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Trying to help people understand what it’s like living with bipolar disorder I have friends who are trying to understand what I’m going through, they are genuinely doing their best, but they don’t always get it. I always say it’s like waking up super glued to a rollercoaster that you didn’t sign up for, and doesn’t have any pattern. Which kind of helps, but doesn’t show all the aspects of living with bipolar disorder.
I’m looking for a way for them to experience it if they’re willing. I recently saw a video (I believe it was on buzzfeed) of people listening to a audio track that was supposed to simulate living with schizophrenia. I was wondering if there was a way to do something similar. Not necessarily an audio track, but something else that would make them possibly go through a small version of what we go through. I thought about getting them one of those fake lotto tickets that’s a winner, then grabbing it from them, ripping it up, and then dousing them with water, but that seems a bit harsh.
Thoughts? Ideas?
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self.bipolar
|
If it weren't for my family I would kill myself in a heartbeat Whenever I think about ending it all I think about my parents crying over my body. So I just keep trucking through this miserable existence as a proxy for my parents' happiness.
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self.depression
|
Breath in 3 secs, hold 3 secs, out for 6 secs My therapist suggested I try this. I've done alot.of different breathing exercises with mild results. But for me for some reason this ratio is perfect. Within 4 sets I'm noticeably calmer.
Also big thing is No/very little drinking, watch caffeine and sugar intake, good diet, lots of water, sleep, and daily exercise. Mediation too. And avoiding watching the major news stations sensationalizing every little thing (npr, bbc, nutral news the exception) and Facebook:) stay happy and anxiety free friends!
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self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone feel worse (nausea, derealization) after a hot shower? Hey, I was wondering if anyone's symptoms got worse for the first 30-60mn after taking a hot shower? I enjoy taking showers (so no panic attacks concerning the actual shower), but after it I just feel queasy and vulnerable to my symptoms.
Is it maybe because it gets me a bit tired or over-relaxed? I've noticed I tend to be most on-guard and vulnerable when I'm in a tired or even slightly-sedated state, which is why I avoid alcohol/weed/etc.
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self.Anxiety
|
Fear of being alone I don't mean relationship-wise. I mean being alone in a house at night. Even with the doors locked I hear every little thing. I live with my aunt & uncle out in a little town, so the house is a little secluded. It is very quiet, and their whiny little dog barks and growls at everything. I can't afford to move out on my own just yet, but I literally have severe panic attacks when I am alone that keep me up at night. Even sometimes during the day I get anxiety.
I think this comes from my past experience. 5 years ago when I was 16, my parents left me alone for one night and a crazy man broke into our house. So now I just can't handle being alone.
How do I deal with this? Sleeping pills? Anxiety medication? Moving into town sooner than later? Moving back home? I really want to get over this fear.
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self.Anxiety
|
Has anyone experienced anything like this or have any suggestions/advice ?? 😊 Hey!
I’ve had depression and anxiety since I was a child but the diagnosis has been questioned and is still being questioned by my current doctor, the diagnoses which have been thrown around include: bipolar II, borderline personality disorder, ADHD though depression and anxiety have always remained solid diagnoses.
I’ve tried many different medications my current ones being Effexor, Lamictal and Ritalin. Effexor has been the only medication that has had any effect even though it’s very slight, it helps with the anxiety but I still get panic attacks around exams and for the depression I’ve been able to perk up sometimes but it’s still very bad.
My symptoms include as I’ve said, anxiety/panic attacks with regards to exams, terrible working memory, anhedonia, extreme emotional reactions, fatigue, self harm, suicidal thoughts and insomnia.
I get episodes when I react intensely to perceived rejection from people where I can get incredibly depressed and suicidal.
I also have episodes of the stereotypical depression which includes not being able to get out of bed or do menial every day tasks, extreme apathy and ignoring all of my friends for no reason other than not having the motivation to do so which exacerbates the depression because my friends get angry with me or just forget about me.
The inability to concentrate and remember things really effects my school work which contributes to the depression and anxiety because I really need to do well in school but Ritalin won’t even work for me.
My problem is that I don’t know what to do now, I’ve tried so many different medications none of which have had any significant effect, I’ve done CBT, art therapy, psychotherapy and have been hospitalised in a psych hospital. My doctor hasn’t suggested anything new besides upping my medication dose.
Has anyone had any experience similar to this and what did you do to cope? Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should/can do?
Apologies for the long post,
Thanks!
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self.depression
|
can someone help me figure out the name for an irrational fear? Im not sure if this is a good place to post this but cant think of anywhere else
Basically, something has been bothering me for as long as i can remember. It's a small thing and doesnt affect me in every day life but ive been wondering exactly what it is and why is makes me feel nauseous. Its basically just an irrational fear but i want to know if there is a name for what I'm describing (even though i cant really put describe it well)
This is my problem -
I always feel weird/nauseous every time i see something huge next to something small. Im not afraid of heights and looking at large things doesnt bother me, but when i see something small in comparison to something big i get nauseous
The best way to explain is with images from movies and video games -
http://cdn.gamer-network.net/2017/usgamer/ac-origins-anubis.jpg
http://static.gosunoob.com/img/1/2017/11/ac-origins-how-to-defeat-anubis-trials-of-the-gods.jpg
https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/marvelcinematicuniverse/images/0/0e/Dormammu-doctor-strange-2016.png/revision/latest?cb=20170212070902
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/muYbXyYxd5E/hqdefault.jpg
I always have a hard time looking at the screen whenever something like this happens.
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm in university and I have nothing to live for except my parents [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel inferior all the time and it kills me I quick scroll through my post history will give you an oversight of my situation, but as I'm feeling worse than in a long time here we go.
I fucking hate myself. I feel otiose as a human being and for the position that I'm currently. I'm currently in military as a loader for 2A6 and I think that my death/evanescence would have zero impact on anything. I just feel useless. I used to be a driver, but my head couldn't take it and because of a knee damage earlier this year it is too painfull for me to be a gunner so loader it is.
It wouldn't be bad to be a loader but I just don't know fucking why I can't *bond* with anyone. I was recently moved from squad B to A (I've been with guys from B since basic training) so the little relationships I have are getting weaker as guys in B are getting closer. As most of the social circles have already been formed I feel it's so hard to 'get in' to A. It's complicated. I mean like I can work with them, occasionally tell a few jokes, but that's that. I don't know why it is so hard for me to form anything that lastess. I mean I was with the guys in B for almost half a year, but even after my best effort I couldn't form anything lasting. Fuck me.
Also to make everything worse I'm 99.99% sure that I've had inferiority complex for atleast 3 years. I tried to ask for a psychologist now during my military service, but my situation wasn't deemed as harmfull for my service, so no luck. I really really feel like I'm inferior. Fucking EVERYTHING I've done during my military service there has never been a situation where I could have learned a thing as fast as my peers. Same thing happened in gymnasium: I put say 100h of work in and get 60-70h of result while most if not all of my classmates get 95-120h (for the 100h). And yes, I have tried COUNTLESS ways of learning but even with the "best" one I don't seem the get that 100h of results.
One of my squad mates from B tried to cheer my up by saying "Only result matters, if you have to do it 20 times to get it righ then do it 20 times". He's not wrong, I don't hate myself for *Not learning*, I hate that I have to contribute more time for it. I feel that it is a serious weakness and I spite it.
EDIT: I would REALLY appreciate if someone said something, anything. Please somehow prove that I'm wrong.
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self.offmychest
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Will the suicide hotline call the cops on me? I can't find an answer online so...
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self.depression
|
I have multiple accounts, is this being paranoid? I have more than one Reddit account and the fact is, I worry someone might read my past posts and make a judgement about whatever opinion I decided to share at the present, then make an opinion/comment based only on the past posts and not the present post. I know because I've been a "post judger", too.
So to look like my posts might be more "normal" than i am, i have one account where i share all my problems, and another "clean" account which has no weird posts. The "clean" account always gets the best responses from others. So, is making multiple accounts due to paranoia about being being treated different online, a foolish idea?
Btw I'm bipolar too, so of course I have to always have a "dirty" account. Otherwise, where could I share the "ups and downs"? Lol.
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self.bipolar
|
Dumb things we've done today. Today I spelled "city" with an 's'. That's right. I live in a big sity.
What have you done today?
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self.bipolar
|
Can someone help me figure out my mom? My mom sits in front of a computer and plays second life and small worlds literally day and night. And does nothing but eat drink and use the bathroom every now and then.
When she does decide to interact with me or my little sister it’s on some aggressive type of talk. She doesn’t leave the house, she doesn’t do anything really.
I woke up today, did my chores and missed something that would be impossible to see given the light bulb to the room I was in was broken, and it was early so no sunlight was there to brighten up the room. So later in the day she calls my name literally 4 times in 7 seconds, but I’m using the bathroom so I decide to call her.
She picks up screaming “what are you calling me for?”
...............
Then I say “uuuhh.... what is it? You were calling me right?” Then she starts yelling, cursing, and connecting things that have zero correlation and I’m just here scratching my head thinking “what is she going on about?” Because she never got to the point of the reason why she was calling me until the very end. Still zero correlation.
So I just calmly say “look Mom, I’m using the bathroom and I don’t want to argue. But if it’s bothering you that much you can just handle it. I just did everything else, you can handle that one little thing for me I already did like 90% of that job anyways it should be easy.
She blows up again. Cursing and name calling and screaming at the top of her lungs. It’s weird. You’d think I did something to someone that was screaming like that.
When she was done she hung up on me. And now she’s laughing and giggling at the computer downstairs and I can hear her..... it’s super creepy.
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self.bipolar
|
needing to vent hey i'm pretty new to this so i'll just get right into it. i'm 18, currently going to community college, working part-time, etc. i'm also transgender (nonbinary, i.e. i don't identify as a boy or a girl but neither) and got dxed with schizoaffective disorder depressive type about six months ago when i got hospitalized in june when i was suicidal. before i thought i was feeling better and i'm taking my medicine and everything but i've just been feeling worse and worse lately. i'm exhausted of living and just getting through one day at a time because everything is so overwhelming and i'm tired of hearing the same words all the time, that "it'll get better" and "people care about you." i know it isn't going to get better, i may be young but i'm not (that) naive. my support system is basically two people right now and while i value them so, so much, they don't deserve to bear the weight of my own emotions when they have things of their own to deal with. my only concern is getting hospitalized again and missing/failing my finals but i care very little about it anymore and i just want it to be over. i was seeing a therapist but i don't want to waste her time and mine pretending that things are going to change. i'm sure the fact that i would say anything about any of this means that i won't go through with it at least tonight but i can't handle anything anymore. i feel so bitter and angry when i see people enjoying college (not community college, it wasn't my decision to go there) and having fun with their friends because i lost basically all contact with my friends when i graduated and i feel like a failure for going to community college. i haven't achieved anything important or unique and no one in my life is better off for having known me. i doubt they'll really care when i'm gone which makes me feel better because i didn't want to hurt anyone, but i'm a burden and a terrible person and it'll be better when i'm gone. anyways thanks if you read all this shit lmao
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self.SuicideWatch
|
After losing a great job because of BP2, and being out of work for a year, I have an interview today... I'm so gosh darn nervous. I'm trying to be cool about it but I'm freaking out inside. I hope I get it... Its a great company, I know someone who works there, and best of all they found ME on Linkedin and requested an interview... I didn't even apply! Wish me luck! I really really need some good days in my life right now.
Anyone else having a bit of luck on the job front these days?
Update: I have another in-person interview next week and they LOVED me! *happy dance*
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self.bipolar
|
Anxiety and the other voice So I have really bad anxiety especially now knowing that my vacay from work is coming to an end. Today is my last day off and it worries me. I had no sleep and have just been trying to fight this negative thought. When I finally got out of bed this morning I realized how bad it affected me. My room is a mess and I look like shit. Mind you I’ve also have a head cold I’ve been fighting and it feels like it’s dissipating. Anyway as I got to pee I heard the little voice in my head. “Take a shower and clean up a bit you’ll feel better” and I was like you’re right little voice I will. But then it’s like the negative voice kicked it in the stomach and said nooo don’t waste your time showering and cleaning you need to go lay in bed and feel safe with me. I’ve decided however to take the shower. I haven’t heard that voice in a long time and I’m glad I did. Maybe it won’t help and I’ll still feel like crap but I need to take care of myself. For real
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self.Anxiety
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worried about my career being ruined by a past mistake [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I just want to curl up in a ball, fall asleep, and not wake up. And for no one to care. The most heartbreaking thought I have is my mom's thoughts when she knows her kid wants to die. She doesnt know how to help. I dont know how to help either tho... Some fuckin weed would be a good start tho lol
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self.depression
|
Sometimes I feel like becoming kinder has made me weaker Growing up, I was full of anger and hatred. I hated my emotionally abusive family, I hated my schooling, and sometimes I even hated my friends. No one ever taught me how to manage my feelings in a healthy way. I lashed out at people, broke things, etc. My anger grew from without and within. It manifested itself as an infinite feedback loop of negativity that stunted me both emotionally and socially.
I've changed a lot as a person since then. Part of it was just plain growing up. A lot of it was through self-reflection and working through my issues. But I think most of it was leaving home and removing myself from the circumstances that made me the way that I was. I've mellowed out a lot. I'm a far kinder person now, and I can't even fathom the sort of anger I felt back then anymore.
To be honest, sometimes I feel like I've gone too far in the opposite direction. The walls I created between myself and others have broken down a lot. I used to not give a shit about anyone else. But now, I feel like I'm a lot more affected by negative experiences with others. I used to be able to brush off rude people so easily because I basically hated everyone else anyway. But now those experiences linger with me a bit. I'm always trying to give people the benefit of the doubt now, and I can't help but be a little bit hurt when they turn out shitty after all.
It's not necessarily a bad thing. I don't know, I feel like maybe in some aspects I've regressed a bit. Like somehow being nicer and more empathetic has made me worse at brushing off crappy people. I'm definitely not interested in returning to the way I used to be, but it feels weird having to reacquire that somewhat useful apathy I used to have. There are shitty people in the world. Obviously. Do I seriously need to relearn that? It's weird. I'm grateful that I was able to overcome and escape all the anger I used to feel, but I guess my emotional maturity is still a work in progress.
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self.offmychest
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Therapy Tuesdays Post about how therapy is going? What you're doing to find a therapist? Do you like your therapist?
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self.bipolar
|
What do I do now I hit rock bottom. I gave up everything for a man I loved. I didn't have much before. But I went to live alone and we bought an apartment and I bought my plane tickets to Europe to be together after more than a year. He literally just broke up with me. Here I am at an Airbnb because my flight is supposed to be Saturday. He left me because I couldn't buy him FIFA at Black Friday I couldn't get it! I waited in line so long and I get this game was important to him but so important I had to drop everything and go home for him to leave me? So important to end your engagement and leave me. I'm alone. I'm homeless and broke because I spent all this money for an apartment in Europe for us. I have nothing left, he was my only family. At this point I'm ready to end it all. He was my only family and I lost him, I'm alone with no one and dying looks really appealing. No one calls to check on me or cares unless they need money. I don't think I've ever had a real friend who wasn't in it for money or trying o get in my pants. I wish I could get a hug but there's no one in my life to give me one. I'm planning out how to end it all because my last spark of hope is gone. I guess I just needed to release one message into the void. It's lonely and the person I always talked to left me.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
i feel like a coward I was supposed to show up at my shitty job today with my friend but she called in such and so did I. I genuinely have been feeling unwell the past few days with the stress of a new job, the odd timings and lack of sleep. I told my mother i wanted to call in sick and she literally just gave me the most disappointed expression because she thinks i'm faking it. The symptoms I have are worsened by my anxiety but are real all the same.
I just feel so guilty and so ashamed for needing this time to myself. I'm terrified of going back and facing reprimand from my superiors for not going to work. I'm sitting here at the clinic with waves of dread rolling down my back and I just don't want to exist.
I know I shouldn't be so affected by a job that will literally end in 3 weeks for me but it's my first job, and I've been scolded and humiliated for things out of my control. I hate almost everyone there and I feel like such a joke. Quitting isn't an option for me and I know I have to stick it out to at least prove something to my family and myself.
I need advice please. How do I stop feeling this way? Like my mental health and my physical health and comfort are not important and that I'm weak? I don't have anyone around me who understands me without passing judgement. Trust me, if I was always rational and calm, I wouldn't be in this situation.
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self.Anxiety
|
I hooked up two pretty great guys together. It feels kinda good to see them talk to each other. I don't want anyone to feel alone ya know.
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self.depression
|
Fasting Glucose, Metformin, & Anti-psychotics I had a BMP done recently with my other regular bloodwork. It showed a fasting glucose of 134 mg/dL which was flagged as:
> ">=126 mg/dL Potentially indicative of diabetes mellitus. In absence of symptoms of unequivocal hyperglycemia, requires confirmation on subsequent day."
I am on Vraylar (3 mg) and a low dose of clozapine (100 mg). I am concerned that the clozapine is contributing to what might be the beginnings of a pre-diabetic condition. I have gained 20 lbs in the relatively short period that I have been on it.
There has been talk of using metformin to make it more tolerable but I have had uncomfortable experiences briefly using metformin previously so I am uncertain about the whole thing.
Has anyone had good luck with adding on metformin? Clozapine has been a game-changer for me so the notion of switching to something else is extremely distressing.
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self.bipolar
|
After an attempt. I tried to kill myself on Saturday night, but instead of me not waking up on Sunday morning, my uncle didn’t. I feel like it’s my fault somehow, like he knew I was trying to die and gave his life to me instead.. it can’t just be a coincidence. I’m more depressed than ever now but I know I can’t just throw my life out after he gave it back to me. It’s torturing me because I don’t think I want to be here anymore. I’ve thought about it so much. I’ve called out of work for the past 3 days because I know they could tell I’m not okay. I don’t know if I can fake it anymore. I want to cry but I don’t know if I have any tears left. This is all my fault, and I’m angry and upset that I’m still here and he’s not.
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self.depression
|
So I declined a New Years party and now I hate myself. I didn't want to go for fear of being awkward while I was there, even though I knew everyone there. I really fucking hate myself for not going, esp after I saw the party on a lot of people's sp stories.
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self.depression
|
Prozac + Buspar, does this combination make anyone else nauseous? Something in my medication cocktail has been making me feel sick, and my pdoc just flat-out dismissed that it was this combo because “a lot of people take it” (he’s not a good doc), so I thought I’d check on here. I also take:
Depakote
Gabapentin
Propranolol
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self.bipolar
|
Not working while you have depression I hope this doesn’t come off sounding rude, because I don’t mean it to, but I genuinely want to know how so many of you are financially able to not work or only work part time? I work a regular 40 hour job and I’m still struggling to get by. I constantly want to quit my job but it’s just not possible, and that need overrides my depression. How do you make it work?
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self.depression
|
For... For you all...
I wish I had people as nice as everyone is here.
You are all brilliant for sticking around and trying to help.
×
For you, S...
I will never forget.
The times we shared?
Painful, but meaningful.
The words we exchanged?
Reading them in my mind over and over again.
I will never see you again after this.
But we both know it should be like that.
It is what you wanted.
I cannot say that I will miss you.
I can say that you will not miss me.
I love you.
×
For you, A...
That summer?
Thank you.
For years you were the reason I stayed.
You taught me how to live.
You showed me life cannot always be sweet.
But you always were sweet towards me.
I hope you are happy.
×
For you, M...
You have always been the best person I have ever met.
You have always been there for me.
You have always acted like I was important.
Like I was not the mess that I am.
And that is why I cannot say goodbye directly.
×
For you, Mother...
I am sorry.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Dealing with loss of manic creativity Hey there, everybody. Longtime lurker, first time poster.
I had my first full-blown manic episode in September, days after starting a grad program. I was hospitalized involuntarily, one of the worst experiences of my life. It took me another 2 months or so to fully understand and accept that I had indeed lost my mind. I was finally able to see the absurd amount of damage I had caused, and of course, the depressive crash came with this realization, far worse than any depression I've ever experienced. The obsession I had with making sense of the episode led to such intense guilt and shame that I very seriously considered suicide. I limped through the end of my first quarter and finally realized that I couldn't handle the pressure of school and work on top of figuring out my mental health. My department approved a leave of absence for me until the fall.
Here's where things get a little tricky. My grad program is for creative writing, and it's a competitive program with funding for students. It's a writer's dream - you're getting paid to write and think about writing and teach people how to write for two years. For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a writer, but also for as long as I can remember, I've never really "worked" at writing -- it has always just come to me in bursts that I recognize now as periods of hypomania. Consequently, I never learned what it means to be dedicated to the craft, because I've always been able to just wait until inspiration strikes and produce a ton of good work at once with little effort. I'm terrified that once I'm finally stable and doing the right stuff with medication and therapy, it'll suck away my creativity and I won't be able to actually do the work I need to do to complete the program. Obviously I'd rather live a healthy life than put myself and the people I love through another awful experience, but I don't know how to reconcile this with my desire to chase the dream that I've had forever.
I'm not sure what the point of this post is, exactly. I'm just scared and feel like I may be losing the best part of myself. Is this the trade-off for stability? If anyone else has had similar experiences, or has found good ways to work around the loss of manic creativity, I'd love to hear about them.
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self.bipolar
|
Do you ever live exclusively so you don't hurt those you love?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Why must love be like that? I [22F] am truly in love again for the second time in my life. The first was my first boyfriend with whom I was together for 2 years. Falling for him was quick, intense, the whole relationship was really emotional and we were both crazy for each other. At the end we had very legitimate reasons for breaking it off, but when we were in love, I would feel a physical ache in my chest when he wasn't around. I sometimes lost sleep because I was thinking about him instead. Every time we parted ways after spending time together, I immediately felt teary-eyed, because I missed him even before he'd left.
I'm now older and I'd like to think that also wiser and more experienced. This summer I met a guy on a dating app. He contacted me first and asked me out. He seemed really nice from the start, but I wasn't immediately struck, more like very slowly charmed. It took a few dates for me to realise how I'm thinking of his fragnance and his warm hugs hours after he has left. It took me a while to notice that he was the last thing I now thought about before going to sleep and the first when I started a new day. My mind keeps wandering to him all the time. I think this weekend, even though we'd said it before, I finally realised that I love this guy. I met him briefly to get some things I forgot to his place some days ago and I was so reluctant to leave, although I knew he had schoolstuff to do. He also didn't want to let go of me.
Being in love is an absolutely strange feeling. You're light-headed, forgetful, emotional. You want to hold them even though you just did. You can't contain your happiness when you see them again after a long time. You want to do anything so they'd feel amazing and as loved as you feel in their company.
Love's a curious thing indeed. And yet the nicest thing a human being can experience on this earth.
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self.offmychest
|
I wish I could touch a girl I know its really pathetic but I just wish I could like even hold hands with or hug or cuddle a girl im so lonely it hurts really bad it feels so good getting physical contact I wish I could hug someone.
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self.depression
|
Work is the main reason for my anxiety. I am lucky to have a good job and a good boss. It's really low stress so I don't know why it gives me such anxiety. Its a desk job that I've been doing for almost 4 years.
I had a nice anxiety free weekend but come Sunday night I start to get that heavy feeling in my chest.
Anyone else have something similar? Any suggestions? Tnx
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self.Anxiety
|
Harvey Two Face Got Nothing On Me. (Unrelated Title, the post is me mostly confused on who I really am). I am a different person to everyone, and everyplace. It's actually kinda sad when I have nothing to do and start thinking about it. It's come to a point where I really can't tell if this is how I like it to be, or if just another one of me is trying to make me think that way.
When I was young, I did not have any real friends, just people who did not completely hate me. I guess then I wanted to have multiple personalities or voices in my head, so that would give me an illusion of having real friends. I had this dream where I would clone myself and then have that one person every movie protagonist has, someone they can trust. I don't know if it grew from there, but now I do talk to myself (for a long while now), but it's mostly two other mind versions of me discussing what body version of me should do. And if there's two or more contradicting thoughts, I get real stressed. This makes me over analyze things, and that I like, I think.
I can't say if it's normal, or if it's a part of me wanting to be considered different, or a part of me wanting to have multiple personality disorder (I think I used to want some disorder at some point, doesn't matter which one. I sound like a terrible person, but I really don't mean it.). But I think this is what makes me a different person everywhere. My moods can change within seconds and I'd find it "understandable". I try to avoid much people as I can, I don't trust anyone. But at the same time, I get sad and all when I am left alone.
I don't know where this is going, or if this is going off topic, I need to constantly keep myself occupied, I guess. I apologize for wasting your time. I really don't want to read the whole thing again cause then I'll only delete most of it.
This isn't a cry for help though, I'm usually fine by myself. I guess in a way I like it this way, again, I really don't know if that's real or not. Heh. Once again, I apologize for taking your time. (If there is someone reading this. Had to clarify as it would look sad if there wasn't and I still apologize. Heh).
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self.offmychest
|
How do you remedy the fact that you can’t know how you compare to others? I feel like a failure, but when I try to solve this internal dilemma by rationalizing that *everyone* fails and makes constant mistakes I found myself out-rationalizing that thought by thinking: OK, even if everyone makes mistakes you make *more* in comparison, and you can’t ever possibly know if that’s true or not because no one reveals those failures, but because you’re such a piece of shit let’s just assume it’s true and stay on the safe side. You fail more often than others, and are therefore a failure.
I don’t see how it’s possible to not view myself this way or stop this way of thinking , if I can’t know the exact specifics of other’s lives and their own failures, I’ll rationalize that I make more mistakes them. If somehow I could know, I’d end up still “counting” my own experiences as adding up to more failures than everyone else. However I still think the latter would bring me more peace of mind because I might eventually be able to recognize how I measure up. With the former, I’ll never know, and it eats away at me.
I honestly don’t know if this makes any fucking sense, I hope so.
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self.depression
|
Lost in thought because the sleeping pill decided not to work tonight. I've been insanely lucky these past weeks and even though I should be happy, happiness is not what I'm feeling.
I genuinely feel like I'm in a dream and I'm just waiting to wake up and lose the things I've won. My reality is so warped right now and I keep jumping to the conclusion to snap myself out of the dream. My mind is so exhausted from all of this, getting lucky and being really excited then something pushes me back down and all of the sudden I don't feel like it really happened and that I'm going to wake up soon. Maybe I'm just in a coma or something and this is my dream.
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self.depression
|
I just want to go away forever I just want to die already. There’s no point in trying to be happy and convincing myself that it’s possible because I’ll just get crushed when I inevitably don’t improve. I tell myself every single year that the following year will be better and I’ve been able to hold onto that hope for a long time but I’m just done I’ve had it. I am just hoping I get killed in a car accident or something. I live in a bad area I might just take a night time stroll somewhere I shouldn’t be and see what happens. I just want to die. I would kill myself but it would destroy my family. So it’s either crush the hearts of my family members or continue to live this life of mental torture. I just wish I can just die and go away. I don’t want to live anymore. There’s no hope. I just want to die
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self.depression
|
I don't know what to do anymore My mind is in shambles and I'm the only one who can pick up the pieces. But I can't.
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self.SuicideWatch
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If I could just know that I would get in to one school, I'd be okay. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I just hung myself but I caught myself I tonight I was hanging off a hook in the garage.
I was tightening the dressing gown tie when I slipped and fell off a table I was standing on, as I was hanging I accidentally caught myself as there was a box near me which I didn't realise I could stand on. I completely panicked because the garage light was on and anyone from the street would have been able to see in. I was freaked out in case I didn't just die and just broke my neck or went into a coma.
I'm confused because before I went to hang myself I had this overwhelming feeling of euphoria and happiness. Like I was vibrating on another level. I was so happy to die.
Why did I stop myself?
I'm so sorry I don't know where else to post.
Sorry for bothering you all
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Bringing up anxiety in a romantic context So my (edit: M/20, for the record) first relationship just ended. I thought I'd mentioned that I struggle with mental illness (undiagnosed anxiety, but about to try and change that, fwiw), but either I hadn't or she didn't remember. I know I wasn't explicit enough with it. So my anxiety affected how I behaved and she had no context for my behaviour.
I'm about as ok as you can expect to be in the circumstances, but I'd like to hear some success stories about now. If you've had this to tackle and have made romance happen despite it, what have you found are the best strategies for working around it, how and when did you mention it, and what have you found you have to avoid doing?
Edit: I wrote this just before going to bed, so I promise I'll get back to any replies - but it might be a while. Don't know how long I'll stay awake.
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self.Anxiety
|
I wish you would have told me why. Last year, we were best friends. Last year, I could call or text you at any time.. nothing had changed; you were there for me and I you. But then, this year, things changed. You changed. I tried for months to talk to you and then when I did, things didn’t turn out as I had hoped. Or expected.
You didn’t even say if you missed my friendship, if you even wanted to remain friends. You didn’t say anything at all, really and it hurt me so incredibly bad and it still does.
It’s December. I can’t stop thinking about “loved ones” and you come to mind constantly. You were going to be at my wedding, for heavens sake.. you knew things about me that no one knew.
I tried to write to you as months passed but got no response. My phone broke and I got a new one, with a new number. I found a back up of my old phones contacts I had written in a book.. your number jumped out and I’m restraining myself from texting you.
I wrote to you on Skype; I’m probably blocked. I want so badly to just know what I did, what happened. I just want to know if there have been any moments at all where you’ve thought of me. I just want to know if you feel the same sadness, the same regret, the same hurt and emptiness I do.
That’s all I want, honestly.
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self.offmychest
|
Moving with Anxiety [F/25] I am from Perth Western Australia and I want to move states to Melbourne for a job.
I have been searching for jobs in Perth for a while now after I finished my degree and I haven't been able to land a position in the field I studied. I applied for a job in Melbourne out of curiousity to see if I would get hired and I was told that I would get the position, so I'm giving myself a year to save money and get ready to move.
I really need this job, it's good money, good experience in the field, and I think the move will be good for me to give me some independence and do something different with my life,
but I am scared to move.
About 9 months ago I tried to move to America for 6 months for an internship. Before this I wouldn't have considered myself someone who had a diagnosed anxiety disorder, just someone who was maybe a bit more anxious than the average person, but in trying to move to America i suffered panic attacks, and constant 24/7 extreme heightened anxiety (for the first time in my life) where I wasn't eating or sleeping. I flew home after about a week of this and went to the hospital as an out patient to get treatment.
I am ALOT better now, and I understand that moving to a country that is on the other side of the world is different to the state over, but after all this I am questioning my ability to move states.
I lost a big chunk of my life after coming back from America. I had a proper mental break down and it did take me a good 6 months to get back on the horse again after that.
I am really scared that I am going to go through the panic attacks all over again, the not sleeping or eating again, that I am not going to be good at my new job particularly now since anxiety has now become an issue for me, or just not having my support system is going to make me crumble, but there's basically no work for me here unless I go back to uni.
Has any one else with anxiety ever moved away from their home before and have any advice for me?.
|
self.Anxiety
|
What do I do? I went to the bathroom today during lunch and scratched up my arm with a key and its really obvious. I have gym tomorrow and have to wear short sleeves. I don't want any "don't self harm" crap I genuinely need advice. How can I hide it?
|
self.depression
|
Memory / Listening issues I have GAD and Depression, and I’m wondering.. do you have horrible memory skills? Not long term, but short term.
I can’t remember things I’ve said to someone just six hours later. I know I tell the same thing over and over. My friends don’t usually correct me, but I hate it!
I also can pretty much zone so badly, my hearing shuts off. This has happened to me my entire life. Not just not listening, but everything around me goes silent. My husband looks at me and talks to me. I hear nothing.
Any recommendations to get myself around this issue? Anyone have the same happen tothem??
|
self.Anxiety
|
A quote from the first book of the Game of Thrones series (no spoilers) that's helped me with my struggle "You saw what was there"
"Just so. Opening your eyes is all that is needing. The heart lies and the head plays tricks with us, but the eyes see true. Look with your eyes. Hear with your ears. Taste with your mouth. Smell with your nose. Feel with your skin. *Then* comes the thinking, afterward, and in that way knowing the truth."
|
self.Anxiety
|
Can't Sleep! Back to college tomorrow. Got up extra early and went for a 2 hour walk today, meditated and read before bed so I could maybe sleep a bit better. Think I could sleep? No!
It's probably because I thought about it too much but it's really annoying.
I thought I'd get on my phone and rant. Probably the wrong thing to do but for every other person in the same boat, best of luck with your sleep. Right, I'll give it another go...
Night everyone!
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self.Anxiety
|
I hate it I hate that I can never relax because theres always a problem on my mind.
I hate that even the thought of going out and interacting with people makes me almost have a panic attack.
I hate that I can't support my friends because I can't bring myself to attend social events where there are people I don't know.
I hate that I'm not capable of ordering my own food, making appointments or even talking on the phone.
I hate that thought of even going outside makes me want to cry.
I hate that seemingly nothing can trigger my anxiety.
TL;DR: I hate that my life is ruled my fear and anxiety
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self.Anxiety
|
Stuck I feel stuck and it's making me suicidal.
I was doing well physically; working out regularly and training for a 5k. Then I slacked off a bit and right before my race I got pneumonia. Now I'm having residual breathing problems and I don't know if it's leftover from the pneumonia, my asthma acting up, or a more serious issue I had coming back.
I was just starting to ahead with money, then yesterday I get 2 bills out of the blue that I thought insurance was going to cover but apparently they didn't. And now that the new year is here my 1st prescription for my ADD med is gonna be about $175 plus $50 for my rescue inhaler and all my regular costs. I have an Associate's degree, but I'm not working in my field and I make $9.10/hr. Lol that's one good thing though, I have 2 jobs, the one kinda is in my field. (But I only work it one day a week.) My wages have been being garnished from my 2nd job to pay off my student loan. I now owe $1. So I guess that's a good thing.
My regular job has been sucking hard lately. I was working the early shift until late summer when the one girl with kids' shit changed and took me out of the role that I was good at and enjoyed and put me in 1 of 2 roles that I either dislike or hate. But that's not even the worst of it. She can't handle the job. She thinks she knows everything and tells everyone what to do, constantly bitches and moans about everything, and her work is sloppy. But my manager is too nice to get rid of her because she's a single mother. But she just makes my skin crawl with all her rules and notes and bitching!
Everything, coupled with winter, and I'm just feeling like I'm in a pit that I can't get out of. I'd really like a nice cup of mania right about now LOL.
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self.bipolar
|
First time working a third shift and I can't sleep. I stayed up last night and only got 3 hours of sleep in hopes that I would be able to sleep before my shift tonight. Now it's 5 hours away and I still only have that 3 hours. I'm hoping that posting here will help me stop running that fact over and over again in my head. The only solace I can take is that I'll have access to coffee and have never drank it before so hopefully it will have a strong effect, well that and that my general inability to sleep will translate into being able to function tonight.
After 2 months unemployed I jumped at the first job I was actually offered and now I'm worried that I'm going to screw it all up. I'm so sick of anxiety marking every aspect of my life.
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self.Anxiety
|
Did my cousin come onto me? So....to start off, a few days ago I think my cousin tried to have sex me. I'm 24 and she is 35. Lets call her K. As I was getting off a long shift from work, I somehow ended chilling with K for the night. K was pretty intoxicated, K kept trying to get me to drink with her but I was extremely tired. After I refused, K kept hugging on me and wrapping her leg around me. K kept telling me, for a quiet person I was charming. (I was like wtf I am awkward af) Anyways K grabbed my hand alot and tried to get me to follow her. My thoughts were K is just drunk and she didn't know what she was doing. Told her I had to go and I split. Been avoiding her ever since. The really fucked up thing is since then, for some reason, I think K became hella attractive. If K really came onto me and tried again, I would mess around with K. (Weird I know 😐) That's why I am here, you guys think from my explanation K tried to bone me? If so, if K tried again should I go through with it? Idk anymore, I'm just really glad to be able get this off my chest. Have a pleasant day/evening
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self.offmychest
|
Need different points of view than the ones i have... So recently it turned to shit with my girlfriend...
We have problems communicating because she puts walls up and wont explain what she means.
Therefore leaving me to guess everything constantly...
Shes been acting up recently about me "assuming things" but really everytime i ask to understand (whatever the fuckin topic is) she simply replies "I don't know and shut down"
It as been causing big issues in trust for me since a while... (the accumulation of months of self doubt and accusations. I felt like i appologised for more that 40 hours...)
At the beguining of our relationship she cheated on me with her ex... she said she felt bad and so i forgave her...
The accumulation of lack of explainations and walls that constantly block my path at understanding wtf is going lead me to trust-issues related to my own past emotionnal traumas (example: ex girlfriend lying about being faithful but she wasnt, rape, ex girlfriend being an abusive escort, fear of abandonment, fear of getting attached too quick etc...)
We had an argument the whole day where she would constantly assume that i wanted to dump her "I personally thought that she wanted to dump me since a week..." and she then accused me of starting shit and assuming stuff when i'm constantly forced to guess because she cant seem to open up....
Then she said some mean comment about her not understanding why i havent made another step in the relashionship... she expect us to get married (only 1 year in relationship, havent even tried to live together yet) and she cant communicate with me.... she says that she doesnt open up because she is afraid ill leave... but im panicked by the idea of staying because she doesnt open up!
She comes from a religious familly. Mine is atheist.
She is politically centered (uncarring) i'm so to the extreme left that if you sit to my left you fall the fuck off the earth.(constantly emotionally fucked by what is happening in the world)
It been a year that we are together and i feel like i barely know her since she opened up so little but at the same time i've grown to think that she doesnt fuckin know anything about herself (her taste, her hobbies, her talent)....
Its seems extremely abstract to me to expect to get a wedding with someone in such a situation help.... i need advices, point of view, whatever...
I'm still trying to make it work even if at some times its seems abusive....
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I destroy everything I touch (extremely long) Caused a huge argument between my parents this morning, it's only 5 am. My dad was getting ready to go to work, I was already up since 3, my mom was about to go to sleep. (my parents sleep in the living room btw) So I go in the living room where they are and turn on the tv, and you know I'm just chilling with them because I wanted to be around my parents and because it was cold in my room and warm in the living room. My mom, who was trying to go to sleep, says she wants to go to sleep and tells me to turn the tv off and go back in my room, gets up and goes to the kitchen to get more beer (she's already drunk at this point), and my father makes a quip, something like "already she's drinking (because it's so early in the morning)" which my mother hears and oh boy, she just flips out. Even though it happened not even an hour ago I can't remember what she said, it was just random trivial stuff. You know how some drunks keep saying the same things over and over and it's hard to shut them up? It was like that. My father said this one thing that, to me, was just a joke, but my mother took it extremely serious, as though my father was accusing her of something. She just starts shouting at my dad and my dad starts to yell back, and I'm shushing everyone but they ignore me and keep going at each other. I tell my mom it was just a joke, but then she gets mad at me saying I'm always taking my dad's side (which is kinda true...) and she starts crying because she feels I'm never on her side. Then my dad goes "oh here she goes crying" and that set my mom off even further. She starts saying she's unappreciated, nothing she does is ever right. My dad starts saying he needs to get out of the house (as in, for good) and begins rushing to get ready to leave for work even though it's too early for him to head out. Meanwhile I'm left in the house facing off with my mom, saying she's too sensitive and takes things too seriously. She says that I don't know everything my father has done, and that my father is always "blowing up" at her, and throwing (figuratively) things in her face, like the fact that she doesn't work and my father views her as kind of lazy.
I'm sitting in my room now thinking, man, if I had never went into the living room to spend a little quality time with my parents, this never would've happened. It's literally all my fault. I just wanted to relax with them before my dad left to work and then this all happened. And it's not even the first time either. My mom also accused me of always starting trouble, this time because I came and turned on the tv. I wasn't trying to start trouble. Then she tells me about how she looked on the phone bill or whatever and saw my dad is calling the same number over and over, and apparently my mom called the number and a woman answered. This information comes to me as somewhat shocking. Yesterday or the day before, my parents were arguing while I was just waking up in my room, so they thought I was asleep, and I have no idea whether or I misheard this or not but it sounded like my dad told my mom "you don't even want to have sex." But I didn't hear her respond to it, so either I did mishear or she just ignored the question. And the day before *this* argument I woke up and went to the kitchen. I passed the living room where my father was watching tv and he was watching porn. Legit porn with genitals on screen. (I don't even know how he found that; I thought you couldn't show genitals on tv? he was fiddling around with the Input menu [TV, hdmi 1, hdmi 2, etc] so it makes me think it was a dvd or something. But yeah, with this knowledge and now the appearance of a woman's phone number have me... some type of way. I don't know what I feel. If my dad were cheating I would be a little mad, but also he's my father and he's never done anything bad to me. Most of all I would feel hurt for my mom, but at the same time I can't help thinking some of this is her fault. I know I'm a bad daughter for saying this, but it's just how I feel and I need to say it to someone. I honestly wonder at times if my mother has some type of mental illness (bipolar?) or if it's just menopause so she's hyper sensitive to everything or maybe it's just her personality but I feel she starts arguments with my dad out of thin air. The most insignificant comment my dad makes my mom takes it as a signal to commence world war 3. I just can't hear what she hears when my father says something to her. My father is a jokester, and I take most of what he says as jokes. Even when he criticizes me about my lack of work ethic, I just ignore him or change the subject. But my mother can't let things go. She takes everything as a personal insult and just can't keep quiet when it comes to my dad. She's taken up drinking; at first it seemed like casual drinking - plenty of adults have a beer/wine after a long day to unravel. But now it seems like she drinks to deal with being married to my father but drinking only makes it worse because as I stated before, my mom will just repeat herself over and over and won't drop an argument no matter what, so her drinking creates a loop. Can't deal with my father > drinks > drunk, gets in argument with dad > drinks more.
It's not even just my father. I remember maybe a year or 2 ago (feels more recent tho) she got into an argument with the clerk at the T-mobile store. There were 2 clerks, one up front (man), one in the backroom (woman). We're all there to get new phones. My mom is talking to the man setting us up, then the woman comes and asks my mom a question about our phone plan or something. A normal person would just answer the question, don't you think? But instead, my mom tells the woman "excuse me but I was talking to the man over here", the store clerk says she was just asking to help set us up, and my mom is like "ok but you were rude just now, coming in and interrupting our conversation" and the clerk is trying to explain that she was just trying to help, but it kept spiraling out of control with my mom calling the woman a bitch, but imo the woman remained polite. She never called my mom any names, she just went back to the backroom until we were finished getting our phones (yes, we still decided to get our phones from there). Even with me and my dad there, we couldn't calm my mom down. She got into an argument over an employee literally doing her job and trying to help...
Well this was all over the place. I don't even care if anyone responds. I just had to write this out. But I keep thinking, am I a bad daughter? It's true I often take my father's side in an argument because his side is the most logical, looking from my unbiased viewpoint. I can't see or hear what my mother sees or hears from him. Is my mother actually mentally ill? Why does she go ballistic over such trivial things most people would ignore, laugh off, or just not notice? Days and mornings like these keep coming. I really got to get out of this house. And I hope to God I don't end up like my mother, stuck in a loveless marriage, miserable, trapped because I can't financially support myself. I don't want to be held down like that. I have to find a job and get out of here.
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self.depression
|
no one to trust or to get help from? what should i do? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Help me! I'm self sabotaging my life and I don't know how to stop all I can hear is I DONT CARE! I DONT CARE! I DONT CARE! over and over again in my head when I try to argue with whats going on. Im just destroying my life I've spent so much time trying to build. Im just sitting around watching netflix hoping to get rid off the pain. and the worst part is I know I'm sabotaging myself but I can't stop myself from doing it. if i don't stop il end up quitting uni and my job.
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self.depression
|
Finally a place were I can cry My mom wouldn't let me take a bath unless I finish my tasks, thank God my bother convinced her... now I can finnaly cry
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self.depression
|
I cant stand to be alone anymore I'm trapped in my own mind. Its a fucking mess in here. No one to share it with or talk to about it. I constantly wish for some freak accident to happen to me. I hate my existence. Everything about me is ugly, inside and out.
I really can't commit suicide though. I wish I could have that option, but it won't happen. I'm too much of a pussy to do it myself. Too many people "care" about me, emphasis on the quotation marks. No they fucking don't. The only thing they ever tell me is "don't do it." They don't want me dead because to them death is bad. To me, it's what I long for because I'm completely useless. Fuck my life. If nothing good happens to me in the next week, I'm fucking gone. I may just accidently lose control of my vehichle at 2am on a rural road. Fuck everything.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I can't remember how to be happy anymore. I used to be great at taking to people and making friends and such, but for years now i just cant. I find it hard to talk to anyone at all i want to so bad, i just can't. It always ends with me turning to drugs and just hoping each time i won't wake up. I don't want this i just want to learn how to be happy and i have no how. Just looking for any advivce.
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self.depression
|
I plan on staying fused to my couch this weekend. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Getting so close to beating this... until I'm around other people. For the past couple months I've been really starting to beating the shit outta my depression. Went to the gym consistently for 3 months, started meditation, learning more about philosophy and focusing on rewiring by brain and thinking about the positives.
The thing is now I'm starting to feel happy, confident, relaxed and calm and collected in my own head and when I'm at home or with some super close friends. But as soon as I'm around some more people, strangers or even regular friends I start to feel walls of insecurity come up and I get shy and quiet and start beating myself up again.
I can just feel my confidence disappear, feelings of worthlessness come up and start over thinking everything and can't talk freely. I end up coming off as "shy" and "quiet" and the guy who barely says anything and gets completely steam rolled and overlooked.
I've always had self-esteem, social, and self-worth (for lack of a better word) issues. I feel really close to beating this thing once and for all and this seems to be one of the last hurdles in the way. Anyone got any advice?
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self.depression
|
Reddit, I want to kill myself right now. Please help. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I can't afford rent. I'm going to have to pawn my guitars to cover what I can and it's devastating. My guitars were the last reminder that I'm a musician. I wish it didn't have to come to this. . . I'm scared. I'd rather be dead than homeless again. I just want to die. I don't see a way out. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me. It may seem stupid or extreme but I don't think I'm going to make it through the week.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
The Loneliness is overwhelming Honestly, I've been lonely for about three months. Tonight it has just gotten 10 times worse. I went hunting in my medicine cabinet to see what I could mosey up but maybe by some divine intervention, all my sleeping meds have been used up. I'm aching right now. Physically aching. I feel sick and I want to vomit. I wish I could just curl up into a ball and disappear. Life has been so fucking hard these last few months and I'm spiraling into a place I didn't even know existed. I just don't want to feel alone anymore.
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self.depression
|
I'm pathetic. All I do is bitch about my life. I've tried changing but I get discouraged too easily because I'm a lazy piece of shit. I project hate into the world because that's all I feel. I don't deserve love or compassion because I push people away on the off chance they'll hurt my pussy-ass feelings. I want to die. I want to wake up in someone else's body, and someone else's life. I don't want to be a miserable old lonely piece of shit. I don't want to be anything. I quit.
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self.depression
|
I don't think I love them anymore I’ve been in a long distance relationship for a bit over a year. We are six years apart, with me being the younger of the two. We make one another laugh but I honestly have begun to think we’re better friends than partners, and I just don’t think they think that’s the case. They act like our entire lives are decided and we're going to be together forever. We broke up for about a month a few months back and I felt fine other than them constantly contacting me, but ultimately they broke me down and I took them back. The reason we broke up was the same reason I’m feeling the way I feel now. They have changed since we first met. When we first met, they were incredibly sensitive and sweet. They portrayed themselves a certain way, with certain interests, and since we’ve gotten together they have slowly… I don’t know how to say this other than… *devolved*. They use a bunch of slurs that I’m not comfortable with, are constantly making “jokes” that make me uncomfortable (I call them out every single time but they don’t stop), they aren’t romantic at all, they almost never compliment me (instead they just make “jokes” about my appearance) they’re lazy, they refuse to get a job, and… I feel like I’m moving forward in life while they just aren’t. And this is why we broke up the first time. I ended it for these reasons but ultimately got back with them because I missed having my best friend around. Plus they spammed me with how upset they were and how stupid they felt and sent me a bunch of gifts constantly… Low-key gas-lighting me into being in a relationship again. Now I’m visiting them for the first time in a while and I’m just… not having a good time. I’m not invested. And I feel fucking awful and like a monster. Breaking up with them the first time was hard enough, I have no idea how I would even go about doing it again. I don’t want to delude them into thinking everything is still great, but I also just don’t know if I love them romantically anymore. And I don’t think I realistically see a future here. I’m going back and starting a new job/my senior year of college, do I just let the distance get the best of us? I’m going to be incredibly busy, would that be better than basically saying I fell out of love? I want advice, so if you have any, please let me know.
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self.offmychest
|
Please help me help! Hi! I know a person who has come to me and said that they have anxiety (idk which though). She has helped me with my depression and I sometimes notice that she seems sad. I really want to help her (I'm in love with her) and I don't know how. I guess you should be able to help me?
|
self.Anxiety
|
What makes you happy/ Keeps your moods up when things go downhill? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Women, some of you are so disgusting. I'm a woman too, and I cannot fucking stand going into a public restroom after you.....when you've used that little box to throw away your used personal hygiene products and LEFT THE BOX LID UP. Sweet baby Jesus, take two fucking seconds and close the damn lid. No one wants to see (or smell) your used bloody rags when we are sitting right next to the box. Damn inconsiderate slovenly people.
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self.offmychest
|
What if anxiety is a blessing in disguise? We have to work harder than most people, and we have to get through a lot of shit to accomplish things, but wouldn't that make us a stronger person in the end? I mean, we are forced to face our fears, isn't that a good thing?
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self.Anxiety
|
I hate when I go out, drink, meet girls or whatever, and then get back home wasted and ball my eyes out realizing it was a temporary escape. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
My mom keeps quitting her antidepressant, what can I do? My mom has been going through a separation from my dad for the last year after discovering his infidelity. Without delving into a very long story, she’s been seeing psychiatrists and psychologists for the past year to deal with her depression and anxiety as a result of this (and probably other lifelong issues as well). Twice already she’s stopped taking her Lexapro and gone through some pronounced bouts of sadness. The first time was around 6 months ago, and when we discovered it we talked her into taking it again. But yesterday I discovered she quit again about a month or two ago, right when I started noticing she was getting very sad and crying a lot more.
I live very far from her (about 10 hours flight time), and I don’t know what to do any more. She says the Lexapro “doesn’t have any effect on her”, which is total bs because I notice a huge difference when she quits. I’m planning to reach out to her psychiatrist and psychologist to tell them what’s happening, but I don’t know what else I can do.
Does anyone have other advice? If there’s a better subreddit where I can post this let me know. Thanks in advance.
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self.depression
|
I think I'm becoming a sociopath and I don't want to stop. TL,DR: I used to be an idealistic kid who was interested in psychology, technology and international law. I've slowly been disappointed by everyone I've met because of their selfishness, thoughtlessness and complacency. I've hate bureaucracy, politics, hippies, and basically everybody. I just had to get all of these feelings out and they came out in this word vomit stream of consciousness:
I hate humanity. We live in a world where corruption, nepotism, selfishness and greed are commonplace, accepted and sometimes encouraged. People only look after their families, they go to church to make themselves feel better and then go back to their homes where they hoard their wealth. Or they convince themselves that they’ll reincarnate into something better, or that their spirit will become something greater to make themselves feel better about how dismal all of our lives have become.
Our society has no incentives to help the poor. We put barriers in place to ensure that those at the bottom stay at the bottom. We make it harder for felons to get a job, so the only way for them to have a competitive income is crime. The baby boomers got to look forward to national space exploration, we get to look forward to a wealthy entrepreneur maybe making it to Mars for himself.
People have resigned themselves to finding what little comfort they can. Entertainment is the new fulfillment. Finding peace with ones self is the eventual goal - not making the world a better place. The American Dream has died. We no longer wish to help the world become better. Everyone is only looking out for themselves and their loved ones. We have deteriorated into a third world country. We fuck over our own country when we learn towards isolationism and we fuck over other countries when we become imperialist.
What happened to prospering to such a degree that we sought to help countries that were less fortunate than us? We discovered those in charge couldn’t be trusted to do such a thing. Kuwait, Chile, Iraq, Vietnam, Nicaragua, Libya; all examples of how our so-called humanitarian aid was just a ruse for the government to exploit, rob and kill other people for their own gain; and the American people didn’t even get a cut of the profits, just the politicians, the oil companies and the arms dealers.
Republicans and Democrats alike allow lobbyists to erode their morals away to the point where they have to hide the sociopaths that they become. Racism, hatred, bigotry and violence are the most unifying and consistent human qualities worldwide. Politicians push it on us, creating a culture divided against itself to earn votes for their own side. I’m sick of believing that good triumphs over evil. I’m tired of constantly being disappointed by how thoughtless, self-serving and malicious humans are. I’ve come to embrace how naive everyone has become. We just choose to believe that people are good so that we can live with ourselves.
The left hates the right, the right hates the left. Progressives hate conservatives, conservatives hate progressives. Atheists hate religious people, religious people hate atheists. Moderates struggle with self doubt and cognitive dissonance because of all of the external pressure to take sides. We are animals. We are shitty, self defeating animals trying to convince ourselves that we’re different than stray dogs fighting each other in an ally, covered in their own blood and piss. I hope we all die in a nuclear holocaust. What a fitting end for such short-sighted, arrogant beasts.
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self.offmychest
|
I just screwed a salesman out of a $500 commission I was tasked with making a purchase of approx $5000 worth of equipment by my manager. I contacted the manufacturer and was put in contact with an account representative. He was very responsive and answered all of my questions. He even traveled several hours one way to give us a demo. We worked out what products were right for us and I had him provide a quote.
I forwarded the quote to our company's purchasing department at the corporate office before leaving on vacation for Thanksgiving. Catching up on email this morning, I found a reply from the purchasing department saying the manufacturer wasn't in their system as an approved vendor and they have decided to pay a markup and buy the equipment from a reseller that they already have in their system as opposed to establishing the manufacturer as a new vendor.
Now I'm typing out an email to the salesman at the manufacturer telling him this and I feel like an asshole for wasting his time.
It was out of my control and a $500 commission (assuming he gets 10%) probably isn't huge for him, but it still feels bad. My sympathy to anyone out there depending on commissions to earn a living.
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self.offmychest
|
I hate that my words don't mean anything. I don't know why I write so much. I have some fantasy that somehow the things I feel matter. I have so many thoughts and feelings about the world and my life that I write but I have no clue why. I have some faint hope that maybe someday I can write them and they'll be famous or I'll be revered for them or something. But all I'm writing is basically a melodramatic journal. I'm almost 21 years old and it's pretty much the equivalent of what I assume angsty 15-year-olds write. I still feel all the same things I did when I was a teen. The feelings haven't gone away. I still feel like the world doesn't care about me. I still feel like my voice doesn't matter. I still want to find some fucking meaning for all the years I've been isolated from everyone else like it's given me some deep wisdom that people will think I'm amazing for knowing. The only wisdom I've found is that as much as what I write in my "journals" I find that it's been done before, done better, and done by people way younger than me. I broke down in tears reading a person's book about their suicidal issues not because I empathized with them but because I realized that I'm not special. I'm not special for being emotional and writing about it. Everyone fucking does it. Being successful a writer is pretty much impossible. I don't know why I imagine it so much. Oh wait, I do. It's because it's the only thing I can honestly see myself doing that will give any meaning to my stupid past because I'm so afraid that this angst will never go away, and I really don't think it does. I think it just becomes something that people repress down inside because they come to the realization that having a shitty childhood doesn't make you unique and gives you a unique story that everyone else will want to hear. I probably only want to write and be known just because I lack much emotional validation in my life as I've never had a relationship. I'm just too much in denial to admit that it's not what I really want. It wouldn't even matter if I got famous anyways, every time I think achieving something will give me meaning I'm always left standing at the altar waiting for something to walk down the aisle. I just don't feel like I ever got to dream. Ever since I was a kid I was always told by parents or peers or the fucking internet that I won't achieve my dreams, get a stable well paying job, you won't change the world, your voice doesn't actually matter, God doesn't exist like all of this was doing me a favor. I guess they thought telling me the things they learned later in my life was supposed to save me from becoming as cynical and jaded as them, but I don't know why they wonder why this generation is so fucking hopeless. I don't want to be nihilistic, I want to believe that I can do shit and my words have meaning. I want someone to read the things I write and think how I'm deep and I have interesting things to say, but everywhere I look there's just more signs about how in denial I am and just how my past doesn't actually matter. I guess that's why everyone tells me to get over it and that I need to focus on the future like it's something that is actually guarenteed and I won't die in a car crash the next day never having achieved this state of happiness we are all taught to go after. The sad part is I'm just writing this here to validate myself hoping that someone fucking cares or is like, "well done". My whole life I've only ever tried to create a certain impression of me in other people. Like how I took that line from a David Foster Wallace short story and said it like someone would think how real and honest that is. Of course, me acting self-aware is just another act of desperation to make people think highly of me. Even though it's probably me just being too hard on myself like I've done my whole life. People always say I sell myself short but how the fuck am I supposed to know how to sell myself if I don't even know my own worth. It's corny but it's true. When you've been alone for so long in your life you get a distorted vision of yourself. It doesn't matter how many times girls tell me how attractive I've become, all I see in the mirror is every flaw and every time I've failed and the fact that success and achievement is never actually guaranteed. I was never taught how to build my own identity so now I'm just an insecure man who needs other people to give me my identity for me. It's why I can go from feeling awesome from one compliment to feel like absolute worthless at the slightest criticism because what they say about me becomes me. It's why I write these things I suppose. I can't actually make the things I've experienced, the things I think, and the things I feel have any meaning myself. I need other people to do it for me. I can blame it on my parents, on my shitty genes, or on God but it's all an excuse. I'm responsible for myself and if I can't get a grip of myself by myself, it really doesn't matter what I think, feel, or do. I'm confused, but why does that matter if the answers or whatever I'm looking for don't actually exist outside of me. Maybe, I've been bullshitting myself this whole time, or maybe I'm over analyzing this thing like every other fucking thing in my life. Writing does help me, it doesn't have the answers. I don't know why I keep punching a brick wall acting like my hand is going to bust through eventually and not dissolve into a bloody pulp.
Tl;DR Fuck shit shit fuck SHAAAAABBBBOOOOOOPY ASFJISPDCKX:
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self.offmychest
|
The woman i thought i would spend my life with left me. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel like I may be the only one in the world who is unhappy with their sex drive. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
But I'm an electrical engineer! I'm currently doing an internship involving the place and route aspect of processor design. Basically it means I will be staring at circuit diagrams all day. Unfortunately I suffer from constant hallucinations where (among other things) I can't stop anthropomorphising any and every object in my surrounding, and giving them malicious intent. Now I just freaked out in front of my boss in a 1:1 meeting because the diagram he was drawing on the whiteboard triggered a worsening of my symptoms. Fuck how am I supposed to work?
|
self.bipolar
|
After a few years of depression, loss of interest and isolation, I lost any sense of subjective value. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Bad dreams and Anxiety acting weird. TW: Sexual Assault [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I gained weight because of depression, now I’m more depressed because I gained weight [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Miserable Currently in a fight with my SO. Nothing new. I don't know if he has anything to do with my depression. I don't even know if I'm depressed. He is. He hurts. He hurts all the time. It's amazing how he functions so well knowing how much pain he carries. He's pretty much my hero. He thinks I'm stupid for loving him. I think he also thinks I'm stupid in general, but tbh I kinda am. I make SO many mistakes. I never learn! He calls me a retard sometimes, and while offensive, that is how I feel. Broken n such. Uy. I feel like I've ruined his life. I think he's said that to me before, too. I'm not sure what I'm saying here or why. I'm just sad. Sad a lot. He is too. Wish I could make him happy, but I'm just so dumb! Just wanting to vent. No one has to respond.
|
self.depression
|
Have you ever made a colossal amount of mistakes in the past that might've led you to a bad point in your life? You go on a new adventure in a new place, and the beginning starts there. All the mistakes you've made from then until now have piled up on you. Perhaps you've wronged a few people in the process as well. You take a minute to reflect on everything you've done and realize the huge hole your in. Feels like there's no way out.
|
self.depression
|
No Future I'm a misanthrope. I hate people, authentically.
I have 27k in student debt and no degrees to show for it.
I'm approaching 30 and still live in my hometown that I hate. I've worked in the same business for 10 years and just broke $15. I have no credit cards, a low credit score, and no savings. I hate my job, but I'm still afraid I'll get fired because I physically can't act friendly to people.
I have no family because they're all toxic, or maybe it's me. I have no friends. The only one I have is my girlfriend, and my head tells me she's using me because I cook and clean and take care of our dogs.
I have no self control and I'm useless. I have nothing but debt. There are no good jobs in my area without a degree, and I don't have the funds to move. I used to love to travel, but now the world just looks bleak. I just got back from vacation yesterday.
I hate everything. I hate my shitty apartment and my shitty life and my shitty car that's not worth the money I pay for it. I'm too broke to afford internet. Medical debt is rising. Help.
Someone please talk me down from the edge. I'm not seeing a future.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm flunking out of community college and I want to die [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Willing myself to die... On December 13th, if net neutrality is overturned, I will will myself to die. No food, no drink, no sleep, until I slip away from this soulless and pathetic world. My video games are my life, and they are the only things that can break thru the SSRI's and make me feel again. Without them, my life is pointless. I'm a homeschooled ugly fat little coward with autism, so I'll never get ahead. I'm too sad to cry anymore. So if you can, try and stop the FCC for good. Of course they'll keep trying, but having net neutrality overturned would be the last straw...
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self.SuicideWatch
|
i think im gonna go home and kill myself [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Does anyone else subconsciously create vivid scenarios in their head? It happens to me all the time, with almost anything, but especially when thinking about women. I’ll see something and then my brain will subconsciously create a sort of possible scenario based off of my own perceptions.
I’m going on a date, I’ll start imaging what our conversations will be, what I could say, and what could happen. I’ll probably get some flack for saying this, but to be 100% honest a lot of those thoughts can be sexual too.
These thoughts will sometimes get so strong that I’ll sort of check out and “see them”. If anyone was to be watching me during that time my eyes would look glazed over as if I’m not actually paying attention (I know because I’ve been called out on it).
Since I’m a rather analytical person I got to wondering, is this normal? Is it healthy? It’s happened for so long I don’t know what to think anymore.
|
self.offmychest
|
What's up guys and girls. Wanna start a discussion? Don't be shy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S THE INTERNET!!!!!
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self.depression
|
As a teenager I received a laptop from my Grandmothers boyfriend...[NSFW] [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
When you know you are a piece of shit but you're too scared to die. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
"The holidays can be depressing. Message me if you need me. I'm here for you all." - No you're not. Stop it. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Bipolar ii, in need of friends Just got diagnosed with bipolar ii a week ago. I never thought of myself having bipolar disorder, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot and it makes sense. I’m nearly 24 and have been dealing with my ups and downs (unmedicated) for as long as I can remember.
I’m currently in a depressed state, and having no friends doesn’t help. Anyone else find it impossible to make friends? I have an amazing boyfriend who I consider my best friend, but I can’t just expect him to drop everything and be who I need him to be all the time. I mean he needs his alone time just like everyone else. . .
So I need some friends. The only “friend” I can think of besides my boyfriend is someone who is tied with some terrible memories from my past, and is never there for me when I need her.
My boyfriend has quite a few friends, and I’ve hung out with them before, but every time I have been around them, I’ve done something stupid. Either we have been playing video games and I get really loud and get embarrassed, or I say something awkward. I feel like none of them like me, and to be honest I don’t know if I can be friends with them because every time I see them I can only think about how stupid I feel, and how much I want to separate myself from them.
Does anyone else have this problem on here? How do you work through it? And does anyone want an anonymous friend to talk to? Hit me up.
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self.bipolar
|
I'm angry at myself for something that isn't really my fault. Seeing that you moved back here, have a new group of friends and want to have nothing to do with me kills me inside. I know you are probably also telling all of your new friends that I'm batshit crazy or whatever, even though I was good to you. Sorry I got emotional and cried as you were breaking up with me. I guess that's what makes me crazy, showing human emotions. The fact that you just abandoned me like that and that you don't fucking care makes me hate myself even more. It just validates the fact that I'm an ugly, lonely loser that no one likes.
You're not sorry. You don't care that you hurt me. You're enjoying your life, your new friends and your new job. I can barely make a fucking living wage and all of my friends have left me. I started working at a new center for my company and all of my coworkers are in a clique. I can't make friends that easily and now I just want to kill myself because now I REALLY know it won't get better for me. And I'm sick of putting in effort and trying and trying to make things better when I basically have no fucking energy left.
I'll never be able to get over this. I've never been this alone in my life. I'm such a fucking loser.
|
self.offmychest
|
"Love" is the only hope So I came to the realization that the idea of love is something that keeps us alive. I went online to this old profile I had on OkCupid and someone sent me a message. It was like I met my mirror image...someone who understands everything that I think and feel...it's strange because I allowed myself to fantasize about this spark. Of course I came back down to reality. Relationships are not perfect, they're messy and most often than not painful. But for a day I let myself dream of what lofe would be like with someone who has no expectations and who loves you unconditionally. Essentially by allowing the thought of love come into my mind, hope shortly followed suit. Hope is all we have in the end.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Dealing with life and everything that comes with it. I just broke the last of my two monitors from game-induced anger, my knuckles still hurt a bit.
Today my mum and I went out and bought a barbecue for my Dad who doesn't live with us anymore (the most loving man you'll meet, but a drug addict and alcoholic with an opposing side, like yin and yang kind of) we also bought me a new controller for obvious reasons, I paid for half of it.
Really, the money I gave my mum to split the price was given to me by my Dad, who was concerned I wouldn't be able to go out with my friends if they wanted to do anything. She ended up giving me $10 back for the same reason, I love them both.
Of course, the money spent on me today is now a waste. I can't play games without a monitor; escapism is a problem I've avoided dealing with.
Lying on my bed crying after throwing a few pillows around isn't going to solve anything, though I think at least it helped calm me. I cried because I'm a burden on my parents, and feel useless a majority of the time. An observer, stuck here watching some human do nothing all day but jerk off and generally personify the word 'lazy'. It's something I realised a while ago, and knowing me, I knew it would continue for the foreseeable future.
To bring some more context into this; I'm 19, inbetween jobs (jobless basically lbh), haven't studied nor pursued any passion of mine. It's difficult to confront the reality of my existence, it's essentially bothersome if I'm to be honest. Everything about life is thrown into a box labeled 'Bothersome Stuff' and it kills me that I'm like that.
My friends are great people, truly. They vomit memes on almost a 24 hour basis, but I like them. I haven't met anyone in my life I felt comfortable opening up to, besides the masses of anonymous keyboard hermits on here. So it's nice to have people to socialise with, even if there's a voice in my head persistently telling me they don't care about what I have to say, or anyone else for that matter.
Vacancy is ever present in my life, so much so I almost forgot the entire point of this post. Emotions change rapidly, and mine are no exception. When I wrote about breaking my monitor 10(?) minutes ago I was incredibly shaken at how much of a failure I am and the lengths my parents go to provide for me, yet I offer next to nothing in return. Now I'm sitting here only wanting to read the web novels I use to provide for my aforementioned escapism, something I still don't plan to address despite my confessions.
I guess I just wanted to vent a little, let people other than myself know how I feel. No motivation, lazy, sad, impulsive, easily agitated and unaccomplished. Generally lacking in the emotional stability department.
Yet I laugh a lot, smile a lot, make jokes all the time. It's easy for me to sit there and breath, to just soak in my surroundings. Beauty is never far, I watch the birds outside my house and find myself imagining what they do all day. I get excited doing new things, as I think everyone does. I exercise often, it's really the only time I get out of the house, finding an equilibrium is important so my body doesn't fade away. Being a robot would be so much easier, and cooler (I really liked Chappy the movie because of this)
A walking contradiction is what I've gathered from the many years evaluating myself. Though thinking about it, humans are pretty contradictory. Maybe I'm just someone who's lazy?
I don't know.
My cats meowing now because she wants food, so I'll end this post here.
|
self.depression
|
The only reason I'm still alive is because I don't have anything to kill myself with I'm too poor to afford a gun ☹️🔫
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self.SuicideWatch
|
DEAR /R/BIPOLAR: MY BP1 ANGST HAS A BODY COUNT - PART VI. **Nov. 10, 2017** 2:47 p.m.
*Fuck,* I thought. *Another goddamn hot flash.*
No doubt, it was the alcohol withdrawals in full effect. I knew deep in my heart that this was not to be fucked around with, but the mania, let alone psychosis, kept convincing me that I didn't need rehab. I was sick of the world making empty promises. I was sick of everyone and anything, to be honest.
I grabbed a towel from the box next to my work station, turned the Line 2 machine off and bolted to the restroom. Once in, I threw the towel in the sink and soaked it for 30 seconds in running, cold water. I watched every drop pour on the towel, wishing it was vodka coming out so I could give my body the poison it had become so used to. I had been feeding my body about a bottle a day since June, roughly 750mL of whatever water I liked that day; vodka, tequila, rum, whiskey, gin, XYZ, but never wine, that's weak ass shit.
I told myself it would be okay, and prayed scripture, ironically, after the last 3.5 years of being an agnostic. I knew nowhere else to go. Fuck Nietzsche at that moment; I needed a higher power and deliverance. I shook off the tears, put on my pretend mask and went back to work.
For like 10 more minutes, then I left an hour early and texted my ex fiance.
**Me**: Something is wrong. I don't know if I can make it home. I think I am going to go to the hospital.
**_____**: okay, baby. I love you. I am so proud of you. I will call your dad. be strong. you are going to get help.
I put my phone away and feel the tears streaming down my face, much as they are now as I am writing to you, /r/bipolar, the only people in the world who will truly understand me.
And there I was...a loose cannon off onto TX-SPUR 121 trying to make it home, lying to myself that I would shake it off and just go to bed. But my subconscious knew better; I would die of a seizure before I could make it to my 28th birthday.
I made it about 12 miles before I turned off the new Wage War album and called 911.
**Dispatcher**: 911--what is your emergency?
**Me**: Hi, my name is _______ _ _______. I am on highway 360, I am feeling suicidal and don't think I can keep driving. (I hear her putting in notes and making a dispatch call)
**Dispatcher**: Sir, I need you to pull over at the NEXT exit and wait for help. I am sending units. Can you tell me where you will be?
**Me**: *sobbing* Yes--the Chevron off _______ Blvd. Please hurry. I can't take the pain anymore and I don't want to do something stupid or permanent.
She went through protocol and asked if I had weapons, or was under the influence. I said no to both; my mind was a weapon of mass (self-)destruction and that alone was enough. She told me to hold on, units were on their way.
I lied. I went in the field and tossed my brass knuckles in a pile of leaves. Then I turned off my car, and tossed the keys underneath my car.
Two units of ______ PD pulled in about 3 minutes later. Two officers approached me, and for the first time in my life I felt safe when being approached by a couple of cops.
**Officer 1**: Sir, are you okay?
**Me**: No. **trembling and crying** I need help. I can't live like this anymore.
Ten minutes later I was in handcuffs with a mental health officer driving me to _____ Health Network in downtown _____. I was so exhausted. My body was crumbling. I knew now, at least a little bit, of what Jesus felt in the Garden of Gethsemane before He walked the road to his crucifixion. It was my time to carry my own Cross. I was facing my demons finally, and I wasn't sure if my tears were tears of sadness, depression, withdrawals, or joy. I think all of them, but mainly joy.
I was finally getting the help I needed. This was my final stand, and it was only Day 1 of the 11 days I would be hospitalized.
*To be continued....*
|
self.bipolar
|
Anyone else freak out over the smallest pain or symptom in your body? I always make the mistake of googling which leads to days of worrying and just making the situation (and my anxiety) worse. Just wondering if there were any others out there...
Currently I have a sore neck and shoulder--probably due to the week of hiking I just did-- but instead of being rational, I'm worried about all sorts of other diseases and illnesses
|
self.Anxiety
|
I hate University, but I'm in my final year. I have started to really hate University, and it's so difficult to not see it as ruining my future.
I quite enjoyed my course in my first year, but I didn't have any friends and commuted so couldn't join any clubs. But I am quite content on my own so I got through fine. Second year wasn't too bad either, but I was still lonely. I had realised at that stage that the place was terribly run, and was extremely disappointed in the state of my courses rooms, which were freezing prefabs that are falling apart.
Third year is when I started talking to people in my course more and getting along with people. But at the same time, I really started to hate my course. I am pretty sure my main lecturer didnt like me at all, but due to everything being continuous assessment, I couldn't ever bring up this point. My grade was also a lot worse than I expected in that main class.
This brought on the moment I really started to hate the place. Over the summer I emailed this lecturer, and got no reply. Emailed again, no reply. And then again. Still nothing. When I got back I have seen him a couple of times but he hasn't brought it up once. I know he saw the email though.
This made me angry at the lack of care for my course.
I am now extremely depressed about this course. It is my final year, so I might aswell finish, but for my main class this semester we have another lecturer who is terrible at replying, and is not helping us much at all. He has given us nothing but hassle for our project, and I feel like he has something against our group, despite other groups being worse than us. I fear getting a terrible grade, and it ruining my future, all because I went to the wrong university.
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self.offmychest
|
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