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It is all meaningless. Tomorrow I have to go to the job I hate to work for people i can't stand for a company that cares little less than shit about it's products. I feel physically sick when I think about my job. It isn't bad pay or horrible work conditions but it is morally questionable and pointless.
I can't just quit, if I quit my family would disown/throw me out and I am not stable enough at the moment to be able to go through a job application process. I have worked at my current place for far to long and have become part of the equipment.
I got out of a meaningless loveless relationship that lasted for 7 years, guess that kinda gave me perspective on how utterly futile life is. Also made the mistake to start talking with my ex after a mutual acquaintance guilt tripped me into it. Should never have done that.
If I wouldn't be such a fucking pussy I would have killed myself ages ago.
Every single fucking night I hope I don't wake up again.
Sorry for bad English.
Edit
Can't sleep, all I can think is that I want to die. Have to work up courage to go through with it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Inertia I'm male, mid-40s, single and can remember depressive episodes starting early in college. A lot of it is tied to being single this whole time and overweight most of the time. I know what needs to happen to get better: diet, activity, exercise, socialize etc. I do just about everything alone, like traveling, eating out. I am having a hard time improving myself and therefore my mood. I have plenty of time. Being around people has become more difficult. Seems like being annoyed or irritated is now a character trait. It would be great to get going, but I resign myself to sitting at home. I am on Prozac and that has lessened the highs and lows. It feels like laziness is the preferred trait. That has been the case most of my life. Any tips to force myself to do things when I really don't want to? I've been successful once or twice in the past two decades. This time around, for the past five years, I've been really lazy and stuck, almost complacent about it. Thanks
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self.depression
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Tonight was bad I feel so lonely, especially this time of year. I feel like no one understands me. They each see a small piece of me, but no one has the full picture. Tonight was the closest I’ve come to killing myself. I’m not going to do it but, for a moment, all I wanted was to die tonight. For the first time I thought specifically about how I would do it with what was readily available around me. I feel so alone. I’m gonna wake up in the morning but I know I need help going forward. I can’t keep living like this, there must be a better way. There has to be.
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self.depression
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Help me help a friend. hi, I'm not really sure if this is where I should find help, but I'm running out of options. My friend had what could possibly be his worst year ever. He lost his best friends( who now seemingly doesn't care about him anymore ) after he helped them hook up. and its been giving him depression. The feeling of being left out, not being cared for anymore, stuff like that. His parents knew about it, they had a fight and accused him of being gay. recently I've been trying my best to cheer him up. always trying to talk to him. give him games so he can stop thinking about them, but it isnt helping. Today He was supposed to meet up with his former best friend to clear things up, but the girl didnt show up for reasons i dont know about. That pushed him to the edge. We talked a while ago after that incident and he told me he's gonna end his life and he seems really serious about it. He lives far from me so I don't know what to do. He also already talked to me about suicide before, but Ive always been able to talk him out of it, but now seems to be different. I don't know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Who am I? What are my interests I don’t know who I am or who I was, is there anyone out there who is the same? Ever since I was younger I remember trying to assimilate with others, even now in highschool if I choose, I can become who ever I want to...almost like a personality disorder except I’m aware of what’s goin on. I don’t know my hobbies I don’t know what I like or dislike, it’s like my life is almost improvised..one day I want this or that. I want to know who I am because I want to be apart of something, but I’ve always been this outgoing freak who’s never had a group of friends to call hers. It’s kind of depressing, lately I haven’t wanted to go to school I just want to sleep, although I know a lot of people and a lot of people “love” me I’m actually kind of alone, like in my own world. Pls help
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self.depression
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going crazy from being alone with nothing to do. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Help with isolating What do you do to help when you start isolating yourself from friends? I'm on holiday from school at home with my family. I'm fortunate but unfortunate that I find my home life so comfortable and friendly (I'm close with my siblings and parents) that when faced with invites from friends I can't picture how it'll be fun because it's not what I'd be doing with my family... I'm not sure if that makes sense. As a family we do quite a lot together.
I'm really finding it hard to see the fun in seeing friends but at the same time it doesn't feel healthy not seeing them and how I'm ignoring them. I've slipped into a bit of a hole where everything seems pointless and useless. I'm staying up until the early hours of the morning, doing nothing, not bathing myself (or struggling to) and generally feeling depressed.
I don't know what to expect. I'm on 10mg of Lexamil/Lexapro. It's my fourth month on it and I thought things would be different. My mood is much more stable, I am overall much better off, but I feel like I was using depression as a cover for my boring personality. Now that I'm not so much depressed, I'm realising how much of a shitty person I've been. How it's just me. There's nothing to blame anymore. It's really getting to me and putting me in a similar place to where I was almost a year ago.
This is kind of a mess...
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self.depression
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I can’t stand the “doggo does a snooze” and “pupperino doing an awoo” stuff. The pictures are adorable. The captions ruin it.
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self.offmychest
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Bipolar Rage I have bipolar rages a lot anything can set me off one single suggestion.
How do you deal with this? What makes you calm and is there any way I can not make this happen often?
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self.bipolar
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It's 10 minutes past midnight and all I want is to die. I don't know why I'm posting this here. I guess I just need to let it out.
There's not even anything to be so sad about in my life. The big picture is good, it's just the little details that make me want to take my own life. My stepdad molested me when I was 15, my mom literally doesn't give a single fuck. She even sexualises me herself. She wanted me to be in a relationship with a 28 year old man when I was 16. She told me to be nice to her boss who kept asking to hold my hand in public, because we would get more money if I was nice. I never go out, because every neighbor around me that catches me makes inappropriate comments and just stares. I see women being sexualised everywhere I go and it makes me feel so small. I am more than my body. I am more than my skin.
I have no friends and I never go out. I don't have a problem with it, it just gets lonely from time to time. After a while it gets exhausting when you are stuck with yourself in your head all the time. I don't want friends or a hobby as a temporary fix, I want to be okay with myself.
I have social anxiety, but that's not an actual thing in Germany. Everyone just thinks that I am weird. I cannot deal with people in real life, not even my own family. The people I've ever been comfortable with were my ex-boyfriends; because I chose them myself. I'm getting judged for everything I do; even by the person who considers me her "best friend", when we don't even talk about each other's lives.
I couldn't get my second (better) degree in school, because I couldn't handle the people. I feel like I am not a part of this world anywhere I go.
My existence is exhausting and pointless. I don't want to be here anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My friend's make fun of me for needing xanax I got prescribed xanax for my panic attacks and my friends have been making fun of me for it. My girlfriend doesn't seem to give a fuck about trying to help me through my anxiety so that's nice.
I don't want to die, but sometimes I feel like it may actually be really nice to
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self.Anxiety
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I think I belong here. I've never been suicidal. I haven't had any noticeable problems sleeping. I've never self-harmed or self-medicated or anything like that. Even now, reading over some of the things that people have said and wrote and thought, I find myself not wanting to post this. What even are my problems, in the face of someone who spends most of their day in bed or who regularly considers hurting themselves?
I'm having one of two kinds of days, that seem to be regular occurrences ever since a couple of years ago. Most of the time, it's just nothing. Things are okay. I juggle my bills, I say hi to my coworkers, I walk circles around a parking lot for just enough money to live. I've been writing, trying to publish stuff online, get more eyes on it than my own.
Today, however, is different. Today, nothing is all right. I look around, and my room is a mess. My beard is uneven. My teeth are broken and I feel every jagged edge. My car's inspection expired eight months ago, and it's still in no condition to be renewed. I'm 27 years old, stuck in a dead-end job that won't pay for anything more than bare subsistence, never had a girlfriend, and I'm living in a tiny room in a share-house, after getting kicked out of my old apartment because I couldn't even take care of *myself,* let alone other people's cats.
I've thought about missing a turn, on the way home from work, and driving until I run out of gas. I've thought of being tied down and helpless. I've had to leave family gatherings and stand out in the dark because I couldn't summon up the strength to talk to people, anymore. I've had to leave bars and parties, after standing around for hours, *waiting* for someone to notice me. My phone is full of people I've met online, half of whom I've just... stopped talking to.
And the worst part of it is, I know that tomorrow, everything's going to be fine, again. Tomorrow, I'll get up and just be passively okay with everything. I'll keep going to that job I said I'd leave, years ago. I'll keep making half-overtures to dating site women online, and wonder why nobody's talking back. Today, I'm desperate for *somebody* to talk to. Tomorrow, I'll go right back to avoiding anyone who doesn't come to me. And even though I keep telling myself I'll come clean and say something to someone who can actually help, I know I won't. I can't. Even admitting it to reddit on a half-throwaway hurts.
I guess that's all I really have to say. Better to shout into the empty void of the internet than to internalize it, right?
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self.depression
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What kind of drugs do I need to kill myself and how/where to get them? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Please...I need help I Just sharpened my knife and I'm ready to slice my wrist open... please anyone... Can someone talk to me
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self.SuicideWatch
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How did you know when meds and/or therapy were making a difference? [deleted]
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self.depression
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My best friend of 10 years talked about herself non-stop my whole birthday dinner My aunt and uncle, brother and mom were there. My mom spent a long time preparing dinner and decorating. My best friend and I had spent the day together, and she even bought me breakfast and an expensive haircut. I invited her to come to this dinner and she shows up after the gym in these leggings and small cropped tank top and see through sweater which kind of made me uncomfortable but I didn't think much of it.
We all start eating dinner... and someone asks about my friends tattoo after she casually brings it up in conversation. She takes off her jacket and shows everyone. She just got this tattoo a few days ago and delves into the meaning behind it and recites the verse in the bible it refers to. All good... but then she keeps talking about the struggles in her life that brought her to get it. She talks about her depression, her anxiety, bulemia, body dismorphia, dad issues, her sexual harassment she'd endured through high school, self-harm--pretty much every issue under the sun, that she has previously shared in social media posts as a sort of reflection/learning to self love type thing. This goes on for about an hour with my family intently listening and I feel pretty uncomfortable.
She starts sharing very intense things all of a sudden... that she's had psychotic episodes as a result of extreme sleep deprivation. Things I didn't know about. I start getting angry because here she is talking very calmly at my aunt and uncle about all these issues while they exchange glances at each other, and I try multiple times to restart the pleasant banter as before but she just keeps talking.
Finally, the conversation shifts but she still says awkward things. Like for example, we comment on the cats and she says, yeah I'm so allergic and plunges into an anecdote about how she was resting her head on my lap and I was stroking her hair and she felt sniffley and realized I was covered in cat hair. Very unecessary info that my family probably didn't care to hear. Then someone starts telling a story and she goes on her phone/ stands up and starts doing her hair in the hallway mirror??? Just very socially inappropriate things.
She has always been a good friend but lately she has been talking about herself in this seemingly very open and raw way to groups and strangers or social media, and fake and disinterested one on one. Obviously I sympathize with her issues, but it was too much information at the wrong time. I didn't realize it was that bad until tonight. I'm so frustrated. We are 21 and she acts like a self absorbed 13 year old.
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self.offmychest
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What normally happens in your mania? Hi,
I was just wondering what mania feels like to you and what you do in the episode. No other reason except interest.
Thanks
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self.bipolar
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What I really want I'm married to a wonderful woman. But I crave to to be lying next to someone else in a rooftop apartment in a busy city, rain gushing down outside, smoking cigarettes and not caring about a God damn thing.
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self.offmychest
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bed, bed, bed. after i do anything i need to go back to bed. i'm exhausted and i know that if i keep telling people the way i feel they'll stop talking to me because who wants to talk to the mess i am anyway????
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self.depression
|
I failed and it felt kind of good? So I'm in med school and I finally failed my first test.
I'd been sort of close before but this one was spectacular. Well below my average performance for this type of knowledge. I wasn't thinking clearly at all while taking it, panicking, and couldn't remember really basic stuff which seemed obvious walking in to and even walking out of this exam. No clue why I couldn't just calm down and think straight but there we go, some negative consequences of the way I process things finally happened like I'd been dreading and waiting for.
Anyway. I got the notification that I failed and will have to remediate and it felt awful. I called my parents and girlfriend, watched a movie, called my girlfriend again, and cried for the first time since I was a little kid.
I feel sort of unstuck, like the numbness of the past couple months has finally gone away and I'm really living in my body, really experiencing this situation. Can anyone relate to this?
Also- any advice on how to use a failure as a turning point rather than another ignored reminder to get myself together?
Current plan is just to study my ass off and do ok on this remediation exam I have to do, if I fail they'll make me repeat the entire year. I am comfortable with my knowledge and will work hard, but I want this to be a turning point for me in terms of maturity and dealing with my paranoia, worst-case speculation, self isolation, and procrastination. I need to grow from this and I need help on how to make sure I do that.
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self.Anxiety
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i dont know what to do anymore other than die [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Nothing matters to me anymore Now before I start this off I'd like to say: I've never been diagnosed with depression or any other mental illness. I AM seeing a psychologist because I have a very low self-esteem which makes it difficult for me to function in normal society.
So recently I got fired at my internship. I am a biomedical research student and I'm in my 3rd year of a 4-year degree. I got fired because I needed more help with experiments and interpreting results than was expected from someone of my level. Now I feel like a complete failure. I sit at home all day doing jack-shit and I feel isolated from everyone. I have a boyfriend and like 1 or 2 friends but I don't feel connected with anyone. I don't want to be a burden to people by constantly telling them I feel awful, but I really just don't feel good. I feel like my entire future just collapsed. And the worst thing is that when I tell someone I expect them to help me. I expect other people to have all the answers for me because I can't seem to do it on my own. But no one has any answers for me. "It's gonna be alright", and, "you'll get through this, you're strong", are the most common things I hear. And I can't expect people to have the answers. It's my life and I gotta figure it out for myself. But how can I figure my life out when I cant even get out of bed in the morning?
I don't wanna die. I just wanna fast forward a bit and wake up in 10 years when everything has fallen into its place.
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self.depression
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I'm done with life. Maybe I'll just kill myself today. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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After 18 years I came out to my Dad about some shady things that happened to me when I was younger. I'm in my upper 20s and this happened when I was 11 or so,can't remember the exact age. It was me and my cousin and "step grandma" who is younger than my mom,and I just remember we were on the verge of puberty (me and my cousin). Me and my Dad were having a conversation about how we hope they don't want to get together for thanksgiving because they're just immoral terrible people and have done so many people wrong,family included. They're all about money and couldn't ever give a shit about keeping a real genuine relationship with family when it's ll said and done. (It's my Mom's father btw ,the grandpa I'm talking about). For example,when I was a kid,me and my brother and parents didn't have much at the time. We got by because my parents worked their asses off and did whatever they had to do to provide for us. My Dad did some work for my Papaw (yeah I'm from the south lol) with the promise that we could keep our acre with our singlewide trailer for a guaranteed place to live and call our own for the time being. Turned out taking m Papaw's word was a mistake. Once the work was done,he acted like there was never an agreement and gave us a couple months notice and kicked us out. He done that type of shit all the time to multiple people that took him for his word. He's a piece of shit. My parents made sure we had a place to go though,they did what they had to do. They worked their asses off til eventually years later we were comfortable and bought a house and we had some things. Not much,but I'm very grateful for what we did have and what they did to give me and my brother the best childhood they possibly could. They're amazing people,perfect in my eyes. Anyway,figured I'd provide a little context.
Just about an hour ago I was talking to my Dad and they came up in the convo and for some reason I just blurted out the thing this post is about. I told him about a time me and my cousin were staying the night and my "step grandma" (idk what to refer to her as because it's so weird to me that she was so young) brought up playing strip poker with me and my cousin. I think we were playing Go Fish when she brought up the idea. I felt a very weird vibe like this wasn't right. I thought she was joking at first and had a hard time understanding what was really going on. This was the first time anything weird like this had happened ever in all the weekends I'd spent staying the night over there. My Papaw wasn't there at the time,though looking back in hindsight he's a perverted piece of shit also,for reasons I won't get into now to avoid wasting time and to stay on topic.
(It could have been strip Go fish? I can't really recall) I thought it was a joke until (lets call her Angie) lost a hand and started taking her shirt off. I could tell then she was serious and that if I or my cousin had lost a hand,We'd be expected to undress also. Before she could get her shirt off I just kind of freaked out saying "nah nah nah I dont wanna do this" and sarted to leave the room. She looked at me like...I can't really explain the look. A worried kinda look like "oh shit he might tell somebody because he sees and senses this is wrong"...the best way I can describe it. She was somebody I trusted,somebody I expected to look out for me. And it really mainly in hindsight fucks me up because I didn't really understand it at the time. Now that I'm older I can see the intentions and direction things would have gone had I not spoke up and been lucky enough for it to have ended there. I have this deep resentment for her that makes me sick to my stomach. A part of me fantasizes about wringing her neck until her eyes bulge from her sockets for being such a sick f***. I'd never do it of course. It just messes with me on a reaally deep level.
To be clear,my parents had no reason to think I would be put in that situation by allowing me to spend the night over there.
Anyway the reason for this post,I just told my Dad about it. I had no idea it would bring feelings to the surface. Rage,amplied my already bad anxiety,anger,resentment I puked not long after and have been shaking. A big part of me regrets bringing it up because nothing really came of it after I shut it down and I feel like I probably made him feel like he failed me somehow as a parent by me having been in that situation. I feel like it was unnecessary and should have kept it bottled up because I feel the stress and hurt wasn't necessary. I told my girlfriend and brother about it and feel I should have kept it at that. My Mom and Dad are amazing people and parents that would do anything to protect us. I'm having a very hard time dealing with having told him.
A big takeaway I've got from this is,because as mild as my situation was that makes me feel as shit as I feel,I can't imagine the pain and suffering others must feel that go through full on actual abuse. To anyone out there that's reading this that are dealing with something like that,my heart goes out to you and I hope you find the help you need and DESERVE. You have value and fuck those that violated you and caused you live with the shit you've been dealing with just because they're sick fucking perverts took a huge part of you and replaced it with this monster you have to battle with every day of your life. Sorry, I got a little carried away but my heart sincerely goes out to you all.
It's weird,Telling my Dad that brought this to the surface and released what I had bottled up and made me feel it..the violation and things I have to work through now..It's gotta be for the best.
Thanks for reading.
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self.offmychest
|
ugh I'm going for my 3rd ECT treatment this afternoon. I know just like everything else, ECT takes some time before youll notice any improvements, but idk, i just want it to work already.
I was in a manic episode for about a month up until like a week and a half ago. Now i'm depressed again.
I just want this to end.
When does this ever get easier?
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self.bipolar
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Who else is wondering what the hell happened to their brain? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I’m depressed for many reasons (mental illness, trauma) but my dating life has probably affected me the most [deleted]
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self.depression
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I can't stop lying and manipulating. I can't stop.
I loose controll each time i get a panic anxiety attack, wich is almost in all contact with other human beings.
I just start lying and trying to manipulate people into either feeling sorry for be or to make myself out as a better and more interesting human being. Because of my behavior I have lost contact with just about all my friends and my girlfriend decided that she didn't want contact with me anymore.
I just feel like such a waste of a human being and I feel like I would do the world a favor if i just killed myselfe.
I can also add that I dropped out of school because of severe depression and anxiety attacks and I have no job either.
What can I do to stop lying?
I don't want to live like this anymore.
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self.depression
|
Am I being sexually harassed? BP2, and in a fit of hypomania, 2 years ago I sent nudes to an internet "friend". My boyfriend found out, which prompted treatment, and I have now been stable (mostly) for a year and a half, with no more sparks of mania or hypersexuality.
Today , the guy I sent pics to is threatening to post my private photos online, saying I need to be his friend and he wants to buy more pictures. I told him i don't do that anymore, and he isn't having it. I've asked him multiple times to respect my decisions and to not post the images, but he isn't having it.
What do i do? Do I tell my boyfriend? (He's still hurt from the incident 2 years ago and hasn't fully forgiven me) Do I report it somehow? Help!
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self.bipolar
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Major depression and mental fog Anyone else have to think extra hard for simple things? Especially with video games, you just play them with the same attitude of "idgaf about anything. How can I change this feeling?
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self.depression
|
I'm really worried about my little brother. He's mean, selfish, and lacks self-control.
He's nearsighted, and doesn't ever seem to think about how a rash decision could affect his life before going through with it.
He hangs out with gangsters, smokes, and let's people take advantage of him.
He tries so hard to be 'hard' even though he's the most marshmallow kid you could find.
He desperately wants to fit in, but it's usually with the wrong kind of crowd.
He doesn't have a vision for himself, and hates to talk about the future.
He doesn't read--at all--which I think has impeded the development of his empathy.
He doesn't even wash his face, comb his hair, or clip his nails unless we beg him to.
He's on the verge of going back to juvie.
I'm afraid he'll be put away for so long next time that mom will die while he's inside, because her health's not good and the last time he got incarcerated, it made her even worse. She nearly had a stroke. She cried all the time. I couldn't get her out of the house unless it was visitation day, and then we'd sit in front of the detention facility in our car for hours after visiting hours had ended while she tried to pull herself together.
I'm afraid that one day, he's going to be my responsibility, and I won't know what to do...because on the one hand, I really want to make my career and certainly don't need a selfish punk holding me back, but on the other...
He's my brother.
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self.offmychest
|
As a foreveralone virgin, I made a breakthrough: the best option is to kill myself and be done with it. As a foreveralone virgin in 30s, I don't intend to be a wizard (as some say it here on Reddit). I realize that everyone around me not only has had an experience in the pleasures of life, but they have people around them that support as well as girlfriend/wife. My breakthrough comes is thinking logically: killing myself will end this existence that has no meaning. The best of this is that I know exactly what I need to do, and do it quickly. These holidays made me realize that after living for so much long, hope dies away of things changing. Please keep up the good work, I am just waiting for the right time to do this when no one is around.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm a broken useless transwoman. I don't deserve this life. Do you ever feel worthless? Used? Full of pain both emotional and physical? I sure do.
It isn't fun to wake up everyday and think, " I hate everything about my life. " I don't understand the bullshit my life continues to give me. Chronic pain from fibromyalgia that never fucking ends. I spend every moment in shitty pain. I have tried everything for it. Im still stuck with it. Im stuck with my body being soo fucking wrong. Im a transgender woman: I don't want to a fucking trans woman. I just want to be a woman. I will never be able to be a woman. My life is so fucking hopeless I haven't had hope in many many years. No one wants to date me. People love to use me for sex. They get a kick out of flirting with me and when I ask to go on a date they turn hateful and mean. Other times I get people say we can hang out at my place where no one will see me with you. They think it is nice of them to do and say that... Dating is fucking awful...
I tried everything. now I just wanna be done with life. I don't have a will to live. I don't feel a reason to be alive. I have had people say wow you are so amazing. You are a great person to look up too. I get people who make fun of me all the time. Im beyond ugly. I have recurring dreams that Im going to get beat to death. I had a guy who I thought was safe bruise the hell out of my chest. im not okay...
I would love a life that isn't so full of pain and hurt. I would love if i could end my life right now. I don't want my life... Im sorry people
Serena.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Stuck I feel stuck on a loop. High then mixed then low then mixed then high, permutations may vary but within the confines of being controlled by the mood state at the time. When it gets really low, like it has now, it isn't the irrational thoughts getting me down, it is the facts that are so difficult to face. Little revelations like how I can't delude myself into thinking this won't ever happen again, and how since my depression tends to be a longer state of being, it is basically what I abandon for bursts of flight and then return to, shattered. That I will always return to feeling this futile. I cannot escape this plummet because I will always end up here. To try again till I fail to fly and sink again.
It will get better, sure. But then it will get worse again. and so on. And so forth. And I have nothing to blame. No one to hold this against. I don't know if there is any liberation that would even feel real.
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self.bipolar
|
All This Logan Paul Outrage Is Bullshit Why does so much of this Logan Paul outrage feel so performative? I've watched plenty of these youtube rants on the whole "suicide forest" incident, and it seems more like a bunch of people just trying to come off like they're *the most* outraged.
It's just the usual internet virtue signalling bullshit. People climbing over themselves to dogpile on someone who did something stupid and they make sure all their followers know what good people they are for being against it.
Hell, half the people I've seen acting like "Oh I'd never do such a thing" have done stuff just as bad, or worse, than Logan Paul but because the whole internet outrage machine works in cycles and it's not "their turn", everyone's happy to just eat up that sweet, sweet outrage porn.
Most of the youtubers with millions of followers are equally awful human beings. Is Logan Paul really any worse than the hundreds of parents who exploit their kids on those "family vlogs" and "Lil Timmy reviews toys" channels for millions of dollars? Is he any worse than Scarce or Keemstar, who are basically just glorified internet paparazzi?
Is he any worse than Tana Mongeau, Lele Pons, Ricegum, or Pewdiepie? *Shit* no.
They're all the same kind of manipulative parasite he is, it just so happens that he and his brother are better at it than they are and I bet they know it. I bet that shit *eats them up inside*. They don't condemn his behavior because they disagree with what he did, they condemn his behavior because they're pissed off that they didn't think to do it first.
What nobody seems to want to admit is that Logan and Jake Paul are honestly no worse than most vloggers, they just happened to have a knack for branding and happened to come up at the exact right time to take the entire medium by storm.
I've seen about a half-dozen different "the Paul brothers give youtubers a bad name" videos, but it's bullshit. Fuck that. *Youtubers* give youtubers a bad name. The whole community is essentially just a reality TV show version of high school.
Most of the really successful people on there are essentially the kind of personality that typically peaks in high school, except now they've found a way to stay in arrested development and, instead of joining the adult world, get rich by appealing to high school kids while they themselves age into their twenties and thirties.
Just... fuck off with the fake outrage bullshit. Drop it. Logan Paul could've mimed eiffel towering the corpse with his cameraman and you know what? The reaction wouldn't have been any different:
People would have been disgusted for about a minute, they'd go front online about how (being the good and decent human beings they are) they had their whole day fucked up by Logan Paul, and then they'd be over it shortly after and go on with their day like nothing happened. He'll go on being rich and famous, he'll go on pulling in millions of views every video from the nine-year-olds who watch his stuff, and not a thing will change. Youtube won't do anything to him because of the traffic he brings in, no matter how many people grandstand about how "youtube needs to make a stand" and people will forget all about it once the next stupid controversy comes up.
As much as people wish they were influencers and tastemakers, they actually *can't* end the career of someone they don't like just because they say that he's "cancelled" loud enough. They're essentially just shouting into a loud, empty, echoing void, looking for backpats.
Shit just pisses me off.
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self.offmychest
|
Venting my thoughts. I'm not quite sure what to post. I made an account just so that I could. I've been lurking Reddit for a while now, then came across this subreddit. It seems like the perfect place for me to say the things on my mind, but I'm just as anxious here as I am in real life. No matter how much I try to change my thinking, my thoughts snowball into anxiety, depression, then to some suicidal thoughts. It's like flipping a switch - death is as reasonable as living, and equally as logical. I start to wonder if I am wrong about that thought process, or if everything is just about perspectives.
Then, I start to freeze. I put my whole life on hold for thoughts that no one else would care about. Family, friends, girlfriend - they brush it off and tell me I'm ridiculous. I try to focus on work and business, but I get stressed out. It feels like being flooded with everything, all at the same time. It's as if the world feels like it's against you and no one cares enough about what you're dealing with. I try to look for friends that don't exist, a girlfriend I love that don't reciprocate it back, and seeking comfort from family that gives me the cold shoulder.
I'm not sure of what to think anymore. I step back from it all so I could get a bit of sense of what I'm going through. A part of me tells me it could all be solved so easily, but here I am, still sad. I'm just sad, perhaps a bit lonely as well, and finding someone to talk to without a superficial conversation is difficult. As I enter my 30's, I'm scared that I'll be like this for the rest of my life. I don't love myself enough to change what's wrong with my life. I'm not sure if I'm seeking for help either with this post, but it's nice to know that someone here could at least know what I'm going through. The thought alone is enough for me.
Thanks for reading, and sorry for the disorganized thoughts.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Therapy: How much is on you? I find myself leaving therapy a lot of the time thinking either "I don't know what we just spent the whole session talking about" or "I wish we hadn't spent all session talking about XYZ which is inconsequential and focused on concrete skills." In therapy, how much of it is on me to tell the T what I should be working on?
I haven't really gotten anywhere in (CBT) therapy in the 2 years I have been going. My T and I seem to spend a lot of time talking about my issues. I am thinking maybe it is my fault this has happened. Should I be coming into therapy and saying "I need to work on this or that"? It's just that many times I don't realize what I should be working on or what changes I should be making because my anxiety and depression are so crippling that I can't see beyond them to what needs to be done.
Sometimes we make an agenda for what we will do in session, but I end up talking so much about #1 or #2 on the list without realizing how much time has gone by so we never get to important things like reviewing skills to use. I try to keep what I say short so we can get to going over behavioral changes I can make, but I still talk too much about something like my past week or an argument with a friend.
|
self.Anxiety
|
In late 2013, a lady in downtown Olympia hugged me when I found out my wife committed suicide My wife was on the east coast and she killed herself. I was dealing with the aftermath on the phone and you overheard me talking. We were standing outside the elk building apartments when you overheard.
I planned on also killing myself when I went back upstairs to my apartment. You asked me for permission to hug me.
Because of that, I didn't kill myself. Just one small positive emotion derailed the bullet train of emotional darkness I was experiencing at the time.
My life is amazing again... And I just wish I could thank you properly. Hugs are the one gift that is not rude to give back.
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self.offmychest
|
It’s new years eve and instead of feeling happy I wish I was dead I feel so alone. I’ve wasted my teenage years. Never been kissed, never gone to a party, drank, or any other milestones that are supposed to make your teenage years something you’ll look back on fondly forever.
Here’s hoping for a new year, new me. Cheers
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self.depression
|
Public speaking. So... it’s 4:46 am and I haven’t slept yet because I’m dreading a speech I have to give in my Effective Speaking class next week.
I have major anxiety and like most people, an intense fear of public presentations.
I have always tried getting out of it - like finding an alternative by asking the professor if I can present to them after class, or not giving a speech at all.
Unfortunately, I can’t escape it this time because this class is mandatory and I can’t drop it since I’m graduating in the spring.
I have already given one speech to my professor, and she let me do it in her office because I told her I have anxiety and it was the first speech of the semester - however, I will have to give the other speeches in front of the class.
Do you guys have any advice on how I can make it easier for myself?
My speech will be next week and it must be 5 minutes long. I got a good grade on my last speech, but I still slipped up and stuttered, and also spoke too quickly.
I am finishing up the outline, and I am wondering if a week and a few days (the speech will be on Wednesday or Friday next week) will be enough time to practice.
I apologize for the long post, but I’m seriously struggling and any and all advice would be appreciated.
TL;DR: Have anxiety/fear of public speaking. Have to take a public speaking class and can’t get out of it. Need to give a 5 minute speech next week and would like advice on how to make it, and the class overall, easier for myself so my anxiety doesn’t drive me insane.
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self.Anxiety
|
I could use some support, not doing well I woke up at 1am this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. I've felt cracked out all day which was why I didn't drive 1.5 hours into the office. I tried to nap this afternoon and got no sleep. I have to go into the office tomorrow though. No choice, I have to do it.
My dad contacted me again and I couldn't take it. I finally told him how I felt and he came back to me with excuse after excuse and didn't own up to anything he has done wrong.
I've only gotten a couple nights of sleep since my 8 day streak of no sleep. I'm worried I'm back on the no sleep train.
I'm going to a conference next week in Florida for 6 days. It is the first time I've gone to a conference since my onset. My calendar is already filled with 3 nights of networking where everyone drinks. I have to go to these. I'm sure I won't have one night I don't have to go out. I really hope I can sleep during the conference.
I also don't know that I have anything to wear now that I've gained weight. My professional clothes are all for when I was at least 10-20 pounds lighter and those were my big ones.
I feel like I have no support right now.
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self.bipolar
|
Fear of not being good enough Episode 2: Constant need for external love
In our first post we covered one of the major reasons for our fear of not being good enough. The bottom line of the first post was that this fear mainly stems form our need for love and connection from others around us.
In this post we’ll look into the major impact of constantly depending on others love and acceptance.
We mentioned previously that as humans the first and the most important emotion we all need is love. Love nurtures our souls and helps us grow as humans.
One of the metaphors I use to explain this is the table metaphor. Think of your life as a table that stands on four wooden legs. These four legs are the sources of love that keep you emotionally and mentally stable, happy, and passionate. Now, think of these four wooden legs as the individuals or the people who give you love. Those could be your partner, children, family members, friends, etc..
The love that you get from those people gives you emotional fuel and energy for life. That’s all good, now the issue is that as amazing as these sources of love are, they are all external. That means you don’t have control over them all the time. There’s always a possibility that one or more of these sources goes away for one reason or another. In other words these people and their love to you is not permanent.
For example, if you and your partner breakup, you’ll end up with a wobbly table that is unable to hold itself until you get a new one who does the fourth leg job for you. But what happens to you and your life during that time, do you put your mental and emotional health and wellness on hold until you get a new external source of love? what if that takes some time?
This is why we need a fifth marble leg that holds the table stable and steady from the center. This fifth leg is our love, acceptance , and appreciation to ourselves. This is the only leg that you need to have no matter what. You are the only person that you could never let go and should never let down.
Please understand that this isn’t an invitation to be a self centered or narcissistic person. But this is definitely an invitation to develop a healthy self loving muscle that keeps you strong and fulfilled. When you’re capable of loving, accepting, and forgiving yourself no matter what, you’ll have the emotional energy to love, accept, and forgive others. When your cup is full of love to yourself, you could give more to others.
Again this is not to suggest that you don’t want anybody else’s love, but you don’t need it to survive. If people go away from your life (temporary or permanently), you don’t get lost and start to question everything. The absence of external love doesn’t mean emotional death to you. You don’t lose your sense of identity over it. You’re emotionally self sustained and your deep and genuine love for yourself and for the kind o person you are is the cemented conviction that holds you in place even against life’s most deadly storms.
The next post you will discover the emotional imprint that you you’ve developed long time ago and how it could keep you stuck in the ‘not enough’ game and hold you back from loving and accepting yourself.
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self.Anxiety
|
Assistance programs through drug companies? Hi all,
I was wondering if anyone has applied for free medication through a patient assistant program by a drug company?
I was doing really well on Vraylar until I found out that I couldn't use their coupon with my insurance anymore (I get it through my dad, he's a federal employee). Since then, nothing has worked. My copay for Vraylar is $300 and I only make $1000 a month.
Any advice would be appreciated.
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self.bipolar
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I think I'm going schitzo after witnessing a terror attack and I don't know what to do [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
He's still angry and I just don't know what to do A few years back I made a strange friend, I'll refer to him as Eric but this is not his actual name. He was awkward and unsure of himself, and the reason I met him was because I knew someone who he had been friends with way back in like middle school, I'll call this person Mark. I didn't think much of it at the time and added him to a Skype chat with some of my friends and Mark, who he was trying to reconnect with. I realized quickly that all was not well. Mark had not been in contact with Eric for years and according to him Eric had basically been attempting to stalk him for years. Eric denied this and with no evidence to back either side I remained friends with them both. Neither knew that of course. All of my other friends sided with Mark any time the situation was mentioned. I began to talk with Eric quite a bit. It took a while, but after finding out he was gay I had the courage to discuss my own sexuality with him. Almost nobody knows that I am bisexual, not even my own family, but I felt I could trust him. He was elated to my coming out and our friendship slowly turned into a relationship. I felt really really horrible about it though as time went on. I realized that I was mainly with him simply because I wanted to date someone, not because I actually felt attracted to him, and I broke it off a few weeks after that. This didn't change much though, he still wanted to be friends with me and I was afraid to make him upset because I felt like I wronged him, I probably did and I still feel that way, but after a while I felt that I had to. I just didn't want to hang out with him. I just didn't want to be his friend. It was a culmination of things really. My friends all disliked him, even one neutral friend of mine who met Eric was later described by Eric as an unlikeable weirdo. I started to think about all the times that Eric pressed me to send him erotic pictures, even while we weren't dating, and how uncomfortable that made me. It made me reconsider the times that Mark told me about the sexual things Eric would request of him. This is of note because Mark is completely straight. Eric and I fought, and I told him I wanted to cease contact with each other. It went as well as anyone can guess. After begging me to take him back as a boyfriend I refused. He was brokenhearted and I felt awful and unsure of myself. He continued to send me messages so I blocked him. His bargaining eventually turned to anger. Through another person that knew the both of us he would ask them to tell me things. Once Eric asked them to ask me for some money that he thought I owed him. The money was for tickets to a show I couldn't make. I don't think I owe him anything but every time I think about it I am reminded of Eric. He is out there somewhere just hating me. I feel sick. I feel like it's my fault, but at the same time I don't. Not many people hate me, and this is definitely the only time I feel at fault for that. I just don't know if I did the right thing. I wish I never would have met Eric. We both would have been so much happier.
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self.offmychest
|
I seeked help today and I wonder what will happen now (This is a new account because some people know my user name)
I think I have depression and had it for a few years now. I am constantly tired, I've gained weight, I've isolated myself from friends and family, I'm not performing at work, etc. For the past two years, I've been self-medicating with cannabis every day, up to one gram a day.
Today, I called a help line. I was listened to and given a list of ressources. I'm scared of what will happen next. Will someone actually be able to help me? Able to relate to me? I have asked for an appointment with a psychologist specialized in depression, addiction and anxiety. I also intend to call the help line again when I need to.
Will I have to tell my family and friends? What will happen to me if my life doesn't improve dramatically soon? I'm not sure I can do it, but to be honest, doing nothing and doing something are equally very frightening to me. Is this the bottom of the barrel? When you can no longer pretend everything's fine and you're scared out of your mind.
I hope things improve.
EDIT: spelling
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self.depression
|
Jumping off a bridge in a few hours In my late 20s. I’ve failed too many times to launch myself into adulthood, it’s a continuous cycle and I’m tired. I’m hungry, can’t pay rent today and even if I could it’d be another cycle of failing. I hope whatever is out there in the afterlife is merciful
**edit:
Thank you for all the comments, I haven’t felt this much warmth in awhile and never knew I could get them from strangers online. I stopped by the bridge earlier today and now sitting in my car a mile away and I’ve lost the nerve probably partly through lack of courage but i think partly more your comments and perspectives as well.
Everyone seems to have gone through a lot themselves and some continually, I honestly don’t know at what point I should suck it up and be grateful and at what point I should cut myself some slack. I’m sure it’s somewhere in between. Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement it is very humbling.
I want to say much more about this and reply more, right now though I have a throbbing headache and need to think about the next steps. I need to face the music and I don’t know what’s going to come
Thank you for shaking me up with your kind words and perspectives, enough to see the next day
edit2: I’m still very appreciative of all your comments and as I’m going on I’m continually thinking about what happened here. Thank you so much.
Here are parts of my note that I’m embarrassed now partly incoherent and partly narcissistic but I hope will shed some light for whoever:
—
It didn’t work. All the factors in my life added up to not work with my particular situation, genetics, epigenetics, pride, neuroticism, lack of consistent social skills, inability to trust, laziness in right action, busy work, lack of emotional health, indulgence, lack of stability through relationships, family, and friends, delusional ambitious visions without the prerequisite steps, narcissism. All of this has contributed to my failure ...
...I can’t say I’m not mad. But I get it. It happened. I lost and some people won...on the other hand you had these thinking big schemes and fucked it up. Now you continuously went for broke without even the bare resources in managing life and now you don’t get to experience life any more. Oh well...
...As for society and humanity, I’m sorry. I’ve failed you in doing my part no matter how small. I’m sorry for the sting of a suicide in your midst. I hope you find more wins collectively in scale than I have personally.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I just want to ramble some It's been awhile since I've been here. I just want to say that I feel.... Sad and moody and indecisive.
I quit my part time job over the summer and started online community college classes (full time). I'm also a stay at home mom and sometimes babysit. I don't know what the deal is, but I have no idea what I'm going to school for and I'm afraid to pick anything. I'm failing US History and finals are coming up. I can't focus on studying at all and having a busy 2 year-old isn't helping. Money is tight and my husband is looking for work elsewhere. He's stressed. I'm stressed.
I can't seem to drag myself out of bed early enough to be seen at the mental health clinic I was seen at previously (before I stupidly stopped taking my antidepressants they'd prescribed-intake is first come first serve) because my brother moved in and I drive him to and from work and don't get home until 1am. I'm also not sure if maybe I need more than antidepressants but all anyone has ever said is that I'm depressed.
And really.... I have several feelings bouncing around right now. I want affection of any sort from my husband, but I'm afraid to talk to him about it because I don't want to sound whiny or whatever, he's not usually affectionate unless he wants sex and it's like... Ugh think I "trained" his affectionate nature out of him somehow when I was in my most depressed state shortly after we moved in together.... I want to chat with my friends or someone but they're all busy and I don't want to talk all about me anyway... And lastly, school is so stressful.
If you read this, thanks. If not, it's okay too. I just needed to get it off my chest.
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self.depression
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I did something that I shouldn't have done (regret it) and now it's really fucking with my head.. help? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Lost Another Friend Today I learned a long time friend, who admittedly I've lost touch with recently, killed himself last night.
He's always been a bit troubled. Life was not an easy shake for him, but he kept himself together, worked hard, surrounded himself in nature as much as possible and genuinely cared for those in his life.
His passing is heartbreaking to so many of us, including my brother in law who has continued to be his sounding board for many years. I had to break the news to him today. I could feel his emotion morph into anger when he told me he just talked to him yesterday. He talks(ed) to him at least once a week. But yesterday our friend was different. Hyper and agro. Complaining of how thinly stretched he was. How impossible it had become to live where he lives, where we all used to live together.
As my brother kept talking I fealt him twist and start to go agro. My husband took the phone away. And ultimately hung up and went to find his brother. Another one of those stars who shines real bright that we all fear he'll burn out too soon too.
Suicide is such a painful plot twist in life. It hurts and it's pain is viral.
Anyway, I'm sorry. I'm just sad. I'm sad for my friend who hopefully found the peace that evaded him in life. Sad for my brother who just spoke to him and intuitively knew something was up but we all live 1000 miles away now. Sad for my husband who mourns his friend and fears for the effect this will have on his own kin. Sad for our friend's family and friends who hurt in this loss.
And angry. Angry that too many people feel this hopeless.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Strange feeling So I have this weird feeling just now. My stomach feels kinda hungry and I also feel this strange warmth in my core. I’m tired and my limbs are shaking slightly.
All I’ve eaten today were some Doritos and some slices of cake, is this low blood sugar + anxiety or something worse?
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self.Anxiety
|
I Went To A Party and Then Decided To Come Home i just couldn't handle it. My ex and his new girlfriend were there. It was his house show and I was the odd man out. I feel so alone. Idk if I should've stayed or not. I don't even want to drink. I just wanna be happy.
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self.bipolar
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Researched a ton of suicide Anyone else ever research anything and everything about suicide when feeling shit? It helped and it was fascinating. Read all that was available and now all I’m left with is knowing I’m too much of a pussy to actually go through with anything.
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self.depression
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I just got home from working a 23-hour shift. I'm a salaried retail manager and I've got to get the hell out of here. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Insurance question So like many of you, I have man I medical bills from countless labs, psychiatrists and therapists and hospitals. All of these bills are overwhelming and I was wondering if there is some universal website that keeps a tab on medical bills so people can see if they missed a bill or anything! Thanks in advance
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self.bipolar
|
I love Black women, my mama is a Black woman, my grandmother is a Black woman, my fiancé is a Black woman. Being a Black woman in the U.S. is exhausting as fuck. All minorities and marginalized folks face some sort of oppression, but Black women often face some pretty intense pressure. Black women have to deal with people judging their hair, whether they choose to wear it natural or straightened, and expecting Black women to fit (or not) the **'Angry Black Woman'** trope(Unsurprisingly, negative portrayals of Black women in media appear twice as often as positive portrayals, according to one study.) Consider that Black women are least likely to receive responses or messages on online dating sites, and there are even Black men who say they won't date Black women(they can go fuck themselves btw).
Thank you Black women on and off reddit, I love you and you're a godsend to Black men like myself. Peace.
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self.offmychest
|
So there's this guy... Let's call him Deadpool A little over two and a half years ago, he (21/m) and I (18/f) were 'best friends'. He made me believe that I could talk to him about anything and I did. We talked (via text) about drugs, sex, things that i was doing with my boyfriend at the time. Rarely ever was it something where it wasn't information-gathering. I knew he had issues at home, and he wasn't always mentally stable. (narcissict, pathological liar, suspected bipolar disorder) When we'd known each other for about a year and a half, one night he just snapped. It was the week of my sixteenth birthday, and he blackmailed me, using information that I had told him in confidence to force me to send him pictures of me topless. It scared me and hurt me badly, and there's been some rough patches between me and my dad because of it. My dad found out and Deadpool hasn't been allowed to contact me until I turned 18. I turned 18 6 weeks ago, and there's been no contact, which is good, because I hate him for how he used me, and I've blocked him on every platform I can think of anyway. I've been terrified of seeing Deadpool irl ever since, and even had nightmares about it. I told our mutual friends what happened and they were pretty much like "that's who he is, he's done that to lots of girls." My father insisted on no legal action/police involvement because he said that I could be prosecuted as well. Later, I thought about getting a restraining order, but I couldn't find out anything on how to get them in my county, and I am not completely 100% sure that I could actually take legal action now because it did happen two years ago.
Anyway, last night me and my bf (19/m) were out, doing last minute shopping before the countdown. We stopped at an AutoZone to check the antifreeze in the motor, and to get a new wiper blade. I was looking at those while my bf bought the antifreeze. He and the manager came back over, but my bf happens to look back at the counter before quickly handing me his keys and telling me to get outside and wait in the truck. I look around to figure out what's wrong and I see Deadpool standing behind the counter. He recognizes my boyfriend, they had classes together in school, but we don't think he recognized me, since I have drastically cut my hair since he last saw me in person. I took the keys, rushed outside, got in the truck, locked it, and completely lost it. I was crying and panicking so much that I made myself sick. I used to think that I could be strong and confront him about what he did to me, but I just ran away and hid. I got scared, and I'm going to avoid that AutoZone like the plague from now on.
tl;dr: ran into person that took advantage of me and panicked
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self.offmychest
|
I love you guys, and this community I posted this morning about my rough time with work or whatever but I just wanted to make a separate post thanking everyone who responded since it was a lot of comments and I didnt get to reply to everybody but I was feeling awful today and you all are wonderful people (:
Its nice having a place to share experiences and listen to people who relate and understand how you feel. I really like this subreddit, we're a bunch of anxiety ridden folks but we understand one another and I think there is comfort knowing that theres others who get it.
Anyways, I appreciate all of you! Even if you have no idea wtf im talking about or my earlier post haha I hope everyone has a good rest of their day/night!
Tomorrow is another day, and we can all survive whatever challenges we are dealing with or will deal with!
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self.Anxiety
|
Started TMS yesterday I started TMS therapy yesterday. They lied, it hurts. They made adjustments and it still hurts. I don't want to go back today. I don't even know if it will do anything. Has anyone ever had TMS? Did it do anything for you?
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self.bipolar
|
What to do about rational fears? So I understand what to do about irrational fears, but what about rational ones?
My other half and I do long-distance backpacking and bicycling. When we're backpacking and climbing mountains, I get terribly afraid of falling. Increased exposure on a mountain increases my anxiety and fear. My boyfriend, on the other hand, handles the same scenarios with a sense of calm.
It's understandable that my brain sends fear signals during potentially dangerous situations but I often am put into an anxiety attack, which is NOT a good thing when there's a small margin for error.
How do I handle rational fears and the anxiety that follows?
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self.Anxiety
|
Planned to start assignment today, stayed in bed and don't think that's changing anytime soon I just can't do it, lying here crying wishing I could just get up to take all the pills in my draw, go to sleep and not wake up. No one would miss me, no one would care just an oxygen thief waste of space who doesn't want to feel like this anymore.
I'm just not cut out for university, the sooner I accept that and go back to my shit job the easier everything will be
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self.depression
|
I feel I am learning to accept that I cannot cut it out of my life [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Was beaten up by a Japanese International student for no reason and people brushed it off. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Parents don’t get what depression is Hey guys,
I’ve been having attacks again, and my parents are trying to help me. The problem is, they seem to think that I’m just angry, so their suggestions are “when you’re depressed, go for a run, or just get outside!”. I’ve explained it to them a hundred times that I don’t want to do abythibg, let alone get up and do something, when I’m depressed, but they call me a liar and delegitimize me. What should I do?
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self.depression
|
my gut was right. over and over again, i have let my ex manipulate me into staying with him despite my better judgement. he has spent the last 3 years cheating, lying, manipulating and gaslighting me... but i always chose to believe in the future we wanted together. i woke up and checked my phone in the middle of the night to discover that he's apparently "in love" with somebody else again. her best friend let me know. i've pretty much completely isolated myself because of him and i don't really have anyone to talk to about this but i am in so much pain. i don't even know what to do. i'm an idiot and now i'm alone and i don't know how to reach out to people. this was the last thing i needed. a few days ago, i started hurting myself again for the first time in years. i'm not going to kill myself but holy shit do i want to. any response is encouraged- please just tell me i'm not alone. please tell me somebody is listening.
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self.offmychest
|
The only thing that keeps me going is when I die I won’t remember any of it It’s sort of like comfort really, I can’t kill myself i’m not strong enough, but even though there is constant pain and suffering, one day I won’t have to deal with it anymore, and I will be at peace!
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self.depression
|
Does anyone else just sit at home and literally do nothing? I will take literally any advice or experiences I can get right now.
It's been this way off and on for years now (28yo female diagnosed with bipolar 1) and it's really the only thing between meds and therapy that I do not have under control.
I have so many hobbies. I have probably 15 unfinished craft projects, 3 unfinished home projects, and 30 other ENJOYABLE things I could be doing.
But I don't do them lol. Ever.
Like I will be at work for 8 hours thinking about a specific video game, and that's all I can think about , getting home and spending my night playing. Then I get home, turn it on to the menu, and my brain just goes 'meh'... and I just end up turning on Netflix or browsing my phone instead.
It's like NO MATTER how badly I want to do something, my brain simultaneously tells me it's a stupid waste of time.
I have no clue what to do. I thought this was either part of Bipolar or just a depression thing, but the meds and therapy still haven't touched it.
I just want to enjoy my free time again. Help?
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self.bipolar
|
First week on medication I have been stuck in a rut lately. I have lost interest in thingsI enjoy doing and everything feels so hard to do lately, even going to work. I'm going to seek counseling at a free counseling center in town (something I've been putting off for months), but I finally decided to try medication.
My doctor put me on zoloft. I would really be interested in hearing about your experiences on SSRI's and other depression medications.
Additional note... if you're into podcasts, check out The Hilarious World of Depression. It's a great podcast.
|
self.depression
|
Dear meds, please start working again Been in a mixed state all damn day. Passed out for three hours when I shouldn’t have thanks to one of my morning meds. Argued with my wife for two hours, resulting with her going to bed alone and upset. Struggling with trying to figure out where I am in the mess of medication and my handful of mental illnesses.
My meds were working so well at first. But now I’m depressed again. I just want this hate, anger and sorrow to go away. Please, just fucking go away and never come back.
I think I just destroyed my marriage tonight. =\
|
self.bipolar
|
I'll admit it...I'm insecure It's hard to admit, but I always had this feeling that, for one reason or another, I was inferior to everyone I knew. And because of that, I only felt good when I felt like I was #1 (befriend everyone, make all good grades, etc.). I felt like that made up for all my perceived shortcomings, all the anxiety issues I'd had. So when suddenly I find that I get anxious in social situations, and that makes me feel like shit and be hard on myself, I guess I have to face the fact that I actually might have a self-esteem issue. I always felt like my peers were really "better" than me.
|
self.offmychest
|
Am I not good enough for anyone? So I’ve a string of relationships and potential relationships with really horrible women.
Some one close to me recently said that they believe the reason i'm having these problems is because I don't feel like i'm good enough for anyone better so I end up with the kinds of women I have been.
The thing is I really don't feel that way but its gotten me thinking. I go after a lot of women and most of them wont even give me the time of day. Other women end up not being interested in a relationship with me and I tend to be left with only the ones who want to use men.
Now I’m stating to feel like I’m really not good enough for anyone better and part of me wants to just give up on ever finding anyone. I really don't know what to do?
|
self.Anxiety
|
My Abuelita died last year and in a week I will be heading home for the first time since and I won't be able to visit her. [removed]
|
self.offmychest
|
Can someone love me and help me rn? I don't post that much on darker sub reddits, because I feel that my voice just blends in. Honestly, why give a fuck about my suicidal depression when everyone else feels the same way. Everytime I post on these types of sub resists, I don't get much of a response, and I can't blame anybody.
I think of murder and suicide everyday. I either want to kill myself or kill someone else, I'm mentally gone. It's so unhealthy. I cant cope with humans, they're so bigoted and unaccepting that they deserve brutal punishment. Why can't we accept each other in 2017.
My misophonia right now makes me feel bloody rage, somebody help before I let go. I have ppl that love me, but I am so tired. I may need a permanent rest.🤧
I hate you mother, I wish you were dead sometimes.
|
self.depression
|
I wanna disappear. I’m just so uncomfortable in my skin. I hate everything about myself. And everything I look at, and everything I say or do, is a reminder of all my flaws. And no one rly understands me at all. I just hate living so much.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Dead Poets Forever bro As I ripped cigarettes through bowls in my hand, lighting marijuana with its flame and giving myself a one of a kind head rush.
We pledged our selves to the society with blood and vigor in our oath. I never thought it'd end like the movie. We were too early and beautiful to be over, but before we could grasp the metaphysical glory of our poetic honey, Eric was dead.
The rest of us keep in touch. Long distance brothers ripped apart by grief, only occasionally able to talk because after all these years, what could've been still rips me to shreds.
I almost feel proud to be the one most ripped apart. Everyone moved along and got jobs and I just screamed and screamed and screamed. I still write poetry too. I find some lonesome sidewalk somewhere and chalk it up with whatever romantic nothings float between my brain waves.
I promised forever, and I'll keep that as long as I can go on for. I hope it's enough.
|
self.offmychest
|
It almost feels as if the body tries to find new ways to attack your anxiety Like for example I can have some symptoms that I eventually will 100% accept as anxiety and nothing else e.g shortness of breath, tense stomach for me.
But new symptoms arise that I havent had before almost like the body knows the old symptoms doesnt do the trick anymore so lets introduce new ones, e.g weird pressure in the head, lightheadedness.
It sucks as hypochondriac since u dont know if its anxiety or something more serious..
|
self.Anxiety
|
Feeling incredibly lonely since disconnecting from my toxic family Another night where I'm alone with my thoughts and emotions. I tried to talk to random people in those online chatrooms, did not help.
I'm not really sure what the purpose of me posting on here is; I suppose I just wanted some validation.
|
self.depression
|
Can severe anxiety in before cause lack of energy and motivation now?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm super friends with a friend's girlfriend and he's jealous of me I met this girl 3 years ago when they started dating, at first I didn't like her but then both he and she convinced me to started playing a video game. He stopped playing it as I was getting addicted to this game, and I started to hang out with her more and more. I felt he was jealous of me so I started to avoid her but we're both too addicted to the game and it's not possible to avoid her with playing it. Recently she started working in my company and we chat for a couple of minutes everyday before she gets on her shift.
At first I felt there was some attraction between us but today we spent the whole day together and now I'm certain there's nothing besides friendship. She tells me shit she doesn't tell anyone, not even her boyfriend and I share a lot I wouldn't share with anyone else either... and I know many of the things we talk would be questionable such as our fetishes, the kind of porn that we watch, how we masturbate and the people that we fucked, and how we fucked in detail but it's never in a provocative manner but just like I'd talk to a bro. She also opens up about her past that she's ashamed of such as the fact that her father was a top notch coke dealer that caught 7 years of jail... I find it amazing, my father is a fatass screw up who does 7 ativan a day, lives in lala land and is dead for life, I wish he was a man of action like her father.
I don't want to attract her, she doesn't want to attract me, we don't don't judge each other and we have a lot of fun. I fart and burp with her, she pisses on the woods near me and I make fun of her, we're constantly insulting each other. We're a grotesque and disgusting bunch, we don't give a fuck when we are together. The way we bond is amazing and I don't remember having this kind of fun since high school.
Sometimes I try to get him to come with us but he never wants to because he's jealous. He'd also probably not feel comfortable, he judges her and she's a totally different person near him... but at least he'd see with his own eyes that there's nothing funky going on besides some good ol' fun. I hope that one day he realizes that.
|
self.offmychest
|
just cried for the first time in months title. i never cry, for anything. i feel like complete shit today and just bawled for 2-3 minutes. now i feel worse
|
self.depression
|
DAE use gaming as an unhealthy escape? I've reflected upon my life so far and I've noticed a pattern of escapist obsessive gaming whenever faced with any issues in my life.
I spent my whole college years alone just sitting in my dorm playing games. I spent my high-school years doing the same things. Now I'm working full time and it's just the same shit again, avoiding everything in my life by retreating into gaming.
Has anyone else noticed an unhealthy relationship with gaming that relates to their anxiety? I really want to push through my constant avoidance of social interaction and I feel like quitting videogaming would be the best first step.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I logically don't see why I shouldn't kill myself Like a lot of failure and disappoinment has led me here but when I think about the future I see nothing of value. I just see more disappointment and pain and suffering. I've not met anyone who can tell me a logical reason not to end it.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like there's no point in doing anything anymore? I've felt like this for a long time but I've always ignored it cause I never thought it was anything important. But for the past few years I haven't even had the slightest motivation to do anything ''useful''.
Gaming is the only thing I enjoy in life and I can't even play video games that much anymore cause of the ridiculous amount of homework I have.
I'm trying so hard to care about school cause I know for a fact that if I don't I'll end up working at McDonald's or something. But I just can't care. I just can't care about school, and I don't know why. I see other people forcing themselves to care all the time. So why can't I do it?
Not to mention I hate talking to people. I'm surprised I still have friends. (I guess they don't care about me as much as they used to though).
And since Gaming is the only thing I enjoy in life when I lose some LoL games in a row for example, I get extremely fucking depressed I can't even describe how sad I feel when that happens.
So I guess I'll just fucking accept my fate and work at McDonalds.
I know most of you aren't even going to read this whole thing but I don't care. I just wanted it to let it out.
|
self.depression
|
My girlfriend has asthma and had an anxiety attack yesterday, how to help? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Last night was kinda scary As I was trying to fall asleep, I started to hear weird things coming from outside my bedroom. I heard creaking noises, noises that resembled the washing machine, and noises that vaguely reminded me of what it sounds like when my mom has her TV on. My mom wasn't home at the time for any of this, though. I had my bathroom's fan turned on to help me sleep(I usually do that), and I kinda heard all the extra noises through the fan noise if that makes any sense.
I guess my mind really is royally fucked.
|
self.depression
|
I've gone blind and have got nothing to do all day This is a repost of a post that I made to /r/self a few days ago with some changes.
I'm a 35 year old male from Portugal and went blind in 2014 due to a congenital glaucoma, a condition that ruined my life.
Before going blind I was a successful programmer with experience in a wide range of fields, worked as a consultant, and spent my time off work researching and improving my development skills.
After going blind everything changed. I lost my independence, moved back to live with my father (my parents were divorced), applied to a disability pension which is enough for me since I don't have to pay rent, and attended a rehabilitation center for the blind where I learned several life skills like how to read Braille, how to navigate outside, how to cook, how to knit, how to use screen-readers on phones and computers, and so on, so I don't have to work and can live by myself.
The problem is that since going blind I have a lot of free time without anything to fill it with. Coding is not an option anymore since it feels extremely uncomfortable to read with a screen-reader, besides I can no longer design graphical user interfaces, and feel uncomfortable with command line interfaces since their output is not semantic like a graphical user interface. I thought about learning how to play piano, not because I particularly like piano but because I would like to master electronic keyboards and in my opinion piano is the hardest keyboard instrument that I could learn, but unfortunately my father was against me having a digital piano as he thought I would annoy him and the neighbors with the noise.
My father passed away last august due to cancer, so my mother (who owns half of the apartment) moved in and I finally bought a digital piano and applied to a local music school. However now that my mother has moved in I find myself without almost any reason to leave the house, and these first grade songs don't require a lot of practice, even if I train like four per week there isn't enough for me to do to kill all my free time. I also spend some time here on reddit refreshing the new submissions page from /r/LearnProgramming looking for threads with theoretical questions that I can answer, but more often than not I'm not the first to answer because composing a comment with a screen-reader is also slow, plus that subreddit isn't too active.
All this free time with nothing to do is making me want to kill myself. I can no longer enjoy anything without sight and am only alive because I'm afraid of the consequences of a failed suicide attempt. I have therapy every Tuesday and see a psychiatrist every 6 months, but this isn't helping because in my opinion my problem is ophthalmologic, not mental. I've also had group therapy in the past but quit because I couldn't participate in most of the activities due to my condition.
I post these threads as if someone could do something about my sight, which obviously nobody can, but deep inside that's how I feel.
|
self.depression
|
I need to break free. I'm in my late 20s, I've got a good job, I own a home with my partner, but I'm miserable.
I feel listless in my life right now. My relationship is stale, despite a few emotional discussions and pleas to make things better. On average, we have sex four times per year.
I've settled into domesticity solely because it seemed like the next logical thing to do. But I hate it. I feel trapped, unfulfilled, and utterly uninspired.
I want to start fresh, be on my own, and live life for me. I want to answer only to myself and not feel guilty for making decisions based upon my own wants. I want sex, I want to feel desired. I want to live and feel alive. I'm to young to be stuck in this rut. I don't want to look back and regret. I want to live.
|
self.offmychest
|
Hypnosis? I'm currently trying to get back into a regular school schedule after taking some time off, and I'm having a really hard time even walking up to the doors. I was wondering if anyone had tried hypnosis before. I've heard good and bad things. I'm scared to try it without hearing more about it.
|
self.Anxiety
|
If you're somebody that Flags YouTube videos, you are a garbage person. Seriously, go fuck yourselves you fucking snowflakes. What the fuck are you trying to accomplish, besides making it less convenient for us to access videos? Are you trying to "prevent kids from watching adult content"? You know the kid can just go around that by making a gmail account and saying he's 18, right? So what's the fucking point of flagging videos if kids are going to go around it and fucking watch it anyway? You peope just fucking make us waste time by having to "verify our age".
WHAT'S THE FUCKING WORST THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN IF SOMEONE AGED 16 WATCHES THE TRAILER FOR COD:MW2? FUCKING NOTHING! GO FUCKING FUCK YOURSELVES IN THE ASS YOU FUCKING SNOWFLAKES!
|
self.offmychest
|
On the surface I’ve had a perfectly normal life [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
My ex attacked me a few days ago, yet I'm still in love with him My ex (31 m) and I broke up 7 months ago. 2 months later I started seeing another man (43m). However, although me and the 43 year old are still good friends and still see each other outside of work, we have not been sexual for 2 months. This is because I'm still in love with my ex. I can't help it. I love him so much. We lost a baby (miscarriage), I used to live with him. I can't get over him. The 43 year old is more understanding than I deserve. I never judged me for it. Instead, he provided a warm embrace and understanding. On wednesday, my ex showed up to work with flowers. I told him I did not want to speak with him because he had a crazy look in his eyes. The 43 year old was there. Even though I have not been sleeping with him, I did not want an altercation. My boss had me and the 43 year old leave out the back. I was giving him a ride home. He lives over an hour from where I live. We were not followed the whole way there. We were parked on a street near his house talking about my ex and my continuing feelings for him. There was a loud bang and I hit the floor thinking it was gunshot. It was my back window. My ex took it out with a sharp object. The glass cut my face. He then came up to the passenger side and started trying to break into that window to get me out of the car. The 43 year old was in the driver seat. He had the presence of mind to start driving. We drove to the police station, leaving my ex screaming in the middle of the street. We were there for ten minutes before my ex pulls up outside of the police station. This proves he has a tracker on me. He's not from the area, and we were not directly followed to either location. I now have a restraining order and my cars in the shop with a bunch of damage. I'm hurt, scared, and sad. I love him. I know i shouldn't. All the cuts on my face are near my left eye, I could have lost my vision. I have his friend sending me hate mail for breaking his heart and me being a liar and sleeping around when all I have done is been honest with my ex. Why do I still love him???
|
self.offmychest
|
When should I get help? Feelings of anxiety have gradually grown over the past couple years. I brought up my stress-induced nausea/vomiting at a physical with my doctor, and hearing him even say the words "anxiety" and "treatment" made me almost break down. I've felt on the verge of breaking for a while now; I'll be in the middle of a random conversation with my parents and feel this swelling inside of me, making me hold back tears for seemingly no reason. I don't talk to anyone about my emotions, and almost always turn to marijuana to numb whatever I'm feeling. Now that I've created this sort of dependency on drugs over the past 3 years, it's really difficult for me to stop without making more anxiety/depression for myself. I've known for a while now that I need to kick this habit, but that'd leave me alone with my thoughts, which I have trouble handling. Do I seek treatment now in hopes that it'll make quitting weed more manageable? Or do I just need to stop smoking first, and hope the anxiety goes away with it? I guess I just have this fear that I'll get to therapy, tell them I have a drug problem, and they'll turn me away and tell me to fix that before complaining about whatever dependency-induced emotions I'm having. I so badly want to be able to fix myself and not rely on therapy/medicine, but the longer I fall victim to my habits, the less hope I have.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I watched as my best friend whom I've been in love with for years went away to college, and I never said a word about how I feel. I am 18 and highschool was rough for me. I went way overboard on the drugs and parties, and struggled socially. I had a friend who I am going to refer to as Katie. Katie and I were very, very alike. I had seen her around school and not thought much of her but when I was introduced to her through a mutual friend it just kind of all fell into place. She played the same video games as me, listened to the same music, liked the same food, shared my sense of humor, and agreed with my political views almost perfectly. We would always get together and just spend the day together. Never really had a plan, just did what we wanted in our free time. We'd smoke a lot together, sometimes do other drugs together (never anything too crazy, we had our occasional xans and tripped together a few times), and just act like idiots around one another. I was so comfortable around her. There was one time when I was really fucked up and throwing up, literally face down in a puddle in a parking lot; usually people would be taking videos, laughing, or doing some dumb shit. She took care of me and helped clean me up. We both loved watching cheesy movies (like sharknado, we LOVE sharknado or zombeavers) on netflix and getting baked while we watch. We would never quite cuddle, just sit alongside eachother closely and talk and laugh.
It was complicated, too. She was bisexual, leaning more towards girls. This is why I never told her. I never thought she liked me. She had a girlfriend for most of the time I knew her. But one time, they broke up. She was telling me how her girl cheated on her and she was upset. She asked if we could go get food. I picked her up and we smoked and went to steak n shake. I had this feeling in me that told me this night was different from the rest. That I should have said something that night. She wasn't acting like usual. She was off, but I couldn't quite find a word for describing it. I still didn't do it.
When we weren't together in person, we got on skype and played games together. We would literally wake up, get on skype, talk and play until one of us suggested we come pick up the other, fight over who has to drive to who, and hang out. Then we'd repeat after we got home. I spent SO much time with her, it almost felt like we were dating already. But we weren't.
I really, really always had this feeling that she felt the same. I could never kick it, and to this day I still have it. I remember I planned on telling her before she left for college. I wanted to take my chance. But I told myself that no matter how it went, I would be unhappy. If she said she felt the same, what would it matter? She's in school four states away from me. I can't do long distance, I have a history with that. If she says no? Still going to a school four states away, and would make it kind of awkward for us.
I think about her every day. I miss her so much. I loved the time we spent together. It was so fucking fun. We did literally nothing productive from a glance, yet it was some of the best memories of my life. I would rather be sitting with her watching movies than anywhere else. I love her
|
self.offmychest
|
Here we are again, guys. I’m panicking because I think I have MS. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Great read for those who are depressed The concept of the "dark night of the soul" is one that has helped a lot in understanding and putting things like pain and suffering into context for me. I found this page a few years ago and have read it several times and it's honestly one of the best things to read when I am depressed. http://www.mountainrunnerdoc.com/page/page/1523597.htm
|
self.depression
|
It's my fault I use song quotes to help me. I'm fucking weird and I write them down then tape them to some hidden part of my room. My favorite one is "never for a second blame youself" but sometimes it is my fault. It is my fucking fault that all this stuff happened to me because I can't even get a worksheet done or study. I just want the suffering to end. I have good days but even on good days I feel fine but just sort of empty. I'm a god damn failure surviving off of 6 stress vitamins a day. I want to get my life together but it's so hard and no one understands. I have support but no one is saying the right things I'm just having more pressure dumped on me. Sometimes I'd rather die then deal. I imagine what would it be like if I just jumped or didn't check both sides of the road.
|
self.depression
|
I dont know if im depressed or not - advice needed In general I feel like a pathetic person most days. I definitely lost my personality since I was ateenager. I used to be full of life and made friends and girlfriends easily. Now I feel like such a loser. Im shy and I'm really unconfident. I worry about how I'm going to cope one day. I have no friends and hardly any family. I can't get a good job because I suck at interviews. I get teased by my family and it doesn't help that I'm super sensitive. I never stand up for myself. I definitely self loathe a lot and generally feel worthless but I feel that it's all true. I always look to put myself down if others compliment me. I'm very self centred and seem to think very negatively and I always think about how stuff might effect me. I worry about small things sometimes. Recently been thinking about how I'm going to managing moving home in a few years if my family weren't there to help. They will be there to help but I always think what if. I feel very weak because I never stand up for myself. I let people get away with stealing from my job and me personally too scared to confront them. Someone ran into me the other day and I didn't say a word just walked on without saying anything. Maybe I'm just shy but it does seriously get to me sometimes. I also have no interest in anything if at most I do get into anything I end up losing interest eventually. I see others that are busy with tons of activities throughout the week. They go places they travel they do clubs they exercise they do gardening. None of that appeals to me but I get jealous of their attitude. Sometimes I get too nervous to go places by myself. I've tried online dating but never go through with the date. When I have to travel somewhere I need my mum to come with meI don't really know if this is laziness of having to get there by myself or not. My mum has cancer and I'm worried what life will be like. I only have my sister after her and a friend I don't think will be a friend forever. Anyway I'd appreciate any insight on what my problem could be
|
self.depression
|
Coping methods I’m so sorry to all of the regulars on here. I’ve been spamming all of my problems as they develop, in hope someone will reach out to talk. I was just wondering if anyone had any methods of coping with depression that they could share with me.
|
self.depression
|
Anyone on celexa experience cold sweats or the inability to regulate their body temperature? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I stopped my meds I've been on 100mg of lamotrigine and .5 of risperidone for 6 months. It was great in the beginning but I started noticing more down days. And then I got super happy out of nowhere and decided to stop taking them altogether. I was really great for 2 weeks. But almost 2 weeks on the dot, I'm feeling tired again. And closed off and a bit anxious.
I really wanted to work through these dips on my own but I'm really disappointed that the really good feeling of life is gone at the moment.
Does that sound about right for stopping meds? Or is it just the bipolar in me? I'm tired of switching personalities around like a fashion statement. It's why I wanted to try meds but it didn't feel right. I was getting tired and weepy and anxious for a week or two straight, even with the meds.
I just want to know who I am and where I stand in life. I'm tired of being scared all the time. I just want to get out and enjoy life. I've been with my fiance for 2 years and I still get shy and nervous around him because I'm scared I'm not enough. And I'm scared to get close to our girlfriend because it's new and I'm scared of rejection even though we've been together a year.
Is it too much to ask to be "normal"?
|
self.bipolar
|
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