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20 years old. In uni but no friends, mother left years ago with some random dude, only see my father one evening in the week. Suffer from BDD which can never be fully cured. Yet I am forced to stay alive for my dad. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why am I depressed during the holidays??? I really don’t know why I would even be depressed during the holidays. I’m fortunate enough to have a home and family where I live to spend the holidays with but something about it just makes me sad. The holidays make me think about how much better it was before when I was younger. Sigh. I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving and a happy holidays. Take care everybody.
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self.depression
|
Dont know what to do Im just at a point of my life that i dont know what to do tried to get into 2 seperate relationships one ended up teling me she was lesbian and more recently one girl i was trying to get just friended me for no reason. I fell out of place at home my friends what me to talk but i cant when i trie to tell then i just break into tears. I just fell like im falling into an endles abiss
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self.depression
|
self medicating, don't know what i'm doing. long post sorry I stopped my seroquel and remeron last week and my anxiety and possibly the start of hypomania has come full force. I can't explain this anxiety but it's just constant and I feel like I'm going to fucking die if I feel like this forever. I see no way out. To paint a picture I feel like there is a car in my chest and someone is slamming on the gas and break at the same time. I've also been shaky and have severe abdominal pain (can be because of my eating disorder, I have been purging a lot recently and haven't really eaten the past few days).
I took 6mg of klonopin for some hope of relief. my head feels kind of fuzzy but I still feel on edge and crawling out of my skin/or that something bad is going to happen. I want to drink some alcohol to help calm me down with the klonopin so that I can sleep. I didn't get to sleep until like 5am the past few nights so I really need to force myself to sleep. I don't know if this post is coherent- I'm trying but I don't even know how i'm feeling. it's weird. I feel like an alien. I'm starting to get some suicidal thoughts due to this insane anxiety and lack of sleep. Thats why I think it would be a good idea to just drink a little with the meds and just black me out for a bit to get some sleep. I just don't know because of the eating disorder.
Does any of this make sense? I can't slow my thoughts
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self.bipolar
|
You’re on my mind I can’t stop thinking of my ex wife today. It’s excruciating. After almost two years I thought I would be okay, but here I am alone sobbing uncontrollably just saying her name over and over. I cannot get you out of my head. I miss you so fucking much it’s driving me insane. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I haven’t felt this bad in so long. I want to scream it out of me. Why do I still reach over for you when I wake up feeling so torn up in my head? Why do I still catch myself starting to call your name, or look over at the empty seat next to me when I’m driving where you should be? The holidays are always the hardest. I miss you the most. There hasn’t been a holiday for me since you. The only peace I can get is at work when I am forced to focus on something else. You’re back in my head and I don’t know why, and all I want is to tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am for what I’ve done and how proud I am of you for what all you’ve been able to accomplish. But I can’t. I’ll never get the chance to make it right again. I don’t know how to deal with this anymore. It just gets harder each time it comes back. I really don’t have anyone anymore.
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self.offmychest
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This is how I describe depression to people. I’m talking to to try to help me. I’d thought I’d share it so if you want to talk to someone you can attempt to describe the near indescribable pain. One day, you'll be thinking "wtf am I doing at this job. Why am I here? I'm a fraud, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm faking it every day, people don't know that I'm struggling. I feel everyone thinks I'm weird because I'm dodgy about anything personal"
The next day, you're fine, and you feel ok, and nothing really bugs you.
Then the weekend comes by, and you have plans; but you talk yourself out of any of these plans because you want to have time to yourself; but while you're just hanging out doing absolutely fuck all, you're worrying that you're letting other people down by bailing on plans. So you ghost, and don't message them, hoping they won't notice that you didn't show up to the party or to dinner or whatever. In the moment you get that little bit of peace, but then the next morning at school the whole world collapses on you because you just pissed away another week.
Bleak outlook on the short-term future; zero ambition, not being phased that all my Your are surpassing you, just coasting like a fucking plastic bag in the wind. Everything's mundane, you only get excited when you have time to zone out. Reality is just this shitty thing for you, and you just don't want to talk to anyone about it. So it literally is this weightless weight that's just fucking your shit up 24/7.
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self.depression
|
my parents were so worried about everything they taught me to be a douche. I have no problems telling others how to live as if I wrote the instruction manual. Now as I get wiser I see that was just a way to hide from the fact I have no idea how to live my own life. Turns out nobody has the fucking manual and nobody knows really what the the fuck we're doing here. NOBODY. My next project in life is to silence this "mind". Lowering it %5 per day for exponential relaxation. A wise man (Sadguru) said something along the lines of "Thoughts are to the mind what poop is to the digestive system". I'm going back into silence now - enjoy reading my poop.
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self.offmychest
|
My first public anxiety attack I was working as a server for a casino, and I had a few guys who also worked as servers. I made sure to tell everyone I was married right off the bat. And then that night happened.
A hostess got mad a her boyfriend and took it out on me. She started seating me with every customer who came in the door. I was still within my 90 days at this point and wasn’t supposed to be given a full section (14-20 tables)
She wasn’t even helping with drink orders, just seating them and walking off to bring the next customer to my group and she actually got even more mad when they started asking to sit elsewhere (seeing that I had been oversat)
I told her not to sit me anymore and to help with drink orders because I still needed to bring some food out. And then she said sorry I can’t. So I found the manager and tried to tell him what she was doing before tearing up and holding up my index finger. I covered my mouth so I wouldn’t make that whine noise while walking to the freezer (cool air usually helps calm me down)
The manager and a co- worker found me sitting in the freezer trying to breathe. He asked me if I could finish telling him what happened so I did. I told him I was being over sat and the hostess wasn’t correcting the issue or helping out and it was because she got in a fight with her server boyfriend who was still on the clock and not getting any tables.
The manager said that he would fix the problem and I could stay in the freezer if I needed to so I could calm down.
TL;DR - hostess got mad at her boyfriend and gave me all the tables but refused to help. Caused my anxiety attack that started when I had to tell the manager what she did.
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self.Anxiety
|
idk what to do anymore this is really lazy. thjrow away account. not really who i am but...
i'm just done. i lost. i really tried. when i was 17 i was suppose to choose a college and decide what i was going to study.
AT FUCKING 17.
and just everything. i got a music degree. i don't have a real career. i don't have a job. i got laid off. i just. i got screwed. i fit the bill at thefirst.
im so pissed. i'm going to kill myself later this month. i've waited for four months trying to get a new job. nothing. i'm worthless. its over.
i just can't. i don't get it. i really tried. this is borderline rant. i get it. but i can't. it's bothering me. i lost. this whole time i thought "things will just work out" well new fucking flash, sometimes they don't.
and ive lost. im the loser. i have to skip meals. i can't pay for medical bills. whats the point. i don't get it i thought i did it. i thought i was doing fine. i was responsibile. i was doing good at my job.
idk. idk how to fix this. idk if its worth it. im 24. there are people at my age making 90K a year ez pz. i was floating at like fucking $24 an hour. now i can't get any job. i didn't fuck up, there was just a massive lay off.
so idk. that's all i have. is idk. if there was an 'ezpill' to die i would. idk. idk if i want advice. idk if i just want to die. idk anymore. i don't feel human. i can't pay rent tomorrow. happy new years.
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self.offmychest
|
There's nobody I really want to buy some board and card games but I don't have any friends to play them with. My family and my boyfriend won't play.
Oh anxiety, thank you for ruining a lot of things in life for me.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Can anyone hear me? Am I visible? I'm doing everything right, but I still don't feel any better. Seeing a therapist. Seeing a psychiatrist. I'm trying out Effexor. I'm still miserable, just a little less tired.
Dropped out of film school, I couldn't handle it. I feel like I can't handle anything. Like i'll never get an adult job. Always a failure, always second best. Everyone has their thing they're good at, and I don't. Or maybe I just haven't found it yet.
I have some good friends and a supportive family, and a low-stress job that I like. I'm surrounded by all of this positivity, yet I feel completely alone. Like no one will ever actually 'get' me.
I teeter between apathy and high delight. I'm so tired, so so tired. It is exhausting to put on a happy face when my world is crumbling around me.
does it ever fucking get better?
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self.depression
|
What is helping me currently Ive been struggling with depression and social anxiety for the past 8 years of my life. I talk to myself alot. I tend to scream at myself. I chose to take a different approach to my thinking recently. Usually my line of defense for calling myself pathetic and weak and useless and... is to deny it. After years of this I've found this isn't very effective at all for me. I feel like I'm lying to myself and being delusional because I have no evidence to prove the contrary. Instead I've decided to change my game plan to what is the value of my thoughts. Telling myself that I am a useless human being may be true but focusing on it doesn't improve my situation. I am starting to talk back to my inner monologue not by denying what it's saying but by rejecting it's importance all together. Emotion is huge for me so when I'm emotional, doing this is much easier said than done but the more I do it, the easier it is getting. I don't like talking to people about myself but I feel proud of myself for improving a bit so I wanted to post here.
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self.depression
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I've followed for a while but need some help [deleted]
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self.depression
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How do I help my boyfriend? He goes through so many depressive and suicidal episodes. So tonight was just one of many badly ending nights. I don't particularly want to get into the details because I don't find them to be relevant, but I will say that it has just left me feeling sad, broken-up, and wanting to cry.
I'm not very good at helping him. He knows it and I know it. I always say the wrong things, and I can never seem to get through to him, especially in times like these. It makes me so crazy, all I want to do is help and I don't know how. And no matter what I do its always the wrong thing, resulting in the horrible way I feel right now, and him feeling just as horrible as always.
And it's always the good people. He's such a good person. He tries so hard to please everyone, to make the right decisions, even at the cost of what he wants, what he needs. I see it, even when he's wreckless, self-destructive, when he's lashing out. I see it.
I just wish I knew what to do. I care about him so much. I don't care what it would take, I just want him to love being alive and enjoy things with me and not want to kill himself every night... I want him appreciate what he has, and what he will have, but instead he spends so much time telling me how none of it matters, none it is worth the pain. But it is, it really really is. It's worth it. I've been there, I know. It's so worth it. I would do anything, anything for him to see how great it is to love life. I want to make the suicidal tendencies go away, the depression go away. But I dont even know how to help him. How do I help him? It just hurts so fucking bad. I want him to love being alive, and I can't make it happen. It hurts so fucking bad.
How do I help him?
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self.depression
|
Separation anxiety and tomorrow I'm forced to stay home alone. Parents are leaving and I'll be home alone for 7 hours, longest I've ever been alone home for is 15 minutes. And my parents said 'you're 14 you can stay home' why doesnt anyone understand? I cant help my anxiety... it just happens. I honestly am just gonna cry myself to sleep tonight and cry for all of tomorrow and hope I dont go ask someone for help or something in the middle of it all. I literally have NO idea what to do and how to solve this or make it better. My anxiety is tearing apart my life and destroying everything I love and I just fucking hate it at this point. Sorry but I had to vent.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Experiences with flexiral? Been prescribed flexiral for tension headachs, caused by anxiety and depression. Any changes in your depression while taking it?
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self.depression
|
I am empty I don't want to be here. My day is a boring routine of absolutely nothing. I have fucked up all my chances of a future. I dropped out of high school. I dropped acid the night before my sat which resulted in me not taking it. I no longer have any friends/human interaction due to isolating myself for so long. I can't look at my phone because it's filled with messages of people trying to reach out to me. My life is ruled my my disordered thoughts around food and eating. I will never be happy with what I look like and who I am. I am falling down the rabbit hole into nothingness. I can't remember the last time I felt actual sunlight on my skin. I'm impulsive, horribly reckless, and self destructive. I dont want to die but I also dont want this life. I dont want to be me. Im tired of thinking about death every day and not doing anything about it. I'm not brave. I wish I was. I just want help. Please save me from myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My emotions have been getting the best of me guys. Sitting in the laundromat crying, over a boy. Relationships are hard with biploar. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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DAE feel like they are in a race against time? Lately I have been feeling anxiety towards not having enough time for things. If I feel my schedule is tight a certain day, I get anxious. Or if I want to practice on a certain hobby but also get school work done, I feel like there is never enough time and I end up being lazy and waste time to get rid of the anxiety. I was wondering if any of you guys can relate?
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self.Anxiety
|
I keep thinking that nothing matters because I'm going to kill myself soon I've been thinking about suicide for a long time now and I think I'm gonna do it eventually, probably this year. I don't really talk about these feelings with my family because they have expressed extreme disgust for suicide before. I'm not afraid of death at all, I see it as the only solution to my depression and problems. I've been in therapy so many times and on all kinds of medication but I'm just not meant for this world, I'm very weak. I'm a horrible person for taking the selfish way out, but I feel so so so bad all the time and I can't wait anymore, I want it to end soon. I'm posting here mainly to vent because I'm too afraid to talk to my family about this. I just need to figure out the best way to do it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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[NAW] I hate having a dog I’m sorry to all the loving pet owners out there.
I hate having a dog. I hate the responsibilities. I hate the feeling of being tied down.
My sister so badly wanted a dog so we got one from the SPCA. We had him for a couple of months when we eventually gave him away. I was so relieved. I realized owning a pet is too much work for my teenager self. Then, several months later my sister still had the desire of owning a dog. I protested a lot, but we end up adopting YET another fucking dog because she said she will care for it. Well guess what, my sister eventually moved away for work and now I’m stuck babysitting this piece of shit.
I absolutely hate it. She’s an inside dog (sister won’t let me keep her outside) and I can’t do anything away from the house for extended periods of time before my mom calls telling me to come home to let the dog out. Out at school, calls me. Out at work, calls me. Out with my boyfriend, calls me.
I wanted to go on a trip with my boyfriend to Yellowstone this past summer, but of course no one to watch my stupid dog. I am not able to go on any weekend trips let alone day trips. Must be sooo nice for my sister to be able to go camping, go to concerts, day trips, or vacations without any care in the world. Fuck you.
I can’t even remember what it was like before having a dog. The freedom I had to do whatever is elusive. I’m too selfish. I want to be able to do things whenever I want without having to worry about anyone else. Fuck, this goddamn dog is so annoying. This dog has been with us for about 7 years and I wish it would fucking die already.
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self.offmychest
|
I'm not okay. I just found out my (now ex) boyfriend has at least six sexual assault allegations against him, among a bunch of other sketchy things. After he has pushed things too far with me and I had decided to leave. I just started a rad new job and I've missed two days the last two weeks because of this situation. I drank too much last night and spent money I don't have on a hotel room that I'm in now because I didn't feel ok going home. I'm the most unstable I've felt in a really long time. I just yelled at myself in the mirror and am pacing around. I hate my brain and my life right now. It's like I completely forgot how to cope. I feel so scared and lonely and fucked up right now.
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self.bipolar
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I don't know if I'll be able to love again I'm sad all the time because I think I've lost the only man I'll ever love, "the one that got away" if you will, and I've only got one friend. I don't talk about this to anyone because it shouldn't matter. Granted its only been 5 months since the breakup and we only dated for 3, but I want more than anything to not love him anymore.
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self.offmychest
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Anyone here already watched Loving Vincent? Some lines in the movie hit me in the heart :’(
|
self.bipolar
|
I got diagnosed with clinical depression this morning My aunt had it since she was 20. She got married twice. Both ended horribly. She spent most of her life laying in bed and staring at the ceiling. She got diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 50. Her kids never went to see her. I'm 26 and I'm scared that this is my future.
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self.offmychest
|
In crisis at work (public school teacher) - what do I do?? I’m in my lunch break and having abdominal pain from stress and serious thoughts and plans to hurt myself. I don’t know what to do or say to get help from school.
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self.depression
|
Its the holidays and I still feel like shit... I shouldnt have been suprised, now that I'm off school, theres nothing to distract me. At school, I can fool myself into thinking i have friends, theres a group I sit with, but I'm more of a shadow there. At school, I'm distracted, I can just keep doing melianal tasks and feel ok (?) until I get home. I think I'm just gonna stay up, so its longer until tomorrow. But Im just fucking lying to myself, Im an attention seeking sympathy whoring bitch. Why do I always want sympathy, it feels like its the only thing that briefly fills the void inside of me and I hate myself for it. I say Im lonely yet I literally hung out with someone yesterday. Im in constant conflict with myself not sure whether Im really suffering or just an attention whore. No one has to comment, I just need to vent.
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self.depression
|
I'm just so tired Of trying to act like everything is ok. Here lately nothing will shake this feeling that everyone in my life would be better if I didn't exist anymore. I'm tired of trying and trying to meet new people and make new friends. I'm tired of trying to be ok with having my wife leave me for another guy. She married him less than 6 months after the divorce was finalized, and less than a year after filling. She took my cats and doesn't even have then with her. She just pawned them off on her parents. I just don't know how long I can keep this up.
Anyway, sorry for the wall of text and poor formatting.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I've been lying in bed and staring at the wall for 3 hours Any attempts to wake up ended up with asking myself a question "What would you really wake up for" and I'm still there. I haven't really had a passion or a hobby for a long time now, but I always used to watch tv shows, play games, sometimes even read some books or learn languages. Now it feels like all of it requires a magnificent amount of energy and at last I wouldn't even end up having a good time at all. I feel like nothing will ever make me happy so why would I even leave this bed. I'm supposed to go out with some friends in 2 hours but I don't think I'm gonna make it. I'm not even motivated enough to eat. And the worst thing is I'm only 16 and can't seek for help on my own. My parents don't really take me seriously. I don't know what to do. I used to be a very good student and now if I won't feel any better I'm gonna ruin my whole education.
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self.depression
|
Just lost an amazing job opportunity because I was too nervous to even get out of my car. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Too needy to live Long story short. Got taken away from biological Mom at age 2 for her drug abuse. Went into the system. Got adopted by other family members. Kicked out at 13 for being "bad." Back in foster care til I aged out. Never developed any sense of family, sharing or caring. Fast forward to meeting the love of my life in college. Had a passionate, roller coaster ride relationship for almost 3 years in which we lived together also. She broke up with me, moved out and 6 months later was dating a professional baseball player. When I found out she was dating, I attempted suicide. She saved my life. It wasn't a cry for attention or a threat. I wanted to sacrifice myself to show her how sorry I was for how bad I treated her in the relationship. Even though I told everyone she "left me for a rich man" to make myself feel better, I kno exactly why she left. I was a mentally unstable, ticking time Bomb of a person. Very quick to anger and result to violence, as I had ZERO nuturing growing up. I suffered from EXTREME abandonment issues---this would be the MAJOR and ultimately final decision for her leaving me. I was too dependent on her for my happiness. She was the FIRST person to ever make me happy, to ever make me care about life. And I didn't kno how to appreciate that, instead I drained it. She was such a "good girl" when she met me. By the end of almost 3 years she was smokin and drinkin heavily and cursing like a sailor and her sense of humor had become as callous as mine. I was changing her. I was stunting her growth. I was ok with stayin home everyday for the rest of time just smoking weed and watching tv and havin sex. I was content, but she was adventurous. It was destined to fail. For a long time I blamed her, for me not wanting to live, for her moving on knowing I'm hurting. Just this year I realized the shame is neither hers nor mine, it was the "family members who raised (or didn't raise) me fault to some degree. Now as an adult I have the option to move on, but I choose to sulk. I'm a decent lookin person wit a degree from a university in a lucrative field, and yet I still want to die everyday (4 years later) cuz of my abandonment issues. The only thing keeping me here is my belief that my luck is SOOO BAD that by tempt would be a failure and I'd actually be worse off. I wish she had just let me die, because I was right--NOTHING got better
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self.SuicideWatch
|
If I could pay $5 million to become unborn, I'd work my ass off to get $5 mill asap. Yet, I'm incapable of just walking outside and shooting myself.... [deleted]
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self.depression
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Mirtazapine Does anyone have any experience of taking mirtazapine? I've just started taking it along with Seroqel (quetiapine).
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self.bipolar
|
First time ever feeling anxiety in my life im 14 years old i cant calm down please help me i dont even care anymore, im super nervous, anxious never happened to me before
so i am 14, and i got a girl. shes super cute, and she expects me to kiss her. i know this, she had told me. idk how, idk when, but it doesnt matter. now we had a conversation on facebook, and after it, i am shaking, i cannot calm down, my heart is beating like im on cardio, my vision is becoming worse, cantw rite properly, cannot calm down
HOW DO I CALM DOWN? PLS HELP, LISTENIN G MTO MUSIC WONT HELP. EXRESCISES WONT HELP, NOTHIUNG, I CANT EVEN CRY,EVEN THOUGH IM INTO IT AFTER 2 YEARS
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self.Anxiety
|
I don’t have an interesting title. Not an interesting story, just day to day struggle with Bipolar 1 and anxiety. Actual quote from my psychiatrist: “I have about 600 patients. You’re probably the most over-analytic, most self-doubting.” Which is frankly, not surprising, but also...out of 600 clearly not well adjusted people, at least I’m doing something right. I don’t have a dramatic backstory: I come from a loving family, having an incredibly sweet and supportive husband. I just have Bipolar 1 disorder. And frankly, saying I’m Bipolar doesn’t completely feel representative of the experience. I’ve read memoirs like Marbles and Touched by Fire, which in some ways glamorize the mood swings. Not an actual quote “when I was manic I fucked like 30 guys then spent all my money on a boat and I live in the desert.” At least when these people break down, they completely break. I guess completely fucking up my life would be a relief. But I can’t do that because I have a good life. And I don’t want to break it. What I am tired of is hating myself every day. I am so goddamn sick of hearing that voice in my head that says “You’re not good enough. You’re terrible. No one likes you.”
I work with kids with ASD, going to grad school for it. Everyday in session I second guess myself in situations with clients. I think to myself “this Kid hates me. He can transition from playing in the gym back to the table with other therapists but throws a tantrum with me.” So today that resulted in me avoiding those transitions and doing any real work with him. It’s bad and I can’t do that forever. Thinking about disclosing my condition at work, mentioned to doctor and he said not to unless I have a specific accommodation. I just need to like step away and be like “You’re doing fine, fucking snap out of it” which isn’t really an accommodation. I don’t know what to do, thinking about taking a mental health day tomorrow just to chill
Doctor recommended a new medication, then said it would potentially cause weight gain. So there’s that. On top of everything else. I see a therapist but was working full time and grad school so not enough time to put in the work there. Ugh. Can’t anymore. I don’t want to kill myself, I have at different points in my life...kind of wish I did though.
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self.bipolar
|
1st day on Lexapro . Hoping I can take back control of my life [deleted]
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self.depression
|
How can I distract myself from these thoughts? How can I improve my concentration? My therapist has repeatedly told me over the past 5 weeks that I've been experiencing psychotic symptoms. I never felt manic and she agreed that I didn't appear manic to her (and she's usually pretty good at identifying mania in me). I also had an emergency psychiatrist appointment about a week ago with a psychiatrist who didn't know me, and he brought up the possibility of schizoaffective since I have a long history of psychosis outside of mood episodes. He didn't want to diagnose me with schizoaffective, though, because he said he didn't know me, which is a fair argument and I agree.
I've been feeling pretty manic since Friday, though. I'm getting a normal amount of sleep, like 8-10 hours a night. However, I've only realized today what a mess I'm making of my life. Going more than 30mph above the speed limit on the highway, spending $400 in one day, feeling hyper, distracted, etc. etc.. All the signs of a manic episode. It's just the sleep piece that's fine.
I don't have a psychiatrist officially. I can go back to see a random psychiatrist at my psychiatry office (since I'm in the queue to meet a new permanent psychiatrist for me), but I don't know. I feel hopeless about it. Like, I'm not depressed or anything. I just feel hopeless about getting help.
All I want right now is to be able to focus. I have so many new plans and exciting ideas, and the problem is that I'm overwhelmed by these thoughts. I literally want to do EVERYTHING all at once, and it's driving me bonkers because I can't pick. My mind hops back and forth between ideas at a million miles per hour.
I'm not hearing or seeing things right now (anymore?), so the voices and things I'm seeing are not distracting me like before. Thank god.
Can someone give me tips for improving my concentration and focus? If I can improve both of those things, I can do something to distract me from doing something impulsive and dangerous. It'll keep me out of trouble.
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self.bipolar
|
I hate the direction my life is going. Does anybody else feel this way?
Ever since graduating college almost two years ago, I just feel lost. I worked a retail job at an Apple Store for about a year and that was alright. I did an internship too that I kind of hated... I’m now in a PhD program and it’s just so damn boring and unfulfilling. And it just sucks up all my damn time. I also have a girlfriend that I don’t know if I love or not... That relationship sometimes feels fulfilling, other times not... And my anxiety is killing me. I have moderate agoraphobia that while it’s gotten less debilitating because I’ve been working on it, it’s still there and really limits me. Dealing with that is just so exhausting and depressing. The agoraphobia plus relationship dependency issues I’ve developed because of my parents just make me feel so limited in what I can do and where I can go, because I’m scared to do a lot of things and I’m scared to do things alone... This has only been over the last 18 months or so, which sucks because this isn’t how I always was.
Now I’m just starting to lose interest in everything. I’m starting to feel worthless again, and I’m starting to somewhat isolate myself and things like cleaning up around the house have just become so damn hard.
I just don’t like where I’m at at all and I don’t know what to do to get out of it... I also don’t know where I want to be relative to where I can be (because of anxiety limiting me), so I just feel really lost right now.
|
self.depression
|
Getting sucked back in I posted this on r/depression but I saw a suggestion to post it on here and thought this is relevant.
I've had depression before, I've beat it. For a short period of about six months, I felt amazing. I didn't care about people who didn't matter, I didn't feel dark and empty inside, it didn't hurt to be alive. But something happened in the summer that has made me feel that way again. My suicidal thoughts have returned, and worse than ever. It was a time when I was the closest to actually killing myself.
I thought it was situational, that it would go away, but it didn't. It just came back and it stayed, and it manifested in a form much stronger than it was in before.
What's worse, is that I really feel helpless now. I can't tell my family about this, they will only tell me bullshit like "the power of you will can change this" or whatever. I don't feel comfortable talking about this to my friends, hence me talking about it here anonymously, and my boyfriend tries to help me but I feel like nothing he is doing is helping, and it's not his fault, it's mine. And I'm afraid that if my brain stays in this stupid place, he will leave me, and my friends would leave me, as people have left me due to that before. I'm afraid I'll be alone again, more alone than I already am. And a lot of the times I feel like none of this is worth it. That I should just go ahead and end this life of pain already.
I don't know where I was going with this or why I'm posting this... maybe it's just an act of desperation. Nothing in my head makes sense now.
I'm sorry for wasting your time reading this.
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self.SuicideWatch
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13/7/2022 that's the date that i will kill myself. and it's so far away because i dont have the courage to kill myself when i live with my parents
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self.depression
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Some positivity may help My parents mean well. I was always frowning and wouln't respond to appropriate emotions. My parents never gave up on me. They are really strong-willed. I was all negative and they are really positive. They try their best to make me positive. They give me hugs, kisses and even bought me the things I want (food in particular). They never complained about my behavior. And I think that's what makes them great. I didn't need any of my actual friends (if I have any that is). My parents was all I need.
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self.depression
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Loneliest person in the world. I feel like I am the loneliest person in the world.
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self.depression
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Anyone else saw domestic violence throughout their whole childhood and teen years? How are you doing now may I ask? The cursed window I wake up Seeing reminding me of past. I now sleep facing away from it only to avoid it.
"Just get over it" I'm trying. I get that its in the past but I still see it and get reminded of it and I scared. There is no threat but still I feel the terror.
I just want a place to be and not be reminded of it. A place I can call my home sweet home. But I know if I'll ever find such a place I can only hope.
I deserve better and I know it.
You deserve better too fren
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self.depression
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I have successfully pushed everyone away. I'm a very introverted, and depressed person by nature. Most of everybody I associate with just does not seem to comprehend that. Two days ago two friends told me they want nothing to do with me anymore.
They don't understand I need time to recharge. Being around people can be draining honestly, and having depression all on top of this it really amplifies everything. Nobody understands and I feel so alone. I've tried telling people time and time again.
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self.depression
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Anyone who had emotional issues with implanon tried depo? I have bipolar and borderline. I can't take birth control pills BC of my migraines. And my implanon made me crazy suicidal. There are a few reasons why I'm iffy on the mirena.. thinking about buying the bullet and trying depo.
How is everyones experience on it?
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self.bipolar
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How do you get past all the worry and live day to day? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I'm scared to spend any time away from home I am 17 years old. I am very close to my family, and have lived a pretty sheltered life. The thing is that I have never been away from home by myself for more than a couple of nights, and in the build up to being away I get really anxious. This year I was supposed to take a couple of short trips, and ended up cancelling them because I couldn't take being worried about going away the whole time. When I go on holiday with my family I kind of just wish I was at home most of the time I'm away. Now here's where all of this starts to become a bigger problem - I've come to a point where I'll be moving away from home to go to university soon (and I will need to move away - I can't study what I want to study in my city) and I don't know how I'm going to be able to do this. I've always thought that I'd be able to deal with it, but now that I'm seriously contemplating going away I'm worried that I'll just get there and have a bunch of panic attacks and be miserable. If anyone is in a similar position, or has learned to deal with something like this, any advice would be welcome. I'm kind of just hating myself for being a pathetic human being right now.
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self.Anxiety
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Physical symptoms of anxiety? I experience shooting pains in my chest, shortness of breath, and sometimes even heart palpitations when I am anxious. Is this normal does anyone else experience these things? Thanks.
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self.Anxiety
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Is it possible to tie a belt round your neck tight enough for it to strangle you? Is it possible to die this way? I'm so desperate right now I'll try anything
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self.SuicideWatch
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Nothing ever goes right I hate my life. I hate college and I hate being home. I have tried nearly everything to try and fix my depression and nothing has ever worked. I have had four counselors and it never really helped. I have been on so much different medication but it never helped. I have changed who I was and tried to be more social but if anything it made me more depressed.
Now, as a junior in college, I just want to die. It's is so hopeless. I thought hooking up with more girls would help, but if anything I have become worse. I thought maybe doing better in school would help, but now I feel like I'm always missing out. I guess it's is true that the grass is always greener on the other side, because every time I have drastically shifted my life, I only became more hopeless. At this point, I don't know what else I can do, I don't have many options left. All I know is that I hate my life.
Sorry, for the rant, but I just wish my life wasn't so shitty. Why does life have to be so hard? And why does everyone else seem to love life so much? I know not everyone does, I have some friends who are as depressed as I am but it seems we are in the minority opinion. I don't know how much longer I can last.
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self.depression
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immediately imagining the Worst-Case Scenario Nowadays, much of my anxiety has happened when I made a mistake and then I immediately start imagining these catastrophic worst-case scenarios that would result from my mistake. Often, these absolute disastrous scenarios are unlikely and even unrealistic, but I still end up worrying that they would come true. Does anyone else experience anything like this? What do you do in this situation?
For example, last Thursday, I sent somebody something and told them something that I shouldn't have (that's about as far as I'll go in describing what I did). Right after I realized my mistake, my thoughts were "What if I face criminal charges for this?" or "My life is ruined" or "I'll have a really difficult time finding a job now" or "I'll lose my friends and family".
Now, looking back, those outcomes are most likely not going to happen. But that did not stop me from panicking and posting about it in another online forum asking others whether I was in trouble and what I should do (most of the people who responded said I would be fine). On top of that, I did not sleep well that night and I could not concentrate at work the following day; in fact, all I could do was spend hours researching similar situations online (not a good idea; there are a lot of horror stories out there, and none of them were really applicable to my situation, actually). I even took some precautions that probably were unnecessary to ensure that people would have a really difficult time finding out exactly what I did.
I felt better after going out and meeting some friends for dinner and drinks (I did not talk about it to them, though), and I really began to feel better after writing about it in my anxiety journal. But it certainly was not pleasant when it happened, and I really wish it didn't take 21 hours for my anxiety over this to subside. I have been in similar situations where I would just jump to the worst-case scenario and frighten myself into believing that it had a nontrivial probability of happening, but these were some of the worst sets of worst-case scenarios I remember imagining.
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self.Anxiety
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[Update] After losing a great/dream job and being out of work for a year because of my BP2... [Original post here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarReddit/comments/7gw3d0/after_losing_a_great_job_because_of_bp2_and_being/)
I have a new job! I start after the holidays. I'm super nervous and worried about the transition back to working, but I'm really looking forward to it. There is hope again! I already feel so much less pressure and stress... I hadn't really realized how much it was related to my not working.
I rocked the interview, got a callback the same day with an offer, and now after a couple weeks my background and drug tests are clear so I got my on-boarding paperwork yesterday. Its a great job, even though it pays less than my last one, has benefits starting day one if I want to use them, static work schedule, weekends off, and the best perk... beer Friday! Plus, I can walk to work which I hope will help kick start some weight loss. Woo Hoo!
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self.bipolar
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Heart palpitations when lying down How can I stop them?
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self.Anxiety
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Third time the charm Tried to kill myself twice in my life. Tomorrow I will succeed
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety and Intimacy TLDR below if you do not want to read entire summary. Thanks to those who do read all.
I have had anxiety as a kid. Competing in sports and always staying active, has always stressed me out, but because of my love for sports, I would just push through the pressure. Sounds normal.
Fast forward to my 20s and I have gone to the military and at the end of my 20s, began the road to getting my masters degree and successful career. All stressful activities.
With all that said, the biggest stresser has been dating. Questioning to continue a relationship if it's only about looks, personality, being a single mom, etc. All these brought about this guilty feeling and together with the pressure of performing, I developed ED at 28.
This lasted and sucked for 3 years until finally at 30, I was in an honest relationship with a girl I enjoyed and my ED slowly moved on. This didn't help the performance anxiety since it took her quite a while to climax and I always felt bad our time in bed was inconsistent.
Fast forward to today after a few high intimacy performance relationships and some low ones, I am with an amazing woman. Best to date. Definitely a slow start and still seeing some inconsistency, but I am now seeing a therapist for general anxiety. I have been practicing mindfulness consistently since the relationship and hit a weird area in the intimacy. Thoughout this, she has been the most patient.
TLDR:
In the past relationships, I would hope for the best and survive. Unconsciously, I think I had been just clearing my mind and enjoying it, but these days with my mindfulness practicing, you learn to be more aware - more present. Now I'm a little confused where my attention should be during sex to get better.
Is it on her touch, is it on myself, is it neither and just focus on breathing? Its been a week since we have seen each other due to work and this question has me bugging out because I want to focus on the right practice instead of the wrong again. If you can relate, please share your success.
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone taking Latuda (lurasidone HCI)? I am asking because my BP1 depressive symptoms have been acting up the last 3 weeks; less and less motivation, sad thoughts, withdrawing from people, wanting to sleep/stay in bed.
I told my psychiatrist and she told me to go by her office and take some samples until I see her on Tuesday.
I am asking because I am concerned of any side effects that may occur, namely weight gain. Several articles I have seen on Google list it as a symptom but I want to see if any of y'all can give me some personal insight about it, or if it has helped y'all from depression symptoms?
Thanks,
Desolate
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self.bipolar
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How is everyone's holiday season going Hi, I just started winter break, 3 weeks, exams were tough but I made it, but I feel sad now.
I stopped my experiment of "don't think just do" because of exams and I can't get back on it.
I went 6 days very well and I felt I was making progress, I was working on my hobbies that I believe I like but now I don't feel like continuing, and that makes me sad.
Today I had a talk with my mother on how our family is not as good as we thought it was, that it never was, that our family has been badly dysfunctional. We had to talk about NPD, but my mother doesn't know about that, she's the victim, she's the co-dependent and has repressed anger towards my father.
It was hard and sad, no family likes to admit they're dysfunctional. Its worse when you know that decades of pretending that things are fine without talking about the problems is what created the illusion of family.
I'm going to drop the "don't think just do" mentality because it doesn't work, it won't help in recovering the feeling of joy and excitement I had for hobbies and activities.
Why can't we enjoy things anymore, why can other people spend 10 to 12 hours or lose sleep and keep working on what they love. How do people have the discipline or enthusiasm or drive to get up and do what they love, and have the mental fortitude to not be shaken by family/work/school or other problems they face.
What happened to us. When did we lose our ability to feel lasting joy on any simple hobby, we pick something up and we lose interest in it after a few days, or right after some conflict occurs.
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self.depression
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I know they’re talking about me behind my back It sucks to know you’re being talked about behind your back. My coworkers are older than me, but I’m in a higher position because I’ve been practicing longer, but since we’re close to the same age, I felt comfortable talking with them. I’m already feeling panicky today and have been trying to manage that. Now I’m just so sad and feel even more alone. I trust too much, I feel better when I can talk.
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self.Anxiety
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I want to dropout of college and enlist (and forfeit my Air Force scholarship) I hate college, I hate my grades and studying, I love my degree but God I hate studying, it just depresses me and makes me feel like college isn't the right thing for me. In a way, this makes me feel shitty and like I'm just giving up, but also I think I'm going to fail this semester, which tells me I'm right. I'm a sophomore so I know this isn't some freshman BS, but I still don't really know.
My biggest issue will be leaving all my friends. That's so hard for me, and the biggest issue I'll have; I love them so much and they mean so much to me. But I feel like I'm going nowhere and wasting my life and it's too late to recover.
Ugh, I don't know what to do and don't want to tell anyone that I'm seriously considering dropping out. Blatghhh, if I do drop, I'm 100% going to enlist in the Marines.
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self.offmychest
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Surrounded by boring people? I just had a thought, that surprised me a little. I was feeling rather depressed and thought about why I feel that way, when suddenly this thought pops up: I find the people around me to be extremely boring. But now, is it just me, not seeing anything in them - or can it be true, and I might really need to surround myself with different people? Has anyone here been in a similar situation? I'd like to know what your thoughts are =)
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self.depression
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I threw a Hail Mary but got rejected for the final time. And my depression/loneliness is at a high. [deleted]
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self.depression
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How to get of Wellbutrin anxiety? Does it pass? *title should say how to get RID of Wellbutrin anxiety. It's been 15 days since I started Wellbutrin. The last few days I've been getting anxiety. Does this go away after a certain time period? Is there anything that can be taken to damper this anxiety?
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self.depression
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I'm fed up trying to take care of myself I've been trying to sleep properly but I can't handle all these racing thoughts. I keep thinking for hours and hours, I try to fight all of my anxiety and self deprecation but I just waste more time not sleeping or relaxing. I do techniques to calm my self down; counting, concentrating on only listening sounds, thinking of positive reinforcement to go through the stress, and lots of deep breathing, but I can't get into a place where I feel calm enough to rest. It doesn't help that i just feel lots of physical pain. I'm fighting off irregular heartbeats and panic attacks. I keep thinking i'm going to die even though i'm not. I know things aren't going to get better quickly but hell I feel like I'm trying so hard but not getting anything out of it. That must mean i'm not trying hard enough of course.
I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself; but if i don't i'll stop moving. I just want do do things to get better at the right time. I'm so tired of feeling headaches, tension, and other sensations i'm tired of trying to validate exist I want to choke something and hurt myself at the same time.
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self.Anxiety
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Onward and upward about 2 weeks ago I was in A & E because I had taken an overdose.
I was then sent to the psych ward for 5 days. I have since been
discharged to the home care treatment team who have been wonderful; they come to my house everyday and talk to me, sort my meds out. Without the support I've received from my mum and the hospital and care teams I don't know where I would be.
Anyway, since then I've set up a routine to help me get back on track. Firstly no alcohol or drugs,at all. I get up at the same time everyday, I'm dressed and ready to go at the same time everyday. I take my meds at the same time every night and I'm in bed by the same time every night. I make sure I do some kind of exercise everyday (this is limited because I have chronic back pain but I do what I can) and I do something productive, even if that's just the washing or hoovering etc. The routine has helped me so much.
I've had to drop doing my masters for now and can only work 10-15 hours a week now. This has been hard to accept, to accept that this illness can have such an impact on my life but I'm starting to be able to work with what I've got. I'm 31, living back home, temporary job in a pub and very little friends (I've had to cut a lot out of my life because of bad influences). Basically all I wanted to say is there is a way back when stuff gets really bad. It can take a lot of work, emotionally and fighting those physical feelings, but you can get there.
TLDR: Don't stop trying, you can get there :)
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self.bipolar
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Video games don't feel like fun anymore It's my only real hobby and I haven't touched it in weeks. I feel like I'm wasting time doing nothing.
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self.depression
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Issues with chore routine--does anyone else have this problem? Feeling lowsy about it. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I cried... And it was for at least 30 minutes or longer. I cried hard because I knew no one would hear me (I could not do this before because I used to live at home). And the tears did not fade like what people say. I did not feel better like what people say....and I still feel like crying up till now. I could cry again for ages....I now know I am truly depressed. Anyone else (please tell me if you feel the same)?
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self.depression
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I Was a Prisoner TLDR; My ex-husband found a way to manipulate the neighbors into calling him every time I left the house. He would drag me into his van and our neighbors would watch, sympathizing with HIM, completely unwilling to call the police even when I begged them to.
((End TLDR))
In another subreddit I am verified as the daughter of a missing person. I have given depositions in the past stating that I remember my mother being dismembered and fed to pigs. In short, it's true. That's what I remember seeing, and my mother remains "missing, presumed foul play" to this day.
I have only been married once, though I've been engaged 4 times. I've had a very, very difficult life. I've been through literally unbelievable (yet true, regardless) things.
My ex-husband used this to control me. He encouraged me to tell the neighbors about my experiences. He was very supportive, in the beginning... He was attentive as I told the neighbors, openly telling them that it was all true, and that he supported my belief that silence only protects the perpetrators and not the victims.
What I didn't know was that behind my back, he told them I told these "wild stories" because I had schizophrenia and early onset dementia. He either convinced his doctor friend (whom I spoke to on friendly terms a number of times, unaware I was being set up) to write a letter saying I had them, or he forged it. Regardless, the result was the same...
He convinced the neighbors that I would sometimes "go off of my medication" (I wasn't on any, because I didn't need any), and would wander away from the house in a crazed confusion. If they ever saw me leave the house, he said, they should call him right away. He was, after all, too poor to afford in-home care.
He got me fired from my job by coming in every day and threatening my employers/ managers, fighting with me, and starting arguments with guests. He was already stealing my money, taking my checks with violence. What money I could get and hide, he always found and took.
Then he wrecked the car, and had only his work van for both of us. When I would leave to try to walk to apply for a job, he would magically show up in his van and drag me, literally kicking and screaming for help, into it. This happened even when I tried to sneak away to escape in the middle of the night while he was out getting drunk.
The neighbors would stand by, clucking their tongues.... that poor man with his crazy wife. The sacrifices he made... Pity the poor fellow...
I was a prisoner. I did escape to a friend's house, but then he still caught me every time I left to try to job hunt, and would tell me in explicit detail how easy it would be for him to harm my friend's children and animals.
It was a nightmare. People often don't know what they're saying when they tell someone in an abusive relationship to "just leave."
I had nowhere to go and I had many jail wardens who, well meaning as they were, were extremely efficient. Sometimes it's not that easy...
(EDIT: I learned about a battered women's shelter, which was in a hidden location that only the police could take you to. I got my hands on his phone and hid with it in the bathroom to call them. I then had to work extremely hard to get the police to listen to me and agree to call the shelter. "They won't take you," I was told after they listened to my Ex's sob story about his crazy wife. They did finally call and the shelter took me. Strangely, the first year of the relationship was great, but then there was a single incident of violence. Nothing for another year so we got married. From there, it was hell until I escaped. 3 years in total. I got very lucky seeing about the battered women's shelter on a TV commercial of all things.)
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self.offmychest
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Not sure if this fits in here.. Heya
First of all, no idea if this shit belongs here but not gonna lie I just need to get it out. I am 19yo, have a job as programmer (actually it's an apprenticeship I finish in June, after 4 years) and last year was shit. This year didnt really start off good either so there's that.
So I just wanna tell you my story real quick, this will have some kind of identifying information but w/e dont give a shit at the moment.
Throwback to August 2016. Young innocent 18yo me on vacation in Thailand. Met some french girls, had some "fun", cheated on my gf of half a year. I come back home, continue life but after like 2 months I talk with her, admit I cheated, said some mean stuff because I am an idiot. It kinda drags on until November. She doesnt take it well neither do I, fucks us up emotionally.
Fast forward to January, my cat gets hit by a car and dies. I learn that after I searched every day for two weeks in the neighboorhood while temperatur is at -10 degrees and snow. I meet a new girl via Tinder, new girl new me right? Wrong. Girl is batshit crazy (claws at me, hits me, etc.). I take it for a while until she randomly ghosts me in April. I actually meet my ex in february and we made out (wasnt in a relationship with girl from Tinder yet, just meeting her for the 3rd time or so), she has a boyfriend though and doesnt want to see me again. Fair enough.
Oh by the way, my mom gets diagnosed with cancer in Mai. Braincancer and heart rhythm disturbances, cant get any better. She goes in treatment, goes well but super weak for a couple months (actually still recovering). Alright we're in July now, it's my birthday. 19th!! What do I do for my birthday you ask? I do coke and go clubbing with some friends. First time doing coke by the way.
August: my best friend moves to Italy for a year, can only write with her, sometimes facetime. Before she goes we're having some kind of "goodbye party" aka sitting on a grassfield next to a river drinking with a couple friends. I notice that I might fall for her, fuckme. I am her best friend and she constantly talks with me about the boys she meets and how they treat her (like shit by the way, not my business though). I tell her she deserves better, kinda escalates and I tell her I think I fell in love with her. She rejects me. Fair enough, kinda saw that one coming, just had to get it out.
A week later I try MDMA for the first time while clubbing, I enjoy it. ALOT. Well I told myself, even before I did coke the first time I'll only try out drugs once. Aka I'll try out coke ONCE. I'll try out MDMA ONCE, I'll try out Magic Mushrooms ONCE (havent done them yet), but yea, I think you get the point.
Fast Forward to September, I hook up with some girl on Tinder, clearly just for fucking, we become fwb but she never wants to meet. Tell her I am done with it, cba.
My mom has another operation, this time for her knee. It's a bigger issue than expected and she has to spend a lot more time resting (she still is, eventhough she's working again).
Alright bois and girls, we're in November now. Now shit starts to go down. My uncle has a stroke, my little brother has a breakdown and gets admitted to psychiatry. Wohoo, I cant even protect my little brother from all that shit in the world. He tried to kill himself. Multiple times. By slashing his arms. Greatest big brother in the world right here.
I get written up at work because apparently I work too slow. I do about twice as much as my colleague I do my apprenticeship with, I used to do more but well I cant really focus on work because I am worrying 24/7 about EVERYTHING.
My uncle is recovering, my brother gets the help he needs and we're moving onto December, I have several graduation relevant exams over the span of all of december. Stress levels are at the max, literaly holding onto my senses with everything I have to not lose it.
Make it through, it's Silvester. I do coke again. I promissed myself not to do any drug twice (besides weed), but not only do I do coke, I do two lines back to back. Great way to start the year. Actually make it through the night well, go home sleep it off.
Now to today, talking to a girl on Lovoo (for those that dont know, kinda like tinder but more for relationships), setting up a date with one for saturday, fast forward two days and another girl out of the same city of Girl A writes me, learn that it's the best friend of the other girl (Girl A told me the name of her best friend and I asked her if she's the same as GirlB). Girl A says no big deal, just decide between one of us. I am a fucking douche and try to play them and set up a date with Girl B(why the fuck did I think that'd work is beyond me, they're best friends)
Date with Girl A was for a coffee on Saturday
Date with Girl B was for a coffee on Sunday
Do you see a pattern? Yea so did they. They were both lovely but that's besides the point. They find out today, Girl A writes me and says she doesnt want to meet anymore. I say alright, I understand. We write for a bit and I explain that eventhough I met her first I kinda clicked more with Girl B, she says fine, I wasnt her type anyway and insults me for some snaps yada yada. Wishes me good luck with Girl B, but I shouldnt get my hopes up.
Now writing with Girl B, she's extremly pissed. (rightfully so, not denying that)
Honestly I am at a really high stress level all the time since November, literaly every day. I am not sure what to do to relieve that stress, i just want any kind of comfort...
So yea, that's my story, I sleep a lot nowadays, eat junkshit because I dont have the energy to get something proper, actually got a little chubby from that. My acne is still having a blast.
I have a good thing about 2017 to say atleast: I quit smoking after smoking 7 years. I still have a smoke once in a while (1-2 a month), but it's kinda repulsive now and I am glad I stopped.
Here's me, hoping for a better year but ready to be disappointed again.
**Sorry for the wall of text, just needed to get it out.**
**TL;DR: Fuck my miserable life, just let me curl up and die**
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self.depression
|
It keeps happening over and over again I thought of using a throwaway but I just don't care.
I've got a lot going on. Most of it is bad. The worst is that I cannot handle the constant barrage of sexual assaults and the "me too" campaign because people keep talking about it and keep acting like it's going to fix everything but when I speak as a survivor it is mostly ignored. Just because someone famous is listened to doesn't mean the rest of us will be.
I was sexually assaulted in a psych hospital in front of a nurse. We made eye contact as his hands were on me. I watched her turn away.
I was sexually abused for years by someone who said they loved me. He raped me and I hurt and I bled and it happened stuck on repeat and I was terrified but I thought for too long that it was my fault for being scared. As I was trying to leave he came into my room at night and touched me. So I ended up on the floor of my bedroom trying to will myself to self harm because the hurt meant I would stop feeling his phantom hands on me. I tried to reach out to a roommate I trusted. I told her what he did and what he was doing and that I was scared and felt like I couldn't do it anymore. She said she couldn't do anything. Later, when I left, she helped him stalk me.
I was doing better not too long ago. I have a service dog and therapy for my PTSD. I'm sorting out my medication yet again for my Bipolar. But now I'm getting worse again. The dreams are coming back. The flashbacks are getting worse. My service dog does his job and brings me back to reality before I get too bad, but I've just transitioned into anger and despair.
It's affecting my school work, and as a grad student, my job is tied to my academic performance. I can't do it anymore. I'm struggling. And I've asked for help, I've asked to just leave the program. But my words are selectively heard, not listened to. If I leave this program without income I can't be here anymore, anyway. My mom is so far away.
The worst part is that I know I just need a second to breathe, but I don't think it's possible. I don't know what to do. My service dog has stopped suicide attempts before and I know it would be a terrible thing to do to my partner, but I just don't know what else to do. Dying has been my contingency plan since I was 12.
I just need a second for everything to stop, but I feel like it's either nothing or an eternity, and forever looks really appealing right now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How can I feel secure in a healthy relationship? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Struggling I posted something to a private account of mine and somehow my classmates found out. They kept trying to access the account and started messaging me anonymously when I wouldn’t let them. I confronted a large group of them about it and they got very angry. I posted the message publicly to state my answer and they all got very mad and cussed me out and one of them told me to kill myself. It’s almost selfish that that one little thing has affected me so much in just a few minutes. I’m laying in bed sobbing trying to fight the terrifyingly overwhelming urge to fall back into my spiral of self harm. I’m almost 2 years clean. I don’t want to do it but at the same time I really do. There’s something in the back of my mind telling me I should kill myself, that they’re right. It’s terrifying. It’s been so long since I felt this way.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Christmas just didn't make sense.. You spend money on stuff to give away, you get stuff that people don't money on to. You spend time with people you don't care much shit and they don't really care about you. It's a waste of time and money.
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self.depression
|
My will to live is gone because my relationship is of 9 years is over and I don't know what to do, please help me I posted to relationship advice, depression, offmychest and got nothing. I feel like nobody in the world cares and the only answers I got were callous and unfeeling.
My girlfriend of 9 years told me she doesn't love me romantically anymore. She said she loves me as a friend and I'm trying to be okay with this but the idea of losing that future I wanted so much is killing me.
I wanted to get a house with her, I wanted to live with her forever and I felt like everything would be simple. With her by my side I felt like I could get through anything and be myself, live happily.
It's gone and I'm fucking screaming and crying inside, she's sleeping next to me and I want to hold onto her so bad. We always had it good, I want so badly for her to feel love for me again and that these circumstances are temporary. She doesn't want to leave, cut ties, she thinks of me as family.
God I'm so confused please help. And leaving her side is not an option, I don't care what happens I always want to be here.
I don't want to die but I don't know what else to live for
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self.SuicideWatch
|
(insert attractive post title that will encourage people to comment on my post) i want to kms, I could do it too. imagine if i just hang myself that would be rad. i have nothing to live for anyway. No relationship, no friends. is it normal to post this stuff more than once a week? idk... I need to die.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Thoughts of anxiety and depression. I have General anxiety and depression the last time I thought about giving up was in December when things seemed less and less worth the while of sticking around which I'm to much of a coward to actually do life just has to much to give than give up. I also have a son I could not do that to or leave to my husbands crazy family. I know people get better I mean this December has been the first time since 2014 since I wanted to just be done with it all. I just wish there was something to stop my brain from going to suicide or running away which as I said I'm to much of a coward and I love my son to much and me running away is me going to my moms place with my son for how ever many months. I have gotten a hold of my anxiety for the most part and my depression is always situational but it worse off when your partner tells you just to get over your anxiety.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm currently seeing my professor. So I have to immediately clarify that she is no longer my professor but I did study directly under her for most of my time spent at university.
I met this woman, who we can call ABRAHAM LINCOLN (AL for short), my first year at university and immediately formed a real tight bond with her as a professor. It should also be noted that she was married at this point but anyway I took at least one class with her each semester and even helped her out with things outside of school and during winter and summer breaks.
Eventually things got very complicated in my life; I had very unstable income leading up to this and a lot of people in my life were either leaving my life for whatever reasons or just acting very out of character and it was really throwing off my support system not to mention that I had to live out of my car for a couple of weeks. So yes, everything was in complete disarray and it made going to school into a serious struggle - a struggle that seemed increasingly absurd as all of those aforementioned factors intensified. So I dropped out.
Dropping out of school was a hard decision for me to make but what surprised me is how much AL was affected by my decision. When I told her what I was planning on doing she was immediately very against it and threw out some very generous offers to get me to stay in school. After the fact, she called me a few times and we texted here and there to meet up and grab food and what not.
Things kind of tapered off a little until one day AL showed up at my new job and asked if I had a minute to talk. I told her I did and brought her to my office. She seemed fine at first but after a couple of minutes of talking I could tell something was off and asked her what was going on. She broke down and told me that her husband left her for someone else. I legitimately felt for her. This was a person I had gotten to know and gotten pretty close to over the last 3 and a half years of my life. So naturally I comforted her and let her know that I was there for her if ever and whenever she needed me. It seemed only right considering how many times she had been there for me.
So that was that and for about a month nothing came of it. Then I got a drunk call from AL one night asking me to come meet her at a bar. I felt a little weird about it even though she was with her friends and I didn't end up doing it. She called me again the next day to apologize and I assured her that she did nothing wrong and that under any other circumstance I would have loved to have gone out with her so she asked me when. We made plans, got drunk and had lot's of stilted sloppy sex.
Since then it's been about 9 months and we're still seeing each other. The only thing that I'm currently caught up on is whether it's right to be starting a relationship with someone who is currently going through a divorce. I also fear this might just be a phase for her, or maybe a step in the recovery process. She's told me that isn't the case but I still can't help but wondering. She's also really into buying new things all of a sudden and it just makes me think about the things people do when they get hurt and how they're not always thinking clearly idk. I guess I'm just looking for any opinions on any of this? I should probably mention that I'm 25 and she only just turned 33.
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self.offmychest
|
Thank you guys for making me feel a bit better. These past weeks, I've never felt worse in my life. I feel so numb, so empty. I have no passion in life. There is no drive in me. I am a husk of my former self. I used to enjoy video games so much, but I don't anymore. It pains me to think that something I was so passionate about, is now merely a chore in a long list of chores I don't want to do. I can never get into anything anymore - be it TV Shows, Movies, or Games or just absolutely anything at all except eating and jerking off.
But I *think* I want to be a Game Developer so I am currently "trying" to make games and get into the industry. But I can't muster up the energy to do shit about it. I keep trying to work on my game but not even half an hour in, I just give up. There is absolutely zero motivation in me. I really *feel* like I want to be a Game Developer but I have no passion for it. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I did end up finishing a short game but it took me almost an year to make, on and off.
I also keep thinking about all the shitty things people have done to me in the past, and it makes me feel shitty. I've had a friend in the past who treated me like shit. I still keep thinking about all the ways he insulted me and it keep bothering me everyday. Not a day goes by when I don't randomly recall an incident with him and then I feel like shit for the remainder of the day. It happens everyday and it's eating me alive. There is also the small, small fact that I've not amounted to anything in the 20 years I've been alive. My parents kept telling me I was smart ever since I was born, but now I am nowhere near that person, as I continue to not have any motivation and my memory failing me all the time.
I don't have a lot of friends and I am surrounded by people who don't understand me. And as if it makes it all better, I live in a country which acknowledges that depression is real, but doesn't understand it and thinks it can be cured by Religion. (I've been religious all my life, I have cried to God at times, and now I'm writing a post in r/depression).
I'm sorry. This turned into a rant. You read the title and thought I was writing a post being grateful to you guys. And the truth is, I am.
Today, I started reading the top posts of all time in this subreddit because I really, really thought I was on the tipping point of my depression, and that I could get some help here.
And what I saw was a community of some of the kindest, most understanding human beings I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. It is almost surreal to me how much I can relate to you guys. I don't feel so alone anymore. For what it's worth, I am glad that you guys exist. We're all suffering, but we're also trying our best to understand each other and comfort each other. I hope you guys feel better knowing that your words have made someone else, in an entirely different part of the world, feel better. Thank you so much, guys.
I want you guys to know that you have a friend in me and if there's anything you want to talk about, I will always be here for you guys.
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self.depression
|
Anyone else feel like they're just trying to survive rather than live life? During a conversation with a friend I came to the realization that in my existence I don't feel like I'm trying to "live life". I I feel like I'm more trying to survive, just get through each day without collapsing mentally.
Anyone else?
Edit: thank you guys for the response. I'm sorry that people feel this way, but I take solace in the fact that I'm not alone.
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self.depression
|
I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
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self.depression
|
help im genuinely scared of how badly my life has changed in the recent months. i haven't eaten properly in a month and i went from really enjoying life and recovering to spending days on end in bed and doing nothing but crying and thinking about how i want to die so so so badly. i dont want to hurt people around me and no matter how much we argue i love my friends and family but im suffering and realistically there's no hope for my future, im dumb as fuck and im really just so annoying. i want to stop opening up to people because my family just make fun of my anxiety and the fact that im not talkative. i dont even know anymore. im in so much fucking pain and im so scared of talking to a councillor even though my school is making me and i really really cannot speak to people i.dont know and im.so scared i dont even want to do anything but cry and sleep i dont want to live, i want help but im so scared of living and im scared of hospitals and im scared of myself and how low ive sunk
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self.depression
|
Male On Male Sexual Assual Hey everyone, sorry if this isn't the correct place to be posting this, but I couldn't think of anywhere else. I figured this was the best subreddit for bellyaching like a bitch, so here I am. :)
I feel hesitant to talk about this, because I doubt I would be taken seriously. If you give me the time of day to explain myself, however, I'd really appreciate it. No this isn't a joke, it's unfortuantly true in every way.
I'm in my teens in high school. There's this other boy in my year. It's known he has something wrong with him, a type of autism I think. Not only that, but he's big. Really big. Mentally insane people with strength to back it up is never a good thing, I'm sure you'll all agree. There has been so many occasions in the pasts where he has lost his shit and beat the crap out of someone for little to no reason. How he hasn't been expelled and throw in prison is beyond me.
I'm 99% sure he's gay. He makes jokes about gays, by acting gay, but, honestly, it seems to me like an excuse to be gay without people making fun of him. Like an insurance, if you will. For instance, he watches me get dressed in the changing rooms, before and after sports. And once, I was in the toilets and he was in the cubicle next to me. I looked up, and saw him staring at me while I was having a piss. Nearly every time I see him, he usually does one of three things. He either strokes my cheek, grabs my dick, or touches my ass. This is sexual assault, right?
He also keeps saying how much he "loves me" and how he's my "boyfriend", and it's really humiliated in front of others in class. Again, he hides behind this by acting like its a joke, and the others think it's funny. I bet if he was doing this to a girl, that would be different. They'd actually take it seriously then.
What should I do? As it's honestly making me this weird combination of rage and pure sadness. Beating him up is tempting, but he could take me any day. I feel uncomfortable to tell a teacher and it's making me feel scared to go into school.
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self.depression
|
survived to the first attempt,I'm not really happy or in ecstasy as I expected
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self.SuicideWatch
|
When you are in psychosis, does it feel like you're high? I'm worried because I'm feeling really weird right now...
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self.bipolar
|
wife addicted to cell phone my wife is addicted to her cell phone i mean seriously addicted she goes to bed falling asleep to it. Soon as she wakes up she picks it up and sits on the toilet. Getting kids ready for school she is on it, while we are all at the table eating breakfast she sit on the couch on it, this shit is getting old. And if you interrupt her she gives you a major attitude whether it is me or the kids. I know she is talking to other people while i am at work cause i can see her on, but she wont' text me i don't know why i care. But i mean it would be nice to know she thinks about me... but i guess once i'm out of sight i'm out of mind
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self.offmychest
|
Tentacles and Anchors so idk if anyone here has read the book It's Kind of a Funny Story (if you haven't you should) but one of the things the main character does is break things up into what he refers to as tentacles, the evil tasks that invade his life and turn into nasty spirals, and anchors, the things that occupy his mind and make him feel temporarily good. dealing with anxiety and feeling depressed sometimes, I decided to make a list of my tentacles and anchors and I found that one of them fell into the same category: talking to my best friend. sometimes talking to him can make me feel so much better, I am able to go to him when I'm feeling anxious and he usually is able to talk to me and make me feel better and that I am not alone. Sometimes though he has the exact opposite: if i text him and he doesnt reply i take it that he must hate me and that he is better off without me and sometimes even hearing how happy he is makes me spiral thinking that I am just something to hold him back. is it possible that something can be a tentacle and an anchor? or ultimately in the end is one going to outweigh the other? and does anyone else have things like this?
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self.depression
|
Trying to sleep at night is just a nightmare. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Deciding between grad certificate or master's degree: need guidance I will soon be graduating with a degree in Criminal Justice and a minor in Sociology. I work part time as a police officer. I am either wanting to receive a grad certificate in Cybersecurity management or a Master's degree in Public Affairs specializing in Public Management. I am wanting to further my education while I'm still in the mindset and nothing in life is holding me back. I need advice from people who have obtained a Master's degree or a grad certificate after receiving a bachelor' degree. I'm not sure whether a graduate certificate is worth the money if it isn't as highly regarded in the professional world. Money is an issue when it comes to choosing between the two. I'm already in huge debt from undergraduate school. I know a graduate certificate would be cheaper and require less time than a Master's degree. I'd appreciate some advice and experience.
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self.offmychest
|
I will lose my job when the tax cuts begin I work in a mental health clinic and all of our clients use Medicaid/Medicare. With cuts to that in the new tax legislation, we'll no longer be able to help people.
I'm very angry. I worked hard in college to get a job in my field and that will be gone because people will lose insurance. And of course, the clients we helped with treatment/finding jobs and housing will no longer have that resources and will likely end up in hospitals or be homeless.
We already have a mental health/drug epidemic in our country and now it will get worse. And now I won't know what to do.
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self.offmychest
|
Does anyone really care? I've been trying to find help for depression and suicidal thoughtsthe last few years, and am constantly told about there being someone out there that cares. That someone must literally be just 1 person and they live in china. I just wanted to ask if there is anyone out there that genuinely cares? What do you do when every single peice of help for your depression that you've had has failed? is it just that I really am ment to be depressed until I die? I don't even know what I'm asking....
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self.depression
|
Why do adults still live at home knowing they are way too old? [removed]
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self.offmychest
|
My mother is a domineering piece of shit and I want to die so much I don't know where to start here.
I feel so unbelievably taken advantage off.
I live at home. I'm in my 30s. Its due to financial issues. My job pays shit money and I couldn't afford rent and had to move back home a few years ago.
I help at with paying bills and other bits.
An issue came about for me some months ago. I have one brother also living at home. He's in his 20s. He was abroad for a year in 2014. When he came back, he was unemployed for a bit but eventually he found work.
The household bills came in and they were split by half between my mother and I. I was happy let things slide for him in regards the bills because he was unemployed and to let him get on his feet.
However an issue came about some months ago. My brother became increasingly rude and disrespectful. With this, I thought, he's been in employment for over a year, and I thinks it's time that he helps towards the bills now too.
However, it's a losing battle I have. My mother doesn't want to take any money of him for bills. He likes to claim he doesn't have the money, I don't believe this for a minute. He works a lot of overtime. He does have a car but taking rough estimates he would still have the guts of 1000 euro if not more per month disposable income after car expenses. So like he does have money. He just doesn't want to pay and my mother is more than happy for him not to pay. However, I don't think this is fair. His wage is better than mine.
So come January, there is a bill for bins for 180 euro, pet medicine bill (for the family dog) for 80 euro, electricity bill (this is always different but I'm estimating 240 euro).
All these bills will be split half instead of three ways.
I'm not one bit happy about this. I haven't been for some months but it's a losing battle.
Not only that, I'm dating a man for the past year and just this week, my mother turns around and she bans him from a once a week stay over in my room. I just feel completely sick to back teeth. The man has done nothing wrong here. He's never been drunk or anything and she orders me that he's not allowed to stay.
I write this while my brother is in his room with his girlfriend staying over. Like what the holy fuck?
I was happy to give her a gift card that I got over Christmas to her and she was so happy to spend it and then she bans my boyfriend.
I have a household bills in my room in my name to be paid in January and I have a good mind to rip it to fuck up and go down to the kitchen and spill all the milk that I bought (for the family may I add) away down the sink.
I live in Ireland and there is an accommodation and homeless crisis in the country. I logged on online to an accommodation site to look for accommodation that would be within my budget and also reasonably close to work (I don't have a car, so I will be left walking). I'm in tears because there is fuck all.
I'm now online checking suicide methods and I have a vague suicide plan in place of checking into a hotel for a night with a helium canister.
The cunt refuses to see me as an adult.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Tomorrow I find out if I passed my performance improvement plan at work. Hey everybody you may not recognize my username but I lurk here and I post every once in a while and I've recently been posting more often to try to share my experiences with other people to see if I can maybe help with how they deal with their bipolar. Today I need help, tomorrow I find out if I passed my performance Improvement plan at work. I was put on this plan because my manager believed that I did not have motivation and I was not volunteering for work and I was not finishing projects. I disagree with this assessment for the most part there were a few projects that I didn't complete on time but they weren't big projects but they were still projects that had to be finished. I guess I wasn't volunteering for work that often so it somewhat showed with my co-workers and they told my boss that I don't volunteer to work and to do manual labor when needed. I signed the performance Improvement plan and admitted to these faults to my manager and told him I would step up and do my best my absolute best from this day forward and I would show him and my co-workers that I love my job that I want to keep my job and that I can do my job efficiently and effectively.
I've gotten rather close to my site lead who reports to my manager on my progress with this Improvement plan and he says I'm doing a great job and have really stepped up. In fact I have multiple people telling me I've done a good job recently but I don't think they tell my manager who is not located where I work. But like I said my site lead who was told by my manager to report to him and tell him how good of work I was doing is telling my manager that I am stepping up and that I am doing well. But what I read about Improvement plans is that they are just a legal paper trail to leave behind before they fire you so you can't come back and sue them for unlawful termination that easily.
So tomorrow I have a one-on-one with my boss over the phone and I find out pretty much if I get to keep my job or not. This is pretty much my dream job even if it is entry-level it's the entry-level to my career that I wanted since I got out of school. I make good pay I have great benefits and I work with good people and I get a lot of joy out of what I do and when when I help people I love it when I see their faces get so happy after I fix their problem.
I guess I just wanted to tell everyone that I probably won't sleep tonight or sleep extremely poorly for maybe one or two hours because if I lose this job I may hurt myself. If I lost this job I would lose myself. I would probably voluntarily admit myself to a hospital because I would probably try to do something stupid. I'm not sure what this post is all about but I think I just needed to tell someone because I haven't told my family yet because they would be very disappointed that I might be fired. My family thinks I've been doing a great job and there have been no bumps in the road at work and they don't know that my job is on the line. I am scared beyond belief I am anxious beyond belief I'm nervous I don't know what to do.
|
self.bipolar
|
Everything feels like it sucks nowadays and can never compare to the past. Video games, movies , shows, life it all feels like it sucks nowadays. The only good thing I can think of is more rights for people who deserve it but everything else has become so boring or stressful. It doesn't even feel like their is a future worth fighting for.
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self.depression
|
Talentless, failure, worthless Three words I would use to describe myself. People have told me I am smart and that they wished they could be like me but they know nothing. I have to study 12h a day so I can get a "decent" grade. Sometimes I even know how to solve a problem but I'll make the DUMBEST mistake you could ever imagine like mistaking numbers (reading 1/2 as 1.5), operators (addition for multiplication) and the list goes on, and I'll check it multiple times and not see my mistake as it stands right before me. And then all the work and dedication I had goes in the trashcan.
I have no talents. No skills. The only thing I had going for me were my grades but that's gone because of the retarded mistakes I make during tests. Why I am still alive is beyond my comprehension, someone who makes these sort of mistakes could not possibly even know how to get up from the bed. Not sure how I am supposed to get a job after university with average grades when my social skills are also nonexistant. Every day I just find more reasons to just end this miserable useless life.
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self.depression
|
The things I hate most about having an anxiety attack The things I hate most about having an anxiety attack.
* Not being able to move because literally the act of moving feels unsafe.
* The fact that my rational mind is still there, just shoved into a closet at the back where I cant hear over the sounds of my brain SCREAMING that nothing is okay and I am in danger.
* How exhausted I feel afterward and sometimes even for days afterwards of just feeling like you ran a few marathons.
* Being so exhausted that I look physically sick and everyone has to ask about it the next day
* The shame of feeling like I "let it happen again" for the 50 billionth time.
* Just knowing that my body is constantly fighting itself and feeling so hopeless because I cant fix it
|
self.Anxiety
|
How do you make yourself feel something? I'm 25, female, and I've been depressed for more than 10 years. I feel nothing all day and spend every day acting like a robot and I don't know how to feel anything. I laugh about once every couple of months, and even then it only lasts about a minute. The thing is I have a constant fake smile on my face so everybody describes me as being happy and having a kind face. Most people I get to know seem to really like me, but they only like me because I never act myself because I guess I'm scared of people not liking me, and so I smile and laugh and tell stories but only if they relate to what other people are talking about. I always let others dictate the conversation. I'm so inhibited to the point where even alcohol doesn't get rid of my inhibitions - most of my friends comment on how they've never seen me drunk, or 'lose control', and I've been described as placid and calm. The other day I spent 8 hours with my whole family drinking wine and punch and everybody in the room apart from me was pretty much wasted (I was emotionless and normal). I'v been traveling (usually teaching English abroad) for the past few years, I got back from Vietnam a couple of weeks ago after living there for a year and am now backpacking in Europe, just stayed with a friend for a few days and he mentioned that I seemed really depressed and that it seemed I hadn't enjoyed my trip here (I didn't really, but only because I literally enjoy nothing). I thought travelling the world would be the best thing to make me feel something, but after travelling to almost 30 countries in 5 years amd constantly pushing myself out of my comfort zone I still feel dead inside, is there any hope whatsoever for me?! Is there anything I can do to make me feel something?? I would appreciate any advice, thank you! (And sorry for the long read).
|
self.depression
|
New to health anxiety help? I had my first panic attack July 2017.I am a 26 year old male who was an athlete in college. To be honest I had no idea how bad anxiety truly was and just didn't get it. Welp, in July I had this sudden fear that was going to pass out. I got up started pacing around and constantly moving my hand as if i was fanning myself. Went to the ER and they said i was fine. ECG and everything came back ok.
In short i have done the 24 hour halter monitor and everything. I have had panic attacks since then but become less and less frequent as time goes on. I only tell myself that I am ok and not to call 9-1-1 anymore. Am I oK? I really feel like my heart is going to stop. I check my pulse all the time. Sometimes my resting is up over 90 but usually below 100. Every day I go through these panic feelings especially after meals.
I never worried about anything before and i loved playing flag football. I can't even enjoy activities anymore cause my heart racing gives me anxiety. I keep thinking it's too fast and I'm going to die. When it slows down i feel like it skipping beats. Please help everyday feels like hell. I never understood why people would kill themselves either until I had this in my life. I'm NOT saying I would but that i understand why they would choose to.
tl;dr will i ever go back to normal or will this be an every day occurrence? Do you all get the deep feeling in the chest?
Thanks just for listening
|
self.Anxiety
|
Excited/happy/motivated after a depressive/anxiety episode--DAE? I noticed a pattern that when I am coming out of a depression or anxiety episode, I get really excited, happy, motivated, hyper. It's like the roller-coaster is going back uphill again.....
I'm not bipolar, I am not on any meds. I don't make bad decisions during these elated times. I don't think I'm invincible or anything. I just feel excited, motivated, hyper (partly the coffee), etc.
I had a negative event on Sunday night, spent most of Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday crying. Saw my therapist Wednesday (it was an OK meeting, I expected more than I got), went to an anxiety support group for the first time Wednesday night. I haven't even had the uncomfortable conversation that needs to happen (probably tonight?). And I'm already starting to ride this wave of "mania" that typically comes after a bad time.
I wish I could feel like this all the time....it will even out in a day or two and I'll be my normal self who is "pretty good" most of the time.
Does this happen to anyone else? Does anyone know why this happens? Does this happen to you and your therapist has any comments on it?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Going to talk to my doctor for the first time, terrified. I’ve been struggling with anxiety for years but it’s starting to become unmanageable and is affecting my relationships with people I care about. I HATE talking to strangers about how I’m feeling, and I’m terrified that once I get there, I’m not going to be able to physically tell the doctor what is wrong. My voice shakes, a lump forms in my throat, and I feel like I can’t talk without tears welling up, even if I’m not really upset. I just hate talking about it. I’m so scared of finally going to get help for my anxiety, but not being able to do so...because of my anxiety.
UPDATE: I was able to get most of what I wanted to say out. I was shaky but it was fine. Got prescribed for prozac, which I’m still unsure about because it doesn’t list itself as intended for treating anxiety on the info sheet (only depression, OCD, and other disorders) but I trust my doctor so we’ll see how it goes. Thanks for the support friends (:
|
self.Anxiety
|
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