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i miss being manic does anyone else ever feel this way? mania has done so much damage during my life when it got bad. spending too much money, starting relationships i'd never actually want and having to break up with them shortly after, pursuing goals that i later realized wasted so much of my time and energy because it isn't something i'd actually want in my right mind, skipping college classes because i couldn't sit still long enough, hooking up with multiple coworkers, etc.
but i miss the energy and creativity i get! i used to pull all nighters to write my stories and learn new songs on guitar or write my own. i would work out constantly and i was so in shape! granted, i wasn't eating or sleeping much, so it probably wasn't too healthy. but i was so very productive and i'd do great at work! everyone was always confused on how i could be so cheerful and energetic at literally all times, people always told me i was so pleasant, i was a social butterfly and i was in great shape.
does anyone else ever miss being manic? i've been on meds for 7 years now and i still get manic sometimes, but it's never as severe or as long as it used to be. i know it has awful consequences when it reaches its peak, but i miss how it felt during the fun incline to that point. it was like nothing in the world could stop me. i miss it :(
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self.bipolar
|
never held a girl's hand LOL that's how ugly i am
|
self.depression
|
Incredibly High Expectations are Killing Me and I Want Help I have a 4.0 GPA.
Editor-in-Chief of my schools newspaper
Head Drum Major of the marching band
Coordinator for a charity program
Officer for Speech and Debate
Secretary, Publicist for other clubs...
There was a point where I thought I could take and do all of this, you know? I thought I was going to maintain my GPA, do well in all my activities, and do something right in the world, but I haven't been able to get out of bed today, or take a shower in 4 days.
I'm a senior in high school, and I haven't even applied to any colleges or scholarships yet, but all the teachers and my peers think I have.
Everyone seems to assume that I'm okay, that I'm alright, that I'm doing just fine, but right now I want to kill myself because I'm a failing a good portion of my classes and not doing as well as I want to.
I feel like what's the point of trying anymore, in a system that could give less of a shit about you, the individual?
I was a teacher's pet, a "good student", but now all I want to do is escape. Leave. Get out of here.
It's frustrating, because I want to tell you who I am, and what I've done but right now...maybe I just need some reassurance?
I'm lost, and feeling lousy.
I'm supposed to working hard on things, but I don't remember that last time I've really WORKED hard at something.
I use to love playing my instruments, but even when I saw a song I wanted to play on the piano I couldn't even bring myself out of bed to go play it.
I just don't want to judged by myself anymore, my own brain, by my peers...it feels like if I don't meet the expectations of being this "perfect leader" or getting 4.0 they're all going to look down on me.
Even one of my favorite teachers, when I discussed with them what had been going on, just seemed to assume that I was gonna be fine and make it out, and still get a 4.0 or do really well at the next tournament...
I just don't want the pressure anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
It really fucking sucks Being constantly trapped in this neverending cycle of menial, boring, repetitive shit for the rest of my existence.
Guess this is the price you pay for being a fucking pussy your whole life. You wake up one day and you have that one revelation: "You missed out on everything cause you're a fucking insecure pussy, but now it's too late to do anything. Everyone's way ahead of you."
I have no one to talk to, nobody understands and they're all mindless zombies...but what I hate most is having to fucking pretend all the time that I'm ok so I won't get treated like shit.
I can't even fucking sleep anymore. I just wanna fucking burn everything to the ground. The sad part is that even if I did that and planned it perfectly I doubt I could even burn more than a city....more realistically, I probably couldn't even burn half of this shitty rented flat until someone came and ruined all the fun. Fuck you depression!
I can't fucking live like this, but I sure as hell can't die like this either.
I don't know what the fuck to do. Every time I tried opening up people just made me feel even worse about myself...I didn't even know that shit was possible.
I was ok for a bit, I don't know how, but I really was. I'm trying again, but it hurts so much and this mask has gotten so fucking heavy I can barely even pick it up again even if I know I have to if I ever wanna be ok again.
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self.depression
|
[Triumph / check-in] Finally managed to get an appointment for next week. Been two or three months off antidepressants now, and am desperately trying to keep it together between the waves of depression and anxiety. I have some expired anti-anxiety pills, but they only take the edge off.
Trying to do the baby steps method, but it's so hard to keep from freezing up and getting overwhelmed.
Could really use some coping techniques.
|
self.depression
|
Hello I’m loosing my mind I’m a little buzzed at the moment so bare with me on this. I drink to calm my anxiety and the racing thoughts in my head. Frikkin sue me. I keep having dreams about my ex who I experienced lots of sexual trauma with. I probably miss him. But we were toxic together. Sexual and emotional. I guess I miss that kind of lifestyle.. drugs and alcohol. But I only drink when I have off. It gives me a sense of relaxation that I haven’t found anywhere else yet. I’m 24 and a half I work at McDonald’s and I’m extremely shy and full of anxiety running through my body. I’ve been this way all my life. I used men to get that attention I never got as a teen from my dad. I’m edgy and I do love god. I cuss and I drink. But I still pray at the end of the night. Oh and I live in a small two ⭐️ star town. And I’m seeking to leave and explore but I don’t get paid that much. I miss having someone to lay next to me. Nothing sexual but just to lay next to me and be present with me. I believe in spiritual connections and friendship before anything. I hate that I drink in order to feel somewhat relaxed. It’s not a good habit to catch up on but it’s all I can think of. I have major trust issues and I’m scared of the world. I don’t know much besides this small town I’ve lived in for 24 years. I love my cat jaspurr. He’s probably my only friend. Everyone else I had to cut out due to bad lifestyles and partying. I wanted more than that I got exhausted from it. But I still kind of have that edgy ness too me. I believe in mistakes and learning. I’ve learned a lot so far in my life. And I’ll probably feel more. I do miss having someone to share my chaotic life with. But I’m really good at pushing people away and always loose myself in them. I’ve been single now since august 2016 and it’s been a battle because I like to seek attention mainly when I’m alone or late at night because I’m a night owl. It’s a bad habit that doesn’t get me anywhere but shame. So I’m trying to break that cycle of behavior. I deserve more and I know that now. But it’s hard to find someone who can deal with me. Mentally and emotionally. All the anxiety attacks and reassurance and fears of the world. I hope one day it’ll come in the most beautiful precious way. I shall be waiting. I still have hope but it’s just so hard to be patient. I’ve been through a lot physically and I just want to be taken care of in a sensitive passionate way. I still have things to work on mentally. Trust and to see the clear picture. But for now I will stand on my feet and walk and run and do things for myself until it comes. I feel like I’m whining like a small child. I just want so much more and yet I’m still haunted by my horrible past...
|
self.Anxiety
|
Potential anxiety issue I have a minor heart issue (PVCs) that, from time to time, can trigger lightheadedness. I've been to a cardiologist who advised me to see a psychologist bc my symptoms are larger than they should be. He believes I'm dealing with anxiety brought on by the PVCs, work,and/or the fact that I'm about to be a 1st time father. My symptoms are lightheadedness, weak legs, tight chest, & a feeling that my throat is tightening. I'm worried that a health issue (underlying) is causing this issue (cancer, heart issue, etc.) even though I've been given a clean bill of health. When I think about this or exacerbates my symptoms. I'm asking this bc the psychologist I've been advised to see (highly recommended) can't see me until the new year. Does this sounds like anxiety? What are some things anyone w anxiety have learned to help alleviate? Thanks in advance
Edit: also when I'm focused on something the symptoms diminish
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self.Anxiety
|
My story dating a girl who slowly turned into a feminazi. I'm pissed off and confused. I wish this was a joke or a troll but no.
Little bit of backstory:
I met this chick at a convenience store (yeah, real flattering, I know) and just kept talking ever since (About a year ago). She slowly started drifting into an extremely heavy feminazi mindset. The kind that tend to say "all men _____". I literally witnessed how she went from cutesy small girl to don't fk with me small (oh wait, I can't use this word because it's offensive to say women are small! According to her, at least) I recently broke up with her after I couldn't take any more of her bullshit.
I once gave her a gift (the girl I dated in question) for our 3rd month together. It was an ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL (and expensive) short blue dress. I also bought her her sanitary pads since her period was coming soon and medicine for the sniffles which she had that week (this was the first time I’d bought things she needed), along with some roses and a hand written note. She immediately started questioning me on why I bought her pads and then started yelling at me because she kept exclaiming she didn’t need anyone to do her own shopping and that she didn't need pads (Yes, for real… this kind of people exist) and threw the box of pads in the garbage right in front of me, saying she'd get herself her own if she'd ever want to not "freebleed" (I don't even want to know). She then lectured me about how girl stuff is girl stuff, proceeded to say nothing about the dress or the note, and left to her room. She didn’t let me in. Then I heard her rip the note because, must I quote, “I made her seem weak and like she needed me” (apparently calling someone cute and saying she completes me and I felt like I completed her was looking down on her) and I was tired of her shit at that point so I just left her house and never contacted her again. Two days go by and I get a super angry text at like 3 am (it was in all caps, go figure) saying that I was objectifying her by making her wear a short dress "meant to seduce men" so she did the logical thing and burned it, or at least that's what she said she did, which I wouldn't believe for a second. In case you were wondering, I didn't respond.
Literally the only thing she's not done yet is to shave off half her hair and paint it some weird color.
|
self.offmychest
|
Guilty about things that I can't help I've just began my second semester of college. Making friends/enjoying free time has been pretty hard for me thus far. I can still have fun, but it seems whenever I'm alone that I begin to feel painfully sad. My dad has been out a job for years now due to the field he's in and my mom dreads every second that she works. My grandfather is coping with the loss of my grandmother, and it bothers me that I can't be there for him all that much. My childhood dog also seems to be nearing his death. I want to stay at school over the weekend and have fun like others, but I can't help but feel terrible about the situation back home.
All I have right now really is my parents and my girlfriend. I don't want to worry my parents because my mom is already plenty stressed and my dad has been depressed about how he can't provide for us like he used to. I talk to my girlfriend but it's kind of hard for her to understand. Plus she has a sister that has attempted suicide and I know that depression is a touchy subject for her.
I'm always worried about something throwing my family off of the deep end financially and its potential consequences. I hate that my parents are always miserable. I feel stuck right now. I'm really just using this to vent because I haven't been able to. Seeing all of these people supporting each other was a nice sight though.
|
self.depression
|
Panicking in my sleep Hi guys, I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this. When I'm really, truly panicking about something (these episodes usually last a few days) it doesn't stop even when I'm asleep. I have vivid dreams/nightmares about whatever I'm anxious about, almost to the point where it feels like it's really happening. When I wake up from these dreams I feel physically stressed out and exhausted, I even sometimes wake up with a migraine (which I get anyways when I'm anxious or stressed).
I just wanted to see if anyone else has dealt with panicking like this and what they did to prevent it. When it's happening I honestly feel as if I can't stop it and I have to wait the ~week or so it takes to pass. Thanks guys :)
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don't know what to do. I can't think without even having this sensation of emptiness. I have only one good friend who'll stick by my side, but I can't continue living this life anymore. My life is an endless cycle of keeping with my parents' standards and expectations, but I always fail to meet up with them. I'll never have a partner in my life because of my dull personality, my confidence is always low because I'm not the most handsome dude. All these problems cloud my head on a daily basis, and I don't have any solutions to them. I'm really considering suicide as my way out; I plan to kill my self on January 6, 2018. I'll write a letter to my closest friends and family before I go. I'm just so tired of living like this.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My Partner wants to go on a Break. NaW I dont really want advice. Just examples of how this situation may have played out for others.
So, ive been with my girl a year and a half, She is adorable and I am completely in love with her, we've just moved into our new house together and ive just gotten a new job, My life was perfect. The day after we moved into our new house, she told me she wanted to find herself, and i was cool with that. What i didn't know, was that that meant i wasn't in the picture anymore. At least for the time being in her words.
I dont really know where i stand. One second she tells me not to leave, the next shes telling me im not giving her space. She cuddles me in bed, but then she doesn't want me to even rest my leg on hers when were watching TV.
Im confused and i have no idea what to do or say.
She told me one thing originally "that she wants to find herself and be more sociable" that to me meant she wanted to explore other options but gave the relationship the title "break" to have a fallback plan. I was obviously mad for ages. Then she changed her story to "I've had to support you financially for the last year and you scare me" which i completely agree with, she helped me out a lot, my Student loans got cut in half after i signed a 12 month tenancy to a new flat, and lucky my loan covered it for the year but that left nothing for food, ect. And she was amazing with helping out and i have never and will never forget how much she helped. I even told her now ive got my full time job ill pay her back whatever savings ive spent the last year as ill be earning 5x what i was previously. As for the Scaring thing, she got me mad once on a video game and i walked up to her telling her to leave me alone and she SWEARS i raised my fist to her but i would never do that, and she knows why. To this day i promise i never raised my fist to her, and if it looked like that then it was me holding the pad high as i walked so i didn't trip on the Head Phone wire and the situation was misread. But you see, i dont know why this is happening, what i can do to fix it, what i did in the first place or what shes actually thinking
Anyway.
Were living together still, but im at my friends house for a few days right now to give her the space she wants, I told her i didn't want to go but i feel i have to, and she said "then stay, dont go" making me think she wanted me to stay, but ive been here for 2 days now and shes not once messaged me first. Admittedly i told her to use the time to have her space and texting all the time would make the space meaningless, BUT when i have messaged her, she doesnt add Kisses or anything. shes blunt and i feel unwanted.
She tells her friends im annoying her and she uninvited me to Xmas with her father when she was angry (which she said sorry for) but i dont know what to think anymore.
I love her, but my friends are telling me im being an idiot.
She told me she isn't definitely getting back with me after the "break" but also that she isn't breaking up with me. She hasn't told her parents or mine that were on a break in case we dont break up so they dont think our relationship is rocky.
There are so many things that make me feel positive but so many which make me think there is no hope.
I just want to stop feeling so lost and alone.
i dont want anyone to think shes a bad person, shes literally the nicest girl ive ever met, like people always say "omg *****i feel sorry for you" because im outgoing and shes so nice in public (shes hilarious at home) but at home shes so loving to our cat, and she loves the attention from me, the usual girly stuff, "youre cute" etc.
I just dont know what im supposed to do in this situation, ive never been in it before.
Is a break "i want to break up with you but im doing it nicely" or is it "i actually want to find myself and improve our relationship" or is it "i wanna fuck other people because youre the only person ive slept with"
i dont know what to think.....Im Lost. Alone and everyones telling me to bin her off. but i dont want advice from friends, i dont want opinions or judgments from co-workers. I just want to Tell someone who isnt going to tell me what to do.
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self.offmychest
|
If I get evicted tomorrow, I'm going to kill myself. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Superpowers? Nah, not the “depression superpowers”
I’m talking about before you were depressed. Did you feel like you had perception super powers? Social super powers?
I felt like I had extreme sensibilities and emotional intelligence about the world and I miss it soooo much. :(
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self.depression
|
Has anyone had luck with being able to read when depressed? I'm looking for advice, if anyone could help.
I'm in a moderate depressive episode (bipolar 1 here) and I'm having a very difficult time concentrating. I want to be able to read a book so that I can distract myself from all the negative thoughts, but I can't, for the life of me, get past the first page of any book. It doesn't matter how interesting it sounds or how well it's written. It seems that my negative thoughts are "louder" than a book when I read the words in my head.
Is there anything that helps you?
Edit: I know audiobooks can help, but I have a bunch of books laying around that I should try reading
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self.depression
|
Remembering Her So to give context about who I am. Im a 21 yr old guy who lives with his parents and stays inside playing video games/ browsing the internet all day. I do have a job but not much of a life or goals.. or friends lol.
Anyways, So this all happened years ago. So lets talk about her. I knew her through my parents because our parents where friends. We are both the same age. We didn't really grow up together though our family did visit each other maybe once a year. I did not think much of her until one visit back in December of 2015. We where 16 and my family had dropped by her place for a visit before christmas.
It was a short visit, me and her chatted and watched tv. I recently got into anime (not into it anymore) and found out she was very much interested in it as well. I found more interest in her, knowing we shared something we both loved. I also started feeling different about her, less of a family friend and more of a potential gf.
She mentioned a convention going on the following year. It sounded interesting so I said we should go together, she was more than happy to go with me.
So fast forward to the convention. We met up spent the weekend together at the convention. Being my first con and spending time with her had to be one of the most memorable experiences in my life. After the con ended we returned back home (she lives in a different city). Spending that time with her wasn't only a blast but grew my attraction towards her even more.
So after the convention we got into contact with each other via internet/text. We would chat day in and day out, never stopped until we had to sleep. A month or so after the con I confessed to her that I had a crush on her and she said she felt the same. Unfortunately she had already told another guy that she'd go out with him.
Of course I was upset but it did not slow my drive. I still believed I would have a shot if they decided to split. Now... that same month my family went to visit hers. We planned to spend the night and go to an amusement park the next day. That day she acted a bit differently.
I was dropped off at her place and our parents went out to do some shopping. As soon as they left she broke out the booze. We had a only rum and coke but not enough to get drunk, just buzzed. She then started to flirt with me sexually and me being a hormone driven teen flirted back.
One thing led to another and we started making out on the couch and all that jazz (no actual sex but very close). She had her hands all over me and I was enjoying my first time doing anything with a girl (never even kissed or touched a girl sexually until that point).
After that day my drive couldnt be stopped. I had developed a sort of emotional attachment to her and wanted her to be mine. I kept chasing that dream for years. Went through a 3 month relationship with another girl and still flirted/sexted with her. She never refused the attention and gave some back once in a while. Even though she was seeing someone else.
Of course that 3 month relationships was only 3 months. Anyhow, it wasn't all fun and games with her for very long. After about year from the couch action she ceased any advancements and plopped me into the friend zone. I was blind to this of course so I kept pushing it. Even when she said no.
I tried making advances in person whenever I went to see her but they all failed. A year after that she broke it off with her bf. I was about 17 at the time. I kept chasing after that dream in my head. I imagined her being the one for me and thought my shot was nearing. october of 2014 she suddenly jumped into a relationship with another guy.
Me being the friendzoned kid who never got a chance to be with her and wasted 2 years of my life chasing her got very upset. I fought with her and called her every name in the book. I threatened to take my life and ceased contact. Obviously I was just an angry kid. Though it still fractured our already toxic relationship even further.
After I settled down we talked things over. Me not knowing I was so emotionally dependent talked myself into being mentally unstable and sought councilling. I attended councilling for a few months but eventually stopped going.
After the first huge fight when she got into a relationships would be followed by many small but still intense fights (all over text of course, since we barely saw each other in person). I decided that we should just cut ties because it was hard on the both of us. She wanted a friendship since I was one of her closest friends abd I was after a relationship.
It took me some time to stop thinking about her every day. Now a days I dont think about her unless my mind has a dream about her, wich happens one or two times a month. Ive only had that one 3 month relationship and nothing else.
I tend to curse her in my mind. Blaming myself for not being more direct from the start and missing opportunities and her from leading me on in the beggining and not telling me what she wanted. Anyways, thats it from me.
Tldr: family friend turned to close friend. One time fling turned to friendzone. Relationship turned toxic. The end
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self.offmychest
|
25 years, never had a job, lazy, no objectives and I pushed away everyone in my life And also got overweight in the last 4 or 5 years. Hello People, hope you are feeling better than me. So title says a lot.
I finished college 2 years ago (game design) I can't code a line to save my life. Decided to be an "artist". So obviously didn't got hired in anything.
Everytime I open photoshop and try to be productive it just feels meaningless.
I don't want to go out and waste money, especially since the money is not mine. So I ended up pushing everyone away end up without friends.
When I went to therapy I got a "try to drink a tea to sleep, this is just a normal artist lack of inspiration, it will pass" So I don't want to go back any soon.
Every day is the same, I'm breaking down right now, Being wake like a lot of people just feels heavy, I can't find joy in anything, focus in anything, I just want this voice saying to end it all stops. Sorry for the ranting and the English. Thanks for reading it all.
|
self.depression
|
I don't know how to be happy. A little background;
* I'm 24
* I almost had a degree in CS (dropped out during the final 2 months out of 30 month course due to depression)
* Diagnosed with Dysthymia
* Currently unemployed
* Living "paycheck" to "paycheck" (unemployment benefits) with basically no money left each month.
I spend most of my time online, whether it be gaming or just watching a movie or something. I'm sort of a boring person, I don't really do much like going out to parties & such.
A couple of months ago I met this girl. One of the rare ones, where I didn't feel like I had to put up a facade in order to make her like me. She didn't judge me for my shitty situation, and we've been vigorously texting ever since, trying to find a date to meet again.
Today she told me there's not gonna be anything between me and her, and (cringy as it may sound) it basically broke my heart. I hate the fact that I have to try so hard in social interactions, and she made it feel so easy. On top of that, she is hot as hell.
It just feels like every time I open up to someone I get hurt, and I hate it.
I don't know what to do at this point. It's 2:30 pm and I'm drunk. I hate my life (When written, crossposting from my own topic on /r/advice. 2:30 am now, still drunk).
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self.depression
|
Please I really need someone to talk to. What will happen if I call the suicide line? I don't want them to call the police [deleted]
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self.depression
|
For the first time in a while I actually like living. God damn that's some nice progress.
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self.depression
|
Dear NSFW Dear NSFW,
Reddit titties save my life during poop breaks at work, thank you.
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self.offmychest
|
Just feel alone. Just need a place to vent and release years of pent up depression. Sorry if this is the wrong place, and sorry for bad grammar I'm on mobile.
I'm currently 19 in my second year of college, and I feel completely alone and no one I feel cares if I live or die anymore.
The main beginning was probably around when I was 6 or 7, I was an outgoing kid with friends and everything was great. Than my family decoded to move. Lost all my friends and I closed up no more outgoing kid. I stayed inside all summer and during the school year never talked to anyone. My parents tried to help got me in baseball and stuff but never connected with anybody. Middle school came and went with no real improvement to anything. Than highschool started. Someone approached me told me to join wrestling thought I would be good fit. They asked me to lift with them and everyday they talked to me and became my friend. Joined the team and I finally had friends. Life looked good. I was starting to be happy... then senior year came. A week befor school the coach left and all my friends that were on the team split. The next day my mom takes me outside and told me she's leaving my dad.
I remember that day so clearly still. We talked by the fire pit she told me why, how she was unhappy and had to go for awhile. I didn't get outside I just hurt. I went in and took a shower. Just alone now. Crying felt like the world was caving in. I didn't know where to go. I just cried in the shower. My dad came home and my mom told him she was leaving. He yelled and stormed off. Then she left shortly after. I was home alone. That was my first attempt. I remember how hard it was to tie the rope. Tears blocked my eyes and it was a mess. I just wanted my life to be over. I hung it up on my closet and attempted to hang myself. I failed my rope skills where shit. And just cried. Senior year came and so did my start to cutting myself. Razor blades and I got a knife. Sharper then a razor and lasted longer. I never cut to deep. And it left little to no scars. But I know where I cut. I remember every single time I did it. How good it felt after the burning the warmth. Fuck I miss it. By the end of senior year I still didn't apply to college or have an idea. Parents pressured me to do something. So I went to a community college. I finally met someone. Online but only lived a few hours away. We met up and it clicked. It worked and I started to become happy again. She gave me strength to keep going. Make a new friend. Do stuff. She was my first of many things. Because growing up I was alone alot I never had a gf till then. I was in love. We skyped, we had a good time things worked well. We were happy. She than started college to. That's when it started to chamge. She got busy and I gave her space. Guys started to hit on her and she never got such attention in hs. It made me upset to see her with so many guys that liked her and we talked. She said we would work and didn't want to end things. Planned on meeting up still for a break. The next day she cheated on me. Slept in the guys room and did stuff.. it was over. Alone again. Months have passed and nothing has changed. I tried so hard to meet new people do new thingd. And it doesn't work. No matter what I do people leave shortly after. Friends leave. And I'm alone. Tonight I wanna kill myself again. I don't know who would care if I'm gone anymore. My dad maybe. Mom is across the country and last time we spoke was a quick text on new years. I'm at the end. I'm alone inside and just want the pain to stop.
I'm tired so fucking tired of being this way.
Sorry, if it's not supposed to be here. Just sad.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
When is it time to get serious help? I'll condense this as best I can.
3 years ago I graduated high school and went to college that fall. Within a month of going to college, 2 of my best friends moved away, my girlfriend of over two years and I split, and I failed my first courses. It set off a chain reaction cycle of depression.
Over the past three years I've had serious spells of depression where I just feel absolutely defeated from the moment I open my eyes in the morning until I close them at night. I've sought out counseling on two separate occasions but honestly, I found very little value in either stint.
Fast forward to today, I'm very busy with work and school, but just feel incredibly alone and isolated. I've always worked "behind the scenes" and have done well on my own, even when I was in a serious relationship. Nowadays I just feel, well, dead inside.
Is it time to go see my PCP and talk about anti-depressants? Taking mind-altering meds have always terrified me, but I don't know if I'm doing myself any favors by being in this cyclical pattern of depression.
Any input is appreciated.
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self.depression
|
Talking to children about bipolar How do you talk to your children about your disease at each level of their development? I have a 3 year old who is starting to really notice when I’m depressed, and asking if it’s something that they’ve done. I’ve tried saying that I just get sad sometimes, but I’m not sure if that’s enough, and how to broach it a she gets older. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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self.bipolar
|
Lost all the passion in life I wonder if any of you have the same feeling as me. I am now 25 and have been living a 9-5 routine life for around 3 years after graduating from uni. I just don't know what is the point for continuing a life like this, why do I have to wake up early every single morning and head to the office. I mean, seems I have become a walking dead and living a life without any purpose. My hobbies (football, photography) are not amusing as they used to be. All I want is to lay in my bed and do nothing after a long day in the office. I no longer look forward to another day and I even think that it is okay to end my life right now because I do know what I should do with my life and the purpose of it. To me, living is suffering.
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self.depression
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Im in need of a hotline/text line for anxiety asap What's a good 24/7 anxiety hotline? I'm hitting a seriously brutal point right now and need to talk to someone. It's 1am here so no one I know is awake currently.
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self.depression
|
I'm asked to open up by friends but I cant. [Vent] I'm not sure if this is the best place to post. I just really need to vent and would love some advice if possible. I apologise if this isn't the best place, and if someone could point me towards the right subreddit to post, I would greatly appreciate it.
A few weeks ago, I went completely off social media. Didn't tell anyone, just told my boyfriend a minute before leaving. I deleted all apps I had, shut down my phone, and just isolated myself completely. Everything was getting too much to handle for me, I had to force myself to talk to people, I forced myself to get up everyday and smile and laugh, when all I really wanted to do was just curl into a ball and cry. It was getting too hard to keep everything in me, and I realized I needed to get away before I hurt anyone by dumping all my problems onto them.
This lasted for very little, though. The first day, my friends came over, forced me out of bed and made me get back on social media. They said that I can't just isolate myself when things get tough, and they're their for me, and that my boyfriend was fucking freaking out because he thought he had done something wrong and was beating himself up for it. That's what got me back on.
After talking to him, he asked me to open up more. That he wants to help me and be there for me, and he wouldn't leave me like that, no matter how hard things get. He knows what I'm dealing with, and has been a great help, but I realized I couldn't keep dumping everything onto him, and I started to close off more. He wants me to stop doing that.
Problem is, I've made a mask at this point. In school, I'm known as the happy, loud, social, carefree girl who's always laughing. When in reality, all I want to do is just get away from everything, and just be alone. The social expectations put on me are exhausting, but I need to keep going to stay relevant, otherwise I'll lose everyone I love. Social interaction fucking frightens me, too many people and too much noise gives me bad sensory overload, but I keep pushing through it. I can't pull that mask off now, after everyone expects me to be outgoing and all that.
With my boyfriend, I've never been very affectionate. I rarely tell him I love him, if I'm in a cuddly mood I just give him a hug and that's it, I've never been the type to be all like cheesy and all lovey dovey. I faked that, too, because I know that in all honestly, he would never love the cutesy, cuddly, affectionate me. Yet, he keeps telling me to stop faking everything, and be myself, but i know I can't. I'll end up pushing him away.
I'm lying to everyone I know about who I am, and it's killing me, but I know I'll lose everyone if I show them who I truly am. I can't show them the true me, I will really lose everyone I love.
If you've read this far, thanks. I'm sorry if this isn't the right subreddit, it's just the one place I'm on often. Please point me to the right direction if not. I just really needed to vent.
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self.depression
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For the last 14-15 years, I had the same Dec 31 tradition of doing the things I love all day for good luck. This year I just cant be bothered. If how you enter a year affects the rest of it, I thought its only natural to do great things all day (like watching fav movie, listening to fav song, reading few pages from fav book etc).
But I had such crappy few years lately that I let go of my good luck thing. Its just an insane rush all year, commuting, working, dealing with awful people, looking forward to weekend then being too tired to go out. Whats the point....
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self.offmychest
|
First day on Zoloft and I can't ejaculate I can't believe it how fast it started since I took it 5 hours ago. I'm on 50MG but will it return back to normal in 4 weeks. I heard it's normal when you start the mess first.
I can get hard but I can't finish...
Taking for depression
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self.Anxiety
|
I wish I would've lived my life when I still could .....but now my life, my health, is stuck in a spiral which is drawing closer to the final exit. At the beginning of this, I was the only one who was still optimistic about my health. I could, I had made peace and could finally think clear since half a year, I was finally happy, and I didn't think i would fall ill so suddenly and without reason forever.
I kept trying, trying to get to a doctor, to hospitals, I kept being optimistic.
"Next birthday I will be alright again"
"By christmas they will find something"
A second christmas has passed by now.
A second birthday.
last summer was the last time I have seen a doctor, I was at a hospital where they ended up shrugging in confusion, set me to a therapist.
I have been in therapy since then, but my health just keeps declining... not only does my body feel miserable now, but over the past months....
I don't know what to do anymore, I feel trapped in a bad drama that won't end....
So much was planned, I was just starting... I was 18... the most important age, youth...I had just gotten a place in an art school... now I am 20, I only weigh 40kg by now, well, I lost the first 15kg in the first 1-2 months but.... you don't get used to seeing, and feeling this skeleton of a body.
I am in debt, can't do a job, can't even go to school like I always wanted.
Even if someone pops up and finds the cause, being underweight this long sure has taken a toll on my body... my best years went down the drain, I have no real hope left for a successfull career, especially in a field I want. My family wont allow me to keep going to school, as they want me to get a job.
Or what if it ends up being non-treatable? Or maybe I am truly a lost case?
I don't know why this has to happen to me... I don't know what to do anymore.. I feel so helpless and miserable, I just want to get out of here, out of here, somewhere where I don't feel like this anymore, but in this body, on this planet, there seems to be no such place.
I wish I had been less blind in my teeage years before this started, I wish I had done more, gone to other countries, started a career early, seen the things that count when I had the chance.
I always wanted to leave a mark on this world, but now I find myself lost, like a newborn abandoned in the forest, left with no option. No weapon to keep fighting, not even a path I could walk on.
I wish I had lived.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Not Noticed l recently read that the worst feeling is being the one not chosen. I disagree. It's being the one not noticed and continually overlooked!!!
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self.depression
|
Thank you Reddit for no help at all. Tried posting on here a few times, hoping I'd get some advice or support. But no one bothers. Sure, I'll admit it: I want some attention... because IT HELPS. And what's so bad about that? Some people are judgmental to the point where they ridicule people for wanting attention in a time of need. Well guess what? It can help knowing there are people out there who acknowledge your existence.
Edit: Wow lol at least I'm getting what I asked for now. Thanks peeps for the support <3
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self.depression
|
Serious: what can you do with a unique, legit situation? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I just want to share a piece of my life [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Depression is like your thoughts control you I don't why I feel detached from me and my mind. It seems like they are two different things. Just thinking it horrible for me.
It seems like a fight between a mind that want to live with a body that wants to die.😞😞😞
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self.depression
|
Anyone else experience hair loss or a change in hair texture with Lamictal? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
DAE become inconsolable after being scolded/yelled at? Today I was scolded at work and had a complete anxiety attack. Managed to suck it up for my last hour there but I've been sobbing on and off for at least 5 hours
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self.Anxiety
|
After 8 years, I might end it all I've been suicidal on and off for the past 8 years. Last time I tried to end it all was the 18th December 2015 and i thought was gonna be the last time. I was wrong. After that attempt and two more before I think I've finally had too much of this hideous world. There's no one and nothing left for me here. I guess I'm posting here to see if anyone could talk me out of it. I already know that's not the case. But it's worth a try
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I need advice, do I take inpatient services? I haven't managed to live a normal life since grade 8, irregular sleep patterns, inconsistent school that has lead to an alternative school that I haven't attended since September. I leave the house twice a week at most, and only to work my part time job at a grocery store...I have so many things I want to do and achieve but I find myself overcome with constant depression. I used to cry for hours for no reason before I was put on meds, now I don't feel anything at all... I want to do things but have no motivation whatsoever to actually follow through... I know it seems like a no brainer to take the help, but I've been in programs before and they do nothing for me... Honestly i'm waiting for my parents to kick me out so I can just kick the bucket in a way where I wont be found... Sorry for rambling i just feel so confused and dejected...
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self.depression
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Coming out the other side I made and deleted a post yesterday about something that had my mind reeling. I couldn't get a handle on my emotions, even though they were/are incorrect.
I decided late last night to try drowning my feelings in vodka and pills.
I'm awake today. (I didn't really sleep last night, just laid there in some vodka-and-pill-induced trance).
Been drinking water now.
Am I weak? Why can't I just handle myself and control my feelings?
I don't want what my mind is telling me I want...
I lied. Yeah, just then. I'll do it again, too.
I *really* don't want it.
What I want is water, coffee, food, and maybe a non-alcoholic treat.
Also lies.
I'm dying to get completely fucked up/shitfaced.
I had to go to a wedding. I'm not over my failed engagement.
She was the one person I'd still talk to while I was addicted... the only reason I decided to get sober.
No, we don't talk anymore. No, I can't reach out.
And thinking about my emotions and what I could've accidentally conveyed to my family members, I feel like my organs are outside of my body.
In my defense, someone I couldn't shut down cornered me the day before this for a "talk" that pretty much just dug up years of painful memories.
I sweated through two shirts and a thick jacket before eventually pretending to be asleep.
The damage was sort of done. I got so anxious and tired. When I finally got a chance to be alone in the shower, I just bawled for for ten minutes (very uncharacteristic of me). Then I was still there for the rest of the weekend, kind of fucked up and more unstable than normal...
I don't know.
Good morning, I'm taking a shot.
Nothing hard liquor can't solve.
EDIT: I have to work later today, so I'm going to quit being a little bitch and suck it up in time for that.
I should probably work on my positive self-talk. But I'm also a little bitch.
EDIT2: This is hardly relevant, but I've had two shots and a bowl of dinosaur oatmeal for breakfast. Just wanted to share the absurdity, I guess.
EDIT3: I'm burning down while shedding some sadness. Not sure if it's better or not. Sometimes it's good to think about things from a different perspective. I had several old wounds sliced open all at once. My guts are still on the floor in front of me. I am attempting to pick up my organs, put them back where they go, and sew myself up again.
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self.bipolar
|
Im seeing the life fade out of you and it kills me that there's nothing i can do about it you're so far away ,and nothing i can say will make you feel better no matter how hard i try
i always thought that i can atleast make you feel a little better but seeing you so..cold, and remembering all the good times we had is just killing me i cant sleep i cant think of anything..everything around me reminds me of you but you dont even want to talk to me anymore ..i'd sacrifice everything i have just to make you feel better..im so sorry for how useless i am im so so sorry
i wish i could take the first plane to you and wrap my arms around you tightly and tell you everything would be okay if you just stick around..we can solve this
i wish i could tell you this and tell you how much you mean to me..but i tried..and you dont care ,it changes nothing..im not as important to you as you're to me but i dont mind i wish you'd be happy even if you wouldnt talk to me again..goddammit i cant stop thinking about you..i'm so tired
If time travelling was possible i wish i could go back just two months..start over, maybe if i did things differently it would have just changed things ever so slightly that we wouldnt be here today
but i'd have still talked to you, even if it means i'd be here again 2 months later feeling like total shit
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self.offmychest
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I want to get married High school in the closet is lonely to say the least, I just want to find someone that I really care about and cares about me. Prom this year is going to really suck, but I know it's coming so maybe it won't be too bad. I'm just looking forward to the day I can be myself. Does it get better?
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self.offmychest
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The worst feeling is when you finally get everything you thought would make you happy, and you’re still fucking miserable.
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self.depression
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Goodbye I'm going to buy a rope tomorrow and wait until Tuesday night to hang myself. I'm going to write a few suicide notes for my parents and wife. Hopefully it hurts my parents but I honestly doubt that it will. I'm completely done with this life and it can't be worse at least I'll be in a better place whether it's heaven or hell.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Just started Bupropion Hi, I just started Bupropion (the generic Wellbutrin) and I was wondering if anyone here has tried it before. I am not sure what to expect or when to expect to feel it “kick in.” Hoping it helps! If you’ve tried it before, what was your experience?
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self.depression
|
Don't know if this is depression Three years ago my dad died, it hardly feels like three weeks. It's like everything else in my life is so insignificant in comparison, it's like a black hole that distorts my perception of time. It's as if time passes 100x faster since it and everything before it is so long ago.
People say that after a major event in their life everything feels categorised into before and after it but to me it feels like things that are it and not, but most of them are.
People have been telling me since then that I probably have depression and should maybe get help but that's mostly just from seeing me because I don't open up. I feel like I've just always been a little gloomy and don't feel very different now compared to before other than the whole bending of time thing. People say they noticed a change in me, but I didn't, maybe they just expect something like that to mess up a 14 year old?
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self.depression
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"It's strange. I felt less lonely when I didn't know you." [deleted]
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self.depression
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Anxiety the WOT Here's my anxiety "story"
It all started around a month ago, (yup very short time people who deal with this for years I really admire and am shocked by what you guys are coping with how it's absolutely crazy.) Anyway a month ago I got a girl pregnant, I was fine for about a week after finding out and then suddenly one day in the gym get some crazy ass tunnel vision and have my first ever panic attack, it only lasts around 16 seconds I go do a shit and then I'm struck with derealisation for the next few days, I have this background anxiety and it makes me go home and I basically lay in bed for the next few days unable to sleep, grind my teeth when I do sleep having really fucked up dreams. Then one night I have a full blown panic attack that lasted for 3 hours I couldn't breathe (thought I punctured a lung) I couldn't calm down almost rang myself an ambulance. Some how managed to distract myself and fell asleep. The next day I go to the doctors and he tells me I have acute anxiety which, almost cures me for a little because I was worrying about having schizophrenia, also the thing with my girlfriend passes we both agree on the best decision for both of us. I'm back to myself for a week. Then one day I have another minor attack, freaks me out for the night and I couldn't stop my mind for racing. ******** HERES WHERE IT GETS BAD*******
So the next day I go to school I study psychology and some how I start thinking about schizophrenia again, boom I get superrrrrrrrrrrrr paranoid about having schizophrenia and have heavy derealisation all I did for the next few days was read about schizophrenia, made me worse and worse couldn't stop my mind form just racing couldn't switch off jut kept going and going felt like my brain was screaming at me. For the next like 3 days it was just not stop anxiety it was hell, it comes to the weekend and it's still there I have to constantly reassure myself or "ground" myself to assure myself I'm okay and that nothing is happening. Then slowly it fades somehow and I no longer am so paranoid, might even still be schizophrenic never know 😂the worst part was through all of this I had so many visual things that just made it worse, like the adrenaline from the anxiety made my vision super clear like literally crystal clear, I couldn't eat (keep in mind I was on a bulk so I'd have to eat loads a day) I'd have eye floater which made me think I was hallucinating, everything made me worse and worse, but it's almost as if I went through grief and just said fuck it, if I go insane I want to be happy life is too short. Since then I've never been the same, I have to stay away from sugar so I don't fuel my mind to race. I can't get back to sleeping well I used to sleep great, and the smallest things can make me freak the fuck out, but to calm down I literally have to just say fuck it and hope for the best.
To anyone suffering with GAD: YOU ARE THE STRONGEST MOST ADMIRABLE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD AND SHOULD NEVER BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED! Stay strong and I hope you find some peace and joy in life, one of my scariest thoughts is being never finding happiness or being the same again. You people are amazing.
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self.Anxiety
|
Spent all day in bed yesterday and now I'm up in the middle of the night My husband made me really mad yesterday. He took the cat that was cuddling with me and held him up to the dog's face and yelled get him. The dog put the cat's head in his mouth and then he took it out and they went and played. It really made me mad so I yelled and my husband was just like blah blah that is how they play, not thinking for once that the kitten was snuggling with me and I don't like it when he encourages rough play even if they both like it. It scares me.
So I spent all day in bed daydreaming about how he left me for another woman and we got divorced and lots of details. I only came out when he had left the house to spend time with my son. I wasn't sleeping but I was daydream sleeping.
Anyway now it is the middle of the night and I'm wide awake. I think this will just contribute more to my instability. I didn't message a person back yet because I knew I would snap at them.
Plus my husband lost the bipolar book I got for him to read. He just ignored me all day when he could have reacted in a different way but he hasn't read the book and obviously doesn't care because now he lost it.
If he had a disease I would learn as much as I could about it.
He even said that because I'm sick and he isn't he doesn't have the luxury to not worry about stuff and stay in bed all day. It wasn't a luxury to me, it was very painful.
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self.bipolar
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Need to put what I've been feeling into words I don’t know if this is the right place to post this, it just seemed like place that seemed the most relevant to what I’m feeling.
Some background, I'm a third year college student in the studying english and I have a part time job. This has been goin on for about a year now. I find myself not being able to bring myself to go to class, I tell myself every day that I'm going to go, that this day is different, but I just can't do it. I have such a hard time dragging myself out of bed, or doing things that I like, how can I tell myself to go do something that I know I won't enjoy at all.
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The other problem is that I cant bring myself to do work for a class, the mere thought of it makes me sick, I don't know what is wrong with me but I just can't. think. at. all. It's the worst feeling like i go to do some homework and I freeze up, my hands won't move and i just kinda sit there doing nothing for multiple hours at a time, not even thinking just staring a blank screen with one or two words written down when I should have so much more done. I eventually just drift off into doing something mind-numbing like youtube or video games I've already beaten a couple of times. The worst part for me is that it wasn't always like this, in high school I used to be able to do work just fine, I didn't have this strong aversion to school work back then, I have no idea what happened. Since high school I also quickly went out of shape, to the point where I feel terrible about my body, I used to be able to exercise just fine and have fun with it, now i can only exercise for a fraction of the time before I get winded and everything starts hurting.
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The reason I'm here is because I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to, all of my old friends have split off and I rarely talk to them, and all of my current friends are currently in college with me, doing well at harder stuff like engineering or Bio, next to them I feel like such an utter failure. Its not their fault, I haven't told anyone how much I'm struggling through this, and i don't know if I can bring myself to tell anyone about it. I really don't think my friends will understand, and my family has been telling me i need to go to college my whole life, and now I'm here and just failing at it, miserably. I feel like all I've been able to accomplish at college is disappointing those around me, and I can't bring myself to tell them how much I really do hate being here and feeling terrible.
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I have no idea what to do about any of this, I'm too scared to talk to anyone about what I'm going through, just terrified of having to talk to anyone about how I can't seem to do anything, and I have absolutely no clue as to what I can do to help myself get out of this, i need help but I don't know who to go to because no matter what I'll feel like I'm being judged, they'll just call me lazy and tell me to get my shit together, because that's the only thing this looks like to me, but it feels so much worse, like an involuntary response to whatever I'm doing.
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I want to escape and run away, leaving this what I know now behind, go to where no one knows me and just live without fear of disappointing anyone, drop everything and get to somewhere where I can try to be happy away from the stress of being around people who can actually figure out how to be well adjusted. I just have no idea what I'm doing.
TLDR: broke down crying in the shower, missed class for what feels like the hundredth time, and have no idea what I want right now.
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self.offmychest
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I high fived a girl I know/kind of have a crush on today It felt really nice, especially because I didn't initiate it. Hopefully it wasn't just an awkward wave. Sorry for taking your time, but that was probably the highlight of my day.
Edit: I probably should have done this sooner, but thank you all for your replies. Per some of the comments here, I'll try talking to her and getting to know her. Maybe she even likes me too(although I doubt it). I'll update inconsistently.
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self.depression
|
Tilted perception Everything was going great, fantastic, and suddenly I've felt like I've done a 180. So off balance, everything shifted. I can't sleep anymore, I just don't feel tired, laying there for hours time just slips by and I haven't slept at all. More anxious during the day or small encounters with people. Going through the motions of my life. My schedule. Working when I have work. Trying to sleep when I'm home. It's like a switch just flipped inside. Changing everything about how I feel. My emotions are becoming more erratic, harder to control. I'm more irritable, but yet I also feel nothing at all. I've cried more lately, for no reason at all. Everyday I feel more scared that he won't want to be around anymore. That the little things have just added up to too much. That he'll realize I'm difficult, and not always rational. I'm watching my motions again. I feel happy for moments, but as soon as I'm alone that mask falls away. I'm just not sure what happened, why so suddenly I feel so unusual...I'm sorry I don't know how to fix myself right now..but I'm trying..I just want this pressure, this grip, on my chest to go away...the tight hold on my throats to ease away..to not studder as I take a deep breath because I'm almost always on the verge of tears...I feel like I'm coming back to reality but I'm stuck in the hazey faze, and I can't get out..I'm getting help but it just takes time...but it's just so hard to handle sometimes...
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self.offmychest
|
Im sick of this fucking life I'm so sick of this fucking life, nothing makes sense and what fucks me the most is that I had it all, and now i'm just nobody. I don't feel love, i'm always so numb, the only feeling that I have is hate towards me. I want this life to end, please someone kill me.
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self.depression
|
Making Mistakes Does your anxiety allow you to make mistakes (from the world's most miniscule mistake, to even the most potentially huge mistake)? For example, if I make a mistake, I instantly feel huge levels of shame, guilt, depression, and even go so far as to think about killing myself. I know that this is not normal, but is there any ways that anybody uses to allow themselves even a little bit of freedom?
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self.Anxiety
|
I have been suffering from Tonsilitis for a week and I am so very sick and tired of it. I visited my parents for Christmas but due to what I assumed was a bad flu I wanted to getback to my own place and just relax without the big chance of anyone else catching anything I had.
Cut to the 29th 4 days after I came back from my parents place and my coughing is out of control. My runny nose and sneezing had seized but the coughing only got worse, way worse.
I started feeling indcredibly hot, touchign my forehead I felt like I was almost searing, my coughing only caused my forehead to heat up further and caused my headache to flare up to intolberable levels of pain. My throat itself was swollen around the tonsils, and the coughing only caused my throat to hurt more and more. The urge to cough in itself hurts and it hurts even more that I can't make it go waway without painfully coughing.
I haven't had an appetite, I have barely eaten anything, any attempt at eating a decent meal has been met with me vomiting it all up again only an hour later. The paracetamol barely does anything to contain my headache, it lowers my fever slightly but the area it needs to relief the most is unaffected.
I have tried cough drops and they did nothing, in fact when I took one this morning it caused me to vomit more unpleasantly than any other time during this whole thing.
I am bound to my dorm room, where I am stuck in bed most of the time, or the toilet. I can barely go on the computer for more than half an hour at a time before I need to lie down again.
The mot anonying thing about this is that every morning I felt slightly better, like things were startng to shape up. Only for my body to fully awake and the disease waking up completely and the pain sets in tenfold.
The last big slap in the face is that it is a viral infection, meaning there is no treatment other than me lying in bed and praying the pain goes away. I haven't been able to sleep properly, sleeping at 2-3 hour intervals being awoken with that god awful urge to cough. Then I cough, run ot the bathroom and hang over it for a good solid 10 minutes before I move back to bed, take a big swig of water and pray I can fall asleep and find some peace.
I even have an exam assignment due on this friday. and I have had no capacity to work on it, due to my headache and constant pain. Because I havent been able to work on it for over a week, I am so far behind I don't thinK I can make it, unless I recover very soon, and work nonstop.
But that is so unlikely that I'll probably just have to contact my teacher and get signed up for re-exam. Because at this point the stress from having to work on so much in such a short span of time would probably cause my depression to grip deeper unto me until I mentally break.
I end my 2017 terribly. Beginnign my 2018 terribly. At least I am gonna try and stay positive. At least it can only get better from here on out.
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self.offmychest
|
This is so much pain... Hello, i am a regular reddit user but I created another account for writing this post because is very personal. Also I am not a native English speaker so I hope you understand what I am saying. I am suffer from borderline personality disorder. I was diagnosed 5 or 6 years ago. 3 years ago I was quite aggressive with my sister I didn´t hit her but as I say I was aggressive. She hasn´t spoke to me since then. She had two children in that time and I have never met them. She doesn´t want to see me, she doesn´t even answer sms or calls. I came across her in the street 3 times since then and she didn´t talked to me either. I cope with it but in christmas is worst. This last week has been terrible, her second child is a newborn and I thought she would call me or something but nothing happened. Yesterday I tried to kill myself. I have tried before but the last time was 3 or 4 years ago and after that I stopped. The thing is I don´t want to die but I don´t want to keep living, I miss my sister and it seems that she would never talk to me again. By the way, im a 29 spanish girl trying to get a job in programming, job sucks here, except in fields like coding, and I was kind of happy with my progress because I am very close to finish my programming studies and to the job thing, but today I would gladly stay in the bed and never get up. I don´t even know what to say, I just wanted to say something to you guys. I hope the message is ok.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
What phone games/apps help you cope with anxiety? I’m going out on a huge assumption that other people play silly games on their phone as a way to cope and get past anxiety especially at night. Is anyone else does this. What ones are your favourites ?
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self.Anxiety
|
I can't remember much of the last 10 years [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Geodon Okay so recently my psych prescribed me 40mg Geodon and i’m supposed to take two at night. So I’ve been doing that but it leaves my body EXHAUSTED the next day and i can’t fully wake up until it’s the far into that next day. like maybe around 4 or 5. Has anyone else had this problem? if so, what did you do? I also have anxiety induced insomnia so she said this would help... I haven’t taken it for a couple of days and am back to getting little to no sleep. it’s like i can’t win.
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self.bipolar
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Is it still depression if I feel okay with nor doing anything important? Maybe it's an ADHD thing? Out of sight, out of mind? Like, there is plethora legitimately important things I could be doing and learning about right now but I'm somehow perfectly fine mood-wise to sit around on the internet not really doing much of anything? Despite knowing there are things I should be doing? I don't know. I guess the answer is to buck up and get those things done but why am I so bored and frustrated with them?
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self.depression
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Brain fog Do you also get brain fog when you're in serious anxiety mode, and have you found something to cope with it? When something goes wrong and I get anxious, my brain just FREEZES, I can't think, can't move, can't even see what I'm looking at right in front of me. What's worse is, like, I'm so full of nervous energy that anything makes me go into this mode.
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self.Anxiety
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How much Mirtazapine / Remeron does it take to pass out permanently?
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self.SuicideWatch
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The last thing I want is to overcrowd you [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I think i need proffesional help So yea pretty much what the title says. I am battling with depression for a while now seen all kinds of stages of it but right now i feel i am at the darkest side of it all. I really dont know what to do and i am too scared to see a doctor about it. Its also 4am and i know will keep my mind busy in the day and it all is somewhat survivable but i really cant go on like this no more. I dont have noone to talk about it.im sorry if this makes no sense. Everytime i look into the mirror the more i realize the sweet loveing guy that once stood there just isnt there anymore. I just want to feel happy again. Im sorry if this made no sense. What should i do
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self.depression
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I can't even empathize anymore I just don't care. About anyone's issues, or even mine. Things i used to care about, i don't. Recently, i've just been drinking the pain away. I feel like a psychopath, whenever i do get a "A-ha" moment, whether it's social or related to my job, i realize i don't really care about helping anyone. Not out of malevolence, i just have zero energy. Just get by my day eating and breathing like a waste of spac. I know i used to give a few fucks, when medicated, but for the past few years, it's been a very dull existence of just drinking to get over the daily pain, both mental and physical. I don't have anyone anymore due to selfish pushing away those, who did care, mostly due to being afraid of being too needy-looking. Just plain not-answering calls etc.
&nbsp;
My ego is weak, i admit. I get hurt over the simplest of things. I've tried to meditate, but this brain seems like a clusterfuck of egoism. I guess i'm afraid.
&nbsp;
Perhaps i am just a sick narcissistic cunt who needs love, but doesn't deserve it. But i personally do believe, even narcissists deserve love, heck, just because their personalities are a bit whack, why not? Everybody deserves love. But i do know, i failed so many people where they did try to help me (my family for example) due to bitterness. I am selfish, at the same time i feel i have no energy to reciprocate... i barely have energy enough to work, as soon as i get home i either drink or sleep. The weird thing is, i feel almost as if i don't drink, i'm in physical paiin. That's how strong of a hold alcohol has had on me recently. Because it's the only thing that helps with this feeling of hopelesness. I remember being just absolutely out of my mind sad about my own existance at the age of 9, like why would this pain exist, if there was a indeed a god? I don't mean to mock anyone who believes in a god with that, just dont understand, why this.. self-loathing exists.
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self.depression
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I think i need atleast one friend Ok i feel like im an idiot because of writing that yes i looks like i want attention thats why i usually dont talk with someone about it but people here dont know me so i guess i can finally let it all out? Idk im questioning my self why im like that like this all that and i just think maybe i need atleast one friend that wont ever lie no matter? Ugh idk its just weird im weird thats why i dont have any friends im fucked up i dont think i deserve this fucked up childhood ive been through a lot its to much idk can like can some one just be like a good friend? Im eric and 17 years old and german ha people said a lot of nice things about me like im beautiful cuz of my bright brown eyes im 6"2 tall but i think brown is just normal and i dont think im really beautiful and kind and funny and cute i mean a lot of girls say that but they thats it when they know whats wrong with me they leave me because its how the world works right? People want perfect things people dont want sad and broken people the perfect succesful person survives and all the non perfect people are unknown and they throw them away and fuck.. thats a lot of writing i didnt realized that... why am i here i wont even find anyone i only know this cute girl who was depressed to and all that she understood me but she died idk how tho but again normal healthy people will throw anyone away but is there someone here who actually reads that bullshit here and be my friend?
Please
Im stupid for that lol
My english is so bad holy guacamole
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self.SuicideWatch
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How do you feel leading up to a manic episode? I feel like I might be potentially leading into one. Sometimes when I get an idea or start thinking stuff needs to change it has lead into manicness. I can literally stay up all night thinking how great I'm going to be. How I'll achieve all of my dreams. If it is a manic episode coming on it will usually lead into staying up all night or at least most of it. I start coming up with more ideas and sharing my ideas to fanily. It's like I just get super excited and I feel like I can't concentrate on anything. This is just the build up but this eventually leads to crazy behaviour. I just hope I'm not in the start of one now. Or at least it could be a cool manic episode but I've never had a manic episode I was proud of
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self.bipolar
|
How is it admitting myself under suicide watch? I'm about to admit myself to a hospital under suicide watch. What's other people's experiences? Please?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Tired of the cycle. I have the rope. I just took my last shower. Playing my favorite song and dying. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I dunno anymore I made this account just for this. I'm not sure about what I want from this. I don't want to bother anyone. I don't want the usual pep talks I assume people get. I don't even exactly know what is so bad.
I've on and off felt and thought about this for a year or so. I have a few good friends. Good family. But I have had a couple heartbreaks in the last couple years.
I don't feel like I am any use to anyone. I actually feel like I hinder people now.
I have taken one of my friends on a spiral of drink and drugs with me as he's tried to be there for me. It's shit to see for him.
I've had fights and arguments with my mother and other friends through what I think in hindsight is my behaiour. It's hard to tell as I don't see what I've done wrong and most of the time think I'm right or hard done by. But by afterthought or seeing others go through this I guess I see maybe I am the common problem. I'm the one that always has the issue or causes the issues.
I guess I have depression. My latest ex tried to get me to see someone about it. But I've never felt I'd need to do that. In fact 5 years ago I was the least likely guy to ever have to do that.
I've always been the one to be there for everyone. The constant happy guy. The party guy. The helping guy. The guy who would pick you up. The guy who would take you in. Now I feel like no one wants to be near me.
I am drunk and on drugs just now. Alone. I don't have anyone to talk to. I've thought for the last 2 hours about jumping in my car and fucking off or finding a cliff or bridge. But I know I really don't want to. Just that it might be best. I guess I just want to vent. Sorry if this doesn't fit here. Sorry if I brake any rules (I haven't read them) and as I said I don't want a phone number. I know what they are. Thanks reddit.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My StepDad is a Narcissist! HELP! I'm shook. He made some comments that I thought were unnecessary to my mom that set off a red flag for me. So, because of that I have been up 24 hours doin research on Narcissism Personality Disorder and my stepdad fits the fuckin bill. Check too many boxes for it too not be true and after really paying attention to his interactions with my mom, its clear she is his foodsource. She says she is happy but this is not normal! I gave her examples of his interactions with me from the past couple weeks and then some examples of her interactions with him. He is NUTS!!!
I just don't know what to write that can shake this feeling of dread. My insecurities can all be traced back to him, he always had to one up me, EVEN AS A FUCKIN KID!!!!!1!!!1!!!!!11!!! When I graduated high school they moved to another state! He told me to my face that he was getting her away from ME! How fucked up can someone be! He knew he couldn't control me and feed off me (me and my mom are both codependent) so he convinced mom to move and split us up. He knew there was no way I would leave my friends and bio dad!
Please help me! He has brain washed my mom! I have a couple meetings set up with therapists this month for me because of all the shit in my head, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, etc. This morning when they both woke up I talked to both of them in the kitchen and told them I cant work and get my mind right at the same time. That is too much for me. My mom hugged me and supported me. This fuckin psycho followed that up by crossing his arms leaning back against the counter and saying, "yeh, that's what I tell my AA guys." WHAT THE FUCK???!!!
PLEASE HELP ME!
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self.offmychest
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I am in over my head maybe I think I might be in over my head. I hate to admit but I haven’t showered in a week.
I felt like a rockstar because I scheduled so many meetings next week - this week. Now I have a week of meetings that I’m running.
I have a deep cleaning scheduled for Thursday but my house is full of clutter that I need to clean before then.
My boiler is leaking and I need to get it fixed. I had an appointment but had to reschedule but I haven’t rescheduled yet.
I’m hosting thanksgiving at my house this year. There is a lot of emotional baggage because I invited my dad who hasn’t spent a holiday with me in 10 years and he said no, he was going to spend it with his second family. He didn’t invite me to spend it with him even though he invited my sister. anyway my sister was so disgusted with how he treats me she is coming to my house and I invited my mom since my dad isn’t coming. My feelings are really hurt because there is a lot more to the story but I’ll leave it at that.
I have this business case that needs to be done before Monday. My access for my old company ends on the 15th and I haven’t transferred everything over yet. I also haven’t signed and mailed my severance yet.
To top it off I’ve been gaining weight. I thought I was having some GI issues so I took some laxatives (sorry TMI) and now my stomach is killing me. I half wonder if I did that to get rid of some of the food to lose weight.
I think I can pull it together but I’m really a bit of a worrier right now.
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self.bipolar
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FML I hate my life. I always feel like shit when people are mean to me and tell me what to do constantly. I wanted to speak out, but I always feel afraid. I need some help.
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self.depression
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Welcome Newcomers & QOTW - December 11th 2017 - What was the last experience that made you a stronger person? [removed]
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self.Anxiety
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Please help I am 18 years old in high school. I have suffered with depression since the 7th grade but never got any help because my family thinks I am the one who makes myself depressed and that I really have no reason to. My depression comes and goes but for the past year it’s stayed. Harshly. I started dating my ex when I was 14 and he was the best guy I’ve ever dated. I love him dearly. Earlier on this year, we broke up. We were toxic to eachother & we’d just hurt eachother but I love him so much... I betrayed his trust once.. but we weren’t together. But I still hurt him and he’d use it aagainst me all the time. We broke up because someone I once called a friend, betrayed my trust and said things I told in confidence. Me & my ex were talking again but not together. And there was another guy.. someone I was trying to break off the fling with because I wasn’t interested, but he was.. everyone knew I love my ex. Well my so called friend told my ex that I was with someone else while with him, but my friend made the situation a lot worse than it was. and my exbegan to call me things and broke up with me. We began to talk again and we decided we could try again but it would go very slow. We wouldn’t be the same and I needed to offer space. I let him know I was going to see the other guy and let him know (in person) that I don’t want anything to do with him. (This guy wouldn’t understand through text) and my ex agreeed. Well the other guy sent images of me to my ex and my ex thought that I was trying to cheat. When I wasn’t.. (I had no clue this was going on till after) I was very upset but had no way of contacting my ex due to the fact he cut contact with me through everything. I cut contact with the other guy and said I wanted to know nothing about him because I love my ex. Now, a month or two later, my ex is with someone else. Someone I also, used to call, a friend. It hurts me to see them together, and seeing him do things for her that he wouldn’t for me. It’s evwn funny because she knew all about me & him, ups & downs, she even said I deserved better... the same day I got this news, I got kicked out of My house. I lived with a family member and then I went to live with another. (Both homes don’t want me) I don’t have anywhere else to go. I don’t care about school anymore. I don’t care about my future. I want to die honestly. I’m not meant for this world. I’ve tried to cope for 4-5 years. And I can’t. I never had a good childhood. (Abusive & manipulative) so I moved with relatives. And now that’s gone. I have no purpose. I don’t know what do to anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why does no one care when others cry at work? I just cried, by myself and my desk. Others saw me. They looked away. I know how loneliness feel and so im the first there when someone needs me. It just shows me how little people will care when my desk is empty one morning.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me out of the blue yesterday. Everything I see makes me think about her. Everything that happens to me makes me want to run and share with her. I desperately miss her. She was my best friend. "Never again" is too much time for me. My heart is hurting so much. I can't even listen to music without crying. I never felt so much pain in my entire life.
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self.offmychest
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My meds aren't helping So I've been taking citalopram (celexa) for about two months and I feel no difference, even with a higher dosage. My anxiety is still as bad and my depression is getting worse. What should I do?
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self.Anxiety
|
Thoughts for a Grave This world is hell. Everything is suffering. I’m realizing there’s nothing here for me.I don’t want anything to do with it.It’s rigged for the elite while the rest of the world suffers. And on the grand scheme of things, there nothing no one can do to help. I spent thousands on a degree that made me realize I’m the problem of this consumer driven society and now refuse to use.Can I get a refund?I didn’t know you could run out of love, for yourself &loved ones. It just ran out. I guess when u question if something is real from day one, it probably isn’t.Just a black whole where life once was. The only one I ever thought was the love of my life betrayed me, &disrespected me &still does.“You bitch, you cunt.”I can’t be afraid to die anymore. I’m going to learn to fly and let the sport take me out. Better with a view than a hospital bed. It’s going to happen to everyone eventually. How you choose to go out is up to you right? I’m no one. I belong no where and I’m nothing.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I tried to draw and read today!!! I am laughing now how funny the title sounds! If you told the past me that I would be happy about attempting to draw and reading few pages of a book, I would think you're crazy!
But for the last year after graduating I haven't done a thing. I would exist, work, eat, sleep repeat...
I know this sounds Hilarious but I have no one to share this with and I'm so happy that I finally did something besides struggling to exist...
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self.depression
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How long did it take you to click with a counselor and when did you start seeing results? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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No one told me about Lamictal's effect on cognition [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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if we were assholes, i bet it would have way better for us. but we arnt, so we overthink, analyze and take the suffering tht a situation could hv produced for someone else on ourselves. i need to work on being a better asshole. my empathy fucks me up
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self.Anxiety
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I've set my date, and I'm going through with it. I don't think anything can convince me otherwise. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't think I'm going to pass this school year. After 3 years of not being able to go to school regularly due to panic attacks/depression I have at last fallen back enough to not be able to recuperate.
I think I'll fail this year, and it's making me freak the fuck out.
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self.Anxiety
|
Anyone else feel like they're suffocating? There's a heavy weight on me, particularly my chest. It's making even just breathing feel like an impossible task and it's exhausting.
I've spent the last few months continuously saying 'I'm trying'. Trying to help myself, keep it together, trying not be broken. But I'm tired and I just can't try anymore.
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self.depression
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I've been very angry at my mother for her marriage decisions [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Keep making shopping lists for tomorrow... Except I can’t see the point in shopping for Pepsi Max in the morning, when I really hope I’ll be dead before I start to want it.
I can’t stop thinking about killing myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I thought my coworker had a kid but his wife had a miscarriage I’m feeling really terrible because I asked my coworker about his kid during a happy hour publicly and he had to correct me and say that no he doesn’t have a kid, that I must be confused because his wife was pregnant and had a miscarriage.
I just feel terrible for bringing it up, and self centered for being so oblivious to the situation that I thought he had a kid. I can’t focus at work and he sits right across from me.
I know this is absurd but I just needed to tell someone. Thank you for reading
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self.Anxiety
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rambling about depression and rehoming my cat? my boyfriend and i adopted a cat three and a half months ago and i want to bring him back to the shelter. i can't handle the responsibilities and i think it's because i'm majorly depressed.
i've never been diagnosed but i have been on antidepressants. i was on zoloft for two years until about three months ago when i had a bad depressive phase and stopped taking my meds abruptly. it was right after we adopted our cat. my mental health was spiraling like withdrawal and it didn't help to be stressed and tormented by our new, adjusting cat.
he was one year and one month old when we adopted him, and he's super active like a kitten.
i've never owned a cat before and feel like it just might not be for me.
recently to help with my depression, i started journaling. it was a big step for me, but since we've adopted him, i've stopped. whenever i would sit at my desk to journal, i would get into a really positive zone, and then the cat would start attacking me for attention. biting my ankles, staring at me from below and then pouncing at my face, then he started getting up on the desk and staring me down at face level until he pounced on my face or arms. the attacks drew blood, but it's not like they were vicious. i know he just wants attention or playtime. but every time he attacks me, it triggers my anxiety and depression and i lock myself in the dark bathroom to cry and hurt myself.
i feel so weak and pathetic and so so so so ashamed of myself. so many people have cats and dogs and kids and they handle life just fine, but i can't do anything. i had to quit my part time job because of my depression, i still haven't gone back to school, i lost my best friend, and now i can't even take care of a cat. i feel so overwhelmed. i feel like i'm supposed to keep trying and toughen up but i'm just too weak and i'm burning out again.
im scared of being shamed by experienced cat owners. i don't want to hear that i shouldn't have adopted him if i couldn't handle him, or that i made a bad and impulsive choice. i don't want to be shamed for not wanting to play with the cat for 2+ hours everyday. i don't need to be told that cats can sense anxiety and so i need to stand up for myself and be stronger.
i'm ashamed to admit that i think i would be a lot happier with a lazy cat that just wants to sit around, or an emotional support cat. and i'm ashamed to admit that i dream of just bringing him back to the shelter and 'returning him' or 'exchanging him for a better cat,' because it feels so selfish.
it's so unfair for our cat. he deserves to be played with for 2+ hours a day, have other cat playmates, have more space, and have someone who knows how to love him fully. now that i know what having a cat is really like, i don't want to do it anymore. instead, i want to make sure he finds a better home and live a happier life, and i want to live happier too. i want to feel safe and relaxed in my own home. so why can't i shake the guilt and fear of judgement and do what i know is best for my situation? i guess i'm not convinced i know what's best. i guess i keep thinking that as i become stronger mentally, everything will get easier... but even on my new meds, i'm barely getting any stronger these days.
i wish that my cat would stop attacking me. i wish i could hold him and pet him and cuddle him. i wish he would lay on my lap or on my desk and keep me company instead of driving me to more anxiety attacks. but i'm ashamed to give up on the cat we already committed to.
even after sharing all this, the weight hasn't lifted off my chest. i don't know what to do.
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self.offmychest
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This app helps me to get over anxiety a bit [Pacifica (android)](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.pacificalabs.pacifica&hl=en) | [Pacifica (ios)](https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/pacifica-for-stress-anxiety/id922968861?mt=8)
I'll preface by saying, that I'm not the developer, or some paid shill.
But it is honestly one of the best apps on my phone.
Basically how it works is that you tell it how you feel every day. You can select 'Great', or 'Awful', or something in between, and you can also write a bit about how you feel (don't have to).
After that, it pops up a menu where you can basically, well, relax. There are several recordings. They're categorized into categories - "calm down", "inner strength", "mindfulness" and others.
You can also select background noise whilst the recording is playing. So you might be listening to a recording on how to breathe to relax, and have the sound of rain in the background.
Again, I'm not the developer or was paid to say this, but if you're desperate for solutions, try it. It definitely helped me.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm so sad and it's for no real reason [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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End Of 2017 Reflections Hi Reddit. I am planning on posting this (slightly modified) on Facebook. It is deeply personal and is going to reveal a lot about me to people (I never reach out), but it is ironic how uncontroversial this seems when you're anonymous. And at this point, I feel like I have nothing to lose. A little context: I'm 28, have been in the workforce for 4 years, on the West Coast for 2 years, with my family a couple thousand miles away in the Rockies and Midwest.
End Of 2017 Reflections
Hello friends, I don't really give life updates as much as I should. I tell myself each year I'll turn it around. Speaking of turning things around, here is my 2017 update.
It was a long year. On paper I am making the right career moves, but after moving to a new city and a new company yet again I keep wondering whether I am following the right path.
I miss my friends at [1st company I worked in after college] and at [2nd company]. I miss the people I grew up with in Wisconsin and my bandmates in Iowa. And above all, I miss my family. Every moment with them is full of laughter. I ask myself why I left such great people behind, and the answer is always "you're on to something better." Well, when does better start to feel great? When does better become good enough?
I haven't yet decided what it means to follow my dreams, but you need to be able to dream in the first place. And too often I have been using substances that cloud my vision and stop me from dreaming at night.
I am creatively minded, and have worked hard acquiring knowledge to make songs and to construct cool web experiments, yet when I get off work, I make choices that blunt my mind and dimish my ability until I wake up the next morning. The projects I love to work on become homework that weighs in the back of my mind every day. I see songs that are half-finished and games that are barely functional beyond proof of concept, and have to ask myself the question "will these ever get done", instead of the question "how awesome is it now that these are done?"
To some of the people I've been distant to, these above words here are both long overdue, and the best explanation I can give. I've fallen into a rut.
But in 2018, things are going to change.
I am going to eliminate any possibility that I am blunting my potential. I'm going to go to bed early, wake up to see the sunrise, run alongside it, and photograph it. I am going to post content that I finish, and when you see that content on Facebook, you will know that I am doing well. Maybe I won't complete a whole album this year, but maybe a song or two, get an open mic set going.
I am going to take a step back from my career. I won't live in fear of a month long vacation. I'll wake up some days with no purpose, and nothing will be on my mind, and I won't have to work on anything that day. And the world won't stop turning.
Most importantly, I will spend more time with all of you. Like Jim Carrey in Yes Man, I'm going to take every chance I get. I'll rediscover the fun in the journey. Before I enter a town, I'll hit up everyone I know in that town, and we can enjoy memories both old and new.
Although it hasn't always been easy to recognize this, I am beyond lucky these last couple years to be where I am today, with the opportunities I have, and each and each one of you on Facebook has touched my life in ways I will never forget. I am fortunate to be surrounded by all of you, and my thoughts are with you.
I wish you all a happy 2018, and I am excited for us to keep on keepin' on, doing what we do best -- to live. Here's to the fullest.
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self.offmychest
|
Too Scared to Do What I want I've got a bunch of things that I should do and that I really _want_ to do, but I'm way too scared. Once I start thinking about or planning them I start overthinking and catastrophizing.
The big one is I really think I should see a therapist (not just for anxiety), but I don't know how to do that! I'm scared I'll do something wrong, embarrass myself or panic. Sometimes I wish someone could just give me instructions through a headset or something.
I'm not really sure myself what the point of this post is! I guess if anyone has any resources for coping with this, they'd be really appreciated.
EDIT: I guess it says a lot about my state of mind that I'm now worried because I fucked up the post title capitalisation!
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm wondering if anyone has the same sorta thing going on Both my parents keep telling me that all I have to do is change my mind set as if it's an easy thing to do, but if it was that easy don't you think I would have done it, and my father keeps telling me to get off my pills because and I quotes "it's a monkey on my back". I just want to know I'm not alone with this and someone else's parents are the same.
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self.depression
|
I regularly feel like I don't want to be alive anymore. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I really need help Bad marks, my parents beat me up, I have no girlfriend, I have a few friends. I only have my phone to free myself. I was trying the other day to put a knife in my heart. I hurted myself a bit, just like if I fell to the ground and rasped my leg. I'm gonna try it again. Or maybe I will jump off the window. Idk really. I'm 13 years old and I can't stand this anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
What do you do when you have no hope left?
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self.Anxiety
|
My SO was just talking to my mom for the first time. So yeah, i always asked my SO if she was nervous and if she really wants to do it, meanwhile it was me who was nervous haha. They don't speak the same language so i had to translate. My mom was really nervous too and didn't know what to say. But yeah, they both like each other a lot. My SO is so happy about it, it's so cute. I just wanted to share this today, no one probably cares but anyway, but i am just glad that after so many bad years, things are finally going well. I really hope to marry her one day. I just know that she is the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. There are so many good signs, that we're a fit for each other. There have been so much random coincidences, which made us meet and come together in the end.
Thank you reddit for bringing us together. I could have never dreamed i'd find my soulmate in here, we both are just so happy. Thanks for anyone taking time to read this.
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self.offmychest
|
I've been in a constant rush to try and get on my feet for the last three years, but I always end up doing nothing about it. I've forgotten what motivation is all about.
Hey there, I just turned 22. And this is my situation:
About three years ago, I used to feel excited about everything. Finishing school, starting my studies at a university, being self-sufficient, finally doing what I thought was my future career.
I'm not sure what happened, but I started losing my drive. Things didn't look as exciting, nor entertaining. Never having even kissed a girl, I felt alone and loveless. Still, I felt motivated enough to start working on my social skills, met a few people over the Internet, even got a girlfriend. (Thanks to the Internet I have a social life, as ironic as that sounds, even though it's not that good).
Fast forward to this year, I was able to date a couple more girls, had a good time but they all ended too soon. I've never been able to have sex with the girls I've been with because I lost my sex drive in the course of these last years. Also the extremely low self esteem and self hatred don't help.
Today, I find myself unable to even have a conversation with someone, mostly girls. I can't come up with anything to talk about and I feel like all the things I learned about social skills have gone away suddenly. How do people have such natural conversations with one another? How did I manage to do it before? I feel like I want new friends, I want to have a good time, but can't figure out where to go, or what to do to achieve that.
Regarding my studies, this year was a slow one. In the time I should have completed 50% of my career, I only completed around 20%. I started visiting a psychologist because I can't get myself to study for my exams (I'm not cooperating much with him), and all I do is worry about it though I never take up the responsibility.
I am fully aware of the fact that things don't come if you just sit and wait, but I can't bring myself to do anything other than complain. Meanwhile I feel like my mind wants to run, but doesn't know which way to go, and my body won't budge. I think 24/7 about how I'm getting older, and I'm wasting every second of my life. I'm completely lost and feel like everything I do is going nowhere. And I don't even know how to end this post, just wanted to put this somewhere and hopefully get some solutions or words of encouragement from people who've been through the same. Sorry for the long read.
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self.depression
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