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Anxiety causing hunger or hunger causing anxiety or both? I've been noticing that I get anxious easily and can't handle my intrusive thoughts when I'm hungry. Then, when I'm full, it becomes so easy to handle my anxiety and OCD. Sometimes, I even feel like it's even gone for good… until it comes back.
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self.Anxiety
|
How do you move on from the one person that made you feel like you aren't completely useless? I thought this girl would probably be the one, as crazy as it sounds, but when she told me she moved on my world came crashing down. I haven't been able to get my mind off of her. It breaks my heart we don't talk anymore... what can I do to move on?
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self.depression
|
I need to get this year out of my chest or else i might explode. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Does this sound like I am having an anxiety attack? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
My roommate is cheating on her boyfriend right in front of my eyes and I don't know if I should say anything [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Why is everything going so fast and slow at the same time? I literally checked my inbox and it referenced posts that I swear I made a while ago but Reddit says yesterday. I can't remember Jack shit, not what I did earlier or yesterday or what I planned to do one minute ago and I forget and things get screwy and I can't remember what I need to do. One task at a time. Days feel like forever but everything is moving so fast. It's like time deciding to get all doctor who and paradoxical.
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self.bipolar
|
I pushed away the only person i loveed.. I loved this person so much.. but at the end of our time together i started taking the moments we spent with eachother for granted.. and as i slowly pushed her away from me.. she did some mean things.. and now that i now i have fully cut the rope to our relationship.. i see nothing else i look foward to later on.. i wake up everyday hating myself and feel extremely sad the entire day.. i have no more motivation and the only passions i had, i get no more joy out of.. i wake up every morning and go to bed everynight thinking about not being there anymore.. feeling sad constantly everyday really sucks the life out of me..
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self.SuicideWatch
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TURN YOUR MESSAGE NOTIFICATIONS OFF IN PUBLIC The strangers in this waiting room do not need to hear a ding every time you get a Facebook message.
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self.offmychest
|
Lamictal vs Lithium I want to know the difference between those two meds in terms of effectiveness as a mood stabilizer. My docs won't give me lithium, is lamictal an equal or good alternative? Currently taking 75mg of Seroquel. Thanks.
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self.bipolar
|
If you see this.. please help me. Before reading this: I was diagnosed with bipolar over a year ago and previously diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression. I havent been on any medications since my freshman year of HS. Im a 3rd year college student.
I have gone through the worst thing I could ever experience within the past 3 years. At the age of 3, my Mom abandoned me and went to jail and my Dad was working and so I was forced to stay with my Aunt until I was 7 and then my Grandmother until 13. At the age of 13, my Dad decided he wanted me to come live with him an hour away from my hometown which lasted 3 years. During this time, he was all emotionally, physically, and mentally abusive.
Examples include: Being called gay, Youre gonna end up like your mother, You’re dumb, You’re a follower, You’ll end up in jail ( I was a kid who never got written up in HS once) and graduated with a 2.94.
As I said... this lasted for 3 years. After my freshman year of HS, he had completely fallen out of love with my Stepmom at the time (divorced). So, he decided to move down to Georgia. I was very much against and before leaving my hometown I was told if I ever wanted to come back I could. (I asked to come back just about everytime I called) Yet my Grandmother and Aunt still insist to this day this was never the case. Not sure if they forgot or if they just feel bad.
Im now a 3rd year college student and things have kinda gotten to the peak. Ill explain. I got here freshmen year and things were really REALLY good for once. I was away from my Dad and made new “friends.” The way I met them was by pure circumstance. Ill call them A1, A2, and A3. I met A1 the first day of school and we helped each other find classes. A3 was my 4th roommate and A2 was met through a common friend. I introduced all 3 and A2 decided he didnt want to be friends anymore. No reason, no explanation just one day we were friends and the next day A1-3 all decided they didnt want to be friends with me and now theyre still friends to this day. So... after this happens you just move on right? So 2nd year I make a few new friends, but this time I had a best friend who I did everything with. I still dont know to this day what actually happened but he was on the verge of suicide himself and I wanted to be the person to just be there. Short story short I ended up letting him borrow $1800 dollars from me that summer. We things got really bad with him we argued all the time
which led me to take a bunch of sleeping pills trying to kill myself. Please realize that over each summer I was forced to go home and stay with my Dad. I went to a psychiatrist alone... my family decided in their heads that my best friend was my gay lover and that I tried to commit suicide only for attention because he left. (Im straight, and one thing he understood even though he hates me was that it was all the things going on. This man messaged my Dad and said the words “I think you need to be ther for ______, hes going through a lot right now. While at school my Dad turned that huge lie. The way I found out was by unlocking his phone while he was in the shower just to find out he lied. I lost about 15 pounds during this time and gained most back and then again made new friends. We had a large and diverse friend group. Always were around each other, but they all actually just disappeared. All different situations but wont go into depth. Period point blank... friends dont leave friends. Im sure you noticed you never heard about school.... completely ruined that for myself after the first year with ending up with a 3.0 after that year. I have a 1.1 GPA. If anyone has any advice its appreciated. I actually dont currently have friends. I couldnt handle what was happening and I lied about school and my Dad cut my phone off and I had to pay $300 out of pocket for a new phone as well as paying my $333 rent. Family knows the truth now btw. Im sorry I wrote a lot. I dont wish this on anyone. Sorry.
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self.depression
|
Pro tip to never forget your meds and/or vitimins Every morning when I get dressed and put on my deodorant I take my vitamins. If I don't smell like oldspice then I know I need to take my vitamins (and wear deodorant haha).
I told a friend about this to help her remember her meds and she she thought I should share it so I hope it helps you all.
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self.Anxiety
|
A girl touched my hair today Background:
Im a 19 year old pretty tall man known for always being smiley and happy. When I was little and upset my mom would play with my hair to calm me down and its always been a way to calm me down. While she doesnt do it anymore all of my ex SOs figure it out at one point and I feel safe when people play with my hair when I genuinely care for them. So when I'm stressed I'll ask my SOs to play with my hair.
Recently ive been single by choice and every now and then I get lonely. But for the most part ive been fine. A particularly tense week of college has me near bursting and as me and a classmate/semi-good friend were relaxing she reached over and started playing with my hair. It brought out a lot of emotions after keeping to myself for so long so when I sat down to write in my journal this is what I wrote.
A girl touched my hair today
Oh shit
Safety in a touch and in that moment I was putty in the hands of a woman im not entirely interested in
But my heart hurt
In that instance I felt my heart starving for intimacy that I hadn't felt in a good minute.
It felt like forever in a minute.
Soft tugs on loops of hair and miles of stress exercised in a follicle
Almost by the molecule
My age betrayed me as her nails touched my scalp. Pain and pleasure, stress and pressure released in flakes from my circular strands.
Bless her hands
Its been so long since someone played with my hair.
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self.offmychest
|
I'm destroying my life My grades are shit, my outlook is shit, I'm shit. I want to change so badly but I'm just fucking trapped. I don't know what to do or where to start. I've started a journal to try and collect my thoughts, so maybe I'd be able to pinpoint exactly where I went wrong and what I can do about it, but even when I try and approach things logically its a giant clusterfuck and I can't really gather anything from it. I'll probably forget about it and lose motivation anyway. I don't want to live like this, and I certainly don't want to die like this. The idea of suicide is weirdly comforting to me, its like an escape..but I don't think I'd be able to go through with it. I still have hope that I'll change things around, that things will get better and I'll be able to pursue the life I want. But if I don't find a way to pull my head out of my ass and change my situation I don't know what my future will be like.
I'm so tired of my self destructive routine. I'm tired of jerking off 3 times a day, mindlessly browsing 4chan/the internet and wasting time. I'm tired of it, and rationally, I hate it, but I can't seem to pull myself out of it. At this point, I'm neglecting life so I can sit back and daydream about living it. I need to run.
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self.depression
|
The depressions hitting again I’m getting depressed again. Or rather, I already am depressed again. I reached out to friends already, and told my psychiatrist so he’s seeing me today.
I’m getting ECT treatments and they’re not really working.
I’m scared that I’m slipping down too low. I feel myself getting there and longing to hurt myself. I told my boyfriend this and he just started asking if I did anything and all that stuff. I haven’t, but that’s really only because I didn’t have anything to do it with.
I’m so tired of doing this, it’s exhausting.
I’m scared to tell my friends more than, “I’m sad” because I’m scared they’ll try to get me into the hospital.
Idk I just feel like people that aren’t bipolar don’t really get it. My boyfriend tries but isn’t quite there. So I’m coming to you guys, I know you guys know the struggle of debating over whether or not the hospital is your best option. I guess the fact that I’m even thinking about it says enough about how I’m doing.
Idk, I don’t want to go, I’m starting a new job on Monday and can’t really afford to go to the hospital now. I know that a job isn’t as important as my health but idk.
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self.bipolar
|
Are the 'bad feelings' about 'the bad feelings' the worst bit? This may be my introspection and ruminating going crazy, but today I was thinking about the way I feel, how I speak to myself about the way I feel and how the bad thoughts I have about my anxiety are worse than just feeling anxious itself.
Examples:
The bad feeling ***"I feel anxious"***
The bad feelings ABOUT the bad feeling:
* You have nothing to be anxious about, stop being ungrateful
- You already went through all this before and STILL haven't got better?
- You don't have time to be feeling like this
- You better figure this out quickly
- You will always feel like this
- It's because you are doing too much
- It's because you are not doing enough
- It's because you are ruminating and dwelling and moping
- It's because you are trying to distract yourself
- You are too old (28) to be feeling like this
- You are a becoming a burden
- You should be better by now
- You should not feel like this
- You are going crazy
Bad feeling: ***"I feel heartbroken"***
Bad feelings about the bad feeling:
* You are too old to be heartbroken
- You are too old to be single
- It's been nearly six months you should be over this
- There is no time left to sort this out, quick, hurry up
- You should not still be feeling like this
- There is something wrong with you for feeling like this
And then on top of that I have all these existential rabbit hole thoughts about why I do the above, why am I like this? Will it get better? What's the right response?
I am wondering if anyone else does this? And maybe I should just let myself sit with the original bad thought, rather than giving myself the gift of a bazillion other bad thoughts to go along with it? Any tips on how to do this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
The current status This has originally been a response of mine to a AskReddit question about how one's life has changed since last year, but I thought that it would maybe fit in here as well.
Graduated high school, achieved my drivers license although I am a bad driver and shouldn't have passed. Had no aspirations for anything, discovered interest for philosophy, was very close to studying that, didn't because I was afraid. Still enrolled into university with American Studies, let's see how that will end. Should actually read texts for university now, been procrastinating for days. Got my first smartphone only a short while ago, it's actually really addicting and distracting. Other than that, depression went from suicidal thoughts into acceptance into ignorance like a circle. The idea of nihilism helped me coping with that. Stopped actually believing in (the Christian) God. Still a minor social anxiety around types of people with overly positive mindsets. Still have to deal with acceptance issues, both regarding my body and my mind/thoughts. Also still wishing life would be easier, like playing all day long like a child with no responsibilities and worries. That would be the bottom line. I just noticed I use "still" very often, I dont't think that's a good sign, oh well.
Thanks for reading and if anyone feels the need to respond, feel free to do so.
Greetings from Germany,
Stefan
Well that was my ramble, if anyone experienced similiar things or is just interested, I would be glad to hear about that and offer my help or thoughts.
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self.offmychest
|
I missed the time frame for putting in my form for a leadership role in NHS I completely missed the time frame to work on and submit the forms for National Honor Society leadership roles. I hate that I am a perfectionist but do absolutely nothing perfect. I never feel good enough because I always fail to get my shit together for anything. Might just completely drop out of nhs, fuck it, right? I’m not a perfectionist, I’m a fucking failure. I think I might be ready to give up
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self.depression
|
Stuck I clench my teeth and tense my body because I'm bracing myself for...something. I keep my mouth shut so that I don't embarrass myself. Thoughts fester inside. I'm so anxious that people won't like me that I don't even give them the chance. I yearn for closeness. When I do feel it, I start to get worried that I’ll mess it up and then I just shut down. “What is wrong with me?” Why can’t I just let myself be? Why can’t I let go? My vices help, but I don’t want to become dependent. I want to be free. Where do I start? I try to force happiness and calmness. It doesn’t work. I need to stop worrying so much. I try to control my environment. It only stresses me out. I can’t control it. I need to accept that and learn to adapt. Where do I start? I tell myself it will be okay, but I don’t know if I believe it. I want to be okay now. How did this start? Did I do this to myself? I need to believe that I’m good enough. I am good enough. Just relax. Calm down. Let things be…but how can I let things be when I want to be better? Doing nothing won’t help…or maybe it will. Maybe I just need to try to let go of it all. Maybe meditation will help? It’s so hard to clear my mind and be in the moment. I get distracted by what I should be doing…should be doing. What does that even mean? I think I need to decide what I want. I have no fucking clue. I’m stressing myself out right now. Where do I start?
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self.offmychest
|
New College... Flipping Out! So I have bipolar but it has not been determined the type for multiple reasons including my unwillingness to cooperate with any extensive type of testing or heavy medication. I also have a pretty delicate physical system and super heavy meds are not an option for physical reasons. I’m a sophomore in college and spent my first college semester at a horrible college that left me both physically and mentally hanging on by a thread. It’s been over a year and I’m finally heading off to a new four year after 2 semesters at my local community college. It’s a great school with top general ranking and in my specific majors. I’ve been up there multiple times and, logically speaking, I’m excited. But I think the last experience is making me freak. I usually have longer states of ~3 weeks as my period switches everything up. I also usually have periods of neutrality. For the past two or three weeks I’ve been reeling up and down and experiencing a lot of mixed periods. I’m terrified because my heart has been racing and I’ve been shaking all day. Is there anything other than waiting it out or heavy meds that I can do?
I know this probably isn’t written well. I’m not really thinking straight.
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self.bipolar
|
I wish someone would save me I would say I want help, but that's not what I want. I want someone to save me. Not a lover, not a friend, not a professional.
That someone doesn't exist.
There is no one to save me.
|
self.depression
|
How do I stop feeling guilty over being depressed? There’s millions of people around the world in so much worse conditions than I. Basically I feel like I don’t have the right to feel as miserable as I do. I have a roof over my head, I’m not hungry or cold, I’m not being sold as a slave, I’m not being sexually or physically assaulted, I’m just a shitty, ungrateful and sad fuck with a broken heart feeling shit over the most vain things... i hate myself
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self.depression
|
I live in a country other than my home country, and I'm fucking tired of it. It's not permanent, and I'm planning to come home as soon as my work contract is up, so things aren't anywhere near a bad state. I'm just so fucking tired of everyone acting like I should be like them and love it here. It was my decision to come here, and in terms of life experience and lessons learned, it is and has been fantastic. But it's my right to learn that this kind of life is not for me and if I hear just one more person tell me to perk up and offer helpful (read: condescending) advice about how I'm thinking the wrong way and to strategize about ways to make things better I'm going to tell them to shut their mouths. There are a lot of people who want to succeed at being natives here, at all costs. And I just don't have the competitive spirit in me to care. Let me come home and be done with this. Thanks for listening.
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self.offmychest
|
I used to have potential and now I’m going nowhere So I just typed a whole book worth about my pathetic life from how I was seen as a smart student with potential in elementary school and middle school to a total fuck up in high school but it honestly wasn’t worth posting and I doubt anybody would’ve read the whole thing through so here’s all I wanna say:
I would give anything to just go back in time and restart high school. I would work so much harder and give all my classes a good effort. I would continue to be the good student everyone expected me to be. I would work hard to go to a good college and find a career I want.
But as of now I’m just a senior who can’t get into any college, has an awful GPA, barely any friends, and don’t know what I want to do with my life.
Also I writing this at 2am and I have the SAT tomorrow (or I guess today technically). I didn’t study for it at all. So I’m gonna wake up in 4 hours and do horribly on the test because I’m a fuck up.
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self.offmychest
|
Feeling inferior and with low mental capacity. I tend to think that despite being a grown-up I feel like a child around others.
I forget too much. My mind processes things too slowly. I can't pay enough attention.
I'm too lazy and I do not understand things good enough or the general knowledge I have is
too low.
I feel this way every single moment of my life.
I think at work I'm pretending to understand things and
I'm also to be better than I really am. I have a deep fear that any moment people could realize
how lazy and unintelligent I am.
In any conversation I hope it ends as soon as possible. I feel discomfort even around people I face daily. If someone tries to joke with me or talk to me I just nod and my mind starts to wonder how to get out of the situation as soon as possible. I can't add anything to the conversations. I can't think of anything witty to say. If I do attempt I have troubles coming up with the right words or I mess up facts, words and meaning.
While I see others bantering and having fun with each other I feel deep jealousy.
I feel jealous when I see how capable and intelligent others are.
Constantly I wish for something like a pill in the movie "Limitless" was to bring me out of this mush and enable to make me see things clearly. I look for shortcuts everywhere and I can't discipline myself to not be lazy.
It's relieving to think that maybe I'm like this due to anxiety or depression and a pill could solve this for me, but that could just be a thought. Maybe I am just unfixable and even if I didn't feel on my toes constantly I would be still be dumb. Maybe I just wouldn't realize I was dumb or lazy then. Or I'd be fine being dumb and realize there were other things in life to be happy about. But I cannot see anything more important than intelligence.
|
self.Anxiety
|
The desire for being with her is slowly fading [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
My brain and Making it work I know what is in that past, and what should stay there. I know what is me and what is my illness. How do I get my brain to believe is? I realise I am using my brain in the 3rd person, I think we can identify with that use though. ?
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self.bipolar
|
Nothing ever happens on Halloween. Maybe I was hallucinating in August, but I think someone here told me something was going to happen on Halloween for me.
Guess we'll find out.
|
self.bipolar
|
Does anyone else have the feeling of being on temporary time? Like, "Things are just weird right now. I'll have everything together soon." It's hard to describe, so I'll just put it in an example.
My hobbies include drawing, writing, and guitar. A while ago, I decided I'd practice one for an hour each day, alternating every day. Not bad, right? A solid, simple plan.
Today, I hardly look at my guitar, and spend a few minutes scribbling on notebook paper before deciding I just don't feel like drawing. I keep telling myself, "It's just a weird time, what with all my pending homework. Once I get caught up, I'll start practicing." or, usually, "Things are just strange right now. Once this time passes, I'll start."
I feel like I'm just stumbling through days, and have no control. I can't keep a plan because I always use the excuse of "Things aren't right. Once [x happens], I'll be ready." Right now, I'm waiting until summer break to start my routine. I know that, once summer comes, I'll just make more excuses.
Does anyone else feel that way? How do you get over the feeling of "It's not my fault, things just aren't right?"
|
self.Anxiety
|
Cognitive Dissonance And why I dislike answering the question "How are you?" I feel afraid and stressed. Cortisol is in my blood. I am like this most of the time. It is my "steady state."
But I'm not afraid of anything. I am sitting in my apartment, playing video games, well fed, in a safe neighborhood, and for all intents and purposes there is no reason for me to be anxious.
But here I am. On r/Anxiety
I'm tired of having to not only manage my anxiety, but also manage other people's reactions to it by telling people I'm doing ok when they ask how am I.
"How are you?"
"I'm scared"
"About what"
"I have anxiety"
"Oh... okay. I'm sorry to hear that"
"Thanks."
Next meeting
"Hi, nice to see you"
"Nice to see you too"
"Everything alright"
"Yeah, thanks"
Next meeting
*Smiles*
"Hi"
"Hello, nice day isn't it?"
"Yeah it is"
Last meeting
*waves*,
*waves back*
Close curtains, rinse and repeat.
The only redemption I have is that my search for comfort and security has led me to a greater understanding of the world and the people in it. All of my life I've tried to hide my anxiety and be normal. I can't do it anymore, it's broken me. Maybe if I offer people the unique gifts I've gained from my suffering, they will be more understanding and interested in my life.
|
self.Anxiety
|
CW Venting about a family situation from 20 years ago. I've never made vented about this before, but I want to tell at the top of my lungs.
Get the fuck over yourself.
You had one bad thing happen briefly in an otherwise loving environment. You then went on to do a far worse things.
Family didn't matter, your relationships didn't matter, all that matters is that you were hyped up to be the victim™.
So you destroyed your relationship with this person, you destroyed the next 15 years of familial and friendly environments.
Did you have the courage to admit it was mutual? No. You lied your ass off and pretended you were the only one hurt.
A year passed, we were all happy again, but that thrill that comes from your histrionic personality disorder faded, you needed more.
You made fun of your mom, talked about how bad she was, your brother, you stole money, you demand your mother gives you money, pays your bills, drives you around.
But God damn, you were both below 13 years old. He touched your butt? You forced your way into his pants against his will, you assaulted him, but you conveniently left that part out.
And when you were both adults you tried killing yourself, I'm sure all of that blame you put on him making him feel like a monster for a minor mistake as a 13 year old boy hurt. Your mother, brother, father, all of your family didn't matter because you weren't getting your way at home. Do you think he wanted to die when you raped him? No no miss victim.
My son is dead, don't kill yourself, but please kindly fuck out of all of our lives and stop abusing your family.
This is not to downplay any victims of these things, I'm very sorry if you endured anything in your life. you are loved, I love you alright?
I loved her too, but dear God she's a hell hound. It all started with her mother, even when she was a toddler she flipped out about every little thing.
These two were best friends, they did everything together, everything. They were always happy, they both just went too far. I didn't know anything happened to him until I found his note.
Thanks for letting me vent.
|
self.offmychest
|
lost control lost friends lost respect what other option is left?
i just dont handle being on my own very well and who the fuck would want to hang out with me if something sexual isnnt offered? really, a genuine question right here, i dont know
yh im a piece of shit that needs constant attention and i fucking live alone lmao
i cant be alone, i cant do it, it induces more hallucinations or at least i notice them more, no flatmates are here, i have no animals rn and all my friends are "busy" im kinda on a ..go hospital or try to get company somehow
I've messed up all the trust and friendships i had lmao time to go maybe?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I have two vent about work and personal drama! Work- this coworker who means well and has a good heart but she puts up a wall and attacks for no apparent reason. Well, my boss even warned me about her and I feel it. When I’m around her lately it’s as if my energy is drained and I feel this negative energy. Can anyone relate? And how do they deal?
Personal- always something in this category. Long story shortish: I have this friend B, we have been friends on and off since I was 5. We have baggage and this year I kind of have had it with her.
It’s been a year and a half since one incident. I have refrained from telling any of the other girls because I don’t want them to change the way they think about her.
Last night one firmed and I were texting about something unrelated and B was brought up. I basically told her that I have distanced myself from B because of XYZ. She said she understands but B has been really nice lately and has been supportive of her pregnancy and has bought the baby tons of stuff...
I don’t know why but I feel weird about that conversation. I even told her that I refrained from telling anyone for so long bc I don’t want anyone to view her differently. I also said that I just needed to vent and that her relationship is different from mine and hers because we have baggage and that we need to talk about it. This friend kept bringing it back to herself.
I don’t know why but it rubbed me the wrong way. Anyone relate or have advice?
|
self.Anxiety
|
anxious about faking anxiety i don’t know about anyone else but whenever I start thought spiraling and feeling bad i get that voice in my head that says “you’re not REALLY anxious” and i always feel like i’m just doing it for attention. simultaneously though I hate myself for thinking about hurting myself because it feels shameful. idk if i actually am faking it but yea curious if anyone else has this feeling or has strategies to make it lessen
|
self.Anxiety
|
Will it ever get better? Everyday for the past 2 weeks I've been experiencing suicidal thoughts (I do have a history of depression). I'm 17 years old, diagnosed with chronic depression, but only recently have I been experiencing these suicidal ideations. I was in the ER a few nights ago for suicidal urges / thoughts, and I'm currently in #5 for a bed in inpatient. Will these suicidal thoughts / urges ever end? I want hope that I'll still be alive next week, next month for that matter. Do all suicidal people attempt suicide, is there anyone out there who has beat suicidal ideation? I need hope, I feel like it will never end. I've been having auditory hallucinations here and there, same for visuals. I'm tired of stressing out and being detached from life. Will it ever get better?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Fuck this..... I feel humbled each time I go in this sub as it comforts me knowing there's more people with fucked up minds too.
Don't know if there's a specific section for this but I just need some advice from others who may relate to my thoughts (this is kinda like a penny for your thoughts situation)
I'm done. Tired of feeling paralyzed in my mind. Tried to cry due to the overwhelming feelings of shame, self loathing, anger and pure fucking unexplainable misery but again I'm not even allowed the privilege to alleviate and try to find resolution.
Not even going to try and kill myself as it is fleeting, each a failure and my life being the biggest. Been to all the therapists and doctors who all gave up on me as my mind is broken beyond repair and all I get now is the "is does get better" bullshit when it does absolutely nothing for me. I'm just so tired of everything now and im getting frequent waves of pure hatred for people in general which makes me just want to be someplace alone. I hate being around people as they all seem to shit rainbows and unicorns which highlights just how fucking miserable and alien I am. I feel so defeated like why do I have to put every ounce of effort to fake a smile and turn up to obligations such as work as society wants "happy and self motivated individuals" which is all a load of shit. I also cant comprehend how and why people are so naturally happy. Like it's almost New Year's Day and I can hear again such loud reminders of how the vast majority of people are normal and happy beyond belief reigning in on the new year when I'm sat alone in my room, had a breakdown wanted to kill myself again with new inventive methods as my previous ones have eluded me like my sanity and contentment towards life.
Again, why can't I just feel basic emotions? Why am I forced as this hollow, pathetic husk of a person and my mind being a shattered vessel lost miles down in a fucking sea somewhere when all "normies" around me are full of shits and giggles being so blissfully ignorant drinking and getting piss lit. Why can't I smile as I feel positive emotions or laugh at something funny or even feel scared I could be chased by a crackhead or a clown or something. Nowadays there's nothing. I don't smile. I don't eat or sleep properly. NOTHING is worth doing all hobbies and shit I liked are a chore or a pass time now I'm just counting down the days and even this year has been this shittest and yet I'm still coming into terms how my attempts have left me alive and why I'm continuing. Why bother living if I'm not happy or content and I'm living in auto pilot. I dissassociate my way through life and I'm hitting 20 in 2 months.
I just need something to help at this point. Restarting my 700th therapy session/s on Friday so hopefully she can sprinkle some fairy dust in my water or some shit cus as far as things go I'm losing the slither of faith I have left.
Thank you for listening. It's 1hr 30mins till New Year's and I hope I fall asleep as I'm not listening to all the fireworks and all this bullshit. Nothing to celebrate for me . If this doesn't make sense apologies as I spent a while typing this but I copy and pasted something so I had to re-type and not as detailed.
And now in even using big ass words and im like the most dumbest illiterate mf ever 🤦🏽♂️
I know I'm in there somewhere buried deep. Just need to find a way to climb back to the top and be in control. So far I feel like I've lost myself majorly and I'm not being my authentic self which is frustrating but I just need help moving away the debris and letting the water through.
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self.depression
|
Have any of used successfully used and gotten off an antidepressant? I’m sure it’s a common concern but I’m struggling with depression and pretty intense anxiety right now and while I’ve read plenty about the effects of SSRIs I’ve hardly heard of people successfully using antidepressants as a sort of crutch while they recover/learn new ways of approaching the world.
I’m very hesitant to start so any feedback would be great.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Depression and loneliness is one hell of a viscous cycle [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Im suicidal because of my disability. Is it true that without a good education your'e basically fucked? Because unskilled work is low paid, and even if youre lucky and it is not that bad paid, its not very secure. More and more unskilled work will be automated. You may ask why not just get a education? That's not that easy for me. Because of my disability (autism) it's very hard for me to learn new things. Yes i have a learning disability too. So what should i do? I dont want to end up in a dead end job. But i fear that's going to happen because i can't get a decent education. Any tipps for me? I had tried several times to kill myself too. Why? Because i have no future, i think. What should i do?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Just writing things down... I don't even know what to write. I just want to be dead. I'm more dead than alive already anyways. I don't feel joy anymore, nothing positive at all. Only the negatives I can feel. I feel anger, regret, self loathing, self pitty, anxiety, despair and whatever else it is that forces me to keep going.
The weird thing is that good things do happen to me. I just can't seem to feel that way. I just don't feel happy and I don't know that I even want to change at this point. I don't know what I want other than for things to end.
I know that I'm hurting the people around me. The things I say, the things I do or don't do. I wish that I could make it all better, make it so that I had never been born.
"Normal" people look at this and say that this is just a pitty party and that I need to move on. Rightfully so I guess. What they don't get is that I know that all too well. I'm well aware that moving on and just tryint to fix things would be the best course of action. That doesn't mean I'm just able to do that. It's not as easy for me as it is for them.
I'm too old to start over and I'm to broken to turn this around. If nothing else I just wish that I could stop causing grief for other people.
Writing this has calmed me down a little. If anyone has read this, don't judge me too harshly. I can be nice too, I swear :')
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self.depression
|
i'm a law student i know that doesn't make me special or that it doesnt rly justify all this stress. but ive always been anxious and this is NOT HELPING.
let me be straight:
it is now 12:30 AM. i have a test tomorrow, in a addition to an assignment i havent begun working on. i've only slept 5 hours the night before, and i've already had 3 cups of coffee.
i hate this.
honestly, this stress is getting to my concentration/performance altogether.
any advice on how to calm down and get work done?
|
self.Anxiety
|
This is the weirdest I've ever felt I've been in a bad funk since about last Sunday. It was the usual, laying in bed with absolutely no energy to even think. Thanksgiving yesterday was great, it was nice to feel something for once and be around family that I like, but I still wasn't 100%. Today though, I still feel empty, but instead of my usual lethargy I'm insanely energetic. Kinda like I'm mentally depressed but physically wired. My boyfriend is currently at work so I can't talk to him right now. It's so weird. I'm used to just laying in my bed and sleeping until I get enough energy to finally get out of bed and brush my hair, but now I'm so jittery and my mind is racing with thoughts and I don't know what to do. I've been dealing with depression for as long as I can remember, so I know what it usually is like. Sometimes I will go through periods where I'm not depressed at all, it actually seems total opposite where I have all of the energy ever and don't sleep at all. Today it seems like it's both. I feel like I'm going insane. Has anyone else ever felt like this?
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self.depression
|
Experiences with Wellbutrin? I know everyone has different experiences, but what are your opinions/ experiences with Wellbutrin? Specifically with lithium..
|
self.bipolar
|
The only time I can be happy is when I’m asleep Can have great dreams. Dreams that are far from reality. Sometimes even of having an SO. And then I wake up and the same routine and life continues.
|
self.depression
|
Brain zaps when angry? a brain zap is when it feels like your brain gets struck by a jolt of electricity, like a vibration feeling going through your head. they are usually brief/quick, and are associated with anxiety or medication withdrawal
i only get them when im angry, never any other time.. hmmmm... i have never been on any medication for my mental health but i do have OCD. but it isn't anxiety that causes them, it's anger
not just a bit of anger, it has to be a decent amount... is this normal?
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self.Anxiety
|
I just want to leave everything behind me (cringe?) [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I just don't care anymore When you cut me out of your life for the last time, it hurt me. And when you came back six months later with no apology or explanation, telling me you missed me, it pissed me off.
I just want you to know how happy I am now. How many wonderful people I've met in your abscence. I lost one friend and gained even more. Better friends, too. Friends who don't blame me for every little thing that goes wrong in their lives, or guilt trip me into feeling bad for being angry when they do something wrong. Friends who don't manipulate me.
I won't feel bad for moving on and living my life without you and I won't apologize for no longer wanting to be in contact with you. What did you expect, that you'd come bursting back into my life and I'd welcome you back with open arms? Did you think that after six months, I wouldn't be as angry? That you could slip past my defenses?
Plain and simply, you just don't fit into my life anymore. It was only through the separation that I could see how toxic you really were as a friend and how exhausting it was to know you. A lot of things changed in those six months, and I was one of them.
No more chances. I've given you too many already.
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self.offmychest
|
Don't know if I have anxiety, but have been feeling pretty shit recently [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm drunk I dont know why I'm posting this but if you barely drink and have discord just go on and head to r/cascon and meet people and play a drinking game which is involved with "cards against humanity" I didn't have such a great time in a while!
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self.depression
|
I ended a 6-year relationship today and it feels... surprisingly good. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Have you ever felt like the universe was too small during an episode ?
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self.bipolar
|
Random acts of kindness. Impossible? "Mom, do you want a drink of water?"
I remember uttering these words at a time that was happy and I remember that there was no reason behind it.
Or maybe there was an ulterior motive that I don't remember. The difference is that now, I would be so hung up on the implications of doing such a simple and nice thing that I wouldn't be able to do it. My mind would go to thoughts of the strained relationship I have with my parents, or whoever I would be getting the water for.
These days I only think of myself, or others in relation to myself.
To change this would only be an action I take to serve myself. I've laid a clever trap for myself so that I can be selfish my whole life, isn't that convenient?
Do I lay these traps, because I like it? Why do I do this? Maybe it's because I want to be alone. I'm not even mean. I'm just not nice.
THIS WAY WILL save evERYbody some pain.
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self.depression
|
Made my life better Throwaway.
I spoke to my parents yesterday - that i cant take the stress to give the exams in seven days. I told them Ill give it the next time in six months. My mom and I met my counselor today. Everything is cool now. This week was the deepest point of depression ive ever been in.
I thought the stress of the exam will make me manic, but it threw me into depression. After i met the counselor, the day became much better. I updated my snapchat for the first time in months, talked to a few of my friends and they're all happy that im doing much better.
My family was initially worried, but theyre the most supportive people ever. Im starting the new preparations after a week's break. Im thinking of going out tomorrow and meeting my best friend after almost 3 moths.
Life is finally starting to become much more better, just hours after i realized im not under the pressure to perform.
Just wanted to share my thoughts. :)
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self.bipolar
|
Is it possible to have so much anxiety/stress it develops into something else Trying to backtrack and figure out how I got r/dpdr
Either weed panic attack or anxiety in thinking
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’m undergoing an extensive screening for ADHD with Anxiety / Depression. Recently my psychologist told me my initial tests imply I MAY not have adhd. Now: I test WAAAAY of the charts for ADHD behavioral symptoms. Is it possible for Anxiety to manifest as textbook ADHD?
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self.Anxiety
|
Extreme anxiety causes tears and panic attacks whenever i attempt to do classwork - Ultimately leading to avoidance [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Is anyone else terrified to drive? I've worked hard to overcome a lot of my fears and the one I can't seem to shake is being afraid in the car. I can drive somewhere that is about 5 minutes from home but anything else and I suddenly can't breathe. Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you get over it? I have enough medical bills that I can't afford to see a therapist right now. A lot of my progress has came from reading "Hope and help for your nerves". I just need to be able to drive like a normal person. Gahh it's frustrating.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Another prescription post. Doc prescribed Zoloft 25mg to treat my anxiety. Day two has come and gone. No manic or hypomanic episodes. Does that mean that I’m not bipolar?! Everything I’ve read, I was in fear expecting that I was going to take off like a rocket! Nothing. I’m like a brain numb zombie! No racing thoughts. Gone. No subvocalizing. I’m thinking maybe I’m not bipolar. Forgive me for how silly this may come across. I’m just thinking maybe there’s some other direction to consider.
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self.bipolar
|
World's Worst Rollercoaster: How do I get off this ride?? I've been living with depression for about 8 years. I currently take generic Zoloft and generic Welbutrin and go to therapy every two weeks. This combination of treatments has been pretty helpful.
I've been describing my depression in terms of "episodes", or "world's worst rollercoaster"- when I get depressed, I go into a slump where I have no energy to do anything; no eating, no personal hygiene, no cleaning my space, can't attend class or go to work. I can sometimes push myself to do these things but it's incredibly draining. I have suicidal ideation, though I would never follow through with anything. It's really really difficult to see the point in living or getting out of bed or anything, and it's a horrible scary feeling. It doesn't matter what I do, I just feel like I'm drowning. It's the downward spiral of the rollercoaster, there is no end in sight, and I'm plummeting into the abyss.
After a few weeks or a month or two of this, the episode will eventually pass, and I go back to what I see as my normal self (my depression self is not me. it's important that I make this distinction in my own mind). It's not like I don't get tired, and I still experience negative emotions, but they aren't so debilitating. It feels so incredibly good to be able to get stuff done, but I also have to clean up after my depressive self and prepare for the next inevitable episode.
My goal with treatment is to allow my real self to come out more often and for longer periods of time, with shorter, shallower depressive episodes (if any at all). I'm not sure if it's possible, or if it is what I need to take or do, but would be so incredible.
Does anyone else have the same experience with depression? What's helped for you?
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self.depression
|
"""which bipolar is worse""" this is something that comes up a loooot. especially being someone with bipolar ii, people invalidate me a lot and say it's not as bad. here's basically what i've come up with: bipolar 1 has a better chance of ruining your life with short bursts (blowing all your savings and moving to france), bipolar 2 has a better chance of making you suicidal over long periods of time (feeling like death incarnate for 6 months). either way, part of what sucks about this illness is the regularity... you KNOW shit is probably gonna go down in the future :(
in either case, they are different beasts, but i really hate when people say bipolar 2 is bipolar lite. in a way, it is the less """crazy""" one, since there's no mania or psychosis, but it is not any less unpleasant. it also makes me wonder sometimes if these are really two different disorders. hmm neuropsych research go!
what are your thoughts?
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self.bipolar
|
One year Hi everyone, I've been a fan of Reddit for a while, but this is my first day as a poster so be gentle. I've been severely depressed as long as I can remember. I can't really pinpoint a time I was ever not depressed. It's steadily worsened over the months, years, decades. I tried a few medications, at best they zombified me, at worst they brought me even lower, but not one helped. I saw a counselor in high school so they wouldn't expel me for fighting, and after two sessions he decided I was a well-adjusted kid. I've been self-medicating and getting by on sheer stubbornness since, but I'm 26 now and I can't keep that up forever. So, here we are. Next year I'll finally have insurance that covers mental healthcare. I'm giving myself until the end of next year with access to treatment to show some improvement, anything, anything at all that might let me hope for a future. If I don't, I will roll over, accept my situation as terminal, find a nice quiet motel room in another state where no one will recognize me, burn my ID, and end it in the quickest, most painless way possible. Last call for Ray. I don't know why I'm bothering to tell you guys this, except that I'm a fucking loser that has to resort to random strangers on the internet to listen to his problems. Either way, thanks for listening. I hope you all have a merry Christmas or whatever else you might celebrate.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Medication thread Hey guys -- I thought I'd start a thread about medications for depression. Perhaps this will help inform others about medication options or serve as a place to talk about personal experiences. /r/bipolar is really great at having a platform for discussions, but since I'm in between diagnoses, I'm interested in hearing from you. It would be nice to get this started!
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self.depression
|
I️m a high functioning depressed human being and I️m losing it I go to work, class, maintain a social life, even hide my depression from those closest to me and i know I️m hiding it and i don’t know why. Today I️ was serving tables and all I could think about the whole time was about killing myself.
I️m beginning to get pissed, at least that’s feeling something but I just have this pissed off feeling that i need to just let it all out and say fuck this and fuck all these people but i just can’t keep up anymore I️m about to lose it
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self.depression
|
To those struggling with depression.. how do you manage? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Everything I’m doing is wrong and I don’t know what to do anymore I don't know exactly what i'm expecting from posting this but here it goes.
Bit of a backstory:
I am 20 years old, and have suffered from depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. The last 2 years have been the hardest years of my life due to the deaths of two close family members (one who committed suicide, and the other passed from cancer 6 months later) as well as seeing the effect it has had on everyone in my family despite their best efforts to cope. I was also unable to cope and started abusing drugs & alcohol (I had experimented with some drugs before but nothing close to what I'm about to list)
Including: Weed (~2-3g/day), MDMA, Painkillers + Drinking, Xanax, Acid, and Valium (once I was prescribed). (Also meth only once)
And this went on until about 4 months ago when I was admitted to a mental health ward in hospital after seeing doctors and a psychologist weekly as well as a psychiatrist occasionally. By this time I had already stopped everything except for weed which started to peek at ~5g/day. I had stopped seeing my friends for months, worked a shitty job apprenticeship that I never wanted to do (which had random drug tests, but I was never tested) just so I could come home every day to smoke to feel OK and just repeat the next day. Once I was out of hospital, I had quit my job, quit smoking weed and hoped to better myself but ended up drinking daily and taking MDMA with friends on the weekends.
Now:
I have stopped taking drugs (4 Months off weed, ~1 Month off MDMA) and slowed up my drinking to weekends only. I am still trying to improve (Exercising, Drawing, Piano, etc) but I still feel no different to anytime before. It feels like nothing is worth it and the concept of living seems so pointless. I am still seeing my psychologist but today she seemed mad at me because I still have not improved, but I don't know what the fuck to do or why I feel like shit, I just want it to stop. She was also looking at the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and nodding at each one of them. I don't know if I'm just overthinking it but I have been researching BPD since and have been reflecting on my life and can see the symptoms in myself. After reflection and reading peoples experiences with others who have BPD, I am just feeling worse and worse. I'm a bigger piece of shit the more I think about it all. This isn't who I wanted to be, I barely know who I am anymore but it's becoming more apparent and I don't like it at all.
Nothing seems to be working and I am running out of ideas, so if there's any advice you can give, please comment or pm me. I'm afraid that I might follow through with the plans I have made very soon.
P.S.: Sorry for any grammar mistakes, it has been hard enough to even just type this all out.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Small Victory Saturday 8.5.17 Whether you climbed out of bed or climbed to a new life apex, you tried at something this week and might've even seen substantial gains somewhere. What do you feel like you accomplished this week, even if the accomplishment was simply trying at all? Let's celebrate our efforts together!
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self.bipolar
|
Can’t stop thinking about my ex My ex and I dated off and on for 4+ years. We haven’t been together for over 5 years and yet I can’t stop thinking about him. We were young and in love. We were going to get married. High school sweethearts. We broke up and tried dating other people but still talked and got together when we were both single. He was dating someone when I met my now husband. I got pregnant after a few months. I was careless and honestly wasn’t opposed to having kids since all I ever wanted to be was a mom. We got married and now have 2 kids. Our relationship isn’t perfect but I wouldn’t say it’s bad either.
What is wrong with me?! I have dreams about him. I start to say his name in my head. I think about him multiple times a day. I drive past his work hoping to get a glimpse of him. I have dreams about telling him how much I love and miss him. I contemplate sending him texts. I look at old pictures. I see memories pop up on Facebook. I look at the promise ring he gave me and imagine how our life was supposed to be.
He worked for my family up until 6 or so months ago so we talked occasionally. During the busy season when I needed to help out we would talk more. Usually just work questions however he did kiss me once a few years ago. I didn’t tell my husband. That was the one and only time things got to that point. We really didn’t talk about our relationship but he would occasionally ask me to leave my husband. I keep replaying that kiss in my head. I get butterflies just thinking about it.
He grew his hair out and I don’t even find him that attractive with long hair. He has a girlfriend. I’m married for fucks sake! I saw him in the bank a few days ago and literally had trouble breathing. I got back to my car and I just cried. I miss him so much my heart aches.
Please make it stop! I don’t want to hurt my husband. I don’t want to tear my family apart. I love my husband but I just cannot shake my ex. Make it stop. Fix me. Take him out of my head.
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self.offmychest
|
I can't face my emotions , it's not possible anymore... I feel like i value nothing anymore , nothing motivates except fear. My emotions are more like a distant memory , faking them is instinctual to me now and I've even started having psychotic thoughts recently that just suddenly pop into my head and i have no idea why. Maybe it's the constant self detachment to numb myself so i can function , which i rely on constantly.. My complete lack of sex drive is another thing which i don't know how to deal with. I just don't really like people anymore as i'm constantly putting up a mirage , i wish i cared about others but i don't how to anymore. Sorry if i'm not very articulate , i'm not great at being introspective.
|
self.depression
|
Lamictal users - ever switch brands? Hi, my pharmacy recently filled my lamitrogene script with a generic that I am not used to getting (blue pill 114 UU). I noticed that I didn't feel well after taking it and the past 24 hours I have been throwing up a lot. What should I do?
|
self.bipolar
|
Just venting.. I know my life isn't perfect but you didn't have to go bashing at me about my life and saying how much you hate me. I get it... Words hurt and I'm gonna get rid of this toxic person, me. I'm going to kill myself..
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Can someone help me with the logistics of jumping off a building? [removed]
|
self.depression
|
Trouble sleeping and staying asleep In times of high anxiety, my ability to get to and stay asleep goes to shit. This in turn makes my anxiety worse. I will lay in bed and feel I can't relax, staying awake for hours and dreading the fast approaching morning...
I would like to be the type who can take a 15 minute nap, but when it takes so long to fall asleep, it doesn't make sense to try. I feel I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat when I'm not actually attempting to do so.
What tools and techniques can I use to help? I'm feeling pretty desperate and would be willing to drop some coin on sleep devices if there are any that actually work.
|
self.Anxiety
|
this oversexualization of male kpop idol should stop. it sometimes gets so annoying and cringey.
this so called die hard fangirls or Stans they say becomes so irritating sometimes. it likes they no longer care about the music but just all about thier bodies and the list of oppas they maintain and wage fan wars.
for a 11yr old just entering into the fandom reading comments like "oppa is daddy asf i wamt his dick" on the idols insta post is not okay.
i get it you are a big fan and stuffs but have some control on what you say publicly online.
|
self.offmychest
|
I SHOULD be happy By any metric I am having a good life. I have a loving family, wife and kids, I'm financially secure, I'm healthy except for a few extra pounds, I'm successful at work, highly educated, active in the community, and volunteer regularly. But I'm fucking miserable. I hide it well. Everyone seems to think I'm happy and well-adjusted, but I'd drop it all and just drive away if it wasn't for my family. What the actual fuck?
|
self.depression
|
I did it! I signed up for the better insurance plan! Last year I was in such a panic over choosing my insurance plan through my employer that I literally went 'eenie meenie minie moe' and it ended up screwing me a bit- $2000 deductible, and my medication appointments/therapy were $120 each, so I dropped therapy until I made my deductible then had too much anxiety to figure stuff out and get started again. Got the nicest insurance plan they offer. I'm going to spend the next year at the dentist, finally getting physical therapy for chronic pain in my shoulder (from a workplace injury my old employer convinced me not to file an incident report on and then told me too bad so sad no workers comp). I'm going to restart therapy, with a new therapist. I'm going to get a new doctor to write my prescriptions who will actually listen to me.
I haven't been this excited over something so mundane in ages. I'm so fucking proud of myself.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I need nothing short of a miracle. I'm in a perpetual state of worsening pain and improving ability to just keep on going regardless. At this point, I don't think my mind can be broken. I'm not sure that's a good thing. My body is already breaking down. I'm only 23 and I'm in constant fear of dying from my body refusing to take any more stress (traditional blacksmithing as a long-term goal, construction type work to afford to pursue it, both are pretty hard on the body) without any semblance of motivation to do so or happiness as a reward. I don't even remember what it's like to be happy.
I don't want to be happy. I **want** to be unhappy. That's all I have, the ability to not need the thing that most people want so much, that they dedicate their entire life to get it. I lose that and all I have is a couple ungrateful, unsupportive, incompetent shits for a family(my parents and my little brother, not a family started by me) of whom I have to work overtime to feed(I don't know if that's proper grammar, English is not my native language) and barely functional body for like 20 more years.
Realistically, I'm gonna' suffer for a while then die of a heart attack. And there's fuck all I can do about it.
|
self.depression
|
Had to drop my college classes, I'm useless Well had to drop my classes. Was going to fail every one of them. Is it because I'm dumb? No I'm really smart and could get straight a's in my sleep if I would just show up every day and do the course work. I can just learn everything in a college by just listening without taking a single note. I am so gifted with an ability to learn, but I just squander it away because I'm a good for nothing crybaby. I can never get my work done by the due date, I don't show up to class a lot, and that just sabotages me. Why do I not do my work? Why do I not show up to class? Because I'm a piece of shit crybaby that just sits at home and cries that he wants to die.The stupidest part about this is I really enjoy learning. I wasn't feeling so depressed or manic when I was doing good in school a couple months ago.
|
self.bipolar
|
Has anyone gone to Homewood Health in Guelph or tried other inpatient cognitive therapy? I have been going through a very painful divorce for the past 2 years. I went through an extreme episode of mania followed by a crippling depression. I'm unable to work or function anywhere near the level I am use to and and am willing to try an invasive 2 month in-house recovery program. Has anyone had any experience with this?
|
self.bipolar
|
For those That Live Alone... One of my relatives is in law enforcement and he often goes into the homes of people who have died or are unconscious and nobody knows who to contact? They often live/lived by themselves.
He suggest leaving a note of Emergency Numbers on your refrigerator as well as a list of the medications you take.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I just realised that the only thing i am looking forward to is going to bed to have a day ended I hate myselve so much for this. Im actually invited for a housewarming party, i was super pumped to go meet people 2 days ago and now im in a depressive state again where i dont want to leave my bed. Why is it that one week im super pumped and another i want to not exist anymore cause everything sucks.
|
self.depression
|
Just getting insurance again wanted some advice on medications. [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Not sure what's wrong with me. I've recently been going to the doctor for problems with sleeping. I have bouts of insomnia, wake up feeling like I've barely slept regardless of if I've had a decent amount of sleep and feel tired through the day. I did all the tests my doctor could possibly think of and I'm perfectly healthy. When we first started my doctor asked if I felt depressed and I dismissed it because I feel the same as always.
Now I'm starting to wonder if it's mental rather than physical. It's been like this for a long time, sometimes better, sometimes worse.
I looked back through a few logs I kept of how I felt when I was so tired I could barely get up to go to work, and I would often write things about feeling disconnected. I haven't thought about it for awhile, but it's still there. It's not strong or oppressive or anything like that, just sort of a general sense of being in a dream, things flow past me and nothing really matters. People stop mattering, I stop caring about stuff I love, that kind of thing.
So I'm starting to think that maybe I am depressed, but I have a habit of self diagnosing and scaring myself. I didn't really think about it before, since I don't feel 'sad'. But it all sounds like, at the very least, there's something mental going on that's making everything messy. Maybe it's just stress? I don't know.
I think I might look into it more, talk to my doctor about it, that sort of thing. Im at the point where I don't really care what it is that's wrong, I'm just sick of feeling this way and at the very least if I know what's going on then maybe i can do something about it.
If anyone read this I could use an opinion (I won't take it as gospel but it'd help), some support or even just tell me where to go if this isn't the right place. I don't mind either way, I think it's good to just vent sometimes to think things through.
Thank you.
|
self.depression
|
I have met THREE other people in the last 8+ months. Reddit conversations has become a desperate substitute. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Frustrated by lack of obtainable progress I'm not apathetic. I can't give up but this causes me a great deal of frustration. Makes me feel stupid.
|
self.depression
|
i had my first blowjob today at 20 We hit it off instantly and then went into the bathroom. She started blowing me but for some reason i couldn't maintain an erection so i couldn't fuck her nor finish..
I am certain this is pure psychological with me, I workout, im not a binge drinker, and quit smoking.
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self.offmychest
|
The darkest hour is just before the dawn is wishful thinking and false hope. The reality for some is that it stays dark and never dawns until you're dead and everything is oblivion anyway, so statement is just disproved. If your problems are severe enough, depression never ceases, and only gets worse and worse.
|
self.depression
|
Just got diagnosed For the past few months, I couldn't get out of bed. Over the past month, I've read seven novels, binged watch almost 20 seasons of tv shows, joined a larp group, purchased about $100 worth of books, finally payed of a $100 library fine so I could read even more books, started volunteering with a cat rescue organization, and gotten a job.
Yesterday I got diagnosed with Bipolar II. Antidepressants never worked, and we're going to try a mood stabilizer, starting with Lamictal at a lower dose. Hope this helps out. The hypomanic periods always just seemed like I was finally doing better, and made the whole thing hard to recognize. But they've also led to obsessive hyperfocusing, poor time management, and putting too much effort into some tasks while ignoring other essential ones, and were very much a part of the pattern that's kept me from being able to finish school.
|
self.bipolar
|
March 1 I'm hanging myself Throwaway. I can't do it any more. I'm always tired. I'm a recovering cam girl and phone sex addicted. I just had my worst relapse. $200 gone. I masturbated till I hurt and ketp going because I deserve it. I try it all it never gets better. March first I'm hanging myself in the woods. The only girl who ever love me broke up with me for no reason. There's more but it's not important. Good bye world. I hope I can lie to my therapist and other doctors until than.
Edit: Thanks guys. I'm going to write down everything I want to say to my therapist and psychiatrist. My DM are open if anyone wants to talk
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Is all therapy/psychiatry utterly useless? Hey, I've been through an assortment of doctors, therapists, and psychiatrists over the last life time, and all of them are beyond incompetent.
Is this just how they are? Is healthcare just a great big joke that no one's laughing at?
Has anyone ever, been prescribed drugs and gotten anything out of them other than a bill and a false sense of security?
I've spent hundreds upon thousands of dollars and hours of my time to go out of my way and deal with these fucks.
But they don't do anything, I haven't slept more than a couple hours in years, and yet they refuse to up my sleeping medication's dose.
I still want to kill myself/ am riddled with major depression and anxiety, they refuse to up my doses by more than 5mg per month; they also refuse to switch to another medication, despite the current ones do nothing.
My mother drank herself to death, they entire time my Father fought for guardianship, but the entire time, her psychiatrist fought us. Stating he didn't see any problem. When she died, and my aunt called him up to tear him a new asshole, he acted surprised. Stating he had no idea such a serious issue was present.
I've looked up as much as I can about the actual effectiveness of any of the drugs i've ever taken, and they're all around 5% . . . So probably considerably worse than a fucking placebo.
Last time I went to the doctor and said "I still want to kill myself" for the fiftieth time, they suddenly threw me in the ER, which just locked me in a psych ward for the night.
Is medical care still so akin to One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest, but just slightly gussied up?
Society just get's rid of the unwanted by offering "care" that involves locking you away for life and demanding you pay for it.
Fuck this world. Everyone keeps telling me to "seek help", to "actually try and get aid" or any other flowery bullshit that really means "lock yourself up malcontent, we don't want you".
Sorry to anyone who actually reads this rambling drivel. I just realized there is no real help in this world. That everything's a scam, and that "doctors" would sooner take your money and lock you up for life than lift a finger to actually help.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Favorite Pharmacies, and why I no longer use CVS I've been using CVS since I was a kid, and they have a lot going for them (good hours, many locations, etc). But they've made some huge mistakes recently. They filled 10mg Saphris/day instead of 20mg/day when my doc was on vacation and could not be reached, this cost me a ton of money and caused a lot of anxiety (I took the same amount so I ran out twice as fast). They've also possibly over billed my insurance for this medication (still figuring this out). Their customer service blows, they used to just not fill shit if they didn't have it and never even offered a partial. They did do partials, but I always had to wait for them to fail to fill it, call them or go back, and demand it. Honestly they are a huge pain in the ass. I am so, so sick of CVS.
I decided to go to Walgreens. No huge reason there, I had a few pharmacies to choose from and I went with that one.
When I went in yesterday afternoon with all my prescriptions I was able to immediately talk to a pharmacist who tried to save me money by recommending a different kind of asthma inhaler. I declined her offer to call my GP because this one doesn't come with a dose counter, but I'm definitely going to keep her suggestion in mind, as I think you can get external dose counters. So that set things off to a goods start!
She called me just now to tell me that some of my prescriptions are not in stock for the 90 day supply, and asked if I wanted a partial, which would be available immediately. She promised me that if I didn't want the partial she could have the whole script filled by 9:30 tomorrow morning, so I told her that I'd see her then. She's been incredibly kind and helpful. I had so many prescriptions too - asthma stuff, bipolar stuff, and GI stuff. The cost of everything should be the same as at CVS due to how my insurance works.
I'm just looking forward to being able to fill prescriptions without constantly worrying that they didn't fill it at all, that they got the dose wrong, that they "didn't see I had a refill," etc. I think my issues with CVS are probably just issues with that branch, not with corporate, but I still can't go back there.
Does anyone else have any good pharmacy stories? Is one chain beter than others for you? Why?
|
self.bipolar
|
Overwhelmed by feelings of uselessness today Sometimes I just wake up feeling completely useless and a burden on my family and friends. I am 41, live in my mother's basement, have a shitty job that often fills me with dread (I'm a bartender and routinely have to cut people off, break up fights and deal with situations that I feel ill equipped to deal with). I spend about 90% of my time away from work alone, and honestly don't know how to reach out to people. I also have a massive gambling habit that routinely sees me engaging in activities that I am not proud of. My self worth is less than zero. I have no ambition, no desire, no passion. Everyday is shrouded in a fog of gloom. I literally feel like I am just waiting for death to catch up to me. I have all but abandoned any notion of romantic or even platonic relationships at this point, my libido is non existent. Honestly it's all I can do to leave the house. Every morning I wake up with a huge weight on my chest, a knowledge of missed opportunities and wasted potential. Sometimes that weight is suffocating and I will have panic attacks. My anxiety levels are off the charts. I deal with this everyday and yet lack any motivation to try and heal myself. I do not have the foggiest idea of how to extricate myself from this quagmire of negative thoughts and limiting behaviour. I'm drowning.
|
self.depression
|
I hate rich people Im a 28 year old woman. My entire adult life I have been working my ass off trying to pay my college loan, struggle to pay for rent, withhold from entertainment and luxuries and still live paycheck to paycheck. Im not trying to sound like a spoiled brat, I realize how lucky I am to have shelter and not be on the streets or a third world country. But holy shit, rich people especially rich kids really get on my nerves. For example, my landlord used to be an older guy who owned a street full of apartment buildings, he now lets his younger son who looks like he's in his early 20s, manage the rental unit I live in. He drives up to my apartment in a Lamborghini wearing $800 glasses and from the looks of it, very expensive clothes. What bothers me is, he has the audacity to flaunt wealth in front of people who are suffering financially and goes home and doesn't lose an ounce of sleep knowing people like me exist.
My other encounter was with a rich older man that my friend was dating, this person was showing me and a group of friends pictures of his new multi million dollar home he just bought and was expecting us to congratulate him. Why the fuck would I be happy for someone who couldn't care less about my financial situation?
___________
TLDR: I hate rich people. They seem so cold and uncaring. They don't care about anyone who isn't rich and they will look down upon you if you happen to be poor.
|
self.offmychest
|
feel like trying is pointless Well I'm about to turn 18 soon i dropped out of high school (11th grade) because of depression/bad grades and I'm just plain unmotivated. I want so hard to have a decent future and to look forward to it but I can't. I only had one friend who I smoked pot with but he was quite depressing and just an overall bad friend. I rarely leave my house unless it's to go to the store or something. Ever since I was about 12 I've just not been very happy. I'm so grateful to have a home, food, internet,clothes etc but I've never really felt like I'm gonna be ok. I've always had a hard time with sleeping and eating as well. I can't sleep unless I stay up until point of exhaustion (sometimes up to 35+ hours straight) I have To force myself to eat and nothing really tastes good. I've also lost most the happiness I got from video games and music and I'm almost always bored or just loathing how slow time goes. I don't really know what's wrong with me it's just really hard to enjoy anything and everything to me feels either annoying or pointless. I hate feeling like this. I wish I could make a change and somehow find happiness but I'm just trying to kill time instead of enjoying it.
No specific question just wanted to write this out.
Happy thanksgiving everyone
|
self.depression
|
This rant is for me, not directly for you but you can listen if you want [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
33 years old and must live at home. I have made many bad decisions and my financial situation has me living at my mothers house. It’s the last place I want to be. It’s difficult to save any money. I am about to have enough paid off to move out again but have school debt that I’ve put off because I simply can’t afford it. I was so dumb and naive to think school was a good idea. I tried so hard to finish but money ran out just short of graduating. Once I have to start paying back tuition I’ll never be able to move out. I’ll be stuck at home because I have to pay back student loans for a degree I never got and can never get. I have looked into getting it forgiven because the school was caught by the FTC and forced to pay tuition back for false recruiting tactics. They lied about their ability to get grads a job afterwards, which I bought into.
Yeah I’ve made dumb financial choices but have worked so hard to make up for them. I’m almost out of the woods and the loans fall on me. My father has Parkinson’s and my mother is finding it harder and harder to keep working. My father, my hero, is falling apart in front of my eyes and can do nothing to help.
I have thought about setting up a Gofundme but hesitate to do so. I feel people will see it and do nothing but judge me for living at home. I fear all I’d find is ridicule.
The love of my life left me a year and few months ago. Sure I did some things to deserve it but not wholly.
All I want to do is die. My parents could pay off their house and pay for in home care for my father if I did die. I feel like a failure and need nothing short of a miracle to feel good about myself.
I don’t need to be successful to be happy. All I’ve ever wanted is a small family, wife, and my own home. That’s it. Something to call my own and my brain refuses to allow it to happen.
I want to die and have nobody to talk to about it. My friends are gone because I’m a recovering addict and to stay clean I have to stay away from them. At least I’m sober. 10 years.
It’s tough to make friends because who wants to hang out with the old man that’s lives at home? I feel like I’m wasting away and have no relief in sight. Unless I take my own life. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m writing on here to vent and hopefully the right person says the right thing and I can get things to change. Thanks.
|
self.depression
|
I don't miss relationships much, but I do miss this one moment in particular being able to hug someone tight and make her tears go away, being able to hold someone together while she was falling apart... that was really nice. It felt good.
There's usually this little moment where you've been hugging for a few seconds. She lets out this quiet little breath - it's like a little sigh, where you can feel her whole body relax. Her hug means more after that. She might wrap her arms just a little tighter around you, or let her head come to rest on your chest. You can feel her melt into your arms with that sigh.
That moment. Is a beautiful fucking moment. I miss that moment.
|
self.offmychest
|
My friend started dating a much older guy and it made me so uncomfortable that I want to cut her off [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I now have an actual plan. next step, do it. i have enough pills saved up from missing doses that i can easily give myself serotonin syndrome, i have scalpels due to my college course so i can slit my wrists and then walk into the road.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I had an OCD therapist tell me I'm probably not trans I feel better but I'm afraid they're wrong.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I always feel like I'm waiting for something bad I realized that i'm always on a heightened sense of distress, as if something bad is happening or about to happen. I never really realized it until I did some introspection.
The anxiety and discomfort is just looming there, I almost forgot it was there, but I don't know what it is. I've been trying to figure out what it is
My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer a year ago, but he has been responding very well to experimental treatments and, although I have slivers of worry, I don't think it's the sole reason for how anxious I feel. I've felt this way even before his diagnosis. Every counselor I have spoken to insists that I have unconscious worrying for my dad's condition, but I feel like that doesn't explain why I feel this way.
I sometimes think maybe it's the fear that my loved ones will one day pass away? My dog passing away? My grandparents? Sometimes I think maybe I'm worrying about getting closer to death myself, and I'm scared I waste my life worrying about small things.
All of these are potential reasons, but I can't really figure out what specific one is causing this feeling. I just feel like there is a looming anxiety, and time is ticking to some terrible event.
My only solace seems to be having anxiety about something else short-term. Example: waiting for a test score to come out, our waiting for the result of a job interview.
However, once that last test score is out or I know the results of an interview, I am still anxious about that ambiguous thing.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anxiety/ guilt storm over the imminent death of a childhood pet [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
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