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Do you ever get irrationality & momentarily angry at close friends for imaginary wrongs and then it passes? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Not happy or sad. I just exist. I’ve been really depressed. 5 years ago I hated everything about myself, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, the whole shebang. It lasted about a year and then gradually got easier. I wasn’t always “happy” but there were some good periods in between then and now.
I don’t understand what I’m feeling right now. It’s more of a nothing. I don’t want to do anything and I don’t get enjoyment out of anything. I get bored with a 30 minute tv show. But the whole overwhelming depression feeling is missing for the most part. Im quick to tears and have periods where I’m completely overwhelmed but mostly I just kind of float along. I’m just completely uninterested in life. I’m at a point where I’m pretty much doing nothing in my free time.
Maybe I’m looking for an excuse with why I’m unhappy with my life again. Like “it’s not me, it’s depression”. I don’t want to end up where I was but then at least I’d know what was going on. I’m not happy right now either. I want to do more than simply exist.
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self.depression
|
Anxiety newby struggling Hi,
I'm 33 and I've never had problems with anxiety until about 10 days ago. I don't know what's triggered it but for the past week and a half I've been freaking out about the inevitability of death and it's overwhelming. I've been tense, panicky and on edge 24/7. I'm having trouble eating. My heart races, I get tingly hands and a prickly scalp. I've had a couple of panic attacks where I start hyperventilating. I try to distract myself from negative thoughts but I only ever manage it temporarily and it keeps coming back. I'm really scared that I'm going to feel this way for ever. I just wanted to share this in the hope that someone out there can give me some advice or just let me know I'm not alone.
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self.Anxiety
|
My sister’s pregnant... tw: pregnancy, miscarriage, superstition(?) My sister is 5 months pregnant with her first child. I have this horrible gut feeling she’s not going to make it to term. I’ve had this feeling twice before with family members who were pregnant. They both ended up having miscarriages. This might not be the best platform to talk about this but need to say it somewhere.
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self.Anxiety
|
finished uni.. now i'm lost. so last week i finished university. i was the first in my family to go so i had so much expectation that i would pass, get a good job and make a bazzillion dollars. i hated my major.
I didn't get into a grad programme. I'm unemployed. my grades were crap (2.3 GPA) and i will not get a job in my major.
i have to find something so i can go and study my passion part time.
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self.offmychest
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Calling into work So long story short, I have called in to work due to my anxiety and panic attacks a couple of times over the past two months. It’s definitely not something I’m proud of nor do I want to continue with this pattern. I’m looking into counseling and what not, but my question is this: If you have talked to your managers about your anxiety, what did you say to them?
One of my coworkers suggested that I talk to my manager and I guess I’m just so anxious to talk about my anxiety with my manager!!!
Any help is appreciated!!
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self.Anxiety
|
Depressed from online gaming/dating So, I met a girl in an online game. We got really close as our conversations got deeper and beyond the game. We added each other in Steam. Things are going well. We played together quite a bit. A few days later I find out that she's already in a relationship. She tells me this at the last minute and tells me she wasn't expecting that I would become all lovey-dovey with her, and that it all happened so quickly, even though she even returned the same feelings and further provoked me to feel this way. I felt used and in so much pain and depressed, but I try to get over her.
A few weeks go by, I meet another girl online in a game. This girl was amazing. So soft-spoken voice, kind, gentle, intelligent and so nurturing. She filled me with so much happiness and allowed me to completely forget about the first girl and the pain. She asked me things like, "Have you eaten today? If I were there, I'd make sure you have" and "Do you want me to help you or do anything with you today?" in unmistakably genuine interest. She gave me undivided attention. Unlike most men, I honestly find clingy type women more attractive and romantically stable/secure for my personal needs, and this is exactly how she personified. She adored the hell out of me and I always felt so special having her follow me around all over the place or just sit there staring at me. It was so amazing it felt too good to be true. Sure enough, a few days later, she starts distancing herself from me. Taking longer than usual to respond to messages, and declining game invites that she had quickly accepted before. I felt like I had done something wrong or something even though I didn't. Literally over night, things were perfect. She was my one and only playmate and then she turned away completely. I asked if we still had a thing, and she basically told me no. I asked if she wanted me to leave her a lone, and she told me yes. I was absolutely CRUSHED. I didn't know what to do. I logged off, balled up and cried my eyes dry. I had to defriend her the next day because merely seeing her name sent me on a spine-chilling crying frenzy. I couldn't believe how quickly we went from having an amazing time together to a giant wall stopping all interaction between us.
I became so depressed to the point where I cried myself to sleep. I am so lonely... Online games and communities are the only way that I can really meet with people of similar interests. I don't have a social life outside of that, because its full of people that will look at me strange if I were to share my interests. "Normies", in other words. Not to mention, being social IRL is not something I'm particularly amazing at. Despite making these efforts to find and make friends online, and possibly find someone special to hold as I am a hopeless romantic looking for his soulmate, it's been a rollercoaster of feeling amazing at the top, to feeling isolated and confused as things slowly turn downhill, to feeling completely abandoned, unloved, unwanted, and miserable at the bottom. One minute you're receiving so much loving and affection, and then bam. All of that good happiness is ripped straight out of your very existence.
I am so depressed and lonely.... I'm most likely going to bounce out of this in a week or two. This isn't my first or second rodeo, I've been getting these rejections for years. But the 2nd girl really hurt me badly. She was one of the most perfect ones I've met so far....and now she is just a memory I do not want to keep...
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self.depression
|
Why am I more confident and excited at evening? I feel like i can do better than this, and I know how to do it etc.
In morning i feel like world hates me I have no interest in anything.
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self.depression
|
Over 6 months I somehow downgraded my 2yr relationship to fling-status. SO thinks he's overthinking. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I have my first Therapy session on Monday, and I am nervous. Has therapy helped you guys?
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self.depression
|
I feel scared and am shivering. Is this anxiety? I've recently been feeling bursts of profound fear for no particular reason. I would describe it as a feeling that there's a predator nearby, and I'm left terrified for a period of time. As far as I can tell, there's nothing causing my feelings of fear, but they often take place at night. I haven't seen any scary movies as of late, and I don't have any other explanation as to why I would suddenly feel in danger. Yesterday, I felt too afraid to close my eyes when washing my face even though logically I knew there was nothing to be afraid of.
I have experienced what I believe to be anxiety before where coming out of the shower, there was a tightness in my chest area and I felt... well anxious. Those episodes have come to pass. These feelings of fear are quite different. I physically feel in danger.
Moreover, in the day I sometimes find myself shivering when not cold, and I just have this overwhelming feeling that something isn't quite right. This is separate from the fear... I guess you would call it just general unsettledness.
If anyone has any opinions, I'd love to hear them! I'm having a hard time being productive and feel uncomfortable despite the fact that I've tried to stay relaxed these past few days.
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self.Anxiety
|
Why SSRIs vs Buspar for anxiety? I wrote a similar topic on the /r/SSRIs subreddit, but I am curious why doctors often go immediately to SSRIs vs buspar when treating anxiety only.
My first P doc tried to put me on Lexapro and I said hell no. My second had me on Xanax "as needed" (which ended up being 1-2 times a week) and all it did was help me sleep well and give me rebound anxiety (with some muscle twitches).
After telling her, she has me on buspar now and said it was a better option as "it is weight neutral, it doesn't hurt sexual function and doesn't give you brain zaps".
Doing more research online shows that it seems to have a lot less sides than SSRIs.
I've been on it a few days now (starting off at 7.5mg once a day and eventually taking 15mg twice a day) and all I have felt from it was light-headed for about an hour and then perfectly functional.
Just curious if you have tried Buspar and why (or why not) you stopped taking it and why you think docs push these SSRIs on everyone so quickly when an alternative with less sides may help first.
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm always anxious when I'm alone with my friend [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
"If you think too much in the past you get depressed, if you think too much in the future you get anxious" I CANNOT GET MYSELF TO DO ANYTHING !!
I have zero motivation I think. So I can get up, get dressed, clean myself, eat all that stuff. However, that’s pretty much all I can. Other than that I just sit on the internet all day. I have interests but I spend more time thinking about them rather than actually doing them. Or when I do try I get frustrated and overwhelmed and shutdown. I can barley do my school work either. I feel stuck.
I’m always thinking about my past and what I could have done better or I’m thinking about my future and afraid of failure. I feel paralyzed I can’t doing anything remotely productive to better my life. One of my family members said it best “ you are useless douche that takes up space.” “Why don’t you do something else other than stare at your phone and watching porn all day.”
Fuck my life I’m going to end up failing out of college living with my parents working a minimum wage job until they die. Then I’ll be homeless. I may as well just kill myself. I’m a dumb piece of shit barley passing my classes wasting my parents money, putting my self and debt. Fml I can’t take it anymore.
Sorry for the poor grammar I’m retard.
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self.depression
|
What was the last thing to pick you up ? I am feeling the lowest I have ever felt and I am scared of slipping towards suicide but at the moment I am digging in and pushing on. What was your lowest moment and how did you keep going ?
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self.depression
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How to keep pushing? I'm 22 and work 2 jobs. Antisocial, people talk about random things that I really don't care about. People can tell that idgaf what they're talking about, so they avoid me. I'm an alcoholic, I drink every day after work because my stomach kills me from depression and anxiety. I have a girlfriend who lives hours away from me who lives in a controlling environment, so I can't see her until I meet certain conditions. I'm trying to meet those conditions but It'll take some time (financial). Only thing is, I'm obviously a rebound and she still cries about her ex. So that makes me feel great. I'm really not interested in anything, and all I can think about is killing myself, I'm bipolar and this shit has been like this for a very long time. So what the fuck is the point of being here?
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self.depression
|
Plastic surgery is no different than any other form of self improvement It may be expensive, but besides that it's just another way of improving yourself. The idea that one needs to visit a psychiatrist just because they can accept that they're lacking in the looks department and thinking about plastic surgery is ridiculous. Should an overweight person be classified as mentally ill because they want to lose weight? Should a man be told to 'get help' because he wants to change his hairstyle? What about a woman who decides to get newer, better fitting clothes?
Plastic surgery is too looked down upon in many help subs like this one even though it's likely to help most incels greatly - both with their self confidence and their romantic life. There's nothing wrong with saying that someone should get plastic surgery, just as there's nothing wrong with saying that a person ought to lose weight or get a haircut. Having a population in this sub that, in general, understands this will immensely help us as a sub as we go forward and develop into something more.
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self.depression
|
I really don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I’m a 28yrs old BP2. About 8 months in quetiapine (instant release) 300mg. The only bad thing about it was the 12 hours sedation didn’t disappear. 3 days ago I switched to the Extended release( Seroquel XR). I feel sleepy all day since then.
Really don’t know what to do with my life. I still can’t back to working. The social anxiety and low self esteem is really punching me in the face. I only had 1 year of work experience ever since I graduated college. And the work I did there isn’t really conpetitive work for today’s industry standards.Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware that I shouldn’t be slacking off in life. Everyday I always have that thought that hey you should be working, you need the money, and you’re nearing 30 yrs old now, you still don’t have a career (and having a college degree of fine arts is not helping either. this field of ours is not very “rewarding” in terms of money and employment).
Being a BP2 everyday of your life is a huge monsterto battle in itself, and then the thought of taking expensive medicine for my condition, which STILL gives me a hard time is not really helping. I really don’t know whatthe purpose of my life is. I really wish I wasn’t born, because it seems I was born to suffer.
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self.bipolar
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I try so hard to be positive For the past few years I’ve pretty much let depression take over my life. I isolated almost everyone, for 3 academic years my attendance was around 70%, I didn’t ever do schoolwork and spent all my time cooped up wasting time. I ate crap, I self harmed all the time and didn’t even try to get clean, I smoked all the time even though I was barely a teenager (I’m 15 right now), i didn’t take care of myself at all or even make an effort to be happy and had a suicidal bout every 2 months or so.
This academic year I wanted to change. I have some pretty major exams coming up so I couldn’t really afford to fuck around and I didn’t want to spend my life being miserable and apathetic towards everything all the time. I was doing well to begin with. I set up some goals- I’d devote as much time as I could to school and my hobbies, I’d make new friends and get over my social anxiety- but then I seemingly inevitably fell into another depression. My attendance for my courses is now almost 50%, I’ve picked up drugs as well as smoking and drinking almost every night by myself, I’ve drifted even further away from my one friend. I found a friendship group that I fitted in with quite well but to my fucking luck they all got expelled before I had the chance to properly get to know them. I’ve recently found out that I’m failing pretty much all of my classes because of my attendance and all of my teachers and peers hate me. I pretty much never practice my hobbies any more and don’t even care that I spend all my time doing nothing. I spend all my time thinking about killing myself and honestly at this point I’m surprised I haven’t done it yet.
It’s not like I’m still not trying. I try to talk to people to get to know people in my school but I have nothing in common with anyone and I’m too socially retarded to hold a conversation with a stranger. I try to pull myself together to not fuck up my education and my life but I always end up spending days in bed instead of going to my lessons. I’ve tried being positive but it always results in failure.
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Maybe I’m just inherently lazy and self destructive. I want everything to be okay and I know I’m the only person who can fix everything but I guess I’m just incapable.
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self.depression
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What kind of planner do you use? I have a Happy Planner but it's getting to the end. I wish it had more room.
When. I do use a planner I get super detailed.
I also miss months at a time using it because that's just how I am...
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self.bipolar
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Cause of anxiety not at all related to the panic attack/anxiety triggers? Hi guys....
So my best friend mentioned to me today if I’d thought about the fact that my anxiety may be due to my boyfriend and I recently switching over to a long distance relationship.
I can see what she means because my anxiety HAS increased drastically the past 6 months, which is the timespan where my boyfriend has been living far away.
And although I’m thinking lots about him, there are nothing to worry about - we have an amazing relationship. But I still DO spend a lot of time thinking of him.
BUT, my anxiety attack triggers are not at ALL related to my boyfriend... My anxiety comes when I’m eating food and I’m afraid of getting nauseaus afterwards... and also I can’t stand feeling like I’m trapped... like in a train, bus, car, theatre etc...
But my question is: Can my anxiety have it’s roots in something, that isn’t at all related to my triggers?
Hope it makes sense.... Thanks
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self.Anxiety
|
I feel like I'm being made a villain simply because of the opinions of people that don't actually know me I mean, it's one element to this ongoing, unresolved situation that continues to eat at me.
I suddenly became a source of stress for one of my closest friends and all I can figure is that a big piece is that their opinion of me was altered by them talking to others about me. Things were great and we were there for each other. Even after the development of feelings on one side that were immediately deemed undesired, things were fine.
And then I became toxic from venting about my issues, I know that now, but all I needed was a good, figurative slap in the face to snap me out of it. Instead, I was allowed to continue my spiral until it was too much for them. At that point, they consulted their friends and family who don't know me instead of simply approaching me. In response, they received the advice that I should be dropped from their life.
In the terms of being toxic, I understand but it was more than that. Things that I did innocently or were normal for us were suddenly viewed negatively. It's like they laid out our friendship for others to see and it was torn apart to be analyzed in a way that altered my friend's perception of me.
That was months ago and we talked everything out yet here we are again back in this boat. This time I know two of their friends don't like me or are apprehensive because I'm a source of stress to our mutual friend. Do they consider the fact that I don't know I'm a source of stress because it is being communicated to everyone else except me?
These are people that don't really know me well yet they are changing our mutual friend's opinion of me because a large part of what they learn about me is stuff said in moments of frustration.
The concerning part, now that I think about it, is when we resolved things the first time we went down this path, one of the things my friend got mad at me over was the fact that I would share my frustrations about them to them. Isn't that something that friends should be able to do? "You keep doing this thing that is bugging me. Is there something that can be done about it?"
We all take issue with friends from time to time and we often talk to others about those issues but why is it bad to talk to the friend directly about them? That is the only way something has a chance to change after all.
Sorry, this is all a bit disjointed. It's late and I just needed to get it out.
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self.offmychest
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Newly married, with a daughter from previous relationship Not sure if this is the right sub so if there's a better one please let me know!
My husband and I got married in August of this year. Before that we lived 6 hours apart so we would travel to see each other on the weekends.
I have a 6 year old daughter who goes to her dads every other weekend and one night a week. Every weekend that she is gone, my husband and I argue. When she is here everything is great! I know it's my fault, I worry about her when she is gone and the free time makes me think of every little thing that bothers me. It also causes him to be on gaurd so when I try to be positive he still thinks I'm gonna be mad....and then it backfires.
Has anyone else been through this? What do you do to make sure you and your spouse will enjoy the time you have together just the two of you without your anxiety getting in the way?
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm 21 and I still post depressing crap I feel like I need to grow up. I'm constantly feeling suicidal/depressed and I don't have anything positive to say or post. No one talks to me, my best friends don't even talk to me anymore. I am wasting my life, just sitting around in self pity hoping I'll die. I don't have the energy to try anymore, this battle just seems endless. I just wish someone would talk to me, give me some hope that it'll get better.
The irony is that I'm still now posting depressing crap, just anonymously.
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self.depression
|
I don't know how to feel right now. I have SAD. Every winter, my emotions get the better of me. I feel lonely even though I don't have a reason to feel alone. So I started using Tinder. A couple of matches, a couple of one sentence 'conversations', a few 'I really like your hair' and that was it. Until I matched with this dude.
I've been chatting with someone on Tinder for over a week now, and we're still having great convo's. He keeps up the conversation, even when I don't feel like talking. I finally took the plunge and I asked him out yesterday, but he had something else to do and he was low on money, so we postponed it.
My ex. We never had bad feelings toward eachother. The only reason we broke up was that I didn't have time to see him anymore. It was a long-distance relationship and when we were dating I was out of a job and wasn't studying. I got accepted to a bachelor later that year, and my studies were too time consuming to be able to see him. One week he came to my place, the other I went to his. We kept this up until I just couldn't anymore. We had one final get-together, had the best sex ever and went our separate ways...
So last night I dreamt about my ex. I was on my way to work when I saw him at the train station. When I woke up, I decided to find our facebook conversations from waaay back when. Turns out, it's exactly 6 years ago that we met. What the hell, brain? Why you do this?!
So, I tell my Tinder-match about all this. To my surprise, he doesn't suddenly stop talking to me. He asks me about my ex, how we met, how we got together, how long ago we broke up, everything. I seriously don't know how to respond. I don't know what to think of this. I just don't know... I haven't responded to his last 3 messages. The last message I saw was half an hour ago. It was his phone number.
I haven't had a proper relationship since I broke up with my ex 5 years and 3 months ago. Every winter since, thoughts of him come flooding back into my mind. I don't think I ever properly let go of him. I never felt the same way about others. He was my first. And best. But that just might be my mind playing tricks on me.
I seriously don't know how to feel now that Tinderdude sent me his phone number. I've been crying all day and think I've set myself up for disappointment because I opened up to him, making myself look like an overly emotional, depressed, and overly attached something. I'm scared that if we meet up, I will either not talk at all or only talk about how sad and lonely I am. I don't want him to think that I'm always a mess like this. I don't want him to pity me. I don't want anyone to pity me.
I just need some encouragement. Life isn't all bad, right? Right?!
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self.offmychest
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I don't how to make it through the day... Today marks exactly 6 months. 6 months since Tim, the love of my life and fiancé, died. I was the one to find his body that morning, in a chair on the porch. When I first saw him, I thought for a fraction of a second that he was sleeping. How quickly I realized that he wasn't.
Tim was a beautiful soul. Everything I had ever wanted in a relationship. Not perfect by any means, but perfect for me. Kind, funny, nerdy, quirky. I had fallen for him so quickly when we met. Our first date, meant only to be coffee and a get-to-know-each-other casual chat, quickly turned into coffee, and a 2 hour hike through a local park with his puppy. Followed by lunch at a food truck, then more talking, and cooking dinner together at his place. 11 o'clock ice cream, and suddenly I had spent all weekend with him. I have never been happier and more content in a relationship.
The week he passed started normally. He took me to work Monday morning, then went to work himself, as a contracted laborer. We talked on and off throughout the day, and while he was waiting to pick me up, mentioned that he had fallen off a stepladder. I immediately asked if he was ok. He said he was and when I met up with him, he seemed fine. His usual happy, energetic, loving self. The next day progressed in the same way, until I got off work, and he never showed up to pick me up. Although I wasn't worried at first, when 45 minutes, then an hour passed with no contact and him not showing I began to panic.
I called his roommate, then his boss looking for him. Turns out, he had not been feeling well, and passed out in the driveway of the home he was working in. His boss didn't call an ambulance or take him to the hospital, instead just brought him back to the apartment. When he got back, I immediately noticed symptoms of a concussion/head injury...confusion, loss of balance, dizziness, sleepiness, repeated vomiting, and memory loss. I insisted he go to the hospital, argued with him over it, he wouldn't go because he had no insurance and insisted he'd be fine. It was on Thursday morning, when I got to the apartment to meet him before work, that I found him. My brain quickly realized he was gone, beyond help, but I couldn't accept it. I pushed at him repeatedly, yelling his name and screaming at him to wake up, even though the voice in the back of my head told me it was useless. Living people don't have that grayish yellow tinge to their skin; they breathe and respond. It took a couple minutes before I could process enough to go wake his roommates and shout for them to call an ambulance. Even 6 months later, I cannot get the image of his body out my brain.
For so long after that morning, I was broken. I couldn't stop crying, food made my stomach turn, I wanted to do nothing but sleep, but sleep wouldn't come. When it did, it was filled with nightmares. Terrifying dreams where all I could see was him as he was the morning he died. I lost 10 pounds in a week, because I simply didn't care enough or have the energy to eat. My soulmate was gone, dead, and I wanted to die too, just so I wouldn't *hurt* anymore.
At first we all assumed Tim had died due to the fall. His symptoms were concurrent with a traumatic brain injury. He didn't do drugs or drink, and only ever smoked cigarettes and a little weed. The toxicology report came to us in August - mixed drug intoxication, it read. Hydrocodone was in his system, something I had already known he had taken, on Wednesday morning for pain. But also present was fentanyl, a tiny dose of it. After much racking my brain, and talking to therapists and doctors, we have determined that it is most likely he took something offered to him for pain, that was tainted and he didn't know it.
My emotions throughout all this and especially today have run the gamut. My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD. I have felt so overwhelmed for so long. The nightmares persist even now. I cry frequently. Have panic attacks if I cannot contact someone when we have plans. I cried myself to sleep for the umpteenth time last night, and spent this morning numb and quiet and crying before I had to leave for work. I am still so heartbroken. Confused. Empty. Angry. Lonely. I can't focus on my work this morning, not when every thought is of a person who I cannot even go home and hug after a long day.
I miss everything about him. His face, his long hair. His glasses, the way he always appeared to wink at you because he squinted so frequently. The freckles on his cheek in the shape of the Little Dipper. I miss having sex with him. Sleeping next to him. His nickname for me, Mehohta, and the way he always used to tell me "I love you, Mrs. Fishinghawk." I can't do this anymore.
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self.offmychest
|
Worst Night I don't know what to do or say anymore, I want to write something long but I cannot do it. I am slipping down into the inescapable hole, I just don't know what to do. It is night time and I am feeling the worst I have felt in years. Am I screaming into a brick wall? Please tell me otherwise. Goodnight and sorry for the incoherent text. Goodnight.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm 28 and failed my driver's license exam for the sixth time. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Good websites or PC programs for tracking moods/cycles? I'm looking to start tracking my moods/bipolar cycles so I can see if they may be related to another issue I'm having.
Can anyone recommend good websites or PC software for that? I don't have a phone, so *please* don't recommend apps I can't run on my laptop.
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self.bipolar
|
I'm sorry world, I'm sorry society. This is going to be long but.
I'm a senior in high school, I get decent grades and my top priority is keeping those decent grades to graduate-- but, so far everything coming up along with grades, graduation and its heavy expenses are killing me emotionally. I don't want to dissapoint my parents, I don't want to be scared of my future but I am. I'm scared of failing in what I want to do. I looked up several things about what I want to do, I want to be an illustrator, but I never have the time for my art because of the stress that's killing me. And I think that what I want to do won't pay enough and I'll just leech off my parents which I never, ever want to do. I want to be happy and successful so I can be proud of myself and my family can be proud of me. But I'm not the best sibling rolemodel, I'm not the most outgoing, and I'll easily dissapoint. If I don't succeed in the future, I think I might just [[go]]-- but i think i'll hurt everyone if I do. I'm stuck and i'm overthinking everything, and even though I've been told that to take everything one piece at a time, I'll never believe it. I'm useless. I'm useless but I have to stay here. I'm crying and its 1 am and I have school. I can't breathe. I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Daddy Issues (long post) Yes, I have daddy issues. Yes, I do not want to have people getting close to me for a long time to come exactly because of that. But you know? Nobody cares about that. What matters is that you're a "worthless piece of meat” if you have said issues, no matter if your father was abusive or something like that. What matters is that, somehow, your value is measured through how you cope up with these problems and if you know how to stay shut as to not make a fucker who just sees you as a piece of meat feel guilty, bad or even annoyed by your life story.
I admit, I was not abused by my father. But I saw my mother go through emotional abuse caused by him. I saw him being a neglectful father both with me and my brother - *especially* my brother -, and ended up, years later, noticing how my own brother and my goddamn dog who died when I was 1 month to turn 10 were more of paternal figures than he ever dreamed of being. I see games where you play as a good paternal figure and feel bad, feel like crying, because I know my father was never like that - and apparently, won't be.
My father was married before meeting my mother. When they met, he was already divorced. Mom believed he was a good father, as, whenever they went on a date on the mall or such, he'd bring his children from the other marriage. Turns out, as we found out later, he just brought them exactly to pose as the "good dad": the children from the previous marriage were even more neglected than we ever were. Unfortunately, they hate both me and my brother and put the blame on us for "not having a paternal figure on their lives".
As if we had one when he was present.
Today, he decided to be the liar he always was again. For over 4 months, I've been playing cool, as if I didn't notice, but today was hard to do that; in front of me, he acts like he's oh such a good guy, as if I have a short memory, as if years of negligence and bad personality could be fixed in a few weeks. He has the habit of mumbling under his breath to say bad things about us when he's angry now; today, I heard him doing it again against my mother and me.
"Why don't you fucking say it out loud so I can hear what you're saying, then?!"
Minutes later, as I'm on my room reading around (that's the only thing I've been remembering to do, reading, because otherwise my body simply [i]forgets[/i] anything else I need to do, and I already feel useless because of that) and he decides to come by and ask if I'm "angry at him" and that he wants to talk. Seventeen entire years that I am inside this godforsaken house, and he only wants to talk when he's bothered by the fact if I'm angry at him or not. It didn't matter if I was going through a mental breakdown, when I was legitimately having something similar to an epileptic attack mixed with panic, or if I was feeling so bad I didn't even want to get out of bed; no, his only concerns are around what I feel about *him*, and still, I need to be blatantly obvious about it for him to wonder about it.
I decided to try to explain. Tried to explain how he'd try to buy my affection with objects instead of being truly affectionate like he should've been, how he wouldn't ask even what me or my brother liked before spending an amount of money we didn't have on stuff we didn't even need nor like, how he'd mistreat my mother and that'd be much more painful than anything else he'd done, of how the only paternal figure I had left the house because he fucking couldn't stand my father being such a bastard both with him and with my mother, and how that's painful to me... and yet, he says that I can't see everything he'd done for me, for my mother, for my brother. How we're all being unjust, how we're all a hive mind who try to witch hunt him, to make him be seen as the worst, when all along he was *a victim*.
He's not aware my brother left the house because he was being a massive idiot. He's not aware *on purpose*, because whenever my brother went back to visit my mother and I and check if we were okay, he'd refuse to even talk to my brother.
He's not aware that my mom wanted her second child to be a girl, because she felt so disgusted, so bitter, and so awful of the way he treated my brother. My brother didn't like getting into unnecessary fights from a young age, and to him, that was shameful. When my brother refused to get back on the boys who lived on the same street as us when they called him slurs and kicked him, because he was aware of his own strength and feared that he could damage them to a breaking point, my father himself started to kick him and say that "he wouldn't accept a son of his to be a sissy like that".
My father refused to let my mother take my brother on an speech-language therapist simply because he had to "be a man and solve his problems himself", clearly telling her to fuck off with that idea. As a result, my brother has speech pattern problems and extreme difficulty to type, as well as read, even getting to the point of dyslexia, because of that, and he refused to acknowledge that it was because of him.
He thinks my dislike for him is nonsensical. That the fact that I haven't lived a long life already is reason enough to say that I'm being dramatic. It's always the same mindset of "if she has daddy issues, she's not worth anything".
He says I should be able to trust him and tell him my problems, to talk with him. But he likes to forget that, when he was home and I tried to talk with him, even at the early age of 3, he didn't give a shit to what I tried to say. Television was more important, and it still is. Yet, when I mention this, he says that I do the same by staying on the phone or in front of the computer screen.
He forgets the times I didn't do any and he still did that. He also forgets that I have perfectly fine talks with my mother everyday out of the cellphone, too focused on his television to even notice what's going on around him. He only cares about what happens around him if it has something to do with himself.
Things have gotten on such a state that my mother and I need to leave the house just to be able to talk without him snooping around. We feel like we don't have privacy anymore, because he's constantly paying attention to see if we're saying something bad about him. And well, most of our complains indeed do have something to do with him: even if we deal with other people, he's the one who's ruining our life the most.
My mother cannot wait to sell the house and divorce. And I cannot wait, either.
I wish I could explain the feelings I have on a better depth; but I can't. I can't bring myself to explain everything that I feel in a proper manner. And hell, I'm almost certain that anyone reading this will accuse me of being dramatic as well. That's all people do all the time whenever I complain, and it's always the "if so many people complain, it's because you're being dramatic indeed" fallacy against me. But if something way weaker than what's going on in my house happens to them, I need to be understanding and can't even say anything similar to that.
I have daddy issues, just like many other people do. And just like them, my issues aren't from the fact that I was a rebel child, or even a douchebag of sorts. It stems from the fact that my father is a narcissist who sees his family as possessions instead of people. I don't have any problems with my brother, or my mother, or anyone else; it's just him.
And well, his siblings don't want to deal with him anymore than they already did when they were younger. Nobody even wants to have him on their homes because they're aware of his toxicity. But if I complain, I'm being dramatic. If my mother complains, they argue that he's mentally unstable.
He's not mentally unstable. He's simply a bad person.
I have daddy issues. And so does my brother and other siblings from the previous marriage.
Note: I give up on posting this crap. 4 goddamn attempts already.
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self.offmychest
|
Think I’m having a slight panic attack. K. I’m at work. And would love nothing more than to run outside and breathe the full cool air. I was def set off my stupid fucking social media of my ex bf. I feel so stupid and sad and I can’t breathe in here.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm lonely so whenever I see I have a message on reddit I feel a little better. I know it's a bad habit but it's true.
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self.offmychest
|
Anxiety about being dumped Does anyone else get extreme anxiety if your boyfriend or girlfriend makes a negative observation about you?
I go into a panic attack and then become sad, as I think that this is the lead up to the end of the relationship. Please help me out by sharing your experiences, and ways of coping!
|
self.Anxiety
|
im lonley this new years im so lonley this new years all my family is out and i have nothing to do alone at home im 24 years old,what kind i do to distract myself?
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self.depression
|
I love her, but I might go to jail for it. I have a situation I’d like some input on.
Ever since I started in 7th grade I had a friend, whose sister is, well, cute.
As in I’ve had a crush on her since the first time I saw her. Let’s call her Anika.
The problem is that as of right now I’m 15 (9th grade) and she’s 12.
Leading up to my friends birthday at the end of October, me and Anika started texting and we eventually fell in love.
A little later on the month, when I was there celebrating his birthday, it ended with me and her making out.
We were in love and kept texting and so on.
She only told one friend about what had happened, same for me.
She and her friend got in a fight and the friend told her entire class about it.
One day after, we decide we wanna meet. Sadly we got stalked by some of her classmates. (Fucking assholes :/)
One of the stalkers told their mom that Anika was seeing someone 3yrs older than her and the mom then decided to tell Anika’s mom.
Anika then blocked me on Snapchat, saying that she thought we should stick to being friends :(
Her brother then tells me (yes, he found out about what was going on) that the mom had threatened to call the police on me, risking that I could go to jail.
One day later Anika posts on her Facebook three letters standing for “I love (my name)”.
I texted her, and told her how sorry I was about everything had she had to be going through, and the things I fucked up. I didn’t get a reply.
It’s been a little over two months since we last were together, and I think about her, and miss her every day. I want to tell her that I love her, ‘cause I do.
Thing is, I don’t know what she thinks about me anymore.
She has a friend who I know has talked with her about all of this recently, and I was wondering if I should text her before talking to Anika, if I should text Anika about meeting up or just find her, wether or not it would be a good idea to go back to her.
I love her, and I really hope she still loves me, but if we get back together we’re gonna need to be discreet or I might end up in jail.
What should I do?
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self.offmychest
|
it's my birthday/my current thoughts/longpost Today I turned 40. I'm supposed to have this life things pretty figured out, right? not at all.
I'm alone, a recluse, a hermit. I go out a few times every week to get groceries, but only at night when I have an easier time walking with less traffic and people inside the store. That's the extent of my real human interaction. "Hi, thanks, have a good day".
I'm too frightened to make many changes to my life, even though I desperately need to. Two years ago I tackled my drinking problem, that's solved and lost a bunch of weight. I figured i'd try and improve myself, do what I could first before asking for help.
I went crazy for a bit and threw out old stuff i'd been saving, like probably half of what I owned. My house has no furniture and everything is empty/barren, except for my one bedroom.
Now on antidepressants and seeing a psychiatrist. I'm not sure how effective they are. I think they might help me focus a bit better on things i'd rather be focused on, but it's subtle. I tried implying something more might be going on... or that I needed more help but my psychiatrist just seems fine with giving me SSRIs and atypical antipsychotics... just treating for depression/ocd... he doesn't seem interested in much beyond the norm and has never clearly come out and told me what my diagnosis was despite seeing him for like 6 months.
I've been unemployed for 2 years.
I have never driven a car. I'll never have a family.
I'm not even sure i'll ever get another job. I don't feel like a person.
I struggle to do what's required for basic survival these days.
Lately i've been overeating and oversleeping. I know it, I know how to prevent it by tracking calories and being mindful but like everything it's all so much work.
It's just difficult to see the point to any of this. My current plan of doing nothing is obviously not sustainable and not good for me... I just am unwilling to do anything about it.
If I get through another day without drinking, and manage to keep my house clean or did some other productive thing I try and say it's okay that I did good, but it's difficult cause I can say that however many times I want in my head and believe it but at the same time I still feel like I failed at life.
I got no idea what to do. Sell the house, move to the phillippines for a few years? Just keep the status quo until they kick me out? Get a job at Walmart or call center? I dunno. I got to do something different. I wouldn't mind if someone just handed me a life in already good-working order and said "here, trade up". I got no idea what a life that makes sense even looks like anymore.
I'm not sure what the point of this post is, I like just putting it down somewhere I guess and if people respond how they like that's okay too.
tldr; it's fine not to read it's just me babbling and mostly for myself anyhow. maybe someone else can get something out of it.
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self.depression
|
I don't have the will to put in the effort to change Yes, I have friends who love me and check up on me by the hour. Yes, I have parents who love me and wouldn't ever recover. Yes, I am successful and have professors who encourage me and would love to see me succeed rather than die. Yes, I have therapists, and meds. I even have a job offer in place from a great company.
And yet, I'm 20 and I'm ready to die. I'm bulimic, depressed, with trash self confidence, and dependent on meeting everyone else's standards. I barely know myself and who I am, but I don't care to find out. I don't want to feel, I don't want to be bothered, I don't want to exist. Even if it causes everyone I care about immense pain, I don't care? I can't seem to care about anything, other than my fear of food, binging on food, and purging my food.
No, I am not living. But right now I don't want to put in the effort to change, because I just don't care anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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how do i turn my brain off my job sucks, im being paid minimum wage, no car, my desire to do anything is nil, nobody seems to fall in love with me back, its just anxiety nothing feels good anymore.
got completely sober a few months back, ive been doing drugs recreationally to cover these feelings for ten years. im 22 dropped out of college from indecision, i just dont want to live at this point nothings good anymore
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hi friends! Just looking for someone to chat with about anything.
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self.Anxiety
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I don't know why I bother anymore fuck i'm a mess today
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self.SuicideWatch
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Rough Night Hey guys, I hope everyone is doing okay out there and just want you to know that you're loved and cared about. I've had a pretty rough/weird night and I'm trying to snap myself out of this funk, but I'm having a hard time. Figured it would be best to just talk to people on here and spread the love and good vibrations and feelings that I have left. I know I'm not alone and I don't want others to feel like they are either
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self.depression
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Help Im 16 I live an hr from my boyfriend we have been together almost 5 months. I went to him and his moms house (has 19) abt 2 weeks ago I told him a friend of mine was going to his town and I'm going with to go see him I didn't show up till later abt 8 or so and when I did finally show up he was kinda drunk. I try to visit him for a couple hours a few times a month bc my friends bf lives by me and takes me there when he sees his gf. So that night when I showed up after like 10 minutes he asks me to have sex of course I agree and we go to his bathroom. After a few minutes I notice has being much rougher then usually so I tell him but he didn't seem to care. He kept grabbing me and pushing me hard. He then pulled out and tried to do anal. He knows I wasn't into it. I told him not to I don't like it he keep telling me it's fine has gunna do it. So he did and I flipped out. It hurt I yelled at him to stop. He didn't right away. I pulled away and he apologized and then we continued and finished... Well after that we hung out in his living room...I asked him if we could go lay in bed and cuddle (I was feeling sad after what happened) he said yes but when we got in there and undressed to lay with each other he decided he wanted to have sex again I kept telling him no I didn't want to I just want to cuddle he kept asking and telling me he really wants it and doing everything to make me feel bad until I just say fine and agree .... After confronting him about it a few days later he said he feels like he raped me....my 2 best friends and brother agreed....but if so what am I supposed to do...in suppose to move in next month....I love him but am scared it'll happen again...I told him this and he said well if it happens again my family will help u....idk What to do anymore....I don't wanna leave him he's made me so happy and so much better....but I don't want hurt
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self.offmychest
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Tingling tongue with trileptal? Every time I take my dose my tongue goes numb (numb goes tongue?) along with my lips, nose, fingers, and toes. I'm thinking of renaming it triLIPtal. Anyone else experienced this? It doesn't seem to be a listed side effect, and it usually fades away by the time I'm supposed to take my next dose.
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self.bipolar
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Lurked for a while, finally made an account. i (25/F) Am at a Low Point, I just wanted To say thank you to this sub, ask for your stories, and vent for a moment. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Any video games that help with depression ? I’ve been playing call of duty and it has seemed to help keep my mind of my depression and anxiety and helps me be in the moment. Are there any other games out there that seem to take someone’s mind out of their problems and immerse themselves into a game. Any specific game regardless of genre/style... (I have an Xbox one )
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self.depression
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Does cosmology worsen your depression symptoms? I enjoy watching Sixty Symbols on YouTube and learning about physics and other science-related subjects like maths and chem. But whenever I read or look into cosmology it makes my depression symptoms worsen. I start thinking about the universe and how it will eventually end and it makes me think what’s the point of anything if everything will eventually end? It gets my mind so worked up I have to stop exposing myself to cosmology research.
I didn’t know if anyone else felt this way or if I was a loner (if anyone here even knows what cosmology is lol).
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self.depression
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Don’t Wish For Things To Be Different Life is difficult. Let’s be serious, why is it that self-help is a multi-billion dollar industry? Why are we all (mostly) meeting all of our physical needs but therapists are higher in demand than ever before. We all wished there was a “Secret” that could change our life with a visualization. But what will actually change your circumstances? Embracing the moment. Bruce Lee said it best, “Don’t wish things were easier, wish you were better”. Audit yourself on where you are in life, don’t bullshit yourself, and let the Universe adjust to your actions.
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self.depression
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When your existential dread is the only reason you're alive I was thinking how "funny" it is that the only reason my suicidal thoughts are just thoughts is because I'm too scared to do anything about it. So I get both the suicidal thoughts and then panic/anxiety attacks about death. Ugh.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Missing a dose of lithium? I've been on lithium for a few years now, 600mg twice a day, and I missed my morning dose today. I've never missed a dose before. Should I expect anything? Am I likely to trigger anything?
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self.bipolar
|
I basically cried myself to sleep last night I wanted to say hi to my grandma on christmas day so bad, She died in september and Im still not over it. Also merry christmas!
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self.depression
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Meds don't help I have tried, many times. They don't help, they just create a fog where happiness isn't even possible. My kids and husband love me and are why I am still earthbound, but I feel like I am running out of hope. I live two lives. One, promising career and great family, the other just does not want to wake up. I have enough pills to go to sleep, but am afraid of my kids finding me. I just want to feel peace again.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I finally reconciled with myself and made an appointment with a psychiatrist I'm open to trying out medication now. The appointment isn't until the end of January which sucks, but at least it's there. It's a really good office too, so I'll look forward to going to my appointments. Here's to hoping that I'll feel better soon.
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self.bipolar
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Missing my family and someone to talk to Basically been in university for the past 3 months, i miss my parents dearly and can't stop thinking of them, I can't travel back in winter break for the short time we have a break. Have no girlfriend or anyone i can share my very deep thoughts, never had any girl in my life, feeling really lonely and homesick. Have many great friends in uni, but I still feel lonely, not depressed but don't know where i can share my thoughts and get some positive feedback.
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self.depression
|
I'm [22m] in love with my best friend [21m] but he already has a boyfriend I met this guy in summer and he's absolutely amazing. I never thought I would meet someone on such a similar wavelength to me. We've become very close friends, and see each other pretty much every day. I was attracted to him as soon as we met but I always knew he had a boyfriend. They've been together now for nearly two years and are currently long distance. From what I can gather, they seem very much happy together. I have no intention of making a move, because it wouldn't be fair to him and I don't think I'd have a chance anyway.
I thought I could be strong and get over it but it's been five months since we met and the more I get to know him, the stronger the feelings I have for him become. Today I just couldn't take it and started to cry on the bus. I'm honestly at my wit's end. I don't think I'll ever meet someone like him again. For the first time in my life I'm actually considering suicide over a guy, I can't believe how ridiculous that is but I just can't tolerate this pain anymore. It's consuming me.
I know I should probably cut contact with him but he's my only close friend, we get on so well and I would be so lonely without him. I've tried meeting other guys but they just don't compare. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here; I know none of you have the magic solution but I'd appreciate any words of support or advice.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I keep making bad decisions (NSFW) My life is great. I grew up with one loving parent, and even though I went through a lot it made me a pretty capable person.
When I was twenty I went a little nuts. Had my first kiss and lost my virginity 10 minutes later with a man over twice my age (rich, married, with children). A week or so later I slept around some more, once so trashed I couldn't walk straight. Still did it anyway. Some of the men were friends with benefits and it was more pleasant and calm.
Met a nice man who treated me like a queen, but still a huge age gap. I justified it with my own struggles of identifying with people my own age and he was kind of immature for his. A couple years passed. But he had many problems and I became an emotional and even financial caretaker. Even though I loved him still, I broke up with him to "work on myself". Three months later, I sort of figured out that I'd fallen out of love with him but never truly accepted it.
But I got lonely. I wanted attention, wanted satisfaction, wanted to be warm again. So I slept with a guy (my own age!) and it was awful. Couple weeks later, another guy. And a couple weeks later, another. And now I am starting to get involved with a co-worker.
It hasn't all been bad. But I have to wonder why I keep doing this to myself and taking risks like this. My most recent endeavor comes with the perk of an awesome work out buddy and incredible sex, but he's kind of annoying.
Both gym guy and co-worker are lovely. Sweet, sarcastic, a little innocent, nerdy, and have been through a lot. Any girl would be lucky to have either of them. But here I am, enjoying sex and their company but not wanting anything more.
I need to respect them and at least part ways with one. I need to get back on birth control. I need to stop casually sleeping with people. I need to stop making bad decisions. I need to control myself. I feel rotten and corrupted.
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self.offmychest
|
Hey it's me. Just me. Hello. I'm 26 years old. I'm a person that doesn't like to leave the house, I don't want to meet people, I'm a loner for my whole life. I'm working in an hospital as a male nurse, but I really hate it. I hate the flashy life, the loud noises. I just want to decay here in my bed... I'm in this state for years now... I don't have any ambition to anything... I'm just waiting every evening in hope that I can rest forever. I never tried to kill myself actively. I would never do. I like to slowly decay and waste away... Most of the times at home I'm crying when I realize i have to go out soon. It's so much Pain, can't handle it at all... I feel imprisoned in my self and in this life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My birthday is in 15 days. I have never felt so unexcited & Apathetic about my birthday in my entire life. Happy early birthday to me..
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self.depression
|
Military: When "we care about you" really means "suck it up". I understand that this is a place to reach out about suicide. That being said I don't know where else I can turn to. for advice. Be great if anyone former/active duty military comments, but all advice is welcome. This will be a long one, but I will do my best to stay on point and cut down on the emotional fluff.
My life is in crisis. While I wish I was dead, I don't consider myself actively suicidal. I smoke, hoping to catch cancer. I wouldn't be against a mugging gone wrong. I welcome a horrible accident that takes my life. But I don't stand on the edge of a bridge wanting to jump. I don't put a gun to my head or a knife to my arm. If being "passively suicidal" is a real thing then that's what I consider myself to be.
I'll man up and admit a lot of what's affecting me is brought on because of the choices I've made in life. My upcoming divorce is a result of infidelity. My being still in the Navy is because I agreed to reenlist. But now that the bill has reached my table, speaking metaphorically here, I can no longer afford to pay the emotional, physical or mental cost. I can't. I just can't anymore.
So to give you a rundown on why I truly hate my life, I'll keep it brief:
1) I fucking hate my job: I enlisted in 2006 as an Intelligence Specialist and ended up supporting SF. During that time I deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. In Iraq, I worked with Army and Navy EOD techs and was tasked with taking pictures and collecting (hopefully) defused IED's and their components to take back to base. Seeing wounded soldiers and gore was regular and lost a buddy from an IED. In Afghanistan I deployed on the border of Pakistan where I literally got mortared every day for the six months in country. One shell took out our entire fuel supply, nearly burned the Fire Base to the ground and killed 3 people. One guy got lucky as the initial blast killed him, the other two were trapped in a burning building and we got to listen to them in their last moments.
In 2011, I was up for reenlistment. The IS rate (MOS) was over manned and I was still an E5 so I couldn't stay the same job. Subs were wide open and offered the best chance of longevity with manning and advancement. I lasted a year on an SSBN before having a mental break down. I was working in ship's laundry and a sock ended up on the dryer's heating element. I reported the white smoke and secured power and within 30 seconds everyone and their mother were on scene, fire hoses and CO2 bottles at the ready. Got a pat on the back and thumbs up from everyone, but they found 30 minutes later in a bathroom stall, rocking back and forth. I was sent on LIMDU (Limited Duty), Submarine Disqualed, and saw a psychiatrist for three months.
Those three months consisted of sitting in a room and talking about how I felt and if there were any changes from the last visit. I was prescribed Prozac which helped me stop completely hating myself but also made me lethargic and extremely lazy. I was hoping I could have been seen for PTSD, but she wanted to focus on my depression and for me to "keep my chin up". The appointments ended and my prescription was only for 9 weeks.
I was on LIMDU for 18 months. During that time I made amends and reconnected with my parents and are now on good terms with them. I visited them for the holidays in 2016 and we made plans for me to help with their business and have a place to live while I go to a local college. Things looked great but I was rerated again. This time, no choice, you're going back to the fleet as a Boatswain's Mate.
After 7 months on board, my seamen reported my outbursts and I was blamed for causing a "hostile work environment". Also during that time, we were in New Orleans for a port visit and the last night saw me running around the Bourbon Street, carrying an invisible M-4 rifle, and screaming about how there were "IEDs in the trash". Now I'm in HAZMAT (Hazardous Materials Office) TAD. Currently have 14 months and 1 week left till my EAOS.
2) My marriage is destroyed: I refused to believe I had any real problems until it was too late. I married my gf after coming home from Afghanistan. During our marriage I repeatedly cheated on her with random people met on dating apps. It wasn't until she found out that I realized I had a rampant sex addiction. Thankfully, she realized it too and even stuck around until she had enough. On top of the infidelity I was verbally abusive, had (still do) terrible mood swings and was just a complete asshole. We are currently separated and she lives several states away. We will officially divorce as soon as I'm out of the Navy. We're still legally together as my BAH covers her rent. I'm paying it because I feel like I at least owe her that for all the bs I put her through.
3) There are other things to my severe depression but that would make the post too long. I started making a number list initially believing I would keep them brief but now I just want to end this post.
The issue I'm facing is that I don't know what to do. I go seek help and get the same "are you thinking/planning on hurting yourself or others?" and because I'm not I'm not really helped. I get told to see the Chaplain (who I've seen quite a lot already) and get told to focus on positives and make it through another day. Hard when you feel 100% hopeless, the cup is completely empty and you've totally given up on yourself. I try to make an appointment with mental health and met with dismay when I find out they're booked up for the next 2 months and don't schedule anything further out. I made one in November after New Orleans and finally went to it on February 7th. There the lady listened to me ramble for an hour and said "That's sad." Now I'm waiting for an appointment next month. In the meantime, I still have to be on the ship and do my job. And everyone has the BEST advice. "How many more months do you have left? 14? It'll be over in no time." Fuck you. 14 months is too long.
Every day I fight the urge to go AWOL. To just cut and run. To commit career suicide. But whether I'm a pussy or concerned with my family's reaction and the predicament I'd put them in, I stay. Sometimes I feel like my only option is ending it permanently, but I still don't want to kill myself. I legitimately feel trapped.
Does anyone, military-related preferred, have any advice?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
How to actually get up when you wake up? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Why is sadness taboo? Told a date I had a bad day, and now they're not even talking to me. It was our fourth date and I told him I was sad about my grandma having severe dementia. Now he's not even talking to me anymore, even though it had felt good up till then. Why is being sad such a taboo thing? It's a human emotion... For Christ sake.
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self.depression
|
Magic is gone. Totally lost it today. My dad was diagnosed with Lung Cancer about a year ago. Went through Chemo for awhile and the cancer regressed. Well, on his 6 month check it up they find a growth of about an inch on the same lung. They will not do anymore chemo for him due to his age. Next step is an experimental drug. On top of that my 10 year old son has been totally disrespectful towards my wife and i for the past year. Won't listen to a word we say. Talks backs to us all the time and never wants to help out with chores. I've had depression on and off since I was in 6th grade. I'm now almost 44 years old and I thought I had conquered the darkness with help from my doctor and regular exercise. It cropped up today big time. Wish I could make this callous go away. Cried really hard tonight and I can't sleep tonight.
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self.depression
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So I just got my first job... and feel worse. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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People on anti-depressants, how does it feel and does it help? [deleted]
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self.depression
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How to approach getting therapy I'm considering therapy. I've never like talking about my personal life unless with someone I trust, but I'm at a point in time where all my friends have slowly drifted away from me and the ones who are close don't care or won’t listen. I attempted to let off some steam to online friends and it did somewhat comfort me but it wasn’t what I was looking for exactly. I have so much I want to get off my chest but I want to see the person listening and see they can at least hear what I’m saying. I know I will be uncomfortable with it but I’m willing to give it a try to hopefully stop any sort of depression from coming back.
The only problem is my parents, my dad tries to solve all my problems like they’re his and that will require talking to him which I have never really been comfortable with. My mom on the other hand is the real issue. She tries to get up on my business all the time, hates it when I ‘act’ sad or look angry when it’s my normal resting face and has given my emotional abuse most to all my life. I’m not getting therapy for the emotional abuse as I’ve adapted ways to cope with it, but the extra abuse certainly doesn’t help with the stress I feel at school. My mom has tried to force me into therapy a couple of times all for the wrong reasons and without my consent.
How do I approach my parents with even the idea of receiving therapy? I’m not close to them as well so I don’t know them well enough to know how they’ll react. Any help, advice or even stories of what you’ve experienced is appreciated.
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self.offmychest
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Anyone taking 300mg lithium? Just had it prescribed. Wondering if it’s a low enough dose to not have side effects but still have somewhat of an impact
Appreciate any input
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self.bipolar
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I Feel like I stalked a girl I met at university and feel awful [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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feeling very close to the end hi guys, I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've struggled with this thought heavily for the past four days and it keeps growing. I don't know if i want to be here anymore. i absolutely abhor myself, the way i look, the way i act, my intelligence, everything. my boyfriend and i have been growing distant and i feel as if i have nobody to talk to right now. i don't know if I'm mentally capable to make it through my last semester of college and i feel as if theres no opportunity for someone like me anywhere in life. i don't know how much longer i can keep going like this
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have a bunch of friends but no best friend. I’m in high school and have a bunch of friends but all of them have their own group that they hang out with, and I’m not in any of them. I kinda drift between them and hang out where ever. There is no one that I know who would come to me before anyone else in a crisis or anything. And some times I feel like i will find someone but then I catch myself designing an imaginary friend or some shit.
Don’t get me wrong, all of my friends like me, I know they do, but they all seem to have their own things going on with out me
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self.depression
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Finals are in a week, and I feel like blowing my head off. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Apathy is worse than being in a rain-soaked back country, colorblind and always cold…and hungry. Seasonal depression is awful. I don’t feel sad. I don’t feel much of anything. I could go days without talking to my girlfriend and it doesn’t bother me. Because I don’t care. Really.
So much makes me apathetic but the winter makes it worse. In apathy, I typically feel like my relationships and life are worse than they (perhaps) are. Are they actually that bad? Or am I just slanted due to apathy?
G/f has crap immune system. Always has allergies that effect physiology and that in turn effects our “personal” life. Effects of allergies include adverse reaction to prescribed Prednisone (effects sensitive areas), has other stuff like migraines. I forget what else. Long story-short, we’re not together a lot.
Valentine’s Day came and went. I don’t celebrate. She really doesn’t either. Maybe she wants to but never told me. I don’t like it because I’m apathetic in general and could care less. Tried to break up due to apathy and a “I don’t feel much anymore, really”-mood. Don’t care about relationship. No passion in anything. Relationship is room-temperature water I’d rather dump outside.
Stimulant Doctor has me on does nothing. Ironically.
I would rather be alone. For extended periods of time. I’m usually a social butterfly but lately over this winter I don’t care. At all. I’d rather be alone, watch movies and spend days on end isolating and avoiding anyone and everyone.
I don’t know what meds are available (your experiences and NOT recommendations) to help me feel NOT apathetic. I’m just not happy. Idk if it’s winter or something else.
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self.depression
|
Abusive ex just got new gf- worried for her I know this is not a big deal, but I wanted to talk about it somewhere. I used to have an abusive ex (see previous post, not everything is in there). I just found out he got a new gf. Now, I know I’ll get a lot of he’s terrible, and yes i agree his actions were, but my theory is deep down there is a good guy hidden behind unmedicated mental illness. He wasn’t always bad and admitted he needed help and had issues. If you’re that self aware, you can’t be 100% bad, right?
Anyway, I’m worried for this new gf. I don’t want her to go thru what me and his other ex did. i can’t say for certain she will of course, but I’m betting the answer is yes. I also feel like everyone around him sweeps his issues under the rug. “He’s only like that when he drinks he’s really shaped up” (this is half true), or I would get “i understand, he can be like that. ”, but no one wants to really deal with i guess? They just laugh it off or shake their heads. Or devil’s advocate is maybe you can’t force an adult to get help. It’s easier just to hope it doesn’t happen. Even his own parent admitted he had issues they just donng know what to do. I don’t blame his family, they’re not like him at all. They try their best, but are clearly not sure what to do.
My friend says it’s not my problem anymore, don’t worry, but I guess I’m not like that. I care another girl might get abused. I know I don’t have to care about someone I don’t know, but I do. I know realistically there’s nothing I can do besides send a msg and have her think I’m crazy ex either bc of the msg or him saying it, even if I am truly just trying to help (with the rare chance she would believe me).
I just feel guilty, like I could stop it, you know? I would want someone to warn me. Actually now that I think about it, they did, I just was like well let’s see because he’s been really great so far and everyone has problems, no one’s perfect. I was stupid, I know.
I dunno why i wrote this. I just feel bad, like it’s my duty to help other girls out because I know what they don’t yet.
You’re welcome to leave advice if you want, but i don’t expect anyone to solve this for me. I just wanted to get it out haha thanks for listening!
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self.offmychest
|
Am jobless, in debt, and have no future. I feel like suicide is the only option left. I can't take it anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I saw your picture with your new boyfriend today I was about to get started on my essay when I checked instagram and saw your post with your new boyfriend, glass of champagne in both of your hands. Funny. You refused to touch alcohol with me and hated the very taste, and condoned me for having the occasional drink. Funny how things change.
You promised to be with me forever, to marry me, and a week later you broke up with me. And two and a half months later you have a new boyfriend. I always knew that stuff about getting into another relationship atleast a year after the breakup was bullcrap.
I hope you’re happy. I hope he keeps you happy and safe. You must be elated with not having to do long distance anymore. I hope he is a nice guy and gives you what you need. You always told me your ideal guy was a tall, dark-complexioned guy who is smart and studies science. I think you found him. I just never thought you’d leave me for one.
I hope he can help you with your depression and panic attacks. I used to refer to a website to help and comfort you when you had anxiety attacks. Hopefully the new guy won’t need that.
Sometimes I feel like this is a bad, horrible dream. I’ll wake up to your beautiful good morning texts wishing me a lovely day. But then reality comes crashing down on me.
I love you a lot, my sweetheart. I miss poking your nose and tickling you and I miss running the back of my fingers on your cheeks. I miss our late night calls and I miss seeing your beautiful grin. I miss your family. I don’t know how I’ll ever get over you. I’m just going to look at this picture till it stops hurting me.
I miss you so much, it hurts. But I’d rather die than let you know all this.
EDIT: Wow, this gained a lot more visibility than I thought it would. Thank you to everyone who took out time to write something positive. I immensely appreciate all the advice and the thoughtful comments. I followed the advice and did the needful- blocked her off all social media, all messengers, deleted her number as well. It was a tough move, but it had to be done. Now I can focus on moving on and getting my life back together. Thank you.
To everyone going through something similar, or any sort of hard times...talk about it. Talk to your friends, family, if you’re not comfortable with that, talk here,
pm me, anything. It helps. Don’t bury the sadness inside you. Time might heal everything, but you still gotta deal with the pain. Godspeed.
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self.offmychest
|
HOW A FUK'D UP PARENT CAN KILL U Just as a person who is destitute in life, I too have reached the bottomless pit where I cannot make sense
of what is right or wrong, feeling the tight grip of helplessness. My life started with an abusive father, whom at times, beat
my mother until she became unconscious, sparing no empathy for his son, whom would grow
up to resent every moment of his depressive life. Although I do not remember much of
what transpired during the formative years, I was told by extended family members that my
father was like a predatory animal whom broke free of his restraints. I too fell victim to his animalistic nature, being
beaten senseless, as he unleashed his predatory instincts.
I don't remember much, but reminiscent of a beast, he preyed on my mother's vulnerability,
and weakness, as if starved for periods at a time. Again, I have no recollection of these "said" events, as I was very young. Nonetheless, my life has been a beautiful depiction of the darkest
nightmares any person would sigh a breath of relief upon waking, realizing it was just a "dream". Unfortunately, I am not so fortunate..
Years into my adulthood, I married and have two beautiful children. My son is a handsome
22 yeaar old, my daughter a gorgeous 20 year old (model, actress). Their mother, my ex wife, is an amazing woman, as beautiful as the day I met her (she was also a model). I have so much to be thankful for, excited about, but my depression
and sadness has ruined me. I am truly grateful for what the universe has given me. I know, I seem ungrateful,
but clinical depression is a motherfucker. I'm truly thinking about ending it all in the near future..
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self.SuicideWatch
|
i'm so bored, sad and confused... I just finished exams at school and I was so looking forward for them to be over and for the holidays to start so I could rest. Now my holidays have started and all I can seem to think of is the days looming ahead waiting to be filled with meaningless activities, by me. I don't know what to do, or if I even want to do anything. I feel so empty and drained and I'm really tired. Why can't I take interest in anything besides TV shows? Or music? I like them because they distract me from my reality and doing anything else reminds me that I'm here, and it's fucking depressing.
Sorry what I'm writing is aimless, I just had to vent.
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self.depression
|
Girl at induction chose her epilepsy as her "Biggest Achievement so far" (X-post /r/bipolar) Will it ever be acceptable for me to stand up and say standing here is my biggest achievement so far. She has epilepsy and survived several heart surgeries as a child, which is awesome.
My "Biggest Achievement" was a work achievement that was sustained by a very long and dangerous period of hypomania that landed me in hospital for a month.
Why do I feel like I have the hide my medication from everyone?
Humans are silly.
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self.bipolar
|
i think I have an anxiety disorder for at least 1 year but facing it only now Hi guys,
first time posting here. I am a little afraid to finally say that I have an anxiety disorder, but I think I have it.
I've always been an anxious person, but the one capable to manage it quite easily and also I always got anxious for let's say an exam, for some big event etc etc, so that type of situations that are quite common in life.
I've started to see a switch in my approach to anxiety during the last 2 years of university, in which some things were not so manageable(i am quite sure that my excessive weed/alcohol consumption played a role in this), and starting from university stuff, my anxiety entered in every aspect of my life. Most important, it kicked in with health (fear of being ill at every signal in my body) and with social relations, mostly with girls.At the time I was in a relation, and I started to care a lot about possible signs of a future break up(when in reality they were non existent), I've then started to fear levery aspect of life, I became Ipochondriac and as the time gone by, I've reached a point in which this continous anxious state reflected into questioning my entire reality, the mortality and the sense of our lives, giving me really scary times. DP/DR kicked in, with problems in understanding if my reality was "real or fake", and these type of sensations became unmanageable. I've started to think that I was going mad, that I have picked up some sort of serious mental illness. I've stopped using weed and moderated my alcohol consumption, started yoga class, meditation and lot of sports, and I have to admit that I've passed my last year quite good, with no extreme episodes of paranoia/anxiety.
Now I'm 27 and after my last big breakup(august '16), during these last holidays I've boozed heavily on the new year's eve and the status of DP/DR/extreme anxiety and finally paranoia that my actual girlfriend will break up soon returned powerful as a train. I am fucking scared of the possibility to break up, I've already told her that these 2 weeks I was freaked out for my anxiety problem and that, if I could have seemed not the usual guy I am, there are in reality no problems with us as a couple and that I love her madly. But obviously my shitty brain started to kick in with thoughts about the fact that by explaining her my state, this will lead her to think that actually there is something wrong with us. Sounds silly, right? I know it, but cannot switch off from these patterns.
Finally, I live in this constant feel that I'll never return to my beautiful self(I was a really strong guy - mentally speaking - with a lot sense of self and positivity in life), and this in particular scares me REALLY.
Needless to say, I understood that I have an anxiety problem. I've finally decided to take a visit to a psychologist next month, beacuse I need help to understand my mind.
Sorry for the unexpected venting, I needed to share this with someone and ask if you guys have ever been in my shoes, and if yes how do you overcome/battled this situation.
Thank you!
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self.Anxiety
|
How effective are those mindfulness and anti-anxiety books for you? I've tried and tried to use the techniques they present but each time nothing really positive happens. I am in therapy as well but I would like to get back to managing things on my own. Am I doing something wrong? Are these books really meant to be psychologically effective? What is your experience with them? If you have had a good experience, can you recommend a book?
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self.Anxiety
|
End of the world Anxiety over loss of Resources Hi all,
Back in early November I'd say I starting getting this worry about the end of the world via scenarios like running out of water/oxygen or overpopulation and lack of resources. That was the month my wife was separating from me.
Since then it's been a roller coaster. I found an email of hers that basically said she loved another man and after confronting her she told me basically everything. They had slept together. I was heartbroken. A few weeks ago we decided to try this again however.
Since then, things with my anxiety have been up and down. Some parts of the day it isn't so bad, but sometimes I nearly have panic attacks about it. I'm so worried about the world's end that it affects me at work and at home. Sometimes I have trouble wanting to do anything and even when I do and go out and have fun with friends, the thoughts are always there. It's usually the last thing I think about before falling asleep and the first thing I'm thinking about when I wake up in the morning.
Sometimes I will see people being happy about, say, a child being born. But then I'll think "well, that's just someone else taking up resources and slowly inching the earth closer to death". I realize these thoughts are probably a little disturbing. I think about them regarding all facets of life and just think what's the point of any of this if we are on this track to the end.
My biggest fear is that this is just who I am now. That I will never be able to go back to who I was. Is there some way this is tied to the separation? Is there a possibility this will end?
Thanks
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self.Anxiety
|
please, just read. i've been in a really bad place for a while now and seeing the positivity on here makes me the slightest bit more happy. it's as if people can *see* me, even though there are so many users behind screens. just wanted to **get that off my chest**
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self.offmychest
|
The age when parents bug you to get married, threatening with their mortality! My friends are getting married, classmates.Hell broke loose when a neighbor kid whom I grew up with has his parents come over to usher in the god news! My parents corner me, "what are your plans son?" And the emo shit.They were controlling bastards who made me miserable enough for me to ditch a LTR. Now they want me to settle down and shit. All i could think was , I need a smoke .While people are getting hitched and shit, I wanna enjoy a smoke and drink in peace.
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self.offmychest
|
Everyone forgets my birthday Its about to be 4 years now. For the past almost 4 years almost everyone has forgotten my birthday. At first it was all my friends and even my best friends, but last year even my grandparents forgot. None of these people even wished me a happy birthday. My brother’s birthday is a month before mine. Yet everyone always seems to remember his. My birthday is coming up in a few days and I just hope this year is better.
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self.depression
|
Does anxiety make you have a lower or higher appetite or no change at all?
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self.Anxiety
|
What is this. Please help. Hello **reddit**!
First of all I am 19 years old male with no history of mental illnesses, no abuse, and a normal happy life, with happy family. I don't do drugs, but I **smoke and drink, or used to drink a lot of coffee**, before this happened.
My **Mental HELL began** 2 months ago. I feel like something in my mind broke...
And do you know the reason?
I heard of someone who died by *suicide*.
Since then, my life changed completely.
**I don't know why.**
**I don't know how.**
**I don't know what to do next.**
**I suddenly asked myself:** "Why he did it, he had 6 kids, he had everything? What kind of force drive him to suicide? What stops me from doing it too?" and then I experienced something strange, something confusing.
Since then, I have nearly constant obsession with suicide...At the beginning I was sure that I don't want to do it. But now I doubt it constantly.
**I have really hard time describing what is happening in my brain(nearly impossible), but i will try.
Life feels meaningless without any apparent reason. I am constantly anxious, have less energy. I don't go outside as I used to. I am constantly in my home, searching google articles about mental issues and so on.
I am constantly in my head.**
My interest in people dissapeared.
There are other weird feelings in my head:(As I said, I can't trully describe them.)
1. weird feeling: **It feels like i imagine waking up everyday but it feels like i am waking every minute.**
2. weird feeling: **Feels like I won't be here soon.**
3. weird feeling: **When I try to do something I can't do for long time. Eventually there is a weird feeling associated with a throughts like the above that doesn't allow me to do it. It is strange, feels like anxiety a bit, but not exactly.**
4. weird feeling: **When I am relatively okay, there is a feeling like I am anxious, idk strange feeling in the stomach(not exactly anxiety.) Can't fully describe it.**
5. weird feeling: **Like i am dissociated with life(not like the derealization stuff) - again I am not sure what it is it feels strange.**
6. weird feeling: **Feeling like I don't want to get better.(This is the scariest one.)**
7. weird feeling: **Feeling like years have passed between my old life and now.**
8. weird feeling: **Feeling like there is no emotional content in my memories.**
9. weird feeling: **Confusion if I am suicidal or not.**
10. weird feeling: **Feeling like a wave between now and the future happens in my head and makes me feel tired and anxious.(This happens especially in the morning, when I stand up and stop being sleepy it dissapears.)**
11. weird feeling: **When I do something it randomly appears it is like a feeling of /suicidality/hopelessness/flying feeling/ (not sure can't describe it.) and when this happens there is a strike in my stomach.**
12. weird feeling: **There are pictures stuck in my head(2 or 3) mostly regarding to future. for example: me in the garden of my university walking - like i am looking at myself from a flying drone. they seem dark or super bright in my head.**
13. weird feeling: **Feeling that there is something wrong with my thinking pattern and my rational thinking.**
14. weird feeling: **Sudden feeling of being trapped(In life?). (It happens randomly.)**
15. weird feeling: **That I will suicide if I work, and since then I am not working.**
16. weird feeling: **Going out seems weird/scary/overwhelming/I don't know.**
17. weird feeling: **Something that happened a long time ago seems close, something that happened a short time ago feels far.**
18. weird feeling: **This is about babies. Somewhere I have read "I don't want kids on this terrible world." And now there is a weird feeling when I see a baby.**
And many intrusive suicidal thoughts about 16 to be exact, I picked a lot of them while researching and now they are stuck in my head. But I will not list them because they may trigger someone.
I visited 5 psychiatrists, yet, **no clear diagnosis**. One of them suggested Adjustment Disorder, but I don't think that this is the case, exept I moved to new city(1 year ago.)(because I study there.), and had a lot of stress during exams, nothing more.
Any suggestions what it might be?
Do I sound suicidal?
Thanks in advance, **have a good night**.
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self.Anxiety
|
Depression suddenly stopped after a revelation. Ive suffered from severe depression for years, the last few years have been horrible, I had alot of pent up anger and frustration and hurt from years of all the bad things people had done to me in my life. I decided after months of running to confront the (main) source of my depression. That night I had a revelation, something became clear. I dont know how to explain. The answer was just laid out for me suddenly. I learned anger and resent wasnt the answer.
Since then my depression has almost ceased entirely. Does this make sense to anyone else? Can anyone explain? I still have severe anxiety and am aware im not suddenly faultless from my depression, im still a damaged person, I know that. But since that following morning, I woke up feeling like my demons just werent with me anymore.
Im aware and I anticipate already this is only temporary, I can only hope depression dosent come back, but can anyone explain what could cause such a drastic change? (I mean physically/scientifically explain it)
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self.depression
|
You know what my motivation is? To live a life free of anxiety and not having this shaking, running thoughts and shit, the day I reach that is what I relish.
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self.Anxiety
|
Too depressed to brush or floss I went to the dentist yesterday and I found out I have 6 cavities and the beginnings of gum disease.
I have set two alarms on my phone, one in the morning and one in the evening, to remind me to brush my teeth, but I so often just turn it off and forget to do it.
Dentist trips have always been fine and dandy until now, around my 24th Christmas. It cost my family $1400, but thankfully we have flex insurance.
It just makes me feel like a dumb ass and like I put even more of a weight on my family's shoulders. I'm always the one going in and out of hospitals.
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self.depression
|
Hate myself, fed up with my life, want to make a change but don't know how. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Occasionally on good days I think to myself “maybe I should try one more year, just to see if it gets better” but then I think of suicide and my heart flutters as though I’ve fallen in love with it and I realise there’s no real choice at all. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
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self.depression
|
I have no one. Throwaway for reasons.
I have plenty of acquaintances, “work friends”, but at the end of the day I don’t really have anyone.
•My last relationship was about five years ago, prior to that it was a three year gap for only four or five months.
•My longest friendship is someone whom I care for deeply but this friendship at best is on-again-off-again, and currently he’s not returning text messages.
•In terms of family, I don’t speak with my parents much, my sister works too much and my brother and I have never been close.
•My best friend is exceedingly busy with her children.
•I don’t speak with anyone from school.
•My two work friends I find I don’t have much in common with and being friends with them is becoming a work liability.
•A past hookup/friend recently added me on Snapchat, but it seems he’s in a relationship and not actually interested in being friends.
•Grindr is a joke (I’m being redundant, I know) almost every guy wants nothing to do with me and if they do it’s purely sex.
•Tinder, same.
•I quite literally have no other friends
Things recently became apparent when I was vacation (alone) and found myself realizing I was practically the only person there by myself. Single rider lines are great, and the freedom to do what-I-want-when-I-want was amazing, but it was increasingly apparent how alone I am.
While on vacation I was talking with a bartender at a restaurant, and she asked where I was from and then why I was traveling alone. I lied and said I needed to use up vacation and so close to the holidays I didn’t have friends who could join. The truth was, there was never an opportunity to ask anyone to go because there wasn’t anyone.
People at work seem to like me, I make people laugh, im someone people look up to and want to be with, I get along great with co-workers. It just seems like outside work no one cares about me.
I don’t really know how to move forward from this. I’m trying to make friends and put myself out there but it doesn’t seem to work.
I’m a very rational person. I know this stuff shouldn’t matter. I know guys on Grindr are generally crap. But despite the logic, I feel so utterly alone.
I know posting here won’t help. I just needed to put this out into the universe.
I’m trying to make friends, but it seems to be going nowhere.
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self.depression
|
I'm lying in bed whole day, crying and thinking about suicide. I need help.
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self.depression
|
Something beautiful I was filming a video for my family to show at my funeral. It includes one of my favorite poems. During the editing process I noticed something amazing. In the poem there is a few lines about god. I was 100% sober recording this and remember perfectly that I said these lines in my normal voice. Well in the video my voice gets lower and more raspy and I can't really tell but it looks like I have a faint white aura. Mostly noticeable around my shoulders. Ive never been the religios type. In fact ive had a problem with religion ever since I was young. But after this I truly believe it was something letting me know its okay to end this suffering.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I wanna get high and die All these pills, I've been taking them on and off for about 2 years and I feel even worse, right now nothing makes sense, I feel like shit, I have no emotions, I am just blank, I don't enjoy things that I used to love like video games and music.
Sometimes I just think what would happen if I just popped all these pills, will I feel high or will it just make me sick, will I die?
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self.depression
|
did something stupid now i have the worst anxiety ever [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel like i cant take anymore Ive been struggling with anxiety for like 3 years. It wasnt that back back then but about a year ago it striked really badly. Since then ive been going to a therapy. Also taking medicines for a long time. It got better for a few months but since the new year started it came back probably worse than ever. I still go to a therapist and i like that but i just dont seem to get right. Constant worries and anxiety. Also feeling as if the world around is unreal (worst symptom) which is probably derealization. And constantly worried about my health. Cant eat much. I lost a lot of weigth. I am so scared i am seriously ill. Sometimes even sure of that. Have problems leaving the house. Exams are comming as well. I would love to go to an university but i know i wont be able to do so when i feel like that. I just cant stand it anymore. I feel so horrible most of the time. Sometimes wondering if im even still alive or if im mentally ill. I feel like something is wrong with me. I know it is. Im so scared. Just cant see a way out. I dont wanna live like this. Why did it happen to me? I just dont know what to do anymore.
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self.Anxiety
|
My anxiety is getting the best of me....advice requested [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
lost a ton of money on a stupid bet, have no job and dropped out of school, depressed and feeling trapped. I want to end it. I don't know how to keep going. I lost a lot of money on a stupid bet, and I've got so little left. It really finally hit me tonight that my money was really gone and I wasn't gonna win. I don't know what to do. All I can think is how hard i worked for months and months to get it and not i've wasted it all. I can't believe i was so stupid. I want to die I don't know how to keep living. I've got no job, and I dropped out of school and have no skills or talents. everything seems so overwhelming. I cry everyday and i don't feel happy doing anything anymore. there is no enjoyment left and everything is a chore. I want to lay in bed all day even though my body is sore from not moving. I've gained so much weight I can't even walk properly like I did before. I have to walk with my legs in a weird position so my thighs don't rub and its causing foot and knee pain. I am hopeless and so lonely. I'm a disappointment to everyone and the world will be better off without me.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I’ll delete this if I️ have to I’ve been on the same boat as you guys but I️ just wanna say that if ANYONE (no seriously I️ mean YOU) needs a stranger to talk to right now, I️ am here to just listen and get to know you. Just PM me and I’ll listen
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self.depression
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Does anyone care? I have 1 friend but I haven’t physically seen them in 7 years but we FaceTime and talk every single day until recently. No big deal I’m pretty used and expect people to drift out of my life. I know people who I used to be friends with but now we are just accquantences, we don’t talk at all but follow each other on social media. But here’s the thing, when you post things on social media about how you are ready to kill your self or how depressed you are and you don’t even get a text asking if you’re okay- does that mean no one cares? I see them caring about other people but they never seen to make sure if I’m okay. I mean I don’t expect them to, but I know when I see people that I care about talking like that I need to make sure that they’re okay. I mean, how can you say you’re friends with someone but not even say anything when they’re threatening to kill the selves. It’s weird, you’ll be Sauk g how much you want to die and how depressed you are and no one will say anything BUT they’ll make sure to send you a picture on Snapchat to keep the streak lol. Worthy enough for a number on Snapchat but not worthy enough to live in their eyes
Sorry for the rant, just wondering if anyone is expierencing this or idk.
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self.depression
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