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If I lose my job, I'll hang. Guy in his mid 20's, have a well-paying job but lately I've been struggling to keep up (pdoc has diagnosed me with possible ADD, among other issues). Recently, I got a written warning that my performance was insufficient and with annual reviews coming up soon, I feel that getting fired is imminent. I seriously worry about not being cut out for the type of career I'm in (which would mean I have to go back to college to study something else), having to move back in with parents if my savings runs out and having the person I'm seeing break up with me (since getting fired for this reason would mean I'm a loser). I just want to end it and spare myself the pain of being a failure at life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How bad is my anxiety? What should I do? Hi all,
I'm 17,
My parents don't think I have anxiety and in general while they are supportive I don't like telling them anything.
I'll often worry about what the guy behind me is doing, so much so that I'll stop walking so people behind me pass. I can't stand having people walk behind me or sit behind me.
I can't walk behind girls, like people are watching me and I should be ashamed when I just want to walk to class, it really interferes with my days sometimes.
I have trouble talking to people first, except for when I'm asking for something or I know if I need something, but conversationally I can't initiate with anyone.
I'll often feel like everyone is watching me and this leads to me not being involved in social situations unless someone pushes me to do so. It's really bad and I don't know what to do about it.
And here's another really weird thing, I'll often tear up during confrontation, even if I'm the bigger guy, or if I'm right, or if the confrontation isn't really that bad or not a big deal. It's embarrassing and I hate it. No one has seemed to notice since everyone I've heard everyone thinks I'm some cold, calculating, but lonely kid, which idk about cold, but I'm definitely not in the company of a lot of people and I believe my resting bitch face does give off the appearance of being calculating, or up to something.
I hate it. My parents are great and they've given me everything I could have reasonably wanted and yet I've not had a normal life and it's 100% my fault or at least I think so. I just wanted to have a normal life but in my childhood I was often sheltered so I wouldn't really see anyone and now that I'm in my last year of high school I probably have one or two good friends where I might crash watching tv or playing games or something with them after some pizza. Basically, I feel stunted in social growth and just stunted as a person and I feel stunted as a person. I want my childhood back so I can relive it but knowing I won't get it back even though it doesn't feel like such a longtime ago really makes me realize how insignificant we are in this world and how we are all going to die.
I need help idk what to do.
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self.Anxiety
|
I just cut myself Nothing changed. I'm still a worthless piece of shit. I'm still a bad person. I still drive everyone away, I didn't want to be close to them anyway. I feel so empty. Why can't I go to sleep?
How can one love someone that they never trusted? I don't get that, Brian. u/Champloo12, can't have it both ways.
I think I can sleep now.
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self.offmychest
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I'm freaking out I'm on my vacations, and i'm freaking out.
I'm taking antidepressive pills, i go to psychologist (she thinks i have dysthimia) and psychiatrist (she thinks i have social anxiety).
I'm gonna be in my second year in college and I already afraid to not get a job, or to get a job with bullying at work. I was approved in all the subjects. I'm doing Scientific Initiation. I know/study portuguese, english, spanish, french and brazilian sign language. But i still afraid and freaking out about my future jobs. I feel powerless against it, doesn't matter what i do, my brain still says that I won't have a (good) job.
Maybe i could do post graduation, maybe i gonna kill myself because the pressure (i cannot cope with graduation, post graduation might be so more fucking hard!).
I have a great boyfriend, he demonstrates his love, but my sick brain tells me that he doesn't love or even like me. I found his ex-girlfriend's tumblr (I didn't search for it, just appeared in my dashboard), they have the same fetishes, she's pretty, etc. She was bad for him, but i still jealous of her.
I a good at making friends, i always think they actually doesn't like me, so i move away, then here i am, a lonely person!
I don't understand the reason of human being existence, i don't believe in religion or a god. I didn't want to born. Almost everyday i think about suicide methods and its efficiency, but then I think about my parents and boyfriend, I think they would suffer with my death.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm so confused with my own emotions. I feel inferior. I’ve read so much about mental illnesses and how bad people suffer. And then here I am complaining that I’m no good but there are many people out there suffering worse.
I lost my best friend due to an illness and now I regret not having told her more often how much I love her. I feel so so bad, sometimes I think so much about her but then again I don’t think about her at all. Sometimes I force myself to think about her to make me feel bad and guilty.
And I've forgotten so much about us already even though it's just been three years since she's been gone.
I hate pitying myself but I want to feel sad.
I hate being pitied by others but I still want the attention. I don’t think that “happy” suits me. I try hard to feel miserable when i’m not and then I feel guilty and like a pretender. I heard about some anxiety attacks others have and I claim to have anxiety but I’m nowhere near those attacks. I like to be popular but I have the feeling that i’m not worthy of the time others spend with me.
I love to be heard and in the middle of attention but I talk mostly nonsense and make a fool out of myself to make them laugh so when I talk about being ill I won’t be taken seriously. I think of my friends much higher than they do about me. I hate me for who I am. I hate myself for how I feel. I did self harm years ago but it was so light that now there are no scars. I am a failure in every aspect even with being mentally ill. Cyclothymia, depression, anxiety… is what I got diagnosed with but I don't know myself in another way.
I feel inferior even to those who have the same as me, I feel like an imposter. I wish my symptoms were more and my attacks more severe so that I am allowed to suffer and not feel like someone who wants attention. But on the other hand I don’t want to suffer anymore… I don’t want to lose what I have.
I don’t want to be recognised yet I scream.
I don’t want to be seen yet I am colourful.
I don’t think I deserve to be happy yet I smile and laugh and have friends, a family, a good life.
A few months ago my therapist told me that he is quitting his job and now I'm searching for a new one. I've been with him for five years now and I felt like crying when he told me even though lately all we did was just talk what happened during the week. The new guy said to me that my medication is not working which yeah I figured as well since I'm depressive again. My bf is not comfortable with how I act recently, he told me everything I do is slow and I take every word he says so personally. He tries hard, he even refrains from touching me bc i can't handle being touched right now and even though he compained yesterday that we haven't had -well intercourse in a few weeks now he understands and waits but it's hard for him, too. Last time we had lunch my glass touched my spoon and it made a loud sound and I broke down crying in front of him and my 3y/o daughter. I try hard to smile for them but it's exhausting to even just get up in the morning. I don't know what to do with myself during the day which has a horrifying amount of hours and minutes until it's over.
I have the worst kind of thoughts again.
I am a nobody. I am a hypocrite, the worst kind of human being. The talentless, the crazy one, the whiner, the annoyance.
If I die no one will even notice or care.
That is not true.
I understand that I am loved. I have family, friends, a kid and a boyfriend. I have a life. I have support. I am loved.
I do understand.
My mind understands.
But inside of me there is a void. No matter how many hugs, kisses, lovely words, attention, affirmation, casual touches I receive, my body is like a black hole and absorbs all of it. Leaving me empty. Leaving me hollow.
I am loved and I feel love for them but it never seems to be enough. I am forcing my feelings on them, afraid of not being noticed, until I feel like I’m suffocating them. I become introvert and careful. Don’t love too much. Don’t show too much affection. Don’t scare them away.
They love me, they accept me for who I am... I hope?
Intellectually I understand.
Emotionally I am starving.
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self.depression
|
Do you feel suicidal people should always be talked out taking their own life, or would you let them? I’ve been wondering this for a while and it often comes up in my psychology classes.
One part of me thinks people who are about to take their own life deserve to be helped and provided the right treatment, because they are worthy of support and a second chance.
But the other part of me realises that we have free will to do what we want/need, and that it isn’t our place to tell someone that they can’t take their own life because we don’t want them to.
What do you all think?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Was Looking for company, now afraid I'm going to be kidnapped It started out as just wanting some company and wanting to have sex. I go through waves of being very sexed up, which I've had therapists and psychiatrists attribute to my BPD, for one reason or another.
I met this guy online and chatted with him via Kik. We sexted. I sent pictures. I accidentally revealed my real first name and my profession. I told him the general area where I live (about a three-mile radius, not an address), because we were talking about meeting up. I then got cold feet and decided that I was no longer interested in having sex. I told him my reasoning and asked him to respond (because he wasn't responding). He said:
"You said you weren't interested it is what it is. Good luck in what you are looking for apparently I wasn't it which is totally cool. I don't want to keep going back and forth if you are not interested."
It seems like he isn't angry, but what if he is and he is plotting to kidnap me and take me hostage? I might have given him enough identifying information for him to track me down (I know I wasn't being careful enough. I'm so stupid.). I'm so afraid and didn't go into work today because I was afraid to leave the house. It has thrown me into a complete anxiety state, which has included some panic attacks. I'm afraid that I'm in danger.
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self.Anxiety
|
Just really hurt Gonna just get into it, in a fairly new relationship, we had a bit of a misunderstanding and we were just going back and forth with messages, she's not one to get angry, I don't believe she was when she said it but without giving away too much it was along the lines of me being a hypocrite and defending someone just because they were coming on to me I guess, we made up and stuff and I told her that this upset me and she apologised and said that's not how she see's me and we're fine now.
How people I care about see me is just really important to me I guess, more than I realised, like it was just sort of a passing remark in our conversation but it's just for whatever reason it just cut kinda deep, like it's a small thing and I'm not going to make an issue of it or bring it up again but I guess it's just her saying it makes me feel like that is what she really thinks deep down, that I would be trying to defend someone because of apparent feelings I have towards them.
I'd like to stress that I have don't resent her at all for saying it, it just really hurt me which is strange to me as I've never been hurt by what people say and this is so small and insignificant as well, I reckon I'm overreacting a lot, can't control how I feel though, guess it's just a part of life.
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self.offmychest
|
I think I have an eating disorder I was pretty chubby for much of high school and up until 2015. I was depressed, mentally ill, and didn't care about my health or appearance. Finally, during the summer of 2015, my situation began improving, and I started working out, because I realized that being fat is uncomfortable.
Over the past two years, I went down from 200 lbs to 150 (I am 21 years old, 5 ft 11 male). Every time I eat, I have to exercise for at least an hour immediately afterwards; otherwise, I will “feel fat” and won’t be able to focus on anything besides feeling fat. So I usually binge on one huge, unhealthy meal at night, after the day is done. If I think I look a bit chubby or I've gained an extra kg, then that's all I'll focus on for the day, and I won't get anything else done. And I'm ashamed to say that, 99% of the time, I am thinking of food and my weight. I actually can’t remember one moment in the past year where I wasn’t thinking about my weight, at least in the back of my mind. I’m incredibly behind on my studies, and I'm sacrificing my social life and university experience to just eat and work out. Every day, I think to myself "I'm gonna fix my problem today", but nothing ever changes.
I'm hesitant to tell anybody about this, because it sounds so dumb, at least to me. Also, my parents have already burnt through a lot of time/energy/money on therapy for my past mental health issues, so I've been keeping this to myself. This post is the first time I'm telling other people about this.
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self.offmychest
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I can see why I shouldn't, but I don't care [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Need advice I'm at the point where I'm concerned that I'm going to kill myself soon, I've been planning it but can't build up the nerve to do it.
I'm either going to kill myself or get myself sectioned.
If I get sectioned can I lose my job? I work full time (about 50+hrs a week) and my hours are even more important around Christmas. What can the repercussions be?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel like my depression has really limited my progress in life.. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I've started talking to a girl who is very clingy and makes me feel guilty, but I'm afraid that if I cut her off (which I want to do) she will kill herself. Any advice is appreciated. I am 16 (male) and she is 15 (female).
I met this girl through a club at my school. At first she seemed really shy and, as a person who used to struggle with sever social anxiety, I reached out to her. (Well, actually she asked me to text her but I did so because I wanted to help her.)
She is transgender and physically disabled. I'm not sure what is wrong with her legs, but she needs a cane to walk and they are very obviously deformed. (It's like they are curved and caved in, extremely so.)
I am also transgender (FtM) so I was very happy to have someone to hopefully relate to.
Apparently she has no friends, at all. At first I thought it might be because she is crippled and kids can be assholes, but now I think it truly is her personality.
She asked me if we could go get coffee together. I told her I was in a relationship (because at the time, I was) but that I would like to hang out with her sometime.
She proposed a certain day and I told her it might not work with my family's schedule and I am very busy with school because I am in 3 AP classes, 1 IB class and am trying to maintain very good grades, but I could see if it could work. For some reason she took this as an absolute "yes" and two days before started texting me plans for when she would pick me up. I asked if we could do it over thanksgiving break instead, because I said Tuesday wouldn't work for me because I had a conflict with a club meeting for a club I am an officer in that day (all of which is true). Then, she continued to act like I had never said that and the next day asked what time she should pick me up the following day. I told her I thought we had already clarified that tomorrow wouldn't work for me and that I did want to see her but that it would be better over the break, and she texted "...oh ;-;".
She keeps texting me NONSTOP now. If I don't reply right away she starts going off on self deprecating rants that start off with "...sorry" and then "...sorry for bothering you, I get why you don't like me" and then "no one ever loves me". Now, the problem is she doesn't understand I can't text her all the time and if I don't reply right away it just escalates.
Texts she has sent me in the last 24 hours:
I hate myself right now
Just really depressed right now
I understand that you probably don't like-like me. I'm finding someone else for that so things won't be awkward :D
I'm sorry for talking about this stuff... I'm very lonely...
Sorry if you don't want to talk to me...
You're probably really busy... or mad at me... I know I'm not the first person you talk to... nor the highest priority person...
Oh... sorry...
I just not doing so well.
Thinking about how nobody loves me and stuff. I had one shot and I blew it.
And it was all my fault.
The odds that anyone would feel the same way about me ever again is tiny.
I can't make people like me. Nobody's interested in me. Nobody will ever be.
Sorry...
I don't mean to bother you about it. I just really feel like nobody likes me.
Y-you like me?
(At which point I said I liked her as a friend but not romantically, she tried to ask me out just over a day ago and I politely declined)
Oh... of course...
I don't expect anyone to ever like me. I'm a failure. I can't do anything right. Nobody likes me.
I hate it when people say they like me. I know it's a lie. It can't be true.
I deserve to be hated and abused and nobody understands that.
I've got nothing going for me and people are friendly to me anyway. I hate myself for not being able to repay them.
I really don't want to live...
I've got nothing to live for, really.
Nobody even cares.
At first, I tried to point out all the positive things about her when she was saying mildly self deprecating things. Then she started saying worse and worse things, I think to get me to continue talking about the positives about her.
But it doesn't work and honestly she's sucking the life out of me. I don't know how to deal with this and I don't want to cut her off because I don't want her to kill herself, but every possible solution to any problem she mentions she shoots down. She's determined to be unlovable.
She's also made it very clear she is romantically attracted to me and when I said I was dating someone she kept saying stuff about how of course she couldn't expect someone else to like her, etc.
Then the relationship I was in ended and she asked me out within a few hours of me telling her I was upset because I had been cheated on, and when I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship after how badly my last one had ended (literally earlier that day) she kept saying stuff that made it seem like she wanted me to feel guilty for not dating her.
Does anyone have any advice? Am I a bad person for wanting to cut her off? I'm starting to think the reason she has no friends is more because of how she sucks the emotions out of you than it is her disability. She's also said stuff about how she's unlovable because of her disability.
She never said anything about being super depressed until I rejected her. That's the other thing worth mentioning.
I'm really frustrated right now because I want to help but I truly don't think I can and I dread getting a text from her.
TLDR; met a girl who asked me out and when I turned her down, she texts me nonstop about how much she hates herself and I don't know what to do.
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self.offmychest
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Dont feel sad but depressed? Been having some weird stuff happen to my personality/mood and I think that it might be depression. The only thing is that I don’t really feel sad? Here is a post I made earlier describing what is happening to /r/askdocs
I have noticed or been told things about myself recently that I don’t feel are consistent with me in the past. My feelings are dulled, I talk in somewhat of a monotone (people tell me, I can’t hear it), and sometimes I don’t make any facial expressions so people think that I don’t like them when I really do. Often I will be in a social environment and people will say my name to pull me out of a kind of thoughtless trance where I stare off into the distance with a blank mind, I never remember it starting, just being pulled out of it by someone else. I sometimes get asked if I am high when I am stone cold sober.
I have also been having some weird thoughts, like to jump off of a balcony to my death, or violent ones like to stab someone with a knife I am holding or to crash my car on purpose. (I don’t want to do either of these things, I will just get a thought like “do it, stab them in the neck” or something) I would like to emphasize that I am not suicidal or even unhappy at all. Sometimes I look in the mirror and something looks off about me that I can’t put my finger on, I look like someone else. Also different people often ask me “are you ok?” This bugs me because I am always ok, do I have a weird look on my face or something? I never hear them ask other people that, what is wrong with me, it makes me think that I am mentally challenged or something and everyone has been told except for me. There might be more stuff but I can’t remember.
All of this stuff has happened in the past year, maybe because of stress? I am a 19 year old male, moved away to college this year so big life change but these things were happening before then also. Help/suggestions much appreciated.
TLDR: I think something is changed with me
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self.depression
|
Does anyone else get anxiety from LinkedIn? Just seeing everyone else my age in these high profile careers and reading intimidating, complicated and overwhelming job descriptions makes me really anxious.
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self.Anxiety
|
Reading about gender differences is upsetting and I don't really know why I don't consider myself a social justice warrior or someone who is overly politically correct. I don't try to deny science or make it seem like science doesn't matter.
However for the longest time, I've had a very strange and unusual problem with one particular area of science. The part that reports on gender differences.
Every time I read some article that says "Men are more likely to die younger, women are better at this, etc." I feel this sinking feeling in my stomach and I go into an emotional shock in a way.
My body gets numb, and I generally get really upset. Like, depressed and out of it. The only thing that snaps me out of it is allowing enough time to pass by so that my emotions stabilize.
However, after enough time the same things happens again, I read some random article on Facebook or the Internet and the cycle repeats itself.
It's almost like reading about gender differences triggers some sort of depressive spiral in me.
I'm not really sure why I'm having this strange emotional reaction, I've observed other people's reactions and they don't seem to care one bit. They leave a funny comment, maybe a joke, serious comment and then move on with their lives. I dwell on it for days and it makes my life hell.
Can someone suggest why this is happening and what can be done about it?
I'm strongly considering seeing a therapist and investigating this issue at it's root.
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self.offmychest
|
Losing it Hello, i am dire need of help. I have been on lithium 1200mgs and luvox 150mgs daily for about 5 years. Last year i started lifting weights again after taking about 5 years off, which was before i was diagnosed with bp2 and depression. I increasingly started to feel ill where the ill feeling would last for 6 days. I stopped lifting weights about 5 months ago and just recently started a judo class 4 times a week. Coincidently, i became ill again only this time it was worse, my brain was in a severe fog as if i ate acid. I have been going through some problems but i was at ease with my situation so i dont think it was anxiety/ depression like my doctor thinks. This time it lasted 2 weeks, im afraid of exerting myself. Thank you
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self.bipolar
|
The sexual abuse ruined my life. (TRIGGERING). Posting this under a throwaway account I created just now. After tonight, I won't be logging in again.
I was sexually abused as a kid and no one cared enough to get me help. Also my parents never explained sex to me so I grew up thinking I was dirty and evil for having any sexual thoughts, rather than see them as a normal hormonal response. Because I avoided sex and dating throughout my teens and my parents neglected me, I never learned how to determine what men were interested in me versus only interested in sex with me. I finally got comfortable enough to lose my virginity and had a great relationship with the guy but he broke up with me and I can't help but wonder even now if he actually used me the entire time we were together.
After that, I had no idea how to exercise boundaries when it came to sex. I basically slept with any guy who showed interest in me, not realizing it was supposed to feel good, so I settled for shitty sex or a shitty guy, or both. I honestly never thought sex was for me to enjoy too and it would just be expected from the guy, so instead of putting the work into pursuing an actual relationship, I would have sex right away and therefore eliminate the guess work. I broke some hearts along the way and I don't think I will ever forgive myself fully. I went through therapy while dating my now-husband and I love him so much- he is my everything. But the problem is, the more I love him over the years, the harder it is to stay present during sex because it's scary for my brain to be that emotionally close to someone when I had to learn to cut off my feelings during the sex act to survive. I've been in therapy for this but it has not gotten better at all. Maybe it never will.
I'm not really sure why I wrote all of this except to say if your child is sexually abused in any form, do what you have to do to make them feel safe again and get them therapy even if they don't want to go at first. And that also starts with explaining sex to your kids early.
Stay safe all.
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self.offmychest
|
Panicked at work today I had to call a friend so he could help rationalize my thoughts... after he did I just started crying. Wasn’t too sure why, but now I’m home and I’m crying again because I’m so disappointed this happened. Does anyone else struggle with the aftermath of a spike in their anxiety/panic attack?
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self.Anxiety
|
Major Mom Guilt :-( My pre-teen daughter has a non-life threatening medical condition for which there are limited treatment options here on the west coast. I found an alternative treatment on the east coast and I've taken her twice this year. Treatment appointments are spaced 4 months apart and she is due for treatment in January. Average temperature at the city we'd be going to is 24 degrees in the winter while we are accustomed to at coldest about 65-70 degree weather. Anyway, long story short--we won't be traveling there in January due to the weather and I feel so guilty!!! She is indifferent so I don't know why I am beating myself up!
Like I said, the condition is non-life threatening and I WANT to take her but the idea of being in cold weather terrifies me especially because I don't usually rent a car so I'd be relying on public transportation/Uber in freezing weather!
Am I a bad mom? I feel terrible!
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self.offmychest
|
Maybe this is only just my head... Recently... I found out there was no meaning to life. I very well understood that I was suicidal from a long time ago. I won't deny it. But it's not really about the rant of what caused the feelings. Sure, my grades fell, failed to keep my own time, got rejected several times. No big deal. But everyday I feel like death is a better place. How do I feel? Not well. Every morning, I wake up and I feel tired. Not the regular tired. The tired of living feeling. I have this constant tired feeling that has followed me this whole year. No matter how many hours I sleep, I'm really tired. Of living. Maybe this is only me but I feel like even if I got what I wanted in life, a significant other, good school, good job, lots of money, cool friends, it doesn't satisfy my feeling to commit suicide. Death doesn't feel so strange and scary anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't know what to do I'm diagnosed with panic-disorder and GAD. I'm on a shitton of medication; An SSRI, Benzos and a Anti-psychotic... And I'm still broken. All these medications seem to do is dull my ability to feel anything else than pain. It's either anxiety or a full on void.
I live with chronic back and neck pain from the anxiety, and often the pressure on my chest makes me almost blind from lack of oxygen and more than once It has caused me to pass out. I also get memory-gaps that I've had for so long now that I'm so used to not being able to remember what I did the day before that I write everything down so not to miss anything important.
I've been trying so hard for so long, and I just can't do it anymore. Even going outside my apartment to get food takes such a toll that I have to mentally and physically slap myself to go out there, and when I'm out I have to restrain myself from just throwing myself infront of a passing vehicle. I have had a noose around my neck more than once and the only thing stopping me is that it would hurt my sister, and a promise I made to my doctor.
I have absolutely zero will to live and I just don't know what do to anymore.
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self.Anxiety
|
My Life's been decided for me and I don't know what to do. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Her. I don't really know how to start this. I've deleted the post several times. And need to use a throwaway because the person I will probably talk about knows my reddit username. And I'm sorry if I just go on and on. I just need to get this out. I feel like I'm annoying my friend.
I have battled with depression for a very long time. There was about 9-10 months where I felt pretty okay. But at this point I want to die. So badly. The only thing that has held me back is I am afraid of the pain I may feel. I'm afraid if I shoot myself, I will feel it. I can't OD because that shit is painful. I can't hang myself because the feeling of suffocating is horrible. There is nothing I can do.
I hate my life. The one person I love more than anything else in the world (let's call her "Jenny") left me years ago because we were both young and stupid. She is now with someone that does not at all treat her how she should. She is my best friend but it doesn't feel like it a lot of the time. If she is with him, it's like I don't exist. I do everything I can possibly do for her.
I dropped put of college. I have a great job... But, of course. I work with Jenny. But wait. I "carpool" with her. I pick her up every day. Basically. I spend 10 hours a day with her. It's great. Everything about her overwhelms me. I love being with her. I want her to be happy. But this guy she is with. She isn't into sex very much. So this guy basically forced her to agree to have sex at least X times per month (lol) and when they first got together he would get so pissed off when we hung out because we are exs and purposefully make her feel bad. She has a cold. And this guy couldn't be bothered to stop playing video games for 10 minutes to run down the street to the store to get her tissue, and some medicine to help her feel better (so I did it :) lol)
My point is. I want her to be happy. If he was good for her. I'd understand. Id still hate life, let's be honest. But at least she is happy. But when her and I are together. She laughs, she smiles, she is happy which I don't see when she is around him. (Neither does our friend) but when we are together. She still flirts with me a little. Which fucks with me hard. I just want an answer damn it. Do I wait and keep chasing do I just face it and give up? Which. If I had to give up, I am fucked. Her and our friend are the only friends each of us have. And I work with her. And carpool.
I'm going on and on. I can sit here and talk about her all day and all night. I guess all I want is for someone to tell me I'm not fucked in the head. And friends. But ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Edit: also. I felt I should add it to be more clear. I had moved away to a small(er) town about 300 miles north almost immediately after she broke up with me. Where I was very happy for a while. Then she reached out to me and her and I started talking. I packed up and drove my happy ass back down. And here I am. A roller coaster of depression and "happiness" apparently.
Edit: Fuck. May as well keep adding shit amirite?
I figure to maybe cheer myself up a slight bit I might share some good things about my life.
I recently got a little more courage to change the way I dress and dress nicer. I have a suite (I'm still afraid to wear it much though. I wore it to a company event once) and I have some cardigans, dress shirts, slacks and really nice shirts. That all actually fit me. Compared to the way I used to dress. Baggy clothes, some with holes in them that I'd wear because I spent all the time I should have spent doing laundry, crying in bed. I've started caring about my personal hygiene more (albeit the last few days it may have slipped a bit because depression hit me really hard and we are finally moving back in after a house fire (fuck my life right?) And I had no shower curtain... And no hot water.
But if I'm being honest with myself. It is all for her. Lol
|
self.depression
|
I (25) think I fell out of love with my girlfriend despite her being everything I could ever want on paper and I'm scared to leave her.  
We met through a dating app almost two years ago. She's very much my type in both personality and looks. I couldn't have designed someone more align with my preferences who shares my sense for adventure and getting the most out of life. Its the first real girlfriend I've had outside of high school and the longest I've every been with someone continuously. We've been the center of each others lives for the past ~2 years and have gone on many adventures together. We share similar interests and dispositions towards life which is very important to me.
 
despite all of this I think I'm falling out of love with her. It all stemmed from some issues that culminated in the closest thing to a "fight" we've had. The core issue was a religious difference and my parents lack of approval of the relationship (they refuse to even meet her). She wants to push the relationship further with possibility of marriage in mind while I see the relationship as more of companionship and a partnership of growing together. I feel too young and immature to have thoughts of marriage. However we live in a part of the country where people tend to get married young and there are few single people our age.
 
Since her attempt to push the relationship in a more serious direction I anticipated that she might break up with me when the (already known) religion issue was brought up. I mentally prepared myself to leave the conversation single however much to my surprise she made some good points and when she thought she might lose me over the issue and she expressed interest in converting in order to keep me. Shocked, I was at a loss of how to proceed. Seeing her in that moment where the relationship was on the brink of breaking I saw how much more she was in love with me than I was in love with her. She admitted to thinking I might be "the love of her life"
 
Something about the conversation and seeing her cry over me and the lack of progression of the relationship somehow made me like her less and I dont know why. Maybe it scared me, maybe I never thought of the relationship as that serious per the religious difference. Something about that vulnerability and realizing that she may be more into me than I am into her surprised me. There is a quote from bojack horseman that keeps coming to mind "when you see someone as they really are, it ruins them"
 
We're on a temporary break now. Not seeing other people but not talking either, in order to give me some time to think. I've found that I miss her and having her there for me but mostly in a physical sense of having someone there for me. But I don't know if I miss HER specifically. It has been hard having certain things happen and wanting to share them with her, realizing I cant share with her and dont really have anyone else to share it with.
 
I'm so conflicted here is a girl who is gorgeous, has hair in my favorite hair color, likes the same hobbies as me, is DRIVEN (sadly hard to find where I live) and motivated, academic, smart and clever. We have some similar life goals but some things dont align like the religious difference.
 
I've never experienced anything like this before and I don't know what to do or even how to break up with someone.
This also scares me that if I stopped liking this girl who is everything I could have dreamed of how will I ever find someone who I will continue to like after things get rough. The thought that I'm just bored with the relationship scares me too.
**help, guidance, words of encouragement appreciated**
 
more complicated I have a history of HSV and never thought anyone as cool as this girl would want anything to do with me. I'm scared to have to face that all again in the single world, what if I cant find someone whos ok with it again? (never passed along to anyone else to my knowledge and its basically a non-issue but still the concern is there.
|
self.offmychest
|
I just found out I need another semester of college This might be a rant but I’m pretty sure I’ve been depressed all 4 years of college. I’m a comp sci major and i hate it but it’s too late to switch. Now I found out I need another semester to graduate and I’ve been nonstop crying/sleeping for days. I feel so terrible about myself. I’m skipping meals too. Is there any way to rise above this horrible feeling?
|
self.depression
|
I'm so ready to fuck him I've been waiting 2 weeks, i've never had sex with a guy and I'm ready to just fucking go for it oh my god it's been so long. He's fucking 6ft how amazing is that
|
self.offmychest
|
I can't seem to think about old friendships or the past without feeling sad and lonely. One of my old high school friends is getting married, and I realized that I was not invited amongst our old group of friends - granted only two us no longer live in the same hometown. I started thinking about all my old and some current friendships, and it made me sad to think that they are no more. It even makes me sad to look back at old memories and photos...I guess because I wish they were still a part of my life and more than just the small talk, catch up kind of check-in relationships. I usually just avoid memories so that I won't feel sad :'( I hate how if you're not in direct proximity, people just fizzle out of your life regardless of how close you were. I love my friendship group right now, but I miss a lot my old friends.
|
self.offmychest
|
Not doing very well tonight, anyone up to chat [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
More barking. I play video games, a lot of them. So many, that I'm legitimately surprised that I'm not fat. Well, being 6'1 may have something to do with it, but still. I play whatever makes me feel curious at the time. Sometimes it's horror, sometimes it's an RPG, sometimes it's survival, or even a goddamned dating game. I linger between horror and RPGs. It all seems so fucking easy, so much so that I can escape with no issue. Say the right thing, get rewarded. If that person happens to be someone you like, you could person a romantic relationship with them. Have sex after triggering enough events. Maybe even marriage or some shit if the game allows for it. Don't like someone? Kill them. incinerate them with lightning, shoot them, club them with some dusty ass club you found two towns over, run them through with your big ass fucking Sword of Murder +999, do what you want. Why can't it be that easy in real life? Why do I have to become the Dovahkiin, or the Hero of Ferelden, or the Nerevarine, or the Chosen Undead, or the Courier, or a Malkavian Kindred, or even a motherfucking Sim in order to get some sort of validation? Why do I have to be a fucking Bhaalspawn in order to feel like I matter? Maybe it's out of self pity, maybe it's because I research and want to input code properly, so I make the rules in whatever game I play if given enough time. I dunno, I really don't fucking know.
|
self.depression
|
Noise sensitivity-- repetition, not volume I can't seem to pinpoint exactly what the term for this is, so I figured maybe someone here will be able to point me in the right direction. I get really irritated/anxious when hearing certain repetitive noises. It's not specific types of noises, either, like people chewing or anything, but if a certain noise repeats often enough (regardless of repetition interval) I absolutely break down. The best way I've been able to explain it to people is like feeling itchy on the inside, like a kind of itchy panic that goes right in the front of my ribcage, and just the absolute NEED to do whatever I can to get away from it.
Examples, for clarification-- 1) a week or two ago, I had to put together a slideshow of pictures set to music for school. I had to keep restarting to fix the timing, and I could only do like 20 minutes of editing at a time because whatever pattern of notes that came first got SO IRRITATING that it felt like sandpaper on my brain and I actually teared up with anxious frustration.
2) Right now, my sister is playing a video game outside my room, and there's some dog following her character around. This dog keeps making this very specific yap sound that is driving me up the wall. If the dog mixed it up a bit, I'd just be regular-annoyed because she's been on this level for like an hour now. But this STUPID dog keeps going "MURF-murf" and I'm literally buried under my covers trying to get away from it. (She just finished the level now, thank goodness)
3) Last example-- I used to have this sound machine when I was younger that made cricket noises, and I liked it a lot. But one night, I somehow picked up on a pattern or loop in the cricket sounds, and I haven't been able to listen to it since. My brother had the same model in the room next to mine, and I ended up getting him a new one for his birthday because even puddles through the wall, every single loop felt like an ice pick to my forehead. It's like my brain knows what sound is coming and the auditory auto-correct is mentally painful and dread inducing.
Any advice/suggestions would be helpful-- can't seem to get the right combination of experiences/symptoms from misophonia, sensory processing, etc. Thanks!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Just got my son back, broken up with, and now need to move, what should I be doing? Was with a guy I thought I'd marry. He helped me get my son back but chickened out the week he finally got here. The relationship was on weird grounds, and he's young. I figure the responsibility screamed at him too loudly, even though there was a lot of love, I know he cares for my son. But he left us in his house, him paying the rent and bills while I save to get out. He is making no contact. It's been three weeks. Our dog got ran over last week,and all he said was that he didn't know what to say to me.
My job pays well enough, I am saving money and should be able to move closer to family in the next month or so. It stinks that I'll have to switch my son's school again, he has liked this one.
I am excited, and...for the most part know how to entertain myself while alone. I don't understand why my boyfriend left, not really. I am saving money now, though, working out occasionally. Looking for houses, looking towards the future.
I have no intention of getting in another relationship soon at all, but I miss the companionship. I also need to get some friends. It's hard to jump over the emotion. I don't know how to make friends without going to a bar or looking at work, and there really isn't anyone at work that fits friend criteria.
I'm excited to have a garden, independence. I miss my ex, the bastard. I love him, but...he's gone, and it'd be disrespectful of me, to myself, to take him back if he tried. I need to admit to myself he didn't love me. I wish he'd admit to it, too.
My son misses him too, but is happy and healthy, and we're working on a lot of things that needed to be worked on. His dad soils him rotten and my son is improving immensely.
I don't really have anything...just my son's stuff, paintings and books. Need to find a mattress or something. A cat, a fish.
It sucks being stuck here where I felt so much love. Where I felt home was, with my ex. His stuff is still here. All the full experiences, the old happiness makes it feel empty and silly. I long hardily to get out of here.
In the future, it'd be lovely to get out of these towns, near where I grew up, but I'd still have me and this baggage in tow.
Being bored is a blessing and a curse.
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self.offmychest
|
I’m stuck and I don’t see a way out [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I wish I could just do it I keep planning bits and pieces
I wish I could just let go and do it
I feel pathetic that I can’t seem to do it
Like wow haha this bitch can’t even kill herself???
I shouldn’t even be posting here
Because I never actually fucking do it
I’m just the perpetually suicidal person draining everyone because I never do it but I always feel like I have to
One day I will get the balls to do it. I hope it’s soon
Sorry
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Is seeing a psychologist instead of a psychiatrist a waste of time? I asked a family member to make me an medical appointment because I need help. I literally fear having to talk to strangers, which I'm sure sounds pathetic.
They made an appointment with a psychologist when I asked them to make an appointment with a psychiatrist. The reason is that I'd very much like to try medication to see if it helps.
I'm not discounting the potential benefits of therapy, in fact I'd welcome it. Nor am I trying to imply that medication is some magic bullet that fixes everything. I just feel like I'm going to go see this psychologist and they're going to tell me what I already know, which is that I'm depressed. If they think I should try medication, they're likely going to refer me to a psychiatrist who can prescribe medication.
My insurance doesn't cover either, so I feel like it would be a waste of time and money to see a psychologist if the outcome just turns out to be they recommend a psychiatrist.
I'm just looking for anyone who has some insight on this situation.
|
self.depression
|
Dysphoria and Depression I dunno. Just felt like posting somewhere. I’m doing so well right now. I mean not right RIGHT now but I’ve had so much success. I started my gender transition, I got bylines as a journalist with Bustle and Wear Your Voice and Daily Dot and VICE!! all of these things I should be excited about but depression speaks louder and I can’t seem to shake it. Even on medical treatment I cant shake it. Depression and dysphoria keeps blending together. Often feel like I’m not going to make it.
|
self.depression
|
Pelvic cramps/twitches Hey everyone. Hope you're all having an excellent, anxiety-free day. I'm a 23 year old male.
I know this might not be the most "typical" symptom out of the thousands there is (which concerns me in itself, lol) but does anyone have any experience with muscle cramps/twitches in the Pelvic/Prostate area? For not that long ago, i was under a lot of stress which caused a constant urge to urinate, as well as a general pressure in the bladder. This thankfully got better with the help of forums/discussion sites like this and using the coping techniques i've learnt from my therapist, but i still get the cramps on/off - of course a lot more intense when in an anxious state of mind, or when i can't keep my mind off it. The cramps aren't painful, and only last for about half a second, and differ in intensity. I haven't had any of these cramps in almost a month, but today they're back, and have been pretty much non-stop from when i woke up. If anyone could shed any light, or give any advice on this, i'd massively appreciate it. Thank you so much.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm sick of seeing Jenny McCarthy every year on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve show. Everyone is ranting and raving about Mariah Carey coming back to perform despite what happened last year but no one bats an eye when Jenny McCarthy is announced as one of the cohost with Ryan Seacrest. Mind you that this is the same woman that went on national television and said that vaccines give children autism and claimed that she cured her son's (who's probably high functioning) disability by switching him to a gluten free diet. My brother who I love dearly is moderately autistic, but unfortunately he will not be able to live independently. I don't understand how this woman gets any work despite her anti vax/ pseudoscience history and her support of Andrew Wakefield. I am not watching the New Year's Eve show again and I suggest not giving this woman views. I don't know what organizer thought it was a great idea to have Jenny "Anti Vax" McCarthy as a co-host, because it's a shitty one.
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self.offmychest
|
I just want to leave I just want to win the lottery and travel alone for 5 years and then settle in Denmark or something and delete all my social media. I can't do this anymore.
|
self.depression
|
After changing my career, after endless applications and interviews, after depleting my unemployment insurance, I didn't just get a job - I got my dream job with one frustration. I'm originally an engineer and left behind what would've been a very lucrative career in order to pursue my passion for teaching math. I've moved my whole life around for this.
I've had a lot of bad luck though. My first school was "ok" - I maybe underappreciated it some, but it definitely was not a good long-term fit for me (many micro-aggressions [I'm gay and a sizable portion of the largely conservative student body was palpably annoyed]). However it was a rural school and enrollments declined, so as the last member to join I was first to leave. My next school was a workhorse, one of those stereotypical urban charter schools in a Title 1 setting that makes teachers either burnout from teaching altogether or crying and exhausted in their room at the end of the day. While the particular school environment certainly made the job hard, I was additionally being prescribed a curriculum (literally: here are the 15 lessons for this unit) and methodology (tantamount to giving step-by-step procedures) which made me forego my pedagogical bonafides as a math teacher. I could not raise the road to meet my students (who were as frustrated as I was) where they were and it was awful. These concerns were ignored and branded me as uncooperative and deemed to not be a good fit (which I agree with if it means they were unwilling to consider my input).
So I started looking for a new teaching job to start when the summer ended. I applied for so many jobs, I don't even know. I tried counting how many different schools I interviewed at and I thought of 12. I got callbacks at my top two schools but ultimately did not get either. School started in fall and I was only doing odd jobs, getting unemployment.
As the semester drew to an end, I started applying to positions that'd be opening up over the Christmas break (typical for schools). Some of these schools were desperate reaches for me - schools that I had no interest in, but just really needed money because by this time I had gone through all of my unemployment insurance. One, however, was a fantastic school; highly recommended by former colleagues, my professor used to teach there, staffed by many alums of my teaching program, and the culture is so positive and inviting when you enter. The interview process went great with them but I didn't hear of a decision before Christmas (when I was told they'd make one); I was devastated because it seemed like a great fit and *they called me* stating they also felt positively about me - but nothing definite, so I assumed they ultimately went with someone else.
Just a few days ago, however, I got a call asking if I was still interested in that dream job, did a small followup interview the next day, then the call with the offer later that day. It has all happened so fast and so surprisingly that I'm still a little dumbfounded.
As happy as I am, I'm still worried about money in the short term. It pays between what my other teachings jobs were - this itself isn't really the issue. It's that I won't be paid until February 28 as my first pay day (I start this Monday). My finances just aren't strong enough right now for that since it means I won't be able to work those odd jobs since I'll be doing this dream job. I'm really going to try to make it work, but it's just that teaching is already way more than a 40-hour/week job that I don't know how I can handle doing this new gig while also trying to do something for some money.
I have so many feelings all at once.
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self.offmychest
|
can't tell if I'm depressed? I've been on latuda since May and have felt much better than last year when I had horrible cycles of depression and hypomania. Lately I've felt super tired, I sleep 10-13 hours a night and nap for 3 hours most days. I feel okay emotionally I'm just really stressed out from college which is normal but I tend to see my stress as the end of the world which gets extreme. I just don't know if I'm slowly getting depressed or not which would make me ask my doctor about if the latuda is right for me or not. I just don't know what normal is or what I should be feeling.
|
self.bipolar
|
Emotional Support Animal / Service Dog for OCD? TL;DR - College student with OCD / depression / generalized anxiety disorder, would an emotional support animal or psychiatric service dog be helpful for me? Looking for advice, opinions, or others experiences!
Hi all! This is my first time posting on this community, and I am really hoping to get some opinions on whether acquiring an emotional support animal, or a psychiatric support animal, would be helpful to me. I don't know if I would be approved yet, but I would like to get some insight on if it could help me before I ask my therapist.
Firstly, I have suffered from OCD since early childhood (like most sufferers) and it never really interfered with my life until I reached college. When I began college I started spending hours rewriting notes because of one mistake, checking doors, rearranging the freaking pillows on my bed, etc. Another large problem I have is picking my skin, particularly on my face, I have scars because of it and although at times it has calmed down, I always return to picking my pimples, my eyebrows, and bumps to suppress my anxiety. I have been on medication for about 3 years now and it has helped me a lot, but I still suffer from some of these things and it often makes me fall behind on my work and feel isolated from the small social life I have. Like many people, my OCD is also accompanied by generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and occasional panic attacks (maybe once a month but in the past I had several a week, but they are more under control now).
I am still a college student, a junior, and next year I plan on living in a single dorm or possibly an apartment (finally!). I consistently see a psychologist, but only recently have we began to go deeper into my family issues and the root of all of my anxiety. For the past year I have been feeling so isolated from everyone and it is often hard for me to socialize.
Additionally, about two years ago I began horseback riding for anxiety and fell in love with the sport and with horses. I truly believe they have helped me cope even more then medicine sometimes because riding forces me to relax and I feel like we are a team (me and the horse lol). I still ride in school, but I can only go about once a week as I have to drive to the barn. I have considered buying my own horse, but that is extremely costly and would be difficult to manage while in school because I would have to drive to where my horse was kept, and would not be able to take it home during the summer.
That being said, the dog breeder from whom my two pet border collies are from at home expecting a litter of puppies soon and it has made me consider if pursuing an emotional support animal would be helpful to me. My thoughts were I could get a puppy as an emotional support animal, if it were approved by my therapist, and then train the dog to become a psychiatric service dog.
I feel like the dog would not only help with my loneliness, but encourage me to get out and take it on walks or hikes (there are lots of beautiful places to hike where I go to school). My OCD also does not concern germs or contamination, so I am not worried about that being a problem. I am more worried the dog might be too much responsibility and actually overwhelm me, but being that I have absolutely no friends even though I am in a sorority (my attempt at making friends), I feel I would be able to give the dog more then enough time and attention. Also, as I mentioned, my parents have two border collies at home which I have helped to raise and train; they have also provided me a lot of emotional support when I am at home.
Anyways, I was looking for any insight or advice. Maybe some of you have support animals and can let me know how it has helped you! Thank you for any help!!
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self.Anxiety
|
19 (f) I really dont want to but I cant see any other answer. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
What’s wrong with me Why is my head not cleared? Why can’t I sleep? What the hell is wrong with me?! Why am I not okay? Why do I want to cut? What the hell is wrong with me?! Why am I anxious for no reason? Why do I contemplate eating or not? What the hell is wrong with me?!
I’m not normal. All I ever wanted was to be normal.
|
self.depression
|
Stomach Flu Fears I have huge anxiety about throwing up and this is the second time I'm getting some type of throwing up related stomach virus in a matter of three months. Any tips on getting through the next few hours?
|
self.Anxiety
|
How to cope with depersonalization from anxiety? Hey guys!
I went to a counseling appointment at my college today to basically vent about something that’s been disrupting my daily life: spaciness (or derealization). My default mode is to be zoned out, oblivious to my surroundings, not thinking enough to even apply basic logic to tasks, and maintaining a flat personality (difficulty expressing emotions because I feel little to nothing).
We came to the conclusion that my spaciness/derealization may be happening often because my brain has found that this is the “safest” way to cope with a tremendous amount of external and internal stress. That’s probably part of the reason, at least.
So, I’m wondering if there is a way to train myself out of this and “feel again”, so to speak. My counselor gave me the advice to practice expressing emotions to myself in the mirror, so I may try that. But, I’m wondering how the rest of you cope with it, as well. Any suggestions are welcome!
Edit: I meant “derealization”, but can’t edit the title of this post.D:
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self.Anxiety
|
My depression is an excuse I can’t help but feel like my depression and suicidal thoughts are just an excuse to be lazy and not try in life
|
self.depression
|
Pdoc went on vacation without filling out my disability paperwork. Turned it in for her to finish Oct 24th. She won’t be back until the 21st of this month. No one told me until yesterday. No Christmas for me this year. I’m so upset that she would be so negligent. I literally can’t pay rent. I can’t find work. I can’t get disability. I feel so desperate right now.
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self.bipolar
|
I want to stop being jealous, and start to smile. but I feel like I can't relax. I feel like I'm start to panic. Because I'm jealous about a women in my hobby group. And I usually use hobby as relaxation. Context, I have a crush on a women in my board game group and another guy is also in my board game group. I don't want to lose my cool and call out every party in this situation.
I feel good when I hangout with her, but when this guy join my group after. I felt a lot of distress. I feel really nervous, my hand shake and I feel cold, My heart rate is raising I think I'm panicking.
I can control myself not to do anything stupid, but I don't really like myself when my heart rate is high, my hand are shake. or anything.
Everything is still in mild level. I looking forward for doctor but next two day is weekend so I think there are no doctor available for me right now.
I want to smile to her but I feel like when he is talking with her I can't really smile or crack any joke, best thing I can do is poker face.
I know that people is attract to smile, and people want to talk with anyone that smiling or able to crack a joke, but when this guy is here I can't do any of that thing.
This guy is in my hobby group, hobby use to be a thing I relax. but now I feel like there are perpetual war that happen with him and me. I feel like he try to sabotage everything, when I'm trying to act cool in front of anyone not just her. He's going to sabotage everything.
I really not want to walk away from my hobby, I feel like it's a last frontier before insanity.
I feel like this is a case that "I'm not depressed, I'm surround by a jerk"
I hate competition, I hate confrontation. but this guy insist that the world is full of it. deal with it. So I think that negotiation is impossible.
Now, I feel like I'm a jerk myself and I want to end this.
How could I stop being nervous about this and stop jealousy?
|
self.Anxiety
|
What do you do when you simply cannot find an available psychiatrist in your city? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
[Vent] [Rant] I'm a failure in every sense of the word I'm an utter failure of a human being. I'm ugly, awkward, talentless, dumb and just completely incapable of being loved by anyone. No matter how hard I try I constantly get fucked over in the end because God/Allah/Fate/Destiny/The Force really fucking hates me for some reason, it's almost as if I was Adolf Hitler in a past life or something. I'm actually so pissed off and depressed that I'm going to go into full detail about everything, just to paint a picture about how fucking worthless and unlovable I truly am.
Ugly - I hate just about everything about myself. My disgusting dago nose (Fuck you, I'm Italian so I can say this), my Neanderthal forehead, my disgustingly pudgy and featureless face, my god awful hair and hairline, my crooked jaw, my downy eyes and my deformed Shrek-like ears, and last but not least : my horrendous facial hair. I look like a God damn carnival attraction, and every time I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror I just want to rip my face off with a screwdriver.
Awkward- I can't even properly communicate with people my own age. Most of the time I have absolutely no fucking clue what they're talking about and vice versa. Everything from my neutral pose to walking to full on sprinting looks completely awkward.
Talentless- I'm good at literally nothing. From Drawing to Martial arts to writing literature/poetry I'm completely incompetent.
Dumb- This one is pretty straight forward. I'm a fucking idiot. I had to leave high school because going there every single day made me want to borderline kill myself, so I instead opted for a Military school GED Program that I could knock out in around 8-14 weeks (I managed to get out with the first group after getting audited because fuck my luck) and as soon as I came home I went back to being the same pathetic piece of trash that I was when I first went.
Unlovable- there is absolutely nothing lovable about me. I'm not handsome, I'm not some sort of Chad quarterback that gets all the girls, I'm just some Frankenstein looking motherfucker that girls would rather fucking kill themselves than even give a chance to (not exaggerating, this actually happened last year). All I want is to just have someone to talk to, spend time with and love, but the closest thing I've ever had to a relationship was with a "Close Friend" that just tried to use me so that my Aunt could smuggle her up to Michigan.
I don't even know why I'm bothering posting this. I can already tell that this is probably going to be laughed at in a SootHouse video or something, but dammit I'm just so sick of bottling all this up. I've been contemplating posting here for months because I'm almost at the point of no return. I'm honestly sorry if you actually sat down and read through this wall of Misery and Failure I just erected.
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self.depression
|
"You have no right to be depressed.... you have money, you can eat regularly..."
If the world followed your logic, Kurt Cobain wouldn't kill himself
|
self.depression
|
For many years now I have occasionally had suicidal feelings.
Any time you want to do kill yourself, wait 24 hours 1st.
It may pass.
Do not forget that most who try and fail find new reasons to live.
I do not really know why I started to post here... I know recently I feel like killing myself again.
But I will not. I have responsibilities.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
So I met this guy, got really close, and now he tells me he's going to commit suicide. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Restless legs!! It happens about an hour after I take my seroquel every night since we increased to 150 mg. Anybody else experience this? If so, can we fix it?? It’s maddening!
|
self.bipolar
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I just wish life would end For almost half my life I've ether wanted to kill myself or I can't wait for life to end. I want to be happy but it's so hard. When I tell people about my life I don't think they believe me and that's ok because some people don't want to see the world for what it really is. I know and others know what a dark world we live in and as long as I have hope for the future then I think I will be alright. Well that is usually what I think but right now I'm going thought a bad time in my life and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm tired of telling myself that life will get better because in my 30 years on this earth I don't think it has. I feel like I have traded one bad thing for another as the years have gone by.
Before I could even remember to around 8 years old I was being sexually abused.
From the time I was 5 to 18 I had moved over 26 different times.
I went to 10 different school.
I had a hard time learning in school that when I was in grade 3 they said I just learn my kindergarten letters.
When I was 15 I started to lose my hair.
I sufferer from depression and anxiety.
I have no one in my life that I can trust, well I don't trust anyone.
I work low paying jobs.
Right now my bills are pilling up faster then I can pay them off.
My sexually abused story is hard to put into words because even I don't understand it fully. I have memories of stuff but I'm not sure if they are true or not. Like I have this memory where I'm standing in front of this dude that is sitting in a chair that reclines. In the background there is this lady that walks by the door for a second and I don't see her anymore. As I'm standing in front of that dude he has his gross nasty thing out and he puts chocolate sauce on it and tells me to lick it. I don't know if I lick it or not because that is all there is to that memory.
This sexually abuse store I know is true because it went on for years and I know it's not part of the first story if it happened. The person who abused me for years was my uncle and he never had any woman in his life. Well I never told my family that my uncle sexually abused me. They see him as a loving and funny man to be around. It was not hard for him to get his hands on me because he was my mom's go to babysitter when she wanted to go out and party and she used to party almost every weekend. The only reason he stopped with the abuse was that he got diabetes and had to have one of his legs cut off.
The third time I was sexually abused was when I was around 8 years old. My mom met this man and he used her low self esteem for love to get close to her to get to me. One day while we where at his house my mom left me there so she could get food. I remember sitting on his lap and he put his hand into my pants and for some reason I told him no. I don't know what made me say it but I said no. He said one more minute and I said I would tell my mom. He pulled his hand out and I walked away. I still didn't tell my mom. I have other memories with him doing stuff but just like my first memory it is fuzzy and I'm not sure if it's real or not. My fuzzy memory is where my mom left me in his care while she went out. I remember he was showing me stuff and I don't know how it happened but I was on the couch and he was on top of me. I remember pushing him off and I blacked out for a second or two because next thing I know I'm trying to climb the stairs and then everything is black again.
I don't really know what to say about moving. I have lived in two provinces and one territory, I lived in 2 hotels, once in foster care, 4 times with other families and 19 times with my family all over.
I went to 10 different school because of all my moving. Kindergarten, 1 to 4, 6 and 9 to 12 I went to 1 school. 7 and 8 I went to 2 schools and grade 5 I went to three different schools. The only reason in grade 9 to 12 I went to one school is because the city I was living in was so small that it only had 4 high schools.
School and learning is a big part of my anxiety. I love to learn but when you know your not doing as good as the other kids it hard. I would have so much faith that I was doing great but time and time again I would get things back and it would be shitty. It also didn't help that I didn't have help from anyone at home. My brother was in an accident when he was 5 and I was 1 and because of that he got tutors but you would think my report card saying I need help would get me help. My brother didn't have a mental handicap afterwords, he just got a pipe throw his arm from the other car. OK I'm jealous over the tutor that he got but it got so bad that in grade 6 I only got marked for 3 things. Personally planing, P.E and art. I remember once when I was in grade 9 and I failed a class that I tried to explain to my mom why and all she said was, "You trying to explain why makes me think you failed on purpose." She just walked away and I finally realized she didn't care. It's funny because she wants me to go to college but how can I when I have no drive to go to school anymore. I can't see what school will bring me because I have no faith in my learning abilities. When I go to school I freak out so much in my head that I'm failing that I fail. I freak out about my writing and anything school related. When I finally went to college I failed almost everything and I got so depressed.
I remember sitting in my chair late at night holding a knife thinking I would not have to feel this way anymore. I don't have to feel worthless or I don't have to worry about the future and what it holds. I just don't have to feel anything but even after all that I always held onto that one hope that everything will get better.
I don't know if i told you this but I'm a female. All this time you might have read it and just figured I was female but sexual abuse does happen to males to. Just as much as abuse happens to males, female hairloss also happens to woman. It might not happen as much to woman as men but it happens. When I was around 15 or younger I started to lose my hair. Every year that I live my hair loses more and more hair from the top of my head. I don't really know what to say about this. I'm just a balding female and there's nothing I can do. I did try some stuff but I didn't like the way my body felt so I stopped.
Trust is another problem I have, well you know how I said I never told my mother about the abuse. One day she asked me if anyone ever touched me and I don't like to lie so I said yes. I gave her the name of the lesser of the two evils and she didn't say anything more about that. Next thing I know one day at school I had people come talk to me about what happened. You know what the shitty thing about what happened is that she pick that dude over me. She knew what happened and she still let him come around the house, until one day I got taken away by foster care. She got me back right away and that is what started our move out of province. It's not the only time she taken other people sides over mine. If she got a boyfriend they came first. I remember once I got sick and I was puking my guts out and I called her up and she basically told me there's nothing she can do so there's no point coming home. I remember calling her when it was -50C outside asking her to come pick me up and she said no because she just washed her hair. You might wonder why I didn't take the bus or call a taxi but taxi stopped picking up there phone if they got to busy and buses stopped running after 7pm. I got off work at 10 30pm so I was stuck walking home in the cold. I remember another time I fainted and I woke up to her laughing and asking me what happened. After I told her I don't know she went on her merry old way. As long as my mom sees me as awake and not dead she don't care.
Do you wonder ware my dad is in all this, well I never lived with him. My parents never got along as far back as I can remember. I remember once when I was 12 my dad asked me to spend Christmas with him and he said he would call me back the next day for my answer. I asked mom and she said yes but he never called back. Later he said that he thought mom would never agree but to my 12 year old heart that hurt so much. My dad lived two days drive from me and growing up I maybe got to see him 10 or less times. I can think of 5 times I've seen him but there must be some days I'm forgetting. Once I got old enough to visit him on my own and it still ended badly. My dad was remarried by that point and I went to visit him for Christmas and we all went back to visit his family. After a nice Christmas with his family he told me he was going back to work instead of spending the 3 extra days with me before I went home. He told me, my step mom would not have time for me because she had meetings and I was fine with that. I remember him kept telling me that over and over again. Since she was busy I went and hung around the mall shopping because sitting around someone house watching TV all day is boring. I also still haven't bought any Christmas gifts for my family back home. I remember I would come home and she would be in her office talking on the phone so I just left her alone and just watched TV. Between the time I left and came back I had not seen my dad for 8 months and in all that time he was mad at me and didn't say why. All I know is that I went to visit him and he told me I had to say sorry to my step mother and of course I asked why. All he said was oh your going to plead ignorant are you? He tried calling her up so I could say sorry and I'm glad he never got through because back then I would have said it but after I cooled down I would have regretted it. He even went so far as to bring me to there house to say sorry but she fled before we got there. I was so happy to be seeing them again that I bought gifts. I should have just smashed the gifts. To this day I have no clue what happened and all I can do is guess. The last time I seen her is because my grandmother died, otherwise dad only invites me over when she not around.
My brother, almost a year back told me that he would always be hear for me. How can someone say that when they don't ever pick up your phone calls. The last time I called him was Feb 11 and I called him 4 times that day. He never picked up my call and never called me back. The last time he called me was Sept 20 because I posted some picture on Facebook of me sitting in the hospital waiting for the doctor. Do I have to die first before anyone cares.
I tired of talking of my family. It's just making me really sad and the tears will not stop pouring out of my eyes.
Lets talk about something simple. I work low paying jobs because I don't have the confidence that I can do anything better and I suffer from really really bad anxiety. My anxiety can be so bad that I will not even go into a shop I never been in before. I don't like talking to new people and getting a job makes me have to bring up my worst fears. In a job interview I have to enter buildings I never been in before and talk to people I don't know. I have to show that I'm somewhat smart but my mind tends to break down so I come off like a fool. Even if I some how I get the job and I get promoted I will not take it because I freak out that I'm will show every one I failed. I was not good enough, my still that fool in grade school that everyone laughed at. I've been in the job field for 12 years now and I'm still only making a dollar or more then when I started back then.
Right now I just feel like life is weighting down on me. I didn't have a job for most of this year because I was having a hard time. I got into an accident a couple months ago and the bills just came in the mail today. A week ago today I broke one of my teeth in half and that's another couple 1000's I can't afford. In a couple days it's Christmas and I got nothing to be happy about. I'm 30 years old and I always told myself life will get better. For 15 years I've been telling myself that and life has not gotten better. I might not have to worry about sexually abuse but I traded that in for debit, depression and anxiety. How am I going to pay my rent for the next month. I'm barley eating because food cost so much money. I only eat one meal a day and even after I eat I'm still hungry.
I just don't want to feel this way anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I should be happy about the next stage in my life, but currently I'm just not So I'm here to write down some feelings that I want to make some sense of. I've been pretty down these last few weeks and I'm hoping this will help.
I graduated university in the summer with a first class, and a few weeks ago I got a job offer in my favourite city. I'm supposed to start on Wednesday, and it scares me. I'm supposed to be moving in with my boyfriend, and I think that's scaring me too. The company has given me less than a month to find somewhere to live in this new city, over Christmas too. I still haven't got anything organised, and not for lack of trying.
The past week or so I've been staying with my boyfriend to organise things together, but I just feel so empty, I go through the paces each day but get no enjoyment from anything. He's getting worried about how distant I've been and I don't know what to tell him. I play online games with an online community to escape from it, but I don't feel like it's helping. If anything, it's causing more doubts in my mind about real life when I realise how much I like talking and playing with those guys every night.
I'm not looking forward to starting work, even though it's the only place I was excited to join. I feel like I'm counting down the days until I lose all freedom. No more late night games and conversations that I'm binging these days, or nipping to the shop when it's less busy, or having a relaxed morning coffee, or getting to the climbing wall at off-peak times.
I've spent the last week dying for some time to myself, I don't go to bed when he does because that's the only time I can get alone, but that's making him sad too. And all I keep thinking is that it won't change when we live together. I want space for myself but the spare room of wherever we move will be for his computer. And there's various other living habits I put up with when staying here but do not want when we live together. So I guess the main problem is my incompetence of expressing my feelings out loud.
If you got this far, thanks for reading
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self.offmychest
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I have dreams about being in a relationship Honestly i feel so alone and its honestly gotten to a point where it kreeps itself into my dreams like in my dream i just had i dreamt that i looked at my phone and just saw that people had messaged me. Its just sad that i have these dreams and wake up hating my life feels like ill be alone forever and my mind is taunting me with it.
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self.depression
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Not urgent I keep wanting to do it although at this point I'm starting to realise I probably can't. I can't imagine ever getting out of this family and even if I can someday I feel so hopeless at the thought of enduring this shit for at least 5~6 more years. I know it's a short time compared to my whole life but I can't get myself to think logically. I don't know how I'll ever get myself to another country, I don't know how I'm gonna get the money, I don't even know the legal procedures and shit and it's stupid to be thinking of this all now but it gives me so much anxiety. I can't stand the thought of spending more time here and my school years are gonna be hell. The pressure is killing me and I'm just going to be isolated for so many more years and I can't take it. Even if I get myself through somehow I can't imagine being happy. I don't see the point of going through all this and I just want to be free.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Inspired by the other cousin post- I am dating my cousin [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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What to do when life is good but you feel like shit? I have a good job. My finances are good enough where I don’t have to look at prices when I buy food. I have friends and family. I travel and go to concerts and live life.
Yet I don’t care about any of this for the most part. Nothing can really improve my life because I have everything I need. My meds keep me stable but I’ve lost that manic high feeling (but also the inevitable lows). I’m not even sure I have a question, but what now?
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self.bipolar
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Just not who I want to be So much has been going on in my life the past couple years, and I'm just really... depressed. Unfortunately I have BP2 with either rapid cycling or a lot of mixed states (we're still figuring it out) so I get depressed pretty often.
I'm in college and sometimes I just feel like school in general isn't for me, y'know? But I'm at year 3 now and I keep telling myself I can't quit now... Nor do I want to, really? I have no idea what I would do if I dropped out, and I would probably be even more disappointed in myself if I didn't get the degree. (also I love the subject, when I'm not majorly stressing over grades? I'm a stem major and I fucking love math and science, even though I am so so bad at them.)
I've already failed* one class and dropped another in those 3 years, and this finals week was hell. Between sleep deprivation from anxiety and having the flu, I just don't think I did well this semester either. I think I failed* BOTH of my major math courses... which sets me back another semester (I'm already behind...)
Its just... math and science are hard by themselves, without having anxiety, bipolar disorder, AND being sick as a dog? It sucks.
I don't think I'm taking good enough care of myself either, physically or emotionally. I keep oversleeping and therefore running late and so I don't have time to shower, brush my teeth, etc... and other times I'm just too exhausted to move. I try my best to appear presentable, but its hard to do anything at all sometimes.
I just don't like where I am. I don't feel like I'm doing good enough in most aspects of my life... but hopefully I leave my funk soon. Maybe winter break will help? We can hope.
*Not technically failed, but got a D. I haven't gotten any F's, which is good I guess. However, at my college, if a class is a pre-requisite for another, you need a C or above to "pass" the pre-req and continue onto the following course.
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self.bipolar
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Recurring brain zaps on Zoloft that aren't caused by missing a dose [deleted]
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self.depression
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Please Help, its not enough and im scare of CTE. Im a 22
Sorry for my bad english.
Fuck! im crying now but let me tell you first some things i went through:
my mother left us when i was 10 and my dad made sure to let us know that the only reason he didn't walk out on us (2 sisters and i) was because of other people's opinions. so we moved to the USA because my dad wanted to clear his mind and we had family members, that let us sleep on their garage for a couple on months before getting my dad's apartment.
Since the age of 10 ive never had a place to call home i feel unwanted, yet i learned english very quickly compare to my classmates so that i could show up at school with a fake smile, and be the "funny guy" yet every time someone tried to have a connection with me i pushed them away, all my friends and even some family.
i fell into a serious depression at 16, i felt lonely and unwanted and it went sooo far i actually bought some pills that the guy assure me will work, but i was such a coward i didnt do it, that's when started using video games and TV shows as tools to feel **good**, and it work!, even during my sister's death due to cancer this march, i was "fine" i went to my room and watch all 1-3 seasons of the tv show "Community" and everything was "fine".
But on July it came back for NO FUCKING REASON!! i started to feel it again... this... sensation, its not anger, its the feeling of never being truly happy. So i used the show "riverdale" as a way to not be alone with my thoughts. thats when i realize it never left, ive been playing video games since that night on my room with the pills just to distract myself before it eventually caught up with me, jesus i even created this reddit account just to talk about games.
The scary part is i WANT to be alone i WANT to die alone. and im scare is because of CTE something im NEVER gonna be able to feel true happiness because is something physically that i can't change.
* My first 2 concussions at 13(playing football back when i lived on the usa),
* 6 more at 14 (wrestling in the USA) and
* 3 when we return here to mexico at 15-17 (playing american football).
My music taste changed after my 2nd concussion at 13, my taste buds change after a concussion at 16, and even though my English is bad, i use it as my first language(which corresponds with my 1 to 8 concussions that happen when i was exclusively speaking English).
Lately is even more apparent, i changed all my clocks to a 24 hour format for no fucking reason!
the ONLY thing that makes me feel happiness is tv shows now, because video games and my precious dog thor are not working like they used to.
I feel unwanted, i feel lonely, i feel like life is not worth living if its gonna be like this.
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self.SuicideWatch
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my GF of 10 years recently left me for her uncle who molested her from the ages of 10 - 17. in August she turned 32, I am 35 years old and I feel more confused about life now than anytime before.. its like I lost hope in mankind. can someone please talk me down from the ledge...??? I'm lost fam
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self.SuicideWatch
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Well it's my birthday I got to 20 without killing myself Thanks for all the comments I did not get any happy birthdays today so all of these were nice
Thanks
I love this community thanks for saving my life
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self.depression
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please somebody just talk to me, I need a distraction from this pain [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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LOST I don't know where else to turn to.
I have severe anxiety and depression and I can literally feel it eating me alive. I have lost so much weight lately, along with all my curves. I feel so awful about myself, my self-esteem is trash. I feel like everyday it takes more and more work not to end it.
Lately, I've had OCD thoughts about my boyfriend cheating on me. I feel like he doesn't love me like he used to. I have told him about it, but he gets defensive and makes me feel guilty for having these thoughts. Not on purpose, of course, but by the time we get to that point in a conversation, I have already given up so it's not worth it for me to point that out. I feel really under appreciated.
I handle all the finances, cleaning, cooking, shopping, and I am a college student and working full time. My boyfriend works hard at work and I know it's stressful for him.
When I am alone, I found that I don't have anyone to turn to. My parents don' return my calls anymore and my siblings won't talk to me either (I moved 2000 miles away). I don't have any friends and when I try to make them I feel like such a fool. No one is looking to be my friend, which sucks. I really have no one.
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self.depression
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I have an irrational fear of being cheated on. I have a great boyfriend. We’ve been dating for several months now, but I can tell he’s the man I want to marry. And he wants to wife me up in the future as well, so it’s a win-win.
He’s perfect in my eyes. He’s funny, handsome, talented in pretty much every area (wink, wink). Hell, he can cook like a master chef. He plays the piano better than a goddamn musical prodigy. He sings like Allan Rayman. His eyes are an intense, piercing blue. I could look at him all day, he’s so beautiful.
He views me as his perfect woman. His equal. His girlfriend, lover, future wife and future bearer of his kids. He loves every part of me, even the parts of me I hate. When he found out I was self-harming, he didn’t look at me in disgust. He helped me. He helps me with anything. He likes buying me things, which I’m still reluctant about but he keeps insisting that he buys me things I want and like. He makes me laugh all the time and he loves my laugh. He loves my smile. He adores me.
And yet, I’m brought to tears at my anxieties and insecurities. I know it’s irrational, because he’s promised me time and time again he wouldn’t cheat. He would never want to cheat. He’s promised that he would never stop loving me. He’s said everything that could possibly put my mind at ease.
I trust him wholeheartedly. His heart is golden and there’s so much trust and communication in the relationship that I know he would never cheat on me, but the fear is still there.
I want to tell him, so he can ease my mind again, but I don’t want to come off as more insecure than I am or that I don’t trust him, which I do. I just can’t help these anxieties. I’m not sure what to do.
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self.offmychest
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When someone take their life ... PSA: when someone takes their life, the wrong thing to do is reach out to their closest friends asking for explanations surrounding their depression and general mental state. You certainly DO NOT state that you wish the deceased had reached out to their friends. NEWSFLASH: THEY WISH THAT TOO! This is not a time to point fingers, dig for answers, or to share just how much this has hurt you (I'm talking to you -- the people who have met my friend once or twice) -- especially over social media. Depression isn't simple. It is not brought on by having a few bad days at work. It is not remedied by a change of scenery, a phone call, or a quick trip to the doctors. The people who were closest to the deceased are not here to console you. Life is not about you. It is about the people who surround you. It is a time to celebrate the persons life who has passed, reflect inward, and reach out to those who are in your life and ask for what they might need.
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self.depression
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I think it's funny and ridiculous how when you Look up the best methods to die the first results are suicide hotlines and people telling you not to do it. But they don't know you and they don't know your life, it's crazy how people can sit there and lie to your face and tell you every life has meaning and everyone deserves to be happy and people really think life is inherently valuable but they are wrong and naive, some people like me deserve to suffer and die.
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self.SuicideWatch
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i finally get to spend Christmas this year without being forced to see my dad in jail for the past several years, my siblings and i have been taken by our mother to go visit our dad in jail during christmas eve or christmas day. she thinks having a complete family for the holiday is everything when i absolutely despise being stuck in such a depressing place when i’m supposed to feel festive. it also didn’t help that there was a big crowd that do not know how to queue whenever we line up for visiting. there was one year my sister and i both had a panic attack and cried because the crowd got too much and people, who were very much rude, laughed and rolled their eyes because we ”still cried at that age” and we forced our mom to just let us go home. i absolutely hated this tradition. it was embarrassing and pathetic. my dad wasn’t a good father and husband but my mom loves him anyway. she always goes the long way for him, even illegal things that break the law, such as paying employees in the jail so that us, her children, could spend the night with our dad and her, in jail, even though all he ever did when he was free was hurt the family. i absolutely want her to just leave him there to rot so we can move on with our lives. he chose that life but we didn’t. i’m not going to let him drag everyone down with him.
i moved to another continent with my mother’s side of the family. i was offered by my father’s family to move in with them too and i was aware that i would have a better life there if i moved with them instead of my mom’s family, but my traumatized ass needs a cleanse and i’m not going to risk getting reminded of my dad a lot. i already have a lot of messages from my dad that i don’t even bother opening or reading. my mom constantly brings him up whenever we talk but i always just slyly ignore her and talk about something else.
i’m probably such a bad child for doing this and holding grudges, but honestly i don’t want my dad in my life anymore at all. he was never good to us. he seems to be ”changing” now that he’s spent the countless years in jail, but if he ever gets out, i don’t trust him to not be the same selfish asshole i’ve known him as the whole time i was living with him. he’s the type of guy to yell at his children for eating the food because he hasn’t eaten, even though we haven’t too.
i feel free and i don’t know how i’ll be celebrating christmas this year, but however it will be, i’m sure it will be so much better.
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self.offmychest
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Hard Night I am having a really hard time recently. I feel like a failure, I can't get anything done properly. I've been in college for four years and yet am still a year away from my AA. I am running in circles, not going any where, just making a deeper and deeper track that's trapping me. I almost did it last night. I was right there, ready to end it all when I thought of who would find me and how that would change their life forever. I just don't know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The impact of those words "I want to commit suicide"
My family is in shock, some of my friends know.
I feel bad I'm the cause of so much sadness. They love me.
Still feel like a loser, there's no hope, and no future.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The only mean well I miss my family i miss rhe dogs and cats the quiet country i wanna come home even for just a visit
But several states away i sit in apartnent filled with menories of n ex who abandoned me
Each time i ask to come home in met with oh well just visit
Im 27 i just wanba fo home n feel safe n secure again.
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self.depression
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feels like i'm suffocating I'm a 15 year old girl and am at a loss at how to be a 15 year old anymore. A year ago I was dealing with difficult things, but I could deal with it. It felt impossible but I was ignorant to real pain. 2017 came with more than just goals, but with suicides, changing my perspective and changing the person I am. New year, new me. In 8 months I lost 3 people to suicide. The first kid was in January, his name was Cory and I didn't really know him. His death was a shock to me because before then suicide never really affected me, I knew it was real, but it didn't really pertain to my life. It was more shocking to me then anything else. He was a couple years older than me and I had never really talked to him. Then came Monday April 10th, I remember the day exactly, everyone was stressing over the chem test we were gonna have the next day. I remember joking with my friend Colin about his best friend Isaac because he didn't show up to class, again. The last time I had seen Isaac was on Thursday, we had been hanging out after I had softball practice and he had gymnastics. I remember when my mom had finally picked me up, that I had ran back to Isaac to get my phone, his expression was confused and amused. That was the last time I ever saw him alive. Monday night Colin had texted me while I was studying for the test, and he told me Isaac had taken his life. He kept saying it was real as if he was trying to convince himself, but it didn't seem real. It still doesn't, and I STILL don't know how to deal with the fact that I will never see him again, and it's been 8 months. I had only known him and been friends with him for the few months we were in that class, but his death affects me deeply. It was so unexpected, he was always laughing and smiling, and then he was just gone. Never to fail that chem test, never to graduate, never again to die his hair a crazy color, or attempt to explain to me gymnastics. I'm never gonna hear the sound of his voice again, never gonna tease him about how he would be so much hotter if he ditched his ugly sweatshirts, never gonna see the small gap in between his teeth when he smiled, never gonna walk with him in the halls. I remember seeing his body in a casket. It looked like him, but it wasn't. He wasn't my Isaac anymore, dressed nicer than I had ever seen him, covered in make-up that I guess was to preserve him, and so so stiff. All the life in him was gone but part of me kept waiting for him to get up. I started falling down this rabbit hole of depression and just couldn't pull myself out of it. Thankfully though, I had a friend to help me through it. I've known him my whole life, he knows every gory detail about me and kept me going, and I kept him going too. For the first time, I made somebody else's happiness my responsibility. I thought that by helping him, I could help myself. Advice for anyone who reads this, don't think you can help a depressed person when you can barley keep yourself in check. I've been scared for him before, really scared, have had to talk him out of suicide more than once. But Lucas finally promised me that he would never leave me, never make his younger brother an only child, never make his girlfriend, his best friends, his mother, suffer that way. And I thought that it was enough. September 19th I went to school, saw him a few times, knew he was being more distant than usual. That day I found out a girl I went to camp with was in a car accident the day before and didn't make it. The night was a bit hard for me. I remember getting a notification from Lucas on snapchat, but I turned my phone over. I was tired of being the one pulling him out, closing his door was opening mine and I was too selfish to care. I mean if it was really that important he would have texted me, not snapped me. The next day I walked into school and went to the table where me and my friends sat, everyone there was crying and a few people weren't there at all. One of my friends told me that someone had died the night before, but I didn't want to hear it. I just turned and walked away. 3000 kids in that school, it wasn't going to be someone I knew. But then one of my friends told me that I needed to know who it was, and when he said the name "Lucas Gerber" everything in me just crashed and burned. I didn't want to believe it, so I didn't. Until his little brother sent me a snap confirming it. And that's when it hit me, this kid, who had so many strings attached to me that some of them just became my own, this kid who used to say that we know each other too much to ever not be friends, this kid who has been there for me since I was in elementary school, this kid who promised he wouldn't leave, was dead. Had jumped in front of a train the night before, a couple hours before he texted me on snapchat and I ignored him. Lucas is dead. And I am still fucking here. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to live. I don't know how to get over it. I don't know how to stop myself for hating him for leaving me. I don't know how to block out the sound of the train that goes past my house day and night. I don't know how deal with the fact that I can't talk to one of my best friends ever again. That I'm never gonna feel his scrawny self embrace me, never gonna go on the swings with him at our old elementary school, never gonna smoke with him by the pond, never even gonna hear the sound of his voice. I was always lost, but now I'm alone. My vocabulary is inadequate in expressing the brokenness within. There's too much pain. There's too much anger. I was always fucked up, always on the verge of breaking. Isaac's death shattered me to pieces, but Lucas's death killed me from the inside out. So much of me was tied to him that part of me died with him. I feel like an empty vessel just going through the motions. Smiling and laughing but just dead on the inside. So my question is this, how is a person who's exceeded there breaking point find a way, or even the urge to reconstruct themselves?
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self.depression
|
Currently having a mental breakdown in the middle of the dining hall Crying. No one seems to care. All alone. Don't help me. Just **save** me. Please. I'll give you anything you want
Edit: it hasn't even been 5 minutes and I get downvoted. feels like home. i love you guys
... Ok. What do you want? A huge wall of text? Something that makes sense from someone who is at the verge of losing his senses? What makes it so great to downvote people who wants to share how they feel? Is it because I have provided so little context? Is it because I was so *busy* crying and focusing my thoughts that I couldn't even pick a few more words to make it more adjusted to your tastes? I've told everyone everything I could tell. So what is the point to hurting someone who is as sensitive as exposed tooth nerves by doing something that is hardly evil? It hurts, yes it fucking hurts. Yes, this doesn't make sense at all. Why would I care about downvotes? Why would I even care about what other people think about me? Sure, there are times when I post stuff on reddit just for karma or acknowledgement but when I'm here looking for any drop of support that could make me feel any better, it feels like getting pierced by a freshly sharpened dagger deep into your lungs. By the way, I would like to thank to the person who downvoted me because they have managed to trigger me to such an extent that I ended up writing something that I wouldn't even write for my essay homeworks in a year, and it made me stop crying by replacing all my thoughts with anger pointed at a single individual. Thank you.
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self.depression
|
I have to tell my therapist something, but no matter how hard I try to do it, I can't How am I supposed to tell her if I legitimately cannot spit it out? Writing it on a piece of paper and giving that to her wouldn't help either.
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self.depression
|
Severely hearing and speech impaired senior in Highschool. I want to kill myself. I had hearing problems since I was 4 years old, I soon went deaf and got implants at 11 years old.
I was homeschool most of my life until I entered school in the 10th grade 3 years ago.
I want nothing more then to be able to talk, laugh, go out and have fun with people. The only thing stopping me is my disabilities. I can hear just fine normally. But at school, there is so much noise. I can only sit back and do nothing.
People only look at me as some weird kid, who never says anything. The times I do try talking to people, I am severely hindered by my speech disability.
Only a few people know I'm suicidal, they keep telling me how smart I am and how successful I will be. Without meaning to brag I recently got a 35 in the reading section of the ACT.
But all of that is pointless. what good are money and success if I am going to be alone forever? I was offered multiple times to take part in the deaf community, but I refused. I just want to be normal. I hate having to have special situations made for me.
I am capable of so much more.
I have been thinking about killing myself these past few days. Not because life has gotten so hard. But because I don't see the point of continuing. My condition will never get better, I will always be deaf and alone. Money and fame are worthless to me if I am going to live my entire life unhappily.
Some say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But those people are so wrong, my problems are permanent.
I just want a friend.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
It was a year ago today my mom died. My mom (53) had stage 4 colon cancer. She was diagnosed in March last year and started chemo in August. She fell and fractured her hip in late October and died 19 days later. She was in a rehabilitation facility for the last week and a half and could no longer communicate completely or move. She couldn't even remember my name the last time she actually spoke. It's been a year and recently, one of my friends told me I shouldn't talk about it anymore because all I do is talk about her death. I'm only 21 (I was 20 when she died). Of course I'm gonna talk about it because it's the only way to make sense of how quickly it all happened. Now I feel shitty about talking about it because maybe everyone else is tired of hearing about it too. 🙁
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self.offmychest
|
Stuck in a cycle of pain, regret, and confusion. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I don't even have the will to leave my room anymore. I don't expect any replies, just wanted to write out a select few problems of mine.
I'm not sure what's been motivating me to go to school everyday for the past 2 years, I honestly live like a zombie doing whatever you "need" to do. And even after 2 years of severe depression, I hadn't realised that I've just been on autopilot.
I have no friends. Too awkward to and have never been or even considered being in a relationship. Never had ideas for a job in the future. I don't want to live, I don't particularly want to die all the time. I go to school and I'm a completely different person than I am when I'm in my room reading useless stuff on the internet, lost the ability to watch videos because there are real voices and can't stand the sight of a person or "outside".
I recently lost the will to leave my room after spending a 6 week holiday in my bedroom, a few weeks later another week in my room and am currently at the end of a 2 week holiday.. Alone as always.
Never went to a friends house, don't have any.
Have no plans for anything, just a zombie on autopilot.
I lost the will to leave my room, that means I'm never going to school ever again. I'm sick of living in autopilot, time is too slow.
It's a few days until school begins, parents will think "Too lazy to leave his room, selfish, self centred, can't be bothered".
At this point, I'm not sure what I should do. Maybe the only option for me is to opt out of this world.
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self.depression
|
Would rather be dead than stuck in poverty forever I was born poor and had a shitty childhood because of it, and things have never gotten better. It makes me so mad to hear people talk abotu how poor people should have kids because they “don’t need much” or “love is all they need.” Yeah, love will fix their fucking rotting teeth when you can’t afford to take them to the dentist, or prevent them from dying when they have a 105 fever and you can’t afford emergency room bills.
I was always hungry as a kid, tormented by other kids for the weird clothes I wore, got to see a dentist all of two times during my entire childhood, and had agonizing pain from having to wear shoes that were several sizes too small. I still don’t know what it’s like to go on a real vacation. Everyone said that I was smart and could work hard to get out of poverty, but it was a fucking lie.
Now I’m an adult and struggling to pay my bills while working on a premed science degree, but it seems like I’m always going to class hungry, one disaster away from homelessness, and no matter how hard I work, it’s never fucking enough. Everything takes me 5x as long as it would take someone else to do something. I don’t have a computer and printer, so if I have a paper or assignment that requires more than a phone, I have to do it at school around the computer room’s limited hours. I have to take buses everywhere, do laundry at a laundromat far away from my apartment, wait in endless lines at free health clinics and food pantries. I can barely afford to keep my lights and gas on.
I can’t get food stamps in my state because full time students don’t qualify, have no family that can help out, can’t find a cheaper place to live in my overpriced shitty town, and commuting from a cheaper nearby town isn’t an option due to lack of transportation. The waitlist for campus jobs and housing is so long, I’ll probably graduate long before seeing the end of it. I am at the end of what I can handle and my university has done fuck all to help me, short of referring me to worthless counselors who look at me with sad eyes and give me the same canned bullshit about how it “must be so hard” to feel stuck.
I sell things on Ebay to pay rent and have had the worst month. Normally I sell dozens of things a month and it’s enough to scrape by alongside my loans. Out of hundreds of listings and hours of work, I sold just 8 items this month and I’ll have to refund one person $20, which is nothing to so many people but made me cry for hours this morning because I’m so broke.
Even if I graduate, I’ll probably never make it to medical school. No matter how hard I work, there’s always some rich bitch whose parents have groomed her to become a doctor since childhood and are footing the bills for MCAT study prep and private tutors. Those people will get the seat in medical school in the end.
Poor people are fucked from birth. There is literally no way out of this if you’re born into it. I decided a long time ago that I’m never having kids. I’m so sick of hearing upper class politicians who never had to struggle for basic needs talk about clawing yourself out of poverty. I’m having a hard time seeing a way out of this hell other than ending my life.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
All my energy goes into not crying and holding a neutral face when I'm around people...the best I get is people thinking I'm boring and stuck up All that energy holding back the tears means I have no energy left to be chatty, or happy, I just seem like a boring reserved person. Looks don't matter when people think your boring or stuck up. I'm an empty sheep masquerading as human
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self.depression
|
surrounded by a brick wall So I'm a 19-year-old male who is currently a sophomore in college, and over the past couple months, I have just fallen into my most depressive state since Middle school.
Frankly, I hate being in school right now, I have no idea what I want to major in, the friends I made last year haven't talked to me since March, and my school is in the middle of a shitty neighbourhood in a sketchy small-city in Massachusetts with absolutely nothing to do. At the end of the last semester, I told myself that I had to leave this place for my own mental health and find an alternative way to live, and I have an increasingly solid plan. My parents, however, have been forcing me to stay, and when I told them that I had to leave, they pressured me to transfer, and even though I'm taking the next semester off, they're still forcing me to stay in conventional academics.
I know that as of this moment college isn't the right place for me, I've never liked school and I really don't like the unique aspects of college like dorm life and parties. I'm trying to figure out what I want with my life, but whenever I tell my parents that, they think I'm ridiculous and tell me that if I leave I'll become a drifting loser. The truth is, I haven't been able to focus on my classes for months, I've been drinking frequently, and there have even been a couple times that I've seriously contemplated suicide. I'm seeing help, but the worst moments always happen a day or two after the appointment, making it hard to discuss.
I think my plan is solid enough, but I'm too scared to make the leap into the unknown especially with regards to my family's reactions. Despite all I've said, my parents are good people who want whats good for me, and I don't want to jeopardize my relationship with them. Yet, on the other hand, I don't know how much more of college I can take, and my parents seem to be trying to close me in on their position.
In addition to all this, I've been having on and off gender dysphoria for the past year, and any attempt to feminize my appearance is met with suspicion by many around me, and publicly coming out in a more feminine matter would also greatly jeopardize relations with my family.
Tl;dr: I had a bad time in college, I've been making an alternative plan, parents are forcing me to stay on college route, making me really depressed. I also may or may not be trans, and that also wouldn't go down well.
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self.depression
|
How to lessen anxiety over things not going as planned? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm not really human Growing up I was treated poorly by many people and was never able to make good friends. I have always been shy, awkward, and unconfrontational. In elementary school especially I was an easy target for bullies and many of my "friends." I was too scared to ever tell my friends they were hurting me or my feelings. I did not want to lose them because they were all I had. I believe this left a great impact on my self esteem and self image which still affects me and my interactions with others.
For a long time I've believed I don't have a personality. I can't make conversation for shit. I'm not particularly interested in anything, I don't have favorite foods, music, movies, whatever. Nothing sticks out to me. I try to get into things and I can't. Nothing interests me. I don't care when people talk to me about anything, I can barely even fake caring. My mind is usually empty and rarely do I feel very emotional about anything. I want to feel what it's like to get really angry or happy but I never experience this. I am very uncaring towards everything.
I don't know, I don't feel like a human. I feel like something that should have been discarded at birth. Just something that exists that has no purpose. I feel like a big fucking joke.
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self.depression
|
Loneliness... It Fucking sucks I hate being lonely, years and i just cant take it, my depression comes and ruins me, when i talk to girls i always fuck it up something when i feel they are the one and then something happens, Im scared every night i will be lonely. Has anyone else felt the same? I mean i have that feeling that depression is the reason im lonely.
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self.depression
|
so... I still wanna die after surviving an OD, you'd think I'd have a bit more of an appreciation for living but I honestly just wish I hadn't called that person who called in the ambulance.
I hate that my family says that if I do something again, they'll kill themselves. I hate that they spent money to keep me alive. I hate having these mental illnesses. I hate that this one person who was supposed to be there for me is the one who's causing the biggest problems. I hate that I still find myself wanting to be with him. I hate how I am. I hate being alive.
Everything's always just so tiring. I just want to not. exist.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Just started medication for bipolar diagnosis, need advice please?! I have a similar story to others. Had many mental health issues throughout my life, got about 5 different incorrect diagnosis, was on various meds that did nothing, etc.
Well, within the last 4 months I've been diagnosed with Bipolar I, and it's been horrifying and a relief at the same time. I fit the criteria like a glove. I saw a new psychiatrist who confirmed the bipolar diagnosis and started me on Lamictal.
Within the first fewweeks i could tell it was going ton work. There was just like... a damper on all my emotions. A very small one, but it was there constantly.
However, I'm having this mini crisis because I'm starting to miss the mania. I am having VERY good luck with the medicine, and even people around me have commented on how things have been different, but I feel like I'm not myself anymore. My swings were bad. From so angry that I kicked down a door in my house, to sitting in the bathtub with a blade trying to think of a reason to stick around.
So i guess to make this as short as possible... how do you know what's you, and what's the bipolar disorder? I know that the medicine is probably fixing me and not making me a zombie, but it feels like I just can't feel as much anymore. Which is probably fantastic for everyone around me lol, but to me it just feels like a part of me is missing.
Any advice please? Any stories or experiences you can share?
|
self.bipolar
|
Nature vs Nurture... It drives me nuts when people attribute that which is attributable to nurture to nature instead...
White people can’t dance - yes they could, but they don’t generally grow up in households that encourage it
Black people can’t swim - tell that to any African who lives on the coast and whose entire life depends on fishing! It just happens to be that black parents tend not to enrol their kids in swimming lessons in America!
Indian people can handle spice - so could you if you were eating chilis from your very inception!
That, of course, just scrapes the surface of these ridiculous notions that many (if not most) people hold as truth. I am white. I’ve been playing drums in jazz/funk situations since I was 8. I have rhythm. And so could you, regardless of what the ignoramuses say based on your DNA.
Makes me sick that in this day and age these beliefs are still held at all, let alone widespread.
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self.offmychest
|
I'm starting to scare myself I'm 28 and mostly detached from everyone around me but usually pretty okay with my life. I keep a good face and crack jokes where I feel they would work, but over the couple years, I wake up sometimes with the feeling like nothing I do will ever matter to anyone and I hate everyone and everything. I feel a tightness in my lungs and want to cry. The thought of getting out of bed and having to exist is like torture and makes death feel like welcome relief. But then, around the afternoon, I feel fine again. Like nothing was ever wrong and I'm back to cracking jokes. But I have this overwhelming fear that when I wake up in the morning, I'll be the other me again. And I don't know how much more of this roller coaster I can take.
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self.bipolar
|
My phobia is making my depression worse. Please help. Ever since I was a little kid, I've had a fear of being confined. When I was little, walking in big crowds of people was painful to me, because if I ever got stuck between people, or if people even just blocked the door to an otherwise open room, I'd feel like I was closed in. My heart beat would speed up. I would think "I'm trapped, I can't move, I'm going to be stuck here forever, I'm going to die here." This has only gotten worse with age. Elevators, air planes, amusement park rides, buses, cars, just about anything where I have restricted movement and limited space can make me feel physically ill, or even throw me into a panic attack. I hate this so much, and I actively avoid going places where I might be closed in. Malls, tall buildings, transport. I can't stand any of it. My WORST fear though is that I might get arrested one day, or committed to a mental hospital and not able to leave. I would completely melt down, I would get sick and throw up everywhere. I would curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. It would be my absolute worst nightmare. Litterlly, I've been having dreams lately where I was arrested for a murder I didn't commit, like all those cop shows. (Speaking of, watching Orange is the New Black is horrifying for me, I feel nauseous whenever I try to watch it) As a rule, I avoid police and doctors for that very reason. I have an irrational fear of being confined by them. This phobia, whatever it is, is utterly awful. It keeps me from living, and as a result it makes me feel depressed and hopeless. What should I do? Please help.
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self.depression
|
I really don't want to die, but I can't find any other way. I'm going to try to keep this as concise as possible, because otherwise nobody will read it. (And I'd understand that.)
I'm 23, turning 24 this year, male, and a huge loser. A story as old as time. Due to the undesirable circumstances of my existence, I'm afraid I'm going to kill myself EVENTUALLY. Not soon. But I know it'll happen someday. I REALLY don't want to. What I WANT, is to be a happy, normal human being.
My parents raised me in a way that practically ensured I'd be alone and miserable without options for my entire life. I realize it's wrong to blame your parents for everything, but they're legitimately at fault. They sheltered me to a degree of; moving to the middle of nowhere on a farm. Homeschooling me. Not allowing me to go out by myself at all. Discouraging interacting with other children and people my entire life via telling me that everyone was 'child molesters' and that the kids could be 'working for child molesters' to 'lure me in'. They also put me on anti-depressants for years, waaaaay before I was old enough to be prescribed them, and the drugs (At least **I** believe) addled my brain and effectively made me act like I had aspergers.
I didn't meet a girl I had a crush on until I was 21. So fairly recently. She treated me horribly, as all girls do, because at the time I was still on medication and acting like a complete idiot. Which made me more depressed, as I had fallen into a suicidal depression since my mother attempted suicide when I was 15. (Thanks mom)
Because of the way I was raised, I grew up with literally no friends ever, OBVIOUSLY no girlfriend or anything near it, and pretty much only had my brother as a friend. Last year my brother killed himself, for apparently very similar issues as to what I'm going through and have been going through. He was nice enough, to include in his memoirs of misery, that he actually hated me! And thought I was a retard! Really cool guy, I know. So the only friend I had in my life, actually didn't like me, and is now dead. At least it made me realize my medication just plain was not working (He was on the antidepressants TOO, when he blew his brains out), so I quit them and at the very least became smarter? I guess? I can actually DO things now, like draw, play instruments, learn languages. THINK and not act literally retarded when I speak to other people.
I feel, as a human being, it is reasonable that I am pretty resentful toward my parents for raising both my and my siblings so plain horribly! But I could never TELL them this in any way shape or form, because they have such fragile egos that THEY would then kill themselves. Leaving me in a hellish situation where all of my vindication has to be kept in a lockbox for the rest of my life.
I am currently jobless, for over a year now, as I quit my last job when my brother killed himself and my boss kept pestering me as to when I was going to come back. It was a shit job, to be honest, so I don't really miss it. My parents are currently allowing me to live with them indefinitely (which is more than can be said for most parents) because they realize they have some part of the blame in my brother's death, and don't want me to kill myself too. I can't convince myself to find another job, or even try, because every job I've had has been a very bad experience, and the only jobs I qualify for are minimum wage manual labor or retail. (Part-time) so I don't see the point. What I've been doing instead, is attempting vigorous to become a better artist and animator in the sad and desperately optimistic hopes that I can someday become an animator or.. like.. draw cartoon boobies for money or something. Because that makes a LOT of money, surprisingly. But I have it in the back of my head that my aspirations of becoming a great animator are just a cover-up that I'm clinging to because I'll kill myself otherwise. Which I will. Again, I don't WANNA die, but it's heading that way. I tried to hang myself a month before my brother offed himself, and I would have killed myself if he hadn't, so ironically he saved my life in a way? Huh.
It's also fairly recently come to my attention that I might actually be good looking? Which is a weird thing to complain about, but it means a lot of bad things for me. It means that I could have actually had interactions with girls at some point in my life if I had gone to public school. It means that if I wasn't stuck on a damned farm, I'd probably be able to meet a girl or something. It means, that all those years I thought I was ugly and was unconfident because of it, I wasn't. My confidence was so low, that once when I was 16, two girls wolf whistled at me and shouted, "Hey sexy! Can I get your number!!" They were playing, but clearly thought I was attractive. I remember thinking to myself, "They must be making fun of me." They weren't. There's a lot of situations like this that occurred in my life. Times I can think of where girls clearly liked me, but I hated myself so much that I couldn't see it. And I feel utterly foolish, (and again, resentful of my parents) because of them.
I feel like there's no way I can fix things. I think about killing myself every day, but I know I actually just want to fix things. On the condition that I CAN'T fix things, however, I know I'll kill myself. I guess, more than anything, this is a whiny post to rant and get things off my chest because I've quite literally never had a chance to say these things to anybody.
tl;dr; My parents were way too overprotective and prevented me from being a normal person, and now I have no options because I'm too depressed and too old to fix things.
If you actually somehow read through all of this, I'm impressed. You must really like self pitying novels. Thank you though.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Ex boyfriend ghosted me a year ago, suddenly and abusively reaches out asking for $3000 for "lawyer fees"?! My ex ghosted me just over a year ago and I honestly thought he was gone forever. I've since found another (better) boyfriend and had long forgotten about this guy.
He suddenly reached out to me yesterday through Whatsapp. I didn't reply at all. He initially messaged me saying he missed me and made a mistake last year, and wanted to know how I was doing. I didn't reply at all.
Hours passed and he messaged me again saying the following - "Hey, I know this is sudden but I was wrongfully arrested and need to pay 23k in lawyer fees. I have 20k but I need 3k more, I've asked everyone I know and nobody can help me out... can you?"
This is where I had to put my foot down and reply. I said - "Look, I'm sorry that happened to you but there is no way I am giving you that amount of money, especially after what you did to me last year. To be honest, I barely have that amount in my bank account as I am only a student, and what I do have, I'm certainly not giving to you."
He then proceeded to verbally abuse me, calling me every name under the sun, saying I'm "ugly inside and out", a "selfish b-word" and that he hopes I get wrongfully arrested one day too.
Can anyone else believe his stupidity here? He GHOSTED me, as if he actually believes I would lend him $3000 a year later! I like to try and see the good in people but situations like this honestly make it hard.
Mainly looking to vent but has anyone ever gone through anything similar? Have I handled the situation well? Should I have not replied at all?
tl;dr ex boyfriend ghosted me, reaches out a year later asking for $3000. after i decline, he verbally abuses me.
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self.offmychest
|
I think parents whose kids beat them up or do whatever they want are pathetic Yes, **before anyone asks** yes, I have dealt with lots of kids, worked and lived with them. I love kids because they need JUST the right guidance to become good, dignified people and being a kid ND having fun doesn't mean being an asshole to everyone else.
>>
**What do you guys think? What is your experience and perception about spoiled kids and their parents?
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self.offmychest
|
Overworked, underappreciated, and now I can't focus on studying for a huge midterm because I keep getting flashbacks to previous suicide attempts [deleted]
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self.depression
|
It feels more like a "when" than an "if" [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Has anyone else had to give up a career because of depression? I worked as an advertising copywriter but have been off work for 5 weeks now. I'm thinking I'm gonna have to quit because I've completely lost the confidence to be creative. I might just get a supermarket job because my brain has turned to mush after so many breakdowns (about 6 now over 19 years). Has anyone else had to drop a career because of depression?
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self.depression
|
Can't Escape this HELL I'm 29 and wasted my life away alone no longer have any friends and never had a girlfriend because I can't get close to anyone somethings just broken in me. I am now completely isolated with no way out just suffering everyday alone. I can't escape this hell in between life and death I'm stuck in. I'm not living as 24/7 isolation alone everyday isn't living at all I'm just wasting away as I watch life pass me by its maddening and I can't seem to kill myself and I have tried many times now, but every time I go out to the middle of no where I get close but can't pull the trigger. I wish I could pull the trigger and be done with this worthless life of mine and escape this greedy miserable material/money obsessed world. Is there anyway out of this hell or am I just doomed to be trapped inside my body screaming in silence as the world passes me by?????
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self.depression
|
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