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Having suicidal thoughts. Help me :( I failed at pretty much everything, I always avoided challenges and run away from responsibilities, I'm not good enough. I'm not gonna commit suicide but now I think of more often, my brain hurts now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Probably failed final exam and maybe course because of anxiety flare-up [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I’m a 21yo south asian guy, and I hate myself. I came to the US in early January this year from a country in South Asia(not India or Pakistan). I came with a lot of hopes and wishes, but I gradually started hating myself and having self-confidence issues.
I’ve been in three unsuccessful relationships my entire life, all of those being in my home country. None of those relationships lasted more than three months(because of compatibility issues mainly). People around me used to tell me that I was a decent looking guy, and I used to be still hopeful about my future until my high school ended. I had a one year gap because of not getting selected in the prestigious public schools in my home country, which is when I started doubting my self worth. Later I decided to apply to the US rather, chose a cheap public college in a rural area, and got accepted with a scholarship which would allow my parents to afford it. Started school here, and I fit in here quite well. It was all okay until I started meeting more people who had a lot of skills outside schoolwork, which I really lacked. I had very few friends, and I started realizing that people were not at all interested in me. When I moved into an apartment my first semester, I got even more alienated. I had virtually no actual friends then, only two I smoked weed with on weekends. I started feeling like people don’t like me.
I was actively looking for a relationship from the time I came to the US, and gradually started realizing I wasn’t appealing to girls around here. I tried to talk to girls in my class, but couldn’t get past the small talk. I almost always felt like I have very few common interests with girls I met. I basically stop talking when I start get the feeling that they are not interested. Opened a tinder account at one point, matched with a few girls who either didn’t respond to my message, or stopped responding after even less than a conversation, after which they either unmatched or stopped talking altogether. When I TRY to be somewhat interesting, they end up getting creeped out. When I try to be myself, I come off as uninteresting which it seems. I have no female friends even, only acquaintances that I can have small talks with.
All this led to me really doubting my self worth, and my confidence plummeted. I fear now to even to message girls, let alone approach them irl. I fear what I am going to do with my degree with so many people with interesting skills and experiences around me which I got none of. I feel like I am too old for my class level, and I have no idea what I am doing with my life. I hate myself for all these reasons every day, and hope I hadn’t been born.
TL;DR: I came to the us, had encounters with a lot of talented people, have had no success with girls which eventually led to me hating myself.
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self.offmychest
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I confessed my feelings to my best friend and she rejected me. She said she didn’t love me like that. I knew she was going to say no, and I didn’t feel anything until after we were done talking. She was dating someone else, but the feeling had put a mental roadblock for me. It felt so good to get it out, and I’m ready to move on. I’m actually feeling more confident in myself because this was the first time that I’ve confronted my feelings, and it’s so much easier to still be friends with her afterwards. She said nothing changed for her as long as it didn’t change for me. The thing that hurts a bit though is that I’m scared to do it again for fear of rejection, but I’m not as scared as before.
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self.offmychest
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A hopeless situation I'm fat, ugly, socially withdrawn and I'm doing a degree which I have absolutely no interest in. When I was thinner, things weren't too much different because ultimately I'm ugly... I believe there is no way out except plastic surgery which I won't be able to afford till 4 years later when I get a job after my education. Family situation is no better as they have rather toxic personalities.
I wish I have the courage to commit suicide and end it all for once on my terms.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Rude or inconsiderate people really stress me out - and I become fixated on them. I’m talking specifically here about strangers. For example, I’m at a beautiful hotel right now in a fantastic holiday spot, but there’s a group of young guys who hang out by the pool, play loud music and basically disrupt the peace.
That sort of thing makes me so angry and anxious - I get the same thing when our neighbours at home are noisy. And rather than distract myself and focus on something else, I tend to become fixated on them. For example, I’ll put on headphones to drown out the noise, but then every so often I’ll turn off the music just to see if the antagonists are still making noise - and get wound up about it again.
While a little annoyance at inconsiderate people is I’m sure normal, I do think I have a hypersensitivity to it. My partner will often tell me she didn’t even notice the thing that I’m wound up about. I really do start to hate these people, and become obsessed with what they’re going to do next, or are they going to come back, or will they make noise at night, etc etc.
Does anyone else suffer from this? Does anyone have any strategies to help?
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self.Anxiety
|
Lexapro tapering About a month ago, I began tapering off of Lexapro. My daily dose was 15mg and I dropped down to 10mg. For a week the withdrawal was pretty bad as you can imagine, but now I've dropped down to 5mg and I'd say it's a lot worse then dropping from 15 to 10mg.
Anyone else experience stomach pain and discomfort from withdrawling? It usual comes with an intense amount of anxiety.
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self.Anxiety
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Just got stood up on a first date. Sitting here in the restaurant, alone in a booth, so can't really chitchat with anyone. Dude completely ghosted me minutes before the date. Rude.
Edit: Definitely ordered a drink and AMAZING chicken wings. So not a total loss. ;)
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self.offmychest
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Not willing to work hard Fuck everything. Life is all about work work work. Fuck the gym, fuck the school, fuck the job. I just want to lay in bed all day, watch stupid movies and play video games. I hate that it's supposed to be this way and you're meant to be productive. Why should I live if I dont want to cotribute to society?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hello! If you need someone to talk to I’m here! :) Hi! If anyone is looking for someone to talk to or message please feel free to send me a message with what’s wrong or just vent. I’ll be sure to get back to you and to talk things out if you’d like. Thank you!
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self.depression
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What happened with my friends? Were we really friends? I had this group of friends from highschool, plus a friend of mine I was raised with. We started hanging out in many, and then some of us started hanging out from this group.
I dunno what happened, and when it happened, but this group started to be obsessed by being a group, and not letting anyone enter the group...or leaving it. Maybe it's normal.
Then, there is this friend of mine I grew up with, that was always quite abusive but saying he loved me so much, and treating me like his little, stupid brother. He knew everything, and knew better than others how to act and what to do. I dunno when it started, but I "made mistakes" with friends from the group, and they were upset with me in many occasions: for instance, not showing up in many occasions and preferring doing something else, or being inconvenient with some of them. The fact is that the reaction I got was "there is someone in the group that didn't like it, and you should know, you should have been more kind, or do... don't...". Usually who said these things was my friend. I never got one single word from the person concerned. It was "the group" thinking I was acting Inna wrong way. And my friend expected me to act more correctly.
Unspoken things started to appear, and I felt ashamed, stupid, less, and in a lower step. They were more correct than I was. In their perspective, maybe.
I started having other interests and wishing to see different people, and they started getting sad, upset, and making me feel wrong for abandoning them, especially my friend from childhood. I felt a jerk.
I continued making errors, and them continued being offended. But on top of this situation, they were willing to "pardon me" and having my back for whatever thing I would need. I started to feel this behavior as sick, as they were a kind of "loving parents for which I was a bad child, but who always were waiting for me and love me". Like an octopus. Still, unspoken things were there. And I dunno why all this situation was born. I am thinking it was the influence of my friend, which filtered all my moved and behavior, and not letting me interact with MY friends (as I invited him to the group, when we first hang out all together). And maybe everyone from the group accepted this interaction. As I was my friend's little brother, a bit stupid and not being capable to act by himself. I dunno.
Thing is, I cut these friends, especially my "friend" from childhood, and I feel so relieved of having done so. Still, there is something missing, and I think I never really lived with these people singularity. Or rather, I did, but then it arrived "the group". Maybe, it is really all about this "friend" of mine, which became the "boss" of the group. I miss having singular, normal, imperfect relationships with these people, singularly, without other people feeling offended or making me feel wrong.
I dunno really what to do. I feel like I want my "friend" to just go away and leave everyone free of doing what they want. Also, I fear of approaching these people singularly (some of them with which I share highschool with - my friend did a different school), as it can be seen as an attack to my "friend".
And I feel alone. I don't want "that" group. And I am alone. What the hell is this? Am I really living it? What to do? Why losing people for one single person?
Thanks for taking this vent of mine!
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self.offmychest
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debt deb debt debt lost my job last year, then 3 weeks later lost my second job.. pretty much gave up for the rest of the year..
i've always been so bad with money, and its just gotten worse and worse over the years, and now all my stupid decisions are catching up with me, and I have abolutely no money, income, or anything..
I used to be able to freelance.. I used to be able to get work done.. I used to be able to just communicate with people like a normal person. I don't know where I went, I don't know what's wrong with me..
So much debt.. Ill never make enough to make my monthly payments.. much less any form of rent, or anything.
im going to be struggling my whole life. The painful memories of watching my mom in tears while her car gets repoed, and while our house was bought by the bank.. I know thats where Im headed. What's the point, I don't want that.. I don't want to work my life away to barely even survive
i miss feeling emotions..
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self.SuicideWatch
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Past year has been a bitch, (lightly) hopeful next year won't be. 2017 was fuckery, I found new lows, lost my job, friends, and have generally just fucked it up, gonna leave it all behind and move to Denver, 'cause it beats leaving it all behind for good (hopefully). Wish me luck, or not because it has helped yet! :)
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self.depression
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Am I going crazy? I'd really appreciate your opinion. (Bereavement Family dynamic) [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Super rapid cycling I'm changing like every day. Could be the addition of Prozac. The last at least 4 days have been distinctly different. Do I need inpatient?
Edit: I called the psych hospital and they told me I would be outpatient since I'm not an immediate danger to myself or actively manic. So I have to wait almost a month to see my pdoc without any help.
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self.bipolar
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I convinced my friend to not go to a football game but I still went. Am I wrong? So I haven't seen my friend in over 7 years since graduating college. I live in the bay area (Oakland) and he was staying nearby in Santa Cruz at a yoga retreat visiting from Maryland. He wanted to go to a 49ers game this last week but for some reason I was hesitant. I know financially he doesn't have it together so I knew he was gonna have trouble getting there.
Sometimes people can hold you back and I feel like I would've had to watch out for him which I didn't really feel like doing. He wasn't even sure if he was gonna get a ride (doesn't have a car), he wanted me to buy his ticket in advance, doesn't know the bay area, and it was like 3 hours before the game. I was like man, I'm not dealing with this. I know I'll get there but you are on your own.
So I convinced him not to go saying it's too expensive and that you don't know the area. I still went but I didn't tell him so. I just think seeing a friend you haven't seen in years at a football game isn't the best place to bond or talk to especially last minute.
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self.offmychest
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Am diagnosed with Bipolar II. But wondering if there’s common misdiagnosis between Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. Forgive me if my nomenclature is incorrect, but my fear is that I or some others have been misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder rather than BPD. I am taking 300mg of lamotrigine which does help, in conjunction with a small dose of alprazolam—but I wanted to know if there is any overlap in your experience between the two disorders? And what their differences are, in your own words. To my knowledge they can be comorbid? Again I may be wrong. I’m just confused and could use some input :-) thanks guys.
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self.bipolar
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I have severe ADHD, and I like a Girl who has anxiety. Hello, /r/anxiety! I'm sorry to say that I do not have anxiety myself, as far as I can tell, most of the time. But I do have ADHD and have grown very close to a person who does have anxiety and I'm trying to find some guidance with what is a very neurologically unique pairing.
I met her about 6 months ago, and honestly couldn't tell at all that she had anxiety. We hit it off super fast over a weekend that we happened to start talking at a family/friends gathering. We would cuddle a lot, she and I shared a lot about each other, and on our most recent date things went a bit further physically and, as far as I can tell, we both enjoyed it. She expressed interest in having a night like that again. This date was a month ago though, the last time I was in town.
It's been terrific and I like this girl a ton. But I have also become aware of ways her anxiety and my ADHD and empathic attachment has affected our budding relationship, and I have been reading this sub a lot in the past month to try and understand better how she feels sometimes, and if I can do things to help her.
I live a few hours away from her, and she is still in college, so the only time we get to see each other is when I visit and she is on vacation. But a few times our plans have fallen through at the last minute because she wasn't feeling up to it.
I got a birthday gift for her this month, something really cool and artistic (she's a very artistic and intellectual person), and was going to visit her house to give it to her. Instead I spent about an hour in the kitchen with her parents before she asked her mom to tell me she wasn't feeling well. Later she did call to tell me she like the gift though.
I came to see her perform in a play one night, and brought flowers and saw her after the show. We walked around the city for a bit and then sat in my car quietly for a bit. And she didn't say much, but she looked really worried/close to tears. I didn't know what to make of it at the time.
We had made plans for her to visit me in my town during the summer, with a month of notice. 3 days before, she called me, pretty upset, to say that she didn't feel able to come.
Naturally I've learned that she suffers from panic attacks occasionally, and has also said that she is reluctant to try a full relationship because of worries that I'll outgrow her or find someone else (we HAVE gone on dates since she has said these things). Eventually I put the pieces together and began to understand her a little better, but I also have my own neurological obstacles that have affected my thinking with this girl. I'm going to do my best to lay them out now:
-Like I mentioned, I have ADHD in a serious way. I have turned my closet upside down looking for a watch that was already on my wrist, if I have a list of things to do and don't write it down, I will forget everything except the first and last thing. Usually I have to make 2 trips to get all the groceries I need. I know people with anxiety often like to plan lots of their life ahead, day by day even. Me following a plan is often like putting a magnetic train on a rail with the wrong polarity. I'll start moving, but then very soon I'll go way off the track.
-I am an empath, so I'm very attuned to people's emotions and often subconsciously absorb them into myself. If people in a room are happy, or angry, or worried, I begin to just feel those states and they act on me. Since meeting this girl, sometimes I feel my chest get tight when I overthink things, or I dwell on interactions with a person, if I said something wrong. These are very new feelings for me, but I can completely understand how awful constant anxiety must feel. I also have seen that a lot of people with anxiety are also empaths. So that is pretty cool to me.
-Possibly because of my ADHD, I invest a lot of maintenance into most of my friendships. I have very few friends, but each of them I communicate with at least once a day, and all of those bonds run very deep and intimate. Nearly all of them also have some kind of neurological condition (ADHD, High-functioning autism, aspergers, etc). I understand people with anxiety sometimes have to be alone for days, weeks at a time, and it can be years before they really open up to a new person in their life. So this is a new dynamic I am learning, and attempting to exercise patience with. But sometimes I message her pictures of animals or just something about my day. Even if she doesn't respond, I don't mind. I just like to share.
I don't want to bombard her with questions about her opinion on the nature of our friendship/relationship, or make her feel pressure like I want something to happen faster than it is. She's really busy in school and I'm currently trying to start enough of a career that I can leave where I am and go back home where family, and also she, lives.
I am aware that it may take years to build enough comfort with this person that she feels good about a relationship. And that's ok with me. As much as I like her, we still just have things in common that make her a friend I would want to be close to either way. My dad described her like this to me, since he has actually known her longer than I have:
"Son, because your mind is so different than other people's, it's like your head is an island off the coast of a place where the rest of us live. And you're a very independent and self-confident guy, so you're happy on your island. But you've always felt alone. And you can't swim to the shore and connect, mentally, with people on the mainland." And he's right. I do feel very "otherly" from the rest of the world because my mind just doesn't get what others get.
"With this girl, though, and really most of your friends," he continued, "you've seen another island on the horizon. And it's also out to sea like you, but you two are closer to each other than you are the rest of the shore."
I had also actually known her parents for years before I met her, since they are close friends of my dad's. But she had never been around at the same time as me, and somehow we just went a long time without meeting. Both sides, my parents and hers, have expressed a lot of support for both of us going out and being together. Her parents have always been really nice to me and her dad even works in the same industry as I do. So we have had lots to talk about. But I worry that she might feel like we are being "arranged", like an old medieval coupling to consolidate the familys or something like that.
I know I put quotes but I don't think that's -exactly- how he said it. But I remembered the major point about it.
I just want to know if there is anything about me, and her, that I should be aware of going forward. I've had enough relationships get derailed by me being too absent-minded or too weird or too fast, and she seems to like some of those things about me. But I guess I'm just looking for some fresh perspectives from you guys so I don't mess this up. Because I am very afraid of messing it up, and I don't want to feel that way. And if you've been patient enough with my haphazard train of thought to read this much then thank you very much. I appreciate your thoughts a lot right now.
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self.Anxiety
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Struggling Really, really struggling tonight. If anyone is available to talk I would appreciate it a lot.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I just realised you're a fuckboy And we've not even met yet. Not sure we will now after clearly getting my name and tastes wrong
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self.offmychest
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WHEW For the few friends that I do have, I don't have any classes with them, so I never really talk at school. I don't think many of you are alone, but it sucks.
Also, I'm not sure any of this is real. I can't even verify anything you tell me, because if it is true that this isn't real, then everything you tell me could be true in the confines of this "existence". I don't even know what this. There could be something more than life out there if this is real.
Also, this whole real thing is kind of affecting my school work. I have work due in 6 classes tomorrow, some of them being multiple assignments. I've also missed school 2 days in a row due to some issues.
Oh, also everyone is fake in terms of personality.
I don't know what I'm still doing. I've considered just dying before, but I've never tried it. I've never cut myself (I don't get the point of it?). I'm looking to buy some helium and suffocate myself with it. I don't have a car, so I'll have to use a plastic bag. I can't let the air escape, though. I forgot what happens, but it's bad.
Maybe I'll buy helium tomorrow. I don't really know.
It's funny though, because if you saw me in real life, you would have no idea of anything that I was thinking about.
I don't know, just the thing about asking for help is that you're crazy then. And I'm already classified as crazy + my teachers know this. I can't say anything!
Also, if any of you manage to find my personal information, that would suck really bad. I actually contemplated killing myself before and the cops showed up at my house during midnight.
The only reason why I don't want to do anything right now is because (most important to least important) I spent a bunch of my time going towards getting my laptop. I know that won't matter when I'm dead, but I still think about it. I also think of what I can do. I made this handy program, so I'm going to make a business with someone. Sounds like some useless stuff, but I promise you it's useful, though niche. I wanted to help the world in some way. The third reason is if I'm wrong. I could be irrational right now, but that would mean that I've been irrational for 7 years.
I'm kind of interested if anyone will use that last paragraph against me and say I have something to live for.
Well, if you made it this far (or just saw this and skipped to the end), you don't have to comment. You don't know me, and if anything does happens, it won't really matter to you. It was nice to type this all out. I would post this on the schizophrenia subreddit, but everyone there is dealing with their own stuff, and I don't really want them to be forced / pressured into taking time to respond.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I Don't Want to Do Diabetes Anymore- And I Don't Even Have It My daughter has type 1 diabetes. She's 11. She was diagnosed at age 6 after I kept pushing and pushing and yelling and screaming that something was terribly wrong.
I love her so much. Having diabetes is 1000x harder on her than it is on me that she has it. I know this. I go out of my way to help her as best I can.
I miss tons of work because of it. I'm falling into a financial pit due in large part to that alone. I owe thousands in medical bills to my ex, who is quite wealthy and hides most of his wealth.
This week, for four days straight, she was low blood sugar frequently through the night. Over and over and over, she went low... then wouldn't come up. It's an hour of being up each time. I averaged 3 hours of sleep for 4 days. She didn't fare a ton better, but she sleeps well while I don't; so she just went back to sleep each time, thank god. It would be so much worse if it sucked AS horribly for her, too, on those nights.
I talked to the doctor, tried to get her numbers adjusted, but the problem is that there's no long-term pattern. She's going into puberty; the days of long-term patterns are long past now either way...
I am the one who ends up dealing with her pump, her glucose monitoring system... making decisions of what pump to get... her dad pretends he's making a decision and researching but *always* just says (at the VERY last second), "whatever you think is fine".
I have to harass her multiple times per day. Constantly micro-manage her. "Did you test?" then "Did you give yourself insulin for that?" then "Did you measure that, or just dump it in a bowl?" then "When's the last time you ate? Your BG (blood glucose) is dropping fast."
I don't get to really just be a mom and daughter, because I have to ground her for not caring properly for her diabetes. I have to drop everything and deal with a malfunctioning pump. I have to stab her with needles.
The day she was diagnosed finally and taken to Boston Childrens' Hospital by ambulance from here in NH, I rode with her and I slept on a tiny little hard hospital chair with terrible back pain, every night for 4 days/ nights. I am traumatized by that time because I had to hold my precious baby down while they tortured her with needles. I had to listen to her beg and scream and plead for the pain to stop, *while I held her down*.
Thank god, she remembers it differently. She remembers only "Mom was there for me every second."
But all I remember is her pain and fear and having to be the monster who forced it on her. Every day of every week of every month of every year, she is forced to deal with this, and I have no right and no room to complain.
But god, I just want to be a mom without torturing my child. I don't want to micro-manage her. I don't want to yell at her for not caring for her diabetes. I don't want to completely lose my mind because after 4 days of no sleep (this week I'm talking about this time), I screamed at her for not going to bed because I was SO tired that I wanted to go to bed and had to wait until she did.
I'm tired of missing work, of being poor, of struggling financially because on paper I'm SO immensely "rich" that I can't pay the bills but I can't get help, either. I'm $8 an hour below "livable income" for my area and I struggle constantly.
Everything about it sucks. And the worst part is that she sat there in the car the other day and asked me, "My medical bills are the reason why we're so poor, aren't they?" I sat there and lied outright, "Oh, honey. My copays for my doctor (shrink) visits cost us a lot more than your medical bills do. Our insurance does well to take care of your bills." It's only partly true--the actual bills are only one small part of the overall cost.
It made her feel better, and I'm glad.
It made me feel horrible because she doesn't deserve to even *WONDER* if "[she] is the problem" due to her diabetes. Life sucks and it isn't fair and I don't want to do diabetes anymore... Even though I don't even have it, personally.
I hate that I can't afford to get her nice things. If I could get to work every day and make a little OT now and then, we could be okay--not wealthy, but okay. But that's a pipe dream. I want to get her something for Christmas, but I'm relying on charity to get her ANYTHING at all this year. I hate it. I hate it so much.
TL;DR Daughter has diabetes and I hate the things it forces me to do like make her test and keep on her about it nonstop. I hate the cost both financially and emotionally for both of us.
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self.offmychest
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i want to take pills with alcohol not to die, just want to not be awake anymore. It's all so confusing and numb and strange to me that i want to take 1mg of clonazepam and alcohol to make me sleep. Bad thing is, my family's hiding my pills from me in fear of me taking them all and killing myself or something (which is something I thought on doing and really wanted to die around 2 weeks ago). Fuck this.
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self.depression
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The problem with feminism, alt right and alt left , black lives matter and all other groups
People are generally very closed minded and ignorant . I notice this all the time and if you think about this you will understand what I mean .
I am talking about . When people form groups and start labeling people and grouping them . Especially if they are the favored group and much more popular than its opposing group.
It’s terrifying to me and it’s very scary how powerful these groups become . One example are feminist groups . The #metoo movement is very powerful right now and if any female celeb accuses a male of sexual harassment it’s often that most people back her up and start boycotting and sending hate towards the accused person with NO EVIDENCE to show they actually did it . Also anyone who questions some of statements that those groups say they generally get labeled awful things that its not even who they are . Example some celeb recently said “that women should wear what they are comfortable with and they should not be blamed if they get harassed” someone commented “ what you wear will could give you the unwanted attention you don’t want “ and oh the hate he received. Someone replied to him saying “so it’s the women’s fault for being raped ? Men should learn to respect women and women can wear what they want “ and that got a lot of likes . The thing is the guy never said that it’s the women’s fault for being raped he just said that wearing certain clothing brings you attention that you don’t want .
I don’t like this labeling and people dividing their self and others into different groups . We are better than this now . We no longer need to form tribes and eliminate anyone apposing us. I wish people were more open minded and willing to listen and try to understand rather than “you disagree with me ? I’ll end you.”
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self.offmychest
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Almost 2 months post-divorce. I still cry over her...despite her repeated abuse and neglect. Married for 15 years to her. We have 4 children, 3 living, pets, a home. After multiple years of abuse and neglect from her, I filed for divorce because I simply couldn't take it any longer.
I see pictures of her, thanks to stupid reminders like "This day 5 years ago" on my smartphone, or her contact picture, or because my kids will say or do something that reminds me of her (in a good way), and I just fucking lose it. I cry, cry, and cry some more.
I fucking cried over her at Christmas, because it was my first one in 15 years without her. All 3 of my children were with me for Christmas eve, and it felt so empty because she wasn't there.
What the fuck is wrong with me. This woman treated me like shit, abused me, demanded the world of me, abandoned me when I needed her most (multiple times)...yet I still fucking miss her.
WHAT.THE.FUCK. is wrong with me?
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self.offmychest
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Looking to connect. Something deeper than social media standards of the present [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I saw my old bully for the first time in years. He came into my workplace to order food. When I was in school, he tried to fight me all the time. He'd throw ice balls at me in the winter, he'd push me into lockers, he'd sometimes shove me to the ground and try to kick me.
I started skipping school because I was scared of being beaten up every day. I had no friends because he'd spread rumors about me. I tried to talk to so many adults about it but nobody would listen to me and just thought it was "kids being kids". It led me into severe depression and failing multiple classes. I did get some retaliation once though. He tried to shove past me so I stepped out of the way and watched him fall into a girl behind me. He was a horrible person back then and deserved it.
That was six years ago. Today he came into my workplace and chatted with an older employee who was friends with his mom. I don't think he recognized me or he didn't say anything if he did. He talked for a few minutes then left.
I don't know whether to be mad or not. I don't know what kind of person he is now because I haven't seen him in years. I don't think I'm afraid of him anymore though. I consider the people I work with my friends and I'm sure that if he ever came in to harass me or try to fight that they'd back me up and defend me. It's really relieving to know that I've got friends that'd take my side if he ever tried to hurt me again. I don't have to be scared anymore.
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self.offmychest
|
New Meds!!! I’m so excited. My med that’s going to replace Seriquil has come in! It took months but it finally got approved.
Ahhh!!! I’m ready to get off Seriquil.
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self.bipolar
|
How would i go about telling someone i think im becoming suicidal [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I'm so sad this is my life I don't get it, I could never imagine this would be me. I am lacking in so many areas in my life and am scared what will happen with my life after college. The days blur together, I'm wasting what should be the best time of my life. ADD makes it even harder to live life. I wish I wasn't like this. My mom raised me well, I treat her like shit. She doesn't deserve this at all. I've been suicidal. I won't see anyone for it. Please just someone give me a plan to beat this thing. Just please someone tell me it's possible to beat this. Please
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self.depression
|
Is it worth it? I really can't seem to find a point any more. A lot of my friends are either cut off from me, or simply don't respond any more. Why? Why does everyone just...leave?
I've been fighting and fighting to stay alive this year but I'm sick of it. Nobody knows me and nobody ever will.
There's literally no one I can turn to. Most of my close friends just aren't there any more. I'm really not missing much whether I live or die. I wonder, is it even worth living at this point?
There's no point if everyone you find leaves eventually.
I don't think it's worth it.
Someone, anyone, please say something </3
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I have no idea what I'm doing. It strikes me whenever I try to do those big things that affect my future. I've been trying to figure out if I need to file my taxes and through the hour and a half I've been looking I just keep realizing I have no idea. I don't know what's the best thing to do, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I don't know what's good or bad, stupid or smart, any of it. And not just taxes- I feel that way when I try to pick my classes, think about my major, plan for the summer semester, think about getting a job, or getting an apartment. They're all things I want to do, and I try to ask people and do some research on my options, but I feel like I'm wandering around blindfolded just poking at things randomly. I have no idea what I'm doing.
When I started to apply for colleges I had to idea where I wanted to go, so I sat down in the library with the giant College Board book of colleges and started making a list of every college in the country that had a good academic standing, gave financial aid, and was near a city. Those were the only criteria I had. After a week I ended up with a list of 140 schools. Then I spent two months eliminated schools based on their tuitions and a few other mundane factors I found in a 'choose your college' handbook. It sounds fairly smart typed out but through the whole process I felt like I was guessing. "45,000 a year? Too much maybe I guess. Do they give out of state scholarships? I mean, it says they don't. Okay, then cross it off. Yeah but..." it just felt like I was going back and forth crossing things out arbitrarily without any real reasoning. So many schools were similar that I couldn't make many decisions. My family thought I was crazy. I was putting so much effort into something I didn't really have an opinion on either way. I applied to 9 schools, got into 8, and then just went to the in-state school closest to my house.
I had no idea what I was doing then and no idea now. I'm just going through the motions because it's the stuff I know I need to do to succeed. Beyond that I don't have any reason for my choices, so I don't know what to decide. I'm just bumbling around; I have no idea what I want or what I should do.
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self.offmychest
|
I can't do this anymore Why am I here. I don't wnat to be here. everyday that passes I can't take anymore. And if I take my life who would notice? I don't want to be alive anymore. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Ever get sick of anxiety for the day and it kinda goes away? Like, you’ve spent so much energy worrying and contemplating that you just naturally focus on other things and your anxiety goes away? At least temporarily.
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self.Anxiety
|
Credible online resources for researching medications Hello all. Long time reddit user though I just created this account specifically to learn, share, and discuss my bipolar diagnosis. Going in to the new year, I want to try and tackle my treatment starting with understanding more about medications as I consult with my psychiatrist.
Does anyone have advice on established or credible online websites for researching basic information on different medications?
My default is to use the Mayo Clinic but I would like to hear from others on sites or resources they use.
Thank you!
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self.bipolar
|
I wouldn't mind being a candle Yesterday was transgender day of remembrance. There were so many wonderful posts about people who had overcome their inner demons, who didn't want to add to the list of trans people who killed themselves. Everyone was up in arms saying "I would rather raise the flag in pride than have a candle lit in my honour." I honestly wish I could say the same thing, that I've resolved to fight back against the hatred of this world. But I can't say that. I can't leave this life because there are people who rely on me, but every day I wish that I could. I would be fine with just being another statistic, and having a candle lit in my name.
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self.depression
|
Mental Blocks and Anxiety So I am an all star cheerleader and I know I can do my roundoff back handspring. But lately (past two weeks) whenever I think about doing it or try and do it, my body tenses up and I just can’t do it. I don’t know if this is the right place to post this, but I just needed to get it off my chest.
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self.Anxiety
|
Anxiety related sleeping issues. So I'm writing this on yet another sleepless night. So lately I've had problems sleeping. What basically happens is that my heartrate goes up when trying to sleep. I often check my heartrate before sleeping and when I'm not feeling anxious it's usually somewhere in between 50 to 60 bpm and recently it's been between 70 to 80.
Any ideas of what I should do? I was thinking about talking to my doctor and hopefully get sleeping pills prescribed.
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self.Anxiety
|
Nobody cares I fucking hate this stupid world. Nobody cares about me, I have no friends and I'm a disappointment to everyone I've ever met. It feels like every day the air is sucking the life out of me. I've accomplished nothing and that will never change because I'm a pathetic lazy, selfish and annoying person. I just want my life to be over, i can't keep trying to be happy. I have nothing left
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Does this sound like starting a mania episode to you? (After starting Prozac) Hey everyone. So after an excruciating break up two years ago, I was completely fucked. But I waited for the sadness to go away so I could move on...and waited...and waited. After 6 months of only getting worse I decided to seek help. My doctor prescribed me Prozac and at first I was hesitant to start taking it. Now from what I’ve heard, this is very uncommon but the very first day I took it, 2 hours later while at school I had the thought of playing PlayStation because it sounded fun! It took me a minute to realize I had not had that desire for the entire 6 months I had been depressed. I also have ADHD and take Vyvanse so I was so focused on my work that I forgot I even took Prozac. I’ve used (safe) recreational drugs and I know a placebo when it is one, and that day didn’t feel like a placebo. I took them for a about a month or maybe two and stopped them when I felt better. In December of 2017 soon after stopping Prozac I experienced a surge of energy and wanted to write, talk to people, make plans etc. and stayed up most of the night for a few days and barely slept. That was my first experience with what I had thought to be a manic phase because I crashed like a motherfucker. I was back to my own depressed self and thought it had something to do with the Prozac but since my doctors can’t pinpoint my diagnosis I think that could have been an episode. Fast forward to Sunday night, I decided this shit was getting too painful. I had no confidence, didn’t want to talk, couldn’t find the energy to fake smiles anymore etc so I found my old script and decided I would try again and took one a few hours before bed. I didn’t sleep that whole night and I was sure I felt a shift In awareness but thought I was having a placebo. The next day I was way more fucking anxious, but couldn’t notice the pit in my stomach from depression as much. I could feel it if I focused but it was suppressed or something. Now Wednesday, I am feeling wayyyy better. Super motivated, new positive thoughts that come by themselves which sadly freaked me out at first, I’m so excited for life and see so much opportunity and shit to enjoy, I want to talk to girls that attempt to talk to me but I had no confidence and felt paranoid around them and now I am not scared at all and just have confidence and good self esteem. Now I know nobody will be able to know 100%, but in your opinion does this sound like the start to a manic episode or is this what happy people feel like who don’t want to kill themselves on the daily? Also, can something such as a breakup trigger bipolar depression (I was 15)? Whatever is happening to me is not a placebo and I can just feel there is something changing in my head. I just cannot tell if this is the start of mania or because the Prozac is working. It’s not too common for an SSRI to start working so fast but I read it isn’t THAT rare either. Sorry for such a long fuckin post, didn’t even notice. Thank you for any insight or opinions.
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self.bipolar
|
Does this seem like Anxiety to you? So I have been a bunch of strange symptoms over the last 3 weeks which have caused me to freak out thinking that I have MS. The symptoms are
1. A sense of something crawling over my skin. This is very random and never never localized and jumps from one leg to another and to my arms i think i got it even in my lower back and neck (I think)
2. Muscle twitches all over ranging from both legs to arms to triceps to stomach to upper back...Its also very random and its hard to predict where the next twitch will be
3. Trembling\shaking in my arms and legs when I wake up (some nights) ..seems to go away after 15-20 minutes (or lesser, hard to tell when you are half asleep and wondering what is wrong ..)
4. Very mild tremors in my hands. I dont even know if this is something I had all my life or I just noticed it
I went to a chiropractor thinking it was due to a pinched nerve and she ran some tests and said my nerves seem fine based upon the actions she performed (like triggering nerves). I went to my GP and he ran a full scale of blood tests and everything came back perfectly normal and he also did strength and reflex tests and said that I am perfectly healthy..He was at a loss to why I was experiencing these symptoms though..He suggested I wait for a month to see how it feels and we can get a referral to a neurologist but he felt it was nothing to worry about.
I havent noticed any muscle loss or strength loss ..but I cant shake the feeling that this is something neurological...
Your thoughts and experiences would be great-fully appreciated..
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self.Anxiety
|
I want magic to be real. I love magic. My favorite genre of books, video games, and films is fantasy, especially when there is some magical aspect to it. Whether it's similar to Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, the Force, Elder Scrolls, Pirates of the Carribean, Mistborn, A Song of Ice and Fire...whatever, I just want it to be real, even if I can't do it (but being able to do it would be nice).
It would also mean that there's a greater force we don't understand, something non-magic folk and governments can't control...can't regulate..can't do ***ANYTHING*** about.
Even if it would unhinge the non-magic world, cause governments to freak out, or even cause a magic/non-magic war, I just want it to be real...to exist. Even if it killed me, I could die happy, because some form of my favorite fictional mechanic (or at what I thought was fictional) was real all along.
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self.offmychest
|
Does anyone know if caffeine heightens, or lessens, anxiety? Im currently out of Prozac (hurray) and have been for the past couple of days. I know that, for me, caffeine works as a quick and dirty fix for ADD. I’m just curious about what effect it will have on my anxiety.
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self.Anxiety
|
What's the point? I'm so scared all the fucking time. Life is mostly negative emotions for me why shouldn't I just call it quits? I hate everything about myself. I'm a worthless selfish asshole just like my father. I can see it in the way I act around others. My heart is full of anger and hate, I'm an example of everything that's wrong with humanity. I provide zero value to my friends and family and they're wrong for caring about me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm going to die without being love because of the way I am now. I only like this girl and in my twenty years of living on this forsaken planet, I've only ever liked one girl romantically and only that girl.
Well, here we go. My story.
Me and this girl have been friends for four years and she's actually approached me when I was with mutual friends. When we hung out with me and my friends, she seemed so happy to talk to me, she would giggle and laugh at all of my terrible jokes and always made sure to sit next to me...and if she wasn't, she would always find a way. She broke the touch barrier with me on a couple occasions with her hands and bare feet. We had a lot of the same interests and we clicked very well, as you all can see. There was on one occasion where I showed my new ID and she said how.cute in was in the photo and how "photogenic" I was. After all, of course, I developed feelings for her.
Fuck it, I'll save the long details. Long story short: I reconnected with her and after a month of talking, I confessed to her and asked to stay friends, to which she accepted. I got paranoid and after a month, I asked her why did she rejected me, to which she replied that she's never liked anyone in her like that way and she's never been sexually or romantically interested in anyone. She said she likes the idea of those things and she's conflicted with her own sexuality, so she refrained from saying she's asexual.
But the thing that I'm suspicious about is if she has autism. I did a project in college for a class and for Asperger's, she had every symptom and does all of them, if not on a daily basis. And if it is the case, then I fear she doesn't feel anything for anyone, even me in the future.
My depression intensified and I have fallen into darkness. I'm doing things now that I never would have thought of doing in a million years. I'm unhealthy, in every aspect of my wellbeing. But when I talk her, I improve and feel great after. But I hurt myself because I don't like anyone else except her. Girls at college don't interest me and I unconsciously picky of them, they don't meet my criteria. She was the only girl meet it, and I only like her. Since she's asexual, I don't have to worry but still I only like her.
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self.offmychest
|
I feel like I'm losing I feel like I'm losing the war inside my head with all this anxiety, overthinking and all these thoughts and I don't know what to do. I hate sharing what I'm going through with people because I don't want them to worry.
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self.Anxiety
|
Completely out of motivation I’ve always struggled with getting myself motivated to do my schoolwork. Usually I can force myself to do it most of the time, but recently my motivation and drive to do my work has been so low that it’s hurting my grades. Any advice on how to fix this?
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self.depression
|
I’m having extreme difficulty getting out of my head. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Very anxious about going back to work tomorrow Starting a 3-week contract tomorrow to finish up a project I was working on before the holidays. I know it’s not that long but my anxiety made it very difficult for me to work before the holidays. I’m worried it won’t go any better this time around. I find myself being anxious about getting anxious at work and having panic attacks... any advice?
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self.Anxiety
|
I just want to feel okay with wanting to commit suicide I don't want to have that nagging voice that says "don't do it". It's always wrong. I genuinely feel like I would be happier dying and not having to deal with the bullshit of the world, but I can't just 'try' to commit suicide. I either need to be successful or not try at all. I couldn't handle living with serious damage from an unsuccessful attempt. How can I make myself okay with going through with it?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Made the mistake of thinking about a tramautic event to answer an Ask reddit thread. Shaking again. Fuck, I thought it goes away. I would have been fine last month.
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self.Anxiety
|
People don't understand In the eyes of the people around me I'm just a stupid teen. But in reality I'm a deeply depressed with no way out. I've tryed to kill myself 3 times and thought about it since I was 13 I'm 16 now. People say life gets better but since I was 13 it hasn't it just get worse. Nothing works no one can help me. I feel nothing. All I want is to just die. Life sucks I didn't choose to be born but I choose to not live anymore
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Can someone be nice for a second? Single middle aged guy just trying to survive. Mostly fine, occasionally lonely. I have no support system. No family or friends. I'm not even asking for a hug, just maybe a few nice words? Perhaps a conversation?
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self.SuicideWatch
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The only reason I don't kill myself is that I don't want my family to be embarrassed [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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It's cold out there -- I lost a lot of weight over the past couple of years. I cleaned out my coat closet and took 6 winter coats that didn't fit to my local homeless shelter, along with some sweaters, warm scarves and layering type t-shirts.
The guy who took my donation told me that they can't keep enough coats on hand for the people who need them, and that the ones I'd brought would likely be given out that evening.
So...if any of you have coats in your closet that you're not wearing, please take 'em on down to your local homeless shelter, if you want to. Maybe you'll help someone stay just a little bit warmer.
Oh, and in each coat that had an interior zipper pocket, I put a $5 bill, just because sometimes you need a pleasant surprise...and I'll take my lunch to work all next week instead of buying it. :)
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self.offmychest
|
Woop Woop I don't sleep anymore and I barely eat. My parents noticed and are now kind of worried. Mostly mad though. That's a change. I had a slight burst of energy. I think it's my body's last "hurrah" before I fall into the sweet release of death. That was a joke, I'm not dying at least not on the outside. (woah super edgy) I've commented on a few threads to try and at least have someone to talk to. I'm lonely.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
She is God's apology She knows me.
She has seen me higher than the tweekers strutting down The Drag, spitting my words out with vigor, swaggering like I own the world. Confidence bordering on grandiosity, young and hungry, ready to make a name for myself. Dreams of a life like Jordan Belfort, my eyes shine with lust.
She knows me.
She has seen me lower than the day after an acid trip, my words flat and my eyes lifeless. She's seen me with the barrel of a 9 millimeter pressed against my temple, cold steel meets skin, one in the chamber, prepared to take my own life in an attempt to finally have some peace and quiet. I ask the diety I don't believe in to PLEASE for fucks sake, just kill me already, because I am a hollow shell of who I once was.
She knows me.
She's seen me wide eyed, standing in the kitchen with a steak knife clutched in my hand, arguing with the demon in my head because god dammit I don't WANT to cut myself but I will if it will make you shut the fuck up. Walls melting into psychadelic murals, ominous shadows creeping just outside my field of vision, sure signs from The Universe of my immenent death.
She knows me.
And she says:
"Have you slept?"
"Are you ok?"
"Can I help?"
She knows me.
And she says:
"It's ok."
"Me too."
"I love you."
She said the first time I kissed her, she looked at me and I turned a vibrant shade of blue.
She said once she fell asleep next to me, her nightmares stopped and she didn't live in hell every night, she dreamed about us.
She said she doesn't want to be on this Earth either, but she does it for me.
She says she loves me.
And I thank The Universe for that.
She is God's apology for cursing me so deeply.
And it's us against the world.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
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self.bipolar
|
hey, I'm back another throwaway account
I'm back to my suicidal tendencies and hatred of life. Fueled jealousy of others, my inadequacy life, my shame of being the person I am, and just general problems with society has caused me to be this way.
I procrastinate constantly, I rarely go outside, I can't stand people anymore, and I'm contemplating my own demise right now.
Fuck life.
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self.depression
|
I feel lonely no matter what. How do I form meaningful connections? I’m not a socialite or anything, but I have a few close friends who I care about a lot. My family isn’t awful right now, and I’m super close with my twin brother. It just seems like no matter how many times I communicate with other humans, I always feel empty and lonely. What’s odd is that, if I’m at home playing video games or readying, I don’t get the same intense loneliness. I’m tired of feeling like a purposeless shell. I just wish I had a “best friend” that I could confide in. I go to therapy, and while I find it helpful, I don’t consider my therapist a friend.
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self.depression
|
Autopilot Whilst I do have ADHD and autism, I noticed today that I was in ‘autopilot’ mode during most of my first day at work.
Is this a common manifestation of anxiety?
I do take Citalopram and Concerta for anxiety, depression and focus but I haven’t been particularly forlorn for over three months now. But the Concerta is to be changed soon as it hasn’t been terribly effective and I hate slow release stimulants.
My mind tends to be either fuzzy or blank in situations which require lots of interaction with others. Shamefully I don’t have any friends (I’m 27) but under no circumstances do I consider myself to be a misanthropist or averse to other human beings.
If anyone has had similar experiences, I’d be interested to know how you stopped yourself from switching into such a state.
I hate being so detached and depersonalised.
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self.Anxiety
|
The way I feel today As if an enormous hand has me caught by the chest. As if I´m dragging an anvil tied to my ankle. As if I am submerged undera layer of ice, thicker enough so that I can see the surface, but not emerge. I know there is a simpler reality out there, a clarity that I can almost touch but it somehow escapes from me.
I ask myself questions when I already know the answers and in my head the same concerns keep repeting themselves again and again as if I could somehow reach a healing conclussion. I can´t avoid thinking that I´m locked and that the rest of the world is just at the other side of the door. If only I could remember how to open it.
I know there are things the others don´t think, feelings the others don´t have and sometimes it just feels that the weight in my mind is just too much and that it is so unfair that I´m the one that has to live with it.
There´s nothing wrong in my life but me. The problem is not and never has been the things than happen but the way that I tend to react to them. Fighting that tendency has become my life goal. I´m usually kind of proud of the way I´m doing it but not today. Today it just feels like it would never be enough.
Let´s hope I will do it better tomorrow.
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self.depression
|
Is anybody out there? If find it kinda of funny that my last words are gonna be a posted by me in a web page, which is visited yi thousands of people daily, and even though it's probably that nobody reads it. But bah I just hope to those who took 5 minutes of their precious life to read about my average-no so especial life maybe I could leave a little bit of my self for a while. Through out my life I have been all kind person, I mean I have been good, bad, gentle, rude, romantic, obscene, maniatic, committed, but mostly (and must of all) a f*cking pice of shit. Every person which use and is around me gets hurt in any kind of way. I have lost, friends, family, lovers, all because that the way I am (I guess so?) Most lately I have lost the love of the person I have love the most in my entire life, that was 3 months ago, and I can't, I just can't get my life back in track, I have tried, god i have tried. But it just it seems there's no point of doing so. I have 25 years old, alcoholic and drogadict, still leaving with my parents piece of shit, who has al ready tried once to check out earlier, but hell spat me out back. I have cause to my family lots (LOTS), instead of being a son to be proud of I feel they are ashamed of me, and well I such is life. I will always love to be the kind of kid which parents have a wall full of throphies and medals and awards, but since I was a kid I was a real trash of existence. And now here I am feeling like a burden, more like a person who can help his family and keep it together and happy. But well I have not even graduated from college yet, when all my friends already have, and I am often compared to that statement. But well my dear reader I hope I didn't take to much of your time, and well tomorrow I plan to take 60 mg of clonazepam with a very nice tequila bottle and for god sake I hope this time works. Does anybody knows if that dosage is enough form my to die at last? I'm kind of 70kg 178 cm normal complexion. Yah knaw not a special person. Tú I'm glad I did this. Peace and love to ya all and thank for reading. And by the way if you know a more effective way (but painless) tú end my miserable life please share?
Best regards! And love
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self.SuicideWatch
|
"Group" projects are the worst WHY IS IT THAT EVERY TIME A GROUP ASSIGNMENT HAPPENS THAT MY GROUP IS THE DUMBEST. I'm working on group projects right now and I guess my partner just can't tell the difference between their and there and that's the least of the problems. So wish me luck in pulling a few all-nighters to fix this shit.
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self.offmychest
|
How do I get over thinking I’m in a constant threat of dying? It’s always really funny to me when songs talk about living like your dying. They really mean cherish life and live life to the fullest. For me living like I’m dying is a horrible daily worry and is changing me for the worse. Multiple times a day I have some physical symptom and immediately get worried about dying. I’m scared to exercise and do outdoor sports because I’m worried I’m just going to drop dead. Logically we all are at deaths door and that’s a fact of life. We will never know when it will occur but it is inevitable. I need to learn to be ok with that right? I’ve done CBT exercises and it helps at the time of the occurrence but is in no way preventative for the automatic thoughts in the first place. What do I do? I don’t want to live the next 40 years of my life worried about death. If I’m worried about death now (I’m in my 20’s) wtf am I gonna do in my 60’s (JFC). Feels good to get that off my chest. What are your thoughts r/anxiety? Thanks, Firstname Lastname
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self.Anxiety
|
Does anybody else imaging living a better life? I will just sit in my bed dreaming about having a better life. Not feel ashamed to speak about my feelings to someone, not being isolated, having friends, stop being laughed at. Just live a normal life for once. I can only dream right
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self.depression
|
I have difficulty to focus. Are drugs prescribed to people with ADHD (adderall and ritalin) a bad choice if I have anxiety disorder? (Small doses of caffeine seem to have positive effect on my anxiety level.)
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self.Anxiety
|
At this rate, depression is going to be a default sub Just keeping watching the subs climb higher, week by week...
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self.depression
|
Don’t even have the energy to write in this Look through my post and comment history all you’d like, the gist is that I hate life and that nothing I do could possibly improve me.
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self.depression
|
Depressed but Depressed even further after reading r/sex and r/relationships. Depressed and Lonely (Don't have anyone),
0 experience, no relationships ever, abusive relationship with parents, trauma, treated like shit/doormat. My siblings think i'm a loser. Never been hugged or loved. :(
When I'm out I don't feel like I exist, No one can see me. I don't even feel human.
Used a mirror for the first time 2 years ago, I don't recognise the person in the mirror. It keeps on changing.
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self.depression
|
I hate myself I hate myself, but I don't completely want to. I wrote down a list of reasons/opinions I have about myself:
-unable to fulfill any shred of human decency
-unable to remember things
-waaay too able to remember other things
-can't control myself, my emotions, or especially my discipline.
-I can't do homework and I'm lazy and in a constant state of procrastination.
-I can't have fun anytime ever for real.
-Any time I DO have fun I'm forgetting something incredibly, incredibly important.
-My skills are very small, and the skills I do have are either useless or only useful when I have enough money in life (except MAYBE spanish, but other people are so much better than me in that)
-I am stupid, and I can't stop failing at life.
-I over-generalize constantly, and I suck so much at life and everything else.
-The world is against me in one way or another
-Some of my qualities are things that a huge chunk of people are basically against
-I won't actually do anything about my problems because I'm lazy and I probably don't want any change to this and I just want to stay a fucking dependent teenager my entire life, living in this terrible cycle of chaos that I and pretty much everyone else hates.
-By over-generalizing, I mean that something that one person says is something that I assume everyone else says, like everyone saying or even IMPLYING or even logically connecting to something that I need to do but I haven't done at all yet.
-I am also so fucking stubborn.
-I'm autistic, and even high functioning autistics are unable to do a surprising amount of things and are generally terrible people.
-I do things that show how much of a terrible, mean, unsympathetic person I really am.
-I have no job and I'm so fucking immature that I was STILL playing minecraft/roblox in 2017 when I was 16 years old, and that deserves the worst punishment imaginable.
-I am stupid and I thought I was smart, and there are so many things that I do that I hate so much, or rather things that I don't do that are fucking obvious.
-I am unable to do fucking obvious things.
-I can't list things I can't do because I CAN'T REMEMBER THOSE FUCKING THINGS and I know that I should know what I'm talking about but instead I just hate myself for the sake of hating my FUKCING self.
-I am a loser and a failure, I can't even win in stuff like video games.
-Who I am is a mystery, but it's also a fucking stupid mystery because when you find out you just see a pile of shit dug under the x on the map instead of treasure.
-I feel like a part of my brain is faking it for sympathy points, but then I'm afraid of beign called "dumb," "terrible," and "you shouldn't have done this and that."
-I repeat things to myself too often, and I don't like that.
-I am stupid.
-I am dumb.
-These feelings are so damn periodic, and I'm moody as fuck, and i hate that the most.
-Also, the world sucks because I can't change it and no one else can. I hate that a lot, but it's my fault because I couldn't change and cause some short of magical butterfly effects.
-I think I'm actually important.
-I think that magic might be a thing that actually exists.
-I am desperately waiting for some short of miracle to happen in my life to make my life better.
-I am helpless when it feels like I shouldn't be, and that I can actually do something but I"m not doing anything because I'm stupid and I don't want change and everything I do feels hard in one way or another.
-I say "fuck" all the time even though it doesn't do anything and only shows my autism.
-I think Autism is something I can blame when it's really my fault.
-Oh, yeah, and I have health problems, too. The metaphorical cherry on top of a banana-split failure.
Any advice on how to stop this? Yes, I do have therapy, but the appointments are commonly booked, and I'm afraid I forget about the meetings soon afterwards so I can focus on other "more important things" that aren't actually fucking important, like global politics and video games (the parts that don't matter, not the parts that do).
Also, I know that many of those points are ridiculous and that it may seem like I'm lying about my thoughts, but I swear to god I'm not. I know that it may seem like I'm just lying to myself or whatever, but I just can't break out of this state of helplessness that I feel so often. Sorry if it looks like I'm trying to fish for karma, and if you think that please don't upvote this post.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Regarding Zoloft Hey all, I was just wondering what your experiences were like with zoloft. I was prescribed zoloft for anxiety and panic disorder but I haven't began taking it yet. Have any of you had any bad side effects upon beginning to take it? I'm nervous that it will have adverse effects or something. Has it helped any of you as well? I've heard great things about zoloft, and I've heard people also recommend not taking it. I just want to see what I'm in for. I'm hoping it will help, because the anxiety and panic has been absolutely horrible lately.
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self.Anxiety
|
iTherapy.com AMA on January 11 with Licensed Professionals Hello everyone!
On Thursday, January 11, we will be hosting an Ask Me Anything thread with a team from iTherapy.com, an online counseling service that assists practices in managing their offices. The AMA will cover a wide range of mental health topics with a focus on anxiety and related disorders.
The team will consist of the following professionals, whose licensing information the /r/Anxiety mod team has independently verified.
* Courtney Glashow (/u/courtneyglashowLCSW) - Licensed Clinical Social Worker from [Anchor Therapy](https://anchortherapy.org) with a focus on mental health and anxiety.
* Dalila Jusic-Laberge (/u/dalilaj) - Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist from [Be Here & Now Counseling](https://behereandnow.com) with a focus on anxiety, trauma, coping, parenting, and dating after divorce.
* Daniela Paolone (/u/Daniela-P-Counseling) - Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist from [Westlake Village Counseling](https://westlakevillage-counseling.com) with a focus on chronic pain, chronic illness, anxiety, and trauma.
* Dr. Mona Ghosheh (/u/DrMonaG) - Licensed Psychologist from [Dr. Mona Ghosheh](http://www.drmonag.com) with a focus on depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
**The AMA thread will be posted by /u/iTherapy and will open on Thursday, January 11, 2018 at 10:00 am EST.** While all answers will come from the iTherapy team, the subreddit mods will be monitoring the thread. Please remain respectful and keep all questions on topic to mental health.
Thank you and we hope everyone is looking forward to this as much as we are.
Your /r/Anxiety Mods
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self.Anxiety
|
1 year later: still thinking of suicide, still a pedophile This is kind of a status report.
I joined a year ago, posted this: https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/59mji5/i_hate_myself_because_im_a_pedophile/ Almost exactly a year ago, but the timing is not intended.
I stopped taking the chemical castration medication in December, I think. It wasn't working enough to justify the health risks. I was tired of the humiliating process of picking up that medication from the pharmacy and getting the injection while being judged by the staff as if I was a child abuser every step of the way.
As far as suicidal progress goes, I got nervous in January and went to hospital instead of attempting. March 2017 was the five year anniversary of my first realizing what I am. That got me serious again, so I finally made an attempt in May. I ended up being taken to hospital for an admission, where they put me on a mood stabilizer.
From June until the end of September, the mood stabilizer blocked me from feeling depressed or suicidal. I became very distracted as I was more active in my daily life and finding more ways to keep busy. But near the end of September I realized that feeling better had resulted in a steady increase in sexual fantasies.
This is unacceptable to me, so I stopped taking the mood stabilizer this month and I'm not fully back to being suicidal yet but at least my self-hatred is back in strength enough to shut out the fantasies for the most part. Funny that I didn't know how much the self-hatred was helping me.
I told my therapist last week that every day that I don't kill myself is a day that I've compromised with my integrity. This whole year has consisted of nothing but distractions and excuses.
Nothing is really stopping me from going out today and ending it. But my friend who I'm renting with will be screwed without a replacement. Also I'm running a server and a website and they'll disappear when I'm gone. Oh, and I owe somebody $40. ... ... ...
I guess I just have to "get over it" regarding the various obligations of life. I don't want the embarrassment of coming back a second year to admit that I'm still alive.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
And to add to my anxiety I already posted about how my anxiety has been peaking lately, and how I rarely sleep, and that my stress has been growing more and more.
Well, to add to the long list of things I was already stressed about, I have an emergency appointment early tomorrow morning to see my surgeon. It seems the incision from my emergency abdominal surgery is opening - dehiscence. I am so worried and so nervous.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Heart palpitations and 2 seconds of terror? I have panic disorder. Lately, I've been experiencing a lot of heart palpitations which prelude a panic attack. I went to the ER to get it checked out, and even had a palpitation and panic attack as I was hooked to the machine and they said it was totally normal and just anxiety.
Lately since that happened, I've been feeling like very strong anxiety and feeling like I'm going to die for about 2-5 seconds, then suddenly I feel perfectly fine for hours, then after a few hours I feel that absolute terror for 2-5 seconds again which is usually preceded by a heart palpitation. This happens regularly.
What is happening to me?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone get arm numbness with their anxiety? I’m some what of a hypochondriac but one thing for certain is my left arm being numb or hurting nearly 24/7 (because I’m anxious 24/7) of course it makes me worry that I’m having a heart attack, although I’m 22 and seemingly healthy. Does anyone else have this? Is there a reason?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Any calming game reccomendations? Hi everyone,
I was just wondering if anyone has some game reccomendations, either pc, 3ds or phone apps.
I find that games distract me a lot and help to calm my anxiety. I usually turn to games like animal crossing and stardew valley but if anyone else has different reccomendations I'm willing to try!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Fucking HELP Today's been a perfect storm of awful. I didn't sleep well. Every little thing was annoying and stupider than it should be. Then I called my pharmacy to check if my refill of Wellbutrin (prescribed in November for particularly bad seasonal depression due to holidays and anniversary of mother's death) was ready. Here's where the rage started.
Friday I was out of Wellbutrin. So I called my pharmacy. They said I didn't have a refill. So I called my doctor. They said they couldn't send the refill request, the pharmacy had to send one. So I called the pharmacy. They said they sent the request. I called the doctor back and stayed on the phone with them until they had the request IN HAND and were taking it back to my doctor and it would get sent out before close of business. All's well, right?
Wrong.
Wonderfully Supportive and Loving Partner (WSLP) went to the pharmacy for me. And the pharmacy said they never got the refill request from the doctor. Of course by this point the doctor's office was closed, so I begged them to give me a partial fill till Monday, which they did. Super. No problem. I'll get it straight Monday.
Monday (today) I called the pharmacy. No, still nothing. So I call the doctor's office. They claim they never received a refill request. I explain to the receptionist my conversation Friday, and she apologizes and says she'll catch my doctor on her way out to lunch and get it sent over for me. Okay. So I wait. Eventually I get the text from the pharmacy that it's ready for pickup. Cool.
Then I call my therapist, with whom I'm supposed to have an appointment tonight, to confirm they take my new insurance. I'm told I'm not in their system. I apologize for calling the wrong number and hang up. Then call back a minute later because I didn't have the wrong number. The receptionist said she misspoke, that they don't have me on the schedule for today. Okay, so I've been trying to get ahold of my therapist since last week by phone and by email to get her to confirm this new insurance and can you help me with that please? Well she's not in the office today, so I won't be able to get ahold of her, but we don't take that insurance.
FUCK. I say thank you and hang up the phone before yelling that.
All right. So before I call the day a total wash and make myself pass out somehow, I get up, take a shower, put on lotion, get dressed, all while muttering to myself that everything's going to be fine, I'm just going to have to get really good at self-care really fucking fast, just go to the pharmacy and the rental office and then you can come home and fuck off the rest of the day. I get to my car, which WSLP used this weekend. There's a foot difference in our heights so I have to readjust EVERYTHING. And he left soda cans in the car. I nearly blow a gasket. About having to readjust the seat and mirrors (don't even get me started on the soda cans).
I make it to the pharmacy but only after calling three separate people fucking bitches who need to get the fuck out of my way (in my car where they can't hear me) (and the pharmacy is two blocks from my apartment). Person in front of me at the pharmacy is a moron, using multiple cards, typing in her phone number wrong, who knows what else. I'm practicing deep breathing like I'm going for some world record. The pharmacist gives me my prescription, I pay, thank her, and leave. Only to have the exact same person in the parking lot blocking me in because she's texting. More deep breathing. A bird or birds flying over shit on my car's hood and windshield as I'm sitting there trying to maintain what composure I have.
All this time I'm just becoming more and more and more angry. To the point that I am sure I have NEVER been this angry. And at the same time knowing it is all completely irrational anger, misdirected in all sorts of ways. I want to dress my WSLP down for leaving trash in my car and for always raising the headrest even though he says he doesn't and using my car at all goddamn it. I want to scream at the doctor's office and the therapist's office. I want to hit something. I want to run someone over with my car. I've NEVER been this mad. All the while, though, it's like I'm in third person almost telling the anger that it doesn't make any sense and not letting any of it out. Until here I sit typing all of this.
What the HELL is going on. I mean obviously extreme stress of several things stacked on top of each other in quick succession. But when I got back from errands and opened the front door, the two cats came running to meet me. Angry Me wanted to punt both of them. Rational Me said that absolutely none of this can possibly be remotely their fault and besides that's animal abuse, don't kick the kitties so I just asked them to get out of my way, please, babies (I call them my girls, my babies, my sweeties, I adore them. Shout out to Moo and KitBit!). This whole time I kept thinking "I am psychotically angry" though I've never actually been psychotic, to my knowledge, just BP2 and anxiety and PTSD (probably) but I was just damn near foaming at the mouth angry, it's like WHAT the FUCK is THAT? Oh and then I cried. Because of course I did.
|
self.bipolar
|
Ever think about telling somebody you know about your anxiety? I have told a few close friends about my crying at night/ stress fits when there's nothing in particular to stress about.
I just sometimes want to tell the assholes/ bossy friends in my circles about it so they'd understand why k couldn't stay at parties long, or why I put off something even though at the time I committed to the task I was eager to...
It'd be nice if they acknowledged it but I'm afraid it'll somehow ruin the road to friendship as it would be nice to ease into all the stuff that goes on in my head.
I'd like to know if anyone else thinks about the scenario which would play out? Would it be worth it?
|
self.Anxiety
|
How has Depression impacted your Thanksgiving so far? I imagine many people's Thanksgiving holidays are spent with a whole slew of family members or friends, cooking up a big turkey and the fixings, socializing, celebrating in front of a fireplace.
Me: will be eating cold cuts with canned yams, cranberry sauce and canned vegetables. Then have a York peppermint patty to top it all off in the end.
I just don't have the energy to cook or celebrate anything, but getting a "taste" of the holiday (like eating uncooked marshmallows atop yams) is good enough. Then add some ready-made Hawaiian bread.
I don't have any friends or a significant other, so it is pretty simple. I'll be glad when the day is over.
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self.depression
|
If one person reads what I have to share, then I'm satisfied. Hi friends. It's just slow at work and I wanted to share how I've felt the past year. I've never posted here before, but I've never felt so depressed before, so here goes.
I'm currently 20 and I've never felt so selfish, pessimistic, narcissistic, and lazy in my life. When I was 17 I found this girl that was such a perfect person for me to kill time with. We both enjoyed writing and each other's company and had similar views on life and I had never been able to talk so easily to another person. She opened up to me about her depression and history with mental health and I let her in and told her that I'd always be there for her so that together we could love life to its fullest. I constantly reminded her that I was the luckiest person. Her family felt like mine, and I was never alone.
2 years passed and during that time we were eachothers firsts for everything. We let each other become so close and so comfortable with eachother, I was positive that we were born to love eachother. But after 2 years or so, we started to argue over trivial matters and our romance lost some of the cloud nine effect. We talked about how whether or not we wanted to spend our entire lives with one person, or if we wanted to know what it was like to reach this level of intimacy with other people. She then went to Ecuador for 3 months. She left on a bad note, but I still made an effort to talk to her everyday.
During this time, someone new came to me at work and started flirting with me and eventually asked me out. I had my doubts on the relationship I was in and told this new girl that I was interested. And so we met here and there which eventually lead to some kissing and dating. Not sex though. I was incredibly distraught, and it was easy to channel my feelings on someone new opposed to my girlfriend in a foreign country.
I was so fucking stupid. She was my world. I cheated on someone who I was still in love with while trying to convince myself she didn't mean that much to me. Don't follow these footsteps.
I should have communicated with anyone. My family, my friends, with my girlfriend. But I didn't, and I continued to spend time with this new girl. I caved with guilt and told my girlfriend while I was in Florida on spring break with family. We spent plenty of nights skyping and facetiming and the like, but one night I dropped this bomb on her.
While she was in a foreign country where she had no close family or friends, her first love, her best friend and companion of two years told her that he's seeing someone else.
If I could time travel, I'd beat the shit out of myself.
She bought a plane ticket to head home early and we spent a little time together when she came back, but I felt like this situation could only snowball, that I had to follow through. I didn't know what I had until it was gone. So we left each other on a terrible note, all my fault.
I dated this new girl for the Spring and part of the summer, but broke things off with her because I couldn't stop feeling guilty. I just got a 2 year degree from community college and was feeling not only like hot shit, but also lost and afraid. Incredibely conflicted on all frontiers. So now I'm currently going back to the same community college for something new.
My family's proud of me for still continuing school, but it feel like I'm just burning up the rest of my financial aid because I don't want to move on. I can't move from this town, away from this girl. I met with her once or twice to let her know how terrible I am and how awful I feel, breaking down into tears in front of her. I feel absolutely pathetic. But she's stronger than I am, and moved on. She's better off without me, I'm just holding her back. I believe she's finally blocked me. She's seeing someone new as well.
So now I don't know what to do, I don't care about anything, I don't want to make new friends or maintain friendships outside of my 3 best friends. I tell people that I'm willing to hang whenever, but then flake all the time or won't respond. I picked up unhealthy eating habits and got into running to counter them, but I end up eating past my exercise and feel sick incessantly.
I can never be with her again because she doesn't deserve me. She deserves to be with someone who's love for her is absolute and undsunting. I tell myself that I was just young, stupid, and inexperienced. But I'm just trying to search for excuses.
During the summer, I told myself I'd kill myself come March 26. It's when I abandoned her. I've had plenty of nights where I've come close to suicide, but in still trying to be patient. March is coming closer and closer and of course I don't want to die, but I think about her every single fucking hour of every single day.
I'll love you forever Margo. I'm sorry.
Time to get back to work, thanks for reading.
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self.depression
|
Shared my pre-cancer all clear with my future MIL and she got nasty I had a pre-cancer scare earlier this year (CIN 3 pre-cancer on my cervix). This week I got the all clear. I shared this news with family and friends and with my future-MIL. I expected congratulations and that we could celebrate together at a Christmas get together tomorrow where they light up their Christmas tree and serve hot chocolate. Instead I got the following. I was out shopping at the time and burst into hysterics over the first reply. I'm home now but still feeling down. I don't want to speak to the future-MIL now. If you guys have some words of support then I'd be grateful. If you have any advice to give then I'd be grateful to know how to graciously refuse calling her back for a couple days. I'd like some space to clear my head and calm down. The message I sent where I said I was busy was a white lie to buy a bit more time before deciding how I wanted to proceed (although I was on a train at the time and I will be teaching from home in an hour). The bit where future-MIL mentions her husband's prostate cancer scare is to do with national screening for over-50s. His results came back clear but I did not know about this until I spoke with my partner after getting upset over future-MIL's messages.
Me: Hi [MIL], looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. Just to let you both know that I had some good news earlier this week. My CIN 3 treatment from earlier this year was successful. The test results from my follow up appointment came back all clear so I no longer have pre-cancerous cells and they have also not developed into cancerous cells. Looking forward to celebrating tomorrow with some Christmas cheer :-) See you both then!
MIL: Glad you don't have cancer. We knew nothing about this and your message has caused a major fall out with [son] as we thought it was a tit for tat comment over [husband's] recent prostate cancer scare. Sorry but tomorrow's tree lighting ceremony is cancelled. I think you will understand why.
Me: I'm afraid I don't understand but that is ok. This result ties into the scare that [son] told you guys about in May. The follow up test is something I kept private from everyone until I knew the result. I really struggle to understand how anyone would use a cancer test result as tit for tat and that is not what I did. In my head I imagined sharing my result with you both the way I wanted to in a message that I hoped could be celebrated together tomorrow. I am celebrating with my own family on Sunday and imagined it as a good way to tie you both into those celebrations too. I am sad that we won't spend time together tomorrow as that was something I was looking forward to. I was in floods of tears over this message. It was not the reply that I imagined I would receive. I did not know about [husband's] own scare and send my very best wishes to you both for that. Take care for now.
MIL: [DIL] I have tried to call you.
Me: I'm sorry to have missed your calls, my phone was on silent. Can you put what you have to say in messages please? I am on a busy train and heading home to teach just now. Thanks.
MIL: Not really. I would really like to speak to you when you get a chance. I don't want you to be upset. You are both telling me different things. Communicating important stuff on text is no good.
*End of messages*
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self.offmychest
|
Tips and advice for motivating yourself while struggling with depression? I get it. This is like asking for advice on how to grasp clouds with your bare hands. Still, I've searched and skimmed but haven't really found anything, so I'm asking all the same.
For more details, I'm an aspiring writer. It's all I want to do with my life, and yet I constantly find myself just doing... nothing. Or getting lost on the internet. Or playing video games, etc, etc.
So let's have it people. Anything that's worked for you or people you know on generating/maintaining motivation, focus, and productivity while dealing with depression, anxiety, attention deficit, or other issues.
Thanks!
|
self.depression
|
Im just feeling horrible right now... Im not even 18 yet and im just feeling like i wont ever be happy again...i cant even really remember what it feels like to be happy, to laugh, i dont know what it feels like to be desired or to be asked for, and thats so fucking depressing, especially when i see people who are desired by someone and asked for by other people.
I think i even "like" someone, but he wouldnt like me, and that is making me feel even worse...
I have no qualification, i didnt graduate, i have no friends, i have no social environment, in my opinion im ugly, i did actually lose weight and did sports and stuff, but it doesnt makes me that much happier and it doesnt gives me self-esteem, which i lack as well.
I hope that one day i will feel better, that the darkness around me disappears, i want to be happy again, i want to find love, like other teenies or adults, to be a working part of the system, to find a job that i enjoy, to stop being the lonely worthless piece of shit i am today.
I just dont know what to do, and with every day that passes by i feel worse and worse and i lose a bit more of the hope for a better life that keeps me alive right now.
If anyone reads this, thank you, and i wish everyone of you a great life and happiness and i hope that you find your salvation.
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self.depression
|
Do I have a higher IQ now that my depression has lifted? I fell into depression when I was 10-13 and then it kinda went on until recently when I became 21, so I was depressed throughout the most formative years of one's life and when I was still growing to the full potential of my intellectual capabilities. I did relatively well in school but depression always pulled me down like an anchor and I was just trying not to drown even though I wanted to reach the sky desperately. Now that I'm an adult and my physical and mental development is mostly complete I should be able to reach my full mental potential without the handicap of depression. It feels absolutely enlightening, now that I'm healthy. My concentration disorders are gone and I'm a lot more receptive to complex information. Things that appeared to be intricate and confusing to me a few years ago now just come to me in an instant. I feel like I can take on everything I want and absorb knowledge like a sponge. My question is, is this change real or is it just me deluding myself? Is it the lift of depression or just the natural process of my brain developing (I think the prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed until about 25)? Is it maybe both?
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self.depression
|
Why is everything in my life seemingly so bad? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Working is very hard for me. What are my options? In my most recent depression cycle I have come to the conclusion with my therapist that holding an everyday normal 9-5 or even a consistent job of any sort is not possible for me. It’s been a few years of coming to this conclusion but I think if i change my thoughts to how can I make a living doing what I can instead of trying to fit societies mold this will be my first step to getting to a stable place.
It’s scary because I feel worthless because I can’t just do what everybody else seems to do. What are my options to live? Pay rent, pay bills and buying food are things I’m having trouble doing because my working has been so inconsistent and I haven’t had consistent money in over a year. Would looking into filing for disability help me? I’m not sure what steps to take but I’m eager to take them in order to get better. I live in the United States anybody know any steps I can take? I have a psychiatrist, am on medication, but still am mentally ill and unable to work because of it.
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self.depression
|
Concussion, migraines, suicidal, this sucks Got a concussion a week ago. An awful ER visit, urgent care visit, and still no good treatment. My migraines are constant now and drugs aren't helping. Started getting suicidal thoughts.
I'm trying to get help but I don't know where to go or what to try. Since the migraines aren't severe doctors don't care. I'm not suicidal enough to go inpatient. Migraines aren't responding to meds and I have to go back to being a teacher on Monday after two weeks off from Harvey.
A part of me wishes I killed myself a while ago so I wouldn't have to deal with this crap. I wish I had a plan so I could do it and not have to worry about possibly years of chronic migraines like after my last concussion. I was doing well before the damn head injury and now I'm a mess.
I don't know how to make it better...
|
self.bipolar
|
Anybody else get sad at night? I don't know why but I can keep all my obsessions and thoughts in check in the morning. It's almost like I can forget all my problems - Yet once it gets dark out it all surfaces and I can't help myself.
My HOCD flairs up and I can't help being sad. It's hard to get my mind off of it and not check. Fuck this. I wouldn't say I'm depressed but I'm not happy either.
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self.depression
|
Where is the time portal? Sometimes I wish I could undo my mistakes, but people don’t forget [deleted]
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self.depression
|
feeling disconnected I moved to a new city a few months ago for a PhD, and I'm feeling my mental illness - which was under control - rear its ugly head again. My project is way behind because I've found it so hard to focus with such an increase in anxiety. My deadline is in just over a week, and I should have done more by now, but the anxiety paralysis is self-perpetuating and I'm either having panic attacks or completely numb/disconnected and can't get out of bed. I still haven't even fully unpacked, haven't settled down, don't really like anyone here, feel too dependent on my partner who lives with me. There are issues at home, my youngest sister has an eating disorder but I can't face it lest my own start up again, so I've been ignoring my family for months. Even just knowing about the ED is making me want to starve myself. I know my family wants to pull me back into it. I can't look at photographs of faces without shielding my eyes, I can feel them pulling on and stealing my energy. My only true support system is some online friends, but I feel burdensome and irritating to them, too, so I feel I've exhausted my options. I don't even know what I can say any more. It's like I'm waiting for life to start, and it's a perpetual struggle. It would be easier if I could derive some joy from life but I can't convince myself that this really is reality, I know it's going to collapse soon and I know there are things waiting behind the curtain that I have to catch before they catch me. I keep thinking I'm being followed but I can't tell anyone this because I know they will think it's paranoia. I hate being treated like an idiot and I hate feeling stupid.
|
self.offmychest
|
After looking at a few videos of myself, I now realize how ugly I am. I can't believe it. I thought it wasn't true though I've been very insecure about my looks since I was young. I'm a 25 year old woman and never had a boyfriend. My forehead looked really strong. My nose looked really plumped and wide. And I notice how my face looks uneven. My face never been uneven until I got in my 20s. I notice my skin feels really lose (not wrinkled). I did gain weight and I'm thinking that might be the cause but I feel like weight loss wouldn't make my face look any better. I still want to lose weight though. But I can't believe how bad I look I feel nasty and disgusting.
|
self.depression
|
Wednesday, early afternoon... Deliberately sitting in the kitchen to get the benefit of some sunshine...spent the morning reading part of a book (Joyce Myers’ Overload)...napping and praying/meditating...checking out r/StarWars now that I finally got to see TLJ yesterday (a good day)
Just half an hour ago I made myself get off the couch and eat something. Dug out the “example meal plan for hypoglycemia” I was given 2 years ago. Still don’t know if the blood sugar is fueling the anxiety/depression or vice-versa. This is the first time in years I have woken up jittery and hungry (contemplating an early glucose tablet upon waking just for now)...
The good thing—I think (and I was too frazzled to pay attention) that I have gone at least one week without regular coffee or tea (just decaf and herbal)...just like 2015, I’m waiting to feel better. This is not nearly as bad as back then, but...just hate being depressed AND antsy AND hungry AND miserable!!!!
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm not sure if i can explain how I think and feel, I would just want someone to sit beside me.
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self.depression
|
I guess it's hospital time... Do you guys ever feel weird packing before going? I feel like it makes me a lier.. like if I was really in crisis I wouldn't have time to pack. I worry the staff judges me on it.. random thoughts as I panic at the thought of hospital. My Mom is pretty set on me going and my pdocs assistant threatened to call the police if I was suicidal(so I said I wasn't... and she bought it)
I don't want to go. I don't want to go. I don't want to. >< I'm just lying for attention... but I was looking up how to hang myself and how to buy a gun.. but I'd probably never do it. But I also have pills I know to take. I'm so anxious. Putting it off til tomorrow. My laundry isn't done. Isn't that crazy.. doesn't that mean I shouldn't go??? Freaking out.
Found out horrible news that pushed me over from an already bad position to worse. I called my pdoc for an emergency appointment to avoid this. They scheduled it and then called back and canceled because "it wasn't enough time to see me, a half hour. She needs an hour".. I just wanted some med change so I wouldn't have to go in. Now it's try not to die until my appointment next Wednesday, or go in... and my Mom is insisting. :< Fuck
|
self.bipolar
|
I really want to kill myself. It seems like such a good option. I could just pass away in peace. my older brother just turned 7. I know my parents love him more than me. Im being bullied in school. My dad keeps a gun on his nightstand and it would be so easy to just pull the trigger. I can't think of any reason to live anymore. Im gonna do it this weekend when my parents take their favorite child to an amusement park without me. thanks for listening. goodbye :|
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm lonely but incapable of making real connections with people [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Last few years I had no motivation in gaming, can u guys help me get it back? What are a positive thing with gaming? I played World of Warcraft / League of Legends (online games) for 10+ years and since I quit
school (6 months ago).
I just been siting home every day alone, and worst part is I got no online friends and I'm to anxious to try make friends that I can actually use voice with.
I just feel like the things I do in the games have no purpose. It won't do anything and that really bothering me and make me unmotivated, and no motivation leads to fatigue.
|
self.depression
|
This isn't working. How the hell am I supposed to get better. Here's how getting help always goes, 4 times now probably. I feel worthless, I'm doing nothing, I feel super depressed. So I eventually work up the courage and energy to go to the doctors and get some help. They barely care, give me a script of something that takes 3-6 weeks to take effect and say come back in a month. I maybe come back in a month. Almost no change or not noticeable. They give me some other drug that takes 3-6 weeks and say come back in a month. I feel even worse stop keeping track of the pills, and eventually get too depressed/anxious/discouraged to keep going back. I have gone to a general practitioner, psychologist, psychiatrist, and my university's therapist. How is this system supposed to help me?
Right now I'm feeling the worst I've ever felt and I feel like there is nothing I can do to get better. It's been a downward spiral for like 3 years I just want to care about anything.
|
self.depression
|
Feels like I've been born in the wrong age. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
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