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Lacking will to do anything So I've thought about suicide a lot in the past, I was a pretty awkward guy, hated myself, never left the house, played world of warcraft for 8 years, etc.. but I got out of that, away from those thoughts and habits, that place of mind. I have a wife, a kid, probably have a second kid soon, good job, house etc, but for some reason the thoughts are just creeping back up again. I recently started smoking weed again, which probably isn't helping. Things have also been rough with the old lady, she is really good at saying very hurtful, damaging things, and has been throwing those at me a lot lately. I'm the kind of person who usually won't say anything back, because then she'll cry and get even more mad..
At the same time, I've been having an existential crisis, wondering why were all even here, what the point is. Essentially, I feel like there is no point. I know I should be providing for my family, but I just don't really care... I know I have bills and car payments, but it's the same. I'm just tired of being alive and don't want to deal with child support payments or a messy break up.. I have a couple guns, I know it would be easy to just pull the trigger, and the thought has been weighing on me for awhile.
I don't know who to talk to about it, I don't believe in therapy or anything like that, my dad died in February, or I'd talk to him. I just feel tired of being the strong person, my wife complains about the smallest things, when she knows I'm in a pretty good amount of pain, as I have pretty bad knees and I'm on my feet all day. It's hard to be sympathetic. She is 7 years younger than me, I know that adds to it, I feel like a baby sitter sometimes... I have no time to myself, I don't have any hobbies that don't involve her, she really doesn't like me doing anything on my own... etc.
Well this turned out to be a lot longer than I planned, guess I needed to rant....
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anybody else go Weepy Wonder with impending holidays? I'm super stressed right now, trying to coordinate the meal. I like cooking huge meals, but preparing to cook them destroys me. Add to that, my sister will be coming by and my husband cannot stand her. Idk why, something about she's too snobby or something. Whatever it is, we have a mega blowout every year because he's incapable of pulling up his big boy pants and dealing with it. It'll be all of an hour.
Sometimes, he does surprise me and doesn't make a big to do about it. I'm going to text him and tell him I'm a freaking thread away from a total meltdown and maybe that'll be his kick to make the sacrifice for me once this year. We'll see.
I'm just on the verge of a breakdown and it doesn't help that in a ten minute drive to take my kid to her job this morning I almost got t-boned then actually got ran off the road by a neighbor who somehow did not see my truck behind her driveway when she was pulling out. Now I have to go to work and deal with my idiot coworkers who like to complain at me all day. I can't say that, I genuinely like one of them so I'll look forward to seeing her. Lol
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self.bipolar
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I think I’m at a loss I’ve struggled with bipolar/depression/anxiety my whole life. The past 2 years have been incredibly rough for me. I finally kind of got it together for once. I was going to go back to school next Tuesday, I had a job, a good boyfriend. I have to withdraw from classes now because my mom refuses to co-sign a loan, and her husband refuses to report on FAFSA so I can’t get a loan by myself either. My mom has over $200,000 in the bank, she said no when I asked if I could pay her back. The woman who would have co-signed a loan was my boss, who called me Monday morning screaming because her child’s seatbelt was broken. It broke last Wednesday at school, I forgot to tell her before I left that night, I wasn’t babysitting him though and it was snowing so I left before she got home. I got fired. I’ve worked for her for over 2 years. She won’t even speak to me. She was who I considered my mom, so she’s gone too. She also decided she’s not paying me for the last 2 weeks. I have literally no other options. I have JUST enough money to pay my car tomorrow. I feel like maybe it’s just a sign that I’ve done all I can at this point. My mom and her husband both don’t care. I have no other family. I don’t know. I want to die, I’m just such a fucking pussy. I think about how all the time. I don’t even know what to say, I’m just tired of thinking into a void.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I want to be pretty so bad I realize it’s unhealthy, but I’m obsessive over my appearance and becoming attractive. I scrutinize myself for hours at a time trying to look for potential. I don’t think I’m repulsive, but I don’t know if I’m unattractively plain, just mediocre looking, or if I can be considered good looking with some improvement. The possibility of the former two being true depresses me. Currently I don’t exist on the same level as my friends, people avoid eye contact with me and overlook me, and I’m consumed with self hate and dissatisfaction. No guys have ever shown interest in me, and I've never been involved with anyone. The few times I've approached guys I've never received a yes. It's always an uncomfortable no. Which is humiliating, to know that an advance by me makes guys uncomfortable. I’ve come to crave validation from the opposite sex and feel worthless without it. So basically I feel worthless all the time. I don’t know why attractiveness is such a desired quality for me, but I know that as I am I feel lower class and I barely feel like a person. I just want to like myself and be liked. The only future I envision and value is one where I finally become pretty. I break down crying thinking about the possibility of a future where that doesn’t happen. It depresses me to think some of my goals might be out of reach. I don’t see myself attempting suicide in that case, but my existence would be so unbearably miserable.
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self.offmychest
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I dont really want to type. I just hate myself, my life and would like to die. I'm over it all.
I just really am.
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self.SuicideWatch
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We're all mad here Stigma around mental health is so bad. I just answered my own question, at least in part. I was just thinking "why would anyone flat deny or second guess their diagnosis, or stop taking meds?" We're told EVERY DAY don't stop these abruptly, but I know in some cases cost can be the deciding factor, and some people want to believe they're "cured" and can stop the meds. These are maintenance meds. They have to be taken in order to do their job.
But back to my original question of why the denial or the second guessing? No one wants these labels because of the stigma. I get that. But knowing what the problem is, so you can be conscious of symptoms/behaviors is so valuable. Since my diagnosis of BP2 I've gone from overdrawing my account and carrying a revolving payday loan every other week to starting to save money for a rainy day fund, paying down debt, and no overdrafts. I'm managing the depression better too for the most part, knowing it might be coming. I'm not perfect, I still forget my midday med occasionally. But having a name for my demons gives me an action plan and lets me look for support (like here!!!). Why would you deny and deprive yourself of vital coping mechanisms when you're so close to self destruction?
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self.bipolar
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I have some canniboid extract. I would like to try it for nervousness. Anyone have experience with this?
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self.bipolar
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Please help. I feel like cutting myself everytime I feel worthless. And i feel worthless very often
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self.depression
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I’m not happy My fiancé cheated on me and left me about three weeks ago after I put all my money and years into us. I love my family and tried to get the best gifts I could for them. It was hard as I am still struggling with this sudden breakup and I dropped all my disposable income into a Christmas vacation for her. My step mother takes control of the gift buying on behalf of my dad. I got a toothbrush and a mug. My sister got a large stash of wonderful and thoughtful gifts.
It’s not about me getting material items. It’s about the clear message that’s sent every year. I was hoping that because I was going through a tough time they would step up, but it never came. This comes just a few months after
My birthday where I didn’t even get a message to say happy birthday.
I’ve tried so hard with them for so long. And I can’t try any more. My family doesn’t care about me and today I finally accept it.
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self.offmychest
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Feeling trapped I have gained a bunch of weight and developed depression from starting college, and now my vision has suddenly become really blurry (pretty sure it’s nearsightedness). I feel so trapped in my own skin and like I’m losing myself...
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self.offmychest
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It runs in the family Hi, well, I [19F] was diagnosed as bipolar type II a little more than a year ago. I had had my struggles with depression, eating disorders, anxiety and self-harm since I was 13 years old and was treated for such, but never had any sort of manic episodes until last year. It's a big blur a lot of it but I ended up in a psychiatric hospital for a week where I was properly diagnosed. Sometimes it's really hard to come to terms with some of the things I did when I was sick, still moving forward.
Luckily for me it wasn't hard to adjust to new medications, and I honestly feel so much better that I'm scared of going back. I live in a third world country, so we don't get the best medications. I take lithium and seroquel, but have to do regular blood and urine tests and it recently started affecting my thyroids. I do struggle with my drinking (drinking age laws here are not strict at all), I don't get as drunk as before but still, I shouldn't be drinking. Used to go to psychologist once a week, and my psychiatrist once a month. I go to the psychologist every two months or less, and psychiatrist after the blood and urine tests.
As in how it runs in the family. My grandfather from my dad's side is bipolar type I, and her eldest daughter (my aunt) is also bipolar type I, they both struggle a lot of with treatment and medication, my aunt more than my stubborn grandfather surprisingly enough. Recently, my cousin, the daughter of the previously mentioned aunt, was studying abroad and starting having breakdowns and she entered a manic episode and had to be checked in. She's back home now and looks better, I hope that she sticks to treatment more strictly than her mother. I'm just scared because she was always seen bipolar people as "crazy" due to growing up with some of her mother's full-blown scary manic episodes and she's always been a very anxious person in general.
Also, I'm in a healthy relationship (as healthy as I can keep it), with a very loving and patient guy. We've been together for 10 months now, and although I have caused some problems that stem from my illness, we're still going strong. It's very hard sometimes for your partner or people in general to understand the situation one is in, and thus you always have to explain yourself.
I hope I can return to this subreddit when I need advice and that I as well can help others!
Happy holidays
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self.bipolar
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Having no friends sucks so much I have no more friends, I changed school. I want friends but I don’t want to be near anyone and it’s making me insane.
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self.depression
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Should I See a Doctor? For the past 3 or 4 years now I’ve had some issues with anxiety and I haven’t been sure about whether or not I should talk to a doctor. I call myself having anxiety attacks and it’s usually triggered by the idea of social interaction with my family, mostly my mom, and sometimes my SO when we argue.
I’ve always been like this though. I have periods where I eat little to nothing, my stomach hurts really bad, I have the strongest urge to just get out the house and go for a walk to just get away. I think I’ve had to encounters where I felt like I couldn’t breathe, but most of the time when the anxiety sets in I just have the biggest sense of panic and sometimes it’s paralyzing, and it keeps me from continuing my day.
I really don’t like the idea of talking to a doctor and them telling me I’m normal because then I’m going to be seen as dramatic, it’s not really something I’ve been comfortable with opening up to my family about.
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self.Anxiety
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Uggh- creepy stepdad story. Need some advice, a chat some words- anything. Before I go crazy. Ok so here it goes... my mom and my stepdad have been married over 20 years... he was my main father figure. My real dad was very abusive and left when we were young. This guy has been my “dad.”
First of all he is a complete psycho. Very verbally abusive with the temper of a mad man... he is very controlling as well. He would get mad about something as little as not putting back the lotion in the bathroom or for using 2 towels in a day and would scream to no end about it within an inch of our face. Never allowing me to have boyfriends and chase them away.. he would even control what we ate- I always remember being starving. 😒
As I started to get older I would notice he would always stare at me and make comments stuff that just rubbed me wrong or made me feel awkward.. also started noticing cloths and underwear and bras going missing but didn’t think much of it. I remember when I turned 18 he mentioned me having a nice body and commenting on my breast size and if I’ve ever thought about working at a strip club and being a stripper and that I could and should. Just really creepy, weird stuff. My mom was a very absent mother and lacked much of any nurturing or loving support throughout or lives.
I moved out and I got pregnant at about 22. Fast forward a few years later- I’m about 25 at the time and my kid is a few years old. I desperately needed to move back “home” with my son... So we did.
I had a full time job and they helped watch my son. Still very volatile relationships with them... He tried to pull the same verbally abusive crap with my son as he did with me... difference was I didn’t stand for it. I wouldn’t allow him to treat my son that way and would physically step in between any thing he would even try to pull with him.
One day I was off to work, got half way there and had to turn around. I went into the house and into my room and there was my stepdad in my room in my underwear drawer with my thongs in his hands.
I flipped out. I told my mom. He called me a liar. I moved out shortly after that.
They are a decent part of my sons life and for the most part (he still controlling and a temper at times) but pretty fine as far as the eyes can see (with him anyway). But still.. idk. I didn’t think much of it for some reason after I moved... didn’t like him one bit still but living my life I guess and struggling with my own stuff to think about it... up until the last year. I started getting really paranoid with the way he acts with my son... nothing blatantly obvious or bad but the same creepy feelings started to come up... except now towards him and my son. I started getting worried about him possibly being a pedophilia? The cloths and undies missing when I was young. The comments he would make.... what if I wasn’t such a hard headed take no crap female and handled myself differently.... how would he have possibly been or what would he have maybe done differently?
My question- Why would a “father figure” steal a girls panties who he basically raised? Is that something pedos do? Or he’s just attracted to me. I’m seriously loosing my mind about this... I would hate to take my son away from his grandparents over my deep hatred towards him- my mom loves my son dearly.. but I also don’t want to be naive about this. Thinking maybe some outside views or opinions would help... Ive been trapped in this screwed up family my whole life- maybe it’s worse than it is? Maybe it’s not as bad as it seems.
Just trying to gain some inside on what kind of “man” would do that.
Thank you so much for reading.
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self.offmychest
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Switching from effexor to lexapro - dosage question I have been on Venlaflaxine (generic Effexor) for about 9 months now. It has been an absolute lifesaver! My quality of life has improved 10 fold from where I started with my anxiety issues 30 years ago. It looks like I'll be having to go from 150 to 225 because some of the old problems are starting to make a slight comeback.
For the sake of context, the main problems I am having with Effexor are excessive sweating, constipation, extreme tiredness, and a general lack of sex drive. The wife, by the way, is VERY understanding of this - she'd rather see me feel better than get laid. Good for her!
Now the trouble I am having is the recommended dosage of Lexapro. My head doctor is starting me out on 10mg of Lexapro. That seems a bit low considering I was just about to make the transition from 150 to 225 of the Effexor. Does anyone have any experience with switching from these 2 different types of meds?
Lastly, in case anyone is interested, so far the weaning has been going extremely well. I am dropping the dosage of Effexor by 75mg every 4 days. No problems so far. However, just as with most med patients, I always have the little voice in the back of my head saying "wait for it...... wait for it....."
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self.Anxiety
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I don't even know what 'better' or 'normal' is anymore I've completely lost my sense of direction and purpose in life. I have no idea what I'm working towards. I have just wasted an entire year of my life, having pulled out of my first semester of uni, and then failed the two units I took in semester two.
My friends and family have tried to be supportive of me, telling me not to worry too much about uni, and just to focus on 'getting better' and 'getting back to normal'. But I don't even know what that is anymore. What does 'better' or 'normal' look like? I've become so used to being in this state the past year I'm not really sure how *not* to be this way. The only other 'normal' I know is how I was before I was diagnosed, but that is what lead me to becoming depressed in the first place.
I just don't know what to do anymore. Anytime I start to think I might be getting better, my doctors and family tell me that I'm not, and need to try harder, as if I'm not already. So what is it they want me to do? What is it they want me to become? All of this has started to make me feel as if I can no longer separate my depression and anxiety from who I am, even though they tell me otherwise.
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self.depression
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Despite making improvements my mood/mental state seems more fragile and inconsistent? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
i concentrate on all my symptoms way too hard hey guys! so i (female, 18) have had severe emetophobia (fear of vomiting) from anxiety for 10+ years now. i had it under control for a really long time but my anxiety is getting a lot worse now, causing me to miss class and other things (i’m a freshman in college). lately i’ve been experiencing a lot of depersonalization/derealization during my panic attacks, and in general feeling like the world is a step away. i am constantly scared of going crazy because in the throes of an attack i’ll think about things like how weird it is to be a person (like, “how does my body know how to make me talk when i tell it to” or idk if i concentrate on it, it’s weird to think that “i” am basically just a brain piloting a body) and obviously that just makes me feel totally insane.
i also don’t sleep much/well due to a combination of classes and anxiety, so during the day i’m often falling asleep. i have the experience many people have when going to sleep where your thoughts are all over the place, except it happens when i’m not trying to fall asleep (more like actively trying to resist it), so it scares me to have random thoughts pop into my head, especially because i usually have a very ordered thought process. (these aren’t intrusive/violent, just random) i’m scared that it’s going to escalate into hallucinations or a psychotic episode or something. i’m always checking myself to see how i’m feeling, if i’m perceiving sensations in what checks out to me as a “normal” way.
has anyone else had these fears or feelings? it’s honestly very hard to deal with because i can’t get away from it - it’s my body. i just started seeing a therapist finally, after a long time without, but i won’t see her again until saturday. if you have similar experiences i’d love to hear it/your advice :-)
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm really scared. Tomorrow is the day I'm supposed to return to med school after 3 or 4 years of doing nothing, but trying to get myself together. It's been a hard time, but I need to move on, right?
The scary thing is, this is not the first time I try to return. I tried last year, and I broke in front of the hospital where I was supposed to be studying. The same happened the year before, and other two or three times. I have a history with failure, and I'm very scared.
I'm scared because I can feel it coming. It's like a demon that's whispering in my ear, saying that I'm too stupid, or too weak, or too lazy for this. I can see it in my head, breaking me and not letting me move on.
I don't know. My heart is pounding, and I'm just paralyzed.
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self.depression
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Still self conscious no matter how drunk i am Title says it all, no matter how drunk i get, I'm always hyper conscious of myself and how people are viewing me.
I sometimes wonder how people are so confident in clubs, when i ask them, they just say alcohol, for some reason i just cant let go like that, I physically cant get that drunk, Ill either throw up or go unconscious before i get to the point where I'm not self conscious - is this normal? What should i do? I sometimes just want to get drunk like the rest of my friends and have a good time, almost feels like alcohol doesn't really work on me, for that reason i never dance in clubs or anything and end up standing their awkward every time, normally leaving because I'm so self conscious of how everyone is viewing me, which means most the time i just choose to not go out at all to avoid that.
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self.Anxiety
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I Wish I Were The Person My Family Sees They would be better off if I died, just like I would be. I don't deserve them. The person I was or could have been is long gone.
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self.depression
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I feel like my life will lead to nowhere. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Man, I really thought I was getting better.. For the past 6 months, I've been contemplating suicide. I've done my research, looked thtough my options and writing everything down in a little diary. It made me feel "better" for a bit, that comforting feeling that takes over you when you know you won't be suffering for long. I was betrayed by friends, ignored by family when I tried asking for help without telling them I was suicidal, I started drinking every day, failing classes/skipping classes...
The worst of all of it is not the pain, is not the hangover you get from drinking the day before, is not waking up and wishing you could go back to sleep because you felt a little happier dreaming, is not your mother screaming at you that you need to go to classes despite you told her you were so tired all the time and felt depressed and she told you that was not an excuse, it's not having a hard time sleeping because you always end up crying into the early hours in the morning, is not your friends not including you in conversations or inviting you to plans because "well we thought you weren't going to come anyways"..it's that they all seem to not care
Not care about why are you so sad, why are you so quiet, why haven't you been eating, why do you smell like alcohol, why are you so down...and I just don't understand why..I've always tried to be a good friend, ask is something is wrong, maybe buy a little chocolate or something when I see someone down and I know I can't do something to help, at least that will brighten up their day a little, I've always tried to go out of my way to help people, because sometimes, even if they don't say thank you, they appreciate it, I've been there..But right now, when I need it, there's no one there, no friends, no family, no nothing
Is it that I've become so good at pretending I'm ok that they don't believe I'm depressed? do they just really don't care what happens to me? why? am I a bad person? maybe there's nothing in me that they can care about, I understand, you can't exactly get attached to something so quiet, maybe for the best
Yesterday I went out and brought some clothes to myself for the first time in 4 years, I felt so happy, I've been through so much lately and this was a little treat to myself. I went to talk to the only person that I talk with nowadays to tell him about my day and show him my new clothes and for some reason he was mad, maybe not at me, but he just..brushed it off...I cried, I was so excited to tell him about it. I went from drinking everyday to 2-3 times a week, I'm picking up a bottle tomorrow
I try so hard to convince myself that I shouldn't do it, but everyday, something just takes another piece of me, everyday it's a fight to find a reason to believe someone cares about me, I don't know how long I can last like this..sorry for rambling
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel like this is where it ends I've been severely abused as a child and have been through alot of failures (some of my own responsibility, quitting jobs etc). I have been sensitive and empathetic as a child while the people around me didn't give much shit about anything. I feel like they are strong and I am weak and don't deserve to live in this planet. I feel weak and dumb for caring about people and feeling guilt or wanting peace and friendship, like I'm a lamb among wolves so it's only right that I get eaten right? Either way I don't want this anymore, I wish I could be like the people that bullied me (strong, confident, uncaring, bold, not burdened by weaknesses like guilt) I'll spare the spieces of a weak chain and I think all the people who have empathy and morals should too.
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self.depression
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I don't know whether to be an artist or to get a 'real' job. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I hate it when people say "find comfort in your loneliness" Whether it's on here or Twitter or wherever else. It's bullshit. They'll say "find comfort in your loneliness. Enjoy going to the mall alone. Enjoy eating alone. Enjoy going to the movies alone" etc etc etc. Whenever someone says that it feels like it's catered to people who are used to doing everything with their group of friends, and you're friends are unavailable for the weekend, and you're afraid to go shopping by yourself.
It doesn't help with the people who have no friends and they're consistently alone. I was okay with doing that stuff alone for a while, but whenever I'm out by myself and I see people with their friends, I'm overwhelmed with jealousy.
I wish I knew how to make friends, not be socially awkward, boring, disconnected.
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self.depression
|
"loosing words" Does anyone just loose words? I mean I know everyone forgets words from time to time, but I feel like I have this problem a lot more than the regulars walking around. Often times it will be a word I just said or read or something really common so it's not like I'm just forgetting words I don't know very well, I'm talking about not being able to come up with the word for "red" kind of stuff.
Does anyone have some strategies to work on this?
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self.bipolar
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Manic trust I can never understand why I put myself out there so much while manic. Trusting is so easy and I don't even hold people accountable
This needs to change.
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self.bipolar
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Feeling empty, hurt and excluded. Why are we like we are? I'm 33M diagnosed with anxiety, depression and possibly BPD type II and it seems like I've lived my entire life for other people. My mom always pushed me to "achieve" in school (get good grades). My entire life growing up was studying and playing video games. Avoiding any human contacts when possible.
My parents separated when I was 3 and I learned not to trust what people said after being burned several times figuratively at first and then literally as a way to punish myself. I don't have any respect for authority. I am too cynical. 99% of the things we hear about or we read about are lies manufactured by someone to fulfill their self interests.
I have "succeeded" in life. Great paying job, kids, wife. But it's all bullshit, I don't feel any different. As a kid, I used to be confident in the future and tell myself that I could always end myself if need be. Now I have kids and I can't rob them of their father. I'm stuck.
I tried talking to therapists on several occasions but I just can't say the truth of what I think. After a few sessions, I fallback to saying lies to make the therapist feel better about themselves.
I tried 7 different kinds of anti-depressant. Nothing really seems to work.
I think I was raped/abused on 2 separate occasions when I was a kid.
Is it even possible to go back to normal?
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self.depression
|
I’d love to get to know you! Everyday on the bus, you sit in the row horizontal to me. Neither of us sit next to anyone else, so I have a pretty good view of you.
You mirror everything about me!
You wear the same green jacket as me.
You wear black skinny jeans, just like me.
You wear the exact same Vans as me, with the same white socks.
We both wear the same white headphones.
But that’s just me looking at you.
You share the same tired look as me, the one which shows you’re tired, yet clearly want something.
You look out the window the same way as me - longing for something, thinking of something or someone, but it seeming so distant.
You give me the same quick glance as I give you, we go eye to eye at least once every bus trip, and although I don’t think you look at me the same way I look at you, you still remind me of me when I would catch someone looking at me. I try to smile every time, but it never lasts that long.
I don’t know if you’re single.
I don’t know if you’re lonely, I mean, you never sit next to anyone..
What I want to say is
Id love to get to know you. I really really would.
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self.offmychest
|
severe anxiety when talking to people i don't know or when i'm around people i don't get along with. For as long as I can remember whenever I have to talk to someone new, someone i don't get along with, or someone of importance whether it's an acquaintance, an attractive girl, sitting in my bosses office having a meeting i get terrible anxiety. It varies between stages of severity as follows: my mouth feels tiny like its shrinking up from sucking on a lemon, my face feels as if its contorting in other ways, the room will shake and spin and i have to strain to focus, butterflies on steroids, I can't get words out properly, I feel extremely nervous, shaking, my head will feel like its shaking and spinning. It could be any of these individual things or combination of one or more. I'm always aware that's its happening but I can never stop it. Does anyone else experience this type of thing? If so have you figured it out or found a remedy?
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self.Anxiety
|
Ten tips for Interviewing with Anxiety I've commented on others' posts a few times, thought it might help if I posted an actual list. Hope this helps :)
Tip 1. Break down the job description section by section. Provide an example of how you’ve employed those methods in the past. Read your answers out loud until you feel comfortable with them. I printed out a copy of the job description and wrote an answer for every line. So, if it said you have to be organized, I wrote out an example of my organizational skills.
Why it works: Sometimes, anxiety causes us to completely freeze when we’re speaking. It can be a challenge to recover from that – because our anxiety perpetuates that state. By anticipating questions ahead of time, and having a general ideas of what your answers will be, your recovery time is faster. While you may stumble on a few questions during the interview, you will still be better prepared, and more confident going into the interview.
Tip 2: Spend a week researching the company, and the position, and arm yourself with a few questions before going into the interview. Type up your questions and be prepared to bring them to your interview.
I have no background in aerospace, supply chain management or anything that would suggest I would be a good candidate for the position I currently hold. In fact, I was told by those close to me that I shouldn’t bother with this interview, because there was no way I would get it. So in the week leading up to my (two) phone interviews, I learned everything I could about my position and about the company. I was confident enough in the things I did know, that I got an in-person interview.
Why it works: Well, this may be an obvious one, but a company likes to know that you have familiarity with the position — or they like to know that you are eager and willing to learn. You’re demonstrating that you’ve invested time into their company, and that goes a long way. Also, knowledge is power and power gives confidence and confidence is a fighter of anxiety – at least that’s the way I’ve always looked at it.
Tip 3: Put together some folders you can hand out during your interview.
This made all the difference in the world for me during my interview. I bought nice folders with a pocket on either side. I then printed out my resume, a list of references and some example of my previous work and put those in the folder. I passed them out during my interview so everyone, including myself, had a copy.
Why it works: First of all, it separates you from the other people interviewing for the same position. It shows you took time an effort to prepare, and that makes you stand out. But it has a second, hidden benefit. . . When you get really nervous, you can ask the people interviewing you to refer to a certain document in your resume. While they’re rummaging through the folder, attention is taken away from you and you have an opportunity to compose yourself.
Tip 4: Visualize yourself getting the job.
Before I go into a a stressful situation, I play it out in my head. That’s common nature for most of us. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects, however, I focus on a positive outcome. Go into it thinking, if I didn’t have anxiety, this is how it would play out. Really picture it. Think about how you feel and focus on it.
Why it works: Point blank, you won’t get the job (or whatever else you’re hoping to get) if you think you won’t. It also benefits you because when you’re in an interview, you can recall your positive visualizations and use them to help calm down.
Tip 5: Eat RIGHT during the week(s) leading up to the interview.
I spend four hours every weekend prepping meals for my fiance and me. It’s time consuming, and usually makes me angry when I’m doing it, but the time I save during the week and the quality of food I eat during the week are so worth it. I also make sure I do not drink alcohol or caffeine the week prior to an interview or big event.
Why it works: I’ll be composing several posts about eating right on this site. Eventually I’ll even provide meal plan recipes – because – It turns out eating right doesn’t just affect your physical health, but your mental health as well. There are several foods that impact your gut, like Kefir and probiotics- and the impact on your gut ultimately has an impact on your brain. There are other foods, like turkey, which contain tryptophan, an amino acid which has a calming effect on your entire demeanor. On the flip side, coffee and alcohol only exacerbate your anxiety, despite feeling a dependency on one or both to relieve your anxiety. Do some research dukring your down time and find the diet that best works for you, but make sure to do it a few weeks before your interview to make sure none of it makes you feel ill.
Tip 6: Exercise.
You knew I was leading up to this, right? It totally sucks. I’m not someone who wakes up and is excited to work out. I hate it. Mostly. But I weirdly like it. Because I improve my strength and breathing every time I go to the gym. But there’s an even BIGGER benefit – I work off my anxiety. I run an 7:53 mile currently (and will continue to improve that). I have asthma in addition to anxiety. I have to hit my puffer before I run. But guess what? I started off at a 12 minute mile. Now I have to FOCUS on running to get the job done. Everything else disappears because I’m just desperate to stop running. And when I’m done? I have less energy to contribute to my anxiety.
Why it works: There are several studies providing evidence that physically active people have lower rates of anxiety and depression than sedentary people (source: adaa.org) Being physically active gives us something in the present to focus on that isn’t our anxiety. But I’ll be totally honest, it sucks — just in a good way. I wouldn’t give it up for anything.
Just Before and During the Interview
Tip 7: Focus on your breathing.
I typically use breathing exercises to calm down from severe panic attacks. I have asthma as well, so when my anxiety attacks were at their worst, I always assumed my lungs were closing and I would stop breathing forever. I had to work hard to regulate my breathing, but after some practice, it really helped me come down from bad panic attacks. It also helped me calm down prior to an interview. I would go to my interview early and sit in my car for ten or so minutes just focusing on my breathing and lowering my heart rate.
What to do: There are several wonderful breathing exercises you can look up online. The one I use most often is the four/seven/eight method. Inhale through your nose for four seconds, hold that breath for seven seconds and exhale through your mouth for eight seconds. It may be difficult at first, because you may feel like you aren’t getting enough air. But YOU ARE. When I first started breathing this way, I was positive that I couldn’t breathe. And through my research, I found a website that basically said, “Look, you’re breathing in, you’re exhaling. You ARE breathing. What you think you are (or aren’t) doing isn’t the same as what you’re actually doing.” Now I practice mindful breathing throughout the day, and I’ve only had one panic attack in 2017.
Tip 8: Power Poses AKA “Do the Wonderwoman”
There’s not a lot I haven’t tried on my path to Living Beyond Anxiety. One thing I stumbled across was a TED video of Amy Cuddy discussing the concept of power poses, and while there’s been some controversy about their effectiveness, I found that posing prior to my interview helped me tremendously and gave me the boost of confidence I needed.
What to do: You can start by watching Amy Cuddy’s “Power Poses” video on the TED.com website. I employed the “Wonder Woman” pose in the bathroom of the building where my job interview took place. You stand with your feet about shoulder width apart, place your hands on your hips and puff your chest out — it’s a good idea to practice mindful breathing while you’re doing this as well. Stand like this for a few minutes and hormonal changes will start to take place. Studies have shown that this pose increases your testosterone level and decrease your cortisol levels – both of which improve your confidence levels.
Tip 9 Posture
Interviewing for a job can be scary, couple that with anxiety and you’re in for a rough ride. Half of my adult life has been spent making adjustments to my body to hide my anxiety from others. I notice that, even now, I still subconsciously cover my face because I don’t want people to see it twitch. Physically preparing yourself for an interaction can have a huge impact on your comfort levels.
What to do: Be consciously aware of when you find yourself most comfortable and make modification so that your posture is appropriate for a job interview, but provides comfort to you during a stressful time. I typically keep my back straight and my hands folded on the table as it provides me with a certain level of comfort and stability. I also have a tendency to shake, so my keeping my hands together grounded them and made my shaking less noticeable.
Tip 10 Expose Yourself to MANY Interviews
This is my FAVORITE tip and something I will discuss many times. Exposure. Exposure. Exposure. Part of our anxiety stems from discomfort with unfamiliar situations. So, while we may have panic attacks at home, we’re far more comfortable there because we know the environment. It will stink at first, but if you can force yourself to go on a few interviews that you don’t really care about, then you’ll be better prepared going on an interview you do care about.
What to do: Start applying for jobs that only require telephone interviews. Craigslist, Indeed and Monster are all good places to look for jobs. Once you start to feel more comfortable on those interviews, apply for jobs that are an hour or so away from your home. Why? Because if you totally mess it up, the chances of seeing those people again are slim and somehow that concept really helped me calm down before an interview.
You can live beyond your anxiety.
You can get the job of your dreams.
Follow these tips and let me know if you have any of your own!
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self.Anxiety
|
My dog died this morning. Everything fucking sucks.
Edit: Thank you, everyone, for your very, very kind comments. I (probably) don't know any of you, and I (probably) never will, but it does help. It really does. The truth is that Zara was an old dog. At 15, she was ancient as far as Rottweilers go - most Rottweilers only live to 10 or 11, but not my Zara. She was a stubborn old goat. In fact, when i got her at 8, she was already a stubborn old goat.
She was a rescued dog: her previous owner had used her as a breeding farm, and as soon as she couldn't do that anymore he'd decided to get rid of her. He was going to have her put down, but we got her just in time. No one thought she would live very long - again, she was already 8 and most Rottweilers only live to 10 - and we were just a place where she could live out the remainder of her days in comfort. But she did live here. For a long time. For 7 years, she lived in our home and became a member of the family. She outlived my mother and grandmother.
The truth is that I loved my dog very, very much. She was a friend, a family member, a confidant, a companion. She was smart; she was dumb; she was quick; she was lazy as anything. She was the best dog an asshole could have asked for, and now my house feels empty and quiet without her. I think I'll miss her for the rest of my life because I know I'll love her for the rest of my life.
See you later, Z.
xxx
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self.offmychest
|
I cried on New Years because I love my gf so much, and I feel like an idiot. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Alcohol and Bipolar I've been doing alright after a psychotic break. I've avoided caffeine and alcohol and I've been doing "OK". I'm still a little off and IDK how long it is going to take for me to get back to "normal". It has been 6-months and I'm still not "right".
Anyway, I had some alcohol today and I noticed that when I drink, my "true" feelings surface. I think that I'm doing "OK", but in reality, the alcohol shows that I'm not. The meds appear to be hiding what is going on underneath because it is still there. Just lurking.
I'm not sure what to do with this kind of information. I'm tempted to stop taking my meds to allow the true emotion to ride itself out because it is still there 6-months later even though I thought that I was "OK". I do not know why it's still there.
I wrote a short story about it once. I called it a "darkness". Little did I know, everyone else with a mental illness calls it a "darkness" as well! How funny (and it's kinda sad TBH).
IDK IDK.
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self.bipolar
|
My particular situation I've been procrastinating this post for way too long, it's finally time to get all this shit out.
As a child I was pretty sociable, I used to go out a lot and play with other children. I don't know what the hell happened along the way, but since I was 13 I started becoming more and more shy, more and more a loner, more and more anxious in social situations, more and more lazy and unwilling to go out.
This means that I don't typically enjoy social occasions or generally staying with people. And in turn that makes my situation worse, because whenever I *do* participate in social occasions I never have enough things to talk about, or I don't have the most interesting stories to tell, or I just end up embarassing myself or getting myself in a situation that embarasses me.
I've always been a pretty particular kid, I have my assortment of quirks (e.g. putting all the cutlery on the left side of the plate despite being right handed, doing a variety of things by multiples of 5, etc.) but nothing too out of the ordinary or outrageous to justify some kind of disorder. *And that's what bugs me*: if I did have something like OCD or Asperger's then all my little obsessions would be justified. That way people wouldn't think I'm weird because the reason I do those things wouldn't depend on me; but the way I am doesn't allow that.
Another thing that really bugs me is the fact that everyone tells me that I should go out more often, meet up with some friends, increase my social life. Yet whenever I actually try to to that and eventually do something weird or embarassing, those same people turn on me and *laugh*. They *laugh* and *laugh* and won't stop *mocking* and *laughing*. And for someone with moderate social anxiety those laughs hurt. They hurt a lot. But they don't understand it. Even if I explain it to them they'll stop for a while and then resume. How am I supposed to socialize more if every *single* **fucking** ***time*** I try to do that I get laughed at and mocked?
And I'm not happy with myself either. I am almost 15, pretty underweight, scrawny, far from handsome and completely unable to defend myself. Why should I be happy with myself? And the worst part: I'm pretty emotional. I often cry during movies (e.g. the first time I saw Edward Scissorhands, or The Green Mile, or Schindler's List), but I also often cry when I feel insulted or offended. And in high school that happens an awful lot. It's not something that depends on me, I'd definitely prefer not to cry; but they don't understand it. Whenever I start crying I just wanna be left alone; but they don't understand it. They feel compelled to point it out in front of the whole class. *"dwarftopia, are you crying?"* Pointing out something about a shy person in fron of a group of people is the worst thing you can do to them. But they don't understand that.
But going back to my previous point: sometimes I just feel like I'm not anything special at all, that I'm just as average as it can get. I know for a fact that it's quite the opposite, for a series of reasons I'm a very difficult person to forget, but I just can't help it. I feel like the only times I stand out from the mass are because of negative reasons, and they don't care about the positive ones. *"Oh, you just got an A in a test? Well, better call you by an embarassing name and address your small dick, which you definitely have because you're half Asian."* That's their thought process. And they won't change that, no matter how much I ask them to.
Sometimes I wish I had some impediment, like Asperger's or OCD or even autism, so people would actually be forced to treat me well. But I don't have any of that, so people aren't compelled to treat me well and don't make an effort to do so. Which in turn makes me think again about how much happier I would be if I could justify the way I act, and here you have a vicious cycle.
I dn't have depression but I feel like this sort of stuff, this vicious cycle will be the reason I get it in the future.
Sorry for the long post, I just had to get this all out. If you've come this far, I thank you for taking your time to listen to my complaints. I'm done for now, better get some sleep.
~dwarfy
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self.depression
|
I need to call the number. The problem is:
My mom said that tomorrow my behavioral therapist would be screaming at me because today in a hospital before my doctor's appointment I had my wallet and school folder on the floor. My mom threatened calling the police on me today, but no one in my household did that now. Thank goodness.
On my wallet is my Florida State ID, my Wells Fargo debit card, a light/dark gray USB and some coins. Nothing else of much importance here. Nothing bad is on that light/dark gray USB.
On my school folder is some paper awards from my school to me, like my promotion from 9th to 10th Grade certificate from last year, my current report cards, my certificate that says that I'm the Student of the Month of 10th Grade for September 2017, and so on.
Anyways, more info on the problem is that my mom said that someone can steal my information like my bank account information.
I said "No one can steal my intelligence!"
I don't want my behavioral therapist to be screaming at me tomorrow, so I have to call the Suicide Prevention number tomorrow.
Yes, I have a smartphone, it's the one I'm using right now. Yes, I do know my phone number.
I need to call the Suicide Prevention number tomorrow so I would be in a safe haven instead of me being in trouble with my behavioral therapist.
Comments?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I sob thinking about my painfully wasted young years I'm going to write this hopefully without stopping to think myself into madness with corrections and such. Too late I just backspaced two whole sentences! There is this big fucking hard block of concrete in my head that stops me from doing anything including things I like such as drawing and reading. I love going on tumblr and pinterest and deviantart to look at the amazing drawings and paintings people are able to create. Sometimes though, I get really jealous of the fictional characters in the fandoms. Heck, I get really jealous of people in my life and around the world; young people. I just get this sinking, dreadful feeling inside my chest realizing that I'm wasting my young years doing nothing. I'm 24 now, and looking back on my life I've just been a sad, pathetic underachiever with no drive or history of doing anything adventurous. I'm wasting my young years. I'm wasting my young years. It plays over in my head all the time. I can't get my brain to shut off. Every night before I go to bed it plays over and over. I'm just so sad and disappointed in my life and how I've done nothing with it. Even as a little kid I never did anything fun and I don't have any wild stories of adventure, excitement, nor things like "Lol we were dumb kids yada yada...We did this all the time yada yada..." I'm sorry for the rant. Writing it out didn't help me get the chants out of my head. I'm so sad guys. And I know that fictional characters are deliberately made to be fascinating and have amazing lives, but there are people who were born 5 years before me (who are real, yes) and they are really living their lives to the fullest and are doing amazing things. Right now I want to go out, rent a solid 4x4, and drive to some god knows where designated dark space and lay on my back and gaze at the stars in the night sky. I want to go do something fun and amazing, but knowing I've wasted so many years being depressed in bed, on my computer, sleeping, and just doing nothing will haunt me forever.
Please take me back to being a little girl again. Let me try again please.
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self.depression
|
How do I end my life without hurting family and friends?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Therapy Hello all,
I recently sought counseling; because I am having trouble accepting myself. I was able to get over constantly feeling depressed just over 2 weeks ago. This past week, I've been experiencing suicidal thoughts, and contemplation. My question is if I should express this to her. She hasn't really helped me or offered advice. Any input she gives is common sense. My biggest fear is that this will somehow affect my ability to purchase a firearm, or I'll be hospitalized. I should mention that she is of my community college's student health center.She hasn't really been helpful, so I don't really see a reason to tell anyone; let alone her.
Tldr: Will telling my counselor I'm experiencing suicidal thoughts invoke any restrictions on purchasing a firearm, and is it worth telling someone?
I'd also like to say that I would never commit suicide.
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self.depression
|
I'm stupid, I'm suicidal, and alone don't know what to do. I'm 15 and I don't have anyone who cares about me. My family is abusive (more details in other posts)and I don't know where to go. I don't really have any friends. My one friend is always busy because she now has a boyfriend and her grandmother is taking her to New York for a month, I've had chronic pain that's gone on really bad for about a year that doesn't go away. I'm so suicidal and I have tried to kill myself so many times. I have never wanted to die so bad but I don't have any other methods. My stomach hurts I want to be dead so bad. I've been using a pro suicide fourm on and off trying to find ways to kill myself. I don't know who to go to for help. A few weeks ago I asked for advice on a different forum and someone said I could PM them if I ever wanted to talk. And I did. I tried to not bother them and let them know I appreciated their help. They were helping me sort stuff out with my family. It made the last couple weeks kinda good. I would like to get up in the morning and read what they wrote and I would PM them back in a couple days. Then I didn't get anything back from them for a week. But today I got a message message from them saying that they didn't read my last message (which was kind of important) and they don't think we should PM anymore. Fuck, I've obviously annoyed them and I feel so bad about it, It was just nice to have someone to talk to. I'm so stupid, This past year my life just got to be so bad that I have just been telling complete random strangers everything trying to get any help or advice. I don't know where to live, how to make the pain go away, or who to talk to. I've been alone for a long time and it's awful. Everything that's good or decent gets taken away from me. I tried to call CPS for help with my family and they just said that they would just send us to concealing which would just make my family pissed and they would treat me worse. And I'm also failing school because I haven't felt well enough to go a lot of the time.
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self.offmychest
|
I think I made a rude first impression So I have SA, and I do Tae Kwon Do. My TKD place is split up into different classes by belt rank. So since I’m a black belt, I’m in the red to black belt class. There was this new kid today who just moved up to the same class I’m in.
He was really quiet, most likely because he was with a bunch of unfamiliar people, but he seemed a bit stand-offish. I don’t think he was trying to be, but he just looked a bit. So we had to spar each other today, and I eventually had to spar him. Even though he’s two ranks below me, he beat my ass fair and square. But I kept noticing how I didn’t talk to him at all. I think I appeared the most stand-offish. I think I was being a little passive aggressive, and I feel so bad about it now.
Even through he totally beat my ass, he was still really nice. But I think I gave off a rude vibe, when he was just trying to get through his day with a bunch of unfamiliar people. I feel really bad now. For having social anxiety, I really can’t get along well with other quiet people very well. We just end up sitting in awkward silence together, wondering if the other hates them. I feel like I might have unintentionally glared at him, even if that wasn’t what I meant to do. Did I actually? I don’t know, I have OCD for god sake I can be sure of anything. I just feel like I made his first day at a new class kind of shitty, and I gave him a weird first impression. Am I overreacting to this? Of course I am. But I’m still super nervous that I made him think that I hate him or something. Help?!
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self.Anxiety
|
Panic attacks causing me to isolate myself? Any tips on how to not isolate myself from everyone when my panic attacks are bad. My panic attacks get pretty bad this time of year, due to numerous triggers. But I find myself shutting down because of it. My health issues already cause me to isolate quite a bit, and I'm trying to avoid further distancing from the very limited people I have left. Any advice?
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self.Anxiety
|
I think she made herself sick for attention I *had* a best friend, who we will call Tanis (character I made based off of her). The very last time I saw her, I had a mole check for my mole that had grown and gotten darker. Melanoma moles are really common in my family, so this was scary. My removal and then testing appointment was one week from that day as I had plans to hang with my close friends. I told them (Tanis and one other friend) about it. Tanis is mentally ill and one of her symptoms is attention seeking. When I drove her home (for no gas money despite being 200 miles to pick her up, bring her, take her home, and then go home all during heavy traffic), she had a panic attack cause her acid reflux was acting up and I have been stuck in the car with her during her panic attacks before (some legitimate issues, others being her stomach hurt a little and she thinks she is dying), but this was out of the ordinary. We were friends for five years, and I mean it was really out of the ordinary. She was fucking sobbing and saying, "No." "And I don't wanna die." I actually almost took her to the hospital, cause I was so scared for her. But the main reason I swear she did it for attention was cause she did NOT take anything for acid reflux and had a lot of hot sauce during lunch.
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self.offmychest
|
Struggling with friendship I don’t understand friendship sometimes. I worry that I’m annoying so won’t text. When I do text I freak out if they don’t respond. It makes me think I did something wrong. I worry that they forgot about me, don’t like me anymore, hate, etc. I know there’s no reason for these worries, but I can’t stop freaking out about it. So, just wanted to vent.
Note: I’ve had a lot of past abusive friendships.
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self.Anxiety
|
Are there any other musicians here? Actually, I don't know if I count because I'm still learning basic stuff, but I think I finally found an interest I can stick with.
I'm learning guitar right now but I also sometimes compose my own tracks on the computer. I find it to be a helpful creative outlet. I can't draw or write to save my life, but music seems to click with me. I find making music to be kind of like writing a story with the way chords progress and all that. It's really neat and a great coping mechanism when I'm not feeling so hot or if I've got a ton of creative energy I need to get out.
Anyway, does anyone else here do music stuff?
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self.bipolar
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Sick, alone, anxiety, and this life feels like bullshit. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Whenever I get horny I end up cutting myself. I don't know where to post this really as it's tangent on everything but not directly related to any one thing. I just don't want to have a sex drive anymore.
I'm on meds for depression and most of the time I'm ok. They kill my sex drive to at least half of what it would normally be, and this is good. Because I can't get horny without wanting to hurt myself. Somehow, in my brain, the very concept of 'attractive' has come to perfectly overlap with my ex bf and nothing else. Other people are only attractive to the level that they are similar to him and in the end everyone else feels like a cheap replacement. My scale doesn't go from 1 to 10, it goes to 'looks nothing like ex' to 'is actually my ex'. So I inevitably end up thinking about him whenever I do get horny. And thinking about him simply makes me want to die. Although it's been more than a year since our pretty ugly fallout. I hate myself for how much I'm not over it. I hate myself for thinking about it all the time and letting it have so much influence over me.
I tried casually dating other people. I slept with quite a few randoms. And although it's enjoyable, I just can't get feelings for anyone else. It's just interchangeable random people who happen to be in the right place at the right time. I don't want any of them specifically. I just don't want to be reminded of how broken I am on a constant basis, which is what my sex drive does nowadays.
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self.offmychest
|
Calming down without freezing up I'm able to calm down. But the only way I do is by just dropping the things I was worried about. Just breathe, breathe, distract a bit, calm down. But that means I don't do the things I need and my problems get worse. I can't both stay calm and face my issues. It's really hurting me and I need to figure something out. I can be calm. I can't calmly face my stressors. What can I do?
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self.Anxiety
|
Just another hopeless case I am 25 and I lost the girl of my dreams about two years ago. Our relationship was probably one of the most dysfunctional ones out there. On the surface we seemed like the ideal couple, and to each other it seemed that way as well. We were either both blind or both in denial of course. Well the delusion finally ended, as few lies ever remained buried forever. It pains me to even think about her, to the point that sometimes I feel a pain in my chest. People tell me “to just get out there, and I will get over her,” and “it will pass with time.” All I can say is, I hope I just get hit by a bus, because that seems much more likely. I think of her daily still and not even because I go looking for grief. I wake up and think about her. She was everything for me. It feels like I am losing a grip on my sanity. It’s funny, I never thought much of how people go crazy.. well not until recently. The worst thing is, I still love her now and there is not a thing I can do now.
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self.depression
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PTSD, Depression and GAD is taking over, I want to die to spare my partner any more hardship. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Meds Hey, I’m on 125mg zoloft and was on klonopin as needed which wasn’t working for me. My psych just prescribed me 25mg seroquel and I’m scared to take it due to reading mixed reviews on the Internet. Any experience w these two meds? Sometimes I wonder if zoloft is helping at all.. have gained some weight on it and feel a bit lethargic
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self.bipolar
|
Am I a terrible person or a victim of my needs My girlfriend of 3 years who i really loved, left me for another guy when we got to uni (the same uni). After this i started self harming and even attempted an overdose on painkillers (ended up just throwing up a lot and my stomach hurt a lot (pretty stupid)). Anyway this girl, who is one of my flatmates, knew about my depression and looked after me and it quickly evolved into a relationship. We recently said we loved each other, but i must admit i dont feel the same about her as i did for me ex (who i still love). Will i come to feel the same way about her? Am i just using her to take me mind off of my ex? Should i leave her and deal with my issues in my own?.... I wish i had the balls to try and take my life again.
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self.depression
|
Looking for help. In a confusing and helpless spot Looking for help. I am running out of energy and cant understand what is going on.
For the last 4-5 years, I have struggled with what I would call depression,
however, for the last 3, I wouldn't say thats the proper diagnosis.
I have lost touch with reality at this point. I sometimes feel that life isn't real and that our lives are actually plotted/scripted and that our outcomes are predetermined. On top of this, I feel as if some strangers arent really people and that they are just 'simulated'. I know this sounds fucked but i have always been a very deep thinker to the point where I pretty much lose my mind.
What causes me to feel so isolated and hopeless is the symptoms I have are so random. At one time I thought I had ADD because I have memory struggles, problems focusing, I ramble on endlessly, and I have a hard
time staying interested in things such as work, household tasks, or hobbies. I have also experience really bad anhedonia that seems to be on and off. Mostly on.
Today, I am amidst some sort of crisis. Its not just questioning my purpose and trying to understand reality, but trying to understand what is wrong with me. I have been treated for depression with several antidepressants yet most symptoms persist.
I am running very low on faith that my life will ever feel worth it. I have tried sooo hard not to give up but I am getting tired. You can only hear people say "its okay, things will get better" or "dont give up yet" for so long before it all sounds fake.
Im not sure why I am writing this, but maybe someone can help. I am starting to feel like a time bomb. Thanks everyone..
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self.depression
|
Anyone Free to Talk? I just need to talk to someone right now.
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self.depression
|
I made a big change today So, I have been very anxious and stressed because of work for the last 2 years. I have always been a person who strives for perfection. I also was raised in a troubled family and was forced to take responsibility of my younger siblings and later even parents at young age. This has made me very responsible and by nature I take care of others better than myself.
In work this kind of combo has made me a perfect employee for company. It has it perks for me as well as within few years I have been promoted into a country manager. Outside everything looked great. Great position, great salary etc. But inside, my stress grew, I got very anxious and it started to be hard to even get out of bed. I couldn’t sleep, eat etc. My anxious is chronic and I started to get all kind of catastrophic fears etc.
So today, I resigned. I left a great position, without any idea about the future. It’s been a big day. I know I made the right decision. Still I have felt very sad and felt that I let down many people, including myself. I know that is not the case, but it was a very hard decision for me. I wanted all to work out, but you can’t force something that isn’t there. Mixed feelings, but I feel a little bit less anxious at the moment than before. Still need to work some time before it ends.
But phew.. life..
|
self.Anxiety
|
What makes you think about it? What makes you desire suicide? How many attempts do you have? How are you trying to improve your situation?
I think deep down suicide isn't the solution, there are beautiful things to live in life. I'd have to accept that maybe I won't get everything I want in life, but there are realistic things I can achieve. Why should we kill ourselves if we could be productive members of society?
I personally tried 2 times and ended up in ER because I pussied, alone by myself crying for more than 10 hours. When I've been about to die I totally regret it and want another chance, which I kinda lose with time, the cycle is kinda hard to overcome, but I think there could be better things to come. Also struggle with alcohol and substance abuse to cope.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Does anyone else have a history of trying several SSRI & SNRI meds and just not getting results? So far, I have tried Lexapro, Paxil, Prozac, Luvox, Zoloft, Pristiq & now I am on Effexor 150 mg. Been on it for 2 months now and it is having no effect on my anxiety symptoms. Next time I go into the NP, she will raise my dose to 300mg and I honestly am starting to think it's pointless.
I think the strategy of prescribing these drugs is horrible. You try the most popular one and if that doesn't work they raise the dose, and if that doesn't work you go onto the next one. It's pathetic that the only way for my doctors to prescribe me meds is to throw them all at me and see which one sticks. This has been a 4-5 year struggle now and I'm very unpleased with how it has all gone.
I personally am interested in GABA reuptake inhibitors, but they aren't very common and they are only prescribed off label for anxiety.
I just don't know what to do, I'm pretty sure raising my dose of Effexor won't help because nothing has yet. I don't expect the medication to do ALL the work, I meditate every morning and eat well. I honestly haven't gotten any relief from any of these meds.
If anyone reading this has had the same kind of journey of medications just not doing anything, please share! Also, any other advice on which direction to go would be helpful because I'm losing confidence.
|
self.Anxiety
|
End of the world for me....blood on tissue paper after bowel movement.... help! [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
i don't know what to do anymore This past year has been terrible for me. I lost everyone I cared about and nothing is exciting/pleasurable anymore. It feels like I'm just watching my life go by and I'm not actually experiencing anything. I've tried everything from therapy to self medicating, but I think all I need is someone who will listen to me and actually try to be there. idk. I just don't know anymore.
|
self.depression
|
Somewhat Unique Form of OCD/Anxiety - Peripheral Staring? Can anyone relate/give advice? My symptoms of OCD/Anxiety don't necessarily compare to the more scary stories I've read on this subreddit, but I'd just like some advice. Over the past few years, I've dealt with a more discrete symptom of OCD called OCD Staring or Peripheral Staring, where I can't stop staring at people out of the corners of my eyes, to the point where it makes them visibly uncomfortable. It used to be somewhat controllable with it happening only when people that had made some sort of impactful difference in my life were in the room (ex-girlfriends, ex-friends, etc.) However, over the past year, it has suddenly escalated to the point where almost every living minute in high school is just me trying not to stare out the sides of my eyes at people, to the point where sometimes I just have to pretend to sleep or stare down at the ground so I don't have to deal with a human being anywhere in my field of vision. It's the worse when I'm forced to sit down in front of the board and someone is directly in front of me, I can see them noticeably fidgeting uncomfortably and trying to block me from their eyesight with their arm/hands. I feel like this problem has completely destroyed my ability to foster relationships with people in the past year, and I'd really like to finish my senior year at high school strong. I think that a huge part of this problem is tied to my self-confidence, but this isn't something so easy to fix.
I just wanted to know, can anyone relate to this type of Peripheral OCD Staring and how were your experiences with it? If not, do you still have any possible advice?
I would've really liked to go to a therapist to perhaps try something like CBT or something of the sort, but I'm still in high school and don't have the money to do that kind of stuff or the means to get there. Telling my parents about the issue is not an option either, as both my father and mother are more of the conservative white parents that treat stuff like this as "meaningless bullshit" (quoted from my dad). I've just been taking some light anxiety medication (Natro's Stress & Anxiety) over the past two days, which has barely helped if at all (probably just placebo tbh). I ordered some L-Tryptophan Supplements as I read that this can also help with some of these symptoms, but ultimately would not be as strong as SSRI's.
I really don't feel like my issue is at the point of needing to go to the doctor and trying to get anxiety medication prescribed (as if I even could, being a high school student). However, I don't want this to spiral out of my control as I've read some anecdotes of people who have dealt with this problem for decades in their life. Honestly, researching this issue online was somewhat underwhelming. All the few articles I found were either cures of wearing big glasses, taking prescribed stimulants, or one that even said that it was all in my head. These are all valid points, but I would like to get rid of this problem in the most natural way possible without having to weary blocky headwear. Also, I know that it is not in my head because I can clearly see people that I can't stop looking at blocking me from their field of vision and tilting their head to ungodly angles just so they can't see me anywhere in their vision. I should probably stop rambling for now, but I'm just lost and worried at the moment...
xposted from [r/socialanxiety](https://www.reddit.com/r/socialanxiety/comments/78k4b4/somewhat_unique_form_of_ocdanxiety_peripheral/)
|
self.Anxiety
|
They say everybody is going through something, but it honestly feel like everyone has at least something to look forward to in life except me.
|
self.depression
|
Religion is depressing. "Satan is walking around like a lion devouring men so watch out for every WAKING second!"
But lo, lets have peace as we believe things will turn out better. I mean how the hell do any of these people have peace? I don't believe satan and god are even real, but rather that things can reach an ultimate good or ultimate evil state of being, society, population, system, etc. It's just momentum, that's it. There's personal momentum and societal momentum, and whoever harnesses the laws of energy the best simply wins in this life. I don't think there's some fallen archangel trying to bring people down. I don't buy it, not from my hellhole past and personal trauma.
|
self.depression
|
Everything just feels shit. I'm a 15 year old male who is suicidal. I told my mom and stepdad that I was very depressed and they laughed and said that I wasn't. I've also told my friends and one of them just thought I said it as a joke and my 2 other friends are too depressed to get help from.
I have been depressed since I was 13 but when I turned 15 I got suicidal. I feel lonely and I think about how I should kill myself when I'm at school or when I'm eating etc.
I almost never sleep for more than 2-4 hours per night which makes me very tired at school and I only sleep in class.
I don't really have a good reason for being suicidal except that I hate the way everyone lives, wake up, go to work, get paid, go home, eat, sleep and then it starts all over again. I also feel like i'm such a dick towards everyone, as I don't care about anything anymore, some people are annoyed by my negativity towards everything.
Being alive is just pain and suffering. I've almost stopped feeling emotions at all, I don't feel empathy towards people anymore, only for animals. Now at school i've just started pretending that everything is alright after someone said that I was emo or something like that and now it's just too hard to "be happy".
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Did you realize you were becoming depressed? Whenever a doctor asks me when I first started noticing signs of depression, I legitamely struggle to think of a time when I wasn't depressed.
Like I know I wasn't depressed as a kid, but something must've happened along the way for me to get here. And not knowing how/why/when I became depressed is something I think about too much. Why can't I just get over it, think through it, work it out. I can rationalize my depression. I can tell myself, "Self, you are depressed, it's beneficial for you not to be, it's all in your head, etc, etc." But evidently I still feel the same way everyday I wake up. I can't work it out.
|
self.depression
|
[Mini-rant]Armchair Experts I cannot be the only one who has felt that sting of irritation and anger whilst stumbling upon someone who wants to preach to you about how to manage your own illness while having never dealt with it themselves outside of "I dated someone once", or "I read online".
I do constant research and studying on the effects and different treatment methods of BP, but seeing these things always makes me kinda bleh.
The biggest issue I have is these people often derail and give misinformation that just proves more harm than good.
Ugh. People.
|
self.bipolar
|
I am buying a helium tank when I get paid I can't do it anymore.
How many times does someone have to be beaten down again and again until they can catch a break? I was molested and bullied as a child. Raped and discarded as an adult. I have no friends. My last girlfriend, the one woman I truly ever fell in love with, dumped me by text and started dating a new, vulnerable woman a month later. The same month I tried to kill myself in before I had two rape anniversary deal with. I tried to reach out to her. She ignored me. Like I didn't exist.
Everyone already treats me like a ghost anyway.
There's no cure for people like me. My life is on a loop and I see no end in sight.
I will buy it on Tuesday. That gives me time to write out letters and make the necessary arrangements.
It has been a long time coming. I think I'm finally ready.
|
self.offmychest
|
anxiety about love. so i really have gone through several horrible relationships and friendships, some being emotionally sexually and/or physically abusive. i can no longer find myself opening up to anyone. it’s so difficult to trust people and i used to be an extremely open person and gave everyone a chance. i can’t do that anymore. i love my best friends but sometimes i have fears that they’ll leave me. these feelings have created me into the socially anxious person i am today. i can barely communicate in most settings and i hate it. i had to take a semester off of college because i simply could no longer function there without daily panic attacks. i have no friends there, no one i can trust, and i’m too anxious to meet people. i now stay at home all day and i’m getting treatment, but sometimes i relapse a lot and it’s still difficult for me to trust people.
edit: i’ve also been having a lot of confusion with my sexuality. i’m a bicurious female but i’m unable to actually experiment with girls because of my anxiety. i really want to find an online community of bi or bicurious girls that i can talk to romantically or sexually without feeling anxious about it. it’s something that bothers me every day yet i can’t do anything about it. sometimes i feel attracted to my straight friends and i have to suppress everything. i just want someone to talk to.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Feeling lonely and existential late tonight, anyone trying to talk??? M(21) Not really feeling like I belong anywhere anymore. In my senior year at university and I’m just tryin to distance myself from the culture here. Also, when I head “home” it’s just not feeling like I belong back there anymore because my mom is now living with her long term boyfriend. I barely have any possessions back there and I just feel like I’m not wanted anywhere I know anymore.
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self.depression
|
My crush told me we could never be together I've had a crush on a girl for a few years and I always knew that being in a relationship with her would be trouble because we went to different schools in different parts of the country. But I still felt something towards her. When I left school and we had more opportunities to see each other, I felt like things might be looking up. That changed after she came round to my place and it didn't really go that well (not horrendous, just not great). At the time I thought it was because she was oblivious to the situation I was in. But I was proved wrong.
I got a message from her talking about when she came over and how I was acting. After that, she tells me that she's gay and that we can't be together.
Edit: It seems worse than being in the "friend zone". Is there even a term for this? The straight zone?
|
self.depression
|
I've given myself a nervous tick, and this isn't the first time this has happened. I know *how* this started, I know *when*, but I don't know why this keeps happening to me.
A few years ago, probably around 3. I remember thinking, out of the blue, about a teacher's aid/student from college possibly getting on-the-job experience I had in 7th grade. I remember looking over at her and seeing her squinting her face, more specifically just her mouth to one side, and holding it there for a while. Think of the infamous McKayla Maroney picture; that's what I mean. I thought to myself, "I could never do something like that, even out of boredom, that would absolutely make my anxiety go insane and make me nervous. I would be so embarrassed if someone confronted me about it. I wouldn't be able to give a coherent answer."
Those thoughts of anxiety, nervousness, and embarrassment somehow became associated with that facial expression in my head. I instantly started subconsciously making that facial expression whenever I thought about anything that made me anxious, nervous, or embarrassed. Even looking at pictures or watching videos of other people being anxious, nervous, or embarrassed made that expression happen on my face.
I didn't want for this to be so noticeable, so every time I realized this was happening, I quickly stopped doing doing it (stopped making the facial expression, not stop thinking of the offending thought). It got to the point where it no longer looked like I was making an odd facial expression, it became more of a muscle twitch.
For months, whenever I had one of "those" thoughts, the, what became a nervous twitch, happened.
Fast forward about 6-7 months; I was browsing Reddit oddly enough, and another nervous/anxious/embarrassed thought cross my mind. This time, instead of the mouth-muscle-nervous-twitch I explained above, I turned my head to the left while looking straight ahead in a sort-of "please don't look at me" way. For some reason my brain decided that this would be my new nervous twitch. Everything that happened with the first nervous twitch happened with this one as well; realizing I had associated "those" thoughts with it, stopping myself once I had realized I was doing it, and it turning from a not-quite-as-noticeable head movement to a snap/jerk head movement to the left. This one still happens to me.
Fast forward another year or so... yep another different twitch/tick. I don't remember the circumstances where this one arose from, but the new nervous facial expression was a furled brow; the kind you make when you are angry (as if I was thinking, "Why the hell are you doing that? Don't you know you're going to be embarrassed about it?") . Again, like the previous incarnation, I realized I was making the expression, I stopped making the expression as soon as I realized I was making it, and it soon became a single-eyed brow furl that was more akin to a muscle twitch or tick than a held facial expression.
This is the current nervous tick I have until my brain decides to associate another facial expression and/or movement with anxious/nervous/embarrassed thoughts.
Thank god no one has really noticed it, but it does make going out into social situations even more strenuous than before. Thinking that someone will notice it, come up to me and ask me about it and while they are asking be about it, I'll make one or more ticks happen, and not be able to coherently explain to a non-anxiety-ridden person how and why I do it.
The end...?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Has anyone else traced/remembered sadness all the way back to a young age? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
how do I stop obsessing over my physical flaws? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Any time I ask to hang out with my "friends" they always cancel [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Some terrible years I've had I go to school every day and I hate it, and we finally get Christmas break, and all it does is remind me how much I hate living at home. My parents are lunatics who don't let me leave the house and my brother doesn't stop arguing with them. So surprise, Christmas break was agony and in two days I have to go back to the torture that is school. So there is no enjoyment or fulfilment I'll find from anything this lifestyle brings. I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep from dying before I graduate and ditch this shit town.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Only been holding this in for a few hours but I visited Auschwitz for the first time today. I was deeply moved, disturbed, and pissed. The number of fucking people I saw taking selfies and posing on the grounds of a fucking concentration camp was astounding. People blatantly ignoring photography rules, and places of reverence. I'm still fucking fuming. How does someone see those things and continue to be an entitled prick???
|
self.offmychest
|
I don't know how much longer I've got. I can't function. I'm only dragging everyone else down with me. I don't see any long-term future.
Why am still dragging my heels?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Can I drink alcohol while also being on Lexapro/Escitalopram? If it’s relevant, I’m on 20mg daily.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Can Depression Show Up Through Unmotivation hi kids,
So these past couple of weeks I've felt really REALLY unmotivated to work on anything, even stuff I know I need to do, and it's really troubling me because I had been so motivated and a go-getter but now the slightest bit of stuff tires me out.
And I started noticing a couple signs...I guess you would call them? Last time depression hit really hard I noticed it because I wasn't showering and I wasn't sleeping. I think it could be happening again.
Or maybe I'm just a lazy bitch. I really don't know anymore and I'm really sad and tired.
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self.depression
|
How do i become a morning person on seroquel? I try to wake up early but no matter what I wake up as late as possible because of my seroquel. Anyone on seroquel or another sedating med have any advice?
|
self.bipolar
|
I have lots of mental problems but i dont want to put effort in to stop them Title says the main chunk of it. I just don't like putting effort into anything ANYTHING and i am on like 3 different medicines and overall its helping but i know nothing in life will work out if i dont put in effort and maybe me not putting effort into anything has to do with me having never done chores or work in life before so yeah i just have been feeling a bit depressed cause i also feel like im being judged by people and i never go out in public i never even leave my room i just browse youtube/reddit and rarely find anything good and i keep going even though its just nothing; i feel like i often set too high goals for anything or myself in life and back to that browsing on the computer all day that makes basically my entire day nothing really sometimes and i might wait for my friends to be online but they arent on often cause they actually have lives and another problem i have is i feel like i need someone else to actually make me do something otherwise i wont really do it whether its someone forcing me to do something or just being with me doing it and so for example even if i want to go outside i need someone to force me to or to go out with me and with video games i can rarely play a game solo unless its really fun but even my most favorite games if im not talking to anyone i dont have motivation to play it and quick side note i feel like i have no motivation a lot of the time and thats the core of why my life is so messy sometimes i have motivation problems but yeah i just kinda wanted to vent out my feelings and any ideas on how to help would be fine but its not guaranteed i will even read them or listen to them
|
self.depression
|
I wanted to share my story of dealing with obsessions, anxiety, depression, ect [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Right to refuse major med changes? I’m starting an IOP Monday, which also includes weekly sessions with a psychiatrist. I honestly feel really good about my meds. I went because I’ve never done the therapy part of things.
Anyone have any experience with this? I’m pretty stable most of the time. It’s the distress tolerance and emotional regulation I need.
|
self.bipolar
|
Today I gathered the little money I left and probably bought myself my last dominos pizza I am tired. I didnt know how i survived today but I dont know how to survive tmrw. I probably will make my decision after watching the Warriors-Grizzlies game. The Warriors game gave me such joy the past 4 years when I have been facing depression. I have never missed watching a match yet on the tele.
Maybe this can be my last happiness.I love my parents. I love the world and probably a little too late, but I love the people in this world.
|
self.depression
|
Looking for informal Chicago support groups, *not NAMI or DBSA* tried those two and they're damn depressing.
|
self.bipolar
|
I cant stand my highly dramatic flatmate kind of disorganized since it's an offmychest thing, but I just can't stand my overly dramatic and terribly spoiled flatmate. She says she is depressed and never leaves the house, never do any housechores and gets very upset or simply cries out loud everyday... it's so tiring. She watches tv and sleeps all day -thank god on her filthy room- and cries her dad for more money whenever she had eaten all the monthly deposits he gives her. She is a thirty year old woman that cries everydayout of imaginary stupidity and doesn't even think about the people that surrounds her or their feelings. It doesn't really interfere with my life -until she starts to own me money- but I just cant stand how some people have it all so easily...
|
self.offmychest
|
Maybe I'm here to fight depression all my life. Maybe I won't get to know whether I'll have a best friend or friends for life ...
Or get to meet the love of my life - let alone marry them
... Or get my dream job (hell I don't even know what it is I want to do)
... Or have a decent roof over my head
... Or travel to the places I've always wanted to go
... Or even be alive long enough for all these.
I don't even know if I'm happy or not. I'm probably not happy. It's getting better but it could get worse. I guess I shouldn't feel so pressured ...
Maybe life is just a train I woke up in with no memory of who I am or what the hell is happening and now I can't get out till it arrives at the final destination, which I can never know about before it does. Maybe it's not even moving, maybe I'm already there ... maybe I just need to *jump off* ... but no. That would be very, very dangerous. Not just to me, but g-d knows what. (No, I won't bring religion into this.)
I hate being in this stupid seat. Someone get me out of here (heh) ... I just want to know when it's over. I just want to know when I can finally sleep in peace.
Or I guess I'll take that cliche "it's about the journey" stuff seriously and enjoy the ride however scary this train might be. Maybe some scenery outside the window could be worth staying for. And I might fall asleep eventually.
...
...
...
(pardon my ellipses)
\*leans back and sighs\*
|
self.depression
|
Think I just had a minor psychosis episode? It's almost 3am. I spent the entire night arguing to myself loudly about committing suicide. Kept repeating phases and words for no fucking reason. I have a huge headache right now. My mind is kinda blank atm and I don't know what to think. I don't remember what just happened except having this agonizing emotional pain. I was freaking out over a bunch of reasons even though they probably shouldn't matter? I'm very tired I just want to sleep. I'm wide awake and I think I'm calming down. I don't know what the fuck that was but I think it's over?
Omg my head hurts so fucking much. I still feel so much pain right now and I have no clue why. I'm fucking fine. Just laying in bed and starring at my phone. Why can't this shit just be done with this is like every damn day.
I tell myself I could just end this shit right now. Yet I still choose to continue for fuck all reasons. Why can't I just fucking stop? Just calm down please, fuck...
Edit 1: ok things are getting kinda bad. Wtf do I do? Holy shit I'm very scared. I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack. Yet I'm like really fucking happy lol. Yet I'm like dying lmao. How the hell does this even work? This makes no sense at all, wtf? Lol
|
self.bipolar
|
I have an eating problem...and a...general lack of caring for myself? I have put on so much weight these past 5 years, basically since I moved to a dead-end town (and started on antidepressants which probably didn't help). I hate going outside because for most of the year the temperature is up in the 30s (celsius). I hate exercising because I'm lazy, have a back injury, chronic migraine, terrible posture, chronic fatigue, and...did I mention I'm lazy?
I also have very little concern for my appearance. I guess having 3 kids and a partner of 11 years will do that to you, plus I choose to never socialise so have no need to look good. But I've always been like this even before I withdrew from society. I literally do not give a shit how I look and it's a problem. I forget to shower, to brush my hair. I'm a sugar junkie and I hate healthy foods like vegetables (thanks shitty upbringing).
But I feel disgusted in myself. I feel like an elephant, I'm probably reaching up to the 90kg mark now but I'm honestly too scared to look at the scales. I feel sick all the time because of all the junk I eat.
I've tried exercise classes but they'd make me panicky because of the socialising, plus they killed my back. I've tried duromine (aka phentermine aka an anoretic) which helps suppress my appetite for a couple of days and then I end up eating twice as much after.
I don't know how to get the motivation to exercise or eat healthy. Unfortunately I inherited the 'I don't give a fuck' gene from my mentally ill mother and that is pretty much my view on everything including looking after myself. But I really want to change. I just don't know how. Therapy hasn't worked, seeing a nutritionist stopped me from drinking soda for a good 2 weeks, diets have worked for a week or two, but no matter what I always end up back where I started, impulsively binge-eating until I make myself sick.
Has anyone been in the same boat and managed to get out of it? How??
|
self.bipolar
|
Going nowhere Hi...
I'm a male. I'm 21. I live with my parents. I'm unemployed. I'm a virgin. I'm a stereotype.
I'm deeply unsatisfied with life. I have nowhere to go. I have nothing to push me, and nothing to reach for. I just want to go... I'm so tired.
This world demands so much. I can't do it. I feel like I need to scrape together every ounce of my energy just to reach the minimum.
I'm fortunate to have good parents who are accepting of my situation, but therein lies the problem as well. I've had such a comfortable, accommodated life. I've never been pushed or challenged. Not really.
I keep looking back at my life. Examining it. Feeling it. All the textures and flavors of the many seasons I've experienced. Experience is such a rich thing. My life is my own, no one has had a life the same as mine. And yet the end result doesn't change. I'm still here. Still blind and hopeless...
My mind is sick... I'm not whole... And... I have no one in my life that really sees me. I'm so alone. I don't think I can ever be well...
I just want to die... I mean... I don't, but I can't look into my future without sinking into hopelessness... Not because of my situation, but because of who I am... This person I've become can't handle what the real world is made of... I can't do it
I can't do it
I'm sorry for everything... For all of this. Nobody sees me
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Everyday I think about dying. I used to be more emotional, but these days all I think about is whether fighting for my life is even worth it.
There's no fear or hesitation. It feels like I have uncureable disease in my body that never goes away. Pain in my stomach sweating from stress and constant vertigo. People BS me about how I always have hopes in the future, but that's as unrealistic as stating god exists and cares about each one of us. Noone ever saw god before, there's no proof that god ever helped us.
I'm just… tired. Tired of living. Tired of believing in hope that someday things will be better in
which would likely never come.
|
self.depression
|
Crushing anxiety in my third year of university is stopping me from doing anything [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I have stopped seeing my mom and she now is stalking and harassing me and people I know I am almost 30 years old and have cut off most unndeeded contact with my mom as she is very combative and manipulative. I moved and did not tell my mom because she has the habit of flying in to see me unannounced and then demanding to stay for weeks “for my own good.” When she found out that I moved to my current city (she found out by stalking me via gps), she manipulated my brother and sister ( both in their mid 20’s) into moving into an apartment complex less than 5 miles away from where my boyfriend and I live (they previously lived on the opposite side of the country). She just got a job nearby and crashes at their place during the week when she’s working. She is planning on moving to my city once she sells the house. She calls all of this a coincidence. She found out where my boyfriend works and she knows that I know some of his coworkers. She will randomly show up at his work, question his coworkers about what I’ve been doing, get angry, start ranting to them about how much of a horrible daughter I am for not seeing her, and harasses them until they make her leave. I saw her driving on the same street as me one time and she got behind me in her car and followed me for miles until I ditched her at a light and took a detour. She tries to blackmail me into seeing her with information she has against me (she thinks she can call the cops and have me arrested for a broken apartment lease and not paying student loans on time, for example). My phone does not have the ability to block numbers and she constantly fills my inbox up with spiteful messages.
I don’t know what to do...I’m constantly paranoid and I don’t know what to do about her constant harassment. She always plays the victim card and how she’s my wonderful mother who took care of me and now I’m breaking her heart and making her cry all the time.
Any advice? Any similar situations? I feel bad for my bf too, he didn’t ask for any of this.
|
self.offmychest
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I feel empty and alone, i just want someone to talk to Ever since i was 12, ive had depression. After school one day, i told one of my friends that i was going to kill myself once i got home, which i had been planning for a couple days. she promised she wouldnt tell anyone, but when she got home she told her mum, whos friends with my mum. My friends mum texted my mum about it, and she started to beat me. My mum has this thing with reputation, so her having a suicidal daughter "hurt her reputation". Ever since then, i stopped talking to anyone about my problems. I would really like someone to talk to on here because no one knows who i really am.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Every notification I get on my phone is just false hope that someone actually cares about me.
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self.depression
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Trying to keep Positive for 2018 The past few years have been pretty shitty. I'm currently 20. Finished high school sort of excited for college, although it wasn't really the college I wanted to go to, it was just the cheaper option. Also wasn't 100% sure on being an art major, but cheap tuition, and I had worked very hard on a portfolio and thought why not?
Did a year of art school. Worst year. Amidst pointless projects, drunken angry professors and losing touch with all my high school friends it was not my best school year. Tried to keep my head high, the next year I would be in more classes for my intended material. That summer I scored an internship in the glass studio. It was bad, I just cleaned and grinded stuff for 8 hours day, no pay. Didn't learn much except I wanted to be nowhere near the school anymore.
Went back to my summer job for the rest of the year. Made great money, wasn't my favorite job, but I learned a lot from it. I left the job in the winter that would've been my sophmore fall semester. Janurary 2017 went to beauty school. Thought it'd be good to have a trade, was curious about what it was like to be a hair dresser. Really enjoyed the first two months, then had no teacher for the rest of the time. It was such a waste of money ($20K) I learned a lot from doing my clients in the school's salon, but I don't know if it was totally worth the price tag. I finished that up, excited to get my license and start cutting for real money. It's been three months since I graduated and still have no license. School lost paperwork, the state is being hella sluggish about it. I feel like I'm wasting so much time.
I liked art school in that I was always making stuff and had progress. I liked beauty school because I felt like I was helping people. Now I'm stuck in a shitty position at work because I can't cut anything I just sit at the desk wasting people's time. I have no motivation to make any art. I have no real life friends, a few online, but most of them have lost touch or don't respond anymore. I'm so lonely and scared, the thing keeping me going is I know everyone hits a point in their teens and 20s like this and it will pass, but in this moment it's very overwhelming. I'm afraid I'm wasting my parent's time by flip flopping. I try and look at going back to school but I have 0 clue what to even look at, and I don't wanna pick something just to pick it. Nothing seems to pull my interest, nothing makes me want to do anything anymore.
I don't know what happen to me, because I always had motivation in high school. Sometimes I think social media has put me down a lot. I see other people traveling and studying at the school of their dreams (or atleast they make it appear that way) and I'm stuck in the same shit town doing nothing. I picked up knitting a while ago, but I can't seem to hold focus for more then 10 minutes before I'm back clicking on the same 5 stupid links to look at facebook or youtube even though I KNOW nothing has popped up. No one has messaged me, no one cares. But there's a part of me praying desperately for someone to please notice me.
I joined a discord off the friends reddit and found some very kind souls, but I don't know them very well yet, and it terrifies me that in a week or two they'll just forget about me, I know this sounds so clingy but I haven't had a real friend in so long that the first person I meet I'll latch on to.
Well....that got off my chest. If anyone reads through this, thank you from a sad potato. I'm sorry if you're in a similar boat, here's hoping 2018 will be better for everyone!
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self.offmychest
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Lol my resting heart rate is 120 bpm My anxiety literally never stops. Sick of this shit.
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self.Anxiety
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Failure when you're depressed is extra heavy I'm in college currently.
Failing an exam.. It's.. excruciating.
I can't believe my mind immediately connects suicide with one failure, amidst so many successes.
I hate that it does this.
Yet, it still does.
I always have this thought in my head, that in a few months, I will die. No matter what, I cannot see past the next few months, maybe a year or two.
My parents are trying to get me to go into car driving school, family will pay for it, but I just can't go. I feel like it's useless.
I'm a dead-weight. Anything invested in me will yield no return what so ever, so I try to minimize their investment in me.
Debilitating pain.
Also, one thing worse than being alone when having depression.. is to have had a girlfriend, then have her break up with you, even though you loved her, and then you get to be reminded by your head about her for the rest of your life.
Fucking pathetic.
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self.depression
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How do you put yourself in a hospital? okay so I'm not in a good place, I get mixed episodes with psychosis & one may be coming on, I've lost control several times this week (made a post here about it yesterday) and I realize that something bad could happen if I lose control again and my husband isn't around to stop me.
The thing is, I've never been admitted to a hospital except for the time I attempted suicide, I don't want it to get to that point again for the sake of my family. So what do I do? I do not have a general practitioner that I see, my psychiatrist is out of town and my therapist is booked out until next month and won't see me on an emergency type basis.
Where do I go? What do I say? I live in the US, if that helps?
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self.bipolar
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I can't go back to therapy, and I won't pump my body full of chemicals. I'm.. fighting hard.. And I feel like I'm losing. I think therapy failed last time.. several years ago .. because I wasn't totally honest. I didn't tell my therapist how much I wanted to die. But I ended it with the therapist and I've gone the last several years without therapy or medication. It hasn't been easy, but I made it work. But this year.. has been full of trials. The suicide of a dear friend.. two more lost to drug overdoses (one was definitely accidental, the other.. We're not sure). And last night my S.O. of >3 years left me. I stopped seeing potential in myself, and then do did he, I guess. I haven't slept more than a few hours at a time for the last six weeks. Last night I couldn't sleep at all. Just 10 hours of ugly crying. I have to work today, to pretend I'm ok (though my boss has already approached me and identified that he knows I'm not ok right now). I'm in so much pain. I feel so lost. I'm so tired. I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve by coming to this forum. I suppose this is my cry for help. I guess I'm probably putting this here because I don't think you can help me. Maybe I just want someone to know why. My sister won't understand, and neither will her children. My roommate won't understand. But maybe you will understand why I had to. And maybe you won't hate me for it. Maybe..I just want someone to sing me to sleep. I'll be home at 8:30pm CST. I'll give my cat her meds and draft a letter for the animal rescue. Maybe someone could call me and sing to me..? I'll have everything prepared by 11pm CST. I'll be ready once I know my cats are safe.
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self.SuicideWatch
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