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It hit the fan and I started meds today. Have been battling for years. Recent events have pushed me to my brink and something happened this morning at 3am that pushed it over the edge. Tried to go into work and had a panic attack and had to leave. Went to an urgent care to get me on something ASAP and here I am. I’m seeing a full on psychiatrist tomorrow and taking it from there.
Cheers to the next step in getting to the brighter side.
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self.depression
|
I haven't felt suicidal in years, and now it's back. I don't know what happened. Last friday, I went to get drinks with some friends, and I told them "I'm better because I don't see suicide as an option anymore, I want to live". And last night everything went to shit.
I don't see any other possible solution that isn't suicide. I've tried everything; therapy, medication, doing yoga, talking to my friends, everything. But the pain and suffering is just too much.
The only problem is I feel like my survival instinct is too strong and when I commit suicide, something is going to kick in on me and I might regret it at the last moment, which will make me survive and that would be HORRENDOUS. I do not want to be on an hospital sorrounded with people crying because I tried to take my own life. I don't want to be there when people are suffering.
I wish I had hope still. I had it until days ago, when I realized there's no cure. My life is going to be like this forever. I have my happy moments, yeah, but they're always tinted with darkness and pain. I can't stand it anymore. Even taking medication I can't stand it.
I wish I'll finaly find the courage to kill myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I’m proud of myself ! I am majoring in early childhood education and today was my first day of student teaching. I have been overwhelmed with anxiety the last two weeks , scared I was going to freeze up or not be able to talk or converse with the kids because of my anxiety . Did some breathing exercises this morning and went in and somehow I didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable. Of course I had my moments throughout the day where I would feel anxious for a few seconds but I was able to overcome it and I really haven’t felt this accomplished in a while. I suddenly feel that I could do so many other things that scare me usually and this is a great feeling !
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self.Anxiety
|
I dont want to be alive anymore. I dont want to kill myself but I dont really want to live anymore. I have no friends, I am in a loveless marriage, my family has fallen apart. I dont know. Ive thought about dying multiple times daily for years now. I dont know what to do. I feel so numb now. I grew up in a single mother household with very little money. My mom was extremely religious and ive always wanted to have that. I cant tell if I dont believe in God or just hate Him. A few of my brothers are drug addicts and have been for a long time and last week I prayed for the first time in many many years and asked God to please help (insert specific brother here) and the NEXT DAY he dies with a needle in his arm. Why would I pray for him specifically when I have three brothers on drugs? I felt a bit angry at God at first but other than that I feel nothing. I feel like a monster. I haven't shed a single tear. My family was always so close but everything has crumbled. I hate my life. I cant remember the last time I was happy. Now I'm just getting drunk and shouting into the void of the internet. I dont even know why I'm writing this. Idk.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Nothing gives me any joy anymore Not even the most simple of pleasures makes me happy or even mildly entertained anymore, none of my hobbies or even anything as simple as mindlessly watching Netflix or YouTube videos. Talking to people makes me feel sad because it feels like nobody I know is like this, and as a result it makes me feel so alone
I just feel so empty, I don't think I've ever felt this numb.
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self.depression
|
Who else gets obsessive thoughts when they start to go hypo/manic? I'm starting to get obsessive thoughts. I have this recurring feeling that I have these holes in my skin/head, and I have to scratch my skin off. This happened last time I was hypomanic from taking an SSRI.
Just wanted to see if anyone else got this way?
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self.bipolar
|
A problem with the "Respect your elders" ideology. Having been a child who was raised from birth to now within a society and culture that praises the "Respect your elders" ideology, it is usual to hear people tell me to do such a thing, especially from my /(great\*)(grand\*)parent(s?)/regex and relatives. I can tell you that, although other children grow up seemingly fine, I am not.
I think that the first time I was told to "respect elders" was not when I was misbehaving. I never misbehaved, I simply treated everyone equally regardless of **age**, and whatever. Since I am a quiet person with an introverted personality, I just didn't give any fucks about "elders" around me equally as I gave no fucks about people younger than me, although I do talk to anyone at all very nicely if they talk to me. Nothing personal.
Now, in the culture I was raised in, respecting elders meant that I would have to break out of my quiet bubble of people-avoidance, and do something explicitly involving another person. I won't tell you what culture this is so as not to offend anyone.
It really began to piss me off when I realized I had had to do this all along. So, it really, really, really had an effect on me that I do not think any child should ever go through in their childhood.
See, because I knew that I had to respect elders only because I was a child, I felt resentful. It gave me a reason not to enjoy my youth; it gave me a reason to try to stress myself out, giving myself pseudo-work out of thin air, trying to be responsible, and getting tired of every shit, not going out or doing shit; and it gave me a reason to wish to be an adult. I did all that because I felt that I should be respected too, so that I can fairly give other people my respect: that's equality. It is crazy that I had been doing that for the past 15 or 16 years, really, just because of society's harassment on me. Now, my youth is nearly over, I'm turning 18 soon, and I just wished that I could go back in time and enjoyed my youth, but this time, without all the responsibilities and shit.
I feel that this culture or this feature in the culture should not ever exist. It oppresses people like me and they end up wasting their whole childhood on trying to ... I don't know what to say. It stresses me very much. There are also people who I find not deserving of being respected even though they could be 100-150% older than me. Sure, I do respect everyone equally, but I am talking about those adult relatives that have harassed me before (yes, some of my relatives did abuse me), and why does society expects me to respect them? That's simply not fair.
This has all been about problems pertaining to my life. Let's hear some solutions.
I think the solution to this problem should be that: yes, respect elders, but also respect children equally. Respect everyone equally, so nobody ever feels resentful or hurt themselves for it like I did.
Even though I lost much of my childhood trying to fight a demon made by society and even though I'm about to turn an adult now, I know that I'm about to have a choice. I know that there are better cultures out there where society is less harsh about this, where everyone gets treated fairly (not just by age, but by gender and all that), and I know that there is a way out. I will put myself in a better society one day wherein I don't have to go through all this.
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self.offmychest
|
I felt like sharing my realization. I just realized that I haven't had water or food for more than 36 hours and I don't feel a bit hungry or thirsty. It seems I'm gone further that I thought.... 4 years and counting.
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self.depression
|
Finally realized how unappreciated I am, and it’s got me depressed... This turned into a vent. I apologize in advance for the long post.
I went to a party recently. A holiday party, with a bunch of friends as well as others I was meeting that night. We all had a great time. We laughed, we had great conversations, we played games, and we all went home with smiles on our faces. I made it a point to go around the room and talk to as many people as I could and engage with as many as possible. I wanted everyone to feel welcome and didn’t want anyone to have to sit silently while everyone else had fun. I made that effort for everyone.
A few days later, I find out most of the people at the party thought I was extra, too over the top, too much. Those were the exact words I got. Now, I’m a very animated person, I talk with my hands, I’m very facially expressive and I laugh a lot. So I kinda understand when people tell me I’m too much.
I think what upset me is this: I struggle a lot with self esteem and self image issues, and so I consciously go out of my way for other people so that they have a positive image of me, and yet after I made such a conscious effort to include everyone at this party, and keep the vibe positive and make everyone happy to be there, the majority of the people there still only saw the negative in me. They saw me not as someone trying to put smiles on faces, they saw me as someone who’s “extra”, as if being a genuine human being is so taboo.
I honestly don’t understand. I feel so unappreciated and so taken for granted. I do what I can for others all the time. When people fall down, and they’re hurting, I pick them up without hesitation. But when I’m hurting, when I’m not ok, nobody cares. Nobody texts or calls me to say “Hey, man. I saw you’re not doing too well. You wanna talk?”
I understand that you shouldn’t do good things for recognition, you’re supposed to do them because they’re the right thing to do. However, and maybe this makes me selfish, but to go to a party and devote my whole time there to making sure others have a good time, only then to find out everyone there finds me annoying and likely doesn’t want me there, is something that makes me both angry and depressed. I just feel like I’ll always be the guy nobody wants around.
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self.offmychest
|
I think this might be it I've been suicidal off and on for years now, but I've never gotten to this point before. What's happened to me now makes me feel like all of the other problems I've had in life were a joke, and I should have been grateful to have them and not anything worse. I feel like I've finally hit upon something that I really cannot live with, and is not fixable.
The basic gist is that I had surgery about a month ago, and surgical error resulted in the loss of almost all of my erogenous tissue. I'm in near constant pain in the area, and obviously also experiencing sexual dysfunction.
This is so traumatic for me, that my mind didn't really let me become fully aware of what happened until a week or two ago. I knew the tissue was gone right away, but I kept telling myself it would be okay somehow. I thought I'd just make sure I can still get off, and if I could I'd be able to live with it. I was able to get myself off, so I was relieved and thought I should just go back to normal, which is masturbating every two days or so.
Keep in mind that the doctors didn't tell me the tissue was lost, and of course also gave me no post-op instructions regarding that injury.
In retrospect, I was in denial and couldn't face what had really happened. I kept pushing it out of my mind, and going about my normal sexual routine.
Then, about a week or two ago, the sensation suddenly changed. It became painful, and I was unable to orgasm. After a few days of this the reality started to sink in. I finally disclosed the unthinkable reality to my husband, who had difficulty believing me.
The following day, I had a follow up appointment with the surgeon, and asked him to describe the procedure to me. The way he described it made it sound like what has happened is impossible. I was relieved, and desperately wanted what he was telling me to be true, so I did believe him. He said maybe the tissue was being obscured by something, and that it would just show up again after I've had more time to heal (???).
Over the next few days, I started to doubt what I had been told, and realize I had been lied to. Regardless of what he told me, my genitals were still in the same state. There's an organ that used to be there, and isn't anymore. It's not the kind of thing that can just "go missing" either - it was attached somewhere, and I can touch the (now painful) attachment point, and, well, it's not there.
Anyway, once the reality finally settled in fully, I was in total despair. The other night, I came close to killing myself. I think "attempt" is a strong word, maybe "rehearsal" is better. I put rope around my neck, attached it above my head, and myself hang from it for some time. Then I stood up again to reevaluate my choice.
Anyway, this is getting very long. I'm now on suicide watch, and almost all of me is regretful that I didn't finish the job the other day. I don't think I can live with this.
I've pretty much decided that I'm going to kill myself within the next year. I want to follow up with a malpractice lawyer, and at least get some answers about what happened. And make sure what this surgeon did to me is exposed and out in the open. I also need to get my affairs in order for my husband.
So yeah, about 1% of me is open to being surprised and finding out I can live with this, but other than that I'm done. This is too much.
If you've read this far, thank you. If anyone out there is willing, I'd really appreciate having someone to chat with.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Sertraline (Zoloft) questions, super grateful if anyone could help me out So I’ve been on sertraline (AKA Zoloft) for about 5 years now, honestly really helped me out, give it a solid 8.5 outta 10.
Problem being, I’m now engaged and have 0 sex drive. It’s putting a strain on my relationship. I have a doctor appointment but not for another 2 weeks and I’m gonna ask him all the necessary questions but wanted to hear if anyone has experience with this and possible remedies? I REALLY wanna stay on Zoloft as it’s changed my life. If there were some kind of prescription drug to counteract the fact it kills my sex drive or anything like that? Thanks
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self.depression
|
Seeing my uncle and his family tomorrow for the first time in over two years. I’m really nervous about it. The thing is, I love him to death. He’s the only uncle on my dads side who I have an awesome relationship with. Not to mention my cousins and aunt love me too. The only thing I can think of that’s making me feel this way is 1. I haven’t seen them in a good while which makes me feel really awkward and guilty. And 2. My cousins have grown up a lot. To give you an idea, when I was there last they were 15 and 9, now they’re 17 and 11. I know that’s an extremely silly thing to be nervous about but I’m just not good around kids or teenagers. I’m just really nervous I might say something stupid or I’ll just talk myself into a hole like I usually would, and it’s even worse with them since their brains are still developing and anything I say could stay with them forever. Overall I’m aware my worries are ridiculous, but I honesty can’t help it and I just wish this anxiety would stop.
Edit: I’m being downvoted and I’m not sure why. If I’m breaking any rules please let me know, whereas if you think my post doesn’t belong here I’d love a suggestion for an alternate subreddit.
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self.Anxiety
|
Anyone else go to the bathroom just to be alone and get away from everything?
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self.depression
|
I want to leave but I feel as if this might be the best it gets Truthfully, my past relationships have been worse than her, some even far worse than I'd like to think about.
I'm getting older too, I want to have a family someday and I don't want to be alone, even during the times when I want to run from her, I don't want to be alone and by myself.
And I'm sure I can make it better, or figure out how to eventually.
I'm just tired and worn down from all the yelling and screaming, the temper tantrums with the foot stomping, fist slamming and throwing things. I'm tired of the one sided arguments in which I refuse to scream in and often times participate in until she calms down. I'm tired of being the only side with empathy, the only one willing to admit their potential faults, trying to be understanding and having it all shoved down my throat without any remorse.
I'm just tired and I want to run away or take a break, but this is possibly the best it gets and I don't want to lose that.
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self.offmychest
|
I hope this gets to someone, cause it got to myself, I wrote it myself just now. I'm deep n depressed as fuck what does this make me another list on the fucking wall? Wall of what? Wall of shame? But it ain't the same because I'm going through this whether you like it or not, I'm not just trying to test myself or test my limits but a part of me wishes you would just step back from a side of me that looks utterly undistinguished cause I'd rather you have sound in me that doesn't vibrate internally. Shadows of myself I can't control the urge to look into the dark gloom of those false positive glows of nothingness that seem to a part of me that can't and won't let go. Fucking trial after trial, don't you think a day should come and go by where you don't go fucking inside that endless pit of what is you but you can't get out cause it's what is woven into you for what could seem an eternity. If you think this is what is, a suicide note, better get your mind out of that conception cause I won't be ending anything on my mothers watch, cause not a second ticks by that I don't think of what damage would be done and you can't control yourself sometimes so it gets to be scary when you want something to happen in a way but the overwhelming doom that seems to be a hold of you, you can't let these brain pathways manifest into a great becoming of a better version of what you used to be. But, I've seen it and heard about a number a times I don't need rhymes to get this through to your head that you're not yet dead and I think all this control that you have a hold of yourself is getting to you, isn't it? And if you don't have someone there to pull you out from where you think you're down there, then just sit around and listen for a second maybe just around for a day, cause I don't know what you've been through but I know it can't take your breath away for long enough to keep you trapped under every burden ever scarring you, and if I ever for a second get to hearing that you're taking advice and listening to the illusion that you won't come out of this, just look into their eyes and scream with a sovereign tone of entitlement, cause just for once, JUST FOR ONCE, you deserve more from not only them, but from yourself?!
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I dont know anymore This is a throwaway account.
I'm sorry I've gotten to this point i need help. My life is in total shambles.
I was born without a dad. He went to jail when i was born, never grew up with one. My mom had me at a young age, so she was kicked out of the house and i grew up poor and bullied. Im a really short guy, only made it worse. Got my ass kicked almost every day until 10th grade. I was still determined to make something of myself, even though i graduated with a 1.7 in highschool. I was too short to ever get a girl, found one but she cheated on me with my best friend. I felt so alone, never could go through that humilation again. I found another girl, and i love her so much. I never would do a thing to hurt her.
I always wanted to help people in my life, but i never seem to be able to help myself or anyone else. I joined the Army with the intention of getting my degree and joining the FBI, but i suck at my job. Every day i walk to work and I'm called a piece of shit by my leadership because my work ethic is garbage, I'm late somedays and I'm im horrible shape and failed my last PT test. They're acting happy that I'm close to getting kicked out.
My one light in life was my girlfriend. Its been 3 years years together and today she came out to me saying shes been struggling to accept shes gay but shes finally coming out. We cant be together anymore. She was my one rock in life and now thats gone. I get harrased and made fun of at work, and now my rock is gone.
Im finally done with this. I suck at my job and i cant do a fucking thing right. Ive wanted to do this all my life and i suck at it. If i get kicked out i cant get a government job and my lifelong dream is gone. I cant get mental help because I'll still get kicked out of the Army. I have nothing to look forward too and the girl i was going to propose too over christmas left me. I'm alone, and right now it doesn't look like i have any doors left in life. I dont think i want to die, some please just help.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My sister is engaged to a dickhead. After many months of struggling to swallow my pride and accept that who my sister loves is not up to me, I gave her fiance the benefit of the doubt and a clean slate. Spent the weekend with them and over the course of 8 hours, he managed to:
-say that everyone from my city is a piece of shit, literally to my face
-use the N-word half a dozen times and make a blatantly racist comment about why african americans are disadvantaged
-complain about dirty immigrants ruining his country while his fiance was in the middle telling me about how in church they were learning to love everyone. In the same conversation he unironically mentioned that greek rhetoric comes from the bible.
-Scream death threats at the TV and use a litany of racial slangs over his sports team losing.
So yeah. I'm having trouble looking my sister in the eye and saying, "I'm so happy for you!" Just wanted somebody else to hear about it.
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self.offmychest
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I finally figured out the difference between you and I I never did anything to hurt you.
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self.offmychest
|
Bipolars, what are your manic beliefs? Bipolars, what are your manic beliefs?
I’ve always been absolutely fascinated with the psychology of bipolar disorder. I am making a post about for the simple fact that I have not been able to find much information about it. Whilst medical science concludes that delusions are simply biological malfunctioning, I am convinced that there is more to it than that.
For instance, why are all the delusions so common? For instance, delusions of grandeur, delusions of persecution, delusions of reference, etc.- what actually causes these? Why not something random like the belief that one is a chicken (although I suppose this is not impossible!)?
When I think about this, the easy answer for something like delusions of grandeur is it is because the ego is underdeveloped, or broken on some level, so that it subconsciously creates a belief in one’s omnipotence or omniscience, to generate a feeling of power and euphoria. I’m not sure, however, if it is the belief that generates the feeling, or if it is the feeling that generates the belief. The most amount of information I have found on this topic is from the work of C.G. Jung and his theory of the archetypes.. using the example above, one makes the mistake of identifying with the god archetype, instead of merely being aware of it.
Also, what about the powerful feelings of spiritual or religious connection, of being hooked up to the so-called divine?
In parallel, when one is depressed they can also be delusional; they believe that they are the worst person in the world, or that they are the cause of all the world's suffering, etc. A similar process seems to be at work, but with rather destructive feelings and beliefs.
Anyway, I always love hearing other people's experiences. Please feel free to share your stories, and any thoughts you may have about this.
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self.bipolar
|
How were you diagnosed? Just curious what circumstances drove you to seek a diagnoses? Have a friend who is exhibiting bp behaviors, but unsure of how to discuss it with him, he is on a massive upswing right now, and people around him are starting to notice his behavior. He expresses deep distrust in psychologists and therapists and insists he is fine even though his behaviors are causing issues at work and in his personal life. Hoping for some light to be shed on helpful conversations that myself and his friend group could have with him.
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self.bipolar
|
I plan on killing myself after graduation in May Im just tired of this crippling disease i have.
It eats me up day to day. Taunts me. I cant even look at myself half the time.
Ive always had major issues with self hate and wanting to 'fit in' and i only made matters worse for myself giving into these fantasized thoughts of becoming who i truly am. It was good on paper, but im so scared it just wont work for me and ill never be good enough for myself.
I feel like im being thoroughly punished. I wasnt a very good person in highschool. I manipulated, cheated, backstabbed, judegmental and i feel like the world is just calmy performing natural selection and thats why im having these thoughts.
I lost pretty much 99% of my social life and circle of friends.
The best thing ive ever done is not have a kid - so glad my gene pool is cut off
My mom cries saying its hard on her and i hate seeing her cry over me.
I promised my family id graduate and get my degree. They have no idea i plan on killing myself shortly after.
Being trans sucks.
I see my therapist in a week. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I dont think im changing my mind
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self.SuicideWatch
|
That moment when you think love is a thing Within a few weeks
"Hey fuck you I don't your ass anymore"
I'm bottling it up until I have heartbreak
I need to cry.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
To be honest...... I’m just surprised to see how many people feel the same way I do sometimes.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I am so very tired.... I have nightmares. Every night. I don't know how related this is to my bipolar or my medicine (buproprion, lexapro, latuda, lamictal, lithium, and gabapentin). I grew up with nightmares and night terrors and I slept walked/spoke, plus had insomnia, all from around the age of 7. As for right now, generally when I am stable I don't have any major problems sleeping, but here I am now. I think that, in addition to the nightmares, I am sleepwalking again, but I live alone so that is hard to verify. Plus I wake up confused a lot. I guess my major question is if this is happening to anyone else, if anyone knows if it could be related to a particular medication, and, most of all, is it reasonable to assume that these nightmares are why I feel so exhausted all of the time, even though, hours wise, I am asleep for probably 9 a night. It seems like some stupid questions, but I am really looking for some reassurance. Thanks all.
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self.bipolar
|
I'm 22 and recently lost everything that gave me a purpose in life [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Just waiting for that date Waiting, just over a month, until i can allow myself to do this. I feel the need, the compulsion to end it all. Every second of every day, i get maybe a hour a day of my old depression, the bareable sort. I dont know how people who are suicidal are able to do anything. I get frustrated when i talk to people, that im a inconvinience the second i say anything and all i can ever think about is the fine details i havnt quite sorted out yet.
Im seeking help with CAMHS within their crisis team but everythings so much, its so hard to survive. I cant wait until natural selection takes its path. Im 17 and my life isnt bad, im good academically, i have college friends, just no actual ones, im not stupid, i am financially good, im in a stable home.
Lifes just such a bore, nothing new, its always the same, the only thing that changes is it gets worse day by day. A knife only helps for a few mins, until im back at square 1 again.
Im all down for help, its why im getting some irl right now, but i dont have any hope for it.
Ugh, needed to write something down, somewhere. Thanks if you read this
Edit: I like memes though, i think memes is my only motivation to do anything tbh. I only see 3-4 actually good memes a day, but for a second when i see them, i feel normal
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Feeling like I’m back to where I started. I’ve been feeling a lot better even since beginning 50mg sertraline in early November. My social anxiety has been almost non-existent, lessened general anxiety, and rarely a depressed mood.
I was triggered recently by someone who popped back into my life. Today I experienced paranoia that everyone didn’t like me at work, I kept stumbling over my words, and I was hyper aware of all my actions.
I have a checkup in March, and if this persists, I’ll bring it up to my PCP. I also want to make an appointment to begin therapy as soon as I get some extra money. I may also express to her concerns that I possibly have borderline personality disorder.. which isn’t on a whim (there are many reasons why I believe so, only recently understood all of the symptoms clearly).
I think I just need to vent. I was so happy that I thought I was over this shit. I feel like I’ve been catapulted back to square 1.
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self.Anxiety
|
What happens to the people who can't afford "Internet Packages" since Net Neutrality is repealed? Or is everyone overreacting? If everyone's not overreacting to the possibilities here, what about the insomniac college student up at 2 AM who needs to watch their favourite webshow to fall asleep, but can't afford a $10 YouTube package, and lives off of ramen noodles due to their economic status? Or those who make minimum wage, but want to listen to religious music, sermons, encouragement and meditations on YouTube, and can't afford it? Or the 5 year old in the hospital for chemo, who wants to stream their favourite cartoon, but their family is knee-deep in medical bills and can't afford the $20 package to watch Netflix or Hulu? What happens to the person living in a rural area who has one choice in ISP and there's no package deal for said ISP to use Amazon or Ebay, but there's also no stores nearby to purchase the item they want?
I know it might seem like I'm blowing this out of proportion, but everyone says these things will happen now; that in a few months, I'll be paying $10 for Facebook and Twitter to keep in contact with long-distance family members. And I have no clue what'll happen and I don't know where else to ask or get this off my chest because other subs on the subject are a free-for-all today since the repeal.
I'm worried for these people.
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self.offmychest
|
Health anxiety My body gets "weird" sometimes and I'm sure it's just normal things that I'm hyper aware of, but I can't help but think that it's all early symptoms of some sort of illness or disease. I've always been healthy, but I've always kind of thought I have some disease, though it's highly unlikely I dont. Like right now my feet don't have a lot of feeling and I'm starting the panic over it even though I'm sure I'm fine.
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self.Anxiety
|
Plane crash anxiety? I have to go on a flight in a few hours, and I'm worried how that the plane I'm boarding will be the plane that will crash and cause 9/11 2.0. I've been on planes before many times, and I've always had this fear yet nothing happens. I see shady-looking people sitting near me and I instantly think "I need to brace myself, because that person is probably going to head towards the cockpit, take out the pilots, and kill us all." It never happens, but the fact that it is possible scares me.
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self.Anxiety
|
Tips and tricks to deal with your anxiety? I want to bring in the new year with a new attitude when facing my severe anxiety. My anxiety has controlled me long enough. I’m 23, jobless, and driver license-less (lol I always feel like I’m gonna kill a small family while behind the wheel. I hate this!) due to my severe anxiety and depression. I do go to school full time, but I feel like I’m capable of so much more if I just get a hold of my anxiety! I’d love to know any tricks, tips, and advice you guys may have in combating your own anxiety. :-)
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self.Anxiety
|
New Year's Resolution: Get myself to a fucking shrink. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
This world has some seriously fucked up priorities I was browsing Reddit and saw someone posted [this image]( https://imgur.com/a/lGh2E) and it stirred up a mix of emotions including anger and deep sadness for a few different reasons.
The first was about my grandpa. I live with him and he is a Vietnam veteran. A person who had to see and smell the worst things known to humanity. He refuses to touch any kind of fish because of the massive piles of rotting fish in the abandoned villages they would come across.
He doesn't talk about it a lot. I think through my 18 years of listening to him, I've only heard him talk about it for maybe 5 minutes total. And the reason is fucked. When the war was going on, there were massive protests in the States calling an end to it, but for the wrong reasons. When he got home, he wasn't greeted. He was not honored or forgiven for what he had to do and see.
He was spat on. He was called names. I remember him saying the first thing he did when he stepped off the plane was head to the bathroom and changed out of his uniform because he didn't want to be seen in it because of what he feared people would do to him.
That was one reason the image stirred me up. The 2nd is more personal.
I'm a bisexual man with a boyfriend and we love each other past the moon and the stars. We were both very depressed and now we have each other to support. But, it seems the world doesn't see it that way.
Our school is pretty homophobic. There's some cool people who have no problem with it but on our bus ride home, we're surrounded by people who make it their mission in life to embarrass or harass us.
All I have to say is that love is love. People have this image that gay people are only after sex or some other bullshit. I'll tell you right now straight from my mouth, I would die for my partner if it means I could save them. It's not a sexual or friends with benefits relationship. It's a relationship where true love is involved and I would do anything in this world to make my partner happy.
It seems people still feel the need to protest something that does not affect their lives. Why do you care who I love? Love knows no gender, personality is ultimately what matters.
Thank you.
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self.depression
|
I'm tired of being suicidal I've been depressed since I was probably around 13, that's when my life started on a steady decline over the next six years that lead me to where I am now. It started off tame at first, it was just more of a mild sadness but as time went on and I started becoming an adult, that sadness did too. Every morning I struggle to wake up against three alarms and every night I struggle to sleep because my mind won't stop racing about anything and everything, but most of all how much I hate myself. My depression has gotten so much worse along with the rest of my life over the past year. I've been working the same minimum wage, dead end job the entire time but I'm too scared to look for a new job because I'm an awkward fuck and scared I won't get along with my coworkers like I do at my current job. I picked up smoking and now I smoke a little over a pack a day, I picked up drinking and every week there's at least one day where I get fucked up enough to forget the entire night. Every time I get drunk I go on suicidal tirades and lately it's even turned to self harm with me burning myself with cigarettes. Every day I feel a little more mentally worn out than the one before and at the rate I'm going I might even end up indirectly killing myself. I'm so tired of it all.
Every now and then the sadness will ease up a little and I'll have an uncharacteristic optimism for myself. I've accepted being miserable and I planned to stick with it until I call it quits on life, but at the same time when these optimistic days pop I just feel the strongest desire to change it but I can't find the motivation. I'll always tell myself "starting on this day, I'm gonna quit it all, I'm gonna give the cigarettes away, I'm gonna dump the booze, I'm gonna start riding my bike again instead of taking uber everywhere, I'm going to improve." And then the next morning comes and I wake up and smoke a cigarette and then another and then a few more and then the packs gone. Then next Monday comes and 7PM rolls around and I start drinking and by 11 I'm on the brink of crying and telling anyone who will listen to me online about how much I want to die. I just want to improve myself, I want to quit killing my lungs and I want to quit being a fat piece of shit and I want to get in shape and I want to become the attractive, sociable, appealing person I believe I could be if I just had the fucking guts to commit to something for once in my life. I know I could do it if I wanted to, I've quit smoking at times in the past for weeks cold turkey with mild-at-best withdrawal effects and no urges, I'm not an alcoholic so the booze wouldn't be a problem, I rode my bike 10 miles a day going to and from work for 6 months before I started being too lazy to do that. I know I can do this, and I know that I won't.
I don't even know where I'm going with this, maybe I'm just hoping that writing it all down like this will somehow bring a sudden realization in me and I'll finally do all these things that I know I can do or that it will somehow give the motivation to do it. Maybe I just need a place to vent where I can pretend people care since I don't even friends or family to vent to, I don't know.
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self.offmychest
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life I want to kill myself because. breke up with my gf I really miss her a lot and think about her. after breaking up with her I drink a lot and do hard drug and I don't have any friend at all and I hate my disability big time. no one knows me who I am and feeling so depressed and sad
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self.depression
|
I can’t move. 23F. I come home and plop on the couch/bed for hours. I should be studying, but I’m running through a million thoughts, worries, stresses, anxieties and paranoias in my head. Scrolling through news feeds over and over and over. There are 2 baskets of clean laundry in my closet that’ve been sitting untouched for 2 months. My husband thinks I’m just lazy but I’m not doing this on purpose.
I haven’t slept for over 3-4 hours consistently in almost 2 weeks.
I am highly suspicious of everyone, loved ones included. Today I drove an extra mile because I felt like the person behind me was following me and I didn’t want them to see where I lived. They were only behind me for a few minutes. This is one of the reasons why I don’t leave the house unless I have to. I’m a wreck on the inside, unmotivated and numb. I don’t tell anyone these things, but I feel safe here with strangers, idk. I don’t want to be like this. Starting meds this week if the VA pulls through.
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self.depression
|
2018 Resolution : get more consistent about praising myself for skillful choices I want to tell someone, "HEY LOOK WHAT I'M DOING!" but I don't have anyone here, so I'd like to tell y'all ♡
It's a sunny day, but cold. I'm going to go for a walk and look for some geocaches. It was hard to figure out what to do today, because I didn't want to do the activities that I was going to do with other people before they flaked on me.
Going for a walk holds no appeal, but it seems healthier than sitting in my room being anxious. So, go me! I'm gonna go put my warm clothes on now. I'll update y'all with my resolution progress if that isn't too annoying.
Remember...PRAISE YOURSELF ALL DAY! 😃 We deserve it!
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self.depression
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LDR Military boyfriend (24) of 4 years coming home and I (22) feel uneasy about it. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Lithium Question - missing a day Hello,
So I have a quick question. Due to an error on my part, I put in my prescription request two days late, yesterday instead of Wednesday. The notice on the desk said that a prescription put in on Friday will be ready on Tuesday. I went home and found out that I only have enough Lithium for two days (last night and tonight). By my reckoning, I will be able to get the pills Tuesday morning but will be without Sunday and Monday.
Will missing those two doses affect me? Should I call the doctor's on Monday and see if they can rush the order?
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self.bipolar
|
Sitting In The Holding Room At Psychiatric Hospital Almost 4 yrs into treatment resistant bipolar depression, I'm in my second psych hospitalization in less than a month. It is costing a shit ton of money that we can't afford.
I totally suck as a contributing member of society—much less as a wife, grandmother, mother, aunt.
They're planning ECT. I hope I never wake up. It would be better for all concerned.
I'm beyond sad. I'm just numb.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I think i just had my first attack Last night I had a dream that I was working on an essay. While working on it I realized it was not a 2 page essay but 8, and all my effort was wasted on two pages. I woke up, not only fucking out of my mind about the page count, but also still thinking I had the essay to do by tomorrow.
Even though I knew the essay wasn't real, in my mind it was real and anxiety inducing.
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self.Anxiety
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Having a few people to have a meaningful conversation with means i get to save more battery life [deleted]
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self.depression
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Quote on depression from a book I’m reading I just read this in “The Emperor of Ocean Park” by Stephen L. Carter and found it to be fitting in some respects. Thought others might also:
“Depression is seductive: it offends and teases, frightens you and draws you in, tempting you with its promise of sweet oblivion, then overwhelming you with a nearly sexual power, squirming past your defenses, dissolving your will, invading the tired spirit so utterly that it becomes difficult to recall that you ever lived without it...or to imagine that you might live that way again. With all the guile of Satan himself, depression persuades you that it’s invasion was all your own idea, that you wanted it all along. It fogs the part of the brain that reasons, that knows right and wrong. It captures you with its warm, guilty, hateful pleasures, and, worst of all, it becomes familiar. All at once, you find yourself in thrall to the very thing that most terrifies you. Your work slides, your friendships slide, your marriage slides, but you scarcely notice: to be depressed is to be half in love with disaster.”
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self.bipolar
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Agoraphobic and Sleeping Over at Niece's House. Terrified but also Excited for the trip! Long story short: housebound for 2 years, in recovery mode now. My niece who is 11 has been begging me for months to do this. I'm scared, anxious, nauseous and worried about what's going to happen (probably nothing but that's how this Agoraphobia thing likes to fool me into thinking that something will). I have a 15 mn car ride there. Next town over. That's it. A town I grew up in. We will be leaving after dusk most likely which will help. Will be passing landmarks that I know well and that are familiar. Once I get there hopefully it's gonna be okay. Please send me your support and prayers. I really need to do this for my niece (who's been wonderful through all of this), myself, and my sanity.
**Update:** I have been having a blast! We made slime with a Nickelodeon home made slime kit lols. She is super funny and so much fun! I love this kid, this stay has been amazing.
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self.Anxiety
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Thinking about asking my psychiatrist about changing my prescription and I have a few questions [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Does anyone else find that positive affirmations make them feel worse? I've been through a couple of different self help books and cbt sessions and positive affirmations always seem like such a huge part of their advice on overcoming anxiety.
But I feel like I have such an adverse reaction to them, trying to make myself accept and believe them is so jarring and can actually really set my anxiety off really badly.
Does anyone else get this?
Is it worth trying to push through these feelings until they stick or is it better to forget them and try to focus on other treatment?
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self.Anxiety
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I always feel sick and anxious after posting on here. I always feel nauseous and anxious any time I comment of post, even on this subreddit. I just feel like everything I say is dumb and that people are judging me. It's so hard because I really want to reach out and connect with those similar to me. I hate to think of others suffering alone so I do comment occasionally, but then I can't look at Reddit for hours after. I'm so afraid I've received bad comments and response to what I've wrote that I avoid even looking at my phone.
I just wish I could reach out to the right people and not feel so alone.
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self.Anxiety
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Am I having a relapse/ I hate being bipolar and need to rant. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I feel like Zoloft (sertraline) is turning me into a psychopath 19 year old here, 1st year student in college studying theoretical economics and philosophy.
I've been taking 100mgs of Zoloft for the past 3ish years and I've recently noticed (mainly because being alone on valentines day in college) that I just don't have that many feelings for others anymore. If you ask any one of my friends who knew me in 10th grade or before, they would probably tell you how caring I was. If I saw some one in pain or struggling on classwork, I would drop what I was doing and put 100% of my attention on them. Up until 11th grade (when the Zoloft started working) I always was thinking about asking girls out, who I had a crush on... etc. I was completely grossed out by blood of any kind, If I saw even a bloody cut or something like that on the internet it would give me chills and sometimes even nightmares.
Now I feel like all of those feelings are almost gone. I have no problem looking at mangled corpses, car crash victims, or even beheadings. Hell, looking at some of those images and videos actually kind of excites me, in the way that it releases adrenalin, I like that feeling (don't think I'm a murder like on TV, I just now like looking at pictures of gory stuff, especially operations, I have 0 intentions of hurting anyone or anything). The only times I feel like it is my duty to help others is only when I am very close friends with them, other wise I couldn't give a fuck.
I don't feel really attracted to anyone anymore. I don't really get that feeling of "I want to date her, or I wanna hookup with her". I mean I still feel attracted to girls but I don't really get that relationship feeling anymore. It's like the way they said it on Stranger Things season 2, the "electricity". I mean when I'm very close friends with a girl I do somewhat feel like I want to be in a relationship with them but I really don't want to ask them out and risk losing a friend or even making it awkward between us. I'm pretty terrible when it comes to making new friends and keeping the ones I have so I try to be careful to not lose them when I have them.
If I personally see someone get injured or struggle on their school work, I just don't care about helping them anymore. I have no problem lying, manipulating or breaking the rules to get my way. I mean in high school I never broke any rule, I would always tell the truth even if I knew it would get me in trouble.
Maybe the word 'psychopath' isn't correct, maybe 'emotionally-numbed' fits better.
Sorry for the rambling. Last night I was talking to a good friend of mine who I have a thing for and I told her a lot of this stuff. She said she was afraid of me. That's the last thing I would ever want to happen.
I honestly don't know if the Zoloft is helping that much any more. I'm starting to think that its making things worse. I started taking it because in 10th grade, I struggled with depression and anxiety due to lots of bullying and very little friends. The anxiety disorder runs through my dad's side of the family so I wouldn't be surprised if I had some sort of it. I also very recently got diagnosed with ADHD and the amphetamines I've been taking have made my depression/anxiety disappear completely. I actually feel more confident and fearless talking to new people. Plus I can actually get my work done.
So yeah. I've already called my doctor about some of this stuff and I'm waiting on an answer. What do you guys think? (I know probably none of you are qualified doctors, I just wanted that first hand experience for a second opinion.
TL;DR: Taking Zoloft, feel like a psychopath.
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self.Anxiety
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Winter break is going to fucking suck Everyone I know can’t wait for winter break. I guess I understand why, you don’t have to worry about school for 2 weeks. But I’m dreading it. If I had school instead, at least I could distract myself with schoolwork and talk with my only 2 friends. Break is gonna suck because I’ll be alone for 2 weeks straight because my family barely talks to me anymore and my friends always ignore my texts, while everyone else is going to be having a great time. I’m so jealous of their happiness
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self.depression
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Felt Fine for a while... Anyone else ever have a period of feeling OK, being able to handle and process emotions effectively (mostly) and overall enjoying life, and then suddenly wake up and feel "off" and like everything in the world is just pure crap?
That happened to me today. Then my vacation two weeks from now was threatened and it's stressing me out. Just opened the flood gates.
How do you cope? I've got therapeutic yoga this afternoon, and I have Tamazepam for these occasions, but looking for suggestions.
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self.bipolar
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Just checking in Hey all,
Just checking in here. They changed up my meds after the most recent trip to the hospital in April. Latuda 60 and Lithium 600 now.
I was almost stupid enough to think that I was finally done with this, that I was finally stable, but had another episode late in October. If there's one immutable truth to Bipolar Disorder it's that there's always another episode. Damn.
That being said, tiny gods lithium. I mean I didn't sleep for six days. Was super agitated and grandiose and paranoid. Relapsed on self harm. But I functioned. I held down my job. I didn't get hospitalized.
I'm thinking more and more that this weird perfect ideal of baseline stability I long for isn't realistic. It's never going to happen. There's always going to be the highs and the inevitable crashes. But it's okay. Because with the meds and the lifetime's worth of therapy I'm in I can actually stay a member of society.
I may be a little more scarred and cracked than most people, but goddamnit I'm a person. I don't belong in restraints anymore.
There is hope.
Love you all. Be well.
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self.bipolar
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Depersonalization I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, and major depressive order. However I don't necessarily like having my symptoms defined by a diagnosis. Just giving them as some background for me. Does anyone else suffer from what I can best describe it as depersonalization? It literally feels like I am a passenger in my own body. Like I am looking through a pin hole and just going through the motions. Like I don't even exist and my body is just doing what it always does to survive. These feelings are usually quite intense and don't last for more than an hour. They seem to come with or without trigger. These feelings are so scary, surreal and I hate them. Anyone else experience this?
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self.Anxiety
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I'm supposed to be starting Lithium today, what should I expect? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I want someone to talk to, who has been here before. After a failed relationship a year ago I'm still having suicidal thoughts. I'm really low at the moment, I just need someone who understands.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Feeling like you're being chased constantly Hey y'all, I've been experiencing some paranoia weirdness and I was hoping for some advice or insight. My problem (besides being bipolar in general), is that since I have gotten on Lithium, which has done wonders for me mood-wise, I feel like there is something behind me, chasing me all the time.
Originally it came with a pretty intense sense of dread and ideas that the govt is watching me and wanting to lock me up and the shadowy-nonsense was part of the conspiracy. I've since sorta learned to just let it happen, but it is so exhausting to keep the fear at bay. In anyone else's experience Is there a medication, method, technique that would help me with this?
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self.bipolar
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I feel like I’m incapable of love and going out of my comfort zone and attempting to make new friends [deleted]
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self.depression
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31.12 is the date If nothing changes till then and I have to be alone on that night I cant help it but end it. Every single second of my life is agony.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Confused about my diagnosis So I was diagnosed with mixed bipolar 6 months ago. Last month my depression got a little worse and I went to see a new doctor and he told me not to over think about my diagnosis and he said I shouldn't trust or rely on my diagnosis and highly doubt if I actually had bipolar because my manic stage wasn't "crazy" enough. And I started questioning myself and I stopped all my meds including lexapro and depakine for over a month. I've been feeling fine and no mania or severe depression. So...am I healed???????? I do get a little depressed now and then but nothing like how I used to get where I would cut myself or do harmful things to myself. I do feel fine or even better without meds. I don't know what I should do or feel anymore tho. Am I still bipolar? I used to get hypomania a lot and easily but not anymore. I feel numb, nothing to be excited or upset about anymore. And I don't know what to trust anymore. I know bipolar doesn't just go away and heal by itself, so was I just misdiagnosed? Or is it just the silence before the storm? I'm so confused.
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self.bipolar
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I am just so ridiculously happy right now but I have no one to tell So there.
I told *you*!
And you gave enough of a shit to click to read more, so thanks for that.
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self.offmychest
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Freshman in College + Depression = Pure Shit I don't know where to start or where to end. My life is fucking over and it's all my fault. I suffer from depression (no shit) and I haven't been attending class for months as it is physically impossible for me to do so. Some days I can't even eat. I don't know what to do.
I was on financial aid and a scholarship. I needed a 3.0 to maintain that certain scholarship and a 2.0 to maintain financial aid. I know right off the bat there there is no way I have any of those. My parents have 5 other children all younger than me so there is no fucking way they could play for college. I feel ashamed and embarrassed for not only having depression but also because my parents will be furious and disappointed in their first born not making it. It sucks that this is it for me.
My education is over and it's all my fault. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can do. I feel like if I just tried harder, I could've went to class. I could've gone to do my tests.
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self.depression
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tough night So I just realized I have something of which i have about an LD50 of, and it made me freeze up for a few minutes. And it's been a long time since I didn't feel safe with myself, though I don't think I feel all that safe right now. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was about 13, I'm 25 now.
I recently made a promise to a/only friend to wait 10 years before killing myself, and I have the day marked into my calendar even. Though I don't know if I could kill myself before my parents, or at least my mom dies anyway.
I'm not sure what I want here I just, I'm sitting here, 25, and basically I don't have any meaningful social circle. nearly all of my days and evenings are spent alone. I don't have alcohol but usually it helps a little, temporarily at least. I might go out and get some.
I really don't know what to do right now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't want to be lonely, but at the same time I do. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Guys there’s anyone here who also has sleep paralysis in a daily basis caused by bipolar? So I always had episodes of sleep paralysis, since I was a kid but there were not so regularly. Since I was diagnosed with bipolar, that was when I had 14 years old I’m now 21 but back then I didn’t know that what I was having was sleep paralysis I thought it was nightmare and hallucinations, so two years ago I discovered by googling that I was experiencing SP, since I’ve struggle a lot with it, earlier this year I decided to see a “sleep doctor” sleep specialist and I did that test that you spend the night in a lab and they watch your sleep. So the result came in and I went to the doctor appointment and she said that everything was normal but the SP happens to me regularly because of my bipolar and there’s basically nothing that can be done about that, she said that the medicine she would prescribe to help with SP would affect my bipolar and it could initiate manic and depressive episodes so I cried and everytime I go to sleep and I have a very aggressive and confusing experience with SP i get bitter and bitter but also hopeless cause I can’t even take a nap during the day it’s literally a constant fear of falling asleep. But like I’m dealing you know, somethings are not on my control I guess, I can try to be more positive and be more racional during the episode but still I can’t be free from them.
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self.bipolar
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Starve myself to death. I'm very sorry if my post is a ramble, or else too short. My thought process is too scrambled at the moment to focus on anything. But even if nobody responds, I feel I may as well get this out. I hate myself. Other people hate me, and I may as well rid them of my burden. But I tried hanging, and I fucked that up. Wouldn't want anything messy to help others avoid cleanup duty, couldn't jump in front of a train or car so that I don't traumatise the driver.
So I may as well waste away. Maybe once it starts hurting I'll know if I'm really here or just stuck in some sick escapist fantasy, actually in the past.
If I am, I wake up. If I'm not, I get some rest. That'd be nice.
I don't want to die. I suppose that's the distinction. I want some rest. My life, every event, every conversation, I've seen it all before, it just feels like the past keeps turning back up. No matter how much progress I make, it just feels like a loop. I go into severe paranoid episodes that I'm stuck in timeloops, and this isn't helping. I feel this is a way to break the cycle.
I wake up to go to sleep. That's it. So figure I may as well take that to its logical extreme and live to die.
Death is sort of the great sleep, isn't it?
Either I break free from the loops, or I break free from life altogether. Truth be told, either option is more appealing than the present.
If I fade away, maybe I'll eventually have some saccharine epiphany, and finally "be alive". Don't care. Anything but this.
Please.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How do I choose what to study after high school when every possible decision is clouded by anxiety? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I feel forever alone I feel so forever alone (I know I am only 22) and I receive practically no attention from men (not even really from unattractive old men either) which lowers my self confidence. I am told I have a babyface/look young. I work on my appearance and I am 5'4 and weigh 120 lbs but even being thin doesn't get me noticed by men that much. I haven't been hit on in two years and I have never EVER had a guy ask for my number before or ask me out, barely ever catcalled. I do go out to grocery stores, coffee shops, college classes, I tried joining some organizations and volunteering but I've never received any male interest and I am about to graduate college this year. I travel by plane back and forth a lot between the state I was raised and the state I attend college, but no guy has ever struck up a conversation to initiate any interest. I have been told I am beautiful a handful of times by people I do not know well and my one friend say you look good but I can't help but to think they are lying because I wouldn't still be single. Yea, I am a shy girl but I am sure there are other shy girls who have men running after them. I get so jealous of women who seem to have no problems with finding men to like them and it seems like many other women on reddit have no problems getting noticed by men. If it wasn't for online dating, I would still be a virgin and I would never be able to find a boyfriend. I seriously get so depressed.
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self.depression
|
I've been called an unsuccessful person. I've been in depression for years and I've never opened up to anyone about it.
It's very serious and I have my reasons.
My family is very unstable financially.
Ultimately it led to me isolating myself from every single person and activity in my life.
I became a nobody and after a point no one really ( from my friend circle) asked about me, texted me or called me ( this went for about 6months).
Yesterday I got back in touch with a couple of my friends and till now they knew that something was off in my life but they didn't ask me anything about it( I guess they didn't really know how to approach me).
My depression and suicidal ideation had a big impact on my education and I landed up in a really bad college..... They joked about how I was already an unsuccessful person / a failure in life because I was studying in one of the worst colleges and they are actually going to the best colleges the state has to offer.
I'm only 19 and
I know that small talk like this is insignificant and holds no value because i have a lot of time left to do something but I cannot get over it.
It feels awful and to make things worse, all of them have their pockets full with their dads money.
They probably don't have to work as hard as I do and they will always be secure because of their wealth.
I'm in the complete opposite situation.
I can't get over this small remard they made...... It just makes me angry and at the same time it makes me feel horrible.
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self.depression
|
Suicide/depression/anxiety help, new to this first time. Hi everyone, im new to reddit and wouldnt mind some peoples opinions. Ive never done this before so dont know how it will come out or how it will come across but its something i feel i need to do.
Ive suffered with social anxiety all my life, ive always just thought i was shy, nervous etc and have only thought about it the past few years (im 23 btw). Im currently at university in my second year and im struggling super bad with my anxiety. I struggle on my course, i struggle with friends, i barely ever go in with my panic attacks 24/7 or just the feelings i get from my peers on my course or the work etc etc. Im just tyring to summarise a bit and im probably writing for the sake of writing so im sorry.
I havent been into uni for months, im still trying to do the work by myself, i lie to my mum and brother about how its going as i dontwant to let them down and fail them again. (Ive already failed one year at another uni because of my anxiety and depression. They dont know i have anxiety or depression, i plucked up the courage to go to my doctors about it 8 years odd later and was diagnosed with it. I rejected the medication as again i got too worried and scared. I lied to my GP when i saw her about suicidal thoughts and drugs, was that the right thing to do? i DONT want people to treat me differently or have to go to any hosiptal etc. Should i go back and tell them im suicidal? the thoughts are increasing, ive googled the best ways i think to do it etc ive thought of lots of thing around it, such as how ive let my parents down if i fail uni again etc.
Also i dont know if i shoud talk to a friend about this. Ive only ever talked to a mental health practitioner about how i feel, but again not fully about suicidal thoughts etc. Ive got one friend who im super close with, ive known her for 3 years, shes had depression like me and i got her through hers but never told her about mine. I never really understood that i had it when she told me about hers. i basically want to tell her about everything, she already knows everything about me but this, she knows about my anxiety and meetings with people about it. But should i tell her about my suicidal thoughts? i really dont want to affect the relationship i have with her by telling her. (currently crying writing this). Will it affect my friendship with her if i tell her? will she treat me differently? will i regret it?
Also ive started drinking more and taking more drugs like MDMA and cannabis to try stop my worries. What do people think of this? I love the high of MDMA, it just chills me out and gives me such happiness which im struggling to get more and more each day. Im just tyring to forget about this shit world and bubble of worry im in 24/7. I cant even order food at a restaurant etc i get so worried and panicky. Should i try go back to my GP and tell them that ive been taking a fair amount of drugs to stop me feeling like this? (currently on MDMA writing this). Should i tell them about my suicidal thoughts? because i lied the first time, im scared of what will happen, and find it so hard to talk about and say.
Going back to uni, ive not been into one of my modules all year and ive not been put onto the exam timetable. This is freaking me out massively, ive amiled my tutor to say ive been missed off but now im thinking what if they dont let me on it because ive not been there all year or attended anything to do with it. What if this makes me fail uni? I cant do another year out working letting my mum down, id rather end my life, the shame of it all again. ive been thinking of what i could do for a job, always wanted to be a Royal marine ever since i was a kid, but would they let me in? especially with my mental health condition. Ive also thought it would a good job to have as im not afraid to die, ive thought about it so much that im not sure i would mind, it would be an easy way i guess.
Sorry if this doesnt make sense or has come across as just muddled up rubbish. Im just writing off the cuff and just need answers and help. Im stuck in my own head, i cant escape and dont know what to do. Just going to go get pissed now to forget this.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety meds So I’ve been treating my anxiety with pot. I need to be clean for a month for a drug test, so I can do psychiatric diagnostic testing.
That being said I’m finding I’m having a lot of anxiety/stress at work.
I’ve been on Buspar and Clonidine and they didn’t help really.
I’m trying to avoid benzodiazepines. What has worked for you guys prescription or non.
Thanks
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self.Anxiety
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Trying to make a move this weekend I'm trying to ask a girl I know if she wants to hang out.
I don't know. Probably sounds like nothing but for someone who struggles with not only depression but social anxiety it's pretty hard.
Hope I'm going to do it. Might be a step in the right direction I guess... maybe she even says yes.
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self.depression
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I don't even try anymore I've stopped trying to get close to anybody around me because I don't know how to explain why I have literally nobody in my life without coming across as a depressing lonely fuck so I just accept my solitude and embrace it now.
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self.depression
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Topamax and Palinopsia? This morning I woke up and was experiencing illusory palinopsia. I've never had it before. It may not be due to the topamax, but I've only been on it for a few weeks and I know topamax can cause some visual problems. Anyone else had this?
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self.bipolar
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Gonna do it after my holiday in June I'll be going to Austria for my first f1 race with the girl I love but she told me she just wants to be friends with me I can't do just friends but don't wanna not go so I'll do it and after the holiday I've decided to jump my local bridge
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self.SuicideWatch
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Depression and overly eatting food. I realised when stable or hypo food + will power are there. When I am stressed,burnt out & depressed I just want to eat and eat like no off button. I feel so guilty when this happens not sure if this is common with bipolar this year been a learning curve. I am also trying tone down my daily caffine intake.
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self.bipolar
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Quetiapine issues Hi all I am Bipolar 1 due to psychotic thoughts or as my psychiatrist calls them soft psychotic. Anyway I have been working on getting used to Serequel or Quetiapine over the last 6 months. I am up to 200mg at night with top ups for anxiety in the day. The issue I am having is pain in my stomach area. Not sure if it is some minor constipation or stomach but the pain comes when I take it. I know my diet has been affected. I am eating too much too. Just wondering if anyone else has had this?
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self.bipolar
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I have an appointment to finally address my anxiety tomorrow. I'm nervous, it's hard to express everything you been feeling in a doctors office setting when you been feeling it for so many years. I just want relief. Any advice?
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self.Anxiety
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He needs to get better, even at the cost of our relationship And it's so stupid that we can't do both. I've pushed away the one good thing in my life, the thing that made every day almost worth it.
I tried talking to him yesterday and I wanted to tackle the lack of affection between us, but that should have been a sign in itself. He told me the conversation put in perspective that he wasn't in love with me after all, and we should go our separate ways because he's depressed and just needs to do him. While he was gone to college that day, I walked to the beach and just stared off the edge of the rocks for a long time. Someone had lit a prayer candle there, it was wedged between the rocks. I didn't know what to make of it. I walked some more until my knees gave out and I just sat alone crying. No one noticed I was gone, and I didn't say anything.
We talked again after he came back from class. He's going for the rest of the week to stay with his family, and the people who can help him get better. He said he wants to get better and he'll do it for me. Even though he doesn't want to be with me. So I'm stuck, I guess. I need to wait and see if he starts getting better. I just don't want to be here anymore. I was going to use the tiny amount of money I have to buy enough pills to just fall asleep and not wake up, and do that as soon as he left. I couldn't tell him.
I always fuck up the relationships most important to me. I thought he was different, and I though he 'got' it. There's just nothing left here now. I've no money to move out (there is a housing crisis in this city), I'm struggling in my course because of my mental and physical health, my mom is an alcoholic who beat me and would just fucking love it if I came home without graduating, I only have one friend in the city and she has her own stuff going on, I can't walk for more than a few miles/half of the school day without extreme pain in my joints that the docs have been useless in diagnosing and now I need to throw more money I don't have at that situation just to function on a day to day basis. I was only doing this year because I wanted to make him proud of me. And then I'd be finished my course in June and get a proper job and support him.
I'm just so tired and I don't want to do this anymore. Not alone.
Thanks for letting me get this out. My thoughts are a mess and I have nowhere else to turn.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Just had yet another panic, this time at the dentist. I'm done. I cannot take it anymore. Im 24, Male, suffering from panic disorder. I have gotten so much better with my panic attacks but then one thing will set me off.
I just got a cleaning at the dentist today and was shaking and nauseous and panicking from the second I hit the chair. (Keep in mind I don't have a phobia).
On top of that I found out I need a root canal for a random abcess, a post and crown, and 2 fillings.
I just want to be able to do thing in life like travel or go out with friends or go to the dentist without being so uncomfortable that I want to die.
I'm in therapy and medicated but this is too much.
I guess it doesn't matter since I'm going to end it. I'm dying inside and I can't take it
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self.SuicideWatch
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I am done... I met the love of my life here... In this subreddit... I was so happy... Until my family ruined our relationship...
I want to choose a reliable and painless method. I think I'll get a rope and some sleeping pills. What do you guys think I should do?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Bupropion 150 mg I'm going to be starting bupropion xl 150mg, I'm so scared, I had a bad reaction to Zoloft so I'm really scared, Zoloft made me have racing thoughts
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self.Anxiety
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Feeling kind of lost, don't even know if I'm depressed I have been feeling down for the past few months, nothing specific has triggered it or anything, it just kind of happened. I don't even really know how I feel. Sometimes I am just a normal person living their life, but then this feeling of indifference hits and I don't care about anything.
I smoke weed pretty much every day. Its not like I have a group of friends who do it with me, it's just me in my room alone. I don't know if I do it because I just enjoy being high or I need it to feel happiness in my mundane days. My school work load is very low and I have nothing better to do. It's almost like a time travel device where I just forget the past few hours existed and just move on to the next day.
I've been home on break this week and my parents have seemed to notice that I am acting strangely. They ask if I feel ok when I look down. My mom asks me why I haven't been eating as much as I used to. I sleep 10-12 hours a day. I want to talk to them about this but I feel like I can't. They have given me such a good life and I think that feeling this way is like an insult to them.
I wouldn't say I have suicidal thoughts but I often wonder what impact it would have on those around me. I know that I could never have the balls to do it, and I don't ever want to.
I'm just kind of lost right now.
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self.depression
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Struggling I’m really struggling right now and could you some kindness
Please help?
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self.depression
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Can't get out of seasonal depression Mostly around winter and fall I (fall) into a clinically diagnosed seasonal depression. I am 15 years old and turning 16 years old soon and I can't stop being nostalgic about my childhood up until this point. I'm always listening to old sad nostalgic music that fuels my sadness and I don't know what to do to help any of this and I hate it.
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self.depression
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I Need Some Help Winter is hard. Really, November and December are hard for me. I have the worst flashbacks and the most drinks. I have been clinically diagnosed with PTSD from childhood trauma. Those of you who have it should know there are usually several acronyms following that diagnosis.
I drank a lot after Christmas. It’s like my body doesn’t know how to process emotionally distressing situations- the lack of sleep and panic attacks don’t help.
I was taking medication but stopped because the side effects were horrific, I tried starting a new diet but that didn’t go over very well either.
I was off yesterday and called in sick today because my job is retail and I am so anxious and depressed. I didn’t leave the couch yesterday. management has been out all month during the busiest time of the year. I usually take four days vacation to mentally prepare myself in early December but I didn’t get it this time around. My schedule is so unstable and sleep is hard for me too. And dear Jesus, the flashbacks.
I sat in my bed going through a cycle of excessive guilt and despair then panic attacks then guilt and despair again.
I feel like I am at my lowest. I’m exhausted. My body hurts. I wake up and the horrible internal monologue just continues. I can’t meditate and my house is a disaster except for my room-I managed to clean that.
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self.depression
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I want to live a healthy life When I was first diagnosed, I'd often think, "Because I'm bipolar, I have to do X."
Because I'm bipolar, I have to eat healthy.
Because I'm bipolar, I have to cut back on my favorite foods and drinks (coffee/tea).
Because I'm bipolar, I have to stop drinking.
Because I'm bipolar, I have to practice sleep hygiene/ get enough sleep.
Because I'm bipolar, I have to take vitamins.
Because I'm bipolar, I have to minimize stress.
Because I'm bipolar, I have to exercise.
I could go on. The point is, I felt like my life was so much harder, because of the diagnosis. I felt like it meant I had to miss out on my favorite things. What's helped me more than anything, is changing this mindset to, "because I want to be healthy".
Because I want to be healthy, I want to eat healthy.
Because I want to be healthy, I want to cut back on my favorite foods and drinks (coffee/tea).
Because I want to be healthy, I want to stop drinking.
Because I want to be healthy, I want to practice sleep hygiene/ get enough sleep.
Because I want to be healthy, I want to take vitamins.
Because I want to be healthy, I want to minimize stress.
Because I want to be healthy, I want to exercise.
Most of the lifestyle changes that I've been asked to make, would benefit all people. Getting more sleep, exercising, eating well, minimizing stress... These things prolong lives, regardless of diagnosis. These changes would make most people feel better and decrease chances of other illnesses.
This simple change to my thoughts, has made doing these things a lot easier. I was wondering if anyone else had this experience? I hope this might help someone else.
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self.bipolar
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I'm being selfish soon. Goodbye. I really dont know what I'm doing anymore. I haven't cared for my health, or my happiness or anything else in a long while. I really don't know how I'm still here. I have no motivation to do anything anymore. The daily stress is killing me on the inside, and all of the questions, all of the doubts, everything, it's just making me slip into old habits again. I feel like a failure, because it doesn't feel like I've even gotten any better since the last time, I think the thoughts and feelings just laid dormant and waited for me to be comfortable to do something stupid enough to allow them to resurface.
I'm not hearing voices, but it feels like there is some outside force who is taking some sick sense of enjoyment in twisting everything I try to do into some sort of failure. "You had a good summer didn't you? Ready for a good school year? Guess what... Another friend if yours died. Oh you wanted to do well in school this year? It'd be a shame if you had to drop another course. Oh you actually really like a girl? It'd be a shame if she didn't care about you! Oh you're eating healthy and going to the gym? Better make you throw up everything you eat. You haven't had a night terror in a while either have you? Here, have some!"
It's not like any of this is just recent either. I've lost more friends and family than anyone should at 22. I've been cheated on in my past 3 serious relationships. I just can't seem to ever be enough for anyone I care about. To top it all off, I recently walked in on the girl I've been seeing fucking another one of my friends. She had forgotten she told me to come over that day after work. It's just too much for me.
I feel like I'm losing my mind. Losing track of time and losing, it seems, everything I so carefully tried to build around me. It's like every single string inside me broke and I have no idea how to put them back together. It feels like being cracked open, hurts like hell, but at the end of the day I just feel numb.
It has broken me, it took my sanity away, it makes me feel smothered and out of my mind, running out of control. Everything I once thought I would be is falling apart, and I simply cannot take it anymore.
I've tried getting better, and I thought I did, for a time I was okay, but now I think I was just pretending. I can't just snap my fingers and make myself better. It feels like every single thing I do is another mistake.
I'm a mess, and at this point I honestly don't know if I'll ever be okay again. This wretched numbness is the only thing I have left, but it's dependable. I hate it and yet I chase it with every sip and with every line. I feel like I'm living everyday because I have to not because I want to.
The funny thing is I am the first person who will run to the aid of someone I care about, regardless of what I am going through. It's almost as if I can fill my void by helping someone else with theirs. I guess I've been sad, scared and lonely before so I try my hardest to at least take the alone part away for others. It's like I can only lead others to happiness and never find it myself.
I can't talk to my parents about this. They are already too worried about my sister (anxiety and depression), and I can't be bothered trying to get them to understand what it's like in my head. I know they'd just tell me to get better "it's all in your head, stop feeling sorry for yourself".
At the rate I'm going I'll drop dead in a few months anyway so I figure I might as well get it over with. I never thought I'd get to the point where I actively want to kill myself, but here I am. I just want some quiet in my head. I want someone to care, to fucking hold me and tell me I'm not okay but I will be. But I have no one.
I'm tired, and I dont know how I kept this up for so long. I think the worst thing though, is the loneliness, there's nothing more terrifying. But I feel sometimes its too much to ask. Is it wrong for me to wish for someone who would just sit with me, maybe hold my hand, put his or her head on my chest for no other reason than the fact they enjoy my presence? No, maybe I don't deserve that. Regardless, I'm sick of the meaningless hook ups but its the only type of intimacy I can get apparently, because I get burned every single fucking time I open up or get the slightest glimmer of hope, that quiet little "maybe this time... maybe this time it won't hurt." But it always does.
I know I'm a fighter, always have been. I've gotten through so much shit by myself but I can feel the tank is empty. My punches started to weaken and now I don't even have the energy to bother fighting anymore, I feel like I'm stuck in cement. I would force a smile or make a joke to make sure people didn't worry about me, all the while my brain was desperately screaming for help. I would lie and say I got sleep, lie and say that I ate food, lie and say that I hadn't smoked 2 packs today. But no longer, I am taking charge and getting rid of myself since nobody else wants me.
I have bought everything I need already and have a note with all the passwords to my electronics ready to be left out. I have instructions and my choices for what to do with my body when they find it.
I know it's weak but I honestly don't know what I did to deserve not being wanted. Never being the first choice for anyone. I haven't messaged any of my "friends" for a while and no one has bothered trying to message me first. I'm done being strong, now I'm being selfish.
So goodbye, thank you for reading this unorganized rant. When you all wake up hungover on the 1st and look forward to the new year, look for me on the news. 22 male, Oshawa Ontario.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm trying really hard not to kill myself today, but I just don't see the point anymore. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Feeling lonely but am I? I’m 24 years old. And I’ve never had a romantic relationship. Not because I’m ugly or anything. It’s just never happened. And I feel so alone. I feel lonely but then I ask myself why because I have a group of friends whom I hang out with relatively often. Probably 2-3 a week. So how can I feel alone with people around me.
Grouped with this, and the fact my dads health is declining. My health is declining. I feel lost in where I’m going in life. I have been diagnosed by two separate doctors with dystemia. I just want to kill myself. Literally only thing keeping me alive is knowing that I can’t leave my mom alone should something happen to my dad. I just can’t. She’d go homeless. This past week and a half have been extremely hard. I think about killing myself every moment of life now but I don’t. I don’t want to feel like this.
Pretty much I’m asking, is it normal to feel lonely even though you surround yourself with people (and those relationships aren’t petty or meaningless). I feel stupid feeling lonely.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Received a message to a personal ad from someone who is trans. I politely told them I wasn't interested. Now they just confessed they're suicidal. What to do? I'm shocked and scared for them. I was very nice in my objection of trans, and even offered to help them answer questions about their feelings. They then said they are a suicidal girl and regret moving to my city and that they won't be around much longer. What do I do? I already told them to not think that way and that they should talk to me or others, and even offered the help and support of a few trans friends that I have locally.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why do parents care more about school work than your mental state? I’ve been having the worst time of my life these past months and in return, I’ve been late on assignments. My parents know that I’ve been dealing with really bad depression and anxiety lately and I’ve told them the reason why my assignments are overdue. It’s because I’m too mentally drained and unmotivated to do it. I️ can’t come up with anything to write because I’m too focused on how bad everything is. They never ask me how I’m doing, they ask me if I️ve gotten any homework done yet. And I️ just can’t take it anymore.
Edit: My parents do care about me, I️ know they do. They just don’t understand how serious its becoming. I know they’re trying to be supportive and understand what it is that I’m dealing with and why I️ haven’t been focusing or wanting to go to school but it’s hard to believe that sometimes when I️ just feel like they’re just trying to ignore everything that’s happening.
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self.depression
|
Blue Christmas Hi everyone. I'm not sure how to start this out so I'll just get straight to the point. I am going to kill myself. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for so long and now I've finally been pushed to the edge. Today is the day i finally realized the only way to stop all this pain is to just kill my self. Today has been the worst day of my life. I never have good days, when I think my day is going good, something happens and I'm left crying and miserable. My mother makes my life hell. I don't see her much but today she really showed me her true colors and every time she pops into my life she leaves me feeling sad, hurt, and angry. I have looked for reasons not to kill myself and I know people say things get better but for me I just can't see it getting better. I am miserable. I have decided that soon I will kill myself. I am truly a waste of life. I have absolutely no meaning. I wish it didn't have to be this way but when I think of killing myself I feel relieved. I feel like everyone would be better off if I was dead.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Working so hard on something just to fail the moment it matters most [deleted]
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self.depression
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Why do I feel like I'm not entitled to be depressed? [deleted]
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self.depression
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My mom goes out of her way to avoid anything remotely Middle Eastern, and it pisses me off [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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maybe if I'm drunk enough it'll look like an accident
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self.SuicideWatch
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Can’t sleep I’m tired, but my head is too loud. I can’t rest with my inner demons tormenting me like this. I close my eyes and all I think about are my failures and mistakes.
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self.Anxiety
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Feeling insecure about sex life/ dating I'm 23 never had sex or been in a relationship, and i never felt insecure about it before as I was focused on my mental health. Now there's this guy I'm interested in and after talking for a while he reveals to me that he's been in two relationships before and he's had sex many times. All of a sudden I start to feel insecure and my confidence just plummeted so much that I feel like I can't speak to him again. Please help me
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self.offmychest
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Burning and watery eyes when anxious? I've had burning, watery eyes daily (like 3-4x) for YEARS. I've talked to several doctors about it and it was always brushed off and they said I might have dry eyes. I've recently noticed that my eyes frequently water when I'm anxious or when I'm around someone who I'm not close with. I've had anxiety for a long time but it's gotten a lot worse in the past year.
This is extremely embarassing for me because it most frequently happens when I'm talking with my boss (or recently when my manager asked me to "give a speech" without any warning in front of 10 people I don't know... ugh). It looks like I'm crying. I had to go to a family Christmas get together with a bunch of extended family I'm not close with yesterday and it was awful. My eyes were watering almost the entire time and only stopped when I was with my aunt and uncle who I'm pretty comfortable with. I've also had this happen at job interviews and everytime I meet someone new. Does this happen to anyone else? And does anyone know of a way I can deal with it? TIA<3
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self.Anxiety
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[URGENT] My SO just sent me pictures of her self harming and keeps pushing me away After a discord call, my SO went silent on me for about half an hour through text on snapchat. She then followed up after that 30 minutes with a picture of her self harming with the caption "I deserve this." I keep calling and texting her over and over, but she keeps not answering or responding with "Leave me alone." "I'm going to block you." WHAT DO I DO?
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self.SuicideWatch
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