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I wish I could tell my teacher he has changed my life. I didn't know knowledge could exist in such a diverse way until I met my teacher. He has knowledge in so many different topics and he never ceases to make the entire class laugh with his comparisons and jokes. He's just a rad fucking guy and I've never had a cool teacher like him. And I wish I could tell him straight to his face that he has changed my life and the way I see things but my anxiety is keeping me from doing it. So I'm going to write a note and put it in his mailbox at school. It's the least I could do but maybe it's not important that he see my face, I just want to brighten his day because sometimes he seems a little down in class. Tomorrow is the last day of school :) (this is college, not highschool)
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self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone else feel like growing up sucks I think I'm getting some separation anxiety vibes right now. Heart beating fast, not knowing what to do. I'm scared about when I might not be able to see my parents again. I know it's weird.
I'm in college now, so I go faraway every semester. This wasn't even my choice. I just wanted to stay in my hometown. You see, I feel like my parents and siblings aren't the same anymore. I'm not sure if they have changed or not. I started feeling depressed and anxious when I came home for the holiday break. I wish I never went to college there and just stayed in my hometown so I could be with my family much longer.
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self.Anxiety
|
3 years ago, i moved to the US. 3 years ago, I moved to the US from Vietnam. My life in VN wasn't exactly the best or anything, but at least i still have all my close friends. When i moved to the US i ended up in a different country with no friends. I still went to class and work everyday but i have no purpose, i dont have any joy from those thing. Until i dated her, she was my high school friend, she lived in VN so we were in a long distance relationship. With her in my life, i found new purpose in life, i go to work, go to school so i can go home and talk to her, so i can build a future for us. I became a different person altogether, I talk more, I smile more, I laugh more. She had a 7 years relationship with her ex husband and is currently raising her son alone. She been through a lot and she is afraid of being hurt again. About a month ago, we were both in a tight spot, i had bad grade, had a lot of debt, she was having trouble at work, worried about her son. I didn't talk to her as much as i used to, i sometime i was cold to her. She used to ask me jokingly if i still love her, or miss her, and i would jokingly said they why should I, we laughed because we know that its a joke. Back at that time, she asked me those questions, i still jokingly answered Nope in a funny way, but the thing is she really looking for the right answer that time, i when i said nope she really think that im not in love with her anymore. She talk with me less and less, and told me that she no longer has feeling for me 1 week ago after i asked. The whole world crashing down on me, i lost the love of my life just because of that. I explained everything to her, but she said that she already hurt before she can't allow herself to be hurt again and don't give me a chance. But im still holding onto hope, im still talking with her, told her that we already said everything in our minds, let think of this as a lesson and continue the relationship, don't end thing because of this. She didn't respond. My friends told me to give up, but i can't, i can't imagine going back to my old life after the time i still have her. I can't stand the thought of her thinking of me as a stranger. I'm still hoping that she will change her thought, although the chance is very slim. I know that to everyone this is not that serious of a matter, but i actually considered suicide sometimes. If thing don't work out i dont know how i can get over her, because i dont want to get over her, i don't see a point living without her.
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self.depression
|
I’m so tired and over fearing the worst!.... To cut a long story short I’ve had anxiety/ocd of developing a serious mental illness(schizophrenia)for the past 12months and I’m just so tired and feed up with fearing it and every thought and sensory overload I’ve had due to the fears of this illness!....I just wish my brain would give up on it already😔
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self.Anxiety
|
Random Attacks All day and for no apparent reason .-.
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self.Anxiety
|
ok reddit, i'm dealing with a weird one here Hey guys,
I forget if I've posted here before, possibly even on an older account, but I'm 29 years old, male, had OCD+GAD+Depression since 2006. I live in New Jersey and the *wonderful* state of health care in this country has done me some real shit service in this time. We're talking, 3 different therapists quitting mid-treatment within the span of two years. That is real, I'm not exaggerating those numbers. I wish I was.
Anyway, I'm starting exposure therapy with my current therapist, she seems capable enough. But I've just dealt with some..very strange advice from an old friend, which is now being echoed by another friend as well.
Basically, the one dude says he's studying Psychoneurology. He went off on a very long tangent where he basically described Depression (which I've been diagnosed with more than once by actual doctors) as "not real," and pretty much said that the more I identify with having depression, the more I will stay in the mental pattern that I've come to identify as "depression."
What's interesting is, his warnings about "the more you agree that you have Depression, the longer you'll have to deal with it" basically translate to "you shouldn't even be seeking treatment for Depression, since you have to talk about it with a therapist, which means you're staying in the mindset that your Depression is real."
This is disconcerting for a number of reasons.
One of which is the other friend.
The other friend struggled with BPD and Bipolar disorder. According to her, she one day decided to go the same route that he did, and she decided that she didn't have a disorder and didn't need medication. Apparently, she's doing fine now. She's living in another state now so I can't say for sure whether or not she's "cured," but, here we are.
So.
Psychoneurology. Mental disorders not being "real."
It makes me feel as though this is all my fault, somehow. It makes me feel like all I have to do is stop "believing" that I have a disorder, and I will be 'cured.'
Has anyone had experience with this kind of thing? I'm sure it's bullshit, I've heard many times that brains with mental disorders are clearly visibly different from normal brains when looked at through X-ray scans or whatever that's called. But I don't understand how this woman "cured" herself by apparently ceasing to make the choice to believe that she has a disorder at all. And again, who knows if she's telling the truth.
Maybe it's a big giant scam of some sort. When the guy studying Psychoneurology talks, he kind of sounds like he's reading off of some textbook he memorized. The whole thing is strange. But as someone who's dealt with an anxiety cocktail that has successfully derailed my entire life to the point where I *still* can't get my shit together, it's enticing to think that the solution could be something other than therapy and medication. But, again, it also sounds like it's not true.
Has anyone dealt with shit like this? Does anyone have more info about it?
At the present time, I'm not buying it. I think if I can really stick with my current therapist and an exposure treatment, maybe I can finally drastically weaken the disorder.
I dunno. Any info and advice would be awesome.
Thanks
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self.Anxiety
|
How do I handle "you're using your depression as an excuse" comments? I'm failing one of my classes and that has been a huge factor of my depression getting worse. Whenever I talk about it I'm told "you're using it as an excuse" and I wanna cry because i want to do things but I have no motivation, get panic attacks and just see no use in it (like I feel like I'm a failure anyways so no need to try). I really want to but my brain just can't wrap my head around the idea of somethings because it thinks "you're going to fail give up now". Which yes, is me using my depression for an excuse to not do anything. I think more than anything it's not an excuse but a factor, I'm not using it to say "my depression won't let me" (I guess I am) but more so "I can't because my depression makes me feel x" does that make any sense at all?
I feel like I maybe am, like I'm allowing depression to rule me then just saying "well it's because I have depression". Stayed in bed all day? "Because my depression physically drained me, it's fine" had a panic attack because of feeling worthless? I put in on myself because I allowed depression to not let me do anything. It sucks, I want people to understand this is very real to me and I'm not using it as an excuse but a way to explain how and why things got so bad but then they just say "stop using depression as an excuse" I feel like saying that is the equivalent to saying "stop being so depressed and be happy!!"
I want to do things, I wish I wasn't such a fuck up but everything I do just snowballs into something worse and worse. Like "just do something productive" I want to but I'm staring at the load of work I have to do just feeling so drained and I'm like "what the fuck is the point". And then I think maybe I don't have depression I'm just lazy, or maybe my depression is all in my head. It's so annoying, I feel like I'm being belittled because of it and that they just think I'm lazy.
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self.depression
|
whats an easy way to commit suicide hard to get pills that'll actually kill me, bleeding out is tedious, jumping off a high place is kinda eh bc that's just traumatic for anyone who sees it. are there medicines that are obtainable that can cause overdose leading to death?
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self.depression
|
I think everyone in my family is depressed, and being around them makes me feel terrible [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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What’s the point in trying to interact with people anyway? It’s been about a semester and I’m about as pissed as ever just to go back to my high school again. I’ve been trying to encourage my self to be more expressive and out-going but it doesn’t seem to be working at all. I keep daydreaming about seeing myself being assertive and talking to people I sit next to in my classes in a confident voice, and yet in reality it ends up being the exact opposite. I end up stuttering, mess up words (ex. Person’s name is John Smith, constantly fuck it up by switching the first letters of the words and end up saying Sohn Jith), get distracted by the fact that I probably made a mistake in my sentence and end up pausing myself for more than 10 seconds, and so on. Even if there were barely any mistakes in what I said, it still just ends up falling flat because everyone just doesn’t seem to add on to it and no conversations happen. I absolutely fucking detest eavesdropping on other students, hearing them compliment each other’s talent and work, sharing humorous moments they had, talking about controversial subjects, and whenever they talk to me, they just ask me things that I can only say in one sentence and look bored. What’s worse is that I’d probably try to continue the chat by asking them to explain what they said but due to the fact that I spend too long in my brain to formulate a good starter within the short time frame where it isn’t awkward and the fact that my attempts are just the Personification of the shitty four-way Fallout 4 dialogue system, it simply won’t work.
At least the only two friends I have that didn’t go to the other high school in town seem to care about what I have to say.
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self.depression
|
Should I still try therapy? (18 yrs. old) I’ve had a lot of ups and downs recently. Around October-November, my depression was some of the worst it’s ever been. I was thinking about seeing a therapist, but over the past few weeks, I’ve been doing pretty well. I guess I’m afraid of going to a therapy session and feeling weird about it because I’m not super sad at the time that I go. I don’t want to see a therapist for the first time and then be like “yeah, I’m doin fine” when I’m asked about how I’m feeling. Should I wait to try therapy until I’m very down again? What should I do about this?
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self.depression
|
I want to die so badly. I hate myself and I’m ready to die. The only reason I’ve stayed was for my boyfriend but I’ve shown myself time and time again I’m an awful girlfriend and nobody deserves to date someone like me. I feel terribly bad for everyone I’m going to hurt but I’m done living for other people instead of myself. And I can’t find one single thing to live for. I hope that my boyfriend won’t follow me because I know he has a great future ahead
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Will my bipolar ex return? Last year around this time My ex was talking to someone I don’t find out til may when I came home and seen a beer can in the trash that I do don’t drink I asked her about and she lied and said how do you know it’s not mine well I knew it wasn’t hers because she doesn’t drink beer on April 14 she a bad doctors visit and the said she may be bipolar diagnosed her with anxiety and a script for pill and to consult with a psychiatrist she never finished the bottle of pills and said they were messing with her stomach but anyways once i asked about the beer again she said it was a friend from work who was there and they were just friends but I later found out they seen each other a few times other than them so in August I asked her to go into work and end there friendship and just be co workers in the mean time through though month January-August she kept telling me she is depressed every day she woke up she that she felt like killing herself on night in September she tried to take a pill of pills which I had to stick my finger down her throat for her to throw up then tried getting the knifes all because she thought I wanted to end things with her she just kept saying how she was a bad person didn’t know who to love and didn’t want her family to me ruined I never contacted anyone because I wasn’t sure if I had her hospitalized how would I be able to keep up on bills myself now it’s the end of October and we move because she wanted to (we move every single year because she feels the next place will be so much better for us and the kids) every single winter she gets depressed at some point maybe because we have 1kids birthday in September and 2in November back to back days & thanksgiving and Xmas right around the corner and every time around February/March she has a break down and wants to leave me and move out but I always talked her out of it now this has happened all 8years we been together but this year the guy came back in the picture we had a small argument and she packed a bag and moved in with him same day said she doesn’t plan on coming back had my kids there with him for the weekend sent them back to me for the following week due to school it’s been 3weeks now I’m not sure what to do I want to marry her (her past was seeing her mom get beating by boyfriends extremely bad and she always bounced around to family house until she moved with her gram who passed away which effected her the most then she stayed with her aunt a few years til I came in the picture)the story goes deeper than that... what should I do I want her to come back and work on things and provide for my family she is bad with money always said I was controlling because I made sure she paid bills first instead of blowing it on food and bullshit we don’t need we are both 26
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self.bipolar
|
It doesn't always get better. For the last 2 years of my life i have been so lonely and slowly have been beaten down worse and worse.
I don't understand why we have to live as losers just so the winners can win? Although the way i see it - I won the lottery when it comes to life. Upper middle class, loving parents, protective siblings, good schools, nice comfy bed, I even fell in love once.
Now if i have all that why would i want to die right? Well.. i'm the most undeserving person i've ever met. Despite having all the tools to suceed - I spent all my money on my Lego collection which no one thinks is cool (it's a fucking toy), i stress my mom and dad out so much, i'm the defect while my siblings are both brilliant and attractive. I tried in school did well in intermeaidate, normal, and honors but when i got AP it kicked my ass. My bed's still comfy. The girl i loved who i'm still hung up on for two years ghosted me.. won't even talk to me. I have tried ignoring her back, eventually broke down and begged for her back many times.. not a reply. I tried Tinder but soon realized i'm nothing but a deformed muskrat who's face is disproportional and it just wouldn't be right to date someone looking like me.
I use to be confident. I use to think i had a chance, that i would change the world. Even tho i was quiet and had no friends i thought.. if i could just one day inspire that lonely loser boy that is just like me who sits alone at lunch (with his hair covering his face) and just show him he's not alone. But I was wrong he's alone and alwayd has been. Tomorrow i'm gonna trick my parents, get money to buy a rope and i'm gonna hang myself. Goodbye and good riddance. :(
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My wife and my co-workers routinely test the limits of my medication. Do they not remember I am in possession of a shovel and now a backyard of my own?
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self.offmychest
|
Looking for a podcast. Tomorrow I'm going back to work after a few weeks off to finally see doctors and get my bipolar under control and I'm quite nervous. Is anyone aware of a good episode of a podcast where they discuss this type of situation?
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self.bipolar
|
Ex GF (19F) of 3 years recently broke up with me (21M) I️ want her back so badly.. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I made a public post about my depression and adjustive disorder to all my friends To summarise, for 10 years I was bullied. They beat me up, took my things and made me chase after them, and verbally abused me everyday. But somewhere in between, I chose to stand up for myself rather than be a victim. But I became a very angry person and after a while, I enjoyed the feeling of challenging them. It made me feel powerful and I became addicted to this feeing which made me arrogant.
When I left that school, I finally made new friends but this arrogance and short temper led me to alienate them and hurt them. Since then, I decided to take my therapy and medication more seriously.
But the year is ending and I became desperate to fix things. I went to one of them and asked her if she could give me another chance. She said that she was thankful about my efforts and that maybe in the future, things would improve but right now she still needed time to recover after everything I’ve done. It started to hurt really badly. This was the reality but it was so painful.
I honestly just felt like ending it all. I wanted things to get better. I wanted the pain to stop. I just wanted help so badly and for something good to happen. So I made a post on instagram with a picture of one of my visits to a well-known mental institute.
I told them about how it started, what happened this year(I kept people anonymous) and what it felt like to have these disorders. When I posted it, I just read the entire thing and started crying. I guess I’m really desperate and I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times this year.
To quote my last paragraph,
**The biggest lie is that things will get better. There’s no guarantee and it’s just a sentence people say to comfort you and sometimes it hurts you because you get so disappointed when things never get better. You just hope that there’s something you can do that there must be a way to change things but you can’t find it. The disappointment, the regret and the pain is carried with you everyday of your life. And you just ask yourself why you’re such a mistake.**
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self.depression
|
A small little success Well, recently, i bought a combo of stuff from iherb, mainly to treat GAD.
Its still early to say, but ive recently tried Theanine and went to a family gathering at cousins place.
Usually, my symptoms will start to flare up, but this time it was kept under control.
Granted, ive also taken it for sleep. Im chronically sleepy even if i dont take anything, so i cant say this keeps me more sleepy, but im glad i just past the event without too much hassle.
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self.Anxiety
|
Super anxious about the dr tomorrow I scheduled a regular wellness visit tomorrow. I plan on bringing up a few things that worry me that usually pin on “just anxiety” (stomach issues etc). I’ve been fine all week but now that it’s tomorrow I keep worrying that I’m only going to have my fears confirmed. Plus the typical issue of having to talk to someone one on one about personal issues.
I just want to get it over with already.
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self.Anxiety
|
Hey all. I'm showering for the first time in a week. Then I'm going to clean out garbage..I've got this. I'll check back tonight. What is one thing you want to bet done before tonight? *get
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self.depression
|
Just a rant: Therapist said I let my illness control me My therapist pissed me off because she said I let my mental illness control me. It made me mad because I see my psychiatrist regularly, I see the therapist once a week for 1on1s and DBT. I started a workout routine (3xs a week starting out) and other routine things, and set an early sleep schedule, among other things that I’m doing to better myself.
This is my second round of DBT so I feel like she’s disappointed that I still have suicidal and self harm thoughts. I tell her that I do have the thoughts a few times a week but they don’t control me. They’re just there in the back of my mind. I haven’t self harmed in over 3 months, which is fantastic! I have no plan to but I think about it daily. It’s a passive thought.
In a way I feel I have the right to be butthurt about her comment because she only sees me for my ptsd mainly and doesn’t do any medication stuff so she doesn’t know how my meds affect me.
But I also know that she has an outside perspective that I don’t always have.
My complaint to her this time was that i think my medication is slowing me down and affecting thinking and my speech and it’s affecting my work and i was worried. Then she made the comment.
Idk. I don’t even know why I’m posting this or what I’m expecting to get out of it. I just wanted to get it off my chest and maybe some of you have experienced things like this before. I’ve been pretty active on the boards looking for tips and whatnot. I know I am trying!
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self.bipolar
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When someone says I've lost weight and ask if I'm on a diet but I know I've been starving myself
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self.depression
|
I've given up. I'm 32, alone, depressed, and now friend-less. Its painfully clear that nothing positive is ever going to happen in my life and I'm always going to feel the way I do right now. So I go through my life waking up every morning saying to myself "I want to fucking die", hoping that some freak accident will kill me, and when it doesn't I sit and ponder about how many more days I want to suffer through this.
I can't go to any family for support. My parents are worthless at anything related to advice, I'm black sheep/butt of every joke to my shitty extended family, and my one sibling was an abusive piece of shit growing up. And despite changing his ways, refuses to ever acknowledge that he did an immense amount of harm in destroying my self confidence and self worth.
I don't know what to do anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My SOs mom hates me... My SOs mom is very nice to everyone. It's who she is. But she does not like me. She doesn't like the SIL either. I really think it's a "no one is good enough for my boys" deal.
I try to be very kind, I don't bring up any topics she may be offended by. I offer to help whenever and however I can.
And then the Christmas letter came out.
Last year was "[Son] is now dating a girl, edenunbound, we wish them the best and look forward to spending Christmas together!"
THIS year is a different story. SO and I moved in November first. The letter included the following as our ONLY mention
"[Son] and edenunbound spent Thanksgiving with her family. That was disappointing."
Thanks Mrs. B....
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self.offmychest
|
Just gonna vent, no need to click Everytime I wake up, which is a quite a few times every night, I want nothing more than to finally fall asleep, knowing hat I won't wake up anymore. That this time, I get to have peace and that it'll be final. I don't want to come back into this life, where all that awaits me is despair. Some things can't be fixed and by now, I'm not sure I'd want them to be. There's no point, not anymore.
It's ridiculous just how easy it was to ruin my life. I didn't even notice that's what I was doing. It came naturaly to me, it was easier to do it than not to. At least noone got hurt in the process. Noone except myself that is.
Some people just don't seem to have what it takes to be a fully functioning human and as it turns out I'm one of 'em. I wish nature had an instant off switch for organisms it has weeded out. I guess form natures perspective it makes sense to keep us alive as long as possible but I really wish it wasn't so.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
It Gets Better For everyone on here, I'd like to offer a little light.
It was only a year ago I was incapacitated by my anxiety, anytime I would go to class, go for a walk, try to take a nap, it was always there. It seemed anytime I would try to relax, my body would fight me, constantly in this battle between mind and body. I honestly thought I was losing my mind. As soon as it got unbearable, I did what I could, buying every single meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy books. Nothing helped.
It seemed like there was no where else to turn I went through 4 therapists, each made very little headway but none could break my anxiety down to something I could work with. Day in and day out thinking "will I ever get better? Is there any hope for me?"
I can still remember the days where I would lay dormant in my bed, avoiding everyone and all my responsibilities just to get a break. Going to bed every night feeling like I was going to die to waking up with 30 seconds of peace before the avalanche of worry and physical symptoms spun up again.
But then, over the summer, something changed. I can't pinpoint exactly what it was but all of a sudden I realized I wasn't as anxious as before. I remember all the doctors and therapists telling me "it's not going to be an instant change, this takes time". Of course I didn't want to hear that but looking back on it now and how I stand today, they were right.
I wish I could tell you exactly what I did to get off my SSRI's and finally be able to enjoy a cup of coffee again without my mind spinning out of control , but it was a multitude of things. I finally stopped worrying about trying to fend off my anxiety and started to try and better myself. I got big into self-help books ranging all across the spectrum. Not one book offered a complete solution but the pieces I took from each and combined them helped tremendously.
I just wanted to tell all of you, it gets better. I wish I could go back and tell myself "Just be patient, this is only temporary" (but knowing my headstrong self I would have replied "yeah right I want this fixed now"). If some of you are interested I can tell you some of the books that had an impact on me.
I've been browsing this subreddit for quite some time and I constantly see people feeling like it won't end or that there's just no escape. Let me tell you,
**It gets better**
I promise.
TL;DR I was absolutely incapacitated by my anxiety a year ago, now I am almost back to where I want to be. It gets better, just give it time and don't give up.
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self.Anxiety
|
burning out again, messed up my life already I'm 22, have been starting posts this way since 19- unemployed, live with parents, not stupid but had problems at school and studied art like a dumbass. I've been unable to tear myself away from the computer trying to apply to jobs because my family can't really afford to live this way.
I have aspergers and should go get therapy but I keep putting it off. Last time I had a job it was at a factory and the loud noise made me want to kill myself, the stress and anxiety symptoms made me want to kill myself, knowing I'll never amount to anything and my parents don't get to have a normal kid makes me want to kill myself.
I owe them so much and I'm so worthless I've been crying until gag and I don't know what to do. I just need money but the prospect of JSA makes me too scared. I just messed up and now it's too late, I'm fucked.
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self.depression
|
How can I stop assuming people dislike me on sight? I feel like I don't belong anywhere and like people hate me. I made a post asking how easy it is to find a job in the city I want to move to. I got downvoted and now I'm paranoid I wouldn't be welcome to move there lol. Daft as it sounds.
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self.depression
|
Music is the only thing keeping me alive, and worth hanging on to. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Empty Emptiness. That's just all it is. If you knocked on me, I would echo and ring like a bell.
It's always the emptiness. The smallness. The loneliness. It follows my steps during the day, and catches up to sneak into the bags under my eyes when I'm not looking.
There's nothing more ironic than being full of emptiness. Feeling the hollowness of your chest, how your fingers feel like glass and how your head aches with all the thoughts that reverberate around in there. How they never stop. Quieten, maybe. But never stop.
You know those days where you're so hollow, they only thing keeping you up is the rigidity of your bones? How you may have collapsed on the floor, with tears and snot streaming and dripping onto the carpet. And after you have given all you can, and your face and stomach ache with hollowness- how you have to eventually get up. you /have/ to get up.
How they only thing that got you up was how brittle you were. How light and airy and floaty you were.
How much strength it takes to drag yourself to your bed, cause at least that's off the floor. How you break your bones or shred your skin on the way there. Broken and bloodied, you drag yourself onto the mattress and try to stifle every goddamn thing. How through all of this, you are hollow, full of nothing. How painful it is. All of it.
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self.offmychest
|
¿Is life really worth living ? Have you ever just felt that your not enough for this world, people hurt you in many ways even family, I’ve looked for help in my mother but she never seems to get me or notice that I’m truly hurt and broken. I’ve trusted people that I thought could help me but they only hurt me even more. This is a sick world and I donde know how much more I can take.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm trying. I really Am. I run. I meditate. I practice thinking positively. I lift weights. I eat pretty well. I take anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication. I even have Alprazolam for panic onsets -- just in case.
But I have so much pressure in my chest and intense chaos in my head. Sometimes, I even hyperventilate a little bit. My mind always seems to automatically jump to "worst case scenario" mode -- even when I catch myself. It affects my sleep and my ability to interact in social situations.
Sometimes, just typing it out helps me. I'm not looking for any magical answers. I know a lot of you struggle with the same thing. I just have no idea where else to turn.
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self.Anxiety
|
My dog just passed away, rough day Hello everyone I’m not sure if this is the best place to post, but I’ve had a really rough day and needed to speak about it. Last night around 11 PM my pitbull mix Finn succumbed to a severe case of pneumonia. My husband and I had been monitoring his recurring condition since he was about 6 weeks old and he seemed stable enough (playing with other dogs ,eating and drinking healthy amounts) but last night we got home to find him unresponsive. We rushed him over to the Emergency vet who tried there best but they Advised us against seeking above and beyond emergency care. I don’t even think we were there an hour before He passed.
I guess the reason I’m posting this is because it’s hit my husband pretty hard and I’m trying to be strong for him, I just feel like this heavy weight has been following me around all day despite my efforts to remain chipper. I try to put all my focus today on my two other dogs both border Collies. I took them both to the pet salon and got them baths and let them play with other dogs, but I’m still struggling with this empty feeling. I’ve even toyed with the thought of maybe starting to look for another puppy but that just leaves me feeling really guilty.
I dunno, I think I’ll update this post over the next couple of days to let you guys know how I’m doing the right now I just feel real rough. Thanks for listening everyone.
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self.offmychest
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[discussion] anxiety after eating, can someone relate? Lately, Im starting to connect between eating and anxiety, it seems that every time that i eat I'm feeling a bit off and anxious which trigger even more scary thoughts and feeling.
Yet again it could be just a coincidence, I'm more anxious then not.
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self.Anxiety
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Rawr. Sometimes I just get so angry and it's not over something big but I get this pure hatred in my heart, I can not do anything when i'm like this because if I try to I will end up breaking something or myself. In moments like this all I can do is lay there and try to breathe, I know that in these moments is when i'm most at risk to myself and others. But I have no control and I just don't know what to do anymore, if I have access to a method I would probably take my life, so here I lay, unreasonably angry and trying to breathe through the heaviness that clogs my lungs. Help?
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self.depression
|
I just had my daughter committed and I feel relieved. I had my 17 year old daughter committed today. We have been terrified that she is going to die every time we go to bed.
She is manic. She is suicidal. She is a danger to herself and other people. She does lots of drugs. She choked her 10 year old brother for making her mad. She sneaks out all the time.
This is the first time I can rest in over a year.
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self.offmychest
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I've posted a lot here but need help. Just lost my dad So this morning I went to check on him after a routine eye surgery last night. I found him dead on his apartment floor. I've gone through so much recently: new diagnosis of this disease, ending/hiatus of a 3 year relationship that has suffered due to my bipolar, and now this. I don't know what I can do and I feel numb right now but I need help.
If anyone is free to talk or can offer any advice, please let me know. This is the most difficult months of my life and I want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
Please help me
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self.bipolar
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New and need some help Hi I've never been on this thread but I'm hoping for some advice/support! I just wrote a brutally honest breakup letter to someone that I was in an abusive relationship with. I left it outside and he read it and left. I am having so much anxiety. It was a harsh letter. I know there's nothing I can or should do now because it was all things I needed him to know but now I'm worried he might do something self destructive. I've never been this honest with someone.
Update: He ended up contacting me with a defensive comment, naturally, but its all done and I'm fine. Thank you
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self.Anxiety
|
If things don't improve , I don't see an alternative to suicide I like myself. I really do. I am a nice person who has always tried to be of help and has always been nurturing of others.
But I hate my life and I hate my self sabotage actions
I have always been an outcast. People initially like me , but for some reason get tired of me and alienate me.
Maybe because I am too nice too soon.
I notice when I dont speak and appear serious , people tend to stick around. But then they think of me as a listening ear , not a person and if I also have something to share , they get rebuked and try to switch it back to their thing
**It is like what I have to say doesnt matter to anyone**
Please don't tell me to find people like me cause in the past 7-8 years (I am 22), I have had the same response from very different types of people.
I am alone , I have no calls , no texts , no one who cares.
I can accept being a virgin at this age , but not having any friends or anyone I can be myself with is something I can't get my head around.
Everyone has someone who is texting them or snapping them or commenting on their insta/fb/whatever
**I am isolated in a world that has never been more connected.**
When I was 13 , I said to myself that this is it, I am gonna get a gf this year
just another promise to myself I never kept
Even on my job side , I am a fraud
I recently got a job by overstating my qualifications.
I start on 8th jan (today is 1st) and though I had time to prepare and not be a fraud, I didnt do shit and I dont know what I will do when I get there. I still have time but I know I will let myself down and then face misery , which seems to be my destiny
I am paralyzed and apathetic. I dont enjoy anything. ANYTHING. I pass my time watching mind numbing compilation videos on youtube. I hate them but it passes the time.
I am heading towards suicide if things dont get better and since I am not doing anything about it , seems like my days are numbered.
but hey , not like anyone cares.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Help for dealing with the death of a loved one. [deleted]
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self.depression
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There's nothing like finding a friend who's as fucked up as you are. I recently transfered to a new command 2 months ago, I was put directly into a position of leadership due to my rank, and we had a kid that had gotten in trouble for smoking pot. I instantly hit it off with the kid mainly because he said he was going to be the biggest pain in my ass ever, and I proved to him I'm better at being an asshole than him. One Saturday I was on duty and he confided in me, and told me he had serious issues and I simply said I was battling some serious demons my self. Now 6 weeks later, I called him yesterday and said if he had no where to go to come over, I'm more than happy to have him here for thanksgiving. And it's turned into probably my best thanksgiving yet, having someone go is as fucked up as I am with me on thanks giving while him and my girlfriend smoke and I drink, playing Mario kart 8 and eating good food. Some times finding similar company is good for the depressed soul. Even if we wallow in our own self hatred, it can help.
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self.depression
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Was he insulting me? I texted my boy and told him that I don't understand why he likes me since I'm fat and ugly? He texted back "you're not ugly. Maybe u can get your hair done or buy new clothes to make yourself feel better."
Was he insulting me?
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self.depression
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Insomnia and Depression My insomnia used to be a rare thing that happened to me over five months ago, and if I woke up anywhere between 4-5 AM I'd certainly worry over myself, but the feeling would pass soon. Those many months later, and each day is an extra melatonin and an extra hour lost. Today I woke up at 2 AM, extremely depressed with no reason behind it. I did not bawl, and I did not loathe over myself because I knew I had to do something important with my time, so I worked until around 5:30 AM to take a shower.
But this entire day, I was constantly on the verge of tears. I was heavily worrying on the inside. I am taking more pills than the average child my age and yet I'm waking up even earlier than I've woken up. I did sweat a few tears, but those 7 hours of school I was incredibly shaken, and still am.
It's gotten so bad where I have these involuntary twitches and/or my extremities become numb for a short period of time. I've heard many explanations behind it: hormonal changes, lack of sleep, too much stress. It's all scaring me.
My week has been shit so far, and when my illnesses stepped in as the cherry on the top, I feel like I've lost my will to do anything.
I'd like to sleep, but I am utterly unable to. I'd like to have an appetite, but breakfast quenches me for the entire day. I'd like to be happy, but I am consistently paranoid. I'd like to cry, but nothing wells in my throat when I try.
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self.depression
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Why should I live if the world needs less of me? Why is it considered so terrible to end it all when the world does nothing but complain that there are too many people in the world? I hear everyday why my life and those around me is terrible due to limited resource. There isn't enough to go around so I either need to be a the perfect and most amazing educated worker that has ever been seen, or I can lay on the street and die.
But when I offer to take the high road and end myself before I hit the street, everyone has a panic attack and says I must stop. But I thought they wanted me to die because I'm not good enough? I don't understand.
I really don't know how much longer I can take of this world. I will never be what it wants from me and if they want to destroy me, I want them to hurry and do it. I don't want to be humiliated and laughed at until I slowly waste away just to make them feel better. If they want people gone, they should hurry and do it and get rid of me the right way. Let me die in peace.
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self.SuicideWatch
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questions and guesses and me I wonder how it feels to wake up and feel happy you get to live another day..because every morning i wake up hating myself and wishing i was dead. I wonder why did God let me live. I don't fit in here, in this life..so then why.! I don't deserves it all and it's hard to know that i'm loved or even liked. I messed up all the chances i got to make me a better person. I don't think I'll change in a long time. It's like my soul just gave up on me and that it's just waiting for my body to do the same. I don't go off and kill myself because i don't want to hurt my family and because I chickened out. But I'm really tired of being this shitty person. It's just, I don't want to suicide..But i just wish I stop existing... I hate myself
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self.depression
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Don't know what to do I've been okay for the past few months, just distracting myself from problems and trying not to spiral or do anything rash.
Now I feel like everything is catching up to me. All the breakdowns and tears that I suppressed for the past 5 months have collected and formed a pit in my stomach that feels like it's rising.
I just watched an episode of a tv show where the main character was molested as a child, and she and her family try to discuss it and get closure, and I fully dissociated for the first time in months. I thought I was over this. I thought I was moving on and getting better. I have a job interview in 2 days.
Now I don't even see the point.
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self.depression
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It’s slowly killing me I’ve always been an anxious person but lately my anxiety just started getting out of control. Panic attacks, insomnia, not being able to eat.... Anxiety is literally killing me and I can’t seem to find something to do about it. Any suggestions??
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self.Anxiety
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I have a good, prosperous, and promising life. But after 8pm I don't want to be alive. After 8pm I look at the 200+ tramadol capsules on my desk and wonder. My girlfriend left me and I can't move on. She just left, she didn't say why. I'm 21, I'm a campus celebrity who gets a first in every test he does. I'm also a bodybuilder and get a lot of attention for it. Believe it or not I'm also an esports player. But what's the fucking point?
For the past 5 months I've laid awake every night thinking about her. How long do i have to endure such crippling loneliness? Yeah im popular, but im lonely wherein I only want to see her. I don't care about anyone else, not even myself, if she asked me to kill myself for her I might just do it.
Though to be honest I might as well now, would at least help me to get sleep for once. Pain isn't an issue with the ridiculous amount of opioid painkillers I've got, I'd be a potato in minutes, the drawback of killing myself is how my mum and dad would feel.
I don't talk to my parents about things. I used to talk to my girlfriends mum. I want to. But I can't. She blocked me. The problem that is me went away for her. Why can't I block myself? Can i block life? I'm going to die one day anyway, why not now?
I don't think I could commit suicide, but if i could prevent my own murder I definitely would not. Although being blackout drunk might facilitate tramadol for dinner.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Any of my anxious friends experience shortness of breath and a burning sensation in their chest?? :(
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self.Anxiety
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It's crazy I always feel like people are judging me..I really am self conscious and weird thing is sometimes I look around to see if people are laughing or looking at me
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self.Anxiety
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22, student, If this is life, I don't see how anyone would want to live [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Help me please. I've almost hung myself twice already today. I just want the thoughts to stop. They won't fucking stop. I have my note ready. I have everything ready. But I know I shouldn't. Fucking shit just need some comfort right now please
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self.SuicideWatch
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No matter how hard I try, I just don’t want to be alive. I come from a home that has always been broken. I’ve seen my father beat the holy hell out of my mum as a kid. My mom beat the holy hell out of me when I got older. I’ve attempted suicide more times than I’d like to admit. I’ve been to therapy and been hospitalized and it only works temporarily.
I’ve just gotten back to America from London after saving up to chase an au pair position that didn’t end up working out. I used all my savings to try and find happiness and now I’m back home with a mother who treats me like shit. She calls me a burden and yells at me every day to get a job and I’ve only been home since Thursday. As if I don’t send out a handful of applications each day.
I’m 19, broke and depressed. I’ve contemplating prostitution. And now that doesn’t even seem worth it to me. I just want to die. Then all the bills I have can go away. I can stop being a burden.
I don’t want advice. I just wanted to tell someone and Reddit is always an open ear.
I’m pretty sure I’m going to kill myself tonight.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hopefully going to start Lexapro in a couple of weeks. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I'm sorry. Sexual/physical/mental abuse as a child. 0-4
Almost sold into human trafficking but someone intervened. 4
Put into a foster home with a women who tells me that she spent her life praying for a daughter, and her I am. 5
Returned to mother, foster parents told they will never see us again. Relocated from Canada to USA. 5
Mom loses custody of us and is arrested. Last time I saw her. Returned to Canada. 5
Waited everyday for my mom to come get me. 6-16
Finally receive a message from my mother, who tells me that none of the abuse we suffered was real, our PTSD and all the other fuck ups we've been diagnosed with can't be real according to her. 17
Try killing myself twice. 17
Rehab 18
Physically abusive relationship. 18-24
He beat me while I was pregnant, he tried to kill me more than once. One distinct memory I have is while he was drunk he searched the house for something couldn't find it. Came into the room I was laying on the bed breastfeeding our daughter. He punched me in the face as hard as he could. He would strangle me till I blacked out. I have scars on my face. He was charged with domestic abuse, paid a fine. 21
I gained the courage to leave. 24
He left the province and cuts off contact. 24
He gets a DUI a province over and comes back 24
Wants visitation 25
Custody battle 26
New relationship. Old ways. 26
Kicked out of home, sent to shelter. Yesterday
Custody hearing, Valentines Day. Today
I cant fight anymore. I have spent my life fighting. I have spent my life thinking I am not enough.
It has been 26 years of bullshit. I am done fighting. I really am not enough! I have finally convinced myself! I AM NOT ENOUGH! I never understood how my mom could just leave me, but now I understand! The only difference is MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN WORTH THE FIGHT. MY DAUGHTER MEANS THE WORLD TO ME. I ONLY CALLED YOUR FATHER OUT IN COURT SO THAT IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO ME THAT YOU WOULD BE OKAY. BUT NEITHER OF US DESERVE YOU! I love you! I want you to be happy, but I am a dead end. I love you I love you I love you but I am done fighting! I can't even believe I am saying this. Because my love for you is the only thing that has got me this far. I love you so much!
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self.SuicideWatch
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fuck this shit and fuck my brain feeling the depression coming back
everything went so good, my mood was nearly perfect
then i got side effects from my mads and we decided to go down with the dosis, this was a week ago and now i feel the depression coming back
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self.depression
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I'm trying so desperately to not feel this way. I'm a quadriplegic and have been for almost 10 years. I've lost my childhood, most of my friends, I'm a burden on my family, I feel alone, and I just don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to call the suicide hotline, but I'm afraid to die, so I'm here.
I've been suicidal for so long I don't remember what it was like to be a carefree, happy person. My world is grey and I don't care about anything anymore. I've made a couple new friends recently and they're great, but my insecurity and anxiety makes me not want to bug them.
I've gotten out of my house more this week than I have in the past three months, but even though I'm trying to be normal, I just can't. Nothing interests me any more and I'm bored and I have no energy.
I'm not good at anything anymore and everything I try, I can't improve.
I just want out.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have isolated myself from the people I love for so long I forgot how to socialize After my ex of seven years an I broke up I felt like a monster.
I cheated on him for 6 months and would constantly flirt with others before that.
I know what I did was wrong.
If you love someone like I loved him you would not betray them.
That being said I decided to punish myself after the break up.
I isolated myself from society, only talking to people at work or my mother who would constantly check up on me.
My ex would check in on me every once in a while when he needed emotional support.
I deleted my social media because I didn't want to see him move on.
I would let people in every once in a while after a year. I dated short term relationships but never let them in past a certain point.
My last relationship though... after three years of keeping everyone a certain distance away from me started barging in and forcing me to open up more and more.
I fell in love with him but of course forcing someone to open up gets exhausting.
I would lie when he got too close to me and he would get hurt because of it.
I was so far into my own head I didn't realize what I was doing until it was too late.
Now I'm making a point to open up more... to my friends, my family...but it's a slow process.
I'm constantly second guessing myself.
Should I hug someone goodbye?
Should I voice my thoughts?
Should I laugh at this?
Should I make this joke?
I've never been so self conscious of myself and it's sad to realize how insecure I've become.
I used to be a reckless and fearless mess and was proud of it.
Now I see myself and wince at my flaws.
Maybe this is growing up
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self.offmychest
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No money for food, unable to pay rent, can't support parent, feeling hopeless. Everything was going well at the beginning of 2017 - I had a good job and was headhunted into an even better job. I was even going back to school - taking evening and weekend classes. Then due to an unfortunate chain of events I was unable to work for a while, which of course (very understandably) didn't fly with my new employer and I was let go. I sank into a pit of depression as my income was zero while living expenses (rent, bills, food costs) kept going out as they do. I tried to look for a new job but it's slow going. I am very capable and my resume is great, but unfortunately sometimes finding a job is not an immediate thing. Most places I've been applying to are telling me I'm too overqualified, which under normal circumstances would be somewhat flattering maybe, but I am desperate and would take literally anything.
I do have a part-time gig lined up starting Monday next week and several other gigs further out, but it's too late. I literally don't have money for food tomorrow, I'm late on my rent and will probably be evicted within the next couple of weeks, utilities might be cut off soon, and I just don't see any solution. The worst part is that I support my parent, who I've let down as well. If it was just me by myself I'd suck it up, maybe go live in my car if I have to. I don't know. I can't help but think - I have life insurance so maybe the best thing I can do for my parent is to just... be gone. Let them collect the insurance or something.
I don't have any other family to help us out or temporarily borrow money from, and I don't see where I'm going to get rent money (or even food money) within a week. As a last resort I went to r/borrow but can't even post because I don't have sufficient comment karma to do so - due years of being a lurker with almost no posts. Local orgs or gov't assistance can't help, especially not immediately. So it looks like I'm out of options. The sad part is I have these gigs lined up that will probably pay for next month's expenses, and I will probably find a real job by then, but it's just too late.
I've basically failed at life. I can't sleep, I've stopped eating so that the little food we have lasts for my parent (though let's face it, I really need to go on a diet anyway - silver lining I guess).
I just had to tell someone, anyone. I know I sound pathetic, but maybe writing all this down will help me make a decision one way or another, somehow. Sorry if this isn't the right place for this. Thank you for reading.
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self.offmychest
|
Can't handle this empty, loveless life. Life just feels like Hell.
Up until about half a year ago, I was being physically/emotionally abused by my partner. A recurring thing in our relationship is that we're poly, but whenever they became interested in someone new, they would compare me to the other person and devalue me, always saying I was garbage and they would choose the other person over me. They never left but the constant down-putting did a number on my mental health. They also attacked me and my roommate a few times, and isolated us from our social circle when they threatened/harmed our friends.
I almost broke up with them when they took a trip to their home-state, but they had just been disowned by their family and pleaded for me to take them back. I accept because I didn't see where else they could go, demanding that the abuse stop.
Things have seemed okay for the last 6 months, no physical harm in a long time. However I've been developing symptoms of PTSD, it's hell. My personality has been rapidly changing/disappearing and it's terrifying.
A few days ago, my roommate was suicidal. Them and my partner got in a verbal fight and my partner just told them to do it. I dissociated and could barely even talk to my roommate, just ended up drinking instead (thankfully I think just me being there helped stop them from hurting himself.) But I've been unbearably depressed since then. I couldn't do anything, never could really. I've never known how to comfort people.
My partner is also interested in someone, someone they've known for most of their life. I decided to be a bitch and read through their messages. Turns out they've only ever loved this person and everyone else else has been a shoddy replacement. So... I feel like I've endured all this shit for nothing. If I'm honest with myself I haven't really loved them for months now, and after learning this I just feel so fucking stupid. So fucking pathetic and stupid.
This isn't the first abusive relationship I've been in. Hell, my father was a fucking mess too, a cold Asian-fetishizing serial adulterer. I feel so broken, it's like if I break up another abuse is just going to fill the void.
I'm not a great person myself honestly. Truth is I have zero empathy for people 95% of the time, try to do nice things to fit it but honestly people's joys and problems don't move me at all. I want friends and love in my life yet I'm incredibly bitter, suspicious, and can hardly give a shit about people. I've been a disorganized scatter-brained mess and can barely get by most shifts at work. The only two things that really make me feel alive are pain and shoplifting. Trying to quit alcohol but that's shitty too. I don't even feel human anymore. Everything is so empty and nothing distracts me for long. I don't know what to do. I just want everything to stop.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Life is so fucking pointless it hurts Everything we do is so pointless and boring and it usually takes a lot of unwanted effort, everything is basically materialism and it's like society is too blind to see that life is so fuckin terrible. I have NO interests, so what's the point? I try and try and try again, only to get shot down harder each fucking time I get up again. Tired of this.
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self.depression
|
Acceptance I️ have always struggled with depression and anxiety but learned to cope in college (I️ stopped self harming at 17). I️ go through extreme emotions and I’m so tired of the muscles aches. I️ haven’t touched things I️ loved in years. However, now that I’m turning 25 in a matter of hours, my anxiety has gotten worse. Suddenly — Now I’m calm and I️ don’t think I️ can make it next year.
Thanks.
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self.depression
|
I feel like I'm broken beyond repair I was abused by my parents my whole childhood. It fucked me up in the head.
I suffer from loneliness a lot. Complete social isolation for the past 4 years.
To cope with the abuse and the periodic years of loneliness I developped addiction**s**.
I already tried to kill myself 3 times. Suffered major clinical depression a few years ago.
I JUST NEED TO TELL THAT TO SOMEBODY
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Back on Meds. OH, MY GOD, THERE'S SO MANY. So, after two years of trying to fight on my own, I am back on meds and I have some questions about interactions.
Here's my new routine:
Lamictal 25 mg before bed.
Lithium 300 mg twice a day
Wellbutrin 75 mg one a day for a week, then 150mg. This is mainly to help me quit smoking.
Adderall 10 mg twice a day (lower dose than I'm used to, but I'm happy about that)
First of all, I didn't see a psychiatrist, he's my new primary care doctor I chose him because he can treat bipolar, anxiety and ADD. Luckily, he's pretty great. Anyway, he asked what I was on before I stopped medication and I just listed everything I ever been treated with.
I'm concerned why he put me on two mood stabilizers. I've been on both individually. I hate lithium but I know I need to be on it. I've been wanting to give Lamictal another chance because I feel like other forces made it difficult the first time I tried.
I told him I wanted to quit smoking but the patch made me anxious and emotional, so that's why the I'm on Wellbutrin (he's aware it might make me manic, and I'm worried about that)
Here are my questions:
Anyone on Lamictal and lithium? Tell me what I should expect?
Any smokers who tried Wellbutrin, Did it work? Has Welbutrin made you manic?
Of course, any information about all these meds will be great.
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self.bipolar
|
Light at the end of the tunnel For what seems like a lifetime I've suffered with depression and anxiety. I didn't see an end only a journey of self torture and denial but now here I am. I've improved a lot and I'm starting to see progression with my social life and work. I've gotten a bit overweight but I'm okay with that as its another thing to put my mind to and overcome. I'd like to say that I'm starting to overcome depression and anxiety but I don't think that at all. I don't believe we can ever truly overcome it but more live with it and flood our lives with things we use to enjoy to enjoy ourselves. We've lived for so long in darkness but we just need to see that it's the choices we make that will affect how we feel and act. Do more stuff that you enjoy and stop thinking everything is shit while you sit alone in your bedroom. Stay safe out there.
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self.depression
|
Orgasm? Has anyone else had issues orgasming while on meds? It is really frustrating and could b potentially damaging the one semi-functional relationship I have.
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self.depression
|
to make my mood stable, i listen a lot of music with different genre's
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self.bipolar
|
Really want to die Got rejected on tinder, in real life, friend recommendations whats the fucking point. All I attract are women I end up sleeping with and dong end up finding attractive even one bit. I'm honestly sick of seeing couples happy I wish I'd die so I wouldn't have to endure this misery.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I had never been happier in my life. Now I've never felt worse. Last December, I met a boy who I fell in love with so quickly. He and I dated for seven months, everything seemed perfect, he even encouraged me to go to college near him so we could continue dating through then.
So I enrolled in a college south of his; my job was going well, I was excited for college, I was excited for everything.
And out of nowhere, he left. He dumped me, told me he just didn't love me anymore, that as cliche as it was, he wanted a fresh start for college.
Now, I'm failing out of college, the boy I'm in love with now has ghosted me, my family barely has room for me in my old house, I have no motivation, no money, and no plan. I have never felt so fucking empty and pointless in my life.
I don't want to exist anymore. I thought I had someone who loved me and wanted to be with me forever, *he said he did, he fucking insisted*. And he lied. I don't feel like I can trust anyone, I don't feel like I have anything left to live for.
The boy I love now stopped talking to me. He told me he wasn't sure what he wants, and then stopped talking to me. My heart aches because I opened up, he was my best friend and I fell in love with him over these past four months, and now he won't even fucking speak to me. I see no point, no fucking point in any of this shit.
All I want is for this fucking lonely, heartbreaking nightmare to end. I can't take this shit anymore. I can't be alone, but I can't manipulate people into sticking around so I haven't told them how hopeless I'm feeling. I just can't do this anymore. I'm so fucking alone, and there is no point in existing if I'm alone. I'm such a piece of shit, and I'm just... I'm just done.
I know people have it worse. Other people's lives are harder. But I'm a weak bitch, and I can't handle this. So I'm just... done.
I think this might really be it.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Been struggling with depression over my background for over 5 years now. Getting worse by the day. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I hate Christmas Since I've got depression I've hated it because of the expectation to be happy and festive. Wish I could just hibernate till it's all over tbh. Does anyone else hate Christmas?
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self.depression
|
Why Why do I have to live in a dysfunctional abusive family, why do I have to be mentally unstable, why do I have to be the worst boyfriend, why does my life have to be full of sadness, why do I have to feel hated by everyone, why do I want to keep on living
|
self.offmychest
|
Men make me want to die all the time I’m a sexual assault survivor, as is my mother and little sister. I got into a fight with a bunch of anarchist white men who argued that its immoral to sentence a rapist to prison because the prison industrial complex is bad and won’t prevent that rapist from raping others while in prison. Of the dozens of rape survivors I know, my little sister is the only one that’s ever gotten justice and it just makes me want to walk in front of moving traffic to think that socially liberal male “feminists” would prioritize their ideology over the human rights of someone like my sister should they have sat on the jury during her trial. It’s one thing to fight against people who are ignorant about sexual assault. It’s another to be up against those who know better.
I wanna die. There’s no point in fighting anymore. I can’t trust anyone anymore. Even my “allies” would actively maintain the status quo of rapists rarely being brought to justice. Dying would be so much easier than fighting a war I can’t win.
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self.depression
|
When does it get better? How long does it take?
A 12 month long hurrang of trying
dozens of different medications (through a doctor of course)
Results? NOTHING
A four month long super health marathon that included going to the gym 3-4 days a week, super healthy eating, daily vitamins, no drinking, and forced positive thinking.
Results? NOTHING
I no longer have depression. It has me. It owns me.
I am a broken man. My spirit is dead.
They tell me, “You’re still so young”
And, “Things will get worse, before they get better”
How much worse? I see no end.
I’m now devoted to the idea of taking my own life. I am at peace with my fate.
But I’m the type that likes to gamble, you see?
It’s like playing slots. Keep on slipping those nickels in. Keep playing. You never know when the machine will throw a couple coins back at you to keep you playing.
That’s how I see it now.
Somebody please. Tell me. When did it finally get better for you? When does this chapter end.
Because I’m ready to close this fuckin’ book.
Thanks for reading. Sorry if none of this made sense.
Love you, friend.
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self.depression
|
Feel like I am the saddest man alive, starting to destroy myself lol I suck at everything, and my whole life has just been sadness, angst and loneliness. I think I have some kind of high functioning autism, and although I seem superficially normal, if you scratch away at the surface you'll notice theres something different about me. I've always tried to fit in, but I just can't, I genuinely feel so alone, and without exaggeration I feel like I don't belong to the human race. Every friendship I've managed to form has failed, despite trying insanely hard, I always seem to be the one nobody takes pictures of and the one that gets excluded from everything. I don't know why god put me on this earth, and I feel so worthless, I don't even want a pulse. I just wish my brain stopped sending electrical impulses to my heart, its only pumping more pain through my body. I try to play videogames to escape, but I'm worse than everyone else, when someone pops out, I get a fight and flight response and I can't move my thumbs with precision. I've always tried to pin my unhappiness to different things - I convinced myself I was ugly and attached everything to that, I convinced myself I had some sort of brain damage after smoking weed for a few months and that was why my life was unbearable, but the fact is, I just suck. I'm coming so close to deleting myself, because I seriously am a waste of space. Nobody can tell me I'm worth an ounce of love, because I'm not, and if I was, then why would I be the only one utterly devoid of it? I've never felt loved my entire life, and the only thing that can stop me from erasing my existence is the dream of one day meeting a beautiful asian girl and falling deeply in love. Looking at the almost 16 years of my life though, if I was capable of being loved, then I would have felt some by now. People just treat me like some kind of alien. My mum just gets on with her own life, getting drunk and having fun, and when I try to talk to her she just says "its just feelings they'll pass" and walks away. Nobody understands, and I wish I could express my pain through words, but it isn't something measurable. It's so deep inside my soul, like I've been dropped off into space and left to die. The only thing I'm good at is creative things, like coming up with ideas, plans and just generally producing things of that nature, but the world doesn't seem to care about that. I'm fed up, the pain won't stop, I've got a headache, my body isn't asking for food and water anymore. I just want to know *right now* if my life will ever reach a point where its worth the breaths of air, the beats of the heart, the pain. I want to prevail, obviously. I might give it another decade if I feel I can wait, but I tried to hang myself yesterday and realised there are better ways. I can't rummage through and conjure up any argument against getting a gram of heroin, some xanax, a bottle of Jack Daniels and disappearing forever
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self.depression
|
Nice guys really do finish last Before you all get judgemental, no I’m NOT talking about being in the friend zone. With that said, I’ll continue.
I always try to be as nice as possible to people whenever I can. I may not have talked to you in over a year, but I’ll talk to you when I see you around. I always message my friends when it’s a holiday or bday to wish them a merry or happy whatever. The thing I’m starting to realize is that no one does it back to me.
No one wished me a merry Christmas. No one tonight had told me happy New Year. No one invites me to anything. No one cares about me. At least that’s what it feels like.
I’m always forgotten about, ignored, or avoided. I don’t understand why. I’m always so nice to everyone. Is it too much to ask for people to be nice to me? I’m not nice to people just so they’re nice to me, I’m nice because it’s how people should treat each other.
But with the way I’m treated, I feel like being nice is just pointless.
|
self.offmychest
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Mania can be funny I stayed up all night hallucinating and tweaking out. Then I decided today to hit the gym and just had the best manic rage workout and now I feel great. It can be a funny little devil sometimes.
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self.bipolar
|
I need help. But the last shrink i went to made me feel like shit and now im never opening up again. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Weighted Blankets Do you have one? Do they work? Where can I find one that isn’t gonna break the bank? I found some on Etsy but wanted to see if anyone else had ordered from them.
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self.Anxiety
|
Don’t know if I have Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar? Sorry if my this doesn’t come out properly, I feel sometimes as if I have so many Things to say, but I don’t know exactly what it is to say. This is mostly a venting.
When I was a kid, I was diagnosed with Depression. I’ve mostly felt depressed my entire life due to emotional, physical and sexual abuse growing up. I was always tired, fatigued, I could barely get up in the morning and do things as simple as brushing my hair, taking a shower, eating, etc.
After I got married, whenever my husband and I would get into arguments, I would feel so overwhelmed with emotions that I would scream and start to hit him, it literally felt like my mind was going to burst, and sometimes I would place my hands on my head to keep my thoughts from blowing up. But then when I would blow up, I would start screaming and hitting things without any discernible purpose.
We just thought I was just an overly emotional person, because we never assumed anything was wrong other than my depression. So we went through several years of that, until a few years ago, I had an emotional affair with someone that literally seemed it came out of NOWHERE. At that time We started going to a doctor for depression where he also diagnosed me with bipolar depression(?), and anxiety. and then prescribed me, vibryyd, then lamictol, trileptol, Zoloft, Gabpentin, (sorry for the spelling) and then finally Wellbutrin. (Not all at the same time just in a period of a year) I also went to a therapist who told me to pretty much divorce my husband and at that time I felt like that was the greatest thing to do, so I went through with it up until the paperwork, and then suddenly decided I didn’t want to go through with it. Around that time I also stopped my affair extremely abruptly; it felt like I literally woke up one day and didn’t want anything to do with that person and situation. Throughout all this time, I’ve had about 15 jobs, either quitting or being fired. I would be really happy for months, I would be excellent at my job, then suddenly I felt like doing nothing, I would lose complete interest and that showed in my quality of work. There was also a point where I drank heavily when I had the affair, to the point where I would be drunk everyday. That feeling to get drunk did go away just as quickly as the feeling to have the affair did as well.
Thankfully my husband and I got through it all, he forgave me and I’ve been extremely consistent with my medicine and trying to make things as easy as possible for my mental health.
My doctor at that time prescribed me Xanax for my anxiety with did not help AT ALL. It made me feel like hell. If I took it and didn’t fall asleep immediately after, my body and bones would feel like they were shaking, and my mind felt like everything was sped up even more. This caused me to jump in front of oncoming traffic to kill myself because the pain was just so bad. I wasn’t harmed thankfully, but I did get baker acted until I weaned my self off the Xanax, which was an incredibly low dose, if I remember correctly. I also put on 20 pound during this time which worsened my depression.
After all this, my doctor took me off Xanax, and lamictol, and just kept me on a new medicine, Wellbutrin CL (300mg) I felt GREAT. I suddenly had all the energy in the world, and was able to get up and do things! I did have some depressive days, but they went away fairly quickly. I was really happy, I thought I found the medicine for me! But it stopped working, I got more depressed and at the same time, I found myself getting More and more irritable, my emotions blew up again, I couldn’t have arguments without screaming in a rage and hitting myself or my husband, and my anxiety was getting worse to the point of being angry and irritated all the time.
Instead of going back to the doctor, we found a new one and he pretty much told me that my old doctor was just treating my depression while my bipolar disorder was not in check. So he decreased my Wellbutrin to 150mg and gave me back my lamictol and added 25mg of seroquel as a sleep aid.
I’m happy that this doctor is really trying to fix what the last doctor messed up, but my concern now is that, what if I just have Borderline personality disorder instead? Someone told me that those people have REALLY intense emotions, which is what I feel now, but I don’t want to diagnose myself, when the doctor already told me I have bipolar disorder. I just have a lot of distrust if that makes sense. Also this seroquel makes me so drowsy, I sleep 12+ hours and all day I feel this grogginess like a zombie almost and I’ve only been at 50 mg- 25mg. I feel calm and relaxed but it feels like my body is so slow. So I’m just worried that this medicine isn’t really for me and just another med that will make me lose my mind. I just don’t know what to feel or if I’m bipolar or just depressed and all this makes my head spin and Feel even more hopeless.
|
self.bipolar
|
I felt suicidal twice last year, both in November and at night time. Is it possible that I can feel suicidal for a 3rd time? November 6th, 2017.
1:00 am Eastern.
November 26th, 2017.
11:00 pm Eastern.
No ideas. I just had the suicidal feeling.
So, is it possible for me to feel suicidal for the 3rd time?
*I'm just curious.*
Boy, it sure does feel **horrible** feeling suicidal.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I am being punished. I must have committed some atrocity in a past life. I must be an awful person. I'm being punished by some higher power. I must suffer. I want to stop eating and drinking and just die because I deserve it.
|
self.depression
|
Convincing pDOC to add wellbutrin to lamictal and olanza/fluox [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
I don't know if I want to be diagnosed Hello, I am 21 years old, I study medicine and I started going to the psychiatrist around September, last year because of an eating disorder. After some sessions with my doctor, I brought up something that had been bothering me for years: my suspicion of suffering ADHD (I might elaborate on that on another post if needed). Anyways, she said I had to get a kind of screening to discern between ADHD and a probable personality disorder. So, cut to my screening when I mention the psychologist that I have a kind of cycling depression, that I had been considering as dysthymia for years, but mostly, it's just like getting moderately depressed for some weeks, then normal, then really severely depressed sometimes. She asked me questions that resembled those for a diagnosis of bipolarity. Now, I have always adjudicated what are mania-like symptoms to anxiety, but mostly, because I have always been afraid of suffering from bipolar disorder. I feel like, maybe I would just choose to do nothing about it; I feel like it has no way out and no way to get better. Anyways, I do believe I have it, upon further observation, but I am too afraid to explain to my doctors. Is this normal? What should I do? How should I take this? Thanks for reading.
|
self.bipolar
|
Am I crazy Three years ago I was diagnosed bipolar type2 with gad schizophrenia and ptsd. Tried several med cocktails but all of them made it harder to function due to a zombie like state. I've been hospitalized six times in three years, lost my job, family distanced themselves from me and my friends are non existent. Four months ago I got kicked out of my moms apartment and lost all my meds.
So I went cold turkey lost contact with my pdoc GP and case manager then two months ago I started to feel better? Wasn't feeling down felt like I could do anything so I enrolled in trucking school. 7k later I find out a diagnosed bipolar or schizophrenia makes you unqualified to hold a CDL A. So I hid it from my employer. My concern now is what if I've been hypomanic this whole time. I get disability hence I have a cell phone. The voice are more pronounced the more I think about it. I just don't want to be homeless no more please help
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm looking to talk to someone to understand bipolar disorder a little more. Signs, symptoms, etc. I just need help. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
I've started to hit myself I dont really understand why I'm doing it but sometimes it just overcomes me and I hit myself for a moment and then I try to go on.I usually hit my fore-head, probably so punish my stupid brain, but sometimes i hit my Keyboard when I'm too dissapointed by myself. This feeling mostly comes when I play online shooter and I'm a let-down for my team.
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self.depression
|
Just a small motivation for all the ppl who are thinking about or tried to kill themselfs:) [removed]
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self.depression
|
Procrastination and moving - a rant of failure. In all shortness I just moved and tomorrow at noon I gotta hand in the keys for the old flat, but here I am on the floor in my old flat and have yet to empty all the cupboards in the kitchen and do all the cleaning.
There's at least one large car load worth of things to move and I havent got a car or a license - so cant even rent a car and get it done. First I thought to walk with things (only moved a few blocks), like I have already done two times, but it's notably difficult to do so (and since it's getting late I'm contemplating a taxi. One can use a taxi for this, right?).
I've had months to get this all done but of course here I am having procrastinated like hell and dealt with anxiety by knocking myself out cold to sleep. And since the support system is 99% parents I keep silent about this and dont wanna bother them more than this move already has. So yet again I've put myself in an utterly idiotic position of misery.
Tomorrow comes with work again but I am honestly contemplating calling in sick and dealing with this shit between morning and noon instead of now (been here all day and it is now late evening).
Another sad part is that today has actually been a very productive day compared to what I normally pull off.
And this just sucks. Landing myself in this position sucks, getting myself out of this position sucks. When it's done and over with it will still suck.
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self.depression
|
Just an incomprehensible mess All i do is complain about *random name for boyfriend* Adam. Thats all i do to my friends. I comlain about how he isnt good to me and how he hurts me and hes even pushed me into lying to my firends. Hes stolen from me, he doesnt seem to care that much, he never really says much either. Hes embarrased to be seen with me most of the time. He always just wants to hook up. He wont respect my boundaries and i feel obliged to do these things that dont feel right to me. He was going to hook up with *name of exchange student from when he was in highschool* Brittany when she comes to visit even after he saw how much it would hurt me. He never told me that he wouldnt do it. Thats what i told my firends. I lied to them for him. Thats what i wanted to happen. But it wasnt like that at all. I lied about it because i knew my friends thought i was an idiot for staying with him and i just needed to shut them up because i knew i wasnt going to do anything about it because im pathetic and love im. I do. Well from what i know about love. I care so much about him, i really do. He means so much to me. It kills me thinking about him smoking. It kills me when i think about him doing cocaine. And it hurts so bad thinking about him being with another girl. But i gave him an open relationship so he could go for it anyway. I compromised because i care about his needs, and i care about him and i didnt want him to leave me. So i give in and i do what he wants, because otherwise he'll just leave me because im just not good enough. But i love him, and i dont think he will ever love me.
To be continued next time I need to vent. -🃏
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self.depression
|
My friend is having panic attacks everyday, how can i help her? She's been having panic attacks for 2 weeks now, almost everyday. She works at a hospital. One day she went to the ER when she was having a panic attack and the ER doctor told her to make an appointment for a Psychiatrist. She wants to see a psychiatrist but her parents don't think it's necessary. She lives with them and they are very controlling so it's not possible for her to go see one alone. It's really hard for her these days to talk to people even. She's becoming really distant. Is there anything I can do to help her? I'll be back in town for christmas so I can't see her until then.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I need advice I've been struggling with what I feel is anxiety for the past year now and only recently has it gotten worse to a point where it's affecting my everyday life. I don't so much struggle with people it's more or less myself for example I overthink minor inconveniences a lot like a good few times a day for example a friend not hearing what I said eventually becomes them hating me and not actually wanting to be my friend something like that that's the base. I won't go into too much detail but what stems off of that is thoughts of being and feeling worthless like I'm not good enough for anyone and that I'm undeserving of the good things given to me but then another thought stems off of that one which would be something along the lines of me thinking how stupid I was acting and then another thought after that and so on. Another little thing I'd like to add is that that I seriously struggle seeing my own self worth and how much I mean to my friends and family (who are all amazing by the way I love them all so much). Eventually on fairly rare occasions those thoughts tend to lead to depression, paranoia that people around me hate me and don't want anything to do with me, dissociation with reality and then finally the rock bottom of that would be thoughts of suicide (though I've never acted out on these thoughts or would ever want to) and the occasional anxiety attack where I feel nauseous, my heart beats really fast, my limbs feel like jelly, heavy breathing, I feel panicked and I just want to get out of the situation as quickly as possible. Other than that though I'm quite optimistic and I tend to be a genuinely upbeat and happy person! I'm seeing someone about these problems but I just thought I'd ask if anyone has any extra advice they could give if things start to get a bit out of control.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Today I have 0 money in my bank account and I want to kill myself I work full time and just got paid, but I’ve fallen behind on my taxes. Like faaar behind. And today when I checked my bank account it said zero. I’ve heard the local government takes it out of your account without notice but never thought it would happen to me. It’s my own fault. I know. I’ve spent too much money on food and going out. But it sucks. I’ve cried all my tears out and now I kinda wanna die.
I’m not going to kill myself over this but kinda just want everything to be over and disappear.
Just want to get this off my chest.
|
self.offmychest
|
im sorry it had to be this way i just want to go home wherever that might be
|
self.depression
|
Is unfaithfulness in relationships something to accept as an inevitability, or is it just my anxiety? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
How did meditation worked out for you? I just started reading books and watching videos, but I wanted to know what you think about it.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Suicidal feelings getting worse, depression and anxiety not going away, and medication not helping...I don't know what to do. I'm a second year university student and things have just been so bad lately in terms of my depression. I feel so isolated at school. What's really affecting me is I'm losing friends or things just aren't the same with some friends I used to call "best friends" and I don't know if it's me but they've all found new friends except for me so I feel so alone at school and at home.
I'm also doing really bad in school too and I feel like such a failure. I just feel so numb to the point where I didn't even study for my winter exam and just accepted my failure in courses. I even skipped midterms, where I was just about to enter the room and write it and I decided not to and went home.
I'm on Cipralex (10 mg) and Abilify (4 mg) but they're not working and I still think about suicide everyday. I'm not able to see my psychiatrist until 2 weeks later, but it's been so bad these few days and I'm scared because I'm thinking about killing myself that I upped my medication by myself to 20 mg of Cipralex just because I can't take this sadness and emptiness anymore.
I don't know what to do. I feel like no one can help me and it's been 4 years since my depression began and I'm still thinking about killing myself. Maybe I should just do it. Someone please help.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I went to a therapist and they wanted to send me to a day clinic [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I want to just hang myself 27 years old. No skills. No friends. No social skills. I'm just a body taking up oxygen my mind is trailing off. I just dont want to exist. Why is it so hard to be happy? Why is everthg'fsd/
I just want a life. I dont know. I just want to hasng my self. Hopefully I can do it right and it snaps my neck. bubble bubble bubble asdSFD V BREW
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self.SuicideWatch
|
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