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I will my kill myself if my gf is pregnant [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Going from depression to mania really fast Hey guys, a few days ago I commented here how I had a really low libido because of depression. Last 2 days I got drunk, yesterday I picked a fight, today I almost punched a guy(tried) and telling my sister the story I couldnt even tell her why I did. Every single conversation I had with my gf ended in fights and I spent more than half my monthly payment.
Yeah, took my while but now I get it. But I never had this quick of a change before. My doctor is away until the end of the month and im a bit scared.
Since im from Brazil idk if you all will know my meds but im on carbolitium, queopina, brintellix and aristab
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self.bipolar
|
Prozac and Caffeine So, im a college student, and sometimes ill be work weekends in a building where it is essentially just me (I let people in for classes, otherwise the doors are locked) and today i took my prozac with mtn dew kickstart and drank all of it. I brought a big thermos of coffee with me to work, and drank a fair amount of it. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE. I have never had a spas attack or anything like before but i was typing on my computer and i just lost control of my body for a split-second. Some of the most hopeless thoughts I have had in a long time that im still trying to ignore now. Jesus mangs
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self.Anxiety
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I just held my tongue at the right moment. I’m so happy right now! #ChristmasMiracle That is all. 🎄
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self.bipolar
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Taking 3 mg of Ativan/Lorazepam for sleep. I also chew it so it works faster. It really dials me down in the bed and then I just fall asleep watching TV on my phone.
I’ve been doing this several nights now. Hope I’m not overdoing it, but something tells me this isn’t good.
I googled it and it said 3mg can be taken for insomnia. I guess it’s just on the higher end.
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone else ever slap yourself as hard as you can? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I was wondering if exercise could help me with these constant joint pains and muscle tensions? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Terrified of terminal/perminant illnesses I'm extremely anxious about things like getting ALS, Cancer, Alzheimer's, and being fully of even partially paralyzed. I also have epilepsy so i'm afraid of SUDEP. Can anyone help me with this or does anyone have the same fears?
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self.Anxiety
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anyone else just... bored? video games have stopped entertaining me a long time ago. now i just sit around watching youtube. i have done nothing with my life for the past 6 years
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self.depression
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Can you OD on insulin? What's the LD50 on that stuff?
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self.depression
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Can't cope with guilt Backstory: I was recently married this past year to an amazing women who i love deeply but it has triggered some depression and anxiety over not being good enough. (Years of physical and emotional abuse by father). My mind has looked for everything in my past for any wrongdoing on why I am not worthy.
I am a little fuzzy on the details because this happened about 10 years ago. So during one party in college one of my good friends who was a girl was there and we all drank pretty well and all had a good time. At the end of the night i went to bed seeing has i had to much and decided to end the night for me. Well said girl friend decided to sleep in my bed with me and came in shortly after i had laid down, so not long enough for me to fall asleep. I was feeling pretty frisky and motioned to kiss her when she laid down on my chest.(we had a affectionate albiet platonic friendship) She said no no casually as she new the state i was in. I didn't actually kiss her or attempt anything else and simply went to bed. Well a few hours later i wake up and she is cuddled up against me and I realize i have my hands down her pants. I froze and by then shes awake and she casually takes my hand out and both of us go back to sleep without me doing anything else.
A few weeks go by and she has dinner with my other three roommates and she must have brought it up because one of my roommates asked me about it. I admitted it and didn't talk about it further. A few weeks later i see her at another party and when we crossed paths in the hallway I simply said I am sorry for what i did and she casually and quickly said its ok. I wish i would have said more but i was too embarrassed and ashamed. That was the end of the matter and hadn't really thought about it much. By that point in our college careers and friends groups we drifted apart so there wasn't really a follow up chance to talk. Maybe its me maturing and the scared of my own inadequacies of marriage or even the recent metoo stuff but i have been overcome with extreme guilt and depression over it. I ask myself what if i ruined her life, what if she hates me for it and said it was ok just to get over the situation? I talked with her on facebook a few months back and she talked normally and congratulated me on marriage and asked how things were going. I've had many other interactions with women since this, drinking and none drinking, and its never been an issue but i feel terrible for being a predator and potentially causing pain. There is no excuse for it but i feel guilty and pissed at my younger self for doing something i did not intend to do or even had any recollection of until i came too and froze.
It was a mistake and now i am drowning deeper into guilt that im starting to not be able to control. Im getting more to the point where I am now questioning everything I have ever did and if there is anything else I did that I am not remembering or choosing not to feel guilty about until now because I am a shitty person.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I got a job..??! Some progress?? 20(f).
I’ve been housebound for several months because I dropped out of uni and moved back home (because of my depression...so I became more depressed).
I’ve been battling suicidal ideation for a while, at this point I’ve trained myself to sleep like 20 hours just to avoid reality.
I’ve been on Zoloft for a few months and I guess it’s made some type of difference because I’m able to fake laugh and smile and hold some what of a conversation.
I recently was hired for a job that starts in the new year. I applied impulsively through Indeed and went to the interview not really thinking about it.
I actually got hired for the job. I guess my medication has been helping me present better.
I still do not think it’s possible to be a functional person in society, I’m scared as fuck to work.
I hope I don’t fuck this up but at the same time I am dreading this.
Fuck fuck fuck
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self.depression
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I breakup with people and end friendships at the drop of a dime 1 hour late? Ur gone!
I seriously end things with people when they fuck up. Usually it's not them fucking up once but patterns of fucking up and disrespect over time. But I cut them out and don't want to talk to them again for years. Idk if this is normal? Is this a bipolar thing or a borderline personality thing? Or are the people in my life just sort of abusive and blame me for being crazy?
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self.bipolar
|
Why do people bully??? I just don't get it. What self-satisfaction do they get? Because their life sucks and bringing other people down makes them feel better about themselves? How pathetic.
Instead of bullying and being condescending at a teaching hospital, how about you be patient with your students and teach them how to do things. For fuck's sake you're a HEALTH PROFESSIONAL.
Wouldn't you feel better about yourself if you actually knew you taught us something? I don't get it.
I need to keep my tongue shut to stay in my program but oh boy, I hope karma gets you good.
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self.offmychest
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Crashing In Sorry this is long.
I've been depressed since I was 15. First signs were at age 4. I found pot and stayed high for 8 years. Clean and sober for 30 years, I never stopped having suicidal thoughts despite medication. So I tried to bury the pain in relationships, which didn't work either. I've been married three times in recovery.
I had a daughter who I love very much, and we used to be very close. She became a reason to live. Then 4 years ago she didn't want to live with me 1/2 time any more. She became argumentative and we fought a lot. Last year I found out she was accusing me of sexual abuse, with help from her mom ( first wife) and therapist, which is not true. The therapist never reported the abuse, and told daughter I have NPD, which also is not true. So I got a guardian ad litem to investigate and found my daughter was suicidal, claiming PTSD because of the alleged molestation. The lawyer never helped my daughter, sparking a slide into deeper depression. My wife and parents didn't do much to try to help. They got angry when I begged them to step in. Suidical ideation and inappropriate attention-getting threats became an actual plan, and a way to do it without leaving the stain of suicide.
Then at work I made a $5 billion discovery that is extremely disruptive in the industry I work in. My quarter million dollar program found out millions are being spent on the wrong strategy. And 1/2 my team works on the other strategy at the same time as they are helping me, so they are taking steps to undermine the findings. Lately they gave up trying to block the discovery, and the fact that we can literally feed more people with no more land used for farming, by raising more animals (naturally) with the same amount of feed. I'm getting invited to speak globally about the discovery. The suicidal thoughts deepen, knowing the disruption to status quo is only beginning.
Just before Christmas my third wife moved out, and I spent Christmas alone because my parents were sick. Last night she told my mom she intends to get a divorce.
The medicine isn't working. The AA old timers are saying I'm depressed because I'm not working the steps correctly. I'm going to 2-3 meetings a day, most days.
In two days I'm shutting down the case I opened to try to get help for my daughter.
I can hardly work, because I can't complete thoughts very well any more, being so depressed.
I've been complaining about feeling depressed and suicidal, because it's true, and it became a way to relate to the world, which makes people leave. The spiral is getting tighter, and it feels like a black hole is pulling me in. I can't imagine facing another divorce feeling this low.
Mom said to get a roast beef out of the freezer and cook it with some potatoes and carrots and stop thinking about negative things. I went to Landmark and they say this is all just a story, and part of a racket I created to avoid responsibility. They say I can create something different by changing my story.
I've tried a rainbow of medicine, and tomorrow I increase Latuda from 20 mg to 40, and keep the trintellex at 20, per MD.
I can't do anything now because third wife will get 1/2, and parents are too old to deal with my belongings. My thoughts turn to seeing if I can find someone else who will love me anyway, or giving up. I want to give up but not really. I really want to live, but I can't see any hope. And I can't stand the thought of being alone.
Any help, hope or ideas would be appreciated. Thank you.
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self.depression
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:( I literally have no one to talk to :/
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm tired of holding on My life is actually not so bad, I've got a few good friends, my aunt that loves me dearly and would do anything for me, I'm seeing a therapist and a doctor but I'm just so damn tired.
I messed up this summer, been in and out of the psych ward, suicide attempts, treated my ex terrible, pushed people away but I can't anymore, I'm so bloody tired, I just want to cut and bleed and not wake up. I wish I wasn't this tired, but I can't do it anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm so ashamed of what I've become in many ways. But I don't even know where to begin with fixing it.
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self.depression
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Welcome Newcomers & QOTW - 2018-02-15 Greetings & Salutations Everyone!
Use this post to introduce yourself if you're new. Or maybe you're not so new, but haven't gotten around to introducing yourself yet in one of these posts. That's ok too! Either way, we'd love to offer you a warm welcome to our community. In fact, if you've introduced yourself before, why not take some time to say hi to the new people commenting here? What do you have going on this week that's giving you anxiety? Talk to us, we can do this together - **you're not alone in this**.
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###Question this week:
Do you crack your knuckles?
==============================
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**Come chat with us!**
That's right /r/Anxiety is on both [IRC](https://kiwiirc.com/nextclient/#irc://irc.snoonet.org:+6697/#anxiety) and [Discord](https://discordapp.gg/anxiety) were we hang out and talk about random things, or help those who are having a hard time. Tons of great people so feel free to stop on in and say hello!
*********
[Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/index) | [FAQ](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/faq) | [Types of Anxiety](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/anxiety_subtypes) | [Online Resources & Downloads](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/onlineresources) | [Community Map](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/comments/3oux2l/add_yourself_to_ranxietys_google_map/)
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self.Anxiety
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I’m in despair mostly everyday thinking that my life is nothing waiting to die I have no fear anymore I see family around me dying slowly the way I see it there already dead do you get this feeling when your in despair that you don’t care anymore just feel like taking your own life? [deleted]
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self.depression
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FEARLESS FRIDAYS MEGA THREAD. Here we discuss embarrassing stories, funny stories, WTF stories, and everything in between. Need to get something off your chest? Here's the place to do it. Not yet diagnosed and want to ask a question? Feel free to do it here. Pretty much anything goes in Fearless Fridays
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self.bipolar
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Irrational workplace anxiety It all started probably a year and a half ago where I got fired from a job I only worked for 6 weeks. Really it just came down to being at the wrong place at the wrong time, my manager left after I was hired and they decided to restructure her dept, and weed out the new hires. It was all shock and scare to me. After 2 weeks of unemployment. I found a jbo in my field, paying less but nonetheless a job. Definitely one of the most distressing workplaces Ive ever been. My manager was rude, condescending and would wreak havoc over mistakes. She even insulted me while I was in training. She made my coworker cry. By the end of it, a few of my coworkers left. I found a better job paywise and culturally. And she eventually got fired.
Now this new job is great, Ive been there for 5 months now and think Im meeting expectations. BUT, I can never shake the anticipation that I'll lose my job. A small mistake, a bad impression/conversation, disappointment. Everytime my 2 managers close the doors, I assume theyre talking about me, everytime I get called in, I assume Im about to be told bad news. I made a mistake at work (nothing blunder-like) but I still think Im going to get fired. I just always think my corworkers are better and Im the laggard. I feel judged all the time and on my toes. I can never really relax. How can I shake this fear? I feel like just cause a few bad experiences Im being overly paranoid, even over the slightest disappointment. Every-time my boss even looks annoyed or serious I think its about me. Today a supervisor in the dept (not my direct) said thanks for everything when she left. And I interpret that as a clue that Im getting let go.
PS: A superstitious part of me in my last 2 jobs (post firing) wears the same outfit I wore when I did get fired, whenever Im particularly suspicious theyll let me go. For good luck.
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self.Anxiety
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I should probably get a job... I am a college student and I really need to get a job. I HATE going to new places without knowing every detail of what I am getting myself into. I have money saved up from a summer job where I didn't have to talk to many people which was great. However, I need to get some sort of easy part time job. Have any of you anxious people found jobs that they don't absolutely hate?
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self.Anxiety
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I forgot my morning dose today I have to stop ignoring my alarms. I didn't snooze it, I turned it off and went back to sleep. I may need to adjust what time I take it. I already messed up twice one week.
Was OK most of the day but it hit me tonight. I guess I'm not perfectly stable because I was depressed yesterday, on a high today when I saw the eclipse, and unsusally confident because I went up to people and got them to help me with my pinhole box and someone else to share their solar glasses. I also texted a bunch of people I hardly talk to or text because I was excited and feeling more outgoing than usual. I was still nervous, but often my anxiety is crippling. I never know, is this BPD reaction mild swings, or bipolar? It's frustrating.
Afterwards I was tired, then my SO freaked me out and I nearly had a panic attack, now ive calmed down, and I'm a ball if self hatred because I feel so ignorant and stuck, I don't know anything, I pretty much shut down in total isolation all day and miss major news or anything that would shake me out of my rut. Thankful that the eclipse today helped, but it doesn't sustain.
I'm thankful that the mood swings are a lot less minor than the latuda which was like ongoing crisis mode. But it's still hard on me. I seem to be having them whether I miss doses or not since I lowered them from being totally numbed. I'm going to give it a couple more weeks to see how I do.
I see the new pdoc next month, my first appt I thought he seemed knowledgeable and listened, the second I realized that he might not be. He prescribed melatonin and I couldn't function during the day at all, I just thought it was an allergic reaction to something. There was mold and hadn't aired out the apt in a while. Stopping the melatonin ANS cleaning up the apt and letting fresh air in helped. But i was energized today probabky by the eclipse and being outside. It waa novelty.
My doc was shocked that the 1mg was too sedating because "barely a therapeutic dose" and there was nothing lower. He went on about how it helped all the patients at the hospital. He could not stop going on about the hospital! Next time I'm going to tell him, get that's great but I'm not sick enough to be in a hospital and how does this work over the long term? How bout your daily patients outside the hospital?
I told him that I heard there was .5 and .3, which he didn't believe till he googled it. So he decided I should take half a pill, so .5, and dim lights and screens off before bedtime. My anxiety is worse lately so this is his solution to lower anxiety. I have insomnia and broken sleep, can't stay asleep more than 4 hours at a time, after which I wake up suddenly, I don't fall aaleep till 3am, usually wake up 8ish and then catch up by napping during the day. I'm not excited about more meds, but I do need to function. I don't mind natural remedies by I've given diet, excersise and slept a lot before, it doesn't cure me.
I'm afraid if I bring up the mood swings it will be more sleep hygeine crap. I forgot I'm supposed to log my sleep. Dammit.
I'm going to be going on a trip so I know that's going to mess with my "sleep hygiene".
I'm kinda pissed about this. I already nearly lost my spot at the clinic after the last doc. I don't want to be trouble, but I guess I'll give him a couple more appts before I risk it.
And I still feel like shit for being in this tiny world of isolation because everything overwhelms me and I'm alone a lot. Even people who are alone seem to have more interest and connection to what's going on in the world. Ugh. Self hatred doesn't fix anything, it just makes me feel worse, though sometimes the anger boosts me for a day and I snap out of m life and see how it could be before sliding back into numb ignorance. I wish I could live my life rather than try to crawl into a hole and hide from everything in order to survive.
Well that was yet another wall of text. I need to talk to people.
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self.bipolar
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I dont know what to do I look in the mirror and I hate who I see. I cry and I just ask what is wrong with me. I can't make new friends and I'm slowly loosing all of them.
I've only been in a relationship ounce and it wasnt healthy. I begged my ex to stay with me because im afraid of being alone, I'm afraid this is my only chance in finding someone. I thought it would be cool to put myself out there on tinder and see who I get. I didn't get any matches for days, so I paid for the unlimited swipes thing and swiped right for anybody. I just wanted to see who thinks I'm interesting. I got no matches at all, so I took advise in fixing my account. I still got no body. I went through everyone in the Bay area. Tinder gave me some kind of message saying there isn't anyone available. I cried so hard that night, and I deleted the app. Every one around me is in some kind of relationship and I believe there is something wrong with me.
My friends do horrible things to me but I let them do it because I'm afraid of being alone. My friends have tagged my car, constantly make fun of me, and take advantage of me. But the idea of having no one puts me to fear.
I hate going home because of my family. My brother will fight me if I tell him anything he is doing is wrong. And my mom is constantly putting me down. She tells me im never going to get into a relationship, doesn't want me to go to college, and wants me to be able to support myself. After work or school I would drive around the block for hours so I don't have to go home. My father left me when I was 6. He only speaks Spanish, I learned English growing up. Last 3 years i took private lessons and extra classes to learn Spanish, just so I can have a conversation with my father. He never really responded when I tried to talk to him, because he told me he was uncomfortable talking to me. I dropped out of college because I couldn't handle a 4 hour commute everyday, he called me an idiot and told me I wasted my time. I never talked to him since. It's been about 6 months and he hasn't reached out to me.
I hate looking in the mirror and seeing who I see so I try to do things to change that. I tried to go bald because people told me it would make me look more confident. I love the feeling of putting alcohol on my cuts. Eventually it started to leave scares so I started to wear hats and let my hair grow out so I can hide the cuts. I've been starving myself because I feel like I would look better if I was skinnier. I know it's bad for me but seeing my weight go down is so satisfying. The compliments I get are amazing, people asking me if I lost weight. I eat about one meal a day and I drink a lot of coffee and water.
I think about just ending with an exit bag. But I feel like it gets better so I tell myself, try another month. It hasn't gotten better and I've been fighting this forever. I'm loosing hope in myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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So depressed I’m so depressed I can’t do anything besides the basics like get dressed, brush my teeth, make my bed etc. I don’t have trouble waking up in the morning usually. And I don’t have trouble falling asleep usually. I can get my self to class but when I’m there I can’t focus at all. After and between classes I just go back to my room and pretend my pillow is my gf and talk to it and hug it. I barley to get the motivation to study. I just feel so weird I can’t explain it but I know I’m depressed I’m so lonely too I wish I had a gf not just for sex and all that stuff. But as a friend I feel like would be able to relate more to girls than guys. And I want a gf so there can be that since of a deeper trust
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self.depression
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Is it bad that i show no emotion for others? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Wanting to commit suicide but also not wanting to. for a lot of my teenage-adult life I've wanted to commit suicide and just not be alive anymore but right now I'm in just such an emotional limbo and my body and mind are completely confused. I've never been more suicidal in my life than in the last month or so but at the same time, the only reason I want to commit suicide is because of one thing but it's one really big thing. Everything else is my life is absolutely perfect and amazing and I've also never felt more grateful for the things and people in my life. Everyday my mind just goes through this agonising spiral of the one big thing making me want to die more than ever, but then literally everything else in my life making me want to live. I'm not really sure what to do and I don't think there is a thing to do, I just want to know that other people might understand and feel the same way.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Obsessed with my weakness after being beat up by a girl [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Sterling silver cat necklace Valentine's day gift from the north I'm looking for you here too. We were friends during February. You sent me a gift for Valentine's day, a sterling silver cat necklace.
We lost touch during our episodes. I want to know that you're ok.
Reddit, please, upvote this so that he can find this.
Thank you.
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self.bipolar
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With people, yet alone on New Year's Eve You know this feeling when there are people around you but you feel that you're not part of that group - that cheer - feeling more of a spectator than anything else. There is loud music here, people dancing and drinking, people I know really since long now - celebrating a new year. I'm being pulled in for a drink and dancing - I pretend like I am enjoying. I don't want them to know. I don't want anyone to know. Why would anyone care?
I somehow thought it would be a good idea to come here. I don't know why. Maybe better than sitting in front of a screen - playing stupid games or watching videos. I really wanted this to work. I need this for 2018. I'm not feeling good. It's going to be a bad year. Can't go on like this.
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self.depression
|
Somebody talk to me, please To begin, I just got out of rehab a few weeks back. I attempted suicide by overdosing, but I ultimately failed. After staying in treatment for about a week, I was allowed to be discharged. I thought that things were going to be okay for a while, but now I feel completely hopeless yet again. Why? Well...I've come to the realization that nobody in my life actually cares about me with the exception of my father.
To make matters worse, I'm only 15-The first time I attempted suicide was when I was 12. Other kids my age that don't deal with these issues aren't very understanding. I'm not trying to throw a pity party for myself, but it's really fucked up that people this young have to deal with problems regarding chronic depression, suicide, and etc. It's not fair-I want to enjoy life without all of this weighing down on me. Depression has already stolen my innocence-I'm just a kid. I "grew up" too fast because of my depression and now it's too late to go back. I don't know what in the hell I did to deserve this.
When I got out of treatment, none of my friends bothered to call or text me even though they were aware that I was hospitalized. When I got back to school, they all acted as if nothing had ever happened. I went back to eating lunch all alone in the bathroom stalls and being excluded by my classmates.
My sister never came to visit me on her own accord when I was in either the hospital or rehab, and only continued to make insensitive comments about my depression after I was discharged. She acted as if it was a huge inconvenience the one time that my parents forced her to visit me. My mother and younger brother both think that I'm crazy for attempting suicide. They don't understand me because they've never dealt with mental illness. The rest of my family came to visit me when I was in the hospital, but none of them seemed to be upset by what I did. In fact, it was almost as if they had expected it to happen-Yet they didn't seem to care.
My father was the only person that cared, but he has his own problems to deal with. It seems like things would be better off if I weren't here. It feels like I'm stuck in a glass jar looking out at the rest of the world, watching everything continue while I'm trapped here. I feel disconnected from reality. All I want is a friend that I can talk to...Is that too much to ask for? Right now, I just want everything to stop. I want life to stop. I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore, it's pitch black where I am right now. Time is a ticking bomb, and everything is just a matter of time now. Somebody please talk to me. I feel so alone and I don't know where else to turn. I don't want to do something that I could regret-I can't land myself in treatment again. This is my last try at life. Please.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have no idea what my sexuality is And I'm scared. I don't know how one finds out. I've only ever had girlfriends. I always felt some anxiety when it came to physical intimacy. It usually disappears but I don't know why it's there. And I'm afraid I've just been fooling myself all this time. I don't know how to know. I've definitely felt drawn to men before. I don't know how to find out though. I don't want to go to a gay bar. I just want to kiss someone and know. But that doesn't feel realistic or likely to happen. No one is just going to kiss a random stranger. And I'm just tired of not knowing. I thought I would by now. My gender isn't totally clear either and I worry I might be confusing the two. I know it's ok to be different and my family and friends wouldn't care, but I'm still scared and unsure and feel stuck.
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self.offmychest
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any ladies here.wanna make friends.sigh making new friends would be cool
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self.depression
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For those who think you aren't speical... ...Just remember that you're the sperm who won the race out of millions.
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self.SuicideWatch
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first panic attack in a while i haven’t had one in about 7 months, a panic attack, i was doing quite good. but it’s 2am and i have a heavy heart. i couldn’t sleep but i wanted to. today, i found out my ex cheated on me in the relationship for 2 months. we broke up a month ago.
that really spiked up my anxiety.
i had another panic attack, currently having another one. i cant currently breathe
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self.Anxiety
|
Today I realized that despite pursuing my passion,my existence is worthless I thought it was enough for me to at least be working in my field.
Then I see kind Mark Hamill's face all over the place these days.
I should just end it now.
At least I wouldnt have to worry about rent anymore.Donald Trump golfs while Congress lies to us about cuts to Medicaid *instead* of cutting those outrageous government contracts with Northrop Grumman & Ratheon.
Still havent found a painless method of ending one's life.Every Dec I chicken out.I'm just a chicken.
I like Mark Hamill a lot.I guess I'm just a 30yr old "millenial" (black/arab female).
I hate this life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Male 27. Been depressed for a couple of months following split from the my gf [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone else feel sick and nervous before going to a party or meeting someone new? My nerves always hurt and I feel sick and lightheaded before showing up to a party, scares the shit out of me, when I get into it and have met everyone it ends up being good most of the time but I get really bad pre-flight jitters even though Im usually quite confident infront of people.
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self.Anxiety
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"you'll go to hell if you kill yourself" a place of constant suffering, only there's other people there with you
sounds like a better version of my life
ive had almost 20 years to get used to unrelenting psychological and emotional torture and here i am, staring death in the eyes poker faced
offering me an eternity to burn, i won't know the difference a decade in
the idea of nothingness is the only heaven i still believe in, but i'll take hell if it checks me out of this shit
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self.depression
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"If you snap, remember I was nice to you" The thing about normal people is that they know if you are a fucking loser just from observing you. It is not my fault that I was born cursed to be an awkward fucking loser. I already knew that this is what my co workers are thinking when they keep making jokes like that. I am a fucking loser.
If I ever snap, the only person that will ever get "hurt" will be me. I will kill myself.
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self.depression
|
Girlfriend broke up and is now with best friend I feel so betrayed and empty right now , I really don't know how to put it into words , im lost , she broke up with me and 2 weeks later is with my bestfriend , 2 years for nothing , I'm really lost right now.
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self.offmychest
|
My dad mocked my grades and suggested i didn't deserve them [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
A year ago today I nearly ended my story. I really needed to tell someone. I apologise for any triggers mentioned.
this time last year I was having panic attacks so regularly I had stoped eating, stopped sleeping and stopped any sort of self care which lead to me ending up in A&E for suicideal tendencies. i ended up seeing multiple doctors before I got help and had done considerable damage to myself including losing a stone and a half in weight in the space of a month. I could not ride a bus without having horrendous intrusive thoughts and panic attacks that were later due to harm OCD and eventually stoped leaving the house.
Previously I've had bouts of depression and BPD traits that were found in the therapy I had this year. This made working over 20 hours a week impossible and I was regularly changing jobs or losing them.
Happy story time!
This year I took burlesque dance lessons with 20 other women, did a volenteer project within a hospital to paint murals that lasted a month. I have a full time job as a waitress and a pretty solid social life. Most importantly I'm happy! I don't get intrusive thoughts as they are just thoughts now, not panic inducing intrusions! My panic disorder is managed to a point I only have a panic attack once a month.. if that!
I finished a years worth of CBT and DBT thaerapy last week. I thought I'd never get better, but here I am :) Ask me anything.. I'll try and give you as much information as I can about my recovery and me if you wanted to know hah
Glad I did not give up. You can get better.
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self.Anxiety
|
So recently I Was On Youtube overlooking a few videos I have posted on my profile... In the comments section of one of my videos I happen to read “I can’t help but to stick something in myself when I watch this” (KJ3 - Make A Way)... I was not sure how to take the comment so I brought this to you. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Want to stop cutting I've been cutting almost everyday for about a year now and I am trying to stop. The problem is that whenever I stop for more than a few days I get really anxious, nauseous, and just feel crappy all around. Is there a way to make these feelings stop or am I just screwed?
|
self.depression
|
I'm so lost My depression is back for the second time in my life, but this time it's worse.
I'm actually having suicidal thoughts and I'm so fucking scared.
I'm so lonely. I don't have anyone, and my social fucking anxiety doesn't help with that. Everyday the pain gets worse and there's nothing but emptiness inside. I just wanna go to sleep forever.
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self.depression
|
I feel so lonely So, the past couple months have been ratively okay, but recently (past week or so) ive just felt extremely lonely, despite playing games with friends everyday. I lay awake at night hoping that anyone will talk to me, and I just feel like everyone hates me and me talking to them is just an annoyance... I dont know what to do anymore...
|
self.Anxiety
|
Astrology I've been having stuck thoughts about astrology. Whenever I heat about asttology. I feel intense stress and pressure in my head. I believe astrology makes you who you are so i feel the most intense stress whenever I hear or think about Gemini(I'm an aquarius). I just think they're do awesome. Whenever I see astrology references or anything I feel so much tension and stress. I am a great, joyous, fun, loving person but I am battling with my mind on a daily basis and this thought is preventing me from spiritually progressing. How can I accept/release these thoughts and embrace my true self?? Please don't be rude and provide emotional support. Like I feel severe physiological tension whenever I hear or see about astrology. And sometimes when I see others my head becomes filled with thoughts about their zodiac sign that makes me stressed for some reason. I really want to change humanity and make the world a better place. But these thoughts are getting in my way. How can I let go of these thoughts and not let them stress me out so much and make me so anxious. And not let astrology rule my life? And fully accept myself as a multidimensional being? Thanks!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I think I'm ready now. I think I'm ready to break up with her. We've been together for 1 year, she was my first everything. We can't see each other much now, even though we live 1 minute away. Her parents don't want her talking to any guys. She's stopped putting in effort. Lately she said she's been too busy to text me due to school, but she has a week off and she's acting the same still. This is how I know things won't change. I don't want to do this but I know I'm wasting my time.
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self.offmychest
|
In less than 24 I will be dead and nobody around me suspects a thing. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Thinking About Seeing a Psychiatrist - Looking for Advice/Feedback [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
You'll know if you're in love - Does this also apply to anxious people? They say if you're in love you'll know it. So is wondering if you are a sign of not being in love?
What do you think? I'm such an anxious and insecure person I have doubts about everything. I'm a typical overthinker. Thinking about this makes me also anxious.
Life's horrible.
|
self.Anxiety
|
how do you know at what point you need to get help? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I hate myself so much I never want to leave my house again. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Learned my therapist (not psychologist) reported BPD in addition to bipolar since our first sessions over a year ago. How do I get this fixed? I’ve read enough about BPD, and talked with people in support group meetings with it, to know I definitely don’t have it.
I live where all mental care providers are backed up and not accepting new patients.
So, I’ve been stuck with a clinic that also requires I see a counselor, and not just a psychiatrist.
This counselor got it wrong. Don’t blame him. I don’t like therapy, especially when I’m forced to, in order to get meds.
Plus, I blow off our monthly meetings as often as possible, so we average a 1hr session every 6-8 weeks.
Anyways, I found out counselor put down BPD as likely disorder in addition to bipolar, when we first met. And it’s been there ever since.
We argued, and I proved I know what BPD is ... but argument only seemed to make it more likely, in his eyes.
Anyways, I don’t really care. He’s not a clinically trained psychologist, so I don’t expect him to be amazing at it.
My question is - How much does an incorrect diagnosis of BPD screw up my bipolar treatment options, if at all? Need to figure out if I should just let it go, and not care ... or demand a trained psychologist with years of experience.
|
self.bipolar
|
I get sad when I'm around people I could be doing something fun and genuinely laughing for bits in between but being around people, even my friends makes me incredibly sad. But I do it anyway because I hate feeling left out. I feel like I'm creating a problem where there is none.
|
self.depression
|
I'm falling into a hole and I need help, I don't know why, but I'm vacationing in Mexico. And ever since November I've been feeling progressively more depressed every day. I'm sleeping longer; yesterday I was only awake for 3 hours. And today I just got up. The weather has been so-so and I don't know what to do anymore. We're with friends and my mom's best friend doesn't like me. And whenever I try to tell her she takes away personal belongings, etc. She took away my YoYo, my favourite hobby aside from gaming. Because I "Looked Miserable" and has been calling me absent-minded and a disappointment to all my teachers etcetera. Because I currently have a C- in Science. My favourite subject. My brother has been hitting me and calling me down behind my parents back. And his friend who is the son of the mom who doesn't like me has been telling me stuff like "Kill yourself" and "Nobody wants you here."
And the older girl who is the daughter of the mom who doesn't like me; me and her had a falling out a few years back and she's been avoiding me and ignoring me every time I try to say something to her. I can't keep going around being bullied and ignored and when I raise the issue I get called down for raising it. I want to go home to my friends can someone please talk to me?
|
self.depression
|
I dreamt about my ex and woke crying I dreamt that we met at the park and I held her really tight under my arms. I brushed her damp hair with my fingers, looked into her eyes and couldn't stop kissing her.
I was so happy to see her again but she said she couldn't stay for long. She was hiding from people that passed and then I woke up, with tears in my eyes because I knew it was all a lie and that would never happen again.
|
self.depression
|
Dear N <Pyari>, It's 2018, wow it's been an year already. I know everything ended in 2016, but we didn't even wish each other birthdays. Both of us got engaged to different people and things ended with them. Both of us moved on to new experiences in life.
I wish and I pray that this year is more wholesome, happy and successful for you. I don't know whether you still read this space but I hope you do. I know I can't mend things with you, moreover I know you won't because I guess I will only pull you down.
If you ever read this, know this that you are still the most precious thing to me. Know this that you won't ever be alone. I wish we could stay friends, I wish I could help you, I wish I could hold your hand one more time, but I guess I'm not worthy of that anymore.
Always stay the crazy person you are. Doesn't matter where I am or where you are, I'll always be there for you through the tides of time!
Always Yours,
<Lemon>.
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self.offmychest
|
Sleep So there's finally a study for the thing I feel gets written of most when I talk about my stability. Here's the link http://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpsy/article/PIIS2215-0366(17)30328-0/fulltext?elsca1=tlpr
Really though, no joke. Sleep is fucking important. I'm lucky, one of my antipsychotics also kills my insomnia and allows me to sleep when I want/need to. But also important is that I literally made sleep my number one priority in life. Outright. If I need to be stable, nothing in my life is more important to sleep.
Anyways, I don't feel like I'm ever taken seriously when I say this. Maybe it's cuz I'm just feeling dickish because I got up at 6:30am and it's now past 7:30 and closing in on bed time but I felt this needed to be said. Peace
|
self.bipolar
|
Anyone else feel like your wrong to like what you like? As in, your opinions are stupid and wrong, so they shouldn’t exist? Everything you like, dislike, etc. makes you an outcast? And, because of that, you feel guilty and that you should remove yourself from other people?
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self.depression
|
I just need some advice Alright, I've never attempted to post anything here, but I need some help. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm getting either so angry or so hopeless that I don't see a way out.
I've been feeling down for several years now, and previously I kept my emotions to myself. About 2 years ago, a very good friend of mine found out about how broken up I always was, and told me he would always be there to listen if I ever had any problems. I was extremely grateful, and I can still never thank him enough for putting up with me and my rants, but I eventually realized that I was probably bothering the hell out of him with all of my bullshit, so I started dumping less on him and kept things to myself more.
I kept feeling worse and worse, and eventually started having suicidal thoughts. He got really worried and contacted my parents to let them know that I wasn't ok. Both of my parents love and support me, and immediately sat with me and talked about what they could do to help. They helped me get set up with a therapist and a psychiatrist, which neither seem to be helping. They say they see the meds helping a bit, but I'm not seeing much of a change.
Recently, I've been dealing with quite a bit of anger. I've been getting so angry at every little thing that goes wrong, and it's affecting my friends and family. My coworkers are constantly poking fun at me, which usually wouldn't get to me, but is now making me want to hurt someone. Any mistake I make sets me off. I've started having more and more suicidal thoughts, and I just need to figure out what to do before I make a bad decision.
I don't even know if I touched on everything I wanted to, but I need advice. I've asked my family, my friends, my doctors, everybody. I just can't stop feeling like there's no hope for myself. Dying seems like the best option, but I promised my family that I wouldn't do anything I couldn't take back, so, I'm still here.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Hahaha... anyone played doki doki literature club? There’s a warning for those suffering from depression... and the story of saoyori hit me really really hard. Doki doki literature club... Let me tell you my story. Sorry if it’s a bother ahahaha.
As a kid, I never had many friends. I can’t even get this straight... can anyone dm me?
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self.depression
|
You don't want me around That's ok, I guess I'll just kill myself then
|
self.depression
|
Why should I bother living when this reality clearly isn't for me? It doesn't get better, it only gets worse. My genitals hurt constantly without weed, my dick barely works, I can never remember a damn thing, my back if fucked, no matter what I do I can't build muscle. I'm just fat and boney. My whole goddamn life my parents stuck me in nuthouses and doped me up on bullshit pills in applesauce, then forced me on those fucked up anti-psychotic injections. I'm sick of being expected to stop sitting around in fantasy all day and go live in shitty 3D. I do not believe I am supposed to exist here. I'm sick of all the religious shit like having had my dick mutilated at birth cause hurr hurr sex is for marriage only. I'm sick of constant physical issues. I'm sick being absolutely awful at everything I do. I'm sick of being expected to wageslave endlessly like all the other drones and care more about pieces of inked paper and metal more than having fun. I'm sick of being expected to want to be normal and conform instead of doing my own thing. I just want to hurry up and die, go to hell or something if it exists and become a demon. Why is that wrong? What is so great about being alive that I'm supposed to just live for the sake of living? It's dumb. Just dumb. It's all meaningless and pointless anyway. I hope I get cancer or something from all the cigarettes I do. I really don't give many fucks anymore. I just don't get it. This reality just isn't right for me.
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self.depression
|
I’m Muslim and I love my religion but living in this society makes me wish i were dead [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Hi. I think I’m suicidal. I just really don’t know what to do anymore. My mind keeps trying to kill me while my body is trying to keep me alive. I’m starting to not feel anything at all, except being empty and depressed. Then, I get more depressed because I feel empty and I feel more empty because I’m depressed. I’ve asked for help. I’ve asked for so much help. But no one sees it, even the people who are payed to care. I have to keep talking myself off this ledge and I don’t even know why I do it. I’ve lost everything. My family, my true friends, my baby. Everything that I care about either leaves or dies. And I’ve become such a cold, empty person because of it. I feel like I’m one untied shoelace away from blowing my stack in front of everyone.
Please, someone help.
|
self.depression
|
A story about my gf (25F) and I (27M). I want to share the story of this drama. tl;dr: Dated current GF's sister before I dated my current GF. Dating the sister before my current GF essentially ended a long time relationship with a friend of mine and caused the Gf's family to despise me, invade our privacy, actively try to split us up. Also cant trust GF due to both her ignorance (shes not the brightest crayon in the box) or malice.
Last night after talking with a friend I got some more information regarding that status between my GF's family and I. After hearing the short update on them, I just felt compelled to share my story and its craziness. Buckle up because its a wild ride. I am using a throwaway account just because my GF does know my username. (and if she knows it I'm sure the GF's family would know it too)
My buddy (buddy 1) had finally come back from military boot camp and was having a small party to celebrate his return and a birthday as well. That is the day I met my current GF and her sister (lets call my current GF sister 1 and her sister as sister 2). My military buddy (buddy 1) had stated an interest in sister 2, and it seemed like they were hitting it of well. The night ended after exchanging some words and phone numbers with both sister 1 and sister 2.
After my military buddy (buddy 1) left back to the military was when things started to get weird. Sister 2 would text me occasionally inviting me to outings and movie nights. At first, I saw no intent from her because the outings would include numerous friends and even one close buddy of mine (buddy 2) would show up. I would go just to stay on good terms with sister 2 so that if my military buddy ended up starting a relationship with her all would go well. As time went by she continued to invite but the number of friends she would invite would decrease. There was an occasion where sister 2 invited me to join her and sister 1 to lunch. When I arrived, sister 1 had come out to tell she couldn't make it and it essentially turned into a date between sister 2 and I. I started to notice that she might not be into the military guy (buddy 1) but instead me around that time.
After a few weeks, sister 2 ended up inviting me to a haunted maze with sister 1 and my close buddy (buddy 2). I was excited to go because I had never gone to a haunted maze before (I was about 20 at the time, now 27), and thus agreed to go. After accepting their invitation the sisters thought it would be cool to wear matching shirts for the night. At first I thought all four of us would wear the same shirt but instead I found out when we finally went to the mall that it would be sister 2 and I matching, and sister 1 and buddy 2 wearing a separate matching shirt. Sister 2 and I couldn't find a good shirt to match in so we ended up going to mall again just the two of us on a later day. This was one or two days before actually going to the haunted maze. It was on this day when she (sister 2) sprung it on me that she was interested in me and wanted to start a relationship.
I told her no at first because it would ruin the relationship between buddy 1 and I. To my disbelief, she kept trying to convince me for the next hour to change my mind with statements such as "buddy 1 doesnt own me, I can choose who to date". She even cried during this event explaining how she was going to miss out on getting would a good guy because of buddy 1 whom was only a friend to her. I regret the decision i made that day. I broke down, showed weakness, and gave in to her request. (it was the most awkward ride back to her place) (also keep in mind she did this in a public place and she was essentially almost preventing us from going back home or somewhere private because she would cling to any sign of weakness from me).
We ended up going to the haunted maze and the whole time I was still having a bad time with the decision. All that happened on that night was that we would kiss in the line for each haunted maze. I believe it was on saturday night when we went. On sunday I didnt see sister 2 at all. Instead I visited another buddy (buddy 3) to talk things over about the mistake that occurred over the weekend. On monday, I saw sister 2 in school, we kissed, and i think she could tell I was still hesistant and told me to make a decision because she did not want to be just friends with benefits. It was either later that day or the next when I told her I couldn't continue things with her. I also called buddy 1 and told him everything that happened since it was him that was interested in sister 2.
Things went sour after that, buddy 1 hated me after that which is understandable and expected. This put an end to a close relationship between buddy 1 and I. But things didn't end there. I was still friends with sister 1.
During the whole ordeal I kinda saw an interest in sister 1 with buddy 2. But as far as I know nothing came from that. Something that did happen was that sister 2 ended up with buddy 1 maybe 2 months after that haunted maze.
There would be weeks when sister 1 and I would hit it off and we would get close to starting a relationship but because of sister 2 and buddy 1 whom was now close friends with the family of both sisters, would cause the family to start giving me the cold shoulder. Understandable. I was just this new guy who was trying to date both sisters to them and bring problems to the family. I should of burned that bridge to that family a long time ago, but my indecisiveness is a problem I still deal with to this day. (though its a lot better than before).
As time goes by sister 1 and I hit it off and then go into periods of not talking due to my hesitance in dealing with their family, sister 2, and buddy 1. It was in 2013 after being on and off with sister 1 that we finally start a relationship.
Things were so bad after that. Their family would dislike me but it felt like they would take it to a whole other level. No matter what I did they couldn't even say thank you. Example the family would throw it on sister 1 and I to watch over their younger brother (about 3 or 4 years old). Or helping clean their lawn when I was waiting for sister 1 to be ready. Like even if you hate someone, wouldn't you at least say thank you for favors they would for you? It actually came to show that the family was very narcissistic. Especially the mom. I could go on to explain more on what the family did to show why I and others that know them think they are narcissistic if you guys wish. But problems with the family, sister 1, and buddy 2 are only one aspect of it all.
When sister 1 and I started our relationship she would play with my anxiety instead of help it out. Having to deal with a ton of people of that hate you is tough enough as it is especially when they actively try to kick you out of their house, talk smack to your face, and try to sabotage our relationship.
During the last period of when we weren't talking (sister 1 and I) sister 1 started to talk to 2 guys, her ex and a dude in his 30s.(She was 21 at the time). What she did was essentially try sexual things with the ex and was semi interested in the older dude. What made it bad for me was that she would use it against me. She would say things like I tried does sexual things so I could better for you. That really played on anxiety because I had no idea what to think of that. Why would someone do that? Isnt that in a sense kinda like cheating because youre doing it for the other person? If she wouldn't have told me it was for me I wouldn't of cared that she tried things we weren't together so its none of my business but she stuck with that story. With the older guy she would accept his gifts and send me pictures of his gifts to her. She would boast about going to out to nice restaurants and fairs. This btw was going on while I was out of the city for college so it would make my anxiety worse by never knowing what she was truly doing.
Nevertheless, I stuck with it but I can definitely say it affected me bad because after that whole fiasco I sought help from a psychiatrist because I just couldn't tell what the hell was going on anymore or who to trust. I was diagnosed with general anxiety which I would say lasted about 2 years before I got my head straight again. The lasting effects though are that I don't trust my GF (sister 1) to be there for if things go bad. There was a night when I tried to tell her how I felt, how anxious everything was making me, and she told that I was overreacting to everything.
Fast forward to now. I told my GF (sister 1) that I don't want to deal with her family at all because every time I see them an argument ensues at some point whether its between them and I, or them and the GF (sister 1). It has become the elephant in the room. She doesn't really talk about her family which has made our relationship better but I can see thatshe struggles with not having her family and I getting along.
What I was told yesterday by buddy 4 who was a coworker to sister 2 was that essentially to this day she tries to still come between the relationship between sister 1 and I even though I have not talked to them in about 2 years now. Examples. She would look at sister 1's phone to read conversations between her and I. She would follow sister 1 in her car to see where she would go with me. She would try to get sister 1 to date the older dude. ( who pushes a young girl to date someone at least a decade older). This year she was pushing a coworker to start talking to my GF. She would try to get information from buddy 4 about our relationship. She would also convert the story to everyone she talks to which would explain why the family would hate me. She tells everyone essentially that I was the one begging to go out with her, that I'm a horrible person, alcoholic, drug user.
I have only tried cannabis and I use it only once a year at most. I drink probably once a month and that's honestly only a beer or two unless its a special occasion. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I was the best friend I could be to buddy 1 before I ruined things ( he was essentially an asshole to most of his friends but I was the only one that would continue to invite him out and put up with him treating us as his inferiors. To be honest our friendship had ended before sister 2 had come in because he would treat everyone as his lackey.
This has been a confusing 7 years. I just wanted to share my drama of a life. I have improved in being decisive. I am in the emergency health care field and for some time now. So I learned just to man up and stick to a decision and accept all ramifications.
There's just to many problems in the past that have caused me to not trust anyone from their side, and whats a relationship without trust? I just want a relationship where I'll know that they'll have my back if things go bad.
tl;dr: Dated current GF's sister before I date my current GF. Dating the sister before my current GF essentially ended a long time relationship with a friend of mine and caused the Gf's family to despise me, invade our privacy, actively try to split us up. Also cant trust GF due to both her ignorance (shes not the brightest crayon in the box) or malice.
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self.offmychest
|
I need help I am 21 [m] and am going to college in Colorado right now. I never did much with my 'college experience' thanks to the amount of studying I have done. My grades are too bad to go to medical school which was always the dream for me. I met this girl last year and fell in love. I have only ever had sex with 4 people including her. Her body count is nearly 30. Shes the only thing that makes me happy anymore and the only thing that isn't garbage about my shit life. But I can't stop thinking about all the guys shes been with and it drive me crazy. I don't know what to do. If I don't have her then I feel like I have nothing anymore. Shes so good to me. I don't know what to do and it makes me want to put a bullet in my head.
|
self.depression
|
Be safe out there For those in the cycle, flying high, hearing voices, in the slump, on the meds, off the meds, back on the meds, in the hospital, blackout drunk, for all my bipolar brothers and sisters out there, be safe. The world is a scary place. Call your doctor, use a condom, take your meds, don't shoot up. I'm stable but I have several friends in an episode right now and I've been reminded of how dark it can really get. So be safe. I love you all.
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self.bipolar
|
Life feels like a pretty endless loop of bullshit I feel like Ive hit the highest point in my life. There really doesn't seem to be anywhere I can go to improve anymore.
I went to college to get an associate's in Game Design, couldnt after one semester since my parents worked so hard against me to assist in financial aid that I still owe 23k for that semester. My own art isn't much better than it was before either; its pretty much stabalized at average-mediocre compared to other artists out there. And now Im just a supervisor for security at a museum barely scraping by for rent and other personal bills with a few roommates while still being unable to pay my student loan in any way shape or form.
What I really detest is that I am aware I should get help, that maybe I just need proffesional guidance, possibly medication. But I cant seem to find any place around NYC that doesnt already cost whats basically an arm and a leg to me to be at and I can barely afford live paycheck to paycheck anyway. Just, once again reminding me that I cant even afford to keep my own life afloat, let alone attempt to improve it. I also know I can speak to my partner, but the problem is with her having own mental issues it can get in the way of me trying to explain my feelings; i.e. getting angry at me/feeling like I dont trust her and therefore not trusting me because I didnt tell her I was feeling a certain way asap, or uncontrollably crying because she feels inadequate for keeping me from feeling the way I do despite reassurance that this is just an effect of depression. So, I kind of keep it to myself really, and then have spikes and think "wow I need help", leading to thinking about how I cant afford it, then remembering that I'm in a spot that wil very likely not improve for a very long time.
Honestly, I have every tool I need to just end it straight away but I'm fully aware of the impact it will have on my loved ones and how inconvenient itd be to those around me, so I continue to stick around. But I just genuinely don't want to at all, I'm not happy and I dont think I ever will be.
Anyways, sorry for the rant. I just wanted to get it all out in any way I can and I do feel better. But...I dunno I guess.
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self.depression
|
i get depressed after i eat and am no longer hungry [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Hate being alone Most days i can function normally in my classes at university or with my friends but every time i'm alone and not distracting myself with school (which stresses me tf out) i get the intrusive thoughts and i inevitably break down at the end of every day. I can't handle being alone with my mind and i don't know how to fix it.
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self.depression
|
Lost my son, want to end my life I just don’t see any purpose any more. Life was so beautiful with my baby...my boyfriend was a wonderful dad and everything was great. My son suddenly died at three months old one morning with no given cause, doctors said SIDS, he was fine sleeping and we left for five minutes to the other room, came back and he was gone.
Now when my bf is angry, he’s gotten violent, kicking my car, pushing me and threatened to knock me out when out of anger and hurt I blamed him for our sons death because he was the one to put him to go to bed. I know that was wrong of me and I didn’t mean it, but sometimes I wondered.. and him pushing and threatening is a bad sign and scares me...and before this happened, he had grabbed me before, over a small argument, but didn’t push me like he had this since, but .ever since our sons been gone his anger became physical..he used to just slam the table...
I just don’t see my life going anywhere..I still love my bf but if he’s going to be abusive i can’t be with him, and I want another baby that’s the only way I feel i’ll Heal, but he doesn’t want another one, and I don’t want one with him if he’ll be abusive. I don’t have it in me to start over and find someone else, especially with all this.
I’m depleted of all energy because of this depression and don’t even want to get out of bed. I’ve been thinking of ways to end this.. I need help
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Need people to talk to I'm in constant pain, got taken from home by social workers and I'm now in custody. I want to cut again, I want home. But most importantly I want someone to talk to, someone to hold on to. On like, Whatsapp or discord or something
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self.SuicideWatch
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Goal Setting Sunday 8.13.17 What goals do you want to work towards this week? Let's progress together and move towards better selves.
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self.bipolar
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My friend try to attempt a suicide today. What are something (encouragement, positive things) I can say to her? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Everyone always lists their pets needing them as one of the reasons they don't kill themselves But for me, it wouldn't stop me. My cat is an amazing boy and would probably be better off with someone better than me. He would get adopted in a heartbeat
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self.depression
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Why is r/bipolar being overrun with selfies? Can we please start a megathread instead?
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self.bipolar
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Seeking perspective -- does this guy actually have no interest in me? Or is it just my depression/anxiety? Let me start off by saying I have the habit of falling into men who end up not caring about me. Because of this, I easily obsess over and over think small actions, but I do not express this to my partner. I met a guy who at first seemed to really like me. We are very similar people and he has a golden heart. we hung out a couple of times and the most recent time we hung out we both seemed to have a good time, but he hasn't asked me to hang out since. He usually texts me for a short bit daily but he puts no effort into it. I must mention he is naturally anti social and will not text most people. But anyways, he does not make time for me. He says he's caught up in things, but he still has time to hang out with his other friends (we just met so this is understandable). Does this guy want me out of his life and is just trying to be nice because he's a good person? Or am I just crazy? What should I do..fthis is really taking a toll on me.
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self.depression
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It's that time of year again... It's that time of where mostly everyone has a significant other, friends or family that they are with. Everyone is talking about it at work and joyful for the time of year. They can't wait to go home. I try to find a reason to stay away from home, I know I have No one there waiting for me, I have No one to give me a call or text me asking what I have going on for the holidays. I just feel so alone. Every year from thanksgiving till new years the depression takes me down further and further. Every year I wonder why bother going on, nobody is around to care if I am gone or not. I often sit at work and dwell on maybe I should just walk out and leave my town move to someplace new, least I can have an excuse why I am so left out, and so alone.
Can anyone answer why people like me or even like anyone in this sub are so alone, why do people push us aside when we put our fake smile on...
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self.depression
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I oftentimes obsess over meaningless memories Oftentimes when I am at home I remember all the dumb cringey memories of my younger years that I'd rather forget. Stupid shit like trying to lie to an easy-to-lie-to teacher that I did my hw, using someone else's project in ceramics class and getting sent to the office, and trying to steal a piece of candy off my teachers desk. None of this shit really affects me now but I can't seem to stop thinking about this stuff.
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self.depression
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worse each day I’m really wasting these days away. My day started at 7pm. I realised I forgot to eat the entire time and I can’t be bothered to. Haven’t talked to anyone, haven’t opened my chats, I’m too tired to deal with anything. I’m so sorry for my unresponsiveness
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self.depression
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Reaching out and there's no one there. I wonder if the fact I talk about suicide makes people think I'm not serious about it? Is it only real if I keep it a secret? I've spoken to my mother and basically begged for her help on what to do... I don't know if I'm supposed to go to the hospital or just wait it out until my next psychiatrist appt in late January. I don't think I can wait that long. I don't think I can live that long.
But I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to do, I thought, taking my meds and being honest with my loved ones and calling hotlines. It isn't helping. I just spend all day thinking of ways to do it and then worrying about hurting people if I go through with it (esp. because my dad lost is sister not too long ago to suicide and my mother's sister attempted suicide and was committed for several weeks earlier this year.)
I don't know what else to do. I thought talking about my feelings less was a bad thing but I think maybe it would make everyone happier if I just pretended that I didn't want to die until I do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxious something bad is right around the corner... (Possible Trigger, domestic abuse) Hi, I'm a long time Reddit reader, but I've only just signed up to start posting/commenting tonight.
I don't really even know if this is quite the right place to post but hopefully it is.... I tried elsewhere but no one has responded yet.
I've got a horrible feeling and I can't shift it.
Basically my life hasn't been the easiest. I've spent a great deal of it depressed and anxious.
I lost my Dad at a young age, very shortly after my you get brother was born. A year or so later my mum met another man, who was an absusive aggressive drunk. He was nice to her at first, then his true colours were shown.
As time went on he got her completely controlled and had me and my little brother living in fear.
He was a convincing actor when he needed to be, and the few times the police were called by neighbours he's somehow managed to escape attention.
My mum was too scared to ever say I'll against him, as was my brother.
A was due to leave for university but ended up having to stay to care for my mum and brother, I couldn't leave them.
I ended up getting kicked out of the house by my step dad as I was meant to be gone. I had (and still do ) a crappy supermarket job. The bedsit I ended up in took all my wages.
After a few years, My brother let me know how mum was skipping meals as she needed the money to fuel G. (Step dad) boozing.
I ended up couch surfing for several months and giving what money I could to my mum once a month.
I'd often work evenings then walk miles to get to a friends to stay.
About 2-3 months ago a customer from the shop whom I'd always flirted with jokingly but in all honesty had a pretty big crush on, helped me out.
I was walking home from work, soaked by the rain, with about a 5 mile walk to go. He pulled over in his campervan, I didn't realise before but he lives outta a campervan. He let me get warm, dry, and let me stay in the van as it was better for me to stay in town as I had to work the next day.
He had no ulterior motive, he just wanted to help, I know that's his character. He once spent an helping an old lady with her food shop, he didn't even know her, just wanted to help. He also intervened when he saw my stepdad attack my mum once, before I knew him this was. My stepdad ended up with his arm in plaster. Not that he remembers it was my bf that did this as he was too drunk to remember. Me, my bro and mum remember how nice that time was, for 2 months G was bearable as he knew he couldn't be violent in his state.
He helped me out a bit more, we spent a lot of time together and got closer and closer. I didn't realise it quite at the time, but I was rapidly falling in love with him. I initiated moving things forward, we ended up having the best sex I've ever had. He had to go away for over a week for work but came back early and surprised me. We've been together since almost everyday.
I'd as good as moved into the campervan with him. We share many interests whilst remaining independent too. We have literally the best sex ever (I swear he's more than human). He's kind, thoughtful, respectful, and in great shape... (Big, strong, Muscles where they could and just a slight a slight belly, he's a competitive martial artist and has deceptively incredible fitness).
Since getting together he's made my life better in every way.
About 10 days ago however, my mum had an 'accident' which put her in hospital. My BF took me straight in, Gerry was there acting the concerned husband, fooling them all, I couldn't go in and just broke down.
He took my hands, looked me dead in the eyes and asked me if I trusted him to deal with it all for me.
I did, he makes me feel safe, I trust him completely.
He told me we'd move back in to my old house to care for my mum whilst she recovers, he assured me Gerry wouldn't be an issue. Told me he'd give me a window of opportunity to get my mum on board.
We went into the room, this was the first time my mum had met bf although she'd heard about him a lot, and knew how happy he was making me.
I didn't bring up the arm incident, but she remembered him. Which I think made the next part easier.
My BF took on a slightly different persona all of a sudden, he became well, like my stepdad for a moment, just towards G. Though.
Like G. Does my BF became very overbearing and effectively ordered G. To come and get a coffee with him and leave me and mum to some mother daughter time. G. Was very takenaback by this and to our surprise complied.
I had to plead with my mum to trust me, to trust BF, that we must go along with his plan, even though I didn't fully know his plan.
Unfortunately I couldn't get her to confirm yes or know before they came back.
BF, started the conversation saying we'd move back to take care of her and help out whilst she recovered. G. Began to argue that we didn't need to but BF basically changed again and played G. At his own game. Again next thing I know we're due to move back in to my mum's house.
I was devastated to see my mum hurt and in hospital, but my my gut was doing loops, I was estatic inside to see G. to be the one humbled and controlled.
We moved in and BF continued to order G. Around and belittle him, the same way G. spent years doing to my family.
He started teaching my little brother BJJ and Boxing he has confidence issues and gets bullied at school too, this is helping him loads.
In just a few days he'd fixed and repaired all the things G. Should have done over the years, including filling the holes G'd put in the walls.
To both my shock and delight, on the 6th day of us living back there, G'd left!
BF took me and mum out to the shop to get a few bits, when we got back all of G's clothes were gone and there was a card on the table that just said 'bye'.
The problem is, whilst in just a few months, this incredible man has no only made me feel special, happy, and improved my life incredibly, in just 6 days he has saved my family from 9 years of utter hell. I just can't help but feel something is going to go wrong.
Nothing has ever been this good in my life, and yet rather than enjoying it, I am just anxious about when and how it will end, what will go wrong.
Is this normal?
Am I right to feel like this?
I don't want this to end ever, I just can't help but feel something bad is going to happen.
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self.Anxiety
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Ugly kid table I'm a dork. My friends are as well. Normally we get together at lunch time to disparage our miserable lot in life. Why do the cool kids need to be born with good looks and money? It infuriates us! We even take this conversation home to our independent snap chat group. Our lives center around "them" the cool kids. FML We get a good laugh out of mocking the cool kids. All of us know, that despite our disparaging remarks, sadly, will not change reality. You know what, the cool kids, aren't even your typical lot, you would see on a Disney home movie. They want nothing to do with us. Perhaps because we are insecure evil fucks, but they never been mean to any of us. At some point, will need to think this through ... why do I feel the way I do? My mother was a buddhist. Was I horrible person in a previous past life? Am I destined to come back even uglier next life time because of my evil disposition. Gotta go. Time to mock the cool kids on snapchat!
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self.offmychest
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A teacher stood by whilst my dad hit me. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Does anybody else dream about getting injured? Sometimes it's heroic, other times simply dramatic, but all the time I just dream about getting to rest. To not have to think about the pressures of life, to have friends and family thinking of me, not having to worry about money or work or university. Sometimes I dream about it every night when i'm stressed, other times just when the mind wanders.
It's a selfish thought, and a thought that wouldn't be calming if I didn't live in a healthcare nation, but it's one I can never seem to stop having.
Is this a sign of depression? It's one of the many things that prop up when i'm even slightly hindered in life, such as being low on money at the moment or having assignments due.
Edit: This is not dreams of suicide, or anything close to that. I enjoy life when I don't have to worry about things, but I increasingly find things to worry about.
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self.depression
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After a month, I finally combed my nappy hair It’s been one month since I showered and combed my hair. It was starting to clump and “mat”. I’ve been feeling anxious because of the holidays and also moving out of my house soon. Sorry that there’s no photos. I didn’t feel well enough to maintain myself. The more time I put off on maintaining my hygiene the more I avoided it, making my hygiene worse. Finally as I was voice chatting friends, at 3 am. I finally took the time and energy to do it. I thank my friends for helping me through it all.
To anyone else who neglects themselves because of their anxiety, I just want to say it’s never too late to start.
And any little self maintaining is good. Febreezing myself made me feel better than not doing anything. Rinsing your teeth with just water has improved my insecurity.
Thank you for reading, I just felt like sharing
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self.Anxiety
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Do you ever just feel the void is calling you? No matter what you do it's just lurking, waiting on you to join.
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self.depression
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How do I find out what type of no-polar I am? So far my diagnosis is just plain old bipolar. How do I find out if its type 1 or 2?
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self.bipolar
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I feel like I've sabotaged my life so that I'm forced to choose between torture and suicide Earlier today I was wondering what I would wish for if I got the bigger half of the wishbone, and it came down to me doing my homework or me not being depressed. I decided to go with the former since I don't want to not be depressed.
I didn't get the bigger half.
Earlier this year, I was called out of class because someone told the school I talked about killing myself. I was treated like a criminal for not letting them in my phone, and other fucked up things. I don't go a day without thinking about it. The one essay I've written this year was an allegory for my depression. I claim I wrote on that because my mind was filled with only that, but maybe I want to be called out of class again so that I'll have to think about two fucked up events a day, worsening the quality of my life.
I'm not doing the lab reports for physics, and my physics teacher says he can't pass me if I don't do them, but if I talk with him, there may be some leniency. I actively avoid having that conversation.
There's something I can do about all this, but I won't do it. I won't allow myself.
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self.depression
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How to get a job when you're not smart I'm working at a movie theater making slightly above minimum wage. Anytime I Iook for jobs on indeed all of the ones that pay what I want ($20,000-$40,000 per year), all of them seem to be for people way above my intelligence level. I'm shit at solving problems, especially under pressure. I really think I'm just worthless. My boyfriend tells me not to worry, but I really think our survival depends on him getting a decent job because I'm just too stupid to live. I wish he would break up with me and find someone who isn't a useless bag of shit. But he won't, and I will continue to feel guilty about killing myself.
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self.depression
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Being healthy helped a little Now that I sit back and look at my depression, I guess I can say being healthy helped a little. By no means did it have as large an effect as I thought it would, but I guess the mental pain is easier to handle with less physical problems.
This is bit of a loose tangent, but has anyone had thoughts on meditation maybe helping with depression? If exercise could help ease our physical pain, could meditation be a type of mental exercise?
Or maybe I'm just so desperate to escape this that I'm becoming dillusional.
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self.depression
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Looking at 15 years of living paycheck to paycheck until I pay off my student loan [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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How am I supposed to get help if my job doesn’t let me? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Rubbed some chilli juice accidentally in my eyes and I'm not thinking about depression. Used to burn...
blah meh
*
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self.depression
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To those that lost hair on lamictal and stopped, what did you switch to? Definitely losing a fuckton of hair and it's fucking awful. Need to get off this asap, but need to set something up to switch to first. I know lithium also causes hair loss, but only in some. So I'm wondering if those who lose hair on lamictal also lose it on lithium.
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self.bipolar
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Psychiatrist question Hello all, I recently changed psychiatrists after a bout of in patient where I started new meds. I do not think they are working at all and it seems every time I go in, I have a hard time describing how I feel effectively to the psychiatrist. I believe this is impeding my progress. So I was wondering how do you guys prepare to see your psych doc and if you have any helpful tips on how to effectively put across points about emotions and thoughts when it seems like there is so many that it is hard to do so. Thank you in advance! 😀
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self.bipolar
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