text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
What are your "outs" so to speak, for distracting yourself from depression? Hell if I can't resolve my problems I might as well start trying to find ways to ignore them. Gaming has been my go to, but just curious what everybody else does. Depression sucks but if you can just turn your mind off for 2 hours and throw yourself into something else that doesn't involve thinking about life, it is a great relief.
|
self.depression
|
Conference check in So far my conference is going okay. I skipped out on the after party today because I was having eye tremors. I did feel pressured to drink a little at yesterday's party but I kept it to 1/2 a cider.
My meetings have been going well. I have my big one tomorrow. It is so hot in Florida that I'm so sweaty. I'm trying to figure out what to wear to not be so sweaty for this meeting. I walk probably 5 miles a day the conference is so big.
I'm surprisingly okay with being alone. The first night was hard and I didn't sleep well last night. I tried to limit my caffeine today so I can sleep better tonight.
I'm not doing as much networking as I should and I'm not so bubbly as I used to be. I miss that old person. I wonder if I will ever get back to that outgoing bubbly person.
I'm being strong but shy. This is my first conference since onset and the first time I've traveled without my family. I guess I should be happy that I'm working my way back to normal.
|
self.bipolar
|
Newly diagnosed I was just recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. After about a year of trying SSRIs with absolutely no success my doctor referred me to a therapist. Through therapy we’ve discovered my problem is not just depression. I’m so happy to hopefully have the right diagnosis and will soon be feeling more stable.
I’ve been started on a low dose of Abilify (4mg) because of the success it has had treating my mothers BD. Any one have any experience with Abilify? So far my only symptoms are waking up through out the night and feeling slightly jittery during the day.
|
self.bipolar
|
Maybe I should throw up my meds more often! /s [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
I want to get help but I have no idea where to start I'm 18 years old and I have struggled with depression for over 3 years now. I spent most of high school trying to cope with my depression. Usually every day was a struggle to just keep moving forward, to not skip school and to stay in my room all day, while also hiding it from everyone around me.
I never got any help for my depression, I don't want to be a burden on my friends, and I have a hard time telling my mom. My family lost someone to suicide years ago, and my mother has had anxiety issues and I just know it'll crush her if she knows what I've been going through. One reason I never tried to get help was because I thought things would be better once I moved to college, and got out of reach from a shitty "father figure." I'm at college now, and he is out of my life, but I am just as depressed as ever and I don't think it will get any better.
I'm not happy with my life. I know things could be way worse for me, that I have a few people who care about me, but it feels like I'm incapable of ever being alright. It feels like I missed the day of school where I learned how to be happy. I have just been stuck in limbo, waiting for things to get better but it hasn't happened.
A year or so ago I tried therapy for something different, and it was a very negative experience overall. I can hardly remember what it was like to be happy, or at least not be the way I currently am. I know I need help, but I don't want to tell my mom, and I don't want therapy.
I don't know what to do, but I know I need to do something or else I'll never change.
|
self.depression
|
Those who get along without SSRI's/SNRI's...why? I am curious to see why some in this sub choose to go without these medications. What's your story?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I am a 35 year old adult living in Southern California with severe suicidal tendencies. I have recently read that psilocybin (magic mushrooms) is great for depression, can u fam. help lead me in the right direction to acquire this? please & thank u, it would be so much appreciated, I am at witts end
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I need a new therapist to really get all these thoughts fleshed out I’m a guy in college, and I have quickly found that I need a male therapist to actually get the help I need. The women are simply to coddling and “you’re alright” type of help that doesn’t improve my situation. I’ve had a couple situations with a guy and he difference was great. It allowed me to get kicked in the right direction.
But anyways, lately I’ve realized how terribly anxious I feel about my entire life. I really want to get my degree, I want to be prepared to use it to find a job once I graduate, since I have student debt that must be paid off. Sounds all well and good, but it clashes with what I want for myself. I want to volunteer and be involved with something bigger than myself, and I just feel so stuck in this groove of finishing college then going straight into a job of some sort.
I don’t feel there is enough time to do the things I want to do. On one side I really want to find myself and do what feels right, and on the other side, I’m already mostly through college and I have the debt whether I like it or not.
I’m lucky because right now I’m in a major that interests me and added a minor I enjoy as well. Everything is just so hectic and it feels like I’m waiting for it all to explode in my face.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Friend/Roommate [20F] showing bipolar/possible schizophrenic characteristics when drunk? (Canada) [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Living with anxiety, and pursuing a degree in MFT. Good or bad? I have lived with anxiety for the past ten years, and over the past 3 years I have been stable. I go to therapy once a month, and I feel like I have a good understanding of who I am, and why I experience anxiety. I have a full-time job. I am going to apply to grad school for next fall, but am starting to have self-doubt, and experiencing anxiety, while completing the application process. Please note that I am a recovering perfectionist! Are these feelings of intense anxiety normal since it is such a huge life decision? Or should I question going to grad school will resurface intense anxiety?
*Ive asked my therapist the same question, but she tells me to not be hard on myself, and go for it.
Sincerely, Asking-For-A-Second-Opinion
|
self.Anxiety
|
Help me (bipolar 2) help my partner (bipolar 1) [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm not handling this breakup with my best friend very well. This has been the most emotionally draining thing I've ever experienced. I don't even remember losing one of my parents years ago affecting me as much as this has.
I've done nothing but care and I hate that I continue to do so as much as I do now three months after I last saw her and talked her down from just ending things then and there. I hate the fact that there are times when I think about the fact that we won't ever talk again and I break into tears like right now. I hate knowing now, after the fact, just why I was a source of stress and not having a chance to actually fix it in relation to our friendship. I hate that it feels like she was turned against me by her friends because I'm not what they consider normal. I just hate that I can't be involved in her life anymore.
I hate that when people ask what I want for Christmas or my birthday, the first thing that comes to mind is wanting my friendship with her back. I hate that I hope that she might consider talking to me again for one of those things but I know she won't. Her friends will tell her not to.
I'm happy to see things that indicate she is doing really well the past few months but hate that I'm suffering at the same time.
For the past three months I've just wanted to sit down and talk everything out but that's never going to happen now. I know how all this sounds; that I'm selfish or overly reliant on her for my happiness but my friendship with her was a bright spot in my rather dim life. I just enjoyed what we had and it helped me push through everything else.
I miss my best friend and I don’t know how much longer I can endure this.
Edit: It has just been a tough day. Today is when she is doing something that I wanted to do with her and one of our last conversations before things went bad was about it.
I also know that in many ways what I'm dealing with is like withdrawal. Part of the issue I realized is that I exhibit OCD tendencies and certain events in our friendship made me worry. When I worry, I get anxious and start checking what I'm worried about. Without that, anxiety starts to build up. Between writing all this out and hearing from her friend that I'm still on decent terms with that today's event went well, I'm feeling better than when I first wrote this post.
|
self.offmychest
|
I️ feel like the more people get to know me the less they like me Pretty much the title sums it up. I make pretty good first impressions, and over time i feel like the friends I have as they get to know me start hating me.
Can anyone else relate?
|
self.depression
|
Being jealous of my best friend?! I'm jealous when my best friend is having fun with other friends. That makes me angry with him and sometimes I don't talk to him because of it. I know it sounds really stupid, but we've been best friends (just the two of us) for 4 years, and now he's not inviting me to things like he used to, or I just see him with different people on Instagram. Everytime I see him with someone different I get really sad and can't do anything else but think about it. It has gotten to the point where I try to make him jealous by purposely talking to other people and trying to get them to hangout with me instead of him. As a boy, how can I stop being so jealous?
|
self.offmychest
|
Sorry if I sound like a baby in this, but I need to get stuff off my chest. I'm just tired. Sooo, let me go ahead and whine about SOME of my problems (Sorry). I'm tired of everything. No matter how hard I try, I always make the mistakes or I'm always the problem in the friendships, relationships, etc. I've had someone tell me that every problem that was ever cause in our friendship was my fault. It makes me extremely sad, because I believed him. I just don't want to make anyone sad anymore and I don't want to be a problem in people's lives. On top of that, my mother and I don't have a good relationship. She stays out all night and she only fights with me when I do leave my room. It could be over the smallest thing too..and recently, I learned that an "accident" that put my mother in the hospital was no accident at all, because she meant to do it. I had always had suicidal thoughts before this happened, but I always assumed it's because I'm only in my teenage years, and besides, I could never go through with suicide, no matter how much I wanted to. I just don't want to leave behind people who care about me, unknowing as to why I would've done it because I don't really share my feelings with anyone. This incident though, it hurt me a lot. She nearly succeeded in taking her own life, and was on life support and unresponsive for an entire day and a half, and it leads me to wonder...Did I have a part to play in this? Sure, I wasn't the one that physically tried to kill her, that was all her, but maybe I made her feel the need to do it, and even if I wasn't the reason,...why didn't I help? Why didn't I pay enough attention to her to make it where she knew that she was loved by someone. I regret being a pain, fighting with her, even if she was in the wrong. I just don't know anymore. Since this has happened, I can't get that out of my head, and it's only bringing me down to a darker place. I have no one to tell, as all of my friends, when I tried to tell them, either didn't care or told me to stop being a baby, and my family, it'll just worry them, and they'll want me to get more therapy. My mom doesn't know I know. I just don't want her to leave me alone, and I don't want her to feel alone either. Again, sorry for being a baby. I was really hesitant on posting this, cause I'm just not too great at this type of stuff. Sorry if I kept jumping around at stuff, lol. Did I mention that I was sorry?
|
self.depression
|
Oops trigger self harm I'm having a really hard time. My husband said I was being mean. He asked if I wanted him to make me food because I'm a vegetarian and he made a big meat breakfast for him and my son. I said no, it's fine. My son asked if I was going to just say no and be mad if they didn't make me food.
My husband was supposed to help me shower because it had been over a week. He set everything up and I said it was 2 hours after he said he would help me shower. He said I was being mean and I could have said thank you.
Then I started crying a lot and saying I wasn't being mean. I didn't have control over my emotions. Then I said I need alone time before the shower and cut myself. I haven't done that in almost 20 years.
Not good. I'm in a not good place. All I keep saying is my husband could help me if he had read the book. I don't even know. He wants me to eat lunch but I said no.
He said what did you do? Why? And I said because I'm mean. And we haven't talked about it since.
I think I'm in a really bad place.
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm probably just going to spam a bunch of subreddits with my emotional trash at 3:20 AM [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else look forward to the weekend and then when Friday rolls around get upset or worried that you have nothing to do on the weekend? If this is you, find something that you know you enjoy - reading! walking and listening to music! watching documentaries or a series! learning an instrument that makes a decent sound straight away! Like the harmonica (fairly inexpensive and easy to learn beginner songs, search harp tabs!) ask a friend out for a pint and play the pub quiz machine! if you feel like you don't have anyone to ask, then ask someone new, from work or a group you participate in, there are lots of people in the same boat. I'm going to have some red wine and watch David Attenborough's Wonder of Eggs... happy camping guys and much love.
|
self.Anxiety
|
My son killed my chance to make our future better And I am trying very hard not to be upset over it. Previously in Oregon I was a property manager, those people who rent out apartments and do leases, oversee maintainence, etc. We were offered a much better salary (3x what we made in Oregon) to move and we did. Little did we know the owner was a dick who wanted us to commit unethical practices at the expense of our tenants so the job did not last. Well it also seems like in Pennsylvania everyone wants you to have a degree, which I don't have.
Research was done, and we found that if I got a Community Association Managers license for Florida I could increase my income from $14,000 here to $55,000 based on my experience. I got together the little bit of money I had and bought an online CAM course.
From the start my oldest son, a 5 year old with moderate autism, made complketing the course difficult. The package came with six months access to the course. With my oldest and an infant doing the course was tough. But just as I was getting to the end of my access time (the course expires 12/28) I finished it off. All that is left is an end of course assessment. And no matter how hard I tried my son found some way to interrupt me and I fell short of the 70% needed to pass. Then my oldest pulled his dresser down on himself. End of trying for yesterday, must take him to Urgent Care.
Then life interferes. While at Urgent Care my internet gets shut off for non-payment. There goes all the progress I made.
It really isn't my son's fault. But I am having a hard time not blaming him. It seems I am doomed to a minimum wage job after all.
|
self.offmychest
|
I am one step away from curing my anxiety forever [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel so used and sorry for myself... My husband came out to me as gay end of July (see post history for more details)... Since the initial two months of guilt and gentleness from him, he has turned mean spirited and I feel that he loathes me.
I decided to stay with him because our children are so young and I am not able to raise them on my own (I would have them 80% of the time, because if it was 50/50 they would be raised by a nanny when they aren't with me and I don't want that). I have decided to go back to work, and use his financial and day to day support to aid me in getting back on my feet.
He is picking on everything I do, even though I wholeheartedly am trying to be kind and funny, just for the kids' sake... I feel like he keeps baiting me and bringing up divorce. Honestly I feel eventually we will divorce, but if it happens now, I will be the one to suffer most, and I feel so so bad for myself. 50% if the time I feel empowered and strong, and the other 50% of the time I want to run away from this life and start over... I feel such Strong self pity and I hate it. He is making it harder as I feel his guilt has worn off and I'm here picking up the pieces.. there is sooooo much good in my life, my kids, my health, my family and friends, but I just feel like I'm always on the verge of tears..
|
self.offmychest
|
You know you’re depression is bad because you’re in tears after Popeyes tells you they don’t have any onion rings [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Fullfilling Obligations before I die Anyone have any tips on this??
I’ve reached an all time low. I don’t want to live, I actually have nothing to live for and genuinely EVERYone will be better off with me dead.
That being said I have a concert with a friend on Thursday and I mind kids for a living, I don’t want to leave my friend stuck and I can’t just not pick the kids up from school.
I’ve quit my job but am waiting for the family to find a replacement. I don’t think I can wait that long.
I want to die now.
Please help
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Three strikes and out Had total of four treatments. Recovery from each was progressively worse. Paranoia, anxiety, extreme memory loss to the point I couldn't recognize wife or children. Ended up in locked room as the paranoid me became the angry me. I knew something was wrongs, I literally felt short circuited, and lashed out at staff, doctors and family. My first, and really only memory of this time, was ripping plumbing off the sink as I prepared to combat staff as I wanted the hell out of the nightmare I was living. As crazy as it sounds that was a beginning of my recovery. Today I'm stable but have lost big chunks of memories. Events one normally would never forget. Getting married, birth of children, pa#ing of family members much less the little events of life that connect so much of who we are. I thank God I had an advocate in my wife that was able to say enough. The docs kept saying just one more, just one more. Today I'm stable and my BP is under control through meds. Don't take this treatment lightly. It can have ramifications far and long that aren't always positive. Best of luck, T.
|
self.bipolar
|
I’m about to lose my home. After not being able to pay my mortgage for over a year I am, rightfully, about to lose my home. I told my mother the basics of the situation, but the thought of sitting down with my family and telling them how substantially I failed is more than I have the strength to face.
I’m a coward and a failure. I don’t know how to face those around me knowing that I could have asked for help, but I was too afraid to. I hid and avoided my problems until I couldn’t hide anymore. The only thing keeping me from killing myself right now is that I know how much it would hurt my family. How can I live with myself? I don’t know how to manage. The thought of facing my shortcomings and being judged destroys me every day.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Policy Update - Posting Your Own Content After some discussion, we thought it would be a good idea to clarify policies surrounding posting your own content (blogs, youtube videos, websites, etc). This is allowed! Please carefully consider how "out" you want to be before posting. You may not want your face and name associated with your reddit account, so please take reasonable precautions and think this through.
Posts that seem "spammy" may be removed. Red flags such as brand new accounts or sending the same link to many subreddits may result in a post being removed. If you are concerned that your post might look spammy please message us before posting. If you want to use a throwaway account to protect your privacy just let us know.
Thanks guys, have a great weekend!
|
self.bipolar
|
New to Risperdal; do side effects subside? I'm 27 years old and was just diagnosed with bipolar type II after Prozac treating what they thought was depression sent me into a psychotic episode. I was diagnosed with major depression & generalized anxiety disorder at 12 years old and just coasted on Wellbutrin XL & Celexa until college, then cut back to just Wellbutrin XL in college until about a month ago. I haven't been depressed in at least a year but my anxiety has been out of control for many years. The psychiatrist at the hospital was convinced the anxiety is a manifestation of hypomania, and put me in Risperdal 0.5mg twice a day. I started it 4 days ago and take it in additional to Wellbutrin.
Anyway, enough about that. My dose of Risperdal is very low at 1mg a day and I still feel like a [metaphorical] zombie. My brain is in a fog and I can barely stay awake. I'm terrified of driving or working like this. No general anxiety, though! Thankfully, I don't notice an increase in appetite either.
If you took Risperdal, did early symptoms go away after a while? I'm just a little disturbed because it's such a low dose and I'm already feeling like this. The psychiatrist eventually wants to maybe bump me up to 2mg a day, but if that's gonna make me feel even more like this, I don't know if I'd be able to function. I'm willing to stick with it if it'll make my out-of-control anxiety manageable at some point, but I'm a bit skeptical if these side effects will continue as long as I'm on it.
|
self.bipolar
|
I just want to talk. I just really want someone to listen. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
scared i'm always scared of gguughghiidk..like i'm too lazy to finish homework and study but then i get extremely scared/anxious if my grades drop. i'm nervous for the future b/c i feel so unprepared and clueless and i'm so mediocre at everything. i don't understand myself at all :// i'm also scared of bugs
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’m not sure how to feel now My grandpa had to pick me up from my therapists office a week ago. I was in such a great mood. I felt on top of the world. We usually talk about dumb stuff together, anything from his childhood to aliens, but this time the conversation turned very sad. He asked me if I remembered my parents divorce. I don’t really because I was young. I was raised by my paternal grandparents also on and off by my teen mom. One day my mom just left both me and my sister on our grandparents curb. I remember that. She didn’t even come inside she just told us to get out and she drove away. I asked my grandpa why my dad never came to get us. He lives within walking distance from their house. Why didn’t he ever come pick us up. He was our dad. Why didn’t he act like it? My grandpa told me it was because of me. I looked like my mom. My younger sister didn’t. Maybe that’s why she got always got treated slightly better. He didn’t want to see my face because it was hers. I can’t stand my face anymore. I don’t see my mom very often. Maybe once a month but my dad lives so close and he still doesn’t want to see me. He never tells me he loves me. Even when he leaves for a long time. I noticed because I always say it and he never returns it. On my birthday he sees me for maybe 20 minutes and avoids me the rest of it. I’m starting to think it’s me he doesn’t like. I’m 23 now but feel like an anxious 5 year old when I have to be around him. I wish I was someone he could love. I wish I was like my sister.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why am I a fucking mistake? I feel like a complete dumbass. I know that I am depressed and have something fucked up in my head but I don't say shit. It's like I want to keep on being messed up and down all the time. I've been feeling this way since I was about 12, I am now 17. I feel like I should see a therapist or something but at the same time I don't. I have such horrible thoughts and want to kill myself but then I catch myself and say I don't want to because I'm normal. I don't understand myself. I want to die. I want to commit suicide and I hate living. I cry everyday because I am alive and how much I hate myself and my life. I find no joy in anything. I go crazy and punch myself, hit myself with objects but then again I say I am not crazy. I see how crazy I get but I don't get the help I need. I mean at least meds will help me but I don't want it to go on my record. I don't want to lose a job because I have a mental illness.
Am I stupid for going undiagnosed and not getting help? I cut myself, I bruise myself, I make myself throw up, I binge eat. I have problems but I don't want anyone to know. Why can't I be normal. I want to be normal again.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anhedonia - My friend for life that I don't want I've been having anhedonia for almost 10 years now. Sometimes it's easier sometimes it's very serious. Usually when something extreme happens I snap out of it for a moment.
I accept that it's probably going to be there for the rest of my life. It all started when I highschool began. I felt like highschool was something I didn't want. It started with me noticing that weekends didn't feel like anything. It was all the same. I was just browsing facebook or played Bejeweled. I was always stuck in these weird behaviours that didn't even satisfy me. Movies and games I sometimes enjoyed.
Recently sunny winter weather time began. I've been waiting for this for many months. I feel nothing. I was walking outside and I felt nothing. I feel like a robot that acts only when something needs to be done.
I always rely on logical thinking. Something needs to be done. My logical self says I need to feel something now. ''Hey, this is a good thing happening, don't you see?'' I don't.
I probably like myself more than ever before. I have a house. I have money. I'm interested in things. I have hobbies. There's just this fucking barrier around me.
I recently had a car accident. It could've been very serious. I could've killed that young girl in the car in front of me. I felt fucking nothing. That girl just had her license and was crying. I didn't feel sorry for her. I don't fear for my life. I was very calm.
I don't fear for my life. I realize I'm not indestructible. I could always die. Anything could happen. If I broke my leg, this anhedonia hurts more. Much more. If a random person on the street puched me in the face. I'm not sure if I could feel something. I would defend myself. That needs to be done.
I'm here sitting, looking at the sundown that I see from my window right now. I'm a little bit teary eyed. Maybe that's a good thing. It's a thing that needs to be done.
Everybody says if I keep doing things the emotions will come back eventually. Do you know how much I hate that? Fuck you, seriously. I even did ketamine because of this. It's the last thing that could work. Yes it helped with the anxiety but not the anhedonia. I accept this. There is no other way. I will keep doing things that are interesting. There is no other way.
Because my mental illness my mother has a mental illness now too. She goes to fucking therapy because of me. I feel nothing. My logical self says I need to be sorry.
''My suffering made me selfish''
That's a line I often say. It's my defense. I'll continue researching things that could help me. I continue going to doctors and contacting people. If I could eliminate the anxiety maybe I have more emotions. Maybe I could have more ''space'' in my mind. The space allows me to focus more on the positive things.
I don't know what to say for people like me. Just keep doing things that are interesting. There is no other way. You are nothing without that. Then you don't have a path in your life. You need to create something for this world. Family is something. You are something for them. If you don't have that your friends have you. If you don't have friends. Art or something creative is something. Maybe you don't realize it at the moment but after years when you look back, I'm sure you will feel something.
|
self.depression
|
19/UK - Need a Heartfelt Friend Heya, I'm currently 19, living in the UK. I was recently diagnosed as having GAD and currently waiting on 2 other assessments for other traits that I may have. I've been shut in for a while, haven't actually had a friend for the past 4-5 years until about 6 weeks ago but we're having to split for a while. I really need to start making more friends because I can't cope with the constant empty feeling anymore.
Even if it's just general chatter, playing some video games, watching movies etc, I would be really appreciative if someone is in a similar position and also needs a friend. It would be nice if we connected so when needed we could also be completely transparent and have some heartfelt conversations, I have a lot kept inside.
I'm okay with either gender but I really do struggle speaking to Males, sorry in advance so I would prefer someone who is female. I also prefer voice calls if possible, words on a screen just feel so empty and meaningless, until I get to know a person.
I hope someone gets in touch, if not, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the rest of your day. (:
|
self.depression
|
For those who have opened up to their parents? What was the outcome? For example, how did they react and what did you do about how they reacted (positively or negatively)? If you opened up to them so you could get help (because of age-wise/insurance-wise), was it eventually for the better in the end even with how they reacted?
Just wondering...
|
self.depression
|
I'm in an endless cycle I dont know what to do. I need to get out of this house but i have no where to go. Its always been a trigger. Im lying here on the living room floor crying typing on reddit to keep myself from ending it all. I dont want to die but i feel stuck. Its never gotten better im always told im useless everything i do is invalid. I dont know how to change in the way she wants. I try and try but its never good enough. Ive really been trying so hard these past few years but i see no improvement. Its like im sruck ina nightmare. I cant live here anymore i just cant. But of course im just now getting my first job amd will be paid shit. I love in an expensive ass city and commute to school. I waant even good enough to get into a goood college. Im a mediocre piece of shit. Wtf is the point im a waste of space in this overflowing shit hole.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm out of rehab and so thankful. More later, but let's just say I am so happy to be alive, sober and on meds again.
Desolate
|
self.bipolar
|
I want to help others but just need opinions on this situation So I do this thing on the internet right. Not big but I have a dream. But lately life and everything is getting in the way. Like I’ll admit it I’m depressed and have been for a while and it’s so unmotivating. I just wanna lie in bed and sleep all day until I get better. But that’s been my excuse for almost 2 years. But the longer do i this i know nothing is gonna change. I do get sudden bursts of motivation but they are only for the day or two and they don’t happen often. Then i always end up back in the same situation. Feeling the same or worse. Idk what to do. I want to do something that not only would benefit myself but maybe other who feel the same way? Idk I’m thinking about livestreaming, playing a game, where the entire time i just talk to my audience about personal problems or problems on their own that they can share if they’d be will too. They can send it anonymously and i won’t reference a name and me and my audience can just talk about it and see if we can cheer up the individual. Like the one thing that would cheer me up when I’m depressed would be helping out others. Makes me feel worth it knowing that I can get someone out of a similar funk Im feeling. I’m just not sure if it’s a good idea or not, so I came to Reddit to try and get some opinions. Thank you.
*Not sure what Reddit to post this one in. Ima sorta new, I don’t use it too much. If i post it in the incorrect one or if anyone has a better one, please let me know. But anyways. Just looking for opinions. I wanna give myself motivation by motivating and talking and trying to help others.
|
self.depression
|
Everything is bland Everything I used to enjoy is now empty. Videogames are what I turned to have some fun and escape my problems, but they feel more like a chore than entertainment now. I have no interest in life. The only thing keeping me from ending my pain is my family, I can't make them go through with the pain I feel. My anxiety makes me fear people, but my depression makes me want to be around loving people. What kind of a God would create such misery? That's why I think religion is bullshit, but my parents seem to think God has a reason and he is our protector. I just want to enjoy life again. I want to be someone.
|
self.depression
|
Need help with appetite!! Hi all I’ve been struggling still with eating and currently have dropped about 10 pounds this month. (173 to 163) I’m eating maybe twice a day, but I have no interest in eating unless my stomach starts rumbling. I started taking setraline 25mg today and it’s supposed to help but I just don’t want to keep dropping weight.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Got hardcore ghosted. Super gloomy. Am I to blame? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Schizophrenia, suïcide the only option I don’t really know what I hope to achieve with this post. I suffer from schizophrenia since I was 19, and I am 29 now.
This is not a life. I can barely function, barely take care of myself, the medicine numbs all my feelings and makes me feel like a zombie. Stopping the meds is not an option. If I stop I become extremely unstable and unable to function in society.
Society treats schizophrenics and other people with mental illness like crap. I’ve been constantly disrespected and ostracized, old friends and family don’t respect me anymore.
I see suïcide as the only way out. Nothing else can help me, there is no cure for this disease. It’s constant anguish and suffering, I have No future, I just want it to stop.
Any other schizophrenics here considering suïcide?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
The older I get, the more I realize just how fucked up and unfair the world is, the more reasonable suicide seems.. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Probably ain't much anyone can do but I'd appreciate any advice. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
OCD as an excuse I've got years of experience with anxiety and agoraphobia but OCD is not something I know much about.
My brother is home for Christmas and won't stop talking about things even when we try to stop the conversation its all about him and if he isn't satisfied then he won't shut up no matter how it makes us feel.
He's now just claimed this is because of his OCD but from the little I know about OCD that doesn't sound right. Also him being an arse predates his mental health problems.
I have been a dick of the highest order on many occasions due to my illness but it's not me 99.99% of the time and never an excuse just a reason. Can you ever draw a line between the illness and the asshole?
|
self.Anxiety
|
The only thing worse than doing nothing is doing something There was a post here about doubts, and doubting where one is truly "depressed" or whatever. As I mentioned there, I can relate.
And not just because I wonder whether my down moods are down "enough," but also because they're so inconsistent. If I felt bad *all the time*, it'd make more sense, and be easier to recognize as something deeper than just "I feel bad sometimes."
I generally conceptualize my mood as more a case of **brittleness**. I have good days, and even good weeks, and feel like I've finally gotten a handle on things. Then something will happen, and my legs get taken out from under me, and it feels like nothing I do matters at all, and it takes all the energy I can muster to not just sit in the dark.
This in turn leads to my title for this post: these moments happen most easily in response to frustration. Not necessarily the feeling, but more frustration *of* something. So for example, I've been thinking about my career a lot, and how I feel just stuck and like I'm not going anywhere. I could list the reasons that's the case (or at least that I use to justify my conclusion), but that's not important. What I can't understand is why the more I think about changing, the more chance there is of falling off the proverbial cliff. Yet I have moments of hope, of feeling like I've made progress, but they seem to only last for as long as I don't think too hard about them. And this is how *anything* I spend time on in my head plays out.
My brain has all the mental resources that I do. This may sound nonsensical, but it means that any *problem* with my brain is as smart as me.
One of the things that parents of gifted kids have to watch out for is that those same mental abilities can be harmful. You're giving a teenager the keys to a Porsche 911 rather than an Accord. They can make more of the limited information coming their way, and that can lead to conclusions that they lack the experience to contextualize or to separate from their own underlying emotional state. So if your emotional state is one of anxiety, the world looks a lot scarier. But you can *justify* it, and the adults in your life know it. They cope because as an adult (at least a healthy one) you've learn how to balance existential dread against probability, and you've learned to appreciate things because of how fragile they are; the negative suddenly becomes a positive.
There's a [scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcKVgWYkZa4) in *Good Will Hunting* where Will goes through all the things that he thinks could happen if he takes a job as a code-breaker with the NSA. When I saw this scene as a teenager, I didn't understand what the problem was. He was right!
Fast-forward to now, and all I can see is the reasons not to do something, and why it's hopeless. Every decision I could make, I can tell you 100 things that could go wrong or 100 possible choices that aren't worth it. I can rattle off every experience I have that supports my conclusion, while at the same time hating the status quo. Then the whole thing just gets exhausting ([this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/7kjxf2/all_the_time_i_see_post_on_here_saying_i_cant_get/drfqpyc/) on that other story sums it up perfectly). So back to trying not to think about things.
And who knows, maybe it really is just a matter of learning to accept disappointment that I'm not doing more with myself and start changing (read: lowering) expectations for some aspects of my life. The rest of it's pretty good, to be fair, and sometimes maybe progress is too much to ask.
|
self.depression
|
Literally the only thing I can talk about is how pathetic and shit my life is. I've literally spent all my time thinking of whether or not life is worth is that I now no longer can do anything other than bitch and moan about my shitty life.
|
self.depression
|
Not sure what to do... Hey all. I just need somewhere to talk and hopefully seek some advice. Not sure what my next step is. I hope this is the right place for this, if not feel free to point me in a different direction.
I think I am suffering from depression. For the last few years I am having a hard time getting tasks done, I go through periods where I am happy and productive and others where I am down and anxious. The last year or so has been more and more down moments, but I've been feeling this way off and on for like...10 years? Just feeling really down and anxious when work piles on. Everything just seems gray and bland.Brief thoughts of suicide recently too, from “wouldn’t it be nice to run into a tree with my car” to actual real thoughts of how to get out. I don't think I could ever do that though. I can usually work through it fine on my own but it's getting harder and harder to get out of the down times.
The thing is, I shouldn't be feeling this way. I have an education, great wife, healthy son, and great career. Sure regular life stress happens, my mom in law lives with us now due to cancer which was a pretty big life change, but all in all I should be happy. But I'm not. And that makes me mad and ashamed because I should be happy.
What do I do? Can I just go to a doctor and say I'm down? Won't they just shake me off because I've never talked about it before? Do you need a referral for therapy? Does insurance ever cover therapy (USA)? We can't really afford that...but I can't afford feeling like this either. I'm not the biggest fan of pills to help, but if I need that I'm not against it. I've just never dealt with this in my family, was brought up in the “suck it up if you feel sad" type of atmosphere.
Thanks if you made it this far. Only recently have been lurking on here, and I see a lot of people dealing with issues, glad to know I'm not the only one feeling down. Sorry if my shit is petty, I feel like some of you are really hurting and I'm just getting along and will be fine. At least I think I will be. Any life experience or ideas or thoughts to share would be welcome. Keep fighting the good fight, all.
|
self.depression
|
Fear what people think of me even when they're not around me [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
cutting I sometimes cut, i try not to. Does anyone have advise on things to do or think of while thinking about cutting? thanks.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Question about Zoloft... Two weeks ago I went to the doctor for insomnia, bounding pulse, irritability, etc, and was prescribed Zoloft for anxiety that I hadn’t realized I was even experiencing. The first week and a half was AMAZING. Even on the first night I took it, I was able to go to sleep without Benadryl for the first time in months, and I didn’t snap at anyone all day. I finally felt like I did a couple of years ago before I started experiencing any kind of anxiety!
2 nights ago, I went to a Christmas party and had quite a few drinks (I know you’re not supposed to drink with it...I am the worst lol) and ever since I’ve felt really down and don’t really want to leave my bed, on top of having a panic attack last night and it feels like I’m about to have one tonight as well. It just really feels like the Zoloft is not working as well as it did :(
When my doctor prescribed this, he said to call him if I feel like the dose should be increased. Could I be feeling bad because I’m getting used to the dose or because I drank???
|
self.Anxiety
|
I found a local reddit post expressing suicidal intentions and I'm not sure what to do. I was browsing a subreddit for something in my area and found a month-old post from someone stating that they plan to commit suicide in the next week (a week from now, not the date of their post).
I would like for this person to get help, but when I tried looking into it everything I found was about how to help people you know who are suicidal, not an anonymous stranger who is probably in the same city.
I'm really not sure what to do, can I go to the local police station and show them the post? Will they be able to do anything with this info?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I hate myself my brain keeps screaming at me that I'm a pedophile. I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not just stop
|
self.Anxiety
|
Question about a guy I'm dating who says his therapist told him he's manic but insists he's not bipolar [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Never shared before but I have no where to go [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
"Unofficially kicked out" of shool because... Hello.
(Terrible english ahead! Also extremely long text!)
I have been living in a boarding school for the last year and 3 months (high school). There have been ups and mostly, downs that nearly broke me every time. Because of the sudden darkness, as I like to call it, that surrounds me if I make any mistakes (accidentally dropping sth, solving a math problem incorrectly, etc.)it has been very difficult for me to study like the other students. Still, I managed to get average grades.
Now, here's what happened this week. It is a long story with not many certainties.
On monday, I got told that I had to write an important math-test the next day. The grade on that test would make up half of my final grade in math. I also have a test in french on wednesday which was equally as big. Panic and stress overcame me and I talked about it with a teacher at the boarding school, who told another teacher, both seemed concerned. At 2 am the next day (tuesday), I threw up on some stairs and informed the same teacher about it. I went to sleep after cleaning up and woke up again a few hours later with fever, feeling extremely sick. Because it was impossible to even get up, the teacher told me to stay in my room. At 5 pm, my father came and packed ALL my stuff. He had to drive 3.5 hours from my home to the school. He told me, that I was being kicked out of school unofficially. I still have no Idea what the school told my parents and who decided to send me home.
I don't know what to do. If someone beared through this long, weird text, I would like to ask for some advice. I am confused, angry and cannot trust anyone anymore.
|
self.depression
|
Anxiety - and the little things that help <3 Hi!
Note: I’ve had a rough past few weeks-months with events ranging from the loss of a parent (cancer) to smaller (yet still unexpected) difficulties and my anxiety has been through the roof! In all honesty, it’s probably been worse this season than it ever has been, but today, I don’t want to focus on the anxiety, I just wanted to share some things I’ve found that have helped me amidst this all. Feel free to share what helps when you’re down/anxious/depressed, etc. too!
• Talk to someone – anyone! Reddit, you have been such a big support in recent months. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone when I feel alone.
• Brighten up someone else’s day (whether that’s a human or a furry friend. If you can’t make yourself feel better, make someone else feel better… after you do this, you might find that you don’t feel so bad anymore! I.e. Take your dog for a walk, volunteer a few hours at an animal shelter, cuddle your chinchilla, send a friend a text detailing your favourite quality about them, tell your parents/friends/family/professors why you’re thankful for them, make a ‘blessings bag’ of useful items/food/clothing and give it to a local homeless person, anything that will brighten someone else’s day)
• Immerse yourself in your hobby, whatever that might be. Immerse yourself in ANYTHING to get into that ‘flow’ state. (I’m no chef and I certainly don’t cook often, but the other day I made homemade soup and while I was standing there stirring it, I had this feeling of “calm meets focus”. It was a really happy moment.
• With 2017 coming to a close soon, write a list of the best moments/events that happened to you this year. They could be big, small, anything – you know you’ve got at least a few!
• Laugh. Laugh at whatever makes you laugh. Your favourite movie, your favourite blog, something from any of the subreddits, etc.
• Clean your house/room/condo/car, anything! Clean/tidy something. Even if you don’t have much energy and this seems like a massive feat to accomplish, just pick a corner of a room even, commit to 10 minutes of organizing it. You’ll love the results, I promise. I find exterior clutter doesn’t help with my interior (mental) clutter. On this note, light some nice smelling candles, spray perfume or cologne around your house, anything – nice smells can work wonders for your mental state.
• Take a shower or a bath. Put on your favourite music while doing this. Sing along, really get into it! I find that I always feel at least a little better after a nice shower or bath (or at minimum, cleaner.)
• Make a vision board of… anything! Places you’d love to travel, food you want to eat, dogs you want to pet, anything. Anything that inspires you and reminds you that a brighter tomorrow is often just a good sleep away.
• Go for a walk/bike ride/run/anything active! Bonus points if its somewhere beautiful and peaceful, like a forest. If you aren’t feeling up to that, just go for a short drive to see some beautiful scenery – the ocean, maybe? I find the smell of ocean air makes me feel so peaceful.
Most importantly – remember that while you *have* anxiety, you are not anxiety itself. You are still an amazing person who has lots to offer (whether you realize that yet or not!) and chances are, the best is yet to come.
Wishing you all of the sunshine this world has to offer.
What do you do that you feel helps with your anxiety? I'd love to know!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Finger biting? So when my anxiety builds up I bite the shit out of my fingers. Finger nails, and the skin surrounding them. Afterwords it hurts (of course) but it's a habit so I do it regardless. Any tips for getting rid of/helping anxiety induced habits like this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Happy this Christmas This is the first year of my adult life that I'm able to buy Christmas presents for everyone on my list. I learned how to save and budget really well this year, and it gave me so much satisfaction to look at my bank account and see that I can shop worry-free!! I'm so excited to see everyone open their presents!
Just a little happy-brag that I can't do in real life :)
|
self.offmychest
|
Things are great but I still want to die Just ended up taking a break from a toxic relationship and I feel really good and happy, but part of me still wants to die. I feel like I could go out happy now. Like it's time for me to go. I miss my boyfriend and I'm scared I'm codependent on someone who doesn't need or want me anywhere near as much as I need him. I feel weirdly okay but also like I might be repressing the agony I'm in. I need to die now. It's time for me to go.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Resources on guys or athletes who have overcome/managed depression? [removed]
|
self.depression
|
Trying to getting past a socially isolated childhood.... Here I am at 23. I have good friends, good family, good job, etc. but am definitely not normal. I am not real with anyone in my life every aspect has a different face I put on. I dont talk to coworkers, classmates, or roommates. Any time attention is on me I blush. Never had a girlfriend, despite kinda trying for a few months (meeting up and just hooking up with ppl via tinder/bars even so I have a lot of difficulty doing this due to not knowing how) but just dont really have the desire its just me trying to be normal. Been dealing with terrible social anxiety and depression my whole life.
Lately been doing a lot of introspection trying to figure out where this stemmed from besides a family history of mental health. I have ended up pinpointed one aspect of my life that unknowingly has had a important affect...being forced to sit alone at an allergy table throughout elementary school. This along with all the other side effects of having a deadly food allergy in a world where it was a new concept probably created a me vs them mentally and hindered social behavior. Sometimes I think I may have aspergers/austim cause of my inability to get over social issues and connect with most people
|
self.depression
|
Feedback or any sort of advice would be appreciated [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Vulnerability. I'm trying to be more vulnerable but im struggling. How do i practice it more i had success with this is the past. Trying to be more open and showing my rough edges. It was liberating to let go, but i seem to be forgetting how to do this. if anybody has ever practiced this or has good advice it would be very much appreciated. Also if anyone needs an ear, just hit me up.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I miss the days where I talked with people Now it's all gone, I feel so lonely and it doesnt help me chronic depression.
I feel like I'm forcing myself on people, like I'm bothering them.
I hate this.
|
self.depression
|
Good Options When Bipolar Makes it Hard to Work? Hi everyone.
So one issues I've been with my disorder last few years is that it makes it very hard for me be employed. Last couple of jobs I've had were lost due to having episodes. One got me fired due to acting inappropriately while manic, the other time I got really depressed/ anxious and quit because I couldn't handle the stress.
As a result of the mistakes I've made I'm pretty much unhirable and no one will give me a positive reference.
Although mood wise I've been getting better due to meds, the medical costs are really killing me.
My past job mistakes due to Bipolar have made it very hard for me to find work, and when I do I usually cannot function well enough to stay employed for long. Also I get very bad anxiety in addition to the bipolar so it is just generally hard for me to work in an environment with other people.
Lately I've been working uber to try and make some money, but I feel like the amount of pay isn't enough so I'd like to find something with a bit more stability. Also having strangers in my car really freaks me the hell out.
So I wanted to ask, does anyone here know of any good work from home opportunities that could be good for someone like me who is struggling to cope with bipolar/ anxiety? Would need to be something that pays a living wage/ doesn't have a rigorous hiring process.
|
self.bipolar
|
Do people who have depression know that they have it? My father keeps saying that he cant work because of depression and is often badly mooded. I am no expert, but when he justifies his actions and mentality towards employment with him being depressed and relates to the medicine he has to take it seems very weird to me.
He said that he had this kind of depressions for a few decades, but he managed to suppress them because he was busy with his work. Now he has lost his jobs two years ago and since then it has gotten out of hands.
It is something evil to accuse him of "just not wanting to work", but for some reason I just don't believe him.
Do people who are depressed are aware of their illness?
He does not seem to be depressed when there is a celebration or football on TV..
Thank you!
|
self.depression
|
Up again way too early I was up all night having to pee, or waking up and just going pee not sure which one. I ended up having this dream where I was in a big meeting and a diagram didn’t make sense but I had to talk anyway. To talk I had to take this big retainer out of my mouth and just hold it. People were disgusted by me and it was just horrible. I woke up at 4 and just figured I would get up.
I’m coming back from a week off for vacation today so it would have been nice to be rested. I just hope this isn’t me slipping because I can’t take so much time off work.
|
self.bipolar
|
17 year old been suffering for a year now and not spoken to anyone like family/ doctor about it. It’s getting really worse day by day. Any tips for me or anyone in a similar situation? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
My first sick day in a year and a half Earlier this month I started full time at a job that I only worked part time. So now I get even more coins, while waiting for the acorn to fall out of the tree and hit me on my head so I realize what I want to do with my life. Another story for another day. First, I don't like where my desk is; right in front so people think I'm the secretary. I'm not, I don't really know what I am there, I guess I just help out with accounting stuff when needed and manage social media accounts for another business. I already am uncomfortable when people come in with questions and I just sit there and say "um, I'm not sure." As if I couldn't get anymore uncomfortable dealing with people, I was asked, actually more like instructed, that as the accounting firm got busier during tax season I would help answer phones. I don't know if answering phones makes anyone else anxious but it fucking terrifies me. At my previous job, it took me FOREVER to gather the strength, courage, whatever you want to call it, to answer the phone. But I did eventually and I was proud of myself. I thought I had escaped that instant stomach ache and shakiness that came with the shrill ring of the phone. Nope. That's why I'm laying in bed at home right now. Too nervous and scared to answer a goddamn telephone so I called in sick. At least I didn't lie because I am making myself a little sick over all of this. But I think I'm more afraid of not knowing something about accounting. Since all the "accounting" I do is make files and package authorizations. I don't want to mess up and make an idiot of myself. It's amazing how much I guess I care about what other people think of me even though I say I don't care. Eventually I'm going to have to answer the phones, I know I can't take a sick day every day (although the thought did occur to me). Does anyone else get anxious when answering the phone or calling someone? How do you overcome it?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Depression or something more? Let me start off by saying that I wasn't always this way. I used to be an advanced student in elementary school and had a passion for reading and learning; I could absorb knowledge and I had a social life. Then, things took a drastic change in 5th grade for no obvious reason. I suddenly felt tired all the time; as if I didn't sleep enough. All I could think was "why am I so tired? I'll sleep more tonight" every day. For the first time in my life, I failed a test. I broke down in tears in the middle of class and was surrounded in anxiety and depression. I also somehow "obtained" adhd/extreme forgetfulness and started losing my ability to properly comprehend people speaking to me and use my mind's eye to visualize anything... I was uninhibited in many social situations (my best friend's mom thought I was using drugs before I even knew what a marijuana was) and extremely anxious in others. Stimulants didn't help much besides giving me energy and although anti-depressants help with my mood, all the other symptoms remain. I have a feeling that this is a brain tumor or brain damage because of how it affects me so broadly. I've never had suicidal thoughts and honestly, I don't think too much at all. Nothing crisp, anyways. I'm 19 now and not sure where to proceed from here. My mom believes it's because I became an atheist and my dad thinks it's because I just don't care. Professionals (doctors, therapists, psychiatrists) don't seem to know what's going on with me. My thyroid and bloodwork is fine and I got a sleep study done. Should I see a neurologist or another specialist?
|
self.depression
|
Panic about medication side effects This is my first time posting here, I just wanted to see if anyone can give me tips or has had the same thing. I suffer from chronic migraines and when I have an attack I take Tramadol for the pain. I've been taking this medication for almost 6 years without any problems now, but recently I read about a lot of people who have had seizures after taking Tramadol and now every time I take it I'm scared shitless I will have a seizure. Yesterday it got so bad, I was shaking and my heart was racing so bad and I felt super nauseous. I logically know that it's super unlikely that I will have a seizure, but I can't stop thinking about it. But I also can't stop taking my meds when I need them or the pain gets so bad I can't stand it.
Any ideas how I can calm myself down during an attack like this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Committed but questioning... I'm scared about my sexuality and who it's going to hurt [first post ever] I'm a 20-something female and I've come to Reddit because I need to tell someone in this world that I think I am bisexual. I don't know who else to tell and it's something o worry about every day.
Every day I become more and more attracted to females, but the problem is that I'm in a brilliant, amazing relationship with a guy. He can't be faulted... Which is why I feel so terrible that I keep feeling attracted to girls. I've even made a move on one of my straight female friends, which ended really badly. When we were drunk, asked her to kiss me and she told me I was being crazy and to go to sleep.
But anyway, that's a tangent.
I want to suggest a threesome to my boyfriend (who is receptive to the idea) but I'm scared that if I like it, I will want to stay with girls. But I am scared that I might not like it because I'll become jealous about my boyfriend being with another girl in front of me.
I basically just feel so stupid, and petty, and like I know nothing about these feelings I've been trying to suppress since I was a young teenage girl, and now I'm older and in a committed relationship, my sexual feelings are bursting at the seams. I'm worried I'll do something stupid again like trying to get with one of my girl friends... I am so against cheating and don't want this to happen.
I'm sorry that this post was so hastily written and a pretty terrible read but I need help figuring out how to explore these feelings and sexual urges without upsetting my boyfriend.
|
self.offmychest
|
Does anyone else feel hyper with racing thoughts after social interactions? I went to a group poetry session yesterday evening. This is the ultimate 'outside of my comfort zone' experience for me due to high anxiety to do with being in a group of people, public speaking etc.
Everyone was nice, but I couldn't bring myself to read out my poems as everyone around the table took turns in reading out theirs. I felt a bit like a black sheep. But just even going to this group was a massive accomplishment for me.
Anywho, I came home after the poetry session, watched some TV and went to bed. I haven't slept at all and I've been awake all night now because I feel hyper/agitated/like I'm having racing thoughts, but about nothing in particular. I've been productive though and written a poem!
Does anyone else experience this weird hyper alert and restless feeling after being so anxious? It kinda feels like delayed or residual adrenaline.... I don't know how to describe it!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Christmas reminds meme of everything wrong I know I'm being pathetic and self-centered, but I just can't enjoy the holidays. It's not because I have an abusive family or anything. They're very loving and caring, and there's nothing there, except for pressure to participate and some bad memories which they have nothing to do with. But christmas just reminds me of everything that's wrong, from the present race to the traditions and even the dinner. It feels wrong and forced, and this year I've spent the last few days bawling my eyes out, just wanting to get it over with. I should've shown up to the christmas party an hour ago, but I can't even get out of bed and get dressed, or even stop crying. It just gets worse every year. I'm not even a Christian, so I'd rather just skip out on it, but it's impossible with all the decorations and people wishing you a merry christmas wherever you go.
Sorry for ranting and not making sense, I just really needed to get this off my chest.
|
self.depression
|
I hate kids I do and I don't feel bad about it. I don't want to see pics of your kids. I don't want to hear your boring "had to be there" stories about your kids. It is not interesting, funny, or cute. Go away.
I would never wish harm upon a child but I'm not a fan of them. Absolute zero interest in getting pregnant, of course, or marrried either. Just not for me. I don't care if it sounds selfish or my worth of a woman is "less" (I've been told this before. Dating's fun). I have zero maternal instincts and I am very happy with my life now.
There I said it. Tired of everyone jumping down my fucking throat:
"have at least one kid"
"clocks ticking"
"You have to get married. It changed MY life"
"Don't worry, you'll find a man"
"Kids changed MY life. You should reconsider"
No just no. Accept that some people genuinely don't want that type of life for them and kindly fuck off.
|
self.offmychest
|
I want to give you all some advice - Look out for yourself Sometimes we fall into depression because we are going the wrong way with our lives, we know deep down something feels off, we know the college course or relationship isnt working out, but everyone is supporting you and thinking everything is going great. BUT ONLY YOU KNOW THE TRUTH.
You have to listen to yourself. Sometimes you might look like your doing the right thing to everyone else in your life, but in your eyes it just doesnt feel right, or its wrong for you. Only you can know that.
So many times my Dad laughs things off as if they dont matter, but the truth is if something matters to you, it matters.
Maybe your putting up with so much shit in a relationship, maybe your burning yourself out at a job, and because everyone is telling you your doing well you believe it. But trust me, you have to listen to yourself first and forememost.
When you get out the other side of your depression take this advice on board. Only YOU know what is right for you. Sometimes your parents are 100% wrong, sometimes your friends are wrong. Sometimes others dont want you to be happy because they arent. Just be aware of what you want in life, what makes you happy, what hurts you. Whats right and wrong for you. It can be hard especially if your views are different to those that surround you. But trust me when you find your way, you will help others to find theirs
edit - For me personally, there were things I needed to do, for myself to become the man I wanted to be - I wanted to get a motorbike, travel america, fuck a load of girls, move out my parents house - I didnt do all these things, I held myself back thinking I would wait until my dad died (hes old). But six years later he is still alive and I am a shell. - Go for the things you want in life, do the things you have to do to become who you need to be
|
self.depression
|
Mornings, ahhhh..... Mornings. Anyone else can wake up feeling pretty good because they havent had their usual nightmares or dreams(i dream of my ex almost everyday) and then you think about how you feel okay now compared to other mornings. But then thinking of how I'm sad all the time makes me even more sad....
Just woke up, kinda crying... Shit is wrong, I just wish I could rewatch our good moments, not even relive them. I just wanna witness everything, once more....
|
self.depression
|
in one of those moods where i feel empty and suicide comes to mind I am not going to kill myself at all. Do not worry about me. However, I am feeling very empty inside right now and also a little bored. Suicide keeps coming to mind and I am just imagining what it would be like. I get this way when I am manic sometimes. I think it comes from not really having anything I need to accomplish but having a huge drive to accomplish things.
Being like this also gives me a very strong desire to go out and buy some drugs or alcohol right now, just so I can feel something. I hate having that desire. I am not going to act on it especially since I am almost 5 month sober.
I am currently trying to find some music to listen to feel something but unfortunately I haven't found anything yet.
Just thought I would share this with people and see if anyone else felt the same. Thanx for reading.
|
self.bipolar
|
DAE get chills, fever sensations, aches, and flu like symptoms from anxiety? So I've been really stressed out for a few days now after almost having no anxiety for two months (yay!). Holidays (like Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc) always seem to ramp my anxiety up.
Anyway, I thought I was getting a cold Sunday night and freaked. Felt like crap Monday but pushed through, took a shit ton of vitamin C, fruits and tea and ended up giving myself diarrhea, nausea and loss of appetite for a little less than 24 hours. Woo:)
I'm definitely a health-anxious person- this morning I woke up feeling okay and then felt progressively worse. I ended up missing all of my classes for the first time this semester and just laid in bed all day.
I have a sore back, muscle aches, weakness, chills (literal goosebumps like you'd get if you had the flu or a fever), hot/cold sensations, my skin hurts and is sensitive to the touch, and random joint pains.
I went to campus health today and the NP said it's a cold at most. She took my temp and it was normal, BP was excellent, throat looked good, ears looked good, etc. She said there was no need to test for anything like strep, mono, the flu.
So it's leaving me wondering- does anyone else get these serious flu-like symptoms from anxiety? It seems like the more I calm down the more they go away. This isn't the first time this has happened to me- I can count maybe 3/4 times when my anxiety about my health was so bad and I was so convinced that I was going to get ill that I got these flu like symptoms from anxiety with no other causes and no actual virus. Even my temp and BP go up sometimes (even had a 101 once!) all from anxiety.
Am I crazy or does anyone else experience this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
im getting a dog and im naming him "Puppy Doggy" and theres nothing any of you can do to stop me.
|
self.offmychest
|
How many antidepressants have you gone through to find your best match ? I have ben through like 6 of them and only one showed a minor effect(sertraline), should I keep going and search for a more suitable one ? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Angry 24/7 Life for me has always been instability. The people who were supposed to have there shit together around me never did. I had to raise myself and I'm doing a terrible job. When I lose control over situations it drags me down more than it would a normal person. Like why me? Why!?! Why couldn't have a normal life? Am I destined to be this unlucky? Maybe I shouldn't be here
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm pretty sure that one day im eventually going to kill myself. It doesn't matter if its 1 year, 10 years, or 30 years, I just know that there's absolutely no way I will be able to continue for an entire lifetime being this sad. Aside from video games and drugs I have no real hobbies or interests. I'm still in school but I have lost all motivation to do anything. I have only been seriously depressed for 5 months now but those 5 months have felt like a lifetime. Sorry if this feels over dramatic but ive been feeling this way for a long time and just want a place to rant.
|
self.depression
|
Grit and Victimization Okay so I was listening to NPR on the radio today and they were talking grit. What people have it and why some don't. I mean very little is known but what is obvious is that some people under even the worst circumstances are able to not able to just survive but also thrive.
So anyways. As I am listening to this I start to have this revelation. See I come from a pretty troubled background. I have really survived some awful things. But something in me always kept me going. I didn't learn the term grit until I was in my mid 20s.
So I started to recall my ambition. Going to college and grad school maintaining a stellar GPA even during times of distress. Battling crippling depression and anxiety. I never gave it much thought. To me I needed to thrive in order to get out of my bad situation and no matter how bad things got I still managed to cling on to hope. So for me hope that all my hard work would path a better future was my grit.
With that said. My husbands family seems to always be in crisis mode. And I could never understand why. How was everything so lost and hopeless. How did they never manage to keep hope alive. I realized that the polar opposite of grit is learned helplessness. While I had managed to keep hope alive and stay gritty... his family had lost all hope leading to worse circumstances. Their pessimism prevented them from trying to work their way out of trouble. Their learned helplessness convinced them that there was not point in trying.
Today because of an NPR broadcast I figured out why I resent my husbands family. I resent them because they don't try and don't have grit. I resent them because I have been where they are and I made the choice to maintain hope. I view them as weak because they victimize themselves when in reality they are no more of a victim than I am.
|
self.offmychest
|
I failed....(pt3) I'm sorry I didn't update when I said I was going to, but better late then never.
I got to my parents house and they took my car keys...my phone was locked in the car.... They live in the middle of nowhere so I've been board out of my mind, even though I'm being watched I'm still trapped with only my thoughts and memories. It still hurts like hell fire when I try to speak, eating solid food is out of the question and the bruise is still quite visible. Maggie found out what I did and brought Amy to see me and that made me just that much worse. I miss my family so much. When my little girl touched my throat with tears in her eyes it was more then I could take and I haven't stopped crying since. Oh and it's Valentine's day and the woman I love it's going on a date.....
Does this pain ever face? How do I trust again? How do I move on?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
No one fucked me over as much as my ex did TL;DR My ex was fucked up. She made me fucked up. Now I'm fucked up and I wish I never met her.
I'm mentally fucked up, burned out, and flung into a cesspool of perpetual pain...I know it's really immature of me to blame ALL my problems on one person but no one really fucked me up as much as she did and I wish I never met her because my life would've been so much smoother had I never did meet her.
I'm bisexual but homo-romantic and although I can find girls sexually attractive, for some odd reason, I can rarely can be emotionally attracted to one. But with her, it was the complete opposite - I was emotionally attracted to her but never was I sexually attracted to her. She was 16 when I first met her and I was 17 and our relationship was about a year.
Cut back to a year ago, I meet her and I think I fall hard for her, emotions-wise, but cut to a week later, I confess to her that I don't find her sexually attractive but I just thought I liked her due to emotions. Then she starts guilting me into being with her saying all kinds of shit from the fact that she doesn't find it okay that she was 'my experiment,' to telling me all kinds of fucked up shit that her dad does to her. Pretty fucked up now that I think about it. So eventually I give in, I feel bad for her, and I go back to being in a relationship with her. During our 'relationship,' it was noticeable that she was fucked up to say the least, I knew her dad used to abuse her but I never thought that it was THAT bad. And so, the more I'd find out, the more I'd be guilted into being with her, and the more that I'd feel bad for her, and the more I'd try to stimulate my 'sexual desire' for her, to which there was none. Whenever we used to hang out, I'd notice everyone more than her and she'd always bring it up and mention how she's the most ugliest thing in the world and make me feel bad for simply not being attracted to her. So every time I'd be left alone, I'd just have waves of anxiety attacks all over my body, attacking me and leaving me bed-ridden. She never knew about these anxiety attacks because she was already dealing with a lot and I didn't want to have her deal with more shit from her "boyfriend." Throughout the course of our relationship, I would never feel as though I was whole or content with the relationship. I stayed because I genuinely felt bad for her, also because I felt as though there was no escape from this relationship, and because of the whole notion of 'heterosexuality' being that it was easier to say I have a girlfriend than it is to say I have a boyfriend.
Fast forward to late February of 2017, she was out of town and I was dealing with so much anxiety, I just wanted an end to it all. So I contact this shady guy (at the time I did not fully think through it because I was in such a state of desperate need) who would've provided help; needless to say, he ends up molesting me, performing fellatio on me even though I explicitly stated that I did not want anything sexual from him and I just needed help. So that happens, she comes back to town and I tell her the incident and she cries and I think the most she's done in terms of the sexual assault incident was tweet a 'NO MEANS NO' tweet in all-caps (because y'know all-caps sure as hell signifies that she's super serious and super mad) and ask her sister to make a series of voice notes of what legal action I could take in regards to the assaulter and seeking justice - to which she was pretty much saying don't do anything lol you have no evidence.
So I forget about the rape incident since I was already dealing with a lot due to this relationship & university applications & what not. So I eventually decide to tell her everything since the pain of it all was getting too much to handle. And she pretty much just makes it about the fact that I'm bi and that means I could be sexually attracted to her and that's all that matters (keep in mind that there were occasions where I was sexually attracted to her but very few) and this goes on for a few weeks until I decide to drop out of everything that I was doing at the time and eventually break up with her. Breaking up with her was the best series of decisions of my life. The worst; keeping in contact with her. All she would do is send me snapchats of her crying in the late AM's and voice notes of her crying & yelling that we were broken up. So for a good 3 months, we ended up getting back together & breaking up more than 6 times? Quite a lot of times to say the least. During this time, I resorted to self-harm as a coping mechanism. One time I tweeted 'love makes you do wrong things' (stupid, I know) but she read it and sent me a series of voice notes (while I was at the hospital getting my cuts stitched) not to critique the content of my tweet and check up on me but rather to talk about how her friends read the message and started sending her messages to check up on me and make sure that I'm doing well and how that sends off a wrong message of how 'our love' is wrong and that pretty much affected her deeply. (Also as a side-note, my parents saw me spiral into decline and didn't do jack shit but rather teased me calling me crazy or whatever) So, when we broke up for the 'last time' around June, she started hanging out with a boy. I got jealous and mad because idk possessive issues...I shouldn't have gotten mad because she was toxic for me but I did and for some odd reason and poor mental logic, I tried to commit suicide. I realized the guy could probably provide her with what she needs and I'm a piece of shit for simply not loving her because I couldn't love her. When I tell her what's up, she starts freaking out telling me how I need to go to a hospital or whatever but all I did was overdose on Paracetamol tablets. So I end up living and we're apparently back together because of my stupid mistake, and I try to commit suicide later at another date (around 2 days after my first suicide attempt) and that leads her to cry & idk what. So I end up comforting her which I mean why the fuck would I even comfort her? I'm the one who tried to kill myself a couple of days back, HELLO?! And yeah, we're back together and the anxiety comes seeping back in and I decide to just handle it myself and be silent about it. One thing she did was make me seem like I'm nothing without her and I did genuinely believe that I would never be as good as I would be if I wasn't with her. Seeing as how I saw that there was no future for us I decided finally killing myself once and for all around New Years of 2018. So I plan out my suicide attempt and I cry in anticipation of what would happen 5 months from that time, while she was out of the country on a summer camp program. She comes back from the summer program early August, and I start a new job. Around this time, I decide that I do want to live and I start focusing on my job. After focusing on my job, I apparently wasn't showing her enough love and I wasn't saying 'I love you' enough and that leads to a 3 hour phone call that pretty much was another break-up with the same girl. During the phone call, she threatened me by saying that she had 3 (which then later ended up being 2) guys who could show her love instead if I wasn't prepared to show her what she deserves. Phone call ended around 5 AM, I had to get up in 3 hours so I was exhausted at work. I end up crying in the bathroom and I made another mistake of contacting her calling her out on her bullshit and she ends up telling me how she regrets how she handled the phone call and that she loves me and idk what. We end up getting back together (seriously wtf was I thinking?!) and the anxiety and suicidal plans come rolling back in.
So I was hell bent on killing myself right, up until I get an amazing university offer from one of the top universities in the world. I decide that I do want to live so I end up making a plan of breaking up with her when I get to university and I could handle being with her amidst the anxiety up until then. She starts saying how I don't love her enough and she keeps demanding for attention even when I'm at work and we end up having full blown 30 minute arguments that apparently weren't arguments at work.
Around a month ago, it finally hits me that I got sexually assaulted/raped and that left me traumatized. I wouldn't go as far as to calling it PTSD but it was one of the most excruciating periods and sensations that I've ever felt. I'm still dealing with the symptoms now but they aren't as severe or they might be at the same intensity level but I've grown accustomed to them. On the first day of the trigger, she mentions that she should've been there for me during the day and when I tell her that she isn't doing jack shit to ease my pain or my comfort even though I was there for her all the time during her mental breakdowns, she says that 'she isn't going to cure me but she's providing all the love that I need.' And so during the period of a month, with the pain going on in my brain and balancing work and finally getting started with the litigation process, I didn't have enough time for her and she ends up making a big fuss about it.
When it came to the litigation process, I finally went to a lawyer and although that incident was 7 months ago, the lawyer did the best that she could and forwarded the assaulter's information to the investigative police department (who I doubt are doing anything). For the next 2 weeks, I realize nothing happened to my assaulter and he's still walking free while I'm suffering so I tell my girlfriend. Then she starts saying how SHE can help the situation and that the lawyer isn't doing anything and if nothing is done, she can then help find another lawyer and she starts naming lawyers (as if I needed names - I need fucking action). I then proceed to tell her how she told me not to do anything back when I confided in her about the incident and so she shouldn't be a part of this case since her initial response was to remain idle and let the rape be another person's problem, to which she said "No man I never meant that I was just advising you and trying to calm you down, you wanted to kill him obviously I wanted to calm you down..." So that's about it, I tell her I don't want her involved with my legal proceedings and that's about it. I then tell her that I wish my lawyer was as concerned with justice as she is with changing her messenger profile picture as a joke, and we began to comment on the lawyer herself. I then proceed to tell her how the lawyer pretty much gave me false promises saying how my assaulter would face legal consequences when the lawyer KNEW that she could do nothing other than forward the information to the investigative department of the police, and then my girlfriend decides to take her (the lawyer)'s side and commend her for her efforts and that I should be thanking her for what she's doing...I do appreciate the lawyer and everything that she's been doing for me because she is not obliged to do this at all BUT to promise me something that SHE knew she couldn't deliver was detestable and for my girlfriend to take her side was absolute bullshit.
So after that, I was dealing with the aftermath of trauma; on one occasion in an intense flare-up of my symptoms, I decide I needed to take a break from everything for my mental health and so I tell her "I'm taking a break from everything for myself and my recovery" and she ends up making it about our relationship and pretty much telling me that what I was doing was wrong and I needed to go back to her because she at least deserves the least bit of love after everything I've put her through. She was guilting me into the relationship again. I don't respond because of how bad my symptoms were. The next day she messages me and tells me how she might have an ulcer (because she decided to take 5 of the most potent pills within an hour time-frame), her dad is in jail, and idk what else. I feel bad for her and I decide to talk to her again despite my rehabilitation. The next day she comes back from the hospital and they diagnose her with a throat/gullet infection and not an ulcer and I send her flowers to her house. I stop talking to her because my brain was getting super bad at this point. The next day she says I don't love her. And that leads to the same conversation that's been leading up to our past break-ups.
About a week later on October 31st, we finally break up. I wanted to dignify her and break up with her in person but for some reason, she wanted it over text so there ya go. Immediately after breaking up with her, I cut all ties & contact from her. Strangely enough, I finally don't give a shit about what she's going through. I know she's going through a lot right now but I really don't give a shit anymore. Maybe it's because I've been through this so many times but I really don't give a fuck about her anymore. She messages me shortly after we broke up and says she wants to return my stuff and I agree. I sleep through the set time for when I should go pick up my stuff and she leaves me 9 missed calls. I tell her I overslept, and she asks me how my sleep was as a way to initiate a conversation. I don't respond. Anyways, I just want my jacket back at this point and I want to feel normal again.
I confide in my co-worker/best friend about everything that's happened and she then proceeds to tell me that I was emotionally manipulated and/or abused. I think that makes sense. All this time I thought I was emotionally abusing my ex, turns out it was just the opposite. I genuinely wish I never met her only because my life would've ended up being smoother. Like sure, I'd have my shit to deal with but at the end of the day, at least I'd feel as though I could handle my shit.
When I first got triggered, I thought it was solely because of the rape but now that I think about it, it might be because of everything that's happened to me for the past year. So bros, when/am I going to feel normal again? Is my brain going to recover from the trauma? Why are girls the devil? All meaningful questions that I think should be answered.
|
self.offmychest
|
Switching immediately from lexapro to Zoloft, will I feel any withdrawal symptoms ? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I’m just really sad but scared of actually ending it all. To make a long story short, I feel like shit and college doesn’t make me feel any better. Aside from this, I’ve never loved myself. Middle school dropped my self-esteem to the ground and now I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be with me. I’m struggling with my sexuality and my parents are homophobic so I can’t imagine coming out going well for me. I tried talking to my mom about how I was literally about to end everything and kill myself last semester but I just got yelled at and called ungrateful. She told me that people go through tougher shit than I have and that her and my dad are too busy to deal with my issues now. I’m always there for my friends when they’re down and I don’t talk to them about my issues because I don’t want to drag them down. I feel like I’m at a dead end right now and just want this semester to end already so that I can have at least some of this weight off of my shoulders. I tried therapy for about 2 years a while back and it was working but my parents made me feel shitty for going because each meeting with my therapist cost $60, so they took me out of it because it was expensive. I want to end everything but I don’t want my family to have to pay for funeral expenses and have them traumatized for life. I don’t want to leave my friends behind because I know that my death would definitely take a toll on them. Last semester, I was in an even shittier place to the point where I actually walked around my campus looking for big buses or trucks driving around so that I could jump into them and get killed, but the guilt of scaring the driver and those around me at that moment was too much for me to handle. I do feel better now but I can feel myself sinking again. I just don’t know what to do right now and I’m lost. There might be grammar errors in this but I don’t care. I just want to talk to someone, please. I don’t know what to do and I feel like a lost cause; it really seems like I will only last 18 years if I keep this roller coaster of emotions up.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Deep regrets I’m very new to reddit, keep in mind I’m writing this one mobile. Before I start let me give you an idea who I am. I’m Hispanic, male, a junior in high school, overweight (210) 5’4 in height, I’m autistic and am diagnosed with aspergers, so forgive my incoherent writing, I also have mood disorder and adhd I’m also currently 17. I know for a fact that I’m relapsing. I’m normally a neutral feeling person. Not happy, not sad, just blank. Back in 2015-2016 I was in my freshman year at this highschool that’s infamous for all of these preppy rich kids. Very few minority’s, and if you were one, you were mostly poor. I had been bullied and had been an outcast since well I started school since kinder. Stupid I know. I have a loving family, I’m privileged as hell, shit I own all generations of Xbox consoles, but do keep in mind I worked and saved for those things. Anyways back to the point. I was still crushed over these two girls that rejected me back in 8th grade. And I was in swimming, forgot to mention that. I was slow as hell but I lost a shit ton of weight. Anyways I was super bad at algebra 1. Part of it was a combination of a bad teacher and a bad student. But I’m willing to take most of the blame.
One of the things this fucker of a teacher did was held me during lunch (keep in mind this was for winter finals) was ask me “what does Y in Y=mx+b Stand for?” For a whole lunch period (45 or 50 minutes) I sat their and never knew the answer. The bell rang and he said with a jackass smirk, “y equals slope”. So later on I failed the algebra winter exam and I got swimming (1st period) replaces with two periods of credit/algebra 1 recovery (1st and 2nd period). I was being bullied verbally, mentally, and emotionally, by people I thought I could trust. I had small mental breakdowns earlier in the year but I kept it to myself.
Due to my failing grades, my parents took away all of my privileges, phone, games, etc... I was losing my mind. I’d sit in my room all day and day dream about those two girls. You know of that viral video MEMEME, remember when he almost catches the girl he lost but she falls? That’s exactly what it felt like. Except I was fighting for something I never had to begin with.
One day I snapped. It was around February. I had enough of it. I wrote a hit list and threatened to kill certain staff (that fucker teacher) and select students. I wrote evil things with demonic essence. My demons had taken over. I was moron and told someone about it, which in turn somehow got to a parent and they told the school. Now I wouldn’t be in the position I live now if earlier a school tragedy happened. Technically it wasn’t the schools problem, as the kid was long gone from the district, but he killed himself. The school took this deeply and bad enough I got harassed for not going to this kids funeral. I believe due to the suicide the school had an adverse reaction to my threats. So my best friend and his mom take me to go eat hot dogs one day, during when we eat, the vice principal would visit my apartment and tell my parents about the hit list. My parents were shocked and my dad almost fainted. Later that night my parents said they had to take me to a hospital for “blood work”. Blood work at 9 at night, right after I ate? Whatever. Too bad I didn’t question it. I was put in a emergency room and then the question came. “Did you want to kill anyone?” Of course I cried and said no. But in reality and in the current day, I wish I said yes or that I did commit such an act. I wouldn’t be alive or I would be behind bars where I truly belong
I was submitted in a mental hospital for 10 days. Where I got more trauma than I got help. Then IOP for 3 grueling months. I was such an outcast that I had a dream about aliens, which signifies that I feel like an outsider to the situation I’m in. I finally got out and finished my rest of the semester. But then came court and the trials. It was a unnerving process. But I came out as innocent and had parole for 6 months and did 8 hours of community service. Keep in mind I was labeled as a terrorist due to the act I planned to commit. I went to an ok private school than I moved to a public school, which is the one I’m at now. Everything would be fine after that. Granted the private school fucked up my credits and I took junior classes as a sophomore. Now I’m a junior and taking sophomore classes . It’s awful. So much immaturity. The only classes that are junior are English and math models (technically credit recovery for algebra 1).
Now on to the modern day. For that past month my sleep has been rocky. I gained all the weight back but I’m attempting to lose it as much as I can. My dad almost kicked me out of the house. I constantly visit some of my former teachers when I was a sophomore at this new school I’m currently at. I came around the 2nd semester. But I feel like any of the school staff I pour my heart to I feel like I’m bothering in some form or way. Just today my choir teacher (this is my first time ever in choir) said we were having a fundraiser for kids with not so great home life. I kinda got “triggered”. I wanted to cry but I kept the tears inside. Sometimes I wonder if I ever suffer enough? Ya know? Like I feel like depression and getting abused verbally, mentally and emotionally isn’t really suffering? But what do I know right? I’m a terrorist, a juvenile delinquent. I constantly talk to my counselor (bless her) and the school psychologist (bless her too). I feel like I’m getting nowhere. Just before the thanksgiving break (I live in the U.S, specifically in Texas), I had emailed them both about my home situation. I cried like a bitch in front of them both and looking at it I feel like a pathetic sack of shit who should be crying.
The psychologist got extremely worried due to my extreme sadness and being so low. I feel like the counselor and the psychologist are disgusted with that they have to deal with. But that’s I what I feel and they’re both great people who do their job right. I grow tired of caring for school. The other day I fell asleep in geometry and the teacher lectured me about “if you’re going to use this class to sleep than I will make a parent teacher conference”. What a dick. I’m like one out of 4 kids who don’t give a flying fuck anymore and yet they don’t get pestered on.
As for today, I feel like shit and have considered just skipping school. It never really truly teaches you about life. I told some teachers before the break that I might not come back to school due to my situation. They all felt sorry. One got extremely worried (bless her heart) and cared. My parents love me, but they’re my parents, not my friends. They’re people I have to legally live with for the time being. I feel sad with no clear feeling of motivation. I’ve considered just dropping out but I’m not sure. After the events I went through, I have no clue who I am anymore...
|
self.depression
|
girlfriend had a Mental breakdown the other day. how can i help? Hey Guys,
i need some advice how to deal with a situation i am confronted with a few times now. Also, english is not my first language, so please be patient with me.
I (24) am in a committed long distance relationship with my GF (23), who is living and going to school in another town a few hours away from me.
She told me she is beeing with depression for a long time now, but did not have positiv experiences with professional psychologist or doctors. So shes not in any sort of treatment right now.
She has these darker episodes form time to time where she needs more time for herself or is less energetic than usual.
I am trying to be there for her as best as i can, but can i do anything more than just listen to her? Are there any pitfalls i might not know about that i should avoid?
Edit: Oh yeah sorry, i forgot about the anxiety part. She stresses out a lot about her uncertain future.
Thank you for your time.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Do you guys think this was an anxiety attack? Hi I’m a 22 year old girl and I have suffered with anxiety and panic attack on and off for about 5 years. I’ve been great for the last 2 years as I have been on medication for my anxiety. I have put on a lot of weight lately (I weigh 177lbs, I’m 5’2) and 2 weeks ago I gave up drinking fizzy drinks and I have only drank water, which is a huge deal for me as I drank ALOT of soda particularly caffinated ones such as pepsi. Anyway today I drank coke for the first time in two weeks (I know 😞) then about 3 hours later when I was in work I felt really dizzy like the room was spinning and I felt like I was going to faint and I started panicking and went home. This was about 8 hours ago and I don’t feel like that now I just feel pretty tired and I’m worrying now about what if I feel like that again 🙈 Does this sound like panic to you guys?
|
self.Anxiety
|
To the man I love...please forgive me. This is what I would say if we ever spoke again. I’m writing you this letter because I have some things weighing on my conscience and I want to apologize for them. I’ve spent the last seven months doing a LOT of thinking--about you and me, about our situations, about myself, my past, my emotional state--and I feel like I’ve gained the necessary distance and objectivity to really see everything for what it was (and wasn’t).
First of all, I’m not angry with you. Not at all. You did nothing wrong. Sure you may have taken advantage of me a little, but you’re human and that’s normal. It doesn’t make you a bad person, nor does it make you guilty of anything but wanting love and affection. I’m still a bit angry at myself...but that’s a whole other story and it doesn’t really matter right now, at least not in terms of what I have to say to you.
Second of all, I feel like I owe you an apology for not being truly empathetic to your situation. It was one of those things where I confused empathy with sympathy. True empathy would have meant, at the time of you proposing that we become lovers, stepping back and realizing that you were in a bad spot, emotionally speaking, and that me being in your life would just be getting in the way of you healing from your break-up. True empathy--to you and to myself--would have meant turning you down. Or at the very least, getting out of the way as soon as I realized you were still in love with your ex. So like...after our very first date (you’re not subtle either). It would have been kinder to both of us.
But I hung on, because I was delusional and thought that maybe I could love you enough for both of us. Maybe I could just love all that sadness and depression and loneliness right out of you. Maybe if I held you tight enough, supported you strongly enough, you wouldn’t be sad anymore. I didn’t know what it felt like to be grieving a relationship, to be emotionally unavailable, because I hadn’t yet walked away from you. I hadn’t ever had to mourn the loss of someone like you were mourning her. Yet. I get it, now, and I’m sorry. I’m at the seven-month mark after walking away from you, which is past the same point that you were at when you and I met. I know if I met someone else right now, I wouldn’t be able to love them either, no matter what. No matter how amazing they were.
True empathy would have been realizing that people aren’t band-aids or relationship airbags or loneliness patches, and therefore refusing to be yours. I knew very early on how much you beat yourself up about things, and I should have removed myself as soon as I saw that in you because I knew you would just end up feeling guilty for using me, and therefore worse, not better. You never actively led me on, you were always upfront, and I appreciate that. But at the same time, trying to start a friends-with-benefits situation with someone to get over a relationship is still using them, whether you realize it or not (I definitely didn’t realize it either).
I’m glad I did walk away, even though it was excruciating. It was the best thing for both of us. We were both kind of shitty to each other, but we were also both in dark places. You were getting over her, I was getting over having been abused by my husband for six years. I wasn’t emotionally invested in my ex like you were in yours, but both of us had little to no self-worth and when you’re in that situation, it’s REALLY hard to see past the end of your own nose...as well it should be. You’re supposed to be selfish when you’re healing.
I’m also glad I told you not to contact me, not because I hated you or was angry or never wanted to see or speak to you again, but because it meant that both of us had a chance to step away and breathe, and to move on from whatever it is that we both had to move on from. I felt guilty for a while about cutting you out like that--considering everything you told me on our last night together--but it was for the best. You didn’t need me around confusing you and making you feel bad or worried, and I didn’t need you around inadvertently hurting me with your unreciprocated feelings.
Really, I’m just asking for your forgiveness. For being sympathetic, not compassionate--you deserve better than pity--and for not walking away sooner than I did. For hanging on too tightly, for refusing to listen when you told me you’re not ready. I want you to know that I really did love you. I loved your smile, I loved the way your lips pout when you sleep. I loved the little silver hairs at your temples and the way you would take my hand across the table when we went out to eat. I loved how you held your coffee mug, the square shape of your nail beds and the way you would say funny things like "no dice" and "I'm going for a butt." I loved your sense of humour, the way you would get uncomfortable when someone complimented you. I loved how your eyes would light up and your face relax into calmness whenever you heard a song you love. I loved your resilience, your kindness, your intelligence, the way you try to connect in some way with everyone you meet, whether they’re friends, roommates, or cashiers at the grocery store. I miss you, and I think of you every day.
That’s why I stay away, and why I’m posting this letter anonymously, on Reddit. I want it off my chest, but at the same time I don’t want to fuck up your life or get in the way of your healing, or your happiness. Anymore. You deserve the opportunity to pursue the things you want, to be with someone you REALLY want to be with, and to figure yourself out without having to consider me. And I deserve someone who sees my value, who wants to be with me, no questions, no fear, no hesitation. I can live without your forgiveness, but I can’t live with the knowledge that I’m inadvertently making things difficult for the man I love.
Be well. Thank you for all the good times.
|
self.offmychest
|
Anyone ever been so depressed that they don't even enjoy watching TV anymore? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
My stepbrother is a problem for our parents, and I could be a better son too. I'm living with my mom and stepdad in my stepdad's house. My stepdad has a son living at home who has been out of high school for a few years but has not pursued further education or full-time employment. He does not help around the house or contribute financially. He spends his days smoking pot in his room. He is verbally abusive to his dad and refuses to talk about his future or any sort of change, shutting himself in his room when someone upsets him. My mom and I moved in more recently than when this has been going on, but from what I understand things have been this way for a while.
My mom is not okay with this. I don't think my stepdad is either, but he has allowed the situation to continue up until now. Whenever he tries to talk to his son, the latter gets angry and refuses to discuss any further. My mom has talked to my stepdad several times, sometimes after I talk to her. At this point I don't think anything will change unless they get professional help, which I have suggested to my mom but it has never been pursued. Ideally, I think both of them would like him to move out and get a job that he can support himself with.
I'm worried about my mom and stepdad, but I'm also worried that I might be butting in where I shouldn't be. My stepbrother's behavior doesn't affect me as much as it affects them, since it isn't my house he's living in or my food he's eating even if I'm uncomfortable with the situation (and the smoke, on the occasion he opens his door), so should I just let my mom be?
All that said, I'm hardly in the running for son of the year either. I'm in college full-time with "okay" grades, but I've barely ever worked for pay and I receive room and board for free. I depend on my mom for transportation, as I don't have a driver's license. I rarely help around the house, partly because there are a lot of things I don't know how to do. Sometimes my mom even ends up picking up after me. I wonder if they allow me to continue this way because my stepbrother is worse. I tell my self I need to change, but I never have. I think my mom is proud of me for being in college.
|
self.offmychest
|
Nicotine and mania I'm going through a bit of a manic episode and I just used something that had nicotine and it seemed to fuel it even more. I know I'm an idiot for using it but I just wanted to warn people. I know you probably already know this but don't use nicotine during manic episodes. It might affect people differently then me, but I still wouldn't trust it.
|
self.bipolar
|
I just spent an hour and a half drafting my first comment... And then I deleted it after 6 minutes.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I didnt have depression until i entered this relationship. 22F To make a long story short, I began having sex with a couple who are in an open relationship. Its fun and fantastic and I care about them deeply, but I've had signs of depression since I've been with them. I've already become attached and I consider them good friends, but I can't seem to figure out what's wrong. My anxiety is through the roof, I have insecurities about my appearance and I second guess most of my daily actions. I can't identify whats making me depressed. I've never stuggled with depression my entire life but these last few weeks have been horrible. I don't want to stop seeing them, but I also wanna know if they could be the cause.
|
self.depression
|
Should I take anxiety medication? Hi guys.
So I talked to my doctor yesterday as my anxiety is getting worse and so he offered me anxiety medication... we (my doctor and I) have tried what seems like everything else before considering putting me on medication. But I’m kind of hesitant to take it even though my life is completely controlled by my anxiety atm.
So I would like to hear you guys’ experiences with the medication! Did it help? Any sideeffects, any downsides?
Thanks so much!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Can I just say I love this subreddit? All I see is encouragement and positivity on here! Hope you guys are achieving your goals today and taking steps to living a healthier life.
|
self.bipolar
|
Why do you always have to lie to me? [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.