text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
I'm at a new low and I don't know what to do next... I created this account a while back but every time I've tried to write this out I end up deleting it. But, after today I've decided I need to get some things off my chest and hopefully find some advice that will help me get out of this rut.
About a year ago I took a risk, I made an investment in myself to be better. I switched career paths and took about 6 months away from work to receive some intensive training in software development. It was expensive but it seemed to pay off almost immediately as I landed a job shortly after finishing that paid double what I had ever made before. Things were looking up. Then the company I was with started struggling and I was laid off (as the junior developer it made the most sense for a smaller company.)
That was 6 months ago... I've been looking for a job ever since and nothing is working out. I've sent in countless applications in that time and I've received exactly two interviews, neither of which has developed into anything beyond that initial interview. It's beginning to look like the investment I made in my future isn't going to pan out which means I now, once again, have no marketable skills, no money, no future prospects beyond a lifetime in customer service (which I hated working in and was the reason I decided to make a change,) and no value to offer anyone. I'm on my last leg at this point and spend more time in bed than out of it as of late because the drive to do anything is dwindling. I don't see the point in it anymore. I'm not looking forward to the holidays because I will have to face my entire family as a complete and utter failure. I'm not sure I can do that. I don't know what's left for me at this point and I'm afraid that when I discover exactly what that is it won't be worth it... I can't go back to where I was but it looks like I've hit the end of the road I'm currently on, I feel worthless and like there is no future for me beyond an existence of crippling mediocrity and depression.
I don't know if this is the right subreddit for this, maybe there's a better one and I've not found it, but I'm hoping that maybe someone can point me in a direction or give me some advice about what to do next (beyond "keep on keepin on")
|
self.depression
|
Awful Flashbacks I've tried both shutting them out and mindfully accepting them but no matter what I do these flashbacks of my hypomanic cringe or my more recent manic insanity keep haunting me. I get them constantly, always causing a surge of anger. Sometimes I have like a spasm, sometimes I punch the wall, sometimes I talk to myself angrily that it wasn't my fault but I feel like destroying everything every time this happens. I have dreams about it, too.
I supposedly have been stable for about two months now according to my psychiatrist, and I don't know if I am losing my stability, or if this is the result of being stabilized. This diagnosis has been pretty recent for me, I first had symptoms two years ago in high school so I'm suspicious that my first ever period of euthymia has allowed me to have these flashbacks since I was too occupied with staying alive and being a human being prior to this. Because without even the slightest intention the worst and most shameful moments of my life decide to invade my fucking head.
Can anyone relate? Is this something everyone with bipolar goes through or is this an entirely different issue? I've lost the desire to see anyone I know who isn't my family that had to see me manic or suicidal. So pretty much everyone. My identity's been stained and now I feel like everyone is condescending towards me, whether they know that I'm bipolar or not, and I can see why because how can you just erase someone's behavior from ur head and pretend that nothing happened? I met some of these people when I was hypomanic so what can I do besides cut them out of my life? I don't want to do that but I feel so fucking angry at them, like they all think they're better than me and it's even worse with these flashbacks of specific events involving them when I was like that. As if their visualization of my identity will always be the fucking idiot who acted like that, and there's nothing I can do to shake that off outside of killing myself.
|
self.bipolar
|
About me, and psyching myself up to see a doctor. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Random late night thoughts Having anxiety and depression is watching your self destroy everything you have ever worked for and it only gives you more anxiety because it's not like you can go around telling everyone "I'm not an asshole, I just have issues" but at the same time you just look like a piece of shit.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Paxil I’ve been using paxil for the past week and i feel amazing, but people says that for paxil to take full effect it takes at least 6 weeks, so my question is should i expect a big difference in how i feel now or the difference will be small?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Holidays alone So it’s that time of year and this year I have no one to spend the holidays with. I can remember when my ex and I use to have lots of traditions we would do from decorating the house to putting up the Christmas tree but I now I just don’t have much motivation or want to do any of this stuff this year. I do have family but they have there own lives I don’t want to bother them with my problems. I’m at the point where I wish the holidays would just be over with and I can just focus on work and my routine I’ve made for myself to get thru each day. I feel really stupid sometime because I know she’s having a great time with her friends and probably has a new guy and I’m just stuck in this place I can’t seem to get out of. All I really have for the holidays is my dog and I and a empty house no real friends to call or do stuff with and family with there own families to worry with. I’m very depressed right now and it’s probably going to be worse by Christmas time. I’ve tried meet up groups, online dating, volunteering and therapy with nothing making a difference. Maybe this is how my life is going to be just alone forever. My metal health is serious bad but getting worse around the holidays. I know it’s not right to think about ending things everyday from morning until night.
|
self.depression
|
I need advice Desperately. I'll start of by saying that I have GAD and Panic Disorder and it really sucks I've seen some therapists but i always alienate myself from it.
The issue here I medicate with Marijuana, and contrary to popular belief it helps me actually concentrate on things better especially when i go to college. The problem is I cannot drive if i decide to medicate and my college is about 30 minutes away driving. I need to convince my mother who is currently unemployed and staying at home to at least drive me to a bus stop so I am able to be at school taking my medication (vaporizer at a smoking section) so I can literally pass my classes. She is pretty hardstuck an anti-marijuana but it helps me and I know it helps get better grades since im actually able to concentrate and not worry about everything else.
at this point i realized that some more info would help:
my mother knows i do it but she thinks its only 2 times a week
she doesnt really know about vaporizers
i dont want to lie to her
i want to let her know as like calmly as possible she tends to yell and its annoying
Update: I ended up doing it by letting her know that she'll see my grades exceed, she isnt happy about the driving part but she says for the time being she's fine with doing it.
|
self.Anxiety
|
symptoms connected to emoquette? i'll make this brief: i've been on emoquette birth control pretty consistently for the last 7 months or so, and even though certain life circumstances have been shit this year and sent me back into the depression pit(tm), i noticed something interesting this week. i forgot to take the pill for a few days and i already feel a whole lot better; talking more, crying less, being able to calm down faster, even being more productive and self-motivated. problem is, i can't tell for sure if this is actually a result of not taking the pill anymore or not. i'm gonna stay off of it for another week as an experiment.
anyone else who's used emoquette or other forms of the pill have any similar experiences? i'll gladly switch to another prescription/method if it means feeling less awful all the time
|
self.depression
|
I’m being forced do something I don’t love attending anymore. Sure, this may not be as serious of a post as many others on this subreddit. However, as much as I love piano, I feel beyond miserable going to classes now. Classes are no longer enjoyable and it consistently clashes with my schedule. Me being a high school senior working on college apps and advanced classes, in addition to cross country/ running (which I am very passionate about), it is incredibly time consuming to add piano classes into the mix. Yes, I still love the instrument, but I dread going to class, partly because I now find it to be such a bore.
That being said, I have tried to drop piano a couple months ago, and my mom was understanding of it at first. However, after she spoke with my teacher (as they were good coworkers once when they both taught preschool), my teacher practically threw a hissy fit cause she wanted me to stay, and so my mom did not let me drop. We agreed that I could take a hiatus (as I had a lot to do, such as the above activities (mostly cross country and the beginnings of college applications).
Today, I am suppose to be heading back to class, but coincidentally, I am feeling very sick. I rarely get sick, but my stomach has been in pain, my head hurts, and I am beyond exhausted (lots of work to get done this week). I also have a lot of assignments and UC Application to finish up, so I am feeling overwhelmed. Thus, I texted my mom that I can’t go today for the above reasons, but she has said that I’ve missed too many classes, I can’t cancel because that would be rude (it’s an outside school thing for god’s sake!!), and the typical “do your homework now.” I feel in despair and hopelessness because I’m feeling sick, I have too many assignments to do tonight, and on top of that, I’m being forced to do something that I don’t even want to attend anymore.
|
self.offmychest
|
I dont even care that this is my main account [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Can birth control help with anxiety? I've been wondering about this lately. I've been on the pill since I was 15 (currently 25) and I went off the pill in November 2015, because I was feeling rather depressed and I wanted to rid myself from any chemicals that might be effecting my mood. But since then I developed an anxiety disorder that is making my life rather difficult. When I think back on the time that I quit, at first I was feeling amazing, but the following January I experienced my first real panic attack. It was happening day after day but then stopped. But this anxiety got worse over time, especially during autumn and late winter. Right now I am really worried how it is takinh control over my life and I will be starting a new job in 2 weeks and I want to be mentally prepared. I do weĺl under pressure and even the whole interview process has been a breeze, but it seems like after the adrenaline wears off I get hit by this anxiety induced sensations.
So what I've been thinking is, is it possible that birth control kept my anxiety issues under control? That maybe if I haven't been on the pill before, i would have developed it earlier. I've read that birth control can actually make your condition worse, buy everyone is different.
Do any of you have any experience with this sort of thing?
UPDATE June 2018: Hey, I would like to give you guys that were so kind to respond a quick little update of my situation. It has been quite a rollercoaster.
Like I planned I went to see my doctor to get another birth control prescription, got them, started taking them on my first day of period.
First two days, it was more of the same, no huge spikes or whatever. I was feeling actually kinda optimistic, but then it all went downhill... It got worse and worse with each day. I got hit with a mixture of severe anxiety and depression.
Couple of weeks in, I had my doctors appointment for starting my new job. I don't how you call it where you come from, but here before you start an employment you have to go through several medical check ups, like an ECG or eye test etc. and in the end you have a consultation with a "family" doctor. I was really nervous, if they would point out my recurring anxiety problems. I can't start to describe how understanding and helpful the doctor actually was. I explained to her how the problems started, what I was experiencing and that I started eating birth control again in the hopes of helping with my issues. She expressed concern that it probably is related to hormones, especially because of the spikes surrounding my periods. She also pointed out that my thyroid is slightly enlarged. They did a blood test and checked my hormones. The results showed 2 problems that are actually correlated. Too much estrogen and too little magnesium. Of course I stopped eating my pills right after that and I have another check up tomorrow, so they can compare the results. The situation has improved quickly and with noticable results.
My point was that I was really happy that she actually took the time and helped me find a solution that is rather simple. In my experience they try to shove pills down your throat as soon as you mention you are feeling a bit tired. Im not saying pills arent helpful and they really make life bearable for some people. But some times all it takes is a little supplement. Again I'm not saying go out and eat magnesium pills, but if you have been experiencing some of the same stuff that I have, perhaps get your thyroid checked.
If you want to know anything more, ask away! :) Hope this gives you some hope :)
|
self.Anxiety
|
She’s everything I’m not.
She fills the gaps, calms him, is who he turns to about things I don’t understand/can’t empathize with. Debates and inside jokes. They are so much like each other — and so good for each other. The only thing I got on her is that he’s a heterosexual. And she’s not. He doesn’t need someone who is such a mess, who is constantly stressing and straining him mentally, when he has a best friend who he can escape out of his own head with. And when you’re physically disabled and wildly intelligent, that’s your lifeline, your escape, your respite. I GIVE him anxiety attacks and she is the only one who can pull him out of them. She never causes him any stress, strain, anger, frustration, disappointment. She never makes him feel like he’s psychologically tired.
Honestly, I am glad. I am glad they met. They are what the other needed. A pretty spot on fit. She would do great by the kids. She’s a psychiatrist, of all things, a spot on equal match for him. She challenges him, understands him, can banter and debate on the same level as one another. The kids being raised by people like that will have been raised right and have their shit together. Instead of someone who automatically/inevitably will be the reason for future psychological treatment.
So I need to get it all together. Figure out our finances, everything in order to allow for smooth operation of home life/school. He will be angry. Furious and disappointed in me, abandoned and depressed. But I would only do it one more time to him and the kids. And then they can just move on with their lives in the best, healthiest way. And they can’t get hurt by me anymore. One last time. When N is little enough to block it out and E old enough to hate me forever (til they convince him I was this amazing one hit wonder—-which I just don’t understand, and feel like they’re trying to humor me so I don’t go off the mental deep end of Depression.) they see me as some awesome force of nature, but I don’t have my shit together. I’m not someone who can do everything. Im a fucking utter mess and I’m bumbling around through life everyday trying to make it to an end of the day equal to or better than it started. Everyday is a mine field. Everyday a chance to cause an explosion rooted in my lack of understanding, compassion, knowledge, experience, and discipline. It’s too exhausting to feel all of the possibilities of how my ineptitude will inevitably blow something up far beyond capabilities of being repaired/salvaged.
Working 15hrs a week at local restaurant would net me around $600 a month - a 1br apartment with utilities included in town - so working 20 hours would allow enough for food too. Walk to work. See the kids when they want. I’ll drive him to doctors appointments and make him meals. Sew Halloween costumes for the kids, play video games with E and make pineapple cream pie with N. (And work 24/7 during my most depressing times to make it go by quicker and act as a permanent distraction until it’s over). And they won’t have the mental breakdowns, the undeserved Aftermath/consequences of Me that they will need therapy’d through down the road. Or maybe it would be better if I just got smeared by a semi. At least they would grieve and go on, instead of being tortured by the reality that their spouse/mother is 1)incapable of loving them and 2)causing them pain, accidentally or consequently.
As a single parent, spouse will be able to get disability status for sure; and therefore would no longer have the stress of his (horrible) job weighing on his mind 24/7 (minus time-spent-with-her). His parents will help with the kids.
He won’t need to spend all of his time talking you down from the edge or trying to pull you out of the muck so you can function on a normal human level. He won’t need to feel like he’s parenting an adult or being test dummy anymore. It will worsen his PTSD for a bit, but she will help him through it. Because she understands. And it doesn’t take Work to love her. And because she truly loves him back. No excuses, no distractions, and no apologies needed.
My refusal to better myself has dragged down the well-being and reduced the quality and length of life of my spouse and kids. I know they love me. But I am not healthy or good for them. I fail to pay attention to important details, are defensive when it’s discovered, and dismissive/ignorant of the negative consequence (usually on my spouse or kids).
The truth is, I am toxic.
Twisted and warped.
Egocentric and manipulative.
Consequences of my ignorance victimize others.
They see me as this Wonder Woman but it’s all a farce. It’s all rotten inside. And one of these days all that rot is going to come spilling out.
(Obv throwaway.)
|
self.depression
|
My heart is broken after my former gf has done everything we ever did, but with another guy and MUCH sooner. We really fucking loved each other. We started dating early in high school, and of course as we got older it got more serious. We decided way ahead of time that we would not do a long distance relationship in college, but to leave the door open if we are meant to be together. We didn't have sex until the few weeks leading up to us going away for college. She always said she would wait til marriage, but near the end she told me that she loved me so much that she wanted to do it, especially because she wanted to share the first time with me. So we did, and then we mutually, but painfully went our own ways to different colleges. We still liked each other a lot, and saw a future with each other.
Now we are here in college. We talked here and there to catch up, but not a ton. We stopped talking for a while, and then out of the blue she texted me and let me know that she has a boyfriend at her college. No big deal. I was surprised, but not angry or anything. But as I just got back home, one of my guy friends told me that she (my former gf) after less than a month of dating, has had sex with this boy, and is planning on bringing him home for Christmas.
I know, "what's her business is hers, it's her choices." But I feel like back when i was with her she valued what we did so much, and it took her so much courage and love to go through with the things we did, not to mention three years of deciding. Now she turned around and did this with a boy she's known for a month.
Am I wrong to feel like shit right now? Especially because we didn't close things off between us, we just didn't want to do long distance. Reddit, help me out here. If I'm just being jealous and have nothing legitimately to feel bad at, then tell me. But this hurts, bad.
tl;dr: I dated a girl for three years before she thought it was okay for us to have sex. We went our own ways for college, and she found a guy and had sex with him after dating for a month. I feel horrible.
|
self.offmychest
|
can i feel sick after overcoming a big event so i registered and enrolled for school (college) this week after being out for 5 years. it was a big thing and i just jumped in head on, wanting to change my life...etc. just been pushing back the anxiety trying to talk myself through it and get it done. Well i did the biggest part which was going up to the school and registering for classes today. i have my schedule so its done. i'm proud of myself i actually did it...however i feel really sick. My head feels heavy. i feel nauseated and i just want to sleep. i feel like i can barely keep my eyes open. i've had some anxiety "hangovers" before but man this one is bad. Can anyone relate?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Does anybody feel sudden claustrophobia? If I am just watching TV or cleaning or something sometimes I feel a really intense and sudden need to open the doors and windows in house. I cant stand to be touched or stand next to anyone. I feel like my house has gotten 10 times smaller somehow. I also become hypersensitive to sounds and nearly every sound is almost painful, even the sound of my adorable dog breathing. This will last maybe 10 minutes or so then I feel fine again. It doesn't sound that bad, but my husband feels like I hate him. If he tries to even put his arm around me or my dog tries to out his head on my lap - I feel like I have to go outside or I am going to vomit. I don't feel like this happens when I'm especially anxious but I know that has to be the root problem. Anybody else feel this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Failure, shame, and lack of dreams I have struggled with chronic depression (dysthymia), anxiety and avoidant personality disorder, which were diagnosed well over a decade ago. I'm now in my mid forties and feel that it's pointless to try and get better anymore as I feel my life is already over. My career has failed and I've lost what little hope I had in ever finding a girlfriend. I feel guilty and ashamed that I even dreamed of the things that I have failed to achieve.
I did see a therapist for almost a year. I learned that toxic shame distorts my thinking, but made no progress with the feelings of futility and failure. Some say it's never too late for life to turn for better, but that's just empty words for me. Nothing in life seems worth the effort. If I got everything I wanted today, I would still feel bitter for not having it in my youth.
|
self.depression
|
Can the self esteem from mania last please Any other time my self esteem and general mood is low. Just wish the good feeling I get from it would last minus the craziness. I've been rapid cycling this last week one minute I'm down one minute I'm up
|
self.bipolar
|
So im back from getting my GP to check out the lump on my pubic area.. I went to my GP and it wasnt as embarrassing as i thought it would be as she was very nice about it.
She couldnt feel it lying doen so i stood up and i pinched it/lifted it up to show her and straight away while she was feeling it she said "ah yeah thats just a sebaceous cyst" she said its not infected or anything and said it might not go away at all but she gave me antibiotics just in case it grows or gets painful. I made sure its nothing concerning and she made it clear she thinks its nothing bad at all.
Lets just say i feel pretty happy! And i know that if if was cancer she would know bu feeling it yeah?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Beware of Betterhelp , don't register there if you need help Hello there!.
I just wanted to warn anyone thinking of subscribing to this site of "online counseling", [betterhelp.com](betterhelp.com) ... they supposedly offer you "Counseling" or help you with whatever problem you're facing...
But the truth is that they're just a waste of time and money. They ask you a bunch of questions to *match* you with someone who can actually help you with your problem, but they don't do that. At least in my case I was never paired with anyone.
And there are other users who reported that their counselor didn't help them either.
[Here is an example](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/7qe9b6/betterhelp_denied_me/)
[Another One](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/7r3l0c/i_registered_at_betterhelpcom_they_emailed_me/)
[And Here's a full search for that topic](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/search?q=Betterhelp&restrict_sr=on)
As you can see, there are multiple cases where people have complained about this site..
So, if you're looking for help like me, better look elsewhere and don't put any hope on this site... I thought it was an useful site and it would have helped me... but it is not.
**I hope all of you are doing better folks!.**
|
self.depression
|
Maybe some people were just meant to be alone. It's kinda strange finally acknowledging that statement after all I've done to just appeal to someone, anyone.
I got into a world renowned school, I can cook, clean, sing, increased my squat and bench by 70 and 50 respectively, hell, I even started to floss. I did everything I could just so I could be "that guy" that women would simply swoon over.
But the past few months have made me realize that maybe you just can't influence people that easily just by being so shallow and desperate. Maybe certain people were just meant to be alone. And hell, I'm kinda okay with that.
|
self.offmychest
|
The worst feeling in the world is feeling alone in a marriage and I've done just that to my[24] wife[23] So I've really messed things up in my marriage the past two years. My wife warned my I was spending to much time on my phone and that I wasn't paying attention to her and I didn't listen. Why? I have no answer because I truly do not know. I loved her then as I do know. There isn't a single being on this planet that will ever love her and care about her as much I do. So why was I ignoring her? Why wasn't I listening to the signs she was giving? Now it's to late...
She says she doesn't want us to separate and that she wants us to work out but she's emotionally done trying. She's been trying for two years to get my attention. That's all she wanted was my attention. Why would I ignore the one person I love and care about the most on this world. PLEASE SOMEONE EXPLAIN IT cause I can't understand why? I'm losing her day by day if I haven't lost her already. for once in my life I understand what the feeling is to want to go away and end it all to not feel like this anymore.
What's life without that one person that completes you? I never thought I'd feel like this unless we were old and dying. I sit at home alone trying to think of how life would go without her and nothing makes sense. I wouldn't want to be alive anymore.
I've never regretted marrying her. I've never questioned my love for her. I've never stopped caring for her. I'd do anything for her so why did I do this to her. Why did I act like this and make her beg for my attention and then not see it when she was trying? I'm lost. I need someone to explain why? I've tried a psychiatrist but my new jobs insurance is no good till January 1st and I can't handle this anymore. Please help
Td;lr why would I ignore the person I love and care about the most when she was telling me this might happen if I didn't stop.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Told myself that you were right for me, but felt so lonely in your company. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Good job, me. I just bombed an interview. Reddit,
I bombed a university interview for a scholarship. I was so unprepared and nervous and I'm pretty sure that showed; the interviewers were certainly unimpressed. I know it's my fault... and I feel horrible. I really feel bad. I really do. This was a really big wake up call, especially because I feel like I haven't been taking going to university seriously.
I just... needed some place to rant, I guess. Sorry. I'm just... lost.
|
self.offmychest
|
Feeling suicidal due to guilt and depression following daughter's birth injury [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm 2 weeks & a half into a hypomanic episode And it's killing me. I just keep having random hookups to try and gain some control but I just lose control even more. The anxiety is building too. I wish I had a stable relationship. Hypersexuality is easier to manage within a stable relationship. Instead I have another hookup coming over and it's annoying. I just feel so empty and frustrated.
Anyone else going through a hypomanic episode?
|
self.bipolar
|
I got so angry earlier that i made my girlfriend cry. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I think I'm going to get depressed again. I can feel it already. I had no friends in high school. I was depressed.
I started college in september. Made one really fucking good friend. Just one. Turns out he has to go home now indefinitely because of family issues.
It's only been a couple of days and I can already feel the depression sinking in.
|
self.offmychest
|
I have two finals on Monday and I just spent all of today (Sat.) watching TV and YouTube and browsing Reddit Now I’m just going to go to bed and hope that I can cram enough information tomorrow so that I don’t fail. Yay me
|
self.depression
|
Do I up my dosage or move on to something else? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anxious, alone and annoyed - Christmas Comments So I've had an awful build up to Christmas. I wasn't really looking forward to it and as I got closer to today. I felt that I was becoming more disconnected with the people I tried to be closer to (friends and relatives).
The fact that I can't even stay frequently in contact with anyone, upsets me. It upsets me because of the isolation.
I get anxious with people who are unwilling to commit to staying in contact by either not initiating a conversation or returning messages.
This annoys me, and it annoys me more that I appear as if I'm not worth any one's time.
Yeah, of course I can't tell anyone what to do and I should move on. I should not place my hope on failed friendships.
The trouble is that I've used many opportunities to try and make new friends, I've exhausted all the means to try and find new people I have in common with, and moving on from my existing so-called 'friends' will take me back to Ground 0.
Ground 0 was where I was before 2017, I was isolated but comfortable with it. Now I'm depressed because I can see the state that my social life is in. (Not good).
I want to return to the way I was, I was able to be isolated and not worry about what other people thought about me.
Should I go back, or remain in Limbo.
|
self.depression
|
I’m dying here Can somebody drag me out of this depression? Show me that there is still somebody who cares out there...
|
self.depression
|
Please, just someone to talk to before I can't take it. [removed]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I wish therapy wasn't so expensive My husband and I work really hard to make a good life for our family. I have my own business and my spouse has a good job with good health benefits so he covers us and our 2 kids. The oldest (10m) is diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety and his doctor visits cost $69 per visit while his medication costs exceed $200 per month. We try to see his therapist twice a month if he is struggling, and he and I also work in his CBT workbook. I am going to be perfectly honest, but I need counciling just to handle the stress. We are constantly on alert, and I've started noticing myself slipping lately. For decades I have battled Chronic depression, OCD, and I have more intrusive thoughts than I care to admit. Exercise doesn't do anything to help stop the thought cycles and I'm already maxed out on my antidepressant doseage. I don't have any friends close enough to listen to me and I'm embarrassed about my situation. I need to talk and I can't afford to go because my son uses all of our mental health coverage for the 4 of us. My husband is my support, but I have to be strong because depression feeds itself in our house. Why does mental health have to be an expense in the first place? Fuck the US Healthcare system.
|
self.offmychest
|
What is life anymore I finally went on some meds and must say there's been an improvement. I rarely ever feel suicidal, I'm less angry, and I can sleep.
But.... I still feel fucking empty inside. I try to have a positive outlook but I always land back at "who am I fooling?"
I hate having to deal with people everyday, even though I feel lonely. I'm always so anxious I'll say the wrong thing, I hate casual talk, and mostly can't relate to anyone.
The thought that me, and everyone I love will grow old and die and that we will all be forgotten as if nothing happened saddens me.
All this hard work, fighting through life, dealing with bullshit everyday, dealing with people that are super rude everyday, and knowing that it will all be for nothing... saddens me.
All this just so you can have a big "well fuck you you're dead" at the end really bothers me.
I just don't know what to do. And I don't know what I want to do with my life :(
|
self.depression
|
I want to call a therapist, but I am having anxiety just trying to complete this task
I suffer from social anxiety that I am really making a point fix. So far I've tried buspirone (which helps for general anxiety, not social) and propranolo, both of which I take now. I've tried wellbutrin, which only made my anxiety worse and I am really trying to stay away from antidepressants which have a lot of side effects - although I see my doctor on Wednesday so I may ask about trying antidepressants which don't have any of the associated side effects.
Anyway, I've heard of many success stories with CBT and social anxiety, so my next step is to also try that out. I am having trouble contacting/finding therapist. A few months ago I was on psychologytoday.com and found a few who I might find helpful. I contacted them, yet heard nothing back. Then my drive to find a therapist just kind of faded away because of whatever reason. Now I am really making an effort to reach out - but I want to be successful doing it.
How do you guys recommend I find a therapist which specializes in social anxiety/CBT in my insurance network (Bluecross/Blueshield)? Also, how would I reach out to them? Email or by phone? How do I ask about inquiring therapy?
|
self.Anxiety
|
When you try as hard as you can, just to be put back in your place. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Everyone else problems are now mine. So i didnt realize that what i was going through was going to affect others. I have 3 older half siblings and they went through rough parenting cause of their father. The oldest was mistreated and abused. The 2nd oldest did not get attention by his father. The 3rd oldest was spoiled as fuck since he was like father like son(i think thats how the saying goes?). So i was a victim and had to suffer from the problems they went through. My mom got a dog that i hate so much i care for the dog and all but i hate it at times. When we first got the dog i would snap my fingers and beat the dog when the dog was going to do something i didnt like. When ever the dog was so happy to see me and wanted attention from me i would not give it. Then when we got cats i spoil the cats now. Im so concerned now about if i do have a kid will i treat it as i do to my animals or will i be better and treat it with the care and nurture it will need?
|
self.depression
|
I've already posted here about the same thing but my situation is still the same and I am at my absolute limit If anyone can help me, please read my past post I did in this sub. The only thing that's changed is they said they are processing my case now, but everyone else who got approved has told me it took at least 6 months to even be told a hearing date, and that it took other people 5 years. I'm only a year and a half in.
The thing that is killing me most at this point is the inability to be with anyone platonically or otherwise. As you can imagine I am desperate to touch someone. I need skin to skin contact. I need sex. I need to feel cared for. I cannot get out of the house to meet anyone let alone have an intimate relationship with someone.
Even if I tried to work at thjs point, it would take who knows how long to be able to get my own place. It would still just be waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting like with ssi, except I would have a meltdown because I can't handle any extra stress with my stepdad's abuse.
I have been daydreaming about taking every sleeping pill I can and being free. That's the only access i have to kill myself. I'm closer than ever to following through with it.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Sorry, Parents Sorry for being a mess
Sorry for not making you happy
Sorry for everything
Sorry for not being what you wanted me to be
|
self.offmychest
|
I dont know... i have no friends im judged because im pale and skinny and dont like sports im not a talkitive person and people at my school are bunch of douche bags and i just started cutting myself and i dont know whats next im not allowed t talk online or have a phone (on here secretly on my xbox) and they dont even let me leave the porch by myself and im 15 and i just want to die! i have no happiness in my life my parents slap me hard sometimes and because im skinny it really hurts and then they give me that oh i barely touched you crap. i want happiness...
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Got a job at a place for unwanted kids Technically a "rehabilitation" center.
It's a boarding school for rich teens. It's absurdly expensive and materially nice, but of course staying there is not fun. The kids aren't allowed to talk to each other, and half aren't even allowed to read books as punishment for some minor transgression, like turning on a light after 10 PM.
Listening to the kids talk, you can tell that most of them are there because their parents found an excuse to send them there- like they caught them with beer on their breath once, so they sent them here from another state for 1-3 years. Their parents are attorneys or even from Hollywood and would rather throw $15,000 at a facility than have to raise their kids thrmselves.
Unsurprisingly, most are there for either substance abuse or suicidality. The kids themselves will tell you that they're there because they felt nobody loved them- and then of course the therapists tell them that THEY'RE the crazy ones, the bad ones, the ones with behavioral problems...even though almost none are violent. Almost all of the violence is turned inwards to themselves. For the most part they are extremely kind and sensitive beings...the types that are prone to depression, and the type of personality that trauma will mold.
I'm glad I got this job because I get to actually maybe make some sort of impact by showing these kids the respect and concern they've been starved of their entire lives, but it's so rough because I experienced a similar childhood- minus the money. I see sadness in their eyes that I understand and the stories they tell me give me flashbacks. I don't know if I can handle it.
|
self.depression
|
Looking for an informational resource on how to deal with the BPD of a family I am looking for a subreddit or online website or informational resource that provides advice to family on how to deal with Bipolar Disorder of a family member.
|
self.bipolar
|
I cannot socialize I have 'OK' amount of friends. Not many close ones tho. i wanna socialize with more people, get to talk with more people. know their life, their past, their fear , their anxiety. But the problem which exists that I do not know what to respond at certain times, start a convo or even continue one. sometimes people say stuff and I respond with "ok" & "woah" . it is not like I have no interest in their life, i just do not know what to say or how to respond. I discussed this problem with a friend, and he simply said that you keep a wall between you and people who wanna interact with you and you tend to push people away, or turn em off simply with your words. you are arrogant in a way you don't know,
my question is, is there any way to make the conversations more interesting from my part? and how can I understand what people are feeling at a certain moment?
i am a undergrad now, this is bugging me a lot.
|
self.depression
|
Strict Parenting leads to a shitty child Growing up my parents were strict. Strict to the point where I lived in fear of them. I didn't know that parents actually showed affection to their kids, I didn't know that parents actually bought their kids toys and didn't call them spoiled brats all the time. I didn't know that parents didn't throw heavy objects at their children when they wanted them to shut up. I didn't know that children weren't supposed to sleep in the garage and that it wasn't normal for kids to get kicked out of their house with nothing but their pajamas in the middle of winter. This fear of my parents fucked me up more than anything in my life. I grew up seeing other kids with loving families and happy homes while I grew up with abuse and the regret of being alive. I'm going to hang myself soon, as a final fuck you to my parents for stealing my happiness. For taking away the light from my eyes and for ruining me to the point where I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm done with this life and everything in it. I know anything I do will be sabotaged by my parents anyways.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm a 37 year old father of One - Not Sure Specifically Why I Want to Die I want to die, but I'm too weak to do it. The reason I'm alive is because I make bullshit excuses why I should live. The older I get the more that I see the world is laughing at me, not with me. Here's the twist. I know at a certain level that shit is only in my head... But it's there... it's always in my head. And my friends don't say it, but i know they're tired of hearing it. No one comes to visit. No one cares about my feelings. I'm a whiny bitch as you can clearly see from this post.
Could anyone please just fix me or end it?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
A betraying friend, deception and pain. Please Help I am a boy, 15, 10th grade and in an international school in Hong Kong. I have been close friends with a person since 8th grade and recently an incident happened. Large amounts of ignoring from him just started to happen. I have a small social group of 4 friends, which is now split right in half with one friend backing up the other, and one friend backing me. I have no idea what happened but I suspect that it is about a girl he likes, and I have seen quite large behavioral changes in him for a few months. It went on for a few months as I tried to comprehend what's going on. Just before the school's winter break, I was in cambodia, on a school trip. We were doing community service, and after just some small thing he said, I threw a fit. My spanish teacher was quite understanding, saying that she had seen things like this happen before and could just be hormonal. It is now a month after school ended and I am stuck. What do I do now, i essentially have no school friends and no one in the grade i can relate to. Please help me.
|
self.depression
|
Tfw you talk about suicide and you get answered only with a hotline number that's not even the one for the country you line in
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I've lost one of my only friends, and the only person I had a chance to date, because of my anxiety and depression. im so much worse now. im honestly close to crying, which is a bad thing because I never cry.
|
self.depression
|
If you had to mention some bright aspects of depression, what would it be? Has it made you stronger, wiser, kinder etc.
Depression has made me a more calm and kinder person I hate to admit.
How about you?
|
self.depression
|
pregabalin use for anxiety in US? I'm currently prescribed 600mg of ngabapentin 5 times a day to control my anxiety, but it still breaks. I want to suggest Lyrica for it's bioavailability so I actually feel the medication working. is this proper to do? my doc and I have declared benzo treatment is off the table. so my main question is, is pregabalin prescribed ever in the us for off label treatment of anxiety, like it's older friend gabapentin? inb4 buspar. we don't get along.
|
self.Anxiety
|
When I'm hypomanic, I'm super fit and healthy and I lose weight (in the good way). When I'm depressed, I eat way too much junk food and gain a lot of bad weight. My psychiatrist suggested Naltrexone to help with that. Does anyone have any experience? It's getting really bad, I gained 40 pounds during a six month depression bout. Embarrassing problem. I try to not use depression as an excuse, because I know that it is ultimately a lifestyle choice, but I do wonder if this medication will help give me a bit more strength and resistance.
|
self.bipolar
|
I took my first solid poop in months. It was magical. I forgot the feeling of "Oh there's poop at the exit, I should go sit on the toilet sometime in the near future" instead of "HOLY SHIT GET TO A BATHROOM RIGHT NOW OR YOU'RE GOING TO FERTILIZE YOUR BOOTS!"
I hope it stays this way 😥
|
self.offmychest
|
Put my head in the noose but I just couldn't follow through with it [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Accepting my breakdown, trying to control it. I got two new tattoos on new years, had one done several years ago. Gonna get at least one more in less than 2 weeks for my birthday. Haven't decided where. Dyed my hair very slightly different. Thinking of a dramatic color change (my hair is dark brown, currently slightly red bottom half, thinking of going blonde despite serious concern about bleaching). Also thinking about a nose piercing.
Concerned in the back of my mind because I want to be a teacher and I will have at least one tattoo very visibly on my forearm. Convincing myself stigma isn't as bad, especially because it's a positive quote and not at all inappropriate.
Breakdown started last year. Total repeat of my first attempt at college -- got super depressed, mixed episodes, failed so horribly. But now I'm out of financial aid, have to pay my huge balance plus an extra semester due to failing literally every class (well 2 are incompletes), stuck in a retail job I hate with no chance of getting a job in my field while I figure out finances due to my unimaginable 1.9 GPA (always been a fairly good student).
The first time I dropped out I went full out crazy, heavy drinking, risky sex, almost started taking pills before friend intervention. This time around I can feel that craving so trying to channel my urge for self destruction into "regular" breakdown choices lol. I know if I fight it I'll spiral like I did last time so I need SOME kind of big-risk/big-reward shit. I'm at least legitimately medicated this time which is probably the only reason I haven't just killed myself to be rid of everything (came close a couple months ago) but without free services at school I can't afford a psychiatrist (my school doc gave me a prescription for 6 months of refills and said clinics will generally refill lamictal without a prescription if you show them you're on it).
Idk. Any suggestions for ways I can be crazy without risking my life? What color should I dye my hair? (It's curly, shoulder length, my complexion is tan-ish)
|
self.bipolar
|
How do you deal with your own partner making you feel worthless [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
My best friend died two days ago, the day before his 22nd Birthday, same week 2 years after his father passed, and I didn’t get the chance to see him since the fall semester began. That’s pretty much the long-short of it. I’ve been away at school for the last 3 months, and this is the first I’ve returned home. Luckily I spoke with him briefly this past week, I don’t know what I’d do if I hadn’t, but I’m still just an absolute wreck. I’ve never lost someone close to me before, I never could have imagined it being quite like this. He was the majority of the reason I ever came home from school in the first place, stopping at his house before even making it to my own. I’m just at a loss for words, I don’t know where to go from here.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone have any tips for getting over work anxiety? I get physically ill from it and I just want to keep a job and make my husband proud so any help is appreciated!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Today I Learned that my mother probably has cancer. I don't know how to feel. As the title says...
She's had problems with her lungs for a while, coughing and such. But last week it got so bad she had to go to the hospital because of it. She finally came home today, a week later. And they're pretty sure it's cancer.
Weird thing is, they're not entirely sure what it is exactly. They know there's a tumor, but they think there's something else too that they can't figure out what it is.
I'm 23 years old myself and I have depression. Have had it for a few years now... It's been really bad since about august this year, thoughts of suicide, *plans* even, and hopelessness about life in general... Broke up with my selfish and unsupportive girlfriend of 6 years who is the reason for a lot of shit in my life. Probably the best decision I've made in years, but I'm still miserable because of it... I go to therapy and I've got the best and most supportive friends one could ever ask for... My dad is a piece of shit and I barely ever see him anymore, but my mother is the best god damn person I know in the whole world. Without her support, I don't know if I'd still be alive today.
I don't know what to do if she doesn't make it. Her lifestyle isn't the healthiest and she doesn't excercise much, but I'm going to help her as best I can with that (as long as the doctors are ok with it. I'm not sure what she should and shouldn't do to get better). Maybe I'm being naive but, hell, it might even get me out of my depression to help her out too, who knows? She's got great doctors. The best in the whole of Sweden, apparently. Experts on lungs, specifically. So she seems to be in pretty good hands...
... But the thought of her being gone... Fuck, I don't know if I could take it.
Thanks for reading. I hope you're all healthy and happy.
|
self.offmychest
|
Poly and bipolar Our girlfriend is the only person ive been with that ive bounced between i love you and i dont like you and i dont understand it. I dont quite understand it myself. Sometimes were a circle and sometimes were a triangle. Sometimes we all work together and sometimes we work against each other.
Ive told them before. Him and i individually is great. And she and i individually is great. But when were all together, sometimes its great and sometimes its not. And i feel bad about it. Like sometimes it drives me up the wall when theyre intimate. Maybe I'm just insecure.
I compare myself to her a lot. Shes older and is a teacher and im the youngest and still dont have a direction in life. And no matter how many times he tells me he wont run off with her, i still feel insignificant sometimes.
I dont want to be the one to ruin their happiness. I want to keep trying. It kind of bugs me that people ask if shes the fiance instead of me. And they have this wild passion because they only see each other on tje weekends that him and i dont have. I guess im jealous. But i dont know how to handle it.
Weve talked about it and this monster in me still comes out and im not sure how to handle it. Having her around makes me want to be alone sometimes. Like. He can run off with "the better one" who isnt bipolar. I dont feel like i can be myself with him when shes around because she needs her time too. Being poly is the most complicated relationship ever.
Its also frustrating i cant be treated normally. Theyve both talked about being worried about triggering me and it makes me feel worse about myself. Like eventually one or both will get tired of me. Im in the mood of pushing people away. I dont want to be emotional around them. I just bottle it all up. And handle it on my own.
Weve all been together a little over a year. I think at this point it'd be super unfair of me to say im having issues. I wouldn't want to be the one to break them up. Id feel like a selfish jerk.
I feel super distant lately. I did start taking depakote earlier this week. I haven't told them.
Definitely in some kind of mood today. Im scared i break everything i touch. I dont see my therapist until the 6th. And when i do, im gonna word vomit. Anybody feel like such a mess that you want to run away and start over even though you love the people in your life? You just wish they didn't know you had problems. I think im trying to be a rock lately.
|
self.bipolar
|
i think its time to really end it i have a dead end job that requires no thinking, a useless college degree (Animation, how stupid), no friends and no romantic interests. I hate the way i look and cant picture myself ever being happy.
I think about ending it constantly, even with upping the dose of my meds. i can't live in misery any longer it feels like an eternity even though im only 22.
im so stuck in my current life situation i feel like the only way out is death :/
I want to get into graphic design but its too late. i have a useless college degree instead and no drive to make my own design portfolio. not like anyone would hire me without the degree anyway so whats the point
|
self.bipolar
|
I try and try and try and I feel like it's all for nothing [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Morning guys. Checking in Mom's surgery is in an hour or so. She is really worried about it. I'm being her rock. Well wishes needed..... Check my post history for a much deeper story. Not sure if u/InfiniteWaters108 is up yet
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Sometimes I just want to cry mom, don’t tell me to “calm down”. Telling me to “calm down” just makes my depression and anxiety worse. I was set off by sirens earlier today, trying to chill and you wanting to hug me even though I told you I just wanted some space.
You talking to me about career path ideas right now when I’m in a negative headspace does not help me. Talk to me about light hearted shit.
You know going to Austria is a dream of mine. No, I don’t want to go in debt to you with money because you bring it up every fucking minute that I asked you for money when I was abroad last time and needed help. I don’t want to hear about how my sister is going to go with my grandmother to Austria and go to a family reunion because that has been a goal of mine for years and I don’t even want to go with my sister because she micromanages me every single time I’m around her.
Sorry I’m incredibly frustrated at myself and just want to curl up and not deal with anyone.
|
self.depression
|
I feel lost. I been taking Lithium and it's helped with my impulses a lot but I feel no sexual desire what so ever or even think about sex. I also feel like I'm vibrating sometimes, it really weird. I drink a ton of water so I kinda have no idea what it could be. I'm seeing my doctor Thursday and I feel like I need to tell her this isn't for me. I'm really disappointed because I wanted this to work for me...
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm homesick and can't even admit it to anyone [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Need some advice!!! Bad news has made things worse!!! [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
I dont belong here, its all too overwhelming. More and more I get the feeling its all just one big mistake. I was diagnosed with dependent personality disorder. It literally means I always need the feeling of safety. I need someone to be there for me. It was my mum for a big part of my life, and my youth was full of anxiety of losing her. It took obsessive forms, I basically stalked her till she got home from work. My biggest fear became reality 3 yrs ago, she passed away (cancer). I had a relationship with this girl for 5 yrs and she was always there for me, after my mum died as well. We broke up because I got too much anxiety and known for people with dependent personality disorder I immediately replaced this girl with another girl, just like I 'replaced' my mom with my girlfriend. The thought of being alone makes me sick, gives me panic and drives me crazy. I tried going back to my girlfriend (Z) and breaking up with this new girl (L)... I broke up with L and had a panic attack, immediately restoring it and told her I was sorry, I tried to back away from Z again, which made me panic and broke up with L again, which made me panic and restored it for the second time(!). I'm not a player, I respect everyone but dragging people into my fears makes me lose my shit even more. The current situation is that I'm with L but can't get away from Z, my ex from 5 yrs.
the sad story is that with Z I want to be with L, and with L I want to be with Z, just because I dont want to be alone. Life is killing me, I wake up everyday with the feeling I can't keep up anymore. I can't be alone, or have the thought of being alone. The thought of me going to the supermarket without someone 'knowing' that I do kills me, this whole disorder is slowly killing me from the inside. I can't escape, I destroy people, I dont want this anymore. My psychatrist doesn't know what to do, I dont know either. I'm scared nobody will ever ''get'' my weird fears, and everyone will leave me.
|
self.depression
|
I want to end my life I dont understand why life is so boring and empty and predictable.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone have experience with a Nurse Practitioner? Hi!
I was recently referred by my family doctor to my local hospital for outpatient services so I could see a psychiatrist to adjust/change/add medications since I think he doesn’t feel comfortable doing it himself. The reason for this is I am taking 60mg of Latuda and I still occasionally get really bad periods of depressions with suicidal thoughts.
So this morning I had an over the phone appointment with the hospital where they screened me and then the lady said since I wasn’t in crisis it wasn’t appropriate for me to receive care from the hospital. Apparently ALL outpatient services are for people currently in crisis. So she referred me to a clinic run by a nurse practitioner where they deal with medications. My question is does anyone have any experience with a nurse practitioner adjusting medications? I’m scared that since it’s not a psychiatrist they might do something wrong and it’ll just lead to my downfall
Any advice?
|
self.bipolar
|
Surviving the holidays with family Hi guys. I’ve never posted on reddit before but I really need some advice. I have bipolar and have been diagnosed for about 5 years now. Reasonably well managed with meds and overall I’m pretty good. But with the holidays fast approaching, im about to be surrounded by my biggest trigger-my family. Mum is also bipolar, sister has some emotional regulatory disorder and my husband is pretty cool calm and collected. But my sister, Mum and I clash and I can go from zero to a hundred real quick. For me that is violent, angry outbursts with self harming thrown in for good measure.
Does anyone have any tips to keep me healthy over the next week? They are staying with me as they are travelling from overseas to be with me so I fear I will have no escape.
|
self.bipolar
|
dropped back into a depression, feels like i️ travelled back in time anyone else feel like this?
about this time a year ago i️ went through a very rough patch due to depression, and it was one of the lowest points in my life. i️ slowly but surely started to get better, or rather, more numb. eventually i️ was ok. not happy, but i️ could function fine. fast forward to today and i️ suddenly dropped back into my depressed mindset. it’s as though i️ just woke up from a year long sleep, like i’d been going through some fugue state. it’s weird and scary but also familiar and comfortable in the worst ways. i️ feel so awful but life also feels more real than it has in the past year. i️m suddenly remembering all of my regrets and aspirations and relationships that i️ had just pushed down and suppressed and it’s awful but also it feels like i’ve found a missing part of myself?
this is ramble-y and i️ don’t know if it makes any sense but i️ just wanted to put it out there.
|
self.depression
|
How do I find friends? I burned my house down when I was 17. I spent a month in an inpatient facility. I still live with my parents now that I'm 22 even tho I took their home from them. I don't want to be in therapy anymore because I feel it further cultivated a victim complex in me and made my health (mental and physical) worse. I think everyone from highschool knows about what I did because a girl who lived next to me told everyone. I live in a backward area and all anyone cares about is white middle class bullshit. I want to move out but my parents don't think I'm capable and tell me that I'll have to live in the ghetto and I'll get murdered or raped. I got two new jobs making like $10 an hour ($7.25 is minimum where I live) I want friends but I either feel like they don't want to be around me/make an effort, they're assholes, or we don't share similar values or interests. I'm also ashamed of who I am and my hobbies. (I have wierd fetishes, one my ambitions is literally to become a slash fiction writer for a kpop group.) I would legit be friends with someone online but I'm even afraid to talk to someone online because they'll think I'm weird and I don't know how to talk to people. I don't know the proper etiquette online even if I lurk for like 1000000 years. Legit if anyone wants to message me rn I'll be your friend. I'm a good listener but I just need someone who's open minded and doesn't have a victim complex and wants to get better.
|
self.depression
|
Why didn't I die back then? It's been about two weeks now since my last attempt(s) and I still wish that I would have ended it. Things are just harder for everyone around me and nothing's changed/gotten better. Even though I continue to wish I would have died that night I don't think I feel suicidal now, if that's possible... I am not good enough in life and I wasn't worthy of death, what else is there to even continue towards in life?
|
self.depression
|
Did anyone else lay awake, wide eyed and in bed (or somewhere) all night in total darkness? Layed in bed for like 7-8 hours not even trying to fall asleep. Can't tell if I was depressed or bored. I didn't even scroll through Twitter or my Reddit feed on my phone like usual. I can't even remember what I was thinking about too. 😕
|
self.bipolar
|
I find myself talking back to me in second person sometimes It's usually bad things about being worthless or whatnot
|
self.depression
|
anxiety out of control and i'm scared I've had anxiety since for as long as I can remember, probably beginning when I was only about 4 years old. I have some periods of times where it's very intense for weeks or months and sometimes where I don't even remember being worried about anything at all. For the last 2 months, but more in the last two weeks, I have just been filled with anxiety all day everyday.
I'm not really sure what is triggering this to happen to me. I can't stop thinking about things that make me panic or sometimes it's not anything at all. It makes me unable to move and breathe and I can't remember where I am sometimes. I also feel disassociation which I only recently discovered was an actual thing. I don't feel real. In my real fits of anxiety I can't even recognize myself in the mirror. Everything seems fake and it seems like I've turned into a completely different person. I don't know truly who anyone ever is anymore.
I can't control my anxiety or whatever else is along with it anymore and I'm scared. It worries me. I don't know what's wrong. Nothing has happened to me for me to feel this way. My dad passed what will be five years December 7th and I recently went through a breakup in January with my ex of five years. I don't know if this has anything to do with it but I can't keep going on with my life like this. I went to a crisis center on Wednesday and I am seeing a psychiatrist and therapist for the first time in my life but they can't get me in till January.
I need help and I am scared. I don't have friends to talk to. I want to feel normal.
|
self.Anxiety
|
It's been two years. I have new friends who care about me now, and I care about them. I've worked hard on improving myself, and my hard work is finally paying off. I'm in a stable, happy, and loving relationship. I finally feel like things are falling into place, but it's been two years and I still miss my former best friend. We were both awful to each other at the end, me especially though.. I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't give a shit. I wish it was easy to forget about people you care about, but it's not. I still care.
|
self.offmychest
|
Parents only talk to me to ask about school or graduate school applications [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
"moving is easy! Don't worry about paying for the place or ensuring you have the ability to afford it!!! Just go!!!!1!" Yeah, sure, I'll get right on that
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Does your maniac episodes get more aggressiv over time? Hey guys!
Im 19 years old, female and got diagnosed a bit more then a year ago. Because of my weird sleeping habits it was no big suprise for me that somethings odd. Well since my diagnosis i started analysing my episodes (i had a few months depression, till some mixed up anxiety months hit me, depression again and now im maniac for a few months.) and i noticed that my maniac phases start off very happy and joyable. I spent loads of money for others, im sweet and nice and sociable everyone i talk to i love but i also love myself and everythings great. Love love love. Then somethings weird happens. I start putting people down, get easily annoyd i start to think im better then others and i get into fights easily. I get very greedy with my money and spend it only for myself and i sleep less then normal. Im into some weird kind of fight mode where everything pisses me off and im making fun of others and provocate everyone as its fun. Plus i start needing a lot of sex which makes me kind of reckless as i start hurting feelings to get what i want. (Someone has feelings for me - i dont - why not make out anyways weeell) i know i cant have a relationship as i dont want to cheat but in a phase like that it would be almost impossible i guess (never cheated befor as i always ended rs at this point) its weird. How do you feel with that? Do your phases get more and more aggressive to or are they all the same? how are your maniac phases?
- Greetings from me :)
|
self.bipolar
|
Any cool app/game/movie to calm anxiety? Send it all to me.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don’t want to break up We’ve gone to sleep mad at each other for the past three days. Today, after another dumb argument, I impusively said I didn’t want to live with you anymore. I still love you, and I want things to work out. I wish things were different. Now you won’t speak to me, which is justified. I don’t know where to go from here.
|
self.offmychest
|
I’ve noticed that my feelings towards my life are kind of different. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Death spiral (trigger warning) Well, im in the death spiral again. Deeper than ever this time, interestingly enough its after being diagnosed and a couple years of therapy. Everyone thought I was better. I moved home, got out of a toxic relationship, started a good diet, working out making a few bucks thrifting this and that and selling online. See an advertisement for dream job. Apply for dream job and get it. Everything is great. Start ramping up mania...start masking it... Buy a 22k car...loose touch with reality and lie to everyone. Family, friends all celebrate my success. Wow, you're doing so well, making so much and you have a new car, good job!! Falling apart at work, being weird, making weird demands, being unrealistic, delusional grand thinking...think I'm better than the job, tell employer they suck and dont get it (all this time I start having promiscuous sex) loose job, lie to friends and family, still manic, buy tons and tons of shit, apply for credit cards, start drinking and getting wasted taking drugs...depression hits of course. CRASH. depressed as fuck, energy gone, money gone, family and friends still think I'm employed and doing well, getting up at 8 am everyday leaving the house like I'm going to work, sleep in car all day, getting dark at 5pm now and getting cold, its cold in my car, almost out of money, no one knows still, bought a storage unit to store my office stuff at so no one knows I've lost my job, car payments hit, insurance hits, buy a shotgun put it in storage unit with ammo, write goodbye letter, tell family I have a big work trip coming up, give away stuff to friends (they think I'm just rich and don't need things anymore) almost down to last dollar, at a bar getting wasted again and going to pass out in new 22k car, before money is out road trip to make work trip seem real, end of money-end of the line shotgun to the head.
I'm in a death spiral. Yes my meds are fucked up, no I lost my therapist months ago...I dont have the energy to do this again. FML
|
self.bipolar
|
Medication Question Hey everyone, I have been dealing with anxiety for the last two years. I was first prescribed Zoloft and it didn't work for me. Today I went back to the doctor to see what's the next step would be and I was prescribed Amitriptyline. My anxiety seems to hit my stomach hard. I don't eat for days and vomit almost everytime my anxiety hits.
Has anyone tried Amitriptyline?
Does it actually help with the stomach issue?
Thanks everyone!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I want a girlfriend. I don’t know why but I sometimes feel if I had a girlfriend I’d be more happy. If I can’t love myself at least someone could love me despite the ugly piece of mess I am.
|
self.depression
|
new years just changed and i got more depressed than ever 2017 was too fast and it makes me so anxious about thinking it, i feel like a loser and it makes me wanna cry. I want to change, change for the best.... but i want to believe and wish 2018 will be a better year for everyone...i wish to everyone here happy new years for every time zone, lets all hope for a nice 2018.
|
self.depression
|
Surviving How do I survive my senior year of high school without fucking killing myself. Friends suck, girls suck, academics suck, everything makes me want to die. Is this what life is... or does it get better?
|
self.depression
|
Everytime I try to do something... It's interrupted. It's mis-timed. It's not meeting up to some self-standard.
It seems like everything I fucking do, there's a great chance of it being derailed and I'm so tired of it. Like today, I wanted to do a stream of a game because I'm new to streaming and I want to do some projects on there. 25 minutes in, when I was intending for an hour's worth, I hear a rapping of knocks on the door of our apartment and it's the bug people. I've forgotten about them. So, my roommate's stupid dog starts barking her head off and she's one of those dogs who can take a good hour on shutting up.
Pausing the game mid-stream, thought I had no time to get shorts on and worried about making them wait. So I open up the door to let them in, presenting myself in boxers/shirt on (lovely...). Meanwhile, I had to tend to the dogs because they have a habit of being so fixated on people and barking at them/being nosy. While they're off changing filters and such.
They leave after about 7 minutes and the roomie's dog just kept barking and barking. It was shaking me up and she listens to the roommate more than me. So, of course it was a struggle to even get her to listen. I had to trick her with a treat to get her into her cage because she just wouldn't stop. Even then in her cage, she barked on for a couple times.
Stream ruined, I'm too shaken/irritated/upset to resume or restart. There was someone I was talking to who hasn't responded in an hour so I assume he either passed out without telling me or doing something else without the courtesy of telling me. I'm trying to enjoy what little of freedom time I have before work and training starts next week and this shit happens.
And yet I'm discouraged from doing things. Story of my damn life.
|
self.depression
|
Just posting to vent a bit I feel like im just worthless nobody will care if im gone sometime i get the urge to just take a rope and go out for a final walk i just found out my mother been cheating on my dad for many years she doesnt even try to hide the fact she does it mean while my dad off in another country working his ass off to pay for her and my little brothers living expenses i work in a dead end job were a barely make money to sustain a bad lifestyle im in a relacionship now for e yeae and i still dont know if she loves me all the affection shes ever given to me was because i ask i dont have peace at mind at my own home anymore every thing is just so lound i just want it to end i sometimes daydream on how i can end it i see a good tree and say hey mabye here or mabye if i find a gun that'll be quick o mabye some strong medication but were will i find it .im not a memorable person when im gone no one will remeber me i never stood out never had any talents never was special in any way just that there something keeping me here i still cant figure it out there always that point where ive decided im doimg it then out of the blue something just takes the burden for a bit and i decide to stay last night i did go for a walk had the rope and everything i was there when i decided to stop by the beach i just sat there and watch listened i stayed therw for 8 hours just listening i got up and went home. Mabye ill stick around for a bit more mabye i wont really cant decide
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Do I just play the victim? Just a heads up, this is really ranty, I do apologize, but I need to vent a little bit. I need guidance as well, so hang in there please!
So, I was on myfitnesspal forums, and I had an incident as I would call it. I expressed my experiences and lifestyle (health related) in contextual response to someones question. Other people started responding, questioning the legitimacy of some of my health issues, implying I might be making it up. Some disagreed with my doctor, claiming their opinions were the right ones instead. Others just flat out told me my lifestyle was wrong, and I should do theirs instead. When I stated that is their opinion and I found it rude, saying they didn't have to be a dick about it, my posts were deleted and I was issued a warning. The posts that quoted my now deleted posts, and the arguments and instigations were left untouched, it was just me the moderators punished.
Now, in my eyes, I feel like I was attacked and bullied, and the bullies were allowed to get away with it. I'm starting to question if what I take as being defensive, others take as me being aggressive. I'm sitting here feeling like the forums are toxic, and I was wrongly punished when the others should have been. But this has happened so many times in so many matters both online and off, that I'm wondering if my mind is jaded in some way and I'm just trying to be a victim. I genuinely don't think I am, but do other people with anxiety problems run into similar issues? How do you deal with it? Or am I just crazy? :(
|
self.Anxiety
|
Heart palpitations Can’t stop having heart palpitations and chest tightness. Even when laying in bed at night. I try to keep my mind on things that don’t stress me out, but it doesn’t work, and everything stresses me out anyway. I used to turn to exercise/cardio for managing my anxiety, but even that doesn’t interest me lately. All I want to do is lay around and eat ugh.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I wish I was never born I've been crying silently on and off since I got home. After almost a week of normalcy I had one bad day and all of a sudden I want to die, it wasn't even all that bad and I'm 100% overreacting but I can't shake the feeling that everyone hates me so I've been researching the easiest method to die. Lol you know how it goes.
|
self.depression
|
How is for a guy to be in a relationship with depression [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
fuck fuck help me. fuck. posted this on 2 subs but nothing
oday i took an hiv test as a routine and the anxiety is killing me right now, I'd managed to control it because today morining i took 4 mg of clonazepam and i just took 4 more and 5 mg of clotiazepam. I'm depressed, I'm scared, I chased it with booze. i'm pathetic, i'm pathetic, i'm pathetic.
edit: i have 4,5 more clonazepam and i don't want to take them but also i really do want to get knocked the fucked out.
I want to end it all, I wanna take more and more and more and just disappear. I'm nothing. I felt so good today morning, and probably will feel good later if I don't pass out from this. FUCK EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEEEE
i'm in fucking tears crying and screaming hitting the walls i lost control i don't know what happened fuck deprssion nfjnkldsm
edit: took 2.5mg more clonazepam help me i've taken so mcuh i know this won't kill me maybe i don't know what to do im fucking lost in this world
|
self.depression
|
I think I was raped I was meant to be staying at theirs for a party. When I arrived it was only us and their two friends. They gave me a lot of drink that I'd never had before and drugs I'd never had before. I don't remember what happened next. I woke up the next day in their bed naked with empty condom wrappers on the floor.
This was four years ago and it still bothers me people can do this to each other.
(I won't be going to the police i just needed to tell someone)
|
self.offmychest
|
Surrounded by millions but all alone I am sourounded by people everyday but am so alone. I live in Austin where I am addicted and brain damaged. Please write me your taste in music, movies, or any distractions you like. I'll write you back. Let me distract you or maybe you'll distract me.
|
self.depression
|
Can you rapid cycle within a single day? I'm a waitress at a restaurant, and this morning I had a table of three ladies that were the worst. Nothing was right, sent back food, yelled at me, no tip. I deal with tables like that a lot, but they sent me spiraling real quick into a panic attack and I felt really depressed and went nonverbal basically.
But then I was talking with my coworker and I started feeling much better about two hours later, and now I'm all over the place cleaning and getting projects done around the restaurant.
I've dealt with rapid cycling before, but never quite like this?
|
self.bipolar
|
I hate when my anxiety kicks in at the same time as my sadness. It gets so lonely.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm the worst daughter that could ever exist I'm so lucky to have the mother I have. She's loving, caring and understanding and I can tell her everything, and still, I always find a way to fuck that up too.
The problem is my dog it's old and he pees everyday in the kitchen during the night. It has been like this for over two years now, and my mom is really tired of cleaning every morning, having also her regular job with kids and cleaning two houses a week. Today, when I woke up, she was crying, saying she was really tired of this. I went to take the mop to do it myself but she wouldn't let me, so I took it off of her by force and I think that was the gesture that made her really break down.
I felt horrible after that, and I though that maybe I was too rude and she saw that I was upset by the fact that I had to clean the dog's mess.
I tend to do that, I get upset and rude because I have to help cleaning, but it's something that I can't control and when I notice how I'm behaving I feel horrible, because it makes me feel selfish and a bad person. And then, when I want to say sorry, I've already fucked up big time. But then she forgives me, and then I do it all over again.
How do I dare to hurt the person I love most in this world??? How can I be that selfish, when she gives everything she has for me? How can I be like this when she suffers every week for me?
This is what makes me have suicidal thoughts, I usually am a really happy person, but when I disappoint her like this, I just want to die and disappear form her life. But I can't do that, I would destroy her completely. She told me her life wouldn't have a meaning if I wasn't there, that losing a child is the worst that could happen to anyone.
I don't know what's the point on writing this but I needed to let it all out and write this somewhere.
|
self.depression
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.