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Existential crisis causing me constant anxiety So if talk of themes around mortality and afterlife cause you stress then please consider that I talk about that before reading. Also I realise this is super long and boring so I'm sorry but I had to get it off my chest.
I remember when I just kind of lived a life less aware of this issue, where my anxieties were based more on everyday tasks and interactions. I don't know the exact point, but there was this moment maybe 6 months ago where I had this thought that, it didn't matter what happened before, now or after my life, everything was going to end. And I would be dead, and have literally no knowledge of anything that ever happened, so what really was the entire point of this all anyway.
So that was my first panic attack, and I never truly understood what it was like to think you were genuinely about to die until that point. I was sobbing on my bed in the fetal position, debating whether to call an ambulance since I thought I was actually about to die, but deciding not to because I didn't want to be a burden. I don't really remember when I felt okay again, and I honestly I still don't know if I am okay.
I know this sounds so fucking stupid, but it's the idea that this is so pointless, that we're just these creatures on a rock in this universe that will too eventually end and nothing will be remembered and everything will be forgotten. I feel so fucking weird and stressed constantly, it lingers at the back of my mind and I dread trying to fall asleep because when I'm alone with my thoughts is when I overthink. I've even thought about trying to force myself to get involved in a religion to give me some comfort about the afterlife.
I hope at least one person can tell me I'm not alone in some aspect of this fear, I know it sounds stupid and I try to just ignore it but every time I try to sleep, that dread seeps in. I've spoken about this to people I know but people see me as quite a strong and carefree person, despite my other weird anxiety quirks, so I don't think they realise how seriously it's affecting me. Death just absolutely terrifies me, and I don't know what to do to stop thinking about how insignificant my life is to this universe.
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self.Anxiety
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speculations , my future with bipolar After getting my first full out blown manic episode last year after taking antidepressants, and being hospitalized for 3 month, I got diagnosed with BP.
I would describe myself being always depressed, almost never feel the hypomania.
school isin't going that great , am coming into the 7th semester and still have half of the subjects to pass for my 6 semester bachelor program.
I had a friend come over yesterday , and he was shocked to see me jamming my window with force because its not closing properly. he immeadiatly came over , started looking for the reason it wasnt shut properly. to keep it short , he fixed it after fiddling for 30 minutes. I lived with that cracked window over my fucking head for 6 month.
seeing him motivated and his positive outtake on the situations and most situations in general made me realise how much i am missing.
I am starting to question If i would ever be succesful with my current choice of pursuing and engineering degree. or if i would be better off working at some supermarket and calling it.
I dont know , am just ranting.
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self.bipolar
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I left my prescription escitalopram/lexapro in the car for two weeks on accident. There was intermittent hot weather. Should I get a new prescription or will I be okay? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Does not being employed really hit anyone else's confidence? [deleted]
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self.depression
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What's the point really... I really really want to fight my depression. I have let myself go. I've gained weight like crazy and I always feel like I'm not good enough. I'm in a relationship with a man that I love with everything in me. We have gotten over some major bumps but they still fuck with me. I feel like I'm nothing and I'm not good enough even though he tells me every day. We still have things here and there (all alcohol related bit o won't get into that.) I want to move past that junk. I want to be happy again. I want to feel like the old me. I hate the person I see when I look in the mirror. Sorry for my rant. I'm hiding in a bathroom during friendsgiving. Just got overwhelmed.
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self.depression
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I will never function how I’m supposed to function in this world [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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This is a long story but I don't have anyone else to tell these things to and I can't get over them [deleted]
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self.depression
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Therapy and meds don't do shit Therapy and meds don't do shit when your life sucks and you don't want to talk about your real problems. I've been self-harming, having homicidal thoughts, and lacking libido. I don't want anyone to know about the self-harm so I just wear long sleeves. I was almost put in foster care for homicidal thoughts, so I obviously can't talk about that. I don't want to talk about the lack of libido because that's just plain old embarrasing. I also have memory loss so I don't remember how I've been feeling lately.
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self.depression
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I need help I have been suffering from extreme depression for the past couple of months I was with my girlfriend a few months ago and she cheated on me and was using me I have a very hard time being social I don't know what to say I've lost friends family over it I ended up breaking up with her and moved back in with my mom. I only have my mom and my sister but neither one of them don't seem to care how I'm feeling I can not get the thought of suicide off my mind. After I moved in with my mom I started talking to this girl and we suddenly clicked we use to hangout and stuff a while back she said I was all she ever wanted and this morning I got a text from her saying that I wasn't the right one for her she said I was awkward and to shy I never had a dad growing up so I don't have the best manly skills like I wish I had I'm in a rut right now that I'm trying to get out of I can't stop thinking about her and on the other hand my ex is now in a psych ward I really need some advice how I can be more happy and less awkward I want to be able to be able to communite with people and come up with conversations I feel like I'm pushing everyone away and it's killing me this morning when I was home alone I took out my mom's boyfriends hand gun and I felt so empty inside and emotionless that I just wanted to end it all I can't stand to live like this anymore can somebody please help me?..
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self.SuicideWatch
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Couldn't go out to lunch because of anxiety My therapist, who I really look up to, invited me out to lunch with some of her friends and her because she knows I am a loner, after an AA meeting, and I panicked and left the meeting when it was over and didn't go with them. I have so much social anxiety, especially around her, and I didn't want to have to hear her and her friends talk about all the stuff they're doing that I'm not invited to. I hate when I just panic and leave because social situations are so uncomfortable for me. Has anyone gotten over this? What do I do?
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self.Anxiety
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i'm 17 and i've never been drunk?? also please help me out i have weird conflicting feelings about alcohol and underage (u/18) drinking [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I don't think my friends actually like me As the title says- I don't think my friends actually like me. I don't know why they keep me around, either just to make fun of me or just because no one wants to tell me to leave, but it's driving me crazy and I don't know what to do.
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self.Anxiety
|
Im stressed and trapped This is all in a stream of consciousness.
I don't think I'll ever be happy. Not here at least.
Which is pathetic because of how good I have it compared to 99% of people.
I'll never measure up to everyone else at this school. Im not as intelligent or as hard working as anyone else. My getting in here was a mistake.
Not to mention I don't fit. I'm from a middle american farming town thst has an opioid problem. Everyone else hails from gated suburbs with private schools.
I feel like a failure for switching majors so much. I'll take 6 to 6 1/2 years to get a degree.
I feel like a failure for having a 2.8 GPA and no engineering work experience.
I fucking hate being trapped in nuclear engineering about whilst being unable to change to mechanical.
Everyone else is getting job offers from amazing companies (Boeing, Spacex, Goldman, etc), going to name brand grad schools or at least making over 65k straight out of school.
And some of them are getting married to people they met here.
I have blown all the money I saved in high school on tuition. Now fucking Sallie Mae is going to own ~50k of my ass at graduation.
I hate still being a social failure. Fuck this late bloomer bullshit, it doesn't get better. Billions of people can interact with others in a fun, constructive way, but not me for some reason.
I'm a cynic that desperatly wants to be a romantic. I torture myself by deconstructing every feeling, thought, and action.
I wasted my adolescence. I skipped prom to study. I worked horseshit jobs to save. I played sports and took classes I didn't care about. All for this shitty "college experience".
I'm still rail thin and scrawny at 21. Weights haven't helped, supplements haven't helped. I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know why I'm looking into religion again. Am I weak? Why do I crave an objective morality or truth? Can I ever believe any of the crazy stuff I hear people profess? Why do I even try.
I'm tired of lying about not being depressed now, let alone for six past years. I quit my SSRI because I wanted to kill myself and I'm never going back.
The job market for my degree sucks. Civil engineering is my only other option but it's So. Fucking. Boring. I dont care about sewage treatment, pavement cracking, or soil dynamics.
I'm having fantasies again. Some are about being well liked and sucessful. Others about being victorious. It's pathetic.
Sometimes I have dreams about maiming the people who beat me on the bus. I remember hiding my bruises and the tears for two years before they finally got cars. They probably dont think of me, but it fucked up my head really badly.
I wish I could stick to a fucking schedule. I have absolutely no energy left after classes so I may down and sleep instead of study. I work out at random times. I'm increasingly doing my honework and studying at the kast moment.
The guitar I bought hadn't been touched in half a year, nor has all my circuits stuff, or my book collection. But I waste time on Reddit all the time. I must be deceiving myself about actually doing those things.
I'm not transferring out. I've given up too much to leave this place for somewhere I could have gotten into without trying. Sunk costs be damned. I want my teenage years to mean something besides stress, pain, and depression.
And I'm probably failing finals this year.
Oh, and fuck the administration here. They only care when some student decides to kill themselves because it makes this institution look bad. They never cared when these people were alive.
After saying all this it reminds me of why I don't date. Im just too messed up to love. If by some miracle I could actually find mutual attraction and manage to not be awkward she would run away as soon as she found out about me. So I'd be wasting her time and mine.
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self.offmychest
|
I feel like every waking moment, I am a breakdown waiting to happen Even now as I type this, I am holding back tears. My life to this point has been useless, I don't amount to anything, I don't have any real relationships or support, I literally have nothing to my name, it doesn't look like my future is going to be any brighter and I don't even really feel like I have anything to look forward to in this life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My parents think I am getting straight A's in college, but I'm actually very close to academic suspension [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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For those of you interested in light therapy for depression These are sites I stumbled across while reading on therapy lights, I am just a layperson and recommend using this as a jumping off point for further research.
Light therapies for depression {incl discussion of dawn simulators vs therapy lights)
http://psycheducation.org/treatment/bipolar-disorder-light-and-darkness/light-therapies-for-depression/
Midday bright light therapy (addressing concerns of am light therapy triggering mixed states)
http://neurosciencenews.com/bipolar-bright-light-midday-7712/
Blue light has a dark side
https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/blue-light-has-a-dark-side
There is a concept that bipolar disorder is a disruption or disorder of circadian rhythm. I suspect it's different for different people. The psycheducation.org site discusses dark therapy as well for rapid cycling.
It seems that artificial light, especially blue light from screens etc, have a big impact on our circadian rhythm.
Has anyone tried any of these methods, or included some form of light therapy in their treatment (like wearing orange glasses at night to block out blue light, dark light therapy, sad light, dawn simulator, etc). How has it worked for you?
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self.bipolar
|
I'm an extremist It's always 0 or 100 for me. No steady pace. Just infinitely increasing ideation of my own death. Disfigurement. Dismemberment. The thought of my brain stem cracking like lightning and spraying a swift pink mist into the air comforts me more than holding a teddy bear or praying to God. That last part makes me cry. I disappointed God, I'm forever sorry. That's the only thing stopping me from... It.
I feel the depression when I walk with my head down. I feel the depression when I'm turning the revolving door at school and someone else pushes it harder than me. They have places to go. I only have places I wish to go to.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm scared A couple months ago, i was a genuinely happy person with goals and ways to be happy.
I've not had it particularly easy before that, problems with my mother, my father, my siblings, friends, and school , being misdiagnosed with a media addiction (my mother made the psychiatrist diagnose it, so i would be "accepted" into a clinic for addicts),after being in the clinic, dealing with a range from therapists, some very competent and helpful, some very incompetent, completely disregarding the fact that i was in need of help and a proper diagnosis (my diagnosis so far were depressions, various anxiety disorders and a pathological media consumption, which was turned into an addiction at the clinic),
i ran away from the clinic, back to my home, where me and my mother decided that i should move out. (She is a very loving mother, she made it through very tough times and i deeply respect her for that, i don't blame her on any bad decisions she made).
After i moved out, i had a short struggle to find my place in my new home (it was a place for teenagers and young adults who can't live at home anymore for various reasons), but i managed to overcome that. I've had the deep desire to study music ( i still do have that), and i was a genuinely happy person. I managed to get accepted into a school where i could get the proper education i required to study music, where i met a girl, we had a thing going on, we fought for a couple of months very intensely (I'm over her, it's not that), now i am currently re-doing the semester, i had to break contact with a very close friend because of that, The girl (who agreed to be friends with me still) is absolutely hating me and make my life hell if she get's an opportunity, (blackmailing me into re-doing the semester, threatening to press charges for various reasons), i have the feeling i am completely lost, i can't go to school, i'm afraid of it, i'm afraid things will just repeat until i'm broken, i'm afraid i won't be able to get my degree so i won't be able to study music, i'm afraid my mother is dissapointed in me again, i'm afraid i'll have to move out from here if i won't make it, i wouldn't be able to sustain my life on it's own, i'm afraid of me being a failure and not living up to the expectations the people i value have into me, i'm afraid of being depressed, and i'm afraid of being broken beyond repair. I don't know how i could turn from this genuinely happy, life-enjoying person with little fears into this what i am now.
I'm afraid i'm wasting years of my life, i'm afraid to go to therapy again and it'll get me nowhere and i'll be stuck in this limbo forever.
Please help me, i don't know what to do. I'm a 18 year old male and i'm scared.
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self.depression
|
Solutions for panic/ anxiety attacks ? Five months ago I lost my baby boy. He was two months old and it seems too good for this world. Since then I have experienced what I can only imagine is anxiety episodes or panic attacks. I feel like I can't breathe/swallow and I'm going to choke. I don't want to go on medication. I'm pretty sure it's not depression. Anybody any suggestion on how I beat this ?
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self.Anxiety
|
I am going to the doctors in a week I finally booked online to meet with my NP to talk about medicine for it. I was feeling so confident and calm at the time, and now with a week left until it I am terrified. I knew I needed to book it though. I want to get better. I am just so so scared.
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self.Anxiety
|
I was suicidal every night for a year, but I also really wanted to live. This is how I (try to) get through I wrote an article about my struggle: http://kitasama.org/i-was-suicidal-every-night-for-a-year-but-i-also-really-wanted-to-live-this-is-how-i-got-through/
I'm currently having an episode right now, and I'm scared. But I have hope, at least for today I do.
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self.depression
|
Advice for overcoming writing anxiety? I went back to my house a whole week before school started with a plan to work on applying for internships/scholarships. I have done pretty much everything BUT do just that. After already cleaning, exercising, cooking, laundry, etc (all necessary tasks) earlier this week, i procrastinated today away by binging netflix and wasting time on social media sites. I just could not bring myself to write cover letters or start on essays. I'm not usually a cryer but i just broke down sobbing after accomplishing so much else this week only to have so much trouble with something so important to my future.
I think theres something about applying for things and the possibility of job thats a bad fit, or getting a rejection that gets me so uncomfortable and restless that i cant even start.
Anyone in the same boat? Any advice for overcoming this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Is this anxiety or something else? For most of my life, but much worse over the last year I have obsessive thinking about my career choices. I am obsessed with figuring out the best career option for me but to the point that I am scattered all over the place and so are my thoughts. I feel out of control and on edge. I am very irritable. I started going to school this year for Physician's Assistant and am extremely stressed about the fact I am not doing well and thus will never get a good job or feel successful.
I am literally stressed about not being inherently good at anything and that I can't be good at anything by practice because I work 40+ hours a week at a job that every day I feel like I am terrible at. I know this post is going to sound like rambling madness but that is what I feel like right now, rambling mad.
I feel like I get somewhat manically up with excitement about a potential career but then I start researching more or getting into it and then I am discouraged and feel like I can't do it. I feel like if I was passionate enough about it I would just do it regardless. Which then leads me to feeling like I am incredibly lazy and that is why I cannot do anything.
I don't know. I just feel awful. Awful about myself and everything. Is this just anxiety talking? Any ideas or help suggested?
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self.Anxiety
|
How do you fix your messes? So I had a period of really intense mania that is now subsiding into a frustrating and difficult depressive period, but I made some mistakes and burned some real bridges (got behind in work, etc) in the last few weeks and I need to fix it or things are about to get way worse. My parents are coming to visit me at uni this weekend so they can help with some things but really I just feel like I need to be tipped upside down, have everything shaken out of me, and then start over totally new.
Looking for any insight. I'm not good at this yet, and I sure want to be because I know this will happen again.
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self.bipolar
|
I'm about to get dismissed from college, and it feels more like a relief to be honest... [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Cant stick it. Life is really fucking shitty. My mum has collapsed several times and been in the hospital for treatment so i hardly ever see her. This is due to her being overworked as most of her employees cant be bothered to work. Due to my mum being off for ages, My dad is struggling to support us so we have hardly any food, and paying the rent and bills is getting tough. On top of this I cant fucking socialize and I either end up losing or pushing away any friendship I ever have and being smaller than average i get hit and bullied a lot but I cant do anything because my school and area is full of >100 iq fucking gang wastes of brain activity that will stab you if you look at them the wrong way. The teachers and adults dont do anything except the infamous "i'll sort it out" line which they never do. I am failing all my subjects and cant get help to improve. Also due to my height all the girls ignore me and talk about me solely because of my height. All these things make me very lonely and depressed Had enough and i cant fucking do this. Help.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I wish I could have lucid dreams Life sucks, all of us here probably feel that in some way or another. A classic escape from that is sleep, but sleep seems to me like just an instant teleportation from one shit day to the next.
I wish I could lucid dream or something. I would look forward to going to bed, probably would be getting enough sleep instead of posting on Reddit at nearly 2am. I don’t even think I’ve ever had a real one. Sometimes I get those ones that I can influence but they’re so fragile, it feels like I’m half awake and constantly losing awareness of what’s happening, and if I think too hard then I just wake up. I always hear stories about people having them and them being wonderful, like a fantasy come to life. There’s even that Creed song about how cool they are, and it makes me sad that I can’t seem to figure out how to experience that.
Anybody here manage to use them as an escape?
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self.depression
|
I'm so done. Anyone ever feel like they can't talk to others about what's going on? I have an irrational fear that I'll be locked away and forgotten about if I tell anyone my thoughts, even though I have found people that at least sort of get it in the past. The problem is that I didn't want to deal with the issues at hand... to the point of completely ignoring anything that had to do with my issues, then to make it worse I tried to express myself and I couldn't spit it out. I made up some crap that sounded similar but still not addressing the main issue. To this day I have a really hard time talking about it. Complicated... yes. Hurting me.. also yes. I need it to end. It's becoming unbearable. I need to talk to some one. Soon.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I might get fired from my job and feel like garbage So about 2 weeks ago I took a job as a runner at a restaurant, my job is basically to take food from the kitchen to the table. Sometimes I get really nervous and forget what goes where and it shows. We just moved to a new location so I'm shaky on them but I guess everyone has it memorized already. But I guess I'm bad at it because my boss let me go early today and told me to come in early tomorrow so we can go over the table numbers and seats. He said if I don't get it after that then "this won't work out". Which we all know what that means.
Honestly I feel like screaming, I feel lost, I feel afraid. If I get fired after not even being there a month it will be so embarrassing. I won't even be able to tell my best friends, let alone my parents. I already feel on the edge and if I get fired this might tip me over.
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self.offmychest
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Will I always be in this bad mental shape? Hello all,
I don’t know who else to turn to for help. I’ve been suffering from severe anxiety and panic attacks for a couple years now, and on and off depression. I’ve been on medication for over 2 years, adjusted by psychiatrists over the years. Been going to weekly counseling with a good therapist for over a year. Today, she told me in session that she didn’t know what else to try. I’ve been doing yoga semi regularly, guided meditation (i mostly just break down into tears when I try), and am holding a good diet. I have a good support system in the form of friends and family. Despite all of this, the stress of being a student and recruiting is destroying me. I’m sleeping 12+ hours every night, and I’m at least one panic attack everyday, and just general anxiety surrounding everything in my life, not to mention having chronic tiredness since high school.
My therapist is highly trained and deals with people from many walks of life, but she doesn’t even know anything else that could help me. She’s providing me with a transfer to another therapist, but this whole situation is making me lose hope. She said that I might need 12 hours of sleep everyday for the rest of my life to help with the low energy. But I can’t live my life like this forever.
Are panic attacks, anxiety, and depression going to be lifelong problems? Has anyone else been able to be functional in life like this?
Thanks
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self.Anxiety
|
time for bed I am so tired of waking up. Being stupid, untalented and autistic. But after seeing my sibling excel and be the polar opposite of me. my parents remind me of it to. my classmates me remind me of it. And now i finally realise that its time for bed.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What is a depressed insomniac supposed to do? I can’t sleep, and I enjoy nothing. What am I supposed to do when I can’t sleep besides lay there and think? Because that’s hell.
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self.depression
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I really dont want to do life anymore I need it to stop. Everything.
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self.offmychest
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Doesn’t matter how old he was, I am still sad Just because grandpa was 94, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t still be hurt by him dying. I am happy he is not lingering in a life he was not happy to be living. I am sad about him simply being absent from my life. I loved him. He was one of the few people who could understand my sense of humor, and I his. He never gave up on me when I got myself into trouble time and time again. He was there when I got straight and told me he was proud and impressed. He was honest and genuine. I will never have such a great friend again. I understand he was 94, I understand he was not happy, but I loved him. I will miss him even if you don’t.
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self.offmychest
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The worst part of working as an ER grief counselor this time of year is when the family says “what are we going to do with their Christmas presents?” [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety is destroying my Friendships... I love my friends all so much, but my anxiety is destroying all of them, I get hung up on the tiniest things and obsess and obsess, nagging my friends over and over until they get upset and begin to hate me. My friend was sad yesterday and I kept nagging him to tell me why because I was worried and he told me off telling me I was making him feel worse, i lost so many friends because of this. I can't take it anymore, I love my friends so much and I don't want to loose any more of them because of my anxious behavior. Help me please. What can I do? (and before you ask I am seeing a therapist but they are trying to treat my other disorders so my anxiety isn't being treated)
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self.Anxiety
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I just feel like I hate everything and every one. I'm just waiting on the next person or thing trying to f**k me over I feel like theres no joy in life anymore
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self.depression
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(Long)Just wondered if anyone with relationship anxiety could help me please. Or anyone with GAD [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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being depressed became some sort of competition i like learning more about depression. since it helps me understand myself better. usually i watch youtube videos about it. or read about it on forums and etc. anyway i noticed that most of the time youtube comment section contains something similar to this:
Billy
"i've been depressed for 1 year. i feel like shit all the time"
Chumbucket3000
"ohh yeah. i had depression and anxiety disorder for 3 years now"
BucketChumm0003
"yeah? try 10 years"
tiredofthinkingnames
"i was depressed since i was in my fathers balls had 100 disorders before my father was born"
and etc..
why are people like this. i mean yeah you have it bad but instead of measuring "depression dick size" maybe try and help one another.
what im trying to say is that i think most of the comments people leave are useless on youtube.
and idk why should anyone care about this post. ohh well.
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self.depression
|
How do I not scare away everybody I love during my depressive state? I dunno. I want to tell them but the more I tell them I feel like the more I scare them. I'm really scared myself. I dunno how to be normal
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self.bipolar
|
I feel like I'm going insane I don't know how to start. I have a best friend (Daniel) and I feel like I might lose him. I'm a very very very jealous person. I basically hate every single one of his other friends. It's never been like this. When we started talking I talked to some of his friend and it was fine, but as the time went by I started to hate them and today I feel crazy because of my hatred towards them. When I was in the middle school I had a best friend and she left me and replaced me, when I found another one, she did the same. Thats probably the reason why i am so scared of losing him. I compare myself to everyone and I my eyes everyone is so much better. He made me feel like a great person worth loving, you know. I feel like Im going insane. This one time, some of his friends stopped talking to him and I felt happy. Then he started to talk to different people but still said I was the only person he had and I was happy. But yesterday he visited his friend and showed me photos with her with words like "darling, love" and other bullshit. (btw they aren't dating, he's gay) And it hurt like crazy to see that. I've never felt this bad because of it. He assured me, that im still his best friend. He meant it, but I just cant believe him. My thoughts were only that I have to die or everyone else has to. There is no way he can like someone more than me. Everyone is so much better than me, so much more interesting and so much funnier. I used to be funny and normal before, but now everything I see is the fear of losing him and it's so intense. He says he will never abandon, that im the best etc But I just hate seeing him with other people, so much that I want to die and I wish only bad thing happened to those people. I would be happy if those people left him....it sounds like im the worst person in the world, but i really dont want to feel this way. I've never been like this, I've never wished anything bad to others. I dont know why I feel this way and why I cant see anything else. This is all I can think about and I am so scared. It's one of my biggest fears. I dont know what to do. Can anyone relate?
Im sorry for my English. It is not my native language.
Thank you so much for reasons and for answering.
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self.depression
|
Not sure what happiness is anymore Everything gets to me. Every little mistake brings my level of anxiety even higher than it is. I feel like a fuck up in every sense of the word. This feeling is so overwhelming. I think about what if I were to end things now. What is the point anymore?
I have no real life skills. Barely any social skills, probably enough to skate by. Not good at any particular thing except sitting at home, watching TV and eating crap. People say go seek out happiness but they don't really mean it. They want you to seek their interpretation of it and I'm sick of it. Wishing that there was a reset button on life and just go back to my childhood.
I despise the way I'm living my life. It upsets me the way the world works and how greedy and self-focused everyone is. People seem so pseudo-busy click clacking away on their cellphones that we never make enough time to present in the moment and cherish one another.
I feel stuck in a dark hole where the surface is out of reach. I don't like the way I'm living life but feel too trapped to do otherwise. I'm so unhappy with life. I don't even know what normal is supposed to feel like anymore. Nothing in my life seems fulfilling enough to care about. Fed up would be an understatement of how I'm feeling and I just don't know what to do at this point.
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self.depression
|
I can't take this pain anymore, I have to end it now I am not exaggerating when I say that every waking second if my pathetic existence is unbearably painful. I'm seconds away from cutting my throat and I have no reason to hesitate. I thought it was bad 6 months ago but that was just the beginning. I gave myself more time, I gave life another chance and everything has only gotten worse and worse. I won't write it out because nobody cares and if I make this too long then nobody will read. I'm done, I'm not going to live like this anymore. I am done.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’ve had 5 really good days in a row! I’ve been on 60 mg Cymbalta since late June, and tried combining it with 2 mg Abilify. That wasn’t working, so my doctor put me on 30 mg trazodone last week. I’ve been feeling pretty good ever since - the level of self-hating thoughts seems to have decreased, I have more motivation and even started meal planning and counting calories to try and have healthier habits.
I used to tear up regularly at work and wish I could just kill myself, but those thoughts are fewer and farther between since starting the new medication. I’m excited but also worried about feeling better: I’m seeing a psychiatrist for the first time in about a month, but is it worthwhile if by then I’m not feeling my symptoms as much? 🤔 I also feel some guilt about not having constant thoughts of suicide - isn’t that bizarre?
Either way, I’m just glad that I finally feel up to actively working towards getting better (eating right, looking up volunteer opportunities, etc). Just thought I’d share. ☺️ sending support and good vibes to everyone!
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self.depression
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How is hearing original music in my head considered an "auditory hallucination" if composers who are stable have this same thing happening to them as well? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Fell like I’m going to live poverty I’m currently in university and hate what I’m studying. I want to study something like math or computer science but I’m too retarded to do so. I have a lot of learning disabilities and everyone at my school and my parents included doubt my abilities. Everyone has ever since I could remember, but in grade school and high school they just felt bad for me so they passed me anyways. I can’t drop out of college because I have no skills or talent that I can pursue on my own, so I’m trying to learn a new skill at school. The only way I’ll stop going to college is if I fail out which I’m pretty close to. I feel very hopeless that I’ll be working a minimum wage job or on disability/welfare living day by day just trying to get by. I want to try harder and study but my depression districts me so much. I feel hopeless everyone doubts me I doubt myself there is so much doubt. Idk what to do I just want to have a good paying job that also has more purpose than bagging someone’s fucking groceries. I’d probably kill myself if I end up doing that full time. I’m giving it until the end of this semester which at the end of December and if I fail out I’m going to kill myself because there is going to be no point. I have already been dealt a shitty hand in life with a lot medial/mental health issues there really is no point. At least the good job could take my mind off that. But I guess there is not much expectation for kids who struggle with academics. So it is assumed that I wouldn’t pass school and would be working a shitty unfulfilling job. I wish I could stop all the negativity in my life and in the world. Everyday there so much of it it drains the shit out of me. I can’t take the pressure I can’t life. Idk what to do. Sorry for long post but I feel stuck I’ve felt stuck for as long as I can remember. PLEASE HELP.
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self.depression
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Hey, anyone wanna talk? I'm using a windows phone and haven't got a lot to do, so I'm gonna be spending a lot of time on Reddit 'cause it actually works. I'm feeling down and just want a friend to talk to :)
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self.depression
|
Having one of those days -Thoughts are everywhere- Just started on my Wellbutrin a few days ago, was feeling great but woke up today with very depressive feelings as I usually do. I'm feeling rather alone today. Been thinking about my childhood, teen and adult life and realizing not much has really changed. I want to feel loved but lately I haven't been feeling it. Growing up my mother pushed me away, my father did, sister, and step father. No one in my immediate family circle really wanted anything to do with me and I blame my depression and my lack of excitement for life for it. Maybe if I was feeling less worthless those thoughts would shift but right now, what Im feeling/thinking appears to be the truth, maybe. I have been depressed for as long as I can remember, long before I was given my first anti depressant at age 11. I have never had a lot of friends growing up, I don't think I was ever an unpleasant person to be around just someone who is kinda wet-sponge-like. My best who I grew up with and lived across the street unintentionally burned what was left of our friendship, I don't think she realizes how much she hurt me. She was drunk and asked if I had any pads or tampons, I did and walked them over (She bought a house with her fiancee 2 blocks over from where I live). I ring the door and was greeted by her and maybe 15 other people, her fun friends, brother and his friends. She completely forgot she invited me over, and this was maybe 15 minutes between asking me for tampons and by the time I got there. She invited me in out of obligation, I stayed for a few beer and went home. I was really hurt, everyone in that house I knew, I babysat some of them when they were younger. I wasn't invited. Mind you I just turned 28 and I feel like maybe I shouldn't be this upset, I'm trying to rationalize it but what I feel is that I have been replaced. My mother has been in AA for almost a year and has been sober, she sees like a completely new person and Im happy for her. Though, how she treats me remains the same and only contacts me when she needs something or prys to come see my cat. Every weekend she goes to the bar to have pop, hang with her nieces and seems to have a good time. In my 28 years, I have gone to the movies once with my mother, we have never gone out to do something fun. Our only outings together were at family dinners, and to go grocery shopping to be her extra set of hands. I wish my mother liked me enough to want to be around me. Father had court ordered visitation on weekends, he stopped abruptly and stopped taking my calls. As I got older I tried to connect with him but he was always "busy" and that he would call me back. Yet my drug addicted mentally unstable could pop by his house anytime and she would be welcomed. 2 years ago my sister told me my father never thought I was his, despite having identical birth marks on the same leg. It is bogus but it explains why he chose preference over his first born. I was a punching bag for my sister and an easy target for bullying at school and home, parents did nothing and let it happen. Step father took over the home, tormented me about my weight and how much of a c*** I was, I was getting this from age 12 to about 19 until I moved away. My relationships in life have taught me that I am unwanted and unlovable. I have been in a good relationship for 2 years with my fiancee, I love him to pieces, but the guilt of feeling worthless and deepening depression over recent events and winter, is concerning. I worry that I am pushing him away with my constant sobbing and not being 100% confident in why I'm upset. I cry first, find the reason second. He assures me everything is okay but reality is distorted and I don't quite believe him. I'm not sure if I'm asking for help or just looking to get this off of my chest, but yeah. I don't really know what its like to feel wanted or loved, its not something that I have ever experienced enough to know for sure, but I'm scared I'm going to live my life with my fiance not feeling like he's not doing enough but in reality, its that I just don't know what love is, and how to know that I am receiving it. This isn't a him problem, its a me problem and I am fully aware of it, just not at those moments when Im having a depressive episode. I know I need help I don't want my loved one to suffer.
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self.depression
|
The teetotaler drama I'm a teetotaler. I hate the smell and the taste of the alcohol. For this I'm being marginalized and considered abnormal.
So far I lived a shitty life because of this and probably I will always live a shitty life. Only because of this.
I can't even go out on friday and saturday because even the waiters makes fun of me. Sometimes they refuse to take me simple water during this days, sometimes they don't listen to me and still serve me a beer that I must pay even if left undrinked, other times they makes disgusted faces.
I cannot stand anymore all of this. It's a fucking bullshit. Just because I don't like this one thing I'm destinated to live a lonely, cold life. It's too sad. I don't see any reason to keep leaving a suffering life like this
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Lost And Alone I feel tired. I have lost my will to live. I feel broken, lost and alone. I feel like a failure.
I pull my hair out and now have a semi-large bald spot.
Life seems hopeless. I want to die.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Sugar = sadness? Does anyone else feel depressed when the sugar from a treat wears off? I cried and held my daughters for a few minutes during church yesterday. I should know not to eat donuts.
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self.bipolar
|
I’m so happy! I quit the epitome of a soul sucking desk job this weekend. I don’t care that I had to repay the relocation package. It was worth it. Fix your damn company and hire more people.
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self.offmychest
|
I just spent the past 15 minutes sobbing in the bathroom at work because it finally hit me that I have no friends It’s not their fault, it’s mine. I had tons of friends in high school, we hung out almost every day. I was always over at someone’s house, saving sleepovers, playing games.
After high school I kept in touch with a few but you separate and move on somewhat right? Made two friends in university, I dropped out after my first semester and just started working, everyday. I was and still am too ashamed to see some people because while they’ve gone on to do good things and good schools and good jobs I’m doing nothing with my life. I’m fatter, stopped caring about my looks, boring, working a dead end job. Every-time someone asked to hangout I said I was already working. Eventually people stop messaging. Eventually people stop caring.
I just finished up my shift and was scrolling through Instagram after getting changed. I’m alone at work and I’m just waiting for my wet mop patch to dry so I’m just standing around in the bathroom being lazy and waiting. Someone’s picture scrolls by of their birthday celebration, it’s in black and white, they’ve got big silver balloons behind them with their age, they’re dressed up, they’ve got a little tiara on their head, she looks happy and she’s tagged her friends who she’s out with. I knew her in school, not really friends and I’ve seen tons of pictures like that before loads of times, especially on Instagram. For some reason it just struck me, being happy out with friends, someone’s taking their picture, celebrating their birthday, they’ve got a little tiara and they look like a friggan princess. My birthdays coming up and I just realized no one will ever do that for me. I haven’t been ‘out with the girls’ like that in almost 5 years. No ones going to take my picture, get me balloons, let me wear a stupid little tiara and sing me happy birthday.
It’s so stupid, I don’t NEED those things, I feel like a spoiled child but I just feel so alone. It made me burst out crying, and I can’t stop crying even writing this because I crave friendship but I don’t even know where to look anymore. And if someone were to come along and offer me their friendship, I wouldn’t even know what to do anymore.
I feel so stupid. I have a loving boyfriend who would do anything for me and is my best friend but we see each other every day and sometimes you just need something a little different than the same person all the time. Sometimes I feel so selfish and needy for thinking that 😖
Update/Edit: Thank you to all that commented, I didn’t think my midnight ramblings would get this popular and now waking up to it and rereading it, I feel better having vented and crying it out. Some of you gave deep insight on your own lives and what friendship means to you or how you’ve lived without friendship as well. I really appreciate that and I hope everyone here finds their version of happiness, regardless if friendship is in their future or not. I have two hangouts scheduled for the end of this month and May so if those go well I’m going to try and push myself to get back in touch with more people. While I do like my alone time, I also realize that maybe my friends who did keep trying to reach out to me maybe still do care, maybe they still want to see me and ask how my life is and I should take that chance to open up to people again.
Thank you for listening, your stories and your advice ❤️
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self.depression
|
There's a point where you become so miserable that you can't even look forward to the weekends anymore. I still feel sad, just a different type of sad...if that makes any sense.
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self.depression
|
I’m not invited to my best friends wedding. So, my best friend is getting married in a few months. And I’m not invited. We’ve been basically sisters for around 10 years now. I’m close with her family, she’s close with mine. Like the best friend of all best friends.
She got engaged last year and was really excited about a wedding, but then got not so excited. So she decided she was gunna have a small, family only wedding. I assumed I’d be going! Then she laid hints that it was FAMILY FAMILY only, and so I finally asked if I was invited and I wasn’t.
I was honestly really hurt and I kept that from her for a while, but finally told her because I couldn’t hold it in anymore and she was like I want you there and yay I was included again. But then like two months ago she started getting really weird and anxious and cut the guest list again and I guess I’ve been knocked off it. I asked if she had sent invited out and she was like yeah a month ago, so I guess I won’t be recieving one.
I’m fucking pissed. I feel like I shouldn’t be because it’s her wedding but like what the fuck. She’s mentioned random family members I know she’s not close with going, but not me.
Idk where else to put this.
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self.offmychest
|
It was my birthday today and everyone forgot. I'm posting this late at night so I'll feel better about no one seeing it.
I haven't celebrated my birthday in five years because my best friend never remembered, and thought I'd try again. I made a big deal out of it, but everyone forgot, including my girlfriend and both my best friends. In fact, one of my friends went to someone else's belated birthday celebration, who they made homemade cake for and had a party for.
I didn't ask for any presents or anything, just for people to remember. Even after I reminded my friend going to the party he said "fuck, I'm stupid" and didn't even go on to say happy birthday. I might as well just slit my wrists.
This came the day after having a huge fight with my friends over my having longstanding issues with them not being there for me. I'm going right back to never celebrating my birthday again, for the exact same reason as before only amplified by five.
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self.depression
|
Exhaustion I am depleted.
I am tired of resisting the unceasing pain. Just going through the daily motions is growing harder. I no longer look for things to do. Even stopped to feel regret over the past mistakes, as there is no energy left to care. Apathy dominates.
I do not welcome new days. I have nothing to do with them. I want to hibernate.
Nothing brings me joy. I actually forgot what does that mean. Smiling people look like aliens.
Seems like the severe lack of acceptance keeps me in this. The kid I have been did not have such a problem with living. I wish for something to happen to me.
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self.depression
|
I hate when people make me feel like a burden when I try to tell them about my anxiety This is kind of just a rant. For the last 3 or so months I've been almost anxiety free, doing really well, super happy for the first time in my life, and finally able to reach my full potential. For some reason the transition back to college from winter break shook me up a bit and I was feeling pretty anxious today (the first day of classes). Anxiety for me means nausea, headaches, feverish feeling, tension, overall just feeling sick. I headed home to visit with my parents for a few hours and when I told my mom I was feeling anxious and sick, she sighed my name and rolled her eyes.
I hate when people make me feel like that. Of all people, I definitely thought I could talk to my mom, especially since I haven't bothered her since August really with anything anxiety related.
Guess not.
Feeling worse than I did earlier. Hoping this is just a rough patch.
Hope everyone has a nice, relaxing night :)
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self.Anxiety
|
wellbutrin day 2 Well yesterday had me feelin like I popped a pill of speed within the first 30 mins (literally, I began cleaning 3 seperate areas of my house at the same time). I couldn't force myself to sleep last night either. I realize taking this in the afternoon was a bad idea due to the stimulation... i hate pulling all nighters but I may have to..
I can feel the surge of energy rushing thru my bones right now.. this is such a weird drug.
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self.depression
|
meditation? has this helped any of you? im probably going to try it soon
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self.bipolar
|
Help! Why do I care what one person thinks? Can anyone help me figure out why I care so much with what one of my friends thinks of me? Just one of my friends. We’ve been friends for 15 years or so. But for some reason I need to impressive him, tell him what movies I like, send him memes, snap chats. For no reason at all. It drives me crazy. It even bothered me for some reason that he cancelled his cable. I have no idea why. I’m 30 year old male
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self.Anxiety
|
I have to kill myself I don’t see it as an option anymore, I’m just too deep in it, it’s going to happen soon. I don’t care if this hurts others, I can’t take the pain no more.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The leech is finally gone from my life (UPDATE) [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I have sexual thoughts about kids. I'm 26. Please don't hate me, I already hate myself more than you ever will. I wasn't always this way. But sometime around 2011, I began to notice that I felt certain urges and thoughts when near prepubescent children. They aren't urges to hurt them or, god forbid, do *that* to them...but I would sometimes imagine them naked and using the toilet.
That sounds really strange, and this requires some backstory on me: since my teens, I've been aroused by images of people going to the bathroom (don't ask why, who the hell knows). It mostly pertained to people my age...but then I accidentally came across a kid (Google Image, I don't go to any...*sites*, good lord) and found myself equally aroused. I was horrified.
I know this is really, really gross and sick, I know. It's happening more and more often, these thoughts. I had a therapist who knew, but when she moved away, I had no one. Trust me, it takes months or even *years* to build up that kind of trust for me. I can't even say the...word...itself because I am so sickened by how I think sometimes.
Believe me: you cannot hate me more than I hate myself. I nearly attempted suicide twice in college and it was a big part of my rationale for truly attempting suicide in March. Please, please, just...be kind. That's all I want. I've never felt more alone.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
New semester anxiety So tomorrow I have a new semester with new subjects and everything, and shit...I know for a fact that my anxiety will tear me apart tomorrow, I haven't been to college for 3 weeks now after the finals, and shit...I have to get out of bed and go there, it's either this or I work labor, so I HAVE to go, but I am scared, imagine living 3 weeks with no sunlight and the next day you go to college, my anxiety is going to kill me because these are new classes with new teachers and people, I will DIE... right now I am trying to do cardio to help myself feel less anxious but it's no use, can any of you guys please give me any tips to pass the day tomorrow?
In short, I am not anxious because of studying, I am anxious from the 1 hour and 15 minutes I will have to endure in a room full of people, I have tremors and anxiety
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self.Anxiety
|
My parents think that being gay is a mental illness and that it's justification for murder We had a friend over for dinner today who was talking about cultural differences between her hometown and a big city. She was taking about a gay friend who came out to his extended family while drunk. His dad beat him up so badly that he ended up in the ER and almost died. After she left, my dad told me that it was understandable and that he would probably do the same thing. My mom then asked what I would do and was legitimately shocked when I said I wouldn't beat my kid up.
I've been struggling with my sexuality for a while and this was really disturbing to hear from my parents. I can't imagine anything that would ever justify murdering my children.
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self.offmychest
|
Dumb Ass Whining Sometimes shit is so heavy and painful I can barely move. I have to hide and cry, there's no one to share the weight, no one who thinks your shit is real shit because we all have shit and it's not even fair to expect someone to help you with your load-- but it's so so heavy... it's good to be strong but mfkrs aren't invincible. And you probably painted yourself into a corner anyway with your can handle whatever attitude. So who's fault is this shit? Yours, and you hide your punk ass to cry and feel sorry for yourself when you can make actual change instead of fukkin whining like a little 8!+ch (made me take it out).
Regrets, responsibility, intention, expectation... its all too goddamn much sometimes... FUCK!
AND this is on a fake account cuz I'm too much of a fukkin punk to use my real still anonymous shit....smfh!
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self.offmychest
|
I don't really know what's happening anymore Hey sub, highschool junior here and I want to open up. I don't really know what's going on or if it's a phase but this seems like a good place to start.
This school year started just under 3 months ago now and since the end of the first week I've been feeling worse and worse. I want to kinda start with my appetite, I was a person who would tend to eat 3 well sized meals a day, drink one cup of coffee in the morning, and have 1-2 possible small snacks along with that. Now I skip breakfast so I can get 15 minutes more of sleep, replace my lunch with 1-2 energy drinks (still + 1 cup of coffee), and eat a small but existing dinner. It started small, skip a bite here, save some leftovers there, but it's developed into this feeling. This feeling where I'm hungry a lot of the time but despise the idea of eating. I just don't understand how this happens.
In my previous school years I was a solid A-B student who is now trying to balance C-D class grades, I can't bring myself to do my work anymore. Some nights I would just sit there, possibly shed a tear and go to bed knowing I can't complete the assignments by my deadlines. The lack of food has not been fun, and this only adds to the stress.
My sleep habits have worsened somehow since summer, typically you would stay up late on summer break and get back to normal sleeping hours when school hits but for me I just slept less. I never felt the need to sleep but allways felt drained of energy. Most weekends is when I try to catch up on my hours but it's not a healthy lifestyle. Funny, I'm writing this as the clock currently says 12:34 in bold red text.
Mainly though my attitude has changed, I have started to just take everything at face value, I no longer banter with my friends between classes but instead tune everything out with music. That's the only time I feel like I'm good, when I'm surrounded by people and interact with none of them. Some of my friends who got through depression I have opened up to but I don't want to over run them with my problems so the majority of my thoughts get left with me.
All and all I don't know what's going on at this point, I'm not comfortable talking with my family about this and I've thought about talking with some teachers I trust but haven't brought myself to do it yet. I just wanted to get this out and I'm hoping you guys are in a better place than me.
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self.depression
|
Any experience with Form 1/Form 3 involuntary inpatient in Canada? So I got put on a Form 1, 72-h involuntary hold for psych assessment. When the 72 h was up they asked me if I would stay voluntarily and I said yes.
If I had said no, they could have forced me to stay by putting me on a Form 3. I don't know if they would have or not.
If I change my mind and say I want to leave now, can they still put me on a Form 3 to stop me if they don't think I should leave? Anyone have experience with this?
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self.bipolar
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I want to kill myself but im too scared [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Need advice. Hey guys. I came for an advice.
I’m dating girl for a couple of months now. She is amazing, We always have amazing time together and we don’t stop talking for a second. I’d say we are really good friends now and she always says things like: *if I don’t like a guy I’d never go on date with him* so it makes me feel like I have more than a chance.
Last 2 months I have been depressed and kept cancelling our dates because I felt like a shit. I feel like she deserves someone much better than crazy guy with cycles who’s unable to accomplish anything. She messaged me 3rd week in row if I have time this weekend so I really want to see her.
The question is: should I tell her about my condition? I want to explain her why em I like that last few weeks but I’m afraid it will scare her. I know she is clever and open minded girl but I have no idea what her reaction is going to be. The reason I want to tell is her is that if we ever end up in relationship, I will have to tell her anyway or she will learn it the hard way and experience one of my phases.
So what do you guys recon? Tell her or not? Have you ever been in similar situation? What was the outcome? Many thanks for any advice.
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self.bipolar
|
i don't like to leave my house anymore. my depression feels like it's just hanging over me all the time, and so i stay in my dorm all day, every day, and i'll admit it's getting boring. there are things i'd like to do - take a walk to the library, for example - but that means i'd have to be away from my dorm for an extended period of time, and i feel like i can't do that.
it's not like i'm afraid to go outside, i think it's more that i'm afraid that while i'm out, i'll feel bad, and i won't be able to easily just lay in bed and sleep away those feelings like i could if i was here. i don't want to start feeling bad in public.
also, for some reason, it just feels like it's such a giant, impossible task, even when it's actually very simple. i'm tired of feeling like this, and i'm worried that i'll still feel this way when the semester starts and it'll be difficult for me to go to my classes.
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self.depression
|
Wtf am I supposed to do? I don't get it. I decided to give my family doctor a try today to see if I could get off SSRIs and maybe switch to a low dose benzo, but she said I wouldn't ever be prescribed any benzo because I used to use drugs (96 days sober btw) yet I was never addicted to benzos. Psychiatrist strictly prescribes SSRIs which I have no reaction to.
How do they expect me to somehow react to these drugs when I haven't in the time I've taken them (over a year)? What can I do? Anxiety is causing psychotic episodes again which is gonna land me back in a psychiatric hospital.
Why are doctors just in it for them money? I had to drive like 45 miles just to go see her, told her I was having severe back pain from scoliosis, face numbing, and still have bad anxiety/social anxiety/depression. What did I get out of taking my time to drive over there, waiting for an hour to be seen, and having to pay for the visit? A paper that tells me about back pain...
I haven't really wanted to get back into using drugs, but at this point doctors seem pretty useless.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Living life Is the slowest, longest, and most painful way to die. I give up.
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self.depression
|
Confidence I seriously want to do Performing Arts, at college, I have an audition in January, but I have zero confidence! :(, and I don’t know what to do, as I feel I should be doing it! :(
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self.Anxiety
|
I finally kissed a girl. I preface this story with a few facts about me. I was homeschooled my whole life, never had a relationship, and have now just arrived back home for Thanksgiving break. I matched with a girl on tinder on Monday, and set up a date for Wednesday. My first kiss was with a platonic friend that lasted 5 seconds when we were both drunk. I was sober for this story. This story happened on Mt. Lemmon.
It took us a long time to find a spot on the mountain that had a decent view and was also flat enough for the blanket, by the time we got there the sun was already very low in the sky. Once we found a spot, I set up the blanket and we sat down to watch the sunset with some chocolate cookies and apple cider. We talked for about an hour, learning about each other and discussing funny stories. I ended up telling her about how I'd only ever kissed one girl, and how inexperienced I was with that side of things. Eventually we decided to go back to the car and find a new place, one with a better view. We arrived and I brought her to a little alcove that I had discovered before. We chilled there and told more jokes for a few minutes, and then attempted to head back to the car. Unfortunately the way back up was a lot more difficult then the way down, and I had to pick her up in order for her to get back on track(again many laughs were had in this moment). As we walked towards the car I suggested that we set up the blanket and watch the stars, she opened up the back of the car and we set it up. We sat on the edge of the back, talking again about things I don't remember, for maybe 20 minutes. Finally when there was a moment of silence I broke composure and confessed that I had been trying (and failing miserably) this whole time to make a move on her. She said it's a simple as leaning in and seeing what happens. I tried leaning in a few times but couldn't go all the way, and then I suggested laying back where the pillows were as it'd be easier. Once we layed back I finally got up the courage to start kissing her. She was very patient, and when we took small breaks she'd explain how I could improve. After about 45 minutes of making out, we took a breather and ate some ice cream, then watched old family videos on her phone. We lay back again and I asked for her to move into a cuddle position that I learned from a friend, once she did this she asked if that was me making a move on her. I replied, "no, I just wanted to cuddle", but then almost immediately a lightbulb went off in my head and I started kissing her again. This time was much sweeter, and at least twice as good as the first time. I took her head in my hands and kissed her, I cuddled her and kissed her, I put my hand on her cheek and kissed her, we moved together and had lulls and peaks of passion, sometimes fast and intense and others slow and deliberate, and she kissed me back with just the perfect smile on her lips. I tried kissing her neck and we shared a moment of laughter at the awkwardness. Our phones would go off and we kept saying that now is the time to leave, but I kept going for one more kiss. She was so sweet. Our smiles would meet, then break apart into a happy kiss. Finally we packed up and started the drive back, sharing more stories and jamming out to some hard rock until we were halfway to my house, and then we busted out the Disney music and sang at the top of our lungs until we arrived. I leaned over and kissed her one last time, then went inside.
I've always had somewhat of a worry that I'd never have this experience with a girl, and I'm still on cloud fucking 11 because of this experience. I just need to share this with someone, believe it or don't but it just happened to me today, and I know how true it is.
EDIT: It's the next morning and I occasionally will get a wiff of her perfume or something, and I really don't want to shower :)
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self.offmychest
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Nobody wished me happy birthday. So today I became 17. Nobody really wished me happy birthday except for my mother and my 2 sisters, my dad forgot.
My "best friend" which I've known since elementary school didn't even though I know he was notified by Facebook. I have 800 friends on Facebook and only like 5 wished me happy birthday, every year I always get more depressed than I usually am on my birthday, it just reminds me of the fact that nobody really cares about me. Idk what I'm trying to do by typing this, I guess I just wanted to vent.
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self.depression
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I had a nightmare about me committing a mass shooting [deleted]
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self.depression
|
A Question For Medical Professionals With Bipolar (Specifically In USA)--I Want To Pursue A Career In The Medical Field, But I'm Having Trouble Figuring Out Exactly Which Position To Go After (x-post r/bipolar) I want to pursue a career in the medical field. I already have a BA, but I graduated in 2010 with a degree in an unrelated field. I volunteered in an E.R. while in college, so I have an idea of what goes on, and I also have tons of experiences with being on the patient-end of the medical field (I'm sure you can relate).
My question is, in your experience, do you recommend becoming an RN (possibly -to-NP) or an MD/DO? I have this list of pros and cons, but I can't seem to make up my mind which to pursue. I already have to take all of the science prerequisites (whether through the online UNE program or through a community college--I get that those aren't accepted at many med schools). I also know that volunteering again might be helpful, but mainly what I gleaned from that experience was that being a volunteer kind of sucked, whereas being a nurse or doctor was what I really wanted.
Anyway, I'm going to post this on other forums, if I can find the right ones, but I thought I'd ask here and r/bipolar first.
Thanks!
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self.bipolar
|
I don't feel like I'm going anywhere in life I'm 23 and now at the point in my life where I'm seeing people I used to go to high school with graduating from college and I envy them so much. I feel like I wasted so much time since I spent 3 years in community college, only to transfer to a state university and consistently fail the one course I've had the most trouble in which is algebra. To top it all off, I've had a lot of time to think about what I want to do in life and my heart is set on going to medical school and becoming a doctor. At this point, I don't care how long it takes me, but I feel like I keep hitting a brick wall because I have no friends at school, live by myself in an apartment less than a mile from campus, don't have a car or license and can't find any motivation to do work because I just feel empty and anxious all the time, some days better or worse than others. I'm not sure how much more I can take since I just got an e-mail back from my advisor saying that literally the only choice I have for the following spring semester in terms of classes is to take only Intermediate Algebra by itself or along with one other class. Even when I tried taking the class this past fall semester, I did something I've never done before and tried a paid tutor. Needless to say that didn't work out since he was constantly checking his phone while tutoring me and didn't seem to have the patience for me because I have such terrible foundational problems. The other thing I've never done that I did this semester was go to a counselor, which only lasted for two meetings, as he had to cancel on me due to a family emergency, and me, having intense social anxiety, didn't pick up the phone to reschedule, and so now I am in the process of trying to find a psychiatrist outside of my college. It feels like I'm just digging myself into an even deeper hole than I ever have before and I'm falling so far behind it's laughable.
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self.depression
|
"Always remember to wear sunscreen! Or you might get skin cancer like me!" [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety always returns when i'm not at college Whenever there is a break from classes my anxiety gets really bad. I'm fine during term time, even in the midst of finals and deadlines my anxiety is pretty non-existent. In fact last week I had a really tough week with five deadlines and a presentation and it was probably the only week in the past 6 weeks that I haven't had a panic attack.
However now it's Christmas break and I have had five days off from university (I finished last Friday). Today I have had three panic attacks. My panic attacks are always to do with health anxiety, and things I would brush off during term time because I'm too busy to deal with I am now having panic attacks over.
**TRIGGER WARNING DON'T READ IF YOU HAVE HEALTH ANXIETY**
All my panic attack "triggers" are minor things that the average person would ignore, and I ignore during term time. For example today I had a random tooth ache (probably from over-brushing) and I convince myself that I'm developing a tooth infection that is going to spread. Or I have an ingrown hair and I think it's MRSA. Or I notice a normal floater I've had for years and I think my retina is detaching. Or I get rain in my eyes whilst wearing contact lenses and I think I'm going to get a horrid eye infection.
**END OF TRIGGER WARNING**
I'm not sure what to do because this breaks are part of being a student. Today I was out with a friend and I came home and had two panic attacks, so it's not like it's entirely because of social isolation.
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self.Anxiety
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I was just shown a glock handgun while looking at a thread on here of all places... not sure if I can post this? [removed]
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self.depression
|
I was always the “one that lost weight (50lbs)” in our family, and the one that was praised for getting so thin and looking amazing and now my brother has lost 50lbs... [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
My job is making me depressed I've been at the same job for almost 2 years now. I've recently become so depressed due to my job it's affecting my personal life (sleep, hobbies, relationships).
I work for a very small (10 people) company. My roles/responsibilities aren't outlined clearly. I end up doing things "wrong" because I didn't know things were/weren't my responsibility. I never get praise either so that just makes me feel stupid and that I can't do things right.
I had a coworker tell me I was rude to a customer. This was AFTER the customer flipped out and screamed in my face. She ended up flipping me off as she left. She knew the customer and told me *I* made mistakes...but never gave me specifics. I don't know what I did wrong. Other coworkers were witness and didn't think I did anything wrong. I've gotten numerous accolades at previous jobs (employee of the month). I lose sleep over this regularly.
It seems like my plate is full...yet more things keep getting added. It's so hard to catch up. The worst part is I'm salaried so I work my ass off and don't get anything extra for it. I'm expected to spend extra time outside of work in meetings, etc. I recently attempted to take a solid 30 minute lunch break every day for myself. I still end up being interrupted.
I feel like my employees just rely on me to do everything because they're lazy. I'm not a genius, but I work hard at problem solving. If they don't know how to do things and they ask me. It's understandable as I'm a manager. However, it's simple tasks that with 5 minutes of effort any average person could do. Example: our computer used for timecards sometimes has finicky internet. You can just unplug the ethernet cord and restart the computer to fix it. Every time this happens no one clocks in and I find out later that the computer is "broken". I have to "fix" it and then manually put in everyone's times.
I was recently told I was "negative" for giving honest feedback on a shitstorm of a day. I was an adult and appropriately said the day did not go well and I'd hate to do it again. The company is all about numbers without considering what is sustainable by staff. This has led me to completely burn out.
I'm at a loss. This job isn't worth it considering I get ZERO benefits. My spouse doesn't want me to take a job that pays less than I make now. I don't know if I can find something like that based on my experience/education/where I live.
I feel so withdrawn. I have no motivation do to the things I love. I don't want to be around loved ones. I just want to sleep all the time.
What should I do?
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self.depression
|
Can you share your experiences with Citalopram? I’m not having a great time on them.
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self.depression
|
Signed up for a boxing gym today, planning on going there to train and take lessons every day [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I'm becoming less codependent on others. It'a a very slow process, but I'm learning how to be comfortable with myself and not rely so heavily on attention from my friends. I don't seek their approval, but I've noticed for a long time that if they don't reply, I tend to get anxious and I just want to be as mentally healthy as possible and I realize my intrusive thoughts are a result of my anxiety and depression, as well as a bit of paranoia, and it makes me feel embarrassed and I want that to change. I'm not fully there yet, but I know that eventually, the "zing" that I get when certain people text me or interact with me on social media will be replaced with other things and I'll be able to draw happiness from other sources and until then, I'll try my best to keep myself occupied.
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self.depression
|
I feel alone even with people around, any tips? I’ve been feeling so alone. I live with my best friend, I’m talking to a guy, I call my other best friend everyday. Yet with all these people around me, I feel alone, sad, & unwanted when they aren’t around or constantly talking to me. I sound needy so I try not to bother but I just can’t help but to feel a emptiness in my chest. Does anyone have tips with dealing with this?
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self.depression
|
Does anyone feel brain fog and like your head is too heavy? I haven't been diagnosed with depression by a professional, but I know I have a severe case of it. I'm 26yo no job atm, no higher education beyond a ged. No motivation for absolutely anything. I force myself to run on the treadmill and weight lift. I have no desire to do anything. My question tho is over the past 2 or so months I've had this feeling of brain fog, like I can't think straight, my thoughts are all over the place. My eyes seem to look places but my mind lags way behind, my cognitive process seems to be slow as shit. And the heavy head feeling is almost debilitating. It feels like a tight pressure on the top of my head and goes around the back of my head and neck. Like it's too heavy for my neck to support. Has anyone here ever experienced this?
I'm new to posting here btw. Long long time lurker. Name is Jay
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self.depression
|
I don't want a girlfriend, not today, not any day. I don’t need a girlfriend, I don’t know why people don’t understand this and yet continually tell me that I need to settle down and that they need to set me up with someone.
I get these people mean well and want me to be happy but I am happy, I’m happy on my own and I don’t need or want a woman, I just want to be single and left alone.
I have had one relationship and I hated it, I felt trapped and she brought drama and insecurities into the relationship and stressed me out. I just want an easy life and I find people overcomplicate the simplicity I enjoy and I just cannot deal with their baggage and I don’t want to engage in their folly.
I have explained this and yet people still ask me “when will you settle down?” Grr, buzz off.
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self.offmychest
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A question (not entirely sure if it belongs here) Hello /r/depression,
I'm a college freshman who's been dealing with depression and has been receiving counseling so far. Lately, I've come to think I haven't been dealing with just one problem but two, i.e not only have I been dealing with depression but a different issue mutually exclusive with depression.
I've been dealing with this thing where I find it very, very hard to take a certain action (e.g: studying, or reading a book) and where I feel like I have no option but to procrastinate doing it or not do it at all at certain times, even if I'm not feeling the usual symptoms of depression. At other times, things are perfectly normal: I'm able to study, and I really enjoy doing it!
/r/depression, I wonder if this issue has a specific name, or if this issue resembles some well-known disorder.
I plan on bringing this up with my counselor anyway, but I'd appreciate any help: putting a name to what I've been going through (i.e depression) has really helped me cope with it; I think putting a name to this other issue will also really help.
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self.depression
|
Finally someone listens My psychiatrist is a jerk. Yes I’m going to have a new doctor starting in November, but I’m stuck with this guy until then.
He doesn’t listen, seems to have preconceived notions about why patients are there (words of the nurse and my therapist), and he won’t even make eye contact.
His solution to my situation was to “cure insomnia” that I don’t have. So he prescribed Neurontin and Trazadone. My PCP wasn’t happy with the Trazadone only for sleep and told me a to take the AD every night for its AD effects, with the neurontin as a mood stabilizer. I don’t see any effect from the neurontin but my depression seems to have lightened. If I don’t take the Trazadone, I become hypomanic quickly. Almost as though it’s forced on me.
That being said, I’m having side effects from the Neurontin that are really screwing me up. Double vision, fatigue and constant brain fog. I reported this to him last month and he decided I needed more Neurontin and ANOTHER AD to be used with the Trazadone for sleep. Again telling me he needed to cure my insomnia. I lost it and screamed at him. I told him I slept just fine before these meds and that I’ve never had a sleep problem. Pharmacist and PCP halted the Remaron and warned me of serious interactions.
Fast forward to today. My therapist called to check in and I told her the blurry vision is bad, that I’m angry and feel like I’ve lost my intellect. She had one of the nurses call me and she said I should taper off the Neurontin and take something different. She contacted the nurse at the office where the doctor is today, and that nurse called me. His advice was go to the ER. I said, this is a common side effect that goes away after you taper off and I wanted him to get me off of this med and give me something else.
He said no. I’m not tapering you. You need to keep taking it and go to the ER. I called my PCP who I am meeting with tomorrow to get a taper plan and a prescription for 100mg pills to reduce the dosage. He said he will prescribe a different combination, one that he thinks will help more and that he will call the psychiatrist to inform him of the change and his reasons for it.
Finally someone who listens. I called the first nurse back and she was angry about what he told me! I told her what my PCP plans to do tomorrow and she said good. She advised me to cancel my October med check since I won’t need a refill and she scheduled me with the new doctor who starts in November.
Tl;dr My PCP doesn’t agree that I should be taking Neurontin as a mood stabilizer because of the side effects and my pdoc refuses to taper me off at my request.
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self.bipolar
|
Dreams I hate dreams.
Why? Because your happy in them with the people you care for. You're there looking at them with for what feels like a real smile for once. You think "how can life get any better than this?" You look at them and see they're relaxed, not stressed at all and enjoying life. You feel happy. Then, you wake up. Everything you wanted in your life...gone. For just a few moments you were happy for what feels like the first time in your life, but then it's taken away. Then you're there sitting up in bed realizing you weren't in reality and that 'memory' you were in is gone, nothing was real. You look next to you and no one is there, you're alone... like you have been for what feels like your entire life.
Maybe we should go back to sleep and see if we can catch it again. And possibly be happy for one more time because of how amazing it felt to be in there and not reality.
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self.depression
|
The thought of eventually getting a job or "career" sounds straight up awful to me [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Feel more lost than I have ever felt in my entire life.
Hey /r/depression.
I've posted here a few times over the years using different usernames whenever I needed to vent. I'll try my best to put some effort into this post.
I'm a 35 year old man from the United States. A part of me is a little worried that maybe someone might recognize me given the details I am about to share but I really don't care that much about that.
I just lost an entry level IT job. I was working on a service desk. It was okay for a few months but, what I can I say? I just broke. The grind just broke me. All I could think about on my days off from the grind was just going back to it. I guess the nature of the job was a huge trigger. I have grown to hate being "chained" to a desk and taking phone calls for 8 hours a day. I always worried about getting that one phone call that would send me over the edge and just basically make me lose it. I lived in fear of that event. People would tell me to just kinda roll with the punches, not take calls too seriously or personally but fuck, it just kinda got to the point where it always messed with me. I really hated doing it so I guess that can make one depressed.
I fucking hate call centers. I've worked in too many of them but I feel kinda stuck because I have so many of those positions on my resume.
I had been working on a degree in IT so I could get higher level IT jobs but... the thing I'm realizing and that is a bit terrifying to me is that I don't really want to work in IT. I don't care about it. I kinda gravitated to it for the wrong reasons, I suppose. I guess I thought I could live with it since I've always been comfortable with technology and figuring out technology but god damn, I don't think I want to do it as a career so if I accept that, I've basically got no career path.
People ask me what I would do if money was no object. I've never had an answer. I don't fucking know. I don't know what it is I want to do and I don't know how to figure out what it is that I want to do. If anybody does have any suggestions so far as figuring that out, they would be welcome.
Guess that's all I have to say right now. Thanks.
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self.depression
|
16 yr old considering drastic measures Hello. (Sorry if my name offends anyone btw, I made it because I was playing a video game) I don't really know how to start this so I guess I'll just give you some background info. I'm a 16 year old male, I have a good body, straight A's, plenty of "friends", and a void that has been occupying my attention for a little over 3 months. Every day is the same thing, and endless cycle of monotony, I've built a character for myself that's always happy and every day I have to act out his person so others are happy. I'm not myself, I can't be an individual. I feel trapped as even my parents love this character I made, let's call it "John". My mom has been spending more time on the phone than interacting with us. I don't know... I probably haven't done a good job of describing it so I'll condense it all into one point. I'm tired of living the same happy go lucky lie, and tired of not being appreciated, so I'm contemplating ending it. I have made plans before and even gone so far as to open the case of my dads rifle. The only reason I haven't offed myself is because of fear.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Hyper👏🏽sexu👏🏽ality👏🏽 I want to kiss everyone! All of my friends! Every one! (and like... other stuff too) How do I stop? When does it end? When will I get to a point where I don't want to impulsively burn every bridge I have?
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self.bipolar
|
Is it just me, or do most therapists suck? I've tried so many and I'm tired of feeling like they don't give a damn. It's like the one hour a week I am there is the only hour I even cross their mind. Never do I feel like there is a game plan or "treatment plan" to actually move me closer to my goals. It's just random rambling. I talk about my week. We talk about my week. We don't move forward. I have Asperger's and I have never felt like one of them have done the slightest research on the adult Asperger's brain so they can better understand me. I'm between right now but don't know if I'm going back to anybody. Is there a way to spot the good ones?
I get mine off of psychology today and their profile can sound like they are so perfect. Their specialties sound like they were made for me. Then nothing. I'm limited to ones who take Medicare so maybe than in itself means I'm stuck with the bad ones.
I read on here that some people have made a great deal of progress with therapy. Why can't I? When I feel like they're not listening, or they don't remember something significant that has been previously said, it turns me off big-time.
I'm getting old and I'm running out of time to have a meaningful productive life and a possibility at real love. Suicide is looking more and more like an option than ever before. But for some reason, I can't stop with the desire to achieve something--to make a difference in this screwed up world.
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self.depression
|
Its all gone This time last year I had everything, I had a relationship, I had amazing friends, I had security. Everything has just slipped away...I lost my friends, my love, and myself.
I don't have the power to come back from this. I feel so empty. I'm living a lie.
2018 will change nothing. Every day is a new year from the last, if people were really going to change they would have done it by now
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self.depression
|
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