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I got fired today because I was tattled on Last night I left the store unattended for 5 to ten minutes after close because I forgot my key. I made sure somebody was on the way to lock up and they said they're under ten minutes away, and I said I'd just go ahead and leave (was already feeling fristrated) and they didn't say anything to stop me. They go ahead and call our store manager's boss to tell on me and I learn this because my store manager called me to say she got chewed out. I came in today thinking I'd get written up since I'd been a model employee for the last three months since I started.
Nope. Fired. Not until I worked my selling skills for the last time though because when we opened today we were busy. I did good, too... I attached accessories and the whole 9... Shook hands with the customer and all.
I think my manager got fired, too. The store didn't get robbed or anything. I just don't get what the point was of my coworker who was coming to lock up calling the boss to tattle tale on me. Can't wait to tell the spouce tomorrow once they're back from out of town.. /s
|
self.offmychest
|
Dealing with it from the "sidelines" Hey everyone, I'll give a quick short and sweet question here with more info below. I'm dating someone who is severely depressed and I'm looking for help on ways I can be the support she needs.
More info; I met her about 3 months ago randomly. I walked up to her in a coffee shop because she'd dropped something and she was very thankful so I decided to try and chat with her and her sister who were just there to pick something up then go home. We chatted for a bit and I gathered my nerves to ask for her number. We've been texting non-stop every sense. It didn't make much sense to me at the time. She is a TOTAL fox. One of the most beautiful women I've ever met. She's smart. Funny. And has a lot of the same interests as me/most guys in our age bracket (nerdy stuff). So I quickly fell for her even though after the initial meeting, we never hung out in person. Just texting and on the phone. Eventually I started visiting her at her house and we'd watch TV together or play video games. Every time I asked her out for coffee or lunch, she'd suggest I just bring it to her place instead.
I finally pulled the trigger and asked her to be my girlfriend and...she said yes, but quickly retracted it. And that's when she told me and I realized why she was such a recluse and things made more sense. She told me it wasn't a good idea because she, in her own words, was damaged beyond repair. She said she had severe depression and it wasn't a good idea. That she would just drag me down with her.
I did what my heart said. And I held her hand and told her that I wasn't scared. That I'd help her any way that I could and that she could rely on me. She cried and said yes then. We've been dating for about a two months now and so far I think everything is going well. We have a system where she calls me regardless of time or what either one of us is doing if she's feeling really bad. It's been working, in her words, so far. Every time she's called me, I can drop what I'm doing to answer. I don't mind this, and I meant what I said when I said I'd be there for her.
It's not mentally draining and honestly, I was afraid at first that I was going to screw up and cause her more grief because I wasn't ready. But the more time we spend together the more I care about her and I feel like I WANT to be her rock. I just want some advice how. I've never dealt with depression or hardship like she has and sometimes I just can't wrap my head around it. She'll sleep for 12 hours and then say she wants to stay in bed all day. She wont eat. She doesn't like to be seen without makeup because she thinks she's a monster. She wont leave the house. Hells, she told me it was a fluke she was out with her sister the day we met (which I romantically described as fate).
When I'm on her about stuff though, she'll put effort into stuff. I've been working on having her wake up at a normal time. Which she's been doing a good job on. She's eating better and even getting out a bit more. But I don't want to push her TOO hard. So far I think everything is working out;
But with all of that being said. HOW can I help her beat this? What are some things I can do to try and help alleviate her pain? Can depression even be fully cured or is this what our life will be like forever? I want to help, but I feel like I'm fumbling around in the dark because I've never experienced the despair she's going through. She's not taking any medication currently, and she's said she'd a bit afraid of doing that. Therapy costs money and because of her condition, she clearly can't work a job.
I've made quick friends with her sister, her "caretaker" so we're in this together already to form a strong rock for her. My job is decent so I can afford to help pay for things so already there's been some stress alleviated on their family. But I really want some tips and things I can do to help. I was thinking of looking for some courses or something in dealing with depression so I would be better equipped to talk to her about it. But I just need some advice or direction there too.
|
self.depression
|
Diabetes concerns (again) Ok so I started having symptoms when I ate candy because I worry way to much about what I eat then I started searching up symptoms and then bang all of the symptoms started happening like frequent urine , excessive thirst and feeling tired I never had this problem before and all started happening after that oh man health anxiety is fun
|
self.Anxiety
|
Debating to kill myself. I was the happiest I had ever been back 2 years ago, why? Because I was with the one person that I thought could be the one for me.. after a while she got pregnant and our relationship took a wrong turn. We were happy before this ever happened but me being selfish and controlling got the better of me by not being a mature individual when she was pregnant. I put her through hell during her pregnancy and i didn’t even give my last name. I did so much wrong to this girl and after not being with her for 13 months while texting this right in this moment I still feel the pain, misery, sadness, guilt. The things I put this girl through who never let me down for a second & always put me first. I took her for granted. And now I see the kid mainly during the weekdays Mon-Fri for at least 5 hours. Whenever I head over to her house, the thoughts, feelings, negative forces just seem to collide very slowly or all at once. Every night I think about what could I have done, when I’m not sad or depressed I find myself way more mature than the person I was 2 years ago. I know I should focus on my son when I go there but it’s just so hard to build a bond with him because I want us to be a family. (Not marriage) but take baby steps into working things out and see where it takes us.. but I understand that she doesn’t want to. Recently, she texted me stating that she’s dating someone and it seriously breaks me every time because 1: she has a child, 2: how can you have time to date other people when you can’t even work things out with me? (The biological father) before I got on reddit I was trying to sleep but I failed to because I kept thinking how I failed them (ex and son) she says “whether you’re here or not our son is happy with or without you.” I asked her, “do you not appreciate that I’m the father of your own son and that don’t you think I should be in his life?” She said “I can really care less if you were in his life, it doesn’t matter to me.” Basically what I’m trying to get at is that she doesn’t give one single fuck about me anymore and I even asked her “do you even want me in the picture at all” (whether visiting or growing a bond with him) and she says “no, I’d rather want you gone and away from us because we’re fine without you.” Like do you know how much what you just said can destroy a persons will. I feel like she just says this without thinking or is just a cold-hearted person. I know this is long and you’re probably tired of reading it but I haven’t been the same person ever since we broke up. I know I have my rights as a father but knowing the system and the cost of going to court isn’t worth It in my reality. I also googled “fastest methods of killing your self” and I felt like I needed to just end it all because I failed. Like how can someone date around and not give a crap about the biological father into raising their kid. All my friends that have kids (I’m only 20 and they’re roughly the same age) have at least one kid and yet the parents are still together. She says that we’ll never be together and that I’m not worth another chance because I always mess it up and also I’m not really a good father figure. (This is what stresses me out the most). Before she was pregnant she lived in a house where they had many babies and adolescents in the home and she was very skillful and basically taking care of them and being “babyish” to them (loving, cute) she has very good experience and babysat before. As for me, i never grew up in a home that made me had to take care of any babies or adolescents until now. She points this out that I can’t talk to him like he’s a baby and I talk to him like he’s an adult. (Idk man it’s just how I am. Idk if I’m awkward with the kid or something. I’m just there, I do my best and try to adapt as much as I can) but she doesn’t see that. I ask her for guidance a lot but she’s always moody. This suicide story is not because one girl. It’s about me wanting to take my life because I feel like I have nothing to live for. My own baby mama doesn’t want me, she constantly try’s to put me down and is just cold.. so cold. I hate it. I hate it so much. I just don’t want to be alive to bear life and what it comes with anymore.. I tried going back to school, it failed. I tried working jobs from fast food to warehouse, that failed, I tried dating. It failed. I honestly don’t really want anyone else because I have a son. And that I feel like I have to work things out with the mom and be in unity.. but that’s not how life goes.. if you made it this far I humbly appreciate the time you spent in touching into someone’s life. <3
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Can't I have friends too? I feel like I've got no friends and I'm horrible at makimg new ones. Especially since the whole bipolar thing is always misunderstood. I think I'm pretty likeable.....but I always feel so alone. Maybe I'm not as great as I thought I was or maybe my humor is too dark. Who knows......i just want a friend who gets it and is understanding. Maybe someday.........
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm too worthless to live used to be bullied when I was 12-16, alll throughout highschool people told me to kill myself, that I'm ugly, that nobody likes me. I hate myself and think they were right. it's likely that nobody will miss me, the only people that'd probably miss me are my parents and my girlfriend, but my parents still have another better son (younger brother) and my girlfriend will hopefully find a better man.
she deserves a man and not some guy that doesn't manage to get over having been bullied.
goodbye
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
How do i not waste money like a fucking moron? I suppose this is more of a life advice thing in general, but I think it'd be helpful to get a perspective from those who go through the same bullshit mental gymnastics that bipolar is.
I've been feeling pretty great these past few weeks; I've also wasted an incredible amount of money on clothes(bullshit expensive stuff too), smart home devices, travel, eating out, going out, blah blah blah.
I'm a student, and NEED to be saving money. This kind of reckless spending will leave me broke forever.
I plan to make a spreadsheet, and update it every day with a notification on my phone reminding me to do so.
What kind of techniques do all of you use to keep finances in order? Leaving debit/credit cards at home? Moving money you want to save into an account that isn't easily accessible? Those are some starting points for me, but I'd like to know other techniques as well
|
self.bipolar
|
I have no real friends I have no real friends. I have lots of acquaintances and people I talk to when I see them, but I have no friends that call me up. I have no friends that text me to hang out. No one invites me to things. I just want to matter to someone.
|
self.depression
|
Drinking to reduce social anxiety Damn it feels good and liberating. But then it can be a slippery slope. Oh well.
|
self.Anxiety
|
My fiancee knows about my foot fetish I have been attracted to feet for as long as I can remember. I remember having little bits and pieces of being attracted to women's feet since I was 4. Because it's so taboo to be attracted to feet no one knows. Well, no one knew until now.
Finally I told her. I was just so fed up with no one knowing that I just confessed to her that I was attracted to her feet. She asked more questions like, "Do you know why?," "Why are mine so attractive to you?," etc. I answered slightly sheepishly and then she dropped my favorite question. She asked if she could do anything to "help" my fetish. She wanted to know what she could do to make them more attractive and/or keep them nice for me.
At that moment, I realized I chose the right woman to spend the rest of my life with. She now knew one of my deepest secrets and just accepted me for who I am and what I'm attracted to. She knew I would respect her and she was willing to do things to please me as long as I returned the favor with things she liked. I knew I had chosen a partner who loved me for who I am and someone who is willing to do anything to make my life easier because she knew I'd do the same. I chose a forever partner and, even though it was solidified through an unconventional way, I know she's the one for me.
|
self.offmychest
|
It has returned. Early december, I was at my lowest point ever. I suffered from obsessive thinking, a constant sense of anxiety, negative thinking and just a general depressive mood.
I decided to try sertraline again. I had around 20 pills laying around from my last treatment. I decided to start taking 100mg as a last resort. I knew it would take weeks to work but still.
Thing is, I noticed a big change after around five days. I had the night shift at work and I remember suddenly feeling better. Like a burst of energy and motivation got activated. I was finally able to concentrate again and started talking more to coworkers etc. I was... happy again. I had been feeling down since late september so I couldn't believe how I was feeling after just FIVE (!) days of taking 100mg sertraline.
The only issue... I couldn't orgasm anymore. I went on a citytrip with a girl I know from work and I remember having sex for so long I actually started feeling uncomfortable. She orgasmed like three times and I simply couldn't. I explained to her it was a side-effect from medication I was taking but I had a feeling she didn't really believe me.
Two weeks later, I'd meet with her again. Two days before the meeting, I quit the sertraline. Told myself it would be temporary. Just long enough so I could orgasm. And it worked. I did orgasm. And it felt so good. I felt beyond great. I had no withdrawal symptoms either! I felt so good that I didn't continue the sertraline. The holidays were great. I had fun, I was social, I partied a lot.
And now I'm slowly feeling down again. It's not as bad as earlier, but I notice the early symptoms.
- A sense of general anxiety in my body (not much but still noticeable)
- Less motivation, less social
- More aware of everything
- Less interest in talking to people
- Feeling 'stuck'
- Obsessive thinking
- Unhappy
I wonder if I'm feeling the lack of sertraline again. It's weird because I had no withdrawal symptoms. Did the sertraline even work? I don't know. Maybe I just had a temporary boost that had nothing to do with sertraline? I couldn't orgasm while taking it though so I know it had some effect on me at least.
Not sure what to do next. Not being able to orgasm ruins intimacy for me. But feeling like I feel right now is horrible as well.
|
self.depression
|
Suicide tent What is the best tent to use for a charcoal suicide?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Possible anxiety especially at work Hay guys, I'm not exactly sure if I have anxiety, but I'm not really sure where else to ask? I know its usually a faux pas to ask without knowing? but I guess I feel like I scare out a lot. When I go to the doctors just for a random checkup, when I have to talk in a group, when more then 3 people are looking at me at a time, my heart starts racing, I feel like backing into a corner. I usually try to power through it, but my voice go's low, and I try to finish my sentence as quick as I can.
Recently though at work things have been feeling intense, I'm super worried about whether my work is okay, I know that sounds silly, in fact I recently was given a prize for doing good work, but instead of making me feel better I feel like the pressure is even worse now everyone has an expectation for me.
It almost feels silly now that I write it down, but yesterday I was soooo apprehensive over the fact I said hello to someone at work and she didn't say hello back :/ , I mean I know she doesn't have to, but now I'm worried she hates me.
I guess recently I saw an advertisement on TV about some guy at work worried about people and his work at work, from maybe a beyondblue advertisement? Saying he might have anxiety, so I guess I thought I'd come to this sub to well find out more, and see if it affects me?
I'm not sure if this has anything to do with it, but usually when I have coffee the feeling is multiplied, I'll be sitting in my chair all day at work scared that I've done something super wrong, makes me want to run home.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I just pet and played with my cat for the first time in forever...it was actually so nice. Let her up on my bed...let her rub up against me...pet her...just watched her climb around, and sometimes over me...
Tbh, first semi-intimate physical contact I've had in a while...it legit made my day...made me feel a little happy...and not alone.
|
self.depression
|
I'm experiencing heartbreak for the very first time Forgive me for the rather cliche and boring problem. So, I fell in love with a friend. She knows I like her (I don't think she realizes how much, but it doesn't matter), and has already told me she only sees my as a friend, and has asked me to treat her like I treat any other girl.
This was a few months ago. It's been painful/frustrating, but manageable I guess. Then, for the past few days, I've being seeing her with another guy. A guy who I know she hooked up with already, because a friend told me (despite my protests). And the idea that she might start a relationship with another guy, and I'll have no choice but to see it unfold, has made me feel *awful*, in a way I've never felt before.
The worst part is, I never dated her. Never hooked up with her. I just spent time with her, fell for her, and she didn't fell for me and that was that. So I have this feeling I can't talk to anyone about this, because no one will understand, and will just judge me. Not to mention, I wasn't exactly subtle about my feelings, so too many people know about it, and I feel embarrassed enough already.
I'm not sure why I'm only feeling heartbroken *now*. When she told me she doesn't feel anything for me, I felt something closer to resignation. But now it's outright pain. I guess, subconsciously, I held on to a tiny hope at the back of my head, that things might have a happy ending. But now I'm struck with the cold reality, and I keep replaying the past in my head, thinking "what did I do wrong? Did I miss my chance? Did I ever have a chance?".
Even worse, I do classes with her (I'm in college), we have a bunch of mutual friends, I can't just ignore her until I heal, not without being a dick to her at least. And I can't just stay at home, to give myself time to feel the pain, because I have to study to tests and shit. Falling in love with her has been the worst thing that has happened to me, and I feel emotionally drained, and trapped with no way out.
|
self.offmychest
|
Can't even cut myself properly I've been clean from cutting for about two years now, but last night I did it again.
And I failed.
Couldn't cut as deep as I wanted, no matter how hard I tried.
Now I really don't know which makes me sadder, knowing that my depression has reached again the point of me being suicidal and a danger to myself, or that I can't even fucking hurt myself the way I want to.
Could I be anymore of a failure?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What kind of careers do people have that have anxiety also? I can’t seem to find anything I’m good at
|
self.Anxiety
|
The King That Never Was Once upon a time, in a village unknown. There lived two brothers, Kain and Leba.
Kain was a smart and ambitious young farmer. He was also hardworking, and aspired to become a great ruler.
Unlike Kain, Leba loved to fish. Leba was always seen laying by the creek. He was known to be good at nothing, yet he never seemed to be bothered by it.
As the new season started, Kain brought forth a basket of figs as a gift to the Village Chief.
**"The finest of the village! The finest of my harvests! The finest of figs!"**
**"Hmm. Very Well!"** The Village Chief replied.
But Leba was nowhere to be seen, as he continued fishing by the creek.
The next season, Kain arrived with a basket of olives.
**"The finest of the village! The finest of my harvests! The finest of olives!"**
**"Hmm. Very Well!"** The Village Chief replied.
But Leba was still nowhere to be seen, as he continued fishing by the creek.
The next season came. However, Kain was much more exited this time.
**"The finest of all fruits! The finest of my harvests! The finest of apples! All for you, great Village Chief!"**
**"Hmm. Very Well!"** The Village Chief replied.
Yet Leba was still nowhere to be seen, as he continued to fish by the creek.
*Kain dashed out of the village to seek Leba.*
**"O Brother you're a fool, can't you stop doing nothing? You have brought nothing but shame to me!"** Kain exclaimed.
And to this Leba shook his head and replied:
**"Kain, your hard work has brought smile to the villagers. However has your hard work ever gave you a glimpse of happiness?"**
Now furious, Kain exclaimed:
**"I will be happier than you have ever been Leba! Be gone before you shame me even more."**
And so Leba left the village, exiled from his brother's mind. Yet no one questioned Leba's whereabouts.
Soon, Kain was appointed as the new Village Chief.
Yet he still felt empty...
A darkness that was **enveloping** him...
**"Oh Village Chief! You have the blessings of the villagers, you surely must be happy!" said the village advisor.**
Kain smiled.
The darkness then retreated.
*Months became years and Kain started to think of his brother.*
**Knock Knock**
Kain turned the knob, relieved to see his brother Leba standing strong and healthy.
**"Oh brother I have missed you so! Have you come to your senses yet Leba?"** questioned Kain.
And to this Leba shook his head and replied:
**"Kain, your hard work has brought prosperity to the village. However has your hard work ever gave you a glimpse of happiness?"**
Now furious, Kain exclaimed:
**"I will be happier than you have ever been Leba!"** He slammed Leba against the concrete wall, then dragged and imprisoned Leba in his room.
Soon, the village flourished and became a bustling town under Kain's management.
Yet he still felt empty...
A darkness that was **engulfing** him...
**"Oh Mighty Ruler! You have the blessings of the many other kings, you surely must be happy!"** said his advisor.
Kain smiled. The darkness then retreated.
*Months became years and Kain started to think of his brother again.*
And so, Kain went to visit Leba.
**"Oh brother forgive me please! Have you come to your senses yet?"** Kain pleaded.
And to this Leba replied:
**"Kain, your hard work has brought gold and riches to our home. However has your hard work ever gave us a glimpse of happiness?"**
Now enraged, Kain unsheathed a dagger from under his robe and thrust it through Leba's heart.
Leba fell, slowly yet calmly.
Peering at the mirror beside him, Kain saw it for the first time.
His own smile.
His own cold limp body. Lifeless, yet liberated.
**"I will be happier than you have ever been Leba! Be gone, away from my mind!"** Kain whimpered while wallowing in his tears.
*Minutes became hours, and soon Kain laid on his bed, a dying old man.*
Yet he still felt empty...
A darkness that was **gripping** him...
In desperation, Kain's advisor called forth the kingdom's greatest priest.
**"Oh Priest pity me so... My death is near, and I feel so empty..."** Kain gasped.
The Priest took hold of Kain's hands and proudly exclaimed:
**"Oh Mighty King! You have even the blessings of our Almighty God! How blessed your life must be!"**
But this time, the darkness didn't stop.
It started to **Swirl...**
It started to **Twirl...**
**Dancing** around Kain with opened jaws.
As Kain drew his last breath, he wondered:
**"Why did I lose myself?"**
**Munch Munch, Chomp Chomp, Gobble Gobble, Gulp**
**-Akira Kibau**
Hello guys, I'm sorry that I posted this story without explaining myself at the start. I figured that writing a simple story like this would make it easier for people to understand. I've told my friends and family about my feelings, about my sadness. Yet all they did was shrug it off and said it was nothing and everyone feels sad at some point. Writing this story, it sort of lifted a burden from my chest. Its the first time I have ever materialised my thoughts and emotions. Although I'm admittedly not a good writer, I feel that I just need some form of release and support now.
Thank you for taking the time to read through my ramble. Have a nice day.
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self.depression
|
Normies and the Fucking "Personality" I'm diagnosed with major depressive disorder, and I'm under the care of a psychiatrist, who is a saint for putting up with all my shit. It's crept up on me for the past 10 years, and it got to the point where I was close to inpatient in a mental health facility. As long as I take my anti-depressant meds, I'm not a hyper-sensitive, volatile psycho. I'm also an emotionless zombie, almost a female Dexter. I have a well-paying job I really like, and I try so hard to do well at it, yet today I was told I need "more personality", and "have natural conversations"
It stirs up all kinds of shit in me. I was very badly abused and isolated from almost anyone, for eight years. The diagnosis comes as no surprise, given my genetics and environment. Some people who give me that "personality" shit have been well-meaning. My abuser for eight years was not.
What can I do? I can't naturally talk to people. I have a bunch of pre-memorized answers to say, depending on what normies say to me. I sound robotic and scripted, which back-fires on me. I've been told I'm "disingenuous," "insincere.", even "fake." Some people I've walked through have parted like the Red Sea after looking in my eyes.
I don't feel at all real. I'm not a real human. I'm not one of them. I never will be. I'm not bad, or crazy. I did not ask for this. They don't have it, so they never will get it. It makes me feel that much more alone.
|
self.depression
|
I can't deal with the demands of school My depression has been so bad and I keep blaming myself. I want to drop school, I mean I don't but I absolutely cannot deal with the demands.
|
self.depression
|
I hate who i am and its all my parents fault. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Anyone else here who used self-harm in order to cope with anxiety? [trigger warning?] I used to self harm in order to cope with anxiety and a lot of other bottled up emotions that I couldn‘t let out because so was socially awkward. Whenever I was angry or I made a mistake, I harmed myself to relieve stress and cope with the upcoming anxiety. I got out of it, but I wonder if anyone else used to do the same thing
|
self.Anxiety
|
Are you depressed too?? I finally have people who will listen and give me feedback. You guys don’t even know me and care more than the people in my life. Thanks reddit I should’ve been made an account 🙏🏾💯
|
self.offmychest
|
Driving test today and I'm freaking out for no reason I have my driving test today and my anxiety is through the roof.
I drive pretty well and all of my instructors say I will easily pass. But for some reason my brain and my body refuses to believe. And now I have mini anxiety attacks every 15 mins or so
I hate my life
|
self.Anxiety
|
I can't stand the silence anymore. This is my second Christmas alone, and for some reason, even if everything is the same as last year, it feels so much worse.
I don't even know if I should be posting this here, do I even have depression? I didn't want to refer to myself as such out of respect to those that actually have it, because it's a fact that they have it much worse. I always thought otherwise, and that I was just generally sad and it'd pass eventually. I was able to go through my day to day routine with just that.
But recently it's been confusing.
I constantly yearn for something, yet I don't know what it is that I want. That annoys me to various degrees, and I've been here before. It was last Christmas.
Thing is, I know that whatever it is that I want, I'd eventually get tired of it, and then I'd start yearning for a new thing that I'd have to spend time looking for again and thus the endless cycle to sate it continues.
So I just don't do it.
And usually it just ends with that, right? If I recognize that it's pointless, I should be fine. But I'm not. It's still there. Recognizing that it's a pointless endeavor doesn't change the fact that I still feel like shit right now and knowing that it'll eventually pass over makes this whole thing seem more like an annoying inconvenience that I just have to suffer through for no fucking reason. It's just there. Like a writer's badly written supporting character.
It just fucks me over.
I used to like the silence. It was the only thing that gave peace to my mind. It was the only thing that allowed me to do what I want to do. Nowadays, I sometimes want social interaction or a more livelier atmosphere, but I know for a fact that I **will** get sick of it eventually, even faster than you might think, and would want to go back to the silence once more.
The silence was my only solace, it felt like the only place I belonged in. Now, I can't stand it anymore, being left with my thoughts is sickening. I used to work on a lot of things just so I can distract myself but it's gotten to the point where I can't function well enough to even work. I've been sleeping longer and longer. Sometimes I sit down in front of my computer with the intent to work but I just end up sitting there for hours. I don't even do anything, I just sit there lost in my thoughts, which I said is something that I would want to avoid.
Social interaction sickens me eventually and the silence is my enemy.
I end up belonging to neither and I can't find out what I really want.
I'm just confused now.
|
self.depression
|
Infatuated with a girl Every time I think about approaching her, my heart beats so rapidly I feel like it's gonna burst. She's not in any of my classes and I only see her at lunch. So I basically only have 1.5 hours to make my move on her. I know I'm never gonna do it cause I'm too awkward and anxious and pathetic.
|
self.Anxiety
|
How do I stop anxiety attacks? I know it is not my business, but whenever the girl I like says she is drunk or drinks alcohol, I start getting extreme anxiety attacks. It's her own self, but it still gives me anxiety because of my experience in the past. How can I overcome this? Do I just stop interacting with her?
|
self.Anxiety
|
depressed and completely drunk right now AMA Ask me anything
dont let me feel alone pls
|
self.depression
|
chronic exhaustion!!!?>>!?!?!?! I could find a million reasons/excuses to stay in bed all day every day with my laptop and a drink because thats literally all I seem to have the energy/motivation for anymore. I goto work nearly every day and do things, still, but they take an exhausting toll on me physically and mentally and I have no idea what to do about it because its quite annoying :-) I feel weary at all times and I wish I didn't, I find myself picking up habits in efforts to combat that feeling like copious amounts of coffee or cigarettes or even going to the gym to force some sense of energy--if that makes sense.
anyone else feel like this? is it even depression related? i am a teen and feel like i should definitely have more energy and MOTIVATION than i do.
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self.depression
|
The most depressing part of the year is coming and I'm so scared It's the same every year when Christmas/New Year comes, I'm in my bed flipping through Instagram/Facebook watching people be happy, going out while the only thing I can do is think about jumping off a roof. I just think I might actually do it this time.
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self.depression
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I wrecked my dad’s car today and I just keep wishing I had been killed [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Is it reasonable to fall in a deep depression over a lost pet? I lost my pet snake yesterday and i feel really pathetic for caring about a snake so much.
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self.depression
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When depression/anxiety is not something you can talk about, and the people close to you can only see you as lazy for sleeping to much or staying in your room. [Kinda long post.] I'm on my mid 20s, for the past-almost-two years things have happened in my life that really have f*cked me up, i don't go out anymore or do anything in the outside overall. And I'm OK with it (for now), i have dealt with my demons before, but the thing that really frustrates me and pisses me off is how my family perceives me and treats me; they think im just being lazy, and that im doing nothing with my life, like, they really like to judge more than help or give suggestions.
But also, i gotta clear, the place i live, has never been a place where someone can deal with their own emotions, not exactly because we are close minded, but, because we are a family that is always working, the culture and motto of my family has always been: "If you have free time, work" and right now, im the only one who ISNT working.
The worst part right now is my Mother, who really, i think, doesnt even understand the concept of depression, and this past, almost 2 years has really made it hard for me to deal with my issues, mostly because she always uses the logic: "I work Im right" and she sees me, being in my room, almost as a lesser being that has no right to protest.
Its not like i dont do anything, i clean, cook, dishes, all the house stuff, but when i go to my room to sleep or just to be alone, she immediately dimishes me.
I want to deal with my demons, i want to start going out again almost just to shut her up, but i know thats not the way the mind works, so i end up like i said, depressed, pissed and feeling like im worthless.
Anyways, i just wanted to share this, as way to vent out some, im sorry for the long post, and thanks to everyone who took the time to read.
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self.depression
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Depressive realism I have thought cynically about humanity since I was a young child, about 7th grade. That's when I started to really understand people and their motivations. Ever since then, it's been a battle of sanity. Trying to make it 1 more day, knowing I shouldn't kill myself because my parents would be completely destroyed, as well as my brothers and sisters. Ending my life would ruin theirs, therefore I must persist in my hell. But I can't keep doing this. Life is suffering. But not in the way most people think. I'm not referencing that one has to work to get by, but rather that the suffering is innate and there's nothing positive in the real world. I don't see positivity anywhere. I'm way too cynical and realistic. But here's the kicker, I know I'm right in my judgements of the world! I can't lie to myself about religion or the state of the world or the kindness of humans which doesn't actually exist. I lay here, my stomach churning because of all the pain and suffering constantly happening around me. I see it in the people I hold dearest to me, all of them dating someone who doesn't really care about them, but is with them for their money and security. It hurts me to see the truth of the world this way. There is no such thing as a selfless act, and that will lead to anything you think of as good being destroyed. Life is meaningless, unless your intention is to hurt others for your own benefit. I can't live in this world but I can't leave either, so I'm trapped in limbo until my parents die, and then who knows....
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self.SuicideWatch
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Trying to find the right professional help? I'm not sure if this is the best place for this or not, so Mods feel free to delete it if you see fit.
I've been depressed for basically my entire life. The first time I tried to kill myself I was six. We lived in a trailer, and the cheap rod in the closet broke.
A year, maybe two, later, I went to work with my dad. He worked at a marina. It was Christmas break. I jumped into the lake - coveralls, boots, coat, the whole thing. Somebody was on the dock and heard me hit the water. Ran over and dove in after me.
I could go on, but there's not a lot of point to it. I've struggled with suicide my entire life and have never found anything that helps. I've been on various antidepressants, but never found anything that was a solution. I have health insurance, but it doesn't cover mental health counseling, so therapy has always been out of reach financially.
I was just wondering if anybody might have advice on finding an MD that might be more...knowledgeable? More capable, I guess, of dealing with mental health, than a regular general practitioner.
I've been taking sleeping pills this week, I can't stop crying when I hit the bed. I'm just so tired of feeling like this. After 30 years it's never changed. If this is all my life is ever going to be, I just don't want to do it anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Can't concentrate or focus on anything Does anyone else get this? Like if the tv is on, I'll be looking at the screen but not actually watching it and not able to take in what's going on. It just goes over my head. Or if someone's talking to me I won't be able to follow what they're saying. It's like I'm in a dream world, but quite here. It's been a while since I've been able to read a book and get what's happening. It feels like it's just me going through this.
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self.depression
|
I bought my first binder today Today, I said to myself, "There's no denying it. This is who I am." And I bought it.
I can sit here and try to talk it down like "Oh, but it's marketed as a bra, it's just for compression," even though I found it on a trans blogger's post about such.
Part of me can't believe I finally did it, part of me wonders why I waited so long. My gender has always been in the air and I kinda just let it be while I figured out other things in my life, but now it's in front of me and it's unavoidable. Some might say that being nonbinary isn't as big in general, some of you might even be underwhelmed to find that I am not trans by the context of this post, but hey. I did this today. I did something that a year ago I would have been too scared to even think about.
And honestly, I'm fucking thrilled to see what next year's me can accomplish.
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self.offmychest
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Abroad alone and freaking out about everything Hi everyone.
This is a very odd thing to feel right now. I have never been abroad since July. The moment I touched down in Europe I had insane anxiety. It felt like a boulder sitting on me - including waves of insane depression.
I adjusted (sort of) to my European life but I then embarked on little trips throughout Europe all alone. I waited months for these trips, but my anxiety is just getting worse. I just feel so alone and want this to be over.
Is there a way that you feel is best to cope? I have 20 more days alone and I can hardly get through day one.
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self.Anxiety
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Emotionally detached from my feelings Sometimes I just want to cry to get it all out but I can't. Its like my body won't let me, even if I try.
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self.depression
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I have a depressed friend, how can I help her? I (14M) have a close friend who has depression. She has seemed even worse than normal lately, but she keeps insisting that she is fine. What can I do to help her? She is clearly not fine
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self.depression
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ruined my fiances corporate Christmas party I'm a self proclaimed alcoholic. Tonight we went to my fiances corporate Christmas party and had a great time. However the bar closed at 8:30 and i'd only had 2 makers and a Heineken. Long story short, we went to a local bar afterwards with a few of her coworkers that ended up turning into most of her coworkers and upper management, including the COO.
Now lets fast forward. I for sure drank some beer. The tab i was given claimed i drank 7 beers, i felt as if i had 5. I questioned the bartender and he immediately got his manager involved (who was a complete dick from the start) manager went off to watch the tapes of how many beers i had asked for from the bartender. well, the bartender came back and informed me and my fiance that he already watched 6 beers being "sold" and there was still 30 min left on the tape.
Im sorry if this whole post is incoherent.
While we accepted that I was wrong they had 3 bouncers waiting to escort us out. This made me mad. 2 guys had long beards and one bald head guy. I insulted the beard guy and accused them of inbreeding, bald guy didnt take kindly as to that. He forced me out the door (in front of her company), and was in my face, begging me to hit or "make a move on him". Eventually, he pushed me on the ground after i was in face. After that, fiance's Vice president of sales came up to me and tried to calm me down. In the heat of the moment I told him to "fuck off" and punched a wall. Hands are still fucked and told fiance that we should call the wedding off on account of me being a terrible person. Im so sorry that this is all over the place. And I doubt the point came across effective considering im still drunk but i feel like i completely sabotaged my future wifes career, all because im an asshole drunkard that cant control my addictions.
ps.. my hand is fucked
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't know what else to do I've been depressed for years, but it's never been this bad until tonight.
I need to come up with $250 by tomorrow night at 11:59pm. I have about $30 in my checking account, and absolutely no way to make that much in a day. I'm a college student taking fourteen classes, and have found no stable job that will work around my schedule. My school has no student job openings, I don't have a car so I can't do Uber. I do some online work, but it barely comes out to $100 a month, which usually I somehow manage to feed myself and pay student loans with, but I fell behind the past few months and can't find a way to catch up. I'm utterly fucked, and might as well just end things before it gets any worse.
My student loans are almost two months past due. I can't afford to pay them, I can barely feed myself. If I didn't live in on campus housing I'd probably be homeless. The only things I have to pawn (a clarinet and a saxophone) are needed; my major is music. Without my instruments I have no major.
I've considered dropping out of college, but my family won't let me live with them. I'm dammed either way. Tens of thousands of dollars in debt, no chance to make money while in school, and no support system. I can't even go into the military due to pay hospitalizations, surgeries, and ASD. I'd rather just end things now than suffer for years and be in immense debt.
My school's library is about seven stories tall, with students having access up to floor six. The windows on floors five and six are old and can easily have their safety screens removed. I'm seriously thinking that tomorrow night before they close I'm going to climb out one of them and kill myself that way. It's a six story drop onto pavement, there's almost no chance I'd survive.
To anyone who reads this, I'm sorry you had to.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I thought, everything would be fine... but it feels like I'm falling deeper. TL;DR: Depression comes back, I hate myself, everything is too much, why I am here?
Hello!
At first, my english is not so good, because I am a German girl, so please be kind and tell me, when you don't understand something.
My life wasn't easy... I nursed my very ill mother like about 15 years, managed the household and school also. And she was abusive, she is a narcissist and my brother the golden child. (I already wrote in the subreddit there)
I'm also suffering from a few chronical diseases, like lipodema or Crohn's Disease.
From July to August I was in a stationary therapy, because everything was too much for me to handle. Work, my mother who don't give me the space to live, and then there was an abusive boyfriend an a narcissistic friend.
I got medication for my depression, the anxiety disorder, the character disorder, they also made the diagnosis of a cognitive disorder.
The therapy helped me a lot, nearly a month ago I managed it to move into my own flat, and all was so... easy. So warm, bright. I could do whatever I want to, at work everything was fine.
...till yesterday.
Suddenly I am missing that narcissistic friend, could not help my best friend with her problems, feeling ugly, that I never will live a normal life...
The pressure to do self harm grows, I feel like I am useless... that I have no right to live, that there is no task for me. That I will be alone forever, and everything is getting darker and darker per hour.
I can't find a therapist here in my town, and I have no car to move to another.
I just want to cry, but I can't do that without hurting myself, I hate myself for missing that friend, dealing with the idea to forgive my mother for everything, that my problems with cleaning my flat come back and I'm living in dirt again...
Why do I have so much diseases? Why can't I simply love somebody? Why I am afraid when someone is touching me? Or being afraid with a lot of people around me..?
I am falling, drowning..
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self.depression
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So When Do We Talk About White On White Crime After This Latest Shooting? Reddit is way quieter about it than if the person was a minority or Muslim. They are as predictable as a herd whenever acts of terror occur. When the perpertrator is white, expect a lot of tangential debates in the comments: about the type of gun used, the automatic and semi-automatic pedantry; a unanimous support for improved mental healthcare as they call to dismantle such safety nets in another thread. Then they direct their white rage, that can only be satiated by bigotry, on some other petty cause like video games and the 'ethics of game journalism'.
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self.offmychest
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[Rant] the problem with people today, they want instant gratification rather than working for something I'm slightly bitter and bias, but the problem with people today is they just want an easy quick fix, they don't want to do the work. My wife recently left me without even trying to go to counseling or anything to fix it because "she had been feeling this way for a while and considering her options" and she was "set in her decision and had accepted this" so she was 100% made up in her mind before I even had the chance to do anything about it. The divorce isn't even final yet and she moved across the country to Florida to live near her best friend, good riddance. You don't do this to someone you truly love. You don't get married and bail less than 3 years later when things get a little challenging. You stay and put in the work to make things better and have the life that you want to. She quit and destroyed our lives together. Recently it would have been the 7 year anniversary of when we started dating, college sweethearts, and I honestly don't think if I had it to do all over again that I would. I said my vows and dammit I meant them! I was with her until the end, she just obviously didn't have the same level of commitment. Fuck off and have a good life with your "best friend", who when she lived here you couldn't stand, because she was so negative and mean.
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self.offmychest
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Demi Lovato came out with a new documentary explaining her substance abuse, bipolar disorder, and eating disorder. It’s free to watch on YouTube! [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Love life troubles? Basically I am a freshman in college and I have never had a boyfriend (though I have dated). I am used to being alone, and I suppose I have gotten used to it. However for some reason, there are two guys that have decided to like me. I don't like it. I don't know what to do about it. I think I am in the middle of a bad depressive episode or a mental breakdown. I usually am pretty low but this is a new level. I think it's because of all the change that comes with college. I am doing my best, but I am an emotional empty shell of a person. My brain is blank most of the time these days and I just think that it wouldn't be fair to the other person if I were to attempt a relationship right now. One of the guys is kind of a dick, but the other guy is sweet. The thing is I don't know if I can imagine myself dating him. or anyone. I don't know if I would be able to be intimate anytime soon as I basically hate myself, and I don't think I could handle it right now. See, the thing is I am lonely and it would be nice to have someone to rely on, but every other person on the planet deserves better than what I am right now. I don't know if it makes me selfish to want to go on a date when I know I can't be anything for anyone. I don't know. I might be going crazy because I've been watching Doogie Howser, M.D. for hours and I can't seem to go to sleep or stop staring into space. It's now 4 am and I have to be up in less than 4 hours. I just want to curl up and disappear for a while. I want to hibernate until everyone has moved on and I don't have to worry about letting everyone down.
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self.depression
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Fun shit to do when you're alone in this world? I won't annoy you with my boring story, but just know that I have zero hope at making connections with other people. I was just wanting to know what some of you guys do to enjoy life alone. Like not just watch netflix, videogames, etc. I want ideas on things that are really rewarding or can actually make you appreciate life. I'm old enough to know how absolutely fucked I am when it comes to being social but I'm still young enough to do a lot of things before I die. I would very much appreciate any ideas you have and the more unique, the better. I just want to look forward to something, anything.
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self.depression
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Brain keeping me sleep deprived, collapsed recently - suggestions on preventing it from happening again? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Am I having depression or just feeling depressed? Well, sup.
So... Long story short. I used to have suicidal thoughts when I was very much younger but I eventually recovered from it after 2 years. Those thoughts have never resurfaced again but I still struggle with my self-worth from time to time. However, I got used to the struggle so it became pretty normal for me.
In the recent years though, probably reality has hit me hard. I start to realise that I'll keep going through weeks of happiness and then sadness. During the happy phases, I have confidence, I sleep well and I'm able to handle my life pretty well. During the sad phases, I'll hate myself, feel like crying for no reason, can't sleep well and my life is like a mess. I'll forget about meetings, become stress easily (I'm pretty laid-back actually), can't function well in school and basically just want to hide away and not talk to anyone. Honestly now I'm really tired of going through this same shit!
I know I have friends who are willing to listen but it's just really difficult for me to bring up something so depressing to them. Idk man, what do ya'll think is wrong with me?
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self.depression
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I hate how insensitive people can be It's like they have their very own reality where they are worshipped and they know everything. You confide in someone about your depression and they somehow make you feel like it's your fault. No wonder so many people don't seek help. No wonder so many people commit suicide. It's sad but it's today's world and I don't wanna be a part of it anymore.
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self.depression
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Marriage issues. I'm getting tired. WARNING: LONG.
I have been with my husband for 8 years and married for 4 years now. My husband has been estranged from his family stemming from long-festering issues, and also in part for me (His family did not accept me) since before we got married, and is currently working for my father and also with me in our family business for 5 years now.
As a result, I have always tried to be his friend and confidant, understanding his issues and how he is (He is quite the manly man, so going through all the aforementioned issues above e.g. estranged from his family and working for my father), it is all definitely hard on him. I know he feels inferior and useless as he's always wanted to be the provider for me and is still struggling in that aspect.
At first I thought that everything was going decent (But not perfect, obviously), as I always try to explain to him that he never has to feel inferior to me. I did it in both indirect and direct approaches. I explained to him that his time will come, and he just needs to be patient and we can ride all this out together.
I also have issues with anxiety, insecurity, and OCD, all of which I made clear to him even when we started dating. I told him that whenever I feel irritated or annoyed, for instance, it is not about him, unless it is, in which I will let him know (I believe in being honest and transparent), but he still feels as if I am taking out my frustrations, stress, and anger on him.
My husband has been cheating on me since we got married. It was nothing physical from what I know and what he swears, but through messages. Every time he has been caught, we try to have a good talk, resolve to patch things up, and carry on, despite my feelings of hurt and betrayal and having all my insecurities exposed. In the second to last incident, which I found out about 4 months ago, I even caught him making fun of me to his friends and humiliating me to them, yet still we, or rather I, chose to move on, because he showed effort and sincerity in fixing things between us afterwards.
But the last incident a month ago in which I caught him flirting heavily via text message with a staff of ours recently, he finally exploded.
He told me that it was all my fault, that I pushed him to flirt with the girls, that he has been very patient with me and tolerant of me for 8 years now and he can't take it anymore. He also feels as though he was forced to marry me. He also feels constricted by my parents even though they give him free reign to do whatever he wants, but of course, working and living together there are some ground rules he had to follow, and he still felt constricted by that. However, he claims to love the job, even though it's high-stress for him. He never really talks to me about work, stating that work is work and personal is personal, even though I did explain to him that working together, sometimes I need to know what is going on on his side. I also did try to suggest relaxing together or doing something when things are particularly hectic, but he toughs on and says he's OK and doesn't need to.
I knew about all these feelings of him for a long time already, which has been what I was trying to fix in the bud before it festered all along, but I couldn't get him to know and understand that I did know and understand his feelings. He says that he's been trying to make me listen, but I always ignore him.
It culminated with him running away one night, and I spent 7 hours begging for him to come back (In part due to him abandoning his job, as we work seperate departments, and he leads the operations department, so I needed him). Thankfully he did, disaster at work averted, but things just were never the same again.
He refused to talk to me about our relationship, saying that he keeps needing time, but at the same time he is not completely ignoring me and giving me minimal affection such as touching me, kissing me, and holding my hand, but no longer saying he loves me.
It has been on a steady decline since then, and I've tried to broach the subject of our relationship problems to him, but he either doesn't respond at all, or he gets aggressive.
After about a month of this, on 2 November while trying to make plans with him regarding our annual holiday (Which we take every year from 15-27 December for the past 2 years), we got into an argument, and he just walked out. He still contacted me sporadically until 3 November afternoon, but then since then he hasn't even contacted me at all and refuses to reply to me, though he still contacted my father regarding work.
On 7 November morning my father met up with him and convinced him to at least come back to work (To settle his outstanding work and to at least handover his work if he really doesn't want to stay), and to meet again that night to talk, and he showed up, had a talk with my father about work (My father is trying to fix things, but he is focusing on one thing at a time) and caught up a bit on his work, but he insisted on staying outside away from all of us. He states that he needs time alone. When he later went upstairs to our house and our room to get his things, he asked how am I, and asked if I needed him to rub my back for me (I had a fall a few weeks back and bruised my back, which I am unable to reach myself), and he did.
He has returned to work today, but still refuses to talk to me or look at me or acknowledge me in any way unless it's work-related. He hasn't even contacted me in any form, even WhatsApp, which we used to use regularly up until he walked away.
I am feeling very confused. I am willing to change myself, in fact, I have changed since the second time he was caught cheating 2 years ago and he told me I was too hot-tempered. Since then I have tried to be more docile and understanding, but it just seems to have ramped up his cheating ways and he has even done many things behind my back which I just found out (Including the mocking me to his friends). I can understand why, though, that he is afraid of how I would respond should he tell me. I found out that he is incurring large debts and has fallen behind on payments since 3 months ago at least, so I kind of realised and understood why he has been so distant and cold the last month at least.
I am willing to move on, forgive and forget, I kept telling him so, but he keeps telling me that even though he loves me (Or at least feels love for me), he doesn't want to hurt me anymore, that he doesn't feel he's the one for me, and that he doesn't think we can be together anymore as he is a fuck up. I know he feels not confident in himself. And I am trying to change myself by giving him time and space, even though every single day has been excruciatingly painful for me.
I had commitment issues before marrying him, due to my insecurity, but since I am already married to him, I want to make the marriage last and work, and not give up at the first sign of trouble. I am committed to making this marriage work and last and do everything I can to keep it.
I have tried broaching the subject of marriage counselling, and of course, he is resistant. It is not easy to find counselling here where we are because we are also not based in the capital city, and can only do counselling via webcam, and resources are still limited.
As mentioned, he came into work today, and we had just finished our workday. I had been hesitating the whole day, and when he said he'll be heading back to where he's staying (I never asked where he has moved out to), I finally just asked him, "Would you stay if I asked you to?" and he replied, "At the moment I do not want" and left. On 2 November when we argued he did threaten to leave (As he has been doing quite frequently for the past month), and this time I asked him to go ahead and that I would not stop him. But when he left and was still able to WhatsApp me (He cited his phone being dead and unable to hold a charge, and subsequently was only able to contact me via GMail that he can access only through internet cafes, until the afternoon of 3 November when communication ceased), he kept asking me what do I want him to do. I told him it's not up to me say anymore but he said it is. I told him that he knew what I wanted, and he said he knew I wanted us. And that was it.
I am obviously still very conflicted. Even if it was work-related, he still showed some care for me today, and tells me where he's going when he can. But at the same time he seems to be refusing to face our issues.
He was also supposed to come into the office at night to finish up some paperwork and also have a chat with my father (Playing the "counselor", as he had told him), but he did not turn up without any notice. Before he left the office when the workday was over he told both me and my father "See you tonight"/"See you later" and promised he'd come.
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self.offmychest
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I️ feel like each day I️’m just walking in place. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Out of comfort zone. Out of comfort zone, shit hurts like fuck. But, I think it's worth it.
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self.depression
|
First really bad day with my anxiety in a long time I suffer from OCD, specifically the one involving intrusive thoughts. Not too sure why, but not being able to do my hair the way I wanted to was the trigger that set me off. It’s been quite a while since I’ve had these feelings so strong. I’m on medicine and haven’t missed a dose but I’m just sad because I have had to fight it all day, on my last day of my vacation. :( I used to go to therapy and see a psychiatrist but they did not really help. It’s just so ironic because I am a psych major but I’m not able to get a grip on this and a lot of the things I learn in psych can be triggers too. I want to seek out CBT but I’m worried it’ll be too expensive. I’m just so tired of dealing with the exhaustion of anxiety.
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self.Anxiety
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I fuck any relationship up Usually by me being too nice, which people take as not interested, or by not asking him or her out because I'm a weak fucking waste of introverted piece of shit space, or due to me fucking things up face to face, example being thinking of doing 1 thing then pussying out at the last moment and doing something cringey due to lack of pre-proccessing. I'm a fucking waste of space I just want to not deal with this shit and just either stay alone forever and live an unhappy life but less worrying or live a slightly better life with someone who will spontaneously get with me after my first flirt. But that doesn't exist so I'm so fucking tempted to give up, either on life! or love. Either being sad for someone, either me or my family, friends or all. I can't deal with it! I've never even been in a relationship and I'm already failing!
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self.Anxiety
|
Starting Effexor Hi y'all!
I started taking effexor 37.5XR 3 days ago. I've read a lot of horror stories about coming off of it, but I'm already feeling SO much better. Not perfect, but I feel like my anxiety is already reduced.
My issue is that I haven't really slept. I have been up for most of the last two nights and it feels like a borderline stimulant. I have a ton of energy and I feel very well rested. I've scoured the sub and r/effexor but haven't read much about this kind of experience. Anyone have any insight on how long this may last? Will it get worse when I double next week?
Thanks in advance:)
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self.Anxiety
|
I don't know how to be okay with myself. I hear a lot about depression as a sort of numbness. I almost wish I had that. It feels like I'm constantly being attacked by my emotions – but only the negative ones. Tiny social errors will trigger this melee of sadness, guilt, and anxiety, of me thinking obsessively about how stupid and ugly I am until I start to cry. My thoughts always spiral into some irrelevant, self-loathing BS. It's so exhausting. Happy moments are me waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have good, supportive friends and family, but I can't run to them every time I'm upset. There are people to talk to, but there's no one to talk to. They have their own lives. But on the other hand, all of this negativity is just building up inside of me, and I'm afraid to see what'll happen if it becomes too much. I've had therapists, but talking to them can be so embarrassing. My problems feel too trivial. I've been on medication, but, again, I never feel like I'm "bad" enough. I went off it. But I sometimes think that I must be that "bad," especially when I see the look on my friends' faces if I decide to share a particularly bad episode. I feel lonely, but I'm trying to remind myself that I'm not alone. I just wish I knew what would make me feel better. I've been thinking a lot about God, and wishing that my faith were stronger. I was never a religious person, but I feel like it helps a lot of people cope better. I just want a coping mechanism. But then finding a solution just becomes another thing to obsess and beat myself up over.
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self.depression
|
Victim of a violent crime and can't go on. Subpoenaed to testify against my attacker, and heartless legal system is making me do it. Already talked to a lawyer. He says there's nothing they can do. I have to testify. My brother has been trying everything for over a week and they don't give a shit. I can't even think about it without a full blown panic attack.
Not sure if I would make it even if I didn't have to testify. I can't live with myself. Can't be bothered trying anyhow. Good bye.
-
Thanks for your help Sammy. I hope you find this, since I posted it on your account. My body's in the attic. Cheers.
-R
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Its all coming back now. After about two months of feeling amazing, feeling like ny depression was gone, i was sick and now all the thoughts and want to hurt and kill myself are back. What do i do?
|
self.depression
|
Does it get worse with age? Im only 16 and my manic/depressive phases don’t seem nearly as intense or as damaging as what most of you guys are going through. Did they start of weaker and get stronger as you got older, or were they always so bad?
|
self.bipolar
|
I want to die now more than ever My Christmas went seemingly well, I doubt any of my family noticed anything. But all of it just made me that much closer to ending my life for good, I just don't know how much longer I can last like this.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I think if there's anything more uncomfortable to me than being insulted over things I'm insecure about, it's genuine compliments on things I'm insecure about. If there's two things I'm insecure about, it's my body and my masculinity. Of course I'm insecure about lots of other stuff, but as long as I can remember I've been insecure about these two things. I've never felt like I'm what a man is "supposed" to be, and I've always felt like I'm fat and ugly.
When people insult me over my body or my masculinity, it stings, but I'm able to brush it off. I already know I'm fat and not manly; you can't say anything to me worse than what I've said to myself. No, what really gets to me is compliments. I'm not talking about saying "ugh I'm fat and ugly" and people are like "What nooooo you're beautiful!" I mean real, genuine compliments.
Today at work a coworker tossed something to me and I caught it. I casually mentioned that I was surprised because I'm not athletic. Another coworker stays silent for a few moments, turns to me, and says "really?" I thought he was being sarcastic at first but it turned out he was actually surprised to hear me say that. He said I look like I must wrestle or play football or something. I suppose being 6'4" causes my weight to make me look more broad-shouldered, so long as I'm not shirtless. I'm aware that this happens sometimes, but I know what I look like without a shirt so it still catches me off guard.
Or what *really* gets to me is when people compliment my body and call me manly. There was one time a while back I was chatting with a different coworker, one I rather admired at the time. We were talking about body types, and out of nowhere he starts telling me that he was envious of my body. He started talking about how he always felt insecure about his size and that he wished he had a "strong, manly" body like mine. And it just fucked with me. I have this constant internal monologue telling me that I'm a fat, weak, pathetic person, and being told the *exact opposite* fucks me up a bit.
I think a big problem with my insecurity is that it leads me to constantly feel like I need to prove my strength and masculinity. During the times I've gotten in the habit of working out, I'd find that I'd push myself way too hard because I feel like I need to prove to myself that I'm a strong person. Like I'd get in the habit of going, then after two weeks or so I'd push too hard and hurt myself enough that some part of me would be in pain for several days. Sometimes I purposely hurt myself (I chose my wording carefully here. I mean hurt, as in inflict pain, not actually harm) because I feel like I'm supposed to be manly and be able to handle pain. Or sometimes I go the other way and feel like I deserve to be shamed for being inadequate. Like I'll sometimes encourage sexual partners to treat me in a degrading way (inflicting pain can also go along with this).
I'm just so sick of feeling insecure and weak and pathetic. And I feel like people telling me I'm not these things is supposed to make me feel better, and that there must be something wrong with me that makes it feel even worse.
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self.offmychest
|
Trying to decide... Should I take a bunch of pills and fall asleep on the couch with my puppy, or should I take a bunch of pills and walk around town drinking until I pass out in a ditch? Should I let the cops find me or make my wife do it..
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
a guy I was seeing confessed something to me and I need advice on what to say or do? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I’ve recently been having HORRIBLE anxiety thinking about death and dying. Anyone able to help here? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Is there any reputable online therapists? I would love to have someone to talk to that knows what they’re doing but hate the idea of going to an office. I’ll do it if I really have to but if there are online therapists/psychologists I would love to try that out first.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Gonna die any day now in a painful way, I'm terrified, wake up every morning shaking uncontrollably and nauseous even on 4+ meds I DO NOT advocate suicide nor do I want to die, I don't hate my life, yet I am suicidal out of crippling doubt,fear,paranoia, epistemological insecurity, anxiety, nausea. I'm terrified to exist at all. I have mental health support and medicine already but it's not gonna save me. I need philosophical HELP because I believe my arguments are wrong but can't see how. Please get this cry out to someone who could show me how wrong I am philosophically. I've asked everywhere not a single response, am I to die without even a single word of advice? If anyone reads this you can help save my life by forwarding this doc or reddit to a professional philosopher who can guide me out of it. If you suspect I'm doing this for attention, consider what kind of person would pretend to argue for suicide anonymously and beg for help? Even if that were me, the rebuttal itself could help anyone else who thinks this way.
PLEASE HELP HOW ELSE CAN I ASK I'M GONNA DIE AND I FEEL LIKE I'LL BE TORTURED ANY SECOND Please share this with someone who could show me how misguided I am or else what can I do but act out my beliefs, been begging everywhere not a single engaged response, and getting blocked by mods...
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ABixpvw_sHpmhP7rPMUzzqnYnJq3fQEDK2rrM56qDq8/edit?usp=sharing
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self.SuicideWatch
|
i wish i had someone my person doesnt want to do with me........... i dont want to live.. i think im going to do it soon
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self.depression
|
i quit nothing has ever gone right for me and now I'm just done fuck everything
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I really think that once you feel it, you can't unfeel it [deleted]
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self.depression
|
This is It I’ve reached the point where life is meaningless. Nothing matters anymore. It’s just the same shit day in and day out. Loneliness, sadness, and emptiness are all I have left.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Is it weird to love yourself? After growing up with abusive parents and after years in psychotherapy, I started to really like certain parts of me. My therapist says it's a good thing. Is it weird to love yourself?
|
self.depression
|
Why am I like this? Why is it that the first thought when I wake up is either the utter disappointment of not being dead or just simply killing myself even though I have a relatively good life. There are many others in horrible situations and are fine meanwhile I want to die.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
DAE live for sleeping/dreaming? I sleep 12 hours a night but I also dream very vividly. I can't remember much about my dreams these days, just that I'm happy in them and the world is beautiful.
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self.depression
|
I can’t sleep And it’s just because of a sore throat and it’s the worst. Every swallow is agony and the pain meds dont even fully take the pain away. It’s so swollen it hurts to put my neck down and it’s starting to make my ear hurt. The doctors just prescribe stronger and stronger pain killers and tell me it’s a problem when I physically can’t swallow or can barely talk/open my mouth. I get that they don’t want to put me on unnecessary antibiotics, but are opiates better? I’ve had this for over a week and it’s just gotten worse, but they’ve ran tests on everything and they’re all negative. I don’t know I needed to open up a bit and reading some news of complications with strep/tonsillitis is really driving my anxiety up. Thanks
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self.offmychest
|
Such a Hopeless situation that i've just locked up. Need advice / possibly a kick in the pants TL;DR at the bottom.
Earlier this year, I was fired from my well-paying job for questionably-legitimate reasons, a sentiment which is shared by former co-workers. Truthfully, I couldn't get along with the boss because she was extremely rude and incompetent, and I couldn't refrain from keeping my mouth shut. I was extremely hard-working and I accomplished more than anybody else ever had in my position previously. I was also on an SSRI (yay mania), which helped the productivity, but even before I'd started the SSRI I was quite good at the job.
After I was fired, I crawled into a bottle for 3 months and ended up getting a DUI. The worst part is, I was at home that night with a bottle of rum and I wasn't planning on going anywhere. I don't remember driving at all, and I didn't even make the conscious decision to drive. I just, sat at my desk drinking rum and the next thing I remember I wake up in solitary confinement. Not shortly thereafter, I'm diagnosed bipolar. After five different anti-depressants over 8 years haven't worked, it was a relief to just *know*. I was prescribed lithium and taken off the SSRI (Lexapro).
The Lithium has been different from anything previous, in a great way. My anger issues have subsided, and believe me, they could get BAD at times. I feel a tiny bit more inclined to be social. I'm less inclined to be obsessive over things.
But, that all pales in comparison to how utterly desperate of a situation I'm in right now, which I've found I am now completely locked up. I have lost two jobs - following being fired from the first mentioned job - for being unable to wake up on time. I am six months behind payments on $39,000 in debt, of which roughly half is CC and 1/3 is student loans.
I pretty much HAVE to declare bankruptcy at this point - and I would sincerely appreciate anybody's input on the matter.
The living situation is that I'm two months behind on rent, and I would feel guilty asking my grandmother if I could move in with her. I don't have any other options and I'm going to be evicted very soon here. I don't have any money to move my stuff out either - which would probably be a $20 or so truck rental. I don't have much.
I still haven't gotten a public defender for my case, which is in 3 weeks. I was advised to apply for a public defender two months in advance, but things are so bad that I have completely stopped giving a fuck. "I'll get around to it" has eaten up a lot of time.
TL;DR: I'm six months behind on $39,000 in debt, I'm going to court in 3 weeks for a DUI and I still haven't applied for a public defender, I need to declare bankruptcy but I can't even afford a lawyer for that, I can't hold down a job because I can't fucking sleep, I'm going to be evicted very soon here and I have no way to possibly move my shit out of my apartment.
The good news is, I am seeing a psychiatrist in 11 days and I am not leaving her office until I am absolutely assured that whatever I'm prescribed will help me just, fucking BE A PRODUCTIVE MEMBER OF SOCIETY. I just want to be able to support myself. This is the first time in my life that I haven't been able to.
Thank you for reading. I'm going to go for a walk now to clear my mind, but any input or advice is appreciated. Your own experiences with bankruptcy, public defenders, jobs, and if you have advice I will truly be grateful.
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self.bipolar
|
What do you say to cashiers? My therapist wants me to say more than just "hi" to them. She said to include "how are you", but I don't like saying that because I'll get a lie for an answer so what's the point of asking?
What else is there to say to them?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Is it bad that I fell in love too quick? I was so ecstatic that a girl like me that I fell in love with the idea of dating someone that now that it’s over, I sit here sad and hoping that there might be a change of something but I’m not sure if I really want something more again or if I’m just keeping myself depressed by hooking onto something that shouldn’t matter this much or at all. I’ve been lonely for so long that when I found out she liked me I tried too hard I think. But now that it’s over I say “whatever her loss” but truly she’ll find better and I’ll be stuck here alone without hope or anything to get me out of this hole...
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self.offmychest
|
Ever think your fine, just to come across some small thing that makes u cry till it physically hurts? I was diagnosed with severe depression a while back, am not on meds, thought I was fine. I came across "Elijah who - crying without knowing why" and softly cried till it hurt. I'm not sad, suicidal, or anything like that. I think the best way I can describe it is that I feel empty. Just typing this it's hard to see over the tears.
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self.depression
|
Why do I panic when I'm asked out? How come every time I am asked out I have a panic attack and quickly say "No" and walk off? It is Valentine's Day and a friend of mine just asked me out and you know what I'm doing? I'm freaking out and thinking all the ways he is joking or messing with me. I also do have depression but he doesn't know this. So why do I panic?
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self.Anxiety
|
It's that time of year when SAD starts to bug me. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Quicksand It seem like everyone around me is going with their life yet I feel stuck. Stuck in quicksand ever sinking. I'm desperately clawing at the ground to keep my head up but to no avail. I sink, I sink ever deeper. I fear what will come if I give up but I am aware of my fading effort. I am aware it's all a mind game but it doesn't change how I feel. I know and yet I sink. I know and yet I let it be.
I wrote this and didn't have anywhere else to share it. Just wanted to get it out somewhere for someone to see. Thanks
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self.depression
|
I've been writing a gratitude journal, and this is what I found. First, I knew that stereotypical stuff wouldn't work very well, you know, food in your plate, a roof over your head, and things that make me say "Ugh, not this thanksgiving sh*t again." since I'd see myself as ungrateful, self-centered, etc. So I decided to write stuff I was genuinely grateful about, especially if it happened that day.
I found myself feeling better, I mean I had good and bad days, but overall I was recovering. Dunno if just because of the journal tho.
Now the thing is, yesterday my sister invited me to her house (she has new puppies btw). It wasn't that fun, I mean I was somewhat entertained, but after a while I just wanted to get out of there.
It was more like a neutral experience, but I decided to write it down anyways. After doing that, I started to feel genuinely better about it, even if it had already happened and it didn't do much at the moment.
It seems that this tool can be used to boost your gratitude, by starting with obvious experiences, and progressively letting it spread to more neutral, or even bad experiences.
EDIT: Just read the community rules, so I deleted what was next
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self.depression
|
I want to get in my car, start driving, and never stop. The thought of just getting on that highway, turning on music, and gunning it is so satisfying.
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self.depression
|
What other subreddits are there? I mean, I came here for this one in particular but I'm still so new that I don't know how to navigate Reddit and find other things to talk about. Please help.
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self.depression
|
caught in a traffic It is very hard to explain how I feel like. The more I think about it, the more it hurts. It feels like a narrow dark space with no air inside. And it hurts. It hurts when I go to bed. It hurts when I wake up in the morning. It hurts when I am at work. It hurts when I enjoy the lake near my apartment. And it is not my body that hurts. It is not my soul because I do not believe in such thing. But somewhere deep inside my head, my skull, my brain. Mentality?
So, I want to commit suicide. The reason for such a weird desire of mine isn't my laziness or my 'I hate the world' attitude. I just suffer from the constant pain of being guilty. Even right now you can't even imagine how guilty I feel because of writing this down. People tell me I'm lazy. People tell me I would look better if I lose some pounds. People tell me to watch my mouth and get rid of my accent. I am tired of ignorance from others. I don't want to hear your "I am sorry" or "I/my parent/my brother or sister/my friend has the same problem and they probably had it worse". I don't want that. I want love. I want appreciation. I want people to recognize me. I want to be loved. I want to be perfect for everybody. I want to stop feeling guilty. And with all of this white noise originating from people's mouths, I can't hear myself and I can't hear my desire to live anymore. I'm not happy. I'm upset everyday, doesn't matter what happens. My desire to live a full life, my happiness, my joy, my MEANING OF EVERYTHING ALREADY COMMITTED SUICIDE YEARS AGO WHEN I STARTED FEELING AND LIVING WITH THIS AGONY IN MY HEAD AND MY BODY. I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE. I DO NOT CARE ANYMORE. I AM DONE. I AM SO DONE OF TRYING in this life. Maybe another life gives me something good. However, I hope, there is nothing behind the bloody door which I'm going to open soon. Very soon.
But you better be smiling more, sunshine. Right? I smile. Or do I? It's more of a fake smile. I heard people saying that if you do fake smile it will actually make you happy. Doesn't seem like it. No matter how hard I try it's just a short term solution, which doesn't make me feel any better.
I still look for something inside myself. I still look for some parts of me that are functioning wrongly because it is my fault and I am the one to blame. I am not good enough. I am not trying hard enough. I am way to lazy. I am the one to talk. I surrounded myself with sand castles which are my dreams and hopes and there is a tide and a wind that are going to destroy everything I built. All of this makes me feel like I am unworthy. I mean, I know I am unworthy.
What did I do wrong? Where am I going? Everything and nowhere.
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self.SuicideWatch
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So I got a job. But my severe lack of friends and intimacy is soul deadening. Seriously is it even possible to function properly like this? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I like this place and I trust you guys so I’ve returned. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
I want to go somewhere and do something but have nowhere to go I can't stay at home for another second. I'm going to lose my fucking mind. I can't think of any place to go to. And the social anxiety doesn't help.
|
self.depression
|
2017 went by so fast because I did nothing with my life... I think the sign of personal growth is that time feels longer. You really *feel* weeks crawl by when you are experiencing life. Each day feels like it has weight or purpose, even if it's only in memory. Maybe you had multiple different jobs/relationships in the same year. Your philosophy on life changed based on those experiences. 2017 was a blur for me, I was just stuck in my hole that I created long ago. My passage of time was measured by video game releases and tv shows that I watched. Leaving my house occasionally to go exercise, classes were online and I still managed to fail those. Days blended into weeks. Weeks blended into months. I'm living with my parents achieving nothing in my life other than wasting their money trying to finish a degree that I have no motivation for. I have nothing I look forward to, nothing I feel I can achieve to improve my life. I've been given so many opportunities. I've never met someone as pathetic as me. Every night this year I had suicidal thoughts. It's been my ritual as of late.
It makes me anxious and depressed to hear people say how "the beginning of 2017 feels like forever ago". To me it feels like a couple of weeks ago. Nothing happened to me this year. I didn't really get better. I got slightly worse, but mostly I just remained stagnant. Paralyzed. This feeling is all too familiar. I never grow and it worries me that I'll never get better. Every year is the same, it's all a blur of loneliness and self imposed isolation. Creating grand plans for myself that I'll never carry out just to give myself a sense of false hope.
Names I recognize are posting picture of themselves getting married, traveling, having kids. They're experiencing life. But doing all those things feels impossible to me. Leaving my house feels impossible to me some days. I've basically been unchanged since high school. Almost 6 years ago now. I hate myself, my life is going nowhere. I don't feel capable of taking control of it. It makes me want to end it. I don't know what to do.
I guess I'll go to sleep and the chemical concoction brewing in my head right now will pass. Only to return tomorrow night.
|
self.depression
|
Wrote this today and figured you guys would enjoy the read. [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Does anyone else also edit their posts too much? I just noticed that I've been editing my posts, comments, and replies a lot. At first I thought it was because I'm a grammar nazi, but now I think it's anxiety. Anyone else been doing this? Am I right to think this? I'm still new to this haha.
|
self.Anxiety
|
For 2018 I’m giving up. Fuck finding love, fuck intimacy. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Can anyone else not tolerate any sort of alcohol? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Anxiety symptoms Hi, the base of my anxiety is the excessive fear of death, so , I tend to overreact to every symptom I have. I experienced that when I get to know that some symptom is related to anxiety and not anyother disease I calm down. I'm sure that I'm not the only one like this so all I'm asking is that if you people could share in the comments some of the main symptoms or a less common one. I think this would help many other people so they come here and see that what they are feeling is something normal ! *sorry for my english*
My main symptoms are :
-Difficult breath
-the feeling that I'm in a dream, and nothing is real
Thank you and get better soon !
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self.Anxiety
|
I fell lonely Sorry if it's hard to follow, I speak french and I write it as it goes.
I need a hug, I want to talk to people, I just need someone loving me. I feel so empty.
I am very introvert. 3 years ago, I spend 2 years of school without talking to anyone, and I was ok with being alone. But now... I never feel that much loneliness before. Maybe because Christmas approach, I really don't know. I feel more and more depression and anxiety, and more and more lonely. It hurt, I want to scream. Everybody around me think I am a very happy person, because I always smile and laugh. But I do it to hide the pain. I don't want to hurt my family or friends because of my feelings. Because of this, I prefer to laugh when I want to cry. So something I overthink, and just start to laugh for now reason, at work, at school, in the bus...
I regret my past years begin introvert, now I have nobody to talk about my loneliness. Ironic.
Results of everything: 20 years alone, almost 21, never know real love, no real friend who I can talk about this, no future projects. I just feel a big hole inside.
No I will not commit suicide, I promise to myself a few years ago, to never see this as a solution anymore, because life is hard, but still beautiful.
Hahahaha, you probably think I make no sense and that's the case, I don't understand myself ether.
Whoever's reading this, I wish you a good day/night/whatever.
|
self.depression
|
These are a few of my favorite things Warning: *long* but probably worth the read
Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of posts and comments from people who feel hopeless. Not just here on r/depression, but on the binge eating subreddit and other subreddits of which I am a subscriber. I totally get it and I’ve felt that way a million times. I love giving people suggestions and telling them what works for me. It obviously won’t work for everybody but it may inspire some people to do what they love too! I just wanted to make this post to hopefully uplift a few people who may need it and give some tips while struggling with depression or other chronic struggles.
Just to be clear, this is not a “just do this and everything will get better” kind of post. For the majority of people depression is a chemical problem in the brain, which I understand. But here are a few things to make life more enjoyable when the depression is especially crippling! :)
First I think the most important thing is to love yourself. Treat yourself like that inner child that needs comfort, love, affection and reassurance. Do you doubt yourself constantly? Separate the emotional you who is scared and the objective you. Let your objective self comfort the emotional one and tell yourself it’s okay. Don’t ever be meaner to yourself than you would to a five year old little kid. Show yourself love! Because if you don’t, there’s no guarantee that anyone else will. And that’s okay. It just means that you have to be your own best friend. You have to be your own parent. Your own mentor, your own comforter. This gets easier with practice.
Second, after you get good at babying yourself and giving yourself the appropriate empathy and love, start allowing yourself to feel your emotions!!! If you’re depressed there’s probably a lot of sadness, maybe some anger, and definitely intense shame. Whatever emotions you have, let yourself feel exactly how painful they are in your chest. They won’t kill you I PROMISE. Then after letting yourself feel the emotions, become that inner best friend to comfort yourself.
After that, find out what you seek most out of other people. Is it love? Attention? Pity? Just be honest with yourself. I’ll be honest with you all: for me it was the three up there that I listed. Once I admitted that this was what I was seeking from others, I made my inner parent give my inner child a huge dose of them. I started loving myself instead of hating myself even though I’m far from perfect. I started giving myself attention and giving value to the things I liked, no matter how unimportant (I love eating caramel, watching game of thrones, and taking naps! Woohoo!). Lately, I noticed I felt very sorry for myself because of my childhood, but at the same time I felt disgusted and I almost felt like I didn’t believe myself. So allowed my inner parent to validate my feelings and that made me stop searching for pity and empathy from others. I was giving myself all I needed - I believed myself and I knew what I had gone through, and that was sufficient for me.
Lastly! This is the most fun one!!! Give yourself a wonderful experience in life. This means you need to shower with the water as hot as you want it, while using the most wonderfully scented body wash. This means exfoliating your whole body and removing hair if that’s how you love to feel. It means using the creamiest best smelling lotions and the most comfortable socks, shamelessly. It means binge watching 8 hours of football if that’s what you’re into. It means eating your favorite food as a meal! Stop feeling ashamed, and start accepting who you are and what you love. If you don’t know what that is, look into society and see what other people love and start trying these things out to see what makes you tick. I love good smells, being clean, snuggling in my warm bed with warm blankets, binge watching shows, gardening, and looking at the view outside my apartment. Be nice to yourself. Don’t harm yourself physically or mentally anymore. Show yourself the affection you deserve!
Hope this helps someone!
|
self.depression
|
Girlfriend got drunk for the first time today, and I absolutely hated it. So, I'm probably the most chill person ever, I have *something* that makes me rage with a burning passion over this, after a bit of introspection, I think the problem is me, which makes it a bit worse.
First she said she wouldn't get drunk cause she isn't into that that either but low and behold, her trashy cousins got her drunk. I feel they have something to do with this as I just don't like them at all, they're always soooo vain, but its besides the point.
Anyways, she starts with the texts saying "I love yooou" and different iterations of that. That's fine and all, but it isn't her. I know it isn't her and I hate talking to what I feel like is someone impersonating my gf. Here's the real kicker, I feel that hate is because I myself have (had) used drugs before that messed with my brain.
I had some anxiety and anti-dis-associative disorder. Its different for everyone, but it can make you feel like you aren't yourself, in crazy ways. You look at your hands and wonder if that's really you, constantly obsessed with if you even exist and a bunch of other stuff.
I was given SSRIs to help with this but it only made it worse. Through years of counseling, I'm 100% over it, it might come back for a few min every now and then but no big deal.
What really made me mad was when I was giving her a bit of a cold shoulder due to the "heeeyyyy" messages that were meaningless and she basically had a mini breakdown, saying that I hated her and didn't love her anymore. This just made things worse as I'm talking with the women I've been with for 3 years and love very much question if I loved her. I realize she wasn't in the right state of mind but again, that's what I hate, I've been there and it affected my life in terrible ways, I hate seeing her willingly choose to be in that state of mind. Yea, its fun or whatever but I just can't handle it.
This is honestly a mess but I feel a lot better being able to just type it out.
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self.offmychest
|
Who finds out when you die? My family, my friends, my workplace...will my doctor know? My school counsellor? My friends online? What happens after my body is found? Is it possible to disappear?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
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