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Forgot I took my medicine, had a couple drinks. What now? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Just need someone to talk to. been a really tough two weeks. Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I just need people to talk to.
I'm a third year student in college and have never been so stressed with school and life in general. This semester ends in a little over a month and I still have nearly 40 pages worth of papers, a mountain of assignments, 2 presentations, and 2 exams.
My mom also broke her ankle a week and a half ago and she got a few plates and some screws in her ankle. She's not going to be able to get around for quite some time (at least 3 months) as she is not in the physical shape to properly use crutches for any more than 2 minutes at a time. It kills me to see her like this.
I have been trying to find balance but every time I think about the tasks I still need to complete I feel my heart drop and I want nothing more than for it to just end. I have slept for about a total of 10 hours in the past week and have trouble staying asleep in the times that I do get some rest. Every time I think about school, I have trouble breathing and I get cold. It is also hard to put on a face that does not worry my mom. The last thing I want is for her to worry about me and for her to see the mental state that I am in.
Sorry if this was a mess and difficult to read, I just can't think straight right now.
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self.Anxiety
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Lost I don't know what to do anymore. I am so unhappy. I feel that I put on this fasade when I interact with people daily, but when I go back home, I am depressed, sad, and angry. I have so much pressure and stress going on in my life that I have no idea where to start. Just lost my girlfriend of 3 years because of my toxicity, found out that finishing grad school in May probably won't happen due to a deployment with the military, my job as a Fixed Income Trader that I just earned after years of hard work could be down the drain due to this deployment, and I'm worried in general about making my mark on this world. I have a million thoughts running through my head and almost on the daily, I contemplate suicide. I have acted on it a few times and I don't see myself making it out of this alive, what can I do?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I am a rapid rapid cycler? I use the app Daylio to record my moods but I realised that I would need an app to record my mood every freakin hour to get an accurate picture. Eg. Yesterday I started the morning in a very irritable depressed mood and then by lunch time I was back to normal and feeling fine. Tonight I'll probably be hypomanic. Then I'll crash and be depressed. And the cycle continues like a light flicking on and off.
I have thought about the possibility of borderline disorder. My mother and sister have it. But I am so different to them, I don't sabotage or abuse anyone but myself. I have a lot of empathy. I'm not living in a delusional world. But I do share a lot of other traits.
At any rate, does anyone else with Bipolar II have this problem?
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self.bipolar
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I feel bad cause i didn't do anything useful in my life and all i do is sit at my computer all day Hi redditors how is it going? Is everyone okay? Well, i'm not i feel kinda bad lately cause these group of friends are making fun of me telling me rude stuff that i don't want to hear but again when i attack them they say "It's only a joke dude chill" and i don't get their insults as jokes as they are repeating the same thing every day and i'm sick of it. Also i spend almost all of my time on the PC i feel like i didn't acomplish anything in my life and all that. So I went to do a depression test like 5 minutes ago and started crying for no reason but yesterday i did the same test and i was okay i don't know what is happening to me i gained everything that i wanted i have a good PC and a scooter everything as i did want as i was a child and now i'm crying for no reason i don't know what is happening to me i feel kinda bad and can't sleep at night and have stomach problems. Please help.
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self.depression
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Turns out paranoia was right about one thing. I've posted here before. I simply talked or rather vented about everything that had piled up over time, and I just let it flow out in some giant textwalls in hopes of relieving some weight off my back. In that post, I mentioned that my parents weren't the most... supportive. They don't straight up dismiss mental illnesses, thank god, but you could say that they underestimate the effect it has on a person's point of view regarding, well, everything.
I'll give some quick facts first so we're all on the same page: I'm just some dude, 21yo (turning 22 in february), currently working in a supermarket at the register. With the way colleges work here, I didn't have to go to college for the first semester since I had validated all my classes. This second semester however I have very few classes I need to validate, which means I'll be going back to college, probably.
The 'probably' is here because of a conversation I just had with my mother, a conversation that is currently leaving me a sobbing mess though it's calmed down now, thanks to my cat's loving presence.
She called me downstairs to our living room, and she asked me to answer her seriously about whether I really wanted to go back to college or not, and if I were to continue working instead. Truth be told, I don't even know myself. Right now, I'm not living my life, but I'm just... existing, sort of like a puppet you have to poke to make them move. I tell her that I don't know. She isn't pleased with my answer. So I tell her the one truth.
>"Frankly, I have no will... to live to begin with, so either path doesn't make much of a difference for me."
Frankly, I should have shut up. This started this whole conversation where I tried getting out my feelings, how much I was affected... But it was like talking to a wall. They treat me like I'm a toddler, overreaction and being ridiculous. I'm barely an adult, and my mother makes a big point of it. She says that she's getting tired of the whole of me (aka my depression bouts where I'd miss college due to inextricable fear and anxiety of disappointing my family :^) Fear and anxiety that I'd never succeed to begin with. Pessimistic thoughts that the job I'm trying to get a degree for isn't suited for me. I mean, a teacher with social anxiety? What a joke, right? My family finds it funny. They say I need to get over my ass because I'll be judged and looked constantly. That I won't be able to do it if I'm like this. Then they question why I can't imagine myself as a teacher, lol). She says my father, with whom I have an excellent relationship with, feels the same though he doesn't show it. This hurt so much more than I thought. I thought I could have at least one ally, one person I can trust.
I can't.
My mother started telling me next about how... As an adult, I need to be 'alone'. Which means no asking my aunt for presents at random, no eating at my grandparents' house if we have nothing cooked (We live right next to each other and are linked by our garage, so it takes me less than a minute to get to their house. And in our home, most "meals" are microwaveable meals that are barely edible). All in all, I'm feeling like a giant piece of turd for existing. The irony is I believe she means it when she says she wants my happiness. But right now, all this did was fuel my will to just kill myself. Though I'm too much of a coward to do it. I'm too much of a nuisance. Woudn't want to make my parents deal with another funeral. They already lost a kid, I can't make them pay more. Honestly, I'd love to relieve everyone of my presence if it meant I'd never been born at all. I'd do it right away. But nope, gotta live and find ~happiness~!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wherever it is, I guess.
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self.depression
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i have never felt that empty my best friend is in hospital because of me. he said if i dont put down the knife he will jump out of the window. he did. now he recovers in hospital. and i just feel nothing. nothing at all. when i close my eyes all i see is myself sleeping in a grave and never wakeing up again. i lost every hope and i cant imagine anything giving me back feelings. im so tired and empty. i dont know what to do anymore. it feels like im just standing here like a statue while time flies by. in over 10 years of depression, suicidal thoughts etc i have never felt... like i do since a week. i dont feel like im alive anymore. like im a human. i cut myself and i had so make sure that im actually cutting. because i barely felt it. this is hell on earth. because im never out of crazy ideas. but now i feel like im already dead. it feels like right now im dreaming.
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self.SuicideWatch
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PLS Help me i've started a gaming channel Kyle Scribbles. and also what are you doing when u feel so down.
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self.depression
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Life is so fucking shitty again god damnit I'm alone. I have no passion for anything. I work all the damn time. No fun in my life. No woman. No nothing. Might as well just fucking smoke heroin and die right? I can't stand being a prisoner to my own thought. Constantly sitting in silence wondering when things will start to change for me again. All I can do for now I feel is hope something interesting happens to me while I'm at work. Just wanna die sometimes. It would be easier
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self.depression
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I’m getting angry I’m stuck, there’s no way out of this. I wanna scream. I wanna yell at my friends and siblings when they ask why I don’t play games, or do better in school, or have a girlfriend.
I’m not them. I’m fucking useless.
My chest hurts, my heart hurts.
I can’t do anything that makes me happy, no time.
I’m tired. Lonely.
Why do people want me to live if I can’t get what I want and barely what I need?
So they can feel better about themselves and go on with their pretty good and normal lives?
Please kill me, I’m exhausted and I’m tired
I can’t do this, somebody please understand this isn’t worth it
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self.SuicideWatch
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How do I say no to my boss when she asks me to work extra hours that make me super anxious all the time? I have pretty severe anxiety disorder that gets severe when I don't have much free time, when I don't get enough sleep, when I have to drive or be outside at night. I work in an office 9am - 5 pm and it's full time. But my boss asks me or sometimes doesn't ask me but just assigns me to work extra. But the working extra is not what I'm hired to do. I am hired to work on the website and help users reset their passwords, and also do graphic design. But the extra work is often doing check ins at events that the company has planned which usually means I will work from 9 am to 9pm! Or taking care of kids for an event, being the make shift photographer at an event, or passing out things like tickets to people at an event. Just when I think I will have this weekend off like I'm supposed to I get stuck with having to work more over the weekend.
My boss knows I have anxiety disorder and depression but I guess she just doesn't understand or is choosing not to remember. How do I explain to her that I can only work during the 9-5 during the weekdays because everyday when I come home I want to kill myself because I don't want to live a life that is always work work work??
What do I have to do? Do I have to get a doctor's note? Do I just have to say no I don't want to work extra because I am too anxious?
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self.Anxiety
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Do you find your bipolar symptoms are triggered by romantic relationships? I was unhappy the last 3 years of my marriage. I felt like all I thought about were the underlying reasons for my unhappiness. Lack of sex, lack of emotional and physical connection between myself and my husband. Lack of spending time together. Etc.
My mania symptoms were off the charts during this time. My whole goal was to find happiness by searching for these things outside of my marriage.
I ended up filing for divorce, moving out and beginning a new relationship. Well this relationship triggered depression and my anxiety and racing thoughts were off the charts. I was afraid to lose this new man since he gave me all the things I never had in my marriage. I had so many made up scenarios of him cheating and/or leaving I basically became jealous and insecure. Something I never was!
My new bf and I broke up two weeks ago and although I’m sad and miss him lots, (I cry and feel lonely and depressed at night) I feel somewhat relieved because my anxiety is gone, my racing thoughts and made up scenarios are gone, in fact at lot of symptoms are gone. (I’m not medicated)
I’m focusing better during the day at work. I’m killing it actually! Im more motivated than I have been in a long time. I feel relaxed and relieved that the only person I need to worry about is myself.
Maybe I’m not cut out for relationships or something.
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self.bipolar
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Are you an idealist? Other than surviving, is there a reason why you choose to live day to day? What’s your motivation? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Venting: It was my first day at my new job today. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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No friends and lonely but happy as fuck now? My female friend just left me yesterday and said to me that she was tired from me and does not want to be friend anymore with me and i said ok. Although i should be sad now but i am happy because i have internet and video games to play.I feel like i was made to be a lonely person.
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self.depression
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quitting zoloft These past few months have been so awful. For a while I was crying non-stop and rarely leaving my bed so I decided to start taking anti-depressants to help me get back on my feet and stop feeling suicidal. I wasn’t really liking them, but my psych increased my dose until I wasn’t feeling anything. It made me far more suicidal than ever. I almost killed myself 2 weeks ago because I felt so numb and no longer cared about anyone or anything. I’m currently working on tapering off on my own. I’m a bit nervous about it but I think it’s for the best. I’ve been taking a lower dosage the past few days and feel so much better emotionally, though physically I’ve been exhausted but I hope it’ll go away. Anyways, I just wanted to get this all off my chest. I just want to be happy so bad and I hope this will do it for me. It scares me to think how close I was to killing myself, how carefully I planned it, how ready I was. I’m thankful for my friends for stopping me. I’m thankful to be alive today.
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self.depression
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What meds stabilized you from a mixed/rapid cycling state? Just out of curiosity. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.
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self.bipolar
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Cutting with a razor Can you cut until you bleed to death using a regular razor? When I cut I never seem to go deep enough, just end up making little cuts up my arm that hardly bleed. Ive tried cutting with nail clippers in the past but it isn't as effective. I've become so desperate there's no hope left.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I hate this I've been trying to get help. Weeks of doing research, making phone calls, wasting my energy and getting my hopes up for nothing. Most places don't take Medicaid. The one place in the area that does and also accepts self-referred patients took a month of constant following up to finally get back to me, and the soonest intake appointment they have (allegedly) is two weeks out. I took it, but I still have to survive until then. I'm nonfunctional at work. I can't take another two weeks of this.
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self.depression
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People... I have been in a dark place for a few months. Feeling alone and world do anything for my husband to understand.
Already feeling worthless I had to work with a client who kept calling me incompetent for stupid things. Things like there being no supervisor for them to talk with other than me, if they wanted to talk to my supervisor it would be 72 hours.. incompetent. Me trying to offer to resolve their problem.. incompetent.
Dark thoughts running through my head even worse then they have been.
No matter how angry you are at a company don't make personal attacks to the person representing that company.
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self.depression
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I cannot believe you became an asshole. I know that you are angry at our mother for what happened, i never wished to give you so much trouble for everything, you know it was his fault.
That still, doesnt give you the reason to criticize me for just being who i am, like, fuck you, who do you think you are anyways?
If i look to you like an idiot on the internet, then i will look like an idiot, but im being myself, and i have no fucking regrets about it, because ITS ME, NOT YOU.
Because whenever i try to talk with you, i try to cheer you up, i wish i could pay you back what i owe you, i wish i could give you something in return to pay you for saving us that time.
I dont want to get angry with you because i dont want to break our family more than its already. Its not worth it, but you are making it happen. I understand your reason, but its not a reason to treat me like shit!
Because whenever you tell me something that hurts my feelings about how i act, it pisses me off a lot, do you know why? BECAUSE YOU ARE EXACTLY, LITERALLY ACTING LIKE OUR FATHER, HE ALWAYS INSULTED ME FOR BEING ME AND NOT BEING HIM, THAT IS WHAT I FUCKING HATE, AND YOU DONT REALIZE THAT YOU ARE EXACTLY FUCKING DOING THAT, AND WHEN I TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE BEING LIKE HIM, ITS BECAUSE OF THAT!
Thats it, i vented off here, but if you fucking insult me again, im snapping. And im fucking serious this time.
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self.offmychest
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Has anyone else experienced like a massive upheaval in anxiety after starting therapy? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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[NAW] I don't need positivity or advice. Everyone is in pain.
Some more than others,
Yet all immeasurable.
My pain is unbearable,
Yet unremarkable.
I am but a slash on the wrist of self-indulgence.
My vices ensnare me,
Their promise of escape is enticing.
Yet I am just one of many soothed by their embrace.
One of the others,
He collected scars.
His last words belong to his wrist.
He blamed those around him,
So he couldn't claim his hurt.
For he could not handle the shame of being at fault.
After long days he'd grab his key,
He'd sink it into his arm and drag.
His final words beginning to take shape.
Each day hope developed with each slash,
Because he was almost finished.
It wasn't long before his message took shape.
With his last action he grabbed a razor,
Let out a heavy sigh,
And underlined the message.
His line followed the track of his veins.
And while struggling to keep the same precision,
Slashed his other wrist up and down.
He left no note,
No message other than his arm.
Above his seeping wounds were scars that spelled out:
UNIQUE
Everyone is in pain.
Some more than others,
Yet all immeasurable.
My pain is unbearable,
Yet unremarkable.
I am not unique.
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self.offmychest
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The future just feels like it's going to be pointless monotony and I can't figure out why I should live it. I'm a senior, graduating college after next semester, and I feel like my future is going to be a pointless monotony.
I'll get a job, work day in day out, go to bed, wake up, and do it all over again. This will continue for a number of years I til I either die or retire and wait to die. I'll be just as alone as ever.
Back in middle school, it was always working towards reaching high school. In high school, it was working towards college. In college, it's working towards graduation and a job. After that, what is there to work towards? A 9-5 job where I exist alone until I die? Sure I have friends now but we will likely all go out separate ways and making friends after moving to a new city while working a career as an adult is next to impossible so I'll just end up alone. I'll work until I die alone, so what's the point? There's nothing left to work towards, nothing to look forwards to
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self.depression
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Thursday December 7th 2017, I will finally be free. Goodbye Reddit.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I want to cuddle with someone And I have no one to cuddle with.
The only other thing that could help me feel a little bit better is alcohol.
And I hate alcohol.
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self.depression
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The suicide hotline hung up on me. I feel so sad. I ran out of my Zoloft so I haven't been able to take it for two days since its the weekend. the withdrawl is making me feel like shit. I have been doing fantastic for months now but today was awful. I just feel like such shit. I can't find a psychiatrist to resubscribe my medications. Every phyciatrist I call says they only offer counsiling. maybe I sound like a drug seeker to them when I call. I'm not. I just want my prescriptions redone. I was diagnoised years ago. I take zoloft which i ran out of two days ago. xanax which i ran out of two months ago. but my panic attacks have come back so I'm trying to get that repruscribed. the only meds I have enough of are my adderall and my thyroid medicine. I feel so guilty that I havn't gone outside today even though I didn't even want to. I told myself I'd stay home and enjoy today. I still like shit for not going outside and enjoying the weather. does anyone have advice for calling phyciatrists. my insurances website is almost zero help
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self.SuicideWatch
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They think I'm "cured" Ok, hey everyone. A lot has been on my mind so I decided to vent, I'm in a really unhealthy state rn so it might not seem logical to other people but I'll explain my situation as best as I can:
So, I am 17 years old, and when I was 15 I tried to kill myself. And no, I don't just mean a silly little outburst in front of my parents or whatever, mine was considered a "first degree suicide attempt" or some other bullshit like that. I tried to OD. Unfortunately, after sending a goodbye text to my only friend (I know big mistake on my part) she called the cops on me. Bottom line is, after two bottles of activated charcoal later, here I am alive. I was in and out of inpatient 4 times over the last 2 years, and it didn't help at all. It was basically full of kids with anger issues/ and or drug addicts. I was neither of those, so I couldn't relate with anyone. Finally I was sent back to public school Sophomore year, and things only got worse. My grades plummeted, people continued to ignore me, and now I was constantly under supervision 24/7. I couldn't even hang out with my friends alone. Anyways, sob story over, I've finally gained my parent's trust back to the point where they don't watch every movement I make, and now I think it's time. I've stopped going to therapy due to it being a waste of money, and honestly my grades are absolutely atrocious (Junior year now). There's no point anymore, I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do with my life, due to the fact I have no talents, no colleges are ever going to accept me. I would rather die now, rather than wait and watch everyone's life improve except mine. I'm broken, defective, and whether people realize it or not, their life would be the exact same without me in it. It hurts to even stand up in the morning, so how the hell am I going to be able to face the real world once I graduate? The answer is, I can't, so I should just end my suffering now.
Ok, there's my erratic rant, just needed to write it out I guess, especially since telling even a tiny bit of this to someone would land me back in the loony-bin. I don't have any plans rn, but I'm starting to get tired of attempting to wait until things get better, because it's been 2 years and not a damn thing has changed. Bye for now...
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self.SuicideWatch
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Suddenly all my friends are drinking alcohol and I am repulsed. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Completely isolated I moved to another country to study (this is definitively on the top 3 worst decisions of my life) about 1.5 months ago. I don't care about having friends because it's too much effort I can't put up with it. But I literally know 0 people. I have no classmates to rely on because I was put into classes that hadn't been full yet. Every class I watch with people from courses different than mine. So far I've interacted more with professors (which is rare considering I have a phobia of talking to authorities) than with any other student.
I feel defective and unwelcome. I tried scheduling an appointment with a mental health professional at the university's health center but it's hopeless - no one picks up the phone, there's never anyone at the reception, no one answers my emails. I feel I have to compensate for my lack of social skills by excelling academically so I don't feel like a complete worthless piece of shit. Not a day goes by without me regretting ever coming here.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Went on 2mg Abilify exactly 7 days ago as of today. I've gained 7 pounds. I am a 32 year old woman who was RX'd Abilify 2mg last week and began taking it a week ago today. I take it with 30mg lexapro, which i've taken for several years with no weight gain at all.
I am naturally very thin and always have been under weight. I have
never had to worry about my weight...until now being on an AAP. I don't even own a scale and borrowed my roommate's today to find out my weight today and last week. The day I began the meds, 7 days ago, I was 117lbs, and am now 124.5. I am still within the healthy benchmark for my height at 5'6.
However, given that it's only been a week and its 7 pounds, that's a lot, isn't it? I am excited to be a bit curvier and filled out, but I worry about how unhealthy this rapid increase could be, as diabetes runs in my family and I worry this medication will affect my health and metabolism negatively.
This now is the ultimate incentive to exercise (as i was infrequent) and eat few calories/carbs than before. I used to be someone who could eat anything and be rail thin.
I'm hoping the effects of Abilify will out weigh the bad. I found that on day 5 of taking it, which was this Monday, was the first day I really felt like it was beginning to make me feel better. So far, I find myself in a happier mood and my coworkers today told me I seem happier and asked me if something good or different happened. I didn't have an answer! I am now not scowling or irritable like I was. I am able to smile at people in my building now at work, when I wasn't able to before.
I'm curious to find out from other women what their weight gain has been like on Abilify. Were you able to control your weight eventually while still taking it? Or did you have to stop taking it in order to loose weight? Has anyone been able to loose weight after stopping it?
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self.bipolar
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I feel trapped in conflicting identities, I feel death is the only way out. I'm too young to be serious, but I'm going to be. Even though I'm 13
I'm truly a girl at heart, even though I have a penis. But even though, I'm still a conservative. I despise most liberal ideals even though many support trannies like me. I never even know if it's the right think to start being a girl at school. But I can't handle my dick, I can't handle being a male, because I'm not, but I know it's unchangeable, impossible. I can never find a transgender community for conservatives. All support groups will say they would accept conservatives, but deep down, they are tinted as liberals. I cant find the ability to get support without political biases. The way people act in the community can be hurtful to conservative trannies. And recently, all I wanted to do is buy a gun. And take it to school and shoot myself in broad daylight, for everyone to see. I can't find a reason to stick around, all I see is biased people and assholes who think I'm "edgy". All I want to do is to be shot dead and bleed.
Edit: I'm also confused with religion. I was raised an atheist and still agree it's insane to believe a suspific god is controlling people. but the lack of religion seems draining at times.
Also, I never want politics to be a part of being transgender, but it seems it important to do so.
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self.SuicideWatch
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There's a reason I never smile I'll try and keep this brief. I'm pretty insecure about every aspect of myself, even though I know I'm a normal a looking guy that's liked by many people. But lately I've noticed that my teeth really are fucked up. Ever since childhood they've been really crooked and crowded and really just all over the place. After years of neglect and a year or so of bulemia/anorexia and my teeth are a glassy stained yellow. Recently i've been working out regularly and taking better care of my teeth than ever before. Still, I can't help but feel ashamed of my nasty mouth.
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self.offmychest
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Simply want to share I'm a 20 year old male. I can remember only 7-8 days that i've actually felt happy in the last 7 years. I didn't have any friends until i've graduated from high school. I'm currently at my third year in university and it's going absolutely horrible. I've been trying to find a motivation to do the things i want to do but over the years i've come to realize that my motivation only comes when there is someone i am romantically interested in. I have no luck in that field. I thought i did but the last two women i have been interested in, somehow managed to shatter my will to live. I don't mind not having a girlfriend. It's the hope that i have issues with. I lived my entire life without positive feelings and then came a woman. Put a smile on my face and gave me hope. I've tried to hold on to that feeling 3 times. I have failed horribly 3 times. A woman that i could love came to my life and after a short period of time each one of them suddenly left. Not being able to talk to someone that i've talked with every day for a couple of months is incredibly hard. The void it drags me is killing me. That emptiness. Never feeling like i belong anywhere. I know that it will pass in a couple of months and i'll be back to feeling nothing and living day by day. But i don't think i can take one more of this. I don't think i can handle it when hope comes again and leaves without a trace, leaving me hanging for my dear life. Crying myself to sleep every fucking night. Every night, i go to sleep thinking "maybe tomorrow will be better." I have been doing this for 7 fucking years. This fucking sadness gets harder and harder to carry every day. Every day i wake up feeling empty and hazy from the night before, and as the day goes by, sadness takes it's place inside me. Lingers around until it's late at night and then shows itself. Every night, right before i go to bed, i think to myself. "How much more till i kill myself?"
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self.depression
|
Freaking out about new relationship with no Discernible cause So, I recently started dating this great guy, and he makes me insanely happy. Everything is fine, I know everything is fine, but I can't help but feel not everything is fine. I think the reason I am like this right now is a combination of 2 things.
1. I didn't take my meds last night like I should have. Not only did I have company overnight but we were drinking a decent amount of beer, and I still don't know the protocol for when I decide to have a drink or two. Should I wait an hour or so, or take the meds in the morning to compensate? I need to call my psychiatrist about that...
2. We have been trying to see each-other, but it hasn't quite worked out recently. There is about 1 hour of distance between us and he works at a real job while I go to college and work at a shitty pizza place, so we need to be free at the same time for anything to work out. We still get one day a week usually, which tends to work for us, but he has been crazy sick. I know for a fact, 100% without a doubt he isn't making this up to avoid being with me because last time we were together he was slightly less sick than he is now. Plus, that wouldn't be his style.
I'm also worried that I'm not worth it, that he's legit too good for me. He has treated me so well and I can't help but be thankful that he's in my life, but I can't help but feel like he just deserves better than me. He validates me, but when it's 2AM and I have only me and my cat to talk to because him and everyone else I know is asleep I just can't stop thinking even when it's detrimental to my happiness.
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self.Anxiety
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Weight gain and abilify I have been mostly stable for about 5 months on abilify, but man it is causing me to gain weight and crave food to the point that a diet to lose weight just seems unattainable. I have been going to the gym but it just isn’t enough. So although I’ve been stable, this constant sizing up is really getting to me, and I don’t know how long I can stand it. I lost all kinds of weight 2 years ago and now I have gained it all back! Not to mention that my deductible started over and my dang pills were 700 bucks today. So basically I pay a large price to be fat and tired. But I know without it I can’t function. So I just cry about it and go on with life I guess? :( anyone else going through these frustrations?
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self.bipolar
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Guys, I really need to talk. About an hour ago there was a serious accident right outside my window. I can't shake it off. Now I'm thinking about how easy it is to die and many other stuff. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Ex-wife talking about killing herself. My ex-wife is in a really bad situation. She's had very bad depression for years and she's taking meds and seeing a therapist. She doesn't have great coping mechanisms and sees everything as black or white. She had a baby a few months ago and there may be postpartum depression as well.
The father of the baby is manipulative and a bit abusive, so any time she contacts him she breaks down and starts talking about suicide. She got into a car accident recently and started talking about suicide again. In the last week or two she's started saying things like, "I've made my decision. I'm not going to kill myself now, but once my affairs are in order I'm going to kill myself." or "I want to go down to where the father catches the train and jump in front of it to hurt him like he hurt me." She wanted to buy a Christmas tree and then when I went to help buy it told me that she'll probably kill herself before Christmas so maybe it isn't worth buying a tree. I get texts every day about not wanting to live.
I spoke to her therapist who recommended a more intensive day program. When I talk to my ex about it she said, "Well, I guess I'll go, but it doesn't matter, I'm just going to kill myself anyway." I brought up inpatient and she says she will never go back. Basically any time I mention anything better than suicide I'm told it's not possible, it's not worth it, she doesn't want to do it, etc.
What should I do? I'm answering any call or text and trying to figure out if it's at a crisis point to call 911. Otherwise I don't know what to do. Thanks everyone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’m scared out of my mind and there’s nothing I can do about it For some reasons the thought of death has been lingering in the back of my head for the past few days and It scares me. This used to be a huge fear of mine when I was younger but It sorta just went away, but it’s back... I know there’s nothing I can do about it because it’s just fact that I’m gonna die and I don’t know how other people deal with this thought.
I know this post sounds stupid and childish but I thought that maybe someone would be able to help with some ideas or something
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self.offmychest
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Any Lairs Out There?? Does anyone else feel like when God/Santa/whatever-higher-power-you-believe-in created you depression and lying talent was a package deal? I almost wish I was a terrible actress and lair so people could actually see how much pain is behind every single smile and kind act.
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self.depression
|
Am i going through depression? So im 14 and in my school final exams are coming in. Since my holiday break stopped, ive been getting little nervous everynight
like im gonna throw up, I thought its about exams but i dont know yet if its depression or school? I also wanna add out that i only have like 6 friends at school since i just moved this year to this school. The point im trying to make is that i dont know what this nervousness is that i get everynight.
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self.depression
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Dont know what to do Im already getting bullied at school am depressed but seeing a therapist which does not seem to help and recently a friend of mine (F/14) again tried to kill herself because of the bullying she goes through together with me it at least helps having someone to go through with (btw im M/14) and she only seems to get worse with her and I want to help her or just get her away from self harm and suicide ( she has already tried to convince me to kill ourselves together and I would want that but I cant get myself to the point of doing this and also dont want to let my family down)
Edit:
Wanted to note me and here are not in a relationship whatsoever just friends and I just got her to know recently
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self.depression
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What does it feel like to stop dissociating I just started a new medication and I've had severe dissociation since my childhood. It's really hard for me to tell what's normal and what's my condition now. Since the new medication it seems like everything is more vibrant but somehow more blurry. It's overwhelming and idk if it's coming out of an episode or just a different kind of dissociation. What does it feel like when you aren't dissociated? What are some signs you recognize? Thanks in advance. I really appreciate any input
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self.depression
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The empty dishwasher is literally next to the kitchen sink. The empty dirty dishwasher is literally not even a step away from the kitchen sink. Why does everyone have to pile up the dirty dishes in the sink instead of simply just putting them into the god damn dishwasher? Inefficient, ineffective and annoying. We are a blended family of six and this is my constant battle.
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self.offmychest
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If I'm stuck in college, should I take time off? I've been messing up in college. I don't even know what major to go for, so I've wasted 3 years in college.
Is it a bad thing to consider dropping my (poorly selected) courses and taking time off this semester? It feels shameful to say that I'll take time off due to depression and my indecisiveness.
I've taken half time before but still failed to improve myself or change anything. I feel as if I've come to hate college and will be stuck no matter what.
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self.depression
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I don't get the "there are people who love you" bullshit [deleted]
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self.depression
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Shit people say when you have bipolar I fairly recently started a psych/mental health focused youtube and I was thinking of making one of those "shit _____ say" videos, except have it about ridiculous things people say to those with bipolar. I'm doing some brainstorming, but wondering if you guys have any input! :)
Stuff like
"hey how are you?"
"oh I'm great"
"OMG are you manic?"
or just stupid questions, comments, etc. What things do you hear over and over again?
Thanks!
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self.bipolar
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Valium (Diazepam) can help with anxiety but can also make you really depressed Valium can help with anxiety, but can also leave you more depressed than you already might have been, in my experience. It took me way too long to realize this (been using Valium if needed over the past few years, never regularly and was never addicted). I guess I just never considered the possibility. It made me very depressed when I was already really sad about my anxiety or other things. So for me, it's not worth it. In fact the anxiety relief wasn't great for me anyways, but I was talking a pretty small dosage. Medication works a bit differently for different people so I don't want to disparage anyone from using it, just thought I'd give a warning.
Not sure if anyone else here has experienced this, but I read about a few different people who had the same issue.
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self.Anxiety
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Does anyone else‘s anxiety alleviated by smoking high cbd marijuana? Just curious, I recently started smoking high cbd low thc marijuana and it seems to just relax me and make my anxiety symptoms almost disappear.
Has anyone else had success?
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self.Anxiety
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A bad coupla days I've been battling depression for a few days in a row, after some periods with my head above water. Last two days I've been excessively distractable. I work for myself, which can be a godsend when symptoms erupt, but also means I have enough slack to let myself go if I can't maintain any self-discipline.
So today, I got some tedious work done in the morning. I remembered ordering my meds, but found I was about to run out. Just thinking about running out of psych meds makes a sense of panic start. A check on my bank website showed no payments to that company for quite a while. By the end of the year I have to download all this info from the bank and enter it into my bookkeeping system, so I did 3 months of that tedious task while I was there. End of the tax year will be here before I know it. Got the meds ordered, several months supply with one bottle on next-day-air delivery. Then I started to get distracted again, and suddenly it was noon already. This distractability is happening a lot, and the modern world doesn't help with all its damned notifications. Hours disappear without me noticing, and all I've done is scroll down on social media like some lab rat pushing a lever on cue.
Anyways after a bit of a productive morning I was hitting that depression wall again - projects I am working on seem hopeless, the marketing I need to do to keep my business afloat seems overwhelming. Should I just bail out and quit? I force myself to hit one task - a report I need to write, and then another task - then a contact I need to make - one foot in front of the other. I avoid the phone and use email as I feel terrible and the idea of actually talking to someone feels terrifying. Introversion is hell and it does not help my business at all. I start getting distracted again, worrying about one thing while trying to do another. I keep reminding myself One Task At A Time. Focusing on only one thing keeps that terrible voice from asking too many questions, the voice that keeps telling me this is all a fool's errand.
At noon I bailed out of the home office and meditated outside. Could not keep focused at all but any meditation is better than none. Maybe tomorrow I can meditate again - I used to have a regular meditation habit and that lifted me out of the dumps very effectively. These kinds of days are just a struggle to accomplish anything - each small win takes an effort of will to start.
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self.bipolar
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i feel like i won't live past march. it feels harder and harder every day to tell myself that i shouldn't enact any of the (many) suicide plans i've made. i used to go to therapy and ended up being unable to go for a few months (too busy w/graduating college, therapist moved locations, etc) and my life kind of...spiraled away from me?
to make a long story short, i've been through a lot of shitty job experiences (went through a few bad food service/retail jobs, got fired from my dream job after three weeks), went through a depressive episode that caused me to self-isolate from all my friends (none of which have reached out), and now i just feel like this is the end.
originally, i had planned to kill myself on NYE. i didn't want to make it to 2018 like this. my gf helped convince me not to, that i should get help (and i'm trying - i've spoken with a few therapists trying to find one right for me again) but...i don't know. it feels like, no matter how good i feel in the morning, a weight lowers itself on my ribcage that tells me that this will be every day of my life. that i won't achieve the dreams i've had for years, that my friends are happier without me around. i care about my gf a lot (she's been nothing but kind to me) but i feel like if i killed myself, even if she would be in pain at first, it would be better for her in the long run to be with someone in a better headspace.
i keep fussing over dates - do i kill myself this weekend? the next? i can't kill myself around my grandma's birthday, or my best friend (from high school)'s birthday, which are both coming soon (and within a week of each other). (in case you're wondering about the friend - we don't speak often enough anymore for me to come to her about this. we just wish each other happy holidays sometimes.)
at this rate, i don't know if i'll make it past march. i don't know if i want to. i've lost interest in all things that used to make me happy. i'm so, so tired, after working so hard (i graduated with a 4.0 on the dean's list) for what feels like....nothing.
it feels like i /am/ nothing.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Depressed because of how I am living, or am I living the way I am because I am depressed? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I did some Free-Hand Writing and thought that this portion was interesting “It was always an illusion of light. But the demon stayed lurking behind the corner until he knew that I was weak enough. Then he slowly came up behind me and whispered seductively in my ear, allowing me to turn my back on my concept of light and make love to my beautiful demon who knows me so well. It’s comfortable, but constricting. I hate to love it. I don’t want to leave because he will always be there, waiting to welcome me back.”
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self.depression
|
Argh, too scared to do it. I decided against suicide, I'm fucking terrified to be honest, damn death anxiety.
Plus I'm so early in my transition, and all my problems can easily be resolved, I just couldn't think this though clearly at the time.
Though I'm still suicidal as fuck, I don't have the energy or motivation to do anything drastic yet.
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self.SuicideWatch
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;( Woke up feeling rly suicidal. Don’t have any sense of who I am. I thought I was getting better.
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self.depression
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My soon to be suicide note. If your reading this then it means I'm dead. I've lived a hard life. Ever since I found out who I was, I've been in a constant state of depression. This is who I am, I'm an 18 year old boy named John doe, a name I hate it, because it reminds me of my father and what I'm afraid I'll become. I also have severe trust issues, which means I can't have any sort of relationship with anyone because I'm afraid there gonna leave me. I felt I derived this feeling from the abandonment of my mother and my father constantly going in and out of jail, even after him saying he'll change and he won't leave again. Ever since these events happened, I've lost the feeling of a family love, I honestly don't remember what love feels like or to be loved. How does one want to be a father and not be there for his son. He abandon me for 2 weeks while he hid from the cops, I was about 14 i think at the time. A father abandons his son for 2 weeks to hid, like what the fuck is with that. I could also constantly hear him and his gf fight and hear him beat the shit out her over and over again. While I hid in my room scared. One of my earliest memory of my father was him waking me up in the middle of the night, because for what I assume, he got into a fight with his mother and wanted to leave so he took his toddler son half way across town in the middle of the night to his GF. Now about my mother who abandon me when I was 5. There's not much to say actually, only she has 3 kids and only talks to the one and that's not me. It's not like she doesn't know who I am, it's just that she doesn't care. Fast forward to now, I live with my grandmother who says that she should've left me and my father on the streets instead of taking us in. I have no contact with my mother or father or siblings. I'm in school I have no friends anymore because of the recent break up with my gf. I just want to let everyone know honestly it's no one's fault why I did this, it's just I'm tired of living. I'm tired of waking up miserable and going to bed miserable. I'm tired of being me, I want something different for my life but I'm afraid it's not gonna happen ever. (This is just to the subbreddit I don't want a bunch of comments saying don't do it, it's not gonna work)
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self.SuicideWatch
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Any advice on surviving a manic episode in one piece? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Im tired of starting over every time im hit with depression i lose all motivation to get anything done, i miss out on my schoolwork and isolate myself from everyone. i binge a shit ton of drugs until it goes away. when im manic i ruin everything, and also binge drink and binge smoke. when im stable im forced to pick up the pieces of my ruined life and start over every single time.
i feel like i have to “get my life together” every couple of months and im sick of it. im just tired im sorry for the rant. i didnt know what to flair it either sorry
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self.bipolar
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I wish people(mainly Americans) were limited when it comes to traveling [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I have no reason not to anymore. I have been told time and time again that this is just something everyone goes through but that doesn't help. My girlfriend left me because she was not happy and wanted to find herself. But she was the only reason I had left to keep going. I have a way and a day I just don't want to hurt my mother she means so much to me. But I can't jeep going like this.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm fucking done. I'm just so fucking done.
With life. With living. With existing.
Life is fucking hell. I feel so fucking worthless. I've only ever had one job in my life, and ever since I lost that job, I can't find any other work. Not even McDonalds will hire me, and they hire anyone with a fucking pulse.
I always see these people who tell me just "Keep trying, you'll find something eventually." "Just pick yourself up by the bootstraps like I did." "Quit complaining, just go out and walk into places."
But I try all of that, and I either can't, or fail. I can't lift myself by the bootstraps if I can't even afford bootstraps. I can't go into places, because all of them either tell me they're not hiring, or to apply online, i.e. to the Resume Ignorer 9000.
I'm barely not homeless. My parents kicked me out a month after I turned 18. The only reason I'm not is because my best friend and his family took me in. And I know that eventually, they'll get sick of me just leeching off of them and kick me to the curb.
I barely have the energy to function on a day-to-day basis. I barely get out of bed anymore, except when I'm forced to. I barely eat. All I've had to eat so far today is, like, a quarter of a Togo's sandwich. I feel guilty eating any more than that while not contributing. And usually, aside from whatever my best friend's mom makes for dinner, that's the average amount of what I eat on a daily basis. Maybe I'll have a bowl of cereal for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch, on days when I don't hate myself as much.
I'm done existing. I'm done groveling and begging and leeching off of people. I just wanted to have a normal fucking life. Now I just want to stop existing.
Fuck living. Fuck trying. I fucking give up.
I'm fucking done.
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self.offmychest
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I’d rather be skinny and crazy than medicated and fat [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Watching Infinetly Polar Bear for the first time The feels. Sigh.
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self.bipolar
|
Every night, I consider driving myself to the emergency room, and then every night I remind myself all that will do is give me another bill I can't afford to pay There are really no good options when you don't have any money. Sure, I could call a suicide hotline, but all they would do is send the police to my house, who would arrest me and take me to the hospital. So super, then I'd have the traumatizing experience of being put in handcuffs for being depressed and a hospital bill I can't afford that would eventually be sent to collections and wreck my credit. I'd still be physically alive but still no closer to fixing my mental health and all of the awful life circumstances causing my depression in the first place.
I don't know what to do. I have no one and nothing. I had some things to look forward to about a year ago, but those fell apart, and now I have truly nothing. I know I'm not being specific, but I don't have the energy to type out a really long story, and it won't matter anyway. Truthfully the only argument I have against dying is that it would kill my dog if I was suddenly gone. Earlier today, she ran away, and while I was outside looking for her, the thought that kept running through my head is, "What if she's dead. What if a car hit her or she went swimming in the creek and an alligator ate her? Then I'd truly have no reason left to be alive." This is what my life has come to. Nonstop thoughts like this.
I want to go to a therapist so bad, but I can't afford it. Don't tell me that there are therapists who will reduce their fees or that there are free clinics. A) It doesn't matter how much the therapist reduces their fee if I have ZERO MONEY, and B) Free clinics do not exist in my area. At all. I've researched extensively, and they just aren't a thing. I say this because every time I've posted about my situation online in the past, I've gotten flooded with people telling me to go find a free clinic or to start calling up therapists and asking if they'll reduce their fees. It's exhausting to try to explain over and over again that those solutions don't work.
Okay, that's all. I had to say something somewhere, and Reddit is free at least.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What do I do when my sister expresses she wants to be dead? Massive blow out during various occasions today and in the past about life in general. Today she expressed how we don't know how to listen (because we were providing general thoughts and advice) and then lost it because nothing we could do was helpful (to her.) So she then said how she cares about absolutely nothing in life and wants to do nothing and would happy to be dead. She has a dog and expressed trying to find someone to have her take the dog so she could die. What can I possibly do?
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self.depression
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Any books that help you with your depression? My depression's been bad recently, to the extent that I feel suicidal about half the time (including right now). I know I need to do something about it and I'll try to get therapy but was also wondering if any of you have suggestions for books that help you?
(The only one I've read so far that helped somewhat is Reasons to Stay Alive)
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self.depression
|
Preparing to kill myself in Jan 2018 Transferring some cash into bitcoin for use on the darknet. I hate pain so the plan is a bunch of “oxy” (probably fent press but it’ll do the job). I have some friends and family that care but they’re not in the same city and it doesn’t change the fact that I’ll always be alone and single. A shadow of my former self. I have a good career but it means nothing in the end. I can barely bring myself to the office anymore; just waiting to get fired to remove that stress.
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self.SuicideWatch
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It’s not about the overdose, it’s about what leads to ODing [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I'm starting to feel like I deserve this. I've been a victim of abuse all my life. Be it verbal, physical, sexual I've experienced it all. Its made me drop out of high school and finish in a continuation school. I'm also giving it my 3rd attempt at university now.
I moved states to get away from my toxic family to be with someone I thought cared for me. I have no friends or family in this new state (and have a hard time making them, I'm anti-social/introvert, the average median age at my work is 55-65 and I'm in my 20s, and my school is online), I am 3000 miles away from 'home', and the relationship I foolishly came here for has now turned sour and physically abusive.
I live in hawaii now and could never afford to live on my own or even with a roommate(s) so I just endure this pain and cover up bruises with make up while I try to make something of my life so I can survive on my own. But it's getting hard.
I think very logically and know I'm dumb for keeping myself in this toxic environment, but when you have no where else to go or no one else to turn to you just kind of deal and keep your mouth shut while hoping for the best. Talking doesnt help.
This weekend has taken a toll on me. Maybe it's a combination of the shitty relationship and the lonely holidays, but I'm starting to think about my life and coming to a conclusion maybe somewhere down the line or in a past life I did something to deserve this. And this is my punishment.
Every time someone hurts me I find myself doing something nice for someone else. Not because I expect kindness in return but maybe because I don't know how to be kind to myself.
I don't know what to do anymore. All I do is cry. I'm not even sure why I'm writing this. I don't want help. I just need to vent.
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self.depression
|
Its all my fault, and I cant have mental problems. Parents... the ones who brought me up and I dont trust (new to Reddit so apologises if using this wrong).
Abuse... didnt know what I went through since the beginning was abuse. I thought it was normal. Just something people dont talk about. It took me 15years to figure that it wasnt a normal family thing... it was physical and emotional abuse. I dont know what to do with this new information now. I cant talk to friends after 3 years ago an event happened leaving me unable to trust whose around me. I sometimes have moments of 'im being stupid, weak and overthinking' that stop thoughts of asking for help. It took nearly 8 people online to get it into my thick head it was abuse and one line from my mother to rethink it.
Ive gotten through 15years of this shit without telling anyone. I can do another 15.
Sure I was scared for my life the other night thinking my brother would kill me and my parents after trying to knock out my father. Thats nothing according to my mother who says kids in africa have in worse. Like yeah sure, i had to drag my brother of my father who abuses me and stand between my mother so my brother couldnt get to her and stay up half the night after in fear.
I dont know if she doesnt understand how this hurts or if im just being weak. I dont know...
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self.offmychest
|
Sertraline (zoloft) tierdness (Question) So I have been on Sertraline for 7 days now and tiredness has been the most obvious symptom I have experienced.
I wanted to know what peoples experience with this drug and this specific sypmtom as I am really hopeful it will pass soon. i know the first 1/2 weeks are a bit intense and just hoping in time the sleepy side effect wears off.
Thx
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self.Anxiety
|
Thank you kitty My kitty is the only reason I'm here today. Nobody would take care of him if something happened to him.
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self.depression
|
I feel like I'm the only one who gets anxious when other people are losing weight. I've been moderately heavyset all my life (about 50 lbs overweight right now), so I've never really had times where I felt the joy of being at a weight I want to be at. When people that I personally know or have heard of (like celebrities) lose weight and share their accomplishments, I feel really happy for them, but inside my anxiety starts eating away at me. It feels like a race where everyone is ahead and I'm stuck behind in my same body. It sounds stupid but it feels like I'll be the only one left that has this same body all my life. Can anyone else relate?
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self.Anxiety
|
i fucking hate technology for the past few weeks, my iphone has been fucking up. i got to the bottom of it, figured out it was the battery, and bought a new one. had a friend of mine fix it, because she's great with that sort of stuff. it was fine for about a week, but now it's doing the exact same thing: it goes through a continuous apple loop where the screen is dark for a few seconds, shows the apple logo for a split second, and then black bars appear across the screen and it repeats. charging doesn't help, itunes doesn't help, nothing fucking helps. it seems so dumb to let this get to me but it just makes me feel so hopeless, like nothing's ever going to get better. I know, I know. white people problems. i just wish i could throw the damn thing away but i still owe about 400 dollars on it. i've only had it for 14 months or so, and for the price point, it should not be doing this. i've tried contacting apple, but i recently switched credit cards and as soon as i took the insurance off that card, that's when it began to go south. i'm beginning to think that apple wants me to go crazy. never buying a fucking apple product again.
on a separate note, my mom bought me an xbox 1 for christmas! i was so excited to play it! i got overwatch, mk, and gta v! oh, but guess what? after 5 hours of waiting, the download for overwatch was at fucking 4 percent. FOUR PERCENT!!!! ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS TEACH MY MOM HOW TO PLAY MORTAL KOMBAT AND KICK MY FRIEND ANTHONY'S ASS AT OVERWATCH, BUT NO!!!!!!!! ALL I WANTED WAS TO HAVE A DECENT. FUCKING. PHONE. GODDAMMIT NOTHING GOES RIGHT AND IM SO FUCKING SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!! JESUS FUcK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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self.offmychest
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Who else would die without this sub? I feel like I can actually talk about how I'm truly feeling on this sub w/o getting judged. It's nice to have people to relate to, thanks everyone!
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self.depression
|
Can't take just randomly feeling bad All I seem to do is make others feel bad even my girlfriend I can be happy and all lovey one minute then the next I want to die
Now I can I through with it once she's asleep no one else cares or would try to stop me I have absolutely nothing left at all
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self.SuicideWatch
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please help me i’m 15 years old. freshman in highschool. because of parents pressure i took all honors classes. i can’t take the constant anxiety anymore. starting highschool was stressful enough, but i can’t deal with the sudden intensity of the classes. i’ve been failing all my classes, my friends don’t want to talk to me anymore, and i have nobody. i’m so fucking alone. everyday i go home and my parents scream at me for failing my classes.
i’ve been depressed for a couple years now, i had started medication in january of this year. doesn’t work and i’ve tried to talk to my parents about getting it adjusted, but they don’t listen.
i really want to just kill myself and get this life over with. i’m so fucking tired of being constantly under stress, and constantly depressed. i just don’t want to hurt my family. but the pain is just too much to handle.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Having difficulty accepting that I can't have a girlfriend I'm an ugly as shit incel who's been dying for a girlfriend for as long as I can remember. I know before I can get a girlfriend I can't be depressed and looking for my existence to be validated by said hypothetical girlfriend. But I am so stuck on one thought.
"Why do I have to settle for no romantic love when my friends don't, the majority of people don't, even people who are abusive don't" I can't get that out of my head. I know I'm not owed anything, I know life isn't fair But that feels really shitty to me.
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self.depression
|
I Met My Boyfriend's Grandparents For The First Time And I Blew It [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Birds can be emotional support pets, too If you haven't owned a parrot, you may not know how smart and loving they can be. My Pacific Parrot, who passed away this past February was with me through the worst years of my illness. He died at almost 15 years old. I will always love and cherish him.
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self.bipolar
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Do you feel like you end up dissapointing everyone you meet? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
My “pen pal” went off the grid after our last conversation in which he expressed his distress due to extremely strenuous life circumstances. Has a history of substance abuse & suicide attempts. Haven’t heard from him in 24 hrs which is very unusual given the frequency of our day-to-day interactions I met my “pen pal” at a recovery meeting last summer. It was his last day in rehab and he was leaving the following morning to head back home (lives on the other side of the country). Nonetheless, we exchanged numbers, but then I kind of forgot about him until I got Snapchat and added him as a friend thinking he was a friend of mine from college (I had previously switched phones from Android to iPhone and for some reason some of my contacts got group together). Long story short after we cleared up our identities we began talking pretty much every day. Some days we would talk on and off all day long. I know what you’re thinking and I’m not gonna lie...it is kind of strange to say this out loud but he’s become almost like text messaging bff. We have yet to speak on the phone or FaceTime but we’ve shared quite a bit about one another through our chat correspondence. Much of that about personal struggles and recovery. Recently, things have really gone south for him. Despite opening up to me about a lot of personal things in his life, I still don’t know the extent of his distress because he’s very secretive about it (which is completely understandable, especially given the fact that we’re essentially just chat homies and I’m a nobody to him in real life). However, yesterday our conversation was pretty heavy. He was really bugging and dropping settle hints about taking his own life. I stayed up a bit trying to get him on the phone or call the suicide hotline and suggested to hit up an AA meeting to have him talk to someone face to face. I should probably also mention that he’s been abusing his medication pretty heavily, and it keeps him up for days. It has since been over 24 hrs and he has yet to open any of my snapchats which is very unlike him because he usually replies within an hour. So I am definitely concerned for his safety right now. However, the problem is is that I don’t know him in at all (in real life that is; like I said we only met once) and all his social media, other than Snapchat has been disabled for reasons that I won’t go into detail about. I really want to check up on him to make sure he’s ok but I’m not sure if I’m being intrusive because as I’ve mentioned above, I’m really a nobody to him in his life but then I also can’t even reach out to any of his friends or family on social media to check up on him because he had disabled all of his accounts.
Reddit, please advise me on what I can do in this situation because I have a strong feeling (and I’m basing this on our previous conversations) that he wouldn’t share any of his dark thoughts with any one of his peers or family given his current struggles, family and friends relationships. Please let me know what I could possibly due without overstepping my Snapchat buddy friendship boundaries. I can’t just sit here without at least trying to, especially knowing what I know.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Can I take antidepressants without lithium? I stopped taking my lithium because I was still depressed as hell and it was just taking away from the small amounts of time where I actually have the energy to function and do things. I just want to stop hating myself and being so depressed but I feel like I'm just fucked. Does anyone know what antidepressants would work? I don't have a therapist or a doctor so I'm really desperate for anything.
|
self.bipolar
|
Seeking for a job while depressed is the worst I already spend too much energy to just to be able to wake up and do basic things and it makes it very difficult to me to sit and seek job offers. To make it worse, the times I have been able to apply on some places I never got any news from them so every time I'm going to apply I think about what's even the point of trying when nobody is interested in me and I end up crying.
I have nothing to offer to this world and I hate to be useless.....
|
self.depression
|
To people with depression and depression induced anxiety, does it every get better? if so, what can I do short of medication? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Any book recommendations for perfectionism anxiety? Constantly worrying about what if scenarios at work and the future in general. Trying to control things as much as I can through having a perfectionist attitude. Saw a therapist about a year ago and that helped a bit. Just seeing if anyone can recommend any good books ot resources that might help me calm my mind down and stop automatically always playing out the worst case scenarios for everything I don't know the actual outcome for. Thanks guys!
|
self.Anxiety
|
DEAR /R/BIPOLAR, MY BP1* ANGST HAS A BODY COUNT - Part II FUCK ME, right? All this time I thought I was BPII, which, you know, isn't a big deal cause like I am gonna be stigmatized for my genetics I may as well be the baddest motherfucker in the room with BP lol like they say in fantasy football, if you aint in 1st you in last...unless youre a YMCA basketball coach, then everyone is first.
No but really tho, Dr. _______ laughed in her office when I labeled myself BPII:
Dr ______ : Wait, what? BPII? Oh no, honey, you are BPI.
*cue "shocked" look on my face"*
Me: Wait, what? please don't tell me that BP1 is less than intense than BPII, I was just barely starting to gain confidence in mahself.
Dr. _______ : BPI is more hypo than BPII, so, if you're worried about which one affects you worse, then yes, you have the BP that needs a more...*particular* type of treatment.
Me: Whew, I was about to say, shit, I dont like going backwards (LOL)
**skips awkward Tesla vs Honda convo with Dr. _______ while my fucking psycho ex fiancé is rudely eavesdropping on (like seriously, wtf ______, you know I am protected by the law from this right? You could've fucking hung up the phone!!! Oh well at least I have my, ironically, sexually-repressed psychoanalyst lesbian friend to chill with)
*to be continued... (my dog just took a Masstive shit on the carpet)*
|
self.bipolar
|
Is it ever okay to lie?
Another example, if someone lied to his friend, to gain money, and then used that money to buy him something for Christmas, is that like just wrong?
|
self.depression
|
Can anyone relate to this silly cycle? Hello,
I don't know if other people experience this silly cycle, but I keep finding myself in my room kind of craving some kind of enjoyable social interaction but when it's offered to me I turn it down as I know I'll just be an awkward mess when I get there. So I stay in my room beating myself up at a great opportunity to feel like a normal human by going out and celebrating with old friends.
Some days I can do the whole talking to people thing, it's like I don't even have to try. The words just come out and I'd like to think that I can be kind of interesting sometimes, but about 90% of the time recently I just have nothing to say to people. I want people to laugh at my jokes and I want to create deep and meaningful relationships, but as my brain just won't let me communicate with people outside of just exchanging infomation and I become a robot with nothing to say.
I just came back from my family house where I can truely feel like myself without being judged and everything is in good fun. I'm open with my brothers and my parents and socially it's a great environment But now that I'm back in my student house I remember how I felt before. I can't be as open, I can't express myself and I've built a relationship with people in this house pretending to be somone I'm not just because I want to have friends so I don't feel like a total loser. I have some good times with these people, but quite often I don't enjoy the current topic or dislike the humor as they've run it into the ground with how often they make the same references or just by talking about stuff I can't relate to in the slightest. It makes me feel that I should be liking this things and I'll be an outsider if I don't.
It's not like I can just go out and make new friends now anyway due to the problem noted second paragraph. The rest of my life is going well, I have a nice job, family is great and I'm starting to lose weight. But without great experiences with friends I feel like I'm still majorly missing out on what other people take for granted.
I've just been offered an opportunity to go and hang out with some friends a few miles away for New Years, but with my anxiety and my socal weirdness just wants me to stay at home. I hate myself for doing it, and it's not the first time I've turned these people down because I just basically don't feel like it, but I know that If I try to go I'll just be awkward and make the experience a bit weird for everyone else there.
tl;dr: I want to be a reasonably interesting person to do it, but my brain just won't let me most of the time and as a result I'm a bit of a social hermit. I want deep friendships and good times, but If I have no personality most of the time, how is that ever going to happen?
I've felt like this for around 4 or 5 years now, and it's getting to the point where I'm not able to enjoy the joy of a good relationship with another human. I've not made seriously good friend since college (uk) and I feel that If I could get this sorted I could feel happy again.
Sorry if this post is a bit everywhere. I have Dyspraxia and what might make sense in my head might not make sense in yours. I hope I've explained myself well enough.
Happy New Year.
|
self.depression
|
Gas Station When I walked out of the gas station some teenage looking dude with his buddies happened to get to the door the same time as me on the other side. They open the door and we both go through the door and as I leave I hear him tell me "your welcome, kid". I mean I know I'm in my 20s and still look like a kid, but sorry for not saying thank you I guess. I thought he open the door for himself? I just happen to be right there when he does. Its not like he hold the door open
I think I am socially retarded, and nobody likes me
|
self.depression
|
I'm 21 and I'm almost crying because I saw a car. This is dumb as shit but whatever. Throwaway. I'm at a mall parked by an e92 in the exact exterior and interior color I've always wanted WITH A MANUAL TRANSMISSION. I have always wanted a BMW wagon with a manual and I didn't even know they made an e92 with mt/t. My favorite is the e39 touring but the e92 is close. Anyways I looked at this car for like ten minutes and now I've been sitting in the mall thinking about it for half an hour. Last time I flipped this hard about a car was when I saw an F40. I want this car so bad and I didn't even know it existed and I feel like something huge has changed in me now.
|
self.offmychest
|
If I will die, I hope it had been yesterday Because everyday doesn’t get any better - it only prolongs pain, not life
|
self.depression
|
DAE: develop OCD tendencies in states of high anxiety/panic attacks Lately, in the midst of severe anxiety, especially during and after panic attacks, I become obsessed with the cleanliness of my hands. As a result, I'll compulsively sanitize and/or wash my hands, only to feel as though they aren't clean enough. This degree of germ fear is not constant, but is periodically emerging. I will also count my steps, symptom check, etc. Does anyone else develop obsessive compulsive behaviors as a result of severe anxiety?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I am failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure I'm a failure
Edit: I'm not a failure anymore....
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Quit all my meds. I can’t live like this. Honestly, can’t tell if I’m going nuts where it counts. First, this is more a journal and note taking for myself, when I read it tomorrow, and maybe months from now. I can’t sleep right. I have no drive. No desire for anything. Just gray anhedonia ... all day. This is why I’m trying to change. For her. For me. Quality of life > quantity of life. Don’t forget it, buddy.
Anyways, back to everyone for advice. So, hopefully everyone understands what I’m going to be referring to. Nighttime is the only time I feel like talking, but also the time I’m feeling the weirdest, and most paranoid.
I was having a fun time hanging out with the SO, but she eventually fell asleep. And now my mind is finding something else to think about. Unfortunately, it decided to be paranoid by insisting a stranger is standing outside our bedroom doorway. But, I hear our smelly dog snoring away (she sleeps on a piles of blankets right outside our bedroom.
So, I will keep ignoring it ... but I know it’s a losing battle. Like trying to ignore an itch. It will just bug me more and more.
But, what’s the other option? Take pills that are sending my brain down the shitter? The research shows that, long-term, people who take antipsychotics every day are worse off than those that take it during bad episodes.
But, I know that I’m being drawn to that research, which shows the bad side of meds, and which the medical community of doctors and researchers don’t like to talk about ... specifically because it gets people like me to stop taking them. Maybe the suppressed research is what drew me to reading it ... maybe not.
Anyways, I admit ... I know I’m losing it in a few places ... or maybe a standstill is a better description. I’m becoming slightly more paranoid, but only because of the “pre-existing” visual and auditory hallucinations ... like someone rustling the shower head. If your brain chooses to be an asshole, and make you hear and see shit ... isn’t it only natural that your normal self is going to be more paranoid of seeing some dark shadow while walking up the stairs? Or feeling like a stranger is standing just outside your bedroom doorway, even though you know it’s not there ... and you’re trying to ignore it?
See, I always had a strong imagination, as a kid. In fact, my slightly older sister and I used to see white outlines of adult people walking around in a house we grew up in, as children.
But those visual hallucinations happened as children, and only as children. We joke as adults, and she is not diagnosed with anything ... at least from what I know. And I know my onset didn’t begin until I was 26yo ... when the depression started getting a lot weirder ... and the “super ADHD” periods started getting a bit more intense.
See, I didn’t know I was bipolar, so I mistook hypomania for just periods of “super ADHD.” I didn’t know that wasn’t a thing.
But, to be fair, all the doctors missed bipolar. Not enough of a history of continued bipolar symptoms for the doctors to see, I guess.
I should edit this for random strangers, but it’s 2am, so I should be safe. Plus, I have to go turn on a hall light, so my brain will stop being stupid. What’s normal paranoia that is just reacting to abnormal paranoia? Anyways, this will be a decent record to keep for myself ... and hopefully anyone who is in the same boat. I will keep updates, of course, so eventually we’ll find out if I turn out okay ... or not.
Good night.
|
self.bipolar
|
Been told i'm dying, want to make the most of my time but can't bear building bonds. Venting
I'm lost, don't know what to do. I was given 3 years to live back in March and been an absolute mess ever since. I spent some time travelling the world, wanting to see everything I can, but even after that, I still feel a large sense of emptiness.
The thing that bothers me the most is I force myself away from everyone. The friends I have although a small group, all live large distances away from me so I never really could say we were close or had time to hang out. One one side, I want to make my last few moments memorable with them, but on the other hand I don't want to run around building up bonds with them only for it to be inevitably torn down, leaving them feeling even worse than if I did nothing. I honestly feel like I can't look any of them in the eye anymore, knowing what will happen further down the line.
|
self.depression
|
Antibiotics after minor surgery causing depression? Anyone been in this situation? I had surgery on my ass two days ago. I went under. Idk if that also can affect mood. It's been two days and I've been taking two kinds of antibiotics 2 times per day. Really hasn't been that long but I feel so fucking SAD and just empty. This feeling isn't strange to me, im bipolar and thus have had more episodes of depression than I can count. But i want an explanation. The sadness came really suddenly and I'm just wondering if its the antibiotics or just being wonky from being out for the surgery. Anyone else experienced something like this ?
|
self.bipolar
|
Anybody have a "small" animal for companionship and mind posting some pics of your cute critter(s)? Not knocking the cat and dog owners of r/bipolar, but I know some people on here have to own different kinds of pets.
[Here is an old pic of my critter when I first got custody of him.](https://i.imgur.com/Bo0EmUu.jpg) I thought I had taken a more recent pic where I he wasn't so damp...
My sister's lease had ran up and she had a week or two until she could move in to her new apartment. Her and my nephew stayed with us until then. On the day she moved out she had a few boxes with the gerbil cage to move. She never came back for them 🤣.
So his name is Cookie Dough, but I just call him Cookie. Sometimes he lets me pick him up in my palm and pet him. Other times the little son of a bitch is bitey and just burrows under his paper bedding. I wish my sister had gotten a pair of gerbils so he could play with someone. Not gonna say I love him or anything but I have developed some kind of affection. I've had him for about 7 months now. 😄
|
self.bipolar
|
Just broke up with my fiancee because of my depression. I'm just gonna end it... [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I'm in the hospital for trying to jump off a parking garage What up? I'm bored.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
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