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I resent my parents for pressuring me into getting plastic surgery at age 17. (Keep in mind that I'm 17 now so I got the surgery only about 5 months ago)
So basically it started in ele-fucking-mentary school when my mom said "If you want, when you get older you can get a nose job" (keep in mind that I was a child who never mentioned having any issues with my nose or my face in general--in fact, I thought I was pretty). She basically, at a young age planted the idea in my head that there was something inherently wrong with my appearance and that it needed to be "fixed." She continued making mentions of the idea of getting cosmetic surgery as I got older, but the tone shifted from "if you want" to "you should".
At one point, when referencing my nose she said,"It's just...too long, it just is."
When her "suggestions" made me visibly upset, she would act as though I was being ridiculous, and would say that "I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do." (A sentiment that proved later to be disingenuous).
In high school, my dad got on board with the idea. I don't know if it was because he thought it would make me less sad or if he agreed with my mom that my appearance was inadequate. He began regularly saying that once I got my surgery that I'd "Have to beat the boys off with a stick." (Something which was and still isn't exactly my priority).
I'll admit, there were times when I would look at the idea of getting a nose job with enthusiasm because 1. who isn't insecure in high school and 2. I had at this point internalized so much of what had been told to me.
However, the occasional enthusiasm I expressed to my parents regarding getting cosmetic surgery did not counteract all the times when I was very obviously uncomfortable about it.
By junior year my mom and dad began searching around to find the best cosmetic surgeons. It felt like they had already decided for me that this was the plan of action and I was just a passive participant.
During my recovery, when I was clearly upset, my mom said "I'm sorry for putting you through this." (thus, admitting that she was aware that this was more her choice than mine).
After recovery she had said, "I'm so glad I forced you into doing that" (somewhat joking, but still showing her awareness that it was her choice, not mine).
Today, 5 months after surgery she said "You're looking more like what I had expected you to grow up to look like." That...hurt. She basically implied that what I naturally looked like was a disappointment. That she had always expected me to be prettier.
edit: fixed a grammar mistake
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self.offmychest
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Why do I feel the need to go to college? [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety while driving is the only thing holding me back now. I have had anxiety/depression since I was 15. I’m 23 now. I’ve learned how to deal with most of the things that give me panic attacks. The one thing I still can’t do is control myself while I drive, specifically on the highway. And the horrible truth is, and it fucking hurts to actually type this out btw, is that I’m scared of crashing on the road. I’m scared of other drivers hitting me. Most times I’m on the freeway, my palms are sweaty, I feel lightheaded, and I have to get out. It’s my worst fear. I just would like to hear if any of you guys have any tips... thank you.
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self.Anxiety
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I was the only person not picked in lab today We had to pick new lab partners, last choices that a girl had was either me or the jock kid who’s failing the class and creepily touches peoples’ hair when he sits behind them. She chose him.
To make it less awkward, I said “Forever alone” out loud as a little joke. The class thought it was funny and was laughing while I was just dying inside :(
Had to explain to the teacher later that I couldn’t get the notes I missed from anyone because I had no friends and he didn’t seem to understand what that meant since everyone is a social butterfly in my school :P
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self.depression
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Nobody will understand I have had 2 seizures about 3 years ago then a year later another one, I was about 14-17 when they all happened, because of this I’m unable to get my drivers license for a long time, by the time when I did all my friends were driving regularly but I still could not, even now when I have my drivers license nobody can teach me to drive or come with me to show me how but my parents say it’s up to me to learn but every time I asked they say there to busy or tired, now I’m looking to go to college or get a better job for myself but I can’t get myself to work and back I use Uber but for those jobs that are too far it’s not worth the money everyday, and every time a family member brings up the fact I’m not driving my parents say it’s up to me and it’s my fault I’m not driving, they call me lazy constantly but I want to learn nobody cares enough to show me they just blame me,
I need to to change my life I can’t take this everybody I know has it easier, I’m also a 19 year old virgin witch even just saying that makes me depressed, my life needs to just end but when I really think of the thought of jumping off a building or shooting myself it’s too much I don’t believe I’m able to do it, i pray that someone else could kill me so I wouldn’t have to, Ive asked god so many times to just help me change my life I’m stuck doing the same thing every day I have only ONE friend and when we hangout it’s the same thing over and over, I’m going to go crazy if I’m not already I can’t speak to girls I’ve NEVER been able to I just freeze up I’m not funny enough or just too awkward, I hate my fucking life, I’m always going to live in my parents basement because I can’t make more than minimum wage due to not being able to drive to any work areas, I truly hope that a contract killer see’s this so that maybe I could pay you to kill me I have 3000 dollars in my bank account for who ever would do it, I can’t believe I went though my whole life to just end up no where with no one disappointing everyone I ever befriend or known, I’m a waste of space on this planet and shouldn’t have been born I don’t understand why I was put on this earth if I’m just going to wanna end up killing myself, If anyone has any super easy ways to kill yourself that’s not very painful please let me know I just want this to end , I don’t wanna wake up again when I sleep I never wanna wake, please god end this I’m so tired of suffering everyday.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Am I really bipolar? I've been diagnosed with type II bipolar disorder six years ago, and now I have started to question the diagnosis. I am quite sure that I have some personality disorder, maybe unstable personality. Meds don't seem to help very much. Has anybody been UNdiagnosed?
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self.bipolar
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I have anxiety, asked my doctor for meds, got them and too scared to take them in case they mess with my sex drive :/
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self.Anxiety
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i dont know... Its the unknowing if ill ever be happy again.
Its not knowing if i should be depressed or not because my parents told me they people have it worse.
Its having to live with the permanent factors that will always sway my life towards the negative
Its the constant reminder from everybody that I’m disappointing and too negative.
Its never having the ability to be optimistic.
Its the questioning of my future will be worse.
Why cant i kill myself? Whats stopping me. I genuinely think that i am insane, thinking like no-one else does. Please i don’t know what to do. Im not happy and never will be.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Saw a human die for the first time ever. I have an interview tomorrow to work in canada but can't focus, eat, or sleep. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Do I actually love her? I have no idea what I'm doing, why am I even posting here, I just need to vent
Been dating my girl for more than a year, I always thought I loved her, I like being with her, the sex is great, I actually care about her and don't want to make her feel bad in any way possible.
I'm not straight, she knows that, I'm bi, and she's ok with that. She knew that since the start.
Now a guy shows up in my life, I always thought we were just friends and that I just cared too much about him, and put too much effort in making him feel good just because I was being a good friend.
Then I started having more perverted thoughts about him...Told my gf I actually wanted to make out with the guy and she was destroyed for feeling that she was not enough for me. In the end, she decided to let me try it out, to explore this side of my sexuality.
Nothing happened though, I'm just a friend for that guy, and he's actually pretty insensitive and distant.
We spent this whole week together, got to know him better, still insensitive and distant, but closer now. My urge to kiss him is getting bigger and bigger.
He will leave the country soon and I doubt I will ever see him again, we said our goodbyes already with a big hug. I feel depressed right now, WHY THE FUCK AM I FEELING THIS DEPRESSED. HE'S JUST A RANDOM GUY I MET A FEW MONTHS AGO.
Do I actually love my girlfriend? Why the hell do I even care about this guy? He never did shit for me. What the fuck fuck FUCK FUCK. What if I don't actually love my girlfriend and am just unconsciously using her just to fill my loneliness? Why can't I just love my girlfriend and JUST MY GIRLFRIEND for god's sake.
Would I dump my girlfriend if the guy came back and said he wanted to be with me forever? Probably, even though I know would be the wrong choice, which makes me think I don't actually love her.
I'm fucked. So fucked. Told her so many times she would be better with some normal guy but she wants me.
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self.offmychest
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Nightmares on lamotrigine? Anyone else getting disturbed sleep/nightmares on lamotrigine? I used to take 400mg, then 200mg. I made the conscious decision to stop altogether because the nightmares and bad sleep made my life so much worse.
Anyone else? Any medications that worked better i could bring up with my therapist?
Thank you!
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self.bipolar
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Frustrated I've been struggling with chronic diarrhea for over month that's been caused by my anxiety, and it's caused me to miss school. I've just stopped taking Pepto/Immodium at this point because it heightens the other symptoms, like a high heart rate, abdominal pain, headaches, paranoid thoughts, etc.
I've been to the doctor about it and the blood test and x-ray didn't show anything abnormal. I still have yet to get the results from the stool sample. I'm starting to think that it's anxiety, since I get it mainly during school but not as much on the weekends.
My problem is my mom is starting to get angry at me. She doesn't understand how the anxiety can affect me at certain times of the day and not others.
She's told me that if I think it's anxiety then I should go to a therapist, but that doesn't help me when I would only see them every 2 weeks for an hour.
She's also said that I should just do meditation, but that doesn't work very well since I can't do it during school.
I've explained to her that I'm avoiding school and worrying about it because I had a close call the other day, barely making it to the bathroom in time. She says that I'm just over-exaggerating and that I need to get over it.
I'm just frustrated at this point. I enjoy my classes and don't want to miss so many days, but it's difficult to go when all I can think about is going to the bathroom. I've gotten into this spiral of worrying about having an opportunity to go to the bathroom, which causes more anxiety, which makes the need to go worse.
I'm also worried that with how much I've been staying home my social anxiety will start to get worse. If I don't go out and practice my social skills they basically go to shit and I feel like I'm starting all over again.
Do any of you have advice for what I should do?
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self.Anxiety
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Overdosed and got dizzy for a day I overdosed my antipsychotic and antidepressant drugs. I was really pexhausted and felt really dizzy for a day and a half. I didn't have any appetite and felt like I needed to puke or something. My parents didn't know. It's my fault though. I just felt really terrible and wanted to end my life. It didn't help at all.
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self.depression
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Anyone wants to talk. I'm on a heavy problem rn. I wanna effin end myself. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I need advice First off, a big thanks in advance to anyone devoting the attention to reading, as well as responding to this.
Long story short, I messed up. I moved from a developed Western country with decent living standards and better opportunities to..elsewhere - as a teenager, without first completing my education beforehand. At the age of 17 with thanks to the retarded regulations of my current country of residence I 'study' alongside underdeveloped 15 year-olds in 9th grade, in a language I barely know the essential basics of and all because I "didn't pass 9th grade here" despite the fact that I did so years ago in another country, and without passing this grade (which I most likely won't if bribing for exam results isn't an option) I cannot progress further into an advanced level of education. As a result of this country's education system I alongside many am forced to 'learn' what I can frankly call a bunch of bullshit which will make little to no influence on my future everyday life and is far from parallel to any of my personal interests. And why 'learn'? Because I undersand little to nothing of any such material being attempted to be taught to me. This academic year of being mistreated by both the classmates and teachers alike whom I have to dread the sight of 6 days a week will most likely go to waste and be in vain.
If that wasn't bad enough in itself, at present I am undergoing this early identity crisis. While others manage to discover their vocation from a young age and work towards fulfulling it, I only manage to lose my interest in everything altogether. I have no particular talents which I could potentially earn much from, as well as no particular passion for anything at least anymore. Throughout the long months I have spent here and moving to here I have witnessed first hand much pain of others and felt a fair share of my own, on my own skin. In undergoing so much travelling I feel as if I have seen too much, as if I know too much; as if I know too much of how disgustingly brutal this world can be and my childood prior wasn't much better of an experience either.
In remembering my shitty childhood, and in knowing of how unfruitful my future seems due to the above circumstances I feel as if I'd rather not participate in the game that is life in this world anymore. I sadly most likely won't off myself, but I'd personally much rather that alternative than 'live' on any further. Many public speakers ranging from Sadhguru or Eckhart Tolle to Alan Watts encourage(d) people to somehow 'live in the present', but contrastingly how can one successfully do so when the present moment is so shit, as well as with the anxious possibility that the future will be indifferent if not worse?
What should I do?
I could ramble on but I'll save us all the energy.
Sadly if I can't find from within answers of my own to such questions I doubt a Reddit user will, but I'm interested in the input of others which may help me with my situation at hand.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Suicidal fantasies/thoughts becoming louder more frequent, and the urge to just do it is becoming stronger. I've felt worthless for the longest time, and life seems more and more absurd every day. I saw a razor blade on the counter in the bathroom a few minutes ago and felt such a strong urge to use it; to just end the pain once and for all; to just finally quiet my mind. It seems more and more a viable option these days. I feel bad for posting this, since there are other people here who probably need immediate help more than I do. I just need someone to talk with who understands where I'm coming from.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What are the most painless ways to end your life? [deleted]
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self.depression
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My story Hey y'all! A fellow Redditor suggested this subreddit to me, saying it's a blessing for people with anxiety (like me)! I thought I would give it a shot, share my experiences, and maybe feel a bit less alone in this fight. Feel free to ask me any questions and offer any advice or support, and I will be sure to do the same for you all!
A lot of my anxiety takes root in fears about health. When I was in probably 3rd or 4th grade, I dealt with something called "Emetophobia", otherwise known as the fear of vomiting or throwing up. Maybe some of you guys know what that's like! It was consuming, but with some help from my parents and teachers, I was able to get through it after a few months.
From here, anxiety wasn't a huge problem in my life. Aside from some anxiety before something fun or public speaking, it never was a huge issue for me. I did well in school, held a number of different part-time jobs so I could afford fun things that my parents wouldn't pay for, and gradually came out of a shell (I'm an introvert by trade) and made some awesome friends.
The summer after my sophomore year of college is where things get a bit rough again. Earlier in the spring, my girlfriend and I made a trip to the mall. While there, I began to experience a feeling of faintness. This is likely explained by me being a bit overdressed and overheating. While I recovered from that experience, it never really left my mind.
Over time, I convinced myself that this happened because I hadn't eaten enough that day. From here, I began to force myself to eat in order to avoid a feeling of faintness. A side effect of this was my Emetophobia coming back, because despite what you may think, your body does not like being forced to eat.
This anxiety continued to develop. I'm a thin guy, and my BMI is on the lower end of the "healthy" range. My anxiety convinced me that if I don't eat not only will I feel faint, but I will lose weight on top of it. Something a guy like me really can't afford to be doing for the sake of my health. All of this stress contributed to me having the first and only anxiety attack I've ever had while driving up to my girlfriend's house. I was a wreck. I was hyperventilating, dry-heaving, the whole nine yards. I thought I was dying.
This led to another evolution of my anxiety. Not only did I stress about eating, I now began to build negative associations about my girlfriend and her home. Both of which were in no way responsible for my anxiety. This is something that I still deal with today. I don't feel like I truly enjoy being up there. I love my girlfriend and her family, but I feel like I'm on pins and needles the whole time I'm there.
I then left for my junior year of college. The food anxiety followed me here, and so did my anxiety-association with my girlfriend. When she visits, part of me feels the way I do when at her house. I'm also left mostly unable to make the ninety-minute drive to visit home, because my mind has now built a negative association with there, too. Overall, my anxiety has become many layers deep.
Here's where the story gets a bit better. I sought out counseling, which helped me A TON. After a few months, I was able to spend the entirety of my Thanksgiving Break at home with zero anxiety. I felt better than I had in months. Counseling helped me to build some new understandings of my own anxiety problem, and I can't recommend it enough.
Back in December, I experienced a setback. I had a bunch of downtime between finals and when I headed back to home for winter break, which gave me a bit too much time to think. My anxiety came back and came back hard. I hardly enjoyed my Christmas with my family because of it, and it breaks my heart. I ended up really struggling when I came back down at the end of break, and got myself involved with a anxiety support group/class, which has been a neat experience thus far. Unfortunately, it didn't help me much this weekend when I went home for the President's Day weekend. I spent much of the weekend anxious, and had a difficult time truly enjoying myself. Today, I'm happy to report I have improved a lot and am relatively anxiety-free. But I know the battle isn't over.
What am I doing to deal with this? Well first, writing this post. Getting this stuff of my chest helps, and if it can help anyone else too, that's a win. Second, I am continuing to pursue counseling. My support group ends in two weeks, and I'll probably resume individual counseling after that. Having that outlet is hugely beneficial. Third, I am taking steps to better myself physically. I had a long talk with my dad about anxiety the other night, and he thinks if I can put on some weight to be more in the middle of the healthy range for my height, that would be hugely beneficial for me. Which I agree with. I'll be visiting with a nutritionist and personal trainer soon, with the goal of implementing a plan to help me put on 20-30 pounds of muscle mass.
If I can, now I'd like to offer some advice:
1. BE ACTIVE. My anxiety came back this most recent summer for a reason that is oddly simple. I quit being active. After working and attending school for the previous three years, I took the summer off. I realize now how important it is to be active with your hands in mind. When you have too much time to think, it's easy to sometimes pay more attention to the darker corners of the mind, which is what happened to me.
2. TALK, TALK, TALK. Anxiety is not something you can fight alone. Unfortunately, it's something that can often intensify the more you try to fight it on your own. You need support, and you're doing great just by being active on r/Anxiety! Whether it's a mom or dad, a significant other, a sibling, a friend, whoever, talking is so beneficial and healthy. If these people love you like they should, they WILL help you and listen and not judge you. I've been fortunate to have amazing, amazing help from my family and girlfriend. Find someone who you can vent to and cry to, you'll be glad you did.
3. GET HELP. Whether you're dealing with anxiety, depression, or any other mental health issue, don't be afraid to seek professional help. These people are trained to help you for a living. They care and want to help people like you. A good therapist or psychiatrist can make a world of difference for you. The stigma around getting help is toxic and is a huge problem facing society. Getting help is not a sign of weakness. It's maybe the strongest thing you can do.
If my stories resonate with you at all, feel free to leave a comment or ask a question! I'm an open book! And any advice you guys have on dealing with triggers (for me, eating, going home, etc.), I would love to hear it. I love hearing from you all, and look forward to sharing more stories of my progress and hearing all of your success stories, too!
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self.Anxiety
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Unwilling to admit honest truths Background: I am now broken up with my boyfriend but we're still seeing each other.
I have this friend, who has proved to be better than my boyfriend. He was there for me when I'm down, he celebrates small victories with me, and he always goes out of the way for me. I think I've fallen in love with him. Th thing is, I know he won't go for me, I'm just someone he'd flirt with. He do cares a lot, he even visited me when I was at the hospital for a couple of weeks. We just hugged then and he brought me so much comfort. I just know that I really do have to let go of my ex once and for all, maybe try and have a shot with this guy, but I do know I won't do that. Because I also know that I still love my ex. The only reason I'm posting this is because I've head a couple of beers. So to my dear friend out there, I'm always going to be there for you. I love you, and I really thank you for being there for me every time. Stay in my life please, I really don't want to lose you.
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self.offmychest
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I don't know what to do anymore guys, I've been at this 5 years old Here's a little history, MY 31F, dad's side of the family all suffered from mental illness, I never got to meet him or them.He killed himself a month after I was born because of a delusion he had that he would hurt me and my mom because we were mary and baby Jesus and he was Judas. He hung himself.
I inherited his mental illness, not the schzo stuff but bad enough they had me in and out of institutions all my life. It's not the sickness that hurts so bad it's the doctors who hardly even look at you. The family members who lick you out because your to hard to deal with. It's medicine never helping and the medicine that would help being denied to you by doctors who think antihistamines work better than xanax for anxiety. MY SPIRIT IS BROKEN .
All I want is to get better or be allowed to die with peace, dignity, and without pain. Let me go!
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't what do, this dumb depression has taken everything from me Even music has become bleak and doesn't bring me consolation
Nothing
Literally nothing
I forgot what it's like to be at least remotely content
I'm so disgusted when I look in the mirror
I'm a horrible person
Pills don't help
I'm sitting outside my house and it's 2am, I don't want to go back to my room where everything is gonna be the same, another sleepless night, and then another worthless day
I feel so helpless, life throws at me every opportunity I wanted
I study at the best university in my country
I've got an opportunity to do an amazing job
I had hobbies and was good at them, people liked my work and complemented me
And it doesn't bring me any emotions
But any minor inconvenience or a tiny sad thing simply ruins me for days
I don't know what to do
I just wanna drop out of uni, abandon my family and go on a bender which will hopefully end my life
I can't do this anymore
Every night is a torture
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self.depression
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Can anxiety cause "brain fog" all day (or maybe minor derealization) for some people? If so, how does it affect you? I'm looking to see how anxiety affects some people physically. Specifically, I get symptoms related to my vision (photophobia), my mind (a dullness, brain fog, pressure behind my eyes), and very minor nausea. I'm trying to figure out whether these are related to anxiety because I'm otherwise healthy.
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self.Anxiety
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This is going to be the first year you're not here. Hey Scott,
I've been trying to write this for the last few days and every few words I breakdown and cry. We miss you so much.
This Christmas was hard, even on our daughter. She kept asking where you were and I couldn't help but cry. I'm trying to stay strong but it's so hard.
She loves the bike you gave her. She's been listening to you every night before bed. I let her stay up late on her birthday to hear extra like your letter asked.
She sleeps with the picture of you from when you took her to the mountains.
I don't know if I can do this. I'm not strong like you were. It's not fair. It's not fucking fair. I just can't.
I haven't drank since you died. Every time I try I'm reminded of all the things I did to you while you stood there and protected our daughter from me. I'm trying to hard for her, but I see the disappointment in her eyes when it's me picking her up from daycare.
I'm sorry. I wish I could just tell you how sorry I am. Was I the one who brought all of this on you? Is it my fault? I just want to here you say it's going to be all right.
I'm sorry.
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self.offmychest
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It's getting worse... It's becoming so painful to live guys. It's getting really bad. I've just been crying for the past 30 minutes talking abut how miserable I am and how I'm a terrible person.
It's both school and home now, it just used to be school and it's getting worse. It's becoming more and more painful.
I never knew how much it would hurt just to live, I feel like I'm about to throw up any second now.
Oh god guys this is really starting to hurt...
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self.SuicideWatch
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No time for depression I woke up at 3 am to finish a project I put off until the last minute because of my depression and the presentation for it this morning went terrible.
After an awful shift at work, I dropped my phone in a wet snowbank on the way to the bus and it started glitched out. I normally rewind after a bad shift by listening to music on the bus home but couldn't. I'm probably going to have to buy a new phone.
I'm getting close to my fourth month working at Starbucks and it's taking a toll. It's not awful but it's that monotony of day-in day -out work. I keep wondering if that's how I'm going to feel no matter where I go in life.
I want to drink tonight to forget about this shitty day but I even relax because I have a test I need to do tonight, a test I need to do tomorrow, three big assignments that have piled up in a single class and the prof has given extensions for everyone another week. I don't want to leave it until then but I want to let him know that it'll be around then because my mental health is awful right now. I hate using that as an excuse because it feels like I'm letting myself be a worthless piece of shit. I don't know if he'll even know why I'm emailing him because I'm not asking for an extension, I'm confirming the extension which is probably just wasting his time.
I don't even have time to be fucking depressed.
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self.depression
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My Traumatic Friendship.... (TW: Suicide, Cutting, Toxic relationship, emotional abuse)
I have no one so but need to get this off my chest. Earlier this year I had a friend online whom I spoke to everyday, I have no friends or family who care about me so I spoke to her every single day for hours and hours. She acted so selfish though, she always ignored everything I said, constantly ranting about how much she hated her life and wanted to die, giving sudden outbursts of anger at me,acting like I was a bad person with no trigger and then crying that she upset me afterwards, telling me how much she loved me over and over. Yet I was so scared of her for how overbearing she was, yet she never cared about anything I said anything at all she ignored every word and only spoke about herself. It hurt so much and over time I began to hate her because she hurt me over and over. But no matter how much she hurt me, I even started cutting because I met her, and I almost killed myself I came back over and over just for the attention to talk to someone even if she didn't care. For months and months this happened. Until she told me she hated me, which was a relief because of how much she hurt me....but now I have so much anxiety about making friends, I always think of her and what she did to me. And I am so scared. I have made a new friends since her but I find it so hard to trust her after what happened. I just needed to get this off my chest I don't know what else to say. That girl hurt me more than anyone else....and I was too weak to leave and now I'm scarred for life. I was depressed before I met her but after it got a lot worse. Though since the months she left it's slowly getting better...I'm still very lonely though...but I hope when I get to my new high school I'll be happier. Thank you for reading <3 It means a lot. Please share your thoughts, stories and feelings.
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self.depression
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Serious Question: How did you overcome depression? I'm improving but still struggling. So far these things have helped me:
- Exercise, and lots of it. I realised that this a one of the very few things that lifts my mood
- Medication, life saver!
- A few weeks of therapy
- My amazing GP, who recommended all of the above
- Doing stuff with my hands
And that is about it so far. What are your experiences?
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self.depression
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Inside my pain, fear and utter will to just stop To find the exact words that’s ideal with this writing, it was a more passive but ingenious way to open the mind to self worth. Loyalty to myself was the goal, if you are not open minded to the average teen in my place then open your mind but it’s something comforting to think about in different senses of writing of how beautiful madness can be. Your entering my mind to find my genius and insanity.....
Is it all in my head...
Why has the human soul disappeared.
Why is it crazy to say hi to strangers in the hall. Why do people play with your emotions. Why am I a victim to this all. Why do they make it feel like the connection is there but every single day it’s just me. Every single day I’m drowning in my tears. I’m choosing to forget the pain you continue to give. Your not fooling me but I’m fooling myself. The pain you continue to give is like a drug and I can’t stand it. These thoughts you give me is so surreal, I cant stop the pain that you continue to give. This generosity is a curse, this faith isn’t worth, I’ve been lost time and again but I hate when you leave. Suicide if you want to let me know, I’m too afraid to let it go. Time consumes the mind, changing in the distance but before you sleep pray to the lord that it’s your mind that goes but it’s your soul that stays.
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self.depression
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I feel like life has already passed me by And I can't go back to when I was happy and before I fucked everything up. It's too late. The only goal I've had in the last years is not to devastate my family and never again be locked up in the hospital. I wanted to succeed, I wanted a family or a SO. But I feel like it's too late.
And if I even begin to look back in time the sadness and hopelessness that begins to well up feels like it will consume me. So I don't let myself think about it. I don't look at old photos. Because I'm all alone and everyone else has moved on. I get up in the morning, I go to work, I come home and get into my pjs. And then I repeat.
And this is good, because this year I haven't been locked up, this past 2 years I have worked full time. But that's all that I have aspired to. Fuck this disease. I just want to wake up in the morning and not dread the hours before I can get back in.
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self.bipolar
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How do i kill myself without my family finding the body i’ve been contemplating suicide for years and i think i’m going to finally go through with it. how can i keep my family from seeing the body, but also let them know i’m dead. i have 3 little siblings and i don’t want to traumatize them
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self.SuicideWatch
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Was just prescribed cipralex, but these pills “Don’t Exist”? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Fuck Just as i have a brief moment of clarity i get reminded of how miserable i feel. People see my suffering tell me you have to learn how to be comfortable with yourself to love myself otherwise il never learn to love another. Even though its true i hate hearing it iknow i need to get out the house i know i need to learn to be ok alone as much as i hate the fear of ending up alone. For fucks sake if i knew how to be ok with myself then id be doing it. Im at the point i cant even fake a smile anymore. My damn eyes give my tortured soul away. If i didnt love myself then why the fuck am i still alive. Even when every single damn day all i want is to end my life. Why do i mule myself around and keep tryng. Fuck the cycle of negative thoughts. Why cant i put myself in action to attain happiness FUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!
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self.depression
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Going in to group therapy, not sure what to expect. Anyone care to share their experience? On the recommendation of my head shrinker i'm joining a men's therapy group. Eight guys and a therapist... talking about their problems? I don't really know what to expect. The therapist leading the group asked me to read "I don't want to talk about it" and i'm like halfway through and the book is all about men who have abusive pasts and are depressed in middle age and then they like come to terms with their abuse and somehow that helps them be not depressed? I don't feel like that really applies to me, though. I feel reasonably on board with my past trauma but mostly it's that I see bipolar as primarily something you treat with drugs and i'm not really sure how talking with a bunch of dudes with unipolar depression is supposed to help with symptoms like "too depressed to function for several months at a time"
So either way; I am super uncertain about the value of this. It sorta feels like yet another case of trying to apply solutions for unipolar depression to bipolar depression, so i'm curious as to if other people have had good experiences or bad experiences or any experiences at all.
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self.bipolar
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What does it feel like to be on proper antidepressants? Sometimes I get this feeling that there’s nothing wrong with me, cancel all the appointments and go on in life like normal. Obviously that’s not the case, and I have a similar feeling. I don’t feel *depressed*, but I’m not happy either. I’ll probably hit a low hard before the nights up and decide it’s not the antidepressants. I hope that makes sense. I don’t know what I *should* feel if I’m on the right medication whenever it decides to work. Should I feel happy? Neutral? Should I be thinking I’m normal?
Side note which isn’t important to this post, but I want to get thoughts out, I worry that I’m not really on the right medication in general. My psychiatrist wasn’t certain I had bipolar to begin with. She wondered if I could really have depression and when I’m happy/normal I feel a lot higher.
Sure, I have constants. I’m rarely motivated, I get distracted easy/zone out randomly, and I’m tired a lot. But there’s a distinct difference between when I’m happy or feel normal (neutral happy?) and when I feel high. I didn’t notice it as much before, but I’ve been paying more attention. I’ll talk more and randomly get excited and say random things. It can just happen or seemingly be triggered by something like friends or “racing” (I try to get to speed limit before the person beside me). They don’t last long enough though. My longest is probably 6 hours. I can go from crying and suicidal to a high at the drop of a hat given a perfect circumstance and sometimes I can just feel myself getting there. And I’ll either go to bed because everyone else is and it gets “reset” and I wake up neutral or depressed or I’ll crash hard. Sometimes I’ll stay there for days, weeks, months. Sometimes it’ll start all over again.
Sure, if this lasted a *lot* longer, I wouldn’t be doubting the diagnosis, and when I’m settled I can normally tell you if today’s going to be a day I’m depressed, and likely when I’ll be neutral, but the highs are so unpredictable. I can go a long time without them or I can hit them a lot.
So would me possibly not having bipolar change how my brain reacts? Will nothing work? Would the mood stabilizers and antidepressants do what they’re supposed to anyways? I don’t know. I feel stuck. Maybe after a while things will settle. Maybe I’ll be rediagnosed, or maybe I’ll see how bipolar fits. Everything is a mess in general, so it’s probably not helping. I just want to be happy and really stay there for once.
Edit: I’ve been overthinking this so much I ended with “what if I’m really “just” depressed and don’t have mood swings?” Holy hell, at this point I just need to lock a weight on my brain, lol.
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self.bipolar
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My pregnant guinea pig had a baby and it died. My guinea pig wasn't even supposed to be pregnant, she had a baby a couple months ago with her male cagemate and we had him neutered after. We didn't realise he was male until we learned about her pregnancy. There was maybe a 2 hour period where he could have gotten her pregnant again, but it was unlikely.
A few days ago I felt some kicking and heard some teeth chattering from her tummy and realised she was pregnant again. We were excited! I thought she wouldn't be due until next week or the week after though.
Nope, she had the baby tonight. We went out to the pub for an acquaintance's birthday party. I didn't want to go but was kind of dragged along. We were gone maybe 2 hours. She had her baby while we were out and by the time we got back, it had already died.
I just feel guilty. I should have been here to help. It was a big baby, and mama pig probably couldn't push it out fast enough and it suffocated. I know we're lucky that mama didn't die too, that's pretty common, but I'm still upset.
I didn't even want to go out. I would have been here otherwise...
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self.offmychest
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i cant do anything i can't study, i can't write, i can't smile or feel good about anything in my life, i ended my relashionship beacuse i was afraid it might take him too. i have tests and exams throughout november and i dont wanna do them. i can't stand school anymor. i can't face myself in the mirror without crying. i hear voices, and as virginia woolf said, i shan't recover this time.
i am afraid, i dont wanna hurt my mom's feelings, and my parents are divorced. but i don't want to be burden to anyone anymore.
i can't concentrate even to write this
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self.SuicideWatch
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You have anxiety when you can't post on Facebook like normal people because you overthink EVERYTHING.
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self.Anxiety
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Unemployed graduate Still looking for work after graduating 4 months ago and getting a lower 2nd grade. I'm feeling like a failure as I see my class mates progressing into the fields they want to be in. I just tried looking at more job ads online and my breathing became strange and felt irregular. My arms tensed up and cold shivers ran down them and my spine too. Right now, I just want to lay in my bed and fall asleep. It feels like another unproductive day.
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self.Anxiety
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horrendous anxiety when partner is away or travelling I've been suffering from very intense periods of anxiety whenever I'm out of touch with my wife. This has been happening for several years now, and usually presents itself if e.g. she's at work and I haven't heard from her for a few hours, or if she's out with friends in the evening.
It's a *really* strong sense of fear and loss and panic. Like deep, painful-to-the-core sorts of thing. The only thing that will help resolve it is if I can get back in touch with her to check she's ok. Then some time after, the cycle starts again.
Even if she's keeping in touch, my mind will run away with itself and visualise scenarios where I'll - inexplicably - lose touch with her forever, or otherwise something terrible will happen to her which results in me losing touch with her forever. It's always a very vague feeling, in that it's not a clear visualisation of something terrible happening, but more of a feeling of "dread" about something cataclysmic occurring which will cut me off from her forever, leaving me alone in the world.
In part, it's been a vicious circle of the anxiety about losing touch with her feeding back into the anxiety, and so on - leading to the situation where I dread any time she'll be away for extended periods (nights out, work trips away etc) with this very intense fear that if I can't get in touch with her my panic will return in force.
And it's funny in that in a lot of other parts of my life, I've dealt with anxiety and worry quite effectively, e.g. money, health issues I've used mindfulness, exercise, diet improvements etc. to great effect. But they don't seem to impact on this sense of loss and panic I feel whenever she's absent which *totally* overrides all the other good feelings I have about everything.
Really just wanting to vent about it. I've had this for years, and have been going to therapy, taking beta blockers for the anxiety symptoms but it feels like a very deeply ingrained thing that just won't budge (thinking of going to the docs to ask about antidepressants)
Really just a bit pissed off with it, to be honest, and I think it's something that needs dealt with but I just can't figure out the right angle to attack it from, despite all the therapy and whatnot. Frustrating.
All I want is to be able to rationalise with it and even if I can turn it into just a "worry" (like "Oh, I'm a little concerned about her, but I can cope. If something bad does happen I'll deal with it") instead of this massive, overwhelming dread, that'd be a win.
Anyway, rant over.
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self.Anxiety
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Does anyone else have trouble maintaining friendships? I have social anxiety, growing up it was terribly hard for me to make more than one good friend at a time. Just recently, at 19 I finally got to a place where I had a solid group of friends, and then suddenly my social anxiety sparked back up and I abandoned them. Maybe it was because our friendships were too reliant on alcohol, as we usually would just get drunk together and that led to me feeling very comfortable with them since alcohol reduces inhibitions. But suddenly I just feel like no one really liked me, and I’m not sad about it, I just quietly removed myself from the friend group and decided it was for the best. But now I’m doing some reflecting and feel like this situation is being a bit controlled by subtle anxiety. It’s unreasonable for me to constantly think people don’t like me, even when they express that they do care about me. Anyone else do this? I seriously just go through cycles of friends because I just up and decide they don’t like me and in turn, I don’t like them anymore.
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self.Anxiety
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Worst time of the year I fucked up 7 years ago and lost the only person I have loved because I fell back into my anti-social self. I lost interest in alot of thing but I knew I still loved her, I just couldn't get out of this rut.
I was stuck in it for months and just as I finally started seeing the end, I had started/enjoyed a new job in IT and had got the perfect Christmas gift for her to start apologising for my stupidity, she ended it. I was devastated, completely and utter lost. I made mistakes trying to talk to her after I moved out and instead came out worse than what I had intended.
I stopped trying to talk to her and ever since I have had this hole in me that is just getting bigger. I have tried to kill myself and obviously i have failed..
I miss her so much and it hurts every fucking day. I wish for some accident or medical problem that just ends my time here. I just want to be nothing...no pain, no memories....
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self.depression
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To go with the flow is a lot harder than I thought I'm new to Reddit and only decided to join after hearing a close friend of mine praising how good it is. Please don't mind the grammar mistakes, I only want to get some of this junk off of my mind for once. I'd also like to mention that I am not exactly sure of that my condition is. I've just recently opened up somewhat to my mom (bless that wonderful lady) and my friend had to blatantly tell me that I have some sort of depression. I'd always brush it off for a once in a while funk (which is a very common theme I've noticed.)
Anyways, I've always tried to that guy that just went along with life. The one who gave minimum effort and still did well, not giving any fucks when a problem arises. I converted to this "go with the flow attitude" around the time in between 3-5th grade. In that time, I learned that life wasn't easy anymore. I learned that I was different, the close I wore, my ethnicity, the things I liked, etc. It became hard to relate to others because I wasn't really into sports. And when I did, I didn't stay long, due to my shyness leading to loneliness in most classes. An event happened in 5th grade when I realized, it was easier to just not care, rather than caring too much. Things go fairly smoothly, until now, where I realize I was cracking.
I was projecting this fake persona of myself; someone who is loud spoken, abler to fix any issues without actually experiencing any hardship herself. I was jokingly given the title of "The Therapist," since all of my friends would come to me for all kinds of help and emotional support. I was proud for becoming the person I was. But at the same time, this whole act was also built on keeping people at a distance. Telling enough for that person to feel special, but not everything. I didn't handle any type of affection or praise well at all. I was really picky about hugs, or touching, all in fear of seeming too needy; breaking out of character. When someone would say "good job" or complement me, I would just combust, becoming very shy, and not knowing what to say. I was starving for affection without even realizing. I thought the feeling of wanting to cry when being told "you did so well" or being hugged was me just being a weirdo.
Another thing that happened was I would experience these "slumps."Basically just a day I would feel like complete ass. This happened once at my Korean Language Class. I had to wake at the buttcrack of dawn, and I knew today was one of those days. I had not studied the story like usual, and I could not read the book. It also didn't help that I was the only one there that day. So he was trying to encourage me to read it, and I could already feel the stinging, like when I would try arguing with someone, which would lead to me bawling like a child. I couldn't say I couldn't do it, so I just sat there, when it fuuuucking began. The dam just completely obliterated, and I just began to sob, leaving the teacher very confused and worried. I felt so bad for having put him into that situation; he really was a nice guy. When he left to go get tissues, I managed to clean myself up, and I acted like nothing had happened and I was okay. There's a lot more to this, but I think this thing is already long enough. Does anyone else go through this? I'd love to talk to other who go through experiences like me. It'd make me feel less lonely at 2 in the morning.
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self.depression
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Frustrated with myself. My anxiety has gotten so bad that I'm having to quit my job and move back to my dad's house several states away.
Tonight is my last night off of work and I suggested to a few coworkers that we go out as a going away thing. But now that the time is creeping closer I keep thinking that no one is going to show up and I'm going to sit there alone looking like an idiot. Now I'm having trouble trying to get ready because I feel like it's all going to be for nothing.
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self.Anxiety
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I've taken 500g x32 Paracetamol. I needed to tell someone. I feel worthless. I can't cope with life and I think it be for the best if I was gone. I don't contribute to society and I might never have a job. I have a 2nd year college project and I cannot figure it out. I hate myself and I don't see that changing. I don't want to be here anymore and I think the people in my life would be better off without me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm Lost Hi everyone. First time poster. Trying not to internalize my emotions so much, and honestly, I need someone to listen.
I've been diagnosed with depression since I was 13, and now that I'm 22 it's just gotten so much harder to handle. Normally I can handle myself and still stay productive, but over the last two years I've felt my grip on myself start to slip.
For the past 3 days, it's been worse than it's been in years. I can't even talk to anybody I know about it because they don't understand what it's like. "Just do something fun that'll make you happy" and "You need religion" were two of the responses I've gotten so far when I try to reach out.
I had a friend who understood, someone who has experienced it for himself, but last night I lashed out and now I think it's over between us. Whenever I get really depressed, I don't know how to handle myself. I can't afford meds or a therapist with my work and insurance now and I'm just really scared.
Last night, for the first time since I was in high school, I seriously considered suicide. I managed to convince myself that I only had friends because they pitied me, and my family only kept in contact because they feel guilty. For the first time in a long time, I felt completely alone.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy life and all it has to offer, but last night, a switch was flipped and now all I can think of is the pros and cons of offing myself so I'm no longer on this crazy ride. Again, I really don't want to, but the thoughts are like thunder in my head.
I must not be the only one who's been in this situation. How do you manage and keep your head above water when it feels like you're trapped under the ice?
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self.depression
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Hey everyone, just wondering if anyone here had success with Effexor? (X post from r/bipolar) I was just put on it on Tuesday. I'm on 37.5 mg to start because I'm so sensitive to meds, but will titrate when/if necessary.
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self.bipolar
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Matter of time I have to talk myself out of suicide every night. I cry myself to sleep all the time. I've been clinically depressed for years and it's only getting worse. I'm posting here as basically a last resort. I know I'm going to do it one day soon but this small part of me wants things to get better even though I know they won't. I've done countless hours of research on suicide and I know how I'm going to do it as well. If anyone is going to waste their time and comment with things like "stay strong" and "things will get better" please don't waste your time. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm posting here. I guess this is as close as I've ever gotten to talking to someone about it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My life I️ saw reddit was the place to be anonymous but I’ve been in a relationship with a woman who got me arrested I’m still with her because she is black mailing me and if I️ try to leave she threatens to show everything to the police no one knows we are dating but if I️ try to leave everything goes nuclear I️ thought about ending myself to get out of it but she’d tell everyone everything and even in death I’d look like the bad guy
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self.depression
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Please I just need someone to talk to I’m going to do it soon, I have the means and I won’t let myself fail, this is the one thing I won’t let myself fail at. Everything I’ve ever believed is going down in flames and I can’t do anytning.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Seems like me falling apart really takes up speed. I've fallen oppressively silent.
Not that there would be anyone to talk to, I am actually utterly alone. But I did find some joy in talking to other people, here in this board or others, giving some advice or just lending an ear.
But even that's faded.
There has been no joy in my life since my wife left. Everything just reminds me of her, and the like three things that are left only serve as a tolerable way to kill time. It's nothing I enjoy. Just something I do and use.
I kept it together for full two weeks before falling apart. Now I'm just a bum and disgust myself. It's like I can watch going my graph ever further down. How I, at the beginning, still did this and that. Watch films. Play a game. Now I can't stand even these things anymore. Going for groceries has become so unbearable I'm rather eating stone-hard bread.
I'm in immeasurable pain. I did not think that much pain is possible. I am in agony every hour of every day, and it only gets worse. Even worse, there is nothing I want. There is nothing in my future worth working through all of this.
So I allow myself to be weak. It's comforting. At least once in my fucking life I'm using my right to be too tired to move on anymore.
I'm watching myself wasting away and it really feels like the dereliction and decay have taken up speed. I don't even want to sit here and write that shit. I just want to sleep, but I won't be able to until I get it out of my head.
My own wife doesn't give a flying fuck about me, why should I care.
Funnily enough, I really don't fit in with other suicidists. I'm not depressive, I got no mental illness. Nor are their any physical sicknesses. I'm not in chronic pain, my life, while a shitshow, didn't bring me down. I'm not helpless and know very well how do turn everything around if I wanted to.
I'm literally dying to a broken heart, the lack of reason to deal with it and the refusal of a future that holds nothing to me but vague, empty, meaningless promises.
It's a combination of lack of strength, affect and somber thought.
And I'll be so fucking relieved if I just check out and leave that mess behind.
If I'd known that I'm capable of feeling such pain and despair, I think I'd've killed me long ago.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Need help finding a new medication I’m a 17 year old f with severe social anxiety, triggers include going to new places, meeting new people, and general anticipation of things i don’t feel comfortable with (which is honestly nearly everything at this point) I’ve been on three medications. I’ve been on Paroxetine, which didn’t work out very well for me, Citalopram, and Fluoxetine. All three of these didn’t work out for me because they totally killed my sex drive, along with many other annoying and stressful side-effects. Have any of you been on medications that have worked well for your social anxiety, and maybe even increased your sex drive?
TLDR: i’ve been on medications such as Paroxetine, Citalopram and Fluoxetine. All killed my sex drive. Any suggestions for successful medications?
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self.Anxiety
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You went out of your way You went out of your way to build our friendship.
You went out of your way to make me feel at ease.
You went out of your way to break through all of my barriers.
You went out of your way to make me feel valuable and appreciated.
You went out of your way to be the only friend I had.
You went out of your way to encourage the unhealthy relationship for which you would later condemn me.
You went out of your way to turn the trust I had in you against me.
You went out of your way to make promises you never intended to keep.
You went out of your way to try to keep me around in exactly the capacity that would be convenient for you.
You went out of your way to twist the story into such tangled knots I'd never find the truth.
You went out of your way to take away everything you had given me and more.
You went out of your way to make me feel like I was to blame.
You went out of your way to break me.
You went out of your way to make sure I'd never know why.
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self.offmychest
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Picturesque Eternity I dream that I'm sitting on a beach gazing upon the sunset lit horizon with birds flying above. The calm waves calm my heart and give clarity to my thoughts...thoughts of a living in a world where compassion and understanding is given priority above all else...an eternal mushroom trip with no downward spirals...no responsibilities...no mandatory human contact for as long as one feels necessary...just being free to explore your imagination
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self.depression
|
It’s one thing being Bipolar- it’s another being overweight and unhealthy... Anyone else experience this? Started at the gym today after two years living in misery due to gaining so much weight on meds. Here goes being skinny again!
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self.bipolar
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I don't want to die, but I don't know how to live. For as long as I can remember, I have the tendency to think of the worst situation ever since my grandfather passed away when I was 9. As I'm an introvert, and my parents are divorced, I always felt lonely and yet, I didn't know how to seek attention. As I grew older, I just decided to isolate myself. Of course, I do have a few friends, and I talk to them openly about how I feel, but I think everyone is so busy with their own life that it's hard for them to understand mine.
Of course I don't hate them for that, and I understand where they're coming from. The thing is, I know many people tend to say that I need to learn to accept that bad things happened and we need to move on...positive thoughts and blah blah.
It's easier said than done. Recently, i've quit my job so that I can stop faking that I'm okay while I'm home..I broke up with my boyfriend because I've been depressed for a long time that I no longer know how to feel.
My daily activity - sleeping at 5/6am, waking up at 6pm, having barely 1 meal a day and back to lazing in bed to do absolutely nothing.
I have plans to do bigger things...but I just can't do it. I can force myself to sit in front of the computer, but end up staring at it. I've seeking different therapists for help, but I just felt that it doesn't work since they weren't genuine to listen.
I don't feel suicidal since I'm afraid of death. But I'm not living properly.
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self.depression
|
Death is the only thing I look forward to and I hate it. Is it ok that the only thing I look forward to in life is dying? I've felt like this for a while now but the only thing I've looked forward to is the 'sweet release of death'. I've felt worthless and super insecure about myself, I don't know where the heck my future is going and my anxiety about everything and everyone has left me feeling upset constantly. And I can't help being anxious.
I tried making a bucket list to help me to feel better but it hasn't worked. I don't think that I'm supposed to feel this way but I don't know how to not feel this way. Help? I honestly don't know if this type of thing counts as depression but I didn't have a lot of places I could turn.
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self.depression
|
Too damaged for anyone to love. He called me an "obsessive creep" for calling up this girl he was talking to on the side.
I guess he's right. I freak out at the thought of being abandoned or being lied to. I've been treated like shit my whole life, I've been begging for someone to love me ever since I was a kid. My father abused me and told me every day how worthless I was and my mom would never stop it.
Idk
I feel like I always fuck up. I always care too much. All I wanted was love, all I wanted to give was love but when confronted with pain I just freak out. Cause I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of putting any ounce of trust in anyone for them to just leave me or dismiss me as crazy. I've never had anyone stick with me or stand up for me or work through problems with me.
Whenever I did something that I didn't even know was wrong, I got the silent treatment as a child. All affection is gone. The hitting starts. I can't count how many times I've been shaking on the floor of my room cowering in fear from my dad.
Every single fucking mistake I make, no matter how small I freak the fuck out. Because no one has loved me enough to stay. No one has continued to love me through my low points.
People will royally fuck up and have their family to go to. Their family might be disappointed but will help them at their lowest. I don't have anyone to go to at my lowest. I'm just alone.
Am I crazy? Creepy? Obsessive? I don't mean to be. All I want is to be worthy to someone and feel comfortable with someone for once. To not be scared of someone leaving me or hating me for fucking up.
I just want to feel safe with someone. If I never have the chance for a normal relationship, if I never am going to be unconditionally loved by someone then I want to die. That's all I ever wanted. Everyone else had a taste of it.. I'm just damaged goods. Good for nothing, good for no one. Everything I touch dies, fails, breaks. Everyone I give my heart to breaks it. I'm scared to have emotions. I'm scared to trust.
I just don't know if it's worth it to continue. All I have is myself and right now I absolutely despise myself. I need the courage to end things. No one wants me.. no one ever will. No matter how good of a person I am.. no matter how good looking I am.. I just always fall short. I'm not special. I'm not anything. My dad was right. I'm just empty and worthless. A waste of space.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I was totally unprepared for you There are flashes from that night that keep popping into my head at random times. Two strands of my hair stuck in your glasses. Your face as you leaned in to kiss me next to the green lights. You snoring softly as we were lying on the couch. Loud music in your car. Your voice.
Dating is always rough but I was doing good this time. In the past I had a tendency to latch onto the first person that showed interest in me and that never worked out too well. This time I was determined to meet different people and to not. settle. And I was actually doing good this time. I was doing it right.
I wasn't even that excited to go on this date with you. Do you understand that? I really only went so I would stick my original plan. I wasn't even that nervous because by that time I'd been on several first dates. This was just another night.
At first we talked about your sister's dead cat and the fact that you had been pronouncing my name wrong this whole time. I guess it had never actually been spoken aloud, only written.
A couple hours in I realized that I really. fucking. liked you. A few hours after that when we were lying on the couch I told you that. I remember your face then too.
I drank too much, something I had avoided on every other date I'd been on but really messed up on this one. I alternate between hating that my memory is a bit fuzzy because I want to remember every detail, and being grateful I don't remember every detail because I would totally obsess over them all. I haven't had sex in a long time and the last several times I did it was horrible and humiliating. When things started to head in that direction I got really overwhelmed and started crying. I was mortified. And you were still amazing. I went home and deactivated all my dating site profiles. I told a few people about you. And I hadn't breathed a word to anybody about any other person I'd dated recently. For the whole rest of the day it was like my body was electrified.
I'm 35 years old. It's been so long since I've felt this way about anybody that I forgot I ever even had felt this way about anybody. I'm 35 years old and I've been fighting the urge to cover my facebook wall with song quotes as if I'm 13 again. It's taking a fucking lot of effort to just pace myself, calm down, and act like a reasonable human being. I am trying really hard not to fuck this all up before it even really gets started. I am trying really hard to keep my hopes and expectations low because this one is going to hurt bad.
You make me want to have my shit together. Like I want to clean out my car and clean up my house and finally get new tires and just fix everything that I've been neglecting. I never really understood the phrase "you make me want to be a better person" until now.
I was in no way prepared for you and you caught me so crazy off guard. I can't even think about continuing to date people. Even if this doesn't amount to anything I need a break for a while. I have not felt so intensely for anybody in years and years. Fuck my plan. You totally destroyed any plan I had. I want you more than I've wanted anything in an extremely long time, and I'm not so naively romantic as to think this will all work out.
But oh my god it would be so amazing if it did.
|
self.offmychest
|
anxiety about contacts Hello, two days ago I went to the eye doctor to get contacts. I put them on and took them off a couple times there before they sent me home with a pair to practice with. My doctor was confident I would use them and so they went ahead and charged my insurance for 4 boxes of contacts.
I wore them yesterday for a while, I got a bit of a headache and my left eye wasn't entirely clear. Today I'm supposed to wear them for 6-12 hours and I don't think I can handle it. I'm always terrified that I won't be able to get them out. I have a near panic attack trying to take them off. Putting them in somehow isn't so bad, besides the thought that I will eventually have to take them out.
Now I'm not sure if I will ever get used to them. I think I want to change my mind. However they already charged the insurance for 4 boxes, and I had to pay out of pocket for lenses for new glasses since my insurance would only cover either two pairs of glasses or frames and contacts. I just don't know what to do, I wish I wasn't so afraid.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why must we live? Can't everything just end at this very moment? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Feeling terribly guilty for not being able to work I was hired 2 & a half years ago to work at a company that seemed decent enough on the outside. In those 2 years, that company has done so many awful things to my mental health that sometimes I question how I've survived. Like they genuinely break you.
Yet I still have a lot of respect for my coworkers & customers so my feelings are very mixed - a bit like your typical abusive relationship involving a codependent (that's me!).
I found something new that I'm excited for, put in my two weeks at my current work place but I haven't been going to the last few shifts. I do call in ahead of time so they can make proper arrangements, so at least there is that.
However, a few days ago I fell into a rough patch and existing has been hard enough without the added stress of going into that place.
I called in again, I couldn't get out of bed this morning, still can't and I still feel crazy guilty. I don't know what to do. It's eating me alive, I feel like I don't deserve to have all this time off to myself and yet! How do other people cope with feelings of guilt stemming from our disorders making things way harder to do?
EDIT: I just want to say thank you to everyone for their kind words <3 Yesterday & today have been rough but y'alls kind words got me through most of it.
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self.bipolar
|
(Advice wanted) I think I only somewhat like this guy because of the attention he's giving me. And I don't know what to do, also I don't know what his intentions are with me. Help lol So there is this guy in one my classes that has been flirting with me for a few weeks. To tell you the truth, when he first started flirting with me, I really didn't like him. But now idk I really like the attention he's giving me, I've been really lonely and having someone show interest has been nice. However I feel like since he's really flirty, and often in a sexual way, I feel like thats all he sees/wants from me. (also i've never had a boyfriend/had sex/ never even kissed a guy). SO idk what to do. I feel like the attention from him, and idk I might start to like him a bit. I do still find him somewhat annoying but still idk I somewhat am starting to like him. But i feel like i might like the attention he's giving me, and me wanting such attention is making me kind of like him. Oh and some of his flirting consists of always bringing up me having a boyfriend (when he knows I don't), he even said in spanish something about slapping my ass with a chancla, so yeah he's not really holding back with the flirting lol. BUT yeah Idk I would like to fall in love with someone that yes sexually wants me, but wants more than just my body. So idk what to do.
Short story: Guy flirting with me for a while, didn't like him at first, now I think i may kind of like him a little (may be from the attention he's giving me, since I've been really lonely and have been battling with depression/anxiety for a while). I feel like due to his flirting (often somewhat sexual) he probably only wants me for my body, and i feel like i only like him cause of the attention he's giving me (even though I do find him somewhat funny/ he's growing onto me). Not sure what to do.
|
self.offmychest
|
My girlfriend is depressed. I don't know how to approach the situation, I need some advice please. Within the last month, she has lost her best friend and her grandmother, who she was very close with (both passed away). This time last year, she was involved in an incident where she was assaulted (we were not dating at the time), and it is bringing up some bad memories for her. She is continuously mentioning about moving cities on her own, and she keeps insisting she is fine. I'm the only support she has, please help !
|
self.depression
|
tonight i really want to die i've been struggling for a long time. i don't have anyone except the person i'm seeing, but i can't put this on them. i want nothing more than to disappear. last night i had a detailed dream about ending it, exactly how i would do it, and exactly how i would let everyone that i care about know. i dissociate nearly every day because the pain of everything is just too much to exist in. i have these intrusive thoughts that race into my head and remind me how worthless i am, and how stupid i am for having wasted 19 years of my life with nothing to show for it. i see kids younger than me being successful and happy and living their best life and try as i might, i can't achieve that. i dropped out of school to pursue something that completely failed. my family pretends to be supportive but i know that they aren't, that they're tired of having to coddle me everytime my big dreams shatter in front of me. i have nothing left, i feel disgusting in my body and mind. tonight i broke my glasses - the one thing that actually made me feel pretty for once, and it was just too much. my hands started shaking and i instantly had these intensely violent feelings of just ending it all the soonest second i could. i don't know what to do. i have a bank account in overdraft, rent due in a few days, and nobody to blame but my own escapism in tryin to feel some sort of happiness, or any feeling at all. i have already tried everything i could in the past couple weeks to cope but it's just all too much. i want to die tonight and i don't even care if it is the slowest, most painful death possible. i think that would be better than what i've been living in these past couple weeks. i tried calling my mom and my best friend for help but neither of them answered and i feel like that just sealed the deal for me. please, someone, anyone, talk me out of what i want to go do because i have nobody at all that i feel i can truly confide in. i hate that i am so ready to end my life, because i know that i am so lucky to be able bodied and living relatively well. i am so stupid and terrible for feeling this way, but it all just makes me want to end it even more because maybe someone could take my place and live more meaningfully. i don't know anymore. someone please help. should i go to the hospital? i just don't know what to do and i can feel myself losing grip with reality. sorry if this is repetitive i can't really feel anything as i type this and i figure that it's better than not doing or saying anything.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Conversion Disorder I have conversion disorder(diganosed by a doctor and psych doctor) and without medicine get stroke like symptoms if I get too stressed out. Anyone else have CD and how do you manage your symptoms?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I really regret my past, I yearn forget it and become wholly innocent again. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
My self righteous suicide, because even angels deserve to die. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Bipolar abroad. How far can I run away from my problems? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Can’t stop feeling awful No matter what happens I always feel awful...even if I feel “happy” it’s like a “fake” sort of happiness, like that awful feeling is being masked behind the happiness and is waiting to come out in full swing
|
self.depression
|
Small Victory Saturday 10.21.17 What little or big victories did you achieve this week? Let's share and celebrate our successes together.
|
self.bipolar
|
School makes me feel horrible and makes my depression worse [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Can anxiety destroy your life? Essentially, I've had severe anxiety my whole life from school, to friendships, relationships, grades, being dumb, things I tweet or put on snap, how I look, etc. It can pretty much be anything, but it mostly focuses on the social aspect. Most of the time, these things are ALL I can think about. It's like they're always in my head. Sometimes they won't leave, and I feel like I'm going fucking mad. I will obsess over these things, and sometimes they can be week long obsessions that take huge chunks of time out of my days. Honestly, my brain would not know what to do and would freak out if I didn't have anything to worry/obsess about.
Anyways, I always saw social anxiety/general anxiety disorder somewhat of a "temporary" disorder, and that things like OCD were more severe. Since mine was more severe, I always thought it was OCD. However, I'm questioning that.
Can SA and GAD be on the same level as OCD and ADHD? Can they affect your life just as much? Are they lifelong disorders like OCD and ADHD? Can SA and GAD be just as serious?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I need to die I really need to die. My life is over. There is nothing left to live for, just endless pain and suffering. Someone make me die
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Today was one of my ex-es birthdays and I didn't text him "happy birthday." I did remember it, and I felt really mean not wishing him a happy birthday. However, I know that he's not over me, even though it's been nearly a year and a half since I dumped him (I know he's not over me because he recently texted me to "hang out," and not just as friends like I had initially thought.)
Wishing him a happy birthday would probably be super inconsiderate and stunt his ability to move on, wouldn't it? I think it's best that I just leave him alone.
The last time he asked me to "hang out", I just left him on read because he wasn't getting the hint that I didn't want to. Today I purposely didn't wish him happy birthday. I feel so mean doing these things, but I really do think it's for the best.
|
self.offmychest
|
This is a mess I'm recovering from being suicidal and am going through a lot right now. I've been bouncing back between my family's house and my apartment at college for a few months, because my dad is very ill and nearing the last stages of his life. I also have a little sister, who's also suicidal, who I worry about. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me early this year, I'm failing my classes, and the list goes on.
My current issue is with my roommate. We've been friends for years, and he was one of the people I confided in about the things I've listed. A week after my boyfriend broke up with me, my roommate confessed he's always had a crush on me. I rejected him and felt terrible but thought that was the end of it. While things with us were awkward after, it wasn't too bad yet.
I went to visit my dad for spring break. My roommate texted me several times with small talk while I was gone, but I ignored him because I was busy.
I came home last week and found out he's been texting my three best friends for advice on how to get me to talk to him. I don't want to talk. I haven't been talking to anyone besides my therapist and my best friends, and my roommate knows that, but he's taking it personally. Even though I've assured him it's not his fault, he still thinks the reason I'm not talking to him is that he confessed to me.
He struggles with his mental health too, and I'd normally try to help, but I'm exhausted. Talking to him is draining. He's emotionally manipulative and makes everything about him, but I've given him the benefit of the doubt because I don't think he knows any better. He honestly needs professional help, not a relationship.
I'm avoiding him right now and feeling a lot of guilt. I know he's in his room crying sometimes. I know I could probably do something about it, but I can't get myself to care enough. I don't care about our friendship anymore (I won't tell him that). I feel guilty and awful, because I'm one of his only friends. But even just seeing his name on my phone gives me so much anxiety I want to throw up.
It's getting ridiculous. I'm afraid to leave my room for anything, even to use the restroom, because I might bump into him. I've been eating nothing but junk food because I don't want to use the kitchen for the same reason. I wish I could avoid him completely, but he lives with me. I know it's immature to run away from him like this, but I'm trying to avoid all unnecessary stress right now. I feel like I'm suffocating. I don't know what to do. I just want to feel comfortable in my own home.
|
self.Anxiety
|
patience patience is everything
perhaps the one thing I never had
or I swore I did
like where'd it go?
I don't feel special
even while you say you love me
I'm almost scared to lose you
but that's being a fool
nothing ever lasted
why let your heart get blasted?
the point is to let go
I swore the point was balance
I don't know anymore
the extremes
gifted me a bipolar personality
well, nothing seems worth it
and, honestly, never did anything appeal to me
sitting in class eight hours a day
swallowing my insanity
until we meet and you fucking bring it out of me
I'd rather be dead
than to have this knowledge in my head
ignorance is bliss
nothing could fix this,
maybe his kiss
but that's of course a daydream
something that only serves to break me
nothing really makes me happy
and if it do it's very fucking fleeting
almost everything annoys me
I used to love you
now I'm disgusted
I used to beg for you
I felt like you were mine
I swore it was love
whole fucking time I'm breaking our heart
cause when I hurt me I hurt you, too
who gives a fuck though?
I get to a point where I must confess
these feelings are way too fucking overwhelming
not sure what else to do but blurt this out
reread and retract into myself
delete the post, maybe it would erase the pain, maybe the voices talking down would ease out now
cause I feel everybody's fucking energy
I know you more than I know myself
and I fucking can't stand it
I'm not sure where to start because all that ever happens is becoming lost in myself and lost in a world that doesn't fucking exist
none of this is real and it feels like a waste of energy
how is it so easy for you to smile?
how do you think rationally?
it's not like I'm a total fucking freak
but a monster grows inside of me.
|
self.depression
|
Will I ever overcome my fears? Even when I face my fears, they still exist. Sometimes it's way less. Sometimes it's the same. I feel like all my efforts don't make sense. I still can't write without feeling anxious about it, talk to a girl or even saying "hello" to a stranger. Why bother if nothing changes?
|
self.Anxiety
|
has anyone taken cymbalta (or any other antidepressant) during pregnancy? Cymbalta is still a pretty new drug and I would like to see if anyone has taken this drug during pregnancy and any outcomes? It is "pregnancy category C" but there isn't a lot of studies compared to other SSRIs I noticed like Zoloft / Wellbutrin.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone else find their depression getting worse around evening hours? Mornings start off slow, then I enter a sort of "manic" high energy phase during late morning and early-mid afternoon and then as the sun starts going down at around 4 PM, my mood seems to steadily decline until I feel emotionally flat and very vulnerable to depression.
The slightest trigger can prime me for a depressive spiral and I often find myself spending evenings in a depressive haze even after starting off my day on a high note.
This isn't a one off experience but something that happens pretty much every day with few exceptions.
Can anyone relate?
Why do you think this happens, is this something to do with biology and certain neurotransmitters being affected by time of day or is it something else?
|
self.depression
|
A little guidance? I am in a strange spot in my life and hopeful of some opinions.
Diagnosed with BP2. Only taking lithium (although I have to admit to missing doses).
I used to have a horrible gambling problem but I managed to overcome that.
I still spend crazily though. Hopeless with money.
I don’t think I’m in a depressed phase or manic. But I drink way too much. Binge drinking stuff. As a result I do stuff I regret. I hate my job at the moment and the drinking is a distraction. I don’t like where I live and the drinking keeps me out and with people so I guess I just keep doing it? I rarely drink at home.
My weight has exploded and I think I am on the verge of diabetes with the junk food I eat.
I agree with my doc I’m not in a depressed phase. When I am I often think of suicide. It’s always there in the back of my head but not central to my thoughts at the moment.
Because of my gambling I’m repaying some significant debts so moving is not an easy option at the moment and I’m tied to work because of the money. I feel trapped.
After a big night I now wake up really anxious in the morning. Could it be the lithium?
I was hopeful people might be able to share some insights? Do I go cold turkey? If I do then I will drop my friendship circle and be all alone and that’s when the darkness really kicks in.
|
self.bipolar
|
I talked to someone today I talked about how shitty I've been feeling and how I can't do anything due to lack of energy. It felt good, but I don't think it solved anything. My happines was fleeting at best today, which I guess is more than usual, but still not what I want it to be. I just can't seem to shake this feeling that I'm going to die alone as a faliure. I'm tired of always feeling tired and never doing anything. I always act kind and caring towards people but it is never reciprocated, I just want to have somebody in my life to lean on, because this wieght is breaking my back.
|
self.depression
|
Having unusual symptoms--anxiety or something more? Some of the symptoms I'm wondering about are:
Numbness in mouth
Pressure in head
Feeling of zaps, flashes or "pop rocks" I'm brain
Involuntary laughter
Hallucinations while falling asleep
Involuntary movements or talking while falling asleep
|
self.Anxiety
|
Unable to do anything It's been an awful year. Huge dramatic falling out with some friends, a lay off, many belongings stolen, suicide attempt, then another layoff.
I'm usually a very workaholic type person. But after the last layoff I just laid down in bed and haven't moved in 2 full months. I get up to get groceries and that's about it. I've got so many projects I could be working on while job hunting but I just can't.
I can't stop thinking about the falling out I had in the summer.
I'm evicted and must leave at the end of November. I'll be living in homeless shelters. I keep thinking I'll just jump off the bridge downtown and I think I mean it.
How do I get my shit together in like 24 hours? I mean I think it's too late as I already have to live on the street.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Fighting Depression & Struggling So, I use to be very popular, use to get laid regularly with ease. Then I got into some legal trouble and wound up on house arrest. I lost all my friends and my freedom.
I am now on probation 4 years later this is my last few months but I feel like I won't make it. I feel like I am barely holding on to my life. I am now 30 years old. I graduated from a community college while on house arrest, I really pushed myself to get grades and not give up, and I graduated. According to the FASFA only 22% of students in my area attending that college graduate, and I did this while being on house arrest and suffering from depression. I could only go to work and school during the time period.
Well, now I apply at the University thinking that since I had a good GPA they would let me in. They denied me because they said I am on probation ... This was the last straw, I feel helpless now. I feel like a zombie I just go to work and come home everyday feeling dead inside!
Worse part is I am very talented, I make money trading stocks, doing graphic design as a freelancer, doing photography professionally, and working as a CPA full time. I have money, and drive a really expensive car (convertable) but even so I feel like a failure being 30 because I haven't been able to get into a University, I can't meet new people because being on probation I can't leave my county and don't have a family, and so I feel helpless.
Any suggestions? My probation ends in October and it just feels like I won't make it... I feel panicked!
Does anyone have any suggestions?
Sorry I am rambling
tl;dr
I can't leave my county
I don't have any friends at all - not even one...
I can't finish school because of legal issues.
|
self.depression
|
What are your experiences with antidepressants? I'm planning to see a therapist soon if I qualify for financial aid, and I'm fairly sure I'll be prescribed some kind of antidepressant (or some anti-anxiety medication, seeing as how depression and anxiety are both taking turns curb stomping me).
I've heard some pretty bad things about anti-depressants (worsened depression, a LOT of bad physical side effects, etc) and I'm pretty concerned. What are your experiences? What do you take and how has it affected you?
|
self.depression
|
My uncle's cat walked on me and I had a panic attack I usually don't have panic attacks, but around 10 or so minutes ago my uncle's cat was interested in me and hopped on my bed while I was relaxing. I was shocked and I ran to the bathroom and had a panic attack. Literally felt like I was gonna die or pass out any second. Still do but it's getting better. Do animals give you guys panic attacks?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Loss of sex drive is killing our relationship I’m a 28 y/o male, suffering from severe depression for the past 9 months. I am unmedicated, but I see a therapist weekly (who I really like). I feel like I am making a lot of progress with my stress and anxiety, but there is one hurdle I just can’t get past: I have no sex drive anymore. My girlfriend is wonderful. Before my depression got bad, when we met about two years ago, we had sex constantly, maybe ten times a week. But while her libido has not gone down, I just can’t get into sex anymore. We have sex maybe once a month now.
I don’t have ED, I don’t have issues with finishing early, I just...am not interested in sex anymore. With anyone.
I understand that as I work on my depression and get better, my libido may return, but how do I keep the relationship going without meeting my partner’s sexual needs? We have a very communicative relationship, and we talk about this a lot, but there’s only so far we can get without me being sexually interested.
Any advice would be very much appreciated.
|
self.depression
|
Do you ever just feel content to be empty? I don’t want to do anything, but I’m not bored, I just feel fine, there’s no sadness, no hatred, only the feeling of emptiness without the urge to get rid of that feeling that usually accompanies it. I don’t feel good, or happy, but I wouldn’t mind just feeling like this forever
|
self.depression
|
So my only friend is dating someone and it's crazy how much this has destroyed me Maybe it's because I'm so alone
Maybe it's because she's going to leave me now she has someone that needs her more than me
I feel so selfish....
I just want a friend
Maybe I want someone to love me
I'm gonna probably kill myself tonight but I'm not sure yet
|
self.depression
|
I need to start having more honest discussions about my depression/suicidal thoughts and the various ways I’ve let myself down. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
That moment when the community mental health clinic says the waitlist is 90 days [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
DAE feel anxious about things they can't fully remember? I've always been an anxious person. Lately, for the past few weeks, most of my anxiety has revolved around past events that I don't completely remember. I just think to myself, "Remember that one time you might or might not have done that really shitty thing over two years ago?" I start to feel my heart rate increasing, my mind tensing up, and all of the other physical symptoms of anxiety racing through my body.
I start to ruminate over the event that I still can't entirely remember if I did or didn't do, and I project the potential consequences of that event into the future. I start thinking to myself, "If I did do this one shitty thing, how will it affect my future?" I desperately look for answers to my questions, hoping I can gain some sort of closure to whether or not the event in question did happen or not, and whether or not I can fix it. I get agitated by the fact that I can't remember said event, and frustrated I have no control over the past, or it's potential outcome if this event did happen. And the cycle continues.
I get so depressed about my past mistakes/poor choices that I feel could potentially screw my life up, and anxious about the consequences of those actions in the future. I sure hope I'm not the only one who feels this way. If anyone has advice on how to handle these situations, I'm open to anything.
Take care everyone <3
|
self.Anxiety
|
Clanging language/humor Of all the symptoms of bipolar that I've studied and identified in myself, the hardest one to...pick up on is so-called ["clanging"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clanging). Apparently it's a thought disorder manifesting as rhyming or alliteration between unrelated subjects or topics.
One thing I picked up on this morning was after I saw a Facebook post asking people to self-report how many tattoos, piercings and kids they have. (Gotta love Facebook.) One of my friends said they have 0 piercings, so I said to myself, "If you want to have Pier sing to you, you can just ask him." Pier sing. Piercing. Haha I'm so funny. (If you don't know, Pier is the Italian or Dutch spelling of the name Peter.)
Another incident occurred only last night when I said, "The thing about produce (fruits, vegetables) jokes is that they never go out of date." This didn't make any sense to my boyfriend. I tried to explain that the humor comes out of the inherent contradiction--produce goes out of date, but produce jokes don't ha ha. But according to him this didn't follow the...conventions of humor, to my detriment.
I'm wondering if these are examples of the ever-elusive "clanging" in speech? It's most often seen in manic episodes and last night I definitely had some momentary delusional thinking ("I'm going to kill the world of black metal", "I'm going to make the best fucking salad in the world! Shit... I don't remember what I was going to put in my salad.") and rushing thoughts, but I was able to come back down without letting it escalate.
What do you think? Do you have any experience with this elusive symptom?
|
self.bipolar
|
To my love: Let's get married. God damn, I love you. And you love me. I feel so lucky to have you and when you told me you feel the same way last night--and even though I know that--it was so wonderful to hear. I cried myself to sleep, and it was happy tears.
Sometimes you make me smile when I just think of your face, your smile, your name.
I love you.
|
self.offmychest
|
How does social media affect your mental health ? Does it make it worse,better or no difference ? I only use reddit, and browse Facebook and Twitter. I don't go out the house at all but I have read from a lot of people that when they go to a festival,holiday or going out etc that a lot of people don't live in the moment but just want to post things on social media. That sounds like it could affect your mental health.
But on Facebook there just seems to be this bipolarism where people either have a perfect life or people are angry and ranting etc.
What is your experince ? I don't remember it being like this 10-12 years ago but I was only 11-13 years old when I started using the internet.
|
self.depression
|
How common are short bursts of hypomania/Near hypomania? I'm talking like 30 minutes to a few hours or one day of hypomanic symptoms. Like shaking my leg in class wanting to run and jump and chew gum and talk to everyone and find ways to keep this feeling going and my mind just jumps around more than usual and I just love myself when I'm like this unless it gets too hard to focus and I get too antsy.
I've been using a therapy lamp so it may have set this off. I can feel it waxing and waning. It sometimes does this. Is that normal or do people usually stay at a certain level? Ive been like this for two or three hours.
|
self.bipolar
|
Latuda Dose Increase? I've been taking 20mg of latuda since october 2016 with 1500mg of lithium.. the latuda definitely gave me the mood/functioning boost i didn't even realize i needed and i feel like i'm back headed towards the rut where my medication could be more on point, but nonetheless its working.
my pdoc suggested i go from 20mg latuda to 40mg. i'm thinking about agreeing to it and increasing before i have an episode that forces me to switch up my meds.. i just have a few concerns about increasing...
i haven't experienced any side effects from latuda. what are some of the things to be aware of that you guys have experienced when you started taking it or when you increased your dose? next, do i need to eat even more before i take it? that may be a dumb question but the nausea is excruciating when not eating enough even after 20mg. and last, did you guys like have any side effects after increasing? maybe being overtired or a major mood shift?
idk i'll stop rambling, just looking to hear some peoples thoughts/advice/experience with increasing their dose.
THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!
|
self.bipolar
|
I don't think I'm ever going to be ok again [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
People criticising other people's appearances triggers my anxiety because I fear they'll talk the same way about me when i'm gone [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I really hate life Why isn't there more meaning and expansiveness and amazingness?
|
self.offmychest
|
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