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Things that some (maybe a lot) of people would find creepy or a little weird that help relieve your anxiety after a panic/anxiety attack? For me, when my heart is pounding and I'm feeling very nauseous I like to sit in a completely dark room. I can't even look at my phone because of the light, due to it adding to the stimulus of my mind at that moment in time.
I'll also sometimes sit with a fan blowing cold air onto me even during cold times of the year. This one is definitely pretty weird Lol, but I find a combination of the cold air and the noise of the fan (it's one of those powerful ones) distracts my mind from the thoughts of my heart racing and the nausea (I also suffer with emetophobia which really plays into my anxiety).
Anyway my methods are perhaps a little weird but they help feel better in the moment so I just go with it.
Anyone else have any perhaps unusual methods in the midst of a panic/anxiety attack?
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self.Anxiety
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[U.S.] Why aren’t there longterm INPATIENT programs for mentally ill people like rehab and E.D. clinics? Not acute, PHP or IOP—but longterm inpatient. They’re so hard to find.
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self.bipolar
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For what it's worth... Tonight I went drinking, then smoke weed till high again... I began to feel disgusting for so long... And I saw this quote somewhere... It sums up all I was feeling... And I hope it will be something for you too... Everything's gonna be alright...
"For what it's worth... it's never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you've never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you're not, I hope you have the courage to start over again."
F. Scott Fitzgerald
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self.depression
|
Anxiety making me physically ill So my life has come crashing down because I feel as though I chose the wrong major and have no idea what I want to do with my life. I went to the er on Saturday for a suicide attempt (took too much adderall) and I haven’t been the same since. My anxiety is even worse and I feel so depressed and hopeless, which has caused me to have a lot of stomach problems. I can’t eat at all, and even the thought of food makes me sick. My parents have been trying so hard to get me to eat because of how dizzy I am. I missed the first two days of school because I fainted at the top of my stairs and fell backwards headfirst down them. I went to the er and my head was okay but my blood sugar was 45 (I am not diabetic). The hospital gave me medication for nausea but I’m still just not hungry. I’m constantly thinking about the future and it’s making me sick. My parents suggested taking the semester off to think about what I want to do but I feel like that will make my anxiety worse and I’ll be even more depressed and lonely. Has anyone been through this? I just want to be myself again this is killing me.
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self.Anxiety
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I was so ready to open myself up, but maybe that’s just not in the plan for me [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Just walked off in the middle of the night after getting into an arugment with my father. I'm sitting here in the back of a small restaurant on the concrete floor.
I'm sorry I don't have a job yet.
I'm sorry I don't feel confident in myself to go out there and expose myself.
I'm sorry I'm such a disappointing son and a waste of income for you and Mom.
I just want to disappear from everyone's memories and go away where no one will ever see me.
I've never done anything like this or blow up so suddenly where I'm surprised at myself.
Home doesn't even feel like home anymore; it's just a place where I eat, sleep, and work on school.
I hate living right now.
I only get through the day because I have my video games or friends to keep me occupied. But I know I can't go with this any longer and hide the truth from myself any longer.
I just want to feel normal again.
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self.offmychest
|
For the first time, I knew why people become alcoholics It was just before new year's eve that my girlfriend broke up with, I felt so down, i wasn't expecting it...
On the new year's eve, some friends who didn't knew of my situation literally dragged me to a party, it was so fun, but i got so drunk, and at some point, i remembered my ex, and the breakup, and i just started laughing and thinking "oh god, i am so silly, i thought everything is over because of a break up!!" And for that moment i felt so over it...
It only hit me the next day, when i had a moment with myself alone, the world started crumbling again, and i started thinking that i should drink again, in order to forget about her... And then i had like a moment of truth, this is why people get addicted to drugs and alcohol for the first time in my life, i understood those people, it's such an easy way to not deal with the hardest feelings, fortunately, i didn't drink, I'm glad that i am facing it, it sucks, and it hurts, but better process it the right way than just numb myself to death.
I feel a lot better now, i started to move on.
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self.offmychest
|
Weird vision Does anyone else here experience weird vision, i cant really tell whats off but my head and eyesight just seem cloudy. I cant explain it. I had this since my panic attacks started two weeks ago and still have it as of today. What could it be? I dont feel that anxious anymore i think
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self.Anxiety
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accepting limitations I've recently had another reminder of the limitations this illness can cause. Last week I was hospitalized again, had to put uni on hold again, had to put work on hold again and move back in with my mum who now has control over all my meds. I'm lucky to have the support that I do but the constant set backs are really getting to me at the moment. I know there must be lots of people who can relate and I guess I'm hoping for some success, 'I got through this' stories. I really want to believe that I can beat this and get on top of life in general.
Thank you for reading.
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self.bipolar
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I'm falling in love with you and I have to leave. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I shouldn't ever say anything because all it does is get me hurt. Story of my life.
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self.depression
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I'm getting really close to the edge. Not sure what else i can do. Hey /r/depression, This is my first time posting anything of this nature at all on reddit. But I'm in desperate need of something, anything. I've very recently broken up with my girlfriend of 3 years. She cheated on me around a year ago and I haven't been able to cope with it. I finally had to cut the cord as it was destroying me everyday, i became paranoid and would often freak out as I wasn't sure what she was doing etc. Anyway, long story short, we broke up and i recently blocked her and pushed her out of my life. I've struggled with depression for a while, but now, it seems louder? its hard to explain. Its like a constant nagging at me. I've been struggling to not hurt myself, but everyday i seem to get a bit closer to doing something. I even tried to order some drugs online to numb the pain, but i couldn't even do that right and ordered the wrong thing. I've been taking anti-depressants and even upped my dose not too long ago. I just dont know what to do, i feel like i have nothing. No job, no life, no girlfriend, no point. If anyone can help me, i'd be very thankful.
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self.depression
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I feel anxiety having other people sleep in my room, but I don’t know if it’s valid or not. Thoughts? To give super minimal info, I didn’t have the best childhood, and I think that because of that, my room has always been like my security blanket.
I have always been particular about who I want in my room and how long they can stay - when I was in high school, I’d be furious if my little cousins were in my room for any period of time because they’d destroy it.
As I’ve gotten older, I still don’t like people in my room but it doesn’t bother me as much as it did.
I live with my grandma, and I’ll be 23 this year, and I still feel this sense of super high anxiety when my cousins sleep over bc they have to sleep with me in my room.
Is that really weird? I just don’t like ANYONE sleeping in my room, even friends, which is why I never have friends stay at my place.
I guess I just feel kind of pathetic for feeling this way, but I really can’t help it.
Thoughts?
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self.Anxiety
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Are benzos worth it? They sound like they would be perfect for me but i also have a very addictive personality, and from what i’ve heard it sounds like i would probably end up with a problem.
Is it worth it?
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self.Anxiety
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She left yesterday. A close friend of mine went to live in another state. I cried myself to sleep last night, then I woke up and cried some more. I love her so goddam much and I'm happy for her, I support her, I want her to persue her dreams and I wish nothing but happiness for her. But it hurts so much. I just wanna hug her one more time and tell her how much I love her.
I hate saying goodbye.
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self.depression
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Cant eat/sleep/function w/o weed Not really sure if this is the right place to post this... But i feel like there might be more people here that understand the struggle!
Starting around age 14 (25 now), my family (and myself) started to recognize that I was having trouble identifying emotions, socializing, eating, sleeping, pretty much everything else associated with Bipolar/Depression haha. Just having a hard time in general. At the time we thought it was just circumstantial "eh, it sucks but you'll get over it" But it only worsened. When I began to smoke weed my symptoms lessened, to the point where i was able to participate in social outings/extracurricular events , regained my appetite, and was able to get a full night's sleep! Unfortunately I began to use weed as a way of escaping my reality. At some point it became less of medication and more of an actual addiction.
At this point in my life I am having a very hard time. Not gunna get into the small shit but suffice to say I'm having to make some drastic life changes (unwillingly). The biggest change of all -- I hated my job (custodian), so I thought maybe getting a different job will make things easier! I was looking for something with more potential in the long run -- and of course most of these jobs will require a drug test... I am morally conflicted about faking a test though. So I've been on the longest t-break, in all of these years, the past few months. This far its exactly the opposite of what i was told to expect.
I know, that as a long-term smoker, I've heavily conditioned my body/mind. I was told that after a few months of abstaining I would slowly but surely regain my desire for social interaction, hunger, sleep, ect. but its just not happening. I consistently go to therapy and group (DBT). I take my meds on time, I exercise, I make myself leave the house and be with friends. I"m fucking miserable.
I've tried so hard to "get my shit together". But from what i can tell, my shit was MUCH more together a few months ago. While smoking I've dealt with catastrophe -- much worse than what I'm currently dealing with -- without letting myself get manic. I remain levelheaded, I am able to use all of the skills I've developed; and most of all, I'm actually able to pinpoint what emotions I'm experiencing. Right now though? I'm a wreck! I feel like I've been manic for months. My suicidal ideation's are back in full force. Appetite gone, sleep erratic at best. I'm scared to leave the house. The world is too much for me.
Talked to my therapist about it and she was concerned about my experience. She was so happy and proud I was taking the initiative to stop smoking! she always told me it probably made my symptoms worse. And i can totally understand why smoking weed could make things worse. But I'm at a loss. I don't live where its legal so i cant be prescribed. I end up spending lots of my hard earned money on weed instead of things that could possibly better my situation. I want a more fulfilling and better paying job. But at this point i don't know if having a job that gives me more self-respect and money, is worth crippling my mental health.
Right now I want more than anything to smoke, eat some holiday food, and pass out. But I feel overwhelmingly guilty about it. I just want to be happy and function.
Merry Christmas :)
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self.bipolar
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Trying to take it slow with a new relationship after an intense first week I went out with a girl for drinks on Halloween. We hit it off really well, talked for three hours at the bar and made out by her car.
The next night she invited me to her place to hang out. I ended up staying the night, fooling around with her until 4am. I left her place at 1pm. We didn't have sex because we realized that we might actually like each other and didn't want to rush things.
That night, after a work function, she invited me over again. I didn't stay the night this time. We just talked on her cough for a few hours and made a date for the next day. The next afternoon we met at my place, went to a museum, to dinner, and then back to her place where we ended up sleeping together and talking for a few hours.
She texted me yesterday to say that she wants things to go slower, which I get. I didn't intend for things to go as they did, though it's happened before with a few other people.
She said that she expected to date a bunch of dicks for a while before meeting someone worth pursuing a relationship with. She's five weeks out from one that lasted a year.
I don't have a bunch of feelings for her, but I know that if we continue to see each other I will want to be in a relationship.
How do I proceed, besides not texting her more than once a day or so, and having dates that don't end up at one of our apartments?
TLDR - How do you go slow when starting a new thing.
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self.bipolar
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Just somebody please... just tell me to do anything to start somewhere... God I'm sick of staring at my computer screen and refreshing back and forth between the same 3 social media to find absolutely nothing. I don't even have the energy to binge watch anything. This holiday break feels like it's going by so painfully slow yet so fast... like I haven't done *anything* productive. I just want to start somewhere... but why do I want someone to tell me to start somewhere. I want to take a shower like a normal person, maybe get some work done... exercise... SOMETHING.
I'm an artist and I haven't drawn in months... I'm sick of not wanting to do anything or not wanting anything to do with....... anything?
I just want to feel something.
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self.depression
|
I saw my dad cry for the first time. I really don't know how to start. I've been lurking around r/depression for quite a while now, but I've never posted anything. Until now.
I feel extremely hopeless, and I don't know what to do with my life. I have autism and ADHD, which literally makes my brain function differently than "normal" people. I'm 15-years old, and I'm in my last year of primary school. After that I head onto High School.
I have, ever since 4'th grade, (I'm now in 9'th grade) been missing school, but for very different reasons. Back in the day, there was something wrong with my stomach, and I went to the hospital a lot, trying to find out what the hell was wrong with me. It took them 2 years to find out that my liver was being damaged from having eating gluten. Under these 2 years, I'd been slowly losing touch with my friends, and I was extremely alone. I saw how much my parents struggled with taking care of me, from dealing with my school and my teachers to what was wrong with me, physically. I felt like such a pain to my parents, that I wanted to take my own life. I thought it'd solve everything if I simply just disappeared. My liver has now fully healed, but the problems have gone from being physical to being mental.
7th - 9th grade have been fucking horrible. I very quickly became an outsider because of my lack of social skills and the difference in interests and hobbies. I developed Social Anxiety, and a fear to go to school. I was never bullied, but the thought of having to go out and look at people, and have people looking at me made me break down. I pushed anything related to school away, because I was too scared to deal with it. I always wished I could be like all other normal children, and not have to carry such anxiety around all the time.
My parents have been so strong, but today, I saw my father cry for the first time. He was trying to get me to study, and we started arguing, and eventually I splurged out how I hate myself because of my diagnoses. He started sobbing, saying how he's trying so hard to help me.. and my heart completely split in two. I regretted everything I'd said. I can't stop thinking about his voice and his face, and just how sad he looked.
My whole family is now asleep, and I can finally let out the tears that I've been holding in for the whole fucking day. I wanted to hug him, or wipe away his tears so badly, but I was too scared to. I love my whole family so much, and I want to fight harder for them..
I know this post was most likely a complete mess and all over the place, but I really needed to share this. Thank you for reading.
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self.depression
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can't live a happy life I have been on antipsyhotics for 3 years. I don't want to live with them for the rest of my life. I hate taking them!
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self.SuicideWatch
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Will medication make me less productive or more productive? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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When I'm in public... I sometimes just want to cry, I'm so lonely I bothers me so much when people say they "have no life" or "no friends" etc.
Do some of them actually know what loneliness is? Complete isolation. I wasn't always like this. I use to be one of the most outgoing and funny/popular kids. My life really started falling apart after countless people in my life taking advantage of me and leaving me in pieces. That, as well as just being aware of how absolutely shit people generally are.
I've been in and out of therapy. I don't like the idea of medication; the side effects and the thought of relying on it so much to function. I don't do well in CBT; I can't express what I feel or sometimes don't have the courage to say things, either because it shows weakness or in fear of being judged.
I haven't hung out or had a relationship with a single person since May 2016. The only people I talk to is a small group of 4 friends that we met online. It's very impersonal to the point where only 1 of them knows my name (probably forgot it by now) and I very rarely ever show my face in snapchats. I have a dog, but that's about it. Every now and then I talk to a family member, but we've become so distant I don't see myself ever revealing actual feelings/thoughts. I feel like I hold back a lot of things to try and maintain a strong image. I hate the idea of looking like a loser. They know I have issues. They know I don't go out or socialize. The other month my sister-in-law asked if I made any friends lately at college. It just makes me feel like absolute shit, because her and I both know the answer is no. Well, maybe she has hope...but I don't really.
I've pretty much come to terms with the social aspect of my life. I like being alone. For the most part. I have my dog, who I love. I wouldn't know what to do without him. The most difficult part is being out in public. I mostly just go to the gym and to class. But holy shit...some days it's hard. Knowing how alone I am. Truly alone and seeing everyone else with someone, or being happy, or whatever the case may be. And there I am, sitting alone. Angry face. Isolated. I sometimes just want to cry. The gym is the hardest, I'd say. Mostly because the place is FILLED with mirrors. And it's just a constant fucking reminder, by the look on my face, of just sadness and loneliness. It's so blatantly obvious. It would be nice to be able to hide it, but I just naturally can't. I know others see my sadness. It has a very distinctive look. You might say, why not just go up and talk to someone. It's not that simple. It's almost become my identity. I feel so inferior to people.
I need to get the fuck over my image. I hold back so much...I need to write everything I feel down on paper. And get back to therapy.
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self.offmychest
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Opened up to a "friend" about my depression. It could've gone better. Hello, Reddit.
I've never posted here before. I'm a bit nervous about sharing this story (I'm very shy, even anonymously), so I want to thank you in advance for taking the time to read it. I'm hoping that just getting it off my chest will help, even if only a little. Also, I'm sorry if this post rambles on a bit or is incoherent at all, I'm not in the best state of mind at the moment.
Earlier today, during our school's lunch break, I opened up to somebody I trusted about my depression and anxiety. I've been on a steep downward spiral recently, and this person had taken notice that something was wrong. She sat me down, grabbed us a couple of sodas, and told me to spill my guts. Normally, I would have simply told her that everything was fine, and made some lame excuse like "I didn't sleep well last night" or "I'm just worried about my exam scores". But this was the first time that anybody had ever reached out to try and help, so I decided to be truthful. I thanked her for offering to listen, and explained that I had never shared this with anybody else, so I might struggle to fully express myself. She was understanding, and told me to take as much time as I needed.
I was very careful not to unload everything on her, I basically told her exactly what I said at the start of this post: that I struggle with depression and anxiety, and that it's been getting a lot worse recently. Initially, it seemed like it was going well. She had several follow-up questions, some of which I wasn't entirely comfortable answering. However, for the first time in years I felt a genuine sense of hope, and felt like someone actually cared about me, so I answered them anyway. Eventually, she asked me what was causing all of this. I explained that while there are certainly things that contribute to my depression on a day-to-day basis, at the root of it, there isn't really a reason. It's just who I am, almost as if it's hardwired into my brain. It's hard to explain. Do any of you understand what I'm talking about?
Anyway, this is where things took a turn. While I was trying to explain that, she stopped me and said: "I'm sorry, I can't do this. I offered to help cause I thought you were just having girl problems, or school problems, or something. I didn't realize you were totally emo. We're not in high school anymore. Besides, you're a guy, just toughen up". That last part stung. I knew that was a common sentiment in our society, but to hear it coming from her, someone I've been friends with since high school, really took me by surprise. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. I just kind of looked down at my lap. We sat quietly for a moment, until she got up and started gathering her things. As she started to walk away I said: "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I wasn't trying to do that." She looked back at me and said: "Look, a big reason I'm friends with you is because of your positive attitude. It's infectious, and I love that about you. But if that's really just a mask, then you should probably just keep the mask on if we're going to continue being friends.", and then she left.
She texted me a few hours later and said: "I hope you're able to move past your issues so our friendship can move forward". I haven't responded, and don't plan to. I cry myself to sleep at night enough as it is without also worrying about maintaining a fake personality for her. I probably won't be opening up to anyone like that again anytime soon (except, of course, to all of you wonderful people on the internet). Deep down, I know that most of the people in my life wouldn't react the way she did. But I just don't think I can build up the motivation to try it, not when I struggle just to get up in the morning.
I want to thank you all again. Not just for reading my story, but for being a part of this community. Depression and anxiety really suck, and nobody should have to suffer through them alone.
...I'm gonna go hug my pillow now.
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self.depression
|
Just wanted to tell someone I really don’t have the energy to write very much. I just wanted to tell someone, anyone, that I think I’m going to kill myself. I’ve been here too long.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Sh*t myself for 1st time since ages. Feel disgusting,scared. Help This afternoon I got back home from having done my grocerues, yesterday I pulled an all-nighter so I was totally fucked up. I fell asleep at around 9.Forgot to lock my door and woke up bc heard one of my housemates back from a night out in the kitchen. Now I am afraid they entered my room when I was asleep and took pictures or something or looked at my stuff, cloned my credit cards and poisoned my water. I am afraid to use my stuff now and also found out I kind of shat myself in my sleep which makes me feel disgusting and revolting. Please PLEASE what should I do? Has anything like this happened before? What could have my housemates done to me or my stuff?
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self.Anxiety
|
My wife has deep chronic depression. (A question about memory) She has tried a number of antidepressants over the years, trying one or two then spending years without them, with a few months of ups here and there and downs the rest of the time.
There were two that worked very well for her, Wellbutrin and Cytalopram. Both had such bad side effects - hives for one, severe IBS for the other - that she never was able to do more than 4-6 months.
What's odd to me is that now - in the middle of a really bad phase of severe depression - she swears she never felt better while taking antidepressants. At the time, now only could i see how much better she was doing (focusing, laughing, enjoying people, places, drinks and food) but she herself was saying it was much better.
How come she's convinced it wasn't the case? Is her current depression literally distorting her memory? Is she unable to recall feeling better because the part of her brain that is used to *remember* how she felt is the same part that *feels*?
Insights welcome...
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self.depression
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Is it so bad that I want to kill myself? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Ketamine Therapy So the other day I'm on the net and I see an ad for a ketamine clinic that promotes it for bipolar, but provided no information. I requested the science to support their claim, and sent it to a scientist to back up what I had read. Thid scientist was also part of the DC ketamine trials and helped analyze the information. We were of the same mind. Good in theory, but no real science to support their claims. With MDD and PTST sure, but bipolar is a different kind of beast. Anyways I get a call from the doc that runs the cliinic. We talk for about 15 minutes and I get all my questions answered. They claim an 80% success rate. That seem super high for me. Also insurance doesn't cover it so it would all be out of pocket. I am a prime candidate, but I'm not going to pay money to be a lab rat, especially if there's a 20% failure rate. I would mean regular maintenence doses and stopping meds, which scare me.
Anyone done it? Any thoughts? I'm not looking for a cure, but an effective treatment that's more effective than the meds I get to take the rest of my life.
Like I said I'm just looking for thoughts and experiences.
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self.bipolar
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I'm worried about being lonely. I'm a senior in college, and I don't have a girlfriend, and I don't hang out with people nearly as often as I would like. I don't know how to meet people and college is (I've heard) an easy time to do that.
I'm worried by minimal dating experience will be a weight on my future relationships (if they happen).
I'm worried I don't have enough stories to keep people interested in me.
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self.offmychest
|
Ruined my reputation in my family. I can't see how this ever ends well. Short story: I viciously attacked my adult niece via Facebook PM a few nights ago over the way she treats her kid and her family. I am nw shunned and hated by my wife's family.
Long story: My uncle died around 10 days ago, not too unexpectedly, but my mom and dad found his corpse. My mom is obviously upset. My uncle's life was deeply troubled from abuse, drugs and various other things. I have been emotional about this as well. And I drink. A lot.
Saturday night my wife goes to her sister's house (grandmother to the kid in question, mother to the niece) for the little kid's birthday party. I stay home as I have been helping my mom and dad a lot. So I drank. And I stewed about my niece. She has abandoned one side of her family as she thinks they have chosen her ex-husband over her. She's using the child as an emotional tool. She's caused all kinds of issues, and has made my MIL cry a few times as she has just cut contact: drops the kid off, won't leave the car, etc.
So I had the genius idea to call her out about it on Facebook. I got really, really mean. Now my wife's side of the family is immensely angry and betrayed by me. My wife is barely talking to me, and has told me several times how bad the situation is. She's been getting an earful from everyone. I have made sincere apologies to the family members I have contacts to (it's a big family, not everyone is on social media).
I cannot see a way out of this. I know I ruined the lives of others and I have ruined mine. I have been researching where to get a gun, and have been planning suicide. This will take some doing for logistical reasons, but I have had a rocky relationship with my wife recently, my parents are grieving and I have other problems. I've been unemployed for almost a year and I drink too much.
I guess I'm asking for help. I just can't live like this.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't know what to do anymore I don't have any friends. My family treats me like shit, especially my mom who calls me names, hits me, and threatens to kill me. School stresses me out so much because I've always been so good at school but I've been getting bad grades because I'm so sleep deprived and I can't concentrate. I feel horrible about everything because I have so much but for some reason I can't appreciate it. I've been self harming since I was 9 and contemplating suicide since I was 7; I'm 16 now. I've attempted suicide twice but I was saved by strangers walking by and I hate how I'm still alive. Since I'm a teenager from a financially well off family I feel like I'm just being whiny or just being another angsty emo kid that's just going through some sort of phase. I'm not even technically diagnosed with depression or any mental illness. It would be better if I just died right now. Hardly anyone would notice. Most people wouldn't care and maybe even be happy that I'm gone. I don't know why I haven't already tried to kill myself again. Maybe I've been hoping that things will get better? I know it's stupid because nothing has gotten better so it probably never will.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
A tree dies in the fall. The memories of yesterday fall from my mind like leaves in Autumn;
Only to be swept away by the chaotic wind.
My emotions like roots; buried, not visible even to me.
My face is like bark; hard and unchanging.
Someday i hope to swing from that tree.
---
Edit: Just wrote this down without any real editing. Not sure how i like it.
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self.depression
|
Best way to go I just can't stop thinking about dying, and it's kinda got to the point where I started to think everything through, not just methods but the pain felt through them or the way that I'd just end up as a number and well
What's the best way to go, painless, easy, quick, or long, hard and painful, or somewhere in between? Is it better to go out a way commonly done or to try to go out in a crazy ball of glory?
Just, would it be better to be completely forgotten afterwards or go out in an insane way that gets talked about by desensitized people online for years? Maybe it's my way of keeping myself from doing it but I just wanted other people's opinion
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have an engineering degree, but I can't find a job regardless of the hiring boom in my city. Feeling worthless. I went through hell to get my degree, and I moved to a city where there's supposedly a hiring boom for engineers. I've tried everything from applying to dozens (if not hundreds) of positions on company websites, to talking to recruiters, to connecting and talking with professionals on LinkedIn, to attending industry networking events. In five months, I've had a handful of phone interviews and one in-person interview. Every single lead has fallen through--either the company decided they're not hiring for that position anymore, or they flat-out turned me down.
I'm now working in food service and do not have health insurance, so I'm not seeing a therapist for my depression or anxiety. I spiral into a depressive (and sometimes suicidal) episode every few days because I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm really struggling to make ends meet and I'm incredibly lonely. I don't want to spend the rest of my life neglecting my mental health and never realizing the dream I worked hard for. Sometimes I feel like I don't have much to live for. Please help me.
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self.depression
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Found this "personal health narrative" I wrote for a class a while back [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I'm in love with a man I rejected. When we first met, I thought he was the most attractive man I'd ever seen. I didn't think there was any way he could fall for someone like me, so I just ignored it and watched my friend fall for him. She leaves for a semester and he and I start talking, start falling in love, etc. I got scared and fucked it all up. I thought he was just using me until someone hotter came along, I thought he only had feelings for me because I liked him, not because he actually cared for me. I fell in love with him and I told him that we couldn't be together. It has been a year now, and he has dated so many women since I can't count. He broke up with his most recent GF a week ago, and I made up my mind to reach out, apologize for running or something. Today I saw him taking another woman out to dinner. I kept a smile on my face, never let anyone know that I was dying inside.
Please, God, I just want him back. I miss him so much. I want him to be happy and I make him happy. He told me that he was never so happy as when we were together. He is dating woman after woman and they break up after a few weeks or months. I don't know what to do, or even if I was ever special or if I was just one of the women. I wish I had stayed with him, I don't care if he would have dumped me in the future, I just can't stand knowing that the only man I have ever fallen in love with is the man I told I could never be with.
Thank you, reddit. I haven't said all that before.
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self.offmychest
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I really need help, but my mother isn't in a mental state to deal with it [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Need your help Reddit, I need your help right now. Ive been under so much stress this week and my anxiety is lasting almost all day, multiple anxiety episodes coming and going. I'm actually worried I'm going to have a heart attack or stroke any minute. I bought a box of Yogi Kava Stress Relief tea, but I'm not sure if its safe to drink. I guess I just need some words of encouragement.
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self.Anxiety
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I have the worst supervisor I've ever had at any job I've worked at to the point I actually hate her. I started up a new job a few months back. I'm actually overqualified for my job. I have years of experience on the job, but I make mistakes like everyone else. From the first time I had work with her she has targeted me out for no reason. She flips out on me and others when a minor mistake is made. She makes insults to me on a daily bases, yet every shift I have worked with her we get guests that actually come in to complain about her and staff often do the same. In my years of working in this field I rarely had any issues reported about myself and staff. Making her insults moot by a long shot.
I've never seen anything like this before. You can tell she is working by walking in and not one person on the staff is talking or greets you when come in. Usually we would talk when things slow down as we do other tasks in the area, but if she is on staff not one person will talk they just withdraw in the station they work or do a task like normal with no talking at all. At times it's like being in a blizzard but with no snow falling. She insults everyone on the job to the point that it reached a stage were no one talks. When she leaves all the staff just lights up. We do our thing and work just blazes by and your shift is over before you know it.
I was actually hired to replace her later on once my training is done over the issues we have with her, but it;s not going as fast as we would like. Today after an altercation I had with her. My GM ended up giving me a lift home and apologized over her bullshit. I guess she is not used to staff telling her she is being an ass. (I'm not from this area so if a person yells at me I will say something about it over just allowing a person to walk on me.) Usually I would brush it all off, but today I just needed to vent it off in some way.
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self.offmychest
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Latuda and vomiting Latuda is amazing but has an unfortunate side-effect of making me randomly vomit.
It's worse if I don't eat enough, but even if I do hit the 300 cal mark, I still may.
However, I can't afford to see a psychiatrist, and even then, all other meds have caused me to gain weight, which is extremely distressing as I'm already pretty obese, so I would prefer to stay on latuda.
I have a feeling that it's not just how much I eat, but what I eat that has an effect on if I vomit. Has anyone had any experience with this?
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self.bipolar
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I will always be alone. I will never find any friends. I don’t have “friends” and seems like every time I make one, they disappear after finding out how fucked up i am mentally.
This is my cry for help, please someone change this. I’m alone and not sure how much more my mind can take of this.
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self.depression
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I wish I had died in my first attempt last year to avoid the pain that I have been feeling. So alone and wish I could tell my only friend what I am going through. I failed my second attempt and now am trying to figure out why I can’t thing of the positive in life. 3 years ago, my ex girlfriend and I had a 6 month old stillborn. Last year at the end of June , she had an abortion. I didn’t want her to. She listened to her mom who said because of money she had to. I had and still have an amazing job that pays awesome so I told her it’d be tight for a few months but we could have easily made it. I didn’t want her to. A week after the abortion, she left me. Devastated, I couldn’t go on. I crashed my car purposely and blacked out. I woke up alive with a passerby getting me out, quickly calling an ambulance. Two months after the accident, I went back to work and my girlfriend and I began to date again. I was so happy, but it wasn’t to last forever. This October, when I got back from a trip with my 7 year old son ( from my ex wife) she can over, we had our time and she quickly got up and left. I asked what was wrong and she said nothing and walked out. 3 days later I noticed I had contracted an STD. I called her many times and she always said she was busy. In November she came over finally and I tried to tell her. We watched a movie and she left right after. I cried, angry and wanting answers, I went to her work a week later. I talked with her in her car and she told me she had been seeing someone else since September. I told her if she knew anything about the STD I caught. She slumped her head, and I lost it. I can’t take back the things I said. Neither can she. I spilled into a deep and dark depression, ODing in an attempt. I am currently getting help but I don’t know if it’s enough. Why can’t I think of my son in these dark times? Why won’t this depression and anxiety let me go?
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self.SuicideWatch
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[HELP] I’m lost about this one thing and I don’t know what to do. For the past few nights I’ve begun experiencing this weird sensation where my heart starts racing and I begin to feel antsy. The type of antsy where you cannot stop moving no matter what accompanied by a feeling of mild nervousness in my gut.
Full disclosure: I was diagnosed with G.A.D 2 years ago and have been taking Lexapro to cope at the request of my doctor.
However, this new feeling just started. Does anyone else experience this? It keeps me wide awake even when I’m exhausted. Do you have any coping mechanisms? I’ve tried deep breathing and medication but this one thing isn’t going away.
Sincerely,
Exhausted
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self.Anxiety
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relapsing sucks balls. Yesterday I had a full blown panic attack and I had to head home right away. I slept the entire day so I wouldn't kill myself. Now I'm about to head to another class that's even further away on the third floor and idk. I'm going to try but I'm just afraid I'll freak out, embarrass myself, clammer down the stairs and force my parents to pick me up early. I feel like I'm damned to being married off if I can't get through college.
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self.Anxiety
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very odd stomach/anxiety connection Hey all, every once in a while I experience this insanely weird sensation, usually after eating something that doesn't sit well. Most of the time I'll eat it, it'll make me feel a little uneasy before I go to bed, and then I'll wake up in the middle of the night experiencing it. Sometimes there will be panic thrown in there with it, sometimes not, but I'm going to tell you how it felt last night (no panic), because I can't find anything about this anywhere online and it always confuses me/leaves me feeling weird.
So last night I went out and had a burrito for dinner. I've eaten at this particular place many times before, and usually get the same thing each time. Later on I began to feel really weird, I couldn't tell if I was hungry again, or if I wasn't feeling well. It was a really weird sensation, but I began to gag as if I were going to throw up, so I decided I'd lie down and try to sleep it off.
A couple of hours later I woke up with the weird "anxiety". Basically my head feels very spacey, and I keep thinking the same thought over and over. It's very hard for me to change what ever that thought is at the time, and although this is a pretty abstract explanation, it feels as if it is moving in a circle in my head as it replays itself. The thought ending and replaying sort of makes it feel like my short term memory is nearly gone. Every time this has happened to me over the last six years (I want to say that it has happened about 4-5 times), my stomach has been involved in some way, and at times I've thrown up and gone into extreme panic attacks during it to the point where I couldn't feel my arms/hands.
So I guess I was hoping someone would know a little something about this. I'm currently forcing myself to eat because I know I'll feel worse if I don't, and get through the day so that tomorrow I'll hopefully feel 100%
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self.Anxiety
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My mom wants to kick me out of home because I'm depressed and I don't want to work [deleted]
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self.depression
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My grades aren't good enough to go anywhere, and even if they were, I'd be going somewhere alone Getting yet another ~50% on an exam just reminds me that I'll never be the doctor I want to be. I'm incapable of writing as well as I need to in order to create a career out of that. I envy the friends of mine that work dead end jobs but live in apartments together and love life.
Plus, tomorrow's V day, and it's my 19th in a row that I'll spend alone. The idea that anyone could find me remotely appealing is as alien as anything. Nothing would be stranger than feeling loved.
I'll wake up tomorrow after drinking myself to sleep and go to classes like a good little student, fueled by habit and responsibility, but I won't feel anything resembling joy. I don't even have the time to write anymore, which is the only thing I've wanted to do lately.
I don't know what to do. Being tipsy doesn't help.
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self.SuicideWatch
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A sort-of friend of mine has been contacting me often about his severe depression and I don't know how to help him. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Can't tell if I have crappy roommates or if I have high expectations It's currently 12 AM on a Sunday night (or Monday morning. Whatever) and my roommate(s?) have about 4 -5 guests over who are all drunk and LOUD as hell. The only reason I haven't asked them to be quiet is because there are no classes this week (finals). They've also been here since 4 PM. :(
One of my roommates (or two? I'm not sure if the other girl is friends with her because I *never* see her nor does she talk to me when we see eachother in the chalet.) almost always has these friends over every. single. week. on either Thursday night, Sunday night, or both. It's incredibly annoying because they're ALWAYS drinking and are ALWAYS obnoxiously loud. Like holy crap, I get drinking & having fun with friends is a normal university thing, but does it have to be every week??? Go somewhere else. Go to someone else's chalet or apartment. Christ.
There's also the fact that over this past semester (four months), they have not cleared out any of the alcohol bottles from the corner of the room / counters. They've just been piling up there since the beginning. Why is there so many ohmygod is this even normal? How often do people drink? Ffffff-
Let's also add the fact that they never clean. I mean, they do their own dishes, take out their own garbage, and I think I heard someone sweep maybe once or twice but other than that? Nadda. We have two washrooms: one small one with a sink & toilet, and the bigger one with the shower, toilet, & sink. I use the smaller one except for when I shower. Not ONCE over the past four months, and I mean ONCE, have they cleaned their sink or toilet in the larger washroom. Hell, they haven't even cleaned the shower (I have). The sink in there is f'n dirty as hell with dust, dirt, and that tooth paste crap all over the faucet and mirror. It's gross. WHY WON'T Y'ALL CLEAN IT??? I mean... I could, but I wanted to see if they would at least one time. But nope. Too high of a standard, I guess.
They also leave both of the front doors unlocked 24/7. I tried locking them multiple times, but no, they unlock both and keep it that way. I can get leaving the door to the stairwell unlocked, but why the one that goes directly into our living room???? You want some randos wandering in? Because I don't.
I can only hope to GOD that the campus housing will be able to reassign me to different roommates for the next semester. I don't want to be with these people any longer. Ugh.
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self.offmychest
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Dear younger self, You are not crazy.. you have feelings for a reason. Do not allow your mother to take your joy away or your father. When you are moved across country don’t wear those hoodies and curl your hair 🙄 you look fine like always. Younger self stop throwing up! And stop starving yourself. You may only do it once or a twice a month but it’ll become and urge and a habit and it’s gross. Your gag reflexes will start to wear away but you still wonder if the guys fingers in your month or dick in your mouth will make you throw up. No fun. Speaking of that. Save yourself for that guy. The one you meet online the one who makes you feel beautiful. You don’t make a mistake with your first time. It’s quite memorable and a loving thought. But be more patient but don’t stay for him. Go live your life like you plan. When you’re in high school stop with the depression your friends love you stop doubting yourself. Also it’s going to suck and your going to be miserable but do not give in when they find out about the rape. They will say your attention grabbing and they will say You just want attention really bad. We both know you don’t. Leave and don’t come back for the weekends if you do don’t let her manipulate you. You will do great things. Wonderful things without her. Also find a better friend to take feefee. That one still makes me sad. Younger self do not divulge secrets to her and you know who her is. She doesn’t need to know anything about you nor does she want to unless your miserable. She will always take your sisters side so there’s no point. Also do not tell secrets to your brother and his gf you will regret it. Younger self stop with the self doubt yet again. But the guy you meet at the movie theater he’s not the one for you. He’s sweet and kind but he doesn’t want what you want save yourself the pain. Plus his micro penis isn’t worth it at that point cause he can’t give head and doesn’t know where the clit is. The third guy you meet well we’re still working on that. But do not have sex with him on the first date. I can tell you it is amazing sex. But don’t let him. Also don’t be nervous meeting him he’s sweet also don’t wear the booties wear flats. Younger self the men you meet will be all wrong they will make you feel some type of way but it’s ok. Just don’t allow them to dull your sparkle. Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle. Cause your gonna need that sparkle to help you see in the darkest of times. Dear younger self , love yourself cause I love you.
Love,
Older self.
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self.Anxiety
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I hate having a divided family Long story short my parents had a nasty divorce. My father being the adulterer and the one with a wealthy family managed to make my two siblings believe my mother was in the wrong. Well karma eventually hit my father and he died of alcohol withdrawl but my grandfather of course made it all better for them (money). I am not influenced by that nor will it make me a lap dog for anyone so of course I became the black sheep. As a result, my brother and sister haven't spoke to me or my mother for a decade and counting. Fast forward to today, my brother and his wife just had a baby. I get a call from my mom (who found out) is a total wreck because she knows she has zero chance to be with her grandchild let alone her children. The sick thing is that what did I do to deserve this? How am I bad for siding with the latter? I feel like I am beating myself up over nothing.
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self.offmychest
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Bipolar and Anxiety Disorder I'm wondering if anyone on here has a diagnosed anxiety disorder and bipolar. I am struggling so badly with my anxiety that I would choose major depression or mania over it every single time. I can't take an SSRI because it can cause a mixed state, but my mood stabilizers don't remotely help with my anxiety and the physical symptoms of it. I feel like the three psychiatrists I've been to have no idea how to treat me. Does anyone have any similar situation or suggestions? I don't know what to do.
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self.bipolar
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I’m about to lose my mother, and I don’t know what to do. My mother has been diagnosed with a lung disease that is incurable and has a very high chance of death after 2 years. She is my only parent left because my father died when I was 7 years old. I’m a 20 y/o college student, and she lives across the country. I’m depressed as it is, and I’m not sure how I’m gonna get through it when the time comes. I’m heavily contemplating suicide since I feel like I have no one to turn to. I can’t financially support myself, and if I want to, I would have to drop out of school. I just don’t know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Numb, not sad Been having on and off suicidal thoughts since around December. These have gradually become more serious to the point where I have started planning and testing my plans. This mess begun when I started hearing voices, one in particular has even encouraged me to jump over high balconies and in front of an approaching train, 4 separate incidents to date. I'm still here but I feel like I shouldn't be. I have until September to magically fix my brain and go to college or something else my mum's gonna kick me out. She can't support me and I can't do it on my own. Maybe my only escape is death. Why can't I just be healthy and happy???
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self.SuicideWatch
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Promiscuity Wondering if any one has been overly active in (or out of) bed? Any stories? Number of partners? Juicy details ;-P
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self.bipolar
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Am I a bad boyfriend for wanting to kill myself? I've been with my girlfriend for nearly a year, and although me and her are both only 15, we're best friends. We do everything together. She knows about my suicidal thoughts and is worried about me, and I'm just wondering if I go, if that means I never loved her to begin with.
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self.SuicideWatch
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People aren't as scary as you think. What you have in common with people will really surprise you!! [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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When to Tell Someone You're Dating You Have Depression Usually I would probably wait, but this is a slightly different situation. I'm getting electroconvulsive therapy three times a week, so I'm out of work. I don't want to lie when he asks how my day was at work, but I don't want to scare him off either. At the same time, maybe he deserves to know and be able to make the decision if he wants to date me.
I'm really conflicted, so I wanted to get some input! Thanks!
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self.depression
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I have 4 weeks no work due to store reverb and I am already getting lonely and a need to cut Work was my only way out of the house and I have 0 friends who would talk to me outside of work
I can't go pub till next Friday when I get paid
I can't go OK much longer I'm gonna relapse soon my music isn't helping
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self.depression
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So I made an attempt this week I kinda have a background of mental health issues and I'm also a borderline.
I have been going through a rough breakup recently and on Tuesday I got to the point where I just couldn't take it any more we got into an arguement over text and the abusive texts from my ex just kept coming and I felt o couldn't cope so I took a tonne of quetiapine and I responded to him saying "I can't take this any more I've jusr taken an over dose!!! Leave me!!!"
They kicked in not long after that and next thing I know I'm being woken up my mum shaking me and screaming surrounded by ambulance crew I spent the night in hospital.
This was like Xmas to my ex as hes since apparently been posting about it on Facebook and had been lashing out at people who tell him he's out of order. Friends have fallen out with him over it but he sent me abuse telling me it was my fault they have fallen out with him.
I feel like the shitest person on the planet I want out
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self.SuicideWatch
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I lost 250k USD (almost all of my savings and gains) in crypto market During the last week of December 2017, when crypto markets were crashing 40% from its high, I lost all of my bitcoins on a derivatives market. Prior to this, my crypto portfolio was making a big gain.
The worst part of it is that I never had to take the risk in the first place. I had made a bad long bet on bitcoin futures. It had dropped a small amount and it kept on dropping. I still remember the feeling when I lost the first 130k, I could not believe it. It disappeared from my account so quickly. I couldn't believe that liquidation was so swift. I couldn't believe that the price dropped just below of the liquidation price. Just enough to wipe me out. I think it really doesn't matter though. Next week was the worst, I kept on trying to win back the money. I read this behavior and I was still doing it. It was as though I had no free will at this point.
At the end of it, I lost what remained of my account as well. It all went to zero. I know I can only blame myself, and that I took stupid amount of risk when I should have avoided it like the plague. The worst part isn't over however.
First week of January has given new hope to bitcoin. I see alts and bitcoin rising ever higher, with bitcoin reaching back to almost where it left off. I can only look at the spreadsheet of my trade logs and stand agape at the money I lost, and the lost time that money represents.
I used to think I was smart enough to make investment decisions. The part that hurts is that while the market is still in a bull market, I lost money. The after-effect of losing all of my savings is for me to retrench. I think it's a fitting punishment for my hubris. I find myself listless, and in constant thought about how I could have avoided it. I spent the new years alone. While everyone was celebrating, I was lying down on the bed. No tears came to me, and I didn't even feel angry. I just felt incredibly empty. I felt like I had no future.
I am still a proud person, for some reason, even though I think I don't deserve to be proud of anything. Because of my pride I can't tell my immediate family, my co-workers, my friends, and not even strangers who know my internet monikers. I always used to think people who make poor choices could have done things differently mid-course, and could have averted a disaster, but I was one of those people - I had made all the bad choices, then promptly crashed and burned.
I can barely look at my desk and my laptop now because it reminds me of what I had lost. I have been walking aimlessly around the block trying to get my thoughts in order. I can't escape the news that cryptos are in a bull market scenario, and I can't seem to focus on the work either. I sometimes feel as though there is no redemption, but I think only hard work and humility will save me in the end. Perhaps I deserved this ruination. Five years of hard work will be needed to save the money I have lost, but I will never get back the time I have lost.
I once wanted to marry someone and start a family, but now I am set back that many years it will take to recover some semblance of normalcy. I have started to cut down all I can, I have some savings left, and I think I will be fine. I still don't know why I had such cavalier attitude towards my hard earned money. I will try to come to terms with it and to figure out what made me take that stupid risk.
My only hope is that someone will read this and take heed. Hopefully this will help someone cope with their problems, and perhaps someone smart will read this before getting involved in a foolish venture and take steps to avoid similar fate. Perhaps one day I will be at peace with it.
ps. I am sorry that my grammar is a mess, and the writing is basically a ramble. Please excuse me.
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self.offmychest
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Anyone else here isolate themselves on purpose? I do it as i don't believe i deserve to be happy.
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self.depression
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Driving Test Tomorrow Hi all,
I've always had anxiety issues throughout my life and especially around driving. I went out for my test last month and failed parallel parking due to nerves and me rushing it. I'm going back again tomorrow and while I know I can definitely pass there's still a part of me that's freaking out. I've practiced, and I know I can pull it off. My stomachs in knots right now and I have no idea what to do.
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self.Anxiety
|
Dealing with increased anxiety after quitting cigarettes. So I am on 10 months without a cigarette and I thought with time the anxiety would lessen but that seems to not be the case. I realize now that I used smoking as my crutch to ease and deal with my anxiety. But that tingly feeling in my heart, the butterflies in my stomach, the constant fear when being in a car, feeling like I've done something wrong when I know I haven't, being 28 and constantly having that feeling you used to get when you were a child like you're going to get in trouble by your parents when you get home, none of that is getting better. Then those feelings spiral into fear that I'm never going to be successful, fear that I'm never going to find meaning in life, and on and on. Good thing is I don't crave cigarettes anymore. I just crave the content-ness I felt with them. Any advice on how to be a high functioning ball of anxiety? I'm scared if I don't manage it now it's going to turn into depression.
Disclaimer: my health insurance is a basic essential plan with the New York exchange.
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self.Anxiety
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I hate myself and I want to die. not usually one to complain and I won't do anything drastic, not to worry. this is honestly how I feel and I just needed to share. I have been chronically depressed since childhood and it just gets so hard.
I'm so sick of being me.
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self.depression
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Valentines is coming up! You know what that means! Prepping for another wave of sadness and loneliness! Woohoo!
As if preparing will help. LOL. Hope I survive.
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self.depression
|
Been struggling for a while, now GF is knocked up, feeling completely broken, lost, and alone. I've been struggling with depression for most of my adult life. Found out last Thursday that my GF is pregnant, and I've been able to think of little else along with the rest of my failures.
Self medicated through all of my 20s, stuck in a career I hate because I can't bring myself to make any kind of change. Just treading water and living day-to-day is hard enough. Been sober for 8 months now, at least, but emotionally worse than ever. Never had a relationship until my current GF, who is borderline emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive and doesn't trust me for no reason at all. Yet we've been together for almost a year because I'm too much of a pushover to get her out of my life, and at least it's nice to have someone around who 'cares' about me.
She wasn't on birth control and the condom fell off. Only time I've ever finished in her, and this happens. It's something I always stressed about, knowing the risk, and it feels like a cruel joke. Despite being 31, I feel like I'm still a child. I'm not ready for this. We have tentatively decided to abort if the pregnancy continues (another blood test Wed.), but she has mental/emotional issues of her own and I'm terrified she'll change her mind. She says she doesn't think it's a big deal and she's not ready either, but I honestly have no idea how or what she thinks. Early blood test suggested possible miscarriage but that doesn't seem to be the case. I feel ashamed even hoping for that. Researching abortion and I feel like, 'who are you?!'. I can't even believe this is happening and I feel like I'm stuck in some kind of nightmare.
I felt like things were on the upswing a year ago. I had been working out consistently for a couple years, eating better, started dating, was investigating career options, quitting drugs. But in the last year I've backslid tremendously and I don't think I've ever felt more lost and alone in my life. I'm disappointed every time I wake up in the morning. I don't do anything at work because I simply can't. Barely know what I'm doing anymore and have no focus or drive. And right now I feel like I'm at a real crossroads. It's always one step forward and two steps back.
I have no one in my life I can talk with this about, so I'm just venting here.
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self.depression
|
I got stopped I made a thread a few days ago about wanting to kill myself.
I left the notes at the house and took the car and went to go binge eat and at that point my Aunt Called the police and a Health Center. She works at the station as a 911 dispatcher and was able to pinpoint me in the car and tried to talk to me. I turned it off and the next thing I know the car shut off with a full tank of gas.
I was running to the Middle School because I wanted to give my teacher the book she gave me when I was in her class with a note in it. They got me before I could get there.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone else have set plan? Like for instance, if I'm still unhappy, suicidal, and depressed by the time I'm 30, I'm going to kill myself. Anyone else?
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self.depression
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Quick tip that has helped me! If you’re feeling socially anxious, think me.
Yep. You read that right, **me**.
Scream it in your head
“**ME ME ME ME ME ME ME**”
Now do it again.
Idky but this helps. I stop ruminating and focus on **my reality** rather than ***someone else’s*** when you play into someone else’s reality, you try to fit “their” expectations. Fit **your** expectations. Which if you do, you’ll find that you care less.
Or at least **I** do.
Cheers :)
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self.Anxiety
|
documenting Just trying to document this. I don't know.
-Recurring, repeating thoughts of "i want to die" and "kill me" over and over in my head for months. six months plus. I say these things out loud when I'm alone. google says that this isn't intrusive thoughts any more but suicidal ideation. I am working on a bank reconciliation and thinking I want to die. I am feeding my cat and wanting to die. i am out with friends and want to die. I am driving home from work and want to die. I am making a property repair and want to die. I am beating my fiance at videogames and wanting to die. Always in the back of my mind, kill me kill me kill me kill me.
-I had a plan. I moved house and now my plan wouldn't work. I've tried not to make a new plan.
-No one I've tried to talk to has understood. I think my grandma deliberately misheard when I said I was depressed, and said "of course you're stressed". The lady on the suicide line was really dismissive ("why would you want to live in a country that deported you?"). My fiance knows a little and is worried but I don't want to hurt him by telling him everything. Doctor just wants me in and out of her office as fast as possible. Trying to take my meds every day but they're not enough any more. If I told my mom I would just have to support *her* feeling bad about it.
-Sleeping about 4-6 hours a night. Working 40 hours a week at my day job. 20 hours or so at my business. 10 hours on political stuff. Phone with fiance 6-10 hours. More successful than any of my friends. Want to die the whole time.
-showering 3-4 times a week. brushing my teeth maybe every other day. mostly eating free bagels from work, microwave meals, pre packaged smoothies/protein shakes. self care is getting hard.
-need to put the cat in a kennel beforehand so she doesn't eat my face, lol
-Constant skin picking. I have scabs on my face, neck, arms.
-Headaches
-it would be nice to be hit by a truck just a little bit
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Someone please talk to me I need someone. I can't take it anymore. Please help me. It hurts and I can't stand it anymore
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self.SuicideWatch
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Will this work? 50mg Xanax
400-500mg Valium
600-700mg Codeine
1l of Jack Daniel's
Please no comments about my worth or potential in life etc, I just want to know if it will work or if I'm likely just to wake up feeling like shit etc?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
i’m a fuckup this post is going to be all over place and i apologize, i just really need somebody right now. i’m f14 im in 9 grade. in 5 grade there was nothing wrong w my life but i was so depressed and had suicidal thoughts but i knew i would never act on these thoughts. well i would be okay for a few months then depressed and each season of depressed would get worse and worse. these seasons have probably happened 5 or 6 times since. well this depression season has been the worst. some days i can’t get out of bed and i just lay there with tears in my eyes because all i want to do is die. and i’m scared because i think one day i’ll actually kill myself. i’m so done with trying. i’m bisexual and i came out to my mom i’m 8 grade and she isn’t supportive at all and it makes me so suicidal that i can’t be myself. she’s emotionally abusive but doesn’t realize it. i’m not good at explaining my situation but basically i’m so depressed and wanna die. i turned to pills at the beginning of this school year and i haven’t taken any since january 2nd and i’m trying so hard to stop but i just wanna escape reality and get away. it’s my escape, i don’t know how to cope. i’m trying hard not to start cutting myself again but i know i also can’t take pills again. idk what to do. i’m bad at explaining and this post sounds really stupid. idk what i was trying to accomplish. i think i’m going to give it a week
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't want to be alive anymore Everything makes me sad because I feel like I'm never going to be able to afford to move out of my parents house and I'm going to be stuck here forever with my mom treating me like shit until the day I die. I have no diploma, no license and no car, and I never will because people keep telling me they'll take me to do these things and then never do. And I can't do it on my own because I'm a stupid schizoaffective suicidal helpless piece of shit that can't take care of herself. No one will help me and I can't help myself. I want to die.
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self.offmychest
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"Why don't you speak up?" Because maybe I'm called "weak", "a pussy", or an "attention seeker" when I do. One of the WORST things about having depression is dealing with ignorant assholes and the stigma. The stigma itself is why we refuse to tell anyone. I just want to know when people will wake up and realize that this thing isn't some kind of joke and that it is KILLING people.
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self.depression
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Your first honest realization: I am bipolar / I have bipolar (depending on your preference) [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Determined to become the healthiest version of myself. What steps can I take? Diagnosed BP1 a few months ago. Currently taking lithium and latuda, and it's starting to work. Seeing these changes from meds alone has inspired some hope in me and I want to make other changes to become the best, most stable version of myself possible. The goal is long-term stability so I can work or go to grad school :)
What steps can I take to become the healthiest version of myself?
I know I need to exercise and change my diet, but i'm not really sure where to start with those or what else I can do.
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self.bipolar
|
Just letting some thoughts out Death.
I still think of it from time to time.
There are days were I just can't help but to yearn for it.
And I feel guilty, ashamed... Of wanting to end this suffering because of what I might be possibly missing.
I have scars that will never heal
I've been cursed with this low self-esteem
I feel unworthy of love, unworthy of kindness
I've been accustomed to abuse and manipulation
The presence of others can be easily overwhelming
All of my energy depletes after a simple conversation
I'm having a hard time indexing through this troubled past
Poker face on, I hide my exhaustion
Isolating myself, so you do not have to be under my dark cloud
Unable to relate to your common sense,
I freeze and cannot comprehend.
All of these mixed signals that are being sent,
Confusion settles in as my brain tries to process
I try to do my best, but it comes out wrong
I am yet again misunderstood
I'm death tired
I've been endlessly running trying to get out this dark world
But yet here I am again at square one
Wishing death would come to me faster,
For the grim reaper to take all of my pain away
For my soul to be set free
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self.SuicideWatch
|
What do you do when you feel like you're about to fall into a depressive state? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
JEEZ... Seriously, how difficult is it to get a medical practioner who isn't incompetent?
I've been taking antidepressants since 2005 due to quality of life not being so great.
Now I see a goddamm psychiatrist, who seems to have diagnosed me with schizophrenia. I know for a fact I'm not schizophrenic. I've done enough research online to know what it is. I'm prescribed a hand full of pills alongside my regular antidepressants, which I just throw in the garbage when I get them. It's like I'm living a big charade. My idiot social workers think I take all this junk. I'm ready to blow the lid of this charade soon enough.
I just saw a clinic doctor about getting my testosterone levels checked and he's like 'dur dur it could be your meds for your schizophrenia doing this".
I know I'm taking things too personal but FUCK, I'm tired of this shit
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self.depression
|
You can save someone's life. A long time ago I was in a dark place. Then one of my friends who was always a dick to me told me that I'm a good person and he appreciates that I take it in stride. He led me on a path to recovery. You can do that too. Find the kid in the corner of the classroom and talk to him. You can save his life.
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self.depression
|
I feel alone I see people everyday, going through their motions with a sad desperation, struggling to make a dollar stretch. They wake up tired, go to a job that they hate, and come home frustrated. Their frustration seeps into their families, and the family ends up needing a budget for shit food and/or drugs just to cope. Their ambitions range narrowly from getting a 0.25 cent raise to getting another slave job somewhere else in town. They don't have the time or the mental or financial resources to dream of anything better. They've been convinced by this consumerist corporatist culture that there is nothing better.
I don't want that life. Nor do I want to stress and struggle for some 60-100k job. I feel like they're the same at heart. A life where you wake up, do something you hate because you need the money, rinse and repeat.
Everyone seems to be so content with playing inside the box, and I am convinced that there's nothing worthwhile inside the lines.
Is it just me? Am I the only one who reads Chomsky? Am I the only one who wants something better than a "good job"?
It sure fucking feels like it right now.
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self.offmychest
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I've been in research for 10yrs and I hate working under Medical Doctors [NAW from MDs] [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I literally have no idea what to title this Obligatory formatting is terrible because mobile.
I've rewritten this post once.
I don't even know what to do anymore, or with my life. I'm travelling down a hole with no end in sight. I feel like the air is getting thinner and there's not a reason to do anything. Suicide hasn't felt like a valid answer until now, but even I know that I'm not likely (I don't have a plan) to do it in the next 2 weeks.
I guess what I really have to say out of this entire post is "Is there even a point of continuing to exist?"
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self.depression
|
Wow No One Cares Wow no one gives a shit. I post on here and get no fucking reply. Wow no one cares, everyone is out in the fucking world, fucking doing nothing. Its all pointless. Its all pointless not point in improving anything in life.
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self.depression
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Depression is a sun that casts shadow instead of light [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I've never met someone with anxiety like mine. For reference, 25/f. Struggling with anxiety as long as I can remember, but completely out of control once I started college a couple years ago.
Everyone has their struggles. Most people I talk to say that they experience or have experienced anxiety/depression to some degree. Still, I've never met someone who has anxiety quite the way I do.
I've met people who are nearly non-functional due to their anxiety. Meaning that their anxiety is so bad they can't do normal daily activities, such as work and school. And then I've met people who experience some anxiety, but it usually has a direct cause or goes away quickly without much interference.
I feel like I'm straddling a line between those two. I hold a job and go to school, but it is immensely difficult for me. Every single day is a constant battle. I go through times where my anxiety is so bad that I have near constant panic attacks for days or weeks at a time. During these anxiety cycles, I will regularly hyperventilate, feel like I'm dying, cry hysterically, become enraged and start destroying things around me, get self-destructive, and otherwise live in a constant state of terror.
After one of these cycles, I may have a few days, or even weeks with barely any anxiety at all.
In other words, I can go from completely 'sane', functioning like any other person, to having my loved ones thinking I need to literally be admitted to a mental health hospital. During these extreme cycles, no one and nothing can calm me down. Despite being a fairly logical person, every semblance of logic goes out the window.
What makes my anxiety so confusing is that I'm self-aware the entire time. You know when you meet someone with severe mental illness and they just seem to be at a point where they're completely disconnected with reality? I never get there.
Even during these cycles, I'm constantly ruminating and I know very well that my behavior and general self is out of control. The problem is that I cannot stop it. No matter how many medications, how much exercise, how much meditation, how much therapy... When an anxiety cycle hits, it's over.
I've tried talking to people about shared anxiety issues before, and the general response has been underwhelming. I completely understand and empathize with their anxiety, but I can't relate to it at all. Why? Because my anxiety has no known cause or pattern. It's not that I get into a fight with my spouse and anxiety takes me on an awful trip. It's not centered around my period or hormones. It's not that I'm stressed out about a big work project and my anxiety goes off the rails. All of my physical health exams have come back clear. I can never actually pinpoint a cause.
There is literally no pattern.
I've kept a mood journal for over a year, along with a sleep journal, exercise journal, food journal, period tracker... All in a desperate attempt to find some type of correlation between these anxiety cycles and something in my lifestyle. I've gone on special diets, cut out things that are said to cause anxiety, followed a million rules... All to no avail.
Now, I've found myself in a position where I'm completely without insurance. I don't qualify for Medicaid and still can't afford insurance through the ACA.
I guess what I'm saying is... I'm at a loss. If anyone takes the time to read this and has experienced something similar and has advice, or is even willing to just talk about anxiety issues, I'm all ears.
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self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone else feel like "trained professionals" all just say the exact same thing All the help lines, all the doctors, all the therapists. Just try to do things to keep your mind busy, if you need to, use a rubber band. It's not helping and it seems that every. Single. Person. I talk to says the exact same same thing
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self.depression
|
Just had the worst first day of work ever Long story short, I've got deformations to the intestine that are made worse by IBS and an anxiety disorder. I'm legally disabled and I've been surviving on SSI and food stamps for a little over a year.
After some surgeries and heavy medication, I got a little cocky and felt like I could probably go back to work. So, I found a part time job to start out, thinking the load would be pretty light.
It turns out I work less days each week, but I still work eight hour shifts. I used to work 12 hour days, so I thought "how bad could it be?"
The worst. On hour 4, I started getting weak. Hour 5, I started shaking and sweating. Hour 6, splitting headache, nausea. And then by hour 7 the nausea was so bad that I threw up during the last 30 minutes of my first day. Then the last 30 minutes were spent slumped over a table, profusely sweating and trying not to vomit. Some of the worst pain I've ever felt in my life, all together.
Now I'm stuck. I don't know if I should go back to being the worthless leech on society that I was, torture myself by working like this (and just end up getting fired because it isn't working), or ask for shorter shifts on more days (which it doesn't seem like they even do). Either way, I'm still screwed because this killed my confidence about going back to work and leading a semi-normal life.
Day one and I'm already defeated. Now I have to go back in the morning and I only got done throwing up an hour ago. Still weak and shaking too.
God dammit.
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self.depression
|
All i do is sleep and relax but im more tired then ever Its funny to think that im just so fucking tired and then i think about it that all i do is chill (video games music eating movies) and sleep alot but still i have never felt so tired in my life.
|
self.depression
|
Scared to feel happiness? Does anyone else get scared to be happy because it means you might swing into a depressed state afterwards? I recently went to a concert and I didn't let myself be happy because I was worried I'd swing the opposite way. I'm disappointed because it ruined a night that could have been so fun.
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self.bipolar
|
life is just a bunch of goodbyes the people who i want to spend time with me dont seem to care about me as the same way i care about them.
im tired of feeling this way; my friends have their own lives to live, goals to accomplish, stuff they wanna do. i know that much already, but it feels as if im being left behind.
i try to do my own things, keep myself occupied but its not turning out the way i thought it'd be, and no one seems to care if im busy doing something. its as if im gone, and they dont even realize it.
the people i used to call friends, they dont give me the same kind of friendliness that i give to them, and i end up leaving those people because i know they dont care about me, and somewhere deep down i know that they dont like me, but now i have no one to turn to.
im alone, there are no more heroes.
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self.offmychest
|
FUCK YOU AHHHHH FUCK YOU EX FUCK YOU TEACHER FUCK YOU PARENTS JKS I LOVE YOU TWO FUCK MY OLD BOSS FUCK CHURCH FUCK GOD FUCK DEVIL FUCK ARMY FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOUR FRANK FUCK YOU JENNIFER FUCK YOU CHARIYA FUCK YOU MURAT FUCK YOU JERAMY FUCK YOU KELSEY fuckkckckckckckckkckckckck you KELSEYYYYY FUCK ME KABI FUCK YOU KABI FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK THE WORLD I HOPE I BURN LIKE THE IT IS FUCK THE UNIVERSE DIE DIEDIEDEIDEIDEIDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE UCK YOU HANNAH FUCK YOU AUNTIES FUCK YOU GRANDMA FUCK YOU FUCK YOU love u cindy FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
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self.offmychest
|
I've got a question? I'm not sure if this has been asked before, it probably has. Does anyone know the age you can go seek help without having to tell your parents? I don't want them to worry about me anymore than they already do, but I'm also struggling very bad...
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self.Anxiety
|
My life so far feels like i've been in one giant coma. I don't even feel alive most of the time.
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self.depression
|
I started hitting myself again. Someone just remind me I'm not a monster. That I have feelings too. That I shouldn't just jump onto an overpass. That I...
I don't even fucking know.
I feel like I'm writing bad emo bullshit and it's so stupid of me to feel this way. I just want to keep hitting myself.
Yes, I'm writing this on my throwaway.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Just dropped out of grad school, because I thought I didn't enjoy it. Deep down, the truth is my depression teared me apart. It's strange, throughout my life I've always been a struggler. I would know and acknowledge that I felt "wrong" in comparison to others. But I always told myself it was a test, and that success will mean more to me than my peers because I had to fight harder for it. But I never did. I was always too weak. From a very young age I've struggled with how I felt, how to feel and how to express it (which was never) My home life was trash, my mother was physically abusive because of her own angst against my father. My father was a emotionally abusive and was fucked up himself in his own right. Growing up, they had favorites and it was never me. I always told myself it didn't bother me, because I hated them anyway, but underneath, it always cut deep. And I've carried this into adulthood. I struggle with getting close to others, I fail to see why anyone would see value in me and I feel absolutely unlovable because I fucking hate myself. I hate the way I look, I hate the decisions I've made and I hate where my life is. I can't help but feel intense regret from dropping from grad school. I convinced myself and others that the reason was because I hated it. But the truth was, I hated myself. I felt inadequate, stupid and totally worthless compared to others. But what hurts the most, is that I didn't realise my depression was still there with me. I always knew I had it, but I had real bad habits that I dropped and got into self-development. But deep down, it never worked. Things were always more difficult than they should've been and the little things in life took real effort. I convinced myself that I didn't have depression, but that I was lazy and unmotivated. Self-development in itself, became a futile escape from myself, my depression. But there's one thing I've learnt from my time at grad school and it's all down to this one lady. I'm in a LTR so it was nothing romantic from my side, but we just got along so well. To the point I felt guilty enjoying her company whilst being away from my partner (moved to a different state for grad school). Despite that, this person, when she was able, would dedicate herself solely to listening to me and I would do the same. Just by talking we would help heal eachother. I always put it down to us being naturally compatible, but the real reason is best explained in this quote:
"She got inside me with her story. I could feel her flowing in me and far, faraway I related in parallel. Her smile was a reflection of my own brokenness. It defined buried feelings that I could never ignore" - Robert m drake
But what I learnt from her that I feel is so invaluable, is the realisation that I simply can't do this alone. After countless years burying and convincing myself that I could fix things myself and that if I'm having problems, it was because I was lazy or weak, has finally become undone. I now fully accept I CANNOT do this alone. I CANNOT do it by myself and I NEED help. As soon as I'm back in my homestate, the first thing I'm doing with the money I saved from not continuing school is getting a therapist. I NEED help and I'm no longer going to be ashamed to ask for it. The downside to meeting this person was the flood of repressed memories. I didn't realise how much I buried, until it all started coming to the service. I used to cut to escape (one of the habits I dropped), then suddenly realised at a very young age I used to hurt myself. Pinch, punch myself in the face, bang my fists against my chest until it was red raw and bruised. I vaguely remember romanticizing death as a child. But these were all buried away. Buried so deep that I've fooled myself into thinking I was "normal" for a very long time. That I didn't have depression and the reason for my downfalls was because I didn't work or want it hard enough. I'm not sure where I want to go with this post, but I wanted to share how I feel. Expressing my thoughts and feelings is something I never do, and so I'm going start doing what I never do. For the ones who made it this far, you have my gracious thanks.
Please feel free to comment. I'm glad I've finally come to realise, it's good to talk.
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self.depression
|
Just so tired of being harassed I am a senior in high school and have been constantly harassed by my "friends". They constantly make memes about me and post them online. Insult me in front of everyone and I am tired of it. Most of the time I ignore but lately they have been escalating the amount of stuff they do. Such as having an entire discord and Instagram group about me, going on my parents' Facebook and photo shopping the images and even taking pictures of me when i'm not looking. They have pictures of me from the 8th grade and they constantly post them. The worst part of this entire situation now its starting to effect me, I've been losing sleep, and my grades are starting to decline. I guess after 7 years you just can't ignore it anymore. I haven't told anyone how I feel and what's going on and I don't know what to do.
Edit: I looked over and realized I was missing a few details, guess I just go so emotional.
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self.offmychest
|
There’s just NO escaping no matter what you do [deleted]
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self.depression
|
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