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I'll slowly dismember myself I have to take another day of uni [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I can't cope anymore I was assaulted nearly 2 months ago and I can't get it out of my head. I have dreams about it, I have flashbacks all the time I can't get through a day without reliving it in some way. I see him all the time, I'm scared to sleep in my own bed and I can't walk past his neighbourhood without being terrified. I keep thinking about him hurting my friends and I'm scared they will see him. I'm exhausted, I can't fucking live like this and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm losing my mind, it's so painful I just want to get out of this body.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Mixed Feelings Hi, all didn't really know who to talk to so I came here. I don't really know whats wrong with me. But for some reason, I feel empty on the inside. I don't want to be around people, I keep all my emotions on the inside and never tell anyone how I am really feeling, I don't see eye to eye with my parents so I cant ask them for help. I really despise public places and visiting a doctor. I feel helpless but at the same time very unmotivated at life. I have panic attacks on a regular basis and normally get scared of death. But I want no more suffering but I can't help my self. Sometimes I like being alone but at the same time, I don't. I also am very shy at times and I put on a face at college and act like a different person, I have friends during college time but when that's done I am practically a ghost and no one knows me. I never leave my room; I used to game a lot but now not so much but I am always on my pc looking at stuff.
Most of the stuff I have said I have conflictions with ( So I want to do the other thing such as tell someone about my feelings but I am restrained by my other half if that makes sense)
Its almost if I have a mix of anxiety, depression and a split personality disorder as I'm always conflicted about what I feel ( I never know what I'm supposed to be feeling)
I find it hard to sleep at night and I haven't really been diagnosed with anything as I don't want to visit the doctor.
I'm about to 19, living in the UK, Studying Animation and I have failed Maths and English GCSE Exams (Although when not in exam situations I do fine at both) I don't know if this makes a difference never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl or even any of the sort.
I would like to talk to someone but most of the guys in my class are immature and not being a stereotype it's hard to talk to guys about emotions at this age it's much easier to talk to the opposite sex about stuff like this maybe that's just me...
I'm always conflicted about everything (Anyone Else Feel Like This)
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self.depression
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Creativity is more fleeting than it used to be? I am/was a very creative person I went to an Arts high school and ya da ya da. I created art in cycles, I could be very prolific in painting, poetry, music... etc. It didn’t always have to be a manic episode.
Now, that I received this official diagnosis in early university and have been put through the ringer of meds it’s just not what it used to be. The lithium and the anti-psychotics really mellow me out and I notice that when the prescription for an anti-psychotic increases my creativity decreases.
That said, I’m no longer on anti-psychs but my creativity hasn’t returned... am I just getting older? or are the medications that make my mood more stable taking this part of my personality away from me?
TLDR; now that i’m on meds i’m less creative, is it me or is it the meds?
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self.bipolar
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I tried to kill myself last night. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for years now but it wasn't until about 6 months ago that the thought of suicide be gain creeping into my head.
I have tried so very hard to beat my mental illness. Medication, group therapy, 12 step meetings, extremely awkward conversations with strangers, friends and family. I thought I could force my way through it but the more I realized how little progress I was making the more hopeless I be gain to feel.
I feel like a burden to everyone. When I walk by a laughing crowd I just know they're laughing at me. There is more to it then this but i'll will skip to the end.
Last night I ate 16mgs of Xanax, 24 mgs of Suboxone and 100 mgs of Propranol (medication that lowers your blood pressure). I slept for over 30 hours and no one even really checked in on me. When I finally did rise I told them I was sick and put my best face on to join them for Christmas.
If there is any one out there who can relate please PM.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't want to date beta men, so therefore now there is no body left for me [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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How do you deal with “missing out” on normal fun experiences? I see two friends together in a coffee shop chatting and laughing or a group of people being very engaging in the conversations and I just think how the hell do I do that?
Why can’t I ever have a best friend that I grab coffees with or go shopping together? I want to do normal stuff but I literally don’t know how to talk to people!
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self.Anxiety
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Depressed because I'm a terrible person? Or terrible person because I'm depressed? I'm so critical of everything and negative all the time. Constantly irritated and angry. its like I do my best to make people hate me.
For awhile, my depression just took the form of isolation and boredom, but it has morphed into cynicism and bitterness.
im so mean to my family members. I avoid them and criticize them and feel irritated around them. I dont visit extended family, even though they invite me to things.
i feel awful about it. I don't know why I do it, but I really hate myself for it.
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self.depression
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29 M just not good enough. I'm off my antidepressant. It just makes me feel okay when things are not okay. I am running out of time. 29 years old and my time to have success or kids is dwindling. I think I don't get to be happy. It's for the rich or the beautiful. Women don't marry down in social or economic class.
I don't think I am overly narrow. I say yes to every date because they are so difficult to get and even if I dont like them. I don't think I can do any better. I try to taje better photos of myself but I hate seeing my face and my thinning hair. I see like 20-30 gorgeous women every day when I go downtown and they all make me sad because I know I'd never catch their eye.
I wish I felt like I was good enough to deserve good things or accept good things that happen to me. I just deserve death reall.y
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self.SuicideWatch
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How to explain to my school why anxiety is causing me to fail my class? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I never ever wake up on time even at 1 PM and it's literally killing me. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Intense outpatient treatment Hi, my psychiatrist recently encouraged me to look into intense outpatient treatment for severe depression/anxiety/anger/manic depression. I set up an evaluation but was wondering what other people’s experiences were like, since group therapy kind of sounds like a bunch of quackery to me.
I’ve been extremely lonely and angry, I scream and throw things and have terrible road rage. It’s zero to sixty in two seconds, there’s no time to control myself with the anger. Then sometimes it’s impossible to do anything and I’m very blank and can’t do the simplest of tasks. I used to be a very neat person and can’t be moved to even clean my apartment anymore. This has been going on for longer than I care to admit and have no idea what to do and feel like I’m at the end of my rope here.
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self.bipolar
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I have bad luck with pets I feel really bad in this moment. Las year I had a Samoyedo dog, I loved him, he was joyful and great, but had to give him to the police because he was too big to stay in my home. Two monts later, I changed to a bigger house. Then, I had a black cat, I really loved him. The veterinary that assisted him with an illness gave us the wrong medicine, she end up dying and today, my seven years old dog, got lost in my beach house, he escaped while me and my family and I were having a great night in a bar. We are doing everything to find her, we really love her, I just had to write something about it and here I am.
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self.depression
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How did you solve your social anxiety? Hey guys,
I have social anxiety. Looking back, during highschool I showed mild symptoms of it. When I started college, boy did it hit me... I can't socialise with new people at all. I always find myself thinking about what I should say so I won't look bad. When walking around campus I feel like everyone is judging me and critiquing me. I've only had one panic, but I constantly have a knot on my throat, hot flashes (from feeling embarrassed), and elevated heart rate when my anxiety spikes up. In the past year, It has progressively increased in magnitude. I wake up tired everyday, can't focus, and feel like total poop. Academic wise, i struggle studying because I wake up sleepy no matter what amount of hours of sleep I get. Social wise, I can literally count on one hand the amount of people I've met during my college experience. My main concern is that I'm a senior and I'll be graduating this December. I haven't applied to any jobs or internships because I'm to scared about interviews and not being chosen for the job. I'm tired of feeling like this and feel like I'm slowly becoming depressed. I feel like I wasted my college experience because of my anxiety.
My question for you guys is what worked or helped for you guys to get over your anxiety? I'd appreciate any advices and tips. Thank you guys in advance.
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self.Anxiety
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feeling depressed and down because of hate Lately I have seen so much hatred around me . a lot of hatred also on YouTube due a you tuber posting something that should have never been posted . constantly seeing people telling others to kill them self's while claiming their idols were just bringing "awareness" I dislike the fact people these days are so bitter and hateful and are wanting revenge . it makes me wonder why do I even live in this world. when all I have in my heart for others is love and compassion. call me weak I don't care . you may think it's stupid that I even care about people around me but I do . I spend time on reddit talking to people because I have such love for helping people and I don't want to see others fall. I have seen things that make me loose faith in humanity and other noble selfless acts that bring me to tears I have been through struggles and have seen a life fade away . I don't want to be the person who sits by and watch someone else fall just cause she is depressed
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self.depression
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Girlfriend has depression. Any help? I have been with my girlfriend for two years and she has depression. She has been okay throughout our time together, but the past two months she has been having an episode. I apologise if I come across as ignorant with this topic, it’s just that I have never been around people with depression and I was wondering if you guys could help. My girlfriend won’t talk to me about anything, and I understand that these things vary person-to-person, but I wanted to hear from people with depression (or people whose partner has depression) to get a bit of background information. What was the length of your longest episode? Is the process of feeling better gradual, or when the episode is coming to an end, do you just wake up and you feel okay? My girlfriend is on tablets at the moment, so are they not working? Do tablets completely stop you from feeling that way, or do they just reduce how often you feel that way? Again, I apologise for my lack of knowledge. I know that depression is a life long condition, and tablets aren’t just going to make it go away, but I just want to understand as much as I can for her, because she’s been quite distant and she’s not really talking me through it (which I understand) I just want to be there the best that I can.
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self.depression
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Help: Explaining to my family Hello! I was recently diagnosed (eh, sort of. The doctor agrees I'm bipolar but she doesn't like labels, and she's trying me on antidepressants first since my hypomania isn't terrible quite yet) and so... since I'm only 20 and on my parents' insurance, I had to tell them about what's going on. My mom just asked me how I'm feeling on my new medication and I explained to her that it's too soon to tell. However, that question sort of evolved into a conversation about what depressive episodes even feel like and I... got stuck trying to explain.
How would you explain depression and hypomania to someone who hasn't experienced either? I need to be able to explain this to my mom, and also to my younger brother, who is 16. If there's any resources I could link them, I'd very much appreciate that too.
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self.bipolar
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I can’t escape this nightmare Two years ago around this time, my mom started acting really weird. She would go out all the time without telling us where she was going and sometimes not return until very late at night. This was very out of character for her. She was a lot like June Cleaver - never drank, never swore, always liked to stay home and clean or be with the family. She was like my best friend. We would always play games on Facebook together, go shopping or go for walks in the park.
Well, to make a long story short, on Christmas we found out she was cheating with a guy half her age. (The same age as me actually). It was like a complete nightmare. I never thought in a million years my mom would do this to the family. I spent Christmas Day in my room crying while listening to my parents screaming at each other. It turns out my mom has been putting on an act the whole time. She wasn’t the person I thought she was. It makes it so hard to trust people now. If I can’t trust my own mother then who can I trust?
She moved in with her new boyfriend a couple days later and cut contact with us. She even blocked me on Facebook. I can’t even look at Farm Heroes Saga, Cafeland or FarmVille anymore without bursting into tears.
I believe I might have some sort of PTSD from all this. I’m constantly having nightmares and I’ve hurt myself multiple times. I’ve tried killing myself twice and ended up in the psych ward. I’m afraid to try anything again because I don’t want to end up back there, but I can’t go on living like this anymore. Every day I have to listen to my dad complain what a horrible person she is and how she ruined our lives.
I’m so sick of living with this pain every day. I have absolutely nobody to talk to. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up.
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self.depression
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People in middle school already had sex and did drugs - I'm already a goddamn high school senior I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF
i know they will go nowhere in life but I'm not getting anywhere either
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hi. I just need to talk. Every day I walk up a bridge next to my dorm that is incredibly long and incredibly high over pavement. It’s the only way to get to and from classes. Every day I have to force myself not to leap off it and end it all. I really don’t have much going for me, so it’s looking better and better every day. That, and this week is finals, and that’s not helping me any.
I’ve been in college for one full semester and I don’t have any friends. That’s not just a thing I saying, it’s not “I mean I have one not so close person I talk to sometimes.” I literally don’t talk to anybody outside of school activities and one club I’m part of. I’ve showed interest in spending more time with people, but to no avail. I have friends from back home and we all hang out together when we have breaks, but that’s vary rarely, and they’re all successfully making friends and engaging in romantic relationships. Not me. I don’t know how.
Besides that, I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m not getting good grades, and I have no motivation to change those things. Today I got out of bed at 5:00 pm and got back in bed at 9:00. I’ve eaten maybe 6 times this week total. I’m just a mess.
I can’t afford a therapist, and I can’t talk to anyone about this because my parents don’t believe in depression and my friends usually make it about themselves. Closest thing I can get to support is blabbing about it on the internet to strangers hoping for some kind of supporting comment or anything.
I guess that’s all I have to say. I guess thanks for being a subreddit.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Could I be bipolar? Help please. Hi. I'm looking for the opinion of others on if my symptoms look like Bipolar 2 or not (or what this stuff is).
I am 18 years old, and depressed. I don't know how severely, but I am depressed. I have lived in a home my entire life that has minimalized the solution to pain as being nothing more than an attitude shift. And it's taken its toll in that, whenever my moods change (they are more sudden than most), I believe that it was my fault and that nothing was wrong in the first place. Currently, I am experiencing longer states of sadness/discontent than I ever have, though if I were to draw an emotional throughline I can't really remember a period of time where I wasn't sad.
I am not happy with anything, not with myself, not with the people who surround me, not with my "abilities", not with the possibilities of the future. I don't see the purpose of this world whatsoever and I don't know why I inhabit it. Everything feels completely worthless to me.
I have never attempted suicide, though recently I have guilted myself into believing that I am even weak for not wanting to go through with the pain, as if there's something wrong with that. I have self harmed, though not seriously (if you can even say that), and I do think about ways I could go about killing myself. These thoughts, though less common, have occurred ever since childhood. I remember being 6 and experimenting with how long I could hold my breath, thinking about ending things.
However these feelings often suddenly drop off. I wonder why I even had them in the first place. I try to get "better", meaning I plan creative ideas that never happen because within the week I'm unmotivated again.
At 18, I don't really know how much of this is just adolescent mood swings, or if it's something more serious. My parents often comment on how my attitude is like night and day, one moment I am showing signs of affection and one moment I am extremely irritable.
I can think of a couple of instances in my life that had a mania-esque sheen. One of which I remember coming home from a group activity and then falling into a more melancholy, trapped state, where I didn't really know what was happening physically. I remember jumping on the trampoline, cracking jokes with my brother, laughing hysterically, and crying simultaneously. One other night I can remember coming off from a long drive home and delving into a state of sadness for no reason where I placed myself in an attic crawlspace and put a piece of paper
outside labelling myself as a hybrid animal...
I often scream internally, or want to scream. Ever since I can remember I have had a tick where I continually shake my leg while sitting still...I am fairly socially anxious, and have had the sensation where I've wanted to crawl out of my own skin before.
Am I just being dramatic??
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self.bipolar
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Super high Highs and very low lows Okay, it seems like every few months or weeks I’ll get this high where I’m happy as fuck and hyper and I wanna be involved in shit and I’m just in a good mood and I want everyone to feel as happy as me and I call old friends and all this shit. But then whenever I’m not on this high I’m so sad and bitter and lonely all the time. I don’t wanna talk to anyone or go on social media, or get out of my bed. And I just get so introverted and unmotivated to do anything. I also just constantly dwell on everything wrong with myself, and my life, and I often get suicidal thoughts, and so much self hatred. I’ve noticed a huge pattern and it’s getting more and more noticeable. I’m 14 female. I do take vyvanse for ADHD which it really affects my mood when I am not on it, but even when I’m on it now it doesn’t make me happy like it used to. I’m also taking anti depressants but they haven’t done fuck all. I’m wondering if any of these might be playing a part in it? I don’t know. I feel like I don’t have anyone. I don’t have much friends, and the friends I do have aren’t my ride or die by any means, they’re just “now friends” if you know what I mean. maybe my loneliness is doing this?? Maybe bipolar??? I have no idea. all I know is that this is becoming an issue and I’d really appreciate if someone could maybe tell about similar situations they may have had or maybe help me identify the core of the problem...
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self.bipolar
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An "interesting" title If you have read this sentence through, thanks. Is alcohol a catalyst of depression? I mean, of course it is, but noticeably? Formulated in a different way: Have any of you tried going sober and experienced a posotive change in your mentality as a result? This is not considering anyone being an alcoholic prior to the change, but a person who drinks regularly. Well, I suppose alcoholic intervention is just as valid in this discussion.
I drink to enhance my joy. It also enhances my grief. Moreso. I am confused. I am drunk. And I am certainly not special in writing this. Should I press "post"? No, that would be a cry for help and an action determined by a lack of self dicipline and a feeling of detached reality so far from the common and healthy person that my text may be perceived as hopeless, shrugged off and ignored. To be honest - completely honest - I don't blame you. Seriously. I blame myself.
Should I press "post"? Maybe I should just stop drinking. Maybe I should start with a hobby. Maybe I should think differently.
Maybe I should press "post".
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self.depression
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the special weekend I’ve been looking forward to is being cut short and I’m heartbroken It’s finals week and I am so tired. I have been working so hard, so so hard, to get straight As and I’ve pretty much nailed it. Unless I fuck up dramatically on my finals, I can expect a 4.0 this semester.
But it’s tiring. I’m working *so* hard. I’m waking up at 5am every day. And for the past few weeks, my boyfriend and I are mainly only spending time together when we’re asleep – I’ll leave for school while he’s still asleep, or I’ll be asleep when he comes home for a meeting. He works 9-5, I’m in class during the day and I work weeknights and weekends. It’s so rare that we get more than an hour or two together – the last time I saw him in the daylight was Black Friday.
So, next week is finals for me, and I took off of work next weekend so we could spend time together and celebrate the end of the semester. We were going to have uninterrupted time together from Friday evening until Monday morning and I was so excited. Looking forward to next weekend has been what’s getting me through every day.
My mother just texted me and told me that she needs me to do her a favor next Friday. Without going into detail, the favor is such that I really don’t want to but I can’t say no, and it requires me to stay in her house overnight. Now I’m spending that Friday night and Saturday morning away from my boyfriend.
I got this news while I was in my office and I’m so disappointed that I started crying at my desk. It’s ultimately not a big deal, but I was really looking forward to having an entire lazy weekend with my best friend and instead I’m getting half of a weekend. I’m overwhelmed and lonely and disappointed and I just want to see my sweet best friend :(
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self.offmychest
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I want to get better but I don't like the world. This is a horrible world. Human nature is selfish - we use and abuse each other as we see fit. We're nice when it benefits us and we do whatever we want behind closed doors. The rich exploit the poor who have to struggle every day, physically and emotionally, just to get by and if someone makes a mistake and loses their living the world doesn't care a damn.
Sure there are nice things in life, it can't be denied. I'd love to be rich, to sail around the world in my yacht, no cares no worries, maybe throw a party where I can drink and drug myself silly and just pay someone to clean it all up. But of course, such a life is only possible when we exploit the third world for cheap goods and labour. When we use people's lives for our own ends. And with that comes guilt - the guilt of becoming the rich psychopaths we once loathed. When we're poor we just want to be rich to live the lives we dream of - when we have the lives we dream of we can't help but feel guilty.
I want my depression to end. I dream of just being a normal guy, have a girlfriend, a nice house, fun hobbies, good friends and a job that pays well and suits me. Same as everyone right? Well to get that I'm going to have to fight for promotions against people who might need them more than me. If I rise high, fire people who aren't pulling their weight. Humans are animals who care only about themselves, and I'm no different. I know how I work and it's disgusting. If I went out and acted how my nature wants to, I'm as bad as anyone.
I just want to get what I want, but I'm disturbed by the rules of life that I'll have to play by.
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self.depression
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How can I stop missing the past? I lost contact with one of the only people I've ever cared about in 2015. Though we only knew each other through the internet, it was the deepest friendship I've ever had. Knowing that it's now yet another year in the past is tearing me apart... The worst part is knowing that we were separated by shitty circumstances and not by choice. What if she's out there thinking the same thing?
Does this feeling ever go away on its own?
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self.depression
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Do you sometimes feel that no one gets your anxiety disorder? Hey community :)
I have been battling with anxiety since I was a little child. Now I am around 30 and last year I decided to seek for professional help. I was diagnosed with ocd and chronic depression. I am doing therapy and also taking medication. I was taking meds for 6 months, then I stopped cause all doctors said I was getting better but after two months my symptoms came back worse, and now I am on meds again with the plan that I will take them for one extra year, while also doing therapy. Recently I have started doing a lot of personal work regarding my ocd using Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP).
I have good days that I feel so powerful to fight my anxieties, fears and phobias, and I have really bad days (like today) that I can't find the power to help myself. My main panic attacks occur when I am stressed from work. Last year, before I started therapy, I was super stressed with my work that I woke up one day and I couldn't work anymore. For me, working and studying was my safe haven when things were falling apart. Since I couldn't work anymore, I felt I had nothing. I was feeling useless and stupid. I decided to ask for professional help.
My therapist made me realize that the health related ocd I have is triggered by work issues. I have the tendency to feel that something is wrong with me, and my ocd exaggerates every sensation I am feeling, making me think I have something very serious. I have performed examinations with couple of different doctors multiple times, regarding my imaginary health
issues and all of the exams have come back negative. All doctors re-assure me that I am healthy and that if something occurs in the future, I am taking pretty good care of myself so we can detect it early.
Today, I am feeling like shit. I have too much work to do and I am completely stressed out. I gave in to my compulsion of checking my body and I damaged perfectly normal skin. And I start panicking even more. I tried to talk to my friends about the fact that I don't want to work. I don't like what I am doing right now. Someone can say that I can quit but it's not so easy. I remember how bad I was one year ago, and my body and mind resist the urge to work hard cause my head is trying to protect me of getting so low again. My friends tell me that it's all in my head. Well, I know! The problem is that I can't stop thinking about them. They also tell me that these are excused for not working. It's not so fucking simple to get my head around my work right now. I keep on having very bad memories of what happened and I am trying to resist. They tell me that since I know what is right and what is wrong, I shouldn't give in to my compulsions when I have a panic attack. Guys, I am trying so fucking hard not to give in. In one month, I have minimized the compulsions to 30% and most of the times when I think there is something wrong I try and achieve to convince myself I am fine and move on. But there are days like this one, THAT MY OCD KICKS ME REALLY HARD AND I CAN'T MANAGE ANYTHING. My head is going to explode. Too many thoughts and too many things I have to do and I don't want to. And I feel useless cause I can't do anything the whole day. I just observe the workload to keep on coming at me and I can't stand it. I either have obsessive thoughts or I either try not to give into my compulsions. It is draining my energy.
I really need some support right now ..
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self.Anxiety
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My will to live relies on other people I'm stressed out all the time. I either care about hardly a thing or care about everything too much. I'm sick of being me and sick of being treated like I am by other people in my family. Somehow I feel it's my fault yet their fault. Nothing ever feels clear to me anymore. Everything is a mess. I know the saying that if you will kill yourself, you may as well do anything else, yet I just don't, can't, won't.
I don't drink or do drugs or smoke. I don't do much of anything. I just kind of exist to complain and also sometime's actually try, but fail. It's feels so dramatic yet it's so commonplace and I feel ungrateful all the time, and angry at myself and circumstances. I don't like how I've gone from wondering about suicide to stopping myself from falling in front of the train. I hate the thought of going out selfishly as well, but it's harder to resist lately.
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self.SuicideWatch
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This “holiday” was a waste of fucking time. I ended up not working the holiday and I really wish I had been. I wake up around noon, my mom is freaking the fuck out about where I am and I tell her I’m on my bed sleeping. Fast forward a few hours. I texted to say that I’d be awake in an hour. In that hour, she stumbled to our neighbors with NO SHOES ON because she thinks I’m there? Her memory problems are getting so bad I can’t fucking cope. I was talking to my neighbor and he said he finally sees what I’m going through and that she was acting like his grandma who had alzheimer’s. Her doctors aren’t proactive enough and then I get to suffer. She’s bipolar on top of it all and takes everything out on me constantly. I can hardly remember my life. I feel like I have ptsd. I really want all this shit to stop because I’ve been recovering from self harm for years and now I feel like all my hard work is gonna go to waste because all she makes me want to do is hurt myself.
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self.depression
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I don't feel like I have value to those who claim I have value... They don't even know what it is about me they value, so clearly I'm not irreplaceable.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have to take next semester off of college because of my epilepsy, and my life is spinning out control [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm scared Hey all,
Firstly, this post is going to end up half-rant, I'm pretty sure. Apologies for that.
Secondly, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this or not. If it's not, I'm sorry.
So... I'm scared.
I'm about to graduate from college with a BA in English. I want to be a teacher, preferably for a high school. From everything I hear, the area I'm in (South Florida) has plenty of openings and I should not have a hard time finding a job. I have a couple friends who are teachers who all have told me it won't be a problem, and they'll help me.
But, still... I'm terrified. Straight up. I've worked myself in to a mind-bending frenzy, petrifying myself with anxiety in to the next best thing to complete psycho-social paralysis.
I've never been a guy to have a lot of friends, just 2-3 close ones. I haven't spoken to any of them in over a month - and I want to, but every time I reach for my phone, I just... stop. I don't know.
Part of it is my resume, which is completely empty other than a handful of online certificates and what will soon be a BA. Part of it is I have no job or work experience at all. I'm twenty-seven, my birthday was yesterday, and I've really never worked a real job in my life.
Yes, I know I'm 27 and that I have time to figure things out. Yes, I have a nice house and a family that loves me - brothers and parents that are all willing to help and support me. I'm certainly in no danger of starving out on the street. Yes, my fears are probably inconsequential, but none of that seems to *matter*. I could be so much worse off, and then I start thinking about the people who actually are and start telling myself that I shouldn't stress out and then that makes me feel worse and I'm actually tearing up as I write this.
I don't know. I've spent the last month and a half of my life going through the motions, going to class, exchanging pleasantries (but no more) with everyone in my life. I constantly feel like I'm either about to throw up or start crying. I haven't had a real conversation with someone where I open up to them and tell them how I feel in... what feels like a really long time. Which is why I'm typing this here, and if this isn't the right place for that, I'm sorry.
I don't know if I'm looking for help, advice, just to vent, or what. I'm not *used* to feeling like this. Other than one severely emotional crisis when a girlfriend left me, I can honestly say that I've cruised through life without panic or worry and now I'm losing my head.
I'm sorry to the people who have had hard lives and may or may not be reading this and feel like I'm just a big baby. You're probably right.
I don't know. I'm used to knowing things - I'm smart. Or at least, everyone tells me I am. I sure as shining shit don't feel smart. I feel small, weak, inconsequential, and barely in control of myself or my life. I don't know what the future holds and I'm *FREAKING OUT* about damn near everything right now. I had a panic attack yesterday for the first time this decade and now I'm holding my breath and waiting for the next one - which I know is coming. I feel it. The same way you can feel a storm coming when you stare at it, the same sense of tension in the air.
I don't know, and I'm weeks away from graduating and getting a piece of paper that I objectively know what to do with, but emotionally feel like I'm struggling to keep my head above water.
Thank you for reading this. I *know* that I'll be alright in the end, but that fact currently seems small and unimportant. A detail. A footnote. I just don't know what I'm doing. It's hard for me to keep my thoughts coherent right now. I suspect that this has been coming for a long time and that I've pushed it off and away and let it build in some dark closet of my mind until it started bursting at the seams and that's what I'm feeling now.
Again, I don't know if I'm here for help or just to vent. I do feel slightly better, for the moment, having typed all this. Thank you for reading.
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self.Anxiety
|
The message she left me of a package of tissue I was supposed to have my therapy session yesterday, but had to reschedule it due to some conflicting plans with work that came up. I stayed over my SO's house and in the morning, she gave me a package of tissue because she thought I had my session still because of how emotional I can get during those sessions.
On the package, she wrote "You are amazing. I<3u." I just noticed it this morning.
We're not at the point of saying "I love you" to each other just yet. I know it's not the same as hearing it come out of her mouth, bit seeing that from her just made my entire day and my entire weekend.
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self.offmychest
|
Has depression affected your job performance? Have you ever been fired because of it? I’ve mentioned it a couple times on here lately, but my depression has been ruining most parts of my life, including job performance. I’ve got a meeting in the morning with my bosses about my poor performance and I think I’ll be fired.
Does anyone have any similar experiences? How did you handle it? How would you begin to explain to your boss the toll depression takes on you and your performance. My meeting is at 8am tomorrow morning and I’m desperate to talk to people with similar experiences. Thank you so much.
**Update:** Thank you everyone for your support, kind words, and sharing your own experiences. I had the meeting today. I have to admit I broke down a bit, had trouble getting sentences out, but I tried my best to explain how depression was affecting me and my job performance. They were very kind and understanding, but still said I need to either resign or they will have to start the termination process.
Long story short: It’s over, I failed again.
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self.depression
|
Homesick and unsure. I posted this in another sub but I need to say it again.
I was diagnosed with BPD a few months ago. I’ve been dating a wonderful person since June/July. He treats me really good, spoils me, loves me unconditionally and his parents really like me. We started living together recently after both of us wanting it so bad. The first few weeks were okay as it was more of a sleepover every single night and then eventually moving in. In the last week I’ve been incredibly homesick. It first began with intrusive thoughts about something bad happening to loved ones (death) and then it’s just sort of turned into an empty pit of sadness. I miss my mom. I miss my room. I just miss everything about home.
I’ve been feeling really smothered lately. Living with someone is really hard. Like harder than I had expected or thought to be.
I’m questioning whether or not I still have feelings for this person and whether or not I even love them anymore. I’m not sure if this is all apart of the idealization/devaluing (splitting) part of BPD combined with the anxiety of change (moving out) and the homesickness.
Either way, this is exhausting. I missed a day of medication the other day and I feel like crying for hours on end. I’ve been smoking again and it’s really been helpful but I know I can’t go down that road again.
I hate myself and everything else.
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self.offmychest
|
I don’t know if this is considered depression or what. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
What is going to become of me? I'm 22 and a girl. I have been told these are the best years of my life, it only gets worse as i get older. If that's true, i don't want to imagine how the rest of my life will be.
I'm a mess. The more i get to know myself the less i like me, the more i realise i'm nothing like i would want to be.
I'm a hopeless romantic. I want romance, i want flirting, i want sex, i want a relationship, a soulmate, someone to be there for me, someone to love me. I have none of it. What i want is not important for the sake of this post. It is a boyfriend but it could as well be knowledge, money, friends, peace, the world to be a better place etc. The important part is that no matter how hard i try, i'm not getting what i want. I'm not who i wanted to be. My experiences are not those i would want to have.
It's taking a toll on me. I feel like something is slowly dying inside of me. It is hope that my dreams will come true. The less hope i have, the more sad i become. I compare myself and my life to other peoples' lives and i am begging god to give me a sign that things will get better. I become bitter, and quiet when it comes to social situations. I get lost in my head. People may see me being there, but i'm not really. I'm lost.
Last night i attended a family gathering. At some point my cousin told me ' What's up with you? You're not talking, you're not laughing..what did they do to you?' . It is not the first time i hear that. I been called 'too quiet' so many times before. I was once sitting in a bar alone waiting for my then boyfriend to come. There's was a guy behind the bar who was the barman's friend and i later learned he is a comedian and actor, who saw me sitting there and called me 'they girl who doesn't have a soul' jokingly because i was not talking or interacting with the environment whatsoever. He was joking but that's exactly how i feel. Like a soulless person. Like someone who lost the ability to feel anything, someone who is numb.
I'm only 22 and i feel this way, and people can tell. What will happen to me as i get older? How will those feelings evolve as i reach my late twenties and my thirties? Will i become a bitter and sad old maid? Will i wake up one day being 40 and realising that i missed out on all the fun in my twenties? Will i even make it to my 40ies?
I feel like a burden on this world. Life should belong to those who love it, enjoy and appreciate it. To those who use it to make something good for the world. All i do is litter it with my negativity. All i do is nothing at all. Why am i even here? What is the purpose of my being? What am i offering and to whom?
My mind won't shut up. It won't leave me alone. It won't stop reminding of my past, stressing me over my future, distracting me from the present. But i'm tired trying to make it stop. I'm tired igoring it's voice.
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self.offmychest
|
Sarah Lynn is my spirit animal when I'm manic If any of you have seen the tv show Bojack Horseman, then you know what's up.
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self.bipolar
|
I was just laid off I've been working for Barnes & Noble for 10+ years and this morning I was laid off. I ~~am~~ was a receiving manager and ~~have been~~ was in that position for 4.5 years. I'm in shock right now, my hands have been shaking since they told me a few hours ago. I've no idea what is going to happen to my moods over the next few days, I'm just blank. I don't have a resume or anything, I've been in that job for 10.5 years.
I feel lost. So much of who I am is books. I work at a bookstore, books are the best thing to sell, everyone who buys a book is smarter. Even if it's a trashy romance novel or text book it doesn't matter, the act of reading makes you smarter, reading is exercise for the mind. What I do... I can't describe what it has meant to me. I feel lost.
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self.bipolar
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Ever feel like you're getting closer and closer to an emotional meltdown? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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My job doesn't coincide well with my mental health I have bipolar II and I work as a 911 dispatcher. Most people that don't work any kind of emergency service position think "oh, that's an easy job...you just answer the phone." No. I didn't think it would be as bad as it was when I first started almost two years ago. My mental health was bad, but it has taken a steady decline since I started this job. The pay isn't the worst but it isn't the best, the benefits are good, but why have great benefits when you work 99% of the time? "Just quit, find something else." Oh, yes, it's really that simple. What other job in this military town am I going to find that pays with benefits? "Well quit complaining. Your life is great, you have it made!"
I get screamed at, cussed out, hung up on, and expected to take it, over and over and over. All for 29k a year. I hear people die, I talk people out of suicide, I give CPR over the phone....I want out. This is not what I signed up for. If that makes me a quitter, then so be it. I need to start taking care of myself for a change.
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self.bipolar
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Anxiety that worsened over time? Anyone else or just me? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
What's your favorite quote? I collect quotes I really like and want to see others' favorites as well. I searched for a thread but couldn't find much of one, so I made one.
&nbsp;
Here's my favorite quote, it's short but very meaningful for me and guides a lot of my decision making. To me it means many things, most importantly it reminds me that if I am looking for a happy ending, then my decisions must be conducive to that ending. It also reminds me that I am only in charge of my own decisions, and that I cannot be responsible for the decisions of others, but I am responsible for how I view and react to them.... Ultimately, it reminds me that though my brain plays tricks on me, I am in control of every action that I take and am responsible regardless of my circumstances.
&nbsp;
> "We can only control the end by making a choice at each step."
> - Philip K. Dick, Man in the High Castle
&nbsp;
edit: this post might be a little hypomanic^I'm^sorry
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self.bipolar
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someone talk me out of it Background: 35F kids(18,16,4) married 17 years
I've been working on this whole self love thing after battling with depression and anxiety for forever. It seems to be working but it also makes me feel like I've been taken for granted by the family, especially my husband. He travels for work alot and when he comes home he doesn't seem to want to spend alot of time with me. Don't get me wrong he provides well for the family and is a decent guy but right now there is no spark.
Now I haven't exactly been 100% faithful in our marriage but I have been for the last 5 years but I'm getting that itch again. I am really tempted to post a craigslist ad looking for fwb type situation or at least a gym buddy. My husband absolutely refuses to go to the gym with me even though it has really helped me fell generally better about everything. I think I'm going to do it unless someone here can talk some sense into me.
tl;dr look for an opportunity to cheat or not
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self.offmychest
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It's A Constant Cycle... The feel when you fear loneliness but find it hard to become emotionally available out of fear of being vulnerable and betrayed.
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self.depression
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Can I just die please ? Nothing more to add. Just end my misery or give me a courage boost to end it.
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self.depression
|
I could use some support, my doctor wants to start me on Zoloft in addition to Lamictal and I’m nervous... I’ve only ever taken Lamictal and it was working well for a long time but recently I went through a really bad depression and she wants to add an anti depressant. I’m not against adding a new drug into the mix, but I’m feeling some anxiety about trying something new, but I also don’t want to fantasize about hanging myself 24/7 anymore so I’m willing to try it.
Any experiences with this combo? Or just generally any experiences with trying new meds?
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self.bipolar
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“Never tell me the odds.” : Am I Stubborn or Stupid for Truly Believing Mental Illness Can’t Ruin Our Relationship? I didn’t want to be in love, in fact I didn’t even want to date. Having recently come out of a relationship that ended in the total blindsided abandonment that has been cutely deemed “ghosting” by my generation, the last thing I wanted to do was feel vulnerable in front of another man ever again. But then my friends forced me to get Bumble, get tipsy enough to swipe though roughly fifteen guys our beer goggles deemed hot enough, and I reluctantly set up one date I had every intention of cancelling.
Except I forgot, until two hours beforehand. And while I do have a somewhat notorious reputation in my friend group for being a bit of a heartless bitch (it comes with the territory when you’re a cute 26 year-old female lawyer in the old boys club, who was largely raised by a progressive and brilliant single dad), I knew cancelling THAT late was rude as hell. So I made the most minimal effort possible, and walked into a date I mentally deemed a failure even before I got out of my car.
The guy was fine, and for purposes of this post we can call him Jared. He was sweet, and cute, and talked about his career and hobbies in a way that made me want to find anything in life I loved that much. However, coming out of a relationship of intense passion and constant drunken escapades of a grand scale, everything felt a little flat and I left feeling fairly indifferent about a possible date number two.
What I did feel was a new confidence to date all of Los Angeles. Over the next few months I continued to go on a stream of first dates with every form of bad boy in the metro area, all of which resulted in vague promises to see each other again that never amounted to anything. The one thing that remained was Jared. He was never there an obtrusive amount, but he also failed to ever let more than a few days pass without interjecting himself into my life in some little way. He remembered everything I told him about myself, and he always had a way of making me feel like the most important person in the room every time he looked at me. But I dismissed his intentions to a degree. At the time I justified my reluctance to open up to Jared as a knee-jerk reaction to his constant eagerness to understand me, but in retrospective I was probably just terrified. I guess I don’t believe in the notion of falling in love, I see it as a constant choice to accept my partner for everything he is. But where Jared was so steadfast in knowing he wanted me and only me, I felt a distinct fear in the same knowledge; and for as much as he should have many times over, Jared never gave up on me.
Then everything changed. I can’t put into words how and why, because honestly the thought of typing out our story is still too much for me to even consider. I can say that I remember the exact minute I knew I loved him, and that I know with absolute certainty I will never forget that moment. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but it was built on selflessness and a kind of careful understanding that I’ve never experienced in my entire life. It was painfully real, in a way that still causes me an immense amount of fear knowing I might never see that kind of love again. I allowed Jared to see vulnerabilities I didn’t even know existed, and I never felt more secure in anything than knowing that he would be a constant fixture in my future. I believed him every time he wrapped his arms around me and told me he’d never leave, and I felt so much security in knowing someone appreciated the full value of my flaws and still wasn’t scared.
Then everything changed again, far sooner than was fair to either of us. I can still mentally replay everything about the day Jared left me. A week earlier he cried to me over the phone, explaining that he had a chronic anxiety disorder that cohabited with depressive episodes- one of which had just presented itself in full-force. He pleaded with me to forgive him for not telling me sooner, which just seemed to me to be misplaced concern when all I could spend my energy on was helping provide him the support I knew he would have shown me had the roles been reversed. But despite my best efforts to reassure him that my feelings were unconditional and my fear about our future together non-existent, I wasn’t enough. The man who worshiped me from the day we met ended the relationship we had built on mutual respect over a text message. A text message sent a mere six hours after I went alone to a medical procedure where he had promised to come to provide emotional and physical support. A text message sent three days before we were scheduled to go on our first vacation together. A text message sent nine days before I turned 27.
Jared explained that he and his therapist agreed that time alone to sort through his own emotional blocks, ones I didn’t even know existed, was necessary. But the last time I checked, he was in a relationship with me- not a doctor who had entered his life a week prior. When I tried to talk to him about the break, all he could tell me was he didn’t know what he wanted. Nothing about our conversation made sense, he went back and forth between telling me he had been considering leaving me for some time and also saying the decision came about so abruptly that he didn’t have time to warn me. I used every tactic I could think of to convince him that his constrain suggestions that I deserved better than him were wrong, and that no decision of this magnitude should be made during a time of such great pain. But most of what I said went ignored, and the rest was met with little acknowledgement and no detectable traces of empathy. He completely denied me any opportunity to have a meaningful dialogue about our relationship, and left me feeling a form of abandonment I didn’t even know existed- one that demonstrated to me that from his current perspective no aspect of our relationship was even worth trying to save. But the worst part was, I didn’t even have a target to direct all my feelings of abandonment, resentment, and anger towards. Because this isn’t him. I’m not dealing with my equal partner, but I’m still dealing with very real and painful consequences of the actions his brain has convinced him are logical and protective. What scares me even more is knowing that I will always, on some level, hope the man I loved comes back to himself and eventually back to me.
I’m an exceedingly bright person and I fully acknowledge so many standby responses to this situation. I understand that he doesn’t want to be so desperate and confused about his mindset. I get that I should consider myself lucky that a shared house, marriage, or family wasn’t impacted. I know that even if he survives this tragic episode of his life, revisiting a relationship might be too much for him or that even despite hard work by both of us it just won’t look the same moving forward. I acknowledge that this will be a part of his person forever, but also wholly discern that dealing with this reality is much less fearful than a life without him.
I’ve reached out to him a couple times over the course of the past few months that we’ve been apart, always clearly stating that a response isn’t necessary unless he ever decides it to be in his best emotional and mental interest. In doing so I know I’m somewhat robbing myself of the opportunity to fully move on, but the thought of him working through this completely alone is far too much for me to live with. We have varying levels of darkness in our lives, but being strong for him is easy because he has already been the epitome of comfort for me in some of my hardest days.
I am not completely certain why I’m throwing this narrative into the vast void of the Internet, seeing as I’ve yet to find comfort in thousands of other words from every source imaginable. Maybe I just need to know that I’m not alone, or hear that someone else can hear the hurt in my words and understand it would take an especially different kind of person to create those kinds of emotional wounds. But what I think more than anything is that I need reassurance that having hope in love and the strength of our bond is not foolish, no matter how much it can feel that way sometimes.
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self.depression
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I envy people who have passion and drive and motivation I used to have them long, long ago, but I'm now just a shell of a former self. Nothing excites me. Nothing makes me feel the want to fight for. I tried. I failed.
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self.depression
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I recently removed a long time friend from my life, my best friend, and now I feel empty [deleted]
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self.depression
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Lonliness I've never been the type of girl who needed a partner (male or female) but lately I find myself getting lonelier and lonelier. I'm 32 now and I have zero prospects. The last person I was with was a pathological liar, emotional abuser, and a cheater.
I know that I have my own problems. I have a lot of ups and downs (lolol) but overall I'm a smart, loving, and dedicated person. I hate dating websites because I feel like they're all aimed at mindless hookups (Which are fun, but not what I want at this stage of my life)
I dunno. I don't want to hide my diagnosis because that's hiding a part of who I am and I'm not the kind of person who holds back. I'm very much everything up front and this is who I am - take it or leave it.
But I also hate the stigma that comes with this disorder. Yes, I have mood swings. Sometimes I'm paranoid, irrational, and delusional. Sometimes I'm an asshole for no reason - or for delusional reasons. Sometimes I'm hard to be around when I'm depressed, but overall I am not my condition. I'm just a human being who has a deeper emotional basket than some of the others.
I just want someone who likes me for the geeky, meme loving, gaming, punny, artistic, sarcastic asshole that I am.
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self.bipolar
|
Keep getting bullied over my nationality. Been going on for a while. Feel like it’s weighing my down. Any help/advice please? So i’m Pakistani, born and raised in America, and in school i’ve experienced some teasing for being Pakistani. However, this one guy in particular keeps saying nasty things and making fun of me being Pakistani and Pakistan in front of me.
The guy doing this is Greek and is insanely prideful about Greece and being Greek. He says things like “Pakistan is a hellhole” and says it’s a terrorist country. He also says that barely anyone would travel to Pakistan and everyone travels to Greece and how it’s one of the biggest tourist spots. He also said some things like Greek girls are seen as hot by everyone and Pakistanis are stereotyped as ugly and how Americans hate Pakistan and like Greece. He even pulled up a video of Greeks attacking Pakistani/Muslim migrants in Greece and said “this is how we treat you.”
I’ve fired back at him sometimes but honestly the things he’s said have made me very angry and upset. Unfortunately it’s also hurt my self-confidence and made me not like my nationality a bit. How can I fire back at him? What should I do/say? Is there any way to not have this make me feel like my nationality is inferior? (What makes these feelings worse is that his nationality is celebrated where I live; people and even teachers ask those with Greek names if they’re Greek out of interest/admiration... definitely can’t say the same for my nationality).
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self.offmychest
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People are trying to help, but there’s a barrier... [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Never thought I'd post here There's this girl who was interested in me and I fucked up big time with her; now she's with someone else. Somehow it fucked me up more than anything else has ever fucked me up before. I'm obsessed with it, it's been on my mind for the last 6 months or so, I keep thinking about it, and I hate thinking about it. I thought I was a perfectly balanced individual, but I'm not feeling healthy at all right now. Yesterday I saw her unexpectedly with her bf, it felt like a knife stab in the stomach. Every joy I have is dulled out by that single fact. I'll never be with her. I've had my fair share of relationships, and I always thought that guys crying over girls were weak, but here I am. What kills me is that the way I acted probably hurt her just as much. I know exactly what I did wrong, but as much as I try to rationalize it, the pain won't go away. Today I looked up ways to commit suicide and I can't help but think, what the hell is wrong with me? I've been seeing other girls, but I don't give a shit. How can I be obsessed over this single stupid thing. I realized I can't talk to anyone about it, just hoping this will help me get it off my chest.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don’t have any friends or reasons to live and my depression has gotten so bad my boyfriend keeps telling me “I can’t help you” [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Abilify and Gabapentin New med regiment after being unmedicated (and unhinged) for 2+ years. Up to 10mg on abilify and 300 twice a day of Gabapentin. Anyone have experience with these meds? I've gained a little weight and my labido has noticably dropped. At what dose do I start to actually feel positive effects? I'm not suicidal anymore which is great but I'm still morbidly depressed most of the time.
Also I'm 99% certain I'm ADD and that's the cause of half my woes. I've talked to my psychologist about it but not my psychiatrist. It went unnoticed my whole life because I usually come across timid. What's it like being type 1 bi polar and taking ADD medication?
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self.bipolar
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Contemplating attempting again I was doing okay for a little while, but every time I make any progress at all, it all comes crashing down and I reach a new low. I don't think I can do this anymore. It's too much. Being fed false hope until I inevitably fall into a hole of depression again, each time deeper than the last - it's a cycle I can't seem to break, or maybe deep down I just don't want to try. And that's my problem. I don't want to try. Not even for things I want to do.
I'm a lazy person. That's just how I am. It's how I've always been, years before I had depression. I don't have the drive to even attempt success, and I'm never going to improve. If I continue living I'm going to just continue as a worthless leech to society and to my own parents. That's not a life I want to live, yet I don't seem able to crawl my way out of the hole. I should never have existed in the first place. I'm too useless and too lazy to live. I should never have been born and killing myself will only be foxong that mistake.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’m petrified of haircuts and feel like I’m going to break down whenever I go to get it done [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Looks like I’ve finally found a place to get some advice and help [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety over North Korea Rising Back, And In The Worst Possible Time [removed]
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self.Anxiety
|
I think that I've FINALLY found a med combo that works Let me start with the disclaimer that everybody is different when it comes to medication - what works for me may not work for you, and I am not a doctor.
After about a year of trying endless medications and combinations, 3 months of intractable depression, 2 inpatient stays at a psychiatric hospital, and a fair bit of advocating for myself with medical professionals, I think I'm emerging from the fog of depression without feeling the telltale signs of hypomania.
My diagnoses are bipolar II and social anxiety disorder. In the past year I've tried Lexapro, Wellbutrin, propranolol, Abilify, Seroquel, clonazepam, Latuda, lithium, gabapentin, Lyrica, lorazepam, lamotrigine, and Pristiq. If my counting is correct, that's 13.
Lexapro and Wellbutrin worked well but made me hypomanic. Propranolol worked well but only for performance anxiety. The benzos made me too sedated to function. Gapapentin and Lyrica gave me brain fog and sedation. And every antipsychotic I tried (doctors really pushed them after the bipolar diagnosis and were reluctant to prescribe any SSRI) was TERRIBLE. Death-like sedation or unending restlessness and panic. I hated them but they kept being pushed.
Finally, after 3 weeks on my new combo, I'm starting to feel like it's working. I'm now on lithium, lamotrigine, and Pristiq. Lithium, for me, puts a full-stop brake on mania. Lamotrigine helps lift me out of suicidal depression with no side effects. Pristiq does the rest of the work as far as depression goes and so far (fingers crossed) has not pushed me toward mania. Propranolol and lorazepam are still PRN but I take them very rarely.
All this is to say that, even if it feels like you've tried everything, there are endless med combos out there and it is likely that something out there will work for you. Hang in there and keep trying. It's taken me a long time to get to this point and it still feels tentative, but I haven't felt this okay in a long time and for now that's good enough for me.
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self.bipolar
|
Girlfriend with depression and I have no idea what to do Hey. Thanks in advance if you read this.
Our relationship is very new. We were friends before, so I feel that it makes it stronger in ways. I started the school year off in college awesome with my gf. We did couple things, ya know, like hanging out, making out and beyond, watching movies, making me do her makeup, just things that were perfect.
A week ago she started her spell of depression (I didnt know she suffered from it). I still love her to death. I don't know many people that suffer from it, but after researching, I found the common side affects like withdrawl from people, sleepy, etc.
I'm just scared that she's not into me anymore. I'm definitely overthinking and it's probably just a side affect (distancing) but I just need explanation/reassurance.
--Before this, we always showed love via snapchat/txt or whatever, but now I do but she doesnt respond with it. Either ignores or changes subject in the case that she actually responds.
She doesnt really try to initiate the idea of hanging out with me now, but still goes to hang out with her guy friends at night sometimes, whenever she doesnt take her naps.
I just don't know what to do/think. She has trust issues and has bad relationships in the past and doesnt want to be hurt
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self.depression
|
Appreciation for patience and understanding in the bedroom. As a guy, I've only had a few sexual partners in my life. The first one took it super personally that I couldn't get hard enough. It was so unbelievably anxiety provoking... she blamed me for making her feel ugly, and we broke up soon after. Another one was slightly more understanding, but still took it quite personally. She actually ripped of the condom during sex before even telling me she had an IUD. It worked...I got off but I didn't feel I could trust her anymore.
I have had great experiences with other women, and a new partner last night. I was super worried about my first experience with her. I didn't even get hard enough at first. However, she was so attentive and caring, that we eventually got it to work with the right positioning. That made her so happy. I just want to say my thanks and appreciation for women who are so patient and understanding. I did tell her already, but felt like it wasn't enough.
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self.offmychest
|
Dealing with Whatsapp Groups Why can’t I have just one group with my family, one group with my friends and one group with my work colleagues???
I have many variations, for example: friends’ without two girls, family group without my aunts and so on... I have like four groups of family, work and friends...
I’m constantly worrying about sending the wrong message to the wrong group; also I don’t know which group should I use to talk about important stuff... or share memes... I don’t like when people feel excluded.
And finally, I have groups I haven’t used in one year... and I don’t want to leave them cause I don’t want to offend the members.
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self.Anxiety
|
First time I've even admitted this honestly Do you ever feel like you have these really large ankle weights pulling you down and with every step you take they only seem to get heavier and start pulling you down? I feel like that every single day, and I have done on and off since about 2011. Occasionally there will be bursts of happiness in my life and something to make me smile, but overall I feel tired, exhausted, so DONE with shit everyday. It's a struggle to move from one day to the next, and I'm tired of holding back tears in the shower every morning giving myself a pep talk it'll all be fine.
On the surface I'm just a normal 30-something year old. I'm friendly, approachable, easy-going (for the most part) -- and one of the qualities I prided myself on in my resume was that I'm able to adapt to quickly changing situations and think on my feet. I am miserable because that part of me seems to be slipping away with every passing day. I teach senior school students in a country and culture that values academic qualifications above and beyond being a decent human being; While I chose teaching as a career because I wanted to be around "kids" and "life", and knew I'd die of boredom and loneliness alone behind a desk, those are the very two reasons I hate my job everyday now. I'm forced to smile and greet kids, be happy/angry/mad at them when appropriate, care about their stupid small lives, actually CARE that their 1 or 2 marks here and there on assignments makes a difference to ANYONE including themselves. I just want to be left alone now. I find it very hard now to put the 'care' into my voice and be the kind of diligent teacher I'm supposed to be, the one I started out being when I began my career 4 years ago, the one I always dreamed I'd be. I'm so tempted to knock it into their heads that "NONE OF THIS MATTERS AND YOU'RE ALL LITTLE SHITS. NOW LET ME GO HOME AND LIE IN BED ALL DAY!!!"
I've struggled with feelings that may or may not have been mild depression for years, since an illness in 2012 at the very least. In 2015, my frequent "sads" (especially in the months of December and January) were diagnosed as Dysthymia due to Vit D deficiency. This is because my culture also happens to want to avoid the REAL D-word as far as possible. I was given a bunch of D capsules and then was asked to discontinue them in a hurry (not even 2 weeks down) due to adverse effects on the heart. Since then I've had no medication, no further diagnosis, and in fact no follow up on any of this at all.
My misery has eaten away at me for years but I'm so damn good at putting on a brave face and moving ahead that no one knows, and no one will ever know, that no amount of sitting in the sun is ever going to make a difference to the way I feel.
This year I also found out that I would have to be put on a heart transplant list in the coming months. My doctor assured me that all this is way into the future but they still like to keep their patients mentally prepared years in advance. This I could accept and I stayed quiet while he said this. But sometimes the enormity of it all hits me and then I have to get up and drag myself to school again, and I resent wasting my few years left on bullshit I dislike.
I will not get into the kind of school I teach at, but it's an experiment in "alternative" education. As a person with some background in philosophy, education, literature, etc. I'm thankfully still very curious to explore these ideas in my country. But I hate it, absolutely HATE, that every single staff member in my school is so morally upright and self righteous and... SJW. I don't care if people think I've been "red-pilled". I simply hate hypocrisy. I'm seeing so much of it happen in this school space that I have to sometimes keep myself from laughing out loud at some of their ridiculous notions. Also, alternative or not, there is no space in this school for anyone, let alone a teacher, with a limited physical endurance. If they ever guess that I'm all fucked up mentally too, I'll never find a welcoming space anymore.
Maybe at another time I'll post about my super crappy love life as well, as empty as I feel every single day. I've forgotten how to be positive and cheerful. I've forgotten how to care, about anything
I just drag myself up and to work and through life day after day and every single day I wish the end was in sight but it isn't.
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self.depression
|
I had my first real date in two years tonight. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I think I'm depressed however, every time I try to articulate my feelings I fail and come to a conclusion that I'm not depressed.
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self.depression
|
I am not depressed enough to be administrated. I've had a look at a place where I could stay in for 2 weeks and get more intense therapy, but I feel like I'm not depressed enough to be administrated there. It's for people who are going through a crisis and I am not in a crisis. I was advised to go there because my day structure has been completely vanished. I'm scared of sleeping to the point that I sleep in around 5 am every night. I'm scared of my thoughts because I will tell myself to die and think of events and how worthless I am. It's not always dangerous, but it's always so unpleasant that I do anything to avoid it. It fucked up my day to day structure. I don't do anything but sit on the couch and watch stupid youtube videos or scroll on reddit. Stopped going to lectures, only sometimes hang out with friends. But I avoid even fun things like vacations, because I'm afraid I won't like it which makes thoughts worse. At the facility they told me it could really benefit me to get some structure back, but I don't wanna waste this opportunity when I'm really in a crisis. I've thought of ways to kill myself, but never seriously. They are always passing thoughts I dismiss immediately. I haven't had anti-depressives yet, because I try to avoid that and only use it if I really must. What to do? I don't know
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Feel suicidal for no reason and every reason. If I call the suicide hotline, would I be wasting their time? I have no plans and no intention of doing anything now. So, I guess they need to focus on others that need it more. Which hurts me. Because I think how I don’t even deserve the services of suicide hotline and I’m not important enough and I’m not taken seriously enough and my problems aren’t that bad. I just need someone’s support. But it’s a Saturday and I don’t know if my psychiatrist even cares enough about me to want to hear from me now. I feel he’s been neglecting me for weeks now. I feel awful and small and insignificant. Will professionals or people who are supposed to be there for people like me even care?
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self.bipolar
|
Literally no one in this world loves me or really appreciates my existence. And this is a very sad realization for me. I mean this very literally; I have no one who I talk to, very very few people at my workplace even know my name and those who do don't like me or are indifferent to me. One of my parents died when I was 11 and the other was a depressed, neglective, and angry alcoholic who deeply regretted having my sister and I. Hell, even my sister doesn't like me and won't talk to me these days.
I mean nothing to anybody. If I were to die tomorrow the only reaction from anybody would be a feeling of relief for my parent.
And I have so much shit I want to say about my past and about my interests but I never leave my apartment except for work and shopping since I'm so anxious in social situations. Complaining about this shit makes me feel even more like a worthless burden but I need to say something to anyone.
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self.depression
|
How do I approach a doctor with this? Lately a lot of people have been asking me if I'm OK. Everyone around me is noticing something is wrong. I've decided to try and get some help so that I can make it look like it's OK and get everyone off my back.
But how exactly do I get help? Which doctor should I see? Just a family physician? I don't really like my regular one and haven't gotten around to changing doctors yet. Should I just go to a walk in? Or should I look up a specific doctor? And will they even be able to help me get my life on track? Like what can they realistically do for me?
Are antidepressants going to help make me feel less stressed anyway or should I just stick to my weed? I don't care what's worse for my body, I only care about what works.
And what do I even say to a doctor? How do I show I've got depression? Like what's the test they do to check. Should I take my diary with me to show the doctor some of the thoughts I have? Should I tell them about the times I was on the verge of suicide? Should I show them the cuts on my arms?
I just have so many questions and I don't know where to even start looking for answers.
Please someone help me.
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self.depression
|
I'm tired of living in fear I've gone through the past several years with a severe fear of alcohol that gives me panic attacks. I can't explain it and it's intrusive to my life in college and I have no idea what to do about it. It's like I wasn't made to be able to make it in this world and like everything is against me.
I hate myself for this stupid fear and the fact that I can't find anyone else like me or picture myself going through normal adulthood when I get anxious from a bottle of wine.
I'm tired of trying and I'm tired of making those around me act differently. I won't kill myself. I don't think that I have the ability to, but I'm at the point where I'm down to stop living if it was my time.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Does forcing yourself to do stuff help? Does forcing yourself to do stuff like get up, get showered and leave the house help get rid of depression? I'd be really interested to hear people's opinions.
|
self.bipolar
|
So I have decided I'm going to live like crazy and then kill myself at 30. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Same thing everyday I wish there was somebody, but anxiety makes it so talking to people is impossible I'm 18 and still in high school sadly I've given up on that I live with my parents still and don't know where life will take me. I want to end my life every waking moment it's been the same for about 4 years and people always tell me it'll be okay or it'll change over time but those people could not handle me. I Fucking despise the people I live with who get angry at my depression.. what am I supposed to do when I have no friends and nothing soon I'm just gonna be homeless then that's it for men could give a shit less to what happens to me..
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Good night everyone, it was nice talking to you all! Good night everyone, it was very nice talking to you all.
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self.depression
|
This is my suicide note. I'll just start and say thank you to my two most caring friends, I loved you guys. You all helped me through my suicide attempt. I could say anything to you all. I opened up to one of you about being molested as a kid, and it felt so good to tell you. I can't express how grateful I was for you all. When I was with you all I felt cared for, and I didn't always have my guard up, I felt safe for once....
Red I'm so sorry, I know you had so much hope for me, you wanted to see me get out of where I'm at, you wanted me to get to California. I was so close to 16 and I could go get myself help, im just too fucking weak. Two years of serious depression has took all hope I had left. I hope you make sure you kids have a good life, please make it a million times better than mine was.
Lastly, thank you Reddit. You all on this website have mostly raised me since I was 12, y'all were my parents in a sense. You all made life not suck as much. I would get lost in here for hours just to escape... Special shout-out to r/drugs, you guys helped me to not overdose on accident, I would have died at 13 without you all.
Well, I guess this is the end. I hope if you are feeling down you can get help before you end up like me. Please stay alive like I couldn't. I love you all, goodbye for the last time.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
TW - Suicide - A bipolar man who survived jumping off the golden gate bridge described instant regret [short video] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcSUs9iZv-g
I know, I know, buzzfeed is awful. Watch it though.
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self.bipolar
|
I’m being pushed out of my current job (small town politics) and I just don’t think my current career is good for me long term. I need help getting out and moving on. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
My birthday For the first time in awhile I was kinda excited for my bday, ive been depressed ever since I was pretty young hard to get excited for things but I was. My whole family is together was planning to party with some friends. Well I woke up and the dog I've had since childhood and just the best dog you could ask for passed away now all I want is for this fucking day to be over and its only 12. No one in my family can even fake a smile and who could blame them not a day for celebration.
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self.depression
|
What are your favorite apps for anxiety relief, meditation, mindfulness, etc? I’ve been using the app Calm, it was recommended to me by my therapist’s office. It’s free, has guided meditations, sleep stories, and timed meditations. It’s been pretty helpful for staving off my anxiety and panic attacks. What apps have you all found helpful?
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self.Anxiety
|
There is no help out there. Hotlines don't connect me. Textlines are always unavailable. Therapists might as well be robots. People here have nothing helpful to say besides "hang in there". If you don't have family or friends, you have no one. Don't believe anyone who says "you are not alone". If you don't have a caring family or close friends, you are alone. Plain and simple. Strangers will never care no matter what they tell you. If you have no family or friends, you are all alone in the world. Some people can live like that. Some can't. I can't.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Need help finding a reason I've honestly had enough, a lot of things happened to me good and bad but everyday it just gets worse in my head. I don't see the point in living anymore I feel i have no purpose, and nothing feels real anymore. Just asking if anyone can help me hold on.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Panic Attack over A Bad Day At Work. We all have them, right? Well, today, I screwed up. Not *too* terribly, I don't think, but one of my managers, who is notorious for being a not-so-nice person, pretty much just laid down the law on me. I've tried and tried to please this guy, but everything I do is wrong or needs improvement.
It's like he takes a white cloth glove and checks every corner for hiccups.
I keep freaking out that, because I messed up today, he's going to try to get me fired. I'm having a panic attack about it. I can't lose this job. I try to keep a low profile so people leave me alone, but I just can't please this guy.
What do I do? The rest of my managers and co-workers are fantastic, just this ONE guy.
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self.Anxiety
|
Got a new script but I haven't been taking it so I can enjoy this mania I'm in right now is this dangerous [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Reasons why I need to die Oh boy a list of my problems. Here we go.
- I can’t maintain friendships. I had some who cared years ago but they’ve all gone quiet now. I’m particularly crap with Male friendships, I’m a guy by the way. Even when I had friends at school, the people I considered my best friends didn’t consider me theirs they had other better friends.
- My gf and her family think I’m amazing but I just don’t love her and I’m terrified of telling her. I’m in quite deep with this and it’s terrifying.
- No job. I had a zero hours contract thing last year and I’ve volunteered abroad but no job and I’m so unemployable. I’m 23. When I see people who used to know me and they say about their high flying job and ask what I’m doing I just want to dissolve into nothing.
- I’m doing a Masters degree (mainly because I can’t find a job) and I have almost no motivation.
- Things I normally enjoy like reading or watching tv I can no longer do. I’ve just been unable to do the things I enjoy.
- I have anxiety and aspergers which makes it almost impossible to talk to people without overthinking or saying something stupid. I lose things constantly I’m really clumsy and I’m crap at getting interviews and things because I’m so socially inept.
- I have various physical health problems, mainly I have heart problems and I’m generally quite frail. I’m hoping if I just stop taking my meds for this (I haven’t in about a week) I’ll just die.
- My family don’t care. I think my dad just wished he could talk about me to his mates without being ashamed and my mum pities me in a pathetic kind of way. My siblings don’t really speak to me at all.
I mean I was a bloody retarded stupid kid but I enjoyed learning things and reading and I was kind of happy. I used to go around telling everyone I was going to be Doctor Who when I’m older. If that kid saw me now he’d probably just want to kick me in the nuts turning into the pathetic mess I am now.
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self.depression
|
Depressed partner Hi guys! Short term lurker and first time poster here.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for just under a year now. He’s been depressed for five years and when we met, it was mostly very well managed and he was doing well. He changed jobs in the last six months and he’s found the work boring and the commute (1.5 hours) to be horrific and it’s had a negative impact on him. He’s in the process of finding a new job at the moment but he hasn’t been feeling well for awhile now (constant feeling of sadness, lack of interest in activities, oversleeping and difficulty getting out of bed, emotional and sexual withdrawal).
I love this man to death and I’m feeling really helpless. I’m doing my absolute best to educate myself so I can be the best support to him. I’m hoping to get some suggestions from everyone here on things I can do make him feel better, even if it’s just the slightest.
Thanks in advance and I hope you’re all having a gorgeous day x
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self.depression
|
I don't know if this belongs here, but I don't know where else to go [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Not sure if i should be here. So I was having a pretty low day and I Googled for something to help and reccomended I visit here. Recently I've been getting a lot better, for the last 14 years, more than half my life, I've struggled with unhealthy and harmful coping habits. But as of late I've been doing well, not good because most days usually are less than seller, but it's been steadily getting better bit by bit, trying to conquer a myriad of issues I deal with. I've been having a few low points today and tonight is finishing up with me feeling like I'm back 2 years ago when things were pretty down. I know I'm not stupid enough to do anything that I used to, I have a few personal reasons that no matter how low I'm feeling I won't go back to that, but with how much things like that have been on my mind and how much it's hard to ignore now it worries me. I don't know if telling this to some random stranger on the internet will help but that's what everyone recommends, I don't know but here it is.
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self.depression
|
Really behind in college , can't think , I don't have any energy and I don't know what to do I've been to counseling and I'm in mess by it doesn't help, nothing seems to help
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self.depression
|
Thyroxine, Adrenaline & Dopamine: A Potent Bipolar Cocktail? IDK *why* this hasn't smacked me in the face before.
1) Many people (not all) with >>> [BSDs](https://www.google.com/search?q=bipolar+spectrum+disorders&oq=bipolar&aqs=chrome.2.69i59j69i57j69i59j69i60l3.5465j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8) <<< have elevated -- or very high or inconsistent, but *rarely* low -- blood >>> [thyroxine](https://www.google.com/search?q=thyroxine&oq=thyroxine&aqs=chrome..69i57j69i60j35i39j0l3.4438j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8) <<< levels (a characteristic upshot of *up*-regulated thyroid function).
2) Likewise, their resting >>> [salivary cortisol](https://www.google.com/search?q=salivary+cortisol+test&oq=salivary+cortisol&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0l5.6077j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8) <<< levels fluctuate throughout the day. >>> ([Cortisol](https://www.google.com/search?q=cortisol&oq=cortisol&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.3654j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8) <<< is compound #1 in a four-chemical chain leading to the >>> [fight-flight-freeze response]( https://www.google.com/search?q=fight-flight-freeze+response&oq=fight-flight-freeze+response&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.1845j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8) <<< so often observed in BSD mania, *adrenaline* flow... and even adrenaline *stabbing*.) And...
3) >>> [Dopamine](https://www.google.com/search?q=dopamine&oq=dopamine&aqs=chrome..69i59j69i57j0l4.3100j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8) <<< flow through the >>> [limbic system](https://www.google.com/search?q=limbic+system&oq=limbic+system&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.4251j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8) <<< in manic BSD sufferers is more like a flood... meaning the person with BSDs of any sort is likely to feel impulsive, compulsive, and stimulus-seeking to get sensations experienced as rewarding.
Wondering how that strikes any of you out there in r/biolar-land.
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self.bipolar
|
Tell me your mania stories Hey guys,
So I've gotten slapped in the face with reality about a week ago when I realized how much money and time I've wasted before I was aware that I have bipolar disorder.
I started college in 2015, my parents were paying for my tuition (they still are but won't be able to next year) and I would enroll in all these classes because I would convince myself I could get all A's and manage my time well. I literally just gave up and was like "fuck this" 2-3 weeks into the semester and dropped half the classes I enrolled in. I've done this up until this year. I've lost so much money because of this. I'm also behind on my credits so I won't be graduating on time.
I also did not care about textbook prices, and literally just bought whatever first listing I saw because "$400 for a bio textbook is no big deal!!". I could've saved so much money if I had taken 20 mins searching other places for a better price.
I've gotten two impulsive tattoos, costing me around $1,200-1,300 in total.
I walked into Best Buy to pick up my pre-ordered Wonder Woman movie a few months ago and walked out with that and a $651 camera that I'm now selling on eBay for $200 less because I can't afford to pay it off especially now that I'll be responsible for my tuition. Literally used the camera once.
I'm just really worried about my future right now. I don't know how I'm going to afford the remaining tuition on my undergrad and then go to grad school. Don't know if I'll even be able to hold a job that'll actually allow me live comfortably without depending on anyone.
So tell me, what situations has your mania gotten you into that has/will affect your life in the future or only for a little while?
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self.bipolar
|
Help, cant decide to quit or stay Well, it all started off like a normal day. Went to school and stuff, and then my cosin came to me and said that he had found a job and they he said they need one more to work there. So i went to this restaurant ( where he was working) i went down there and we talked and i got the job, I was happy really happy because i could get some money now, and i can deside what i am going to do with the money. I worked Thursday and Friday, and he worked saturday and sunday. I learned all the things i should do and stuff like that. Then one day my boss came up to me, and said "I want you to work here instead of your cosin" and i were stunned i didn't know what to say. I said it all to my parents and they just said "that is how it is" i was a bit happy and not, on the good side, i got a lot more money, and on the bad side i loose a lot more of free time in the weekends. ( I work from 5-8 pm ) And now i have been working there for 3 month soon. It is kinda depressing, well it probably not depressing. But on Fridays all of my friends are just looking forward to Friday because weekend, and then they ask me if i can come over for a day or two. And i will always have to decline the offer, and that just annoyes me. I need to decline the offer because i only work weekends. And lately i have been thinking of quitting my job. But at this moment i am saving my money for a new screen that's about 450$. And i i make 150$ a month. The reason i want to quit my job is more free time and more workout and more practice to me. And i told my mom about this and she says its okay if i quit or not, because i am only 14 y/o. And then my mom told all of this to my dad. And i dont think he was so supportive about it because he said " if you quit your job i wont pay for your workout anymore and all the little other things", and that just made me a bit mad. Because now i just feel like i have to work to go to the gym where i workout and he even paid for it befor i started working. Thanks for reading all this i really appreciate it
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self.offmychest
|
My Mania Firing synapses through my brain, trying to escape this pain
You think it's for my own gain
I'm just doing my best to remain sane
Boughts of depression
bubble up and pour out hot liquid lava
Rage, my muse, my mania, my obsession
You don't deserve it, not one bit, but I can't just sit my mind is just too lit and
The fireworks don't let me sleep.
"Where are you going?" I get up, I don't speak, and you don't seek those answers you consider meek,
I am not unique
Please forgive me in my internal haze while the fires blaze and burn the days
Away.
Away from you, that's what is safe. Keeping my toxins out of your blood, staying dumb and numb until you come, and find
Me
Craddled inside myself.
Don't pull me out.
Let this demon rest, keep her locked up in my chest, sealed with a crest, it's best
that you don't know her.
She'll only eat you alive.
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self.bipolar
|
I find it cruel that life is only somewhat bearable when I'm sleeping. I have insomnia. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
My mum stopped controlling my meds... she was giving me to them daily, the rest kept in the safe after an OD about 6 weeks ago. Now the lat few days she's left them out and I've pillaged the whole lot, not that she'll notice now but when we go to top up my pill dispenser they'll be a lacking of quite a few things; I'm such an idiot.
I know I need to tell her but don't want to tell her what I've done. I guess just say it's a risk rather than I've already taken extra stuff out of the bags?
I wish I could be trusted with them (the meds) just hate feeling the way I feel everyday at the moment so I'll do whatever to change it. I'm an idiot.
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self.bipolar
|
Teachers cause it Whenever I’m in class and have to talk to everyone with a teacher it freaks me out. I’m cool talking to everyone without a teacher because their all my friends but for some reason I have a huge problem with teachers listening to me. If I randomly get called on in class it sparks a panic attack, but if I raise my hand to answer a questions I still get anxious but I don’t have an attack. I’ve never had this issue in the past I’ve given full speeches in front of a church of people on my eighth grade graduation. Why is this hitting me now at the end of senior year. It sucks dicks yo. Im literally worried about taking a quiz tomorrow in my government class (which I had a panick attack in once already) because when we grade the quiz the teacher calls on people to read the question and answer. It’s literally one sentence and the dread of not knowing if she going to call on me is horrible.
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self.Anxiety
|
Depicting Bipolar Disorder In Art Hello! I'm a college student diagnosed Bipolar 1 with psychotic features and am just about to graduate (finally). Before my college career finally comes to an end, I have 10 weeks to complete a digital art project. Luckily, our professor has given us the freedom to choose the topic of our projects as well as which digital methods we may use.
I'm set on addressing mental illness, mainly bipolar disorder since I feel a major personal connection to it, in this project, although I haven't necessarily a specific idea yet. I want it to present a realistic depiction of mental illness, giving the public a look into what the experience is actually like. I'm trying to decide if I should create create an installation piece, an animation, a screen wall piece, an audio soundscape, a real life immersive experience, and on and so forth (my mind is honestly racing with your ideas). Also, I'm trying to to decide if I should depict mental health as a whole (i.e. multiple mental disorders), bipolar disorder, negative stigmas associated with mental illness, a bipolar experience kind of thing or what have you. The ideas honestly seem endless at this point, but I'm excited its moving forward at least a little! And I also have some time to think this over and true a topic I'm particularly interested in and passionate about depicting in an digitally, artistic manner
Which actually brings me to why I'm actually writing this post in the first place. I wanted to reach out to everyone and see if anyone would be willing to share some advice, quotes, stories, experiences, opinions, project ideas, photos, any art, or anything really! I would really love to utilize some information and first hand accounts from people that have actually lived it. Right now, I'm mainly looking for references to use as inspiration, content, and ideas to establish the main topic of my project. So, honestly, I really would appreciate anything anyone would be willing to offer/share with me that they feel would be helpful in providing insight into the world of bipolar disorder!
Thank you, guys!
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self.bipolar
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(First time Poster) Posting because I'm terrified and I'm trying to face my fears The more I stay in my comfort zone, the smaller it gets. I rarely leave the house. I can't keep a job because those "fun" debilitating panic attacks. I can't make friends because I freeze up and if I do talk, I immediately regret it and always think I say the wrong thing. Plus people probably avoid me because I'm socially awkward. The anxiety has never been this bad. I realized the more I give in to this fear, the weaker I get. The worse my life gets. So recently I've decided to face my fears. I'm posting here because frankly it scares the living shit out of me. I want to fight this. I might have to get on pills but we'll see. Wish me luck. Also feel free to message me as that's an even bigger fear. I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: Fuck anxiety! I'm done letting it stop me living my life.
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self.Anxiety
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I don’t have any friends No one who actually understands what a mess my brain is everyday of my life.
I try and reach out to people and tell them I’m sad and I need support and no one takes me seriously because “how could anything be wrong? You have a perfect life!”
I take everything to heart and everything hurts my feelings. I’m such a liability to everyone in my life and can’t make a decision for myself.
I should just die
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self.depression
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