text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
NOW WHAT? I did all the right stuff. I read books, set up a list of triggers, talked to people about what was going on.....
Great
So I am hypomania.... I saw it coming...... and now what?
I told the doc I needed to sleep, he gave me temazapam..... nada.
|
self.bipolar
|
21 lonely male...close to ending his life.. Im so tired of being lonely... I want friends and people to talk with and hang out with, but at the same time a very shy and withdrawn person and get uncomftorable in social circumstances....
This has led me to feel very isolated and unable to relate to other people, but this loneliness, also makes my depression worse....
I have a girlfriend but it's a long distance thing, and she's been able to keep my depression from getting the best of me, but recently her father had woken up in the middle of the night while we were calling and talking to eachother and since that happened she got in trouble for it and now, my already limited time being able to contact and call/message her is in jeopardy and with her being the only person ive had contact with...
Im afraid that if our time together messaging and calling stops, and we cant contact eachother anymore that ill be completely alone and forgotten.
I've been contemplating why i even bother staying alive... The one person who makes me feel the most alive and makes me depression feel like nothing could end up being not being able to contact anymore.. and if that happens everything bad just rushes back... i dont see why i should live... when all i live is a very lonely lifestyle.. have no friends besides my girlfriend.. dont have a social life.. my family doesnt like me that much... i dont know what to do...
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Short and irrelevant But since I cant find interaction on live chat, I will just shout it here.
How can loneliness be such a strong feeling, the kind which just make us wish we were not alive>
|
self.offmychest
|
How to help lessen tension headaches? I have been struggling with anxiety for years now, but this week it has been a bit different. I've had this headache at my temples and the top of my head. It hasn't really gone away despite sleep, less alcohol, and less caffeine. All the research I've done says that it's a tension headache, which makes sense because I've been particularly anxious this past week. Ibuprofen doesn't really help much, and I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how to lessen it and relax more? Thanks in advance
|
self.Anxiety
|
It's been 3 days Since I've had food or even the slightest hint of a will to live. I have no money or family or anything and I don't think I can do this much longer. I really hope things get better with America so no one else takes their life because too little social security income ruined their life. $700 a month isn't enough to live on when you have rent electric and water.
I want to die so bad but I can't do it lol. I'm fucking pathetic and I hate myself for it. I honestly just kind of want to become a criminal or something so I could go to jail and have food every day. I don't care if it's not even good food lol. I just want to be able to survive. But no that's completely wrong for me to want. Nothing is stable. It's wrong for me to want to die too? Lol? You know what? I think I can do it lol. We have trains and stuff here. I could just sleep outside for a few days or something as well.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I’m just feeling overwhelmed about life right now 1. Got ghosted by a guy I’ve been talking to every daily and seeing for a month now.. we even had date plans this coming week
2. I got told my dog can’t live at the place I’m staying anymore.. he’s seriously my best friend and I am feeling absolutely torn apart, trying to come up with any idea on how I can make it possible for him to stay with me
3. I’m going back to school at the age of 22 and I’m just scared shitless. I’m not going to have financial help from my parents this time and I’m just getting overwhelmed with the idea of being in debt
4. Going along with going back to school, I’m just worried I’m not going to make friends. I want to get involved more and do things but I’m not very out going. I think why school sucked so much for me before was because I transferred in and didn’t know anyone so my worst fear right now is that the same thing is going to happen to me again
Just needed to get that out :/
|
self.offmychest
|
Everything hurts My closest friend committed suicide this week, I've been so heartbroken over it. I've had so much loss it seems like. I start college Monday and I just feel like I'm gonna fall. Everything hurts..
|
self.depression
|
My Bipolar doesn't really conform to "traditional" categorization, wondering if anyone could give me some advice/answers Hey guys, hope you're doing well,
Two years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 and am now being treated with Lamictal and Depakote, which have made an enormous difference in my symptoms.
However my experience of the disorder doesn't seem to fit into any "normal" category. For one, I don't get manic highs that last for days, mine consist of extreme energy, anger, and depression at the same time, no euphoria or good feelings whatsoever.
Not only that, but they are very brief, sometimes under an hour long even. They don't include delusions, hallucinations or psychosis, more just a feeling that everything I've ever done is hopeless and life isn't going to ever improve. This scene from the movie silver linings playbook pretty much describes it perfectly, except without the "flashback" he experiences
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrsjI7DrOuQ
The leadup to it pretty much feels like the opening of the movie falling down, like everything is closing in, and I can feel it coming it on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piPzExBdfIg
I know that's oddly specific, but those clips the only way I feel I can describe them. My depressive episodes don't immediately follow them, but seem to happen often between them. I don't have them much anymore (i am in recovery) but at my worst I would have them about 4-7 times per week.
Another thing I noticed is that when I used to smoke weed to deal with these episodes (didn't exacerbate the condition, and I don't smoke anymore) the episodes went away pretty much instantly.
Any information would be much appreciated. Hope you all have a great day :)
|
self.bipolar
|
How do i see myself as not worthless? My doctor said that one of the first and main steps to me feeling better about myself and stuff is to see myself as worth-full and not worthless, But how do i do that?
|
self.depression
|
I feel everyone is at fault for what I've become, ofc even myself [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Which medication has worked best for you? I have an appointment with a psychiatrist this Friday and I would like to be prepared regarding discussing my options. Let me know which anti-depressant has helped with your depression the most.
|
self.depression
|
Potential new job, do I go for it even though it'll make me extra anxious? I had a job interview last week for a secretary position for a few doctors at the hospital I currently work at. They should be calling me this week to say whether I get the position or not, and now I'm starting to wonder if I should even take the position if they offer it to me.
A little background:
I think I have generalized anxiety. I'm not on any medication or anything, I have seen a therapist a few times but couldn't really manage to take time off of work to go every week. A lot of my anxiety is social anxiety and this is why I'm wondering if I should take this job or not. I'm not anxious talking tp all people, it's mainly just certain types of people/situations.
I've been working at this hospital for over 3 years now and know a lot of the nurses and other admin staff. For the most part, I'm not very anxious conversing with them anymore.
I don't directly work with the doctors often but when I have to talk to them, I get so anxious! My face turns red, I get sweaty palms, I have a hard time listening to what they tell me or I stutter with my words. I don't know why, I think it's because I'm intimidated by how smart they are/how much money they make or something. And sometimes they can be not very nice to admin staff so maybe I'm scared they're going to be rude to me? I don't know. It's so ridiculous/embarrassing though and I hate it! Also, if I had to take minutes in a meeting for them I think I'd pass out. I already am on the brink of panic attacks in meetings with my fellow co workers! (although I don't know if I'd have to actually take meeting minutes.)
So that's why I'm turning to my fellow anxious people of reddit and would like to know your opinion. What would you do? Or has anyone been in a similar situation? Do you think it would get better over time or am I putting myself in a job that I'm going to dread every day? I'm also worried if I end up hating it, what everyone will think of me at the hospital if I quit because it was too much for me.
Otherwise I think it would be a perfect job for me if I didn't have anxiety issues.
TL;DR
Should I start a new job as a Secretary for Doctors when talking to them makes me very anxious?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Thanks I posted earlier about doing my dishes and everyone was so wonderful. I have so few people in my life to lean on and you all were so supportive. This community means a lot to me, even if I mostly read and vote. Thanks everyone. You rock.
|
self.bipolar
|
I hate my sisters husband My sister met her now husband when I was 13 and over the past 8 years these are the shitty things he’s done
-Punched her
-verbally abuses/ed her
-thrown her out of his house several times with their new born son
-sexually assaulted/ raped ? a 14 y.o. girl
-quitting and getting fired from multiple jobs
- living with parents into his 30s
- getting a DUI
- making comments about how pretty I was “going to be when I get older” (13 at the time)*shivers*
-breaking up with my sister about 30ish times
-somehow getting a new girlfriend within a few days, cheating ?
-calling my older nephew, from my sisters previous relationship the N word (he’s very young)
-being abusive in front of my nephews
- making rude comments about how I need to get a job even though I was underage at the time
-commenting about how I’m too skinny (by then I was 18)
-going into a jealous controlling rage when she wore makeup or scented lotions
-throwing away her makeup and perfumes and ripping up/throwing away her clothes
And here’s all the efforts my parents and I made and continue to make to help her get out of said relationship:
- letting her stay at our house every time he threw her and her baby out
-helping her pay for her apartment
-paying for her phone
-baby sitting and taking her children to school and also picking them up
-helping her move all her belongings into several apartments
- buying her new clothes and perfumes to replace the ones lost when her and bf fought
All these efforts and she still got back with him. It’s so hard to understand. I know victims of abuse have a hard time getting out usually because of financial reasons,but my sister was able to get away and get a job and her own place yet she still took him back.???
Now she thinks since they’re married he’s allowed back into my parents house for holidays ? My parents didn’t want to confront him during a recent holiday about not being allowed in our house, so he was literally inside my house. I’m afraid he would rape me if he had the chance.
What do I do ? My family and I can’t tell her not to bring him over because then we’ll never see my nephews again and that’ll isolate her even more.? Even if you don’t have any advice to offer any other comments are appreciated. Sorry for the novel....
|
self.offmychest
|
Looking into the eyes of people I can’t do it.
Even though I have a masterful facade, and very few can tell when I’m in pain or depressed I just can’t bring myself to look into the eyes of certain people. It’s like I emotionally absorb all their sorrow on top of my own. And I’m worried they’ll realize I’m hiding something big to pry deeper with questions.
I’m so isolated, I don’t know how to reciprocate love and have rejected so many women and otherwise good people for flippant reasons. Then I feel awful because I didn’t welcome their feelings.
|
self.depression
|
Is it normal to feel stupider after coming down from hypo/mania/? I just came down from my hypomanic episode a few days ago and ever since I've been feeling really drained and stupid. I can't find all the words I want to use and my spelling and typing has gotten worse. I was fine before this episode.
Am I just dealing with a comedown or has the hypomania done some permanent damage to my brain? I'm just wondering.
|
self.bipolar
|
Feeling kinda lost lately... I'm 19, I live at home, and I have a disability. My disability is a heart defect that I've had since birth and prevents me from working because I get tired out, it also affects my sex life a little bit because of tiredness, but other than that I function normally. I completed high school and took a one year college arts program last year. This year I took a year off, I'm living off of disability and I will probably move out soon. My ex of 1 year 4 months left me 2 months ago and had sex with somebody else, it destroyed me and she didn't give me reasoning to why. I'm just not confident about myself moving forward, I have doubts that I'll find somebody who looks past my heart and the fact that I can't work right now. (I can if I get another surgery or transplant, which will be in the future sometime). Thanks for reading this, I need some reassurance.
|
self.depression
|
“College is a waste of time and money” Search this up on google. You’d be surprised by how common it is.
I’m somebody who likes to listen to the opposite side of the argument at all times. And that’s exactly what I did. However, I am highly disappointed after doing so.
“College is overrated. Don’t go. You’ll regret it. Degrees are worthless.”
Well do you know what happens when you avoid college you fucking idiot? You make it harder for yourself to get anywhere in life.
Look it up. More and more jobs are requiring degrees. It’s estimated by 2018 that around 63 percent of jobs will need college.
College graduates also statistically make more money. The jobs that require college usually have more to pay. The jobs that don’t require any education beyond high school don’t usually make as much money. Hence the college vs McDonald’s stereotype.
There’s a procon page on college too. Look at all the items on the green side because I don’t have time to make this post long.
Look, I’m not saying everyone should go to college. Oh god no. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. But these anti college people shouldn’t be saying that no one should either. Both sides lose. It’s not that you have to go to college, it’s just that you’re better off if you do. And that’s a fact.
|
self.offmychest
|
Having a heavy period and woke up feeling awful again It didn't help that people on reddit accused me of trolling when I just came here to say how I feel.
|
self.depression
|
My life is kind of a mess right now *Scroll down for a tl;dr
Before I start, I feel I should give some background to my life. Growing up, I was heavily bullied because of my eczema. My parents were very controlling growing up as well, never letting me go to birthday parties, sleepovers, or having any friends. I can remember ever since the fifth grade they had been controlling my diet and telling me "You've eaten enough today" when we were eating dinner and I had barely started eating. Looking back, I was in pretty good shape and hadn't gained weight until university. This has heavily impacted my self-esteem and fostered this crippling depression and anxiety. I have fallen in love twice and had my heart broken twice because I my depression "too much to handle". I don't really hold it against them, though. I'm quite a handful haha.
Fast forward to now, I'm 23 years old. Graduated with honors from a distinguished university, and working full-time on a contract until mid-December. I have the most loving boyfriend and partner who takes care of me and has stuck with me when I was really at my worst. Now I feel like my depression is creeping back up. I've been extremely unhappy at my job. I was hired to do simply filing and data entry, but I ended up taking up so much responsibility I may as well be the coordinator in my department. I had asked for a raise a month ago but was declined one. My work feels unfulfilling now, and I dread going to work. At home, my parents treat me poorly. I've always been appreciative of them no matter what, since they raised me and gave me so much. My days for the past 2-3 months are just work, going to my boyfriend's house, then going home at around 8pm and crawling into bed. Weekends I spend with my boyfriend because he seems to be the only source of happiness (I know this is unhealthy) On top of that, there's a coworker who's been trying to sabotage me for the past month because she feels threatened that I'm going to take her job from her. This resulted in her feeding lies to my managers and them disciplining me on Friday based on this coworker's lies. On top of that, I had discovered that my driver's license was suspended due to a $45 speeding ticket I forgot to pay which has resulted in the fine increasing to $85 and a $200 reinstatement fee. And my health card had expired on my birthday. I've been at a loss this past weekend wanting to resort to self harm as I have done in the past. I know what I have to do to get myself out of this hole, but I lack the motivation and will to even live. My plan of action is to try holding myself accountable for things again by using my agenda once more and get back into power lifting and going to the gym as well as not over-sleeping and keeping a healthy diet. I'm just not sure I have the motivation as of this moment haha.
I know this is probably just a bunch of gibberish with shit tons of grammatical errors, but I just needed to get this out.
tl;dr: Been suffering with crippling depression and anxiety from a young age. Working a shitty, underpaid job with a toxic work environment only to go home to an even more toxic environment. Got my driver's license suspended and my health card expired on my birthday. Currently lacking with will and motivation to do anything about my life.
|
self.depression
|
i don't know what to do anymore i just spent the day talking to a dead girl and confessing my feelings because I couldn't do it while she was still alive i was a coward who let the only person that meant anything to me die and now i have to live with that for the rest of my life
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I have caved and am going the medicinal route this week for agoraphobia/ panic/ depression . Any advice or experience? 28-year-old male with a bit of a drug phobia. Don’t even drink alcohol because I’m afraid of her will make me feel. I feel like this is my next step. Any advice?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I want to be done with this. I'm so fucking tired of never experiencing what a relationship is like. I just sat in the shower and cried like a fucking loser for an hour about it. I finally finished my security guard class today only to find out that security guards don't make jack shit salary wise. IM SO FUCKING SICK OF NEVER BEING AHEAD IN LIFE I WANT TO BLOW MY GOD DAMN BRAINS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I’ve been Molested and touched as a kid one my parents know about from a step uncle asking me to touch him in order to watch dragon ball z at night when I was supposed to be going to bed [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Parents leave for Florida tomorrow while I’m at work, makes me not want to go to work They are going to take care of my grandparents who just moved down there. They come back Monday night. I have awful separation anxiety, on top of GAD and panic disorder. I am literally so scared to be home in a completely different state (Ohio). I always think somethings going to happen to me when they’re not here to help me, like a heart attack or a brain aneurysm. I am freaking the fuck out. I have been doing so good until today. I want to vomit!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Tomorrow night i die Im 21 years old. October i lost both of my parents in a car crash. Last week my girlfriend left me for another man. Today i bought my favorite bottle of champagne and a rifle. Tomorrow night i will go into the woods. There i will have my last drink before shooting myself.
I hope everyone in this subreddit finds a better solution than me.
Goodbye
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone else feel like they don't even know who they are anymore? Everytime I look in the mirror. I see somebody else.
|
self.depression
|
I'm considering suicide because I feel left out I have great friends, and I truly love most facets of my life, however I feel left out from everyone else because I have never had a romantic relationship. When I first came to college it was fine because there were some who were like me and I didn't feel alone, but now all my friends are either in relationships or on the cusps of one and I feel like I'll just be left alone. I don't like to consider myself and incel because of the assumptions people have about them. I don't hate women or anything, they just have never been interested in me. I have asked several out and gotten rejected every time. I feel silly for being on the verge of suicide despite having such great friends, but romantically I'm so alone that it feels like the only escape.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Nicotine withdrawal is making me want to die My vaporiser broke and I'm out of tobacco, and I'm too poor to replace either. The nicotine withdrawal is awful. A load of stupid cunts have been telling me to 'just get over it', but on top of my depression and psychosis I'm suffering so much and I just want to die. I've already been slashing at my wrists so I'm feeling a different kind of pain.
|
self.depression
|
I look like the Sloth from The Goonies fell in to a wood chipper and got redecorated on the back of a baboon’s arse; I think this is a most appropriate reason to die. Is that weird? [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
One last time Today I went to see a play. After the play, I needed a ride from my roommates. They couldn’t or wouldn’t give me one. This brought me back to a crippling realization that I am alone. I have no friends, and I never will. This is something I’ve struggled to grapple with for many years. I’ve begun to accept it the past month. After I spent two hours walking home, I bought a knife from a Walgreens by my home along with some school supplies so I don’t appear suspicious. I need to kill myself now. I can’t take this crippling loneliness anymore. It tears me apart how empty everything is. I’ve posted earlier on here saying that I was going to shoot myself, but I didn’t know gun laws in my state. I found out I can’t get a gun if I’m under twenty one. I just dealt with the pain, and pressed on. Now it’s just too fucking much. I only feel poison and toxicity from me. I can’t get better. Life is just a pitfall right now. There isn’t going to be another day. This isn’t a call for help by the way. This is a note. Goodbye.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Which do you find easier to hide - mania or depression? What are symptoms (of either) that you're unable to hide, from friends/family members/co-workers? Trying to pass off as stable to the outside world while I do my best to get my shit under control with therapy and meds. I'm curious about people's experiences trying to control their symptoms in front of other people. Especially at work -- my most fragile and high stakes relationships...
|
self.bipolar
|
Engineering politics I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. (And I know everyone has their own things to deal with that are far more important than mine but here goes). At the beginning of my college "career" I settled for a mechanical engineering major but I'm not sure if I like this path, or what to do with it, or if there are even any internships that don't require 2 years of previous experience for an entry level position, I want to change to a more business oriented major. I thought a good compromise would be engineering Management but those extra classes for the "Management" part are going to cost me more than double the usual price per credit because of some idiotic law here in Florida that doesn't like students staying longer than intended for their Major's. And on a side note the only positive outcome from Trump's presidency, in my opinion (this is not a political debate,don't start one), is that I've become more interested in politics and have come to realize how inefficient our country really is and how absurd the role our government plays in day to day life and how much money influences the direction of most policies. So that got me thinking how can I be the first engineer in history,that I know of, to get into politics?
|
self.offmychest
|
having kids EDIT: this post has been made a lot and I forgot to search. But maybe the bonus question is still of interest.
I'm leaning heavily towards never having kids, but I do wonder about it sometimes. I'm 30 male. I think kids are great, but I have to devote a lot of my emotional energy to myself. And stress is not a help. Then there's always the chance of my kid of having bipolar, but that by itself probably wouldn't stop me.
BONUS question: To anyone else who likes kids but doesn't have any, do you get time around them in personal life? Family perhaps?
|
self.bipolar
|
Had a massive anxiety attack today, not sure how to proceed. I guess this is more just me trying to get this off my chest, out of my body. Today I had my first massive anxiety attack at a friends house. I felt weird since waking up, but didn’t know what to contribute it too. Anyways, we were playing a game and halfway through I couldn’t sit in my chair anymore and my heart felt like it was going to explode. My vision changed, I felt like there was a thousand pounds of adrenaline in my body. I felt like crying and vomiting and running away all at the same time. Fucking miserable. I couldn’t describe what was happening to my friend, I just kept saying “somethings wrong somethings really wrong” and he was able to figure it out. He gave me some CBD pills and took me into the sunlight to get out of the house.
Eventually, he gave me one of his PRN anxiety meds because I wasn’t chilling out (I know, not a great practice).
I have since chilled out, but I still feel like impending doom. I am so amped that this is going to happen again. I feel like my anxiety about my anxiety is going to cause this episode again. God.
How do I proceed from here? I’ve never been medicated for my low levels of constant anxiety. I use to see a therapist, but haven’t in years. I just don’t want another attack to happen I would rather just die. Fuck I am sorry I feel this whole post is just anxiety.
|
self.Anxiety
|
The Secret World of Lost Socks Why does my “official” sock drawer have fewer socks than my “lost sock drawer”? Please someone, tell me why so many socks form pairs no more. Do you, too, have dozens of lonely socks waiting for their mates? Is there a world out there, like the Island of Misfits, where lost socks wait?
Sometimes when I’m delinquent doing laundry, I find myself with no sock choices. I’ve been known to open the “lost sock drawer” in hopes I’ll hear the voices of some pairs of choices. After all, when I put my clean laundry away there’s always going to be at least one or two stray. With luck, there are some reunited pairs in there. A match of socks sure would be fair!
If I score a find, I smile, and remove them from the huge deep pile, but when they’re on my feet, what often shows are two big holes above my toes. Other times their elasticity has gone, so when I put both of them on, one stands straight around my shin, the other falls down and shows it’s ready for the garbage bin. I’ve been known to wear a mismatched pair, if they don’t show through my shoes and below my pants, why should I even bother to care?
Ever since my mental illness disabled me, I feel I’ve lost some parts of me. I’m no longer able to do some of the things I used to do. This could stop me from living my life, but I’ve learned that the part of me that still exists, if gone, would be very sorely missed. So I will do my best to treasure what I have, and keep it safe in its proper place. The lost elements that have gone from me, will hopefully dance together forever in outer space.
|
self.bipolar
|
I want to be numb please help I’m tired of everything... I don’t want to feel anymore, I don’t care anymore, is there pills I can take to make me emotionally numb or something? I’m seriously over life, people, and everything. I don’t want to die but I want to disappear. So how can I numb myself? I don’t care about anyone anymore.
|
self.depression
|
Why am I keep doing the things to me that I know are bad for me? Like I'm living lve super unhealthy.. Haven't eaten again all day. haven't been outside. Fuck.
|
self.depression
|
Is it okay for my boyfriend to be saying this to me? We just got back together and he still hasn't changed.
During our phone conversation tonight, he said something about if he had the opportunity to sleep with Beyonce then he would.
Before that he said that it would be his lucky day if some beautiful girl threw her vagina in his face, and then that's when he said that a man having a car would really make women go after him.
He plans on getting a car soon. I'm wondering that maybe he will use the car to get other women? He doesn't want me to have any male friends, so I had to break it off with caring platonic friends for him. He says that he needs me in his life, but I think he just says that because he feels he can't get anyone else, I don't know. He's a very good looking man.
He is very VERY possessive of me. I have broke it off with him a dozen times and during the times when I have changed my number, blocked his emails, he has been showing up to my job at the post office, he has been emailing me everyday, making fake Facebook accounts to contact me. The other day he showed up at my job, I wasn't there, and he was told by my co-worker that I wasn't there. We were on the phone talking about him showing up to my job, and he thought that I said I was at work that day he showed up. He then said to me, "Oh I thought you just said you were really at work that day. You know I would be very angry with you right now if you told your coworker to tell me you weren't there when you really were".
I don't know what to do, but I do know that I am so in love with this man. I don't want to break up with him because I don't like the anger and abuse I get when I leave him. I feel like I let him down when I leave him. I tell him that the reason I leave him is because he talks about his lust for other women and then that's when he tells me that he loves me and not lusts for me.
Since he is so very possessive of me, does that mean he loves me? I need men to answer this. If you screw another girl would you still be in love with your former girlfriend? Because I don't care who he gives his dick too, I am just concerned about who he gives his heart to.
So is it okay for him to lust for other women as long as he loves me?
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm a misogynyist and I don't care Or at least I get called a misogynyist. These young liberals will pile on any label fashionable like xenophobe transphobic with Trump. I'm 17 so I don't care if I'm a misogynyist I done heard these labels thrown around too much, if you say 1 thing about women and it's negative it's misogynyistic sexist chauvinist bigotry. I'm done with this shit.
|
self.offmychest
|
Went out downtown for New Years, and I feel even more alone than in my flat Currently sitting 100m away from the Eiffel Tower. Had no friends to come with, it's crowded with families, couples, groups of friend and I feel so alone.
I'm cold, well dressed but for nobody.
|
self.offmychest
|
So I was taking Latuda all wrong So I've been taking my Latuda and sleeping pill all wrong. every medication Ive been on, when it says take with food it means to at least have a little something on your stomach so you dont projectile vomit. When it says take on an empty stomach, I just assumed that meant as long as you hadnt eaten anything substantial in like 30 to an hour. A little snack was ok. I was taking both Latuda and sleeping pill with light snack before bed. Welp. Thats not how it works. Taking with food has nothing to with puking when it comes to Latuda. If you dont take it with at least 350-450 calories, it doesnt get absorbed. Latuda will get destroyed by your stomach acid before any benefits of the medication can get into your body. As for ambien, empty stomach MEANS empty stomach. No food at least 2 preferably 3 hours before. Ive been taking my meds right since Thursday. I can tell a difference but my body is still getting used to it. I came in to work today, had 5 people ask me if I was ok and one asking if a smoked a blunt before I came to work I looked so tired and zombified. Im beginning to feel better now though.
|
self.bipolar
|
Just Quit My "Friend" Group They were sharing pictures of a guy who doesn't have many friends in our group chat and taking the mick out of him. I am too old to deal with that level of school yard bullshit. Fuck em. I will find better friends.
|
self.offmychest
|
Fuck mobile banking Goddammit I'm being hit with all these damn fees putting me in overdraft because mobile banking is so fucked that you can actually deposit an old check twice and my account might be closed. I don't have time for this shit man fuck the world.
|
self.depression
|
So Depressed I'm having a really hard time with depression. Nothing makes me feel good. Nothing. I can't escape being numb/malaise. I fell like a zombie. On top of that I'm on Latuda which makes me feel like shit, and I want to taper off and go up on my Pristiq (just waiting on my prescription). I'm scared of the withdrawals though. I just need some encouragement, someone to tell me it's going to be ok.
|
self.bipolar
|
i tried and failed I was on a night out, on my uni campus, I was rather drunk and got overly emotional. Before i know it I'm trying to climb over a railing, 30ft from the car park below.
My friend grabs me and pulls me back before I can get my leg over and so I run away from him as security guards see whats happening and try to intervene.
I'm so distressed at this point, I ran as fast as i could to another railing and climb over and i'm stood there.
My toes are over the edge and im leaning off, away from the railing, towards the ground, I hesitated a moment too long though and a load of security guards grab me.
I tried to fight them and I actually let go of the railings, I was pulling away from them, and if they hadnt have grabbed me i'd have fallen. but they pulled me over the railing and onto the floor.
Im crying and shaking and spend the next two hours sat waiting for paramedics in the uni library with security guards watching me constantly.
Paramedics came, talked to me for a bit and offered me a lift home, as they pack their stuff up I sprinted out of the library doors and run off campus as fast as i can.
Spent the rest of the evening walking back to my house, as slow as i could in the middle of the road, hoping for a car to hit me.
Im fucking pathetic
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Not Manic Well...I've been manic for a while. It's been amaizing. Productive, sociable, drugs, sex of course, ideas and projects and only mild overspending. Made a new friend who I consider to be very very close. He also has bipolar. We met with intentions of sex but didn't and are now just great buddies. Had hallucinations, delusions, etc but not enough to warrant much concern.
Anyway, I'm officially not manic after having slept all yesterday (like 4am-1130; 4pm-6pm; like 630pm-about 1230 this afternoon). And I'm not sad or anything. But I am bored. I can't really think of anything. I don't have anything I want to do. Basically I don't have any cravings (except the mania I just came out of lol). I've never had a mania that was so euphoric. Anyway...yeah. not really sure what to do now.
|
self.bipolar
|
I was about to propose to my girlfriend and she unexpectedly left me for someone else. She broke my heart, so I made a video. I loved my girlfriend very much. We dated for 5 years. We lived together for 3 years. We did everything together. I was finally ready to purpose to her. I bought the ring. I planned a surprise. The night before my planned proposal, she told me that she wasn't happy. She caught me completely off guard. She told me there was someone else. It crushed me. My world felt like it was crashing down on me. Nothing made sense. For months, I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't do anything. Until one day I started writing my feelings down. I wrote in a spoken form of poetry. It made me feel better. I decided to record it and make a video to share my story, my feelings and my thoughts.
The video can be seen on Youtube and is titled:
LOVE, HEARTBREAK & PERSEVERANCE || SPOKEN WORD
by Michael Pillarella
|
self.offmychest
|
I can't take care of myself but I don't know how to tell anyone [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
10 years diagnosed. I am 24 and this year marks my 10th year being diagnosed with severe depressive disorder. Somehow, I thought as time went on it would be easier. But the more time goes, the harder it gets to deal with everything. I second guess myself all the time. I find it so difficult to even breathe because any movement or effort is completely and totally exhausting. I feel emotionally, mentally, and physically spent. I didn’t expect to make it this long. So many times I almost gave up. I wanted to. I wanted to pain to just end. I think about how bad I feel at 24 and I wonder if I’ll be able to handle it when I’m 34, 54, 74. I think about how amazing and supportive my husband is, and somehow that makes me feel worse for being so damn depressed. I try. I really try. I want to push past it, but it’s like a hurricane and tornado are colliding inside me at all times wreaking havoc on my mind. I’m becoming more forgetful, I’m unable to focus, I have a horrible time trying to study for college. I just feel like I’m at a breaking point all the time. Every single damn minute is a struggle not to break. I wonder if that will ever end.
|
self.depression
|
When my phone goes off I pray it's from you... but it never is.
I hope I get a second chance to make things right. I miss you. I'm sorry.
|
self.offmychest
|
I feel like dying again I've struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was 10. It's getting harder to fight the older I get. I'm taking a trip to New York City soon, and I keep having this reoccurring thought that I should just jump off a bridge while I'm there.
I'm not happy. I've been working hard for years to get to a point where I can be at least content, but I'm not. I don't like my life. I've made so many mistakes. My life has been a downward spiral for as long as I can remember. Every time I think things can't get worse, they do. When I was younger, I was willing to do anything to get out of the situation I was in, and because of that...I've ended up in a place that I just can't leave. I don't want to be here. I don't want this life. I hate it.
I have no friends. No extended family. No job or education. No skills. No hobbies. Each day is filled with things to pass the time and to hopefully distract me from how much I hate my life. I don't know how to be better. I don't know how to not be depression or anxious. It's been my entire life of just....this. Even medication doesn't help. What's the point in trying anymore? What if it never gets better for me?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Wish I could talk with someone My mom has stage one breast cancer, in a milk duct. I am aware that is pretty much as good as it gets if you're going to have cancer. She had preop yesterday, RFID will be today, nuclear medicine the next day, and surgery a couple days later.
I can't sleep, I haven't been able to think all day. I really want to be held and to cry and with with someone. However, I'm trying to respect my mom's wishes as she doesn't anyone to know besides family. My husband knows, but he's not really available right now. He's on day 13 of a 90 program through the twelve steps and I am fucking alone.
|
self.offmychest
|
No one will ever care I don't expect anyone to read this so here's a rant. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Tips to sleep on abilify? I've just started Abilify (taken in the morning) a little over a week ago (2nd time i've restarted this med) and I'm having an extremely hard time sleeping. Without any medications to help sleep I'm getting maybe 1-2 hours a sleep a night. With Seroquel i'm getting 3-4 hours of sleep, with weed (I know I shouldn't really take it when starting medications but it's the only thing that keeps me asleep all night) I can manage to sleep the entire night and feel rested. The problem is I don't have weed at the moment and I won't be able to for a couple days and I'm starting my classes and I need sleep to function and i'm going to also start working in a day or two. Any tips on how to sleep (that doesn't involve alcohol)?
Sorry I'm desperate for sleep and i'm very tired
Edit: so I actually found a decent solution, not the best but it does a decent job. I take a tincture of melatonin (I've forgot to keep it under my tongue) and cogentin (which I used to take but not anymore) and the sedative effects seem to work ok and a lot better than seroquel. Thanks guys!
|
self.bipolar
|
Hey Guys, first post. Basic background:
Male, 24, first manic episode began June 2016, was in denial after diagnosis and 2nd manic episode completely destroyed my life. Have also just come out of a major depressive episode that lasted 14 months or so.
QUESTION: I am finally in a good place, I hit a turning point (will go into in a different post) which resulted in me coming out of some serious depression. I am now happy and excited because I thought I was always going to be in that state and would never emerge out of it. I even gained enough energy to start hitting the gym again (normal energy not I'm good to go days without sleep energy).
This happiness and stuff feels so new to me and I always question if I'm going into a manic episode or not, it stresses me out because if I was I would be really ticked off at the whole me getting bipolar situation and would be back at square one. I run through my manic checklist which is:
Am I taking my meds
Am I sleeping with ease and for enough hours AND waking up feeling refreshed
Am I erratic and/or acting crazy like I did in previous manic episodes
Do I have high pressure speech
Etc etc
Essentially I just compare how I am feeling right now to my previous manic episodes.
I think in okay but that voice in the back of my head stresses me out.
Let me know if you guys ever encounter this problem and how you deal with it.
Thanks
|
self.bipolar
|
scared of possible retaliation, seeking advice! I live in a bad inner city neighborhood. my street is mostly warehouses and a few residential homes. there are two large homeless shelters nearby, so I get tons of vagrants who just hang around and loiter on my street. they are terrible people, but they have serious issues that im aware of.
they walk around all day/night screaming and fighting, smoking and selling crack, drinking malt liquor and littering my yard, the street, the local business' front lots. they are just very unpleasant, intimidating, disrespectful people who just don't go away because they have nowhere to go.
it is making my living here a hell having to put up with it and clean up their shit off my front yard. tired of hearing them cuss, scream, blast their music through a little boombox all day and all night. so i've been in contact with the local police about all this. I keep calling and nothing seems to happen. they (police) came tonight and actually stopped and came to my house to talk to me. i'm sure a few of these vagrants saw me talking to the police. I am a little nervous they might screw with me now or harm me since I have been calling the police. but what should I have done? I pay alot of rent and taxes to live here and it is very uncomfortable. I have to fear for my life and my belongings while putting up with all the other nuisance.
should I be scared? I'm always very cautious but Im scared they may do something. please help
p.s. these people broke out my neighbor's car windows the second night they moved here btw. they stole all their shit.
|
self.offmychest
|
7 hours left in my shift and I don't know how I'm gonna get through it feeling the way I do I'm stressed as fuck about shit outside of work. I've been in unhealthy thought spirals for a while but the past few days I have literally not even eaten one piece of food. I have no energy and I cannot get a hold of my thoughts. I need to shut this fucking brain off.
|
self.Anxiety
|
My mom now knows how lost I am on Christmas Eve, and I'm afraid that I hurt her The only people who know about my years-long depression are my closest friends and my mother, after she found my AD meds. About a year ago she found them in my medicine bag, freaked out, and confronted me about it. I told her that I had been struggling with depression and was seeing a counselor and psychiatrist through my university. I told her about my suicidal thoughts, but I tried to make sure she didn't know that I had left our family's Christian faith and the extend of my struggling.
Fast forward to today, Christmas Eve. She had been noticing my mood sour as Christmas approached, and she must have noticed my depression becoming exasperated more and more each time I visited home. She was walking with me in Target as I purchased some last-minute gifts, persistently trying to get me to talk to her about my mood. Eventually she sat down with me and refused to leave until I told her what was wrong.
The conversation started with me recapping my perception of hopelessness, how I struggled to be happy, and I asked her if she had ever seen me feel "joy". Then she asked me, "are you a Christian?"
I told her no. I told her that I had lost my faith at 15, and I became defensive, which she pointed out. I tried to justify my point of view, but I couldn't articulate myself while holding off a breakdown. I must have come across as a fedora neckbeard, even though I hate that kind of attitude. She said that I was self-righteous and condescending to my family, which is probably true. A whole can of worms about my lack of faith was opened, and I told her that I don't think that I am a good person. How I feel that I'm a psychopath and can't connect with people. How I haven't pursued relationships because I can't bring myself to care about people. And that I didn't want to hurt her, but that this was the honest truth.
---
I think I've broken my mom's heart and it is painful that she now knows the extent of my misery and feelings of depravity. She thinks that I've shit all over her religion, when I've poorly conveyed that I think this is a matter of perspective, not intelligence. Tomorrow is Christmas, and I don't know if things can ever be the same between me and my mom, though she isn't giving up on me. I feel so lost and angry at myself for not continuing to protect her from the truth, and she must think I'm a husk of a person now (which I am). I'm sorry that this seems like a post going in no direction. Where do I go from here, reddit?
|
self.depression
|
So anxious I’m sick.. I haven’t been this anxious in a long time. Since I was with my ex boyfriend and in a really bad place. My new boyfriend.. fiancé, has been distant and pretty much isn’t paying any attention to me as usual.
Anyway, how do I get out of this hole. I’m sick to my stomach, I can’t eat, I haven’t left my house in days. I have to work a full day shift tomorrow and I can’t imagine getting out of bed let alone traveling an hour on public transit and spending 8 hours actually interacting with the public.
I guess my issues are no worse than anyone else. I’m just lonely and extremely anxious.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I killed someone driving drunk, the only way I see out is killing myself A few weeks ago I killed someone in a crash while I was driving drunk.
The blood test results aren't back yet, but I know I'm going to be over... There was also weed in my car, and empty beer cans.
I can't stand living with the shame of this... what I did to this girl and her family, and what I'm putting my family through.
I don't know if there's any reason for me to keep going. I have a .44 magnum and I had it in my mouth earlier, but couldn't pull the trigger just yet... But I know I'm going to eventually.
I don't see any point in going on with life. I took someone else's life in a stupid selfish act, it only seems fair.
I can't make my family go through a year or more of legal battles over this, to only go to jail for 10+ years. That's not fair to them, and we aren't rich and it would basically bankrupt the family.
Is there any point in going on? All signs say suicide is the best option. Make the other family happy that I'm gone (or they at least feel like they got justice), save my family financial future, and end my own mental suffering both from the knowledge I killed someone and the unknown that is coming for me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What is depression to you? What is your coping mechanism? i imagine that depression, like any emotion, is a kaleidoscope of various ranges and interpretations. To those who are a skeptic of depression (aka the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" sort), this post is not for you. im sure there are others channels to accommodate such arguments (like whether global warming is real). For me, this serves two purpose: one, a rather pathetic way of screaming into the void, and two, curiosity on how others internalize and deal with it.
Ill start with the tangible. i take buproprion and venlafaxine, and i also smoke and drink (the last one probably too much). My mood is mostly manageable (as in not having a existential breakdown), with even brief sunspots of happiness or contentment. however, usually about once to twice a week, i start thinking i wouldn't mind if i got caught in some shootout, or barreled down a big-rig, or any other like-minded forms of demise. i should also state my depression is not situation based (aka no job, no significant other, no children, etc. etc.). My fiance, young son, and i live in a two bedroom, two bathroom apt. in a good neighborhood, so suffice to say, things could be far more dire.
To me, depression is a inadequate supply of emotional energy
to care sufficiently about yourself, others, or possessions. lets say your a car fanatic; just absolutely bonkers about them. lets also say you have a top of the line, fully refurbished, polished to a diamond-esk sheen, antique (insert fancy car name here). You love this car so much your wife is jealous. now, one day youre parked by the beak on a incline; you turn around, and your baby is starting to roll down the street towards the pier. Now, you could probably catch up, jump in and pull the emergency break. Instead you watch the thing that means so much to you just roll down the street, off the pier, and slowly sink in the salty abyss. Just didn't have enough emotional energy to care. That's what depression is to me.
let me know what you think, fellow depressives...i would say have a good day.....but......yeah......
|
self.depression
|
I miss my grandma, she was basically my mom. Please read all of it and understand why I’m not going to live longer. 2 years ago I was in great shape, living with my grandma and mom, sisters, and their Dad.
My grandma, has always been my mother figure.
My mom was a drug addict and my dad recovered and had his own family.
I grew up with her, she despised me because my grandpa spoiled me and hated my cousin who was 10 months older than me.
But when my grandpa died, she had this sorrow for me.
And as I got older, I strived and became a better person.
She was such a parental figure, that there’s pictures of us at my dog’s obedience school.
Here I am, 19, overweight, sleeping on my friend’s couch, knowing my dad hasn’t talked to me in a long time, probably out there doing drugs.
My mom is on meth again, my sister’s went to their grandma from their dad’s side because he sucks ass too
I have 8 siblings, and they all have their mom or grandparents.
I don’t…have anyone. My dad had a lot of kids with his ex-wife before and after me, my mom had kids with a guy after me. I’m literally the fuckin middle fuck up fling.
I remember telling my grandma, “I miss grandpa, but his death made us adapt and stronger”
I told her this as a way to make her feel better, to think “They’ll be okay”
I remember, you had to have good attendance to walk during graduation.
My grandma bought my cap and gown, despite me saying I didn’t wanna walk.
She was diagnosed in April of 2016, 2 months before graduation. With “6 months to live”
I couldn’t walk. But they had a “Make up days in lunch detention”
So she had me go everyday.
I did. I knew “I might literally be the only grandchild she sees graduate”. My cousin who she felt bad for as a kid, dropped out, did drugs, she even wanted him to go to adult school and offered to take him to get his GED. He said “fuck that”
I got my cap and gown, made up days.
Her last week, she got too weak to move.
Her last days, she couldn’t talk.
This was early June, a week before graduation.
I went to my aunt’s, who had my grandma there.
I walked in with my cap and gown to show her, but she barely looked at me and couldn’t react. It wasn’t her fault, I know that.
I went to my graduation.
My piece of shit mom was there, and my stupid ass dad who I didn’t see for two years, and even then he saw me in 10th grade to “make up by giving my phone back and buying me clothes only if he could claim me on his taxes”
He did, but didn’t get me shit.
You see, my grandpa died in 2010 and my grandma had a heart attack a few months after.
My mom was in rehab and my dad welcomed me into his family. But 1.5 years later, 2012, he got a divorce.
He spiraled back into drugs and emotionally and mentally abused me. Made me do sports, my grades went from A’s and B’s to C’s and a D or two. This was 9th and a little of 10th grade.
He took my phone claiming “I changed” and had to get my grades up.
I left and went back to my grandmas, who was back on her feet at this point.
Then he comes later in 10th grade with this promise, claims me for taxes and bails again. I was fuckin livid and heartbroken.
11th grade comes, my mom relapses and goes crazy a little, my dad is gone, and our house burns down.
We go to my moms, and I got my grades up, told sports to fuck off, and lost 25 pounds before senior year by hitting the gym.
I was ready, I had this.
But then we go back to where she got cancer, I was hurt.
I know so many people have it worse, I feel like such a bitch.
My grandma died 12 hours after my graduation.
I woke up, told my mom “Let’s go get my diploma”, because at the ceremony, they only gave us the holder because if they handed out the actual diplomas it’d be a clusterfuck.
She just looked at me and said “Grandma’s gone”
I felt like I just got fucked in the ass mentally.
It’s so unfair.
At 210 pounds, acne and acne scars, full time job. My sister is waiting for me to get a car to take her to school.
I’ve been selling my consoles to get by before my first check from my new job,video games have always been my escape and I can’t even be who I wanna be with that
I’m just, a shadow now.
I wish my grandma would walk through the door and hug me and say “it’s gonna be okay, I’m here”
I thought my friend’s parents would sympathize and let me stay for free. I was wrong, shouldn’t have assumed.
I’m stressed out, everyday.
None of my friend’s have it perfect, but they get to wake up and know it’s gonna be okay. I’m glad they don’t have to experience this, but I’m so jealous.
Its not like I’m perfect in an imperfect life, I’m only human.
I try getting a girlfriend, but the friends that are girls I talk to, only like me “as a friend”
It’s not their fault, they want either a physically attractive man or mentally attractive man, or both. I can’t offer either. Just like I want a pretty girl who can understand, we all have standards and that’s okay.
It’s not like my other siblings are experiencing this, my older siblings and younger siblings always have somewhere to go too with family.
I’m just me…what the fuck.
I’m here, this is really happening. I literally got fucked.
I wanna listen to my favorite song, think of all the happy things that went away. And jump off a bridge.
I don’t wanna live for the sake of living.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm schizophrenic (or something like it) and I don't want to be on meds. I'm only 21 and I've been on so many medications. So fucking many, it's just one after the other and I eventually quit them on my own because I *hate* them. I hate the side effects. I hate not being able to cry when I'm sad, I hate that I don't laugh as much, I hate not having a sex drive, I hate that if I miss a pill I feel like shit.
So I quit taking them, and eventually, the psychosis comes back. I get delusional, I hallucinate more, I get paranoid and anxious and I stop taking care of myself.
Usually, my delusions are nonsensical and they don't hurt anyone but me. Things like thinking 'They' (random shadow figures idk) are everywhere, watching me from wherever i'm not looking. Or thinking aliens are surveying the earth, but especially me because i know about them and that they want to hurt/kill me to keep it a secret. Or that everyone around me, especially cops/doctors/celebrities are lizard people wearing human skin. (Yeah, idk, that's actually a common conspiracy theory that I read about and then got carried away with).
But not the last time this happened, but the time before it, I thought my mom was trying to convince me to kill myself. I thought she had been doing exactly that since the day I was born, and everything she'd ever done was part of her trying to convince me to kill myself. I cut her off and I really hurt her. Things are okay now, but it made me realize that I'm capable of hurting people. And what if i have a delusion that someone is trying to hurt me, and I "defend myself"? What if I hurt some innocent person because I'm crazy and I think they're scared?
I don't want to live on meds. I'm unhappy. I'm miserable on them, I hate it and i hate who I am on them, I hate my quality of life. But if I'm not on them, I go crazy for random periods of time and there's a chance I could hurt somebody. I can't do this anymore. I don't know what to do. There are no solutions to this, there's nothing that can fix it, this is just what my life is. Miserable and medicated, or miserable, crazy, but unmedicated.
I'm also thousands of dollars in debt with shitty credit due to hospital bills, including bills from my last suicide attempt. I don't work because my mental health is shit (I'm also autistic) and I can't even take a fucking shower regularly, how am I supposed to go to work? But I'm not 'disabled enough' to get SSI according to the social security office and the judge at my least SSI hearing.
This SUCKS. I hate this. I hate my life, I hate who I am, I hate what my life will always be and I hate every single medication they have ever put me on. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't keep doing this. I am literally, *literally* only alive because someone is co-writing with me and I want to finish the story. But the story is just fucked up, will never be published, and is basically just a mixture of us venting our past sexual trauma.
I feel like everyone would be better without me because I'm a financial burden and I could hurt them, one day, because I won't stay on my fucking meds.
I don't know what I'm looking for here. I'm just... looking for something, anything at all that I haven't heard before. I know there's nothing anyone can say, but this is like a last-ditch effort before I say fuck it and end it all.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Depressive blankness has stolen who I am... I’m a 25 year old female and don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve struggled with anxiety since I was 19 and depression a lot heavier the past two years. Depression to the point where I’m in bed all day for months. I’ve tried countless medications, therapy. I’ve lost all my friendships because I’ve isolated myself and feel so lost and alone. I literally cannot talk to my boyfriend anymore bc my mind is just blank so we sit in silence most of the time when I muster up the courage to see him—i feel like I’m wasting his time. I had high aspirations, an awesome personality, and don’t know how to escape this rut when you are so self aware of how changed you’ve become. I’m broke, live with my mom, and don’t see my situation improving because my mind is so blank I cannot participate in life anymore and it’s affected my hen ability to keep a job for a period. How can you continue to love yourself and strive for a better tomorrow when you know that this isn’t you?
|
self.depression
|
vent.... I hate my fucking father. He is an old fucking piece of shit that doesnt or EVER treats me like a human let alone a son. Becuase of him im ruined for life. I hope he soon fucking dies and rots in hell and is tortured for eternity. Fuck him die already please fucking DIE ALREADY out of my life
|
self.depression
|
Is my anxiety getting in the way of my relationship? I've been with my bf for a little over a year now. I've always been kind of reserved about the relationship, because it was my first "real" relationship after being in a long-distance one for years that was completely the opposite of healthy, but I wanted to ride it out and see what happened. The problem is that I feel like my anxiety and depression are getting in the way of how I could actually feel in this relationship. He's not perfect, but pretty damn close, and he does almost everything right. There have been times when I've felt extremely close to him, and I'm pretty sure I was in love. But then something would happen, like he would make a joke about something, or say something a certain way, or act a certain way, and it would all disappear. Not completely, because I still have love for him, but I'd just feel... meh. And these things that he'd do are not serious at all. They're not condescending or degrading or anything. They are things that I would just overthink. It's so frustrating because once in a blue moon I will feel this different kind of happiness with him that I want to feel all the time, but then it just disappears and I don't know what to do. I start over thinking it and put myself into an anxiety-driven depressed state, and I start thinking that maybe I should break up with him, but then I see him in person and those thoughts go away, but I still don't feel as close to him as I could. Sometimes I will go over to his house and we'll just be hanging out like usual, and after the visit I'll notice either sometime in the week or the next time I see him that I am more attracted to him, for lack of a better way to put it. But then sometimes I'll leave that visit feeling meh again. So I guess I'm just asking if anyone has any advice or insight as to why my feelings are doing this to me. I don't know why I start to feel so happy with him so randomly, and I don't know why it disappears. I don't even know if this is the right place to post this. I know how much he loves me and I just want to feel the same way towards him consistently, especially since I know I can feel that way towards him, and it's one of the best feelings.
|
self.Anxiety
|
There's no point of life except for suicide. Happiness in only temporary while pain is permanent. You could attempt too avoid pain all you want with happiness, but that's the thing happiness is only temporary. Happiness is that bottle of wine, that video game you enjoy, hanging out with friends, or whatever makes you happy its all just FUCKING temporary.
Explaining the situation I'm in is too long of a story, but today when I had my break I just cried for 20 minutes straight, I'm 21 and I don't think I ever cried like that time ever in my life. It was my breaking point, I had many opportunities to avoid this, but that doesn't matter because what does is who I am as a person and what a disappointment I've become to myself and to my family.
Everyone has their story and I can write another shitty life in my post, but after living 21 years of my life I'm going to take every opportunity I can to kill myself so I can finally get rid of this pain. If anyone can tell me what's the point of living in this world with just pain in your body and soul tell me, and don't tell me hope.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Mixed episodes feel like being on those spinney rides at the fair but you just ate way too much so you feel like shit but you also have that adrenaline rush too Basically, they suck
|
self.bipolar
|
Life became boring I'm here, again, just lurking around reddit, wasting my time, waiting for "something" to happen. I feel worthless at times because I'm not being productive, but I can't bring myself to begin. And I want that to change but I don't know how.
|
self.depression
|
Everyday it seems like it can't get worse then the next morning your proven wrong.
|
self.depression
|
i've had constant air hunger for over a month Life got really stressful for me mid-September and I started experiencing this really awful feeling of air hunger; that I constantly needed to be yawning or breathing as deeply as I could to feel better, and sometimes that the breaths I was taking weren't 'going through'.
It got really bad and I thought something was physically wrong so I went to a doctor and was told I was fine but was given an inhaler to try that did nothing. I realized as it got better and worse at random and would go away when I was distracted that it was probably anxiety.
It's been a month now, that September stresser is long over, but the feeling hasn't gone away. It's not as bad as it was at first but it's a constant, nagging feeling that gets significantly worse at night when I'm just lying in the dark thinking about it and suddenly convince myself that I'm suffocating and going to die in my sleep. I can't stop obsessing over it and I know that that's making it worse.
Most posts I see say that if you just breathe normally and smoothly and ignore the feeling to take a deep breath that your body will regulate itself and go back to normal but no matter what I do I always end up taking the deep breath because the feeling doesn't go away. I feel like it's going to drive me crazy if it goes on any longer, has anyone experienced the same thing?
|
self.Anxiety
|
How to deal with loneliness ? I'm a 24 years old guy, I had friends during elementary school I loved to play with but when I entered middle school they went to other schools and we stopped seeing each other, I got a bit bullied during middle and high school and it caused me to have no friends and hate people and I learnt to live my life alone and to keep my thoughts and such to myself since I had no one to talk to, but since like 4 years I started to feel the loneliness and it made me depressed in a way, I still have no friends, idk I must be a monster or very very very different from the rest of the people, I'm sure I must lack social skills or something since I haven't had a "friend" for like idk 12 years, like someone with who I could hang out, laugh etcc. Idk why I'm posting this honestly maybe some people could relate to what I'm saying or something.
Anyway have a nice day
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Worried I'm gonna drop out in last two weeks of high school? I'm graduating early so I have like two-ish weeks left of high school. But I've been working most of break so I never got a chance to sleep in or "reset" I guess... Anyways I don't think I can do it. I had been missing school more and more often before break started. It's so hard to get out of bed. Everyone I've asked just says "push through it" but how... I'm losing any will to go at all, I used to be able to force myself to just do stuff whether I wanted to or not but not anymore.
|
self.Anxiety
|
23 days ago I tried to kill myself and have been dealing with it mostly by myself ever since. Things feel like they've changed so much yet barely anything's changed at all. One change is I have a couple friends I told about it and can talk mostly freely to, but I'm tired of worrying if my complaining is a burden to them.
Since then my life has gotten better in few ways but in others ways have gotten much worse, I've made a couple major mistakes, starting popping pills, gotten some bad grades. I'm in the same place I was in life when I tried to kill myself but just a little more shitty.
I had done a lot of research beforehand and even though I failed my attempt to kill myself I know what I did wrong and won't fail if I try again. I don't want to go into much more detail as to how I did so... easily, but I know what it would feel like if I did it again and don't fear that discomfort at all.
Following that logic, I am in a worse place in life than when I wanted to die, and I know confidently that I could do it with manageable discomfort, why am I alive? I've even done some shit like changed up my suicide note. But there's still 1% or so that's stopping me. I know I need to talk to a therapist but I'd have to call at 750am for a 1st time appointment and while im often awake then due to fucked up sleep schedule I can never find the damn motivation to make that appointment.
I dont know why im still alive if i feel like even less fear of death than before i tried to die, I really dont. If you've made it this far thanks for reading. I don't know why I want to post all this to reddit but this has been all I can think of really while my life has just fucking spiraled downwards since I tried to commit suicide. 23 days.
Tl:Dr life only get shittier after I tried to die but for some reason I haven't tried again. Not sure why
|
self.depression
|
Parent of depressed girl Hi everyone,
I'm posting here bc I am hoping to get some comfort. My daughter is 16 and has suffered depression, both clinical and situational (if that is a thing) and her isolation (not self isolation, just lack of even basically mediocre social situations) exacerbate everything. I have tried everything that a non depressed person could possibly think of to help her but it's been a slow realization that it has to come from inside her.
I am not trying to fix her, I imagine at this point any suggestions must be belittling and annoying. I think I just need to hear from someone that it will be ok, that it won't be forever that I am at work wondering if she's still thinking about suicide. It's brutal on us both.
Was this you? Were you isolated and alone and sad for what felt like forever and then something you did or something that happened in your life changed everything? I need a light at the end of this tunnel.
|
self.depression
|
Fed up with relations(typical post on r/depression) I am too old for love. Love is for teenagers, i think, and I can’t feel it anymore, for many years. To many atempts to find a girl who won’t cheat, or be faithful. I just want to find someone who will love me as much as I loved once.
|
self.depression
|
My girlfriend of two years broke up with me [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Anyone notice different side effects with generics? Am taking lamotrigine
Manufacturer: Cadista, side effect joint pain. Joint pain went away after switching generics.
Manufacturer: Unichem Pharma, side effect Panic Attacks. Since I switched to this generic out of the blue panic attacks have been happening with increasing frequency and severity over time, have been feeling frozen with fear and not known why. I've been off meds two days and I suddenly feel calm, like my normal self again.
There are not many pharmacies on my network I might switch and see if I can try a different generic, my insurance won't cover the brand drug.
Edit: I think all the pharmacies whether chain or independent are on the same network, caremark, which means that they're all going to be using Unichem generic.... I tried looking up lamictal at the Canadian pharmacy and it's too expensive and I might wind up with a unichem generic anyway. Ugh.
I'm feeling brain zaps or whatever now... I don't want to go back on the med. Left a msg with pdoc.
|
self.bipolar
|
I want to die and i dont know what to do Hey so i feel really awful right now because when i was 16 i used to send nudes to people who were much older than me and to people who were as young as 13 and they would send nudes back to me, it never turned me on or made me horny or whatever but i just feel awful because i did those things and i don’t understand why i did them, i only now realize that what i did was wrong and i feel really suicide and like shit because of it, i dont know what to do.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Separation Anxiety I was wondering if any one was familiar with any form of separation anxiety. I’m 22 and I think I may have adult separation anxiety. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety back in July. However, I think I may have separation anxiety.
I was really close to my ex boyfriend. I was with him for 6 years, up until this past June. Well, I hadn’t given it much thought until recently, but when ever he was home, and I was with him, I was completely normal. But after we broke up, he saw a new girl, I got suicidal, I was cutting myself and acting out. Anytime he was going to be with her, I punished myself. Well they broke up in October (him and I still live together, since I have no family here) and after that, we were spending our usual time together, and I was completely fine again. He’d go to work, and I was fine until he had to stay over for it. I’d panic because I didn’t know where he was, like thought he got into a wreak or something.
Last night, he left to go to another state for a job. I have been an emotional wreak since then, especially because he’s talking to a new girl now. He was friends with her and has only known her for a few weeks, and they’d hang out and drive around at night, so of course I’d panic until he got home. I can’t sleep when he’s gone. But I just don’t know how to cope. I think I’m going to bring it up to my therapist tomorrow, but I wanted to ask if any one had similar situations.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm missing a friend that i havent spoken to in a few years and our fallout was left with lots of questions. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I am more anxious than I've ever been in my life (apologies now for wall of text) [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
bipolar lawyers: who do you tell? I'm a law student and I haven't disclosed that I am bipolar to anyone/the school (nor do I plan to on the bar). Did you? Who did you tell? I feel like I can only tell my partner and my best friends at the school.
|
self.bipolar
|
Hypersexuality help needed Suppose, hypothetically, that someone had aspergers and hypersexuality but because the aspergers makes them socially awkward, they could never get together with other people. Is there just some simple formula or script they can follow that would help them find the right people who will have sex with them all day every day in every way? Without all the social stuff and without being stereotypically attractive.
|
self.bipolar
|
Identity Crisis edit: new to Reddit so I don't see a way to edit the title but it's not really a crisis as much as it is just a question about this. Crisis is a little too dramatic of a word for this
Does anyone else with BP sometimes feel like they aren't 100% sure what their actual personality it? Sometimes it feels like I'm just a collection of things I see or hear that I copy into a constantly shifting personality. I mean, I have a "base" internal personality but it feels like my outward behavior, mannerisms, sense of humor, etc. shifts based on what I see whether I'm in an episode or not.
This could be a symptom of a different disorder on top of my diagnosis of BP2 or just the natural "me" but I had another bipolar friend tell me they felt the same way so I figured I'd ask.
|
self.bipolar
|
kinda over it My life is just full of countless lonely geeky dudes. Fuck tonnes of people. I’m so fucking over it. My social life is retarded.
My dad said I’d not achieve much but I’ll get by.
My mum said I struggle through life and will spend it on the computer.
Mother aggressively screamed at me to drop out.
I was in a university hall in 2014. Still in college here in 2018. Did uni prep, year of film, swapped over to computer science. i should have just had a quick degree from 2014 - 2016 like everyone else but my path was difficult and i'm behind in my ocurs.e i might fuck it all up again
I think I’m done with life now tbh.
Had a lot of connections and lots of parties but none now. Everyone moved on.
Like, I had life on easy mode but fucked it all up.
I cling to the past because I’m irrelevant and alone.
I don’t want to go because I have so much opportunity and have been better in the past, but I feel like there's not much ahead for me. I am one of them: The incels, the foreveralones, the underachievers. it's what I was prone for.
I think I’m done now.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Urgent help for a friend So my friend had just told me about an hour ago that she's breaking down, then she cut, she told me that a clot of something had came out, the bleeding was slow and stopped and she could see a pinky color in the cut. She also said that she could feel a type of numbess in her lower leg. Any medical information on this would be great thank you
She's also been pushing everyone away, all her friends, I'm pretty much the only one she tells, I'm trying to get her to go to the doctors but she said that would make it 'real', pretty sure she's addicted to cutting, she refused to throw it away.
Pretty sure this is anxiety/depression although she doesn't want to admit to anything, she has had a past of it and said that the therapy didn't help.
I'm really not sure what to do in this situation, I do suffer from depression myself but never got addicted to cutting etc I did get help as my ex got me to go but I can't seem to do the same with her.
Any help from people with actual experiences in these types of situations would be great thank you.
P.S. we are both 16 - UK attending college
|
self.depression
|
Mystery diagnosis inducing depression. 22M Around March of this year I started noticing hesitation when urinating... and that I had to go basically all the time. That progressed over the next couple months into what would normally be considered enlarged prostate symptoms. First I received 6 weeks of various antibiotics, which didn't help in any way.Then the antibiotics caused permanent nerve damage to my hands and feet. Eventually my bladder stopped functioning completely, and without Alpha blockers (basically muscle relaxers) I wouldn't be able to go at all...
Eventually a urologist figured out it was neurogenic bladder, basically my brains losing the ability to communicate because if unknown nerve damage. That was the point I became crippilingly depressed.
I took a month unpaid off work to try and figure everything out and get some medication to help me get on my feet. Low and behold, any conventional antidepressants make my urinary problems even worse, so I can't take basically any antidepressants without losing the ability to use the bathroom.
I'm sitting here at work, my first day back in a month feeling even worse than I had before. Im lethargic, sad, feeling like I'm in my own personal hell and fighting tears the whole time. I have the feeling that I just need to leave and run away. I've got enough money to be off work for a few months but I can't take time off again without quitting. I'm worried about my job, rent, disappointing family, and most of all worried my condition will progress into something worse. I don't know what to do or who to talk to.
|
self.depression
|
I feel like everyone hears my thoughts When I walk around in public, I often feel that I am just yelling out every single thing that the voice in my head says(even though I am almost certain I am not). Is this almost borderline schizophrenia development? The anxiety I suffer through is not helping this either, for multiple reasons.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Can someone please just talk to me, I'm so sick of feeling down [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Coming back from a vacation--disorientation and anxiety are common? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I was in a car crash yesterday. New Year's Day. What a way to start the year, right? I've spent the last few weeks, maybe months feeling worthless and sad and wanting to die but not wanting to kill myself, so I fantasized about getting into an accident and dying in a way that looked like it wasn't on my own hands. I got out of the car with just some whiplash and some bruises but I'm fine otherwise.
It's a miracle I'm alive right now. I spun out on the freeway going 75 mph. I got hit by another car. The witnesses and patrol officer and the EMT all expected me to be unconscious or way more badly hurt than I was. I don't believe in God, but I do think there was a greater force at work, telling me to stop fantasizing about something so horrible and to get my shit together.
So I'm going to. Phone calls give me anxiety, I know I'm going to have a bout of PTSD related to driving, I'm going to feel guilty about wrecking my parents' car, but I'm okay. Everything is okay. Sometimes a wake up call like this is what you need to get better mentally.
|
self.depression
|
I’m awake! So it begins. Hypomania just started. My plan is just to PLAN. Take no actions, until I come down again.
Wish me luck! Sending some good thoughts to those in their depressive phase -hugss-
|
self.bipolar
|
How do you stop believing that little voice inside your head? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
if i didn’t have this brain..... i have been having days lately where i just wish i could remove my brain from my head for a period of time so i can have some peace . I swear that there are times when it feels like i got the incorrect brain for my body or vise-versa . when i die (hopefully soon am tired of this life) i want to leave my brain to medical research; to see if all those childhood prescriptions drugs for allergies and asthma along being hit on the head various times throughout my childhood may have damaged the damm thing.......
|
self.depression
|
my boyfriend just broke up with me i am absolutely in tears right now and i don’t know what to do. my boyfriend just texted me, essentially saying how he can’t continue our relationship anymore. he said it wasn’t the right time to get into a relationship and he needs time to sort things out. i’m sobbing in my bed and i don’t know what to do
i feel selfish bc i know he has his own issues that he wants to work through but i can’t help but feel mad that he never spoke to me about anything like this and i am really just not handling it well
|
self.offmychest
|
Is suicide selfish? I don't know. I mean I would really like to kill myself. But I know that at least my parents would be hurt. I don't think someone else would mind too much, but I think my mother and father wouldn't get over it. Idk, I guess I wouldn't want to do it to them. But somehow it's all I can think about lately.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
25 and still a virgin. And a pathetic one at that. As you can see from the title I'm 25 and still a virgin. I have never had a boyfriend or any kind of real relationship before, never been in love never had my heart broken...
I feel like a kind of pseudo-adult, nearly everyone I know is in a long term relationship, engaged/married and/or having babies and even buying houses with their significant others, and I'm not.
I'm at the stage now where I doubt I'll ever meet anyone as my situation is so strange. Everyone at work has relationships they so lovingly speak about but then there's me just ploughing along like a fraud.
God I'm so pathetic.
|
self.offmychest
|
It feels like the hole in me closed Before, I felt that there was some hole inside me that MAYBE-just maybe-if I shove something in there, I would feel less empty.
Now, I feel like that opening of that hole is closed. It's just hallow. No more opening to shove things inside. Just...it's just there...
|
self.depression
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.