text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
Is this level of memory loss normal? -Forgetting my surroundings, getting lost in familiar places such as my neighborhood
-Inability to come up with a sentence on the spot, when I used to be able to carry a conversation clearly years ago (with this comes way too much stuttering and slurred speech)
-Never aware of the date (or month/year bt this happens infrequently)
-Forgetting something a person dictates to me despite it being seconds ago, as if I've never heard it
-Seeing something I have written or drawn years ago and having no memory of it, as if it were written by someone else
I know most of the time if someone has concerns, the advice is to go to a doctor. But I need to know if this level of memory loss is not linked to depression. For years I have brought up feeling scared and humiliated due to my increasing lack of long and short term memory, and I am told it's a side effect of depression and once I combat it, it will come back to me. It's been three years. It's hard for me to find work in this state of mind. I need to know if I should stop thinking too hard about this, I can't waste money until I am absolutely sure any complaint I bring up with a doctor or psychiatrist will produce results (aka I can get help) or it's useless.
For the record I don't take drugs/alcohol and I haven't been on psychiatric medicine since Winter 2017 since antidepressants do nothing to help, and most medicine I've been on exacerbated these problems. I've tried 9 medications total so I also wonder if that has an effect on my worsening memory. Which I also have brought up qith doctors but to no avail.
|
self.depression
|
Anyone else have lingering side effects after stopping Latuda? I’m super sensitive to medication, and had suicidal thoughts and super high anxiety, including full-on anxiety attacks, from only 11 days or so of Latuda, 20mg. I stopped almost two weeks ago, and am still crying at work, panicking all the time, and having near-constant feelings of childlike fear. I’ve been working out, and I visited my family over the weekend, which helped, but now I’m freaking out again and am afraid to be alone. As an introvert, this is a very new feeling. Anyone else experience the same on Latuda?
|
self.bipolar
|
My Existence Bothers Me I am bugged and irritated by me being a real thing. I want to separate myself from myself. I do not feel in line with myself or any aspects of my life. This sounds vague cause it’s hard to explain, but at the moment I am motionless
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
801 days left. Made a promise back when I was 17 that I wouldn't kill myself until I was 30. Only 801 days left to find a reason to live. I could go into all the crippling mental illness I had since I was 7 but there's no reason. I will die and no one will ever know even a 1% of what I have suffered cause of a chemical imbalance in my brain. So close....so very close until I can finally be at peace.
|
self.depression
|
I'm not as antisocial as they think I am First off let me say this-I am a loner by nature. I am happily married and have an amazing family. But I've always been aloof. Always. As a teenager and young adult I had 1 good friend she went to church with me and she was 15 years older than me. More like a big sister. She became an enemy after I got married almost 9 years ago. She started hating me from the moment I met my future husband 9 years ago. She said he wasn't good enough for me he was in it for one thing and he was too old for me. She was absolutely jealous I found love at 22 he was 31 when we met. He was a full time preacher had a wonderful nuclear family (I love his family) and he had his own apartment and car etc. She hid her hatred I had her in my wedding thought everything was fine. Two weeks before our wedding he lost his job as a preacher. Long story and my then friend told me to run. I never told my husband that. I straight up told her I'm getting married in 2 weeks it'll all work out. It did she got even madder when we got a different apartment and he got a factory job. I got sick. I mean really sick. I found out I have endometriosis and from the moment I found out she said I was such a faker I couldn't possibly be that sick. On and on. I finally cut ties with her a year after we married and moved to a different state. I haven't had a best friend since then. My husband tried preaching for 2 years I am not conservative and I was not welcomed by other women in the churches he preached at. My clothes weren't good enough my hair was not natural I showed too much of my body etc. I tried to be friendly and go out of my way but people just seem to think I'm too wild. I'm in my 30s I'm tame compared to my 20s. I have tried to make friends I have no close friends no one I can invite over and say let's watch chick flicks with my daughter and widowed mother in law (she lives with us). I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety along with fibromyalgia so I have good days and bad days. I go to church people will talk to me at church or go to lunch with me and my family but other than that I'm alone. They have their own lives and I have mine. My husband says it's my fault. It's not my fault that the monthly ladies bible class lands on a Thursday the day after I have to make it to church that night. I'm usually trying to feel well enough Thursday to even make the bed. I'm friendly I'm not weird yes I wear stylish clothes I refuse to dress frumpy like so many I know at church. I'm beginning to think I'll always be alone and I guess it's ok. I'm not moving two towns over to be closer to church people so they'll spend time with me. It's not my fault at all. Even when my husband was preaching I was not the typical preachers wife like I said before. I don't wear skirts down to my ankles unless I haven't shaved I wear sleeveless shirts outside of church i dress cute. I just hate the whole she's different so let's not include her. I have someone I consider a friend who homeschools my daughter but I'm not close to her. I go out of my way to be nice but I feel like saying no more mr nice guy and say forget it. I'll do my thing they do theirs end of story. Sorry for the wall of text. Just needed to get that out.
|
self.offmychest
|
I love her I think she loves me too, in her own way. But never like I love her. I want to have her as a woman, but there are so many reasons it will never be. Distance, religion, not to mention age. But I still love her. I'll never tell her so I tell her here. I love you Morgan.
|
self.offmychest
|
So I will just post my problems and questions -I am a bitter man
-I hate my life
-I worry so much about the future
-Everytime I try to prove something to myself or prove others wrong I fail
-I don't have perspectives
-I'm lonely
-I'm broken
-I have sad attitude for my entire live
How to live with these problems, how to live unsucessfull live
|
self.depression
|
I just concluded I'm gay, and I can't tell anyone I've been unsure (or at least non-accepting) of being gay for about 8 years (I'm 23).
Last night, my parents were out and I decided to give Grindr a go. I met a fantastic guy on there, and I went over to his house - I'd told him I was exploring and I was only really interested in getting a BJ.
When I get there, we have a great chat for a while, then head to the bedroom. We ended up doing A LOT more than I planned for (all with consent from both parties, obviously).
I enjoyed it so much, that there is no question in my mind - I am gay...
...but I can't tell anyone. For many reasons, it really just isn't right for me to tell my parents. I know my friends would accept it and understand fine, but I'm not comfortable just telling them it was a random guy on Grindr! I also HATE keeping things from my parents (once I've told other people) as it just gives me a knot in my stomach, permanently.
So, here I am, getting it off my chest here, hoping it gets rid of my urge to blurt it out at any given moment.
|
self.offmychest
|
Every damn year. Screw you Black Friday shoppers. The sales are online. The sales will be on through Christmas. The retail workers that you cuss out, trample on, spit at... ARE PEOPLE THAT DON’T DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIRD CLASS CITIZENS SO YOU CAN SAVE 35¢ ON A WASHCLOTH!!!! Be respectful. Use what you learned in KINDERGARTEN to stand in line and wait your turn. There is no reason to fight like two dogs over a bone. It makes you a self centered, irrational, irresponsible, classless asshole.
|
self.offmychest
|
Losing weight with Depression is so fucking hard. What's worse is watching it creep up and feeling helpless.
|
self.depression
|
Anyone else get even worse around New Year's Eve? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I have knowledge and talent but they are all useless Whenever I have the motivation, I try to put whatever I have into work and create something, only to face disappointment. The world is cruel and I don't deserve to live
|
self.depression
|
I break my own heart sometimes i feel like i break my own heart because i expect, or maybe just hope that people are like me. I care so much, and while i don't fall in love easily sometimes i hope and i wish and i pray harder than I've ever hoped and wish and prayed that someone would fall in love with me and i could let my guard down and finally be myself, but that never happens, and i end up heart broken, not because of what anyone else does or says or doesn't do but because of me.
|
self.offmychest
|
scared and depressed first of all sorry for my bad english
i really think there is something wrong with me, i am so scared and depressed.
i am scared of death, you basically lose everything, friends, family, and you dont even know if there is afterlife or not, i feel so useless
im just going to live my life, do nothing interesting, and then just die and no one will remember me, i know that doesnt make any sense and im just being selfish but dont you get scared of losing everything?
|
self.depression
|
Is 21 too late to 'get' something? The sort of thing so basic yet profound that it has permeated your whole history with total shame and self-loathing? Can you treat another person so badly that you lose your right to exist? Is progress for the human race possible? Is shame something that you should allow to end your life? Why do I feel the need to ask a whole community of people for a second chance?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
How does everyone cope with the holidays? Do they cause you stress? Affect your mood? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Insight into myself, and my mood patterns I'm starting to realize that while I am certainly ultradian cycling, my episodes also tend to last longer than just a few days... The past few weeks of mood charting have shown that they do last a week, two weeks, and this most recent mood episode I've been going through has already been going on four days.
It was kicked into gear due to travel, driving 3.5 hours to a major event, making out with a lot of hot men (giggity), driving back to the hotel, way too energized way too up...and I tried my best to mitigate it. I took my lithium, I got to bed at a good hour, I avoided ANY alcohol the entire time I was down there. No illicit drugs, anything like that.
And I definitely think it helped mitigate the impact of this particular episode.
But the next night I was buzzing, my body was electric, I was amazingly irritated, and I was way more energized than I should have been at 10 at night. Lithium. Bedtime.
In the morning after my roommates left, I was hit by a manic burst of sexual energy, immediately started looking for a hookup--like, aggressively, and it got through my head that my boyfriend wouldn't approve of me having sex with a random guy. (We're in an open relationship.) So I jerked off. Aaaaaaaand instant depression that lasted the next several hours. It cleared up that evening.
Yesterday, I had a significant amount of brain fog and almost blackout, I would say, driving back from the city, which resolved once I got some powerade. (**KEEP. YOUR. ELECTROLYTE. LEVELS. UP. IF YOU'RE ON LITHIUM.** YOU DON'T REABSORB SODIUM AS WELL, SIDE EFFECT OF THE DRUG.) But it hit me as I got into town that hey, I'm gonna drop $500 on that electric piano I've been wanting to get for the past few weeks! (Didn't buy it immediately, kudos to me.) Set it up at home, super energetic, played some...aaaaaaand fatigue/malaise. I didn't peg it as depression last night, just normal travel fatigue, so I got to bed at a good hour. Woke up today feeling refreshed.
And feeling hypersexual again. Feeling like my thoughts are crowded, anxiety is definitely here, more susceptible to it, trying to get caught up on work. Not too much to do, thankfully.
This is definitely something to discuss with my pdoc in a few weeks, this...epiphany about my mood episodes. My depressions are still, and always have been short, but my elevated states seem to stick around a lot longer.
Anyway. This sucks. Realizing this sucks. But knowing how I tick, as it were, is good. So. Moving forward. Gonna try to keep doing things right, mitigating the effects of what I'm going through. Definitely think the lamictal (200mg) has helped, but I'm still subtherapeutic (300mg/daily, 0.1 serum) on my lithium. Eager to get that bumped up.
How are you doing?
|
self.bipolar
|
i am reaching into the void please pm me lmao i'm so goshdarn lonely and depressed it would be greatly appreciated hahahahaha thx
|
self.depression
|
Suicide = Haram. Drugs = Haram Locked in this stupid world.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Sometimes, I feel like my depression is my only true friend. A toxic friend, but a friend nonetheless. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Trigger warning self harm! Cut myself again today, nothing serious. Not trying to kill myself, just want to control at least one thing I feel. It's so hard dealing with day to day life, knowing that I'm too ill to work but can't afford not to. The stress and pressure is unbearable. I need to rest, I need to recover, I need to recharge but feel guilty for staying in bed when my wife has to take care of our son.
All of these things make me feel worse, and weight to my already heavy load.
|
self.bipolar
|
Too depressed to do anything... I've always been depressed ever since i could remember, But this is the worse i have ever felt.
I use to be a heavy gamer, addicted to gaming, i use to love drawing, and writing and reading aswell. But i can barely touch a videogame now, i went from playing videogames all day to practically only a few minutes a day.
I have lost interest in everything i loved, im also very isolated and alone, i dont have friends however i do have a girlfriend although its a long distance one, and we use to call from when she got home at 3 to late in the night, but she got caught one night by her dad talking to me and now her phone is monitired somewhat and we can barely talk or message now, so my only light of hope seems to be going...
Idk i just feel like everything is crushing me and trying to drag me down into the darkness... Ive been so suicidal lately..but im to scared to try anything
|
self.depression
|
*sigh* Hello once again.
Things aren't better.
I feel like they should be.
|
self.depression
|
...well fuck i'm 17 and i just got out of my second stint in inpatient therapy. that makes two months of my life wasted in hospital. but heres the real kicker: i feel the exact same as i did before i was admitted! so not only have i drained my parents financially and emotionally, i have also failed to recover. the one job i had. its hard not to feel like youre irreversibly fucked up when nothing helps. coping skills, talk therapy, groups. yet here i am, years later feeling the same as i did when my depression first started up. 9 years ago! i try to see the good. all the music i havent listened to, the books i havent read, the people i havent met. but it all quite honestly feels pointless. i feel like ive seen all i came to see and im ready to move on to the great beyond. its not a scary feeling anymore, its comfortable. being sucidal is comfortable for me. no clue what to do.
|
self.depression
|
I can't believe school is tomorrow, deadly anxiety overdrive. 💣 I can't word this. I'll try.
School tomorrow, I wish I could die. Anxiety. It hurts, it is like a punch. I spend 90 percent of my day thinking of my peers opinions. I can't live like this, should they find me dead? I like guns, self harm sucks because it is not fatal.
I can't do this. They may laugh at me, talk shit about me. Death. Since that class presentation where a lot of the kids were laughing hysterically, overpowering my voice, I have nvr been the same. I have been depressed, but it just gave me even more severe anxiety that does not leave, any day of the week.
And my mother does not reach out and try to understand us when we say "Mom, I'm Sad", "I don't want to go to school tomorrow", "They are going to say annoying stuff", "Do we have to go to school today". I'm giving her signs for help, but she just does not get it.
I'm in pain. And I know that my only support system, this sub reddit, will not read this and care. Because it's not like I lost a family member or lost a job. If we all are in insufferable mental pain, why am I supposed to be the exception???
Why am I so special enough to post here and expect to get a response?
I'm alone, it's the worst. Kids rudely ask me if I'm gay(bisexual btw), mother gets angry and so self absorbed into her bills, teacher picks on me. Am I now feeling peace, is this how soothing the trail to death feels like?🙇♀️
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Reading posts here made me realize how cruel people are I always go to suicidewatch and depression community, i already read countless stories, all of them made me sad, pinched my heart and some made me cry. Why people have to be cruel to those people? I wish everyone just want nice things and peace.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I hate my life but I'm not allowed to complain. I have a good family, I recently scored an internship for an IT position at a big company, and I am in a good spot financially. Sounds great right? Well no. Honestly I hate my life. It mainly comes from having an extremely low self image and insecurity. I'm out of shape, and I have every resource to fix it but I just don't. I'm so lazy I can't bring myself to make a meal plan or consistently work out. I've been single for almost 2 years, yet I don't go out and try to meet new people. I have no hobbies besides video games and Netflix but I bought a piano 3 months ago and have barely touched it. I have severe depression but don't want to go back to therapy and I almost killed myself on antidepressants so I'm scared to go back to them.
Basically I'm stuck in a rut. I have solutions to my problems right in front of me. But for some fucking reason I choose not to take any of them and stay miserable instead. I have a great opportunity in life that so many people would be jealous of and I'm just throwing it away. I give up.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else have a weird thing you HAVE to do or else your day is ruined? E.g. For me, I HAVE to wake up early or I feel like a slob and it affects me all day. It's kind of extreme. If I wake up with the sunrise, it's probably going to be a great day. I'm going to go work out. I'm going to eat healthy and cook most/all of my meals instead of relying on protein bars and take out. I'm going to clean my room and tidy up. I'm going to actually organize my schedule and work on things I want to do. etc. But if I wake up late, *especially* after noon? It's gonna be a shitty, lazy, slobby day. Unfortunately, my boyfriend tends to stay up super late and wake up VERY late, so I often wake up a lot later than I want. It sucks. :/
Probably stems from me just generally feeling useless and sloppy, because there's nothing inherently wrong with waking up late. Of course, I can still wake up early and feel shitty. But it's much rarer than on the days I wake up late.
Does anyone else have something like this?
|
self.depression
|
Has a long flight (12+ hours) ever triggered an episode for you? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
About to wean off all medications to get pregnant. My husband and I are about to start trying for our first kid. But in order to do so I have to be off all of all my current medications. I take Lamotragine, Ambien and Abilify. Does anyone have experience coming off of Lamotragine or Abilify?
I've begun to wean myself off of the ambien and know that sleep will be one of the biggest struggles for me.
|
self.bipolar
|
Please help me. I have so many things wrong with me. Anorexia, dyslexia, major depression and more. Every single day I cut because I need relief. It’s not school related it’s my family. They treat me like such shit and it’s awful. My mother just cares about me staying thin and healthy and making sure I eat nothing unhealthy. I’m in the hospital right now because I cut into a nerve in my arm and I might never be able to use my arm again. I’m just balling my eyes out and realising what I’ve done to myself. I think of suicide so much but I’m always too afraid that I won’t be successful and I’ll end up in a hospital forever.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
After breaking up, I can't watch TV without getting jealous and lonely. I've been having some thoughts lately and don't know where to vent them. I'm a little drunk. I thought I might post here to at least write the thoughts out. I broke up with my GF of 2 years a few months ago, and it was less than amicable. Now I find myself getting jealous whenever watching tv, and a romantic scene comes on. Everything reminds me of her still, and how alone I am now.
I'm sitting here watching the punisher, and getting jealous of any sex scene that comes up. This is so not ok. Its not even just tv, I see people holding hands, I get jealous. I want so bad to not be alone. I can't even put myself out there because all I can think of is her.
I feel sick.
|
self.offmychest
|
Mood episode now My meeting with my director went good. I was glad I went in person. I think all of the adrenaline caused me to now have the start of a mood episode. I was up all night.
I don’t know if I told you guys but I joined weight watchers. I having a very hard time with food today. I really don’t want to celebrate Fat Tuesday or Valentine’s Day because I associate them with sweets. I can’t even be around any chocolate right now or I will be very upset about not eating it. I can’t just have some in moderation so I have to have none of it. I told my husband to just get me flowers but I’m worried he already bought chocolates.
I used the light box today for the first time. I’m not sure if it did anything. All this morning my mind was in a fog and I couldn’t even comprehend one of the emails I got.
Just having a bad day.
|
self.bipolar
|
I miss her, but I'm afraid I'll push her away if I talk to her... I dearly miss my best friend. She was such a huge part of my life, then out of nowhere, we had to live as though we hadn't just known each other for 1.5 years, and were together for 9 months within that period.
For a long time, it felt like I was missing a part of myself.
It felt like everywhere I went and everything I did, she was a part of it. If she wasn't directly related, something would pop into my head, reminding me of her.
I still Love her, and I believe I always will. She was my other half that I've been missing for months now. Things have gotten less stressful (I don't cry about it and feel suffocated by it all the time anymore), but it's still painful to think about from time to time - to no surprise.
I miss our random adventures, and talking until God knows when, and having fun little "blast from the past" parties, and having a hard time deciding where to eat because we're both easy going and ridiculous about that, and playing videogames together, and talking to each other about things that make us vulnerable, yet feeling entirely comfortable about it. I miss holding you, and kissing you. And most of all, I miss squeezing you tight, as if you were leaving for good the next day... One day that happened. One day, I held you in my arms, fearing that it would be the last time we saw each other, even though you reassured me that we were going to try and make things work between us.
I have never felt more lied to and hurt. I was angry and I was depressed, and I didn't know what to do or think. I could only think of how much I Loved you. How much I would do **anything** for you, for us to be able to be happy together.
You weren't the only one struggling with your sexuality and emotional confusion. I **HATE** that my sexual urges have power over me - and I honestly thought that with you I would be able to finally overcome them, and you would have someone that Loved you for who you were - every. Last. Bit.
Turns out we were both too weak. We both gave into something every time we needed to stand strong, but you were in the better place. I gave into my own personal sexual urges - while you sacrificed your feelings and your own physical well-being for me. You, despite knowing that I was 100% willing to give up sex and things related that you weren't comfortable with, still wanted to please me and make me happy - all because I wasn't able to better control my damn urges. I lost the person I care most about in my life because of something I couldn't muster up the strength to control. I felt so powerless and angry - but at this point, I'm not upset with you - I'm upset with myself, for throwing away something that I would have cherished for a lifetime. Some ONE that made me feel like I could reach the heavens with, and nobody could stop us - only to be brought down by my ultimate hate - something that had seemingly untamable power over me.
Above everything else, I miss the person that occupied the position in my life as my best friend. As someone that had incredible passion to succeed at what she set out to do. Someone that, given the chance, had so much Love and care to give to another.
If you read this, understand: This isn't me hoping you give us another chance. This isn't me wishing that we never parted ways in the first place.
This is me wishing we can still be a part of each other's lives in some way. I don't know if it'll be romantically, as friends, as *best* friends again.... I just don't know. What I do know is that I Love you unconditionally and will never stop doing so; that you will always be in my heart and mind, no matter how much time passes.
I've reached the point where thinking of you mostly just brings me joy. It's not 100%, but I'm well enough to react how I should when I think of you - reminiscing about the good times, and the times that nobody could replace.
I've found true Love at some point in my life, and I'm glad I got to experience it with you.
I Love You.
|
self.offmychest
|
I hate myself I am just not coping. I have no self worth and last time I let my walls down and let a guy in, he crushed my heart. So when I met Jake in December last year I was terrified. He knew my experience and wanted to make me happy. Said he wanted to have me in his life. Then said he was uncertain. But would still ask if I could see myself dating him. Then last week he blocked me on all social media. Read my history to see what happened.
I am a wreck now. I ruined this all because of my anxiety and self esteem. This amazing man who I could have had a great relationship with got driven away because of me. I miss him so damn much and wish I could have shown him the real me. But I was closed off. I showed him affection, told him how I felt about him, lots of compliments and never got possive. I encouraged him to spend time with his family when he apologized for not being able to text because he was with them.
But he still called me uptight. Because I did not ask him that many questions. But I tried.
I can never forgive myself for driving him away. He was kind, sweet, funny, smart and romantic. I never met anyone like him before. I paid for all the dates as he lost his job due to anxiety issues. I wanted to be there for him. I just couldn't enjoy the relationship as I felt he wasn't that into me and certain and I was scared.
I am always the one to feel more. I am in therapy and on medication now. But I ruined it.
I am so sorry Jake for scaring you away. I have all these memories now of us, despite being short. I will never speak ill of you.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why I cry at night Why I cry at night
My heart is broken beyond repair
I don't recognize myself in the mirror
Alone I walk with no one who cares
Sitting in a crowd yet invisible
Why I cry at night
When all hope has faded
Internet dreaming of a easy way out
Trying to stay strong
Friends are gone never looking back
Why I cry at night
No purpose or direction
No dreams to be had
Living like there's no tomorrow
How could this be I ask myself
Why I cry at night
Lied to and wasted my life
Thrown away like trash
How could it have ended like that
Utterly alone with my thoughts
Tears flowing free at thoughts I have
So hard for others to understand me
This is Why I cry at night
|
self.depression
|
Phone call I answered the phone at work with the usual greeting, and used my name. The guy on the phone was breathing kinda funny and making a weird noise, I didn't realise at first what was happening. He asked if we would print pictures of him "squirting all over the phone" and that's when I hung up. I feel so stupid and violated. I'm too embarrassed to tell my manager, and the number he called from was blocked anyway. My friend told me if I don't tell my manager about it before I leave work, she's going to tell him herself. I'm so embarrassed, and I wish this whole thing would go away.
|
self.offmychest
|
depriving ones self of self pleasure This isn't going to be a long post just putting it out there. So, I've been having a bad go at it in life despite my current position in life being better than it was a year ago. However, due to manic depression and what I feel is a bad job performance output I've been forgoing masturbation. I feel like I haven't deserved that feeling of orgasm. Has anyone felt that way before?
|
self.depression
|
Life Insurance UPDATE So I found out the reason I can't get it is because of a suicide attempt less than 5 years ago. After 5 years they stop asking if you've tried in "the last 5 years". Then they said they'd consider me. So I guess my husband is screwed until 2019.
|
self.bipolar
|
Sweating Hi friends.
I suffer from anxiety/depression and Irritable Bowel Syndrome and I have problems with my sweating. It's something that drives me crazy. My sweating body parts are my feet and my armpits and the latter is where my problem focus.
When I wear something tight (like a shirt, a sweater) I always have this uncomfortable feeling under my arms that always leads me to sweat like a pig.
It's overwhelming uncomfortable dealing all day with sweat under your arms. I can take a shower and after ten minutes I'm dripping. It's socially awful, I always feel gross and stinky around people. I can't wear anything nice and classy and I have to wash everything I wear once a day because everything is moist and stinky.
This really depresses me.
Romantic dates are a pain and sex is really awkward since you can guess how much I can sweat under the blankets. I always leave the blankets with moist spots and I don't think I would be pleasing for my partner.
Has anyone ever dealt with something similar?
Has anyone ever found a solution?
I found some relief quitting smoking, but I'm not really sure about this. Creams never worked on me and made the situation worsening.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Boring I think I'm destined to live a boring life forever and it's because of this stupid illness that won't let me do anything or be anything. I hate my brain.
|
self.depression
|
26 [m] i am really distressed by my girlfriend's behavior and i know i wont leave her. I feel like my only way out is suicide [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Does anyone else get struck by existential dread? I don't know if "normal" people suffer from this. Probably not. But even in the rare moments that I am happy such as reaching 100% in a game (yes, my life really is that sad) I start thinking why am I here? Is this all there is to life? We wake up everyday and go to the jobs that we despise (unless you're one of the lucky few that enjoy their job) suffer more through life than we find joy, try to find someone that makes it seem worthwhile and then reprouduce so your children have to go through all this bullshit as well against their will.
Is there no higher purpose? Is this all life really amounts to? Hamsters on a wheel chasing a dangling carrot on a stick but it's always that little bit out of your reach. Then even if you are fortunate to settle down and have a family you get all the stress that comes with that... sometimes I look at carefree people in society and wish I could be like them. Living in the moment. I worry about eveything. The present and future scare the hell out of me. I feel like I've been ejected from a sleeper machine in the Matrix and "normal" people are still asleep. Or maybe there are more that feel like me in society.
This post is loopy I know. I think I started losing it ages ago. When you have been alone for such a long time nothing makes sense and you then start asking a lot of questions.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else get anxiety because your brain isn’t up to speed? I know this is weird but ever since my manic episode I now experience anxiety. I’ve never had anxiety in my life. Most of my anxiety is because my brain isn’t as quick or witty as it used to be and my memory is pretty shitty all the sudden. I sit here in panic like I have Alzheimer’s because my brain is not as quick as it used to be. I almost feel cognitively impaired or something.
Not sure if this is a result of my manic episode or if it’s a catch 22 where the anxiety is causing my brain to shut down.
|
self.bipolar
|
Scared of Visa Interview Tomorrow, Anxiety. Help!! I am applying for a work visa at the border tomorrow, there is an interview, I am very stressed and anxious right now. Can anyone suggest ways I can mentally control the stress!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I just need to know your truly answer How can you live with yourself knowing that right now some girl is molested, one boy dies of cancer, another one is very hungry, another one has one parent who is dying and so on. Isn't this very selfish of you? And if you ignore it, why? Why do you think your happiness is more important than your neighbour's? Why? Or why do you ignore this? I hate all people for this and especially me. I cannot live with this. We care for another but what is the limit? If we need to sacrifice something really important for us to someone else, will we do it? Truly? I hate myself for not having a solution for this, and this is why I will kill myself.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My mom and dad despise each other This year I'm going to graduate with my associates degree and while I'm excited I'm not looking forward to my dad and stepmom coming to celebrate. I love my stepmom (she's probably the most sane person in my family). However every time my parents are in the same room together everything goes to shit, the same thing happened at my graduation party a couple years ago.
The problem is my mom despises my dad for shit he's done while they were married and my dads the kind of person who doesn't think about things before he says them which pisses everyone off. Hell they can't even have a phone conversation without yelling at each other. I'm just so tired and I don't want to go through that again. Honestly it's gotten to the point where I wish I was never born at all.
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm a pathetic failure I'm 21 in May and my parents where paying for my school with my Dad's GI bill and I didn't even finish a fucking semester before I dropped out. I had a great opportunity and I didn't take advantage of it because I'm so fucking lazy and stupid. How many kids dream of going to college debt free? Some people don't even get the chance to attend college because they can't afford it and I decide to drop out... what kind of piece of shit does that make me? Yeah go back to school and try again, you can get a second chance from your dad right? No that was my second chance because I had dropped out of a tech school for similar reasons, but I don't even know why I was going there in the first place because it wasn't even the right path for me to get a computer science degree.
I guess me being lazy and stupid wasn't the only reason for me dropping out. If I stayed in school I was guaranteed to at least live in Georgia for the next four years and I just didn't see me not dropping out in a year or so from the frustration and depression of having to live here. Listen to me make fucking excuses for dropping out of school. I dropped out of school because I'm stupid.
I hate living here so much, I'm constantly dreaming of moving west away from my family. They constantly bring me down mentally. "Hey, why don't you go on a mission? Oh that's right, you believe in science." "Oh they're turning your bedroom into a game room so now you're in your office. Is it nice being so close to your computer? I bet you'll get a bed table so you can sit in bed and play games." I guess comments like those are just really passive aggressive and they shouldn't get to me, but it just makes me sad when every single one of your family member makes racist comments and talks about how being gay is a horrible thing. Isn't a core concept of religion to be accepting of others? I don't know, I just feel like no one in my family shares the same opinions as me and I feel alone.
Anyways, what am I possibly going to amount to in my life, who is ever going to want to date a pathetic stupid college dropout like me? How am I ever going to move? I guess it's kind of ironic that one of the reasons that influenced me dropping out of college was to avoid being stuck here for four years and I'm probably going to be stuck here longer because of how unrealistic it is that I'll actually be able to move.
|
self.depression
|
when should you admit yourself into an inpatient facility? i recently attempted suicide maybe a month ago and was dismissed for having borderline personality disorder and “attention seeking” but i can’t go through a single day without seriously having to hold myself back from attempting again and i feel like i could keep living and fighting like this but i am running out of energy and i don’t know how long it will last before i eventually succeed and die
my partner told me that if i decide to go inpatient he will break up with me as me being inpatient would essentially be me giving up on trying to better myself but i see inpatient as being an active attempt to better myself before things continue down the road they’re going
i just really don’t know if it’s the right move or not - i’ve been inpatient before but my main concern is just putting my friends and family through potential unnecessary stress
i’m slightly drunk so i don’t know if this is coherent but i’m seriously constantly thinking about suicide and i want it to stop because i know that i don’t really want to be dead
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
No one gets me I constantly feel lonely and like no one gets me.
It sucks. I can't talk to my friends about how I feel because I know they won't understand. I love being with my friends and I hate being alone, but at the same time I *feel* lonely even with my friends. I just always feel disconnected and different from everyone. Does anyone else feel this way?
|
self.depression
|
I Feel Old and Ugly I turn 53 in a few weeks. I feel like I have nothing left to look forward to in life. My kids are getting older and don’t really need me anymore, my body aches all the time and when I look in the mirror I see an aging, tired face. I’m getting old.
I always get a kick out of those posters to this forum who are 18 or 21 and complain that they’ve had enough of life. They haven’t even gotten started yet. They have everything to look forward to. Their journeys are just beginning. But for those of us on the down side of the hill, who’ve seen too many things, who’ve tasted bitter disappointments, whose hearts have been broken so many times they can’t be repaired anymore, living every day can just be sad.
|
self.depression
|
Last night I wrote a suicide letter Last night I wrote a suicide note to my family. When I’ve gone through suicidal ideation periods before, I have never been able to write a suicide letter because guilt from the thought of what it would do to my family absolutely crushed me. But last night was different. I wrote an entire goodbye letter to my parents and siblings and it was actually the most calming thing I’ve done in a long time. I finally didn’t feel trapped. Today I was thinking about how I will divide my possessions and writing down plans for after I die such as cremation and things like that. I started contemplating where I would do it, so that I don’t scar people from entering my house or something like that. I also thought of making it look like an accident and what would be easiest for my family and friends.
I’m posting here because this is the farthest I’ve ever gotten to planning my suicide and now that I have, I really can’t picture not going through with it. In my heart feels like the best thing to do, but my head is telling me that I would be incredibly selfish and cowardly. I need advice on how to breathe again. I need to not feel trapped and I don’t know how to do that. I’m reaching out as a last resort because I’m 19, and I know I shouldn’t be doing this but at the same time I don’t know what else to do.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
All I want For Christmas Is To Die What a selfish statement that is I know. But, there is not much more I can take. I have already ruined my career and almost killed myself drinking but for whatever reason the good lord above sought fit to keep me here on this earth. He actually had me arrested in 2013 for a DUI 3rd, I was on my way to get alcohol. I was not in the car. I was coming out of the store w/ keys in hand and my debit card was not in my wallet. My daughter who was 6 was with me. I had just gotten out of a psych ward after two weeks for an overdose of NyQuil and had two broken ankles. I cut the splints off and said Fu$) it. But I was kind of out of it and had been feeling off for awhile. My blood pressure was running low and I was supposed to get a check up after I got out. I just couldn’t get it together. So I said I’ll just drink myself to death. I had gastric bypass before and you should not drink but that didn’t stop me. I would drink 1/2 gallon to a gallon a day. So the officer asked me what was I on because the breathalyzer was 0. I said I don’t do drugs because he thought opiates. I had taken an Ambien and Neurton before without sleep but that’s it. He let me call my husband and gave My daughter to him. Off to the hospital, then to jail I went. After 15 days inside I passed out during count. I had been having dizzy spells but oh well. This time my Tibia came out of the leg so they were forced to take me to hospital. I went to 1st hospital and they took blood. They came back and said I immediately had to be taken to the trauma center because my hemoglobin was 4. They would have the blood waiting. Off we went and they gave me 9 1/2 pints blood. I went in for surgery and they put a Rod in my leg to fix Tibia. Then my potassium tanked and blood pressure went real low.
Long story short I drank a hole thru my stomach and I was becoming septic. If he had not arrested me I would have died. He saved my life. The DUI was taken down to a second, second because it was a combination of my hemoglobin, neurton, and ambien that impaired my ability to drive. But, I was charged with Driving on Revoked after DUI and child endangerment. That was the DA direct indictment. I got 22 months in prison. I got out in 2016.
My children were happy when I came home but I came home to a disaster I caused.
I was approved for disability because I messed up my body and mind. This is my second Christmas out and we are homeless, living in a hotel. I am trying so hard not to give up but it is so easy to. However, I have two kids that love me so much. I don’t deserve it. My family points fingers and judges. I always get if I were you. Or this is what I would do. I used to be the same way. No more because I ha no idea what I would do. We all worked our way up. I have been on my own since 18. I paid for college myself. I climbed the ladder fast and at one point made a healthy 6 figures. My family is similar but starting over with two children is different.
Now we are staying in a hotel and I managed to mess this up for the week. I have to find a way to come up with 235 on Christmas Day or be out of here. My husband just got a job. We just got paperwork for a grant to help with an apartment, yet I managed to mess this up.
Now some might say why not a shelter. Good question? In the County we live they don’t have a family shelter. No Resources for married people. We moved here after I had to short sale my house. My husband was laid off from his job.
My family and the constant judgement. Yes my children love them and they love them back. But, it is hard. I get the well don’t ask us for —- because we know how you are. I’m not sure how to take that. I have never asked one member of my family for a dollar. I have never financially cost any of them anything. When I was locked up for 22 months not one of them came to visit. They were too busy.... However when I came home I found out my sisters would get together and pick up my kids too and go to the campground. That campground happens to be 30 minutes from the prison. I guess 30 minutes was too much time.
Jeez I just wish sometimes, this pain and shame I feel everyday would end. I have to be careful crying because my daughter always asks what is wrong. I don’t have the heart to tell them about the room. I guess I deserve this for being horrible and ruining my life. I suppose my family is right, I am the mess up. I can’t get anything right.
I stay up at night sometimes just so I have the time to cry. I suppose all of this is Karma for the arrogance I walked around with for so long. Now I don’t even want to go out in public because I feel everyone is going to know.
Maybe they should know. Maybe that should be my sin to bear. Because no one did this to me or my family but me. I know the difference between right and wrong. I choose to drink to cash out. Now I have to deal with the damages and collertal damages.
Christmas Day should be fun and joyful. Mine will be filled with ???????
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Tired of being the good guy I'm always the one who is there for people when they need help. I would bend over backwards to help people close to me and even some that I'm not close too. But when I need help nobody is around, nobody will come to help me. Nobody really cares about me and I'm tired of going through life alone. Even my girlfriend who always said she will be there for me is pushing away and I'm worried she will leave me soon. I'm just tired of trying to be happy.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Feeling a bit better lately yeet My depression is finally getting a little better after all these years so hey that's good I guess but then again I get "better" a lot and can't tell if it's gonna last but still
|
self.depression
|
And the clouds roll in again I had a great three weeks. No depression, fully aware and involved and motivated. I knew it would only last for so long. But I tried to push that thought aside and enjoy the mania while it lasted.
Well, the clouds rolled in on Sunday and I slept most of the day. I tried to say “fuck this, I’m not letting get ahold of me” and do some chores. But it wasn’t long before I was back in the bed.
Last night a had one of those invasive memories of when I was out of control, on the streets and addicted to hard drugs. And the tapes of my horrendous acts just kept playing over and over again in my head. I got in the shower to try to calm down but ended up banging my head against the shower tile in an attempt to make the memories stop.
I’m at work today and trying to make sure my hair covers the bruise.
I’ve asked off work for Friday to try and get myself together. But I’m not sure if it’ll happen.
When the clouds rolled back in, they brought a storm.
|
self.depression
|
Prolly gonna kill myself soon Basically the title. I'm a 22 y/o dude in college and I honestly just feel like giving up on my life and killing myself.
I haven't been in an actual relationship since I was 16. I ended up being a shut-in for my junior and senior years in high school, which cost me most of my friends and the last "free" years of my life.
It's like I've got something living inside of me that wants me to be miserable. It hurts because I want to date, but I'm too introverted to even meet someone (doesn't help I live in a small town in the Midwest and don't really share any hobbies with most of the people around me). I also know that if I did enter a relationship I'd be unhappy because whenever I'm alone I want to be around people, but whenever I'm around people I want to be alone.
I still live at home, and I feel like shit about it. I can't drive because nobody ever taught me. I have a dog, and she means the world to me but she's getting older and I know I'm gonna have to say goodbye to her eventually.
I've got some pretty close friends, but I don't see them very much because I know that I'll just be miserable being around people. I always try to be a good friend and listen to their problems when they need to talk to someone, but nobody ever really asks me how I'm doing.
I've taken medicine. It'll help for a while, then I go back to where I was before. I've been to therapy, it doesn't really help me. I just want it to be over.
Nobody's gonna read all this shit, and I don't really blame them. It doesn't really matter anyway. If I kill myself, a few people will be sad, then shit will go back to normal. They'll die, the sun will explode, and the universe will freeze. But the sooner I can be done with feeling like this the better. I'm probably gonna wait for my dog to die, because she's the only thing that brings me any joy, but once she's gone I'm gonna kill myself.
|
self.offmychest
|
Done some fucked extremely fucked shit in the past. Done trying. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Am I stupid for wanting help?? I feel like my depression is me overreacting... even though i know its not. I feel stupid seeking treatment. I have somehow held my job, but I have no quality to life. I am doing horrible in school (im 18), but somehow I have held my job which makes me feel like my depression isnt bad enough to get treatment. I just want to be happy again, but I dont even know what to do. I am very socially isolated, have only 2 friends, havent had a gf in 5 years, and Im just overall miserable.
Should I even seek treatment. How would I even do that? I tried a long time ago and the therapists offices acted like it was weird that i didnt have a referal..
|
self.depression
|
Mom found out, then told my dad Currently in grad school and my mom came to be with me for a surgery. Pre-op nurse mentioned lamictal, which I no longer take, while mom was in the room and I just play it off. After the nurse leaves, my mom asks me why I take that, and I tell her I was diagnosed with BPD and that I'm on lithium and it's been helping. Her reaction is immediate denial. I can't have a mental illness. "That is a toxic diagnosis. You'll never be able to get a job. You'll never be able to get insurance. You will be looked at as unstable." Keep in mind, this is all right before I have major surgery.
Surgery goes okay, then I'm driving her to the airport and she says the same thing to me and I can't even bring myself to yell at her (partially because of the surgery, partially because why would I?) I've kept that aspect of my life from my parents because I've done things I'm not proud of and hurt a lot of people and myself in the process, and I didn't see any value in worrying them over something that was under control and that they couldn't help with. But now that she knows, she's taken it upon herself to periodically send me texts reminding me how dangerous it is to be labeled, and she told my dad and betrayed my privacy.
Have any of you been outed to family or friends against your best wishes? How'd you deal with the stigma? I'm headed home for Thanksgiving soon and trying to prepare for some tense conversations.
|
self.bipolar
|
The difference a year makes This time last year, I was overweight, hated my job, hated myself, depressed and lonely
Now, I’m still overweight, but have a job I love, feel better about myself and have a boyfriend that I can’t believe is with me.
Looking back at the past year, I am so happy I’m no longer in that place anymore
|
self.offmychest
|
Selt perpetuated anxiety loop rant I moved back home last year after having been in a long term relationship of 4 and a half years, all through college. She cheated on me, we had a dysfunctional dynamic, she was manic depressive - night after night I spent trying to comfort her in attempts to help her recover her from her severe, verging on suicidal episodes. I eventually developed an anxiety disorder because of this, depersonalization disorder, due to the recurring state of hypnosis. I was eventually unable to distinguish whether I was dreaming, or whether I was in reality. I developed this during our senior year of college - I felt like a zombie, unconsciously walking to class, back and forth, eventually returning to bed every night, not knowing if I had been dreaming or not. I tried to end things but I was afraid she would hurt herself, and so I was put in a position where I felt we had to make things work, or something horrible would happen to her, it was toxic and damaging, and she wouldn't listen to her family either.
After we broke up, I moved back home with my parents and brother, and I began working full time - never allowing myself the opportunity to self reflect or reevaluate myself psychologically. Once the summer ended, I stopped working because it was a seasonal job, and so during this period I began to self reflect, and consider the elements of the relationship I could take a way positively and learn from, but continuously felt overwhelmed with resentment and depression. The spite faded eventually, as the wound was still fresh - and had a delayed effect because I had been working. Concurrently, certain family revelations came to a head. In short, my father had been cheating on my mother, and there were many many other issues etc. My brother and I were raised very well because of our mom, we adored our childhood and remember it fondly, but we were conditioned to feel as if nothing was wrong because behind the scenes things weren't good. These events have put an incredible strain on my relationship with my father, and even my mother. She's very self righteous, and claims to feel okay, that she's "solid", but she doesn't want to accept any help from a therapist or anybody. I had been trying to insert myself as a mediator for a while, but this was eventually unwanted by the two of them, and I didn't know how to help or what to do with myself. There are a lot of details to this that I can't possibly to begin to articulate well enough here. More details involve my aunt, my mother's sister, and a new dysfunction in their relationship tying back to my father. My entire family is in a state of disarray.
All the while, I'm an illustrator, and it's what I went to school for. I'm an aspiring concept artist and storyboard artist, and I'm feeling the pressure of trying to hone my skills and develop a considerate portfolio that I could potentially apply to studios for work - as it's all I really want in life, simply to work hard in this field and find some small measure of gratification in doing what I love. I'm constantly plagued with insecurity about my body of work, I never feel like what I'm making is good enough for myself, or is worth anyones time. I've felt this my entire life, and yet I continue to make things because the creative process is the one thing I truly take solace in.
On top of this I deal with social anxiety and body dysmorphia. I'm extremely physically insecure, and had a brief spur of confidence in college, when I was in a relationship, and had friends, or at least I was more comfortable with my body. But now my self esteem has been leveled once again since being on the other side of the relationship. Sometimes it will keep me from going out because of the exaggeration of perceived flaws.
Last week, my brother and I were supposed to go to Japan for 9 days. This was the one thing I wanted. All I wanted was to find something about myself on new soil. Breath new air, and feel some small measure of self contentment. Unfortunately, my flights were cancelled due to a category 4 hurricane - and due to scheduling, we had to can the entire thing. We hope to reschedule very soon, but even still, I just feel so utterly defeated. I feel like life has just been kicking me for the last year and a half and it's just been so unrelenting. Sorry for ranting - I feel like I don't have anyone in my life to talk to aside from my brother.
tl;dr:
Was in a 4+ year relationship, I developed DP disorder because of it, she cheated on me, moved back home, parents are getting divorced, no one in my family is speaking to each other and I'm suspended in the middle. All the while I'm trying to work on assembling a portfolio but I have zero artistic confidence. Simultaneously I've developed separate anxiety issues (body dysmorphia, social anxiety). And then my trip to Japan had to be cancelled.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Apparently I've done nothing right in my life I've worked hard, tried to help others, given of myself wholeheartedly, struggled with my demons, struggled against injustice, tried to reach outside my comfort zone, sought help, been medicated...all of it. Yet here I am alone and unloved, not even family by my side, and constantly on the verge of tears I have to hide from the world. People say have hope and love will find you, but it hasn't, nothing has. I am nothing. At his point I don't feel I have the energy to do anymore...to try to meet people, to live healthy, to work hard. I've done all that and it has got me nothing; I feel like I'm cursed and I have no energy to do anymore. What's the point? If I die today it's like nothing I ever did mattered, nothing was ever right. *I* have never been right. Maybe I'm not meant for this world. I'm so tired i'm done.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Just got on my old meds after being off of them for three years. Go me. Title says it all. Long story short, I was on meds, they ran out, I didn't have the money to get back on them and ended up just blowing it off and making excuses, telling myself I "didn't really need them," etc. Well, I ended up really depressed, anxious, and suicidal, and realized I needed to get back on them. So yesterday I finally coughed up the $200 (ouch) needed to see a psychiatrist, and I just took my first dose of meds today. Also seeing a therapist for my issues, and hoping it all goes well.
I just wanted to share my step forward with people who would understand. :)
|
self.depression
|
How to deal with medication making me constantly lethargic? I've had to start taking seroquel after a long time off of it. I forgot how tired it made me all the time. I'm on a low dose, so I can't get it cut it down any more.
It makes me so tired and lethargic. I find it hard to get out of bed and usually oversleep. I don't want to do anything all day. I just want to stay in bed. I can't seem to get myself to pep up. Caffeine doesn't really do anything. I don't know how to get re-energized.
|
self.bipolar
|
This #metoo stuff is making me want to apologize to somebody I was a creep towards. I didn't behave like I should have towards that person.
I didn't do those horrifically illegal things..rape or molest or do what Louis CK did...but I still am not feeling right with myself. Truthfully, the person who I was a creep towards might not even care. In fact, last time we talked it was on good terms I think. But I feel like I should apologize.
What I did could haunt me if it came to light, sure, but that's not why I'm apologizing. I just don't want to be the guy somebody thinks about when they write '#metoo'. Because today I'm not that guy. I used to be a creep. But I changed; I got my degree, I'm working a respectable job, and I have friends, and I am utterly disgusted when people act anything less than respectful towards women. I wish I could slap past me silly, punch him, and tell him to quit being a fool. I've seen vulnerable people, and I've interceded on behalf of vulnerable people to get them help. I'm mad that I let myself be somebody who objectified women. I could offer up reasons for my behavior, but ultimately, those do not count as excuses.
I don't know if the person will get my message on facebook messenger, or even if apologizing is a good idea. But I feel it's something I should do.
|
self.offmychest
|
i just learned that local murder victim was my friend i just cant believe that this would happen. someone found her lifeless body beat up in streets. i feel so weak and full of hate i wish i could go back in time and give my life to let her live
|
self.depression
|
My birthday’s coming up and i feel so alone 19th birthdays are kind of a big thing in Ontario because its the legal drinking age, so pretty much everyone goes out and has fun with their friends.
I never really had actual friends in high school, and being the awkward anxious fuck that i am, I haven’t been able to make new friends. So I don’t really have anyone to spend my birthday with.
The two people from work that I enjoy being around are going away for a “colleagues weekend out” thing (and just assumed that i’d be free to catsit for them), my family will forget that its my birthday again like every year, and i’ll just spend the day working and drinking alone in my room and letting the depressive episode take place one again.
Not that i’m much of a birthday celebration person, but I don’t know. I always try to look forward to it positively, just to be crushed by reality every year. I just hate that it’s always so lonely.
But yeah pity-party’s over now.
|
self.offmychest
|
I think I have an eating disorder. Every time i look at myself i can’t stand it. i see things that weren’t there before. i want to so badly starve it out. To rip that part of me that hates me out. Lately i’ve been feeling like I hate food. I hate eating. It sounds sick but being hungry is a game to me and I don’t know how to feel about it. I drive myself mad when I do eat even though it’s very little. My restrictive diet has both given me structure in my life yet contributed to this game. I don’t want to be like this. I thought it was over. I just want to be enough for myself.
|
self.offmychest
|
Depressed and need to vent I just need some where to vent. I hate life so much. I can never seem to do anything right, every time i make a little progress to being happy something happens and it is back to square one. It seems every few days all i want is for everything to go away and for me to no longer exist. Currently going on about 17 years of this and sure there are some nice patches here and there but it certainly doesn't feel that the few nice patches are worth the pain. It is pretty much a part of who I am. it was a down side of being depressed early on and growing up being depressed i just do not see any other way to be.
I don't see any way to be happy every avenue i can think of is just more pain and sadness. I feel like I am better off then most but and that I should be happy but fuck i am just not. I should have a stable life if i could just get it in order but no matter what I do. I just cant seem to make things work.
It has been so long that this has been going on and with various events occurring in my life and in my family have just made it worse. I am just having a hard time holding things together. It feel like all it would take is one bad day to push me over the edge to where I will break down completely. I am not at risk to hurt my self or others. Some days I wish i could end it all by every path of logical thinking I can muster it seems like the right course of action. But I cant do it i don't have the strength, and if there is an after life ( which i don't believe there is) but if i make it to an after life most punish you by reliving why you died and I couldn't take going though this life again. I wish there was a system in place where it was acceptable for me to take my own life or to have me put down
So I am trying to soldier on though it all but when it all just feels so shitty every day. day after day its hard to get up in the morning. I will get through it some how i just don't know how yet.
Well vent over for now.
|
self.depression
|
Crushing on my coworker but I'm starting to feel like it's a lost cause. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Everything in the world seems bland and i don't feel happy anymore A few years ago i was diagnosed with severe depression. I've tried to commit suicide on two separate occasions, although thats now in the past. I don't want to die anymore but, i just don't feel happy anymore. I stopped my meds and i cant go to therapy rn because im in university. I stopped my meds because they werent doing anything.
I have friends who care, i think. They say theyre supportive but i just can't get myself to believe them. I feel so alone and tired. Tired of having to wake up and talk to people. Tired of the loneliness. Tired of feeling like no one cares. I try to make my life better, by being "positive". But there's only so much i can fake. I don't get any joy from my hobbies anymore either. I really am at my wits end. How can i get rid of this feeling?
|
self.depression
|
Do you hurt yourself? Like recently I've been refusing to eat because I feel like I deserve the pain just lying in my bed hungry
|
self.depression
|
Looking for help, I dunno what’s wrong with me! [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don't know where else to go or how to explain my feelings [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I’ve made peace with dying (my apologies if this is scattered, its been on my mind for awhile)well, i guess for some background information im 14 and i started my first year of highschool not too long ago. needless to say, im ready to give up. ive pushed away everyone who cared. my grades are falling, and i no longer have it in me. for a very long time ive always had thoughts of suicide, but ive always been able to ignore them, but that isn’t the case anymore. everytime i wake up, i hear a loud voice that constantly tells me to kill myself, everyone hates me, and i would be better off dead. and i guess when i really put things into perspective, that voice is right. i don’t do much of anything now. my days are spent under blankets in complete isolation(unless my mom or my cat walks into my room) i dont feel anything. i dont draw like i used to. my sketchbooks and old paintings laugh at me. its almost ironic, art used to be a major escape for me during middle school, and now I can’t do it anymore. im pretty much useless at this point. but dying would be so much better for me. if i died, I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. i could finally be happy. nothing is really stopping me from finally killing myself, I already have a set date, time, and method. im ready to die.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Everything feels like a pointless loop. Not sure how to start this, so here goes nothing. Everything feels like I'm running in a circle. I should be a happy person, I have a good job, nice car, place to live, but everything just seems so pointless. Things that I used to love to do, I now find pointless. Had a date set up, but she decided to flake. Nothing new there. I just don't see the point anymore.
Thanks for listening, really just needed to vent.
|
self.depression
|
This is the lowest point in my life I know that this, will probably get downvoted. My last post did. Maybe I’m not depressed enough for some people on this sub.
3 weeks ago, I was brought to the local mental hospital. Assessed, and sent home, with a note to take a week off work. Mental health is not a taken care of very well here.
I went back to work. And the downward spiral, spun completely out of control, again.
Friday, while shopping with my husband, I completely broke down again. I went straight to my doctor, who had upped my meds the day before. She gave me another note, I’m going to off work for at least 2 weeks. She wants my meds to get into my system, before I go back.
It’s such a huge trigger/stressor for me. So she’s removing it from me, for the time being.
I’ve never been this low, not since I was a teenager. The urge to self harm is huge, the urge to cut my hair/shave my head.
Yesterday was Christmas, and after my kids opened their gifts. I sat in the bathroom and cried for 20 minutes. I slept for 4 hours after breakfast, and I was in bed by 9pm.
All I do is sleep. The effort that goes into smiling, or being friendly. It’s exhausting.
I’m just so tired.
I deleted my social media, Reddit is all I have now. I’m hoping that it helps.
I’m going to try and focus on something different.
Start taking care of myself.
It’s just so hard, when you literally don’t care about anything.
Thank god for my husband, he’s picked up all the slack. Which in turn just makes me feel even more guilty. That I can’t even keep the house clean, cause I’m simply too tired.
I don’t even know where I’m going with this, I’m just mindlessly typing at this point.
|
self.depression
|
Teetering on the edge... Again. Hey. I'm a 26 year old male. I've been riding the rollercoaster of anxiety/depression since adolescence. When I was 21, I was at my lowest low. Failing out of college, isolating myself from all of my friends, tanking a relationship with a girl I thought I was going to marry. I had picked out the building I was going to jump from. My parents intervened, took me out of school. Somehow I prevailed. I learned to love a me that I never knew existed. Discovered methods to cope.
And now, 5 years later, I'm suddenly obsessing about killing myself. I go for a run and I find myself evaluating every tree branch, high rooftop. I keep thinking about pulling my car in the garage and connecting the hose and drifting off. I've been shotgun shopping online. I'm not just isolating myself from my friends, but I'm irreparably destroying relationships. I feel like I'm right back where I started and I don't know how I got back here. I've tried SO hard to never be like this again. I've failed. But the catch is, this time, I don't want to die. But the compulsion to do it grows stronger everyday. Can someone (older than I) talk to me?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Looking for opinions on my guide for bipolar spouses/family/partners https://psyche.media/the-questions-most-frequently-asked-by-bipolar-sos
So, this guide has been up for awhile on the r/bipolarSOs subreddit. I decided to write it up - the reason being, back when my second bipolar partner went manic, I found myself caught between the devil and the deep blue sea and struggled to find a lot of helpful information quickly. So I compiled a list of frequently asked questions on r/bipolarSOs and answered them all, along with including a list of other resources to get help.
Feedback from the r/bipolarSOs community has been largely positive and I've asked a few people who actually have bipolar disorder in my life and they say they like it as well.
Apologies for a few typos and formatting errors. Please let me know what y'all think, I'd love to know the perspective from this side of the community.
|
self.bipolar
|
I feel like it just isn't going to get better. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I don't know why I am alive I feel so messed up and no one cares so why
What am doing
I don't matter to anyone
I don't even know why I'm posting on here
Comments never help so don't waste your time I guess
I just hate myself. I'm no good. I'm not what anyone wanted.
I hate everyone. So much. I'm not even a good person anymore.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Does anyone else ever feel like they are in a race they will never win? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
When people ask if you’re okay and you say yeah I’m fine and they believe you. Just fucking get the hint I’m not fine.
|
self.depression
|
lack of time as a trigger somehow a lot of my anxiety is related to a fear of lack of time. i end up spending so much time focusing on how i cant achieve whatever goal i had to where its a self fulfilling prophecy.
when i say fear, its usually a panic attack or a slow burn of hours of agitation, confusion, and nausea. i need to snap out of it and i do not know how
|
self.Anxiety
|
At work, you told me I had to "stay there" until you got back. (I happened to be leaning over a counter with my butt to you)
I really wanted to laugh and ask you if you wanted me to stay exactly where I was.
If there weren't other people around maybe I would have actually had the balls to say it...I am more attracted to you all the time and it's driving me crazy :/
|
self.offmychest
|
I stopped functioning I can't do anything anymore. I feel empty and out of drive/motivation. I can't even do the simplest things like going out to buy my own clothes or helping myself in any kind of form, for example I have been delaying going to meet up with my advisor at college for 2 weeks now just because I can't, it feels too much of a hassle and I already got into this mess at college because I couldn't do anything the semester before, I just feel empty all the time and at times depressed wishing that I would die. I dont enjoy anything anymore even my ''free'' time is unbearable. The only thing I could do is lay on my bed for 6-8hours average everyday staring at nothing/thinking of nothing.
Sorry for rambling... I just needed to say this in hope maybe my mind would be at least that I finally said it.
|
self.depression
|
Trying to lose weight with Generalized Anxiety (GAD), need advice & inspiration. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I hate my pretentious, preachy cousin and hope she’d die. When we were kids she was a bully for no reason. Now she grew out of it but everytime there’s a family gathering she always makes indirect comments about how we use our phones too much and don’t engage in real conversation. Um, no, even if we didn’t have our phones with us, we still wouldn’t want to talk to you because you’re an unpleasant hag. And she doesn’t even MAKE an effort to try to talk to us.
She also spews out bullcrap about how people today are so materialistic (another indirect jab at me and my sisters for wearing makeup and fashionable clothes).
I hate her guts because she has lived a very privileged life and she has the gall to criticize our lifestyle as if she’s morally superior.
I really wish she would die. My other cousin had cancer and I wish it would’ve been her and she would die a slow and painful death.
|
self.offmychest
|
Good morning, sunshine! Hey, just a quick note to say I hope you have a great day!😚
.
For the other half of the world: Sleep tight, dream sweet, and awaken refreshed 😊
|
self.bipolar
|
Can I just talk to someone? I just had the worst day of my life. I really need to talk to anyone right now. I've been crying and just felt more alone than I ever have in my life. It's late and I don't have anyone and I just need some company.
|
self.depression
|
I don't care I don't care about social media at all.
I don't care what you ate for dinner or how great your gf/bf is.
I don't care how tough your life is or how your boss is a hard ass.
It doesn't matter to me how much you cared about someone who has passed away. We get it they are dead get you point across and move the fuck on.
I don't care a out how often this or that reminds you of that person. You remind me of that person every flipping day multiple times.
I know I can just not participate.
And I won't. But could you put out some content that is worth breath? There is so much lost now.
Let's have educated conversations instead of who slept with who or how much you hurt from whoever the fuck.
I'm just asking not expecting anything to change.
|
self.offmychest
|
Lowest point I’ve been at in over a year. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Some tips to save $$ on Latuda I keep seeing a ton of posts about how expensive Latuda is for people and of course many posts about how helpful it has been. I must say for myself it has been helpful with the depression but its certainly not a fix all for me. So with that I wanted to share some tips of what I have encountered along the way with trying to afford and stay on this medication. There are some options or relief available. Not sure I'd call them solutions but instead kind of band-aids. Ultimately it wont get better until generics come out but from what I have read it doesn't look like the patent will run out till like 2026 or thereabouts.
1. When you get the script from the doc make sure to ask about samples if they are not provided first off. I got lucky and I have to say I was on this med for probably a good 3 months just on samples alone. Perhaps my practice is a bit more forgiving on that front. I told them I had problems with getting the cost (which I did) so they gave me more samples to hold me over till payday. There were also times I ran out before the pharmacy could get an order in, and in which case they gave me samples to hold me over till I could get filled.
2. Get the discount card!!! It says pay as little as $15 which for me brought my cost down to $150. Not great but far less than what it was. [Latuda copay Assistant](https://secure.latuda.com/secure/latuda-savings.cfm)
3. Check if you have a preauthorization requirement for this drug. Unfortunately this might require you to call your insurance company directly. Some pharmacies might be able to tell you if its required. For me if my pdoc didnt submit a preauthorization the cost for me was near retail which is about $1300/US.
4. Check if you have a prescription deductible. I did and at the beginning of every year it renews. So I was surprised to find that my drug I was getting for $150 was now ringing up at $400. Sadly the only way past this is to pay it. But once paid, my cost was back down.
5. McKesson the company that provides the discount card will also provide you with two 14day supplies of latuda at no cost. That is right, **FREE**. Just today I got my second free 14day supply of latuda. Call them up at 1-855-5-LATUDA and you can speak to a rep to get this. They will provide you with the info that is used the same as another discount card.
6. Lastly I was told of another option they have available where they will supposedly try to negotiate a lower cost with the insurance company. I'm not sure what kind of success rate there is with this as I have not yet attempted to go this route. This will be my last ditch effort before telling doc its too much and have to find something else. In order to do this you would call the same number above 1-855-5-LATUDA and inquire talk to someone about what options are available and perhaps inquire specifically about negotiating how much the insurance cost/pay. I only found out about this one as my insurance is always rejected with the card so I called the card company to sort it out and was somehow transferred to a rep that informed me this is what her department did, before transferring me to another.
Anwyays, hope this helps some of you. The preauthorization and deductible points should apply to all medications and is something to consider. Its possible that the other solutions might work with other medications as well if they are cost prohibitive.
Edit: Looks like the patent does expire on July 2 2018. So perhaps there is hope for a generic sooner than later.
|
self.bipolar
|
I hate my lack of motivation and my mask. There's so many things I want to do.
Behind the mask I'm just lonely and not motivated to do anything.
I want to be myself again whoever that may be.
|
self.depression
|
Guys, I'm having a good day! I feel temporarily free! Last week I suffered a major depressive episode. For three days I didn't leave my bed. Not to shower, not to eat, only to let my dogs out and take my fiancé to and from work. I had suicidal thoughts and the only thing that snapped me out of them were my pets. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving them behind and having them be rehomed or sheltered, scared and confused. By Thursday I was able to drag myself in to the shower, which felt pretty good after 3 days.
I know this feeling is temporary, that I'll have episodes in the future, but for now I am free. Free from mania, and free from depression. I went to work two days in a row so far, I got up early, did my hair and my skincare routine. It felt so good to take care of myself. My fiancé is much happier because I've been at work, and we haven't had any arguments lately. I feel so accomplished, I'm able to get my work done while I'm here, and I'm very proud of that. I plan on setting small goals for myself during the week, like tidying up throughout the week and then deep cleaning over the weekend, going to the state fair, taking my little brother to a concert, maybe even giving my dogs a bath.
To anyone struggling to cope, I'm here for you. We're all in this together.
|
self.bipolar
|
Have been just existing for the past two and a half years. I've not got the hang of having no one give a shit. I'm a 20 year old Uni student who has no friends and I don't speak to anybody either. It's weird to reflect that I don't think I've said anything out loud, even to myself, for about a month or so. I live in an apartment with thin walls so I can hear everything my neighbours say so I'm very self-conscious about the sound I'm making. There's nowhere to truly relax. It's as though someone is always watching me and I'm always slightly on edge.
I'm a bit introverted so when Uni started I didn't go to any parties because loud music and lots of alcohol just doesn't appeal to me. I assumed I'm make some friends the same way I did at school once the term started.
This didn't happen. At lectures I go in, everybody sits down, the lecture happens and then everybody just leaves. That's it. Where do I meet people in that?
If I had an office job there'd be people around, and they'd have to stay until 5pm so I'd be bound to speak to people. At university that just doesn't happen because people can just leave and go and do stuff, go and study with the friends they already have.
Even when I go to the shops there's those machines so I don't even speak to the cashiers. It's as though everything was designed to leave people as isolated as possible.
The worst of it is the effect on my motivation (although I'm not sure if I even mean motivation) because I feel completely isolated from anybody else even though it's a completely artificial position to be in. I have family at home that I'll see at Christmas and after I've got my degree I'll get to leave this city, get a job around people I know and actually interact with other people. In the meanwhile though, I get no response to anything I do so that every normal living standard in my life, big or small, just gets neglected. I'm writing this just after filling two big plastic bags with all the rubbish that's accrued that I couldn't be bothered to put in a bin. That's not normal, but even after doing it I don't know why I bothered. Nothing's changed. I'm still just as lonely. It's not like the rubbish was in the way at all, it just wasn't in the bin. Everything I should be doing faces that thought process.
When all of this is over I'd rather have a good degree than a bad one, and this will be over in not so many months time. I know that. I should be studying. But everything feels so empty and pointless right now. There's nothing to spur me on.
Sorry for the self-indulgent rant.
|
self.offmychest
|
Frightened. First of all, I apologise for posting this in here if it's not appropriate - just let me know if that's the case - but I really couldn't think of anywhere else to post it & I suffer from depression so - here goes...
I'm going to see a panto tomorrow with my Mum, and I have reason to believe that my estranged step-daughter is involved in it, and I'm terrified of her. She hates my very guts and has been nothing but abusive towards me. She basically turned my lovely, late husband (her father) into a victim of domestic abuse by beating him up twice - the first time he was left with a permanent scar on his cheek, the second she knocked one of his teeth out. She has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I haven't seen her for 4 years since she turned on me for refusing to give her any money (well, I tried to send her a couple of cheques but it wasn't good enough so she sent them back in a rage & said she never wanted to see me again.)
Actually, she never visited me after my husband's death - she arranged at least half a dozen visits but cancelled each one by text message at the last minute... She sent her brother round to ask for money - he was in my house for 3 hours & wouldn't leave. He said it was lucky I was dealing with him & not his sister or it would have been the worse for me. Eventually I got him to go, but I was very shaken.
I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, CFS and an ileostomy - I couldn't fight her if she went for me - I know she is capable of that. I have also been diagnosed with PTSD since my husband's sudden death & I know her behaviour has been part of that. I even dream about her on a regular basis. I've really only just started to leave the house again properly in 4 years.
But I also feel guilty - maybe I should have given her more money. She was my husband's daughter after all and he did love her dearly, I know that. Maybe I should have tried to help her. I was a pretty useless step-mother, I'm sure (she does have a real Mum, who she has also beaten up on a fairly regular basis - she may not be doing that these days - at least, I hope not!) I'm sure none of this is what my husband would have wanted. I should add that she & her brother are both beneficiaries in my Will - it seems only fair - but I haven't told them.
I was unable to have children of my own after suffering Primary Ovarian Failure at the age of 17 and failed to go through puberty properly. Tests were run but they couldn't even find my ovaries - it's possible that I never had them in the first place but we don't know. I really feel like I've been left with nothing at times - I know I should count my blessings though.
Apologies if this is confused! There is a lot more detail I could go into but I'd better not. I'm just hoping she doesn't spot me at this panto tomorrow because I'm terrified something awful will happen if she does. Hopefully she'll just ignore me. God, I feel so pathetic and useless, and so, so lonely - I've tried hard to get out & about again & I'm sick of feeling so scared all the time. On a more general level, I feel like I must be a really bad person.
Thanks for reading!
|
self.depression
|
I have nothing left. This post is my last attempt. I tried
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
How to be more optimistic Hi all,
Just a quick catch up: I suffer with awful health anxiety that is slowly moving into depression. Now if I feel a new sensation in my body, I panic, calm myself down relatively quickly, and then just feel angry and depressed.
I haven't felt this kind of feeling before; I feel numb, worried, sad and scared but I can't always put a finger on specifically why. It makes me dread the week ahead. I think about all the times I'll be alone (I struggle most then), the possibility I'll feel worried and scared, the homesickness I feel etc...
I was just wondering how people keep their optimism up or prepare themselves for the weeks ahead. I'm all out of ideas.
Thanks so much.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.