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am i BP or just a spoiled kid... foa, my English is not really good.
my parents are really concern for my behavior, i know that im so irritable, and i put them in bad situations, and sometimes doctors says that is not my fault, being diagnosed with BP disorder is something i don't know how to live with. it is really the disease fault? or am i just a brat? spoiled kid? ... idk, but im bad at problematic situations, i could be really mean, and thats because i feel the anger in my veins, and i feel like, im going to fall from a cliff... im always feeling that im about to explode for no reason... help me please...
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self.bipolar
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Fed up of people questioning the intelligence of others based on their social/speech skills. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Missing Thanksgiving for work But I'm at least thankful I don't have to go around thanksgiving dinner having people figure out what a loser I am.
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self.depression
|
Is living this way okay? I’ve lived with depression for so long that it feels weird not to be depressed sometimes. I don’t like it. It’s almost as if I need my depression because it’s what I’m comfortable with. It gets me through my ruts in life by making me feel nothing. But at the same time, it’s so pathetic. It keeps me from doing things I enjoy, and it makes me feel worthless and hopeless. It makes me think about suicide a lot too because I start to think about my future, like what the point is in living or if I can really handle anymore pain. (What is the point in life anyway? Work until you die?) But then it gets even worse when I realize I can’t end it, because of personal obligations based on relationships and religion. (Plus I’d never get to finish dark souls. But really what’s it matter when you’re so depressed that you can’t even turn your console on).
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self.depression
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Help, i cant get a memory out of my head [trigger warning: animal violence] [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Hello again Round 2, Hooray... I feel like I'm going to implode, I feel like I have a hole in my chest , I feel lonely unless I have a crazy amount of physical contact with someone I care about (which are few and far between right now) I'm struggling with how to deal with my emotions, hormones and overall stupid fucking teenage guy mind. I most likely have a mixture of mental disorders, Anxiety, Depression, Dissociative, and a whole range of other things. Basically I just feel stuck, I don't trust anyone in my family I can stay or visit, my friends are amazing but hey can't help me because my problems can't be stopped by just venting, I probably need real medical help but I can't afford it, access it without my parents knowing of it and the school counselors have supposedly broken confidence before as well as the one I was assigned basically hates me, I just feel trapped, my schooling is struggling because of teachers that dislike me and a general failure to focus for long on my half. I've got excellent grades but I feel like I'm running out of steam. My chest feels like I have a hole in it and that my body is gonna implode If I give up for a second, the hole is part of me never experiencing a relationship in my life that's romantic and now all of a sudden feeling a desire for it stronger than even the desire for sex, it feels like an all consuming emotion and even now I'm crying thinking about it, I just want to have someone that will both let me love them and be loved, I just, it's crushing me, my loneliness and desire is crushing me, I nearly screwed up the rest of my life in the desire for sex and this is so much stronger, I just don't know what to do, I'm stuck and I don't wanna drag the people around me with if I collapse not unlike a star burning out and collapsing into a black hole, I want to live but I don't see another way out besides waiting to be crushed in all my entirety, I just feel like my entire life is constantly escalating and I can't stop it
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self.SuicideWatch
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Frequency of thought I'm trying to understand someone that is experiencing problems. Many people have suicidal thoughts usually it's fairly sporadic that something happens like a break up or something. Or is that notion incorrect? Is there a typical level of frequency people are more prone to searching for a way to suicide such as daily or weekly? Is it tied to an emotion or feeling or just tied to some idea that fits the moment?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Quick reminder Just a quick reminder that you and your life are entirely unimportant. You are here for the same reason any living thing is here, to further your species, however because of mankind's progressions, you now can put that on the back burner and focus on things that - when compared to anything other than yourself - are completely trivial.
If you don't get killed by a drunk driver, or commit suicide from financial stress, you will most likely: die in your sleep, unaware. Or, In a cold, sterile hospital room. Or, after years of dementia induced mental torment, or months of cancer induced physical torment. On top of that, everyone you've ever known, loved, or cared about will also be killed, kill themselves, or otherwise die. In 100 years (if you're lucky), no one will care about, remember or know you. Everything you've ever done, loved, cared about, believed in, fought for, regretted, cried over, laughed over will be forgotten.
The likelihood of you remaining relevant post humorously for the next hundred years is slim, the likelihood of you remaining relevant post humorously for the next thousand years is even slimmer, and you remaining relevant forever is impossible, and can't ever be known. Not that you will ever find out if you are relevant after death, because your dead, but don't get your hopes up.
Yes, life is what you make of it, but just remember that your self validation and self fulfilment is vastly, vastly unimportant to anything or anyone other than yourself. You exist to breed and survive, but you exist in an awkward time where the human species transcends natural selection, whether you partake in breeding or surviving or not. So have fun trying to validate your existence, because it's futile, trivial, and won't matter in a hundred years time.
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self.offmychest
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So Depressed I Can Feel My Head Throbbing Anybody get the same feeling when you're going through depressive stages? My brain is throbbing and my vision is blurred. That's how bad it is.
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self.depression
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How do i chill out before blood Work? I hate needles with a burning passion, and the thought of someone literally sucking blood out of me scares me to death.
Do you feel anything when they start to suck it out of your arm?
Also how do i calm down before blood work?
EDIT: I apologize if this isn’t as serious as some questions, I thought this would be the best place to ask.
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self.Anxiety
|
pls I feel bad when I make others feel bad for living their lives. i’m sorry i’m sad and alone, pls no pity
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self.depression
|
When do I give up... I can't hold this in any longer. My life sucks and it really sucks to the brim, a lot of people think my life is just easy I can't even talk about my emotions to my friends. They just take it out as a joke or don't understand me. My life has been shit since I was born, abusive dad to being kidnapped. But now im on the edge, my mom is driving me insane searching my room searching my closet everything. I have no privacy in my home while I'm 18 years old. If I drink a beer I'm considered an alcoholic to my mom. If I smoke a sigarette I'm considered a smoker for life. I just can't live like this anymore. My mom asks why I'm not doing anything usefull with my life why do I drink a beer now and then while I could be a lawyer? But no her son is a retarded animator. Its like she is ashamed im an animator. Sadly my mom is a muslim and she is forcing me to be too. I just don't feel like it anymore its hard to believe in something I haven't seen yet or felt.
Im also suffering from winter depression where I have these vitamin D stuff that kinda helps me, but I also have MODY-3. Just google it..
I just feel like shit now and I need to get it out somehow, I hope my life just gets a little bit better but for now im only falling deeper in a pit of sorrow.
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self.depression
|
DAE get in these moods of pure hopelessness? Sometimes I just get so fed up with trying and life and I just want to sit in bed all day and mope. It tends to happen at night and makes it hard to sleep. They are occurring every 1-2 weeks and last until I fall asleep.
I tend to think about what it would be like to be normal or sometime even dead. I'm getting real sick of it and just want to sleep at night again.
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self.Anxiety
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Meds I'm on two stabilizers and am SSRI. I've been told an SSRI is a bad idea for BP2.. what do you think? Are you on any?
I'm going to talk to my doctor but I've been mostly feeling a step above normal but not full.blown Hypomania
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self.bipolar
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What do you do when you get lonely? I mean to the point where you feel like crying, when you feel like everyone is against you and you're just a stupid, unwanted pest.
Some advice? idk
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self.depression
|
I've managed to screw up just about everything in the last month. I can't believe how much I've managed to ruin everything. I've started falling behind in classes, and haven't been able to do any assignments, thanks to extreme depression and laziness. I don't have any more mental energy to do my remaining coursework, which consists of 5 projects and 4 exams. My anxiety also prevented me from calling back for a job. My BPD makes friendships difficult and nobody really likes me anyway. Damn it, I've managed to completely ruin any good thing I still had. I have no hope for my future. If only I wasn't too lazy to end my life. It feels like the only way to be truly happy, and not ruin anything.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I can't do this anymore, one last goodbye I can't be like this anymore.
I pretend that I'm normal. I go to work. I work 8-4 like everybody else. But there's this everlasting sadness inside me. Some days it worse, but I still put up my shell towards people so they don't worry. I smile, I laugh, I crack jokes.
But then I get home.
I just break down. Crying, smashing things, punching the wall. I don't know what to do. I just get overwhelmed with this hopelessness. I wish there was something I could do, but I've tried for too long.
The last time the knot untied. This time I made sure it's nice and tight. I guess this is my goodbye.
I'm sorry for the times I let those near me down.
I'm sorry for not being normal.
I'm sorry for giving up so easily.
I'm sorry I can't take me anymore.
Goodbye and thanks for everything
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My psychiatric meds are ruining my marriage. I deal with depression and anxiety, and possibly an undiagnosed compulsive disorder. I'm on one sedative for my depression, one for my anxiety, one to combat the insomnia created by my depression meds, and one that I take only when I feel a panic attack coming on. That's four sedatives. All of the bottles are labelled as causing drowsiness and dizziness, so it's really hard for me to get out of bed in the morning and I am perpetually in need of a nap. I can't have a lot of caffeine because of other health issues so most days, I just function as best I can.
Being a stay-at-home mom, most of my functioning is aimed at keeping my 3yo daughter alive, happy, and healthy. Chores fall behind. My husband was raised in a neat freak family and is always mad at me for not having the house spotless when he gets home (never mind that most of the mess is actually his dishes, socks, and trash). I literally cannot function enough to have the house always to his standards. I can't get my meds changed either, as these are the first that don't cause other, worse side effects, and I've been on psychiatric meds for ten years. Emotionally I feel good, except that my husband's always mad at me.
It got to the point today where he said that if I can't keep the house clean, I have to leave. So that's my choice: stop taking my meds so I'm not always tired, or leave.
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self.offmychest
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I survived Christmas Me and my ex got together on Christmas 4 years ago.
This year was my first year as her, as my ex...
As someone who have tried taking his own life before, i find amazing i only cried.
Im truly getting better.
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self.depression
|
Looking for some advice As the title says, I'm looking for advice. I'm a woman in my mid 20s, if that helps. I don't think that I have any triggers for my anxiety or panic attacks.
I am usually anxious, but not to the point where I am unable to function. I also have panic attacks when my anxiety gets very bad. My SO says that my demeanor changes not too long before I have a panic attack. He says that I get very withdrawn, that I don't want him to touch me in any way, and I tend to be rather short with him. However, I cannot notice these things until after the panic attack has happened.
How can I do better with this? Like I said, I cannot notice that I'm being really withdrawn and short until after the panic attack is over. My SO is amazing and I don't want to hurt him even if it is inadvertently, which is what I feel like I'm doing whenever this happens.
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self.Anxiety
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Avoidance I had to go to a specialist doctor due to heavy inflammation and pain chronically, he asked for blood work and I have yet to go (appointment was in October). I'm not sure if I'm avoiding this because
-it could all be in my head, and there's nothing physiologically wrong with me
-or because I'm dying and wouldn't be as upset then the first option.... yikes.
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self.depression
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What do you eat when you don’t feel like eating? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Damned office birthdays Nearly every week here in Dante's cubicle farm, a file folder surreptitiously circulates so that all may add a few witless words of wisdom and hollow birthday wishes. For whatever reason, today's instance has irked me to no end. I am nearly 40 years old. My birthday falls between Christmas and New Years. In nigh on twenty years of wage slavery, no one has ever presented me with a card. There is never cake and ice cream for good ol' Slasher. As far as all my casual confederates (and a fair share of extended family) are concerned, I am an ageless immortal.
I deplore the stab of petty jealousy that racks my wretched soul every week of every month of every year that I must sign one of these goddamned cards.
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self.offmychest
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Waste of space and time ... You guys ever had someone you thought you could be good friends with... despise you for annoying them? Ever felt like you should just disappear and never like anything anyone makes in fear of annoying them with your useless comments?... Ever hated yourself for ruining something else?
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self.depression
|
I just moved in with my fiancé and I regret it after less than a week He keeps fucking moving my things and then forgetting where he puts them.
It's driving me crazy.
He also DOESN'T FUCKING LISTEN TO ME
I told him the dishwasher was full of CLEAN dishes, but that I would put them away and then load the dirty ones in the sink into it and run it.
Not 30 minutes later, I walk out to a running dishwasher. I asked if he unloaded the clean dishes first, and he said "no, I noticed it was full so I ran it"
I LITERALLY JUST TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT, IT WAS FULL OF *CLEAN* DISHES
We have a laundry basket and a larger bin-type thing. The bin had clean clothes in it I had washed but hadn't put away. The basket had a few dirty clothes in it.
For some inexplicable reason HE SWITCHED THE TWO AND COULDN'T REMEMBER WHEN I ASKED HIM WHY HE DID THAT
He also keeps coming home in the middle of the day and interrupting me - I work from home and this is seriously interfering with my productivity.
Every morning, he wakes up, turns the bedside lamp on, and then leaves the room to get ready for work. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to sleep since I don't have to commute, yet the light is on. Also he puts on his shoes literally THE SECOND he gets out of the shower and gets dressed, then walks around making coffee and breakfast and tidying up STOMPING AROUND OUR HARDWOOD FLOORS WITH HIS SHOES ON. Our floors get dirty, I can't sleep, and it just makes no sense! Wear your fucking socks instead!!! I do our laundry, I promise I'll fucking wash them if that's your issue! It's easier to clean socks than our floors!!!!!!
And the worst are his fucking friends. We've had them over a few times, and I've gone out of my way to tidy up the place, buy snacks and beer for them, and generally try to be a good host. Yet inevitably, they all but ignore me and profusely thank ONLY him at the end of the evening. As if it's not my house too, and as if I didn't go out of my way to make our home a nice place for them to visit. (And before anyone says "maybe they're not used to you living there yet," we moved into a new place together. I didn't move into HIS place that he already lived at, we went apartment hunting and moved in together, at the same time, splitting rent and bills equally)
Please tell me I didn't make a huge mistake moving in with him...
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self.offmychest
|
I think I’m going to the police this weekend It’s been just over 3 months since I was raped and I turned the police away when my cousins called them and due to me not speaking to them and not providing them with any evidence, the case was shut. They sent me a letter last month saying that I could always go back to them, and I think I’m ready now. I hate the person that did that to me, I hate how he’s ruined my life and ruined my relationship, and because of him I had to go through an abortion which was the worst pain I had ever experienced, I never want to do that again.
I’m still nervous and I’ve backed out of reporting it quite a few times, but my sister is coming home this weekend and said she’d go with me so I think I will.
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self.offmychest
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Am I experiencing Disassociation? I just feel disconnected...I'm not experiencing loss of time at all. I don't lose time. I feel time pass, it feels normal. It has its usual ups and downs where it feels like damn, "today felt slow" or "today went quickly" or "today was normal" but no chunks of time disappear from memory at all. My memory is a bit foggy, and I have a hard time recalling exact details of what happened two to three days ago but that isn't abnormal, right? I just feel kinda disconnected from myself and others. I don't know why. I feel anxious. I feel like scared that I may lose my mind and I constantly feel like I'm about to have an anxiety attack or have the side effects of one. Anyone have any ideas?
Edit: I just keep telling myself to do my best every day with what I have and be loving, patient and kind, have faith in God and do what I love (right now I've been keeping busy with hobbies like cartography and writing). I've felt crappy for six months now.
edit 2: Normal stuff also weirds me out. Like just life in general. I’ll look around and just think...”why? Why is it this way? Isn’t this weird to anyone else?”
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self.Anxiety
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why do i kill myself every night checking his page [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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How have I been dealing (and still am) with deppression. You might get kind of annoyed because a source of my depression is a girl and she has been only for the past 4 weeks, and I am in a deep shit already.
But the point is that I just wrote about it.
I sat at my desk, opened word and started writing what I felt. In 30 minutes I wrote 2 pages of (i think) a good story and it did make me feel better, and I plan on continuing it. Maybe you should try it out too?
Note: I am european and my native language isn’t English but I wrote my story in English since it felt way easier to express my feelings in foreing language. I honestly don’t know if it’s just me...
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self.depression
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I want to kill myself but I don’t know why Hi Reddit, this is my first time actually using ready so forgive me if I fuck something up, I don’t really know how to begin talking about this so I’m just going to get into it, I’m 17 years old and I want to kill myself, that’s all fine but after reading so many other threads on here by other people it seems like everyone has a “good” reason.
The problem is i do not, I have a nice family, a decent job for my age and a small group of friends but there’s still always a thought in the back of my head telling me to do it, I have the rope ready I’m just too much of a coward to actually do it but I’ll get it done eventually.
I also sometimes get horrible thoughts about other people too and I just want to know what’s going on in my head as I’m starting to become scared of myself and what I’m thinking, someone help me?
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self.SuicideWatch
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All I want to do is sleep, but for some reason I'm up at 3AM thinking about people I shouldn't be thinking about [deleted]
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self.depression
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My life isnt shitty but I feel like it is? I am currently playing for a professional sports team and I have basically 0 problems, except that my social life outside of the sports is shit, I basically dont know how to act socially..
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self.depression
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I need some help, i have no idea how to make friends and the lonely is killing me. Hi, I am a 19 year old man, so I am still a teenager who probably understands very little about life. Even so, lately I have felt terribly depressed for the reasons I will make known a little later. Before, I used to be a very happy person, I had a girlfriend with whom we were about to be 3 years together. She was also my best friend, we did everything together and she did not need anyone else (besides, i did not have anyone else, but that did not matter to me, while she stands with me, i didn't need any friends). The thing is that at one point we broke, at first I was very affectionate, but I "got over it" quickly and I felt pretty good. The problems came when I realized that I did not know how to relate to almost anyone, I did not know who to turn to constantly as a friend, not as an acquaintance whom I only see at some parties. At first I did not take much importance, because despite not having friends, I used to go out at night quite often with different people. I went from group to group, everything was super intermittent, I did not stay with anyone constantly because I was not sure how to do it. Then, I reached a point where I started to get depressed slightly from time to time, like when I was alone in my house or went out to do everyday tasks, the fact of being alone and realizing it depressed me . Although I felt bad, it was not something that happened to me often (About 3 days a week more or less), but with time it became constant, I began to despair because I did not have anyone by my side. I tryed to make friends , but they all went away in the passing of days. So, I also began to feel as if people hated me, as if nobody wanted me and preferred to get away from me, as if I were a bloodthirsty. At this moment I do not know what to do, I have many suicidal thoughts, I do not want to get up in the mornings, I do not even go out, I stay in my house locked up doing nothing. The thing is that I do not know how to make friends, and that's killing me, loneliness is getting worse. I've really tried a lot of ways to make friends, but they all end up leaving me and that only makes things worse as I said before. I want to ask for your help, I want to know how you can make friends (Because i really have no idea how to), how to avoid this loneliness, how I want to go out and stop thinking about committing suicide, but most importatly, how to make friends, i feel like that's all i need. Thanks to those who came here, I appreciate your time and interest.
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self.depression
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The one thing that makes me feel something also makes me more depressed [deleted]
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self.depression
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I don't want to live, I don't even want to be happy. I can't find a reason to live I'm another garbage male romantic failure. I know I'm just one of many. I can't let go the girlfriend thing. I'm way to ugly to get a girlfriend, and I've heard the whole you need to love yourself before you love someone else thing before. I can't accept it though. To me it just feels like I'm being told "You have to settle with yourself." I don't even want to give up on it. I'm a selfish ass who is way to greedy and should be thankful that I grew up and still live economically stable and have a lot of things that other people wish for. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'd rather kill myself than settle with a life of being alone. I don't know why I should keep living, I'm just a sack of shit that is a waste of space. The resources used on me could be put to better use.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The Process of Moving Forward Hey guys. This post will be a contrast to my last one, I think. It was titled 'Fuck This' and contained what it sounds like it would.
I've just spent a week celebrating the music I love, at a festival. It was an experience that really helped me to feel free - I felt as if I had successfully integrated into adulthood and was able to talk, drink, dance and celebrate with adults, as an adult myself. In a way that I haven't felt for a long time, I felt good - I felt happy.
Upon arriving home, I left to the coast to join my friends in schoolies (an after graduation celebration that spans a week). I'd been dreading this event: school, childhood and my school friends have been a consistent and serious trigger for depressive episodes and suicidal thoughts.
However, I had hope that I would be able to celebrate our graduation and resolve this chapter of my life before I continued this newer chapter - the one that brings me joy. My hope was misplaced.
It started alright, but the people around me began to descend further into a drunken haze. Conflicts ensued, tears were shed and vomit was spilt. I enjoyed absolutely none of it. The contrast between the week I had spent earlier as an adult, and the absolute mess of children around me was gigantic. I felt alienated and alone. Being with everyone in the first place was extremely draining, yet alone when everyone was drunk and unrelatable. During the night, I sat there, completely drained and hopelessly fighting the depressive and suicidal thoughts that were trying to manifest within my mind.
Nobody was going to sympathise with me. Nobody was going to check in on me. Nobody was coming.
Instead of breaking down, I was able to organise a way to go home the next day. I'm getting better. There was a time when I would have been overwhelmed and tried to end my life impulsively. But not this time. This time I was able to read my thoughts and feelings and move forwards before things escalated. I'm still not doing well by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm learning. I'm beginning to understand how to manage the environment around me and choose to do things that don't have a negative impact. It's a slow process, but I'm moving forward.
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self.depression
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Does anyone else have chest aches as a symptom of anxiety?
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self.Anxiety
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I don't think I can continue Thinking about giving up. Unloved for far too long, desperate. Help me please.
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self.SuicideWatch
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It's 5am, I've devoured 4 packets of crisps, 3 bananas, a Packet of jaffa cakes and some cereal...fuck you olanzapine Ugh
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self.bipolar
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Stranger on a plane This is one of my biggest regrets this year.
I'm sitting on a plane from Toronto to New York and an absolutely gorgeous man takes the seat next to me. I am flushed and when he starts talking to me I am freaking out inside. We chat for most of the flight, talking about our jobs and he tells me about his home in Switzerland. He is friendly and funny and by the end of the flight our heads are bent together in deep conversation as if it is our first date. He gets my bag down for me and we walk out together. Unfortunately at this point he says goodbye as he is waiting for his collegues to join him. And so I just walk away.....without his name or his number!!
3 months later and I'm still wondering what would have happened if I'd at least found him on Facebook or something.... :(
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self.offmychest
|
Loneliness, ruined date, getting drunk, family problems... I’m an ugly brown International guy.
I asked out a friend for a date. The date was alright, except at the end I screwed it up, I deadass asked her if I can kiss her. And she said we’re just out as friends... that was probably my last date with her... she probably hates me now...
Then later that night I went out with friends to a party, got drunk outta my mind, no success there either... I’m pretty sure I’m a very ugly guy... I’m brown, ugly, pathetic build, barely above average intelligence and I’m in debt(thanks to college loans)... I feel very lonely and depressed.
My dad had a brain tumor, he had a surgery for that, but he still has parasomnic seizures(he occasionally sleep walks and talk in a dangerous way)... I’m thousands of miles away from him... my mom has to deal with all that... I’m very worried for them...
I’m also worried that I’m going to end it all. I have responsibilities for my parents I can’t end it...
I have to keep on going... but I’m sad and a failure...
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self.depression
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I feel guilty for not helping in the fight for net neutrality, but I can't call [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I don't deserve your kindness. Or anyone's kindness for that matter.... I failed the people I care about, and I failed at not making myself look like a complete asshole or a whiny kid.
That mental wound that my kid-self receive has never really gone away... even if I label it as the past.
Yet.... I can't ever seem to create meaningful relationships... with anyone....
I feel so alone, so very alone... for so long.
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self.offmychest
|
After over a year away, I'm back, and somehow at a lower point than before. I had a good run, there was positivity. But unfortunately, the negatives became too much. Succumbed to alcohol, failing college and getting kicked out my dorm.
I don't know where else to go, truthfully. I feel like such a massive waste of space. Wasted my parents money on this dorm. Wasted their money on school. I've just hit a lower point than ever before.
I don't have high hopes anymore. I just wake up and go through the motions. Every day is just another day I got to get through. I don't really know what to expect, from anything.
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self.depression
|
Loneliness is physically hurting me. It was not to long ago until I realised how lonely I am. I hang out with same 4 friends every time who I'm not comfortable with sharing anything because they are immature and make fun out of every little thing their is. Girls don't want to hang out with me because I'm not a typical douchebag like almost everyone. I would ask them out just so we could chat, but that isn't working out.
With that being all said I developed this "someone" with who I talk to. Coming from a religious family I have grown up to believe in God, so I think I relate this someone with God. I tell all my problems and I request they would go away. My problems only got worse and worse so one night when I was on the edge of breaking down I realised I'm actually talking to no one but myself. When I actually came to this conclusion I fucking broke down pretty hard. Tears were running down my face and all I could think about is how much of a baby I am. I started hitting myself so it would go away.
When I started to physically hurt myself I told myself it's enough, go get some help. I know the internet isn't the best place to be around in a situation like this, but there is still enough hope left in me for me to believe there is someone who can relate to me. These are all new stuff I'm experiencing since I never had problems like this. Sorry for the long post, but I actually think I'm going mental.
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self.depression
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I cant trust my therapist or the help they give me [deleted]
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self.depression
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Why? Why did you have to do this to me? I was just a little kid. I couldn't protect myself from the amount of abuse you put me through. I still feel you hitting me after years of counseling, feel your fists on my body, feel you pulling my ears, slamming me against walls, choking me, dragging me by my hair. I hate you with every part of my body. You have no idea how much you hurt me. Not only the broken arms, the black eyes, which I had to explain to everyone that they were from walking into walls, the bald patches, which you covered up by shaving my head, the black and blue ears, the bruises all over my body, but the emotional pain as well. I see two counselors a week, and nothing helps. I cut myself because the feeling of not hurting is completely foreign to me. I hate you. I hate what you've done to me.
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self.offmychest
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Nightmares and therapy I've been seeing a therapist for three weeks. Most of what she says to me is I'm doing a good job coping with everything.
I'm not sure how to properly communicate that I'm doing well with everything except having vivid dreams involving my family and a few past abusive situations. I would like to wake up earlier than I do and go work out before work but this is hampering my ability to do that because I spend a couple hours in bed decompressing before work.
Any thoughts ?
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self.bipolar
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i cannot eat or sleep i used to have an eating disorder due to anxiety where i couldn't eat because it made me feel so sick and i'd have to make myself throw up to ease the nausea. i haven't had those symptoms in over a year now but today they are back full force. i have been unable to sleep for 2 nights in a row and lay awake all night with crippling nausea. currently taking small bites out of a pizza and having green tea - but every bite is horrific. please help. i feel not like myself - not like a human - i feel really afraid and alone. please help. i don't want to feel like this anymore.
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self.Anxiety
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How to survive high school I know it's dumb because I'm only 14 and have severe depression and "life isn't even hard yet" but I've cut for the second time today. I'm a loser, a failure in the eyes of all, the reason my brothers are ruined in my mom's eyes. Nothing of worth. I'm average at best, and just ugly, inside and out. I see no reason to live, when all that happens is I get yelled at. But if I try to talk about it I'm "overreacting." Am I Reddit? Does my depression even count?
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self.SuicideWatch
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so i forgot to take my meds for a weak and now im paying the price for it so i forgot to take my meds for around a weak and i feel like shit becuse of it, i meen i felt grate that first weak (that is how i forgot to take them/ i felt ontop "free" and toght i dident need them as much as before)
sadly i flet like shit again after the fun times where over and after some argeuing with myself i finaly got back to my meds (aka the things keeping my stable) and now i am feeling the efects of my body and mind adjusting to the meds again.
worst part is this isnt the first time i have done this, i keep forgeting, wich meens i probebly will end up doing it again.
i really need to sort my shit out so i dont fuck myself that hard, so today has been feeling empty and feeling like vometing almost all day...
idk why i am posting about this, mabye just to have told a grop of people that can relate ? idk mabye im just so starved for contact that this is my only way to it...
mabye i`ll learn one day, probebly not, i meen i havent so far
anyway if you made it this far thank you for reeding my mad ramblings and bald grammer.
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self.depression
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Came here to feel better about myself by helping others, but every positive reply just feels like bs I think that's part of my problem, I try so hard to be positive, and I do succeed, but only superficially, really it all feels fake and not me so I want to be true to myself but that means being a miserable piece of shit that hates everyone who tries to help him because he's so confused in his own head that he doesn't know what he wants, what will help or his own feelings
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self.depression
|
Why do I feel so empty I have a loving family, caring friends, a girlfriend, I get good grades in school, life is pretty good but I just feel so empty at the end of the day. I fake most of my laughs and excitement. I don't feel a connection with anyone really. My sex drive is mute. Nothing gives me much joy.
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self.depression
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Someone I knew died last night and now there's a giant hole.. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Just a thought Isn’t it kinda weird when you realize that no one knows what you’re going through. No one knows the about the sadness, the pain, the anger. They don’t know about the plans we might make. The way we might fantasize about death. Think about it; one minute you could be sitting down and zoning out a little bit thinking about ways to kill yourself or when you’re gonna do it. And the people around you have no idea about what’s going on inside. They have no idea what’s gonna happen. Something that also trips me out a little is when I look around at my family and I think that soon I’m not gonna be here. Soon they’re gonna find me lying dead and that’s it. They’ll never get to hear me speak again. They’ll never see me again. Sometimes when I think about that, for a minute or so it’ll kind of feel like I’m already dead and I’m watching my family but they can’t see me. Like it’s after my death. I know that sounds but whatever. (I’m not looking for advice I’m just venting)
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self.depression
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Could my suppressed emotions be causing my anxiety in this situation? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Does any one have parents that are really religious, urging you to pray instead of taking your medications? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Just messed up a job interview... So I had a horrible morning, was really stressed out going into the interview, because I really wanted this job. I was 10 minutes late because traffic was way worse than usual, and my answers to all his questions made it obvious I was nervous. It feels like I said all the wrong things. When I was leaving, he said he had other a lot of other interviews, and he’d be in touch Friday. I know that’s a terrible sign. He also told me about employee discounts, which could’ve been good, but followed up with “if you were going to end up working here.” Ugh.
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self.Anxiety
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People don't care about your health, just how it affects them. They hate when I'm active and excitable and active because I do things they don't like when I'm like that, most of the time, unless they're just a party time friend. If I'm down and out I'm just a fucking drag or I slept on making a move I needed to and it frustrates them or bores them. These aren't ethical issues that I need to get a handle on, they're things individuals don't like. People just want me to bend to their will and desires more than they're willing to tolerate my acting of my of volition. And if I say hey, do something by yourself like an actualized human if you don't want my issues factoring in, I'm the asshole. Why do I even bother trying to moderate myself for others?
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self.bipolar
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Tired of these depression goggles. It's like I played devils advocate so much that I fell under his spell. How can anyone be in a lasting relationship without getting tired of each other? Do people just learn to settle? Settle for the person. Settle for a career. And train themselves to accept it and be happy?
Maybe when I'm not depressed that makes sense...but right now I don't think I could ever do that.
I live half the year feeling great, wanting to move out, get in a relationship, open my own business, pursue my dreams.
Then depression rolls around and I can't get out of bed. The last thing I want to do is follow my dream because I make myself believe that it's not my dream. I honestly don't even know anymore.
How can I ever move out and live independently with this? My mom has to cook for me, make doctor appointments for me, and if it weren't for her, I'd probably quit my job. I'm 24. I should be supporting her, not the other way around.
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self.depression
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My rant I have been depressed since i was 12 years old(16 currently) but it has varied on how intense my depression was. Right now i have low self esteem and social anxiety but i'm not hardcore depressed like i used to be. I can joke around, talk to girls and speak in front of the class, but it's random. One day i'll be the mos outgoing guy ever but the next week i'll be the quiet weird kid in the back. When these thoughts are crowding my head i always look up the same questions and discussions about depression/social anxiety. It's like i'm looking for the right answer to help me but none of them work. I hate motivational speeches and tips from people online. It's always the same; get fit, talk to yourself, go outside, record your thoughts etc... dumb stuff like that. that way of thinking is too simple, depression can not be cured with those generic tips used by every normal person. I'm also too self-aware, i hate alot of people including myself, toxic thoughts intrude the back of my head 24/7 even though i ignore them because i know i'm decent human being.
I am lowkey racist to everyone including my own(blacks), i identify with cowards, villains, socially awkward nerds, and bad people in general. I act like i'm the most progressive sjw guy in public, but it's really an act to protect my image. I just want to come out and release all my toxic thoughts, and tell all the people i hate to fuck off and die. I feel bad for killers, rapist, terrorist and idiots because i sympathize with their struggles. I could never admit that to people even on the internet without being crucified by everyone. I like to research these terrible humans(see i'm acting like a good guy right now) and understand how they turned out this way. Normal(normies lol) humans don't think like this; normal people hate their guts and want them to suffer for eternity... I do believe they should be punished but i also wish for them to get helped and re-assimilated into society. See, these types of thoughts hunt my mind. Sometimes i feel enlightened or too self aware for my own good but really i'm just an average guy with above average grades. I'm not the brightest(you can tell by my grammar) but i like to think i'm intelligent. I know i'm better than most people in my grade, i hate losing to people i know i'm better than. League of legends is my biggest example; I have been silver for three years, never truly improving even though i KNOW i have gotten smarter & better at the game. However i'm still not god enough to carry myself out of low elo.
Inb4 the motivational tips and quotes, just don't... I hate them all because they never help me! I've seen some really good motivational tips from the internet, school, family etc... They're all useless to me. I know i must be willing to improve myself in order to take in these tips but i just can't! I want to improve, i really do but i feel like i'm not strong enough to function in society. My self worth is non existence because they're are tons of very intelligent people in the world while i'm just your average guy with no self-esteem. I envy my peers; watching them get awards and scholarships for their success while i'm part of the dumbass club. Most of my friends are smart people but they can also be real ass holes to me like everybody i talk to. The reason they're assholes to me is because i'm a shitty guy; they clearly enjoy talking to me sometimes but usually i get ignored when they find someone better to talk to. I've never had close friends, never had a girlfriend and never been truly cared for other than my family. Don't even think of telling me to make new friends and get interesting hobbies lol! That's one of those shitty generic tips i hear all of the time. It's not easy finding a new hobby and i can't make true friends without changing myself from the core up. Actually i have made some new friends who i enjoy talking too but i don't like talking to them for too long cause i'm an introvert. Also i rather talk to my other friends but it hurts being clearly unwanted when they're talking to each other while ignoring me.
I can't stand being around a group of people having a good time while i'm sitting near them. It makes me realize how shitty my life is, but i can't just drown in my depression. I guess you could say the countless motivation i've gotten and seen others get have peer pressured me into not killing myself... I am scared of letting down my family because they've put so much trust & love into me. so i refuse to go back to the old 12 year old me that couldn't even speak to my family. However i do contemplate killing myself everytime these toxic thoughts intrude my mind again. I can't stand seeing happy people especially on reddit... I'm a very cynical person and i love criticizing everything regardless of how much i like it. When i see toxic people get flammed because of their stupidity i feel bad for them. When i see someone with an onion outside of the hivemind get downvoted, i upvote them. When i see people insulting shitty humans and calling them monsters, roasting them alive i want to downvote them all; hell sometimes i even cry for bad people depending on their childhood. I have no political stance and i don't care what happens to most people except myself, my family and sometimes my race(blacks). I feel like a disappointment because black people are some of the most progressive, outspoken and consist of the most normies out of any race imo. When blacks look at me, they fear me because i'm a socially awkward weirdo or they might think of me as a coon(my worst fear) if i speak up for other races. Like my family and black people in general are very seclusive, we stick up for ourselves, distrusting other races and insulting them the most. I stick up for black power and all the progressive yatta yatta but also feel like we have a since of elitism that i dislike.
I want to understand every human being regardless of how terrible they are, especially the bad ones. I think serial killers are interesting even though they're still evil people. I think supervillains are badass. I like seeing violence and destruction even though i shouldn't feel this way. I like watching people die and i love fights. I don't care if the bad side wins nor the good side. As long as i'm entertained and safe i'm happy; see these things are my true self but i can never talk to people about them without being hated. Yes i admire all the strong good people in the world but i just can't identify with the & it harms my soul. I love good writing: action, fantasy, drama, crime, suspense etc... Especially in anime but alot of anime have a clear cast of good guys while the villains are written to be atrocious monsters with no sense of humanity. I hate that! I like to know why the "villain" is like the way they are, usually their stories are more interesting than the heroes. However life doesn't work that way. The majority of human beings are good people while shitty people rot in the dark corners of society. No normal people want to hear our outcries because our ways of thinking are harmful to society. I love to debate controversial topics and listen to intelligent people's arguments without being dismissed as a terrible human being. I really am not this shitty and i do love humanity but i just can't identify with all the, happy, sunshine and rainbows humanity thrives to be. I like conflict but i'm also a coward. I don't want humanity to suffer because i want to be safe. However i like seeing conflict arouse in the streets. I hate using the term "sjw" but i feel like that term really does make sense. People are praised way too much & regarded as saints without realizing their flaws. Not everybody can turn out to be a social activist or a leader of a community. Some people are shunned from society because of our introversion, social awkwardness and controversial thinking. I like good people, but i don't praise good people. I enjoy watching these people progress while their flaws reveal to the public at the same time. That's why i hate celebrities! Too many celebs are perceived having perfect lives and they are valued more than the average man. If i died nobody would care except my family. I'm just a speck in the universe, not even known by the 1%... While some really stupid people such as the catch me outside girl become rich and famous... But i realize i'm drowning too much int he darkness, i need to start thinking positive and helping myself. It's all a coping mechanism in the end. I'm constantly debating my inner thoughts, changing my mind by everything 24/7.
I know i'm wrong in a lot of aspects but i'm also different, i thrive to be unique but that's a wishful dream. I'm positive tons of other people are just like me: confused, heartbroken, introverted, too self-aware, jealous, hateful but smart at the same time. I'm always thinking about life, i'm always thinking twice about what someone said 7 hours earlier. I'm always examine body gestures and coming up with deep thoughts about people. I feel like the majority of people care about themselves and don't think twice about others they don't care about. However i care about EVERYBODY! I may be selfish but i truly care about people's mental state. I love the psychology of the human mind. I love realizing what somebody truly meant when they gave a vague answer to a friend confused about their response. In the end none of this matters. My inability to change into a better human being hinders my thoughts being worthy of listening to. I'm always against the hivemind. While the majority agrees on a result that everyone should agree on. I like to think outside of the box. However alot of things i think of would not be liked by the masses. I don't really believe in the toxic thoughts in my head, i just want to converse with others. I like changing the way i think and i like having my thoughts proven wrong but most people would rather shun me and talk to normal people.
Sometimes i feel too intelligent for my own good but the sad truth is i'm not even that smart. Alot of my peers have better grades and an abundance of achievements. Wouldn't you think these people are more worth listening to than me? Intelligent people rule the world but intelligence is judged to much on a scale. You can't be a dreamer with low self confidence and a lack of drive to work hard. Intelligent people are hard workers, A students and confident in themselves. I'm the opposite; lazy, decent grades and low-self esteem. However i still o believe i'm underestimated. Their tons of people in this world that just don't fit into society but are truly worth listening to.If you don't follow the masses than you're a nobody. I don't want to be a leader nor a follower. I simply want to observe humanity, debate with others and enjoy life. My dream is too get an ok job that pays well so i can play video games, watch anime and browse the internet all day. Unfortunately life is not that easy. Adults always tell us how hard life is and i agree. Becoming an adult is scary, 2 years from now i will be 18. I don't want to get all these responsibilities thrown on me. Hell i rather not work, life off welfare & stay with my parents but that's called being worthless to society. I want to do something that revolves around talking about the world. i enjoy the a concept of journalism and media but i'm afraid that journalism may be dying. The hard part is connections & work... Careers revolve around connections. If you don't know anybody then you can't become anybody. If you don't put in the time to work hard you won't be acknowledged by others.
Society kills me, i want to work but i don't want to work hard. I con't want to become a loser working a fast food chain or some store for the rest of my life. I just want to get a real job that allows me to enjoy my simple hobbies. It's unfortunate that my interested career is a very competitive one that rewards the hard working the smartest. I might as well give up on it but i know i'm setting my self for failure. I'm a lost cause. I don't know what i want to focus on, i enjoy alot of things but i don't want to work hard to achieve a certain one. I know i need ot build skills with different things so i cna be successful but why do we need to work so ahrd to own an apartment, pay bills, watch anime & play games. Don't tell me i'm lazy(i know) and don't try giving motivational tips & advice. I detest them. I can not follow up on your advice so it's better not giving it to me. I just need someone to talk to. If only i could escape from this world intro one of those generic anime shows. However that's cowardly; i can't just run away from my problems, they must be fixed by me, myself, & I. I wish i had the motivation to do that but motivation does't work for me. Ironically intimidation and discipline sort of works but eventually i turn against it. I'm not easily intimated because i know most tough people(military people for example) are just bluffing. If they use violence than they're no better than me. I am a coward. If i see injustice i look the other way. I don't believe in stereotypes but alot of them are lowkey true.
I respect women and i act progressive. Secretly in my head i'm scared of change. I hate how progressive we have to be. I like diversity but it sucks when your favorite chracter has been changed into a minority/women when they could've written a well developed character instead. I feel like people attack our safe spaces such as 4chan, criticizing our toxic thoughts(i don't identify with most of them) wanting us to change. How can we change if ya'll ridicule us without trying to help us? Yes alot of toxic people are straight up racist and dumb but their are some of that want to change. We just can't if people shun us, dismissing us with all the other losers. At the end of the day, i'm wrong.
Women, minorities, and my people has been shunned by the white men(hope i don't offended any white people) for too long, now were fighting back. My inclusion with nerdy communities has given me some of these toxic thoughts. I almost seem coonish but i'm just scared how far we are gonna change my hobbies with minorities/women. Everything I've just said in this little essay all are from the roots of my introversion as a little boy. I wish i was never obsessed with gaming/anime and my parents would've made me go outside lol. I know i can change if i really wanted to but pls don't preach to me with motivational shit. I said a million times it just doesn't work. If you made it this far... CONGRATULATIONS & thank you for reading!
I don't know where i'm going with this rant, i started this essay out as a cry for help, but i needed to release all my thoughts. I guess i just want people to read this, and if you do, thx for reading through all my grammatical mistakes. I just need to vent my frustrations out into the world without being attacked.
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self.depression
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The alternatives to rotting away in an apartment by yourself [deleted]
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self.depression
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DEPAKINE review anyone ? Been deacribed by the doc , 600 mg a day
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self.bipolar
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Thinking of maybe seeing a psychologist in 2018... Hey guys,
I'm a 22 year old guy from The Netherlands. I struggle with my own thoughts, I feel like I alone am depressing myself. And that's why I think I maybe should go talk to someone.
When there's school and work, when I'm busy and I see people, I'm doing ok / much better than right now. But when I am on my own... I start thinking that I have 0 friends, that I can't be a social guy, that nobody really wants to spend time with me and other self depressing thoughts.
All those things that I menitioned, I know almost like for a fact that they are false. I have some amazing friends, 1 really best friend. I've been doing this minor for 6 months in school and met amazing people ( knowing that this minor will end is sad though), we did quite a few road trips, sleepovers, parties and other things. I've even fallen in love and the girl like-likes me back, but for now it won't happen because of her faith.
Anyway, whenever the holidays come around, like the Christmas holidays right now, people go their own way of course, spend time with family and such. At the moment I have a house full of people ( twice my age though ), I don't feel connected to them at all. I feel nothing of the Christmas spirit. I feel bored as hell, 0 motivation for anything eventhough I have enough work to do.
It's always like when I'm alone, or don't really have social interactions for more than 2 days, then I start thinking and weird / bad thoughts come. It's like I always need to have people around me. Because that seems like the only thing I want or need, or the only thing that could help me out of this bad mood. But I can't really reach out to someone, is how it feels. Everyone is celebrating Christmas, and I / my family doesn't really do that, so I can't bother others, right? I should not have this depressing feeling whenever I'm alone. Someone once told me that I'm just not happy with myself, I think I agree, but I find it weird, don't really understand it / myself yet. I've got a lot of things going for me, but I'm still so unhappy...
Maybe I'm just always overthinking stuff, maybe I want too much, maybe I'm exaggerating, maybe the love thing with the girl hits me harder than I know, maybe I don't like my family all that much, maybe I'm bad at being on my own, maybe I don't appreciate all the good things. Most of the time I think I am depressed / sad is because it is not uncommon for me that a week goes by without me having anything socially planned. Eventhough last week was pretty packed and good, but this week isn't, so I immediately feel bad and start thinking about myself.
This feels like a long story / documentation of my feelings / problems. Thank you if you have read it all. I think I will call my doctor so that she can put me in touch with a psychologist.
The difficult thing with my problem is that it comes and goes. When it is gone, I almost can't recall these feelings, then it's harder to talk about them, so it's good that I wrote it down here.
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self.depression
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Head Injuries & Their Effect on Bipolar Disorder? [Advice] Hey everyone, so I hit my head on Tuesday night on a curb. I was drunk [an attempt to not feel overwhelmed by depressed/lonely feelings] and in heels while it was icy out. When my head hit the curb, I lost consciousness for a lil bit and my friend [equally as drunk] got me home. I've been to my campus' health center's doctor twice since then and she confirmed that I have a pretty intense concussion, a cracked rib, a possible skull fracture, as well as bruises/cuts all over my body and face. Unfortunately, they don't do x-rays at my school's health center and I can't afford to go to an actual doctor (no in state insurance/enough funds to pay for urgent care atm) so I can't confirm the skull fracture (but there isn't really an actual treatment for the condition so I'm not too worried about that). What I am worried about is, that in addition to the physical symptoms I'm experiencing (balancing problems, concentrating, extreme headaches, fuzzy vision, ringing in the ears, chest pain, soreness), my bipolar symptoms [Bipolar 1; Rapid cycling] are being messed with as well. I was feeling pretty stable for the most part but since my fall, I've been more irritable, been having more mood swings, have been more emotional in general, and have been feeling even more delusional than usual. I, also, can no longer do my ECT treatments because of my head injury until my doctor confirms that I'm okay. I just wanted to ask if anyone has ever had experience with head injuries and how it affected their disorder/their symptoms. Also, I would also like to ask for some advice on what to do in this situation [aka how to alleviate the symptoms even a little bit; if there are things I should avoid; if there are things that would help the pain w/o increasing severity of other symptoms; etc.]. Thank you.
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self.bipolar
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I don't let friends visit me at home because I live in a jungle I'm 17M, and I haven't had any friends over in three years after one of them made a comment about how my house is a jungle.
My mom, my 23 year old sister, her boyfriend, and their 4 year old son are the other residents, and none of them even pick up after themselves when it's something simple like taking a plate back to the kitchen.
My mom works at home and spends all day snacking, and she just leaves her wrappers and half eaten dishes all over the place. When she spills, she can't bend down to pick it up, so she gets the dog to eat it.
Almost every surface in the home is covered in clothes and random shit. Ironically, my nephew is the cleanest of those four people as he has to pick up his toys after he is done with them every time.
And let's not get started with the kitchen. It smells of rotten food, and the refrigerator is full of moldy leftovers mixed in with fresh food. There's always shit all over the counters attracting flies.
While my mom was on vacation, I scrubbed the place down and threw out the nasty shit. She didn't even notice. I talked to her and she got super offended and told me to move out. She says since I'm the only kid in the house, I'm responsible for all the chores and whatnot. If she doesn't have time to clean up her own messes, I don't have time to do it either.
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self.offmychest
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When is it going to be enough? I am a 26 year old woman who has been suffering will depression for 3 years (officially), but it’s probably more like 10 years. I am lucky in the sense that I have managed to maintain some kind of relationship with a man for 3 years, have a few close friends (none of which know the other part of me, so not that close) and sustain my educational and personal development (for the most part).
I have been inherently insecure since I can remember. I also developed an eating disorder soon after a relatives suicide, which was 11 years ago.
I have managed to trick nearly everyone around me that I’m actually fine and managed to recover and retain my mental health. Of course I haven’t. Seemingly I’m in the worst place I have ever been - eating disorder is still going strong, depression is definitely still there and last night, for the first time I self harmed.
I just don’t know what to do. I feel numb. Part of me is mortified that it has come to this. Anther part of me thinks that the damage is done.
If anyone has been where I am, is there hope? I need hope. Thank you.
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self.depression
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I'm so tired. This year is killing me.
I'm currently in hospital with a severe infection caused by my eczema, the fucking disease killing me that everyone except a select few dismiss as just an itchy rash.
That's not the problem. The problem is now I have time to think. My brother killed himself a few months ago and I've basically shoved it to the back of mind to concentrate on getting better (these flare-ups have been ongoing for pretty much the last 2 years in a near unbroken cycle of pain and infection). But now he's everywhere. I don't know why he did. I don't know how he felt. I didn't see the note. My family have lied to me again and again regarding it (I was close to him but not the others, fun). I miss him so much I can't breathe. I don't know how to carry on anymore. How can anything be okay? I can't see a morning when I wake up at peace. I can't see a future where thinking of him doesn't shatter my heart again. I want back. I want one of his special big-little brother hugs and to have a COD marathon or play through a massive RPG together. I wanna call him today and tease him about the football (he's a red, I'm a toffee). I can't do any of it. I just have to sit here with this stupid IV meaning i can't even leave the damn ward.
I miss you. Why didn't you call me? It was supposed to be me and you against the world. The only happy memories I have as a kid are with you. The only reason I'M alive is you...but you left me.
You didn't even say goodbye, and now I never can.
I don't know what else to say. It's just pain.
Thanks for listening and my apologies for my bad grammar.
Peace x
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self.offmychest
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Wrote a quick little poem a few months back... [deleted]
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self.depression
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I need some advice on attachment. What do you do when someone you're getting close to doesn't want anything serious, but you get attached easily/strongly? Do you keep spending time with them and hope it doesn't fuck you up emotionally, or just cut it off?
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self.depression
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How do you break out of a depressive cycle and get back to life? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I’m starting to get scared First, I feel like I’ve been posting a lot so I apologize. Basically since before thanksgiving, I started a hypomanic episode. I’ve only been diagnosed for about a year and have only had one hypomanic episode while under the supervision of a pdoc until now. It started fairly euphoric and I’ve been fine. However, last week, I started getting horrific anxiety with panic attacks throughout the day. I had to see my pdoc immediately because he wanted me to come in if symptoms got worse. He upped my Klonopin in hopes of stopping my anxiety and stopping my hypomania from getting worse. I’m supposed to see him again Tuesday. Here’s the part that’s got me freaked out. I’m starting to get more irritable too which, with the heightened anxiety, led me to a mixed episode or dysphoric hypomania last time. I’m not sure which state I was in since this happened in the month between seeing my pdoc. As of yesterday, I’ve started seeing things. I thought someone broke into my car and was sitting in it yesterday while I was shopping. Then later I thought there was a shadowy thing holding my phone or wrapped around my phone while it was on the couch. Idk how to explain it. Today, I was in the self checkout line and when I reach for my item, I saw another shadow figure in my cart which led me to freak out and drop a jar. I have no idea what’s happening. I don’t know if it’s the increased dose of Klonopin or if I’m getting worse again. My irritability has been getting slightly worse and when I was delayed taking Klonopin I had another anxiety attack so I know I may be worse but I’m just so lost and confused and scared. If anyone has insight, I’d greatly appreciate it. I’m bp2 btw.
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self.bipolar
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Why won't I take help. My Dad mentioned if I wanted Medication. I can't give him an answer back...
why the fuck can't I just get help.
I can't help myself.
And for some fucking reason I can't accept help from other people.
what the fuck is wrong with me...
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self.SuicideWatch
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I think it might be time I leave. This past year has been amazing in terms of working on my mental illness. The past month or so (Holidays are the worst for me since I don't talk to my family.) I've been really going up and down. I have bipolar disorder, PTSD and anxiety in addition to my depression. The other voice in my head is back. It keeps telling me horrible things.. I logically understand that this is just a downtime for me and that it'll pass eventually, even if it takes weeks; but I feel like I'm so tired. I'm tired of fighting with myself. I hate this world we live in, my two best friends are only great for shallow socializing. They don't understand my diseases and I just isolate myself for weeks at a time because I have no one to turn too. My roommate is fantastic, he's always been there for me but I can see how much it wears him down. I'm tired of being a burden.
I've always pushed people away and I really just want to disappear. I don't want to exist anymore. I'm just so so so so so exhausted of fighting my illnesses. I'm tired of constantly fighting an uphill battle. I think it might be time for me to leave this world, if not now then soon.
I think what really, really makes me angry is that I know I'm acting irrationally, it's like the real me is forever trapped inside a glass, sound-proof box screaming that it'll be okay and watching myself lash out in anger. I'm watching myself isolate myself from the people I care about and I can't do anything about it. It's like watching my own demise, like watching myself drive off a cliff.
Happy New Year I guess....
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self.depression
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Anyone else: Ride it Out? Real or Imagined? (Mild psychotic symptoms) So I've been diagnosed with psychotic features during manias, and while I don't doubt those were real, what is currently going on is shadier.
Over the past couple of weeks I have been experiencing what I think are mild auditory distortions or hallucinations, mild visual distortions, and a couple of isolated instances of noteworthy things like a conversation taking place inside my head between two strangers (but no sensation of ears picking up on it or directionality), and demonic presences (this isn't something I see or hear, but rather feel, although I can sometimes visualize them). In all situations I know what is real and what isn't, but I still react viscerally against my will. I can't tell if I'm making this shit up or actually experiencing it (maybe I'm just trying to get attention?)
Now I told a (not my usual) psychiatrist about this and he basically said it was due to stress (I am under a LOT of stress right now), and that I was "already on all the classes of medication we typically use for these things" (600mg Seroquel, lithium, lamotrigine, and lorazepam. I've been on 800 of the Seroquel and my body was like nope). I was advised to focus on managing the anxiety (either with a low dose of supplementary Seroquel or with more lorazepam, depending on situation). It was also implied that even though I keep having awful episodes the meds might actually be helping and things could be even worse without them.
I'm scared this means I just have to ride out episode after episode until my body gets old enough and I start having more depressive episodes and slow down on the mania. I'm switching to a new psychiatrist next month and am afraid of being told similar things.
Do any of you have residual psychotic symptoms outside of episodes? Is this something that can just be ignored if it isn't impacting life in a major way, outside of producing anxiety? What do you do if the meds aren't working?
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self.bipolar
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Anxiety at university club I just feel like I never fit it even when I’m with all of my friends. I feel like I can never lose that feeling that people are watching me no matter how drunk I am. I feel like I can talk to anyone I want to but when it comes to just enjoying myself I find it impossible and just leave. I hate it.
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self.Anxiety
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I want to kill myself (disclaimer) But I never will, I’m too scared because I think I’d mess up, just like how I mess up everything else in life. I’m so pathetic, the only thing that keeps me going is that I’m too comfortable where I am, so if I were to give up I’d be someplace shittier.
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self.depression
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A good thing happened to me but I still feel like dying I try to convince myself that I should be happy that good things happen to me and that I have good things people don't have (clean water, food etc) but i still feel like dying and don't see the point of living. I really don't wanna be old and like, what's the difference if i die now or later anyway?
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self.depression
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The only time I ever enjoyed life was when I was playing a videogame They say you have to chase the feeling of happiness you used to experience in your past. That you have to find that again.
That ain't gonna help me none. All I ever cared about was playing videogames and maybe playing recreational sports. I didn't care about being charitable, or animals, or reading, or having discussions, or getting to know people, or forming relationships, or taking care of myself, or learning new things, etc. nothing I ever really cared about in my life has ever been something that could help me succeed in the future. This is why I fail. Fuck me.
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self.depression
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I feel like I’m not good enough for love. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Lost my entire support network of "friends" wishing to better my life within the last year. I should really kill myself. When society is the standard, nobody will tolerate someone that can't live up to it. Why do I even exist if my limits caused by my depression, anxiety, and Asperger's combine to make it seem like I'm stubborn when in fact I have terrible habits nobody wishes to understand cause a "normal person" would never do this except on purpose.
I bought contact cleaner to clean my PC. It's highly flammable and poisonous. I could ingest it, spray my clothes in it and light it on fire, or simply jump from my balcony to kill myself. This year of losing everything is too much. I just want to end it all.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I got no idea whats going to happen to me , my future. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I’m worried about where my life and mind is going... First post here, I have a light depression that i’m feeling is only getting worse. Nobody reaches out to me unless i talk to them first, except for my mother i wonder how long it would take for anyone to notice if i disappeared. Almost 18 with no talents, ambitions or passions. I’m never satisfied with anything i do or accomplish. There are very few things that make me happy anymore. The worst thing might be that i hate myself for feeling this way, i know that there are people having it way worse than I and manages to keep their head up high. I’m honestly just a whining teenager with a roof over my head, a full stomach in a calm country so what right do I actually have to complain like this?
Weed helps me to see life in a positive manner and alcohol makes me briefly forget my problems and responsibilities in a way. I’m really trying to get myself motivated and somewhat happy again but it’s hard, i take random walks by myself hoping I will stumble upon anything or anyone able to turn my life around and yes I know it’s desperate but idk...
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self.depression
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Cant keep this to myself any longer I was in a relationship with a guy from work. He got moved to a different job site and cheated on me with a new colleague so I broke up with him. It's less than 3 months since we split and I got moved on to the same job. They are now in a relationship and I have to catch the work bus evey day with her and she has no idea I am his ex. He told her he was single and never got involved with any one from work. Don't want extra drama so I sit and suffer in silence as she tells every one what a great partner he is.
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self.offmychest
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Classic mistake - I fell for my roommate This is gonna be a long one folks, hopefully it'll at least help me clear my head.
Backstory - I (26F) moved in with two guys (27M) two years ago, and up until last year it was perfect. We all got along great, hung out together, smoked weed together. We had and still have so many inside jokes or fun ways we behave with each, sometimes it's like we live in one big meme. There have been maybe three fights in this household, because we're all mature adults who at least try to calmly talk about an issue if it's bothering us. Over time, I started looking at one roommate, let's call him John, a bit different. It was so hard for me to accept that I was even into him. The reason I was ok with moving in with two straight guys was because I was sure they weren't my type, and that's also the reason they accepted me into the apartment (they were there first and have been friends since high school).
The one weird thing about the house tho, we never talked about sex or relationship stuff, and no one ever brought people home. Now to be honest the other roommate has some confidence issues to work on so I get why he's never liked talking about that stuff, and I think he just hasn't been able to find someone to have sex with. John on the other hand, is an amazing, confident, good looking human being. And he never brought girls home either, sometimes he would pop up in the morning, and I knew he'd had a date, but even then we wouldn't talk about it.
So I felt self conscious, and insecure about bringing people over too, especially since I like to have loud sex and my room is between Johns room, the kitchen and the living room.
Once I started looking at John differently there was also an element of, I don't want him to see me with another guy.
All this came to a climax when the 3 of us took mdma together at a festival. All three of us became this adorable group, we walked around holding hands, cuddled, danced together, it was a crazy amazing experience. The problem was that my love for John immediately came out once I got high, I gave him way more attention, made sure to always hold hands with him, and me and him just sat together with my head in his lap, both of us feeling each other up, him looking at me with all then I've in the world. And we're both thinking about the fact that we know we're crossing a dangerous line. We couldn't talk about it because we were still sitting with the third roommate. When the third roommate left for the bathroom, he immediately looked at me and said "This is a bad idea". I said it might work better when he moves out ( he had already told us that he intends to move out because he was lacking space, both my and his rooms are every small). And then the third roommate came back.
For the next two days we couldn't get time alone, we knew we needed to talk, and he kept just hugging me, giving me these amazing long and loving hugs.
Once we get home, one night we were both really high and really tired, but I couldnt wait anymore, and I made him talk about it. I was so torn up inside that I just started crying, and I grabbed his hand, and he pulled it away.
In that second my heart broke. He said that he doesn't feel that way about me, that it was just the drugs. I told him it wasn't just the drugs for me, and ended the conversation quickly so I could go cry myself to sleep. I was humiliated, putting myself in vulnerable positions is extremely hard for me, and that was the most vulnerable I've ever been. I couldn't stop crying for two days, all the while living with the guy who broke my heart. I couldn't handle it and ran off to visit a friend who lives an hour away.
When I got there I got a text from him that he wants to talk. Ok. Another few days go by with no moment alone together, and I'm about to go on a 6 week trip abroad, so again one night super late we realize we need to talk right then.
He comes and sits next to me, tells me that seeing me this hurt made him feel really bad. When he realized I was going to visit a friend, he ran home from work to try to catch me before I left so we could talk. He said that it came out wrong the other night. That he really cares about me, and that even though there was a moment at the festival, he cares so much about me as a friend, as a roommate that to him it's not worth the risk. He went on to say these super nice things, that he is happier when I'm around, and how much he cares about me. By that time I had already come to terms with the fact that it isn't happening but I was glad that he made such an effort to be on good terms. And I decided that I'm gonna be ok, and get over him, and be friends with him.
To try to get over him I went on a tinder date the night I left, and ironically that was the one time my roommates all ran into us having a smoke downstairs, and that was how I said goodbye, me giving John a hug while my date is waiting behind me. Awkward.
I come back from my trip, kinda stressing about seeing John again. I get home earlier than I said I would since I got the time confused, and suddenly I walk in on a girl in the bathroom. He has a girlfriend!!!! Again I get awkward, but after a few days I tell him that I'm happy for him, that she seems sweet and that I'm sorry if I'd been acting a bit weird because of it. A few weeks later I start dating another guy, Mark, that I was on again off again with for the past 8 months or so, but it had always been casual up until that point. I started something serious with him, he had fallen hard for me, and I really did care about him, so I thought I would give it a shot.
John ends up breaking up with his girlfriend the day after I began the relationship with Mark. But dating Mark at least made it easier to be friends with John, it was an actual friendship now, and I was trying my best to make my relationship with Mark work. After a bunch of shit, Mark broke up with me, saying he's depressed and fucked up and can't handle a relationship and that we want to go back to being friends (he had already done this to me once at the beginning). I told him it doesn't work like that, that he's a coward for breaking it off without opening up about his shit first and I haven't seen him since.
Since then John decided to stay in the apartment, and we live together, and it's like everything has gone back to normal. But it's not. I'm still in love with him. I still find myself flirting with him, I cant help it. I finished d myself doing things for him like making pancakes he likes, and other small things. And he's done nice things for me too, which makes it even harder, because it makes me fall for him even more. When he looks at me I feel like he sees right through me. I told both roommates a few weeks ago about some personal shit I've been going through, I found out my mom is crazy and all my mommy issues flared up, along with the breakup and starting a stressful new job, all within two weeks of each other brought my depression back. I told them because either knew I had been acting weird and I wanted to give them context. Another adorable moment, John tells me they love me, and we have a group hug.
And now in on my way out of my depression, I've been going to therapy for a couple years so this time I'm handling it better.
But I still live him, and he's not moving out, and my heart breaks when I know he's going on a date, and I can't not know because I know his date getting ready routine already. It pisses me off to see him come back in the morning, especially when I haven't gotten laid since Mark because I'm over the one night stand thing.
So now I'm in the process of coming to terms with moving out, because I know that continuing to live here is masochistic. But it's so fucking scary, this house is my home, the first place I've ever felt at home, and these guys are my family. I care about them so much, and on the practical side it's pretty much the perfect place to live.
And now because of these stupid feelings I have to turn my life upside down. I kept waiting for John to move out, so I wouldn't have to, but it doesn't seem like it's happening. And the. The thought of telling them I'm leaving, I have to come up with a different reason, and that sucks too.
I don't know if I have the courage to make this move. I wish I didn't have the presence of mind to know it's the right thing. I wish I could allow myself to be weak, and give into my feelings and just flirt with him and live with him and behave like an idiot. But I can't.
I out my feeling out there already, I got a no, simple as that. Fuck me.
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self.offmychest
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One of the three positive things in my life just left. PM me if u wanna know more I guess...
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self.SuicideWatch
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What do you think of me? I’m fourteen years old. I’m an only child, living with my mother and father. My father is very easy-going towards me, but has anger issues when it comes to his job and his life. My mother is very supportive towards me playing soccer, (which I’ve been playing since I was five) and has paid an enormous amount of money trying to make sure I get the best exposure to the sport. Her persona consists of her getting irritated very easily and being quite stubborn towards me and my father. Still, she’s not like that all the time, she has a decent paying job, and cooks for us on occasion.
Anywho, here’s more about me. When I was younger, I used to cry over the smallest things. If someone said hi to me, I’d start to tear up. I was horrendously shy and sensitive. I didn’t break out of my shell until I was about 11, but making friends still wasn’t my strong suit. I had my little clique of 3-4 friends, and I still do. In elementary school, I was perfectly well-behaved to a point where all the teachers loved me. I always had good grades, and always made the honor roll. My parents were proud of me, sure enough. Although, in the late years of my elementary school career, I noticed something. I noticed that I didn’t have a phone. I didn’t think much of it, as what good would it do for me?
Fast forward to middle school. 7th grade was incredibly easy for me. Part of 8th grade was a lot more stressful due to my busier schedule (soccer n’ stuff). I hated school and life, I was completely burnt out. But what made 8th grade a bit more memorable for me was the fact that I’d finally gotten a phone. Sweet, I can finally text people and hang with friends. And that’s what I did. It was great for the remainder of 8th grade, and summer break was much more enjoyable. Usually, I’d stay in my house all day and do pretty much nothing. My dad always told me “Better to be bored than to have too much on your plate.” With my new phone, there were so many more possibilities now. Sleepovers, get togethers, etc. I wasn’t bored during summer break this time.
And now, here I am, a freshmen in high school. First couple weeks go by without problems. But I notice that I’m getting pretty lazy and am struggling to do homework. Procrastination is getting the best of me. First quarter report cards come out. I get one C+, the rest is fine. My mother ends up grounding me because of the C. Obviously, I’m mad. Second quarter begins. It takes a awhile, but mother ungrounds me. No hanging out with friends on weekdays, however. Only on weekends. I don’t mind that. The days continue, school is wearing me down mentally. I wake up everyday with morning depression, knowing that I have to go somewhere I don’t want to be. I often think to myself why school is accepted upon society. My grades are going down, and I’m failing one of my classes. My mother goes through her mood swings and snaps at me from time to time because of it.
But I’m not just dreading school. I’m also reevaluating my life, and how I’ve spent it. A while back, I had a convo with one of my friends. I brought up how I got my first phone at a much later age than the average kid. My friend tells me; “I feel bad for you, you missed so much.”
When I didn’t have a phone, all I really did was stay in my house. I was often bored, yes, but I found ways to keep me occupied.
I ask my friend when he got his first phone. He tells me he got it in towards the end of his fifth grade year. If you put the pieces together, I’ve missed 2+ years of not having a phone. Which means I’ve missed out on 2+ years of freedom. While my group of friends was roaming the streets, I was locked in my house. Every single day. This fact sticks in my head, I think about it pretty much everyday. Childhood, which is considered the best part of your life, should be enjoyed to the fullest. So do you think it’s unfair that two of my childhood years were spent in my house, twiddling my thumbs? The only time I’d get to go out was to help my dad with the yard, or go to soccer practice. If I had a phone, everything would’ve been different. I could’ve made so many memories with my friends, but I wasted it. And that’s something I can’t help regretting every night when I go to sleep.
And it’s not even that I’m a bad kid. Up until this year, I’ve been on the honor roll since the honor roll was a thing. I never act up in school. I’m on of the first freshman to ever make the varsity soccer team, not to mention I start every single game. I’ve put countless hours into the sport I love, so much to where I’ve cried and stressed until I’ve gotten it right. And you’re telling me a troublemaker child who gets C’s and D’s on their report card can get a phone in elementary school, but I, who has better grades and works so hard, putting so much effort into sports and school, can’t?
Lately, my schedule consists of me waking up, going to school, going home, and going to sleep. I’ve lost a lot of motivation for school, and soccer season, where a lot of my enjoyment in life comes from, is over. I just feel trapped. And it hurts to think that I’ve still got four more years of HS. I’m lucky if I even get to hang out with friends these days, my mother just won’t budge.
So what do you guys think? Am I emotionally weak to whine about not having a phone in elementary school? I understand that people have much worse lives than I do. But I’m overall unhappy with that way my life is going. If you have any tips, opinions, or feedback, please help a confused adolescent out.
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self.depression
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Put on 5 kilos in 3 weeks after moving to a new location for a job Fuck i hate how much this shit affects me. Moved to a new location for a job and very quickly, depressive episode that I can't get myself out of, although it's very minor. Can't bring myself to exercise, and I'm craving junk food so bad... urgh... I need to fix this, but I don't know how. Barely treading water in my new role, despite my fantastic training. I just don't have the motivation to give a shit and get organised.
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self.bipolar
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Tired and depressed about working in customer support A bit of an explanation. I work at customer support at a software company. Today I had something which could have been a minor incident. Yet it caused me to break down at home.
The situation was that the customer did something in a game of my company. He wanted the mistake reversed and insisted that he would never, ever have done it. I tried to tell him that a misclick happens. That it might be inconvient for a while but nothing worked. He insisted that would never have taken this step I should just believe him. Tried to explain that working in support is not about belief, but there are certain things I can do and I others I can not. For example I can not assist in avoiding consequences put in by gameplay systems.
Result was that he terminated the contact. Afterwards he contacted the support again, with the explicit complaint about me. That I am an asshole and don't know my job. I think it resulted in a 2 hour long rant about me being a dick...
I might have shrugged it off, but for some reason my co-workers apologizing for me made it only worse. Everything is measured in the company with semi-religous favor, which might lead to coachings about being empathetic, why happy customers are extremely important. How the scoring system is not unfair to the employees because everyone is being subjected to the same scoring system.
I felt so tired and so depressed just thinking about it. It all came back after the chat, every talk I had with supervisors about it. I guess the supervisors know as well that our goals are not grounded in reality. But they come from upper management and those are in an entirely different plane of reality. The goals I am supposed to meet feel so arbitrary. I don't feel pride anymore about what I am doing. Even shame for working only in customer support. From day to day I get my share of angry persons yelling at me. If there is a force of Karma in the universe than people should better avoid me like the plague. Because when my Karma hits it will be a ground zero around me.
Sorry for the long rant.
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self.depression
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Does anybody else feel the beginnings of a panic attack when studying/doing university work in general? Never used to be like this, usually, I only panic when I procrastinate, but now when I sit down and feel the whole brunt and burden of what I have to complete in one-month absolutely paralyzes me. Usually, within an hour of work, I need to take a step back and tell myself to calm the fuck down before I can find the strength to proceed.
Weirdly enough, the more comfortable I get with working, the calmer and more validated in myself I become. But that first hour is absolute hell.
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self.Anxiety
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All I want for Christmas is a woman to go to lunch with. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I say "I wanna fucking die" to myself out loud at least 10 times a day. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on the 12th but I don't know if I can make it that long
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self.SuicideWatch
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This past week-ish has felt so relatively mostly good that I'm terrified the next low I hit is going to be really really bad i've gotten an urge to cut a couple times this week but I was somehow able to resist it, and I've pretty much entirely been able to function this past week, and no suicidal thoughts/urges or anything, and I'm pretty happy about that
But at the same time, my depression always seems to come in waves (it's not bipolar though), and each time, it feels like it gets worse than the last. (i've been on medication for it for a little over a month but i'm not sure if it's having much of an effect.) so i'm kind of pretty fucking scared. I wish i could just live in the moment for today but i'm so focused on the future and how it might go wrong
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self.depression
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My best friend confessed to me My stomachs doing flips and not the happy kind. She's been my best friend for a good 4 years. However I have a girlfriend of 2 and a half years although the relationship has been tiring and well making me unhappy for a while now.
I feel sick for even making all these comparisons in my head. My girlfriend is often emotionally unavailable, sometimes even physically unavailable except when she wants to be. My best friend has been my shoulder to lean on, listener, supporter and otherwise. She's even been very courteous of my relationship and of me, as often times if I had to bail to rush to my girlfriends side for something she'd be very understanding.
I've put in a lot of effort into my relationship to improve the situation despite nothing changing too much. I figure after it being the way it has been for a year roughly(about the time we've been living together), nothing will change, but I don't want to end things like this. I also feel like there's a lot of compatibility between me and my best friend but now isn't the best time. I don't want to lose her friendship at the least though either. I feel dirty, disgusting and like a cheat. Any moment now I'm going to hurl and just collapse into a bunch of panic attacks. I know I'm a slow person decision making wise but I can't handle being forced into these types of situations.
Edit: Bad grammar, I'm tired, losing my head and all around messed up. Sorry.
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self.offmychest
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I am so ready for valentines day to be over What a fucking exhausting holiday, just being reminded constantly that you're not special and youre just a regular piece of shit subhuman
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’m used to coping alone, but now I’m married. How do I let my husband in to help with my depression and anxiety? He says I constantly push him away. I’ve been alone for so many years that it’s my default to deal with everything on my own. I do tend to isolate myself when I have an episode, and before I got married that didn’t seem to hurt anyone but myself. But now it’s hurting the man I love. He says he wants to be on my team, but I won’t let him. I DO want him on my team, but that goes against years of habit. What can I do? What steps can I take, especially when my head isn’t clear and I’m in the fog of depression?
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self.depression
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I'm not meant for this place. I know guys are supposed to be strong but I'm very weak, I can't fight these thoughts anymore. Maybe my parents are right and I'm worthless for not already graduating uni and I've failed them. I medically withdrew from the semester because otherwise it's failures across the board. I've failed everyone. I am so weak and sensitive to things that shouldn't matter and I don't belong in this disgusting world that preys on people like me. I can't make it here. I'll always be taken advantage of and hurt and I'm tired of being in so much pain.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I just dont know what to do anymore I'm a 24 year old male who's short (165 cm) and underweight (40kg) and I've never been taken seriously by anyone because I look like I'm 13 even though I've always been the oldest from my family. I have problems getting along with people because they just see me as some kid and you can see the visible shock on their faces when I tell them my actual age, followed by jokes about how I look so young and how I look like a child so I've ended up retreating to the internet where I can socialize with people and talking to others without them having to see how I look all my life.
I've tried to make my situation better but I could never finish uni due to depression and anxiety problems. And it just makes me feel worse like there's something horribly wrong with me when I see all my younger family members finish theirs or be close to finishing theirs. It also doesnt help that the country I live in (Venezuela) gets worse and worse every single day with the constant shortages of everything and the struggle to put food in your mouth with how horrible our inflation is. I wish I could immigrate to another country and get a job doing anything at all somewhere else but no one would ever give a job to someone like me so I'm stuck in my personal living hell and I just dont know what to do anymore. I want to live and get over all this, I want to have friends, I want to get married and live a happy life but I cant see myself in 5 years and that just makes me even more depressed.
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self.depression
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TIL about the Libya slave trade I can't believe something so cruel came back just like that. People don't deserve this. People don't deserve to be raped, killed, or stripped of their rights just because they won't work. This needs to stop.
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self.depression
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I don’t have anything worth being around for in my life. All I do is go to school and go home. My friends barely remember me. Guys have never shown any interest me and never will. My life is just pointless. Even when I graduate, I’ll just live to pay bills and be alone and forgotten. My life is nothing. It was never anything other than some form of pain or misery and that’s all it’ll ever be.
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self.depression
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