text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
Don’t want to end up in psych ward again. Need to get out of depressive episode asap. I’m slipping into a really bad depressive episode. I’m becoming suicidal, slept 15 hrs yesterday, am anxious and screaming often at nothing, self-harming, in physical pain, and have brain fog from depression.
I have assignments due tomorrow and can’t focus enough to get them done. I went to class today and took notes but idek what I wrote. I was thinking of how to kill myself and panicking the entire time
I’m not going to kill myself. I just really want to. I’ve called my p-doc and left a message saying what was going on. My next appt is november 6 and idk if I can make it that long.
I don’t want to fail college. I don’t want to lose my job. Idk what to do
|
self.bipolar
|
Do you ever break down because of how ugly you are [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I just need some support. Please, if anyone is out there reading this, just tell me that you're there and that it'll be okay. Because I know it will, somewhere in the back of my head. Every day is torture and the torture is going to continue until July. Im trying so hard to get through this but every day makes that finish line seem further and further away.
July is when my lease is up. Because I know someone's going to ask for specifics.
I'm sorry I'm in such a bitchy mood. I want to OD and go away. It's hard to be good to others when feeling this way. It's hard to care about anything.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Is it bad to say you are suicidal for attention? [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I've been suffering for seven years and I just want the pain to stop... So seven years ago I graduated from high school. At that time I felt like the king of the world: I was honor roll student who excelled at school, I had a girlfriend who I got along with, I participated on our school's football team, concert/jazz band, and wrote for my school's paper. I felt like I was ready for anything and that college was just a month or two away, but fate had other things in mind.
As I was going through my senior year of high school, my parents were finalizing their divorce (they were separated at this time though). I showed them all of these college letters I was getting (some even wanted me to join their football team), but my parents weren't interested. Instead, they gave me this BS excuse saying that I need to "wait a year because I wasn't ready for college". I fought with them numerous times about it, but they wouldn't budge because they would rather pay off their legal bills rather than help me go to school. So because of that, while most of my friends went off to college, I had to stay and live with my mom and brother.
Fast forwarding to January, 2011 and my parent's divorce is finalized. At this time, I'm constantly getting into fights with my parents and I was somewhat mad with them, but things were still "okay". But on the day that the divorce was finished, out of the blue my mom told me that I needed to pack some of my things and that I needed to move in with my dad. They said that because of their divorce, they agreed (without neither mine nor my brother's consent) that my brother is to live with my mom and I'm to be with my dad, even though my brother lived maybe closer to his school while I was out of it. This just set me off and I was FURIOUS. I was crying my eyes out yelling at my parents, who even threatened to call the police to get me out. In the end I had no choice but to leave, and to this day I have never forgiven any of them for that and I have had severe trust issues with them ever since.
A few months go by and I'm enrolled at a nearby community college. While I'm not-surprisingly doing well while getting my Associates degree in Political Science (much to my parent's "surprise" (those ungrateful losers...)), I notice I'm sometimes having trouble concentrating in school. Even though I take good notes, I feel like I'm daydreaming and I'm acting out in my head. I'm a little concerned but I overlook it.
Two years go by and I'm having a really hard time at home. Not only am I pretty depressed, but I'm getting in fights with my parents, I broke up with my girlfriend after she cheated on me (haven't had one ever since btw), and my "mental shitposting" has gotten worse. My parents decide to have me see a psychologist, which actually does help me a bit. In the end, I'm diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression.
Once I get my Associates and transfer to a larger university, I finally feel like I can finally flourish since I'm finally away from my parents. Initially that's what happened, as I was doing fine in school. I even decided to join one of politics-related student organizations at my school, which happened to be the College "X"s (considering how bad politics are nowadays, I'm replacing my party loyalty with X just because of how things are. I'm sure you understand). Initially I thought I was doing well with them; even though I never developed any friendships with the members there, I was doing a lot of work with them, so much so that I was named the leader of the organization one year after joining.
Even though I thought I could excel at being the leader of it, little did I know I was woefully unprepared to handle the job, as I was about to lead the organization into a crucial state election (it was the first one I worked on in my life as well). I crashed and burned tremendously, realizing that the previous leader just dumped the job off on me, refusing to help me actually do things to run the organization. After resigning immediately after the election (which I lost), I felt like a catastrophic failure, even though my psychologist helped me understand that it wasn't my fault. I would join a church group on campus which actually helped me gain some confidence, but because of that incident, I caused so much damage that even my grades suffered tremendously.
So, after all of that backstory, it leads me up to now. One year after graduating with a Bachelors in Political Science and minoring in International Studies, I have yet to get a job. I'm as depressed as ever and I feel like it will push me over the edge if I screw up at one small thing. I feel completely unqualified for anything and, whenever I apply for something that I have confidence in doing, nobody calls me back for an interview let alone straight up hiring me. I see all of my friends from my church group flourishing, getting jobs and getting married, but me on the other hand, an unemployed, lonely, anxious, depressed man, feels like I'm trapped in a cage with no way out. I want to cry, but my body physically can't do it anymore. I feel like God is punishing me for a crime that I did not commit and I still have yet to reach rock bottom. I just want the pain to stop. I just want to be happy. That's all I want right now, just to be happy.
I'm sorry if this thread is massive, I just had to say what I said.
|
self.depression
|
Welp, just got rejected like always While I won't be able kill myself reliably where I'm currently at, I still want the pain to end. I took the risk of either getting better with my depression and finally finding someone or killing myself. Guess I'm outta luck I never had.
Don't do relationships kids.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Nothing to live for, so much to die for. I do not enjoy anything, no matter how hard I try. I am riddled with anxiety whenever I am outside. I'm too lazy to try and do well in school. I have friends but I literally don't have fun with them at all. I'm incapable of having a close relationship with anyone because I have such a toxic person. Therapy isn't helping because I'm so ridiculously insecure I feel like even my therapist hates me. I'm so fucking helpless.
|
self.depression
|
I've hated my job for too long and I'm finally applying for new ones [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Can’t take much more I’ve been here before, so many times. Telling myself no one cares about me. I know I’m wrong but it still hurts as if I believe it every time I think about it.
I don’t give a shit about anything anymore, I have no future, nothing to look forward to. I’ve been living for years for the sake of my friends and family and I don’t feel like I can take it much more.
If things don’t improve real soon, I’ll probably kill myself.
|
self.depression
|
Cómo seguir adelante Durante años he luchado con mi ansiedad y episodios depresivos, y me dí cuenta de que confiaba mucho en mi pareja para mantenerme en calma. La necesitaba mucho a tal punto que ella no pudo más y se fué, solo quiero poder estar bien estando sola y que mi mente no me mate
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Suicidal thoughts all day. Please help me. Hi. I've been having suidical thoughts all day and the words "I want to die" repeating in my mind. I don't feel like myself right now. I feel numb. I don't want to die, I just want it all to stop. The thoughts, the horrible thoughts. Someone please help me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Hey all - new here. Life spiraling the drain and I am off my meds. tl;dr I quit my meds a few months ago for a couple reasons and lately my husband is sick and useless (2 separate issues) and I just found out my Mom probably has cancer.
This is hard. I have no friends, my Mom is the only family that is talking to me besides the hubby (I will get to him) who is useless at this point. I talk to my therapist who blows smoke up my ass (we rarely talk about anything important) and I just missed a second appointment with my Psychiatrist.
About 5 months ago I had a tachycardia episode where my heartrate was over 140 and they could not figure out why, or get it down. It took 4 hours for them to get it stabilized under 100. never figured out why, but I had a theory - serotonin syndrome. I was on Effexor, Seroquel, Lamictal, Gabapentin, and some other non head meds that effect your serotonin levels. I quit taking the non head meds and the gabapentin. I asked about stopping the lamictal and was told I could wean myself off.
then about a month later, I tried to commit suicide (third time is NOT a charm) and ended up hallucinating for two and a half days. My hubby was there the entire time, knew about the attempt and the hallucinations and did not call for help, and tried to stop me when I tried to call for help. In my hallucination, I did call and took quite the trip, but in reality the call did not go through. Both my therapist and my psych know about this, but I have been living with suicidal ideations for most of my life. they know that I use it like security blanket or an emergency exit, and that this particular attempt was opportunity driven. I decided that if the meds could not prevent this, then they are not working; why take them? so I stopped the effexor and the seroquel.
Hubby was always pretty useless. Not abusive, just neglectful. Last year his health deteriorated and he became malnourished although he was eating everything in sight - he was not absorbing any nutrients from his food. this caused damage to his muscles, skin, and his brain. It is like dementia, but he won't forget who I am or where he lives - just all of our memories are wiped out and he has to ask how to use soap sometimes - 'so I just put it on the washcloth? Huh' "no, you have to wet the washcloth first" 'well, that is stupid. Why is there liquid soap if I have to use water?'
Now, Thursday I found my Mom unresponsive and collapsed in her apartment. I had just taken her to the doctors the day before and was bringing her meds to her. The EMTs said that her blood sugar was only 35, and it took hours at the ED to get her to come around and be coherent. Now she is in the hospital, has C.dif and we just found out today that she has 'a spot on her pancreas' and we have to wait 4 or 5 days for the biopsy result. Mind you she is 91 and in better health than either I or the hubby.
We are losing the house and we were going to meet with one of those 'ugly house' people on Friday, but that had to be postponed. Even if we sell we will about break even with the moving costs. did I mention that we both live on about $1,700 a month disability between both of us, and cannot afford rent and have been on housing lists for years and nowhere near the top.
Also, I have been doing stupid things like looking up old flings and contacting them because I am manic right now. Hubby had an affair with our best friend 20 years ago - long ongoing and in love with her thing - and still texts with her. Knows that it kills me, and does it anyway. I dabbled at messing around on him, but never got further than a kiss with one guy, and an in person hot talk with a little 'heavy petting' with another. also looked up, but did not contact his best friend that I did sleep with 37 years ago - yes I started it, but i only had sex with the guy a few times and took off with him for a month because the hubby was only 23 and crazy jealous. Was being violent at my moms house and terrorized my best friend at work, so I had to leave town. Ended up that the bestie was fooling around on his wife with me and a 16 year old girl - YUCK. Noped the hell out of there after deciding not to blow his head off with a shot gun.
So why the hell am I looking him up on the net? and the heavy petting guy - he still looks great and I look like a toothless hag, so we are not going to hook up, so why did I message him?
I don't know what the hell to do, but it felt good to get it off my chest if nothing else
|
self.bipolar
|
I have no friends and spent most of last night crying [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Why do people suck so bad I feel like nobody cares unless you are rich or dead
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Has anyone Had Issues w/Bupropion But successfully taken it later? My pdoc recently prescribed Bupropion (Wellbutrin) XL 150mg to help with both depression and ADHD, as well as to hopefully counteract any potential weight gain from Seroquel XR 200mg. So far so good, right?
Well, I've tried Wellbutrin before and had it turn out poorly. Thing is, this was about ten years ago and I don't remember *how* it didn't work out. I dimly remember one AD I was tried on giving me terrible rage that frightened me into stopping it, but that could as easily have been Prozac (also don't remember why, but I remember it scared me so bad I swore it off forevermore). But if it *was* because of anger...is it possible that being on a different cocktail for this attempt would make it turn out differently?
Medication info: I think I was on Depakote then, a relatively low dose (500-1000mg daily, depending on when...it went up over time). I'm currently on Tegretol 200mg 2x daily, Seroquel XR 200mg daily, and Vistaril 25mg PRN. I *don't* remember which formulation or dose of Wellbutrin I tried before; this time it's to be 150 XL daily.
TL;DR - Worried about a med I tried before, remembering very little, hoping this time is different.
Edit: sorry for inconsistent title capitalization, it looked different before posting.
|
self.bipolar
|
I haven't been on a plane in about 5 years I have a flight in two weeks.Every time I'm anxiety is worse. I'm very claustrophobic and hate the thought of the doors shutting and being locked in for about 3 hours. I wish I had something to just knock me out for the full 3 hours!Any help would be great!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Not wanting emotional support is a vicious cycle. Don't have anyone to talk to --> Spiral into depression from chronic loneliness --> Learn to not need other people in order to stay sane --> Begin to pride self in not needing other people because it's all I have left going for me --> Reject emotional support from others because it would ruin pride in being emotionally independent --> Don't have anyone to talk to...
|
self.offmychest
|
Tired I live at a boarding school at the moment since my mum can't take care of me anymore since I couldn't get out of bed and was therefore missing lots of school. I thought it could be better, I thought I was getting better, obviously not. One of my best friend tried to kill himself a while ago I've told my mum i feel this way and she thinks Im just using it as an excuse to skip school. She is going to fly here in a bit, I might have to go to a mental health clinic. I'm in so much pain I'm tired of people saying stick it out I hate living life is shit, I try my hardest I really do, but no one cares because even with all my effort it's not enough, Im so pathetic, all I want to do is cry in bed listening to music. I don't have anyone to talk to, my father was abusive to me, the only 2 family member who love me are in different countries, my uncle is in Canada while my sister is in Ukraine, the only thing stopping me from ending it all is the lack of places to hang my belt up. I'm scared, I'm pathetic, I can't fight this fight anymore, I don't even eat anymore I'm so pathetic I wish daily that someone put a bullet in my head or I got run over in a fresh accident I feel like shit always I hide it but obviously it's not working out fuck my life im the scum of society just kill me, mental health support in this country is shit. I'm tired of it all and I don't know what to do please help.
Anyone. Please.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I fucking hate my life I’m just not having a good time here on earth. I want to be with my friend so bad and sometimes I think about ending it all
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Holiday Hell Hi,
I live with my mom (as a 36 year old female) and she just left for a 10 day vacation. I do have a boyfriend, we usually see each other during the daytime when we meet for tea. Today I have plans to see my dad and his girlfriend (I usually only see them 3 times a year at most. I don't think I have even seen my dad since my manic episode in summer of 2016)
I am feeling overwhelmed with emotions, my mom leaving, seeing my dad, being alone in the house, the responsibility of taking care of the house and pets, having to work to pay my bills, possibly seeing my boyfriend and his family on christmas, who i haven't seen much since my episode. Everybody basically took a step back from my except my mom who has really been helping me a lot. I just got my anti-psychotic injection yesterday and I'm taking my meds I just have to make sure I get enough sleep and stay calm.
|
self.bipolar
|
homework makes me want to die i once again screwed myself. i have 2 packets of math and 2 packets of chemistry to do, amounting to about 100 problems, and 2 projects for my remaining classes to take care of. i have 3 days before christmas break is over, counting today, and today’s almost over. i feel like killing myself would just be easier than having to accept all the 0s or make myself miserable and actually do it all. i won’t do it tho. i wish i could. id get to escape my job and the stress of my social life too. i just want to die
|
self.depression
|
My anxiety is ruining my relationship. my insecurities have 100% ruined my relationship with my boyfriend. my anxiety feels like it’s taken over all my thoughts and I constantly second guess whether he’s faithful or not. I don’t know how to make those bad thoughts go away, it’s so exhausting and i’m going to end up depressed and alone if I can’t find a way to stop it fast. I feel like i’m drowning and the only person who is making me feel this way is myself. I hope i’m not alone in this and that someone has some advice. I’m going to lose the only person who cares about me. someone please help
|
self.Anxiety
|
Had my first failed suicide attempt. Took about a 6 inch kitchen knife and relentlessly shredded into my left arm. Chickened out as soon as I realized that the blood kept coming after wiping it away. Sat with a throbbing arm, only thing guaranteed is a nasty scar at this point.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My mom doesn't understand that I use the internet as my coping mechanism. I've posted before in either this subreddit or others about how my family can't understand that my internet is how I cope with my depression but now it's actually becoming a bigger problem. I'm 14 and I've been depressed for about 3-4 years. In that time, I've had a therapist but the therapist didn't help me. At this point, my only coping mechanism is the internet and music. I stay up until about 3 in the morning no matter what, internet or not. My mom has turned off our router at like 11pm but I still stay awake cause I just can't sleep. She's also taken my phone away before with no internet but I stay awake just thinking about life, people, and other shit for hours. Everytime she does this, I just feel 10x more depressed and I sleep at the same time either way. Music is my coping mechanism and I would probably have no motivation or anything without it. What the fuck should I do?
|
self.depression
|
heart pressure: low diastolic and high systolic, 18yo. Hello, few months ago I've had my first panic attack, which, perhaps, was induced by methylphenidate (ADHD drug that I'm prescribed), I was hospitalized then. Blood pressure was constantly at least 160/90 (my blood pressure before issues was around 130/80).
The panic attacks stopped after a few weeks.
Now I have a lot of anxiety about my heart. The ECG shows no problems whatsoever.
Blood pressure in a calm state is constantly 140-150/60-75. Pulse stays around 75-95
I feel my heart pounding all the time, tightness in my left side of the chest. I feel pulsating pain whenever my heart is pounding.
Of course it is worse after eating carbs and physical exercise.
I will see a doctor.
I'm really concerned about it, especially the tightness in the throat doesn't feel well. The thyroid doesn't seem to be enlarged. There are more.
Can it be some other problem, not just anxiety?
|
self.Anxiety
|
My housemate got taken away in an ambulance outside our house last night and I didn’t realise it was her so I didn’t do anything and now I can’t deal with the guilt [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I can't stand my (F27) partner's (M31) best friend (F29) and don't know what to do [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I've got people all around me who are on some sort of passion fueled quest to become a specialist in their chosen field. Meanwhile I cant get out of bed most mornings. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I cant just commit suicide, its not an option... Depression has become this toxic cancer that has swallowed me whole, I dont know how long I can last like this before Im totally engrossed by this feeling.
I dont experience any emotions anymore its always *miserable* or happy. When I feel happy its always this masquerade over my own sadness, I love feeling happy or content but I always know its a cheap facade that will dissolve quickly.
I dont use Facebook or much social media due to me slowly withdrawing from social situations over the past years. I cut off a lot of people that didnt want to be in my life and after a while it turned out to be mostly everyone, this has caused me to feel really lonely, I try to have some friends but its kinda obvious that no one really needs me and if I simply offed myself they would mourn and forget because I never really impacted their life.
Ive been working on getting a job, my last one was extremely degrading and it made my depression snowball rapidly. Something to take my mind off my sadness, make me some money, and strive to become a valuable and respected member of something. My last job I tried my hardest to do this but it was obvious I was being rejected by my fellow staff and manager- some of the people I worked with were accomodating and accepting.
I dont have hobbies either. Ive spent my whole life struggling to find something I enjoy doing. I used to love video games but since Ive grown up video games have become more expensive and less captivating and enjoyable, at least for me. Even drugs have gotten boring, its apparent that the only reason I enjoyed them was the escapism aspect where I could forget my issues and enjoy something beyond comprehension. Ive recently been thinking about trying meth or heroin so I can get hooked on something and (preferably) overdose. But I dont have connects and I worry about disappointing my family whos already disappointed enough in me.
I had a family member commit suicide recently and I dont like how it affects everyone left behind, so many questions and so much confusion. It just pushes your pain onto everyone else because you couldnt handle it. I feel Im approaching that stage quickly, I tried to overdose last week but I woke up feeling stupid and ashamed. I dont want to do it but I feel like I have to
Yet whenever Im asked if Im doing okay I can only say "Yeah Im fine. Thanks"
Thanks for reading...
|
self.depression
|
Just got hit with a wave Got into a minor fight with my partner. His mother passed away two years ago, and he'd mentioned earlier that he missed her, which triggered me into thinking about how much I miss my mother (who lives on the other side of the country) and how fucked I'm going to be when she dies. Fast forward to about twenty minutes ago, when I had the paralyzing realization that there's so much more pain that I'm going to have to feel in my life—losing my parents, surviving grandmother, probably many friends, possibly siblings. And I don't know if there will be comparable joys that help make it all worthwhile. My partner and I love each other deeply, but he 98% does not want kids, and I... I don't know that I could find anything else that fulfilling, ultimately. And right now, it just feels like the only reason to not wish to be dead so I didn't have to anticipate living through all this pain is just so that I don't cause it for the people who love me. Like, I could never even wish I were dead because it would destroy my mother.
And here is where I feel like I don't get to deserve sympathy, or get to need help to feel better, because I have been using some recreational substances in the past few weeks. No where near a level of abuse—and, indeed, much less than many of my peers—but enough that I can reasonably assume part of the reason I'm having so much trouble handling things on my own is because I've put my brain chemistry off balance. So I shut myself off from asking for help from my friends. And I'm not even asking you, Reddit. I just wanted a place to be able to say something. Thanks.
|
self.depression
|
Poison Ive been thinking about suicide methods for the last 2 months, and I’ve been wondering what a good poison would be, preferably a painless one.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
i don’t see the point anymore i apologize for how long and how much of a mess this is. i honestly don’t care if anyone even reads it because i just needed to vent. i suppose this isn’t the best place to try and get help from, but right now it’s the only place i can think of.
i’m 16 years old, and i’m just so hopeless. even as a young child, i remember almost always feeling incredibly sad, as well as wishing i was never born, which saddens me even more now because i’ve never truly been happy. i’ve been bullied a lot, mostly in middle school, for so many different things, that it’s hard for me to even make friends because it’s hard to trust people. i developed an eating disorder in middle school, and my depression worsened as a result. i did get better for most of eighth grade, but when high school started, everything began getting bad again. now, it’s just on and off, which is incredibly frustrating because it’s so hard to function when your moods and opinions of things as simple as food fluctuate so frequently. i just wish it all would stop, as i don’t see the point in living if i’m going to be miserable for the majority of my life. i try to stay positive for my boyfriend’s sake, because i know if i were to commit suicide then it would hurt him very much. but i also hate hurting him almost everyday because it makes him sad when i’m sad. i love him very much but maybe i should just break up with him to spare him the pain of losing me or simply having to put up with me. i’m currently debating for probably the hundredth time as to whether or not i should end my life. i know i should probably get help, but in the past when i’ve tried to kill myself and my parents found out and forced me to go to therapy it only made it worse so i won’t bother doing that. i just don’t know what to do anymore so if anyone has any advice as to how to stay happy i would greatly appreciate it.
|
self.depression
|
My sadness now vs my depression before. BU reflection [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm a 16 year old boy and I really need help please I'm using a throwaway because some of my friends know my normal reddit account. This is sort of a rant so I'm sorry, I don't expect people to read this really.
I'm in sophomore year of high school, and ever since high school started I've felt really sad. I feel really anxious when I'm at school because I feel like the people there don't actually like me, and even though I have a lot of friends outside of school, I've slowly started to resent a lot of them to the point where I don't even really want to hang out with them. I can hear their voices in my head sometimes and it pisses me off. For example, I have ADHD, and one of my really close friends isn't very accepting of people mentally different than he is. He does this thing that's mostly a joke where someone will be explaining why something happened, and he'll say "excuses excuses" while very clearly not listening and it's so fucking frustrating. Sometimes when I'm trying to do school work and I just cannot focus for the life of me, I can hear his voice saying "ADHD isn't real, you just can't focus because you're not smart", which isn't even something he'd actually say. Another one is "you know, it's your fault your parents got divorced", which is weird because I know that's not true.
Also ADHD is a BIG problem. I take 15mg of Adderall for it but honestly it's pretty hard to tell if it helps. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to feel a big change, but I definitely don't. My school is pretty accepting of ADHD, and I'm far from the only one there with it, but there's only so much they can do. There are times when I just cannot do an assignment because no matter how hard I try, I can't control my thoughts to stay on it. I start to feel physically uncomfortable and become filled with rage when that happens. It's no excuse for me to say "sorry I didn't complete the assignment, I couldn't focus on it" because that would just sound like bullshit and I'd get a reputation as lazy. I always complete all my assignments, but often times it takes hours and I don't really understand it. Then on the tests I study days in advance, the day of the test comes, and it's a scramble to get all of my thoughts down onto the page before they leave my head. I'm never able to get it all down, and I'm left staring blankly at problems, desperately wracking my brain to no avail, and I end up getting like a 73% because the first part of the test where I was actually able to remember stuff is (mostly) right, and then EVERYTHING else is wrong. Because of this my grades are way lower than they should be (I have a D, two C's, two B's and one A), which is really stressful because my parents always ask me about why they're so low and try to help, but I can't even help myself, how are they gonna change anything besides make me more stressed out?
It's also a really bad feeling because all throughout elementary and middle school and the beginning of 9th grade, I was pretty much a straight A student, so it feels like I don't really know who I am. On topics that interest me, like sports statistics and creative writing, I can spend literally hours and hours on projects, but that stuff isn't for a grade, so it doesn't really matter how good I am at it I guess.
To get a good job I have to go to a good college, and to get into a good college I have to have good grades, but how the FUCK am I supposed to do that when no matter how hard I try, I can't do well? People make it seem so effortless, I don't get it. I spend my lunches and free periods doing homework and studying and it doesn't even matter because I just freeze forget it all when it's time to take a test, and then my grade stays at like a fucking 78 or whatever. I don't know what the point of life is if I end up having a bad job, and that scares the fuck out of me.
I'm not going to kill myself, but everyday I think about how much easier it would be if I wasn't alive. I know I'm not actually depressed, because that's an actual illness based on diagnosis, but I don't know where else to post this. Also I know that teenagers go through this stuff all the time, but that conflicts me so much because on the one hand, it's nice to know I'm not alone, but at the same time, not being alone doesn't actually do anything to help.
This is sort of off topic but I really need to get this off my shoulders. One of my friends tried to kill himself two weeks ago by taking a ton of some pills his dad has and my other friend had to call an ambulance, and then two days later one of the only friends who I feel really close to tried to run away from home and got returned by someone who found him, but then his key broke as he was trying to get back into his house and I woke up at like 4:30 in the morning to him knocking on the door asking my help to pick the lock, which didn't even work, so he had to stay at my house until the sun came up and then go to school from there. I know it's not that important, but I just can't get those things out of my mind.
Sorry for writing so much, the grammar's probably horrible because I wrote this super hastily in like 15 minutes, but I just needed to get it out.
This might not even be the best sub to post this in, I don't know. If there's a better place, please let me know.
|
self.depression
|
[nsfw] I received anal sex for the first time and I'm really embarassed [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
22M who grew up in a bad home, I feel intellectually starved and developmentally disabled from neglect at home, school, and friends You know that feeling when a conversation begins to drift into something you can't quite grasp? The feeling of being in understanding just slips away like losing your grip on a door handle and for some reason I have always felt a barrier about asking questions.
I don't know any thing at all and it's quite obvious, apparently. People call this vacant expression I suddenly slide into as 'Deer in the headlights.' I space off, I go on a tangent in my head off into space. I could be having a flashback to something fine or something bad that happened, but I snap back without a lead to pick back up.
I come from a lower class white family in Washington. My family has a history of mental illness and drug addiction. Communication was not something they did. I learned how to read by playing Legend of Zelda and I escaped domestic violence by playing Zelda. I would play until my eyes couldn't focus.
My dad was an alcoholic, basically a grunge-punk with his own issues and never shaped up well into having a family. My mother was a meth addict who turned into an alcoholic alongside my dad. He worked in construction since he was 18, and she worked wherever she could. I saw my brother fighting against everything. I saw how much energy he had to be angry and I was always afraid of him. He beat me up a lot and I didn't like his friends.
I went through that 'questions' phase distinctly feeling unsatisfied and underwhelmed.
In school I was always behind and never caught up. Everytime I would get an assignment I'd just shove it in my backpack. This habit would culminate into a dramatic dumping near the end of the year, and I would be forced to sit at the table for hours and do every single assignment. Then when I present it to the teacher they would typically throw it right in the bin.
I picked my nose for comfort, and I'd wipe it on the wall in my room. Eventually each of the four walls would be covered to the point of needing to be painted once more. The room got painted three times, I think.
I have always been quiet. I never made observations, I never asked questions, I scarcely made connections. People would often forget I was in the car, or in the other room. When my lips chapped together I'd imagine my mouth sealing up so I'd never have to say anything when I didn't want to.
My parents divorced, my mom couch surfed as a meth addict. My dad worked himself to the bone for his own construction business, and drank when he wasn't working. My brother ran away from home to be a juggalo and I lived at my grandparents house.
I confessed to my grandpa once that I just wanted to join the military so I could shoot somebody. Nothing at all.
I held my breath as much as possible at school because I was afraid I'd be annoying.
My dad moved him and I to a small town and I made friends that I got into minimal trouble with.
I really don't know how to describe anyones behavior that I'd been exposed to up to 17 as anything else but unhelpful, unwilling, or anything.
The point is I work in a warehouse now live on my own. I live with someone I sincerely love who also has had a traumatic childhood and we communicate in a way I'm sincerely proud of. I don't drink or smoke cigarettes. I just managed to sign up for state health insurance and I'm working up the courage to expect more from myself. I'm engaged in philosphy and my god it's like a breath of fresh air to feel like I'm becoming more myself, like I was always meant to be. I have a long road ahead of me but I know I belong in this world and I don't have to keep quiet about anything anymore. I want to get past all that garbage and start expressing things that can really help others, especially children and homeless people. I love everyone.
Sorry for the ramble.
|
self.offmychest
|
I need to vent I'm absolutely freaking out about my future and it's pushing me to the brink of suicide. I feel like a failure.
|
self.depression
|
I realized the older I've gotten the uglier I've gotten Ever since I turned 23 I've gotten ugly. Now that I'm 25 it got worse. Been single all my life. I wasn't this bad as a teen and early 20s. Could stress be the cause I don't know what happen to me! My face and skin got uglier. I'm not skinny but not extremely fat. But I carry some fat and overweight. Though people say I'm not and keep saying "I'm thick". My sister is 23 and she is attractive and she's gotten so many guys attention. She's still thin and still looks young. I hate how ugly I am and it makes me depressed. Why am I like this? I never drink or smoke. Is it stress,hormones? I don't know.
|
self.depression
|
I don't think I'm depressed, but I can't feel anything. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I feel like I can't breathe. Everything is falling apart. Please help. I just got destroyed on my chem midterm today, found out I failed a bio lab which reduces my final mark by a nice 5%, and my friends have pretty much straight up told me that I'm not hanging out with them like I usually do and that I don't seem happy at all.
My life is really fucked. I'm insecure as hell, my grades are my only sense of identity and if they're good, I'm confident and cool, but if they suck I'm trash. I can't hang out with friends like I usually do because I'm insecure and my grades are getting lower.
On the down low, everyone knows that I don't really want to hang out. Everyone can see that I look depressed and tired most of the time. Everyone notices that I don't have my shit together. I'm ashamed of this, because I always try to put a facade that I'm content and cool when I'm really not. If anyone sees through the facade, I feel like I want to die and life is falling apart. How do I know everyone notices I don't have my shit together? Basically everyone tells me that I either look high, drunk, tired, depressed, angry, or out of it.
I'm panicking, I can't breathe, because I just took so much in. Life is going not as smoothly as I wanted it to be, and first-year university is crashing down on me hard, and me especially, because I have major self-esteem issues from a fucked up childhood.
Someone please help. At least so I have someone to talk to. I feel like I'm drowning.
|
self.offmychest
|
People's first inclination is to always blame the depressed person It's somehow beyond their imagination that sometimes *bad shit happens and it's not your fault*. Because NOOOOPE it's always gotta be because "you're not trying hard enough". They never have any fucking answers that don't involve making it your fault. Fuck asking for help, the "helpers" just make it worse.
|
self.depression
|
On shit posting... obviously, as has been stated, the issue is not just selfies. So, we have a community that’s divided: one group feels that posting whatever they find (ir)relevant to bipolar disorder should go here. The other group would like to keep the subreddit relatively free of spam in order to help those who don’t have a highlight reel. (not to mention the safety issue of this being a mental health subreddit with a user base of people who are for the most part unstable... all you young pretty people be careful... some Reddit users can be very cunning)
These are examples of spam: selfies; memes; pet pictures; jokes about bipolar weather; pictures of tattoos; pictures of meds; etc.
ANY KIND OF SELFIE TRAIN WILL TURN THIS PLACE INTO AN INSTAGRAM FEED!!
Most of us have posted a meme or two because they’re original - not the socially awkward penguin. Lots of us have posted selfies in megathreads. Look how easy it is to post your photo within a text post:
(deleted) <—— still shameless but within the post.
We absolutely want to share our lives with each other and WE DO! This place already *is* a very strong and tight knit community. I don’t know how I’d have made it to where I am now if people here hadn’t picked me up a hundred times over the last four years. This place has been around since a lot of you were still in primary school!
No one is saying there’s anything wrong with taking selfies and wanting to show them to people. I’ve got tons of amazing photos that I’d love to show off here too, but I exercise restraint and wait until someone makes a post to share selfies. A year and a half ago someone started a selfie post and another user gave him gold. That’s how little we were spamming here. If there was a train, it was a tattoo train and it petered out after a day and all was back to normal. It didn’t lead right to another circle jerk of dog pictures (or whatever).
Anyone, at anytime, can either start a post or create a new subreddit just for photos. It may be fun for someone who’s got the time to moderate it. There’ve been a lot of subreddits branch off this place and go on to attract a big user base. I’m sure if one of you lovely ladies or gentlemen wants to start a subreddit dedicated to selfies, you’ll find your following here. Hell, I’ll even help to write out guidelines and get it going if someone wants to take the initiative and just do it.
In the interim, there *are* other bipolar subreddits:
r/bipolar_IRL (dedicated to memes)
r/bipolarreddit (I have nothing nice to say about this subreddit, so I will say nothing)
I don’t know what the other subs names are, but I know there’s one for poetry and another for art.
Your faces are beautiful :) They really are! I’d definitely subscribe to a selfie sub. I come to this place to pay forward all the support that’s been given to me though, and I’ve had a really shit ride guys.
I didn’t write this post to start another argument. It’d just be nice to come to a resolution before all the shit posting gets out of control. I feel like I’m losing this place and that’s sad. I wish Reddit would’ve just stayed in the shadows. Change is really hard :( This is the only place that’s ever been consistent for me in my entire life. I can’t do social media because I have social-communication deficits and I’m easily overstimulated. This is it for me. This is the only way I can successfully socialize and it’s being overrun by people looking for upvotes. It’s sad.
|
self.bipolar
|
Fixing myself seems impossible and pointless Hi everyone.
I'm a 30 something married woman that has struggled with major depression, dysthymia, with features of avoidant personality and borderline personality disorders (I haven't been formally diagnosed with the last two - the psychologists say I don't meet enough of the criteria. I also have major dependency issues - which I'll get into soon.
I feel really hopeless right now. Both my husband and I work full-time but his job situation is precarious - because my job is PFT, I feel like I'm responsible for whether or not we'll be able to pay the bills long-term. I struggle, a lot with my mental health. I feel exhausted and demoralized a lot of the time - or just plain stoned if I decide to double my antidepressants to feel happy for a change.
I'm really lonely, but I suck at human relationships. I don't really trust people and I'm afraid to open up - as a result I can be standoffish and cold. I'm not well-liked by my coworkers as a result. There's some mild bullying at my job - my supervisor is generally good at shutting that shit down but it sucks knowing that half of my colleagues would really rather see me gone. This is typical for me in every job. I can't get along with others - even if I try, I'll inevitably end up snapping at someone and then there's bad feelings all around. I'll apologize, but my colleagues are understandably wary of the office moody bitch. My job is okay - but I feel overwhelmed by it.
I'm thinking about suicide a lot - methods that won't be painful to me or dangerous to others. I really don't want to traumatize my family by them finding my dead body or put them at risk (yeah, I even worry about my dog eating my vomit after an overdose). I also don't want to scar perfect strangers for life - so no trains for me.
Everything in my life is a complete mess - my house is a disaster, I have exactly one close-ish friend (who I rarely talk to because of my situation). I don't eat right, exercise or socialize. I don't even drive myself to work - my mother does. I'm a grown-ass woman and my mother drives me to work. I'd drive myself but I'm either half-stoned on my antidepressants or exhausted. I worry that I'd get into an accident or be charged with impaired driving.
I love my husband a lot but I don't think I'm good for him - it's shitty to be married to an unstable woman. I sometimes wonder if divorce is inevitable - that he'll get sick of my fucked-up problems and leave. He'd be totally justified to. Honestly, I think it would be better for him if I just ended my life - he wouldn't have to lose half of his money.
The sheer amount of time and money it would take for me to resemble a normal person is just staggering. This may be the undiagnosed AvPD speaking, but I'm pretty sure his family disapprove of me in some way. I think they'd try to push him to leave me if I went into treatment full-time. At the same time, I don't think I can keep working at my job without having a mental breakdown or getting fired.
This is a complete aside but I want to thank everyone who took the time to read my post and other posts. I bet this isn't psychologically easy, hearing stories about people who are in a very dark place.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Code Red I've been struggling with a depressive episode for about 2 weeks now, and it's hit what I call code red; severe anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Maintaining normalcy is impossible at this point and I regard my job with a sense of dread. I see my psychiatrist in a week, but it'll take forever to get a talk therapist with my insurance. Has anyone ever changed jobs because of their depression? I'm really struggling guys
|
self.depression
|
I'm going to sleep now. I hope I don't wake up I'm just tired. I'm tired of not having any friends. I'm tired of my mom. I'm tired of reading to the news. I'm tired of constantly being in debt. I'm tired of school. I'm tired of my grades constantly going down. I'm tired of eating. I'm tired of having no control whatsoever over my life. Just let me go
|
self.depression
|
This relationship is so one-sided. I'm sorry I'm not enough for you. When I get back from holidays, I will have to break up with you. I'm so sorry it couldn't work out. But I'm clearly not enough for you, nothing I do or say seems to keep you interested in me. My texts go unanswered, you don't want to have sex anymore, we barely spend time any more, you hesitate to commit to any plans with me, and whenever we argue you give me the silent treatment that forces me to apologize, no matter what.
I'm so lonely and I'm tired of giving and giving and giving. Breakups hurt, but unrequited love hurts more. I want to cry every night. I'm sorry, I'm tired and I can't take it any more. It'll be over soon.
|
self.offmychest
|
I don't know how to feel. So, I've been told I have COPD. still waiting for an appointment to find out more about what that means. I get the impression from people around me. Mostly one friend and my mum, that I should be scared or sad or feel I need to talk about it?
What are you supposed to do when having a potentially life threatening illness doesn't feel like bad news?
|
self.depression
|
This is a throw away account because I'm ready to throw it all away. Fuck it. I'm making this post and hopefully someone will be able to convince me not to engage the trigger on my .45. I am a transgender MtF and have known such for decades. This is nearly irrelevant, though as I could not under any circumstances transition and maintain even a modicum of social standing (I'd lose my career, many friends, and all family) and would be forced to move cross country on no money in order for something even resembling hope in that regard would manifest.
Part of what is killing me (and making me want to expedite things) is people constantly pushing the idea that I have an insane amount of privilege being born white and male. I can't stand it anymore. It feels like my very existence on all fronts makes people want me dead, and this can be backed up by polls etc. I am a waste of life. My very existence is hated no matter what I choose to do or not do.
My family and the surrounding culture hates what would make me happiest, and at least 30% of all people hate me for existing. Again, this can all be backed up with data. I'm an atheist that will welcome the void. I understand that there are good things in life to be had, but I am begging here - someone give me an imperical reason to exist.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Why!? I feel like you guys are harassing me [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
The story of how I had a meltdown in Stockholm. Twice. Firstly, let it be known; I am a norwegian, more-or-less "high functioning" Asperger guy.
**First Stockholm-Meltdown:**
In november 2015, I went on a study trip to Stockholm with my theatre class. We were going to see lots of different theatre around the city. And also get a tour around the large "Stadsteatern" (The City Theatre)
On the day of the tour (second or third day I think) we had some time to wander and explore the city before the tour started. We all went out in various groups. I went with my two best friends from my class. We wandered around a bit in a mall and had a pretty good time until the time for the tour started.
Now, Stockholm is a pretty big city. One of the largest I've been to. In general, large cities are pretty overwhelming to me. Even the much smaller, but still pretty big city of Oslo can tire me out in just a few hours. But I was doing fine until now, because of my own well developed coping mechanisms and the fact that we were staying in the old town of Stockholm, which is a more quiet part of the city.
In addition, one of the things I hate the most, and causes me the most stress, is being late. If I have to go somewhere by train, I would rather arrive two hours early and wait, than take a train that takes me close to my destination five minutes before I'm supposed to be there.
So there we were in the middle of Stockholm. A very large city. And we were already past the time I would have liked to be present before the tour started, because my friends insisted that it would be fine, so I counted on them to get us there on time.(*Quick sidenote: I don't blame my friends for the meltdown*) We then realised that we had no Idea where to go to get back to the theatre. We walked for minutes looking for it. We even asked (what we assumed to be) a local guy about where it was. Either he gave us shit directions, or he actually didn't know where it was, because his directions ended up leading us more astray. Meanwhile I was getting more and more stressed from the whole situation. The combination of the stress of being late, the sensory overload of being in such a large city and the frustration of being lost had me near-panicking. My coping mechanisms where starting to fail. My friends did their best to calm me down, I think that's much of the reason I didn't burst right away.
Eventually, we did find our way back. I was a bit calmer, but still on the edge. When we came into the theatre, the rest of the class and the tour guide were waiting for us. One of my other classmates turned to face me as I entered the room. I could tell on his face he was about to make a joke about us being late. Under normal circumstances I like joking with him, but right now I couldn't handle it. He had barely opened his mouth and started to say something, when I half-yelled at him; "DON'T!!! DON'T SAY ANYTHING!!! I CAN'T HANDLE IT RIGHT NOW!!!" And halfway through saying all that, I broke down, fell to my knees and started crying. (*Sidenote: I don't blame him either*)
One of the teachers sat me down in a nearby chair and after a while, I had calmed down, and we could all go on the tour of the theatre. I was really happy the tour guide was kind enough to wait. The tour was pretty sweet too! That theatre has the roomiest elevator I've ever seen! You could fit a small house in there!
**Second Stockholm-Meltdown**
Next november it was time for another study trip to Stockholm. On the day of this meltdown, we were going out to a theatre on the outskirts of town, to see (if my memory serves me correctly) The stand-up show "Jag är Gud" (I am God) by swedish comedian Marika Carlsson.
On this day we also had a lot of time earlier in the day to explore the city. So me and a bunch of friends went with a ferry over to an aquarium. It was a very nice time. One of my friends (who was also with me during previous meltdown) took a creepy polaroid selfie where her face is lit up but everything around her is creepy and dark.
Anyway, once we were done in the aquarium, the others wanted to take the ferry back to the place we were staying. I thought that to be a waste of time, since we would then have to take the same ferry back again to go see the show, and I would rather just wait on this side. But they said that there would be time enough, so I went with them.
Now despite the day in general being nice until then, I was suffering from a bad attack of thinking my friends didn't really like me. I get these from time to time. Normally I know those thoughts aren't true, but still, I can't help it. They come back time and time again. So the general feel of the day for me wasn't really good. One of the contributers to this meltdown.
So once we were gonna take the ferry back again again, I was starting to stress from worrying about being too late again. There wasn't really anything to worry about, we were on time and then some, but that's how much I worry about and hate being late. Combined with the already unpleasant feeling inside me, it was bringing me right on the edge of breaking once again.
Once we got off the ferry I got seperated a bit from the others. This only added to my near-panick. I think I was almost hyper-ventilating by now. Then as I was trying to catch up to them, the ferry I had just stepped of made a loud honk. And that was the breaking point. It was so unexpected and loud that I screamed out loud in panick and sat down next to a tree. I was hyperventilating even worse now.
Some swedish woman came and sat down by me and helped me calm down. She just talked to me a bit and gave me a drink of water. After I was calm enough to function again, she said goodbye, went away, and I never saw her again, but I am eternally gratefull for her just taking the time to help me calm down. I got to the show on time. It was pretty funny!
Anyway, that's the story of my meltdowns in Stockholm. I'm writing it here just because I needed to get the story out and thought that some people here would understand and possibly have gone through similar experiences. And if that unknow swedish woman ever reads this: *Takk så mye! Tack så mycket!*
|
self.Anxiety
|
God im so so tired i just want to rest Im not even physically tired ,it's just..mentally it's destroying me
just so many problems that i cant do anything about ,i cant do anything but sit here everyday and waste my life, so many financial issues..just..it never ends ,it's not even the problem i've gotten used to it but i just have nothing anymore, no one..I'm not that bad i dont deserve this..i dont want the latest car model or to live in a big house i just want a normal life with normal worries and solve-able problems ,i just want one person that i can love deeply and never worry about them not loving me back, i seriously cant come up with one good thing that has happened since last year, no where i went no activity i did ,nothing that made me go "wow it's so nice to be alive right now"
the only good thing that happened to me recently was getting to know someone i thought i could finally be myself around and we'd talk for hours while i pour my feelings out but it turns out I'm nothing to them..0..no one ,i spend so much mental power to be careful not to say anything that might upset them or make them dislike me ,i thought i was doing so well , i thought i had them finally but it was such a shock to know that im so insignificant like that...i know i'm over-reacting to something so simple i know this is nothing..i know but i cant..i cant stop my thoughts..this was the last straw i cried my eyes out hoping i would feel better in the morning like always but it didnt work this time,i dont even know what to do
i hope this helps i really do..it's the only thing i can do
|
self.offmychest
|
Am I depressed? I know no one here is a doctor and all that but I don't want to see anyone unless I'm positive cuz I have no idea what I'm doing and don't want to waste anyone's time.
Sorry if this ends up being long.
I don't even know what to write so like I was walking back from a lecture one day listing to music through headphones, I was feeling okay but then a song came on and it wasn't even a sad song but suddenly it was like there was screaming inside my head, my eyes tearing up. But I didn't feel sad or angry or anything, I felt completely hollow. And then for most of the day I just felt empty like I was a ghost, even when speaking to people I knew they didn't want me there, that they dont care about me in the slightest, I notice it through their expressions. I played everything off as a joke forcing myself to laugh and listen eventually just shutting up and fading into the background, not like anyone noticed.
It's like that every day, I'll be fine, and something so minor will throw me into a terrible mindset, constant screaming in my head that no one cares about me, I'm a waste, I'm disgusting and no wonder everyone hates me. Sometimes I can manage to get out the mind set and feel better again but it doesn't last for long.
It hasn't been a recent thing either, probably for the past 3 years I've been getting these mindsets but they started getting bad last year and I think moving to uni has gotten them worse.
I think about death a lot, not in ways of hurting myself seriously but instead I day dream. It sounds weird but one of them is me being on a roof of a tall building and jumping off. I wouldn't commit suidicide because then it'll never get better. Even though off I did no one would care or mourn me, I'd doubt anyone would notice.
When I'm with people I always play it off as jokes, but my house mate called me out the other day, saying I was so cheerful before and now I'm really depressive. And used an example if me coming into the kitchen with headphones in getting food and leaving, when firstly they all do the same to me, worse even literally stopping the convo and being silent when I walk in a room which just screams they were talking about me. And secondly I just wanted food, I didn't mean to upset and be a downer to everyone.
I don't know if I'm depressed or if this is just what normal people feel anyway, I'm in the UK and I don't know who I'm meant to talk to or see if I was depressed. And what if I do go and they end up saying that I'm not. Why else could I feel so shit all the time
|
self.depression
|
Do hopeful words from loved ones do anything for you? I want to know if it's just me. It's at the point where I try to share some of my blackest issues and every word my friends tell me is the same old, "right now it seems the worst," "your pain won't last forever," and the most common, "it gets better" tripe. I just feel frustrated because it seems as though they think platitudes, however well-meaning*, can help. I don't reach out to anyone because I know I'll hear the same things.
Does anyone else have this same feeling?
*it's worth noting that I love these people very much and I know they only want to help
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Lost my Job Well after two years of employment I lost my job. The only reason they gave me was "performance". I had recently missed work for a manic episode which put me behind on two projects. When I have worked through my phases in the past it has caused issues so under the advisement of my doctor and therapist I took the time off. They would not extend the deadline on these projects due to my medical needs. I never filled for FMLA because this company had an unlimited paid time off program which I took advantage of to treat my illness. I never once used it for a personal day, or vacation, just to keep myself away while I cycled. Due to their ambiguity in the reasons for termination it leads me to believe I was let go via proxy of my mental illness. They have also offered me a terrible severance package. I worked 60 hours a week for two years and they have offered me two weeks of pay and one month of medical, the medical I have to pay for, but at the company rate.
I've done some research on advocacy groups that could help since I can't afford an attorney. I'm going through a messy divorce and literally days earlier spent everything I had saved on their retainer. The company wants me to sign paperwork saying I won't sue them to receive my crappy severance, but without that severance I won't be able to pay my ex and she will restrict access to my children.
My doctor and therapist have both stated multiple times that I should be on disability which I am considering, I'm just wondering if there are other options. I do not seek revenge, but fair compensation for my years of service and unclear dismissal due to what I am assuming due to lack of provided information is my disability and the way I treated it. Otherwise I have followed all correction provided to me by my supervisor regardless of whether I agreed with it. Also due to that same supervisor I was unable to fulfill many of my duties due to the restrictions he placed on me.
As part of the exit paper work they initially put I "resigned". I did not resign so I asked them to change that. They changed it to "separated". I was terminated, so I believe it is their intention to deny me unemployment. The person I spoke with as the workforce commission could not make statements of his feelings, but could say that he has seen companies use similar tactics in the past to deny benefits leading to a drawn out battle to receive basic benefits.
Thoughts? Questions? I am manic right now (tail end) and quite depressed for a number of reasons, part of which could just be crashing from the mania and moving onto the next cycle, so I know I'm not seeing things with a clear mind. Any advisement would be appreciated.
I do have my resume together and I have already started looking for another job (I've been unemployed three days, I started looking for work on day 2) but I feel due to the bipolar I'm just going to lose that job when I cycle through. I'm probably reading to far into it, but that is sort of the nature of the beast.
Again, any thoughts or ideas, things you have done, etc would be appreciated, and as always thank you for listening.
|
self.bipolar
|
Everyone saying it only gets worse is freaking me out. Hey guys. Dealing with depression for a while now, I think I might be getting worse, not entirely sure. I fear I might be getting worse. I fear that I won't be able to cope and I'll get worse and never get better and be able to enjoy life. Anybody ever feel like this or have any tips?
|
self.depression
|
Mom just told me that depression isn’t real and to kill myself. merry christmas
i told my family about what ive been going through this past semester and my mom just told me to stop being a bitch and that depression isn’t real. She said if I were actually depressed I should just kill myself because im obviously making shit up. My grades werent the greatest this semester and thats apparently all I am to my family.
idk where else i could post this and just needed to get it out of my mind.
|
self.depression
|
Depressed after visiting someone in hospital. Does anyone else get depressed after visiting someone they know in hospital? My Dad has been in one for a few days with a serious bacterial infection, and I visited him today for the first time. He is almost like himself (we even went for a coffee), but I find the environment inside of hospitals so drab and institutional. Feel pretty low now.
|
self.depression
|
Only had this symptom once before, don't know what to do I'm pretty well acquainted with the depression side of bipolar and some of the hypomanic side but I am having really, really bad irritation and anger. I rarely get angry--I'm anxious rather--and if I do get angry it feels controlled. But I'm pacing the floor and cleaning and throwing things on my bed (clothes, nothing breakable). I also left an angry voicemail on my therapist's phone that I will probably regret but she has been ignoring me so I don't regret it yet. I am literally shaking and filled with energy--and considering I have lupus and fibromyalgia and that causes chronic fatigue it's a pretty big deal that I'm having to pace to work off my angry energy.
How can I control this? I have only had this once in 2011 with my worst mixed episode ever where I would get so angry I'd want to scream at everyone. I did my best to be calm and told my friends (I was away in college) that I am having anger for no reason and will be avoiding them to prevent a blowout. It worked but I went hypersexual soon after which sucked. I live with roommates and am supposed to go out with them for brunch today and friends later but am not sure how my mania will turn out and I don't want to mess shit up.
|
self.bipolar
|
I don’t want to have to feel bad for being straight, white, and/or male. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Changed diagnosis? (Type II ---> I) Went to a new treatment place today. I walked in with the diagnosis of "Bipolar Type II, ultradian cycling."
After going over my story of self and loads of questions, the p-doc pulls out the DSM-V and starts looking through. Then we go over some more symptoms and she says, "I think you're actually Bipolar Type I without psychotic features, and ultra-rapid cycling."
Is that a legit thing? I kinda always held (manic) psychotic features as being the bright line between Type I and Type II. I was also under the impression that Type I tended to have longer episode times, and more ups than downs.
I am on average more depressed than hypo/manic, and my episodes tend to be quicker to transition than I guess I assumed Type I had.
But to be fair, I did nail the DSM-V requirements for Type I as long as you ignore the lack of psychotic stuff.
Guess I'm just looking for some perspective on this.
|
self.bipolar
|
I feel like this is killing me, but still no one listens..? I am convinced that I have been suffering from bipolar since the age of 19, I am now 21. I don't think I'll make it to 30, I just can't see it happening. I've been cycling between manic episodes which start off fun and then end up making me irritable, paranoid and delusional; and then crippling depression, where I lie in bed all day feeling like I'm burning in the fiery pits of hell; and each year it seems to get more intense. I can't hold down a job or maintain a relationship for more than a couple weeks. I can't afford to feed myself a lot of the time. After waiting for months I got to see a psychiatrist who discharged me after I told her I had been smoking weed, saying I had a substance abuse problem, but not addressing the underlying issue which I believe to be bipolar. Luckily I live in New Zealand where we have sweet welfare benefits which are just enough to put a roof over my head. I basically feel like when I kill myself, it won't be because I had mental health problems, it will be because no one would help me. People willl say at my funeral, oh if you were struggling with depression why didn't you tell someone, even tho in actual fact it's basically all I ever fucking talk about, and no one listens. Does anyone have any advice? I'm so confused and just feel stuck.
|
self.bipolar
|
Help Hi.
Lately, my best friend hasn't been sleeping well, he kept ditching school, and hasn't communicated with anyone.
Today I spotted a bunch of scars on his wrist. What should I do?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Traveling while medicated One thing I always took for granted when I was off my meds was the fact that I didn’t have to remember to bring anything with me. We’re back visiting family 4 hours away and when I went to take my meds this morning, I couldn’t find my lamictal. Queue full on panic. I had two in my “I forgot to take my meds” bottle, but that wouldn’t have done it over the whole week. I ran through my boyfriend’s parents house trying to not look suspicious while trying to figure out where they went. Luckily I found them in my car, but I could have done without the panic. Anyone else have similar issues this season?
|
self.bipolar
|
Loneliness I could use some help rebuilding myself after a breakup (4months). I have been jumping from relationship to relationship for the past year without pausing and being happy with myself. I need to learn how to take care of myself and appreciate myself without seeking a significant other for support. There are people making passes at me and offering to care for me, and I don’t know how to stay strong on my own when seeking the comfort of another is so much easier and will probably hurt less. Any advice will help. I currently want my ex, expect myself to settle for unfulfilling relationships, but need to be by myself.
|
self.depression
|
Almost 40 years and not a single redeemable quality can be found on this crappy rock. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I think i have Sociopath/Paranoid-Schizodisorder, but i am also an INFP. I need help (see bottom) [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I effed up and I'm never gonna get a chance to make up for it [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I don't know how to get professional help. I (26M) don't have a general practitioner in the family to recommend a professional therapist. My mom is aware of my struggles but can't help in the way that I need it. I have an old contact from 2 years ago, a counselor that saw me in off hours, but I'm not sure if he remembers me.
I need someone who can clinically diagnose me and tell me what the fuck is actually wrong with me. Not an online survey or unregistered "person to talk to".
How do I find someone who would be a right fit?
Thanks.
|
self.depression
|
I just wish I had a friend This life thing is bullshit. Nobody cares, everything is fucked, and everybody sucks. No matter how hard you try to make friends it doesn't even matter once they find out you are a depressed piece of shit. In fact, even if I wasn't I still can't make friends without saying anything. God damn it, I curse my parents for bringing me into this shithole. It's 2017, why the hell can I not disappear with the click of a button yet?
|
self.depression
|
I spent two weeks in a hospital and most of the people were nice, but didn't know what the hell they were doing Sorry, I just really need to rant.
I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt in October, and the techs (the people who monitor the patients 24/7) were mostly nice, although you could very obviously tell that they didn't really give a shit about the kids there, especially when some of them treated us like we were violent delinquents who needed constant discipline. Only a few were truly kind, and both times I've been hospitalized, only one person was open and caring and wasn't afraid of us. Otherwise, they didn't help us at all - the therapists were hardly ever in to work, and they argued with us instead of listening to us because they were so busy with other kids and paperwork. Their only job was to tell us not to kill ourselves and send us back out into the world with really shitty safety plans. When I was discharged the first time, they gave me the wrong dates for follow up appointments. They were completely incompetent, and they didn't even come close to apologizing, instead saying it was my fault I didn't figure it out myself.
We would also fill charts out about our emotions three times a day, and even when I listed suicidal thoughts and urges multiple times a week, the techs only told me to "just get out there and stop letting other people/depression define my life" and that I was being a self-centered teen, and the therapists told me I had failed myself the first time I was discharged and that I was back in the hospital because I had been too weak/lazy. They sent me back home with my parents even though I begged them not to and told them that the environment with them was toxic to me when I was struggling with an eating disorder the previous year. They said their only obligation was to keep me alive and sent me on my way. I lost my friends in college...then again, now that I think about it, one of them raped me and the other two didn't give a shit about me, even when I told them I had attempted suicide. While I was in the hospital, my floormates were dogsitting for me and they found my suicide note and told my parents, their parents, and all of their friends, who subsequently told all of their friends, and now everyone knows. I really, I just...resent everyone so much. It makes me feel so fucking frustrated. Actually...I just made a million mistakes and I always trust the wrong people and I really just embarrass myself constantly, so I feel that it was all really just because I failed to be normal, or something. It's all so overwhelming and I have so much pent-up anger towards the people I'm supposed to love, but never have loved...I have no connection to anyone or anything, really, and I know I'm not alone in feeling this way, but I do know that there is no one that I have/can find who will care about me. Not being alone isn't enough. I'm supposed to have someone, anyone give a real shit about me, but all my male friends want me for sex, my female friends talk shit, my parents are completely confused and lost, and just everyone else...could never help. I've gone through so many therapists and they have no idea what's happening.
It really seems like everyone in this world is really superficial and I'm tricking myself by thinking life is worth living.
TLDR: I've realized that no one, not even the professionals know how to really help the mentally ill, and I've lost my trust in everyone.
|
self.depression
|
Fuck New Year's Eve For some background, I used to be terribly depressed until a few months ago, for a few years. But I feel that that is going away now. I do not have that constant weight at the back of my mind, but there are still some times when I am brought down. So I don't think the depression has completely gone away but has only reduced.
New Year's Eve has always been a time like that for me. I always feel fucking terrible on New Year's Eve, and the week before it. When I moved to this city for my job, I made a group of friends in training; better friends than I expected. That felt good at the time. But with time, and due to several reasons we drifted apart. It turns out that these "friends" were just flaky. Now even thinking about them makes me angry. Two of them sorta became my best friends here. We still meet from time to time. I had mentioned to them some time back that I hate New Year's Eve, and thinking about what I will be doing or not doing then depresses me. I partially expected a response like, "What are you being so sad about?! We'll have fun together on New Year's." I did not get that. One of them has gone home for New Year's (so I am not that angry at her) and the other one's fucking boyfriend will be probably coming. So now even if she invites me for New Year's Eve, I will feel that's just out of pity, and that's only because she could not come up with better options. And I do not want to be with someone on New Year's who'd rather be with someone else someplace else. (Also, I know that these "friends" I got, I have been dissatisfied with them for some time now. I know that I should go out and make other friends, but I don't know if I have the strength or the social skills to do that right now.)
I had decided that I will look for an orphanage, and volunteer there for some time, and ask them if they plan to have a party for the children on New Year's. Thinking about doing that makes me feel better. But things came up and I did not do that. Now I feel that it's too late, and no one will let me do it on such short notice.
Fuck, I am even avoiding going out now because there are these huge posters and advertisements of New Year's parties. I want this New Year's week to just pass without me or anyone noticing, and get back to my life again, where people don't ask me what I did on 31st night or discuss about their fucking New Year's Eve's awesome parties in which they had oh-so-much-fun.
(Sorry, this was just a rant. I feel slightly better though now that I have vented a bit.)
|
self.depression
|
Every Day Is Hard, Every Year Is Even Harder... [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I've been on 20mg Citralopram for 6 years and recently have had more to severe anxiety. My new doctor upped my dose to 40mg. How should I go about increasing my dose so I get little side affects? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I thought I was over my depression.. not too sure now [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
how do you cope with the feeling of failure? i've given up all hope of trying to improve myself or learn something new. i cant even get myself out of my bed to exercise, draw or write my ideas out. i feel like theres so much people better than me, and that i'll never hold a candle to a decent human being
it all feels so cold
|
self.depression
|
Lately sleeping is the only thing that makes me feel better the dreams I have make me feel alive until I wake up and realize I'm still here with my mess of a life
|
self.depression
|
Hormonal contraceptives and anxiety I just wanted to put this post out there for any fellow female GAD sufferers who are on hormonal contraceptives.
I have been off my hormonal contraceptives for a couple of months now and have noticed a huge relief in my anxiety and depression and a big reduction in the amount of panic attacks I have (it’s gone from one every two days to one every two weeks!) I honestly did not notice the change until this week when my psych reminded me of how far I have come over the past couple of months especially and my housemates told me I seemed so much calmer. I will never use hormonal contraceptives again.
I am not saying this is true for everyone, or that hormonal contraceptives are the cause of anxiety for some people. I understand they do not affect everyone so strongly, but I just wanted to throw this post out there for any women who may not have thought about it as a contributing factor. Just food for thought :)
|
self.Anxiety
|
I need to escape this place Took the trash out. When the bag left my hand I had a brief thought to walk into the highway and just wait. It would destroy so many people but my constant battle with myself would be over, at least I hope. How can I be so miserable when I know there are so many people that love me. Why am I so ungrateful. This world is a big place but there's still not enough space for me to live with myself.
|
self.depression
|
Health anxiety is exhausting. I suffer from some serious health anxiety. For the last few months I actually felt like I had it under control and was able to diffuse any intruding or worrisome thoughts. However, a few days ago a man close to my family had a heart attack and is in critical condition. Ever since then I have been on high alert once again and every single ache I feel I assume the worst. Then I dwell on it and it brings my mood down because I can’t get my fears out of my head. It. Is. Exhausting.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Daylio advice I would like some input into how you use Daylio or other mood tracking applications.
I was using Daylio for a month, super proud because I thought I was tracking my mood twice a day, only to realize I was pressing "meh" 50/60 times because that's my immediate overwhelming feeling whenever I get a stupid notification on my phone.
Needless to say when I checked the first time and saw a straight line, I laughed because my month has been nothing but "steady".
What are the names of your moods?
What are criteria that you would consider in each mood?
What tasks do you use?
Special things to note?
What time do you check in?
Other input?
Other thoughts?
Thanks guys.
|
self.bipolar
|
I have been suicidal for the past 3 weeks and I really should get help but it stresses me [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Get a goddamned job I love you, but your ideas about how the world works when it comes to jobs just drives me nuts. You have a master's in a field no one's heard of, you're pushing 30 and have never had a job or even tried to get one, and you somehow think your education entitles you to something "above" the things you could possibly get?
Yeah, I get it. "I didn't do five years at uni to flip burgers". But you are, apparently, completely fine with me footing the bill for your entire existence? For almost two years now?
Society doesn't owe you shit. You could go to college. That was a privilege bestowed upon you, not some automatic entry into a higher society where you are placed above the basic requirements of being an adult.
Get a goddamned job.
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm hiding it because I care My name is Imran. I am not mentioning my age because it's not important. I am from Malaysia. I hide my feelings, and thoughts from anyone. I didnt want anyone to know what I feel on the inside because if I do, I get criticized, bullied, and insulted. That crushed me. I stopped making youtube videos, and stop posting on instagram. Twitter and Reddit kept me alive (thanks guys).
Suicidal thoughts is infecting a part in my brain. The only way to keep it quarantined are distractions (internet, chores, vgames, friends, etc.). And it worked. It made me happy... for a while. It was today I remembered about it and I cant get it out of me. It's getting worse and worse. I beg someone to help me, please.
-Imran
|
self.depression
|
Things are going my way and I feel like shit I'm about to get a (good) job. I've almost finished my college year and started summer holidays (southern hemisphere). I'm planning a trip with a friend on July. My niece is growing up and is about to start talking. My best friend has been getting better from her depression.
And I feel like fucking shit. Honestly, last month or two I'd been feeling pretty good, without any of this stuff happening. Now all these allegedly great things happen, and I start feeling downright miserable. What the fuck's wrong with me? Jesus.
Granted, there are bad things, but damn I should be happy now. Why is this so goddamn hard?
|
self.depression
|
What do I do if I don't want anything? It seems like the only thing I want is unhappiness and pain. I don't want to do anything in life other than sleep all day and listen to music. All of my responsibilities I neglect because they just don't feel important anymore, even though a small part of me is saying that they still are. What do I do for the rest of my life? Sit back and watch myself ruin my lifestyle and everything around myself? I'm tired of being bored yet not want to do anything. Is the only solution really to get worse and worse until I kill myself?
|
self.depression
|
I wish someone would spend time with me I wish someone would go eat pizza with me, play video games with me, see movies with me, spend time at my house, go to concerts with me, walk around town with me, etc. I feel so alone.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Do you have a stronger sense of smell when you’re hypo? Everything is stinking to me even though my family says they don’t smell anything. I’m almost gagging with the smell of our house. I don’t know if this has anything to do with me being hypo? I’m definitely not pregnant but it is almost the same.
Edit: I notice many of my posts get downvoted to 0 here. If you want me to go away please just tell me and I’ll leave.
|
self.bipolar
|
My phone interview may not have went as well as I wanted it to... Fuck.
|
self.offmychest
|
I think people close to me are fed up with my Anxiety sh!t Sorry for the vulgar title, but that's exactly how I feel right now.
I have ocd with health related anxieties. It gets the best of me. I am on therapy and medication. And I also do a lot self work. I tend to speak about my issues with my bf, friends and family. Especially when I am having panic attacks, I tend to talk about my problems. I fully understand that everyone has their own life and problems to deal with, but recently two people close to me told me that they can't discuss every time about my stuff. And it's ok, I get it. But I feel horrible right now. I feel like a burden to people and that they will leave me one day cause of my stupid ocd. Sometimes they hear me and they don't say something cause they can't really help me. I know they can't. I have to help myself. And I try, but I am not there yet. Sorry if I bothered you as well.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I constantly ruminate and rethink social interactions over and over in my mind. Anyone else can relate? I've been like this since- forever, actually.
|
self.Anxiety
|
mental visuals? I don't know if this is a bipolar thing or not since I've never seen anyone mention this, but in the last few months I've noticed that when I start feeling depressed again I get like a sort of scene or visual in my head. For example, once the feeling is just about to set in I'll all of a sudden get this visual in my head where it's all black and I see myself in the middle and I'm on my knees sobbing and I can kind of hear it as well, which is the worst part. It's not like I'm seeing this as if it's an object in front of me or hearing it like music playing in front of me it's just... playing in my head sort of in the background? The visuals I guess are weird. It's not like I'm thinking about seeing this, it just pops up and then I feel worse. Today it happened but it wasn't my typical sobbing scene with crying sounds, it was just me on my knees in a black room unable to get myself up. I don't know what this is, but it can be a bit intrusive. Especially if I'm in public or something and feel like I'm hearing sobbing in my head. Sorry if I'm rambling, but has anyone experienced anything like this or know what it is? It's kind of hard to explain. Maybe it's just a weird new coping mechanism or something, but I find it kind of weird and again, it can get intrusive.
|
self.bipolar
|
SSRI's helped anyone with heart palpitations? First time post here. Really love the sub and everyone here is supportive and helpful.
So for the past year or so I have been struggling with heart palpitations/heart skipping beats then rapid heartbeats. Went to the emergency room once over it and it felt like I was having a heart attack/stroke. Tests came back negative. I've had full blood work up, wires strapped to my chest, worn a holter monitor and had an echocardiogram. All came back normal. My cholesterol levels are good. Haven't done a stress cardiogram, but doctor's suggested an anxiety issue. Although, to be honest , I don't feel like I really have an anxiety issue. I'm a pretty laid back guy. But I'm learning that anxiety conditions can be very elusive.
So, my doctor started me on a low dose of Lexapro. While I was on it, I experienced no heart palpitations or other strange anomalies. I was surprised. However, I stopped taking it over experiencing terrible nightmares. Palpitations returned. Decided months later to give Lexapro another shot to help with the palpitations. Once again the palpitations ceased and the night terrors returned. Quit Lexapro and the weird heart stuff has started up again.
Has anyone here successfully treated their heart palpitations/issues with an SSRI? I think I need to work through the nightmares and sleep troubles as I've heard they get better after 3 months. I've just never made it past 90 days of taking it.
Thanks for any input.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Venting: intense regrettable moment So I keep to my 31/M, I don’t try to date or have an sort of relationships it’s just too much since I can’t be emotionally stable or reliable plus I just don’t want to be wrapped up in that.
Sometimes when I get super depressed or get somewhat manic tendencies starting to manifest I tend to crave touch & become more sexual. Before I was diagnosed Bipolar I had an issue with Casual Encounters off Back Page or Strip Clubs. Never sex only lap dances or a HJ.
So the other day I went to a strip a club, only took in $60, enough for a dance or two and a Diet Coke. But the girl offered a HJ for $60, the worst part was I didn’t enjoy it, I basically had to tell her to stop. Because my body wasn’t having any of it. I don’t know if it was my meds or my being in my own head or what. I literally at one point shut my eyes and thought about something else. And it wasn’t like the stripper wasn’t cute, it was something going on with me.
|
self.bipolar
|
Will the pain ever stop I'm so physically exhausted from feeling this way all the time. I'm 23, and I have BPD, depression and most likely an ED (I don't have an official diagnosis- but I'm pretty sure that a cycle of bingeing/purging/restricting is a pretty clear indicator).
I have no access to treatment or therapy due to both a lack of funds and no health insurance. I feel like I've slipped through the cracks of the system and that nobody really cares about my mental health and well being. I've tried to reach out to friends and family about my issues, and it's been met with "oh, sorry you feel that way" and a topic change. I hate constantly being brushed off, like do I even matter? I want to start getting better, and I just don't know how.
I hate feeling disgusted with how I look, and that I can't form any healthy relationships, and staying in bed all day because I don't have the will to get up. I feel so alone, and I don't know what to do.
|
self.depression
|
whats even the point when people find you insufferable.
it hurts. I'm in tears right now, and I wish people just tell me what's exactly wrong with me instead of acting distant or cold to me.
|
self.depression
|
It took me 4 years but I did it. It took me 4 to make a 5 minute phone call. A phone call regarding to set up an initial appointment to a cardiologist. Its been years since ive seen a cardiologist. I havent gone because I didnt give a shit but I kinda give a shit now. Probably not tomorrow but I give a shit for now.
Why are the simplest of things so hard even when your life/quality of life depends on it?
|
self.bipolar
|
I love her, but I'm obsessed. I have to stop things here for my own good In my post history you'll find a post saying I'm lonely. Saying I barely have friends and I want people to talk to. That was a year ago, and oh my God so many things have changed.
I have a girlfriend. I love her. We don't see each other much but we had fun together in the last months. But I became obsessed. I knew I was obsessed and tried working on it but found no solution. I would always check to see if she texted me, and I had huge anxiety just talking to her on the phone because I always wanted her approval. And it hurt. It's painful. I am not myself anymore, or at least not what I used to be. I'm doing stupid decisions to try to please her. I lie, I go around, I do anything I can to hide my flaws... And as shitty it is to admit, I had more "bad times" in the relationship than I had good times (and it's my own fault. My obsession and anxiety caused that. She really is a wonderful girl and I'm very sorry I have to end it because of my problems).
This weekend she's coming home after I haven't seen her in a long, long time. And I'm going to have to tell her that that's it. I'm nervous, but more than that, in truly sad. I want all the good in the world for her and she deserves love and happiness, and I'm going to make her so sad... I wish I wouldn't but there's really no other way. I have to work on my problems. I can't go on like this.
I'm sorry. I love you. You made me cry more than anyone else ever could. You were my first gf and my first kiss, and I thank you for wonderful times together and caring and loving. I wish it wouldn't be this way but I have to do this. I love you.
|
self.offmychest
|
Might be without anti-depressants for four months I am new here so I hope this is alright :) So I was talking to a friend about study abroad because I am going to Japan next fall and she told me they are very strict about meds (the adhd meds she takes is illegal to bring in the country) so I might not be able to take my anti-depressants. I was really looking forward to Japan and the fact that I wouldn’t have to deal with panic attacks and anxiety as much while I was adjusting to living there because I am on anti-depressants now. But that might not be the case and I am genuinely worried now. I gotta research and such but I am really sad about this and also hating being myself and hating to be reliant on meds. Like I am on sleeping meds that keep me from having sleep paralysis and then regular anti-depressants for the day. Why do I have to be me.
|
self.depression
|
I’m arriendo to break up with my boyfriend because of how depressed he is and im scored he my kill himself. I’m 15 and he’s 16. We’ve been dating for about 10 months(with a few weeks of a temporary break up). He’s kinda insane and he’s also really not that good of a guy (except to me). He has a lot of mental issues and i hate that i want to leave but it’s weighing down on me so much that I’m almost depressed. He’s also kind of awful to be around. I want to be there for him, but I’m so miserable. The last time we broke up he was in such a bad state that he hit an all time depression low and was probably pretty close to suicide. I’m terrified of what will happen to him once he leaves, and the sad thing is that I know exactly what will happen if I do. He’ll go into a constant state of depression, anxiety, and panic attacks until he inevitably kills himself. He has two other good friends but they are also terribly depressed (including one who is a girl my age who literally knows exactly when she’s going to die due to some disease which has depressed her as well). He does see a therapist but I fear it’s simply not enough. I don’t know if or how to get out, so I need all the advice I can get. Please, please help me.
|
self.depression
|
Do you ever wish You could just die peacefully in your sleep. No struggling, no planning, no guilt for leaving family members? Sometimes I lie awake in bed at night and just pray I won't wake up.
|
self.depression
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.