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My depression and mood swings are destroying my LDR. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Am I the only one when in social situations even around friends I just want to go home? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Anyone else hate people romanticizing mental illness I hate seeing casual jokes about suicide, or depression, or anxiety, or OCD from subs like me_irl. It's really serious and I feel like people fake having mental illness just for fake ass internet points. I especially hate when people say things like "omg I'm so bipolar lol xddd". Meanwhile I'm over here actually suffering from diagnosed bipolar disorder. The same disorder that led me to an actual suicide attempt.
Sorry I know this post is kind of negative, but it's something that's been weighing on my mind recently. It's not my intention to downplay anyone's ACTUAL anxiety or mental illness. I just hate the whoring out mental illness for likes. Everyone gets anxious sometimes, and everyone gets sad, doesn't fucking mean you have disorders. Sorry I just had to vent.
I hope everyone is doing well :) best wishes from NYC
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self.Anxiety
|
Tried to swim just to stay float I tried I really did but my emotions always seem to come back. My mom has told me that these are just "fake emotions" and if I press them down I wont even feel them. The problem is im not really sure what emotion is anymore. I hate my mom for trying to help me with shitty advise that just makes me feel worse.
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self.depression
|
Managing your emotions at work? Does anyone have any tips on how to successfully manage your emotions at work?
I started a new job 4 months ago but am struggling with stress induced anxiety as they expect me to perform at the same level as the previous emoloyee without providing training. I literally have no idea what I'm doing and the fear of losing my income is causing great anxiety.
I'm on edge constantly and feel irritable and snappy. I don't want to behave this way so am looking for tips to avoid behaving how I feel.
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self.Anxiety
|
FUCK ANXIETY I hate my anxiety and no one gets it! Except for my therapist, thank God for her. It gets in the way of everything and I’m just so over it. I feel like I and crazy and losing my mind
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self.Anxiety
|
Stomach pain with Lamotrigine/lamictal I've been taking lamotrigine 200mg pm dose for a while now and it's been working well. Just wondering if anybody else has dealt with similar stomach pain issues below.
Sorry for the wall of text, hopefully it makes sense.
Over the last few months I've been getting really intense stomach pain and bloating which lasts 4-6 hours, it leaves my spine aching and stomach muscles exhausted. I get it roughly 30% of the time and basically just writhe around in pain on those nights, my dosage of lamotrigine seems to kick it off.
It hit me in the morning 3 weeks ago and my manager told me to finish work for the day to see a GP. There were no appointments at my clinic due to an emergency but they gave an urgent referral to another one nearby.
I saw the most useless and disinterested doctor, they barely asked any follow up questions at all and gave a script for stomach acid after 3 minutes. I just sat there looking stunned for a few seconds before questioning him. He added some cramp / pain relief to the script and said he can't do anything further until I've run the 60 day course of pills.
I just came out of a painful bout this morning which lasted from midnight to 7am. The pills didn't work so after an hour i forced myself to vomit which gave enough relief to sleep for an hour before the pain came back.
I'm lying in bed exhausted right now and won't be able to see a doctor for a few weeks. Has anyone else had this issue?
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self.bipolar
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Is it not right to live for your own happiness? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I need sympathy and no one gives a shit [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I found a really weird strategy for dealing with my severe anxiety ..laughing at it. Or making light of it.
It sounds really stupid probably, but it helps me to talk about it out loud and sort of joke about it.
I've had an extremely anxious day and I've been walking around talking about "my chakras" outloud and how I'm trying to center them. lol
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self.Anxiety
|
A patient shot himself today. I'm a med student... starting the ER part of my IM core. And I dont think I want to do the ER bit anymore.
He wasn’t at the hospital because he shot himself. He was staying for a bit because he had sickle cell and was going through another pain crisis. At least that’s what the nurses said.
Nurse gave him morphine. She left the room. Few minutes later, the patient next door heard the pop. He called for help. They called code blue.
My attending and I got there thinking it was just a patient crashing. We didnt realize that the patient killed himself. The nurse stopped us from the hallway. She said the patient had a gun, shot himself, but was possibly still breathing, and security was trying to remove the gun from him. But the Doc went anyway. I guess he knew they were mistaken.
The smell in the room was so.. distinct. Like… if someone filled a big firecracker with dirt. He was still dripping. Just lying in his own blood in bed. Looking up at the ceiling with his mouth wide open.. A hole on both sides of his head. With his hand still propped up toward his head, as if still holding his weapon. But security removed it. No blood on the wall though… Maybe the curtain caught it. I dont know. Maybe the caliber of the gun was too small.
After what was said in done.. and after the initial shock… my attending phys wasnt so upset about the patient anymore. He was upset about the gun, and how he got one in the hospital. And how he wanted fire arms screening for all patients. And he was right. Under a different situation, he could have hurt other people before deciding to hurt himself.
It was so small, it looked like a toy. the muzzle was about the size of my two fingers taped together.
…that image of him is still burned in my mind.
Its not the same as seeing it in a movie. Or even seeing a death on a computer screen, which i've made an effort to avoid.
I’ve HANDLED the dead before. First semester, anatomy lab. But the cadavers were those who died from disease, who donated their bodies to science. They were long dead.
This is just too… fresh. No, thats a bad word to use. This was too… sudden. And violent. And unnecessary. And sad.. Sad not only because someone died, but because I get depressive episodes. I've called the hotline a couple times. But I had friends to help me through it. Did he? Was he ever screened for depression at the hospital? Did he even give a hint about what he was going through?
..Doc gave his statement to police, explaining that he was pronounced dead. We went back to the ER, and finished the day.
…and this was my first day at the ER.
Now I find myself asking, if I had met him, and he was my patient… would I have been able to tell? To intervene? Maybe, maybe not. Idk.
..and the other doctors just acted normal. But they are ER doctors... they are probably used to death.
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self.offmychest
|
So the love of my life, who I thought killed herself a year and a half ago, is still alive, well and has blocked me since I tried contacting her for the first time in months. i mean fuck idk what you want me to say after that
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Fallout I just had a fallout with a sibling. She's 10 years older than me and we've lived apart for a long time until I moved in with her last year. Coincidentally, it happened just a few months after I'd started a treatment for a heavy depression that went undiagnosed for years for many reasons, most of all denying PTSD symptoms.
Long story short, I am moving away again in a couple of days and today has been very stressful due to my getting ready for this. Started packing too late, couldn't bring myself to get a lot of shit done in time, the usual stuff. Then came an anxiety attack. I know how to deal with those but it's still not easy. A work in progress, as everyone is. Hoping to get a bit of support, I started talking with her when she got home. Thought it would be best to be honest, to let her know of my shortcomings and failures and the reasons for my breaking down and that even though it wasn't going according to plan, I was still going to do everything in my power to reach a favourable outcome.
The outcome wasn't favourable. I always knew she had a very short fuse but didn't think things could get this bad, this fast. I got a very generous serving of dooming speech, hovering somewhere between "yeah yeah crying is getting old" and "if you don't do something about your laziness you'll never amount to anything" with the usual side of "I don't get why you don't just DECIDE to get better". The situation escalated in various ways and we haven't spoken since.
I am angry at myself for letting things get this far, angry at her for never trying to listen or understand, desperate to ever get better and genuinely terrified that something just broke between us that can never be fixed. I don't want to lose her, yet it feels like I already have. All of this just happened an hour ago so I know the feelings are still raw but I don't think things can ever be okay again. Moments like these make me feel like I can never be okay, period. And I'm trying so, so hard to not listen to that voice right now.
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self.depression
|
2003-2017 Im sick of everything, nobody wants to help me anymore. Everybody hates me and i have no more will to live. I will hang myself with my shoelaces or belt maybe, and hope for the best.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't eat. The last 6 months or so i just don't eat right. I used to at least eat a granola bar for breakfast and if I didn't I would eat a snack. Now I don't even eat until lunch. Lunch is normally pretty unhealthy, and if I don't even feel like eating ill at least get a herbalife shake cause it has protein and some vitamins as far as I know. Dinner is hit or miss depending on how bad I'm feeling.
Even when I'm not having a bad day, I just don't eat. I don't know how to get out of this and I'm sure it's affecting my health.
|
self.Anxiety
|
How am I supposed to commemorate Christmas? So my parents are pretty much obligating me to go and commemorate Christmas with my family.
How am I supposed to do that, if I want to kill myself? Am I supposed to pretend that nothing is wrong? That I am not misarable? I can't laugh it out ffs.
Christmas just became a reminder of better times. A time that people gather around to share their happiness with others. But I am not happy. I don't have anything to share. For me it feels like a big theater play, in which, for one night, I am being obligated to fake my happiness.
Fuck that.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Need advice. So here is whats up with me i am overvaluing the life of a 10 year old girl i dont know on the internet and devaluing my life. That means i think someones life on the YouTube comment section is better than mine and this makes me feel like my life is shit and that makes me sad.I know what you are going to think but i think im slowly developing depression thanks to this and i dont wanna be sad on my birthday How do i stop thinking like this? How do i stop thinking about this situation?
The weird part is i only saw this comment on a youtube video so that means i have no perspective whatsoever on this persons life.
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self.depression
|
Im supposed to be studying But I write this test tomorrow and I feel like Im missing so much information. I can't get myself to study, I don't know why I should but I dont want to get bad grades. Im not in danger of failing my class at all but if I would I would either seek help or kill myself. Not that thats a thing of the present. Right now I just need to study. But I can't. Ever since I really started feeling how sad empty and unmotivated I actually am I have barely studied properly for any test. Most went alright, but I hate it. I wish I had someone to talk to right now. My mom asked me earlier why I was in such a bad mood today which seem kind of ironic considering the fact that I felt way worse yesterday crying my eyes out in the middle of the night. I feel like a fucking attention whore. No wonder I don't have any real friends.
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self.depression
|
I love my friend, but he is moving school I am gay and haven't told anyone. I love this person in school, but he is moving and wont be coming back. I am thinking of telling him I loved him have done for some time on Friday next week (his last day with me). what can I do?
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self.offmychest
|
I’m losing hope in I can’t say I struggled with depression at all in my early years, or even through my first years of college. I think my first encounter with depression is when I met my now fiancé who has prescribed medicine for her depression and bi-polar. She explained she had a hard time holding relationships because her illness gets in the way whether it be not wanting to get out of bed or being in a manic state with her bi-polar. I wasn’t sure how to take that at first, but to keep a long relationship story short I fell in love with her. Over the years I’ve done my best to support her, and I think I’ve done a good job. But to get to my point idk if I can anymore because I’m struggling with keeping myself happy.
For the first time I can admit I think I’m depressed. I dropped out of school because financially I can’t go back. It has put me into an enormous amount of debt I don’t think I can repay. I wanted to be a software engineer and had a few internships that I did very well at. But I can never get a degree because math kills me. I’ve spent hours with tutors, and TA’s at the school and I just can’t do it. So I didn’t re-enroll. That was three years ago. That’s when the depression started is when I realized I can never be what I want. I was jobless for about a year struggling to pay back loans private and federal. I finally found a job working as a fundraising assistant at a local non-profit. It was pretty low paying and not very skilled work but at least it was a job. A year went by there and the depression just kept getting worse between being in debt and having to take care of my fiancé whose depression is worse than mine. I was keeping it a secret because I didn’t want her to worry about me. She needs to take care of herself. Then over that summer my fiancé was drugged and raped by a then friend while I was at work. This caused her to go into a deep depression and attempt suicide. She spent some time at a hospital where only family had contact with her, and I was technically not family so I could not talk to her or see her for three weeks. This killed me. I feel it was my fault. He was my friend. I let him into the house because he needed a place to stay. She suffered because of my choices and I just couldn’t bare the thought that I did that. I know she had/has it worse so I shouldn’t be complaining. But it’s been eating me away.
Fast forward a few months and she is recovering and work is for once going well. I got a raise and the new boss put me in charge of the silent auction for our gala. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to work. I felt like I was making a difference and a little bit of a humble brag but I made it look good. We got some really good donations and we raised more in the silent auction than we ever had in past years gala’s. For once I forgot about everything and I was feeling happy again. It was refreshing. That was very shorted lived. My fiancé has some pretty bad ptsd and it took me hours and hours to calm her down after an episode. That’s when I realized idk if I can take care of her. Financially or mentally and it hurts me so much to say it but she deserves better. She such a kind hearted person that deserves much more than I can offer. This realization hurts me so much.
Today while I was sitting at work I was trying to figure out what to do. It was the first time I wished I wasn’t here so she could find someone else. Idk if I could ever kill myself but if there was an opportunity to endanger myself I might do it. She could move on to someone who could take care of her the way that she deserves.
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self.depression
|
I can't do this anymore No-one cares.
I thought I had friends in this world...but I don't.
Goodbye
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Honey, am I going hypo???? So today I did an hour long workout with my personal trainer (ie-best friend), made homemade foundation makeup from beeswax, shea butter, cocoa butter, zinc oxide, and cocoa powder/turmeric for color, my own powder makeup from the same dry ingredients, grapeseed oil and frankincense makeup remover, and was going to enjoy a nice turmeric latte made from a bit of the lb of turmeric I now have. I’ll be making my own deodorant and mascara this wknd as I have bulk quantities of all ingredients above. Anybody need some??
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self.bipolar
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Manic Stress Reaction Recently, I ended up in the ER after being awake for 72 hours when I began to believe I was exhibiting symptoms of stroke.
My symptoms of (hypo?)mania:
I spent about $400 in about 36 hours, which is very uncharacteristic for me.
I wanted to be 'out', so I went to the mall when the building was open but none of the stores were and just paced around for about 2 hours at much brisker pace than I would consider usual.
I didn't feel tired, and while I knew I should sleep, I'm usually too depressed to do even the bare minimum required of me and I felt like even laying down and trying to go to sleep would be a waste of what I considered a positive productive energy.
At the ER I was given Ativan, had an MRI(just to reassure me that I was definitely not having a stroke), consulted with a social worker about some of the traumatic stress I had been dealing with, and was out of there in 6 or so hours, with a final diagnosis of stress reaction. I agree with that diagnosis, given that the first day awake I was extremely stressed about school, then received some extremely stressful news regarding a past traumatic experience from people close to me.
I'm being treated for PTSD, and MDD with Effexor, Wellbutrin, and trazodone to regulate sleep.
Following my stress reaction, I've not met with my psychiatrist, but I will be next week. In the meantime, I wanted to gain some perspective on bipolar intensity.
I really do not feel like I have an unstable mood. If I do experience hypomania, it does not manifest in an outgoing personality or in increased productivity. I do go through phases of burnout and extreme time commitment to a thing I enjoy though. For instance, I'll spend a weeks/months playing video games 4 to 8+ hours a day, followed by periods of anhedonia, in which I can't find pleasure in any kind of game or activity that I typically find pleasurable.
I am unreasonably irritated by very small things, like speech patterns, and last out inappropriately over to small irritations.
Other than these though, I don't feel like my symptoms are indicative of bipolar disorder, and it feels like too few symptoms to go on. Perhaps I've artificially inflated the severity of bipolar disorder in my head due to dramatizations of the disorder, and don't feel my symptoms are appropriately severe?
But my sort of manic stress reaction feels like it could be a more dramatic manifestation of manic symptoms that I might usually experience.
This subreddit introduced me to the existence of mixed state bipolar disorder, which seems more relatable to my experiences.
I'd like to know more about the severity and variability of bipolar disorder. Is there a mild, moderate, severe scale of bipolar disorder in which those symptoms are easily mistaken for something else? Is the kind of manic stress reaction typical in people with bipolar disorder?
I'm mainly just looking to hear some other perspectives on the variability of bipolar disorder while I wait for my psych appt.
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self.bipolar
|
I feel like no one will ever love me romantically. So, I'm 16 and I've been feeling really bad these days. I never had a relationship in the past, I never held hands with a girl, nor kissed one. In fact, I don't think anyone ever thought I was slightly attractive. I'm underconfident, shy, ugly and I really feel like I'm going to die alone and sad. It's not like I never tried, I tried to get with one in the beginning of the year, we had a date and all, but things didn't work out. So now I'm feeling even worse than before.
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self.depression
|
It feels like everyone has a fantastic life but me [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Can hypomania come back after only a month of stability? For most of last month, I was hypomanic. I came back down to stable after a med change sometime around the 21st, and I've been stable ever since.
One month later, I'm starting to feel that same restless positive energy feeling that precipitated that hypomanic episode last month.
I guess my question is should I be worried about it coming back? Is it even possible for hypomania to be back this soon?
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self.bipolar
|
I have a problem with these kind of people I don't know how to feel anymore, anxiety is taking over for me now. About 8 months ago I had an online friend of mine just randomly send me inappropriate pictures and videos consisting of people taking advantage of their dogs. I was terrified and for some reason I just kept looking the stuff up. It also consisted of several subreddits here and I could not believe all the stuff that showed up. It made me sad and it really hurt. Mans best friend- why would someone do all this to their pets? Not just dogs but also wolves, wild animals. I kind of gave up right there but I ended up deleting all of my accounts just in case and wiping the computer. The guy explained some time later in an email that he would have never done such and such to his own pets. A few weeks later it ramps up to the worst with being anxious and felling sad but it all went away in a second where I guess i accepted that I really can't do anything and that I can't keep thinking like that.
Fast forward to today where I noticed that most of these subreddits are now banned except for one, judging by the name a specific one for having intercourse with wolves. These beautiful animals, how fucked up is this shit that someone somehow has the ability to do this. So it hurts again. Why am I not able to ignore this one and stop thinking about all this stuff? I am able to with everything else but not wolves? Nothing seems to help anymore. I keep hugging my own dog and hoping it will all be over sooner then last time.
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self.offmychest
|
I hate that I love you You told me what we had was special, you told me the connection and chemistry was real. You know how I'm like as a person, you know my history and everything I've been through.
I gave you support as best as I could, I made sacrifices for you including my sanity but again and again you hurt me with your actions and lies. Empty promises unfulfilled timeline.
I loved you more than anyone did, the words you've said or thrown at me cuts like a blade. You've shattered my heart again and again and now it's beyond salvage.
Even till now I worry for you, even till now I still believe. The person I fell for is still there within but it seems like you have no intention to wake that part of you up.
Regardless of situation, I have always been understanding and forgiving towards you but it seems like all I am to you right now is just a doormat. Convenience.
Even when the world doubt you, I believed in you. Even when people judged or hurl stuff at you, I stood by and protected you. But why.. Why would you hurt that one person who love and gives unconditionally, that one person who would always believe in you regardless.
You disappointed me and you're a disappointment to yourself. Yet even at this point, I can't bring myself to hate you. The only person I hate is myself for loving you this much. There's a huge part of me that's lost and will never be back. You've destroyed 'trust' and 'love' in my world and I'm left to pick up the mess..
Yet after all the pain.. I still love you.
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self.offmychest
|
2 stories I need off my chest. I THINK I have bad luck with women. Why?
Because each time I finally TALK to them (Aspergers) they leave,
This has happened multiple times in my past (Long term)
First in my childhood I would get dirty with a female friend of mine, no sex just heavy petting (is that the right word? Heavy Petting?) anyways some time after that they moved to another state.
Was I in the wrong for following my feelings?
The other time was when I talked to a girl at school, I FINALLY talked to her and she ended up leaving the country/state whatever (cannot remember)
what is it about things happening again, is it because of the 'cycle of life' thing?
Anyways the next story was about my neighbor (at the time) he might have abused me I cannot remember succintly, there was this "game" we played and as usual I would go home and cry about it.
is there a way of knowing that youve been abused? any signs? and conditions?
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self.offmychest
|
Drinking and lithium? Hi, this is my first post here but I've been lurking for a while. The other night I went out with some friends and I had three mixed drinks. I'm on lithium so my tolerance is shit but this was a new low, I blacked out, called people drunkenly and sent indecipherable drunk texts to my boyfriend. Somehow I got home (I walked apparently!) and woke up in the morning in my clothes. Has this kind of thing happened to anyone before? Im scared to drink at all now because I don't know how much is too much. I've been able to drink more on lithium before so I'm surprised this happened. Thanks!!
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self.bipolar
|
Does Jetlag affect your anxiety Im going on a trip for the first time , to a far destination.
Was wondering how jetlag affects you, if it comparible with sleep depreviation.
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self.Anxiety
|
I can't do this med thing anymore Honestly every day I continue to take these meds I feel like my bodily autonomy has been violated. I didn't want to take them in the first place, but my psychiatrist during hospitalization basically coerced my into it. Now I can't get off and my current psychiatrist is totally unresponsive to my concerns. I just hate that medication is the first response, when I would have liked to try other alternatives (like not getting high during a manic phase and/ or meditation). Now I'm considering taking matters into my own hands, but I know that's super dangerous. I just can't take this feeling of violation anymore.
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self.bipolar
|
I'm trying to get back on the road to success [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Question about what this would be For a while I’ve had panic attack paired with depression but not much on going anxiety. Recently a bad event happened and my anxiety has skyrocketed and I think about the even multiple times a day and has led to a lot of cutting and panic attacks. Would this just be ordinary anxiety or something else?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel empty. I have been feeling disillusioned with life for the longest time. I’ve worked hard, graduated uni with top honors just to realise I hated my course and wasted my time studying, never exploring to find myself.
My mom expects so much of me. I hate it... my parents were never there for me emotionally when I grew up. Although I know now not to blame them, I’m an emotional wreck. I don’t have close friends even though I try. I can’t maintain a relationship. I hate my job. I get anxious and guilty when I don’t do anything. I don’t know what I want in life, I live only not to disappoint others.
I organise get togethers with different groups of friends every so often. But they don’t organise anything when I don’t. I call to ask about their lives but they don’t do the same for me.
After I broke up with my girlfriend last Dec, things have taken a toll for the worst. I keep tearing up at the slightest things. Every time I catch myself overthinking or feeling sorry for myself, I snap out of it. But I feel so empty. I feel so alone. Typing this, I feel like crying again because I don’t know what to do.
I’m going for therapy. The therapist says that my life is going alright, I just need to not be so hard on myself. I can’t help it. I can’t shake the feeling. The life I’ve pictured in my head for the longest time as I grew up constantly working hard, not caring about bullies. I kept telling myself it’s just for now because it too will pass. But now I’m an adult, I feel more alone than ever. I feel scared. I feel empty inside. Life is so much effort..
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self.depression
|
I sung in front of a crowd for the first time tonight I’m at a resort with my friends and their parents (I’m 17). So it’s just us and my friends and the bar crowd at this disco area in the resort and my friend pushes me to sing karaoke with him in front of an audience.
It was fucking awful
My voice was already raspy , yet I was somehow expected to carry the song. Everyone was laughing at us as. We heard from our friends in the crowd how much everyone was roasting us and it was terrible. It was fucking terrible and I feel terrible.
My friends don’t think it’s that big of a deal and told me “not to worry it’s whatever”. They even want to try again tomorrow.
I feel like I’m crazy but no one is acknowledging just how embarrassing it was for me and how truly crippling social anxiety is when you’re in front of a large audience while everyone is laughing at your failure.
I honestly want to kill my friends or myself at this point. Not actually but I’m just super pissed and disappointed and embarrassed. No one takes this serious but me and it’s annoying because everyone just brushes it off and actually shares it to others.
It’s just even worse when my friend choked throughout the whole song and I basically had to do 80 percent of a song I barely knew , with my already raspy voice and my anxiety in general. It was just disaster. Pure disaster.
I just want to disappear honestly. Not even die or yell or anything. Just disappear. Pretend I don’t exist. Turn into a wall and never come out.
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self.Anxiety
|
Coming off sSRIs - side effects? Hey all,
I'm currently tapering off my Escitalopram and have found I'm feeling a bit shaky and keep getting these sort of 'zaps'.
The best way to describe the sensation is that it's like when you're lying in bed about to sleep and suddenly imagine falling and your body jerks? Feels like that but with no warning.
Does anyone know if this symptom could be related to tapering off? Or should I go to the doctors?
I'm a hypochondriac and don't want to take time off work for an appointment if this is normal but wasn't warned about it.
Thanks!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Currently off meds for 11 more days since I was allergic to the last one but now my emotions and moods and life are all over the place [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Just waiting to die I'm not actually living, I'm just on auto pilot going through the motions in this shitty life, I feel like I'm just waiting to die. I wake up in the morning anxiously waiting for night to come so I can leave this shit reality, then, the cycle repeats.
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self.depression
|
I don’t want to give up I know that inside there’s still much more to give. I feel like I haven’t given anything. I was born with turbulent emotions. And then I was labeled “Sick” and I’ve been sick and I’ve never been me.
I have fallen in love with this world. In spectacular buildings, in foreign countries. On sleds, and cars, at weddings and funerals, camping, hiking, cooking, on and on for three decades.
And I really don’t want to give up.
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self.bipolar
|
My memory is garbage, and it hurts to live. I can’t deal with my anxiety anymore and I’ve tried everything
* Meditation
* Light therapy, melatonin
* CBT
* Desensitization
*probably something else who knows
I have no anxiety meds for attacks because the doc is afraid is abuse them, fair point. I can no longer function in an environment that requires me to work/study 8-10 hours a day.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Sleep Aid / SSRI Hello! I've been meaning to ask this:
I have been on zoloft for about a week now, and before this I was taking about 200mg of 5HTP a day. I have been told I can't take 5HTP and Zoloft together because of Seratonin Syndrome.
I have a sleep aid that I have taken, called Super Sleep. It is three things, 100mg of LTheanine, 15mg of 5HTP, and 1.5mg of Melatonin. This is taken per capsule, and I take 2 at night, or used to.
Is this okay to take? The dose of 5HTP is so low that I don't want to call my doctor to make an appointment and ask about it. It usually takes an hour / hour and a half to get in and about 2 weeks to get an appointment.
Thanks in advance for any help!
I posted this too but looking to take one tonight!
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self.Anxiety
|
Really got nothing left to give For the last couple of years I've had difficulty caring about anything at all for more than a few days. I had a girlfriend who was basically my shelter from the downpour of depression that follows me around but she broke up with me a couple of months ago.
I had to withdraw from uni for a year before that because of depression which drained my motivation and my doctor gave me pills and forwarded me to a counsellor who actually really helped, but after I got out of the relationship I just stopped caring about that.
My luck is so bad that my friends always joke about how I'm cursed, everything bad that could possibly happen happens to me.
Also being dead must be easy because you're literally incapable of regret and that sounds like paradise to me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I dont see the point anymore. I am tired. Physically tired yes; but im talking about mentally tired. The tired that cripples me and captures me. I am tired of being ignored. I am tired of being a burden of making others lives shit.
Every day i wake up, go to college, come home and sleep. Nothong special happens. Noone special talks to me. Infact, noone talks to me i hate the jeers and comments that happen so blatantly audible and the way people destroy my mind with a single word.
Every day i am reluctant to wake up or complete my next activity as i know that it just puts me one steo closer to thatllr moment when i have to see my parents again or when i have to talk to somebody again. I hate my walk home, the way i have so little to do and so much time to reflect on my how bad each day goes or how i wish i had the confidence to end things.
I dont even know why im posting here, maybe it is in the hope that a meaningful reply might change my thoughts. Maybe it is goodbye or it could just be because of my fall in resilience and lack of motication. It could just be the fact that i am no longer able to find the sweet release of pain that i used to get from punishing myself for everything i do wrong. I dont know but i figured this was my last resort.
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self.depression
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Glimpse of my thoughts Long time lurker, first time poster.
I apologize in advance for 1) the wall of text that you may or may not read (worry not dear redditor, there is a tl;dr at the end of this post) and 2) for posting this in the wrong subreddit. I felt like letting others know what I am thinking and what better place to hear what others think than the internet- anonymity ftw.
I am 22 years old.
In 2013, I was diagnosed with MDD (major depressive disorder).
I also have self-diagnosed social anxiety/antisocial personality disorder.
I joined the military in 2015.
I've been in a destructive state of mind as of late.
I am dissatisfied with the state of society. I am constantly angry at people. In fact, if I'm being honest, I hate people. And hate is a strong word, but I feel as though the word "dislike" is an underrepresentation of how I actually feel.
I think that my hatred of people is one of, if not the reason why I am lonely, in spite of having a set of friends that I consider close.
This is where the social anxiety part also comes into play.
I don't go out of my way to socialize with anybody. In fact, the way I acquire my friendships is because people talk to me first and I decide to oblige to their inherent sociability.
But, my social ineptitude doesn't just stop there. I have been single all of my life and have yet to experience what it is like to be in a relationship with a woman, let alone experience sex with someone I love.
When it comes to women that I am attracted to, I end up admiring their beauty from afar and fall prey to the dark recesses of my imagination.
It scares me.
I'm afraid that, should this streak of loneliness, misery, lack of physical touch, etc. continue, I will develop an aversion to love and will become inadvertently conditioned to avoid anything involving romance, intimacy, sex, etc. Such things are already occurring and I am frightened of what will develop in the future.
I have a theory: I am afraid to talk to women and become intimate with a woman because of my masculinity or lack thereof.
I am not a man in the traditional sense. I wear things and doing things that would be considered gay and/or may cause others to label me as a cross dresser/transvestite, all of of which I am not.
It seems that society is not accepting of such behavior from a straight male, let alone women (and I don't mean to offend anyone when I say that; just going off of semi-irrational fears).
Anyway, because of my military obligation (I joined because I dropped out college after two months and I needed money), I am stuck in the middle of nowhere, in a somewhat more conservative part of the state and the closest town that has anything remotely of interest is an hour away (I know that doesn't sound like much, but, when all is said and done, you're talking about 1 hour to and 1 hour back- quite a bit of gas, just saying).
Because of all of what I have described above, I somewhat half-heartedly committed to passive-aggressively shortening my lifespan by vaping, indulging in an unhealthy diet, not exercising, etc.
But, I digress. I know someone will undoubtedly say something along the lines of "get over it" or "you're too young to be complaining about such things", but I stopped caring about that stuff a long time ago.
Again, sorry for the long post, but I wanted to post this in attempts to quell my loneliness. I'm just tired of being around people who don't/can't understand what I am dealing with. Hopefully someone here understands.
Tl;dr: I'm a depressed and lonely 22yo male with social anxiety who hates people and feels as though society frowns upon my sexual non-conformity (because sex-negative America).
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self.depression
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Sometimes after I talk I wonder why the hell I just said anything at all. I feel as if nobody is truly listening and what I said was stupid. I'm not talking about me crying out for help or anything. Just in general.
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self.bipolar
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Has anyone else's depression/social anxiety gotten so bad that you can't even ask for ketchup Or anything like that. Asking for directions, talking in class, etc. My mind just tells me "it'll be easier this way don't make a fool out of yourself and walk away."
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self.depression
|
Doc thinks I'm Bipolar 2... I'm not so sure Hello everyone!
First off, I want to say that I know this sub is not a place to ask for medical advice. That being said, I would really appreciate y'alls *non-professional* insights into my situation.
I'm a 31 year old female. I recently began seeing a new psychiatrist who wants to diagnose me with Bipolar type II and prescribe me Lamictal. I however, am not so sure. I'm suspicious of psych meds and Lamictal has a pretty strong side effect profile. I do have a history of mental health issues, which I will attempt to summarize here as briefly as I can, in chronological order. I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and give their opinion.
**TL;DR** - Aged 31, diagnosed ADD, GAD, and clinical depression since middle school. New shrink thinks I may be bipolar 2 because I started having depression very young, I seem to have had "mixed state" reactions to all anti-depressants, and I have a family history of bipolar disorder.
*age 0-11:*
- showed many "classic ADHD" signs such as hyperactivity, talking too much, inability to follow instructions, forgetfulness, daydreaming, poor social skills, no intelligence problems.
- I was a *really* anxious kid and did not adjust to school very well. I also had home life problems, which I think were driving a large part of the anxiety.
- I remember getting obsessed with stupid little kid projects I had going on, like trying to build a car out of stuff in my basement, or writing a book about outer space, and then suddenly in the middle of being "in the zone" and in an awesome mood I would shift to a feeling of pure emptiness, boredom, and hopelessness... a dull blackness of feeling that would become familiar to me later on as one kind of depression.
*age 10-12:*
- I have my first suicidal thoughts, they come on suddenly and intensely, like an obsession, I dwelled on the meaninglessness and brevity of life while fantasizing about shooting myself in the head and thinking concretely about how I could get a gun to do that. This feeling seemed to last for a long time, but there were occasional breaks where I would feel motivated again.
*age 12-13:*
- by now my parents have noticed that I seem depressed, and I'm doing really poorly in school. I get taken to a child/adolescent psychiatrist who diagnoses me with: ADD (non-hyperactive), Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Clinical Depression. I decide not to take meds, even though my parents are open to it and the doc thinks I should try ritalin.
*Ages 14-18:*
- I decide to try adderall (prescribed) for the first time at age 15 in the 9th grade. I take 5mg in homeroom and experience what maybe could be described as a manic episode - feeling like I could conquer the world, like nothing could bother me, like I could achieve everything and anything I wanted, etc (isn't this how adderall is supposed to make you feel though?). However the medication also quieted down my disruptiveness in class (talking, making jokes, fighting with other students, getting kicked out, etc) and made me feel less socially impulsive. I end up getting addicted to adderall to the point where I'm crushing it up and snorting it. After about a year I am able to quit by coming clean to my shrink and getting off the meds.
- I also begin drinking and smoking pot around here, especially after I quit adderall. I find weed especially appeals to me, and people around me start to tell me it looks like I am "self-medicating" with the weed. I agree, but I'm not sure which issue I'm medicating - anxiety, depression, inattention (weed often helps me focus, ironically, especially when combined with caffeine)? All 3?
- I remain depressed with poor grades, and end up dropping out of high school at age 17.
- life actually gets a little better after I drop out and get a full time job. I'm still depressed but not as bad. Smoking and/or drinking almost daily, but not always "to excess". I manage to do a few cool things around this age.
*age 19-24*
- at 19 I have some kind of mental breakdown watching the electric chair scene in The Green Mile. I was high from pot when I watched it. I've always had a huge fear of death, and I think that's what set it off. I became so afraid that I lost touch with reality it seemed. I was convinced I was re-experiencing the emotions of being born. After that day, I was consistently out of touch with reality for about 2 or 3 months, everyone just seemed dead already because the lifespan is so short, and I could barely do my job (which involved interacting with the public) because NOTHING felt real and I was consumed by emptiness.
- I snapped out of that mood one day in a matter of hours (less than 1 day) and suddenly become extremely happy because of the fact that I am alive and not dead. I remember how I felt that day and it literally was one of the best days of my life. I didn't really get depressed for about a year after that.
- at age 21 I begin a really positive relationship with someone that seemed to help me out a lot mentally even though I was definitely going through some minor depression and a lot of anxiety around this time. I'm still drinking and smoking daily, but not always to excess. I go back to school at community college.
- from 21-24 I do pretty well, with some "medium strength" depressions that I deal with by writing and recording music. I become very obsessed with writing music and sometimes experience the same feeling I had when I was a kid and in the middle of a motivating project and suddenly there's a giant pit in my stomach, I'm swimming in emptiness and everything is hopeless.
- I complete 2 years of community college and transfer to a 4 year school to study biochemistry. I become obsessed with science and doing well in school consumes my life. I battle a lot of anxiety and emotional ups and downs during this time, but I'm happy because I have a purpose and a goal (learning chemistry).
- at age 24 I break up with the guy I started dating at 21 and was in a good relationship with. The break up is mutual and we remained supportive friends.
*age 25-28*
- at age 25 I realize that I am gay/a lesbian. One the one hand, this was not a surprise because I was always a tomboy and other people often assumed I was gay. On the other hand, realizing I was gay was kind of abrupt - overnight, literally.
- still at age 25, I fell in love with a woman who did not return the feeling, and consequently went into a huge depression, even though I was trying my best to handle it like an adult and move on. Emotionally, I was kind of like a teenager when it came to handling rejection, because I had never really been in romantic and sexual love before.
- this depression was *really* bad. I was practically bed-ridden for 3 years, and by about 1.5 years in I would say it wasn't even about that girl anymore, it had just snowballed.
- I was very suicidal at this time with low self-worth and I isolated my self socially.
- I went to a school psychiatrist and was prescribed a bunch of anti-depressants, all of which caused me major nausea, insomnia, and what I would now describe as "mixed states" where I was extremely irritable, simultaneously wound-up and depressed, angry and sad at the same time... I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. I did a couple of out of character violent things around my girlfriend at that time like smashing plates during a stupid argument and punching the wall near her head over our bed.
- The medication that ended up working best for me was Wellbutrin.
- Around this time in my life I had decided that the main cause of all my problems is the drinking and (especially) the pot smoking, so my counseling revolved around quitting substances. I didn't have a lot of luck with quitting substances but I did go to an outpatient program that seemed to really help with reducing my usage a lot.
- At the end of that 3 month program, I was accepted into a research internship across the country (I'm almost done with undergrad at this time) and about 3 weeks into that program the depression finally lifts. I come home a totally changed person - my life is still in shambles, but I am no longer depressed, and it feels so good!
*ages 29-31/current:*
- I get accepted into grad school at the place I did the internship at.
- I continue to use more pot and alcohol than I would prefer, but less than what would cause me major problems. Pot is really the main substance I use.
- I continue to not be depressed, although anxiety is a big issue as well as minor "mood swings" where I will become depressed for days or hours at a time but not as bad as before and I snap out of it quicker. The weekends are always the worst - anytime where I don't have constant structure.
- I start grad school and it goes pretty well, even though my girlfriend at the time leaves me and my dog dies. I can definitely tell I am not in a depression by the fact that I handle this stuff pretty well.
- I decide to go to a psychiatrist for 4 reasons: 1) to see if there's anything I can do to prevent a depression happening again in the future. 2) to document my mental health issues formally/obtain a diagnosis in case I ever needed to take a medical leave of absence from grad school. 3) Because I was having a lot of anxiety and wanted to know my options regarding therapy and regarding klonopin (my ex had started giving me klonopin to calm me down, and it seemed to work with no side effects). 4) I wanted Adderall to help me with writing and reading for grad school.
- The therapist decides that I might have bipolar 2, and he bases it off everything I have told you here, with emphasis on: my reaction to anti-depressants, the fact that my depression started so young, the fact that my moods go up and down a lot, and a family history of bipolar and schizophrenia.
- Shrink wants to put me on Lamictal. I want Adderall and Klonopin. He reluctantly agrees but only a 3 week's prescription worth. He tells me frankly that he's worried I could have a manic episode on the adderall. I'm not worried about that because I know I'm not going to take it every day, I'm only going to take it a couple of days a week.
*last couple of weeks:*
- The first day I take Adderall (10mg IR) I feel fantastic, euphoric, etc. I take it twice more that week, spaced out, but the effect wears off quickly as I seem to already have a tolerance.
- The next week, I take 4 days off, then I take it again (15 mg) and this time it seems to make me really irritable and I feel like the dose is not high enough. I take a day off, and then a day on where I have to take a much higher dose (25 mg) because at the lower dose I felt angry, irritated, and like I was gonna snap at someone. Agitated would be the word.
- Then I take it the following day (25 mg) and on that day I do get some euphoria but also a lot of agitation. I begin to feel depressed that night, and I drink to reduce the agitation from the adderall.
- The next day (last monday) I am heavily depressed, can't focus, tired. I figure it's just the effects of coming off adderall but it lasts through thanksgiving and it's still here today (Sunday). I do feel better than before but I just can't focus on this shit that is due tomorrow and I feel very emotional. It's easy for me to tear up, everything feels either "touching" or sad. But I'll have short bursts (an hour-ish) where I can focus and do work. Then suddenly I can't focus again and I'm tired/emotional. I'm smoking a small amount of pot throughout the day, even though I keep telling myself I'll stop (~4 hits, 3x a day).
And that brings us up to the current moment. Thank you for your patience if you read all of that. **My question is:** Is what's going on with me normal? Does this sound like bipolar 2 or like something else? Is this just normal life shit and I'm getting caught up in the mental health system for no reason? Does it sound like pot could be causing all of this, or is the reason I can't quit pot because I'm using it to medicate my moods? Is there anyone else there with bipolar 2 whose story sounds like mine, or do I not fit the stereotype very well? And what about the Lamictal? Any opinions on that?
Thanks again!
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self.bipolar
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Would anyone care? Would anyone notice if I lifted my foot on the ledge of a highway bridge? Would anyone care? Would they all just drive past and leave me to make my choice, a good riddance statement? Care or not, I just want to fall off.
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self.SuicideWatch
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On the edge Overwhelmed at work and not getting enough sleep. I hate this routine and this life i live. Like i say in all my posts, lack of motivation for myself. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Constantly surrounded by this darkness in my mind and its eating away at me. I want love and loyalty. Is that to much to ask for from someone. Taking the easy way out seems like the only option to get rid of this pain .
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self.SuicideWatch
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I hate how what is normal and routine for most people is such a challenge for me. Getting out of bed, showering and brushing my teeth, saving money, doing homework, communicating with other people. I just wish I knew where and when it all started to go wrong. :(
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self.depression
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How do I stop my family from pitying me? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Can you give me reasons why I shouldn't kill myself? I can't think of any right now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety and trust issues Ever since I can remember I could never fully trust anyone. I grew up not having family just my single mom who worked her ass off but also dealt with her own demons. When I first realized my issues with trust I saw it as a good thing. This way I was always prepared for the worst to be let down and to be abandoned. Now as I’m getting older I’m beginning to regret allowing myself to have that mindset because now it seems impossible to change.
I am constantly worrying over every little detail of any minuscule or overwhelming problem I have. Now I think it’s affecting my relationships. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and we have had our fair share of ups and downs. I’ve forgiven him for mistakes made in the past and made the decision to stay and work through them. But I find that the past continues to haunt me whether I want it to or not. I have dreams of him cheating or past mistakes he’s made and it affects our relationship in real life because I’m constantly battling with these memories and fears. It’s not that I don’t trust him because I do and I made the choice myself to move on from the past. But I feel this wall that can’t be broken no matter how hard I try.
This goes with anyone I’m in a relationship with platonically or romantically. I get to a point and then I shut off. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense. My trust issues are not only making me miserable but there ruining my relationships and I feel completely hopeless. People say oh just trust them as if it’s that simple. I want nothing more in the world then to trust and love someone whole heartedly without holding back from fear or hesitation but no matter how hard I try there’s always a voice in the back of my head saying there gonna leave there gonna hurt you don’t let them in dis attach from them. I don’t really know the point of this. I guess to “get it off my chest”. But I’m hopeless and I’m beginning to give up on the idea of being normal and living a life without fear.
TL;DR Feeling hopeless because my trust issues and anxiety are taking over my life and I can’t stop it.
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self.offmychest
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I wonder what people would say about me after finding out I killed myself [deleted]
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self.depression
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Anxiety with an unfortunate/Embarrassing effect Throwaway here Male, 24.
Apologies if this is the wrong place to post this.
So recently I have been having a problem with anxiety, mainly performance anxiety when getting aroused. For some reason I just have this mental block, and intrusive thoughts that will just make me anxious and inevitably loose my erection. It is incredibly frustrating, and has been going on for months.
A little background. This isn't the first time I have struggled with anxiety. It has been present all my life, mostly coming in "lies" my mind will make up about myself, and me obsessing over it. For example, not too long ago I was just CONVINCED I contracted HIV from someone I slept with over 2 years ago just because a random thought popped into my head and, despite having 0 symptoms, or reason to believe this was logically true. I would have to go to the bathroom multiple times a day and check all over my body for symptoms. Eventually I got over it when I got an extensive blood test that I told the lab to throw in when I was having routine blood work.
At its peak was right before I went to college, I was smoking weed and had a major panic attack. For months after I was in a constant dissociated state where I felt I wasn't real and the things around me weren't either (re realization/ de personalization).
Now this anxious "thought" has entered my sexuality. I find my self getting anxious even when thinking getting intimate, even when taking care of myself, which many times will result in "loosing it". Making it extremely difficult to enjoy myself.
Whats even more annoying about it is, I was never one to be shy about being intimate and was always super comfortable with my sexuality, then one day a few months ago it felt as though a flip had switched and I have become super self conscious about the whole process. While I have always dealt with these "delusions" my mind will make up, this one has an obvious side effect that can be seen and felt, leading my anxious brain to believe that my paranoia is valid, and making this worse and wose.
Also, I am supposed to be meeting up with a girl on Friday, and we have talked in detail about being intimate. Normally, I would be super pumped that this is happening, but due to this I'm incredibly anxious and freaking the fuck out. I honestly don't know what is wrong with me and I just want to go back to being normal.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? It already pretty much ruined my relationship with a girl I was into before.
Sorry if this is rambly and a vulgar subject. Usually, I keep my anxiety to myself, but the stress from this has made me really depressed, irritable, and I have been closing myself off to everyone. I just needed to get this out there.
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self.Anxiety
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Struggling with Motivation I know I have things to do but I cant seem to stay motivated or focused enough to do anything but lay on my floor. Dont know what I expect from posting this, I just wanted to see my feelings put out there.
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self.depression
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The ending.. I’m 17 and I’m done with life. I have nothing more to offer on the table. Nothing interests me, or makes me excited in life anymore. I just want to leave now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Life has become so overwhelming, I’m just going to off myself. Between my anxiety and depression, being behind on bills, trying to figure out ways to take care of my family, not being allowed back in school due to my mental issues, feeling like a failure and feeling as if God doesn’t give a fuck about me, I’m just drinking myself to death or get drunk to the point to where I do some careless shit to end my life.
I’m done.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have so much to do, but zero motivation for any of it. As many of you may know, finals and the end of the semester are coming up. I have 50+ pages to write (I'm a senior, so I have some upper level classes), several projects, and a final all coming up within the next week. I know I need to do it... But I've been laying in bed for days avoiding all responsibilities, apartments a mess, and my life is just a mess in general... How do I force myself to get this done? How do I stop being such a lazy piece of shit?
Any advice?
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self.depression
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Has anyone felt they lost interest in hobbies? Before I got diagnosed as bipolar type 2 my diagnosis at the time was clinical depression. I didn't have a lot of energy to do things but I heavily enjoyed writing, doing origami, reading, and sometimes drawing. Around the time that my depression started evolving to bipolarity I started losing interest in all those things. I still wrote and kept a diary and read books (they had to be dark, or real-life issues, since all the other genres upset me). Once I went through the hospital, being diagnosed and the meds, I lost complete interest in any of it and I constantly feel like I'm cruising through everything. Like I'm sort of in Auto-Pilot.
I don't know if this was my experience or something. Idk. I wanted to share this.
Sorry for the format I'm on mobile.
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self.bipolar
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can't talk to that girl. just take another cup of coffe and get over it. You're a failure. Everyone knows it. Between chronicle pain, anxiety and depression, those are the only things you will truly feel, because that keeps you alive. You don't seem to like it, take meds trying to solve it all, but deep inside, you want to stay the same, and wouldn't know to live without them, because they're the pretext you got to stay alive. oh, human nature, disgusting and deplorable human nature.
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self.depression
|
This past week has been absolutely horrible and stressful. First off. I'm a graduate student at Uni. I turned in an assignment yesterday evening, that was mostly unfinished due to complications. Had to interview a person that stopped answering me and I had to get an exemption from my teacher. I've been working on that assignment for almost a month!
Until, this afternoon, the person contacted me and told me they were ready to do the interview. So I did (because I would learn a lot from it), and am now waiting for my teacher to reply to my email, where I asked if I could get *another* exemption and add it to my assignment. And thus turn it in, again, fully done. Which makes me look pathetic and like a really bad student. Hate it.
I also completely forgot about an lecture that I will have to hold tomorrow (felt like the 15th was way later than tomorrow, don't know why), and it's nowhere nearly presentable as is right now. Not going to ask about and exemption, though I would like to do so. I just want to get that lecture over, because like the other assignment, I've been working on that for a long time and am honestly getting a bit tired and un-interested in it. It's just a course that I **have** to finish to be able to finish my graduate degree.
I've also been constantly forgetting very important things like this for the past weeks and it's driving me nuts. I hate to be this student that forgets they have a huge assignment to do and ends up turning in shitty assignments. Or asking for exemptions.
It looks like I don't even care anymore but I do. I really care. I've always loved my studies and I've always been the type that works on assignments until I'm satisfied. Just don't understand why I keep forgetting and thus feel like such a failure.
Not to mention that I'm always tired, never have the longing or energy to get out of bed and get shit done. Don't even feel like going to my job; which I usually love to do.
Just had to get that out. This day has been also just. Bad. Am skipping a class to try and finish this lecture of mine. I never skip class.
Don't feel like me anymore. Just a box, that looks like me, that is stressed, tired and forgetful.
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self.offmychest
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How do you with the suicidal thoughts when they come back? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I want to do something with my life, but don't know where to start? I really want to do something with my life. For a long while I wanted to do film/music/or art as a career, but as I grow older and more mature I've realised it isn't really a viable career path.
So, recently I've been thinking about getting into teaching or hairdressing. I dye my girlfriends hair and everyone who sees her her hair tells me I'd make a good hairdresser so I think maybe I should train in it. But I have terrible social anxiety, almost zero social skills and I am the shakiest person ever, so I ask myself how could I even be successful at it?
Teaching seems good. I don't know how I'd get the courage to stand up in front of people and talk, or even show discipline... I just really want to do something with myself but I don't know how to start. I get called retard or mong almost everday and it really fucks up my self confidence so that makes me think I'm not even smart enough to be a teacher. I'd have to retake my maths GCSE and I failed that badly in school.
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self.Anxiety
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Did Zoloft alleviate your social anxiety? Hello everyone. Just wanted to say that this subreddit is great and have found a lot of inspiration/ information through r/Anxiety.
I finally made an appointment with a psychiatrist and was prescribed 50mg Zoloft for my GAD and (very) mild depression.
Was wondering if anyone found that this worked for their social anxiety. If so, to what extent?
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self.Anxiety
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Am i the only one having hard time believing a compliment? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I can't. I just can't take it anymore. I tried, I don't know maybe it wasn't enough, but I used to think it's worth keep on going. It's just not possible, not possible for me at all. The last person, the only one single human being I thought for whom it might be worth living - misunderstands me most of the time. I feel unwanted, dispensable, ignored. I feel like a punching bag. I just can't take this anymore.
I think I'll end it before my next birthday. I don't know why I should wait, why not just do it right now. Maybe I'm too afraid, coward, weak and maybe it's all just for seeking attention.
Right now I'm in so much pain, I feel like stabbing myself in my heart - it hurts so badly. I feel like bashing my head against something solid, pour my brains out - cause I'm in so much pain.
It hurts, hurts like hell and all I want is to end this suffering. I don't want to keep on going like this. Some are just not meant to be loved or cared for.
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self.depression
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How to not be scared when being confronted? I’ve been noticing that my body tends to enter this flight or fight response but instead of being brave and stepping up to confrontations, i get scared shitless. I really wanna step out of this endless fear and step up for myself.
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self.Anxiety
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Recently diagnosed and seeking support New to the sub, seeing advice/support/ words of wisdom from others who have gone through this.
I recently started seeing a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with "bipolar depression". Its nice to have a name for my behavior, but I feel like I lost who I thought I was.
I always thought I was an energetic, outgoing, passionate, and driven person who got depressed sometimes. But with my new diagnosis I am wondering if all of that is just "manic" me vs "depressed" me. I LIKE that part of me. The part that thinks the sky is the limit, who makes everyone laugh, who can fit into any group, puts a lot on her plate and succeeds at all of it without really trying. Without that... I don't know who I am and it's very scary.
I'm 26 and always saw myself as that person and now I don't know what to think. The other day I woke up feeling amazing. I had a rush of energy, I actually reached out to friends for the first time in weeks, cleaned my apartment, etc. It was such a nice change from the depression that had lasted over a month. I kept having a nagging feeling that it was just being manic, which made me scared and then I had an anxiety attack.
Has anyone else had these feelings or thoughts? I will be talking to my therapist about it next week but was wondering if y'all had similar feelings and how you coped.
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self.bipolar
|
Having an anxiety spiral over recent accident I don't even know if this is really the right place to put this, but I really just need to write something down right now. So on my way home from work today, I was stopped at a stoplight. I look in my rear-view mirror, and I see a woman RAPIDLY approaching, who is clearly looking down at her phone or something else in her lap. She rams into me and my whole body just jolts, my glasses fly off, I scream, and I'm just generally in shock as I'm staring at this lady through my mirror.
So the absolute first thing that runs through my head is "Oh shit, I hope they're not mad, I hope they don't jump out and start screaming at me." I realize how ridiculous this is, as this accident was in every way this woman's fault. I see her throw her arms up in frustration and stress, and we both pull over to the side of the road.
I get out and very calmly and nicely ask if she's okay, we have a cordial conversation (even though I'm shaking) and check out my bumper. The camera sensors are totally fucked (I have one of those cars that has a rear camera for parallel parking and stuff), but she nicely insists that nothing's wrong with my car. She also starts telling me this bullshit story about how her brakes went out, even though I literally saw her texting as she rammed me. I smile politely and nod through the whole thing, we exchange insurance information "just in case", and I drive home.
As soon as I get home my neck starts hurting, it's extremely stiff and it's pretty obvious I have whiplash. I'm sitting here typing this with a makeshift icepack on my neck. I feel like I should call my insurance (or hers? I don't know how this works, I've never been in an accident) to get my car camera checked out and also my neck, but I have this extreme, almost debilitating fear of conflict. I don't want this woman (and her husband, according to her insurance papers) to get angry at me and potentially try to fuck me over if I report the accident. I fucking HATE myself for being like this, but I've been like this for 27 years and nothing's changed. I've always been a pushover that would do literally anything to avoid a tiny bit of conflict with another human (that's pretty much why my life has amounted to nothing and I've lost every family member and most friends I've ever had). I'm still paying off this car for another five years and I can't believe I can't will myself to just pick up the phone and report the accident. I'm perpetually broke due to my shitty job, so I can't just go to the doctor to get my neck looked at, it would destroy me financially. I was having this pretty okay day (regular suicidal thoughts and self-loathing aside) until this, and now I'm just spiraling into this all-too-familiar cycle of anxiety and self-hatred that I know I'm not going to be able to get out of anytime soon.
I know I'm a complete fucking idiot for being like this, I'm sabotaging my own life by never standing up for myself and I don't know what I'm expecting by posting all these thoughts here. This whole thing has just pushed me that much closer to just ending it all, not living just seems so appealing after all these years of running from people and having panic attacks and ending up alone because of my weird issues. I know this is kind of going off in a different direction than the car accident but what happened today isn't even the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my issues, both the ones people know about and the ones I hide from everyone. I'm just so ready for all of this to be over, I'm tired of just existing day after day while finding new and exciting ways to hate myself.
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self.depression
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I used to do things I've been sitting in front of a computer for four years staring at columns of numbers.
I am depressed and trapped and desperate.
I used to have a life that didn't sound like something that would make you want to kill yourself and now I am not even one whole step above a not-especially-clever AI.
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self.offmychest
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I'm too lazy to plan my own suicide. If I couldn't hate myself more, I'm even too indecisive and lazy to plan my own fucking death.
It's got to the point where I'm just making bets to myself like "if I get less than a C on this exam, I'll commit suicide before the end of the year" and shit like that. Sadly enough, I've "won" those bets, and I probably will keep "winning" (or in my perspective "losing") them because I'm shit at everything, including my own suicide planning.
I'm just floating through life at this point; I honestly couldn't give less of a fuck about anything anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Revenge I am going to beat your face in next time I see you Anthony Fagot.
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self.offmychest
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Feeling like I’m losing my voice figuratively & literally I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder about 10 years ago and find that it manifests itself in different ways. Currently I’m on this kick about not being able to express myself in anything and it just seems to be getting worse. My life has been definitely less than stellar these last couple of years, just got out of a 7 year relationship due to my boyfriend cheating on me and ever since I feel like everything I’ve done up to this point has been a joke. I’ve worked very hard with my job to get where I’m at and I feel proud about that, but I just don’t have the same love for it that I once did. I felt before that I was so sure about what I wanted out of life and now I feel like its shattered and I’m standing here with a bunch of broken pieces. I thought just putting my head down and plowing through would work, but now these cycle of symptoms pop up and they seem so overwhelming. It doesn’t help that I feel unlovable, less than and just un-relatable in my day to day life because of this disorder. It’s like I can’t let myself be happy, and always on some subconscious level have to find a way to torture myself. Anyways so I’m just posting here to help feel a little more ‘normal’ I guess. I’m not happy to see others are struggling, but happy that there are others who understand the struggle of this disorder.
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self.Anxiety
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Eating So I'm officially obese. Gained 50lbs in the past 6 months and I want to die badly.
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self.depression
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Almost had a panic attack a few minutes ago while on the train Anxiety sucks. I've been having financial issues, since I've been helping my family go through a tough patch while studying and working full time.
I haven't been sleeping properly, and my neck is all sore from this. Everytime this happens, my anxiety kicks in, not cool.
I am currently on the train, and just moments after beginning my commute, I had a small panic attack. I felt like I was gonna pass out, my vision started feeling weird, and I was able to calm myself down by thinking this has happened before and it's due to a lack of sleep.
I am so tired of having anxiety and random panic attacks.
I don't want to go to work, I want to stay at my house.
This sucks.
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self.Anxiety
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Shame: Thoughts on Letting Your Family Love You When You Can't [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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There is nothing of great value that I can add to humanity I am a waste of flesh who isn't brave enough to cut an artery or two.
Why was I born so stupid. The only thing I have ever wished for is to not be average. Turns out I am below average.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Please help Last night I felt my heart pop and it just feels very light in weight tonight I can just feel it be very light. Nothing else hurts my arms are ok and there’s no numbness but I just need to know that I’m ok. Please help if anyone else feels this
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self.Anxiety
|
Sleeping is the only time I’m not depressed I sleep so much because I can avoid depression but it leads to me being more depressed because I never get anything done sleeping.
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self.depression
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My overly convoluted and weird opinion of my best friend [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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i wish i could be loved by someone I just feel so unlovable. family, friends patronize me i think. they dont really want me around, they just pity me. i wish i was worth it to someone to actually love.
i hate never being the first choice. always a replacement or fifth option. i just want to mean something.
i hate that im sitting alone at home again on a saturday night even though im a 20 year old girl in a college town. i wish i didnt feel so alone when im surrounded by so many people.
im at the point where i would just like some intimacy or physical contact with a guy instead of a relationship because i know no one would ever want to commit to me because no one ever has.
i wish i was worth it to someone
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self.depression
|
I feel like we guided our friend to breaking up with her boyfriend and now we feel terrible. We are a group of 5-6 friends and one of our friends, Amy, always used to tell us of her boyfriend who goes to another college. They live in the same area and met in the senior year of high school before she went to college and he took a gap year. The gap year took a toll on him but eventually he got into a good college.
Now the things she used to tell us about their relationship always struck us as odd. Whenever they went on dates, she used to sit in the backseat incase his dad saw her (his family was conservative). It was always her that went to his college to see him and whenever she did go there, he kept her foot apart, never hugging her or holding her hand or anything( they had been together for 2/2.5 years at this point). And he would always meet for 5 minutes before he would tell her to leave.
What struck us as the oddest thing was that he was really adamant about not letting her meet his new friends. He would make an effort to keep her away from his new friends and all of us thought that it was fishy. Once she told us that they he ran into some girl and he got really flustered and told her to kept walking making sure that they didn't Interact.
Now all of us knew what that meant and there are similar stories which point to him cheating. Amy has another friend in the same college who sort of confirmed it too and that's what what led to the eventual events. Amy knew all of this but chose to be ignorant. She didn't want to go through with confronting him about it because she truly and genuinely loved him and through the two years, has given him her 100%.
But we used to tease her constantly about it and then after two incidents where he was an asshole to her and left her heartbroken, we sort of made an intervention and sort of forced her to confront him. She would have never done it if we didn't make her.
2 days ago she told us that she broke up with him and she is *devastated*. She has made no indication that she is mad at us but all of us feel extremely guilty. I just want to ask, should we feel guilty that we caused this? This was her first relationship ever and she is very very very upset and all of us feel like shit because we caused this. Did we cause this?
Should we feel guilty about this? I honestly don't know.
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self.offmychest
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High on cocaine, feeling lost and sick I'm a former philosophy and english major. Whatever academic aspirations I had are long gone. My body is deteriorating. My hair slipping away, but body crashing from drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. I'm in a pit I can't seem to escape. Tried a few times to die but all the attempts were half-assed. Been looking for answers for a long time. Thought maybe I'd find them somewhere in doomed love affairs, Ingmar Bergman, or Sartre, but all I'm left with is this bitter hopelessness, this infinite veil of sorrow that colors the all fabrics of my banal, broken life. I was born in poverty, and for most of my life I wore that adversity as a point of pride, but the older I get, the worse it feels. Lost the love of my life years ago after two miscarriages. Never fully got over it. I don't see much hope on this horizon. And yet I'm painfully aware at how precious human life is, how infinitesimal the chances were that I was ever born to begin with, and how brutally I've fucked up a life that could have been so much more fulfilling. I used to be able to harness this pain to create cool shit, to try to bring some beauty to this fleeting existence, but I feel so sick now that I can't even write anymore. I can't make music. I can't create beautiful things. And because I lack the fortitude as of yet to pull the trigger, all I can do is make as many attempts possible to kill myself or cross my fingers that I OD on something. I miss having dreams. I miss being able to cry. This emptiness, this depersonalization has gotten so bad that outside of a dull ache in the pit of my stomach I can't feel fucking anything. Wish I could fucking sleep forever.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Just sitting in my car alone. I can feel myself slipping and getting worse. This week I have noticed changes in myself and I hate it. I just want to avoid it all I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to go home i don't want to do anything. I'm scared of getting like this. I don't want to feel like this and I'm scared of it.
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self.depression
|
Why are other people important to you but you're not important to them? [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Working 60 hours a week and a $37 insufficient funds fee put my account into the negatives today (F, 24) The bank won’t forgive the insufficient funds fee so I’m out $37 that I desperately need.
I’m working two jobs and still can’t get ahead, despite budgeting out all my paychecks. If anything unexpected comes up, I’m always in the red. I even budgeted for unexpected necessary expenses but the funds I put away for that still weren’t enough. It just feels absolutely hopeless, and I don’t know how to leave this cycle. If I go back to school, I won’t have enough money to survive since I can’t afford to pay out of pocket to go part time, and my hours will need to be cut dramatically of I go full time. Plus, getting yet another degree does not guarantee anything. If I don’t go back to school, I feel like this is going to be my life forever and I feel trapped. I don’t know what to do. How do other people in the same situation cope with this? How do I get out? All I want is to be able to buy basic groceries without having a panic attack at the store.
The constant stress is getting to me and I don’t know who to turn to. I can’t even go back home and do the whole “live with your parents while you figure out your life” thing because my dad passed away when I was 18 and living with my mom means I have to pay for the expenses of living in a house, which comes out to more expensive than me living with a roommate in my own apartment.
I just don’t know anymore.
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self.offmychest
|
I get nauseous when I go out Every time I stay at a friend's house or visit them I get nauseous. Sometimes I throw up as well. I never know if I just *happened* to get sick or if it's caused by my anxiety. I've been a hermit for the last 7 months, I barely leave my house and I don't usually go out alone.
Does anyone relate to this and knows what can help?
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self.Anxiety
|
Anyone have experiences with celexa? Did it work? If so how long did it take to work?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Teacher taking Class Out for dinner as end of semester treat. trying to stop myself from freaking out and bailing. I haven't done anything social like this in years, if ever. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm going to kill myself in 4 years if I can't find a partner to face life with I'm currently 21 and I haven't had much sucess so far finding a partner or any friends. I'm trying but I'm not doing a very good job of it, I'm not the kind of guy that can juat walk up to women and say "Hey! Hows it goin? want to go out sometime?" It takes me time to build trust with someone before I know I want to be with them for a long time. (I guess that goes for everyone sorta but it doesn't seem like thats how one succeeds at it.)
I've made up my mind that if I can't succed at this one simple task I won't be able to handle the rest of my life being alone, to suffer it without anyone. I pray that I may succeed.
I've been mostly alone for long perorids spending upwards of 10 hours or more a day on avarage by myself. I've come pretty far from being a social fool and now I'm pretty good at being loose and friendly around other people but I'm just running into a brick wall here! I just don't know what to do... if any of you have any sugestions PLEASE leave a comment.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The Passing of Time I get anxiety about time passing, I’ll be in the middle of hanging out with people and immediately imagine myself at a point a few hours in the future already thinking back to the situation.
It makes me anxious cause I feel like I’m never living in the moment and it makes it harder to appreciate life.
Everything just feels like a memory, in a way.
It makes me anxious cause I feel like I’m never living in the moment and it makes it harder to appreciate life.
Or I’ll disassociate while in public and only feel like I’m truly *conscious* & aware when I’m home alone.
Either the simulation has gone wonky or I just have anxiety.
I’ve begun smoking weed again to help blur all of this and it helps, but it’s also affecting my productivity, and can contribute to anxiety as well.
Anyone else have tips or advice on how to deal with this.
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self.Anxiety
|
Bad day (warning: talking about suicide and being melodramatic) Disclaimer: I talk about suicidal thoughts but I'm not suicidal in the "gonna do it" sense.
I woke up and felt it. Today is a bad day. Today is a day where I try to think positively but can't help but try to figure out how old my kids need to be before my suicide is just traumatizing and not mind-breaking. 18? 25? Today is a day where I feel myself slipping. Today is a day where I feel like my house will never be clean and I will never be a good father and I should have gone through with my teenage suicide attempts and letting my wife fall in love with me was the cruelest thing I could have done.
Just yesterday, I was talking to my wife about how things are finally good after years of living in the dark.
I have twenty-six years of experience with bipolar disorder if you count the sixteen years with my bipolar father and the last ten years of myself being diagnosed. I know things get better. They always do. They just don't stay that way.
Today is also a day where I'm almost laughing at how dramatic I'm being though. Also it's sunny and I despise the sun. It was rainy yesterday. The rain always makes me feel better even when I'm severely depressed.
and I need to mop but my mop broke damnit
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self.bipolar
|
I use Mind tricks to overcome my anxiety for a day Its been almost 9 years since I first noticed that I can sometimes use what I call "Mind Tricks" to overcome my non-stop anxiety, albeit very temporarily. In the beginning, the trick's effects only lasted for a moment, so I had to constantly repeat them - it was more like iterating a simple task with my mind's eye - say focusing and following a specific pattern or path at the corner of my eye mentally. It sounds extremely weird and it was weirder that a specific yet seemingly random mental exercise with my mind's eye gave me relief. My theory was that I can somehow emotionally associate a trick with a feeling of great bliss (i.e. having a clear mind) and by repeating the trick the feeling was replicated.
I suspect that by also occupying my mind with the constant repetition - over and over again obsessively - my mind could not wander off to anxiety rich thoughts. Obviously, the tricks at this stage were neither practical nor healthy solutions, since they also made it extremely hard for me to focus on other tasks. But the results where mind-blowing - I had confidence I never felt before in my life - confidence I could not dream of - the kind you see in movies. I would go to bars and parties and charm the hell out of people - pickup strangers etc. Have you seen the movie or TV show "Limitless" - it was exactly like that. Anyway, as you can imagine this caused a huge dependence on getting the mind trick to work every time all the time and it became like a stereotypical drug addiction. I had felt being limitless, I had to feel like that again and again - always. I could not stand going back to chronic anxiety. I fell into a big depression - I sought treatment and got medication. I went cold turkey - and life slowly became "normal" again.
During this time I started talking about my anxiety more and meditating etc. During random moments of sharing and meditating, I would sometimes get sudden "aha" moments or feeling of being present. It's like I manage to convince myself or realize that I'm grounded in the present now - this now, the one where you are reading this. A single exercise gave a longer effect than the tricks before - usually until the next day. It did not make me feel like superman, but it does make me clear-headed and attentive, and more importantly relief from chronic anxiety. Acknowledging my addictive personality I started pursuing this effect less obsessively. I managed to classify it into 2 techniques A and B.
A consisted of talking about and articulating my thoughts to someone (or sometimes myself) to death continuously - either I would slowly realize that life is not so bad or I would get so frustrated by the increased pain that it would suddenly stop - like a breaking point where I said screw it and I dropped control - accepted the cards I was dealt and thus managed to take a step back and observe the anxiety.
Technique B was somewhat similar to the previous mind tricks but more like the feeling of sudden revelation or insight. Basically, I would try to convince my brain that I was living in the present - this was easier to do in new surroundings - where I imagined with my mind's eye that things I perceive around me are real and only exist in the now. This is sound really strange, but it's like waking from auto-pilot or a constant dream-like state. My anxiety forced me to constantly live in the past and future. Anyway, neither techniques/tricks work predictably and consistently - the effects wary and usually doesn't work when I most want them to - before an important meeting or social gathering etc. But when they work they almost always work until the next day - I'm guessing my mind goes back to default when I fall asleep.
This is the first time I talk about my discoveries like this outside doctor-patient sessions. The less obsessiveness nature of the "second generation" mind tricks allow me to have a relatively normal social and work life. I'm still kind of desperately trying to figure out what is actually happening and allowing me to have pockets of relief from a life otherwise filled with relentless anxiety (my diagnoses is GAD btw). Does anyone recognize any of these tricks or moments?
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self.Anxiety
|
I tried reaching out to my school counselor and ended up having the police involved. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
How do you avoid self medicating? I have a lot of anxiety and I'm at a point in my life where i need to get sober. However, I've always masked my anxiety by smoking weed/drinking/taking xanax. I was hooked on xanax for 6 months with a script from a doctor, and I'm scared to take it again because of how bad the withdrawals are and the addictive potential. I have tried 6 different antidepressants, and they've just made me suicidal. I don't know what to do anymore.
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self.Anxiety
|
Kidney Disease Does anyone else here have kidney disease? I was diagnosed about a year ago after taking lithium for 5 years. I just went to the nephrologist today and I came home so depressed. I hate that place. I'm already in stage 3 and the doc said I'll probably need a kidney transplant.
I feel like this brain disease is slowly killing me. I try so hard to manage it: I take my meds, I go to all my doctors appointments, I don't drink or use drugs. And none of it seems to matter. I still have kidney disease, I've still been told I can't have children, and I still deal with all of the emotional upheaval caused by bipolar. I truly feel that I will not live very long. If I don't lose my life due to kidney failure, it will be suicide, or a botched pregnancy, or even cancer (my mom's side of the family is filled with examples of people who died of cancer). It just sucks, and it's interfering with my quality of life right now. I want to enjoy life while I can, but I can't even do that because it feels like I'm constantly walking against a strong wind that's about to blow me away.
Anyway, I'm miserable today, and you all are very supportive, so I feel comfortable to vent here. Hope everyone is having a fun (or at least tolerable) Christmas season.
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self.bipolar
|
Bipolar w ADHD question I have a definite diagnosis of ADHD and a questionable diagnosis of bipolar. Backstory: I got the diagnosis of ADHD a few years ago, was put on Adderall, and proceeded to ruin my life - bad financial decisions, bad personal decisions, no regard for consequences, etc. stopped the Adderall and depression hit me hard. Went to a psychiatrist who said in a nutshell a reaction like that likely means I’m bipolar. Then at the next visit after I voiced questions about Lamictal side effects, he said he thought maybe I just had more of anxiety and depression, and not bipolar or even ADHD, despite me going through hours of testing before the ADHD diagnosis. I was skeptical about such a sudden change in diagnosis so I quit going to him. I’m seeing a new therapist now and am waiting to see a psychiatrist. My therapist now doesn’t think what happened when I was on Adderall was a manic episode and told me I was probably just feeling more ‘free’ with decision making. I strongly disagree as the decisions were impulsive, uncharacteristic, and destructive. She has suggested I go back on ADD meds due to the difficulty I am having with symptoms, at my job, etc. I am unsure. Ever since the Adderall incident, I feel different. I feel dumb, like my brain doesn’t work. I don’t feel the way I used to. I’m way less confident and my memory is terrible. Sometimes I have moments of feeling like my normal self, but they are fleeting. I don’t know who to believe, and am desperate to try something because I’m miserable. I’m very tempted to go back on ADD meds because I’m wondering if that’s the problem and will make me feel normal again. On the other side, I’m terrified of the idea because I’m afraid of the same thing happening as before.
My question / tl;dr: anyone out there with experience taking ADD meds? If I am indeed bipolar and I try them again will I know if I’m swinging into mania? The first time obviously I had no idea but I’m wondering if awareness helps since I am not on any other medications currently.
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self.bipolar
|
Thinking about pain is a trigger for me. Does anyone who can relate tell me how to beat it? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
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