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I feel like I'm tired of everything I'm stressed out about school and can't focus on anything. Although I've got friends in my city, I'm a student now and have no life as far as campus is concerned. I've spent two months trying to have a normal life as far as friends and dating goes but failed miserably. I'm decent at approaching new people, but I guess I'm too concerned with what they think of me to form a bond and people fizzle out of my life. I'm also introverted so small talk isn't my thing anyways.
Yesterday went to a party only to overhear a girl loudly talk about the awkward guy clearly referencing me.
I'm 26 and so fucking tired of not having figured my shit out by now. I'm a good person inside, and not unattractive either, but everything in between "inner" and "outer" beauty is so fucked...
In the past 3 years, I've been depressed, gotten professional help, felt better, felt amazing and then like shit over a year, then amazing and like shit this second time. I feel like life is a struggle with no end in sight.
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self.offmychest
|
An open letter to my former coworker, a teacher who committed statutory rape. Maybe it's because you're female and he is male, maybe it's because you are well connected, maybe it's because you're claiming to be pregnant, but I don't give a shit. The admin want to pretend that nothing is happening, they want us to be quiet. Fuck that and fuck them and most of all, fuck you.
Fuck you, K. Fucking your student and claiming to be pregnant by him. Fuck you for fucking a kid who is just one year older than your own son. Fuck you and anyone who thinks this is ok or not 'so bad' because the student is now 18.
He was your student. You are a de facto parent within school and within any interaction you have with your student. Shit, my friend had a relationship with a tenured college professor and he got the boot.
Your resignation? trash. You need to be in jail. You make us all look bad. Today I stood and spoke to a student who was sobbing over a death in her family, afraid to give her a hug.
This community is impoverished and, frankly, dying. Many of these kids have nobody at home who give a shit about them. And how, because some nasty fucking thirsty person had to boost her self worth by fucking her student, we all have a black mark on us. We all have targets on our backs.
Post all over facebook that you're dating. Go ahead and let the few people commenting and offering support (which is mind boggling to me) lull you into thinking that everything is ok.
It's not ok. You fucked up. You fucked up this young boy who will not have a childhood/young adulthood if you are in fact pregnant with his child. You fucked up the rest of your students, and who fucking knows how many victims you have left in your wake?
These kids and our staff are already fighting a losing battle in one of the poorest areas in the nation, and you have made it a thousand times worse.
So, if I can't say it to your face (since you're too much of a coward to show your fucking face anywhere besides social media), I'll say it here. FUCK YOU, K! FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING PEDOPHILE PIECE OF SHIT.
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self.offmychest
|
I am 16 but can't seem to find a reason why not to die. I'm a failure My entire life has been one failure after another I never joined any clubs for school even when my mom wanted me to. I was the reason my parents separated. I am failing all my classes because I can't even find a reason to get up in the mornings. I spend my time playing games with my friends which is the only thing that makes me happy anymore, but without the drive to even finish school how will I afford a computer or a house or even food. My mom thinks she is doing what's best for me by takin away my computer when I miss school but it just makes me feel like more of a failure. If anyone had gone through this, please tell me what you did. I don't want to die but living isn't worth the pain. ( I also forgot to mention I was diagnose with clinic depression a couple months ago)
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I either have low energy and low anxiety, or high energy and high anxiety I'm never in a "middle ground" state. For example, I had to work on something really important this week and my anxiety was through the roof. My anxiety allowed me to focus, but it was stressful.
Now that I'm not working on it, I'm less anxious, but my focus and energy are incredibly low. I'm either a zombie or I'm freaking out.
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self.Anxiety
|
Something No One Has Ever Said Or Will Ever Say I failed out of school. I got fired. I have no job, no money, and no way of getting either. I have never had consensual sex. My ankle is probably broken and I cannot afford to call a *taxi* to get to urgent care, let alone calling an ambulance. Even typing and posting this has already put me over my data limit, and I cannot afford that penalty. I am miserable and in pain every waking moment, even before he shoved down the stairs after he was done with he, and I cannot sleep.
**But it's all okay because I drew a fucking SEMICOLON on my wrist!**
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self.SuicideWatch
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Compulsions under control for this shopaholic! I just realized it's been about a year since I made any outrageous purchases or binge shopped. The meds must be doing something right. 😀
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self.bipolar
|
Breaking up leading to self reflection I don't know if I miss him as much as I miss having someone be there stroking my ego...
I have friends. I have family. I'm not bad at everything. And I'm not depressed ALL the time. I just seem to go through my days alone feeling like a giant pile of dogshit. I don't have many hobbies. I used to be creative a long time ago, but I don't really feel that motivation anymore. I don't have anything that really drives me! I'm good at work and I'm good in school. I've got the basics covered. It's like when I'm forced to do something or my financial stability depends on it, I'm good. But when it comes to just doing something for myself. Working for my health or self esteem or joy - I don't do anything! People have told me I'm funny, I should be a stand up comedian. People have told me my writing is brilliant I should do poetry open mics- But the thought of getting involved with a community and putting myself and my work out there terrifies me. More. Than. Anything. Like I know I don't completely suck, but I feel like a fraud and wasted potential because actually honing and refining my skills terrifies me. I'm basic. I'm not next level.
I'm bad at learning new skills because I judge myself the whole way through. I give up when things get hard. And now I'm just not very interested in doing much. But I feel totally underwhelmed and deficient and void and like I have nothing that excites me or makes me feel proud. I want to throw myself into something so that I don't throw myself into another relationship and have the same self-esteem problems. I want to be a better human and I know my self esteem issues stem from not doing good things for myself and feeling like I have nothing to show for. I also know I want to meet someone doing something I love vs. going on endless dissatisfying tinder dates.
What gives reddit? What should I do with my time? What IS it that I'm waiting for and also if this has been a lifelong thing for me, do you think I'll ever find something that is easy to get involved with that sticks for me? Any and all advice welcome.
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self.Anxiety
|
What do you do when someone obviously doesn't want to spend time with you but still insists that they do I have this friend who helped me with my depression and I guess it was a bit too much because any time I try and speak to him or ask to do something with him he brushes me off with some excuse or another.
Yet he always gives it like 'I'd like to, but...' and insists he wants to
I think at some point you just have to read between the lines but I don't want to ghost him completely
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self.depression
|
This time of year Hey, shout out to all my bipolar friends, and friends I don't know.
I know this time is rough for a lot of us. Been there, done that, doing that.
We got this. See you on the other side of Christmas :)
Msg me if you want to talk, I'm almost always around!
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self.bipolar
|
My mom slept with my friends. My dad abused me psychologically and physically. Most of this happened when I was growing up in the 70's. I just need to get it out there.
My dad used to beat me every week. He would come home in a bad mood, or come home looking for a fight and come right to me and pick one. He would scream, yell, tell me I was crazy, that I would lose, and spank me till I couldn't walk. Mom said he started that behavior when I was a few years old. It got worse as he figured out I was gay. He would also beat my mom, and raped her at least once after their divorce. My dad ignored my little sister, but my little brother is still his favorite--gets anything he wants at the age of 51.
As mentioned above, they got a divorce. My mom said it was because she wanted to get away from him and to protect me. He was also sleeping around on her (and he was).
The real reason the divorce came to a head is because my mom had sex with one of my best friends while he and I were in high school. She also had sex with one other friend I can prove and at least one other friend that I directly suspect. We never talked about it.
Mom became a 70's hippie, and the drugs rolled in. Most of you probably know what kids go through when that happens, so there's no need to go into that now. I ended up a heavy drug user as well.
What's weird is that it is only occasionally that the clarity of what my childhood was like breaks through. And when it does I always try and rationalize it by saying others had it worse. But for me, it was horrific. At the time, I was just trying to get through it and if it hadn't been for all four of my grandparents, I doubt if I would've made it. During all this my brother moved in with my dad so he could have whatever he wanted. I was too scared of dad so I had to stay with mom, and since my dad took all the money, I damn near starved to death. We ended up on welfare. My sister was too young to understand most of this.
Over the years, my dad, narcissist that he is, has convinced my brother and sister that I'm crazy and a wacko. Through osmosis, the information got to my nieces and my immediate family always kept me at arm's length. But I've been a very successful person and actually retired early. I'm a writer, musician, artist, and educator. I spent 25 years in therapy learning to deal with depression, anxiety, codependency, victimhood and people pleasing as a result of my childhood. I'm way better off now.
I gave up on trying to get my dad's respect when I turned 48. Fuck that. I still maintain limited contact with him even though he has cancer. I cannot give him a chance to hurt me again before he dies. I hope I've made the right decision on this. My dad is worth about 4 million bucks, but I've been told it all goes to my brother anyway.
My mom has always supported me in my decisions and still does. But all that stuff she did in the past rakes over my mental stability from time to time just as much as dad's stuff does.
Anyway. Glad I got it out there.
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self.offmychest
|
How does someone with social anxiety go to interviews? I [25M] have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder about 6 or 7 years ago. I have had it for as long as I can remember. The only thing that helped was taking Xanax.
It doesn't help unless I take a really huge amount. So, feeling a little less anxious requires me to take a lot of Xanax to the limit that I have to pass out at the end of day and sure I won't be able to go to interview in this condition.
What should I do to go to interviews? Has any one been able to overcome their anxiety and sat in front of a couple of strangers without having a nervous breakdown? I feel like I'm going to be unemployed for the rest of my life.
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self.Anxiety
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Lies, deception Over the years I actually managed to make some friends that would keep me afloat in those times of despair. Unfortunately, as someone wise said "All good things must come to an end.". And I am no exception to this. Friends no longer taking my side, isolating me, roasting me and so on. Betrayal is one of the saddest parts of my life currently. I let my guard down, open up to someone, only to be backstabbed later. I keep saying to myself "I won't let this happen again", yet, over time I forget and the process repeats. This is one of the reasons why I like being alone. No one can turn their back to you if there is no one to, right? In those times of need, life decides to fuck me.
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self.depression
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Can you feel depression coming? I posted a few weeks ago because I started to get suspicious about my moods (since then, I learned that my parents both in the past thought it could be bipolar). Well, I don't know but since I definitely more relate to this sub than the one for depression, I wanted to ask this here.
I have been great for a few weeks but began to feel a bit more down sometimes this past week. An in-between sort of. I can be in a nice party which I'm really into and randomly start getting "sad". It's like I can feel depression coming back, for no reason. And it's frustrating.
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self.bipolar
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Please read if you have a moment. I don’t want to reveal my age, but you should know that I’m a minor. I’ve made an awful mistake over and over. I never meant to send those photos of myself. In every moment I thought that I wouldn’t regret it, only to have it haunt me every single day. It just felt good in the moment... So, so wrong. I didn’t know what I was doing and wasn’t ready to be doing it. I’m afraid of telling people of the mistakes I’ve made in fear of being persecuted or criminally charged for photos and words I wish I could take back every day. I hate this. I hate myself. I’m an awful person for the things I’ve done. They were all adults, I’m just a kid, not that it matters.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Is this the end 8 years ago my ex fck another guy. and i saw it infront of my eye when she went inside the guy's house, i beg for her to come back. Ingot another gf 6 years ago and she too fck other guy. i beg for her to come back too. And here i am learning perfecting my noose tying skills. waiting for the strenght to give in. Funny story. :)
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self.depression
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Uncomfortable with male therapists? So, I’m planning on attempting therapy. As terrified as I am about therapy, I feel as if I need it. So, a lot of the therapists who can handle my insurance are male therapist, being a male myself, I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Do any males here have experience with male therapists? I just think I might feel uncomfortable around them. I’m a big cryer, so I want a therapist who is okay with me crying my eyes out constantly. Quick note, I’m attending therapy for “Pure O” OCD.
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self.Anxiety
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Honestly whats the point? I cant control my anxiety & therapy might not help. So I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, severe Hypochondria along with panic attacks and obsessions & compulsions and I have been trying to seek help.
I have been on meds for a few months & it's the best decision iv made, however i'm not cured the meds just dull the symptoms but I still cant function like a normal human being & I cant cope with this, i'm going to die at some point & my life is just wasting away while i'm constantly scared & anxious. I hate leaving the house, I cant play sport because i'm afraid ill get hurt or the team will get mad at me because I suck, i cant even watch tv or read anything related to health or danger without freaking out and being convinced i'm dying & i'm constantly worried spiders are going to kill me in my sleep or that i'm just going to drop dead for no reason. I constantly feel like there is something wrong with me & none of my friends or family understand that I cant just stop being anxious or do things like a normal person.
I have been on the waiting list for therapy for about 5 months and I called up today as I have my first appointment tomorrow and it turns out they didn't even book me in they forgot so now i have to wait at least another month & Im struggling. Im beginning to lose all hope, what even is the point of trying the therapy probably wont help, i can only have 10 sessions in a year as I just turned 18 and cant pay for my own meds let alone therapy & my family struggle financially so I cant ask them to pay for me because i'm unable to function normally. We are also going to be even worse financially soon as my mum has decided to divorce my step dad who is and has been emotionally abusive to me for years. I feel guilty about this because i'm the one he hates not my mum so she shouldn't have to suffer because of me. Im so worried about everything mainly my health, death & money and it makes everything so hard, I don't even know why I have mental health issues and it sucks. I also just finished school so I don't have studying to distract me or give me a sense of achievement anymore and I have no hobbies because they are expensive. I cant even get a job even though I try so hard and had almost perfect grades, nothing seems to be going right for me at the moment. Im kind of pathetic I cant even drive because im terrified of cars and driving im 18 I should be a responsable and able person but im not.
Sorry I sound like im whining I know there are heaps of people worse of than me I don't even really know what the point of this post is i'm just really frustrated and stressed.
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self.Anxiety
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Oh how badly I wish I had the courage to end it once & for all. No matter what I do, I always come back to the same thoughts & feelings. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to do this. I didn't sign up for it! [deleted]
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self.depression
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Anybody down to talk to me I just feel alone and bored
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self.depression
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Last night I experienced some of the worst pain I ever felt. I'm laying awake in bed again, dreading the day. Yesterday was an incredible struggle. The chaos and the pain and the confusion grew and grew and grew until I couldn't take it anymore, and my version of 'can't take it anymore' comes out in violence against myself. I explode in out of control anger, hitting myself over and over until I get exhausted. And last night this kept happening, and I couldn't stop it. I was in agony, both inside and out. The pain was so intense I could barely breathe, could barely believe anything else existed other than the total and overwhelming pain, as I was curled in the fetal position in bed, struggling for air, praying that it would stop, that I would fall asleep or die right then so it would stop. Eventually I was able to reach my phone, plug in headphones and listen to Sia's Breathe Me again and again until I fell asleep.
But now I am awake and alone again, and I'm dreading the day. I can't handle this any more. I can't.
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self.depression
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What do I do Hi I just need a little advice from you guys I would really appreciate it. I've had depression for about a year now and I've just dealt with it for the most part. Never really got any professional help and never really saw the need to. Anyway I've noticed that everything I once loved to do for hobbies such as video games, working out, playing music, has just... died I guess. And I don't know what to do and I hate it so much. When ever I'm not working or if I have a day off, I literally do nothing that whole day I'm so bored and it's making me really sad. I just hate seeing myself like this and I want to fix myself. I want to get those hobbies back and I want to have fun with everything I used to love. What should I do? I don't want to get any professional help unless it's like the only way to fix this I'm not very comfortable with talking to strangers about this kinda stuff. Thanks in advance
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self.depression
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Having a good day is giving me anxiety? hi. i posted this in r/depression; but i wanted to post here too and ask you all as well...
i have chronic depression and anxiety. i am seeing a therapist, no medication.
i wanted to know, if anyone has had good days?
this past week has been mellow for me. (minimal crying, no self harm/ideation, feeling low but i can get out of bed, appetite is normal, no panic attacks)
for me personally; i have cycles or waves of deep, dark depression. i have been down so low these past couple of months, it feels like i just come up for air but still treading water. but once i come up; i know that i will always go back down again, sometimes i fall super hard and it hits me out of no where. im scared that this is one of those times. like being in the eye of a storm.
do you feel odd feeling normal, even if its for a short amount of time? personally my anxiety is flaring because i feel somewhat normal and i know that this isnt normal and my mind is going a mile a minute and i feel a weight on my chest, like i dont know what to think about myself right now.
any advice?
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self.Anxiety
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Medication recommendations / warnings? I have GAD and am wondering who else has had success or failures with which medications?
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self.Anxiety
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The line between being okay and wanting to kill myself is so thin I just need to get this out guys. Some days i'm okey, other i wanna kill myself, the past days have been the latter, a girl i was snapchatting with and have hooked up with the past weekend doesn't seem interested in me anymore. we hooked up at my place, and it's quite messy in my room since i have depression and just can't find the energy to clean, and i told her before we came home that it was a bit messy but not about me depression, she understood and said her room was also messy. But the thing is the days after everthing seemed fine, but the last 2 days, she has only sent one sentence responses on snapchat and with no smileys at all, she used to send loads of it earlier. I asked here if she was doing okey herself since i know she has had some rough couple of weeks, she was doing okay and thanked me for asking. I don't really know if letting her inside my parents house was a good thing since it's not looking up to standards. That fuels my depression even more because i'm afraid to let people in to my life and that they abandon me when the see how i live and all the fuzz around me. I may seem like a funny guy when people first meet me, but that's pretty much the only joy i have, is to make people laugh and to see them be happy, because i know how it is to be sad all to well. i really don't know what to think about this of if i'm making more drama out of it, what do you girls/guys think?
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self.depression
|
I need to talk to someone. My Snapchat is grimis_cares. My girlfriend and I got in a fight and she’s been ignoring me. I’m having a mental breakdown and need to talk to someone. Preferably a female so they can help me understand what she’s thinking.
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self.depression
|
Depressed, yet productive? Background: I have a history of depression and anxiety. Went to therapy and took meds for some years a while back, felt like i was "all better" so phased that stuff out. Was good for about 5 years, then started feeling very depressed and anxious again - not consistently, but kind of sporadically although frequent (a few days a week of feeling like shit). Took me 3 years to actually do the work of finding another therapist, been seeing her for a few months now. No meds currently. I haven't been feeling depressed so much as in the past, although there are days where i feel very glum and just can't shake the feeling that everything is pointless. I do experienced pretty intense anxiety fairly often (most days). I do get angry and irritated very easily, which my therapist said could be a sign of depression.
Sometimes i start to wonder if i am depressed again, but i think back to the times when I'm sure i was depressed, and it was crippling sadness and nearly impossible to get things done. But now, i am able to get a lot done, though usually under the gun after having procrastinated to the max, or because i really have no choice in the matter (something for work or an essential need for my family). Ever since i had my daughter 2 years ago, I've been more on top of making sure i get shit done so as to not let her down and to give her a good life. Does being able to do things mean i can't be depressed?
Sorry for the long post. Obviously I'm not looking for a diagnosis. Just thoughts. I'm trying to get a clearer picture of what's going on with me and am actively working with my therapist on it. I really wanted to ask this question to others with this experience.
TL;DR - Showing signs of depression, yet still able to get everyday chores and tasks done. Could i still be depressed in spite of this?
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self.depression
|
im young dumb, a bit careless at times but 2k17 has been the year where i just want to end it all. i have had more fucked up shit happened to me in the past but now its like im just being fucking thrown around like a ragdoll and my family "tries to support me" but you cant just throw someone in a mental hospital for half of their lives and expect the best out of someone afterwards. I need/want someone who can relate to me but its like I'm just a fucking lunatic in the family. I'm a FUCKING retard and nobody will ever love me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What do you think caused your depression? I know for me I came to realize by my late teenage years that I have developed dual brain consciousness. What I mean is I alternate between two states at any given moment. Around friends and family I "turn on" my visual hemispheres. I actively look to be creative and funny and this drains my energy. When I'm alone I turn off and operate entirely on unconscious awareness. I will stare at the wall and "recharge" No thoughts, no feelings, like a dead man. People who caught me in the "off mode" have told me I have dead eyes.
All of this translates to my sex life (non existent right now) But when it was active I was never able to cum inside a woman. The reason being sex is a spontaneous act. And i operate like a robot in the off or on mode. I simply can't let go like other people.
This is what causes my depression. Could be autism, adhd, or any other host of illnesses. Bottom line is after 25 years I realize you can't change it hard as you try. The neural pathways planted their roots long ago. This causes me pain because all I ever want is to socialize and keep appearances like normal people
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self.depression
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I want to play games with someone & just talk I'm looking for someone who plays minecraft or terraria even D2 or Overwatch. Maybe we can just chill & you can vent to me etc. If interested PM Or leave Psn below
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self.depression
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Fuck it! I’m gonna get up from bed, shower, get dressed and go out to a bar and celebrate New Years all by my self.
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self.depression
|
Having wisdom teeth removed. Scared to death about anesthesia. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Someone help me, either kill myself or save me [deleted]
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self.depression
|
AHH, hypomania, my long lost friend Holy moly, this is totally going to be a manic post and may be triggering?
I feel on top of the world. I catch myself being very impulsive and off-kilter. I went shopping and spent way more money than what was necessary on things that weren't needed and am filled with hypersexual thoughts (TMI?). These are my clear symptoms that either the hypomania will turn into mania and I will soon crash.
I'm obviously talking a million miles an hour and cannot control my energy which comes off a night with horrible sleep. I feel it becoming more than hypomania though, at the moment, the euphoria makes it so I do not want to stop it nor use my obvious learned coping.
I'm currently at a local coffee shop on my second cup of coffee and hoping this feeling can at least turn out some much-needed homework that needs to be done. And hopefully, on the way home I can center myself and be able to call my brain down.
I guess I don't know what else to say about this but rather am using this as a journal due to the lack of having mine with.
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self.bipolar
|
Newly single at 25 I’m newly single at 25. I’m female. Feel stuck in a rut. Any others newly single at 25? After a year long relationship I thought may be the one.
Gr
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self.offmychest
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Once again, I want to kill myself This is my third time coming to this reddit. I don't want to explain all the details again, so I'll keep it short: My ex had left me for some other guy in August. Things were going great between us, and I never got a real answer as to why. I have been battling with depression since October of last year, and have subsequently started abusing Benadryl to combat my emotional pain. But things have gotten worse as of late; I don't care to live anymore. I wouldn't mind dying any day now. I used to set goals for myself, like try to make it till this holiday/event, but I just can't. This pain is too much for me. I would love to have a better life, but as I said, I have lost all hope for that.
tl;dr: After so much pain and heartbreak, I don't want to live anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
ED recovery and type 2 [below will detail instances of disordered eating and ED behaviors that may disturb]
i don’t like to have a “fuck it” attitude about much of anything, but starving myself to fit into half a dozen pairs of pants has lost its charm. i lost 45 pounds three years ago and since then i’ve been manic trying to keep it off. however, i’ve taken on a second job (now i’m working with babies/twos at a daycare!) so i’ll need as much stamina as i can get.
i flirted briefly with keto until i realized 20 net carbs a day makes me a fucking heathen. i’ve been focusing on both quality and quantity of the food i eat. i eat small meals, but frequently, to curb any bingeing i can tend to do. i still get run down at around 10:30 AM when i’m at work.
i stopped taking my mood stabilizer because i actually was falling asleep at work, so now i have to wait until March to get a new one, when my new insurance kicks in.
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self.bipolar
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Mixed feelings about my best friend helping me speak up about my eating disorder. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I can feel myself dwindling away day by day i post a lot on here and I’m sorry but it’s the only place I can vent and not feel AS crazy when I tell people in person who don’t understand
Nothing has gotten better and I’ve tried hard to control it and tell myself I’m fine and I’m okay and I’m going to get better but I keep having horrible existential thoughts that put me in such a fucking panic that I feel like I’m going to pass out and I really don’t feel like any of this is real when I think like that
I cried a lot today at work and had anxiety the entire 8 hours I was there because I kept thinking about my dad and I can’t get over t
Nothing works for me anymore to calm down I’m only okay when I’m sleeping still
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self.Anxiety
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I’m pretty sure I’m bipolar but super scared to see someone about it. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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just wanted to say goodbye. I am going to shoot myself. I am tired of being broke,i am tired of having no where to put my stuff,and I am tired of living with my parents. No matter how hard I try I can't get ahead.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety at school How do you deal with anxiety at school and in classes in which discussion and participation matters?
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self.Anxiety
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Type 1 Can anyone PM me and help advise about my bipolar friend please?
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self.bipolar
|
I experience social depression online, have become suicidal as a result of discord bans etc. I know it's so pathetic. But I participate (or did participate) in online communities that see me as annoying and and a shithead. I have autism which makes it hard to interact with people and I would often try to meme or stir drama in order to interact and that doesn't go well. I also suffer from depression that started in 2016 and began reclusing irl and going online for all my social needs. With this community in particular, I have resorted to suicide threats and once sent them all a snapchat of me attempting suicide following a discord ban in order to try to change their hatred to pity. Id do anything to seek acceptance in that community and idk what to do. I feel like abandoning the community is not an option as i have friends in there, but the universal consensus in there is that im a bad guy. I'm seeking a psychologist this week to discuss but i think reddit might be a good place to get some thoughts. I'm not really suicidal these days, just mostly trying to find ways to cope, and this is the opposite of a good way to cope the events that are unfolding and i continue to blame my suicidal thoughts on others and continue to emptily threaten suicide. what should i do to somehow try to fit in this community?
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self.depression
|
I can I die now? I know for a fact all the good times in my life are behind me.I want to kill myself. I don't want to over think it. I just need this to be over. I never talk to people, I live in dorms at my university and I don't have a single friend. My grades are terrible I have no future. But everytime I get close I think about my parents getting the call that I've died. But every day I want to more and more. It is all I think about. I have nothing to live for. I don't want to be selfish but I can't do this anymore. I have written a note I am ready to go. Can I?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Is it fair to get into a relationship with someone when your bipolar isn't well managed? As the title says. I've been thinking about this a lot lately.
I've found someone I very much enjoy and want to be with, but I'm not sure if I can responsibly enter a relationship with someone when I know my illness affects me so profoundly. Sometimes my symptoms get really bad and I become a person I don't recognize. I don't think I'd bring someone else into this mess.
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self.bipolar
|
I lost my job today. I've never been fired before. Just a new feeling, I guess.
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self.offmychest
|
Surprise guest visit. One ativan already down. Gonna be an interesting night
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self.Anxiety
|
Finding a Job? I'm a 20 year old who just moved across several states to live with my partner, and I haven't had a job since I was 17. Back then I was very depressed, anxious, and starting to develop suicidal thoughts partially due to the job at hand. I think my bad experience at the grocery store I worked at mentally did bad for me and I wasn't able to really seek out more employment after. For the longest time I avoided jobs, but recently as of the start of 2017 started taking Anti-Depressants. Currently, I need to find a job. While my boyfriend does make enough to support the two of us I don't want to rely on him forever. I'm very anxious talking to new people, and the idea of working still really scares me. I'm not sure where to look, because I constantly have the fear of my bad experiences coming back.
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self.Anxiety
|
For anyone with MRI now or in future, a helpful post from someone who just had one. Hey everybody.
So I had an MRI on my brain today, I have general anxiety disorder and panic disorder and as you can imagine I've been freaking out all week about this MRI and having panic attacks every day.
My tips to get through it (which I did without a panic attack or having to be taken out of the machine)
First, get yourself some sedatives, I take 5mg diazepam (valium) every day anyway but I doubled down today and took 10mg.
Prepare yourself, go on YouTube and listen to the sounds the MRI machine makes. It is very loud and makes some crazy noises but if you've heard them before they will not freak you out in the machine. They are pretty wild but I was given noise cancelling headphones on with music to help a bit.
The techs are EXTREMELY helpful, I was given the headphones to listen to music from spotify and they checked in with me after each scan to see how I was doing and make sure I was okay (I forewarned them of my panic attacks).
Wear an eyemask, this is key. I was put on the table, had my head placed in the brace (which is very comfortable and barely noticeable), given the headphones and the panic button (to push if you need to speak to the techs or get out), and then put on an eye mask BEFORE they put me inside. This way I had no idea I was in a small space, it also helped because some of the loud bangs made me instinctively open my eyes but the eye mask kept me in the dark as to where I was.
They blew the air con right into the machine. This also really helped as it gave me the feeling I was in a much bigger space than I actually was.
And finally focus on your breathing, the crazy noises the machine makes actually provides an interesting rhythm which helped me to keep my breathing in check and stay calm.
If anyone has any questions now or in future from using the search function feel free to shoot me a pm or a comment and I'll answer anything sent my way.
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self.Anxiety
|
nothing I decided a while ago that my life was going down hill. I don't know what caused me to decide this but I couldn't get it out of my head. Worthless. That's what I am. I haven't contributed anything in my time being here. I've tried putting my best foot forward, and getting out of my comfort zone, making new friends, telling people how I feel...but I'm just tired. Tired of trying when things don't work out. I want to help other people climb out of their own holes, tell them how amazing they are, how much I enjoy being around them. I'm seeking compliments myself. I want to be good enough for other people, my friends, my family. I mostly want to find confidence in myself. so I tell people the wonderful things I see in them so hopefully they'll see me too. I'm drowning. I feel so alone. Sometimes I gather the courage to tell my friends, and even call my mom to tell her how lonely I feel, but words can't describe. Why can't I be happy? Why can't I be happy with myself, and the life I've had. It could be worse. People worse off then me are stronger. I'm spoiled I guess. I'm not grateful for what I've been given, so I think I will begin my end. I don't know how. Maybe I just won't wake up tomorrow.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Turns out I was an accident Well it is my bday today, and I found out that my mom wanted to abortion me, and I also later found out that I could have had a brother but as you could have guessed he was the abortion. So overall worst 22nd bday ever. At least it explains why my mum finds me as the biggest disappointment in her life. Hope all of you manage to deal with your problems.
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self.depression
|
A Bit Of A Vent Hey, everyone, I’m new to this subreddit so I don’t know if this is the right place to talk about my shit life but I’ll give it a try. This will mainly be a kid whining about everything in list form.
I’m in high school right now, which is bad enough, but almost everything that can be wrong is wrong for me. Grades wise I’m not doing terrible, but I’m certainly not good. I’m terrible at Math to the point where I literally have no hope of getting better. Things that are laughably easy to other people take me hours to do. I studied a lot for a test I had on Friday, and I knew barely enough to finish the first page, and guessed everything in the last two. I don’t know what I want to do with my life so getting good enough grades is important to at least get into a college. It seems like everyone else is cruising through school and doing a bunch of shit while I struggle to do fucking logarithms.
I hate school in general and have no passion for the subjects. I like Art and creating things, but I’m not even good at it. I can’t do normal school and I’m not good enough to do anything else. I don’t want my family to get their hopes up just to have a disappointment.
I’m pretty late into high school so everyone is getting their drivers licenses now. Most of my friends have their permits and licenses while I can’t pass the test. My family is always working so I almost never have time to go to retake the test, meaning I can probably get a chance every few weeks. I study and always try my best, and the test itself doesn’t make me nervous, but I’m too stupid to pass it. Everyone takes it once or twice and passes, while it’s taken me months. At this point, even if I pass the test this week, I’ll have my license by the end of Senior Year. It’s humiliating to take the bus at school while everyone else gets in their cars and laughs at you as they drive by, and I honestly can’t blame them. No one should have this much trouble with a test.
I’m not fit at all. I don’t have huge arms or look good. I have terrible acne that won’t go away. I’ve tried every kind of treatment, diet, and wash, and it never goes away. My teeth are crooked and yellow. I have a bad build so it’s obvious how unfit I am. I’m fat and have huge thighs and stomach for a guy, with a really small chest and arms. I’m not trying to be funny but I literally look like what a goblin would look like. I know no one really notices my shortcomings as much as I do myself, but I know people notice at least a little. I also do this thing where when I like a girl I constantly stare at them. I don’t try to but it gave me this reputation of being some sort of freak in my high school, because my face and eyes make no expression by default, so I’m like a still frame constantly looking at girls, and I know it makes them uncomfortable.
There’s one girl I’ve liked since the beginning of Freshman year. While I like other girls too, I’ve consistently liked her for the past few years. She’s fit and popular and has her life together. She has a car and drivers license, good grades, cool clothes, and everything I don’t. I’ve told her how I feel about her sometimes but I know she doesn’t like me back. You might tell me I should just give up and move to a new girl to like but I’ve tried. No one else really interests me. Sometimes in class I think about what it would be like to be with her and I literally can’t IMAGINE her liking me. I don’t want to tell her all about how I feel because I don’t want to give her a hard time being worried about the creepy kid attacking her or something like that. If you’re a female reading this you’ll understand what I mean, there are some guys you’ll never want to be with. I know that’s what she thinks of me.
Probably the worst thing is that I have no motivation to make anything better. I try to do everything I can but my depression always ends in me just giving up and crying about it like a pussy. I know in the end I’ll be a total loser and have nothing to show for my years in high school.
I’m sorry about this huge post. If you read this, thank you. There isn’t much advice you could give me because everything wrong in my life is my own fault, but any words are very appreciated.
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self.depression
|
DAE have experience with Pristiq? I was on Abilify, it made me super shaky, and I've been getting more depressed lately so just switched my meds
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self.bipolar
|
I can't make myself shower for ANYTHING I hate showering. It takes so much energy, mentally and physically, and frankly i don't care much about my personal hygiene. How can i get the willpower to shower??? How can i just force myself to? I'm literally undressed w the water running and CANNOT just get in
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self.depression
|
[Question] At 22 years old, I have come to realize i have struggled from social anxiety for the better part of my life. What steps do i take moving forward? Long story short, in middle school I changed from being very outgoing, to afraid to talk to most people for whatever reason. While I could still bring myself to talk to others, it was always with a feeling of nausea and tense muscles. This feeling had been seemingly gone the past four years, as I had met an amazing girl and after meeting her, all of these feelings began to subside and I was extremely comfortable in my own skin.
We recently broke up, and almost immediately I began to feel those same feelings I felt throughout my childhood. It has become crippling at this point, and is really beginning to ruin a great life I've made for myself.
Those who've dealt with social anxiety, what do you think my best move is here? While I've never been medicated for any mental illness, I am completely open to any option that will help me become comfortable within my own skin again.
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self.Anxiety
|
We don't have food for you. I am working overtime on a different shift than my own in a couple hours. I dont celebrate Christmas so I don't mind working it so others can be with their families.
Last week, one of my coworkers said that on Christmas day they will be having food for everyone. I asked if I could bring anything and she said sure. Cool, I will figure something out. We got busy and didn't talk anymore about it.
So Christmas day, 4 hours before the overtime shift, I get a call from that co-worker. "Hey we don't have enough food for you so make sure you bring your own."
Luckily I had some ground beef in the freezer and was able to turn my spoonbread recipe into a casserole with meat and veggies so I can have something sort of balanced. Glad that worked out because no stores are open on Christmas.
All these thoughts are running through my head about the situation but mostly I am just sad and disappointed.
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self.offmychest
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Nonstop Impulses I always thought my BP2/ADD (?) was all about *distractions*. Shiny things, and all that. A partly external problem that I just suck at filtering out. I never considered my overpowering urges and habits to be impulse-based, and it is revolutionizing the way I’m seeing things.
I Googled around to learn more, and I came across a bullshit shaming listicle from BP Hope (I thought they were our friends!!!) basically saying “just discipline yourself!”. As if everybody gets the impulse to stay up into the wee hours organizing their bathroom, or the compulsion to spend their whole paycheck on something they didn’t give a shit about a week ago, or the brilliant idea to start their own business with no money, but they’re just better at controlling it.
At work, it seems to take me twice the time to do things as everyone else, and it’s largely due to constant small, but uncontrollable things I “have to do”.
Fuck all that. I figured I’d check in with the real BP ni••az. Where do you think our nonstop impulses come from and has anyone had any luck with controlling them?
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self.bipolar
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Update to needing perspective The verdict is in- bipolar I.
Whee?
Added Abilify to my mix. I hope it helps me level out. I'd love to be somewhat functional again.
I gotta say, though, mania is thrilling. Until it's not. Then it just sucks.
Ugh.
Thanks for the feedback on my previous post. Really helped me understand stuff.
Now I just want to go sleep forever.
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self.bipolar
|
Love, suicide and existentialism I'm not big on relationships I often avoid them just because of the heartache I seem to cause others.
A girl in a different country really makes me happy...
This situation just amplifies my desire to die.
I've never done anything to myself, I'm probably too afraid.
But I always go to bed and the same thought "I want to die" echoes in my mind.
I have a good job, family and friends but what's the point?
I just don't care, I just don't see the point in anything sometimes and it's growing in frequency.
Why?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Small Victory Saturday 11.4.17 What did you accomplish this week? Let's celebrate our victories together!
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self.bipolar
|
Pitch perfect 3 made me smile for the first time in a long time. It's the only thing keeping me alive right now. I love those movies. I use entertainment to escape my shitty life. My movies, Tv shows, music and porn are the only reason why I'm alive for this long. I lived longer than i expected. Am I the only one who imagines themselves as someone else in movies or tv shows and imagines themselves in it? I hope not.
I just felt like sharing.
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self.depression
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Anxiety not allowing me to breathe well. What can I do? Getting in stressful situations is a bit common for me but it seems like lately my anxiety is taking over my chest, there’s a pressure and it makes breathing feel very labored. I started to attempt to do relaxed breaths by breathing in through my nose out through my mouth but people will just ask me what’s wrong with me and why I’m breathing like that. I understand the best solution is just to calm down overall and all symptoms will subside, but what can i do about this painful feeling in my chest to make it stop in the moment ? Thank you so much.
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self.Anxiety
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Is it bad to just tell a girl .... Is it bad to just tell someone your seeing that you just want to “F#ck” , let’s get straight to the point. I understand that sometimes you need to take them out 2-3 even 4 Times , but sometimes literally you just want to F#ck no dinner , no drinks just good clean f#cking .... so question is it bad to just drop it in a convo like “ I want too F#ck, before we go out cause i no she does but we will play this whole going out game eating drinking dancing ... she’s a good girl could even be long term but serious why the whole taboo over F#cking on first site ... ???
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self.offmychest
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I have no direction in life and I may be growing complacent. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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DAE Frequently Ruin Things For Themselves? This is something I do frequently. I feel anxiety whenever I'm trying to enjoy something, which leads to me not enjoying it. Then I feel worse about the whole thing later on. So many moments that I should be able to look back on fondly are ruined because I was feeling anxiety over those exact moments while they were happening.
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self.Anxiety
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Weekly Reminder - What I've Learn About this Community This is a bit of a different post, I want to try something out, so please bare with me.
Firstly, to explain what weekly reminder deal is. I think we all get distracted, have our thoughts in which we get lost and due to that we forget to take our meds, we forget that we need to be kind of ourselves. Further explanation will be in the other part of the post. So, to make this reminder an effective one, I decided to merge it either with a topic, my point of view on some things or things I've noticed, etc. I was pointed out what daily reminder can have as an side effect, which I am very grateful for. Okay, I am very nervous about this post, so sorry if my writing here and then won't make sense and sorry for it being chaotic. English not being my mother tongue language doesn't help as well. Anyway, here we go:
Okay, so, I've been part of this subreddit for about 2 months know I believe, won't guarantee it though. In this 2 months I've noticed couple of things which I want to point out:
- Everyone here is friendly and understanding. Everyone is ready to help out if they can, if nothing, they will offer their honest support.
- Many people here are either recently diagnosed or have questions, and many people around here have great library of knowledge which they share, so no questions most of the time pass without a single comment.
- For people that have been part of the subreddit for a longer time, it's a safe zone. Zone where they know they will be accepted no matter how they're doing. This applies to new members as well, it just takes time to adapt and get used to it. It had massive impact on me. I would be more than happy to call you my family.
- Whatever you are going through, you are not alone. That is where family part from point 3 kicks in.
Those were just 4 of main observations I had that I believe are important. Now, to make it a reminder, let's break them down.
Don't be afraid to speak up about your problems, don't lurk around, start by commenting on posts, that is how I did as well, and in within a week I noticed that some people prefer to lurk, which is completely fine, just to be clear. But if there is something you want to talk about, no matter what it is, do it. I promise you, someone out there will reach out and give you their piece of advice or view on the topic.
On the other side of the spectrum, to everyone who feels like they can help, even in shape of form of hearing someone out, don't scroll only through the home page. I encourage you to go to new posts and try to see if some were left out, of course, if you can't help, you simply can't help, don't hold it against you. Reason why I encourage this is because it was pointed out that some posts left untouched through the day. Nobody here is alone, and I think it can be done to make it feel that way.
If you have a question, remember the rule that nobody here is your doctor, so make sure to consult with your therapist about certain medical issues, but everyone will happily give their input/opinion in hopes of clearing some things out or point you in the direction where you could find answers you seek. It is important to be self aware and to learn about the illness you have, I was in denial, and believe you me, until I accepted it, it was so much worse. Don't be ashamed of it. After all, you're putting up a hell of a fight every day. That is something to be proud of.
Respect the rules and other members. If someones opinion don't fit with yours, doesn't mean it should not be respected and treated like one. Some things are facts, some are not. Depending on a type of discussion going on, remember that we all have our views and beliefs. So, I will repeat myself, please respect others. We are all trying our best to help out and to make this a safe zone for everyone, no matter how long they've been around.
Last, but far from being the least important. This is a family place. Everyone here is connected in some shape or form. Don't be afraid to speak up. Nobody will judge you. Open up if you need to.
To be clear, I haven't written those down without following them. This is what I've learnt while doing things mentioned above:
Sometimes just being out there, even as a shoulder to lean on, without any proper advice, it makes a huge difference. If you are in need of a shoulder or want to offer one, please do so, it might lead to some great conversations and it can be something beautiful. Do not force yourself if you don't feel like doing so though, we all have our comfort zone.
I may have not made a post with a question, but I have asked people via comments/PM's about some things I was interested in. Not a single person ignored me, quite opposite actually, every single one helped me a ton just by talking to me. I know it can be scary, but don't be afraid, we are here to help out and to seek for help, this is a fight we are not fighting alone. Remember that.
As a final word, please, take your meds on time, if you want to get of them, consult your therapist about it and take precaution to see what could possibly happen. Rather be ready than to get caught off guard. It makes a difference. Be kind to yourself, take some time in the day to do something that relaxes you, it can help you calm your mind. If you are taking Lithium, even though thirstiness is a side effect, remember to drink water. Not sure which other medication has similar side effects. If you have tips about some medications, leave them in the comments below, if needed I will edit the post or we can make a new one that we will just keep building on. Also, since I am at the topic of water. If you cried, make sure to chug down a glass of mild/cold water and pour yourself another one. Take a shower and change ALL of your clothes (underwear and socks included). Your body needs to stay hydrated and your mind will feel refreshed if you change all of your clothes.
If you have any questions/suggestions about the topic of community, medication, comment below, let's try to help each other the most. We understand each other since we are going through same hell just different levels.
Stay safe and sound! <3
EDIT:
/u/GunnCat pointed out something interesting medication wise. I suggest reading their comment, but this is something that I think could be worth thinking about:
"It's important that people understand, they ultimately have the power to find resources, they are comfortable with."
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self.bipolar
|
I've started being depressed when I was a kid and it has never stopped. Its gotten so bad that I don't know what fun is. When I was around 5 years old, I remember my parents talking in the hallway next to my bedroom about why I never smile or react to anything.
When I have free time I usually just go on youtube and watch stuff I don't even remotely care about.
I want to get good at drawing but when I get home I instantly lose all interest. I still want to get good but I just don't want to put effort into it.
I've only talked to my brother for about 10 minutes in this entire year (We live in the same house, his bedroom is next door to mine), I just don't know what to do. It sucks and it feels like I have no future. Today alone I slept for 22 hours straight even though I didn't feel tired.
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self.depression
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I wish I could scrub my brain with soap [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Strained relationships and Yom Kippur I had a bit of a revelation during a Yom Kippur service last night. The holiday is all about forgiving those who have wronged you and seeking forgiveness from those you have wronged and from God. It's always been a very hard holiday for me because during my childhood my mom would insist I "had to" forgive her (for abusing me, for being a shitty parent, for allowing others to abuse me, etc). It was a nightmare. I know a few people here who also had very difficult childhoods. This is for you.
There was a specific passage in the service that talked about not wanting *harm* to come to people because they have wronged you. I realized that I do feel this way - I don't want my mom to die or get sick because of what she has done to me. So in that sense, I can "forgive" her. If you can't forgive someone though, that's okay. Yom Kippur is about incremental changes, if it's just not happening this year (or ever) it's okay. I do think it's better to try and forgive than to sit with hatred and pain in your heart, but forgiveness is very personal and you can never, ever make anyone else do it if they don't want to or are not ready.
There's nothing about this holiday that means I need to forget. I'm not obligated to suddenly view her in a new light. I don't have to try to repair a relationship that is beyond fixing. I have tried and tried for 20-something years, and I think it's okay for me to finally admit that it's not going to happen.
Forgiving someone is not the same as wanting them in your life. It's not the same as love, it's not the same as acceptance, it's not the same as trying so many times and always being disappointed. I do want our relationship to improve, but I'm not holding my breath.
Another aspect of the holiday is communal responsibility. If someone in the community sins, we've all let them down and allowed it to happen and in some cases continue for years. It's important to stand up when we see injustice and do what we can to stop it. It's not enough to say "well, I didn't personally do that."
Anyway, if you're observing this holiday, I hope you have a good, meaningful day. If this applies to you, have an easy fast.
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self.bipolar
|
Scared to go back to hospital, already attempted, going to try again Been battling depression, bulimia, anxiety, psychosis, for most of my childhood. I've been in hospital on off for most of this year but I can't do it anymore. I already tried overdosing again last week but it didn't work. I know if my mum finds out that she'll tell my therapy program and I'll be put back in hospital. But I know I won't be able to make it. Everything feels empty. I'm completely done with this world. There's nothing here for me. I just want to stop existing. I can't handle all the hallucinations, all yeh voices, the paranoia, the self hate, the doubt, the loneliness, the pain. Every breath I take hurts. Every step I take feels like I've ran a marathon, for every positive thought there's a billion bad ones. I have no one. I've only held on so long for my mum, but I feel like I don't have her anymore. I just what it all to stop. I'm gonna take some more pills, maybe this time my body won't be able to take it. I'm just scared of hurting people. But I hurt them wether I'm alive or dead. I can't take it. 16 years of abuse and torment every second I'm alive since I was born. I'm don't with this world, I hope it lets me go so I can just stop. I really hope this is goodbye. I've already been here too long
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Is today the day? I’m debating on ending it. I don’t fit in to this world. I look around and I’m not a carefree partier like all the other college age kids. I suck at being my age. I’ll never have anyone special. I look at all these spoiled housewives who’s husbands do any and everything for them (work, pay for them to be pampered and go on exotic vacations, cook for them, clean, etc) and I know I’ll never be valuable enough for someone to wrap the world up in a pretty package, set it at my feet, and cater to my every whim.
I have a hard time relating to kids my age and that puts a serious damper on the whole “make friends” and “date” thing. The friends I DO have treat me badly and only talk to me or respond to me when it’s convenient or when they need something. I have no reason to believe a spouse wouldn’t treat me that same way since it seems obvious that I’m not worth being good to even though I have ALWAYS tried to be a good friend to others. Meanwhile I watch people who were mean to me when I was a child and they are doing so well in life. I just feel like I am abnormal, there’s things wrong with me, I don’t matter, I don’t belong, I will never be happy, and the ONLY thing I want anymore is to leave this world and let everyone else go on partying.
I hate my job. My family isn’t there for me. When I try to tell my mom I just get all this rot about how I can choose to be happy and if I’ve made a dumb decision (seems like every decision I make is bad) it just goes back to an “I told you so! You didn’t listen!”
I want to die. There’s no room for me in this world. I pray that God will just spare me the trouble and end me. But he hasn’t. Maybe I should just go do it myself?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
So my sister just told me that I never think about death [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Why is it seen as wrong to want to commit suicide?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Any depression simulator like depression quest? (but not depression quest)
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self.depression
|
I just wanna be heard. I have no real issues, I'm just sad I am not having true problems like almost everyone who posts here. The only thing that's happening to me is that lately have been these days when you feel sad and hollow and lonely. Now I've been trying it all to take it off. Games, movies, social interaction through Omegle but I know none of that works.
I just want to talk to a single friend and she's the only one that can make me feel less hollow. Nothing else can. Other things only avoid the feeling, but never take it off.
But I can't do it. I'm embarrassed. Not that we don't have intimacy, but I always felt terrible for asking her emotional support. I feel like an exploiter. A manipulator even. I know I can count on her, but I still feel so ashamed in doing so. She's having a hard time herself lately, it is not the time to need to worry about a whiny friend.
I wanna be heard. By her. Yet it's wrong. Honestly I don't know how should I procede, but silence seems the best option. So I want someone to know and to hear why I'm remaining quiet. Is this selfish? I don't know. But that's how I feel.
(and I also feel extremely embarrassed for writing all that)
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self.offmychest
|
I had a pretty bad panic attack for the first time I think the healthiest thing to do is to write down what I experienced and gather my thoughts. I just need to vent a little.
I just finished my last final this Tuesday, but for the past two days I keep waking up thinking I still have an exam to go to. I haven't slept very well. This morning I woke up pretty late (12 pm), and I felt pretty drowsy. I had a coffee for the first time in a month (maybe that's what triggered it?). I live in Canada, and right now it's Winter; the days are short and the nights are long. The sun was starting to set around 4 pm. That's when I started feeling uneasy.
My vision became hazy and my head felt full and cloudy. It felt incredibly hard to focus. I started to feel claustrophobic, like the walls and the darkness were closing in on me. My mind and heart started to race. I had shortness of breath and I started to feel disoriented.
That's when it hit me. The worst dread I have ever experienced in my life. I felt so fucking hopeless, as if the light would never come back. And I tried so hard to snap out of it, but it was inside of me and I didn't know what to do. I got up and opened all the lights in my condo, and then downed a glass of warm water. I sat on the couch and focused on my breathing. I was so damn scared, and I don't even know of what. I started to feel terrified that I would do something irrational.
It lasted for about an hour or two. I took a shower and I feel somewhat better now. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight. I just want to see the sun in the morning.
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self.Anxiety
|
I’m just tired, worn out and done with this. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Hello guys Does anyone ever get the feeling of just feeling tired. Like eyes are heavy, chest has this little fear type tingle that is hard to explain and also just thinking that u have cancer or something and your convinced it’s something serious like that. It’s also hard to put words in to sentences kinda feeling stuck with blurry vision but blinking takes it away. I’ve been feeling like this for about a couple months now and every day is alittle different. I was diagnosed with GAD about 7 years ago when I was 18. All that was due to drug use I’m guessing. I was on really hard drugs as a teenager. Im 25 now and just fear of death every living second. It’s really hard to know that I can’t just sit somewhere comfortble n read a book or something with out feeling dizzy or lightheaded. I do smoke ciggerates and that might be a cause as well but I’m just sick n tired of not being able to feel normal. I’ve gone to urgent care, ER’s and it’s always the same thing. It’s just really hard to believe that anxiety itself is doing this to me. Like I wouldn’t put this feeling upon my worse enemy. I just wanna get better and actually be able to walk into a store n shop normally with out wanting to leave that same second. Just be normal. I really wanna break down n cry sometimes but I can’t cause I don’t have access to that emotion for some reason I just always feel numb or mad. I just wanna go back to when I was 13 and being able to do everything and being excited about it
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self.Anxiety
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My girlfriend asked why I buy do much expensive stuff I never use and I couldn't help but laugh I finally realized they'll never understand.
😂😂😂😂
So whats the most expensive/weird stuff you got while on a episode?
I have 3 sunglasses that combined are worth about as much as all my other clothes together and one of them I never even used
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self.bipolar
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Today is one of those days when I feel like if I could get out of this Earth and leave, I would. My next thought was... "okay but what would I take with me?" And the beautiful notion of just letting everything go fell apart. -_-
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self.depression
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21mg of Ativan isn't lethal right? That's not a very high dose and if mixed with alcohol I would just sleep for a while? I just need sleep
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self.bipolar
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How do you cope when you have no support network? The girl I loved cut me off completely today. I have no shoulders to cry on and am extremely closed off from people. I am failing and feel myself being pulled into destructive habits which will only lead me down a darker path.
All i want is for someone to care about me.
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self.depression
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I don’t think I can be saved I think that I’m long gone. I’ve seek for help, but it’s been a temporary fix. Counselling. Therapy. Medication. Exercise. Positive thinking. Making things happen. But nothing has gotten me out of this hell.
Throughout my life I’ve been on the other. People on this outside would think I had a good life. Good family. Good education. Good friends. Good sports player. But inside I was dying. I was in groups, but I wasn’t close with anyone. I couldn’t connect. I felt the warmth, but I was still cold.
My 20’s so far has been hell. There have been times where I wanted to kill myself. Knives. Alcohol. Medication... but I held on. I had hope. Hope that my future could be better. I wanted to do something to salvage my life. Each attempt on a brighter life was met with nothingness. Each job attempt was met with rejection. Each friendship and relationship attempt was met with denial. Each sense of hope was met with despair.
I’m 29. My resume isn’t great. Good education but no experience. No entry level jobs will accept me due to lack of experience in that area. No low end jobs will accept me due to high level of education. No jobs in my field will accept me because I need to do a postgraduate degree to be qualified and registered.
I have a girlfriend... or had depending on the upcoming days. Due to my depressive episode, she has distanced herself and wanted time to think about stuff. She has other stuff going on, but the vibe I’m getting about her message is it’s about us nothing being in a relationship anymore. I told her what I’m dealing with and what is happening with me. I did my best to make a better life for myself not just for the sake of her and us, but primarily for myself. But it’s not enough.
I’ve lost one of the two chains that are keeping me in this world last year. Dad unexpectedly passed away. I had to handle most of the funeral stuff and be mum’s rock, not having the proper time to grieve. I don’t think he other chain is strong enough to keep me alive. She has been amazing but all I’ve brought is nothing in return. She deserves better than me. She deserves a better son with a better life and she has that with my brother. Already has a family, stable job, great life. I’m the opposite of all that.
I’ve already thought out my swan song and how I’m going out.
I’ve written out everything that has been plaguing my mind, my life. I don’t think there’s anything else left to say but...
Goodbye
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self.SuicideWatch
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Mirtazapine ( Remeron) Is anyone on here taking mirtazapine? I've just been prescribed it, along with my usual quetiapine (Seroqel), to help depression.
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self.bipolar
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PROTIP: Buy an eye mask for sleeping A friend of mine recently got blackout curtains for their bedroom and my anxious brain noticed how nice it was when the lights were off and the room was well and truly a safe dark place. I'm not in a situation where I can hang up a curtain rod and install new curtains in the space I'm currently living, so I did the next best thing and spent $12 on an eye mask.
I thought I was tossing and turning all night due to neck pain and nasal issues. Not the case at all. Ever since I've been using the mask and making it well and truly dark for myself, I'm sleeping through the night, and when I do wake, I'm getting back to sleep more quickly. I'm waking up feeling more rested and my anxiety is far from gone, but there is a marked decrease in my number of attacks and I'm handling "highly-charged" moments with more grace and mindfulness.
If you're having issues sleeping, for $10-20, it's worth a shot. Darkness helps the body produce melatonin naturally and sleep is kind of a big deal when fighting anxiety disorders. A simple eye mask is obviously no magic bullet, but it has definitely helped me and might help others.
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self.Anxiety
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How is it to have sex when u suffer from anxiety? When I think about me having sex, all I can see in front of me is when I think about something completely else and how everything goes wrong
But mainly thinking about something else
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self.Anxiety
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I have a morbid curiosity for reading YouTube comments [deleted]
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self.depression
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Lonely but I may have found the love of my life. 19 Year old guy in college, Just been doing my thing, taking classes toward my degree. I'm 6'0, 190lbs and overall I think I'm cool. All the girls at my college are so uninteresting and I've been unable to find a good relationship. None of the girls at my campus like to ride motorcycles which is a big part of my lifestyle. I've been so lonely and it's been years since I had a real female to share my feelings and give my love to. I recently got off work and went to go out to eat at my local sonic at around 10pm. I pull up with my bike and I order my food, Then the most beautiful girl comes out, She has these really short shorts, Beautiful short hair and a very pretty face in those roller skates. She hands me my food and she asks what bike I have, I tell her that it's a ninja 636 2014 model. She then responded that she had a suzuki v-strom before. We got in a good conversation about bikes/college and I asked for her number since she goes to the same college as me we just don't have any classes. We hit it off so well and our personalities just went together so well. After we finished talking she smiled at me with this beautiful smile and I could barely even put my helmet on and pull my bike out of the little drive thru thing to go home because I was so caught off guard and mesmerized by her, Everything about her. They way she talked to me, The way she looked at me, I think I'm in love.
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self.offmychest
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Need help finding therapist I have panic attacks about once or twice a week so I went to my doctor and now I'm trying to find a therapist. Do therapists work and how can I find one?
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self.depression
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My best friend Sorry for formatting and spelling, I'm on mobile.
I've been... In a terrible place. Honestly debating suicide and overall feeling very trapped and just horrible.
Yet my best friend... When I went to another friend's last night, she wrote me a note. About how... She was so lucky to have met me, and how she is inspired by me and loves me and thinks I am so kind and...
Guys... I started crying. I honestly don't deserve this amazing goddess as my friend.
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self.offmychest
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DAE feel anxious when you don't have your razor? I feel so anxious when I don't have my blade close to me, I dont have to be using it, I just have to know that it's close to me...
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self.depression
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loneliness begets more loneliness It seems to be that people hate the lonely. When you’re lonely, you are so desperate for attention. You just want people to like you. You just want someone to have some sort of connection with. It’s this desire that you feel like you will do anything for. But, people hate this. People hate when you are needy like that. They hate when you are insecure and desperate for their approval. When you’ve been so isolated for so long, you just become desperate like someone begging for money. You get surrounded with the fear that this connection is only temporary and they don’t like you enough, casting you back into the solitude that is on the verge of imploding. It’s like this sinkhole of quicksand forms, slowly sucking you down. You are frantic, trying to escape, asking anyone for help. But, you soon realize, the more you squirm your body and flail your arms, the further you get sucked in and that no one cares to help you.
Loneliness begets more loneliness. Never getting to learn how friendships or relationships work means you won’t be able to in the future. It’s already expected of you. People will dismiss you as weird for going out of your way to try to fix yourself. They don’t want to help you. Even if it wasn’t your fault you never got to socialize as a kid. You never chose to be born with neglectful parents who didn’t care that their child didn’t have any friends. They just gave you video games to enjoy so they didn’t have put in any effort into being a parent. So in a way, you were raised into this world of media and the internet. You sit here, pretending like it fills in some missing puzzle piece in a jigsaw that never did come with all the pieces. But it’s not like it works. You still hate being alone. You still can’t not be alone. And as much as you want to blame your shitty upbringing or you faulty brain you can’t help shake the feeling that it’s all your fault. It’s easy to get bitter over what seems like an unfair life, but no one has a fair life. Look at all of these people who’ve gotten over it and live happy meaningful lives. It’s my fault I’m like this.
Man, I really fucking wish I could just get over all those people I always fantasize about. That person I left a bad impression on. That girl who I wished liked me back. My grandpa who died before I could understand how much he actually meant to me. But it’s like I said. I was born lonely and it’s a cycle that renews itself every year. The same thoughts come up. The same mistakes get made in a desperate attempt to get out of depravity you were naturally brought into. Time seems like it passes by so slow when I am alone, yet I look back and it’s already thanksgiving and nothing has changed. The only thing that makes this experience worth it for me is the hopes that putting it to word can bring out something out of someone. Because, I really don’t understand it’s meaning for me.
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self.depression
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I regret not being a better friend to her. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Given up on enjoying anything Having a massive family party as we always do on christmas eve. In past years, its been the best day of the year. This time i cant bring myself to talk to anyone, and they dont talk to me because they know im a miserable shit. Now im upstairs trying not to gash my arm. Makes it even worse knowing that i should be happy but im being a sad shit instead. Just made me realise how much ive lost my ability to even be sociable to close family at christmas. Sorry if you wasted your time reading this i just wanted to tell something my thoughts
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self.depression
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How do some depressed people not give up and consistently work hard? How do they remain responsible (don't mean it condescendingly), productive, achieving, driven, ambitious, gritty, industrious, conscientious, resilient, committed...
I'm not blaming my inertia, defeatism and indolence on my conditions like ADHD and depression. But I did poorly in school, I do bad in pretty much every area of my life.
There is the occasional day where I could do drawing exercises for a few hours, some other activities for an extended time too. But on most days I feel limited to about 15 minutes. I'm not going to get anywhere with such a small amount of time and effort.
I boggles my mind that some individuals with depression and similar hardship remain relentless and persistent in their pursuits and endeavors.
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self.depression
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No family. No friends. What is there to live for? I find it harder to have a reason to even wake up in the morning. I have nothing.
I have no career to hold onto and nothing interests me anymore. No family, no children, and a slew of heartbreaks over my whole life which probably helped break me down to nothing.
My mother died 7 years ago and I never knew my father. I have a sprinkle of family members, though I don't know any of them really. I've literally had nothing since I lost my mother and every day is just like another day where I wish I could go back but I get further from it.
I had 2 really close friends growing up. One got hit by a car, and though alive, she suffered from extreme brain damage that left her unable to communicate like before. While I can still attempt to do so, her mom has taken control of her and hasn't let me around her since.
My other close friend broke up with me a few years back over me standing up for myself. She made some passive comment online about how I was a "waste of space" because of my quirks and I took it to heart. I even tried reconnecting with her on so many occasions and she told me to never contact her again.
My current relationship is an abusive one with someone who helped me be homeless not even a year ago, but I'm afraid to leave because I really have no other ties in this city.
The more and more I write about this, the more I question why I'm even here. Usually people always have at least a friend or something, but I literally have no one to turn to in my times of need.
I wish I had a purpose or whatever. Sadly, it's like if I have no one to make proud or to live for other than myself, then I see no point in living.
If I died tomorrow it would take a couple of months for anyone to even notice I'm missing. If a tree falls down in the forest but no one is around to hear it, does it even make a sound?
Anyway, not sure if anyone is actually reading this, but if you are, thank you.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Tried telling my husband how I’m feeling, and he fell asleep It’s fine. I don’t like me either.
I can’t stop feeling like everything is meaningless, and I don’t want that for my children. My biggest mistake was convincing my husband to marry me. He never wanted to. He never wanted kids, and now he has two. I want to find another woman to take care of my children and husband because they deserve so much more. I’ve ruined all of their lives, the least I could do is try to fix it.
Every day is Groundhog Day. Every few weeks or so, I’ll get the slightest glimmer of hope that I will fix this and be who I should be. “I’ll just be happy :D”
But as soon as it’s here, it’s gone and I’m back to just wanting to die.
I’m basically a brain dead mass that’s wasting time, space, and money. I’m always in a daze, and the only time anything is vivid is when I think about killing myself. So vivid, I can’t tell if it’s real or not. Everything else just happens I guess. I can’t drive anymore because I blackout too often and the whole point of this is giving my kids a second chance.
I think he’s just waiting for me to do it. He’s told me his plan for the life insurance money, all things that would make him much happier than I can. Maybe he’ll have enough money left over for a live-in nanny and she’ll fall in love with him and be the perfect mother and wife they deserve.
I know there’s something really wrong with me, there’s just nothing anyone can do to fix it.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm losing control of anxiety. Getting desperate and considering my options. Medication, therapy, etc. Hi all. I've never posted here before. I'm getting really desperate to help myself but I just don't know how. I'm going to give some short background first.
I've had anxiety issues for as long as I can remember. I had my first severe panic attack when I was 12. I've gone through a lot of phases of being well managed and being totally out of control. It manifests differently each time. The first strong bout was obsessive handwashing and constant anxiety about being contaminated. That went away. Came back as constant checking. I would get stuck sometimes checking that I closed doors properly (tugging on the handle, making sure the door won't open) for 30+ minutes and have been late because of it). That went away for the most part. Now it's come back as health anxiety, and I can honestly say this is just the worst.
I constantly feel like I'm dying. I'm always aware of my heart beating. Especially after I had an episode of tachycardia (seriously freaked me out). I just can't stop thinking about my heart. And once I do, I start thinking about everything else. When I descend into a real episode of health anxiety, everything freaks me out. I'm afraid of the large freckles I have because they could be cancer. I'm afraid I have food poisoning for no reason. My heart will stop beating. My pupils aren't the same size. I have jaundice. But none of these things are ever true. (having my heart evaluated just to be safe).
It's starting to become torturous because it won't go away. Every single day I usually freak out for at least a little bit and think I'm dying. I always have this feeling like I have some serious health problem and if I don't find out what it is, I will surely die. It makes me obsessive, because I feel like it could be preventable, and I am afraid of one day learning I'm going to die of a health problem that I could have fixed if I caught it earlier.
Okay, I think this is getting a bit off track. I'm just kind of stressed about this, hence why I'm here. When I was at the doctor for an EKG, she strongly suggested I start an SSRI. I don't want to. I really don't. I'm not comfortable having to take a drug every day, or taking something that will give me withdrawals if I stop, something that has side effects, and something that changes my brain chemistry long term. I have enough struggle convincing myself to take a tylenol for a head ache.
At the same time, I can't live like this. I went to a therapist once (one of the only ones my insurance would recover) and it was just crap. It was stupid. It didn't help at all.
What can I do? Can anyone share their stories that might relate to mine? I just need a direction. I need to do something. I'm not sure what yet, but this has only been getting worse and I need to find a way to stop it and start improving. Like I said, I REALLY want to avoid drugs if I can.
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self.Anxiety
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All i can think about is going home after work and killing myself. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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when the one person you want to care about you doesn’t I don’t know if this is the sub for this kind of post but I’m going to write it here anyways.
A few days ago I tweeted about wanting to end my life. I was having a horrible day and someone I loved committed suicide a few days before. All of my mutuals tweeted and messaged me if I’m alright but my only friend who also has a twitter said nothing.
It’s been four days and she has only said I love you once. No “are you okay” or even a “merry Xmas”. but all of my other mutuals who I barely talk to are still checking up on me and trying to make sure I’m okay.
She’s my only friend and I feel she should be more concerned. I mean if I saw that she was contemplating suicide I’d not only reach out to her but family and other friends too. Am I being selfish and too sensitive?
I honestly don’t think she cares about me anyone because whenever I’m upset she’ll say I can talk to her but then doesn’t respond to me but posts things on twitter/Snapchat. I always care for her and asks if she’s alright and I just feel like I deserve that care too ? Am I wrong for being upset about it ?
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self.SuicideWatch
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