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Im only here because if alcohol Tried to hang myself 2 month ago on my birthday. Told myself I'd get drunk, being drunk ruined my hanging myself mood, I'm still here, alot of regrets
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self.SuicideWatch
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Voice from God So, many of you know me, but most don't know my religious views. I am a Christian, have been for about thirteen years.
Anyway, during the fall I was manic to the point where I believed God was telling me to have a child immediately even though financially my spouse and I aren't stable enough. So anyway, I pushed really hard and eventually stopped birth control.
Well, now that I am more stable and even a bit depressed, I realize that I thought I heard God's voice. Not exactly audibly, but close.
As a Christian it is tough to believe I've heard God's voice and then realize it was just bipolar messing with me.
Are any of you religious and have experienced this? How did you learn to trust your heart again and listen to God's actual "words" or guidance without believing it to be a delusion?
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self.bipolar
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Depression is a tool nature employs in order to seperate the weak specimen from the strong ones [deleted]
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self.depression
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I don‘t know if i have depression or whatever all this bullshit is, but i need help. [deleted]
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self.depression
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It's hard to keep standing up, keep fighting, and get down each time. I just want it to end I’m done. Hard work doesn’t pay off. Ever since I was 14 I felt depressed and like I’m not good enough. I felt like it was my own fault that I felt so sad and angry and that I wasn’t good enough for other people. One day I decided that if it we’re my own fault I felt that way then I could also improve my situation. Al my negative emotions went into working hard.
I finished my studies (not by working hard, but because I was good at it) and put all negative emotions into working out. I got accepted into a difficult job at the Army. Now I quit the Army because of an injury in my knees. At the same time I lost a girl, even though we only went on one date, I thought she could be the one positive thing to take from the Army and all the hard work I put in to get into the Army.
So what’s my situation now? Jobless, girls still despise me, have a degree with which I can’t find a job with and all the work I put into improving my situation was for nothing.
While trying to improvie myself and during my studies and time at the Army I still had periods where I felt very down. It just becomes harder and harder and harder to crawl out of it every time. The negative voices and feelings are too much and getting up to fight just becomes impossible.
I had the power once to get up and try to fight. Now I don’t even have the power to suicide. But I just wish it was all over.
Eventhough it feels useless I might go to a psychologist. How has it helped you guys? I wan’t to end it all but I don’t want to end it all. I don’t know. I feel lost and sinking deeper every damn time.
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self.depression
|
Anyone else feel this way about your friends sometimes? I typically like having my friends from different friend groups meet each other, to put faces with the names they hear from time to time. Also it makes it easy when we have a get together everyone knows each other and it’s genuinely more fun.
Well I have two long time friends (from separate groups) that seem to be hanging out without me, which one knows that I don’t think it’s good for them to hang out. Friend 1 is married with a kid, and in her and her husbands past (like teenagers) there was the cheating and fighting and general younger relationship issues. Friend 2 has been dating her boyfriend for 10+ years and earlier this year they went “on a break” and things were dicey and they probably should have just went their ways. Well long story short they didn’t and never addressed their problems and kept living their lives. Well friend 2 looks at friend 1 like a success story to convince herself that things are just fine with what her boyfriend did to her. She tries to see her all the time and invites them to dinner without us which is quite weird. They don’t have much in common, just the fact that they met through my husband and I.
I do hair for a living and I have been doing friend 2’s hair for years. Also friend 1 does hair but only mens hair. Well I just found out that 2 asked 1 about hair stuff (not me her hairstylist) and 1 ended up going to get her product and meeting her to drop it off, which then 2 asked her to join her and her boyfriend for dinner. 2 didn’t even ask me about getting her product, just bypassed and asked 1. Which is annoying, when I have done so much for her hairwise over the years.
Sorry for all the text, but I know part of me is having FOMO, but the way they are acting is sneaky and annoying the shit out of me. I feel like 2 is trying to “steal” 1 from me, which really wont happen because her husband is my husbands cousin, so basically family. I am probably overthinking this, typical for me and my anxiety, but I have to imagine I am not alone right?!
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self.offmychest
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I'd rather let my arms freeze than wear sleeves! Long sleeves are so uncomfortable!!! They're almost always tight and constricting and make my arms feel stiff. Like burning, prickly pain sticks. Even my most comfy jackets aren't okay anymore. Maybe I should start wearing ponchos. I think those are in fashion now.
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self.offmychest
|
Thinking about a person you love most dying. Has anyone else ever just sat there and get worried about a person dying. Like, no particular context to thinking about them dying but the fear of it just sitting in your mind. I often think about what I would do if my best friend died. I think about it all the time. I often think about anything going wrong at any moment that would result in her death. Sometimes I cry about it because I feel like their would be nothing I could do to prevent it from happening. I told her I feel very comfortable with her around because when she is around me I feel like nothing could happen to her. I honestly don’t think I would be able to carry on without her. She means so much to me. Does anyone else ever get these thoughts?
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self.depression
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cannot stop feeling furious I never rest or sleep through the night. My mom stole all the money I had, around 40,000, and I really REALLY needed it to escape. I have lost ten to twelve years of my fucking life to that bitch, and I needed so desperately to escape her. I am stuck and I am planning my death, once I tie up loose ends. She fucking killecd me and I want the world to know this. No one can convince me this is not a bad thing, and that there is hope.
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self.depression
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Annoyed I really just fucking want to die. I hate how I was having a good day and now I’m like this. I really hate everything. I really just want to kill everybody and myself. I’m tired of trying to be positive. I fucking hate talking so much b cause that is all I can do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Good at my job but I hate it.. Hey all,
I am in a Dilemma, I am good at my job and I like it, the company I am in is a new company around 4 years old ( retail business for electronics and it's accessories , and I have been with them for around 2 or 2.5 Years.
My work history with them :
I started as a sales man ( first time working as a sales man ), they told me that I will work either night or morning shifts and I was ok with that because some weeks or days I need to be the morning / opening shift. but sadly by that time that I joined the other sales man quit so I had to be always doing a night shift and I was not even trained by him or anyone ( but the founder of the company was always close to me and teaching me how to talk to customers because I am from a different country so there are some words they use that makes the customer happy because you know the culture difference ) , but I taught my self on the products and how to sell them and cross sell...etc, the system we were using the point of sale " Cashier area " I was taught little about it by the accountant on how to use it, but I taught my self more and handled it more and better than him.
That time also they didn't have a customer service rep so I was handling that as well I had the phone always with me talking to customers answering their inquiries and even making their orders and preparing them for delivery....etc, also handling the social media accounts at that time. ( note: I was even taking the phone with me home to even answer inquires on instant messaging apps from home )
Few Month pass by and we had to change our system from A to Z and we were using the new software , I also handled that with the company that give us the software I was taught how to use it for the cashier and the back end process in terms of everything so I ended up knowing everything about that system from A to Z, so I started teaching all the departments on how to use front end and back end of this software.
After that we hired a customer service rep to take the customer service job off my back, but still I was still handling it for a period of time, until the new guy was able to handle it, all the time I worked before I was handling also the complains of customers ( here where it started the STRESS, I HATE complains and do not like to handle it ) by that the " Show Room Manager " came back from travel and for me he was worthless because most of time he runs away when the complains came and I handled them, then after awhile the customer service employee started to handle complains then he couldn't so it came back to me I was handling it again ( more stress ), by that time I started talking to founder of the company I told the show manager is worthless he keeps watching tv shows and assisting and not handling complains and just sits and do nothing, he said he knows he is " still " new at job as he was still recently appointed as a manager, I told him I new in retails and all of this yet I am doing better, I am not saying he is bad but we should train him more so he can start handling more stuff and be better at his job, he said yes your right and hopefully he will.
Few Month pass by , he improved little, and I was still handling more than he was in terms of work and everything ( I even have to teach him on everything else in terms of work ) now I am not saying I wanted him gone I just wanted him to better and taking some of the " manager " work that I was doing so I can really be a sales man, so after a few month he did something wrong and doesn't want resolve and got fired, and I was handling his place in the end and by that time I the CS Employee had also quit so it was me and work shop for fixing electronics, so I unoffical I was again the sales man/the customer service/ the manager also.
MORE STRESS ( not because of work load I can handle work load with no issues, it's just more complains from customers which gave me stress )
I handled all the work in terms of sales/customer service / operation, then I ended up doing procurement for a small period of time because the accountant had to travel and he had to much work load so I handled it , so I ended being also a buyer ( also no issue I can handle this ) then slow we started doing eCommerce .
Then a year passed and I became a " Show Room Manager " but I felt like a general manager, because I was handling the below :
*Sales ( in show room )
*Customer Service
*Operations
*HR ( I was hiring people )
*Procurement
*eCommerce
*Shipping
Then after that I hired 2 sales men and a customer service rep, but no one was ever stable and they quit and I had to cover fast so there is no drop in sales and customer service in terms of answering phone and orders..etc, by that time we were doing the website to launch it online and I handled it in terms of choosing design , systematic and catching all the bugs and issues and everything from A to Z ( excepting coding i don't know how to do it, still learning it ) so we launched the website and customers are buying online and I keep getting employees and keep replacing then they quit...etc
Then another year passed with alot of issues and complains and issues alot happened to me ( I can't write them all it's to much ) my health started to get effected I got more sick I couldn't sleep alot I became fatter by alot , my health also was effected last year but not as much as this year in 2017, I couldn't get my annual vacation I ended taking every month a few days off because there was no who truly can handle the work.
So I hired a employee to handle the ecomeerance website in terms of listing the stuff on the site and putting tags..etc, then we hired more sales men around 3 more and another 2 customer service rep but again no one was stable, and everything was still on me, I was even checking their visa so we can update them with goverment..etc renewing ther visa and getting proper documents , I am handling so much stuff here, then my health started more becoming bad I am still able to work and everything it's no issue and I barely took even sick leaves because even I do then no one is there to do the work, I even worked from home alot.
then we hired some one to handle procurement then another guy for international procurement and a warehouse guy, I know everything about the company from A to Z in and out government / non government stuff their cost their plans and everything and I am stable able to handle all of it easily , even got the best deals on cars to save on cost , got them best drivers with out having a high salary so it won't raise the expense on the company highly.
THEN MORE and MORE complains came and it made me worse then I appointed one of the customer service people as a customer service manager, and he was still not handling it like I was and he kept calling me when I am at home to help solve the problem even though I taught them how, ( they always call me when I am at home from when I started working until this day, because of everything complains / system crash / internet crash / website crash / stock issue ) and I worked from home and resolved the issues happened alot for the past 2 years which made me even HATE having a smartphone or any communication platform, I was firing people and they begged me to keep a job some threated me to death...etc but I expected that to happen because I kept reading stuff online and teaching my self on how to do the task before I start it.
Now recently I took my offical annual vacation FINALLY OMG I can get away from them all, and I keep teaching everything every single detail so there is no drop in any department while I am gone, but within this year I the founder keeps telling me I am the manager of everyone here in all departments and no one is higher than me but I still have the tittle of " show room " manager I told it's ok no issue, I care little for a tittle.
Then MORE issues came that the tech department can't handle to decide if electronic devices were had a manufacturing defect on them or not so then the founder of company put that task on me I told him how the hell should I know that I am not a technicians to determain that then he said no one can handle but you, I stayed quite and told him ok and I handling it with more customer complains when no one cane handle the complains which game more stress ( I had more stress of employees stability and customer complains and deciding wither this 2000 USD item is a defect or not where I have no experience in that dept ) then I started going consumer affairs to handle issues of complains of customer on shop..etc more stress more head ache and I was barely doing any day shifts and take days off, which made my health more worst and becoming mroe fat.
the owner of the company keeps telling me u will be handling all the retail business and u will become a retail division manager..etc when we open another branch I told him ok that's nice ( I didn't really care for promotion , all I care that I am doing the job with all of my heart and I am happy ) then he told me we are treating you more like a partner then an employee , I told him ok that's nice also ( I really didn't care because in reality I can not be partner * due to laws in this country ) and WHATS more funny we have a disturbation dept in this company and its like 3 or 4 employee in it and all of them have a higher salary than me >.< and sometimes I assist them , but by all means they have no work compared to what I do which I hated.
one of the thing I hated one day I was not able to handle a complain and they requested someone who is higher than me , I called the owner I told him I can't not handle the complain you, can you kindly assist me he said : you can handle it if I talked to him what other things I would say that you are not saying, I told him I know but can u handle because I can not. ( me and the owner are really close in term of work I work with him in everything ) by that I was fed up
so I am deciding to quit but I am worried of not finding a job XD
FYI : I do not have a degree, but I have experience in all depts, because of all my previous jobs, again I love my job but I hate that I can never be morning shift so I can be with my family nor have a proper vacation or even days off or proper work times, and hate by all means handling complains and deciding wither these electronics are a defect and yes I do understand the founder of the company put all the trust on me and can't put it on the other employee because they might simply destroy the business by saying all these items are defect we have a 10k lost of items in week ( never happened with me ) , I also handled the defect items by replacing them with the supperlier and negation with me and send it a broad to get a replacement , so I can minimize the loss of the company .
P.S : I am managing around 30 employees
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self.offmychest
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I think medication triggered my bipolar to be significantly worse and now I can't get back [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Unmanageable seroquel side effects after two years I've been on seroquel for about two years now, and over the last couple of months I've developed side effects that I can't handle anymore and I don't know what to do. My pdoc prescribed adderall about a year and a half ago to counteract the sedation I feel even after taking my meds at night. Lately my muscles are so stiff and sore I can hardly move and sometimes it hurts so much I can't do anything but just cry. After taking my meds and laying down in bed, my nose stuffs up out of nowhere and I can't breathe at all and my heart starts pounding and when I try to breathe out of my mouth and finally start falling asleep I can feel my breath slowing down and I panic that I'm going to stop breathing and I jerk awake. My legs are so restless and twitchy and I get so frustrated and I can't breathe and I don't know what to do other than just sob and wait it out until the seroquel knocks me out. This lasts for an hour or two every night. I don't even want to take the meds anymore because I know how shitty I'm going to feel. I don't even want to go to sleep anymore. I know when I tell my pdoc she's just going to try to convince me to switch back to lithium which I will never do. I had horrible painful acne so bad I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror without sobbing and wanting to die (her response was "wear makeup").
Has anyone else had side effects like these? I don't know what changed recently and why I'm feeling this way after being relatively stable for so long.
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self.bipolar
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Who am I ? (Maybe mental trigger) I have suffered extreme anxiety since I was little. My parents just kind of laughed it off, but I think I needed real help. My racing thoughts had taken over majority of my life. Around 22 I just broke. Mania set in creating $20,000 in credit card debt. Staying up for days, thriving over creating art and feeling successful. Then the bad mania. Irritability until I just wanted to rip my flesh off. I felt like I would have demons inside me and would just literally beat myself up and scream and cry. Depression has always been a thing and since starting my meds years ago they have seemed to get this mania in check but deep depression has set in and all my doctors seem to prefer this. I feel nothing, just lack of something.
I'm just scared that I have no idea who I am. My meds make me who I am. I am petrified to not take meds but I'm just so upset I can never be me. I know I will have to be medicated forever to function. I feel like my meds changed me. I want to know me, the real me. Who am I?
Would I have more artistic potential without my meds. I did back then, but I was also insane. The best art comes from my messed up mind. It was a flow of dark and beautiful creations. Now I'm nothing.
Who am I? Will I ever know?
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self.bipolar
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There is no hope Please do not get transference towards your therapist it sucks but you'll forget about it later and then you die so haha eat ice cream
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self.depression
|
I Stood up to my father.. now everyone hates me My dad spent Christmas obsessing over repeating some very racially insensitive jokes at my wife's expense. She was upset over them. I overcame my anxiety (my father has the personality of a bully) and confronted him about it. After a token apology he and my mom left earlier then planned afterwords and act like I ruined Christmas . My wife also is mad at me for the confrontation and ruining Christmas. everyone is angry at me for ruining everyone's Christmas. I am very down and depressed about this. I went from being glad that I finally overcame my anxiety to now wishing I could just go back and pretend that nothing had happened.
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self.Anxiety
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It’s Christmas, fuck you. Today is Christmas. I loved Christmas. It was the only time of year I got to spend one day with my entire family being happy. This year I’m with my Dads family as he was given 6 months to live in July. My brother, sister in law and I flew to a different country to make some happy memories with him while we could. We have been here for 5 days of 10, he has not said one word that has made me want to be here since we arrived. Instead of talking about our lives, instead of saying how proud he is of the adults we have grown up to be, he has spoken of his drug use, his love of all things illegal and how much he adores the little girl across the road. Yes he’s in pain, yes he is exhausted but fuck, he can’t even be a decent human. He has complained about every single damn thing we have done, we made breakfast ‘I’m not hungry, why would you do that, fuck off I just want to sit here’, we all made lunch ‘but we only just had breakfast? You’re all fucked’. I don’t expect much from him, my entire life I haven’t. But I at least wanted my father to tell me he was happy we were here.
So Dad, fuck you. Fuck you for tearing away the last shred of respect I had for you. For telling me you were spending all your money on heroin and that’s why you could never afford to visit. For making it seem like it wasn’t an issue. For making me seem like you loved it more than you loved me. Fuck you for making my last memories of you angry at everyone, telling us we simply couldn’t do a thing to make you happy. Fuck you for making me cry every day since I have come here. Fuck you for make me call A and Mum in tears because I am once again not good enough for you. I’m glad you’re not going to be at my wedding to walk me down the isle, I wouldn’t have invited you anyway.
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self.offmychest
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I wrote out a suicide note tonight Or rather taking a break from finishing it. I dont think Ill actually do it tonight or anytime too soon (kill myself I mean), but having it written out gives me comfort whether I do it or not. At this point, Its probably not, but I feel like the potential of it happening is stronger than ever before. If not to day then eventually. I grabbed a spare notebook and just started writing my feelings and small letters to the different people in my life. The whole reason for it is cause I very well may have just fucked up my friendship with my best friend. She's been there for years through my ups and downs and I developed a crush on her because of it. One that never went away and wasnt mutual. Some of those low points involve that crush including a recent argument we've had. Its not the first time weve had the argument. Its my fault like its always been. Ive been a crummy friend and this time the consequences are all too real. I dont blame her. She has every right to end it. Knowing what Ive done and the thought of our friendship ending, it makes me feel physically sick and empty. 6+ years of friendship could be wiped out cause I was too selfish to change. This time was the one that opened up my eyes and it could be too late to do anything about it. Im a piece of shit and I deserve the consequences, but its still eating me up. Even if I do soldier on, i feel like Ill just be empty. A husk. I don't even know what I wamt to really say at this point. Ill know tomorrow what she decides, but my mind for the time being is just swirling. I even bought her christmas gift todat when she sent me a novel of how I made her feel. Reading it made me feel sick for doing that to her. I really dont want it to be the end, but I finally psuhes her too far. Sorrt for the book, but I just cant slow it down. Doubt Ill be sleeping tonight
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self.SuicideWatch
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Panic Attacks and Music That Soothes Them I wrote a Medium article about the panic attacks that go along with my Bipolar Disorder and how music seems to help me come down from the panic attacks.
Check it out and tell me what you think:
https://medium.com/@ants000/panic-attacks-and-music-that-soothes-them-69a7dcf93839
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self.bipolar
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Great reading resources for partners of people with bipolar/depression etc? Hey all!
Relatively new to this sub, due to being relatively new to my current diagnoses of BP2 after my Dr's thinking it was MDD for the past year. Anywho, much like a lot of people here, it causes a fair bit of friction with my partner due to the fact that she just doesn't understand it.
I vocalise what she wants to know as best I can, but she struggles to understand, and I struggle to convey it in a manner that doesn't just come across as me defending myself. I'm just wondering if there are any great articles out there in the vein of "Top things to know if your partner has mental illness" or "Living with a partner with bipolar" etc, you can see where I'm going with this.
Anyway, just reaching out to see if there are any fantastic links that I can have a read over and show her to help her understand just what it's like living inside this head of mine every day, why she shouldn't take certain things I do in certain ways, basically just tips to help her understand.
Many thanks in advance guys :)
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self.bipolar
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Caffeine and lamictal I am having tremors whenever i drink coffee on lamictal. Could be the abilify too, not sure. Anyone else experiencing this?
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self.bipolar
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Medication has suddenly stopped working me again. After two months of feeling fine and only having small setbacks, about midway through my holiday depression just hit me in the face out of nowhere. All of a sudden i just refused to leave the hotel room and started feeling really low. At the time i just chalked this up to being homesick and that it would hopefully pass when i arrived back home.
On the plane back i was silently crying because my stupid head wouldn't shut up. That tiny little voice kept telling me that i would never get a boyfriend and i would never amount to anything so i might as well drop out of school and just fuck up my life. Things haven't gotten better over the past week at all, i actually feel they've gotten worse. I'll keep seeing pictures of my friends meeting up together on social media and get upset that i wasn't invited - it's like i don't exist once school lets out. The boy i was crazy obsessed with just a week ago i no longer feel anything for, i don't believe there's any point in trying anything with him since he doesn't seem interested at all (the dude wouldn't even respond to my messages). The worst part of it all is that i'm starting to miss my ex and my old scummy friends, who all did horrible things to me and made me feel like garbage last year. Last month i barely thought of them, now they've returned and won't get off my mind. I'm meant to see my therapist tomorrow but i don't trust/like her much anymore, but my mum refuses to let me switch to another because it's "more work for her".
Thing is, throughout all of this i've still been on antidepressants but they don't seem to be working as well as they used to.
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self.depression
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Meditation Retreat Center Doesn't Want Bipolar Folks??? So...this is really weird. I've been attending meditation and wellness retreats for many years. My favorite place is Esalen in Big Sur, CA, but I live on the East Coast so it's hard to get there regularly. Omega is in NY, but they are closed for much of the winter, and Canyon Ranch costs a small fortune. Imagine how excited I was when I found The Art of Living Retreat Center in Boone, NC ... I can drive there! That would save me so much hassle and the cost of a flight!
Well...I go to register for their very popular weekend "Happiness Retreat" and I come across this:
Health Notice:
We recommend that people with serious mental/physical health issues consult with a medical professional before starting the program. The techniques taught in this course are not meant to be a substitute for medical care and advice. In particular if you have been diagnosed with Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, Epilepsy or are pregnant, then you may not be permitted to take this program; .Although this course is beneficial for most people, it is not a substitute for medical or psychiatric treatment and we do not recommend it for people with serious psychiatric disorders.
So...I'm feeling a little offended, right? And what do I come across next? But boxes to check off ... "Yes" or "No" for "Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, or Schizoaffective Disorder." And a big notice that says you have to call them before registering if you have checked off "Yes."
Seriously, WTF? This place is really convenient for me and the retreats look just right, but what the hell is this stuff about not wanting those of us with bipolar? At a weekend retreat I guarantee I come across every bit as normal as anyone who doesn't have bipolar. Wtf, wtf, wtf???? I've NEVER come across such a thing before.
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self.bipolar
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Life is getting less worse living everyday. I am Autistic. Halfway through my 2nd grade year, I was sent to special ed because I had gotten too many in school suspensions for beating up random people because I felt like it. I had to leave my school and go to a much worse school, that I would have no friends in. This school gave me some of the worst experiences that I have ever had. I was restrained numerous times, and I had to watch other kids get picked up by their armpits and carried into a room where they were secluded from other people for the rest of the school day. I cried a lot because of this, and got in trouble for crying. They would always try to hardwire in my brain that crying was bad, which led me to keep my sadness inside, which gave me Depression. I had suicidal thoughts during 5th grade, and my life was terrible. But I had hope, since I got to leave special ed for my new middle school. Keep in mind that I am above average intelligence, I don't have the bad form of autism. At the start of middle school, I didn't know how to speak to people normally anymore, since the information they gave me in special ed was fucking terrible. I still was very happy throughout the first half of my 7th grade year, but when I look back at it, I did a lot of embarrassing shit. While, my life suddenly changed during valentines day(Since I would like to spare my embarrassment, lets just say I had a girlfriend for one day). My depression was back in full swing in no time, and it was stronger than before. I became a bit of an edge lord and by the end of 7th grade, somebody reported me to the school safety tip-line as a fucking school shooter. This ruined my life, and although I was able to convince the principal that I wasn't one, I still had long term damage from this to my life. I was bullied, made fun of, my parents thought that I actually was one... 8th grade had started and by then my suicidal thoughts came back. I got super jealous of everybody with a girlfriend, and it engulfed me with rage and hatred whenever I saw anybody with one. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get one. Pretty much nothing significant happened in 8th grade, so lets just skip it. During summer break I went to this camp for kids with mental disorders like autism, that I had always gone to for a while. This year though, I met this girl named Echo. Me and her got along really well, we had a lot in common. We were both into anime, we both were autistic, we both hated psychiatry. I liked her and she liked me. I said that the next day I spoke to her I would give her my discord information, so that we could speak in the future... We never spoke again. I didn't know that she wouldn't be coming back the 2nd day though, and thought she was just gone. I asked some of my friends about her, they said that we were flirting the whole time(which we weren't), that she really liked me and that "She said all of this stuff about you, like (Insert my name) is my best friend and a bunch of stuff I would get in trouble if I said in camp." She was kicked out of camp for breaking the no PDA rule... At this point I turned into a full on beta, and would talk to my online friends a bunch about how much I fucking hate people with girlfriends who take it for granted. High school started, and I needed to find a girlfriend quick, or I knew I would kill myself(as I almost did in my 8th grade year). I talked a lot to this girl who reminded me of her but wasn't Autistic, but I did turn her into an antipsychiatrist. I spent all of my time thinking about how to make her like me, but I kept getting unsure signs. I one day asked her whether she liked me, but lets just say, I fucked up on how I asked her. She said that "If I did like you, I would just want to be your friend"(I said that if she didn't like me we could continue being friends but said nothing about if she did). I later saw her talking to this other boy like she talked to me, and I am now back to plan B, ending it. Life keeps getting worse and I haven't even said everything that makes me want to fucking die yet.
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self.depression
|
Losing appetite I've lost 20 lbs in five months and appetite has gone down.
Part of my weight loss is due to the fact that I'm eating healthier. I avoid eating too much bread or rice. I don't eat sweets more than once or twice a month. I avoid fried foods.
One of the main reasons I changed my diet was to improve my anxiety since by eating healthier I avoid stomachaches and acid. Plus I get a more leveled out blood sugar.
I have also been a lot more anxious because I was tapering my Klonopin. I went from 168 to 148 in five months. My appetite has really shrunk, and if I try eating more I just get nausea.
I'm 6'1 so I look skinny but everyone says I look better than ever (ironic since anxiety wise I don't feel that way lol). I do feel more attractive too.
Anyone else see their weight fluctuate a lot because of anxiety? I'd rather stay at 150 lbs, and ideas on improving appetite? I've been exercising lately and I don't see any change.
Will definitely mention it to my doctor by the way :) just want to hear what others have experienced.
Edit: Needles to say, refrain from anxiety inducing diagnoses lol I just want to hear about experiences of others and appetite improvement, not get paranoid.
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self.Anxiety
|
Without education i will poor in the future? Do you even need an education? Or is it possible do live a decent live without a high education? Or is it necessary to have a good education? What do you think? Without education no future? No decent live? In the worst case homelessness? Or is education not that important?
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self.SuicideWatch
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To the woman I can be nothing but nice to. [NAW] [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Today my psychiatrist gave up on me. I hadn't seen him in about 6 months, and today in our appointment he told me that I'm just wasting resources, he doesn't know what to do with me and nobody else does either, that they're doing everything I can but I'm still just sitting around at home all day being a burden on everyone, at this point he just thinks that I can't be cured but he still expects me to just get better, he actually told me that one of the programs I used to attend kicked me out because I was so wasteful to them, and that every time I seem to get better it doesn't last and I just collapse even harder, he doesn't know how to help me and nobody else does either. Maybe now killing myself actually makes sense.
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self.depression
|
This sounds like a mania induced purchase but I swear it's not... I ordered a baby turtle! The backstory is that I had a turtle I found lost and wandering away from the water when I was about 8 and took him home and made a pet of him. He loved attention and ate from your hand, popped his head up every time he saw me. I loved him and was so attached. He died this fall, I'd had him for 24 years. I was devastated. I couldn't imagine not having him around. I found a website you can order turtles from and finally made the jump to order a baby turtle that looks just like him. I can't wait for him to come, I can see this really cheering me up.
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self.bipolar
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Trouble Focusing ( Thoughts? ) Hey, Guys. I’m a 27 year old made. I’ve had anxiety for almost a decade.
So this comes and goes. Sometimes it stays for a weeks and sometimes it goes away for weeks.
I have trouble focusing when I’m reading. That’s really the only thing I have trouble with. But it bothers me and it’s super weird at times. It’s almost a chore to stay focused just to read a funny article or something. Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts about this?
Thanks
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self.Anxiety
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I just learned how to tie a noose It's so easy why didn't I do this when I was 13
I wish to be nothing like me
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self.depression
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I feel like a robot Passive. That's the only way to describe it. My brain is clouded with a haze of constant doubt; Only functioning enough to get what needs to be done (getting up for work, food, etc). I try to put effort into things because I'm always told I have amazing potential. It just always comes down to my brain saying "hey, what if you didn't do it? Would you really even care?" The answer is always no so I just go on with my life never advancing. The worst part is my social life is falling to the same fate. I want to care but I can't make myself. The alternative is always easier.
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self.depression
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Love or Depression? Hey guys, I feel like I need some help here.
I've always thought that I wasn't depressed and that I occasionally got really sad, now I've done some research and I'm afraid I might actually have a form of depression called chronic/PDD(persistent depressive disorder)/Dysthimia, but that's actually not the point I want to make
I am currently in a situation where I think I am in love, but I'm not even sure if I'm in love, desperate or obsessive or whether it's just depression kicking in. I've found the most beautiful woman in the world and we're actually friends. Now I currently have 3 problems I'm struggling with and I don't even know if I can post this here because it's probably going to be about love, but r/love doesn't accept posts about love problems. So here we go
So I've found this beautiful woman and she's the most perfect human being I've ever seen on this planet and I think I'm in love with her. Now my problem is: Am I really in love or is it just out of desperation that I want a feeling, because of my numbness and apathy caused by depression or am I just unhealthily obsessive?
And my second problem is: Right now it's weekend, and I can't see her until Wednesday. I feel so sad and numb and I don't want to do anything with my love, but be with her. Is this again depression, me just wanting to have a meaning, or am I actually missing her? And again is it desperation?
I don't know what to do in this situation and telling her that I love her is not an option. She's been single for a while and she just friend-zoned someone who was really close to her. And we recently went to an event together, because we're in the same class and wouldn't be able to make it to the event without a car. And on the road back she invited some other people for a ride, because of a sudden snowstorm. And one girl said she got really close with a friend and they became lovers. And then *she* said that she wouldn't able to take the relationship seriously if it went from close friends to lovers and that she just couldn't do that. So she basically passively friend-zoned me. Sorry for this long post, maybe even in the wrong place, but I'm desperate to know what I can do in this situation if I even can. The plan, for now, is: Don't say anything and act like friends and just trying to become close friends. Because right now we're "just friends" and I just wish I could be closer to her.
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self.depression
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I miss you both I miss you both and love you both to death even though you hate me you both were my best friends and one of you were my lover even though it was wrong... None of ment to hurt anyone.. I need to stop drinking.. But i really dont want to move on without you guys.. I would do anything to get you both back, but i know cant... Not right now... I dont wana be here
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self.SuicideWatch
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As I fall deeper into depression the more I push friends and family away by raging at the tiniest things [deleted]
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self.depression
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Depression is home to me now I’ve been depressed for about as long as I can remember. I don’t really have many happy memories compared to the bad ones. I’ve gotten used to feeling like dirt. Had anyone else experienced this?
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self.depression
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when was the last time you felt truly happy with life, like not for a short moment but for a couple of days or a week [deleted]
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self.depression
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Why do I not believe people when they tell me that I'm pretty and attractive? Like I just want to cry all the time because of how I look. Why would anyone think that I'm pretty or attractive?
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self.depression
|
Wellbutrin causing Anxiety I think I already have enough anxiety as it is but about 6 months ago I came out of my year-long psychosis, I admitted myself to an inpatient facility because I couldn't hold in the fear any longer, and when I came out I was put on Wellbutrin SR 100MG, anti-depressant, Risperidone, anti-psychotic, 2 MG along with Visatril, anti-anxiety, 50 MG.
Well, it's been 6 months and if I don't take Visatril I can't function and even on it I still find it hard to make myself do the things I want to do and still find myself having panic attacks. Although I had a breakthrough today, I went to fair with some family and they sort of forced me to conquer my fears and ride some dangerous looking rides and I'm glad, I felt a bit of relief. As it was when I didn't have anxiety, before the psychotic episode. But that's faded and the pain is back.
The thing about my Wellbutrin is that I feel as if it's causing a lot of this anxiety but I experienced something on it that I want to keep. A month or two after I was put on my meds I practiced a little bit of guitar and I practiced a sixteenth-note rhythm and holy shit. Without practicing the guitar since then I can still play that sixteenth note rhythm well. It's like ingrained in my brain and much clearer than any rhythm training before I was on my meds. I want to keep that aspect. Rhythm seems a lot easier to understand on my meds but this anxiety is crippling, I can't practice! So it's no use!
Has anybody had an experience like this, both the anxiety and easier rhythm, with Wellbutrin? Should I stick it through so that I can keep the benefits or will another anti-depressant give me the same effect without the anxiety?
Also, have any of you guys ever had experience with anxiety after a psychotic episode? is there anything special about it? Are there ways I can cope that maybe I'm not doing? Will it go away?
I found myself trying to go back to who I was before the episode and I can't help but think that might be making things worse but I want my brain back! I feel like a monkey. A depressed, anxiety-ridden monkey.
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self.Anxiety
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How a weightlifting injury ruined my life and is driving me to the brink of suicide [deleted]
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self.depression
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Everyone at work hates me. I’ve messed up & so have others & they get treated no different right after but I’ll get the silent treatment or comments about me behind my back. I can’t take it anymore. I’m really quiet & to myself & they take that as me being rude & also call me weird. Help
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self.depression
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Only thing stopping me is likely failure of an attempt [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Kissed a girl with cancer I met on Reddit [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Anyone here over 30? Seems like everyone is a teenager or early 20s. I'm 31. Never been suicidal in the past even though things were awful because I always hoped it'd get better. It hasn't.
I don't really have much emotion anymore. Seems like most people who are suicidal have huge mood swings and are impulsive. Just stuck in a terrible feeling that passes and gets better.
I am not like that. Least impulsive person you'd meet. I have just come to the realization in life that the things I want I will never be able to have at this point.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Y tho I hate abbreviating text, why did I title this like that? Wow. Kill me. Please just butt the fuck out. I get you're upset that I moved in with dad but you have to understand why, right?! There is a list of reasons, none of which I can really explain in person though, such as I like the atmosphere there. I mean, at least dad isn't leaving his children to go get pissed up and get his leg over you know?
Kira, please get over yourself.
Sophie, stop drumming so loud and let me practice too.
Everyone else, just stfu.
Myself, get over yourself, your problems are like fucking pathetic, get a life, not everything is about you. Stop being a fucking show off, perfectionist, procrastinating, whiny bitch.
That may have been a bit harsh
BUT REALLY STOP
*Opens tub of smarties*
LET ME TELL YA'LL SOMETHING
I have this terrible need for being better than everyone and when people get better score or something I literally cry. I hate half of my 'friends' I have like 2 real ones. I can't talk to the people I want to because I DON'T DO FEELINGS.
But people really can be dicks. TYLARRRRRRR. *Ahem* Shade thrown. *Puts on shades and pretends to be cool*
I need counselling but nah.
It's cool though. I'm to scared of death to kill myself. (Thanatophobia) => Love you moth x
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self.depression
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Since I see I lack the guts to do it myself I wish I had a fucking accident. That would be the best way to go because no one would ever know I wanted to be dead. Life is not worth it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How do I hang myself so I die instantly and not choke? i don't really like the idea of doing it wrong and thought this would be the best place to ask, this will get taken down soon so plz reply fast.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Boyfriend tried to take his own life when he was younger My bf and I have been together for about two years, and when we fight, he gets so angry and abrasive. I always knew there was something else internal going on, and it had nothing to do with me. His dad took his own life when my bf was little, and I thought it had something to do with that. He has never been physically harmful to me at all. The other night, he finally told me everything. He said that after his dad died, he tried to take his own life. As he got older, he developed an abrasive side to him and jumped from relationship to relationship in order to not feel lonely, and that I'm the only one who he has ever loved and saw a future with. When he told me about his suicide attempt, I sobbed. I wish I had known earlier, but I understand. I feel awful for him, and I just want to make him feel better. I don't know what to do. I know I can't leave him (not saying I'm staying with him only because I feel bad for him), I love him to death and want nothing but the absolute best for him. I am so sad for him, but also scared. He said he wants to talk to a pastor and get more involved with his faith, which is great. Does anyone have any advice as for what I can do? Not to sound insensitive AT ALL, but in a way, I'm relieved to know that none of our fights and his anger is about me--it's all internal and things he needs to work through. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Psych Wards never helped me.. Hi everyone. I’m still suicidal. I have a history of depression, self harm, anxiety and ptsd. I have been to three different psych wards (one of those wards I visited 3 separate times). I see a psychiatrist and a therapist locally, and if I tell them I’m suicidal, they usually just send me back to a hospital. I have also gone to the wards via the emergency room, and once by a suicide attempt. And I have tried a variety of depression/anxiety medicine combinations.
My main point here is, I’m suicidal over my ex boyfriend. I love him so much and want him back more than anything. I’ve been to psych wards, have my own therapist and have self harmed. But nothing makes this feeling go away. It went away for a month because I honestly thought my ex boyfriend and I were getting back together. He told me last night that he wouldn’t get back together with me.
I honestly feel so lost without him. I know I’m definitely attached to him, to the point I feel like I can’t live without him... I just don’t know what to do anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Do any of you feel like you have too many friends and you can’t keep up with all of them in the capacity you think they expect from you? I’ve been drifting from some of my friends since the summer cause of this. It makes me feel guilty for pulling away but the reality is that I am investing as much as I can in relation to where I’m at with my recovery. (Recently found a therapist to work out self harm and depression issues too).
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self.Anxiety
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I don’t know. There’s nothing Fuck. I’m all alone. No one will ever love me. I have no support.
I swear to god if one more fucking person tells me I’ll find someone, I’m going to implode. No one knows what it’s like being alone. Not really. Everyone who says that “I’ll find someone” has never been single for more than a Few weeks. Until they decide they want to get into the pool again. I’ve been single my entire life. I’m not even allowed in the pool. Everyone goes for my friends. Hell I don’t even have friends anymore more and my family hates me. I hate Christmas. Everyone has someone that loves them. Their friends,family, SO. And every year, despite my best efforts, I get shooed away, laughed off, etc. I can’t blame them that do it. It still takes it tole. I’ve got nothing else to give. I’m out of gas and my legs are broken. I’ve got nothing to live for. If I’m lucky, I won’t wake up. They won’t even know my name.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Writing down my feelings. Lately, I have been going through a lot. I've battled depression and anxiety for years, but everything is only getting worse. Last night I spent 6 hours trying to transcribe my depression and write everything down. I wrote 14 pages about my life and experiences and pain, and I don't know what to do now. I've never gone to therapy but should I show this to a therapist? Should I show it to my friends? I don't know what's next for me because I want to get help but I don't know how. I'm 17 and I don't have a good relationship with my parents and I'm very uncomfortable talking to them about anything. I don't know how to get a therapist without my parent's help. Recently someone told the school I was suicidal when in reality they have no idea what's happening in my life and I'm very uncomfortable talking to the school. I just don't know what to do. If you wish to read it I put the link below. Thanks!
https://redd.it/7hdi2n
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self.depression
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Has anyone else ever ruined their ENTIRE life because of their mental illness? Because I did! I had the perfect life. Houses, cars, loads of friends. The whole package! I loved my husband of 20 years but bipolar mania made me think otherwise. I felt lonely with him so I cheated and left. I thought life would be better if I was just on my own. Well now I’m alllll alone. Went through divorce, lost all my friends and I’m barely hanging on to my job. Something that I always excelled at.
Please tell me I can recover from this devastation!!
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self.bipolar
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There is no way this many good things can happen at once. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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This is what my friends and family don't hear [deleted]
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self.depression
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I need someone to talk to I posted this earlier
https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/7kkoz7/not_sure_who_else_to_talk_to/
> I've been talking to this girl for the last 2-3 months and in the last couple of weeks we have met up a few times. On saturday she came to my place and we just chilled and watched netflix and it was the happiest I've ever felt in my entire life. I wake up this morning and all of a sudden she's blocked me on absolutely everything and it's killing me. I just want to die now. She's been such a big part of my life recently and it's heartbreaking for me to think that shes just gone like that with no explanation. I really don't know what to do.
>
i just really need someone to talk to right now, I can't sleep and I feel like I'm going to do something stupid
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self.SuicideWatch
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I fuckin' hate life if truth be told. It's just a load of bullshit and bullshit on top of each other. I really fucking hate life, it's shit. Nobody 'has your back', nobody is 'there for you'. They always leave when you need it the most.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I know I’m being ridiculous, but... On NYE, my friends and I went into town drinking. To cut a long story short, we all got way too hammered and we all can’t remember most of the night. I have random flashes of memory, like leaving one club to go to the next, and going to the chip shop (and falling over, the shame).
I understand it’s dangerous to get that drunk - it wasn’t intentional - but nothing happened, and my friends and I all just laughed it off as a messy night and nothing more. But I feel like this is just my mind playing cruel tricks on me because I can’t remember - I just feel like something happened? It’s unspecific: at first, I feared I was racist to people; secondly, I feared I told my friends embarrassing stuff about myself and/or I was nasty to them; and thirdly - and most ridiculously - I fear that when I went outside (apparently I left the club to look for my friends because I thought they got lost) i had sex with someone? It’s completely stupid, like I can’t have, but I fear that I had sex with someone and now am pregnant/have an STD. It sounds laughable, but I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s been a few days now, and all these ruminating thoughts won’t leave my brain.
Can anyone provide any reassurance? I’m making myself sick with these thoughts. Could this have happened? Would I have known? I hate alcohol blackouts...
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self.Anxiety
|
See this as my last letter to the world. All I can tell you is, game obsession is a real thing. Dont ever let you're kids touch the most toxic game ever called FIFA. It took over my life. I had to be the best. Skipped school. Quit my job. I got nothing now. I lose almost every game I play. I begged for help with the game, but even the fifa community ignores me. I watched so much tutorials. Nothing helps. It made me depressed to the point that every time I lose a game, I punch the controller in a certain place in my stomach so I can't breath. That is the right punishment for failing and failing. The game took over my life. I won't get better, I played over 250 games and lost over 150. All i wanted was to be good enough for the weekend league. But it won't ever happen. At first I was thinking, like, if there was a good reason to live, and anybody could give it to me, I might even not do it. But when I read on the internet nobody killed their self over FIFA, I realized, I had a shot at being 1st in at least something about the game.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I wish everyone an anxiety free life Depression, ADHD and Anxiety does one thing common - it reduces one's self esteem into ashes.
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self.Anxiety
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My anxiety stops me from dating All this Valentine's Day gumph is just reminding me of how my anxiety ruins things for me and how I'm probably never going to have what my brother and sister have with their partners because I let my anxiety prevent me from putting myself out there.
I've never really dated and the one (3 month) relationship I had I'm pretty sure I let myself ruin because I was so anxious about everything.
I have no experience either and feel like I'm well past the age of first relationships and awkward learning curves now anyway.
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self.Anxiety
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Can't anymore I finally told my therapist the last piece of the sexual abuse that he didn't know about. I know I should feel happy and free, but I feel exposed and like the world is closing in on me. I want to die. I can't anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone else feel like this? I am a 24 yo woman stuck with life. I currently stay with my mother and 2 dogs. I have a loving boyfriend who would do anything for me yet I can’t seem to be happy? I am on anti depressants and have been for around 5 years trying different kinds. I feel lost in my life like I’m getting older yet I’m in a shity job that fits around my college. I can’t seem to be able to save money I’m over eating and over sleeping. I went to the doctor today and I am being referred to a physiatrist. How can I once and for all sort myself out and learn to be happy? Why is it so difficult for me to feel happy with the life I have?
If you can relate how did you manage to turn it all around?
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self.offmychest
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I Love My Boyfriend Like a Son Typing it out just makes my heart burn, but finally I am able to describe the pain in simple terms: I love my boyfriend like a mother would love her son.
It didn't start out right away, just slowly overtime the rose-tinted glasses became clearer, more transparent, and I was able to see that the man I call my soulmate is actually just a big man-child who is leeching the romance out of our relationship. This realization makes me feel sick to the pit of my stomach. My boyfriend is an absolute sweetheart, and I am blessed to have him in my life because of how supportive, caring, and loving he is, but I'll be damned if he can figure out how to get off the computer long enough to realize that dinner doesn't make itself, and that the dishes need to be cleaned without being asked.
The two of us have been together for three years, this being the second year we've been living together, and I have to give him credit because we've been through a lot. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a companion stand beside them through what I would consider to be the hardest parts of my life. Ups, downs, laughter, and tears. We've went through it all together; fought together, learned together, made mistake together, and it has been great! However, through the years the 50/50 split in the relationship has become more of a 20/80 in his favor.
I've brought it up with him multiple times; telling him I love him but I need him to be a man, build the home with me rather than thinking it is done by some magical force that puts the dinner on the table, and pushes a broom around when no one's looking. And for awhile he will comply, agreeing fully that he is lacking in the areas that make me feel inferior in the relationship, but the laziness always seems to take over. A few weeks go by where I don't feel resentful that I have come home from work and the trash is sitting at the door, waiting patiently for someone to take it out, before it's back to me being mommy, taking care of her 23 year old boyfriend.
I'm just so tired, and to make matters worse is that my eyes have began to wander, searching for a man who is more mature in all the right areas, and can call me sexy and kiss me in public like he's the luckiest guy in the world. Oh, and I guess I forgot to mention that it's not just the chores that have me feeling like his mother, but the way he treats me in public, too.
Imagine if your woman wanted to dress nice for you one a date, so she shed a few pounds, picked out her sexiest top, and did her hair and makeup all nice just for you. Now imagine being the guy who, when your girl asks "do you like how I look?" responds with "You look okay, I guess," only to expect to fuck you later when no one else is around. Imagine that! How painfully deflating it always is to have your boyfriend too embarrassed to kiss you in public, like grade schoolers at the park, but then fully expecting to get the pornstar experience once you go home for the night.
I really feel ill, and I'm not sure what to do. I know that I love my boyfriend with all my damn heart, but the boy has got to change. I fear it's already too late, my one friend who is in a similar situation has been telling me of an older man that's being paying attention to her. She tells me all these things that he offers as her equal, and I can't help but think that that is the type of man I want to invest my blood, sweat and tears into. Yet here I am being a mother to my boyfriend.
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self.offmychest
|
I’m trying, I’ve been trying. It’s been so long now, the same thing day after day. I see so many stories of people finding their anchor, their will to live and instead of giving me hope I lose it more and more each time. I’ve tried being patient, I’ve tried to wait it out until it gets better like everyone says. I’ve tried to make myself talk to people even though I have no people to talk to. I’ve tried pretending that I’m fine, I’ve tried admitting that I’m not. I’ve gone to counseling, I haven’t tried meds but I doubt it’d be any good anyway. I’m trying now, every day, to find something to help, anything at all. The only solution I can ever come up with is to end my life,
I always hope that someday someone will come up with a grand solution for me. One that involves me being happy and living a full life, but I don’t see that in my future. I don’t expect much more of a future for me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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New here. Recently diagnosed. Trying to better understand bipolar from others who also live life with the diagnosis. Thanks for any input you have to offer. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Jealousy Walked into a swingers bar for work and saw a young woman OD on what i presumed was Heroin...my only reaction was jealousy. Its been a fun morning.
|
self.depression
|
A day ago I made a post about how I planned to kill myself in a year. I’m going to do it tonight. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Ever have to tell yourself "it'll be okay" over and over again during an episode?
|
self.depression
|
Hey I’m gonna FUCKING RANT BECAUSE J WANT TO KILL SOMETHING OR SOMEONE RIGHT NOW. Hello I don’t actually want to kill anyone but I feel like I need to tell someone my shit to let it off my chest. You probably shouldn’t waste your time reading my mega-brat sounding issues and these are terribly terrible awful pathetic first world petty ass problems but here I go.
So. First of all. I HATE being fucking ignored by people. I don’t ever get mad at anyone. Ever. I am a seemingly selfless and humble (irony there, I said it) person in my eyes and don’t mind really anything. But being ignored makes me want to explode. I think part of it is an inert need for attention from being extremely self conscious? Also I wasn’t around my father much as a child and I might have daddy issues because I missed out on that whole loving, fatherly mumbo jumbo growing up. Just a hunch idk.
I’m super lonely (romantically) at the moment and I’m 18 years old (female) and have never dated anyone and I’m also a virgin which is kinda the worst because everyone I know has had sex and I feel like a wittle bby. I’m really digging this one guy right now but he’s not the kind of person to be on his phone a lot, so I’m not getting that attention that I so ardently desire, but I still like him a lot so I can’t just drop him to save myself from being aggravated always because I’m not being obsessed over. I sound like such a brat but I think I’m just missing something. That something is a someone and I just rlly want someone to love me and cuddle me and hold my hand:(
Also I’m super duper afraid to have sex at this point because I’m so old and I feel like I should have by now and I feel as though I’m going to somehow screw it all up and it’s going to be terrible. Also I don’t want the person I lose my virginity to hate me because I already know I’ll feel attached to them. I also don’t want to randomly hook up with anyone because I’m not into that whole thing.
TLDR; I desperately want a boyfriend but afraid to have sex. I really need attention to fill some vague void that I can’t pinpoint the origin of.
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self.offmychest
|
A Classmate A college classmate killed himself, actually this wasn't recent but a few years ago, and he did it with alcohol I heard. My life is good and I don't want to end it, but was just curious how much alcohol would it take to kill oneself? It seems like the painless way to go.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Jealousy and Envy These two concepts are two of my big anxiety producers. And well I was wondering if there good techniques to get past these concepts.
|
self.Anxiety
|
How much klonopin do you take to get you to sleep?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Whenever I’m out and about, at work, the grocery store etc — I look around and see people smiling, laughing, talking to others with genuine interest etc. and I say to myself what the fuck? How do they do that? Whenever I smile, it’s pretty much always fake. I have a difficult time smiling for pictures. My wife will say, “it looks so fake. Can’t you just smile for real? Why do you look so unhappy?”.
And then the guilt comes in. Why CAN’T I look happy? What’s wrong with me?
Can anyone relate?
|
self.depression
|
I've been trying so hard, but death seems to be the only way eventually. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I wanted to suicide but I can't
I wanted to suicide but I can’t.
“I consider myself thinking too much on others feelings rather than
mine...but I can’t help it.
I wanted to eat pills to end it but it would destroy my body parts, can’t
donate it perfectly.
Same for jumping, stabbing, smashing.
Slashing, hanging would cause traumatising experiences for my fellow
dweller/dwellers (my sister in the same unit or the whole surrounding
community in the complex).
That’s not all since ending myself short would hurt some people, who would
it hurt?
My family, and my girlfriend.
Hence I can’t kill myself.”
Sister- she had a hard time growing up, with a hot headed personality and
never had a good mentor(including myself of course), so since she was in
the same school, I often visit her area asking the teacher to take care of
her a bit more, ask about her progress so I can at least help her at home.
My extra contents were never welcomed and they slowly stop coming to her.
I cherished her a lot, she never had it well with our aunty when we moved
overseas to her place for higher education, so she closed herself in the
room, sneaking out at night for food and all, like a sneaky little mouse.
The couple hated that behaviour but they are too lazy to actually go to her
room and tell her off, so I listened to all the yelling in her stead and
tell her the next day she should stop that behaviour...you know the
outcome, it didn’t change a bit.
So we’re asked to moved out...they hated us now to the guts, telling me off
have little to no effect, because I would just smile and nod it off. I
moved around all months looking for a place, organising paperworks while
talking to the aunty of her opinion of the place (we’re lucky enough to
have parents that can afford a place for us)...I became a “lame person just
like them” in her eyes...she started avoiding me more and more.
We moved out, but it sucks in every way to live with a family member like
that, so I moved to a friend’s place nearby, I moved back eventually when
our parents was so insisting, but she was no longer the sister I can
cherish...her way of living is...so different, the way she communicate at
times is pure toxic and it hurts. A lot.
Parents- mom and dad are nice, they are caring, old style but again caring,
mostly gentle as well. Everything with them is nice and dandy. However
there’s a but in the equation, his younger brother. You see my dad trusted
this guy so much he gave him his bank account to manage as well as a power
of attorney, and he put the house that my dad bought 20 years ago for our
grandparents who are currently still living in that house on a mortgage
with his house that he and his family of 2 daughters are living as well. A
‘bucket’ of loan out of nowhere with more than to 6 ‘bottles’ a month to
pay off. And he said my dad deserved it since he created a ‘crap load of
profit’ for dad. I ran around every month my second year University paying
all these money that I have no clue why I have to pay them every month
until dad told me that winter. He said he can manage it and he’s not
letting go of the uncle’s house neither. That’s fine and all since all the
paperwork has stopped him from using the power but...well recently...he
called. God knows where he got my number but it was really really really
annoying. My grandpa got seriously injured and was hospitalised for couple
of weeks, he basically threatened to messed up grandpa by coming in and
taunt the old man (old man knew what he did and is basically insta mad when
he sees his son) I for being quite close to grandpa, never once put my
phone on silent those nights because I know he wakes up early and is very
likely to call. I get calls at 1/2/3/4/5AM every 30 minutes by no caller
IDs instead that doesn’t make a sound when I picked up. Messed up my
sleeping schedule as stressed me out so much I couldn’t focus on anything.
My girlfriend told me to bring it to the police, but knowing dad cherishes
his siblings would be very sad I deleted the records and stay silent
instead. I already failed this subject twice with all other crapstorms that
made me failed but failing this time would surely get me to expelled out of
my dream career (it’s not like my overall GPA is high but I still
desperately want that degree) but I can’t focus at all. Every time I sleep
I would hear that ringtone ringing over and over for 3-4 minutes and
another 3-4 minutes after a while. I am not scared just annoyed so much at
the fact that this is affecting me so much. I mustered up courage and ask
for an extension for the first time in my life and finished it on time.
Looks like a ‘good project’ or so I said until I get up there with the
comments that I should have received classes ago that I should have
attended instead of sleeping in to fill up the sleep gaps by the calls or
getting a fever after standing in the rain just to shower of the stress in
the middle of winter... it little to say I failed again.
I never told my parents that uncle did this to me. My girlfriend urged me
to tell them but I kept quiet, telling both to her and myself this will be
the only time I let this go, consider this as a farewell gift to his family.
I confronted my parents with the result today, they simply asked me to try
again harder next time instead of yelling at me. From times to times after
every failures they would encourage me rather than scolding but I would
just die to hear them scolding me so hard this time because deep down I
know, there’s no chance I can do it again harder. I’ve broke my promise
with the University too many times, and they are surely not taking it this
time...and so every hour I would repeat to myself “I wanted to suicide but
I can’t”.
I an sorry reddit, it is a long chunk of text. I finally able to type out
some of the dead weight that I’ve been carrying around. It might not make
sense here and there as my head is not functioning properly at the moment
so if you can kindly ignore those bits for me. Thanks a lot!
|
self.depression
|
I had enough I’m exhausted of everything. I got diagnosed with major depression and BPD back in 2009 then I had to stop school during my third year of university for treatment. 2012 thought it will be a brand new start. Switched university and study sth new. But fuck during last year, 2015 of university I got diagnosed with MS. My life just fucked up and Till now I still can’t cope with it. Why the heck it’s always me. Thought I met someone who is like an angel and I love her. But sadly, she doesn’t feel like that way anymore. She said I’m suffercating her and that she has no freedom. So I let her to do everything her ways and I’ll just be there when she needs me. But yeah fuck again, she still doesn’t like it and she dumped two times. She wouldn’t care whether I’m alive or not. I’m not allowed to contact her. She kept asking me to move on move on. ITS EASY FOR YOU BUT NOT FOR ME! She’s happily flirting with another girl and I just get hurt and think of her every day. Why the fuck this is so unfair. I miss you a lot right now and I want to see you! You wouldn’t even give me a damn hug and just cut ties with me over texts. From top to bottom all you care is yourself. What about me? Why broke all the promises and hurt me real bad. I finally can see that why people said you were just using me. But why the fuck am I so dump and still love you? I don’t know how much longer I can hold this. It’s killing me everyday. I’ve been trying my best to live but it’s so hard. I’m just worried about my parents, other else I’ll just end myself right now. So stressed, so depressed. Help me...
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Starting 2018 with some exciting new intrusive thoughts! Throwaway account because this is fucking embarrassing and I don't want it on my real account. I was just chilling watching rogue one, drinking a beer when I kept seeing my self squeezing the glass so hard it shatters in my hand. It was like a clip playing on a loop, I had to set the glass down because I was afraid I'd actually do it. Now I can't stop thinking about self harming, which I haven't done since I was 15, that was 8 years ago. I can't distract myself from these thoughts anymore, I know I'm going relapse into my eating disorder and I'm just fucking exhausted with this. Happy new year y'all.
|
self.depression
|
I’m pretty sure my brother doesn’t care if I’m in his life significantly or not. My brother and I were never really close, but I try to get together to with him and his family whenever I can. My sister in law kind of tends to make me feel like a burden when I visit and I think she doesn’t mean to, I can just kind of tell she’d rather be doing her own thing with her family. My nephew is 2 and super great, because he just likes throwing soft toys. My brother is fine when I’m there, but he doesn’t ever really advocate for me when I’m not there... like they’ll visit my city and not tell me they’re around and then post to social media about it. They hang out with my sister in law’s family, who live in the same city, all the time and while I know it’s more convenient it just stings a bit. They do the same kind of stuff with other people in my family and I just don’t get it. I just want to be close to my one sibling and his family but I just feel like he and my sister in law don’t want to bother with quiet, awkward me.
Welp. That’s it I guess.
|
self.offmychest
|
Working with my sister So cleaning with my sister some nights has been awesome! We get along just fine and we vent about the same things at home and we know where the other one comes from.
This weekend we are filling in at our cleaning job and I just found out that its a big weekend and instead of closing at 9 and 6 people don't leave until 1 am in the morning. She knew and didn't tell me. I am beyond ticked and I want to cry and I can feel myself getting worked up about it and I just don't want to go. I have things I NEED to do both mornings the days after and where she has the excuse "oh my guts aren't going to let me" (colitis) I am expected to suck it up and get on with my day.
I work during the day almost full time where she is jobless so I feel like she wanted the money and knew I wouldn't go for it if she told me. She's just acting like its no big deal. Even the ladies who work here say its going to be extremely dirty and that we are going to be here a long time.
To summaries I'm not looking forward to my 30 min, panic attack filled drive back home. I just want to cry and my chest hurts and we aren't even done tonight but here I am making a throw away account cause I want to hear that others understand why I'm upset.
|
self.Anxiety
|
People are telling me to see a doctor for meds when the problem is environmental I have been depressed and suicidal since second grade a little over 15 years ago when i realized school (and later work) related activities will always take up over a third of most days, add in sleep and necessary chores and it only leaves you with about 2-5hrs of actual life a day.
The only times have have ever been happy (no depression symptoms or suicidal thoughts) are the brief periods I didn't work, go to school, and had enough money to not worry too much for a few months.
Then the money starts to dwindle, then everything comes back.
My partner is telling me I need to go back on meds, I have been on Wellbutrin twice for over a year each time and it doesn't do anything. I'm still suicidal, I still hate working. And the weight of all my time being lost still sours the time that I *do* have each day demotivating me because I never have the time to really "dig in" to anything before needing to go to bed for work.
So, what are other people's experiences? I'm going to my HR department tomorrow to talk about how my insurance works and how I can get started, since I have been given an ultimatum (I also have unrelated anxiety that started 2 years ago that I should get looked at anyway). Has anyone else had a similar experience? What drugs worked for you? Did nothing work? Should I just give up and go start the process to buy that gun?
|
self.depression
|
Should I tell people I'm suicidal? I've decided, after almost seven years of suffering in silence, to finally get professional help first, instead of outright killing myself. I'm worried because I was planning to get help "secretly", but I live with my parents and that might be hard. Should I tell them, and if so, what could I possibly say? I have no idea how to approach that kind of situation, we never discuss 'deep' things or have real talks or anything like that. So maybe it'd be better to just try to hide it to the best of my abilities? I'd appreciate immensely any kind of help.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I love you all. I think ive already posted tonight, but I just wanted to thank you all fro being there, when I've not wanted to talk about how I feel to others you have all been there to talk with me instead. I love you all and hope you all live good lives.
I know ive drunk a bit but if there is one thing Drunk me does it is tell the truth, you are all great people and all deserve the best.
EDIT: sorry ive drank too much
EDIT2: This is drunk me talking legit as well, there's not many people I truly appreciate you all are them
|
self.depression
|
I smoke cigarettes because I know that it kills me more. I started smoking cigarettes because everyone else was, but now I smoke them for the sole purpose of killing me slowly. I love my life and everyone in it, but I just don't really want to be here. Even though my friends and family tell me that they love me, I can't help but think that they don't mean it.
My friend told me that he wanted to have terminal disease, so that he would die, but also be able to say goodbye to loved ones and friends. Along with the pain, I feel I would prefer this way of dying. Painful and I get to say goodbye to my friends and family.
I'm not going to stop smoking cigarettes, I don't want to stop because it makes me happy, the thought that I am slowly killing myself. It won't be sudden and it will be more painful.
|
self.depression
|
I feel like garbage I want to lie down and just stare at a fucking wall all day. I don't want to talk to anybody or do anything. Just let me stare at this fucking wall until I'm ready.
|
self.offmychest
|
Anyone else peel the skin off of their fingers when anxious? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I just tried to kill myself So i just came out of the bathroom. I tried to cut my wrist like in the movies but my razor was not sharp enough and I just have a few deep scratches. My cat was outside the bathroom calling for me so I opened the door for her and she was so sweet and innocent.. I dont want her alone
Im feeling really calm now, I think is for the blood pressure. I dont now what to do now. I dont wanna die anymore. I want to hide everything and forget this but I have now marks in my wrist. I have thrown the razor and cleaned the blood but Im afraid someone will notice something, I dont wanna hurt anyone. How do I hide everything?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
xpost bipolar ... getting a prescription for a sun lamp. Need advice. Hey all,
Need some advice about picking out a sun lamp to help me in the mornings. Will be getting prescription from doctor, soon, which I am guessing allows me to pay with my HSA, and possibly get insurance to cover some of the cost.
I have no idea if I should let insurance decide, or pick my own. I know there are cheap POS $100 ones, and then nice ones above $300.
Anyone experience this, or have a link somewhere I can look? I’m having a tough time with myself, trying to concentrate on just surfing for legitimate links (getting distracted by all the gadgets and gizmos out there ).
Note: Some of you mentioned the warning before. My bipolar is very resistant to mania, and resides in depression. So, I don’t have much worry, but I will def keep an eye on things.
|
self.bipolar
|
my meds make me terribly constipated-- does this happen to anyone else? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
They say be yourself, but what if yourself is someone nobody (including yourself) likes? I can just tell that people...tolerate me. Even my own "friends." It makes me want to just walk into the woods. Does anyone else feel this way?
Update: Four months later, and I've done a total 180. All it took was hitting the bottom, having a big talk with my family, and a vow to myself to be okay with me. And boy, do I feel better. I'm keeping this here as a reminder where never to go again. Thanks, folks.
|
self.depression
|
My ex broke up with me because of my depression. This is a small part of why she broke up with me. She told me that I used my depression as an excuse to feel "bad" and that all I had to do was try and feel better. I hate this kind of stuff and now nobody will want to date me because she'll tell people that's what I'm like. I hate my life. Nobody will want to date me because of my depression.
|
self.depression
|
Hey I'm new to this group I'm new the group I could hardly sleep last night because I just wanted to cry so much I want to find someone to date and be my friend but I don't think I worth it
|
self.depression
|
What dose of Abilify have others found successful for depression? I'm on 2mg with wellbutrin. I'm having binge eating issues and so I'm not losing weight I regained from being on Latuda. Wondering now if I should try going off wellbutrin again (last time I only did it a few weeks and I don't recall my eating habits at the time, but depression was coming back), just to see if my eating improves, since I also had binging issues being on just it and lamotrigine. I've read that it can cause sugar/carb cravings for some people and possibly hunger for some.
Anyways, I had spoken with pdoc about this and about being open to trying a higher Abilify dose. We'd likely just double it to 4mg first, but I'm wondering what others have found useful? I see pdoc January 19th.
|
self.bipolar
|
poem I often feel down about myself
and I store my self esteem on the topmost shelf
so I cant reach it
others tell me "get yourself together"
but the walls too strong i cant breach it,
then i feel like weak shit
trying some of that bleak stuff
but the old me is somewhere inside gagged and handcuffed.
So he cant talk walk rise or shine,
not even when im alone with some rice or wine
that kid is still locked up inside trying to scream
but all he can do is wiggle and gleam at the wall
hoping someday it will fall
and someone will free him or see him at all
|
self.depression
|
It has been ages since I felt good enough to listen to music, watch a movie, or play a game. About all I do nowadays is google the news (hoping in vain for some event that will impact my life somehow, positively) - and browse Reddit. I literally can't enjoy anything.
|
self.depression
|
No matter how hard I try , I still manage to fail. I used to try hard , but I still failed classes and got in trouble with my parents. I don't try anymore, and obviously I fucking fail. I should just save myself all of the wasted effort and just kill myself. Life is too hard , and I'm gonna be miserable anyway, so I should just end it.
|
self.depression
|
Life is Predictable Don’t you agree that life has gotten predictable? I mean, everyone lives such a happy ignorant life and not realizing that in reality life is practically pointless. We all grow up and go to school for 18 years of our lives and get a job and do the same thing for the rest of our lives until we wither away. I don’t see what’s so enjoyable about life anymore.
It’s the same thing. Friends and family are just so predictable, you argue, have “fun”, get hurt and other stuff. Like there’s nothing new. You may argue that life exciting (yeah right) but frankly it’s not really. In my nihilistic and mildly depressive opinion, we have no purpose. We’re all just cogs in the machine.
Hell, I’m not even 18 yet (17, it may be angst teenage phase but nah it’s not) but I noticed this about life. When people treated you like shit for the past few years and that you’re lonely as shit and depressed, you tend to notice the truth of the world more.
Yet, I wonder everyday. Why was I out here? Why did I see life in my eyes? Why me? Why am I alone? Am I wrong about life being purposeful and giving us meaning?
But then, I’m just a guy with depression looking at the future with a bleak yet realistic view. Prove me wrong, please. I don’t like this.
|
self.depression
|
If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done And I just can't figure out what that is. Because I don't have much
|
self.offmychest
|
Life is fucked What's the point of all this? No love, no life, even if i go get a job, i'll be miserable. I've always had one up until recently. What's the point if I just end up broke and alone?? I'm always the black sheep wherever I go. People just always point their fat fucking fingers at me for someone to blame. I'm not allowed to be happy. It's a crime. Every move I make is illegal to everyone, yet I'm the one hurting them. People can't ever bite their tongue or swallow their pride around me like I've had to do so many times in my life. I want a change, but I'm broke as fuck and if I get a job, it'll most likely make me more bitter. Just fuck. Fuck this stupid fucking life. Fuck the fucking holidays. Not sure what I did to end up here, but I never wanted to be in this life in the first place. How can they call it life when you aren't living?
|
self.depression
|
Can someone please tell me why I feel like I'm going to pass out or die in certain public situations? I'm just trying to get an idea if this a condition I have, because it's really beginning to become a problem for me.
Every now and then(I would guess half of the time) I start feeling like I'm almost having a panic attack in certain public situations.. for example.. standing in line at the checkout, or at a bank, my heart will start racing rapidly. I probably look weird as hell but I'll start touching my neck and feel my pulse and it's just going crazy.... I feel like I'm going to pass out... It gets so bad sometimes I have to walk away and leave.. going outside is the only thing that calms me down.
I'm just trying to see if anyone else has experience things like this or might know what's going on? If I go to the doctor... I need to know what I can tell him I think might be going on with me. ..
|
self.Anxiety
|
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