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Potential positive breakthrough after a 6 year struggle with depression. Struggled most of life but last 6 really bad. Last 10 days amazing. Need feedback. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I try to help others but I can't help myself. First off I'm not completely sure how this will go so hang on.
I have two apps where depressed people can tslk about things on their minds and others can have the app to help others. I have the app for both reasons really. Helping others makes me feel like a slightly better person bit when I I need to vent about the shit on my mind I feel not even those apps are a safe space anymore. People I have "helped" or am currently talking to sometimes say I'm kind or they'll bring it up with me bit I don't like talking about myself, I don't feel I'm worth talking about.
I have heard some horrible shit from some amazing people and some things I won't forget and how depressed people can be. It's hard to hear about someone you care about question their life and slit their wrists and feel guilty about it. Once someone apologised to me before the tablets they had taken in an attempt to OD had taken effect, the survived but whenever they disappear for a while I worry if they're still alive
I feel others deserve to be happy and have a happy life bit honestly I don't think I do. I only keep going for my family but that's hard to do when I doubt they're proud of me. I hate who I am and the way I am. I wish I was a different person but I feel it's getting worse. I can't get things off my mind and how people I have spoken to killed themselves and I don't know if I could have helped them.
Sometimes I fucking hate myself for even thinking I help anyone, who am I to effect others lives? I'm just a joke who fails at my life and fails at helping others.
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self.depression
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It's my birthday and my mood has just been a roller coaster I woke up feeling so happy and on top of the world, then it switched to intense anger, and then I kept crying. I was scares to get out of bed because I didn't know what direction I was gonna take the day in. Its been just up and down all day. The crying is annoying. I called my psychiatrists office because im still getting a rash from lamictal even though I stopped it 2 weeks ago, I started breaking out in huge hives at work. I was tearing up on the phone. Wtf ive just been inside all day feeling so nuts, having spoken to nobody, I had plans but not anymore, Im just feeling intensely out of it. The whople day has gone by and I've just been pacing and sitting around and crying, i havent been this manic in so long
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self.bipolar
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Reasons to live I’ve been falling back into my suicidal and depressive thoughts more frequently recently and I just need some stuff to live for. Can someone please help me
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self.SuicideWatch
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I hate birthdays This will sound trivial perhaps but I don't know where else to post it. I got enough friends posting on my wall but there's always that one person you deeply care about that doesn't wish you a happy birthday. Then your mind sorta spirals that they don't care about you, that you love them but they either hate you or couldn't care less about you. It's just the person is special and I'm not, and if I lose her as a friend then I'll never find someone like that again. I don't blame her, I bring all my problems to her and she's deeply caring but I think that's just the way she is. And if I got that happy birthday from her I would probably be relieved for a few minutes but that's it. It's just invalidating that the person I share the most to doesn't even really care about me, but my mind just might be jumping to conclusions. Anyways thanks for listening
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self.depression
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Frustration and depression Hello again reddit
With the holiday season apon us and me working retail not only am I being super busy at work I am also not able to spend time with my family.
My friends make little effort to hang out (understandably) my family is super busy setting up plans and being disappointed at my absence and my roommate is going to Italy tomorrow. I've been getting more and more frustrated and depressed with everything recently, because of lack of support lack of people to be with and family to go to. I've been swallowing it down and just going about my day as usual. Today I asked my roommate to grab me some food (because places are closed for the holidays) I find out he's depressed and after a bit of prying I find out it's cause he had a fee bad games of league of Legends and starcraft. So I am going lunch without food.
I'm finding myself becoming more and more frustrated and depressed because of all this. And the fact that I'm getting customers yelling at me (cause ya know holiday spirit)
Anyway, thanks to whoever may listen to my ramblings and I apologize for bad grammar and punctuation. Lots of love
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self.depression
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We live for the other, not for us. With depression this sentence is MEANINGFUL. All my friends have dreams that they will achieve while I'm behind with nothing but the desire to stop everything. Some considered me to be "lucky" because I have friends but I'm not happy... So I don't found this being "lucky" but depressing...
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self.depression
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questions about Exposure Therapy and CBT for my teen-aged daughter: I just read this article in the New York Times: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/11/magazine/why-are-more-american-teenagers-than-ever-suffering-from-severe-anxiety.html?smid=pl-share and it raises some questions for me. Suppose you have a child who, you believe, absent of anxiety and depression, WOULD most probably be a very high-achieving student. In fact, she was before mental health issues took over. Professionals and commentators seem to stress that getting that B or C shows that the world won't end. But at the same time, doesn't it validate the child's fears when she consequently doesn't get into the school BECAUSE of the lower grades? And how do you deal with the reality that if the child hadn't had the anxiety in the first place, she likely would have gotten better grades and consequently gotten into a better school?
Separate question: How do you recommend establishing accountability with your child's therapist? For instance, if CBT is supposed to be the best thing, how do you assure that she is actually providing that kind of therapy effectively?
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self.Anxiety
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Feel dumb posting here, just some late night ramblings [deleted]
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self.depression
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Somebody actually wants me to hang out with them today. I’m more afraid than happy. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I'm worried i might be driving my closest friends away by wanting to hang out often I'm a 29 year old guy, currently single. The problem with being single at my age is almost everyone I know is in serious relationships, married or starting to have kids; and I'm still stuck in bachelor mode. Granted, I'm ready to start dating again, but my past relationships leave me questioning if I should, but that's another mess for another time.
I tend to have very close and solid relationships with all my friends, and always have one male friend I'm exceptionally close to with whom I spend most of my time (kinda like JD and Turk from Scrubs). As I've gotten older, I've come to accept that my "bromantic" friendship will come with an attache: his girlfriend.
About a year ago, my closest male friend, someone I considered the brother I never had, decided to end our friendship. Tension between he and I had been rising due to what I can best summarize as his girlfriend/fiancee not liking me. I used my communication skills as best as I could to keep an open dialogue to see what I could do differently; I tried my damnedest to bond with his girlfriend and I just about bent over backwards accommodating any requests they had about how I should behave differently to stay on her good side. The complete story to why and how our friendship deteriorated and ended is long and convoluted, but if I generalize, his girlfriend seemed to feel threatened by how close he and I were, how often we liked to hang out and the fact that I was still in "bachelor mode" and he wasn't. I don't believe he actually wanted the friendship to end, but faced a lot of pressure from her and ultimately chose her.
Needless to say, the end of that friendship took a big toll on me, but I eventually moved on. I have a very close female friend/former roommate who's boyfriend I got along with rather well. He and I bonded rather quickly and have a similar "bromantic" type relationship. I'm still close friends with his girlfriend (who I've known a few years longer), but his and my relationship has grown rapidly. We hang out often and as far as I can tell, everything between the three of us is excellent.
However, I can't help but to have crazy anxiety that my friendship with this new friend might go south because of how much time we like to spend together, etc. Even though I was friends with his girlfriend first, I actually get along with her and we all enjoy hanging out together, I still get very worried about this.
Does anyone feel similarly? I don't really have a specific question, but I'd appreciate any advice anyone can give. Thanks!
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self.Anxiety
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Back on campus months after being assaulted and i'm not okay I haven't posted here before, but I've been lurking for a while.
I was assaulted at the end of October last year. I wasn't hurt or anything, but it left me feeling really unsafe. More than anything, though, it made me angry. I got along okay after that, even managed to finish my semester off pretty strong despite my classes being in the same area as my assault.
Thing is, my home life has gone through some changes in the last year since the death of a family member. I can't reliably relax at home anymore, so I don't always get a chance to de-stress. Over the winter break that wasn't a big deal, but now that a new semester is starting it's going to take its toll.
And that brings me to last night. While I've always been uneasy in the dark, I have never, in my life, been so terrified by it as I was last night. I had to stop myself from sprinting back to the car between classes. I couldn't get enough air. I was so scared, over...what? A lack of sunlight?
It's not even night classes - those are easy, just need a bit of caffeine now and then. But I've never had anxiety that bad over nothing before. I still haven't calmed down. I just want to be held, but at the same time can't stand to be in the same room as another person right now.
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self.Anxiety
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I feel better but... I want to keep this relatively short but I just feel like I need to get this out there. The past 3 weeks or so, I've been better... like MUCH better- barely any anxiety no suicidal thoughts, and just overall pretty happy. I of course have my daily stresses or annoyances but it's been nothing I can't handle. The problem is, though, that I really don't think it will last, it never does. I've had the last month off from school so I've been able to relax and not stress about grades but I'm starting again on Monday and I'm nervous for what this semester has to offer.
I've had these points in my life where it feels like everything is fine and I'm gonna be okay but then it comes back 10 fold. I'm trying to prepare myself and just thinking about my anxiety coming back is giving me anxiety. I want to stay like this but I also feel like I don't know how to deal with life without my anxiety if that makes sense...? It's also been weird because my depression has been better than I can ever remember it being and like I feel like I shouldn't be so happy? Idk I guess I'm just scared what will happen when this bliss ends... I feel anxiety coming on now just thinking about it.......... I really hope I can make the best of 2018 and not let my anxiety consume me but I feel like that's just wishful thinking.
Sorry, this ended up being longer than I thought but I needed to get my thoughts out to help me process them and prepare for possibly some bad anxiety coming up.
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self.Anxiety
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Called out of work because depression particularly bad. Afraid my boss somehow knows and I'll be punished tomorrow
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self.depression
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My job starts tomorrow and I am scared and need advice Recently diagnosed bipolar(been 3 months) and tomorrow i'll be starting my job(just orientation for that day) and I have been dreading it.. partly due because it's a customer focused job and I need to talk on the phone somehow which makes me quite anxious (had a panic attack on NYE for thinking about it too much). It's my first job after being unemployed for 2 years. Please, I need some guidance or even motivation to get through this because I feel like quitting after a few months.
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self.bipolar
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I’m afraid to die, but I don’t want to live. Not sure why I’m posting here. But here goes..
I was physically and sexually abused from when I was 4 until I was 11 by my moms ex husband (step father). They divorced when I was 13. My mom never knew about the sexual abuse. During the divorce process she became addicted to pain killers and booze often leaving me to care for my little sisters who were 11, 2 and 4 at the time. She lost custody of my sisters to her pedophile ex husband. She ended up meeting an amazing dude after the divorced (my current step dad). I was about 14 at the time, out and about doing stupid shit and I ended up pregnant. My mom and step dad moved to japan (military) and I was left here, with my grandparents. She straight up fucking ditched me. We have a good relationship now but man does that fuck with me. Anyway, ended up bouncing around from my grandparents house to my boyfriends house, ended up with a second kid at 17, he walked out on use and moved several states away. Met a man, got married, had another baby(19) he was abusive. I left him and now I’m with another man. Sometimes things are good, other times.. not so much. I have 5 kids now. I’m a stay at home parent and I love my kiddos with all my heart but fuck dude. Sometimes I seriously just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I have flashbacks all the time, my husband is always working so I’m always alone (just moved to a new city). Even when he’s here he hardly pays attention to me. My family hardly ever reaches out and when I do, no one answers. My ex husband is really good at making me feel like a piece of shit parent and my kids are really good at telling me they hate me. I’m at a loss of what to do. I just don’t want this anymore, I don’t want to feel this way. I just want to sleep and not wake up. At the same time, I’m afraid to die.
Sorry if this post is all over the place. I have a million thoughts running through my head.
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self.SuicideWatch
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It’s hard I don’t want to go back to school this week. It’s hard being alone at school. It’s hard finding a place to sit at lunch or where to chill in the morning. Its hard doing group or partner work when you don’t have friends in any of your classes. It’s hard to get over a breakup when your dad doesn’t let you go out to stay busy with your barely existing friends. It’s hard when you stay at home and try to talk to your ex when you know the conversation is going to end quickly. It’s hard when you crave your ex’s company just to not feel so alone but you know it’s impossible. It’s hard knowing your friends/peers are doing just fine with you isolating yourself. It’s hard
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self.depression
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Getting random bouts of depression out of nowhere for no apparent reason I'm posting this because I'm in one right now.
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self.depression
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existential crisis People give themselves meaningless aims/addictions like gym, shoes, gaming as a form of escapism to keep themselves from becoming borderline suicidal, the only thing that keeps clever people from committing suicide is the innate desire to survive at all costs. It is weak to cut off your bloodline purely because you don't feel like living another day therefore having a motivation or aim is necessary. Those without fall by the wayside becoming either functioning alcoholics or day to day chain smokers who partake in illicit drug taking wherever possible.
Love is false and sexual desire is an innate primal instinct to continue your bloodline, the feelings you now feel are that of fondness for someone you enjoy spending time with, but increasing divorce rates will agree that love is but a fairytale.
We are taught societal codes that make no sense: saying thankyou for someone's paid services, why is it rude for me to stare at you on the bus, Your face intrigues me, if anything it's a complement that the size of your enlarged nose holds my attention.
Music is becoming the same repetitive shite that can be pumped out the masses of young manipulated teens and children who think it is cool. Girls Drugs Sex Money- and if catering to a younger audience innuendos in their place.
We have scarred the landscape due to our greed and capitalist ideologies to become the richest. We are no different to any other animal yet we have progressively destroyed whole habitats and wiped out species that would be alive otherwise.
No distortion between age and intelligence, many people are incapable of conceptualising even basic perspectives Mcgregor vs Mayweather- people don't understand they've essentially agreed to hit each other for 30 minutes and earn millions in the process, unlike mma this is a spectacle and has been hyped in a similar way to a movie using binary opposites black vs white purely for profit.
Needing to survive as a privileged millennial is no longer a lifestyle and in a world of instant gratification the idea of working hard over a large quantity of hours for minimal payout for the profits to go to others is not acceptable. Life is meaningless. On the grand scheme of things unless you make a break through that will help all of human kind you might as well be a sesh gremlin.
The idea that land can be claimed by a person through green paper (money), and that it is so large that eventually whole land masses were capitalised and sold. Governments are essentially the 'biggest boys on the block' and it is futile to assume you have a say in how the country is run.
War is inevitable, aggression is in human nature to try and assume control over those who are weaker, even peaceful protest is a form of aggression, they just realise they are too weak or unwilling to use physical force and therefore believe they can appeal to people's conscious. That being said those who take an attacking stance are often more stupid. Those with common sense know it is wrong to fight merely for the sake of feeling emotion, the release of adrenaline in fight or flight situations is addictive but these people are often without aim and unable to string a coherent sentence together.
It's disgusting that we will happily feed ducks and pigeons spare food but won't give any to homeless people, how have they been marginalised to be scary. You do not know what they are going through and if they are using drugs it's to escape reality. No one chooses to spend their nights huddled in a dark alleyway freezing to death, their past is ever present in their mind through which their only escape is heavy drug abuse. Humans treat homeless worse than animals, they are people with intelligence, dogs are equivalent to a fucking toddler. most are only on the street for mental health reasons or through severe problems during their upbringing that we were lucky enough not to have. stop treating them like shit.
Although I do not believe the government is cruel it is definitely corrupt, and the idea that marijuana and magic mushrooms, freely growing plants and fungus that grow worldwide are illegal yet clear poison that causes liver failure, incoherence, aggression is not only legal but promoted as being cool by companies.
Clothing is a statement of wealth and nothing more, the fact that a small badge raises the price of a white tshirt from £10 to £150 makes no sense. Supreme is 'trendy' and 'fashion' when in reality it's another piece of cloth that unnecessarily covers are body, for what used to be necessity I.e to keep us warm, is now just something to say, in supremes case- I like cock, or in stone islands - I want to be associated as a hard nut hooligan despite its humble origins as a sailing brand. Edward Bernaise proves that the 'masses' are easily susceptible to manipulation, love island is a show catered to the masses whereby jar heads and bolymic surgery enhanced women discuss who has the cutest clothing. This is the epitome of what is wrong with this generation, and not just my one but every generation. Our aesthetic appearance is now more important than Surviving, it is just another form of escapism, entertainment keeps us away from the real problem, what do we do now survival is not just probable but definite. Surviving is no longer necessary. We are without purpose, exponential growth of the human population means if my bloodline were to end, nothing would happen, if anything, the world would benefit.
I would not say killing off large numbers of people is necessary but in my opinion it's certainly justified If said person is either, proven without doubt to be a murderer or brain dead (vegetative state) does not equate to a good lifestyle, I would say the same about people with a loss of 3 or more senses (i.e loss of speech, hearing and sight) they should be culled. Maslows hierarchy of needs shows what we need for survival and I believe if you cannot get said things (food, water etc) on your own then you should not be allowed to live, you are a burden on others and the only reason you are around is the sentiment loved ones have for you and the poor judgement of overly nice people's consciousness, we are not all the same. And that is good. But those who are sub human shouldn't be here. I know I sound like Hitler. But at the rate we are going it's only going to get worse. And rather than having people starve in Africa who could live wholesome lives we choose to plough money into keeping meat alive strapped to a bed with breathing apparatus, is that even a lifestyle anyone would want to life? We're assuming they want to live, for all we know we're keeping them in a never ending purgatory of black. No sound, no sight, no thought just breathing. WHAT IN THE FUCK drives people to think that's okay.
Gaming is tricking your brain into thinking you are accomplishing something, alternative form of escapism which relies on innate drive of competition to better yourself over an opponent
Girls falling for fuck boys over kind people who care, because I choose to give a fuck about you i.e. Give you attention and care why does that make me less attractive than someone who doesn't? Because they're something you want but can't have, well fuck that, the reason he's like that is because he's a stuck up self centred cunt who's not going to change his ways just for you.
Music is under appreciated, it is a more creative form of literature, can change someone's mood just by listening to it and stresses exactly how far we've come as a collective of people rather than singular people. so why is xxxtention and despacito all I fucking hear on the radio when there's the likes of Hendrix, the Beatles and Bach before hand. We are dumbing down for the masses and it's fucking appalling.
the 'news' is essentially decided by who owns the company, Rupert Murdoc has slandered marijuana for years, and then he sees it can easily be made profitable ooooh weed cures cancer. the news is bullshit and spun to suit people agenda, for all i know Trump could be the biggest lad on the planet.
All these thoughts are weeks of negative build-up and I really need someone to challenge my views, I view people as walking meat with meaningless opinions and information and the only thing to deafen the voices is alcohol. This is not a cry for help as I know we all feel like this sometimes but whenever I argue these points to my friends no one seems to have reasonable challenges to them. Can anyone tell me i'm wrong, please.
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self.depression
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Anxiety based on thoughts vs. anxious feelings It's surprising how benzodiazepines, medications which are supposed to reduce anxiety, don't really help me. Does this mean something?
They reduce the intensity of feelings, but the same thought patterns remain. Basically, I worry if various things I'm doing are "wrong", like a bad choice leading to a bad outcome. This could relate to anything from probably unimportant social behaviour in the present to big important life changes.
I could compare it to being at the edge of a cliff. It's possible to chemically suppress the feeling of anxiety triggered by that, but even then falling off seems like a bad thing that must be avoided. The problem is that I have this kind of concern about too many things, and it tends to keep me stuck in a comfort zone.
Should this be called anxiety or something else? What helps with this kind of thing?
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self.Anxiety
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New medication My psychiatrist just prescribed an anti anxiety medication that isn't safe in overdose. I don't know if I can trust myself with it. What do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Its my fault why im alone and im just tired of trying to get up and be okay, im so helpless and worthless. I deserve to die. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I can’t trust a single person No matter how close I get I’m always anticipating betrayal. I’m currently in a talking phase with a girl that says she really likes me and she always calls me but god damn it I can’t shake the feeling that she talks to other people or that she’d leave me for someone better if she had the chance. I hate my head
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self.depression
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Quick tip - make sure you research which hospitals are best ... just in case.
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self.bipolar
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I Don't Know What To Do Anymore I started working recently and, for the first time in a long time, I was genuinely happy. I felt like I was doing something productive, and I made new, and I thought very close, friends there
Between a general downswing, and my friends at work finding someone else and, in my opinion, just forgetting about me almost entirely, it's all just fallen apart again - It's worse than it ever was before as I thought I'd found the right circumstances to fix it. It's exhausting, I'm miserable, and I don't know what to do anymore
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self.depression
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What kinds of things do you guys do for money? So I dont have a license, so getting an actual job isn't ideal (one where I have to drive to), but I'd love to have a constant income, especially since I'd love to build a new PC/upgrade my current.
Im of course super apprehensive to go looking for a job because I feel very restricted by needing to be driven around everywhere. What do you guys do for money? Im sure lots of you have legit jobs and careers, and im currently going to my community college for that, but in the meantime just to start saving up some money and using a small percentage of that money on things I want to buy. Any advice?
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self.Anxiety
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I don't know what I feel I am a 15 year old girl and ever since I was 13, I had been feeling a constant and persistent feeling of emptiness. I don't know what it is that I am lacking. I am from a well off family with good parents. My grades aren't bad and my friends are nice. But I still don't feel content with anything. I have always wanted to be the student who gets full in eery exam and so i work too hard, spilling myself over the books for over 14 hours. I know it's harmful, but I don't feel like did anything otherwise.
This year the stress did get to me and I tried to kill myself by choking myself. I got too scared.
There has been a history of depression and other mental illnesses in my family. But I don't want to prematurely want to label myself.
Another point to note is that, often before exams or even in daily life, if I don't work my ass off I start getting panic attacks but at the same time I feel like I will die so I don't need to bother with studying.
I just want to know if I am going through any issue or am I just being an edgy teenager?
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self.depression
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I don't know what I'm doing here anymore All I'm doing in life is perusing what I think will solve all my issues,but in the end I'm still left empty.
I am drunk right Now, and these feelings will likely pass, but a drunk heart speaks the truth right?
The ones I love are dying, and I'm sure by the time I'm 25 I'll be all alone fending off these dark feelings
All I want to do is be normal and fade into the crowd but it seems impossible, I don't fit in anywhere, I'm just an extra in this shit game of life, and I don't want to play anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Advice pls Been really depressed for about 2 years now, used to smoke weed that would motivate me and calm my anxiety and be carefree, but that was before my depression.
I have now changed no personality no humor no appetite trouble sleeping nightmares....
i have tried everything there is to try i think. I became alcoholic for a bit let myself go..
But now im fighting back exercising a lot, seeing my friends, eating healthy stopped junk food and sugar. I only take some xanax and some sleeping pills to get some rest.
But atlas no improvement in mood, i just want to have a genuine laugh or smile and be hopeful of the future of my mental state..
I ordered some magic mushrooms gonna have a trip see if it heals me, and after that if it doesnt work i want to try some antidepressants again.. But i dont wanna lose my libido again even if i barely regained a very low one after all the meds..
So idk my plan good?
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self.depression
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i cut myself today 10 times. i dont normally do this. i feel so fucking helpless and lost. drinking has started to take its toll again. i feel so out of control of my life
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self.SuicideWatch
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Can't cope with the unchanging facts of life. The woman who brings you into this world, who you are dependent on from birth and who- in most cases- feels an unspeakable bond of love and care with you, is taken away from you.
My mum isn't dead but hers is and I can't stop thinking that one day, I'll be in her shoes. The universe is so cruel. I don't want anyone to disagree because I know it's true, but how do I cope with it?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I want to kill myself but I don't want to hurt people It hurts people that I'm alive. I'm one of them. We would feel better if I killed myself. But there are a few people who care about me, even if it's only a little. I had a friend who killed herself. It fucking hurts. Maybe part of it was all the time and effort I spent trying to help and feeling like a piece of shit for failing, but I can't put anyone else through that kind of pain. So I just have to endure it myself :/
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self.depression
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Does anyone else suffer from constant pain caused by sitting and lying down too much? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Safe medicines that wont interact with lithium carbonate I find myself frustrated because my fiancees psychiatrist prescribed her lithium carbonate in conjunction with concerta, but completely neglected to mention that it interacts with dextromorphan and basically all nsaids, which is our primary pain relief measure. I'm Having A Hard Time Getting A Straight Answer Out of anyone as to what i can safely give my fiancee for her cold and headaches. Does anyone have any helpful suggestions?
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self.bipolar
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I am finally going to do it Now school also went to shit and have given me the opportunity to finally end it.
Some story about why I am going to end it, a year ago almost my best friend died from cancer and 1 month before that my other close friend over dosed on pills (suicide).
I really tried to hang on but the depression have also made me fail in university and now I just want to go "away".
Hope the rest of you can find peace in this torment we call life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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“Never being in a relationship doesn’t matter”. Yes, it fucking does. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Thought I am having an anxiety attack, realised its a (hypo?) manic episode. It all started with me suddenly tidying up my room, and not sleeping in the day, that doesn’t usually happen. Then, when I went to bed I got really “shaky?” and jittery. So, I thought I was having a really long anxiety attack but then I realised I didn’t have a reason for it and it couldn’t last all night. So I realised I am having a (hypo?) manic episode. I did not sleep at night at all, woke up with too much energy and could not sit still in class at all. Also I have social anxiety but now I was talking too much and too fast. Also I am really excited but I don’t know for what. I feel like I had 5 coffees (even though I don’t drink coffee but my friend described it to me). I feel so productive but I can’t concentrate. I also don’t want to eat. Its been 2 nights with no sleeping. How do I make this go away?!
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self.bipolar
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I've set a time.... After trying my whole life to be happy I've finally set a date for my exit... If I'm not happy buy the end of April, April 23rd to be exact, then I'm gonna pull the plug on this so called life.... I'm sick of being the poorest person I know, I'm sick of never being good enough, and I'm sick of things never changing.... I'm giving myself till then to see if God loves me enough to make my life worth living, if not then fuck it, I can't put up with this bull shit anymore!!!
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self.SuicideWatch
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Everyday I just feel closer and closer... I don't know exactly what I'm here to do... vent, I guess? I spend everyday just constantly thinking about killing myself. How I'll do it. When will I do it? What point do I just give up?
I know I'm going to die from suicide one day... is it best to just get it over with? I'm going nowhere; somewhere I've been headed my whole life. I find no joy from anything, just pretend laughs. I cry all day over everything, wishing I could be normal. Live normal. Just... be okay with the everyday. I can't mooch off everyone forever... I can't waste space forever... when will it all be over... when will this burden end, for me and for others. I just want everyone to be happy... and with me around, nobody can be. My family will finally be done worrying, if that is what they do for me at all. Right now, I'm just waiting for probation to end. I want to smoke one last time... I want to feel the pain stop one last time... but until then... what am I here for... I'm not even a good mom to my cats anymore... I'm not a good sister... a member of society... I just want the pain to stop... I just want it to stop... and I'm sorry for my entire life. I'm sorry I lasted this long, because everyone could have moved on by now... I just want it all to stop... please.... I just want it to stop...
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why can't I find someone who actually wants to be with me. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Lil peep died and i don’t know what to do now He was my idol, an icon, everything. I paint my nails like he does because he taught me not to be bothered by what society says. He has molded me into the person i am today. And now he is gone, in the abyss. I feel like i’ve lost my best friend, i don’t know what to do... There were nights I was ready to kill myself, ready to end it all, Peep was the first artist to listen to when I was in these dark stages.
Rip lil peep, i mean it when I say i’ll never forget you.
I just realized i have the same birthday as him, one part of me hopes i won’t have the same day of death, the other part hopes i do.
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self.depression
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I've been home for a day and I feel like garbage I've been away at school for the last three months, didn't come home for Thanksgiving so after finishing up lab work I only got a flight back yesterday. Every thing had been going so well, I had gotten a research position usually reserved for grad students as a junior, I got my highest GPA I've had in my life, I made fantastic friends, joined clubs and organizations I was passionate about, had an internship lined up for next summer, even my long distance girlfriend and I were great, with her college going perfectly too. I left college feeling a mile tall, feeling like I was made out of iron and steel.
I've been home for a little over a day at this point and all my self-esteem has gone straight to hell, and it's all been over shitty little things. A three-way my girlfriend set up with a mentally and physically amazing friend of hers fell through (I can only assume because I called my girlfriend out over the phone for something while the two of them were together), a really big professional connection I was going to work with over break took a new job without telling me, and my dad has been using me for semiskilled labor since I don't home (I have a physical list of work around the house he wants done).
Meanwhile I keep seeing all my friends with their happy families on social media and I know, I KNOW that social media lies and no one has perfect families but it gets to me, I feel so unwanted and useless, I feel like I should be happy to be home with my girlfriend at least but we'll be so busy this break we'll barely see each other.
I just want to leave, I want to go back to the other end of the country and not think about home for another three months. I know it's bad because I want to be on a different coast from my girlfriend but at this point she's just a face on a screen, the only difference from when I'm at school is she and I have the same time of day.
That you all for listening.
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self.offmychest
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Might get a nice gift for myself on birthday [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Parkinson's and chronic fatigue syndrome worries OK so my right arm shakes once in a while when I carry or lay a lot of weight on it while my left arm doesn't and now my right leg is starting to feel funny I had this all my life (the arm thing)but now my health anxiety has finally caught up :(
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self.Anxiety
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Have you ever tried yoga? Yeah, and I've also tried killing myself.
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self.bipolar
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I just want it to be over I am so tired with everything. Going through the same shit. Making half baked plans to look up 'socialising' and how I can fix my shitty situation at the weekends...before zoning out and distracting myself with films, youtube videos...anything that will stop me from thinking. I am so tired of being a 29 old virgin. A guy with literally no friends, social contact or interests...a husk, who feels shit. Worst of all I am tired of getting my hopes up that I can change and that things are improving...that things have finally turned a corner...only to fall back to this shit. Like some sick fucking groundhog day. Each time a little part of me dies...my hope diminishes. How long has this gone on for now? Years. I am fucked. Broken. There is something wrong with my brain. Jesus I am so fucking pathetic. I didn't want to hurt my family...but I don't want to do this anymore. The only thing that I look forward to now is when I don't have to deal with any of this. I can't do the depression, the anxiety, not feeling anything. I want it over.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I am having suicidal thoughts, don't know if I should tell fiancee since its a really stressful time for her and I don't want to burden her. Hey, I'm having suicidal thoughts, and am in need of support. I want to talk to my fiancee but its an extremely difficult time and shes already stressed out enough as it is with exams and working. Should I talk to her -or- should I wait until a less stressful time -or- should I not bring it up at all and just talk to a therapist or something.
Thanks
I tried to post this to relationship advice at first but it didnt let me
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self.SuicideWatch
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The world would be better without me All I do is argue, take up space and resources, hurt feelings, and make others feel like shit. The world would be better without me. I'm forgettable. Disposable. Even my "friends", with maybe the exception of my one or two actual friends would probably forget about me within a few months. Even those friends would probably forget I existed. My family might not, but they won't care. They barely care about anything except for video games and work. I'm just a stain on this world, and shouldn't exist. Nobody would notice for a few days. I'm not actually gonna kill myself, but I'm not saying it's not on my mind. I'm sorry you had to read this... Hope you have a good day today
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self.depression
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Consuming infinite limbo I have these choices I have to make, either one of the outcomes seems worse than the other... I'm so lost I don't even know what I can do to make myself feel happy everyday... Since I was little I've been set on this path of education, outside of it I just wasted my time away with skating, video-games, reading fiction, watching movies, series, going for the occasional jog or bike ride. But I have not gained the ability to enjoy myself when doing things, everything seems just like obligations I have to do, and I mean everything, from feeding myself to being with my "girlfriend".
It's all draining me, I feel like running away but that way I'll just be sweeping the problems under the rug.
Anything I do is just a reminder of how bad I am at doing said thing... Why does it all feel so meaningless, like all these "issues" only exist because I want them to but at the same time whenever I try to make progress in whatever it is it all just dawns on me. I need help, I don't know which help but I need something. Because right now I'm seeing a bullet through the brain of my future self, living like this is not sustainable.
Outside I'm calm and composed, but on the inside I'm shouting at the top of my lungs, nothing's changed It'll just get worse as I age. Things don't go the way we want them to, the image we create in our brains of our ideal life will never be achieved, why bother with anything. People just want to help but it's like I'm being injected with a slow poison...Just consuming my body and mind...That's life, I should just get on with it...everyday...falling deeper and deeper and telling myself I'm ok and it's not that bad...
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self.depression
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It's 1:22 AM and I have to get up in 5 hours Yet I'm still laying here browsing /r/depression and listening to ambient music.
And tomorrow I'm supposed to go to work and then school and then my dad's place and then study for finals and pretend I'm okay the whole time. How do people do it
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self.depression
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How do you cope with suicidal/selfharm thoughts? What do you do to distract yourself? When the voices get too loud to ignore.
I'm really struggling lately and could need some advice. What helped others might help here, only serious replies please.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Deppression Everyday i put on an act pretending to be happy am i normal i act happy trying to hold back tiers as my insecurity's tear me apart from the inside
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self.Anxiety
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Any experiences with risperidone causing intense anxiety, panic, and insomnia? Hi everyone! I’m kind of new here and I just wanted to get some opinions and experiences with risperidone.
A few weeks ago I experienced SSRI induced mania and was put on risperidone for night time, and lamictal during the day.
The first night of risperidone was awful - I had some odd muscle issues, like my entire body was on the verge of having that “pins and needles” feeling, causing me to not sleep much. However the next night was much better for sleep, so I decided to stick with the medication.
Over the next couple of weeks everything seemed fine and I was actually seeing improvement, although I did notice that I would get kind of loopy every night starting at around 5 pm.
However, for the past week, that loopy feeling I’d get in the evening has escalated to INTENSE anxiety and panic. The panic has gotten so bad that it is causing intense insomnia. I also noticed that after taking the risperidone my heart rate would begin to shoot through the roof (like over 120 bpm) further compounding the insomnia issue. Oh, and my boobs are HUGE.
I lowered my dose the other night (and finally slept, hallelujah) but now I have what I feel was withdrawal even after just three weeks of taking this (nausea, no appetite, dizziness).
Anyway, I wanted to know if anyone has had a similar experience with this drug? I don’t think this is due to lamictal? I’m just thrown off by the timing of it all - fine during the day but panic stricken in the evening. And that panic comes regardless of whether I’m at home or who I’m with or what I’m doing.
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self.bipolar
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My job has made my anxiety so much worse and I want to quit I apologize in advance if this might be distressing to some but I don't really know where else to turn right now.
So I've been working as a pharmacy tech for a chain retail pharmacy for about 3 months now and I absolutely hate it. There's too much stress involved and I don't know nearly enough of what I'm doing. Most of the people I work with are friendly and helpful enough that I can get by but there's one pharmacist who is awful to work with. I can't stand working with them on the weekend when there is just one pharmacist and one technician for the entire day. Everything I do seems to bother them or annoy them in some way and it's made me an anxious wreck. I stay worried about work all the time and can never seem to get my mind off of it. I dread every day that I have to work and want to quit so badly but I can't because I need the money, which is barely enough to get by on. I'm trying to get into grad school to get my Master's in Mental Health Counseling and become a therapist. I'm graduating from my undergrad in a couple of weeks and have been applying for administrative assistant jobs but I'm terrified that I won't be able to leave and I'll have to stay there. I don't want to do that. I need to get out. I'm having trouble sleeping anymore without taking Benadryl. Even then, I just feel like a zombie most of the time when I'm not at work. I'm currently seeing a therapist who is helping me mitigate and work through my issues but I would love to hear what advice this community might have for me because there are starting to be times that I'm just getting too scared of everything and I don't know what to do.
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self.Anxiety
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Life is stressful and can be sad Lately I have been stressed a lot from many different things and it keeps effecting my daily life. An average I would rate mine a 2/10 or 4/10 this month and many times it does go up and down. It started a few months ago and a large pause did happen but it continued about a month ago.
My dad seems like he has anger problems and yells at me often. Our family is mixed from my moms side and my dad is middle eastern though we worship Islam. I apostatized a while ago since I figured about my homosexuality and got a much more different perspective. He continually yells at me if I don't pray or forget to and forces me to go to places of worship (since I'm a minor (14 years old)) and it causes me to stress out and knowing I have to live with him for 4 years or more. He always tries to make me seem more masculine and manly; I think I am more neutral on the feminine and masculine spectrum but people have said I seem more feminine and flamboyant and I assume he wants me to be "manly" and keeps forcing me to do stuff like bend my arms when I walk around with them beside me and it can get quite pressuring at times. He used to also, but not really anymore, make me go work with him. He said he would pay me $5 an hour since I'm just helping but I refused so he forced me too. Soon I made over 200, meaning over 40 hours of my time there and he refuses to pay most of it saying how I just sat there. Honestly I wasn't the most active but my time was still used and wasted there and I wasn't let off at all. He also pressures me to get good grades and for example yesterday we went shopping and he forgot to buy stuff but made it fall back on me and said how it was my fault. All the yelling from him and pressure really built up and it gets frustrating and stressful.
I also get very anxious at times and I overthink a lot or think in general. My mom is in the hospital so I'm left with my dad and siblings. I felt bad already since my dad kept yelling at me and my sister kind of did too and when we visited my mom my dad showed affection and kiss and hugged my younger brother which made me think, when was the last time my dad genuinely said I love you to me? I can't remember. Plus I thought of how if he figured if I was homo he wouldn't love me anyways and I felt sad and kind of depressed. Soon we talked about our dogs new puppies which really made me happy... for a few seconds until I realized soon they'll be gone since my dad will sell them off. I continued to overthink until we left and I felt kind of depressed and wanted to cry. I also have self esteem issues and I sometimes hate myself.
I also have an SO (significant other) which I love but he does have anger problems. Sometimes he may get mad at me and yell but it's been much rarer now. He kind of got caught off guard and did yesterday but apologized for it, though nothing is wrong besides that and he makes he really happy. I have been working on helping him with his problems and he has been improving and I love helping him out and I want to become a clinical psychologist and have been listening to audiobooks and have been studying psychology. My dad wants me to become a lawyer and I have done mock trials and studied a bit of law and he wants me to continue since I'm younger and can learn a lot now for my future and stuff but I think I prefer the psychological field more.
Motivation to do stuff is also a problem. I get lazy and hate that I am and I want to get stuff done, though I seem to have a problem getting motivated or disciplining myself to do so.
School has been pretty unforgiving as well. Tons of work since I am a freshman and I'm in high school now. The most stressful here is the homework and stuff since it effects my personal time after spending 7 to 8 hours at school already.
Thank you for listening and reading my post. I have listened to audiobooks about stress and have been looking into MBSRs and other stuff but reaching out for a support group and talking could help so that's why I made this, cheers!
PS: Sorry for any grammatical errors, rushed this and I'm doing it on mobile.
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self.offmychest
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In need of some advice on how to be okay with being alone [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Finally going to the doctor for my anxiety I finally decided to go to my doctor and tell them about my anxiety - currently in the waiting room having anxiety about telling them about my anxiety... wish me luck!
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self.Anxiety
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Does anyone else feel like hypomania is a result of feeling so low that you have no choice but to come back up? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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How can I deal with my fears and paranoid thoughts? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I've lost my Christmas spirit We got a puppy a week ago and my anxiety came back when she started crying one night. We're working on it and she's a good pup. My husband has been working nights so I feel loneliness and regret. I have to get through it but I feel so hopeless. The is the complete opposite of how things should be at Christmas with a pup.
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self.Anxiety
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Ex internet friend is stalking, bullying and threatening me [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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How would you describe your encounters with Shrinks? What were your expectations and what you got? [deleted]
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self.depression
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First post, sick related anxiety. feel so frustrated Hey all, I've struggled with anxiety, OCD, and depression since my teenage years(25 now) recently I've been having hellacious flairs related to getting sick, I catch a ton of really bad colds and this year and have caused me to miss numerous events with my girlfriend.
With her birthday coming up this weekend(planning a surprise party with a bunch of her friends coming in from hours away) and Christmas, I'm on edge constantly a bunch of my coworkers have either been fighting colds, and now the stomach bug is working its way into the building.
I've been washing my hands and sanitizing my keyboard/ wearing nitrile gloves constantly and feel as though I'm going insane.
I know this is just my brain being wired to be nervous due to the recent sickness during big events, but I can't seem to shake it. Please help, send well wishes idk, I just want to feel better
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self.Anxiety
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Irrational vs rational anxiety You would think that having irrational anxiety is worse, but I don't view it that way. When it's irrational I can try to fight against it, because I know that I'm actually fine.
Or maybe I just view it that way because now I have a real thing to be anxious about. I know it's normal to be anxious about this thing, but I'm waaay too anxious, more than a normal person would I guess. But it's not gonna go away, because it's real. If I tell myself that everything's fine, then that's like closing my eyes in the middle of a battlefield and telling myself that I'm fine. I'm gonna get shot.
Alright I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm half asleep. It helps me to write things down, journaling is probably the thing that helps me the most.
I think that most people here have anxiety over irrational things, like the feeling that people are judging them when they are in public etc. Or maybe it is equally bad as rational anxiety when I think about it. Fuck I don't know.
Alright, I'll be a bit more specific. Not too specific, because I don't want to get my post deleted. Basically I'm 18yo, have been in a mental hospital for over 3 months and basically the whole school hates me. So it's either I go back to the environment where people don't like me, or I transfer to a different school, which I don't want to do. I have 2 options and both give me really bad anxiety. It's inevitable, I will have to choose after I get out. It's real, it's inevitable, it's justifiable to be anxious at least to an extent and it's killing me. It's overwhelming to a point that I want to stop existing. It's like someone is constantly shouting in my head and I want it to stop, but I don't know how.
OK, at this point I keep rewriting the sentences I'm writing and considering just not posting this shit, as usual. I'm sure some of you do that too - write a long comment / post and then just throw it away.
I guess I just felt a need to write something, even though it doesn't have a point. As I said, journaling is nice.
Sorry for my english. I have 1000 voices in my head, it's a mess in there, I can't concentrate at all. The fuck is wrong with my head. Is it the 6 meds I'm taking or something else? Whatever.
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self.Anxiety
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Does anyone else find they dumb themselves down at the doctor's? I've always done it. I try not to use big words, or medical terms. I don't want to seem like I know what I'm talking about. I don't know why, I think I'm afraid of being accused of fabricating my illness? Like they would call me out and then all the things I've done in episodes would be because I'm a horrible human being and my hallucinations are because I'm a total nut.
Anyways, I can't be the only one right?
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self.bipolar
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Does anyone else only form meaningful relationships with others who are also mentally ill? Me: severe clinical depression. My boyfriend: depression, ptsd, and DID. My close friends now and recently: severe depression, bipolar, on the autism spectrum, and borderline . Only one of my friends does not have a diagnosis and she’s the outlier.
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self.depression
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Unfortunately, I can't leave yet. I've been planning for a while now to kill myself before the end of they year, or at least before my next birthday. I like to believe that I have everything wrapped up, and that I'm no longer needed. But last night I was talking to a friend, and I realized that I'm not allowed to leave yet. There are still some people that need me here, and they need me to at least pretend like I'm not depressed and want to die so that they can have a symbol of stability in their lives. And that's really hard to come to terms with, because I don't want to be here anymore. I'm a very emotionally expressive person, so it's very obvious when I'm having a really bad depressive episode. I'll talk about it to people and such. But I realized that I can't do that anymore. I don't have the right to do that anymore. There are people who need me to be strong for them. I don't know how long I can do this, but I have to fucking try, because I owe it to them.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The pain I just had a nightmare. I woke up with another headache. My medications do not ease the pain. My ever so helpful neurologist said that if I do not take medications early enough in the headache they will not help. That is kind of difficult when I am asleep. So I am fucked. (I am already on several meds prophylactically, but they do not work)
If I am lucky I will get back to sleep and my nightmares, so that I can have the rest of this headache in the morning.
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self.depression
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Found out my close friend group ditched me I had a close friend group that got me through my first year of law school. There were ups and downs for all of us, but the first year of law school definitely hit me the hardest. I'd been dealing with depression and anxiety since before law school but law school had made it so much worse. I knew I could be a bit of a burden to them when I was in my worst moods but I'd gotten better and apologized. I went to therapy, I started taking meds (which I was adamantly against for the longest time) and I was a more pleasant person to be around. Today I found out they kicked me out of their dungeons and dragons group without telling me. I found out today when they sent me a snap of them all playing without me. I asked them what happened and they all avoided the issue. Clearly they had all made the conscious decision to kick me out of the group and not tell me. I feel really hurt and abandoned. At some level I realize this must be my fault. I must have been pretty terrible to have all of my closest friend group turn against me. Ive been trying to wrap my head around this all day and I guess I can't. It hurts to feel like you've found something good to watch it go away like that.
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self.depression
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I'm in a huge pile of problems and suicide is the only way out for me Please, don't mind my English as it's not my native language. Firstly, I have severe social anxiety that I've been struggling with for 7 years and it's getting worse day by day. Secondly, found out that I might be attracted to girls when I was 15, then realized I'm actually ftm transgender, which made my situation near to impossible as I live in a transphobic country with no transitioning resources. Have tried to move out of this country twice but failed miserably. Am surrounded by transphobic family members who constantly remind me of how much of a failure I am. Dropped out form college twice as it was too much of a challenge for me. I see no way out of this shitty situation that I'm in right now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone sleep? Haven’t slept in a while so I took .2 clonidine with .6 melatonin and 25 unisom. Any idea of how long it will take to put me to sleep? And could this be harmful?
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self.bipolar
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8th time writing this I try to put on a happy face, I do youtube, I practice a lot of skills, I have projects that make others happy, but there are moments, little flashes of time where all that is gone for the sake of bitter depressive fire.I hate it I am losing feeling in my hands or how my legs burn seemingly to spite me. Those moments remind me how I was homeless, how I lost people, and how sometimes the depression makes you cold hearted, and that you need that cold heart to get somethings done. Anyone of those moment where their depression turns to anger or bitterness or rage like that.
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self.depression
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My Stepbrother Molested Me So when I was 6 my mum was dating this guy (who would later become my stepdad) and he had a son around 7 years older than me (let’s call him Max). After a few months our families moved in together and one night Max asked me to come sleep in his room. So I was laying there in the dark and Max whispers to me and asked if I wanted to touch him and I didn’t understand what was happening but he pulled his pants down and grabbed my hand and put it on his crotch and then started touching mine.
This happened a few times over the next couple months and that whole time I never understood what he was doing, I knew it was wrong because whenever I tried to ask him about it he would get really angry and tell me to shut up.
And what really happened didn’t really click in my brain until I was about 14/15 and it really messed me up because that was also around the time I started to accept that I was gay and I kept thinking (and sometimes I still do to this day) that I’m gay because I was molested by him at such a young age and that I’m just fucked up in the head forever because of it. I tell myself it’s not true and that’s not how sexuality works but what do I really know? I’ve been out of the closet for 4 years but a little part of me still hates the fact that I’m gay because that thought is always in the back of my mind.
And I don’t even know if I’m allowed to feel this way because he wasn’t even that much older when it happened and it didn’t even affect me until a few years ago. Like does it even count? I know I feel shitty about it but it’s nowhere near as bad as most people have it. Like he wasn’t an adult so idk if I’m allowed to even feel this way. I want to bring it up with someone so I can talk to them about it and get it off my chest for real but idk if they’ll just laugh at me because it really could’ve been so much worse.
I lived with the guy for about 4 years until my mum and stepdad got divorced and I never thought about what had happened. But now I can’t even hear his name without feeling sick and angry and frustrated. How did it not affect me for so long only to pop up now and make me feel so shitty?
And how would I even bring this up with someone? Like, I’m definitely not comfortable bringing it up with anyone in my family... Is it too much to bring it up with my best friend? Would that make things weird? I haven’t told anyone about this before and I really need to vent to someone irl but I’m just so scared to start talking about it.
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self.offmychest
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I can't help but feel incredibly lonely. Myself and loneliness have shared a very, very close relationship over the past couple of years and well, today, 12:22 AM on the 26th of december, I have decided to share my story of loneliness. Towards the end of 2015, I began to have moments during school were I would completely zone out of reality, stare off into the distance, not utter a single word. I would simply shut up and listen to music, now without context this would sound completely normal, however, this wouldn't be utterly normal if I was to say that this was during recess and lunch at high school, amidst my large friends group. No one would really say anything, not that I would hear them due to my earphones, but they would generally just leave me be. It would happen at complete, random moments as well. I would be super loud, obnoxious, make jokes, talk about random shit, and then within seconds I would shut up and zone out. It only began to escalate from this as well. During these moments, I would feel completely and utterly lonely whilst all my friends would laugh and share jokes. At the time I didn't quite know what was going on and I thought it was completely normal for someone to do this. These moments would of course happen throughout 2016 and 2017, though I could say that 2016 was definitely the hardest and most difficult year of my life. As a 17 year old, in high school (Australian), I began to start heading out to parties, meeting new people etc etc. I had met this girl through a friend and we had completely hit it off, or so I think. Whenever we were out, we were glued together, we would cuddle, share food, share music, talk to each other separately, she would always make room by her side for me and only me, however, it would be that my own idiocy that would completely ruin my chances with this girl. I attempted to get closer to her through her best friend (At the time). Even though her friend was indeed pretty, we were complete polar opposites, and after a month of talking/getting to know each other, she would end up using me to get to my friend. At that point I had realised that not only had a lost her best friend to one of my own friends, but I had lost the girl I had a true crush on. When I had realised what I had done, my loneliness sky rocketed to the point of pure and utter depression. 8 months reddit, 8 months out of 12 was spent wallowing in my own pit of despair due to my own mistake. I was helplessly crushing on this girl, and I had lost her. I remember exactly how she told me when she lost feeling for me. She had feelings for me and I completely threw her out the window by trying to get closer to her through her best friend. I hated myself immensely, and it only escalated from there. We were in the same friends group, and well, I use the term friends lightly. She had begun dating one of my so called friends in this group, which only sky rocketed my jealousy and hatred. Coupled with the fact that these so called friends NEVER invited me to any gatherings or kickbacks, I always had to invite myself. I fucking hated myself throughout the entirety of 2016. I was a kissless virgin amongst other friends who had lost their v-cards earlier in 2016, hating myself and my life, contemplating suicide daily. Though, the end of 2016 definitely made me realise a lot of things. I had fake friends, and I needed to work on myself.
I got in contact with another friend from school (I had graduated at this point) and we immediately became the best of friends. To this day, he has done no wrong to me and has only ever provided advice and encouragement to chase my dreams/hobbies. He actually showed me the way of properly dressing and grooming myself, which has helped immensely with my own self-esteem and how I present myself, though lets say it was left me with a very expensive hobby in fashion. Anyways, onto 2017, which compared to 2016 wasn't nearly as bad. I had new friends, new opportunities, I got accepted into Uni!, studying a bachelor of commerce with a major in marketing, got a job at a converse outlet store working with super awesome cool people and an amazing manager team, getting paid well to fuel my -ahem- expensive fashion hobby. Though, regardless of all this, my feeling of loneliness still clung to me. On the 2nd of January, I attended a party, hooked up with a girl who I had interest in, and well, Ill admit, it was a good first kiss. I told her out of my underage drunk form that I had never kissed before and it would be sloppy, but we went for it, all was okay and not too bad, she actually quite liked it!. Though, later into the year, around august I would meet another girl who I would swoon over, not as much as the girl from last year, but still, there were feelings there. We had hooked up many times, she was drop dead gorgeous, and well too be honest I felt like I was out of her league, and it turns out I was, as I found out that she wasn't interested in me. Even during all this time, loneliness was clawing at my heart. Still, to this very minute, I crave a relationship, it feels like there is a growing black hole in my small heart, and Im not sure how much more I can take. I know I sound like a desperate loser, but I know its a human thing, my best friend assures me that my time will come, but I can only feel pathetic in response that I have never truely had a relationship, and that the one girl, the only girl that has ever crushed on me/liked me back, I would go ahead and completely fuck it all up. It has been on my chest for too long now, and I need to get it off, but I really want to feel important for someone, I want to message someone good morning every day, I want to feel my heart flutter when I receive a notification on my phone, and I want to take someone out for dinner, I want to do all these things, yet I can't, and loneliness only makes me feel as if Ill die alone. I know this is a long post, but I hope you've enjoyed the read, have a great day/night.
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self.offmychest
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Getting thoughts with a lot more frequency than ever Ok so long story short I am 28 and male and not in/from the US, and I am a long time depression/anxiety sufferer. I am not nor have I ever been medicated for this but I have been in therapy for a year now.
Quite frankly I don't know how to even talk about this but it's gotten to the point now that I don't really know what to do with it.
Long story short, a couple of months ago, a bunch of stuff in my life has crashed around me (relationship, quit my living hell of a job), a lot of bad decisions and procrastination seem to be catching up to me (year 3 of my PhD and I have absolutely nothing, my coordinator is pissed at me and if I flunking out I'll be in massive debt).
I have just started a new job after a month of unemployment, which is going to be better paying than my previous one and my parents are trying to help me buy an appartment.
I am not on good terms with my family, which is to say that it's hard to spend time with them or talk about my issues which I feel get weaponized against me (not necessarily in the conversation about the issue, but in subsequent ones). I have not told them about my issues with school and have no desire to have that conversation.
Over the course of the past two, maybe three weeks, I have started to have suicidal thoughts and generally a very negative internal monologue (I literally can't not think of myself as anything other than trash).
I do not want to talk about this with my therapist, and I don't know how to explain why. I don't really have a good reason for it and it strikes me as I am writing this that that is probably what I should be doing, but I'm pretty sure that come my next session I will not bring it up.
I have always been high functioning and able to mask my issues quite successfully, and I'm pretty sure nobody is concerned right now.
I feel like I want to shoulder this one on my own, as I have in the past but quite frankly I don't know if I can. I have never had this type of feeling, internal discourse and suicidal thoughts with this intensity in the past.
EDIT: oh and this post is from a new I'd as I do not want my issues to be easily associated with myself due to quite a lot of social stigma for mental health in my country
SECOND EDIT: I realize that my financial situation is better than many others here and I also feel bad about being depressed because of this. This only feeds into my depression. I don't know why I'm writing this, just to let you all know I understand my specific issues are not necessarily relatable.
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self.depression
|
Another New Year's Eve spent alone. Parents ditched me again to go to their own party. No friends. No siblings. Just me and my tears. Kill me. Please.
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self.depression
|
Coming to peace with anxiety over the news Hey all! I really have been struggling as of late with severe anxiety due to news related events. I want to know how to detach and not care as much but it seems too hard for me to actually follow through with. Any input from someone who has been through this and beat it would be extremely helpful to me!!
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self.Anxiety
|
Social anxiety keeping me from holding down a job [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I accidentally pick my nose in front of people. A lot. Mostly on accident. I think I'm losing my mind. I'm a booger picker. If there's a crusty in my nose, I need it gone. And there's no better way to do that than by reaching my finger up there and scraping it out. Having a lot of allergies doesn't help.
Well, I'm pretty sure I do this in front of others, a lot. I don't think about it, I just do it, and after it's done I can't help but ask myself, "Did I just pick my nose in front of this person?"
And then, of course, I eat my boogers in private. But I'm afraid I've accidentally done this in front of other people. Oh my.
It's like I can't even control it. It just happens and then I get mad at myself. What is wrong with me.
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self.offmychest
|
I finally signed up for the class. I signed up for that art class I swore I’d take for almost a year ago. And I did it without you telling me I should.
You used to push me to do all the things I wanted to do. The things I wanted but let my depression get in the way of. You called me out on my bullshit excuses. Knowing it’s what I needed, and that if you didn’t I’d prolong everything.
When our relationship was still based on trying to better each other for our well being. When I frequently asked how your day was. Then you’d ask if I drew anything cool that day.
Now I’m just trying to not hate you for the problems you’ve caused. You’re trying so desperately to make up for your constant mistakes. It’s a viscous cycle we seem to always end up in.
You got selfish at some point. You broke every promise you made. You got so good at lying to me that you even started believing your own lies. You convinced yourself that I’d never find out.
To be fair I got selfish too. I stopped fighting my depression. Eventually I started relying on you to fight that battle for me. I refused to see that what I was doing was wrong.
We stopped supporting each other. We stopped communicating. I stopped asking if you had a good day or not. You stopped asking about my art.
Even though I don’t need it, I still wish you’d tell me you’re proud. I wish you’d ask what I plan on painting next. I want to hear you say how big of a step this is.
I wish that we could have more encouraging words for each other right now. I wish we both weren’t so sad all the time. I wish we still tried as much as we used to.
I wish I took this class earlier.
I wish you never started lying.
I wish we both never got selfish.
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self.offmychest
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Need help battling depression?? I know a-lot about this topic because i suffer with this also!if i wake up feeling down or sad i usually take a walk and go on from there.i know that doesn’t sound like the best idea but you are staying active instead of attached to the bed.it will make you feel alot more better then being in the bed with tear drops on your pillow.also another thing you should think about is venting to a friend.if you have a friend that is open and understanding to your situation would be easier to comfort you in you hours of sorrow.also another thing i personally choose to do is meditating this help alot believe it or not.
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self.depression
|
Is anyone on Geodon/ ziprasidone? What is your experience with it? I'm considering tapering off of it after a couple of months of being on it. I feel too sleepy all the time but my mood has been more stable. However, I just can't afford to be tired all the time.
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self.bipolar
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Too many people dont know basic healthy habits Its that time of year ... tips:
* Wipe down light switches, remotes, doorknobs, handles etc. w/ vinegar or alcohol wipes often.
* A sick person should have their own hand towel in bathroom. Keep toothbrushes separately and rinse in vinegar or peroxide between uses.
* Extra vitamin C, zinc and B's along with healthy foods, lots of good clean water and herbal teas. Always be sure to take supplements with food!
* Eat garlic when sick for a natural antibiotic.
* Teach kids to cough or sneeze down the inside of their shirt or in crook of elbow.
* Wash bedding - especially pillow casses often.
And most importantly...
***WASH YOUR HANDS***
Please feel free to add more :)
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self.offmychest
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My friend committed suicide 1 day after I hung out with him on Christmas on the 26th. Could've I prevented his suicide? I did not call him or skype him that day. I seriously regret it. But we were supposed to hang out on Thursday. Idk how to deal with this tragedy. I had no idea he would do this. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Tomorrow is the day It’s all been building up and there’s finally nothing left to hold on to.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety Ruining My Life Has anyone’s anxiety ever hindered their performance in bed? I feel like with my anxiety, I’m never fully present in the moment and my partner or the person I’m sleeping with can tell. I think the worse part is after everything is done, I start to overthink the experience and wonder if my partner is satisfied or if they’ll leave me or never talk to me again.
I feel so (for lack of a better term) crippled when it comes to performance anxiety and I don’t know how to just let go and be in the moment.
It’s weird because my body isn’t showing like arousal or stimulation (well I can perform but the moment I start thinking everything goes downhill from there.... literally and mentally) but I do feel something. Communication is probably the best way to ease this problem.. but I just wanted to put pen to paper, so to say, and see if anyone else has had this as well
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel like everything is closing in on me I’m not wanted anywhere I don’t think I’ll ever belong anywhere I don’t wanna talk about anything but i don’t know how to get out of this. I’m too difficult there’s no point to any of this anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Bald male having dreams about having a full head of hair I’m a 27 man who suffers from premature male pattern baldness since around age 21. I’ve always been hyper insecure about it and over the last year or so began shaving my head to avoid the insecurity. Over the last few months I’ve repeatedly had dreams about my hair being full again. These were immediately met with a huge pit of depression as to what life could have been if I had hair. They are now a reoccurring nightmare mocking my baldness and bringing back those years of insecurity and deep seeded body issues.
All I want now is to have my hair back.
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self.depression
|
Shout out to all the phlebotomists in the world, and especially the good ones. The phlebotomist I went to today was a fucking comedian. Made me feel so much better about getting 5 vials of blood removed from my body. All the ones I've seen at this center have been great. It makes a shitty part of my life a little less shitty and I really appreciate it. Anyone got a good phlebotomist story to share?
Here's my favorite, from a different guy at the same center.
>You think this is rain? Where I come form we have typhoons.
Kinda silly but it was *pouring* outside and it made me giggle.
|
self.bipolar
|
Rude sales person I filled out an application online for employment and one of the questions was if I wanted to pursue further education. I put maybe. Then not even an hour later I get a call asking about said education. Mind you I was at lunch and I assumed this was for the job I applied to so I went ahead and took it. After I let him talk and tell me what it is he was offering me (it was just options on further education) I told him I in fact wasn’t interested. Then he sounded visibly annoyed and asked me why I decided to waste his time and let him talk. All I did was apologize and mumble a little before he told me to have a good day and hang up on me. Am I crazy for letting this get to me so much?
|
self.Anxiety
|
In a very low place and unhappy with my life. Need some support on getting out of this state. i’m quite unhappy with my life. i don’t even know where to start.
one of my biggest struggles my entire life has been understanding and deciding what i want to do with my life. from picking what to study in university to whether or not i ever want to get married and have children. i have never known with confidence and certainty how to make big decisions like that. i harbour a lot of fear.
one of my biggest regrets in life is going to art school instead of pursuing something that would have made me a more stable income. i got lucky finding a steady job after i graduated in high end retail with benefits too. things could be a lot worse but i’m still struggling financially with 20k in student loans to pay off. money is very important to me and as i get older i realize how vital of a tool it can be and how much it can enrich life to have access to money which can open up opportunities to experience more of the world. i grew up poor and i wish i hadn’t been so naive in thinking that going to art school could bring any guaranteed success for me.
at 26 i feel like the clock has started ticking for me to find a person to get serious with. but i don’t feel like i’ve reached a level of maturity to be committed to someone like that. i freeze at the thought of being someone’s wife or mom in the future.
every relationship i’ve witnessed be it that of my parents or friends or other family has just been a complete and utter mess. i feel so hopeless about finding a life partner sometimes. and even more terrified of ending up alone.
i think things wouldn’t feel so tough if i had friends who i could readily reach out to. none of my friends are emotionally available. i only have two. one of them is depressed and emotionally unavailable and takes an entire day, sometimes longer, to answer one text message and the other one sounds like my mom every time i try to have a conversation with her. i would really like to make more friends or have a stronger support system.
some days i think i’m just a waste of space here. everyday feels like drudgery and such a painful struggle to keep on going with life. i’m at a very low point. i can’t seem to find a light at the end of the tunnel or an glimpse of hope. all i can think about these days is that life will end for me someday and that nothing anyone does on this earth has meaning. its all meaningless and one day we’ll all be dead and everything i’ve ever cried about or worried about won’t matter.
i know that happiness is a choice. but the darkness i feel is so overwhelming. i’ve thought about picking back up with therapy but i find every time i go i end up pretending i’m not as fucked up as i actually am and i’m never 100% honest with my therapist. i kind of just say what i think she wants to hear. i withhold some things because deep down i feel like she might be judging me. i have had three therapists over the years and have done the same thing with all three.
i’m just looking for help. any kind of help or words of encouragement from people who have gone through periods of life where things felt like shit but managed to make it out the other side.
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self.depression
|
Just a rant/venting out I am severely depressed, in a way I can only describe as if I was falling down a well and watching the dark shadows turn even darker as I fall deeper. But that's not the point. What I want to talk about here is my appearance. I realize my handsomeness is quite above average, but I still can't deal with my flaws at all. I feel like I'm a complete mess. Fucked up. I feel like I have everything, but can't enjoy any of it. It's like being really hungry and standing in front of a banquet, but not being able to eat any of it. You can smell it. You can see it. Maybe you can even eat it. But for some reason you can't truly enjoy it. I don't understand why I am writing this. Guess I like the thought of someone exactly like me ever reading this. I haven't really liked any of my therapists in the past, I don't feel like anyone else really understands. For some reason, I can't seem to grasp onto any hope of getting better one day. This is my life. This is how I have been for as long as I can remember. Sad. Empty. Dear God, what is wrong with me...
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self.depression
|
Question on lithium discontinuation Hey, guys.
I take 300mg of Lithium 2x a day roughly every 12 hours. I have noticed that if I am late in taking it, I feel really out of it. Today I missed my morning dose by just 5 hours and I feel pretty awful. Shaky, anxious and almost manic.
Has anyone else experience similar symptoms after a late dose? Or am I just being a hypochondriac?
Thanks!
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self.bipolar
|
I couldn't get out of bed this morning and I don't know why. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
"You don't know what you have until it's gone" "You don't know what you have until it's gone" A famous saying that has LITERALLY almost killed me. I am 20 years old and just want to say that I (used to) have a very unusual sister. The problem is that she became normal. I will explain to you what I mean by that my sister is 6 years older than me and when she was 20 (I was 14) and was in college me and her became very close friends we were like best friends she would invite me over to her once a week(That's why I said I had a very unusual sister because I know most siblings hardly see each other anymore when they move out of there parents house). I loved it there nothing better than hanging out with my sister me and her were best friends like that for 2 or 3 years. Then something happened she changed to the person she is today a sister who doesn't even care to see me anymore. The only time I visit her now is when I invite myself (by asking her if I can spend a night over there). Now I know people might think this is silly but again she wasn't just my sister she was my best friend the moment she didn't care to see me anymore is the moment my feelings got hurt really bad it's not a good feeling for anyone to lose a best friend. I got so sad that my best friend left that I started to have thoughts about wanting to kill myself and would cry for a days because I felt like I completely lost my sister and she was never coming back. Eventually I did I did learn how to bring myself up and stop myself from going suicide. But have still been caring around sadness of how much I miss her all of these years. Every now and then I go back into that state of where I am hurt so bad I just want to kill myself. I started thinking about my old sister again and the way she use to be so my suicidal thoughts are coming back. Can some one please help me I want this feeling to stop. Hence why I said "You don't know what you have until it's gone" has almost killed me in my past because it wasn't until my old sister died (at least I feel like she died and am now living with a completely different sister) that I really appreciated the way she use to be.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
MONEY MONEY MONEY Can't stop spending it. I am going to have to start giving my girlfriend my cards at all times. How do you guys stay afloat? What do you do or what have you done to earn extra income? I need to replenish what I have spent as soon as possible. I work full-time, but I need to earn something extra this month. Do you have any ideas? I make things and sell things online at times, but I am open to more suggestions.
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self.bipolar
|
I never meant for any of this to happen I never meant to fall in love with you in the first place. I never even meant for us to be friends. I was looking for a connect when I messaged you. You said no but we kept talking and quickly became friends. We got closer and closer and soon fell madly in love. But we had conflicting schedules and lived two hours apart so seeing each other in person was a rare event. But it always felt like magic when I was with you. I felt like I was on drugs with you. I knew everything would be okay as long as I had you by my side. I felt like we belonged together. I'd never felt this comfortable and accepted for who I truly was, not even by my own family.
Some legal issues resurfaced and later on, accusations occurred which you're still fighting but it didn't deter me from wanting you and to have a life with you. Something I thought I had made clear. I knew these issues had left you in a really dark and hopeless place so I went to visit you. You always said I brought you motivation and had been something to look forward to when everything else seemed so bleak. You told me you were going to write me a letter. I got your letter in the mail three days ago. I was excited to get home and read it. I got home, started reading and by the fourth page I was sobbing.
You said you're concerned about how you're negatively affecting me. You can't give me what you think I deserve to have and it makes you feel worse. You question whether it makes your time harder to do. You're so worried about hurting me that you've decided to walk out of my life. You said ridding your world of me is not something you want but you think it is the selfless thing to do because you're convinced you're going to hurt me in the end anyway. At the end, you did say it was ultimately my choice. So I sent you a message saying this wasn't what I wanted and to call me. A few things weren't making sense in your letter and I'm still afraid you're planning to hurt yourself. I haven't heard from you yet. I'm afraid you've decided for me and I won't ever hear from you or see you again.
I'm painfully socially awkward/anxious and have a really hard time connecting with people. I had five solid, real friendships in the beginning of the year. By May, three had walked out. It really tore me up but I couldn't fix the issue so, with your help, I did my best to move on. Now you're planning to walk out too for reasons I don't understand and when neither of us want it to be this way. I'm down to one friend, now I'm just waiting for her to walk out too. This has been a reoccurring pattern with all my friendships. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust someone enough to get close again. I've never felt so lost and alone.
I know life will go on like always and eventually, I'll be somewhat okay again. But it sure feels like the world is screeching to a halt and crashing down around me. And it sure feels like this is something I'll never be able to fully recover from. I wish I had gotten more time with you in my life. I wish I hadn't been so reluctant to meet up for the first time. I wish you'd meant it when you said ultimately it was my choice if you stayed. I wish things didn't have to end this way. You'll always have a chunk of my heart and I'll always be wondering how you're doing.
|
self.offmychest
|
I am getting therapy but I’m getting worse I have been struggling to find my purpose forever now. I’m 16 turning seventeen in three days. My life has been fine. I am in an upper middle class family. I struggle everyday to find happiness. The only happiness I get is from video games, which I play all the free time I have. I go to a private school which is known for its difficult work, and I feel like I’m fucking dying in class the past week. I don’t understand anything. I got a therapist last Friday and I’m seeing him again tomorrow. But since then everything has just been getting worse. I don’t get why I’m on this earth. I get pleasure out of nothing, and no one helps me in school because I hide it in front of everyone. But I hate everyone at my school. I have no social interactions or friends. My one “friend” is a condescending asshole, so I basically have no one. My sister moved out, my parents are split, my cockhole brother just moved back into the apartment. We moved into an apartment because we are building a house. For some reason the apartment setting is fucking tearing me apart and I hate my living situation. I just hate everything and nothing makes me happy but music, I don’t get why I am or what I’m doing with my life.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Is there any cure for complete apathy? Sometimes I try to improve. Maybe it lasts for a week or two, but then I fall back into a deep dark abyss of not caring enough about life to try. Every day I think to myself "it'd be easier of I were dead" and that's the lens I see life through. That's how it's been for almost 8 years now. Is there any hope for me, when every time I start to improve I just compulsively throw it all away cos I'd just rather die? My only ambition in life right now is to kill myself and nothing is helping me to get outside of that way of thinking.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
freaked the fuck out of my mind this morning just managed to calm down
|
self.Anxiety
|
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