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I think I have trichotillomania and it's really stressing me out Trichotillomania is a mental disorder characterized by excessive hair-pulling, often resulting in bald spots and embarrassment. Other symptoms include a sense of pleasure/relief after pulling your hair, trying to stop but repeatedly but failing, and biting/eating your hair.
I've been pulling my hair for a few months now. I always start by curling it and knotting it by rubbing it between my fingers, until I grab the knot and pull it out. Then, I usually put it in my mouth and chew on it until it all just dissolves into my mouth (it later gets found in my toothbrush).
Usually, I find myself absent-mindedly curling it during class, in times of mild anxiety, or just comfortably watching a show. It's kind of calming too, the feeling of the little knot between my fingers.
Just today, my mom asked me why I had a bald spot on my head. I hadn't known about it, so I checked with a mirror to see a very noticeable, very unappealing spot of scalp, much to my dismay. I was horrifyingly embarrassed. It's also worth mentioning that, every time I see my dad, he asks if I cut my hair, which I never do. The fact that it visibly looks shorter means that it visibly looks like it's been disappearing.
I'm absolutely mortified. I don't know how long I've had this spot, or how noticeable my obsessive twisting has been, but I'm sure people think I'm insane and freaking creepy. I don't know how to stop.
I also need to mention that I know that self-diagnoses are almost always incorrect. However, if I don't actually have the specific disease, then I have a seriously bad habit that I still need help with.
Thank you for taking the time to read this all. I just really hope I can stop this obsession and grow my hair back before I do anymore damage to my social life :(
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self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone use a SAD Lamp for depression? I don't have SAD but I have bipolar and I always seem to get depressed around the winter for a few months. I'm wondering if a lamp would be a good investment. I know it's not as good as medicine. I am having financial issues and it's kind of expensive so I'm wondering if anyone had any experience with them. I also live in southern california so it's not like it's gloomy all the time. I'm just looking for any kind of relief.
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self.bipolar
|
I'm ready to try again, I just can't live with this life of emptiness. Tonight I'm going to swallow a bottle of zoloft and hang myself with a shoelace. I hope I can finally end my miserable existence. Don't try telling me about how it'll get better because it won't, don't tell me people will miss me because they won't. Tonight marks the end of my miserable 15 years of life. Please don't try to remember me as some good person, because I know I am a horrible person. My existence serves no purpose, and is just a cycle of depression, I can't wait to see what's beyond this life. (After writing this I realized it made me feel so much better and lighter, I may not go through with it but I hope I have the guts to finally end it.)
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self.SuicideWatch
|
A big thing hold me back is the fear that the people near me don't actually give a shit about my mental health and just want me to get better so I'll fucking leave. Part of this feeling of hopelessness is the thought that they only offer their support so I'll stop being a thorn in their side. If I get better, they won't need to help me anymore after all.
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self.depression
|
How I feel... I feel so much pain and hurt and emptiness inside. I live with my girlfriend, and I feel like I'm nothing more than a burden on her. I feel like I'm a burden on everyone. She often gets so mad, so aggressive at me so often for such stupid things, and it hurts more each time. Our best moments are so short, and such small victories. A kiss on the cheek is a rarity. Affection is an impossibility, both physically and verbally. My GF is my only friend left, and I feel emotionally drained trying to feel loved by her. I love her so much, and I feel with every power of my being that I don't want to lose her, but I feel like I'm at my breaking point, that I'm just so emotionally drained. But at the same time, even if I did want to put that space between us, be alone, I have nowhere else to go to do just that. Nowhere to live but with her. No options. I feel as though I can't do anything right by her. I feel like I can't do anything right by anyone. I feel that I'll never be loved. That nobody wants me. I feel so alone. I have no job. No car. No money. No savings. No friends. No motivation to care for anything that I should care about. I feel caged in, with no options, backed into a corner. All my caged emotions, all my sadness that I've locked away, are boiling to the surface. I feel like I don't have anything or anyone. That I have nothing to live for, yet here I am, empty and cold. And as much as it feels as though there's nothing there, it feels just as strongly so that I'm about to burst. I feel so empty, yet overwhelmed at the same time. And I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm breaking inside, trying to stay alive. And it hurts so much, with no hope of redemption. I've been in denial of it for so long. For years, I've told myself, that I'm just a crybaby. That I'm just lazy. I'm faking it. That I just need to get over it. And, "Shouldn't I?", I think. I'm only 20 years old, after all. What do I have to be upset about? To be sad about? To feel broken by? I don't have the right, the ability to feel the way I think I feel, not yet. Or, that's what I've told myself. Year after year. And that may very well be true. I constantly bully myself into trying to forget what I feel, to ignore it, play ignorant to it. I've gotten into the habit of literally yelling at myself to shut up whenever I think of how I feel. And even so, most every second I'm alone, or unoccupied, I'm just riddled with painful thoughts such as these. I don't even know how I should feel anymore, I feel so emotionally unstable. I just wish I could be happy, though I don't even remember what happiness is really like. I've been like this for as long as I remember. I've always just wanted to be normal. To have a normal life. To love and be loved. I want to grow to have a family, and a home. A wife. Kids. People I love. But... I feel as though that's nothing but a dream. An unanswered wish. And that I'm just destined to slowly drift into the abyss, alone... Forever.
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self.depression
|
My life sucks right now I lost a great realationship. I'm struggling to recover. But, I know it wont always be this way if I keep trying to improve. I'm keeping on keeping on.
|
self.bipolar
|
LSD Had my first bad trip... i think i kind of needed it. Really woke me up
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self.offmychest
|
Being depressed, are you emotionally detached from everyone/ everything? I feel very unworthy of being loved, and I’m just not capable of sharing any love to anyone. I don’t even care or make any effort in patching things up with anyone, I’m just too tired.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Marijuana to help with anxiety/depression? I have suffered from anxiety since pre kindergarten and when I was seen by a psychiatrist in grade four I was talking about self harm and suicide. I have been smoking marijuana since 14 as that was the only thing that helped my anxiety.. I have been on nearly every medication (I am now 22) seen many doctors, psychiatrists done counseling and nothing has helped.. Almost all the doctors have told me to stop smoking marijuana but that's all that helps me.. Anyone else in these shoes?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Waking up everyday in a Panic Every morning since I have stopped my seroquel (two weeks ago) I wake up with anxiety and a sense of panic. I know it could be withdrawal symptoms but this was the way I felt before I started seroquel and was diagnosed as Bipolar 2. Does anyone else experience this?
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self.bipolar
|
Natural Ways to Battle BiPolar/Schizophrenia I am tired of Prescription Pills and I am tired of feeling crazy. I am tired of side effects and I am Tired of feeling Sorry. I am always tired, so maybe I do not hear the voices today yet now I am trapped in the recliner, only Energy I have is to eat and watch trash tv and kick myself mentally for not getting up and doing more. Now I am unmotivated as all my mistakes and regrets come tumbling down and I am still watching the tv but can not follow what is happening. I forget to look deeper into the people and figure out what drove them to want their lives to be so Privateless. That is not even a word but it’s the only one I can even think of. I am so tired of being tired.
I am tired of gaining weight and the cravings.
I feel like the withdrawals are meant to be awful by it’s an additive they add so we keep needing it. With the illusion that it works when in reality it is stripping us of our inability to freely think...that Thought is followed by the same thought that I need this med. without it I will ruin everyone’s lives...that awareness gives me strength that without the meds I could be a better person...that thought his followed by the thought that I will hurt the ones i love...a constant back and forth with a shriveling courage that keeps reminding me I am not strong enough...I have felt more myself in The rare moments I get to spend a couple of days without my meds, and for those moments I live without shackles without a voice telling em I am a wrong. It is without guilt as I live my moments following the flow of energy and no regrets...
Those moments are followed by A lack of energy, and all the regrets...all those moments of feeling free..guilty...gross..stupid..embarrassed was I too Annoying? too slutty? Too loud?? Too Free...
What mistakes did I make while living my Truth..for those couple of days without my meds...
Is a couple of days even possible or is it one giant pseudo feeling that I created when in reality I am just a horrible person living behind the excuse that I am Bi Polar... I do not know what is real or who I am, really. What kind of monster am I that I would be so cruel and chaotic to those I love the most. What world do I live in where I would rather carve ruins in my skin than to hurt those who love me.
What is wrong with me?
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self.bipolar
|
I need to make it through the next 4 months I got a great internship that will look good on my resume. I had my first day today and I honestly don't know how I will make it through the next four months. It wasn't terrible, but I don't really like the people I have to work wIth and I honestly don't even know if I can do the work. I am such an awkward person. And because of my depression I already feel tired without doing anything. How am I supposed to get through basically working a fulltime job? 😢
|
self.depression
|
I got off of the streets in time for my 21st birthday. It's on Sunday, the 10th. I have things I want to do now that I have a bit more structure in my life. My mental health is I'd say pretty decomposed but I'm incredibly occupied with doing household chores because I missed them, showering, eating. I missed all of that so much.
My friends were entirely online and they left me when I lost my place and everything but my pajamas I had on really. Just kind of happened literally overnight. They said I ditched them and it was insensitive and cruel of me but nobody ever mentioned that they wondered why I suddenly disappeared and some got upset saying it was an excuse. Like then excuse me while I sleep at this bus stop.
I feel incredibly selfish for mentioning anything negative or anything regarding my personal feelings now because I'm always met with anger and so I'm incredibly isolated in my thoughts.
I'm still trying to recover mentally from some violence I experienced in my months out there (I'm not the most equipped for the situation). Nobody is willing to sit through me mentioning it so I'm processing it internally. At least I'll have a roof on Sunday. Maybe I'll buy myself something small since I can afford that now but I don't even feel invalidated enough to ask which cider I should buy (it's my favourite at this point in my life and I have some cash to treat myself that I won't go hungry or cold if I spend it) because I shouldn't even acknowledge my own birthday. It's bizarre.
I'd love to just have some company on my birthday because I'm honestly fairly shocked that I made it to the end of this year. I put a lot of effort into that not happening so very interesting outcome.
|
self.depression
|
I just need to vent this I don't care if anyone reads this or not I just need a safe space to vent my thoughts and feelings. I don't even know where to start I've been stuffing things down and suppressing so much for so long that I'm finding it difficult to think with clarity and articulate myself clearly. I've tried to pinpoint when exactly it was I started to feel like I was in a haze, lost, out of touch with myself. It seems I could trace it back to a little over a year ago. I had ended a relationship with a "former" drug addict and harbored a lot of resentment to him. My reasons for dating him weren't that great either. I felt like I was a little bit better than him. That I would be some kind of prize. So I went for him. I thought I could be the best girlfriend ever. Mold him into my perfect man. Love him into changing. Surely I would be worth it. Well the next 5 years proved to be futile. I was constantly disappointed, let down, resentful. I felt guilty for being angry with him because I was the one that CHOSE to be with him. I couldn't really blame anyone but myself. There was a lot wrong with that relationship but one of the most frustrating things was our sex life. I felt it was non existent. He didn't have much of a drive and he was also a bit repressed. Deep down, I craved intimacy, depth, sexual liberation, exploration. I fantasized constantly about the sexual experiences I wanted to have or do again. This eventually turned into me watching a lot of porn and taking care of my own needs.
We eventually broke up over his addiction but still remained "friends". Soon after that I took a trip overseas and ended up binge drinking one night and hooking up with someone. I barely remember it but from what I do recall I was enjoying myself quite a bit. When I finally came too. I ended up calling him and telling him about it. He was angry. I knew he would be. Although we weren't technically together. We still shared intimacy and I felt guilty. I also felt relived in some way too. Like finally I did something that would end this relationship once and for all. No back and forth. I also liked that freedom in knowing I could explore my sexuality again. I was free to choose. No more consigning myself to porn and masturbation. I could do the things I desired. When I returned home we talked in person and he was quite angry and hurt. But also wanted to continue having a relationship. I on the other hand felt like I was done.
Since it had been so long since I had been part of the dating world I sort of stepped back into that stuff with little steps. Perhaps not the smartest things but I did what I felt comfortable with. I was scared of getting out there and meeting people. Afraid of diseases, people playing games. But I was tired of my porn and solo masturbation. I ended up using things like whisper app to sext anonymous people. Using phone chat lines to have anymous phone sex. I wasn't necessarily content with this but at the time it was fun and it felt (somewhat) safe. Eventually I met someone on the whisper app that was a bit different. I was drinking one night, I was alone, feeling horny. I got on the app and asked if someone wanted to "clean" Skype. I ended getting a response with some guy overseas. I was intrigued and after messaging him for a bit it was clear that we were both in a very sexual mood. We made a Skype phone call and started talking. I was a bit more comfortable than I normally would've been because of the alcohol. So I quickly revealed my fantasies and the kind of sex I liked and wanted. I asked if I could call him daddy. His response was "of course, baby girl". I remember feeling this huge sigh of relief and losing myself in the daddy fantasy and he was right there with me. It was amazing. I should say that I've always had this kink. I never knew much about it in the context of bdsm. But it was always something I wanted to indulge in. Anyway it was clear that he really like my kink and we continued talking for the next few hours and then again the next day, and the day after. I felt like we were just having fun, enjoying this mutual kink. He then asked me about more of my fantasies, the things I liked, kinky and non-kinky. He told me about some of his fantasies. He even asked if I would like for daddy to give me some tasks. I said yes. Feeling intrigued, and excited. This was different. He told me to send him greeting texts everyday and to send picture of my underwear. I thought maybe that's too much. I even brought that up with him. He told me only to do it if I was comfortable but that daddy would really appreciate it. Later on in that same Skype he asked me to get a marker and write I belong to daddy on my chest. I did it and thought. I guess that's kind of hot, but is it a bit much? I kept that thought to myself. I was enjoying this close attention so much. He really seemed to like that. He even said he didn't take that lightly. Again another thing that I thought seemed a bit strong. But I liked it. He started saying things like you like belonging to someone . You like being daddy's property. He then asked how I was feeling, what I was thinking. I said I felt good. Although I was also feeling a bit odd. Trying to understand what was happening. Was this a game? Was this real? What was it?
I continued sending pictures and greeting texts. We skyped again. He asked about that writing on myself. Saying he hoped to see it again. I was confused. I didn't want to write on myself with a marker everyday. He looked hurt, but asked if there was something else I would enjoy doing more. He said he wasn't upset with me but was trying to understand how I think. I couldn't help but to feel like I let him down. He said what just happened was normal. That it was ok and we could figure something else to do that I may enjoy more. This interaction was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. It was all so new. Later on the day I was thinking about him, missing him, wanting to be close to him.
I took a pen. Went into the bathroom stall at work, pulled up my shirt and wrote "I belong to daddy" on my chest. I took a picture and sent it to him. He was overjoyed saying he felt like my "true daddy dom" I felt amazing too. Like something finally clicked. That writing on myself felt like some kind of link to him. Something only he and I knew about, something I did for only him. From then on I write that on myself everyday. I loved knowing it was there. I felt this connection to him despite the distance. I loved what I was feeling. I also started feeling like I would do more and more for him.
It was great for a little while but then I noticed things starting to change. He wasn't as quick to respond. His messages weren't as inquisitive. He seemed to be hurried more. I eventually asked him about this and told him that we could stop this thing we had. That I was grateful for the experience but I didn't want to drag things out and do them out of obligation. He agreed, "released me", and said I could reach out any time. For about 2 days after that I felt ok. Like it was all worth it. And that I learned something very important about myself. But then this withdrawal feeling started to kick in. What now? I want a comforting daddy. I missed tasks and being a good girl. I missed the sift and firm contrast of his presence. I felt like I was on the brink of some intense self discovery and then it came to a screeching halt. I felt crushed. I reached out to him asking about what I should do now. He gave me some general sounding response about being adaptable. I thanked him for his response but was disappointed. Again a few days passed and more thoughts flooded my mind. I want to submit again. I want to continue this. If not with him, with someone. How do I navigate from here?What's happening? I reached out to him again. This time he never responded. I felt completely destroyed. Angry at myself, like a fool. I thought he was better than that. I thought he would tell me if he didn't want to talk. I certainly didn't think he was the type to ghost. But that's exactly what he did. The next few weeks I dealt with depression, confusion and thus new hunger in me that couldn't seem to satisfy. I spent hours googling and reading about ddlg, bdsm, and kink. I eventually found fetlife and very quickly got into the personals in there. Looking for my next "daddy" it wasn't the smartest move but I wanted it so bad. I also know I wanted a pleasant distraction from my pain.
Eventually I met some people on there that were nice and tried to offer a little guidance. They explained I was having a sort of "sub frenzy". They encouraged me to attend a munch in my local community. I did that and enjoyed it somewhat but still had a bit of anxiety. I still couldn't shake that feeling either. That hunger. I eventually tried to meet someone off fetlife with the same kink. Online it was ok and then we finally did meet and I wasnt attracted to him. I also didn't feel the chemistry in the flesh. He respected that, was very kind and we decided to go our separate ways. I was back at square one. Feeling empty, hungry, confused, hurt. I eventually got back on that whisper app and started messaging someone, the of course sexting like before. I also called him daddy because I liked too. But it wasn't deep. It wasn't like the last time. He just thought I was being kinky I was but I was also satisfying that hunger a bit albeit a very little bit but it was better than nothing. Than out of nowhere that foreign guy "daddy" messages me, saying "hey". I was relived, happy, and angry all at once. I told him how I was feeling how I was just starting to accept the fact that he didn't want to talk to me. To see me. He said he was sorry and that he was also sorry for reaching out. But I said it was ok. I missed him. I wanted to cling to him. We eventually started talking again. Sexting and having naught chats. But this time it was different. There were no more tasks. I didn't call him daddy and he was much more rough this time around. Wanting to humiliate and degrade me. I tried to go along with it because I wanted to keep him but I couldn't. I couldn't trust that he wouldn't disappear again. I couldn't let go and submit like before. I told him this and he seemed to admire and respect what I told him. I was feeling like I had a bit of closure and that I was finally able to put him behind me. But this desire to submit. This longing for daddy never went away.
I eventually tried dating locally and met someone that seemed interesting and who was into my kink. Upon reflection there were things I noticed about this person that didn't quite sit right with me but I minimized those feelings and pursued them anyway. I was so desperate to get my "fix". This is where things get heavy and I start losing myself. This is where the guilt and shame come in. I used this man. I used him to project my fantasy onto. I called him daddy and was submissive to him but pretty much guided the whole thing. As much as I wanted daddy I was voracious and wanted explore my sexuality and this kinky world I had discovered. I tried to be really honest with him about this part but realized he would feel hurt and emotionally react when I brought up this truth. Eventually I quit sharing everything. I started second guessing what would say. Censoring myself so I wouldn't have to deal with his emotional reactions. This relationship was one that Im still trying to clear the fog surrounding it. It was amazing and beautiful in some ways but painful, and confusing in other ways. He hurt me but I know I hurt him. With this man I really bonded. I showed him so much of myself and he showed me so much of himself. I still miss him but feel in some ways he is not good for me. I don't know. I think I'll continue writing this later. I feel spent as of right now. Thanks to anyone that reads this.
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self.depression
|
You are not alone Sometimes when I am feeling really down I come on here and either post and then delete it or read. About half an hour ago I came on here today and posted then deleted what I wrote.
Even though we are probably hundreds or thousands of kilometres apart, it makes me feel better that I’m not alone out there in how I feel.
I hope that you all feel better today, hopefully at least just a little better than yesterday. ♥️
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self.depression
|
I wish I was having a "Facebook Christmas" The type that's all over my timeline. A single snapshot that implies that everyone is merry and glee at Christmas time and all their struggles and conflicts have melted away.
I know for 99% of people that's not reality, but it'd sure be nice. I just wish I could be *half* as happy as the people in those photos.
What sucks is that I know what would make me happier today would be going to see *my* grandparents, but having to go see my "dad"'s "family" is ruining my whole Christmas Day. I'm ungrateful, I know. Some people don't even have family to visit.
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self.depression
|
How do I talk to a counselor about suicide? So I finally made the leap of faith to talk to a counselor next week.
One of my biggest fears is losing autonomy, so how do I talk to a counselor about suicidal thoughts without being admitted?
I constantly have suicidal thoughts and plans, however I can't bring myself to go through with them. I did attempt once, more than a decade ago, but I have been free of self harm ever since.
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self.depression
|
Bastards When I want to talk about realistic things I just get ignored. I want to talk about how mk ultra was real or how recent jfk docs are released. I get called paranoid because I'm curious about how people use their power? I'm curious because history states how people with power can control a situation? I'm told to sit back because that's just life? No, that's called power.
I'm tired of putting on a mask even though the information is in our faces. If something is too powerful we just have to submit to it. People don't even want to speak about what happens behind the scenes because It's "negative". History is filled with these "negative" facts. But we document them because it's reality.
IT'S STILL REAL IT STILL HAPPENS. JUST BECAUSE A LION EATING A DEER IS BRUTAL DOESN'T MAKE IT "NEGATIVE" THAT'S JUST LIFE. APPERENTLY LIFE HAS TO FIT A CERTAIN STATUS QUO. One that is all posotive and all bullshit.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
All I do is go from class to class to gym to home with no (meaningful) human interaction [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Thinking of hopping in a cab and offing myself deep in the woods Maybe it'll be easier... that way no one I know will find me
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel so empty, no one gives a fuck. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Exploding head syndrome caused by an increase in Zoloft dosage? So, my doctor decided to raise my dose from 25mg to 50mg since I had no major side effects starting out. As I was going to sleep last night, I heard a police siren wail 2 times. It was really loud. Like I was right next to a police car. I have heard that exploding head syndrome can occur when you stop using antidepressants, but not when you increase your dose. EHS is not harmful, so I am not that worried about it. Has this happened to anyone?
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self.depression
|
It's Thanksgiving, I'm surrounded by family but I feel alone The rest of my family is having a good time, laughing, eating, talking to one-another and then there's me, sitting alone on my phone. They don't seem to care to engage in conversation with me except for saying a hello and goodbye. Even with this I can't help but feel like an ungrateful piece of shit. Like always, I'm so tired, I wish I was in a bed, asleep. I wish I could be appreciative of life, but I'm not. I wish I could stop overthinking.
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self.depression
|
Someone talk to me in my final night. Please. Hello. First off I wanna say thank you to everyone in this subreddit, you have all been amazing people obviously this isn't my official account as I don't want any personal info of who I am to be related to this thread. It's been 6 months today that I officially started recognizing I was suicidal. I've had some good times and worse times in between then and now. I have had friends come and go, and I lurked this subreddit helping out people every now and then. Honestly I have stopped taking my Bipolar medication a week ago, and I can feel it affecting me now. I know I am rambling. I just need someone to talk to before I go through with this if I do. Ask me any questions about me or anything you want to know. I don't know anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Need help coping with depressed girlfriend Hello all,
I've been in a relationship with this girl for over a year now. Things were going fine until a few months ago. Before that, we used to fight every now and then, while now it is at least once a week. The thing is, my girlfriend has been on and off depression for the past 6 years. She told me that when she met me, her life became a lot better. My girlfriend recently started going to college (she used to work) and she started taking medicine for her ADHD to be able to get through college. This is when everything started to go downhill. My girlfriend always used to be easily triggered, but the pressure of college (she's having a hard time) and her medicine are making it even more easy to trigger her and give her mood swings. When my girlfriend is triggered, she falls back in a really dark place making her seem really depressed (hurting herself, wanting to die etc). The smallest things trigger her, like today she woke up with a cold sore on her mouth, and immediately EVERY thought she has is negative. (She's upset because we can't kiss now, but she acts as if this cold sore will NEVER go away and everything is ruined) The worst thing is that when she feels like this, she says things that she doesn't mean (she means it at the time she feels bad, but as soon as she feels better she says that it's not true what she said). This is making it hard for me to keep up with her. Like this morning, we were supposed to go to a party in a club this weekend. She already has a ticket and I don't. This morning, after the cold sore drama, she tells me that she doesn't want me to go to the party as the cold sore will ruin everything. I was sad but I accepted it. Then, a few hours later, she asks me: 'I saw that the tickets are all sold out, will you buy one second hand?' And I was like: 'what the hell, you just told me not to go, now I'm also too late to buy a ticket (they sold out just an hour ago) and now you ask me how I will get a ticket? I can only buy it second hand and then it'll cost me more, so I'll have to think about it.' And then she got all upset/mad at me because I wasn't sure whether I would still go to the party or not (we are going with a group of friends so she is not alone). Her mood swings and changing her mind often are 90% of the time the reason why we fight.
What's really frustrating me, is that whenever I try to address this problem to her, saying that I feel like she isn't really fine and maybe needs help, she feels really offended and says that there is nothing wrong with her. She has had multiple bad experiences with psychologists in the past so she refuses any kind of help (saying that she doesn't need help and she will manage on her own). She refuses to accept that she might still be (manic) depressed. She did, however, accept that her mood swings have become really bad and she wants that to change, but she says that it's hard for her and she doesn't know how to change. Yes, she might not be depressed 24/7 and she used to feel way more depressed in the past, but she still isn't a 100% okay.
Another frustrating thing is that her medicine makes her feel more easily triggered. BUT her medicine really helps her in college. The first month of college without medicine was really hard for her, but since she started the medicine her grades went up significantly and her self confidence also went up, making it easier for her to study. So I don't want to say to her that she should stop the medicine, since this would most likely result in dropping out of college (she almost dropped out the first month).
I'm getting a bit desperate since I don't know what I can do to help her/this situation. We are having more and more fights lately and I feel like it'll just increase if nothing changes. My girlfriend is also starting to push me away, saying things like 'you deserve a better person, why are you still with me?'. I love her a lot and I don't want to end this relationship, so any advice is appreciated.
tldr: GF has really bad mood swings and changes her mind often. Due to this we fight a lot. I think my GF might still be (manic) depressed, but GF claims that she is fine and refuses any kind of help.
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self.depression
|
Losing grasp of time It constantly feels like time, in the big picture, is going by so fast. But in the moment, each minute, each hour, is slow and heavy. This really got to me when I noticed how fast this year went, yet I could barely remember anything worth mentioning. It just feels really empty
Sometimes my memories get confused. I don't remember what happened when, where or with whom. As in, I'll recall "oh yeah this person told me that. Or was it that person?". It goes as far as me mixing up my real life acquitances and my online friends. It's like everything is just blending into this big, uniform mass, where nothing stands out
I don't think I really need help with this, honestly. Especially since I entered college this year, and I'm only one semester in; I can turn my thinking around, and say "something is going to happen. it's impossible that NOTHING happens. I just have to wait". But I guess that's not the right line of thought either, because while I'm waiting, I don't have anything to do, I'm lonely and every single hour feels like a pain to sit through so it's a circle.
Then I need to get myself busy so that time goes faster! I keep finding solutions to my own problems. Or maybe I keep wanting to find solutions for myself.
I don't even know what I'm expecting anyways when I say "something has to happen" to myself. I don't know what I would want to happen, I don't have any great experience that stands out and that I would like to happen again. Then that means I will discover new stuff! I just don't know what it is yet. I keep finding answers to myself, I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing anymore
"Discover new stuff" what does that even mean. Do I just sit in my place and new stuff will come knocking at my door? No, I have to reach out, I have to go outside, I have to try new things. I have the solution, I know the solution.
I don't need help since I seem to be able to help myself. I feel it's kinda silly to even post this, it's just me having a talk with myself about my own problems
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self.depression
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Thinking of ending it because I have no true friends It’s been this way for a while. Everyone hates everyone and is antisocial
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self.offmychest
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I just want to be happy I feel alone, like my existence doesn't matter. I want to mean something, i want to feel like i matter.
I want to be a better person and i try to improve my self worth but i don't feel anything. To be able to wake up and not feel worthless.
Hearing people tell me "just get over it" like its some kind of phase. I'm tired of feeling so damn alone in this.
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self.depression
|
It's the little things In a time when my big break play was cancelled, I'm overworked, and amazingly stressed, just hearing my ex say "I'm sorry for hurting you" and "you deserve the world on a gold plate." Made it all hurt a little less. Little things like that make a huge impact on my depressive episodes. Enjoy the little moments. Enjoy tiny compliments. They make giant impacts
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self.depression
|
How to handle myself around someone with anxiety? Hi All,
Firstly, I apologize if this isn't the right location for this post - maybe someone can point me in the right direction if this is the case.
I'm having Christmas at my fiance's dad's house and they are also having a member of their church over for a portion of the day and dinner. They don't know this person that well but found out they don't have anyone to spend Christmas day with and invited them over, because they are awesome. The dad mentioned that the visitor suffers from a fairly significant anxiety disorder, which it sounds like is enough of an issue that he felt he had to mention it. I've never really spent anytime around someone who I knew had issues with anxiety so I'm kind of nervous (Anxious?) about coming across the wrong way or potentially scaring the person as I am fairly outgoing. I'd appreciate any insight on things I could do or avoid doing to help make it an enjoyable experience for our visitor.
Thanks in advance for any suggestions/advise.
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm a bad person and I deserve death Every time I get into a relationship in ruin it with insecurities. When things get too rough and I think the person is going to leave, I cheat. I do it to protect myself, so I can fuck it up before anyone else can. It's not right, I know. But I'm fucked up. I've always been a fuck up.
I just ruined the best relationship I've ever had the same way. I cheated behind his back and didnt tell him. Right as things were finally starting to get better between us, he found out. He won't talk to me, and when he DOES talk to me, he's cursing at me.
I should kill myself. I'm a horrible person. I've always been a horrible person. I don't deserve joy. I don't deserve love. I don't deserve anything expect sadness and death.
I have prescription medicine and a bottle of vodka at home. I'm giving it a week to figure out if I can live with myself or not. Can you imagine? Finding out your child or sister died right before Christmas? Even in death I'll be a fuck up.
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self.SuicideWatch
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“A Quiet Place” is so good that it gave me a panic attack I thought I conquered my “claustrophobic” fear of being in a dark room, crammed with strangers, with loud noises. I made it to about 90% of the film seen and it was too much at that point 😔.
I sat with a guy at an iphone repair booth to help calm me down and guess what? He too deals with anxiety and he helped calm me down.
Anyways, 10/10 for the movie.
I’m laying in bed now trying to recuperate and I feel absolutely wiped and emotionally drained...
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self.Anxiety
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I’m curious... How many people use animals as a coping mechanism?
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self.Anxiety
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Depression - Conventional Life vs Life of Purpose (Need life advice) [deleted]
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self.depression
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I see 0 reasons not to kill myself. Just that, basically.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Got laid off from my second job in a row, wondering if I'm cut out for this game of life. I don't even really feel sad, happy or anything really, I just feel hollow. This is one of many major disappointments in a row for the past fuck knows how long in my life, in fairness this one was entirely my fault but I just don't know if I'm really cut out for this. Anything I do or attempt I seem to fail at, I honestly can't remember the last time anything truly good happened to me.
I know that in ways I need to change things about myself but I don't know what those things are. I know I shouldn't blame others for my problems but so many things have not exactly helped, for instance being bullied severely both physically and mentally for most of my school life has not helped my mental wellbeing in adult life. I have basically zero confidence in any situation, very anxious all the time, all round just a nervous wreck who has difficulty trusting others.
My home life doesn't help either, my parents wonder why I never spend time downstairs with them without realising they are both the reason I don't. They don't exactly have a happy marriage, a large part of their time is spent at each others throats arguing over the most stupid shit possible. And I know that my mum will instantly jump on my back for this when she finds out rather than provide any support.
I dont go out a lot and spend a large percentage of my time online as I feel safe there and that nobody can hurt me. Being a 23 year old man as well I feel like the stigma stops me from saying anything, I've hinted to people I'm not well at all but they don't seem to pick up on it and I feel if I do speak up either nobody will listen or somebody will claim I'm exaggerating or to get over it. Thing is, if someone I care about is in similar pain or predicament I always go out of my way to help in any way I can. But the second I need help I'm fobbed off. I'm always having to do something for someone and never be able to expect anything when I need the same help.
I mean what good am I to anyone or any company if I'm too stupid to even hold down a call centre or retail job. And given my brains and education I'm no good to any higher paid or rewarding job/course :( I have so many careers I would love to do but again, given my grades and what not theres not a snowballs chance in hell I'm getting into that.
I feel as though I was unfairly dismissed, to give you the rundown I worked for a centre processing wine orders over the phone for Christmas as a temp worker. Now granted I only had six days left anyways but it doesn't make it any less degrading to have this happen again. Last place was because they guy training me wasn't actually training me at all, when telling me to do something he would be so blunt it was unreal. This time it was because users had given me the wrong info in terms of delivery addresses, not my fault as I can only go on the info they give me, but HR saw it differently and saw me as "a financial burden to them" and let me go.
I feel this was totally unfair as I can't learn from my mistakes if you don't show me how to correctly use the system, but theres no point in arguing with the greedy fat cats upstairs. I'm never gonna win against them. I never thought I'd ever be so beaten down by life to the point that I'm seriously considering just stepping out of the race and sleeping forever. I don't know what I ever did to be dealt such a shitty hand in life but if it were possible to change it, I'd snatch that opportunity up in a heartbeat.
Sorry for the rant guys, I just needed this off my chest, and if I do choose to end it, I wanted someone to read this as my last entry if you want to call it that.
TLDR: Got laid off again, don't fancy being here anymore as I feel like I'm no use to society.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Rapid cycling is becoming increasingly unbearable So I’m bipolar one with rapid cycling. I was diagnosed about a year ago.
Lately I have felt so isolated and I think I did it but self. I go one day happy about my life. And that the rest of the week it takes all of my energy just to get out of my bed.
I know this comes with the illness. And I know that I’m going to be OK. But in the meantime I’d really like to stop crying and feeling like my life doesn’t matter.
I feel very alone even when I am around other people.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore.
I don’t remember how I ended up like this.
I’m so frustrated because the last three years I had so many horrible things happen.
I’m trying to get myself under control.
I take my medicine but it doesn’t seem to work. I change it. That will work for a few weeks. Then I have to move on to something else.
I don’t take Xanax or Clonopin. Only because my doctor doesn’t want me to become dependent on them. I don’t know. I guess a lot of people become addicted. I don’t have an addictive personality that I’m aware of. But Vistaril doesn’t work.
I smoke a lot of pot and that helps but where I’m from it’s not really something you can admit. And its something I can get arrested for but it’s also on of the few things that calm me down enough to be rational.
I don’t know how to make friends. I don’t know how any one could put up with me. But I don’t have anyone to talk to.
I know I am being irrational. But right now everything feels real.
What am I suppose to do? I just want it to go away.
I feel like I am being ridiculous.
How did this happen? I haven’t always been like this... anxious, yes. I’ve always been a nervous person. But I was brave. And now I’m afraid of everyone and everything.
I’m not really looking for answers. I just needed to say it. I don’t want to hate my life. I want to be better. I have to get better. This can’t be the rest of my life.
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self.bipolar
|
I don't want to die, but I feel that suicide is the only option for me My problems probably pale in comparison to some of the people who post here, but I've gone blind 4 years ago and am having a really hard time dealing with the situation.
I used to code as both a hobby and a profession, but coding blind feels like playing piano with drum sticks and isn't an escape to me anymore, and it bothers me that I have nothing entertaining to do all day.
I'm not clinically depressed and am not struggling emotionally, I just feel that life has nothing good left for me and thus have been considering ending it, but even committing suicide is much harder when you are blind...
I don't even know why I make these posts; it feels like I need society's approval for committing suicide. I guess I'm just waiting for someone to tell me that my situation is bad enough to justify committing suicide.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I just don't feel ok, ever I'm always tired, I'm always sad, I'm a fat mess who'll never be happy, I just don't know why I should bother to keep going at this point
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’m confused Why do I do the things I do? I get jealous and upset over nothing!!! And then I get upset and cry some because ya know that’s just normal nowadays.
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self.depression
|
Thinking of leaving... I have had a horrible time in my life. I want to go really bad, but I have a few people who I don't want hurt. The thing is, I have a lot of people who I want to feel pain from me doing a TBC... I don't have a reliable method available to me, so I am also worried of getting put on suicide watch, which would make it so that I would certainly kill myself as soon as I left. I don't have reasons that are good enough for not killing myself, while I have really good reasons for why I should.
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self.depression
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I hate myself and I am not joking when I say I don't have any interest in being alive. Just this. I hate myself, I hate my life and I think a lot about killing myself. Most people think I'm just joking about this but it's true. I can't stand my family and can't stand the fact that I don't even have the will to start putting my life together again, feels like I'm in a void.
I've been seeking help, but so far, none of the psychiatrists that I went seemed to help, I'm afraid It's all nonsense.
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self.offmychest
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Something more... Give me a real reason to not jump off of my roof right now. Not looking for some corny bullshit like your family and friends care and they’d be oh so sad. I’m looking for something deep and profound something j haven’t heard before I’m really just looking for one last chance to have hope because if I can’t get inspired about life and humanity, if I can’t even get a glimmer of hope than tonight may be my last. Good luck trying to convince me or trying to give life a new meaning for me I’m pretty far gone but take ur best shot lord knows I have nothing to lose.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Can just Lithium be enough to handle bipolar disorder? Seen many people using multiple meds, now I havent actually heard of someone using ONLY Lithium. Why? Are here people who use only one single med?
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self.bipolar
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“Getting over it” vs. removing a source of anxiety [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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So now that i'm feeling back to how i used to before my major attack i'm worried [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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FEARLESS FRIDAYS MEGA THREAD. Here we discuss embarrassing stories, funny stories, WTF stories, and everything in between. Need to get something off your chest? Here's the place to do it. Not yet diagnosed and want to ask a question? Feel free to do it here. Pretty much anything goes in Fearless Fridays
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self.bipolar
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My life is officially over... Please,please,please,please read this wall of text.
I fucked up big time this time.I lost my job because of some damage that I have done there and I heard that I must pay for it.I will be taken to court and I need to pay over 10.000 dollars.FUCK!!
Not even my house (on my father name) doesn't cost this much and my salary is 410 dollars.
I can't let my family pay for my mistakes.I know that my brother will be destroyed when he finds out I killed myself,but there is no other option.The last six years of my life are filled with regrets.I am a self hating monster.You can check my posts history to see what I really am.I am not killing myself,I am just taking out the trash.Tomorrow at this time I will hang myself .I tried to kill myself a few weeks ago ,but my ex girlfriend and a cousin scraped my plans.They only delayed them.It needs to end by tomorrow.I am sorry...
**UPDATE:** Today,Wednesday,November 29,2017 I wanted to kill myself.As I put everything in order and prepared to hang myself at an abandoned factory I saw my brother .He was supposed to come in weekend ,like every week.I found that he was too fired from work (we worked at the same place,he was working only on weekends part time).So when he learned that we are now both jobless he accepted the news and was a bit upset.I was so fucking relieved.I thought I disappointed him that I had no use for anyone.My emotions are numbed,I feel pretty apathetic,but I am not suicidal anymore,at least for a time...
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self.depression
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Any Lawyers/Law students out there? I am in college and prelaw and I am taking the LSAT in Feb. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through the LSAT and law school while bipolar. college has been very hard with being diagnosed as bipolar but I am really trying to stay on my path to my future.
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self.bipolar
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Is it possible to pay someone to kill you? Pretty much sums it up. Or, I've been thinking a lot about hanging myself. Thing is, I like life. It's great. But I'm good. I've seen enough. I've never tied a noose, but I'll YouTube and practice. I've got time, days, months. I'm not in a real rush.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Want to stay single forever I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit, if anyone knows where i should post this to, please let me know. Anyways, i (20f) feel like i should stay single until i die because i just can't love myself and what more another human being. I'm afraid my children will be the same as me and I don't want to burden them. I don't have high self esteem so I don't see myself dating another guy. I'm planning to focus on my career if possible and continue on with further studies in the future. Honestly my future is still foggy so it doesn't help with my situation anyway. I think being in a relationship is very torturing and i have to sacrifice for the other, which again is troublesome. I just want to live a simple life independently. Live alone in a nice flat and just doing my own stuff. DAE feel the same?
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self.depression
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I hate how people use male rape victims to push their hateful agendas I'm a female rape victim, so it isn't directly about me but it still really annoys me. Its extremely common on reddit and it just makes me want to avoid reading up on the subject when its posted, since I know people will be pushing anti-feminist, red pill etc agendas. As if feminists aren't fighting for male rape victims, as if we aren't trying to destroy the gender roles that keep men from coming forward for it. As if most male rape organizations/centres aren't supported or even founded by feminists..........
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self.offmychest
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Out of all the sub-reddits this one is my favorite I relate to and understand almost everything posted here.
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self.depression
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Off my meds Doctor won't refill my prescription of celexa until our appointment after thanksgiving. Been on it for two months. Anything I should expect or am I worried over nothing?
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self.depression
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If I'm being honest I think you were a selfish POS to end your life. I hope it was excruciatingly painful. I'm glad you didn't leave a note because no reason you could have had would make sense and I would not want to hear it. We are going to be just fine without you.
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self.offmychest
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Individualism provides no real meaning No tribe to provide for
No nation to defend in war
No religion to adhere to
No family farm to take over
No family to care of when they get older
I'm not claiming these are optimal scenarios but at least they provided meaning to people through hundreds of thousands of years. What do we even have today that can provide that feeling?
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self.depression
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Bouncing off the walls to sleeping all day Rapid cycling sucks a lot. It's hard to keep one thought in my mind, half baked ideas. I've gotten out of bed today only to eat and use the bathroom. Took my bedtime meds 2 hours early because I just want today to end.
Was so happy my ex texted me yesterday, and today has been full of "what if's". I always get so emotional when the "what if's" come.
I love this subreddit. It lets me get things I'm too embarrassed to say to people I know off my chest, and get helpful responses. Love you guys <3
Edit: self sabotaged myself. I knew that if we were to see each other, it would be on the weekend, so I took all my remaining klonopin, and some old hydrocodones. I'm fine, but I won't be Friday from the withdrawl..
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self.bipolar
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What do you do when your parents don’t even want you? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I think I'll do it tomorrow I'm tired of having these thoughts and feelings inside my head. I shouldn't be thinking them. I love her to pieces, but all I wanna do is go to her house and scream at her for making me think like this. I wanna tell her exactly how I feel, but I know that if I do she'll never come back to me. If she does come back, I'll get rid of them, I'll forgive her.
It fucking kills knowing she's having fun with her new boyfriend whilst I'm fucking miserable. I know she thinks about me, so why can't she just be honest with herself and stop ignoring me.
I can't live like this anymore. I hate sitting here in the dark waiting for the phone to ring and her voice telling me the words I so long to hear. I can't do it. One more day isn't good enough now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I wish someone had taught me more about special needs children growing up I never made fun of them. I knew better than that and most definitely would’ve gotten my butt whooped. But I didn’t hang out or try to get to know any of them either. They made me feel super uncomfortable and they were honestly kinda weird. It wasn’t all that long ago that I would look upon special needs kids with pity. And would feel even worse for their parents and caretakers. “Ugh I couldn’t imagine living like that,” I would think to myself.
Then seven months ago, my three year old was diagnosed with autism, and my view on all that changed. My husband and I joined a local special needs support group. I learned very quickly that my views were all wrong.
Those parents I used to pity are actually some of the strongest people I’ve ever met. Their children are incredibly sweet. I’ve learned to celebrate milestones, not wallow in the disability. Eating without a feeding tube. Breathing without a trach. Being able to walk without leg braces. A nonverbal counting to ten. Finally being potty trained.
I’ve gotten the looks. I’ve been judged for my parenting methods. I’ve been told that if I just do things differently, my kid will “get better”. I’ve gotten the talk from members of my own family and it’s made me realize that you can’t make people understand.
Those kids I used to avoid as a child weren’t weird. They were just different. And they weren’t any less of a person than I. If someone had just explained that to me back then, I think I would’ve been a far better person for it.
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self.offmychest
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Does anyone else have anxiety that comes and goes for seemingly no reason?
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self.Anxiety
|
Confused Hi!
I was diagnosed BP2 about two years ago after a big burn out and some very intense episodes.
I have been on meds since then - my question is :
- are the meds still helping or making me worse?
- do I need them? could I live without them?
- my psych agreed to get me off the mood stabilizers because I felt fine and didn't think I needed them (mind you is not 100% convinced of the diagnosis) and everything became hell. I felt suicidal, angry and irritable. Drove too fast, and was taking on a million projects even though I knew I couldn't humanely do it all. Ask to be put back on again...slowly going up in dosage and feeling awful.
- I feel numb. I want to cry but can't. I am not myself : I forget everything, I can't find my words, have to dig really deep to do normal things like taking a shower, making supper, etc...I get to work and can't really focus.
I feel out of touch with reality - detached. My boyfriend can tell (he is aware of my illnesses - we've been together for a long time) and I have a feeling that my co-workers do too. They talk to me and I see them talking, hear them but can't process right away.
I am slow, somewhat withdrawn and wish I could just be alone. And not have to deal with the world. It sucks having to make decisions. I feel misunderstood by my boyfriend who says he understands that the meds make me tired but I feel that he resents me for not waking up early enough in the am. He doesn't realize how much strength, energy and will-power it takes me to even get up to pee. Let alone look presentable or have breakfast.
- what if the meds are causing all this?
- can you recover from bipolar? In the sense that it was always there but after my big burn out (that I call accident for some reason) it took over my life.
- I am sick of not being normal. I want to be normal.
- Why is it that with antidepressants, anti-anxiety and mood stabilizer meds I am still a mess. It is not as bad as when I stayed at the hospital but still.
I have general anxiety, social anxiety, eating disorder, seasonal depression and bipolar ||.
Can I live a normal life? Normal = I mean stable, peaceful life. Do I have to take meds to achieve this? If so, why are the meds I am taking not helping me enough?
Do I make any sense?
Thank you...
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self.bipolar
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Passive suicide. I’m not in any danger of doing anything. I don’t require any help. I just needed somewhere to put this.
It’s always passive. I seldom want to pull the trigger myself, but I fantasize about being killed a lot. Maybe getting nuked. Maybe getting into a car crash. That’s it really. Just wanted to get it off my chest. If you read this, thanks for listening.
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self.SuicideWatch
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You hit me For advocating for someone...for asking you to seek justice without gloating. I’m literally devastated.
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self.offmychest
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I want so badly to live a good life. I used to have pretty bad OCD as a kid and what remains of it is a compulsion towards superstitious/magical thinking. For example, wishing at 11:11, or wishing on stars, sometimes even praying despite being nonreligious. And every time my wish is the same: please, please, whoever's listening, please let me feel good. Please make things OK again.
Because I feel so deeply that I cannot help myself, I have to ask the universe or God or whatever. I'm becoming numb to the same old advice: exercise, talk to friends, read a book. I've done these things before and in the end I still end up heartbroken, crying into three beers a night, telling myself it will be OK in the morning when I know for a fact it won't. Things keep happening that make me feel so worthless. I really don't think I can make myself feel good anymore. And that's what people keep saying to me, I have to *love myself,* but how can I? I look back on the past five years of my life and see a buildup of failure and rejection and dwindling performance in every aspect of my life.
It's not even that I hate myself, to be honest. I think I deserve a good life, and I deserve happiness. I make active decisions not to hurt people, and active decisions to help them, too. I believe I am, for the most part, a good person. And that's where it really hurts. I have tried very hard to be this person, and it hasn't taken me anywhere. Every year seems like a new low, a new disappointment, a new blow to my motivation. I tell myself "it can't get worse than this," and inevitably, it does.
I don't want to get any lower. I want to live the life I think I deserve. Is there any advice anyone can give me? I have so much sadness, anger, and nihilism to sift through, but I want to do it, because I want to feel good again. I just don't even know where to start.
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self.depression
|
Everything hurts I haven’t spoken today
My chest is killing me. My head is pounding. I can’t smile. When I move it’s like I’m floating. Or I’m so numb I can’t feel my feet. I’m in physical pain. I can’t get over this pain. Nothing helps. Nothing ever does. I just want to be happy for Gods sake let me be happy again
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self.depression
|
How to help a friend Hey r/Anxiety
So one of my best friends deals with a lot of Anxiety and she's always sick because of it. I was wondering if you guys can give me tips or suggestions or things to say for me so that I can help my friend. Any feedback is appreciated!
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self.Anxiety
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How do you make everything okay again? I'm tired, you're tired. We should rest forever.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Remember kids: Respect your elders It doesn’t matter if what they’re doing is wrong, inneficient, and overall inconvenient for everyone else around them. They are older and therefore deserve everyone to accept everything they do without question! They are older than you and you shouldn’t question them!
“Ohhhh they’re stuck in their ways. Just let them be” I’m stuck in my ways. You don’t see me using it as a fucking excuse! Elders are people too and if you call younger people and other people your age out on their shit why can’t you do the same to elders?
It doesn’t matter if you’re eight years old or 80; if you do something stupid, it should be acknowledged. Being old shouldn’t be a license for people to accept everything you do and say because you reached an arbitrary point in your life when everything you do is acceptable
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self.offmychest
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Failing out of college due to anxiety and depression. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I just passed thermodynamics I took the final test, slayed it, and managed to pass with a C. This semester has been unimaginably stressful, and I've made a lot of mistakes, but I'm happy i could salvage something from it. Just need to do the same thing with statistics, and I'll be golden. A month ago, i was certain I was going to fail and be forced to change majors. But here I am, still chugging along. I can't believe I am where I am today, at a major university doing real, meaningful work. I'm so happy.
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self.offmychest
|
This is new for me - intense tremors AFTER panic attack? So at this point in my battle with anxiety, I don't really have daytime issues besides occasional GAD on silly things -- but nighttime is still really rough. Because of bad acid reflux, I constantly have panic attacks in the middle of the night that destroy my sleep schedule.
Now the probem is, the last 3 nights things have been...different.
After my panic attack, when my HR has dropped down and I'm mentally cognizant and calm, I suddenly start having extremely strong shakes for up to 30 FREAKIN minutes afterwards.
Bear in mind, I have mild shakes during the actual panic attack -- but this is on a scale much much worse. Chattering teeth, shaking hands, shaking legs, feeling like I can't get warm -- it's awful.
My preliminary research just found that it's probably just a combination of dopamine taking it's time to get out and the initial shaking causing my body temp to rise, only to exposed to the cold Winter air, making the shakes happen.
But no amount of blankets, heat, and hot water does anything until the shaking stops.
I'm planning on getting blood work done soon, but has anyone else had this issue? It's just weird to me for it to start happening out of nowhere :|
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self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone struggle with/ without coffee? I have now been off coffee for a few months now to help my anxiety; however, I wanted to know... in many ways the anxiety has calmed a bit (it hasn't completely subsided) but without it, I feel a bit flat/down. Does anyone struggle with this, it's almost like I feel happier with coffee but risk getting anxious vs being calm but somewhat down without it. Really struggling to see what I would rather! Sucks!!
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self.Anxiety
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The Path To Healing Hi there, my name is Colin and I invite you to read and share your experiences with bipolar disorder in a safe and inclusive online community. I will be sharing links to helpful resources, literature, and practical ways to heal your mind and body while in recovery. I remind you that I was once debilitated by addiction and bipolar disorder. I would like to help others achieve the same successful recovery that I have experienced. Thank you.
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self.bipolar
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My boyfriend called me the "b word" And I'm still upset about it.
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety about the Future So my gf of 3 years and I have recently parted ways. She doesn't want to see other people and neither do I but neither of us is mentally healthy enough to be in relationships right now. I suffer from Bipolar disorder with sever mania and depression/anxiety. My life has kinda gotten turned upside down(moving home, no job, no serious friends) and I'm beginning to feel empty. My anxiety about the future i.e. will I ever find someone/will I end up alone/ figure out my purpose in life. How do you guys fight this overall existential dread about life?
I understand being fresh out of college and young, I'm 22, can be a very difficult and formative time in a persons life but when I think of everything waiting in front of me I get so overwhelmed I can't help but simply shut down.
Any advice would be amazing, I have so much to get done and to work on I need any help I can get and Reddit has been a big help in the past
Sorry for such a long post, I'm just lost
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self.Anxiety
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Physically sick, can't sleep and my head is going crazy right now because of a presentation I have to do tomorrow morning. All the work is done, the slides and everything but my teacher isn't letting us use scripts and I've never presented without scripts before. I get so much anxiety when I look up and see my whole class staring at me. I feel like I'm gonna blank out and just stand there clueless. I'm so fucking scared. I can't sleep, it's the only thing I've been thinking about the whole weekend. I practiced my whole part in front of a mirror and aced it but I know I'm gonna blank out when it comes to present in front of the class.
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self.Anxiety
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How do date with anxiety? How do you all deal with dating ? I find it very hard. I get easily attached and so anxious about if they like me or not. I think I already scared a guy off that I really liked after the second date.
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self.Anxiety
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The irony of anxiety. My life right now is going great. I'm in my career of choice as a tattoo artist, I just made nearly $400 hardly doing anything, I have a wonderful boyfriend and super cute dog, and it's two days before Christmas. So why am I having a depressive episode NOW?! Why, after all these things going right, am I sobbing as I do the dishes.
I think the only reason for my success is because of my mental illness. I have been so scared of failure my entire life that every second I'm awake I'm working to make sure that doesn't happen. And honestly, I'm exhausted. I'm so tired of trying so hard. Of trying to be perfect. But I know this fear is all I have, the only reason I've succeeded. Some say I'm driven, I say I'm just crazy.
I just want to relax. I just want to take just a day to calm down. I can't, though. Because the second I do anything that isn't productive, I fail. I'll slip back into my old ways of staying in my room for months on end, my life will crumble beneath me, and I'll have to try and pick up the mess I made.
The irony of it all is devastating.
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self.Anxiety
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I don't think I am depressed but I don't really have any goals or dreams. How did you find out things you like to do?
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self.Anxiety
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I accused people of raping me who never touched me [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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A year ago today, I tried to commit suicide. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Spending NYE alone and feeling a bit sorry for myself. NYE has never really been a good time for me. I recognize I’m probably putting it on a pedestal that it doesn’t deserve to be on and should treat it like any normal day, but I guess now it comes with baggage.
When I was in my teens, my parents wouldn’t let me see the fireworks in the city with my friends because they were afraid something would happen to me (they were just looking out for me, I suppose). By the time I was old enough for them to loosen up, my friends had lost the novelty of camping out hours to see some exploding lights.
The last two years, my then-boyfriend used special occasions to antagonize me. He would “forget” birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s even when I would give him gifts and drop hints of what I wanted. I don’t want to be materialistic but gifts and special occasions are important to me, I guess. He intentionally bailed on NYE plans with me one year to spite me into breaking up with him. I should have had the self-respect to leave him much earlier.
The guy I’m seeing now is in another state for the holidays, a 3 hour drive away. I don’t expect him to make the drive just to soften my petty NYE-related complaints. I certainly don’t have the money or time to drive to visit him, especially when I did it spontaneously just before Christmas because I missed him. Besides, I wouldn’t want to impose on him catching up with his friends and family again.
The majority of my friends and family are overseas or out of state. I’m stupidly envious of them right now - I’d love to get away from home right now. The others I’ve asked have their own partners to tend to on NYE.
I guess it’s a stupid problem - not even a problem at all. I’m debating going by myself to a club or to see fireworks by myself but without someone special, I think the holiday is just bringing up bad memories of me alone in bed when the clock turns, feeling sorry for myself.
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self.offmychest
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It Helped I felt helpless and i needed to talk out loud. I couldnt just talk to the wall. I decided to start doing videos and talking my thoughts out. Just reason, just think just sort through my thoughts. Watch it. See how I look and what I'm saying. It kinda helps with insecurities. You're forced to look at yourself and look at what things make you insecure. Like when I talk one side of my face is more expressive.
But with the videos I can be like Hey this is me. this is what I look like. Kinda accepting yourself in a way. Also reasoning. i use the camera as a therapist and just talk because sometimes i just want to talk but be heard.
idk if this sounds too weird. it's been helping me a lot.
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self.bipolar
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I feel like everyone needs me around, but no one wants me around. Does that make sense? Like no one wants to see me fail or die or hurt or anything, but they also don't want me to succeed or live or thrive because it means I won't be as available to them when they need things from me. Everyone is looking at me to stagnate so that I'm a constant in their lives that they can depend on, but no one wants to give me any sort of the dependability they're counting on me to provide.
It's fucking maddening. No matter the context of the relationship, I end up stuck between outright rejection and true acceptance and I'm supposed to just take "Hey it could be worse, they could hate your guts" as the best my sorry ass can get for an acceptable level of interaction in social, professional, and romantic situations. I'm always just on the outside of the circle, hoping someone shuffles over a little to let me in for real as part of their community, but it never happens. Everyone's more comfortable with me outside in line waiting for the bouncer to take pity on me while they're all partying in the club.
I have zero hope that anything is going to change for me because no matter how I struggle and fight and claw and gnash and try to push forward to make things better, the people around me are calling me selfish while at the same time trying to keep me in the same day-to-day emotional and physical slog that has me crying in the shower and asking why I can't just die right then and there every single morning.
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self.depression
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Pills and counseling won’t work I’ve tried antidepressants and counseling
I’m just a shit person
I’m not meant to get what I want, only what I need
I’m supposed to live to work, eat, sleep, and over and over again
I’ve tried to make things happen but I fail
I’m unattractive, I’ve lost the people I loved, I’ve tried so hard
These people wanna tell me there’s always someone there
But that’s not the case, they care but they just don’t want your death on their hands
I get it, they have their troubles too
But why do I have to keep getting new issues everyday?
Why can’t I just say “it’ll be ok”? Instead of “what’s next?”
I’m tired and I’m fucking sick of it all
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self.SuicideWatch
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I dont know whats wrong with me I just moved to my first single apartment in San Francisco this semester for school and I've never felt more alone. Especially after being dumped by my longtime girlfriend two months ago, who recently told me she slept with someone else a week after we dated and is already and in a new relationship. I have big group of high school friends who live in the city as well but they're busy with work or in loving relationships to be hanging out with me all the time. I love socializing and wish i wasn't by myself all the time. Everyday i wake up sad and cant find joy in anything anymore. I don't know whats wrong with me. i miss being in a relationship where someone would always make time for me but i'm just so alone all the time. I also don't know where to start at all with meeting a new girl. I just feel ugly,too awkward, and hate myself too much to ever find someone out there for me. I even lost a bunch of weight (60lbs) and started hitting the gym and that hasn't helped my confidence or made me feel better about myself or happy. I just hate everything,i just hate being alive, ive already had a lot of doctors and psychologist tell me i just have depression, but all they want to do is prescribe me medication (i've been on them all) which makes me feel more awkward and makes me feel worse about myself. Ive lost motivation to eat, to do things that i used to enjoy, study in school, workout,etc. All i do is stay in bed all the time. I wish i was just passionate about things.
I just wanna feel better.
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self.depression
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I don't want to be here I'm sitting in the doctors reception waiting to see my GP to tell her my meds haven't been working and I self harmed for the first time in 2 months last night. I've never been more nervous.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel like I was born inferior to other people I have ADD and HFA, and I constantly worry about my future and my own mental capacity. I feel like I was cursed to live a lesser life than other people.
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self.Anxiety
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How can I help my sister? My older sister has struggled since middle school. She's been hospitalized before, she's seen a psychiatrist for years, she been trying her hardest. She's been going to college, and has had a tough time with her medication. She decided she needed more help last night, so she checked herself into the hospital.
I know the drill, the phone calls, not being able to see her. But I don't know what I can do to help her.
I have autism, and I'm just a teenager. I feel like I'm always interacting with her wrong. I want to make her feel better, but I feel helpless to do anything. When she's home, no matter what I do, I always seem to upset her.
I was hoping y'all could give me some resources and advice to do what I can for her, or maybe tell me where I'm going wrong. The normal drill for when she comes home;
1) I make her breakfast, usually fresh toast or pancakes, and I try to make small talk while eating.
2) I invite her to do a activity with me, for example last time she was here I asked if she would like to carve a pumpkin with me for Halloween.
3) I offer to help her with whatever she needs. She's in a sorority so I try to help her with crafts for those things.
4) Whenever she leaves, I make sure to try to send her with food of some sort, like banana bread or homemade bread of some kind.
When she has a panic attack;
1) I try to get her a blanket and a stuffed animal.
2)I get her something to drink, whether it be water or hot coco so she can take her meds to help calm her down.
3)Sit with her if she's alone, or let my parents help because at this point she doesn't want me there anymore.
I really could use some advice about this. I don't know where I'm going wrong. I just want to help my big sister and I feel like I mess everything up. If y'all could give links, or advice, maybe even a book I can ask my parents to get for me, is be so grateful.
I wish y'all the best.
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self.bipolar
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I don't want to kill myself but keep getting closer I am not currently suicidal. I really don't want to kill myself. But I have bad moments and when I do I just spiral and I'm scared that next time, in a bad moment, I'll go through with it. The other night I went onto the rooftops at school to see which ones were locked or had things around them, so I could choose one to jump from.
Can I call my school crisis line ? Today I feel better and don't want to die but I'm scared I will do something stupid when I'm feeling down.
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self.SuicideWatch
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After all, I still want to die and I'm afraid there's no fix for me When I was a kid (4 or 5) my parents told me they tried to abort me and that they never wanted another son. I don't know why they did it, but they did. I think that stayed with me my whole life, the feeling that I should not have been born. I think this is the reason for all this feeling of alienation, self-hatred and recurrent suicidal thoughts. But I don't know how to deal with it.
I had a strange childhood, parents were sick, had to take care of them, one died, never had time for adolescence until I left around 19. Lived in different countries, studying and working at cool but stressful places. Now I have a well paying job, where I get to show off technical trendy stuff, many friendships, hobbies, act mostly healthily, etc. All the therapists I spoke to keep asking me why I am sad, when apparently I am talented and smart, which makes me feel pathetic, because I could probably amount to something good, if only I didn't keep wanting to die.
I started medication yet again, after some stupid behaviour of drinking a lot and eating a lot of sleeping pills. It wasn't a suicide attempt because I knew I was not going to die. Puked everywhere, felt terrible, etc. I don't know why I did it. Part of my brain tells me I am doing these things for attention, but only two people in this world know about these suicidal thoughts. For everyone, I am a cheerful person.
I feel sad about the parent I have left, if I were to die, they would be destroyed. This person partially relies on me which makes me feel even worse. But I am scared of the parts of myself I don't control well. I read that around 70% of people who decided to commit suicide act very spontaneously (1 hour between making the decision to kill themselves to the attempt)[can provide reference if anyone is interested...]. That percentage is probably lower when including those who manage to actually die. I recently understood that soon I will have the chance to die and make it seem like it's an accident, and this thought keeps popping up.
I don't know what to do and how to stop these thoughts. My question is, I am 26 and I can't remember a time I was not suicidal. Sometimes I think these thoughts helped me get where I am, but nowadays, I just feel super sad all the time. For those who have been here, will this ever get better, am I just postponing the inevitable? Do I need to get some real problems to stop being so selfish and self centered? Do lots of weed? Go on a massive drug bender in Mexico? All thoughts are appreciated.
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self.offmychest
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*RANT* So Mad! The psychiatrist at the hospital diagnosed me with BPD, PTSD, & Conversion Disorder! She kept bipolar I, at least, but added all of those! I had PTSD, but I successfully cured it. I DO NOT and have NEVER HAD Borderline Personality Disorder nor Conversion Disorder. BPD takes years to diagnosis, and I knew her 5 freaking days. She doesn’t know me well enough. It’s the whole “your mom had BPD so you must have it too” thing again. Sigh. And Conversion Disorder IS. NOT. REAL.
But now if that leaks out onto my medical records I’m screwed at trying to find out what my neurological disorder is, they’ll take one look and think I’m either faking or crazy.
She thinks it’s complicated grief about my mother’s death. Like, no, when I say I don’t care because I didn’t love her, that’s the ugly truth. Would I really fess up to something so awful just to hide my what would be completely understandable grief?
Smh. This better not get out anywhere. Doctors won’t do a damn thing for me if it does.
I’m just really hurt, man. How can someone put that there for the rest of their lives? Someone you barely knew? It’s kind of fucked up...
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self.bipolar
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It feels like all the walls around me are coming down on top of me I'm in a mountain of debt, a little over 10k in credit cards and added to that a car payment that is just too high for me. My mother is what I would define as a narcissist parent, and my stepfather at this point feels like an enabler. I recognize that by me living with them it doesn't help me mentally, but what can I do? My real father has never been there for me, I've ran to him countless of times complaining of my situation and every time he would say things like "yeah I know" "that's how she is" "you can't change her" which I more than accept but goddamnit I'm your only son and that's all you offer me? How about a helping hand, fucking something. I'll stop now to keep from rambling, in short I guess I'd have to say that I feel trapped in a shit situation with no help or support in sight.
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self.depression
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16 year old, severely depressed, just completely failed an exam yesterday. Can’t see myself anywhere good in the future. Wish I could kill myself. [deleted]
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self.depression
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today is my 18th birthday ive come a long way. im still not where i want to be in life. ive been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. my parents are still negligent and strict. i have no job and no money and an unpredictable future. ive been depressed for 5 years. 18 felt like an impossible milestone.
but i made it.
and im recovering.
and im surviving. for the first time i dont feel x years old, i feel alive.
im a survivor and things are looking better.
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self.offmychest
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I feel like I can't trust anybody these days Its like I'm constantly looking over my shoulder waiting for someone to stab me in the back. I just can't trust people.
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self.depression
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Head's running Hot, Need to Vent. Throwaway account. I don't want people to know that I'm just a bag of insecurities, nor do I want people to think I am merely trying to garner pity.
My delusions and paranoia largely manifest themselves into projecting my insecurities upon other people. Right now, since I am massively 'Depressed,' that paranoia becomes a belief that all of my coworkers and "friends" are only tolerating my presence due to pity. When I am Manic, it tends to manifest itself as "people are afraid of me, and only tolerate my presence due to the fear of what would happen if they stopped." Right now, I am massively Depressed.
I consider my past actions as cringeworthy, when it comes to relations with women. I was the "nice guy," or I had manic episodes, in which I would make an ass of myself. For example, I would message someone normally, asking how their day was. If I didn't get a response in what my paranoid mind considered "timely," I'd wig out and spam apologies for bothering them, and descend quickly into the "what did I do to deserve being hated" mindset.
I would make awkward moves, or ask people out at inappropriate times - basically the stuff on r/sadcringe, I guess. I never crossed lines, but I was definitely weird. When I get depressed, I tend to remember everything awkward I have ever done - hence the feeling that people are only friends with me out of pity.
In my head, everyone knows how much of an awkward sperg I was, and am. And no matter how hard I try to change, I have this feeling that people will always see me as a mongoloid, autistic moron. There's no point in getting better, or trying, because people will always see me as the same person. I cannot escape this trap of my own design. I try to apologize to people, but they tell me it's not an issue, or they don't seem to understand what I am apologizing for - which I have a hard time believing. Maybe that's proof that I am less of an idiot than I believe myself to be, or perhaps that's more evidence that people pity
I'm sorry if this is all a jumble. I just am feeling horrible and needed to write this.
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self.bipolar
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Depression, anxiety, and shakiness flaring up I'll be seeing my GP in 2 days, he's been the only one treating my symptoms. I've been on Wellbutrin for ~3 years and Lexipro for ~1.5 years. For the past 4-5 weeks my depression and anxiety have flared up big time. Shakiness is a big symptom right now.
I don't expect you guys to have all the answers, I'd just like to know if anyone has had a similar experience and found something that worked so I can have ideas to discuss with my gp. I know it would be ideal for me to speak with a specialist, but it will be several months before I will be able to do that. TIA
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self.Anxiety
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I can’t find any joy in life rn I’m an 18 male. College freshman. I now hate my job, and am drowning in 3 classes of school work. The 1 day a week I look forward to is struggling thru Wednesday’s so I can go to youth group on Wednesday nights. I hate my life, so much that I conceal my emotions so well but broke down at least twice in the last 24 hours. I have no legitimate friends that want to try and hang out with me. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I try not to think suicide anymore; it’s just a cheat out of life
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self.depression
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