text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
I'm tired of being dependent on my dad I'm 27F, and I live with my dad and work the job at his merchandising company that he got for me. I hate my job because it offers no challenge or reward, but I can't be accepted by other people, which is why I got into this situation in the first place. I have a worthless degree that gets a laugh whenever I tell people about it. I was stupid and I'm feeling the consequences.
I spend several hours at the library looking for solutions every night and then cry myself to sleep wanting to die.
This is not a sexist/control thing. Everything wrong with my life is entirely my own fault. I'm just a burden on my dad, and every night I hold a bottle of pills wanting to just end it. He'd be relieved to not have to deal with me anymore.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
The only way I’ll ever find peace, is death. Its my only choice. Its the only option I have to find peace. Fuck happiness. Happiness is a myth. It doesn’t exist. There is no point in chasing it because its a fallacy.
I just want peace. I want all my misery and pain to end. I’ve tried everything else, all in vain. The only thing that can save me now is death.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
So depressed I can't take a shower without crying Recently I haven't been able to take a shower. Something about the warm comfortable water and being alone the entire time triggers bad thinking and overthinking and stuff like that. It's gotten so bad I've avoided taking showers altogether because it just triggers me so much. For example last Friday I took a shower, I waited until Wednesday to take another, haven't taken one since then. It's getting a little out of hand to the point where people have reported me to the councilors and social workers for hygiene problems and smelling bad and of course it's not embarrassing for me at all because I'm so depressed I can't even fathom to care about being reported for something so small. Anyone else out there have the same issue? It's a bit crazy. The thoughts are triggered at night, the shower, anywhere honestly. I could be talking to someone and it'll happen. It's a lil crazy.
|
self.depression
|
Just a random realization Its been years with so much stuff, cutting and pain etc.
But i still dont know why i originally wanted to die, i didn't have anything wrong in my life back then. Everything was actually getting better.
Now i have reasons, problems and so on.
Why did i want to die?
___________________________________
Was it just me being a fucking pussy ass edgy fucker? Or was it something else?
I've lost so much time, ive suffered so much and i dont even know why.
I might kill myself or someone and i dont have a reason for why im thinking about this kind of shit.
Goodnight.
|
self.depression
|
Choked up despite still feeling apathetic I dont really understand, when talking to my counsellor i started tearing and choking up at some point but i wasnt feeling sad or anything i still felt apathetic?? Is this some kind of defense mechanism or smth
|
self.depression
|
Expectations Other engineers in my field: You are talented, you are worth more despite occasionally having to take time off for episodes than a mediocre engineer.
My parents (not engineers): the moment they (specifically a large well know tech company, generally any employer ever) catch wind that you need STD/accomodations they will find an excuse to fire you.
I think I'll trust the engineers on this one. I don't doubt some companies are shitty but that doesn't mean I'm worthless and not cut out for my career.
|
self.bipolar
|
Unease has taken over I feel depressed but in a weird way. More of an impending doom kind of way like the worlds about to end. And I obviously know thats not true but I still feel like something is very very wrong.
This started when I talked to a friend of mine and nothing really happened during the call. We just talked about absolutely nothing like we used to just joking around. But when we hung up I felt incredibly alone. Even the warmest voices never reach me and that makes me want to cry.
|
self.depression
|
Help with Zoloft dizziness Hey guys,
I got given Zoloft this week by my Dr to help with my anxiety and I’m on day 3 but I’m really dizzy. Any ideas for helping get through these first few weeks of side effects until it’s well into my system? Seems dizziness is the worst
Thanks!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Fantastic Positive News! Hello my /r/bipolar family. I say family because I genuinely feel so close to all of you. This community is so positive and lovely and I am so grateful for everyone here.
A week ago, I posted a piece about an episode where I cheated on the love of my life. You can read all about it [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/7w2edh/cheated_on_boyfriend_while_manic_he_saw_a_video_i/dtx2siq/?context=3) if you'd like. That was just one of my many many bad episodes. Today, I took the first step in to doing something amazing for the mental health community and I couldn't be more proud.
I became a professional mental health advocate/speaker!
It's going to be my job to go to presentations locally to present with one other person and hopefully educate people about mental illness and reduce stigma through our stories.
I'm honestly so happy. I know the job is small and extremely part time and dependent on who books us, but I'm so happy to be going out there and reaching out to people. If I can touch the heart or mind of just one person, I will be elated to no end.
I love you guys! I believe in all of you. Some days are going to be rough, but they will pass. You are all beautiful wonderful people and I believe in you to do wonderful things in life.
|
self.bipolar
|
I broke up with my gf who cheated on me and yet I feel miserable 3 days ago I broke up with my gf. She had cheated on me somewhere around the beginning of August, by the time I was already distrusted that something was up because she was being a bit more distant... when I found out I was left completely heart broken... and when I confronted her with her betrayal she denied and even asked why didn't I trusted her... I didn't because I knew the truth...
Anyway, a few days later after she admitted her guilt, even though I was very hurt with her, I decided to forgive her... I loved her and I was a fool in love...
But actually, the first few weeks were pretty amazing, again. It seemed like we have reached a good turning point for our relationship. Until out of the blue she started acting weird again and start distancing from me. And she continued her friendship with the guy she cheated me with...
Some weird attitudes from her and some tweets made me start thinking on the possibility that she has been cheating on me again... and then, 3 days ago, a mutual friends come to talk with me about her.
He said that 2 weeks before, on a anniversary of another friend that they both knew, when she was a bit drunk they started talking and she said to him that she didn't like me, she liked the other guy... she even showed him a photo of they two together in a bed...
This mutual friend was a bit worried and didn't know at first if he should tell me but he did, and thankfully he did.
After knowing this, I decided to break up with her. And I hope I made the right decision. But this days have been so hard... I still love her... even after all this... and my head just keeps thinking that I don't have any actual proof that she did cheated on me, even though things point towards that scenario, there's nothing actually saying that it happen... But I know that I cannot go back to her... It's just that I miss her so much. It's so weird, I think I made the right decision, yet I still love her and I feel miserable.
|
self.offmychest
|
Could I get Some Insight? So, I've recently been discharged from being an in-patient, and I haven't got any diagnosis for anything yet and I'm really worried about what's going to happen.
I've been having routine manic episodes nearly happening each night whilst giving me boosts of self confidence then hurling down to depression or vice versa. I gain significant amounts of energy and speak super fast and swallow food faster than I can chew it. I socialized with another patient that had those same symptoms but already been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
I suppose I'm posting this because my doctor hasn't mentioned anything about Bipolar and I really do feel like I should at least have a decent assessment for it. More information is, I'm 15 years old, I constantly think about myself during super energetic episodes and how I possess the power to do anything, but can't find out how to, etc. If you could give me stories on how you were diagnosed or how you first realized your symptoms that would be fantastic.
Current medication:
QUEtiapine: 100mg nightly
stopped taking vyvanse daily: 30mg
|
self.bipolar
|
I have the opposite of Social anxiety People make me feel less anxious, not more.
I have GAD and being around others, particularly people I see as powerful (but not exclusively), makes me feel safe and comforted. This doesn't actually seem strange to me, but I rarely (never) hear anyone else talk about this.
It's a problem. It interferes with my ability to connect with other people. I have had almost zero sustained positive relationships.
Can anyone relate? I haven't spoken with anxiety sufferers who also have this problem.
|
self.Anxiety
|
First time with anxiety My mom passed away a couple days ago. The anxiety just started with this feeling in my stomach, a gnawing feeling like if someone just touched me I'd fall apart. Then yesterday my chest got a little tight nothing crazy.
But I just had a full on attack. I was just sitting quietly watching t.v. I wasn't crying or anything, and my chest started to get so tight I couldnt breathe, I got lightheaded and my heart started pounding.
I had no idea how to deal with it, I've never felt like this before. Its terrifying me. I miss my mother so much and I've never had a major death happen to me. I have no idea how to deal with this. It happened so suddenly and its been 5 days. Still no report from the coroner. She had been sick on and off for years but these last 2 years has been a blessing. At least to me she seemed to be doing good, but she was notorious for not taking care of herself and hiding things when she was sick. I took care of her for years and we were really close. She was my best friend and I have no idea what life looks like with out her. With something like this would happen I would call her. Now I can't and I don't know what to do.
|
self.Anxiety
|
using eMDR for GAD and dissociation Hi there everyone,
I'd really like everyone's opinion with an issue that I’m struggling at the moment. I'm not sure if EMDR is working for me for the environment I'm in or if I'm on track like any other patient.
A little background about me, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder 6 years back due to an incident I had with pot that also dissociated me in the process. I suffered from severe derealization for up to a year and have been subsequently living a life where I still feel the side-effects of it up to this day.
I've been to psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, group therapy, and even hypnotherapy but nothing has seen concrete results that have lasted. I recently started EMDR a month back with a new therapist and have just finished my fifth session. The last two sessions I have felt that the EMDR hasn’t had much of an effect on me as the initial one did. I’m not sure if it’s because I was more repressed in those two sessions following an insanely stressful week, but I also have a concern regarding my therapist and the rapport we have. I have read that the connection between the therapist and the patient is super important and the truth is, after making several fruitless attempts to seek help throughout my life, my trust in professionals have waned. With regards to the therapist I’m seeing now, I feel that she may not genuinely care about me and that at the end of the day, I’m just another number to her that supplements her income. I’m not sure how badly this jeopardizes my treatment and am wondering what your thoughts are to my situation? Am I just overreacting and should give it more time or should I find another therapist?
|
self.Anxiety
|
oh boi i need some help Alright, so this is gonna be pretty long so hang on, my guys. So basically, when my mother was a child, she experienced heavy abuse from her father, my grandfather, and this has given her a lot of problems, however, she has been able to overcome these and become a pilot. My mom and dad (who wasn't abused as a child) have a very happy and stable relationship, and we are considered a high income household. We are also white. Basically, I have all the natural advantages in society besides my gender. So, you're probably thinking, okay OP, so what the hell's the problem? Recently, my therapist diagnosed me as an empath, which makes a lot of sense. I take on the moods of people around me very easily. My mother is very prone to anger and frustration. This is often times directed towards me or my brother, who has autism. This always stresses me out beyond belief because really, I just want everyone to be happy. I don't always get the best grades because I have social problems in school and overall I don't try as hard as I should, but my mom gets so so so mad at me whenever grades come in. It's made me hate school because I always feel like I'm never trying hard enough and I don't have any help. She always tells me I can ask her for help, but whenever I do, she gets frustrated and yells at me because I'm not grasping it as quickly as she thinks I can. I also have problems keeping my room clean, and she always tells me how she would've been beat if her room looked like this and how lucky I am. I often sleep for up to 13 hours on weekends because I just don't want to get up and talk to her. I don't want her to buy me any more things because she always makes me feel indebted to her later on. Christmas often makes me feel like this the most. I just wish that she would understand that I know what she wants from me and that I'm trying really really hard to meet that but I just feel so hopeless whenever I NEED her to just listen to me. She also has no qualms in letting me know how much I cost her and dad, despite that fact that I know she knows that I know how much money she and dad make (spoilers : its a fucking lot) and often, its over things I never even wanted in the first place. I just really really need someone to tell me that they know I'm trying and that what I'm doing is enough but I've never even gotten that from her or dad. I have a very hard time sleeping because whenever I stop drowning myself in fiction, I start thinking about how hopeless everything is and how I don't deserve anything I have. It's gotten really damaging and honestly I just need some help. Please, can someone give me some advice?
|
self.depression
|
It has never gotten better. I'm in my 40s, severely physically and sexually abused as a child, been in therapy and on every med there is for 30 years. Nothing has worked for more than a few months.
I have a crazy stressful job. I have never had a significant relationship. I am estranged from the small family I have. I can count on one hand the friends I have, and they respond to my requests for help with, "Have you talked to your therapist? Do you need your meds changed?"
I give up. I have tried and tried, and I have nothing. There is nothing holding me here. I feel like the universe is pushing me towards killing myself, because I cannot get a moment's peace or support or connection anywhere. I try. I fail. When do I get to give up?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
When net neutrality is gone, I might lose my only social connection: online gaming. [removed]
|
self.depression
|
Like Half Light-hearted and Half I Wanna KMS. I was SUPER anxious today. The whole time, I was just anxious. I'm not even sure how to describe my mood right now, mostly it's down. For some reason a few hours ago it got super high randomly, but before and after that it was low. I was really grumpy after school, literally lying on the couch surrounding myself in pillows being a grumpster. My sis was even like "what's wrong with you today" which is something they usually don't point out. I was being like, energetically depressed. That was my outward mood.
While wallowing in despair being eaten by the couch and like ten pillows, someone spoiled The Last Jedi for me! So that really fuggin' sucked.
I was being super not pleasent after that and I didn't even notice. But my sis was joking around with me, and we starting talking random nerd stuff, and my mood was starting to be brought up a wee bit. I ran and grabbed my Switch and just was playing Breath of the Wild while we were talking.
This part is so dumb. So so so dumb. I was doing side errands in the game I didn't do yet for this save, and I came across a horse I REALLY liked for some reason. This horse was great, and was a badass, and I got a name picked out and everything. I got really really attached to him in the ten minutes I had him...
HE RAN OFF A CLIFF FOR NO REASON. We were doing so good, then he just killed himself. I'm legit upset now. I have two tests tomorrow and I just lost all motivation to study. Worst part is that all the autos saves were after he died.
Rip Raihno, I'll miss you.
|
self.bipolar
|
Someone make it stop I need to die. It’s enough already I’m so tormented
It’s like what the fuck god why I am still fucking here please just let me die what the fuck do u want from me. Crying and can’t fucking stop what the fuck
|
self.depression
|
Do the negative thoughts come from my personality or my depression? I can’t stop thinking about everything in a negative way
I hate myself
I can’t even control my mind and thoughts
Stupid me
Fuck
|
self.depression
|
I think I’m almost ready. So I’ve had severe depression and anxiety since the age of 13. I’m now 21. I’ve been trying and trying to get help to follow therapy and practice. But I just can’t do it anymore. I’m distancing myself from everyone around me. I’m not attending my hospital appointments. I’ve skipped my last two classes that were to ‘help’ with my ‘strong emotions’. I’ve even started my letters to my family. And what I didn’t expect was it to be so okay. I’m feeling calmer than ever. It’s just meant to be. I was not built for this world. But that’s okay. I know I need a couple more weeks to set the plan in motion. I’m not going to lie but it feels exciting. Knowing that this pain will be over soon. I don’t have any friends (my life took that away from me). So I thought I’d post here.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anxiety is winning A little about me...I have muscular dystrophy so i have a weak respiratory system. My anxiety can be triggered for many reasons but the hardest part is my breathing,once it hits i find myself focusing on my breathing and thats when it all goes downhill. I take stupid Xanax and I drink just to feel normal but i know both of those are making my situation worse. Ive tried going sober and ive tried quitting xanax but I always fall back to this crap. Im out of solutions and this shit is ruining my life and I feel like the people closest to me are tired of me and my need for their help. It took me to drink just to post this and I dont expect a perfect solution, maybe just someone to relate to me? Im desperate....
|
self.Anxiety
|
another unreadable post i guess i've noticed that my pills do help me but it's that clouding sort of way, you know your problem is there but while you have the pills you can just kinda pretend it's not. when i'm alone at night it's so much worse, but i'm not even alone i guess. i have a roommate and it probably sucks to have a roommate who's crying into his blanket while playing super mario sunshine at 5AM but that's his problem. i've met some nice people at college but i can still feel that chasm between me and other people. you're basically too ugly to talk to them on equal footing, so you don't. i guess it's kind of an odd mindset to have, placing so much emphasis on looks while not caring what someone looks like yourself, but just because i don't care doesn't mean i can't ignore reality. maybe i'm not even that ugly but my life experiences say otherwise. when your grand total of 3 interactions with women is being bullied, being touched involuntarily as a prop to make her ex jealous, and being ghosted after a date, you know you're ugly, or at a minimum unattractive (but what really is the difference). i could try to change it but then what happens after? the very same people who have ignored/bullied me now don't because of a change in appearance while i'm exactly the same inside? wow that's really useful it doesn't make me feel fucking dead inside. i know people do all sorts of mental gymnastics to explain why it's not actually the shift in appearance or what-have-you, it's on practically every subreddit and anywhere else mainstream, but it fucking is. i don't think i can reconcile being alive with that reality.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Tired of this freakin' feeling I just started cutting myself again and I can't stop doing it every night. Lately nothing gives me any fucking satisfaction, all i've thought about is killing myself these past few days. Nothing super bad has even happened I just feel so empty and numb and I hate this. I've been doing therapy and I tried joining clubs but it's like nothing works fuck
|
self.depression
|
Just had a bit of a (kind of gross) depression victory... To preface this, this is kind of gross, like it says in the title. Lmao.
So when I’m depressed, I totally stop taking care of myself. That’s just how it is for me. I’ll stop eating, stop showering, etc. Yuck, I know. And it just makes me feel even worse. But I do it anyway because I don’t care and I feel like I deserve to feel disgusting.
But today, just now, I was able to brush my teeth for the first time since September. Yep. I just hadn’t cared enough, but I finally convinced myself to do it today. In September I got brutally dumped and my depression got even worse than it ever had before, and I was at rock bottom. But slowly, I’m climbing out of it! Even in gross ways like brushing my teeth for the first time in months.
Sorry this is kind of yucky or stupid. But it was just really important to me and I kind of see it as a stepping stone. :)
|
self.depression
|
Sick of my mental health issues being disregarded because I’m a girl. Every time I try to talk to friends or people about my issues they always seem to pin it to something regarding my gender. Like how women are more emotional, or how I’m probably just on my period (as if I wouldn’t know). And it hurts when I hear people referring to me as “that crazy chick”, sometimes in a sexual matter too. No one wants to take me seriously, they just want to discredit me so they don’t have to deal with it.
In context, I was abused as a child, and have had multiple suicide attempts.
No one in my life gives a flying shit about me, not my family or my friends, even despite the self harm and suicide attempts... I really don’t think I can pretend to have the strength any longer.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone had Experience with getting tattoos and then feeling obsessed/anxious? So to start off, I love tattoos. I've always wanted them, and really like the self expression they offer, and despite this current anxious bout I still want to get more. The problem is, I just got my first noticeable piece on my forearm and I can't stop thinking about it in a negative way. It's music related, but a little obscure and really not that big or intense. I loved the idea before I got it, but I can't stop feeling like I've permanently changed who I am as a person by getting it. I know that this is an anxious way to think, but it's been in the forefront of my mind for almost two months now and it's making me feel hopeless. Every time I see it throws me back into being extremely anxious and depressed.This is also my first year in college, so I think that was probably the trigger. Has anyone been through something like this and can share some stories/coping methods? Thanks so much! [Here's a picture of it for reference](https://i.imgur.com/ZCcUUuw.jpg)
|
self.Anxiety
|
I have a thing for my TA, can't do anything about it and it's ruining my focus I know I'm not the first person to have this problem but FUCK does it suck. It doesn't help that I don't know if he's just being nice to me or praising my work/talking with me because he has to or sees me as a kid and thinks "aww, cute". He has this really wonderful smile and I love the way he laughs. I don't know too much about him aside from the few personal details he's told me in passing, but I know I want to get to know him better. Obviously I won't say anything until the final grades are released (I can't) but I despise this infatuated-ness where all I can think about is spending more time with him. Even worse, I have no clue if he feels the same way which makes my pansy ass even less likely to make a move when the time comes. I'm not really attractive or anything, the only interesting things about me are the words that come out of my mouth (and even that's up for debate).
|
self.offmychest
|
Sunflowers. A couple of months ago, I got dumped. I got dumped for various reasons but the most prominent one was, "I don't love you anymore" Which is odd because it went from, "I love you" and then the next, I wasn't worthy of it anymore. Yet, I'm claimed to be a liar when I said that I regretted getting in a relationship with them. Let me clarify- I regret the relationship because of what it did to us entirely. The romantic relationship was destroyed, as was the friendship. I lost not a romantic partner that day, but also a best friend.
Anyways-
Present day.
What I say currently is what I wish I could tell them but I'm not going to do that. Not again.
I just want to say that I wish to apologize for everything that happened between us. I apologize if I said something that hurt you, for it wasn't my intention. I realize now that I couldn't remain alongside you, for as long as I love you. They got into some friends with benefits relationship weeks after they dumped me, telling me that they wanted to remain single, but that confused me. When I realized that the person in the relationship was the mutual "friend"- the one you told me to not be jealous about, the one that assured me was my friend but tossed me to the dogs after you dumped me and decided they'd be there for me by "blocking me"- I couldn't handle that. Why? Because it made it feel as though the entire relationship was a damn lie. I realize that now, as I turn my back to what we used to be. I look up and I make the realization that I wasn't mistaken. All those times you would talk about her; did the plan in moving in together without me even knowing; when you made her a gift but not me. For goodness sake, I took your word and trusted it. Now that you broke it, you got defense about me not wanting to trust you? You're a hypocrite really.
Regardless, I am actually sorry because I failed you not only as a partner, but also a friend. For as long as I love you, I couldn't remain by your side and support your relationship because that would be a lie to not only you, but to myself.
So for that, I turn my back from it all and slowly but surely- make my way to the suns warmth.
|
self.offmychest
|
Had A Big Adrenalin Rush Yesterday And Now I Am Feeling Really Depressed All Of A Sudden. Any Help? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I can't talk about my issues because I'm too critical of them [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Online chat version of a crisis hotline? I need some help, and I would really prefer to do so silently. Is there something like a suicide hotline, except in more of a text/chat form?
Thank you. Best of luck to you all.
|
self.depression
|
For the first time in a 28 years I feel like my depression is gone Thank god for medication and therapy they have really boosted my self esteem from I want to give up on life and just stay inside all day to I can do anything my little brain has the power to do
|
self.depression
|
Work anxiety (advices needed) Hi everyone,
This is the very first time that i (ever) post something on reddit. But maybe, you guys can help me. English is not my native language so i apologize in advance for any grammatical errors.
I started to work in the book field five years ago, i started at the bottom and doing great. I decided to take an exam so i can be promoted. Which i pass! So I needed to choose a job in another place. I got excited about this job which is basically being a manager and schedule my collegues tasks. But when i started it 3 months ago, i began to have knots in my stomach, having clammy hands, being agitated, trouble sleeping etc... i was very overwhelmed, stressed out by everything (new environment, new collegues and new job that i’ve never done before). So i decided to see a therapist every two weeks (specialized in acceptance and commitment therapy) who thinks i have social anxiety (performance anxiety)...
Despite the big support of my girlfriend, my symptoms got worse (more intense and regular) to point that i can’t really focus on my job, i cried in front of my boss in her office (she was very understanding about it) and i feel lost, i don’t know what do anymore. I thought about quitting and going back to my old job (i contacted someone at my old job to see if it’s possible in the short term)... My parents think i should quit, go back to my old job and get better. My girlfriend has a different opinion: she is very sad for me (she wants me to get better) and worried because, quitting means giving up on myself and us (we have different projects planned), and she doesn’t understand why everyone believes in me that i can do it except...me...and that she can’t be with someone who doesn’t want a future. She also thinks that this type of behavior can happen again (thinking “i can’t do it so i want to quit”). Actually, it happened once when i was a student, i dropped out before the exams.
I saw a doctor and prescribed me anti-anxiety med (don’t know the english word but it starts with eff...) and made me stay at home for a week so the treatment can kick in and to rest. I also decided to see my therapist every week.
And here i am asking for your inputs, advices... Thank you...
|
self.Anxiety
|
depression, breakup, i'm lost [20, M]
Hey, since I barely have any friends I'd like to share my story here, see what you guys have to say. I really need someone to talk to right now, as I'm pretty much losing it.
I haven't been feeling well since high school. I was bullied a lot because I was very shy, and later many friends dropped me for no apparent reason. I also had no passion, hobbies, motivation. I couldn't bring myself to do anything because I didn't see the purpose, and I didn't see a future.
In my final year I met a girl that started working at the place I was working at. She also went to the same high school as me. She was absolutely beautiful, but I never had any experience with girls (was subtly turned down by some). It was pretty obvious that we both liked each other after a couple of weeks, though. We started talking a lot and hanging out. I gathered all my courage one of those days to ask if she wanted to date me. She said yes.
We've been together for three years, and she broke up with me two weeks ago. It still fucking hurts. Her mental state was pretty bad at the start of our relationship. She was often suicidal, had issues at home and had no self-confidence whatsoever. But I was always there for her. I did all I could to make her feel better, and to make her feel loved (something she wasn't used to at all).
During this time I was very happy spending time with her and discovering new things. But she was a worker, she had passion. She wants a career, and is prepared to do anything to get there. In the three years we dated I didn't manage to find a single thing I liked. I tried two different colleges, but I didn't like them one bit. Even though she appreciated the support I gave her, she couldn't support me. She hated seeing me with no future plans, and she hated waiting for me to find something I like. She wanted me to work, and she told me I've changed a lot during the relationship. She stopped loving me. Wanted to remain friends, but I can't stand the pain as it is.
So here I am with nobody but my parents to talk to. I've lost the love of my life, I have no friends, no hobbies or anything similar to distract me with, no interests for a future college. I have no clue what to do. I wish suicide was an option, but it's too selfish for the ones that love me. I just don't want to continue, and I miss her so much. I wish she was able to support me the way I supported her. I don't see a reason to get out of bed, since there's no point and it's too difficult for others to understand what I'm going through. I can't stand this anymore.
|
self.depression
|
Looking for some people to game with on lonely nights [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Do you think people notice when you're too uncomfortable to look them in the eyes? I have a big issue with my social anxiety where I can't look someone in the eyes for more than a few seconds with out feeling uncomfortable and self conscious. I usually end up darting around trying to find something to look at and once in a while looking back so it doesn't seem like I'm not listening. I can tell that the entire time they are looking at me doing it and probably know I'm uncomfortable with them.
I don't know if that's just in my head though - another problem with my anxiety is thinking people know I'm anxious and that makes me more anxious. Do you think people can tell from the eye contact and do you think they are judging me or think lower of me?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Afraid of getting erectile dysfunction from taking a xanax or beta-blocker Is it possible to get ED just from taking one or two Xanax XR or Beta-Blockers?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Finally getting Help TL;DR: Discovered this sub, had a terrible reaction to a breakup and FINALLY decided to get professional help.
Two weeks ago, after feeling so anxious at work that I felt nauseous, I typed anxiety into reddit's search bar and found this subreddit. I identified so much with what I was reading and remembered my own experiences. I had had nights with no sleep because someone didn't text me back, daily bouts of nausea, physical shaking from emotional turmoil and obsessive thoughts.
I'd been getting to know a guy online, he's from Spain (where I live) but lives in England and after a month of constant talking and getting to know each other, last weekend I finally got to go out and meet him in person. Unfortunately, in person the chemistry didn't last for him past the first day, and at the end we had THE conversation where he said it was better to be friends.
I had an anxiety attack, trembling and everything. He was so good. He held me, talked to me, listened to me, told me how amazing I am and how he really felt close to me and cares about me. In that conversation he opened up about his past experiences with therapy and self-esteem problems and it clicked for me that I needed to get professional help. I'm grateful for that hard experience that helped me reach that realization.
I got home, decided I needed space from him (and he supported me in that) to heal and made an appointment with a friend of a friend who is a therapist for this week. The last time I did therapy was in Utah, USA where I was a repressed gay mormon trying to get make myself straight, so it's enough to say that that experience didn't help overall.
Since then my anxiety has been hard, but I've been reaching out to friends and family as much as possible and made sure I have time with people I care about every day. I know I can do this and that this pain will be worth it for the long term healing. Anxiety is a day by day battle and I'm ready to understand what's behind it, how I can cope with it and what I can do to live better.
If you read all of this, thank you so much. Any comments, feedback or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I can't do this anymore 2017 was the worst year of my life. I lost my girlfriend of 5 years, all of my friends, failed my senior year of high school, failed a suicide attempt, and was medically declined being able to march in the professional marching band I tried out for. I'm 17 and I recently broke my back but have been slowly recovering. Ive been through so many serious injuries that I feel like I'm living in the body of a 100 year old man. I'm broken. Physically and mentally. Those that I'm forced to call family always take advantage of me because ill do anything anyone asks because I'm a nice ass person and I have a huge heart but nobody wants me unless theyre trying to take advantage of me. I have multiple methods I'm going to use at once. I'm not sure when I'll do it but it'll be soon most likely. Its a shame really. I'm very educated and very good at multiple trades. I know it may not sound that way because of my not graduating last year but that was just because I was so depressed I couldnt do any work. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont get why everything is crashing down around me. My parents told me I have to be out of the house by next week. I dont have a job because no one is willing to hire a 17 year old dropout. I dont have anywhere to go. There's no reason to go on anymore. I'm probably going to be dead within the next week. If my resolve is strong enough ill do it tonight but I'm not 100% sure that this is the correct decision. I have everything prepared so that if I decide to do it I can immediately do it without hesitation. Attached is a poem I read every morning And every night. I thought that a thread like this may appreciate it as much as I do. I'm really not a big fan of poetry but this poem I love. Anyways.... When Tomorrow Starts Without Me by David Romano(maybe)
When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It almost seemed impossible
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But as I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.
You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things
You knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?"
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Someone let my ferret out of the house during Thanksgiving and I’ll probably never see him again [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I miss being happt I know we all do in this subforum but after months its exhausting. Months of blaming myself and trying to change. Months of exile. Staring at the aftermath of my mental breakdown, the relationships it destroyed.. What i wouldnt give to go back because i know nothing will be the same. No one will look at me the same. I was once someone people admired for being strong but it turns out it was a mask that even had me fooled. Do you guys ever feel like you all of a sudden dont recognize the world around you? Ive felt so lost.
|
self.depression
|
Intense anxiety over people not liking me? My need for people to like me is becoming obsessional, which I’m prone to anyway because I have OCD. If people do one slightly rude thing I will spend the rest of the day worrying about it.
I had a panic attack today (I haven’t had one in forever) because some people in a group chat made a rude comment about me.
Lately, it’s been really hurting my life. I know my thinking is completely illogical and I am overly paranoid that everyone secretly hates me, so I’m worried that I’m going crazy. I can’t have one social interaction without worrying about whether the person I talked to likes me or not. My mood has been so fluctuating lately. This only started about 2 months ago. Before that, I honestly didn’t care what anyone thought and was secure.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Can you get so much anxiety you start to have brain fog?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Cleanse Does anyone ever feel like they need to cleanse themselves of human interaction. I have felt like shit for over a week now. Granted I had a couple of less shit moments, but overall I've just hated my entire existence more than normal for the past week. I just want to cleanse myself of people. Stop talking, and communicating with any of my family or friends for the next couple of days.
|
self.depression
|
I can’t do this university application stuff Yeah I know this is just another low self-worth post but I’ve been carrying this for a while
I’m a high school student and I really want to go to Yale. I have the marks and the scores but my extracurriculars are mediocre at best. I’ve been trying to do lots of things that will help me but so far all of them have fallen through or just not really worked. I’m trying but I am still stuck with these mediocre things like piano lessons (only 2nd places in small competitons) and some volunteering for a few months, and one small award in our local science fair. Oh, and a failing tshirt company. I also draw. Wow so accomplished
I was going to ask a mutual friend how he does it and found his LinkedIn profile. He has pages of work experience, volunteer experience, and awards. He’s gone to Canada wide science fair twice, worked for two years doing research in a university, started a nonprofit organization, worked in front end development for an app, gone to multiple prestigious programs and workshops, and way way more. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to compete anymore. I really only started getting really invested in doing stuff last year and thought of Ivy League as a possibility a few months ago but I only really have a year left before early application and I can’t do all that stuff.
I don’t know where to even find these opportunities. I’ve tried reaching out to people but they just ignore me or reply saying it’s not feasible (in fact just got one of those replies back a few min ago which was what triggered this).
I just hate it because I feel so worthless and stupid. I can’t do it, I can’t fucking get multiple national-level recognitions within a year and I can’t network because I’m too shy and awkward and I don’t have enough awards to even get any opportunities.
|
self.offmychest
|
I don’t think my friend has anxiety like she says and it’s really starting to upset me... Let me just start off with, Ive known her 10 years and she’s a chronic liar. She lies about everything.
When me and my boyfriend broke up (We even talk still. We don’t hate eachother. It’s good.) she lied to work to get out of it saying he beat me up and I was in the hospital. So yeah.
Anyways she has what she calls “crippling social anxiety” she’s never explained it. But I do know- she yells at random people. If people are staring she’ll confront them. If there’s a dog she’ll talk up and ask to pet it. She is not afraid of people.. she talks about how she’s “kicked a creep in the balls” and all I can think when I’m with her and she does these things is please don’t please don’t and my heart goes fucking wild because no, please don’t talk to strangers, please don’t yell at them people stare that’s just that.. please don’t involve me in these situations. I end up with stress headaches every time and I tend to get all quiet and she will be like talk more!!
She’s 19, I’m 18.(Saskatchewan the drinking age is 19) We go into Boston pizza and she tries to order me a fcking drink and the lady is like Id please. I would NEVER do that. EVER. I cried for a good hour. I could have been kicked out. She tries to talk me into getting a fake id to go clubbing.
I have to live with her for a month until I can move into student housing. Which she will try to talk me out of but she’s literally so filthy and I cannot take it, she does not do her dishes, doesn’t even rinse them. There’s a mountain of them. Does not do laundry. Her apartment smells like cat shit. I just don’t want to but I’m starting to panic over the idea of confronting her, telling her I’m moving into university housing “it’s cheaper here” (it’s actually not because they eat out at an expensive restaurant more than once a week) and if I try to stay and say no she’ll just offer to pay which is starting to upset me because like that’s a lot of fucking money.
Then on the other side Ive heard about her having a “mental breakdown” from her and her roommate but I don’t know about what.
I don’t know if I should believe her “anxiety” but I don’t want to be one of those people who is like wow your illness doesn’t mater because it’s not like mine, you know? She also takes medication. And she’s a psych student so she tends to learn a lot about disorders and such. She’s always talking about her many mental disorders.
But I do know that SHE gives me anxiety. Hardcore. Breaking down crying anxiety. And I feel so anxious I have to live with her until January..
Idk what to do or how to deal with this situation. Sorry for the long ass rant. Idk maybe I should be taking medication.
*tldr: my friend/roommate has anxiety that is either fake, or extremely different from mine. It’s starting to affect me, she’s affecting me in a negative way even though she’s trying to help. *
|
self.Anxiety
|
Channeling it into art? Third day in a row posting on here but... I'm having a hard time and you all are the only ones I can talk to. Even if its just a sounding board.
A lot of "us" are supposed to be brimming with creative energy or something so I'm going to try to tap into that. I've never been much of an artist... more crafty than anything (crochet shirts/skirts etc) but I started drawing today. Its never to late to start something... right?
|
self.bipolar
|
I hate college but I’m too scared to get a job I just went back to college and started a uni level course that we are paying for and I hate it. Most of it is group work and we are a small group of 8 and have to work on projects together. One project we have to put an art piece up in the local market and another we are making a presentation that will used to train employees at our local harbour. I guess it’s more like work than college but we also have to keep our own sketch book that’s marked.
Only problem is I hate it. I go in everyday and sit there and don’t say a word to anyone because I’m too scared to talk. They don’t even bother trying to talk to me unless they are telling me how I can help with the work. Even then I’m too scared to do the stuff they ask me to because I feel like I haven’t understood it properly and will do it wrong. So I end up just sitting on my phone the whole time trying to block everyone else out.
I can hear them all chatting and laughing and I feel so left out, I hate how everyone else can get on so easy with other people when it seems impossible for me. I feel like they just think I’m lazy and can’t be bothered with it, they probably hate me. I often show up late or don’t bother going in, and I feel like they give me funny looks when I do go in. It just all makes me feel so worthless and like I’m looked down on. I hate it so much.
Only thing is the idea of quitting and just getting a job makes me feel sick to my stomach. Thinking about the interview and even having to work sends me into a panic. At least at college I can sort of get away with not having to do much. I really don’t know what to do because my parents are paying for me to do this course and I feel so guilty for not liking it.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm am writing my goodbye letters I am 29 M and tonight I am writing a letter to each of my loved ones. Then a general note for my friends as well. I really thought it would help to not want to do it, but now that I have it written out I'm at peace and actually want to follow thru. I didn't expect this but am happy to know I got to say goodbye to everyone. I don't know the exact date yet. It's feels so good to just get it out, know it's real and what I want. Thank you Reddit for being there everyday as a distraction. I truly believe you kept me going some days.
|
self.offmychest
|
First we make the beast beautiful Has anyone else read this book? I’m half way through and loving it.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I went to church today, for the lack of anything better to do. Really made me realise there really is nothing to look forward to, save for getting to sleep every night and being allowed to die one day.
|
self.depression
|
Just got diagnosed and no idea what to do. So long story short. I was recently diagnosed with bipolar by my psychologist after a few evaluations.
I explained to him everything, just feeling weird all the time and what not. He told me I could have rapid cycling but not 100% sure. From the test results he gave me he wrote "bipolar disorder, current episode mixed, moderate" no idea if that's bad or good lol.
He told me to take the results to my doc and ask about being prescribed Lithium. I'm hoping I can make an appointment asap but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen.
Been about a week since I got diagnosed, I've been trying to learn about whatever nightmare this is so I for once can understand what wrong with me lol.
I seriously have no idea how to cope with my mood swings. And as dark as this is going to sound killing myself seems like the only good option. Seriously, I don't want to deal with this for the rest of my life. This sucks on so many levels.
Everyone tells me that everything is going to be ok. And I want to believe them. But I really can't control myself when my emotions get intense. I feel like I have to barter with myself to live another day knowing that I'll go full on manic or depressed and everything in between every few hours of everyday.
Only peace I ever feel is when I'm asleep. Whenever I can sleep lol.
Drugs and alcohol feel like my only escape other than checking out. Sometimes I feel better other times I feel worse. My emotions are so random it's hard to even try to understand it or know if what I'm thinking is really me or just the delirium.
I am trying really hard to help myself in some way. But I feel like I have made zero progress and I'm just too deep into this to even be worth saving.
This feels really hard to talk about. Is there any advice you guys can share with me? I just want to put it all behind already so I can enjoy my life for once.
|
self.bipolar
|
Doing what I love, hate who I am I've had depression 6 years now (23M). Until last year I always thought it was because I didn't like my course of action in life, death of loving ones, breakups... But right now that I finally took over my life and decided to study dramatic art, that I have a wonderful familiy, a wonderful girlfriend, that everything is apparently perfect I feel like a worthless piece of shit. What am I supposed to do? It is so frustrating. I needed to take it out. Sorry.
|
self.depression
|
I've set a date to end it, just waiting now 39/M My health is poor, my body is so messed up I need at least 3 corrective surgeries just to start fixing the issues, major dental problems as well. Ive had severe depression and anxiety my whole life, in the process of divorce (her choice, not mine but who can blame her). I have so much debt from being separated and medical bills that I have destroyed my credit and have none left. I will be shot out of luck in 90 days and unable to pay rent anymore, I only have 1 friend in the world and he is 1500 miles away. I've decided to finally end things, I've wanted to for a long while but I was always scared and hanging on for my mom and dad. I lost my dad last summer and I just can't keep trying.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I want to look normal again after this episode I just went through a horrifc depressive episode. I almost killed myself. I have fresh burns on my wrist, dark circles under my eyes, greasy hair, acne, I need to shave, and my lips are badly chapped. I look like shit and I have work in an hour. What can I do to look normal again?
|
self.bipolar
|
Worries for the future I’m worried that due to my anxiety/depression combo, I’m never going to have any fond memories to look back on. I always hear about people partying and having fun in their teens and twenties, but I’m way too anxious to talk to anyone and to depressed to do anything, I’m worried that my entire life is just going to be one long grind; I want to get off this ride before it’s too late.
|
self.depression
|
Anxiety is affecting the way I eat, and I'm losing weight. (A fear of vomiting? A fear of food poisoning?) Seeing ANY kind of advice. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm Bipolar 1 and I Think I Have Situational Depression Please Help [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
A nice guy who's crushing on me gave me CD of his music, and I'm afraid to listen to it in case I don't like it. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
My girlfriend left me, I'm stuck in a low paid job and I have no friends I love her more than anything in this world, she was the only good thing in this world and I didnt value it. Now I have nothing, I'm 29, stuck at a shitty job and I lost the love of my life.
I just wish she could come back to me, but it is not possible. I'm going to end my life tomorrow morning. I just wish things could have been different.
I love you K. I hope you never see this. And if you do it wasn't your fault, I'm a failure of a man and I deserve to die.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I only have one option Hi all,
I’m trying to plan this neatly. I don’t want my loved ones to find me before the police or strangers do. I’ve tried overdosing and slitting my wrists before but I failed.
The only tried and true methods I have are shooting myself and hanging myself. In my state, they will do a background check if I want to purchase a gun. I haven’t been psychiatrically hospitalized in this state since I was 16-17 (12 years ago) so that would obviously be ideal but I don’t know if I can wait long enough for a background check to not go through. My dad has multiple guns but they are in safes and no one will give me the combination. I can travel across the border and try my luck at a gun show but I’m honestly afraid of that. So I’d prefer to hang myself but I don’t have the confidence that I’ll get everything right re: tying the noose, getting the pressure points right, ensuring I break my neck... I’m not very handy but if I wanted it badly enough I’m sure I could figure it out. Idk. I also have scouted out my house and I can’t find anything to hang the noose to that is high/isolated enough from other parts of the ceiling.
I’ve thought of so many other methods but ultimately I’ve determined I have to figure out how to hang myself and I want to do it in the next 7-10 days when I have a chance at being alone long enough. Isn’t it ironic that all the advice and statistics you read is written by people who haven’t been successful? It’s disheartening at best.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Just need to get it out there. I have and a loved one is ill in another country.
I am trying to keep my mind busy but I can't finish grading these papers. I have "How I Met Your Mother" playing in the background, which usually helps, but it's not doing anything.
I have to plan out with my two jobs tomorrow with taking leave for the possible flight I will be taking soon: I don't look forward to it.
The two jobs have been less fulfilling over the past year or so: the management has been terrible and I've been feeling stuck.
I've been having an underlying feeling of being "off" but I don't know if it is depression; now it feels stronger now with the present situation with family. I was planning to take this weekend to look into other opportunities for jobs, but I can't find the drive to now.
I worry about my family with everything going on and my own personal life, I feel like I'm suffocating.
Just finished my second glass of Jameson and I am trying so hard to get out of this feeling.
It's not working.
|
self.offmychest
|
Any professionals Here That can help Me Hi. To give some background about myself....
**History:
**
24(F) here, working in healthcare. Diagnosed with clinical depression about two years ago and have been taking escitalopram since.
**Situation
**
I have been experiencing occasional sensations of pins and needles/muscle tension all over my body at night time when I'm laying down - especially at my feet and hands. It will get so bad to the point where I won't be able to fall asleep. Or, if I am asleep, I will wake up due to pain from the pins+needles and tension over my body. This has happened on at least four occasions in the past month that I can recall. On all four occasions, I recall having difficulty breathing - like a ton of bricks are on my chest. Waking up in a sweat. Pounding headaches.
Googled my symptoms, and *anxiety* was a common theme.
I never thought that I'd be the type of person to experience anxiety. But, with my new work that I started two months ago, my sleep cycle has been wack and I'm on fight-or-flight mode every time I'm at work.
>Am I going to miss an important piece of information that will hurt someone? This co-worker said **x** to me... she must not like me. How can she not like me? What did I do to make her think that? I'm not good enough. I'm going to fuck up.
Throughout all my life, I've struggled with feelings of incompetence and inadequacy, both in a professional and personal sense.
**Question:
**
Does this seem like anxiety to you? Or am I have thyroid problems and should get my TSH levels checked?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I have THE WORST testing anxiety ever and tomorrow I test for my Florida State Fire Standards. I test nearly last out of everyone in my class because we go in alphabetical order and my last name starts with T.. which is awful because I work my self up so much. Please help.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Im really afraid of my birthday day things are probably going to go as I think and if they do I wont be able to emotionally hold the pain only my parents will remember it at all and remind me how unexistant and lonely I feel and just jump out of the 4th floor...
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Picking a fight at Starbucks The last couple of months I have noticed I’m getting more and more irritable and impatient. I was at Starbucks today and was the second person in line. A woman walked up in line next to me and when the barista started to serve me she started to complain that I wasn’t lined up correctly. In front of my 14 year old son I threatened to go old lady psycho on her.
I’m so embarrassed with myself.
|
self.offmychest
|
I don't have any friends and I won't for months. I'm a senior and high school and have no one I feel like I can call a true friend.
I'm in two "friends groups" but I don't feel like I'm truly part of the group. In one, are my school "friends". We hang out during school, but when I talk to them, occasionally one completely refuses to listen to me and the others hop on board the "joke". I have repeated to that person that I hate when he does it, but he laughs and says he's joking and it's funny. I have mentioned to 4 that I was sexually assaulted by a mutual friend not in the group. All 4 have seemingly gotten closer to him. In fact, while planning our senior trip they mentioned that we should invite him. Both of them knew what was wrong it. I then explicitly tell them I am not at all comfortable with him going. They reply with there will be enough people so that you won't have to interact with him. What they don't know is I will not go if he does go. I 100% refuse it. With them however, I do not think I am fully appreciated. I try new things and get cut down and shit on. Recently, I wore a sweater vest to school because I was trying out the look and I loved it. Except it was a size too large. It was a Christmas gift from my mother and very nice (despite it being a little out of budget). I was excited to wear it, and when the main person saw it, immediately decided it was far too large and proceeded to get his crony to call me a "picnic blanket's abortion". I ripped that shit off as soon as I got home and it's been on my closet since. Last story for them, we had a thanksgiving celebration in which my mom and I went all out, making two large dishes of food for both meat eaters and vegetarians. I was very accommodating even making sure it was halal on both dishes. Out of 13, 3 people tried it, 1 person explicitly said no he was not going to try it because I made it, and the other 9 didn't even mention it. It was a very humbling time to see the work and effort I put in just to be ignored. So I quit. There's nothing I want more than to just feel accepted, but I just don't think that's going to happen.
Then we have my gaming friends. These people are awesome irl and I really only enjoy games with these people. But about every other day two people (at least) gang up and flame me for ridiculous reasons. Something I said months ago comes up regularly after any and all mistakes. It stops becoming fun when I literally just stop speaking because I know I'll just get made fun of and flamed for anything. I just don't understand why we can't play a single game without calling out somebody doing poorly or calling someone else bad. It's just a casual game I play with friends but when I make mistakes (because I like having fun and doing stuff that I'm not good enough to do) I get cut down and reduced to silence. And when this happens and I leave the discord so that I can cool off, that's the end of it. It happens around 2/3 times a month and it's never talked about. Never an apology or even a mention of my leaving, I just feel so insignificant sometimes with them and it ruins my gaming experiences.
But my final thought is that it's way too late for me to make friends this year. With only 6 months left everyone is stuck in cliques until college. And I suppose that means that I'm stuck with mine because it's mostly better than being alone.
|
self.offmychest
|
Feel trapped in reality, trapped in words, and powerless. What are feelings. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Parents are gone for the whole week, leaving me alone with my anxiety. Any advice for coping is welcome [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’m 33 never have a boyfriend, not much friend, just lost my job, felt there’s no life purpose & I’m a failure. When most people my age are married & live happily with kids. (Saw in Facebook) I’m obese & have no self image. I tried to find job but feel my previous job experience’s no good. Felt lost I’m not even sure if I have depression, my friend seems to think so, but my father believes that depression is just an excuse the young people used because they just want ‘easy life’ .
I’m too old to change, I tried to escape from my life for not looking/ thinking/ planning for my future even since I graduated from Uni. I lock myself in my own room, rarely talking to my family, but that’s a normal thing in my house, my brother hates my father and no one except my mother talks much. I lost contact with all my Uni friends, I just still have contact with 2 of my friends from high school, I only realized that I slowly distanced myself from all my friends because I feel down & ashamed of my accomplishment.
I chose a relatively low pay but stable accounting job, instead of pursuing a professional career in accounting. I don’t like accounting, I do it because it’s something my parents would approve and I have no purpose in life I want to pursue. I studied LLB at long distance, also because it’s something my father approved and I felt ok but not passionate about it, but Now I may not be able to finish it in time (there’s a deadline for how long u studied) and I want to give up because it’s too hard. I thought my English is good, as a second language. But it’s really difficult.
Now I lost my job, I want to change, but I don’t know what I want to do. I like reading but dislike writing. I feel I’m not competitive against the young people who just graduate, If I change my field. Also all my job applications in other fields have no reply except for the accounting ones, but I’m not good in interview & get discouraged every time, feeling useless afterwards.
I feel like a loser, I’m too fat to look good, no one outside will like me, I don’t see any good in me. My father says no one will hire me once they saw how fat I’m, at least he surly won’t.
They only thing good about losing my job is that I start to lose weight, because I workout in gym 3-4 hr per day - just walking on track mills & eat at home instead of going out. At least I lost around 20-25 pounds, but it doesn’t show in my look because I’m too fat. People in the bus sometimes think I’m pregnant instead of fat, I’m so embarrassed.
I know I should find a hobby and go out and meet someone but I don’t know how. I never have much of a hobby, growing up in Hong Kong, education is exam oriented, nothing but academic matters, at least in my home. So I’m not supposed to have hobby other than reading English fictions (which is considered to be one form of studying - learning English).
After trying to send job applications in the first month, and the failure in job interviews, I have not applied for much job, maybe 1 or 2 jobs in 2 weeks. I’m too afraid of failure. I keep on procrastinating what I have to do, I planned to workout 5 hours a day, but I keep delaying my time schedule & only go after 2 hours late or sometime not go at all. I dreaded finding a job, don’t want to type out cover letters, sigh. Or sometimes just keep reading job ads and not applying at all.
I know something’s wrong about me. I just want to escape from this world, this life. I’d have kill myself if I’m not a catholic, sometimes I just wish some accident would happen to me & killed me when I walk on the street so I can finally escape from this world.
I know God is supposed to have a plan for me, but I prayed and have no answer, maybe I’m too impatient. But I don’t know what to do with my life & people arounds me are all saying I should have figured out that when I was younger, now I’m too old to try out different fields.
I felt it’s hopeless each day and I just want to give up, sometimes I doubt can I even finds out what God’s plan for me, or am I just fooling myself to think I’m special?
|
self.depression
|
17yr old High School drop out I'm too stupid to get a GED and both my parents have told me i'm a failure. I don't see the point in staying at my parents home after 18 because i'm not capable of going to school and I am starting to dislike certain family members. However my mom said if i move out at 18 she'll see me as even more of a failure. My job sucks i'm single i dont have a car and i'm too scared to start dating again cause i dont want people to find out im a dropout... Lately i've been planning on ending it.I am reminded everyday that i'm the family fuck up, and that i am too stupid to know what i want
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Too tired for fantasies Recently, I realised that I've become too tired to even have a fantasy life. Whenever I try putting myself into a situation, fantasy me just drops to the floor and cries.
|
self.depression
|
I Want to Scream Until It Stops and the World Makes Sense Again I've been unemployed for around 7 months. I put a lot of work into getting a Master's degree and certifications in the field I was contracting in and taught myself programs and processes in my spare time. I could have worked harder, I should have. I've let depression control me. I didn't apply to anywhere near as many places as I should have over the past several months. I'm now at a point where I doubt my own abilities and any training I've had. I'm competing against people with so much more experience than I have and looking at the job requirements for job postings sends me into a cold sweat. Fixing my resume seems impossible. Applying is terrifying. Getting called for an interview is terrifying. Getting a job offer is terrifying. But I need/want a job. I want to work! I want to live the way I was for a few years there, and adult in control of my life. But, I feel cold all over and like I'm peering over the edge of a bottomless pit. I put so much money into education and certification and really I just threw it all away, didn't I? I wasted it all. I wasted my life.
I feel like a child trying to go out into the world and land a job. I'm in my 30's. I'm so far behind my peers because I let depression set me so far back. The milestones I finally crossed, my peers crossed years ago. Sometimes I admit that I have severe depression and anxiety that really does hold me back, but then I think... well, don't I have the power to change that? Didn't I change it before? If so, it's all my fault, really, that I've gotten myself into this mess. I'm lazy. I'm stupid. I have no ambition. Even doing the dishes or showering is overwhelming sometimes. Sending a text message is stress-inducing. Part of me says: Hey, that's depression and you've got it bad. Another part of me says: Why are you still such a child at 30? Isn't it time to grow up?
Today was so bad. So very, very bad. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't focus on anything. I wish I had the words to describe what was going on in my head, but I literally couldn't focus long enough to figure out how I was even feeling other than 'so bad'. Everything was confusing. Holding a conversation was torture. I couldn't stop crying. I kept jumping from subject to subject in my head. I felt so child-like. I wanted someone to grab my hand and tell me what to do and when to do it because I couldn't figure it out for myself. It hasn't been this bad since I tried to kill myself.
I thought I was going in such a good direction. I thought I had control for once. I thought I'd come so far since the days of my suicide attempts. I stayed on my meds, changed them when needed, saw therapists, picked myself up and took baby steps until I was jogging forward. But it's always there. Lurking in the chemical reactions in my brain. The bully inside that rips my sanity and control away. Smothers who I could be into the child-like idiot I've become. Today terrified me. I don't know who I really am. I really have been faking it all along these last few years.
I keep circling back. If I can't handle this, if I'm so stupid and can't control this depression, why live? Why continue to drag friends and family down who are always pulling me out of the fire? They're so wonderful. They have their faults but oh my god I've been so blessed with the people I'm finally surrounded by. But I feel like I'm always asking them to talk me down or out of my head, and now? Now I feel like I can't even function or answer their questions when they ask me how they can help. I'm always going to need help. Always. That's awful! I can't ask that of these people. I can't ask that of myself. Why can't I just be self-sustaining? Why do I have to have depression and anxiety like this? Why can't I be someone useful and good? I'm going to make them so upset if I keep this up. Everyone reaches their breaking point.
If anyone read this word salad, thanks. I just wanted to get this out of my head before trying to sleep and try again tomorrow. If you have any advice, I welcome it and I hope that you're doing alright, yourself. The world is tough enough to navigate without this BS.
|
self.depression
|
Depression is a weird thing. I don't exactly know if I'm depressed.
Very often I feel as though I'm all alone in the world, that I'm not good enough for anybody, except like.. 3 people (my parents and my single friend).
It doesn't help that I recently binge-watched 13 Reasons Why, but I've always had this feeling.
I guess now I just want to.. maybe open up a bit about it?
There's often times where I feel happy in life, which I guess is really missing the entire point of depression.. but I can't count the times where I told myself that I'll be single for the rest of my life or that I'll just not have friends for the rest of my life and slowly but surely I've come to accept this as fact.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't around just to make it easier for myself, or that I could start it all over again. I've also often fantasized about how things would be if I wasn't around. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be gone but.. sometimes I do. I can't explain that feeling.
And after watching 13 Reasons Why something just felt so extremely real and relatable. And I know, I know a lot of people have had the same experience. There's very often where I don't see the point of being here and then other times (while I'm working mostly, or playing games) where I feel okay. But I don't think I've ever been truly happy. My life is literally work and gaming. And sure one might say that that can be happiness for someone.. and I guess it is but again, it always feels... like this hollow happiness. A replacement. I feel like I've often fantasized about not being around and what people would say, if people even would care, besides my parents and my friend. I so often just feel like a failure.
I don't know exactly where I'm going with this but... I guess I just wanted to type it out.
PS I'm 24 and have had these feelings since like.... 16-17, and as said before I just started to accept them as fact but I don't know. I just wish things would be different you know.
|
self.depression
|
I miss the old me. I miss being happy. I miss having lots of friends. I miss being famous. My anxiety came to my life ever since my parents transferred me to a new school. And i know it's my fault because i told them to do so. I wish i never did. I thought i would have many friends and also be famous in this new school but i was sooooo wrong. The opposite happened. I became quiet and i isolated myself. My old friends didnt care about me anymore. I wasnt able to make friends because i was extremely shy and i felt so fucking lonely.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Life is a curse Im so sick of being me. Im so tired of being so incredibly alone. No one gives a shit about me. I just want it all to end. There is no reason not to kill myself. I don’t know why I haven’t yet because I know that I should.
Everyone tells me that life just gets worse from here on out. That all the pains, worries, and stress I have now will continue to grow bigger and deeper. Why even bother with it? Why deal with life? Especially when nothing makes you happy or excited or you have absolutely nothing to look forward to? Why not just die?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
"Praying" by Kesha - a song that really spoke to me I know this isn't about bipolar disorder but I know a lot of us have had past trauma, and I think I remember reading that trauma can be a factor in onset. Kesha was sexually assaulted by her producer Dr Luke and is currently in a legal battle to get out of her contract and get some distance form him. You can read about it [here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kesha_v._Dr._Luke) as well as in many news articles. But that's not the main point, it's more back story.
She recently released [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-Dur3uXXCQ) song and I can't get it out of my head.
>'Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell
>I had to learn how to fight for myself
>And we both know all the truth I could tell
>I'll just say this is "I wish you farewell"
>
>I hope you're somewhere prayin', prayin'
>I hope your soul is changin', changin'
>I hope you find your peace
>Falling on your knees, prayin'
I hope that other people who are dealing with PTSD and past trauma can feel the sense of hope and closure I felt listening to this. Who knows if the people who have hurt us will ever feel remorse. All we can do is are best to become stronger in the aftermath. I know that I personally believe that I have known a kind of love and devotion that can't be felt by someone who is stuck in the mindset that other people exist to be used by them. I wouldn't say I am a "stronger person" necessarily but I went through hell and I can still love and be emotionally close to other people, and that's something.
>And you said that I was done
>Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come
|
self.bipolar
|
Thinking the worst (duh) Somehow whenever I care about someone, I think the worst is going to happen in any situation and they are going to end up physically hurt... I play out little scenarios in my head of accidents and then I scare myself..I have GAD so I mean it’s not a new revelation but just wondering if this isn’t just me..
|
self.Anxiety
|
I dont know what to do I cant explain this pain. Everyday eats up at me and it gets wrose. Therapy isnt helping at all
|
self.depression
|
Pushed back to the edge. I’m medicated with sertraline. I’ve been struggling with my depression for a year now. Things had gotten better moved into a house with my best friends have a great girlfriend. But lately everything seems to be falling apart. My friends don’t like my girlfriend and my girlfriend doesn’t like my friends and I constantly feel pushed around. It has been dredging up the old feelings of just wishing it all would stop.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else play music to cope? I play the harmonica and I’m starting to learn to play piano a bit. I just know when I feel a bad night coming on that I can reach for a harmonica and it usually mellows me out. Anyone else do something similar? Thanks
|
self.bipolar
|
Being Gay in a Conservative, Eastern European Country First off, sorry if this doesn't make much sense - it's 2:30 am. Also for reference I'm 15.
I read this thread for about 1 hour before posting this, and a lot of people are sharing some scary shit. Compared to them my problems are not as big, but I wanted to get this off my chest.
The title sums it up pretty well. I'm gay in a pretty conservative country in Eastern Europe. It's a very religious place. I was raised an Orthodox Christian, but recently I've been doubting my belief (considering all the anti-gay stuff). I pretend to be a "good Christian" in front of my family. My parents aren't "go to church every day religious" (we go to church once a year, on Easter), they just have a strong belief in God. My grandparents are hardcore, go to church every day Christians. My dad once said, "if an atheist does a good thing, they are doing it out of selfishness since there is nothing guiding them" - or something like that. That doesn't really make me feel too accepted. To be honest, this has little to do with my depression and has almost no impact on my life - I just wanted to provide context.
I go to a private school, which on one hand means a great education, but on the other hand means being a gay leftist in the midst of a lot of conservatives. This is why I've considered coming out, but never gone through with it. The few people that would understand wouldn't make up for all the lost friendships. Please don't say "if they give up on you, they're not real friends". I'd rather have friends and be in the closet than have no friends and be out.
A lot of friendships in our school are superficial. A lot of people are depressed, but they put up this cool, dick-ish persona that honestly disgusts me. My friend group (of about 10 people) are a lot less snarky, but because of our school environment, I have literally had one emotion-related conversation in the past 4 years. The conversation itself was awkward, and my friend and I never spoke of it again.
show you exactly how anti-gay our school is, many of my friends parents have honestly said that "if their child was gay they'd disown them". My parents aren't like that. My mom, at least, has made it clear that she's okay with that. My dad, I don't know. Either way I wouldn't want to tell either of them because it's just too embarrassing.
I've only recently actually accepted to myself that I'm gay. I'm still going through it, honestly. Our school considers itself to be international - meaning some people only stay in the country for 6 months then leave and others stay here for many years. This new guy came to our school at the beginning of the year and from the first time I saw him, I thought he was pretty hot and also a great guy. I was too shy to approach him for the first 5 months of school, but I ended up having a group project with him which led to us having to spend time together. We instantly clicked, and started hanging out. The next day he announced that he was going back to his home country next week. Great.
Yes, I liked him, and considered telling him, but I wasn't sure if he was gay or straight, so I decided to wait it out. I had a great time with him before he left back to the States, but now that he’s gone I feel pretty alone. Yes, I have friends (granted, they hang out without me sometimes), but none of my friendships have felt like emotional connections – mostly just joking around.
The fact that he’s gone now has me spiraling. I’ve felt sad before, but this is something a lot deeper. This is one of the first times in my life that I’ve considered suicide. I know it’s not going to be today, or the next day, but I’m genuinely starting to worry I won’t make it to 18. The thought of having to stay 3 more years in this horrible place is excruciating, and all I want to do is leave.
I have friends in the States which I see a lot less (once a year for a few weeks), but feel connections with them vastly more significant than the people I’ve known for years and see every day here. I think it's the societal differences, but I don't know.
Seemingly the only solution to my depression is booking a one-way flight to New York and not looking back, but that’s not an option so now I just feel sad.
|
self.depression
|
Alone and stuck in a loop I’ve been feeling kinda depressed lately and maybe it’s because the sky is getting darker earlier and SAD is kicking in but I just feel so alone. The people I used to hang out with seem to have forgotten me and do everything together and I’m just sort of existing? It’s a cruddy feeling to feel this before my 18th birthday but I think the only reason I’m keeping myself alive is because I want to adopt a cat and that that cat is going to need me. I’m thinking that I somehow brought this upon myself because I transferred schools in my junior year and decided to take online courses but now I’m just sort going on this endless loop. I go to bed late, wake up late, do homework { if I don’t feel too emotionally exhausted to do so }, maybe go outside or to the mall to walk around, eat dinner, and go to bed. I don’t feel the desire to even take care of myself anymore cause I’m worried that no one is going to notice that I’m just slowly wearing away unless I make a drastic change. My life is just this horrible vicious cycle and I don’t know how to get myself out of it besides sleeping my days away. At least in my freshman and sophomore year I had a social life but now I only talk to my parents and only one of my other friends.
I’m sorry for rambling, I just needed to get this all out so that I can sleep without having it be tear-induced. And talking to the void of Reddit makes me feel a little better actually.
|
self.depression
|
Mood I want to keep track of my mood everyday, is there an app that's easy to use or should I just write down with pen and paper?
|
self.bipolar
|
Why would I continue?? (before posting i am going to add a disturbing warning here)
I dont know if im posting this because I want attention, or, relief, or somewhere to pour the overflow of emotion I have right now... but I cannot think of a reason to stay alive.
I am so far in debt, my business is failing, I hate myself, I have lost my passion, I just.. i hate getting up in the morning. I want to die. It's so so so much, and I keep not fixing myself. I dont ... i dont even have time to explain every fucking problem i have right now but. ...
my business has been going up and down so hard for 3 years, we see a glimmer of hope and then get slammed down to scrape the ground with our faces. fuck you, says the fucking world, over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
Everything keeps telling me I should have died when i was 11, i should have ended it like i tried to. it was meant to be. i am borrowing time from this world and i just.... if life hates me so much why hasnt it just fucking killed me???? Why won't it just kill me?? I feel like i deserve to be beaten to near death over and over but i guess thats what life is doing. and its not life its me. its fucking me. fuck. it's all me. magically become normal, magically FIX MYSELF. i've tried many things but it never works, therapy, pills, meditation, but i guess ive half assed it allbecause nothing ever worked.
nothing ever works.
nothing ever changes
no, it changes, it just GETS WORSE.
I am dying inside and i just cant wait for it to eat its way out of my soul and dissolve my physical body so i can just STOP.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anxiety and EDM When I’m relaxed/stress-free and listen to EDM makes me anxious
But when I’m stressed out and anxious, EDM actually calms me
|
self.Anxiety
|
Just got off the phone from scheduling my first therapy session for this Thursday and I think I’ll call back and cancel. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
How to cope with health anxiety? 25/M On my wedding day earlier this year, I ended up having to be rushed to the hospital. I was having tremors and had a mild fever and just could not stop shaking. Doctor gave me an IV and did blood work and said I'm fine and sent me on my way. About 6 days later I'm still out of it with no energy and a fever and went back to a doctor who said I might have diverticulitis. Anyways, as quick as this ailment came, it went away. But it left with it a really terrible case of hypochondria. Every time I feel anything slightly not normal, I freak out and my mind automatically assumes cancer or something crazy that is gonna kill me. I pulled a muscle in my back about a month ago and it never properly healed and now I have a dull pain in the side of my ribs and I seriously can't get my mind off cancer. I hate it. As a backstory, I've already been diagnosed with panic disorder so I've been dealing with anxiety for the last 10 years but ever since my wedding is become unbearably difficult to deal with. Is there anything I can do to prevent myself from thinking I'm dying every time I get a headache?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I was an idiot thinking i could tackle anxiety by myself [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
This helped me stay on for a bit longer [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My son's Christmas will likely not exist this year, and I feel horrible for it. Times have been tough this year for my little family, I'll spare everyone the sob stories. My family is out of the question, they have their own issues they are working through. My wife's family has also fallen on hard times, so no help there. Wife has even made a post on Craigslist, and only creeps have responded, wanting nudes and other favors in exchange for little more than a promise.
I'm so sorry, baby boy. Maybe next year.
|
self.offmychest
|
Dream Job complicated I interviewed to be a vet tech assistant on Saturday. This job would give me the hours needed to go to vet school. The issue is, benefits don’t kick in for 90 days. This means hat if I start ASAP, I’d have to go 1.5 months without medication. I’m trying to tell myself that I can do it but I’m terrified.
|
self.bipolar
|
Can't fathom making it to 2018 I'm sorry this won't be very coherent. I hate my life. I've made so many bad choices. I've done so many things I regret. I want to help others so I can justify my existence but I am so socially awkward I try to hide as much as humanly possible. Im 32. I could easily live another 32 years. Wtf am o going to do with all that time? I pray everyday that I'll die in a way that doesn't cause any one excess pain or burden. My family and my boyfriend would absolutely lose it if I killed my self. My sister would not ever recover. So I keep waking up. But this can't go on. I'm uninsured so meds are out. I starting taking some herbal shit but pretty sure it's useless. I'm sorry this post is so generic and just an echo of what has already been posted.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Don't know where else to turn. I'm typing this right now because I don't know what to do anymore. I've never even considered the possibility of being depressed, but after some self reflecting, some things have become clear to me. I'm rarely happy anymore. When i'm curled up in bed, alone, at 1am watching a movie or some comedic internet video is the closest I come to happiness most of the time. And it usually comes and goes pretty quickly. When i'm around some of my closest friends I feel happy, like I belong, but I often find myself questioning whether or not they even care about me, if I annoy them, or if they think i'm a bummer. Honestly, I wouldn't blame them, because I've come to the realization over the past couple months that I totally am.
The past couple of months is when its gotten really bad. I've been consistently tired, I always feel like I haven't gotten enough rest even if I sleep for 10+ hours, which is rare because I have a lot of trouble sleeping. My body feels physically weak. I think about dying a lot. Not necessarily ending my life myself, but just the whole concept of death. The thought of dying scares the shit out of me and has resulted in me giving myself several mini panic attacks when I think about it for too long. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong, like someone is following me. I eat like total shit. Eating all the greasy fast food used to give me some kind of pleasure, but now I just feel disgusted with myself even as I'm eating it. But I still do it.
I have no motivation whatsoever. Every night I lay in bed and tell myself I'm going to start doing all the things I want to. Get in shape, Learn to play guitar, save money, start talking to more people, try to find a girlfriend. I never do. The worst part is I know I won't do these things deep down, but I still somehow convince myself. Something as simple as finding a job is becoming impossible to me. I convince myself I'll be no good at anything I apply for, or that if I do find a job, I will hate it. I don't do terrible in school, but I often skip classes or fail to turn in assignments simply because of my lack of motivation.
I often think about myself from the perspective of my parents. I feel like I've let them down in more ways than I can imagine. I'm attending community college, I have no idea what I even what I want to do with my life. I feel like they feel like I had so much potential and I pissed it away. I used to resent this, but now I agree with it. I find it difficult to talk to them about anything, especially my dad. I basically just make small talk with them. They know virtually nothing about me. And thats not because I don't want them to, its because when I really think about it, I hardly know anything about myself either. I think about everything my parents do for me and it nearly brings me to tears because its clear they care about me a lot. And I know at the rate I'm going right now, all they've done for me will be for nothing. I feel guilty and ashamed all the time, and can hardly even look my dad in the eyes. I lie to them pretty often, because I can't help but think telling them the truth will disappoint them even more. Sometimes I just get in my car and drive with no destination, so I don't have to be in my house. I play music loudly or turn on a radio show so I don't have to think about anything.
I think about my childhood a lot recently. Or, the bits of it I remember. Maybe I just have a bad memory but it seems to me that I remember a lot less from my early years than most people. One memory sticks out though, and not for a good reason. I was maybe 6 or 7 when one of my older brothers friends molested me. I don't remember much of what happened. Like I said, I don't remember a lot from that time, because I think I've blocked it out. Ever since i've started to become more and more depressed I've been thinking about this event more and more.
My patience is tested much easier nowadays. I find myself losing my temper more often, especially with my younger brother. I look for things in people to make me dislike them, even my friends. I just have a more pessimistic outlook overall.
I feel empty. I feel like nothing will ever change, and I feel like I will never try to change anything. I feel like i'm constantly on the verge of tears. I feel lost, and scared. All the time.
I don't know why I posted this here, other than I needed to see it all typed out so I could finally come to terms with my situation. I'm sorry for this long post with virtually no purpose. I don't know what I want. I don't know what i'm asking for.
I just don't know what to do.
|
self.depression
|
Quicksand The days are fine, it's the nights that fuck me up. The silence at night is a constant reminder of my own loneliness. It feels like it gets worse with each day. Until a couple of years ago I was able to keep myself distracted with studying and stuff, but I'm almost 26 now and shit is starting to get real.
I need to figure out why I'm like this. I suspect it has to do with unrealistic expectations or something. I'm never happy with anything. I'm always paranoid that people are trying to screw me over, and because of this fear I never commit to anything.
I'm so stubborn too, it must be a defense mechanism. I can't ever let them win, whoever "them" are. I keep thinking of people who slighted me in the past as an excuse to keep my guard up. I need to learn how to let this shit go. Sometimes I think of black people who lived through awful prejudice and still managed to let it all go and live a happy life.
|
self.offmychest
|
Everything inside is hanging on by a thread, and I don’t know if when it breaks, if I will snap or if I will break.
|
self.depression
|
I don't think I'm even going to have to kill myself I think that if I wait long enough, and it surely feels like it can't be so very much longer, my body will just give up and die for me. I can feel it waiting, it's impatient, too. But just as humans are weak, we are also strong. Built that way to maximize pointless suffering, I guess.
So, I guess I'll find out how much time these things can take.
I have no idea if this was out of line and I apologize if it was. I'm new and my thoughts are all foggy and out of reach and my most positive characteristic in this moment is this disgusting apathy. Everything degrades during the wait. All I want in the world just now is for you to feel better than this. Thanks for reading.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I told a lie in work.. So I posted here frequently almost 2 years ago and this thread has helped me out a lot in dealing with my anxiety and panic struggles in the past.
I’ve been working in two restaurants under the same company for about a year now, and I haven’t struggled with panic attacks since I started in the second place in September last year. I’ve been looking for a way out to get back to the first place full time and both managers I work for are aware of that. So now to the predicament.
On Friday last week I had 3 guests who were very unhappy due a long food delay, one of the party approached me (I wasn’t their waiter) and asked me to cancel their starters and bring out their mains as they were waiting the guts of a half an hour on a VERY busy Friday. I said no problem and proceeded to the kitchen to help them out.
About 5 minutes later I was serving food to another table when the original table stopped me and said they were leaving if their mains were not on the table in the next two minutes, I then said it was ready and one of my colleagues will follow me down with the food once it reaches the pass from the kitchen. The guests became extremely annoyed and were questioning whether I was telling the truth and began to give out even more, at which point I turned around and served the food I had been holding the whole time. At this point I was red with anger as this table were really upsetting me, as I wasn’t even their waiter and I tried helping out as best I could.
So the next day I spoke to my general manager and it was just my luck that I went into full panic mode during the one to one and began to exaggerate what the table had said to me. I told her the table had called me a stupid bastard and repeated it once again before I left them. My manager sympathised with me fully and promised to bring me back to the first restaurant full time in two weeks. HOWEVER, the guests have since left a review on trip advisor about their visit and my manager is aware that it is that table and I’m so anxious that she’ll call them to come in and have a talk with her about the situation.
What do I do? Do I ride it out and hope it blows over or do I talk with my manager and ask her to not take thing further than the trip advisor reply??
Thanks if you even read this much!!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel like I'm surrounded by convenient friends that will dump me when I'm no longer convenient Not sure if this is a sign of early depression, but recently I've been hot with the feeling that the current friends I surround myself with won't notice me when I'm gone. I've not been myself lately, but none of them have moved forward to comfort me. My best friend is halfway around the world in uni, while I'm stuck in National Service for another 8 months. I'm in army, so these people are around me 24/7. Just today, I didn't initiate conversation with any of them, and found that I was only talked to twice. Last week, I asked the entire platoon who wants to watch movie together with me and no one replied.
I don't know I feel as if I should have been closer then this. When I first got assigned here, I met someone who shared the majority of my interests and I really thought we would be friends and just click together. Somehow, I felt that he just drifted away, so I suggested that he buy Borderlands 2 on sale on humble bundle, so we could play together during our mounting where there is a lack of internet. We only played once. The day before Steam autumn sale come out and his friends bought the game, suddenly he is playing with them since. It's now that I realize I probably have misjudged how close of a friend I really am. I always had the feeling that he wasn't that close, but now I know for sure. I just feel so empty and sad. Just typing this made my cry a little.
I would talk to my best friend halfway around the world about it, but I know it's exam time for him and I don't want to burden him with irrelevant stuff since he doesn't even know my section.
|
self.depression
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.