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Thinking about suicide I’m 19 years female live in shit
In arabian shit world i cant move i cant go out i cant do anything when i’m alone i imagine another life pink amazing life without my parents without anyone i can be free without anyone tell me what to do without anyone hurt my feeling
I try once to suicide when i was 15 i cant see any life in my life i cant see what the world look like in my window i dont know what outside my house i cant live like this no one can help me ether you cant call someone to help because the law already responsible of this i cant run away i cant do shit the only thing i can do is run of my life i can be free and peaceful forever
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self.depression
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I want to just drive until I'm far enough away [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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A girl that I talk to only on the internet (for a long time) asked me out and I'm scared to go [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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The army doesn’t believe I’m suicidal... About 4 or 5 weeks ago, I finally broke down and found the courage to go to behavior health after everything started falling apart around me.
They had me take a test that basically said I don’t have a disorder like bipolar, ptsd and so on... cool, I could have told them that. But because I don’t have a disorder I must be “fine” and I’m just saying the buzzwords.
They don’t seem to give a fuck about the fact I bought a knife just for the sole purpose for the day I finally decide I’m done... which is most likely today
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self.SuicideWatch
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I just stated on meditation today and I'm a little uneasy [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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How the fuck do I keep me from killing myself? I'm so fucking depressed. I have no real friends. No hobbies besides gaming. I don't go outside and I'm too anxious to ever leave my room. I'm failing school. I'm a loser. All I really do is sleep or play video games for 10+ hours a day.
The fucking suicidal thoughts are all I can think of right now. I just *want to fucking die*.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I hate how we are reduced to our diagnosis Anyone here has this same situation? Every time i'm mad at something people will never take it serious and act like is my bipolar acting up.
"Have you been taking your meds?"
Is the one thing I hate the most hearing. Yes I have, you know what I haven't been taking? My food, because you ate it all and thats why I'm pissed.
Over here people live with their parents until marriage, and its alright specially here because my parents are divorced and my father gave us (his children) his part. Its a super big house and most days I go by without seeing anyone but sometimes life with people is really hard. While having this fight my mom said everyone loves me. I wonder who does, the sister who tells people I'm crazy or the one who says thats not any of my business if I ask if there is people over at my own house
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self.bipolar
|
To the guy that I cuddled with last night You asked me if your breath smelled bad and I said no, it smells like Fritos.
Sorry that I lied. It smelled like Fritos, vodka, and Mountain Dew and it was pretty disgusting.
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self.offmychest
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I can't handle the thought of being without her forever [deleted]
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self.depression
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The Way I Understand the World Preemptive TL;DR: Despite my best efforts to view the world as a positive place filled with good people, the world seems to suck right now, and I can’t justify it. All I can do is redirect my anger onto money and the value people place on it.
I am so mad. I am also exhausted. I didn’t sleep well last night, and that may totally be affecting my mood, but I just need to rant and try to achieve catharsis.
This week my employer sent out an email about a nearby, reported incident where a girl was seen being chased and then pulled into a vehicle with her pursuer. I woke up before my early morning alarm and couldn’t get back to sleep, because I realized that (unless it was just shenanigans) that girl might not “just” have been assaulted, or raped, or killed, but she could now be trafficked. Fuck that. Fuck that that’s even a feasible possibility. Then, the most recent Times article on the Harvey Weinstein scandal appeared in my inbox, and like an idiot I opened it. Now I’m just bristling.
I hate getting mad; I usually try to avoid it. In fact, when I get mad I remind myself that anger is actually just fear of injustice- and who am I to administer justice? I don’t know what motivated someone to do something. So, I then try to justify everyone else’s actions in the most favorable light possible. I choose to believe in God specifically so I can rely on an infallible justice system for the things I can’t justify, and can therefore let things go with easy forgiveness, acceptance, and hopefully understanding. My mentality has been a tool I use to assume every person I encounter is a good person, or at least tries to be. Yes, I recognize that this mentality-shield could also be construed as ignorance and allows me to enjoy the world passively, protecting me from having to “do something” about injustice in the world. But, it also allows me to be a nicer person. Anyway, what power do I have to make things right? And again, who am I to judge?
But, try as I might, I just can’t come up with a justification for the kind of shittiness that seems to be lurking around every corner today. Rape sucks, and murder sucks, but, I can come up with justifications for those (I’m not saying those justifications are legit, but I understand how someone can follow a train of thought and through a smoke screen of passion determine that what they’re doing isn’t completely deplorable). But profiting off of those actions- that means it’s meditated, planned, and implemented. Every step. Every cover up. Ugh. And in the end it always seems to be for money.
So many systems are failing those they are meant to protect for the sake of money. Religious leaders abuse those who look to them for guidance (in The Keepers they allegedly sold sexual favors with school children). Agents tell actresses to “let it go” when someone with money assaults them so they can get the next gig. Politicians bow to the whims of corporations who can help them afford a new yacht, rather than protect those people who need them to be their voice. Fuck money.
Money is power, and imparts so much more than just wealth. Money doesn’t buy favors- it simply curries them. Pile all your money thick enough and it can protect you from more than just hunger or homelessness. Corporations and industries can’t go homeless or hungry, be raped, get cancer from pollutants, or need surgery they can’t afford. They don’t need government to protect them, but people do. Infamous dickwad executives don’t need sympathy, but the 17 year-old who was told she needs to essentially prostitute herself to be worth anything does. And I don’t even know how anyone possibly excuses the abuse of power depicted in The Keepers.
I appreciate the concept of Karma. It’s essentially moral currency. I grew up with the understanding that moral currency has value. Every once in a while, the world reminds me that not everyone accepts and honors it, unlike Visa or MasterCard.
I just want to fast forward to the 25th century, where there is no money, and power is determined by worthiness. I want to follow Picard around chasing new experiences, and acting as ambassadors for human kind. While we, as a species, are prone to fear, anger (fear of injustice), and greed (fear of not having enough), we also are curious, clever, adaptive, and are possible of great compassion when we feel secure in ourselves and what we have. All we’d have left to fear is pain. Even then we’d know it is temporary.
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self.offmychest
|
Drama and commotion I've just half ass-ly tried to hang myself again. Rang my friend telling her I was going to probably overdose on 28 20mg fluoxetine capsules unless I walked myself to the hospital there and then. She rang her mum for advice and my friend rang the local hospital they said to ring 999. My friend said since she is in a different district she can't ring for me so I had to ring them myself. An ambulance is picking me up within 2 hours.
**TL;DR** An ambulance is picking me up after a lame ass suicide attempt and because I'm scared of my intentions.
Update: This really lame paramedic rang me and in a nutshell the ambulance won't pick me up because I promised that I won't hurt myself. She will get a crisis team in touch with me.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anxiety is stopping me from getting the girl I'm a 17 year old male currently in college in the UK and I've never had a girlfriend plain and simple. I've had anxiety since I was like 13 and it has negatively effected how I do things. When I went to college I was quick to form a group of friends however Imy still not fully confident with them friends and it's been over 2 months although I have improved drastically. I'm still the quiet one though but enough of that I'll get to the point. There's this girl I like doing the same course as me and she's in my friendship group but in that group I'm the one she's friends with the least. I text her a lot because that's the only way I'm confident but she's only ever text me first to ask where me and the group were (she gave me her number) but whenever the opportunity arises to talk face to face I bottle it. Last week she was sitting to my right the rest of the group was to my left it was the perfect chance but I didn't take it. Basically I'm more so asking how I can overcome anxiety and talk to her more and then hopefully she'll like me more when she sees the real me.
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self.Anxiety
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Goodbye This is only a... i don't know last goodbye I guess. I won't respond to anyone. I've offically abandoned life. Tomorrow morning i'm gonna hang myself from a construction building. That way when i hang if the rope breaks i'll fall to my death.
People lied to me... never told me the truth but being average? You can live that shitty life work for your minimum wage job while all the pretty boys get the girls. Not that it's the girls fault. Average/ugly men should just be thinned out there's too many of us. I just wanted to be loved by someone.
Goodbye. Life's a sick joke and that your willing to live it is the punchline...
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self.SuicideWatch
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Tomorrow i will go to the doctor and make a change in my life It's gone on for too long, I'm done with this nonsense holding me back
I'm going to the doctor and we're going to try and fix it.
I'm sick of sitting in silence and then speaking finally only to offend people, then coming home and considering suicide because I'm so bad at talking to people.
I want to be able to talk to people, not insult them and actually have an engaging conversation and really feel like I have e friends that care and support me as I do them.
Fuck negativity
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self.Anxiety
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I feel anxious every time I’m starting to fall for someone [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Watching this subreddit become a popularity contest Noping the fuck out of this one before it becomes /r/pics. Really liked the advice it used to have but it’s just become show and tell, or a selfie generator.
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self.bipolar
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Anyone else feel his/her pulse in the suprasternal notch? (the "hole" in your upper chest/lower neck)? I can palpate it and it worries me because wikipedia says a healthy human should not feel a pulse here. It could indicate thoracic aortic aneurysm.
But then again, I find some healthy people on the internet that can feel it. Can you?
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self.Anxiety
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What do you wish you knew or someone had told you, about depression ? [deleted]
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self.depression
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As someone with a food allergy, I need help coping with such an easily accessible 'out'. I'm terribly allergic to all nuts, have been for nearly 2 decades.
Other people that are suicidal have their means, but most require a certain degree of effort to obtain.
Meanwhile mine could be a mistake in preparation or the entire damn candy aisle.
How can I cope? It's utterly demoralizing whenever I shop or go out to eat because I'm constantly reminded that I could quit with just a peanut butter cup.
I want to get better and I'm on medication but I think I need something more.
I feel constantly overwhelmed and miserable.
I'd love advice or personal stories related to food allergies/depression/suicide. I think getting more perspectives would help.
Thanks in advance.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Restoring Clarity First off, just wanna warn you this post is long af so bear with me. Any straight up advice would be appreciated.
Just for a little background, I am 19(m) and have recently dropped out of university after only 2 months because I realised I made a rushed decision in picking it. Since then I have almost demonised the thought of going to university even if it were for another course. Of course this has left me with a year out which in many ways can be refreshing and useful in picking up on experiences for work and sociability. Yet at the moment I am constantly paralysed by thoughts that even getting out of bed is a challenge. I am awaiting checks for any conditions relating to anxiety and depression.
I have been going through depersonalisation which is very scary to me. The feeling of waking up not knowing the world as it is, feeling like a spectator to your physical self. I have been able to find a hunger for success in my life but at the moment this is blotted out by the sense that nothing feels real and lacking connection to the outside world. My social anxiety has become very intense recently but I’ve always had a desire to be sociable and open to others because I’ve always wanted to have plenty of friends. I have been able to control it for months at a time but it doesn’t help now that it’s become worse again. Distancing behaviour is also present which worries me because I have close friendships which are hard to take interest in when you feel empty as fuck. One of my best friends is at a local uni but I see him from time to time as he lives a minute away from me - even this feels isolating because I’m too overwhelmed by my thoughts. Feels like I’m sinking in wet sand while I’m watching everyone walk on. Really kills me.
Strangely I have lost all interest in activities which is quite offputting when it comes into mind, but that doesn’t stop me from doing them. I have started to gym 2-3 times a week and do badminton every Monday night - even then I feel like I’m sleepwalking through everything and nothing is actually happening. Playing pool calms me down too, I’d love to take on a sport competitively to keep me occupied.
Admittedly I spend too much time on technology. For years I have spent my free time alternating between education and just gaming and mindlessly scrolling through the internet - something which I feel is a stigma for why I feel so empty especially at this point in life. I have not had any family issues in life (unless sibling rivalry at a young age counts).
I have never experiences relationships, although I have been involved in situations with girls a few times. At the moment I would still be able to show interest in girls but never really feel a sort of connection beyond that as with anyone really. I feel like my mental problems have blocked off the idea of pleasure including relationships as I’m too overwhelmed with my thoughts of finding a purpose.
Socially I have been quite disconnected and very weirdly it feels like it’s ireelevant to me. This I would put down to depression because there have been plenty of times where I’ve felt an urge to socialise and I had no problem meeting new people at college. I go out clubbing from time to time but i always end up zoning out into my own world of pain, I can never connect myself to the present. Despite this people say I’m mature and can speak very fluently despite not feeling like this is the case. Also, simple concepts such as friendship feel non existent to me - one of the consequences of the forgetfulness I live through. Best way to describe my anxiety is its almost like I’ve been reborn in every way and have no idea how to live. And that really scares me.
As of now, the best way to describe myself is I feel alienated and lost. The world appears a completely foreign place to me and I fear a lot about the future (I’ve come to an assumption this is one of the other reasons for me feeling depressed). I have low self-esteem and have been beating myself down about everything recently. I find it hard to process information which is tiring, but against all odds I did manage to pass my driving test in August first time. A lot of days I feel very lonely yet I can’t help but isolate. As hard as it is to see the way forward amongst the fogginess that is my brain atm I have always maintained a strong interest in creative media and would like to start seeing sense in life in the present so I can live with clarity and happiness again rather than dreading on autopilot mode. I am living at home with my parents and my sister, depression makes me overlook the appreciation I should feel having a roof above my head - yet i still beat myself up because I feel like I should be experiencing life like a uni student should be at this age. Maybe it’s just a matter of loneliness rather than having to party every weekend at 19, it’s such a small thing when you think about it yet I feel suicidal when I realise I’m spending more time dwelling on the lives of others my age than trying to sort mine out... pls tell me that’s absolute irrational.
Recently I have been lapsing in and out of intense anxiety and this relates to worries of not being able to create a good future and ending up underachieving. Basically one thought resulting in another thought - times this by 500 or 600. I want to seek help but everything has become so distorted that I sometimes question whether my life is worth living - does this mean decluttering before pursuing my career?
I feel bad about myself and the fact that I don’t have a thicker skin but when you’re in such a state it’s so difficult to think logically even if starting off. I never want to disappoint my parents but hope is so thin when you go each day with a constant internal pain that not even close ones can understand. I just feel like a living zombie and my thoughts always tell me I’ll never be able to climb out of the hole.
(in short, depersonalisation, anxiety, possibly depression, hopelessness, lack of motivation is drowning out my desire to go and achieve and I’m not sure how to cope). As of now I go one day feeling ok and actually find motivation to do small tasks, the next I could feel suicidal and end up sitting in all day isolating myself - I really hate this and doesn’t define me at all. What makes me think I’m going insane is when someone speaks to me - my disassociative state becomes emphasised and once again this creates a new spiral of thoughts. My friend told me I’m just overthinking which makes sense in some ways but I still feel suicidal some days.
I hope to go travelling around Europe and apply for an apprenticeship next year (maybe with the BBC), I would love to start a YouTube channel as this involves techniques I learnt at college, also I would love to continue on with media whether it’s television production or editing. But for now my goal is to rediscover my well-being and see life in a positive perspective so I can wake up one day actually knowing who I am physically, spiritually, and identity wise.
I’m here on this earth in my own body. Small steps, but each one to better myself in some way. I want to break away from the spiral of living in fear and worry over every small action I make. At the moment I am in fear of the world and myself for reasons which I can not pinpoint but I want to reach a stage where I can lift myself out of the hole and keep rising.
Sorry for the long ass post, I’d be surprised if you’ve made it this far ;)
Even as I’m typing this now my mental state can’t even acknowledge what reddit is. So bad I know. Like I’m trapped in a hench-ass bubble around my mind.
If you have any advice or questions please let it out
If you need anyone to speak to about interests or whatever your mind can think of, don’t be afraid to drop me a message... stay positive :)
(In short: I’m going through anxiety and depression which has got me in a state of irrational overthinking and feeling constant fear. I still feel a drive to succeed in life but also being dragged into a spiral of depression no matter how hard I try. DP/DR making me feel super paranoid about everything. Always have a desire to get back on track but am in a state of total confusion and worry...)
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self.depression
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How to deal with hypersexuality So I pretty much discovered I was bipolar through my shifting sex drive. In a "right frame of mind" I'm 100% a relationship person. I want one partner and my sexual attraction tends to develop over time with stronger feelings.
I started to notice I was having trouble keeping my mindset like this and started to engage in A LOT of risky sexual behaviors very much out of my nature.
It'll start with excessive masturbation and watching porn, sometimes to the point it distracts me from my day to day tasks. When my mania reaches a high state I will start to view cams (that require payment) and use phonesex lines, a few times I hooked up on craigslist which was SUPER sketchy. In my mind, I hear my self saying "don't do this, this isn't you." but I CANNOT stop my self no matter how hard I try, much like an alcoholic who wants their next drink.
Now that I'm on meds I've for sure calmed down A LOT. I have my natural sex drive and masturbate once in a while. The thing is I'm still adjusting to the meds and I have days where I get manic and have trouble keeping this under control.
Anyone have any tips on how to deal with this? What do some of you do when you get like this?
I'm new to this subreddit but it's been such a great help cause I've struggled with my bipolar all my life and didn't get help until recent.
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self.bipolar
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Everything seems pointless I feel like the universe has already made up its mind with me. I really tried getting out of my shell in 2017 and being a normal person but people just hurt me instead.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Getting very frustrated and need help Maybe I just need to vent. It feels like bipolar is becoming a fucking fashion statement more and more lately. Watching people come out on social media and say they are tired of "hiding behind a facade" or "I need to come clean about something" and everyone swoops in behind to say how much they love them. I guess I am particularly only talking about one person. She is beyond functional she is organized yada yada yada. Point is, I know her really well because she dated my bestfriend for years. I am also weary because she used to say she had cancer but that just magically evaporated at some point even though she was "refusing treatment" and "was given a year to live." I don't know. Maybe I'm just too skeptical.
My fear is that anyone claiming to have bp when they don't takes away the credibility of the illness. "If they can fully function and accomplish things and keep relationships, why can't you, iPukey? It seems like bipolar just isn't so serious. Maybe you just need to grow up."
I don't even know if I could respond to someone saying something like that to me. It would hurt.
Should I say something to them directly? Call out their post? Let it go?
Whatthefuck
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self.bipolar
|
Medical Problems, yay... I just got diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis after trying to figure out for months what the heck is wrong with my body. I am only 21, and it is so scary. As you could guess, this has sent my anxiety through the roof, and having been diagnosed a few years ago with GAD, it is not a fun time for me right now. Just trying to stay strong while I wait to get treatment, and see what my future holds.
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self.Anxiety
|
Frustration with psychiatrist suddenly being vague about diagnosis (BPII) [seeking support] [vent] Hi all. Just a note: I'm not looking for a diagnosis - just advice and support from people who have gone through similar struggles. I'd also love to hear from people who have both bipolar and BPD to share experiences and get some more insight into what it's like for others to live with both of these conditions.
A few of you might recognise me from my most recent post (https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarReddit/comments/760lih/mania_or_hypomania_when_can_hypomania_become_mania/) where I was experiencing my most intense and longest (hypo)manic episode to date. I've had periods where I've been really low and then really elated/energetic/euphoric etc. periods throughout my whole life. I was previously told by my psychiatrist that this was bipolar II disorder. I'm currently taking lexapro (20mg/day), lamictal (100 mg/day to be increased) and seroquel (100-200mg/day).
This year my mood has been cycling from major depression (confirmed by psychiatrist) for 3 weeks at a time and then hypomania (again confirmed by psychiatrist) for roughly 1 week per month. I have just recently come out of a 10-day episode of (hypo)/mania where I was hospitalised for an overnight stay and was told that I "presented as manic" when I came in. A few days later I crashed down really badly and have been this way for almost a week now, barely being able to get out of bed or do anything this weekend except cry for no apparent reason. I feel like my highs and getting higher and my lows lower. My psychiatrist has written on numerous referrals and medical certificates that I have bipolar II and has also told me in person that he thinks I have it.
However, when I saw him after the hospitalisation incident he told me that he had instigated a conference call with himself, my GP and psychologist without my consent/knowledge (initially he told me that I would be involved in this meeting and it was a shock to learn that it was done without me). After saying I have bipolar II for all these months he's all of a sudden being really vague and kind of going back on his word (despite acknowledging I meet the diagnostic criteria in the past). This was a real shock for me as I though the hospitalisation due to the intense escalation of (hypo)manic symptoms would be even more of an indicator of some kind of bipolar/mood disorder.
But now all of a sudden he has saying that he "hasn't made the diagnosis of bipolar II" and seems to be writing off all of my mood symptoms as part of BPD (which I was recently diagnosed with by a specialist in BPD). Yet in his most recent referral letter (several weeks ago) he wrote "[lostgirl177] has diagnoses of borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorder with social and generalised features, bipolar disorder type 2 with cyclical pattern of significant depressive symptoms up to 3 weeks' duration interspersed with hypomanic periods lasting some 6-7 days."
I'm honestly really confused now as my mood cycling in both states last significantly longer than BPD-type moods and have no apparent triggers. I have absolutely no control over it and it just happens, rather than being triggered by a specific event like with BPD. I tried to express my confusion/frustration to him he just said that in the conference call it was brought up that I am 'too preoccupied' with diagnoses and that he questions whether I really want to get better. However, I am in the process of applying for a disability payment which requires clear diagnostic information. I also want my symptoms to be officially recognised (after 6 months of seeing him) so I can get the right help in order to get better. But now I just feel like I'm in limbo yet again.
I know I am not qualified to say for sure but I cannot fathom that all of a sudden I don't have a mood disorder given my history, symptoms and past feedback from him that I have bipolar II. I don't really know what's going on now but I feel like if I ask him for further clarification he's just going to say again that I'm too preoccupied with diagnoses and will get annoyed.
Does anyone have any advice about how to handle this? I feel like since the BPD diagnosis he is no longer taking my more lengthy depression/hypomanic episodes seriously and have given no real reason to suddenly question his previous diagnosis of BPII. I'm not sure how to express my feeling to him without coming across as pushing him/arguing with him etc. Has anyone with both BPII and BPD had a similar experience where your mood symptoms were written off as just BPD?
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self.bipolar
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My girlfriend invited me on a walk on Tuesday and I am fairly certain it's to break up with me. I don't know what to do or what to think. I am falling apart.
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self.Anxiety
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4 years ago I dreamt of so many things I wanted to have done before turning 24. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm a worthless piece of shit! I don't have any sense of identity and I'm unsuccessful in life and I'm only 22! Ever since I left school at 15, I've just felt like a useless and worthless piece of shit and I do not deserve anything good in my life!
I just hate the world and I hate the people around especially the ones who are living successful lives, the ones who got lucky and here I am, waiting to fucking die! I'm fucking worthless and useless!
I've never felt like I've had any sense of identity, everyday I feel like a bland human being who is just here to work for other people until I die.
One of my best friends is a lesbian and she has a great sense of identity, I'm been thinking of going gay just for the sake of having an identity because right now, I just feel like bland white straight guy number 500,000.
My life is nothing but boring and uninteresting. You have to be someone different in order to be happy. I've considered becoming a woman, or like I said before, turn gay!
I'm only 22 and I just feel like a piece of shit who is worthless, I cry every night knowing that my future is fucking hopeless and I'm going to die one day with no one around me!
PEOPLE FUCKING SUCK!
THE WORLD IS GOING TO DIE ONE DAY SO WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT? WE ARE GOING TO BE DESTROYED BY NUKES AND PEOPLE WHO DON'T CARE!
So I'll just kill myself instead.
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self.depression
|
People in my country can't even use a website properly. There's a website in my country to list items for sale, somewhat like Craigslist and you can post publicly viewable comments and questions. To help speed up transactions, posting pictures of the items are compulsory.
So the idiot users (I saw someone try to negotiate the maximum weight allowed for a piece of gym equipment, that's how stupid they are), instead of following the rules, they use it in a completely stupid way.
They list items for sale but the pictures they upload are either completely unrelated (like uploading pictures of cats when selling a motorcycle) or pictures with their hand covering the camera.
Or the champions who post googled pictures of their item, then get pissy when they're asked for original pictures. Fucking ridiculous. The whole point of the goddamn pictures are to show the exact item.
Worse still, the morons who take pictures of an item, then state the item is not for sale and the picture is "for sharing only". Like what the fuck we have forums for that.
Speaking of forums, there are also people who use the listing to ask questions, for example, like asking the process to get a car license, on a fucking selling site. We have three damn car forums and a national subreddit to ask stuff like that, and these idiots can't tell the difference.
And then those morons who post something for sale and then state it's only available to be sold next year. Like seriously, post your shit when you're ready to fucking sell it, not 4 months beforehand.
What the hell is wrong with people.
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self.offmychest
|
Happy Thanksgiving my fellow fighters! Hey guys, Happy Thanksgiving!
I am writing this to see if there are any of you out there in the Redditverse who would be interested in a PenPal type situation. I'm newly diagnosed and going through some serious trials and changes and would love to be able to either get some advice, listen to other people's stories, offer advice, or just be someone you can talk to comfortably free of judgment.
I'm just looking for those who may have already embarked on this journey or are just starting like me. Please let me know below. Together we are stronger!
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self.bipolar
|
how much does anxiety affect heart rate? So I just got a fitbit and I'm seeing a correlation between what I feel is my anxiety and my heart rate.
Let's look at yesterday: I was mostly in the 80's for most of the day, with occasional spikes as I get occasional anxiety ... Until night hit. I don't know what it was about the night, but as it got later into the evening I felt crappier and crappier and my heart rate crept up slowly until 11pm turned into midnight and I was 105, 106, laying down at around 115 at 12:30am until I played a meditation on youtube and... actually I fell asleep before I checked it again.
Fitbit thinks I exercised for 4 hours and 15 minutes, but I didn't. My heart rate just went high that often throughout the day.
And it definitely seems like a correlation, not just random - every time I felt anxious, my heart rate went up. And I was extremely anxious when it went up at the end of the night, I was really in distress for over an hour.
This can't be good for my health, however...
Has this happened to anyone else?
Before I even got the fitbit, I planned on going to the doctor for a physical and EKG as per my psychiatrist's request anyway. I have to go within the next two weeks. So I'm going to be checked out. But I do want to know these things before I go in there.... Especially if my anxiety will make my heart go crazy for the EKG and make the doctor's think I have a bad heart just because I'm anxious -- THAT would be bad, then they'll change my meds just because I got nervous! Man... I hate this.
Thanks guys
-BD
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self.Anxiety
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Down when I shouldn’t be (and it’s hard to explain) After years of hospitalizations and therapy, I finally am living a life that makes me happy and not suicidal. I am extremely extremely grateful for everything that has happened to me and the people in my life. Yet sometimes I still feel really down and it’s hard to explain to people that don’t feel this way, like my husband. He gets frustrated and thinks I’m complaining, he’s tired of what he views as my pessimism and low self esteem. But I feel like I just can’t help but get emotional sometimes, when I have a lot of projects coming up and I question my confidence and adequacy, or I feel overwhelmed and fearful of the future and how my present choices will affect it. My mind latches onto things that I have found hurtful or embarrassing lately and won’t let go; for example, my drunk cousin made the baseless and false accusation that my husband and I are “living beyond our means,” a concept I find reprehensible and very offensive. Since then I’ve been plagued with feelings of guilt and inadequacy, and I’ve been avoiding her and my other family members for fear they will gossip and make assumptions. My husband says I should have a heart to heart with her but I don’t know if she will understand or if this will make behaviors like this stop. After all, I’m not a perfect person and sometimes I say things that are offensive sometimes too, and don’t realize how much they affect someone. I’m sorry for the book, I’m just really overwhelmed and I feel irrationally sad and dwell-y, it’s making it hard to get work done. Does anyone else experience this kind of thing sometimes? How do you deal with it?
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self.bipolar
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My childhood dog just died 14 years. We had her for 14 years and I just got the phone call. I was 7 when we got her. I didn't get to say goodbye, but I know she forgives me. When my brother moved away he took her with and I rarely got to see her... I just wish i got to say goodbye.
She was the sweetest, most loving Pomeranian in the world. You'll be missed, merlot. I love you so much.
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self.offmychest
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Hitting the stage of blank. Have you ever just hit blank. Like you know the feelings abd emotions and anxiety are all there bubbling ubder the surface but you cant or dont want to get them out anymore? Like there is no point. Just. I will get on with everything myself. Screw you all i dont need help kind of blank?..
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self.Anxiety
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Im told to open up... That im not a burden. But no one really wants that. They just want to be able yo to say "i tried to get him to open up about it" so they dont feel guilty. Seems like there is a lot of words out there but very little care or action. The people who know me know I'm suicidal. But everyone of them tells me to knock it off. Cut it out. Treat me like I'm a burden. They get impatient and tell me to take a vacation. And I'm not dumping this on them willy nilly. They are asking if I'm ok because I've all but disappeared from their life. I always ask if they really want to know. They always say yes. It's always the same afterwards.
Idk. I can't talk to my therapist because they always make sure to tell me I'll be in a psych ward if I say shit about my plans.
I hope I can work up the courage to kill myself this weekend.
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self.SuicideWatch
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It seems like a lot of people are getting into hetero relationships, and realizing they’re gay later down the road. I’m afraid that might happen to me one day. I wouldn’t want to be the one to tell my SO I’m gay.
I definitely wouldn’t want to be the one whose SO at the time tells them they’re actually gay.
Also, being a virgin at 22 makes me insecure with my sexuality. I wish I was asexual sometimes.
Also this bothers me because I wish people would realize their sexuality at a younger age before they make huge commitments, but I guess sexuality is fluid ? Even if someone is gay realizes they’re straight , or if someone straight realizes they’re gay. It’s all very confusing and frustrating
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self.offmychest
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I survived from hanging out a bit (heh, awful pun) I don't what to say but I just tried to hang myself an around thirty minutes ago. In short, my life is absolute shit and pointless in fact it is better for everyone around me if I just died so I don't waste any more resources (probably a generic reasoning on this subreddit). This is not my first time flirting with suicide but this is my first I felt 100% confident it would work but by luck or by sheer stupidity hanging for me did not work. I attempted to hang myself from my closet with a nylon rope. My First attempts were for nothing as the knot around the pole kept being undone due to pathetic abilities. Eventually, by internet researching, I discovered how to tie a rope to around my closet pole but I reached another problem that I was not dying. I lowered my legs, my ears began to ring and my vision blurred but I did not progress to blackout. I even had my phone in front of me to keep track of how long I was hanging there as I stayed there for a couple of minutes. Now I think my fault is either I misplaced the noose around my neck or the rope was too long as I was on my knees waiting to die. I don't I give up on trying to die tonight more out of frustration than a desire to live. I think I am mostly frustrated as I attempted to apply a tourniquet to my neck earlier tonight and it turned out the tourniquet was a fake so I might not have have been in a clear mind to tie the instrument of my death. I don't know any more or the reason I am posting this I figure I just want someone to talk to anomalously. Before anyone posts, No I can't afford an expansive three-day vacation to a mental hospital during the middle of a college semester that would just make my life so much worse. Anyways, I am simply down to talk and go into more detail on stuff if requested.
BTW I am very drunk and tired now so my response might be delayed by a few hours.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Tell me it is still possible for homosexuals to exist before I kill myself I keep hearing it everywhere....homosexuals must die.....you need to stay straight to avoid HIV.....gays cannot exist anymore.....i'm a gay....i'm one that kind of person who people don't want to be around with.....I have a loving family....friends....but they don't know who I really am....please tell me there's still a chance
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self.SuicideWatch
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SSRIs and appetite I started taking prozac about a month ago, after switching from celexa that left me in a zombie-like state. It has helped with my anxiety, but I barely have an appetite and don't think about food at all. I know I need to eat when I get dizzy or my stomach starts growling, but otherwise I could skip every meal and be fine. I've lost weight as a result, and as my doctor doesn't want me to lose any more. Does anyone have suggestions as how to make food seem appetizing and try to eat more than a few bites a day?
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self.Anxiety
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Quiet This dark quiet room is going to kill me soon.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What's your day to day life with generalized anxiety/panic? I'm currently dealing with a rough patch, and would like to vent and share war stories.
My anxiety has been bad for months now, and I'm taking strides to finally seek professional help. But lately my day to day has been dreadful.
Fatigue, depression, sadness, irritability, the constant fear of becoming sick (my gut and anxiety and linked by what seems like destiny...as I have IBS as well) I know this is a common trait with anxiety, but it's no less infuriating and disheartening.
I'm constantly worried about being somewhere where a bathroom won't be nearby. It's become a bit of a complex for me to be honest. Sometimes I'll feel so paranoid I'll get sick I can't make myself leave the house aside from going to work (which is a quick drive) and the store for groceries. And even that's not perfect. I'll often have to rush to the bathroom at work right before an appointment or right after.
I also have constant thoughts of inadequacy about my job-like I'll be let go any day for not doing my job to the best of my ability (which is very irrational, as I am basically the one person keeping my department afloat. Without me, they'd be fucked) .
I've recently started clenching my jaw-no idea why. I take klonopin as needed, but have for years and it's never given me that side effect before.
The past year, I've developed a sporadic habit of waking up with insane panic-causing me to pace back and forth in my living room at odd hours of the night until I can finally calm down. This isn't very frequent, but has happened about 6 times in the past year or year and a half and it's DRAINING as hell.
Most days, even "good" days where I feel decent, I can simply curl up in a ball and sleep right after work. But I force myself not to-most days. It's hard for me to remain passionate about my love of film and other hobbies and that just adds and extra layer of depression, guilt and shame. I love film, it's my passion. But I've lost that enthusiasm to constantly seek out new stuff to watch. Sometimes it's even a chore to do what I love.
I know others have it much worse than me. I can function from day to day. I can go to work, socialize (although sometimes it take a major pep talk to do so) and all that, but there is something rotten in my core, festering, that I need to get cut out before it gets worse.
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self.Anxiety
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This is all bonus time. I survived a gruesome attempt on April 2, 2015. I don't even know exactly how it happened. I slashed my guts out sepppuku style in front of a mirror in the middle of the night. I watched my entrails pour out of me, looked into the mirror, and thought "it's finally over."
I don't know exactly why but I immediately dialed 911. They broke down my front door with an entry tool and kicked through my locked bedroom door.
I remember being in the ambulance begging the EMTs to forgive me. What if someone who wanted to live was having a heart attack and I selfishly stole their ambulance? Why should anyone go to so much trouble to fix the problem I caused when I was already such a problem to begin with? I actually died briefly and was resuscitated by the medics and the greatest group of human beings alive - blood donors.
I spent the next 8 months healing from the internal wounds. You aren't supposed to have a gun after doing something like that, and I got ahold of a gun. I thought there were burglars in my house, and I called the police. All they found was the gun, and I got charged with a felony.
I went to jail and none of my relatives would help me. I spent months in the largest prison in north america in a suicide gown, which is basically a fucking dress. You think going to jail is fucking scary? Try being inside the asylum in the jail in a fucking dress. And you get mixed with general population prisoners during transports, court dates, and other event. And they know exactly who the fuck you are. The color of your uniform tells all of the details, mainly so the guards know who the fuck you are on sight, but that's just one of many reasons for the color coding.
I finally got out and got a job. And now, at xmas, I just lost that job.
But, I look at it differently now. I still eat breakfast every morning five feet from where I disemboweled myself, and I still have that mirror up.
I feel like the worst piece of shit imaginable. But, I look at every second since that day as a gift. Suffering is a gift, just being able to experience it. This will all be over way before you fucking want it to, there's no choosing that. I'm at my lowest low right now, I've lost all of the gains I've made i the past 2 years of hard dedicated work.
But, I'm still here. Fucking hang around It will happen to you soon enough whether you want it or not. It's like the blink of an eye Imagine you died yesterday. This is all just bonus time. Free pay per view. Unbearable is. You are bearing it now. Give it a fucking chance. I can't wait for tomorrow.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Did taking Magnesium the night before make you feel more depressed the next day? Please share you experience and advise. Thank you [removed]
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self.depression
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[Part DAE - Part Rant] General Instability and Volatility So, this is partly me asking if anyone else is like this, and part me just crying about my woes. Also sorry if this becomes a sprawling mess, I'm potentially maybe hypomanic at the moment(?)
So, like I have day to day Instability. Maybe not Instability how a lot of people think of it, but just that my thoughts, life, mood, perception, and everything isn't consistent or stable. It feels like random days I have all the symptoms of hypomania and sometimes even mania. These can be for a few days at a time, a day, or sometimes even just a few hours.
The most random things can "trigger" it, and sometimes it just happens haha. I despise it and myself for it really. I need to be more stable. I have commitments, and I'm not at a point in my life where I can mess up. Hell, I'm on medicine and I'm still like this. Whenever I mention this, I'm just told to have patience, but I don't have anymore time.
I haven't taken my medicine for only three days, and upon someone saying I made their day, I had horrible leave voices telling me she's lying, and that I should cut myself. I went from harming myself and contemplating suicide, to staying up all night, spending all my money, having these amazing plans for the future, and having thoughts going a light year a minute.
Hell, even just anxiety. Somedays I'm just so beyond anxious for no reasons, and some days I'm just not. I also can get horribly obsessed with something beyond my control, then it reaches a peak where poof, it's gone from my mind.
Everything with me is just unstable. I really do hate it. Does anyone else feel like this in their life? Constantly out of control, and at the mercy of whatever your body and mind feel like for random periods?
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self.bipolar
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Lithium is the only thing holding me together. I am extremely unhappy and uncomfortable with where I am in life right now. If I didn't have this medication, the thoughts of jumping in front of traffic or shooting myself would consume me. It has only been about three months, but I don't know where I would be without this medication.
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self.bipolar
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I need a ear and maybe some advice. So I've got a really annoying situation. Also sorry if some of my thoughts aren't cohesive. I'm in a bit of a attack at the moment. Anyway I've got health anxiety ( along with GA , Social) that has only gotten worse with time. I'm 29 and I don't drive ,I also live 30mins from any health care or dentist. So I feel stuck and the anxiety just builds until I am nothing but knots and pulled muscles.
Also my main reason for posting today is I've got a tooth pain. It doesn't hurt much right now but I'm worried I'll be stuck and my dentist can't see me for years due to holidays. Oh ,also just recently I spend all my time at home since I lost my job in September. (Business closed) So a lot of time to focus on little things. I feel like I'm in the trash compactor in star wars at the moment. I'm not sure what I except from this post. Thank for reading if you made it to the end.
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self.Anxiety
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GF decided she wanted to be poly 2 years into a committed relationship. Struggling to move on after ending it. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I am ending my life It seems petty that I have to post on a forum to announce my own suicide, and not to mention that if I really wanted to die, I wouldn't be attention-whoring myself, but I would at least want to say goodbye to this world that I've lived in as a respectable leave-off, almost like a resignation letter in a job, even if it was just a single post on the internet. Please consider that I have no one to say goodbye to, I have no family, I have no religion, and I have no friends, the internet is all I have. I am looking forward to finally have everything lifted off my shoulders. In approximately 4 hours, I will be leaving, so I say goodbye not to this subreddit, but to all the people that I will be sending this reddit post link to, and generally everyone reading. Gabe
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self.depression
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Decently looking bloke, hate rejecting others I'm no Hollister model. I don't lack self-awareness, as far as I am aware. I'm not stuck in my head. I'm not very superficial. I like to think I have a good sense of judgement. I accept I can be wrong and very often I am. I might be a little self-centered. But so is everyone of us.
I'm "decent" as in average with one or two prominent features. I try to keep healthy live an active lifestyle.
I understand and very aware of the feelings of being rejected, therefore I try to limit me rejecting others, in almost every walk of life.
When the opportunity arises, or rather, people provide the opportunity in hoping I would "start off a conversation" - I am fully able and appear confident. I would rather not, because of personal reasons.
This makes me sad, because I would go-off imagine how small interactions might have an effect on their self-esteem and self-perception.
In the past, I have done such without realising it. I dislike it.
I understand the best solution is be indifferent and apathetic towards rejecting others. Also come to understand that, in hope, that people "grow" out of needing others to affirm who they are as people and self-selected identities. Of course, one cannot please everyone, it's impossible. How we feel is up to us to decide, so as how others make us feel - it's also up for us to decide.
The worst part, I think the people I reject are really attractive. I just can't open myself at the moment, for personal reasons. You see what would happen if I try to explain to others about this face to face, right?
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self.offmychest
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Has anyone tried CBD oil for treating anxiety? I'm going through a stressfull period right now by having exams at my university. I'm really anxious whenever exams start and last semester had to take Xanax to survive (because of extreme stress I didn't eat very much for 2 weeks, sometimes a banana a day). As I'm approaching my first exam my doctor doubled my Effexor to 150mg, but this needs some time to kick in. However, I've read some articles about cannabis oil which where really positive in treating anxiety. I have a bottle at home because my mom uses it., but I don't wanna take it if it doesn't work bcs it's quite expensive
Does anyone have any experience?
Thanks a lot!
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self.Anxiety
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Christmas present Today my mother read my present for Xmas... I gave her book of poets that I wrote about my feelings. Her reaction got me real hard... She told me that I should go to doctor with this and that she doesn't want me to write anything like that anymore... I don't know what response I expected.. My family is so numb about these things and still I expected something more.. Why? I knew this is gonna be only response I'm gonna get so why I'm I so disappointed and sad?
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self.depression
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Why is EVERYONE SO incompetent? I'm a 28 year old guy. I rent out the extra bedrooms in my house to other people my age. I try to screen my roommates/tenants carefully, but every. single. one of them (I've had six over the past couple years) is half brain-dead when it comes to... just, life.
I just had to text my roommate about clearing out the wad of hair he leaves in the shower every day, because then the tub doesn't drain and he just leaves it with 6" of standing water in it. He got defensive about it and told me there must be a problem with my drain. I went on a trip for two weeks and came back and since I wasn't there to wipe his fucking ass for him, the shower was full of mold from all the standing water. Did he bother to clean out the mold? No. He started to wear god damn socks in the shower. He buys plastic utensils because he's too lazy to do dishes, but then puts the used plastic utensils in the sink because "I might reuse them". When I explained how dumb that is, he goes "oh yeah, I guess I just never thought about it". The roommate before him would get black-out drunk every single night and several times he fell asleep with the gas stove on. Rather than take out the trash, he'd get a garbage bag and just keep in in the middle of the kitchen floor and start filling it with garbage. I had a roommate a couple years ago who constantly left drawers and cabinet doors open. I told him to shut them and asked why he would do that, and he said, "oh, mean, I just get what I need out of them and then I guess my brain moves on to the next thing and I forget to shut them".
I don't want to always have to be the asshole but I don't know how to deal with people like this! I try telling them nicely to pay attention. They apologize and swear they will. Then they don't. Then I yell. Then they get defensive. JUST BE A FUCKING ADULT!
And it's not just my roommates, it's everyone I know. My best friend will call me to complain about the stupidest things that ANYONE should know how to solve. Yesterday it was that the auto garage is always booked for the entire day and she can't get her car fixed. I told her she needs to book an appointment. We live in a big city and that's just how it works. She didn't know you could book appointments. She orders a drink at the bar and the guy asks if she wants top shelf. She stared blankly and just didn't respond. It was like her brain broke. She had never heard the term and I had to butt in for her so that she didn't go spending a ton of money.
A friend texted me just now having a meltdown that her car insurance has gone up to $700/month because she's a TERRIBLE driver and just loses focus on the road and keeps getting in accidents. I feel like everyone around me has shit for brains.
This is my personal hell. I want to escape to a cabin in the woods and never talk to another person again.
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self.offmychest
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My life feels like a grey line That’s the only way I can think of to describe it. For the past few months now I’ve been...feeling...nothing. I’ll laugh and talk to people and do random tasks that make me feel like I’m going somewhere when really I’m getting nowhere at all. Every once in a while I’ll get a spurt of motivation and spend it on some “project” (I’m a creative type and like making things), burn out in a few days, and go back to whatever.
You can track my decline of mental state and happiness on a report card: freshmen year was A’s and B’s, sophomore and junior were C’s and D’s, and my current senior year is a handful of 0’s, 20’s, and one out-of-place C.
What do I do for fun? Go to work, make some money, spend it on nothing. I don’t like it, it’s boring, but it’s something to do. I also like to read one chapter in a book over and over, sleep, and eat cereal. Somehow no one notices this.
I spend about eight hours a day browsing the web and reading various articles, feeling very...bleh. I don’t have any real friends at school (just one kid in Calculus class who I talk to occasionally) because I just transferred schools for a better special-ed program to help with my grades.
The better special-ed program consists of 5 or 6 students sitting in a study hall with a teacher who doesn’t teach. So that was a waste...at least I had friends at the other school. I think they hate me now because I cut them off. (Partially my fault, partially my parents implying that I shouldn’t talk to them anymore.)
Supposedly I’m also trans. I’ve had the feeling for...three? four years? but I don’t consider this much because it’s painful to think about and I don’t know what I can do about it anyway. I’ve tried talking to my parents about it but they’re evasive and very religious. (I’m an atheist.) They have a method where they say they’re supportive, wait for me to bring it up again, and then assume it was just a phase when really I’m too afraid to talk to them. I’ve also been diagnosed with borderline autism and they like to use that to explain it instead.
I tried to kill myself once, or as close to that as I was going to get. I tried strangling myself, but that didn’t work (my hands would loosen up around the blanket as I started to black out) so I just walked out the front door in sight of my parents to go get hit by a car or something.
My dad caught me in the front yard and threw me to the ground. “What do you think you’re doing?” I can’t remember it too well but he started hitting me and told me that if I wanted to die, he would help me. “I’m crazy, just let me die!” “Yeah, you are. You’re not a fucking GIRL.” And then my mom intervened and told him to go inside. By this point I was too tired to do anything and just listened to her talk about things for half an hour before going back inside and falling asleep.
That was...three months ago? My dad has apologized but I still don’t trust him. They’ve cut off the entire internet so I can’t reach out for help to some anonymous whatever. I managed to get it back on my phone through a tricky hack and that’s how I’m writing this.
I see a therapist two times a month. We talk about things but nothing really gets solved. I don’t approach the problems at all, and he doesn’t have any solutions for me either.
I’m not really sad right now. I just don’t care about anything. I don’t think I’m lazy, because I want to do things and I certainly try to...I just can’t.
How do I feel happy again? I’m not sure if a smile counts. I want to do things, but I can’t do anything.
I don’t know what else to put here. I just want someone to talk to, and maybe some advice.
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self.depression
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Does anyone else not commit suicide only because they don't have a way to do it that isn't painful/messy? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Things are getting worse I've been contemplating suicide a lot more recently. I didn't even realise that I stopped thinking about how my death would affect people close to me until my friend brought it up. I've just been so ready to give up that I've stopped thinking about others which is a first for me. I'm so tired of the anxiety and paranoia and stress and depression.
Also I didn't know where to post this so I posted it in r/depression as well
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm donating all my money to charity and killing myself. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I finally made an appointment with my therapist! So I have been procrastinating setting up an appointment with my new therapist for a while now, and about two days ago I got a call from her wanting to meet up. Immediatley I started to feel dreadful and scared. I put it off for a couple of days but today I said "screw it" and called and made an appointment. And it wasn't that bad! I actually felt really excited afterwards! My appointment is in a little over a week and I'm a bit nervous but happy!
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self.Anxiety
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Fixating thoughts on unimportant subjects. Yeah, I should die. Before you start, I will love you with all my heart and the thickest and thinnest of the white strands that make my soul if you read the whole post.
Yeah, I'm having a hard time accepting a few things, I'm not in denial mind you. My feeling is more "How can this be!? This is terrifying!" rather than "This can't be. * Thinks of reasons why it can't be *." It's like there are matters and events and subjects that I'm fully aware of, I'm aware they exist in real life, I'm aware that almost all human beings do it. But it's just that I can't stop thinking about them and highlighting the terrifying things. I feel like it's foreign and unknown and dangerous to me. I just fixate and fixate over it until I edge myself into a mental gag-reflex (Many of you who have anxiety can totally guess how this feels) and go into a full fledged panic attack and lie on the floor and just try not to stop breathing. Now here's the tricky part, while all this is happening, I am constantly telling myself all the reasons why the thing I'm fixating on is (kinda)normal and common among people today, I know what I'm saying to myself are hardcore facts I myself know and believe to be true, but it's like the "Sound" or "Voice" of the fixating and panicking are just 'Louder' than the voice of reason.
This has been bothering for a few months now. I decided if my life is going to continue like this, might as well end it. Because it's really a paralyzing force against my daily activities and duties.
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self.Anxiety
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I want to blow my brains out I dropped out of college to come home for ECT for depression. After getting 2/3 of my way through the treatment I stopped because it was wearing to hard on me. I have a few friends but none to call close. Nobody will miss me for very long, I am sure they will get over it. Most people I know hate me and think I am so me sort of monster or creep. Honestly they are right, I am. I weigh the friends I do have down. None ever ask how I am or ask to spend time with me. I think it will be a load off everyone if I was dead. Life is to painful to live anyway being so alone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How to make up for lost time I’m 27 been in and out of depression since 18. How do I catch up. I’ve been lazy and unmotivated most of my life. I mean I can I learn things
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self.depression
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When medication is at therapeutic levels I get bad side effects Is there’s anyone else out there that finds when meds start to help with bipolar disorder bad sideeffects start? I literally can’t find a medication which I can function on AND manages my disorder. I’ve tried at least twelve drugs (iffy on the names of a few I was prescribed).
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self.bipolar
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Songs I think about a lot when I'm depressed Sorry I have a horrible taste in music but here you go
Still breathing- Green Day
Good riddance- also Green Day
Wake me up when September ends- MORE GREEN DAY
Missing You- All time low
What a catch, Donnie- Fall out boy
Always- Panic! At the disco
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self.depression
|
A story of savior to depressed wreck... This is not something as serious as what some of you are dealing with, and really I feel for you... I just had to post this here because I feel I need to share it.
A few years ago, a good friend of mine who we shall label as Anon was in a couple homosexual relationships. The first one ended up awful and turning a lot of anon's friends against him. The second one ended up with a confession that this guy was only in a relationship with anon to break him down further emotionally. Both of these men ended up together as they along with anon were in the same friend groups. Anon threatened with suicide to me, and he was inches from killing himself until I saved him by convincing him that life was worth living.
Fast forward to the present, I get the pleasant surprise of this perfect match for me joining this discord I ran. She was perfect... she aspired to go into performing arts like I do, she loved animals like I do, she loved music that I do, we had great chemistry, and she was someone who wanted a long relationship. I put forth the most effort I could to get with her without seeming desperate or weird. I actually made some ground into getting with her. I was kind, polite, gentlemanly, and I flirted to the best of my ability. One day, I went to go pawn off some of my old stuff from when I was younger, and she messaged me that she had a surprise while I was gone. I come back and ask her about it, but she went offline before then. The next morning, I ask her about it, and she tells me the surprise.
This is where I become a depressed wreck... despite all of my attempts and being inches from being with her possibly for the rest of my life, she hits me with, "me and anon are now a couple!." My heart sank... especially since she told me why she got with anon. Anon dropped the "pity me I have had a horrible life and almost committed suicide" card and she fell for it. She was talking about "I want to make him as happy as possible even if the relationship doesn't work out" and all I am given is "You will have a special place in my heart especially since you are easy to lean on." I literally have not met ANY woman in my life even close to being as perfect as her for me... She wasn't a 10/10 or anything but look is not priority, she was beautiful to me. Now the very person I save from suicide has her and I am left alone and unmotivated to do anything except cry myself to sleep or lie in bed forever. The only hobbies keeping me going is improving in Photoshop or Streaming and even then that isn't going to help me to get the woman I love back... I don't know what to do with myself anymore...
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self.depression
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Don't want to kill myself but I just don't want to be alive anymore [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Got a really busy week ahead of me. Could really use some support right now. My dad just told me that he's finally "ready" to sell the house. The problem is that the HOUSE isn't ready, and he has told me (and I totally get this) that because I don't have a job, he expects me to do most of the work to get it ready. Cleaning the yard, repairing a cracks in the walls, putting all the rest of our stuff in storage... it's going to be a lot of work.
So yeah. I kinda need some support with this, because even though my depression usually doesn't allow me to get this amount of work done... it WILL pay off in the end.
It's just so weird to actually feel like I have the power to change things here, because I've felt so powerless for a long time now. At the same time I'm just so happy that there is *finally* an end in sight. For at least six years now we've known we wouldn't be able to keep this house, and there's been excuse after excuse for why we couldn't just move forward and sell it. But now I have a new beginning ahead of me and it's so great to finally have something to look forward to...
I need to get this done, guys. It's just going to be so much work and I'm just so afraid I won't be able to do it all...
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self.bipolar
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I spent NYE alone And it was one of the best New Years I could remember in a while. For years I’ve gone to the club and dropped a ton of money on drugs and alcohol.
This year I chose to ignore all those invites. In turn there wasn’t any drama or syncing with others schedules. I got a bottle bubbly, turned on my Xbox, cooked a late night dinner, did laundry, and played video games with my pup next to me; all while Earth Wind and Fire radio played on Apple Music lol
Been a rollercoaster of a year, but I wanted to start the new one with authenticity. I think the foundation of that is having fun with myself first.
(That and my weird ass mind did a little justification of “time is created by man. We can reinvent ourselves any fucking day we want”....so ya lol)
Happy New Years everyone! We deserve a great one!
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self.offmychest
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I'm feeling really bad... I've been contemplating suicide lately and I just want someone to talk to.
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self.SuicideWatch
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F23. Depressed since childhood. How to live a 'normal' life when sadness and frustration is the only thing I know? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I hate my life and have ruined it myself [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Daydreaming about dying Do you ever daydream about random death accidents? Being hit by a car or ending up getting stabbed or shot. Your friends or a lot of strangers are there to witness it but no one can help you? I get these dont even realize i am thinking about it sometimes.
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self.SuicideWatch
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[Trigger Warning] Thank you. This is an amazing community. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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If I got drunk and jumped of a bridge into a deep river, would it hurt? I just want something quick, I can't do this anymore [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Wasted more than a year First time posting here. So, this is something that's been building up since 2 years ago. I'm in med school and, up until that time, I had been doing pretty well at my classes, right on track for graduation. Long story short, now I'm a year and a half behind, maybe two, depending on how this semester goes. The way things work in my country is that classes open other classes, so if you fail so much as one class, you're delayed by a whole semester. I know there's no excuse for it, but I went through a lot of family issues last year, which are really too personal to talk about here, and I guess I sunk from that. I've already seen a few psychiatrists, but no meds have worked.
I'm scared of continuing, more out of shame than anything else. My current academic status goes against the self-image I always had of myself. More than that, I'm worried about bumping into people who used to be my classmates during rotations (or even just at school during the day), with them able to see how far back I still am. I have seriously considered dropping out, but everyone around me assures me that's not an option, given how far I've gotten (I would be graduating in one year if all goes well). I really don't know what to do. 2 years ago I would've never imagined I would be in this situation, which is why I never really considered how I would react if something like this happened.
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self.depression
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Was basically told a lot of people are depressed and I should get over it. [deleted]
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self.depression
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pain My life has been full of pain and loneliness and I'm always suffering. Why have such terrible things happened to me? All people do is hurt me and leave me out. I'm always the odd one out. I know that I don't deserve it,but yet I keep suffering. I have some friends and family, and I'm only here because I know that they would be sad if I left. I'm constantly feeling like I don't belong, like I'm not supposed to be in this world anymore. I want to die, so I can be with my mom, but I can't because I would make a couple of people upset. I feel very unwanted romantically and sexually. I'm going to be 21 and I've never dated anyone and I've been close to being intimate with someone. I don't know why. It sucks so much because I have needs and wants just like every other person my age. I wish I could just end my suffering by ending my life, but I can't.. just never ending pain..
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self.depression
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I Emailed the prof whose class I was avoiding Hey r/Anxiety, first time poster long time lurker... my anxiety has been pretty bad this last month or two since my gf went home (long distance relationship she spent the summer here) and last month I failed a midterm for a stupid reason and my anxiety got so bad I spent the class hour having a panic attack in my car instead of going to the class I paid 700$ for... I finally emailed her tonight about it... I’m kinda breaking down don’t want to look at what she emailed back but it was a step atleast...
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self.Anxiety
|
I’m graduating college in December and I need a job ASAP. I’m sure a lot of you understand the fear of failure and the anxiety behind it. Well, I’m graduating and I have yet to be successful at applying for jobs. Every time I even think about it I start to panic. It’s like a cycle, the sooner graduation comes the more anxious I get, the more anxious I get the more shut off I am in being productive. By the end of this I am balled up staring at my calendar crying. No one understands, so they can’t really help. What do I do?!?
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self.Anxiety
|
I’ve never been the type of guy who has a group of friends Well I have some friends, but I guess I just deal with them more one on one. I can’t seem to keep any close friends. Like the ones you do everything with. I imagine hanging out watching TV, poker, exploring the city, drinking. Just enjoying each others company, killing time.
Nope. I’m one to spend a lot of time alone and hardly get invited anyways. I have fun when we hang out from time to time. But these friends don’t know me. They live on a different frequency.
Even though I can keep in good standing with many people personally, I don’t have the ability to gain any kind of friend group.
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self.Anxiety
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What is the point of even being friendly with people when all I get in return is being excluded and used for laughs? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I'm not supposed to be alive But I am anyways for no good reason at all. It feels like this is an evil parallel dimension where I lived when I should never have and am being forced to experience constant misery. What's the point?
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self.depression
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Ay-yo to all of thee...I’m a new member and nervous. I’m starting Lithium tonight that I have pushed off for so long. And I’m scared.
Experiences? Just pure honesty.
How did it help you?
I’m 24 , a mother to a kick ass 2 year old, and the Lead of my team members at work.
Had to speak with my managers after pointless crying and panic attacks that started following me into work. They gave me time off until the 15th.
I’m nervous about the lithium. It was pretty much my last option... I’ve been on the medicine cocktail for so long with so many switches and dosages.
I’m turning to you guys for any advice.
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self.bipolar
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Do i have the right to be upset or not? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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It's almost 18:00 and I am still in bed Woke up at 14:00, missed work (contract ends in 2 weeks anyway) and been just lying on bed browsing reddit and pitying over my miserable life. I don't feel like getting up. I don't feel like doing anything productive. I am just so hopeless that rest of my will be like this; An unsustainable mess that leads to unhappiness. Like the other days, I probably don't feel tired enough to go to sleep early enough to wake up feeling refreshed in the morning. How am I supposed to cope in this world if my wake time schedule is completely inverted to the rest of the world?!
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self.depression
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Depression and poor parenting has made me have 0 work ethic [deleted]
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self.depression
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Coming off Effexor I have been tapering off Effexor for a bit now and this is day two without it. I cannot concentrate, I'm super tired, I'm a little dizzy and nauseous, I've had bouts of crying and feelings of rage (short lived thankfully). I know it's because of the pills, but does anyone have experience with coming off this drug and how long this might last?
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self.Anxiety
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difference betweeen bipolar i and iI? I've always been II and it made the most sense. I've been doing ADHD testing and the psychologist said she thinks they made a mistake and actually have bipolar I. The line between mania and hypomania is kind of blurred for me I can't really remember what it was like since I'm now medicated and feel much better. Just was confused on her re-diagnosis.
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self.bipolar
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hey yall Im 17 from india I used to deal drugs in my college and got expelled two months before and have been locked in my room ever since . I haven't talked to anyone in 2 months and I miss my gf and all my friends ..I wont have my past life back and Ive had enough of this endless cycle of getting up and doing nothing. . I feel hollow inside and everyone I knew is forgetting me and I'm falling away each second into this infinite abyss of loneliness and sadness .. I started cutting myself. it helps in stopping this infinite loop of memories that I won't ever have back again. I tried messaging my friends and it's not the same again and I feel like a deadweight just keeping them down with me .. I don't want to do that and I stopped messaging them and just as I expected no one cares if I'm alive or dead no one wants to hear my sadick life I feel too lonely and will probably kill myself in a few days thank u for reading
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self.depression
|
Can't get rid of that general anxiety feeling you have all the time? This might work for you as well! [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
EXTREME Anxiety before calling in sick. Anyone else get a super load of anxiety right before you call in sick? Or during the phone call? Any nice calming techniques you guys use?
Also if any of you have called in because of your anxiety, what do you normally say?
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self.Anxiety
|
just want to vent, can't do it anywhere else i live for everyone else's sake, not my own. i'm extremely close to suicide right now and i've been having these thoughts for months. i'm part of a group chat with 3 of my friends where we just vent about whatever is on our minds without being told any bullshit. i always talk about the small things with them, they are convinced that i tell them everything, and they are concerned for me, but the truth is, i don't tell them nearly as much as i would like to. i feel that if i were to tell them how i really feel about myself that they would no longer want to talk to me. for the past week or so everything seems so meaningless and i feel so, so empty. i've been cutting alot more than i used to, just to try and feel something other than nothing. all i can think about right now is killing myself, i really want to do it tonight, i think i might as i don't see why not to. i don't know how much more of this i can take. there is only one way to end this suffering.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I need someone to talk to please If anyone can please talk to me right now please message me , i cant tke it anymore
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Getting a Gun I'm 18 so I am able to get a gun. I'm just worried it will hurt and people will find me and be disturbed. I don't want to do anything ever but I have to. I am too lazy. I am too lazy to do homework. I am too lazy to get out of bed for classes. I am too lazy to clean my room. I am sometimes too lazy to eat.
I just want to have no responsibilities and not worry about having no significant other to love me. I miss him. He was my reason I could live, but now he's gone.
Should I leave a note to my friends and family? Should I leave a note to him too? I don't want to hurt them, but I know I will, so would a note help alleviate the pain?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm going to slit my wrist in the morning I'm just finished with my life I'm only 20 and I have next to no money and am working myself to the bone between two jobs trying to get myself into college but I can't go on like this not anymore. I have no one else who would honestly care so I'm writing this here.... goodbye to anyone who reads this
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self.offmychest
|
Pretty suicidal (*not dangerous right now, just tough*) and lack of support due to situation.. Got severe tendinitis on both hands. Practically can't type, voice msgs are the only way to reach me. I’m MtF & currently in the care of religiously fanatical&transphobic narcissistic parents. A lot of despair. Remote location (a conservative state with limited recognition)&lack of support network. Probably need some support over voice.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Everytime I see a shot in a movie or show is green screened I want to kill myself I'm watching Ozark episode 2 and the family is talking by a pool at the very beginning and it is so obviously a fake background that's it's gross. All these new things that people like and I cannot get past this thing I see where the main characters in a shot are so clearly a separate thing from some weird image they are moving and talking in front of. It's absurd. How is this shit Ok? I first noticed this in Chef, a movie I absolutely love. The scene where the Sofia Vergara talks to Casper in the garden. Not a robot-alien homeworld, not hell, not a medieval battlefield, a garden in front of a normal present day house and the shit is green screened. Seeing people float in front of these computer images completely takes me out of the movie or show and it's making it almost impossible to get into anything new. I don't have many hobbies and get extremely passionate about entertainment I love but as soon as I see this border around people which makes them float over a mundane thing behind them which doesn't matter I'm thinking about the cast filming this thing and I can no longer follow the story I'm just thinking about real people standing in front of a wall and pretending like their in a coffee shop, or in their bedroom. Does anyone else feel like this?
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self.offmychest
|
Is it just me, or is eating in front of people stressful? I always feel like I'm being judged for what I'm eating, how I'm eating it, when, etc... I don't know why, but it makes eating with anyone who's not a relative difficult. It's definitely better than It used to be, just curious if other people feel the same way.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your responses, and sharing. I didn't realize how not alone I am in feeling this way! Best wishes for everyone!
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self.Anxiety
|
As stupid as it sounds I'm still afraid of monsters. Monsters aren't real right? As stupid as it sounds I'm still afraid of monsters. Monsters aren't real right? Its been hard to find proof against it due to a book someone wrote of the title of my question. Does anyone know any websites that are like snopes that disproves things like ghosts, monsters, conspiracy theories, etc.
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self.Anxiety
|
Shared sins of my past are haunting me and I feel like I'm dying slowly because of it When I was young and foolish I did some sexual stuff with my gf, now my ex. Ofc I know that's normal to most, but not to my religious upbringing.
For about 3 years I thought I'd be able to live and get passed what we did...But recent events have come about where I greatly regret it all.
I can't sleep, eat, laugh. My stomach has been unsteady for about a week now. My mind is continuously racing and my conscience keeps beating me down.
I have great friends in my life, especially a girl who I'm so deeply interested in. I want to live my life happily and maybe even try to become more with this girl. She's been one of the reasons for my conscience actually working again. And I absolutely love her for it.
There is a way I can most likely fix all this. It would however involve my very difficult and stubborn ex gf to go through some level of hardships, just as I would. While I dearly wish I don't have to go through the shame, disgrace, embarrassment and pain that I could go through by trying to fix this all, I feel like I would be able to live my life so much better.
This would mean ruining and maybe even losing not just my friends, family and the girl I love, but also involve the girl that I once loved and still care for as a friend, going through the same or even worse pain than me :(
I feel like a disappointment constantly...and this will only add to it. But I know if I do this, I can lose so much, maybe even everything, but also gain so much as well.
I'm new to here, so I don't know what else to say, but please, I'd love some comfort of some kind, in anything. I heart, my stomach, my mind...my life is falling apart without even falling apart yet.
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self.offmychest
|
The men that have sex with me [NSFW] They can't look me in the eyes. They can watch themselves penetrate me, they can look at themselves in the mirror as they fuck me, but they can't look me in the face. And I know what that means and it breaks my heart. It doesn't always hurt me, because with some men I'm not too interested if they care for me or not. I always tell myself to never let my care be dependent on anyone else’s, to love openly and without expectations. But there's two types of love, isn't there. There's the one you choose to share and there's the one you fall into. And it's the latter that really fucks me up. I just had sex again with a man today who I've been seeing and who I care for more than I have any right to. And he couldn't look at me once during and I ended up just covering my own face to save him the sight. I didn't do so in an obvious way of course, just as I grabbed at my hair or held my hand over my mouth. But for anytime that I think I am strong or beautiful I will always remember that I have to cover my own face for the men I love. It's never been any other way and it hurts me in a way I can't describe.
What also hurts is that this is the first time I've ever been tricked in my entire life by a man. I don't need to be fooled to be brought to bed, I can't understand why he did it. He acted so much like he cared, looked deep into my eyes, held me when I said I was cold, and was so tender. But I've never seen someone switch so fast from who they were before they had sex with me for the first time and who they became afterwards. He's so cold and I can't stop thinking of the way he couldn't look at me. I can't even kiss his lips in fear of the truth there, so I'm left kissing his bare skin and it makes me feel so desperate. I just feel so much deep hurt right now. Fuck.
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self.offmychest
|
Pretty sure I'd rather die than go to work tomorrow [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
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