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Consumed by constant fear i'll get sick 2017 has been a tough one. I've been constantly concerned that I am developing a disease or will get sick or injured in the future. It started out small, and then recently progressed to a debilitating fear I had colorectal cancer, and I had the symptoms to match (or so I thought). I got a colonoscopy which showed nothing wrong in the colon. They found some inflammation and after a bit of googling, I'm now terrified I have Crohn's disease. I don't even have the hallmark symptoms of it, but I'm absolutely mortified that's what I have. In a way, I'm even more terrified of this than my previous fear because this would be something I would suffer with for life. I have literally no reason to be alarmed other than from my own symptom googling. When I left the colonoscopy, the GI doctor himself didn't look concerned, just said we took a few biopsies to rule things out but everything appears fine. I haven't felt really great in the Gi tract for a long while but I don't feel any worse (in fact I actually feel somewhat better). This terrible "what if" feeling in terms of diseases is just consuming me. I'm at a loss, I don't know what to do. It's so overwhelming that I can't even go out with friends and go to classes without it constantly weighing on my mind and killing any good thoughts in my head. Really its just helpful to vent, but if anyone has similar health anxiety, how do you distract yourself? How do you tell yourself to relax and breathe deep and realize there's a good chance you're going to be a-ok?
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self.Anxiety
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Is Freud correct? Sigmund freud conclusively proved that the subconscious is a powerful force that can dictate many of our actions and apprehensions without consulting our conscious mind. He wrote in length about how people use the word "forget" to describe premeditated acts of resistance to doing or remembering certain things. The fact that our subconscious can be a powerful force in how we perceive the world it explains why it is so easy for a person to be irrational with themselves.
Considering this it is logical to conclude that the role of the subconscious is what propagates most mental illness. Because mental illness is both within our control and something we cannot necessarily control.
Once you admit that the subconscious plays the main role you must now better understand it in order to heal yourself. Repression of thoughts and memories is the number one factor that causes an imbalance in your subconscious. To task your mind with storing information that it cannot ever reveal can harm yourself hence why people use terms like a heavy weight has been lifted and secrets come at a dire price. The same applies to information you repress by knowing to be true but yet not will to admit or tolerate and say them out loud. Eventually if these problems compound it can create unhealthy and harmful compulsions ie. Excessive masturbation, ocd tendencies and anxiety (removing yourself from social life)all to try to relieve the built up stress that these repressions have created.
Freuds solution- To remove these repressions by for the first time in your life telling someone (psychoanalyst) all the things that you have repressed until now. This can include sexual fantasies your mind scolded you for having, evil thoughts you have had about relatives or other people and all other thoughts that until now were repressed and weighed you down. Now people who suffer from anxiety talk about how they feel but will never discuss deeper thoughts that they have which causes them more issues because not only are they not addressing the underlying repressions but are creating a whole new layer of denial and repression.
I have had a lot of push back in my real life suggesting such ideas because to agree with me you will have to admit you think things which are immoral or "dangerous" enough to repress so i think this field has been ignored because of this.
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self.Anxiety
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i'm going to get better hi i don't know if this is the right place to post this but i don't really have any close friends to tell. i'll try to make this short but i talk a lot
long story short in elementary school i started cutting myself, having suicidal thoughts, all the way until now (i'm 18). i got diagnosed with anxiety and depression and an eating disorder last year when i went to get help, so i started taking prozac and went to two different therapists and psychiatrists. i felt a little better, but i didn't feel all the way better and i still don't.
i work with young kids as a part-time job and last night i just had a panic attack in front of a few of my co-workers. i couldn't control my breathing or my shaking or my crying. i left and didn't tell them why, but it was because sometimes seeing sad kids makes me cry. because what if they are secretly suicidal like i was their age and still am? or dealing with an eating disorder? or something.
for some reason last night after that mess i lost all hope. i made a suicide note to my parents, went to the walgreens next door to buy some pills (i was actually crying when i bought the pills but the cashier didn't acknowledge it), and just cried in my car for two hours outside my work. i felt like i made everyone sad and i was a failure who didn't deserve to live because i am so miserable
so when i'm sad i like to take long drives. so i took the super super SUPER long way home around 6pm. i didn't feel well. i screamed "I JUST WANT A FUCKING SIGN" and then when i pulled up to the next stoplight, a woman, her husband/boyfriend, and their baby girl walked in front of me on the crosswalk and smiled. i smiled back.
my biggest dream is to be a mother. and that sounds kind of stupid, i guess, but that's why i work with kids. anyways i took that "sign" as just a stupid coincidence so a few minutes later i decided to pull into my old elementary school park and just sit there. then, i turned on the radio for the first time that night to my favorite station and heard this song i never heard before by dashboard confessional and the lyrics were this: "And there's still a kid
Somewhere // That needs to hear this // That somebody cares // That somebody knows // Who's tired of bleeding // And battered // And being torn up // Just pick yourself up // It's time to go"
basically i was like wtf. okay. toughen up, bitch. i drove away from the park, a little... spooked? i don't know what the word is. and i basically said something to myself like "who the fuck cares, dashboard confessional"
and AGAIN i stop at the last stop sign just before my house and a different couple with their baby walks by.
then i realized that i care.
this is really cheesy sounding i guess but i realized that i don't want to DIE, but i'm having trouble living. my therapist is not the right match for me, specifically, so instead of feeling like an idiot because i feel like a trained professional can't help me, i think i'm going to ask my parents to find someone new. it's not my therapist's fault or my fault, i realized, it's just to do what's best for me i have to find someone who can really really help me
yeah sorry that was long i just wanted to get that out really badly
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self.SuicideWatch
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How do you get access to mental health services in Canada? Looking for participants who are living or lived with a mental health condition to share your experience.
Survey link: https://muriel21.typeform.com/to/Vabufl
This will help me help you make a better and improved experience :)
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self.bipolar
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Abilify sedation will it go away? I went from 10 mg to 15 mg and am so tired now. Im taking it for a week now do I need to give it longer? Any expierences?
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self.bipolar
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Is it a good idea to tell my GF I'm Suicidal [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I love her but to forget her i pretend like i hate her It was this girl I fell in love lately, she was full of grace and radiance and kind towards me. Naturally I developed feelings for her. But she was not ready for relationship but still remained friend with me. But my desire for her grew day by day. To get her out of my mind I started to ignore her. She tried to normalize relationship by initiate conversion as I continue ignoring her she too giveup. No we don't speak to each other and turn our faces when we bump in to each other
Its hard still it is necessary to get her out my mind hope I will be over her very soon.
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self.offmychest
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"Try to develop some hobbies". I would, if everything didn't depress me to death. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Want seriously end it all. I’ve just had enough of life. I feel numb. I’ve got no real friends and I’m lonely and I’m just a failure to everybody in my life. I think it would be better for me to hang myself nobody would really care anyways.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Friend is suicidal, need help and advice Hello, I need help and advice on how to deal with this, I have no experience and I am completely out of my element.
My friend called me last night crying with suicidal thoughts. I went over to her house and checked up on her. She had written up a suicide letter. She also told me this isn't the first time it's gotten this bad, and she has attempted at least once.
By her own admission, she believes something is wrong in her head, and she's aware of it. Overall, life and work are going pretty well for her and she's not sad about anything specifically.
I'm doing the best I can to keep an eye on her, but I am in no way equipped/trained to deal with this. I believe she needs to see a professional. She agrees and is willing to get help, but neither of us know where to go from here. She doesn't have insurance, we live in the Los Angeles area. I can help out a little bit with doctors fees.
What do I do?!
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone ever have there SO push them away from depression to have them come back and continue to have a relationship? I’m in this situation now, and I want her back, but I want her to be happy with herself, and be able to deal with her depression even on the hardest days.
Just didn’t know if anyone else was ever in this situation.
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self.depression
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Anyone know of any legal way to get antidepressants without seeing a psychiatrist? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Scared for my life, for your life Sorry this is kind of long and a bit weird because I wrote it as it ahppend on my phone. I wrote it like it was happening right now but its not anymore
Ok so my family and i often have arguments but it got really bad earlier. we were going to go to a store and then out to eat because my mom was really hungry and I wasnt. Things changed though and eventually my mom wanted to go to a restaurant right away. I said they could go but i wasn’t hungry but itgot worse. It lasted around twenty minutes and i only yelled a few times but nothing was good enough. well i got really mad because my mom keeps saying i have an earing disorder and we are on vacation and my mom says i ruin everything so i said fine send me home. she said i could have gone sooner. later i said that im moving out as soon as we get home and she asked if i though she cared if i left and i said no and she told me to leave because i wasnt doing her any favors by staying. i said mean things but i was calm and really was trying. i just didnt want to eat right there because i was nauseous and full. she kept yelling at me and insulting my appearance.
My mom was yelling at my dad that the only thing that would work would be to shake me and was yelling loudly to take me outside and shake me. My dad didnt cause he said he didnt want to be arrested on our vacation. Later things got worse too. I tried talking but my mom yelled at the top of her lungs shut up at me. She said i was awful. I was saying id go to any restaurant she wanted and eat the meal. It was six thirty then and we usually eat from nine to ten. It wasnt normal to eat then. She yelled at me and then she started crying and went up to the hotel and yelled at us to leave. Now i am outside an applebees and then we are going to see my mom. I am so scared of my mom but i dont know how to deal with her. I want to stay in the car when my dad goes to the hotel but im not sure if that will work out. I am going to post this outside the hotel but im not sure if i will have to go up im afraid she will get violent. I might not have time to read the answers in time but i hope i will if i get any, im 16 and i just want to know what to do, if i will have to go up to her to fix this or any advice on what to say to her. I also said some mean things but i wasnt insulting her.
When we got to he hotel the argument persisted. I ate the food i bought at applebees and drank half of the soda. I had to go to the bathroom and my mother said i couldnt unless i kept the door open. I didnt want that because this is a small hotel, mirrors everywhere and i dont want my family to watch me pee. She sai i wouldnt go at al then and i was just like ok ill get a bladder infection and it will be your fault. She thought i was bulimic because i had aparntly gone to the bathrom oftn after meals but i honestly hadnt vomited in almost four years. she eventually said that i could go with the door closed so long as she could look at my pee and see there wasnt any vomit. I refused to go and words were thrown around occasionally until around 11 which was when it go bad. I was getting ready for bed and said i was going to the bathroom and thatshe could listen to make sure i really was going and not vomiting. She said no and she kept yelling at me
I called her crazy and asked if she was a pervert. I thought the pee thing was gross. I said fine im not going to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth. She was yelling at my dad that i wasnt going to learn and that he needed to get physical with me. She told my dad to pull my pants down and make me go to the bathroom and my dad fought bak that he wasnt going to do that to a 17/18 year old girl even though its more than a few months until my 17th birthday. I think my mom wanted it to happen im glad my dad denied because he has shaken me before when my mom asked him to. We yelled a bit and my mom got up and literally screamed that she was leaving and i started saying im sorry ill do anything you want and she yelled shut up at the top of her lungs. She was moving really fast and throwing things around. She said it was too late and said she was gone forever. I said i love you mom i love you more than anything you know that but she interruptedme and said you are a worthless skank. My dad didnt go after her i couldnt stop crying. I said it was my fault.He just sat in the chair across the room and kind of agreed. He was mostly talking about how he had just gotten fired and how we might not go on vacation again and kept talking, though indirectly, about how i had ruined it. I told him to go look for her and he left though not right away. He went around the hotel but she wasnt inside he came back. My entire face was tingling and numb, especially my lips and my hands and feet were too. I couldnt breathe. I thought she had injured herself or was, my father refused to leave the hotel but he spent an hour looking for her. I was alone and rrocking myself back and forth saying im sorry i love you mama im sorry please dont go please come back. I could barely see and my eyes were bright red i thought she was gone forever. I knew i couldnt go home after that ever and my dadkind of agreed. My mom didnt even take her purse and the hotel was right by a highway. I know i shouldnt have gone there but i was just thinking of funerals and i was crying so hard i couldnt breathe. I prayed please god you can kill me dont take my mom i love her. I thought if she comes back things are going to get physical. I was shaking my entire body was. I couldnt think. I called my dad a few times crying but he didnt seem to have any emotions during the calls he just said that he was looking in the lobby.
Later I called and my dad said he saw her in the car. I was so relevid but so scared still that I was still crying. I thought she was going to kill me or something now and I was still scared aftr my dad came up that she would hurt herself. Or me in my sleep. She was angrty but later the next day she didnt do anything. It was like nothing ever happened the next day. And I am still just so upset
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self.offmychest
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Exit plan in place I was hit by a car 30 yrs ago. They can heal with pins plates, casts almost everthing except your back. The car left me with 6 discs in various stages of herniation. L5, L6, S1,S2 are the worst. I have a great surgeon who fused my neck, did epidurals, ablations. I was forced to concede I needed serious pain meds to cope. Time passes and the body gets older. Arthritis and osteoporosis sets in. I still had a life with as few pain meds as possible (I didnt want these meds, I hate the monthly visits, the humiliation of peeing in a cup) And now this opioid crisis hits. My meds were cut by 40% without warning. I was left with unrelenting, all consuming pain. I have no life anymore. All I have is pain. I had a good life, married 37yrs, first grandbaby, I had a future. But bec of the a$$ holes who used their pain meds after they got better bec they like t high I have to suffer. The idiots who who self medicate bec their life sucks. And no one is standing up for us, legitimate patients. There are millions of us. Suicides are up for us, the forgotten. I can't do this pain anymore, I am in agony and I am so tired I'm just weary. So I have a plan, a perfect plan. Thank God my husband forgives me, but he is in so much pain over my decision. My daughter will be in pain after I'm gone. But God has forgotten me. I hope every drug addict dies in as much agony as I am in. Bitter, you bet. Their life sucked so they got high, get over yourself, you like the high, eat shit and die. You selfish people cost me my life, my future. Where are the people that remember there are legitimate pain patients? Who will speak for us?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Had a breakup 3 weeks ago and went sober. I feel very lonely I'm alone now, with no friends to talk with. I also struggle just getting out of the house to get a job to keep myself occupied. I'm also not studying like i wanted to. I keep postponing everything except video games and social media that i use to look for people to interact with but i'm having trouble talking with people. I always had trouble speaking with people and make them fell awkward. I've been sober since the breakup and my mind is more clear. I decided to not touch weed, alcohol or cigarettes since the breakup. I also didn't resort to porn to commit to the nofap community. I feel like this will help me become a better person and i hope to realize what to do with myself. Last night i had about 6 cups of tea and i felt like my depression, loneliness just got suddenly intensified. I feel very sensitive and unmotivated to do anything. I used to feel empowered in the relationship but i was verbally abusive to her. She broke up with me just saying i was abusive and wanted to part ways because we fought a lot. I just wish i had that empowering feeling when i was with her but to have that feeling with no one. It's really hard to find something to be passionate about when there's no one to share something with. I know i should get myself together but i feel like having someone by my side would help me get back up. I'm also scared that i might actually be an abusive person. Anything cheerful to help me get out of this sad hole?
Oh! And i've been sleeping for 5-6 hours everyday since then and i my eyes constantly burn when they're opened.
TL;DR I'm unmotivated and lonely. I keep thinking that someone else would help me be happy and keep hoping to be with someone but at the same time i dont feel like i'm talking with people right and feel unwanted.
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self.depression
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Any tips on knowing when you're ready to go back to work after being on disability Does anyone have any tips? My mood is starting to lift from a dark depression but I am still worried I am not good enough to return to work. Also I am sleeping 12+ hours a day which would make it hard to function while working.
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self.bipolar
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I planned to do it today. I w as gonna do it today. One of my friends asked to hang out with me on vacation. I brought her along because I know I wouldn’t do it with her here. I still think about it though. Right now I’m in Hawaii I’ve had a blast here but I feel like if someone came up to me and put a gun to my head I would just breathe and close my eyes. I don’t think I’m going through half of what anyone here is. This Reddit has been of help to me. Please just find a reason even if it’s for one day. My reason was allowing my friend to hang out with me during the holidays tomorrow I will find a new one. Just find a reason everyday. I was gonna hang myself that was my plan. Not tonight though.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Can you still have withdrawal symptoms from being off Zoloft for almost a month? I feel like ever since I took my last dose after gradually weening off almost a month ago I’ve had withdrawal symptoms like scary nightmares (which on it or before taking it I would have one dream or nightmare a month even if that) sleep problems where I can fall asleep fine say I’ll go to sleep like around 11pm but then I’ll wake up around 3am and can’t go back to sleep for like an hour which again before taking the medicine or even while I was on it I’ve never had any problems with falling asleep or waking up in the middle of the night. Is this normal or do I have theses symptoms unreliable to the Zoloft?
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self.depression
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what's it like changing pdoc? I've been going to the same pdoc for the entire time i've been diagnosed. It's been fine. He puts me on the right stuff and it's mostly just in and out, no problem. But he's said some weird things that make me want to not do back to him. How easy is it to switch? Is it as easy as just calling someone else and making an appointment and just not going back to the old guy? Is there anything weird that happens in terms of making sure prescriptions go through the same?
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self.bipolar
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Mania! Yes, finally motivation to do things! ......aaaand crash and burn I try so hard to adapt and stifle my sadness and not show it even if something is causing me a lot of pain, but it's never enough and I'm still being treated like I must be doing SOMETHING wrong/bad by everyone but i really am trying so hard to be good and to put an effort into trying to change and be a good person and not be a flaming dumpster fire into adulthood like both of my parents ...I know I've been a fuckup for so long but I'm trying so hard to change, I moved to the heroin capital of the continent, my drug of choice and the only thing that brought me comfort for years, where you can buy it from any corner boy offering samples, but every thought that whispers to me after every hard day in such a kind voice how I deserve a reward for being good; it's just a tiny slipup, I've ignored.
The majority of any interaction I have with anyone there is a background of constant terrified racing thoughts of "make them happy, don't upset them, don't you dare fuck this up like you have with absolutely every aspect of your life" and I really do try but a lot of times I fail and make people mad at me, and even if a specific incident is not completely my fault, deep down there's always that consuming *maybe THIS time wasn't your fault but you've been a junkie whore for years so can you blame them if there's zero proof that you're anything but that?*
I'm sorry. This depression I've just been keeping mostly consumed is too much to just push to the back of my mind anymore but there's some remaining mania from today mixed in there too so it's a lovely hurricane of "holy shit why the fuck are you still alive take a hint from the fucking universe already" blended with "ok but wait to do it until you've written several books apologizing for everyone you've ever met for existing."
......sobriety is going great, everyone!
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self.bipolar
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My parents don't care I am 19 and I have been depressed most of my life. I always thought I could get help but I was too scared to ask anyone. This year I finally had the courage to tell my parents. My father rolled his eyes at me and mocked me. My mother laughed at me. Neither of them have brought it up again. After that I went to my college counselor and she only wanted me out of her office as soon as possible. All 3 of my options fell through and I am more lost than ever. I don't have money or a car so I can't get help on my own. I have deteriorated bad this year and I have little motivation to go on much longer. I don't know what to do. Whenever I talk to people they tell me "get help." Well I've tried and it didn't work. I feel so alone and hopeless.
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self.depression
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Any advice on how long it takes Zyprexa to work?
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self.bipolar
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New Art Subreddit Hi everyone! This morning I created the sub reddit r/Manicart. For all you artists, writers, poets, photographers,song writers to post to... if you want to. I love seeing everyone's creativity, and I think a one stop subreddit would be sick.
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self.bipolar
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is there any hope of a happy life for people who grew up mentally ill/ depressed from a young age does an adult who never learned how to love, be happy, think in healthy thought processes, or live a content life have any hope at all? is there any reason to be alive in that situation?
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self.depression
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How do you talk about depression to your friends? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Shortness of breath boi Just shortness of breath coming back woohoo anyone else have this
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self.Anxiety
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Had to stop my meds, ready to restart, I'm terrified to tell my doctor and therapist My health insurance lapsed for two months (long story that's not worth telling)
Because of that I couldn't afford my meds or therapy visits so haven't gone and just rescheduled my visits til after my insurance kicks again
My insurance is now back and active. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist and therapist today (they're both at the same clinic) I'm terrified to tell them. Part of me just wants to not tell them and start taking my meds but I know that's not the best option.
Things have been horrible the last few months, I'm bipolar 2 so I've been struggling with depression. I've managed to get through (thanks to the therapy work I've done) but I'm so miserable and so scared. I'm afraid they'll drop me as a patient or say something that'll make me feel worse. Any words of advice?
EDIT UPDATE: Saw then both today and they were totally understand and compassionate. Thank all for the words and encouragement!
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self.bipolar
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Close to Attempt #2 I'm not here to spill all of the tragic things that have happened in my life thus far. Sad things happen to everyone, I'm no different than any other depressed or suicidal person in the world, or on this thread. I wouldn't be hurting people in my life; my roommates and I are pretty independent people. I'm estranged from my very small remaining family who have previously stated they rather see me die than continue to live in "sin" (they follow a very strict, extreme form of Catholicism, and therefore my living in sin refers to not going to church, having sex outside of marriage, etc.). I have very few friends now; it would be shocking for a few years but they have so many years ahead of them. I'm 22 years old with no direction, no truly positive aspects to contribute to this world. I've survived through some pretty shitty events, but at some point everyone has a breaking point. I'm smart, but dumb enough to allow my anxieties and depression to successfully ruin the rest of my college career. After this spring semester, I will surely be denied financial aid and be dismissed from my current university in the US. Nothing excites me, nothing motivates me. My one talent, classical piano, is now a pathetic reminder. I went to one of the best music conservatories for a year, and failed out due to my own incompetence. I didn't touch the piano for at least a year, but finally came back to it, only to realize how pathetic my technique became, and how it only reminds me of the time I felt so horrible that I made my first suicide attempt. Ironically, music was the only thing keeping me going until that point, and now it is a daily reminder of how pointless all of my work since the age of 4 has become.
My friends are thriving in their own potential and ways, and I can see how much they value to society and the world; their impacts will be positive ones.
I am also familiar with my pattern; I feel horrible, sick to my stomach at the thought of how we as people have the capacity to feel such sadness. Then I feel numb, empty, and a dangerously calm feeling as I either amend previous suicide notes to a certain few people, or write completely new ones. I've come to the conclusion that no matter how hard I fight, and no matter how "things are looking up", they will never work out in a positive outcome, at least for me...whether it is school, friends, family, relationships, a career, nothing will have a happy ending worth working towards.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I did a dumb thing. 6 months ago I was looking for a new side job. I was hurting for money and I found a job online for what seemed like a moving company. I'll spare you the drawn out story but a week later I was pulled over and it turned out that what I was moving was pot, a lot of it. I was arrested, bounced around jails and bonded out by family. I've not only given up all my info but also continued to monitor the site I got the "job" from. They're still posting jobs available and I'm about to do 6 months in federal prison. I'm mad, but I'm more mad that I'm leaving my daughter's behind with their mom to rot without any real viable income. I would take it all back and continue on looking for a better job but now I can't, and my kids are gonna pay for it. I started a go fund me, but idk why. Nobody is going to help them while I'm gone.
Fml.
I raise a glass to y'all, and I'll see you later.
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self.offmychest
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Can't stop drinking whenever it's just too much Whenever my anxiety builds up to a shaking, suicidal level I haven't found anything that can ease it the way alcohol does. It's a highly destructive habit once I sober up I'm left depressed. When that happens I'm partial to drinking more, which reinforces the cycle. I can stop for a while, but anxiety getting too difficult leads me to starting it again.
Anyone relate/escape the cycle?
Thanks
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self.Anxiety
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In Canberra Australia can a Neurologist prescribe SSRI medications? Hi all I’m suffering from Epilepsy and depression which both are triggering seizures.
My neurologist gave me Mirtazepine but that started seizures. So I wanted to get proper SSRI medication but just wanted to know if a neurologist in Canberra Australia can prescribe it? Thanks
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self.Anxiety
|
Becoming a toxic, antisocial person. My depression and anxiety are definitely worsening.
With the rest of my life ahead of me, the early part of my life hasn't been good, to say the least.
I have depression and anxiety, and loneliness is slowly killing me.
My frustrations from social awkwardness and loneliness are turning me into a toxic, angry person.
My resentment for society and people is steadily growing, yet so is my urge to fight the feeling of loneliness.
But nothing works - and I really fear that if this all continues, I will snap, and kill myself.
I hate denial and rejection. I lack patience. I really need my life to change fast or else.
With college only months away, perhaps I'll find someone, but if not; I fully intend on becoming just another statistic.
There's no chance I survive loneliness into my 20s. The humiliation and frustration of being ignored and having no one; it will kill me.
I don't want to be pissed at any person who rejects me or who ignores me. I didn't want things to be this way. But I feel the urge to scream in their face about what they're doing to me. To scream about how they lie to me, only look to me for help, and how they keep falling for other people who hurt them constantly.
A few years of being alone and only having a handful of friends were fine, but as the decades add-on, it gets really painful.
**They always run to me for help or the answer, but you never answer my questions or help me.**
**Why do you ignore me, even though I'm always nice and respectful to you? Why do I always have to make the first move?**
**Why do you prefer criminals and degenerates as to me?**
**Why do you ignore my compliments or messages?**
**Why do you stay with someone who beats and manipulates you over me?**
**Why don't you message me first, ever?**
Maybe it's time I demanded respect or care, or maybe it's just time to forfeit and die, and hopefully, show people what they missed out on.
I don't know.
I just need someone to help me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What hypothetical life conditions, if present 24/7, would totally eliminate your anxiety? For me, it would be having a constant monitor of my own blood pressure, blood sugar, electrolytes, EKG, vitals etc. If I had constant reassurance that my body was functioning properly I'd never have anxiety again.
What about you?
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self.Anxiety
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I’m done I’m 15, Male. I stand (with good posture) at 5’4”. It’s crippled me with insecurity to the point where I can’t take photos with people taller than me and can’t watch movies with younger people that are taller.
I’m out - I can’t deal with this overwhelming insecurity and anxiety. Thanks.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have one year and two months left in the Army and I don’t know if I will make it. [deleted]
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self.depression
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[NAW] I act like i don't care, while the reality keeps hitting me like a truck [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Four girls dead because of me I don’t know if this will get taken down, I hope not, but I need to post this
About 5 or 6 years ago, I was great friends with 4 girls. We would hang out and things like that. I didn’t realize they were severely depressed either, due to the fact I was completely oblivious to what was going on around me at the time.
I got on to Skype and each one asked me to video call them and when I did... fuck. One slit her throat, one hung herself, one shot herself, and the last one disemboweled themself. I was absolutely traumatized by it and never touched Skype till just recently. I never told anyone this, and I never told their parents. No cop swung by, nothing.
I felt so alone and depressed and fell into my own prison of fear and regret and shame. I couldn’t do anything and I didn’t know what to do from then on. Three months ago, I’ve finally moved on from the incident, but I’ll never forget it. I wish I could’ve done something to help. I wish I wasn’t such FUCKING FILTH. Alas, it’s over.
Off my chest. That’s it. Post to be removed or not, oh well. I feel slightly better now.
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self.offmychest
|
Help I become suicidal over the smallest things and the only thing that stops me is family.
Most of the time I'm happy but the smallest things make me wanna do it.
A few hours ago I picked up a knife and hid it in my room.
I took it back half an hour ago.
I'm scared I'm going to act out one day.
Help me.
I'm too scared to tell family or friends.
I need help.
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self.SuicideWatch
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28 and I've ruined my life and it feels like there is no way to fix it
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self.depression
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I hate being black AND I hate being female. Might as well shout it to the fucking world how much I hate myself.
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self.offmychest
|
I cant bring myself to get help Im so apathetic and unmotivated and honestly the only reason im alive is bc im afraid of pain and i dont want my family or friends to be sad. I want and know i need help, my apathy is ruining my life but theres this thought in my head that thinks "wow im so pathetic im probably just lazy yet i pretend to be depressed and push all the blame of my laziness". I get anxiety when i think about telling my parents because of this, im also hesitant because i honestly have a good life and have no reason to be depressed
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self.depression
|
Getting over fear of answering the front door I’m absolutely terrible at this, and it’s gotten to a point where my anxiety spikes if I hear a car drive past, so I’ll go and check the window or the driveway so I can be sure it’s nobody arriving at the house, and it’s driving me insane. I leave the blinds down in the living room because I don’t want people coming to the door to see me. The houseplants are suffering and so am I. No natural light just because of an irrational fear is depressing. I’ve tried to do some exposure response in regards to the sounds of cars driving by or pulling up at the neighbours, acknowledging that my anxiety has spiked when I hear a car and not allowing myself to check the driveway or leave to another room. And again with leaving the blinds up, just doing it and allowing myself to panic when people walk past. But honestly it’s really fucking hard not to leave the blinds down or check the driveway, and I think maybe 8 times out of 10 I do check. then there’s the issue of when someone is genuinely knocking on the door. Again seems like an exposure issue to me, but honestly, when I do just suck it up and open the door and deal with it; I come out of the situation more anxious than I began and it takes me hours to calm down afterward. So that only solidifies in my mind I should avoid answering the door at all costs. Does anyone know of any simple techniques I might be able to use to keep this from chipping away at my quality of life. I know I should see a psychologist, but it’s extreme baby steps for me right now.
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self.Anxiety
|
Hard times making decisions without worrying I have a really hard time making decisions because I feel like it's going to alter my future in a way. I'm always afraid to do more than what I would because I feel like if I make the wrong choice bad things are going to happen and I'll just be fucked in the end. Is this normal? Does this happen to anyone else? Any tips on how to get through it?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Cheaper options for Latuda I commented in a post earlier, but my psychiatrist last year linked me up with a web pharmacy named maple leaf meds which has saved me a TON of money on getting my script (40mg) for a literal fraction of the price ($450 for a 6 month script of 80mg which I cut in half). They do advertise about 6 weeks to ship as the pills come from NZ via Canada, but if you are cognizant of when you're reaching that last 6 weeks of medication and place your order then, they almost always show up a week or two early. They've really helped out with my costs, I hope this resource helps y'all out too!
https://www.mapleleafmeds.com/pricedetail/latuda
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self.bipolar
|
Should i go to a therapist or a psychiatrist? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Coffee? Think I'm realising that coffee is a massive trigger for me. Makes me overthink everything in my past and massively break down.
But, I don't know if coffee is providing clarity in which I can finally see the ruin of my life, or is warping my brain and making things seem worse then they are.
I have a similar effect with alcohol, but both things make me feel much better about everything at first, and I always forget the terrible low after.
I know alcohol affects mood, but coffee too? I don't need this.
|
self.depression
|
How to self-soothe when you just can't believe in someone's love? How do y'all self-soothe and calm yourselves down when you just cannot believe your partner loves you/cares for you, even when they haven't done anything wrong?
|
self.Anxiety
|
For the first time in a long time I've got nothing to get off my chest [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Working, and not working. I have had GAD literally for as long as I can remember. I'm also a perfectionist and totally over ambitious. So I started a new job in early October. I was, to put it lightly bored, and basically went crying to a manager there wasn't enough for me to do, now I'm being given 100% more work... But now I'm worried this is too much and I can't do this, and I am a fraud, and that I am going to get fired and I will never be able to find a job again, and I will eat up all of my saving, my 401k, have to sell my car, lose my apartment, and be on the street.
For the record GAD is fun.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Might've flunked completely out of first year I had a complete mental breakdown around the middle of October which resulted in me never going to classes and staying in my dorm room for a month. After which, I only went to a few classes. Anyway, I know I failed at least three out of six of my courses which means my average is below 45% and my university's website says that means I must withdraw.
Even if it doesn't, I'll have to retake courses and I don't really have the money for that and to be able to come back to the city in the fall.
All I want to do is kill myself. That sounds so easy and I know I'll be hurting a lot of people but I just want this hell to be over. It's been so long and I'm so tired of having to get back up again. I just want to fade into nothing and spend the rest of eternity in oblivion.
Well, off to work my minimum wage job all weekend that allows me to live in a shitty student dorm until it's over.
Fuck, I hate this life and I hate my gifts. They were wasted on me and now will really go to waste.
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self.offmychest
|
My dream of becoming a YouTuber I’m 19, halfway through my second year of college, currently sitting in the dark at 3am, tears running down my face while I wait for my gameplay video to finish rendering.
I’ve had clinical depression for the majority of my life. Having to live under the shadow of my older and incredibly successful sister, my parents have expected me to do much more than what I’m capable of doing. I’m an average student who can barely keep a 2.5 GPA in college while my sister here has recently graduated as cum laude at a private school. I feel inadequate in comparison in every way and I feel even more hopeless for my future. I get bombarded with questions like “What’s your plan for college?,” “Where are you going?,” “Why haven’t you transferred yet?” It hurts more and more and I keep telling myself to talk to a therapist yet I have no money for one, my insurance doesn’t cover it either, and my parents tell me that therapists are for the mentally ill (they don’t know I have depression).
However, one thing I can hold onto has been my dream of becoming a YouTuber. Not even a famous one, just one that can make a living off of doing something fun. It’s been my dream since I was 10, learning how to edit videos by the age of 13, and finally kickstarting a League of Legends channel by the age of 19 with a new computer. Yet, even with every video I make, every new idea I have, it doesn’t quite get any traction even after posting it on various subreddits. I put 2 weeks of work into one video just to see it get viewed about 30 times by me refreshing the page over and over when there’s a guy who literally burps for 10 seconds with 1.2 million views (exaggeration, although I wouldn’t be surprised if that existed).
I don’t want to become a architect, a computer science major, or even a nutrition major (majors I dropped). I don’t know what I want to be in college. I’m going into my third year undeclared and completely lost, but what keeps coming back up in my mind is becoming a YouTuber and that’s my dream.
But being in an Asian household with a sibling that is inhibiting my will to continue and parents who like shitting all over my dream, makes me feel hopeless. I mean, I normally feel hopeless on a daily, life just has me not wanting to be alive anymore. I’m scared of killing myself due to my fear of death, although I certainly don’t want to be alive. But making videos has been the only thing making me just a little bit happy from time to time. It helps me forget all the responsibilities of college breathing down my neck, it helps me forget all the stress of a 9-5 job. It helps me forget my insecurities, my failed relationships, all the friends I’ve lost and all the rejection I get from girls who already have boyfriends.
YouTube just helps me forget about everything.
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self.depression
|
Is wanting attention selfish? I’ve expressed in almost every way imaginable that I’m not okay and I feel as if almost no one cares, not at all. Is it selfish to want attention? Is it selfish to want at least one or two people concerned about you? I’m so fucking close to ending it all and if/when I do only then they’ll be crying saying “they wish they did something sooner”.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I think I'm ready to let things go. you know ive always thought what do i lack in life? i have a pretty stable family, stable economic conditions, an ongoing college education and pretty good people around me.
So why do I feel so empty on the inside? I would have let go already if I hadn't stopped myself to think about all the things my selfish ass would miss. I want to visit Paris before I die. I want to go to a Kpop concert before I die. I'd like to experience adulthood and find myself. I'd like to be happy.
But then I think about the possibilities of even making a future for myself and I see nothing. I won't ever amount to anything when I grow up, I realized. I'd like to go quietly and painlessly... I've thought of how to go about it and I'm relieved that this emptiness and void that I've been filling with video games that no longer bring me joy will be gone if I go. I don't find joy in those things and the only thing that settles me is weed and the occasional juul hit. I'm such worthless trash, a disappointment... I will never be able to fulfill what I want to and the goals that I have ser up for myself. Dying will make it better for people around me... My mom's already tried to suffocate me... Maybe I won't fight back next time she does it again.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Family member not suicidal but wants death because of impact of anxiety Didn't really know how to title this properly. Basically, a family member recently is going through really bad anxiety to the point he has a panic attack. Hasn't been able to sleep properly for about a week and complains of feeling different and some pain. Went to the er where he was diagnosed with Anxiety associated with depression. Got a paper about Anxiety disorder and some self help stuff he can do. Received a prescription for some sertraline and a trazodone. Also, told to get some melatonin which can help with sleep. Was told to scheduled follow up appointments which we will be doing.
Whew...now to clarify he basically told us that he didn't want to kill himself but how he felt made him wish it would happen if it was. Trying to get him the proper rest that he should have and hope that will help him overall. Not sure what to do next other than offer my support.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I FINALLY PASSED MY DRIVING TEST! I failed it about a year ago but i got to redo the test today and i passed it even though at one part i did super bad i was convinced i was going to fail! but i’m so happy i passed i’m so excited.
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self.offmychest
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Waking up every morning holding onto the little hope I have left to get me through the day. It feels like I'm just drifting through life. I don't recognize myself. Anyone relate?
|
self.depression
|
Fearing nonexistence but also fearing life. Since I was a kid I've had these dark thoughts about forever remaining nonexistent after death. I thought they'd become more manageable as an adult or that I had just blocked them out.
 
Forever remaining existent also causes me to feel a sense of panic. I sometimes feel a desire to leave existence before I have stronger reasons to stay. But what would be the point if I did that?
 
I guess you would call this existential crisis or thanatophobia. I'm not sure. I just wish I could be a normal young adult and not think about this.
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self.depression
|
Guilty about depression? I have been having a very rough 15 months after a breakup which really shouldn’t be the end of the world, but it’s really fucked me up. I moved back in with my parents and have had no energy or motivation to move forward with my life. I’m also 29 so this is pathetic. I feel guilty for having depression because I should be far beyond this girl at this point but even with therapy and trying meds I cannot get my shit together. I almost feel as if I’m making all this shit up at this point. Like my mood is permanently fucked up and my outlook is shit. I am really tired of this.
Also, nobody ever move to central PA if you have depression.
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self.depression
|
I really sincerely want to suicide, but I’m so tired. Just for this one time in my life, I want to have an easy time, so can I just go to bed one night and never wake up ever again? I can’t get hold of any prescription pills. I just really really need everything to stop. I don’t even know why I’m posting here.
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self.depression
|
God I fucking hate my csc department at school [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I've been sitting here with my pistol in front of me... [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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My lungs have been turnt upside down. I can not breathe , I don't want to do this anymore, it won't get better, it never will. The only shred of happiness in my life would be better off without me. I just need to find resolve , I don't know where else to find it.. I can not think straight. I just know that I can no longer grace this earth. May God have mercy on my soul, if he exists that is I just don't know where the time went, I was nine when I first attempted, 9 . Nothing has changed , I kinda wish it would have worked so I wouldn't leave hearts broken now, but the relief I will feel will outnumber their grief tenfold. I just want to feel deaths cold numbing embrace..
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I just figured out what I want to do with my life and I’m terrified [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
How long does your depression last? Hello, I was diagnosed bipolar 1 a few years ago. I went through about 5 months of mania in 2015 mixed w psychosis and delusions. It seems that since the episode, I have been depressed. It was very bad depression for about a year once my mania wore off. The depression seems to get bad in the summer. I was doing ok, but this summer got really bad and ended up hospitalized for a week and now I’m in DBT.
Anyways, how long has your bipolar depression lasted? Is this normal? I felt I was doing really good for a couple weeks. I was happy and motivated. Was that mania diluted by my medication? How long will I be depressed. I’m not sure if it’s a medication thing. I suddenly became very sad and tearful on Sunday and today very agitated. I swore I was going to run into the wall and slam doors over and over at work.
Please tell me if this prolonged depression is “normal”
|
self.bipolar
|
It has gotten worse, and I owe you all an apology. I love you all, to a fault. Thank you for your help, and I hope the same courtesy is extended to you. No human being deserves to go through this. I'm ready to finish it.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I just missed a hugely important meeting with my potential grad advisor because I could not get myself out of bed. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Today a friend of mine died She wasn't that close, but a friend is still a friend. Three/four years ago she got her leg removed due to cancer, today the same cancer spread and took her life. Her death is obviously a great weight, but knowing that a person with such difficulties was able to live her life happily is also quite hard. For real she was the best example of a hard working and life-loving person you can find. Art student with great talent and always overcoming everything. Why can't I, a person who has everything in this life, be happy? It just makes me feel ungrateful and worse than ever. I really want to take my life, but I just can't. Sorry guys, I'm kind of drunk right now. Lets learn from people who are worth it, who are a real example.
Rip Mónica 1996 - 2017
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self.depression
|
have to go back to school tomorrow after being sick and I'm freaking out HELP! So I woke up Monday morning feeling like a train wreck so I came down stairs and told my mom how I felt and my mom agreed I could stay home since I had a fever. She took me to the doctor later that day and it turned out I have strep throat now fast forward to today, Wednesday I have been home from sick for 3 days now and I'm totally freaking out. I was supposed to go back today but I couldn't because of my fear of facing going back so I played it to my mom that I still felt bad and I thought I needed one more day to recover. My mom was reluctant but she decided that was ok. So now it's almost almost time to get ready to go back and I'm panicing! I don't know why I'm so scared to go back I guess because I know I will have to scramble to get all of my missing work done whenever I come back or the fact EVERYONE is going to know I was gone and I don't know they think I'm a slacker or something and I feel like every time I come back to school after being sick my friends seem kinda ticked at me same with my teachers like it's a burdon on them
Please leave a comment if you have had a similar experience or have any advice for me.. I know the sooner I come back the easier it will be to ease back into it but I just don't feel like I can face it I dunno..
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self.Anxiety
|
Went to an end of year work event and depression and suicidal thoughts attended as well. I went to an end of year work show last night, i was happy for half the night and then I just got sad. Being around so many happy people dancing, having fun etc really brought me down. I managed to go outside for air and wrote this piece to sum up my thoughts at that point. Let me know if any one can resonate with this:
It’s so hard to describe depression and suicidal thoughts to those who aren’t mentally unsound.
You can go to a party and surround yourself with happy people but crave that happiness so badly. It can be like sitting and watching people live the life you wish you had so badly.
I feel sad because i’m not like other people. Other people can socialize and embrace life so well and i can’t. I sit here and i struggle. I can put a fake smile one and make random small talk but i’m so unhappy.
I feel like a massive disappointment to people. When we go out and i’m the only one not having fun, i make them feel so bad and i don’t want to ruin their night. I just can’t be happy.
There are so many nights when suicide brings me so much comfort and peace. The thought of slipping away makes me happy. The thought of being anywhere but here makes me happy.
I keep hoping for someone or something to save me. To pull me out of my depression and give me something to live for. But nothing or no one does.
I just want it to end. I want it to end so bad. I want to sleep and never wake up.
I see so many other people doing so many great and fun things and here i am, depressed and wishing i was dead. How sad it that? To wish to be dead.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
tired of trying to be happy i get upset over dumb things im not sure if i will ever overcome i should have died
it hurts i mess up everything for myself all the time
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Invisible I'm feeling incredibly depressed, and to be honest, kind of suicidal. I'm lonely and I'm tired of exhausting myself trying to speak to anyone. No-one replies. I wait weeks for a reply from anyone, and I'm fed up of it. I'm fed up of the fact that so-called friends read, but don't reply, to messages. I'm fed up of having to go to so much effort to elicit some kind of response from them.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I am horrible One foster home i lived at my foster dad would always hit and hurt my younger foster sister. He would make me hurt her too. He also sexually abused her too. Yet he never did anything to me. Sometimes though i think about it hearing the bed squeak and how she cried and i hate myself for never doing anything to stop it. After i moved to another foster home a new foster kid showed up there and quickly told her social worker what was happening. When child services asked me whether he had ever done anything bad i said no. Im awful. He couldnt hurt me anymore yet i still said no. He also used to hit the dogs and after a while i started hitting them too. They would make these horrible pain killed screeches. Fuck. I just wish i could forget it all or make up for all the horrible things ive done so far.
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self.offmychest
|
When parents make it worse Im going through the toughest moments of my life right now. I dropped out of school a while ago cause I hated med-school, it was the hardest decision I have ever taken, I couldnt get out of my house for weeks cause I was destroyed. Now Im trying so hard to be better, Im doing a full time job, a little bit of exercise and looking to start a brand new set of studies in January. Everyday is a struggle against negativity and my own complexes, and just when I think Im getting better my parents fuck it all up making comments about how disappointed they are, that Im good for nothing and a lot of other bullshit. I wish they could feel what I feel, giving it all to get up in the morning and get through day by day fighting depression. I want to be better but god they are so toxic, its legit unbeliveable
|
self.depression
|
Sudden realisation that I have no friends and no one likes me [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Depressed because I'm ugly Hi, so I'm writing this because maybe somebody can relate to me... Or maybe even offer advice.
I'm about to be 25 and all I do is obsess about how I look. I am in a constant battle with myself over the week about how ugly I am.
I am constantly getting mistaken for being older than I am although my skin is wrinkle-free and is very smooth. I don't get it.
I guess it has to do with my demeanor because I'm never happy (on the inside), and so this never gets through to my outside. I wish I could just fake it. Really fake it, but as much as I try to pretend to be content or happy it either only happens momentarily or I feel worse later because I'm using so much energy to keep up the facade.
I'm too thin and frail, and I do want to gain weight, but I just do not have the appetite or motivation due to feeling depressed and having suffered from binge-eating disorder coupled with little to no appetite and also a high metabolism (I had to eat over 3,000 calories in the past just to put on 15 lbs), so I often just starve or eat everything in sight. I'm severly underweight with a BMI of just 15. It really sucks though because I know I would feel a little more confident with myself at a higher weight and finding clothes that I like would not be so hard either.
People treat me different because of these things too, and it's absolutely horrible. They all just judge me and write me off before they know me. A couple people at my intern placement seemed as if they were speculating that I have a.) an eating disorder and b.) psychpathy. It made me feel completely anxious and like I was walking on eggshells around the place, but the main issue I had was that I was completely depressed. Even my on-site supervisor was treating me different like he didn't trust me and like I was a bad person. There was another intern there who he treated better, and he even never gave me a key to his office unlike the others who were there at the same time.
I have some other issues, but they are all just related to how I look also, but I'm trying to do something about them. I'm too dark, so I'm lightening my skin because people treat darker people of any race the worst. It sucks and it's classism, so at least I can just lighten my skin to a more preferred complexion.
I wish I didn't care what people think, but it's hard to cope when you're a woman and the number one thing that's valued in women is appearance.
Has any others been able to overcome hating how they look to become somewhat happier? I feel I'm happy in moments, but never extremely happy because I realize how unfortunate my looks are.
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self.depression
|
I think I likely have some form of Traumatophobia(extreme Paranoia/fear of war) I think I might have some form of this given all my recent threads about north korea or russia and the fact I keep on asking those questions despite all the reassurance I have received
Another thing is war has never bothered me this much before it's very strange
I think my time reading very loud and noisy headlines over at /r/politics may have triggered it.
Erm any idea's as to how I can over come this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Just need a quick vent and some support I have anxiety regarding a bunch of things, but what really sets off an attack for me is my health/mortality. I am sick with a head cold and I didn't really eat as much as I should have today, so I got very light-headed and my heart started pounding. I worked myself into feeling like I was having a heart attack and had a really difficult, long anxiety attack.
I want so desperately to quiet the voice in me that makes every little health concern a massive issue, but I don't know how. Tonight has really put me through the ringer mentally, so I'm feeling drained. But I cannot for the life of me shake the "what ifs" and go to bed.
|
self.Anxiety
|
How do I get out of this...funk? (Warning, bad language) [deleted]
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self.depression
|
10 hours sleep 10 hours work 4 hours waiting to work again [deleted]
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self.depression
|
My gf broke up with me She said she couldnt take me anymore and shes done all shes could. she said we can still be friends. I never felt so fucked up...
|
self.depression
|
I don't know what to do I'm a 17 year old girl and I feel like I can't do this anymore. I've spent the last few months doing essentially nothing because of school falling through due to a family emergency. I feel like I'm throwing my life away because my depression has gotten to the point I can't get motivated to do anything I used to enjoy. I still want to live for my family because I know they depend on me but I just feel so trapped and sad. I feel like the only way to feel better is to hang myself and I've had that feeling for years. I have so much guilt over things that don't matter and I think about how good it would feel to kill my body. I don't think therapy would help me and I'm too scared to try medication. I'm not resentful, I'm just tired of being alive and I'm ready to move on but I can't decide if I should.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
slowly giving up I hope this isn't too heavy or too much but I feel like I need to somehow vent this as I'm anonymous, it's easier to speak to people who don't know me with no prejudgement and that some of us are on this rocky boat and understand it.
I've attempted to commit suicide several times and this was back in 2017, all these tend to happen during a moment of being so completely overwhelmed by small things including large things building up over time. I'm masking it to stop myself from showing signs of appearing to look like a person who moans about life or comes across as a negative nancy. I live in an area where if someone asked you if you're okay and you say no they shrug it off or give you shit responses of telling you to "get a grip" or "stop moping about" I don't want to lie to people no more and say that "I'm fine" where really I just want to chug down a bucket of pills or drown myself out with alcohol and pretend that the things in my life didn't happen and it was all a stupid nightmare. I get days of extreme anxiety and depression all combined into one, I cry, I sit there for a good hour staring into nothingness, I don't concentrate, I can't keep still, I have a horrible rolodex of thoughts where one nasty thought comes after another, my heart and mind race, I start to lose control of my actions and my body and everything becomes overwhelming sometimes. I really hope it isn't just me with this very quick overwhelming feeling where you can snap in seconds and lose yourself and end it all because it happened a lot lately and it's getting incredibly difficult to stay away from alcohol and xanax and constantly battling the dark feelings. Does anyone here relate to this? Like I really need reassuring with this as all I want is to lessen these feelings and know tips on how to manage my feelings better and try not kill myself through times like that. I just feel my behaviour and my coping mechanism is not healthy.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
im so fucking fed up i am so over my life i hate every aspect about it (ugly poor you fucking name it) and am becoming closer and closer to jumping off the local parking garage. my parents have always been insensitive to all my problems so maybe this will get them of their fucking asses when im spilled on the floor
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anxiety is finally going away Man who knew videogames can help with it lol
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self.Anxiety
|
My girlfriend dumped me Yea. I'm a little bit of a huge mess right now. 9 months together exactly. I loved her so much. I am having a meltdown and I just miss her so much already. It's only been 2 hours, but it feels like years
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm just kinda venting here. Feel free to ignore or read as you please. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Going off the lithium Day four of lithium at a super low dose (150mg) but I just can't bring myself to take my pill today. I've been sleeping almost nonstop for three days and I need to feel like I can function. Last night I had a black out period where I woke up on the couch and didn't even remember lying down to begin with. Feeling very achy and sore. Headaches, increased anxiety, PARANOIA, and feelings of depression I can't shake. Is the lithium causing all of this? Going to try skipping a dose today to see if it makes me feel better.
|
self.bipolar
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Constantly feeling guilty for no reason Does anyone else get this? A lot of times I feel like I'm a terrible person for no reason or for a very minor reason (such as I was talking too loudly or interrupted someone). The thing is is that I know that I'm not a bad person and that it's okay to make these little mistakes, but I can't get over the overwhelming guilt that I often have no matter what I tell myself.
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self.Anxiety
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Massive anxiety while playing video games Hi.
I've always had really bad anxiety problems, just something that's followed me my whole life.
Video games have been a very passionate hobby of mine and my go\-to thing to help calm my mind down and take my mind of things for a bit...but lately, for no apparent reason, video games are now \*causing\* anxiety for me. And I mean BAD anxiety. Really bad.
I've been playing them for the past 19 something years with absolutely no issues what so ever, then one game, out of the blue for absolutely no apparent reason they just started causing anxiety. No warning, no build up leading to it..just one game I'm fine, then next game I'm having horrible anxiety with every game I play for absolutely no reason.
Anyone have any possible advice? I love gaming and its not something I want to give up because of anxiety, especially considering the amount of things anxiety has already destroyed in my life I don't want it to take this too.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm so exhausted and damaged. If you can see my post history, my recent post is one of the reasons I'm contemplating to kill myself.
Also is the fact that I will never be accepted for who I am.
The fact that I cannot be the person I want to be.
The fact that I am not continuously happy despite of my achievements in life.
The fact that I have a dietary disorder and mental issues. I've tried therapy but it hasn't worked so well.
I love those who care for me. But I'm just so done. Please let me go.
I know I am not capable enough to kill myself (still afraid) but don't let me go to that point where I'm not afraid anymore.
I'm so sad and miserable
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self.depression
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Anyone else spend months being useless for every week they're productive? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Existential Terror I have no idea what's happening to me. For a long while now I've been slowly getting more and more paranoid about death and existence. It started small with talking about the idea of death being nerve-wracking for me, then it evolved into a constant fear of being murdered or dying suddenly (not because I was afraid of pain, but because I don't know what happens after death), then to the state I'm in right now where I can't do anything without getting intrusive thoughts about the mysteries of existence and being completely terrified by the fact that I don't understand what consciousness is, where it comes from, or where it goes. The idea that we don't know what we are or why is extremely haunting to me. Thoughts pop into my head and I start to get confused and overwhelmed and I start seeing reality as illogical and impossible to grasp, it's taking a serious toll on my life and activities. Sometimes I feel hyper-aware to the point where I feel more like I'm a brain wearing a face as a mask. Everything and every movement feels really surreal and uncomfortable, and sometimes it gets so severe that it makes me panic. What's happening to me? Is this a kind of dissociation? Recently I've been curious about the fact that I've been developing a lot of Schizoid Personality Disorder traits over the past few years, even more so now. Could this be a symptom of that?
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self.Anxiety
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We'll Never Be Like Normies I have M.D.D. (major depressive disorder), diagnosed and under a psychiatrist's care. Thankfully he's a dedicated and compassionate one. I've had it all my adult life, and probably seeds of it as a teenager. It gradually got worse and worse starting in my mid-20s. I hate talking about it, yet writing this is somehow helpful. I especially hate bringing it up around neurotypicals. I don't even like being around them because they throw in my face everything that I never was and never will be.
They don't do it on purpose or consciously. They simply do it because of the way they are.
It's also known as clinical depression, and there is a fuckton of ignorance and misconceptions about it. It IS NOT "sadness."
Left untreated early, MDD wrecks havoc on your ability to function mentally, emotionally, physically, every way.
My short term memory, concentration, focus, ability to apply new things, and attention to detail are largely for shit. This is why I've had so much trouble with jobs, and before: school. A lot of people have ended up hating me for this. Or least firing, shunning, abusing, or abandoning me. Is it any wonder I love animals so much more than people?
What I'd like everyone to know: I DO NOT do the things I do or forget the shit I forget on purpose to frustrate or inconvenience you.
This disorder is absolutely insidious. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. The mental, physical, psychic, and spiritual pain -at the worst- are so horrible that dying sounds like a relief. This is why so many people with undiagnosed MDD end up committing suicide.
Watch "The Babadook" and think of that monster as a metaphor for a major depressive break-down. That's what fighting its ass every day feels like.
I didn't ask for this. I don't want it. It's much, much, much harder for me to function as an adult because of it. No one wants this. Be thankful you don't have it.
It doesn't help that I was mentally abused first by my dad, then by two romantic partners. To my dad, I'm "a failure," "a disappointment," and "broken." We want nothing to do with each other.
As long as I stay on my meds, I can mostly function. Too much of them, and I can't eat and I end up fainting. Too little, and I can't get out of bed for five days, and/or I can't stop lashing out in a tearful psychotic rage. No one wants to see that.
I still drink some wine, some nights. When I'm so numb and empty that I just have to feel something. It lets me. Any other kind of alcohol: forget it. Even the smell of vodka or whiskey makes me nauseated.
Which brings me to: I sometimes don't feel completely real. As in I'm more emotionless robot than human. When I'm in a situation (like at work) where others are freaking out, frustrated, lecturing, berating, etc, the more I shut down emotionally. I don't have any feelings about anything. I clinically go through the procedures and do the best I can.
Sometimes I think, "I wonder what it would be like to be so passionate, dedicated, frustrated, stressed, and freaked out when things don't go perfectly." I can't and I don't feel any of that. It's not AT ALL that I don't care. I just emotionlessly take the steps to try to correct it. With some women's levels of stress and berating freak-outs, I think: "Damn, I think I'll stick with the MDD. It's got its demons, but it's a trade-ff."
I dig deeper after such stressful situations, and I feel: Nothing. A black, yawning, soulless nothing. Don't stare too long into that inner abyss. Because it's staring back at you.
I've been told often, I'm too "scripted," too "robotic." Yep, such is life with MDD. I have trouble sensing how to talk to and authentically respond to people. My last abuser kept me isolated for seven years. So I keep a mental list of memorized responses/statements/questions to use and practice silently, like a foreign exchange student. Yet I'm just spitting out the same lines, but I don't know wtf I'm doing. I was once told I talk "at" people, not "to" them. But I don't know how. Fuck. It's accurate.
Also because of the meds: I don't give a shit when anyone berates or lectures me. I also don't give a shit about much of anything else. Except my boyfriend and my writing.
He's the only one who's ever loved and accepted me exactly as I am. No matter what I may do or what ever fuck-up I may do because of my fucked-up memory, he never turns on me, just tells me it's okay, it'll all be okay.
If we were asked, "What's the attraction?" I'd say "We understand and connect with each other, on a level neither of us ever had in our lives." This isn't the half of it.
He has PTSD from severe abuse from his dad, even worse than my situation. He also has DID, but it's not like in the movies. It's subtle. I know who I'm talking to at any time. When we're holding each other, we don't even need to speak to know what the other is feeling.
I'd like to let neuro-typicals know: We ARE NOT bad, stupid, retarded, crazy, evil, dangerous, etc, JUST BECAUSE we have a mental illness. So many of us are fighting the good fight, and it's such a steeper uphill fight for most of us. We did not ask for this.
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self.depression
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I have a crush on a close friend We've known each other for over three years now. He's one of my closest friends at college but he's straight. Sometimes I think maybe there's a chance. He doesn't know I'm bisexual so maybe he is too and I don't know it. But I've never gotten up the nerve to talk about it. I don't want to lose the friendship over it. Anyway last night I had a dream that I came out to all my friends and he told me he had a crush on me too and we got together. Was disappointed when I woke up to find out it was a dream. Anyway just wanted to get that off my chest
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self.offmychest
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Next semester... ...I want to set goals for myself. Im tired of feeling lonely so I’m really trying to push myself to open up more (which I’ve had luckily a lot of progress with in the past few months) and make new friends. I feel like not only will it be a huge milestone for me, but it’ll also help me network myself. I want a better me this year.
Obviously my nerves are still very much still there. I was feeling pretty anxious earlier but even just writing this post helped. I think I’m ready for this change in my life, I can do this.
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self.Anxiety
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i don’t feel like an actual person every morning i wake up and one of my first thought is “i’m not ready” because i don’t know how to cope with just being a person every day. i feel like i don’t function the way other people do and everything is just so much harder for me. i go through entire days feeling terrible and awkward and unable to do small things. there’s something so fundamentally wrong with me and it’s been there for so long i don’t know how to fix it
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self.depression
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At the ER for the 3rd time in less than a week [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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How to fall asleep? I can't fall asleep ever, ever since I was 12 I usually get around 4-6 hours of sleep on a GREAT night. Other times it's usually 2 and it honestly just keeps ruining my day to day functions. I've tried everything. White noise machines. Melatonin. Different thinking processes. But my mind never sleeps, it's always running and worrying and I need to find another option to fall asleep besides alcohol or prescription drugs. The alcohol is less and less of an option lately due to advances in my career but my lack of sleep is effecting my performance. Any advice?
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self.Anxiety
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the only thing keeping me going is the obligation o feel to family, friends, and pets [deleted]
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self.depression
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I feel ugly/fat/disgusting. I've been really sick this week and I feel like I've been eating way too much to balance out my activity. I feel like I'm just going to gain weight and look worse than I already do. I can't make it through a day without wanting to change everything about my appearance. I wish I had lost my appetite this week so I would have not eaten.
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self.Anxiety
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