text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
Feeling hopeless I feel like life is just misery, anxiety, and struggle until you die. I can’t escape it. I feel so hopeless. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to kill myself but the thoughts of it have creeped in every once in awhile. I don’t know what to do.
|
self.bipolar
|
Hypomania & Lack of interest in school/assignments Alright, so. I'm in a clinical psychology doctoral program and I have been told by a psychologist that it does sound like I get hypomanic episodes. Also, it seems like this year of schooling has been the worst as far as motivation to actually do the work and pay attention in class goes. My advisor thinks it may be because the work is not challenging to me and because I see it as busywork, but I'm wondering if it could be linked to my hypomania?
I get all of my assignments done on time and do well on them, but it's like pulling teeth getting me to do them and I usually do them the night before (when I'm obviously not sleeping) or during other classes. I was going out almost every night with friends regardless of my responsibilities the next day and that seems to be a priority for me because I just want to have fun and be around people at all times. I have since started to try and limit myself going out during the week but I still somehow always find a way to put off doing actual work.
Does anyone else experience this?
Thanks
|
self.bipolar
|
bipolar & traveling & manic episodes & foreign psych ward !! Hi everyone. I wrote this about something I experienced last night/kind of what happened to me in my first psychotic manic episode or whatever you wanna call it. Did anyone else ever experience something like this?
The sun was setting in the Guatemalan Western Highlands as I used some of my precious battery life to check how far I was on the map on my phone. Nearly three hours.
Traffic had slowed to a crawl, and I felt the tell-tale ticking of my anxiety rising in my stomach.
This wasn’t the plan, my brain told me. It was supposed to still be light when you got there.
Fear began to overwhelm me even though I had been in situations like this before. I had arrived only the night earlier in Guatemala City close to midnight. It’s days like this my recent diagnosis as being bipolar began to make sense.
I thought I heard the woman with her child talking on the phone on the bus saying something about “rubia,” and fright overwhelmed me. I have become so scared of my own brain. In everything I do, I question – what symptom of bipolarity is this?
While in Croatia last summer, I was relaxed, partying, and feeling like for once, I had come out of my shell; I had become the person I was supposed to be.
That bout of mania landed me in a Croatian psych ward. When I stopped punishing myself for the sexual assault I suffered when I was four and began to allow myself to be happy, or so I thought, I had a psychotic break.
I heard people talking about me.
First, it was about how great I was, how cool, how pretty, and it was flattering. I felt on top of the world. Then, I heard the other hallucinations.
They were not so flattering.
I spent a night in a hostel crying, while nearly 10 people in the same room tried to sleep. I felt terrible, but I couldn’t stop crying. I was hysterical.
My hallucinations had made me believe I had been raped, I had herpes, I was tainted and disgusting, and that I should probably kill myself because no one loved or cared about me.
That night, I spent in my head. I didn’t sleep, except for an hour, but then I was woken up by the hostel staff and asked to leave – my reservation was only for one night. I wandered around the city and I felt like everyone was talking about me. I wanted to cry or sleep or escape, but I just didn’t have the mental capacity to do any of it.
I muttered and wandered. I felt so foggy, like there was a weight on my mind. Why were people following me? Why couldn’t I see them?
The next two days are kind of blurs in my mind, but I know I managed to leave all my belongings behind, including my glasses and my ability to see, have a delusion that I could speak every language I had ever heard a word of, and start to become aggressive.
The next clear memory I have, I was waking up in a soft, warm bed. It was dirty all around me, and I felt so groggy and tired. I was in and out of sleep the whole day, waking up occasionally to eat a meal. There was a layer of grime and shame on me that a cold shower couldn’t get off. All I wanted to do was curl up in that bed and become an invalid. The delusions were still there, but weaker.
So, when this perfectly friendly, normal Guatemalan woman was simply having a conversation with her mother, and I thought I heard words that might pertain to me, it freaked me out.
I have a mantra I internalize when I am projecting my fears onto speech around me – no one cares about you, no one is talking about you.
It sounds pretty emo.
But, when I thought, just for two minutes, this Guatemalan woman was planning a way to rob me, it’s extremely comforting.
I went home after I ended up in the psych ward because clearly I needed to meet with psychiatrists and a whole host of doctors and a lovely therapist who would try to help me and have varying levels of success.
Throughout this process, my goal was to continue to travel by myself. I saw this as a hiccup. A pretty major hiccup, but one that’s able to be overcome with a can-do attitude!
It wasn’t about or feeling like I had failed, but an urging from deep in my motherfucking soul that told me if I stayed in the relative warmth and comfort of my parents’ house now, I would never leave.
That’s probably a symptom.
|
self.bipolar
|
Attractiveness is a curse , it is a poison The fact that someone can act a certain way just baseed on how they look is disgusting . It is so unfair and one of the reasons I don't believe in god because if this is how he wanted it then. He is a fucking idiot .
If he was just, he would of made all of us of equal attractiveness
|
self.offmychest
|
Day 2 and 2018 is already bad for me My pipes have either frozen or the water shut off during the night. It's 19 degrees inside my house as well as outside. My car busted a line before Christmas. Nothing but bad luck and bad news this year and I'm sick of it. To top it all off, I have no money and no food in the house. I just need a fairy godmother or a winning lottery ticket, or SOMETHING. I'm hurting.
|
self.depression
|
What should I do about a possible relationship? I have anxiety, possibly depression (although not got diagnosed with depression) and I don't know if I want a relationship? Like I'm usually always wishing for one but now I've got a chance with someone I'm thinking why do I need an attachment when I can't even keep my own reason to live. I don't want to live or die. I can't think straight. She's cute and sweet but I'm just a lump of meat and muscle. Everyone is pushing me to go for it but nobody knows about any of my mental shit so is that something I should bring up somehow and how? Idek anymore. It's what I've always wanted but I just can't deal with it. We both know we like each other and we are both awkward when making conversation. Why can't life be easy ffs...
|
self.Anxiety
|
YSK: 23andme.com is offering up a FREE DNA Test for those who are willing to contribute to their depression and bipolar research https://www.23andme.com/depression-bipolar/
If you can apply, I highly recommend it.
>"You can participate in this study if:
>You are 18-50 years old and live in the United States.
>You have access to a desktop or laptop computer; smartphones and tablets will not work with this study.
>You have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder or bipolar disorder.
>You have been prescribed medication to treat major depressive disorder or bipolar disorder.
>You are willing to provide a saliva sample for DNA testing.
>You are willing to complete online study sessions over the course of nine months. Each study session takes between 10-30 minutes and may include surveys and a series of cognitive tests online.
>If you have been diagnosed with major depression, or bipolar disorder I, or bipolar disorder II by a medical professional and you meet the other criteria listed above, you may be eligible to participate in this study."
|
self.bipolar
|
I have zero friends now and the loneliness, isolation, and alienation is really bad. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I’ve caught feels for my fwb... and I know he doesn’t feel the same way. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
My "friend" is something else This chick I know definitely has some problems. She got divorced from her husband about 3 maybe 4 years ago. She then lived in a duplex and shared parenting time with her ex. She was always "depressed" and let her house get to almost hoarder status. Piles of trash everywhere. Hardly any pathways to walk without stepping on a toy, dirty dishes, trash, etc.
One of our mutual friends worked for the fire department so if she knew children were living in an unsafe environment she was to report it. Well she didn't report it, someone found out, and mutual friend lost her position. That is really off topic but something that annoyed me.
Well crazy chick had been bouncing from guy to guy, "oh I love him", "oh my God, he hates me", "he is perfect", blah, blah, blah. Well she starts talking to an old friend, from about 20 years ago who lives on the opposite side of the country. It is apparently "destiny" and that he is just the best man in the world. This long distance relationship began about a year and a half ago.
She had just gotten a high level position with a large company before this all had happened. About a year ago she is selling all of her stuff and getting on a plane to move to be with this guy. She left her children behind when all she had ever talked about was how they are the most important thing to her. Her dog and cats were left behind as well. She posts on Facebook all the time about how much she misses her kids and blah blah blah.
Apparently soon after she moved across the country she got pregnant. She just had the baby and is posting all about him on Facebook. I feel like she has just abandoned her children to go start her life over with a new family. I am honestly pissed at her.
Who the hell just up and leaves their kids on the other side of the country to go be with a man you haven't seen in 20 years and started talking to again only through Facebook? Why post about how much you miss your kids when you decided to sell all of your shit and leave them behind? What kind of mother can rightfully leave her children behind while she starts a new life and new family? Your kids are going to grow up hating you. Your youngest son, not including the "love of your life" new baby, is only 6 right now. You left him when he was 5. You will barely even be a memory to him. You will be this lady that calls and FaceTimes with him occasionally that says you are his mom but there is a woman who lives at home with him who helps take care of him and he will view her as mom.
You are a stupid person. I wish I could say all of these things to you but anyone who doesn't agree with your life choices doesn't know what they are talking about. You were one of my only friends for quite a while. I hate the person you have become and I hate the decisions you have made in your life. You will end up regretting leaving your kids.
|
self.offmychest
|
I enjoy reading here. Sometimes I sit here, late at night, reading posts about people who have shitty thing happen to them. Sometimes I even envy them, since it is just stuff that happens to them. I saw a post that said something like “Raise your hand if you are REALLY depressed!” And I related to that for some reason. It explained how some people would just come here after bad stuff happens to them, meanwhile people have been wanting to end it for decades. I, as many others, envy those. Right now I’ve been sitting here for 2 hours, just reading posts here, while listening to sad music. I got the idea, because the last 6 months I’ve been crying myself to sleep, and wanted to see what it’s really like to have a bad life. I’ve been cutting myself for a bit, and I’m only 13. I have a caring family and food on the table, but no friends, gf and I feel like I’m only dragging my family down, since they have been investing in therapy for me, even though they aren’t doing too good financially already. I have also been searching for a way to get my thoughts out of my head, and I don’t care if I look tomorrow and see 0 upvotes or comments, but I will rest assured that I got this out of my head. Thank you, if you have read this far, and I’m sorry I got of track, but I needed it out of my head. Thank you!
|
self.depression
|
Why do people just try to help and then forget me? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Really wish I was dead... As of tomorrow I am a college graduate... It's a big mistake and honestly my life is worse for it
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don’t find life enjoyable so why should I be forced to suffer through it? As the title says I wish someone or something would just end the pain. Been thinking about doing it myself but haven’t gathered up the courage.
Kind of f****d up that you’re forced to keep living with people telling you it gets better, when for some people it just doesn’t. It’s almost torturous.
|
self.depression
|
I want to slit my wrists, but I know I won't [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My wife is slowly wasting away from a chronic illness and watching it happen is killing me. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I'm in a very bad place right now, and I don't know what to do. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Reading articles about psychedelics for treating depression what's your guys take on such studies ? Any personal experience ? Article bellow https://www.reddit.com/r/Futurology/comments/763tz5/magic_mushrooms_reboot_brain_in_depressed_people/?st=J8PXUEYW&sh=0f03b677
|
self.bipolar
|
Anyone else feel like they don't fit in because they're not depressed enough? I know it sounds retarded. It's like having imposter syndrome, but instead of feeling guilty for not being successful like everyone else, you feel guilty for not being depressed as everyone else, and as a result, you feel like you have no right to be in this sub.
I realize it's not a competition and that I probably sound like a privileged asshole who's whining about not being sad enough, so I'm sorry if I do.
I think it's amazing that I have such mild depression, despite the fact that I'm a complete failure who is mentally inferior to everyone around me. I should definitely be feeling worse about the situation and who I am.
|
self.depression
|
Side effects suck Having a difficult time with anxiety due to a Wellbutrin reaction. Even though I know it’s chemical and my thoughts aren’t real, it’s hard. I’m working with my pdocs to make the right adjustments. I’m just struggling to figure out if I should call out of work tomorrow. I was too agitated yesterday and I’m worried I might get to impatient still. I hate not being able to trust my reactions and trying to be as proactive as I can about managing the moods. Just having a difficult bipolar day and needed to share. The struggle is real....
|
self.bipolar
|
There is no reason for me to be alive. I feel like a useless person. I'm unemployed and living off of others. I don't have prospects for that to ever change. I have never been a functional person and I don't know how to be.
Someone asked me recently what I was good at and I didn't have an answer for them.
I used to want to try but I don't anymore because I know it's a waste of energy. I'm a burden to myself and others and I'm working up the courage to stop being one.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I wake up each day in fear that I might kill myself, I don't want to, but the need grows stronger I am in so much fucking mental pain right now.
There are a couple of unavoidable facts of life that I cannot cope with, my parents eventually dying, everything coming to an end.. these are cold realities that we all need to accustom ourselves with if we are to survive in a sane state of mind, but I just can't seem to face them and live my life without thinking of it.
I know I am depressed, I am on medication, I've been to the doctor, but my heart breaks that I would some day do it, it's not that I want to, I don't, this feeling of needing to die won't live me alone.
I live in hell, my brain is working against me, not leaving me alone, compelling me to think about things I cannot change and that fill me with sorrow.
I began stashing pills, almost against my will, because I feel like I need a way out, knowing that I can swallow them one day with a bottle of vodka and just fucking end this.
I want no more pain, I want peace, just peace.
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm all alone I always feel alone, no matter how many a times my friends tell me that they are here. I feel like I am a burden to everyone around me. Everyone who told me they won't leave or that they care for me and ask me to open up to them have left at some point in time. I'm afraid to trust, but I can't take the suffering all alone. The girl I was dating recently suggested a break, because she felt that I was a burden on her and she couldn't take it as she was emotionally unstable as well. I'm torn, I don't know what to feel or do anymore. I can't focus even with my exams coming up and my grades on the line.
I tried exercising recently, but it only boost my mood for about a day, then everything comes crashing back. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of running. I'm tired of living and would have chose to left have it not been for the responsibilities towards my parent.
I need help. I'm being referred to a psychiatrist, but I'm not confident of the effectiveness. I don't know what else I can do to make things better.
|
self.depression
|
I'm not afraid of dying alone. Im afraid of living alone. Does anyone know who wrote this. It is not be word for word.
I really connect with this.
|
self.depression
|
"As the years go by, the flowers wither. As the years go by, the hearts change." [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
r/relaxingGifs, a subreddit for relaxing and calming gifs. Hi, I am a mod from *r/RelaxingGifs* here to promote the sub with the permission of your mod team. Not only do I wish to grow my sub, but I also thought the subreddit would be genuinely beneficial in helping those of you struggling with anxiety and anxiety disorders to de-stress. Check it out if you’d like.
*Warning*, I have allowed general profanity within the comment section of the sub, though this has yet to be taken advantage of by the community. Feel free to message me personally if you have any questions or concerns.
 
*Deep breaths and good vibes, u/juzkuz1.*
|
self.Anxiety
|
SELF-CARE SUNDAY MEETS SHOWER POWER Post your self-care plans and also post if you are really in need of a shower and feel like you need some encouragement
|
self.bipolar
|
Breaking up due to anxiety Has anyone broken up with their SO because of anxiety about the relationship? What were your experiences like with the breakup?
My girlfriend and I were together for 3 months. We love each other, but we broke up this week because she was feeling overwhelmed with anxiety. The anxiety partly stems from the fact that she was dumped by her ex earlier this year because of her anxiety and he said he couldn't handle it. She's also felt abandoned by her parents, so I believe she has a constant fear of being abandoned. She says she feels relieved now that we have broken up but now she's dealing with the pain of a break up. It's been painful for me as I truly love her and I want her to be happy. I don't know what's best for her and I'm not sure she does either.
|
self.Anxiety
|
What's the point of sleeping? More and more, there's a really strong urge in me to stay up as late as possible and get up as early as possible for the sole purpose (that I tell myself) or *punishing* myself physically. I do not watch TV or play games at all but spend my time reading (love fantasy).
What's the point of sleeping I'm wondering??? Am I missing something here? Why the F@*# do I need to sleep? Should I give in to that voice in my head that's telling me to not sleep?
|
self.depression
|
It’s so frustrating to not be able to explain how bad you really feel and why you feel that way [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
disgusted i see all the people celebrating, all the big lights, the fireworks, the ornaments, but none of it moves me even just a little. what is new years but just another excuse for all the sheep to get belligerent, numbing themselves from the bigger picture? "tradition"? fuck that, there's no such thing behind it. christmas and new years are a masterclass in capitalism at work. valentines, easter, halloween, etc. are all crash courses in capitalism, but new years/christmas are the phd. it makes me sick. all these sheep spending all their hard earned loot on things they think they can't live without, which really won't yield anything of substance, only one fleeting moment of feigned happiness. is it worth it? are you so miserable that retail therapy is what you turn to to feel better for one moment? all this shit is a topical anaesthetic, never getting at the meat of it. society is so doomed.
culture doesn't exist anymore. we're afraid of our history. on this relentless pursuit of creating a unified world we're negating our rich cultural heritages, which can be curated to leave out the negatives.
is sex really the *only* thing that matters in life? it seems it's everyones prime motive. make money. why? so you can attract cheap people who'll fuck you once they know you've got it? money is just another topical anaesthetic. might as well be monopoly money, because none of what it gets you has any real substance. the only reason you want it is so you can quench your insatiable thirst for fucking. anyone who claims sex isn't the core of it all just never got enough of it so lies to themselves, taking a fake moral high ground- fuck you. we're living in an era where plethoras of shit relationships abound. relationships formed not organically, but by way of swiping right on an app on our phones for fucks sake. absolutely repulsive, breading legions of hedonists who later in life will have to hide their pasts from their partners. "wholesome"? what the fuck is that... a relic of a long defunct past. there's more to relationships than sex-appeal- it's those little idiosyncrasies which make you want someone in the long run; those little quirky things which make them uniquely them, which you'll never get to know just by swiping right. and even for those who don't dabble in this e-fornication, they're doing it all wrong for the most part. a great lasting relationship will only become harder and harder to find moving forward. and even those that exist, a lot of them are founded under false pretences. people are seldom honest, thinking their lies will get them ahead, but they only land you deeper in a hole. be honest with yourselves and with others.
society today is pathetic. every single person, young or old, glued to their damn 'smart' devices which serve no purpose other than to dumb you down- perfect irony. i'm 28, but am living among hoards of technosheep instead of real humans who thrive off personal contact. it's sickening. everyone living their lives for your viewing pleasure, presenting you perfectly curated renditions of their ideal, which they'll never really have. everything is so shallow, never venturing to go beyond the surface. there might be factions of people who don't adhere to this new way of life, but fuck it, so what? it's only getting worse.
buy, buy, buy, drink, drink, drink, fuck, fuck, fuck.
i used to feel like an outsider-- an alien walking around this foreign planet--, but lately i feel like it's the other way around, like all these sheep are prancing around this perfect world and i'm seeing it for what it is.
|
self.depression
|
When Is Anxiety Serious? Can someone please define "anxiety" as it is on this sub and when it's actually serious? I want to know if my anxiety is serious enough to belong here, as in when is anxiety serious enough to be on this sub. Thanks in advance for responses.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why. I'm inflicted over the fact that I am missing the guy who had never uttered importance to me but always showed it with his actions. Maybe it's his way of words, and why does his touch always reminds me of being cherished? If all people say that it's just him, being "clingy." Why would he tell me a lot of things he is feeling. Of what exactly might occur if he didn't do this or that, the decisions he made and what he is going to do in the near future? Why would he tell me about it and I would just figure out that people don't know about it, or only a few.
Why do I keep understanding him despite his arrogance especially when he tries to keep an emotion to himself? Why do I keep seeing the good if there's so much bad this?
And why would he even do that in the first place if he first said before everything went down that I deserve better and he's not the right person.
Why did he like someone else but yearned for me?
I want to cry and shout my frustration, but is it worth it?
I miss him so much.
|
self.offmychest
|
A friend of mine has been having dark thoughts since losing his job some time ago. A friend that I've met through World of Warcraft back in 2005 has been struggling ever since losing his job a few months ago.
He was a shoe sales rep for 10 years (he's 32 now) and suddenly lost his job due to downsizing. It was a great paying job that he was good at. Now, he's in a position where he's trying to find a new sales job, but there's nothing that pays enough to make ends meet. He has been forced to live with his parents as a result and is telling me that he thinks about suicide almost every day because he feels like he has no purpose. He wants to get out sales but it's all he knows. It sounds like he has lost the drive to go back to school to learn something new, or life itself.
I'm very concerned for him. Any suggestions on what I could tell him?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Close friend is in really rough shape So I've got this friend that I talk to about everything. He knows more about me than probably any person on this earth. And he's super suicidal lately.
I called 911 on him a few days ago for what could have been a suicide attempt. He was alright but idk.
It's just scary man, like not knowing if he's gonna be there the next morning you know?
And I just got hit with this realization last night that there's literally nothing I can do. I can be supportive but aside from that, I can't say or do anything to change his mind. And I mean it's stressing me out mate.
Anyways idk why I'm saying this or what I hope to achieve by it. But yeah. Thanks guys.
|
self.depression
|
It’s not over your conjuring shit again off being sneaky... Might want to come say hi or bye leaving for Las Vages in the morning... How ya going to blame me when you won’t even show your face or have a normal convo with me?
|
self.offmychest
|
depression and social anxietys a bitch i juat started taking clonazaphem and cipralex so i feel less anxious, so i try to make plans with a few people but they all busy or dont wanna chill, and i feel like im annoying them. 😢
|
self.depression
|
I feel like I need to get this out. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I'm awful at everything I try. Why should I even bother living? [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone else also going through this? I hate people. Really Really Reeeally hate fucking neurotypicals. I’m diagnosed with MDD, which has been going on since I was a teenager. I have two modes: medicated heavily and am essentially an emotionless female Dexter. Or less medicated and am a hypersensitive rage-a-holic psycho. You don’t want to see the latter, believe me. My memory and ability to learn and apply stuff are also for shit. Which is why I’ve had so much trouble getting anywhere.
|
self.depression
|
The best words of encouragement I received I just wanted to share some words of encouragement that I received and found really comforting. Being bipolar has many challenges, especially when I was first diagnosed, it felt like my world would be over. Here are some things friends and family said to me that helped me back on my feet after I was diagnosed.
"I know you are scared. Be a success story."
"God makes no mistakes, and for whatever reason he made you this way for a reason. Youre not broken you are just different."
"Educate yourself but don't let it scare you."
"What's the big deal? Still love you"
"Don't close yourself off. I just don't want you to think you are alone. I have issues too."
"The way you are isn't wrong. You are supposed to feel the way you feel and it's a part of you."
"The world is too boring. There needs to be people like you thrown in to shake things up."
"Its okay. There is help and you have support."
"You have been through so much. This is nothing. Keep going."
"Don't let those negative things you read consume you. You can overcome it."
"If you have gotten this far to where you are without being diagnosed the rest will be a piece of cake. Meds are your friends!"
"I am proud of you for seeing someone. It takes guts."
Share your own.
|
self.bipolar
|
I’m low on Valium I took more than I should have on some days this week. I thought it would even out by not taking my as needed everyday. However I’ve been so anxious I have also been taking my as needed. Now I’m short for the week and don’t know what to do. I don’t think I can get it filled early, I have no idea if I can. Agg!
|
self.bipolar
|
To my dad, who died on Monday. Dad,
I know I always gave you attitude.
I wasn't the best daughter in the world.
I often ignored you, and disregarded your hugs.
You might of made mistakes in your life, but who doesn't?
You were only human. And I admit I hold those against your soul for the longest time.
Being the only child, I can understand why you were so protective, overbearing, and hard on me.
I didn't treat you with respect, and didn't give you much of my time.
But now you're gone, you're gone, and I'm left with this guilt.
I cry so hard, and I rage so bad. And I have no one else to blame but myself.
I'm so lost dad.
I'm so fucking lost.
I didn't expect to lose you at only 23.
But really do we even expect anything like this to happen ever?
I miss you so much, I would give up everything in the world, to just have one more day with you.
To make you smile, and hug you and kiss you, and spoil the absolute shit out of you.
To forgive you deep within my heart for all the things I use to hold against you.
And to tell you you're not the worst person I've ever met.
I wouldn't ignore you.
I took you for granted and I fucking hate myself.
WHY...
Why did you leave me?
Why.......................................
I miss you* so fucking much Dad. I wish I could tell you this right now, and hear you tell me that you loved me like you always did.
I'm so sorry...
RIP my Taurus.
You don't have to suffer no more, and you don't have to be ignored anymore.
Forgive me.
|
self.offmychest
|
I wanna lose weight and it’s so damn difficult. Throwaway account. I’m too heavy. Not the morbidly obese kind, but definitely the kind where you see that it’s not normal. I’m a male, 19 years old, 6’ and 200lbs. I’m not unattractive. When I look into the mirror I really like what I see, except that there’s too much fat.
I’ve been too heavy for a long time, years. I have tried going to a gym, but it’s not very convenient for me anymore. When I was in high school it was right there and once a week, I managed to go. Once a week, as if that was enough. It was enough to hold my 180lb, but not to lose any weight. Now I’ve gone off to uni. I never get even close to the gym. My campus is in the city centre and I live 30 minutes away from the gym, which is in the exact opposite direction. There are also no other gyms that are more convenient, since I live in a pretty quiet part of the city. I simply don’t have the time or rather the motivation to go there in my little own time. I want to go, but hey, let’s finish that episode first, or, actually more often, I really need to look at that case (which is something I’m actually doing then; I’m studying the law).
Weirdly enough, I’m not refusing to move. I have no problem with running and enjoy walking a lot. I went on a trip to Eastern Europe with my girlfriend this summer. We averaged 15km a day for three weeks and I was always the one who could’ve gone on.
The real enemy here is sugar. I can’t evade it, it’s everywhere, especially now. There’s *always* someone asking “hey, wanna habe a piece of chocolate?”, “here, have some popcorn”, “look, I’ve got haribo!” **Always**.
Now the Christmas markets have opened. Have you ever been to a German Christmas market? Lots of incredibly taste, wonderful, great, unhealthy stuff. Despite the sugar and calories, the Christmas market is the greatest place on Earth and I can actually go there without buying anything.
However, even when I’m not on the Christmas market, there’s someone throwing sugar in my face. It’s literally impossible to go away from it. We also have it at home. That’s the worst part. Once you know where it is, you are lost. You don’t want to eat any, and as long as there are some vegetables (preferably carrots), that works. The problem is when there aren’t any carrots. It’s an addiction, seriously. It’s not like “I really need some sugar right now”, but an innocent, sweet thought. Maybe the idea of some chocolate. Or a caramel toffee. Then you think, “yeah, that’d be great right now.” It’s so horribly innocent. Then you *will* think “no, it’s not good for me and I don’t need it.” You’ll try to focus on something else until you suddenly think “come on, just that one piece”. So you get up and go to get it. You may/will have second thoughts, but in the end, you will relapse.
I’m at a loss here and I really don’t know how to deal with that!
|
self.offmychest
|
Severe depression Suffering from severe depression feels like u r drowning in water and u can't get up to breathe for even one second. Anyone else feel me?
|
self.depression
|
Feeling Shame & Suicide Today I spent the entire day from sunrise, poured my heart and soul into a vital week-long job only for it to blow up in my face. That is my destruction, earnest effort snuffed out like it never mattered at all. All the physical pain, stress, and frustration mounted as a singular desire to kill myself to end the torrents of embarrassment and rage I felt at my inevitable failure. The kicker is it wasn’t totally my responsibility but it doesn’t matter, my body was crippled and torn trying to do it all for naught. I don’t want to face the world anymore.
Life is inherently cruel and twice as desolate. Don’t kid yourself otherwise
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Seeking Advice Not sure if this is the right place to ask this but it was the only place to have come to mind. I recently came across a friend’s relatively lengthy Facebook post where she talked about her depression and anxiety. What set off an alarm for me was a sentence mentioning her considering about ending her life.
We do know each other in real life, but we’re not that close. However, technically she is a junior to me from camp a few years back so I believe that I am in a position to provide advice.
Would it be too much if I advised her to get help (from like a suicide hotline or therapy) or should I just stick to listening and providing emotional support? What other ways can I show her that getting help is nothing to be afraid/ashamed of without being too straightforward?
Edit: thanks for the gold. Just wanted to add that if it weren’t for this subreddit, I would have taken much much less notice about things like this around me. Learning that so many people actually need help is not the most pleasant thing, but knowing that so many people like you guys are out there giving help makes it that much better.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I think I’m ready to die You know, this is not how I imagined my life but here I am, literally alone and without a job. I can’t leave my house because of anxiety, paranoia and other shit. I tried to kill myself before, this is nothing new… I don’t know what I am waiting for, maybe I had hope, but it is pointless now. At least I know I could have had a good life in another reality, I am smart, my beauty is average. But depression consumed my life, it won, and I have no desire to fight back. I’m tired of everything and everyone, I don’t have a purpose anymore… I look at people at my age enjoying life, having relationships even kids, having a job and I don’t know I don’t know what I want now but it feels wrong being alive. I should have died because now I’m just the ghost of the person I used to be. I have tried therapy and medication, it doesn’t help. I used to take alprazolam like mints, and the anxiety is still there. I don’t have any social skills, at least some years ago I could fake them, now I can’t even try, my speech is distorted, I can’t look people at the face and my voice is robotic. I am already dead, I know it. I can’t fix this, I thought I could but I am the problem, my birth was a huge mistake, my life has been always creepy and weird and I have always felt uncomfortable in my body… even doctors can’t tell me what I have, they have told me at least 3 or 4 different diagnosis… I don’t know what I want or need to hear at sharing this but I just needed to vent, sorry.
|
self.depression
|
How worthless was I to just ditch me after three months of an awesome relationship, just before we could be together for another guy you just met and became a couple with in a week? And how worthless could I be that you're leaving me on FUCKING "RECIEVED" when I've texted you about it?
How can I NOT hate myself?
Why made me fall in love like that?
|
self.offmychest
|
I am so embarrased So at my school we are doing this trivia thing in history class and we write questions for the other team. There is this google doc with so a ton of people on to put our questions in. And I wrote sooo many questions. Like wayyyyyyyyyyyyy more questions than everyone else and I just feel like such a loser. I shouldn't feel this way, I enjoyed doing it as I love history and I pretty much just was taking notes but writing them as questions. But I feel like everyone is going to judge me for writing so much, like why did I show how nerdy I was. Everyone is totally laughing at what a loser I am. Please just tell me its ok and no one cares.
|
self.offmychest
|
[Advice] What can I do to help my Girlfriend become comfortable again with drunk culture/people who are drinking? Hello all,
I am 21(M) and my girl friend is 19(F). She becomes very uncomfortable and anxious around people who have been drinking or are drinking. She has expressed to me that she would like to find ways to be more comfortable because it puts her in a situation where we stay home or I would have to go to a party or something like that alone and I’d prefer not to and she feels it’s holding us back. There is a party coming up for New Years at our mutual friends house that I suggested we try to go to. I would refuse to drink so I can help her and any time it becomes too much since we are close friends with the host we can slip away and I can help her relax and de stress, if at any point I can take her home if it’s too much. Baby steps I would call them. Is there a better way to approach this kind of thing? I’m new to how debilitating anxiety can be and I want to give her all the love and support but I don’t want to do something if it will make things worse?
Edit: thanks to u/MY_GF_IS_16_IM_28, I have more to add! When she started college she went to a couple of parties and hit it hard and got really sick so that also makes her anxious and does not like to drink. She thinks maybe it was what she had but I figured we would get her ok being there before we add drinking into the mix.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Experience with fluvoxamine I am wondering mostly what are your experiences with side effects
Thanks
|
self.Anxiety
|
Obsessive thoughts... How do you handle obsessive thoughts? I've been trying to distract myself with painting or coloring, I take my buspar and Seroquel PRN. Nothing seems to be working. While Im in the middle of a distraction technique, its like they randomly hit. Any where from someone disrespecting me the other day, and for my own sake I did nothing about it other than tell management... To mistakes from years ago. Its like Im finally feeling good and then the thoughts hit. Any suggestions on things you do to combat this? Mindfulness tactics or something?
Thanks in advance.
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm a piece of shit. I have become the top dog of sorts. Now in terms of size I'm small and thin. But in terms of attitude and just mentality I've become a badass. The dark part of it though is that- i feel empty. After partying so hard, fucking so many girls, and just doing whatever the fuck i wanna do- life is pretty empty. I keep trying to get my shit together and just stick with being normal for a little while but it never works. I literally cannot avoid getting into trouble. Some way or another I end up in detention, ISS. I've literally sat in detention for over 100 hours, probably 200-300... I lost track. I've smoked so much part of my mind is gone. I abstain from liquor but shit I've been drunk enough times. My body weight doesn't help that lol. In terms of moral character I'm kind and polite, courteous but now i think even thats bullshit. I'm pretty lazy. I basically dropped out of highschool. Im supposed to graduate in May but im too burned out to go. I was even put in a remedial sort of class with less students and practically no work. I got into a big argument like the second or third day back, luckily i didnt get into a fight and get suspended but. Like im tired of this shit. Im tired of fighting, im tired of being tired lol. There's a big thing in the black community about being real- about being tough, having clout, etc. Well i played the game and played myself right out of scholarships, etc. As a kid I thought I was becoming this super cool guy, but really I've become a super big loser. Now in the eyes of other people i am legendary. I mean some people even live through me. I party, get laid, smoke for free, money is easy, etc. But it's not really fulfilling. I'm only 17. I've thought about suicide an unhealthy amount of times and tried but failed over 7 times before finally giving up. I didn't really expect to be here this long so it's like FUCK. I still have to wake up everyday and live with all of the mistakes I've made. I guess that's what being a grownup is about. I'm not exactly perfect- i mean who really is? My life isn't really thaat bad. I'm the "coolest person in the world" to the majority of people who come into contact with me- but I don't really feel cool lol. I feel embarassed and ashamed of my shit. I dont want to be called cool. I dont want to be called popular. I dont have many real friends. Drugs have fucked me up and showed me an alternate reality where I don't have to do anything i don't want to, money grows on trees, and all I have to do is fight to make my problems go away. I can't focus or get anything done. When i try to i fuck things up or just end up in a shitty relationship with someone i really dont like or that ill probably leave after i fuck. I've been with some actual great girls and totally dissed them for the next fling. I'm stuck in this sort of up and down cycle. I mean on the one hand I actually don't care. I'm not emotional while typing this lol just releasing what's going on. I don't really feel any type of way about how i behave or the things I do- so theres no real motive to change. Although I act like I do i just end up doing the same shit over and over. If you know me irl you would tell me that I'm a great person and yata yata, but that's just because i'm everything that you can't be. I am perfection in the eyes of others and its destroying me. I am good looking, funny, can dress, etc. I'm a total babe. I started meditating and i'm pretty peaceful but when confronted my first instinct is to fight. Spirituality i guess is a means of escapism for me to go further into fantasy. I was hoping it would help me but really its making my life a living hell. All spirituality has done for me is show me how much darkness is in me- and theres a shit ton. The more I look into myself, the more i see how much of a huge asshole I am. But then again why should one be worried and care? My mind is full of many conflicting ideologies and principles- making me a walking contradiction. Everything is so tied up its impossible to move forward and somehow i've been able to do just that for so long. But now i dont have the strength to do so anymore.
I'm tired of being a player. I'm tired of myself basically. My ego is trying to shed but theres so fucking much of it, it doesn't even make sense anymore. I'm everything that everyone praises but it doesn't satisfy me. I don't and never have lived through the eyes of others but the ability to do so can go to anyones head. I know it's not too late for me but seriously I know things can only get worse if i keep up this way. I need a break from the world--- from myself. That's almost impossible though bc everything I do evolves around other people. I cut my phone off but i cant cut off the computer or tv. I talk about being this super awakening, spiritual person but my shit is not clean at all. I have no balance or discipline. I have neutrality but that doesn't really mean shit lol.
|
self.offmychest
|
Advice for anxiety attacks I've been experiencing up to 2 anxiety attacks a day for about the last two months. It doesn't happen every day, but it's becoming more and more frequent and I don't know how to deal with them. I've been trying to work out the reasons in my mind, and identifying what is upsetting me.
1. My job - I hate it so much, but I have bills to pay. I work in a pharmacy, and the pharmacist scares me. She's very intimidating, and I don't like how she treats me. I get guilt tripped/manipulated into going in on my days off, and can't say no to her without fear of getting the closing shift (which interferes with any family time).
2. My mental health - I know there's something wrong with me, and I know that I need help, but I don't have health insurance. I don't have the ability to get help without paying hundreds of dollars in consultations. I don't qualify for insurance through my job.
3. My family - I've been with my boyfriend for four years, and we just adopted a new kitten. I'm constantly worried he thinks I'm pathetic or overdramatic (especially during an attack), because he seems indifferent when I seek him for help/comfort. My mother is an alcoholic, and spent our Christmas holiday drunk and saying hurtful things to me unprovoked. We live in different states, but I drove 14 hours to spent a few days with her. She told me not to come back. I don't know why.
I am unsure what to do with my life at this moment. There have been times where I wish something would happen to me. I don't drink, I've never done drugs or smoked, and I don't take any medications.
Why is my brain like this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Extreme guilt is ruining me I️ have guilt that I️ can’t shake.
Long story short I️ hurt someone I️ knew for a very long time. Still, 2 years later he won’t let it go although I️ did my best to make it right both before the event and after. The guilt I️ feel is causing extreme depression and anxiety and it’s without a doubt affecting, maybe ruining, my relationship with my gf. We’ve been together for 1.5 years. I️ don’t take anti depressants or anxiety medicine. I’m all out of answers. All I️ know is my actions affected mor than him and to this day I️ don’t stop hearing it. Any help?
|
self.depression
|
I just need help So Ive lost 2 family members, and my 2 best "friends" got with the girls i like and honestly it's driving me insane.
Just like half an hour i was trying to buy a gun and looking up how to tie a noose please anyone just something to help change my mide
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I love myself Yesterday I had a good friend ask me what I thought my flaws were, because she says I don't have any. And for probably the first time in my life, I couldn't think of any. Not to say that there aren't things I don't think I could improve about myself, or that I look in the mirror everyday and think I'm perfect. Everyone has good and bad days. But I sat there for a second and I came up blank. I couldn't think of one bad or ugly thing about myself. I've been thinking about it all day. I'm happy with myself, I love myself. I have come so incredibly far from that severely insecure, depressed, self conscious and closed off girl I was when I was 16. Shit, even last year I don't think I felt this well about myself. I've blossomed this year, I've grown into a young woman who can say "I love myself" without a single doubt. I have no idea how I did it, just continued to want to be a better me. I don't feel like I'm done yet, but that's an amazing accomplishment to me.
|
self.offmychest
|
Everytime I think I have depression/anxiety beat, something random in my brain chemistry happens and i end up all the way back at square one [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
My Asian Mother might be depressed Ever since the passing of her Dad (my grandpa), she's been down and questioning herself about the meaning of life etc. It doesn't help that my Dad is the true blue Asian Chinese, "man of the house" type who doesn't necessarily care about her feelings. On top of that, her Mom (my grandma) was recently diagnosed with mysterious nodes and lumps that are suspected to be cancerous. I'm studying away from home and I'm not there with my Mom. We also know the heavy stigma most Asians have about mental sickness, so I'm honestly not sure what to do, I feel like I just have to vent.
|
self.depression
|
Doctors appointment on Friday. VERY nervous. What can I expect? I finally booked an appointment. I've been battling anxiety and depression for 11 years.
What can I expect from my first doctors appointment in Australia for these issues? I would also like to know whats wrong with me before having any medication as I'd rather battle it without meds if its possible.
I know there's something more to it than just anxiety and depression and I'm hopefully finally going to find out what it is. My money is on either Bipolar 2 or BPD. I share so many symptoms from both. My last therapist (7 ish years ago) wanted to talk about a BPD diagnosis but I never got another appointment with her because she left town.
|
self.depression
|
I feel trapped in my marriage (sorry, a bit long and scattered) Throwaway account because it makes me feel more comfortable.
Just like the title says... I feel like my wife isn't that special someone I thought a wife would be. Our relationship is lacking romance, fun, spontaneity, you name it, and we've only been married 4 months. I also think that I should have realized it would be like this long ago, because, well, it was already like this. We are both so stubborn though, and I do love and respect her, but we are more friends than lovers. If I knew that we could break things off and I could keep her as a friend then I probably would, but she doesn't operate that way, and I would never hear from her again. There are some things I love about her. She's so, so, so, smart. She has a beautifully developed sense of humor. She's realistic and cynical and reliable. She is also supporting me financially right now as I chip away through my grad program.
Because of that last point I'm constantly feeling guilty that I feel this way about our relationship. Constantly. I'm starting to lose sleep over it. To top things off, and this certainly doesn't help with the guilt aspect, but there is a lady I work with in my grad program and we've really hit it off. I really wish I could say that there are no romantic feelings there but I'd be lying. I can tell it isn't just me feeling that way too. Every day I go to school and tell myself that I'm not going to study with her or walk back to our cars together after night class, or crack jokes with her, but it always just kind of happens that way and it's killing me. I don't think that this girl understands how painful it is to have this connection with her. Every smile she gives me makes me feel alive but it also breaks my heart a little too because I know I can't have her. I can tell she's frustrated too. We see each other everyday, and it's obvious to us and the rest of or cohort what's going on, and I feel like a terrible person and a fool. And then I go home, I kiss my wife, I thank her for cooking me dinner, I get into bed with her and pretend not to think about someone else, and I do it all over again. Not to be dramatic but it feels like a little piece of me is dying every night. I'm starting to hate myself for it.
I love my wife. I really do. I also resent her for some things that have happened over the years that I'll list:
- I've lost multiple friendships because of her. She never likes my friends and always treats them poorly. Sometimes my friends just don't like her either (she's very opinionated/abrasive and isn't everyone's cup of tea). It's gotten to the point that I've resigned myself to not having my own friends unless they're "approved" by her. This doesn't seem like a good way to live a rich and fulfilling life to me. And god save any female friends I might have, which is a big problem because the field I'll be working in is 99% female...
- She won't admit it but she hates most of my family and it breaks my heart. There's no real reason for this but she seems to pick fights with my mom and brother and some other extended family. I've taken to avoiding my own family because of this.
- She is the messiest person I've ever known. She's improved over the years but it's still pretty bad. I am in no way an old-fashioned "demand that you clean the house and fix me dinner, woman" kind of husband, at all, especially since she is currently supporting me, but I honestly don't want to raise future kids in such a messy environment.
- She hates my music taste and doesn't like movies. She always falls asleep for them even though she has an opinion about which one we watch. I love listening to new music and watching a movie with a critical eye. It's a small thing but it has worn on me over the years.
- For all of her positives as a person, and I want to stress that she is a GOOD person, she isn't a sweet person. She isn't heartless, but like I said before she is extremely abrasive. Kind of cold. She just isn't warm to new people at all. It makes it really hard to meet new people and retain friends we both enjoy.
Overall I'm just really scared of my future with her. I think we will make a good partnership and be a really good team when it comes to finances, raising kids, etc. But do I really want to live the rest of my life with someone without the romance aspect? I feel like I'm losing control of my own life and I don't know what to do.
I know this is really long and I really don't know what brought me here, but thanks for reading. I think there is free counseling at school that I should probably look into. But it feels good to just emotionally vomit on a page like this. Thanks.
|
self.offmychest
|
I wish he knew how I felt right now I'll summarize as best as I can. Im in a long term relationship, going on 8 years now. We've had problems the last 3 and a half years but I stuck it out, resolving that most of our problems were my fault because I'm "crazy" or "emotional" as he'd say. This past year has been absolute shit. Tons of fighting, really hurtful shit being thrown back at me, not acknowledging my bday or our anniversary....quite a bit of things to make me resent him. Anyways, I thought I was totally done and had it in my head that after the holidays I'd call it quits. Months ago, in Oct, someone from my distant past just walked right into my life. Seemingly on que. I vented how crappy my life was, he said his wasn't much better. Soon, we became intensely interested in each other. It was fast. It was whirlwind. It made me feel amazing. Like the most beautiful woman in the world. After a month of this, my conscience pestered me into breaking up with my bf way before I was ready. This ended up causing me to let him convince me we needed to work it out somehow. I had to cut things off with the other guy.....and it felt like the right thing to do.....but......i still think of him and wonder what could have been every damn day. I'm trying....to work on my relationship....but part of me knows I'm only doing that for the bfs sake, not my own. But, the other part is skeptical that a guy like the one from past is really real....he was so understanding, so damn patient with me, and always had the best answers when I was confused or worried. He promised he'd take care of me....yold me I'd never have to worry about anything...and I love my career and don't wanna be at home don't get me wrong, but....gosh, I've always wanted a man to tell me that shit and mean it. I think he did. I know I hurt him. I hurt both of em. My bf doesn't know I almost left with another man. I'm a mess and I'm trying to get through it bit yeah....i just wish I could call him and tell him I miss him and wish that one day it'll work out and we'll be together. Just like we both thought fate was lining us up for. That wasn't summarized.....lol. Am I just romanticizing lust? Is that other guy too good to be true? Am I just a heartless asshole?
|
self.offmychest
|
Falling out with a friend who has depression. I have a newish friend who I met a few months ago. We have became very close but last week we had a falling out over the way shes been acting. What actually happened I’d prefer to leave out because it doesn't effect my overall question.
Her actions over the past month have been very selfish, dishonest and hurtful to me. She seems upset and understand that what she did was wrong but she says that what happened was because of her depression.
Having similar issues myself I hate to judge her because of her problems if its something that she can't help but at the same time I really don't want to stay friends with someone whose going to continue to treat me that way. I just don't know what I should do?
|
self.depression
|
How much of this should I take responsibility for? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Constant symptoms of anxiety? I've been having constant feelings of numbness and tingling around my body for about 2 months after a panic attack. My hands can't feel to the touch of things and my legs sometimes feel like they're buzzing when I rub them against eachother. It's been making me really anxious I don't know if it's anxiety. My arms also feel really tense and hard to lift up. Is it just anxiety??
|
self.Anxiety
|
What are your experiences with Adderall? For those who have taken it. Did you take it in combination with any other drugs? Take it daily? Did it induce mania and would you crash very hard when stopping?
|
self.bipolar
|
Every week I make a new plan to kill myself. But something stops me every time. I used to get angry at myself because something got in the way, but now I just see it as a battle I’ve overcome. Maybe it means I’m not serious about it, it’s just my mind playing tricks on me.
|
self.depression
|
I broke my own rule and disclosed my illness to my boss today. We've been working together for 6 months and I made it through a depressive episode without telling him. I wasn't gonna. And then today I decided "why not?" He was talking about taking medication for ADHD and about how he thinks it messes with his perception and makes him think other people are upset with him when they aren't, and how he sees that in me and we were talking about how to manage it.
I feel good. I feel safe. I feel like I did the right thing.
|
self.bipolar
|
I just want to end it No matter what i do, no matter how hard i try. There is a constznt battle between the bad and the ugly in my head and i can't seem to get it out. If there's any good it's quickly taken over by the others andi just can't keep living like this any more
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Why do you have to go to school to get a good job????? [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
They won’t stop fighting Why do my parents keep on fighting. It’s been like this ever since I was a little girl. It gets worse by every argument or fight. I would always cry when I was little, but now I don’t really mind it. One time I stepped into an argument/fight, that was a bad idea. My dad was yelling at me full force continually and at one point I had a panic attack and couldn’t breathe. We were awake till 3am and he kept on yelling even though I couldn’t breathe. Now I just sit in my room listening to what they’re saying. I keep on hearing them say disgusting thing about each other and I’m sick of it. I especially hate when they drag me into it.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm not honest with my therapist or my psychiatrist about how bad things are. How do I fix this? I have always been a people-pleaser. I feel like I'm letting my therapist/psych. down when I don't report back that I'm improving.
Also, I feel like absolute shit sometimes but I seem to "forget" those feelings when I'm out and about, in other words, when I've actually showered and left my house and I'm at the appointment. So I *seem* ok.
Also, I feel like I'll be "caught in a lie" if I go to my psych and tell her, hey, so all the last year or so when I took those stupid depression quizzes and my stupid score was improving, it was all a lie. I want to die sometimes but I don't want to seem like a loser in front of the psychiatrist who seems so happy that I'm so much "better" than I was.
Can anyone relate?
|
self.depression
|
Sometimes I try to tell myself that I don’t actually want love because I don’t think it’s meant for me [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I have no clue what to do anymore I'm officially giving up on chasing the girl who friendzoned me and will go on and be super successful only to go back and date her daughter who hopefully might be hotter than her
|
self.offmychest
|
I was supposed to take care of my mother when she was sick. I didn't do a good job, and now she's dead. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I’m losing the girl I’ve been with for 7 years and it’s because of my drug use, really bummed [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Yay I CANT SAY ANYTHING HERE ANYMORE! MY PARENTS ARE BEING A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES AND GOT "PARENT MODE" ON MY PHONE, WHICH BASICALLY MEANS THEY CAN SEE WHAT IM DOING 24/7, THAT MEANS I CANT USE MY BEST FUCKING COPPING SKILLS WHICH IS POSTING STUFF HERE!
I GUESS I HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL MY FRUSTRATIONS UNTIL I EXPLODE OR FUCKING DIE.... SO YEAH, THX A LOT!
|
self.depression
|
Commercial made me laugh I was driving along and a commercial came on for a “life-changing pillow”. Trying to impress how important sleep is, the narrator said “No matter what, you are guaranteed to sleep 365 nights this year”.
Heh. Not by a long shot buddy.
|
self.bipolar
|
First job Hey! I'm not very good at interacting with strangers and I don't like touching people, so I got an apprenticeship as a hairdresser. I know I'll settle in eventually, and I'll get better, but Im not sure if I'm gonna let myself get to that point. I don't want to give up, but the thought of going on scares me. I spent most of my first day making tea and coffee, and sweeping up; but then at the end of the day they started teaching me how to prepare clients for the stylist, and I did ok, I was just really awkward, and I don't know how to get past that.
People keep telling me to just be confident, but I don't know how, what does that even mean?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I want to kill myself but I don't have the courage to do it [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I suck at knowing how to make people feel better [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Thoughts are coming back My suicidal thoughts are coming back and I don't know what to do. For now I feel safe, but I can't say that for the future. I'm on medication, and I have a therapist. I've only been seeing her for a couple weeks though, and I'm not really ready to talk about this with her. I just don't know what to do because I don't wanna hurt my family and the people around me, but I can't keep going through this. I don't know if I should even tell anyone and if so, who? I have no one I feel like I can talk to. Don't suggest my parents cause that's no an option for me. I know I don't REALLY want to die, but I can't keep living like this either. It's been years. Yeah I have periods where I'm less depressed, but I'm never happy. I just don't know how to make these thoughts go away.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
So depressed lately and my meds aren’t working. I’m battling with bipolar disorder type 1, but I feel like I’m usually always more depressed than manic, so hopefully this belongs in this sub Reddit. Long post ahead (sorry!)
Anyway, I’ve been so depressed lately. My meds aren’t helping me anymore. A while ago I wanted to get pregnant again and stopped Lamictal. Well we lost it in January, so I wanted to get back on Lamictal because I’m not going to be trying again anytime soon, if ever again (I don’t think I can mentally handle two children at this point anyway). Anyway, so I’ve been titrating back up to a good dose of Lamictal. It’s been slow going and not helping me at all.
I’m so depressed and stressed out about work. I do the job at the best of my ability (I’m a vet assistant if that matters to you) and do pretty much what the other assistants do, but my manager took me aside last month and had a “pre-review” talk with me about my performance and said I need to improve and anticipate the doctor’s needs better. It was a vague discussion with no specific examples but that’s basically what I gathered. She also said I need to stay busier during slow times which can be hard because some days we have 2-4 hour gaps due to cancelations and general “that time of the year syndrome”. I try my best to stock supplies and clean as much as I can, meanwhile other girls sit around on their phones (and don’t even hide it when my boss walks by) but I’ve talked to my close friend at work, and she said my boss has never talked to her. She even took me off assisting during surgeries now because I accidentally ran the wrong blood panel one morning and the doctor called me out. I’ve never had formal training, and it was an honest mistake. Not one I’ll ever make again! But it’s not fair. My friend says she’s done the same thing and she’s still on surgery every week. So now, I dread going to work and I get so much anxiety about my performance. I don’t understand why I’m being picked on. Am I really THAT bad?
I’m also depressed about my son sometimes. He has a learning disorder where he can’t talk like other kids his age. He’s 4 next week, doesn’t speak in full sentences, and I don’t think comprehends what we talk to him about. Like, he won’t respond yes or no when I ask him a question. Stuff like that. He’s in a special school right now that works with children with learning disorders and he does well! He’s a smart kid with puzzles and things like that. I love him to death. It’s just hard when I have to explain his disability to other parents and have no one to relate to.
I’ve been having suicidal thoughts lately, granted, they are fleeting thoughts, but they’re there. I haven’t cut in over a year, so I’m proud of that. My therapist was concerned when I mentioned the suicidal thing. But I could never do that to my husband and son, so I’m very grateful that they’re in my life or I probably would have already done it by now.
I don’t have a lot of friends to talk to about this kind of stuff so I’m hoping I can just get some support and love from this group.
|
self.depression
|
Assuming the worst and reading too much into things, anyone? I have a pattern that sometimes ruins my interactions. So I always seem to assume the worst case scenarios in social settings. If someone didn't reply or replied late or any other small detail. I always assume I did something wrong and I start to look back at my actions and analyze every small thing to see what I did wrong. The problem is sometimes I just detach or become detached with the other based on my assumptions. Like I act on my own assumptions and they somehow become real because I start to act in a certain way.
I want to know if I am the only one experiencing this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Everything, including concern from friends, feels superficial. This is a last ditch effort. But even posting here feels superficial. As if I am just asking for attention. I feel like ending it would be the perfect solution. It makes more sense.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Your experience with antidepressants I’ve struggled with anxiety since being a teenager but 2/3 weeks ago it started to affect my sleep. It takes me almost 3 hours to fall asleep and when I wake up, I’ve got massive headaches and still feel tired no matter how long I sleep for. My muscles hurt a lot more too, from being tense.
The next day, I am much more anxious and on edge from the lack of sleep and it’s really impacting my studies and everyday life.
My doctor has suggested anti depressants before but I’ve always been reluctant.
This may sound silly but my biggest concern is the weight gain that some people experience when going on anti depressants.
What are your thoughts, have anti depressants worked for you? Or are the sleeping pills that can help with falling asleep?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Ex getting married So I wanted some ornaments back but I am unsure if he has them. I’m 90% sure I left them there but no proof. I was curious and looked at his facebook.
Anyway, he had a new picture up. He also has his status as engaged.
This is a bit frustrating. I googled his name. He applied for a marriage license in November. Wedding for September 2018.
She doesn’t look familiar but I know his friends and I didn’t get along. She’s self-employed and it appears to be a corset midlevel marketing thing. He didn’t get along with my friends. We dated for around five or six years.
He never wanted to get engaged again. 2 divorces before the age of 24. We did talk about it last year but I wasn’t thrilled with him. We broke up in June.
I was extremely depressed while dating him. Excessive weight gain. Many of friends never even knew I was seeing him. He was an ass. Trump supporter. Didn’t brush his teeth. We stayed together so long due to the animals. I loved the cats and donkeys more than him.
He also was annoying since he couldn’t do stuff. He sat at home. I want to go kayaking. To go swimming. Go camping. Things he cannot do due to a bad back. He gained a lot of work. Didn’t shower enough. Didn’t brush his teeth (plus he chewed). There’s an issue when you watch netflix and say there’s nothing on.
Anyway, a bit sad since I think he cheated on me. I can’t prove it. I’m happy he’s engaged. Hopefully he’ll get divorced again after she has a kid and he owes alimony + child support.
|
self.offmychest
|
Am I suicidal if I want to die and how much am I at risk? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I just wish I had people who wanted to hangout with me. One of these days I’m gonna kill myself because I’m alone. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
How To Tell SO That I'm Having a Hypomanic Episode? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Work Anxiety this morning I have a meeting with my boss and HR today to review a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) and I’m very anxious about it.
I keep trying to adjust my perspective in order to change my reaction. To do this I keep saying to myself that I get to start over and begin growing as a professional today, and that I should be excited.
But I’m scared...
Normally, a PIP is the last ditch effort by my company before they fire you. My anxiety is just beneath the surface. My wife said I was crying in my sleep this morning (which is new).
|
self.Anxiety
|
Gonna be just another statistic in the "suicidality in autism" articles me thinks British 19 year old male turning 20 in a month and a bit.
My depression and thus my suicide thoughts started when i was 15 but the suicide related thoughts (they started with a fascination with suicide and evolved from there as i saw my life as tiring to live) were there from a semi young age but my memories are to vague for a clear starting age. Self harm to feel pain came into play in the suicidal thoughts but the urges were not as strong as the ones want to commit suicide were and were easier to suppress or somewhat ignore them at least.
There are some days i imagine myself with the sort of life i have always wanted but never attained due to numerous factors. This is usually achieved through books (power fantasy books mostly) but other times i can't at all and seeing as my keeping myself occupied is my way of dealing with my depression and the strange as heck suicidal thoughts that pop up fairly often...
Mind you i am also a diagnosed aspie/high functioning autistic person with no special talent which is a pain as i have a special interest but i can't do anything with it. Heck i can't even talk about it off the top of my head for 30 seconds! I have the ambition but not the drive or the motivation to chase it and i am just lazy no matter what i do :(
Oh and my suicidal plans are always impulsively put together or only generally thought about and imagined in my head. Like recently i went out to a group meet up and a wave of depression and suicidal thoughts hit me as i sat alone and i thought about running away after the meet up as it was in a newish area to me.
I think i thought i wouldn't be found that quickly and thus could commit the act at night. I mostly got out of that funk temporarily but it returned with a vengeance when i got home and thus the plan to kill myself before my birthday or on my birthday was born.
Though again i managed to wrestle myself from that shit by replacing me sitting down stuck in my head in my bedroom with imagining the tattoo i have been wanting and i thought about getting it done for my birthday and that helped so yea life is a struggle especially when i feel worthless living on the money i get for not being able to work due to my condition... Time to yourself is great but boredom is common and it can really lets the invading thoughts in like right now and like yesterday, the day before that and the day before that... I get those rare days of neutral feelings with the depression in the background but recently those have gotten much rarer :P
Oh and the weird suicidal thoughts are where i seem to plan a suicide plan in my head but never think i will act it out so yea...This usually is then applied to a certain thing coming up in my life such as in the "happier" times i have been thinking of going back to colllege after dropping out 2 times near the end of the academic year 2 serperate colleges. So anyway the plan is to try doing this course i have always wanted to do but i didn't feel ready to not that i feel thaty great now but whatever. So i am guessing the straw that breaks the camels back and leads to me killing myself would be me having a severe mental breakdown again and failing college again or being rejected (doubt it will happen as it ain't a university but my track record is kind of me bunking college for months when its to much as i seem to love to avoid stuff good job me what a great decision TWICE no less). Why do you work like this brain?
Anyways back on topic i have always loved researching and studying crimonology and subjects related to it but it seems to me that the stuff i do related to it like the public services course never works out, same with the animal care course i took which i seemed to just not feel suited me though i love animals. Nothing ever suits me man, i love uniformed services but i can;t join due to my eyesight and shit like that, i like writing books but don;t have the attention span to even write 500 words in a few hours without burning out after a few days despite having many ideas i just can't get them down.
Man i hate my brain even more when this happens. I also love reading but i have to be in the right mood and my mood just swings around the place lately so boredom comes due to inactiveness and this negativity joins me in the march to the void for a good bit of time before i escape briefly. I also hate the mood swings i keep having, they unnerve me and make me avoid talking more than ever... Sometimes i think i am probably just making a molehill out of the few problems i have, maybe even with a touch of adding a few new minor ones on to the list for good measure but they are real enough to me god dammit!
Also i seem to have develped borderline weird complusive habits (i don't have OCD though thankfully) for no apparent reason like in my bedroom i gotta have the door closed correctly (right noise, no gap?) curtains closed correctly (right position in the corners idk man) laptop power supply in its spot( it has a certain spot it must stay in and not move around) laptop plug cable in a certain spot (seriously me?) i think it might be anxiety based or something and i don't "need" to do it like people with OCD do but i feel i guess sort of uncomfortable if i don;t do when i feel the need to so meh, I feel like i waste a lot of time doing silly things like this though :P
TLDR: Life is not enjoyable and it has hardly ever been and it has never been enjoyable for very long and i am tired of life despite the stuff i did to change my life. I seem to have scarily embraced suicide and it scares my rational self and sometimes i feel like i am losing it but that might just be an exaggeration made up by my weird mind i am not sure really... Strange that as bending truth is quite easy for a person with a writer's mind and a way with words... I do actively try not to though!
Anyways the beginning few paragraphs of that long ass passage of paragraphs were written yesterday and this is an update on my situation with my suicidal thoughts which i personally think are getting worse and somewhat i really do feel like just giving into the urges sometimes.
Anyways here goes: Lately my suicidal thoughts have returned stronger than ever. The things i am doing to fight my depression seem to just delay its emergence until it can't be blocked anymore... I have been exercising regularly with even some weight lifting and using the gym bike i own, doing a weekly social activity with my best friend, eating better (i ain't fat but i ain't a fit slim person either).
Got some proper biceps now but my head/mind is still fighting itself :P I have a dog and having her be there helps but it only keeps me from falling into committing suicide, nothing more substantial though... Anyways i have also lost the feeling of pleasure in an activity i have enjoyed for years, it will return if i steadily help it along but right now the boredom has resulted in my mind going back to the dark recesses deep in my brain and its not nice (quite the understatement there eh? lol).
I am tired of life and having to kick myself so often just to get on with my daily routine in life. I went to the doctor and got prescribed anti depressants but i really don't care anymore so i won't take them (and besides the rational side of me is kind of terrified of the potential side effects along with the withdrawal that await me as well as the general control i want to have of all of my body and they affect that). My pet dog is great but its only a bandage falling off of an open fatal wound and no treatment i had the willpower to do have helped heal this wound of mine so yea...
I had the option of going to a therapist but its expired now and i didn't go because it is too much work (there were other factors but that is the main one) and my brain seems to have embraced suicide as the be-all and end-all ha. In my opinion its inevitable that suicide is the way i will go guys seriously! The question is will i find something worth living a bit longer for before i complete this final act of mine? I feel like it will be in the near future the way my mindset has been recently so yea it is what it is :P Gonna add to this one way or another most likely me thinks: http://network.autism.org.uk/good-practice/evidence-base/suicidality-autism-risk-and-prevention
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My husband is amazing Seriously, y'all. I tried to put on a happy mask but I think he saw through it. I get withdrawn and quiet in depressive states, which I'm cycling through now. My limbs get too heavy, I don't want to do anything, and am in general the saddest person to be around.
He picked up on my mood. Today, in four hours, he called four times to make sure I was okay, and told me to relax and watch mindhunter before I got dressed or do my quilt cutting or whatever, dishes and laundry and phone calls can wait. I seriously adore this man, he is my best friend for sure. He's going to score us some more weed, too, so that'll help. I don't know what I'd do without him.
Man, now I have to deliver on epic seats for star wars, which coincidentally releases on his b-day.
|
self.bipolar
|
My Family Thinsk I'm Crazy My family thinks I'm crazy because of my anxiety. Every now and then, I'll have mental breakdowns and start screaming crying for no reason. This morning my mom was driving me to school and I just started crying and laying on my side while covering my face. She kept calling me "insane" and that "you need medication." And she was screaming at me, too. I was never diagnosed with anxiety but I know I have it. I think it's severe. I always think about "what if I kill myself to avoid all of my stress?" Then I realize how insane I sound. I know I have anxiety, and probably other mental illnesses because there's so many things wrong with me. I want to go to the hospital or doctor to be diagnosed, but I was never taken in, even though I keep begging my mom. I feel embarrassed that I had such a huge breakdown today, and my sister knows now, too. I need help. I don't know what to do.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Falling into a very deep hole So after almost 3 months the fight is over, my ex and me broke up. Actually a while ago, but from time to time I texted her and yeah, pointless talk more or less.
So now I'm in this fucked up situation. Alone, feeling really empty. Dreading loneliness. I have friends, a lot of them and they're always there for me. So in fact I'm not alone at all. But I cannot for the life of me escape that feeling. What can I do to get out if it? I mean, there are days where it's not so bad, then there are days like today where I feel like I have to text her and try something which I'm not sure of what it actually is that I'm trying. And to be completely honest, it's the same as with all the other break ups I had, it's more or less the feeling of loneliness, not necesserily the person itself. Is that shady? Is it normal, as soon as someone shows me affection I feel fine and when it stops I feel like shit? Am I just a huge narcisist?
I just want out of this misery and feel good again. Plus, I have this really fucked up feeling she is seeing someone new already. And it somehow kills me, very slowly.
This is so fucked up
|
self.depression
|
I got out of bed today. [Long] maybe triggering not sure? I spent two weeks in bed. I only got up long enough to use the restroom or microwave another frozen dinner. I kept telling myself it wasn't depression. I played Fallout 4 until my eyes burned every night. 12 or more hours a day of that game for 14 days. I told myself it wasn't depression. I told myself, how can it be depression when you are with your pal Dogmeat, adventuring The Commonwealth. I'd roll over long enough to see my wife messaging her friends on her phone. I'd tell her I loved her, she would tell me she loved me too. I told myself it wasn't depression, she loves me back... I know she meant it, but why did I feel so alone? Why did I feel like the walls were closing in around me when my face wasn't pointed at my computer screen? By day 4 the trash piled around me was at an embarrassing level. I told myself it wasn't depression, but I didn't deserve to lay without my filth enveloping me. On day 6 I couldn't differentiate the smells from my unwashed body/hair or the food rotting 10 inches from my face. My wife must be in a slump too at this point, or completely wrapped in her own world. Sending cute emojis to her friends, smiling at the screen. Paranoia was setting in. I told myself it wasn't depression...but are they talking about me on her phone? Are they making fun of me? The middle of our king sized bed is now littered with trash and spilled Skittles that I can't force myself to clean up. It's building a wall between myself and my wife. I told myself it wasn't depression, but maybe it's best if trash and food is between us. She won't feel obligated to reach over and stroke my face before falling asleep... I don't want to be a burden and make her feel like she has to, this way there is an excuse. Day 8 sits heavy, it sinks me further. I discover Vault 95 in Fallout 4. I literally cry for people that never existed. I told myself it isn't depression, but why do I let an experiment on recovering drug addicts pick at my own past drug use? Why does reading one man's journal entry about being clean for 5 years, wanting to continue to be clean but ultimately giving up and delving into the chaos and murder of the vault after scientists dumped drugs into their laps? I shouldn't so easily relate to this, but something deep down hurts. During the next few days I would think back to Vault 95, I feel like I died there with them. On day 9 I meet Deacon in Fallout 4. I want to be him. Constantly joking, even in the middle of a gun fight he has quips that make me smile. I can change companions in the game, but he's with me until day 14. I start thinking of him as my best friend. I told myself it's not depression, but Deacon is my only friend, my best friend. We can't have actual conversations...but suddenly, even though I'm alone, I'm not by myself. I often turn to tell my wife of my adventures, but stop myself. Its like a scratching on my frontal lobe. Dont bother her, dont bother her. She doesnt care. Shes busy. Its around this day I realize I can't remember the last time I took my medicines. Days? Weeks? No wonder I keep sinking lower. I force pills down my throat. I told myself it's not depression, but I hope no one realizes how long it's been and gets mad at me...or what if they are already upset and get angrier? They are prrobably already mad. What day is it? I've ate all my microwaveable food. I neglected grocery shopping for two weeks. I'm down to boxed tuna salad lunches and cans of beanee weenees. At this point I can't even get up for clean forks. I use the same bean crusted fork for the next 3 days. I told myself it's not depression, but I dont deserve warm meals. I'll live off candy and two 8 oz cans of beans a day. Wash it down with a six pack of soda. My skin is greasy from the garbage, lack of bathing and awful diet. I told myself its not depression, but i deserve a breakout. I should be uglier on the outside to match my insides. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Day whenever, I've stopped caring about keeping up with it. My wife and I are officially on different sleeping schedules and I miss her, but does she miss me? I can't sleep at night, and when I do finally fall asleep at 9 in the morning she's waking up. When I wake up at midnight or later she's falling asleep. She tells me she tried waking me up. I guess sleep was more calming and definite than the worry of being awake. I told myself it's not depression. But I tell her I love her while she's sleeping, does she do the same? I hope she doesn't feel like she has to if she does. Is she complaining about me to her friends? Is she falling out of love with me? I know she isn't, but what if she is? I told myself it's not depression, but... I wish I could talk to Deacon about this. I wish he was more than pre recorded phrases and code.
Day 14. Today. I'm tucked away in my coffin of soda cans, the coffin lining: candy wrappers. Deacon is my pal but he's driving the nails in the lid, securing my place with each new game save. I don't want to die, please don't think that, but what makes me me has decayed. I've built my own private graveyard, littered with the putrified bodies of half eaten burritos and molded potato chips. Crumpled beanee weenee cans lined like tombstones. I dug my own grave. I let my loneliness and paranoia in, and it thrives in my mind, like bacteria in a perfect environment. I told myself it wasn't depression, but I had beat Fallout 4 and I just stared at the title screen waiting for Deacon to sit down beside me and chat. I stared at the screen, how long did I stare? I know I didn't sleep that night, or morning. But I guess salvation can come as quickly as the nuclear apocalypse in Fallout, because in an instant my wife's hand peered through the digital fog I had built around myself like armor. She pulled me out, picked me up. Took me out of the house. At first it was awful. I didn't want to budge. My knees were sore from lack of movement. My muscles burned. 27 suddenly felt like 100. But we went to town, we bought groceries, she made me smile. I admit I was grouchy on and off, my mind is readjusting back to its usual-ish self. I felt like crying at random times. But I actually tried. My side of the room is still covered in my trash and defeat...But she's helping me, she's always helping me. She tells me goodnight and i love you as i sleep, she reaches over to touch my cheek, but i am too deep to have felt it. She brags and boasts about me in messages to her friends. Even when my blind depression and paranoia twists reality, makes me think she isn't there, she is. I realize it was depression. I got out of bed today, and I'm getting out tomorrow too.
|
self.depression
|
too old to have not dated, no point. This is possibly idiotic but I do not want to live anymore because I have not dated. I am in my late 20's and most people this age are married, getting engaged, etc. I am stuck a stage behind these peers, it is a sinking feeling. I have a challenging time relating with people, and have never had a boyfriend (which is quite bizarre at my age, I'm aware). I am a shy person and do not know if I will ever find a friend in this, much less a partner and am over all of this. What is the point of going on? I do not relate to other people, I will always be the weirdo and odd one out. There is not a point to living if you have no one to enjoy life with.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
It won't stop. I just want it to. I'm 3 feet away from a window that is easily big enough for me to get through without a problem, and it's a 4th story window.
I have been constantly harassed for the passed 3 months. Only it's anonymous texts and police won't do anything about it, and keep giving me the stupidest excuses when I've done all the work for them.
It's driving me nuts (actually this is a very accurate statement) and I changed my number. It's someone in my study abroad group. And no one will do anything.
Why shouldn't I jump. It'll all be over and then maybe they'd care to find out who this is.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'd rather spend my birthday alone than with my wife. I haven't the slightest idea where to begin, so I apologize for the stream of consciousness and any formatting errors.
My wife(26) and I(29 today) got married this past January, after dating for 8 months. Please, I've already gone over every "you should've waited" and "that's too soon, you barely know each other" comment within my own head for months, I'm positive I'll snap if I hear it from someone else.
I felt pressured into it. Wow, that sounds so ridiculous out loud, but it's the only way I can answer "well why'd you do it?" I loved her for who I thought she was. Hard working, driven, adventurous, open minded, mature.. everything I could've asked for in a partner. But, as everyone but me would've guessed, nothing is as it seems in the beginning. For months, she was constantly asking me when we were getting married and after feeling forced into a corner, I thought to myself "I love her, I'm getting older, why not?"
Now here we are, 11 months into marriage, and I'm in a whole other world of shit that I had no idea I was getting into. She is not who I fell in love with. Just a few examples:
•I have never wanted children. She knows this. She knows this has not changed, yet every time a baby commercial comes on (or she sees a picture of her friends' babies, or she sees a cute baby video online, etc.) she insists on cooing "Awww! Doesn't that make you want one??" And every time, the answer is no. This routine is becoming tiresome.
•I love traveling, road trips, camping, exploring new places. When we first got together, my wife claimed she enjoyed those things as well. Now, however, road trips are a nuisance, her "anxiety" can't handle driving on the interstate, she can't stay awake for a *four hour* car ride, camping in tents is for poor people, she will only stay in a cabin, when we retire we will get an RV (that I will have to drive by myself) to travel.
•I've always had a variety of pets and I love animals, especially big dogs like Newfoundlands and Bernese Mountain Dogs. She has never had a pet, is scared of most animals, and refuses to let me get a dog bigger than a Pomeranian. We compromised on a cat. I said age didn't matter (I know older animals have a harder time getting adopted and wanted to give a loving home to one), but she insisted on a kitten so we could "raise it right." After two nights of having the kitten, she is so distraught over the fact that the kitten "won't let her sleep" that she asks me to sleep in the living room with it, temporarily, since the late night playtime doesn't wake me up. That was two months ago.
Honestly, I've grown to enjoy sleeping in the living room. I like waking up with a kitty on my chest. And watching whatever I want before I go sleep and after I wake up (we have vastly different tastes in tv/movies). I've actually begun to be as quiet as possible in the mornings so as to not wake her up and savor that hour or so alone. I dread her coming home from work if I've been home enjoying my alone time. I've skipped classes this semester just to have alone time. I was originally working today, but gave up my shift, contemplating not telling my wife and just having an evening to myself. Guilt overwhelmed me and I couldn't lie to her, so I am stuck here, on my birthday, with the least creative person I've ever encountered (quote: "I'm bad at surprises, we'll do whatever you want for your birthday") trying not to be outwardly miserable.
(By the way, this post took me an extra 45 min to complete because she woke up and demanded I come to the bedroom because she was lonely. I faked having to poop to get 10 min alone. I am a horrible person.)
|
self.offmychest
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.