text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
Help with heart palpitations I was recently prescribed antibiotics for a tooth infection and had to stop taking them because they made me throw up, and caused my heart to race. I was dealing with anxiety before this, and was actually feeling a lot better, but now it feels like I'm back at square one.
I've had bad heart palpitations all night, I feel relaxed, but haven't slept for 18 hours because my heart won't stop racing. Any ideas on how to help? It feels like there's too much adrenaline in my system.
|
self.Anxiety
|
What are your holiday season survival tricks? It's that time of year again...
Everyone is going to be filled with cheer and what not, meanwhile I have to pretend to laugh and be happy and whatever.
So what are your top tactics for making it through the season successfully?
Mine: get involved in the holiday baking. For some reason pouring my self-hate into batter makes the cookies, cakes, etc better and then I get validation from my family because it tastes good.
|
self.depression
|
I just reapplied to university! I finally got around to reapplying, I've been having a good and productive day so I got it done! I'm excited to see where this takes me as I really do like the program.
|
self.bipolar
|
blah i hope i start tapering zoloft today i hate feeling like a zombie for 1.5 years
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm going to end my life very soon. I don't know why I try. If you knew me you cannot say I didn't warn you
If you are reading this and you know me I'm not sorry for leaving
I don't care if I'm selfish
I'm dead
I'm doing this for me
I need to die
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Ugh why is sleep so hard to obtain! So another day and night no sleeping took lunesta but it didn't help just made me feel irritated. The room is pitch black I leave my phone in the kitchen tablets in the kitchen. Alarm clock covered and faced away I just can't relax thoughts race and intrusive commanding thoughts just won't stop. Anyone want to talk? Feel free to PM me or respond here
|
self.bipolar
|
Rapid Cycling? Hi, I've been having a hard time since I started on lithium with what I think might be some sort of rapid cycling.
Before I got on lithium, I would have 1-3 months of deep depression and then 2 weeks-3weeks of hypomania (I'm type 2). After I got lithium, those long cycles started disappearing and I started having what I feel like are a different kind of bipolar symptoms. When I was hypomanic before, I was more just self-confident and happy, and now I talk way too fast, I feel like I move fast than reality (this leads to dropping a lot of stuff), and I'm more impulsive but not extremely.
Now, I usually have a couple days of depression that quickly turns into this hypomania.
When I talked to my psychiatrist, he told me that it might have to do with it being spring, and people being more manic in spring.
I just wanted to see if other people have similar experiences with this kind of quick change!
|
self.bipolar
|
It's been a rough year I've been to treatment twice this year. This last time, I made it 60 days then I relapsed. I stayed sober for a few weeks then relapsed again this past week. I cannot afford to continue the therapy I was attending and my medication for anxiety, depression and ADHD and my parents have had enough and cut me off (they have every right to, I'm 28 for christ's sake). I do not have a job right now and I'm relying on my boyfriend for financial support who is sick of my shit too. He doesn't love me in a romantic way anymore and seems to be just waiting for me to have a little cushion so I can find a place to go. I was supposed to start a job at a very well-known and shitty chain restaurant yesterday and I was so excited. I was shaking and nervous but at least this was a start right? My own money, some freedom, some hope. I was asked to be in uniform and provide two forms of id and of course, I couldn't find my social or birth certificate anywhere. I was in a total panic but I went anyway, all dressed up and ready to go, hoping that my drivers license would be sufficient for now and I would provide my second form of id as soon as possible. They fucking sent me home. I fought back tears as they told me to come back in a week with id and they would see if they could fit me in. This tiny chance was so important to me and I blew it. I promptly drove to the liquor store and bought the cheapest pint of whiskey I could find, spending literally the last dime I had and proceeded to go home and drink it under the covers. I'm going to the social security office tomorrow to apply for a new card and try again and will continue to apply anywhere that's hiring, because I have to, because I shouldn't give up. Right? I know people have it worse, I'm reminded by my family of that whenever they get a chance, I know in some aspects I'm fortunate. But I'm tired. And I'm weak and I'm stupid. I'm so tired of feeling sick and sad and unable to get out of bed. I'm so fucking tired. Is it so wrong to want to give up? Is it so wrong to gracefully bow out? I'm a burden to my family and boyfriend but mostly myself. And I want out. I have a plan and the supplies, I just need the balls to do it. I'm pathetic and a child and I'm scared but I've run out of hope. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want to feel anymore.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't really matter to other people's lives. I've always been observant. A bit too observant, in fact. That's because I pay attention to the smallest of things. How people's faces change depending in the stories you tell them, the face of disinterest when they don't really like the topic, things like that. I know people a bit too much too, since I pay attention to their mannerisms and such. Hence, I can more or less tell what people are thinking. It may sound a bit creepy, but that's just the way I am.
I've always hated this traits of mine though. *What you don't know won't hurt you.* But I can't help but notice when people don't really want to listen to things I'm very gleeful about, things I want to share with other people. I can also notice when people think I'm being a burden, such as when my significant tells me she's there for me, but the fact is she's bothered with me sharing my problems to her and she's nearly had enough.
I think we're all guilty of one sin, and this is lying to make people better. I wouldn't blame anyone who commits this sin though; it's what should be done anyways. Like, who the fuck would tell a suicidal person "Shut the fuck up. I don't want to listen!" when he's on the verge opf suicide? Only a malevolent person would.
The problem with me is I know when people tell me these lies. I wish I don't. I wish I don't notice the difference between what people say and actually do. I wish I don't notice that my "bestfriend" acts apathetic when I tell her my problems, but tells me "I care for you and I'm here for you" nonetheless. I wish I can believe my girlfriend when she tells me she loves me and that she'll never get tired of me.
I wish I can fool myself the way they want to fool me. I wish I can feel this fake sense of worth they're trying to give me, even though it's just a sense of obligation.
I wish I can't see through their lies, but painfully so, I can
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What's a good thing to watch on Netflix/Hulu if you're kinda cycling through a depressed mood? I have an appointment with my psychiatrist Wednesday, so I'll be talking to him about it because I've been kinda depressed and hypomanic. However, I do need something that's good to watch in this mood.
|
self.bipolar
|
Pretty sure Im going to kill myself tonight. Or probably not because the only reason Im posting here is for help so I guess that means I don't want to. I'm trying not to smoke weed anymore but it is the only thing that provides a relief to the crushing anxiety.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
The future seems hopeless, I really dislike myself, and nothing seems to be getting better. I'm really starting to hate life. I'll be graduating college soon with a Bachelor's in sociology, and it seems like as soon as I walk the stage, my life will essentially be over. During the holidays when I visited my family, they all asked what I plan to do after a graduate. I die a little more inside every time I hear this. I have no plans after graduation. I've been told that my calling will find me, it just takes time. It has not found me, and I'm losing hope that it ever will every day. It has gotten to the point that every time I get my hopes up for something, such as moving out or trying something new, something always comes up and it ends up being a failure. Now, I find myself hating the fact that I had any hope at all. I'm even starting to hate the word hope and all it stands for, because every time I have any, it lets me down so frequently.
I have an amazing support group. My parents are awesome people that have been supporting me since day one to now. If I needed anything at all, they've had my back. I am forever grateful for this. I also have a great girlfriend who also supports me just as much as my parents do. I work 2 jobs where I enjoy myself, though they are not careers. I have great friends as well. Despite all of this, I still don't like myself or my life. I can never shake the feeling of not being worthy of such a great support group and that I don't deserve to feel the way I do because of what I have. This feeling is compounded by the fact that many of my friends come from worse places than I do and don't always have the same support as me.
Once I turn 23 and I graduate, I see nothing but an empty void. Much like this account, I feel my life is a throwaway. I sometimes catch myself wishing I had never existed in the first place. I am not suicidal though, as I know that the damage from doing that would hurt A LOT of people. I don't know what to do anymore. The closer I get to graduating, the greater the dread I feel. I know I can take steps to change that, but I don't know if I can bring myself to do it. Setting up appointments with career counselors and following through with them seems like so much work, even though I know first hand that it's not. I get in my own way. It feels like the utter misery I feel is somehow what I deserve for existing in the first place. I want to help myself, but I tell myself no most of the time because fuck me.
Is there anyone out there that feels similar to me? Does anyone know what to do here? I could use all the advice I can get...
|
self.depression
|
Why do my parents hate me? I need help. My dad hates me, and my mom is missing(All you need to know about her). My dad constantly lectures me every time I even look at him. Here's a few examples of his behavior:
1. He says I will lose everything if I don't bring my grade in English up. I struggle with English and the school put me in a normal class, but the teacher is mainly AP and senior English so of course her standards will translate down to the mere 10th grade English. My other classes are fine and dandy but he doesn't praise me for them, only lectures me about English. He says I'm pathetic for failing.
2. I used to hang out with a best friend of mine, let's call him Zach. I visited his house every so often to play games on his PC(I have a crappy one which can't even run flash games ffs, so his computer was something I awed at.) but after the 4th time or so he started assuming we were having sex for no visible reason other than adult stupidity. I stopped visiting him after that, but we're still friends.
3. I used to have a mentally abusive stepmom who took everything away from me, just like he threatens to do.
4. He doesn't care about illness about me. I have the flu or a cold right now and he doesn't even bother to help.
5. He never takes it seriously when I want to die, and I mean NEVER.
6. He favors my brother a lot. I have a laptop and an XB1, about 800 dollars. He gives my brother a few thousand dollars worth of a PC and other accessories to go along with it. Of course it isn't fair but his head thinks it is, obviously.
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm just building myself up for suicide Or tearing myself down, rather. Haven't washes my clothes or bathed properly for two weeks. Still haven't tried to work. Ignoring my future because I don't want to be here. Ignoring debts. Cultivating a burning hate for social interraction, other people, and myself. Smoking a j a day. Subsisting on coffee, water, and junk food. Staying in bed all day. Not giving a single thought to others because I just don't care about other people. Never have. I'm beyond rock bottom. I should be out on the streets, but don't worry I'm getting there. I don't want to learn how to love. I just want to maim and kill but that's just because of the blind rage I feel towards living itself. No amount if responsibility on my part feels good. I am eternally fucked up; so fucked up in fact that I probably need to be on medication. Fuck that. It's not funny. Nothing is funny. I read somewhere that a sign of brain damage is loss of humor. You couldn't cheer me up by making me laugh anymore. The very attempt would make me want to be you to a pulp. I'm not proud of it. I'm a piece of shit but that's just who I am now. I can't fathom being any different. I don't even want to be anymore. Facing reality is too painful. Too fucking painful indeed. I can't express in words how painful. Whenever someone tries to question my negative thoughts, I just get angry. I can't fucking take it. I can't handle the truth. I'm too fucking weak. Life isn't grand. Life isn't beautiful. Just like my grandmother said; life is hard. It's too fucking hard. I want to destroy it but that would be against my better nature (what little there is left). I feel like a villain. A hurt, damaged, sociopathic villain that would honestly forcefully step over others to get what he wants. Yet I don't care enough to stop it. Fuck me. Fuck everything.
|
self.depression
|
What if i told you life is really unfair and sucks... [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Fuck Thanksgiving. And fuck my bipolar and anxiety from keeping me from enjoying it. My mom goes to her friends house for the day, and my other option is to spend the day with my Dad's family but he is dead and I'm not particularly close to them. Additionally I have SERIOUS issues with driving at night, and it gets so goddamn dark so goddamn early that there is no option of not driving in the dark were I to go and because of my neurotic dog staying the night isn't an option. And my husband is an agoraphobic w/ no family who sleeps/lives like he works the night shift, sleeping from 9am to about 5 every day. Then I woke up and weighed myself like I do most mornings and in the last month somehow I've gained 5lbs and am now 150 instead of 145, which may not seem like much...but it's so fucking much for me, after working really hard to lose 50lbs 3 years ago, it's painful to see the scale go up. So that's me, just alone and miserable on Thanksgiving with some vegetarian chili and pumpkin pie. Awesome.
|
self.bipolar
|
How can I Stop worrying? Surely there must be some trick to this that doesn't require therapy.
|
self.Anxiety
|
What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without showering during a depressive episode? Make me feel better about the last week and a half of my life. Life is hard sometimes.
|
self.depression
|
I'm too young to think this way, but I can't help it. I wanna do it so bad. I go to sleep wanting to die every single night. I've failed three times. I was self harming. Went to the hospital once. I'm twelve. [removed]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Hello to my stalker You showed me you read my posts, did anyone teach you that eavesdroppers learn things that tend to hurt them?
This is a public forum, and I have no assumptions of privacy through this. You don't scare me, and will never scare me into not posting what I want to.
It's been a while, and a new year. I don't want to talk to you any more, I have unfriended you on Facebook as well as your two dickhead flatmates. No more flying monkeys that way.
I wonder if you even realise what you did, or if you have twisted things around to never be your fault like you always have done, or more likely twisted everything to be your fault as a guilt trip which I will never hear.
Now you're out of my life. I don't know if your narcissistic traits were acted upon on purpose or not, but I do know you emotionally abused me by ignoring me constantly, giving me only tiny bites of your time and attention to keep me around.
Carrot and stick, and even when I told you that you did it, you denied it outright. Hello, if someone tells you that you've hurt them, you don't get to say you didn't.
Your broken promises and broken word haunts me to this day. "We'll go to Thor: Ragnarok together" "I'll replace the batteries for you" "I'll get you these for christmas I GUARANTEE you" "We'll go to this fetish event together" "I'll pay you for the thing you got for both of us" and so many more.
I feel used and taken advantage of by you. I constantly worried about you because you'd never tell me what was wrong. I never knew the right questions to ask you. You used 'poly' as an excuse to not tell me anything about what you're doing, and even though I'm usually able to feel compersion to a strong degree, I was left feeling jealous and hurting over your blatant ignoring of our relationship.
You told me you wanted me to take more responsibility over myself, especially when we went out, because you were 'forced' into doing so. Even though I had messaged you countless times saying that I could look after myself and you can go and have fun, you never did that, you chose to look after me and complained to me afterwards making it seem like it was my fault you didn't have fun.
You combined parts from my abuser and from my ex before you. You raped me once. You abandoned me. You neglected our relationship over going on dates with new people. You are a toxic person and I'm glad you're out of my life now.
I hope you read this.
|
self.offmychest
|
Fun with Medicaid For those of you following the saga, Kentucky continues to move ahead with its plan to screw those of us on Medicaid. /u/redrahlooo alerted me to the category of "medically frail" in which bipolar folks will likely fit and which would allow us to continue getting our healthcare.
Since the good Governor's plan doesn't go into effect until July, I thought I'd get a jump on things and find out how to apply for that status. Kentucky Medicaid sent me to my managed care provider. My managed care provider, after I told them KY Medicaid sent me to them, sent me back to KY Medicaid. If this keeps up, I won't have to worry about healthcare. I'll be eligible for Medicare before it gets worked out.
I am not amused.
|
self.bipolar
|
I have a job interview in 2 hours & I haven’t eaten in 16 hours [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
How do I cope? I rely heavily on my relationships for happiness. And now it seems as if this one is ending... I can't stop crying, I can't find anything that makes me happy, and I can't even find a single thing that distracts my mind from it. I feel like I'm going crazy. I sleep downstairs on the couch because I get anxiety upstairs, but I get anxiety downstairs too. Night time is the worst. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to get out of this, and I just want the pain and the sadness to end. All of it to end.
|
self.depression
|
My time here on earth seems to be over [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I have no plans until March. Other than work a job I hate 5 days a week and watch TV the rest of the fucking day. How do people put up with this shit for 40 years? Trying to make plans for vacations/concerts to make it feel somewhat worthwhile but, how do people deal with the day to day drudgery? Looking for a new job but all I want to do is reach through the computer and strangle whoever wrote the job descriptions.
|
self.depression
|
My anxiety is worsening my aquaphobia, what do I do? This is really stupid but I’m aquaphobic (the proper term for fear of water; hydrophobia refers to the fear of any water, specifically as a result of rabies infection) and usually it’s just bodies of water, baths, and — if I think about it too much — showers.
 
I got into a water fight at hockey some weeks back and it *was* fun. It was a laugh. I don’t *regret* it as such. At one point, though, the guy I was having it with grabbed my wrist to pull me — fully-kitted lol — into the shower. Again this would have been fine because it was all for fun, but I went through a load of shit for years some years ago and while I should be over it, I’m not and when he grabbed my wrist, my brain went straight to “he’s going to beat you/kill you/harm you in some way” and I went into panic mode (which would not have been visible to outsiders). Thankfully I was laughing and the anxiety spike settled pretty quickly.
 
Since then, however, my brain has kept replaying the wrist grab over and over, and my aquaphobia has worsened to the point where drinking water from a regular bottle makes me anxious. The replay is better and now it’s not like a constant loop, but I’m still struggling to drink from open-necked bottles.
 
I know that sounds ridiculous and like I say the guy is great, he’s a laugh..but I don’t know how to get past this. I’m also getting increasingly-more anxious around him which sucks :/
|
self.Anxiety
|
My best friend suddenly passed away at 22, 2 years ago on November 16. I generally have a rougher time of it than I typically do in the month of November. I miss him all of the time, but around this time I really struggle with hating myself for still being here while he’s gone. He was one of the most positive, uplifting, charismatic people I’ve ever met and he was surrounded by friends and family that loved him. He had a bright future and was going places in the world, and I don’t understand why he was the one to go when I’m still here. He had just started his own company, where I dropped out of school and had to walk away from a job I loved because I couldn’t get a handle on my mental illnesses even with professional help. It’s hard not to feel hopeless when I think about it. He deserves to be here and I don’t, and I don’t understand it. He was a better person. I hate the fact that I’m still here and he’s not. Why am I still here if I’m just going to have to fight off a relentless attack on my brain and my emotional well being every day? He was always happy and looking ahead and now he’s gone.
|
self.depression
|
Getting anxiety meds TL;DR: What are your experiences with getting anxiety meds? What were you put on? And were you given everyday meds or as needed meds?
I'm going to the doctors tomorrow and I'm going to discuss my anti depressants (prozac), but I've only been on it 3 weeks so she might want me to be on it longer, but idk. I wanna ask for anxiety meds, but I don't know if I would wanna try to get meds for everyday to try and relieve anxiety or some for panic attacks or general high anxiety moments, or both??? I've never taken anxiety meds before so idk what they would wanna give me to try, and if I would be on one med that helps with both depression and anxiety or two different ones. I don't want them to think I'm going in there to try and get Xanax or something cause I'm not I just need some help. What are common anxiety meds and what might they put me on?? I know everyone is different and every doctor is different so you may never really know, but what are some of your guys experiences??
|
self.Anxiety
|
If you aren't escaping, then what are you doing? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Depression and self-image I’ve struggled with depression for 10 years or so.. when I first started struggling with it, I weighed 110 pounds because I didn’t eat, nor cared to. Then I started gaining tons of weight after being diagnosed with hypothyroidism and PCOS. Now, I can spend hours in the mirror looking at my body and picking out even the smallest thing I hate about it. I cry a lot because I hate my body from gaining all of the weight, but I don’t do anything about it cause I don’t have motivation from my depression. It’s like a never ending cycle. Does anyone else feel this way? Or know what my problem is!!!
|
self.depression
|
I have been begging in my head for someone to start a conversation with me so that I can tell them that I am not all right, but so far no luck. I just need to talk to someone because I feel like if I give into the panic the is just beneath the surface then that will be the end for me. I doubt I'd actually commit suicide because I have too much empathy, but a few months ago I was staring at all the medication in my house wondering if I was more scared of dying or if I was more scared of surving.
|
self.depression
|
I found out recently that more people than I'd like know about this [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Family gatherings are exhausting I just felt so alone and really sad in a full room of people. I wanted to run away but instead I faked how everything's fine. I got my moments where I wanted to let myself cry but I didn't. I feel so exhausted now that I'm back home. People in general exhaust me. I can't enjoy anything and I'm just... broken. I wish there was someone who would let me cry on a shoulder without explaining why.
|
self.depression
|
Does Gabapentin make anyone else slightly hypomanic sometimes? I took a little extra to help me sleep (docs orders) and it makes me want to clean everything and do crafts and I have no focus.
Anyone else get this?
|
self.bipolar
|
I can’t handle this pain I have anymore No matter how hard I try my suicidal thoughts won’t stop. I’m so sad and I can’t tell my anyone. And I feel like if I physically cant tell anyone it’s just bottled up inside me. It’s breaking me I started cutting almost a year in 7 months ago so I didn’t have a kill myself. I don’t want friends around me or to talk to talk to anyone I just want to be by myself. I hate myself I’m only 18 I’ve lived with suicidal thoughts since I was 11. It started because my dad made me feel like it was my fault for my parents divorce. He made me feel like I was nothing and that I caused everything that went wrong . Non stop yelling everyday it got to a point where I couldn’t live anymore I’ve been so close to ending my life but I can’t put my mom and my siblings through that pain. I believe to this day it’s my fault for what happened. I’m suffering I don’t want to be here anymore but I can’t bring myself to end my life. I can’t tell anyone and I just can’t live with this anymore I’m tired of fighting these thoughts I just don’t know what to do anymore
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Sadnessoverload One of my fav artist died today, i hope ur in a better place lil peep. His music helps me so fucking much on a daily basis.. im just so sad rn. I thought it was silly when people got sad over celebritys deaths but i was so ignorant. I know exactly how it feels now.
|
self.depression
|
I like my therapist a lot, but I'm starting to realize how difficult I've been and I feel so sorry [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
My father says I'm the greatest disappointment in his life I don't know how to explain this, but simply he says that once I was part of his pride, but now as I grew up I turned into a "stupid adolescent who can't do anything right besides taking drugs" (his words). He said that not only him, but my mother, my brothers and almost everyone who cares about me are tired of trying making me change, and that he doesn't want to see me anymore. I don't know what to do, it's like I can't find peace or happiness anywhere, everything is just despair and overthinking.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Inpatient When did you know you should check yourself in. I’m not suicidal but I feel I’m going down hard. So much life changing things have happened the past month and I’m loosing grip of everything. I want to break down and cry. (And I have) but I don’t know how to cope. I need a mental break. Does this qualify for needing care? Or do I suck it up and just see my regular therapist as scheduled
|
self.bipolar
|
Check mate You know how you play a game of chess and you only have your king and a few pawns left... but no matter what you do, the other guy has more powerful pieces than you. No matter how hard you try to stay in the game you just cannot win. The inevitable is you have lost.
That's exactly how I feel about my entire life right now. For years I have been clinically depressed and on medications which unfortunately for me only numb the emotional distress and pain a little, just enough to cope, but they are not an answer.
I have a house and a wife and I even have a kid on the way. But I also have no money. I'm living pay cheque to pay cheque. I cannot do any outings with my wife. I cannot purchase any materialistic things like a gear VR or a switch to take my mind off things a little easier.
I cannot buy your average grocery shop. I have to always be frugal and buy the really basic cheap stuff. For example my lunches at work is microwave porridge. 10 packs in a box that costs £2. That's the kind of frugal I mean. Dinners are usually rice from a giant 10kg bag that cost me £10 about 4 months ago.
I feel like I am now just a financial asset that is needed in order for my wife and kid to survive. Other than that I am useless. I of course clean the house and take care of the garden but I only do that because I have a wife and a kid on the way.
If I didn't have them I wouldn't bother. She loves me and always tells me so and tries her hardest to cheer me up but it's impossible when you hate yourself so much to the point where all you think about is your death and when is it going to happen.
I envy people who are alone and depressed. You have a way out without hurting anyone in the process. You don't have that overwhelming guilt of destroying others when you stand in the garage with a saw to your neck.
I can't escape. I failed my career I trained for at college. I took too long doing other shitty jobs just to keep the money rolling in so we didn't fuck up our mortgage. Going back to that career now is pointless since no one is going to hire me with 4 years gap in my experience. I don't think I want to either. I didn't feel valued as an employee there either.
Life for me as I said... feels like a losing chess game. There's no way out except death. I can either live a miserable life and wait to die or I can kill myself sooner.
Maybe if I show this to my wife she will finally decide to leave me. Then I will be able to die without guilt of ruining her. Who knows.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Work, money, and being 29 As our late 20s is typically when our careers take shape, or take dramatic turns (for better or worse), the resulting income disparity among friends and its effects are overarching.
For me, my friends' salaries range from 20K to 140K (I’m somewhere in-between), while others are still in school. We haven't all stuck together. Our egalitarian youth is behind us, and we've formed new clusters based on different standards--some of us can't be bothered unless we're dining out at a trendy new restaurant. Money is the new social signifier that's become the wedge among my groups of friends, and is the driving force for how we like to spend our time and with who, and who we are as individuals. As you can tell by now, this upsets me.
Some of us have started conversing the way we’re expected to when we’re at the office--they brought that home with them. There are still moments of candidness, but typically not without a few beers. Do we have to be drunk to be honest with each other? Others, my friends that have yet to find financial “success”, are humble, but still afraid to show their faces--they’ve holed-up. Their salaried counterparts, however, are expectedly more self-assured--in ways that bring about feelings of dissonance when being around them. It seems as they’ve gotten older, they’ve become less self-aware of their flaws and more justified. I thought the trend was reverse. For those of you in their later-30s, is this a phase? Being a little arrogant upon our newfound careers and salaries?
We’re all so busy and tired. We take part in socializing and living interesting lives via Netflix--it doesn’t ask for much in return. Are we growing as we do this? Figuring things out beyond showing up at work, taking care of our errands, and putting a meal together? Look at me, I’m “adulting”! But what kind of persons are we? How thoughtfully do we interact with others? What are our perspectives, our understandings of life’s absurdities? How well do we know ourselves? Can we make each other laugh?
Yes, we’re doing the best we can. None of us are to blame--this is happening to us instead of the other way around. We’re not jerks, but maybe a little oblivious. I'm scared. There seems to be a lot of sacrifices being made on what’s always been most important. There are less belly-laughs.
Can any of you relate?
|
self.offmychest
|
I hate you, Internet... You're scaring me more than the "mass on my lung" letter I received last week. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Hate this fucking disease. I hate it. I want it gone.
Debating giving myself a fucking lobotomy at home.
I can feel it. It's in my head. At the front of my head.
It's in my brain.
I don't know how much more I can take.
|
self.depression
|
What's going on ? Someone posting one or two word and gets like a hundred replays. One pours ones heart out or asks a legit question about coping with suicide or self worth, ten comments max. Not sure if it's right to be honest here, but this will be ignored as well I'm almost positive about it.
|
self.depression
|
So, I missed my lamictal last night And when I noticed it this morning, I took it with my Wellbutrin.
Holy crap, I feel pretty good right now! I’ve done a load of laundry and didn’t avoid getting it out of the dryer!
|
self.bipolar
|
I just want to fuck. At this point, I don't really care who it is. I just want to fuck. I'm sick and tired of your stressed out, "I just want to do whatever it is I want to do but it's not you" attitude. I don't care that you work a full-time job - the same as I do - I just care that no matter how attentive I am to your needs, you just don't give a shit about mine. I hate that sex is a "taboo" subject to you because of your "modesty" and conservative upbringing, I want to know what turns you on. That's my job as your husband, to know you inside and out. I hate that our relationship is one-sided, that you get to pick and choose whatever you feel like doing and I'm supposed to pick up the slack for the rest. I want to feel wanted, to feel desired, to be able to pour myself physically and emotionally into another person and have that reflected so that we both experience simultaneous orgasmic nirvana and, for a moment, the universe slips away and nothing matters but us and our love for one another. I want you. And you don't want me. And you're pushing me closer and closer to wanting someone else.
|
self.offmychest
|
Warmest Love to Cold Heartache Today I was lucky enough to get to go to the park with my niece again. It was great, just my mom, niece, and I, no drug addicted father to make the situation tense. I can't remember the last time I've felt loved by or loved someone. Today I had to warmest feeling of love and happiness being with her today. I cried, I really don't cry. These past few years have been really hard for me. My Dad had an affair, then fabricated his own truth for his side of the family to hear. And villified the rest of us. I was really close to him, and this came out of nowhere 2 years ago. I haven't seen him since them. I see pictures of him having a great time with his new family, and I've been replaced. He has a new step son my age, so the father who adopted me has left me again. My self worth is in the toilet. Ive lost all my self confidence and I struggle just to make it through the day. But my niece makes life worth living again. The heartache comes from me having a great loving childhood with my father and his mother. Now I can't even get a text response, let alone a phone call. It kills me that she can't experience the great people I grew up around..because they aren't great people anymore. And they won't even give her a chance.
I really just needed to tell someone this. I'm not close enough to anyone anymore to let my feelings out. Comments are appreciated. I just wanna feel better.
|
self.offmychest
|
Mini panic attack? Just felt weird Was driving home from the gym (well I was riding, my dad was driving) and just felt weird. Felt like I was in a dream and felt like I was floating or falling, felt weird in my arms and legs.
No pain at all, just felt weird. Sat there for a few seconds, kinda came and went, felt it still, said “dad.” He said “are you ok?” And I said “idk”And put my hand on my chest to make sure my heart was still beating and it seemed to be, and said “think it might be a panic attack.” Stuck my head out the window and it kind of went away.
Now I have constant anxiety about my heart and health overall, so naturally I have googled what a heart attack feels like, etc, and one of the things I remember is “it feels like you’re falling” so it made sense that I felt that.
But is this what a panic attack feels like? It was short lived but I’m still kind of shaken
I have had multiple EKGs and two echocardiograms done in the past 2ish years, nothing out of the ordinary.
Any idea what this was? I remember as a kid I used to have what my parents kind of jokingly called “episodes” and it usually happened at night when there were lights around. I just felt *weird*. Like I was in a dream, or something like that. I would always just go to my mom and say “I feel weird” and she would know what it meant and would kind of comfort me. I think I got tests done? Can’t remember but nothing ever came of it. Only reason I say this is because this is the same sensation I got.
It was pretty scary and weird. Was this a mini panic attack, or just some manifestation of my anxiety or what?
|
self.Anxiety
|
...problems I do not enjoy talking about quite a lot of my problems
The moment they come out
from the block in my mind
and become real problems in this
Reality
I am pulled farther into my depression
the block in my mind protects me
however it is a foe as much as it is a friend
I fear the possibility of
shame
embarrassment
neglect
and much more
In exchange for voicing my problems to others
and that is the reason this is about why I don’t talk about my problems
rather than my real problems.
|
self.depression
|
Driving test is less than a week away? What can i do to prepare as i am freaking out already
|
self.Anxiety
|
anybody i'm planning on bringing things to an end soon, but i have nobody to talk about it with. anyone i try to go to will freak out and get me hospitalized or something of the sort. i'm sixteen, i just want someone to talk about everything with. anyone's appreciated.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I’m a 16 year old guy with terrible social skills and seemingly no actual talents and I really want to just find an easy way out. Hey, Reddit. I’m sixteen in high school during my junior year. I can’t start conversations at all and usually end up standing on the outside of a group of “friends” and nodding every once in a while. I make mediocre grades and can’t push myself to do work at home. I’m posting this mostly to admit to myself what’s wrong and ask for painless ways to do it. The only real reason I’ve held back and not just jumped onto the highway is because of how my parents feel. I’ve been suicidal before. Sixth grade, several years ago, I freaked out and said something about just life being depressing and my parents got me examined and I spent two weeks in a mental facility. I guess after that I never opened up to anyone again because I was scared of what would happen. I’m crying just typing this because it feels like I’m betraying myself. Driving home from
Work earlier, my mother brought up my grades. I pretty much went stone faced as a defensive reaction until pretty much all I could think about was cutting out the catalytic converter in my car and just letting it run. I’m usually a good student in school, never really skipped a class or played hooky etc, but just give such low effort. Every day when I come home and don’t have work, I just play video games with some people I don’t know in Canada. Anyways, I can’t really see myself opening up to my parents about how I feel and how close I’ve come in the past because they will probably get some therapist or something and my life will somehow get more shitty. If it’s against the rules here I understand, but what’s the most reliable ways to kill myself, preferably painless as in not drowning or wrist cutting. I may edit this if I wake up tomorrow and feel like it.
TLDR: lonely lazy guy has no friends or talents and wants to end it all but get it right on the first go so I don’t end up back in a mental facility.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Pdoc and therapist say I'm manic I've been really really paranoid and can't sleep. My first reaction was that they are just trying to control me and keep me from being myself, from knowing the insightful truth, and holding me back from feeling good and creative...
But I've been working hard and I don't want to ruin all that progress. So I'm telling myself they're right. I want to let myself go over the edge, but I won't. I'm taking more Seroquel like my doctor instructed, and staying away from weed and caffeine. Trying to let art and exercise be my outlet. I've worked too hard to destroy things for the fake, manic euphoria. 💪💊
|
self.bipolar
|
Worried theres something else wrong with me So, the other night I has this weird thought.
To explain it, I need to give some background info.
About three years ago, my mom told me that a family friend needed to get rid of their new kitten bc it turns out she was allergic. After some talking, she told me I could adopt her.
A few days later, we went and picked her up, and it was love at first sight. She was a polidactyl cat and was incredibly feisty. She was so tiny she could fit in one hand. Unfortunately, I didn't get to spend as much time as I wanted to with her as I wanted. I had a week long band trip and then the sping semester of my sophomore year of college. But whenever I would go home I would see her, and my mom was constantly telling me stories of her wild antics. I didn't want her to be an outside cat, but even our vet said she was feral and we wouldn't be able to keep her in. Some of you probably know where this is going. Two years ago, she got hit by a car. It still feels unreal. I had gone to a movie with my dad. I couldn't find her when I got home, but I didn't know. One of our dogs had gone to the curb of the road, so it had happened before I even got home.
I miss her everyday.
Fast forward to the following June, I found this adorable little black and white kitty at the shelter. I picked her up and she started purring in my arms. I brother her home a little while after that, and we've been together ever since.
Well, sometimes I feel like shes mad at me. I get distracted and don't give her as much attention as I should. And she seems upset with me.
The weird thought I had the other night:
I'm not exactly sure how to describe it. But, I was laying in bed. I looked over towards my desk, and my cat was sitting in chair looking at me. Idk why, but it unsettled me. For whatever reason, I became convinced she was...I'm not sure this is the best way to convey it, but like she was a zombie cat...not like the walking dead kind, but the I Am Legend (Will Smith version) ones...and she was going to kill me for not cuddling her enough
Idk why...fast forward to now...I was in bed, and she came up to me and started cuddling me...and I started thinking of the other night...and it occurred to me I would have to kill her first...I don't know why, she was just rubbing her head against me and purring...and it wasnt a frantic thought, just a casual thought
As I was typing this up, I realized I've had a variation on thinking she was a zombie cat before...like sometimes she'll hiss and I'll think that...
Obviously I know she's not a zombie cat...and I would never hurt her...but for some reason I have thoughts like this sometimes and they seem normal and logical, even if for only a moment
I'm not sure what to make of it
|
self.depression
|
Hey... I've been quite depressed and I don't know what makes me happy anymore. Please give me some things to do to chill me out. Thanks! [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Don't take on a pet if you can't afford one. At least 10 times every week someone posts on the various assistance subs that they don't have enough money for a desperately needed vet bill that they should have taken care of a month ago. They are begging people to help them take care of their pet because they never saved the money for an emergency fund, they have shit credit and can't get a card, etc...
Please people, pets are great, but do NOT get one of you can't reasonably fork over the money for emergency vet care. Your piss poor financial planning is nowhere near the level of emergency of people on there who don't have enough food to eat because they were unexpectedly laid off from work.
In addition to food, good pet ownership includes monthly heartworm preventative for dogs, flea treatments, vaccines, yearly checkups, PLUS, any other expenses from getting sick. I know this well, I have three large dogs. They are expensive. Know this before your commit to bringing one home with you.
ETA: When I say "emergency" vet care, I mean vet care you weren't expecting as part of the norm. A UTI, an injury from jumping off the bed, an eye or ear infection... Please realize when you get a pet you may have to spend several hundred dollars a few times a year on veterinary care. If you can't afford that (and don't have a credit card for emergencies or a vet willing to work out a payment plan) you should consider NOT buying an animal.
|
self.offmychest
|
Honesty doesn't happen in argument/debate Honesty happens when you're driving down the road, win or lose, and realize that they too are filled with human err and working with outdated information from yesterday.
|
self.offmychest
|
Do you have an outlet and if so, what is it? As every day passes, I'm becoming more reliant on my outlet. I can't sleep, relax or just enjoy myself unless I'm focusing on whatever is on Reddit or getting a message from somebody I've texted. I hate that becomes an obsession though and I'm not sure how to stop?
On one hand, it helps my anxiety because I get to focus on something else but on the other hand is addictive.
Does anybody feel the same or have the same thing going?
|
self.Anxiety
|
2017 was brutal All of my recent med changes were on 2017. Zoloft made me mixed and totally insane, I got lithium poisoning, akathisia from abilify, suicidal from trileptal, suicidal on latuda, depakote didn't work out, haldol wasn't right, too much wellbutrin made me unstable. It's been an almost nonstop joyride.
I almost hospitalized myself a few times. I've never been before so it's a big deal. I legitimately almost killed myself on 3 occasions. I dabbled in self harm. I had a very rough year. Professionally I didn't get along with my old teaching team and they turned our kids against me. Principal got involved and was on my side, it was ugly. So I finished my first year of teaching and now my second year is going much better but the end of that first year was miserable.
2017 was not my friend.
I saw an idea on Facebook to put a note in a jar each week that has one good thing that happened that week on each note then at the end of the year look at all of the great things that happened. I love that idea.
Here's to hoping everyone has a better 2018. It can't be worse than 2017, that's for sure.
|
self.bipolar
|
When liberals were sitting at their coffee shops mocking rural people, Trump supporters went out and voted. no political sub has accepted this, so it was on my chest.
what exactly was going on at the coffee shops, liberal, to stop you guys from having a good chance at the election? was there some comedy sketch where you'd all line up and do your best impression of Trump, rural people in the type of way that whoever your favorite comedians are would do it? look at what you've done now. your fancy city life and smug attitudes aren't paying off so much now are they.
|
self.offmychest
|
Any one else feel They've Plateaued in Their Success with anxiety? Ive long since held the belief that I can achieve all the things I want despite my anxiety, by facing it head-on and getting what I want. And I've been right, Im well on my way to graduating with a masters, great friends, socialize frequently, several good relationship, etc. But while externally my life is the best its ever been my thoughts are slowly being poisoned by the fact that while my life has improved exponentially I still feel like shit. I can reap all the benefits of my willpower to achieve anything but if I can't relax and enjoy them I feel I'm just pushing a rock up a hill I know one day ill be too weak to hold. Ive already pushed this metaphorical rock much farther than I ever thought I could but i guess in my mind there was a top to the hill, or at least a ledge when in reality I'm starting to doubt their is.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I am doing it next weekend I feel a bit more of a calmness now. I have to dogsit so have to be responsible. But I am planning on doing it with two packets of sleeping tablets and a bottle of vodka.
I am a bit scared, but knowing that I will no longer feel pain makes me feel better.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like I only really have on true friend. That is my roommate. I feel like any time I try to get involved in anything, learning programming, guitar, even roleplaying games, anything that could pull me out of my funk, none of my friends want to do anything with me.
I invite them to partake because it's hard to motivate myself by myself, then I feel like a quitter and feel worse.
My roommate is my best friend but we work opposite shifts and she works a full 40 hours while I don't, so I feel bad pestering her when she has time off.
My other friends are just as depressed as me (for different reasons) and I feel like one who is my neighbor just comes over to use my TV or my XBox and doesn't really care much about doing anything else.
My second depressed friend who I've known for 20+ years is almost 400lbs and lives in a constant mess. He is always depressed because his parents are dead and he's single, but I can't convince him to talk to anyone. When we do hang out he's another friend who basically just plays my consoles and that's it.
I want to move and start anew but I'm in a ridiculous amount of student loan debt and my job is only part time so I can't.
In the meantime I feel like most of the people I have who actually listen and talk to me are people I've met on FB who aren't even in the same state, or country.
The people I do have nearby seem to only come around if they want to use my stuff or unload their problems. The latter would be fine except I'm barely holding myself together at this point. I can't take on their problems too.
I don't know what to do.
|
self.depression
|
Have you found quitting Reddit and other social medias a good start to recovery? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
A song I refer to people when talking about Bi-polar disorder is Do ya thing by Gorrilaz The whole structure of the song is so much what I think of the different states that one would go into, its insane manic middle with Andre 3000 screaming about his delusions of grandeur and the low depressing end, the low sung voices at the end make me think it's depression as a deity that is having this effect on Andre. Would any of you agree with me on this?
|
self.bipolar
|
I want to quit but I'm a coward. I can't stand my job. I know logically it's not even that bad and really I just can't stand getting out of bed. But being there right now is killing me. It feels like a piece of me is dying inside.
I would quit, but I'm to scared and pathetic to talk to the boss. "Hey Juan, this is gonna be my last week here. I'm depressed and need to figure things out."
And then I spend the rest of my time in bed all day, slowly eating up my savings and making my mom worry because I've given up.
FUCK. Why am I like this? How can I live my life this way? Gladly I've never been suicidal but I don't know how long it'll stay that way if this continues.
|
self.depression
|
Imagine if there was just a "Delete yourself from history" button I'm not killing myself because I don't want to hurt and ruin more people lives than I already have, but if there was just a button to remove every trace of me including all of others memories, I would hit that in a heartbeat.
|
self.depression
|
How many people here feel that suicide is the best answer? [removed]
|
self.depression
|
Tips for eating healthily with a low appetite and vitamins proven to aid recovery (with links) [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I did it, I actually did well in school! Long story short, I was told to take a year off from my program in university since both my grades and mental health were shit. I chose to enroll in a technical institute in a one year program just to keep myself busy and get some more training. Back in university before this I had never achieved anything above a B. I felt like I couldn't do well in school. But I just got my grades back from this semester and in two of my classes I got an A+!!! Maybe things are starting to turn around for me. I am just so proud of this and wanted to share.
|
self.bipolar
|
At the Edge I'm 22year old student and at a state where I experience extreme depressive episodes almost every day or so. Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life so far where I started cutting myself and drinking much alcohol in a desperate search for an outlet of all the frustration, crushing sadness and self hatred.
I'm usually just a normal guy when I'm around people but especially at night or when alone for some time I feel like I'm loosing it.
However I feel like my general well-being gets worse after every time where I'm completely lost in depression and even when I feel relatively normal, everything seems to loose it's spark (as a lack of a better word as a german). I feel more and more indifferent towards life and I'm afraid that it'll come to a point where nothing makes sense anymore.
Has anyone experienced something similar? I feel alone with my thoughts and find it harder and harder to think of reasons to keep going on.
|
self.depression
|
Fun with BIPOLAR acronyms! What can you come up with? B- being
I- insane
P- probably
O- obfuscates
L- love
A- and
R- reality
*I hope using "insane" does not cause offense: I refer to my own experience.
|
self.bipolar
|
It Hurts Too Much and I Cannot Do This Anymore Since October, my life has been pretty messed up. Called the police, parents in and out of the house, jail sentences, etc. I won't go into detail, but since then I've spiraled into what I didn't realize was even abnormal at first.
And then I was taken to a doctor. Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
It explained everything.
I have therapy every two weeks or so because of the limited resources of a small town (there's only one therapist here).
I'm also on antidepressants.
But it still hurts. Sometimes, it hurts so much that I can't breathe.
I've seen my father twice since october.
Currently, my mother has been gone with him for 16 days. I'm only 14 years old, with my grandparents and siblings. My dad told me they'd return soon and I'd even get to see him. He's said that several times, but still nothing. Nothing...
It hurts.
I just want to see my parents.
I just want to be happy again.
I just want to be able to breathe and smile without pain.
But I'm scared of death. Even if I so want to be put out of my misery. My situation could be so much worse, I know... But it hurts so much.
And I'm scared of living too.
I don't understand. How can emotional pain make me physically hurt? Why..?
What did I even do to deserve this?
I can't do this anymore. I've tried to hold on and things have only gotten worse. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, of living. I can't do this. I can't. I just can't. I'm sorry.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Third time in my life I post here. Four failed attempts of suicide behind me, and I'm not getting better. In fact it's getting worse.
I'm just waiting for the last push so I can finally jump off the window.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Everybody’s busy. This time of year when I most crave for social interactions, friends, even family and none of them responded. Everybody’s busy living their lives while unemployed, depressed me can’t stop thinking of dying. I messaged about a dozen of people today and none of them replied.
Must’ve felt good having a life and actually be busy.
Just the first day of 2018 and I’m already crying.
|
self.depression
|
It's funny how a 3 second video can ruin your day [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
My brains stuck on fast forward. Hypomania in full Effect [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Sleeping all the time to escape reality Does anyone else have an amazing ability to sleep when really depressed? My life is so terrible now that if I don't force myself to get up, I could easily sleep day and night without waking up as an escape. When I'm asleep I'm unconscious and don't have to deal with horrible thoughts in my head. My dreams are very vivid and preferable to being awake. I don't eat or drink or even use the bathroom until I absolutely have to because its just too much effort. I hate living like this.
|
self.depression
|
What I try to do at least once a day So pretty much life has become a whole much easier and over sometime I've been going through some healing which leads me to have my body improve a bit more. I believe it's 2 years when I began my path in tai chi and qigong and since then I have been focusing a lot on qigong mostly because I mastered the form I was studying and I kind of wanted to do something new and since qigong has more than 10,000 moves it would keep me busy for a while. Qigong has improved my joints, my breathing, and my mind. I'm also trying to get certified to become a tai chi instructor so that I can share my experience with others who are willing to learn and listen.
|
self.depression
|
Bipolar 1 diagnosis, new psychosis only present when meds are stopped [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Is it possible that I have an anxiety-related condition or just symptoms of anxiety? I've always felt that there is something not quite right with me. Like most of the time my mind wanders and thinks back to something I did/said that I felt was really embarrassing or ashaming or just plain stupid or pointless. Then I can't stop thinking about that and I keep hitting myself in the face lightly or saying something under my breath inaudibly to others like "f***" or "I'm stupid" or something like that. When I'm alone I think about those thoughts and then I say those things more audibly enough for me to hear it louder but not for anyone else in the house to hear. And I always pull my head down or hit myself slightly harder or on a table at a moderate severity. Not too hard and not too soft. Also sometimes in class I think, "What if I said something really stupid like someone's name in the class or a swear word or something related to the topic that's just stupid?" and then I somewhat have to strain myself to prevent myself from saying said thought out loud. Then I hit myself lightly or swear under my breath like the other mentioned situation.
Another thing I want to talk about is my constant worrying. I am always worried about forgetting to do something or something I have to do that's coming up. Like I am always freaking out thinking about everything happening in the day and if I forgot to do homework the day before or if there is a test that day I forgot about even though my teachers never mentioned one before. At the same, recently I did everything that day that I had to remind myself to do. Yet at lunch after I completed everything I still felt worried that I needed to do something.
To keep going, I have this really bad habit going on that deals with me eating away the skin around my fingers and biting my nails. I have tried to stop myself but I always end up doing it when I am not paying attention to what I am doing. It's caused me to have my fingers looking pretty rough. They recover decently quick, which causes me to stop for a little bit. Then I do it again.
One more thing I want to talk about is me in social situations. I feel like I am extremely socially awkward. I have a decent amount of friends and people do find me pretty cool on the outside I'm pretty sure, but I personally feel really awkward. Like for example, if someone makes eye contact with me for more than a few seconds I always look away then look back at them. Also, I can not bring myself to try to approach people to talk to them because I'm constantly worried about how they'll judge me and if they'll find me stupid or a loser or something similar. It's weird for me. Like this year I'm trying to open up and approach people more often and try to talk to initiate conversation more often. But often times I try to start one and then feel like they don't find me interesting to talk to. Also I'm awful at keeping conversation going. Like others can talk for hours to other people. When I talk to people either they keep it going or I try to keep it going but make remarks that are not interesting, or there are decent moments of silence. When I'm with my friends I am more comfortable but a lot of times I'm not sure if I should talk to them because I'm like, "do my friends actually want to talk to me right now/do they find me interesting enough to talk to me right now or only if they don't see anyone else to talk to?" Also texting is a whole other issue. When I send a text I'm always looking to see if people respond. If they don't the whole day I think, "shoot. Am I interrupting their alone time? Am I being annoying?" Also I always put much thought into what I text even if it is my closest friend who is comfortable with me and who I'm comfortable with for the most part.
Sorry one more thing. I have a really weird memory. Some things I just forget extremely quickly, whether it's a random piece of trivia or something from class or something like that. Other times I can recall details of it really well. Details others would forget about. There doesn't seem to be much of an in between for me. I do remember situations of people I recognize really well. Like if it is a person I talked to only once or twice I can remember the conversations we had because there was not much. Those people are often like, "how'd you remember that?" or would forget those details or something along those lines. I can do the same most of the time for people I'm comfortable with but a few things I would forget.
Really I bring myself down too much. I am really pessimistic and really hate myself. And this is the first ever time I'm opening up about it. I just saw a couple of said symptoms above on askreddit and it made me realize that this may be my problem. Like others I know do not realize I have these problems. They just see me as quiet and gets good grades and is chill and someone who they can talk to if they recognize me somewhere or if there are not many people in the room. They don't know this very negative side of me.
Thanks for the help. I really want to figure myself out and I feel this is the first step.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Sick and anxious hey everyone. for about 4 days now i've been sick with a fever, cough, sinus congestion, fatigue - all that nasty stuff. I took a flu test at urgent care two days ago and it turned out negative so they prescribed me antibiotics. I spoke to my regular physician later that day and he said that the tests can sometimes be wrong and it sounds like the flu, so he prescribed tamiflu. I didn't take it, figuring I would try the antibiotics first. Now I'm 4 days in and the fever is down (still there, but down), the cough is painful, and I feel this mucus in the back of my throat. I spoke to my doc again today and he told me taking the tamiflu wouldn't help anymore since it's been more than 2 days since the onset of symptoms.
I'm a hypochondriac and I struggle with anxiety a lot. I can't seem to get a deep breath right now and I can't figure out if it's my anxiety because I keep thinking about it, irritation from the cough, mucus in my throat...or if there's a legitimate issue that I should go seek help for right now.
It also doesn't help that I was supposed to fly out of town with my girlfriend tomorrow to celebrate her birthday, which I won't be able to do now and there's no refunds for the travel and housing.
I keep thinking about negative scenarios. What if I'm not seeking help I need right now? What if I'm not going to get better? I can't stand feeling like this and I feel like I'm stressing myself out so much.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Which sort of therapist should I seek out? I posted here last week. I was stressing out over my job. Well. I gave my two week notice. I'm still stressed to all hell. Im not certain who I should speak to. There seem to be so many different type of therapy. Anger management. Cognitive behavior therapy. General anxieties. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Not sure who to see.
I'm angry. Im timid. Anxious all the time. I just want someone to help me with all this. Any tip would help. Thanks guys.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Clean slate tomorrow? Hearing for record expungement. Right before I was committed and diagnosed, I had a few legal issues. Enough that the hospital picked me up from county and took me to inpatient. I had accumulated a few charges while manic as all fuck, including two violent criminal mischief charges.
Originally they were domestic violence charges, however that was lowered.
I have documentation of being denied driving for Lyft, a letter from my pdoc signed by both him and my tdoc, and letters from two of my very close friends and neighbors.
Really hoping this works and I can return to a fully normal life after 4+ years. Maybe stop being paranoid of cops at work.
Good luck to me!
|
self.bipolar
|
Don't know what to do anymore Mostly just want to get this off my chest, but any helpful advice or comforting words would be great to hear.
I just transferred to a new school. I was diagnosed with general anxiety and depression, and was on a rather good course, or so I thought. But transferring across the country away from my friends has been godawful. It started out well- I joined a club team, started pledging a fraternity. At some point it all went downhill. Now I can't even get out of bed until 5pm some days, and its destroying my grades.
I got another prescription that isn't helping very much. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like my dreams are slipping down the drain, which just makes the anxiety even worse. I just want to sleep all day and not be around anything ever again. I don't know how to talk to my advisor or teachers about this, and I just feel like I'm on the verge of a complete breakdown.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don't need a reason It's weird. I've been thinking about killing myself for more than a year now, and the truth is, I don't have a reason. Family will miss me, friends will miss. I have some books I want to read still, movies I want to see. But nothing matters. More than sadness I feel this constant emptiness. I go through the motions every single day. Nothing makes me feel truly happy.
Ian Curtis said that a gun wouldn't set him free but ended up hanging himself. I know I won't live to see my 23rd birthday like he did. Any day now.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I am incapable of accepting... Why? Wether it's me, others, ideas, concepts... Anything.
I thought about doing efforts, but gave up because I could only see them failing and being pathetic.
I tried accepting others, but whenever I look at someone my mind automatically races to taking apart everything they do, and the thoughts that they're fucking stupid keeps going through my mind. Apparently this shows on my face -- I don't know why it even happens. I tried seeing how others had value, but couldn't stop my mind from feeling annoyed at them.
It doesn't limit itself to others -- I apply that to me. Everything I do seems incredibly dumb, worthless and unworthy of being. Whenever I do anything, I simply jump straight to not accepting it as anything but a worthless, pathetic attempt at success.
I can't feel anything but annoyance, despair and fear -- that's the range of my negative emotions. My 'positive emotions' range to... amusement. And that usually stems from me being a terrible human being -- the picture you should have is the typical amusement that comes from seeing someone fall on ice. And even that becomes dim and dimmer, and is overshadowed by the annoyance I have at people being unable to succeed.
The only idea I have that I can accept as being noteworthy is the idea of ending my own life -- everything is either annoying or so pointless I can't even bother to take note of it, at every single moment of my life.
I can't even understand why I always think like this. I'm always a cynical, sarcastic asshole, to anyone and everyone -- the only people who will hang out with me are those 'positivists' (referred often in my mind as 'idiots') who believe that I can change, and the other cynical asshats who basically hate everyone.
I can't even understand why I think like this -- I was put on meds recently, and I thought it would help... But it only increased how much I think (period -- I used to have big periods of time where my mind was blank and I was basically sleeping with my eyes open), and whenever I think it goes to the two main feelings I can feel ; annoyance at everything and everyone, coupled with a crushing despair that makes me unwilling to do anything because I can't see how things could go better. They could -be- better, but in my mind they're never going to.
I can't even fathom myself not being alone in this... but I don't want to do this anymore. I can't get up every morning, feeling like I have a two-ton weight pressing down on my spine and feeling like my lungs are two hundred meters underwater. Does anyone else feel the same way here, or am I ranting for nothing?
|
self.depression
|
I lost so many people and I want to follow that path I'm 17 years old, suffering under Mutism and I'm already suffering with years of depression and suicidal thoughts.
Three years ago I've lost my parents in a car accident which I've been involved in, seeing my Parents dying infront of my eyes not being able to do anything at all. After that it all started. Depressions, no motivation do to anything at all and suicidal thoughts.
Before that accident I've had depression as well being bullied in school so I needed to change 3 times. It wasn't suicidal thoughts at first, but rather feeling helpless and lonely.
Shortly after that accident, just a half year later, my best and only friend committed suicide by hanging herself. I was one of the people, together with her parents, that found her hanging from her ceiling. Again I saw one of the most important people in my life dead in front of my eyes.
3 years later I just don't even fucking know what to do.
I've lost any energy in life and I want to follow the path of my beloved ones by killing myself, I just want it so much.
On the other hand I dont want to hurt my brother and my long-distance-boyfriend by just.. Going away..
If any one can give me advice how to keep fighting, please tell me. Because I don't know anymore.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What is your low mood / depressive / mixed state like? I’m just curious what other people experience because sometimes I’m truly not sure if I’m just exhausted or if I’m going into an episode. Seems like sometimes I just need a day to myself to sleep and do nothing and recharge, like physically not capable of much and I don’t leave the house, but I’ll wAke up the next day and feel better. Other times the feeling doesn’t go away, and I’m exhausted, sad, withdrawn, I avoid my responsibilities and feel like death when I realize nothing has gotten done. Basically a useless loser that can’t get out of my own way off and on for what seems like a week or so. Sometimes it can last for two weeks or longer and then go away... idk. I eventually start to get fed up with myself and the lack of cleaning, chores , working I do and self destruct at some point. Typical cycle ? Does anybody do anything to combat this? Some days I can kick my own ass and get up and phone it in but other days I just can’t.
|
self.bipolar
|
How to help my suicidal friend? I have a friend who I really like and he told me that he is suicidal. He opens up to nobody and distracts himself from suicidal thoughts with overworking himself.
He said he is looking for a therapist and that he might have found one (not sure what exactly was meant by that).
Because he doesn't really talk to anyone else ('I don't trust *anyone*', he said), because I know some things about him nobody else does, and because he told me that I could come to him if I needed to talk; I told him that if he ever needed help with something immediate (like "i'm not lasting any longer, i'm going to kill myself now") he just had to text me and I'd come to him with some cookies or ice cream.
But I don't really know what exactly do to when he asks me to come. What do I say when he tells me he wants to die? What do I do if he asks me about the purpose of life? Because I really don't know, I have the same problem.
Right now, the plan is to bake some awesome cookies and spare them in an emergency can, be the cheerful friend as best as I can (it's hard for me sometimes) and bring a movie when he asks me to come. To tell him "let's talk if you want or just watch the movie and when you want to talk press stop.
But what if he can't stop thinking about suicide when I'm there? Should i call the police or something?
I'm also concerned about my texts to him. Should I stop texting him about serious things?
|
self.depression
|
I'm so addicted to my computer and porn I don't know if there's any turning back. I have no idea what to do in my spare time without it.
|
self.depression
|
It will all end someday. It will all end someday, and not in a good way.
I’ll resort to alcohol for now, but eventually I will fall.
There’s no way out of this mess, I’ve done my best.
The future looks like shit, the green light is no longer lit.
|
self.depression
|
What's The F**king Point? All I ever wanted to do was succeed in life and help people, but I've turned out a massive failure instead, I've tried killing myself about 10 times in the last 2 years trying to find any way to get off this fucking planet, I've tried standing in front of trains and walking in front of cars and no one even tries to stop me and just drive off like I'm not even there, Why are people so fucking cruel I'm starting to build hatred inside for others and I don't know what to do. All I ever wanted was to look after others and find someone who cares for me, But that's not happening and it's the cold hard truth, Even last time I posted on here all I ever get is generic responses - No one actually gives a fucking damn about anyone else only themselves, Why is life so goddamn unfair I fucking hate everything right now
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My cuts became infected and I had an opiate relapse [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
No one's explaining anything to me Hey, guys. I had a really surreal weekend in which I smoked too much pot and had a breakdown. But a lot of the things I remember made sense. It's all very surreal.
When I talk to my friends or whatever, they told me to call my doctor, to stay present. People have been talking to me online that I haven't talked to in years and being really friendly about it. I don't understand what's going on.
Anyone available to chat?
|
self.bipolar
|
I havent left my room or eaten for 2 days [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else have major episodes of depression as soon as something fun and happy ends? First time in a while I was able to hangout with some people after work including a girl I have been talking to and the weirdest thing from the moment I got home to now 3 days later a major depressive episode hit me. Like I've always though my depression stemmed from loneliness and I finally did something fun with people and yet feel depressed. Like I also got kind of drunk that night and felt I annoyed her even though it seemed like she had fun. I can never have faith that I'm not some burden or annoying everyone I know.
|
self.depression
|
Why is it so hard to find a woman who wants to be my girlfriend? How does everyone else do it? I posted this yesterday but I didn't get the help I wanted, and instead, got made fun of about my tinder matches. Edit: I also snapped 5 friends Happy Thanksgiving and none of them replied. That shows how little people care about me.
I've been on 8 first dates and so far, none of them want a second date. They give BS reasons like saying they'll let me know when they're free and then ghost, or say stuff like "we didn't click". It seems like everyone else is getting into relationships like its nothing, yet no one wants to consider me as a partner in life. I'm not acting desperate or creepy on the dates either, but apparently still I'm not good enough
If I have to go to another event all by myself and seeing all these couples together, I'm going to break down. Its hard for me to be lonely. I've never had a gf in my life, not even a kiss or had sex, and I'm 20, and seeing all these relationships happening left and right is taking a toll on my life.
Other people are so lucky, even the guys with anxiety/depression get asked out by girls on dates. Even on this subreddit, people talk about how lonely/depressed they are, yet while having a gf. But me, no one wants to ask me out, and honestly, I've been working on multiple areas of my life, such as physical health, hobbies, and jobs, and I think I'm doing well in most of them, except a relationship. Even on tinder, I got 200 matches in over a year, whereas most people get that much in a month. That's how bad it is. Its 10x worse living life by yourself. And you can't convince me that heartbreaks are awful until I experience one myself. [Am I too ugly for everyone?](https://imgur.com/a/6j6Zc) Serious question. If you say that I'm datable or good-looking, then why don't I see these results in life? What does everyone have that I don't? Please answer this for me, I wanna know the secret, especially if you're a woman, I wanna know. What are you looking for? Why am I apparently not good enough for anyone?
All I want it to share my life with someone. To explore the world with, to kiss them as the ball drops on New Years, to take a 2-month vacation visiting Europe, even to just go hiking with in the woods. And to cuddle with someone at night while watching netflix. Just one person who wants me, but that person doesn't exist.
|
self.depression
|
Why does this hurt I love it when I post something on Facebook or something to try to be funny and a way of trying to please people and then they ridicule me for my posts while their shit gets tons of likes and it's all stupid shit
Sorry this is really dumb I know it's just been making me kinda angry for a while now
EDIT: Their
|
self.offmychest
|
Drinking on Zoloft Hey guys! Sorry if this has been repeated but I wanted your advice. I've been taking my Zoloft medication for almost a month now and I no longer have any of the side effects. I haven't drank any alcohol since I started but wanted to go out with some friends. Do you think I'll be okay if I take it slow? Is it physically "safe" to do? Thanks for the opinions.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.