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Advice needed I’m 29, in the UK, and suffered my whole live with pretty severe depression and anxiety. I have always self managed, and only just survived. I first attempted suicide at the age of 9, and my teenage years were horrific.
This summer my health has been the worst it’s ever been. I didn’t experience anything new, more everything was intensified and lasted a lot longer. I was cycling every few days between being extremely depressed and unable to leave my bed, to being full of energy, trying to do far too much in any one day, being highly irritable. These days would normally end in a big melt down of years, raging arguments with my partner, and me running away for hours and hiding whilst I tried to calm myself down and prevent myself from hurting myself in a serious way. My thoughts were racing so fast I felt simultaneously that my head was about to explode and that it would never ever end. I was incredibly paranoid and anxious through this period. There were times when this cycle from depressed to my other extreme sometimes happened over the course of a day. I’m fortunate in that I have a very supportive and understanding partner, but I feel that there were some points over the summer that I definitely should have been admitted for my own and everyone else’s safety.
I have always been very hesitant to engage with mental health services, but this episode has scared me so much that I realised I didn’t have a choice anymore. I went to a sort of a+e for people in mental crisis that my gp recommended, on a day when I was at crisis point, they prescribed me with diazepam and it has helped to take the edge off.
I have never particularly felt like I needed a diagnosis or that I had a specific mental health condition. More that I had a “little bit of everything”. Over the summer I read excessively about various conditions, particularly bipolar. I felt I was previously quite naive in my understanding of it, not realising that mania didn’t necessarily mean an elevated mood. Mixed state and rapid cycling rung very true with me and what I’ve experienced over the years. It really made me question if the periods of my life where i had felt that I had been highly functioning and productive were actually me being well or something else entirely.
I was referred to a psychiatrist. 2 months later the appointment came through. It was just last week. The assessment lasted about an hour, I did not feel it was very thorough. I have had a very busy and varied life and I feel she barely scratched the surface when assessing how my mental health has been generally over the years. She left the room to discuss with the consultant, and her conclusions when she came back completely floored me.
She said that I cycle too quickly to be bipolar, when I asked her if she thought I had any mental health condition she said that it was more that I struggled with mood regulation. She said this was probably to do with trauma I experienced as a child, namely being bullied throughout school and my parents breaking up. (If she had actually asked me about this period she may have discovered I was very pro this separation). I was also sexually assaulted a few times as a teen, although this for me personally was far from the traumatic experience that others have with it.
She prescribed me quetiapine and recommended that I self refer to a trauma centre for therapy.
I have felt so deflated since this appointment. I have put off seeking help, barely surviving my whole life. One of the main reasons I put this off because I didn’t have much faith in the mental health system. This hasn’t helped. I don’t feel at all like self referring to this trauma centre, yes I have had a lot of trauma in my life, but I disagree that these are the root of all of mental health problems. I wouldn’t even know what to say to them.
It took so much energy to open up at that appointment, I don’t understand at all how I could have been discharged so quickly with some of the things I told her.
I have been thinking about it pretty much constantly since it happened, over analysing it. Services are incredibly underfunded here and I think she just saw someone who has managed their whole life themselves and should be able to continue to do so. I didn’t think I would survive this summer, i don’t want to ever be in that situation again, I wanted to have things in place so that I can be safe if it does happen again and so that I won’t need to be admitted somewhere.
She said I could be referred again if I have another crisis like that, and that it’s hard to assess people when they are relatively well. Was I suppose to just let myself go and let all of my rage and crazy out so she could see it properly??
I don’t know what I even wanted from the appointment, or how useful any diagnosis would have been. But I just feel like I was palmed off and told to keep managing it myself, that I am just shit at managing my emotions and that I am not mentally ill.
I feel so deflated, today has been tough again, been in bed most of the day, unable to wash or feed myself properly. I’ve stopped meditating and mood tracking, and doing anything that would help me to get better.
It is such a kick in the teeth to have finally sought help after all these years and just be told there’s not anything wrong with me and all my problems stem from being bullied as a child!! What a joke.
Any advice on where to go from here, or words of kindness much appreciated. I hope it’s ok to post here despite not having a diagnosis
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self.bipolar
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My only happy thought is me hanging from a rope. I want to die so badly. The pain is too much.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I made the biggest mistake of my life a few months ago. Now life seems pointless I dated the love of my life for 2.5 years and we eventually decided we couldn't find common ground over whether or not to have kids (she wanted them, I was on the fence). We split up. After a few months of introspection, I decided I was actually pretty excited about the idea, but when I got back in touch with her, she'd already moved on.
I blame myself for the entire thing and am kicking myself every second for not just agreeing to have kids. I've dated in the past and this was by far the best relationship I'd been in, and now it's gone forever. I feel really fucking stupid and don't see the point of trying to accomplish anything anymore. I've struggled with depression for the better part of the last 15 years and now fully feel like I have no reason to get up in the morning. I used to be really self-motivated and had ambitions, but now I'm just working in a career I hate and I can't convince myself that trying is worth it (not that it matters, I'll probably get fired soon since I haven't been able to focus properly at work in months). Any attempt I make to distract myself from how heartbroken I am eventually fails.
Fuck, man. I can't live like this.
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self.depression
|
I need help/advice Hello everyone.
I live in Norway, so it is kind of hard for me to get poison/weapons here. Any advice for an easy way to pass away without hurting my body too much? I do not want to look bad in the coffin, when they send my body back to my country. I feel like my mom would be very dissapointed, if I look hurt/damaged on the funeral. And I don't really have money to buy a lot of drugs, etc.
So any advice what I can do?
Thanks in advance.
I would really appreciate if you won't try to talk me out of it, but would simply help me with my request.
Have a nice day everyone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Having a merry Christmas my bipolar buds?? Family irritating me with always walking on eggshells and acting like I’m crazy or something. SEND MEMES!!!
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self.bipolar
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Killing yourself in hospital I've never posted on reddit before.
I'm 17, made to move country for mental health treatment. Living in a step-down hospital. I've been in a dark place for over a month now, and I want to hang myself.
Safety measures are very high here. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. I have a few cables, no shoe laces... I'm on constant 1-2-1 observations, even have to count when using the bathroom. Staff watch me 24/7.
I'm wanting to hang myself, as that's the way I choose to go. I don't find hanging that painful, you kinda swell and feel tight in the throat. I've tried a few times...
The first time was when I was 14, I tried hanging with my school tie. I was still in uniform. I was at home in my bedroom. I tried hanging from my light in the celling. The whole light system came out and a bit of the celling with it, went crashing to the floor.
Back to the now, I'm thinking of asking to have a bath. There's two bathrooms with a bathtub. I'm no longer on bathroom obs, just would most likely have to verbally respond now and again whilst in the bathtub, door shut and locked...
I'm thinking of hanging with the elastic cord in my pyjama bottoms... Tie it around my neck, then tie the pyjama bottoms to the shower head in the bathroom... It wouldn't provide the drop needed, but it's all I can think of.
This is more planning then anything else... I don't know if it's allowed ... Sorry. Would like it if ppl respond... With anything really
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't think I'm depressed, but I have no attachment to living. What's wrong with me? [deleted]
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self.depression
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What are your tips for calming anxiety? Things or rituals you do that seem to work for you to break out of the anxiety spiral, even if only temporarily?
Personally:
* Put on music I know by heart and loudly sing along to the lyrics, it forces my brain to concentrate on the words and not the torrent of bullshit in my head
* Cool shower, not cold, but cool. It feels like it shocks the nervous system and I reset
* Chewing gum. Seriously. It tricks your brain into going into eating mode and your body naturally calms down. I reccomend cinnamon gum since cinnamon is a natural digestive aid and it helps calm the stomach, ginger too if you can find it
* Weight. Put on the heaviest sweater/sweatshirt you own. My sister has a weighted heating pad and it is a freaking godsend when I am anxious. Weigh yourself down, it calms the nerves. Carrying something heavy sometimes works too.
* Drop your shoulders. When you're tense you tend to pull your shoulders in towards your neck, stretch them down and then relax them. It really helps.
What are your tips?
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self.Anxiety
|
Just need to rant. Today is not a good day. I just really need to vent about how I've been feeling lately. I haven't done any of my online college work since September 18th, when one of friends from when I lived on campus, committed suicide. He was about the only person that really understood how I felt. I once described to him it felt like I was arguing with my own brain constantly to do anything. At the time, I had only just started on some medication (one of the last good things my ex did for me was get me to seek that help) and was dealing with a breakup. I was worried I was using depression as an excuse and wasn't really depressed, just lazy. When I told him how I described "arguing" with my brain, he stopped me. He told me that was all the information he needed to reassure me that I wasn't making it up. He had been dealing with depression for years and also had to do the same thing. We sorta tried to keep each other sane after that. We had 1 rule between us. Don't die. Everything else was secondary. We where already good friends and the fact that we both understood how the other felt, only made us closer. When I found out from his sister that he had killed himself. I just lost it. I was, and still am, wrecked over it. I just keep thinking to myself, "You stupid son-of-a-bitch! We had ONE RULE!" I just cried, and cried, and cried. The viewings, funeral, burial. Every minute was pure mental and physical anguish. I did find out from the friend who found him that however he went, it wouldn't have been painful. I really didn't want to know any other detail than that it didn't hurt. God, typing it out makes it sound so...idk, silly? Pathetic? Fuck me.
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self.depression
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Muscle Spasms in Public from Anxiety Help? I've had this problem with anxiety for a while, where my eyes twitch to sudden loud noises or people moving their hands in the background, my legs and body slightly shake when I'm sitting down or think people are messing with me?
What the fuck is going on.
I'm seeing a neurologist to get muscle relaxors,
what solutions and medicines/coping techniques do I have?
I'm sick of self-medicating with drugs for this and living in a suffering hell everyday, it's crushing me from going to college and NA Meetings.
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self.Anxiety
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Don't See Any Point in Going on. I had to quit my job because I just couldn't cope anymore. I had two friends turn on me big time in May and post up long screeds on Tumblr about how horrible I am, knowing full well I was suicidal at the time and clearly hoping this would push me over the edge. It didn't, but I really wish I had to be honest. I deleted my account after that but they found me and laughed about my struggles. I can't enjoy my fandom anymore, the only thing that has kept me going, because of them.
Obviously because I quit my job I could not keep my flat so I came back to live with my mum. She's okay but basically isn't interested in anything that doesn't involve her.
I made contact with my local mental health services and was honest about being suicidal but they still couldn't get me any counselling for six months. They put me on some course for stress in January. That was apparently the best they could do. Wtf?
I don't see any point on going
Hell people out there literally want me to die.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone figure out the reason our bodies can get slightly feverish, when depression worsens at night? It’s especially strong in my face. Hot and red.
I believe it has to have something to do with medication, but I can’t find a pattern.
It occurs no matter which med I’m on.
I know it’s a vague and random question. Just wanted to check here, just in case.
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self.bipolar
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I feel like I might just die Not as in suicide, as in I feel like I might just keel over and die from sheer emotional anguish. Obviously I won't and it's an irrational thought/feeling but I just don't think I can take this anymore.
It hurts so fucking much. I'm so fucking tired of living.
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self.depression
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Depression is like living on the other side of a window [deleted]
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self.depression
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Hiding at work Irritability.
They put us on a tip pool about 3 weeks ago. I've lost 10-20 bucks a day ever since.
They said everybody would work harder, become a team. The opposite has happened. I kept my energy going despite this, thinking it'd turn around. I was wrong. I'm over it. All my fav people are jumping ship and applying elsewhere.
Yesterday I nearly snapped. So frustrated. So, hiding in a bathroom cause the smell of shit is better than that bull shit.
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self.bipolar
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Has anyone switched from Lexapro to Zoloft? (while taking birth control pills?) [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Something Broke Today Hi. I've had depression all of my life. Even as a kid, I showed symptoms. By the 3rd grade I was in therapy for low self-esteem. I didn't get diagnosed with severe depressive disorder until I was 22 and wound up institutionalized.
I've been doing so much better for years now. I don't know what happened. I don't know what finally pushed me over today. But something broke today. All I want to do right now is not wake up tomorrow (and no I'm not a credible threat to myself or others) and I haven't had a thought like that in years.
I unfriended people like crazy on social media. I left a bunch of discords. I quit my WoW guild. I know these signs -- the last time I started pushing people away like this didn't end well for me.
I don't enjoy anything. I don't feel good at anything. No food tastes good. Nothing is funny. Nothing brings me joy.
I don't know what to do. I'm on meds again. I can't find a therapist near me that has room in their schedule between my 35 hours a week of work and my full class load.
I just want someone to come save me so badly but no one's coming because there's nothing here worth saving, because it's me that has to save me and I hate me and everything I am.
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self.depression
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a thirteen year old just got pregnant at my school. i feel so sorry for her, she's probably shitting herself from how stressed and ashamed she is. and she's only 13!
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self.offmychest
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Fuck your ideology. One phrase that has become popular among some women in this Global North is: "I'm not compromising my ideology, sorrynotsorry."
Well, here's the thing. . .
Fuck you.
Fuck your ideology.
Fuck your system of beliefs that allows you to think that your ideology gives you the right to treat people you disagree with even A little bit like shit.
Fuck the feminists who do that.
Fuck people under BLM who do that.
Fuck conservatives who do that.
Fuck liberals who do that
Fuck the religious who do that.
Fuck Nazis in general.
Fuck Politicos who use their beliefs t enforce policy that ruins lives.
Fuck police who murder people in cold blood.
Fuck men who use their position to rape and pillage.
Just fuck all of ya'll who would be scared shitless if Christian god was real.
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self.offmychest
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Everything is just a way to cope or distract [deleted]
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self.depression
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OCD/Anxiety Fear of Suicide or Actual Suicidality/Suicide Ideation? Please read carefully. [removed]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hi, first post I made ever, don’t bother yourself I know for a fact that I’m useless s***
So forgive me for my bad grammar and English
I really don’t know where to start but I’m going to say things are heavy on my chest? Idk I don’t feel right, so sorry if this was the wrong place
I really want help from a doctor or whatever, but I don’t know who are they or where, I searched online to see where’s the best doctors in my country and mostly they weren’t in the same city, I’ve gone to a one in my city, it’s supposed to be the best, the appointment cost about 120 dollars maybe *it’s not our official currency I just converted* after waiting literally 7 hours *my appointment supposed to be at 1 pm but I’ve entered 8 pm* the only things she said “it’s not really depression you’re just lonely without friends and without any life activity, and you know about depression and you don’t think yours a big deal” will she said more than that but that’s the summary of it, I’ve been with her for about 40 minuets… I really didn’t feel comfortable with her because how busy she is… she said come to me next week but I didn’t go, that’s all was before 3 weeks or so… I really don’t know what to do and I want someone who I can talk to him, but how? I’ve never experienced anything like this…
Originally I didn’t expect really to go to a therapist… one of my online friends was really trying to push me to a therapist, but the problem he doesn’t live in my country so he doesn’t know anyone…
One of the things that bothered me when the therapist said “you need friends” I already have friends, maybe dozens of them… online friends, real life friends, and online friends who I’ve met them… still I feel lonely and lost between them… I’m not really the best person between them… I may be even the worst… I hate being alive…
I’m still 18 people say you haven’t experienced life happy things will come… but there’s nothing such as happiness… finals are next Tuesday and I haven’t studied anything yet… I’m scared of my parents and don’t want to talk with them because I hate them… I guess having a D isn’t bad… I don’t want really to live… self harm my self every 4 days or so, mostly my legs because I can’t let my parents see it… ugliest person in earth… tried to suicide two times but I was so scared so bad thing to be alive…I always cry in the shower because that’s the only place I can cry without anyone asking… I have a bad relationship with my brother and sister, none of them like me… lately I lose my temper so fast, and it annoy me… not to mention how I hate my body, I used to go the gym daily and lost a lot of wight but I’ve become worse now… I don’t know about my self I’m scared of people or talking to new people or even sometimes my friends…
I used to play video games, having a YouTube channel that was growing really good, I don’t feel it’s like accomplishing anything thing it’s just a crap and I feel depressed so I left it now… it’s useless to try anything to be honest
I really hate wasting my time by watching movies or netflix or anime… and mostly porn… idk I don’t know even my self
Oh also one more thing in high school I used to get high grades but my parents literally was angry at me for not getting “full grades” idk…
Sorry for the useless post, I really felt depressed and Twitter just suspended my account for being suicidel, and I don’t have any place to write to someone without knowing who I’m…
Sorry for wasting your time and sorry if I was useless…
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self.depression
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My roommate and only friend moved out two months ago to live with his girlfriend. The loneliness is killing me. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I wrote on facebook im going away, nobody cared. (im not english, my grammar may be bad)
So, i just have enough and want a little time off from everything. Insta, face, even dating sites. Im not the most popular person on earth but i wrote on facebook im going away, and i dont know if i will be back. Nobody cared am i all right, or if they miss me...nothing.
I thought i had friends. I had a best freind who always whined and used me as an escape from reality. I had a social group (best friends group) but it was only a casual drinking circle. I dont drink that much so, they don invite me. If i dont go with them one time, they never call me again... and i have few casual small talk persons who writes me when they are bored and want to be entertained. Because im the entertaining one who likes the smiles.If i wanted to meet them, they always had ecuse.
But i want more from people, from life.
Im not "jelly" but sometimes im angry how others can succeed in life and im going nowhere. Know a person who guited his job, went roaming the world for half year, instantly got his job back and few days ago he found a girlfriend. My best friend who always whined about his problems and pushed it to me, even drunk his problems away, without effort solved all his problems and he is ok... and im trying and suffering and cant do sh..t in every field of my life. Sometimes i just cry
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self.depression
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Anyone else hide their true deep inner issues from there therapist/psychiatrists out of fear of judgement or something similar? I've been seeing my person for a little over a year now. She's helped me with alot of my issues regarding anger and relationships with family and friends but deep down I've not revealed to her some of my true inner issues because I'm scared to open up. I'm scared to tell her what really bothers me, scared to tell her how death and suicide encompass my mind on a almost daily basis. Scared of having her image of me change because we've bonded and she sees me like everybody does- a slightly weird normal person who's just been through some shit. I don't think I can just tell her that I've slightly been lying to her when I told her I've been feeling good the last couple of months. I can't tell her my real deep inner problems because I'm scared to open up and I fucking cant understand why. I genuinely enjoy speaking with her and figuring out the issues that come in my life but at the same time I don't think I can tell her about my self confidence issues, my self hatred, my addictions, my hate for every decision I've made, my hate for the way I look, hate for the color of my skin, hate for the way I look, hate for the fam background I come from, hate for myself pretty much. I don't think I can discuss those insecurities because I can't come to terms with bringing them up.
I know people are going to say see someone else then but I really can't she's the only person I've actually experienced some success with. The others are just uncomfortable and havent worked. I don't know.
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self.depression
|
Lightning rod for oppressed emotion So when I'm manic, I come up with tons of wild ideas and epiphanies etc...but this is the only one that keeps coming back. Every manic episode, long after said manic episodes, and creeps into my thoughts when I realize or someone points out my switches flipped.
Bipolar people are lightning rods of suppressed emotion. Not just our emotions, but those in our environment. My manic reasoning was that the word 'emotion' translates to "energy in motion". Energy cannot be destroyed, so where do suppressed emotions go?
I have a lot of broken thoughts on the topic, but I needed to get this out somewhere. I don't tell anyone because I feel it will worry those around me...I try my best not to sound crazy. I'm not looking for validation or condemnation on it, I just needed to put this out in the world.
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self.bipolar
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Tired I feel like I've been running on fumes for awhile now...And I've had a lot of bad thoughts lately. The past few days I've planned out how I think I'd like to kill myself and I keep thinking about it and playing it out in my head.
I have every reason to want to live. Good friends, a decent job, a fiance who loves me...I hate feeling like this and I don't know why I am. I mean...I don't like myself, like, at all. I'm certain people in my life would be better off without me anyway, but reading on /r/SuicideBereavement helped alittle, I'd hate to bring anyone that kind of pain. But I'm just so tired of feeling like this and the longer it goes on the more I think I might actually do it. I feel exhausted and it makes me feel even more guilty because I have no good reasons to feel so awful. I guess I'm just venting but I wasn't sure how/where else to get this out there...
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self.SuicideWatch
|
A Breakup, Anti Depressants, & the worst 3 months of my life. I’m writing this is an absolute last resort. I never thought I would be spilling my soul to internet strangers but I’m at the point where I’ve exhausted all of my options except the permanent one.
Over the Spring/Summer of 2017, I met a girl who I waited 32 years to meet. I truly was in love with her almost instantly. I felt more for her in 2 months than I’ve ever felt for anyone in my entire life, and I’ve had multiple LTR’s. The problem is, I didn’t realize any of this until after I left her. She was absolutely perfect for me in every way, I was just completely oblivious to it and decided that we should end it as we were coworkers.
Here’s where it gets weird..
For 2 months after the split I was completely happy. I never even grieved for a second and thought that I had simply lost all feelings towards her. We even worked directly right next to each other and I was able to see her everyday without feeling anything at all. Until I went on vacation at the end of October. I was preparing to board my flight in Florida on 10/29 and BAM! All these realizations and feelings crept up. I had truly made the biggest mistake of my life and needed her back. I came back to work several days later and told her everything. I couldn’t explain why I had lost all feelings initially (and still can’t), but I poured my heart out to her and asked for her back. It was then that she told me she had a new boyfriend and she wasn’t interested in reconciling.
At that moment, my world shattered. I ended up quitting my job several days later as seeing her each day was making me increasingly depressed. Since December, I have been without a job and the reality that the girl that I love more than anyone I’ve ever known is with someone else. I began to feel suicidal after several weeks of being unemployed / heartbroken beyond belief. I had become reclusive, and only left my bed to eat and shower. My depression snowballed until one day in January where I took a handful of pills and tried to take my own life. I had been on Effexor XR since the day she destroyed me, and at this point was increasing my dosage without the doctors permission as I was desperate.
The suicide attempt was 3 weeks ago. I spent a few days in an inpatient program and was put on a taper schedule from Effexor as the head Psychologist had determined that the Effexor wasn’t working or making the depression worse. As I tapered off 225mg daily of Effexor, I started on 60mg daily of Cymbalta. It was a steep taper schedule, and I stopped taking the Effexor within 10-14 days. I was still completely destroyed by her, but I wasn’t suicidal anymore and even had a few days where I felt like I was going to be okay. The sadness was manageable.
Until a week ago..
She reached out to me out of nowhere after not speaking or seeing each other since the day I quit my job to tell me she’ll love me forever and basically everything I had been waiting to hear for months..Except for the part where she mentioned that she was still with her new boyfriend and loved him. Since that day, the massive cloud of sadness has returned and nothing is working to take it away. I just sat in the shower and cried for over an hour. Even as I write this it feels like there is a 500 pound weight on my chest. I have began researching suicide methods again and have 0 desire to job search or do much of anything.
I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking to accomplish with this post, but I’m praying that someone out there might have some input. I’m starting to think that this level of sadness is NOT normal to feel after the demise of a 2 month relationship regardless of how much I loved her. I hope it’s the medication making things worse or simply not working at all, as in that case I will talk to my doctor and Psychiatrist about being put on something else or increasing the dosage. In my head, I feel like perhaps I’m only feeling this low once again as she reached out and broke my heart again. But is it enough to make me feel suicidal? I’m not sure, and perhaps I’m dealing with extreme clinical depression on top of this horrible breakup grief. The sadness and pain 100% feels like it’s directly related to losing her, but perhaps my mind could be playing tricks on me. It’s been 3 months since she told me, and I feel even worse or the same than I did initially.
Please help.
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self.depression
|
I'm SERIOUSLY depressed. I'm a 36 year old man that doesn't know how to fix my life. I don't drink or do drugs. Honestly. Don't smoke either. Just wanted to point that out.
I've made mistakes in the past that have led to this life I'm living right now.
I can show I'm outgoing but seriously depressed inside.
Like I said 36 and working for a dry cleaners in Utah.
I have no college degree and just have a high school diploma.No certifications and no really good work experience that sets me apart from other people.
My mom pushed me to study and study hard. I pushed back and rarely went to high school. I barely graduated. My mom kept telling me to be successful in life you need a degree in life. I did a short stint in community college but bouncing around to different schools my federal student loan money ran most of it out.
I got married way too young. I didn't date around like I should have. Although a lot of people get married young in Utah.
I now have two young boys and I want to get them a house one day. My marriage is on the rocks though. If I get kicked out of the house I don't know where to go and that really SCARES ME. I don't want to be on the streets begging strangers for money. That's just not me.
My wife doesn't work and she stays home. Our youngest has medical needs and has a lot of medical appointments. She can't work right now.
I really want to get a better fulfilling job. I do like exercising, computers. I'm like the I.T. guy for my family. People I have reached out before have told me to learn a trade. But I think I would be miserable. I do prefer working by myself but I can work in teams if I am forced to. I do like meeting new people as well. Although I can't sell anything. I've tried it and it didn't work out. I like learning the laws as well.
I like hearing about successful people that are happy and make good money but don't have a college degree. That gets me hopeful.
I just want to get out of this rut and I don't know how to start. I cry almost everyday. The only positive thing in my life are my kids and I'm losing weight.
I hope I can get some good feedback and helpful advice here. Thanks.
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self.depression
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Maybe someone can help me with this (can be sensitive) I'll try to make it short, but it's quite a rare feeling I have. Hope I'm not the only one as I basically cannot cope with it.
It is both a fear, that usually leads me to panic attacks in the night, having a headache and feeling stressed all the time.. When I was a kid I had a vivid imagination/daydream in which I saw my own death. I basically did not believe it until I asked my parents 'does everyone die?', leading with an answer such as "inevitably, yes'. When I heard them say that, I basically cried. A lot. Even as a kid I couldn't cope with the thought of not being alive anymore.
Luckily the thought as a kid went straight away and I basically forgot about it. However at the end of December 2015 I started getting the thought back of not existing, jumped out of bed and ran straight to my parents in hopes they could help me out with the stress, overthinking, anxious feeling I kept having.
They told me that it might be okay, as with this technology is progressing so fast you might be able to live indefinitely (should we not count dying by falling, starvation, accident etc. Just aging in general). I felt relieved, truly relieved, and the thought went away. But the word 'inevitable' kept drifting in my thoughts, knowing that it can still happen, and it just terrifies me.
It took me 2-3 months to start living normal again and not fearing my end, as I am optimistic about the future medicine, and not meeting an 'end'.
Sadly the thought came back a few weeks ago. And I did a lot of research to try and ease off my mind. I learned that it is definitely possible to live indefinitely and healthy (not a question of IF, but WHEN will it be possible). Usually I check SENS Foundation for updates and such, to see their progress.
But yesterday another thought came into my mind. Should I live indefinitely, how are we supposed to survive the universe itself?
I try not to believe in a lot of cosmos theories and the so called 'end of the universe', as I know these are just predictions and can be completely wrong. But I cannot seem to shake off the feeling that I would still meet my end.
Suddenly learning about the Sun's star growing bigger in 5 billion years and basically destroying earth is scaring the shit out of me.
Most people said to me that I shouldn't worry because you won't be there when it happens. But with the technology I might actually just make it, with millions of other people experiencing this fate.
So why am I writing this? First of all I was hoping it would ease off my mind, writing or typing kinda helps me get out of this anxious, overthinking painful problem. But I was hoping mostly for a discussion. A discussion that could ease off my mind and hopefully other like minded people.
I KNOW that 5 billions is a lot, to the point where you could ask 'will we even reach it' (because of it being so long). But it's the "inevitable" word, that drifts in my mind, knowing I might still have to deal with it.
Might be a lot to take in, I'm only 18 years old (M), and I would like to life indefinitely without having so much to worry about. I don't want to live forever in an anxious stressful feeling but nothing is really working for me.
The only helpful feeling that shakes the whole idea off is the thought that technology in a span of 5 billion years will become so advanced that we will be long gone from the solar system, and live somewhere else (terraforming it).. But it's still so uncertain yet so possible, but It's stressing me the F out and I barely can't deal with it anymore. I can't even take a break from these thoughts. usually I play videogames or watch a series to ease off my mind but the thought nowadays is so aggressive I'm basically exploding in my head.
It's a weird subject with no definitive answer, some people will already laugh and stop at the fact that we cannot even live forever. But I know that we all grew up knowing it is inevitable, yet thousands are working for a solution because they think outside nature.
Any ideas on helping me out with my anxious and stressful feeling? If not then it is okay. Just don't give me the typical message that dying is just as before being born, or that it is peaceful etc. Because it is not something I want to meet, ever.
Thank you for reading though, I greatly appreciate it!
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self.Anxiety
|
What's dating like for you? I'm 27 but I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 literally the first of this month. So I'm no stranger to dating but I haven't gone on a date since the diagnosis.
Edit: Rewriting my second paragraph because damn that was incoherent. What I'm trying to say is I've dated before and I've been in a handful of long-term relationships but I've always seemed to find a way to fuck it up. I've spent weeks contemplating on what I've done wrong and a lot of it can be blamed on me being bipolar. A lot of my behavior can be blamed on my bipolar disorder.
But I also have to accept that I have a lot of growing up to do, I have a lot of bad habits to undo, and have to learn how to be a better person. I can't blame everything on my disorder, I have to improve who I am so I can look into a mirror and not be ashamed. I know I can be date-able one day!
Anyway, when I start to feel better and improve I'd like to date again. But how do we even do that? Do you tell people right away? Or do you wait after a few dates. I think bipolar still has a lot of stigma and very few people actually know about it but they assume bipolar people are crazy. How do we convince people were not?
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self.bipolar
|
Life isn't worth living I don't even want to consider myself depressed but this is one of the only places I can say this an it be taken seriously. It's not depression that makes me feel this way it's simply a rational evaluation. I just want someone that understands here to share some thought. That's why I'm here.
Everything's about working a miserable job to make money to survive in a world were I don't feel alive. No I don't care that everybody has to do it. It doesn't make it any better. I wish i could die but like everything else in life it's just too hard and not worthwhile. I hate that it had to be me to exist. Wish I didn't.
|
self.depression
|
Constantly feel like a failure. I started a new job a few months ago and I feel like I can’t do anything right. I know there is a learning curve, but I feel like I constantly mess up. Sometimes I feel like everyone has a tally in their head and they are all keeping track. Anyone else have a rough time making mistakes? How do you deal? How do you allow yourself some grace to learn without feeling like you should be carted off to jail and publicly shamed for not being perfect?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Rhodiola Hey fam. Bipolar I here, female, 20 years old. I was told to take Rhodiola to help speed up weight loss but it says on the packaging that it’s not recommended for those with bipolar disorder. Am I good? Can I keep taking it anyway? I really like the results and do not at all feel triggered into mania.
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self.bipolar
|
I feel like I am bad at everything. Ok, not really everything, but everything that matters at least. But let's back up. I am a programmer and I would say that my defining feature is how smart I am - But maybe not after all. Let's back up some more...
I was adopted into a family I have little in common with. I am not upset about being adopted, however I do wonder if being raised by people more like myself would have helped me not feel so out of place all my life.
The environment was very religious, and most of my childhood (4 years old and up) I spent being raised by my step mom who I honestly don't even consider my mother. It was always made very clear that my little brother was not my little brother but my step brother; my step mother was my step mother and not my mother. In other words, I was the child of my adopted father and adopted mother, whom my step mother had to deal with. "Deal with" is probably an apt term, by the way, considering how rebellious I was.
I have always been told that I was smart growing up, but I really think that maybe the people around me just weren't very smart. I used to be very religious because of my environment, but eventually made the hardest decision in my life to accept that religion actually just didn't make any sense to me. I felt lied to - betrayed, and like my entire life's foundation was rubbish.
That wasn't the first time I felt lied to or betrayed. While, after critically thinking through all the pain of religion, I understand that my parents really do believe in religion and weren't trying to trick me, my step mother would often flat out lie to my brother's and my face. She was bad at it to and at the time I could never understand if she just thought I was dumb enough that she didn't have to try. Nor did I know why she couldn't just tell the truth. I think now that maybe she just didn't know what else to do. It is just how she deals with life maybe.
Additionally, my adopted mother and father both started out by doing what I wound consider "coddling" me. My adopted mother did so to the point of suffocation. I don't remember much before I was 4 years old, but I remember warm feelings all around. I was happy.
Then all that went away at 4+. I also grew up and realized how much both my adopted patents expected of me - mostly in religious ways. I can't give them what they want in that aspect, and honestly, I think their beliefs are a bit absurd; Especially when talking about my adopted mother who I consider to be a little out of it in that she sort of lives in her own world it seems. My life style is just not tolerated by them to the point that I have cut ties with almost all of my adopted family.
So now the only people close to me are my childhood friends, who live across the country (USA) from me since I moved away from where I grew up. I recently met my birth father's side of the family a few years back, and my relationships there are decent enogh. I am 24 by the way. I have always known my birth mother, who was also adopted, however, she has never really been a part of my life at the same time. We are friends, but really, since we aren't near each other it is more like acquaintances, but not for any other reason than that. My birth father killed himself a few years ago - never met him.
So... That's the life story out of the way I guess. On to why I'm posting... As I have mentioned before, I would consider my intellect my best quality. In fact, to say it is my only good quality is not something which is hard to say. However, like my birth mother, I can get very emotional. It is pretty cool that a person who hasen't really ever been in my life is so strongly similar to me certain ways. But anyway, when I do get emotional I freeze up. I can't think. I say stupid things just so I'm not sitting there dumbfounded.
This is very bad as a programmer. If I can't think, I can't work - which makes me bad at my job. When my boss asks me how a feature works I haven't worked on in a few weeks and I can't remember right off my head - I can't remember anything. What did he just ask? I should know this. Fuck. Focus dude. Then I scramble to say something - anything which sounds remotely right. That is bad. Programmers need to be sure of what they say; we are engineers.
Today I had to give a presentation on my favorite programming language, c++, and I totally bombed it. I froze up on explaining bits of logic I knew, and left the class thinking I'm an idiot. What's worse is its my favorite language. If I suck at c++, then I must really suck at python and javascript (the languages I use at work). My teacher told me I got an A, but idk if it is because I have confided in him before. I could see it in the eyes of my audience that my presentation was terrible. I immediately started to hate myself when I left the class. I still feel upset.
It's not even like my life sucks. I have the best friends I could imagine, and my girlfriend is amazing. But what if I have been wasting these last few years in school for something I suck at. What if I can never get a decent enough job to take care of my girlfriend and friends like I want? Maybe I'm not that smart after all. Why does this always happen to me? Maybe I can't really think on the spot because I'm just an idiot.
A lot of the time I think it is all because of how I was raised, or what is in my genes. Like I can't really help it - but that is such a copout. There has to be something I'm doing wrong. Idk what to do, and I am tired of hating myself. I sat for over 3 hours just thinking how worthless I was...
|
self.depression
|
Ended a friendship a few months back and it saddens me [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Why is my mind doing this to me Stop stop stop
|
self.Anxiety
|
I hope no one has to experience waiting for drugs to kick in Hi, first post in this sub. Making an observation here. Ive been on some pretty strong antidepressants for about 2 months and my psychiatrist wants me to double the dosage and be on it for a few years. He considers this a short term.
Im an extremely forgetful person (working on getting my adhd diagnosed too) and forget to take meds at least once a week. That plus the very short 2 hr window my body allows me before withdrawls kick my butt, equals crappy times...
Today was one of those days. I had to get an uber to my local (800m) to get my meds because i was worried if i walked id pass out. Waited in the pharmacy wringing my hands and rocking back n forth like Winona Ryder in Stranger Things. Felt like a total drama queen. Should have won an emmy for that performance.
Got home, immediately flipped some pills and flopped onto my bed to space out...
And wait for my drugs to kick in.
Damn. Here I am like some misunderstood teenager in a suicide doco spacing out with withdrawals, waiting for drugs to kick in so i can feel normal and function enough to make myself a sandwich.
I feel like such a pretender. Its so cliché. From the outside looking in i am sure it would be easily dismissed as a performance, a plea for attention. And yet.... There's no one here to see.
|
self.depression
|
Lithium isn’t enough for depression. Scared of tweaking meds. I’ve been on lithium for a good 2+ years now. I’ve not had any manic episodes during that time. I’ve almost forgotten what mania feels like.
I’ve tried to kill myself multiple times. Major depression. I’m on lexapro as well but that just isn’t enough. I’ve run out of new meds to try.
I’ve thought about going back to lamictal but i remember that made my thoughts very fuzzy. I don’t want to change my meds..... i’m volatile enough as it is. But I just slept 15 hours and woke up more depressed than ever. Help me here kind redditors.
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self.bipolar
|
Really, how bad is the world? I think the world sucks, straight up. I think this is one of the shittiest times to be alive. I think we're going backwards, and greed is fucking everyone. A lot of other things going on but i'm not going to ramble on about that. What do y'all think of the world? I'm asking this to all ages, people who have lived "back then" and who are still very young, has the world ever seemed this bad, or good to you? Were there better times in history? Curious.
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self.depression
|
My Mother didn't choose me My Mother chose her addiction over me and destroyed the relationship. She continues to chose other people and things over her kids.
Honestly I don't thing I can do it anymore.
If you read this Moma, I loved you but all things come to an end.
Your last born son, Christian G.
If your reading this thanks for listening to my finally note to my mother. I doubt anyone would read it anyway.
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self.offmychest
|
Sad? Try Some Sunshine Distraught Person: I need meaningful connection with other humans to avoid be miserable all the time. I just want others to like me and care about me, as they do any normal person.
"Helpful" Person: How about you find happiness taking a walk and feeling the sunshine instead?
Don't be "helpful," folks.
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self.depression
|
Does caffeine cancel out Zyprexa? I've recently began taking lithium and zyprexa. The zyprexa has been making me feel drowsy. I've began drinking a lot of coffee to cancel out the drowsy zyprexa effect. I'd like to know if it's safe to use caffeine for this purpose or it may cancel zyprexa's good effects as well?
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self.bipolar
|
I need help. i'm worried about a friend of mine. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
My Anxiety is Amplifying my Grief It’s been almost two years since my dad passed away. December 27 2015.
I can feel it in my chest. My anxiety is swirling and just reminding me of all the memories from two years ago.
It’s been 698 days since he spoke to me.
Holiday stuff is everywhere. I hate it. Thanksgiving is when we had to tell him he was going to hospice. Then two days after Christmas he died.
I should note my next therapy appt isn’t til 12/7 and she uses an app and keeps track daily so at least she texts me sometimes if things are bad between appts...
Anyone with anxiety and the loss of their parent .. any guidance on how to deal would be .. awesome.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Too stupid for anything I just got finished with a computer technician interview, I know I failed it. I was walked out and they said we'll call you if you are selected, I know I won't be selected. I saw my ACT scores, as a 23 year old, my math is 16 my overall score was 19, I feel too stupid for my dream which was computer science. I feel like the only solution anymore is just wait to die. I used to blame things or situations for my stupidity, but now I realize, it is me who is to blame. I try my hardest to learn basic math and programming skills and I am half baked. I wish I could just stay in my room and rot. Now I am off to a job I hate, living a life that I despise. I don't even feel right to say I am depressed, but I feel as though my life is a black hole. I wish I wasn't so stupid.
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self.depression
|
I’m at the hospital I’m at the hospital trying to get help. I’m sure they’re going to send me to the physicward but it’s probably for the best. I’ve been posting her for awhile but the last few days have be unbearable. I love everyone and I hope you guys no sometimes you’re the one that needs to help yourself not others. I came here alone and doing this alone.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
A question and a little rambling. Sleep deprivation underway and needed to put some thoughts down.
Update on me: So I got off heroin in mid-october after a several month long run of $100+/day habit, that was REALLY part of a 2 year long run with breaks for rehab or hypo. Finally happy and sober for the first time in 2 or 3 years. Now I started on some gabapentin and tasted hypomania symptoms, so I've been chasing that for the last week or so with too much gabapentin and currently attempting sleep deprivation. I never considered myself someone who does illogical things for the sake of short term gains, but never ending depression broke that down for me it seems, considering I'm a textbook example of a depressed addict now. At least I don't let it harm my self worth when I'm thinking rationally about myself. (When I'm depressed it drops of course.) Somehow my true self esteem and self respect have still survived all of this, just not my ability to tolerate discomfort or pain. :P
Question and more rambling: Does anyone know a good subjective differentiator between mixed states and depression/anxiety? I always thought I just had an anxiety disorder that effected me worse than my bp2, but while I was in rehab the psychiatrist suspected long term untreated mixed episodes and put me on lithium, and a lot of my worst symptoms went away, but I was also on gabapentin, and newly sober (not for long!), so it's very unclear to me if it's true.
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self.bipolar
|
Would like to make things as easy on my parents as possible. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
What did you do this Saturday? Earlier I detailed my car and played some overwatch and felt okay. Tonight however has proven to be tough. How about yours?
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self.depression
|
What is the point of life if i don't plan on having kids? Speaking from natures point, the point of life is to reproduce and keep the species going.
But i don't want to and don't plan to have kids. So my life has no point, right?
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self.depression
|
My boyfriend never checked in on me To give some context, I have a chronic illness and had a procedure last week. My boyfriend was away visiting a friend during the span of the prep, procedure, and worst part of recovery.
The whole time he was away he maybe checked in on me three or four times. It might have been petty of me but I didn’t reach out first because I wanted to see if he would reach out, as I’ve realized he has a habit of being very self involved. I was also busy doing the prep and was asleep a lot of the day too. He never texted the whole day of the prep. I just ignored it.
The day of, he never called or texted before my procedure. I didn’t want to let it get to me because I was nervous enough about the procedure. He knew what time it was. Without my knowing, my dad texted him once I was done that I was out and doing well. He then texted me.
The day after he still hasn’t really texted me.
To be honest I don’t really know what’s up. He usually would be calling me constantly and texting me. I’m trying not to make it about this at all because I do trust him, but he is away visiting a friend that’s a girl. I really don’t mind in general but the fact that he’s with a girl AND hasn’t seemed to be too concerned about me is a combination that hurts a lot. Someone please tell me if I’m just being a crazy girlfriend. I’m just trying to be a decent, understanding girlfriend but I feel a little bit walked all over.
I want to bring this up to him when I see him but I don’t know how to bring up my disappointment without seemed jealous or something. If I didn’t have this procedure it wouldn’t have bothered me that he was with a girl. The days of the procedure were rough. I feel like I was in it alone in terms of him.
I also don’t know if I’m in the wrong to expect at least a bit more from someone who’s supposed to care about me. I didn’t expect him to be contacting me the whole time he was gone because I do want him to have fun and enjoy his time but even a simple text or call before I went under would’ve meant the world to me. I don’t know.
I’m just so hurt by something pretty uncharacteristic of him and I don’t know what to do.
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self.offmychest
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I wish people would hate me so I can end it easier. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
[Help] I have a feeling that anxiety is going to destroy my life, and keep me broke. Wherever I go for an interview looking around the office just makes me wanna run away from there. I am excited about the interview before leaving the house but as soon as I go there everything goes haywire, I keep telling myself I will never work here. There is nothing specific that I can pinpoint at that I am scared of there. I freelanced as a content writer for 8 months and absolutely loved it! But financially it was a very unstable option due to lack of clients on a regular basis, so the natural transition to a job. I am not scared of screwing something up on the job, but just the atmosphere there sends my body in a flight to fight response. Can someone help please?!
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self.Anxiety
|
Redditors who have phone anxiety: There's still something you can do to save Net Neutrality. Sign this petition! WHAT TO DO IF YOU'RE A LAZY REDDITOR WITH ANXIETY WHO TRIES TO HELP WITH JUST UPVOTES:
Here are 2 petitions to sign, one international and one exclusively US.
International: https://www.savetheinternet.com/sti-home
US: https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/do-not-repeal-net-neutrality
Text "resist" to 504-09. It's a bot that will send a formal email, fax, and letter to your representatives. It also finds your representatives for you. All you have to do is text it and it holds your hand the whole way.
WAY too many people are simply upvoting and hoping that'll be enough, this is the closest level of convenience to upvoting you can find WHILE actually making a difference.
This effects us all. DO. YOUR. PART.
(Full text copypasted from a comment u/MomDoesntGetMe. Thanks to them for writing this!)
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self.Anxiety
|
[23 y.o male] Should Xanax help a racing heart? If my heart starts racing/pounding out of my chest, and i take .25mg xanax i feel a bit calmer and even a bit sleepy, but my heart is still going at it. Shouldnt it slow down if its a symptom of anxiety? Im also on 50 mg of metoprolol. (Ive had EKG, ECG, blood work, they tell me its all due to anxiety.)
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self.Anxiety
|
When filling out job applications, do you identify as having a disability? I've been saying yes. JW what everyone else does.
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self.depression
|
lost hope in myself, family and life Im a 17 year old girl who will start her final year of high school in a month time and that itself is already stressful but my mum gives me more pressure by telling me what i should do and not do (as if shes living my life for me), how i never try (when i do), how dumb i am compared to others and how i should get a scholarship to attend a good uni. She continues to tell me how if i dont try ill have a shit future and live a life as a beggar with nothing at all even though i do actually try (she believes i dont even when i show her). My mum is the reason why i often feel down, worthless and hopeless. She has done things to me that as a parent you should never do to your child such as kicking me out of the house at night without anything, whipping/slapping me as a child-teen, telling me to go die, getting a knife and threatening to kill me just because she was angry and wishing that her mother in law would quickly die so she could get the money. Once she got angry at me because i told her i needed to buy a school uniform and new school shoes. She has a high expectation of me that i know i wont be able to fulfil and my mum keeps lecturing me about what i do wrong and what i should be doing (simply, she discourages me). She has never given me a praise for something i did even when i got a scholarship to a private high school despite the hard effort i put in. She says i got the scholarship thanks to her.
so much has happened between the two of us that i cannot write every single event down but i have gotten to the breaking point.
Despite the way she treated me i always kept my self in check and always tried to lift up my mood but now i seem to have lost all motivation and energy to do so. I know she is doing this to build me into a successful person but its actually breaking me and even when i tell her she wont change and my dad wont do anything about despite knowing everything.
I just want everything to end so i wont need to go through my stressful life and deal with my mum but im to scared to hurt myself. i just wish my parents never had me or i wish i had died on the surgery table when i was born (i was born premature and i had breathing problems, so i had surgery as soon as i was born). Why do i have to live like this? I want to be free. I dont care about anything anymore. Why cant i be happy?
sad thing is my older sister is going through the same thing as me but probably worse.
Can someone tell me whats wrong with me. Why cant i be happy and why cant i be free. Did i do something wrong?
Why am i like this?
Help.
Update:
we HAD decided to get professional help for both mum and I but I dont think its happening anymore. Mum thinks there is nothing wrong with her but a huge problem with me so she doesnt want to get help. However, even though we didnt get professional help things seemed to work out for a week (maybe because of the christmas and new years spirit?). We were getting along pretty well actually...sometimes even exchanging jokes and talking about common interests, but thats all changed now. Couple days ago we got into a fight (not suprising) just because i didnt want to go to the beach. She said i was ungrateful which is not true and started telling me things that ive already heard from her in the past such as: i wish you died as a baby, youre the worst child a parent could want, dont even look at me and etc.
After we fought i went up to my room and felt really depressed and suicidal but unlike other times i got over it pretty quickly, because of my dad. He came into my room and we talked things out for a long time and he comforted me and told me ive been doing well and how he will be on my side no matter what happens...
At the moment mum is ignoring me and avoids talking to me at all costs...but who cares...she can sulk all she wants and continue to be a childish adult. It doesnt worry me anymore :)
Like my grandma always said live life without regrets and dont let anyone bring you down. I wish she was still here with me...but since shes not im going to try make her proud and live my life without regrets like she did, and i hope you do too.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Dreaming of him, still... I am still dreaming of the illusion of the boy I used to have a crush on in high school. I woke up this morning euphoric because I dreamed him again. This has been going on for more years than I even want to admit. It makes me want romance again. It makes me feel passion that I forgot I was even capable of. I haven't been able to come back down to earth all day, I don't want to. I want to remember this lost feeling. Even if it is self inflicted torture. Here's to all who have lost their passion and can find it in their dreams.
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self.offmychest
|
why don't girls talk to me? i think im pretty normal. i try to shower regularly, Im good at pretending to be happy, I'm really nice to everybody I talk to. but no matter what everytime I talk with girls they just say the bare minimum to get by. and when I find one cute and start trying to Text with one they just leave me on read, of send one word answers. It hurts a lot. I was told by my guy friend that he was sad every girl uses him for money, sex, drugs, etc. but he doesn't understand the luxury he has of people actually talking to him. I just dont understand what's wrong with me. Like I know I'm ugly and always looks sad but I promise I'm a normal person with feelings and a personality. Am I unlovable?
Edit: something didn't make sense
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self.depression
|
The older I get, the less friends I have Im 24 y.o. feeling like I'm not fulfilling a lot in life due to the lack of friends. Everybody else have their own friends except me & we're slowly pulling apart. Now I have recently removed a 'close friend' who has been making me feel emotionally unstable with how the person's been treating me.  
I suck at keeping in touch with newer friends because I felt easily exhausted when I spend time with anyone. 
I tried to make friends online but I still suck at keeping in touch no matter what I do. It gets worse lately because I've been struck with depression due to the pressure of studying and low self-esteem. 
I just don't know what to do. 
*PS: I do have therapy to go to and a college counsellor to help me with school but even then I still have no close friends as of yet*
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self.offmychest
|
Does anyone feel like they forgotten how to have fun? I just realized that I've been in a state of depression for so long that I've forgotten how to smile or enjoy a good time. My default face is just a frown, which people tend to see as pissed off, or that I'm not having fun. I get invited to parties or outings but I am too afraid to go. I don't want to be the guy standing around too afraid to talk to people with a pissed off look on his face.
Underneath my depression, I know I can be out going and fun. I used to be that person when I wasn't in a glut of depression. It's been almost two years since I fell back, and I've just become a boring and bitter person.
I was invited to party with a random redditor, downtown where I live. It looks like an amazing time and something to get out of my shell a bit. But thinking about it gives me anxiety, I feel like I *can't* enjoy it. I will just be the same depressed person and want to bail ASAP.
|
self.depression
|
i have a second date with this guy tomorrow, but i don’t really feel all that excited for it i’m just scared of it more than anything. not that i don’t like the guy, he’s super sweet and understanding, and he was upfront about being nervous and insecure too. on our first date i was shaking like crazy the entire time, and he noticed and was reassuring.
and now i honestly feel like i’m just too tired to be anything but anxious about the whole thing. i don’t feel good enough for him at all, and if we go any farther i’m just going to be a burden, with all the baggage and issues i have.
feelsbadman :/
|
self.Anxiety
|
Antidepressants doubts So I started taking antidepressants about 37 days ago. I don’t know if I can tell that I’m feeling “ok” but I feel like adrenaline in my chest and stomach. It’s my first time one them and I just wanted to hear from someone how was/is their reaction to it (I know there are a lot of different kind of antidepressants, but I just wanted to get a general idea of the effects from other people)
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self.depression
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I can't freaking stay like this anymore everyday is a struggle , everyday anxiety ocd and depression consumes me until I lay down and hope that I can sleep or die,mental help is so terrible here,in fact nowadays I'm afraid to leave my room I eat one meal a day so I won't wash my hand but once.
My abusive parents want to put me in a mental institution , which is horrible like it looks like a prison, I can't suicide because of fear i got that i might go to hell,I'm trapped what I'm suppose to do I can't keep going like this, who ever made me whether it's a simulator or aliens or god they hate me i can't keep on this routine I can't break it either.
the options I got is to keep struggling which is freaking impossible because it's winter my hands are bleeding and it's terrible, suicide sounds good but the idea of hell is scaring me.what I am suppose to do?I'm 17 years old dropout with abusive parents who think i'm possessed ?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Something I wrote to feel better, hope someone can enjoy it. [removed]
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self.depression
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I'm trying to kill myself I'm about to kill myself in the next hour or two and I was trying to talk to my friend but they say that they will call 911 if they think i did it so I'm just venting here instead. Why can't I just be rid of my suffering, I don't want to be sent to a hospital and have it amplify with stress.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Small Victory Saturday 8.26.17 Whether you pulled out of bed or broke a world record, you put effort into something this week. What did you do? Let's praise each other for what we've accomplished and feel good about overcoming this disabling suck-age.
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self.bipolar
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I just hurt myself. I was thinking about what a shitty person I am.....and I picked up a little sharp piece of a soda can and dragged it across my wrists. Sometimes it bled, sometimes it didn't. I feel like crying. I won't though, my parents would worry about me. I'm an 11 year old boy, I shouldn't be doing this...,
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self.offmychest
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Finally found the right medication cocktail 😍 I'm so happy and I just wanted to share. After years of misdiagnoses and bad meds, I finally found the right ones! I feel like myself again! It has effected my sex drive but I'm working on that. But all and all I feel stable and happy! I wish the best for all of you and don't give up! So the right combo is out there for you! #stopthestigma
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self.bipolar
|
Where my lamictal ladies at? Period/hormone inquiry In the past I have never been one to have period problems such as severe pms, cramping, bloating and heavy flow BUT now that I have been on lamictal for 8 weeks that has definitely changed. Not cool.
My period was pretty late and what I thought was the start of another terrible mixed episode on christmas eve turned out to be horrid pms. I got a super painful, heavy period on christmas morning! Yea! Its been 5 days and Im still bleeding heavily.
I read that lamictal can cause menstrual cycle issues but as far as experiences go Ive noticed there are a lot more women who either miss periods or have really short cycles.
Anyone have painful, long and heavy flows since starting lamictal? Is this something that my pdoc will be concerned with and possibly pull me off of it for? I really dont want that as it has helped me SO much. Im on 100 mg. Also Abilify 10 mg and seroquel 25 mg. Not on birth control because it made my moods way worse.
Thanks for any and all replies!
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self.bipolar
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On thanksgiving I fucking watched my grandma fall on her face and break her cheek and shoulder and idk why I feel it’s my fault [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I feel lonely, stupid and worthless I'm a student and I'm doing my final year at uni. I had to move cities to finish my degree and now I'm more than 600km from home, I can only come back to my family once every two months, and I've learned that I'll have no break during my second semester, which means four months without going home. I live alone here, I don't know many people, I have no boyfriend, and even though I have conversations with people in my classes I don't feel like I fit in, when we're in a group I'm always the outsider. And they all seem to have more exciting lives than me, they've had enough money to travel while I've never been out of Europe my whole life, they've played sports for years, they've been on placements at embassies and other prestigious places. I come from a lower middle class family and I never got the chance to do these things (don't get this wrong though, I'm grateful to my parents for helping me financially when they can and for having raised me properly). My only hobbies are reading and watching films, but here I barely get out of my room except to go to uni or to the library, and I have no real skills.
So my life is boring as hell and mediocre, I've more or less always been conscious of that. But today a new lecturer reviewed our CVs and when he got to mine, he read aloud the "hobbies and interests" part, he basically told me "with writing this you sound boring to a recruiter" and even though I know I shouldn't take his criticism personally, it still did hurt because it was a confirmation that I am a boring person who isn't desirable in society, who has no life. And then when we reviewed my classmates' CVs I found out that they already knew what to do after graduating, they had an idea about where they would go for their internship, or even had signed their internship contract already. But I still don't know where to go or what to do, it's so confusing and terrifying because this will determine my future, and it's such a huge thing that it blocks me and gives me anxiety. I'm even wondering if I didn't make a mistake in joining that course program, I don't know if I have what it takes for what it prepares. Thing is, I can't quit, because first my family has helped me a lot with settling here, and with paying for my living costs, I don't want to be ungrateful, and second this was a selective masters degree, so I took the place of someone else who really wanted it, but even if I quit that person still wouldn't be able to join the course, and it would be a waste (i don't know if i'm being clear here sorry)
Now, any smart person would use that as a motivation, to try and make things better for themselves, but me, it just makes me feel like going to bed and never wake up :/
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self.depression
|
I have failed to keep my family together. Hello, /r/depression, this is my first post here. Over the past 27 years of my life I have kept my Mother, Father and Brother together. We have been though hell and back living together as a family. Since then things have started to break apart, having a roommate in our house. She has made my mother leave us and we cannot get rid of her because of our Landlord. I've had many phone calls from my mother to take care of everything with my brother and father now. My aunt is now pulling her away from us with great effort. But no matter what I do I cannot convince her that everything will be fine as soon as we get away from this bitch of a roommate. I feel now like I could have prevented this all from happening somehow. Now I shall deal with this for the rest of my life. Somehow, someway, I will fight though this. I will get them back together; I don't know how, but I will. Thank you for reading this. May God have mercy on us.
Edit: My dad and I are sharing one vehicle now. 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week, 9pm to 6am. I feel like death.
Edit 2: My mother and father are getting a divorce now. I'm crying while typing this forgive me.
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self.depression
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I am sick of being sick, is it sickness or is it just me? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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My friend who I've been talking about me being suicidal doesn't think it's a big deal her friends found out and are making jokes about it and harassing me [deleted]
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self.depression
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My ex works at Disneyland, a rant My ex works at Disneyland, now every time I go it means I would have to see my abuser. I just got a pass for both our son and I and I don’t want it to go to waste. He’s beaten me in front of our son so many times this past month and when I called the police he manipulated the entire situation and I ended up getting arrested. When I tried showing the officer my prior bruises or even tried speaking he threatened to take my son away. When my sister tried speaking to the officer he said the same thing “want me to take the boy away?” I ended up being released three days later, DA rejected my case. Probably because they saw he lied about everything?
So now whenever I go to Disneyland I have to see the son of a bleep that got me arrested, almost got our son taken away, and almost ruined my law enforcement career.
And it’s not like he works in a ride or in a store he works in the CENTER of the park where if I enter I must pass through him.
These past few days I’ve just been so mad. So f angry at him and everything in general. I wish I had the balls to expose this son of a Bleep in front of his friends and family.. though I know I’ll never do that.
So now I can’t even enjoy Disneyland anymore because I’ll probably see him and it’ll probably ruin my day and my son will most likely want to say hi to his daddy and knowing his daddy he’ll probably pretend he doesn’t know our son so that his friends/ girls that work there don’t find out he has a child like the pathetic man he is.
That’s the last of my rant.
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self.offmychest
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TFW you're manic and decide to get drunk and word vomit [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Unsure about my plan to get help, now that final exams are over and I feel "better" and not as suicidal anymore [deleted]
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self.depression
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This loneliness just keeps piling on. Hey everybody,
I've been feeling really invisible lately. For context, I am a medical student. It's been a hard month for me emotionally. While I have been keeping up with my grades pretty well, I feel so isolated from almost everyone around me. I feel unnoticed, sitting at my desk while conversations happen all around the room. Don't get me wrong, I don't wear this sad look on my face all day for people to see and think "I shouldn't bother that guy". I try to look happy, open to conversation, and smile at people as they walk past me and say the usual "good morning" and what not. But that is as far as those interactions go. No one asks me anything more even if I start it down that path. Friday and Saturday nights are the worse. I always see friends/classmates hanging out, getting drinks on snapchat without me. Mind you, these are people in my study group that I meet often. It hurts when I first saw it, but it has since been an expected feeling now for a while.
The real punch to the gut happened this past week: 1) I think my crush hates me; she's not ambivalent towards me. I think she doesn't like me as a person. 2) You don't realize how little people think of you until you look on a compliments board meant to promote positivity and not see anyone write your name on there. This thing has been put up since school began, and while I get its purpose, for me, it just doubles down that loneliness.
Before you all suggest that I work on myself to make myself happier, know that working on myself has been what I've been doing. I run everyday, I'm getting better at cooking, I'm getting closer to becoming a doctor, I talk to my family pretty regularly, and I've been sleeping well (as well as a medical student can sleep). But I still feel empty inside despite all that. What's the point of all this self-improvement when you cannot connect with someone? Why am I doing this if there is no recognition and I'm looking to a possible life of dying alone? In high school and undergrad, I was smart and people usually come to me for help. While feeling used for your brain and tossed aside once they succeed did bring about its own depression, I don't even have that anymore.
At this point, I wonder what's wrong with me. Is it the unattractiveness, because I do admit to not making People's Sexiest Man Alive. Is there a sense of socially awkwardness that people have seen that I may have not realized existed in me? Will I become so obsessed with working on myself that I will turn into some sort of Patrick Bateman-like character who only does these things to climb up a social ladder?
Whatever it is, I don't want to stay in this emotional state forever. It's not healthy. Sometimes, I really DO think that people have this innate ability to become good at making friends, but it's a piece that I apparently never received or learned. And if I fake it, it just looks like I'm trying too hard.
Thanks for the therapy
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self.offmychest
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I've lost my brother. My brother passed away. He had a hard fight with heroin and depression. On Tuesday he ended his life.
I can't eat, I can barely sleep, I'm either furious or depressed.
I need help. I don't know what to do.
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self.depression
|
I don’t deserve to live. I keep making mistakes that hurt the people I love, so there is no reason to live and I don’t deserve to live if I have no one after I do things to hurt them.. my life sucks.. I wanna die.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I didn't think a smooth landing was possible This has never happened to me before. Yesterday I came down from what others were saying was hypomania (I'm not so sure) without crashing into depression. It's so strange. It feels like I'm in this weird pleasant limbo state. I didn't think it was possible, but I guess I'm actually stable now? Can meds even do that? Prevent the crash I mean.
I have no idea how long I'm going to be able to stay like this, though before I go one way or the other again. It just really sucks that I won't get to be this way forever. Sooner or later it's all going to come back. There's no easy way of preventing it.
Regardless, I'm thankful for the respite, brief as it may be.
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self.bipolar
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I haven’t seen my family in two years and I’m going into debt to get home this Christmas. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Any fictional characters you guys relate to? Looking for more stuff to dive into. Off the top of my head, Max Payne and Gregor Samsa come to mind
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self.depression
|
I have no one left to turn to My friend, well, “friend” I tried to talk to about how shit I feel told me to stop wallowing and just get out there. And when I tried to explain to her what depression feels like she asked what I wanted her to do about it, “invite you out?” And I said yeah but “I assume you need some space” cuz she was really mad at me for how I was feeling for some reason, cuz I said she didn’t understand how bad I was feeling. And she didn’t reply. And here I am, my last friend ignoring me and everyone else posting fun shit to their social media while I stare at my ceiling, intense angry, sad feelings radiating from my chest. This is the first night I don’t black out drink. I’ve now been forward with everyone about how I’m feeling. Everyone says they care, but won’t take me out of this hellhole. Every night the same. I’ll have a breakdown, contact someone, they’ll say they care. But here I am again. Alone. People only really care when you’re dead. It’s taking every ounce of will in my body to not get drunk and slice my arms open.
I’m so alone
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self.SuicideWatch
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I want to die but I'm afraid of what my family will think. I feel that I have nothing left to live for, my family knows there is something really wrong but the way they have been treating me is making me feel even worse. They want me to get better but I feel like I can't and I'm afraid if I kill myself, they will go their whole lives blaming themselves... What do I do?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Do you ever question why you do the things you do? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I think my Psychiatry appointment went wrong Things that went wrong: The appointment was at 7:30, I promptly forgot to set an alarm and I woke up at 6:47. I got there late, didn't have a physical copy of my insurance for their files, and I was continually rushed to finish their massive pile of paperwork.
I met the MD, her questions made me anxious. I talked at the speed of light because I was constantly worried about not getting to work on time. She asked about my childhood (the appointment was to get help for my ADHD and anxiety) and I felt I had something to prove. I cried when she asked about my family life... I feel like a failure for crying.
She didn't seem convinced that I had ADHD, even though my GP prescribed my Adderall and Vyvanse more than a year ago now and it's really helped me immensely. She rushed me out the appointment, I forgot she still had my meds... so now I have to call back to get those.
I asked her when I could get a refill on my current medication, but she said we'd talk about that next month (Dec. 7th!! my pills will run out in half that time). The only thing she said she'd start me on was 5mg of Lexapro...
I feel completely invalidated and like I poured my soul to someone who couldn't give 2 shits. I feel like a huge fraud now. She really only ever sees kids with ADHD, so it's no surprise... I just feel like the walls are caving in on me now.
Don't know where to go from here.
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self.Anxiety
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24/f with severe methyphobia Of course, I have general anxiety. I have anxiety about not being in control, what my S.O. is feeling toward me, certain social situations, and more. The most debilitating by FAR, however, is my methyphobia.
Methyphobia is the fear of alcohol. This means no parties, no weddings, very few friends, and a ton (virtually 100%) of uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing conversations with strangers. This means feeling extremely anxious in grocery stores, gas stations, and restaurants that serve alcohol. This means anxiety attacks over song lyrics and TV/movie scenes. This means either not dating, or feeling controlling, manipulative, and abusive in a relationship that will always end in heartbreak because I am never good enough for someone to put it down forever.
I can't tell you where it started, other than that my family never had alcohol around. Ever. The only person I have ever seen drink alcohol is my asshole brother on my 18th birthday. This phobia arose when I was extremely young, but really took off around 15/16 when my friends began drinking. When I was 17, I dated a girl who was a large alcohol fan to say the least. It lasted 4 miserable years, and she thankfully put the bottle down for me for almost the entire time. However, this made no one happy. She wasn't happy because she wasn't doing things that she wanted to be, and I wasn't happy because I felt both controlling and like I wasn't good enough.
My next relationship lasted 2 years. She didn't get it at first. I thought I could be better for her. I wanted to be okay with her occasionally having a beer with her friends, or just going out with her parents. I still felt extremely controlling and manipulative. One night, she got black out drunk and texted me. I don't know why I woke up, but I did. It was one of the worst nights of my life. I don't want to explain it at this time.
My current relationship, I feel slightly better about it. She is pretty good at calming my anxiety relating to this. But at first, she didn't get it at all. She is not a liar or a hider, so she would tell me about it. My reaction made no sense to her. Complete shutdowns. Dark, endless holes. Total deterioration of who I am and how I normally process things. She has gotten to understand, probably better than anyone else has, how it makes me feel and why. Not that there really is a "why" in regards to an irrational, debilitating fear.
That's about all of the energy that I have to explain this at the moment. I just need it out there. I need someone to tell me that they understand. No one does. People say "I wish I had that problem." No the fuck you don't.
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self.Anxiety
|
I don’t know what’s wrong with me I’m a full time college student, and today has honestly been a good day, for the record. I got an offer to work as a tutor next semester, and I found out that next week I don’t have to take one of my finals due to the fact that I had an A. I have a new job that pays well, and every physical need in my life is taken care of. In spite of that, last week I managed to get into hot water with my parents due to falling asleep in church and being generally ungrateful. On my back to my apartment from their place, I fell asleep behind the wheel of my car and nearly ran it off the road. The police stopped me, and thankfully didn’t ticket me. Up until today this week, due to those events I’ve felt like a spectacular failure.
Tonight, I went out with a group of friends from a recreational club for an end of the semester dinner, and I left early. There were two reasons for this, the first being that I saw myself in the mirror again, and remembered how much weight I’ve gained this semester from a poor diet and lack of exercise. The second thing that caused me to want to leave was my inability to interact with anyone. I saw a friend of mine and a girl that I had tried to date earlier in the semester really hitting it off, and everyone else at the table seemed to be laughing and enjoying each other’s company. I just couldn’t do it. I don’t know why I couldn’t, because I really wanted to. I wanted to be part of that, but I just can’t be *fun*.
I think both my weight issues and social problems are both causes for my inability to find a partner, which is something that’s bothered me since my freshman year of high school. Even if I managed to get into shape, which I have no confidence that I will given how late I am in my life at this point, I just don’t have the personality to keep someone else entertained and happy enough to stay with me.
I have a lot to be thankful for, so I think it’s wrong of me to even be complaining about this, but my parents and friends are probably sick of the whining. I don’t know who else to talk to right now.
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self.depression
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I need some good support forums recommendations before I go insane [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Anyone else have trouble consistently taking their meds? Just last year, while in jail actually, after coming down from a manic episode and then spiraling further into the latter, I was finally confronted again with my type 1 bipolar diagnosis. I was lit back on my meds, (depakote ER, trazadone, gabapentin and prasosin) and stayed on them until being transferred to a rehab facility (as a result of trauma, undiagnosed/misdiagnosed bipolar I developed a really shitty and extreme addiction issues) where they were "hostilic" and took me off my meds. One manic episode in and they made a exception for that rule quickly....lol. after that, and making a "timeline" of my relapses, and it being made clear as day that taking my meds, for me, is a matter of life and death because of my addiction, I stayed on them, and stable for a few months. I had a slip where I stopped taking my meds, went manic after a week, relapsed, but was able to catch myself before everything went to shit...but again a few months later the same thing happened, I wasn't so lucky, and have been stuck in another relapse for a few months and self medicating.
I now find myself very aware I need my meds. J talked to my therapist today who essentially told me that I need to accept my diagnosis, and that I need to take my meds if I want to succeed, based on all the past times I've tried anything otherwise. I've had intentions of calling my psych doctor, I plan to, but I'll pick up the phone and put it down. Or procrastinate it. When manic I'll say that it will keep me from fulfilling my purpose or "take away" my ability to "feel fully" and "see the future". I KNOW I need to. I plan on calling first thing tomorrow for the first possible appointment. I want to get better. But I won't stop fucking myself over.
Does anyone else have this issue? Or can relate? I'm just now starting to realize I'm not crazy, or alone, and it's in fact my bipolar that's effecting my life like this. And I would appreciate anyone who has similar issue's input on this.
This is my first post here.. sorry for the wall of text and I hope it meets all the community guidelines. Thank you for reading if you've gotten this far.
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self.bipolar
|
Does This Sound Like A Mixed Episode To Anyone? I'm Still Figuring This Shit Out, So Be Patient With Me. I'll try to keep this as short and descriptive as possible, which are two things that don't really go together. Please bear with me!
Just a little background, I've had bipolar disorder for several years now but I wasn't diagnosed for a while and then, once I was, I was in denial about the diagnosis for several more years. It's only within the last year that I have come to accept that I really am bipolar, and as a result, I'm trying to catch up on what I didn't learn. I'm still in the process of recognizing all of the signs of my episodes instead of just being lost in them, so I would appreciate it if you all could help me out with this one.
Here's what's been going on with me lately. It's lasted for a little while, but it's getting worse and worse and I think it may be time for a medication adjustment or to reach out for help. I've been experiencing racing thoughts, trouble sleeping, high anxiety, a need to talk and keep talking, I've been very social (I'm usually an introvert), I've been pretty productive, I've wanted to use substances that I've never used before, and I've spent all my money and beyond. But on the other hand, I'm feeling low, unmotivated, self-hating, like I want to isolate, like I want to be left alone, low energy, inadequate, and like nothing will ever get better for me. My emotions are alternating from minute to minute, and often I'm feeling all of these things at the same time. It's very confusing, and I'm wondering if any of you have experienced something similar? What should I do about it? Thanks in advance for taking the time to reply!
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self.bipolar
|
I feel like there is this darkness I feel like there is this darkness. But it's not like a normal darkness. It's like the darkness of the night sky, it's pretty. It's hard to stay away because I'm attracted to it. The things that keep the darkness from consuming me is brief distractions of beautiful shining light just at the right time. However, that light doesn't last. That light is like the light shining off of jewelry. If you touch it too much it loses its shininess. I know that the darkness is bad, but it's so hard to resist and it looks better every day. Now I hate the night because the darkness always returns. I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out. I'm scared. I'm scared of myself more than anything because deep down I don't think the darkness is that pretty, but there's everything else telling me that it is. I tried to tell people about this before, but they didn't take it seriously enough. Now I'm just waiting for another event to come along and send me closer to the darkness. One of those events has happened every year starting at the end. I wonder how close I can get to the darkness without being consumed. If I am consumed by the darkness I am the only one to blame because I haven't been as straight forward about it as I should. Life comes at you fast and can change in the blink of an eye. I have learned that first hand. Everyone told me "You're the man of the house now." However, I wasn't ready for that and I still am not ready. I am failing as "the man of the house." Sometimes I just want to drink away my sorrows, but I can't. I can;t because first of all I'm under age and second of all that's only a temporary solution to a permanent problem. I used to tell myself I could never do the permanent solution, but now I'm not so sure. It's not like that many people would truly care. There would be a bunch of fakers. Five friends and my family would care. Family has to care though. I wonder that if they didn't have to care, would they? I think I care, but I'm not sure of anything anymore. So, I have five people that I think would care unconditionally, but I don't know if they would. I was told that there's something wrong with me and I shrugged it off, but they were right there is something wrong with me. I'm worried about my career because I need a reason. Everything that I want to do keeps on getting shot down. If I have no reason than what's the point? I push people away whenever I get too close to them. The best way to describe everything is I DON'T KNOW.
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self.offmychest
|
The emptiness inside me makes me feel like i want to die. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I am a 6 foot 6 black dude. Nobody gives a shit if I'm not okay. I don't matter. Feelings are not for someone like me. Nobody wants to know me. It doesn't matter what I feel or think. I'm just a background prop for other people's lives. Just something for normal people to make passing comments about before they return to their normal lives. Things like love or friendship are not mine to have. I am not supposed to feel anything. I am not a person.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Help with managing anger I was first diagnosed as depression then later, bipolar. But I had this problem ever since I started to take the meds.
I try SO hard to maintain the so called “happy” mood. I just try so hard to keep my depressions down below the surface so I don’t effect others around me.
But whenever someone ruins my mood, I get uncontrollably mad and I begin to yell at them things I would never say to them. I get strong urge to throw stuff or hit that person but I know that’s wrong in the inside so I try to keep that under control. What I can’t control is yelling and cursing. I just get so mad at the fact that they have ruined my mood, which I have been trying so hard to maintain.
Maybe I’m just tired of everything. Honestly I am sick of changing my meds to find the “right” one and the side effects are killing me. I am seriously lacking memories and verbal skills and that stresses me out greatly. I am sick of depression and I hate myself for not being who I am before I was diagnosed. What’s wrong with me? Is this real me? I would never curse at someone or yell at them, but now look at me full of anger and madness.
I just want to end my life seriously. I don’t want to hurt any more feelings of my loved ones and I hate myself for even thinking about hurting them when I was mad and uncontrollable. Does anyone else have this problem??
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self.depression
|
Don’t you hate when people tell you to be strong?? and you are just like: every time you tell me that, it makes me stronger!!... your words are so powerful!!... can you please tell me to be hotter??
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self.Anxiety
|
Going haywire despite meds Feeling quite frustrated and confused the past weeks. This time last year I was admitted to the hospital and have since been put on a litany of meds. Now I’m experiencing the same symptoms, despite being on wayy more meds (past: lamictal and propranolol, present:lamictal, propranolol, lithium, vraylar, zyprexa). Anyone else experience this? Could I be developing a tolerance or immunity?
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self.bipolar
|
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