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Clingyness A girl I really liked lost interest in me because I was too clingy due to my anxiety , she's someone who got a lot of guys and I was always anxious when she would go to a party she would get with another guy, has anyone else been affected by being too clingy ?
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self.Anxiety
|
How do you start over when you’re so depressed to begin with Lost my business. Totally collapsed. It will take 5 months to a year to rebuild. There’s no guarantee it’d be a success. I’m (40) worried about the future. Right now, instead of working, I just lie in bed feeling hopeless. I cried for the first time in years. Life hurts.
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self.depression
|
So: impulsivity Work at ten this morning, on my way there now. Drank a lot of beer and wine and possibly vodka then took coke and MDMA with my friends and spent loads of money and didn’t sleep
Obviously this maybe was not the most well thought out idea
Idk
Pdoc says all good
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self.bipolar
|
Is it normal for depression to ebb and flow, but never truly go away? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Just need to vent a little. I feel my life kinda sucks, sure lots of people have worse lives but right now i find little joy in mine.
I have autism, my sister has severe schizophrenia and i can't talk to her at all.
I have no friends, no relatives nearby.
Im a single, 35 year old male.
Parents got divorced when i was 9, lived with my mom until she died a year ago, my dad died 3 years ago.
Barely managed to hang on for the last year because i have 4 cats to look after.
If it wasn't for them, i would have given up a year ago.
Last week, one of my younger cats, which i got because my cuddly cat is really old and i needed someone to play with, didn't come home.
Found him after 4 days, seemed ok, soon after the vet closed for the weekend he got really sick.
Managed to keep him alive with hand feeding multiple times a day with a syringe etc until monday morning.
Went to the vet, vet examined him and during exhamination my cat Odin suddenly got paralized from the waist down.
Turned out he had an inflammation in his spine, after a few hours of barely being able to breathe and vomiting he died.
I wanted to die with him and still do a little bit.
The only reason i still hang on is because i have 3 other cats.
I'm terrified of the next time a cat gets sick or dies, im terrified of getting a new cat knowing it will die.
Above all im just so damn lonely....
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self.depression
|
Skipped the NYE family gathering, relatives are kinda dicks Dad told everybody I'd be going while he knew I already had other plans with my friends. It's the first time I was welcome and invited by people to go out on NYE so I didn't want to lose the opportunity plus those family gatherings make me feel stupid, useless and even more depressed. Of course I went out and had great time (apart from one depressive episode).
Next morning I wake up and browse Facebook I see a post from my Uncle (the gathering happens at his place) a photo of all of them and a caption saying "Another year goes by, here with our loved ones" then he changed line and wrote "Hopefully everyone comes next year". Don't know how to feel about this.
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self.depression
|
today's my birthday and no one even wished me 'happy birthday'. not even my parents, my friends... Pokemon does this cool thing where if you go into the pokemon center on your bithday theres some cheery music and and a happy birthday thing... i forgot to set my bday date on my device. theres just so much pressure on me and its so hard its so hard living double lives i don't know if i can make it
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self.depression
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Im not feeling mentally well i dont know where to start or what to do
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self.depression
|
In need of serious advice and Guidance Hi. I don't know if this was the proper place to go to for advice but it dips between this and r/bipolarSOs. I'm using a throwaway since I don't use reddit too much. I'll make this as short as I can.
TL;DR: Unmedicated bipolar best friend has been unresponsive during the final weeks of her freedom before service, don't know what to do.
I'm 19 years old, soon to be 20 in January. My best friend - let's call her Ali - is 18 years old, due to be 19 in February. We don't live together or even close to each other; we're kind of long-distance. I have feelings for her, and I've recently confessed it. She didn't reciprocate on part that she didn't wanna risk how strong our relationship was, but she would keep it in mind for the foreseeable future. She isn't diagnosed professionally, but a lot of the signs of Bipolar Type 1 exist within her, from feeling great by pushing her friends away, being passive-aggressive for no reason other than she felt like it, increased riskiness in decisions, the like. I've been friends with Ali for at least 5 years, but this year in particular, Ali has displayed more and more erratic behavior. She got herself a girlfriend before dumping said girlfriend after 4 days, then proceeded to preen over somebody else following the breakup like it was nothing.
We've never had arguments nor has she lashed out at me like this until now. Since April of this year, she has been more self-destructive towards everybody she cares for including me. Almost every single time she comes down, I have to be the one to step in to talk to her. She never wants to speak to me or initialize a conversation, it always has to be me due to severe anxiety issues.
"But will she get medication?" is what you're asking. The short of it is: She will. But it won't be another four years. The long of it is: She won't get it because she is due for military service within three or so weeks. She enlisted in the Air Force to get away from her abusive family, who in the past have refused to get her medication and have invalidated her feelings for years. She managed to get past health screenings by faking that she was normal, knowing that this is illegal and would very well ruin her future if she displayed behavioral problems.
I'm coming here because I've been trying to help her all I can, but I can only do so much with a keyboard. She knows I care deeply for her, but since Thanksgiving she has refused to speak to me and ignores me while talking to her other friends who, honestly, have no clue if she's manic or if it's really her and encourage her manic tendencies often. I've sent her nice messages for her to see every day when she wakes up, and always telling her I'd be here if she needed someone to talk to.
I haven't tried reaching out to her since the 14th of December due to the fact she passive-aggressively told me to fuck off. Since then she has blocked me without any context before unblocking, but not following me again. Previously in the past, she was deathly afraid of losing me because I was huge support in her life.
But now I don't know anymore. I've spent a month slowly researching bipolar, hoping she'd say something so I could have a long talk with her, but she won't reach out knowing support is always here. Every time I speak to her off her manic phase, she ends up breaking down and bawling and saying she should've come to me first.
Please help.
P.S. I know there's major red flags, and this is just a summary of the things I've had to bear with. I don't want to let her go even when there were days where she lashed out. It's the last thing I want.
Edit #1: I forgot to mention that I can contact her on Tumblr, Discord, or I could use the old-fashioned phone call as forms of communication to Ali.
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self.bipolar
|
Financially well-off but unable to enjoy life Unlike a lot of people with depression, I am and have always been able to work and do my job well, hence one of the few things I don't have to worry about it life is money.
But I have nothing to spend my money on, nothing that helps me enjoy life anyway. I'm in my 40's and only have one friend in my life, the few interests/hobbies that used to make me happy no longer do, and my life is just so boring.
I spend most of my free time sitting at home, worrying about how weird my neighbors think I am and being anxious/annoyed whenever they are outside chatting. I spend time trying to come up with a plan to move somewhere else where I can at least not worry about neighbors, but the reality is unless I move to the middle of nowhere, neighbors will always be a potential problem.
When I'm not worrying about neighbors, I find other things to worry about. Life is just generally miserable these days. I wish I could somehow use my money to fix my brain.
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self.depression
|
What are some genuine answers I can give to the dreaded question 'how are you?'. An answer that implies misery, desire of death, excessive pain and suffering, and any such related feelings?
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self.depression
|
Bipolars with bipolar SOs - share your experience! I'm writing a book and one subplot involves the main character (who has bipolar) in a relationship with another character with bipolar. Whether or not this relationship will work out, the plot has yet to dictate haha. I'm curious to hear about your experiences with relationship dynamics in a BP-BP relationship. What was easier than having a non-bipolar or neurotypical SO? What was more difficult? How did you cope with each other's episodes? How did you cope when you were both in a bad spot (if that applied to you)?
Thanks!!
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self.bipolar
|
What helps you when you're sad? For me, listening to songs - whether they're happy or sad - and watching TV. And, of course, a good cry.
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self.depression
|
Feeling some kind of way AKA can't think of a clever analogy... Today I woke up fine and generally just felt ok. About an hour or so in to my work shift a weariness took over me. IDK, it honestly feels like I'm missing someone/something but I'm not. I spent the last hour in an empty room in my building just laying on my back and crying off and on. This sadness is really unbearable right now and it's taking all my power to not break down in front of everyone. It's got me asking all kinds of dark things to myself.
IDK, I usually tweet this stuff from my Twitter account no one follows to feel better but it's not working today, so I had to tell someone. Thanks for reading.
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self.bipolar
|
I grind on chicks at clubs and feel like a shit person sometimes they're down, which is whatever. But there are a couple times they aren't down, and push away with one hand; this is when it dawns on me how pathetic I am sometimes, getting hammered borderline (maybe not even borderline) sexually harrassing people.
I feel like an almost irredeemably shitty person.
Am I overreacting? I don't know
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self.offmychest
|
I keep thinking about my friend and it is driving me crazy We used to work together which is how we met. She encouraged me to better myself in certain aspects of my life.
I've never thought of her romantically but just as a friend. Yet I can't stop thinking about her and I have no idea why. It's driving me crazy.
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self.offmychest
|
This sub has so much more substance and uniqueness than the main one for depression. Seriously, all the posts are like, "DAE feel bad and have no energy?!" "DAE sometimes have suicidal thoughts?!". Like, it's like if I came here and every post was asking us all here if our moods went up and down and if we were all on medication, you know, just straight up fuckin givens about our illness. You don't learn anything new there, you can't really share your story as it's not unique like it is here. I don't even know what I'm trying to get at anymore. I think I'm just pissed because that sub could be a great resource for people going through depression but instead it's just seems like people reaping karma by asking people if they experience the basic facets of depression. I would like to hear what you all think of the depression sub.
/End rant
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self.bipolar
|
My hobbies aren't hobbies, they're obsessive attempts to forget about life I just realized this today. Over the past few years I've been obsessing over random hobbies, jumping from one to the other, thinking it was just me finding new interests. But it's not. I become absorbed in the hobby to forget about everything else, and it becomes almost scary to stop. Does anyone else experience this?
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self.depression
|
do you like that too? i often lay in bed and listen to music with the volume on maximum and i then think/daydream of me in a ,,happy" future and about stuff thats just not gonna happen
am i the only one who does that?
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self.depression
|
I chew on things when I’m anxious Whenever I’m anxious I chew on things. At night I chew on my retainer. Anyone else do this?
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self.Anxiety
|
I think I really may be in love with you [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Is depression just abysmally low self-esteem and self-worth I ask this as someone who is also depressed. My depressive thoughts are extremely self-critical. I mean, objectively, I know they're overly self-critical, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel like an utter travesty of a human being.
So, is it more accurate to call depression abysmally low self-worth than intense sadness? Thoughts please. I'm aware depression affects everyone differently, so I just want to know if it's like this for others
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self.depression
|
Back into mania I haven’t slept in about 3 days, and am in mania for the first time in 6(?) months. I hate this feeling. The feeling that my meds were working great and now all the sudden I can’t sleep.. and well, you guys know the rest.
I got diagnosed about a year ago (i’m 22), and still struggle with a lot of it. I hate feeling like I’ve lost intelligence after those first manic episodes. I hate waking up and feeling great, productive, etc and then the next day I feel like I can’t get myself out of bed. I just feel angry at myself a lot now. It doesn’t make sense but I get mad because I don’t feel how I used to. I really just wish that I could go back to before all the crazy shit happened when I was first manic and somehow stop myself (again crazy).
Anyone have any motivational or helpful things they’ve gone through after being diagnosed?
tldr- i’m manic again, shits rough
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self.bipolar
|
Ball of electricity I feel like there's a ball of electricity inside of me. It keeps on going faster and faster trying to escape.
It's like if restless leg syndrome, but throughout my entire body.
My brain is fuzzy. It feels like there's a bunch of white noise up there. It won't shut up.
I keep trying to occupy myself. In the last hour alone I've tried four different mobile games, Xbox, cross stitching, reading, eating, and Reddit. Nothing can hold my attention for longer than a few minutes. Everything my body is telling me is just Go Go Go.
I feel incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin. I cant sit in one place or cuddle with my cat on the couch. I'm not sure what to do anymore.
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self.bipolar
|
Outrageous instagram / facebook / snapchats when manic? Anyone else become a huge social media nerd during manic episodes and keep making postings over and over saying outrageously belligerent things? This has to be one of the top 3 things I hate the most about my condition. So damaging reputation wise and then come home out of the hospital and have all of this shit to delete.
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self.bipolar
|
Ticks, do you have them, how do you deal? I have ticks. Verbal and physical. They suck. Mostly I just say "Balls" but I also drop the "F" bomb on occasion.
I know this is a symptom, is it common?
How do you deal, any advice?
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self.Anxiety
|
Another Smallish Step Just wanted to share something nice because well, I am proud of myself.
I havent seen my best friend (really one of my few girl friends) since the begining of last summer. This is entirely due to back to back episodes and not being medicated.
I got out of the hospital a little over a week ago and I am feeling pretty damn swell on this combo of meds. She lives 3 hours away and in the past ive had major anxiety and terrible intrusive thoughts while being in the car. I feel this has subsided substantially due to a 1.5 hour drive during thanksgiving that went extra well.
She is a remarkable friend. She has never once held anything against me even with the fact that her daughter is my Goddaughter and my son is her Godson. The guilt from ignoring everyone had eaten me alive for so long.
We will be taking it easy and enjoying some farmlife away from our farm. Lol.
I just wanted to share this because I am really excited and SO grateful that i am stable. Thank friggin God.
Have a great saturday!
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self.bipolar
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Aggressive aspergers neighbor is freaking me out about my cats [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Parents are forcing me into a life path I do not want. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Depression, alcoholism, and betrayal Hey guys, I think this the first time I've posted here.
I have depression and I'm an alcoholic. Last year my dad died, shortly followed by one of my grandfathers. I spiraled into a bottle of vodka, which kept my antidepressants from working, and drove me generally insane.
A little over a month ago I made arrangements to stay with my mother for a couple months to get sober and get my meds right.
The entire time I've been gone, the love of my life and mother of my child has been cheating on me.
Last week, my other grandfather died.
I'm just over a month sober. My meds have balanced out, and I feel great. I have my second psychiatrist appointment on January 17, and my first therapy appointment on January 30. I am doing well on improving myself. I am not going to let my struggles keep me from being the best dad I can for my little girl.
Tonight, I'm wide awake. My heart aches from my lost love. I miss my daughter terribly, I missed Thanksgiving with her and will miss Christmas too. I feel so alone and sad.
So if anyone else is awake, I'd love to chat or share memes or whatever. If not, thanks for letting me vent and for reading it. I appreciate it. I wish you all strength in your personal battles. We can all get through this.
Thanks.
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self.depression
|
Holiday stress How do you handle holiday stress? Every Thanksgiving and Christmas I just dread seeing family that I should be closer with but only see 2 times a year. That plus anxiety and the need for things to be "just right" drives me crazy. I'd rather have mac n cheese alone than a giant meal and desserts with family. I'm interested in hearing some other stories or advice.
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self.depression
|
Been on the brink for a few days now. Lonely. Is there anyone who would like to chat with me throughout the day so I can be less lonely? I'd like someone to keep me in check if there's anyone out there who can help.
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self.SuicideWatch
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the word ‘tired’ the word tired is my saving grace.
someone says i look sad? ‘i’m just tired.’
someone asks why i don’t want to go out? ‘i’m just tired.’
someone asks why i look stressed? ‘i’m just tired.’
someone asks why i’m in a bad mood? ‘i’m just tired.’
someone asks why i haven’t done my work? ‘i’m just tired.’
saying your tired is the best explanation for why i act depressed without telling people i have depression. the answer to all these questions is just depression, but if you say your tired people just say ‘oh ok’ because it’s a normal thing and they don’t ask questions.
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self.depression
|
I’m bad about making choices Whenever it comes to choosing something, I’ll usually choose not to choose if that’s an option. This goes for my life, the people allow myself to be around, even who I want romantically.
Growing up I could never choose who I would try a relationship with and this paralyzed me. I didn’t want to choose and then none of the other mutual friends would ever be an option (a fact I had convinced myself of). I never wanted to choose the things I did, so I allowed my inner self to chase being “cool and reckless” where I don’t care about life, and therefore had to make no real choices.....
My biggest fear is that I will make no choices in my life, just as the first 21 years of life. And I’ll find myself just doing nothing with my life.
I have taken initiative in life a little though. Choosing to be in school is good, but I need to do something with it, instead of getting stuck making 30k in a kitchen.
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self.Anxiety
|
Extreme anxiety and stress cause seizures now Good god. I've been so proactive for years between almost weekly therapist visits, extreme medication management (1mg of Klonopin 3x a day for example) and coping mechanisms. Yet now extreme emotions to stess or anxiety, whether brief like ripping duct tape off a hairy body or like being in a restaurant with family for hours, cause a seizure lasting a minute or 2 usually. I try to fight it but usually within an hour my eyes are shaking and the boom, epilepsy like seizure and can't speak a complete sentence either.
What the hell do I do? I've done so much to manage this and yet I'm getting even worse? I don't even care if it's recreational like using shrooms to alleviate depression almost instantly.
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self.Anxiety
|
Winter Suggestions Hey everybody, happy holidays.
It snowed yesterday. I took some vitamin D supplement, ate my meals, and even re-organized my room. I have the energy to get around and do things, but today it just felt like nothing. I didn't feel pride or happiness when I cleaned, wasn't happy that I took all my meds and ate three square meals. I sat down and played some video games, but it didn't do me anything. I unfortunately do not have the option to exercise because of a broken toe.
I want to know, first, does anyone else get like this? Like wholly able to be productive and do the things that normally help you out, but being unaffected by it (aside from the frustration it causes for want of the normal results). Secondly, what do you do in the winter that helps? Any method or practice you have in particular that helps you out?
Thanks!
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self.depression
|
Day 1 - From Celexa to Lexapro So it seems after 8 years my Celexa has sort of died on me. Therapy has been great, yoga has been awesome, but still finding normal day to day-life-stuff insanely difficult for some reason. My doctor and I tried doubling my dose of Celexa and the effects could be easily described as chemical lobotomy. Locked jaw, motor movement was impaired, hard trouble forming words. I almost wish someone recorded a video it was so unique. It felt like I was running at 30FPS. With that information, my doctor suggested Cipralex for it's cleaner properties. I could go up to the equivalent dosage of Celexa for a week, and then try 15mg of Cipralex, which would be 30mg of Celexa.
With that being said, today will the first day of Lexapro. At a chemical level, Celexa and Lexapro (Cipralex) are very similar and I shouldn't feel too much of a difference, at least that's what doctor informed me. I figured maybe someone else is thinking about the transition between the two and so I'll document symptoms/feelings/anything daily.
Here we go!
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self.Anxiety
|
All these happy people around me just annoy me. The sight of people being so happy with life around me annoys the Hell out of me, how do you maintain that in life? I don't understand, it seems no one has a care in the world.
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self.depression
|
I have nothing unique to feel proud about I can't draw, I'm of average intelligence, my singing is average, Im absolutely horrible at dancing, I have no athletic skill, etc. The only thing I prided myself on was being the smartest kid in my Spanish 1 class. I picked it up super easily and ended up with the highest gpa in there. Well now I'm in Spanish 2 (still kicking ass) and one of my good friends took Spanish 1. And he picked it up just as easily...
The one fucking thing I had going for me and it's ruined by a fat fuck who looks like a deformed fucking mushroom. (We insult each other a lot). Hell, it's like I cant out do him at anything. We have the same history class, and we were having a discussion about WWI. I end up saying something fucking retarded and making a fool out of myself. What does he do? Says something smart enough for the teacher to recommend that he takes AP history. What. The. Fuck.
I love gaming; it's really my only "passion" in life, but I absolutely suck at online games. I just die constantly, get pissed, and end up breaking controllers. So I cant even say that I'm good at the thing I spend my life doing. I guess I'll just keep on being a no skilled nobody
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self.depression
|
Everyone else is normal in my family except for me The other night I had just gotten back from dinner with my friends and it didn’t go well. I couldn’t even ask a question without them condescending me or laughing at me. So I can home feeling pretty shitty. Then while I was chilling in my bed, I was on Instagram and realized there wasn’t a single good picture of me. Then when I was looking through my camera roll, all the pictures I had of me looked like shit. I never look good in any photos taken of me. This made me really depressed but I couldn’t fall asleep because all I could think about was how ugly, awkward, and fat I looked in these pics.
I’ve lost a lot of weight since then and like to think I look better but the old pictures haunt me. They make me feel like I’m mentally challenged. That got me thinking about why out of all the people in my family, I’m the only one who isn’t a normal person. Literally everyone in my family is more normal than me. I hate myself because I feel like I was given the short end of the stick. In fact, it’s been pointed out to me by my peers that everyone else in my family is more normal than me.
I hate feeling different. My parents told me I should embrace being different but I don’t like being this way. I feel like an outcast in my family, school, and other social groups. It makes me wish I had never been born. I always feel like a fuck-up because I have no close relationships with anyone and it’s because I’m like this. I’ve told my parents this but they think I’m overthinking things. They don’t know what it’s like to feel like the biggest loser in the world.
I don’t have any talents. I don’t have any real skills. I can’t talk to people easily. My social awkwardness is so damn bad it’s painful. All I’ve ever wanted is to fit in and be a regular guy but I can never achieve that. Being this way has destroyed my mental health and cost me any chance at having friends. I hate that I’m the weird one in a family of regulars. It kills me on the inside
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self.offmychest
|
Yeast! So my dermatologist thinks all my acne is actually caused by a yeast colony. There is hope for a clear face yet!!!
Ahhh!!!
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self.bipolar
|
I think I've been dissociative all my life? I've never been very social. And never good at showing my feelings to literally anyone... Not even family because I feel too embarrassed cause I don't know what I want most of the time, and I didnt want to sound too demanding. I never even asked for any presents ever for Christmas or my birthday. I just never felt enough about anything.
And now when I'm 21, I feel like I really missed out on a lot of friendships and family time because I am too bad at being inthe moment and expressing myself and an unwillingness to do it because Ive been discouraged (lightly, but it's always been enough) by my parents and others around me.
I'm just feeling really sad and anxious about every choice I've done and like I've wasted time on not being myself. Or that this is myself and that I'm weird for not being happy with what I've been given.
I hope this somehow fits in here. I might also copy this onto r/self if anybody says anything?
TL; Dr: I'm someone who doesn't live in the moment and feel like nothing I ever do is to make anyone happy not even me and now I'm miserable.
Advice?
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self.Anxiety
|
Decided to share my story on facebook tonight This post is public. Feel free to share.
Share if you are so inclined.
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10214438286251724&id=1255950024
I see a lot of posts about mental health awareness but the story is rarely discussed. Want to get real with me facebook? Let's get real.
I have been medicated and in and out of therapy for going on 10 years now. Have I been suicidal? It depends on what you mean by suicidal as to the number of times I've been there.
I attempted in college and ended up in the mental ward of a hospital for a week. I didnt attempt again after that but I thought about it plenty.
I started my journey of medication to get myself under control and i shut down, stopped going out, stopped returning calls.
It took me 4 years to find a medication combo that worked, it took 2 months of nausia, headaches, and fevers to adjust to that combination. After taking it for 3 years my doctor took me off the meds and I was stable all on my own for 6 months. I needed some again recently but will be able to operate without again some day.
I am bipolar
I am ADHD
I have attempted suicide
I take medication to stabilize my brain
None of this defines me, I am who I am through trial and error and passion for life.
I am a survivor
I am worth living for
I am a father and that is my most proud achievement.
I support mental health awareness and feel free to come to me when you are in need.
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self.bipolar
|
I get angrier while running When my depression flares up (mostly in the winter), I get what I call 'the angrys'. As the run gets more intense, I start thinking the darkest, angry thoughts like a swarm of bees around my head. I hate everyone on the street and God forbid anyone get in my way. Usually running makes me feel good and it does later on but during the run, wow.
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self.depression
|
People I thought they were friends... Turns out I don't have any 'real' friends. I'm all alone, no one want's me or needs me in their lives. Why the fuck should I keep going on..
It all seems so dark, and it feels like people around me are just waiting until I kill myself finally. Maybe I should try it again?
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self.depression
|
My fucking headphones broke. I've been without music for 18 hours. Fucking save me. I'd quit smoking for a fucking week if it meant i had new headphones, god fucking damn it.
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self.depression
|
Ever heard of the schrodinger's soul effect? The schrodinger's soul effect
Like the cat, the schrodinger's soul effect makes it so you can't know whether or not you're dead inside before you look, it might be one, the other, both or none at the same time.
But the act of looking and searching inside to see whether or not you're dead change will change the result.
So by digging the answer up, you might actually make it so you're not so dead inside after all... or that you are.
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self.depression
|
Long term depression I have suffered with depression since the age of 17 due to a family event. In those 13 years I would say I have had maybe 3 months of feeling comfortable and happy. I have tried therapy and it hasn't helped, I feel like I just can't move on from the past and every time I try and move forward my brain automatically goes into negative mode and already say I will fail before I have started. I get into a place where I become very angry at my family even though they have supported me the whole time and just sit in bed zoned out and just feel like giving up and just not wanting to be here anymore (I had a failed suicide attempt in 2016).
I read this sub everyday maybe as a comfort that there are others like me and I am just typing this out to vent more than anything else. But if there are any older sufferers out there with any tips I would be grateful as I am worried i getting back to my darkest place again.
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self.depression
|
My end I am and have been, more than just contemplating.
I have set dates to do it. To finally let go. All the dates have passed but what do you know, it is almost the end of the year and I don't want to see the next one.
No one to talk to. No one knows. No one will know (till I’m found) my hatred and anger will be gone as my blood hits the ground.
All the anguish if pain and torment that I’ve known. No one will read about it and nobody knows.
I am tired . I crave the grip of my shotgun. No more tears but a bang. No more being left behind as I leave this fucked up world.
They will only see a mess OF my head. But not the mess that’s INSIDE it. The heart is filled with pain and no hope.
No more tearful so called holidays, no more eating one in Silence.
They will see what remained. But won’t even notice what’s gone.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don’t know what to do with myself anymore these days. Hi i’m almost 17 and my life has been pretty good lately until yesterday. I don’t know why but I have no motivation anymore and I just feel so alone and empty, clinging onto any little bit of communication I have. I just don’t know what to do anymore...
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self.depression
|
Can I go Only one person on this earth truly believes my story, and he's my bf so I find it hard to talk about this with him. My best friend died on monday, and he was the fourth person who was close to me that died within a four year period. First it was my dad, then my maternal grandma, then my paternal grandpa. My best friend and I were friends for 10 years but for a lot of the time it was secret bc we lived in different countries which meant our entire friendship was online and people didn't believe our friendship was real bc they thought I was a catfish, or it was weird that we never met up. We went to the same elementary together when we were 8-9 and when I left we skyped and messaged each other almost every single day. He was my only friend for the majority of my life, and was with me for everything. I don't want to go through grief anymore, and I'm scared to lose someone else. Last year he proposed to me, and we were going to get married but he started national service and there wasn't enough time. I've never really had any friends, and him and my bf now are honestly the only true people that really loved me. I don't know if i can wait until i grow old and i'll see them. I miss them every day, and it's not fair to constantly put the burden of consoling me on my bf. Wouldn't it just be easier on everyone if I go?
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self.SuicideWatch
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"IF I DON'T BINGE EAT..." Then what?? I'll die??? I've been dealing with anxiety by binge eating for years now, and thanks to some mental exercises via therapy, I caught myself thinking this today. And I immediately saw how absurd it is! The answer is of course - nothing. Nothing will happen. But I couldn't even complete the sentence when I realised it. It's just hit me like a tidal wave to know what a silly thing it is to be afraid of. Now everytime I try to answer it I laugh at how absurd it sounds.
I'm building a healthier life for myself, and each step feels lighter and lighter. I hope you all have an awesome day/night!
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self.offmychest
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19 and my mom just died So I've never really posted on reddit, I usually just read other people's posts but I guess I need to vent. So my mom died on halloween. She died from cancer and I don't even know how to explain how I feel it's just beyond horrible. I feel so alone and like my life is one big joke bc horrible traumatic things CONSTANTLY happen to me. I can't be even slightly happy about something without it getting thrown in my face. But anyways, she was my only parent, really my only family, I feel like I have no one and nothing anymore. We didn't have the best relationship but she was all I had and I just feel like shit!!! like i'll never be able to talk to her again or complain to her or have her be proud of me and it just sucks. I never ever expected my mom to die. I figured after all of the horrible stuff I've been through, I deserved for things to get better for me now and I had already like...reached the peak of horrible things, if that makes any sense. My mom is the only person who really knew me and understood me and I could talk to about anything. And I just feel so alone right now it's ridiculous. I'm mad at her for leaving me, mad at God for everything. I try to hang out with friends I've been going to counseling but none of it makes me feel better, I can't talk to anyone the way I could talk to my mom and it just sucks bc I want to talk to her but now I never will again. I just feel so beaten down by all the horrible shit that's happened to me like? I don't even feel like a person anymore I feel dead. I've surpassed depression I just feel like nothing. I don't know how I'm gonna make it through college bc I have no motivation anymore and also money, I barely had a support system before but now i REALLY have nothing and no one. nothing's ever gonna be the same. I keep thinking nothing can get worse and it always always does. I have stupid fucking health problems too and I've been living off of ice cream since february idk why i'm still alive but fuck i can't even eat my feelings. everything just sucks. and now i can't even talk to my mom about it. i really don't know how i'm gonna make it through the rest of my life. whatever. guess i'll die ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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self.offmychest
|
Thoughts I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Maybe a little too much. It feels like everyone I know is kind of drifting away. Idk..maybe it’s just me. It’s like I try to talk with them and laugh along with them but...somethings..off? I feel like no one likes me anymore. I mean..why would they? I don’t even like myself. I’m not looking for everyone to like me, I just want to feel accepted and not pushed away for once. I need a friend..someone who knows what I’m going through. Someone who I can trust. I’m lonely, and all I really have is myself to turn to. I don’t like myself, my insecurities and anxiety are suffocating me. I can’t look people in the eye anymore, and conversation with people is really hard. I sit alone..no one to talk to. All I have are the thoughts in my mind..the awful thoughts that drive me to insanity. I’m very self conscious, which I hate. I want to be able to feel comfortable in my own skin. Society has told us that we have to be “perfect” to be accepted. Idk if that’s what they mean but that’s what it seems. Everyday I see beautiful people. Perfect bodies, long gorgeous hair..while I’m sitting here with what? Nothing. I can barely feel anymore. Sure, I have feelings, but it’s different. I have feelings but I can’t actually feel. Idk how to explain it. It’s like I’m just kind of here. Just here trying to get to the next day. What’s the point? People say I need to find a reason. Well, I have reasons. My family, I couldn’t stand to hurt them. They’re why I stay. Everything is confusing. It’s like I’m living in a world where nothing matters anymore. I’m trapped. And idk if I’ll be able to escape.
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self.offmychest
|
I refuse to stand down from a job I love. In a confession post I talked about M. M showed up at my workplace, asking about husband. I can link it in the comments or you can go to my post history to read it.
Anyway, M would show up anytime I ran the register (which was creepy as I hadn't seen him in years). I work around the store but work the register if I'm needed. So M tells me that he's unsure about getting a job where I work. The second time he appears he apparently made his decision. Now he has a job here.
I'm happy he has the job, good for him... I just don't want to be around him because he creeps me the fudge out. My husband found out and went on a rant. He's afraid that M might hurt me. (I am too but I know the employees will have my back).
My boss has been talking about putting me in the same department as him but I'm not going to accept (I already have my words to explain why). I just hate how I worked so hard to get where I am and M comes in like a hurricane, dashing all the hope. I was ready to quit when I heard that he came in for an interview.
I'm at my wits end because M just appeared out of nowhere and is about to invade my space.
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self.offmychest
|
I just wish this would all go away and end. I've struggled with depression for years. It's gotten so much worse within the last couple years. I feel like I'm a burden upon my family and friends. I wake up in the morning wondering why I was even given another day when other lives are taken that do not deserve it...I feel like nothing I do matters. I'm aware I sound like a teenager just going "Wah, Wah, Wah", but I assure you that isn't the case. Oh, and to add onto that note -- I'm gonna be 25 soon.
Today is the first day I've sat by myself, listened to music and those thoughts had crept back in. "Why am I here? Would it matter if I just disappeared? Would it take that pain away? Why am I feeling the pain now?" So on and so forth...my brain wants to just never wake back up or deal with this life anymore...
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Not sure where to leave my note So I'm struggling with a place to leave my note that will be obvious to my family after I die so they can find it and read it, especially because it includes instructions about my funeral (i don't want them wasting money on it) and shit like that. they need to find it as soon as they can.
I don't want them to find it before I kill myself though, which is difficult. because I am an impulsive person and I don't know exactly when I'm going to do it, just that it is definately happening soon.
I don't want them to find it before I die and freak out. What should I do where should I leave this.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does music like "hurt" anyone else or hard to listen to? I feel like my brain gets overloaded like a child or something, I can't listen to heavy metal or hard electronic music like I used to, it almost hurts or stressed me out or I just don't FEEL it. Can anyone else relate?
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self.depression
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Another weekend alone Yet again I get to spend the weekend alone in bed crying because no one wants to hang out with me, be my friend or even text me.. I hate it.. I wish I had some friends
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self.depression
|
Currently experiencing a panic attack after smoking can I get some words of encouragement please [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Seasonal mania...treated with lithium? I'm wondering if anyone else is asymptomatic the entire year then hits a period in the fall or winter where they get a manic episode with psychosis and require hospitalization? I've been battling this since 2010. After every episode, they tell me I need to stay on a medication. Each time, I've tried something else because the medications never make me feel 100%. I like training in combat sports and being social and ambitious and the medicine takes that away. I'm currently in a court process where the medicine is court ordered and I'm not messing around because I don't want to get abilify injections like they've given me in the past. The doctor says I have a bipolar 1 diagnosis, even though I don't experience depressive episodes. But when they give me lithium, I can't help but show signs of depression. I don't feel like taking a shower, I don't feel like doing anything, I really don't even feel like making this post, I'm just trying my hardest because I am not sure what else to do. It seems stupid to ruin my life by taking medicine year round when the symptoms that are being treated only happen one time out of the year. Anyone able to be fast/strong/smart on lithium? It's been about two and a half months and I'm feeling like a zombie with no personality on 1200mg.
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self.bipolar
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Hello everybody, this time I bring more positive news. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Why are some days so much worse than others? Don't get me wrong, I feel terrible everyday no matter what. Nothing changed, yet everything feels worse on some days. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Everything is in a spiral and I see the bottom. It's not good. Mom died when I was 3, my dad and my grandma (dad's mom) raised me. Dad died in 2007 from alcoholism due to depression about my mom dying. Grandma died Jan 30 of this year. My parents, all my grandparents are dead and I'm not even 40 yet. I went to medical assisting school because I'm the one who found dad on the floor unresponsive and I didn't want that to happen again where I was helpless to do anything but fumble with the phone as I had the 911 operator on the line while trying to do CPR to no avail. Thousands of dollars in loans to become a medical assistant but I can't land a job in my field, graduated in 2010 by the way. Only reason I ever have a little bit of money is because occasionally someone I know might need homecare services. Job I had before last, the client tried to accuse me of roughing her up simply because she got caught in a mistake and didn't want to apologize. Luckily I can be out of a job for awhile because my dad left me a house to still pay off but since he never charged my uncles or grandma rent in over 20 years(there used to be 5 of us living in a 4 bedroom house), my uncle doesn't charge me rent. Still, I try to take jobs that come my way so I can at least contribute something. Cept my last job made me wish I never enrolled in school. It was my grandma. The woman who raised me since I was 3. She had alzheimer's for the past 10 years and most of those years she didn't really know me. I knew it would get really bad because I had an ex whose mom had early onset alzheimer's in her 50s. So I made a recording of my grandma before it got bad. Anyway, she got pneumonia in December after Christmas and was in the hospital for awhile in the beginning of Jan and when the doctors said she could come home, they also dropped the bomb that she only had 6 months at most left because of aortic valve stenosis, which at 96 would be dangerous to operate on. So now, I'm getting paid because I'm broke and can't find a real job, to watch my grandma, which I should be doing for free but I also need gas money to get there in the first place. My aunt would go to work at 7 and I would arrive at 8 and stay till 5, try to feed her, tend to her, etc, and my aunt would come back from work at 6. First week she seemed to improve a bit, was even able to get her sitting up in the bed, smiling while she was eating, then suddenly at the end of the 2nd week she was breathing badly, rattling in her chest and so I called my other aunt who lived nearby to find out where she had the nebulizer treatments in hopes of clearing up that sound in her chest (which I now know is called death rattle, how do I know, because of course I googled every thing while trying to understand wtf happened). The rattling calmed a bit, but she was very lethargic. The moment I mentioned the nebulizer, my aunt must have knew better because she texted all my uncles and my other aunt to come over. We're thinking maybe she will improve, hoping she would be there a few more days. That particular day, I had her birthday card with me because I had it on my dresser and the thought came to me that if she died before I could give it to her, I don't know what I would do. So despite her birthday being Feb 15th, I brought it to her on Jan 30. With both my uncles and one of my aunts there, I didn't feel bad about leaving her for that 1 hour before my aunt got home so I went home and an hour late I got the call she was gone. This is the worst feeling in the world for me. I can't speak for others, since not everyone has the same relationship with their family but I kinda feel like everyone close to me got snatched. My uncles and aunts got to have their mom and dad well into their 60's almost 70s and my and my dumb self lost everybody before 40 and I don't want to talk to them about it because they don't see what I see. What they see is, they lost their mom and to them I just lost a grandma like all my cousins, except no, cause I can't even remember my real mom or her voice and so my grandma was my mom. So now I feel especially f*ked up right now, can't really talk to my aunts or uncles about this, they all kinda look at me weird anyway because I'm the oldest of the grandkids but I don't have shit going for me. The aunt whom I was staying with, tried to be like a mom to me... until she had her own kid then I we didn't do much together anymore unless she was calling me over to stay with grandma so she could go out with her daughter. We were doing water aerobics together, on my suggestion but we stopped because grandma got worse and someone needed to be there and since I'm the go-to, but I was enrolled in the aerobics class, she couldn't come. But then there was horseback riding my cousin wanted to do, so my aunt asked me if I wanted to go since she didn't want my cousin going alone and all our other cousins weren't interested in horseback riding so I got the chance to go by default. Also my schooling doesn't count as a real school in her eyes, like the 4 year college she sent her daughter to. My other aunt and I don't do anything at all together, she's got 2 daughters and a son. One of my uncles is a chauvinist so I know better than to ask him anything and the other one thinks he knows everything because he skipped 2 grades to graduate college at 16 but also needs me to install apps on his phone for him. So here I am, I've got to figure out my shitty hand dealt all by myself which makes things even more complicated. Never been pregnant before because I wanted to make my dad and grandma proud by being married first. Managed to only ever find deadbeat cheaters, so gave up on that figuring, "when you stop looking, it's when you find it", cept if I ever have kids now they are missing half a set of grandparents because I wanted to be a good wife and not bring a child out of wedlock into the world. All my aunts had help with their kids from my grandma, who the hell can I rely on if they were busy dumping kids on grandma and then calling me to sit with grandma when they felt like partying or bowling tournaments. So yeah, this was kinda just a rant to get some depression and salt out. Not like I can say it to anyone in my family. Oh.. last but not least, that aunt that basically dumped me when she got her own kid, she has a habit of every christmas she buys my cousins so many presents she starts labeling from deceased relatives. Imagine how fun it is every year to hear about my cousin receiving a christmas gift from my deceased father, but not me. No doubt she will do it again this year and there will be an extra for her from grandma. I think I'm gonna skip Christmas this year. I was only even going over there the past 10 years because grandma was there. Now she isn't, so I can skip or, better yet, make an appearance and leave before they get to the fucking gifts. Thanks for reading my rant, I feel a little better. That will last for about an hour.
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self.depression
|
Why don't parents teach their kids to not be racist? Today I suffered racism for what is about the 5th time this month and it's just horrible. I was walking home today with my girlfriend and a group of black and asian teens (I'd say 8-9 15 year olds) started saying "get out of here whitey" and "this is our town". I politely asked them to stop but they continued to follow us on their push bikes calling me things like "snowman" and saying they were going to "get us".
I dont know what made me more angry, the fact that these children made my girlfriend genuinely fear for her saftey or the fact that these kids just had racism ingrained in them so much that they shouted it out on the street. Racial abuse is never OK be it towards black people, white people, asian people or any people. What is wrong with society today?
I just wanted to walk right over to them and beat the crap out of them and ask their parents why they had failed in their duty. Whats worse is that my girlfriend no longer wants to walk that rout home anymore due to the fear of people targeting her with racial violence due to her being white so now we are going to have to walk the long way home which adds an extra 20 minutes onto our journey. I dont know what I'm trying to say here, I guess I just wanted to vent. I never thought I would experience racism in my own town but I guess this is a fact of life for me now. -.-
PS I HOPE TO GOD I see one of those kid's walking with their parents to the local school near me. I CAN'T WAIT for that conversation!
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self.offmychest
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why Why do I feel like shit all the time? I think im at least a worthy person and then im not cause I isolated myself or cause im toxic.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel trapped... Burner account because worried about some people seeing it on my main.
I don’t really know where else to go with this. Today, after a build-up that’s been coming for months, I finally had a full-blown anxiety attack. The “can’t do anything, can’t think anything, just want it all to end” kind of anxiety attack. You know, the fun one.
I hate my job. I work something that people might consider enviable –Marketing for a financial company. Around a 40-hour week (usually closer to 50), white-collar, livable (not great) pay. However, I just hate it. I have no passion for the work, my boss gets off on talking down to me and treating me like her assistant, and I’m made to constantly fear what I do or say out of fear of losing it. As an example, I got written up to HR and put “on notice” for telling my boss I felt denigrated when she implied to others on a call that I was her inexperienced lackey and should be treated as such (I’ve been here for over a year longer than her).
I don’t even know why I got into Marketing. It’s a piss career filled with self-aggrandizing people whose only goals are to manipulate human behavior to sell more shit. Oh, and to let you know how goddamn amazing they are at doing it. It’s nothing but pointless strategy meetings, thousands of pointless emails, and dozens of people jumping down your throat because “there aren’t enough leads!!!” (Spoiler – There are never enough leads).
The problem is, I feel trapped. I haven’t been able to find another job after months of searching, and I’m dreading just doing this same thing somewhere else anyway. I can’t just quit either– I have a wife, we just bought a house, and she really wants us to have a kid soon (I do too, but recent anxiety and all is making me worried about what kind of Dad I would make right now…).
What do I do? What can I do? I feel imprisoned in a cage of my own making, getting stabbed with spikes I helped sharpen. The only passion I have is writing, which hasn’t gotten me much but one (unpublished) novel and a second that is taking longer and longer to finish as I become more and more drained from my crap job.
I love my wife. I want to do whatever I can for her. But if this is my life for the next 40+ years…I don’t know if I’ll survive. Or if I’d even want to. From where I’m sitting, I don’t know that I’ll make it another couple years…but I can’t find a way out…
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self.Anxiety
|
Why did my boyfriend keep trying to be nice after insulting me for having anxiety? I got an email from a place asking if I wanted to come in and apply for a job in person. I asked my boyfriend to show me where the place is. When we got into the parking lot he told me I should go in there now and apply. I told him I'll come back and do it tomorrow. He's like "geez are you that damn shy? Seriously do you have like an anxiety disorder or something? Are you that scared of people? You never come into the stores with me. You give your mom money to do your grocery shopping for you."
Seriously and then when we got home he tries to be all nice to me and giving me hugs and kisses.
Why is he being like this?
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self.Anxiety
|
Has anyone ever come off daily long term dose of benzo and not gone through hell? Reason I ask is for the majority of my days the past 8-9 years I have taken benzo in one form or anothwr( when I was younger it was .5 to 1 mg Xanax a day) to more recently 1-2 mg of kpin a day. I never upped my dose even though benzos have not given me relief I'd say in 5+ years. I continued use for psychological reasons because in my mind if I don't take it even though I feel like hell even with it, I would completely fall apart. Also fear of withdrawl. Like I said I've never upped dose even though these meds haven't done anything remotely relieving for me in ylears. Because of this is it possible I've already gone through a type of tolerance withdrawl and coming off them completely rly wouldn't be that bad for me? I realize I've taken benzos for a very long time but at the same time the dosage has always been relatively low, and I haven't gotten relief from them in years. I also hear that some ppl actually feel better coming off benzos after long term. Any thoughts much appreciated
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self.Anxiety
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What really gets me I son't have the feeling that anyone really understands me, because I am unable to express my thoughts correctly. I am currently in a position where I am unsure as of what to do with myself. Its not that I have a bad life or anything. I actually have a pretty good life, in my opinion. I attend a private school, have a job on the side and even live in my own apartment. Also, I've been in a good relaltionship for the past 2 1/2 years. My boyfriend and I are even considering moving in together.
For some reason though, I have been changing a lot since we met. At least he says that. I tried convincing him that what he means is the natural fading of the rose colored glasses we all know of, but he is convinced that it is more than that.
After a few months of frequent arguments about exactly this, I began analyzing my own behaviour and, upon reflection, I do notice that my behaviour has changed.
My first theory was that my brain is still adapting to a life without pills - I used to take SSRI's and something against my anxiety before I met my boyfriend. I got rid of them shortly after we met, because I firmly believe that I dont need them anymore. I should reconsider that thought.
Anyways. What really got me was when a fight broke out between us about a week ago. We had an argument, again about the trending topic in our relationship, and got extremely fed up with that. We started yelling at eachother, and my boyfriend became so agressive that I was scared of him for a minute. He had such a fierce stare it was frightening. I know he would never hurt me physically, let alone intentionally, so it was more a matter of instinct than logical foreseeing fear. He is a strongly believing Christian and has set extremely high moral standards for himself.
Now, the fight became so intense, that he eventually kicked me out of his apartment - it wasn't late at night, but still dark outside. I was crying so heavily that I couldn't even breathe. Walking to the subway station was such a terrible experience, three people came up to me and asked if I was okay. One even asked if she could do anything for me. In those 7 minutes I spent walking down the street, my thoughts circeled around so many things. I was so upset, because I had no udea where our conversation had gone wrong. I couldn't understand his reaction and was unhappy to the bone.
I remember how I felt as though there was an invisble rope pulling me towards the street, and for a split second I thought what it would be like if I'd just run infront of the next car.
I even walked up to the edge of the street and watched them drive by, but I didn't want it to happen just yet, so I waited. Then I saw the many people around me and decided to continue down the road. When I finally reached the Subway, I pondered for a minute, thinking about whether or not to take the subway or the bus, because I really had no idea where to go. I just wanted to leave thid place. I felt so rotten and dead inside, like this wasnt the place for me to be. It was basically the amplification of the feelings I had been having since a long time.
So, a few seconds later, my boyfriend runs up behind me, stands tall in front of me, sweat running down his forehead.
The end of the story is that he saved me from doing something stupid, in a way, but I just don't want to know what mightve happened had he not followed me.
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self.offmychest
|
before i go. I'm slowly losing it. I'm in my 20s, I have a job I like enough, I have friends who I get to talk to when I'm not working, my relationships with both my parents are finally at a decent place. But I still just hate myself so much, and hate myself more than I hate my worst enemies. I've only tried to stay alive for so long mostly because of things to look forward to. I tried to kill myself when I was 15, but my mom stopped me, and then I kept trying to find things to look forward to. When I was in high school it was graduating, when I was in college it was graduating college and moving out of FL, when I was working in a field that I wanted to get into and was struggling to get my foot in the door, I just clung onto the thought that I'll make it somehow. Maybe it's been a bad few couple of weeks, but my ideation has gotten so much worse where I sometimes have prayed to go out a la Donnie Darko. I'm terrified that eventually all of those things will go away, and I'll have nothing to live for because things end eventually right? It's just easier to imagine a world without me in it rather than living in a world where I'm without anything, or worse, only left with my depression and anxiety. My dad tells me all the time that I have to find happiness from within, but I'm so afraid it's seeped away that I have none to cling to, so what's the point. I'm finishing up a current gig right now that ends at the end of the month, and don't have any prospects at the moment so I think I'm going in May/June/July, depending on how I feel. I'm visiting my best friend in June, so I have that one thing to look forward to. I just know that I don't think I want to be alive by my 25th birthday in July. Any suggestions on things I should try before I go?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I want to know what the consequences will be if I take my life on someone else’s property. Is it better to do it on public grounds? Do death by suicide cases get investigated to find out why someone may have taken their own life? And if so, if there is evidence of someone asking for help and others ignoring this person, will there be legal consequences?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Despair and depression Is despair a common symptom of depression. Is it something that comes after being depressed for a while or can you feel deep despair without feeling depressed. Do the two link together.
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self.depression
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what did i just do why did i do that
why did i do that
oh my god what is wrong with my WHY DID I DO THAT
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self.offmychest
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I should have done it long ago and now I regret it more than anything. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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My depression is ruining my relationship and I don't know what to do to fix it. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I am mentally drained Well, I got a problem with my teacher. I feel she like she is bullying me. Well, I am a good student, I prepare for lessons etc. And my teacher I guess does not like it? Well, I was answering last time (Idk if you do it Too, but in my country its normal that every lesson teacher ask somebody to answer some thing we have learnt in that class and she grades it)... Well last time it was horrible. She must hate me. She gives me so many answer and if i simply do not know to answer some of them. She is like sure, because you do not understand it... you are just mechanically learning it. And I think She just love to embarass me in front of everyone :( you know I am quiet kid and every class She is like why dont you tell anything. When We are learning something new she keeps asking me question Bcs I never tell anything. Etc. When some of the kid who never learns anything is answering she gives them almost the same grade as me because she feels like they have logic even tho they tell her basically nothing. She doesnt ask them almost anything. I hate that class not because of grades but because of that I am really trying, I am the only one who learns something and She just keeps humiliating me. I have never had this problem before but I just can not anymore :( seriously I am mentally drained and I hate going to school because of her. Its just 3 more months of her class but I am so done.... I am lying in my bed and crying. I feel terrible What Should I do 😢😢😢
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self.depression
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Prisoner to medication & negativity Recently I received some bad news at home — another health issue one would think would never impact me, even indirectly. I don’t want to get into those details, but it led me to decide I needed to stop medication because my “luck” is so bad no matter how good the medication I am still going to endure an incessant stream of negative events and circumstances that will overwhelm me. My life is a story of waste: Brilliant, but not using that brain power at work; successful, but not enough to reach my goals. Nothing ever comes easy and I see bad people left and right get their way. It drives me nuts, and feeds into the “black and white thinking” that plagues me. So I met with my doctor to ask how to get off my medication altogether. Previously, he expressed shock at the cocktail I was taking and said he would not continue the malpractice of my old doctor, who recently closed her practice. He did not try to convince me to stay on the medication, or change to something else. I’m thankful he was honest about the methods to get off the pills. But, it turns out the safe way to get off my medications will require over a year of weaning off them. I wanted to stop going to doctors soon, but now I have to go through this process for over a year. I handled the news well, surprisingly well. Still, it is incredibly difficult to live with my negative thinking, disturbing life events, a constant sense of failure and inadequacy, and potential withdrawals so serious I have to go through a year of tapering off meds. I just needed to vent. I feel like I have no one and nothing. I constantly mutter things under my breath (often without realizing it) such as “I hate my life.” It’s just hard to see how the story of my life turns out well.
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self.depression
|
24 going on 25 and still don't know what to do with my life... ...should I just kill myself? Everything and everyone's moved on in the blink of an eye. All with jobs and in happy relationships. I can't find joy in anything anymore. I haven't accomplished anything. Don't have a university degree, even though I'm considered "smart" or whatever... what a joke. I've tried so many things, but the teachers always told me I wasn't good enough, some even mocked me: for my handwriting, being too slow...you name it. I have a weak character and am finally left with zero self-confidence: having nearly everyone you encounter bitch about you or dislike you, will do that. I'm tired of being told I'm not good enough: my dad has said that to me since I was a kid. My mom used to love me, but she too has given up on me, since I gave up on life: dropped out of three courses, cause I don't know my purpose/ am anxious/ have low self-esteem/ people made me feel like shit.
I have one degree in psychology, but it means jack-squad in the scheme of things. I can't see myself functioning in this world: doing a boring job till I'm 60+. Also, I'm gay and it took me almost 10 years to fucking accept that, all that time wasted. It doesn't matter anyway, I was born ugly and will likely never find someone crazy enough to love me. Bet that's why people are so harsh too. If I'd been pretty, maybe I would've had slightly better luck. I'm sorry beautiful people: I love you, but you can't deny you have advantages sometimes. Whatever idk, life just feels like a nuisance.
Even my therapist often seems frustrated with me, cause I refuse to conform to society's stupid rules. I know I sound like a teenager, but that's just how I feel. I got stuck somewhere and have the permanent mindset of an emo teenager, I don't know why. I see how miserable my dad, bro and sis are, after they've worked the entire day. They barely have time for other stuff, I don't want that. I don't want a regular job, I don't want to be cookie-cutter normal, the thought makes me miserable. I wanna be creative, but I don't think I'm good enough to be a writer or an artist. I've never gotten recognition for the things I love, probably cause they aren't useful in this world, where social status is everything. So yeah, sorry for ranting, but this has been building up for a while. Anyone maybe wanna talk?
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self.depression
|
Exercising with Anxiety I have been battling with anxiety for 4 years now and I am finally getting to a point where I am starting to break free of it's chains. However, the last hurdle (if you will) is exercise.. whenever I start to exercise or engage in anything physical my breath becomes very short and i start focusing on my heart rate, which in turn normally leads to me having a panic attack. Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you combat it?
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self.Anxiety
|
Why do I feel like this I used to think depression was hard to deal with, but constantly wanting to die gets very easy to deal with and doesn't have a lot of physical impacts (except low motivation and unhappyness)
Anxiety is fucking BEYOND crippling I'm sitting in my bed at 4 am so jitterry I can barely type I feel like I just drank 20 redbulls
My head is spinning so damn fast my stomach feels so fucking weird I'm on the verge of throwing up for no reason
really need some advice to fall asleep tonight
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self.Anxiety
|
How do you deal with those who refuse to acknowledge your disorder? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
What's the most expensive thing you've bought during an episode? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Does anyone else turn the TV on when you're alone, just to hear someone else's voice? I'm trying to hide from the lonliness.
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self.depression
|
I feel empty. I am completely empty. The only thing I feel when it's not appropriate is overwhelming sadness. I used to be a happy, independent, strong woman. I'm now overweight, empty, and feel like I don't fit into my own life. I can't talk to my boyfriend of three years about it because we've talked about it 3000 times and it's worn him down to a nub. My depression has ruined my life, my relationship... Pretty much anything I can think of has been destroyed by this stupid fucking disease. And I have no idea how to dig myself out of it. None. I've tried medicine, I've tried anything I can think of. I just don't want to exist anymore. I feel like it would be better for everyone. Not that I'd ever kill myself. But just not existing would be nice.
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self.offmychest
|
I just had my first break up and feel like i made a mistake. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Me [26/m], her [24/f], need to vent. not in a relationship. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Lorazepam gets me to sleep but only for about 5 hours or so, do I need to up my dose or is this normal [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Depressed Kid (Very Original... not) About 1 year ago I moved from where all my friends where to a new place in the country. Since then I have gained 35 lbs, but have lost it due to wrestling. I’ve never done it before and it is one of the few thing I enjoy. The other being music. The main factor of my depression is school. I am a Junior in High School, about to take SAT’s, almost straight C’s (brought them up from D’s, because my mom threatens to take all my stuff away). I have no hope of getting into any good college. My mom constantly badgers me about school and how important it is. I just don’t care about it. She tells me to get more sleep, do homework, eat more food. She thinks this will cure me of all my problems. I have 2 friends at my new school, but I just can’t talk to them like I did with my old ones.
I don’t really know what any of this means. I just know that I am depressed, bored, but not suicidal. I just want to sleep, see my old friends, and never think about school again. Just thinking about those three things makes me so happy.
(Please excuse terrible writing, I know I’m illiterate. Also, first post on reddit. Also, if you have any tips on what I should do after high school let me know, if anyone responds.)
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self.depression
|
I should have done it that day in November It was the perfect time. Everything was right. I'd seen my family, I'd talked to them, and then I was home alone. It was raining. I had my playlist ready. I regret not doing it so badly. It's too close to Christmas to consider doing it now. I can't hurt my family like this. If it was up to me I'd be dead by now. I shouldn't have pussied out.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel like I've just told my SO "I'd like to fuckin die" and I don't so much as get a hug. Hi. My name is CocaineChestPains and I have suicidal ideations. I'm a cutter but I have to hide it per my sensitive occupation. They are, in fact, test cuts to see if I could actually do it.
I cut my deepest tonight and it scared the living shit out of me.
I cut because my SO and I had a misunderstanding, we'll say. When I perceive my SO is upset with me, the end is near. Every negative thought I've ever had comes barreling toward me and socks me one in the gut.
It was so overwhelming that I got as close to telling my SO how I feel and that I don't want to live if they are not with me (and happy about it). That my life does not matter any more. I boo-hoo'd. I sobbed. I damn near hyperventilated. My SO didn't pick up what I was putting down and is now sleeping peacefully above me as I tell the internet.
And my SO didn't even hug me before going to bed. Tell me how much you love me again? Tell me how much I matter? Tell me how much you need me? Oh, right.
What is the point of staying alive if your reason for living doesn't seem to care?? Well, there is the huge financial obligations we have. Let it be known that I am only here to type this because I don't want my SO to be stuck financially because of me (and hate me after death because of it, too).
I feel like I'm going to explode. Like there are too many negative thoughts whispering in the quiet. Like I'm being ripped apart from the inside out...Like death would be the most peaceful nap. I'm so fucking tired...of me.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
**TRIGGER WARNING** Is this OCD or actual suicidality? So I am suffering from ??intrusive?? thoughts about suicide.
Last night I was laying in my bed and decided to go to the kitchen to smoke a ciggarete. I was relatively fine. I was sleepy. As I was smoking I suddently looked in the place where we are keeping the knives and imagined getting a knife and s...... I got intense strike in the stomach and like an urge to do it, it felt real. Then I tried to calm my self but the thought "Life is meaningless" with somekind of weird ??future?? feeling came. The strike in the stomach became more intense, I immediately went to my room. I was no longer sleeping, and started googling about suicidal thoughts/suicidality.
Today I woke up with low mood and the pictures of yesterday stuck in my head, with a weird stomach feeling.
Also while I am writing this there is a feeling/thoughts that I just don't want to admit it. And a confusion if I am suicidal?
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self.Anxiety
|
It's NYE 2017 So I'm spending new years eve alone. Not entierly alone, I have my boyfriend and cats. But other than that I am alone. I dont have alot of friends left because I get very paranoid and anxious because those I went to school with whom I thought were my friends turned out to, well, not be my friends at all. I felt so betrayed and stupid so I guess I have a hard time opening up to people. But I do have friends.. i think. Well not very close but people I can have friendly and nice conversations and chats with!
But yeah. Those friends I have are busy today and I have asked multiple times if anyone was going to throw a party on NYE and never got an answer. I even said that if anyone would like a get-together I could host at my place. But no. It's soon midnight and I think I'm just going to go to sleep.
Happy New Year everyone!
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self.depression
|
Lil Peep I just really miss Lil Peep and I feel dumb about how sad his death is still making me? Never even met the guy but I literally haven’t been the same since he died
|
self.offmychest
|
everything is falling apart. Please help me... I can't do this no more [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Not in control. I have a bad habit of stealing my brother's ADHD medicine.
It started about two years ago. I was bored and wanted to "focus" on my upcoming exams, so I took the drug. It really didn't help me focus on anything, I just get really anxious and depressed, it's never a fun or productive time. Despite the effects of the medicine though, I keep finding myself coming back to it. Every day when I am feeling a little down or sad, I take a pill and let my day get worse.
.
I'm 18 years old and male. I do not have any friends/acquaintances in real life or online. I do not use any type of social media (reddit, forums, etc). I have no plans for my future. My family wants me to go to college, but since I was 14, I've always had a belief that I'll probably kill myself in the near future. I've always been very conscious about money, so I'm afraid of going to college and killing myself in a year or two and wasting my parent's money.
.
My whole life has been driven by jealously and a thirst for validation. I remember crying to my father because another boy on my basketball team was deemed better than me. Just a few years ago, I would spend hours at a time trying to convince others in an online game that I was "the best" or at least decent. Even now, I'm spending my time learning Chinese. I do not enjoy reading/listening to anything in this language, the only reason I continue to study is because I have an intense jealously at people (especially those around my age) who are able to understand multiple languages. I'm the type of person to focus on one or two things for a long period of time, so when I get into this state of jealously, it takes over my whole life. Despite my time and effort expended though, I've never actually achieved any success in the things I spend my time on.
.
About a year ago, I cut off all contact I had with other people online. I felt, and I still feel, that I'm just unable to really fit in with any community or group of friend online. I'm just on a different wavelength from those type of people. Or, more accurately, I'm just kind of a piece of shit. At best, I'm tolerable, but most people do not want to be around me (online) and for good reason. I'm obnoxious, arrogant, prone to jealously and overall I'm just a big egomaniac. I mean, this whole post is just about me. The only reason I'm writing this on reddit is so someone will respond and acknowledge my presence.
.
Which leads me to my final point. I don't want to stay in the "drivers seat." Every time I take my brother's medication, I come to this conclusion. I cannot stand myself. Every time I'm watching television, I think about how I could be studying a foreign language. Every time I finish reading a foreign novel, I just remind myself that I couldn't understand all of it. Even when I sit down to play a video game or something, the nagging is in the back of my head. I wish I could be satisfied with myself. I wish I didn't constantly feel the need to validate myself from others. I wish I had something I was good at. I just wish I wasn't built the way I am.
.
I'm not really good with threats, but there is this strip mall 5 minutes away from where I live. I always kind of wanted to jump off a building or bridge or something, but that's kind of difficult, so I just thought I would build up speed and drive into a wall. Kinda feel bad about wrecking the car though.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anxiety about cooking. Just for some background, I’ve been diagnosed with both anxiety and depression, but am not currently on medications because I haven’t found them to be helpful.
Besides my general anxiety and feelings of being a useless person, I get extra anxious when I try to cook. I’ll check the recipe several times for each ingredient because I’m afraid of doing something horribly wrong, which means it takes me forever to get even simple recipes done. Of course, the longer it takes, the more anxious I get because I feel more and more incompetent as the minutes fly by and I’ve barely accomplished anything (another overall problem for me, but especially bad when it comes to cooking).
Of course, this is all after getting through the grueling experience of shopping for groceries, which is among my least favorite things to do, especially when I need to get meat from the deli, because they’re sure to realize that I have no idea what I’m doing. No matter how many times I try to tell myself that it makes no difference whether or not people are judging me, I feel like everyone in the store knows that I’m not a real adult and that I don’t know what I’m looking for half the time, I just wander around hoping the ingredients on my list will jump into my cart and pay for themselves, because good lord, I don’t want to talk to a cashier right now.
Anyway, I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice or people who can relate, or if I just needed the therapy of putting thoughts into words. Either way, I hope this is more relatable than I think it is!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I genuinely get hurt when I see people getting success Because I truly realise I might actually not do something worth doing in my entire life. I just don't have the attitude and charisma to impress people and I am not smart enough for most things. I get hurt when I see people moving forward every day and I am just stuck.
|
self.depression
|
Anxiety Affecting My Job Performance. I've struggled with severe anxiety and depression, but have been doing a lot better since switching medications in 2016. That being said, it's been hard for me to do my job, once in awhile. It's been more frequent, lately. I've had to call out a couple days because life just feels like "too much" sometimes. I love my job and I'm scared that my bosses may look down on me. I broke down having to call out of work, today, in addition to just "I'm a mess" behavior for the past couple months. I panicked and told my bosses all about it. I felt that I needed damage control, but I wouldn't be surprised if my long apologies just make me look worse. I do a great job while I'm at work, I've just been having these little "hiccups" that I'm sure make me look like a questionable employee. I'm going to push myself to make a better impression as an employee. I'm just afraid of already doing damage to how they view me. How do I move forward from all of these feelings?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I just wanna run My insides are running. I'm receiving the vibrations of the universe. I just wanna run around and release the energy and share the vibrations. I want to run away and go on a great adventure!
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self.bipolar
|
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