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i fucked up so my friend is going to commit on monday and theres nothing i can do to stop her, and she posted on ig along these lines ‘its so hard to write goodbye letters’ and so i messaged her saying are u writing me one? generally being curious not thinking straight and i have been constantly dissociating and not being able to think straight so i just sent it and she replied saying ‘the fuck? im gonna die and ur asking for a letter? goodbye.’ and i spammed apologies because i really didntthink it would come across that way... im suxh a fuckifn retard and i never thought about that message and i jsut its a real good way for her to go thinking that i dont care! ill probably get downvoted but i just needed to vent because now i feel like shit just hahah what have i done....
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self.SuicideWatch
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Disability on a job application? I am currently filling out as many job applications in my field as I can, as my dream job is cutting me due to funding at the end of the year. When filling out these applications it gives me an option to check if I have/have had a disability, and bipolar is listed as an example. Do I need proof? Is there any potential problems with checking this box? Are they allowed to ask me or my current supervisor follow-up questions? What are the pros and cons?
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self.bipolar
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Life's a bitch
I'm totally worn out. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Not enough to do anything drastic at this point. Everything is so superficial and my attempts to make myself feel better are so fake. I want to be okay with myself. I want motivation, satisfaction, and purpose. It's hard to find. I wish you all the best and whatever you are going through I hope you find the strength to overcome it. It's possible, just difficult. Much love.
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self.SuicideWatch
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So it has begun... I'm in the longest lasting manic episode I've had since starting back on meds a couple of years ago (day 14). I've been living with my dad since late June to dedicate all my money to my upcoming divorce. He finally asked today in a sort or irritated semi-bewildered voice "How much longer is this going to last? Are you in the middle, the tail end, what?". All I could say is I didn't know as since I started treatment they have never last this long. I he just knows I'm manic and I'm isolating to avoid issues. Not expressing all the symptoms, and none of the decent ones, but enough for it to be a disruption. I spoke with my doc a couple of times trying to increase dosage on my mania medication but he won't nor will be prescribe anything to help since historically going over my current dose makes me sick and I go toxic.
I don't expect the people around me to understand, but it would be nice if they just tolerated it and didn't treat it like it is my fault. I lost my job last Monday and I'm to scared to even start looking for a new one in my current mental state. Jobs I look for would be on a national level and any interviews would be conducted by phone or fly in. Nothing like sounding manic to ruin a job interview. I'm really tired of this. Mania has never really been a problem for me as it didn't last that long on treatment. Now it's a problem and I'm hating it. Time will tell how long it goes I suppose. I'm on day 8 of self imposed isolation. Staying in my room, and only talking to very few close friends.
Not looking for sympathy, just venting. I know he's thinking "lazy asshole living off of me. He was supposed to be out months ago.". I'm going to end up homeless if this doesn't clear up soon.
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self.bipolar
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Am I suffering from anxiety? So this is something that's relatively new to me. Of course, I am unsure if I do have anxiety but perhaps I have a mental illness of some sort. I'm not saying I do have one, but I just want to figure out what exactly is wrong with me.
I've experienced the symptoms I will explain on 3 occasions & they're not pretty at all. The most recent was yesterday. Before hand, the most recent was last week & again in November whilst I was visiting Spain.
So about the symptoms, I suddenly become panicked, tremble & my heart rate/blood flow significantly speeds up (or so it feels.) My personality too becomes affected as I begin to panic. My mouth becomes dry & I do not sleep at all. I feel dreadful & it's as if the sickness won't go away. I should also add that I lose my appetite & feel like vomiting. The funny thing is, I never actually throw up, and instead I just get the sensation of vomiting but nothing comes out. Diahorrea too occurs with this illness. After about 2 days, the symptoms subside. I went to a doctor after the 2nd occurrence & it seemed likely I had caught a bug. But the same bug 3 times in such a short space of time? I find it hard to believe!
The 1st too times I experienced these symptoms I had consumed alcohol the day previous, so I put it down to that somehow. But yesterday I hadn't consumed alcohol the day previous & the symptoms still came about.
Anyway, I know I'm going to get these symptoms again & I just don't know when. It's scary stuff! It affects my home & work life. I stress again that these symptoms never occurred in me until November this year and so far they've hit me on 3 occasions. I'm 25 years old. And to repeat, I'm unsure if this is anxiety issues or not, I'm jut seeking an answer from several places. Hopefully I can find some help here. Cheers!
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self.Anxiety
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19M from Germany, Rhineland-Palatine. Feels like I'm the only one who fucked up over here. I only know one person so far who goes through the same shit as I do, but no one else. Other people must either be very good at hiding their true selves or generally aren't in a bad situation.
Where are you fellow people from? It feels strange to read all these things people go through without of knowing which country they come from. So many nice people in this sub, yet I dont know them at all.
Is there anyone around who just wants to talk about random things? I'm interested in music and games. And for pure bliss, memes are also great. They are a quite good distraction.
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self.depression
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Do you ever get lonely? Do you ever get so lonely that you really don't know what to do with yourself? I mean surrounded by people on a daily basis, but feel like you never really connect with anyone long enough to make it meaningful. The loneliness of having no real friends hit me today. Yes, I'm married, but my partner can't always be my friend. How does one with Bipolar go about making real friends?
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self.bipolar
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I get excited when my phone notifies every evening even though I know its just a battery warning [deleted]
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self.depression
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We are not victims. When we live with conviction, we tend to live up to our convictions and not down to our flaws. Without convictions, life will just ‘happen’ to us.
You can change your life – it’s a matter of choice.
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self.Anxiety
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How to deal with relationships falling apart due to depression/burnout? I'm currently so burnt out I need a plan to go to the bathroom. I was functional but over the years I showed more and more signs of burnout. I was aware of these, but I felt that I was forced to keep going. This year, things got really bad, and I'm completely dysfunctional. My energy levels are so low I can barely function.
Yet somehow, I can accept this to an extent. I think that, while it will take a long time, and while it's very frustrating, I can get out of it over time.
However, what I can't deal with, is that my life falls apart in the meantime. I've had to stop work, though that's still okay, I can manage for a while. Admittedly, not easily, but it's doable. What's harder is that my relationships are falling apart. My partner left me because of the frustration, my family members are keeping me at a distance (at best), my friends are frustrated. I've often heard I should just be fixed by now.
I understand that heavy burnout is frustrating. I know how frustrating it is to me, and it's frustrating to others too. But I can't deal with the fact that more and more people are just 'abandoning' me because I can't keep up with the pace they want me to. I feel like everyone I do know sees me as a burden (even though I try my best not to be) and it's just a matter of time before they give up on me.
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self.depression
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In 12/04/17 i tried to commit suicide. and right now, if anything changes at 12/25/17 i will do it..
and i dont know why, or how to change... but im not afraid...ii just wanted someone to come and take all this fellings all this shit of me , so i can live again, like a normal person
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self.SuicideWatch
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Considering this anti-alcohol drug So I’m pretty stable on Lamictal but I drink quite a bit. And when I do I can’t stop till I’m wasted. Been doing this for 20 years now and it’s taking a toll on me. Basically major fatigue, skinny but a fat alcoholic looking face, lack of drive and can’t clean my house because I feel like crap. Even my puppy goes to the door and I can’t get up so he takes a shit in the house. Also my mental state is not great after drinking. Anyway I read about Antabuse which basically makes you sick if you drink. It’s got 5 stars in reviews and changed peoples lives. But is it safe with bipolar and meds?
Probably not many people with experience using this drug but thought I would ask.
Thanks!
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self.bipolar
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I feel like I'm just drifting in the overall world, dead. This might seem weird, I'm not sure. For months on end I've been feeling like I'm not even real. I don't feel real - everything is just happening and I'm sitting back and watching it. It feels strange and lonely. I can't quite describe it either and it's kinda frustrating.
This stems from the fact that nothing in my life makes me happy or excited. I'm able to appreciate small things- someone I don't speak to usually saying good morning to me, seeing friends once in a while, that one youtuber I can't stop watching. Even so, I can't shake off the feeling that I'm plummeting only as a result of what seems like a dead existence. There's no substance, no excitement, nothing. It's stupid, but even my dreams feel more real and exciting than my actual life.
I hate routine. Waking up at the same time, eating the same thing for breakfast and lunch, learning pointless crap from x to y time every single day, seeing only certain people at certain times, coming home at the same time, feeling so dead and bored out of my mind that my evenings and free time are spent the same , watching the same series over and over on Netflix or just stumbling all over the internet, trying to entertain myself, going to sleep late and then regretting it. You know? I guess this is my way of saying "hey my life is boring send help" but in a way that feels dragged out, just like my every day life.
I'm not sad. I'm just confused and unmotivated, but mostly bored. This isn't a cry for attention, I just need to know if anyone else feels like this. I'm alive, but not at the same time because nothing is making me feel alive. Nothing is real andsgdjavdfasjhdabmnxjsk,
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self.offmychest
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I feel worthless. I just played a game centered around flirting and failed miserably. It doesn’t even make sense because it’s just a game, but that’s also the worst part. No one would date me, even as a joke. I’m shattered. And over a game.
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self.depression
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I need help Hey guys, Im kinda need help about how to deal with ANXIETY and PANIC ATTACK? It the worst thing i ever experience in my life
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self.Anxiety
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Anxiety is purposely getting wired headphones so nobody tries to talk to you.
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self.Anxiety
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My suicidal friend might be better off dead. I know it's awful to say this but they've struggled with so much shit in their life and none of it is getting better no matter what they try. They are in college and are barely getting through their classes and their work. They were recently fired from their job and had family problems. On top of that, they had a traumatic childhood experience that seemed to trigger their depression. I say that they might be better off dead because they have to wake up every single day in pain and wishing to die. Nobody deserves that. Nobody deserves to be trapped in those negative thoughts. The problem is, they've tried to get help from professionals multiple times, been on medication for nearly 6 years and aren't seeing much improvement. I'm the only person they talk to now and I'm worried they're going to end it. Everyday, they tell me that they're grateful that they have me and that I'm someone that's keeping them alive. I don't want to be that person because if they do kill themselves, I will feel responsible. That's a lot to put on a person; being the one keeping them alive. I just wish they didn't tell me that I'm the one keeping them alive because what if one day, I failed to do my job?
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self.offmychest
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It took years, and many attempts, but Medication COMPLETELY changed my life. please consider talking to your doctor if you haven't already. I was on Lexapro for a couple years and it never did much for me. I'm finally on the right combination and it has completely changed my outlook in the last month. I genuinely cried the other day just thinking about how much my anxiety has decreased. It made life bearable and made my depression possible to tackle.
Life style changes are also a big part of my change. I exercise regularly, have a decent social life, found a job and am attending college.
I didn't even know it was possible to feel this normal. It feels fucking great. Please consider medication. I had my doubts too, but if your brain is firing too much and causing anxiety, meds are made to calm your ass down. I love you all.
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self.Anxiety
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I keep having dark thoughts. I want to hurt myself. I wish I had someone to talk to. I'm a recovering self-harmer, I don't have a job, and I don't have anyone to talk to right now. I didn't take my medication last night and I think it's affecting how I'm feeling right now. Presently, I hate my life and keep thinking about hurting myself. I feel like such a worthless piece of shit.
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self.offmychest
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legal trouble i threw my life away because of drugs and this is the end of road for me. my family and friends hate me. i am in so much legal trouble. im only in my mid 20s but i am looking at life in prison. id rather die than spend the rest of my days behind bars
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self.SuicideWatch
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Can friends actually trigger depression, or is it just me? [deleted]
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self.depression
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If there were a cure... One of my favorite questions to ask fellow bipolars is: if there were a cure, would they take it?
What are we? Genetic accidents off the narrow road to neurotypicality? Or something else? I want nothing more than to ease the hell wrought by this disease, but I can't help but wonder what we would lose. Why do so many of us have visions of god, believe we are prophets, desire desperately to share our joy? What magic, good and evil, would be crushed from the world if we were to erase ourselves?
Nature doesn't have a purpose or a notion of progress, only that it continues to survive. Yet, bipolar is too lethal to be so common without some underlying reason.
However, sometimes the best approach is to simply ask the question enough times.
If there were a cure, would you take it? If you knew with 90% certainty your child would have it, would you still choose to have that child? If you had to guess a *purpose* for this disorder, what would you think it would be?
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self.bipolar
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I feel like she's won. (Incoming wall of text)
My sister has a bit of a history of running away. But one day she decided to move out properly. My parents warned her that she wasn't ready, but they let her go anyway.
That same year, she got involved with someone who abused her. She moved back with us.
Three years later.
I'm a babysitter now. My three-year-old nephew runs around, causing all sorts of trouble. All the stress is taking a toll on me. Meanwhile, my sister is trying to get her life back on track. And she has a new boyfriend, who's 16 years older than her, but I digress.
The issue here is, I feel left out. I'm not even the one who made the bad decision, but here she is reclaiming her life, while I'm left in the dust. I'm getting older. I'm leaving my adolescence. More and more, I want to do things, go places, be somebody. My interests range from photography to writing to music to parkour to cycling to digital art, even. And yet my opportunities are stifled by what I have to deal with here.
Babysitting takes up much of my time, and even more of my focus. My mom insists that I'm not stuck here, but I can't leave my parents to deal with this while I run about making a life for myself. Not when they have so much to do. And it seems like my sister doesn't even care. It's all the same to her. She doesn't show nearly as much gratitude to us as she should. We're the enemies. We're the bad guys, even though she's the idiot.
She's basically sitting on my chest. And I won't do anything, because I've always been an unassertive wimp and a people pleaser. Except… I've become a lot less so. But not in a good way. I don't think I love my siblings anymore. Long story, but I don't think I feel love for anyone. I used to be calm and collected, but whenever my nephew does something stupid, I flip out easily. So I can't brag about being super-calm anymore. I have so much anger built up, and I have no outlets.
I've even had homicidal thoughts, *and* urges. I'd never go through with it, though. Honestly, I think I'm just acting out with those thoughts. I don't push them away because I desperately want to make somebody pay. But I'm too skinny for jail, and there's no such thing as a perfect crime. So I'm limited to sarcasm and passive aggression as my primary methods of retaliation.
Some other kids have told me that I show some anti-social traits. Like using charm to manipulate people, for instance. I don't really see it. Not in a malicious sense, anyway. Is it manipulation if people "like" me because I'm witty? I don't do it for malicious reasons, just to make friends. (I don't have any real friends, ironically.)
I wish my sister would look up and notice that her little brother is falling behind. I wish she'd see all the dust I've collected from her feet. And that's just one of my problems with my siblings. If I were to mention my brother, that would require about 5 more posts. (Exaggerating, obviously.)
And I think I've been having mild anxiety attacks. Mixed with rage. I've had them for years, but I had one recently that made me feel like I'd lost control of my body. I feel like the years are catching up.
It doesn't seem as though there's a clear solution. Maybe all I wanted was to get this off my chest. I have some acquaintances, but I don't want to drive them away by incessantly typing away about my problems. I've already done that with one person, and we fell apart.
And that's something else. I don't think it's best to talk about that right now.
I don't know if any of this makes sense, but I've typed it anyway.
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self.depression
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Lithium Rash? I was recently prescribed lithium during a hospital stay and it seems to be giving me a spotty, red rash all up and down my arms and legs. It doesn't itch and the spots aren't raised, and my psychiatrist isn't concerned about it, but I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and if so, did it ever go away? Or am I just a human dalmatian now?
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self.bipolar
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Worries aren’t enough anymore
First off, I want to start by saying that I have experienced suicidal thoughts in the past, and I still have quite serious bouts of depression and self harm sometimes, but for the most part I no longer have suicidal thoughts. But this post isn’t just about me, it’s me seeking advice. Recently I found out that my girlfriend is suicidal and has already planned how she is going to kill herself. She suffers from severe anxiety and she seems to self harm quite a lot as I notice new cuts on her arms every time I see her... She often has panic attacks seemingly out of nowhere, sometimes I think they are because she struggles to deal with social situations though. We have a great group of friends that make her happy when she is with them but she believes that none of them truly care about her. She also has a very difficult relationship with her family which makes her feel like they don’t care either. As much as I try to help her I’m scared as hell that one day maybe it won’t be enough and that she’ll go without telling me, she doesn’t want me to blame myself but I feel like it might push me over the edge, Maybe it sounds selfish but I want what’s best for her and just need help on how to help her, she refuses to get professional help which I can understand as because of her anxiety she struggles to trust and open up to people, but I feel like at this point there isn’t much I can do other than encourage her to see a professional. Hearing her say “I don’t want to be here anymore” completely broke my heart and I feel like I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if she was gone.
I’ll probably delete this post when I wake up in the morning but for just now it’s here.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone here have a trigger that makes them just break down crying? [deleted]
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self.depression
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My brother died and it hurts so much My younger brother was found dead in his apartment nearly 2 weeks ago. He had epilepsy that wasn't well controlled and we think he died while having seizures overnight (The autopsy report hasn't come back yet). He was 29.
I'm sure this is obvious, but the grief feels like it's suffocating me. I'm currently the guardian of our little sister (17 yrs old) and I was just about recovered from a depressive episode with a new medication.
The police broke the news to my mother and me, and because of how distressed my mother was I broke the news to everyone else. I wrote the obit, I made the collages for the memorial service, I gave the eulogy, I cleaned out his apartment and tomorrow I will be bringing home his ashes. These past 2 weeks, I put on a brave face for my sister and our grandparents, I played nice with family that I'm bitter towards and I've been keeping my other younger brother and our Mom calm. Even on Christmas.
Rationally I know I should be proud of how I handled all of that, and a lot of that work helped me push through a lot of the grieving process but I'm still so sad and I cry when no one is looking and I miss my little brother so very much and the brief feels like it's literally sitting on my chest.
I just don't know how to get through this. Thank you for reading my thoughts, I know this was a long post.
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self.depression
|
Jealousy sucks. Especially between friends. Ive been after a girl for awhile and she just hugged my best friend at work. A pretty romantic hug. I just blew it off and went back to work. Well actually, I went out and had a panic attack in my truck and smashed my phone. Then i punched my door and fucked up my hand. Thats when i went inside and got back to work. It was hell watching them flirt all night, and not saying anything because i was choked up. I think im gonna stop chasing her. Im just gonna stay single, and sad. Its a hard feeling cause i hate my friend right now, but i couldnt live without him. I wish i could just be happy for him.
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self.depression
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she's divorcing me we've been together seven years and married for three. we have an 18 month old. she's divorcing me. i don't know how to accept this. life has been so so difficult since she left 9 months ago. it seemed (and still does) so repairable but they have only gotten worse and worse as the separation became divorce.
i don't know how to live like this. i only want my family and life back.
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self.offmychest
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I just want a way out of this suffering, is that too much to ask? I've been wanting to die for years now and people say "just wait for it, it'll get better you'll see" but it keeps getting worse and worse. I used to be able to mask my anxiety but now it's so bad I can't pretend anymore. And bad things keep happening to me out of my control and the good things don't come. I feel like I'm god's worst joke. I just want to die peacefully... I'm just tired of everything... but there's no easy way out, and no easy way to stay in. What a cruel fucking world. I don't know what to do anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't like when people ask "How are you?" Because instead of saying:
"I googled the prices of veterinary xanax this morning because I'm seeking any kind of relief from this inescapable malaise and self-worthlessness I've been battling for the last 14 years."
I have remind myself that they're not actually asking how I am, and that it's just a greeting and that I have to say "Ahh, y'know, just living." so they don't worry.
I wish someone would ask how I am and actually care about the answer.
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self.depression
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I acted like a crazy jerk on reddit after a breakup. [removed]
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self.offmychest
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mood stabilizers that have helped you?/ haven't caused weight gain? I'm bi polar ll, 26 years old and just tried lamictal as my first mood stabilizer. I tried it because it's usually weight neutral but for me it made me super tired and super hungry. I got up to 100mg and gave it a shot for a month but I have to stop taking it because those side effects just SUCK. I also take 60mg of Adderall so no drug should be making me that tired and that hungry always.
it did however lesson the effects of my mania and depression, and it definitely got rid of my anxiety.
I am thinking of trying topamax? maybe a beta blocker for my anxiety?
I'd greatly appreciate any words of wisdom or recommendations for mood stabilizers that have worked for you?
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self.bipolar
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I should have NEVER moved in with my father... [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Suicide is my only option. sorry this will be long but I need to talk to someone i really need help and someone to tell me what else i can do except suicide.
i'm exhausted. I've lived for almost 20 years and all i remember from it is struggle and pain, sorry for sounding melodramatic. My life is a fucking insane soap opera and I've decided i'm either truman show number 2 or some government experiment to see how long it takes for me to kill myself. Well, guess what, won't be long now. I'll start with the basics- fucked up family, alcoholic dad, stepdad who didnt take his bipolar meds and my mum who didn't get along with me at all- so all this added to a not very happy childhood. Never had any close friends, im just not interested in being social (outside a relationship, but we'll get to that)
I'm depressed and have terrible anxiety that's ruined two relationships, have tried to get help for this 3 times but gave up on the third attempt when the guy trying to diagnose me told me i was too pretty and young to be sad, wrote opposite answers to what i said on my file and told me there was nothing he could do to help me. Before this I'd just gone through a messy 5 month split with my ex-fiance and was so completely depressed i turned to weed just so i could get through the day without wanting to die or having a panic attack. Despite this, back then (around march this year) i still had hope for the future. What follows soon made me lose that hope.
I started to get a bit better, started work and made a best guy friend. hung out literally everyday and ended up in a relationship around september. In october he found out he was being sent with his work to another location 6hrs away in another country. We were very much obsessed and in love so we decided i'd go with him and live there on location. Once there it was great except a few arguments- he always wanted to go out and drink while i hate doing that and would rather stay home, and he'd leave until around 3/4 and come back on a cocktail of drugs or even worse, no drugs and just an alcoholic's anger. I'd also been trying to find work but was struggling immensely. I didn't have much money so needed to find a job that paid weekly but i couldn't, this stressed me out for ages. when i finally found a job, bf wanted to visit home for a week and so i lost it, got another job a few weeks later and the car broke so couldn't leave the house for a week, lost that one too. I have the worst luck.
Then, while this is happening, I get pregnant twice. So yeah, i was engaged and pregnant twice and I'm 19. Yay me. First pregnancy i miscarried, second is ongoing. Neither was planned. Yes I'm stupid, but when you literally care about nothing in life you become generally apathetic towards everything in life. I was becoming so depressed that nothing seemed interesting, theres no career id be happy in, i wasnt happy with the guy i really loved and talked about forever with even though i know i should be, theres no country or place i want to be. I just wanted to disappear from existence.
Now, things are worse. After an anxiety episode in a fast food place where I expressed nervousness to my boyfriend about some chavs (hooded delinquents for yall americans) acting weird and obviously talking about me. We left there as it turned out they only took cash but my boyfriend kicked off, yelled at me in the street for being anxious and says he doesn't want to be with me. He's ill atm, and usually gets depressed and says stuff like this which he doesnt mean. Yesterday he was saying how much he couldnt live without me and planning next christmas/visiting eachothers family/going on holiday etc etc so this is very sudden. I think he really means it. The problem is now i have no home, no family to go back to (lived with grandparents but cant anymore) and the only friend/family in my life is my boyfriend. I don't know what to do. I don't have anywhere to go, have £100 and i'm pregnant. I've pathetically begged for 2 more days to settle my stomach from my boyfriend so basically i've postponed the official break up until then. I'm not going through a break up again, the last one i suffered for months and months and it was horrible. I'm so exhausted and I just can't fight anymore. Without bf i have nothing in life that i want, no motivation or interests or goals or anything. I just want to be dead. If i could die right now without my boyfriend or someone being upset i would do it so FAST. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost and this probably sounds so crazy but I really need help. I strongly see myself committing suicide in the next week, unless I find another option. I don't think I will.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
*trigger warning* Health class was such bullshit EDIT: YIKES I didnt realize reddit lumps all text in asterisks together!!
*trigger warning, non consensual sex* *... this post starts off bad, has a happy ending though*
Can I just slam the education system for a hot minute? Yeah, in health class, we learn all about where the urethra is, and how straight people have sex, but I didn't learn one fucking thing about sex and consent. I learned that I could say, "Let's wait until we get married!" but not a simple fucking word, "Stop." No one else in that room learned that, and no one else was taught that if someone is crying, and saying it hurts, and you have to pin their arms down, it's not consensual, it's not sex. No one in that room learned that you can't give consent if you're asleep. But, hey, at least I know how cis straight people fuck.
I have a better grasp on the concept of consent now. But at the time, I was fifteen, and I didn't know any of this. I thought everything was fine, even if I felt like scrubbing myself to the bone in the shower for months after. It was just a guy and a girl, having sex, because I didn't explicitly say stop, so it was totally consensual, right? So I asked him to be my boyfriend a month after that happened. My logic at the time was, "Oh, a boy wants me, my life is worth something now!" Daddy issues + television and movies = me craving attention from any and all men at any and all costs.
Sex is so much more complex than STIs and anatomy, not once in that class did I hear the word consent. It's been five years since I took that class, so I hope health classes are better these days, and I'm sure a lot of them are, but there are probably so many more that are failing kids the way my health class failed me. I knew I could refuse to have sex before, but there was no talk whatsoever about if the other person did not accept your refusal, or that you can say stop at any point, and that its not consensual if they don't. Because even if I did say stop and didn't do that, I would have at least understood that what he did was not normal, or okay, or just horny teenage boys being horny teenage boys.
As to how that whole experience affects me now, there's a lot to get off my chest too. It's just so complex, because even though this happened years ago and I'm mostly over it except for nights like these when I reflect on my past, I can't help but feel a small amount of compassion for him. He did all those things to me, but he also showed me the softest sides of himself. I remember him telling me about how when he was four, his dad just started getting really physically abusive, and he couldn't understand why he was hurting him. He told me about his overdoses and how he'd always wanted a girlfriend who was also his best friend. It's just hard for me to reconcile with the fact that all of that was the same person. Sometimes I wonder what he's doing these days, and if he still takes advantage of girls, and if he has a good relationship with his parents now. And I wonder if he wonders about me, if he even knew what he was doing to me wasn't consensual. I don't think of him as an "attacker," or anything like that. I guess now he's just some dumb boy I dated in high school. Or that might just be the me from 5 years ago talking. I suppose he might be more than that since every time I've gotten to that point with someone ever since him, I panic a little, wondering if they'll stop if I don't like what's going on. It was, and still is to some extent, hard to trust people. Like, I considered him my best friend at the time, how could I be sure other people won't do the same thing even if I think I really know them? So, it's been a while since I've allowed myself to get that close to people.
This is all quite sad, I realize, but like I said, I'm pretty much over what happened. I hate that it happened to me, I hate that it's happening to other people, I hate health classes, but there's not much to heal from at this point. I'm fine, and I've had consensual experiences since then, and I'm only thinking about all of this now because I'm in a new relationship with someone who I've been borderline in love with for three years, and because she's just so vastly different from that other relationship because I feel so secure and safe with her.
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self.offmychest
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Aaaand a week later I want to die again 6 days ago I felt like living for the first time in a while.
lol that didn't last long.
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self.depression
|
Anyone else's main symptom anger? I'm always blood boiling angry. Angry at myself, at others, and just angry with the fucking world itself.
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self.depression
|
Money problems....I'm overwhelmed I'm at the end of what has been a long, dark period. Money problems have sent me spiraling into a deep depression. I am trying to hold on for my son. Just struggling to keep my head above water and out of this darkness. I have been to therapists, but it's been so hard for so long. What to do??
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm tired of Christmas, I'm tired of this month I'm so tired of the Christmas season. I feel like a modern day Scrooge. It seems like every year it gets worse as well. The holiday season comes up and right after thanksgiving everything goes south. The Christmas spirit that i remember having is long gone. I only see the worst in people. My family is all but broken up ever since dad passed away. My sister's are all over The state and my mother is drinking herself in to an early grave with no desire or drive to quit. You go out and you see people fighting and crowding the stores. You give someone a smile or try and say hi and you get the cold shoulder. No one wants to socialize, everyone is worried about themselves. Christmas absolutely brings out the absolute worst people you can find. I hate it. I wish Christmas was still about others and not about money. I saw a mall Santa the other day charging 65 bucks for a stupid standard sized picture and.a set of wallet pictures. Christmas is the absolute worst cash grab scam. Ever.
I really hate Christmas.
Edit 1: its nice to know I'm not floating this boat myself. To those of you that aren't fans, just know i don't expect anything and i won't get y'all anything either. Thank y'all.
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self.offmychest
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I'm pushing towards the suicidal thoughts but so need someone to talk to [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Latuda+lexapro= tingling ? Has anyone ever experienced feelings of pins and needles on the bottom of your feet and palms of your hands from taking latuda and lexapro?
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self.bipolar
|
I feel like I'm drowning again, I just need to get my feelings out there. I feel an incestuous sadness building up in me, like there are claws grabbing at every stray happy thought that emerges, depression isn’t quite here again but it’s getting closer. I know why it’s happening, it’s because I’ve been sitting in my flat for three days straight and I’ve lost the motivation to do anything. I feel like I should be capable of being on my own for a few days without this happening and I’m starting to question my perceived happiness at other times in my life. I just wanted to dedicate some time to studying but the isolation has created a void for old thoughts to present them selves.
Is everything In my life just a cover up for some deep seeded depression, is it always within me, dormant? And if I can never get rid of it can I ever truly be happy.
Sometimes I feel its presence when I’m having a conversation or a “Laugh” which is supposed to provide me with a sense of happiness and fulfilment, and I feel it niggling at my conscious, waiting for a chance to take control. I drown it out with music, adrenaline, adventure, interaction; but I constantly feel like an imposter impeaching upon others joy. Perhaps this is life; a constant tussle between the reigning champion sorrow and the severely handicapped happiness.
I like reading and learning new words and the construction of this post gave me a good distraction and outlet. It felt a bit stupid to be anthropomorphizing my feelings as if I'm writting a fucking novel but it’s the best way I can describe it, I might have went over the top.
I need to stop listening to fucking Moby too, that can’t be helping.
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self.depression
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I wish I had depressed independent friends so I could crash at their house when my parents think I have a life [deleted]
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self.depression
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Life isn’t worth living. And that is a fact. I’m tired of living and I really, really want an out already.
I’ve tried therapy. I’ve tried medication. I’ve tried LSD and mushrooms. (as well as tons of other drugs) I’ve even tried occult magic and nothing helps. Why shouldn’t I just kill myself?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone else pretend they're some fictional character to get away from thinking about their real pathetic self? I do all the time. I even have like this made up character that I always pretend is me. They have lots of positive traits and talents unlike me, haha.
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self.depression
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Working full-time and going to school full-time is no fucking joke [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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A friend told me he was molested when he was younger but isn’t coming forward with it. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Talking to others is so scary I guess this is mostly to vent my anxiety. I'm doing an internship for my master's in psychology, in research, and one of the things I'll have to start doing is to go out there (to other faculties on my uni) approaching people asking them to sign up for our database (the research group has a data base of people to whom they e-mail invites to participate in studies). They're in need of more people, and so I'll have to go around talking to people, weekly, asking them if they want to register to receive those invites. And it just seems so damn scary. I know once I start doing it it'll become easier, but that first step (well, the first step for a few times) seems such an impossible thing. I know if I had someone with me it'd be a lot easier, even if I did all the talking. Just having someone there would make me feel a lot more secure. But alas, I'll have to face it alone, and it makes me angry such a simple thing seems so difficult (it's not even as if I'd be approaching people to ask dates, right, it's such a professional thing, and yet...)
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self.Anxiety
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I still don’t know I’ve struggled for years with depression. It’s been crippling at times but over the last few years i started to feel more numb than in pain. The thoughts themselves never really went away though and i still struggle. Now that I’m graduating soon it feels like I’m slowly sliding back into how i used to be. I know it comes in waves during different times of the year but it’s been worse the past few months after finally feeling like i was getting better. Does it ever get better? Because honestly it doesn’t feel like it ever will. Ten years dealing with this even with all the help and it’s never really changed. It feels like now it’s a permanent part of me and it will ruin any future that i might have like it already ruined the futures that i could’ve had. Is any of this actually worth it?
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self.offmychest
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Celexa and Weight Gain I have a high level of anxiety and have been experiencing panic attacks/dizzy spells on and off for over a year now. I can get them under control for a certain amount of time but then they return. I have been on Wellbutrin for years and am happy with it but may need to add something in to help with the anxiety. i just got a new Pysch and she was great and suggested Celexa. The one thing is I REALLY don't want to gain weight. I am small, 5'2, and weigh between 110-114 and I exercise 6 days a week. There was a time when I weighed 140 and I just cannot go back to that. Of course I read a TON of horror stories and am now starting to panic and dwell on the possible weight gain. I know everyone is different but still very concerned and curious if I should stop taking this to avoid the risk. Been starting out with 10mg for 2 weeks. Thanks
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self.Anxiety
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Nothing makes me more stressed and anxious being a bengals fan and watching them play against the Steelers... at home. I need to stop watching football. Golf is nice. I should watch more golf.
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self.Anxiety
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I deserve to die. I've done nothing with my pathetic life. I've squandered every opportunity. I've disappointed and hurt so many people. I deserve to just fucking die.
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self.depression
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I have nobody to talk to, no friends, nothing. I have nobody, no friends in real life, nobody to just listen and talk to. I’m all alone in life. Every time I’ve made a “friend” they always disappear when they see how screwed up and crazy I am.
I just want someone to say that I am okay and everything will be okay. I can’t stop worrying about every little thing.
This is my cry, someone please help. I’m not sure how much more my mind can take.
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self.depression
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I'm scared of my own mom. so my mom has been out of town for the past week, and this has made me feel a lot more relaxed and comfortable, and things have been going good, i got my snipers diamond in BO3, and it actually fucking snowed (I live in Texas) and that made me really happy because thats the first time I've played in the snow in 6+ years. That all seems great, but being out in the snow reminded me of when i used to live in Kansas City, and have friends and my life was actually going well. I got bullied at every school i went to here and i hated it, but my parents refused to pull me out of the schools because of bullying, but for other reasons, specifically there was a transgender in my grade at one of the schools, and my mom being the christian freak she is immediately pulled me out. I hate it here and my parents just don,t care. were looking at moving to a suburb of San Antonio but they just try to keep us here where i know it wont get better. Sadly my mom is coming home soon and i just don't know how to deal with that because whenever she's around i have really bad anxiety and she always yells at me saying i never try hard enough in school even though i work my ass off and how i shouldn't be depressed, saying that she had it worse. To make it simple I hate San Antonio and i'm really scared of my mom and just don't know what ill do when she comes home.
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self.depression
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This girl is insane Don't know why I'm doing this shit I can't take this shit with this girl it's like I will never be enough for her. Fuck all of that shit I give up I will just go wherever the wind takes me I guess. Fuck this
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self.offmychest
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Finally opening up to my close friends about my depression and they don't care. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Trying to remind myself that I’m not cured. I started 50mg sertraline for anxiety and depression about 5 weeks ago. It took some adjusting, but the past week has been great. My work anxiety has been greatly reduced, I’m no longer terrified of going in, the stress at work fuels me instead of shuts me down, I’m not afraid of talking to strangers constantly. I’m motivated to do more at work and home rather than the bare minimum. I’ve been feeling really great.
Well, it just fucking hit. The lump in my throat. The negative thoughts. The idea that I’ll never amount to the person I want to be. The sensation in my chest.
I’m not cured of my anxiety and depression and will never be. The past week I’ve felt so good about myself that I think I convinced myself it was just gone for good. Now I just need to learn how to deal with it when it comes back like this..
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self.Anxiety
|
I want to get a credit card- Advice? How do I build good credit and manage my finances as a bipolar person?
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self.bipolar
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I’m doing it My boyfriend just broke up with me. He was all that I had.
Edit: I’m on mobile so I’m sorry about the format. I know my post was very vague but I was in a very emotional state and couldn’t think clearly. I ended up taking way more than Im supposed to take daily of adderall, and I just got back from the hospital after 8 hours. I know no one will probably see this or care, but I’ve finally made the willing choice of seeing a therapist. It’s very hard for me to open up to people so therapy has never helped me, but I just want to be happy and love myself. My whole story is long and complicated but the point is if anyone is out there struggling with mental illness please seek help. It’s extremely difficult, I know, but sometimes even just venting to someone can feel better. Showing your weakness is the strongest thing you can do, and it took me years to learn this. I’m sorry for the rambling, I’m still not 100% myself but I’ll be okay. I just hope this helps someone. I mean I’m 18, so I haven’t experienced a lot of life, but I’ve had my fair share of internal struggle. I didn’t believe in therapy but I have hope now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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A winter and Summer clock is weird Winter Clock (normal time ? oO)
Summer Clock (Day Light Saving?)
Is...weird. Is their a reason clocks aren't set up such as to give a balance of light time and night time but not fiddling twice a year (US) oO
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self.offmychest
|
Second-gen American, feeling like I'm in an identity crisis I feel kinda like I'm walking a fine line between two worlds, you know? I'm the first child of parents who immigrated to the US from the Dominican Republic back in the 80s. While I was really immersed in my parents' culture when I was younger, lately I've been feeling very disconnected from it. I haven't visited the D.R. since I was around 15, and I'm 27 now. Part of me wants to visit, but another part of me feels like it won't be the same. In the time since I've gone, two of my grandparents have passed, two of my cousins have been killed, and the rest of my cousins who I grew up with now have families of their own. The country's changed a lot, too, according to my parents.
But even besides that, I've noticed that I'm slowly losing my command of Spanish and finding it hard to speak to relatives who only know how to communicate in that language. Since my parents both speak and understand English I find myself mostly reverting to it when speaking with them, and though I try to speak Spanish with my dad it just feels awkward and forced. I get frustrated by the fact that I'm limited in how much I can express my thoughts and feelings when I speak Spanish, and as a result I feel like I don't truly *know* my parents (and vice versa) because we're both speaking different languages. It makes me feel like I'm not *actually* Dominican, even if I look it. It also makes me wonder if my parents' language and traditions are something I'll be able to pass on to my kids someday, when I decide I want them. Dominican culture revolves a lot around food and music -- I've thought about learning my mom's dishes and about taking merengue, salsa, or bachata classes because I *really* suck at dancing.
If you're the child of immigrants (especially if you're Latinx) )and have felt this way, how have you dealt with it? Could really use some advice.
Thanks for reading.
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self.offmychest
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Advice for a college student stuck in a rut? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Have anyone else's depression growed into hatred and anger? I have been depressed for two years now and it's starting to grow into anger and hatred, i don't know how to stop it.
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self.depression
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I've evolved Instead of actually hurting myself, I log on to reddit and read how disgusting and worthless I am as a fat woman. Then I binge eat.
Rinse and Repeat.
It's become a part of my daily routine.
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self.depression
|
I need something to live for Hi, I have been thinking about suicide since my girlfriend broke up with me. I can't find a meaning with life anymore. I can't concentrate in school anymore. The only thing going through my head is her. My friends keeps asking me if I am fine, and I say yea. I don't want them to be worried about me.
Before I found this girl, I was very sad every day. I became happy at the time I met her. She is so beautiful and sweet. Now I am deeper down than ever before.
Sorry for my english. I am from Denmark
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self.SuicideWatch
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Drugs, depression and anxiety ruining my brain and potential ):
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self.depression
|
Please listen I really need to say this to someone, but I am so incredibly alone right now. I want to stop the pain so badly but I don't want to cause pain to anyone around me or have them find my body. I just want to stop existing.
I've been sick, like REALLY sick for just over 3 years, most of it bed bound and I'm just beginning to slowly get well enough to leave the house again but my life has gone to shit over this time. My family are useles, I haven't been able to get disability yet so I'm totally broke, I am married but he has gotten sick of being my caretaker and so we are spending a bit of time apart at the moment. So I'm staying with friends in another state who have no idea how bad I really am right now. I email my psychologist about everything going wrong and her reaction was to say sorry things are bad, well just postpone your next appointment until your back. So what do I do? I don't want to go back into hospital - last time I did my hubby flipped and tried to leave me so I'm terrified of what will happen. I just can't cope with this along with feeling sick alllll time. Life shouldn't be this torturous
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self.SuicideWatch
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i'm not afraid to tell people i'm bipolar anymore [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
I thought I had gotten better but it's worse now than it's ever been I've had depression for a couple years now but have only been going to therapy and taking antidepressants for 6 months now. I thought I was finally getting better, I didn't feel happy but I no longer spent my entire day thinking about killing myself. I started talking to friends about how I felt and stopped self harming. But this last week something snapped and it's like all of the progress I had made towards getting better came crumbling down. I've spent the last week thinking more and more about finally ending it. I feel like the friends I was using for support have all gotten kind of tired of hearing me complain about my problems and I should just do them a favor and kill myself so they never have to listen to my whining again. What makes it all worse is that I know that I'm too much of a pussy to actually go through with anything that has a high chance of succeeding and that just makes me hate myself even more.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Do i have anxiety? For a while now i've had a constant feeling of dread and somewhat sickness and it's always there in my stomach. I don't know if this is because i have anxiety or because of my schoolwork.
I'm in a vicious cycle. I can't find motivation to do work and then that piles up and then i have constant thoughts that i must do work. I am quite a sensitive person so when i don't do my work i live in fear of what the teacher will say and that's what i thought the source of anxiety was.
But i've noticed that this feeling has affected me on weekends and in my holidays. It's less intense but it's still there. It's affecting me and it's slowly degrading my motivation completely and it's putting me to the point that sometimes i find no point in doing things or even work. I'm confused and i don't know how to get out this situation.
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self.Anxiety
|
Is it bad to daydream about a different, better life every day? In real life, I'm a big time loser. I have no friends whatsoever, am fat, unattractive, lazy, a 20 year old virgin, am totally asocial, and an anxiety-ridden mess.
So, to cope, every day when I come home from college, I spend 2 to 3 hours lying on my bed daydreaming about a different life. I close my eyes and imagine me being a popular and cool person, having a beautiful girlfriend and being one of the "cool" and attractive people on campus. I also imagine that I'm rich and a high status guy. I imagine socializing with people and dream about many different experiences. After a while, reality sets in and I cry for like 5 to 10 minutes. Then I get a hold of myself and go do something productive.
So, is coping this way bad for your long-term mental health?
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self.depression
|
My story before I die. I’m 20, she’s 18.
I was suicidal starting January and ended up finding the love of my life during work, I lived at her parents for 7 months straight and that life was great but it was naturally temporary, she left for university.
I depended on physical contact to keep me happy, that and just seeing her in person made any day a good one, but she’s gone.
I can’t stop worrying about her and worrying about how I am going to stay revelant, how someone else could be better than me and she gets with them. All this worrying has made me a different person.
People said how good we were when we were together but this distance makes me feel like we don’t even know each other anymore, I’m going over on the 14th for 5 days and I’m going to call it quits, I am then going to end my life.
I can’t live worrying everyday, but I also can’t live without her and the thought of her with someone else destroys me, why not just stay with her? Because my mind is self destructive and I always feel like something is up.
I don’t mean to hurt the people closest to me I just haven’t been good for an eternity, if you’re reading this then I am sorry for what I am going to / have done, I always supported what you wanted to do but in reverse it sealed my fate, nobody knows how I feel or think, this is right by me. Don’t feel guilty for pursuing your life goal, I couldn’t be a chain on you forever.
I’d rather die knowing I found my first true love then reciprocating generically to 50 other women, you have been amazing.
I know you didn’t see this coming because I seemed positive but deep down in my heart I’ve always been broken since you parted, I think you just made me feel like I was somewhere else. I felt loved.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
fuckfuckfuck Have a 1.2 GPA, it's really fucking me up. How can I even hope for a decent paying job at this point?
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self.depression
|
looking for a job when you have anxiety /rant It's nothing, just me complaining... I'm feeling unwell just by looking at job offers... And if I go through with it and actually send applications, I'll be paranoid because someone could call me anytime... Haha
edit: a word
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self.Anxiety
|
Weighted blanket Do you have a weighted blanket? Do you or someone you know how to make one? I’m trying to gather the essential details on how to make the best quality blanket for myself. I have seen some that try to cut the cost down, but then creates issues with spilling or washing ability.
What materials did you use?
Fabric?
Filling?
Did you follow a certain instruction?
Did you go by the weight calculator for what yours would be for you?
How big is yours?
Can you wash it?
My plan is to try and price materials and then determine if I should buy one or make one. I’m looking at the ones made by My3BoysDesigns if anyone has experience.
Thanks 🙏🏻
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self.Anxiety
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I was robbed and its pushing me over the egde [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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On thoughts This is just something I wanted to get off my chest.
They are my greatest friends and my worst enemies. They take me to extravagant worlds, enlighten me and make me laugh. They can be like my own personal gang of cheerleaders, boosting my self esteem, pulling me out of self hatred sometimes to the point of arrogance. Thoughts can show me the beauty of the world and make me smile. But most of the time they are like Cinderella's evil step sisters.
My thoughts tear me down, make me feel small and insignificant. Every time I achieve a moment of happiness there is always that little voice in my head that pops up to remind me, "You are worthless. You are pathetic". I end up feeling silly for being happy, for thinking something positive about myself. Once the afterglow of a good day fades the darkness returns again. I should think of it as a villain but that feeling has been with me for long that it feels like an old friend returning to tell me the truth, "How dumb were you to think that something good would happen. Did you really think people loved you? You should know better by now. Never forget the truth of this world, the one thing you know is true, YOU are a piece of shit."
And so I live on, I try to tell myself that these are just thoughts not truths, yet I always seem to lose the battle. The cheerleaders always seem to be beaten down by the evil step sisters. Even now they berate me for writing this. "Look at how pathetic you sound" I hear in my mind. "You've written a manifesto that the most angsty of teenagers would be proud of".
I'm in an abusive relationship with my own brain. I tell myself that I'm done with those thoughts, I'm finally leaving them behind but they always seem to pull me back in. In some way they are familiar, safe. They are what I know best. Like the most addictive of drugs I keep returning to them even though I know they are bad for me.
So as always I return to the ironic comfort of my depression.
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self.depression
|
I have Been delaying blood test for 2 months because of fear. Last day to take the test is tomorrow. need advice! Hey everyone, quick summary of things.
I started having panic attacks in February of this year and my whole life changed (maybe for the best now that I'm beginning to realize it).
After all this months I belive I've managed to pinpoint the main source of anxiety due to health problems to which I'm needed to run many tests, blood tests to be specific. The thing is I really don't like needles and even worse I begin to faint whenever I have a blood test. Have I done it before? Yes, many times, even when I was having panic attacks daily, but now that I've improved I've been delaying this test for 2 months! Now I can't escape anymore. The last day to take this blood test is tomorrow before the receipt expires.
So my question to you all is: How do you guys and gals manage to do what must be done? Wheter is work, socializing, or whatever you fear the most, physicaly or mentally? I keep thinking what if I faint there? What will people think of me? What if I panic in the middle of the test and run, what will everyone think? Sometimes the catastrophizing thoughts are stronger than me.
Thanks in advance!
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self.Anxiety
|
A week into the new year and I'm losing hope I really wanted to change and improve my life when the new year started but I'm starting to give up. I wanted this to be the year I tried my hardest and I pulled myself out of these years of suicidal thoughts and depression but I starting to think I can't be fixed or improved but that I'll just struggle, give up and die. I'm not doing it tonight but I'm probably going to try to find the best methods for it when I wake up tomorrow l.
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self.SuicideWatch
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i try so hard to be wholesome and kind to everyone [deleted]
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self.depression
|
My SO keeps telling me that she doesn't want to be alive My girlfriend of 2 months suffers from severe depression, and has episodes here and there, some worse than others. I've been there every waking moment I can to help support her through it, and letting her know I care, and that's it's going to be okay. But the thing that strikes me most like a bullet to the heart is whenever she tells me that she "wants to die", or "doesn't want to be alive anymore". I always find myself speechless, not really knowing how to respond to that. So I'm here to ask, what is the best way to respond to something like that? I don't really know....
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self.SuicideWatch
|
What do you do when you're out with people and depression hits? I went out with people. That's crazy for me. I suddenly feel like I'm worthless and annoying and I just want to go home and curl up under a blanket. I'm sorry for the people who invited me I fucking suck
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self.depression
|
My anxiety is through the roof. My heart rate is constantly high, I'm constantly wanting to be active, and I suffer from insomnia. I have constant pain in my heart region. I take Clonazepam at night, which helps me mellow out. I live in a small city, which I never wanted to move to, I did it for work 10 years ago, currently unemployed.
This past Christmas I spent at my mom's place in my hometown, and my heart magically stopped hurting, and my anxiety levels dropped while I was there. It's a small, conservative, quiet, scenic town. It was surreal.
I constantly feel like one of my heart arteries is going to burst, it's nuts. Like a sled dog pushing its limits. Yet I'm not an active person. Even at rest, my bp is off the charts.
I need change. I need to get back to my roots, I'm not from this area, I really dislike it.
Thanks for reading
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self.Anxiety
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My classmate seems depressed I don't know how to approach her and I hate seeing her like this What can i do and not seem too intrusive and intruding?
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self.depression
|
Does your hypomania affect your alcohol intake/tolerance? I don't drink at all if I'm down. My internal voice tells me I don't deserve to or that I'm a loser if I do. If I'm feeling normal, I have a normal 120lb girl tolerance. But, if I'm hypomanic or manic I HAVE to drink. I DON'T like getting drunk. That's not it at all. I just have to have something to take it down a notch. That said, my tolerance also goes through the roof. I can totally kick back 8-10 beers and only get slightly more obnoxious (or not). No buzz, no hangover, no sleepiness. It's not good for my wallet, waistline, or liver, so I really try to avoid it. I'm actually doing okay right now. I was mostly curious if this is normal for bipolar.
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self.bipolar
|
Woah. I think Depakote makes me really not enjoy life. NSFW I can't orgasm on it. No libido. I can't stay awake on it. I have no personality.
Anyone else have this because of depakote?!
|
self.bipolar
|
It’s sad when... Your only friends include one girl you work with and another that live in another city. I have no friends and it’s sad as fuck.
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self.depression
|
My brother has a friend over for the week [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
A part of me wants to get better. The other part wants to die. My mind is a battlefield I no longer wish to fight in. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I'm hating life This was supposed to be the start of a good year not just a new one. I feel depressed, sad, and my anxiety is going crazy. Yoh say you have been faithful since We got married.... well I know about your chat partner from when we first got married. I pushed it aside because I loved you
Fast forward to today and all the guys you chat with..... well I'm not sure if my love runs that deep anymore.
Some days I wish a train would hit one of us and end it all
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self.offmychest
|
Is there a subreddit like this but for anger? I think of my depression comes from being angry so often and alienating people. Thanks
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self.depression
|
NyQuil & Risperidone Anyone else have trouble with this combination? I woke up dizzy and I feel like my head is stuffed full of cotton. I know they're both sedatives but I was starting to get sick. Anyone know a good way to combat head fatigue? I've tried caffeine, B-vitamins, and nicotine.
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self.bipolar
|
i just wanna say this world is full of garbage
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self.SuicideWatch
|
How should I approach My first therapy appointment Okay so I have a really long and extensive history of mental health problems and things that have contributed to those problems. I was abused as a child, and then later raped as an adult. Recently when I've been coming to terms with my child abuse I found out that there may have been some covert sexual abuse that my dad inflicted on me on top of being physically and emotionally abused by him too (and my mom to a certain degree but that is more complicated). Sometimes I don't know if my mental health problems are a product of what my abusers did to me or if I was born with them and they've just been amplified. I'm saying this because previously when I went to therapy at my university I was diagnosed with a bunch of things with OCD being the main diagnosis. I don't know if OCD is something that develops over time or if you're truly born with it and its causing me a lot of pain and confusing. On top of that I truly do believe I have problems with food. I eat too much when I'm anxious, almost compulsively. Like I don't stop eating sometimes or just keep looking for food which makes me even more anxious; sometimes I'm not even physically hungry, but I'll compulsively eat because I've been stressed out. Other times its the opposite and I don't eat for days. I already have major issues with my body and I'm kind of a hypochondriac. This is merely a summarized version of what I'm going through. I REALLY want to see a therapist again, a proper one that's not tied to my university (because those therapists mainly deal with school related anxiety and are for short time visits). However I have no idea how to go about it, I have anxiety in so many facets over so many different things I don't know how to approach talking to my therapist. Part of me wants to word vomit everything right there because I'm desperate for relief. Another part of me doesn't even want to go to therapy. What do I do?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Natural Anxiety help preventions/TIPS ... these are a few things that have helped me recently and i wish someone has told me and i really hope it can help at least one person on here. this took me my whole life to learn as for the first time in 23 years of living i am finally learn to love myself. it is possible. there is light at the end of the tunnel. but we have to put in the work......
these are some tips i have for now. ive felt alone my whole life. i wish i knew about reddit earlier. i hope this helps someone. i wish i had this forum earlier. it takes work but there is hope. i am so grateful for this community as it has helped me so much......
- i highly reccomend RALPH SMART/INFINITE WATERS on youtube as he was the one that has saved my life pretty much even if its via youtube.
(about me : i struggle with depression, anxiety disorders my whole life, and PTSD. i am feeling better each and every day and this is what i do. each day i can feel myself feeling more and more anxiety/depression free. my symptons of PTSD are starting to lessen as well. )
"wealth is in the mind, control your mind/thoughts control your life"
1) eating clean as possible. Junk food. comforting, but the added toxins in these foods just create more and more anxiety.
- chamomile tea, magnesium, and leafy greans are all great for anxiety and calming the body.
2) removing caffeeine!!! - this was a big one for me as i literally had to go through withdrawls. i did it and i feel wonderful!! caffeine only adds to anxiety
3) listening to podcasts/ music/ & most importantly motivational videos. - good way to "get your mind off thinking". whenever im feeling highly anxious or depressed, these motivational videos.
Classical music is amazing to relax your brain. Also "binural beats" are great for the brain to relax.
4) watching funny tv shows, or television you enjoy rather than some reality shows that you may feel sad, depressed or more dumb after watching.
5) excercise!! - as much as possible. it takes discipline, but a little excercise each day makes the largest difference.
6) social media detox.- i cant stress this enough. everytime i do a Social detox i instantly feel so much better. with anxious minds, and having so many platforms to constantly "check and be addicted too" our brains become more anxious, and it is an addiction. a detox helps clear the mind a bit.
7) Breathing!!! - breathing is the answer! meditation, breathing techniques whatever you find helpful for you is amazing for your mind, body and soul.
8) essential oils- lavender is my personal favorite, but these help relax especially before bed, or if im feeling anxious when i wake up in the morning
9) GRATITUDE - make a list either in the morning or at night before bed and write at least 3 things you are grateful for. this is a big one as we often overlook what we are happy about because we are always focused on the worst.
10) journal!- journalling has helped me immensely. writing it down with a pen and paper is so great to let all of these anxious thoughts down on paper and keep your brain busy.
11) mindfulness- whenever im feeling highly anxious or on the verge of having an attack i start to look at where i am in the moment. may sound silly but i keep talking to myself in my head such as there is 7 shoes in the room. 4 black 3 white.. etc... until my mind calms down.
12) doing what you enjoy!- make time for you. do something each day that you enjoy, treat yourself, rather it be a bath, wathcing your favorite movie, eating some chocolate, etc....
13) be gentle with yourself- know and allow this suffering as it is going to be beneficial for your journey strength. you will overcome this and become stronger. meanwhile take care of yourself as much as possible.
14) CLEAN YOUR SPACE!- clean space= clear mind! me always being super depressed & anxious and adding pTSD in there my room has always been a disaster. laundry not done. books from years ago not needed still piling up. once i dedicated to cleaning my space, doing my laundry. donating things i didnt need/use/wear anymore to those in need i instantly felt 100x better.
15) make your bed- this may sound silly, but after i started making my bed i feel so much better when i come home from a long day at work to find my bed made. it also motivates me in the morning to make it. cause i want it to look nice.
16) Nature- try to spend sometime in nature everyday. whatever you enjoy and try to present in the moment and observe this wonderful planet (:
17- leave your bedroom/house! - if you like to be alone most of the time & be in your room ( like me still trying to get out of this slowly but surely to become social lol ) you can still go to a museum alone, coffee shops alone, gyms, even a short walk will make you feel better
18- dress well- it doesnt matter your personal style or how much money you have. instead of wearing PJs all day even to go to starbucks, wear whatever you feel more confident in. a nicer put together outfit that isnt PJs this can also help your confidence, and lower your nerves a bit.
19- helping others- kindness is a big thing. volunteering, or just simply helping someone you know is in need, can be a big boost into countring - anxiety.
these are some tips i have for now. ive felt alone my whole life. i wish i knew about reddit earlier. i hope this helps someone. i wish i had this forum earlier. it takes work but there is hope. i am so grateful for this community as it has helped me so much......
|
self.Anxiety
|
I have these anxiety attacks :( I can't breathe, and I can't move, and I feel fucking terrified. I have these awful thoughts that terrify me and they're ruining my life honestly, they make everything hard to cope with, I was having a hard time even taking a shower for a while 'cause that's where these thoughts were at their worst. I want a friend or someone who can calm me down, and help me when this happens, but I don't think anyone can. As childish as it sounds, I wish my mum could help me :(
|
self.depression
|
Why does it feel like everyone has a talent but me? It's really hard to have any self esteem when you fail at everything you try. I did sports for years when I was younger, even after practicing and practicing I never got any better, I was always dead last. That wasn't just one sport, it was baseball, football, cross country, and track, dead last on my team every time, all the time. It's not like I excelled academically either, I graduated almost dead center of my class. Creatively I was never good at anything either.
How is it everyone else seems to just have some natural born talent, and I can't get anywhere even with practice? I can't even get good at video games, and that's something I have been doing for well over a decade and a half. I feel like I may as well just not even attempt to do anything, I know I'm going to fail. Why wouldn't I fail? I have failed at literally everything I've ever tried. I want to get over my self contempt so bad, but how am I supposed to build confidence when I every time I try I just end up embarrassed?
|
self.depression
|
I am a garbage byproduct of my generation that doesn't belong anywhere, will never have a stable or secure life, and should just be forgotten. I am a surplus.
I am a too much.
I am someone no one is hiring because there are too many of me.
Whiny Millennial with a college degree in sociology.
I am told that I have to be an adult and grow up, take care of myself. That I am entitled for thinking that I should be able to afford things without working myself to an early grave. This wasn’t supposed to be how my life was supposed to go. My parents and their parents had careers, bought houses, started families. Why can’t I. Why can’t I work enough to be like them? Why am I so spoiled and lazy? Why can’t I find a job with a living wage? Why do they make so much luxury shit that they say we should have. Luxury shit like, apartments, health insurance, a 5 day work week with regular hours, cable tv, food in the fridge, time to go shopping and cook. Who can afford that? Not most people. Not surpluses like me.
What I am is a surplus: surplus labor. I am what is left over.
I am expendable. I can be fired at a moment’s notice. I cling to a job that I tolerate because the alternative is even worse. I have no clout. If I complain, even about things I have a right to, even about being put in a position where I have to break the rules and thrown under the bus when something goes wrong, then I am expended. I have no rights.
What am I even for? Why do I have to keep living? I am never ever going to retire. There is no possibility for savings and the political class seems committed to making this situation even worse and to dismantling what little remaining safety net there is, what little retirement there is. I am going to work like this until I am dead. Why wait?
I went to college. I got good grades. I was good in school. I didn’t go to juvie. I have ultimately the same fate as those who did. The only subversive thing I did was transition to female and maybe smoke weed once in a while. But even people who didn’t do those things seem to wind up in the situation. I am aging, but my 20s never ended. I don’t feel like I have any security or stability. Once my mother is gone, I am completely doomed. Why wait? Why live in suspense?
I can’t even get sick or go mad. I have so little breathing room.
I also can’t help but feel this is all my fault. I did have a career for a short time but I burned out. I also couldn’t continue living as a man and couldn’t transition while in that career in that part of the country and it was just going to bubble up in my mind over and over again as my hairline got further and further back. Getting a new teacher certificate will cost far too much in time and money that I simply do not have and honestly, thought of facing my own classroom again is not something I think I can do anymore.
The thought of becoming homeless is one of the most nightmarish things I can think of happening to me short of prison and I fear that homelessness can lead to prison. Homelessness, destitution, and prison keeps me complacent, keeps me going to these jobs. What society really wants though, is for me to die. That is what is most convenient for society, for all the surpluses to just disappear, so they can continue selling vacant luxury condos and walking past bums, the surplusest of surplus labor to sell big screen tvs that my generation can’t afford, and throwing away they old ones that can’t be fixed because society needs people to buy the new one but also needs to pay the overwhelming majority people too little to actually do so. Why argue with society? It just puts me on the streets or in prison to experience misery forever. I am a garbage person, disposable, expendable.
Surplus.
Too much.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm the dude who never figured out how to express his sexuality properly, so I post pictures of myself on Reddit. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
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