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Anybody went through derealization/depersonalization after quitting antipsychotics? Did it ever go away? I hear that most people eventually recover but some people deal with it for many years, i don't know whats up with that, the ones that have it for years mostly have it because of a trauma or because of bad anxiety and stress, how long did yours last?
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self.bipolar
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Going to try a new medication I was prescribed remeron, anyone have experience with it?
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self.depression
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Someone reported me to the "care team" at school So either a friend or one of my professors reported me to the school administration at college that I was "under stress" according to the email and when I didn't answer the email the lady called my house. I called back, already having a feeling why the "associate dean of students" would be calling my house, and lo and behold,it was exeactly what I thought it was and someone reported me to the school as being a potential future Seung hui chi apparently. I asked two friends and they said it wasn't them. I'm betting it was a professor.
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self.depression
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Can lithium stop working? I am currently on lithium and lamictal. Lithium changed my life and I would never stop taking it.
Lately my mood has been dipping down and I've been thinking some troubling things. I don't want to end my life but it feels like my brain wants to. I have an amazing life with plenty of supportive family. I have two small children that I would never want to hurt by hurting myself. But the thoughts are there. Constantly now. I use all the DBT and CBT skills I have learned.
Part of me just wants to die and I don't know why.
How do you deal with this? I'm afraid to speak to anyone because it ends up in hospitalization. Has anyone else on lithium experienced this? It's been a god send of a drug and now I'm sad it'll stop working. I'm hoping it will just pass but it feels so deep.
Anyone else have experience or advice? I feel so lost.
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self.bipolar
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I spend all my holidays alone (Thanksgiving, Xmas, New Years, 4th of July, my birthday). My colleague invited me over for Christmas! I live in a conservative state, about 6000 miles away from my parents, and it's hard to make friends or meet people, largely because of the color of my skin and having a foreign name. And so, since many years, I have spent all my holidays by myself. They weren't really "holidays" to me - they were just an extended weekend.
Today, one of my colleagues who has known for me <2 or 3 months (and sees me once or twice a month) invited me over to have Christmas with her family! This is the first holiday since 2011 that I will actually get to be with someone!
I didn't even know how to respond when she asked me over. She did it so casually and nonchalantly. It's beyond generous of her to do this.
She has 2 girls (6 and 3) so I would like to bring something for them!! Any suggestions?
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self.offmychest
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Lonely, alcoholic and lost everything in the last 3 months [removed]
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self.depression
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Do you think suicide is wrong? If you are gonna end up homeless, do you think suicide is really wrong? There are many poor people who commit suicide because they have no perspectives, no future, no hope. Some people may say poor people are just lazy, and they were to "weak", and therefore deserve becoming homeless or poverty. But what about people who have disabilities or other problems? Mental illness, physical, chronical illness? Such people will very likely also end up poor, in the worst case if they don,t get help, they end up homeless. Many homeless are mentaly ill or disabled. Is it really cowardice to end your life in a hopeless situation? Like homelessness or a life in poverty? Many homeless or poor people do drugs, or kill themselves because their situation is hopeless. So do you think suicide is always wrong no matter the circumstances?
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self.depression
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How do you feel about citalopram? It was the one my psychiatrist recommended
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self.depression
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How do I stop using my partner as a way to hurt myself? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I suck! That is all. Just wanted to vent. Nothing more needed here ... move along.
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self.offmychest
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REMINDER: Your life is worth living. If anyone is having a hard time, feel free to message me.
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self.bipolar
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hypnotising yourself to redirect negative thinking? Hi Anxious Reddit! I should have been here a lot sooner, as this is the place made for me.
Sorry for the long following text, I just tried to give as much details as possible to explain the situation.
I have been really stressed out and anxious for the last 3 years, that was so bothersome that I couldnt do much stuff without too much worrying. But I kinda discovered one thing that helped me to distract myself from the fear of the future, and that is to create another type of fear. I kinda started to focus on my environment, sounds particularly, that were kinda catching my attention whenever I was having a negative thought. I would redirect my attention to the sound (like an instinct), and would think about it instead (what sound was that, how loud it really was, was it dangerous for our ears in DB levels etc.). So it kinda helped to cope with anxiety, as I wasnt worrying about my chores which made me work on them in peace. But then after about 2 years of doing this, I became really addicted to this, and so I actually became even more anxious cause I was focusing on every sound outside my home, thus distracting me in every situation. I became really scared to even go outside at one point, since I was scared that some loud sound would ruin my hearing (Im a huge music fan).
After living in fear for a long time like this I was really fed up with all the sound obsessions. One day I kinda managed to quit caring about the sound. It was a really stressful day, as I had to organize an event, and that made me really anxious as I didnt want anyone to know about my sound obsession, I was worried Id get distracted again. So instead of the sound, I kinda let my mind loose to find another topic to think about. Little did I know that itd be such a nightmare to go through. Since the actual obsessions with the sound were mostly negative to me, my hungry OCD-like mind only looked for negative thoughts and ideas at that moment (happened in Aug. of this year). That was kinda like a an existential-crisis, I was compeltely lost, thinking about my overall life quality, dreams and just meaning on this planet. I felt so tortured that I didnt want to exist anymore. I wasnt able to focus much for the next few weeks, and I became really depressed, which kinda made me numb to anxiety during the period. I lost much of the emotions, but at least i was able to do some of the tasks. At this point I didnt care about sound almost at all, only some moments were still distracting but I could quickly drown that with my headphones.
So fast forward to October, another obsession was slowly taking over my mind. I was feeling more and more weak, as I didnt enjoy things I used to. I was thinking about going on anti-depressants but I was scared of the side-effects. I was having suicidal thoughts, and just imagining all the possible ways I could die (accidently). Ideas about somehow losing my breath, my saliva or just mind were often my topic for thoughts. I was briefly obsessed with all of these topics, and in a way it helped to distract me from other problems/tasks (which I could do without much fear).
My shifting thought patterns were all over the place, trying to find some disastrous idea. And then finally a new obsession was found, an image to be exact. I was drawing a few illustrations a few days ago, and then it hit me - what if that image gets stuck in my head and will never let me go? I was kinda testing if its possible at first (I checked just to be sure its not dangeous), by vagely picturing the image in my mind on and off in the evening. I wasnt obsessing over the idea that much, but a few hours later it hit me hard, as I started to believe that this will now be stuck with me like I imagined. I couldnt sleep that night at all... and its actually kinda funny, as I got my new fear the more I pondered about it. Again, just like with sounds and other obsessive thoughts, this new image fear is replacing all other worries in my life.
I am not that scared of the image itself, its just a character from the fictional story, but it's the intrusive element that is bothering me, as it kinda pops in my head whenever I worry. Its kinda like mediation I guess where its important to focus on an object or thing not to have any other thoughts. But I am anxious that this image will stick forever, and willkinda haunt me everywhere.
Again, sorry for the long tet. I am relly curious if any of you had something like this, and how to deal with it.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm ending it on New Years Eve. I can't take it anymore. I can't take this anymore. I'm done.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’ll be a first time mom in February and I’m going crazy trying to figure out whether or not to stay home [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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What depression has taken from me ...time and compassion, but not the fear of living.
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self.depression
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It keeps getting worse, and I'm afraid about my friendships and future. Please give me advice. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Help, I don't know what to do. Please give me some advice. I really don't, I am a 16years old that just moved away from his parents to a whole another county for studying reasons, and this is a whole new environment for me, I don't have financial issues, never had any breakdowns before, but today I had this, Breakdown... so I woke up today and just feeling bad.. It is saturday so I woke up and just started playing videogames, I didnt do well, and ofcourse I got really angry and it became worse, so I told my roomate to if he wants to go outside and do something.. and he told me sure, we started walking outside and grabbed something to eat, and we were just walking.. today is pretty cold but for some reason I decided to take off my jacket.. and my roomie told me that I shouldn't take it off and I started acting wierd and he tried to force me to not to take it off and shit.. but when he grabbed me a kicked away and I started crying.. I cried all the way back home... and I sat on those chairs outside refusing to come in.. then when I decided to come in, I came in and just ran to my bed and started crying again.. my roomie tried to calm me down but I kinda disrespected him and I was offensive af to him "he is much older than me" and so he got sad and just went to do his thing.. and that's what happened today..
but still it has been difficult those days for me, I am kinda new to this school I am going to, but I have a couple of friends that supported me through it, I don't speak the language that the school teaches, so I only take language classes and I just stay in the class and do my homework, and there is this girl that I met, she is really kind, but she has some kind of incident that happend to her and I dont want to talk about it out of my respect for her, me and her felt comfortable with eachother and trusted eachother and she told me her story and I listened to her.. she started crying and stuff, I gave her some tissues but thats all that I could have done.. and when I am around others I am usually less polite, crazier and more of an idgaf guy, but around her I can't be that for some reason. and she is like.. different when she is around a little number of people in a not controlled environment she goes to the W.C and just stays there.. she sometimes goes just outside the door and sits on the ground... I kinda feel like it is my fault that she is sometimes doing this, but when I ask her she tells me that I am really not why... and she told me why this happens.. but I think about her a lot, I think about what other people worry about alot.. and I really have a lot to worry about my self.. so I just wrote this because idk what to do... I don't want to talk to anyone I know so they dont think that I am a psycho.. so please give me some advice... I will reply to you... please
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self.offmychest
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I visited my girlfriend today. Now I feel even emptier. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Heavy drinker So a friend of mine went to a new psychiatrist, and she was talking to me about it, and apparently I'm a heavy drink times about 4.5. I've never like, gone to therapists out psychologists or whatever but hey now I guess I should be concerned?
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self.offmychest
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Sometimes I'm happy.. on other times I belive I will never be happy again. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Don’t want to exist at times/struggle with relationships. Hello. I am a male in college.
I often have this feeling where I wish I was never born. I will never take my own life because I am terrified of inflicting pain on anybody, including myself. But at times I think my entire life will never amount to anything. I know if I ever did take my own life I’d hurt so many people, which I am grateful for. But sometimes I wish I was never born and never given the gift of life. A lot of this stems from extreme social awkwardness/inability to approach girls I find attractive.
I have a very, I guess, pure view of how I want to date. I do not agree with sex just for physical pleasure. I do not agree with sex without an emotional connection with the person you are doing it with. I understand this is not anywhere near the norm for a person my age. I have not even had my first first kiss yet, let alone my first girlfriend. I want to love a girl like I’ve never loved anything in my life. I know this sounds cocky, but I would be the best boyfriend ever. I would treat her like she was my entire world.
But this is where my struggle comes in. 1. I have extreme, let’s say lack of confidence for my body parts “down there”. I consistently ask myself why my body parts are like this and I will never feel confident with it. 2. I am not the most attractive guy on the planet. Girls have liked me before, but I’m so awkward I never act on it. 3. I can never find the power in me to approach a girl that I like/find attractive. I’m just too awkward.
I often talk about how I can’t wait to have a wife/a family and I can’t wait to be a dad, but I clearly can’t do that with my current state of mind.
Any help would be appreciated.
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self.depression
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After spending one hour lying on an examination table having pains, muscle tensions and trouble breathing (all psychosomatic) while telling about my recent life my therapist says I am wasting her time This is the fourth time we picked up therapy again. _She_ asked _me_ because I wasn't doing anything after end #3 and had no will to get better.
I didn't/don't go to anyone else because I don't trust anyone else and because see above, no will to get better.
Last time I had a phone call with her was three weeks ago. Last time I saw her in person maybe two months ago.
Today I was visiting her and basically telling her what I've been doing. At the end she said that I'd just come to her to dump my mental trash and that I'd be wasting her time.
So, almost exactly the same thing I got to hear at end #2 (when I also had suicidal thoughts which she knew). Just, "thank you". I don't go to her to unload my crap (I have other places for that if I have to) but for her to actually say something about it since I only mention the stuff anyways I can't deal with any better. It's not like I'm telling her everything anyways!
"But everything I say gets turned down from you, you either already know that or you aren't able to do that." What am I supposed to say to that? She barely says anything and there just isn't anything new.
She wants to talk about something else? Actually ask me _just once_ why I don't want to get better.
I told her that _she_ wanted to continue therapy and that I absolutely understand how arduous it is to sit here with someone who doesn't have any will to get better.
That doesn't change anything over me being so disappointed her every time she's doing something like that and every time I'm thinking how much I was wrong about her. Every time I'm standing naked in front of someone and actually opening up and get to hear something like that I'm thinking why the fuck are we even doing it then?? Why do I even do anything in the first place?
What does she expect me to say? If she doesn't like what I'm saying?
At the end of the session she wanted me to think about what to do in the future. Since I'm a neet and not doing anything and not being able to go to a mental hospital as she wants me to she at least wants me to do more "activities" which can be pretty much anything. Just leaving the house. Going to the cinema, theater, swimming, evening classes, yoga classes, qigong, anything.
In the last six months where I didn't get any job or help I (despite rampant social anxiety) already went to a lot of those activities on my own and it doesn't change anything and it doesn't advance me.
My life is so fucked. Every time something like that is happening my belief that only I can take care of myself and that other people, even mental health professionals, will just hurt you and destroy your progress out of carelessness only grows stronger. And now comes the punchline: mental health workers hate people who think like that.
I just want to stop existing and I can't tell it anyone because then I get threatened by compulsory hospitalization.
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self.depression
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Why not tonight I have already tried once. Week in the psych ward and I convinced everyone I was ok. There are very few people left in my life. I was betrayed by half of them, may get me fired because of talking about my depression.
I don’t hate my self. I just don’t care to see tomorrow. I see no future. I don’t even want one. Every day it is a struggle not to try again. All day thinking of a way not to screw it up again.
I just don’t care any more.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Contribution to society I contribute nothing to society.
I myself am of no personal value to anyone.
I work in the business of chaos and creating more chaos.
I used to volunteer. I no longer do so as I’m too tired.
I used to give blood. I no longer do so as I’m on meds.
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self.depression
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i think i’m so depressed because this generation is fucked [deleted]
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self.depression
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What do you do during depressive episodes? I can feel myself going on a bit of a downswing. Anyone have any ideas of how to cope?
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self.bipolar
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Abilify Has anyone tried Abilify? I think this is a generic brand. I experienced 5 side affects while on it, and have only known people with the negative affect. Has anyone tried it with success? Is there a brand similar you like ? (Currently on Lamotrigine - generic)
They say they're not sure what it does for bipolar, but it helps. I liked the way my mind felt more at peace, but my body was struggling.
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self.bipolar
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Job hunt anxiety and other fun things... My husband just left to take our dog to the dog park. He tried to get me to go but leaving the house just feels crushing. I was having an okay day. It’s always a normal day until something small wedges itself in my brain and turns into the storm of anxiety. We’ve been married for a little over two months.
It’s time for me to find a job in my new location. I have a degree in Education, but it only took me my last semester to realize how I had made the biggest mistake of my life. When I was in my student teaching, I was teaching seniors (which was bad enough)- but then my mentor teacher bullied me and long story short- I absolutely don’t want to teach anymore. I tried my absolute hardest but I guess I wasn’t cut out for it.
The last two years I’ve been substituting. It hasn’t been the worst. It’s an easy enough job. But I don’t think I should be doing it. I feel like I need a better career. One I am cut out for. Besides, teachers always make fun of the person who claims to be a “professional substitute”. I feel so depressed when I start looking at jobs. It’s taxing to try and find something you can do when you don’t know what you want to do. Before long into looking, I feel like I’m just going to vomit. Now I’m laying in bed- trying not to cry again and writing this Reddit post. This is such a fun way to go into the new year. Helpless and depressed.
I don’t expect anyone to comment and give me any sort of resolve, but I honestly just needed to vent this out because I’m a pathetic human being.
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self.depression
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Does anybody else with anxiety feel they are Hyper-Perceptive? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Husband out of town My husband's triplet brother is very sick with end-stage COPD and heart failure, so he went to his home in California (we live in Idaho) to take care of him. I thought I could manage ok without him, but I'm not doing so well. Winters in Idaho are horrendous, and it scares me to think I will have to deal with all the snow by myself. I think I'm getting depressed, having trouble sleeping even with my meds, don't feel like doing anything except sitting in front of the TV. I don't really feel like going to work, even though I have a great part-time job I love. Plus, I'm worried about my husband; he's 70 (I'm 60) and had a small stroke 4 months ago and has been forgetting things a lot, so I'm thinking his cognitive abilities have been affected. I never should have let him go so far away. Winter is setting in and soon the passes will be snowed in and he won't be able to come home until Spring. The one good thing is he called me today and was talking about coming back before Christmas. His brother lives in a crappy, dirty mobile home full of cockroaches, and he's totally grossed out. I don't think he wants to be there anymore. I was going to beg him to come home anyway. But I'm worried about him making the 12-hour drive by himself because he is having trouble with being confused on the road and getting lost (that happened on his way). I'm worried about finances, too. He's been spending money like crazy and he doesn't put any aside in savings. I'm the only one who adds to our savings account (which is small) out of my earnings. I live pretty frugally but he spends and spends on stupid stuff, just crap he or I don't need. So I have a lot on my mind, I'm lonely and depressed and I really don't think I'm going to make it by myself through the winter without him. Thanks for letting me vent.
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self.bipolar
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I can feel the depression latching on again. Things have been on the up and up recently. I got some really good news about work, I’m finally back in school and doing well. But there’s still this lingering darkness around me. I don’t usually post about this on the internet but these are those dark, quiet, lonely hours when depression likes to rear it’s ugly head. Back in high school I had ways of dealing with my depression, and even since then. But recently, for the past year or two it’s been different. Now, I wake up in the middle of the night, too apathetic to actually do anything, too dissatisfied to go back to sleep. I just lay here, depressed and thinking about everything I’ve ever done wrong. Drinking becomes a gamble, what am I going to say or do at/after the bar that I’ll wake up at 5am regretting that pushes me further down? How long will it be before I care enough to feel like a person again?
Depression really takes it’s toll on me through making me not care enough to eat, shower, or clean my room and wash laundry. I don’t want to do homework. I don’t want to go to work, but I don’t want to stay home either. I don’t want to be around the ones I love, but I don’t want to be alone. I can’t take the thought of those I love knowing how down I feel because I don’t want them to worry or hurt with me, I don’t want to bring them down too. But the worse I feel the further I isolate myself, which pushes me to feel even worse. There’s no reason I *should* feel this way, but I can’t stop it. It’s like this monster of darkness crawls out of some hole inside myself, and it tries to pull me back in with it. I’m imploding, forcing myself to do all these self destructive things. It’s like I’m holding myself hostage, doing things to make me feel worse in the long run to keep me stuck here and draw out this painful feeling.
Does anyone have any advice to offer about how to cope with these lonely late night depression pits? How do you get through it?
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self.depression
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I can't do this anymore. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm going to just end it. I don't care anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety and Scared because of Pains Hi! So I'm a very anxious person and it manifests physically. I have been having weird pains all throughout my body in different locations, but what really stresses me is the pains in my chest. I do have a abnormality in the electro-activity in my heart, but I have been checked multiple times before these feelings had occurred and he says its no cause for concern and to go about my normal life. Recently I was having a panic attack because of this weird sensation that was a tightness/stabbing in my upper abdomen that radiated to my back and I went to the ER. I was scared I was having a heart attack (note I am 16) Everything checked out okay in the EKG besides my rapid heartbeat, but obviously I was freaked out.Not to be gross, but I was on my period at the time , so I don't know. I also am low on iron but have been taking vitamins. Now I feel fine and haven't had massive panic attack like that but on and off I have been having pokey feelings in my chest in different spots it can been the lower breastbone on the right or left side but sometimes doesn't radiate anywhere another times when I breathe deep I feel sharp shooting pains my back. It is not excruciating by any means, just unsettling. One doctor said I could have a sort of silent reflux, but the thing is my pains arm or pokey shooting not dull and achey. I am just scared. My parents keep telling me to exercise to feel better and start running like I used to when I did Cross country, but last time I ran my head was pounding, but that could've been nerves ordehydration. I just want to know anyone else knows what I am talking about and how I feel better. I always fear that something bad is going to happen. I don't now if this is because my mind is too occupied with this anxiety that I am self inducing my anxiety physically. I don't know. I don't want to have to take any medication. I just feel like this has really been hindering me from focusing in school and being at ease. Thank you :)
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self.Anxiety
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My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me out of the blue yesterday. I've never had suicide thoughts until now. Everything I see makes me think about her. Everything that happens to me makes me want to run and share with her. I desperately miss her. She was my best friend. I have no one else. "Never again" is too much time for me. My heart is hurting so much. I never felt so much pain in my entire life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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You complain about something every single time we're on the phone, we get into the car, and every time you come home from something. It's fucking annoying [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Came to a realization today Today I had remembered a twilight zone episode that I saw many years ago. It had to do with a criminal dieing and he believes he's gone to heaven since he gets whatever he wants. However, he finds that he is actually in hell after he discovered that getting everything only made everything pointless and dull. Everything I have thought would improve my life and happiness has come true. I always wanted someone to love me, ended up married for several years before getting divorced. Wished I could get a new job and got it now iv been there for 5 years and couldn't be more depressed. Met the most amazing girl at that job that even when I unintentally pushed her away she was always there for me. And when she got a promotion I sank into a deeper depression since I didn't get to see her as often. I began to ignore her since I didn't want to bother her with my problems and she ended up married and recently had a child. I saw her today and thats what breaks my heart, she's still here for me after everything I put her through but I lost the only person who I could connect with and just be happy. I know this is a small list but my life is full of examples. If you made it through that thank you for your time. I hope all of you can eventually live happy lives. Don't take anything for granted, appreciate what you have now and if you eventually find the love of your life don't let them go. Already being severely depressed and now heartbroken.. I can't even begin to explain.
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self.depression
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I need to hear someones voice. I’m a shut in and I just had a series of really fucked up nightmares. If anyone is wants to talk or just needs to hear a voice I’m here. If you’re curious about me I’m a guy 18 in California. I’ll probably be up for a long time if not all night. Diagnosed but not taking any meds because they affected my health very adversely.
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self.depression
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Learning to stretch properly has been a godsend for combating my anxiety So I really badly hurt my back a while back and had to do physio, it forced me to discover my body in a new way through stretching and learning my tight points and where I physically carry stress.
Let me tell you, learning to release that tension physically has the knock on effect of releasing it mentally as well.
Not 10 minutes ago I was on the verge of a panic attack so I decided to get out of bed and stretch...before I even realised it the panic had passed and I feel physically lighter and looser.
It's really just a win win all round for me and Is the only form of exercise apart from walking that I seem to be able to tolerate.
So damn satisfying.
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self.Anxiety
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I’m abandoning my acct I can’t delete it so I’m leaving it here.
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self.offmychest
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I wish I could pull it together and just man up. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Recent Strings of Depression Episodes. I'm just going to pour myself out to you guys because I've been having strings of depression episodes, I'm 19 years old, graduated, never had a job, and I've been smoking pot since early-mid 18. Recently my dad sat me down and told me, well what you'd expect from a father of a 19 year old graduate, that I had to really start thinking about life and going to a college. He really laid into me about him and my mom not being around forever, and during one point when I went to say something, he snapped at me claiming he wasn't done. I don't blame him and he's most certainly being reasonable I feel, but the rest of the night I felt awful. I always knew lying around would get me to this point, so it made me feel worse. Once he said all he had to I told him, "Good talk," and squeezed out.
It's been two days since then and it's as several other problems kinda reared their head at me. It feels like the talk with my dad started some shame and sadness in me but now it's just a big ugly blotch of depression. It's made me think of how fast I've grown up and how I don't want to anymore, I have a difficult times handling new things and adult life is a scary thing to look in the face. I also have commitment issues on just about everything so college is an auto worrying thought. But then thinking about growing older also gets me think of my highschool years, my friends, and how I've grown apart from every single one of them. I don't even think anyone in my neighborhood went to my school except 1 girl who moved.
And so I start smoking pot, it doesn't help, just makes me think about things more, so I end up crying and go to bed. Next day, get up take the dog out to pee and clean up around the house. Goes along pretty normally, still feeling gloomy tho. Suddenly start thinking, can never stop thinking about things, soon the no-highschool friends makes me start thinking about other people in my life, mainly family, and my worries of growing apart from them OR time taking them away from me. I smoke, it does nothing, I cry, I fall asleep.
This is just today, I wake up to cluttering, sister's who's moved back in with us looks like she's packing up, I ask her whats going on and she tells me she's moving, same state but very far away. This means she takes her dog with her, her cute young pit bull that everyone who's met her adores. I go back to my room and begin freaking out cause I love that damn dog so much. Good news is later on she just tells me she was cleaning up and said she was kidding, but I'm still feeling very upset. Earlier tonight my mind went into a whirlwind again and it again pushed me to cry.
Despite what some might think, I don't cry often, maybe only once in a couple of months. I've cried 3 nights in a row, and I feel like it's only going to continue. I've promised myself I'm going to stick to a new sleeping schedule and to cut down on pot cause I fear that it's also playing a roll in my recent little downfall. It used to really lift me up and laugh at everything but these nights it's just made me feel worse. For the non-religous it might be a little absurd, but I'm also praying for god to get me more used to the thought of college since I know it's the best course for me to take.
I've laid myself bare to you all, a spoiled lazy pot head who's become too overwhelmed by the future with a college phobia and like a dozen other things that make me more pathetic. Regardless thank you for taking the time to look, and if I can be a little more spoiled to ask anyone for help or advice or someone to talk to, or ask me some questions if you want to know anything in specific. Thank you all, godbless.
P.s. Sorry if this is at all sloppy or confusing, There were a couple of things I forgot to put so i did some restructuring. Looks good enough to me but idk.
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self.depression
|
Is depression making me more and more stupid [help pls] Um, so I'm 13 and I have depression and anxiety, but I'm only on medication for anxiety until I get my depression medication later.
So, recently, I feel like my depression has been making me dumber. I can't remember how to spell anything and I struggle to hear what people are trying to tell me and what it means. I can't do school work good anymore, which worry's me. I was one of the best in my class at english work, but now I'm failing because it's getting to difficult to spell and interpret things. I don't know what to do..
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self.depression
|
I haven’t cut in a week and a day Its not much but it’s something. I just don’t want to hurt anyone else anymore. I used to think that no one cared but now I think some people do. Anxiety is holding me back, making me fall back into that depressed mood but I haven’t cut. Had bad suisidal thoughts on sat but didn’t do anything. That’s mainly cause I got out my social shell and nothing good came of it. Let’s see how the rest of this week goes
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self.depression
|
Do I have depression? Suicidal thoughts? I go through phases. I can be happy, other times I feel so worthless/helpless and lonely.
Sometimes I have no motivation
Suicide crosses my mind everyday. Sometimes a lot. I hate my life, I’m even considering buying a rope and creating a noose or buying a helium tank. If I one time can’t take it.
In 6 months from now, if my business goes pear shaped I think I am going to commit suicide. I have nothing left. I will be a loser failure and have to fight hard to get a crap regular job. It’s so hard to get onto the property ladder. Everyone is doing so much better then me. I can’t be regular I have to succeed.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I only feel the negative emotions. Joy hardly ever comes, only to be quickly replaced with emptyness and sorrow to go along with my neverending anxiety [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I don’t know anymore I can’t seem to be happy I lost all my friends me and this girl had a connection and were going to go on a date I canceled it and said I didn’t want to anymore I’m a fuck up my teachers tell me I’ve given up on school my parents yell at me for my shitty grades and all I can do is sink my time into pointless video games that make me a worse people I don’t know why I’m here if all I ever do is disappoint the people I love and yet I can’t get anyone to love me back
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I will be alone I suffer of depression, since this Net Neutrality thing I got worse because all the people around me (my psychologist, my parents, my family, my friend) seem to not understand how I feel. So this subreddit and another few places are my Paradise, my small islands of peace where I can breathe and vent my feelings. ISPs promise to block nothing but I'm scared. Will I lose them?
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self.depression
|
Anyone else? Does anyone ever feel as if their thoughts are invisible? Like, I don’t know how else to explain it other than it feels like my thoughts don’t exist but I know I’m having them. They feel so distant and blocked, Idk man, I’m a mess and just getting anxious about every symptom my anxiety/depression is giving me. It’s probably the Prozac though.
Most of the time my mind is racing too so it’s rly frustrating cause I’ve just became obsessed w focusing on my symptoms ;-;
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self.Anxiety
|
Feeling guilty about sharing my anxiety Hi all!
First of all, thanks for being such a great community!
I’m mostly experiencing relationship anxiety / fear of abandonment, and in general I’m very open about my emotions towards my friends. I tend to share my worries and fears with them, and they are very supportive.
The thing is, besides the usual flaws here and there, my relationship is going really well. We’re both in love and happy with eachother for over 3 years now.
Recently I’ve been developing feelings of guilt about sharing my own fears in regards to the relationship, as I feel it doesn’t pay honor to how good my relationship is and how much I love my girlfriend. However, my inner fears are still there and I also feel the need to share them. I just wish the guilty feeling wasn’t there.
Any tips?
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self.Anxiety
|
My grandmother passed away yesterday and the last time I saw her more than a week ago, she was in intense pain.
I’m more overwhelmed with regret than with sadness. She got discharged last week and the whole family went and visited her last Saturday.
Except for me.
I regret not making the time to go see her. I regret not making the time to spend more time with her in the past 7 years.
She practically raised me and all I ever did in the final 7 years of her life was let her down.
What I regret most was thinking that she would live forever and that I would always have the time to make it up to her.
And now she’s gone.
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self.offmychest
|
Happy birthday to me? 24 sucks already. If nothing gets better, I’m killing myself by 25.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I've lost 3 constant fixtures this year and I don't know how to function anymore. Lost my other half, family cat and family member in the span of 10 months. Everyday just feels like a chore, work and hobbies have no meaning and I don't see the point in trying.
How do people cope without turning to drugs? Don't want to mess my body further since I'm already on isotretinoin.
How do people try?
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self.depression
|
I just want to talk about my depression. No. Not sadness. Not laziness. Not my procrastination. My actual fucking depression. You don't seem to understand that I feel nothing. You don't seem to understand when you tell me "Why didn't you just DO your essay?" And I reply with "I couldn't" that I'm telling the truth. It doesn't help that you only follow up with "Yeah, but you could've just done it!?" You've apparently HAD depression, to the point where you had ideation. Well, I'm starting to doubt your story, because you never seem to act like you know what depression is.
Instead, you act like I don't want to be in University. You're supposed to be my friend, you *know* I have diagnosed chronic depression. You *know* I stopped going to counseling. You *know* I went to a mental health clinic and nobody there fucking cared when they released me after an hour. Didn't even help call a fucking taxi. You know all of this. Yet, I'm lazy. I'm just negative. Can we just for once allow me to blame fucking something on my goddamn fucking depression. I'm not asking to blame why I took a taxi to school over a bus, "Oh because I have anxiety over the bus!!" No. I took the taxi because I was lazy. But I have a spending problem because I'm trying to filling my nothingness with something. I miss class because I can't get out of bed. I fail classes and don't write essays because I just can't do it. I can't. I pick up the fucking pencil, and I just fucking can't. Why is this not a valid reason? Because it's not logical?! At what point has depression ever really been logical. If it was, we wouldn't have it.
And you're not the only one who sweeps it under the rug. I've told everyone I'm close to, except my parents, but when I barricade myself in my room without eating or go two weeks without talking to anyone, nobody bats an eye. When I go to a mental health clinic at 1am and nobody wants to talk about it ever again. But, it's fine. It doesn't bother me, you know why? Because nothing bothers me. Because I can barely fucking feel anything other than emptiness and this swirling pit of anxiety at the bottom of my stomach. But for once, for fucking once, I want to talk about it. I need to talk about it. I don't know what's normal, and I think I might need more help than even I know.
We're supposed to be psychology and sociology students. We're supposed to understand the importance of mental health. But we don't. When we're faced with actual mental illness, we back away, hide ourselves from it as if it's contagious. For some reason we only accept when people get sad and call it "depression" or when you get nervous and suddenly have anxiety. As long as you are okay and "back to normal" in a few days. Nobody actually wants to deal with real mental illness. They want it sugar coated and sunshine and rainbows and happy quotes as if telling me "you're perfect and you have nothing to be anxious about!" On a piece of fucking paper taped to the washroom stall is going to make anyone fucking feel better.
I want it to stop being the butt end of jokes. I want to have the freedom to blame it for things it actually effects, to call it what it fucking is; an illness. I want to have a serious conversation.
I just want to talk about my fucking depression.
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self.depression
|
Sometimes I wish I had cancer or something so people wouldn't expect anything of me The bottom left of my ribcage hurts like a bruise but there's no visible bruising or anything like that. Been that way for a few days. Here's to cancer and giving up boys. 🍻🍻
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self.depression
|
Ordered a cake over the phone... I just ordered a cake over the phone for my son's birthday. It's really difficult to talk over the phone in general, but it was doubly so because it was an echo-y connection, I had to keep asking her to repeat herself. She sounded like a young, totally ambivalent retail worker who was ready to "accidentally" hang up. I got a little sweaty from the whole ordeal. I'm only about 40% confident that the cake will come out right but I'm gonna try to forget it for now and try not to worry too much. How do you all deal with service people over the phone? Why do I feel like I should apologize for asking them to perform their job?
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self.Anxiety
|
I act like I have so little time left because I fear that I will be dead soon, mum. Having been depressed my entire life without truly ever telling anyone or getting help, besides those few months of counselling in Sixth Form after X cheated on me, I feel like my years are numbered. The reason I dedicate myself so much to my music is because it is both the reason I am alive and the only thing keeping me alive. I feel like to 'slow down' or 'take my time' would effectively be signing my suicide note, at this point in time.
It really seems like it's only a matter of 'when' until I won't be able to take this anymore. When that day comes I want to be able to leave some albums or some singles behind for people to listen to, decades from now, and think "Man, he was really something." Because If I don't ever get to that point, in my eyes, I have achieved nothing in my life.
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self.offmychest
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I spend almost 20 hours a day in bed The 4-7 hours I spend awake, I drink. Either alone or with my buddys. I give up. Every attempt at making my life better has ended in failure. I am done trying. I am not happy, I am not sad, I am just an empty hollow shell of a person. I am only 25 for fucks sake.
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self.depression
|
I think I'm having an existential crisis. Would like some insight... Hi,
I'm an 18-year-old trans male. My transition couldn't be better. In 3 days I'll be 1 year on testosterone, I've got amazing friends and family that fully support me, however, from times to times (getting more often) I get this intense feeling of utter uselessness.
I got a job 5 months ago as a programmer because I love this area. I learnt and still am learning things extremely fast. The company I'm in place is where I made my friends, they highly value me there because I care so much about my job, I do my best every day and am excited about everything regarding technology. I was just moved to another project written in another programming language, they did this because they know I'll be able to catch up and learn the new syntax fast, but I don't think so.
However, even though I'm experiencing this amazing opportunity, I think my future will be a failure. The reason? I stopped caring about my grades this year (I'm a senior and will graduate in 1 month). My average was about 94 - 96 until the second bimester of this year, which coincided when I got the job.
Besides being trans, I've got aspergers, which contributed with my dedication and obsession about programming. I get these are the thoughts I'm having more and more often when I'm not in my happy state at work:
- I don't think I'll be able to pass our country's SAT version
- I think I will slow don't the project I was put in
- I think my time in school is not worth taking the time which could be better spent on work learning things I love
- I think I have no hope and I'll end up stuck in life
- When I'm happy, I get sad afterwards because I know this won't last forever
- I think nothing has really a meaning and that all the feeling will fade away
- I think my teachers think I am losing my life because my grades are failing
- I am afraid of telling my coworkers/friends that I don't care about school anymore and they will feel like it's their fault because they hired me
- I think I won't be able to have a relationship
- I don't care about anything besides my current obsession/job
- I am extremely annoyed with anything
- I am extremely anxious about losing my friends
- I think I am farse
- I think I annoy people
- I think people don't really care about me
There are more, but I don't want to take much of your time. The questions are: is this normal? How do I stop this? How can I be happy outside work? How can I care about other stuff?
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self.depression
|
For years I've seen myself as a champion of my own anxiety. Tonight I realized how important it is not to go through this alone. I've gone through something the last few days I never really thought I would. Now that I've calmed down I want to share what happened here.
Basically, my anxiety has manifested itself in many forms and for many reasons before. First it was OCD, then my first panic attack while in college, then hypochondria over low energy from rexovering from a bad attack (that actually lasted months and might have been complicated by some mono haha). Then things got better. REALLY better, and after two years of almost no anxiety issues I've truly felt like--even though I have anxiety disorder--it never has me.
But I also want to share that I've always loved binge drinking, and while I have at times been completely functional and happy while having fun on weekends, it always creeps up on me how unhappy it makes me. AND, how much it invades with my subconcious.
For the last year I have lived, comfortably and generally happy, in a new town. I have maybe had three panic episodes -- all sudden, and while scary I calmed myself down because I knew what they were--and moved on.
For some reason I felt this great sense of empowerment that I lived alone and could just ...laugh off an attack. But the problem was that I was seeing them as random, and not my body trying to send a signal
A few weeks ago I quit drinking and began focusing on my fitness. Since then I think my real problems began to slowly creep into my conscious.
I don't like feeling alone. I don't like my job. I feel stuck. And I've been awful with my finances and have not done anything to better my situation. I gained weight, lost self esteem (I'll admit I've always been a good looking dude. I know I am. But I hate the way I look and feel right now). I have debt and bills I've put off and through all of this I'd let myself "just go enjoy yourself" or "go have a drink or two and unwind." Meanwhile I'm getting no closer to achieving my goals of finding a better job, saving money, seriously dating and starting towards having a family...all things I def want.
Well, since cutting the alcohol and letting these issues come to a head I began feeling this insanely intense stress response. I lost my appetite, felt major mood swings, buzzing in my head, ear ringing, neck pain, racing thoughts...the classic stress symptoms, and no matter what I told myself I could not get it to go away for 3 days. I had felt this feeling before, but never for so long, so it began to worry me and make me even more anxious and depressed and out of control.
Today I felt like I either needed to just break down and cry or run away...drive all the way back home...and just fall into my mother's arms like a little kid would. It was so overwhelming that I just called her and cried on the phone. I even got my Dad, who is a classic tough guy, to talk me through these things. We addressed what's likely causing me to feel this way and built a plan around how to attack it. I basically admitted to him on the phone that I've not been who I want to be, or proud of who I am, and just saying that to him felt like a weight off my shoulders. It was great to hear him be supportive and tell me admitting a problem was a positive thing, and then the rest of the convo became positive and i felt a positive feeling and thought a positive thought for the first time in 3 days
I guess what I'm getting at is...this is all more complex than we think sometimes. It's wild how true it is that GAD is linked to the way we react to our stress, and how combatting it is the key.
But more than anything, if you're feeling overwhelmed or at your worst, don't try to go alone. Go to anyone...a shrink, a family member, a friend, even a coworker...and let your anxiety out in the open. Don't let it stew in your head.
Make it a target for you, and have a team to help attack it with you. I'm hoping I will begin to feel clearer tomorrow and this will blow over like my past episodes, but tonight was a great reminder that even if you think something isn't bothering you...it's in the back of your mind, waiting to pounce.
One thing I've always told people about living with GAD is that sometimes it feels like it gives me a kick in the balls in the right direction. I've had my worst moments with it as my worst self, and I've made my biggest leaps and found my happiest moments when I listen to why it's happening.
I know this is long stream of consciousness but I hope it's relatable to some on here. I've been in some very low points and conquered them, and now that I've got more conquering to do I hope you know it's possible -- no matter what it is-- and that things really do get better.
If you ever feel the need to talk to anyone about anxiety, my DMs are open.
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self.Anxiety
|
[NAW] how do you not hate yourself when you're almost 30 but never loved or been in love? It sucks balls doing what you're supposed to do every time and everyday, not for people's sake but because you know you're better than not doing so.
When people tell you how smart, funny, interesting you are, yet you go home everyday to your empty apartment, day in day out.
I know that life is unfair, I know it because it's working out for me in many directions, but everyone deserves love. and even if not I feel like I've earned it now
No one deserves to be this alone, especially around friends and coworkers whom are all paired and happy to go home to someone
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self.offmychest
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I think I’m Aunt Petunia.. I know I’m her actually, I get so jealous and nosy. I’m gossipy. I am defensive about the things I like and hate people in general...anyway you probably picture why Aunt Petunia from Harry Potter I probably have the trait. What do I do?
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self.offmychest
|
I'm going to fail again I'm so fucking lazy. I'm going to fail again, and I can't stop myself. This year was going to be different. Instead I'm the same old me. I know what needs to be done but I can't do it. I'm going to fail my exams, and then what will I tell everyone? I'm a liar, a fraud and if anyone really knew me they would be horrified. I wish I was dead.
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self.depression
|
Meds may numb me a little, but this is all in my head. Therefore the only person who can really help me is me. And I've tried, but I keep failing. I just can't keep failing any more. With my meds now gone, I just can't do this.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I know the cure to my depression, but I can't reach it. I have had depression since the beginning of 2013.
A year later however, I became somewhat a popular kid in school. Having friends and being the center of attention stopped my depression.
However, a string of events happened where most of my friends left me to rot alone. And for the last 3 years, I find myself having no friends. Most of my old "best mates" pretend we never knew each other in the first place. Everyone who I loved don't care about me.
I went from being the happiest kid on the planet, to now a loser that no one talks to. I am so haunted by this experience, it's hard for me to socially interact with anyone. I find myself trapped in my own body like a prison and I just want to kill myself.
I just want friends.
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self.depression
|
Recently got through a break up Starting with some background, I have dated a pretty good number of guys, probably 10, and every time I get into a relationship it always ends in less than 2 months. I honestly cant tell if its me or them but it never fails and this last one ended the same way. We were happy for a little while but then i feel lile my depression kicks in and gets me to destroy it. I get too needy and possessive and its like I can't stop myself. Im not like that as a person, the only time it happens is when I try to fall in love, I just want to be happy and its like I wont let myself. It always gets worse right after the break up too, and I always secretly want it to happen but then when it does i go crazy, i text them constantly and beg them to come back. Its like im trying to destroy any last possible reasoning they cpuld have to get back together with me. I want to actually have a relationship and I dont know what to do, please help.
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self.depression
|
Why do I feel like this? I seriously can’t deal anymore. I just wish I would die already. This anxiety and depression is overwhelming me. I don’t want to do anything anymore. Why can’t I just snap out of it? I don’t/can’t move from the same spot after work. Why do I feel like this? Why won’t this pain stop? Why won’t I just die already? These feelings I have feel like a slow death. My chest hurts and I can hardly breath. I know I sound crazy and I feel even crazier. I came here because I don’t have an outlet.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I used to smoke Fender, but overtime the brand started to taste somewhat like metal, and they were starting to get way to big when I just wanted to have a quick, five minute smoke. That's when I switched to Caran d'Ache. Much better.
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self.offmychest
|
I might be in love with my best friend. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Just coasting through existence. I started college this September and began full of optimism and desire to start a fresh. How foolish I feel now I only comparable by being equal to how shitty I feel. All my previous friends used to enjoy my company... I think... but now they ignore me. They open my messages and don't engage in conversations to meet up. I've tried being frank and open and very receptive about their lives, desires and things that they strive for but all I get is blank stares and ignored message. My new friends that I made at college started off interested and happy to talk to me but now I have been ignored and left out of many things despite voicing my interest in them. Now I barely see my college friends and they wont even give me a smile or time for a conversation. Now I just write and read and slowly disappear into my fantasy world which is now so in-depth no human could ever want to go near it. I just sit through days in and days out. Occasionally I go to people who seem lonely or upset and try my best to be a good human being but I feel the naivety of denying the fact I'm both lonely and alone creeping anytime I hear somebody talk about loneliness or something similar. I have suffered with diagnosed depression since my second year of high school but have lived with the symptoms as long as I can remember. Maybe there is something wrong with me and I'm just some naïve asshole complaining on a reddit forum about how lonely I am despite deserving it.
TLDR: I'm lonely and worthless and probably deserve it.
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self.depression
|
One last try Long story short. I have ADHD. Everyone includingg school and counsellors would suggest that I have it. I know for sure that I have ADHD. Because I grew up in narsisstic environment I was always minimized and said that I have nothing and that I'm lazy. My Narcissist father was able to manipulate the doctors into believing that I do not have ADHD. Even though the school itself sent me to the tests. They didn't ask me anything. I was not asked how I feel or what are my thoughts. I didn't get the chance to tell my truth like the kids who were diagnosed. I will not get too into my symptomps because I am tired of explaining how I work. It's like having to say thousands of times that I have dark brown hair. Whenever I do the online tests I always score very high. Tomorrow I will be visiting doctors who will hopefully appoint me with the right psychiatrists. I am very afraid they won't take me seriously. I have read many stories where people manage to get the diagnosis only after millions of attempts. I have already explained this same thing to psychiatris but all I got was "ok, but hey try to find a place where you could have help on monday" I do not have the money or the patience. I WILL NEVER CHANGE. I WILL NEVER ADAPT. So if this doesn't work I'm ending my life.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
feeling worthless... what's the point in going on? *tw* i don't feel like there is any point to me carrying on living anymore.
i don't know... i just hat my life. all my school work is too much, but i am dealing with that.
the main issue is my parents.
i finally moved out and am living in a hostel. i managed to get away from their toxicity - or so i thought.
but all the things my mum has said and done is still affecting me greatly.
i have panic attacks whenever i hear anyone shout or speak in a certain tone of voice (accusatory, maybe? i can't describe it :/)
i had to stay at my parents house over the weekend due to a leak cutting off all electricity to my floor of the hostel, meaning no cooking or shower facilities.
i was only meant to e at my parents friday night. they'd already taken me back to the hostel on saturday but then the leak happened...
everything was alright between us mostly. but then sunday happened and my mum just wouldn't stop shouting at me and my dad and using that horrible tone of voice.
so, while i was trying to get to sleep last night, i was in a constant state of panic...
and my dad is trying to force me to see a movie with my mum on friday night... i dont want to and wont have the energy for it anyway and will be very tired...
but i will have to go or hear about how i am so uncaring and selfish...
i can't deal with this bullshit.
i don't see a point in living coz its just going in this endless cycle of bad and worse.
after school today i might as well just cut and keep cutting until i either feel something or hit and artery and bleed out... or i could go into town instead of going home and jump into the thames? Or just jump in front of a train. i just don't want to exist anymore. everything is too much. i don't want to live just to be told how worthless i am by my mum whenever i see her...
i could end it right here in school if i wanted. i have my blades. or i could make it simple and just jump off the balcony...
i want this to just end already...
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Why did I let it get so bad? Became severely depressed and ended up not going to 2 quarters in college. Since then I've taken a one year break. GPA dropped down from 3.5 to 1.55. No idea what I can do now. Been working at a restaurant in the meantime but I cannot handle it much longer. I'd like to go back to college but have no idea how to do so. I feel like there isn't much for me to do career wise and I'm going to be stuck working the restaurant life forever.
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self.depression
|
Depression and Creativity Hi all, I am doing a study about creative inspirations and I am especially interested in the input of depressed individuals. If you have some time to distract yourself from this suffocating world, please fill out this survey, it would be much appreciated. Help me help you.. Thanks!!
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScrdt-TIDp4NTm9uVoHev-78cwfYdUMP4YjowpfDLdwuVsWhA/viewform?c=0&w=1
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self.depression
|
Lithium & Hand Tremors I'm checking to see if anyone here has experience with hand tremors. My lithium dose is 900mg. When I hold my hands out flat they look okay. However, when I try to write or grip something they begin to shake. Just wanted to find out about some other experiences. Also, how long does it take to go away if my dose is lowered?
Thanks!
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self.bipolar
|
Turns out one of me delusions was real! I feel pretty validated and less “crazy”. Anyone else experience this? My delusion was that someone ding dong ditching me at random times for days. I’d be cooking,doing laundry etc and hear my obnoxious doorbell ring. I’d run to see if someone was there and every time no one was there. I became so paranoid that I sat out on the front patio waiting for someone to ring the damn bell. It was frustrating and annoying and honestly super troubling because it seemed so freaking real.
I got home today and my roommate told me he HEARD the doorbell ring multiple times with no one being there. I’m not crazy!! He was frustrated and annoyed with the situation. We talked to another one of my roommates and he explained that sometimes doorbells will randomly ring when they have low batteries. Well fuck. We replaced the batteries and all is well.
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self.bipolar
|
I don’t deserve food I dont deserve to eat. I look at pictures of food online and I just cry and cry because it all looks so good and I just want to eat something other than cabbage and celery and carrots. I just want to eat a sandwich or anything with meat in it. I want to eat an egg or a piece of toast with jam and peanut butter. I want to so badly that it physically hurts.
But I can’t, because I’m ugly and my legs are lumpy and thick and my body is just so disproportionate. My calves are almost as wide as my thighs. I want to throw up just looking at my legs. I get the urge to chop off the extra muscle with a kitchen knife.
Im paranoid that all the scales in the gym are lying to me because there is no way I am 110 pounds at 5’9 and there is no fucking way that my BMI is 16. Everything feels like a lie. Except the mirror, because that never lies. And its telling me that I look like a fucking elephant.
All I ever wanted was to be pretty and skinny. I can’t be pretty so I can try to be skinny. But the universe is even denying me that one thing. I don’t want much. I just want to have thin stick legs like the ones models have. I dream about wearing skirts and dresses and tights and skinny jeans and leggings. I feel cheated because I’ll never be able to feel good in my body, no matter how much I torture myself and how miserable I make myself losing this weight.
I dont know what I’ll do if I reach 100 pounds and I still look like this. Maybe I’ll continue and get to 90 pounds, but I don’t think I can continue living if I went through all the trouble of losing 25 pounds and my calves are still the same size. I really really dont think I can let myself live after that.
Sorry if that was a bit grotesque. I ate 1300 calories yesterday and I have nothing but pure loathing for my disgusting vomit inducing body.
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self.offmychest
|
To all the nosy and controlling people I've met in my life You have no life that's why you're trying to live other people's lives instead. Look in the damn mirror when you give "advice" and leave us alone. Get a life don't try to hijack other people's lives!
I have a short life (as does everyone) and I'm not going to waste even another second even just thinking about your b.s. (negativity) , I suggest you do the same.
Every second of my life from now on is purely devoted to loving God, myself, and others.
Life is too damn short for any second of b.s. I don't care what "authority" or "credibility" you think you have... you never own anyone else's life but your own!
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self.offmychest
|
Suicide jokes There is this girl at my school who always tells suicide jokes. It makes me feel bad because she makes it sound so trivial, even though I’ve attempted suicide before. I asked her to stop, but she told me that I was being too sensitive. What should I do?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Dear mind, f*ck you Fuck I dont know how much longer I can take it. I have an identity crisis, since August my mind tells me that I should die and now I think I shouldve killed myself in August. I feel like since August a part of my person slipped away. I feel like I shouldnt be here anymore and the more time passes the worse it gets. Guess what, I am terrified of 2018 and feel suicidal just thinking about it.
I FEEL TRAPPED IN LIFE, IN TIME, IT IS HORRIFYING! I DONT KNOW HOW I CAN EVEN CELEBRATE NEW YEARS FUCK
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Hey friends, I often feel like I don't do enough This kind of comes from a lot of things.
* My country is going to vote on something unpopular soon that would hurt poorer people. This would also technically benefit me, which makes it extra uncomfortable.
* I feel I don't help enough on subs like this, though I am a college student studying a tougher subject, so I don't have a huge amount of time, but still...
* my area of study isn't like an EMT, nurse, or doctor. More sciencey.
* I don't currently give money to charity. Literally all I've done in the past year was give one guy a bit of money for a meal.
I'm sorry this is so long. I just feel like a bad person for all of this. Like, there are so many people whose lives I could help but don't. I feel really selfish and guilty a lot. It's not enough.
Anyway, thank you for reading. You're all amazing people, and I really hope you manage depression as I am trying to. I hope all of you the absolute best.
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self.depression
|
I quit my job today. I’m so worried I made the wrong choice and messed up my life. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Anxiety when I wake up. Most of my anxiety is when I wake up. I’ll wake up and get a sudden bit of anxiety which lasts a few hours and I have no choice but to wait for it to be over and it’s so horrible (I’m actually doing it right now and realised a subreddit like this would exist so yeah)
Also I’m in respite at the moment, is all this something they could help with? (I’m also seeing a psychiatrist but there’s a lot more going on with me then this)
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self.Anxiety
|
There is no 'It gets better' Ive already screwed up my life, its tok hard to fix, and i dont even want to fix it. I dont want help for my mental illnesses,i dont want to save up money and get a house and whatever, i dont wabt to travel the world one day, life is just bullshit after bullshit and even if its great for a long time, something bad will happen again, and in the end we will all die anyway. I have known about this sub for about 5 or 6 years, and ive wanted to die this whole time, but ive gotten to the point where there is no way i can move forward with my life. There is nothing that will make me happy or content enough to think life is worth continuing. I know if i died it would hurt people but they are all going to die too, everyone dies and no ones life really matters. In these 6 years ive been searching for a reason to live and i dont have a single one. I dont want to die i really dont but i cant live anymore i dont know what to do
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Hey all new guy here:) Hey guys I’m pretty new to this anxiety thing it happens every once in a while for a week or two. Just have some questions. Does your anxiety also come in waves? Like I can be playing video games fine then for 10 minutes randomly I get all panicky and sweaty. Happens pretty often during the day, is this normal?
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self.Anxiety
|
If you have a good relationship with your parents, please appreciate them I recently found out my mom's terminal cancer is back and within probably a couple years at most she will be gone.
Now it seems like everywhere I look I hear young people complaining about their parents. I know some people don't have a good relationship with their mom and/or dad, and I'm not criticizing anyone for that.
Just...to people who do get along with their parents, please, cherish every moment you have with them. Don't avoid their calls or blow them off. One day they'll be taken from you and those times when you didn't treat them well will haunt you. It's haunting me every moment of every day now.
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self.offmychest
|
Who is on disability and how do they cope with it? I've been on disability for 10
Years now. At first it was great, helped me actually finish college and even get an mfa. But I graduated 5 years ago and still don't have a job. At first I didn't want one. I think I was in a sort of...extended mania where I thought if i just made art all day something would somehow work out. Now I find myself staring into the void of nothingness, feeling like 'wtf am I doing', wasting so much of my time, becoming increasingly unmotivated. Most all my friends now have careers, houses, families, while I feel left behind, barely one step above being homeless.
To be frank, it's made me a bit suicidal.
I very much want a job and have been applying, but so far without luck. Having no work experience or references isn't helpful. Also, while I feel I need and want a job, that having the structure and social obligations would help me, the thought of actually having that much commitment scares me. Both job and no job feels overwhelming. But ultimately pursuing a job feels like the right thing.
For ppl who were on disability then went back to work, how did you do it? Both in terms of overcoming the mental obstacles, and in terms of explaining a lack of work experience, even getting your foot in the door to begin with?
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self.bipolar
|
Antipsychotics [discussion] [x-posted] Hey everyone, first time poster here. I cross-posted from r/bipolar.
So I wanted to see if anyone has experienced something like what I've gone through in regards to meds. I was diagnosed in May of 2016, started mood stabilizers (thank sweet baby Jesus for these) and was put on antipsychotics in August of that same year. Before I was on ap's, even when I was cycling or having an episode, I could think. I mean, I could write, think abstractly, be creative. This is important to me bc writing is one of my coping mechanisms. I noticed myself becoming dull after I was put on ap's. I had to try with my writing that once came easily, and my creativity was squashed. I had difficulty with Intro English essays (college student). They absolutely helped with my depression, but I felt stifled. I stopped taking them in March bc I just could not deal with feeling like that anymore, and I'm starting to feel like myself again. Still on my mood stabilizers though. I am not demonizing ap's, I know every body is different, but I wonder if this has happened to anyone else. Thanks for your comments.
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self.bipolar
|
My parents forced me today to accept a job. I feel like I have no control of my own life. I'm 19. I got no friends. I don't do anything (I been home since I ended high school last June). I got the mindset that I don't wanna be a "work slave" till I'm 65 years old and then my life is over. (My therapist didn't had anyway to cope with this thought)
My mom told me a few days ago that her brothers girlfriends dad had a job for me. I don't have to work full time and probably only a few times a week/month. Sounds good right? Thing is! I don't wanna work to get money, cause I don't have any friends or anything to spend it with. I wanna go to a job to make a friend or maybe more. She told me the people that work there are around 25-40 years old. Which is not people I wanna know, cause they aren't my age so they will never be the friends I want on my free time in life. So there's no "value" knowing them. My mom called my dad and said "you gonna go to this work u got no choice". So they basically even doe I'm legal I'm 19, they still have full control over everything I do... Apparently.
I feel like I have no fucking control of my own life they just do and make my decisions however they want. I said "fine 1 month". Then I quit if I don't like it. They said "nope it will be 2 months". Nothing I could say to stop it then they hang up and said this is happening.
I'm 19 and have no impact on whatever I do in life. They make every decision, that impact me. I just wanna cry right now. Not sure if it's cause I'm scared of being there alone without feeling safe or.
I JUST FEEL LIKE A CHILD. 😭
I wish I lived in a apartment, with a partner and had friends and I didn't have to be around my family, I would love to tell them "I don't like you guys, fuck off my life" (childish thing to say but idk else to phrase it).
Also yesterday I went grocery shop ALONE, this was my "homework" I got from my therapist last week. I already done it 1/3 times. My parents want me to go at the speed of light".
|
self.depression
|
advice is needed, please. hi everyone,
i'm a 24 year old male, who has been suffering with GAD, Pure O, depersonalisation, and depression for about 5 years or so. It seems to cycle, and ultimately seeps into everything, preventing sleep, and hindering my life.
i was wondering if you could please advise me as to how i can get this under control? but more specifically than just exercising more / eating right. i was hoping more for what exercise you do, what you eat etc.
thank you.
|
self.depression
|
Is it normal? Is it normal to google different ways to kill yourself because you feel overwhelmed with life? I can’t do simple tasks like leave the house on my own? I haven’t been to work in 6 weeks? What’s the point in living when I feel inadequate?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
If I don’t qualify for USAMO, I will finally get the balls to kill myself. I guess I have 3 months to decide my fate. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Hitting a low, no drive to do anything For the last week or so it's been hitting me hard. I have no drive to get up and do anything, all I want to do is stay in bed and sleep. I've been sleeping or trying to sleep up to 14 hours a day. It's the end of term as well so I have assignments, and exams to do, but I just can't bring myself to care about them, or passing.
I can't come to terms with something that happened. My only other post outlines it. I did something terrible, and now I can't feel alright as a person. I don't think I deserve the friends I have now, and I don't trust myself with people anymore. I can't talk to the people in my life about it, or I won't because I'm scared they'll abandon me, but at the same time I feel like I probably deserve it.
|
self.depression
|
I am so FUCKING angry Edit: I deleted this post because it was uncalled for and mean. So anyone who was offended by this and hated me I’m sorry. I hope you can love me one day and I can love myself.
|
self.depression
|
I feel like the only people I can connect with are other depressed people. Title says it all. I have a decent amount of friends, but the ones I truly feel close to are also depressed. They understand what it's like to not want to get out of bed, to not want to see anybody or go out, to feel completely empty.
I remember the closest I ever felt in a long time was when I was in the psych ward less than a year ago for a suicide attempt, and I met this girl who was in there who seemed just like me. Since there was nothing to do we talked a lot, and it just felt reassuring that there was somebody just like me. I wish I had gotten her number. I wish I still knew somebody I could relate to on that level.
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self.depression
|
I lost 10lbs in two days, the mental symptoms are crossing over to physical symptoms. I've been pretty down since the new year. It's supposed to be this time to change, and get one's life on track again, but I've basically been sleeping and having vivid nightmares for the past two days and not eating or taking my meds. Obviously, that coupled with severe night sweats can cause some pretty drastic weight loss. I normally weigh 190ish, and now I'm down to 179. I'm afraid that things will get worse in this year, and I'm so alone.
|
self.depression
|
Some Questions and Story Hello, I'm a young man with bipolar type 2. My mother and brother both have type 1 and we speculate that my dad may be a carrier of the gene. I've been diagnosed with BP for about 3 years. Doctors were reluctant to diagnose me but hey, the shoe fitted and it ran in the family. Plus a 6 day cycle of no sleep and staying awake straight kinda didn't help my cause of not having it. I went through a pretty hard high school, being top in state and top 10 school in the nation. The extreme stress helped bring it out. I've been on many medicines and only a handful have helped. Having this disorder sucks complete and total ass. Mania takes hold for months on end sometimes and wrecks my life. Depression does the same. Not to mention the high irritability and increased anger with mania. I've been at the breaking point a few times and probably should have been committed but we didn't have money and I couldn't miss a day of class in college. It seems to be increasingly hard to deal with this even though I'm medicated. And it doesn't help that the medications I've been on have either made me physically sick or have made me gain mass amounts of weight. I was 220lbs before my medicine. 3 years later and I'm nearly 300lbs with little to no change in my diet or activity. I gained 20lbs in 2 weeks from saphris. That's has taken a toll on my mentality. The only good thing is that I fell in love and got engaged however, bipolar has almost destroyed my relationship. My questions are has anyone else had the massive weight gain and how do you get rid of it? I can't stop my medicine or else I lose it. My diet and exercise are hard to change since I make so little and go to school during the day and don't get home till 8pm. How do people handle this disorder? How do you not just lose it all and breakdown?
|
self.bipolar
|
My boyfriend told me to go talk to reddit if i cant take is insensitive comments about how i feel. So here i am.
|
self.depression
|
I can't handle any of this anymore, I'm completely broken. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
It’s 2am and I want it to end so I don’t have to feel this pain anymore It’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep.
I spent hours carving a design into a linoleum block. I inked it, printed it, wrapped it, and addressed it to him.
The package is still sitting in the back of my car from when I didn’t give it to him when I saw him Friday morning.
He broke my heart months ago. I told him I would need awhile to recover. I told him I deserved better and that he needed to stop acting like a coward.
But he was also my best friend. The first person I ever *really* loved. And truthfully, I still do.
The thought of him being with anyone else makes me feel sick.
My family says I deserve better than him, but I CANNOT stop thinking about him. He invades my every thought. He ends up in most of my dreams at night.
I’m in college now, and I don’t even live in the same city, but I still fantasize about the times that he held me and made me feel at home.
He could never love me like that again.
Loving him is ruining me.
I’m tired. I’m sad. The thoughts are getting bad again.
I just wake up, and feel like throwing myself off a bridge so I don’t have to feel like I do. I just want to stop pining. I want to stop missing him. My heart just fucking hurts.
There is a tiny glimmer of hope that he might still want me, but I know that even if he did, I’m almost positive that it wouldn’t actually be good for me.
He is so angry. He is so emotionally unavailable. He is so unstable. He is so lacking in motivation. He is so dishonest. He is so sneaky.
See, there is a chance that if I was with him, I would get hurt. But I’m already hurting anyway, so I feel like there is nothing to lose.
I just feel like my mind is getting so bad again. I want the hurt to please, please, please stop.
Oh god, please, make it stop.
“Repeat to yourself that they’re not really gone” the song says that I play on repeat when I know I need to stop listening to it because it is so so sad and makes me feel so sad.
“You were the one that cared too much, not them”
Is that true?? It must have been. Maybe not. I don’t know. I DONT KNOW
“Become a secondary character in your own motion picture”
This is what I feel like. I’m in the backseat of a pilotless vehicle heading toward a dead end
I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM
punch a wall
throw something
run until I puke
I can’t do this anymore. I need him. I need to tell him how I feel. WHAT if he feels he same??? I’ll never know IF I KEEP DOING THIS.
I feel like I’m leaning over the edge of the deep end of an empty swimming pool.
THIS IS WHAT MY BRAIN FEELS LIKE
I feel fucking insane. I need to stop running in these circles and just TALK to him before I lose my mind. But can I handle the possibility of heartbreak?
My fuses are short and when I’ve only got one left will I explode?
“My life is shit because I deserve it, right?”
“DONT FIGHT IT”
“You don’t need other people to drive away your loneliness, you just needed to find a way to talk to it”
Tell me it will be okay. Tell me what to do. Tell me if I should talk to him.
I need closure. I need to put my mind to rest.
I want to be okay
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Don’t be scared. They’re just people Little phrase that has helped me ground myself in moments of intense anxiety over a perceived misstep during a social interaction, etc.
I find that much of my social anxiety is steeped in the over-glorifying of others and the degradation of my own self worth. But everyone else is just human, as well, with a myriad of their own issues and imperfections that we just can’t see.
I feel that it helps to keep things in perspective as anxiety works to unravel rational thought and replace it with outlandish ideas.
Good luck in your fight, everyone! I’m right here with you
|
self.Anxiety
|
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