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I feel like I might burst.. I am so incredibly proud of my SO right now.
I know most posts here are people getting negative things off their chest but I hope this is welcome.
SO’s sister has just had a baby. She was always a bit shy and her Boyf is just as shy.
When we got the call that her waters broke my SO burst into tears cause he was so proud of her. He said he was just ecstatic for her and the life she has managed to build for herself after struggling to find her place in society while growing up.
He called me to let me know baby had finally been born after almost 2 days of labour and he was in tears then. He was so so chuffed. He has since done nothing but boast about how happy he is to be an uncle, how proud he is of his sister and how he can’t wait to meet baby and give him a massive squish! (We live a distance away, otherwise he would have been there for the birth)
Seeing him so happy for his sister and so excited about the baby has just filled my heart with love and adoration for him. He is an incredible brother and he will be an amazing uncle. I’m just glad there will come a time when my children get the privilege of calling him Daddy. God knows how emotional he will be when it’s his own!
Thanks for reading, I’m just overwhelmed with love for this man and thought it’s nice to share a positive anecdote!
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self.offmychest
|
"You're not alone." "Someone else is having a worse situation compared to you." Is that supposed to bring me comfort or something? Because it doesn't. If I was starving to death, and someone is telling me that I'm not alone because there are other kids who are starving to death as well, try to guess whether that makes me feel better or not.
Is that really one of the basic principles of human nature? To make one self feel better by acknowledging the mutual suffering of others? If I say that the world is not fair, and someone agrees with me, is it moral for me to blatantly accept that notion and just carry on with my sweet suffering of life itself?
I've been pretending to be happy for years, and you know what........that little spark of hope is about to fade out.
Heh.......... I'm so angry and sad ........
|
self.depression
|
Cheers to you all. This sub helps me cope. I don’t know why hearing people are struggling as much as me, or even worse, helps me, but it does. I’m sitting here lonely as ever in an empty apartment, all my roommates gone back for the holidays to families that love them. There’s not much to my life right now. But cheers to you guys. I wish you all the luck in getting into better situations, but for right now I’m glad in your in the shit hole with me.
|
self.depression
|
do naps trigger depression? can someone relate to this? like most of the time i go take a nap, ESPECIALLY in a sunny day, esp when the sun is setting and i wake up after and hour or two, i feel so lost and the loneliness is reinforced like 10 times. i feel like ive missed out on life and feel more of a failure by just sleeping. like ive wasted time. and the most depressing part is having no one to go enjoy the sunset with, or go out or do anything. its ugh
|
self.depression
|
My parents hate me This is what I finally needed to break free and die
Goodbye
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I love my wife, but I am getting sick of her complaints! Hi everyone,
This will be a bit of a venting post.
So to give some of a back story, I'm 24 and my wife is 30 and we have been married forb5 years. I am currently a full time University student and I work part time as well. My wife, isn't really doing anything. For medical reasons she can't work full time, so is looking for part time work, which is absolutely fine.
My issue is she constantly complains about her life. It has been about 3 years since she has had a job or done anything that meant having a daily schedule. Sleeps in till 10 every morning, which results in her not being tired at night, so when I need to go to sleep becuase I have a 6 30 start every morning, this becomes difficult, ultimately resulting in me being tried everyday, of every week. Which she doesn't seem to understand, and gets angry of I want to go to bed early.
Now she complains about her life, her situation, how wishes she married someone different ( someone more established) so she doesn't have to go through hard, poor times and how she wants to go on a damn holiday. Every week, she complains about wanting to go on a holiday, and god forbid if she sister, does anywhere for traveling, this makes the situation 10x worse.
Where are we meant to get the money for this bloody holiday. I already work 20hrs a week, plus University on top of that. It drives me crazy.
I get she is stressed out about her direction in life, but I feel she doesn't see things from point of view.
She constantly goes on about her scrafices she has made being with me. (Just to clarify, she is a 10/10 and I'm probably 5/10. ) I have made scrafices too! I get up every morning at 6 30 to go to work and then to university, and the small amount of money I do have spare, I try buy her nice things. I have not got myself anything in 3 years. What annoys me, is she doesn't even see the small things I do, yea they are small, but I try to make the best out of the situation.
She says she wants to be more independent. I tried to motivate her to go to a job agency, becuase she wants work, but she always makes excuses, I tried to teach her to drive, but she makes excuses not to go. Then gets pissed off about her situation.
I get she probably feels the same about me in some respects ( me complaining about work, life, other things), and we will get through this, but It just really annoys me how she complains about everything, but does nothing to fix her situation.
|
self.offmychest
|
For all those who feel like they have lost their creative side... I used to be a writer. Once upon a time, I was made of words. They came to me in well-arranged strings and constant snippets. They filled my head in my waking hours and at night, while I was asleep, they transformed themselves into dreams. There used to be so many words, so many stories to tell, so many thoughts to translate into ink. There were so many that sometimes I became too full. The words started to seep through my skin. I could wash them away when I showered, I shed them like flakes of my very own being.
Then one day they stopped coming. Maybe it's not really a day. In truth, it was more of a process over what feels like a lifetime. One day there was less and a little more was gone, and then a little more and then a bit more. Before I knew it, there were none left. I was far from a good writer. What was important was that the writing was there. It was something I could turn to, that I held on to to make sense of a complicated word. It wad who I used to be.
It's a lie. A long time ago someone told me that the words that mattered would return to me over and over again until I wrote them down, polished them, and made them magnificent. That's not true. The worlds are all gone now and they are nowhere to be found. On the inside, it feels like I am a void of nothingness so maybe that is where they went... they left and the container is empty. I am empty.
As I count my passions there none left. When did reading become a bore? When did curiosity become too much work? When did art become so bland? How is it fair that a blaze of my fire was snuffed, while others burn brighter than before? It's even tiring to think. My brain feels like it is constant full of honey, like it was taken out of me a long time ago and now it's swimming in a chemical tank.
I tried. I tried to get the words back before but they don't seem to want to come back. I searched in all places but only found sorrow. The world is a noisy, chaotic place and there are a million like me and a million more becoming what I was. There are writers more recognized, better... I ache on the inside and mourn my loss in the face of friends getting their books published, of winning awards, of doing something I know not how to do. I cannot live like this anymore... telling them my congratulations and giving them my support while all the while I am dying on the inside.
And how do we know it is good, anyway? So many people dictate what one should think is good and there are so many options now how do we make sure we are looking at something that is truly great or if we just made up a brand new prize for the mediocre?
I am a mix of jealousy, or rage, of loss, of fear. There is envy for those who are writing and who are good. There is rage at the world that makes no sense and there is fear that I was less than all I imagined myself to be. I became the very thing I was afraid of being: nothing... not even a writer anymore.
This is all about loss. A loss felt by the painter who found all the colors in his palette were grey and he could no longer see the picture. It is a loss about those who have heard music but now their ears have gone deaf to everything but the mundane. Have you ever felt the way I have?
TL;DR: I used to be a writer then I stopped. I told the story of what it felt like to slowly lose that passion (and others). I touch on how it feels to be frustrated with the landscape of writing and how it hurts to see other people succeed. This is one of my hardest losses.
Thank you for reading. If you can relate, feel free to send me a PM.
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self.offmychest
|
chickened out of graduation, Let Everyone Down I am one of those people with really bad anxiety that has just become worse as I've gotten older. I have tried really hard to get over myself and just do what I'm supposed to do- I just try not to think about things and just fake it when the time comes. It usually works for me. This time, the big thing was my college commencement ceremony.
I finished my bachelor's in August, and my mom really wanted me to walk in my graduation ceremony. I knew how important it was for her but when the day came to do pre-registration it's like the "no" switch just flipped in my head and I couldn't go through with it. I got past the first two "stations" for it, would have had to go through a room with seven more stations including getting your photo taken and speaking with career services. I asked one of the staff members if I had to complete all the stations and they gave me a weird look and questioned why I would even want to skip one. I told her I had to step outside and I ended up just walking to my car and calling my mom to tell her I wouldn't be doing it. The thought of having to go through a 4+ hours long ceremony where I am trapped in a room full of yelling people is terrifying to me.
Even with my mom telling me on the phone to go back I didn't. I don't know what's going to happen on Thanksgiving, I feel ashamed that I couldn't just do what she wanted me to do but I'm also relieved that I don't have this looming over my head until December. Did anyone else not go to their graduation when other people wanted them to? Also before anyone replies telling me to be ashamed for depriving my parents of this, I already know, it's already done.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Tips for how to lose weight without kicking in either depression or mania? Im really struggling.
edit: ok folks, I know how to lose weight by reducing calories. what Im looking for are tips on managing mood while on calorie deficit.
|
self.bipolar
|
Why can't I cry anymore? It feels like now since I've been through so much pain for so long, my body just wont let out any tears because there is none left. Even when I wan't to cry I can't. I feel like I've lost all emotions that I've had left, I kind of just feel like a robot, or a psychopath.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Hollywood sex allegations Louis CK, George Takei, and Mark Schwahn (One Tree Hill) have all committed sexual misconduct. After Harvey Weinstein was outed I am glad people feel they can speak out about all the sexual harassment and assault. Even powerful celebrities who make millions become powerless. And this is decades. It just makes me so disappointed and disgusted that all these people whose work I have enjoyed are part of the bigger problem. Basically all of Hollywood seems like it is a cesspool of bad sexual activity.
|
self.offmychest
|
Sertraline 100mg - First 5 days + week from hell. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression on Monday. My GP prescribed me 100mg of Sertraline to be taken daily as well as counselling.
Getting this diagnosis was no shock to me. Truth be told I have been suffering for years and this was my cry for help. I want to get better. As I always do before taking new medication, I took to the web to uncover the mystery that was Sertraline. I found many forums and websites stating that the side effects were horrible in the first few weeks. I also found that most people are started on 50mg of Sertraline not 100mg! This had me worried a lot and I delayed taking the medication until Wednesday until I was sure I was ready to commit to the medication for the next year.
I have been experiencing horrendous nausea. I’m talking 70% of my day has been nauseated. I have been unable to pin point any triggers. It just comes in random waves. I have also become more tired, but unable to sleep and restless. Constantly yawning and after yawning my throat does this thing where it wants to swallow but tightens and makes me gag instead.
N.b. The past few days I have been dealing with death in my family and have been grieving. So I am unable to tell 100% what is side effects and what is grief. But I am more thinking side effects as I have never experienced these before when grieving.
Hope this is helpful to anyone
|
self.depression
|
I just rewrote this post 4 times and each time I felt a little dumber. Nothing like writing paragraph after paragraph 4 times trying to pour my soul out on Reddit, only for one line not sounding quite right (like the first one of this sentence) which then devolves into thinking this is all shit and deserves to burn in a fire. God I suck as a writer.
Anyway, how are you all tonight?
|
self.depression
|
Off my antidepressants and my social anxiety is back? Stopped taking my antidepressants and I didn't realize how much more confident I was on them. Oh well.
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self.depression
|
Am I depressed or just lazy and ungrateful? Hello to whoever is reading this and thank you for bothering to read. I've looked through countless of websites and forums about depression and attempted many of the "Am I depressed?" online quizzes. But I'm still unsure whether I'm depressed or just lazy.
A bit of backstory: 2 years ago I was in a similar state of mind which lasted nearly a year. It was much worse though since I broke down and resorted to self harm and was on the verge of suicide. I was too much of a coward to actually do it though but I kind of wish now I did. Don't worry, I won't be commiting suicide any time soon because I know my parents will be upset if they lost their only child. The difference between now and then is that back then I could actually blame it on some problems I was having in real life even though they were really small compared to other people's problems and I felt like a pathetic loser even back then. I did get better thanks to my friends.
But right now I have no reason to be sad. I'm blessed with great family and friends and most of the things one would ever need in life. But I still feel so empty. I feel terribly unmotivated. Even getting out of bed feels like an incredibly difficult task. If I do manage to get out of bed, I'll just end up in some other room and spend the entire day on youtube or watching anime or listening to music; in other words, being terribly unproductive. I have zero motivation or will to do anything. I can't get myself to care about anything much.
My parents keep telling me how lazy I am, how I'm going to end up being a failure in the future, how I was way better a few years ago and that I should go study. I have zero motivation to study either. If I do somehow force myself to study, I can't concentrate. There's nothing I enjoy doing anymore. I did develop somewhat of an interest in art but I've lost interest. Even if I force myself to draw, I can never will myself to finish any drawing. Nothing is interesting to me except anime and talking to my friends. Sometimes I don't even have the will to watch anime and spend hours in bed self-loathing. I've lost contact with most of my old online friends and the few that I have now are usually busy and I don't want to bother them with my petty problems. My real life friends are also having vacations like me but they are enjoying their vacations and I don't want to disturb them either.
I feel like I'm an ungrateful piece of trash. There's nothing bad with my life except me. I'm just a waste of space and oxygen and food which would be much better off going to someone who will actually make better use of them than me. I never do anything right and am just a burden to my friends and family. Sometimes I feel like I'd be better off dead.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not considering going to a therapist because I'm scared they'll tell me I'm just a lazy pathetic piece of trash who should go get a life. Any replies are really appreciated. I just don't know what to do. Thank you for reading if you've read this far.
|
self.depression
|
I've had little to no contact with anybody in the past 3 days and I just need to write some of my thoughts to keep them out of my head [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Feeling angsty for the holidays I should be filled with gratitude since as of August I finally have a home. After 2 years of short sublets, motels, and crashing at friends and family, I have a home to call my own thanks to a dear friend.
It could be that this summer all my childhood suspicions were confirmed and I'm 100% sure my mom just doesn't like me.
It could be stress because both me and my husband freelance and so we're always waiting for that client check.
I'm in a new state with no local friends or family and just sort of dreading and hating this year.
For the last week I feel a tightness in my chest and feel like I'm going to cry.
My computer died this summer and my DSLR seems to be determined to join it. I'm an artist specializing in film and photography so these were/are critical tools for me.
I'm totally demotivated and having trouble wanting to do anything.
I feel like I'm letting everyone down including myself.
Sigh. Hopefully 2018 is better.
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self.offmychest
|
I don't feel like myself anymore Ever since starting Lamictal and Wellbutrin (Lamictal for 1.5 yrs and Wellbutrin for 2), I don't feel like "myself". I used to love reading and writing and being creative, but all those interests are out the window. My mind is just bleh half the time. I also have trouble sitting still/paying attention (can't spend more than 10 mins reading a book without stopping).
I also noticed ever since taking Lamictal, I've had memory and language issues. I seem sooo disorganized now, and I forget the simplest things (events, things to do). As for language, I forget the meaning to certain words, so I'm finding I'm always looking up their definitions. It's hard for me to articulate my thoughts in writing unless I have my "up" mood from time to time.
I went from writing, reading, and learning everyday to nothing. I went from a person so full of life and ideas and intelligence to someone so vapid and dead. It kills me that I'm like this.
What are your experiences?
|
self.bipolar
|
I confessed to THE woman today, feel like a weights been lifted. Like many of you here I’ve been doctor diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and I’m on medication for it.
So this woman, let’s call her T, she’s... everything I ever wanted in a partner. I fell head over heels for her and it was ruining my life. I was constantly worrying about every little thing I said to her or every thing she did and put that on top of all the other ridiculous things I worry about and it was quite honestly, killing me.
I don’t know how I managed to find it within me to say but today I told her everything. As I was saying it I could almost feel some of the anxiety just... leaving.
Ultimately, she rejected me. But T is a wonderful caring person and treated me with respect. I have feelings of disappointment of course but they’re almost drowned out by this overwhelming feeling of relief I have. It didn’t turn out how I had hoped and dreamed (and panicked and freaked out) but... at least for now, I feel better.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Trouble controlling anger? Has anyone gotten any advice about controlling your random anger outbursts? My therapist and psychiatrist are basically saying I need to talk to the other about it (Oh you need to talk to her about adjusting your meds, oh you need to talk to the therapist about different strategies) and not really helping me deal with it at all. Whenever someone makes me angry I start feeling and reliving every painful or hurtful experience they've ever caused and all the anger I had then comes back fresh and raw. I'm really running out of ideas on how to handle it.
|
self.bipolar
|
Divorce? Well, fuck.
I started the set of conversations with my wife that, I think, will lead to divorce.
I told her how I am feeling.
There were tears. There was anger.
Mostly, there was hurt.
I feel nauseous.
I have just hurt my best friend, my partner, my wife, more than anyone ever has.
Fuck.
What do I do now?
How can I be the man I want to be?
All paths of action leave me forsworn.
All paths of action hurt one that I love.
I wish somebody could hold me while I cry tonight.
|
self.depression
|
Deep urge to just weep Long time commenter/lurker first time officially posting. I am happy to be part of this community, as there are many good thoughts and intentions from you.
Today, the day before my birthday, I feel just horribly sad. I am at work and woke up with this feeling like I just want to cry.
I feel overwhelmed and stuck. Here is some background as to why I may be feeling this way. I just need to purge some thoughts, so it may not flow clearly.
Recently ended my relationship with my boyfriend of 5 years for a laundry list of issues I had tried to address over and over throguh the years with him putting little to no effort into trying to change (like getting a job, contributing to rent, cleaning up his messes, focusing on his art... not petty things). He is a nice guy, but we are really not compatible now, and I am ending it.... he is depressed and on meds (the catalyst to the breakup was him getting drunk on three occasions and being a general ass yelling until 3 am when I had to be up at 5:30am for work). So lack of good paying job he is unable to afford to move out. So I am currently stuck with an ex, in my house, who does not want to change, who can't take care of his own messes and who is not trying to improve his life for himself despite years of encouragement and assistance I gave him. It burned me out. I want to move on, but I still care about him as a person and want him to be ok. I have people saying I shouldn't.
To understand why dealing with drunk, angry throwing up all over him is not cool... I had an abusive relationship almost 10 years ago. The man in that relationship beat me, yelled at me and basically broke me emotionally. Having the situation that happened in October was a bit of a flashback for me.
So I want my space, he can't leave, my house is a mess, I work a job and a half, while he does 4 hours a day. I want to have some alone time to sort out my home, my finances and my life.
On top if that I am financially struggling, live in the Bay Area, have a great job but life here is expensive.
On the topic of my birthday tomorrow... that day has become a sore spot. Over the past few years only 1 time have I NOT had to pay for my birthday dinner with him (I would pay for both he and I). I basically gave up on the idea of doing anything because 1) It is impossible to get anyone to show up even on a weekend, yet I go to others birthday events which seem well attended, 2) I end up paying for my dinner and his, 3) I generally feel extra alone this time of year. My family lives on the East Coast and I am in California.
The only happy thing in my life right now is my job. But I know my job shouldn't be my life. I feel empty, but sad. Like I could cry at any moment. These days have been coming and going.
I feel used, ignored, forgotten and lost. My heart is heavy today.
|
self.depression
|
I'm NOT confident. I try but I'll probably never be. I'm ro scared to even talk to girls. Yeah. Real account no gimmicks. I've been hitting on this girl two grades below me for 3 WEEKS NOW. I met her and spoke to her during play rehearsals. I really want to go out with her, but when I'm too scared to even WALK towards her when she's with her friends, what the fuck is wrong with me. I try to tell myself I'm confident enough to ask everyday, but I'm too fucking scared to go up to her and worry what others will think. I try not to care, but I do. I tried to ask her out today, but I p***ied out as always and just talked to her about her exam. Then, right in front of my eyes, somebody else came up and asked her out. Fuck me. I blew my chance. I try but I feel like I'll never be confident like the others. I'm a fucking huge p***y no matter how hard I try. I never get invited to anything and so I get to sit at home bored outta my mind.
Apparently automod removes posts with the word p***y in it.
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self.offmychest
|
Need Some Advice When I wake up I'm fine but it's as if through the day my anxiety meter just constantly goes up and I don't know why. I'm trying to distract myself to keep it at bay, I've been doing breathing exercises to help and that helps some. I just don't know why my anxiety is just slowing raising and it usually doesn't go away till I'm in bed relaxing, after Therapy, or after I have a breakdown.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I dealt with a mean customer and kept it together I had a woman come in and something was broken on her purse and then I fixed it. She then decided she wanted it done to all of her purse straps and I quoted her $12, but of course she didn't like that price. I let it go the first couple times she complained, but she kept droning on and on about other things she had fixed here and how much they were. So I calmly walked back to my work bench and cut off the piece of leather I used to fix her purse strap and then handed it back to her and told her "there's no charge."
Her jaw hit the floor and she asked for the manager so I told her you're looking at him. She stormed out mumbling something under her breath after I told her to have a nice day. Then about 5-10 minutes later she called again to tell me to run a business you need to be a people person so I just hung up. My boss stands completely behind all my decisions he told me stories of people who complain about prices just to get it lower and that's exactly what this woman was doing. I got a little nervous and my heart was pounding, but I kept it together. I just wanted to write this down because I needed to tell someone.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Feeling overwhelmed The moment I walk into my house I feel this huge weight fall onto me. My distractions of outside life fade away and the stress I carry deep inside seeps it's way out. I picked up an extra shift at work today just to avoid coming home... Because at least there I'm distracted. Only six more months until I move out. That six months feels like it could not be longer... Fuck.
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self.offmychest
|
Trying to better yourself really does work I don't know about anybody else but Healthy eating, Working out, Meditation and Nofap really help with my depression
They don't kill it, I still have really negative thought but they make me feel like 10% better daily
If you want to try any of these things here's some advice
1.start small and on one thing at a time.
Want to workout? Don't just go and get a gym membership first commit to a quick 15 minute body weight workout daily and build it into a habit for a month
2. Give it 7 days
If you do it right all of these things should make your day to day experience bettering day 7 (Meditation has different results for everyone though)
3. Don't contemplate just do it
It doesn't matter if you don't have the gear or the right things. Just do something. Have terrible food at your? house start taking daily vitamins.
Don't have workout gear? Do a few sets of push-ups and jumping jacks and call it a day
Just do something.
Hope that helps. I know that some people have the brain imbalance type of depression (mine is circumstance related) but these things should still help just a tiny bit
Have a good day everybody
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self.depression
|
My friend declines an invitation yet again. I'm cutting her out. I lost the few friends I had in high school, and only had one left. She's pretty shy like me, but she had no problem making friends because she had a friendly face. She made a bunch of outgoing friends, and it's clear she preferred them to me. Even when tried to sit with her she said, "Oh, I always sit with Nina (one of her outgoing friends)" and always seems like she's trying to sound interested when she talks to me. She never calls, I always have to call her. And she always says she's busy when I try to plan something. I asked if she was doing anything for fall break, she said no, then I then I ask if she wants to see a movie, she says she's busy. Obviously I'm too boring for the shy girl. I'm just done with her. I wanted to invite her to my birthday in a few months, but now I will have no one.
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self.depression
|
The D word (the <internal> debate on disability) So I've discussed the issue with my therapist and settled on the conclusion that because (in the case of those with the luck and the means) bipolar disorder can be well managed and lives can proceed normally after an adjustment period, it does not qualify as a disability in cases not involving bureaucracy and reasonable accommodations/any other legal disability benefits. That is to say, the label of disability on bipolar disorder should only be applied in a bureaucratic setting.
That leads me to my current internal dilemma: I qualify for support through the Student Disability Services at my school in a variety of ways. I am trying for the first time since becoming symptomatic to take on a full load. I am also dealing with the post recent manic episode meds adjustment/sleeping 12 hours a day but not really sleeping well shit. I am also spending an absurd amount of time Not Studying by monitoring and enforcing a sleep schedule, making sure I'm eating, keeping stress levels as low as possible and torturing myself by coming on reddit. So relative to the average student, I have far less time and flexibility to actually work on shit (i.e. can't pull an all nighter for a lab due tomorrow). My symptoms are putting me at a disadvantage and I can see that. Should I utilize my student disability privileges?
If I do, it is admitting that this disorder is impacting my life sufficiently that I can't function normally.
If I don't I probably won't finish all the classes I'm currently taking and worse things might happen. And if I take a light load (again) then I am only being allowed to do so and not getting in trouble through my school because of my accommodations. So I guess I'll end up using them anyway.
So probably I'll use them. But that leaves me with the internal struggle: is what I am dealing with a disability or not? Is it temporarily a disability? What about all the monitoring and shit I'll have to do even after I have been stabilized for a while? Isn't that still limiting? If I take extra help does that mean I am not intrinsically good enough? Am I using bipolar disorder as an excuse to be sub-par?
|
self.bipolar
|
doctor refusing to give me meds So I have a doctor that has prescribed me both duloxetine and lamictal, knowing I'm bipolar. I called his office a few days ago to request a refill on my meds since I didn't have the money or time to go to an appointment (context: I'm seeing 3 other doctors for a bone infection so thats draining the bank). The receptionist told me she would see if my doctor would approve the refill. Called me back today and left a message saying I had to schedule an appointment to get my refills. Tried calling the office after work but after 4 attempts, I gave up. I have 4 days worth of meds, including todays dose. I'm freaking out, I go through horrible withdrawal from the duloxetine and I get so terrible and mean without lamictal. How can I get my meds???
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm head over heels in love with my casual hookup [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Meditation is so relieving to my anxiety is makes me want to cry with happiness. I'm so sick of feeling this way :'( I've felt anxiety surrounding my significant other for the last 3 months. Around whether or not it would last, her sexual past, and everything my mind could find to be upset about.
Every fucking day. Not being able to eat. Losing sleep over it. Having horrible dreams of guilt, and death (insane, I know).
It took me a while to even recognize that it was anxiety, and that I couldn't rationalize my way out of feeling this way. Because I knew it was all irrational and unfair. All I wanted was to be as excited about this new relationship as I knew I could be, and should be.
I started Headspace diligently over the past few weeks (the "anxiety" lessons). And holy shit. The real-time relief it provides me, as well as long-term, is so, so helpful.
I just want to express how relieving it is to feel even just a little bit more at peace. I know it is hard to meditate, and almost painful sometime. But that is the mind fighting any sort of peace, and that's why it's so necessary.
Just wanted to share my path to success in case anyone is browsing this subreddit feeling lost, as I do a lot of days.
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone else’s sleep schedule totally screwed up? I mean, generally. When anyone asks what my sleep schedule is, I basically say it’s either nonexistent or incredibly erratic. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember. Can anyone else relate?
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self.bipolar
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life I want to kill myself because. brake up with my gf I really miss her a lot and think about her. after breaking up with her I drink a lot and do hard drug and I don't have any friend at all and I hate my disability big time. no one knows me who I am
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self.SuicideWatch
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Next week i have at last 4 tests in school which i cant fuck up because of my marks monday, wednesday and the two most important on friday.
and i have no idea what to do because no matter how i try i fail
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self.depression
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If my health anxiety is like this at 23, how worse will it become at like 60? If im keep thinking that im having a heart attack every now and then despite it being quite rare for someone my age, then i feel by age 60 im just gonna go insane. The only thing pretty much that keeps me calm is thinking that im young and its much rarer, so im just gonna be visiting a lot of E.R.s in my 60s i guess. Any older people in here going through this?
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self.Anxiety
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Don't go to shit thatll help me For the most part I've been doing a lot better, but there's this one thing I do that drives me insane. I don't go to interviews or meetings with people for jobs when I know I need to if I ever want to get anywhere better in life. It's probably and anxiety thing. I just reschedule shit and then don't go again next week. I don't know why.
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self.depression
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Shit I'm nearly killed myself Fuck man I'm only 18 and I've tried to kill myself 3 times, nothing seems to help. Just a minute ago I tried to hang myself with a belt but I backed out cuz I was scared, I don't know anymore man my life wasn't supposed to go like this. (I meant to I instead of I'm in the title)
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self.SuicideWatch
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Personal observations Life shouldn't be something you endure. For the better part of my life, i have awaited death. I look around at everyone and analyze everything I see. It's nearly the same for everyone. Some form or fashion of getting screwed by things out of our control. Whether it's student loans enslaving the youth, law enforcement stating your free until they say otherwise, or even family manipulating you. For 31 years, I have medicated, therapized, nofapped, and just.... Endured.. I have tried everything life has to offer and am left unimpressed. I had a woman of 12 years, who loved me for me. A house, cats, and a successful job. I have traveled. I have become a guy everyone knows by name. I can say that in my efforts to make new friends, (I have made 70 aqantinces since February), not a single one of them give a damn about me. I can say life is what you make of it. I can go out 3 or 4 times a week and find something fun to do. But the longer i am alone, the lonelier i get. I am tired of the struggle. I am not fit for this world. I feel if I had less intellect I could coast through life with more enjoyment like 50% of the people I see. The people who slurp down their mega slushies. The people who get so stoned their brains are burnt. I can't shut it off like they can. I look at the world in disgust. The lack of community, lack of support and success. The fact that people need credit cards to pay for gas to go to work. In my efforts to expedite my duration here, I have picked up heavy smoking and drinking. No i am not going to end it.. I am just struggling tonight and i know im not the only one.
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self.depression
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They're in a better place now. I absolutely hate this phrase.
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self.offmychest
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I don’t know what to say at this point. At this point there’s nothing left for me to say. I’ve been dealing with this for so long. I feel so alone. At school I have what seems to be great friends, I laugh a lot, people don’t suspect me of a thing. As soon as I get out of school everything is different. I spend weekends alone cause no one invites me to go anywhere, I barely laugh, and the only bit of happiness I can find is skateboarding. It’s winter now, I can’t skate. The only person in the world who will listen to me and try to help doesn’t feel the same way I do about her. I want to be alone but hate being alone so much. I don’t know why I feel this way. I’ve been like this for so long. I just feel empty. I know I’m a kid, I’m only 17, it’ll get better. Right?
That’s the only thing that keeps me going. I’m not giving up. Things have got to get better. There’s no way this is it for me. I’m just so sad.
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self.depression
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I just feel hopeless Hello, In this post i will be releasing feelings that have been being steadily built up for the past 12 years. I guess i'll just start by saying I've never posted on a forum or Reddit or anything. So lets get into it, I'm 19 and male, I've struggled with depression since i was around 7 or 8 years old. When i was 7 my old step dad abused me sexually and physically, because the experience was so traumatic i do not wish to elaborate on it. My mom found out and shortly after and left him. We were poor and my mom was a single parent for around 1 year before she found my current step dad. He's an amazing guy and i love him dearly, but shortly after he married my mom when i was around 9 he was medically retired from the air force and underwent several operation for his tail bone, back, and severe nerve damage in his arm. This lasted for years and did a lot of emotional damage to me. The word dad or father is very hated for me. My biological dad tricked my mom into sex, and left her after she was pregnant with me. and i have 2 shitty step dads and an amazing but disabled stepdad. So fast forward to when i was 10 i started to feel different from my brother (I have one brother and 4 sisters) What he was doing didn't interest me, i preferred doing make up singing and art with my sisters. after around 1 year of battling myself i realized i was Transgender and Pan sexual. At the time i didn't know the exact words but i knew i wanted to be a girl and i was attracted to boys and girls. I was ashamed of this reality, why do i want to be a girl it didn't make sense and i hated it. so i hid my pan sexuality and transgender tendency's from my parents for 8 years (i just came out around 3 months ago). So all my life I've felt left out i saw girls doing what girls do and i felt upset, sad, and excluded. Most of my teenage life was and has been spent on the computer buried in video games. I haven't had sex, kissed, or had a real life girlfriend or boyfriend in my entire life. I've had crushes but that's it, and i had an internet girlfriend, She abused me and used me for attention while sending nudes to my friends for 4 years. and around 3 months ago with my coming out i started to visit doctors and i found out that i might actually be XXY intersex which mean i can never have kids. My life just keeps getting better right. I'm just so fucking depressed and i cant take it anymore, i cant catch a break. everyday is feelings of hopelessness and depression. I just don't think ill ever be happy i'm gonna live 40 - 60 more years of sadness and displacement in society. Everyday i try to be happy i'm medicated and see a therapist but its just not enough. I try so hard to make everyone happy and everyone i meet gets along with me for the most part i don't think anyone has ever really had a problem with me or hated me. Everyone thinks i'm happy but in reality i feel suffocated and the pain is getting to hard to hold up. From the transgender thoughts and sexual abuse the absent fathers with a mom that's suffers from bipolar and depression i just feel so fucking crushed and hopeless.
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self.depression
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Unemployed graduate, angry I can hardly be bothered to type. I'm 30 now, unemployed with a bachelors degree in physics. It is first class honours, the best grade possible in the UK but that counts for nothing apparently. I'm enrolled on a masters in nuclear science as there was nothing else to do, but I hate it and they're making my life hell. They don't like people with anxiety or depression and give me very little help. I'm doing the bare minimum and will probably have to interrupt my studies.
Anyway, I don't want to be studying, I want a good job. Lord knows I have tried. I kept getting rejected over and over again and now I'm 30 and still living in my childhood bedroom. I have no friends left and no girlfriend. I've done the same rubbish temp work for three years in a row and even that only lasts for three weeks.
I need money to move out and fix my acne scars. Maybe with my own place I can get a partner.
I need someone to take a chance on me and I'm getting so angry now.
My life has been at a standstill for years and I just don't know what I am suppost to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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my parents were just killed in a car accident 4 days ago [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I am angry and tired and sad and scared for tomorrow [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Can I please just find someone like minded? Male of female, I'd just LOVE a friend that doesn't drink underage, doesn't smoke weed or cigarettes, is law abiding, is respectful and kind, and had at least 2 things in common with me so we have something to talk about. Why is this so hard.
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self.offmychest
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not "diagnosed" but pretty sure there is a problem Today I found myself subtracting my age from the average American woman life expectancy just to see how much longer I'll likely have to put up with life.... and disappointed that 56 years sounds too long. Granted today was a nightmare at work, but the fact I needed a break to cry in the bathroom and my thought process gets ugly so quickly seems out of control. I'm in the first year in my career (that I should be happy to have since the market for my job sucks in my hometown where I want to live), but always ruminating about what might happen if I fail at my one shot/what else could I do. My job involves working with a lot of people, and I'm always worried about what they think. I try what I know about/coping skills, try to reframe and recognize nonadaptive thoughts, even bought a weighted blanket to relax more, but do I need to get counseling? Anyone found it life changing?
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self.depression
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Anyone cried lately? I'm sad pretty much all the time, but It's been almost two years since I've cried for any reason. I kind of want it to happen, in hopes that I can let some of the anxiousness out. Even in the worst times of panic and self hate, I just end up pulling my hair out, but still no tears.
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self.depression
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My mom will die if I kill myself. I tried killing myself a while ago and was placed in a mental institution for a week. My mom told me that she has spent most of her life raising me with no other purpose in mind. I've thought many times of running away so as to emotionally distance myself her. Or cutting all ties when I am adult and make sure she never finds me. She put a lot of pressure on me by saying that but she has a sad life and some where in my mind I think what she said is true. I never viewed my suicide to have collateral damage, in fact I've tried to avoid it. What do I do now? Wait? For what?
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self.SuicideWatch
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So knife suicide After 6 years of research, I have concluded that suicide by knife is the only way to go for me.
I am still in the process of saving up for a good kitchen knife though.
You may leave questions below
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self.SuicideWatch
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feels like im stuck i just feel stuck in life. Im not suicidal but i want to die, like maybe through a car accident or a disease or something. i just feel exhausted with life. im only like 22 and i feel like im just...done. i don't want to see whats ahead because i know i'll be disappointed. In high school i was hoping adult me would be this cool person, with a great career and relationship. truth is i have like 5 friends at most, ive only ever been kissed once (still got my v card) and the closest thing i had to a relationship lasted 2 months before he got bored of me. I'm not the smartest so i have to go with whatever job opportunity i can find.
im just...done. ive had enough.
PS - i know this post is full of bad grammar and everything, but its readable so does it matter? im sorry still- felt kinda good to let it out and knowing that maybe 1 person may read this.
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self.depression
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what can I do to help my friend? my friend has been struggling with suicidal thoughts for 10+ years and has tried to kill himself at least twice that he's told me of.
he has a lot of financial stress, his family took him to an inpatient care thing once and the hospital kept him there for 3 days and charged him him a huge bill that he can't pay and his family won't help him
besides this he has just had a really really terrible hard life and struggles with mental illness as well. I feel so bad for him but whenever he vents to me I don't know what to say. I want to make sure I am being as supportive as possible, I know there's probably nothing I can do to help but I don't want to do anything wrong or not good enough
i'm just really scared for him. His mom has to get an abortion recently and today he told me he feels jealous of it because he wasn't aborted. Things he says to me are terrifying
He is such a wonderful caring talented person with so much ambition and he has so much good to offer the world.
mostly i just let him vent at me when he's upset but all I can ever think of to say is 'yes, that is really horrible I'm so so sorry you feel that way and i hope things get better. I wish I could help you' I feel like this is such a stupid and generic thing to say but I don't know what else to do. I am not good at speaking and i don't have a lot of life experience so it's hard for me to talk to him and relate to him sometimes but i just want to make sure I am not doing anything wrong.
I try to reassure him sometimes that when he gets insurance from his work soon and can see a therapist things will get better but I really don't know
he has the means to kill himself whenever he wants. he takes medication that requires needles so he has those around. it's scary
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self.SuicideWatch
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unsure about other people's diagnoses? i have 2 friends who have been diagnosed with bipolar 2. one has been through a plethora of diagnoses. it doesn't really seem to fit her-- she seems just kind of depressed all the time. no meds work for her. it seems more personality based to me, she had a bad home life. i don't see any hypomania in her at all, but with every diagnosis she says "omg i feel so X" (X is part of diagnosis). like she'll say "omg i feel so hypo!" it's like no ur just in a good mood.
my other friend could be but his just presents very different from me. he seems hardly ever depressed, but usually just hypomanic. my friends and i have wonder if it's really more something like histrionic personality disorder or something, he's always been very dramatic. but, of the two, i could see this friend having it more then my other one, who even admitted she was unsure.
this is prob gonna get a lot of shit, i don't mean to discredit others. they def are not doing ok but i just wonder if they think they have bipolar because i got diagnosed with it. even before i was bipolar i knew i had cycles. all my friends said they could tell the two distinct moods, everyone said "oh that makes sense." idk i just wish people would scrutinize their diagnosis more. i think rejection at first is healthy because then you don't conform yourself to the diagnosis.
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self.bipolar
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looking for advice on trintellix I’m not sure if this is the right place for this but I don’t know where else i’d put this.
I started trintellix about two months ago and the nausea has not gone away. it has been getting worse, i used to just feel queasy and now i am vomiting 30 minutes after taking it, like clockwork. I do eat a good amount 15-30 minutes before taking it but i still throw up everything. i feel better after vomiting but still feel queasy.
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self.depression
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Starting a long distance relationship, is it doomed? I feel conflicted We clicked and we have met three times and really got off, we decided to try and make a go of it, she lives 3 hours away but I'm worried I'm being ignorant to the trouble that LDR can have ?
A lot of my friends have pointed out the costs and the fact I'm in my final year at university so once a week may not be feasible , we also aren't sure what day we would actually move in together but isn't that early days ?
I feel guilty but before I decided to make a go of this I slept with a close mate I also had feelings for . She opened up to me and said we would be good together and closer , I feel conflicted as although I'm not as interested for my mate , I wonder if this is due to the LDR girl being the forbidden fruit and myself romantising LDR. I'm sorry I'm a bit of a mess with my feelings so sorry if I'm rambling.
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self.offmychest
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I am not working hard on anything because I have always known that I'll end up killing myself anyways. However I've never attempted and get more depressed with each passing day because I've literally achieved nothing in my life and I'm still no closer to having the courage to end my life. [deleted]
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self.depression
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What depression really feels like For years I lived under one of the worst possible diseases known to mankind. A disease where the most important tool of man, the tool that separates him from the rest of nature and king among the other animals, where that tool turns against him. I suffered from clinical grade depression for years. It came on again and off again, there were months where it was really bad and months where it was just bad and months where it was tolerable.
Most people will never understand what it means to live with depression for that long and they shouldn’t have to. It’s a horrible disease that saps your will to live, that drains the life from you without showing any major physical symptoms. It wasn’t until I have been several months free from this horror that I can look back and notice just how bad things were. It makes me appreciate the little things, like waking up in the morning and actually wanting to get out of bed, like actually thinking that the things you do matter, like being able to spend time with your family and not wanting to burst into tears.
Although I consider myself to have been depression free for the latter half of this year, there are still residual effects. It definitely changed me, for the better or worse I can’t say. I am relatively young but sometimes I truly do feel like an old soul and not in a very good way. I have completely lost my faith in a higher power, and learned that the only person that I can ever fully rely on is myself. Depression has a tendency to make you isolate yourself, amplifying the problem and I can say at my darkest I truly felt completely and utterly alone, even if that wasn’t necessarily the truth. I don’t mean to say that you should only rely on yourself, family and friends are crucial in the healing process but it showed me that I had the strength to keep going even when all faith was lost.
Depression taught me that I am capable, I am resilient, that I can be my own best friend, that I can love myself. That when the chips are down, I will not give in, that I can keep fighting when I feel hopeless. If I am capable of that, then I am capable of anything I set my mind to. It taught me that you have to appreciate the good moments when they happen because you won’t know the next time you will be unable to feel them properly.
So if you are reading this and you relate to what I am saying, I am sorry. Nobody deserves this. Please get help, professional help. Reach out to friends and family, you will find out who are the real ones very fast but be patient with them. They might have the best intentions but not know how to deal with you. Medication has been what has made the biggest difference for me personally but everyone is different. Don’t give up.
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self.offmychest
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How long do you go between episodes when you're on a good cocktail? I spent the better part of 2 years in some sort of episode before getting the correct diagnosis and an effective cocktail. I've had 8 months of near total stability since then. However, I have this sense that the stability is only temporary and I could have a bad episode at any time. I don't have any symptoms currently, and I'm managing my stress, but I am spending time worrying about what another episode could bring. How long have you guys stayed reasonably stable on the same cocktail? I'd love to hear about long term stability from meds, I think it would reassure me that another bad episode is not inevitable.
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self.bipolar
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Anxiety : Depression : Fear of Drinking Alcohol I’ll start with my questions;
-Does anyone fear alcohol as it makes depression and anxiety worse, rather than alleviate the symptoms after drinking?
-Has anyone practiced a specific type of coping to take on drinking again?
I am looking for similar stories or ways people have overcome what I am looking to venture into.
The reason:
So this is a little different than the typical threads I’ve come across that reference drinking as a catalyst to both depression and anxiety. I have yet to find a post that addresses the FEAR OF DRINKING and REACTIONS as a result.
My story, like many before me, is that I suffer from both anxiety and depression. However, my anxiety is very specific to substances and how “out of body” or “out of control” they make me feel. In a previous experience with anxiety alone (7 years ago and when depression wasn’t in the mix) I could drink and there was no anxiety hangover or experience of dread that went into the process of drinking. Today, the thought of drinking terrifies me.
I am 2.5 years sober, I don’t plan on doing drugs ever again, but I would like to drink at some point. The problem has been that as soon as the taste of beer/alcohol/wine is in my mouth I begin to shut down and feel bodily sensations that are strictly a reaction to the dread I feel, rather than the alcohol.
My methodology for a lot of my own anxiety/depression treatment has been acceptance rather than avoidance. Drinking has been the caveat to this. When I would drink I would shut down mentally and be paralyzed with so many emotions that FEAR is the only one I could really identify as the most prominent of them. The world begins to move to fast, I can’t process my self, let alone my surroundings. It’s a really terrible experience. then all the somatized symptoms come back out. The following few days or week end up being shrouded in anxious and uncomfortable feelings and low lows.
I think to be in a place of control again, I need to be alright with giving it up, but the price paid in exchange is experiencing all the awful feelings again that I have worked so hard to accept and dissolve the past 2.5 years I’ve been treating myself. I am generally apprehensive and ambivalent compared to the person I was pre-anxiety/depression. I’m not looking for total mental ignorance or blind happiness in life, I am just looking to feel something again that isn’t constantly negative or longing for something better than my current situation
.
I get the impression that as long as I have doubts in me about what could send me into a spiral, I am still at risk. So I want to take one drinking again because if I can make the discomfort less and less painful over time, the fear of the substance will go away, and my general enjoyment of life will improve.
This is sort of contrary to what most advise or experience while drinking and everyone’s interaction with anxiety and depression varies so much.
I am looking for similar stories or ways people have overcome what I am looking to venture into. I am happy to expand more, but this is already pretty long and it’s my first reddit post.
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self.Anxiety
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Too much to type? Anybody else here just feel like they’re at the end of the line? And it’s just so overwhelming, and I feel like I’ve reached out so many times that it isn’t even worth it to type the whole story...it’s not like anything will come from it. Another shout into the abyss.
Anyone out there like this? Just me?
I’m numb to the feeling of ending it...
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self.SuicideWatch
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Not even relatively happy for thanksgiving It's late at night and I can't sleep again so time to vent for a while instead
I really just want to do what I want, sleep and play video games and not be pestered by family. I really just want to hide in my room all day to the typical shit like cry watch YouTube whatever. I don't like the thought of having to be social with family all day and having to put on a fake smile and laugh all day. I don't even want to eat because I'll make myself even more ugly and shit looking than I already am. I'm a fucking mess and having to deal with this shit all day and not being able to go escape and do what makes me happy will fucking suck. None of my family knows so they won't understand why I won't be talking to want to be social. It's gonna fucking suck man.
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self.depression
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Those who suffer physical symptoms with their anxiety - how physical do they get? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Intense self-loathing with a side of crippling doubt for lunch. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Is it normal that I get heart palpitations even when I don't "feel" anxious? 22yo, I've been getting these random palpitations when I don't even think I am anxious. I had an ECG and they said my heart is fine.
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self.Anxiety
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Very clouded mind and feelings of anomie, but no actual intention of carrying out suicidal thoughts [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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There is a big chance that I will become a millionaire in a year or 2 I got involved in Bitcoin 2 years ago, bought a lot when it was 500 600 dollars. And based on my bitcoin increasing from trading altcoins and the increasing value in general I believe I can seriously become a millionaire in a year or 2. I am depressed though. I want to figure out how I can reinvest that money. Not for the purpose to make more but how I can make other aspects of my life better. I'd really like to hear what people think.
And also I don't really know how to feel about this. I think it's important to be humble and I never want that to change about me. But I am going to become very wealthy. I have a certain perspective on money.
Money isn't evil, it is a resource. It's power, you can use it for good or bad. I want to become a billionaire. You can save and dramatically change 1,000s of peoples of lives with that amount of money. I'd rather have that power than someone who doesn't have that perspective.
Does this make sense? I just feel this way about money. I feel like people think it's evil and pursuing money is evil. But you can do good things with money. And I want to do that.
How should I feel and think about this? What do you think?
I am going to have money and power but I don't know how to use it to help myself.
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self.depression
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My first depression poem Depression is like a torture,
it ruins your mind,
it ruins your posture.
But when the torturers leave,
you can't believe
the incredible feeling of relief.
Which doesn't stay long,
because the pain is still there,
and no matter how strong,
it's leaving you bare.
Bare to new pain
that hangs upon like rain,
so the torturers can come back
and kick you until you crack.
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self.depression
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Duloxetine and Coffee Hello all, I just wanted to know if anyone on here takes Cymbalta/Duloxetine. If so, and you are a coffee drinker, do you still get the same buzz from it that you did before you started taking the meds?
I'm on 60mg once daily. This was built up from 20mg in February 2016, to 30mg in like April, and then to 60. I did not notice this change until a bit after adjusting to 60mg. I had been drinking coffee daily for almost a decade, with very little gain in tolerance. I'd need a little more maybe every year, but not much. Duloxetine, it seems, has completely subdued its effect on me. Additionally, where I used to love the bitter warm taste of straight black, I'm now repulsed by it.
The inability to feel caffeinated extends to other forms of caffeine as well. Where I used to drink a fourth of a Red Bull and feel my heart racing, I can now chug a whole one without feeling anything at all. This odd gain in tolerance also goes for alcohol and marijuana. It's as if the numbing from the medication is so overwhelming, it even shields against mind-altering substances. Doc basically shrugged his shoulders at this, but there is no doubt in my mind this is occuring.
If anyone else has experienced this same thing, with coffee, or any other substances, please share this. The absence of that elating morning buzz makes me feel like a good friend has moved far away, haha.
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self.depression
|
Bad Urges- A little devil on my shoulder So lately my pdoc has been lowering my dosage of abilify. I'm down from 20mg to 5mg. As the dosage has been lowered, I began to notice something. Btw, I'm diagnosed Bipolar 1 with psychotic features.
I keep having these awful, horrible thoughts or harming myself and the people around me. The thing is, I don't want to do these things. It's almost like when you're standing on a ledge and you hear a little voice that says "jump!" Even though you want to live and then you step away quickly.
The thoughts are loud sometimes and graphic. I often start crying when I have one out of the blue. The strength of the thoughts is almost coercive. It's starting to make me scared of being alone with people or animals. I think I would probably hurt myself if I ever acted on any of those thoughts.
I divulged this to my therapist despite being afraid of being sent to the hospital. We discussed it at length. She asked if my suicide attempt was impulsive or thought out. I told her I planned it very carefully. She responded that it was unlikely I would act on impulsive thoughts then, in her opinion. Its a theme in my sessions that I have a theme of extreme distrust for others, my self, and my choices. She thinks I am giving these thoughts power by not trusting myself to not act on them. We decided I should aloud use "I" statements that I would not commit those acts. This is to reinforce my strength in myself and separate my perception of myself from the thoughts. She also made me promise to tell my pdoc. I see my pdoc in a week exactly.
I think the easy solution is to have my pdoc put me back at 7.5 or 10 mg of abilify. I'm not worried anymore that I will be deemed dangerous and locked up since talking to my therapist. Still, this is an extremely scary and stressful situation until next Friday.
I just want to know, have any of you experienced this?
Tldr: having dangerous thoughts, discussed with therapist and will tell pdoc. Currently not deemed to be dangerous. Scared of myself. Have you experienced this?
Please forgive typos. I'm on mobile.
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self.bipolar
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I can't even ask a member of the opposite sex to hangout without them thinking I'm trying to make a pass at them [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Collecting Artwork for ED documentary Hi,
We're four Third year film students based at Falmouth University in the process of creating our final film project. Our documentary short seeks to give an insight and raise awareness into the diversity of, and life with an eating disorder. We care deeply about this project as a friendly and sensitive team with past personal experience of eating disorders.
We wondered if anyone in the Reddit community would like to get involved with the project by contributing some form of artistic expression related to mental health and/or eating disorders i.e poem, drawings, painting ect. Any contribution would be of great value for the project and help us portray eating disorders in the best way we can. We have a group email of beefilms123@gmail.com
Please do not hesitate to contact us with any questions, concerns or for more information.
Thank you for your time,
HillStarts
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self.depression
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For the love of it please talk me out of this [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Can people even be happy? I'm really starting to question if anyone is actually happy. I don't even know if there was a point in my life when I was happy. I have had happy moments but I don't think I've ever been in a state were I was just happy with life. I feel like everyone is just pretending to be happy or ok until it destroys them. I can't imagine actually being happy with life. Is it even possible?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Christmas I always feel like Christmas is a day where I have to withhold tears from my family. I’m deeply depressed for reasons I’ve almost completely lost sight of. Christmas just makes me feel worse because it’s a day that’s supposed to be about happiness and enjoying each other but the truth is spending time with my family doesn’t help me ignore the thoughts that tell me I’m a shitty person and that a death by my own doing is waiting for me eventually. I haven’t felt this hopeless and compelled to commit suicide in months. I don’t think I’m as much of a threat to myself as this post may make me out to be, but I’m still a little worried about how impulsive I tend to be. I think this whole falling apart is a result of not being on my ADHD meds. I ran out and I’ve yet to make an appointment to get a refill. Death is enticing because you don’t have to worry about shit like that and things like the semester starting up in a few weeks. Oh god I don’t want to start school again I feel like I’ve already failed getting into my major and I don’t want to take the easy and lazy way out and just get some lame degree. I really don’t want to try killing myself again, I just wish sometimes that it had worked the first time. Sometimes I forget that being in constant conflict with oneself as to whether or not suicide is something I want isn’t normal. It crosses my mind every day. There used to be a time where it didn’t and I could just have a nice day but no it hasn’t been like that in a year and I’m just getting fucking tired of it. It’s an terrible rollercoaster of feeling horribly empty and then overwhelmingly sad then angry because of the constant sadness, then suicidal because of the never ending conflict. This shit will end one day and I’m fighting for it to not end with suicide. That’s all, I hope whoever reads this doesn’t feel the way I do and I hope you can enjoy your holidays and families.
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self.depression
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I’m in a terrible mental state because of school [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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It's been about month or so since I was divorced... and had to abruptly leave my house and wife in the States to come back to my home country. I don't feel like I'm home I cannot sleep and I found myself tonight crying and asking God to please let me be able to sleep so I can escape the pain even if it's only for a short while.
It's 5:39am. Please. I just want to sleep. I wish I could stop my mind wandering and trying to imagine if things went differently how everything would be okay. But we know it wouldn't.
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self.depression
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Help with meds with food requirements I just started taking Geodon. Geodon and Latuda are the only two APs that I know of that require you to eat before meds.
However, the instructions for me said that I had to eat a 500 calorie meal right before taking the med. This is proving a lot harder that I thought. I'm generally not a breakfast person, and it's hard to eat that many calories consistently every morning. Even eating at night and taking the med right after is inconsistent and trying to take it 12 hours exactly after the morning dose is rough.
For those of you with food meds, can you tell me some tricks to get 500 cal at the same time morning and night?
Thank you in advance
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self.bipolar
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I worry about every small thing. It’s not all the time but a lot of the time I get these burst of anxiety where I will worry about one meaningless thing I did or said and it just repeats in my head. It’s usually based off of something I did or said and I just keep worrying I did something wrong or bad.
I wish I could just make the anxiety go away. Does anyone else do this?
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self.Anxiety
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Gaming with anxiety If any of you guys play video games, how do you handle your anxiety when it comes to online games? Especially ones with chat like Overwatch. I have the game and really want to play, but I always end up quitting because I get way too anxious on chat with random people.
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self.Anxiety
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I said something I shouldn't have to my buddy's girlfriend and now I'm the most hated person in our friend group. Ok so I may have exaggerated that last part a bit idk it happened last night at a party and I still don't know who all knows. I didn't even realize what had happened until the next day when my roommate who was also there let me know has to why my friend was pissed off at me. So here's what happened. I'm at my friend's place, we were having a party and I was drunk. I was with his girlfriend (I've known them both for a while) playing guitar while she was singing a song and we were talking about him and their sex life and my drunk ass says "Yea back in the day when *insert friend's name here* would invite me over he would be in the middle of having sex and I'd have to wait in the living room." Immediately after I said that I realized what I said and knew I fucked up by saying that and I even said to her that I shouldn't have brought that up and it happened way before the two of them met. That's as far as I know happened. Later that night my friend calls me an asshole and gives me the cold shoulder the rest of the party and didn't shake my hand or say bye to me when I left. I knew then he was pissed off at me but I didn't know why. Now what my roommate told me the next day was that his girlfriend was crying and brought up what I said (however apparently the way she took what I said was that he had been fucking girls all the time before they had met, when I just brought up this one particular moment in time that had occurred) and that he had to take her to his room for the rest of the night to deal with it. I don't know the details exactly cause my friend has yet to bring this up with me but I just know I made a huge mistake even bringing that up and I know that there is nothing that can be done about that now. I know she's had sex with other guys before meeting my friend so idk why she would freak out over finding out that he had sex with a girl before the two of them had met. Anyway I know I fucked up big time but idk what to do moving forward. Obviously apologizing but that won't change anything. Any thoughts? Solutions?
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self.offmychest
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I was harassed by a chaser and I feel dirty On a throwaway, since my friends know my Reddit name...
I'm trans, which I don't really mention often. However, when I found a Discord server which was LGBT+ friendly, I joined in. I was there for a bit before I actually mentioned that I was trans.
I got a DM from a random guy who just said, "Hi."
I said Hi back, and we chatted for a bit...
Then, he left for a bit. He came back an hour later and just said, "I love you."
I was kind of surprised, and so I asked what he meant. He said he loved me so much and wanted me to fuck him...
He started making a lot of sexual comments about me, and didn't stop until I blocked him, even after I told him I didn't like what he was saying and that I'm underage...
I trusted someone, I thought I'd finally made a new friend... Then he abused that trust... I feel so dumb. This isn't the first time this has happened, and it probably won't be the last...
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self.offmychest
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Beating Myself Up - How to Stop? I realized twenty minutes ago that I improperly handled follow-up for a meeting this afternoon - the best solution didn't occur to me this afternoon (I don't know why not), and only occurred to me tonight.
It's not the worst thing in the world, but I now have a steel vest tightening on my chest.
How does everyone get over mistakes? The anxiety is so real.
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self.Anxiety
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I tanked my last two BioAnth exams, so I fear that I’ll tank the final, as well... That time of year again, folks. Yaaaaaay.
I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong for this particular class. I meet up with the professor, I did the readings and made flashcards and everything, and yet my last two exams were in the 50s.
My methods are the same, if not more lax, for my other classes, and I’m on a roll for those, so for whatever reason Bio Anth makes sense in class and makes sense when I’m studying, but I fuck up the tests!
Had this happened to anyone else? What should I do? I’m meeting the professor on Wednesday and I’ll go through my past tests over and over in order to study, but you know what I’m going through. I’m doing everything right, am I? So how does this keep happening?
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self.Anxiety
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I care more about one friend than the other and I feel horrible [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I think I'm a burden to my mom trying to kill myself 2 times already, my dad used to abuse me and now he left me with my mom and 2 sister. I'm a college student which make thing much worse, lot of debt. I do drugs,smoke, alcoholic to release my tension. Sometimes i stab myself with a pen and make a hole in my arm. Trying to talk with my friend about this but they think I'm trying to be funny. I cried myself everytime in the late night. Trying to do yogo, calisthenics to build myself up but it didn't work. Now i'm just some "tall" skinny 52kg dude. I masturbate everynight and i can't stop it. I need someone to talk to, someone who willing to give me advice. I dont want my 17 years old of me broke down completely. I want bright future. I need help please.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Might get fired due to not having a doctors note for what I deemed necessary leave for my mental health, please help! [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Feeling like I’ll never find someone I’m to much and to frustrating to deal with. I’m constantly anxious and I always end up pushing people away in order to build up a higher wall for myself. I have trust issues and I am angry with society now days. I know I deserve the best. Had to learn the hard way. But I eventually learned. I’m starting to think I just need to accept what is. I’m single and I hate being alone. My mind is my worst enemy and I believe it. I feel like I’ll never have the white picket fence life. The husband the kids the big House dream. Maybe it’s to much for me idk. I honestly don’t think there’s one guy out there who gets me and can put up with my bullshit. Maybe I just need to stop searching and just relax. I hate being alone. But I also like it. No one to answer too no one to worry about if they are gonna hurt me. Love is stupid. But I want it so bad. But I laugh every time I think that there’s true loyalty out there. Sex sells. And it’s easier to lye down with someone and never call them again instead of getting to know a person and growing off of a friendship foundation.
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self.Anxiety
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Debating about booking a time. After i got my first mental breakdown of 2018 yesterday, i have been debating if i should just let it go or bite the bullet and book a time for therapy...
i know its not of any use for me but maybe my parents wouldnt worry as much..
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self.depression
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Abilify? I have type 2 and I’m going to start a new med, abilify, does anyone here take it or taken it. If so can you tell me your experience and anything you would warn or applaud about it. I’m not gonna lie I’m a bit hesitant to take it for a couple of reasons. It’s not really something I can take long term and I’m just so tired of not having a right medication so it’s like it would be a temp fix, and that’s a problem for me. The fact that the long you take it and actually any anti psychs the more likely side affects occuring increasing does concern me. I’ve taken limotrogene and lithium both had me apathetic and one I expericed an episode of psychosis.
So if you guys can give me some personal experiences just so I can get a better idea beyond just blogs I dont trust.
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self.bipolar
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How kratom has helped me My name is Robert, and I live in Los Angeles, California. I suffer from Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a genetically inherited connective tissue disorder, as well as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I use an herbal supplement called Mitragyna speciosa (informally called kratom) to help ease the suffering I get from my illnesses.
Kratom’s pain-soothing properties have made it possible for me to be able to work at my food service job without suffering repetitive joint pain. It has also been an amazing tool in managing the stress of my anxiety disorder – the sense of well-being and calm that kratom promotes greatly aids me in coping with it.
Kratom is not like an opiate painkiller, and does not get me high. Many myths surround kratom, painting it as an illicit drug akin to morphine – when in reality, the euphoria it sometimes provides is the same I would get from listening to a good song. It is a mildly stimulating botanical substance that, in addition to its pain-soothing effects, helps addicts cope with the symptoms of opiate and alcohol addiction. It is an amazing tool to taper off of opiate painkillers because its alkaloids bind to opioid receptors in a way that does not get you high but minimizes withdrawals.
I am sharing my story with you now because the FDA has been waging a war on kratom. Dr. Gottlieb, the Trump-appointed commissioner of the Food and Drug Administration, has been spreading literal misinformation himself on live television, and making it out as a scary and malignant substance that needs to be scheduled directly affects me and millions of others who use kratom to promote a happier and healthier lifestyle.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!
Sincerely,
Robert
#IAmKratom
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self.offmychest
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Therapy is a joke as much as the treatment for mental illness This is from my personal experience from going through medical treatment along side with therapy for my mental illness. My first therapist was someone who I felt had no understanding of mental illness at all, and it was more of me teaching her how we are wired, and that's basically how my sessions felt like. I just unloaded my problems to her, and all I got in return was sympathy and I was given the most BASIC of basic things to combat my unhealthy thoughts. I was given a questionnaire of very simple questions, was given a score out of what I marked down, and just like that I was diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression, and ADHD. The process of going through a few sessions with a therapist and one questionnaire, I was diagnosed with 3 mental health disorders, just like that. I decided to take medication, where I was told that I would have to be on it for the rest of my life, SSRI's even though my doctor admit that there was very little studies done on the medication, and with better judgement I decided against it. I went to my second therapist, and this guy at first seemed like he knew what he was talking about, much more knowledgeable and, I had an episode where I was at the brink of committing suicide or something along those lines and I told him, and his response was basically, "I didn't sign up for this, if we are not working out, you can seek out some other therapist, 'just a suggestion'. After that session, it was the last time I will ever seek out any counselling or therapy for anything again. I stopped seeking medication, and basically was given two options be spiteful, or move on from this.
I was hermiting for a couple months, little human contact, was cooped up in my room, ate healthy, slept better, and gave myself my own therapeutic sessions which I believe to be infinitely more helpful than any therapist has ever been for me as I understand myself better than anyone else and all I need is a bit of soul searching and break down my situation and tell myself how I can move on from it. I've felt better than I ever had for the past month in years. We are not remotely capable of legitimately treating mental illness, it's way too complex to tackle efficiently, and we can't simply put poison in our bodies and kill the toxins like cancer. It's trial and error, cause and effect, and these effects are not properly understood, and the only real way of beating your mental illness is dependent on the individual and nothing else and that's the pill you will have to swallow as you come to understand your situation.
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self.Anxiety
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Well, it's back And this time it might kill me. Finally.
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self.depression
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My anxiety is causing me serious heart problems, which is increasing my anxiety.... it's an endless cycle I thought I had my anxiety well controlled (I recently made a lot of changes in my life to do so), no general feeling of anxiousness or impending doom, no palpitations or breathlessness. Except a few days ago I suddenly became tachycardic. My heart was racing at 174bpm and I wasn't even doing anything, I was just sitting at lunch at work. I've been for bloods and ecgs and nothing has been found suggesting there's anything wrong with my heart. But this is really fucking scaring me. I have to get a cardic event monitor to wear 24/7 so if it happens again I can go straight to hospital. Anyone else experienced anything of this magnitude? Also, shout out to everyone who says anxiety isn't real - welcome to my fucking nightmare
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self.Anxiety
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DAE get panic attacks in their dreams? Hi guys! I wanted to share something that happened yesterday that kinda freaked me out, and I was wondering if anyone else has felt this before!
I have pretty bad anxiety, and I also have bipolar disorder and PTSD. My sleep tends to shift with my episodes, such as I sleep more during a depressive episode, or I have more disturbed sleep during a manic episode. My anxiety also plays a role into this, as I tend to wake up multiple times a night.
Two nights ago I didn’t sleep well, and I decided to take a nap yesterday. Nap turned into 2 hrs, but I had a really weird dream while in my nap.
In my dream, I was doing normal, mundane every day things, and then I had a panic attack. My heart started beating really fast, and it began to hurt, much like it does when I have a pretty bad panic attack. It caused me to breathe weird in my dream, but I didn’t wake up. I remember thinking the same stuff I think when I’m having a panic attack, like “Am I dying? Is this really happening? Should I call an ambulance?”
I ended up waking up and my heart was still beating fast, but otherwise I was fine. I asked my boyfriend and Mom (both have severe anxiety as well) if they’ve ever experienced that, but both said no.
So, has anyone else had this before? It was really scary, but I think the scariest part was that I didn’t wake up even when breathing weird.
Thanks!
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self.Anxiety
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I'm sick of this label I feel like the more I say I'm depressed, the more - for me at least - it becomes an excuse. Like subconsciously I think "it's ok I can't focus on my work anymore or that my GPA is tanking, because I'm depressed". Like holy hell that just seems awful. And people just look at you like you're a sad piece of shit. Don't tell me that before you were depressed you'd see someone you knew had depression and be like "damn it's a shame that person is such a trainwreck".
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self.depression
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Trigger warning: Anxiety Off the charts This is going to be long and rambling but I need to get it off my chest. I feel sick to my stomach. My anxiety has been in check for about 5 months and tonight it all came rushing back. Maybe it isn’t anxiety but worry. I know my heart is beating out of my chest and I can’t think. It all started when I found out my 12 year old niece has been watching lots of hard core lesbian porn. While I don’t care if she’s a lesbian I think she’s too young to have pornography on her phone or watch it. That goes for all 12 year olds. My sister has taken Her phone away and given her one without Internet access. This apparently has been going on more than a year and I didn’t know they’ve been dealing with this. I found out my niece started cutting earlier this year. What’s making me sick is that my sister and her family as well as my nieces dad’s family are all very religious and I don’t think they have been very supportive. My mother, her grandmother, is in straight up denial that it’s possible she is lesbian. She thinks she was molested and this is all because of that. I don’t know if she was molested. There has never been any evidence of such and she’s never said anything. What I know is,whether or not she was molested, she needs support and love and counseling. I’m afraid she won’t get it from them. I will, of course, support her no matter what but I live 1000 miles away. I’m anxious for her feelings, knowing she feels shameful that her mom and dad know her secret. I feel anxious for my sister who has had a tough life without a lot of breaks. I want her to be happy and I know she’s not. I want my niece to know there’s nothing wrong with her if she does like women. I feel anxious for my mom who loves her granddaughter with a passion and now hurting thinking something has happened. Basically I’m a ball of anxiety, not just feeling my feelings, but taking on about 5 other peoples. I called my therapist for an emergency appointment for tomorrow. I just have found you guys to be so helpful in the past. If you have been through any of this I would welcome advice.
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self.Anxiety
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Is it possible to have on and off days of wanting to kill myself? My friend says you can't yet I have these on and off feelings.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I fucked up. I've failed my parents, and I've failed my friends. Today, my mother freaked out and is blaming herself for my recent actions. Saturday, my best friend, towards the end of a hours-long conversation, had a somewhat similar reaction.
To my parents: it's not your fault; it's mine. I'm the one who hasn't said a word to you about what's wrong with me. I'm the one who's spent all my time playing video games instead of doing schoolwork/college apps. I'm the one who hasn't been eating well, sleeping well, or managing my time.
To my best friend: It's not your fault; it's mine. You've saved my life, more times than anyone should have to. You told me to get help. I did at first, but they never diagnosed me with anything, so I stopped after two visits. In the six months since, it's just gotten worse and worse; and all I've done is turn to you, not a doctor like you keep telling me to. You always insist I owe you nothing, but I at least owe it to you to go see a fucking doctor, and I haven't even done that.
To all of my friends: It's not your fault; it's mine. You accepted me as part of the group. You've invited me to play games with you countless times. I've felt like a burden many times, but you keep me around anyways. Thanks.
At this point, I consider myself beyond forgiveness. Maybe you'll disagree.
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self.depression
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I finally did it and disabled my facebook accout I had been trying to decide whether to do this for a while, firstly as I knew it was going to be a bit of an effort and secondly because it felt like I was taking away my safety blanket of the thing I look at when I'm bored. But Facebook was making me less and less happy to the point where every post I saw made me feel really sad that I was missing out or angry at the person that was posting something that was rude or obnoxious.
Disabling took a while as I had to go through all the sites I used facebook to log on to and make sure I could do it with my email. You can't do that on Spotify so I had to set up a new account. Fair bit of time that I definitely could have used on something else today but I feel so relieved!
I was worried about how people might react and think I'm odd for deleting it, or think that I've unfriended them. Ultimately I decided I need to put my happiness above this. I'm glad I've done something for myself :)
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self.Anxiety
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Identity do you ever feel like your not yourself, and just a biproduct of the ones around you?
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self.bipolar
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