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Can you be suicidal without having depression? I’m not diagnosed with depression and here I am knowing I will have killed myself by 5 years from now. I know I have people who care about me and all but for some reason I just push them all away. Im bored with life and I want to know what happens next. Curiosity killed the cat right?
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self.depression
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Just wanted to give you all a shout out for being yourselves and being here I don't use reddit thaaaat often, but when I do, I'm probably on this subreddit. I just wanted to say its nice to have this to come to when I'm feeling insecure or when I get way too deep into researching bipolar. You guys make me realize my tendencies and eccentricities are normal (well, for us) and you don't get (except you obv do) how good it feels to repeatedly see posts that express the exact way you feel and think everyday.
This is just such an important community and I'm glad its here for all of us.
I hope everyone has a great day. Keep moving forward, stay positive, bipolar doesn't have shit on us.
EDIT: THANK YOU KIND STRANGER FOR THE GOLD I AM NOT WORTHY
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self.bipolar
|
It's equal parts terrifying and exhilarating to finally understand that nobody really cares I used to try to talk to people about my depression, and tell them how I felt. In the end it only pushed people alway. No one wants to hear about your depression and the things you go through that suck. All they want to hear about is how successful you are, the jokes you have to tell, in general, the positives you can add to their lives. If you think you've found something different I promise you, you haven't, you're just missing whatever that other person is getting out of you.
As shitty as this sounds, once you know this, you can rearrange your behavior to reflect how people really feel. Why try and talk about your depression with someone? In the end you're really just bringing them down. It's better to focus on something positive or if you can't just make some space and don't talk about anything at all. The people people love to be around are "always in a good mood" or "always down to have a good time". Chances are these people have issues as well they probably just handle them better. They know that no one really cares about their problems, and people just want someone they can have fun with so they play them game. And when these people can't play the game anymore they spend sometime alone. Sure, maybe some people are just naturally happier than others but that doesn't mean that even naturally unhappy people can't use the same strategy. They might just have to spend more time by themselves.
Ultimately my New Years resolution is to keep more of myself to myself, to be more positive around others even if I don't feel it within myself and most importantly, to take that time to myself to know when I can't put on the face anymore.
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self.depression
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Just screwed my chances at possibly getting a job.... I was sitting in the group meeting when they said that my application wasn't received, and all I had to do was send it via phone right there. This made me a tad nervous, but it wasn't really a big deal.
It all fell apart when I couldn't even log in to send the application. I got so worked up that I just walked out broke down crying.
I hate this shit.
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self.Anxiety
|
My degeneracy has reached over 9000, a confession of my sins. I am such a waste of life, I have consistently failed to live like normal human. For 15 years my life has been getting worse and 2017 was by far the worst year of my life. I just want to go over how much of a degenerate I am because I have nothing left to do.
- I am 28 in a couple of days and I still live with my parents. They are making dealing with depression, anxiety and ibs difficult. I hope to move out this year but it depends if I can get a loan and if my anxiety stays in check.
- I can't drive. I drive to work every day sure, but its a five minute drive down a back road. I cannot deal with busy traffic or towns, it is just too much for me to take in at once. So I have to get my parents to get me fuel at the gas station. I don't know how I am going to get by when they stop doing it.
- I have been taking codeine for a long time, possibly up to five years. I take one before work every day and often take another at lunch time if I am feeling ill. I have ibs so the doctors recommended I take them and they just keep giving me more subscriptions.
I think it has completely messed my body up, so I wanted to go off them during my X mas break. Each time I stop taking them for two days I get really ill on the third. I made it up to five days before I went back on them because I was really ill and my parents were complaining. So I am stuck on a hardcore drug that I have been abusing to be able to work for years.
- I am saving for a house but for my age I have hardly any money in the bank. When I started working many years ago I was a bit loose with my money, buying lots of games and equipment. I am forever going to be behind on savings.
- I hardly ever tidy my room. There are always clothes everywhere and dust on the bookshelves. I always tell myself I will do it one day but it never happens.
- I have not had any friends since 2002, the last year of primary school. Since I started high school in 2003 I have been alone.
- I have OCD and a bad memory. I will do something and then a minute later I won't be able to remember if I did it or not. And when I leave the house I stress about the fridge being closed and taps being off and the iron etc. And adding bad memory to OCD means I cannot remember the state of something a second after I check it.
- I hardly do any food prep or cooking. I only do very basic stuff, but even then if I can get away with it I just have the most lazy meal ever. For lunch I have been just eating some fruit and cheese. I am a filthy degenerate.
- I'm the most lazy mofo ever and it is the thing that annoys me the most about living with myself. I want to be a busy person but I don't have any energy. I am soo slow. I don't have any time management either. I have wanted to make Youtube videos for a decade but anytime I start I just do the bare minimum and give up. There is a mental block that stops me from working hard. I'm a compulsive lazy person. All I want to do is sit there watching Youtube and doing nothing. I never get bored of it for some reason.
- I loath my job, I have been there for five years and it is a nightmare. Whats worse is that last year my boss screwed me and my workmate over and is taking away our roles. We are going from IT administrators to BYOD techs, and I can't stand BYOD. I don't even know that much about phones or tablets. I start back in two days and I don't think I can do it anymore, I have not been keeping up with my studies and so I am starting to suck at IT. And I am beyond bored of it.
- I drink spirits whenever I want to fight anxiety, which is a lot of the time. And that is mixing in with the codeine too.
- I am such a degenerate I get mega anxiety just leaving the house. I still don't feel comfortable around people even though I work in a busy place, in fact I am regressing and getting worse at dealing with public places. So I never go out.
- I have depression so bad I don't enjoy anything, I don't feel anything, nothing means anything to me. I am a nihilist I spose. Nothing has a point, there is no reason to do anything, and so I just suffer through work and suffer through my home life waiting to die.
So that is some of the reasons I am a degenerate and why I am screwed. There is just too many problems to fix with my life and it is to little to late. There is nothing I want in life, I have never enjoyed myself, I don't like living, I wonder why I have not killed myself, I don't know, maybe I am too lazy. So F you life, F me for being a freak and gin is on the house boys.
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self.depression
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I made everything harder than it had to be [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I found the root of all my problems, the thing they all have in common! [deleted]
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self.depression
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I am desperate, I need someone to talk to. Hey whoever is reading this, I need some help and I don’t know who to turn to. So a few years back I started experiencing issues socializing with people. It has gotten to the point where I have no friends left and can’t start conversations with coworkers or even my bf’s friends. My boyfriend and I like to climb for fun. We have a membership at a climbing gym and we go at least 3 times a week. I love going but sometimes I have uncomfortable episodes. I feel like I’m trapped inside plastic wrap and I want to get on my feet and climb but my body won’t move. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell myself I need to get up my body does not respond. Things only spiral down after that. I start feeling like I have a lump on my throat, pressure on my chest and the feeling of impotence rises and shuts me down. I’ve tried talking to my bf about it but sometimes words won’t come out of my mouth when I try to explain what’s happening. Maybe I was scared of him thinking its stupid? Anyways, I tried explaining to him what’s been happening to me and he said I just need to stop it, that I can get over it if I try. The problem is that I don’t know how.
Has any of you had a similar experience? What should I do? How do I work through this?
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self.Anxiety
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lowering expectations in life to a cube you exist in the world is grim, cruel, depressing.
going to just look for peace and quiet.
something small. stop trying to win, and maybe just sustain?
peace to tend to, history to enjoy
fight to be the best in the cube
soft breeze and gentle sky
lo-fi, a lo-fi life
be prepared for savagery but do not inflict
rest peacefully under a
soft breeze and gentle sky
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self.depression
|
Hey, for those who are or have been on metformin, what's it like and what does it do for you? Briefly discussed with pdoc because I have previous serious binge eating problems and now I am more so struggling with recurrent overeating and unable to lose weight easily. I can maybe go a few weeks with losing weight before eating becomes an issue again. I track calories too. If I'm unable to lose any weight by my next appointment in January then metformin might be something we talk about. Was looking to hear from you guys as to how it has helped or what kind of side effects you've had. I'll be doing a practicum so I just need to be able to work full time hours while on my meds.
Eta does it need to be taken indefinitely too if taken for weight loss/eating? Or does it wind up having a positive longer term effect even when discontinued?
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self.bipolar
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I'm afraid to get a real job because I sleep for 13 hours a day I work at a gas station right now, and it's alright. But I want to go to college one day and get a real job, or even get a 'real' job somewhere else beforehand working at a plant nearby (there's this sand delivery place that's supposed to be really good) but the problem is I fucking sleep all day.
The gas station works because they don't expect me to be on time every day, so about once a week my sleep schedule lines up so that I'm an hour or so late for work. Nonetheless I have regular night terrors about being late to work. Especially when I worked at Costco last year (being late did not fly there) I would routinely wake up in a cold sweat frantically checking my alarm that I wasn't late.
I don't know what to do.
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self.depression
|
Feeling Lost and Lonely (just a rant) I don't really know. I can't sleep at night anymore, and am incredibly unproductive. I don't eat much even though I know I should, but I'm not that hungry. I feel really alone. I don't know how people meet other who like them and want to be with them. I try not to show how sad I am in public, so It's not like I'm scaring people off that way. I have some friends, but they are all new because It's first semester of Freshman year. I have one close friend, and I feel lucky to have even one, but I don't really want to put this on her since there's nothing she can really do about it. I really like feeling needed, so I end up being the person a lot of my friends go to to talk to. I often feel like I am giving more than I'm getting though, and while I love being there for people, even people I don't know, it's kind of hard. I don't want to tell any of my friends I'm struggling this much because I don't want them to see that side of me. But it's so hard for me to seek help. There are so many steps and I'm already busy. I tried to reach out earlier this year, and got pretty far but then I lost motivation to continue. I constantly think about dying, but I know I would never do it. I keep thinking about what I want to do in the future, like travel and things like that, but each day it seems less and less likely I'll ever get there because there's college, and then possibly grad school, and then I have to work to pay off debts, and I'll probably just get stuck in a job for the rest of my life. I don't even know what I want to do with my life. It doesn't help that I don't really have interests and I'm not really that great at anything.
I feel like I'm drowning in my school work but it's my own fault because I procrastinate so much (like right now) and I blame most things on my adhd including not eating as much as I know I should. It's scaring me though because before I knew I had adhd, in high school I wouldn't eat on purpose because when everything else in my mind was chaos, what I put in my body was something I could fully control. Losing weight was my one success when I was struggling with everything else. It's been years since then and I have gotten better, but since often I'm so busy I forget to eat, or I'm just not hungry, I feel like I'm getting sucked back in. I know I've lost weight, and I'm scared that I like the feeling of achievement from it.
Also a guy I may or may not have had a crush on (one of my only guy friends) decided it would be fun to gaslight me which hurt because I thought we were friends... I haven't talked to him in a week and I kind of miss him, but I was always the one to start conversations so I feel like even though he said he liked talking to me, I was just annoying him. Plus even if we ended up going out, it wouldn't be fair to him. I'm too messed up right now for anyone to have to deal with. Plus I feel like I would have to go really slowly in the physical part of a relationship because this guy at a party tried to touch me when I was drunk. Nothing happened as far as I know but I don't feel comfortable anymore. But most guys at my school are only looking for a hookup, so it looks like I'll be alone for a long time.
I don't think I can just live one day at a time anymore. I feel like I'm not experiencing life. I feel like I am breathing stale air and everything Is fake, and nothing matters.
On top of all this emotional shit is the fact that I have finals soon, and I'm not ready and I have had a tension headache for a week and it won't go away with Advil. I'm pretty sure it's because I don't sleep enough, but I physically can't fall asleep no matter how long I lay in bed and "fake it till I make it"
If you read all of this, wow.
I hope all of you have a better day than I'm having.
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self.depression
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I really want to fucking escape (bullying and shit.) [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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There's no salvation from this Nothing I do matters and if I try to get better or just feel better, I fuck it up in some. I fuck it up in any way possible. No wonder I cant keep friends, no wonder I don't have a SO, no wonder I'm not going anywhere in life. And even if I had all those things, I'd strike myself down at every opportunity. I'm a fuck up and there's nothing I or anyone else can do about it. I'm not going through therapy again, I'm not taking a cocktail of meds my whole life, I'm done reaching out. I'm just done. I want to sit in this bed till my body finally catches up with the rest of me and rots away. There's no end to this, no salvation.
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self.depression
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I don't matter, never have and never will. Absolutely nothing would change if I killed myself. I still consider suicide every day. The lost of my grandfather and being let go from my job less than a week later (no bad blood, it had to do with work and college schedules, but still) and 2 failed exams (once again, college) just exacerbates the depression and anxiety I already have. I was walking on a sidewalk yesterday in the cold and rain and almost walked into traffic just to end it. I walked over an overpass ober a highway and stopped and considered climbing the fence and jumping over. I hate my life and can't do anything to change it right now. Depression and anxiety and whatever else has gotten so bad that I no longer feel emotions. I'm legitimately dead, emotionally. No one would miss me anyway. And it wouldn't change anything. The world would still go on without me. I don't matter. I never have and never will.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I (27/F) have been off my anxiety meds for about a week and i'm wondering if i should start them again Hello! I've got generalized anxiety disorder, work about 30 hours a week and go to school full time. I also struggle with some PTSD and depression. A couple years ago, I started on Citalopram with the help of my PCP; I have a history of seizures in my family and am super worried about taking anything that could trigger those (though I thankfully have not had any), as well as taking anything with really risky side effects. I decided I was ready to stop taking them (I weaned, and discussed everything with my doctor so this was not a spur of the moment decision) and now I'm really not sure if that was a good idea. I'm also not sure if the sudden influx of issues I've been experiencing is related to coming off the medication itself or due to the anxiety.
For example, I get the face flushing thing all the time now. I'm literally just sitting here watching TV and doing laundry and it's bad. I've also been a lot more worried about the things I say and do (my room mate just left in a hurry for work and I'm certain she's upset with me because she left a little over an hour which is earlier than she usually does and I also said her bathroom smelled like cologne so now I'm sure she's upset with me). It's like I'm hyper obsessive with everything in my life and it's getting to be a little overwhelming. I literally can't even have a conversation with a member without being worried I've offended them because apparently my filter is broken right now too???? Dealing with regular anxiety is bad enough, this is like anxiety on crack.
On top of that, I've been having these horribly weird and uncomfortable head pulses. They aren't painful, but they're really weird and they throw me off. I sometimes I feel a little dizzy or odd when they happen I can't tell what's triggering them or how to make them stop. I'm more sensitive and I don't remember being quite this worried, or feeling these weird physical symptoms as much as I am now. I'm crying a lot more often and am way more sensitive to what people say. I mean, I've always been kind of a baby but this is bad even for me.
Basically, I'm not sure what's going on. This is my first experience with coming off of meds like this and they're not even supposed to be that intense. But I feel like I'm coming apart, physically and emotionally, and I don't know what to do. Is this normal? Has anyone else struggled with this and, if so, how do I handle this?
As a side note, I do smoke weed sometimes but it has never heightened the feelings of anxiety and has so far been the only thing keeping me calm. I feel like I'm about ten seconds away from throwing away my phone and becoming a hermit. I could really use some advice. Thanks guys.
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self.Anxiety
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My cat died and it upsets me more than i expected I know losing a pet is not the biggest deal in the world but I'm crying a little on the train home after just hearing my mother reversed the car over the cat.
It's just me and mam in the house and I'm not home a lot, the cat was like a baby to her. she never went far from the house, was always so happy to see you come home and was so affectionate. We found her five years ago abandoned and filthy in the middle of the road and now when I get home she won't be there and it sucks :(
I know it's not my mother's fault the cat ran under the car but she's gonna be beating herself up over this for a long time, she used to stay up until the cat would come inside at night to make sure she was okay, she bought her the best food, she really loved that cat! Cant think of a worse way for her to have gone.
I dunno im just sad and im gonna miss my cat. Some mornings she'd crawl under the blankets and curl up to you in bed and just snuggle and purr and that wont be happening anymore...
Theres way worse people are going through today but today im just sad my cat died.
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self.offmychest
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I’m afraid to go to work because it causes me to have anxiety attacks [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Over Thinking- The life and Times of me So, I️ know I️ over think. It’s no mystery. I️ have always had a problem with it, from the time I️ 8, I️ remember not being able to solve riddles because I️ could not stop going over every detail trying to figure out how all the things added up. Oh well, I️ live with i️t. The one place I️ have really been able to keep my over thinking in check, though, is relationships. Weird, I️ know. I️ think i️t has a lot to do with the fact that I️ am full of myself. I’ve always just been under the assumption that anyone is lucky to be with me. Its either that, or the fact that my dad never loved me and I’m mostly completely emotionally unattached. Who knows?
But, this is all back ground. Recently, I’ve been hooking up with this guy (not sure if hooking up is the right slang, because we also have intentions “date” at some point) Anyway, he really likes to have sex and I️ do too, but every dog has its day and today was mine. I️ was seriously just not in the mood and this is boy was very upset about i️t. he actually sulked up like, a 2 y/o - fast forward an hour or so and I’m home now and we’re texting. He usually asked me to facetime, but tonight he didn’t. he also usually stays up extremely late, but tonight he said he was going to bed early and when i said goodnight, he just didn’t reply. I️ don’t know if i’m just over thinking or what. idk, but I️ like I️ have a night of no sleep ahead of me.
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self.offmychest
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I think I have bad anger issues, but I don't know how to tell my parents My dad can be an angry person. When he gets upset, there's no doubt in anyone's mind that he's feeling that way. He yells and he swears, you know the usual. I love him, but in those moments of anger, all I can think is; don't you realize how stupid you look? And how childish you're being?
I'm just like him. We have the same personality and we find the same topics to be interesting. We also have the same reaction to being upset.
I get defensive so easily. I yell at my greatest friends and hurt them. I talk abut things I'm angry about until everyone around me is saying "uh huh". I see something that slightly upsets me, and I could rant all day. I hate it, I hate that side of me. Normally I'm a very outgoing and (I'm hoping) friendly person. But if someone angers me, I can't help myself.
Sometimes I wish my friends would call me out. Sometimes I pray they don't because I already feel bad enough. I lie awake at night thinking of the things I've said to my friends and cry. I've said terrible awful things to friends for them doing next-to-nothing.
I think there might be something wrong with me, or maybe I'm just going insane. I can't talk to my parents about it because they'll say "you're a teen, you have lots of emotions", I can't help feeling that it's more than that.
I really don't know what to do.
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self.offmychest
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I'm useless and it's showing I'm not a healthy person and I guess it's showing . My blood sugar has been out of range. I'm a nursing student who does a lot of physical activity and I need to try to change. In class yesterday I had cpr class and had to try to give cpr to the mannequin. My blood sugar went out of whack , I passed out and had used the bathroom on myself and people just laughed . All of them are healthy so they don't understand .
My mother is rude and doesn't understand, and yesterday I came home to my clothes and items ruined from a leak and bleach spill. I could only save my bras and panties and scrubs.
I want to cry I hate this week so much
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self.depression
|
Don't know if this is against the rules so sorry if it is but yano I don't want to seem like a self diagnoser or an attention seeker but a friend who has been diagnosed as bipolar has advised me to come here and do some research and try gain some insight as to what my situation might be. For the last 3 years on and off I've had terrible mood swings, manic episodes where I've done some shitty things to people I care about and I've been dealing with an awful lot recently, I lost a friend to suicide and my S.O left me because of my instability and I feel like I'm an outsider in my own life (If there's a term or name for this let me know) and despite my friend having bipolar disorder I've never done much research into the condition. I only know my friends specific symptoms and I'm sure everyone's case is different. I guess I'm just here to get some advice or some opinions from people who could very well feel the same way I do. I also know I could be completely wrong about what I've interpreted as bipolar disorder and if this upsets or annoys anyone I'm very sorry. I'm a little anxious to go straight to a counsellor or a psychiatrist because if I'm wrong I'd feel kinda stupid so I'm kinda hoping someone here could point me in the right direction. Thanks guys
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self.bipolar
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Wishing for the void Long story shot, job hunting has triggered me into an existential crisis of sorts and has got me thinking about how id rather have just not done the whole life thing in the first place.
It feels like someone took me out to a restaurant when i wasn't hungry to start. Maybe my food isn't bad, maybe its even good, but I took one bite, and I'm full. I'm done and now I have this entire plate of food still in front of me.
Im not religious. I never have been. I hope there is no god, and no afterlife, because it all sounds like a hassle. Even a heaven of sorts, id just rather not have. My favorite thing is when im in an unconscious sleep, in a void, without dreams. I hope death is just like that. Just fading away into an unconscious void. it sounds the easiest and most comforting.
I just feel stuck at the dinner table right now. The meal is fine, but I'm just slowly picking at it until its finally done. I'd just rather not have gotten it in the first place.
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self.depression
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I can't do it but I wish I could. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Feeling horrible over something sexual I did when I was younger, what was done to me and the abuse I endured as a kid. MeToo got me thinking about my past, what was done to me and what I did to someone else.
I faced a lot of abuse as a kid, my mom wasn't there, my dad took his anger out on me verbally and at times physically.
I was quiet, alone, most of my friends moved away and I lost good friends in my family when their parents assaulted me.
When I was 13-14 I was close to two of my family members, we'd do everything together as we were in the same age group. The female one started doing things, while although probably innocent at the time I think they confused me. She would sit on my lap, and stick her butt in my face, cuddle up with me and stuff.
One night while she was sleeping I took her hand and rubbed it against my vagina for a second. I immediately stopped and never did this again. I was disgusted with myself. I truly and honestly don't know why I did this.
About a year later I was falling asleep while we laid next to each other, other family was in the room. She began rubbing me down there and tried to put her hand in my pants, I stopped her and held my pants closed. She kept persisting I would say aggressively... I eventually relented and she rubbed for a second before I sat up and stopped her. I hated it, I hated that it felt good. The next day we were obviously both disgusted but we got over it. There was one time I remember vaguely waking up to her staring down my pants.
Everything was normal for awhile, and then she eventually told her family what I did. She never mentioned what she did though. Our families were confused and didn't know what to do, so we were separated for awhile. We got back together and started hanging out again like a year later.
13-14 years down the line, things are relatively normal. We don't talk much but there doesn't seem to be much animosity. She's got a job, lives on her own and relationships seem normal.
So, these are my sins. I don't know it I can ever be normal again, I don't know if what I did was the ultimate evil or if it was my age, my upbringing or what. I just know that I would never, ever do this again and the love I show her and my family I hope makes up for it in tiny ways.
I'd say I want a normal life, but I don't know if I deserve one. I've seen some crazy stories on here but mine feels pretty bad too.
I spend every day sorry, and the guilt is literally hurting me constantly. I wish I would have had the foresight and empathy back then to stop myself. I loved you and I'm so sorry to you. I probably shouldn't feel like I was violated too, but I do. But I started it so fuck me.
Do you think my family sees me as a monster? They tell me they love me but I don't know for sure.
Any advice?
**Tl;dr I was close to a family member my age group and I put her hand on my parts for a few one time and felt disgusting. Later on she did the same to me but I stopped her before she could continue. Am I a monster?**
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self.offmychest
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Therapy is too expensive and I'm suicidal i've been getting mentally worse for the last couple of years, two weeks ago i had the urge to throw myself in front of a train, it was scary and also so attractive as an idea. i didn't do anything and the thought went away.
these last couple of days I've been feeling very bad, but this morning I felt (and still feel) somehow worse, i started contemplating the idea of killing myself for real, I thought about it for a while, and then I started looking for ways to kill myself online, the fastest way, so that there is no way to actually be saved. and it was there that when i open the link it turned out to be something like "is not a real list of ways of killing yourself, but please ask for help.. etc" and i started crying and sobbing like never before. I'm currently alone at home and I feel scared I won't make it through the day.
I started to look for a therapyst in munich, where I live, and to my surprise, the prices are so high. I don't have much money, I obviously can't afford to pay 150 per session, or more. but I think for the first time I need help.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Screw off anxiety I stayed home from work today because I was struggling with my anxiety all morning. I feel like a wimp for calling in sick and it’s just making it worse. I don’t even have anything unusual or new to be worried about today, something just hit me and I can’t get it to go away. Thursdays are one of my favorite work days too. And now when my family gets home and wonders why I’m not at work, I’ll have to tell them why and they’ll try to understand but just write it off as me being lazy. I wish anxiety like this never existed
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self.offmychest
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I hate myself so much right now I hate that I'm this way. I hate that my mind does this! I hate what I just did, it was a huge breach of trust between me and my family. I don't expect my husband to understand if he finds out, it's totally understandable that he should want to leave me. I'm a terrible person, I can't blame this completely on my illness. There must be this terrible person under the surface of my skin and she just only comes out when I get hypo or manic.
I instantly regretted what I did, but I did it anyway. I'm undecided if I'm going to go home or just crash my car into a tree or building or something on the way and be done with this bullshit. Fuck my doctor for tapering me off my medication without putting me on something else at the same time. I'm just so done right now!
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self.bipolar
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I really need help for my sister, don't know what to do. throwaway for obvious reasons.
My sister is 29 years old, and has never been happy for as long as I can remember. I desperately need assistance in figuring out how to help her. I love her very much, but I feel like I don't know what to do to help.
She lives at home, and is in a deep depression. She has diagnosed anxiety, and I *think* diagnosed depression. She also has some form of OCD that manifests as a germ problem. She has an incredibly volatile temperament and is prone to outbursts of screaming / cursing.
She was fired from her job last month, less than a year after getting fired from her previous job. Before that, she lived at our parents' house and was in a depressive funk for several years in which she did not really do anything at all besides watch TV and go online.
Thankfully she does now see a therapist (this is a recent thing of the past few years) and goes once a week, although before she was fired she went less than once a month. She is up front about the fact that she does not discuss heavier issues with her therapist as she does not like to feel vulnerable with the therapist (she phrases it differently).
Her depression is just getting worse and worse since being fired, and she is falling back into old habits of lying around the house doing nothing. She drinks a lot. She often says things like she wishes she were never born, and that we'd be better with her dead. I have no idea how to motivate her to get treatment. I also don't know where she should start, whether with the anger, the depression, or the anxiety. I don't even know how to convince her to take the reigns of seeking treatment.
We are located in NY (state, not the city). I think that once a week half-assed therapy is not doing the trick, but I don't know what will. I don't even know what questions I should be asking. I just really want to help my sister and I feel so lost and don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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self.depression
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To Stressed to write or study I feel completely hopeless right now, like truly and completely hopeless. I know it’s near the end of the semester but I do not feel any sort of sense of accomplishment or happiness, not even relief. I feel nothing except stress and anxiety. I find history and museum studies to be the most tedious topics ever and now I actually regret choosing History as my major. It most likely has to do with ALL THE GOD DAMN PAPERS they make us write! If only I had not listened to that lady who said I had a verifiable math disability. It’s because of her (and the results of the actual math disability test) that I chose a major in the liberal arts! I’m just trudging through my classes, not caring anymore. I know I should care and I should work hard but I’m just...I don’t know out of steam maybe? College burnout is a real thing and I’ve been feeling its bite ever since the Spring Semester of my Sophomore year (last semester). I know I’m lazy and I know I procrastinate but I fucking hate writing papers more than I hate math. Combine the fact that I have three papers due this next week (two of which are due Monday) (and I’ve not started on any of them) as well as four finals it’s just to god-damn much! Hell I was practically in tears Thursday in my Museum Studies night class when a girl tells me we have to have this certain amount of papers done by Monday (each paper had a number of points attributed to it and you had to choose which papers you wanted to do and had to make sure it added up to 100%) I was practically having a panic attack, I wanted to scream and cry in frustration Hell I still do! If it wasn’t for this dumbass scholarship that’s allowing me to go to college in the first place without being in loads of student debt I would not be this god-damn stressed out! I’ve been taking two and three extra doses a day of my Clonopin just to keep myself sane!
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self.Anxiety
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Out of options and out of time The main reason I am posting this is because I really feel this is my last chance to say something. I am planning on ending this in the spring, as this is when I will be losing everything. I have been planning this for a while, and it honestly sounds better as time moves forward. I have a perfect plan in execution and have a plan to ensure I can make the most of my last week or so on this planet. I'm afraid if I do not during this time I will be unable to afford that luxury. I pray every night that I can just be killed in my sleep somehow so I don't have to put anyone through knowing that I had to do this. I'm so scared and I don't want to go through this alone but I am completely out of options. I let all my friends go one way or another so they won't have to be around when this happens. I told my family as far as even what my plan was out of anger but I don't nobody took me serious. Now I'm completely alone and I hate it. A part of me still wants to live (or I wouldn't be posting on here), but I feel there's nothing I can do. I'm halfway through college, I have no money for any meds or a psychiatrist, and don't have any health insurance so I can't help myself there. Even if I had a psychiatrist I couldn't be forthright because I don't want to be admitted to a mental facility and lose my autonomy to make this decision. The only thing thats kept me going is school but I'm going to lose that after this spring which is the last thing that I have to live for. I really feel like my plan is primed to carry itself out, but a small part of me doesn't want to go through with it. A part of me is screaming out desperately to help me but I've pushed everyone away that could've helped because I don't want anyone to know what I'm going through. So this is my screaming out to the world and I hope at least someone will listen.
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self.depression
|
Anyone else like to get hammered by themselves It's a shitty way to cope with things but it takes the pain away for a little bit. Anyone else? I know when I do it I end up bawling my eyes out at some point
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self.depression
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I'm at the point where I've kinda given up and accepted that my mental state is just totally /fucked/ but somehow find no comfort in acceptance and only more anxiety. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Why I can't tell anyone about my suicidal thoughts [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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please share with me what you do to feel less depressed hello, i wanted to talk to somebody else that the people i know in real life, i have really good friends, and most of my family supports me but i dont have the courage to talk to them about how i feel, i know they have their own problems they have to deal with and i dont want to put any more pressure than they already have, ive been struggling with this since i was about 10 or 11, i had alot of stress in my life since i work since i was little, i have never had a relationship with someone and im pretty touch starved, but i just want somebody to talk to, because everyday is getting worse, every day i wake up and dont know why should i keep living, keep trying to get my shit together, why do i matter as a person why even keep giving hopes to the people around me, because i am always there when they need me, but i am too ashamed to ask them for help because in my head if i do so i feel like they would see me diferently and not respect me anymore, i just want somebody that i cant talk to at peace, just talk, please
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self.depression
|
my last sleep paralysis experience *disclaimer - I'm not really good at telling a story but i felt like i need/want to share this experience*
So I have always been experiencing sleep paralysis and it doesn't bother me since it always happens and I kind of got used to it. I mastered how to snap out of it.
One night, I decided to sleep and eventually felt groggy and sleepy. Then for some reason I opened my eyes (I'm really groggy that time so I cant really remember why i did) and everything seems to appear like in gray scale, and I suddenly can't move. I panicked a little then I saw a ray of light and thought that this was the moment of my death. I felt relieved. As if I let out a sigh of relief, like finally the end of suffering. I let go, but then I realized that this was sleep paralysis since I can't move(it also reminded me of the sensation) and I snap out of it with disappointment.
(Note that most of the time sleep paralysis occurs to me with my eyes closed. The vision I saw distracted me that I didn't realize immediately that it was have the paralysis)
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self.depression
|
life is moving too fast and too slow i’ve lived with my parents while i went to community college after graduating hs. i didn’t get amazing grades but i’ve gotten one acceptance letter out of the three colleges i applied to transfer to. that’s the good news, and it’s why i feel my life is moving too fast. i feel so young and so old at the same time. like i’ve wasted my teenage life and now i feel like i’m beginning to waste my 20’s too. (i’m 20 currently) i have no idea what to do or even if i’m stable enough to live on my own. i’m so fucking scared because i’ve already told so many people my plans, so i can’t back out of them.
i’ve been crying for the past hour just wallowing in my own pity because what else can i do. i know moving to a different stage in my life should be happy but i’m so scared and i don’t wanna do it anymore. i hate hat i finally was beginning to feel comfortable and now everything is getting overwhelming again. i just wanna pause for a bit. not die, not sleep, just press pause on my life for a week so i can think and ignore shit. i hate that life just goes on ALL THE TIME. it’s so repetitive and exhausting.
i’m just fucking exhausted from being a person.
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self.depression
|
My mom told me she doesnt care about me (long) I've never gone to anyone for help or advice in my life because I've never felt like I had someone to go to so this is awkward for me and I want to keep it short, so this isn't going to be some long story just some sentences that do something I guess. (this part is a lie, I couldnt stop writing)
I've always felt like my mom didnt care about me as much as my siblings. She's always saying I'm going to get rich one day and buy her a house and ingrained that into my brain as a child. As I grew older (now 15) I realized more things like that. I'm the only one of my siblings that actually has REAL chores, she always makes her problems my problems, and since I was a kid I've always felt the need to impress her. As I got older I couldn't keep up with her expectations as now I'm always in my room and keep to myself which shes always feels the need to throw in my face. When I cant keep up with my chores she always tells me how lazy and useless I am even though I'm the only one out of my two siblings that do anything. I will never forget one night when I came home from school and was just so exhausted that I went to sleep. Apparently while I was sleeping she told me to take down the laundry and do it (I have my own laundry basket and that basket she was referring to was the bathroom laundry) obviously I was unconscious and couldnt hear her. So at about 8:00 when she sees the basket still in the hallway, she burst into my room and starts yelling at me about how worthless I am and how I cant even do the laundry, she asked why did she even have children when they cant do anything. I get great grades, I do my homework, I keep my room clean, I try to keep up with my chores, but if I screw up just once, she lets me know. It got to the point where I would genuinely be scared when I heard her steps in the halls because I thought she was going to yell at me about something I didnt do.
2016 she told me we were moving to a new town despite how much I begged her not to. She was stressed and took it out on me every time reminding me how little I did. On my birthday she didn't get me any gifts which I didn't see as much a problem because I understood she needed the money for the move, but she had the money to buy my brother an Xbox One just a few months later. For Christmas she spent at least $80 each on my siblings while I had a $20 PSN gift card hanging on the tree, I don't know why it didn't bother me at the time but looking back on it sucks. I know it's just materialistic things and I dont really care for those things anymore, but treat you children equally.
A year later now that we were in a much better financial situation and moved into a new house I assumed everything would get better which it kinda did. She didn't burst out yelling at me as much but it still happened time to time. So now that my 15 birthday was coming up I wasn't really excited and I didn't know why. I felt awkward asking for anything just because over the years I didnt really receive much. I just generalized thing I would have liked to receive but nothing specific. When my birthday came around I once again didn't receive a gift. I thought it was going to be a surprise or something simple like going to a restaurant or something so I waited. The next day, nothing, maybe one more day? Nothing. And as days turned to weeks I realized I wasn't going to get anything. It may not seem like a big deal but when you see your siblings receiving things all the time and you get nothing, it really sucks. For a while I blamed myself thinking it was my fault for not being specific enough, but come on, at least buy your kid some McDonalds or something, anything at all really. What really got me pissed though was just the next week, she took my sister shopping and spent $150 on clothes while I'm sitting here with the same 8 outfits I've had since 8th grade. Since then I learned if you never ask for anything, which I never do, you'll never owe anyone anything, so hey I guess it's a bit of a learning experience?
For a few months after that I tried not to care, and I cant describe it in words because this was years of being kicked down over and over again (metaphorically btw, she never hit me), so eventually you learn that if you dont care about somebody, they cant hurt you. This worked for a while but it was obvious to everyone in the house that I was being cold. I wouldnt talk or eat much, I'd NEVER ask for anything from anybody and I still dont to this day no matter what it is. Her one sided yelling at me turned into mutual arguments. She never realized how many times I walked into my room and just cried. I'd cry in the middle of the day and continue like nothing happened, I'd cry in the morning just before I got out of bed, I cried myself to sleep. I was crying because I knew how much I was being physiologically fucked and there was nothing I could do about it, this is how I will be my whole life, I wont get the chance to experience of feeling loved.
One day after some stupid argument I went into my room and cried like usual but this time I didnt close my door and she came in. She said that she was going to kill herself. In the moment I hated myself for being a terrible child, like it was my fault, like I was the bad guy, I felt like shit, but now that I had time to sit and think about it, HOW THE HELL are you going to tell your child that it's THEIR fault that you want to die?? That ate me up for weeks and now not only was my mom putting me down, I was putting myself down. I've learned that if you put a smile on your face and pretend your happy, nobody will question why your sad. I do this all the time and I dont even try anymore, it's just an instinct to smile in every and any situation.
Quick side story shortly after we moved into the house. We got a dog. She loved the dog when her boyfriend (technically my stepdad at this point) was around. She used to take out her anger on er boyfriend all the time and I was always the ONLY one in the house who would defend him, she used to get mad when I did but I couldnt help it, I understood exactly how he felt. Eventually they decided to take a break from each other because too many arguments and he moved to Florida for the winter. I didn't realize how much I cared about the guy but when I heard he left I was extremely sad. Now with him gone, she turned to the dog. If you dont want to continue on I understand, skip the next paragraph because it gets really messed up.
This is the part where my "not caring" turned into hate. First she moved the dog from her room to the basement. A couple of times he would poop in the basement because we were at school and couldnt take him out obviously. She would build up anger for days and wait for the perfect excuse (the dog poop) for a release. She *hit* the fucking dog, not once, not twice, but every god damn time he pooped. It wasnt even discipline I was just her releasing anger. This truly fucking broke me. I was ok with her yelling at me, but the dog, he's defenseless, she was just pure evil. It got to the point where she build a wall of all the junk we had in the basement to lock him in a corner so he wouldnt poop anymore. I'm shaking just writing this part. I can tell you that it happened a lot when I was in the house, but I cannot tell you how much that dog when through when I was at school. One day when I heard her hit him from my room and hearing his whimper I just couldnt take it anymore, I ran downstairs and we got into one of the biggest arguments ever, which ended with her saying "I'm the mother of this house, if you have a problem, you can move to the streets and see how long you last" I moved him to the front porch with a little cardboard house, his bed, and his toys, she wouldnt go in there because she was scared there were mice.
He eventually got ticks and lime disease and after taking him to the vet after my sister begged her, she didnt allow him in the house anymore and he couldnt stay outside as much like he used to. He needed extersize, he was a growing dog. One day, he broke a screen in the porch and got out into the woods overnight. He was attacked by a porcupine and had the quills in his nose. We took him to a vet but because my mom didnt want to pay she left him there. The vets saw how sad I was when we left and called her and said we could have him back, she said no. She PROMISED me that she would tell me about what was going to happen to him but yet I heard this over a phone call she had with a friend a week later. How can I trust anyone, when I cant even trust my own mother? I never told her I knew. She took away my family when we moved to a new state, she took away my friends when we moved to a new town, she took away the closest thing I had to a father figure I've had in years, and now she took away my dog. I guess it was for the best, hopefully he has a better home.
Just a couple months later (present day) we are moving again. She acts like it's a surprise we cant afford the house despite the fact that I did the math and told her 2 years ago that we wouldn't be able to. The stress has gotten to her again and guess who shes been taking it out on. The reason I made this is because an hour ago she told me she doesnt care about me. I've been thinking about posting this forever now so here it is. I know in the beginning I said it was going to be short but I kinda just started writing and well look what I've gone and did. I was going to ask for help but writing this and sharing it for at least someone else to see has felt good enough. If you read this far, thank you and goodbye.
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self.depression
|
I hate taking medications for my mental disorder Early last year I was diagnosed with pretty severe OCD with comorbidities of generalized anxiety and depression. Since then I’ve been prescribed Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Prozac—none of them have worked so far, even up to 200mg and taking all of them for several months each. My doctor suggested that I start taking Xanax next week, and my therapist agrees.
I can’t keep taking meds. I feel fake when I’m on them, it’s my biggest fear to develop some kind of dependency on the drugs. I’ve never abused any kind of substances and I don’t think I will but the fear is always at the back of my mind. It scares me to death that I need to ingest chemicals just to make me feel normal and think normal thoughts. In my head, I wasn’t born with the chemicals I need and that’s the universe’s way of telling me that I’m not going to last. I don’t want to have to take meds every day for the rest of my life just to feel something, and at this point even at my highest dosage I’m still not getting better, so why would it? Obviously if this isn’t working it’s just time for me to give up. I’m so fucking sick of being told that I need these pills to live a normal life, I’m so close to throwing them out and waiting until I waste away.
Edit: TDLR; I hate taking antidepressants and I’m *this* close to throwing them out and waiting to die
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self.offmychest
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I want to kill myself right now I'm 23 years old, suffered from depression about 10 years now.
I've had severe anxiety about everything and everyone for about 5 years now. I can't even go in my own backyard without fear of someone seeing me. I can't hold down a job, I focus too much on my mistakes and I can't see ways to fix them so I quit the jobs/get fired because I can't do them or even show up for them.
I'm a pathological liar, I lie about everything because it's easier than telling the truth. I don't feel guilt or anything in the moment when I lie, just the fear and anxiety that causes the lie in the first place.
I've tried to kill myself when I was 18. I was put into inpatient twice (last one was voluntary) I've been to therapy twice. I can't do anything right and everything has gotten worse and worse these past few years. I ***want*** to get better but how can I? I just keep failing again and again and repeating my same old mistakes. I can't run from my problems because my problem is **myself!**
I don't know what to do. Should I check myself back to inpatient? Go back to therapy? I can't even really afford either of those. I'm still $2000+ in debt from the last time I checked myself into the hospital to get to inpatient. And therapy around here is so expensive too, even the cheapest options. I really want to kill myself right now. Please help me, I need advice.
I'm so tired.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Tired of feeling sick I just need to rant about this for a while, I’m getting sick of it. I’ve been feeling sick for about a month now, I’ve had tension headaches, a persistent cough for 2 weeks, diarrhea, loss of appetite, now chest pain and tiredness as well. I’ve been to more doctors in the past two weeks than I usually go the whole year but no one can help me. I’ve had 3 EKGs and a full course of antibiotics but nothing changes it. I’m just so tired of feeling sick, it’s making me fall apart especially when there’s a new symptom every single week. I just want to feel normal again, is that too much to ask?
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self.offmychest
|
These annoying kids in the movie!!! Tonight, my cousins, my dad, and I decided to see the new Star Wars movie. The theatre was packed because it’s the day after Christmas and everyone just wants to get out of the house.
We sit down and this family behind us has these two kids with them, and they will not shut the hell up. I thought that once the movie actually started it would stop.
Nope, they kept on having their kid conversations with each other. Shouting out random stuff, making noises and just generally talking through some of the most important parts.
The parents kept telling them to shush but it does nothing. One of the kids kept kicking my cousins seat. Every time they got up to do something it disturbed us.
Why do parents bring their kids to the movies if the kids don’t know or understand how to behave in a public setting like a movie theatre?
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self.offmychest
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Anyone else have a parent with strong tooth enamel and bipolar ... and had the same symptoms in themselves.
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self.bipolar
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chest pain...even when not feeling anxious Starting about a month ago, I started experiencing some chest pain fairly regularly, mostly on the left side of my sternum. A few weeks ago, after having a panic attack from worrying about the chest pain, I went to an urgent care clinic where they took and EKG and a chest x-ray and everything came back fine. They said it was either a musculoskeletal problem or just anxiety.
I've dealt with some anxiety in the past, though my problem is more with depression than anxiety. I saw my PCP who also said everything seemed fine and have started talking with a social worker every week. I'm feeling a lot less anxious lately, but I'm still getting the same/similar chest pain, usually anywhere from dull to sharp that only lasts for a second or two. Despite 3 doctors telling me everything's fine, I can't seem to convince myself that it's okay. Does anyone have some advice for dealing with it? My anxiety lately has largely been from the chest pain...which is likely giving me more chest pain... so I feel trapped.
Thanks in advance.
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self.Anxiety
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Alcohol cures my anxiety temporarily I have to admit that I'm drunk out of my mind while I'm writing this. But I haven't felt more calm and stable in a long time. I'm not doubting myself. I see things clearly. I feel like I can actually be productive. My brain isn't racing to the next negative thing. Maybe alcohol is the solution. I know this sounds wrong. But alcohol is literally the only thing that seems to help me live my life
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self.Anxiety
|
It’s almost over I’m sitting here across from a loaded gun ready to take my own life tonight. I don’t know how it came to this, I don’t know the way forward, doesn’t seem like there is one. I’m so conflicted, nothing id going how I want, I can’t handle my emotions at this point...I’m completely losing control of myself. It feels like I don’t even make my own decisions anymore. Anyways, help me if you’d like to try i do like talking...but I doubt anything will improve my state, I seem to have some sort of seriously detramental mental conditioning I’ve developed over my life that’s not going to go away. Do I even want it to go away? I don’t know anymore I don’t know anything anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Is this Anxiety? Or an urge to do well? Thought I would post this in here. Really curious. Recently (I'm 18 btw) I have noticed a funny feeling in my gut almost 24/7. I feel like I'm procrastinating for something, but I don't know what. I feel bad if I sit at home after college and don't do anything productive. I feel bad if I don't hit up a girl or if I have no plans for the weekend. I don't know if this is anxiety from wanting to succeed or just that I have an urge/desire to constantly improve my life.
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self.Anxiety
|
Did anyone else not struggle with meds? So I'm feeling a wee bit paranoid
I'm doing a lot better now, I'm taking lithium and latuda and I've reached a certain dose that seems to be working well for me
But now I'm wondering... is it the meds or me? Don't most people struggle with finding the right cocktail?
So am I really reacting to them or am I just better?
But then don't people think that and stop, only to find out nope, it was the meds??
I still don't fully accept my diagnosis, since my psych seemed checked out and my caseworker is kind of garbage. I keep asking for a recommendation so I can get a second opinion but they aren't giving me one. That sketches me out.
Anyway, is there anyone who found the right mixture almost right off the bat?
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self.bipolar
|
Ending it Tonight Hey everyone,
I have 0 friends, a family that barely likes me, and my girlfriend has just passed before the holidays. I feel alone, I'm ready to go. Theres no one for me to write a note for really. So I'm just leaving this here. If I can give any final advice to anyone before I go: things don't get better.
See you all later.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm way too scared I don't want to live anymore, everyone on this earth just hurts me and I shouldn't stay here any longer. I'm way too scared to take action and liberate myself from this painful horrible world. I don't want to see any therapists because they are also monsters and don't deserve my money. I don't deserve to be in the hands of this evil world.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
In need of a depression buddy. F23 Anyone want to be depression buddies? Preferably female
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self.depression
|
I just got brought to my campus security office out of the blue. Sitting in the library. Working on assignments as usual. And a campus peace office approaches me and wants to talk about some of the concerning things I've been saying.
It all is happening so fast. I'm just in a room talking to some mental health police officers. Everything about today just changed so suddenly.
I'm so scared. In terrified of the change that's going to happen next. And yet I'm comfortable. I feel safe. I feel like I've been saved. I feel like it'll all be OK with tine.
But bloody hell is this one of the most terrifying things to ever have happened to me.
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self.depression
|
stuck in a meaningless life I am a 34 male, been in serious depression on and off for quite a while because mostly of my way of thinking doesn't really work with this society...
Its been at least 3 years now that I literally stuck and just don't know what to do with myself, I can't stand barely any kind of job more than 30 hours a week (I loathe when its become dull and mundane), its very hard for me to find any kind of activity outside of computer than keep my interest more than a spur of the moment that rarely last more than 1 or 2 months.
So I'm at this point of life, I'm looking forward and all I see is nothing, nothing than seem interesting enough in any kind of part of my life.
I have talked to professional about this fact of I cant deal with having a job and the consensus is I have a personality disorder, trouble of adaptation, trouble with respecting "authority", avoidance disorder, and I feel like that most of what they say is resume to "suck it up, life work this way, there nothing you can really change about it, you have to work to live. I cant just give disability just because you say you can't work." I just want to bash them, I feel like they don't understand my problem.
I have been doing several thing to find what I could do professionally, there were very very few thing and those thing were MAYBE, MAYBE, thing I could find interesting doing, but were very very niche and needed several years of university.
*point 1. find a stupid boring ass job that pay you nothing, so its become almost impossible to do anything other than survive with this low salary and job that barely value their workers
I'm not interested, this sucks!
*Point 2. find activities or hobbies that will catch my brain, the problem here is indirect to point 1, since I dont really have any money, well its very hard to do any kind of activity, most require few hundred to try them for 3 month which I think is usually enough to see if you like them or not.
*Point 3. Emotional loneliness, this is the hardest point to "cure", I never had any kind of relationship, its can show through my non verbal way of being clingy to people, needy, somewhat desperate to some degree, for me I can be "pleased" quite easily, so its hard for me to find someone for love and not just someone to fill my holes. And its directly related to point 1 and 2, no money, I dont go out, I dont go out I dont meet.
Dont be shy to post your questions
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self.depression
|
Being in Public Actually Helps my Anxiety I know for most people being out in public only worsens anxiety. however It's helped me stay calm during attacks and keep grounded. I also get anxious by myself so that could be a factor. I think the best thing is it forces me to not freak out and hyperventilate because I always try to blend in in public. So now when I have an attack I go sit in a public space that still gives me space to collect myself and thoughts. Does anyone else find public spaces help anxiety?
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self.Anxiety
|
My health is killing me I’ve been chronically ill for months. It’s taken a serious mental toll on me. Waiting for insurance in January to get better but it’s been so damn long. Have several symptoms of having a heart attack soon, but would rather die than deal with bankruptcy. Was considering taking my life tonight (have on many nights) but called someone to talk me down. Also I would have to get up to do that causing major heart palpitations, chest pain, etc. could all be stress/panic disorder. That alone is scarier than popping a bunch of pills. I just need some damn tests to see what’s going on. I just wanna end being so fucking sick always. I don’t care too much about living. I’m actually pretty calm right now. There’s so much I could say, but my user history is better for that. I’d like to make it to January without offing myself (January is a whole new set of struggles, but I could check myself into a hospital if need be). I’m only 21.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Fast forward time. Depressingly, for years, I've just wanted to be able to fast forward time. When I was a kid first watching Star Trek, I got this impression that the future just was a better place. That no matter what happened, the future would be more progressive and have better technology and people would be better behaved etc. I think this gave me the concept that my own future, also, would be a better place. For this reason, I'm constantly finding myself thinking thoughts like "I just wish I could fast forward to the end of the week." I wish that I could just close my eyes and have life fast forward around me and wake up on the other side still having done things throughout the week but not remember spending any of the time. I always feel like the time right around the corner is going to be a better spot for me mentally or financially or whatever. The truth is, though, it's usually just the same. No matter what I do, it still is going to have to take time to fix my problems. Even if I had a time machine, in still stuck in my own head with no way to get out. Besides death, I suppose. And while I don't want to kill myself, sometimes I wish I could just fast forward to that too.
All well. Drama drama drama. In reality, every future is going to have its flaws. Loosing time won't help.
---
I'm so glad Reddit has so much support for the various problems people experience. Especially these common ones like anxiety and depression. I've been lurking here for a while now and am finally starting to post some and that's actually really helpful. Recently some of my IRL support structure has began to crumble and this is a great supplement for some of that. I just wanted to say thanks. :)
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self.Anxiety
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Suicide Maybe (NSFW) I'm writing this down simply because I want to more clearly view my thoughts. Even though if someone found out what I was writing it wouldn't matter that much, it's not like they know me in real life.
So, I've been thinking. Is there an easy way to kill yourself? I know that there are multiple ways to do so: strangulation; drowning; gunfire; poison; falling; cutting; just to list a few. But what I'm actually looking for is something that will get rid of me instantly, something that will keep me from second guessing. It's a real problem I have with only this one task. usually I follow through with anything I need to do but somehow this is different. It's funny when you think about it. I've never been so sure about wanting to do something in my entire life but when I hold a knife in my hands it's like something is keeping me from ending it all. I've been to a therapist, they diagnosed me with sever anxiety but I was able to somewhat hide the extent of my depression; After all, I didn't want to be dragged out into the lime light anyway. I should've been more careful, if I hadn't broke down in school I would probably be in a more secure state of mind and they never would have found out - which means that I probably would've never written this down in the first place. (butterfly effect) A change just happened in my mind. One of those (lucid) moments as most people would probably call it. I don't really know how to describe it. One moment I feel like I was asking for help on how to end my life, but then something just washed over me. Now I want to ask for help on how to save it. God I'm so fucking stupid. I don't even know why I'm typing this, it's just another way for someone to stop me from doing whatever I need to do. Maybe I'm subconsciously asking for help? I don't really know but it's a good guess. I need to better learn how to hide my emotions, I've gotten the mimicking part down. Laughter, smiling, anger, fear, I can act out pretty much all of those. but for some reason I can't be sad. I can't fake cry or frown, it just turns into a massive pit of boredom in my stomach. It's interesting. Maybe I'm psychotic, that could explain a few things. I'm pretty sure it would put quite a few people at ease for that diagnosis to be put upon me. Maybe one day they'll be happy knowing that I'm either gone or (Fixed). Do they still do lobotomies? I always thought that would be an interesting way to go out. To live your days as an empty shell. I just looked it up and yes they still do lobotomies. How fortunate for me.
(I'm writing this as a warning. I think you should try your hardest to save yourself, try to keep yourself safe. These thoughts are just my own. When you've been dealing with them for more then half your life you can easily talk about stuff normally as if it's no big deal. Don't let my thoughts affect you in any way.)
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self.SuicideWatch
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Extreme Fear of driving - need to find ways to cope Hey guys,
So I'm not sure how common the problem is but I have an extreme anxiety of driving. I'm 23, I don't hold a drivers license yet but it would be useful to get one just for convenience.
I'm a fully qualified pilot however and flying recreationally is something I do very often so at least I know I can handle some form of transport (or at least I tell myself that).
I wonder if there are any tips to deal with it. Every time I try to sit behind the wheel, makes me feel like I'm going to pass out. I've tried therapy so far but I'm not getting anywhere.
Any tips would be appreciated.
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self.Anxiety
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i'm 14 and i just tried to kill myself 2 hours ago I don't know how to start this. But here it goes I guess. (just to catch you all up: i was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety, etc. etc. I have an abusive, pot smoking mom with BPD and a disabled 4 yrd old sister. Dad's not here, never has been.)
I tried to kill myself, as evident from the title. But clearly I'm not too bright cause 400mg of lexapro can't actually kill you. As I just learned because I finally have access to the Internet. Which fucking sucks 'cause killing myself would have been the biggest comeback to my "mother." Basically the reason why I downed the pills is because I'm fucking done. I'm tired of being screamed and hit by someone who is supposed to be there for me. And she knows what I'm like, she knows I'm suicidal! And yet she still calls me a pig, disgusting, rotten, a slob, everything else in the book and I'm just so, so exhausted with it. so i took my meds that i've hoarding for the past for weeks and well, swallowed them. But obviously it didnt work and I'm probably not going to die at all so that just means I have to get more.. creative.
Before I thought I wouldn't be able to kill myself, I always thought I was too much of a coward, but today was so relieving? 'Cause now I know I can do it. I can kill myself without hesitating. Honestly, I've probably never been more proud of myself. Yeah, I'm not going to die right now but at least I know I have the guts to just off myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I've already given up. I think I've come to this realization that I've honestly already given up. I'm just floating through life waiting to either die or for me to do something exceptionally stupid again that makes me kill myself, and I don't want to do anything even remotely uncomfortable or difficult in the mean time. I just want to stay home and play video games and rot until my day is done. If my parents would let me, I would become a full blown hikkikomori/shut in. It's not like I'm wasting potential either. I'm so laughably stupid that I'm not even good at the things I like. Trying to get good at my hobbies, let alone actual life skills, is pointless and a waste of time.
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self.SuicideWatch
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So far gone I don't know what to do. I have become a complete waste of who I once was. I am siting here writing to internet strangers my reason for being so depressed I screamed today until I became too hoarse to talk. I just had yet another in a long line lately of breakdowns. Each one makes me feel less and less where now all I feel is I am not worthy to even keep going. That's not really rue, I have not felt worthy to even live for a long time now.
I am in my mid 40s and pretty much have been a waste my entire life. I had brief spurts of success that I would always end up sabotaging due to my own inability to take responsibility for my own life.
Here I am now so far into debt I can't even think about it or it makes me suicidal. The house I bought when my life was going well has been lived in by a renter longer than I ever did and I can neither move back there nor sell it because outside the small amount I get from them in rent that mostly goes to a mortgage on a house I don't live in, is not enough for me to leave this place.
The person I met when I lived in my house I got into a relationship with. I don't want to go into my orientation or gender but go ahead and assume, everyone does anyway online.
I had been working at the same job for years when I met them but I had been so burnt out a therapist actually wanted to diagnose me with major anxiety and such. I pretty much used them as an excuse to escape the job I hated which eventually lead me to lose that job. Being unable to find a replacement int he city I lived in I moved with my partner across country to a part of the country that was the opposite of everything I grew up knowing and believed in.
I managed to get a new job fairly quickly and was starting to make a name for myself all these while my partner and I guess me as well grew some plants that were not exactly legal. Back track a bit, my partner has a scary temper. The kind you are terrified of seeing or at least I am. My cowardliness meant I rarely confronted them on anything I was not comfortable with. Well they carelessly texted and bragged about their grow which meant, yup ended up getting caught.
3 years later after a really traumatic ordeal and probation, horrible court dates, and more money than I care to discuss being spent on lawyers and court fees, I end up losing my job (actually lost it a few days after getting arrested) and have not held a job since.
I am now living in their parent's house helping to take care of their elderly father who can't or won't control his insulin but overall is a nice man that has kept me from being homeless. It is hard being in a non relationship - relationship with someone you secretly blame for you hitting rock bottom but at the same time blame yourself for getting there.
I have no idea what to do or how to get out of this situation. It feels like a combination of Stockholm syndrome and purgatory and all I think anymore is the things I will never see again before I die.
I try my hardest to deal with this but when you have lost all your friends, your only family member (my brother) lived all the way across country and I have no spoken to him in years now, every family member I ever cared about has passed away, and I have lost hope of improving my life... well I can't help but contemplate suicide all the time. Obviously I fail at that as well or I would not be here typing this.
I just have gone so far down I don't even know what to do anymore. I guess screaming at the top of my lungs is the closest thing to therapy I have.
I don't expect anything but contempt from anyone reading this but if you do read this thank you for at least being another human being to hear me. I don't expect or deserve sympathy, I just needed to put this to words before I pass on.
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self.depression
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I'm a straight male who is into a lesbian. All throughout high school and middle school I had crippling social anxiety to the point where I never really talked to anyone for more than 5 minutes and didn't have any friends except for one best friend. I'm in college now, second year, and somehow I was lucky enough when I got here to live with a group of people who I could really relate to, care about me, and accept me as a friend. I've known them now for a year and a half and this is the first time I've had a real relationship with a group of people.
I love all of them platonically, but for one girl in the group, I think I feel something more. She's extremely caring and considerate and she goes out of her way to make others feel better because she also didn't have friends before and she wants to be as good a friend as possible I guess. She's gone through a lot so I try my best to always make sure she's happy or at least not upset. I get really happy whenever she smiles and I'm always excited when I know that she's gonna be there if we ever do anything as a group. I love talking to her about anything especially when she's really passionate about something, I love listening to her talk about it. I guess I've felt like this with girls before but they've never actually given affection back. She trusts me and she says we are like family to her more than her actual family.
I found out this year that she's "90% lesbian" (what she said). She's a lot more close with the girls in the group. For example, she doesn't actively want to hang out with the guys, but she will join if there is already a girl with us, there are no other girls around, or if we invite her, but she will actively hang out with the girls. I haven't really made it obvious or known that I like her since it would make things weird in the group and because it's not like she'll like me back... For some reason I've held on to the hope that maybe that "10%" of straight she says she has will give me a chance but last night we got drunk (she didn't) and the conversation led to her saying that she has 0 feelings for any man.
I'm really happy being her friend and I don't want that to change but it still makes me kind of frustrated knowing that the first girl I really liked and have a real relationship with is impossible to get. Also, I'm still extremely awkward and socially anxious (I don't even know how I ended up making friends with these guys, it just kind of happened) so I don't have a chance with anyone outside the group either. I'm working on it but it's really hard for me to socialize with anyone outside the group, and there's no one that I know that is as great as this girl.
I don't know if this is the right sub for this, sorry if it isn't. Just wanted to get it off my chest.
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self.offmychest
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Worried about my best friend My friend has been going through a lot lately. She broke up with her boyfriend, that same boyfriend has been sucking all the hope and positivity away from her, not to mention most of her friends as well. She's fallen into a depression, it seems. Yesterday she sent me a text that said: "I can't take it anymore. I need to do something." This made me shit bricks. I haven't heard from her today. I am honestly frightened. I need insight.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Suicidal thoughts are back and I think I'm gonna do it soon Help
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self.depression
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Constantly counting down the time until I leave for work. So for example : Yesterday I worked at 1pm. From the moment I wake up I am thinking 'OK I have two hours until I need to leave. Ok 45 minutes' and the closer it gets - the more anxious I become. I have no issue being at work. It is the idea of leaving and getting there that makes me anxious. It's bad to the point of I'm making up excuses just to be 10 minutes late. Does anyone else experience this?
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone else's depression get worse around the holidays? With the holiday season in full swing I am finding it harder every day to keep going. This has been getting progressively worse for me every year here recently. Thanksgiving and Christmas just remind me I am 34 and single. Visiting with the family becomes super stressful. I know my parents want the best for me, but their pressure/desire to see me do well and me knowing full and well that I'm a loser just kills me. This year is going to be even worse because I lost a great job due too depression and am still unemployed. Thanksgiving was hell for me. I made the mistake of car pooling with my parents to my brother's house. It turned into a 3 hour grilling of what am I doing, why I lost my job, why don't I have a girlfriend? I'm seriously considering just skipping Christmas this year. The only real reason I want to visit is because of my brother. He is my only real friend and I hardly ever get to see him.
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self.depression
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I don't even know what to think anymore. I don't know if this belongs in suicide watch. I don't want to commit suicide, but I think my friend might have just done so. I guess I'll know for sure in a few days, when he doesn't contact me. He was or is severely depressed. I'm not going to talk about all of his issues here, because there are a lot of them. The only relevant information for now is that he is or was suicidal, that I've talked him out of suicide before, and he didn't have a lot of friends. I was one of his only friends, and he is or was also one of mine.
Two nights ago we were talking on the phone about our relationships. I told him that I once told my [current] boyfriend that I loved him but that he didn't say that he loved me back. He told me that he was once in a relationship with a girl and the same thing happened, and that it made him lose interest in her, sort of insinuating that that same thing might happen to me. He was trying to give me advice, I guess. I started crying. He didn't exactly know that I would have reacted the way I did, but then again that isn't really the type of thing you say to someone if you're trying to help them with something. I told him that I needed some time alone and hung up.
Now, I have a problem with being confident in relationships. Long story short, I've dated some shitty people and people who made me feel insecure, guilty, and generally badly about myself (and I'm sure most of you can understand or have experienced what I'm talking about). Because of that I've felt really insecure about a lot of my relationships, not just the romantic/sexual ones. The guy I'm dating now is a total sweetheart and we've been dating for almost 9 months now, but in the beginning of the relationship I was really scared about losing him because I can get really emotional at times. A month or so ago I finally started to feel more confident about this relationship because it's lasted so long.
So, after I hung up on my friend (and went to sleep, because it was night time), he sent me a bunch of messages saying that he was sorry, he didn't mean it, etc. I know that he didn't mean to hurt me, even though he didn't use the best advice. When I woke up, I told him that I would talk to him for a few days because I was angry about what he said, but that he shouldn't be afraid of losing me as a friend. I just needed some time to "recuperate," essentially. Last night he messaged me again, saying that he was 'leaving," and that he was sorry. From talking to him before when he was like this I knew that he meant that he was going to kill himself. Then he blocked me and deactivated his account before I could reply.
Not too long ago, he activated his account I guess, because he started talking to me again. He said that the way he said goodbye last night wasn't the proper way to go. Then he sent a few long messages that all boiled down to him not wanting to need people anymore when they didn't need him. He said that hurting me was essentially the tipping point. Then he blocked me again, and hasn't talked to me since.
If my reaction to what he said was his tipping point, I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself. On the other hand, what he said really did hurt me. It's going to take everything in me to convince myself that it wouldn't be my fault if he killed himself, and even then I don't know if it will be enough. Does this mean that I should be completely selfless and not be offended when people deeply hurt my feelings? I don't even know if this is me being "offended" or if it's more me just being scared and hurt. And now I feel awful for making this post about myself, when it should be about my friend possibly just committing suicide. I don't even know what to think anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone still depressed no matter what they do? I go out five or six nights a week, work full time, have sex yet I still feel hollow. Thought I just needed a few things but I’m depressed no matter what.
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self.depression
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I fucking hate that I hate everything. I hate how we are guided by emotions, not logic. That I see the evil in everyone when I'm depressed even though they are good people. How I expect people to love me for who I am even though I'm an antisocial piece of shit who looks like he wants to murder everyone. I hate that I think everyone should be unhappy. I hate that I see the whole world as my enemy because I know that when I was happy I used to love people. I used to care for people. And the world looked beautiful.
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self.depression
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i have no real future because of social services (they were also sued) idk if this belongs here... [deleted]
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self.depression
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Over Christmas I called and e-mailed Samaritans Hello,
I’ve been dealing with depression and other stuff for a while now. Like many, it’s hard to talk about.
I’ve had CBT and SRT but neither has been great. Not to say it doesn’t work, it might for you.
Anyway. Last year was my third Christmas alone and it usually doesn’t get to me that bad. Down for a bit and then I try to fill the day or offer to help anyone out.
For some reason it hit hard this time. I think some of it was my team at work being so shocked that someone would be alone. I didn’t want to explain why do I laughed and shrugged it off.
It took about an hour for me to call the Samaritans. For those who don’t know, they’re a charity you can call and talk to, they don’t offer medical help or influence you. They just ask open ended questions.
When I called it was busy. Took that as a sign but a little while later, after thinking about something I’d previously done, I sent an e-mail.
They got back to me a few hours later and probably exchanged four emails.
Like I say, they just ask you questions about why you might feel a certain way and such.
It was good to have someone to vent to, I don’t have close friends so I couldn’t invite someone round and drop it on them.
I explained that I’m not afraid of dying.
I’ve done some okay things at a relatively young age and also lost a lot.
The thing I mentioned earlier, the previous thing I’d done was attempted to overdose on painkillers and antidepressants.
I woke up in awful pain, doubled over and no idea where I was (on my living room floor). I threw up and it felt like fire. It took a while before I fully came around and had a clear mind. Still doubled over and maybe crying but clear. I’d tried to do something and now my body was making me pay.
After talking that through with a stranger I felt weird but less so than if I’d told a friend. A stranger isn’t going to know me or see me everyday.
There’s no end to this post, I still feel pretty awful. Hiding it has been hard but I genuinely feel that charities like Samaritans are good for those in need. I don’t know the name or gender or age or location of the person I spoke to.
No I didn’t have an epiphany and now love life.
But I spoke to someone and they listened.
You can talk to them and they will listen.
Cheers.
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self.depression
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Freaking out over possible overdose In a fit of anger I sliced up my wrists and took 7 tylneol, and I took 2 last night. They were extra strength and I took probably 4500 mg. I regret it but I don't want to go to the hospital for nothing. I'm just trying to calm down but I'm freaking out it's been a hour and I feel very ill but it's probably me being a hypochondriac. Am I ok. I'm at 19 year old girl so idk if that matters
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self.SuicideWatch
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I am a worthless piece of shit and i will never be loved or needed by anyone I dont even know why am I writing this. It just feels good to share my thoughts and this Is the only place where i can
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self.depression
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I don’t want to get things worse I feel like I’m drowning in the pitch. I have the lump in my throat for most of the time. I don’t want to stop resisting suicidal thoughs but it’s getting worse.
I don’t want to strain with this my friends and family. It feels like they could fall apart like me.
I’m a teenager, text me if you think you can help somehow.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Idk how long I can keep this up. I'm working, but I donno how much longer I will be able to. I have zero consistency at the moment--good day or bad day depends, and could happen at any point. I've been showing up late, leaving early. Feeling incredibly ill while I'm there, this dense heavy feeling in the chest. I want to quit, but I don't know how I will survive. I can barely afford my apartment as is; can't move in with my partner as living together has not gone well in the past. Can't move home because my parents don't get it--the extensiveness of what is happening to me. Have considered applying for disability but really don't want to go down a long government road. I feel trapped. Any advice?
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self.bipolar
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Hear me out. If your none black, your depression is kind of a knockoff. Honestly, I just got accidentally sucked into that negative side that taunts the flaws of my race and had to pull my self away from it. The reminder is brutal and will never change. With the constant news, I believe we're the joke of the earth now, if not existences. Why and what did god put us here for if we can't contribute? Why are we so unlucky and diagnosed with limited intelligence, where's other groups are fully evolved? I'm tired of seeing my people un-progress, it fucks with my sleep. I wish we could build and manage our own shit instead of having it given to us. I just wish, we weren't constantly put on the stage just as idealess false creations as the world laugh in tears. I just want it to end.. Take me away.
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self.depression
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Has Anyone Else ODed on Lithium? Was there lasting damage? I don’t know, have just not felt well since. Like I messed up my kidneys.
Symptoms (In order of appearance)
*severe fatigue
* high blood pressure (had always been around 110/60, now 130/80)
*flushing
*urinary retention
*diarrhea
I’ve talked to both my pdoc & GP, but they don’t seem concerned. What bothers me most is the blood pressure. I know I have risk factors; family history & smoker, but it started right after I was released from regular hospital to psych hospital, along with everything else pretty much.
Just worried. I’m a bit of a hypochondriac though...
Has anyone else damaged their kidneys? How did you find out? What symptoms did you have?
Thanks, friends <3
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self.bipolar
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How could I deal with breathing anxiety? I constantly worry about breathing wrong and feeling different body sensations when I breath in. I feel like i have to tale cobtrol because my mind forgot how to breath properly which is stupid. I started to just let it go and whatever I feel like I try to accept it assuming whatever I feel is normal.
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self.Anxiety
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Rant on my life.. I don't know where to start. I feel like the sanest and craziest person at the same time. Any negative experiences I've had I somewhat make light of. People have had far worse troubles so who am I to complain? I know what it's like to have mental illness from family members as well as personal experience. I feel like all the things I used to take joy in are lost. I have failed to reclaim these feelings I used to have. As an atheist I feel like we create our own purpose. I am struggling to find mine. There are things I used to be heavily interested in, such as art and music, but I have lost interest in just about everything at this point. I don't know the point of this post. I just wanted to vent I guess. I have been with my husband for 9 years..married for about 4 of those. I think I knew long before we married that he was not the one. I just never thought I could have or deserve that to think that I should wait. I met someone who wasn't abusive, seemed to respect me, and wanted to keep seeing me. I went with it. It felt good to be with someone responsible for a change. The only other "loves" I'd known were abusive or addicts. I consider myself an addict as well. I didn't start out that way but it has slowly reared it's head. I find myself drinking myself into oblivion to escape the disappointments in my life. Don't be like me. I have 2 younger brothers that I believe struggle with alcoholism (it runs in the family) but the youngest of the 2 is worse off. I know he was addicted to pain pills at some point and most assuredly moved on to harder drugs in the same vein. I also have been addicted to pain meds and know they are not easy to get off of. Again, I don't know why I'm posting. I have been having a difficult time for a while now. I used to fight with my husband over lack of intimacy. I started drinking every night after I would get off of work to cope. My mentally unstable, alcoholic, transient mother having a crises every other week didn't help. I enabled her habit when she asked me to because I didn't want to turn her down and make her feel bad or upset. My father's partner died from cancer a year ago. He drank even more to cope and wound up in the hospital after a withdrawal seizure. I was there for him but wondered how I could help him long-term when I have so much trouble helping myself. In a nutshell, I am unhappy and have been for a long time. I have horrible anxiety and try to avoid doing anything that would trigger that, which is just about anything that involves me leaving my house. My husband stopped going to work when I lost my job at the beginning of the year. He already called in a lot and after I had found a new job he was fired from his. I took this job because he worked at the same place and we could ride together (we were down to one vehicle since mine started acting up). No point in working there other than $$ and I'm stuck at another job I hate while my significant other sleeps in and plays video games all day. No exaggeration...ALL DAY. I am fed up with life. I feel stuck because we pay mortgage on a home that requires both our incomes. Not only that, my bro-in-law has been living with us off/on since we moved in here about 9 years ago...he moved his gf (now wife) in here in April and we didn't really click to well. Now the youngest brother is living here as well. My husband doesn't put his foot down or make an effort to enforce anything. I feel all alone in this life. Yes, there are people around me and I know some of them care a lot and worry about me but I can't shake the way I feel. I don't know how to get out of this hole. I don't have a lot of money or opportunities. Everyone has their own issues to deal with and I don't want to burden anyone with mine, especially when I have no idea what to do. There's more I could say but I feel like it would take a while to "get it all out" and it is difficult for me to find the patience. If you read this, thanks for listening. Maybe it will resonate with some of you.
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self.Anxiety
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christian with depression First of all to the admins: I read no religious as help solutions are allowed here, im not trying to post a cure here just trying to get some thoughts of other people. Feel free to take this down I oversteped the bounderys.
So as a chirstian with depression i feel like i have often to cope with some extra stuff. Like when i have suicidal thougts im not just so damn broken i want to end it, but im also scared that ill go to hell if i do. Also its hard to open up to most of my christian friends cause you know "god will save you". I really believe that but that doesnt really make my awfull thoughts and feelings go away. Is anyone of you experiencing similar things?
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self.depression
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I don’t like doing stuff All I want to do is curl up in my bed and sleep
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self.depression
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I don't have the motivation to wash my hair It's matted in the back and every time I feel like getting up, I just get food. And it's been getting worse
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self.depression
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I think I realized why I feel so alone and uninspired [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I need help. I'm 17. I've been clinically depressed for 8 years now. I want to kill myself but I cant stand to think of the very few people that care about me. I don't know what to do anymore. After being on three different medications and to a countless amount of therapists, I've given up. Help.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hiding. I’m hiding in my bathroom. I’m sitting on the floor just staring at the cuts I just put on my arm. The pills I took are starting to kick in. I found a pack of sleeping pills so I took them. I don’t think they will kill me but I wish they would. I guess it will still feel nice to not be alert.
My fiancé doesn’t know that I’m having a breakdown in here. The last few days have lead up to this but he’s so clueless to my feelings. I asked him if I died would he keep our cats. Even that didn’t raise his suspicion. Friends I’ve reached out to also don’t care. I seem to have one sided friendships. I listen for hours to their problems, their feelings good or bad. The most I get out of them is “oh” or “ok” when I try to talk about myself.
I guess that’s why I’m here. I’m not dying but I want to be. I have no one else.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The internet hate machine makes little sense to an introvert [deleted]
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self.depression
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i have lost many online friends this month i pushed ppl away and they deleted the app and left. i dont know what is wrong with me, i feel im not good at making friends or try connect with anyone. now i ended up alone...
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self.offmychest
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Life isn't worth living even a second more.... Hello CMV community. I have a view i'm trying to desperately change. Recently, I stumbled through negative utilitarianism (the Scopenhauer type), and have a deep sense that life isn't worth continuing. My argument is that every day we live, we will feel suffering, and even if that suffering is very minimal, it will add up to the total suffering accumulated through life. I know we also feel happiness and joy, but by living another day, the amount of suffering we have lived will continue increasing. This view leads to the fact, that if no one around us was to be harmed, we should commit suicide in the most painless way. I know life has many great things, and love (I love my parents and friends and even the miracle of consciousness), but this view has made me even physically ill, to the point of thinking that every second more that I am alive is a great harm to me. Reddit, please change my view!! It is taking an incredible toll on me....
PS: Sorry if my text is badly written but I'm going through a lot of distress right now. I'm going to take a nap to not do anything rash and stupid, and the I'll answer your replies.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Rant from a wife - we should of never gotten married [removed]
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self.offmychest
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The dark part about not being depressed I'm not currently depressed (thank God and congrats to me) but not too long ago I was really depressed, like realllllly depressed, suicidal and all. Does anyone else have moments when they're not depressed when they realize that in all likelihood there is literally nothing that they can do to prevent themselves from being that horribly suicidally depressed in the future? Like I'm thrilled to be doing how I'm doing but it's such a dark pervasive thought
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self.bipolar
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The worst part about fixing depression is figuring out where to start. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Well, this is probably it. Tonight I will try to kill myself. I'll tie a belt to my wall and around my neck and fall asleep. If it doesn't work for whatever reason, then I don't know. I'm in a very dark place right now and I don't want to be alive anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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"electric shock"-like feeling, pain in chest when having suicidal thoughts in bed
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self.depression
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4 months off meds and I don’t even know how I feel (rant) [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Doing a happy dance today! It's my 35th birthday and it's the first one since I was a pre-teen where I can honestly say I am happy and stable! No one is celebrating with me - my husband sleeps during the day so he won't be around until it's time to cook my steak this evening, I quit Facebook recently so no one I know actually actively remembers my birthday and don't have FB to remind them, my mom is coming over tomorrow, my sister lives a state away and I'm spending the day eating a carrot cake that I made for myself, watching my favorite movie series - the Jurassic Park movies, all 4 - and just kicking back doing nothin' for nobody. And I don't feel lonely, I am not sad people aren't making a big deal out of it, I'm not eating cake out of depression...I am celebrating me today, and that's more than enough, and that in and of itself is the best gift I could ever get.
Happy my birthday, you beautiful people! ;)
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self.bipolar
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Car issues I can’t afford right now So I recently bought an 04 eclipse off of craigslist and while buying it me, being young and stupid I bought it knowing it needed body work because the previous owner told me he hit a deer and I was thinking I could just get it fixed another time but the main reason of buying it was that it had no engine problems and I thought it was a cool car. I wasn’t aware of the car needing 10 days for state inspection...I realized that after taking it to the dmv to get it registered but it has the 2018 inspection sticker. so now I’m stressed out because I barely have money right now to fix it and it needs a ton of work done to pass inspection and it’s already been 7 days
Here’s the list of problems:
hood doesn’t latch because of accident (radiator support bar is bent over and badly rusted)
Rusted strut housings
Bald tires
Cracked windshield
Parking gear only works sometimes
The rest is okay my lights and everything else are fine. the car has 140k miles on it so I don’t know what to do right now Should I take it to the junk yard and put it to rest?
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self.offmychest
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Cancelled all plans for tomorrow because depression got the best of me. I just feel really terrible mentally and physically.
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self.depression
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Anyone here diagnosed with Atypical Depression? Just wanted to connect and share and try to better understand the Atypical type. Please write in. It would mean a lot.
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self.depression
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First manic episode in years. How do I️ cope? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I Went to a job interview today! For the first time in 3 years, I wrote out a resume, kept in contact with the employers the whole way through! It was a job for giving guitar lessons, i was super nervous and my anxiety almost got the best of me. I ALMOST stayed home.
But for someone who is scared of any aspect of responsibility, schedules, and meeting people, I did it. Me and the owner jammed out together, and I felt, for the first time, that where I was, was where I belonged.
Fingers crossed for whether or not I get the job, but my hopes are super high! I haven't had this sort of confidence in myself for nearly a decade! Go out there and beat the fear! You can overcome and beat it! And every time you do, each subsequent time will make it easier!
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self.Anxiety
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