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Lamictal is making me feel so much rage There's so many success stories of people on Lamictal and I'm happy for them but for me it's been a fucking nightmare since taking it. At first it was great, I felt good and motivated to make some positive changes in my life. That was while I was just taking 1 25mg pill but last Friday I started taking two per my doctor's instructions and next week I'm supposed to take three.
However, I'm always irritable and I'm always angry. Little things that normally don't bother me make me really angry now. Last night I made my grandmother cry and I feel like a fucking monster. This morning I yelled at my mom over a fucking water bottle. Last Saturday I yelled at a guy who cut me off and I called him retarded. The next day I yelled at a solicitor and threatened to call the cops.
I don't understand where this is coming from because I've always been a peaceful guy. Even when I would get irritated I would at least be able to calm myself down and not do anything unreasonable. Now I feel like nothing will keep me from rampaging. I used to use THC and CBD and I swear things were so much better. I was able to stay happy and focused but my mom begged me to stop so I did and now I'm on Lamictal and I'm an absolute horrifying beast.
I'm actually really scared for myself and for others so I think the best thing to do is sleep in my car or something because I know if I go home tonight I'm going to yell or do something bad and perhaps break relationships with my family. I have no friends or a girlfriend so they're the only thing I have left and Lamictal is going to make me fuck that up.
I left my doctor a voicemail this morning at 7am but she hasn't called back. If she doesn't call back today I don't know what to do since I've read that suddenly stopping Lamictal is a bad idea.
Edit: Not that anyone is reading this but I guess it's good to look back at this one day and hopefully I can look back at it in the future as a much better person. Hopefully this will be just a small speed bump on the road to recovery.
My doctor's office never called me back so I called them a few minutes ago. I was having a crying episode, I've never cried so hard for no reason but I'm at work so I had to do it in a bathroom stall. I called them with my voice cracking and still crying. I'm telling them everything they have the audacity to not even address my symptoms and ask me for my insurance information again. They said they'll bill me for the my sessions if they don't get it.
I'm having a fucking crisis and all these motherfuckers care about is some goddamn insurance information. Needless to say I'm going to the emergency room after work.
Edit 2: Thanks so much for your support, guys. I'm new to this community but I'm already in love with it. I'm at work and I just want to go home and hug my family. I spent nearly all morning crying in a bathroom stall but talking with you guys has made me feel much better. Thank you for all of your advice, I love you all.
I should mention I've never been violent or confrontational at all. People close to me know I can get pissed off at times but I've never physically hurt anyone and I've never been so aggressive like I've been since taking Lamictal. I've gone from being pissed of during reasonable circumstances from being pissed off all of the time.
**Edit 3:** I want to thank you guys again. You've shown me so much kindness and patience, I don't think I've ever felt so much love on the internet. I will make sure to keep you guys updated and I'd love to talk with you if you need someone to talk to. I'd love to share the love you've given me. Lastly, my doctor finally called me back. She sounded very concerned and was really empathetic. She prescribed me Xanax the same time she prescribed the Lamictal so she asked me to take 2-3 per day until I see her on Friday. I took 3 Xanax (I won't take anymore today so don't worry) and feel much, much better. I was just scared to take Xanax because I know it can be abused.
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self.bipolar
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Took an overdose on Wednesday, planning on taking another. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Praise Is it bad I want praise for even making my bed or cleaning a small area of my house. Like I want praise for small things Becasue being told "good job!" Or "omg you did x, that's great!" Helps because I'm not easily motivated at all? I dont know if this is the right subreddit but I'm just asking becasue I do have depression but praise makes it a little..... Easier to get motivation. Instead of wallowing and doing nothing.
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self.depression
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Just made a giant gift (built a little house) for someone to use and I got turned down. This isn’t helping. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I just need to write this out. My mom was a single parent with bi polar disorder. My dad was a loser that never grew up.
I was never wanted by either parent so I became my grandparents burden. When I became to much for them i was passed around family members from my aunt, my mom, and all of my other grandparents.
I don't know why I was never wanted. I was a pretty quiet kid that kept to myself most of the time. I never really had friends growing up because I moved between family members and went to so many schools that I avoided getting close to people.
My high school years I lived with my dad's grandparents. I was closest to them, grandpa Terry was the nicest man I've ever met and grandma Polly was a manipulative bitch but I think they loved me, or atleast pretended to better than anyone else.
I was really suicidal throughout high school and middle school, I told myself I'd wait till I graduated before I ended my life but my sophomore year my grandpa got colon cancer and suffered a year and a half before passing. I didn't want to burden my family with another loss so I postponed my inevitable demise.
Then my Dad was paralyzed from the neck down in an ATV accident and passed four days later. My dad was my grandma's pride and joy and spoiled him rotten. My grandma was in poor health from smoking her entire life and was really struggling with the lose of her husband and son so I told myself I'd stay around for her until she passed.
I knew her death was going to be hard on my aunt and with such a small family my aunt could really use the help with her until she passed. My grandma had COPD and emphysema and the doctors told her she wouldn't make it long after losing my dad. She made it 3 and a half years after losing my dad, but that last year was absolute hell.
In that last year she weighed 80lbs for a long time. She was having trouble with her mind because of lack of oxygen and that last 6months became so bad that I ended up having to quit my fulltime job so I could stay with her all day. My aunt has 3 kids and helped out as much as she could.
Taking care of my grandma was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. She would say the most terrible things to me and she would become violent. I had to sleep with a baby monitor in my room so I could keep an eye on her at night. Every night I would fall asleep to the sound of her rattling gasps for air. It's a sound that will forever haunt me. Laying in bed at night to this day I can still hear it. I often thought about suffocating her and how I would be doing my aunt and little cousins a favor by doing so. Honestly, I think I'd be happier in prison than out here in the free world but never could bring myself to do it.
She would pass out in her chair at night and I would have to carry her to bed. She would have accidents and I would have to help her put on diapers and put her clothes on. Hospice stopped by 3 times a week to check in on her and give her different medications and once a week give her a bath but they truly were no help with her aggression or her needs.
I'm a 5'2" female, 23, tatted up, and came out as gay about a year before her passing. She would never say hurtful things about my sexual orientation (which I'm thankful) but she frequently would harass me on my looks, that I had no friends, that no one would love me, that no one in my family loved me and when I would tell her I was struggling with my mental health would encourage me to kill myself.
We had to put alarms on all the doors after she escaped when I left her alone for 15 minutes. She wandered to the neighbors house and my aunt and I were frantically running down the streets to find her until we had to call the police. The neighbor across the street came out when the police arrived and said they had her and that she was telling them she feared for her safety because of me.
I brought her wheel chair and oxygen and careful wheeled her home and the whole time she's insulting me threatening that I was finally going to jail. It was one of the most embrassing and humiliating things I've ever went through. Especially since at the time one of my neighbors was also my coworker and I still was at my fulltime job then. Luckily they were very empathetic and of course I didn't get in any trouble with the law. I couldn't handle balancing taking care of her and that fulltime job so I had a mental break down and quit in the middle of my shift. My coworkers knew that I was taking care of my grandma but didn't really know how hard it was for me.
The last few months of taking care of my grandma I met a really wonderful girl named Bailey and we started dating. She would stay at my house pretty often while I took care of my grandma and would hear through the baby monitor the terrible things she was saying. She pretending not to, and would even lie to me and say she wasn't listening but I know she was. She met me when I thought I was the most broken I've ever been. She was like a ray of sunshine in my life and actually for once made me feel happy even in all this darkness.
My lifesavings is pretty much gone from being unemployed for so long taking care of my grandma. I didn't cry a single tear, honestly I've never been so relieved when she passed in September. It makes me scared and sad that I feel so numb when it comes to losing her. That last year made it really hard to feel any sort of love when it came to her. In my eyes she died a year ago and I was just in charge of taking care of this angry shell of a woman I used to love.
After she passed I moved in with my aunt, uncle and their 3 kids. I sleep in the 9 year olds bedroom. She still sleeps with her parents and so does their 11 year old son but that's another story. I've been here since the beginning of October because I was struggling to find work and I needed to get clean from smoking weed to be able to find work. I smoked weed a long time after losing my father but that too is another story.
The first month I had such terrible nightmares every night. I would wake up bawling, I was scared to go to sleep i was convinced my grandma was haunting me. The nightmares aren't as frequent now, but the depression and scars of her memory are still here. My girlfriend and I are still together and we try to see eachother every weekend or so and i have some important job interviews in a few days so things should be looking up.....but they aren't.
The depression is even worse. I'm having even more dark thoughts than before and I've been thinking more and more about that promise i made myself so many years ago. My grandpa's dead, my dad, my grandma and I've run out of excuses to stay alive.
The only thing keeping me alive is the guilt. I don't want my mom and my aunt to have to pay for a cremation. I don't want them to find my body and I don't want my girlfriend to feel like she didn't do enough to help me.
Some of us are just dealt shitty cards, and can't keep bluffing anymore. I'm struggling to lie to people and tell them I'm okay or that I'm doing fine. As much as I joke about killing myself you'd think my family knew.
Today I cracked and confessed to my girlfriend that if I don't get this job Tuesday that I'm going to lose all hope. That I feel like I've fallen into a pit of despair and I don't think I can climb out this time. I'm not sure I want to.
Part of me hopes that i don't get this job on Tuesday. I want that final push. I really don't want to do this anymore. I need help, not to save me but I need someone to take me for a drive. I don't want to leave my car. I want to make sure my little sister gets that for her 16th birthday. I want to make sure my cat is going to be okay and I want to make sure nobody finds my body till I'm just a bag of bones.
Tomorrow I'm going to drive up to Green Peter and find a spot. I think the 2nd bridge is far enough up that no one will find me. If the fall doesn't get me the cold water will or the swiftness of the river. I'm just going to go up there and sit there for awhile and write some important letters I've been putting off.
I don't really know why I wrote this. I guess because it's 2am and I don't really have anyone else to talk to and I can't sleep anymore. I haven't been able to sleep for a long time now. I'm ready for a long rest. Fuck my soul, but God if there is a God please have mercy on my family and on Bailey. I love her more than she will ever know.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I constantly think im dying because of the food i eat? i know it sounds crazy, its pretty dumb. but please please help? This has happened like, 10 times in the past two months. Its getting ridiculous. I hadnt had a panic attack in ten years, then my dog and best friend recently passed away (she was 12y/o) and I suddenly find myself having extreme panic attacks and worrying about death. I just havent been the same without her, i miss her so much :( but about the food, lets say I try some Yellowtail fish for dinner because Ive never had it before and my boyfriend makes me cook it. Well, I spend the next hour secretly freaking out in the bathroom and throwing up, because WHAT IF IM ALLERGIC TO IT AND DIE????? I know this is illogical but its a huge fear of mine. I also dont eat canned food of any type because Im scared Ill die from botulism. How stupid is that? No one gets botulism these days, its as rare as like, getting polio. I also have made myself throw up after eating salmon, even though Ive had it before, what if Im actually allergic to it and I die? I cant stop these worries when they happen and I feel like the world is closing in on me. I also have made myself throw up after drinking too much coffee (BeCaUse WhAt iF I DiE FrOm CaFFeiNe OveRDoSe!!??) I mean, how fucking illogical and stupid is this? Ive gotten a LOT better about this, but it still happens sometimes. Im so sick of this shit. Anyone else experience anything similar? If you did, how did you get past it?
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone have a good day than next day worry about disease Ima hypochondriac
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self.Anxiety
|
Bad first week with xanax - need to talk to someone Sorry, I feel like I have been posting here way too often this week.
In my post history you can see I was prescribed xanax on Tuesday (5 days ago). I started with the recommended dosage before going to bed and woke up feeling great. I really thought my problems had all been solved and was in a brilliant mood. I didn't realise at the time that xanax is PRN as my psych had told me to take it 3x a day so I did it unquestioningly, whether or not that was a mistake I don't know.
Later on Wednesday I started to get a slight stomach ache which went away, but Thursday it was awful. The worst stomach cramps and dull aches. On Friday morning I was not feeling anxious, just in pain, so I decided to skip my dose but the aches were terrible all day. I ended up cracking and taking my afternoon dose although it didn't really alleviate the pain either.
On Friday night I tried to sleep without it, thankfully I managed, and despite feeling anxious today I have sworn not to take any xanax to see if the stomach pains disappear over the weekend.
I just feel so upset because I really thought xanax was the answer and now it seems to me that it must be connected to the stomach pain. I have never had stomach aches before so I really do not think they are an anxiety symptom. But when I google, it doesn't seem like anyone else has really suffered from this so I feel like a weirdo. I can see from google however that I do need to be really careful not to build up a dependency to the xanax which I think I easily would have done. Maybe it was just too abrasive for my stomach, or perhaps these are first-week side effects which my body will adjust to? I could cry.
I am keeping a detailed diary which I will show to my psych when we meet in a week's time, but I just really need to speak to someone else who has taken xanax that can reassure me I will be okay. I hope I am doing the right thing by not taking it today, especially as I have a big social event, but I don't want to swap my anxiety for agonising pain.
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self.Anxiety
|
Alone in this world. Life has been getting rougher and rougher as the days go by. Seems like there is no one there for me and it's starting to hit me harder than ever before. Seems like everyone around me has at least one best friend or friend there that they text/talk/call everyday and always have there for them. I feel like the outlier.
Constantly it seems like I'm the person taking initiatives to talk to others and no one else does the same to me. Coworkers say hi as they pass by, but they don't try to start a conversation with me unless I am the one to start it. So called "friends" that are there for me are only there for the second I ask for them and the next minute/hour/day they don't seem to care anymore and never call/text me to make sure I'm okay.
Parents don't make it easier by saying "making friends isn't that hard." It is when most of the time I feel like I'm the only one contributing to anything in the discussions and get-togethers.
Starting to consider trying to talk to a counselor with my issues seeing as I feel as though I'm a zombie now. Wake up, do my daily activities, hide my emotional distress, go to sleep and repeat. My college has a free counseling center that comes with the tuition that I am thinking of taking the offer on just to get someone to help me through this hard time since I feel like no one is really out there listening to my cries.
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self.depression
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Who's gonna spend New Year's Eve alone? No internet, pc, mobile, friends, even privacy at apartment. I dunno what I'll do.
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self.depression
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I’m so tired. (Child abuse TW) 24/F.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my past. From ages 8 to 12, I was molested by my (at the time) brother-in-law. At the time, I knew it was wrong, but I was terrified of him and my family. It finally ended when I told a friend from the internet that I was being hurt by someone close. When the friend messaged my sister, she confronted me about it and I told her that he had only asked to kiss me, because I didn’t want him to hurt me. My mother and sister confronted him and he went along with the lie. We weren’t left alone together after that.
Around 18, my sister found out the entire truth but didn’t want me to tell anyone because she doesn’t want to stop receiving child support for my niece. The longer I keep quiet, the more I want to end it. I’ve wanted to die since I was 10, and I think I’ve finally gotten the courage to do it.
I’m telling my mom this Friday. Antidepressants and anxiety medication hasn’t helped. Seeing a therapist hasn’t helped. I want my mom to know so that she can watch out for my niece when I’m gone. I’m so fucking tired.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Getting really hyperactive when 'manic'? Let me first say I'm not officially diagnosed with bipolar and idk if I'm posting on the right place, I'm diagnosed with several things but mainly BPD. Psych says I likely have fast cycling bipolar type 1 and I guess I'm not diagnosed because she's focusing on my BPD first. I've had a really destructive psychotic manic/mixed(?) phase that made me drop out and get hospitalized last year
I don't know whether I should be calling this manic, since I don't know whether its from BPD or my possible bipolar. But when I get manic I get extremely hyperactive next to the usual mania symptoms, my friend just asked if I was on cocaine. I talk like crazy, constantly shaking, twitchy. Its so weird. I'm just sitting here in front of my desk, legs shaking, eyes barely blinking. I feel so amazing yet scared, I'm about to go run to maybe calm down and get some weed
I've had these moods for years. Usually these moods last from about a day to 2 weeks. They probably last longer, but turn more into an irritated mood. I am medicated, I'm on seroquel and while it helps me a lot it doesn't get rid of this. Sorry if this post is all over the place, I'm really not thinking straight
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self.bipolar
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Old friends tried to kill herself This friend and I were really close for a few years, we just recently stopped being friends. I felt she was changing, we had different views and she would attack me when I voiced my own, and she ended up sleeping with one of our best friends husband's. I decided I didn't want someone like her as a friend any more and ended it.
I guess other friends were thinking the same thing about her and decided to see her less, then her work friends (the last group of friends she had) decided to cut ties too. From what I heard it was because there was a rumour about my friend sleeping with one of their boyfriend's. She claims it's not true, I personally believe her but who knows.
A couple of nights ago she posted a photo of her medical bracelet saying "hopefully it gets better from here" and then a selfie saying "this is not a good look for me". I ignored it at first, but I couldn't stop thinking about it and I asked a friend. She attempted to kill herself because she doesn't have any one anymore. Everyone keeps leaving her. I feel awful because she was someone so close to me and I still care about her. I was always the one she would go to about things like this and I left her.
I have no intentions on being friends with her again but should I still talk to her or leave her alone?
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self.depression
|
Saphris experience? Anyone have any experience they can share? I’ve just started and I’m not sure. I’m particularly worried about TD and weight gain
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self.bipolar
|
Share your Rapid cycling experiences? I suspect this is what's going on. Occasionally. In the thrust is this now, and am aware it needs tending in some manor. Also there is debate re rapid cycling in general.
My experience is less manic/ depressive; more manic spectrum symptoms alternatively with hypomania, or normative.
I'm having detached suicidal ideation ( but passing, not planning stage) combined with or alternatively with extreme agitated mood, sometimes violent, also creative flights.
I've taken apart a few furniture items, not necessarily uncommon, but I just organizied them yesterday, and I was proud of that. I want, in waves, to smash all sorts of things I normally enjoy having around. Patience extremely low.
No self control re drinking behavior. Well, some. But much less than I have had, v and that's been a goal.
All of this just over the last four hours or so.
I'm highly motivated to staple many things to the wall.
Feedback? Can anyone relat3?
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self.bipolar
|
Is this anxiety or mania/dysphoric mania/mixed state? I don't think it's mania? Because I'm sleeping okay. I don't really feel like I have tons of energy. Except when I have caffeine, then I feel like I'm bouncing off the walls (and I usually drink 3-7 cups a day, now I can hardly drink 2)
Anyway, symptoms: extreme racing thoughts and desire to do something impulsive (been online window shopping for like six hours straight). Yet I don't feel good, I feel clingy and paranoid that my new-ish SO is gonna leave me. I'm a little hypersexual maybe, because I've been having multiple orgasms while I'm waking up/sleeping (weird I know but I've always had them). The only thing that'll take the edge off is xanax or booze. I keep daydreaming that I'm somebody famous and partying nonstop (I'm not having delusions though). Extreme daydreaming. The thoughts won't stop.
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self.bipolar
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At times I feel like I’m doing everything I can to let people know I have depression without actually just saying it.
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self.depression
|
First step: self awareness. Know what you're feeling and remember to think logically. For over a month now, I have been suicidal and unable to accomplish anything. I'm feeling defeated and fatigued by everything. Although there are things I want to accomplish, I am not motivated.
I have major depressive disorder, panic disorder with episodic paranoia, generalized social phobia, & adhd.
In all honesty, I know I will be okay. I have dealt with this for 10 years (I'm 22 now). I've only been getting help consistently for 6 months though. It'll be a long road to recovery, but I hope to one day have a life that is worth living.
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self.depression
|
What can I do to survive just for today? I really felt an urge to slice my wrists when I was in the shower a few minutes ago.
I need to go to work in an hour but I'm a complete mess right now. I can't afford to miss it either (literally, I need money). If I skip work today, it will just be another addition to the list of failures that is my life. But work in customer service, how the fuck am I gonna help customers feeling suicidal like this? I can't even look at my dog right now.
Please help me survive just for today. Just until 20:30. I'm sure I'll be able to do something about it after I'm off work but right now I just want to disappear and I don't know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I am on a mission to beat my depression for good, and I need help.......... I am a 23 year old man and just about 3 years ago I broke my nose. Long story short I went to a dumbass doctor who thought it would be fine, but its not. My face looks alot different than it used to, well I think it does at least. Anyways this has cause me to have severe depression and anxiety, and the past the 3 years have been awful. I am always an asshole to my parents because a part of my mind tells me to be mad at them since they did'nt take me to the right doctor or make sure I got proper treatment. I have suicidal thoughts, and I breakdown at least once every two weeks in private. I bottle everything up because I am so embarressed that something like this is ruining my life. It truly consumes my mind all day long.
With that said not only does my nose look different from the trauma, my face just feels different, and causes me to think about it all day long. Whenever I look people in the eyes all I am thinking about is "do they notice my fucked up nose" "I must look so dumb". A part of me feels like my face is hard to look at for other people, but I really don't know what people think nor would they tell me the truth if I asked and it really was that bad.
Anyways I have pondered on getting plastic surgery for a while and gone to two doctors over time, but this also brings me a whole new headache. What if the doctor made my nose worse? What if people have gotten used to seeing me with a crooked nose, and then think its weird when I get it fixed and all the sudden look different again?
On top of that I just took a new job with a friend of mine and it would be kind of weird for me to quit out of the blue for plastic surgery, since the recovery time is about a month.
ANYWAYS this is my current situation and I AM DETERMINED to end this once and for all. I want to face this head on and not have it ruin another day in my life, I just don't know what to do. A part of me tells me to get surgery, and a part of me tells me to live with it. I am too embarressed to talk about this with anybody and even if I asked somebody I feel like they would'nt give me a real answer because they don't want to be mean and tell me that my face looks fucked up even if it is. My parents have told me I can talk to them but I cant even do that.
Please somebody give me some advice.
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self.depression
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My friend is going to commit suicide tomorrow - I really need help, or to be pointed to a subreddit that can help me One of my online friends says that she's going to commit suicide tomorrow. I dont know where she lives so I cannot call the cops. I could really use some advice, or at least be pointed to a subreddit that has people who can help me
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self.offmychest
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Have lost all motivation in life, I feel like all my dreams are shattered and the world is just not what I thought it was. Gradually over the span of last 2 years I have gradually gone into a downward spiral,with intoxication taking the life out of me. I feel there is no hope left, and feel sad all the time. I feel a genuine lack of friendship and human connections, have disconnected with my parents and feel very isolated.
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self.depression
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Can I be helped defining what happens to me so I can explain to those around me [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Is anyone awake who wants to vent at each other about stuff Text me if you want to talk about problems and why the world is crappy, I'm in a pretty crummy mindset atm
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self.depression
|
It's indescribable how much better my depression feels when I ingest caffeine I never drink coffee, tea, or cola... so maybe that's why i feel hypersensitive to caffeine's effects, but there's no denying that when i take one 200 mg caffeine tablet, I feel my depression lift monumentally....and the effects last for well over 8 hours. To avoid tolerance, I only take one every 2nd or 3rd day and i've been doing this for about 3 months.
My mood, alertness, ambition go through the roof. This past Christmas, i went from my usual "fuck Christmas and fuck everybody" attitude...to "shopping around for my 3 year old nephew, buying wrapping paper, and making a night out of putting effort into decorating/wrapping gifts".
This all might sound silly to some people, but it really had that effect on me. Anybody else?
If you're stuck, and don't already have a caffeine dependence, I highly recommend trying introducing strong doses in small intervals like this...and see what happens :)
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self.depression
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What happens if I voluntarily check myself into a psych ward? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Our house that is being reno'd got broken into last night dont know where else to vent. feel like I am about to implode.
preface everything by stating that I have lived in the neighborhood for 26 years and it has been for the most part a quiet and safe place.
so my parents hadnt touched the house up in 15 odd years and there was a few issues popping up with the roof leaking and mold growing cause of it etc. etc. so with my sister having kid #2 on the way, they decided to full-gut reno the house and my sister and brother in law would inherit the house.
so we used to store our work material in an outside wooden shed. locked up we didnt think it was a big deal but someone managed to pry open the actual lock part and get into the shed and took some wire and tools. frustrating but not a huge loss. we put on a new lock and reinforced some of the weaker points. about a month later we get hit again and this time the whole locking mechanism got fucked up beyond belief. it looked like someone had taken a drill to the damn thing and once again, some tools were taken. afterwards we decided to store everything in the house and just leave the shed as is. this all happened a few months ago.
now this morning I go to pick up a few things from our shop and my brother in law is there already and things had really fucking hit the fan. they had taken blowtorches or something to all of our keylocks. a shit load of electrician materials and tools had been swiped, and to top it all off they took our dishwasher and range which was being stored in the house. not only that but the idiots left some shit behind so they cant even use the range. to make it worse they tried to steal our fridge too but the sucker weighs like 700lbs so what happens? they dropped it down our stairs and now the thing is fucked up beyond repair.
so now have to deal with police reports, insurance companies, lawyers and the whole fuckin 9 yards. have to get hydro in and our panel sorted out so we can hook up some temp cameras (although if the thieves were smart theyd never come back) but fucking hell, what a shitshow. im not even gonna try to estimate how much all this shit is gonna cost to replace or restore or whatever but my family and I are some depressed and pissed off people right now and rightfully so.
honestly I am just fuckin speechless guys
tl;dr house that was going under reno got broken into, whole lot of shit was stolen. dealing with legal aftermaths
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self.offmychest
|
I hate insecure females. I just wanted to have lunch with your boyfriend, who is one of my dearest friend, but no, he’s not allowed to be alone with other females because of you! I’m not trying to sleep with him, I don’t think he has any desire to sleep with me, we’re just good friends damnit. And it’s only a fucking meal!
It sucks a lose a friend sometimes; hopefully this is temporary.
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self.offmychest
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My best friend used me and he doesn't care. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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What do you do when you have no one around? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Can a physical illness cause or mimic a hypomanic episode in a bipolar individual? Out of curiosity. I've been hypomanic for two weeks now, I've also had some sort of respiratory infection for two weeks. Is it possible that the hypomanic episode was triggered by my becoming physically ill? It just seems odd that they both started at the same time.
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self.bipolar
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what if im not depressed what if im like this because im stupid and ugly?? [deleted]
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self.depression
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A vent. After having gained some optimism back and starting to be a bit more positive, here it comes again an ocean of sadness that waves over me. Thoughts circulating around my brain at what seems to be at light-speed.
It's crazy how you can think and feel this is by far the lowest point of my life, it can't get any lower, and then a lower point comes along sooner or later that makes you reflect "wow how can this be lower then that time? "How much lower can the human mind and heart tolerate before it caves in?"
I'm on my 4th. Honestly i'm actually impressed i'm still here somehow.
Of all my 30 years of living this is has been the most educational and informative year of life ever, the year that taught me all the truths of life and humanity.
Are humans completely selfish by design? Or is this a product of centuries of brainwash by society? Humans by nature are selfish and competitive but it's more of a survivor defense mechanism than anything, I think all the rest of the cruel values and selfishness that has been brainwashed into humanities minds and hearts is definitely a product of the masses. I especially know this since I use to be one of them, utterly brainwashed, hurting others never realizing it or the extent. But thankfully I always in the depths of my heart had that urge, that desire to be a better human being programmed into my heart even in the bigoted ways of my past.
Everybody lies, EVERYONE LIES. When I say that I don't mean 100% I mean 80% the majority who far outweigh the few people you can run into who are apart of that other 20%, meaning it's almost invisible. Even that neighbor with his kids, loving wife, who wakes at 5am everyday to drink his coffee and goes to work, who smiles at you when he sees you in the morning and asks "how you are?" and bids a "good day" to you is some selfish prick who believes, who teaches and preaches these terrible values to his family thinking it's normal, it's alright, "we're the good ones", "we should be proud for being such upstanding citizens" even that guy is a total selfish evil prick that goes blind to most of societies eyes.
I don't know how to live with myself anymore, I've tried for months to figure out a way to want to continue to live in what I know and feel.
How can I integrate back into society knowing how they treats others? The racial inequality, how they view homosexuality, bisexuality, how they treat and think about people who are transgender, classicism, sexism, nationalism, religious discrimination, linguistic discrimination, neurological descrimination. How most women treat most men now, they're all evil. How transgender people treat cisgender people because "they could never understand" whelp they treated us this way so now "stfu" your cis you have no say you "evil cis!" It's nothing but hate one way or the other, even the person fighting for what's right is doing it by doing something so wrong, even if the person is good in your eyes there's something dark and fucked up about them.
I'm no saint but everyday I self-reflect, everyday I look at how I can improve as a human, I can do wrong and I can hurt, but I have the self-awareness to listen to my fellow human and learn from it and be better, to see my faults, where I can improve, because I can't stand the thought of a stranger hurting because I had something to do with it directly or indirectly.
Let's pollute, let's kill our planet, let's have plastic surgery for non-medical reasons, let's hurt animals, let's make MORE AND MORE AND MORE MONEY, let's bully in real life and on the internet, let's have privilege, let's eye for an eye, because if we suffered in the past I guess than those who oppressed should suffer now, even the innocent ones, so you're fucked if you're a man, or you're white, or you're Christian, or Jewish, or cisgender, or bisexual, or or or or or or. Let's not be educated, let's think we learned so much and enough, we shouldn't have to be taught better anymore, because "we know better".
Why is there so much risk to living a new day everyday even if you're mildly successful?
If I'm bisexual, my sexuality will probably get dismissed left and right all day.
If i'm gay I better not be somewhere like Lithuania.
If i'm transgender, well i'll have to look over my shoulder and fear for my life 68% of the time while never being taken seriously as my gender.
If i'm cisgender, well you better get use to the fact you're "evil" because I guess I had a conventional upbringing.
If i'm religious, well that's all hocus pocus now, you're beliefs are secondary to mines!
If you're unattractive, best get use to the idea you'll never get taken completely seriously, you'll have to work and prove yourself 20 times more to other people and probably still not get as good as a opportunity.
If you're a woman, hope you love that unequal salary and being slut-shammed for wearing a skirt or shorts one size too small and tight.
If you're shorter than 5'7, good luck in the dating world, HA good luck getting that job because statistically taller people are hired more and valued more.
If you have tattoos, get ready for those stereotypes and awkward looks of judgement.
If you're "fat", GUESS WHAT YOU'RE LAZY.
If you're too skinny, remember women love fits guys and men love voluptuous ladies!
If you're not making at least 100K, might as well die, you're like that crap that went on clearance at a dollar store nobody wants and will go salvage.
If you're bi-polar, have ptsd, depressed, on the spectrum and many of the other frequent and normal neurological conditions everyone suffers normally daily in society, all those immensely gorgeous models, those intellectually genius people, all those successful and wealthy people who have those conditions, no one bats an eye to them, because if you have an issue and your worth doesn't translate to instant money, well you're just a fucked up person, a waste.
Doesn't matter if you came from a violent background, homelessness, starvation, pain, a violent family, a history of prejudice. The older you are the more you better have your shit together! Because money, looks, degrees, that shit is just handed to you like bubblegum from a candy dispenser apparently.
Fuck you for telling me it'll get better, you mean if I somehow manage another week, or year, or 2 or 3 without fucking completely losing it mentally and going insane or offing myself because that's how psychological distress works, it gets the best of you.
It'll get better alright, when a gosh damn existential miracle happens that magically makes most people not shit even when they're "good people" who "mean well", when i'm not oppressed every damn waking second because I had no freaking say in my birth!
EAT IT BITCH SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST. Thank you humanity you have passed a beautiful legacy to our society. The hippies of back then had it all right, peace and love all ya'll. But those hippies were just a bunch of potheaded wastebags and their little mantra didn't translate to selfishness and money.
Thank you so much.
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self.depression
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Why am I like this? Do you think I'm annoying him? I told my boyfriend over a text that I don't know why he or anyone else would ever like me. He told me that I wasn't ugly and that maybe I could get my hair done or buy new clothes to make myself feel better. I told him nothing will ever make me feel better. He said, "Idk I can't change your mind but you are not ugly at all." I was at my moms house and I used her facebook. I messaged my boyfriend with her account and I asked him if I was ugly. He said "not at all. WTF" and then he put an angry face.
Like seriously I just feel like no matter what I'm ugly as hell. I just want to cry every day because of the way that I look.
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self.depression
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Just thinking and writing it on paper I feel so exhausted from my mind. It’s constantly worrying and comparing and putting myself down. I have zero self esteem. And I am not assertive at all. Extrovert all the way. I want to accept me for who I am but I just can’t. It’s never enough. I compare myself to the people I grew up with and I don’t even compare to them. I hate being looked at as lazy just because I have anxiety and depression. I don’t ever want someone to take pitty in me. That’s not what I want. I am strong in my own way. I strive slowly but I do it at my own pace. It may not be a big deal to the average person but it is to me. Like getting up or taking a shower. That’s Big to me. Trying to stay sane and in control is hard enough. Challenging my mind each day and trying to work out things up there in the ole noggin. I feel like I’ll never have the average relationship with people. It’ll always be broadened and enlightened with power. Maybe people are afraid of that or don’t get it. Idk. I tend to focus on more of my negative then my positive that’s a problem. Because it becomes annoying and unmanageable to people. People say things that I don’t see and I force it away every time. I argue and say theres better things out there than me. If only I could see myself talk.. but still it’s gotta be a downer to watch a person put themselves down and constantly compare themselves to the average dipswitch out there. I know I still need work in changing my thinking pattern which could take 10 years or two months. But I’m the type to take my time so I’m counting on the 10 year gap. It’s hard! It’s really flippin hard. To stay on track and remember how awesome I am and that I deserve more worth from myself. I have to love myself before I do anything else. I have to fight for my life in order to achieve greatness. It all starts with me. Which is the hardest thing for me to do because I tend to focus on others and my stupid flaws when all along I need to focus on me at all times. Ugh I hope it pays off all this mental change in the end. I need to hold my teddy bear tight and pray hard about all of this. I need to take time out of my day each day and focus positivity on myself. Even if that means writing it down. And saying it over and over and putting sticky notes all over my room and mirror. Just to remind myself. This has got to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I need to do this. Even if that means starting over and over and over (which I’m very good at) I need to keep going and striving for some kind of peace in my mind and in my life. And also stop hanging out with low life’s who bring me down and who don’t support me as a woman of god and of mental illness. I tend to use drinking in order to be more appealing and free and open but I only want to do it at home. I’m tired of going out to life less bars and watching people get wasted and have no goals. I deserve to be around better people. I’m just so over the crowded people and slurring gesturing words of seduction. The blackout melt downs and random conversations with that one guy. Pssshhh no thanks I’d rather stay home and take a bubble bath and drink my wine. I’m fine with that. I don’t need to put myself In those dirty regretful positions and not to mention DANGEROUS places.
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self.depression
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I haven't going out since Friday I feel really unmotivated lately.
I'm failing all my university classes, I have no real friends to go out with, my family hates me and I hate them, I have porn addiction, smartphone addiction and computer addiction, I don't eat healthy, I don't do sports, I can't focus. Life sucks.
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self.depression
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What is "fun"? Ive been going through my usual daily habit of paging through all the self improvement and pick up subs trying desperately to find the one thing I'm overlooking that can turn my life around (havent found it yet obv). I noticed that any time social advice is given peoole always say to try and have fun or give others a fun time or be fun to be around. Am I the only one who feels like the word "fun" has lost all meaning.
I havent felt like any activity was "fun" in years. Nothing brings any kind of excitement or satisfaction. I don't get adrenaline rushes or swells of anticipation anymore. Things just happen, and then they end, and then I go sleep some more. I legitimately have no idea what it means to have fun in the moment or enjoy something beyond basic physical satiation like food or sleep or sex (yeah right like that's ever gonna happen lol). How does anyone enjoy a party or a sport or a concert, those all just seem like tedious chores to me. I have to force myself to play video games because even they bore me.
People don't talk to me but if they did I'd have nothing to say. Even the things I used to dream about doing when I was a kid just seem bleak and pointless when I think about them now. How do you have fun? I can relax when I'm pent up, I can eat when I'm hungry, I can hug my pillow and cry when I get lonely but I have no idea how to address the lack of fun in my life. Every girl wants a fun guy, people expect each other to do some voodoo crap and send out good vibes. Everyone wants to be the life of the party. I feel so distant from those desires it makes me seem inhuman. I feel like ive never really experienced fun, maybe if I could taste it just once it would give me motivation to turn things around and live again.
What can I do though? All my hobbies are dull and draining, my skills are worthless, i have no friends to go places with and all of my dreams are either impossible or just as empty and bleak as my current life. I just don't know...
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self.SuicideWatch
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Have to switch from lamictal (generic) xR to immediate release... should I be worried? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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i don't want people to worry its for the best
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why is being depressed so stubborn? I know hes right but still I can't accept advice. Are you like this too? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I wanted to shout this out because it has been troubling me for awhile. [deleted]
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self.depression
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25 male, virgin, never had a girlfriend, want this to end [removed]
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self.depression
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Update post! Posted on Tuesday about a work event, and being frozen.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/comments/7xao6x/big_night_at_work_ahead/?st=JDS8T20H&sh=e0dcee0f
I made it in, got my stuff squared. I had a semi aggressive goal—about 20% more than the GM—and when he left, I was at his, but 2 units shy of mine.
1 hour later, when I left, I was 2 past mine!
Thanks for the encouragement, and avenue for release.
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self.Anxiety
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Trying to be productive I always try to make myself feel better by doing something productive (playing guitar, writing stuff) and for a little while, i feel good. But then i start to think about it and i realise that nothing i’m doing is really productive and nothing i can do will ever work towards a goal. And that just makes me feel more depressed.
Just a little rant.
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self.depression
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Whatever you are doing on New Year's Eve - it's going to be ok. I've seen a lot of people have posted about how stresfull the Holidays and New Year season is, but I still wanted to share some of my thoughts.
New Year's Eve have always been very hard for me, because there was so much pressure to have fun and feel good and so many oprotunities. I know It may sound silly, but I'm sure this feeling is familiar to many of those who are dealing with anxiety and depression. I was always stressed about which party or meeting to choose and always was feeling that I'm missing out and that others are having more fun than me. I have always been really paranoid about making decisions. I used to have regrets about smallest things. This day only reminded me that my life is never going to be good enought.
This is first year that I've made a concious decision to stay at home for the New Years Eve. I'll be spending time with my mum eating chips and watching stuff on tv. I'm sure I'll miss a lot of crazy parties and hear a lot of fun stories from my friends when I go back to uni. But It's my decision and it's ok.
It's ok if you go out and party. It's ok if you stay home and watch tv. It's ok if it's just another day for you and you will play video games and go to sleep before midnight.
This is your time and your decison. It's ok to do whatever you want on this day.
Stay strong and all the best in the new year!
I would love to hear about your opinions and stories on this topic.
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self.Anxiety
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What is the point of living when I am so unhappy? Its a serious question. Why do I have to put myself through day after day of barely living. I'm an anxious mess. I have a panic attack if I need to leave the house. I'm home with my kids all day and I really think I'm screwing them up. I cry all the time, I can't get basic things done, and I can only drive locally. I have two very young kids. They are why I am still here. I know it would be messed up for them to have to grow up knowing mommy committed suicide. I don't want to mess them up. I don't want my baby walking around asking where mommy is. But I really don't think its healthy for them to be around me all day the way I am. I'm sorry if this is all over the place. I don't know why I'm even posting. I'm in the midst of an anxiety attack. I'm just tired of doing this. I'm not really sure it will ever get better. I want out, but I feel stuck and weighed down. I've never felt so trapped.
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self.SuicideWatch
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"sorry i suck at school cuz i suck at life" How do I email my teachers and say I'm sorry I didn't get any homework done and I won't be in class tomorrow because I'm too depressed to even see the point in living?? And I may or may not have been plotting my own death.. Fuck school.
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self.depression
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How do you deal with your mind creating doubts for everything I'm really struggling in this period. Seems like my mind wants to create doubts for everything. Before I had doubts about my body like what if I've a small penis or a lazy eye, if I have a ugly voice etc. Now this problem seems to be about everything and my life sucks because of it. Even something pleasant is ruined because I worry I might fuck up, do the wrong thing, waste money or whatever.
I live in constant anxiety and I don't know what to do.
Six months ago I quit lorazepam and I'm currently only on Zyprexa.
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self.Anxiety
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I finally figured out the cause of my depression, and how I will fight it! **I've finally pinpointed the exact cause of my depression, and have figured out a plan to combat it! I feel excited!**
Firstly, I'd like to clarify I have no idea if my depression is just sadness *(because I can be happy some days too)*, or full blown medical *(because when the sadness strikes, it leaves me with crippling sense of loneliness and physical pain in my chest; it feels like my chest is hollow and the air is gonna crush it in).*
Took me way too long, but I've finally realized my specific cause of depression.
Back in High School, I met an amazing girl. We started dating, and while she was honest and sincere, she never put in efforts. I always seemed to be the one putting in all the efforts, calling, arranging dates, and she just laid back and accepted or rejected them because she had other plans. In the present, I have come to grips with this. She wasn't malicious or ill-inntentioned; she truly loved me, and truly felt the efforts she was putting in was enough. Furthermore, I've accepted that I was being clingy and possesive.
However, this apparent one-sidedness was the seed for my insecurity. Affected me at a crucial age.
Fast forward to 2 years back in college. Met another girl, got together, dated for a year. However, I failed to keep my insecurity in check. I acted extremely possesive with her. My mistake. Adding fuel to the fire, she is a complete extrovert, I am a complete introvert. She struggled with abandonment issues, I struggled with insecurities. Perfect recipe for a toxic, codependent relationship. We were unintentionally being mentally and emotionally abusive to each other. The final straw was a guy who joined our class later on, who, on paper, checked every box she'd ever told me she wants in a perfect guy. Lean body, cute looking, artist, sculptor, photographer. It drove me nuts. One day, during a fight, she told me, "I think I dated you too hastily."
I asked, "What if you hadn't?"
She replied, "Maybe I would've been with Robert".
I sat up the whole night crying. It was a hard blow. Added fuel to my already irrational sense of insecurity. She apologized profusely, kept insisting she said it out of spite in anger and didn't really mean it, and that she loved me. I forgave her superficially, but a few months later, we broke up. She cried and begged me to not leave her, but I insisted anyways. God I feel terrible thinking about it. I feel terrible thinking about her, thinking how she loved a guy, and how saying something out of anger caused the guy she loved to leave him. I have no idea how to tell her that wasn't the only reason. The entire relation was getting rough.
Nonetheless, these two incidents have created a a very deep sense of insecurity within me. It got wedged in my heart during adolesence and teenage, and is still coloring my life ever since.
Fast forward, present day. My life is perfect. I have a loving family, awesome friends, no girl problems to deal with, fun hobbies, whatnot.
Yet, I feel depressed. Took me a really long to figure out why. Turns out, my life is too perfect. My expenses are paid of by my parents because I'm still in college. I have no problems to face, no job to do. Turns out, the human mind needs something to give a fuck about. I have nothing to give a fuck about all day, so my purposelessness makes room for my insecurity to creep up again. SInce I don't have a girlfriend, it manifests itself in a shitty form of FOMO. Whenever anything happens in any aspect of my friends/family's life, and I'm not involved, I feel depressed. I feel I'm a really lonely guy. It's very fucking silly.
But now that I've figured out why I feel depressed, I can come to grips with it. Writing this all out is therapeutic. It feels like I'm already coming closer to accepting why I'm fucked up.
**And I have a plan of action.**
By the end of this year, I'm gonna be going on a trek. Me and fifteen other people from my city are gonna climb Kedarkantha peak in the Himalayas. It is gonna be a memorbale experience. Perhaps more importantly, it is gonna be a disruptive event at the end of a year.
I shall take advantage of the disruption, to serve as a checkpoint to start making changes in my life. To reform myself, to build on and put efforts into myself. Practically, I will:
1. **Start earning.** In 2018, I will get a job, start earning and become at least a little financially self dependent.
2. **Start working out.** I'm not unfit by any means, but I am still skinny. I've always been satisfied with my body, but I can get better. I will get better.
3. **Socialize.** I am a shy, introverted, reserved guy. It is a very comfortable place to be in. Plus, with the way introversion is romanticized in pop culture, I never leave my comfort zone. But I will now. I will attend events and parties. I will push myself out of my comfort zone. I will flirt more. I will socialize more, interact with people more, meet new people. I will push myself.
4. **Push my skills further.** Whatever stuff I indulge myself, I will push myself to learn just a LITTLE bit more about it. I will put slightly more more efforts into a lot more aspects of my life.
5. **Be more honest with my own feelings** and expressions. I've always strived to be honest with others, but very rarely am I honest with my own feelings and intentions and subsconscious incentives. I will be self-aware and honest with my own thoughts. In fact, I'm gonna take the first step towards that right now, and acknowledge why I'm posting this:
- Because I want to share these feelings with someone, and I'm more comfortable sharing this with Internet strangers.
- Because I hope someone reading this will feel at least slightly better.
- Because I will feel slightly validated about my feelings. (Brutal honesty)
I have no idea if these things will work. I just hope they do. I hope 2018 will be the best year I've had so far. And if you read till this point, thanks a lot for sparing your time to read a stranger whine about his insecurities. Hope you have an amazing 2018 too! Heck, hope the rest of this month also goes better than whatever shitty thing you're going through right now!
**Good luck!**
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self.depression
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So I'm giving my boss my two weeks tomorrow (Good thing) First time posting here...so I dunno. Anyway. I've made up my mind to give my boss my two weeks notice letter. I just can't deal with her constant criticism of my job skills and putting me down constantly and swiping at my self esteem enough to make want to end it all. I also can't even function doing my job because I'll be moved elsewhere to do something menial even when helping out someone else.
The job itself wasn't as bad but after losing my mother last month I just can't take how horrible of a person or an environment she has created at work. It wasn't up until this month when I even considered going to a psych ward to get treated because I felt so down with myself coming home from working with her.
Also I haven't had need to take any psychiatric medication until dealing with her. However I think I might go look into something to help me balance out. But not having to worry about a stressful environment will help me focus finding something better and bringing my self esteem back up.
Anyway, sorry to rant. I just think I found a way to get rid of one of the problems dragging my mental health down into the toilet and excited to pull the trigger and do this. Wish me luck!
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self.depression
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I feel like I'm being robbed of my life I have problems with depression and anxiety, mainly stemming from OCD and intrusive thoughts. I take medication, practice meditation and went to therapy (which was so expensive). I'm still not better.
On the outside I have a lot going for me. I'm blessed to have a good family, a good education, I'm athletic, social, two years ago I was brave enough to move to a foreign country where I didn't know anyone and I learnt the local language and performed very well at work.
I was okay for a year or two but I had a relapse a month and a bit ago. There's so much left I wanna achieve in life. I want a family, an apartment, a dog, a car, friends to watch the game with, a good job, good results in sports.
All I thought about this morning was how killing myself would make the thoughts stop. I'm not going to do because it would break my parent's hearts.
Ruminating is my biggest issue.
Depression and OCD is stealing my life.
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self.depression
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My boyfriend doesn't want kids and I do He's only 24 so I'm hoping he'll change his mind. He even loves kids, he just thinks it's immoral to have them because life includes suffering. He admits he'd be a good dad and would enjoy it. Me, I'm 31, my time is running out. I've just had such bad luck finding boyfriends. If I dump him I doubt I'll find someone new anyway. I really have had bad luck, I'm kind of weird, idk. I feel like I'm in hell. If he likes kids and wants me to be happy, why won't he change his mind? We've had such an amazing relationship other than this.
I keep telling him to dump me and find someone childfree and he says he loves *me*.
I'm going to be so alone when I'm old, either way. I know it's ok to not have kids if you don't want them (please don't shame me for not being childfree), but I do, and I'm so utterly depressed about this.
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety changed into cyclical mini panic Anyone else have anxiety like this? I’ve had anxiety for a couple years now and it was pretty well treated with Zoloft. Seemingly out of no where I started having mini panic attack’s where I get an intense feeling of dread and fear. Luckily it is usually short lived but happens many many times throughout the day. I think it has something to do with my Norepinephrine levels being too high but can’t confirm and am basing this on purely anecdotal evidence. Anyone have any insights/suggestions??
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self.Anxiety
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Highs and Lows I'm having such a hard time dealing with lack of focus in my entire life. It makes me feel like garbage and a waste of space to grace this planet. I swear everyone around me has passions and potential and a drive to succeed in one area or another yet I have taken such a long time to come to terms with myself and its still not there! I'm surrounded by confidence and go getters and i know deep down that i could go and try and do all of these things that i want to experience but when push comes to shove i find it impossible to justify it or sometimes even remember what it was i wanted to do. This lack of passion for life gets me down every bloody day and I just want it to go away so that i can become comfortable with myself and have an casual epiphany that will allow me to move on a get on with my life.
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self.depression
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I have been feeling so depressed after a specific incident. [deleted]
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self.depression
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pills im currently 17 have been contemplating suicide since i was 14 and im just sick of being like this im just so stuck in my on head and have often thought about getting on antidepressants but growing up around drug addicts the though of taking a pill to deal with any thing disgusts me do you guys thing some peope have to get on medication to get better/feel normal
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self.depression
|
Anxiety or delusions? Okay, in my mind I am convinced these thoughts are accurate and really how people think and feel on a VERY primitive and deep level. (Psychological perspective)
Here are a few examples
I have 3 roomates, they each make about 55k a year, and have never ONCE purchased food. I have lived with them for about 5 months and they have only eaten my food that I buy..
So the initial thoughts I have in my mind are that my roomates don't give a crap about this household and typically want to use people as often as they can, they are irresponsible and don't respect me as a person. These people are selfish and only care to party and use others to make their lives as easy as possible, they are typically low inhibition and I think they are a threat when it comes to any type of support (can't rely on them)
Here's another example:
I go on facebook, and we've ALL seen this thousands of times..
You go on facebook and some random chick is on there complaining about something trivial or saying someting passive aggressive towards their significant other.. and you will see 10 guys jump to her aid and even hit on her thinking they have a chance to score with her, even though she is just usin them as emotional tampons and will never bang any of these guys, she is just boosting her own ego and making sure she is still worthy in other men's eyes as a type of future "rebound" or just a general feeling of security in life so they don't feel entrapped and whatnot.
Now, I think this is true, mainly because of human nature, how people are selfish to an extent and we all want security etc.. It's just the men are pathetic creatures who don't realize that females have 50000x more options interms of sex or partners and pick men based on various times in their lives. They go through a phase where they bang a bunch of studs, get knocked up, and get older and realizee they need to secure more cash now and so fourth.
(Not all people are like this, but majority are and the general principle still stands and is very realistic)
Here's another thought.
Most people can't be trusted, there will eventually come a time where the relationship will come to a hault and the other person will have a moodswing and eventually use info that you've given them about yourself (maybe something you are VERY insecure about) and give you crap for it, or they will tell other people about you, maybe an x girlfriend might tell other females that you have a small penis, or that you're not good enough and poor etc.. Now, this has happened A LOT to many people I know, people spitefully using information you've given them in the past, and using it in the future when they decide they hate your guts or after a "fallout". They will go around gossiping about you and so fourth, men do it too, especially towards other men.
Heres another example:
I go to a bar and I'm by myself and I see 2 chicks there and they both give me a hug and ask me to play pool. It's pretty late and most people are already drunk, but there's a group of maybe 6 males there talking crap trying to harass and look alpha infront of my female companions..
My initial thoughts are "These guys are trying to be alphamales and impress the ladies, they are pack animals who dislike me and are jealous of the fact I am with 2 females and they are only with a group of dudes" it's a natural jealousy and envy, and very primitive aswell. So they want to talk shit and try to bully to compensate for their insecurities, kind of like a kid in middle school who's angry trying to hate on the other kid for being smart or bullying them for a flaw they might have etc.
I have more examples if you guys want maybe ones I can give you from workplaces and other observations I've had.
I am pretty certain I just look at things more logically and for what they are incomparison to other people who just live their lives blindly.. But I just hate it because I isolate and hate people for stuff like this..
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self.Anxiety
|
Don't you need dopamine to increase dopamine levels? How does this work? This could also be appropriate for the r/depression sub but...
My therapist recommends, and is common knowledge, that exercising at least 15 minutes a day greatly improves mental health. The problem is shaking the heaviness and/or irrational anxiety of working out in order to actually do it. I can tell the distinct difference between when I'm just tired or lazy and when I'm feeling emotionally unable to be active, and it's usually the latter. I have an athletic past, very involved in sports and fitness, granted it comes in cycles in my adulthood, so that's not the issue.
For those of you who consistently stay active as a means to offset anxiety or depression, what's your push?
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self.Anxiety
|
Using hot water bottle helping me with heavy chest feeling. Try! [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Terrified of dying For some reason I will start to feel like my whole world is coming down and my heart rate goes straight thru the roof and I feel like I’m gonna fall over and die
Currently going thru it right now and I’m reading the posts help but I still feel absolutely terrible.
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self.Anxiety
|
Thanksgiving break dread I can’t be the only one dreading Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving break, right? I’ll have to talk to relatives I would really rather not see, clean up the house and try my best to not break down crying at the dinner table. If I had school instead of break at least I could just rely on my usual monotonous routine and pretend things are alright
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self.depression
|
Whats the point.. Whats the point of living when 99.8% of your depression and stress is caused by your mo
m and a dad you haven't seen for over a decade because he abandoned you when you were in kindergarten and is now running away from child service's from you and your siblings.
When you do so much for your family amd smile even though you so badly want to end it all, when she talks to her friends and say my kids don't do jack shit. When I literally do more then her, I cook, I clean, I even did her homework.
I was an honour student since grade 7 to now, my grades are dropping, I'm being abused. I wanna end it all, drop out of school, run away, suicide.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Could use some advice on a friend with depression Back in Feb I got to talking with a girl I'd met here on reddit. Over the next 5 months or so we'd watch shows together, play games, talk over skype, and even fall asleep on skype together. This was pretty much daily. Both had some occasional crappy times pop up where it helped having each other around to get through it. Often times she'd complained about not feeling well. She'd thought something might be wrong with her, was going to the doctor to find out and such. Don't think anything was but we fell out of touch for a while. She'd got mad at me one day and blocked me when she was feeling bad around mid August.
She's definitely depressed. I'm no stranger to depression myself, been dealing with it some the last few years myself.
We're both a similar personality type if you're into that MBTI stuff.
I've caught some info in other groups where others would talk about how they'd retreat for a while when they're feeling really down.
Basically wondering if there's any way I could help her.
We both care about each other although when she disappears it's kind of hard. A few weeks back she's popped up for a few days, we'd talked, seemed to have a good time chatting and such. Then she disappeared again.
Week before last she'd messaged me asking if we could watch something together soonish...but nothing came of it.
She's not easy to talk to when she gets this way as she'll set her phone to not allow messages or calls. Still blocked on skype. We'd been talking on Discord but she just doesn't come on.
I'd sent one email last week and a few days later just got a short reply that she wasn't doing well and to not email, so I didn't reply and haven't since. Figured maybe she'd pop up again at some point, but unsure if there's more I could be doing to help out.
A couple weeks back when she'd popped up for a few days...maybe about a week. She'd talk about how she was feeling bad, in pain, and make some pretty dark comments. Doesn't really have anyone etc. Not much of a support structure.
I'd developed a pretty nasty cough she convinced me to go to the doctor about...I was kinda considering it since it didn't seem to be the little annoying one I usually get. She'd be a little short on money for food, so I'd give her some. Told me she loved me and wanted me to get to feeling better, can't not care about me as I'd been supportive of her for so long.
It's just odd how we'll go from talking and having a good time, to nothing. She'll just hole up pretty hard.
I know there's a lot of details being left out here, but I don't want this to be a massively long post.
Any advice or suggestions?
Should I just leave her alone till she pops up again?
Anything I could say or do?
|
self.depression
|
Told a close friend about my depression A few months ago i broke down and told a friend that i thought i was really closed to about how i feel for several years already. She was the first and only person i told about it. Seeing everywhere that you should seek help in others motivated me to do that but i just got in a worse situation. After i told her about it, she told me that i’m not depressed, i don’t have reasons for being depressed, i don’t look like being depressed. After this answer i just couldn’t make myself to answer to her, i felt totally broken after building up all that courage it took me to tell her. Now I’m afraid to tell anyone that might even care about it when they ask me. My anxiety stops me from seeking professional help, i don’t know how to start, where to look for... I thought about confessing to my mother but as i know her, she’d take it worse than my friend...
I don’t know why i really made this post, i just needed to take this off my chest and maybe get some advices.
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self.depression
|
Just vent a little. Anxiety along the weekend I started university again and makes me anxious, that and go out. Go out is a nightmare.
This weekend I had a party and I was fucking anxious all the time, and my partner ignored me when I told him that I wanted to go, I had to insist a lot and were almost two hours of crisis alone in the car waiting for him.
It feels like is always my fault.
I want to enjoy those kind of stuff, as my friends were, but I was just too anxious and kinda annoyed.
Now two days later I'm still crying for feeling those kind of thing, and thinking there is something really broken in myself that I can't fix.
Ikindawanttodiesomethimes.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I want to be forgotten, is that wrong? I want to be forgotten. I'm not suicidal; I may be a bit antisocial, but mostly, I want to be forgotten.
I don't understand why people are obsessed with recognition or their legacy. Why not just be happy and accept that life is temporary?
Maybe something is just wrong with me. Thanks for listening.
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self.offmychest
|
Started Sertraline yesterday. What were your experiences in the beginning? I took my first dose (25mg) last night – my doctor recommended to take it before bed because it can cause drowsiness, but actually I became sort of manic?
I felt like I had endless energy and couldn't stop moving, and in general was just very hyper. I went to bed much later and got less sleep than normal, and woke up feeling very energized and wired too. Yet after being awake about 2 hours, I became really drowsy. I took another dose at midday today instead of night, thinking it would make me hyper again, but I feel very low energy. Is it normal to have these experiences at different ends of the spectrum? How do you guys find sertraline?
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self.depression
|
Social anxiety getting in the way as usual I feel like I’m never going to ever make friends or meet new people...
At college I keep to myself and can’t get myself to talk to anyone. I don’t have the money to go out at the minute so I don’t get the chance to meet new people in town or events, and I’m not a one for drinking much, just occasionally. I’m more for adventures and humour, experiencing new things and stuff.
I feel like I’m never gonna get the chance to live and be sociable and my anxiety always gets in the way. Even when me and my boyfriend is out, people always speak to him but not me and my boyfriend speaks for me most of the time and I feel like such an alien because of this...can anyone help? Anyone got any advice? I’m starting to overthink every step of my life...
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self.Anxiety
|
What type of music do you like during panic attack? When I’m already panicking I like music like Merbow. Just some harsh noise to drown out my thoughts and match my mood. Or I’ll listen to bad europop as well. I tend to prefer music that matches my mood.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why not just give up? Why is giving up bad? I mean if there is no solution for a problem? What if it is just hopeless? What if the future looks bleak? And you can't chance it? Why not give up and kill yourself? Why fighting when it's just wasted energy? I think i have lived long enough. It's time to put an end on it. It is really worth fighting for things you will never achieve? I don't think so. Maybe i am wrong?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Starting medication today. Very nervous. First time posting here.
I've had mild anxiety as long as I can remember. I've always been the type to worry about everything, always be paranoid, and always afraid of new environments and social situations. In the last 6 months, my condition has deteriorated to being hospitalized twice for chest pains, which turned out to be due to my anxiety and panic attacks. I was referred to a psychiatrist.
I saw her yesterday, she was a nice woman, but was straight to business. "Are you willing to try medication?" She asked me. Absolutely I am. Anything to stop the pain. The panic attacks. The fear. She prescribed prozac. An antidepressant for anxiety? So I asked her if there was another option, maybe Xanax? Because of my family history of substance abuse, she didn't think it was a good idea to give me benzos. She explained that prozac can be used for anxiety. Take the pills, come back in a week.
Here I am, bottle of pills in hand, terrified of how I will change. Will I get better? Will I become a monster? Only time will tell.
Anybody else on, or formerly on prozac? What was your experience? Did you find it helped, or did it make it worse?
Thank you for listening.
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self.Anxiety
|
I’d kill my self only if Guns were easy to get in the U.K. I’m too much of a wuss to do it any other way.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Summer depression I have summer depression. Its exhausting, I feel so empty, so hopeless, so irritated about the fucking sun. I can't even shower, or work. I'm happier when I sleep during the day and stay active at night but after some weeks that's starting to feel lonely - yet I'm not in the mood for inviting someone home. I keep reading online about how important it is to eat and do exercise, yet when I'm depressed I tend to do binge eating and no matter what exercise it makes me feel like crap. Exercise can actually trigger suicide thoughts on me.
I don't know what else to do. I hate summers, and I hate feeling like this..
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self.depression
|
Supposedly stable but still "less" than non bipolars in many ways. Anyone else? * I feel like I call in sick more often than others (average once a month), and that if I were to call in sick every time I truly felt sick (not bipolar but colds stomachache etc) I'd be missing at least a day a week.
* I feel like I have less energy and less to give than other people. I work in a job that requires high energy, high amounts of positive emotion and long hours. I notice I'm not as upbeat as others and I think I complain of being tired more than others do.
* My colleagues can tolerate these hours and still be themselves, but I can't. My colleagues can tolerate the lack of personal time, but I can't. I called in today and part of the reason (not just having had a cold on and off but mostly on for three weeks) is because I have so much shit to do. Laundry, bills, all those little tasks have gone undone and of course the things that are important to me (time to talk to my family and do my hobbies) are not even imaginable. I work at least 42 hours a week, sometimes up to 46, from Monday-Saturday. Weekday shifts are always morning, sometimes afternoon and sometimes evening. Saturdays are all day and I've worked 6 in a row, not counting the week my contract "didn't require" me to be there.
* The thing is I love my job and really want to give my all. My colleagues seem more on autopilot about it, but are more positive and energized at work. Like they have less passion, because they know how to do it all already. I lack experience in the field and that does make it harder for me.
* I feel like I'm not feeling very grounded and organized and it's stressing me out.
I don't know if I have to accept that I have less to give than others. Less energy to draw on. Less tolerance for working while sick, or while tired, or while their home is in a mess. Less ability to stay organized with the time I have. Less discipline. I don't know if this is just me. I have no idea if it's bipolar because I'm supposedly stable, but there's no other culprit. My IBS, migraines and back pain are all under control and I don't suffer with other issues. So why do I have less to give? Why am I so tired?
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self.bipolar
|
trying to understand this emotion: is this anxiety? Hi guys - I am hoping someone could tell me if they've ever felt this way and if so, how to calm down when it happens?
I work customer service despite not being able to deal with people screaming at me. When I pick up the phone and the person on the other end of the line immediately starts screaming at me.. this is how I feel:
I literally feel a build up start from my chest all the way to my throat, it chokes me up, my hands and voice get shaky and my hands moist. I try my best to start breathing in deeply before I have to talk but there is often no way to hide the shakiness in my voice.
It usually gets better as I talk and as the person calms but often time I'll be too shaken up after the call that I'll need to breathe for maybe 2 minutes.
Is this anxiety? I am sorry if I sound ignorant, unfortunately I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this right now
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self.Anxiety
|
At my best when not thinking of the future Back story: I graduated with a degree in Graphic Design a year ago but have yet to find a job. I'm missing a great portfolio and applying to jobs without that is useless.
2 weeks ago I told my best friend how much anxiety I get when I apply for jobs and they request to see a portfolio. I also told her how I often mentally plan out running away. How I'd buy a plane ticket, find a new job, find a new husband and friends. She made a joke how it'd probably be easier to just make a portfolio.
So with that in mind I emailed a local portfolio professor and asked what I could do to prep for next semester, they were already 2 weeks in. He said it was a year long process and if I wanted to jump in this semester I had 45 mins to get there and join in..,, I was still in pjs, had never been to this campus, no clue what building on campus the room was in. I didn't have time to think anything through, I just did it. I got there in less than 30 mins, I beat the professor to the class. He walked in, said "Salemsmeowmix? Impressive".
I've been in the class for 2 weeks and it finally seems like I'm caught up. Because I'm so busy catching up I wasn't able to think about the amount of work I had to do.
It seems that if I have too much to do I buckle under pressure, but if I have too little I feel useless. It's a fine line to straddle, so the key for me has been: make a list of things to do(even small things), mark them off when your done, then on to a new list.
It often feels that there's only bad news on r/Bipolar and I wanted to spread some good vibes.
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self.bipolar
|
An email I'll never send about my boyfriend being in love with his ex. I can still see it in your eyes. When she comes up in conversation I see the pangs. Sometimes I look at pictures of you and her and cry because you've never looked that happy with me. You adamantly deny this. You tell me all the ways I'm better and that she treated you like shit and you'd never ever get back together. I know you say that to protect my feelings. She broke you and you'd let her do it again in a heartbeat. It doesn't matter that we've been together twice as long. That we live together, and that you and her never did. That was part of her charm, wasn't it? Just always slightly out of reach. Never quite yours. She's not even as pretty, honestly. But she has something that I don't. She has the pedestal you put her on, and I'll never reach that high.
With her, the good moments were few and far between, so you cherished them. For some reason they made up for the cold and distant times. You choose to remember her like that; not for what she is - a selfish and emotionally immature person who is weird for the sake of being weird. A person who feigns depth and complexity for no reason other than it is easier than actually having a real personality.
I've always been warm to you from day one and I feel like because of that, my warmth doesn't stand out. It's just always there. Even when I'm mad I still care and worry. But I'm remembered for the negative things more than the many times that I've full heartedly listened with concern to your thoughts and ideas, gave my honest feedback. I honestly laugh at all your jokes. We play games and hide from the world for days on end. I take care of you when you aren't feeling well. I cook you meals because thinking of what to have for dinner each night usually just ends in you opting to have a cliff bar instead. I do the grocery shopping because I know you hate it. I look forward to seeing you after work each day. But nope... The times I'm anxious and have a meltdown over something stupid, get cranky because I don't feel well, or get sad about not being the only girl you want, those are the times that I feel like are remembered. Those times stand out. I get punished for being supportive and loving because it happens too often and it's predictable.
I'm the sure thing, but that isn't good enough. For some reason the approval of a noncommittal selfish asshole is what you want more. Even though the path to even try for it (which is not even guaranteed) would leave you a shell of a person and miserable. Even if it would probably end up being predictable (albeit in different ways) too after another year.
She's not as complicated as you make her out to be in your head. Don't mistake narcissistic tendencies for depth. That shit would have gotten old and tiring to deal with day in and day out, but because she cut it off early you still have the fantasy that it could have worked out. It wouldn't have, but that's not stopping you from keeping me as your second choice. Your backup. The one that's good enough to tide you over, in case you never get to see for yourself what a shit show a second chance with her would be. I fucking hate being a second choice.
I'm asking you right now to move on from that fantasy, or move on from me. I don't deserve to be a second choice. I'm going to be someone's first choice one day. Whether it's you, after you realize she's a shit person and not worthy of the pedestal you put her on, or someone else who appreciates my genuine love. But I am not settling for second.
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self.offmychest
|
Had this all bottled up... PRIVATE
How do I feel? Well I don’t really know...maybe I’ll know by the end of this...whatever this is...for sometime now I’ve been torn, I’ve been in pain, and I’ve been wondering why I am this way. Well I know why I am this way but I just don’t know how I’m still this way. I dated HER for 5.5 months but in those 5.5 months it felt like years...maybe that’s why I’m this way... since the beginning of March 2016 the exact night I got that Snapchat of HER, I haven’t not gone through a day without thinking about HER... at first when the break up was fresh, all I thought about was the memories we had together and the stuff we couldn’t do anymore... after that I would just have her name pop up in my head... Just weeks and weeks and weeks of pure pain from not having HER... and then... I got drunk and texted HER... the pain that was in me...I was wondering why, why when she had pain she let me go... if I had pain, I would bring her closer... there are things that I always think about, things that make me think about my future and I know it’s not with HER...yet she’s everywhere in my mind...then we became friends and from the second I saw her for the first time since the breakup I can tell... I can tell that what she had for me has left HER and her heart... people would call me a pussy asking why I was still in pain of her we broke up longer than we have been together and I shouldn’t be like this... yet I am... I don’t want this pain but how can I leave it?... I’ve been wondering why this whole time... my body started to become numb to the pain... I’ve been on dates, I’ve been watching porn, and still nothing... she had this light in HER that just brighten everything around me... she was a very optimistic person that made think that I wasn’t enough for her... that she didn’t love when she actually did... I wanted to be there for HER even though she was sick... I didn’t mind it... everything I did was to make her happy... she was independent and I was dependent on her... at the time when we were dating I felt like my friends were gone when I needed them... but when I didn’t need them they were there... I remember every little detail of us being together and I don’t expect her to remember everything... maybe I’m this way because she was my first everything and I was just excited... I don’t want this pain anymore but it won’t leave me... I had days where I said “ what if I was just gone and the pain was gone with me”... I was too scared... and I thought about my family and how they would react...I couldn’t do that to them... I could tell when the relationship was going away... I would call her and her voice had no life in it... like she was sucked out of her body and was replaced by Toby from The Office... People asked me what I saw in HER and what I saw was everything... the smile, the big poofy hair, how she talked to people, how she loved life... it intrigued me... everything that happened after the break up I just wanted to be happy and if that meant without me then so be it! Well it’s not like I had a choice, she left me... but I understood why and that made it worse cause I respected her and the decision... I wish I knew what was in her head cause every time I see her in person it seems like she blocked out our whole past... that day on my birthday of 2016 was terrible... one of the worst... I shouldn’t have done what I did... she didn’t want to feel the pain that I felt so she did as many things as she could to block it... partying, friends, and others... damn, I think if she felt this pain that I’ve been having she wouldn’t know what to do with herself... no one asked me if I was okay, no one asked me to hangout, no one did anything for me... if this happened to someone I would be there in a second... I was truly head over heals for her... and I made damn sure that I treated her how she should be treated... there was the park after being a counselor, her house for her friends b day, us holding hands while watching a movie and my mom walking and we got scared that she saw us holding hands... everything was beautiful... pure perfection at some points... now it’s present day and she lives in another state and I’m still here waiting... waiting for text or call saying “I want you” it could be just to talk, or support, literally anything... just to know that there is some part in her that shows she still see’s me as someone she loved her... I need to fucking smoke... there was a day when she was feeling sick and I was over HER place and we were watching Orange is the New Black... it was one of my favorite memories of us... we cuddled all day and I got to kiss her arms all over... I did everything I could that day to make HER feel better... then she started crying, she felt bad that she wasn’t fun anymore and that I didn’t deserve this, but I told her and strongly meant that I was with her no matter what... I will help her no matter what, day or night... I didn’t know it would be close to an end... I was in Hawaii and I thought of a great idea of a gift for her... it was this beautiful pearl necklace from a clam that I got to open and choose from... again, I don’t know why I’m still like this, in this pain and in this reminiscent state of mind... it won’t go away and think about it everyday... why do I think this?... why do I feel this?... I hope it ends... I really do... soon... I don’t know what to do with this friendship thing we have... I said I wanna take it slow and basically I’m not gonna text her unless she texts me first but let’s see how long that will last... I think my favorite memory with her is when I asked her to dance with me at her house... she put on some Elvis and we slow danced... it was fucking great...
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self.depression
|
Why am i like this? Do you think i am annoying him? I told my boyfriend over a text that I don't know why he or anyone else would ever like me. He told me that I wasn't ugly and that maybe I could get my hair done or buy new clothes to make myself feel better. I told him nothing will ever make me feel better. He said, "Idk I can't change your mind but you are not ugly at all." I was at my moms house and I used her facebook. I messaged my boyfriend with her account and I asked him if I was ugly. He said "not at all. WTF" and then he put an angry face.
Like seriously I just feel like no matter what I'm ugly as hell. I just want to cry every day because of the way that I look.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I can't take it anymore I trusted my friend with everything. I hurt her without knowing it. Now she hates me and I'm trying to get over it. I just found out I'm kicked out of my friend group that includes this person and I also found out I make them uncomfortable. I'm devestated someone could be this cruel. I have nothing to live for. I want to walk out on the street and never wake up. The constant wailing and pain is unbearable.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
wanting to die really really badly. i don't think i'm depressed honestly. and i don't want to seek help, cause it will worry my parents.
the people i loved the most, girlfriend and friends has begun leaving me. and for these past few months the suicidal thoughts started to fuck with my mind. i can be really happy with my classmates and friends, but inside my head i just want to die really fucking badly.
i have purposefully walked slowly during a red light to get a car to hit me or something, and yes i have self harmed. i cut myself with razors or burn myself. self harm helps for awhile because the physical pain numbs the emotions but nowadays even that is not helping anymore.
i tried going out with friends. true, i feel happy for AWHILE, but the moment i get home, i just want to open my apartment window and jump.
i have attempted suicide. no one knows what is happening to me, and i definitely do not want my parents to find out. i just want to die really badly. what's the point of trying to live when you're already fucked up and dead inside lol.
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self.depression
|
I was a creep to you. I am so sorry for everything. This happened about 5 years ago (when I was 14) but it's still something that lingers and greatly hate myself for it. Apologies for the length.
I had met this girl about halfway through school because we ended up sharing the same classes. She is extremely nice looking and was very funny. I liked her a lot. She was my first real female friend (I didn't have many friends in school but hung about with a big group of guys). Over the year I talked more and more with her. We did some funny things (accidentally breaking 5 test tubes in a lab) and I gave her my favourite pen once. She was extremely friendly and a fantastic person. This all took place between August and December. In January I asked for her email (I didn't have a mobile phone) and leading to a cascade of events.
I emailed her infrequently. At this point I should have just outright asked her out. However, stupid me didn't develop the brain power to do that and so told her "I love you" over email in April. I honestly don't remember what went through my head. She didn't reply for a couple of weeks (we had a three week holiday) but eventually she did. I can't remember what she wrote but it was something like "I appreciate that, thank you for letting me know". This should have been the point, again, where I could have just asked her out or just let it be.
But no, I had to continue. I told her multiple times over the rest of the year to a similar reply as before. In April I also got a PlayStation and had played with her and a couple of friends. Her birthday came around in May and I (believe it or not) got her a video game soundtrack. I know how weird that sounds but in hindsight she did tell me she would love to hear the music. I should have just sent the files by email. But to make it 'special' I chose to make a CD and drop it through her letterbox (I walked her home multiple times).
No surprise, she didn't seem to 'excited' once we saw each other in school. Anyways we carried on talking and I didn't mention it again. We still haven't spoken in person about my profession over email. At the end of the year, end of June, just before school ended for summer break, I got a mobile phone. We exchanged numbers. I hugged her before I got on the bus to go home. This was the last time I would talk to her on friendly terms in person ever again.
I texted her frequently over the next couple of weeks and eventually she asked me that we should "take a break". This was the biggest red sign that I should just leave her alone as I was on the verge of harassing her. The reason she asked me was a mixture of me annoying her and (as I came to find out about 3 months later) she started dating my closest friend at the time. However stupid, idiotic me wouldn't stop texting. After a few days I asked her if we could meet on a bridge (where we usually met after school as she walked home). I was all ready to ask her out and everything, not realising that it was much too late given everything I've done before. Interestingly enough she didn't reply and never came. I went home and had not texted or emailed her for a month. I was confused at the time and don't realise what I had done or happened.
When school started again it started off okay. I didn't approach her or anything for a week. Eventually I tried approaching her (we didn't share any classes anymore) but she didn't say anything and walked away. I (still oblivious to my friend going out with her) asked him for his help. He knew my situation because I confided in him during the summer. He advised me and told me that I should just leave her and not talk to her again. Whatever I do I should not ask her to meet me or anything.
The final mistake I do is wait for her after school outside the gate. I send her a text but she doesn't reply. She sees me and I try to approach her. She walks right past me. I go home. I send her many texts and she gets really really angry at this point saying how I was a creep and to leave her alone. I didn't text her again.
Over the next few weeks I lose most of my friends. In halls when walking between classes people would laugh at me and call me a stalker. I didn't hang about with the group anymore and the friend that I confused in was really annoyed at me. He said that I shouldn't have met her. This happens until about November/December but is eventually dropped and people start talking to me again like I'm normal. The friend says he is seeing her. I don't say anything and get really angry at him out of jealousy (because I introduced them online through PlayStation). I don't talk to him for the rest of the year. I didn't go to the senior dance for the next two years. Those two years of school were my worst.
Eventually, in the last year of school, people seemed to forget and it wasn't mentioned to me again. I didn't talk to her from that point when she ignored me.
About two months into university last year I added her on Facebook and sent her a message (I lost email and didn't want to send her a text). I messaged her telling her how sorry I was for everything I had done and wish her all the best in her arts career (she was studying art last time I heard). She replied that she is thankful and that's it's okay. About 7 months later she deleted me. I didn't message her or anything but I think the reason being was
I have no excuses for what I did. The only reason I could possibly justify for my behaviour is that I was far too immature and my emotional development had always lagged behind. However that doesn't justify anything. I wanted to apologise again to you if you ever read this. I am so so sorry for everything. If I ever saw you in person again I would apologise again but I hope that you're always happy and I'm sorry for the grief I caused.
I'm sorry for such a long text. I had a nightmare about her last night and couldn't sleep properly. I hope that this helps elevate some thoughts.
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self.offmychest
|
School sucks... I feel like my life is spiralling out of control, I don't know what to do. My parents are always fighting. My house is a shithole, nobody even cares about me. People are only friends with me out of pity. I can't describe it, not correctly. My house isn't my home, my dad isn't my father. Just... everything is there with none of the substance. Just, hollow. I can't stop thinking about what's on the other side if I do it. I have a noose in my bedroom. I keep looking at it. I don't want to go to school, I don't want to go home, I just want to be gone. I drink, I smoke, I cut, I try everything to help me end it except for ending it. I'm a coward.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Nobody except my family said Happy Birthday to me today... [deleted]
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self.depression
|
The one person that kept me going has now realized I'm trash [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone else tired of the finger pointing at mental illness when it comes to gun violence? I get it, people of sound mind who respect life don’t shoot people. At the same time, mental illness doesn’t equal school shooter. Recent events make me fear stigma even more. Am I the only one?
|
self.bipolar
|
I spent an hour putting on make up and getting cute because I was afraid of what people would think of me at school. Then I skipped school anyway because I was afraid of getting the flu. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I cant wait to not wake up. I think its humbling knowing how much I dont want to live. There are millions of people around the world dying to live and I want nothing more than to not wake up and I give zero fucks about it. I live in a country that people pour into for the chance to build a better life and I would like nothing more than to not wake up another day in this shitty place that values shitty people. I feel like I missed something fundamental in my childhood that is essential to being "happy." Something that transcends financial class or social standing. I just want to lay down for the endless sleep and be done with it all cause this game is fucked and I dont want to play it anymore. Im stuck somewhere between wanting to jump off a certain parking garage and waiting for Kim Jong Un and Trump to start WWIII. That way I dont have to die alone.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuucccccckkkkkkkkkkkkk
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Any females struggle moreso than normal during their period? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Is anyone there? I’m in a bad spot right now. I don’t have anyone to reach out to. They’re all asleep. I can’t sleep. fuck
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Asking My Shrink For Drugs? Hey, sorry if I am posting this in the wrong spot. For a few years at least I have been feeling incredibly awful. At one point a few weeks ago I had a belt around my neck and was on a chair. I really don't know if asking her for drugs to try to calm my anxiety and potential depression would be appropriate. I would not like to be marked as a drug seeker. And It would be bothersome for her and me because she is not a Psychiatrist and would have to recommend me to someone else, or have them do it.
Also on an unrelated note I haven't been able to tell her any of this because I can't physically seem to be able to form the words and my thoughts disappear in the moment.
|
self.depression
|
I´m so tired So tired. And no i´m not gonna suicide. I´m just so tired of being overweight, single, useless at work. And always fall for something i cant get or get rejected by. I´m so pathetic.......
|
self.depression
|
I want to cry blood. Hello again reddit! This is my second time posting here so bear with me!
So here.
I'm a slightly suicidal manic boy with a vivid imagination of torture and gore. In mu dreams there is always this ghost that follows me and in my dreams i would explore a world where there is no more people living.
I'm slightly clingy and a bit of an introvert. Someone took(yes, took) my virginity away at a young age of 12. I like cutting my arms because it reminds me that im still alive.
I don't believe in God himself, but i do believe that there is an omnipotent being watching over us, not just God.(I still respect him tho)
I think(yes I think because im not sure and I didn't went to a shrink to know.) that i have depression. Reoccuring depression. I always keep up a smile or a snarl, or just a haunting look. I lwant to sleep next to a person who i can be safe with. But i know that will only come when someone loves me.
I dont realize my own worth and beauty because im busy doing that to other people. I think im strange because i dont like myself and i want to hide somewhere dark with a lantern and a year worth of books. I am ugly, I have scars, I was broken from my vow of chastity, I feel worthless and inloved.
And finally, I feel like i should feel love, but instead I get the feeling of hollowness. And that i should be happy, so that no one will ever know of my current situation, the real situation.
Thats why i want to cry and cry until i cry blood
|
self.offmychest
|
Tired of all the mediocority lovers and wetblankets Slightly ranty but I am so tired of asking around for ideas and places to look for a MoFo job in NewMexico. And the only thing I get feels like sarcasm instead. I'm trying to help myself looking through indeed.com, slowly making a colabertive place (again). I still need to pay the bills though. I F'n hate this medocrity thing of: oh just work for 9.75 flipping burgers and 20 jobs just scrape by (....)
Then their's this gloopy weird LAME dark cloud. I was Trader Joes. and in a really good mood. SO Had found two appartments. One for me (for incase of drama.) and one we could share a few days at time to see if it'd actully work. Good things. I also LOVE the months Haloween and WinterFestivities. Say Happy halloween and much meriment to you and yours as a just done thing to a grocery clerk her "oh. you meen when the pilgrims gave a bunch of people plague? what's so great about that" (...) [Her friend]: 'He's just being friendly!' she snaps something about 'I don't get haloween! why bother just do November instead!'
I'm just so tired of all this gloom and doom have had enough of people here all about mediocrity. I'm tired of wetblankets, or sarcastic half baked ideas to get unstuck for when/if my project gets going. And it's just...silly? lame? to not try to have some sense of Winter Festivities. And can we please stop skipping the November part? oO
|
self.offmychest
|
Should I switch to a different psychiatrist? I've been seeing the same psyc for a bout 4-5 years or so and she's nice enough and seems competent at her job as far as I can tell but things are just kinda awkward between us. We just don't seem to click all that well. Also, I've lied to her about certain things and I almost just want to start fresh with someone new and tell the truth about everything.
Are these dumb reasons to want to try someone new? Let me know what you think.
|
self.bipolar
|
I feel so weak, I know a lot of people do. But I feel so fucking weak and I don't know how to handle it anymore. I used to see three therapists when I was younger. Then I stopped, because they thought I was doing better.
I think I just learned how to seem like I was doing better.
Now, seven years later, I can barely function. I always do my best to make others happy, but I can't take care of myself. It's like I'm always running from myself and from the reality of the world I'm living in. I keep smoking pot and drinking and trying to live my life while being fucked up.
There's a history of alcohol and drug abuse in my family. There's also a history of acting like everything's fine despite that dependence. I am no exception. Only thing that makes this worse is that I have chronic depression and anxiety, and most importantly, type one diabetes. That is not a good combo, especially once you add in ADHD and body dysmorphia.
I worry that I can't change, that I'm eternally flawed, that I'm really a sore in the eyes of the public. I was horrifically suicidal when I was 16, then I had a near death experience and changed... But now I feel like I'm right back there. The suicidal thoughts snuck back up on me. I keep thinking things that I don't want to think-- I keep picturing my own funeral-- my own body hanging from the ceiling--- and I really don't want to think about these things, but it's like my mind is taping my eyes open, clockwork orange style, forcing me to think about this stuff.
I feel like I have no control over my brain. I feel like I'm damaging my brain, my body, and my potential. I feel like I'm better off dead most of the time, but I don't want to admit it. I'm drunk right now. I have a problem, a real problem, and I don't think I'm strong enough to get past it.
I've tried to see a therapist, but sadly in todays world that is much easier said than done. I try to do a lot of stuff-- I try to eat better, to sleep better, to get exercize, to stop using (pot or alcohol), but I have such little energy to work with that I get fucking exhausted so easily. It's like all of my will power gets drained within minutes, and then all of my body's energy is drained within seconds. Most of the time I feel like a useless sack of shit. I convinced myself I'd never get to this point again, but here I am. I don't know if I'm strong enough to get out of this. I'm scared that I've done permanent damage to my brain-- mainly my short term memory.
What the fuck do I do?
|
self.offmychest
|
I feel better after kissing and having sex for the first time Yes, I hooked up with another man this weekend. It’s safe to say that I cannot share the story about my first kiss with anyone. Of course, I also can’t inform other people that I’ve slept with another man. Oh the stares and comments I’d get! No thanks, I’d much rather not.
Those two things have bothered me for a while, you see. Who’s 21 and have never kissed anyone in their entire life? The sex part was different though. Overall, it was the feeling of being unwanted. No one wanted to kiss me and no one wanted to have sex with me. It sounds a bit desperate, sure, but again, it’s not about the act but about the feeling of being unwanted. Still, I expect the feeling to return sooner or later. I’ve kissed someone, so that’s good... and I guess the sex part too, but I wasn’t as worried about that part. I was more worried about being 21 and not knowing how to kiss. I still don’t really know, but at least it’s not as frightening.
Anyway, I expect the feeling of being unwanted will return sooner or later because I still have a terrible and nonexistent social and romantic life. Let’s face it, finding a man to have sex with is about the easiest thing you could do. I could put up an ad on a certain website and I’d be having sex within the next few hours. I guess I’m lucky in that sense, that I’m able to do things like that with other men. Had I been heterosexual I would’ve been lucky to experience either of those two things. Ever. Now I’m just a few clicks away. Problem is, I don’t really want to meet random men like that. I just want a normal social and romantic life. Go out with friends every now and then... go out on a date every now and then... I’m lucky if I’m able to find someone willing to go out on a date with me. The unthinkable would’ve been to get more than one date with the same person! I do not know what I’m supposed to do, you see.
Anyway... I just wanted to get that out. I’ve kissed someone. I’ve had sex with someone. It’s made me feel better about myself, but I also don’t expect this feeling to last. However, it certainly helps to know that it’s just a few clicks away if I should ever want to repeat it again. I honestly did it because I’ve been so confused about my sexuality that I just had to know for sure. Maybe that’s what I’m happy about? The kissing part certainly helps though! Although, it was just a simple kiss and nothing fancy. I don’t know how to do anything fancy and I do not dare to even attempt such a feat. Maybe I need to hook up with another man...?
|
self.offmychest
|
Somebody messaged me they were going to kill the self?? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I have no one else to talk to about this
Lately I was feeling a lot better and happier and I knew my medication was working and I felt so much better than I had in years and it was amazing but it made me angry to see myself doing so much better. I hate myself to the very core and I fully believe I don’t deserve to feel better. It upset me to think my life was improving. So, recently I quit my meds cold turkey and withdrawal has hit me fucking hard. I feel like I have a rly bad flu and I’m crying constantly and I’ve been walking through life barely fucking concious and everyone is noticing how bad it’s getting but I can’t go back on my meds. I don’t deserve to feel that good. I don’t know what to do. The withdrawal is awful and soon I’ll be going to see my extended family and it’s going to be a mess but the thought of going back on my pills makes me sick. I hate that my family wants me to be happy. I know this is unfair to them and that I’m being selfish but ughhh I can’t let myself feel that way. Idk. This probably sounds stupid and idk why I'm even posting this. I just want to let it out I guess.
|
self.depression
|
Forced to live the life of a hermit and it is driving me insane Me: 38
Ex: 35
Oldest daughter: 13
Youngest daughter: 10
So, I totally fucked up my life.
Fourteen years ago I met a woman with a 4 month old daughter. We started dating and were together for 10 years. During that time they moved in with me and a few years into the relationship we had another daughter.
Our relationship was never good, but I was dealing with depression and social issues and this was my first real relationship, so I didn't want to give up on it. After my youngest daughter was born, I was kicked out the bedroom to sleep in the semi-finished basement. This is where I stayed sleeping for the next six years.
After trying couples counseling for over a year, I eventually decided that there was no salvaging this. Unfortunately, during the 10 years of our relationship she never worked. She was in school going for her masters, so she was unable to support herself or the kids in any way. She had absolutely no income and refused to get a job while she went to school.
So she and the girls got to live in the house I owned while I went back to live with my parents down the street. This was supposed to be only temporary until she got her Masters and could find a job. Well, she decided that if I want to have any contact with our oldest daughter (who isn't biologically mine), that she got to continue living there rent free for as long as she wants. I pay child support for both girls and I pay for the mortgage and all her living expenses.
Over the last two years, new rules for my behavior have been added.
* I'm not allowed to date
* I'm not allowed to socialize
* I'm not allowed to be anywhere outside of the house if it isn't for a reason relating to the girls
Breaking these rules results in access to my oldest daughter being revoked.
Pushing things further results in her mentally and emotionally torturing the girls to the point where she's pushed my oldest to self-harm.
Meanwhile she's gotten a job in her field. She's a social worker for DSS. So if I attempt to change any of this or report her or anything, she already has things in place with her friends in DSS to make sure I get fucked.
So yeah, I'm a bit depressed. I work from home, so aside from the days I do have my girls, I don't have any contact with anyone.
I've met with lawyers, multiple of them. In this state, I have absolutely ZERO rights as far as my oldest is concerned. She can withhold visitation any time she likes.
At this point, I've pretty much given up on fixing this or changing anything. My only hope at this point is to get through the next 8 years somewhat sane and with healthy semi-well adjusted daughters. I'm not sure that I can though.
**tldr; crazy ex, blackmailing me to be a shut-in**
|
self.depression
|
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