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Helping your S/O through depression, and suicidal thoughts? Let me begin by saying I don't know if this is the correct place to post this. If anyone, or mods have an alternative PLEASE let me know.
My fiance was raised in an abusive household. With her mother being emotionally abusive, and father being physically abusive. You can clearly tell she never got the care she truly needed, her teeth were never properly taken care of, and you can tell by looking at her that she has shattered confidence.
My fiance and I have been together 4 years. We live together, play video games together, and we support each other. This is always how its been, and as far as I could tell, it was working. That was, up until this year. Its worth mentioning here that the main root of her depression was the passing of her father, whom passed 3-5 years before I met her. This caused her mom to kick out all her kids, and basically abandoned them. (all 18-24 yr/old) When her mom got herself together she started to make amends with her children.
This year was by no means easy for us, there was a fire in our apartment building and we lost many valuables that we got somewhat reimbursed for, but was far to damaged to be able to stay there, and needed serious repairs, so we had to move. We both had to find new jobs, her mom got divorced, went homeless, and just this week moved out of state.
She recently has taken up drinking, self harm, and worst of all in my opinion, hiding it all from me. I'm the type of person who leaves his facebook open on the screen while I'm away at work, I don't have a password on my phone, I leave it laying around everywhere. She's recently started finding reasons to cut people out of her life, more importantly, father figures whom she feels let her down.
It kills me that I can't be with her all day, and that she could be closet drinking, or harming herself. We've gotten her on anti-depressants, we have movie nights, we love each other. I just don't know what more I could, or should, be doing.
Anyone on here got any advice? Anyone on here overcome, or helped someone else overcome the monster that is depression?
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self.depression
|
A new update from my shitty life... I posted this: https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/64lvvz/how_do_you_guys_managed_to_hold_on_when_life/
And later this: https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/6h27k1/and_update_from_me_things_are_not_better_but_i/
So, I did get a great job... and was recently fired from it. I have a new one now, let's hope I'll keep it. At least, the great job I lost allowed me to clear all of our debts, and to put some money aside.
My health is starting to get better... as time goes by, the medication is better (I can now use a threadmill each day!) and the side effect less horrible (I can diet! I lost 20 pounds since about the last update, only 10 more to go to regain my good figure).
I now have severe ostoporosis, but I am taking medication for it... brooke 2 bones in two stupid accidents, so I've had a cast one and off for a while.
My concentration is getting better, my child is doing better. My wife isn't much better, but now, instead of being gone 100% of the day, 7 days per week, she is gone perhaps 50% of the day, 4 to 6 days per week, and no longer needs to sleep 14-16 hours. It's an improvement!
I am now able to follow audio-book. Reading isn't really back yet, but I am starting to be able to read longer and longer.
I spoke to a few FTD specialists on the phone, and it's not clear cut I will get it. My medication DOES cause speech issues, and as a proof, it seems to be getting better rather then to worsen.
Suicide seems less and less like a valid solution. I feel like perhaps, there is hope somewhere.
Plus, in 2 months or so, my child will have 1 year of high school left! That's something!
So who knows! Maybe I won't get sicker, maybe this new job will restart my hope.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Help me please! I have been having suicidal thoughts for the past 4 years...but now i just cant have this anymore.Here are my problems:
1) I am a complete loser. I not getting a job , i forget very easily what i studied, i have to work double than the rest to study what others do it in their first attempt.
2) I am shy of speaking in the public.I start shivering and stuttering when i speak in the class.Its so embarrassing.
3)I have my face full of acne. Even though none of my family members have this but i still got it, idk why.
4) I have a short height. my father is 6 feet tall and my mother is also of good height compared to women.But still Im just 5'9 .I cant stand next to my father.I'm 23 now and I know I wont grow anymore. I dont know why god made me like this.
5) I'm fat.I have a round pear shaped body even though none of my family members is fat or has a body like me. Each of my brothers is taller and slim than me. I workout so much but the fat around my waist and legs , it just remains there. It feels very bad to in a family function with the attributes that i have .
6) I had gynecosmastia but i recently had a surgery and got it removed. I dont have it now but to carry those man boobs for 5 years took a toll on my self confidence.
7) I have penis skin tightening. The skin of my penis is tight but i dont have phimosis. I can retract my skin when it is not completely erect. when erect it takes a kittle pain but i can do it. The glans are also very sensitive and i rarely touch it. This problem is killing me mentally.
8) I dont have any girlfriend. I have never been with a girl. I cannot talk to girls and i cannot look them in the eye. If ever a girl asks me something , either i got completely blank or I just give a completely useless answer. All i can do is just masturbate watching porn while my friends and brothers are having physical relations with girls.
There are so may other reasons that i can tell you but i guess these are enough to tell you my mental state.I have had enough now.I dont think my condition is going to change.I'll remain like this. I'm of no use to the society and to my family. I want to commit suicide now but i dont know how. I just dont gather the strength to kill myself. I can either drown or drink a poison like some toilet cleaner or rat poison in our homes. but in the last minute picture of my mother comes in my mind. She has done everything for me. My father didn't give money to us , so my mother used to spend all her money for me. She never bought anything for her in that period.Her picture just comes to my mind i just postpone my suicide.But now her picture is also not enough.My suicidal thought are at their peak.Please help me guys.
I guess its just a matter of days for me now.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Had a bad day So, yesterday was a very tough day for me.
This is the Midterm week, and (unfortunately) I have Presentation and Midterm for Management on the same day, Friday. This whole week I already have 4 tests and it's been very stressful for me. Anyway, I didn't do the Management test well. Only half of it. We then had the presentation. I f***** it up. I was numb for almost 5 minutes not knowing what to say. I was completely frozen. Being a non-native English speaker making me feel very hard to speak up. I also always feel someone gonna judge me because of my voice, my face, how do I look. (I was bodyshamed when I was in High School) I just felt very bad.
I only came back home until 10 pm. Then I found out my motorbike was taken by the police cause I parked where I was not supposed to park. Then I contacted them and they said I had to pay 800 to get my bike back. The problem is, I am on the edge of BROKE. I don't have much money less. I (again) feel very bad about my self. I feel like I let my parents down. I use their money too much. Not a good kid. I lied to my father when he asked how much money I had left in my account. I said a lot, which is not, and I'm always afraid he's gonna find out and I don't want to see him angry/sad.
I don't have friends. All of my friends already left me to go back to their country. It was a shock to me and when I started college (6 months ago) I just didn't want to talk to people. I'm afraid they gonna leave me if I start to get close to them.
I...think about hurting my self recently. I did when I was in High school but then I stopped cause I cut too much and my parents started to ask. Anyway, I'm not gonna do it but I don't know why I just think about it. Hurting my self, knock my self out. I just want to stop for a minute.
I know I should start finding a part-time job right now. Or what is past is past, but it just feels very sad.
I just want to write something down. So I write it here.
Have a good day!
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self.depression
|
I’ve done really well with my anxiety lately but after a sleepless night I’m worried I won’t ever sleep again. What can I do? Basically the title
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self.Anxiety
|
I drove through the drive-thru to get my food instead of walking in and sitting down... I wish I didn't have to leave the house and reveal my hideous face to the public and child height (I'm a 5'4" dude).
I'm just so done with my life.
Before you tell me its going to get better, no it fucking is not.
No it fucking is NOT in my head.
I don't understand why people cannot accept that some people are ugly. There is evolutionary psychology that says that looks are not subjective and genetic signals of attraction make a diff.
Every other day, I cry myself to bed and just hope that at least my dreams will have a different reality. They often do. False reality of me walking across the mall or park holding hands with an imaginary gf and us both getting ice cream. I wake up with tears shortly before walking to my bathroom and see my face that looks like it was run through a fucking meat grinder as I brush my teeth just to remind myself why it is just a dream and probably won't ever be a reality.
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self.depression
|
I know this isn’t really supposed to be about reddit but I promise this is relevant to me Sometimes I just feel like nothing I do goes right, and sometimes I feel like, even if I posted the exact same comment in a reddit post as one of the top comments at the same time they did, somehow I would wind up getting down voted instead. And for some reason this fear bothers me more than the fear of messing up regularly. Like I feel like messing up in a place where I’m completely anonymous, and anyone could potentially agree with me, would be an even bigger blow to my confidence than messing up in real life.
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self.depression
|
Honestly don't know where else to go Honestly, I am lost... I don't know where to go to and this is my only outlet at the moment. I'm just at my breaking point, I'm at the point where my depression had completely taken over to the point where i'm thinking about suicide 24/7, hurting myself, and I'm starting to believe my son would be better off without me. It's like I get better and then it always comes back... I just don't know how to live with this constant pain and constant self hatred any longer. I was in an abusive relationship for almost 3 years and it really fucked me up... like it has destroyed me and he has changed who I am and every thing about how I feel about myself and who I am... I can't stop internalizing it and hurting myself... I feel like i deserve this and I don't even know how this happened.
A few months ago I barely even realized I was in an abusive relationship... and suddenly its so clear. I'm completely broken.... Im so strong and I have let one person destroy me and beat me down to the point where I don't see how I can ever be okay again....I would do anything to make this pain go away. It's just one thing after another... I have suffered with depression for 6 years and its just one thing after another... I just think it will never get better and I can't deal with this forever.
I've been to treatment so many times... I just want to give up, I can't feel this pain anymore
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self.depression
|
How to deal with relationship anxiety? This is a long story and explaination but basically me and my long distance boyfriend met off a game that was a MMORPG. We have been dating for about 8.5 months officially but have not met yet. He says he is planning to see me at the end of April as he is caught up with work, and I can’t visit over there yet due to money and school. Our relationship has been really rocky as of late, we tend to fight a lot but he tells me he still loves me when he is no longer mad. He also has some anger issues that he needs to work out, because of this he is often short tempered and won’t tolerate some of my bad habits. Don’t get me wrong I’m not perfect myself which is why I forgive him when we get into a big fight and sometimes he says hurtful things because he is angry. I have an anxiety disorder and have anxiety problems so I often overthink and overworry that he will break up with me or end up with someone better or prettier in real life. I think he is very good looking and other girls would probably think so. He tells me I am overthinking and I have nothing to worry about and im just as good looking, but he trusts me. I want to trust him because hes never done anything wrong to lose my trust over another girl or cheating on me.
Yesterday his real life best mate tried to set him up with his girlfriend’s sister. His mate doesn’t know about our relationship because we’ve never met yet and he met me off a game. He never thought in a million years that he would date someone off the net and would think it was cringe before he met me. So, he never told his friend about me and I fully understand because some of my not so close friends don’t know about him. Well his mate felt like his girlfriend’s sister was getting jealous of his relationship because she was over while they were having sex, and she looked at them with a dirty eye and seemed a bit jealous. His best friend begged for him to come over to their place and try to set him up with the girlfriend’s sister. Then the girlfriend came on the phone and tried to make him feel bad about not going, and I can’t help but feel like the sister really wanted to meet my boyfriend because of how his mate made him sound like a super nice guy.
My boyfriend told me all this and even let me hear on the phone about his mate asking, telling me I have nothing to worry about. Hes not going and he kept making excuses to them saying hes not going. Because I have such bad anxiety issues and I overthink a lot, I get worried that if they were to ever meet and because its his best mate, he will fall for her and get with her instead because she is closer to him. I think shes decently pretty too…? I tend to overthink a lot and I’m not sure what to do…. I feel like the idea of him hooking up with her instead in the future is driving me crazy. After awhile he got mad at me for asking him “what if” questions like what if she were to make a move on him and flirt with him closely. I don't know how to stop these negative upsetting thoughts and its always been a struggle for me. I tend to make up what if scenarios in my head like, what if hes at a party or at his friends and meets a really pretty girl he hits it off better with.
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self.Anxiety
|
The world is as we see it. Then we build it. We have many different definitions as to what is built. We take things for granted. I've seen chairs made with heart and incredible skill to make a chair but we each have our own established view we relate to a chair. Every leaf, every finger print. Everything is unique so understanding that, we must value things more including the unique self. The perspective we can understand is limited but the whole truth is what happened in time. Seasons change and we absorb what our environment has given us. The trees will look different after good rain. The fields will look healthy with sunshine. Rare items and experiences are out there. It's all a subjective choice as to what is beauty and where we hold it. I find rare treasures in people. When I see happiness I fall in love and I want to help it grow. I see beauty in many things, from a sunset to art. We've been blessed with the ability to communicate and understand another perspective in such detail. That is the wind that carries the seeds of thought. That is how you share your seeds of happiness. Creating the world you can observe.
I've hit a low part in my life right now. It's become really hard in my life to accept the love of others. I want someone to trust and love me.
I feel so weak. My wind doesn't flow. My rivers are drying. I'm created a wasteland that was once an paradise. I see nothing but mirages when I think I see life.
Take care of the world. Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. If I am one with the world then the world should be one with you.
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self.offmychest
|
trying to stop mania my girlfriend and i just broke up which has caused me a lot of distress. we are long distance and i had a non-refundable ticket to see her so now i’m kinda stuck going in a cycle of repeating the past. the past 2 days ive been drinking and letting myself go on a manic binge. does anyone have any tips and tricks to help deal with it other thank drinking? thanks!!
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self.bipolar
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How do you handle yourself when you know people are talking shit about you? [removed]
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self.depression
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I am a straight married woman ., but But I love women. They are literally beautiful. Not sure if would be romantically attracted to them, and I’ve never acted on any impulses. Idk how to explain it. I’ve been to full nude bars with my husband. And it was all great.
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self.offmychest
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Does anyone have a tattoo that covers their self harm scars? If so, how well did it cover up the scar? I have a visible scar on my left wrist that never healed correctly. I took the stitches out myself a week after I got them so I created this huge laceration scar I normally hide with a watch.
I’ve been teetering back and forth about getting a tattoo to cover it but I have a lot of questions. I looked up photos and a good percent of them you can still see the scars, and mine is very uneven and varies in height. I wouldn’t even know what to get, or if the ink would hold inside my scar (my friend is a tattoo artist and she brought this to my attention), and lastly, I don’t know if I really want to cover it.
It’s a reminder in its own way so part of me wants to leave it be while the other part is seeking a creative alternative.
So if you have gotten a tattoo that covered up your scar(s), how did it work out for you?
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self.bipolar
|
I wish there was a pause button in real life I need everything to stop right now
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self.depression
|
I Found What I Was Looking For I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in April 2012. I've struggled with the illness since I was twelve-years-old, and initially I was diagnosed with unipolar depression. I've been hospitalized more than ten times. I've been suicidal countless times. Without my medication I experience so many manic breakdowns-breakdowns that are terrifying.
I came to terms with my illness in October 2016, after losing someone that I love with all my heart. When this person severed our relationship, I realized that I needed my medication to make the paranoia, the delusions, and the recklessness go away. It was through this loss that I saw the light.
But, it was as of recently that I realized the way I treated people and myself, and my perspective in life was also unacceptable. I have a strong support network, but I disclosed everything under the sun to anyone who would listen which is not good for anyone's self-esteem.
I was the proverbial empty barrel that made noise-all the contents of my barrel would spill out into the ocean that is life. I was unable to love myself, so I sought that love in others. I revealed everything about myself in the hope that someone else could soothe my pain, only to scare away people that just wanted a healthy relationship with me. I am sharing my story because medication saved me from the mania, but it was mindfulness that saved me from myself.
I realized all the love I need is within myself, and that I don't need to turn to others to soothe my emotions when meditation coupled with medication can lead one to find the peace and bliss we are all looking for.
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self.bipolar
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Think my boyfriend (23M) may be depressed (22F), advice on how to help? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
OPEN LETTER TO MY BOYFRIENDS EX WIFE Dear Miss Ma’am,
I’m sure you didn’t ever expect to have me In your life just as I never expected you in mine, but let’s start at the beginning. When I first met Man he was resignedly in love with you. And yes. I used the word resignedly because frankly that is what it was. He wasn’t with you because you made him a better person or lifted him up in life. He was with you because he thought he has no choice. You can deny it all you want but if you asked him he would agree. He thought that you were just his lot in life and there was nothing he could do about it. When we first started talking he told me that he was in love with you and had no intention of leaving you, which I respected (which I’m sure you would disagree with- considering the incredibly rude email you sent me ). I just talked to him. He told me about all the INCREDIBLY ABUSIVE things you put him though over the years. He told me these were “isolated incidents” even though I kept showing him the pattern of repeatedly abusive behavior. I practically had a chart with all of your offenses on it. Regardless of my best efforts, he still stated that he was going to stay with you. I had no intention of us getting together at first. However, I WAS going to get him to see what what you had done to him and the relationship that y’all had formed was TOXIC and he needed to get out. So I just kept spending time with him. Over time he developed feelings for me as you realized ( and then HYSTERICALLY got ANGRY at him for after YOU were fucking Luke and who knows who else behind his back- and you had told him you had an open relationship) that he loved me. Once this happened you resorted to calling me a ADULTERESS IN FRONT OF YOUR OWN CHILDREN... WHEN ONE OF YOUR OWN CHILDREN IS LITERALLY A BASTARD!!! And to slashing his tires which resulted in YOUR OWN SON couldn’t get to an even get to a band event. Let me put it to you like this: I understand the stress one goes through when you have an abortion. I have had one myself. However, apparently you think your “killing babies” and you want to continue to bring kids into this world when you KNOW IN YOUR HEART that you NEVER wanted children. Reason I had my abortion was bc I wasn’t ready to have kids. I understand that MAN “made” you have three abortions and we have spoken at length about this. And frankly as someone who doesn’t want to birth my own children much less take care of them I get that. However, I don’t think it was right of him to force you. It is your choice but you also had no right to make him stay to raise them. I also know that he stayed of his own accord and I wasn’t there during that time, but the fact that you basically talked him into being the father for YOUR FIRST DAUGHTER is LITERALLY ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY APPALLING that you ILLEGALLY put his name on the birth certificate ( I know part of it was his doing also, so y’all share the blame) Your probably wondering why I feel entitled to say these things period. Let me get to that now. Your a LITERAL ADULTERER. I get to say that because I used to be the exact same person as you. I used to barely be able to keep my panties on or my lady bits inside my jeans. I used to cheat on my boyfriends all the time, and end up losing them because they found out or because I got too damn bored. The literal fact that your own (at the time) husband had to sit there and 'console' you through a 'break up' is HYSTERICAL. NO ONE SHOULD EVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT PERIOD. FIRST MAN YOU HAD AN ILLEGITIMATE CHILD WITH bailed and he was smart to. I would never trust any child with you frankly, how you are a 'decent' mom in his eyes is beyond me. MAN stayed to help you raise YOUR FIRST CHILD which was nice, and this was your FIRST CHILD OUT OF WEDLOCK. So that brings me to the whole SECOND OTHER GUY THING thing. From what he has told me you didn't even tell SECOND GUY that you were married at all until he had already knocked you up. Which is frankly not okay, I don't give a single solitary fuck about what ya'll had agreed to, I'm here to tell you that it wasn't right. And the reason it wasn't is because MAN wasn't really okay with it. He didn't want to do it but ya'll already had a kid together, so at least if SECOND GUY is around he will help out (which is one of the more fucked up points in this situation) it would maybe be okay. THIS WAS YOUR SECOND CHILD WHILE YOU WERE MARRIED TO ANOTHER PERSON. I know marriage means different things to different people, but ya'll's situation is ridiculous. He was NEVER okay with you having TWO WHOLE beings without him. Why you begged him to stay with you after SMART BASTARD WHO LEFT YOU left is beyond me. I would have been so ASHAMED that I had even gotten myself in this predicament in the first place, I never would have even asked...I would have just left myself. But not you, you always somehow found a way to manipulate him into staying. One of the things MAN and I have continued to struggle with in our relationship is him protecting you. Time and time again, we have had arguments about how ya'll's relationship has continued to define us. Let me be clear. THE ONLY THING THAT YALL SHARE ANYMORE IS THE KIDS. THATS IT. NOTHING ELSE. He ain't picking up cat food for you on the way, or cigarettes or anything. I don't care. He is mine now, and you have to deal with that. Throughout our relationship, there are agreements he made with you without consulting or asking me how I feel. Let me think, I didn't think he needed to give you half of his 401k, fact of the matter is, I saw that money as damages for the mental and physical abuse that you made him endure over the years. He disagreed and he won, but I'm here to tell you that I hope you blow all your money on your stupid ticket crap and don't have anything left over. It's always poor fucking MISS MAAM. Oh well MISS MAAM doesn't have a car.... WHO'S NAME IS ON THE VAN?? MANS. Who paid for it? MAN, so no you didn't get that car. Well MISS MAAM doesn't have a license... AND WHO WAS IT WHO GOT HER LICENSE TAKEN AWAY... not MAN, MISS MAAM. Well, she doesn't have car (got your license taken away for dwi) or health insurance, how any of those things are MANS problem I will never understand but what I do know is he is a good man who made them his problem. Even when he had me yelling in his ear that I didn't think that it was right that he did those things, the good thing is that when he thinks something is right, he does it. The PROBLEM with this is the fact that you being a bipolar, schizoid, BPD (basically PSYCHOPATH) you made him unable to see where the 'acceptable' line is. And because you got your parasitic claws into him so early, he had no frame of reference except yours which is what he ended up going with. The fact that you were still up to the end of October still behaving as a parasitic leech and mooching off of him has seriously hindered our relationship. I'm sure that you don't care about any of that since you think I ended your marriage, but let me tell you the TRUTH, BECAUSE HE WON'T. You ended your own fucking marriage when you fucked another man while married to him, got knocked up etc. That's when your marriage ended. You can tell your self whatever rationalization you need to to sleep at night, but I'm telling you in the normal world, PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THAT CRAP. So if I can give you some advice for YOUR CURRENT MAN, stop being a ADULTRESS. The end. Lastly, one of the things I really think you need to consider is counseling. You are never going to be able to have anything meaningful until you seek help for yourself. You also need to get a real job and stop MESSING around like your still 21, because your not. Your 34 and your way past time to get your life together. You need to stop drinking, smoking and swearing around them, staying out till all hours and working in bars. The kids know what you do and 'going out' is not an acceptable reason to leave the house btw. This is where the part of "No none will hire me, I have a record..." comes in. Two things. 1. I googled a list of 100 companies in the USA that hire felons. Sure most of them are in fast food and retail, but guess fucking what --heres the second thing--, you should a thought about that before you tried to assault MAN.... (twice). Next is the 'oh I don't have a car', see previous rant about it being your fault your in this mess and all you have ever done is suck the life out of people. Why not instead of LITERALLY BEING A PARASITIC LEECH ON LITERALLY EVERYONE, MAYBE you try being nice and giving back to people. One of the things MAN has always said to me is 'Well shes' getting better' Which to I always respond, no she isn't. The only slightly acceptable note you have send him is the one today about the email (which hysterically was sent in text form). You know, if you have never heard you get more results with honey than you do with vinegar, I'm telling it to you now, because it could literally be the reason that you will never get anything you want. If you continue to try and manipulate people instead of actually working with them, you will always be who you always were, instead of trying to work toward something. And that will be YOUR LOT IN LIFE.
TLDR; Open letter to my boyfriends ex wife. Boyfriend got divorced from his ex wife, who tried to kill him twice, had two children with other men out of wedlock and that he continued to financially support for almost our entire relationship. Just needed to get this out there.
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self.offmychest
|
What do you guys do when you just feel like garbage and want to curl into a ball and cry or just be sedated/unconscious? I had a good rally this last couple months but an unrelated medical issue has derailed the momentum I was building to get out of my rut. Now I feel like a puddle and just don't want to hear my thoughts or anything. Everything makes me uncomfortable/anxious and I don't want to talk to anyone because I will have to be fake happy or bring them down. I just want to skip this day.
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self.bipolar
|
I have to sell something to a person tomorrow and i literally just broke down in tears from anxiety, cause i forgot i had to face another human being and make a complete fool out of myself in order to gain some cash i would rather die, honestly.
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self.depression
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I have no one to talk to.. Won't someone talk to me? I don't know if I can go much longer with no one to talk to...
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self.depression
|
it’s my birthday and i’ll cry if i want to. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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This past weekend showed me who my friends really are. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
(TW abuse) Friend just made extremely concerning post, should I call the police/what should I do? I don't even know if this is the "correct" thread to put this in, but fuck it, I am SCARED and I NEED answers, and AH. I'm sorry. Ok. So basically, a childhood friend who I've reconnected with has been posting VERY concerning things about her child's father abusing her. Just 20 minutes ago, she posted a photo of her neck badly scratched, bruised, and bleeding, and explained that he'd come into her house through a window, broke her phone, beat her, and stole her son. She made no mention of calling the police. I am on the other side of the country. I have NO idea what to do to support her and assure that this "man" goes to prison/gets a restraining order. I've been worrying about her for months, but this is the first time she's ever posted a photo of the aftermath of a fight, and I'm freaking the fuck out right now. I remember being hit, and I just don't want ANYONE to experience it. Someone, please, help, should I call the police from across the country and explain what's going on and my concern for her and her son's safety? I've been debating calling 911 for ~15 minutes & I'm about to hyperventilate.
UPDATE: The police have been notified. I hesitated because I didn't have an address, but they got all the info, and let me know they'd see what they could do.
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self.bipolar
|
Worried about first day back to school So I’m on holiday right now, but I’m scared of when I go back to school bcz Im taking extra days of. I’m gonna miss a lot of stuff and what if the timetable changes I won’t know where to go. I’m so shy I can’t talk or ask anyone and i don’t have any friends either. Plsss help me. What should I do?
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self.Anxiety
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I hate life Like, I actually despise life. I've resigned myself to the fact that that's never going to change.
Objectively my life is good.. But yet I'm full of misery and despair all the time.
And its everything.. The actual mechanics of living.. Body maintenance, eating well, exercise, hair, work.. I'm sick and tired of it.
And to go through another 30-50 years of this? No thanks. I don't want. So why do I have to go through this?
I mean, there are a few small joys in life. But they are fleeting and certainly don't make the suffering worthwhile in any meaningful way.
I didn't choose this. Or ask for any of it.
There's just nothing that makes me feel good for even a few hours.
I've been in therapy.. My psychologist doesn't want to see me anymore. I've been on a roulette of pills with little positive effect and a barrage of negative side effects.
I just give up.
I'm ready to kill myself any day now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Is memory affected by anxiety and depression? I had severe anxiety earlier this year and recovered dramatically. Was almost completely free of anxiety for the past 3 months. But I fear it's resurfacing again. I have trouble sleeping and often wake up in the morning with anxious thoughts. Also I am getting nightmares quite often now.
Lately ever since my anxiety started resurfacing, I am forgetting things- a lot of details at work. I am getting yelled at by my boss for that, which increases my anxiety. I just wonder if I am just faced with too much information to handle ( my office is grossly understaffed), or this problem with memory is hereditary or maybe something to do with my anxiety?
Sorry it turned out to be a general rant than a question. I just want to know if anxiety affects memory.
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self.Anxiety
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Depressed and alone Recently every single one of my close friends have gotten into relationships, leaving me a lot of alone time. I tend to become somewhat depressed almost anytime I'm alone, and now that I'm alone while everyone else is in a happy relationship, it's thrown me into a pretty deep depression. On top of that, it hurts that my best friends, who I used to spend every free second with, now barely have time for me. And that feeling makes me feel selfish, because I really am happy for them. I've been in bed all day, and it's driving me crazy, but I literally don't even know what to do. I don't feel like talking to anyone or getting up, but at the same time I don't want to just do nothing. I can't stop wondering what's wrong with me, why my friends have no issue finding a relationship, but I do. I hate that I can't really talk to them about this, I don't want to make them feel bad. I just feel kinda lost right now, and extremely lonely. I just have no one to talk to about this, so I figured I'd vent here.
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self.depression
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Fading away Just need to vent a bit.
I wish I could just effortlessly fade from existence, but I know that's impossible. I'm not going anywhere unless I take action to make that happen. I've been tapering off my meds in the hope that will make me bold enough to actually commit suicide, but the time I have to spend awaiting that moment feels interminable.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Today I had my last ever day at my job After four years at the same dead end place I’m finally moving on onto bigger and better things. I’ll be earning more money, have more responsibility and - on top of it all - I’ll be living in BERLIN! It’s going to be awesome.
Don’t get me wrong, this position had its perks and truly opened doors for me. But it was going nowhere and had run its course.
I got tearful as I said goodbye to my oldest work friend after dinner and drinks this eve. The girl who started when I started and was there alongside me through all the changes. Who supported me during one of the toughest patches of my life earlier this year. Who knows me so well and always makes me laugh. I’ll miss her most; in fact she’s the only thing I’ll truly miss about this job.
Thank you D for being amazing and I know this isn’t goodbye - we’ll always be a part of the original dream team. Miss you already.
Goodbye old life, hello new.
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self.offmychest
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Every day I feel like I wanna die Since the last year, I have felt like I want to end it all. Let me give you a backstory. I am 16 years old and have survived from multiple infectious diseases, mainly Lyme Disease. I am currently a straight A student at a vocational school, and my brain is unmatched. However, because I am somewhat disabled, I have a plan in my school to account for this. Many kids have harassed me, and some have not become my friends because of this. I am very popular in my school because I am very intelligent. The feeling starts when I leave school, and I go home. My mom always starts yelling at me or cursing at me because I cannot gain any weight or my posture is bad or some other stupid reason. Whenever she talks about any of these conditions, she does research, but she also talks about the cost spent to heal me. Every day I am feeling more and more depressed because I feel like all she does is yell and scold me. She makes me feel horrible about myself that I want to drink rat poison and get it over with. She is also thinking of me taking a year off from school. I don't want to lose my friends and my knowledge! Especially at junior year, the hardest year in school. I like my friends and want to graduate to college with them. I want to become a surgeon, but mom makes me feel that I am not worthy to live or become a surgeon. She just wants me to be her prized show-dog, the kid who survived Lyme and is perfectly healthy. She keeps talking about spiritual stuff that is not real, and she keeps saying that she is an "evolved" being. I do not understand why my mother has to be a bully to me 24/7/365. She cares more about her business than me, and she calls every behavior an addiction. For example, if I am on the computer doing work, she calls it a computer addiction, even though I have tons of schoolwork every day. The only semblance I get is from my dad because I feel like I can talk to him. However, if I talk to him, I think he will rat to mom, and she'll get angry at me. I do not want a response saying "it's OK" or "call this number" I have tried that. Please help, it may be my last words
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self.SuicideWatch
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My depression caused by other people. I feel as if a lot of people walk around like their better than me and I don't know why. I can sense them just looking down on me and judging me on my character and they don't even know me. I don't know if it's in my head or if some people are really like this. Is it the way I dress? Is it the way I look? Do I not meet there expectations as a bystander? Like fuck, I was blessed and randomly put on this earth to be me, yet people can be so judgmental especially over things I can't control.
Does anyone else have this problem?
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self.depression
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Does anyone else experience flattened mood and affect unless manic or depressed? One of the big signs that I'm coming up is when I suddenly can express my thoughts and feelings. Whenever I'm feeling stable or depressed, it's like I'm incapable of expressing any emotion or going beyond small talk with even people who are close to me. It's as if I'm afraid to show any of myself. The only person I can be myself around is my best friend. I feel like I can finally be my weird self around him and he'll totally understand because he's weird too. Other than that, whenever I run into family members or people I have to work with and they ask me things like "how was so and so?" and I'll just respond with something like "okay I guess" using as few words as possible. I'm also unable to express any emotion whenever something funny or sad happens. I can watch hilarious TV shows and recognize that something is funny, but I can never get the laughter out. I wasn't even able to cry when I found out my grandmother died. I was completely flat during the whole funeral. I didn't really feel anything and I felt horrible about that.
Anyway, I noticed that when I'm up, I'm suddenly able to show my feelings and share my real thoughts. I feel more of a social connection to people. I also feel a bit too emotional when I see something that even remotely evokes feelings. I'd start tearing up over music or emotional scenes in games, movies, or TV shows or laugh at even the stupidest jokes like the really bad ones you see in some commercials. I actually cried happy tears during that episode of The Office where Jim and Pam get married haha.
I digress. Basically the **tl;dr** is I was just wondering if anyone else experienced similar restricted emotional expression when not manic or depressed.
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self.bipolar
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What would be the easiest way to kill your self [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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bit off my nails to distract myself and now i feel worse, (female) [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I fucking can't. I see no other way out. please help, everyone else is ignoring me. I fucking hate my parents. I hate how I look. I hate my body, I hate my face. I hate my life. I hate the people around me. I hate being a lesbian. I hate being a single virgin. I hate being 17.
I'm fucking pissed about my fucking best friend right now, I haven't spoken to her in a month. She claims to be busy but she fucking isn't, all she's doing is hanging out with her boyfriend. Both her and her boyfriend fucked me over, they outed me from the closet. Fuck them. I hate how they're so happy together when I'm here going to fucking kill myself for being a stupid single lesbian virgin. It's not fucking fair, not to mention my ex-best friend also outed me. Fuck every single person I know. I can't trust no one.
I want to end everything, I have no one. I hate being a lesbian. I'm fucking ugly (at least to me). I want someone to fucking kill me. I want cancer, fucking kill me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Sometimes depression is caused by life genuinely being pretty fucking depressing [deleted]
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self.depression
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Afraid to see my best friend after suicide attempt. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm stuck and lonely its hard to think, I keep hearing my parents talk downstairs.
and any time my mom calls me I RUN as fast as I can but I'm still too slow, and I changed my clothes the other day and my dad said I was taking too long and my bro said "yeah, it should only take me, like, a second" but I was doing it as fast as I could
and my keyboard keeps shaking/rumbling making annoying noises as I type this but the things that make it stand up or not seem to be fine aah I lifted up the keyboard to check and I think I hear my parents wondering why I'm making noise. This house is so un-soundproof.
And earlier my mom really was harassing me.
I wish I had online friends =( I just really wish I had people to talk to =(
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self.Anxiety
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had a dream with my bp as a person, oy She would keep coming onto me, but then later put me in some wild situation that nobody else seemed to perceive where I would be reactive and nobody would. Then we'd have down time where she'd just inundate me with all the horrible situations in the world, then comfort me. In the seconds before I woke up, I was screaming "I'm taking pills to make you go away! I love you so much but you keep hurting me!" Then we both burst into tears and I woke up crying. What the fuck! Fuck you, brain!
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self.bipolar
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update: got taken to a crisis center best friend saw my reddit posts. called my sister. she called the police. im now being “willingly” admitted into a mental health crisis hospital.
thank you everyone for your messages. i really was about to fuck up everything. my best friend cared enough to get me some real help immediately. i’ll keep you updated. please pray for me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm in a really bad depressive state and all I can think about is killing myself. HOW DO I GET THROUGH THIS? First and foremost, no therapist on this planet can sit with me when I'm in this state of mind. I'm lost within the pain. So. So. Lost.
My mental health has effected every area of my life, my family, my friendships, my relationships, my jobs, my physical health. I have literally no desire to live anymore because ALL IVE DONE since I first started feeling erratic at 14 is push and push and push to try just to EXIST like a normal human being. It's SHEER TORTURE. I am not capable of doing this anymore. I lost my dream job because I had an outburst, and I'm dealing with a severe eating disorder that has basically been the only thing I've had for such a long time. I live in envy of the people who can walk through life caring a million times less but feeling fulfilling a million times more.
I've tried it all. I HAVE. NOTHING WORKS OUT. I consistently fail. I hate trying to develop relationships with people, because people ALWAYS let me down, or abandon me. I mean, I know I'm shit.
Please just give me a reason why I should keep fighting my brain when I will always lose?
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self.bipolar
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Bipolar Support Group So I'm giving this one more shot and going to a support group this Wednesday. Does anyone here have any experience going to a support group? What was it like? What did you do? Do you guys all sit in a circle like AA meetings?
I'm actually kind of excited to go because it'd be nice to be around people who know what it's like to be like this. Im really hoping I don't get let down. I know that over psyching things in my head is a huge part of the problem but I can't help it. I'm in a huge depressive phase right now and I need something to look forward to. Even if I have to go to some support group in a hospital.
I have big plans for next Friday and I'd hate to cancel but if this support group can change my mind I'm sure that would save a ton of people all kinds of grief.
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self.bipolar
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If you've tried one SSRI, is trying another pointless? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I can't see a future It should be golden, right? For a more or less straight-A student, life should be easy, if you know what you're doing. I don't know what I'm doing. University, employment, current studies, social life, everything's piling up on me at the moment and I don't know how to deal with any of it. I don't know what I want to do in the future, so I don't know what qualifications I need, so I don't know what university to go to, or even to go at all, but I'm running out of time and everyone's breathing down my neck about it. I'm infamous for being a poor decision maker.
It's not even that I don't know what to do in the future, it's more that I can't envisage a future. People like to think of themselves in ten, twenty years in variations of "good job with a future, happy relationship", stuff like that. I can't see myself in any of that. I can't envisage myself in a relationship. Maybe I'm not completely unlovable, but I don't know how much I could love someone else. I need the warmth of human contact and compassion, but I wouldn't be able to stand so complex an interpersonal relationship. I know if only be in it to make myself feel good and I'm disgusted by my selfishness.
The future is fast approaching and I'm ill equipped to deal with it. I guess I'll meander some more until my life takes all the way down this alley to the inevitable dead end. I won't make it past thirty and at least by then, I'll likely feel more justified in killing myself then than I do now. I don't want to say I have depression, since it hasn't been diagnosed by a professional, and I'm not sure it could be diagnosed as such. Whatever it is, I've been feeling it for over a year now. I thought I was past it in the last few months, but it's been gradually coming back and I don't want to deal with it again. I already managed to push a close friend away and made them hate me because of it.
Ive been so unproductive over the last few weeks and I hate it, which makes me hate myself, which paralyses me with guilt and loathing and makes me more unproductive and on and on it goes. I've skipped back into the habit of cutting my arm recently. Thought I was past that too, but I guess not. I don't think I do it for the cut itself; not for the pain, not the blood, though those are factors. Rather, just holding the blade to my arm, feeling the cold steel, has an uncanny power to calm me. I could just cut my wrist and be done with it. It would be better to go soon than to see where the future takes me.
I can't, though. Not now. There's the general excuses of parents and friends being sad. There's also a couple of teachers to consider as well. A couple of weeks ago, another student killed herself and it hit my history teacher hard in particular. He's concerned about the mental health of his students. I should talk to him. What would I say? What would he do? It scares me. I suppose I'll remain as my weak, indecisive, meandering excuse for a self.
I'm not going to kill myself tonight. Perhaps not any night soon. But the thought is always there, even when I thought I was getting better. It's always in the back of my mind, along with the self-loathing. Every little thing that goes wrong, every negative feeling and the first response is, "better die". I hate this about myself. I hate talking about this. I sound like the perfect archetypal moody, self-absorbed angsty teenager. Maybe I should have posted this to r/OffMyChest.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Help convince me I don't need to be perfect to find success. Sorry in advance for the long post. If you don't feel like reading it all skip to the tl;dr at the bottom.
I am currently a senior at George Washington University majoring in International Affairs. It's an undergrad program in the top 10 in the world, and I am on pace to graduate with a GPA somewhere in the 3.75-3.8 range.
The problem is that's not good enough. I have no chance of getting a job here in DC after I graduate unless I make it through some highly selective alternative to traditional employment, such as getting a Boren scholarship or volunteering in the Peace Corps. I don't believe I'm a competitive applicant for those programs for the same reason I'm not competitive for jobs: I lack work experience. I've interned the past two summers and did a work study one semester, along with working a non-intellectual summer job for a few years. However, none of these jobs or internships were specifically in my field. This pales in comparison to other students at my school, even those who aren't the most ambitious, and in international affairs work experience and connections are everything.
Unfortunately, I simply am not capable of interning during the semester and doing well at my schoolwork. I know now the reason I haven't been able to keep up throughout the years was undiagnosed ADHD. I also know that once I was diagnosed and put on medication this semester, no one prepared me for a side effect of spending way, way more time writing papers (think 10 hours a page even with an outline) - apparently this can happen if you're already detail-oriented and prone to perfectionism.
Intellectually, I know I shouldn't blame myself for not being able to maintain a busy schedule when I have a disability that directly affects time management.
I also know my self-worth shouldn't be based on grades. It shouldn't affect me to know people in my major who graduated with 3.8s while working and/or interning, but it does. It makes me feel absolutely worthless. I've never seen myself as a genius but I figured I was capable enough that if I struggled in a subject I'm good at, most people who are not geniuses would also struggle. Clearly this isn't the case if people can get GPAs equivalent to mine or better while doing 100 other activities. Being hard-working and intelligent are right below being a good person in terms of my identity and self-worth, and I'm being so outplayed by such a large group of people that it doesn't feel accurate to call myself either of those things any more. This problem relates to being a good person too. I didn't come into this field looking to become the Secretary of State or make a ton of money. I just wanted to study conflict and development and hopefully use that knowledge to make the world a slightly better place. Unfortunately tons of other students want that too, and thousands of them are better than me in every way an employer can measure. I've lost (or more accurately, am being crushed by the knowledge I never had) the chance to make even a small difference in the world in a field I'm passionate about, and I can't even be mad or jealous because plenty of my fellow students are perfectly nice and compassionate. I don't believe life overall is a zero-sum game, but at this stage of my life getting an entry-level job is. I don't have the goods, other people do, so I've lost.
Finally, I know you don't need a 3.8 GPA to stand a chance of getting anywhere after graduation. But I still feel I, personally, have absolutely no room for error. One bad sentence in one paper bumps me from an A to an A- in one class? There goes summa cum laude, which would prove I'm an exceptional student to grad schools thinking about whether to take me a few years from now (even the grad schools want a couple years of relevant work experience) or employers thinking about whether to give me a shot at an interview despite my lack of experience. My GPA is literally all I have to make me competitive, and even a 3.8 (not my current GPA and very unlikely to happen at this point) wouldn't put me over the people who have a 3.8+ and multiple publications, better work experience, and more. Anything under 3.8? Even worse.
At this point I think my only option (barring Peace Corps etc) will be to move outside of DC (where most of the best friends I've ever made will be living) and take a job in something unrelated to my field. It kills me to think about because I feel not only is that tantamount to failure, I'm never going to be able to make up the difference between me and the people above me. The fact that my fate could have been sealed in some way by getting a B in a class I took at 18 or by not pushing myself through an internship even if it meant sacrificing everything else (health, any social life at all, etc) kills me too. Now all I can do to try to make up for it is be as perfect as possible...which is incredibly, incredibly difficult at this stage in the game and is eating me alive.
**tl;dr: My above-average GPA is not exceptional enough to get me anywhere, and I don't have the work/internship experience necessary to succeed in a field where unpaid internships for people with Master's degrees are a dime a dozen. Please help me understand how to cope with the enormous pressure I feel to do well at academics - the one thing I know how to do - and help me see my life won't be over when I can't get a job after graduation.**
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self.offmychest
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Don't know why I keep going Yesterday I reached a breaking point. I don't know if I'll be around much longer. I wanna die so bad but I'll probably just pussy out and just make these feelings go back into my head, for them to come out and make me feel like this yet another time after some time
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’ve know for a long time that I’d lost the Genetic Brain Chemistry Lottery I usually lurk for awhile, but this feels safe enough. Truth is, I’ve know for decades that I lost the Genetic Brain Chemistry Lottery. In other words, I’ve been self-medicating nightly for 3 or 4 decades, a moderate to heavy drinker. Odd situations: I worked in a field that drug tested me every 3 months, performed a polygraph every year, and would pull you clearance if they found out you were on anti-psychotics because you were a security risk. But it was fine to keep a bottle in your desk. They finally experienced “Enlightenment” a couple of years back, but old habits die hard for us old hands.
So, after six months of getting the brain chemistry stable (a lot of trial and error in that business). The snakes have been on me long enough. Time to take the depression and anxiety seriously. Also signed up for the stopdrinking reddit.
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self.depression
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Some advice for my friend please? I dated this girl for about a year, before she moved away temporarily for a service opportunity. She’s been gone a few months now, about a year left on the trip, and we’ve been communicating via email. She just confided in me that she’s been having some fairly serious anxiety problems.
She told me “I’ve been having a lot of anxiety, to the point where I just can’t really function or do normal work, like we just have to stay inside for hours until I can breathe again”.
Do any of you have advice for her? Or advice for ways I could help her? I feel like I’m out of my depth here. I’ve had my own bouts of depression (a side effect of my ADHD), but for me that mostly manifested as just “going through the motions” of life, going to school/work, hanging out with friends/family, but never really feeling anything, constantly afraid that somebody would notice what a failure I was.
I’m planning to suggest that she try to write down exactly what makes her anxious, and try to figure out WHY that gets to her. Sometimes that helped me, mostly so I realize that what I’m afraid of is actually not that bad. Other times, though, it has been... counter productive.
Anyway, what would you tell her? What advice have people given that helped you?
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self.Anxiety
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So I’m still here. Back in March, I made a post about not thinking I’ll make it to the end of the year.
I know it’s not technically the end yet but I made it further than I was expecting but thing definitely aren’t better. Life is much worse actually. Honestly, the only reason why I haven’t blown my brains out or hung myself is because I wouldn’t want my mother to see my body. If I wasn’t a loser who still live with his mom almost at the age of 30, things probably would be different.
Sorry for the rambling.
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self.depression
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Girlfriend is depressed and I don't know how to help at all [deleted]
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self.depression
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i have all the materials for suicide. i could die right fucking now if i wanted to. what's the point? my grades are shit, my life feels like shit. i've relapsed, i starve and cut myself. i do drugs regularly. i cant concentrate in class from malnutrition. i cant do anything. im highly dependent on my antidepressants, without them i am a mess 24/7. i hate myself and my body.
im not even 14 yet and i'm already a pathetic waste of air.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I bought a new phone I’m waiting for it to ship but I hope I never see it arrive because I want to be dead before then. My SO is the only thing that’s kept me here this long. I don’t want her to have to deal with my death but I guess she’ll be fine. I always knew I’d leave this way and honestly I’m surprised I got to see my 18th birthday. I just don’t want to be here anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm so damn socially awkward right now Still on the first month of treatment during a hypomanic episode and I met an old friend I haven't seen in a decade today by surprise. Of course in the first 10 minutes of catching up I blurt out that I'd had a mental breakdown a few years back and somehow managed to mention being on antianxiety meds. WTF brain?!
Somehow didn't scare her off though and we're gonna plan a playdate for our kids and she asked me to give her my phone number. Sometimes I really feel like I'm a freaking alien. My cheeks are still burning in embarrassment hours later.
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self.bipolar
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My dog was stolen, almost a year ago now. I hate to put it words I never have. Barely in my own head... I think she's gone for...good.. I just have this impossible feeling. I don't know how to deal with it. Its just an insane amount of anger I hate the thief. How heartless can you be to steal someone's family member? How is that possible? I could never do it! It's even possible for me to get to a point where I'd steal a family member from someone maybe for money... I don't know if she's dead or not at this point... She's "just a dog" to society but to me she's family and I can't stand how I can't find her or she could be dead and if they're caught all they have to do is go to jail for a while. I just can't. I miss her... so...much...
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self.depression
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I've been fighting not to kill myself for over two hours now. I don't want to fight it anymore. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Trouble with Eye movements and Reading - can anyone relate? Hello everyone,
This is a throwaway-ish account because quite honestly, I'm a little embarrassed by the problem I'm facing.
So about a month ago, I became hyper-aware of my eye movements (sounds ridiculous, I know). It started so abruptly and for no apparent reason. I remember reading a news article when all of the sudden, I had trouble focusing my eyes, so being the hypochondriac that I am, I immediately googled this symptom. But at the same time, I became so fixated on the tiny movements your eyes make when reading. It's almost like my eyes can't scan a line of text properly because my mind is trying so hard to take over the process.
Well, long story short, it's been a hell of a month. I still can't read a line of text (and much less a paragraph) without using my finger or a pencil to guide my eyes. Otherwise, they'd jump all over the place. It strains my eyes to browse the internet and my head starts hurting because I'm so fixated on the subtle movements of my eyes. To make matters worse, I now get anxious every time I move my eyes side to side or up and down. It's almost like a performance anxiety.
What's bothering me the most is the possibility that this is all being caused by something sinister like a brain tumor and not OCD/anxiety. I've had many sensorimotor obsessions in the past (e.g. swallowing obsession that's caused me difficulty swallowing) but they've passed because I've realized that anxiety was what caused them. But this obsession with my eyes that has impaired my ability to read is different because I can't find a single person on the internet with a similar affliction.
As a result, I've been an anxious mess over the past month and my fixation on my eyes is only getting worse. I sincerely welcome any ideas and comments on my situation. Honestly, I'm posting here in hopes of reassurance. It would ease much anxiety to find someone who can relate - even just a little bit - to my circumstance.
Thank you.
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self.Anxiety
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Going through ECT (electroshock, electroconvulsive therapy) ama Wall of text. Feel free to skip. I should say my psychiatrist did his fellowship at John Hopkins, the best medical school, and the ect head went to Stanford and is certified in ect and connected to the university here.
I have been diagnosed variously schizophrenia /schizoaffective /and even bipolar 2x. I was in a psych ward and left for dead pretty much at 18, recovered, got B. A, M. A. even taught abroad. Had a very stressful illness in China and whatever medicine they gave either caused or exacerbated some delusional thinking. But I recovered in a major Chinese city on what I assume was sedatives. When I got back to the US I couldn't sleep and eventually went on the antipsychotic paliperidone after trying various medicines including trazodone and got a job teaching English as a second language at a university , but decided to go off the antipsychotic , which went poorly as heavy depression set in again sparked by illness followed by psychosis and hospitalization twice, both psychosis remitting after a few days. Stayed on the paliperidone.
Flash forward to this fall. Eventually decided I'd had enough of the inhuman feeling of paliperidone, I became ridiculously depressed and was having issues with my body freezing in place and moving in genral. One medicine (memantine) I took made me suicidal (I was already kinda suicidal) to the extent that i was arrested for intent (my plan would have jumped off a hotrlbuilding If I had the energy) and involuntarily held in a hospital that my neurologist had suggested I get ect in if Ativan didn't work. (he also diagnosed multifocal dystonia and catatonia, which the catatonia the psychiatrists didn't seem to agree with)
I was lucky because psychotic depression set in mildly after a few days in the psych ward but no one noticed and the next day I had ect. Been through four sessions since. After the first, the suicidality and inability to move much and psychotic depression went away after the first , and, eventually, after a few weeks, I began to feel happy for the first time in at least ten year(since first psych ward) (not on antipsychotics)
I've tried and has bad reactions to pretty much every atypical antipsychotic on the market, and been shot with Haldol at least 4 times. Also tried pristiq and wellbutrin(antidepressants) with suicidal thoughts as side effects for the first one and clonus for the second, which I thought may have to do with serotonin syndrome
Currently taking klonopin 1mg 2x a day only. Psychiatrist thinks some people are not fit for antipsychotics and antidepressants as I always get all the side effects
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self.bipolar
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Revelation I think me being told I shouldn't cry as a kid with addition to me feeling rejected in school contributed to and built up the depression, and some degree of anxiety that I have now.
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self.depression
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I am worthless I am worthless.
There, I have said it. I'm a 43 years old male, no job (not able to get one either), no significant other, no children, no hobbies to speak of, no friends, no communities, of no meaning to others and no achievements in my life.
Why am I still here? What am I still doing?
I wish to be of value, but every step on the way there seems to be something that brings that little bit of meaning to a halt.
Each time I take a step to something which contributes a little bit of meaning to my life, it inevitably falls apart. There are no opportunities in my existence.
I use the word existence, because I am no longer alive.
Today I received the method I will use to go. Still, survival instinct is strong. Perhaps when I get an answer to my questions I will know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Ran out of room on my right leg so now on my left. Wonder what’s next.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I snooped in my boyfriend's laptop and found some upsetting messages. Need advice please [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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My family doesn't believe anxiety is a real disorder and I'm not quite sure I have had it. Whenever I drive or take a test, I feel like I'm constantly falling but won't hit the ground. It's that moment during which you know you're fucked, but that moment lasts half of the day. I had been able to cope with it until yesterday, when during a calculus quiz I realized in the last three minutes I had flipped a concept so more than half of my work was wrong. I wanted to cry and I've been shaking for more than 24 hours. My heart hurts. I had been warning hundreds on every calculus assignment since last semester until now, but I still wanted to cry after each one. Now I know I actually failed.
Maybe I don't have anxiety. Maybe I need something to blame all my emotions and shortcomings on. I really don't know. My heart's racing and it feels real, but being nervous could just be normal. Maybe I'm overreacting.
I'm not asking for a diagnosis of course, but I just needed to get this off my chest.
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self.Anxiety
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Being Bi Polar cost me an important job today, fuck. Had to declare an incident that happened during my 2nd manic episode pre diagnosis. Apparently it made my integrity look bad even though it was all out of character for me and they said I was in their top 3 candidates after the assessment day. Fuck this shit.
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self.bipolar
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Trouble maintaining a job. Hi all. I like most of you suffer from anxiety pretty badly, and i was curious does anyone start a job and have it go well for say a week and then all of a sudden its a nosedive into panic attacks and even being scared to leave yer home???
This has happened to me on like 4 different jobs and it gets to the point where its paralysing. The only advice ive gotten soo far is to just push through it and force myself and i feel thats ok upto a point but now my anxiety is pushing back hard.
I was wondering if anyone has any coping ideas that have helped them maintian a job.
Cheers
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self.Anxiety
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Trying to fix myself wasn't worth it Lately I've been feeling much different. I'm not functional anymore. I can barely get out of bed in the morning. In the past, I was always stressed out and hated myself, but I was still productive and on the outside most people weren't able to tell anything was wrong. At the time, I loved cutting, drinking daily, overeating, and opiates. I used to be able to keep my grades up even if I was showing up sloppy. My life should be better now, I don't use, cut or overeat anymore and I've cut my drinking back significantly. I don't know why I made an effort to better myself if it was just going to land me in a worse situation than when I started.
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self.depression
|
5 Minutes Ago (Poem)  
"Why don't I want to write this?"
 
 
I did.
5 minutes ago.
 
My veins were pulsing
I was ready to flow.
Now...
Now I don't want to.
 
Now, I want to bury myself deeper into the web.
Disappear.
Pull away from my thoughts.
Push away from my feelings.
 
I'm saD.
More than that, really.
 
But I was hAppy.
Only 5 minutes ago,
I was hapPy.
 
5 minutes ago my thoughts were flying
5 minutes ago my face was warm
5 minutes ago? I felt... inCredible.
 
Too incredible.
 
5 minutes ago I had goals
5 minutes ago I had dreams
5 minutes ago there was-
 
purposE.
 
5 minutes ago I was smiling
5 minutes ago I was euphoric
5 minutes ago, nothinG could stop me.
 
Nothing except 5 minutes.
 
Now I feel death. Seek it.
But I can't sleep.
My heart still races.
My thoughts.
 
Adrenaline with nowhere to go.
Adrenaline...
 
 
"If only it was 5 minutes ago."
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
shit. here comes the headache...
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self.bipolar
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Friend found a gf And I'm really happy for him, he deserves it. Anyhow a part of me is envious, good things never happen to me.
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self.offmychest
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Is it just inevitably going to end with me killing myself?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Happy New Years I hope I die on my way to work today
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self.depression
|
dreaming about crush constantly, feeling like shit when I wake up I dream about a crush I used to have (well, at least I think I got over her) occasionally, and when I wake up, I feel really fucking bad. Being so close to her in a dream and then waking up to find out that it was just a dream is the worst feeling I've felt for a long time. I almost burst into tears, I don't think its healthy to be overly-attached like this, I just wanna forget about her or something. I thought I got over her 2 years ago, but it keeps coming back. I've had depression for 5 years and I'm not a nihilist or anything, I believe there is a point in life and I have some sort of motivation, but honestly I just don't feel like doing anything, I can't even cry at this point because I feel empty
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self.depression
|
Anyone got any thought provoking stuff to keep my mind off killing myself? lol Lately I just been thinking about just fading away n shit and how nothin would b different if I wasn't born or some shit. I love deep thinking n all but I think I'm going a lil crazy just thinking about death and how little I'm worth. Does anyone have something fun to do or think about when ya'll get in a dark place? Lmk
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hotlines and therapists are making things worse? I've been dealing with some pretty bad thoughts for a while. I've tried seeking help without much success. Every time I try talking to somebody, they talking about 'self-care', 'distraction', 'self-soothing', etc.
I've been dealing with the feelings for a very long time. Yes, i know how to do those things. Yes, it gets me through another day, but I do not really feel any better. I'm sorry, but your recommendation that 'I watch TV' for the rest of the night does not help. I'm pretty I past the point where that was helpful quite a while before I talked to you.
Some responders do try to find other things to help me, but they always rotate back to this when they realize nothing else is working. Most eventually get annoyed that they can't help and hang out to I guess work with somebody who is less hopeless. By the time I'm done talking to them, I feel more isolated and misunderstand than I did before calling.
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self.SuicideWatch
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People who have quit cutting, what did you do? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Can Cymbalta cause hair loss 22M I started taking cymbalta a little over a month ago and right around that time I started noticing thinning in my hair. It is very apparent in the corners of my widows peak in the front and by my colick in the back.
I brought this up to my psychiatrist and she told me that it is that time of the year people lose hair and that cymbalta doesnt have that as a side effect. Buy I did some looking up online and there are peer reviewed papers detailing it as a potential side effect. Its more prominent in older people though.
Also I havent been anymore stressed then normal this last month though. And definetly not enough for this much loss.
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self.depression
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Just wanted to post my goodbyes. In about 1 to 2 hours( after my parents go to work) im gonna take a shower, dress in my favorite adidas clothing, write my note, load my stepfathers gun, text all the people I love goodbye, call the police to let them know where my body is, and then end it. The only reason im posting this is so that when people on the subs i frequented click my name, they'll understand why I no longer post( I know noone will but this is on the off chance that someone might). I am (was) 18 years old and I love(d) art. To all my friends and family who find this off my suicide note, I'm sorry. To anyone who reads this and feels the way I do, please don't. I may have lost all faith in humanity but that doesn't mean you have to either. Call a suicide hotline, its something I wish I had called earlier but didn't thanks to my severe social anxiety. One last time, Goodbye.
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self.SuicideWatch
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You're engaged now. It's not to me. He's a nice guy, by all accounts. That's good for you; I'm something of a goofy, abrasive prick most of the time and I think you're too kind-hearted for it. But the holidays are here and I found the old scrapbook you once made me as a gesture of our love (why is this thing still in my garage?), so I've been awake for two straight nights tormented by what we had and how I let you get away. It's been almost three years since you and I had a heartfelt exchange of goodbyes, the fondest farewell I've ever given someone. A different woman is asleep in my bed right now and it all seems wrong.
I told you how I'd always wanted to be your hero. When you told me I had succeeded, and that I'd been a great companion, lover, and friend to you, I had hoped that I'd have an easier time knowing that you'd never look back on what we had with scorn or regret.
Not so.
Instead I think about what I've learned and how I've grown since then, and I'm positive I could have been so much better for you. We got out at a bad time, sold low and fatuously discarded six years of star-crossed love. You're not here to see, but I've made it now - I've grown into a more honest and transparent and confident person. I'm kinder, more charming, more positive. I've got a home I'd have shared with you and money enough to fill it with nice things.
And yes, I know. We didn't do enough talking about how we felt. We locked off too much of ourselves and lost something priceless so doing. I'll never get a chance to make it right. I don't see you quitting an engagement any time soon, and that poor bastard waited YEARS for his chance so I don't see him quitting either. Do it the right way. Show me from afar what you learned from us, and that you can get the big happy marriage and the kids you wanted. Run up the score, live the good life. Be you. Stop Facebook-stalking me if you still are. Move on where I've failed.
I'm scheming to finish things out here and move in a few years. I've got the money and the experience to go damn near anywhere. Maybe out west, maybe international. We haven't spoken in years but some part of the calculus will still involve running from you, because living one town over and catching that glimpse of you the other day while I was eating lunch, it's all getting hard on me. I can't be on edge every time I'm buying groceries. I'm scared that you'll see me and say hi, and I'll catch a whiff of one of your little fragrance mists (do you still use the same ones?) and it'll undo me. I don't think I'll ever be completely okay.
I meant it though. If we could wind back the clock and do it again, ending up here with nothing changed, I'd still do it. I love you. I'm sorry I failed at it.
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self.offmychest
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help my mom just found out about my cuts and depression... what to do please help me
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self.depression
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why Im talking to this girl and we went with someone to eat afterwards she told me they need to do something for her boss (they are sort of working together) so i said cool and went home after like 5 minutes she texts me that shes sorry for lying to me but she wanted to talk to him privatley but didnt want to offend me, i know it sounds simple but i got hurt from it and i cant let it go 15 minutes ago i was crying in bed and told her i needed some time , the thing is we are not dating or something but when she said she lied to me it fucking broke me . A year ago i was sort of seeing someone and she broke my trust so bad that i blocked her from my life and it sometimes still haunts me, i dont even know why im taking this so hard i just dont know what to do im afraid. I had some mental problems that my friends helped me cope with and this event just makes me wonder if its all worth it
Why live if i end up getting hurt so easily i dony think i can trust anyone from this point on
Not really looking for help since i dont think i can solve this
Thanks for listening
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel the pure need to die, 24/7 Not out of emotion, or pain, or edginess, but I legitimately want to die. Im a horrible, idiotic person. On the rare occurrence that someone has the misfortune of caring about me, they will grow to hate me. I have no possible future, I'm less then mediocre at everything and i don't have the capacity or drive to improve any of my few skills. So, if my life is utterly pointless and will end up hurting so many people, what point is there to let it go on? Rhetorical question, there is none.
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self.offmychest
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Scared because suicidal thoughts are appearing I am on Accutane right now and I know it can increase anxiety and suicidal tendency. Recently I have been doubting my boyfriend, thinking that he's been lying to me all this while etc. Of course, when I confronted him there's always a good explanation. But now I'm lying in bed thinking of all the things I don't know about him, how he can just leave me without any trace, ghosting me, i feel like killing myself. Like I wanna kill myself because I have been so stupid and I don't deserve to live and don't see the point of living too. How do I get these thoughts to go away?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Two years to go until I turn 30 and I end my life I've had that day planned since high school. For some reason, everyone else seemed to outgrow depression as they grew up, but I never did.
It's a little different now. I don't feel outright sad. I don't wander at night anymore or drive recklessly or cry. Instead, I'm just tired all the time and numb inside. It's so hard to make friends as an adult. Time passes by so quickly. My life feels like a meaningless, hopeless blur that will soon be over.
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self.depression
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I have a crippling fear of work and all things work related, how do I proceed in life? I am no stranger to mental illness. I have recovered from bipolar disorder, my borderline personality disorder is mostly gone, and I have mostly recovered from addiction, all of which took tremendous effort, professional help and medication. I'm so glad to be where I am today.
College took a number of tries (third time lucky) I managed to get my shit together, or appear that way, for a whole year and get a qualification as a Healthcare Assistant. Now I'm looking to get a few extra modules to add on to my CV to really make me stand out for the jobs I want to get.
So I was really hoping that somehow after all of this education that I would feel competent but I just don't. I'm fucking terrified. Nothing scares me more than job interviews, social interactions at work and having work colleagues.
Even my work placement, I found genuinely traumatic. It still haunts me; the guilt, embarrassment and shame. I switched placement and went to the loveliest place, with friendly staff, a positive environment and inspirational clients. But even there the staff would say I need to have confidence in myself and ask my why I was nervous.
That was work placement. Work *placement*. Work is an entirely different matter. I've had one job interview in my whole life, and I've never had a job. That job interview was a disaster and it humiliates me to this very day. I even had a mock interview for a subject in college and it took me down from a distinction to a merit. I am just *really* bad at interviews, the little experience I have is bad and I'm terrified to gain more experiences.
Having co-workers is something I find difficult too. I get so humiliated and tongue-tied. I find it hard to act like myself, ask questions or get to know them. It's just another thing I am really bad at.
I'm in the healthcare field, and I'm so glad to say this, but I have relatively little problem with having clients and patients. They seem to love me and I love them! So that is at least one thing that I don't need to overcome.
I just honestly thought that things would get better after college, but it hasn't and I continue to feel nervous, humiliated and incompetent.
Things I'm Trying:
* I ordered the book called Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness.
* Will be talking to my psychiatrists on Wednesday
* I will be going to Employability, these people that help people with disabilities find work
But I'm not sure if I am doing the right things in terms of getting over this, so I thought I would ask for your help. I have had anxiety for a decade and a half (now 28), but I have no experience in getting over phobias at all.
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self.Anxiety
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It's like life is just testing me to see if I'll actually do it tldr down at the end (not sure if this is better for r/depression, but for the sake of not being trigger-y there...)
One of my ultimate issues is feeling like a burden, whether to myself, society, or those in my life. Probably one of the few reasons I haven't offed myself yet is because of the burden it would put on my family. I'd hate the emotional burden left on them, especially if they were the ones to find me. Then there's the financial burden. If I wasn't successful in my attempts, I can only imagine the medical bills...my family can already barely make ends meet as it is.
But I just feel so alone all the time... I guess some background info: I've frequently struggled with friendships, which in turn, has made it harder for me to truly open up to and be vulnerable with those who would potentially be there for me. Well, always feeling so alone, I throw myself in my studies, putting grades as a huge factor in my feelings of self worth. Freshman year of college was one of the worst of my life socially and it broke me emotionally/mentally in a way that I'm still trying to recover from 1.5 years later. My second year was played off of that. My grades were dropping and I pretty much stopped eating for a little over half a year. I got myself to knock that shit off (not easy btw) so I could try and salvage what I could of my grades at the end of that year, but it was too little too late. Now this year, my highs have been higher and more frequent, but my lows are also so much lower. Little things don't push the depressive and suicidal thoughts to my head as easily as they used to, but get grades involved, and bam, I'm there. I've finished all of my finals at this point and I'm getting my grades back and I fucked up. I'm going to end up with mostly B's and that may seem good, but I'm premed and after my grades last year (mostly B's with a C and a D), I can't really afford them anymore, especially not a semester's worth.
I constantly feel like the things I want more than anything are just outright unattainable, so it's kind of like...what's the point? I don't really have friends, my career goal feels like it's slipping away, and the anxiety/depression/insecurity/self-worth/etc is always there looming over me. I feel like all these reasons seem so minute, but I swear each low keeps getting lower and I've started spending more of those lows thinking of how I could do it and be successful while also limiting my burden on others. But I also feel like that's impossible because we lost my step dad earlier this year and it's a barely healed wound for my mom and brother. I don't think they could handle another death, it just hurts so much to keep living.
tl;dr: not much has gone well for me in the last couple years, the feeling just gets stronger and stronger, but one of the only reasons I'm still holding on is because I can't bring myself to cause that kind of pain to my mom and brother, which unfortunately doesn't alleviate any of my own pain.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
A Hypochondriac's Tale Hey everybody. I'm 25 and I've been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive anxiety disorder for many years. I've been on varying dosages of Lexapro for years as well and have generally had a good experience with it. My story is all about the physical symptoms of anxiety itself and how they can exacerbate medical anxiety without necessarily being indicative of real health problems.
When I was 18 I got scared about a health problem and googled the symptoms. I got very lucky actually, and it helped me feel better about it, so I decided to google every weird thing my body had been doing. This was a bad idea. Since I was about 10, I've been able to feel several lymph nodes in my neck. My biological father was always telling me I was going to get cancer and die because I was a picky eater, and when I discovered this he had a field day of making me feel terrible about it. After I ended up in foster care I kind of forgot about it, and didn't think about it again until I was 18. I googled "swollen lymph nodes" and the internet was convinced I had leukemia. I began feeling tired, my muscles hurt all the time, I had constant headaches after this, it became difficult to see, and it felt like just existing was taking up all of my energy. I eventually went to the doctor and got some blood tests done, which cleared me, and I immediately began feeling better. In fact, the doctor prescribed me Xanax (which ended up being a Bad Idea but I digress) because he was so worried about my anxiety. Ever since, my anxiety and panic attacks have manifested as physical symptoms that are often hard to ignore. Anxiety is a powerful thing. On a daily basis I think I'm having a heart attack due to anxiety-related chest pain. If I concentrate, I can feel all sorts of things. Someone pointed out that my fingernails curve down and I've been worried about that for years as well. It's never ending.
That being said, however, anxiety is capable of producing very real physical symptoms. The symptoms are real, but the disease is anxiety. For example, I only feel chest pain at work. It stops when I de-stress. The doctor has told me multiple times I'm not at risk for a heart attack. If it were a heart attack, then the cure for heart attacks seems to be going home, hanging out with my wife and drinking a beer. This seems unlikely!
Tl;dr - anxiety has physical symptoms!! Just because your chest hurts or your head hurts does NOT mean you're dying!
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self.Anxiety
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I think both of my friends are depressed and I don't know what to do. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Everything falling apart all over again (Sorry I'm advance for the long AF post, I got on a roll and couldn't stop). As the title says, it seems like everything is falling apart all over again. I was misdiagnosed several years ago, and everything continued in a downward spiral for a few years to the point where I had to drop out of school for medical reasons, lost contact with almost all my friends, became very estranged from my family... No one could deal with me they said, I was too unpredictable and unreliable, my moods were all over the place, etc.
Fast forward a couple of years and I found a doctor who fairly quickly realized I'd been misdiagnosed after the last 2 doctors I had seen literally told me that they couldn't help me because they didn't know what was wrong.
So I've been on meds and in therapy for a few years and things have been up and down the entire time. I've quite literally tried nearly every med on the market (as well as combo drug therapies). I either have horrible side effects, no effects at all, or occasionally something helps for a while and then it slowly stops. Currently I'm on quite the cocktail of meds and they seem to be working less and less again. I've talked to my doctor and even he's pretty concerned because he's not sure what meds might need to be changed. We've done blood tests to check med levels, etc.
Since the meds aren't working well anymore things are falling apart again. I've done a medical leave of absence from grad school and from work to try to get back on track without these major stressors. I've gained a ton of weight despite the fact that I barely eat anything and sleep way too much everyday. But even doing that isn't helping this time around. Basically the only thing I haven't tried is in-patient treatment because my doctors both think I'd be even more miserable and it would be counter productive...
I have no idea what to do or where to turn to. I don't want to switch doctors again because I've been working with this duo for almost 3 years and they've helped me a lot... This time we can't seem to get things back on track though...
Do things ever get better and stay that way? I know it's a life long battle but can't there be some sense of control I can get over this disease?!
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self.bipolar
|
Thinking out loud This isn't a cry for help, just wanted to get a few things off my chest. Don't feel obligated to respond. If you're offended by vulgar language, don't read.
I'm failing most of my classes. Normally I wouldn't give a shit but I'm in college now. I actually care about this. I need it. But because of this fucking depression I can't focus and what the hell is motivation anyway? I can't even drag myself out of bed to go to work half the time. I hate my job anyway. My co-workers treat me like I'm stupid just because I'm new.
Now that all the temporary bullshit is out of the way..
I don't wanna live to follow this fucked up system we're all born into. I don't see the point in going to school and getting a job if I'm just gonna end up killing myself anyway. I wanna live but this isn't living. I feel like a goddamn robot. I do the same shit everyday. I need change. Maybe then I'll feel something that isn't neutral. I've been so numb since I was 12, man. I don't wanna do this anymore. I would rather be dead. I may not die tonight.. Let's be honest, I'm too pussy to try it again anyway but one of these days I'll succeed in ending my "life". I can't wait for that day to finally come.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel so unlucky to be alive. If only a different sperm had "won", then I wouldn't have to deal with all of this. I have absolutely no interest in being a wage slave and I don't enjoy much of anything anymore. Life is an endless series of maintenance chores that I need to perform so that I can continue to live a life that I don't even want. Killing myself is not a good option because my parents' lives would be ruined. I feel trapped.
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self.depression
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Someone telling you they worry about you is worse than no one caring. It basically translates to "I don't really care about you but I'd feel bad if you killed yourself". I mean, ignore me the rest of the time and then once I'm actually feeling good, just make me feel like an inferior piece of shit. Thanks a lot. I'm a big boy now, I can sort myself out.
I know the intentions are good, but I just managed to work my way out of a depressive episode - completely isolated - and tbh felt pretty good about having so much self control, something to prove to myself that I am managing to get better without anyone else's help. That is probably the last thing I wanted to hear. I would have preferred someone to tell me to kill myself, at least then you can tell them to fuck off and gain a little bit of determination to keep going.
I can't get over just how shit that made me feel. I mean, is that really all people think of me? Yes I have my demons but you have no idea what I'm capable of. Stop treating me like a fucking child.
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self.depression
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I did everything right. Didn't matter. I'm frustrated, just need to vent for a bit...
I'm traveling, out of town, at an event. Avoided ALL alcohol. Took my meds on time. Drank lots of water. Got to bed at a reasonable hour. Realized when I was getting too energetic, too energized, stepped in and went to bed.
Doesn't matter. Manic energy hit last two nights, and this morning. Manic driven masturbation led to an immediate post sex depression. And I'm just left here holding my dick, like... Fuck. I did it all right. I did everything right. And here I am.
I'm feeling a little better since I've had time to rest, but I need to get food. So. Ttfn.
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self.bipolar
|
Why did the cashiers give me a strange look when i went to the self checkout instead Of their lines? I went grocery shopping at 6:30 this morning to get a couple things and there were only like two other customers there. There were two checkouts open that had no customers but I used the self checkout instead and one of the cashiers was giving me a strange look. Why?
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self.Anxiety
|
Is this normal? I feel like I have a burning sensation in my chest and my head. I feel like I drank 3 cups of coffee, but also drank some wine.
I am energetic, but sad. I am restless and I want to cry. I want to yell, hurt and tear into everyone and my impulses seem to be more in control than my logic. I can't focus, am floating. Impulsive, Anxious, Agitated, afraid, sad, paranoid, I am feeling everything at once.
Most of all I want to find a hole and hide until it passes.
No meds, don't drink coffee, don't drink alcohol. I have a hard time coping when this happens and it happens to varying degrees often.
This is the worst one this year due to stress.
I hate feeling like this.
EDIT: FYI, not self diagnosing. I don't know how to cope with this. I didn't catch it in time, yelled/tore into my wife and now I feel even more depressed.
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self.bipolar
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Time is doing its thing. I am beginning to let go. The last few days have been good. I don’t miss G anymore. I think of her but when I do I am not hit with that pang of pain. I feel good about it. I am moving on. My anger for her is also replaced by nonchalance. I understand she decided to pick her own happiness over mine and I can’t blame her for that. It’s her right to put herself first. She is just a memory now and I want her to be gone from my life. I know soon I will be free from her and that will be a good day.
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self.offmychest
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If you’re thinking of killing yourself, please read this... I was having a huge struggle with suicide and found some inspiration. I felt I needed to post it here.
If anyone needs a reason not to commit suicide... read stories from people who knew someone who killed themselves. Seriously.
I know it’s hard as hell to care about ourselves most of the time. A huge justification for my suicidal ideation has always been “No one will care”, or “They’ll get over it pretty quickly.” I urge you to read accounts from people who have had a friends or family kill themselves. It’s fucking heartbreaking.
People care about you. I promise. And even if you dismiss all of that thinking “I don’t believe anyone cares”, just keep reading. Seriously. I promise you will find countless examples of people hating themselves for not showing that person how much they cared. For not being there for them. If anything, those people are worse off because of the guilt they feel.
I have struggled with suicidal ideation for a long time. Thankfully I have never made any attempts but I struggled nonetheless. Understanding the other side of the issue has been an exceptional help. Please, I implore you, read accounts from family and friends of suicide victims. Look at the other side. Do EVERYTHING you can to fight through today. Through the next hour. The next 5 minutes. The next second. Seriously.
And if you think no one cares about you? I do. Roll your eyes if you want, but it’s true. I care deeply about every single person who has ever hated themselves, because I understand. I have been there. Every single person who has EVER been in your shoes understands. There’s millions of us by the way, here and ready to help and encourage you. Please just give yourself another chance.
I love you. The world loves you. You should love you.
Thanks for listening.
If you need someone and have no one, PLEASE call the National Suicide Hotline (US): 1–800-273-8255. There’s no reason not to call and there’s no reason to be ashamed. Once again, please give yourself a chance. If talking on the phone isn’t your thing (just like it isn’t mine), go to www.crisistextline.com. Go to reddit. Go to a mental health forum. Go anywhere. Just don’t go anywhere you can’t come back from.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I can't stop leading people on and I don't know how to fix it [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I'm a fuckin idiot but still I took a math test today and the entire time I just wanted to scream. Scream into the fucking void and just keep screaming. I wanted to just tear my skin off and scream into oblivion. I just wanted to cry and I want to be free of this pain that I feel. I fucking on my edge in the class before just holding back tears and some girl could tell she just asked me "do you have a headache". The headache is my life and even though I'm just a dramatic bitch i still could something stop the noise.
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self.depression
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What to do after having a nervous breakdown? [Xpost from /r/advice] [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Dog ownership and reasons to live Written while I try to calm myself down enough to escape the office bathroom without people noticing I was crying.
I have a dog. I got him from a rescue. Last night he got skunked while at my boyfriends place and dragged it all over the house before we noticed. His landlord said I'm banned from visiting until i train my dog to behave better. He has a history of begging for food that drives the landlord nuts too so this was the final straw.
Right now I'm living with my parents. Its just an unfortunate fact that sometimes as an adult your life comes collapsing and youre faced with homelessness or your parents guest bedroom. So me and the dog are shacked up there. They also doesn't like the dog because he has peed inside before. Im not allowed to leave him home alone anymore. I'm also not allowed to have boyfriend over because, even though I'm 30, its their house their rules, no boys over.
This has been.... oddly devestating. For one I have no clue how to see my boyfriend anymore. We live over an hour drive apart. Getting to one another is a chore and I'll be damned if we spend 100% of our time together walking around dog parks.
But I'm devestated for reasons I'm having trouble explaining. About a month before i got the dog, i went through a really ugly breakup. I lost almost all of my friends through the breakup. It got announced my job was being cut. I wasnt even happy with my work to begin with. My roommate was fighting with me. I realized fast that the remaining friends I had who I hadn't met through my ex were not as close of friends as I thought.
Its hard to express in a bullet point list how having all of this happen at once made me feel. It wasnt suicidal, because i didn't want to hurt myself, but it was just total hopelessness. Like nothing in this world needs me, why am I here? I put so much effort into relationships and friendships and my job and none of it paid off.
Then it was weird but I had a sudden jolt of freedom. Nothing matters, and that's hilarious. Like I could finally see the cogs in the machine of life and its nothing like I thought. Its all just total chaos. So I could do anything. It was half enlightening half maddening. I actually started going to a therapist because I felt like I had accidentally become a risk to myself in some way. Like this thinking would eventually lead me to suicide I guess. It may have.
I made some good progress. We discussed life and feeling pointless. She asked if I had any pets. I said no, but I've always wanted a dog. She encouraged me to get one. So I went to the shelter, and met my dog. He's an old man dog, was estimated to be 7 or 8 when i got him. Found as a stray. He had been through 2 shelters and no one wanted him, he escaped doggy dealthrow twice. We bonded right away. I cried tears of happiness the day I got him. And I felt, for one of the first times in my life, as if I had a purpose. Feeding and walking him daily was mundane but rewarding.
He has bad habits for sure. Hes a food thief. He begs. Always hungry. He's housebroken but likes to mark things inside. He chases critters, like the skunk that caused this recent trouble. Ive invested a lot in training him. He's super smart and food motivated and picks up tricks fast. But no one has been able to break him from his marking and food habits. I got told by one instructor that he's just too old and stuck in his ways and you can minimiz it but he'll probably never get trained out of it.
So to have several close people in my life telling me how I'm not training my dog enough or not responsible enough to own a dog or how if I cant control my dog I should give him up to someone who can is next level devestating. Ive grown out of my depression a lot, but it's still inadvertently telling me that Ive failed the only thing i had to live for at one point. That the thing I love most in the world is miserable and misbehaving because of me.
I can feel myself going into the despair pit of hopelessness again, which actually does make it a struggle to take the dog on walks and feed him on time. Maybe I will try to give him up to someone better than myself and face the void alone again.
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self.offmychest
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Will I ever hate myself for not letting us take our time? It was so special when me and you finally started talking. We both felt so good and happy when we were together... I just didn't know what to do. I rushed everything because I just thought we would naturally last a long time. I even rushed taking your virginity... I stopped making out and being "daddy" and literally just rushed the fuck out of it...
combine that with me continuing to be a non licensed loser and the drunk mistakes, and i don't blame you at all for leaving me. It really wouldn't have been hard to just take it slow.. wait until after you graduate to make it official.... but nope, I had to be stupid because I've just never had a girl make me feel so amazing.
At least lately were back on texting terms. That feels good.. but I fucking want to be with you again and it just kills me every single day that I squandered my one chance with you... please help me, Reddit, I don't want to be stuck in this pit of self hate..
You were mine, you were all mine.. I know we both wanted something better. I needed to protect you 😔
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self.offmychest
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