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Here I am again My posts are a good way to track when these crippling lows happen and how often. I posted a month ago, then had four weeks of feeling great or feeling nothing. Now it's come crashing down again. I'm so tired of it. I'm exhausted. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to reach out to friends and family but I'm ashamed. I don't want to seem weak or like I'm not trying because I am. I try every fucking day. I try to seem happy and normal. I'm so sick of it.
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self.depression
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Would someone commit suicide if they’ve planned for the future? I’m asking because of my best friend. I suspect that he’s suicidal, he’s been joking about suicide, he’s losing modivation to do school (he loves school), he’s swearing a lot (he believed swearing was wrong just a few months ago), and he’s dreading church (he loved church). He’s just not himself, and looking into his eyes he looks tortured. He even said that his mom would be mad if he killed himself. I wanted to say that I’d be devastated but I was too shocked to say anything. I’m getting really worried because he hasn’t been on Snapchat or Facebook in days. I texted him and he hasn’t replied, and not being on his phone at all is very unlike him. He plans to go college next year because he wants to be a veterinarian, and he’s been working very hard to keep up his perfect 4.0 gpa. I’m planning on calling him tomorrow to see if he’s alright, since it’s 2 in the morning. I just wish I called him tonight like I planned, I’m so scared I can’t sleep. I’m especially worried because his parents are emotionally abusive. He is Christian so maybe it’s against his religion to commit suicide, but idk if that would be enough to stop him. I don’t know if I’m just getting really worked up over nothing or if something really is wrong. I just have a gut feeling that he’s not alright.
UPDATE: he’s alright. I couldn’t call him because he wasn’t answering. I asked his other best friend and said “he’s been phone free this weekend”, so I worried about his absence for no reason haha. Thankfully, and to my relief, he’s still alive. I’m going to ask his asap if he’s alright. Thank you everyone for you answers <3 I’ll let you guys know if anything new comes up.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Do I take my medication again? I was prescribed mirtazapine before bedtime for depression/anxiety/sleep and it's been ~6 hours since I had it and I haven't slept and I am starting to feel like I don't give a fuck anymore about the consequences of staying up which is really bad because I feel like I should have been able to sleep over 12 hours ago when I was in school I felt like falling asleep right then and there and I haven't slept yet. I need something to calm my mind down but I am concerned with making the wrong choice of not taking my medication correctly.
I was also prescribed buspirone to take 2 times daily. Can I call someone right now, what do I do????
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self.Anxiety
|
(17F) I am going to kill myself tomorrow I have nothing to live for anymore. I lost my friends, it hurts to be around my family, and I may not graduate high school. I got nothing. I am so fucking alone. I'm not even scared yet. Maybe tomorrow but right now I am calm. I think this is it. I got no hope. I don't care about anything. I don't know. I just know I don't want to live anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Every morning, I wake up in a terrible mood. I always think about how much better my life could be if I just didn’t get in the way of myself. I always think about all the things I could have or could do if I wasn’t just so pathetic and weak. I always remind myself that I am the one who is at fault for all of my own problems.
I know that I am less than everyone else. I know I’ll live a wasted life, alone and depressed. Hopefully, I die young.
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self.depression
|
Seroquel to Lamotrigine & Trazodone, anything i need to expect from the transition? Hello guys,
I just went to a new psychiatrist yesterday, i’ve been in seroquel 50mg since 2013. My new doctor just change my medication to Lamotrigine 25mg (first 7 days then 50mg after) and trazodone 50mg for sleep.
What are you experience with this two medication? I hated seroquel because of no motivation and weight gain (i hated the weight gain).
Thank you very much, i’m pretty happy to change my meds also kinda of scared.
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self.bipolar
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Sometimes I think I actually have a chance of beating bulimia... [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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when you realize you are not a good person today, I rescued a kitten. he was stuck, some how we managed to got him out but his 2 back legs were paralyzed. I took him to the vet, the kitten needed an x-ray to see what really happened, but it seemed like he didn't hurt, just couldn't walk properly. I had him injected for painkiller and antibiotic. My excuse is I couldn't keep him in the house, my mom is allergic and my grandma cannot sleep with the kitten keeps crying. we don't have animal rescue in our country, and I have asked around on social media and friends but no responses. I ended up put him in a valley hoping for the best. For him.
And yes, I am not a good person.
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self.offmychest
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Im depressed and lazy. My life sucks. Im my own worst enemy [deleted]
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self.depression
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Legacy of an utter failure. I have enough with all these failures and not amounting to anything in my entire life. I will end it all after a week from now on, I've chosen a spot and is committed to it. This way, I will at least be a footnote on a newspaper print and raise awareness this way.
My parents divorced each other when I was at an early age, I've lived with my mother however, we continuously moved around the world so I never had anytime to develop any social skills. In addition to this, she has remarried numerous time with different men, all however end up in divorces due to fighting between them, thus leading to us moving and me having no friends at all in my entire life.
I have wasted so much time doing absolutely nothing due to this mental illness, I highly suspect that I have schizophrenia at an early age and it is only getting worst as i grow older. My mother refused to get me treatment and diagnosis due to her thinking that I am simply making it up and mental illness does not exist. Thus, she constantly berates me and call me stupid when I mess up simple things
I've managed to enter university but I am simply unable to keep up with the pressure and due to mental illness. It has been already spring but I have not managed to obtain an internship with any company whatsoever, I have applied at over 50 places but not a single one called back, I dropped my standard to the lowest point but nothing has changed. Working a minimum wage job will mean my mother will begin to belittle me again.
I have tried everything, from steeling my mind and trying to become a stoic, not giving a damn about people opinion, understanding the scale of things and how I should live only for myself or help others. However, these all failed due to the constant bickering of my subconscious and I always fail, even at realizing myself.
This is the end for me, there is no turning back from this. I am a kissless, hugless, hand holdingless, eye contactless, virgin who is in his early 20s with a goddamn 4 inch dick. People look at me in disgust and stay away from me as if I am going to shoot up the school. The closest time I've experienced friendship was due to my middle school giving an outreach to other student to prevent mass shooting. How sad is that?
I have tried taking conversational classes, meditation, self help and finding a hobby (writing). I have no friends in real life, heck, or even acquaintances. Most of my online friends have ghosted me, I cant no longer enjoy video games anymore or my hobby.
My mother is currently struggling with her job and my tuition fees. The only other option for me is to leave my family behind forever but I am most likely going to die homeless painfully or be locked up in jail due to potentially harming others or getting into crime.
Suicide right now seem to be the safest option and least painful for everyone involved. I do not drink, smoke cigarettes or do drugs, I rather have this little strength that I still have before I end it all. I must end this monster that lies deep in me before it can consume anything, at all. Thank you for reading.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I had a really sinking feeling today... I was discussing with one of my classmates our futures and stuff and I just openly said how I felt, saying that I was scared of the teachers judgements of me, of embarrassing myself and too scared to think of aiming for ambitious goals. I always have dreams of going into certain careers and stuff, but I feel like I shouldn't do it, that others would say I'm being too 'ambitious' or of the such. I'm just terrified of making the wrong move, even though I know there isn't one, I just don't have a voice deep down which says 'hey you need to work(study) to become this!' All my friends have an idea of what they are doing after school and its getting closer and closer for me to make a move, but i am scared of the reactions. I was just left with a sinking feeling after the conversation, feelings of stress an sinking ness or purposelessness and failure?
I know its all in my head and I know no of this means anything and I am trying to find my way, but I am too afraid to pick.
I only have a short time before I leave school and this on top of revision studying is just making my life hell. I am only 17/18 for a short period of time. Time feels like its closing in and honestly, I don't know what I want out of my life! I just want to enjoy, be happy and never worry about silly things like this.
I guess I suck at being a automated robot of society.
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self.depression
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I am the guy who is liked by everyone, but forgotten the moment he is out of sight. Does this even classify as existence? I think about suicide sometimes and realize that I have nothing to end.
I am a freshman in university, have fairly good marks, decent relationships with classmates. We often hang out after classes, I joke a lot, initiate conversations and such. But you know what I noticed, I NEVER get invited or even talked to if I don’t initiate it. Never, if I come to uni and don’t start talking to people no one will start talking to me ( I have checked ), I never get invited anywhere, I always have to squeeze myself into any group.
I feel completely disconnected from everyone of my age.
Just yesterday there was a student comedy show, every faculty presented a small show packed with jokes, the audience with full of students laughing, I never even fucking smiled once, the jokes were fucking awful, the sex appeal was pathetic, this self-righteous degenerative culture of youth sickens me to the core. When it was over, I felt probably the loneliest I have ever felt in my life, people were forming groups, laughing, making plans, having a jolly good time, I just stood there , crushed by my own inadequacy.
Why am I like this? Why can’t I just have fun? They have fun, so what if it’s “shallow”? Maybe it’s me who is shallow here. Maybe I am the degenerate here. Maybe I am so up my own ass that I can’t tell a joke from a history lecture.
Fuck me. No one likes me because there nothing to like, I am just full of shit. I am the antithesis of “fun”.
I don’t know why I share this with you, just need to get this out of my system, in real life there’s no one I can tell this, so might as well share my bullshit with people I will never meet.
Edit: I feel so tired of trying to socialize, whatever I do, it’s not enough. What am I doing wrong?
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self.depression
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I feel too different from everyone. I'm all alone. Suicide seems like the only option. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I think i’ve developed anxiety but I don’t know for sure. I just know I need help. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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problems just keep pilling on top of eachother At a faster rate than I can solve them
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self.depression
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I’m 18, still in high school and my family treats me horrible [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Would killing yourself on new year’s be considered too cliche? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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What is the easiest way to commit suicide? Im 30 and have nobody, didn't achieve anything that is worth living for. I feel empty and sad plus bored of my life.
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self.depression
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okay be honest Am I the only on that beats the fuck outta my cock when they are sad
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self.SuicideWatch
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Apologizing for feeling down Had a bad day on Friday. Was super crabby and sad and didn't have a reason why. Maybe it was just a way that the anxiety and depression were showing themselves that day. One person reached out and checked in, asked if I was ok. I'm fine. Later got a text from that person saying that I hurt her feelings. So here I am apologizing for being sad and depressed. Just learned that another person in my life can't handle the dark side of me. Only wants to see the smiling and laughing me. Another person that I have to hide from.
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self.depression
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Every time something great happens, something worse happens right after. Little bit of a back story:
My girlfriend and I moved from our shitty hometown to a new town, where I'm currently at college and she's in beauty school. At first, everything was going great, I got my dorms/classes together, and she got a full-time job and a new apartment with almost all utilities paid.
About a month ago is when shit started to hit the fan. Our old, shitty car (which we've poured a couple thousand into) broke down on the highway, and my girlfriend and her friends were stuck in said shitty hometown for a weekend. They eventually managed to make it back to the town we're currently in, and my girlfriend was forced to sleep for 5 hours a night for wrrks just to catch the morning bus for work.
We still have our utilities and rent paid at this point, so we're not so worried. A new car is essential, so I get a credit card and get a $1000 cash advancement to buy a new car. We manage to find one that was better than our previous car, so we're pretty happy. At this point, I'm about $1300 in debt, both from this credit card advancement and another small loan I took out to pay for books.
Then yesterday happens. At this point, I've lost my wallet, so my ID, Student ID, debit cards and credit cards, and my room key were all lost. My phone keeps freezing and refusing to charge randomly. My girlfriend was forced to quit her job due to blatant harassment from management/other staff, and my $300 loan is almost overdue.
Our new car breaks down, and a tow truck is called to pick up the damage. My girlfriend is coerced into paying $20 to get her things out of the car, and the police show up. The police detain my girlfriend and her friend in the back of the car, and search through the car, apparently finding specks of marijuana. They eventually let both of them go.
After trying to negotiate a blowjob from my girlfriend's friend, the tow truck driver eventually leaves as well, where both of them are picked up by a friend.
At this point: my girlfriend is currently jobless (with a new job on the way), carless, moneyless until next week, foodless, rent is already overdue, utilities are already overdue, and one of my loans are overdue next week. I do have a student loan coming in soon, but only for $1250. On top of that, I'm also failing a class due to not being able to afford a lot of the overpriced materials needed for the class. I really do not know what to do, and how my life could get any worse after this.
Every time something good happens, something worse happens. Rinse and repeat until we're eventually in a worse position than when we started.
Tl;Dr I'm in an extremely shitty financial situation, $1300 in debt for a car that broke down, and have no real way of making anymore money for our overdue rent, utility, and loan payments.
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self.offmychest
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Videogames and anxiety Hi guys, so recently I’m anxiety had worsened and I’m struggling to find a release, usually when this is the case I turn to video games and lose myself in these worlds. My usual release has now turn into a stressor for my anxiety and I’m struggling to play without anxiety thoughts, this mostly occurs in open world games (witcher 3 atm) and I’m just overwhelmed with the amount of things you can do in this game (same issues with Assassins creed: origins), welcoming any advise that can help me tackle this issues so I can go back to using this as a release like normal, and not something that’s adding to my anxiety. Any advise on ways you guys deal with anxiety in these situations would be helpful too, thanks.
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self.Anxiety
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Christmas has lost the joy When I was a kid Christmas was my favourite holiday. I'd be real excited starting from right after Halloween up until the big day itself. I'm now 20 and idk if it's depression or if it's just cause I'm getting older but the whole day feels hollow. The gifts are nice and it's nice to be thought of but it feels empty. As does the movies, festive snacks and anything else quintessentially Christmas. I'm sitting here in bed at 7AM Christmas morning, the gifts are opened and everyone is settled yet I still feel empty. I just want Christmas to be like how it used to be, but really I think I just miss being a kid altogether.
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self.depression
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I started cutting again and I know it's going to escalate [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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A rant The one thing I learned about a suicide attempt is that people don’t really care if you attempted suicide. I wish I learned how life is precious. How life is worth living. But I didn’t. I learned that people will still treat you in the same shitty way which made you suicidal in the first place. They’ll ask how the experience was. They’ll ask why. They’ll ask how the food was. But they never ask how they could help. I attempted suicide for many things. One of those reasons was feeling guilty that I outed my rapist. Another was the realization of being raped. Another was the backlash I received when I said I was sexually assaulted. People often ask “why did you stay with him even after he assaulted you?” That is also one of the reasons. I don’t know. I don’t know why I stayed. That’s one of the reasons why I became suicidal. Because I hated myself for staying. I hated myself for allowing him continue. I hate myself for not fighting back. I hate myself for not speaking sooner. I hate myself for not being sure. I hate myself. Those were the reasons. People still ask. They still remind me of my stupid decisions. I just don’t know. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I stayed. I don’t know why I didn’t fight back. I don’t know why I kept going back and forth between “I care about him and I don’t want to ruin his life” and “he raped me and deserves to be punished.” I don’t know why I didn’t tell the police sooner or anyone in that case. I don’t know why. I don’t know. And that is why I hate myself. That is why I attempted suicide. That is why I deem my life worthless.
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self.SuicideWatch
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EFFEXOR Hello redditers, I've been prescribed to Effexor 75 mg for4.5 months now. I can feel that it almost got rid of my anxiety, however, I get really psychopat thoughts when I get angry to someting, I am not easily irritated, but beyond a point I go psycho. I want to taper off from this drug since my problems that caused me to start using this has been dissipated. I am a daily marijuana user, I occasionaly take ritalin or modafinil for my ADHD. Do you guys have any suggestions on how to taper off, and on the proccess that follows the quitting proccess. I have a stock of 75 mg's and 35 mg's, I wanna start this proccess ASAP.
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone here into Carl Jung or Joseph Campbell? If yes I'd be interested in hearing anything you found relevant or helpful from the two writers in relation to bipolar.
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self.bipolar
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depressed gamer I have xbox one, switch and recently got ps4, now I am rebuying all the games on ps4. I feel like shit, all I play is cod, I waste shitload of money every month and barely have any left for anything else. It has become much like gambling addiction. I just buy buy buy and then regret not having enough time to play anything. rip, next week I am getting xans, gonna pop some, listen to lil peep and make some music. "Money don't help with the pain, show me where the drugs at..."
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self.depression
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State One-Act!! I am in our's schools One Act, and we just went to and won region! it was a huge deal for me, and getting over my social anxiety. One part of this was because two of my closest friends were in it as well. We will be traveling ways to be able to go to state, but it will be worth it! I would like to wish everyone good luck with whatever they are doing and to wish us luck as well! thank you!
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self.Anxiety
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As a spouse of someone with anxiety, what can I do to help? So my SO suffers from anxiety and we have been having marital issues for some time because of it. I have tried to do some research into what anxiety feels like and what I can do to help but it is all stuff I have seen before. I am coming from an outsider’s perspective as I don’t have overwhelming anxiety and I don’t understand how it really makes my SO feel (they have explained it to me but I don’t have those same feelings so I just don’t understand). Are there support groups for anxiety sufferers or their SO’s that meet up to better understand anxiety and what they can do to help? Or what is some advice that you guys have that has helped you cope with anxiety?
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self.Anxiety
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It really bothers me when people are so close-minded! Everything that isn't aligned with their way of thinking is wrong, and everything they do is right. And everything they do wrong is a mistake. But god forbid someone else do anything you don't agree with, then they are PURE EVIL! cut them off from your life and good riddance, am I right?!?
For a "progressive" culture like America's, so many people I meet (irl AND on the web) are so close-minded. It bothers me. It's been bothering me for years now. What else can we do as a people but use our own life experiences as a guideline to live the best lives we can live, and provide the best for those we care about? If a person or culture comes to a different conclusion about life than you did, that does not mean they are necessarily wrong and that you should judge them! They come from a different circumstance as you did. You don't know their life story! How dare you be so quick to judge them, before you even attempt to really know them!
Life is too short for perfection. We all make mistakes. And sometimes they aren't even mistakes. Life goes on. Cultures evolve. The world isn't just about you and your way of life. Open your mind, and really see what we've achieved as a human race.
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self.offmychest
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My mom always tells me that i am a disappointment and useless I am a 20 year old female living in india. My mom from my chidhood always compares me with my friends and relatives and always says how ugly i look. I have low self esteem and low confidence from my childhood and no matter how many times i build my confidence and self esteem, she always break me down and pushes me to depression again. I am always trying to be optimistic but most of the time it's not working. I have no fear of public speaking before but i feel too insecure now a days and i am scared to even go out of my house. I have a habit of comparing myself to others i don't know how to stop it.
I am a very average student in education.when i finished my higher education(i was so naive and stupid), i wanted to take nutrition and dietitics course but she blacked mailed me and made me choose biotechnology and now i can't even shift my career. It really makes me feel low. Recently i failed in my entrance for post graduation(believe me she always don't let me study in home, she always disturbs me and makes sure i am not studying) and made some mistakes in joining another college, so i took a year break. I got hypothyroidism(i got it because of my excessive stress and depression) (i always study while she is sleeping at night) which made me gain some weight and she calls me fat now and seborrhic dermatitis because of this my hair looks bad and she mocks me for that too. But when i confront her saying this, she tells me she loves me(does she really love me?). I don't have any friends too and i have serious trust issues because of my childhood sexual abuse by a person i called brother near my house. I overcame depression caused by that by alone but now a days it's so hard and i feel too impure and ugly.
She considers me as burden and asks me get married and go away(arrange marraige) but i don't want to marry. I even tried to commit suicide at one point but something made me stop, then i realized i am a coward in dying too.
My father is good to me but i don't think he is good to my mother in their days of early marraige but now he is fine , the only reason i live is him but i can't share these things with him, i am scared he will end up hating me. I am sure i won't share these with my dad because my moom is rude to my dad too and i know their marraige is a failure. Both of them don't like each other, but for the sake of society they are staying together.
I just don't know how to end my life, it's hell everyday. Moving out is not possible in my country. Did anyone experienced situation like mine and fortunately overcome it? Please help me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Bipolar and Mr. Robot Does anyone here watch Mr. Robot? And does anyone here relate? Often times my Bipolar feels exactly like the relationship between Elliot and Mr. Robot, but more so the scenes where one is in control while the other watches helplessly. It's the best physical representation I've seen of how the ups and downs can be personified.
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self.bipolar
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Words of encouragement Hey guys,
Listen, I have been thinking of killing myself for a while now (in fact I think about doing it everyday). I was hoping that I may get some encouragement to keep going
so I could push myself the rest of the way. I've been dealing with severe and recurrent mdd for a while now. All I ask is for a few encouraging words.
Thank you in advance.
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self.SuicideWatch
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i know it is in my head so y cant i stop crying about it i have been dating this wonderful girl. her and i have a lot of the same issues too so it is like finding the one person who understand. the biggest difference. i have abandonment issues. she doesn't.
she knows about said issues but i think this is the first time they r really effecting out relationship. and that to me in a compliment.
how ever this weekend she started not telling me things. not super big things but things that effect her life. then yesterday she went to a friends house to think about some issues she has been having. when she came back home we had to go to work. when we got to work she couldn't hold one conversation with me all night but she could with all the other co workers. when i approached her about it she said she hasn't heard me talk to her all night. i had more to say to that conversation but she did hear me.
then after work she wants me to pick up one of our friends. she had invited him. and then when we got home with him her headphones went in and that was it. she didn't even notice when he said goodbye. at this point i went to go lay on the bed and all her stuff was on my side and she was laying on the other and my pillow was on the ground. i asked her a few times if she could move her stuff and she ignored me so i text her because that's all she seems to be interested lately. finally i gave up and went and slept on the couch and woke to find out she went to a friends house. we had hardly a convo when i woke up and she hasn't been online since.
i just need someone to tell me I'm crazy and there r so many other things it could be
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self.Anxiety
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Short rambling about cuts. I made more cuts onto my leg today. In higher quantities but smaller than before so should heal more quickly.
No one will ever see them. They exist just for me.
On a random note there's a rodent inside my ceiling right above my head.
Goodnight.
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self.depression
|
I honestly just want to die. Now, I know the title is a pretty common one, but hear me out.
I know I'm not alone, I have a lovely SO who loves and cares about me, and I can name at least 3 friends who I can name off of the top of my head who would be devastated if I were gone.
I shouldn't think my existence is totally meaningless, right?
Well, that's where this all over the place block of text that was formatted on mobile comes from, because I most likely am worthless. Anywho, back on topic, I only really exist for my SO and those friends I mentioned earlier, and even then I feel like they all just pity me. Like they all stick around because they fully know how useless I am, and they don't want a suicide on their hands.
I mean, I've had people do it to me before, and who's going to stop it from happening again. Every time my mind goes on that thread of thoughts, I just can't help but lay there, and continue to be worthless for the rest of the day, not even showing up to class. I just can't really find a reason to get up other than to take my dog out, feed him and the cat, and go tidy up her litter tray.
Now l know, it seems small, and I shouldn't worry about it, but when your entire family besides your grandpa pretty much constantly states how worthless you are and how you're never going to amount to anything, be alone, and just an in general disappointment, it's pretty big, because you don't want to lose that kindness that you had never really had gotten before, people to open up to and be able to actually enjoy spending time with and don't treat you like garbage for being a schizoaffective.
I know one of the most common comments are going to be, "Just move out and move in with your SO, problem solved!" Here's the thing, I live with my aunt since my mother pretty much dropped me on her when I was a teenager, and since I work with her (Kinda have to do that to pay rent) I can't move otherwise I'll have no job and just be a burden on them, since no one really wants to hire someone with mood disorders out the ass. So I guess I'm just stuck with endless yelling, occasional hitting and being locked outside in the backyard once in a while.
I know my life isn't that bad, I truly understand that, but it seems like my way of stopping myself from being a burden to others and not being an endless disappointment to everyone around me.
Tl;Dr just a moody 22 year old who worries about things they shouldn't and constantly worries about being replaced.
Edit: Thanks for the help I guess...
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I wish I could go back in time and never befriend anyone but one person [deleted]
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self.depression
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I need people to talk to I feel so weird but I'm scared, scared I'm going to die. This is how I feel [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I forget how good I have it when I'm feeling empty. Some days I'll feel nothing, like a stone in a steam. Everything is moving around me but I'm just sitting there unmoved unfeeling.
But then some days I'll feel like I can't handle anything, I can't breathe, I'm worthless, why do I bother.. I'm a fucking loser I can't do anything.
Its those days I realize how much better it is to feel nothing, because I'm feeling now and I'm having to hold back tears just because of how depressed I am.
I wanna be happy and stand straight, but I don't have the energy. I can barely move. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally.
What am I supposed to do??
I'm never happy, the closest I am is feeling nothing.
Please, tell me what to do.
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self.depression
|
Told my best friend about my mental problems. She said "ok" and changed topic. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Mom died recently, felt grief at hospital, haven’t really felt grief since I think I’m hypo right now. Been doing a full body workout every night, been really loving my puppy, getting shit done, socializing with my extended family/family friends. Don’t know if it’s because I have a great support system, my meds or because I’m hypo, probably a mix of everything, but my gut tells me it’s mostly because of the hypo. I’ve also been experiencing some symptoms, increased activity (full body workout everyday) hyper-sexuality, also for me I get really focused on my appearance, short temper, really great mood, racing thoughts/fantasizing about my future (grandiosely), craving drugs and alcohol, not sleeping etc. I’m worried that the grief is going to come crashing down on me when my depression inevitably comes and I’m also worried about how insensitive I might come off to my family. Anyone else have similar experiences?
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self.bipolar
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Help me and my pride I swear I'm too proud a person to get help and make my problems anyone else's. It's normal for me to bottle shit up but I can't even talk about these things basically at all since my computer and shit gets taken away by my mom (and my garage remote so i can't use my bike and go to the library) and I have no real life friends that haven't moved away to other cities so I have to do most of these things at school or on my mom's chromebook while she's asleep. Also it sucks since the moment the slightest hint of a suicidal thought comes up I immediately reject it and think of those that don't suck away my relations and joy. Also watched inside out again today instant regret them feels man
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self.depression
|
I have been bouncing between episodes a lot lately and think I'm having a mixed one. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Writing an anxious character - looking for advice tl;dr Skip to the last to the last two paragraphs to avoid the fluff, though I feel it is necessary to explain.
I am writing some backstory for a Pathfinder (Dungeons and Dragons offshoot) character who has severe anxiety, for most of her life she was surrounded by people who fawned over her, practically worshiping the ground she walks on, she hated it, hates being touched, recoils when spoken to, just wants to be left alone. She exploded in anger one day and fled her home eventually hiding herself away in the woods to live a life of seclusion (with her pet hedgehog). Now since this is fantasy, she has angel blood in her, giving her unrivaled beauty along with the superstition of if someone touches her that maybe they will be somehow blessed, of course this is all rubbish and makes her want to run away, she is also a witch so when she ran away she disguised herself as a hideous old woman and occasionally a young man when she is out foraging.
This is getting long so I will streamline the rest to get to my questions. An adventurer finds his way to her hut and is desperately in need of food and shelter, he discerns that she is hiding her true form and eventually becomes friends with her, she is Asexual and he is Gay, he respects her need to be left alone but visits from time to time to check up on her.
Now, here are my questions, what are some non-verbal ways to communicate her ability to have guests? I was thinking of having a secret code, hidden in a spot known to him so that before he goes to her house, he can identify whether or not she is comfortable having someone in her space. Another question is, whether there is a good way of giving him a reason to check on her in the event that no message is left, I was thinking, if there is no message for 3 consecutive days, he has permission to check on her by any means necessary (within reason depending on his own judgement), but that has it's own issues where he may not visit until the 3rd day and have to wait another two meaning she could be in a dangerous situation for a full 5 days.
I really enjoy writing realistic and diverse characters (even in fantasy settings) and I want to do as much research as possible to do them justice. I personally deal with anxiety but nothing on the scale that I am trying to write and I would love some advice, be it from personal experience or otherwise.
Thanks.
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self.Anxiety
|
Anyone else think they come off as rude in social settings because you're too scared to talk, resulting in silence? Sometimes I just don't know what to say when I talk to people, so I just stay silent. I know people have told me I come off snobby or rude when I don't speak to them, but sometimes I don't know what to say to them or I'm too anxious to talk. I've had people tell me they thought I hated them initially because I wouldn't talk to them. That totally was not the case.
Does anybody else feel like this?
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self.Anxiety
|
Struggling Struggling with thoughts that something will happen to my animals while I am at work today. Some might find it a silly thing to worry about but it is the #1 thing that gives me anxiety, I feel like I will get home and my dog or cats won't be there and today is really bad
Positive thoughts my way please
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self.Anxiety
|
I have completely lost the ability to cry. I have not cried in a long, long, time. I try to let it all out, but nothing works. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
My [18M] six year spiral into a manipulative, controlling, and abusive relationship with my [19F] girlfriend. Just wanted to vent and gain support to break up with her. I already know the answer to the question. Just leave her. It's just the journey that I would like to talk about. I feel so trapped and scared and just want to get this all off my chest.
I've been dating my girlfriend for 6 years. I first asked her out all the way back in 7th grade, we are both in our freshman year of college and we are about 2.5 hours apart, she is 2.5 hours from home and I'm a commuters distance from home but chose to stay on campus.
Back in 7th grade, when our relationship started, it was like any other normal, awkward middle school relationship. It didn't have the seriousness of an adult relationship at the time, but I did not know what I was getting myself into. I guess I'll do a year by year break down of how it got to this.
7th grade:
Everything was fine. We talked all the time, we were happy, I was able to do just about whatever I wanted, she did whatever she wanted, life was good, life was fine.
8th grade:
I remember in 8th grade, I had been talking to this one girl named Maria (name changed). Well Maria and I were flirting and she sent me pictures of her in her underwear. This was wrong on my part and partly where I think most of this comes from. I didn't realize how serious it was, she was heartbroken and I was upset, I promised to never do it again. I guess this set something off in her because she made me start alienate my best friend who was a girl. 8th grade was ok really except for the Maria incident.
9th grade:
My best friend, who was a girl named Alison (name changed) was literally as best a friend I could ask for. We were just compatible as friends and had a lot of trust in one another and shared a lot do secrets. I would go to her to talk about my relationship with my girlfriend. Well my girlfriend thought we were too close and told me pick Alison or her, and I, a teenager now going through puberty, picked the sexually rewarding girl when I should have picked my best friend girl. My girlfriend thought we were too close. I've told Alison that she was like a sister to me. I literally put her in the sister zone. I did this just while Alison and I were texting, not even to prove a point and I showed how long ago I sent the message, way before my girlfriend gave me the first (of many) ultimatums. She typed a message to her from my phone about how she was ruining our relationship and told me "hit send or we're done". It is one of the things I'll always regret. 9th grade things started turning.
10th grade:
Honestly I don't remember any real distinct things in 10th grade. Alison and I had classes together but my girlfriend was there too. I was trying so hard to be nice to Alison any time I could and days my girlfriend wasn't there, I'd make small talk with her as best I could to try to show her something was up, but as far as she knew, that message I sent really was from me. My girlfriend and I took a break for a little because she thought I was too clingy. For some reason I was so attached to her that I basically shut down for a week. The week we took a break should have been such a liberating week but all I wanted was her. After she decided our break was down, she made me ask her out again. One condition of us dating again was I had to delete Snapchat altogether because I could not be trusted. Again, manipulative.
11th grade:
We both got our licenses and it was horrible. I had to spend every day at my girlfriends house, she wouldn't come to mine because "there was nothing to do". Things really started to spiral downward. With our licenses, we began spending a lot of time together and for me it was too much. Everything just runs together so I don't remember anything specific, but it was bad.
12th grade:
The year I started hating myself
Things had become real bad.
She 'permitted' me to download Snapchat again. I cracked, I got a texting app and texted Alison everything that happened. How manipulative she was, how she controlled me, everything. Alison was stunned. It felt so relievejng finally being able to tell her everything after just making small talk to her. We texted for a few days and once I got things straightened out with her, we agreed that now we both knew what was going on, we were fine and we would quit texting. I deleted the app and haven't downloaded it since. I made a reddit post that year about our relationship, she saw it and got angry that I was telling more people about our relationship. She started doing the whole "just break up with me if I'm crazy" because a lot of redditors were saying get a new girlfriend. How did she know I posted it? Once I got a Reddit, she got one to and made me add her as a friend. She would then see if I posted anything and read it. Snapchat, I was not allowed to add any girls. Any girls that added me I couldn't add back. I've never had Instagram, Facebook, twitter, or any social media because I just never got into them. Well I told her I was thinking about creating some and she got angry about that. She planned her classes around mine. In study hall, she made me sit at a table with just her while my three best friends and my best friends girlfriend sat at a table on the other side of the cafeteria. Anytime I wanted to go sit with them, she magically didn't feel good. She said she didn't like my friends so I should like them either. She started going on my phone when I wasn't paying attention, snooping to see if I do anything. I had to spend everyday after school with her. She would get upset and angry if went to hangout with my friends and I would have to text her the whole time, it made me cry so many nights. I hated myself, I felt worthless, used, taken advantage of.
First semester of college (now):
Everything has gone over the edge. I guess the separation is getting to her. The first few weeks it was me missing her and wanting her (I know I'm in a bad relationship but she just manipulates it and for some reason I still feel obsessed with her) but now I'm fine being apart and she isn't. I have to text her everyday from the moment I wake up, until the moment are nightly, 10pm-bedtime (usually midnight) FaceTime call is. I also have to Snapchat her. Shes turned on location sharing on our iMessage and Snapchat and will check where I am. I lied to her one night about being in my dorm when I was actually at a fraternity house with about 9 other guys just hanging out getting drunk and she lost it. She now logins my Snapchat almost daily to see if I added any girls and who I'm snap chatting. (I use the same password for everything). I can't go to a party or even hangout without her getting angry and upset, calling me at 11 asking me when I'll be back. The nights I'm out with my buddies until midnight, she gets super angry we couldn't FaceTime that night. We have to do it every night or apparently I'm cheating on her. I'm a major that is girl dominant. This year, there are 55 particular freshman in my major and I'm the only guy. So obviously I'm friends with girls. She is insane with this and anytime I bring up a girl, she gets jealous, asking how I know them, what they look like, if we exchanged numbers, all kinds of stuff. There have been times where she wouldn't 'let' me go out to parties with my buddies. I've been taking naps so sometimes I don't fall asleep until 1 or 2 in the morning. She stays up because she's afraid I'm going to go somewhere to party. Every night she asks before we hang up if I'm staying in for the night. Last night crossed a new line but one that probably won't change anything because I'm stuck, I'm trapped, I'm weak.
Last night:
I've been sick with a cold. Stuffy nose, mucus in the lungs and throat, while 9 yards. Yesterday I woke up feeling pretty crappy. I should mention that she expects me to call her anytime I have free time in my dorm. So we talk for at least 2 hours in the day at various times and 2 hours at night. I think this is too much but whatever. We talk, blah blah blah, it's a normal day for me. I started going to the gym in 11th grade, partly to stay healthy, partly to get strong, and honestly partly to look good. I go to the gym at night because my Uni's gym is small and busy during the day. So I go to the gym around 9, the whole time she's texting me, asking when I'll get back. I have the same routine every night. I go to the gym, I eat at the dining hall. She kept texting me last night saying it was taking longer than normal. I know she viewed my locationon messages or Snapchat.
Well I got back around 10:20, FaceTime her (actual FaceTime) and played a game of NHL. Sometimes we have connection issues and our chat got disconnected around the same time my game ended. Around 10:45. So I decided to just turn everything off and FT audio her because she wouldn't even be able to see me anyways. I'm laying in bed on audio with her, aroun 11:20-11:30 I say I'm tired and I'm going to bed. She asks me not to and then gives in and says to just fall asleep on FaceTime with her. (She does this because this is how she makes sure I don't leave the room). Whatever. I say goodnight and I fall asleep, talking to myself about how things will get better eventually. Well around midnight I hear her keep calling my name, she wakes me up. I'm angry she woke me up. I ask her why and she asks if I wanted picked up to go home tomorrow. I was pissed because she is 2.5 hours away from me and she wouldn't even get here until 3 in the afternoon so why the fuck would she wake me up to ask me when she could just ask me tomorrow.
Then she asks the fucking question.
"Your location says you're not in your dorm room"
(Me) "you fucking woke me up, you saw on FaceTime I was play NHL, I was fucking asleep."
(Her) "I just thought it was weird you decided to quit FaceTime so early and got tired early"
(Me) "I'm fucking sick and I told you I've been tired."
(Her) "well can you send me a picture of Oscar to show me you're in your room?" (Oscar is my fish)
At this point, I audibly mouth a long, pissed off, "oh my fucking god". She doesn't reply. I send her a photo and tell her I'm going back to bed. I could tell she started crying but honestly I didn't care. I still don't. I'm so angry she had to wake me up and have me to that. I muted the FaceTime audio and basically browsed Reddit until 12:45 when I fell back asleep. I woke up earlier than normal today so I typed this out and I have a message from 4:30am of her asking me if I'm up.
I know this is a bad relationship. She controls me. She makes me talk to her every night. She made me alienate my friends. I can't add girls on Snapchat. There's a couple she made me block. She gets angry when I go out with friends. I hate myself for being in this, I hate this relationship. She's manipulative. I probably haven't even covered everything. As people comment I might even remember more stuff she's done. I love her but I don't want this relationship. I feel stuck. I feel trapped in it. 6 years we've been together and I just feel like it's too long to break apart. I know I should but I needed to get all of this off my chest. I had to do this on a throaway, because she might see this while she's checking my profile or when she secretly goes through my phone later today. (It's the weekend and we are both going home). I just had to say all of this to finally say it. It is so relieving. Thank you if you made it this far.
TL;DR
My girlfriend has grown increasingly more manipulative and controlling, to the point where she controls who I talk to and makes me do things I don't want to do. It has gotten so much worse and I feel trapped.
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self.offmychest
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Depression, anxiety and a little story Anyone experience Headache if they stay in public for too long? And how to cure it..
(I speak French sorry for the grammar)
I stress in public I don’t know why, I was not shy before sixth grade (troublemaker).. the last thing I remember is I ended my sixth grade being accused of insulting a parent ( they didn’t believe me.. they trusted the fucking bitch who just wanted to get a revenge on a school troublemaker kid (never bully anyone tho))
So, I couldn’t go out anymore for the rest of the school year and I was forced to help the janitor.. people were making fun of me but most of my friends didn’t care at all, they stayed with me so it’s cool..
After that everything went to shit, high school was a nightmare.. since I was still new in the city my friend circle was very little and they ditch me very fast.
I started to stay at home and after a while I choose my Xbox over social interaction..
For 2-3 years it was ok, I was going to school but the only thing I was interested in was gaming and chatting with my Xbox buddies.. going out was a pain, I knew I was stressed to go out but didn’t care at all because I was kinda a big shot in my house ( I literally never paid for a game because every time a game was released, there was a competition to win a copy and i always win) I even stacked some money and tried to participate the first bo2 championship but I was way too young they told me..
After that, I started pc gaming because I wanted to start a YouTube career but it didn’t last long when my friend ditch me(again) because I sucked at league of legends and I was too scared to start alone on something I’m not good..
Now here the important part, I got tired of living online and I choose to invest in school and people.. I met a girl and I thought she was into me but I got rejected because I was not fit and I was gaming all day.. I kinda understand but I got super depressed about it and I started not eating and not gaming.. I lost 70 pounds in 2 months doing absolutely NOTHING
I got a job that involved walking 1 hour to go to work and 1 hour to come back with my earphones on of course so the days would pass faster than doing nothing (bonus: getting fit)
I converted gaming to working & school..
I was way richer than other kids at school, because well, I was working 30h and they were not. People got interested in me for a while and I enjoyed it.
Sadly, I was too stressed of social interaction I never got the chance to get closer to all these people around me because I avoided them..
I lost my job after high school and while I was waiting to start college I decided to restart gaming but I didn’t enjoy it like before and I was not good like before so I said fuck that, even my Xbox buddies were different with me..
In college, still Super stressed everyday, can’t make friends but this time I met a girl and now we’re dating for 2 years now..
even now I’m still stressed about people and getting rejected
I just don’t understand, I lost my weight, I have a wonderful girlfriend, I have few friends, but real friends.. but I still stress when it come to social interaction et I prefer avoid everything in my life than actually going out.. when I’m with people for too long my head hurt like hell and I’m sure it’s because of anxiety.
I take course to know how to interact with others, I work on myself like a demon and I still can’t take off the fear of being rejected..
Advise?
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self.Anxiety
|
Whenever I say, "I wanna die" at work or with my friends, I really mean, "I wish my life wasn't shitty, and just everything in general to not be shitty"
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self.depression
|
Heading towards mania and looking for something new to occupy myself. Give me your unique ideas to try and help!
|
self.bipolar
|
I am going to quit my first job. Near the end of August, I got my first job at a movie theater. It's a good teen job but I am tired of wasting every single weekend for money I don't even use. Since working there, I have almost a thousand saved up for gas money (my only expense.) I'm putting my two weeks in at the start of December. I feel like a spoiled brat for quitting somewhere with people that are really nice to me but I just don't want to do this anymore, at least not during the school year.
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self.offmychest
|
Weight gain on Vraylar? Hey yall,
Was just wondering if anyone has noticed a weight gain while on Vraylar? I'm currently taking 450mg Welbutrin, and 1.5mg Vraylar. Outside of growing a year older (33 now) , nothing has really changed in my lifestyle/eating habits. If anything, I'm at the gym MORE now than I was but have put on something like 25-30 lbs this year since I started Vraylar last November/December-ish. Was just wondering if anyone had the same issue?
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self.bipolar
|
Dev/Online Preparations? I've decided to die within the next week or so here.. but one of my loose ends is.. what to do with my passwords/keystores? I'm a software developer, and I would be taking these secrets to my grave unless I told someone.. What have other software devs done in the past? One of my apps has tens of thousands of daily users.. I guess I could throw everything up on a repo, and just make it public at some point before I die?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Help I'm not suicidal or homicidal so the hotlines don't apply I don't think. I could really use someone to talk to though.
My wife is out of town and said she is leaving me. I relocated here for her career and have zero friends.
I'm so lost.
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self.depression
|
I don't know what to do I've always thought of myself as a happy and healthy individual. I look back on my 18 years of life and think its been pretty good. Latetly though I feel like I cant form a single positive thought and I never have so called "good" days anymore. I feel like nobody cares about me or that nobody wants to do anything with me. I'm not trying to sound cocky or anything sorry if this comes off that way but I know that Im generally a likeable person. I love people and love talking to them. I get along well with people. Still I feel like I have nobody. These are all very new feelings to me. I just moved, started college, and broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years and since all that happened I feel like ive been lost. I have a very overwheliming feeling that my life is going down the drain. I feel like im getting sucked into a hole that keeps getting deeper.
What should I do? These feelings are very new and I have never had to deal with them. If you have read this far, thanks.
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self.depression
|
Abuse. And my mom who allowed it. (X-post from offmychest) [deleted]
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self.depression
|
How can I help a friend out? Hi, so my friend that has have tried to end their life and they mean a lot to me so i want to try to help them out with their situation, so what is some good tips or anything that helped/helping for anyone with suicidal thoughts? or What helped you that someone did for you when you were going through this time?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
So where to begin.. Hopefully this can make sense to those who read it. I truly believe now that i had a great chance growing up despite the fact of my early childhood. I actually had a good chance. WARNING- Reader beware! Some cringey stuff in here..
TL:DR - Confusing*
I was abused as a child, i was great at keeping secrets, I developed a bad self harm towards my genitals. I hated myself by around 10 years of age, I felt others hated me. Could never tell, especially as time went on. Even though i have finally stopped, though not close to soon enough i'm having issues, i knew it was bad, but it started so harmless, but got worse as time went on. (shocker right?!).. i only told one person ever about it, and they did nothing much in response except explained their "fetish" as i was trying to ask pretty much for help. I cannot afford a urologist, though im in the process of getting that handled..i doubt theres much that can be done, though i will still try. I'm having a basic doctor appointment to check testosterone and maybe a few other things, idk what im going to tell that doctor, jeez. . I feel i know what the results will show, Ill probably never be able to give my father a grandchild, he didnt deserve to have a terrible son like me, i feel destroyed. never fully fall in love with a woman, nor feel her warm embrace, due to the extensive damage i have done... all as a very damaged child making very poor choices... I have grown, im a super nice and smart person, i outgrew my old self but the damage remains.. I don't know if i should even tell my father, I don't want to destroy his thoughts of me, especially now, i wanted to tell him as a child but as time went on I felt it was weirder and weirder and thought i could handle it myself.. I don't want to keep on living in this hell i've created for myself. No child should have had this happen. Its horrible. I woke up crying today with thoughts of suicide, usually it only happens when i try to go to sleep. The worst part is i have only myself to blame. That's the hardest pill to swallow. Since i'm so bad at choices, is this one the right or wrong one. I usually get it wrong.
A not so short history of my short life. Some of my earliest memories was seeing my brother getting thrown into a wall, and myself being beat. I remember being around 4-5 years old and we had a family friend who had a daughter who when left alone showed us things her father made her do to her. We were unaware of that specific fact at the time. A little while later, our mother was arrested for trying to stab my step father. I remember being in the police car thinking this was the worst day in my life. Shortly after me and my brother were separated. For the next decade and a half i truly thought the worst was behind me. Around the age of 7 i was put into a new home (relative of the family).
This new home as i look back on it, was a great place.. At the time i felt it was the worst place. I even got bi weekly psychiatrists appointment. I felt shame when people found out i had these. I felt an outcast. I had many signs of self harm. from loneliness to no confidence, etc, but the pych nor parents never second guess with no cuts. Even though i stayed inside all the time partly because i couldnt ever go anywhere. In my new home, i had step siblings. A few were nice, but some were mean growing up. I felt like the black sheep. (the mother gave me my own fridge, that i was only allowed to eat out of. Not the main fridge. I was an outcast here as well.).
When growing up i have odd memories of dealings with "penis's". One of my early memories as a child was my mother telling me that she kept me safe and perfect, as in reference to my genitalia and not being circumcised. For some reason this idea gravitated in my head. After her getting taken from the cops, and her coming into contact with me (not legally, court orders) and after her telling me that she would come for me and my brothers. That obviously never happened. I started to feel resentful towards women and untrusting.. during this time I also started to feel shameful as a child when i had an erection, I felt wrong. Growing up I later found out a parent of mine had a pedophilia charge when they were younger. This did not help my mindset, i stopped talking to girls my age thinking i could possibly turn into a pedofile, luckily im not, but i missed out on many chances due to this unfounded fear. I felt my natural body was bad and wrong. I felt fully like a broken child. Later through the years i asked my foster parents that i wanted to be circumcised (in spite of my mother..), because i thought all the boys were this way. They actually did it. The first part of the biggest regret of my life. The circumcision was not great, they barely left any foreskin. After seeing my mutilated circumcised penis, i became intrigued. i started learning about piercings down there and gave myself one at a young age, using a rubber band to give me less pain sensation when doing it. I guess i was too good at hiding my self harm..
Anyways at this point i found women attractive, but didn't trust them (I lived a virgin life till 18-19), i had no confidence, i guess im good looking as well, I hated myself because of how i thought others felt of me and how some treated me. For some reason in every aspect of life i torture myself (i made my relationships fail, friendships, then i got really depressed, i make so many wrong choices.). It just seems to be how the cards have folded. I believed for some time it could have been my fault, or I had to find my separated brothers and family. This passed. While growing up i wasn't allowed outside much, always got told "no" at everything i asked for, even hanging out at friends. I got allowed an hour of internet a week, whoo hoo. At some point near early middle school, i ended up finding a hair band, and well idk why but as a boy i stuck it on my penis. For some reason i really enjoyed the feeling. I felt even more oddity through this, but for some reason i liked this. So throughout the years i started to use elastic bands, i did unspeakable things to my genital area. Penis, and scrotum. It was addictive, I was young and dumb, but for some reason i could not physically stop doing it. Any time i got really into the mood that urge would come up, and Hundreds of times i thought about telling someone, but i felt ashamed, i thought i could stop, and as time went on the less it felt plausible to tell anyone for how weird it had become.. also it didn't help that my psychiatrist had broken my trust previously and I remember my foster parents getting upset at what I had said or something to that effect. Thus making me never really open up to him again.
Anyways as the years went on, not much thought really went into anymore. It became just the usual, after I orgasmed I really asked myself "why the fuck i keep doing this?", Knowing that bad things could/would happen. Except anytime i was really in the mood i just had too.. Many times I literally cried afterwards asking myself, "Why do i do this to myself?!", I didn't realise at the time it was because i was self harming, and not just because i was in the mood. For awhile i thought i just liked the thought of a woman dominating over me. I did manage to cut back that process and not going so extreme, but as life worked its way around, I relapsed many times. especially at 20 ish, and 25. Throughout those years i experimented even harder, I had tried a needle one time, urethral insertions, penis pumps, bands, Ive been to every demented place on the web. Its disgusting. I would only get in that mindset in the mood, but when i wasn't in the mood i would find it completely revolting. A complete 180 mindset.. This did not help with my self loathing..
Now im 28, Im not really sure when the last time i relapsed but the concept of what i have been doing to myself and the damage i HAVE CAUSED just keeps floating around in my head. Day and Night. Every hour upon the hour. Why now? i don't know for sure, but i havn't gotten that urge in awhile and it truly scares me.. I feel it was directly related to my testosterone levels, I am never in that mood anymore, i do have some difficulties down there now, from numbness/coldness in some areas. especially in the winter and the tip of the penis and balls, so a mixture of my constant agony and i cant stop thinking how much i fucking hate myself, and how no child should ever have had to feel and do what I did to myself...
Im currently in college, but i have no motivation, no urges, no will to live. I constantly think negative thoughts, i tell myself every hour i fucking hate my choices and myself. I think back to when i had thoughts of suicide as a child and really wish i would have done it then.. I have limited feeling in not only my penis, but also my testicles. I can kinda feel squeezing on the testicles, and i can feel semi light taps. The penis has limited temperature feeling, lately the tip of the penis has been feeling cold. a temp gun puts it at 87-90f degrees while the shaft is 95f. I use to actually think the circumcision was the worst of my problems the older i got, totally glazing over the fact of the many years of damage i've inflicted and still would inflict in the coming years. Due to it being a coping mechanism i imagine.
Thanks for getting to the bottom, Now im almost 30, I have barely lived a life worth living, even though i had every decent opportunity once i got out of an abusive home. I have the genital sensitivity of an 80 year old i could only imagine. I need constant stimulation to keep it up for the most part, though its not really pleasing. I dont want to kill myself yet, as my grandmother is still alive and i care dear for her, My father is pretty awesome, but i dont think i can hold out till he's gone. I never wanted to kill myself, but the psychological pain is becoming to much. I constantly every hour have these thoughts run though my head, as "Why did i do this?", "why didn't i tell anyone?"," why did i do this for so long?" etc etc. I'm tired of answering them over an over again, i do not see the point of continuing school, This is a rare disorder from what i've found. I might have skoptic syndrome. Either way i'm fucked up mentally and now physically. I probably cant give my father the grandson he deserves, i will/can never fully fall in love with a woman, nor feel her properly from the inside. I literally don't know what else i can do. Suicide is really seemingly like the best option, as this isn't just a temporary problem. I do have a doctors appointment in two weeks, to get blood work and hopefully check my testosterone levels. From there idk what i will do. I cannot really afford a urologist, I have no interest in hurting myself ever again, ive had a come to jesus with myself. I'm getting some sensation back, but the poor circulation, and possibility of being sterile, has me thinking fuck it, i wanna die. I don't know if i should even tell my father, I don't want to destroy his thoughts of me, I don't want to keep on living in this hell i've created for myself.. Its horrible. I woke up crying today with thoughts of suicide, usually it only happens when i try to go to sleep. The worst part is i have only myself to blame. Thats the hardest pill to swallow.
Anyways thanks again.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Shifting in/Out of Anxiety? So I've been in what I BELIVE to be a disassociation period for the past six months (no loss of time, just a feeling of disconnection, lack of emotional depth, feeling of weirdness with this world, and lack of connection really). But sometimes, I'll start to just think and act like everything is normal and I'll sort of feel okay but most of my brain starts to think SOMETHING IS WRONG SOMETHING IS WRONG LOOK FOR THE PROBLEM SOMETHING IS WRONG YOU ARE BEING DECEIVED YOU ARE MISSING SOMETHING YOU ARENT FOCUSING YOU ARE MISSING SOMETHING, when I'm just going about daily life trying to enjoy it. Doing my job (I work at Target), emphasizing interactions with folks and being genuine, trying new hobbies (cartography lately), maybe sketching, hanging with the family and setting new goals to try and cut down on fighting as much...but it just feels weird. The world we live in feels weird. It feels weird that we live at all. That any of this happens. That I'm experiencing it. And it didn't use to feel this way. Any help?
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self.Anxiety
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What works best for suicide I have been struggling with depression for years now, i am sick of it. I want to end it, how do i do it
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self.SuicideWatch
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Holiday on Lice The Holidays have been really tough on me. I live in a guest house next to my father's house. He has roommates. This is where the trouble begins. It all started when I took my father to the airport on Christmas Eve. He comes back today, thank Heavens. For the last nine days I have had to deal with a combination of six house guests. One of the roommates brought her kids to spend the holidays. Of course they all had lice, so all of the clothes and bedding had to be washed. I went to take out the trash the other day and the our trash can was already full of yard stuff that a roommate decided to throw away. So now I have a houseful of trash and no place to put it. Then there is the cousin who fell asleep in his car with the motor running. This is the same cousin who locked himself out of his house and had to spend the night with us. This morning I walked into the main house. The heat was off and the kitchen sink was full of pepper. I quietly turned the heat back on because there were three children in the house. When I asked about the pepper, I was told that is how food is prepared in the old country. They don't put pepper on the meat, the meat has to be put into the pepper. They waste much pepper that way, but the meat tastes better. That would be fine if they would buy there own pepper. It is my father's pepper being washed down the drain. Then there is the toilet situation. Our septic system was not designed for ten people. So stuff is backing up in the commodes and you have to wait an hour to flush it down. Disgusting. Then there are the children, once they were deloused they started complaining about their surroundings. One didn't like the food. Someone had put a tomato on his sandwich by accident. Two of them starting fighting over the TV. There are five TVs in my father's house. Four of them are on direct TV and one of them is on netflicks. Children hate satellite TV but love netflicks. So they fought over that one TV. Let me tell you something, when I was a kid we ate what was served and we enjoyed our Black and White 13 inch TV with the four channels we could pick up. Well the Christmas vacation is coming to an end and soon I will be able to have a vacation. From people. People are nuts. Thanks for allowing me to vent.
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self.offmychest
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Friends are something that has never existed in my life, and probably never will. I used to be a complete loner and outcast until my early twenties, now I am a bit better communicator but still nobody really likes me and wants to hang out with me, I don't really interact with anyone, only in certain situations and temporarily, but I have literally 0 friends, male or female.
Since this is the way it has been for my entire life, I have long ago accepted this and not really worried about it but I knew I was missing out on a lot, especially stuff like house parties, etc... But at this point I am pretty much over it and I would be happy enough if I ever had a girl, but that seems like an impossible task also.
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self.depression
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Dandruff and depression So I have had dandruff almost consistently since I've become really depressed. (Probably two years) Sometime it's bad sometimes not as much, and dandruff shampoo doesn't seem to help much. That may be because I'm not using it long enough but my question is if anyone knows if depression and anxiety and maybe staying at home a lot or whatever can cause this or if anyone else has experienced this?
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self.depression
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i just want my meds to work first it was prozac, then celexa, then lexapro, and it’s prozac again. none have worked properly. it’s been 3 years, i started at 14.
i’m sick of staying home and hating myself. watching netflix and going to bed to cry and watch snapchat stories. trying to do my homework but feeling overwhelmed with sadness. my grades have dropped significantly since i upped my prozac dose. it’s probably not the right drug for me. but i’m tired of trying new ones, and my parents are especially tired.
i get too shy to hang out with people, then i wonder why i have no friends. i start to hate myself for it. i want to die all the time. i’m so tired.
i wish i didn’t care. i wish i was happy.
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self.depression
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Talking to myself to remind me that I'm still sane [deleted]
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self.depression
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Went from suicidal on the seventh floor to in my room dancing to jazz within 2 hours I was feeling severely depressed all day. I had a meltdown in the middle of class and became suicidal after I saw the results of some exams and essays. I went up to the seventh floor of the tallest building on campus and called suicide hotline. I had a talk with a woman on the line that got my head screwed on straight again, and I headed back to my room. I ate a frozen TV dinner and drank some water and started listening to music. I danced for 30 minutes straight to “Moaning” by Charles Mingus with all my energy and might. I was lost in the music and could feel the fury in the beat and the swing. Ready to go to bed now and I’m ready to live tomorrow morning. Wtf.
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self.bipolar
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I'm finding motivation in life very difficult right now Yeah.. the title.
I'm just feeling so.. demotivated with life. All my time is split pretty equally between volunteering, video games, and sleep. And I avoid all of them as much as I can.
I go into work as late as possible, but I enjoy it because I can be distracted from life for its duration, then I go home and play games to distract myself from life for its duration, and then I go to bed as late as possible to avoid thinking about life and instead just pass out, where I sleep in as late as possible so the pattern repeats itself. I'm not entirely sure what to do about it, or if I'm just going through the motions, or if it'll pass (and how soon), or so forth.
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self.depression
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I've finally decided to give up at being an artist. I'm 23 years old and I currently work in retail. I'm a manager but I would rather not try to make my job sound pretty. The thing is that I feel pretty comfortable working close to minimum wage. I like retail a lot. It's something I can honestly see myself doing for a long time. These last few years have been crap. Two episodes of almost-suicide and the rest of the time was complete depression. I graduated in 2012 and immediately went to art school to study graphic design. After a year I realized it wasn't for me. I couldn't see myself making art for money. So I left. Moved back home. Moved in with my mother. Lived off of her food stamps for like two years. I jumped around a lot in terms of jobs. I tried to remain an 'artist' in that amount of time too. It's something I've been labeled since early high school.
It got to the point where I hated to make art. It's been hard to toss away my label. I wasn't an artist because I loved art. I was an artist because I wanted people to notice me. It was incredibly hard to admit that to myself. I wanted to live authentically. I wasn't about to make that mistake. So now I'm a poor loser, and I love that label. I'm living the truest self I can. Working with my hands and pulling overtime. When I get home my back hurts and I love the feeling. I'm working from the very bottom. No help from anyone. I'm not accepting handouts anymore.
I wanted to obliterate the image of me as an artist. My friends and family had to accept the real me. And, as I've said before, I had to accept the true me. I'm happier now than when I was in college. I'm now totally committed to myself. Deleted my Facebook. I'm just focusing on people that are close to me. My girlfriend is in college right now and I'm totally cheering her on. I have a lot of plans for the future and I can feel my heart filling with happiness. I can ignore the world and keep walking forward. I'm not an artist and I'm glad I got that off of my chest. I prefer to be called a wise simpleton now.
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self.offmychest
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I don't know what to do. I can't live like this [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Traveling with my mom in Europe- it is not fun She is acting like a “typical” obnoxious American, which i kind of expected, but she is very unappreciative of the different culture/food, lugged along a humongous suitcase when i specifically said that she would reget not packing light (she is now complaining every time there are stairs to maneuver... i mean, it’s Europe, not every place has escalators/elevators). In an adorable cheese/meat/wine shop in Paris yesterday, she laughed/screamed loudly when offered duck liver. super rude to the very kind shopkeeper. i’m not a huge fan of liver either, but i kept my opinions to myself and tried the food.
I’m embarrassed, annoyed, and wishing i had not told her when i booked the trip originally (was going to just go by myself).
I am trying to be more tolerant and realize she just has no situational awareness and has not spent much time in large cities, navigated metro/public transport, etc, but it is very trying and i was hoping i would be enjoying myself more.
here’s to hoping it gets better.
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self.offmychest
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Stronger and more talented people have committed suicide. I have been battling suicidal wishes for about a little more than 10 years. Depression and anxiety, for as long as I know myself as a person (29 and soon 30).
During this time, I have seen strong and talented people commit suicide. From famous artists to my own father. If these people eventually found as conclusion that they should end their life, I wonder what are the chances of me surviving this. I think it's likely that I will get to that point too. Have gotten pretty close many times, and the way I'm planning to do it, there is zero chance of surviving anyway.
I had heard that suicidal thoughts were stronger while close to personal tragedies and on people starting antidepressants and on young people. I've gone through those phases, and it's just gotten worse. My fears about failing in life have actually become true. My family is shorter and shorter, my friends are gone, I live in complete solitude in an empty apartment, filled with filth that I don't have the will power to clean, I eat barely nothing, sleep terribly, hate my job (where I am abused everyday), and think about suicide every five minutes of my waking hours. It is a nightmare scenario that I predicted years ago.
I know that there are people like me out there. It would be nice to meet them, I guess. It would also suck. Life is obviously full of happy and sad moments, but something went wrong for us. I think in previous times we would be dead very soon, and now we are blessed to live this torture over and over while receiving here and there some glances of how life was supposed to be like. But those glances are teases, they don't last long, and it's always a question of: is life worth living for those tiny moments?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Welp Really honestly thought I'd kill myself tonight. So angry at myself for not doing it. Ah well I guess tomorrow is a new day.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I know how it plays out and I'm done with it. Suicidal so I call up a crisis line "do you need an ambulance?" if not then "what usually works?" "you need to distract yourself", I feel like I get nothing from the call. It gets worse and I tell my case manager and psych my plan and steps I've taken to kill myself (including naming benefactors on my superannuation). They send my to hospital. At hospital it's "I've read the file but I want to hear it from you, why do you want to kill yourself?", adjust medication and spend a week or two in hospital and get home. I'm suicidal not because of thoughts but because of *feelings* or senations. I feel that my body is not my own, I hear voices talk about me. All they can do is CBT, ACT which happens at the level of cognition, so it does nothing for my sensations. Thoughts and feelings/sensations get out of hand and I call the crisis line again, it happens over and over again.
I'm not expecting them to "cure" me and I know they can't. They can't reach into my brain and fix me. I know if I reach out for help that all others can do is give sympathies and care but they can't alleviate my burden. No one can. I reach out and it's always the same cycle. I'm tired and sick of it. I have to overcome the cycle.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I learned something important. I grew up hearing stories from my father about how black people were criminals, and that they’d robs, and rape white women such as myself. That was the general belief in my neighborhood and my church. So after 18 years of being in that echo chamber I went to college. I went to Yale actually, and at Yale there were more black people than I was used to.. I believe about 9% of the students were black. Which isn’t that much, but still coming from a .01% population was a big difference. I was genuinely nervous in class when sitting next to this black guy, He was 6’4” and 180lbs, and for me purely terrifying. I’m 5’4” and 106lbs. So the thought of him following me to my dorm fueled my nightmares. However after weeks of sitting next to him, I began to feel comfortable with him there. He eventually joined the study group I was in. Where We’ll we became friends. Years later (today) we had our first anniversary. One year of marriage! And I’m no longer afraid of black people.
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self.offmychest
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Boyfriend of 5 and a half years suddenly stopped talking to me... [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have a bleak future. I'm about to start working at my first job, I'm supposed to be in school but I can't afford it right now so I'm not. I don't know if I'll have the money to attend school. My boyfriend lives thousands of miles away and I want to go to school where he is. Even if I raise the funds there's the issue of the visa. I'm stressed about working in situations where I'm in danger, I'm stressed about not being able to finish my education, I'm scared of losing my boyfriend because no matter how much I try, it's upto fate, and if fate decides I can't go to him, he will break up with me. I'm stressed about my dad because he has a weak heart and doesn't take care of himself, I watch my mom become less of herself everyday, my sister is sick too, if I don't earn there's no one to support them. I'm so stressed my heart skips a beat all the time.
Tldr : Everything in my life is uncertain and I can't cope
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self.Anxiety
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No where to go :| Family pretty combative for no reason, prolly mental defect, friends backstabbing, hard to find a job, not really needed, might as well be an hero <.<
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self.SuicideWatch
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Going to a no name university. Should I just kill myself now? I feel like I'm stalling for time.
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self.SuicideWatch
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im in a state of hypermania what should i do? weeeeeeeee i feel so high and crazy,i want to go to a party take estacy.fuck a girl,get drunk,stand on a building and jump off,because i can flyyyyy
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self.bipolar
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I don't know what else to do I am at a loss here. I haven't had work for six months now, despite my best efforts. I have five years of retail experience under my belt, but I'm failing at even getting the simplest minimum wage job. I've sent out 45+ applications with little success. I've reviewed and edited my resume multiple times, I've made sincere cover letters and spoken to managers at stores, to no avail. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or what else to do.
My life consists of nothing. Casting lures out to see what I can bring in, waiting anxiously for when I finally re-enter society, but it never comes. I'm rationing food, eating only sandwiches when I really need to. No money for any luxuries that make life worth living. Relying on my parents for support until I can get back on my feet, and it feels awful. I want to be independent, someone they can be proud of, and not a leech. They've given me so much support and I'm squandering all of it. I'm failing at a life that others less fortunate would be blessed to have. At this point I just want to end it. End these feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness. End my guilt of making others work so hard to help me and letting them down again and again. It's been months of let downs and disappointment with no end in sight. I really want to change that. And at this point I welcome any kind of change.
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self.SuicideWatch
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End of semester. Everything has been OK until now. Dissociating and struggling to focus. [deleted]
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self.depression
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why does lithium work only for some people? Is bipolar not a specific type of problem in the brain? Usually for other ailments the same chemical treatment does the same thing for pretty much everybody taking it, generally speaking. So what makes bipolar so different? Is bipolar just the term for anyone who has highs and lows but the mechanisms for those highs and lows are different in each person then? Anyways, I've been of the opinion that I would rather die than start taking anything for my condition. The meds out for it atm seem barbaric to me. I've been diagnosed BP2 and tonight at thanksgiving I was really short and just in a bad mood, and now I'm feeling really bummed out that I can't be happy when I want or need to be. I can't have any experiences on demand. I'm sitting there wanting to participate in all the festivities while my brain has me by my throat and forced down to my knees. And just bad vibes around people. Now I feel guilty. If I could end this by taking lithium I absolutely would. But I'm skeptical, so there isn't a trial period where I can check it out, if I like it just continue taking it? What happens eventually doesn't it lose effectiveness and make cycling worse when you have to eventually come off it? What's the lowdown for your own personal experience if you don't mind sharing..feeling really lost about this because everybodys experience is so damn different or variable. Doctor's wanted to put me on zyprexa, seroquel, lithium, and lamotrigine at once. I'm afraid those drugs would make me frail and anemic or fat and retarded or some combo of those four..whereas now, without altering further, I feel absolutely great most of the time, brilliant and energetic in fact but get these really crushing lows where I hate everything to the max for about a week. I don't want to trade out the benefits of what I have for something that ends up backfiring and permanently changing my ability to get some benefit or use out of it
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self.bipolar
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Well I tried Today I reached out to four different people, people that I would consider close friends. I told them how I slept 40 hours of the last 48 hours over the past two days. I slept lots more today until I forced myself to take a shower and eat my first meal in days. They all brushed me off, didn’t really understand what I was trying to convey. Now I’m both angry and depressed. I’ve been told time and again to reach out to loved ones when I’m like this. To no avail did anyone lend a real ear to help me. I can’t stop crying because I feel completely and utterly alone, especially after being giving the cold shoulder. They all know I suffer from depression and yet I feel ignored.
I normally bear through this on my own, because knowing how people are, they won’t try to help or understand. Now I remember why I just suffer in silence.
People disappoint me. But I guess no one wants to be around a debbie downer.
During the worst part, I mentally wrote a suicide note to everyone stating that they let me down when I needed them most. “So long and thanks for nothing.” Yeah, its stupid, selfish and immature.
I’m medicated but have been fighting a spiraling out for weeks. I’m tired of dealing with this.
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self.depression
|
How to stop thinking about failure? So, I start a baking course in 2 weeks.
I haven't been to school or really done much for the past 5 years.
I dropped out in year 11 to try a course that didn't work out, but this is my dream, so I should be excited....
But i can't get excited, because what if it all goes wrong and I fuck it all up, and then *POOF* my dream is gone.
I mean I do get excited, I get super excited, but my head has to always prepare for failure, which is only going to make it worse.
I don't know what to do, I've got a mental health care plan, and I'm going to see a psych, but that means they'll probably switch my meds (cause they don't work) and switching meds during school is going to make me fucked and there it is failure again.
How do I stop thinking about failing?
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self.Anxiety
|
I feel like I am addicted to suffering, cant imagine a life without this pain and tiredness Anyone else? Can anyone give me hope? I am 19 and have had mental health issues just for 9 months now and I am already hopeless and weak.
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self.depression
|
Why is life so harsh Im 17 years old and for the past 12 years of my life, my father has physically abused me and it has mentally scarred me.
For the past five years my mother has psychologically tortured me and made me feel like a speck of dust in this world
Ive tried ending it all four times over the past five years and everytime it just doesnt get any better
First time was with a rope
Next time two times were me trying to od
Last time was me trying to bleed to death
I constantly have these thoughts of “who will care if i actually die”
I just came out of a two year relationship where the girl cheated on me and i havent eaten in three days and have been non stop cutting parts on my body
Everything in life is just so fucked up and i just want it all to end.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Is it possible to get depressed from too much stress? I'm currently working a full-time unpaid internship, going to school full-time (6 classes) and working part-time on the side. I've never been more stressed in my entire life. I'm broke, constantly wondering how I'm going to pay my bills. I don't really have any free time to myself because what free time I do have I'm doing homework. I've graduated with two degrees from community college and I'm two semesters away from my undergrad. I'm the first person in my family to graduate from any type of college and neither one of my parents even attended college. Whenever I try to explain to them what I'm going trough, I feel like they simply just don't understand what it's like to be working 55+ hours a week on top of taking 6 classes. I just feel like I'm falling into a deep hole and I have no idea how to get out.
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self.depression
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I honestly don’t know why girls are so into me [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Do you ever do things that is so contrary to the fact that you have a mental illness? I have severe anxiety, bipolar II, and obsessive thoughts. Somehow I love to watch shows like "I Survived". My husband doesn't get it. Honestly, I don't get it. But, for some reason, I just really like to watch these real life horror stories.
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self.Anxiety
|
Hey, it’s me again Its been awhile since I’ve posted here let alone open the app.I’m sitting on a familiar motel bathroom while the showers running . I keep telling myself . I fucked up, I fucked , I fucked up . I turned off the tv before I got in the tub and that one song from idk who “walk in silence” popped in my head. Kinda dumb. But if I’ve never felt really bummed out at that sec. imma finish my shower go home and grub on some thanksgiving leftovers. I think the next time I check into a motel I prob won’t return the key.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Dropping out of uni. Fuck this shit. I've had enough of this. I'm giving up. I'd rather die than spend another week in this fucking building. I'm sorry, parents, but I can't tell you. Not right now. I have to figure things out and I'm not prepared for you to have a mental breakdown and lose your minds over this. I don't feel good about lying, but it's for the better. I can't go on in this uni. I hate it and I'm done telling people that I'm fine and that everything is rainbowy. It's actually way darker than you could ever imagine. I can't even describe what I've been through in these last few months. So fuck everything! I'm out!
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self.offmychest
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No Friends and extreme loneliness lead to suicidal thoughts Ok, so I'm 18 years old college freshman and I have suicidal thoughts every day now, very often. Ok I don't have any friends in college. I am not interested in the whole party scene and the only clubs that actually have any people in them are either academic clubs or religious clubs. I go back and forth with religion but I don't know if I can handle the type of ppl in those clubs. And I can't really make friends in class cause it would disrupt the lecture and you usually sit next to a different person every day cause the classes are so big and I'm naturally reserved person.
But i and many ppl usually think of suicidal people as pill poppers, you know long hair skinny, mentally ill kids that still live with their moms and they do drugs and they have bad relationships. But this can happen to anyone I guess it's happening to me even tho I've never done any drugs or even drank alcohol before. Also I exercise every day, I try to eat healthy, I meditate, I don't play video games and read sometimes I try to build good habits and healthy lifestyle but nothing replaces friends and social interaction which I have none of.
But after my classes and after the gym all I can do is lay in my dorm and do nothing. Sometimes I stay outside where all the ppl are walking but nobody will ever start a conversation with me and when I try to start conversations they usually last for like 10 seconds. Yes I've thought about suicide because I realize nobody would care or even notice I was gone. My mom would be devastated, and my brother and dad would be sad but I never see those people anyways.
Where should I go from here? I'm definitely not telling my mom, she would think I'm mentally ill and I can assure you I'm definitely not. I also don't feel like telling a school counselor, I just want to talk to someone normal. Also I think it's hard for 18 yr olds to buy firearms and that's my preferred method. I can drink a huge load of laundry detergent or something like that but nah.
I understand suicidal thoughts and actually taking action are 2 separate things but every day it gets just a little bit closer to the taking action part as I realize nobody cares
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self.SuicideWatch
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Have you tried Omega supplements? This is by no means a cure or replacement for doctor prescribed medications, but I've found that Omega supplements can really improve my mood on a day to day basis.
Online resources also indicate they can help with depression. Again, I just want to say that I do find they help my mood. I take one a day with food (never on an empty stomach or without food).
If you've never tried it, I think you should. It's not that expensive and had other health benefits as well.
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self.depression
|
My math professor gave me a chance to catch up and take my midterm on 4/3; I've been trying to but any advice? I was honest with my professor, told her my medical issues and diagnosis. Admitted if I took the midterm I'd fail, and would like to request extra time. She's wonderful. Next week is spring break, I have until April 3rd.
**Can't focus on studying, always tired, have headaches, fog, etc. It's ONLY with Calculus.**
How in the world do I work around this? I'm so lost.
If curious:
1. My psych left the clinic and I was told to go somewhere else through my insurance. Month long wait-time, appointment finally on March 30th.
2. Constant suicidal ideation. Went to school counselor and psych, was told to "try and get a goodnights sleep" and "it's just thoughts, right"? No help, didn't care, didn't even try to change my medications.
3. On Klonopin .5mg, Lamictal 200mg, Wellbutrin 300mg, Buspar 10mg-x2
**TL;DR - Please give me advice on how to focus and not sleep or pace my hours away to study and catch up in Calculus. I received a 46% on my first exam...A & B Student in everything else.**
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self.bipolar
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Im beyond the state of depression and in some new realm of indescribable nothingness. Just shouting into the maw and hoping at least one person answers. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Does anyone else have these wonderful dreams? Sometimes I have sweet dreams that make me so damn happy that I think that its real. But the worst part comes when I wake up and become insanely depressed when I realize that it was just a dream. Makes waking up unbearable
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self.depression
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part of me will always belong to you I feel like we met in another life, connected in a way that I can't describe. Beautiful moments remind me of you, like staring into the night's sky. Sometimes while staring into the stars, I swear I can feel you are out there, somewhere. I feel your warmth, and kindness, and strength of spirit. And I wonder how you are, and hope for the very best for you. For many reasons we are not meant to be, and I accept that and am ready to live the rest of my life missing you. But you'll always have a piece of my heart, and I will love you and wish the best for you for all my remaining days.
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self.offmychest
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I don't deserve the life I have Because I'm a piece of garbage that probably deserves to live in misery and loneliness. I feel guilty for having the things I do because there are much more deserving people and yet I'm still just a sad fuck. But I still think maybe just maybe things will get better and that's such a stupid belief, because things will remain as they always are.
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self.depression
|
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