text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
First time on lexapro.. Finally got help for my anxiety because it's been debilitating for the last month after taking Flagyl for a week for a bacterial infection. Struggled w anxiety since I was five years old and my parents refused to take it seriously so now at age 21 I finally asked a doctor for help because it interfered with my life so much that I started having to leave work early, which isn't the best thing for me right now as a struggling college student.
Anything I should look out for? Honestly my doctor just threw the prescription at me and didn't go in depth because I had already ran over my 15 minute walk in allotment for an ailment unrelated to my anxiety. I've never been on a prescription. I don't struggle with depression, just anxiety. Seen a pretty equal amount of horror stories and success stories. I'm starting at 5mg, splitting a 10mg because that was the lowest dosage that was covered.
EDIT: Honestly scared to take it because I'm afraid of anaphylaxis... my only known allergy is dust
|
self.Anxiety
|
I hate my anger and my ragging personality. I have horrible character, I get fuming in a matter of seconds and my rage will just spill all over and around me. I'm afraid I become a mean person when I'm enraged like that. I've been trying to manage it for half my life but soetimes it reappers and gets the best of me. I want to be kind and loving, not a rage machine that will shut everybody down with arguments as soon as I feel offended by something. I'm sorry.
|
self.offmychest
|
Need to not be alone tonight at a place where I can study/work. Any ideas? I need to tackle work, stress and anxiety. Which I did at the library until midnight last week. Today and tomorrow the library closes early and I am afraid to be alone. I get distracted and anxious.
Last week I tried a bar, but it was weird, as I was the only person there not trying to have a good time. At some point the waiter refused to serve me coffee and I ordered a beer (I'm not joking).
Any ideas?
(Any ideas on reducing isolation as well?)
|
self.depression
|
My autistic brother is so annoying I feel like pulling my hair out! My brother had no autism symptoms until he caught meningitis, and the reason he caught meningitis was because my mother believes literally every dumb conspiracy theory and refused to vaccinate him.
Since then, every day, every few seconds I hear ''UNNGHHHHHH'' or cussing. My bedroom is downstairs, on the opposite side of the house, while he is upstairs. I can STILL hear that BS even with earplugs - and I have glue ear so it's not like my hearing is sensitive, it's usually slightly muffled as it is.
He wakes up at 12 PM and goes to sleep no earlier than 12 - 1 AM, being obnoxiously loud in the process as if it were 12 PM.
I have heart problems and when they act up I can get very sick and my doctor and therapist explicitly stated I needed more relaxation and rest, but how the heck can I relax when every few seconds I hear that BS? I can also here him banging in his room.
My mother doesn't give a crap and is outside all the time. She doesn't bother to take him to a doctor so they can drug some sense into him and acts like I'm nuts or irrational because I want to relax and 1 AM. IN. THE. MORNING!
I'm seriously considering rushing to get a job, a 12 hour shift (10 AM to 12 AM) so that I can get through daily life without feeling like I want to tear all of my hair out. If I get home from work at 5 PM, then I'm going to have to deal with 7 HOURS of acoustic torture BS before I can even BEGIN to relax. It takes me a few hours to get that missing relaxation just so I can fall asleep.
You may say just listen to music etc. I do! I can still hear that shit through my headphones and it distracts the hell out of me. I can't even do basic hobbies properly!!
He has a cold right now and I know it sounds terrible, but I'm HOPING he gets laryngitis so he can shut the F up for a bit and I can have some daytime relaxation which I haven't had for months and months.
|
self.offmychest
|
Advice How do you guys deal with it when your life is pointless and shit and there seems to be no hope of you improving it.
|
self.depression
|
Better off without me Meals with my family have been a real struggle lately. I can't keep much food in because of my anxiety and I have to force myself to eat something. We all just sit there in silence, my parents angrily staring at me because I'm a huge disappointment.
They went out today, with my brother, so I ate alone. When they returned, they had dinner without me. I could hear them laughing and having fun for an hour. It's just more proof that the world is better off without me. Why am I still here? Why was I put into this world in the first place?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm freaking out atm (Doki Doki related) Hey, if you don't know what Doki Doki Literature Club is, it's a visual novel/dating sim game that is pretty messed up and I wouldn't be suprised if a lot of people are writing here after playing the game.
Instead of writing down my whole story, here's a link where you can read it on the game's Steam Community https://steamcommunity.com/app/698780/discussions/0/1620599015870999330/
The reason I'm freaking out is because I kinda went into a weird transe a couple of minutes ago while listening to my favorite music. I took off the eraser tip of a pencil laying down, then I shaped the metal into a tiny blade. I then started cutting myself for the first time. Just a tiny 1cm spot, but also just enough to bleed. I then took an old drawing of Monika (read story) I made and wrote "I love you" with my blood.
I never knew I could be so edgy, and I'm extremly mad, angry, dissapointed, confused and sad about myself. I was alone in my room, some of my mother's friend came over to eat and it's currently 12:15 and there's just a bunch of drunkies downstair. So right now I'm writing this so I can get your toughts on the damn situation, and what I should do to prevent that kind of thing to ever happen.
Thank you for your attention.
|
self.depression
|
There is no good reason to keep the drinking age at 21, and this shit drives me nuts. Honestly, I don't see a reason not to lower the drinking age to 21. The rest of the world has their age of being an adult and drinking typically the same. Here in the US, you can:
* Enlist in the Military and die for your country
* Get Married
* Watch and or Star in Hardcore Pornography
* Smoke
* Sign Legally Binding Contracts
* Vote for President and other political leaders that will dictate the outcome and well being of the country.
* Be a part of jury duty (which can deal with whether or not someone gets the death penalty)
* Play the lottery
* Be considered responsible for your own actions and go to jail/be charged as an adult
Yet you can't have a freaking beverage. I can't be the only one who finds this unreasonable, even after just recently turning 21. Is there some underlying thing I'm missing here?
It just fucking drives me nuts. The US's drinking laws make no fucking sense other than old people being ageist against young people and wanting them to be adults and pay for taxes and shit but they still want to treat them like kids.
|
self.offmychest
|
I can’t do it anymore It’s the one year anniversary of my dads death today and I’m so alone and everything is wrong. I’m still not sleeping. all I do is cry it seems. I have no friends. I have no hobbies. I have a fiancé who is amazing but I just feel not good enough for him and that he would be better off without me.
Can’t even afford to get to college until next month and I have a test in 2 weeks. Literally have £2
I just feel so done everything hurts so much and I’m just so tired. I don’t know what to do I really hurt
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I wish I was strong enough. Last week I tried to end my life but ended up not going through with it. I remember once before I was able to actually try. Wish I was strong enough to do so again. It's really all my life is now. Just waiting until that moment..
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
DAE get even more anxiety from anxiety caused tension headaches? I often get tension headaches from nearly daily anxiety attacks. But I have health anxiety, so the headaches are misdiagnosed by my head as a brain tumor. That causes more anxiety that will eventually cause more headaches. The increased anxiety also causes other symptoms like nausea, tightness in my throat and a racing heart. All causing even more stress
I hate heath anxiety.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel inferior I've never had a friend, or anyone I could relate to. I don't fit in anywhere. I'm so socially-stupid. I don't understand how people socialize so well. Meanwhile, I probably can't even get my facial expressions, or my body movements right. I talk to myself, make random weird facial expressions, and I can't handle emotions well (they feel intense, so I block them so I feel nothing). I can't even form my own personality. I'm not passionate or consistent, so I'm usually bored because I have 0 interests.. Fitting in is impossible. I'm always the weird one. Ugh.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’m so fucking sick of being me All my life I’ve been boring, pathetic, awkward and socially incompetent. I’m so fucking sick of being the outcast in every situation and just that weird quiet girl. It’s not like I don’t have friends, but there’s always seemed to be a limit to the extent I can connect with someone. I always end up overthinking every little interaction I have with someone to the point where I fuck it up more than I would’ve if I had just been myself. And over the years I’ve gotten so caught up in trying to be perfect that eventually I’ve forgotten how to just be me.
Recently I’ve been talking to some people in my year on instagram. And I guess I developed a sort of “friendship crush” on them. They seemed so interesting and they shared and appreciated my outlook. I never really thought I’d meet someone with the same interests and opinions as me until I started talking to them.
Something happened today which fucked everything up. They posted a picture of them at a party and I guessed I just realised no matter how much I THINK I’m connecting with them, there’s no way of our friendship advancing. I’ve always been an outcast and I always will be and they’re just as shallow as any of the other popular kids. No matter how much hope I have for finally relating to someone, most likely situation is that it’s all in my head and they’re just laughing about me behind my back.
I’m probably hugely over-thinking this but I can’t get it out of my head and it’s tearing me apart. I still want to be friends with them but I guess I’m just realising any hope I had was just pathetic me being oblivious to the fact that they don’t have any interest in me.
I guess I just needed to get that out.
|
self.depression
|
I’m in a weird place, I think I always see people saying they like being hypo but I’m depressed right now and it’s kind of a relief. Although I’m sad for no reason, apathetic is probably more fitting, and I’m not eating and am just so tired all day and don’t really leave my bed.. I’m still keeping up with my hygiene which usually goes right out the door when I get depressed. But my mind is like on vacation. I haven’t changed a thing with my meds. I take them around the same time(s) every day. I have been crying a little bit more. For the longest time I didn’t cry at all. I might actually be sad about something. I mean I, for the most part, hate myself and my life, but that’s an everyday thing. Maybe my mind isn’t as “on vacation” as I thought. I’m just happy, for lack of a better word, to not be manic/hypo bc I’m starting to think that I get more mixed than anything. I’m possibly even mixed right now but on the more depressed side, if it “works” that way. I don’t think I’m making sense. Is it possible to be in an almost constant mixed episode but either lean manic or depressed? I thought I had a pretty descent grasp on “bipolar” but fuck idk
|
self.bipolar
|
At what point is my behavior not due to depression, but because I am just a horrible person? I make stupid decisions, avoid everything in my life, and act like an asshole to people who don't deserve it. Everything I am afraid of is so stupid and are not excuses to act the way I do. It is so easy to be kind to others but instead I just pretend everyone else doesn't exist and ignore everyone and everything. I tell myself that my anxiety and depression are to blame, but I think it is probably just that I am a horrible person.
|
self.depression
|
Why is he trying to be all nice to me after treating me like trash? I got an email from a place asking if I wanted to come in and apply for a job in person. I asked my boyfriend to show me where the place is. When we got into the parking lot he told me I should go in there now and apply. I told him I'll come back and do it tomorrow. He's like "geez are you that damn shy? Seriously do you have like an anxiety disorder or something? Are you that scared of people? You never come into the stores with me. You give your mom money to do your grocery shopping for you."
Seriously and then when we got home he tries to be all nice to me and giving me hugs and kisses.
Why is he being like this?
|
self.depression
|
I feel like I should kill myself Ever since I was young, I've always had this feeling that I was going to die at a young age. Depression has been something that has haunted me before I even knew what it meant, I've always wished that I was dead or that I was never even born as I am too afraid to actually commit suicide because of the possibility of failure and how it will affect my family. I'm barely 20 and I'm in college but I really don't see my life as worth living. I'm smart and getting through it but nothing makes me happy, I have no passions, hobbies, or friends. I'm drifting through life and the thought of living like this forever terrifies me I feel like I should just end it. There is no scenario in my mind for a future where I will be comfortable with existing. I sincerely feel like there is no solution to my mindset, I am extremely self aware and think about how much I hate my life every single day. Even in moments where things should be "happy" I can feel how fake it is and am aware of the depression lingering inside, no one in my life knows I feel this way and I'm just tired of it all. Maybe this is what I'm destined to do. Maybe things keep happening to push my suicide forward and I should just submit to what the world wants for me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Maybe I am Crazy Enough to Qualify for SSD It's been suggested to me before that I would probably qualify. My mental illnesses have been well documented for most of a decade. Am I bipolar? I don't know. It was a diagnosis I received at 19 and thought I'd shed since. I mean, I have times where I am unbelievably stupidly happy and energetic, something I can only describe as mania. But it's only for the space of an afternoon.
My temper is quick and I can't control it. Bouts of anger are always followed by deep shame and guilty, *I'm sorry* *I'm sorry* *I'm sorry* then depression and self loathing. My depressive episodes last much longer than the rages and the mania but the rages and the mania cause the most damage.
I get in my head a lot. I get stuck there. I perceive something and whether that is reality or not, in my head, that is what it is. Mostly this person or that person hating me. I always say the wrong thing and obsess over it. I have to make things right with whomever I feel has negative feelings about me or it will make me nutty and I'll think about my mistake constantly.
People have suggested to me that I apply for SSD. I scoffed. I'm an able-bodied, 28 year old woman. I do not need SSD like others in my generation who get it for depression but just don't want to work. I want to work. I just can't keep a job because I explode and walk out. Or because I act too crazy when I'm happy. People are always telling me to calm down.
I'm on seroquel, wellbutrin, Zoloft and suboxone. I've not had a manic episode or a rage episode in a long time and my isolated depressive episodes are very short now. These meds are what work for me. The only thing is that I can't stop with the getting in my head and thinking people hate me. I can't stop obsessing over what people think of me. I hate it and I can't stop. I'm a hermit because I ruin everything and every relationship I have.
|
self.bipolar
|
Sober (or mostly sober) and bipolar? For the record, I'm a very *light* drinker (social, so rarely). No hard drugs. Pot = psychosis for me, so not a fan either (also, not looking for a lecture on trying a different strain).
I feel like there's not that many out there...? I remember meeting much older people in groups who were recovering, but most of the younger people were either in dual diagnosis groups or loud and proud about their addictions.
EDIT: I'm also wondering how your mental health and stability has fared or improved after becoming sober? And for those of you who use anything, if you notice a change in your mood while/after using? Thank you for your replies! I half feared that this would get downvoted to death or ignored, as is tradition with anything that isn't "yay drugs!" on reddit.
|
self.bipolar
|
someone suggested that i might have a anxienty disorder hello guys,
i am male and im 17 years old and since atleast 1.5 years i always had problems regarding ''stress" almost every day i feel stressed out and not well rest. but in the course of time it became worse to the point that when some of my friends started making plans to go out or do something together i always got this ''stress attack'' it made me ''stressed out'' and didnt want to go anymore. and it does influence my social life.
and also when someone calls my name i also get this sort of ''stress attack'' and when it was really worse i just started slapping my feet or my head but this almost only happend when my mom or dad calls me by my name.
i just want to know your opinions on this can this be a anxienty disorder?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Just a rant about ghosting no one will read To be honest, ghosting is such a cowardly, prideful, self-superior act. Because I don't sound or say the magic words just the way you want me to, you literally just stop talking to me, and you don't even have the balls to say "You think outside the box or even you're weird." Literally, if I say something unorthodox, have some fucking courtesy and tell me you think what I said or what I did wasn't cool. Just let me know you don't want to talk to me, don't just fucking leave without a trace, because it shows you have no respect, no courtesy, and no decency towards other human beings.
As to why this "Ghosting" shit is happening, it's because everyone is so cozy with their smart phones and afraid of any confrontation or speaking their authentic opinion. That's why, at least if I see you doing something I think is unusual or questionable, I'll fucking call you out on it.
Message: If you get ghosted, just understand the person doesn't want to deal with confrontation for whatever reason. Don't let it get you depressed because it's not personal.
|
self.depression
|
Mood tracker app that averages entries throughout the day to give you a daily average? I have been using Daylio but I’m not sure that it has the above feature that I am seeking. I assume it must assign my multiple daily entries an average to get data for the monthly view but I can’t tell.
I would also like to be able to see multiple months at a time as something other than a bar chart like with Daylio.
I can have so many ups and downs in a day that at the end of it - it’s hard for me to judge whether or not it was even a good day.
Thanks for any help!
|
self.bipolar
|
Nervously picking the skin off my lip Over and over.. I keep picking off the same spot, obsessively. I'm worried it's gonna scar honestly. I dunno what to do about it
|
self.bipolar
|
How to get the most out of my therapist & psychiatrist visits? So I typically see each of these people once per month, though I would like to see my therapist more frequently. I never really know what to say during these visits. Like what sorts of things should I be relaying to each of these to best get treated? psychiatry is mainly medication based, so just talk about any positive/negative effects of meds and thats it? when I go to my therapist, that is more difficult. the sessions are so short and I only get one per month, so I feel like I always go off on tangents because there's so much for me to talk about, idk. what am I even supposed to talk about to those people? current symptoms? my current stress factors? past events which caused you trauma? how do you guys get the best out of your mental health clinic visits? sorry for ranting here, just trying to become more organized and properly utilize my doctors!
|
self.depression
|
I feel manic but not in a good way.. I don’t feel like doing anything creative.
I don’t feel like listening to music.
I don’t feel like exercising (though I went for a run to try)
I don’t feel like being around people.
I don’t feel like drinking.
I just feel like a bag of nervous shaking and it is *awful*
On the upside, I don’t feel particularly sad or depressed!
How do you guys deal with this?
|
self.bipolar
|
my GP said she wants to take me off my meds i’ve been “threatened” with being taken off my antidepressants before and every time it’s said my mood drops. hearing “we’ll be looking into taking you off your meds soon” i panic, hard. the last time it happened, things got bad - admitted-to-hospital-bad.
fast forward to yesterday, we weren’t even talking about my mood or my meds and she comes out and says she wants to take me off them next summer. my meds have been such a massive help for me, i would have surely met my demise without them. next summer i will have been on them for a year.
i. don’t. want. to. stop. taking. them. it was a massive ball ache trying to get on them, what if something horrible happens when i’m off them that could have been avoided if i was still on them. i pay for my medication, i don’t see the problem? i’m a really unstable person, real life and things, especially my emotions, control my life. like i said before, i’d be dead without them.
inb4 “you’re addicted”, i don’t have the ability to get addicted to things. i tried as an experiment. also i often forget to take my meds on time, an addict would take them on the dot or wait around for the time to take them. i do not.
i’m 21 for reference and i’ve been to therapy twice, it worked when i went but i’m not sad enough for their care anymore (cough, thank u meds ❤️)
|
self.depression
|
What happens if I think about one of my triggers while under medication or after therapy? Once the mental problem is under control whether its therapy or medication etc what happens when I think of something or I'm in a situation that would normally "trigger" my horrible feelings. I can't imagine bring able to keep my cool can I really get to that state?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Mania level: cleaning door handles at 3am There’s a voice in my head where every time I start doing something productive it literally feels like it’s going “wheeeee!”
I need to get this out. Sorry all.
Then VLM started and I had to turn it off because I wanted to punch the TV. I’m so angry I want to scream. I didn’t get in this year. In this mood I’d be breaking world records dressed as a strawberry singing jammy music. Spent the last 13 Mile race dressed as a skeleton singing Addams family dressed as a skeleton so I bet I could keep it up for 26 miles.
Typing is hard because I’m shaking.
I ran out of cleaning supplies at 4am and passed out. Woke up 3 hours later. On my way to get more wood wax now.
I’ve realised I’m one asshole away from punching someone and one happy moment away from vibrating like an electric toothbrush, singing all of Hamilton and then burning out.
Coming down from a high this extreme feels like a hangover. Not looking forward to that.
But I’m happy now. Last week I could hardly speak or get out of bed. This is better.
I can’t drive; I treat the clutch like a bass drum pedal and the steering like a 1950s movie car.
My friend is coming running with me later. I’m glad. I’m worried I’m going to just crash and burn and I need a someone.
Thats all. Just needed to get it out. Typing it makes me feel like I can control it. Ha de ha.
|
self.bipolar
|
Thanks guys Thanks for all your support, you guys tried your best. I just didn't, I'm sorry. I'll always be sorry, to those I love, to those I hate, to the ones that love me and, the ones that hate me.
Bye now, be good.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Planning to attempt suicide tonight. Maybe someone will see this. I’m 15 and can’t do it anymore. Tonight I’m going to down 100 pills of Advil and jump off of the bleachers at my school. Every day is just the same boring cycle. I have no hopes or dreams for the future. It feels like every day I lose a part of myself. The world is constantly getting worse, and I know I don’t want to bring a child into this world. I believe that I will be reborn somehow into a world that I can’t comprehend. I told my mom that I was going to kill myself tonight, and the only thing she told me is that “it will get better” and if I wanted to do something today. I don’t know if it is destined for me to die tonight or if she just can’t even think of a reason that I should keep living. I feel like I have lost compassion for everyone, I can’t remember the last time someone has made me laugh or made me feel some strong emotion. I am so tired of everything and just want to not think anymore. Go somewhere where emotion doesn’t exist. I feel so hopeless, and I don’t even want to become happy anymore. I would rather just die than spend years putting in effort to make myself just feel ok again.
Even if I don’t die maybe this will change something. Break the cycle or do something to make my life meaningful again. Maybe tonight while I’m standing at the edge of the bleachers, able to take a few steps forward and end it at any second, I’ll realize something. Or maybe I’ll feel nothing at all. The people that I consider friends and family probably won’t even exist anymore once I die.
This is just me venting my sadness and anger at everything. I know it’s just a bunch of depressing gibberish.
I’m sorry I’m so selfish.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Fuck this. Goodbye and thanks for all the fish. It's not that suicide is the only option. People are shit and trying to communicate is futile for me. It will never work. It never has, it never will. I tried and fuck this. I got lots of beer and a gun. Good-bye. No one ever even knew me and I hate this planet and this life. I hope to god there's no such thing as reincarnation, I don't ever wanna come back here. I'm gonna put the gun under my chin so I do it right. Ruger P83. Thanks for nothing world. I hope Trump and Kim Jong Un kill everyone. That's a punchline almost worth staying around for. But not quite. Outta here.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
First time posting here. Thought I’d check it out, and ask a few questions. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Don't know how to tell them Recently I have considered and am about sign up for the marines reserves. The problem is that I have absolutely no clue on how to tell my parents without them freaking out. This is literally one of the hardest thing for me to do so far. Ever since I was a child, my parents have always put in my head that education is everything in life. Now in college, I'm doing shitty and I feel like I'm taking there help for granted (they help pay). I'm doing shitty because I'm a lazy fuck and I absolutely hate it, I feel like I have no reason to exist. I want to change myself, be more disciplined and not depend on them so much. I think that they will hate me for this because I'm dropping school even though I plan to study afterwards. I'm mentally freaking out and don't know what to do.
|
self.offmychest
|
2 Shots.. I don't know what to do anymore..
It seems that the gods are punishing me for something that I can't seem to understand. Everything is just falling apart, piece by piece the supports and foundations of my life crumble away into emptiness. I can't remember the last time I smiled or laughed.. I just sit here now, isolating myself from what would by friends and family so that they don't have to be wrapped up in these nightmarish chains of pain. I woke up this morning, no longer feeling the normal self-hatred from not fading in my sleep.. I felt ready..
I'm sitting here, a bottle of vodka and a revolver, 'Hollywise' ringing in my head. Those lyrics drowning out all the monsters screaming..
"So now one hand holds a bottle
The other cradles a .44
Two more shots and it's over
He just couldn't hang on no more"
I'm ready to let go.
Goodnight.
|
self.offmychest
|
I guess I don't really know what to do or who to talk to. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
On Friday, I️ left work feeling like I️ was worth the amount of money I️ make and that the compliments from my boss were genuine. I’ve been trying to ride out that feeling all weekend.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don't even know why I'm posting this... So, first off, I don't know why I'm even posting this. I guess I just feel like I need to tell someone, even though it won't really change anything. Last night I overdosed on benadryl and slit my wrists. I proceeded to pass out. The cuts on my wrists weren't very deep so I didn't loose much blood. I went in and out of consciousness all night, but I woke up in the morning (this morning). I was so upset I woke up. I didn't think I'd ever have to wake up again. When I first felt the medicine start to kick in I panicked. But then a calm swept over me and I just accepted it. It was so peaceful. I felt like I was going home. And I know that's bad. I know that my mind isn't suppose to think like that, but it does. And the scariest thing is, I want to try again. I'm at such a loss for what to do. (side note, not a single person knows about my depression, anxiety, cutting, or this attempt. I've never been to a doctor or talked to anyone about this because I'm alone and I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I also know how disappointed my family would be if they found out.) Anyways, yeah I don't know the point of this.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm not a good person I sometimes get called nice, or even being told I'm a good person. I'm not, you don't know me, and one action doesn't tell you what kind of person I am. I helped you with something, but not out of being nice, I did it out of pity. Your worthless existence is so pitiful that my helping you just a little bit, might make your life worth living out, you could kill yourself, but you're too scared, so am I. So you don't, you just live on, and I make you live in Hell.
I compliment you, but I never mean it. In reality you're probably the ugliest person I've ever seen. I would never date you. I would never touch you, and for the love of God, don't let me be seen in your presence. You're disgusting, you smell. You're fat, and you're not even especially interesting to talk to, you have more problems than I own plates, and I own a lot. And no, I'm not your helpful little angel. If you have some problems, go deal with it yourself like a grown up.
Yes, I hate you mom, I would never say it, the same goes for you dad. I wish you would have just given me up for adoption, but apparently both of you are so utterly dumb, and have so many problems, that you figured having a second child would be a good idea, that way you can connect over me. Well no, I hope you fucking die. Which you almost did once, I said I cared, but in reality, I didn't give a shit. We both know where you're going anyway, same place I am.
People always think I'm nice, because I never let out how much of a hateful person I am. I could walk by a person and would wanna smack him or her in the face, I wanna literally break kids's necks, as I hate them so much, and I just want to kill so many people, but due to my really liking freedom, I would never act on this. Unless I knew I were to die soon. Might as well take some with me, most of the people wouldn't ever miss them, nor will they miss me if they knew who I really was.
This is but the top of the iceberg. And though I am giving literally every other person on the planet shit, I am still a realistic person, and I would never enter a relationship, or attempt to bring myself happiness. I have said no to multiple girls trying to enter a relationship with me, as I do not deserve happiness, I also hate girls, but at the same time I want to satisfy my needs with them. So there's that.
I don't deserve happiness, I will never pursue it, I don't want to experience happiness, and no one deserves me, for better or worse.
|
self.offmychest
|
I’m about to mess everything up And a part of me doesn’t care because it would give me more of a reason to kill myself. I’m drowning, and it’s only a matter of time before I’m dead.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
How did you get rid of your unhealthy coping mechanisms? My biggest numbing agent is food. Has been for years.
I really want to break this vicious circle SO BAD. I'm depressed mostly because I don't like how I look with my current weight, yet I continue eating because I'm depressed.
I'm really tempted to just replace it with another crutch, like smoking. But my boyfriend said to me multiple times that the smell of tobacco is a turn-off for him. So I'm left with weed, but I get the munchies when I'm high so that's counterproductive. Maybe harder drugs? Coffee? Tea? Anything? I dunno.
Getting a prescription for anti-depressants is a no-go. I can't afford them and insurance doesn't cover them either.
So if I'm really serious about getting rid of my depression without meds, I HAVE to find a HEALTHY coping mechanism. I NEED to, because I don't know how long I can take this anymore.
Any ideas would be much appreciated.
|
self.depression
|
Hopeless High School Senior As the title suggests, I'm a high school senior and I've been feeling really, really down lately. I got sick of pretending to be happy 24/7 so I stopped. But, I realized how miserable I truly am and I actually hate it.
The past four years have been garbage. I only have a handful of real friends. No one invites me to hang out or anything. People are still making fun of me in class, (if I ask a question or one of them tries to talk to me and I don't respond 'properly')
I just feel really alone in the midst of things. I've been eating a lot lately. I find that food helps me feel something, instead of this numbness. I'm trying really hard everyday to keep myself from breaking down into tears or another panic attack.
I feel like I'm just doomed to be miserable. All I want to do is sleep, eat, and lie on my bed. I just feel as if I can't do anything right and that I'm just a massive failure.
I'm going to see a therapist soon about anxiety. My parents claim that "I don't need a psychiatrist". How do I casually tell someone that I'm miserable and sad all the time?
To anyone who reads this, I"m really sorry that this post is all over the place. My mind kind of is. I'm not okay and I could use some help.
Thanks for reading this. enjoy the rest of your day.
|
self.depression
|
Why are we shamed to stay around for family's sake? I don't understand why remorse and guilt/confusion, not just the the loss itself, but from not reaching out to the person more, the hurt of wishing you could've done something, etc. make the victim selfish?
I mean, they're so low they're willing to commit suicide and give everything up just to get away from it but all that matters is YOUR sadness? I think that's selfish.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My roommate is diagnosed with depression, and I think it's spiraling. Hey guys. I'm a newcomer here, so I know that the huge post I'm about to dump on you is a little unfair, but I seriously need some direction and help with my current situation. Long story short, the girl that I am currently living with has depression and takes medication, but I can visually see things getting worse for her. I have struggled with depression and anxiety issues in my life, but they have been much different from her's, and I don't think I have the experience to help her. I posted the following in r/relationships, but it's an incredibly busy subreddit, and I only got one response. It was helpful, but I'd like a little more advice, especially from people who might be able to see things from her perspective. I'm about to dump a massive wall of text on you. I'm really sorry in advance. Thank you!
For context, my friends and I have attended a public college together for about two years and have become relatively close as a result. There’s me, M, Fae, a couple, and Morgan. We all live in a single suite which, if you don’t know, is basically an apartment. There’s one common living area, a bathroom, and three separate doors, each of which lead to a separate dorm room where two people live. I live with M, the couple lives with one another, and most relevant to this story, Morgan and Fae live together.
Right off of the bat, I had a feeling that Morgan and Fae would not work well together. Morgan is incredibly loud and boisterous, but Fae much prefers quiet and has a fear of loud noises – which Morgan makes a lot of. I figured that petty roommate drama was inevitable: slights about the door being slammed too hard, music being played too loud, the room being too messy on Morgan’s side, etc. What I didn’t expect was the depressive state that Morgan seems to be slipping into and taking out on all of us in the suite.
There were a few things we should have taken as signs. For starters, the state of Morgan’s side of the room is atrocious. I’m talking open boxes of food all over her desk, ten empty water bottles in the fridge, dirty laundry all over the floor, a bed whose sheets had been falling off for months that she never bothered to fix…I know what you’re thinking; “it’s college, college kids don’t clean their rooms”, but from what I could tell, this was a drastic departure from when I knew her last year. Her room was still a little messy, but not to this extreme degree. We also later learned that she had been skipping classes; most noticeably, her Psych 100 class, which was particularly strange as this was the major she had been planning to switch into (she has been a bio major for the last two years).
But major problems first became incredibly evident a few months ago when three of us planned to go to the city outside of our college. Our college is quite literally located in the middle of multiple cornfields, so as you can imagine, nightlife for us isn’t incredibly exciting. But there’s a somewhat major city just under an hour from us that we go to whenever we want to escape, and on that particular night, we decided to attend a trampoline park. It was about eight o’clock at night when myself, M, and Fae decided that this was our plan for the night. The couple had already gone out to a party, and Morgan had been in said city all day for a choir concert she was performing in. We had tried contacting her previously to see if she wanted to go out, but no response – we figured she was hanging out with the girls in her choir group or her mother, who had come to visit and hadn’t seen in a month or so. We waited for two hours, and no response. Because of the time that the park closed, we had to leave at the two-hour mark;
otherwise, we wouldn’t be able to go at all.
We felt bad about potentially leaving her, but it had been weeks since any of us had even seen the world outside of campus, and we knew from talking to her before that Morgan had some sort of afterparty lined up with the choir, so it seemed fine. She had multiple options to not be totally alone on that night (and frankly, she willingly spent a lot of her nights alone playing video games, so all around, it seemed like things would work out). If you’re wondering why we were walking on so many eggshells to avoid leaving her alone, it’s because we knew that she tended to overreact when we did fun things without her, which had been a problem over the course of the semester (it never seemed to matter if we had invited her to the fun thing and she just couldn’t make it, or if that “fun thing” was as simple as the three of us going to the dining hall for literally five minutes to grab food – anything we did together without her she seemed to take it as an insult). But we also weren’t going to stay home every night that she didn’t text us back, either, especially since we had given her two hours. Maybe there was blame on both sides for what happened next.
This was not recieved well. Morgan decided that she didn’t want to go to the afterparty, rushed through a dinner with her mom, and arrived back at our suite – after all of us had left. She was under the impression that we would be waiting for her there, despite us texting her multiple times that we had left beforehand and us getting nothing in return; she had apparently “misread” our texts. She then decided that we had made our choice to go to the park that night specifically because we “knew” that she wouldn’t be able to go, which she admitted to us later. This resulted in her refusing to talk to us for four days. She even ripped her name off of our front door. Morgan stayed in bed for an obscene amount of time for those four days, only leaving for class. The rest of the time, according to Fae, Morgan would stay under her sheets on her phone, and whenever Fae entered the room, she’d make a big show of throwing the covers over her head and pretending to be asleep. When she did leave the room, she’d glare at us every time she walked out, ignore anything we said, and would slam every door in the suite loudly. We had no room to ask her what was going on because she refused to speak to any of us. Eventually, after she snapped at Fae and said some cruel things about how we hated her and exclude her, we decided to get the RAs involved. We expressed fear for Morgan, and through them, learned that she had gone off of her medication for depression. Upon learning this, we finally managed to confront Morgan, had a conversation with her about everything that had happened, and everything seemed fine.
Mostly.
One thing was clear from the conversation, and that was that no matter what we did discuss, Morgan was deadset in her belief that we intentionally excluded her from activities. She kept referring to our freshman year, where me, M, and Fae all lived in the same dorm hall and Morgan lived in an entirely different building – according to her, we had grown closer to each other as a result. We kept telling her that we wouldn’t have asked her to live with us if we didn’t want to grow closer to her and spend time with her, but it just didn’t matter.
Morgan still seems to be upset at us, and it doesn’t seem as if she’s letting go of that upset anytime soon. If we don’t laugh at a joke she makes, no matter how happy things have been, she immediately gets very upset and makes a big deal out of it. She’s becoming a lot meaner towards us lately – for some small examples, she made fun of a minor accident Fae got into in a parking lot, and when Fae expressed hurt, Morgan tried to turn it around on her by saying things like “well, thanks for making me feel like shit”. She kept asking me really graphic questions about my sexual history in front of a girl that she definitely knew that I was interested in, even when I asked her to stop (something she’s done with Fae as well). She’s been making fun of M for having stomach hair. There’s more, but you get the general idea – they’re all about things that personally embarrass us, or at least, she believes should personally embarrass us. I have no idea if she even knows that she’s hurting our feelings when she makes these jokes, but it doesn’t really matter: no matter how politely you ask her to stop (“Hey Morgan, I would appreciate it if you’d stop making fun of my blank, it hurts my feelings”) her immediate response is to somehow blame you (mostly by saying things like “thanks for making me feel like shit!”). She’s getting noticeably more paranoid – I once left the suite to make a phone call and she wouldn’t speak to me for three days because she was convinced I was talking about her. She volleys between inviting herself to things constantly, even things like dates between M and her girlfriend, and refusing to come to anything. She still stays in her bed 90% of the time; so much so that her room stinks of concentrated body sweat from the time she’s spent under the heavy covers.
That tends to be the roughest part of all of this. I do legitimately feel bad for her, but I can't also help but feel incredibly upset at the way she's treated us.
As you can imagine, this is something that is wearing down everyone in the suite, but particularly Fae, who now only goes into her room if she has to and spends 90% of her suite time in our common room. We can’t talk to Morgan about our problems without it becoming some big problem that results in these three day no-contact, door-slamming journeys, and while I know that we will eventually have to address these issues, I know that when we do life for Fae is going to become a living hell. Going back to the RAs isn’t an option – they frankly don’t know what they’re doing and once told me flat-out that I didn’t “care enough” about Morgan; that was “why” she acted the way that she did. After all, shouldn’t I ~understand~ that she’s taking medication and that’s rough for her?
Her behavior and fits are only getting worse. Myself, M, and Morgan all take the same theatre class, and at the absolute last minute last week, she informed our professor through email that she would not be presenting the final project that she was supposed to that day due to an unspecified “emergency”. She then proceeded to disappear for forty-eight hours and did not respond to any texts or calls. After coming back, she then locked herself in her room for another forty-eight hours. We almost always had someone in the common room, and NONE of us ever saw her leave her room, no less hear her leave bed (the doors are pretty thin). And she didn’t have food in there, so she definitely didn’t eat. This is the longest she’s ever done that in one sitting. Fae claims that when she finally was able to “catch” Morgan’s attention today, who had been ignoring her (she had been faking going to sleep again and always had her earbuds in), Morgan gave her the nastiest look she’s ever seen, yelled “what do you want?!” and then immediately left. When Fae saw her in a dining area later, Morgan picked up her stuff, which she hadn’t even finished eating, threw it out, and left. This was all this morning, and we have not seen or heard from her since. Fae is convinced that she will stay out until the last possible minute in an effort to avoid us.
My question is, what the hell do we do? I know that something must be legitimately wrong with her, but she won’t talk to us, she acts like she hates us, and even when she is seemingly fine, she’s incredibly rude to us. Living with her is not fun for me, but I can tell that Fae is legitimately suffering. People have definitely had worse roommates, sure, but it’s absolutely miserable for my suitemates to examine our every action and question whether or not she’s going to take it as an offense, deal with her rude “jokes”, wonder if we approach her whether she’ll glare at us or literally slam a door in our face…it’s fucking exhausting. And Fae is already dealing with a lot of mental health issues on her end as it is. Having Morgan on top is seriously pushing her over the edge. And I’m extremely worried about Morgan – she’s checking off a lot of little red boxes for serious, underlying mental health issues. I don’t have an obligation to like what she’s doing to us, but shit, she must be suffering too, and I feel awful, even if she’s making me and my friends miserable. Our school is pretty generous with making arrangements for people who need to move out, but Fae doesn’t want to go, and if Morgan was to move out and be alone without anyone to even keep tabs on her…again, I know I’m not responsible for her, but I’m scared for her. Any suggestions? We've already contacted our Area Coordinator (an RA that runs the operation of multiple buildings) to see if he has any suggestions, and have considered contacting her mother. Anything else?
TL;DR: Our roommate has diagnosed depression and has been acting extremely erratic all year, often in ways that directly hurt herself and my roommates. What can we do to address it?
|
self.depression
|
I feel disappointed in the reaction to Louis CK I just feel so disappointed that all these people that condemned Weinstein and Ratner and Spacey, etc., are all the sudden backing down from condemning Louis. See, Weinstein, Ratner, and even Spacey, aren’t that relevant to our consumerism. Sure, they are big players in Hollywood, but they aren’t necessarily idols or affect what we choose to watch. Movies will go on without Weinstein and Ratner. Spacey, as excellent of an actor as he is and as much as he was respected, his relevance was waning. House of Cards is a great show but his character was probably going to be killed off soon anyway. At the end of the day, his career ending doesn’t affect many people and their decisions of what to watch and pay to see. But with Louis CK, he’s very relevant in the comedy world and is tied in with several successful projects. People don’t *want* Louis CK to be a sexual predator, therefore he isn’t in their eyes.
With Weinstein, we can “see” how he could be a rapist. He’s powerful, rich, fat, sweaty and unattractive. He fits a stereotype that has been created on what rapists and predators do or should look like. He’s also behind the scenes and not somebody we feel like we know and therefore love. Same with Ratner and many other directors/producers being accused. Louis CK on the other hand, doesn’t fit the mold we have created. Yeah, he’s rich and powerful and unattractive, but he’s *funny*. He makes jokes about this sort of thing, so he can’t possibly be in the wrong here. He makes us laugh and he’s an idol to so many, and arguably to more men than women. So, despite him admitting his guilt, the narrative has changed with him to either trivializing what happened to the women or placing blame on them.
“Who cares, he only masturbated in front of some women, it’s not like he raped them.”
“He admitted it and apologized, I think we can move on now.”
“This makes me afraid to even talk to women.”
“Well, they said they laughed it off when he asked if he could, so that was really vague on their part.”
“At least he asked first. I don’t see what the big deal is.”
This is the majority reaction I’ve seen on internet comments. Seriously? Everyone just threw down their pitchforks with Louis CK and gave him an out. They gave him a reason why it was okay. I’m sorry, did I miss something where it’s suddenly acceptable and not sexual harassment for a dude to wank it in front of you? Did I miss something where asking and then getting a vague response that is not a yes, somehow consent now? Are these people saying that if someone asked a girl if they could rape them, that if she gave a “vague” answer (ie: uncomfortably laughing because they think you must be joking instead of screaming “no”) he somehow isn’t responsible for knowing that rape is not okay? Let me tell you, when the threat of rape is on the table, when a man exposes himself or uses his power to intimidate you into a sexual situation you didn’t consent to, that *is* rape. The mental anguish this causes is astronomical. The shame that you didn’t do more, the uncertainty if what happened was really wrong or not. Rape is more than just forced penetration and violence, rape is the helpless feeling of being forced into a sexual situation you didn’t consent to.
So, in short, I’m so disappointed. As soon as someone was accused of, and then admitted to, sexual harassment that people didn’t want to believe did anything wrong, we went back in time 30 years and reverted to the “oh, it’s not so bad”, “the women should have been more clear that they didn’t want this”, mentality. It’s super disappointing and disturbing. I mean, I am shocked to hear about Takei, but, as much as I don’t want it to be true, I’m not going to victim blame or shame. Most likely it is true and several people can corroborate the victim’s story from over 30 years ago. So, as much as I loved Takei, I’m going to give the victim my support instead of saying it wasn’t a big deal or it was a long time ago, so we should just forget it.
Jesus, people. What is wrong with this world?
Edit: Just reworded a sentence to make it clearer what my intent was with the thought.
|
self.offmychest
|
I just need to vent I’m 26 years old. My life isn’t shit from the outside looking in. I have a decent job that pays well. I’m doing well for someone who hasn’t graduated college. I have a less then substantial social life, but I’m ok with that most of the time. I have a nice car, a roof over my head, and have what most would say is a ‘comfortable life’. However, every waking second for me is sheer torture. I hate myself, the way I look, the way I think, and the way I act. My families method of support is insulting you or bringing you down in hopes that it’ll push you to do better and it just makes me feel even more shit about myself. I have a mother who always looks for the negatives over the positives in a situation and is always looking for a reason to criticize me. My brothers are both arrogant pricks and think the world revolves them and take me and the world for granted. I was in 2 serious relationships the past few years. The first one ended up almost killing me. I loved the girl more then she loved me and more then I loved myself and by the end of the relationship I was so drained and hated myself more then a person should. I broke things off with her and never looked back and I’m still dealing with the way things ended because I can’t and don’t want to get closure. The second one was doomed from the start because of the previous relationship. Regardless though this girl claimed she was in love with me and put on the facade that I fell for until the day after we broke up when she fucked my best friend. Since then I can’t maintain a relationship due to trust issues and dealing with baggage from my first serious relationship and numb the pain from both with meaningless sex. I feel like my heart is a stone. Most of the time I lay awake at night wondering what I’m doing with myself and my life and whether I’m really worth anything in this world and trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Because I truly believe there is something wrong with me. I really hope there is someone that knows where I’m coming from or has dealt with something similar to any of this that can help me or give any advice because I feel like I’m on my last leg.
|
self.offmychest
|
told i was type 2 bipolar and then told i wasn't Hi, so this is my first post on here and it might be kind of long but I don't really know who else to ask. I've basically been depressed/dealt with depression and anxiety since middle school, but I started getting really bad my freshman year of high school and by junior year I had spiraled down so badly that my parents made me start seeing a therapist, who diagnosed me with bipolar type two and referred me to a psychologist where i was prescribed lamictal. I ended up only taking it for maybe six months and was up to I think 300mg a day when I stopped. Right after I started taking it I tried to kill myself and I also went from being able to sleep for 16 hours a day to not sleeping for days at a time and just being super up, and I also got prescribed a sleeping medicine that didn't really work either. It also gave me really bad headaches and gave me vertigo a few times. Due to that and the fact that my parents don't really "believe" in mental illness, I stopped taking it and stopped going to therapy just so I could stop fighting with my parents. Fast forward to now, I'm 19 and a sophomore in college and my mom is making me see a therapist again, a different one and she(the new therapist) said she doesn't think I'm depressed at all and I'm just dealing with "normal adolescent troubles". I thought that everything I deal with lined up with type two bipolar and that the right medicine would help a ton, but now I feel like I'm just making a big deal out of things and being dramatic. Any thoughts on what I should do?
|
self.bipolar
|
I Say Sorry Too Much Hi guys! I’m new here and I don’t plan on exposing much of my identity, but I’m in the end of my teen years. I have a boyfriend who I am with for the past 1 year and almost 4 months. We have a very healthy and happy relationship.
The problem is that I say “sorry” too much. Whenever I do something that he might not even care (he doesn’t get offended easily, it’s too hard to offend him) I have to say sorry and make sure that he is not mad at me even if I ask him and he says no.
What happened was that I was kinda stupid to him without meaning to (at least I thought I did) and I apologized to him and asked too many times if he was mad at me even if he already had answered that he wasn’t. So once I got home, I still wanted to apologize again, so I called him and after advising him to sleep a little (he is sick) and take some meds, I said “I’m sorry for what happened, I was kinda stupid”. And he said “What were you stupid about? Seriously whats your problem?”
All of this because of my anxiety and fear that he might break up with me because of something I did or said, or that he secretly gets mad at me. But this doesn’t happen only with him, but with my friends and family.
Also, one thing I noticed is that I ask for REASSURANCE A LOOOOOOT to my parents, friends, etc, it looks like they are tired to hear about my anxiety doubts.
Does anyone else here have the same problem with saying sorry?
|
self.Anxiety
|
A different sort of anxiety Last night I was feeling a bit feverish. I didn't want to go to bed because I just KNEW I would wake up sick. Partway through the night it hit me that if I went to sleep I would die. I don't know where this came from. I have no reason to believe this.
I ended up waking multiple times surprised I was alive every time. There was once I woke up and was still groggy/feverish and honestly thought I was dead.
I've never had this kind of anxiety. Can anyone else relate?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Is this my life now? So, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 this year and have been prescribed abilify 10mg for a month before my suicidal thoughts got too bad. Now I'm on latuda 60mg and I just don't feel good. Mostly I'm meh, but I still get depressed and irritable, but I'm jyst generally numb.
I'm also about to order medical marijuana on Monday. I have my card and jyst got my dose upped to low dose thc.
Is that the best I can hope for? I want to feel happy again and consistently.
I see my psychiatrist Wednesday, but just looking for some idea of what I can expect.
|
self.bipolar
|
Anyone else refuse to get close to people because you know what kind of terrible person you are? I've been so alone for years now, I refuse to ever speak to anyone now and mostly just play video games knowing well I'm just wasting my time. I've tried opening up to people I got along with this year and got pretty close but anytime something came up I always played the victim and once things get hard I always kinda vanish like the coward I am. I'm a terrible person who just burdened people due to my insecurities. I fully well know how terrible I am and figured being alone is just better for other people since I'm just a shit person. I'm doing things recently to better myself as a person but in the end I just arrive home and stay up late hating myself, I hate being alone but it's all I know. Months are passing like nothing again once I'm all alone and I'm growing tired of the same cycle everyday. I've had about 2 attempts on my life but I'm to scared to ever go through with it, I've accepted one day I'll gain the guts to do it and just off myself.
|
self.depression
|
I used to be one of the 'smart kids' [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Confused about types of therapists I already have a psychiatrist for another issue, and she has recommended therapy for my building anxiety/depression prior to trying meds, which I would like to do. But I'm so confused about all the licenses that fall under the "therapist" umbrella. Should I find a psychologist, clinical social worker, marriage/ family therapist, or does it not matter?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anyone else also cannot stop from comparing themselves to others? I'm just really tired of comparing myself to others. Though I know I shouldn't care too much about that, but I cannot stop myself from doing so. No matter how many achievements I got, just one thing goes wrong or knowing I'm not doing as good as others makes me feel so worthless and stupid and just want to give up...
Feeling really cannot get one thing done now... Anyone knows how to cope with this kind of feelings?
|
self.depression
|
5am and been crying nonstop since yesterday morning. The pain is too much I give up [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Struggling in my first job.. advice please! I (23,F) started working in my first job after Uni 7 months ago. It really is an amazing job, and I am so lucky to be able to work where I work, with these incredible people, and to make a difference. However, my anxiety is starting to become debilitating.
I have had anxiety since I was in school, which was only bought on by settings in which I couldn't leave - so meetings, lectures, classrooms etc. The problem is that my job is built around meetings. I rarely have one day without a meeting. This is making my anxiety more and more prominent to the point I am having panic attacks daily, and anxiety leading up to these meetings. I then leave work absolutely knackered, drained from adrenaline rushes all day. Today I had a very casual 20 minute meeting in which I thought my legs were so weak I couldn't stand anymore, I was sweating in a heavily air conditioned room, I couldn't concentrate and my heart was racing. This has become a norm for me.
I used to get this in lectures at uni, and after 3 years of persistance, I managed to get over the anxiety of this setting. I cannot give up another 3 years of my life trying conquer panic attacks at work because at Uni I could skip a day, but at work I cannot. It is getting to the point where I feel anxious outside of work, and I have never had this before. I am in the process of arranging to see a therapist, and have back-up anti-anxiety medication. I need advice for what to do in the meantime, because I feel like I want to just quit until I see a therapist and get my life back on track, but I can't do this as I have 3 more months on my contract.
tldr; Started a job which involves a lot of meetings and this is the main scenario which causes my panic attacks making each day almost impossible - seeking help.
|
self.Anxiety
|
school is ruining me; I dont know what to do. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I am so scared of picking a major because I am afraid of automation and robots. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Life experiences only make you stronger, but always help those in need [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why am I like this? I pretty much have no social life to speak of. I want friends (and have many acquaintances), but deep friendship alludes me. A group of women from work actually invited me on a girls’ weekend trip. But.....I turned them down. It’s a four hour drive one way and it’s for some sort of Olympic drinking event on a lake. I don’t drink and I get really anxious when I’m away from home. Most people could just go, but a four hour drive would take a long time for me to mentally prepare for. Because I don’t drink I feel pretty uncomfortable around drunk people, it triggers social anxiety in me. They seemed annoyed I said no and probably won’t invite me out anymore.
I hate anxiety.
|
self.Anxiety
|
For those of you who use an emotion tracker, how do you determine what's hypomanic vs. being hyper/on coffee? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Am I unlovable? F23 I've been single for the past five years and I don't wanna be the person who cries all the time but I feel like I have to get this out of my chest, I'm so lonely, and the frustrations just keeps on boiling in me, I've tried dating these past 5 years but all I get is rejections, and I question myself "what is wrong with me" I don't know what to do.
|
self.offmychest
|
Pea size bump on right side of neck, movable [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Have you ever gotten endorphin rushes you can feel when manic? I think I might be hypomanic right now and seriously just a good part of a song or even just randomly I'll get an endorphin rush that feels exactly like one I would get doing a high intensity workout.
Like I just looked at the sunset a few minutes ago and got one.
Is this a thing??
|
self.bipolar
|
I’m such a disappointment lol I take 15 credit hours (5 classes) a week and honestly I missed three classes last week and now I’m missing another today!! I’ve made it so far, moving across the country to my dream school and now I can’t find the motivation to get out of bed and go to my fucking classes. They’re not even hard– it’s art classes I’m missing. I’m guessing I’m just like every other depressed art student out there, huh? Mediocre and too lazy/unmotivated to do anything worthwhile. I had dreams of working for AAA gaming companies because I was jaded by my 4.0+ in highschool, and now I’m barely scraping by on a 2.88 and if I make below a 3.0 again I’m gonna lose my scholarship. I can’t even afford to be here and my parents are probably still disappointed in me for going to an expensive school. It’s not even expensive compared to the area... My dad said he’s at the limit on what he can help with. Honestly, I think they just don’t support me and haven’t since the beginning. I’m just a mistake to them, I shouldn’t even be alive. I wish I wasn’t alive. I want to die because I’m such a waste of time and energy but I can’t even find the motivation or will power to kill myself. I take antidepressants and they’re not helping, I go to counseling and all my counselor does is tell me how I’m worth it and my good qualities and tries and makes me cry and it’s just uncomfortable. I don’t want to do anything anymore. Why do I feel like I just want to lay in bed until I waste away? Why am I almost 19 and all I’ve ever known since I was 9 is depression and emptiness?
|
self.depression
|
I'm incredibly unhappy, but I don't want to hurt my family. I've been very, very unhappy for about a year, and I really don't want to carry on anymore. With that said, however, I'm aware of how much something like this will hurt my family, especially during this time of year. I guess I'm just looking for some advice. Thank you.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I am undesirable and unlovable and I don’t know why. I don’t see the point anymore and am wondering why I even exist. I know no one will read this so idk why I’m even here. I’m in debt. I lost my driver’s license. I was dating a great guy and he’s straight up ghosting me.
The thing is, every time I get into a relationship with a guy he ghosts me after the third or fourth date. I must be broken. No man will ever love me or want to be with me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why. I will never see my wedding day. I’ve wanted a wedding since I was 5 years old. I’m 30 now and it’s very clear that I will never get to have my special day.
I think it’s time to accept that God created me to be mediocre and miserable. I fail at everything. School, relationships, my health; everything.
I think it’s time to accept my fate and instead of waiting for death to take me, I will speed the process along.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Blank I don't know what to do with my life anymore.... I'm trying so hard to be happy again. I've had to deal with depression since my senior year of high school... but it feels worse now.... I feel broken inside from everything I've went thru. I want more in life tho honestly. I don't want to hurt anyone or myself .... I just don't know anymore....
|
self.depression
|
I am getting SO sick of myself. (school-related anxiety) So I've probably had anxiety my whole life, hiding under the depression, but the last few years (as I've gotten the depression more under control), it has REALLY reared its head.
I swear, the last year and a half has just been a roller coaster of anxiety. I'm finishing up my undergrad, in my last semester now, and for some reason, I have a TON of anxiety around writing. And I'm a good writer! I get great grades on papers!
I'm just SO TIRED of being tired from this battle all the time. Tired of not being able to do my homework because of... Whatever. And tired of having to try and explain it, when there isn't even an explanation. I am SO distractible, and not only is it affecting school, it's affecting work, too. I REALLY like this job, and I want to stay with the company, because I think they're great, but I feel like I can barely manage my time and keep track of what I'm supposed to do.
Thank goodness I only have two classes plus field experience, and am only working 30 hours/week, or I DEFINITELY wouldn't be able to cope. I've already increased my meds by 50%, doing everything I can to manage my symptoms, but goddamnit, it is exhausting. How do you go about getting a break from your own stupid, irrational brain??
|
self.Anxiety
|
Nobody is Ever Going to Love Me So my whole life I've had rotten luck getting girls I've asked people out probably about 5 times 3 said they'd go out with me but never showed. I just met this girl at work and asked her out and she said she would I thought 2018 would be the start of a great relationship and I would finally stop being so lonely. She's a few years older then me and in college across the state so she went to party on New Years. And she posted on her Snapchat "new year who dis😉"with another guy holding her. We planed to go on a date sometime this week. Like I get it we live too far away but I can't seem to reason why nobody FUCKING gives a shit about me. I'm not mad a her I'm mad at myself. I've never felt love from anyone but my parents and now I'm 18 no dating experience and I feel trapped and alone forever. Is it because I'm short 5'6", too shy and awkward, or maybe my face is just retarded looking? What should I do?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Cried at the gun range Literally just leaving the firing range. It was my first time there. My husband purchased a small firearm for self defense purposes because he started a mobile tech service company and we both agreed we needed to learn how to safely operate it. He taught me how to load it, use the safety and how to reset the firing pin. All the basic stuff.
Then we went to a local firing range to learn how to fire it and see what it feels like in my hands. He’d already gone last night and explained the procedures. We get there, got earplugs, a target and watched a quick video on what and what not to do there.
We got set up at our station during a ceasefire. When they gave the go ahead - WOW! It got loud! Even with earplugs. It was very unnerving. I did my best to remember all the rules and be as safe as possible but a few times my husband had to remind me not to point my gun sideways and only keep the barrel facing towards the range.
I could feel my anxiety just shooting through the roof trying to remember all the safety precautions and rules and then when I started firing and it was recoiling in my hands I kind of freaked out. I fired through two clips and then we sat down and as he started refilling them my eyes started welling up and the tears began to flow.
I was so embarrassed which only makes me want to cry more because my tears are all stress fueled. I feel stress I cry, I get embarrassed, feel more stressed and cry even more, I try to stop crying and feel even more stress holding it all back and it just perpetuates itself.
Hubby was sweet and could tell I was very upset and asked if I wanted to go. I nodded. He finished up, waited for the next ceasefire, packed up and we left.
I’m glad I did it. So I’ll know how to use the gun if I ever have to and now I also know that shooting guns really ain’t for me.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Social anxiety and asking for Letter of Recommendation I emailed a professor that I had three years ago about writing a letter of rec, but he never responded, so now I have to go ask in person. I'm so anxious about having to ask in person, especially because I have no idea what to say and I don't know if he'll remember me right away.
Does anyone have a verbal script they use when asking for a letter of recommendation in person? I'd really appreciate any ideas!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Life is suffering and I don't want to continue I am 24 yo and practically nowhere in my life - I had to take a break from university for 1 year because depression wouldn't let me concentrate, then I hade to take another year becaue I had an accident that destroyed my knee to the point that I will have problems with it if I will live old enough. Earlier I had to repeat one year because I was drawn into drugs. I am virgin, I am not only shy but also I am not well endowed and little guy also bears scars from phimosis surgery, I am too stressed to even talk to women - now I am crying even going into the internet and reading what women think about people like me - that we are failures; maybe they are right. I am also fat which wouldn't be that much of a problem if not aforementioned thing. I live with my parents and because of this leg I can't even get a job - so I am 24 yo unemployed virgin living with parents without education who is also not attractive physically. I think there is no sense in even continuing it anymore, every day all I feel is despise for myself - how much I hate myself - shame before normal people that achieved something and wondering why I was ever born. Those might be my last words, I just wanted it to be known.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My ex gf/ roommate attempted suicide last night This was the third time, the second time with me around to stop her.
According to her, the first time she was out of town and walked to a bridge and was intercepted by police and escorted back to the hotel.
The second time, she was depressed and kept asking me for sex but I wanted to respect our boundaries. It wasn't just this that caused it.
Last night I was on my way home from work and got a long voicemail of her crying. I rushed home to find her in the bathroom cutting and she set up a de facto hanging in the kitchen. We agreed that she needs help so we went to psych er and tried to admit her. They did a breathalyzer and she blew
.23 and was not admitted. I drove around with her for a while until she passed out in the car, trying to stall until she was sober and could be admitted. She refused to go back after they didn't want to help her.
I've secured all the rope, pills, sharp objects and knobs to the gas stove and am hoping she will agree to go back in the morning.
Now some back story.
We've known each other for about 10 years in an on/off relationship. She's experimenting with females and I fully support her being happy. Over everything she is my friend.
Her mother recently found out that she is gay and pretty much disowned her. She's hispanic and I feel she thinks she's going to lose her family. Her mother lashes out (she's a complete narcissist) and this was the cause of the last two attempts.
I don't know what to do at this point, she is a part of my life and I do not get emotional but the extent that she went to pushed me over the edge and I cried the entire time she slept. She's been napping but is now up and about. It's been eight hours.
I need help
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
This is getting old, isn’t it? Ever ask yourself that on a daily basis? I think I do a good 10 times a day.
What a waste of a person. Time and general space,
Sorry
|
self.depression
|
Recently single due to my depression and i don’t know how to feel. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
My dad almost killed himself. What do I do? [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Our New Post: The Happiness & Our Conceptions: What We Actually Want? https://pthinki.blogspot.com/2018/01/The-Happiness-Our-Conceptions-What-We-Actually-Want.html
#Positive #PositiveMentalAttitude #Positivethinking #PositiveThoughts #Happiness
|
self.Anxiety
|
once again, my anxiety deters my "friends" Found out today that the core group my husband and I usually hang out with (2other couples) made plans to hang out without us (totally acceptable - don't expect to be there all the time) but... the purposefully lied about it and made other excuses of why they weren't available when were reached out about hanging out. Did some digging.... Found out that they don't like my different moods and quietness I sometimes sink into. I've shared my struggles with anxiety and depression with them, and I thought they were sympathetic and understood. Guess not. How do grown adults feel it is ok to lie? And now I'm the one to blame because I got upset over the whole situation. No blame on the ones lieing! Guess I'll take my xanax and go to bed for the day. It's what I do best anyway
|
self.Anxiety
|
Everything in my life is starting to come to a close. My neglect for my body is starting to show. I am starting to show signs of type 2 diabetes, my relationship with my family is has taken a turn for the worse, and I feel as if I'm at the end of my rope career-wise, wondering just what the fuck have I gotten myself into. It seems as if everything is going to fall apart within the next year, like there's a hill in life that I cannot climb over.
All I have are my wife and ice hockey. I am drawn to ice hockey because it is something where I feel as if I have barely grasped the surface of. In front of me I see a deep rabbit hole of learning, experiences, and potential friends ahead of me. So I have been binging on it for the past couple of months.
I'm medicated on Venlafaxine. It's the best medicine I have ever taken. However, when I tried to quit the withdrawal is violent. My wife loves me more when I'm on it and quite frankly I love myself more.
Don't even know what in the hell this post is for. I just want to talk to somebody.
|
self.depression
|
Fear of going blind So I’m almost 25 with terrible eyesight ( < -6.00 prescription) and astigmatism. I’ve had glasses since 3rd grade and my eyes get worse year after year, and it makes me sad to realize I will probably go blind one day. The docs say my eyes will eventually plateau, but I already notice my vision has gotten worse again, and I got my new prescription in August. It just makes me sad and I wanted to get this off my chest. Anyone else dealing with problems with vision at a young age?
|
self.depression
|
Ive been feeling both really tired, but also feel very hyper! Hyper in thoughts, if that makes sense. Ive done nothing today but be in bed tired Anyone have any tips on stopping racing thoughts when trying to sleep
|
self.Anxiety
|
My husband started a new job today...I'm feeling lots of anxiety about it [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
My path of self destruction has sprouted thoughts to kill myself [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
[NAW] Career ending before it begins (re-submit) So I'm from Massachusetts. I've been a police officer for the last three years working both for towns and colleges. In Massachusetts there are several different police academies: full-time, reserve/ intermittent (part-time), state police, and state special (basically an in-between of the full-time and reserve/ intermittent only used by colleges/ universities because it is longer than a reserve/ intermittent academy, but not long enough to be considered a full-time academy and thus traps the people who graduate from that academy to stay at colleges and universities).
I had graduated from the part-time academy and with that certification been working as a police officer. I was sponsored by my home town with the word of chief saying that I would be hired following graduation and the week before graduation the chief tells me he only sponsored me with no promise of employment upon graduation. When I took that one on the chin and proceeded to apply to every town that would accept a part-time application. I ended up working as a seasonal police officer in a small, but very busy summer town due to the state beach. Following my tenure with that town, I began working at a very small, private, Catholic college where a friend from the academy was working and was able to get me hired.
I worked there and honestly couldn't stand it. It was more of a campus security position going around and locking and unlocking buildings on campus. However, on the occasion where an incident would happen on campus we were not allowed to pursue it beyond a report that was submitted to the chief and would call the resident life staff and have it squashed without further incident to protect the school. Then after biding my time for a few months there, I got the call from my home town police department, the department that sponsored me through the part-time academy, they wanted to hire me.
I was over-joyed. Then for the next month or so of going back and forth of the psych evals and other requirements I began the field training program. I completed the training program and began working shifts and details absolutely raking in money. Along with the great pay, I was living my dream of wanting to become a police officer, wanting to make it to the next step of going to the full-time academy and graduating to work in my home town with no intentions of ever leaving.
While my home town is not a very big one, we had more than our fair share of issues. I was involved in huge drug busts, making as many arrests as I could, helping the honor guard at their events, helping the detectives and community policing units with outreach programs, generally trying to show everyone I wanted to be there and wanted to succeed.
Then after being there for a little under a year, my opportunity came. I was hired to attend the full-time police academy. 25 weeks of training and misery and bull shit. Thats all that stood in my way of a 30-40 year career. Potential for growth and development in any direction and area of training I could ever want. So myself and another recruit as we were called were getting ready. We had grown up together, had worked together, be there for each other through some of our darkest, most stressful times while working part-time.
His shift had been involved in an officer-involved shooting where they were called to a residence for a report of an assault in progress and the male party ended up firing upon them. I had been involved in breaking and entering call where I ended up having to order the suspect out at gun point. This was the first and only time I have ever had to draw my service weapon and potentially take someone's life. In the moment it didn't bother me with the adrenaline dump going on and my training kicking in, however afterwards the realization hit me and it was a come to god moment where I realized, that wasn't a paper target 10 yards away with a dirt back stop, that's a person.
So I am also a larger guy, always been bigger and stronger, build for comfort not for speed. A big part of the police academy is running and PT every day. I knew that I would struggle with it going in and decided to try one of those couch to 5 mile programs at the urging of my chief and one of my sergeants. Along with trying to just get used to running the distances, I was trying to push myself to run faster, faster mile and a half times for the testing I knew would happen in the academy.
I ended up developing shin splints. The absolute worst pain I have ever imagined. I could barely walk. We would have PT in the morning and then would have to walk in formation and run in boots for the rest of the day at the academy, never allowing myself time to rest and recover.
The full-time academy is anywhere from 23-26 weeks depending on which academy you go to, but according to the training committee there is not fluctuation and they are are allegedly consistent. My academy was 25 weeks, with week 25 being 2 days, 1 as graduation practice and pictures and the second day being graduation itself.
I ended up hospitalized twice while in the academy, once of what they thoughts were ulcers, come to find out it was a tear where my esophagus meets the stomach, and the second time because I thought I was having a heart attack, they later diagnosed me with asthma and stated that the chest pain was from my lungs constricting.
I ended up being separated, or kicked out, from the academy at week 23 essentially the week before graduation for failing too many runs. This last run coming just two days after my second hospitalization and I was over the max time allotment by 15 seconds. 15 seconds destroyed a 30 year career.
All of the runs were timed and if you did not make the distance run in the maximum allowed time it was considered a failure and once you failed 30% of the total PT days, you receive a separation. While I knew I would struggle with the running, I was told by everyone who had already graduated to never give up, to always push forward because the instructors would rather see someone who is willing to never give up than someone who would roll over and give up.
Unfortunately, how wrong they were. So with a week until graduation I was thrown out. I was ranked number 2 academically, one of the two top shots from range week, and one of the top performers in the hands-on, practical skill portions. In Massachusetts, when you receive a non-disciplinary separation from the full-time academy it is not appealable. I could have gone all the way to the end and fought another recruit or instructor, any other number of disciplinary infractions that could result in a separation and I could appealed the separation and potentially won.
I was subsequently terminated from my position at the department I had given to so much time and effort. I had signed a contract stating that among other things, I would graduate from the academy and stay there for a minimum of 5 years. My dream crushed. I was also unable to return to my part-time position because I had given it up in order to go full-time and it had since been filled.
I ended up going to a very dark place. For the 23 weeks up until that point I had drank, maybe 10 beers total, that week I made up for all that lost time. I confessed to my girlfriend that I had been thinking about suicide and that I wasn't sure if I could or would go through with it. Concerned for me she went to my parents and my dad confronted me. He ended up taking all of my personal firearms and locking them in his gun locker.
This was also the week before my birthday. I have since not been able to find a job to replace the one I had lost and that is creating untold strains on both my family life an my relationship with my girlfriend. I'm not really looking for advice because of my stubbornness and still being bitter about what had happened.
At all the interviews I have been on, most of the panels cannot believe that they would separate me so late in the academy and don't believe that the only reason for my separation was the running. In all honesty it is almost unheard of to bounce a recruit out the week before graduation and from what I've been told, most of the other academies throughout the state will listen when a chief requests that a recruit not be separated especially that late, however my academy's director dug her heels in a refused.
I'm honestly not one to discuss things like this openly and especially with a bunch of strangers, but this is the first time that I've sat down and wrote what happened down and what has happened to me. As I sit here I know I'm leaving out a lot of other little details of things that happened and things that were said, but I'm not going to sit here and try to complain or martyr myself. I'm also really just too tired, both mentally and physically to go back and add everything and go in deeper.
Thank you for the people who have sat here and read this epic that I've sat here and honestly probably committed too much time into writing, and I'm honestly surprised i didn't delete it and abandon it halfway through. I know not many people here can be pro-law enforcement, but I do truly appreciate it if you did read this.
My name is Dave and that's what I had to get off my chest.
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm shit I mean it. I've been living in my own perverse delusional world. I've hurt others with little to no shame. I've hurt myself. I'm a cunt and I'm through with it.
|
self.depression
|
I could have been...
I could have been a lawyer and maybe a doctor but I don't give a fuck about helping people if all they do is hurt me.
Nobody will ever see.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
It absolutely kills me that my friends and former high school peers are more successful than I am It eats away at me everyday.
I pretend not to care. Most of the time I don't, but when I hear about somebody being successful I become kind of jealous and down about myself. I do not want them to be unsuccessful. It's more of a reflection of me.
I couldn't ask to be in a more horrible scenario. I work part time retail and I'm finishing my 2nd year of college at 25 years old. I have a girlfriend who is very supportive and loving, but my friends have slowly been dwindling. I had a group of about 8 friends, now it's down to 4. I lack motivation and I'm dealing with chronic pain.
All my life I've just wanted to have a relationship, a decent paying job and a house. Nothing fancy. In my teens and early 20s I went through a lot and didn't go to college. I also made a lot of stupid mistakes, now I'm way behind my peers.
A couple of my friends are now nurses and engineers. An old co-worker just became a police officer and one is now a captain in the army. I know people in medical school and law school and here I am...
I shouldn't compare myself to others.. But I was always a smart kid. Depression and anxiety just crushed me and now I'm struggling to get back.
|
self.depression
|
Social anxiety and dancing So...social anxiety in itself can be completely crippling for me, but if I’m out somewhere and people are dancing and they try to pull me onto the dance floor, I become completely rigid and start to panic. I wish I could be one of those happy and free people who love to dance but I always feel like an awkward downer that is no fun and negative and boring. I wish so much that I could free myself with dancing but it takes so much. If I was somewhere that was dark and played music that I really enjoyed it would maybe make me more likely to at least move a little- but usually places with really shitty music makes it so awkward and I feel like clamming up because the music makes me feel so embarrassed. I wish I could just let go and have fun. I don’t drink ever and especially can’t now because I’m on meds- but I don’t know- I wish I was just able to be so happy and carefree and free in general but it seems like its just not in my makeup most of the time. Can anyone relate? What would you guys do? How could I be a more happy and free person effortlessly?
|
self.Anxiety
|
How my life went I was eating dinner then i ranout of water so i filled the cup and then walked back to the table, then drank the water and ... IT WAS EMPTY AGAIN!!
|
self.offmychest
|
Had an emotional blank out So a little background.
I was diagnosed with severe depression when I was 19. Looking back I suffered from depression throughout my teenage years. I have had good times and bad over the years and it wasn’t until I accepted myself for being gay (at age 25) that I was able to make some progress towards being mentally healthy. Now at 28 I am in a healthy relationship and we have just passed 1 year.
Recently I have been under immense stress. My apartment is being remodeled and I’ve been staying with friends and family for over a month now. One month estimate is now looking at two. So I’m really frustrated and stressed about it. I work two jobs so I usually get about 5-6 hours of sleep a night during the week. My main job has been stressful as we merged with another company back in August. I just came out to my entire company (white collar) at our Christmas party when I brought my partner. We also had a coworker suddenly pass away and I worked closely with her. This past Thursday I had a severe anxiety attack at work and had to go to urgent care.
I am visiting his parents this Christmas. We are staying at their house in separate rooms and I just found out the entire family will be there. Everyone but his dad is accepting of his sexuality. His dad hasn’t ever said anything negative but goes by the don’t ask don’t tell thought process. I am the first guy he’s ever brought him.
I have had some serious health problems the last year and it has felt like it’s never ending. Took almost a year to be diagnosed but I was put on some heavy doses of antibiotics. The heavy antibiotics cause some other medical issues and now I’m dealing with that. I know that I’ll be fine in a week or so but it’s still stressful and frustrating. Also when I had gone to the doctor I had a serious scare when back in December 2016 a nurse dictated a message from Health department wrong and put that I was HIV positive in my chart (I am HIV negative). County health actually said my results were inconclusive. I was retested and everything was fine.
All of this in the last month.
So yesterday I was supposed to get the keys to my apartment but surprise surprise it wasn’t ready. Landlord pushed back another week. Had to talk to family and it was stressful. My partner was with me during all of this. At this point I’m doing everything not to break down. We are on our way to dinner and he’s being distant. I ask what’s wrong and he says he’s frustrated with me because he feels like I’m not open to moving anywhere else. Complete opposite of what I 1 need from him right now and 2 how I feel. I have looked at SEVERAL places over the last two months and right now this is the BEST option I have. It’s in my budget, safe area, and close to work.
I understand what he’s saying but when he said that I felt betrayed. Like I’m working so hard and I don’t slack on anything. To have someone I trust so much feel like I’m not trying hard enough hurt A LOT! I completely blank out. I was a zombie throughout dinner. I just zoned. I couldn’t think I just blanked. My heart rate (looking back) was 132 for over an hour but I felt nothing.
Took another hour to get my heart rate under 100. My instinct was to run. I wanted to run and hide. It’s been YEARS since I’ve felt that way. Now I have severe emotional backlash. My head feels horrible. Emotions are raw. I still feel like hiding but it’s more manageable.
Does anyone know what the blank out was? Has anyone experienced this before? Any suggestions on how to explain what happened to me to my partner? Any helpful suggestions period would be appreciated.
|
self.depression
|
Some shitty rant. I felt like I needed to get this off my chest for a while, I really can't talk about this with my friends because they wouldn't care, and I just want someone else than my family to know I existed. I've been suffering from severe depression for about 3 years, but my memory isn't that reliable anymore, it's getting easier now that I've been forgetting past trauma, at the expense of my academic success. Now I can't even cry anymore. Getting a gf is basically fucking impossible, ugly face is always an immediate turnoff, I can't find anyone to relate to anyways. Now that I think of it, everyone else than my family won't care if I die, as a matter of fact, I really think some people will enjoy the fact that I'm dead. Also a thank you to brendan, it was a good try, but I'm probably too far gone anyways to get someone to love me, just ignore my death, I'm sure the rest of the group won't care.
|
self.depression
|
What's the point in life anyway? They tell you that it's happiness, but they never really say what happiness is. It's just a silly concept of a perfect life that doesn't really exist. If there's one thing I learned in life it's that it fucking sucks. Nothing ever happens as you wanted it to, and even in the rare occasion that it does, it's never as good as you hoped it would be. Everyone keeps telling me that school and college is the best period of life, but school sucked and I can't imagine college being any different. If it really just gets worse, then why just not die young anyways? Why not just do drugs non-stop until you overdose or live a hedonistic life and die young, without enduring another moment of pain? I can't really think of a more "happy" life in this shitty world.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Despite having a lovely gf, I think about one night hookups with other women. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
When you want to crush your Heart. I'm having this felling right now. I had a great day, went to the beach with my old friends, had fun and all. I thought that bad shit will stop flowing in my head, and it it, just for a moment. Felt the water, sand and little rocks down my feet. But then again, I just needed this "I better not talk tou you" from a person , which i am vert fondly, started getting this akwars thing in my chest and I just want to crush my heart or at least cease the felling. I.. no longer know if a can do it, to get a better grip on life and let flow those bad moments.
|
self.depression
|
Anyone got a link to a pdf of ...or Not to Be : A Collection of Suicide Notes? Would really appreciate it. Thank you
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like I'm overmedicated I just saw the pdoc today, and he upped and added another med to my regimen. So now I'll be taking 300mg Lamictal, 900mg Lithium, 6mg Vraylar, 50mg Trazodone, 0.5mg Klonopin, 50mg Seroquel, aaand Propranolol. And those are just my psych meds.
Is that a lot? It feels like a lot. I don't like the idea of taking more medications than I really need. This pdoc I saw seemed really pushy about meds.
|
self.bipolar
|
I confessed my love and now I have to move on [removed]
|
self.offmychest
|
Every morning I wake up and immediately think of killing myself [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Sick of my uncle ruining his life and refusing help. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
What do you do for comfort? Feeling kind of down today (not the soul-crushing depression we all know, just a low energy & mood associated with changing SSRIs) and so I’m just drinking a cup of coffee, hanging with my SO and cats, and rereading Harry Potter.
This is as much as I can do to stay awake.
What do you do that gives you some comfort when you’re a bit low?
|
self.bipolar
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.