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No hope for change, thinking about giving up. My depression around the holidays usually sky rockets, i know I'm not the only one. It also doesn't help that my birthday is tomorrow, i turn 23. I have nothing to show for it, I'm at the same position i was last year, Same job, no SO, and still depressed. I have a carer i would love to start but i cant even do the small things to start it. Which makes me feel worse and more worthless, and I'd rather be gone than do another year of this, I don't see my life getting much better.
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self.depression
|
Is depression addictive? I ask because it feels like I don't want to leave this misery. Like it's my "home base" of feelings, my normal. I quit the most successful job I had 2 years ago, and quit the last job I had 3 months ago. I don't want to do anything, not even get out of bed. Everyone asks me how the job hunt is going. I haven't even touched my resume to job search. Not because I am being lazy -- I literally open up my editing page and stare at the screen for hours. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.
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self.depression
|
When I wake it starts like a candle flame .in a while there anxiety is going to become like a wildfire consuming my very being
|
self.Anxiety
|
You don't hear about the ugly side of surviving a suicide attempt When you hear about someone surviving an attempt, it's a powerful story about recovery. About how they came to realize that they still have the desire to live, or that they found desire to find something to live for. Even if it wasn't immediate, they eventually came to value life again, at least enough to give it one more chance. How they realized how much the people in their lives would have been affected if they were gone, and suddenly broken relationships were set on a slow-but-sure path to healing. How they now have amazing people in their lives and how glad they are they didn't die that day. They found a love they never knew was there.
I wish I could say that was my experience. Mine was one of shame and humiliation. Of being made to wish I really did die. My family shamed me for it. They made me feel pathetic and treated me like I did something criminal. They complained about the inconvenience of having the police show up at our building and having the hospital bill them. And when the hospital pressed me to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist, they made me tell the psychiatrist that I didn't mean to do it, that I was okay and that it wasn't serious. And I did, because I felt that shame in full force. It broke me, forcing a smile and telling her I was okay. And her believing me and letting me go. My family made a point in never speaking about it again, lest anyone find out and embarrass the family. I dropped out of school after it happened. And I suddenly found myself with no friends. They were all moving on to 3rd year and I was going nowhere. I could send texts and get short replies but I soon realized that nobody wanted to talk to me. Nobody wanted me. So I convinced myself that I didn't need anyone. That hasn't worked out too well.
You can reassure me that the people in my life were bad and that I should find better people who care. But how am I to know who the "right" people are? The people I was born to, the friends I grew up with, who I thought cared about me, didn't. And there was no way to know that until it was too late. And what are the odds that every person in my life was just a bad person? When I read stories of people who's families and friends rallied to their sides, people who found new friends and met partners that made life worth living, it just seems so surreal. It feels unreal. Worse, it feels out of reach. Where do I find that? Why can't I have that? I guess there are some things some people are just not meant to have. My struggle now is coming to terms with all that I cannot have, which seems to be just about everything worth living for.
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self.offmychest
|
I'm autistic it doesn't mean I'm stupid So I'm 21. The ripe age of where every normal person is hooking up, getting drunk and what not. But everyone I ever speak to automatically treats me like I'm a child.
I'm not stupid. I got a degree by 20 and then went into working. But still every damn shit on the face of the earth talks to me really slowly, as if I can't understand what is going on.
In a social circle, once one person latches on to it, the rest of their associates either avoid me completely or just use me as bait for their sick laddish jokes.
It's now started in my family. My older cousins won't speak to me at all. Because I'm 'not cool' or 'a real man' who plays soccer and has lots of girls.
There's also an ongoing theme where whenever people hug each other and I'm there, they automatically skip me out and say "he doesn't like contact"
WTF is that meant to mean.....
I get it. I'm odd. ;(
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self.offmychest
|
Expectations physically killing me. So I'm a first year ESL teacher about 5 months off the (proverbial) boat. I've been actually teaching in class for about 4 months or so. The hard part is as an ESL ALT (Assistant Language Teacher), I'm taking on a multitude of schools (7 to be exact) from leaving predecessors. Issue being my preds were literally 5 years into their jobs with incoming teaching experience. I'm almost a year out of college with none bar tutoring. My preds were also fantastic teachers whose experience basically meant that teachers could relax when planning classes cause they had ideas and games aplenty. I have...none of that. So now my teachers that I work with are expecting me to keep up the same magnitude of efficiency that these 5th years had at the end of their term. I'm slowly drowning here because God forbid I experience any grievances or physical signs of discomfort in this damn culture.
Don't get me wrong, I really do love my job. Working with young people is fun because I like seeing how they grow and develop and what lessons they learn. It's an environment that's really interesting to me. Unfortunatelty, the high expectations are constantly weighing down on me. Literally started binge eating from the stress, little sleep because I panic at the thought of going to some of my schools, and effectively became a shut-in because I'm stuck in the simultaneous ideas of "If you have time to go out and socialize, you have time to get better at your job, trash," and "What's the point if every earnest attempt is just failure; they're just gonna shit all over what you come up with again, so might as well stay in bed." I have literally been destroying my body in order to not have to feel the intense guilt I have for not being able to match a 5-year experienced teacher in 5 months. Winter break ends on Tuesday and I dread having to go into work like "sorry, no good ideas because I scrapped all of them 15 minutes into working because no idea is good enough."
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm not depressed, but i want to die? can anyone relate?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I just want to isolate myself for a while. Everyday I think of how nice it would be to escape for a year or two. I honestly don’t want to die; I just want a break. My anxiety, panic attacks, and depression are just too much for me at the moment. I’m always worrying about what people think of me, and I’m always afraid people are going to reject me because I’m not good enough. This may stem from the fact I’m a 17 year old girl, but I believe what I’m feeling is too intense and distressful to be normal. On top of this, I have other obsessive thoughts that keep me on edge and panicked about 70-90% of my waking hours.
The worst part is that I don’t even feel like going to school anymore. School used to be my escape— my distraction— but now I don’t want to go because it means I’ll have to see other people and that gives me too much anxiety. The past three years of making almost straight 100’s may go straight down the drain. I’ve stopped replying to my friends when they text me and I can barely bring myself to form a response. They’re so good and kind to me, but they don’t understand what I’m going through. I feel like a horrible person.
I honestly think if I were able to get away and isolate myself for a while that I could get better. I think I’m just too overwhelmed at the moment by so many different stresses and trials. I’ve always been a bit introverted but never to this point. I just want to get away and protect myself from any more pain.
Sorry for the rant. I’ll probably delete this later, but it felt good to get it off my chest.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Saturday night with a bottle of wine alone. Very lonely. Drop a comment and let’s talk. No topic is off limits [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Is getting married or even being in a relationship truly worth the stress? Idk maybe it’s because I have had only bad experiences....but still I know a lot of married couples/people relationships and I can honestly say I never get jealous at all. Don’t get me wrong I definitely have never had issues with being faithful I would absolutely love to be able to have one person I can give all of myself to so it’s not about that. It’s constantly having to please another person and at the same time cater to all of the issues and flaws they have while hoping they do the same for you in return. Also it is my absolute worst fear to spend years with someone get married and have kids just for them to cheat on me or decide they don’t love me anymore I would flip the fuck out. So I’m curious to know what exactly are the perks of being committed to someone?
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self.offmychest
|
My heart physically hurts I can’t breathe, I’m too sad and the worst thing is that I don’t have any specific reason to feel this way, not at the moment at least.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone feel like sleep resets all of the mental talking you do to yourself to fight your anxiety every day? I usually wake up with anxiety, and immediately go into self talking and by the end of the day I’m able to call out the irrational thoughts and work things out, but then I go to sleep and it resets and I forget everything I reasoned out the day before...
|
self.Anxiety
|
Coming down form r/SuicideWatch back to depression after a bad week. The past week has been rough, To the point where i was ready to give it up. Today i have decided with in the next few weeks i would give myself a routine to do even if it is a small one it is to get myself out of this rut and cycle of feeling low all the time. I also decided within the week i want to make a video explaining how i feel during these bad slumps and everyday life dealing with depression for over 20 years without seeking treatment and help. Of course this is not self promotion about said video. This is me trying to kick start and give myself a boot in the booty to start fighting depression today i am still a little sad the feeling of being alone never really leaves but i hope in doing this and writing out how i am feeling like right now will help begin the process of getting back from a hellish week of beating myself up and crying.
Lately i've been beating myself up more then usually because my grandmother passed away at the end of aug, so now its just me and my uncle living in her house, but he would level for 10-15 days at a time for work and i would just be left home alone. Left to my thoughts and no one around. This is why im hoping a routine change other then waking up showering and then playing 12 hours of video games a day to keep my mind from wondering will help. Anways this is just another depressed post with a hopeful outcome for here on out.
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self.depression
|
Thought I would be much better this far along...[LONG] Nope, haven’t been around for a while. Got to a good point in life, even though I lost my dear aunt in the summer of 2015. Went back to work that fall, completed an advanced education degree this summer, got inducted into an honor society for teachers...everything pretty good...every now and then, some evenings of the “sinking pit” of depression that I would have to pray through and try to find something uplifting (r/awww for one)...
This time...took on an extra prep at school, fatigue setting in even though I’m taking extra B12 (stomach/acid meds may be creating a deficiency), father passed away suddenly this fall, had to take a week off to go 7 hours away, pay for his funeral and get his bills/debts settled out as executor (he was in debt way more than anyone in the family knew)...and my wonderful counselor had to go on extended medical leave, 2nd one...just not working. 3rd one...I’m seeing her for the 3rd time next week (lucky for her, the following events came to a head the same day as our appointment)...
I have simply never gotten back any mojo. Not sure I had it in the first place. This past Monday I got evaluated (was running late and couldn’t find some of our lab equipment right off) and got SHREDDED for it. After 7 years full time, I am now beholden to turn in weekly lesson plans to a person who hasn’t been working as long as me, just “higher up”...not to mention this person comes off as very condescending at times.
Just...tired of all my life, being “shattered” when I’m told I’ve done something wrong. No one to tell me how to fix it...just always felt like I was being mocked for not being “perfect”...neither parent seemed to understand. Too many instances through my life where “no one wants to work with you...you’ve had phone calls...this is an ongoing problem with you...well, I’m telling you NOW there is a problem!!”
If you are the praying sort, please pray for some more stability. Even for a “kindred soul” I can discuss this with. Even if you want to send “good vibes” my way...and yes, I’m following up with Counselor #3 this coming week...going to pursue the idea that I might even be bipolar?? Definitely highly sensitive...just want to be stronger...:)
|
self.Anxiety
|
I am tormented by the thought that I might be a sexual predator I am really sorry for the long story, but this has been bothering me like hell. I am a 24 year old man. When I was 16 I was crushing on a girl, who we will call Sarah, who was also a friend. We made out on two occasions, but she said she didn't want to be in a relationship for a bunch of reasons. We did remained friends though.
A couple of weeks after she made it clear it couldn't work, I invited Sarah and her friends to a mutual friend's party. We were all sober at first, but like any High school party we all got tipsy quickly. At one point Sarah's best friend approcahed me to have a heart to heart conversation with me on Sarah's behalf, in which she tried to make me feel better and understand that sarah didn't want to be in a relationship then. I took the advice for what it was worth and continued partying and became more drunk along with my friends.
Later that night I ran into Sarah (who was even more drunk at this point) as I was leaving from an upstairs bathroom. She was not with her friends. As soon as I said hi to her she approached for a hug, at which point she wrapped her legs around me and we started making out. I was obviously super happy this was happening at the time and we proceeded getting frisky while those few people around us did nothing. At my direction we went to a bedroom for privacy where I locked the door and continued heavy petting and taking off clothes. She asked me to finger her which I did, while she grabbed my junk.
I should never have allowed things to go that far.
As this went on I asked If we could have full sex to which she said no. Once she said this I respected her wishes and didn't go any further. After a while of more making out and sexual touching her friends started banging on the locked bedroom door, whihc they eventually broke in and angrily split us up.
When we were sober Sarah was obviously upset and I apologized and admitted that I was drunk. Her and her freinds seemed to understand and attribute it to us both being wasted. In the months after we almost never spoke and she gave me the cold shoulder.
After HS we went down separate paths and have not spoken since. In the years since, she has deleted me on social media.
For the last 8 years I have been tormented by the guilt of what happened. Even though I never attacked or forced myself on her, and was also really drunk, I did sexual things with her while she wasn't sober and I am constantly ashamed of this. This is a fuck up that causes me guilt every day of my life and makes me disgusted with myself.
The ongoing news about a tonne of sexual abuse comitted by Celebrities like harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey has made these kind of feelings guilt me hard. The thought that I could be like these people in any way is absolutely sickening and makes me feel like a manipulative predator and giant piece of shit. At the same time I have trouble expressing how totally sorry I am and I fear reaching out after all this time will stir up a lot of bad shit and will also be kind of creepy.
EDIT: TLDR - I failed to do more to prevent a drunken sexual encounter with my friend and I am unendingly guilted and disgusted by the thought of what I did/didn't do.
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self.offmychest
|
Accepting Change I've struggled with depression and anxiety since I was in my teens and now it feels worse than usual. I've realized that my grandparents will never be young again and things can't go back to the way they were.
My grandma has Alzheimer's and she used to cook regularly and her food was amazing. She broke her knee earlier this year and she's afraid to move around anymore. My grandfather is legally blind and he's more tired than ever because he's my grandmother's main care taker. Everyone else in my family works and goes to school and it's almost impossible to help my grandparents out the way they need. We're Latino and a nursing home is not an option, but someone to help my grandparents around isn't. They live in my mom's house and my brothers do, too. My grandfather is adamant that he won't accept some stranger into the house.
This feels hopeless because I know the end is near for my grandparents regardless of whether or not they get help and I've never had to deal with the death of someone close to me. Things will never get better for them. Someday my mom will be in the same position. Someday I'll be in the same position. I'm usually pretty good at accepting that death is a fact of life but right now I just don't see why we work so hard every day just to lose our ability to do things independently and die.
|
self.depression
|
Great For Weeks Then It Hits &Takes Days To Come Down Wondering if anyone has problems where your anxiety is under control for a few weeks and then anxiety hits but stays with you for almost a week. I seem to have an anxiety attack, then slowly recover over the course of like 4-5 days. In those days I’m not having an anxiety attack but its high.
The other part of this is that I hate any medication and when I go to the doctor I have high blood pressure and a high pulse due to my anxiety because typically my anxiety is triggered due to health concerns (and there’s never anything wrong) and that’s why I’m at the doctors.
I’m seeing a therapist now and am going to try rolling with a Cognitive Triangle as she recommended so I’ll update with that in here.
|
self.Anxiety
|
i dont know maybe im just not treating my depression correctly. or im underestimating it?
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self.depression
|
How does it feel to not have anxiety? I've had anxiety and OCD since I was 3 years old. My husband doesn't have anxiety and says he rarely feels anxious or anxiety. He did have a mental breakdown a few years ago and had a couple of panic attacks, but with therapy and meditation He quickly recovered. He says stressful stuff like job interviews, tests, car accidents, pets being sick cause him to feel anxious but not overwhelmed. Is that how normal people feel? Everyone in my family has an anxiety disorder so It seems so foreign to me.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Mood stabilizers make it hard to carry conversations Before I was on Lamictal I used to have easy conversations with people. My anxiety often made me self-crirical I would say, but I would always warm up and be able to have a great conversation.
On this new mood stabilizer I'm finding that difficult. My emotions are well, more stable, so the highs that I would feed off to keep the conversation going are no longer there.
Has anyone else had this issue? How did you handle it?
|
self.bipolar
|
Is it still depression if it isn’t constant, more like cyclical? I honestly go through a cycle where I start off very depressed. Every month, for almost a week, I have anxiety attacks, or I’ll start sobbing out of no where. When my friends ask why I’m so quiet or distant, I tell them that I have a lot going on but it’s not even that. I feel like my depression makes me feel as if too much is going on around me when in reality, my life is pretty stable.
Anyways, I spend the first few nights crying or simply refusing to do anything productive. Afterwards, I begin to get better to the point where I believe I have overcome my depression. I have had so many days where I think I’m no longer going to feel as low as I had before. For a while I’m fine until the cycle starts all over again. It gets to the point where I’m scared of the week to come because I know it’s difficult for those around me to help me. I’ve seen on websites where they say depression is long term so am I really dealing with depression or is this something else?
|
self.depression
|
Some jerk stole my drink
At the mall in the food court I ordered one pepsi from a vending machine but three pepsis were dispensed( apparentlymachine was broken)and before I knew it someone snuck up behind me and started grabbing two of the pepsis. When I turned around I found out it was some fucking asian b!tch that took my drinks. She took my drinks and put them in a fridge in the nearby chinese restaurant that she works at. Fucking ch!nk didn't even say a damn word when she stole them. God I can't fucking stand them.
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self.offmychest
|
My marriage is over, no matter how hard I try to fix it. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Anyone else... awake and anxious? Fell asleep for a few hours, but now awake and upset. Just feel like I need someone to talk to.
|
self.Anxiety
|
People don't care about you, and it sucks TLDR: In our society, adults don't matter and no one has sympathy for us, although we have feelings, fears, and we contribute to the machine society runs on.
It seems like the older we get, the less people care. People only care about kids, teens, the elderly, and even animals, but if you're between the ages of 18-60, forget about getting any sympathy. We're useless, right? That's why I don't share my personal life, problems, and struggles with anyone besides my parents (I'm 25, BTW).
I actually genuinely feel bad for adults when something bad happens to them, but other people around me either ignore it or laugh about it, which is honestly very SICK in my opinion. If you think about it, we have to be the strongest ones of the population. We have to grind, work, contribute to society, whether we're sick or hurting, mentally or physically. We have to pay our way, and hide our feelings. We feel pain. As adults, we are hyper-aware of pain, struggling, and fear, even more than kids. We aren't as protected and we have to sometimes walk through fire. We begin to understand what the world is about and all the complexities and bullshit that the world consists of.
I also hate hearing people say, "I'd save an animal's life before I'll save a humans," which makes me very angry. Not saying tthat i hate animals.
I'm not trying to be a baby, and I suck it up everyday, but sometimes it hurts and makes me want to completely turn into a bitter, hateful person, but we don't need more of that in this world, do we?
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self.depression
|
Don't see the point in living I don't even know what to put here. I screwed up again. Like usual. I think I'm just really good at that. Right now I want to die more than anything. I'm thinking about taking an overdose and just ending it all. That sounds amazing. I'm so depressed and keep cutting myself. It's all pointless. I don't want to live. I never have. I have no friends or family so it's not like anyone would even miss me. I should just do it.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Feeling like everyone would be much happier without me. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Poem on how I feel Just need to get it off my chest.
*You're So Happy*
"You're so happy!"
"You're so carefree!"
"Its fun around you!"
I smile, "Good
I'm no nuisance,
I'm no bother"
I want to be happy
Only way to fight
The war against it
But there is no winning
I'm only defending
I am only holding on
Defending with shields
Built out of happiness
Built out of joy
But its impure
Its not real
It can't hold
Being ignored
Being alone
All pierce the facade of happiness
Shattered and destroyed
Weak and ashamed
I can't call out
Help
|
self.depression
|
I want to buy a gun to kill myself, but I'm afraid of wasting the money if I fail If I fail/get caught by my boyfriend, is there a way to return the gun and get my money back?
|
self.depression
|
People staring at me makes me furious Does anyone else hate it when other people stare? In my case, it usually happens when I'm in a mixed episode and I start getting paranoid at people in the street. Today I was having a "normal" day, but I've been feeling a bit on edge lately. I've had a few mild visual hallucinations (seeing a strange aura around an object, feeling like someone is staring at me out of the corner of my eye...). As you can see, they're all very mild and meaningless. Still, they made me feel a bit paranoid, and I have been lured by some dark thoughts today.
The thing is, my grandma is staying with us these days, and even though I love her, she can be a bit too much sometimes. She asks the same questions over and over, and she feels like she has to make small talk everytime we meet in the hallway or anywhere else. I have to fake it all the time, and I feel mentally exhausted.
Back to the staring thing, we were having lunch (she sits next to me), and she kept staring at me from time to time. It made me so mad I started clutching my fork, and I had to end up taking Diazepam.
Does this happen to anyone else? Any tips? My pdoc told me to take Diazepam everytime I feel this way, but I wish there were some other alternatives...
|
self.bipolar
|
I am so FUCKING scared I want to cry I live in a box truck. I was in the middle of making it a home when I got the call. I took off immediately. I didn't think it through. Now I'm in the middle of Texas with a cardboard sign trying to make enough gas money to see my grandma one last time.
I'm scared I won't get there in time. I'm scared I'll get stuck here. I'm a fucking basket case right now.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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self.offmychest
|
Kill my self I want to die tonight I'm tired of living and always hiding my self behind a mask
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
im really scared of my future im honestly terrified of the thought of turning 30 years old. ill be 25 really soon. im tired, emotionally. i feel 60. im still in the same place as i was when i was 12, mentally and physically. im still dealing with the same unsolved disorders with no real solution in sight, i still live in the same house with dad, i still have no friends, i still have no opportunities. if i died right now, no one outside of my immediate family would be affected. i wouldnt need to be replaced in any sense bc i really dont provide anything to start with
i cant imagine my life past 30. i dont feel like im choosing that...i want a desire to live past 30. but i feel like it just has to end there
so ive got probably 5 years to fix my shit...and what if i dont?? what if i try my absolute best for the next 5 years... just to end up still in the same place. i want a life thats worthwhile and i dont feel ready to die soon. but what if i just cant do it. i cant get rid of this thought that you only get one life, one chance, and mines been mostly fucking *wasted*. already. trying hasnt made a fucking difference...ive been trying my best for years but i still need more but what else is there? if my best isnt enough to make an improvement then what is???
im so tired and scared and i just want to be happy before i die
|
self.depression
|
Holy shit... The truth about my life difficulties has just been revealed to me. All the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Jesus. How do I even start. All of this is so obvious and yet for years I haven't been able to grasp what's been happening with me in the past 12 years (I'm now 22).
I'll start with the context. I've been dealing with depressive thoughts and anxiety for a period of about 5 years now and haven't been able to pinpoint the exact reasons for why I felt about myself the way I did (yeah, the imfamous "brain fog").
I managed to finish school with "good enough" grades and enroll at a nice university. I have been an alright student for the most part and been successful with all the exams/challenges that came my way. But in late 2015 (the last year of my bachelors programme) I started noticing that I was not actually satisfied with my education, in fact - I didn't even like most of the courses. That dissatisfaction had lead to me questioning whether or not I should continue the chosen academic path and whether a master's degree in that specialization was worth investing an additional 2 years into or not. At that time I thought to myself: "Of course I should go on with my education, it's a no brainer!". Well, things started getting really bad this year when the time for my dissertation to be written has finaly come. Oh, how much was I procrastinating while having no coherent idea of the subject for my thesis... This struggle made me wonder why it's so difficult for me to come up with good ideas and that's exactly when the revelation came.
FAKE. Faking. I've been faking everything since age 11. My middle school education, my interest in university courses, "friends". Everything was fake.
I'm yet to fully grasp all the details and circumstances of the moment I turned from being a clever, curios and inquisitive boy to someone who felt the need to fake everything. But I know for a fact that it all happened when I stopped hanging out with well-behaved kids and made friends with a kid who acted like a hooligan all the time. Oh well...
It's kind of shameful to arrive at such conclusion when I'm a 22-year old guy but I guess better late than never. The new road is ahead of me and I'm both scared and intrigued...
|
self.depression
|
Dog owners having guests over at Christmas, remember your guests don’t have to conform to your dogs. I used to own a dog years ago, dogs are great, I love dogs. But not everyone loves dogs. I am so sick of dog owners with the view of “I love my dog, he is the friendliest dog, and a part of our family, therefore, everyone needs to love and adore and put up with my slobbering stinky animal because he is simply amazing”
No, some people don’t like dogs, some have deep rooted fears of dogs, some just don’t like animals, some have been attacked by dogs. It doesn’t matter the reason, if your guests express their dislike for dogs in general, you a) do not get offended, and b) you do not dismiss it as nothing.
My great aunt got bitten by a dog randomly when she was in her late 80s. For the rest of her life she would visibly shake if a dog was near her. Did my brother give a shit? Pffbttt no, because his dog is a “nice dog”
Which is even funnier, because his own son was bitten at a backyard barbecue, where the hosts “nice dog” bit him. Now my nephew is nervous around dogs, even his own. But who cares about his feelings, the dogs are “part of the family.”
Last night we were at a relatives house, my 6 year old has always been afraid of dogs, one charged at us when she was little, and she’s been terrified since. Especially dogs larger than her.
So this big stinky slobbering Newfoundland dog walks by her, and my daughter starts whimpering and recoiling in fear. The dogs owner just says “it’s ok, it’s ok, he’s one of the family”
Then says “he’s part of the family that gave you those gifts”
Holy fucking guilt manipulation on my 6 year old. If it was any other place, I would have countered that. But I tried to be nice and explain that she is just fearful of dogs.
The owner then said “ but she needs to understand that he’s a nice dog and part of the family”
I bit my tongue, because the answer is NO, you have to understand that she doesn’t like dogs, she’s a small child, and you should move your big, sick, slobbering dog elsewhere to make her comfortable.
Dog owners are literally the worst.
|
self.offmychest
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people trying to give you advice when they don’t know anything about your life i’m 22, i live with my parents. i have a part time job but other than that i really just play video games and spend time with my boyfriend.
i woke up this morning and went downstairs and my mom decided to have this big talk with me about how if i’m unhappy with my life i need to do things to change it and i’m not working towards any goals. except ! i am ! i’m not happy with my job and even though i’m not looking for a new one now there’s reason for that! i’m gonna be a keyholder soon, which looks good on a resume and it also looks bad for me to have 3 jobs all lasting less than a year so i’m waiting stuff out for my resume to look better. then she told me i need to take a break. but that’s not how life works? you can’t just take a break from everything? especially when you have a job and even if you could it doesn’t matter! because as soon as that breaks over you’re going back to the same shit that made you unhappy in the first place! and i’m just wasting my life away playing video games in my room and talking to people on the internet but i need to find *real* friends that i can go out and do things with but i don’t even LIKE going out and maybe i should go back to school but that sounds like a mental breakdown waiting to happen because it’s been that way literally every other time i’ve tried to go back to school and idk i’m ranting now i’m just super annoyed with everything right now
TL;DR: don’t try to tell people what they need to do with their life when they’re already trying their best to get things done
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self.depression
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Losing faith People around me has started losing faith in me. I want to keep on living, but i can't live and socialize with other people. People who used to be nice to me slowing distancing themselves from me. I loved myself and i believe that better days will come, but i keep crying myself everyday, even in a public. Sometimes, i feel the only right decision for me is suicide, not for myself but for people around me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I am called for jury duty this Wednesday. I’ve never done it before and am scared/anxious For those who have done jury duty, how scary/hard was it?
This Wednesday I’ve been called to go for jury duty in the (large) city I live in. I’ve never had to go before and have been dreading it since I got the notice..
I have to call for more information tomorrow and even that seems daunting. I feel ashamed to be this scared of something that everyone does, but it’s not helping that every time I mention it people react with dread and tell me that it sucks and say “I hope you don’t get called for a case/chosen” as if it’s something frightening (though I know it’s just a drag to most people, at least I think that’s what they mean).
My job isn’t the type of job that is salaried, and I work for a few places, but technically have been paid by one of my jobs in advance but would need to make up the work on my own time if I needed to miss (like for jury duty).. (sorry if this doesn’t make sense) and I don’t know what I should write on the form to explain where it says salaried or no, just because I don’t want to accidentally get it wrong. Basically I’m just freaking out and stressed.
Thanks for listening!
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self.Anxiety
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Goal Setting Sunday 2.18.18 I feel like weekly was too often for this kind of thread, but maybe every other week might be good. Anyway I find it helps to set some clear goals for the future to work towards and some users have told me this thread helps them too, so let's share. What do you want to work toward in the next couple weeks?
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self.bipolar
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I'm destined for hell, I just know it. Might as well get it over with (and why I'm an evil animal) Huge argument today with my brother (background is we were both abused as children, fyi). We have these every so often. He says horrible things to me, but I'm always the one to instigate it due to our messed up childhood. He called me evil and an animal. Thing is, he's right. I am an animal. I was wondering recently what makes us human (or a human animal, if you prefer). Certain birds and even bears can count. Ants and other creatures create "cities". Some animals use tools, and other primates may even be spiritual (https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2016/03/chimpanzee-spirituality/475731/).
Do we have souls and animals don't? No one knows.
So, I think, what makes us human? Each other.
I've been outcast from that. I've been treated like a non-human because I can't act like a human animal.
Am I evil? Possibly. I don't know. I haven't done Hitler level shit but you don't have to be a dictator to mess people's lives up, and I'm pretty sure I'm carrying on my father's legacy of being an asshole.
My brother said suicide is selfish, and that I'm always playing victim. Maybe I am. Maybe after decades of abuse I don't know how to be anything else. I own up to what I do, however, but that's not going to save me.
Suicide is not selfish. It's desperation. If my brother could feel how literally heavy I feel in my heart he might understand. There's no saving some people, and I think I'm one of them.
If God is just, I will go to hell. If God is merciful, I won't.
I don't know if you believe in hell. Maybe there is just nothing. Maybe it's like a long sleep.
I had a blind spot once from a migraine. There was nothing there. No light, no dark, just nothing. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe that's what death is like.
But if hell is real, I deserve it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Had the funnest laughs in the IRC bipolar char today Lots of gratitude for that chat link. I love you guys. So fun to hang out with ya’ll!
*chat, sorry
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self.bipolar
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A dark place I remember when I was in 4th/5th grade I used to dream about a special dark place. I'd imagine disappearing into a portal into a world of darkness. Only a world with me and darkness nothing else. I felt happy whenever I thought of that place. To be honest I still wish that I could be in that dark place. I feel that if I were alone that would be the best.
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self.depression
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Could I receive government assistance if I shot myself and as a result was crippled? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I Can't Shut Up and so I Have No Friends I've been in a mixed episode for a few months and I'm doing everything I should be and trying my best, but I think I'm annoying to all of my coworkers (they are also the only people I see). I thought some were my friends, but it turns out I was mistaken. I also literally have no friends that I hang out with in any way besides my fiance. I'm just unlikable to 99% of people. I have both Bipolar and Celiac Disease so I'm just super fun to hang with/s. I don't know, I feel like such garbage and like there is some social manual I never got. I never know what I did wrong so it must just be me as a person.
Anyone else unlikable? What do you do to not dislike yourself or be lonely? Any advice on how to not speak at all while at work?
And before anyone asks, yes I'm medicated and treatment compliant, but I can't afford a therapist right now.
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self.bipolar
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Whats wrong with me? I'm 20 years old and never been in a relationship [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Examples/explanation of mixed episodes Honestly I'm not sure what a mixed episode means...i get that you aren't always depressed or manic/hypomanic....but the idea of it still being an "episode" always seemed odd to me.
Today was kind of weird for me because I was mildly depressed and pretty anxious, but then later I sort of lost touch with reality like I do when I'm manic (minus the hallucinations. Thank God for antipsychotics!). Is this similar to mixed episodes I hear people talk about? Even though it was relatively harmless. What are some stories of your mixed episodes?
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self.bipolar
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Here’s a quick goal for the day! Eat three meals, drink lots of fluids, wash off, brush your teeth, brush your hair, and tell someone you love them! You’d be surprised how much these things can make a bad day good! ❤️❤️❤️
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self.Anxiety
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What are intensive outpatient programs like? If anyone has ever been to one and could shed some light on it for me that'd be great. Thank you.
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self.depression
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My girlfriend broke up with me today, but that’s not true worst part. I feel like I’m not good enough. I want to die. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Flying Advice Xanax I went to my doctor and explained that I have an extreme feat of flying for which he prescribed 3 tables of 250 micrograms of Xanax. One for the outgoing, one for the return flight and a spare case I lose 1. I'm thinking that 250 mg is a low dosage for a bad fear of flying. Can anyone offer advice as to whether 250mg will be enough? Dreading the journey! Thanks!
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self.Anxiety
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Is it anyhow possible to get rid of bipolar disorder? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Depression and inhibition: I though this might be an interesting read I found in /r/science Article below:
http://www.psypost.org/2017/10/study-depressed-people-notice-need-inhibit-behavior-trouble-braking-50049
The idea of the article is that people with severe depression can be entirely cognisant of the negative consequences of an action long-term but depression can seriously erode our self control.
I can definitely see this behaviour in myself. I already have Tourette's, OCD, ADHD and chronic sleep deprivation so my frontal lobe is basically fried already. Depression has definitely made it worse in the last 5 years or so.
Anyway just thought it might be an interesting read for some people in the same boat as me. Cheers.
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self.depression
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I've been called in by HR for the 3rd time this month for allegedly sleeping at my desk. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Can’t deal with the possible loss of a parent [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Started working as a paramedic and all a sudden im no stoner, suicidal person. I feel like a goal change so much in a person. (I'm sorry I'm just rambling my thoughts here) I kinda always had the need to smoke weed when I became anxious and after being in such a harsh enviornment and exposed to it almost every day. (Call me pussy come on you keyboard warriors.)
My 1 week shift is over so I thought I should reward myself with a joint and after lighting it and I maybe smoker 1/5 of it and I couldn't finish it. It tasted extremly disgusting and it just made me dizzy.
Note: I used to smoke around 5g every day.
I wish everyone good luck on their path :)
Yeah about the title between 'I feel like a goal *can* change so much in a person.' - i'm pretty stoned fucking hey sorry.
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self.depression
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I don't know what to think or how to fix any of my problems I don't know how to write this post, so I'm just going to share how I feel.
I feel closed off from other people - like there is a barrier. I feel bitter, almost cynical. I feel like I debate with myself about saying something until I say nothing. I'm extremely self conscious. I feel like I'm too basic / unfun / you'll see what I mean in a moment. This is my personality - I have a factual, logical opinion on something. There's no humour, there's no letting loose and enjoying myself, there's no sarcasm there's no kind of spice to me. I'm not an interesting person. And as a result I feel exactly a lack of that. It's not "fun" to be me. There's nothing about me that makes me feel like I would want to stay around myself if I met someone just like me. I exist and people will see me and have the odd conversation with me, but that's it, I don't feel connections, I don't feel enjoyable. I can't imagine anyone looking forwards to hanging out with me. What do I have to offer them? I'm serious,
distant, stuck in my own negativity and can't let loose.
Edit: I've also decided to go to a psychologist. Hopefully he will help.
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self.depression
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I'm really worried I'm not making friends as well as others in college [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Residential Program for Severe Anxiety? I've hit an extreme level with my anxiety. It's so bad that my heart is beating out of my chest and my mind is racing all day and night. I sleep in 15 to 20 minute spurts and wake up with my body shaking.
My therapist and psychiatrist both say that I need to go to residential program, but are unable to recommend any. Has anyone been to one that has helped for anxiety? I keep seeing ones for substance abuse and eating disorders, but can't find ones that work with people with anxiety disorders.
Has anyone attended one they could recommend?
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self.Anxiety
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I am not going to make it past the age of 25 I don't see myself living past 25 I am 17 or 18 rn and I fucked up in highschool and am barely going to graduate on time. I want to kill myself but still have things I need to do. I will die around 25.
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self.depression
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I feel like a lot of what society cares about is just bullshit Seriously life is too damn short. All I want is a safe/warm dwelling, protective clothes, food, and water to survive. Read, write, paint, and run. Maybe bonfires with friends sometimes with guitars and dancing freely. Agape love not even romantic is needed.. why cant we just live simple lives and spend as many moments of it happy? Lol i just realized I sound like a hippy but wow seriously!!!???? So much bs in our country and in the media and ugh... Life goes by like whoosh~
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self.offmychest
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Irrationally afraid of food poisoning, how to break the cycle, or distract myself. Hi, I was hoping I could explain how I'm feeling here to anyone who would be willing to listen. My home nation is the US and I'm currently in New Zealand, so I am by myself and I don't really have much of an option to stress vent at home because my family is not one to believe in anxiety as a true issue. My issue is just that every so often I'll be paralyzed with fear of food poisoning. For example, it is night time here and for dinner I had some salad from a package from the super market. It said it is washed and ready to eat, I gave it an extra rinse in a clean bowl and it looked and tasted crisp and fresh. The expiration date isn't until 4 days from now, and I always finish produce well before then. Obviously, I know everything is fine based off that, food poisoning like e. coli, especially in a clean and developed country such as New Zealand, is very rare anyways. But the moment I finished eating, something in the back of my head said "hey imagine you get food poisoning?" and of course I rush to google and look things up (which is my mistake !! I should never do this). It's an uphill battle. I've eaten whole bags from the same store before and have been fine. So I know, rationally, I am okay. But I am still nervous about it. It's already been a couple hours since I ate it, so I know I'd be feeling a little bit more off If I ate something bad by now (other than the mild discomfort I feel when I get anxious). I don't understand why I am this way. I briefly mentioned it to a friend here, she laughed it off and said "I never wash my greens if they say its washed on the bag! You're so fine!" I wish I could react that way.
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self.Anxiety
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Killing yourself to avoid causing someone pain I know suicide isn't the only or even the best option. I've come to this point again and again but I always get out of it. I'm in my late 20s and I have a fantastic life. I have suffered from depression since I was about 9. My life has always been good though. I was a wanted baby and I made out when it comes to the lottery of birth. I come from a middle-class and very loving family that would do anything to help me. But, sometimes there are things that only you can help yourself with. I am a very weak and spineless person and so these things are what I struggle with.
I got a new job this year. I am a kindergarten teacher. I worked very hard to get my teaching credential. I have a beautiful class and a great principal, but I struggled with teaching evaluations during my graduate school (even being told by one supervisor that some people are just not cut out to teach). I had a few supervisors and so I was able to pass. My job evaluation will be in February and this will effect me getting a teaching position for the 2018-2019 school year, and having or not having the position effects my financial situation and my health care. I already have a few prescriptions I take daily. Here I am rambling and this isn't even totally the problem. It's not a problem because, in the event that I fail (as another new teacher in my grade already has) I could always get a state job and work out something for health care. I could also work as a substitute teacher as I did before getting my job and just adjust financially (I'd have to figure out health care still, it would be pricey but not impossible).
I'm sorry I keep going on and on with things that aren't my issue.
I'm sorry for bothering everyone on here as well. Before coming here I attempted to make a psychiatry appointment with my health care provider but they are unfortunately closed (as it is Saturday). They say the new generation goes to the internet when they have a problem and the journalists must be right.
I have a boyfriend, we've been together for 5-6 years. I always thought he'd be the one. At first our life plans didn't match up perfectly but after time together they did. He doesn't get along with my mom (whom I am very close to). I have tried for the better part of my relationship to make things work between them, but earlier this year I realized I couldn't. Maybe someone else could, but I exhausted every one of my capabilities. I have an incredibly accommodating personality and I hate confrontation. I fear I gave my significant other a false representation of my needs and wants though. I also ruined him by making him less independent and convincing him to want to be with me. He didn't want to marry me for the first part of our relationship, but now he does (and I don't). I've had an eating disorder on and off for over 10 years. It flared up again a few years into our relationship. My SO is wonderfully logical and nothing is sacred to him as he is very honest. In many ways the disorder was my own quiet way to argue his logic like I couldn't with words. To show him that comments sometimes lead to repercussions. Even a single comment.
Anyway, after my birthday (spring this year) I had an internal break-down. My boyfriend and mom had a huge blowout because (while out to eat at my favorite restaurant) my SO was acting off and grumpy. He had smoked (cannabis) a few times earlier in the day and he hates socializing when he has smoked. He also hates being forced into social situations and he felt obligated to do the dinner for my birthday. To be honest, I was the one to put pressure on him to come to it. I just wanted all my loved ones there. I know it's selfish. As I realized that I would never be able to solve things between them, I begin to draw into myself and my disorder.
But there was a bright spot. I had a long term sub position teaching 2nd grade and one of my co-workers was an old friend from high-school. He was always so nice, even in high-school. I didn't appreciate his kindness in adolescence like I did as an adult. On my birthday, he had his whole class (and mine) sing happy birthday to me. He has no idea what that gesture meant. He also helped me with prep work and introduced me to colleagues. He even stayed late to help me with things and to make sure I got to my car safely when it got dark. Once, after he'd gone home, he came back just to help me fix the laminater. Pretty much right after reconnecting he asked me on a date, and I told him I was in a relationship, but all these nice things he still did, even after knowing I have an SO. Of course, because I am such a shitty and weak person I started to develop feelings for him. He was such a good friend when I needed one, but I couldn't and can't be with him.
My SO and I lived together but then my SO thought he'd be better in a different place. After moving out he realized he missed me and wanted me to move into the new place. I refused. I go and visit him, but rarely. He has changed his behavior toward me quite a bit since, being much more patient, argumentative, and kind. He still hates my mom though. I don't talk to or see my friend much anymore as well because I know my feelings for him are dangerous and luckily I got a new position at a different school so that helps with proximity. I still have very strong feelings for him though but I also have a deep love and care for my SO.
My SO is an introvert and I feel I am keeper of his story. He has been through so much and I promised to be bell-hop for all his baggage. But I am so unhappy and have been for the majority of the year. I can't break up with my SO. I already have ruined him and so I need to be there to take care of him. I still have feelings for my friend, even without the contact. I don't use facebook or anything like that so he could very well be in another relationship like he deserves. I am realizing that I am a detriment to everyone and everything I love and care about.
My family, because I forced them to put up with my SO and allowed him to be impolite and ungrateful towards them.
My SO, for making promises I no longer want to keep and for changing him.
My friend because I can't be the friend he deserves because of my feelings.
My students because there are reasons I struggled during evaluations, I am not a very good teacher.
My principal because she gave me a chance and if I last until Feb. I will surely let her down.
I frequently research the methods of suicide and have spent at least 9 months of this year considering and planning.
So the last one I let down is myself, because I can't create my own happiness, nor can I free myself from my swollen, pained mind.
I just want to be free, I don't believe in an afterlife, but nothing is fine with me. I don't want to think anymore...
I'm so sorry for bothering everyone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have to tell my parents I’m wasting another semester at college. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't know who to talk to and I'm freaking out. So I recently started the process of becoming a life insurance agent which will be very lucrative in the long run, but the problem is you have to study and pay for the liscense and the test to take to be liscense certified. I have failed the test twice now and am supposed to take the test for the 3rd tomorrow. You have to pay 66 each time to take the test. Now when I first was offered the job I preumptivly put in my 2 weeks at my fast food job assuming that I would pass the test the first time because *everyone* in my office said that they did. (Which also makes me feel like shit) so I haven't worked in a month. My husband and I are sooo behind on bills because I haven't had a paycheck. We've received 2 eviction notices. Each time weve talked to our apartment manager and she's gives us another extension but she said the next time she can't make anymore exceptions for us. We've been at these apartments for 6 years and have known her the longest and that's the only reason so helping us out. Once I do pass my test my weekly checks will be minimum 1300 depending on how I do in sales. Which is still twice as much as any paycheck I've received. My husband has paid for the test twice because "it'll all be worth it once you pass everything will work itself out and we'll be living like we never have before" -his words. He also said that if we do get evicted we can go live with his parents as they have a guest bedroom. I hate his parents and I would hate to impose on them even more because we'd fight constantly if we were there. I'm feeling tremendous pressure. Like our entire lives rides on me passing this test so I can start getting paid. If I don't pass I have to call it quits. We don't have enough money to live let alone pay rent. But even then if I go out and find a new job I'm still going to be waiting 2 or 3 weeks before my first check. I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure because all of my anxiety is in my head yelling at me that all this is riding on my shoulders. Any advice or words of wisdom is welcome
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone else depressed because of family abuse? It's really, really fantastic being 14 and super depressed /sssssss. But seriously, knowing that there's years until I can leave has made me incredibly depressed.
I have intrusive thoughts about suicide. Existential crises nearly daily. I'm terrified of death and it prevents me from ever wanting to form relationships or do anything. I panic about the people I love dying one day. I don't know why you'd put yourself through that grief by loving in the first place, sometimes. I know life is completely meaningless and nothing we do matters so I can't understand the point of doing anything.
I barely feel human most days. There's such a gap between myself and others. I find myself envious and bitter at those with happy, supportive families. They remind me of what I'll never have. All I want is for time to pass quickly so I'm out of here, yet I'm terrified of time passing because it simply means I'm getting closer to death.
This awful combination of neglect+emotional abuse+witnessing emotional/physical abuse has just ruined my mental state. I have such horribly conflicting ideas and it leaves me in a cycle of always feeling like it won't ever get better.
Anyone have advice for dealing with this?
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self.depression
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Not feeling right even when it lifts up a bit. I find it really strange how when I come out of an episode, I realize how much I got used to how shit I normally feel.
Most of the music I listen to stops connecting to me, lose some of my creativity, my philosophy of life and fuck knows what else.
And in the most twisted way possible, end up missing my depressive state. I feel as if it's a more realistic point of view (depressive realism, anyone?). So I prefer to think 'the truth' and be shit, rather than be ignorant and realize I'm playing the fool. This might be what sends me back down. Heck Knows
Edit: didn't realize how much I swear, toned it down a bit (seemed a bit excessive).
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self.depression
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Everyday is a nonstop effort to feel good enough to do something, but I never quite get there. I feel like I need to charge up by sleeping, internet, drugs, or alcohol for hours in order to not feel so empty and in pain before I can do things. But I never quite get there. It always seems like feeling content enough to do things that normal people do is so close but I just never get there. Instead I spend all day doing nothing because i feel too miserable to do things.
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self.depression
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I honestly might kill myself tonight. (Long repetitive rant I apologise..) I'm young and I have a lot of potential, but I just can't do it. I acknowledge how "great" I could be in the future, but it seems the longer I go on, the worse I get and I won't get better. Nothing will, this planet and the people on it are all turning to shit. I don't even feel connected with what is going on, it feels so unreal. I don't know what the actual fuck I'm doing with my life. Since January I've been incredibly depressed, it initially started as overthinking, then to disassociation, to full on emotional breakdowns every other night and a numb feeling. My birthday came along I was happy for a second, but then I felt sad, it was a strange feeling and it just kept getting worse. Especially then I was extremely stressed out about a certain regional band Audition, I didn't want to disappoint myself, my parents, my private lessons, my directors, etc.... And I didn't.. to some degree.. I ended up being in the top 10 players out of all the people who play my instrument in the region I live in. I was happy and excited for once, my achievement was amazing especially for someone my age with a bunch of older experienced players I was competing against. But in the next two days, my parents decided to break the news to me that I couldn't do it because I had failed one of my classes. I felt wonderful. I had one week to fix the grade and the teacher in that class could've let me turn in, and she did let another girl turn work in, but no, not me. She deemed me lazy for not turning three unfinished assignments in, nope it wasn't because I constantly was unmotivated due to the fact that I was fucking majorly depressed and didn't feel like doing much at all, it was because I'm a lazy ass bitch who doesn't care. Yes. She didn't take my "excuse" because I was apparently "lying". That broke me, I worked so hard and I mean at the end of the day, I was still in the top 10, but it didn't mean anything, because someone had to replace me and that took something from me. And obviously, no one likes it when someone says their depression isn't real or "that bad". One the only times I was happy this year and it was taken away from me, now I'm back to the constant state of wanting to die. I want to get help, but because of old experiences I don't trust therapists or my parents much, so I turn to my friends. Turns out "I'm going to kill myself" and "I want to die" is what all the kids say now and it's "a fucking joke." I can't even go to my friends or anyone online, because I won't be taken seriously. It's now the holiday time, and I normally should be happy, but after all that happens ,unlike my previous years, I feel nothing and it's.. sad. I give up. Before, I used to be a little bit afraid of death, but now I don't mind, you can't escape it. My younger self would ask "what would ____ think if I killed myself?" and "wouldn't that teach them a lesson?" I don't care much about that currently, it's not about teaching anyone a lesson, I don't want their pity when I'm dead. I don't want pity right now, either. I want help, but I don't think I'll ever get it. I've tried to kill myself when I was 11, I'm now in highschool and thinking about doing it again. I wish someone would understand how terrible I feel. I'm constantly trying to distract myself, but to do it every single day.. my life is a fucking mess. Every night I'll try to sleep, roll around for hours, and eventually I'll fall asleep and dream. It's the same dream each night, not necessarily a dream, but a nightmare about being raped. I've never been raped, but even in a dream it's traumatizing and I can't even get a break when sleeping. I am so tired and I just want a break. I get the urge to slit my throat or wrist a lot, and I might actually do it. I'm done with all of this.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Help! Hey guys I could really use your help.
I want to start a career in mental health (already got my bachelors, time for masters or med school) after being affected by it and seeing it in most of my family. So right now I'm on a mission to gain a better understanding of mental illness because one thing I'v learned is how unique it is to the person. I know my story, but I want to know yours.
So my question is for those of you who have experienced mental illness before. Whether it be depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, addiction, and so on.
I want to know what you feel you needed the MOST when you were at your lowest point. And for those of you who have been admitted to a psychiatric hospital (like I have), what do you wish could have been different? Did you like the white walls and feeling of isolation? Or do you feel being surrounded by art, nature, music and so on is what you needed to heal?
I want to start a facility one day to treat mental illness and addiction that is the complete opposite of what I went to. Because I hated the place I was placed in and how I was treated. And I promised myself that one day I would do something about it.
Thanks for your help!
RBZ
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self.depression
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I think about it everyday I think about killing myself everyday to the point i'm so tempted to do it. Why? because i dont see a happy future for myself. Idk if i will but everyday, the temptation to do it just gets more and more intense
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self.SuicideWatch
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Killing Myself over Parent's Finances I overheard my parents fighting today and heard that it is incredibly hard to support both my younger sister and me to go to university. I am currently thinking about killing myself and lying about my death in order to keep my parents from doing anything like giving me a funeral and saving that money for my sister. I have contemplated a bit in the past and attempted before, but I am now thinking about doing it in order to help them, not myself. The big question for me, is, "Should I kill myself to give my sister a better future?" Perhaps a single child would have been easier from the start, is my though process at the moment.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I don't fucking know. All my friends are fucking busy or in another state or ignoring me holy shit I just need to release some fucking energy I don't know who to talk to.
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self.offmychest
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When to tell someone you are bipolar For instance, lets say you are in a relationship. Do you casually bring it up when talking about sensitive subjects with one another or do you wait until something goes wrong because of the bipolar?
Sometimes I think it's best not to mention something like this until it is necessary to.
This can also go for very close friends and what not. At what point do you bring it up, or do you?
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self.bipolar
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Im just a freak No one understands me. I dont even know what to do anymore. Id just be better off dead at this point. Fuck being trans
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Learning today that in a marriage my feelings don't matter. We have been through this really shitty roller-coaster of my wife being laid-off from a high profile job a week before xmas. I have been there every step of the way. We had started to plan for our sons visit (he is in college ) over a month ago. She bought the ticket and made the doc apts and all of that. I was greatful. I am a baker and worked like crazy till the end of the holiday. I would say in the last month I have hand made from scratch over 500 pies. I was looking forward to a break so when she said let's get out of here for a couple days before our kid comes I was excited. We live in a small town and have access to an awesome condo in a big city so it would be cheap. I have been looking forward to getting out and getting good food (Again we live in a really small town ) and not dealing with life for 2 whole days. Since we got here all she has done was be on the computer and sleep. (She has already been off for almost a month). This morning we had a plan to get food and hang out. Then she gets back on the computer and now it is almost 3 and I have been waiting to eat all day. She finally comes out and asks if I am mad about something and I told her it is not a big deal. She then presses and I explain that all I have been wanting to do is hang with her and that she could of already had this done. Well that was obviously not okay. She told me to leave and find my magical life somewhere else. Wtf! All I have wanted to do is hang with her and now she is mad about it. Fuck if I will ever tell her my true feelings again. All she is going to get is, it's okay, whatever you want, and that sounds great. I hate this shit.
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self.offmychest
|
Is this a panic attack or just anxiety? I have this happening to me and I just want to know if it is common/if it happens to other people too. Is this a panick attack or anxiety?
So sometimes (like last night) I lay on my bed, its completely dark and i lay on my back. I all of a sudden start thinking that one day i will lay in my coffin like that. On my back, in the dark. And I start to become very scared of death. First of my own death and then of the death of my parents and husband and others. I start thinking what's the point of living and what will happen when I die.
This is a very scary experience and sometimes it makes me cry. But most of the time it just leaves me feeling like shit. It only happens to me once every month or so.
What can i do about it? And what is it?
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self.Anxiety
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Fml My life is shit and it’s only getting shitier from my lack of caring about anything anymore. I don’t want help from others but at the same time I need the help of others. I want to run away and end it but I look for small things to keep me from doin it month to month. I fucked my school career and don’t know where to go from here
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self.depression
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Looking for advice. Hello everyone.
Just recently I've noticed I've been getting panic attacks. It happens mostly when I'm in class. my heart will start to race, my hands get really shaky, I start to feel dizzy and all I can hear is a high pitched noise. I'm going to the doctors to figure out what the problem is. I'm convinced I have anxiety but the doctor wants to do some extra tests. but in the meantime, I still have classes to attend! But I can't even sit in my classes for 5 minutes without feeling panicked. It's not like I'm doing bad in my classes either, I have good grades. So what should I do until it's sorted out with my doctor? I considered dropping all my classes, but I do really enjoy them. Is there anything I can get over the counter that will help with my panic attacks?
thanks
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self.Anxiety
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Possible repression of abuse? TW Hi guys. I'm 21 year old female and live a relatively normal life. I have some bad mental health and I have good days and bad days but I'm making through it in healthy ways. I've been talking to my best friend about recently about how I don't remember most of my childhood and the memories I do have, feel unreal - almost like a dream. This has always kind of bothered me and I always wondered why I blocked it out. I started to look up stuff about repressed memories and came across repressed sexual abuse. This made me remember that I had a friend when I was in elementary school. He was older than me by like maybe 3/4 years. We would watch porn together and he would get hard and masturbate in front of me. I honestly don't even know if anything more happened because I just can't remember. Is this still sexual abuse? I just have so many questions because I was INTENSELY anxious as a child and had anger issues. When I grew older and because sexually active, it took me a bit of time to become comfortable with stuff. Like even just kissing. I just felt so weird and uncomfortable and I didn't understand it at all.
I don't really know what I'm looking for as far as a response. Maybe just some thoughts on it? I just kind of wanted to tell someone, to see if there are others in this situation. Thank you for any response.
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self.depression
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I'm scared to death I'm scared to death of getting stuck in a job I don't like or tolerate for the rest of my life. I don't want the "go to college, get a job, pay bills, get married, have kids, die" lifestyle.
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self.depression
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29/11/2017 I don't know if I should try anymore. I feel like I have no control over my life. the only things keeping me alive right now are music and remorse. All of my close friends are in stable relationships and I know I don't stand a chance with the only girl I'm interested in, and it just pisses me off. I hate it. I just feel ignored, unloved and condemned. I try to work out and DJ, but even those don't help for a long time. I've already stopped drawing from depression, and each day the only thing running across my mind is how much of a failure I am. My petty friends keep telling me that I'm a bad influence on their perfectly stable and happy lives. I'm tired of rejection, because each rejection makes me more and more empty inside. All I need is a monogamous, smart and funny partner who I can be emotionally intimate with. I honestly don't care about sex, all I need is someone who I can talk to, someone to love more than a friend. someone who I can experience things with. Someone who would make me happy, and someone I would make happy. Someone to fill that empty void in my heart which prevents me from functioning. Is that honestly too much to ask for?
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self.offmychest
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I got spoiled about a game and now I can't stop crying I haven’t been feeling well lately so I decided to treat myself for Christmas and buy a game (which I won’t name so as not to spoil anyone) I wanted to play, which is rare since I haven’t been motivated to do anything I used to enjoy for a long time.
I have problems deciding things in real life and in games (even though I love games where you can make your own choices) so I often have the bad habit of spoiling myself and seeing which decision leads where. My biggest regret about another game in the same series was that I spoiled myself for most choices and the emotional impact of many scenes was lost so I really wanted to avoid doing so again.
I played the game over a few days and **for once I didn't spoil myself and made the choices myself** (mostly) then when the game was over and the credits start rolling I was proud of not spoiling myself and happy due to playing the game so I visit the game’s subreddit on my phone while the credits continue rolling.
I thought now I was safe from spoilers and then BAM **one of the top comments is about a very important and shocking scene that happens after the credits**. A few minutes later the scene happens but it’s already too late. Now **it feels like the whole game was ruined for me, the whole experience of the past few days is just disappointment and sadness now**.
I know it’s stupid to be upset about such a minor thing and I've got bigger problems in my life but I can't stop crying because I got spoiled. It’s a moment I’m never going have back; I’m never going to be able to watch that scene like it was meant to be watched, as a surprise.
And I know I can’t talk to it about anyone because they won’t understand but it felt like every feeling of sadness and disappointment in my life coalesced into that moment and I just broke down, I felt so sad that I couldn’t breathe anymore. Its New Year tomorrow and I can’t face my family like this; I just want to curl up into my bed and never wake up.
Sorry for the rant and disorder in my post but I can’t think straight.
TL;DR: I got spoiled at the end of a game after avoiding spoilers and now I'm crying.
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self.depression
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How to convince my friend to not kill himself??! My friend has made up his mind on killing himself despite the past two months of conversation we have had.He was showing some progress and was willing to meet/listen/get help but now is convinced that he wants to kill himself. No one else knows about this because he has confided in me alone. I cant approach any mutual friends , as if he finds out, he will stop contacting me too, and based on our last communication, he is certainly prepared to kill himself in next 24 hours His parents are not very understanding and I am scared that contacting them can lead to something worse as he is already on the edge I feel helpless What do i do?? (location, india)
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self.SuicideWatch
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Crushed my self esteem Lol just found out that 3 girls that i tried and failed to get close with, now with another man.
im just kinda shocked, im just gonna evaluate myself and ill come back better next time, lol felt like my leg is floating
i thought i was good enough, i thought wrong.
this is like slap in the face
but im okay, im gonna come back stronger
i remember someone told me 2 years ago i will never get to the point where i am at right now, but here i am
so im telling myself. im gonna come back stronger
i NEVER and never will blame anyone or anything for ANYTHING that happened, instead i evaluate
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self.offmychest
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Why do I even have a phone? No one calls or texts me. It feels like I don't even exist. FML
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self.depression
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Need URGENT help I’ve posted on here before, but i’m going to recap my situation.
I broke up with my boyfriend a while ago, and fell into a pit of depression. i began drinking, smoking, and i hooked up with this guy. I didn’t tell my mom any of this obviously, because she would do anything to stop me from addiction and smoking. If i told her about this new guy i felt that the situation would be complicated since she was already SO upset i broke up with my boyfriend. I’d already had sex with my previous boyfriend but told my mom i hadn’t done anything like that, since she is very against sex. She doesn’t know i’ve ever drank or ever smoked. The guy i was hooking up with sexually assaulted and raped me and my life has spiraled out of control. Long story short, my school counselor keeps trying to call me in to talk about it. i’ve already lied about it once and said it didn’t happen to protect myself from spilling this web of lies. Recap: my mom doesn’t know this guy even existed, or i drink, or i smoke. I was raped while drunk so I’d have to admit to that. I feel that this whole thing is about to come to the light soon. My mom always tells me i can tell her anything, and that she trusts me so much and has never had a reason not to. she doesn’t know what a horrible child i am. i don’t know how to tell her what happened without ruining my life more and breaking her trust in me for life. i just want to commit suicide and i can’t deal with this anymore. i’m sorry if this is rambling and incoherent i’m just losing it. She would be so broken if she found out everything
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self.SuicideWatch
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psychotic probably schizo Anxiety need advice? i have OCD and am a victim to a huge RELAPSE last night specifically a long 7 hour ruminative dissociative episode that had no signs of mental freedom approaching! i was free for 1 month thanks to meds and last night it was triggered by complacency! this all goes back to november 2016 when i was infatuated over someone and became obsessed, while in that mental state i also had a panic attack, i dont no if these are flashbacks but i just mentally feel that i am in the same situation even tho i am in the present. there is a very negative energy around this dissociative feeling and when this approaches my whole world goes from normal to theatrical. my mind pretty much goes in circles over nothing. than it triggers thoughts that my medication is not working, to this and that, and uhhhhh i just feel broken. feels like i am beyond psychotic. this is the same as delusive thinking, but this type is unresponsive to any treatment. i just want a psychiatrist to shock my brain 100 times and reboot this pathetic flawed chemically destroyed crap of a brain
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self.Anxiety
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Failure coping mechanisms are making me too happy with failure [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Medicine Talk Yo!!! Okay, so, basically, I want to know which medicines work for you guys and/or gals. I've used Zoloft before, and, while the first two weeks or so was horrible, it worked. However, I stopped taking it after my anxiety and depression went away, and now I'm back dealing with it again, and I really don't want to deal with Zoloft (just because of those first two weeks or so).
Right now, I'm taking Wellbutrin and Buspar. The Wellbutrin used to work wonderfully, but now it doesn't work as much as it used to (and I upped the dose). I'm taking the max amount of Buspar (60 MG). So far, I've improved over these past couple of weeks, but I'm still having intense anxiety (less depression). I've been on Abilify, Cymbalta, Latuda, Klonopin, and maybe more (not sure at this point). All of them, except Klonopin (which they took because I was "abusing" it), suck.
I'm running out of medicines to take at this point. My main concern is the muscle tension. It's happening so much that my body is aching 24/7, and it's hard to sleep (although I do take Melatonin to help me get rest). Tbh, I'm not really a medicine person, because I don't wanna have to take meds forever and be inhibited without them, but anything is better than anxiety, at this point.
That being said, what are some good medicines and/or medicine combinations that have worked for y'all. I'm not sure what I'm really diagnosed with, at this point (will ask soon), but it's either GAD or OCD. The psychiatrist is talking about Bipolar, but I disagree. I usually get anxious doing anything, but mainly when things aren't "perfect". Ugh.
TL;DR: HELP! xD
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self.Anxiety
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Missing/ failing class because of depression I am supposed to be graduating college at the end of this semester (so next month). However, this semester I have become just overcome with anxiety and depression about myself: self-loathing, insecurity, general sadness.
I’ve missed many of my classes because I just cannot being myself to go, and because of this, I have a D in a class that is imperative for my major. I don’t have much of anything left to bring it up. If anything, I might end up with an F. I was planning on going to grad school in the Fall but I’m at/past the deadline to apply and never did it because I just feel awful and not prepared to enter that environment.
I wake up in the morning, get dressed, and just find myself in tears and can’t bring myself to go onto campus. I’ve started going to counseling, but it has yet to be effective, and it’s nearing the end of the semester.
i know my absence from class will look like laziness or lack of effort, so it’d make me look terrible if i try to talk to my professor about it. But I don’t know what else to do other than to take a D/F, which will only further my depression and anxiety.
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self.depression
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[vent] This world was never made for me In order for our fucked up society to function, we want people who are confident, who can work under stress and pressure and work against the clock. But what if you don't have any of those things? What are supposed to do if you don't have any confidence, who can't handle any kind of stress, who can't work fast paced or against the clock? What next? Am I just shit out of luck? This world wasnt made for me. I don't want to live here anymore if this is the way society is supposed to function if I physically and mentally cannot do it :/
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self.Anxiety
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Is it normal to feel suicidal after a breakup? I was hoping someone could offer advice or encouragement. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this sort of thing.
She sent her final goodbye today.
“I love someone else”
It’s burned into my head. I never thought I’d say this but I can’t live without her. I went to CVS, spent $50 on assorted pills to take in combination with 900mg of Effexor. I wrote a note, and then cried hysterically on the floor for an hour.
The thoughts haven’t passed. Is this normal? I’ve felt suicidal before, but this wave of sadness seems almost impossible to overcome.
I’m thinking about doing in tomorrow when my roommates are out. I plan on doing it in moderate increments so my body doesn’t reject the pills.
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self.SuicideWatch
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[M20] Quit oxycotin opiate, lost my best friend / crush, and all of my close friends are traveling, the person I'm dating is sick and I don't even know how I feel about her. It's been a rough week [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I can't go on anymore I just can no longer justify my existence. I went to an interview today for a job and did a test to assess my ability to do this job. The guy interviewing me said that out of all the people that he has assessed i was the "only one to fail without getting a single answer right" while laughing. I'm sick of people calling me dumb, I'm sick of people calling me weak, I'm sick of people calling me a loser. But the reason why it hurts so much is because I know they're right. Everyone is always born with something they're good at whether it be academic, Physical or Social. Not me I'm the guy people feel lucky to not be. I just feel like the hand I've been dealt in life is so bad that I can't succeed at anything but not bad enough for anyone to have any symphony. I am a burden on my family who I wish I want to contribute and make proud but I just fail everytime. They'll be better off without me
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self.SuicideWatch
|
It's been almost two weeks Since I lost the father of my child to an overdose. Tomorrow we will begin the Christmas Eve rituals that my husband and I set into motion for her when she was born a little over 12 years ago. Only this time he won't be here to help us decorate cookies or build an igloo with her. He won't be here to see her open the iPhone she's been asking for all year or the virtual reality Star Wars game that would really have been for us. Instead he will sit in a box on a shelf until I have the strength to distribute his remains accordingly. My heart is a vase that was shattered on the floor and that you can't put back together because some of the pieces turned to dust. I'm angry and I'm sad. I'm sad for my daughter who will spend the rest of her life mourning for the father she only sometimes had. I'm sad for his friends that tried to help him and the ones that enabled him. I'm sad for him. I'm sad that he got so lost in the bottom of a burnt spoon that he died completely alone with not a thing in the world to his name besides an empty bag of dope and a dirty needle that was still in his vein. I'm just sad. I'm posting this here because I don't feel like I did enough to understand him or his disease. I'm here because even though I don't know you I care. Help is here anytime you need it or are ready for it. Life is short and regrets are long lasting. My pm is always open if you need any support or if you just need an ear. Merry Christmas everyone!
Edit: this was cross posted from the addiction subbreddit but it's not situational I know a lot of people on this subbreddit feel alone and struggle as well. The holidays are never easy on people dealing with lose so my offer stands for any circumstance. If you need a friend you have one in me.
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self.offmychest
|
Why am I so two-faced/bipolar with my feelings toward my girlfriend? Apologies for that terrible title, I couldn't think of a better word.
I've been going out with this girl for nearly 6 months now. It's been pretty good so far, we've had very few fights. But something always happens and I want to try fix it now.
As the title says, sometimes I'll feel very deeply in love with her. Want to spend time with her, mushy texts on snapchat and all that sorta thing. But then other times, sometimes in the same week, I'll feel completely uninterested. Like thinking that she annoys me and is too much too handle, sometimes even to the point of thinking about break up scenarios (although I would never do it). It happens when we're together too, sometimes I'll love spending time with her and be sad when she leaves, and other times I'll want to not be there and want to go home.
For some context we're both 17. I've never told her about these fluctuating feelings and I don't think she knows. But I just feel awful, I feel awful as a person and for her. She's fantastic to me and I shouldn't be thinking like this.
Any advice?
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self.offmychest
|
Does the past haunt you? Does it seem out of proportion compared to how nojn bipolar people would feel? Yesterday was my parents' wedding anniversary. They had a messy divorce when I was 16. That was 30 years ago. I cried my way through the day. My Dad doesn't even remember what the day means. He's been married to my stepmother for, you guessed it, 30 years.
You would think I'd be over this by now! But it's still in my thoughts pretty often. Other people's parents get divorced and they're not crying 30 years later!
I think this is the case because I am bipolar. It's not the only thing in the past that I can't let go of. Does anyone else have similar issues?
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self.bipolar
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I feel mentally tired before I even try to do anything [deleted]
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self.depression
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I've given up I don't really know how to start saying this, because I've never posted anything like this before. I guess I'm planning to kill myself in maybe a few hours, and I want to see if any person can try to argue with my point of view on the world.
I believe that everything is irrelevant and nothing really matters. The only one argument that I've seen that can begin to address this is a quote by Dan Harmon.
“Do I agree with Rick that nothing means anything? No I do not,” Harmon said. “Because the knowledge that nothing matters, while accurate, gets you nowhere. The planet is dying, the sun is exploding, the universe is cooling, nothing’s gonna matter; the further back you pull the more that truth will endure. But when you zoom in on Earth, when you zoom in to a family, when you zoom into a human brain and a childhood and experience, you see all these things that matter.”
“We have this fleeting chance to participate in an illusion called ‘I love my girlfriend, I love my dog.’ How is that not better?” Harmon said. “Knowing the truth, which is that nothing matters, can actually save you in those moments… Once you get through that terrifying threshold of accepting that, then every place is the center of the universe and every moment is the most important moment and everything is the meaning of life.”
However, even this argument is ineffective. All of these material things we focus on are desires of the brain, caused by an addiction to chemicals the brain secrets to make us feel a certain way. Therefore, nothing really has a purpose or a meaning.
On a non philosophical point of view, my life kinda sucks right now. Being still in school, especially with finals right around the corner is super stressful. I've lost all motivation to work, and I don't want to live the rest of my life just to work. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, who I truly loved and was really the only person I've even had a crush on or was attracted to.
I'm extremely tired of living and I've been waiting for this for a long time. My life is really filled with pain and depression, and it only gets worse everyday. Even if it gets better, I don't want to live in this world to work my life away. I never really enjoy anything anymore.
Anyways, I'd appreciate anything that anyone can say. Thank you very much.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
People Someone invited me to do something but now I desperately do not want to go even though I said I was free. I dont want to make up some lame excuse because then I would be guilty. But the last fucking thing I want to do with my life is leave my house tomorrow.
Edit: Im also supposed to be up at like 10 and I know way to fucking well that I am just going to accidentally sleep in.
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self.depression
|
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