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I don't want to do it any more. Just booked some counselling sessions.
I don't want to go.
I don't want to try any more. Fuck it, fuck this shit. I hate feeling like this.
I don't want to exist.
I want to hurt myself until I don't exist any more.
Yet I don't want to do that.
I want to live.
Oh God, I want to live.
Fuck this.
A fucking year ago I was in the same place. I wasn't though. I don't even fucking know. Am I crazy? What is this shit?
What is this shit? I don't care, fuck it. That's like my catchphrase nowadays. Fuck it. I don't care. I'm in Hell.
Is any of this even real? Is it all in my head? What the fuck. I am very upset. I don't want any more of this.
What the fuck is my life. My girlfriend reckons I'm doing really well and everything is hunky dory. I don't want to tell her that it's going back to how it was. It will always go back to how it was. This is how it is. This is how it will always be.
Fuck it. I don't care about me. That's what I always say. If she ever wants out I'd be fine with it. I love her to fucking bits but I want her to be happy more than I want me to be happy. That's all I want.
I gotta do this fucking shit again for another year. And then for God knows how many years after that. I don't want to do it. I don't want to live.
Just got off the phone with a lady from the Samaritans. Felt like a fucking idiot. I'm so stupid.
Am I crazy? Is this real? I'm sorry.
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self.depression
|
How does a doctor diagnose Bipolar disorder? I've always known deep in my heart that there is something wrong with me, but I have been without health insurance for years now and am only now on a health care plan through my job. I don't know if it's something that a regular doctor can diagnose or what the process is. I've just been through some events in my personal life the past few years that really make me question myself.
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self.bipolar
|
I don't have many friends So I guess from the time I was in elementary I was a shy kid, but almost unnaturally shy like I had one friend through all my years. Middle school I was forced to make some new friends, high school I pretty much kept those some friends minus a couple. College finally comes around and I can't manage to really make any, it doesn't feel natural to me to talk much in class, and most the time I don't have the social energy to focus on a conversation with a stranger. I used to stutter talking to people a couple years ago so its slowly gotten better but I still can't manage to form any connection besides having this one guy I talk to every once in a while in that class. It's honestly really awful because I think I make people think I'm bored of them or don't like them bc I don't know how to interact in those situations. I'm a sophmore in college and I've joined clubs in and out of school, went to counseling and still feel like this. I'm just ghosting around trying to act like I think I should, can any one relate to this and if so does anyone have advice dealing with this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Zoloft I started on Zoloft about 2 months ago. First 100mg, and after about 4 weeks I increased to 200mg (per doctor instructions).
A little while after I started taking it, and still now, alcohol is gross. I’m not a huge drinker, but I do love wine and beer. I’ve been on SSRIs for years. I just switched to zoloft as my depression got pretty bad. I can’t even fathom beer anymore, and wine, I can have MAYBE one glass and then I feel sick. Anyone else have this problem? Or with any similar meds? I’ve been on Paxil, pristiq, Effexor... never had this issue.
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self.depression
|
Something I wrote tonight A crisp white coating engulfed the road at 5am. Another sleepless night, another crunchy step taken on the path to escape. It's like a deathbed, cold yet in a way comforting.
The dimly lit roads winding through the hills all seemingly leading nowhere but in an endless circle. A cruel metaphor of life. Trapping once beautiful souls, emptying them, and leaving nothing but a mere skeleton.
A real world dementor. Intercepting excitement during the most joyous time of the year. Holiday spirit flows through the air but all you can feel is the dark aura you are confronted with.
Yet somehow I'm coming to accept that it's okay. A newfound serenity in an alternate state. One where my writing has meaning again, a true reflection.
All this sounds more beautiful in my head. Like a poetic verse that captures the slight feelings I still have within me. The written words that fill the void of those that can no longer be spoken.
|
self.depression
|
Involuntary shouting, growling, whining, laughing and a strong urge to scream and punch things, and restlessness at bedtime. I've had a lot of traumatic experiences in my life and I started meditation a while back and ever since then this has been happening to me. It's like "old junk" is coming up from the past. And it's been happening for years, I'm wondering if it will ever end. Anyone experience this?
|
self.depression
|
Fed up with health care providers Yesterday, I had an appointment with the physical therapist. I showed up on time, checked in at the kiosk, and sat down in the waiting room, as you do. Time passes, no one shows up, and there's no one at the reception desk for me to inquire about what's going on.
Twenty minutes after the scheduled appointment time, PT comes out and chastises me. Apparently, I was sitting in the corner of the not-that-big waiting room where she couldn't see me, and it was my fault she couldn't bother to take literally one extra step to improve her vantage point. I have been advised to sit more conspicuously and/or draw the attention of the non-existent administrative person in the future.
This is relatively minor, but it's just the latest and silliest experience with absent-minded providers, and I've kind of had it. More serious were the surgery that got canceled at the last minute due to an insurance snafu and the psychiatric medications that keep getting bounced because the prescribing doctor, pharmacy, and insurance company cannot communicate with each other. I'm really, really tired.
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self.offmychest
|
With every day that passes I feel like I want to put a gun in my mouth and blow my fucking head off [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
[NAW] I hate my Dad. All my life, I can never think of a time when I ever truly loved my pops. Growing up, he was really absent from elementary up until about early high school. In those early high school years, he started trying to connect with me more, speak with me when we were together, etc. I'd be hard-pressed to call what we had "conversations," though. Whatever opener he used, whatever subject matter began the first few sentences back and forth, it always transpired to criticism and condemnation.
By the time I graduated HS, I was knee deep in too much weed usage. I was constantly going out with my friends to essentially just smoke and whatever activities followed, followed, and it was where almost all of my money flushed into. Well, it was now about 6 months post-graduation and it was clear I wasn't going to go to college, so my father employed me in his store. He owned a convenience store in a troubled neighborhood about 20 mins away from our house. The job was horrendously awful due to an incredibly rude clientele (the ilk you see in that sort of environment almost force you to develop a sort of apathetic contempt for humanity), and my inability to use my cell phone. My pay was good, but I continuously flushed it into stupid shit, enjoying the untaxed 2k or so I was getting every month, while not really having any expenses. After about 3 years of this hell and realizing I was going nowhere, the least I decided I could do was get a different job, and so I did.
But my dad had already decided that constant connection from the job, I guess, meant that he should be closer to me from here on out. That's taken a deep toll on me and my personality, and I sometimes can't help but break down from it from time to time. See, my dad is generally a miserable dude, he rarely radiates any sense of happiness in his character, in just his aura if you're near his presence. He's not an alcoholic of any sort but he smokes heavily, many packs a day, for decades now. When he's home from work and not out with my mom at some event or friends', he sits downstairs, browsing Facebook on his laptop for hours at a time, chain smoking. You can tell he's home or awake simply from the change in the air, regardless of how many windows are open or doors you have closed between. I've mentally branded him as a sort of unintentional gatekeeper, repelling me from going downstairs for any reason. If he wakes up at 5 and decides to sleep at 12, I don't eat another meal until 12. His inability to engage with me in conversation is that bad. And it wouldn't be so terrible if it wasn't for the fact everything he says is either a condemnation of some sort or prodding meant to make you want to explode at him so that he can do so as well, just louder. I often force myself to be silent, boiling on the inside, until I can go back upstairs to clench my fists and bash them against my skull.
The relationship between my parents has never been good either, with my mom currently sleeping in another room, something that has been the case on and off again for years. It's not uncommon either to receive texts from her asking if he's home. Their fights were once less common when I was younger but things have escalated since with subtle provocation leading to ballistic arguments between the two of them every month or so. I sometimes can't help but mindlessly ponder over and over again why he can't see his toxic mannerisms and self-centeredness destroy everything around him. And like all shitty fathers, his position of being the breadwinner means he doesn't care to be spoken to, he simply cannot be talked "down" to. He has a big black hole in his heart where all the feelings a man has for his family should be. I'm now 24, barely starting to understand how finances work, and how to stop squandering all my time and profit so that I can finally move out and cut the necrotic cord from my life that's made me want to off myself too many times.
(NAW but if you insist on reminding me that I have forced myself to remain in this position by not properly addressing my financial situation to move out, something I constantly beat myself up for, feel free to.)
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self.offmychest
|
Bi polar bear destroys sanity...first time reddit user First time reddit user here so I apologize if this post isn't as fluent as others.
Fuck where to start..This past late winter/spring I had a pretty ridiculous manic episode landing my ass in the hospital for a few days. Where for the first time I was diagnosed bipolar with psychotic features. This illness has destroyed my fucking life. Looking back I've suffered from this for 15 years or so (I'm 26). In the past 3 years my life and reputation have been completely destroyed. I lost a gf of 7 years who I treated like complete shit. She was just happier as can be to come home to me everyday and I could barely get 2 words out to her with a pissed off look on my face. It's like there is wires in my head that are getting fucking shorted out because that's not how I wanted to act at all. She would talk me up and tell everyone about me. She was proud and I hated everything. This went hand and hand with drinking. The drinking has sent me cycling through depression and being manic or manic depressive on the daily. So I lost her. That's when it really started to get bad. We shared a dog together as well. The drinking on my end picked up and the episodes worsened. I had alot of one night stands to cope with the loss. While being crucified by the ex that I'm having one night stands which really fucked me up. Because I really just wanted to be with her. Shitty situation she didn't want me but I couldn't fuck anyone else without her getting involved somehow. I bought my own house which my ex was pissed about. Got two roommates that I worked with and it turned into a bachelor pad. The drinking was constant. The ex and I fought over the dog. The job I had I was on call, going on calls on no sleep and partial intoxicated sometimes (years of this). Also to add the line of work was quite dangerous just adding to the equation. I was manic depressive, depressed, happily manic sometimes, partially or completely intoxicated for like 3 years straight. While somehow being told I was one of the best employees to come through the program and to set my sights very high in the company. I don't know how I was a fucking mess. Then the Dui's came. 1st one I was leaving a cancer benefit where I donated quite a bit of money and also saw my ex. I ended up drinking too much having kind of an episode and drove. Got nailed. I needed my cdl for my job. Cdl suspended, work didn't even make that big of a deal about it. They made it work for me. I wanted to fucking die. From that point on of getting in trouble my life has been fucked. I quit my job after getting another one. I ended up giving the dog to my ex which she didn't deserve him. That sent me into a dark place I've never pulled out of. 2 more dui's later which I got while I was manic. (The day before Easter I was hiding out in a bar because I thought my family was going to kill me long story). Got nailed in my home town at a Walgreens broad daylight fucking embarrassed. Spent Easter sunday morning in jail. Quit another good paying job I had as backup because I thought everyone was staring at me and talking about me. Wandered for a bit. Pissed away about 60k or more. Got a job at a shitty campground. Couldn't even handle that. This illness is a cruel fucking bitch. I had it all and lost it all. Now I'm fucked. I have 20k in credit card debt and medical bills. If I don't sell my house by next week I'll lose it. I've been hiding out at my place and I dont even wana leave in daylight. Everyone thinks I just fucked my life up because I'm a loser basically. I know I'm very sick and I've been sick it just sucks shit happens that quick. Just needed to get some of it off my chest. I'm fucked and I just want to disappear off the planet. Sorry for all the ranting but I'm also un medicated. My memory and anxiety have gotten soo bad I can't even make a doctors app. and stick to it. I either forget or I'm scared to go. I'm not even close to the man I was a few years ago it sucks. The paranoia, delusions, voices, night terrors, crying and shaking has gotten the best of me. I'm really ready to give up on life. I think about it all day everyday now. I've done so much crazy shit and burned so many bridges from episodes its nutts. If I didn't have this shitty illness I could really have done alot with my life. Just wondering any other bipolar bears out there have stories they wana tell or talk about.
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self.bipolar
|
Last One So all my friends I made freshman year in 2013 are graduating. I’m still a freshman bc I tore my Lcl and acl I honestly don’t feel like living anymore. I work at fast food restaurants, and barely make anything to live by. Much less pay any student loans, pay credit cards, or pay any medical bills. My older siblings are all successful one is a lieutenant in the army, ones a firefighter and swat member, ones a big successful Lawyer, ones a Pharm Rep making big bucks. Then my younger brother has a full 5 year scholarship and NASA and other companies want him. Everyone seems like there moving on and I’m just moving backwards it seems.
|
self.depression
|
What am I doing wrong if all my friends hang out with each other and im not even invited? No joke, 2 of my best friends who I talk with everyday hang out over the weekend, and the way I find out is seeing it on social media. What is wrong here seriously? I can't even think straight, this is making me lose hope.
|
self.Anxiety
|
My mother-in-law became unbearable once we had children Okay. So my mother-in-law and I were fine up until my husband and I had kids. Suddenly she became incredibly overbearing, opinionated, etc.
With my oldest son (2.5), she was hypercritical about us having him in daycare. She said that I was too strict about taking him out and having “Grandma days”. I let her know that because I was paying for daycare, I didn’t want to take him out often.
With our oldest she also had a really hard time with the fact that we didn’t baptize him. She is Catholic, and my husband and I are agnostic. She thinks it’s sad we don’t believe in God, and if our sons die, they will go to hell.
When our other son was born (10mo.), she was in hysterics when I asked everyone to leave the hospital room when he got his first bath. I had a horrendous c-section experience and felt tired/overwhelmed, and just needed space for a few minutes. She cried in the hallway, and my sister overheard her say “there she goes being controlling again.”
She thinks my oldest will be too young to go to preschool when he’s 3.5. She also constantly criticizes me as a parent, and doesn’t seem to trust my husband and I. I can’t imagine why she would feel like that, because we are both responsible, smart, and independent.
Since having her grandchildren, she has called me cold, controlling, and has said that I’m a mean person and that she doesn’t understand how I have any friends.
I’m not sure what to do about this, but had to get it off of my chest.
TL;DR. My mother-in-law is hypercritical and is too opinionated about how we should parent our sons.
|
self.offmychest
|
i'm dead My dad left when I was young, I feel useless and unwanted, I hear voices they tell me that i'm a chosen one, that I am God's person, chosen to be resurrected in the new earth, i'm unsure whether i'm just crazy or not
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I’m writing a Suicide note rn. I’m not sure how I’m going to do it but I️ can’t do this anymore. I’m at the lowest point I’ve ever been and it feels like I’ll never recover. There is no hope. My parents are tired of worrying about me, my boyfriend broke up with me... I️ have no one, I have nothing.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Nobody wants to go to the concert with me [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Every year gets worse, been like this since I was 15, I’m now 20. I am depression. I’ve become depression. Ever since freshman year when my friends ditched me for other people, I’ve been fighting depression. It all sparked that year and I’m reaching a point to where I really feel nothing at all. I’m so scared of the world and against it but at the same time I’m aware of what it has to offer. Every morning I want to kill myself so I numb the pain my smoking weed until I can’t think. I hate the system, I hate how people treat others, I hate how no one really cares for each other, i hate it all and I see no light of me getting better. Why do we have school when it’s designed to make those who don’t abide fall? The whole survival of the fittest always fucked me up, we aren’t animals we’re humans with emotions and expression, yet this world has global hierarchy. They expect us to abide to the rules and deal with it. And as an American am I supposed to feel blessed be able to live ina free country? Let me tell you over here all it is a competition on who can choose a degree faster and become a slave to a corporation. Like fuck, I can’t be the only one of my generation who sees how unbalanced and divided shit is. What am I supposed to look forward to? Vacations? Fucka desk job. Give us life and meaning. Every year gets worse, now I have no friends, no idea what my life means, and nothing but pain and desire. I want to get better but I have 0 drive to even talk to people. I can’t even smile. I used be human. Now I feel like I’m in a bad dream or even hell. It’s a never ending loop of nothing but disappointment. Maybe I deserve this pain, it’s the only conclusion I have. Who ever made existence wanted me to live like this. Idk maybe I’m manically depressed but getting help seems useless at this point as depression is almost routine and somebody telling me I’m depressed will only fuck shit up even more. Thanks for listening and keep fighting, just know that there’s someone out there who might really be at the bottoms of bottoms and that’s me. If only a beautiful depressed girl could step into my life so we can cure each other. Oh well haha wtf did I just write,
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self.depression
|
How do you end a truly addictive toxic relationship? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Literally nothing has gone right for me in 2017 I feel like it's about time I let my stress out because quite frankly this year has been total crap.
2017 started off sour. My 21st birthday was a week before the new year and that ended up being a night I have no positive memory of. Why? The girl I liked at the time ended up kissing the one guy I didn't want to invite. I only invited him because my close friends thought it would've been a good idea. Smart move. Things are fine now, but admittedly, I still hold that against them.
January and February was nothing but stress. While my new job is better than McDonalds, the pressure to meet KPIs (with lack of training) caused me to breakdown at one point. Fortunately, I was given a week leave before university started for the year. I decided to go to Japan and man did I need it. Gave me a positive mindset for the new year.
Semester 1 goes by. Few things happen. I dropped Korean as a major after almost being driven insane by the organisation of the course. I just simply didn't have the time to put in so much effort for so little marks. I don't hate learning Korean but the absurdity of the classes was enough to drive me out.
Some of my grades dropped to the point where I almost ended up failing one paper. In another paper, I dropped to a B in Stage 3 after maintaining As in Stage 1 and 2.
I got moved to another store for work because they hired someone who could do Thursday and Friday late night as well as weekends. Funnily enough that person ended up leaving after a week (do you really think a university student would last that long if that was their roster?) and the manager of the store I got transferred to (the reason why I agreed to the move) ended up getting transferred the week after I started in the new store. Needless to say I felt a bit cheated.
So Semester 1 is over and I have a 3 week break before Semester 2. I end up having to work almost every day without much room for a solid break. Great for morale.
Finally, Semester 2 comes. I have never had a semester that has driven me so far down than this one.
Somehow, my social circle ended up being with a bunch of guys I consider 'losers'. Why? My close friends were just simply too busy. One was in China, one is doing software engineering, and one is pouring his heart out doing game design. The 'losers' do nothing but eat at the same place and roast the same guy over and over. They simply can't find any other hobbies other than gaming or similar activities. I'm not saying they're bad guys, but what is there for me if there's nothing substantial for me to both give and take?
Work wasn't going so great either. My mid-semester break ended up being all work and just recently a lot of my old colleagues have left. Nice.
Want to know what's worse? I've gotten into gambling for reasons that not even I can understand. Perhaps it was the desire to make a quick buck, or a need to kill time, or a way to get away from it all. Well, we know what tends to happen with gambling for the most part. You lose money and that in turns creates more stress. I think I've lost almost $1750. I can only laugh and cry at the same time.
Defining fortune can be tough when you're not in the right mind. If you even consider this fortune, I got accepted for a Study Abroad programme in Japan. I even managed to get a small scholarship for it. Nice way to reduce the losses. However, my Japanese level is officially basic (despite learning it for almost all my life), because the placement test crashed on me 3 times causing me to miss out of half the test. Great.
Taekwondo is one of the few things I look forward too. My master has said that I have improved a lot over the last year. I guess I can't really take his praise seriously when I'm the least flexible of the purple belts (then again, I'm comparing myself to high school students). I'm trying really hard but when you don't see the results that you expect you just start to not care.
Family is in complete shambles. My grandma is moving back to China because of issues with my Dad and it seems that my Mum is considering divorce. Not really close with anyone else in my family, not even my cousin. To be honest, I subconsciously choose to NOT interact with my family because deep down I blame them for my bad high school years (I have Chinese parents). Also my Mandarin isn't that great.
I don't even know how I'm still here. I think deep down I do want the best for myself but I have just had the worst of it this year to the point where if the end came I would be perfectly fine with it. I've had therapy in the past but it has never worked because in my mind, the therapist has zero clue how to relate to what I'm going through
Alright. Time to sleep it off. Life goes on I guess. Sadly, I just have to sit here getting the worst of it while everyone else gets the best of it.
What a crappy year
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self.offmychest
|
Emptiness I have lost all the emotions, all I do is sleep, because then I don't have to see life... I 'like' the feeling - so soothing. Recently I have started getting out of body feelings and dizziness on top of the mental numbness I have all the time. Everyday is just... a day, nothing important just empty hollow feeling and constant feeling of powerlessness. I am just waiting for my breathing to stop, already pushed most of the people away from me. I am too tired to feel sadness, I am drowning in emptiness... If I had a strenght and means to do it, I would end it all... This isnt life and I am just hurting others while approaching ever reaching suicide. Currently I am slowly ending it by making things worse and worse, so that I have no way to back off from ending it.
I am not sure why I wrote this useless piece of text... Not that it matters, not like anyone can bring life to my 'life', but thank you for those who read through this... you are too kind.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
[light] I really like Kafka I can relate to K. in The Castle more than any character in any book I’ve read so far. The absolute absurdity that K. faces as he tries so hard to get to the castle - I feel like I live it too. It cracks me up that he sort of, just, accepts the nonsense as normal. But when it’s all around you, you kind of have to.
I read The Castle as a struggle to find that exalted place where you’re finally comfortable with who you are - K. as the land surveyor he was dispatched to be - and he tries so hard, so hard for the castle to recognize him as one but he never does because the book ends mid sentence.
The entire time we know him, K. is struggling for his identity and that’s really sad. But I find comfort in it because we’re also constantly struggling for our identity, it’s always shifting, molting, facing challenges, and this guy a century ago thought it was important enough for him to write multiple books about it. It’s nice that I’m not the only one who finds this search for an identity so absurd and terrifying and unnavigable. I’m glad I can talk about it with Kafka.
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self.offmychest
|
How do I tell them? Advice needed Hi guys,
I’m 21 and active on tinder. However, I have a rare disability that I was born with and is noticeable once you’re around me enough. Without getting into it, i basically have bad balance, almost like I’m “drunk” walking (talk about living life on the edge). Anyways, it’s not noticeable right away until you see me walk around or walk outside with me. Other than that I look normal, act normal and all the above lol.
How do I go about telling a guy I have This disability? I generally don’t say anything because I’m too scared of being judged and other stuff but I would actually like to find a way to tell a guy about this without fearing the judgement. How would u want someone to approach u about something like this?
Lastly, if you don’t have anything nice to say please keep it to yourself.
Thanks.
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self.offmychest
|
This subreddit hasn't been very helpful for me. Even though lots of people here offered their help, I've never been able to exchange more than about 5 or 10 messages without being ghosted.
It's a new kind of low when you cannot connect even with people on a depression forum.
It really feels like I'm truly alone in the entire world.
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self.depression
|
Struggling with things thoughts seem to be trapped Can anybody give me some advice to help me get out of my head, I’ll constantly just get lost in my thoughts and sink into a depressive state.
Going outside and doing things definitely helps me but when I’m done doing those things sitting in my room the thoughts just come right back.
I’m so sick of having anxiety and worrying about things, I don’t want to be put on any medication I want to be able to handle it on my own and live a happy life.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Coming Out of Long Term Depression - What Now? I'm 32, and coming out of a few years of depression, and in a way getting out of decades of lower level anxiety and depression, and realizing that I am really nowhere in life.
No great career to speak of, no long term relationship certainly no great assets or anything.
I am also finally starting to break the voices in my head from my parents (divorced when I was young), which somehow was just a cocktail of unhelpful stuff.
I am realizing that I haven't made decisions in my life based on what I thought would feel natural, and I certainly never thought long term about anything, so I'm in a very weird phase where I'm kind of like "now what?".
Don't get me wrong, I am happy with the practice of self-love that I've built, but I am legitimately just nowhere near my friends/family when it comes to a variety of things in life.
Not least of which is attracting a partner - I can't very well tell them that "hey, at least I'm not super depressed?" and expect them to like it.
The presence of depression seems like such a barrier to the outside world - almost like I don't quite know how to successfully exist in it (Haven't had much practice I suppose).
Has anyone else come out of long term depression this way?
Does anyone have thoughts on what it means to live a life that you are happy with?
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self.depression
|
Any advice? Hello, my names taylor, before I get into asking any questions I just want to give some quick backstory.
So there’s me 19, currently. I have a girlfriend who is still in highschool. We have been in a long distance relationship for over a year now. We’ve met several times now and I have even stayed at her house with her mom. So I’ve come to know her quite well. Before this past winter break, we had only seen each other in person for a total of 4 days. (I live in Texas and she lives in Florida). This has been my first serious relationship when I really think about it. For the longest time I didn’t really know what this relationship was at all. Being it’s my first serious one. Now there was a time when this relationship got me very down around 3-4 months in because I found out she wasn’t quite the same person she makes herself out to be online (age,name,etc)(to this day I’m still the only person she’s met online that knows the real info. When I found this out I had lost a quite a bit of trust and was really down about it. Eventually I got back out of it though as I realized dwelling on it wouldn’t do much. Now here’s where I made a mistake. Thought the relationship, several times, I had been flirtatious with another person I knew online over text. This isn’t a pity party for this either. I already know doing this was wrong and I’ve already gone about knowing what I did was wrong. She found this out over break while I was there. It’s caused her to lose all of her trust in me (understandingly so). Since I left it’s been none stop about how awful I am. (We are still together as of current). Almost like mental abuse in my head. It may not be meant to be that way though or come out that way. I have low end of the spectrum aspergers as well but I don’t know if that is relevant. But this what feels like mental abuse to me is just really getting to me as of late. I’m trying my best to fix what I can but every effort feels like it gets thrown back at me. I’ve tried my best not to resort to anything to deal with it. No meds or anything. It’s been so much on me that I lose sleep and don’t eat and get anxiety attacks often. It’s left me in a really scared situation. Im scared of the dark thoughts that I have everyday, ultimately making me scared of myself. I know I won’t resort to suicide though because I don’t have the will power to go through with something like that. But please, any advice on how to cope. My mother has told me many times that I show signs of clinical depression(which she has). Besides professional help, what else can I do? I don’t want to sit everyday feeling scared and worried about myself and let myself be put in such a low mood everday. Don’t want to let the super dark thoughts I have everyday consume me.
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self.depression
|
Trying to quit caffeine bring me to a real bad depression. I get the headaches and all the withdraw symptoms. Specifically when I don’t consume caffeine for a day my brain get foggy and I start having awful thoughts. Anyone else have experience with this?
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self.depression
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Just got paid and have 100.00 to live off of for 2 weeks. I have a 2 year old son and a wife...I just got paid and after bills all i have is 100.00. How can i afford food and gas to get to work with that.
Im done. Ive searched and searched for a new better paying job. But cant find anything at all...
I cant take this anymore..
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self.SuicideWatch
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Depression is like a parasite. It feeds off my body to live. It lives a life; controlling mine, while I live none.
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self.depression
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I never trust my own opinion I find that I never really trust my own opinion I'm always seeking validation from others. I can't do anything on my own because I never feel like I'm capable of doing things by myself.
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self.depression
|
My wife Told me about Peak oil and I was paralyzed I seriously can't imagine how to go forward. There seems to be no hope, and I'm too anxious to read the book she's reading and she hasn't gotten to the "solutions" part yet.
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self.Anxiety
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Just don't know anymore. It's like I'm barely making it. I'm shot, I've lost my hum. I've lost my spark.
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self.depression
|
i feel dirty and guilty and in pain. so much pain. i was sexually abused as a child. i've never said that, i didn't even acknowledge it myself until a very little while ago. i feel like i'm gonna throw up. i hate myself. the worst part is i literally begged. i fucking begged for it, every fucking time. i wanted it. why was i born so broken
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self.SuicideWatch
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Stuck in a well (metaphorically) Hey everyone, this is my first to Reddit (woo!) Anyway, I've been struggling with major depression for a while now, a few years. I haven't been managing as well as I'd like to and I've had trouble coming out to friends and loved ones about it. I just really need support. I've accepted that I can't do this alone anymore.
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self.depression
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When you're having an Anxiety Attack and suddenly feel the need to go to the bathroom but you're in a state of physical and mental lockup. Jesus this sucks.
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self.Anxiety
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I’m dating a psychopath I’ve realized after 7 months his true colors... today he told me he felt like murdering someone. And that if I wasn’t with him he would’ve went through with it.
He’s either pure evil, or so so sweet... no in between.
My life has been a rollercoaster. He’s 48 & I’m 20 by the way. How did my life get so fucked up?
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self.offmychest
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six Months employment gap on cV due to anxiety. How do i explain this in a job interview? Hello all,
As you can probably tell from my username, I have taken it upon myself to attempt to get out of the rut I am currently stuck in, caused due to anxiety.
After a bad experience with management in my previous job, I ended up quitting after having time off sick. When I attempted to look for other work, I ended up having anxiety attacks before attending an interview, and didn't go. I have always been anxious, but never to this level before. Actual attacks isn't something I'd previously experienced. On occasions I couldn't even face going to the supermarket. From this, I fell into bad habits without realising, and before I knew it, months had gone by.
I was sleeping all day, up all night. Either on the computer, watching TV, and drink a lot of nights. I don't have any drinking issue, it was just a case of never having anything else to do the next day, most days. So why not have a beer, right?
I have now been having therapy since the end of last year and I am attempting to get my life back on track. I had six months out of work, my finances have seriously declined, as well as my general quality of life. Since the beginning of the year I have been attempting to turn things around. Sticking to a strict sleeping schedule, getting out a bit more, using methods from my therapy to do so, and now trying to get back into work.
My question is, how do I explain such a big gap on my CV to employers? How do I explain it in a covering letter and during the interview process? Does anyone have any experience with this?
Thank you
EDIT: Sorry the title formatting messed up for some reason.
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self.Anxiety
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A couple questions, a thank you, and an apology....again Well first I'd like to apologize for the last few days. I woke up this morning feeling depressed instead of manic, looked through my past two posts and realized my tone of writing was pretty rude. I was pretty lost in my mood state and I wasn't really accepting of advice that didn't correlate with what I was feeling.
I'd like to thank the people here who replied to both my posts, and urged me to seek help. That, despite how I replied to them, still offered good and caring advice. I feel like a real bitch, pardon my language, for how I acted here and elsewhere and while it might be due to this illness it's still no excuse. So thank you a million times to you guys, you all rock.
So, now I have some questions that you guys may or may not be able to help me with. I seem to be rapid cycling. If I look at my mood chart it's all over the place, and the episodes are only lasting days or weeks. This is not like me at all, usually they're long and spaced out with a normal period in-between. This pattern started around a month after I started taking Wellbutrin at 300mg. I've since stopped taking it, because I'm pretty convinced it was doing more harm than good. Is it possible that being on the Wellbutrin permanently altered the course of my illness? Because I could function before but I'm not sure I can handle the constant swings with no break.
While I feel better now than I did for the past few days, I'm still going to take your guy's advice and make an emergency appointment and hope they can fit me in. I don't think I'm psychotic anymore, but I didn't think I was before either so I'm apparently not a great judge of that, and I'm definitely still not in a normal mood. I way overslept last night whereas I apparently hadn't slept at all really the few nights prior according to hubby, which might be what broke the manic part of the episode. I thought I was sleeping kind of okay but apparently I was up all night every night curled into a ball starring at the wall (which sounds nuts lol...).
Anyways, even if nobody can answer my questions, I mostly wanted to say sorry and thank you. I don't know if you hear it enough but this sub and everyone in it is so nice, I don't know where I'd have ended up without you guys.
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self.bipolar
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Crying for help I'm suicidal, but I don't want to die. I want to just make a cry for help, but I don't want to be put back in the hospital. I'm so lost and I don't know what to do. Therapy and meds have never worked, and I don't think they ever will. Life is just a fucking shit hole that I don't wanna be in.
Edit: HOW THE HELL DO I CRY FOR HELP, but like, non verbally cause I can't do that shit
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self.SuicideWatch
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My psychiatrist has literally called me a "lazy git" [NSFW language] I'm not paraphrasing. I mean literally.
I admit, I haven't been doing all the behavioural activation stuff (though it was great she didn't seem that interested in positive stuff I have been doing) lots of professionals seem to bang on about, but it's just not that fucking simple. Sometimes a walk is just a walk and it doesn't make you feel better.
The other thing was that my partner getting upset all the time about me getting low, even an incidental low, was getting to me, but no, apparently I was "making excuses" and "avoiding" the issue.
I dunno what stage of grief "complaining about it on Reddit" is but I'm extremely pissed off. Maybe she is right, and assuming for the sake of argument she is, I don't see how using that kind of language is remotely helpful anyway. I mean for fuck's sake she's supposed to be professional.
What's the point of taking the ludicrous amount of medication I am if it comes down to being "lazy"?
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self.bipolar
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How do you distract your brain? No matter how I try to relax or distract myself... When I do, It initially works but it quickly starts to build pressure in my brain and eventually it becomes so annoying that I can focus no more and I am back to square one.
Do you guys have some methods that work for you?
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self.Anxiety
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She's about to get fired and I'm trying not to jump for joy (NAW) "She" is a narcissist with a slight disability at my workplace. She's finally racked up so many complaints by both employees and customers that management has no other choice but to fire her.
As lower management, I was in on the discussion and the decision, but I can't tell anyone, and I catch myself giddy with glee when I think about her leaving. Not the fact that she's being fired, but I'm so excited about going to a workplace without drama, histrionics, tantrums, and literally everything being about her.
When she's had complaints filed against her, she's blamed the other person for wanting to get her in trouble because of her disability. Customers wouldn't know she had this disability unless she made it known, so that's not true. Co-workers didn't care about her disability; she just does poor work. Plus, she carries a bible around with her and quotes passages about how she should turn the other cheek when someone is doing her wrong: like complaining about the shitty work she does.
I'm just so excited, I had to tell someone!
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self.offmychest
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Question about sending a friend thanks Hey guys,
This thanksgiving I'm thinking about sending some sort of message (i was thinking letter but it might be too late for that) to a friend of mine across the country. Shes going to be alone for the holiday, and I wanted to reach out to her and send her some holiday cheer. She struggles with depression and self esteem issues stemming from some trauma in her life, so im wary of saying the wrong thing and getting the opposite reaction I want her to have. She's a huge source of strength to me, an inspiration, and a big supporter of me and our other mutual friends. Everyone that knows her loves her and is impressed with her work ethic and her skills, but she can't see it. Im not trying to send her a message to convince her not to have self esteem problems, but rather trying to make it known that she's a great friend and I'm thinking about her. Good idea or no?
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self.depression
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It's 3am and I feel like absolute shit Sleep deprived af, verging on getting a cold, barely ate anything today, having the worst day I've had in a long time. Yet here I am, attempting to make myself clean the shit I was supposed to last week bc family is staying at the house this weekend and it has to get done. Fuck.
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self.depression
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She was
We went to the same college, in the same year, in the same department. We even had a few classes together. We weren't close friends..but she was an acquaintance, a classmate, an orgmate,.. a friend of a friend.
Today, she was killed together with a few others in a clash involving the rebels and the government. I'm not really sure of the details now, but I do know that she was involved in the youth movement. She has always been a good leader, despite her small physique she has the voice always ready mobilize the masses. I didn't know her much but her sudden passing had me totally shaken, horrified and disgusted at the same time. Horrified by how a young life can be easily taken away, disgusted by how seemingly unconscientious these lives are claimed.
It's nauseating to think that she used to be just a passing face in the hallway, but now she's on the local news, A Rebel Dead. Her life diminished to a few words. Life is fleeting, and hers just faded away in a short period of time. RIP
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self.offmychest
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Suggestions for someone w/ anxiety studying abroad? Personal experiences? Med suggestions/experiences? I’ve posted on this sub before with a similar question around August maybe. But anyway, I'm a 20 year old female, and for the better part of my life I've suffered from anxiety and depression. More recently, my anxiety has been more of a pressing issue than my depression. I started taking Zoloft (25mg then worked my up to 100mg over the course of several years) when I was 16 for depression related issues. Ever since last year though, I've been having these horrible, debilitating panic attacks. What usually happens is I get a weird, nausea-like feeling in my stomach, followed by a very anxious feeling, sweating, shaking, vomiting, dizziness, and I've passed out twice before. Over the summer I went to my physician to see what could be done and she had me on Buspar for a little bit, however that just made me cranky and more irritable and didn't do anything for me when I was actually having a panic attack. Then we stopped the Buspar and she added 100mg of Wellbutrin to take every day and prescribed 25mg Atarax (hydroxyzine) for breakthrough attacks. I went back to see her just the other day and explained to her that I've been feeling pretty sluggish lately and that the Atarax helps, but if I take it too many days in a row it becomes less effective and sometimes it gives me a headache. So her solution was to bump up the Wellbutrin to 150mg a day?? I've just been feeling very out of it and kind of detached recently (probably the past two weeks or so) and I can't figure out if it's the wellbutrin/Zoloft combination or what. I will say that the Wellbutrin has helped me in terms of my anxiety, though. Like when I feel myself starting to get anxious or feel like I have a panic attack coming on I am more easily able to talk myself down than I was before. Opinions? Suggestions? I'm just worried because I'm leaving the country (US) at the end of January and I'll be gone for several months. My ultimate fear is having something happen over there and not be able to handle it.
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self.Anxiety
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If (or when) it ends, it all will end. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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feeling horrible and ready to die hey. i'm just here to vent i guess. i'm a ftm teenager, and i have ptsd from molestation, anxiety, and depression. i've been doing much better as of late; ive gotten off one of my antidepressants, ive done better socially, and i've been feeling generally better. over the past year, ive dealt with a lot of shit, and its all just coming back. i feel like shit and everything has been crashing down at this point. ive been sleeping for twelve hours, ive been crying so much more than usual, i relapsed after 4 months of being clean and i just cant deal with it.
i want to die, but at the same time i dont. i know people care about me and i do want to help them, but it hurts so much to deal with everything.
i just took a large amount of zoloft. i know it wont kill me, or at least i probably wont, but it will do something. i dont know if i want help. i dont know why im posting this. im sorry,
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’m very sad... idk why but it’s been a few days already...
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self.depression
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what do I do? Three of my friends have told me they're struggling with depression and I'm trying to offer help and support as much as I can for all three of them but the thing is..I'm really suicidal and idk how to deal with it. I don't know how to help myself and I'm not sure I'm doing a particularly good job helping my friends.
These three are my closest friends and they're the only ones I can trust to talk about my struggles but would it be too selfish to do so? They're already going through so much and I really don't want to bother them any further. But then what do I do? It's getting too much for me to handle..
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self.SuicideWatch
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Just Talked Myself Out of a Panic Attack. Ugh! Recovering right now from one of the worst migraines I've ever had! I started feeling lightheaded and whoozy. That usually triggers panic (a lot of my anxiety symptoms seem to correlate with physical symptoms which are linked with past trauma in my subconscious).
When this started at first I freaked a little (quietly, its really late at night and I should be in bed sleeping). At some point, I just started saying out loud "You're just panicking because you're having a migraine and you're going to be fine."
One of my biggest fears is losing complete control of my body, passing out and never waking up. It's been my fear for a very long time. I'm a trauma survivor, so this is a big deal that I can push through something like this and realize that, in spite of it all, **I will be okay!** :) (PHEW!)
Well then....It's now 2:37 am and I'm the only one up except for the cats....I think I'm going to bed now! Night all! We got this! (Oh, and I'm gonna try to cut back on the caffeine---wish me luck!)
*Big BIG Hugs*
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self.Anxiety
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:/ I can’t go to school. I can’t answer questions in class because if I'm wrong I'll feel bad about myself. I can't be happy with myself.
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self.Anxiety
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Am I crazy? My current bout of depression seems to come with a feeling of self doubt about if I actually am depressed. Sometimes it feels like I'm just lying to myself about it and I'm faking it to have an excuse. The constant overthinking and worry about if I'm really truly sick makes things worse.
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self.depression
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What meds changed things for you/ hardcore meds for extreme depression? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I'm almost 25 and I feel so far behind. Throwaway account 'cause I'm. Freaking embarrassed about this, I guess. I'm 24, a woman, and stressing over the stupidest thing, it feels like I'm going through some dumb early life crisis.
I'm going to be 25 this month and it's hitting me that like. I'm still a virgin. I've never dated anyone, the last guy I kissed was almost seven years ago.
I know it's not important, I know it has no bearing on who I am as a person, I know being a virgin or not being a virgin doesn't affect who I am as a person or as a woman, but I guess I'm realizing that sex matters to me. I like to pretend it doesn't, but it does. I've even been having a hard time getting off on my own lately.
I don't know where to go to meet people, I don't know where to go for just random hook ups, I don't know how to do anything. Nobody ever wanted to date me in high school and nobody's wanted to date me as an adult. I never learned how to just. Go out and flirt and meet people at a bar or a club. A coworker didn't believe me and said I was a bad liar when I told her I'd never had sex. I just don't know what to do or how to feel better.
Is this dumb? Yeah. Being a virgin doesn't really MEAN anything. But I guess it means something to me and I'm afraid that soon I'll be 30 and a virgin.
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self.offmychest
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I want to feel good about myself That's all I want. I want to look myself in the mirror, see all of me, the good and the bad, the past and the present, the regrets and triumphs, and just tell myself "This is me, and that's good"
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self.depression
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anyone else feel like they would be suicidal even if they weren't depressed? i feel like i've got to the point where its not even that i don't see the point in living, but where I don't see the point in not dying, i guess. death is the only thing i really, really want. I don't really care for money, or love, or anything really. I just have an unshakeable urge to die. i feel like the views i hold and reasoning behind this really wont change, even if my depression is somehow magically cured.
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self.depression
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I wrote my doc. My lorazepam has been super hit or miss in the month since I've used it. I use roughly every 4 days on average. I've had what I'd call a roughly 55% success rate at both calming over anxious feeling, derealization, racing mind, and actual panic attacks with chest pain, breathing issues and feeling like I am going to die or that my child is going to die, uncontrollable crying, panic wothout a definite source and really awful derealization. I take 1mg as needed. I haven't had an suicidal ideation. Wtf, I'd ativan just not the drug for Me? I like the ability to take as needed, and long term drug therapy weords me out. I had an attack today because of my damn landlord and the ativan worked wonders, but now I've got a raging headache and am wondering why it seems so ineffective sometimes.
Again I've told her all this, no response yet (we can talk through a secure app and what not but it takes a day or so for them to get back to you)
Any thoughts?
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self.Anxiety
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Trying to remain secure Not sure how to word this,
I’m never really content with where I am. My insecurities always resurface and force me to over analyze myself when I’m with people I want to be cool with or whatever.
Does anyone else ever get that voice in the back of there head saying that you’re not enough? How do you personally combat these things? I used to think this kind of depression was an exaggeration but when it hit me I was like shit. It’s gotten to the point where I feel hopeless when I’m by myself when in fact I know there is hope.
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self.depression
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29, single, insecure, antisocial, loner, can’t control feelings, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, I have never thought about committing suicide idk why I just get super sad, I got a good job, family, very few friends, I feel like everything is just pointless like there’s no point, that I’m alone idk. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Beta blockers and Thyroid Just been prescribed beta blockers and have been booked in for a thyroid test, anyone have any experience with beta blockers?
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self.Anxiety
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Expectations Anybody else feel a constant pressure to live up to expectations or goals you set for yourself? Personally, I've been having panic attacks cause Im trying to teach myself philosophy/logic/pragmatism, economics, psychology, and literature at the same time by the time I graduate HS, in two years.
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self.Anxiety
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Career anxiety I posted about this over in /r/jobs as well, but I would imagine that most people there don't get anxiety like you guys do.
I basically have lots of anxiety about my career. I have tied my self worth 100% to my level of career success. If I'm stagnated (like I think I am), it must mean I am a lousy person.
At 36, I am still an individual contributor at my job. People younger than me are managers, directors, VPs, and even CEOs. I feel like due to my multi-faceted anxiety that I struggle with on a daily basis, that I'll never be able to make it to one of these positions.
I have no people skills, no leadership skills. I feel rotten about myself seeing others who have people reporting to them or are leading entire organizations. I don't know how they do it and keep their sanity - the mere thought of having that level of responsibility sends me into a near panic!
Given this, I feel like I have hit the ceiling of my career already, and the only way to go now is back down. Really puts a damper on my self esteem.
I wish I didn't tie my self worth so much to this.
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self.Anxiety
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Life feels like a dream/nightmare I feel so out of touch with reality. I feel like I'm in a dream and nothing is real. It's like the fog is so thick I can't even put words to it. Does anyone else have similar feelings?
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self.bipolar
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Anyone get jaw pain due to constant tenseness? I had constant headaches and my doctor pointed out how tight / tense my jaws were. Edit: so I've had depression for a couple years and was diagnosed with GAD, but recently it's been super bad. I'm sorta glad I'm not the only one who's been having these tension headaches / jaw pains, though if I could choose it to only be, I would gladly do so.
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self.Anxiety
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DAE simulate suicide? I spend a fair amount of time pretending I have a gun in my mouth and then pulling the trigger. Then proceed to lie down pretending to be dead. Sometimes I may use my belt and strangle myself (not to any major threshold), trying to imagine what asphyxia would be like. It's very comforting to do, makes me realise that I can switch everything off at my own discretion, and shows that if I were to enter the void it isn't quite as scary as I think.
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self.depression
|
My first New Years kiss, and getting rejected. This weekend was really fun, went to LA on Saturday, came home and partied for NYE the next day.
Went to this bar with my roommate, a couple of our friends, and a friend of mine from high school (this is the girl who was my NYE kiss and then rejected me afterwards.)
Had a few drinks waiting for the countdown to midnight, come the strike of twelve, I lean in and whisper in her ear if I could be her New Years kiss. She smiled and said yes, and we kissed, and god did that feel good. Now, I’ve had a crush on this girl for a long time, and I finally built up the courage to make my move, and I made it.
Afterwards before we had left, I took her aside and told her how I felt, I told her that I was really attracted to her, her personality, the whole nine yards. But after I finished confessing my feeling for her, she doesn’t really respond to it. We walk out of the bar and go about the rest of the night.
2 days later, I still haven’t heard from her. I like to think I handled getting shot down well. Better than I have handled it before. And honestly yesterday, it didn’t really bother me too much. But right now today, it’s kind of bumming me out.
I’ve been a lonely dude for a long time. I have a bad fear of rejection. It felt good to get over that fear the other night, but now, I feel the loneliness setting in again. It’s a new year, and that means there’s a whole 365 days I’ll have to meet someone new.
Being frank, as far as what I want out of life, I want so badly to meet someone, have feelings for them, and have those feelings be reciprocated. I want to be able to let someone in, and love and be loved.
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self.offmychest
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What is the point? What is the point of being alive if when we die we don’t remember any of it? It’s really only worth living if you are happy. Being sad, depressed, and anxious all the time is fucking miserable. I have friends and family that I care for as they care for me. All I seek is affection, someone to care for and vice versa, I’ve been through 3 heart breaks in the past 6 months all from the same shit. It’s all a fucking game to these peoppe, and I am so done with it. I was studying to become a doctor but honestly I just fucking hate people now so why fucking bother helping them. When does shit actually work out for me, because I will lose my mind if I keep going like this. I am not happy or satisfied even tho people wish they could have my life. I wish they would honestly this ain’t worth it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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First post - serious job anxiety, wanting to quit Hi, r/anxiety. This is my first post.
I've been dealing with anxiety for most of my life, but I started a new job six weeks ago and I'm going into a serious spiral. I dread going to work in the morning after a poor night's sleep - waking up multiple times, night sweats, racing heart - and when I'm there I just want to leave. I watch the clock until it's time to go. When I go home I can't relax because I'm thinking about having to go back the next day. My weekends aren't enjoyable for the same reason. I'm constantly nauseous and I have stress headaches. My hands shake all the time.
Anxiety makes me forgetful and easily distracted, it gives me serious brain fog where I just forget how to act, and this leads to making mistakes at work. I panic when I realize the mistake, and my haste to fix it leads to more mistakes, compounding on each other. My boss is frustrated with my performance; he sat me down the other day and told me my performance is poorly affecting his clients and his business. He doesn't deserve an employee that makes so many errors, but at the same time I don't deserve to hate my job and my life.
I want to quit. I feel terrible about the idea of leaving so soon after starting, but I can't live like this. I'm on the verge of tears all the time. At first I thought I only needed to adjust, but I'm realizing that I am not a good fit for the industry, or the company. My coworkers are all nice people, and they're good at what they do. This is my problem.
I have an appointment to see my doctor on Monday evening. It's my first time getting treatment for my anxiety; I think I may have depression and OCD, too. I've been googling resignation letter templates all day.
Has anyone else ever quit a job because of anxiety?
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self.Anxiety
|
Hella night time anxiety Yeah it's dark and I'm not a fan
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self.Anxiety
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Going on first holiday with boyfriend - anxious to leave my comfort zone? Any advice would be great!
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self.Anxiety
|
What to do? Hello, im normal 19 years old guy with a normal life that decided to tell you about some things that bothers him.
GIRLS
Ive always wanted a serious relationship so circa 3 years back i started trying to find one. Since then ive met many girls but i found out im not able to fall in love or when i get more to know them i lose interest (my longest relationship was like a 2-3 months.. and i say longest because everytime it hold like for a 14 days of dating.) I think its caused because girls in my country.. theyre all the same or very similiar here. 80% behave like h0es. 10% are normal but far away and 10% has boyfriend. Right now ive got into phase when i stopped finding girl and started just friendzoning them.
ACTIVITIES
Well, activities... school consumes most of my time, so i only once in a week go on training and my whole week looks like "SLEEP-SCHOOL-COMPUTER-SLEEP". Sometimes on weekends i go to bar with friends, but somewhere deep inside i feel it isnt that thing i want to do every week, so because of this i occassionaly choose to ditch them. I feel i need a change, but i think im on a right way and very soon im gonna add some things into my regime and change my hobbies a little.
WHEREDOIBELONG?
So, thats 2 most things that bothers me, but just after the main thing.. the main thing is, that i think i dont even belong to my country. My heart is somewhere in Scandinavia. Ive always liked people from there and even their culture. But i will be able to move there or visit it in 2 years (me and my friends have plan to live there for a while and „work and travel“), till then i have to endure here. You know, but still heres a thing .. what if i wouldnt be happy even there?
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self.offmychest
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I'm seriously so tired I have been through so much the past few years. I'm 23, still in undergraduate at uni, and already in a LOT of debt because of how fucking dumb I've been. Now I have a part of a project due tomorrow and my partner hasn't replied to any of my texts or emails at all, and the professor for that class is a huge asshole, another class I;m taking i found out isn't even required for my major, and as usual I have money problems. I'm so sick of everything being so hard when everyone has everything on eays mode because of a few dumb ass mistakes I made. I fucking hate my life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Having a tough day. Had to call out of work today for the first time in a while because of a panic attack. Nothing in particular has caused it. It's just a hard day and it's only just begun. I'm thankful for this sub and those of you who share your experiences, so on days like today I don't feel like I'm absolutely mental.
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self.Anxiety
|
Every time I say to myself "I can do this" there's a little voice saying "Why? You don't matter" and I can't do this anymore I'm sorry, but I just needed to say it. It's torture. I don't know what's worse - giving up or fighting.
It's just that whenever I come up with a reason to live, whenever I assure myself that I am going to pull through and have a nice life, this other freaking voices simply chimes in with "Why would you do that though? Do you really think you matter? Do you really think that you would be able to help anyone? Do you think that you'll get accepted to a good college? We both know that isn't true."
 
No matter what I do, the voice (I call it Sylvia because it is a female voice but audibly not "mine") wins. When I try to fight it just drives me over the edge, it continues until I give up, until I break and need to punish myself for ever thinking that I could help someone, that I could achieve something.
But when I don't fight, when I go "Right, sorry, I forgot that I'm a waste of space for a second, haha." I don't have to argue with Sylvia and at least I don't feel even worse than before. Yes, I feel empty and numb, and, in a way, it's the worst feeling I've ever experienced, but I don't need to punish myself, I don't cry tears of rage.
 
I'm not sure what to do anymore. All I see around me are people whom I've failed to help, all I see is my selfishness calling me out: "Think about the people, you're selfish. You think you could change something, huh? How selfish!" Everything I do is selfish. Literally. I talk to someone - "Wow, you're so selfish, think about all the better people they could be talking to right now." I don't talk to someone - "How can you? Do you think you're better? You're just a selfish brat! What if they're sad now, what if they wanted to talk to you, huh?"
I can't do anything right, literally everything is wrong, even writing this is wrong. I can hear Sylvia screaming at me that it's selfish to bother you guys with my petty problems.
 
I've tried to kill myself four times so far. I have some memory problems though so I literally forgot to finish it the first three times. It's rather funny in hindsight. The fourth time failed due to my pocket knife being too dull. I am thinking about trying again. I could drown myself, or jump from our roof, I could drink something poisonous, I could grab a kitchen knife and stab myself in the chest or I could steal my father's gun and shoot myself.
 
And no, I cannot tell my family about this, the last time I said anything, I got "I am tired of this, if you like me, don't tell me those things anymore, I don't want to hear them" in response. Even my own family is tired of my bullshit, wow.
 
I just...I don't know anymore...I apologise for bothering you all.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Struggling after a miscarriage I had an early miscarriage last month. I've been sad on and off for the last couple weeks, which is totally normal. This is our first cycle trying again and my period is due this week. I've been super anxious and depressed to tht point where I can barely function the past two days. I've been compulsively taking pregnancy tests and just can't lose the thoughts. I'm trying to distract myself but it's not working. Anyone been here? I feel like my obsessive thoughts are just making this so much harder than it is on other people. See my therapist tomorrow so just trying to make it through today.
|
self.bipolar
|
Writing to you guys from the hospital 14F here. Last night, I tightened a belt around my neck, tied it to a rack in my closet, and leaned back until I was lightheaded and saw double. I wrote a suicide note to my big brother. I’m completely fine, it was more of a gesture than a real attempt, even though the doctor’s are using that interchangeably.
I told my parents right after, and I scared them so bad. I feel so bad, they have so much on their plate right now in terms of work and general life stress. I could have just said “I want to see my therapist more often” instead of “I think about killing myself and death every day”.
I’m such a burden to my parents, they didn’t sign up for all this mess.
The hospital is so boring, there’s a guard always watching me outside my room, my mom is sitting next to me all the time and won’t let me out of her sight (she even made me sleep in my parents’ bed last night), and I got my blood drawn and passed out for the first time. I want to go home so badly, it’s my fault I’m here. I’m waiting for the therapist or whoever to come in, but I don’t know when that will be since they come see people in the ER in between patients.
I hurt myself because I feel like I’ve ruined my life. I’ve had sex with people in the double digits, manipulated and lied to a lot of them about my age (I look much older than I really am). I hate all the people I let crawl inside my body. I gave myself away to whoever would have me, I had no self respect and couldn’t even comprehend the consequences. I did just about every drug I could get my hands on. I was a humongous slut. All this happened from when I was 12-13, and then I came to my senses a few months ago. I’ve been trying to change so much, but I feel like nobody will ever want a disgusting slut like me. That someday everybody will find out what I’ve done in the past and abandon me, which has happened with a guy I liked before. He found out I had sex with two of his ugly, horrible friends and dropped me. That sent me even further down into this awful dark place. I wish I was innocent and pure and happy again. I wish I wasn’t such a reckless fuck up. I don’t want to tell my parents what I’ve done. My mom knows I’m not a virgin, but she doesn’t know the extent of it all. I got tested awhile ago, it’s an absolute miracle I’m 100% clear of any STDs.
I feel so guilty about even kissing somebody now.
I have this secret I carry around with me every day. Everybody will be disgusted and hate me. My brother knows a lot of what I did, he called me a massive slut. And it’s true. The worst part about this is that I did all of this to myself.
I feel like there’s no way out of this except to die. I already ruined my life. If I ever wanted to be successful in the public eye (I used to do acting and stuff) then somehow everybody would find out. Or somebody I lied to in the past about my age to have sex with me would find out (the oldest I’ve ever been with was 22. I was 12. A majority of all the people were older than me.)
I don’t deserve to live. I am in constant guilt and shame for what I’ve done. This would be so much easier if it was just some chemical imbalance in my head or something I’m not responsible for. I know everybody makes mistakes, but I did this all to myself. Me. And I should pay the consequences.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Am I unhappy with him or just a bit stressed? [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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My S/O Doesn't Trust me to Help Her Anxiety My girlfriend and I (both late 20s) have been together for a year- she has GAD and has an attack roughly once a month. The trend seems to be that something would bother her (whether it be home, school, family, friends, me, etc) and she would internalize it and let it build inside until things boil over and she would get triggered by the next bad thing that happened to her.
Early on in our relationship, I was guilty of triggering her anxiety a couple times- she would get upset at something I did or said, or get upset that I was upset about something she did, and the resulting argument we had would devolve into an attack.
As I’ve learned more about her and about GAD in general, I’ve felt like I become better at understanding how to avoid triggering her and that I’ve done a good job, but it feels like she can take even the most harmless things and turn them into a reason to fight. She holds grudges against things that I’ve apologized for, and she doesn’t seem to see the changes I’ve made to be better. I find myself apologizing over and over for the smallest missteps while she doesn’t apologize at all.
She is adamant that she doesn't want to see a therapist or take medication for her anxiety- her current way of dealing with it is trying to get over it herself and occasionally talking with her best friend about it (but even that is dependent on whether or not they hang out within a few days of her attack... if they don't already have plans, she doesn't reach out so she can talk about it). I don’t want to push her toward anything- I know it’s not my decision to make- but she gets defensive anytime the subject of her anxiety is even brought up, saying that she can handle it herself.
Lately, whenever she gets triggered and I am with her, she lashes out at me, telling me to get away from her and that my words mean nothing. When I try and talk to her, she says I am not respecting her. I’ve been giving her space (she now freezes me out for a day or two and waits for me to initiate contact again) but we seldom talk about what triggered her and how we can work through those things together. She says she is tired of talking about these things with me and that it doesn’t help since the attacks keep coming back. I know it’s her prerogative whether or not she wants me to help, and so I try and respect her wishes.
I fear, though, that she sees me as the problem- and now I fear that maybe I am the problem. I have been doing as much as I can to support her- staying positive and encouraging, sending her reassuring messages every day, reminding her that I am there for her and that I care for her, researching about how to be a supportive partner to someone with GAD, and talking with a therapist myself to help me process everything going on. I have tried to educate myself on how to care for her, and I feel like I do the best job I can do when these situations arise, but it doesn’t feel like she trusts me and maybe even blames me for her attacks.
There are times when she is okay (not having an attack) where she asks for reassurance that I won’t give up on her, and I have promised both to her and myself that I won’t. However, I feel pretty helpless at this point, especially since she always pushes me away. I care about her so much, but I know this is not healthy for either of us and that it is unsustainable, and I want to stop this pattern before this relationship becomes irreparably damaged… if it’s not already.
I don’t know how much of this is my fault and how much of this is the anxiety. I just want to help her. I want her to be happy and healthy, and I know I make her happy. But I am feeling more and more that she might be better off without me in her life.
Is there a way I can still be a good partner to her? Or this relationship a lost cause?
(tl;dr: my girlfriend pushes me away when she has anxiety attacks because she doesn't trust me to help her deal with it. Help, please.)
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self.Anxiety
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It's so hard to focus at work, in school, or in public. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Attempting to take a big step after attempting to starve myself Some of you may have read some of the posts I’ve written these last few days... yup, I did attempt to go days without eating. I did manage almost two days without eating, but I just wanted food so badly at the end of it. I was lightheaded and sort of dizzy. I was very hungry and, walking around at the mall, I was constantly tempted to just eat something.
I ended up buying sushi and butter with no sugar (so I could have something else as well). I’m still a bit hungry, but I am not going to push it. I will hand in my towel and just go through the cleaning regiment that is required of me - however, I am going to try and brush my teeth a lot quicker. I haven’t eaten anything that really contains any sugar (I’d say, probably less than a gram combined). Perhaps I’ll be able to do this without overdoing anything. If all goes well... maybe I’ll eat a small meal every day. If not, I’ll go back to eating one meal every other day.
Anyway, I just wanted to share an update. We’ll see how it goes. Even if it goes well, I won’t eat more than one meal per day, and I won’t relax as far as ingredients goes. There are still a lot of things I can’t drink or eat anymore. I’m just sort of tired of starving and I sincerely miss food. I haven’t eaten properly since 2016, since then, and including at least one month in 2016, I have only eaten two meals at most per day. More often than not, though, I have only eaten one meal per day. I really miss the days when I’d eat properly. Still, I can’t do that and still be able to relax. But I will try doing it this way.
I hope everything goes well. I’m thinking perhaps I’ll set the timer and only allow myself to brush for five minutes. What do you think?
Wish me luck!
Edit:
For the record, I failed miserably, but at least I’ll try. I’ll have to continue eating one meal every other day. It was a tad bit easier, sure, but this didn’t work as well as I had hoped at all. I though perhaps I’d finish at around ten minutes. Instead, I was done brushing them after 26 minutes of brushing. And this was me going fast. This makes me wonder how much time I really spent the other days... I never timed it, I just assumed.
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self.offmychest
|
Sitting in my car and wondering what I should do I know a huge part of it is because I'm out of paxil and I can't get a refill until I see my doctor next week. But I've been wondering what the point is before the meds even ran out. We can't afford December's rent, the landlady is breathing down my neck because of November, I'm failing all of my classes, still haven't found a way to deal with my chronic stomach pain... I can't even afford to take care of my pets right now. I've let my husband down. my step kids. My animals. Myself.
I know I should just go to the er and tell them I want nothing more than to die right now. I can't stop crying. But I've already missed a ton of work and I haven't even finished my first 90 days. If I go in, I'll probably lose my job. We're already too broke to feed ourselves.
There are train tracks a block away and all I want to do is lie down on them and never wake up again
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self.SuicideWatch
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The key to all your problems Hey there, i would like you to give you the tools to end your suffering with this post.
Whats the reason for your suffering?
Well, thoughts.
To prove this, try this.
You can think of winning a million dollars and you will feel a positive emotion and you can imagine your family member dying and feeling depressed.
Try it, you got nothing to lose everything to gain.
Soo, if thoughts cause all types of suffering, than disbelieving those thoughts can make you feel happy, content, fulfilled.
Dont believe me? Try to imagine when you first got something you really wanted. Maybe it was a car, or a girlfriend or your job.
In that moment you werent suffering. Why? You lost some thoughts that caused suffering, soo you were left with happiness.
If you got a better job, you might lost thoughts like: This job is bad, this is job humilliates me, etc.
And you can also see that you get happiness from absence of thought when you arent thinking or a.k..a being distracted.
If you are interested in this, check Noah Elkrief on youtube.
Its not me, i just learned from him, lel
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self.depression
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Talking in class is part of our discussion grade, I was shaking the whole time. My British literature class has about 200 people in it and as a grade we have to respond to discussion questions the professor asks in front of everyone through a microphone. She asked a question that I knew the answer to and I missed my points last unit for not speaking so I wanted to get my points this time and as soon as she handed me the microphone I started shaking uncontrollably and my heart rate jumped through the roof.
It's not even a fear of public speaking, I have no issue saying things in front of people but when it comes to giving my opinion to 200 people all staring at me I'm terrified of not being accepted socially. I don't want to say something and then everyone just be like "well this guy's stupid". Idk if this even counts as anxiety but just the fact that the thought of doing something could make me shake and my heart rate increase as fast as it did scares me.
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self.Anxiety
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I don't know how I'm going to handle this feeling for the next 60 years [deleted]
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self.depression
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How do I tell my parents I’m feeling depersonalized ?
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self.Anxiety
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I'm trying to get a girlfriend as hard as I can, and when around this time of year my family hits me with the annual "have you found a girlfriend yet?" questions, I want to scream in their faces. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I think I'm becoming delusional. Nothing makes sense to me and everything seems so fucked up. It's so hard to look past the fact that life has no meaning and even if I try to distract myself from it, reality hits me hard. I hate how the world works. I hate how society is forcing us to change ourselves so that we can fit in. How we are supposed to chase money all our lives to gain materialistic happiness. I hate how I can't be myself and I have to change and become more productive so that I can work hard and the top 1% will benefit from it. You don't have control over anything that's happening to you. Even your freedom is limited. We go through so much discomfort and struggle to get one short moment of happiness. We are forced to fake positivity even if things aren't going well. The worst part is, you can't do anything about it and you're forced to put up with it. And we get so caught up in chasing all these things that we need, to be validated by everyone around us that we get distracted. We get used to it all. We feel satisfied with the way things are. I don't understand how people are ok with this. I don't understand why people don't think about this. Is it because they chose not to? I feel so overwhelmed by reality. I'd rather just die than to go through all this because I'm unfit to live in this society. I don't have any money. I'm dumb. I'm flawed. I have too many imperfections. I'm not optimistic. I don't work hard. I don't have motivation. There's just too many things that's wrong with me. I can keep going on. And I'm tired of having this facade and acting like everything is going great even when it's not. I couldn't say everything I feel bcz I don't know how to put it in words.
"Life sucks. Get over it. That's just how the world works, deal with it." but how? How can I distract myself from all these thoughts? How can I put on a happy face and live in denial?
Maybe I'm overthinking Everything but I can't help it. I feel like I'm in a state of clarity when I'm having these episodes. And in a weird way I don't wanna be cured. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. Sorry if it's all over the place. I'm just really confused. And I don't know what to do. Ive tried so many times but I just can't control these thoughts.
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self.depression
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I don't want the rest of my life tb this way [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Helping with my girlfriend's depression Hi reddit,
i just really needed some help. my girlfriend and i have been in a Long distance relationship for about 3 years now. throughout this time she has told me the way she really benefits from being told reasons why she is loved, not worthless, cared about, etc. My problem is that i am completly awful with my words. and no matter what i do instead of being there and supporting her. i overthink everything, i take things personally, i dont know what to say half of the time, and for some reason i try so hard to reach into myself and say something supportive but nothing comes out. nothing works. and i just panic and say pointless things that make no impact while she is stuck feeling bad. and i just feel so awful that i fail to support her in the way she needs. Something that i try to constantly remind myself is to vocally tell her all the positive things i think about her. but i slip up and forget to mention them constantly. i forget to call her first, text her first. be there for her first all the time. i have been a loner for most of my life and coming out and being talkitive and supportive in a way other than physical affection is so hard for me for some reason (she doesnt always like physical comforting). A friend of hers she is able to be so much more open to. she is able to tell him how she feels, he is able to sometimes talk to her and support her and help her feel better. it feels like i should know her by now and everytime she doesnt tell me something i take it personally. i know she doesn't mean to not tell me on purporse, i'm just providing an example. At this point i am considering therapy or just anything to help me be supportive in the way she needs me to be. i'm just not sure what to do or how to change.
She is going to Therapy next month i know she is doing all she can. but regardless i know i have to change too for our relationship sake. are there any tips/suggestions/ things i can do to improve myself. I love her so much and i just want to be a better boyfriend for her.
also i am sorry if this is the wrong reddit to post too. as far as i know i dont think i have depression.
Thank you for reading
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self.depression
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Help! My cousin sounds suicidal, can you give some tips? She's lost her job a couple weeks ago that she was in for 18 years. Anyway, she was fired without being given a reason, and now I found her drunk (she doesn't drink) and she's rambling like crazy.
She's incredibly depressed and I'm not sure what she might do.
Do you have tips about what I can do to help her?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Is it possible to feel like shit and happy at the same time? [deleted]
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self.depression
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He kissed me and I didn't push away This is so hard to write out I feel like a jerk.
Two days ago when everyone was passed out from bar hopping we were up talking on our friend's pullout couch, just shooting the shit and cracking jokes. He kept getting close; he kept whispering in my ear; he was affectionate and finding any tiny excuse to touch me. Then he leaned in and kissed me quickly on the lips and told me to go to bed. I was tipsy but to be honest that's an excuse. I'd be lying if I said I was surprised he did this or if it bothered me. It's what he admitted the day after that has been bothering me.
He admitted to have never gotten over me and still has feelings for me. That he hasn't found anyone like me and I mean so much to him. It killed me so much because I didn't know it was like *that*. I realized then and there that I love him and never want to lose him - but not in the same way he feels. I told him this and he accepted it just like that. I thought, "Yay great! This doesn't ruin our friendship!" But now I feel so selfish...I feel so mean for reciprocating his affections and letting his feelings fester like this all these years just for me to basically say, "Nah dude I don't feel like that but can you just ignore your feelings and stay as a close friend even though I totally gave you mixed signals and we kissed and shit? Thanks."
I feel like such an asshole. But what do I do?? I can't tell him this without making it awkward and I don't want to lose what we have...Fuck.
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self.offmychest
|
I want to be friends with extroverted, outgoing people I'm in my last semester of university in a good major. I'm pretty smart and likely have a good career ahead of me. I have a lot of friends who I can depend on if I need help. I have a girlfriend and a stable relationship. So why do I not feel like my life is fulfilling?
Growing up I was a shy and nerdy kid, and I kept close to only a few people. After a bad break up I learned how to put myself out there. I learned to dress and groom myself, I learned how to step up and introduce myself. I joined clubs, showed off my hobbies and talents, and learned to be proud of who I am. I met a girl who loves me and who I love back, and who makes sure to show it to me. So why do I not feel like this is enough?
My friends are all the same friends I've had from when I was quiet and shy. Introverted, quiet types. The types to prefer a night by themselves, or to just play the same video games and watch the same shows with us. My girlfriend is the same. She talks of big dates and fun adventures, of trying new things, but it also turns to the struggle of scheduling time in. Studying or working during the day, and wanting just a quiet night together once a week. Intimacy but not variety. They've helped me through so much and I love them, and I would never trade them away. But I feel like I want more.
I want to be with extroverted people. I thrive when I'm with others, and I hate to be by myself for more than a few days. I want to find people who love other people. I want people who like to party, to go out and be with new people and with others rather than just in our apartment playing video games. I want people who prioritize time for fun adventures, and have the creativity and the drive to make those happen. I want people who thrive in the company of others, and seek out that company.
I love my friends. I love my girlfriend. They're smart, responsible and stable. They're successful in school, and in their careers. They've helped me sort out my problems and get me on track for a good future. But god damn, where's the fun? Where's the people? Where's the letting loose, the actions to back up their words?
I don't know what I want. I don't know what I need. And I don't know if they're even the same thing. All I know is that I want an exciting, fulfilling life full of exciting, fulfilling people. And I don't know how to get that.
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self.offmychest
|
I never knew this type of pain was physically possible [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
A fairy tale I wrote while crying In a land far far away lived a little princess. And she was so little that all her hopes and dreams could only be as big as she was. So she lived out her mediocre life until a witch came to her and asked her a question. "Your majesty, I see your heartache through your polite smiles. What is it that you really want?" The little princess slightly amused gave her a serious answer in a joking way, "I want something to look forward to." Then POOF! All the little princess's troubles went out the window and she saw so many wondrous things in her future. And it made her okay with her distorted reality for she had a life. Something special wrapped up by the flesh and blood. Something that no one could take away. Not even herself. The witch smiled and walked away and the little princess broke into tears in the market. She was free.
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self.depression
|
Crazy how you have to put an insane amount of work to be somewhat acceptable [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Fuck it I'm day drunk, miserable, and not feelin the pills.
Fuck this shit.
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self.depression
|
Realization is setting in On Canada Day in 2016 I went to a party and I was 15 turning 16 at the time. In March of 2015 I had broken off a two and a half year relationship which ended very messy and with a lot of harassment from my Ex. This happened at a time when we discovered my 10 year old sister was cutting herself from peer pressure from her internet friends but that’s another story.
So on Canada day my neighbour was having a party, she was two years older than me, same age as my ex and since we are from a small collection of communities we all went to the same high school. I started the night off hard with a 26 ounce bottle of 15% alcohol which is a lot for someone who barely drank, then followed up with three black flys which are 7% coolers. I was incredibly intoxicated but still having fun. The night got cold and my ex was there with his new girlfriend. I was friends with her at the time and she said oh hold on I’ll get you (we will just call him Leo) Leo’s sweater he won’t mind. So anyways she gets me his sweater and I’m off having a grand time.
Around 12:30 I called it a night because I knew I was too drunk for my own good. No one was home at my house so I was going to be there alone. I have no recollection of the walk home or saying goodbye to anyone even though I had apparently given lots of hugs and kisses to the cheeks of all my friends. I do not remember anything from shortly after I got the sweater and the harder I try to piece the puzzle together the more fuzzy it becomes. What had happened according to my best friend was that I went home and crawled into bed with the covers over me and also had decided to come check on me to make sure I was okay. When my friend (she had another mutual guy friend of ours come down with her cause the path was dark) came down to see what was taking him so long she told me she expected him to be getting me a glass of water or something but she found him with his head between my legs, his shorts unbuttoned and mine thrown on the floor.
She messaged me days later to ask me if I had talked to him about it or if I was going to tell his girlfriend. I was dumbfounded and didn’t have a clue what she was talking about then I got nervous thinking maybe I had kissed him before I went home and people saw. When she explained to me what had happened and when I still didn’t understand she started to cry. I was so confused because I have. No recollection of what she explained ever happening and then she started to say that he raped me but I begged her not to say anything because I didn’t know if I had played a part in it. She promised not to tell and she hasn’t since that day. But I messaged Leo later that day and asked him about it and then he went back to my friend and threatened her into keeping her mouth shut which made me think that this was not my fault at all. I have a screenshot of a message of him saying ‘it was all my fault, I did this to you but no one can know’ so he admitted to doing something but whenever I’d ask what happened he wouldn’t say.
With light of the me too campaign I started to understand the different scenarios of sexual assault. I never consented to what he did to me, I don’t remember what happened, I don’t remember going home that night. I was intoxicated and he was sober. Was I sexually assaulted or is my mind playing tricks on me? This never affected me this way until I recently brought it up to my current boyfriend and he freaked out and was so mad. I didn’t understand his anger and I can’t tell if I’m allowed to be angry for something I don’t remember. I feel violated but it doesn’t hurt me the way it does others. I’m still able to have sex and masturbate unlike some who go through sexual abuse but I feel this weird void inside of me now. Like something has awaken and swallowed me whole and Ive gotten to a new low for me. I’m so tempted to mix all the prescriptions in my parents medicine cupboards. I have a stash of them already I’m just trying to find the right time.
Am I allowed to feel this way?
Was I actually assaulted or am I playing a victim card?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
How do I find motivation to seek help? I feel like I want to wallow in my self pity and waiting until I decide that I want to die. How do I convince myself that I should go get help, if I dont want any help?
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self.SuicideWatch
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