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I got 98% on my paper! About a week ago I posted about how i feared the research paper i've been working on all semester is actually crap and a bunch of other insecurities.
Well, the paper came out to 25 pages including references and title page and I GOT 98%!! The professor said that this draft was good enough that with a couple tweaks it could be turned in as the final draft.
I'm just so happy. And proud of myself! I'm proud that i didn't let the negative and irrational thoughts i was experiencing actually hold me back and self sabotage myself.
This is the longest paper i've ever worked on, with a bunch of references and i did SO MUCH READING. 20+ references, the majority academic journals averaging around at least 15 pages. I feel like a real university student. For the first time in a really long time, i actually feel like i belong in school. That i'm not just fumbling around clueless. It's just an amazing feeling.
So yeah, TAKE THAT BIPOLAR DISORDER! YOU DON'T OWN ME!
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self.bipolar
|
I have everything i can have I have sadness in my heart, when did you ever feel happiness
I have doubts in my actions, when did you ever feel confident
I have fear in my thoughts, when did you ever feel safe
I have death in my wishes, when did you ever craved living
I have no one in my life....., alone in your heart in your actions in your thoughts and in death... Always
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self.depression
|
People w/out bipolar using 'hypomania' okay over the last year or so i've seen a lot, and i mean a lot, of people on tumblr and twitter talking about being manic or hypomanic but having BPD and not bipolar. now i know some people have both illnesses, but there are some people i've known for SURE have BPD and NOT bipolar who've used the term, and i mean use it as a symptom and not a descriptive. and it's making me so mad. like literally people saying 'omg i'm so manic rn!!' because they painted a picture or bought something online, others saying things like 'when you're hypomanic for an hour then have a depressive crash and want to die', etc.
it just really fucking gets to me because they have no idea how destructive mania can actually be (again i stress i am talking about people who have the one illness, BPD, not both, as i know having both would mean having hypomanic/manic episodes and don't wish to demean anyone who has both). like it's not some fun thing to tweet about when you're feeling super excited and hyped up from your much more rapid bpd mood swings, it destroys peoples' lives and can go on for a really long time. i just feel like it's being 'claimed' by people who don't really know what they're on about and it's driving me insane, if you'll excuse the phrasing. like, it's not yours to haphazardly tweet about then forget about a day later. i can't be the only person who gets angry about this? i feel very alone in this viewpoint.
edit: some of the comments are showcasing exactly what is so infuriating about this. they may share some similar symptoms and be about emotion but at the core they are two different illnesses and neither is 'worse' or more stigmatised than the other, they're both awful, they're DIFFERENT is my point. -___-
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self.bipolar
|
Thoughts I feel like a failure.
I feel like everyone else around me has enough brain power to figure out what the hell they’re at least trying to do while I’m still sitting over here struggling to breathe.
I’m a new 22 and don’t have much to my name but I have to be messing up something.
Is life really supposed to be this hard?
I feel selfish saying this because I do have people in my life who care. They tell me all the time to take a breather. That it’s ok to quit my job if it stresses me out to such an extent.
But I know we need the money.
I know they only say it’s ok because I’m hurting so badly right now. I know that if I were a stronger person they’d beg me to hang onto this job because we need the extra income. But they don’t because they know I’m struggling and it makes me feel like such a dud.
Life is not that hard. It can’t be-so many people live theirs. Why is this so fucking hard?
I have a sister whose been depressed for as long as I can remember. My mother constantly has to run over to her place in the middle of the morning to talk her down and always comes home so tired and so fucking sad.
I don’t want to add to that sadness. I’m supposed to be the easy going one. The one who may not have it all figured out but who still sticks it out.
Recently I’ve been having some pretty scary thoughts. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve been having terrible mood swings lately and wondering if people REALLY care about me irrationally. (Ie. some friends will send me photos of them out and having fun and I begin to wonder why they no longer care about me even though I am at work and they know I am so (of course) y would they invite me?.)
Everyday I wake up and want to quit my job, quit my relationships with others and just move far, far away. I don’t want to have to live my life anymore and I can’t figure out why.
I have a pretty great life- nothing to shake your head at but....I constantly feel like I’m lacking some vital part that everyone else has. Like Everyone else knows to pick left but I’m the lone stupid one picking right.
I don’t know what what to do.
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self.offmychest
|
Does anyone else self-sabotage? Quick backstory: I was diagnosed with depression over 10 years ago and have been on medication ever since. After being fired twice and therefore deciding to switch careers I feel predominantly anxiety. Like all the time. I have since been taking an additional medication for the anxiety (it was so bad I was feeling nauseous and not eating).
So ever since I started therapy and medication I have noticed a tendency to stop doing both for periods of time. I don’t do it because I don’t think I need these things, I just...stop. I was meditating for awhile recently and it was really helping and then I just...stopped. And I don’t know why. I wonder if part of me is afraid of getting better? I don’t know and am wondering if anyone else has a tendency to stop doing what they find helps? And if they have an idea as to why or how to stop sabotaging.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why do I have to stay alive? I stay alive because I'm afraid of hurting everyone's feelings even though they never gave a shit about mine. I'm tired of being an inconvenience. I'm tired.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
SOMETIMES IT'S HARD. There are times when you're feeling down.This happens to me pretty much all days.I have been struggling with depression(hate that word now) and sadness ; also with shyness and fear.I wish I could go back in time and make the right decision; I have made so many mistakes in life.I wonder... Why everything seem to be so hard? I feel like my life is passing trough my eyes and I can't do anything about it. I try to concentrate on positive things but it feels like I should be doing something else, that I should living experiences.. but unfortunately nothing happens.
It's just this sensation of tiredness and just boredom.. don't know what to do ...
I don't need negative comments so if you have something nice to comment about it do it .. but if you don't sorry but you can fu*k off of my platform. Thank you for reading
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self.depression
|
I havent been out of my room in 3 days. I've only been surviving on expired junk food, cheap alcohol and cheap weed. I havent brushed or taken a shower in weeks. I've started to cut myself again and I tried to stab myself with a glass bottle.
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self.depression
|
Is it time yet? The more good things that happen in my life the more it pushes me over the edge. I should be happy, I should be satisfied, but I'm not. I thought I was getting better but I feel like I'm going backwards now and getting closer to suicide again. Almost feel like editing my note I started 4 months ago and finishing it. If things are going good and I'm somehow getting worse I don't think I'll ever feel better. So yeah just felt like venting. Who knows what will happen.
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self.depression
|
The waitlist for a psychiatrist is 6 months in Canada and I'm considering suicide because of it [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
how can i get over the fear of taking mood Stabilizers? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Girlfriend with depression My girlfriend has depression and it messes with her all the time. I know that it is not my fault that she isn't happy but I feel like I could be doing something to comfort her at least. I too have went through depression, so I understand what she's going through. But my question is, what can I do to help/comfort her when she is going through this?
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self.depression
|
I feel like everyone else is actually living their live, whilst I‘m just suffering by trying to keep my head above the water.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone here deal with anger? How do you let go of anger at a person or situation? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I wanted to fail my exams so that I could blame it for my suicide So much had happened this year and I’m so tired of it. But if I killed myself, I was worried they would blame themselves.
But the last week before the exams, one of my friends actually invited me to study which gave me the desire to promote to the next year.
Today, the results were released. I passed but despite how hard working she was and being the best in one of our subjects, she ended up retaining and is wondering if she should retain another year or leave the school and study in a polytechnic.
I feel terrible. She worked so hard and I put in close to no effort. It’s just so unfair and I don’t deserve this.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm doing it! I am finally starting a non proffit It's finally getting going! I am starting a nonproffit...and both feel great and anxous! It's a play-nice and meet people kind of things ERMG I am so excited! ^_^
|
self.offmychest
|
Kolonopin vs Xanax (also Topamax) I've been taking xanax as needed since my late 20's (I'm 40 now). I am taking 10mg Lexapro and my pdoc suggested kolonopin since he doesnt prescribe xanax (my primary doc prescribes it to me). He said xanax is fast acting and doesn't work for long periods of time. He also suggested topamax in addition to the Lexapro.
What were your experiences on Kolonopin? I'm sick of the anxiety and I just can't get into the idea of meditation (as my psychologist suggested). My mind goes non stop and i just can't seem to relax and not worry. Hoping Kolonopin can help.
Thanks in advance!
|
self.Anxiety
|
What meds have caused unexpected weight gain? I am not sure what part of my various med cocktails cause weight gain.
What have your experiences been?
I don't trust drug company research stats. My own psychiatrist told me that he never makes official side effect reports except serious ones such as sjs as he is not legally obliged to. I believe weight gain is a serious side effect.
|
self.bipolar
|
Brain shutting down while trying to ignore thoughts I'm better now at ignoring my thoughts, but it also causes me to lose any sense of pleasure. Who else here has experienced this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Irrational Anger + Involuntary Movements? Has anyone just been relaxing one moment and then all of a sudden you want to punch a wall or kick something over?
Sometimes its so violent or sudden that my hand/foot jerks and it I have to physically restrain myself. In public I can cover it up with a sneeze or something, but its disconcerting.
There are also times when I'd be trying to draw then all of a sudden I just exit the application without saving or tear the paper in half, only to regret it .5 seconds later. Most of the time I'm usually either numb or kinda content but then suddenly my chest wells up and shit like this happens and I have no clue why.
And no, its not just like "oH sHiT mY hAnD iS pOsSeSeD" but legitimate anger courses through me and either dissipates immediately or clings to me for the rest of the day...
|
self.depression
|
I’ve never ran into this problem... I set a goal to make 100k+ before I hit 30 and I just did it at 27! Woohoo! The problem though: I have no idea what to do from here...
People have told me, “sometimes you have to just enjoy what you’ve built” but I’m not sure I know how to do that. Going after things that people say aren’t possible is who I am..
So now I’m thinking a LOT and just... idk... being a zombie almost going through my day thinking about what to do next...
*puts hand up to chin and just stares at the sky*
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self.offmychest
|
Been in bed the last 24 hours. Not sure if I can make it to work tomorrow. Been in bed all day since last night. Spent most of the time thinking about how to go about killing myself. Haven't gotten any of the laundry done, no clothes for the morning.
I made [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/7ovv1x/people_are_telling_me_to_see_a_doctor_for_meds) post on /r/depression a bit ago. But I'm not sure if I'll make it to my appointment on the second. Every day is harder and harder since my vacation. Not seeing much point in checking myself in, meds can't make me not work.
Unfortunately I haven't been able to buy a gun yet, and the best way I can think of available to me is a shoestring and a plastic bag.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Final attempt looking for advice [Linking my original post asking for advice.](https://redd.it/7m1k60)
I first tried /r/mentalhealth but only got a troll comment.
Tried /r/needadvice and I got banned for using a throwaway account to try to remain anonymous.
It's really disheartening that the only reactions I get for asking for help on how to stop wanting to die are a troll comment and nearly immediate ban. If this posting doesn't work I guess I'll just give up again.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
finally unfollowed, unfriended, and deleted... I finally unfollowed/unfriended my ex on all of our social medias and deleted his number. I feel relieved. I should have done it sooner. I still have pictures of us and screenshotted texts that I can't seem to delete because they make me smile, but maybe one day I'll be strong enough to delete them. So even though it's been non-contact for a while, there was always a part of me that hoped he would contact me eventually, so that's why I kept following his social medias. He hasn't, and he won't. I guess this is officially the end. We are never going to talk to each other again, and that needs to be okay. I need to move on.
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self.offmychest
|
After a great trip and being just another person, I went back to the same old person and I now have no motivation whatsoever. All in all, I think on paper I'm not doing too bad. I just graduated from college with a masters degree at the beginning of the year, and something I always wanted to do is to explore Europe on my own. A friend convinced me on doing that, so I grabbed my entire life savings and spent it all on the trip.
It. Was. Amazing! Two and a half months of being on my own, discovering new cities, making dozens of new friends... maybe it was _too_ good. It honestly happened way too fast, and before I knew it I was flying back home.
Luckily, before I went out on the trip, a recruiter found me and offered me a work interview. I thought, what was the worst that could happen? I could use the job interview practice for future job offers, and so I went. Long story short, I got the job at the end. I told them that I planned on going to this trip, and there was no way I wouldn't go, so I understood if they don't want to hire me at the end. Well, they said no problem! I could go on the trip, and when I got back, I would have the job!
So, here I am... immediately after the trip, I got to work. I guess it has its ups and downs, but lately I've been losing motivation like crazy, and it's been just 3 months after the trip. Today, I have been doing absolutely nothing for 3 hours and a half. I try to get something done (I work in sales), but in order to make a sale I feel like I have to make this gigantic effort that 90% of the time doesn't amount to nothing.
When I think about the trip now, it honestly feels like a dream, like it wasn't real. Almost like another me. I thought that it would change me, that it was the start of a new person. But in no time, it was back to the same routine.
The job itself pays great, and seeing how the market is, I got pretty lucky finding a good-paying job with a lot of freedom in that I don't have someone constantly pressuring me to do stuff. But I feel that won't last. I will have to present results soon, and I have nothing. And I would feel horrible quitting now, they have paid me a fortune for nothing, and I have just paid off the last of my debt of the trip, and have very little savings to go find another job.
I don't know what to do... am I in just a bad week? Month? Is this because I'm still relatively new at the job? Or maybe it's a sign that I just don't belong... but I can't just quit like that just starting a new job!
All I've thought about today is that it's such a beautiful day outside, and I'm stuck inside calling people I don't want to call offering things they don't want to buy.
|
self.offmychest
|
Dear Mom Hi everyone, using a throwaway for obvious reasons, but I wanted to share a letter that I plan on sending to my mom this week. I'm sharing it here with a bunch of strangers just to get this off my chest and get it out into the universe somehow without having my identity tied to it.
Mom,
I've been debating whether I should send this to you for a very long time, and I've decided that I need to send this to you - not for your sake, but for mine. Mom, it’s really difficult to love someone who refuses to take care of themselves. It’s hard to love you, but <brother> and I do because you are our mom. However, you are 64 years old and on the verge of death. You have diabetes, high blood pressure, and have suffered two strokes in the past year causing you to lose much of your independence. I know this past year has been hard on you; however, it has also been hard on me. I’ve tried to help you, but it’s difficult to help someone who won’t even help themselves. For years, I have had to watch you sabotage yourself over and over again. You have refused to follow the doctor's orders time and time again. You have refused to do physical therapy. You have refused to follow a diabetic diet. You have refused to quit smoking. You have refused to do anything to help yourself. You have refused to create a budget and be more financially responsible. And the sad part about all of this this is that it isn't anything new.
For most of my life, I have had to watch you slowly kill yourself, and, as a result, I have had to distance myself from you. You often tell me that I am cold and heartless, but the truth is that I have had to be that way to protect myself. It’s incredibly stressful knowing that you are sick and in need of better care, yet you won’t do a damn thing to help yourself. I don’t want you to have to live and depend on <caretaker>, but the only other option is for you to go into a nursing home. You NEED better care. You NEED professional help. The level of care that you need at this point is too much for any one single person.
However, you are NOT a victim. You CAN get a better life. But, in order for that to happen, you (and only you) have to do something to make that happen. The first step being going to the doctor and getting evaluated for nursing home care. However, in order to get this done, you have to actually attend the appointment and not just sleep through it. I know that you are afraid to go to a nursing home and that you won’t be able to afford a decent home. I wish I could pay for you to go to a good home, but I can’t. I wish that you could afford to go to a decent home by yourself, but you can’t. You can’t because you wasted away all of the money that dad and pawpaw left for both you and me. You have spent years being financially irresponsible and not planning for the future. You have spent years spending money without any sort of plan for the future, and now you have nothing. You spent it all and have nothing left to show for it. <Brother> and I have been trying for the last year to get you Medicaid, but you refuse to help us help you get it.
I know that you don’t want to live anymore. You’ve been telling me this since I was 12. But you can’t keep putting me in this situation. I am tired of worrying about you. I am tired of wondering when my mom is finally going to kill herself. I am tired of getting phone calls from either you or <caretaker> at 3 am after you’ve had an argument because you said something cruel to her for not doing the laundry exactly the way you want it done. I am tired of getting phone calls and FB messages from random people telling me that I need to be a better daughter and take care of you more. I am tired of having to be the parent. I know that life has been unkind to you. You had abusive parents and lost a husband far too soon. However, life has also been unkind to me. I lost a parent at 12 yo to cancer and had to watch him suffer and slowly die each and every day. Now, I’m barely 28; I’ve had to be my own parent; and I’ve had to watch you slowly kill yourself over the last 16 years. I never got a childhood. Most of the time I do not resent you, though. I know that you suffer from depression and panic attacks and that most of life is very overwhelming for you. However, I do resent you when you try to make me feel like I’ve been a ‘bad daughter’. No, I haven’t dropped everything in my life to come home and take care of you. No, I don’t call all that often anymore. No, I don’t come home for the holidays. But the reason I don’t do any of this is because it’s too painful for me. I have had to put up boundaries in order to protect myself from you and your self-sabotaging behavior.
You think that you are alone, but you’ve made yourself alone. You’ve pushed away all of your friends, your children, and your other family members. You’re passive aggressive comments, mean disposition, and victim mentality makes it difficult to love you.
I can’t keep watching you kill yourself. I can’t keep allowing myself to be negatively impacted by you. I can’t keep feeling guilty about not dropping my whole life to come home and take care of you when you’ve never taken one step to try and take care of yourself. I have things that I need to do. I have a husband; I am trying to finish this phd; and I am trying to create a family of my own.
I love you, mom. I just need you to love yourself too.
tl:dr - mom refuses to take care of herself. I can't sit around and watch her slowly kill herself anymore.
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self.offmychest
|
Does anyone know of any good creative minecraft lets plays? Maybe a weird topic for this subreddit, but let me explain.
I used to love minecraft and bananapielord when I was younger. When I was 21, I had a pretty bad bout of depression and severe anxiety. Honestly bananapielord's videos helped get me out of my funk, because minecraft was so exciting to me, and his videos gave me something to look forward to, and something that I found fun. For those who didn't watch his videos -- because this was 6 years ago and they've been deleted -- they were kind of a fusion of survival and creative. He played survival mode, and got his resources the old fashion way, but then built cool stuff.
And that's what I'm looking for again. I found them calm and relaxing, and that's what I need right now.
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self.bipolar
|
Does anyone else sleep only an hour a night on Abilify? Hi all. I'm back for some more advice please. I got off Wellbutrin about a week ago because of side effect issues, including poor sleep. I got put on Abilify instead. I do not feel manic, but I have only slept about an hour a night for four days now. I am starting to be jumpy and a little paranoid. Has anyone else had such a severe sleep deprevation issue with this drug? Any input is much appreciated 😁.
|
self.bipolar
|
Fear of SSRIs. Help!! Yo yo! Little backstory. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. Breakdowns on a weekly basis, half the walls in my house have holes in them because of rage, and o destroyed my relationship with my own mother and my friends. I tried to kill myself in May and was admitted to a psych ward for a few weeks. They diagnosed me with bipolar type 2 and I was put on Depakote, zyprexa and klonopin. The medication did "dull" me to an extent, which I think is good, but I was still depressed.
Every time I see the psych she puts me on a new SSRI, because I tell her the other one didn't work. Here's the twist, I never take them. Ever. And I lie to her saying I didn't like it. So far I've been prescribed Effexor, celexa, Prozac, lexapro, and Wellbutrin. With Prozac being my "latest" one.
I have no issue taking the depakote, but for some damn reason I'm afraid to take SSRIs...I feel like my brain is going to be permanently broken or something. And I'm terrified of the sexual side effects; they're very embarrassing and I never end up enjoying myself. I know Depakote is "scarier" so to speak, so I don't know why I'm scared. This is coming from someone who used to reckless shit like get arrested and drive 120 MPH down the freeway, and also take 6mg of xanax and drink my ass off (yes I know it's bad, that's why I'm medicated now LOL)
Does anyone have any experience with SSRIs that also is bipolar? Any advice or motivation or anything is appreciated. Cheers
Here's my current meds
Depakote 500 mg 2x daily
Trazadone 150 mg (as needed for sleep)
Gabapentin 600 mg 3x daily
And then there's the SSRIs, at least one of which I would like to incorporate but I'm a 🐔
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self.bipolar
|
Autism and gift giving... boyfriend made a big deal about his birthday and then barely bothered on mine. Feeling a bit hurt. My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year. He was diagnosed as a teenager with "traits of Asperger's Syndrome." But his Doctor didn't think his symptoms were severe enough to need medication. I, on the other hand, have all the classic symptoms... especially when looking specifically at females with the syndrome. I have never been diagnosed, though. When I was younger my parents ust kept saying I had an attitude problem, demanding I straighten up and be normal, and then screaming at me when I didn't. But anyway... that's another thread altogether. I have never pursued a diagnosis as an adult because I just don't see how it will suit me. I own and operate a business, own a home, have a social life, etc.
And because this info might be asked for... we are in our 30s.
So anyway... His birthday was in October. He sent his Amazon wishlist to me and several other people, and shared it on his Facebook page for everyone he knows to see. He told me I might want to get in touch with his friend (I'll just call her L) so we could discuss what we each were getting him and make sure not to overlap. I sent L a brief message telling her what I got him, but never heard back. Two weeks before his birthday he posted his wishlist again on his Facebook, and tagged his sister in law and I in the post, with a caption that said, "You two need to figure this out." etc. I never bothered messaging her and never heard from her. I personally thought he was being a bit off about the whole thing. Most adults don't act this way when it comes to their birthdays and getting presents. But my normal-o-meter is screwed up, so I kept my opinion to myself.
So, it's the night of his birthday dinner. I give him about half a dozen things from his list. His brother and SIL gave him an expensive power tool. I don't remember what his Mom gave him.
Then that weekend we went down to see L. (She lives in a different city.) He had a really sentimental gift for her (because her birthday falls the same week.) He gave her something his dead grandparents gave him before they passed. I had something small for her too. I don't know her that well though, so it was completely random. And it was actually something he suggested.
So, L completely geeks out over my gift, loves it and gives me a huge hug. Then he gives her this family heirloom from his grandparents. and she didn't quite know how to react.
When we left her house, he was a little annoyed because I got more a reaction from her than he did.
And to everyone reading this, I am sorry it's going so long. All these details are relevant later, I swear.
So... fast forward a month to my birthday in November. He told me he didn't know what to get me. I told him there were a few things in my amazon cart that I was saving for later that I could send him links to. He asked for said links. I sent them like three weeks before my birthday.
Well, my birthday came and went, and nothing. And we were together all day, too.
Now, I need to back track a bit and provide a few more details about some things.
-Back in August I needed something for my business, but there wasn't enough in my account to order it in time for when I needed it. So he placed the order for me and paid, then I paid him back (at least I'm about 98% sure I did.)
-Back in September he gave me a small crystal. When he handed it to me he said, "Happy birthday." I took it as a joke. His sense of humor is kind of hard to read sometimes.
He is a massage therapist, I am an artist. He has been making comments about wanting me to paint him a picture. I painted him a picture the first month we were dating, and he never even took it home with him. It's still sitting in my dining room. I have asked him for a massage. I know he is not allowed to actually charge me money for a massage because we are a couple and there are rules against that. But I have offered to buy him dinner in exchange, etc. He keeps saying he will do it one of these days, but never wants to make a concrete plan. And the last time I asked his response was "When are you going to paint me a picture?"
So... back to the regular timeline here...
Two days after my birthday we were driving along, and he says he has an idea. Remember the item he ordered for me a while back?He tells me that we will just say that is my birthday present. I told him I paid him for that. He says he doesn't remember if I did. Then he told me he was making something for me, but never got it finished.
We had a serious conversation about it a day or so later. I told him it didn't seem fair. Such a big deal was made by him about his birthday and presents he was getting from people, then I basically get nothing. And he brought up the crystal he gave me months ago and said that was my present. I told him I thought he was just kidding and didn't think that was an actual present. And I pointed out that he gave L this really sentimental present, etc. His response was that he's known her a lot longer.
And if he was that confused about what to get me... he could have just given me a massage.
So... now Christmas is coming up. He keeps hinting around about wanting a painting. He loves Kitsune. If you don't know what Kitsune are, they are mythical Fox creatures. He has this kitsune character that he developed and talks about from time to time. My idea was to do a painting of this character for him for Christmas. But... he won't tell me what the character even looks like other than vague descriptions. He says he "doesn't want to" tell me.
So, after taking time and effort to get him exactly what he wanted for his birthday, and then being basically blown off for mine, I wonder if it's even worth doing the painting for him. He won't tell me any details anyway about what this character looks like, and I can't think of anything else he would want a painting of.
I know all the old cliche's... It's the thought that counts, etc. But clearly he didn't put much thought into my birthday. And he expected everyone to just bend over backwards for his. I also know you shouldn't give expecting anything in return, and it probably sounds like that's what I'm doing. I really am not. I just figured after such a big deal was made over his birthday he would make more of an effort on mine. And now with Christmas coming up, I am wondering if spending hours and hours on a painting is even worth all the trouble. Especially if when Christmas comes I just get nothing.
So if you stuck with all that, thanks. I know it was a long one. But I figured all the details were important to include. Comments are welcome.
TD;LR Boyfriend made a big deal about his birthday and then barely made an effort on mine. Wondering if Christmas will be the same way.
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self.offmychest
|
Teeny tiny white lies? As a rule I don’t lie to my girlfriend as I don’t think that’s a healthy thing for a relationship. However she’s going to be awake soon (it’s an LDR) and is going to message me asking how I slept - and if I tell her the truth that I’ve been up all night and haven’t taken my meds or eaten she’s just going to make a big deal out of it when it really isn’t. I feel the best I’ve felt in months today and I’m kinda scared she’ll ruin it; she’s a very clever lady and always knows how to get to me if I’m being non-compliant with meds or food. Is it really selfish of me to think like that when I would never lie to her about anything else?
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self.bipolar
|
I dont know okay now starting with questions. i have no future plan or purposeto live like because i have nothing to do. my options are limited. okay my problem it isn't awesome thing like I have no purpose in life like I have nothing to think about like whenever I think something is it's just destroying self okay this thing is I can't find it like to the answer my questions long-term is something far to me I can it do something for future it's hard for me to think something to have something to interest okay I have no interest in something because thinking it's a job to do like you loud music singing and you become musician write a singer but it's not for me I love music but I love listening to it I love imagining things making story in my mind and I don't know what's in videos in YouTube I love it and I are reading in wattpad but but the main problem is like whenever something happens like a decision to make decisions go there eats the food I don't know I can't explain it so I don't know it's hard to express it okay now okay I'm saying so much okay what I don't know before like a couple of days ago 4 or 3 days ago I was super bad from depression like I was wanting to die like it's just everything black to me I was crying like all day I was watching videos I was feeling bad so everything no I am little more good but a solution for me to feel good like okay I feel good it's goodbye my problem isn't so bad it's still there like I don't know it's weird to me it's canceled but but I can't do it and main problem it seems I have nothing to like going to Varsity what I'm doing stupid in University I have like I'm going to live for what I have no reason to live what I'm going to do my main plan is was the going anywhere staying at one of the Asian countries like Japan South Korea maybe China but I don't think so because learning Chinese is hard and I don't know I like I don't wanted to go to China but I love China I will go with it not living there but, but this plan is like I don't know it's not far from me like it's possible but right now it's I don't want it it's complicated like this I want to go there but I I change something I can't explain it so couples no one day ago I cut my hair in France and I don't know if it's a good thing or bad thing I searched it and I didn't Finance for its but it's not important maybe it's a good thing or bad thing I don't know but is more important okay if there is some wrong words it's because I'm doing like speaking in Google it's writing itself and wanting more I want to say is okay I have no interest in something as big as big as I want to do in for I can't explain it but like I don't want something to do in my future the reason is my interest in something like watching videos or listening music is there I love driving to but they're little and my interest isn't like driving is not as big as like I want to be a artist it's like I love just driving it's like a hobby and I don't have to hold on something like future I want to doing to this in future like in a job I want to be a writer I want to be a writer but it's a hard thing to do is like I don't know I hope I will find answers to my questions and people who feels like me
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self.depression
|
Waiting the day out am having a really tough time at the moment. Currently in my 2nd month of weaning off benzos and the withdrawal is agonizing.
I’m beyond annoyed that I am a 28 year old that has to have a fucking bedtime and I can’t be out doing the fun things my friends/boyfriend do. I’m further annoyed that this still bothers me - I thought I was past it.
I hate this illness. I hate myself. I’m basically just waiting out this Sunday so I can go the fuck back to bed - and if I have another sleepless night I think my head will explode.
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self.bipolar
|
How do you feel when you have a panic attack? [Trigger warning]
A few days ago I was doing an exam and wasn't feeling nervous at all, but out of nowhere my heart just started racing really hard and I felt I was gonna have a a heart attack right there, it took like 20 minutes for it to came back to normal.
I never had this before, does it sound like a panic attack? Which symptoms do you usually have when that happen?
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self.Anxiety
|
My ex of five years got engaged with new partner < a year It's weird.
I'm not upset or sad, just frustrated that my self-esteem issues (at the time of being with ex) were kind of validated recently.
I stayed with him through him going to university, helping him make a life back home upon his return. I own my apartment, I own my car and he knew how much of an independent girl I was. I was with him from age 15 to 21; when he left for uni, I even asked if he wanted to split as I valued his new journey and would accept it. Anyways, on and off for a bit then we were on for a good solid two years when he moved back.
He started making more money than me. He started growing resentful. He left me as soon as he got his mortgage approved.
He moved on far before I even knew he was no longer in love with me, he really hid his true feelings. I know now if someone loves you enough, they'll tell you when they're distant and will want to work on issues. He didn't.
He never saw a future with me and lead me on and used me for a convenient place to stay and a comfortable lifestyle to save his money. I didn't know, I was blindsided and he seems super happy since leaving.
I am happy for him. He started dating someone new, maybe less than half a year (not counting). Kind of shitty but we were seeing each other even into this year but I ended it because I was getting confused (entirely my own feelings/not his). Friend sent me a screenshot; he is engaged as of last month.
I'm just disappointed in the younger me for not kicking him out and realizing signs from earlier. I have grown SO much since our breakup but I wish I got to start it earlier.
Honestly, I'm a little hurt this man saw value in this new partner that he didn't see in me but I'm on my own journey and can happily say I haven't felt as low as I did with my ex-partner BUT DAMN YO LESS THAN A YEAR AND GETTING MARRIED? I felt ready after five+ years but couldn't imagine less than a year and so sudden.
Good luck Ex!
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self.offmychest
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How do I prevent my parents from discovering me when they come home? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
The past crushes me - the future terrifies me. I've been thinking long and hard over the last few months about what it is that paralyzes me. Some background - over the past 6 years I've lost my mother, father, grandmother, aunt, and four of my friends (two of whom were my closest - the type you imagine being at your funeral one day and telling your child about you.) I also had another friend backstab me horrifically and I've been struggling to live life without her.
So what is it that's killing me? I started by trying to figure out what calmed me down. And you know what? When I just focus on the moment, or the things that are current and present - I'm ok. It's when my thoughts roll to the past, or look forward to the future...that's when my hands start to shake. Anger rises. I'm upset my friends and family have died. I'm mad at them for abandoning me. Then I'm ashamed for that. I look to the future and I wonder what else horrid shit I'll have to go through.
But when I just keep my mind on the current minute and hour...I'm ok. My issue is that it's so hard to do that. Not looking for a solution or anything - just an observation about how my mind works in case anyone else struggles with the same.
Be well, everyone. You matter and our timeline is better for you being here.
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self.depression
|
It's weird knowing when I'm in my hypomania state. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
I thought about suicide this morning I woke up and as I got ready to walk my ass to a shitty school I thought, "Imagine how much better you'd feel if you just died." I haven't felt like this since October and I'm extremely depressed right now. I love you all have a good day.
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self.depression
|
Kind of like a song rant Man these evil forces is crazy inside me, so much insane thoughts be coming out of me, how can I ignore it when its in my spirit, sorry mama if one day if I can't deal with it, this rage is too powerful, I'm not used to dealing with forces that are powerful, still I go to work and attempt to be sane, even though I'm steady going insane, then the itch only gets worse, some could call it a curse, if it ain't rage then its depression, if it ain't depression then its another demon, if it ain't demons then its anxiety, sometimes I can't understand what climbs in me, foreign to me even though these feelings been for some quite time, I hate the anatomy of my mind, any advice don't do shit, then I feel like shit, happiness comes to tease me, then obsession seduces me, all this plus the inch to getting closer to prison, funny how I'm already locked in a prison, no laughing matter, every action I take it feels like it don't matter, I could save this world still these demons will eat me alive, then I'm a bad guy if I commit suicide, either way a catch 22, so I have to deal with this till my life is due, then Ima sleep or scorch in these flames, I'm not used to dealing or causing pain, when I was a kid I never wanted any of this to happen, just like 2016 I wish it never happened. So being locked up or tasting death handling these two gears, least I'll be free from all of it in a 100 years.
Death I feel it in my bones, I'm scorching while being alone, messed up big time they say move on, funny how these feelings keep riding along, of course I can't excuse what I did, its so hard to still live with what I Did, it'd such a itch to forfeit , what if I just can't take it like Abraham K Briggs?, Not use to being a monster, I remember in high school I compared myself to Hitler, now the comparisons seems like coming true, following in brother foot steps what my mom was saying was true, he killed someone but I felt like killing two people, man the devil tells me to get rid of those people, wonder how I'd feel if I took the lives of those people, I imagine going to their funerals knowing what I did, seems like I already did, my ex seems me as the worst person on this earth, me I think Im not meant for this world, easier said than done, no more devils will be read on my tombstone.
I tell these angels, please remove these homicidal blood thirsty devils, cleanse the past, remove it all and help me to not see the past, rewind all and help all, all the pain, loneliness and agony, lord Krishna, Buddha, whoever it is just hold me.
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self.offmychest
|
Is the state of the world not absolutely debilitating? I go to college. The amount of people my age (early adulthood) that are depressed too is astounding. I can't believe the sheer amount of people that just want to die, myself included. This world is a fucked up mess. I feel completely powerless looking in on this world full of depressed people.
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self.depression
|
not really into 2018 i was going to kill myself, but the only pills i have would cause seizures which sounds terrifying. i've been suicidal for five years off and on, and i'm really tired of these thoughts being a near daily occurrence. i don't know what to do and i don't know what i want from posting this.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I have no one to talk to about my problems so I post about them on Reddit constantly How sad is that?
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self.offmychest
|
Has anyone had any success with a good add on med to their anti depressant such as an anticonvulsant or atypical AP? I’ve tried so many meds and my doctor mentioned trying depakote possibly which is an anticonvulsant or another low dose atypical AP in addition to my luvox. Risperdal helped but I gained too much weight too fast. As far as anticonvulsants go I tried gabaoentin and did nothing that’s the only one I tried in that class.
Any experience?
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self.Anxiety
|
My name is John I don't know what I'm looking for here. I just want to be heard. I'm posting this on my actual account because I want people to know who I am.
Every day I wake up to a physical pain in my chest. It's the kind of pain that can't be rid of through Aspirin or ibuprofen or Tylenol, it's much like hunger, except it can't be satiated. Every day I wake up and feel it. But I go to class; I do homework; I smile; I laugh; all because that's what people are supposed to do. I'm supposed to get dressed and walk out of my apartment every day prepared to take on the world. But I can't. I'm tired. I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of being alone.
Every day I cry. Most of the time it's when my roommate is gone, but sometimes I don't have that luxury. I work at my school's library, and the other day I was assigned to sort books. While I was working, I lost it. I had to sit in the bathroom for 10 minutes and try to collect myself. When I finally left, I stared at the same title for 30 minutes, all while contemplating walking out of my shift and ending it.
I just don't know what to do. I've never had a girlfriend, and I was a virgin up until 21 til I finally had enough and paid a prostitute. It was shit. I couldn't perform because I was drunk, and she was obviously just in it for the money. No passion whatsoever. All through high school I watched my friends get in relationships. I listened to them talk about relationships and hung out with them and their girlfriends. I enjoyed their company, I considered them friends, but every day something inside of me collapsed a little.
Then, finally, at 22 I met a girl through Tinder. I really really REALLY enjoyed talking to her. We talked for like two weeks before we met up, and it was the first time I've been happy in years. Every day I was checking my phone multiple times a minute. Some people say that a relationship won't fill the hole inside of you, but after that night I can say with certainty that it is exactly what is missing in my life. I want someone to want me and enjoy my company.
When we met up, I thought things went well. We hooked up. The sex was good - really fucking good - but what made me the happiest was the fact that someone liked me enough to do it with me. But a day later she messaged me and told me that she found me too awkward to talk to and that we shouldn't talk to each other any more. Now, this was a woman who has slept with nine other guys, some of whom were one night stands, and kept in touch with *every* other one of them. This was a woman who dated a man who could only eat pizza, burgers, and french fries, because he had such a bad case of anxiety that any other foods would cause him to break down.
But *I* was too awkward to keep in touch with. *I* was too much work.
And that broke me. Whatever it was inside of me that had been giving all my life finally collapsed. For years, I've tried to socialize. I've tried clubs, I've tried jobs, I've tried talking to people around me in classes, and it hasn't done anything. I thought maybe it was because I wasn't physically attractive, but then I got in shape and it changed nothing. So I gained a little weight back, and then I met her. I had a chance with a girl. I thought she liked talking to me as I liked talking to her. But I was wrong.
Through her I discovered the truth; I'm fundamentally flawed. I can't socialize. I'm not attractive. There is *nothing* physically impressive about me. I have no hobbies. I'm boring as shit. I'm awkward. I have no redeeming qualities *at all*. I don't know what to do about it either. I tried a number of hobbies. Skateboarding, puzzles, reading, television, exercise, drawing, instruments, etc. It all bored the shit out of me. I had *zero* fun.
I lie to everyone. I tell people I got laid in high school. I tell them I had a good size friend group. The truth is, I've never had more than a couple friends at a time, and I've never been in a relationship. Every day this eats me up. Every day I wake up, I'm disappointed that I didn't fucking die in my sleep.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Just tired I am in a bad place in my head right now, and I am tired. I am trying to find a place in my head where I don't feel crushed under a weight where I can breathe but I am having a hard time. I have been down this road before with a bottle of pills and had the my EX call the EMT's to come knocking at my door be for I could slip away from it all. but she is not here anymore and I have nothing hold me down. I am tired of being in this place I try and try again to escape but nothing is working just an hour ago I wanted to hang my self but chickened out because I did not want my sister to find me, but I don't think I will survive till the end of the year, my body and mind just can't take being tired anymore. I think this is going to be last day.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My nervous "picking" habit has damaged my skin under my lip, making it brown, bumpy and ugly, and I'm filled with shame and anxiety I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.
I'm a guy in my late twenties. Much of my life I've coped with anxiety and related things, like OCD, depression, or general anxiety. I've had therapists in the past. Right now I don't.
But anyway. for something like the last 8 years I've had this nervous habit. It started probably in college. I accidentally got in the habit of using my upper lip to kind of pick at a hair or two that would grow under my lower lip (i.e., "soul patch" area). I would shave daily and was clean shaven, but you know, 5 o clock shadow, a hair or two peeks out, I'd use my lip (or my finger) to kind of wiggle it around. After a while I got used to doing this and it sort of created a pleasure response of some sort; it became a neural pathway of releasing stress so I started doing it subconsciously.
After doing this for , I dunno, some number of months or a year, the skin in this area started discoloring, turning a bit darker, brown, kind of hardened. Basically I've been sort of traumatizing the skin or hair follicles, and pushing the hair back into the hair follicles, and over time this issue got worse. It starts to become more visible and prominent. The brown spot spreads outward. Fast forward a few years. I go to my friend's house, he says "ooh, got a soul patch eh?" Hint: I don't have a soul patch. I have like a perma-soul patch which is this ugly brown fucked up skin.
You can see it get bigger in various pictures of me as the years pass (while I was still clean shaven). Laden with background anxiety, I suppose, and/or it feels good to do it, so I kept doing it through college. Barely aware I was doing it. It became and automatic habit.
My dad, he told me once, something like this, with _great_ alarm - "What are you doing?! You have to stop doing that?! Are you crazy? That will turn into cancer! And no woman will want to be with you!!"
Basically he had this alarmist (and over the top) response, which planted a seed of shame in me that is really hard to unroot.
Now, early 2016 I decide to try growing a modest beard. Not a giant Tormund beard mind you, but more of a hipster beard. Anyway, lo and behold: the hair grows out and it starts to obscure this brown spot. what a relief! No more shame when I see my dad because he can't really see it. It's not like he's examining my face up close anyway.
Except this: now, there's a LOT more hair there, so I start doing the lip-sucking/picking thing more. And I start using my finger to play with the soul patch hair too. And it gets even worse. Now a good chunk of it is _white_, not just brown. The upper part of my skin near my lower lip is kind of red, too. You can't see it that much of it because of my beard but... when I trim it, if there's good lighting, you can see the brown and white and red damaged skin under the hair. :(
To make matters worse some of it is getting really PAINFUL too. If I push in some of the hairs it now is sending shooting pain. I have a spot right under my lower lip that looks like it might be an ingrown hair or something and I'm really scared that if I kiss someone it will HURT instead of be pleasant. This is spiking my anxiety.
I've let this get worse and worse. Every time I try to deal with it with mindfulness, meditation, breathing, whatever, whenever some anxiety comes up in my life (say, every 30 minutes) I will start doing it again, _subconsciously_. It's a nervous response. When I get anxiety, I engage in the habit. Whether I use my upper lip (less these days -- because my upper lip itself started hurting a lot from the contact with the spiky hair) or my fingers. I do it a lot more during work weeks than during weekends.
You may be wondering: Why haven't I tried seeking help for this issue in the past. Why not work with a therapist, whatever.
Well the truth is that I've had a myriad of other mental health issues that were always worse than this in my life. This habit was kind of always a "symptom" that never took priority in my head over the even worse issues. I suffered with OCD for a while, depression, chronic pain, anxiety, and insomnia. All of this for even longer than I've had the habit. It always has felt more important to focus on those things. I've made a lot of progress on these and now it feels like this skin issue is "the thing" holding me back, and I'm horrified that I've let it get worse and worse over time so that it's in this shape now.
I'm scared my dad is right, and if someone sees it or sees me for what I "truly am" then they'll leave me. I'm so ashamed of it. I know it isn't rational and it's a cognitive distortion but it still sucks. And the fact that it is physically painful now is an added thing. I'm now afraid of intimacy because what if kissing hurts.
My most recent therapist told me that this habit is a coping mechanism for me, and that if I can manage my anxiety and be mindful of those situations and take care of myself, then I will be able to let go of this habit. But It's SO Hard... I've had a day or two at most of consecutive days where I barely do it at all, but that's almost always on a vacation or weekend day where I'm more likely to take care of myself.
I just moved to a new city and I even just met this cute girl on a dating app and I want to ask her out. But I'm terrified that she'll see this patch of skin, or (even more terrifyingly) it will be painful to kiss her. Or if one day she asks me to trim my beard, teh truth will be revealed and she'll see how gross I really am. In fact, this whole thing kind of made me avoidant of kissing because well, my recent ex gf was annoyed that my beard kept irritating her and we didn't make out because of it.... but if I trim this, my ugly skin will be revealed :( )
I don't know if I need to see a dermatologist right away, or see a therapist again or what. I'm so tired of therapy. I miss my previous therapist but even she couldn't help me with this issue. I found a therapist here that I saw once and it was fine, but didn't see her again (saw her for help with insomnia but have been self-regulating for that with a bit of success).
I just want to be okay. To feel okay. I still get insomnia a lot. I get anxiety all the time. Part of me feels like I shouldn't even be engaging in dating, but I've been single for over a year and life feels so short and I don't want to miss out on a connection. But it's so hard loving myself, at the same time.
I just feel so ashamed, so sad. I had such a hard life dealing with countless challenges my own brain set up for me. Now it has created physical manifestations that despite my best efforts still might hold me back from enjoying life to the fullest. I just want to finally... feel ok. I want to solve this problem but not feel shitty about myself in the meantime. Sigh.
Thanks for reading. I don't know. I just want to cry about it. That would help me feel better but I have a bit of a mental block right now.
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self.offmychest
|
Going to be forced into a psych ward tomorrow I don't know what to do anymore. I have panic attacks whenever I think about it. The only options family and doctors are giving me are go voluntarily or if they feel like it which they will after an assessment in the morning they'll force me in. I don't know if I want to die. I don't know anymore. I think I maybe set a date because I wanted to feel like I could control something in life. Fucking anything. I self harm now just to calm down sometimes and feel like I can breathe again. I wish I stayed alone and acted like an asshole like I did in school and isolated myself. Why the fuck did I let anyone in again. Why was I so fucking stupid
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don’t even know know where to begin. I’m so riddled with varying emotions and I just need to tell someone else. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Need to get my life back on the tracks [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Negative PTO balance Just started a job about 6 months ago and I'm already negative on PTO because it's often too hard to make it out of bed due to crippling depression/overwhelming anxiety/etc. I also had a switch in depression meds, which wreaked havoc on my brain for several weeks.
Without having FMLA (<1 year as an employee), what are my other options for time to heal? My bosses don't know about my depression and I haven't sought assistance from my company's EAP.
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self.depression
|
On and on Part of me used to take some pride in the fact that I persevered. It never mattered how messed up I was. I always delivered. I remember self harming in the middle of the night, and whilst taking a shower to get ready for scl, I looked at the wounds and wondered what on earth am I doing. But I was never absent from scl, not even late.
At Uni, I sat my exams even if I had to be hospitalized. I graduated top 10% of my class, which was not shabby. I then qualified for my career.
I was on time, on par, at every stage, be it hell or high waters.
But as a working adult, I feel I can’t go on anymore - but I don’t want to give up - I’ve gone through hell to get here, only to find it just a different kind of hell.
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self.depression
|
#emotionalSelfSabotage Anyone else find themselves pushing away loved ones not only bc you feel as if they already don't care/you don't deserve the, but also because you just want to die and don't want anyone to be troubled by it? I just got in a fight with my boyfriend (with justifiable criticisms of our relationship, just handled in a moody and petty way) mostly antagonized by the fact that I want him to leave me so he wouldn't be upset if I killed myself. At this point, my suicidal ideation is just that-intrusive ideation-but my self sabotaging urges are strong.
Anyone have tips on keeping these thoughts, feelings and actions in check? My better days are becoming more and more infrequent because I'm ruining the good things on my bad days :(
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self.depression
|
Can anybody help me? Just a few words of kindness I made a mistake when I was 13, I put my friends hand on my genitals while he slept for a few moments. I don't think he knew about it but
I feel like this experience I had as a 13 year old defines my life. I feel like I can't get a job, or go for a career, I feel like even if I do he'll call up my employer one day and I'll just lose everything.
I'm extremely guilty for what I did every day but I feel like I'll never be allowed to live normally ever again. Maybe I deserve this, I don't know but I'm sick of feeling worthless for something my stupid self did as a child...
Please help me somehow even if you hate me
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self.offmychest
|
Social anxiety makes it so much worse I can't go a whole day without doing something horribly awkward and it just piles on to the missive stack of reasons that I'm miserable
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self.depression
|
My friend slept with my ex girlfriend and I'm losing it UPDATE: [I recently broke up with my sO of two years and I have terrible anxiety](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/comments/75zkxa/i_recently_broke_up_with_my_so_of_two_years_and_i/)
So what I was so anxious about actually did end up happening. The weekend before last, one of my best friends slept with my ex whom I'd recently broken up with. I found out on Friday.
I have never felt so much pain in my life. Any wounds from the break up that were healing have been completely ripped open and I just want this pain to end. My brain is my own worst enemy and it keeps torturing me with images of the two of them together and it's overwhelming and almost impossible to control.
I'm actually at a loss as to what to do. I think I need to go back to my doctor and adjust my mediciation and/or get therapy again because I'm slowly losing it. Does anyone have any tips to clear these horrible thoughts from my mind in the mean time? I'm tired of hurting and I just want to be at peace.
Edit: THANK YOU EVERYONE who has replied. I didn't expect this level of response. So much love and great advice exists in this community. I feel terrible but slightly less hopeless and empowered. I can see myself coming back to these comments regularly when the going gets tough. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart.
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self.Anxiety
|
Family member is successful. I haven't felt more worthless. [removed]
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self.offmychest
|
I think I’m doing better I don’t why I’m writing this, it’s just something I realized and maybe it might inspire someone reading this. It occurred when I finished registering for classes.
I’m the son of starving artists and an immigrant. I’ve had depression and adhd since I was 12. I grew up in a rocky home where even though my parents were always together there were tons of emotional abuse and manipulation. My parents straight up told me they would be indifferent to my death with my mom telling me to slice my wrists and Dad taunting me into trying to gut myself. I have multiple deep cutting scars still and for a few months I had a noose under my bed. I was bedridden for a large part of summer and still have nerve damage in my right arm from that incident. A month ago I was getting bullied and had to be taken to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. Even though I have a job, despite medical/other expenses I have no money and now living off my university’s equivalent of food stamps and local food pantries.
But here I am. I survived every bad fucking day. Im 18 and in a selective school where I’m only paying $9K a year. I’m already taking junior level classes and despite only being 10 weeks into school I’m one of the very few students my age to be 45% towards finishing my major. Im on the rugby team and recently I tackled a big dude wearing the Stanford uniform.
I used to think life wasn’t for everyone and that I was in the unlucky category but now I’m doubting that. I’m ready to be the person I needed when I was younger.
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self.depression
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This week has been so shitty for my mental health. I skipped two classes this week, one of which my attendance is suffering badly and my grade will drop to a D if I keep on being late/missing classes. I took a test in Calculus and probably flunked it, and I can't afford to fail this class because this is my 3rd time taking it and I might have to stay another year (this is yr 3 of community college, don't wanna be a senior and still stuck here). I could not concentrate the entire time; my brain was in a fog and I couldn't think straight. In my sociology class we had to write a paper and I missed the deadline for it; he gave me an extension and I missed that one too. I STILL haven't even started it yet. Can't seem to muster up the energy to write it, or to do the things I need to pass these classes. I'm only taking three, I dropped a fourth one earlier, and I'm STILL managing to screw things up. Every day I feel so tired and dead, I can't seem to do anything except fuck around on my phone. Every time I try to read one of the dense, 20pg articles in sociology the words just go right through my head, only registering as a collection of sounds and syllables.
I don't know if I'm being lazy, or if I actually have depression??
I'm legit fuckin scared, bc I need to transfer and I don't want to stay here any longer.
I don't know how I'm going to pass this semester.
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self.depression
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How do I help my friend with anxiety and depression prepare for her exams? really worried for her. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Severe physical symptoms of stress and anxiety Since I was young around 8 or 9 I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder I have been off and on of SSRI's. I usually get off them a few months after starting because I feel like I can handle it on my own. Last week I had a full on panic attack where I felt very dizzy, lightheaded, heart pounding, and truly thought I was going to die. I have been to the ER twice and urgent care once in just the last week. I have had cat scan on my chest, chest xray, blood tests, multiple EKG's. Everything came back normal. I am feeling symptoms constantly even when not panicking. My hands and feet seem to sweat all day, constant feeling of adrenaline, stomach bloating and gas, fast heart rate, heart palpitations, PVC's, shakiness, distorted vision, vertigo, mild headaches, and random pains throughout my body especially around my heart/chest. Not all symptoms are occurring at the same time but different ones come and go. All I can think about is my health and what I am feeling. I got xanax prescribed to me and it works like a charm but only for a few hours and when it wears off I am right back to the unbearable symptoms. I have never felt before that I do not want to be awake and that I wish I could just be asleep constantly, but that is how I feel now. I used to be fine at my home by my self now as an adult I have been sleeping at my parents house and living in constant fear. I wake up much earlier than I used to feeling like I just drank 6 cups of coffee and feel very uncomfortable and unable to go back to sleep unless I take a xanax. I have not had any tests on my brain and I am thinking that this could be some sort of brain tumor or aneurysm even though everyone seems to be telling me anxiety/panic disorder is the most likely cause. The fact that I am taking the xanax is also worrying me because I know it can be harmful and highly addictive if taken for long periods of time, it's just that it's the only thing helping me now. I feel like over the last week I have become a completely different person, I do not have interest in any of the things I used to enjoy and I just sit hoping my anxiety will go away or awaiting my xanax to wear off. I have also been prescribed SSRI's again and have started those, I am very hopeful that in a week or two the SSRI's will help and I can stop the xanax but I am skeptical. Has anyone experienced anything similar to this? What did you do to get through it?
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self.Anxiety
|
yesterday I cried at CVS pharmacy it took days to get my meds because of issues between doctor and CVS. There was a really sassy pharmacist assistant who I dealt with the whole time. I ended up calling her out when I finally got my prescription (two days without my mood stabilizer) and I'm horrible with confrontation so I ended up just crying.
Pharmacy visits ending with my boyfriend holding me as I sob in Target beauty aisle - thanks bipolar!
It was pretty rough at the time and was a stressful struggle to get my meds, the assistant *was* being out of line rude/defensive to me ...
but it is kind of hilarious in hindsight. hey, life is just a dark comedy. I want to make a meme out of this.
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self.bipolar
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Sometimes I get so angry with myself that I scream at myself in the mirror. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I fucked up the first part of a stats problem on an exam and now I’m going to get the rest of it wrong. I fucking hate myself. How am I ever going to get into a psychology doctoral program when I make fucking arithmetic mistakes. I knew how to do the problem. I hate myself. Now I’m having a major anxiety spin and my head hurts and I’m tired and I want to break up with my boyfriend and be alone and cry. I hate this. I hate how I fucked up. I just wanted to get a good grade on this exam and be happy. I’m such a moron and I pretend I’m smart enough to do this whole PhD thing but I fucking won’t make it.
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self.Anxiety
|
fear of needles Every time I have to get a shot, I faint. The days leading up to getting vaccinated, all I can think about is the shot and how much it will hurt. As well, the days leading up I get nauseous and I feel so sick that I can barely eat.
After I get the shot, I'm like wow this didn't hurt, when I pick my fingers until they bleed, that hurts more.
I wanna volunteer at a hospital but I have to get a TB test and that has been deterring me from getting the test.
I don't know what to do
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self.Anxiety
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When does therapy cure anhedonia and if it doesnt why shouldn't I suicide? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Suicidality Not sure where to start.... Do not have a history of mental health issues, so this is a first for me. Something bad happened a couple weeks ago and I've had trouble coping. I'm usually a resiliant person so I thought i'd be upset for a while but heal with time. No such luck, and have felt suicidal twice in the past week (I have a plan, but I don't think I would carry it out). I haven't told my family and friends, because I can see the burden of their concern for me (recently I have been crying a lot, and I haven't been leaving my house really for anything and I can tell it's made them upset). I don't really know how to get help or how to start healing. Everyday I wake up is the same... feeling like my life is a joke and there's no puspose in living
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self.SuicideWatch
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What (and when) were the first symptoms of your illness? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Switching Medications Hi, I am switching from sertraline (zoloft) to venlafaxine (Effexor) because of problems with erectile dysfunction. I am weaning off of the zoloft currently and have been noticing a decreased mood. I was wondering what your experiences are with switching medications and also experiences with Effexor?
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self.depression
|
December time Anyone else feeling like nothing matters?
I feel. Like it would just be better to end it all.
Like nothing matters
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self.depression
|
Absolutely no one knows the real me I’ve had friends growing up. I’ve dated, got married, had kids, and been pretty successful (lucky) with my career. But I still feel completely alone.
I use to confide in my wife, she seemed to be the one I could turn to. But recently I’ve discovered that she still has absolutely no idea who I really am. What I mean is, some of the things that I’ve explained to her about my personality and dealing with depression, she suddenly thinks are cop outs and acts surprised when I bring them up (enjoying isolation, needing time alone, shutting down, trouble communicating).
I’ve realized that she doesn’t actually see me, she doesn’t know the person underneath this depression. Now I feel completely alone. I know I mentioned enjoying isolation, but only in the sense of not dealing with people. I still have a desire to be understood and acknowledged. But I don’t even get that now.
I have this fantasy of someone actually listening to me, showing compassion and hearing what I’m saying. Someone who cares about my struggles instead of thinking they’re a cop out. Someone who can be the strong one when I’m stuck in a depression. I use to think this person was my wife, now I doubt I’ll ever have someone like this in my life.
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self.depression
|
Im not living for me anymore The only reason that I'm still here is because I don't want to hurt anyone I know. PLUS loan would become taxable income if I died. I'm just a husk at this point.
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self.depression
|
I am afraid of food poisoning (I don't have it) Just bought and served ice cream from a Duane Reade that obviously had melted and refroze. I feel fine but am up thinking that I have given my family food poisoning. Google did not help.
These are old tapes in my head playing and it's 3:40 in the morning. I find talking about it get's it out of my head
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self.Anxiety
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Please just let me die... After I tried to kill myself 2 months ago I was finally getting better, then life decided to screw me over. All because I smoked weed once, my best friend won't talk to me, and my depression kicked in again right before he stopped talking to me, and him ignoring me certainly doesn't help. I feel so hopeless, like I'm never gonna be able to finally fucking die. I just feel overwhelmingly alone and sad. Anyone have a good method to kill myself?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I think I fucked up and am on the verge of an anxiety attack :( [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Nonartistic redditors, what is your emotional outlet for sadness? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Who are you? Tell me who you were. What happened, was present (that you knew of) , was triggered.
What made you who you are?
Guess i'll start...
(First time here actually)
Strange childhood. No friend. Bullied throught elementary school.
First born child. Has a brother.
Brother was favorite child.
I'm the one who got hit.
Been told i was a broken condom @12 years old
Brother could cry when he wanted (would actually make shit up to get me in trouble)
13 years old: first "love" relashionship. #raped
That person spreaded rumors abput me in high school. Got bullied through all the fucking years of highschool (past thoughts of locking the jocks in the bathroom and setting fire To the school.
#DidNotDoItK?!
Captain of soccer team bullied me.
Fucking got angry.
Stole the fucking ball to him as a goaler then scored. Turned around to grab him by the throat and yell at his face.
Get sepparated. Coach does nothing. After all the classed after that they would steal my shit and hide if i got in a shower cabin., throw me disgusting food at the caffeteria. Call me a faggot.
Highschool was where i said fuck this world.
WAS against drugs
Wanted to become a cop (k9 officer)
Got beaten up by fucking pigs.
Decided to go in art school.
in debt to learn that the only art teacher making money is a coke addict who copies dead artist grotesqully and fraud people.
Final exposition:
Get a sculpture on which i spended more than 200$ stolen same for my final projet painting 150hours of work. (Diagnosed with major depression *finally*)
Droped out because i thought about making my death an art performance. Antidepressants fucked me up more than they helped.
#InDebtForNoRealRecognition
Best childhood friend jumps to his death from a 15th floor. End up in a coma only to wake up in front of his mother who hated him and who he hated and instantly die from the sight of his abuser by a brain fart. He became vegetable.
had two more relationships. Both of them were escorts but the second one tried to hide it and gave me chlamydia .
☆congratulation your trust issues got more deep☆
Got my dream job. Twice. Lost it the first time because my ex boss was a white pride asshole who could not deal with the fact that he had a bisexual employee.
Second time lost my job because i was kept by force for 3 days in a psych ward. (My second escort ex stole my rent money and then told me that if i couldn pay rent she had to throw me out.
so she threw me out.
A friend thought i would kill myself So he called 911 I was brought to the hospital by a violent cop who jumped on me and tackled me to the concrete..
Was threatened by a nurse to be sedated While she had opened the needle and was holding it Up.
Could not sleep for those three days..
They were mocking me. They made me feel like a burden.
Got diagnosed B.P.D.
time goes by. My drug consumption gets better (the more drugs the merrier.) I'm a psychedelic and weed type of guys. Took opiates three times.
If i could i'd get lost in a lsd trip to never come back.
Lsd made me realise i've been disociating for years.....
I have D.I.D. apparently. Had a converstion with the others on lsd. (Just google it i'm not the one who's gonna explain it is shit enough to deal with.)
Fried my brain up with mdma wich i did not chemically test before because i did not care if i lived or OD'ed
People (parents/"friends") dont listen to me when shot happens. I appologiesed too much and now it means nothing to them. They think i'm selfish, and that those are empty words. It hurts...
recently lost my dream carreer for the second time but this time the boss stole my two last cheques and my governement papers which i need for taxes.
i recently tried to hang myself'swith a belt on my birthdaY hiding in my closet.
I fucked up....
I'm still stuck here im not supposed to be here anymore....
EDIT: new girlfriend is depressed too. Her dad pulled off the kurt cobain with his hunting shotgun when she was a kid... i think i'm mostly staying for her....
She has a kid. If she gets raped growing up i dont know how ill snap... o love that little devil.... :(
Apparently we are doomed to repeat our parents mistake or the inherit their traumas.
I wanted 3 kids in the past but now i'm affraid to have any because of this world.
I feel like if one of them goes throught something i have been throught i'd end up rotting in prison only to slice my own throat as an escape.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Help Can anybody recommend a drug that takes you away from reality for a certain period of time? No LSD or anything. I've been thinking about weed but is that actually helpful for depression?
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self.depression
|
Iv hurt people in the past, and my past now comes to haunt me. I want to make it up for them, but I have no connection to them what so ever. I don't even know if those people are still alive. They very much might not be.
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self.depression
|
Workaholic tendencies and idle anxiety I am in my second year as a choir teacher. I put in about 500 “extra” hours in a school year due to the extra rehearsals, concerts etc. when school ended for the summer last year, I struggled really badly with anxiety. I couldn’t relieve the feeling for weeks, even through an international trip. When I went back to work in August, my anxiety (somehow) got better. I am experiencing this spike in anxiety again over this Christmas break. It is like my mind isn’t buy thinking about the billion things I have to do at work, so my generalized anxiety thinks something is wrong. I am worried that I am becoming too attached to the stability of working and how it keeps my mind busy. Anyone else struggle with this?
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self.Anxiety
|
The only times I'm happy anymore is when I have a drink in my hands Cheers to all of you and cheers to my self hatred.
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self.depression
|
Social Anxiety and old gum So for the past few years I've become increasingly more aware of the fact that I have social anxiety pretty bad. Talking to people and being around big groups of people, and also I have this thing where if I'm sitting in a group and am not spoken to (I usually only speak when spoken to, especially if I don't know anyone in the group) I feel very ignored. Was wondering if there is a way to distinguish between general anxiety and social anxiety, and if meds help at all. I also shake very frequently, just in general or after regular activities like driving or sitting. That's probably just my metabolism though.
Another thing is it physically stresses me out to walk on old gum, or bumpy surfaces in general. I will avoid it at literally any cost, and looking at it repulses me. Dunno if that's a me thing or an anxiety thing. Also there are a lot of other things that make me anxious but I don't want to make this post too long.
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self.Anxiety
|
i now find porn makes me suicidal and lonely [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
What is the point I try hard to better myself but when I try I fail. I think I make a friend and he shit talks me behind my back. I pass all my tests getting top of the class in all of them but the teacher doesn't move me up when I am so obviously in the wrong set. I think my depression has stopped but it turns out it has just gotten worse. Family life is hard and social life is harder. I just play with rubik's cubes and brows reddit all day then sleep and then do it all again the next day. I can't find meaning in this life which out ways my desire to die. I wish that I could die but I am too scared to try, to scared of what I will leave behind. I can't talk with a therapist as i'm only 14 so I don't have the ability to get to one and even if I did, I do not feel comfortable sharing my feelings with my family so they could take me. I am lost and scared and I can't find a way out other then death. Is it really suicide if it is the only choice I see. I mean, I know there are other choices but I can't find them. help me, please.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My husband (m/23) cheated on me (f/24) with a gay man, claimed he liked it, but also claims he is straight Is my life forever going to be a circle of him cheating, then telling me he’s sorry, then doing it all over again?
I cant win.
My depression has taken over.
& now add this as the cake topper.
It literally makes me laugh because i just knew.
He’s been caught before cheating.
Dating websites. Craigslist. Went and did shit with a new HS graduate he met through some friends.
Did whit with a older woman on Craigslist.
Now this.
All while I’m at work, or home with our beautiful twin boys. While I’m currently 25 weeks pregnant with our little girl.
I’d be lying if i said i didn’t cheat on him, ONCE. On a girls weekend.. because i did.. i told him & he treated me like complete shit for it. Said he never fucked anyone else, I’m a whore.. blah blah blah.
All while he was hiding this secret, at least it makes sense as to why he was so fucking cruel to me.
I’m mad, and I’m hurt that he hid this from me. Claiming that he was basically perfect & never actually had sex with anyone. When he did.
He won’t talk about this with me, won’t give me the answers i want to know. Says he doesn’t want to talk about it.
Says he wants this marriage, us.. our family
But is this literally going to be my life?
The same hurt & anger, over & over?
(& yes. Most of you reading this will say, leave him. This marriage is toxic.. I’ve heard it before & i know it has its toxic points. But there’s also a real, deep love & connection between us.. not expecting everyone to understand what I’m saying & that’s okay. Sometimes love isn’t enough, but couldn’t it be?- i always told myself when i find the man I’m going to marry, no matter how hard it gets. I will stay.. i want to turn him into the MAN i know he can be.. am i fucked for thinking this way?)
But the kicker? He wrote that he liked it, but he’s straight ........
Lol @ my life. Literally.
I was making jokes to my bestfriend last night about this, because it hurts the the point where i laugh at it.. 🤦🏼♀️
Below is a picture of what he said, i just needed to put it out there so someone could imagine what i felt when reading this.
IMG_9545.PNG
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self.depression
|
Anxiety over rescuing abused dog and retaliation I'm feeling very anxious tonight. I agreed to foster a dog for a woman who spun a sob story and then said she was being investigated for the dog barking. Turns out it's some pretty awful neglect and abuse (not violent but the poor dog was very underweight and locked in a box on a balcony without food or water at night and if they were going out). No exercise (muscles were underdeveloped), mites, kennel cough, shots out of date, reactive to noises and wind and rain.
She now wants her dog back and when I offered to forgive her debt for food/vets/accessories (the dog came with next to nothing apart from that box) if she transferred ownership she sent a guy over who wouldn't stop banging on my door (to the extent that the peephole glass is cracked and the door frame is loose) then she cracked the window in my door so bad there's a breeze coming through it. There's also damage to my front window frame.
The police sent them on their way and advised its a criminal matter. I've received a letter from a solicitor but have been advised it has very little legal standing. She's sending me threatening text messages. She has rung businesses in my village trying to find out information about me as she doesn't even know my surname.
I've been advised to not comply with her demands by a free legal advice session, don't communicate with her. She demanded I return the dog by tomorrow. I'm so scared with how she's going to retaliate.
I've fed weeks of anxious energy into trying to find a way out. I've now been advised of a (seemingly) genius legal strategy. And the anxious energy is churning up my stomach and messing with my breathing with nowhere to spend it. I am experiencing hours of panic attacks that just kept cresting and I can't get my anxiety levels down below totally spooked levels.
I'm scared for the dog. I'm scared for my partner. I'm scared of another round of them coming to my door. I'm scared going outside. I'm scared of having to wait for her to follow this as a civil suit and if the strategy doesn't work. I went to the Dr's today for something to help and came away with antidepressants. I hate antidepressants but I've got to the point that I'm going to start them tomorrow. I'm Vaping so much, drinking herbal teas. Deep breathing isn't sticking and meditation is right out.
Can anyone think of something that might help that I've not? Thanks
Update:she is now threatening to turn up at my house tomorrow.
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self.Anxiety
|
Goal Setting Sunday 10.15.17 What do you hope to work toward this week? Let's share our goals and work towards progress and growth together.
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self.bipolar
|
Lose or maintain weight on Zyprexa I would like to ask if youve got some tips to maintain weight ,or if thats nigh to impossible, to gain as little weight as possible.
My ideas are:
- running
- building muscles (push-ups)
- hot beverages such as tea
- skip breakfast
- snap rubberband at wrist for distraction
- meditation
- write down what you eat
Do you have some more tips?
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self.bipolar
|
are y'all just ever tired of all the maintenance [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Can someone talk please New here because i feel no where else to go. When someone says they have no one, that is me x100. Well death follows me. My best friend died in 2016, 2 friends died in 2017. The pain has made me push my remaining friend and family all out of my life because i am very introverted with my emotions. Now i am alone. Completely alone. Ironically years ago i imagined myself as being ok with being completely alone (because i am very introverted) but I take that back. I have so much pain brewing deep in me and sometimes it just hits like a train. All at once just throws me into a deep depression with this weird feeling like i am completely detached or already dead. No one has helped me with the grieving. I never had shoulder to cry on or anything so that has made me very cold and bitter and everything is just internalizing in me.
I wish that i had died with one of my friends and at this point i feel like that is the thing that would make me happiest is to die. No one would even be at my funeral. I am not kidding about that. The line "think about loved one" doesnt work because i have none. This realization is so hard my chest hurts just wondering if anyone wants to talk I think I need that or i will do nature a favor and just rid myself
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I’m that horrible girlfriend, and I’m so so sorry. I just broke up with you, and I know you hate me and will never see me, but I’d just like to say this: I’m so, SO sorry. I hate making this about me, but you seriously did nothing wrong. I tried to make something work so I could have a “normal” relationship, but I clearly am not normal.
I panicked when you needed me most with a death in the family. My anxiety set in and the urge to run that I had been trying to ignore came full swing. I had to get out. I needed to get out. So I ended things. By text. Less than a week after the funeral. I’m so sorry. I haven’t seen my therapist in months. I need to get help. But you’re very angry and hurt by this and I understand. I’m so sorry.
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self.offmychest
|
Nobody knows what to get me for my birthday because I have no interests or hobbies anymore.
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self.depression
|
The Stanford Prison Experiment I am watching the Stanford Prison Experiment on Netflix. It depicts an experiment that was administered by the Stanford University School of Psychology. It chronicles a cast of 24 college students who are split into two groups through a randomized selection process-- essentially, they flipped a coin. Group 1 assumed the role of the guards. Group 2 assumed the role of the prisoners. They were put in a confined space in the basement of a laboratory and monitored to see how power dynamics evolve in a prison system. The experiment was supposed to last for two weeks. It was stopped on the sixth day due to the extreme mental duress that was experienced by the prisoners. It is a fascinating breakdown of social constructs of power and group psychology, but the thing that has caught my eye the most is how much anguish the prisoners went through, even though they knew it was an experiment.
When the experiment first begins, the prisoners have a joking attitude about it. “The guards are playing a role. This is a simulated scenario.” However, once the guards start ratcheting up their oppressive actions, that understanding of reality, (that this is an experiment and that it will end), fades and is essentially replaced with a distorted realization that this is “real” and it may never end.
I have numerous “cognitive distortions” that I battle on a daily basis. For example, I may have anxiety about going to a party without having a clue about how it is going to turn out. This anxiety has ruined many of my days, but 9 times out of 10, I still have a good time. Yet, I continue to have the distortion. That cognitive distortion category is called Fortune-Telling. Another example of a cognitive distortion is that, say, I tell myself that I am not a good father. This distortion falls into the category of All or Nothing Thinking. There are certainly things that I can improve on as a father, but there are also a lot of things that I do well.
Hopefully you get the picture. Going through this exercise can be helpful when I drift into a mood where these distortions are more frequent and vivid.
The thought that struck me as I am watching this movie though, is that my cognitive distortions are very similar to the guards, and my mood is very similar to the prisoners. There are definite parallels. When cognitive distortions start to appear, my first thought is to laugh them away. “That is so absurd. Obviously Fortune-Telling.” However, as the distortions start coming faster and become more vivid, my mood deteriorates rapidly. Even though I can categorize and rebut these cognitive distortions with logic, my mood is still beat to shit. When it gets really bad though, I start to think that my distortions are my reality. There is no experiment. This is real life.
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self.bipolar
|
Heart rate anxiety, reassurance? This is probably my biggest aspect of heath anxiety. On a bad day I'm constantly checking my heart rate to the tenth second and then multiplying by 6 to get an accurate reading. When it gets high I freak out, when it gets low I freak out. I just want someone to look at my rates and tell me everything is normal. So out of therapy or whatever that's what I'm going to do. Thanks in advance if you want to give insight, i just need reassurance.
I'm 22, male, 225 pounds (considered obese but I am losing weight), live a pretty sedentary lifestyle, not really very active, but I do try to go on walks every now and then and I spend most my time outside on my computer.
**Laying down**: 48 - 60bpm (it lowers as i slowly start to nod off)
**Sitting**: 60 - 72bmp (again depending on how relaxed I am)
**Standing**: 72 - 84bmp (I always feel like this is the biggest jump that worries me)
**light Moving around**: 84 - 102bmp
Now I feel like my heart rate is just all over the place and that is the source of one anxiety, I guess I just kinda want it to be more 'fixed'. But something that DOES scare me into a lil panic is when I eat either a large meal, or something heavy in carbs, or something spicy: after I eat something like that my heart rate will go up almost *30bpm!!!!!*
Meaning If I'm sitting down, what normally would be 60 - 72, could turn into 90 - 102. TACHYCARDIA. Now it does go away after an hour or sometimes 2 hours, but still I panic and usually afterwards for the rest of the day I'm spent checking my pulse.
Any opinions? does this seem normal? Technically I'm hardly ever in tachycardia and I'm told thats a good thing, but when I am (that 102bpm really got to me) I'm just so scared.
Please tell me how silly I am.
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self.Anxiety
|
My cattle are my life and it just seems like one bad thing is happening after another [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
My mother told me over the phone that I'm a rotten kid. And she's right.
|
self.depression
|
What's the point in life when you've never had anyone to share it with? I'm lonely. I have no friends, no family and no girlfriend. I've never had friends, family or a girlfriend. I've always been alone. All I've ever had is coworkers, fellow students and care givers. I fear that since I missed out on all of that that I will never have anyone in my life. I don't know what the issue is but I seem to lack the social skills to find someone. I keep getting close but it never works out. There is always something that happens and usually it's beyond my comprehension that just causes everything to end abruptly. I hate volunteering, I hate working, I hate waking up everyday. I just want to die now. I don't see things ever being any different. The only people that do show up in my life want something. I don't care about me. All they do is tell me all about themselves and when I reciprocate with about me they tune me out. This is a horrible world. It's never been fun. I've never been happy. Everywhere I've ever went I've been alone doing it. It's always sucked. I don't even want anything other than just someone to share my life with. I can't wake up tomorrow alone again. I don't want to be in this world anymore.
Please make life stop.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Just locked (hid) myself in the bathroom and cried for 30min For no damn reason at all.
WTF depression? I hate depression...
|
self.depression
|
Been feeling shitty for a while about a girl i liked. On the verge of tears at least once a day but nothing comes out. Feel like letting it all out will help but I can’t. Any suggestions? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
12 days away I’m 12 days away from the date I set. I set this date years ago to decide on if I was going to kill my self. This is quite scary for me. But I wanted to let everyone on this sub know that I thank you for being a source that I could turn too in the bad times even when it was just me reading
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self.SuicideWatch
|
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