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Happy new year I saw this tumblr post going around the internet telling people to start the new year going to bed early and waking up refreshed, and I thought hell yes that sounds really nice, I should do that. Cause I'm superstitious and I always have this feeling at the back of my mind that however I start the year is going to be a premonition of how the rest of the year is going to be. For the past several years I've started the year either depressed, literally on the verge of suicide, or high as fuck, and the rest of the year always mirrored that, proving my paranoia right. So I said this year is going to be different. But it's 4:45am on jan 1st now and I'm drunk as hell because I ran out of weed so I couldn't sleep and now I'm suicidal as well and I can't help but feeling like 2018 is going to be a whole other year of drugs and booze and depression and it's like, what's the point? Why don't I just end it now?
I just want to die lmfao I can't even bring in the new year right, I've screwed everything?? Fuck
Where do I even go from here?
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self.depression
|
Is anyone else just waiting for that one little thing To send them over the edge. It's like I want to die but I am not miserable enough yet.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like my depression is getting the better of me. I'm Tom, 19 and I've been struggling with depression, anxiety and social anxiety for most off my life, but recently it's got to a point where I really can't see a way out of it for the better. I'm pretty successful for my age and have a great job, but no matter how well I'm doing I don't ever feel happy. I'm on sertraline which only seems to make me feel numb and I've been seeing a therapist for the last 10 months, which has improved my social anxiety and GAD, however my depression has gone through the roof to the point where I can't sleep, have no desire to do the things I've always loved doing and I've become desperately lonely and isolated. About a year ago I started smoking weed as I thought it would help, but that then moved on to psychedelics and eventually I was spending £400 a week on coke, which has no doubt worsened everything. Luckily I'm clean now and haven't done anything in 3 months, but the depression just doesn't seem to be improving and I'm REALLY fucking tired of it. The girl I love I know has feelings for me (I've heard her say it, don't worry I'm not delusional), however she's still with her boyfriend of 2 years and I don't really think I'm in a fit mental state to say anything no matter how much I want to. Family is distant; my mum left my dad for a woman when I was young and my dad has always been emotionally distant. No matter what good happens to me, I can't look past all the shit in my life and I'm just tired of it now. At a point now where I feel so alone and empty that I don't really have anything to live for. I thought coming here and seeing what other people are dealing with would be helpful; see if anyone who's really struggled with this shit show has any alternatives and things that helped them get through the awful days. "Tomorrow will be better" doesn't seem to be cutting it too be honest. Meditation seems like something that would be useful, but if anyone has anything at all it would be much appreciated, sorry for the paragraph :)
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self.depression
|
Last Night? I know this is unreasonable but I absolutely cannot take the guilt of what I've done. I have found a rope, I've amassed a hoard of medication, I've hurt the love of my life. I do not deserve to live, nor do I deserve his forgiveness. I fear myself above all, I fear the abuse cycle reviving itself within me. I cannot stand living with this constant uncertainty of when I will truly make a mistake and hurt him worse. My GPA & Homelife is in absolute shambles. I hope to hang myself in solitude tonight so nobody can suffer anymore, not even myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Burnt Out I would describe myself as burnt out. I'm 18, second semester of college, but I really haven't gotten anywhere. I've done a lot of shit, improved myself even, but there's still no happiness to be seen for me. I've had a few major life problems that I've beaten (or am at least well along on), like my grades and my weight. I got my grades up enough to get into the school I wanted to (where I'm typing this from), I've lost enough weight that I'm approaching the medical "healthy weight" range, all that jazz.
So I admitted to myself this last summer that I'm trans. I'd known it for several years, but I'd been repressing it pretty effectively. I'm out at school and to my immidiate family and everyone's cool about it. I've been on hormones for a bit as well. That's been going well, I've noticed a few positive changes that are nice, I guess. But ultimately I don't feel like it's solving much of anything. I'll always still be me, which is really the only constant here. Fat/skinny, low/high grades, sick/healthy, boy/girl, always going to be me. And I'm not sure I can handle this shit.
What do I mean by 'this shit', you may ask? The grind of life. Eat, wake up, school, bla bla bla. I hate it so much. I'm just bored and stressed and lonely all the time. I feel like I deserve some good sprinkled in there to spice things up, but I don't feel it. I put up with the grind for a few months, then I get on break for a bit (when I just get more depressed), then back to the grind.
There's a few people I care about, I guess. Honestly I kind of resent them for keeping me here when I hate it so much. Like my whole life is just me going with other people's flow to keep them from freaking out at the sight of my body or whatever. I honestly wish I was strong enough to live life how I want to without worrying about what other people think or feel. And I want to live my life by ending it.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Is there any hope for me? (I’m 16) Most days I just feel like there is no hope of me ever being the person that I want to be. I want to be funny and outgoing, but I am not.
I missed 3 years of school due to an illness and that meant that I got socially awkward and extremely insecure.
It also meant that I have never had any friends or a social circle or a girlfriend, and at the moment, it feels like I never will.
I just want to have a girlfriend and a solid group of friends so badly, but it’s just impossible for me.
I get ignored a lot at college, and I also get teased a lot by my “friends”. All the time I am around them I am just on edge.
Is there any hope? Don’t just say yes if you think no.
Thanks
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self.depression
|
I hate health insurance So I've been taking lamotrigine for years and have tried multiple sidekick anti depressants at different times. A while back I started really struggling with crying and despair. I got back on lexapro because I hadn't tried it in combination with the lamotrigine. (Although I had tried it before I was diagnosed bipolar when I was diagnosed with depression. But that was like when I was 17 -- so 14 years ago)
ANYWAY when I started taking it again, it had real annoying sexual side effects and then I went down to a tiny dose that got rid of that problem, but definitely didn't work as well. I had to get a new psychiatrist because then one I had before dropped my insurance. Then I got the new one and she said the lexapro dose was so low it wasn't doing anything. I've been progressively more depressed so she wanted me to try a new anti-depressant. My insurance was really annoying and made me prove that I had taken a bunch of other drugs before they'd approve this one. I was really looking forward to trying it and hoping so much that it would help. It still hadn't come so I called the prescription mail place and it turned out they hadn't shipped it. Then she mentioned that the copay was $123 for a 30 day supply!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT. So I said not to ship it after all because there is no way in hell I can afford that. Anyway it was so fucking depressing because I was really hoping it would help. I burst into tears and hung up on the lady.
Sorry for the rant just so upset right now.
edit: a word
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self.bipolar
|
I'm done with the army. I've been a conscript for the last twenty-one months. Being completely immersed in my work momentarily invigorated me and worked as a coping mechanism for a while, because I liked what I do and was good at it, then I realized that nobody cares if I go above and beyond to be good at what I do and won't hesitate to put me down because I'm powerless. I've been recommended by several thousand people as being one of the best at what I do, but in the end, I really don't get anything I could use because my bosses didn't really care enough to put me in for an award.
I was a freshman with my friends before I enlisted. Now, they earn what I earn in a month in four hours and my brain is wiped clean. I have trouble concentrating again.
I think all of my friends are tired of me now. I've been lashing out. I have anger issues.
I've been hanging on for the last few months, looking forward only to getting out, but I know that in the end, going back to school will only serve to crush me again. What then?
Seven days left.
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self.depression
|
I was getting better from my depression and all the sudden i'm back to the starting point I just got rejected from a job again, today is a full year since i had my last job, i had a TON of interviews for new jobs but in the end i get none. I feel i'm such a worthless failure
I dont even want a job tbh, when i had one i was pretty miserable (no as much as i'm now tho), wasting my life doing something pointless for some money to buy something i dont really want
But still, i need a job to live, to be normal, to have a chance to live like everyone else is doing, and being unable to get one has drow me back to square one in fighting depression
Insomnia is back, life seems extreamly pointless again, i feel like crying 24/7, i feel like issolating from family and friends. Its the full nightmare again, i though i was getting better, that some day i could live as everyone else does, a pointless but happy and enjoyable life but that looks so fucking imposible atm
I fucking hate this never ending illness
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self.depression
|
How do I do this and take care of myself?? I lost my job. My wife, psychologist, and PhD Mentor has suggested I take some time for self-care. But..... I don't know where to start?!?!
I'm in a small upswing in mood, but it won't last long because I have the rapid-cycling bipolar disorder. What I'm about to say may seem obvious but it's not for me. I don't know how to organize my day. I need to do the normal eating, sleeping, working out, and working on my dissertation.
How do I do this and take care of myself??
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self.bipolar
|
Unsure of whether to call this depression or if it’s something else Backstory: I’m several days shy of a month after losing my dad unexpectedly in a traumatic death. My grieving has been off and on; I’m not entirely sure it has “hit me” yet. I lived two hours away from him and we didn’t talk on the phone much as we both hated talking on the phone. But he was my Dad, my daddy, my hero, the single parent who raised my brother and me when he barely knew how to care for himself, after my mom fell hard into substance abuse. I can’t even begin to describe my love and adoration for him, hence why my even-keeled, stoic grieving makes me think I’ve not really understood that he’s truly gone.
The past month, it’s honestly like someone poked a pinhole in me somewhere and out leaked all of my drive, energy, and give-a-fuck. I haven’t cooked more than one solid meal in that time. I graze all day specifically on easy things like cereal, popsicles, yogurt, etc. I’m so tired. I stand up, I feel my energy drain away, and I can feel my blood pressure take a dip. Not like I’m going to faint, but I will have limited energy from that point and will need to sit down soon. I take Adderall IR for ADHD, but it doesn’t help my energy’s. I could take one, then sleep the rest of the day. I’m not as quick to wake up for my alarm on work days, and will snooze it for another hour or so. I could sleep for hours and hours. My focus has taken a hit, and I’ll forget things. Normally I love to go out and just wander around Target, or bumble around window shopping, but I just don’t want to right now. My fuse is much shorter, particularly regarding my brother, who is very emotional and is handling our dad’s death in the most illogical and infuriating ways possible. My husband, bless him, has been the mediator between us so we don’t nuke our sibling relationship out of grief. I have only a few friends, and due to work schedule conflicts, I don’t see them much.
However, I can’t help but wonder if these problems with energy are something else. I do have autoimmune thyroid disease, which can cause these problems, but I actually just had my TSH levels drawn and I’m actually *hyper*thyroid at the moment, which would normally mean I’d have so much energy I’d be vibrating, but the opposite is true. It’s winter here, so I considered it may just be seasonal blues.
I’ve been diagnosed with MDD in the past, with a nice GAD rider, but it has been decently controlled with Prozac. Hardly perfect, but certainly functional which I was not before going on meds. I considered going back to my head-doctor and getting a bump up in Prozac dosage, but I have some side effects that would suck to see increase, namely I sweat so much at night that I literally soak tshirts, and I’m afraid of my libido taking a hit. Plus I wonder if it would help because my mood hasn’t really changed much. I still enjoy things. I make jokes, enjoy humor, and seek out things that make me happy. I have hobbies I still engage in, and future projects I’m wanting to start. Still have a reasonably active sex life when my husband is home from work trips. My day-to-day interactions look “normal.” I am unsure if my energy issues are grief related or possibly medical.
I’m rambling. My point is, I’m not sure if this is grief/depression, or something passing or medical in nature. Not sure what to do. I should probably see a medical doctor, but fuck I can’t summon the energy.
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self.depression
|
God I hate Christmas, only thing I'm looking forward to is the dinner. I'm suicidal, anixious and depressed enough as it is. I'm always worse on the day. I just want to eat the dinner and go to sleep. I have to worry about my uncle and cousin coming in the morning, then my other auntie and uncle may ask us round. Then I know my mum will get upset on the day because she will be thinking of my gran. She will also be on Facebook looking at her extended family and friends having a better time than me her and my dad.
I just hate my life and Christmas is the worst.
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self.depression
|
may die because of boredom I mentally am bored to death of life omg I will kill myself because of boredom. I'm bored to death, not a lot to do in life.
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self.depression
|
I’m in love with a girl that will never like me back. [NAW] I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. She’s amazing. She’s not perfect, but no one is. But she’s everything I’ve ever needed. We dated a few months before she dumped me after telling me that she had been leading me on, and she didn’t actually like me in that way. That was last July.
I thought that my feelings would fade with time, but they’ve only gotten more intense. Every day that I don’t see her is a lousy day.
I know that she will never like me back. And I don’t see the point in moving on. Yeah, I could be in other relationships with people that like me back, but they will never be her. Yeah, I could get married to a loving wife. But it will never be her. So what’s the point?
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self.offmychest
|
Lost my Medicaid...Trying to choose Health Coverage. need advice. Currently looking at the affordable healthcare website and trying to choose a plan since I make "too much" at my $9.50/hr job for medicaid now. They all look way too expensive for me. What do you guys have and what payments do you make per service?
I'm currently on effexor, neorontin and seroquil and seeing a therapist at my local community mental health.
Thanks a bunch.
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self.bipolar
|
Having an existential crisis or just severe depression I wake up in the morning and throw up first thing. I have severe social anxiety to the point where I make people stupid promises I can't keep, where my hands and lips shake in front of customers at work at my cashier job. I have severe panic attacks that make it difficult for me to go anywhere where I might have a claustrophobic attack. I want to travel so badly but this has crippled me.
I'm desperately trying to find a sliver of meaning in life. I live with an emotionally abusive mom who is jealous of my relationship with my only true friend, my sister, and who also find x number of reasons to criticize me or tell me she failed as a parent to me, because i turned out so bad according to her, who will hurt me with her words then deny she ever said anything and paint me as "crazy"
To get away from her, and try to build my own life away from her, I work a cashier job and take 40 hours of classes at a local college a week. However I don't see a hopeful future as I barely get by in my job or classes. My social anxiety is so severe it is literally painful to look people in the eye or not let my hands and lips shake like a leaf.
I feel my life is some big irony as I want so badly to get away from my home but my anxiety keeps me trapped. Any thoughts or empathy would be much appreciated. I really am holding on to one small thing and that is my artwork and my creativity (I am studying art and design) but even with that the moment I let the doubts in and tell myself how bad my artwork is I am bakc to square one.
Also, I know I have a big heart, if I see people, even people who have hurt me (like my mom) crying or sad it is so painful for me. I know I probably just sound like a weak idiot. And all the kindness I wish I could give to people is crippled cause of my social anxiety
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anyone else on like a LOT of different psych meds? By a lot I mean like seven or eight different meds. I just got put on Rexulti, which means I'll be taking three APs, two mood stabilizers, a sleep med, and two anxiety meds.
It makes me feel like I'm a total wreck that I need to be on all of these.
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self.bipolar
|
Wait until you're 28 "Wait until you're 28" I'll never forget the way you said that and how you looked at me when we were talking about our opinions of marriage. We would have slept together that night if we weren't at a weird place in our lives where we didn't know where in the world we'd be moving to and if we'd ever see each other again. The way you told me to wait until I was 28 to get married felt like your way of telling me to wait for you and we'd be together someday...
That was 5 years ago and we're almost 28 now and everyone else seems to be getting married which is probably why you've been on my mind so much lately even though we don't talk anymore. Most girls seem to love me and as narcissistic as it sounds I feel like I could get almost anyone that I want, but you're the only girl I've ever really cared about. I've never felt the same way about anyone else as I do about you, not even close.
We've both had feelings for each other on and off since highschool but nothing ever happened between us. I always somehow knew that one day something would... But I was wrong. I can't fully accept that and move on without completely removing you from my life and the thought of that absolutely kills me. You've been one of my closest and best friends for 12 years and the only girl I've wanted to spend my life with. I think we just met each other at the wrong point of our lives and if I had met you in university instead of high school we could have had a happy ending.
In the next week or two I'll remove you from Facebook and delete all the pictures I have of you to try to forget about you once and for all. I'll send you a short message on Facebook to explain why which will be awkward but is better than the alternative of you randomly noticing that we're no longer friends and having you always wonder why.
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self.offmychest
|
Have I ever even tried to live my life to the fullest? (middle of the night rant) [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I want to share my experience moving to NYC from Israel - four months ago [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Depakine chrono 500 a day for a week now and I feel like shit [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Light at the end of the tunnel Hey all, I just wanted to get this off my chest. I've just set a major step to overcome my depression; I destroyed my Runescape accounts.
A bit of context: 23y/o male, studying (failing hah) computer science, addicted to games since my childhood. The root of my addiction lies in Runescape; I started playing when I was around 10 years old and have always been playing on and off. When I started my studies, I got pretty good grades. The second year is where it went downhill really fast. I was playing Runescape ~14 hours a day, skipped classes, lied to my parents about my whereabouts (they thought I went to class all the time), failed everything, lied to everyone, etc. I've been on the verge of suicide multiple times because I just couldn't find a way to get out. Probably I subconsciously didn't want to get better as well.
Now finally there's light at the end of the tunnel. I've read stories of people experiencing the same issues, and that they got better by deleting their account. So I took the (for me) drastic decision to destroy my accounts. Everything I've "worked" for, for the past years. Funny how it has become work. I destroyed both my accounts, both with 2000+ hours (don't know how much exactly because I can't access them anymore :D ). Every single item I wasted hours of my life on, I destroyed one by one. When I was done with that, I changed the passwords to something random. I unsubbed every Runescape related youtube channel, deleted all bookmarks, deleted all my Runescape related browsing history. It felt amazing.
I probably could have sold the accounts for a significant amount of money, but I didn't. I don't want anyone else to experience addiction like this.
I finally feel free. Although this is probably just the start of being cured, it feels amazing. I want do *actual* stuff now. I want to learn! I want to go outside! I want to find love!
Advice for any parents with gaming children; please talk about it openly. I've had way too much freedom in the digital wasteland (addicting games like these all started popping up when I was young). Games are fun as long as you're able to find balance, in which I failed horribly. Help them or help yourself to find this balance. If you think you're unable to find this balance, try to let games like these go because eventually you will be consumed if you don't.
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self.depression
|
Here's the note I am leaving my loved ones. I don't want to be a burden to anyone. In order to maintain that desire, I'm writing this letter to explain myself. I don't want you to be sad that I am gone. This is for the better, trust me.
All my life I have been a failure. I use failure not as an adjective, but as a noun. I am intrinsically broken and cannot be fixed. No amount of therapy or antidepressants can account for my depression, as it is a natural result of my flawed being.
I've always had trouble whenever I've had to write an "About Me" paragraph. Here is no different. The root of my flaw is my inability to focus. Try as I might, unless a task falls within specific parameters, I cannot complete it. I can watch movies, read fiction, absorb scientific summaries, play games, and solve logic puzzles, but only because these things are able to grab hold of my focus. I don't choose where to direct my attention, it just goes wherever it feels. I have tried to combat this. I take ritalin, and put serious effort into focusing on remembering commitments and completing my studies. But the result is always the same. I will either become distracted and forget, or I will become so overwhelmed that I can't proceed.
I don't think that I'm stupid, I can learn things. It's just that I can't seem to choose what I learn, even if I really want to.
This has caused me to fail at every goal I have ever had in life. I couldn't become a computer technician. I was a less than mediocre 3D artist, with no chance at obtaining a job. I will never be able to obtain the marks necessary to become a therapist. I am approaching 30, but keep repeating the same pattern.
You could question why I chose to go into these fields in the first place. I am interested in psychology, 3D art, and computers, but, as with anything, there are aspects of these fields that do not interest me but still are required knowledge for mastering them. Anyone else would just put their nose to the grindstone and get it over with. I can't. I have tried many times, but I always fail. I do what I consider to be a lot of work, find out too late that I am not nearly at the level I should be, become completely overwhelmed by the degree of catching up I have to do, withdraw from it all, try something new, repeat ad infinitum.
I really thought that I had made progress this semester. I went into it determined to succeed, sure that I would make it. Two failed exams were all it took to snap me back to reality. Whenever I get to the point where I can't rely on my intelligence, and I need to put in work, I invariably fall.
I will never be able to follow through with any of my passions. All I can ever hope to acheive is some mindless, dead-end job that gives me enough money to afford rent in a place I don't want to live. My only drive to save pennies so I can buy a video game once in a while.
I don't want to live such an existence. That is another flawed aspect of my character: pride. If I were more humble, I wouldn't care about my station, only that I were happy.
So I end my life. I am finally at peace. I love you all from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for the privilege to know you for this short time.
Goodbye,
Name redacted
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Bipolar and Persecutory Mindstate vs Presentational Antagonization via Perceived Social Inequity First, let me say that the subject I am speaking of is comorbid Bipolar 1, medication nonresistant, is currently in bipolar remission (a prolonged medication-assisted acute euthymic state), and was diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder as a late teen. Towards the subject (M)'s late 20s, presentations of both issues created enough turmoil in M's life that M sought treatment, and was diagnosed as Bipolar Otherwise Unspecified with Anxiety Disorder at 30 years of age, and dually diagnosed as a polysubstance abuser.
Later, hospitalized multiple times for psychosis episodes brought on by substance abuse competing with bipolar and therapeutic regiments, M, at this point 35, began therapy during a period in which M had massive and sudden breakthroughs in Dialectic Behavior that Borderline symptoms.
After multiple years of DBT, correcting medication issues and practicing mindfulness and basic wellness (sleep schedules, eating schedules, exercising, exercising the brain), M grew to put much of their dysfunctional interpersonal relationship issues due to borderline aside, leaving at core of regime: medication regiment for bipolar - prognosis: permanent medication/professional help, hopeful continued euthymic bipolar stasis. Continued dialectical behavioral vigilance identity building while in therapy for continued suppression of social anxiety and abandonment/persecutory ideals.
TL/DR:
The question herein, and summary, is a query into whether anyone with relevant diagnoses and in this stage of recovery, has a problem with getting into confrontations (with people or situations) and seeing their worth in being legitimately bothered by someone who is being rude or is hurting their feelings because they are afraid they are being "Too bipolar" or "Too Manic" or "Too (illness related sensitivity)" - can they relate to this feeling of alienation caused by being in the corridor of getting better, feeling better, and the two sides of sane or other? Do you sometimes feel held back by your clinical diagnosis? Does becoming more aware of growth towards stability and away from symptoms cause you to feel confused on the next step?
Thank you for reading!
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self.bipolar
|
World view Americans always lack filial piety I notice non Americans especially those from mainland Asia often speak of America as being a nation where children are rebels against their parents and disrespectful towards thems. They seem to make America out as always a nation that never had a sense of filial piety.
While this is true for modern America, there was a time where in American culture respect towards parents and filial piety was necessary in order to fit in American society. I have an uncle who explained how filial piety in America was like during his time:
''When I was a teen back in the 30s, I remember how other other kids including teenagers such as myself back in that period were required to respect our parents show a sense of filial piety. In those days a parent who had children without any sense of filial piety was seen as a social failure and weakling. I remember how I would see other teens get slapped in the face for yelling at their parents and being disrespect ful in public. As a whole children even teenagers showed deep respect towards their parents. If not they would either be kicked out of the family and disowned or beaten badly. I still remember how every time I showed disrespect to my mother my father would punch me till I got bruises and bled. After a few beatings I never showed disrespect again. My parents were so serious about making me have filial piety up to the point they felt it reflected to the town we lived in as our much of a proper citizen they were. A parent who had children who yelled or answered back was seen as weak and incompetent and a failure in society back in those days. Now a days parents don't seem to make it necessary that children be respectful.''
My grandma who grew up in the 1920s told me:
"Back in those days you always showed respect at the dinner table. No talking was allowed while eating meals and only parents were allowed to speak freely. I remember how every time I got involved in conversation between my parents my mother would tell me "You keep quiet. I didn't give you permission to speak ." It was even wrong and rude to try to correct an adult who wasn't eating as a mannered person would. I will never forget the time how when I told my mother she was not acting proper at dinner because she had one of her shoulders on the table she suddenly came to me and slapped and later stated that I had no right to correct her and that it was rude and disrespectful. She told me only adults could correct other adults on the table.''
My grandpa on my dad's side told me
"In those days (30s) you couldn't marry anyone as freely as you chose or choose any job you want. I remember how I was going to marry a sweethart I had years ago when suddenly my mother refused to allow me to marry her because she felt she was too modern and loose(as in liberal in today's vocab). When I said I'm going to marry her regardless what she thinks, my mother told me that if I married her I will be disowned and kicked out of the family. In the end I had to break from that relationship. "
He also told me:
"I remember how when I was in college I wanted to be a scientist. My mother refused and told me to become an accountant. When I told her that I will not become an engineer she threatened to cut funds for college and even to disown me because she had a strong dislike for scientists because science interfered with her conservative religious beliefs. I ended up becoming an accountant."
So how come non Americans particularly Asians make it out that America was always a nation without filial piety? By the way how my older relatives describe how society was like during their days, Americans were just as strict in requiring respect from children and in requiring filial piety as much as oriental cultures! SO HOW COME ORIENTALS OFTEN MAKE IT SEEM AMERICA ALWAYS HAD A REBELIOUS YOUTH CULTURE?!?
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self.offmychest
|
I’m really only here because I don’t want to hurt my parents.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Why can I not make friends I try to talk to people and be open to meeting new people but it is hard. For one, I always forget if I have met someone already. This makes for awkward situations after we get to talking and I realize we have met before. I feel like an idiot.
Also, I have been talking to people before and I’ll be trying to say positive things, and things that are on my mind. The response I get is something along the lines of “oh wow you’re so relatable” In a joking way. Something very dismissive and it makes me very depressed. I feel so distant.
|
self.Anxiety
|
DAE get upset and can't put it into words? Like you don't know what's wrong, you just know stuff is wrong? Or if someone asks you legit have no idea, you just know you're upset and can't even pin an exact emotion on it? That's me right now. I couldn't even text or call a person or crisis line because I have nothing to say. It's weird.
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self.bipolar
|
Started Medication for GAD I've had GAD probably since I was a 6 year old, but was diagnosed at about age 14. I tried Celexa in high school but didn't like it. I thought maybe I didn't really have the disorder and that's why the medication and such wasn't working. When I went to college I pretty much just pretended I didn't have GAD or depression!
Now I'm 25 and was diagnosed again with GAD and depression. I've been trying to manage it for the last year without medication (therapy, meditation, exercise, diet, sleep, gardening). My husband encouraged me to try medication since it's been taking a huge toll on our relationship and just my quality of life.
I started taking duloxetine (symbalta off-brand) about 30 days ago and I immediately felt a difference on the first day (throat tightness, muscle stiffness, difficulty sleeping, but also a feeling of well-being). I was nervous because of the side-effects, but my mood was so much better. I felt much less panicked, and was able to go about my day so much more normally. I had no idea how difficult it was to pay attention until my mind stopped racing. I didn't know my mind was racing so much until the racing thoughts slowed down! I am so relieved! It's so much easier to control my thoughts and panic. I'm often much less irritable. I don't want to be on medication for forever if I don't have to be, but I am glad I wasn't afraid to at least give it a try. It feels like my whole personality is different, in good ways. As though parts of my personality were stifled because of my GAD, and now they're showing up a bit more frequently.
Just excited to share my bit of hope on the journey to managing anxiety!!!
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self.Anxiety
|
So afraid I'm currently on my way to army Behavioral Health, I'm terrified I am going to be locked up again. I hate being hospitalized and locked up around other people who could be crazier than me. My career is over and that's ok, I guess?
Edit: everything was fine. I always overreact.
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self.bipolar
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Getting Dark So This Will Be My Last Post Of Anything I'm letting my last post be for this reddit. Though I know only like 10 people will actually read it. Oh well.. goodbye everyone.
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self.depression
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I am the stupidest, most worthless man in the world. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Trying to use humour to get over being on an antidepressant... Hope you are all okay.
https://imgur.com/gallery/Za7hG
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self.depression
|
Spent around 8 hours creating food for a family dinner. Spent around 8 hours creating food for a family dinner only. To see my dad buy junk food for everyone. It tasted lovely but i was the only one eating so that made it feel so shit.
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self.depression
|
Feel like my life was over before it started The second I lose the last remaining people who would care if I died I'd be gone, I should've succeeded my other attempts and they could've gotten over it by now
I never got to enjoy anything long term, I was born into mental illness and can never make it go away, I can't be fixed and just need the freedom to end it
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self.SuicideWatch
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When I dream I'm never anxious or have any form of dp/Dr. Anyone else? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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It's been 6 years and I still miss my dad so much [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Getting through the holidays? Anyone have any tips for managing depression during the holiday season? I don’t know any of my extended family and my parents haven’t loved each other in years. My depression always gets so much worse when I see everyone having these grand family get-togethers and spending time with a ton of people who they love and who love them, because I’ve never had that and I never will.
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self.depression
|
Waking up. I apologize in advance if this makes no chronological sense/the general format, and is an unintelligible wall of text.
I feel like I've finally woken up to a reality that I am shocked and disgusted by, and I’m so ashamed that this is the life that I’ve led.
I'm a 25 year old "college graduate." I use that term loosely because the only reason I received my degree was because I was able to float through with a ~2.0 average (C’s get degrees haha!), and beg enough teachers to pity me and pass me in the courses I was failing.
I spent my time in college:
-smoking weed
-playing video games
-getting blackout drunk in a fraternity I had no business being in, trying to chase girls way out of my league
I say this because going into University, people told me that I should be proud of myself and they were proud of me. My older brother and I were raised by a single, immigrant mother. We had a household income that was just enough over the poverty line to not be able to receive any federal assistance.
My mother was able to work 2-3 jobs and push me to a point where I somehow received a full ride to a top 25 University. (I would argue that it was because I got into a niche degree that had few applicants but I digress)
And what did I do with that golden opportunity? Absolutely nothing.
My only concerns while I was at university was to work enough hours that I could smoke weed and buy alcohol to sufficiently fade myself into an oblivious trance. My mother paid for rent, she paid for my fraternity dues, she called everyday trying to help me succeed; sentences that disgust when I remember how I reacted to them.
I ended up quitting or being fired from every student job I had. Some lasted a few months, one lasted a year (I even worked my way up, was promoted, received a raise). All off stupidity, impulse, or a desire to skip work and get high too many times.
The summer before my senior year, I’m able to get a job as an intern for a professional sports team; something I had always wanted and felt that I would finally work hard for. The weekend before fall semester, I rupture my achilles playing pickup basketball. I was terrified at the possibility and believed the school health center doctor when he told me it was just a contusion (bruise). After limping my way around campus for 3 weeks, I finally get an MRI and discover that its ruptured and will need surgery. I kept my mother in the dark for all of this. The day before I go into surgery, I inform her of everything. Like a spoiled brat, I’m angry with her when she comes to visit me before she has surgery. She tells me she’s been diagnosed with breast cancer. To write this all out now, and to think of how I continued to lead my life kills me.
After surgery, I spend my time doing the only thing I knew how to do: play video games. When I return to University, I spent my entire time playing League of Legends while I watched my peers graduate and move on with their lives. I stay for a 5th year due to failing some of my courses as a freshman/sophomore. I probably spent at least 10 hours a day playing video games or just trying any way to distract myself on the internet. All while high off the money my mom had been giving me for me to complete school. Not studying, not finding a job, not doing anything but selfishly feeling sorry for myself, I wasn’t even trying.
After somehow graduating I come home. I could not have been more of a typical neckbeard at this point. I play video games all day, I babyraged at my mother whenever she mentioned that I shouldn’t be smoking weed in her house. I tell her its the only way of coping with the shitty life that I now had. The only times I left my room were to eat. I eventually give in to my mothers demand to get a job, one at a local community college. It pays well, the people are lovely and its generally a great work environment.
Slowly but surely, my life begins to show small improvements. I began exercising again, I began socializing and reconnecting with some of my friends who had been there for me my entire life. We adopted a dog that brought joy and a sense of family back into our home. For the first time in a long time, I begin to feel whole again. For 6 months I was taking incremental steps toward being a normal contributor to society and finding full time employment.
And then I run off getting into a relationship.
I met this girl on a dating app. For some reason, I had the audacity to think that I was ready for a relationship while I was barely holding my own life together. She told me about how hard her family life was, how everyone had given up on her, how she had been abused. I listened, my mom opened up her heart and gave this girl a place to sleep when she was having difficulties with her roommates. She listened to me, she smoked and seemed to genuinely care about everything I said, and I felt like I finally found someone who just loved me for me. We run away together one night after my mom attempts to tell me that this girl is not healthy and is using me (after knowing the girl for little more than a month….). I quit a well-paying administrative job that had very real possibilities of becoming full time work. I tell my lifelong friends to go fuck themselves after they showed up to my door hoping to intervene.
Fast forward 3 months, 5.5K of debt, and many a sleepless night arguing or in a hospital after a feigned suicide attempt, and the relationship is over. I came crawling back to my mother to try and fix this situation I had gotten myself into, admitting to how stupid of a mistake I had made. The girl had no one and no means of paying the rent after losing her jobs during the hospital stays: she’s now moved to another state. My mother sold the house while I was away out of fear, and out of a belief that all parties needed to move on with their lives.
So here I am now. I have no friends, I have no job, I’ve not only ruined my own life but dragged that girl down with me. I’m now living in a condo with my poor mother who’s given her life to just give me a chance that she never had. I’ve been sober for 16 days, slowly but surely letting the reality sink in from the decisions I’ve made leading up to this point. All of those selfish, impulsive, childish decisions.
I don’t know how to move on from all of this. I’ve seen psychologists and addiction specialists, but no amount of drugs in the world is going to fix the fact that I’ve been running from responsibility and accountability. I have no one to blame but myself.
I know there are so many people who have had it so much worse than me, and I know that for so long I’ve been a whiny entitled bitch who feels like the world owes him something and has just been wallowing in self-pity.
For now, I'm applying for jobs and trying to find some semblance of self confidence to move forward, and I hope one day I can give back to all those that invested in me.
Thank you for reading.
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self.depression
|
I have one of the worst habits I've ever seen! I am generally a friendly and welcoming person. I also try to help people and have their backs.. I try to be empathetic and to put myself in others' shoes always.. I say these things because I actually try to be this way..
However, I've noticed I have a habit that is just awful.. After I know a person for a while I tend to start reading too much into social cues and behaviors, which ends up in me noticing the bad things of those people and start thinking that they are doing unpolite things on purpose.. Ultimately, this somehow always results in me distancing from this person, or slowly resenting them until some indirect or direct conflict occurs..
I've spent a very long time unaware of this behavior until very recently where I've realized about this pattern with most of the people I meet. I've noticed that when drinking in social events, I become very aware about the environment, its people, and my actions.. So I suspect that the same might be happening in my every day life at unnoticeable levels, and that this could be the reason of the problem.. Anyhow, I'd like it if I could stop doing this, I would like to stop reading too much into people's behavior and our interactions.. It sounds so simple but it becomes very complex to try and fix it, it just sorta happens..
Does this sound relatable to any of you? What advices do you have? How can I deal with this and be a better person?
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self.offmychest
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Please read this I'm having a serious depression lately. Someone please PM me. I really need someone to talk with, none of my friends care about me. I begged for their help, but not a single one answer.
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self.depression
|
How to deal with the guilt of bipolar I've noticed recently a extreme burden of guilt building up as the last 3 years ive been medicine wise disobedient and unstable. Ive done horrible things and i do not know how to cope now that i properly take my meds and am pretty stable. especially to a ex girlfriend, my family and a few close friends.
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self.bipolar
|
Does anyone get really anxious when they eat around other people? I find that I feel really pressured when I eat as people are looking at me, and as a result you don't really enjoy your food or eat a lot.
Does anyone else feel this way?
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm broken. Need advice! Hello! I am depressed and I have no real friends. I am broken now, and I have decided to be completely objective in how I seek help (no self victimization). I am 23, in college, only had one 3 week relationship. I cannot seem to create connections with others. I've tried many methods of self growth over the past two years, but nothing is working; weight lifting, boxing, yoga, meditation, excercise, medication, therapy, writing, running, nomadic travel, affirmatiins, and being more authentic. I honestly don't know what to do. I stay in my apartment because I don't know what to actually DO. I also don't know how to find energy towards being happy. Please send me an idea! Anything!!
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self.depression
|
Is lifting a healthy form of self harm? Walking home yesterday I really wanted to hurt myself. I just need to feel something and punish myself. I told my friend and she was very against me cutting or anything like that. Is lifting a good way to hurt myself that won’t upset people?
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self.depression
|
I did it. I got the meds. I did the thing. I've been avoiding it for over a year now, and finally made the leap to get back on some form of medication. And the craziest thing is happening...it's getting better.
I had to share this moment of victory. Thanks for indulging me :)
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self.bipolar
|
Hopeless My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me a month ago. Yesterday he came over to my parents house where im staying to pick up our daughter. He told me he's seeing someone. I hate feeling like this. I was there for him through everything. We were a family. My life sucks. I can't even get a decent paying job. My DACA expired. My daughters don't deserve this. I wish i could run away. I feel defeated. I hate that i love him.
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self.depression
|
Dude what My mother and best female friend both told me today that I suck, in different words. I'm trying so hard to talk to people and act positively. I'm doing more family things and torturing myself with anxiety 24/7, just to get constantly shat on. I get that people don't understand anxiety, but dude. What. Being told I appear to be going downhill and I'm better to be around when I'm sleeping. By my mom and "best friend." What. It's not even drug related. Why. Why. Why?
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self.depression
|
4 out of 5 psychiatrists For background - I have had 4 doctors diagnose me with bipolar and another support the diagnosis.
Problem - my current psychiatrist doesn't know if I have bipolar. I've said that I'm not sure. My part in the problem is that I don't tell him the "typical" bipolar symptoms I have because I'm worried he will think I'm making them up to get a bipolar dx. I do this because I don't want to seem like I'm disagreeing with him and wanting attention. He's very collaborative and kind so he's not authoritarian and difficult.
I was hospitalised and was totally open with the hospital doc who my doctor reported to me "was strongly of the opinion I had bipolar"
I talked to him about it today but still didn't say what I meant and told him I was scared of the diagnosis and didn't care (but I do!!)
He's treating me with an antipsychotic and mood stabilizers anyway.
What should I do? It's doing my head in.
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self.bipolar
|
I want to die. I hate my life. I am married to a man in the navy. We have 2 young boys that have autism. I also have parents that are aging and they are a 14 hr drive or a very expensive plane ticket.
I have no support with our kids. My husband ship is home right now but he works 12 hr days and some of them are longer. The kids need a lot of support. I get them up for pre k and elementary school. Then I take them to their therapies. It is a very long days and I am usually exhausted from them. My oldest son is 6 and he gets up in the middle of the night. I am either up with him or I have major anxiety while trying to rest. I get between 2 to 4 hrs of sleep every night.
My parents I have a major issue. My dad had a major stroke in 2008 and then a minor one 2 yrs ago. He is not in good health. He does not follow drs orders and does not stick to a diet. He also falls a lot, he can't get his feet under him right.
My mom is another thing. She is constantly cussing me out. Talking bad about my kids. Putting me down because if my weight or telling me I am a bad mom. Then she says she always hurting and in pain. That she is starving and needs help. Then when I offer to go home she says no I hate you and I don't want to see you. Then she tells everyone else in the family I am a bad daughter. I am an only child too. I am the only person they have. I don't know what to do.
I am so depressed and beat down. I have been thinking about killing myself. I think my husband doesn't love me. He isn't home much but I feel that when he is home he doesn't spend time with me. Then I don't get any time away from the kids to be me. Hell I need a fucking nap badly. I feel not appreciated. I do so much work in house. I am constantly cleaning after the kids. They make huge messes and I am always on them. I think my mom enjoys torturing me. She cusses me out daily and tells me that she hates me and I am useless. I want to kill myself. I am tired of hurting. I am tired of not being myself anymore. I am tired of not being understood by my husband and feeling he doesn't care. I need a break from my kids. I am tired of my mom treating me like shit. If I die tomorrow no one would care or even notice I dead. Why am I still here?
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self.SuicideWatch
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ive had it cant feel this pain much longer, self harms not even taking it away
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self.SuicideWatch
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Can't feel for anyone. Never have I felt without pain. Feeling for someone, anyone, friend or more, is supposed to feel like butterflies, excitement when you're about to see them, bliss when you are with them, perhaps a small bit of sadness when you are away from each other which is relieved when you hear they miss you too.
The only butterflies I've gotten from anyone were birthed from lies and empty claims. My "butterflies" are the deep feeling of emptiness I feel when every day I have a new reason to think everyone will leave me. The (hundredth) realization that I'm truly not loved.
The excitement is not matched for you. To you I'm nothing new, nothing great. Just an old toy you used to play with when I was shiny and new. I don't get excitement from other people, no one truly gets me and I know this. I feel close to no one and even if I wanted to build a relationship with someone, I couldn't.
When I'm with people sometimes I am happy about my false perception of others, thinking they actually give a fuck for once. When I'm with you I am happy until I reach for you and you pull away. Until you talk about your future, and I'm nowhere to be found in it. Until you pull out your phone and I have to wonder what girl you're talking to that you'd much rather have over me. Until I remember that I'm only a chapter in your story, and you are a whole book in mine.
When I'm away from others I feel lonely, but happy that I get to spend time with the only person who won't judge me, the only person I'm comfortable around- myself. When I'm away from you it's relief that's somehow paired with paranoia.
Relief because I don't have to walk on eggshells. My foot, being me, and who I am. The ground being the hard unforgiving foundation of our "relationship" that will never soften because you have already told me you would never love me. The shells my sense of worth, my self esteem. Being with you has crushed my idea of me being able to be enough, for once. I feel crushed and broken when the smallest things I do set you off. Everything I do is annoying.
I try to busy myself when you're away. I have a good time. But you're still in the back of my head. I already know I will make a desperate attempt at getting you to say that you missed me too.
And even if you did, I know that's a lie.
I'm just someone to keep you company, to take care of you. Someone to give you sex when you want, how you want.
Then I realize you're just like the others. You don't care what I want. Everything is just to please you. Do people ever change? Is there a chance I will ever fall for someone who will actually love me for who I am?
You and the others have completely destroyed the faith I have in anyone and everyone. My walls are built so high and so strong. They have no way to get around, even for myself. I feel myself trying to dig underneath them, that's the only way I can enjoy anything. To completely avoid my problems and after I'm done having my fun, just slip back under. The hole keeps getting deeper and deeper because there's no use in trying to take down something that is impossible to destroy.
Maybe one day someone will be patient with me and help me take it down. Maybe one day I will be happy. All I want is love.
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self.depression
|
Have been waiting to be ready for a trauma assessment for YEARS. The front desk lady wrote down the wrong appointment time, causing me to miss it. I had to take time off of work. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I should've listened. I'm sorry. I'm ruining us. All the way at the beginning I was sure you wanted me and I knew for an absolute fact I needed you. You warned me of many things that would keep us afloat, and I shrugged of every single one. I didn't listen, I half assed my end of things. I have been great to you, I've treated you well, but I didn't do the things that mattered. I didn't take care of myself. I didn't fix my issues. I didn't love myself. I brought you down with me. It's all my fault and we're on the brink of falling apart. I feel like I'm going to faint, dizzy, nauseous, I know it's all my fault. You were my first real girlfriend, you were my first everything. I'm naive, you called it from a mile away. You're unhappy now, you're unattracted now, you need space now. I shouldn't have laughed off all the things you saw would happen. We could have been in a good spot if I held up my end, we could've gone for the long haul, you weren't ready for a lifer, you might never have been, and apparently, I wasn't even close. I still love you, I still want you, I still want to make it right. Please don't end it, don't let me end us, let me prove I'll listen this time. It shouldn't have come this far, but I couldn't see it until it was happening right in front of me. We've both been loyal, we've been honest, but I've been a stubborn asshole, and that's our biggest problem. Me.
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self.offmychest
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NO I DO NOT WANT TO HOLD YOUR UGLY LITTLE SHIT BAG Sorry, I'm at work and I just needed to make this post before I scream at this chick. She's brought her baby to work and is literally walking around making everyone hold it. Then she made a big fucking deal when she got to me and I wouldn't hold her kid. I just want to yell at this b!tch right now.
Why do these people think it is a privilege for everyone else to hold *their* baby. Your kid isn't special; in fact it's super fucking ugly and it smells like a trashcan. Nobody wants to hold your little sack of shit, they are just humoring you.
Also bringing your baby to the workplace is just rude in general. Leave that shit at home.
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self.offmychest
|
Emetophobic, just ate rare steak and I'm freaking out Hey everyone,
So I just had a very rare steak that I think was seared properly. My anxiety is going crazy and I also have some minor sharp stomach cramps that just popped up. I finished eating about 30 minutes ago and I also used the same tongs from start to finish.
This is my first time eating a steak that rare and although it tasted amazing I'm really getting scared.
Any thoughts? It was butchered, frozen and then placed in a fridge for a day.
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self.Anxiety
|
I have terrible anxiety let’s start with that ever since I took Molly (ecstasy) but that’s a completely different topic. For the last 5 - 6 months I’ve had terrible stomach pains a got an ultrasound I believe it’s called and they saw nothing but the pain is getting worse. When I drink alcohol it hel [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I am 60 yrs old - lived w/depression 40+ yrs - have run out of lies to keep going Not sure what to say here or what I'm looking for or what to expect by posting this or even why I'm writing this out.
Maybe I'm trying to convince myself to keep trying but I have seriously run out of reasons to keep going. Since life itself has no inherant meaning except for what you choose it to mean (came to that conclusion just recently - wish I had discovered it a long time ago) I have spent decades living one lie after another.
I have alienated family and friends to the point where I don't even mention my feelings - it's easier to screw a smile on my face and pretend it's all ok. No one wants to be around someone who is constantly depressed and I don't blame them.
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self.depression
|
I just don't want to live Listen I don't want to live. I don't want to. Simple as that. Nothing really makes me want to live. There's not nearly enough in life to justify me living. So why shouldn't I end it? I want to because I don't want to live.
Again. I don't want to live.
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self.SuicideWatch
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this has been the best week of my life [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I just want everything to end, all is meaningless. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Hey. Hey guys...
First of all pls don’t make fun of my English I’m from german and did not have the best school here.
Im struggling to Weide something here cause I never thought that I am depressed or whatever but I have every damn day that one feeling- the feeling of hate. It’s the hate to myself and well I think not a single person out there loves or likes me even my parents did not wanted me I lived like 6 years in and childhouse (idk what it reale means so there are some child’s and one or two ppl that are looking for us)
So I decided to start playing an online game (world of Warcraft) back than I found a rly nice guild on the German server Amahntul(special thanks to my Guild DDP)
I know my story is not that hard like others here but I rly wanted to tell some ppl may they start playing an online game where you can play with other ppl you will always find some nice ppl even if it’s one anyone in such games are rly nice and will never betray you or anything everyone ist everytime there to talk with you and nobody ever will make fun of you!
So back to main point my Story is not the hardest here but I just want to tell you guys that I always have this feeling in my stomach of loneliness and this feeling only goes away if I play with some of my online friends (my only friends of course)
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I just want someone to lend me an ear Hello, a quick preface -- I have horrible anxiety but I have not seen any medical professional about it. I am therefore dealing with it day to day. At this moment I am in a vulnerable place and I just need to vent completely. Right now, I am studying abroad. I am 2 months in and still have 2 months to go. I am overwhelmed right now. I have made some superficial friends here, but not ones I can really hang out with any time or what not, so I am for all intent and purposes all alone. For the last two years I've had some bad luck in terms of health (nothing serious, overall relatively minor things but they can be painful and really hurt my quality life in addition to my anxiety). I am definitely a bit of a hypochondriac, which of course doesn't help. Normally I would try to put myself in a room with friends to help keep my mind off these health things that are bothering me. It does help. But abroad here I don't really have that luxury, and I live alone in a small room. My mind goes crazy when I am alone and I end up googling what to do if and when these health issues I'm experiencing get worse -- which subsequently makes me even more anxious and more afraid. I'm nervous about doing anything outside because of it. I want to enjoy myself but I'm constantly scared I'll be in pain all of a sudden. I'm not afraid to see doctors, and I know I can if something flares up and gets bad, but I am not familiar with how to access medical care in the country I am in, which only adds to my anxiety and my fear even more. I can't break this cycle of panic. I want to call my mother and yell and cry and ask for help but she, while still a very caring mother, thinks its all in my head and doesn't really know how to deal with me in this state. I am overwhelmed, afraid and very lonely. I can't stop thinking about how this headache is something worse or that this swelling is, in my head, DEFINITELY going to be infected and require surgical drainage or that I'll need to wait to see a doctor or something. I am so overwhelmed and so afraid. I don't think I should have studied abroad but I'm too far in and too far away from the end.
Thank you if anyone read this.
I just needed to yell it out, figuratively speaking.
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self.Anxiety
|
I think my 75mg is working. I know 75mg is a small dose, but I think it's legitimately working. I haven't noticed much arbitrary melancholy or depression without a reason. Finally.
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self.depression
|
Need all medication recommendation So listen, I don't know if I'm a monodepressive, or a bipolar depressive type 2, but honestly I'm not gonna beat around the bush, I've been infected with that brainshit since maybe even before I was a teenager and I've just got enough of it.
I just want to get to know the heaviest, nastiest shit I can get hooked up on, I want the good stuff that works, no homeopathy or hogwash, I don't give a damn about addiction or side effects and I'll turn my brain into porridge if I have to because it's either I get some results in my life already or I'm fucking myself up this very year. Do NOT bother me about therapy, please, that's my business.
So I would kindly ask you, about three things if you please:
- Are prescription anti-depressants and mood stabilizers worth it and can I still do great things in my life if I end up being permanently put under
- What is the heaviest, most potent options I can buy over-the-counter, stuff that WORKS, proven, I don't care aobut side effects if it works. It can't be any worse than what's happening right now.
- And what my physician said when I asked the above question was, 'Micronutrition'. He's given me some paper from some big pharma company, apparently I'm to take three things called NeuroDyn, DopaDyn and SeroDyn, for a total of about 100$ a month non-covered by welfare with 'three months to take effect', the company in question being called 'BioNutrics', etc etc. I don't trust that at all. Seems to me like the new trendy homeopathy now that people are starting to realize small balls of succussed sugar aren't going to cure their PTSD or anxiety disorder. Please tell me what you know about Micronutrition, I'd like some real credible evidence on how it can actually give me more serotonin.
You would be doing me a great service. I don't really know where else to go, all those medical papers I found online are so opaque and many of them feel really too tied to Big Pharma to be geniune. I tried so very hard for so very long to be a winner, but it's just completely out of my hands now, my own body and mind are completely out of control and since so long and without getting any, I just need SOMETHING, and stat. I've done everything I was told, I did therapy, I did meditation, I did sports until my knees ached and I stared straight at the god damn sun in the morning just in the hope it would fix my sleep schedule. I still feel just endless pain, sparsely intertwinned with preciously short rushes of energy (hence bipolar type II? Fuck me). Soooo long story short... I need medication, like, immediately, and I don't wanna waste anyone's money on stuff that won't work.
That's all. And for all of you other depressed types populating this sub, have you tried taking up a creative hobby? I make up characters and they fill in the blanks when people find out I'm a 'case' and they turn their back on me... No really, it's a lot less pitiful than it sounds if you get good at it. Concept artists are basically paid to do that and I mean go talk to these nerds, they draw the people they wish they were dating! Learn to draw. At least it's *something* you'd be doing, right?
PS: Any of you can't stand this fucking 'get help cause you're worth it' add...?
|
self.depression
|
Eating meals alone at college has to be one of the single worst feelings one can experience at college I feel awful right now, orientation was okay i guess, made a few acquaintances but thats it, i feel i dont really have any friends yet, i just transferred to this school, living on my own for the first time, and ive always struggled making friends, and just sitting here in the dining hall by myself just makes me want to burst into tears, maybe going away isnt and never will be for me :/, sucks how my whole life i cant seem to make friends, then finally i make 2 really good friends and i move away and im back to square one, fuck me seriously, i just cant win
|
self.depression
|
I wrote a poem Some thoughts...
A star-shining night:
So calm,
Peaceful
And bright.
Only I, my thoughts
And insignificant hopes.
All people’s dreams,
Fly on the night’s wings.
Where do they fly?
Why do they fly?
And why do people cry,
When dreams are so high?
Maybe,
because they are too far?
They are just like a flare star:
Often change their brightness...
From dark.
To bright.
To dark.
To the night.
|
self.depression
|
I hate my life, my past and being autistic [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
The biggest frustration: We waste so much time being depressed. Sure, we all think of dying, it being 'over'. But sometimes I also think, what if I get happy in about 5 years. Then I wasted a huge period of time being depressed. I wish that I could start over. That when I get happy I can start over with that emotion, because I feel I wasted so so much precious time. Its all we got and we are miserable. It feels like a bonus punishment, like 'hey, be miserable but also be miserable while you waste away your life which you never get back'
|
self.depression
|
I hate rich girls but i am also attracted to them. No shit! I love how beautiful they are and their looks are just incredible and flawless. But it seems to me that they might be outside of my league. They seem like these far away things to achieve that only wealthy business-men or some other elite men type will get. I please bear with me, i know im projecting but in no way shape or form i want to come off as mysoginistic or feminist or whatever.
Its just so hard to even talk to them, and when i do i cant help but feel inferior. Im a pretty confident dude, im a nerd , i workout. But i dont know, maybe im just fucked in the head.
Where i live you have to be the tipical pretty-boy to get with one of these goddesses, cool hair-style, 200 pictures on instagram, listens to the latest cool house music, drive a car etc etc.
This is just my rambling, any comments are welcome but please if you feel this urge inside you to comment "sexist" , "you place women on a pedestal" i just want you to know that i've heard them all, and i try not to do those things but at the same time am expressing my honest thoughts.
|
self.offmychest
|
I Hate Everyone This has been going on for over a year now, I'm 23. I had drug induced psychosis a year ago too during that time I revealed things to friends that I wish I didn't while having the worst paranoia. I've been to Psychiatrists twice and they've said it takes time to recover and struggling with a lot of anxiety based paranoia and depression. Lately I've just had this hated over everyone. Ive kept it to myself and just been putting on a front. In general I'm kind but sometimes I'm very quiet due to these feelings. I don't feel I can trust anyone anymore not even my closest friends. I'm very paranoid of the way they act around me and it makes me wonder if they've told people things I've shared that are very personal. I don't know what to do anymore because the minute I begin to feel these feelings (which I feel I should as there's clearly some meaning behind them) I worry that I'm wrong and everyone will stab me in the back and THEN my beginning fear will come true if it's not true already. I just want to give up on everyone, move away and start again sometimes. I fucking hate it
|
self.depression
|
Was drunk last night and wrote notes to my friends and family, woke up to find this one and cried. Dear Me,
I know how hurt you are, I know how sad you are. But one day, one damn day, you’re gonna look back and think, wow, times sucked back then, but I got through them. I’m happy with my family of four and I’m happy with my beautiful wife. The Godfather of my children is my best friend and they always ask to see him and we always do. We wake up every Sunday morning to eat pancakes and head to Church. I work at a job that helps take care of my children and wife, plus I make enough to hand over some money to my mom and dad. I’m happy with my life and don’t wish any bad upon myself or wish to die anymore.
At least, I wish that’s how my life could’ve been.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm an introvert and I'm at a thing now where I'm surrounded by people all the time. This really drains my energy and when I'm low on energy I want to die. Any tips on how I'm supposed to go through this? The whole day I've felt sad but without reason to.
|
self.depression
|
When I'm not depressed, I'm anxious. When I'm not anxious, I'm depressed. I was finally feeling something. After a few weeks of nothing but numbness, I felt something. I was ready to get out of bed. I was ready to start being productive. I was ready to start living. But then there it was.: the dread that pounded in my chest. It awoke after the weeks of slumber, and it was not planning on going anywhere.
It is just an endless ride that I have had the pleasure of experiencing for as long as I can remember. A burst of hope that goes as quickly as it came followed by relentless agitation. I honestly don't know why I expected this time to be any different.
Now I'm just waiting for the apathy to return, so I can sleep once more.
|
self.depression
|
Anxiety about therapy? I've tried several therapists. Each time I felt the overwhelming anxiety in each visit, feel like no progress is being made, and then inevitably quit going.
Is therapy not for me? For the most part I have good coping mechanisms. Centering myself, being mindful, knowing what is a normal thought and what is anxiety. I just lose all control to overwhelming anxiety regularly now. I regularly have public panic attacks and cannot under any effort bring myself under control. Even if I stay relatively calm, I feel absolutely sick from the stress.
What should I do? I get six free therapy visits from my work, so I'm going to try again. I'm just tired and scared watching my mental health decline while knowing what I can do to help and having everything still be bad.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Does any one else experience a lot of psychosomatic symptoms? I've lately been feeling exhausted. When I'm going through an anxious period, I get migraines, excruciating abdominal pain, heartburn, and what feels like a lump in my throat.
It drains my energy. I know that psychosomatic symptoms occur and that they are just as valid as naturally occurring ones. The pain is still real. It's just a lot sometimes. How do you deal with it? If you know you are having an anxious day and then this physical pain kicks in, how do you prevent it from controlling your life?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Most "depressed" people I know are actually pretty cool and more often than not bad-asses Wouldn't be cool if we could get all these people in the same patch of land and build our little secret state free of bullshit, free of degrees, free of stinking interviews, free of "bosses" who don't know anything more than you despite we've been told otherwise, free of floating currencies, free of empty foods. Sewage would be a problem. Birth control of course mandatory in our nation, having kids would be a privilege, not a right to any dumbass. Monthly inspections on everyone's properties to ensure there's no child-rapists or women-kidnappers in our neighborhood.
I don't know man, most times I feel we just have to stop comparing ourselves with others, our lives are always going to be different, there's no magic formula, it's tough creating a new path instead of following an existing one but in the end it's so rewarding you will crave the dopamine spikes all over again...
I don't know, just my two cents after stumbling on this reddit by chance (google searches) Dreaming is still free of taxes. Out.
|
self.depression
|
Nostalgy rules my life Hi, could you please advise me, what can I do? I'm very sensitive, cyclothymic person and I have terrible problem with accept changes and tranzisions in life. I'm so attached to so many animals, people and places... I worry about their health all the time. My imagination is so catastrophic. I have also thanatophobia. Because I'm sensitive and allergic to meds, I am looking to some others ways to cope with that. I really think my most meaningful life is in the past. I love to write and my text are almost always about passing and are so depressive. I don't seem depressed, maybe mildly, but my huge triggers are connected with this vulnerability to change. How can make my existence full and coherent, when I have so many reflexions about changes and things I will lose? It seems I've always been like that, but now when I'm older, I worry for future. Does anybody had like that and really change this thinking?
|
self.bipolar
|
I want to live, but I also want to die. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Is it just me who obsessively tidies when they are down to avoid intense feelings of guilt? I've had this since I was a kid. When I'm going through a low period, I obsessively tidy things away otherwise I just have these intense feelings of guilt, like I am ungrateful otherwise. The same with wasting food, it literally makes me feel guilty to see fruit going off in the fruit bowl. Does anyone else experience this or do I just have a weird quirk?
|
self.depression
|
“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.” [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
When they say it gets better, are they lying so i dont harm myself? my mental state was neglected by my parents up till my breakdowns became worse and they finally believed me. started by going to my GP, then to a therapist, guidance counsellor, psychiatrist (where i was medicated for a year), and finally a psychotherapist and CBT. None of them made any improvement on my mental stability or intrusive thoughts, only showed me how to bottle it better and keep it better hidden. ive experiemented with drugs and none of them other than mdma made me feel any bit better.
when is it time to call it quits and accept that it doesnt get better?
|
self.depression
|
Lonely -I have work friends that i hangout with once in a while
-I do have family and we meet over the weekends
-I have this feeling of loneliness since my first break up and it has been with me eversince. Sucks alot to have no one to talk to at the end of the day. Tough luck trying to find a date. I feel like i’m trapped. How long will this loneliness and depression prolong? What can i do about it? I am deep in depression, at the stage of emotional numbness. I can’t feel emotions. I feel lost. Help.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Can anyone tell me the difference between regular CBT vs ACT vs DBT (regarding the treatment of anxiety) what has your experience been in terms of differences in effectiveness and application?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I just can't stay here anymore TW: abortion, suicide , cutting, bpd [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Extreme Exhaustion Hello Everyone,
Wanted to ask if anyone here feels extreme exhaustion from their brain because of meds, how did you cope with that?
|
self.bipolar
|
My mom found out about my affair and I snapped [removed]
|
self.offmychest
|
How do I make life choices (like in university) when I can't figure out what I want out of life? I'm currently attending university and I'm really messing up things there. I don't enjoy part of the classes as much as I thought I would and I've come to realise that I basically picked the wrong thing.
Now I'm thinking of switching subjects, mostly based on what I want to do in life as a guiding compass, but mostly due to my depression I don't even know what life can/will offer me or what I want to make out of it.
How do you make such a choice when your mind is too clouded to see through things?
|
self.depression
|
Hi. I think I have depression. Is this possible? I said I think, because it doesn't make me sad, it makes me angry and mad, then I break stuff, I wanna break myself, then I drop on the floor and cry because I can't control this frustration. I wouldn't say it's an anger management issue, it's more than that, many different emotions at once. Sometimes I start punching walls and even myself (lol)...
The fact that I cannot control myself is the root cause of my condition... First time I've noticed this was back in high school. I wanted to go to school, but I would rather wander around and skip classes, that was the first time I realized I'm not in control.
And long before that, when I was a kid, I remember my father beat the hell out of me, that day he wasn't even drunk. Anyway, as he beated me, blood started coming out of my nose and my lips, he wanted to hit me again but he stopped, I saw in his eyes that he was angry, but angry at himself because he lost control...
Anyway, I was wondering if there's such type of depression.
|
self.depression
|
I accomplished a huge goal today it may seem small or like nothing to so many but I’m proud ♥️ My anxiety has held me back from so many social aspects in life but today I accomplished a huge social anxiety goal for myself and family and feel so very proud and accomplished ♥️ 1 step forward again ♥️
|
self.Anxiety
|
So my first therapy session is December 20th Is it wrong that I'm actually kind of excited? It's just the inital 'meet the patient and parents' sort of thing, but I'm excited.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone have experience with goiter caused by lithium? My doctors believe my enlarged thyroid is caused by lithium. My psychiatrist is weening me off of it.
Has anyone gone through this?
|
self.bipolar
|
Love While Depressed I'm not entirely sure this is relevant, or the right place to post this but lately, I have been falling in love with the idea of love. I'm not a lovey-dovey person but the idea seems attractive.
I spend a lot of time in my room alone so the idea of spending time with someone I care about is rather enticing.
I suppose the question that I wanted to ask was (if you don't mind sharing your experience) how has depression impacted your intimate relationships and should I even be thinking about relationships right now?
My personal opinion is 'no' for multiple reasons (self-doubt, lack of self-worth, it wouldn't be fair to them etc) but I've had friends say otherwise, an outside opinion would be helpful.
|
self.depression
|
I can't stop eating granola! Since August I've been eating granola non stop. It's pretty much my only sustenance. I would go through a bag/box of granola in a day, easily. I feel like my teeth are about to fall out of my head. Anyone else obsessively eat the same thing over and over again??
|
self.bipolar
|
I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. Graduated in the spring with a degree from a decent university in a tech field. I've been looking for my first job in the field ever since. I've tried all sorts of job search help programs and resume assistance companies and the like, but nothing seems to change the fact that I'm really *really* bad at this. It's not that I don't know *what* to do, but my life has been so organized to this point that everything I do feels empty, even when I try to set my own schedule, nothing seems to get done. I'm very slow at rewriting my resume and making cover letters for new postings and networking seems to lead nowhere. Everyone I talk to seems to think I'll magically get something eventually but the reality is I need help with this. Actual help, not dumb platitudes about how I just need to not get discouraged or just try harder or whatever. I am trying, I just have no idea how to actually do what people are telling me to do. Thankfully I have a job outside of my field from before to tide me over, but my degree means less and less the longer I'm outside of the field.
|
self.offmychest
|
About New Year I just don't feel like new year is such a good day to be honest, feels just like any other day to me...
I mean time is just something created by man which sets a month to be 30 days, a yea to be 365 days and so on
Celebrating the 365th day every 365th day seem something that isn't special to be honest especially with the new resolution, new year new me.. This is all bullshit. What i was at 11:59 still is at 12:01 AM..
|
self.offmychest
|
Is it okay for siblings to see the same pdoc? My poor sister has been struggling with the dreaded familial mental illness for a while. And per tradition, has hidden it as well as she could. That is, until she couldn’t. I’ve mentioned to her that I have a wonderful psychiatrist who has truly helped me. I think she is somewhat receptive to my suggestion, however, I’m wondering if it is kosher for her to be treated by the same doctor I see. Does anyone have any insight? I have an appointment with him tomorrow, should I ask him then? I am somewhat conflicted; should I be?
Thanks in advance.
|
self.bipolar
|
I don't even know where to start... I just feel like I'm falling apart. I used to hold onto things ideas like wanting children in the future to get me though hard times, but they've stopped working. I literally am to emotionally tired for those "tricks" to work. I just want to not exist. I hate every moment from the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep. And then I don't sleep at least not much. I feel like my place in this world has just started collapsing and the place that I fit just keeps getting smaller and smaller until it will collapse completely. I'm scared. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't feel like I can.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I struggle to interact with people because of food... literally. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Advice To those who overthink stuff So I was given advice by a girl who was my anxiety trigger. She understood me completely and gave me some advice that may help. It somewhat works for me. So here it is, Think about it this way: In perspective ask yourself how much something you're worrying about will matter in five years. Never wait for perfection because that's not attainable by anyone. Every opportunity is a new beginning with a new outcome. You're allowed to change your decisions they're not set in stone. If you commit to being aware and mindful of the present there's no time to worry about the past or future.
Thank You, Er!
You will never completely understand how grateful I am for helping me. I don't know where I would be without you. Things don't always work out now, but there's a future.
|
self.Anxiety
|
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