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Surviving anxiety while in flight? Finally, after 3 years, I have decided to visit my family back in my home country, which includes a 3 hour flight. The flight is in 2 weeks and I'm mostly OK with it, but I get spells where I get terrified of what if I get panic attack on plane and won't know how to handle it or how to calm down?
Cause typically if I feel a panic attack upcoming I just leave whatever I am on, and go for a walk to calm down.
Worth noting I haven't had a full panic attack in 4 years since my first ever encounter, but I do sometimes get these headache/ head tension feelings that make me think that panic attack is coming.
I, rarely, do take Proponolol (which I was prescribed back in the day) before train journeys, and I am planning to do that before flight. It does somewhat help.
I guess what I'm looking for is for some suggestions how to handle the situation if I do feel unwell on plane, are there any tactics that help you? Do you perhaps use any essential oils/blends that help you? Or some over the counter relaxing/sedative helpers?
Thanks for any help!
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self.Anxiety
|
At what point do I stop hoping that you'll come back and just let it go? At what point do I stop replaying different scenarios over and over in my head, wishing I'd done things differently so that you'd still be around?
I'm flying out of town tomorrow to see my former best friend and celebrate her birthday with her. I should be viewing this as me finding happiness again -- me moving on. But all I see this weekend trip as is a short distraction, a way to have fun and keep my mind off of you for a few moments while I await your return.
:/
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self.offmychest
|
An update. Turned out to be a big ol mental health day today. Called in to work because I was so fucking agitated and stressed, went to the local mental health hospital (where I learned they don't have outpatient psychiatric care), left, talked to my boss about my absence and my illness, and filed for FMLA.
I know I've been in a really bad place these past few days and after taking it easy today, I'm exhausted, and I feel like I'm somewhat calmer now. Hey, I had "the talk" and I'm getting intermittent leave coverage, so there's two stressors off my back. But I almost went to the ER yesterday, probably should have, and now I know that in a real crisis that really is my ONLY option. But I also have intake papers completed at the mental hospital if I need inpatient care, so yay!
I am going to bed early tonight. I hope to get back to work tomorrow. I really want to get out of this fucky, horribly anxious headstate, and I feel like I've made some progress towards that today.
T-minus 11 days until I see a psychiatrist and can hopefully get some medication. I just wish it hadn't been so long. I really feel like these past few days my mind has been barreling out of control. It's emotionally exhausting. I really hope things are starting to improve now.
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self.bipolar
|
Redditers with BP who are stable: how did you do it, and what was your low point? I'm in my low point now (just got out of psych ward, fired from job, losing insurance at end of year etc etc) and if I don't start making big changes in order to get stable, I'm going to lose my marriage too.
So, you awesome people out there who made stability in their lives, what's your story? Did you ever have a low point? What steps did you take to find that equilibrium?
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self.bipolar
|
Does your anxiety make it difficult/impossible to rationally see situations and nothing's just a little bad - it's always cataclymic Couldn't think how to title this. I've got other issues but I'm thinking this one may be tied to my anxiety/panic problems (or maybe it just exacerbates them?)
For example, I've noticed it most pointedly the past week while my cat's been sick. She's been to the doctor, I'm handling the practical stuff. But emotionally it's roller coaster. She seems to be feeling better (responding to meds and eating) and my mind's saying yeah, she's back. She seems a lil stiff and not eating as much as the previous days and my mind starts planning her funeral. (Rationally I can see she's not acting like a sick cat, you can tell when they're uncomfortable and have given up. Plus the vet hasn't done or said anything that seems like they think she's that sick. It's just my scared little mind that won't shut up and stop crying)
It's like anything (in general, not just currently with the cat), but any time something isn't perfect, it's the end of the world and I'm positive it'll never get better. So I seem to spend a lot of time worrying about how I'm gonna handle the worst-case scenario which my mind won't stop telling me is definite even though the rational whisper knows I've never yet had to deal with the worst-case scenarios.
I'm just wondering if y'all can relate? is this an anxiety/panic related thing? I've got some other issues (diagnosed bipolar and self-suspected mild asperger's) so I'm trying to define/understand what's going on with this catastrophe thinking because I deal with my issues/symptoms best when I understand better where they stem from.
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self.Anxiety
|
Going to therapy for the first time today, just had an intense anxiety attack [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Feeling really numb I feel like my emotions are piling up to point where I think I will break. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I used to have good grades, used to care enough about who I will be when I grow up, used to have a dream I wanted to become a business man or some sort of IT worker. I remember when I was in primary school it was all fun and games, I used to have a couple of friends but all around everyone in class would still conversate. After primary school ends my grandpa gives me an option to go to art school I decide to take that offer, but for some reason I said screw that and instead of pursuing my art career (btw I really liked drawing as a kid) I decide to go to a middle school where all of my previous classmates had went. Genius! I know and I spent 4 years of my life being a complete outsider then my grandpa dies on 7th grade I am left with my mom and my grandma. (my dad left me when I was 3) After middle school ended and I finally got out of my shitty school filled people who only accept you if you're popular. I was unpopular and hanged out with 3 people. My friend who was really obsessed with anime, (still is my best friend up to this day) my other sporty friend who was shy yet didn't really study that much and a person I can't really call a friend since he used to make fun of me and anoy me all the time. He did alot of annoying things and just in general was being a complete asshole not just to me, but to all of my other friends as well. In any case when middle school finally ended it was time for me to choose where to go, and I had no idea. I wanted to die, somehow, anyway possible since I knew that I was horrible at everything. I call my mom I start crying and explaining that I have no where to go. It took us a while to realize that maybe I should try to go to art school one last time. And I did, and I got in. But even when I got in, it didn't help me, I still felt empty. I spent my entire summer on the computer 24/7. Every single day sitting there, and it still didn't help me. Even the one thing that used to make me feel happy didn't help. It had become boring. Everything seemed pointless and I wanted to die. And even now in art school, where everyone is super nice. I still feel empty and I want to share this with someone, but I know, no one wants to listen, since many more people are suffering the same exact thing I am or something far more worse.
Thank you so much for reading I honestly don't want to post this, but at the same time I want someone to talk to.
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self.depression
|
Does anyone have literally 0 friends or people to talk to? Yes, literally 0. I kno we like to say we are lonely here, but actually most people here actually have someone to talk to, even if it's online.
That being said I just havr to say that I am trying to deal with it and as embarrassing as it may sound I often talk to myself aloud just to hear someone speak (even if I hate my voice and I find it grating). I am mostly okay with it...I think. Sometimes it gets really bad, but I try to occupy my mind with video games anf music so I don't think about killing myself.
Edit: I want to thank everyone for replying to this, I had no idea it would blow up so much. I was very in my feelings when I made this post and on the verge of actually killing myself. I went to sleep and now I am feeling a little better.
I promise I will take time to read all the replies and respond to everyone. I also want to thank everyone who sent me a private message, I will reply to those too, but at the moment I am just feeling overwhelmed cause I didint expect people to actually relate to this or reply. I know it sounds cheesy, but I just wish I could hug all of you.
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self.depression
|
Suicidal I think about killing myself nearly everyday and I don’t think I can deal with it anymore
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self.depression
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I'll know that I'm completely over you the moment I stop searching for and reading Reddit posts that I wish you wrote about me. But until then, I'll keep scrolling and allow myself to feel until I just can't anymore.
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self.offmychest
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Welbutrin XR, anxiety and being unable to focus. The doc wont listen to my concerns. WTF? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I don't want to live any more. I don't feel safe talking to anyone in real life about this. I'm not using a throwaway, I don't know why.
I'm a suicide survivor. I've been in and out of the mental recovery ward throughout my life. Recently, my depression has manifested as as blind rage. I've pushed away so many people, and I was too ignorant to realize it until now.
I don't want to go on living. I feel so empty and guilty. I hate myself so much that I can't even look at myself in the mirror any more. I don't know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel nothing I've been feeling myself slipping into nothingness for months. I've been struggling with memories of being raped, because recently I started a new job in which my manager has sexually harassed me several times. Every day I wonder what it would be like if I had the guts to go through with it. Last week I wrote a suicide note, and I left it at home, and I was really going to, but I couldn't. There are pockets of happiness, but it's mostly sadness, and emptiness. I don't know what to do, how to talk about this. I'm burdening everyone in my life with my issues.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My son has come home I don't know. I'm just so glad and relieved that my son is back home.
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self.offmychest
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Depth and Fighting Depression How do we stay happy even in hard times? Why does depth seem to result in depression? How do we fight depression?
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self.depression
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It's Debilitating I recently had a major manic episode. My meds were adjusted, but my professional life took a HUGE hit and I'm feeling guilty and sad. I'm eating again and getting better sleep. My husband is by my side (thank God) and trying to encourage me not to feel guilty or insecure. I don't know how to deal with this hit on my professional life without shame. The shame is keeping me from stepping up again. Still lethargic from malnutrition brought on by my mental illness, so that's part of it too.
Any suggestions on how to get inspired again and rid myself of the shame? First time posting and I love the pill banner. It made smile.
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self.bipolar
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PMS anxiety Hey everyone.
I've begun to notice a pattern to my anxiety and that is it swings by around the same time PMS does as well. It's strange because I don't get hardly any physical symptoms but mentally at times I can feel like a completely different person. It's really hard for me to get control of because I don't know how to fight my brain, especially when it's not a particular situation that is giving me anxiety (which I could attempt to solve) but rather chemicals in my body doing weird crap to my mood.
It leaves me feeling numb, and very fragile. Like I don't want anyone to touch me or talk to me because I might shatter. Or maybe I'm sitting in my room and start crying for no real reason.
I also suffer with some anxiety outside of this, but I think the PMS makes it a million times worse.
Any advice on how to make this better? Or not allow it to have such a drastic affect on my life? Should I talk to someone about this?
Much appreciated.
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self.Anxiety
|
I feel like I am creeping there .... I don't know if I am actually getting depressed or not. **I am not going to self diagnose as no one ever should**, but I do feel like I am getting more sad by the day. I am not trying to be an attention whore so every time a friend sees me sad I just say I am okay or I am tired. I don't know maybe I just don't like other knowing my problem (**others meaning people ik irl**). But I want to know, like generally I am lonely when I am home, I don't get out much or anything really, could that be a problem ?? I want to know how some people actually avoided being depressed or getting to a state of depression. Does hitting the gym work, working out ? Idk but I really want to solve this before it becomes more of a serious issue. Any kind of suggestion will help.
TL;DR I feel like I am getting sad so please give me suggestions on what you think would work to avoid the state of sadness.
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self.depression
|
Open To love completely and irrevocably, unconditionally, is to let yourself feel.
Maybe the most dangerous thing you can do. Over a year ago, with all these thoughts clouding my brain I never once would have thought that love would be one that consumed them all.
To love is to let yourself feel.
To open yourself.
To let all guards down.
To close your eyes and let yourself.. fall, freely. Into his arms.
But to let yourself feel is to let yourself feel pain, caused too, by love.
Is the high worth the pain?
To grit teeth and bear the pain is to love.
To forgive and to forget is to love.
To be honest is to love.
The high is, indeed, worth the pain.
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self.offmychest
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[Venting] Feeling useless In my job its a very important part of the year, and I am still learning how to do certain phone calls which require making conference calls. In the last 3 calls, something has either gone wrong with the people I am trying to call or my phone system. It's starting to make me feel like I look incompetent to my employer and to my clients even though none of it is my fault at all. It's not like there is proof that I did or did not do something to make the phone calls cut off. But now I feel like my job is going to be on the line because of it all. I just want to grab my coat and walk out and not think about things but that wouldn't solve anything and just make it worse. I finally escaped retail to find a great job and now I feel like it is being jeopardized beyond my control.
Right now my job is all I have to focus on. I have no family, no home life, and if I lose this I really don't know how I am going to handle it mentally and emotionally. I am probably being way too paranoid but If my logical brain would affect my emotional brain I guess I wouldn't be here! :D
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self.Anxiety
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help Alleviating my girlfriend's anxiety I've been with my SO for three years now and I'm running out of ideas of how to help her.
She was verbally abused and ostracized by her own family as a child. Being alone much of her life (we met when she was 16, 19 now) she's developed a propensity to withhold her feelings and let them bottle up into an attack. She was bullied, is very insecure and does not feel like herself. After three years of being together, we're very close and know everything about one another yet with her anxiety, I just can't find a solution.
Some things that contribute to her present day anxiety more drastically include; one year since losing her grandmother (who she was very close with), stress from her college workload, stress at home (she's still ostracized and lives in a caretaker role for her siblings as her mother is indolent and repulsive) and frequent death anxiety (which she's also carried for quite some time).
Whenever she has an attack when I'm with her I try to keep her breathing steady with deep breathes. I try to have her keep a relaxed sitting posture and if she gets worse, I have her stand and sort of do a swaying motion while holding her. I unclench her hands and try to get her to stop fidgeting. When not having an attack I try to get her to tell me what factors cause her to feel more anxious and to tell herself it's okay and that she is in a much better place (which she is). The only thing that seems to stop her attacks is falling asleep.
She keeps saying it's getting worse and last week was talking with suicidal thoughts (something she's done sporadically over her life). She just exclaims how much she wants to get better and I feel clueless and helpless being able to provide no real solution. She loves her life and deep down is not suicidal but I'm at a crossroads. I just don't know what to do to help her. Medication is not something she's comfortable with but as for therapy, I don't know her thoughts. Being so close with her I feel like it's my responsibility to help her overcome it, especially since she's had it for so long.
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self.Anxiety
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cross-country move w/o job [Help] Hey yall,
Im planning to move across the country from the East coast to LA. I'm most likely not going to have a job at that time (tho i have one now) and I'll ask my psych to get me 3 months worth of meds.
Anyone do something similar and have any advice?
Thanks,
Ya boi
P.S. if this should be crosslisted to another sub lmk
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self.bipolar
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Where does irritability and rage fit in to bipolar and what can you do when you realize your experiencing them? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Lost my mom and now I’m more depressed than ever. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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wish everyone has a calm weekend. may u c the light to solve your issues
peace
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self.Anxiety
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Panic attack I'm having a panic attack I don't have any friends to talk to about this. My boyfriend of three years broke up with me and I have to move an hour away with my mom and my huge dog and live in a tiny room. I can't breathe I can't think I just want to stop feeling everythint
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'll be without lithium until monday (and other concerns) [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Fucking useless All those normal experiences people have I don't. I'm paralyzed by indecision and the only thought going through my head is end it
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self.SuicideWatch
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Help Work 8 hours a day, and have no time for myself.
Got no money, no savings.
Born with nothing.
I am young... and I am really starting from 0.
Any advices on how can I manage all this?
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self.depression
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Mom said I should kill myself I'm suicidal every day and I'm pretty honest about it, and today my mom was talking about how she can't deal with me anymore and I asked her not to call me a burden cause it makes me want to die more and she said "If you want to die so badly, you should kill yourself". So that's great. Just another reason to add to a long list.
Edit: This got a lot more comments then I thought it would, thank you. I want to say first thanks for all the comments, they're very kind and they were nice to see. Second, inherently my mom is not a bad person. She's never been a bad mom. She is just one of those people who when they're lashing out or they're hurt, they say the worst possible thing they can think of. What she said was terrible and awful and unacceptable, but she is still my mom. She loves me and has always shown it. I can't really forgive what she said, but she came to me and apologized and told me she loved me. I knew she didn't mean it but hearing it still hurt terribly. I'm still here trying and I hope she can keep things like that to herself from now on. But I also recognize that she's frustrated and sad with my situation and with her own. We're both trying. Thanks for all the kind words.
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self.depression
|
When you've become a "regular" at the pharmacy The other day, I had to fill a "few" prescriptions, and when I arrived I was immediately greeted by name.
I don't live in a small town AT ALL so this was kind of mortifying even though they're all very nice and respectful there. I feel like I'm too young (er, kind of) to have gone through *this* many prescriptions that all the pharmacy techs know me. I've come to terms with the fact that I should treat my psych meds like I treat my allergy medication or asthma inhaler (in that by not taking them, I'll likely die), but it does make me feel... Old? Very sickly? I realize I'm pretty much stressed over nothing.
Anywho, please tell me someone else can relate to this in some way. -_-
EDIT: I feel SO much better knowing that this is basically the experience of everyone! I think society's generally negative (or completely ignorant) view of BP people has internalized some embarrassment within me, but there are actually a lot of us out there. I'm so glad I found this community :D
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self.bipolar
|
I need help. There's been betrayal in my marriage. Its happened a total of five times now. I don't know how to handle it now because it's built up after all these times. I'm severely depressed. I've reluctantly given up. I have a newborn who needs me, and I put a happy face on so he doesn't have to see what mommy goes through. I'm pushing to try my hardest to keep everything together, but in the process, I'm falling apart. It's an addiction, but it's something that I never would allow in my home. The lies, secrets, loopholes, those are all extra. That doesn't mean the extra did not have a big impact either.
I'm stuck here alone while he works for our family, he wants to fix things, and I want to try, too, but my heart is shattered. I love him and loved him more than even myself and now I don't know how to cope.
I don't know what else to say other than I need help. I need assurance, advice, something, anything. I don't know what to expect out of this post. I don't know if it'll be heard or looked away. But I need help.
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self.depression
|
Is there a way I could find out if my cousin left a suicide note here about 2 years ago? My cousin unexpectedly committed suicide 3 years ago. It messed up our family big time, my aunt is probably having a bipolar depression that weighs on all of us, my grandmother arguably aged 10 years in a week and lost her mind, and we're all constantly wondering what the hell happened to have him end his life this abruptly when many things seemed fine (I'm keeping it short, my cousin was incredibly intelligent and complex).
A few days ago, I stumbled across a note from a 30-ish guy who presumably committed suicide 3 hours after posting a bleak note on this subreddit. It was clear, he wouldn't read the replies and the only activity on the account was from this single post.
Since my cousin hasn't left anything written (that I know off), I wondered if it'd be possible to search every post from a certain period of time to see if he maybe shared what was happening in his mind before doing it.
Any help with how I could proceed for my research is welcome. I need closure. It still fucked all of us up. We don't get it. And each family reunion leads to discussions on how we don't fucking understand.
TL;DR: Is there a way to find somebody's suicide note on Reddit by targetting a period of one month or so, and special keywords?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone lack concentration on during a heightened anxiety episode? Hey there. I have been suffering from OCD and Anxiety since I was a teenager. It’s only been amplified in the past few years.
Whenever, I am going through an anxiety episode, my chest is tightened as if there’s a large weight and cloud on it. Additionally, my speech tends to be quicker and it is harder for me to express my thoughts. It’s as if I want to finish the sentence a lot sooner.
When it comes to reading, I tend to jump words quickly, and at times I have to re read the sentence a couple of times. It’s as if my eyes are reading the next few words a lot faster.
Does anyone experience the same issue/s? I feel like I am the only one here...
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self.Anxiety
|
A letter that will never be read... Why were you so fucking terrible to me. Why were you so fucking mad all the fucking time. I did so much and I tried so hard to give you everything and to be everything that you could ever need. I was never good enough. You beat that idea into my thoughts. You did so well at making me feel inferior that I still can not break it. I can not move on. I am literally stuck here where I am as I am. A pathetic shell of a fucking person. I feel so fucking empty and worthless. The only person who will ever love me is an abusive piece of fucking trash. Who didn't even love me, more just wanted to control me. I did so fucking much for you. I loved you through and through. There was a time I was head over heels for you. I wanted nothing more than to just be happy with you forever. Your turned my forever into a fucking nightmare. I was never good enough for you and you made sure I knew it. My family wasn't good enough for you. My roots weren't good enough for you. My appearance wasn't good enough for you. My job wasn't good enough for you. My friends weren't good enough for you. My apartment. My car. My personality. Nothing about me. And I was so impressionable. I just wanted to be what you wanted. I loved you so much I thought you were trying to help me. I thought you just wanted what was right for me. You just wanted to mold me into who you thought I should be. You tore me apart and picked at every last bit of my being. You told me that the no one could stand me. That I was useless and garbage. You told me that no one would ever love me. That I am complete trash. And that the whole world hates who I am as a person. That the very bits of me that make up my personality and who I am are the literal worst parts of me and that no one would ever accept them. You fucking lied. You took all I had from me. You tore me down to nothing. I lost my will to fight. I became bitter. I fucking hated you. I resent you so fucking much. I want back the last three years of my life. I want it all back. I want to undo any decision I ever made that led me to you. I should have never answered my phone that night in August 2013. I should have just ignored it and went about my ways and my life however it was at the time. I fucking hated it but I don't care. The things you did and said to me. The way I am now. How I will never ever be able to be myself again. You fucking broke me. You made me useless. I'm a fucking waste of a person now. There's nothing of the original wonderful carefree fun loving girl that I used to be. I'm nothing but a huge blob of tension and anxiety all the fucking time. I hate myself. And I sincerely wish I could die.
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self.offmychest
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Back at rock bottom. Legitimately scared of myself right now I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, self harm and trichitillomania for the past 10 years. I’ve had ups and downs, been on and off various meds but I seem to always end up in the same place.
This past year has been really hard and I feel like I’ve reached a breaking point.
After having a mental breakdown last year and some severe self harm relapses my boyfriend put me on his insurance so I was able to go to a psychiatrist and get on medication. Even with insurance the doctor was a huge financial burden for us but he insisted and the medication did help with my depression and irritability.
At the beginning of the summer I left my job of 8 years. It was supposed to be a new beginning, a chance to get out of the rut I was in and do something different. I also decided to shave my head because despite the meds helping my moods it did nothing for the trich and I had huge bald patches from pulling out my hair.
I ended up finding a job that I enjoyed, but the pay only half of what I was making at my previous job. Because of this I could no longer afford to see my doctor and get prescription refills so I stopped taking my meds. I started to fall behind financially. My boyfriend has been working hard to cover the bills but it’s barely enough.
In October I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. I was devastated. I didn’t know what to do. I had an ultrasound done and the doctor told me it wasn’t a viable pregnancy and that I would most likely miscarry. A few weeks ago I went back in for another ultrasound and the verdict was the same. I couldn’t afford to take the meds to induce the miscarriage so I just opted to let nature take its course.
We got behind on rent and bills due to me missing work & paying doctors bills
Fast forward to today. Officially in the second trimester and I wake up in the middle of the night to blood. It’s finally starting. I manage a few hours of sleep and wake back up to a notice from the landlord that we have 3 days to pay this months rent + fees (over $700 of fees) or we’re evicted. Go outside and we have a termination notice from the electrical company.
It’s all hit me so hard. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I love my boyfriend and I couldn’t leave him alone with this mess but I’m worried that I’m going to lose touch and off myself at any moment because I’m constantly sinking in and out of hysteria. I don’t want to do something stupid to myself that I can’t take back. But my life has fallen apart and I don’t know how to fix it.
I have thoughts of suicide and self harm daily but times like these it’s so hard to talk myself down from it
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self.SuicideWatch
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I can’t sleep at night; I try thinking of nice things like kittens, which is a mistake, because I then imagine horrifying things being done to these kittens. Then I try to think of anything else and I feel sick with nerves about everything that’s going to happen in the future. Don’t know if this even goes here... whatever
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self.Anxiety
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I'm in love with a girl i've been "stalking" for a year [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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The most realistic scenario for me being okay is winning a massive lottery [deleted]
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self.depression
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Tips on how to get out of a crisis? * I'm on vacations from my job. I thought about spending those summer days relaxing at the beach.
* A couple of weeks before my vacations, I met a man and we've been dating. For my reasons he seems awesome and I'm obsessed. The moments we were together were very good and pleasant. When I'm not with him I start to get anxious and insecure. That was worsened by my vacations and distance.
* It only rained here, I'm alone. My notebook broke and I'm not being able to work in other things.
* I found myself in a obsessive and destructive anxiousness state. I'm starting not to recognize myself.
I'm leaving the beach tomorrow. I said some dumb, mental things to the guy. I may see him in the next days. But still, he's going to travel until new year's. My therapist is also on vacations.
I need to recenter and get back on tracks and start my year with enlightenment. Any tips on how to get out of this state? It's getting bigger than what I could take in.
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self.Anxiety
|
Holidays Sucks Going on social media was a bad idea. It hurts to see how happy people are when I can never obtain it. All I want is to be happy, but that's even something to too far out of my reach.
I'm just glad I'm not at a big get together because I just don't have the energy to do anything. I really haven't even left my room. All I've had today has been a few chips and like two small things of candy and I already feel gross.
Never in my life have I ever felt more alone than today. And it just seems to be getting worse.
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self.depression
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Every day I stare at my messenger app looking for someone to make me feel less lonely Never happens. Just wanted to throw something into the abyss.
Edit: thanks for the messages folks, after I posted I fell asleep and now I'm headed out to work, so won't reply for a while
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self.depression
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Haunted by the past, disengaged from the present, fearful of the future. Things are not looking good for me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Wrong Drive I heard this song and I realized why I feel empty in all I do. Here's a rough translation of it.
"I can't feel any emotion with no one to relate.
I'm just living life patient
For dedication and greatness
How can I be so great when the projects are my validation?
I wish my grandma was still here to watch me grow up
I wish my four heros were still here to watch me come up
I guess things never go how you want them to
I don't just want to be a man
I'm going to
for ambition"
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self.depression
|
Little bit of me dies everyday....If one of you reads this, god bless you. (sorry for bad english/grammar)
This is really hard for me, as this will be the first time sharing about what a pathetic life I've had and kind of life I live everyday.
Depression has always been like a friend to me that never left. It all started since I was a kid and beginning to understand what was going and who my parents were and the kind of family we were around. My parents were always passive-aggressive to me, if that makes sense. Like me when I was a 11 yrs old, I wanted to have a cool pair of sneakers that my friends use to have in school. I asked my parents to buy me a pair and never really understood what they meant but I understood it wasn't very nice when they would tell me things like, "are you ok, do you need us to remind you that you are not retarded?" It wasn't exactly like that but something along those lines. I begin to realize that my parents were different in the way they treated me as a kid than the rest. I was going and coming home from school since the 3rd grade and would always feel sad when I had none of my parents come pick me up like my friends.
My parents would never buy me things I've wanted, they never let
me have video games, they never brought me presents. It was whenever they decided that I lacked a certain necessity they would buy that specific item, never out of the ordinary. It was always sad at family gatherings where I would see my cousins with good clothing and having parents who would be around them the whole time and meanwhile I do believe till this day, that if it be like the medieval times. My parents would have me locked up or killed.
Fast forward to middle school, Usually almost everyday I would come home and lock myself in the bedroom and play with whatever I had and stare outside at the beautiful world that I could never experience. Would ask if I can get certain clothing to go out during winter days to play with my friends and my parents would be "whatever", felt like they wouldn't care if I went outside and got hit by a car. Reactions like that made me feel like it was wrong of me to ask, and I would return back to my bedroom. For the entirety of my life I would always eat whatever my mom or dad made for breakfast-lunch-dinner. Some days I would not dinner and my parents didn't even bother that their kid slept hungry. At school at a very young age I begin to hide my depression and sadness so no one would find out about my life. I always kept a mask over my true self. I would be the most energetic and happy kid. Believe me I would get very good grades and my teachers and friends would be soo proud of me but when I showed the grades to my parents, "Dead-reaction" they didn't care... When I hit "puberty" at that time I didn't know what was going on. I had none of my parents explain to me what was going on and how to deal with it. I pretty much had to cope with it and ask and learn from my friends what to do if they were having the same "issues" I was having.
Fast forward to High-School, it was pretty much the same dead life. Made couple of friends and had a pretty "normal" high school life without any interaction outside of school. My friend's would invite me to play or come hang out with them but I would fearfully say no all the time because I feared my parents and always had a feeling that they could disown or abandoned me any time if I angered them. At family gatherings my cousin's parents would boast about their kid's achievements and I would always be left-alone in corner and I would never interact with anyone. My cousins found me weird so they never kept in touch with me. My relative thought I also had some mental problems so they also never bothered. I would do the obligatory "hey hello nice to meet you... yeah high-schools great....yeah I like my teachers.... etc" and that would be it. Would follow the same routine everyday, kind of felt like robot in all seriousness. None of my actions had feelings or emotions just dead. Wake up>brush>shower>wear my clothes (there weren't much combinations,I pretty much wore 2 jeans, 4 different shirts, 2 sweaters and 1 same pair of sneakers for the 4 yrs of my high school)> go downstairs and make cereal>school>come home>do homework in bedroom>eat in bedroom>watch outside the window>write in my diary>study>go to bed. Eventually during my senior years of high school I learned how to be self-reliant and start making eggs when my parents weren't home, I'd sneak in some T.V time and would be amazed at what was available. Never knew there were soo many cartoons and shows.
Fast forward to college. I ended up going to a community college because my parents didn't have money and frankly didn't wanna be a bother to even ask them to pay for my own college tuition. I am personally scared of debts, So i never took a college-loan to go to a good college. I used whatever money I had saved to pay for my college and some by parents. I bought my very own laptop with my money and felt soo proud. Now I am a sore loser who has nothing but an associates in business and pretty much jobless and no one to help me or even give me an opportunity. Still staying with my parents but it just feels even worse now that I realize that I pretty much mean nothing to anyone. I am powerless to a point where I want to kill myself but I don't even have the guts or will to do that. I wouldn't mind someone killing in me, In fact I would bless them from the heavens for killing me. I have no one to help me and as a 23 yr old I have cried myself to sleep for the past 15 yrs. God Bless you all.
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self.depression
|
What would you like to let others know about Bipolar? I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 years ago at age 40. I have a hard time explaining the effects of Bipolar on me, my family, and my daily life so I'm here to ask you... What would you like others to know about Bipolar?
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self.bipolar
|
Morning anxiety recurring: Why is it so hard and what's hard about it? I've had diagnosed depression for about 2 years now, undiagnosed could go all the way back to 14 yo. I've come a long way in terms of coping and dealing with it. Started pills then eventually weaned off. Started therapy with great success and improvement (I still go)
Read a lot. Philosophy and psychology and human behaciour and Energy. I've read, fought with the principles, shed all the "should be" and "have to" that I can. I'm good now. I'm still WIP, but I'm in a good place. Good job, good friends, I work on my music.
But there's that loneliness. So while everything is great, I still wake up with fear and stress. WHY?
What makes it so hard?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Drinking myself to sleep I just drank 2 bottles of wine. My doctor told me not to drink after taking my pills but what the hell. It's Xmas. Also my ex girlfriend's birthday.
I just watched Muppet Christmas Carol like I did when I was a kid. I always felt like scrooge was someone else but I just realized I'm him. I'm scrooge.
I'll be alone forever and I deserve it.
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self.depression
|
This is a first I always keep it to myself and I know it's bad for me, I don't show it and even if I told someone close to me how I feel, I couldn't explain it to them, it's just there, that horrible feeling of emptiness, I have no reasons for it and I wish I did so I had some sort of excuse.
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self.depression
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this week fucked me up I failed my math tet, my gf who i loved so fuking much broke up with me, and im sick. I cant stop crying
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self.depression
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I am very afraid of pretty much everything This will get very personal. If you feel like you might be triggered from a text post getting in depth about one's insecurities with no answer or conclusion, please stop reading. Also contains profanity, mentions of medication and self loathing.
When I was 18 I used to have daily panic attacks, every morning before going to school. I would wake up and induce vomit, just to stop myself from having to vomit in public if things got too bad. I started treatment with a psiquiatrist and started taking some anxiety meds. They made me a lot better and things got a lot easier as I went to college to learn psychology, inspired in part by my own struggles. Soon, I stopped taking my meds on my own, but it was OK and I lived on without any major crisis for 5 years.
Now I'm 23, I'm a psychologist working a dead end public service job. I'm also taking my masters degree. But it's tearing me apart. Last week I broke down at work and had to see a doctor. I thought I was just very nauseous from something I had eaten, but I was also having trouble sleeping.
As soon as the doctor asked my what was wrong, I tried saying I was having trouble sleeping and that I was stressed but I just started crying and could not stop at all. I got leave from work and went home. Things were ok, but everytime I thought about work or college the anxiety would hit.
I fortunately have a girlfriend who is also my best friend and a psychologist too. She is very comprehensive and helps with whatever she can. However, I had to go to my home town for the holidays. Is not something I'm obligated to do, I chose to do it as my grandma is very sick. My mother and sister are very understanding, but my father has lots of trouble with it.
My dad always had big plans for me, and althogh I am doing ok for someone my age and profession in my country, he never got over the fact that I don't want to be a doctor like he is. He interpreted my anxiety as not being happy with my profession and suggesting I go back to college to be a doctor. I am very uncertain about my future and feeling less and less safe and like the responsability for all I do is overwhelming.
I feel behind on my research and I have to present my project in february. I think everything I wrote is absolute shit and I can barely study because I keep procrastinating. I fucking hate myself for it. I'm always stressed so I never know if I should just rest or study. The less I study the more stressed I am, but then I hit deadlines and want to fucking die. The worst part is when my works are somehow accepted that leads me to believe I'm either a huge farse or that the professors pity me and don't hold me to the same standards as other students. Everytime I write I feel like I have to pull stuff out of my ass because I could barely read up what I'm supposed to be studying.
Shit got very real when I got a co-supervisor for my research, as my supervisor is getting her post-doctorate next year and won't be present. This guy is just amazing. He is smart and know exactly what I need to do to make ends meet. He always has something constructive to say about my writings. The problem is I am so very very very afraid to let him down, to show just how much of a piece of shit I am.
My job is just shit. Everyone that works there sucks and anyone trying to do a good job just gets chased away. I can't just leave though, as the market is very bad and I would be unemployed. My salary is such shit (about 660 US dollars per month, converted) I have nothing saved up. On the 2nd I have to go back there and I honestly don't know if I can.
I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid to get addicted to meds. I don't know any psychiatrist I can trust and they are all realy expensive. I just feel like dying.
Please, I just want to talk to some strangers about it, as I just think I'm bothering everyone I know with my stupid problems. If you want to know about anything else about me, even if unrelated, please ask, as it makes me feel better.
I don't really know if I should post to r/anxiety or r/depression, but I feel like it's better here actualy.
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self.Anxiety
|
Ireland Anxiety. Has anyone had experience with going through HSE for therapy? Good or bad experience?
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self.Anxiety
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I had no idea I had PTSD until today [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I hate how when you’re depressed you just forget everything. You forget to do stuff and you forget the stuff you did. Time passes without you realising and instead of doing nothing for ten minutes you did nothing for three hours but you didn’t even realise you were actually living.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Appetite Problems With Mood Swings And Medications I’m only in my early twenties, and I used to have a huge appetite. These days, have no appetite, and eating always feels like a chore. I know this is because I’m stressed; also I take lamictal, which helps a lot, but suppresses my appetite. I don’t want to complain that much, because I had an eating disorder when I was a kid—and that was much worse than this.
Anyway, does anyone relate or have any advice regarding what you do when you have no appetite?
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self.bipolar
|
Ex GF spreading rumours that I’m psychotic Hey guys, having a really tough one here. I’ve been sent screenshots by my histrionic ex claiming that I’m mentally unstable (I am, but she’s doing it in a stigmatising way). When she dumped me it was horrible and she used the cops against me after I dumped flowers and a letter on my door trying to win her back (so much to go into here but I’m willing if needed).
Now, maybe 18 months later I hear this. I blocked her in the end but in her messages she is claiming the other and it all gets messy. I’m not enough of a dick to go and spread her crazy episodes but would appreciate her to discontinue this behaviour.
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self.bipolar
|
Started B-12. It's making me hypomanic? So three days ago I started B50 complex and 1000ug of methyl B-12. I've heard it can really help with depression and sleep. I didn't get my levels checked before starting.
Anyway, I feel somewhat hypomanic. Unfortunately a bit irritable and restless but also a bit euphoric. It's been building over the past few days and honestly I may stop until I talk with my NP again. It is doing wonders for my focus. Normally I take 20mg of metylphenadate per day but didn't take it today because it can sometimes be destabilizing. Nonetheless my focus is quite good and my mind is clear. From the B-12 I guess.
Anyway, it's somewhat surprising. Just wondering if anyone else has had this type of reaction.
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self.bipolar
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Anxiety from Past (Embarrassing) Interaction I was going through a particularly hard time around 6-12 months ago and I messaged the dad of one of my ex-best friends. My friend was like a brother to me and he sort of just dropped me out of his life without any explanation. It was/has been really tough for me to accept but a few months ago a messaged his dad at a low point about it. His dad told me that people go their own ways and it sounds like it's time to let go. I was incredibly embarrassed I had opened up to him at all and it gives me a lot of anxiety when I think of it. I feel like I have portrayed myself and crazy, insecure, unstable, etc. I know it isn't much, but it was a really hard thing to go through for me and I just feel like an idiot. I don't know how to handle this anxiety.
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self.Anxiety
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How to bear a life with a dead end job? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Rexulti Experiences with this? I’ve been on everything in the book. I guess this is new. I have bad experiences with side effects. I’m BP1. Having bad mixed episodes. On topamax and lamictal for a long time. Adding this to help
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self.bipolar
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Everyone's gotta die make mine tomorrow please I have no reason. I hate me and everyone else should to
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self.SuicideWatch
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Failed my driving test I wouldn't even really care if it the appointment could have been sooner. I started this whole thing in September and every time, something goes wrong. Scheduled at a different dmv, missing a piece of paper work, next nearest time for an appointment over a month away. Good god this is frustrating
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self.offmychest
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Is it possible that Ritalin gives me anxiety where as Concerta doesn’t? I’ve been feeling painfully anxious on and off for a few days and the only thing I can seem to pin it on is the days I take Ritalin.
My prescription is usually for Concerta and I have no issues with it.
This time I got Ritalin and just have the worst anxiety, so has anyone else had the same issue? I’m going to try and pay more attention to whether or not it is the medication but any other ideas or ways to help minimize it would be awesome :)
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self.bipolar
|
Fuck bullies I feel like this has to be said. Bullies are the worst, for everyone. I think many of us who are depressed have been bullied by someone in our lives at some point.(I know others may be depressed for other reasons as well), but I was bullied through elementary and middle school and I think it has a lot to do with my depression now. During those years, I started developing the worst anxieties and insecurities in my life. Having good friends is what got me through it, but I still held on to those insecurities my whole life.
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self.depression
|
How long do your depressive cycles last? I've been experiencing one since August. Sometimes the length of my depressive cycles makes me question my diagnosis. Then again, I've certainly experienced a bit of hypomania (it's never been the full-blown, can't-sleep-for-days-on-end type and it usually only lasts a week or two).
For more context, I was on 400 mg of Seroquel but it wasn't doing much for me. I'm currently on 50mg Lamictal /100 mg of Wellbutrin (started taking them about 3 wks ago and I'm supposed to increase the dosages to 100 mg/300 mg next week).
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self.bipolar
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I'm having a lot of issues discerning honesty, and gas lighting. Basically because of my paranoia I'm unable to tell who is toxic and who is trust worthy in my life.
I think I'm an idiot.
Can I get someone to give me like a check list they use to tell if they're thinking rationally? I need to know what I can look for to guarantee I am grounded in the future. I keep getting in fights with a specific section of people in my life and no one wants to approach their issues. But at the same time I could easily be the toxic one I just dont get why I keep seeing it in a specific group of people.
How do I know I am crazy or not!? How do I know what is my body trying to tell me someone is threatening, or someone is lying!
How do I recognize toxic behavior if I cant tell when someone is lying or im being irrational about an issue!?
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self.bipolar
|
medication making me hypomanic? First of all, I am loving life right now without excessively spending and fucking every few hours. I love being hypomanic because I'm extra nice and feel good without the repercussions. I'm getting things done and actually dressing nicely which I haven't done in a while because of a depressive episode.
I am bipolar type I, so I've had a full blown manic episode before. I'm currently on depakote 250mg and geodon (I'm schizoaffective) 20 mg. Will I eventually balance out?
I personally wish I was hypomanic all the time honestly....
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self.bipolar
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Ever wonder if we’re not the problem with ourselves? Sometimes it seems that I’m only the way I am because of environmental factors, like I live in a society that encourages me to become this way.
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self.depression
|
Got my first rejection. Feels like shit, I think I lost a friend, and nobody seems to give a fuck. Guy in freshman year of college right now. For the past 2-3 weeks I've been spending a lot of time with this friend together. We've been watching netflix in my room (her idea), texting, getting breakfast together etc. I really enjoyed spending time with her, and I never felt anything like that before about a girl. We were polar opposites, I'm your shy, slightly awkward guy whose biggest struggle is meeting new people, while she is a massive extrovert, going to parties every week and meeting people left and right. Yet, I just felt very comfortable and warm next to her. I liked her so much, and I thought the feeling could have been mutual with how much time alone we spent together, which was generally upon her proposal. Despite being polar opposites, I just really had to give it a shot, because it was eating me up inside.
So last saturday night she asks if I would like to go to the movies with her. I obviously say yes, we have a nice evening, and separate our ways back to our own rooms. I couldn't say anything to her, but 5 mins later, I told myself that this just isn't working. I go to her room, knock on her door, and then completely blank out. She asks me what's wrong, and I finally give in and say "I just wanted to say that I really like spending time with you, and it's very hard for an awkward guy like me to say this, but would you like to go to dinner together tomorrow, or whenever?" And she just replies "Ohhhhh, you know I have two midterms this week..." and complete silence for a few seconds. I just say "Alright, I'll see ya" and leave.
God fucking damn it. At first I was proud of myself for building up the courage to do what I did, even though that might sound very sad. I realize that rejection happens to almost everyone, but I can't help but feel like shit. Even though I feel like I have gotten over the fact that she doesn't feel the same way I do, that's not where my thoughts end. I can't help but feel like something's wrong with me. And the whole situation just made me realize that I met so few people so far in my first year in college, and that I will never be able to find someone else that I will connect with like that. All my life, it has always been that other people approached me to become friends somehow, and the same thing happened in college, including this girl. But I realize now that being approached in order to meet someone is much harder in college than it ever was. You spend such little time with people in your classes, clubs; everyone's life is running in their own schedule. I just can't help but feel like I will not be able to meet with someone whom I will feel as close to as I did to the girl that rejected me, simply because I feel like I will not be able to meet many people in the first place.
As if not meeting many people and having 3-4 people who I could call friends wasn't enough, now I think my friendship with this girl may be over as well. I haven't texted her since that night, since I just feel like that would make things awkward, and I wanted to give her space. We have 1 common class, and we always used to sit together. She sits next to me on monday with another guy, we have a small meaningless conversation about class, and then she start chatting with him instead. I can't really say much to her, as I'm still feeling down, but I try to not show that to her. "Time will make things better," I think to myself. Come today, same class again. I see her, say "Good morning," and she just replies "I'll sit somewhere else." Fucking soul crushing. I have done nothing wrong, I understand fully that the feeling I had were platonic, and that's okay. But that doesn't change the fact that I enjoyed spending time with her, and given that she always asked me if I wanted to do sth with her, I would have thought she enjoyed spending time together as well. But just because I opened up about my feelings means all of that is gone now? Why do I have to lose a friend? It just feels so fucking unfair.
I understand that most of the stuff I typed up may be very normal. I understand that getting rejected happens to almost everyone, and that first rejection always feels like shit. Because of this, I understand that what I'm going through may be sth minor. But that doesn't make anything hurt any less. That doesn't make this any less real to me. Yet, everyone I try to talk to seems to just say "Oh man that sucks," and nothing else. Nobody seems to listen to me. Nobody gives me advice. Nobody tries to make me feel any better.
I feel like I'm on a slippery slope of depression, mostly because the whole situation made me realize I barely know anyone in my school. I want to make the effort to meet new people, and hopefully find someone else that I connect with. But it feels impossible. I'm not the type of person that is able to strike up a conversation with people. My friends generally start up and lead the conversation, and I contribute as we go. I thought she was perfect for me because of this as well. She would always invite me to do stuff together, find something to talk about and get me talking. I just can't see how I will meet someone else who could be that much into spending time with me that she will invite me to stuff and always lead the conversation, especially since people in college seem to have found their own friend groups by now, and they don't really try and meet new people. Past couple days, I have been forcing myself to talk to people I consider as acquaintances, but I always just end up talking about mundane college life/classes shit if they are not leading the conversation. I just don't know what the fuck to do with life at the moment, and nobody seems to care.
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self.offmychest
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I still sleep in my mum's bed sometimes. I got dumped yesterday. By the love of my life. While I was on my way to see the mental health crisis support team at my local hospital. I told my mum and she immediately told me to come visit when the doctors discharged me. So last night I spent the night in her bed with her even though I'm 22. We watched Brooklyn Nine-Nine and shared a little of her weed before falling asleep. I feel like a child for not being able to handle this without her but her bed is the only place I could have slept last night. I'm not used to sleeping alone. I don't feel safe by myself.
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self.offmychest
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Therapist Advice Manchester, England Hi 👋🏻 I’m looking for a new private therapist in Greater Manchester. Not too sure where to start looking for one. If anybody has any advice I would really appreciate it! Thanks in advance
EDIT: Not for crisis or trauma just general day to day thought processes and to keep an eye on me for signs of destabilising. Long term therapy.
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self.bipolar
|
I have an extreme self hatred for myself and I can't take it anymore have this intense self hatred I can't get over. I had since I was in elementary school when kids used to call me ugly and bully me everyday, now I'm 28 and nothing got better only worse. I can't stand to be me I hate it. I hate this life, I don't know why I was Made like this. I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. I got the courage and bought a gun I might just kill myself on New Years when everyone is out doing something and I'm left all alone. I think I'm finally done. I'll never get better, I could try to turn my whole life around but I know the problem is I don't want be me anymore. I wish I was someone else
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self.depression
|
Nobody can help me I don't want to say I'm done trying to get better and have people think I'm going to commit suicide because that's not the case, but I'm starting to give up. Nothing anyone can say, no coping mechanisms they can teach,and no medication they can give will make me feel any better. I've been severely depressed for 7 weeks now. All I can do is depend on ativan (prescribed) to keep me loopy enough to get through the days. The future seems non-existent and getting better doesn't seem like it'll happen. My life seems ruined.
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self.bipolar
|
Place to study at night? **One sentence version:** I started a class at night school and am looking for a place to study outside of my house.
**Version with pertinent information:** I just started school to get my real estate license. I'm *really* proud of myself for taking it on, haha, but I have run into a problem. Like so many here I dont sleep well and pretty much never at night. I go to class in the evening, get out about 10:30, go to the gym, then come home. At this point I'd normally waste the rest of the night on the internet but now I have serious studying to do. I live with my parents so Im confined to my room at night for light and sound reasons. The thing is, I'm finding it *very difficult* to study there because it's not fun to do and I am surrounded by entertainment options! I do really well at the library but it's obviously closed in the middle of the night and I'm having a hard time getting up early enough to get there before class. (I've been sleeping from about 10am to about 3pm.)
I'm trying to be a big boy and just have some will power but I figured I'd see if you guys have any ideas of places that I could study at night? Thought there might be some other night owls here with experience in 24hr establishments.
Thanks for your time.
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self.bipolar
|
Has anyone hear ever tried Brintellix/Trintellix? I’ve tried Prozac and Zoloft and neither helped. Prozac made me lose my conscious and lose friends. Zoloft did nothing. Wondering if anyone has tried Brintellix or gone through multiple SSRIs to eventually have one work?
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self.bipolar
|
My birthday is tomorrow and I just can't see how anything is going to get better. I'm not ok at the moment. I guess that's obvious.
I've been dealing with depression and OCD, both pretty severe, for over a year now. Childhood wise, I was bullied at school, had an abusive father and a mother who was objectivley abusive but I struggle to call her that because she tried.
I've tried to do what you are supposed to do. I've sought help, I've started going to a psychiatrist but it's taking a while for the appointments to be consistent because it's free and therefore busy. I struggle to believe treatment is going to work honestly. I really want to try anti depressants but I already feel numb, that's kind of the problem. I feel like I've been clinically depressed for an overwhelming majority of my life, I feel like this is just what I am.
I'm struggling to function at all. Showering is hard, putting clothes on when I'm home alone is hard, forget doing something constructive like going to the gym - basics are too hard let alone life changers. I feel like this incredible burden on my family who have to support me and obviously don't want to anymore. Last year I was enthused by my new studies but this year the sheen has worn off and I'm bored and exhausted and couldn't care less.
I feel like the first 18 years of my life were such a constant cocophany of abusive words or behaviour that I'm just this broken shell of a person and I just. can't. function. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how I'm ever going to feel calm or not anxious or energetic, let alone happy.
I feel like with my birthday tomorrow, it's for some reason made me feel like this is all inescapable. The number feels significant, like being my previous age it was acceptable to be a piece of shit who can barely hold a job or look after themselves and who is constantly depressed, but with this new number it just feels so pathetic. Like its gone from 'my childhood has been bad it's ok' to 'your life is simply just bad and you just suck'. I feel like I need to go away somewhere and somehow entirely rebuild myself but I don't know how or where and not to mention money.
I just want it to stop. I just want to feel ok, not even happy just ok to be here. I just want to stop feeling anxious all of the fucking time. I want to be able to live a normal life and be ok in that life and not constantly feeling like I'm just holding it together. I want the energy to do actual things and have an actual life.
I can't see how that's going to happen. I can't see when that's going to happen. Every day all I look forward to is going back to bed and every time I wake up I wish I hadn't.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Growing up with fucked up parents.drug, crime, alcoholism, I love them and I know they love me, but I'm still fucked up. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Please help me I’m ready to end it all, I have a knife in my hand right now. I wish someone would talk to me but no one seems to care about me. Mom, I’m sorry
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Always with the doubting :/ So, just trying to work out what happened earlier today. Spend most of my morning overthinking I guess. Even this is part of it.
Last week I had a panic attack. I felt rather alone and forgotten. I convinced myself nobody cared etc. at all for me. After calling somebody close, crying a lot through the phone I had the courage to text another friend. Or rather he texted me. We hanged out together and it was fine. I told him I struggled earlier on the day and that I am afraid of messing it all up, worrying what people that are close to me (including him) think of me and how it connects to me not feeling good enough. We spend most of the afternoon/evening hanging out. I went home feeling so lucky and thankfull of having such a friend.
Yesterday, I went to the pub we often go to alone. That was still somewhat outside of my comfortzone and such. I texted him with the little victory I had and he decided to join over. Had a couple of drinks together, connected with other people at the pub etc.
When I went home, all the doubts and fears kinda overwhelmed me. Not knowing weither it was a wise thing to do I texted him with something of the following: "f*ck all these doubts again, it's good between us right even if we didn't talk a lot together. I wish I would worry less about all this"
He replied with "those doubts aren't needed". Which I know. If anything last week is an example of that, heck even yesterday is an example of it. And yet I keep going back to the doubt, to the worrying, to the fears. This morning when I woke up I regretted sending him that text and made myself all worry if I should call him, explain. Worry if I had been too forward, too needy or that he might think I'm being a burden because of that I sometimes need a reminder that it's all good and that we're friends.
I know I overcomplicate it all in my head. He's a friend. He's been there for my after my panic attack. He decided to came over and I've done so much awesome stuff with him. And yet, I can't shake the doubts, worries :/
After some meditation and reading I calmed down though. Thinking this is just a part of it and realizing it's my own thoughts leading me astray and nothing real.
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self.Anxiety
|
Everything is telling me to die My life is completely worthless. I work a customer service job with no future, I dropped out of college and couldn’t get back in if I tried, and now I know I don’t matter to anyone. I asked what few friends I have left if they had NYE plans, and not only did they not respond, they posted a bunch of pictures of their party. Everyone I would’ve called a friend was there, and not a single one of them let me know. I thought I was worthless before this, but now I know I don’t matter at all. Suicide is clearly my only option going forward, and I have a method, place, and time all picked out. Just need to follow through now.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Random rambling about jokes for a few sentences. Its amazing how one can turn a incredibly serious thing into a joke if one doesn't have the balls to do it.
Whenever i back off from my plans just seconds before i should do the thing ive planned to do, i immediately start planning my next opportunity to do so.
Example, i planned to "give hell" to one of my friends by cutting their arm open while making them know im doing it on purpose. I started the joke i had planned to do it with, but i stopped as i touched the blade i had with me. Immediately after i chickened out of it, i started to think of my next opportunity to do it. (which is on Wednesday)
Anyways, im done with this random speech.
Goodnight.
|
self.depression
|
Who to Send the Note To After a fifth failed attempt to leave my boyfriend, and now realizing that I've lost the opportunity of a lifetime because of it, and I have to continue the endless cycle of dating my boyfriend till one of us dies (I can't leave, I keep trying but don't have the willpower to do it), I've decided to hop off the bridge.
I want to email my suicide note to a lost love in life...but I think it would devastate him to read it. It seems like a cruel last thing to do, but I want to go knowing he will read it, he's so important to me and I would give the world to have spent my life with him - but I made my choice 10 years ago to date the man I'm with, and with him I forever must stay and thus my time in this world must come to a fabled close.
I find the hardest part, aside from choosing who to send this email to, is in the things I'll miss - discoveries in space, video games, heck I haven't even tried VR yet, all the beautiful animals in this world - but I know living with my boyfriend, contining to live this life...even if I see or experience those things, they taste like ash, they feel like nothing, I am numb to it all. If only I could be alone, single, independent even...that too I would RELISH in. Or to experience an entirely different lifestyle, to live openly bi, or poly for that matter, to not suppress ones desire day in, day out. I've crafted the perfect persona for my own pain, and only my boyfriend really knows, and oh how I just weep for the day he will say "I break up with you, go away" but I know it will never come because he has me, I'm his and kept and he knows I'll never find the courage to leave.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Doping during mania I wonder what happens if someone makes you a doping test during mania, the results could be anormal or they will be normal?
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self.bipolar
|
Broke Myself, Fixed Myself, Broke Myself Again Well. Here I go again. The basics about me: 22 year old male, INTP, and as of two week ago, a Marine.
If I'm being honest, I've probably been depressed for most of my life. About four years ago my parents kicked me out, and I lived alone after that. About three years ago is when suicidal thoughts were a daily occurrence, mostly stemming from loneliness and perpetual virginity and all that good stuff. Two years ago is about when I first played one-player Russian Roulette with my S&W .38 special. Did that a few times, sometimes I even put two in the cylinder, sometimes none, sometimes I just rotated it so I knew it wouldn't fire. Dark? Probably, but I guess I wouldn't be on this sub-reddit if I was mentally healthy. Well, then December 15th, 2016 rolled around. A day before my 21st birthday. That was the day I was going to die. I drove out of town to a spot I'd always gone to think. I loaded all five chambers of my S&W Airweight 642 revolver. I stared down the barrel for a while and then I put it to my head, aiming roughly for the brain stem. And I pulled the trigger.
In the top drawer of my dresser, there's a round of .38 special hollow point, silver case, made by Winchester, with a impact mark on the primer. That's the only time that gun ever failed to fire. 3 months later I decided to stop smoking, stop drinking, and I enlisted in the Marine Corps with a contract for a job that would eventually put me closer to a degree in Aeronautical Engineering. While in the DEP program waiting to go to boot camp, I met a girl who was absolutely everything I wanted. That was February this year. September I left for boot camp, and I graduated 9 days ago. I was so happy. I finally had a shred of self confidence, I had someone who loved me as much as I loved her, and 10 months was going to be 10 years. I finally made it.
Its Christmas Eve. I just learned that I lost my perfect job in the Corps due to poor credit. This morning my girl broke up with me, I don't know why. In front of me now is my laptop and my .45. I have nobody to talk to. Hotlines are busy, family is....unsupportive...and the few close friends I have...well...they're not in much of a better situation than me...I could go on further into the past but I don't want to write a novel, just know that this is basically how its gone for my whole life. I'm so tired. I don't know where I went wrong, but I can't do this cycle anymore. It just keeps getting worse and worse.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Has anyone been successful getting disability? I am losing my job soon and am in the exit process of getting terminated. Once that happens I will be applying for disability. I have a very strong case and my pdoc actually recommended disability. Have any of you guys gotten it granted? If so, how did you do it? What made you stand out? I am just going to be honest. I cannot function with the basic functions of living it wasn't too long ago that I was taking one shower a month. There are so many other things that I deal with so I hope I get it. I'd love any input/advice.
|
self.bipolar
|
I need help with... life I am losing everything. My close friend over in Israel stopped talking to me. I have lost my family and everyone from school. i feel disconnected and can no longer complete simple tasks. It is exam week for me and I am going to fail. I am worth nothing. I am a huge mistake.
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self.depression
|
My Last Attempt Was Pathetic I’ve tried killing myself so many times it’s kind of funny.
When I was younger I thought fall damage could kill me so I kept trying to fall of the jungle gym at weird angles, I just ended up braking my arm.
I tried suffocating myself with a scarf in 4th grade but I just ended making an ass of myself, most of the kids just laughed.
I recently tried again and it was probably my least funny yet.
Now think of someone, crying in the middle of a expensive bathroom at 5pm on a Thursday surrounded by cleaning rags trying to pour bleach in his mouth.
Internally I’m just yelling “do it, do it you fucking waste, you fucking pussy!”
And I’m just yelling “No no I’m not ready there’s still hope, there is still something to hold on too.”
“What are going to hold on to? Your girlfriend who doesn’t exist? Your family that doesn’t care? Your friends you were too stupid to keep? Fucking do it! Pussy!”
“No!”
“You can’t even hurt yourself! You’re less than worthless trash! Fucking do it! Fucking kill us! Now!”
Instead of killing myself I took a shower with my clothes on and waited for the water to go cold, occasionally hitting myself over the head with my fist.
It’s been a couple days and I regret not killing myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
One of the hardest life lessons I've ever had to learn. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I just don't think I can do it anymore, i'm trying so hard but I can't. I can't keep feeling the way that I do all the time, I can feel it destroying me. I can't keep living trapped in this life, I hate myself so deeply I can't imagine things getting any better. I've always tried to be what everyone wants me to be and I continue to fail and fail over and over again. I want to be tough, I don't want to hurt my family, but I feel like I need to get out. I feel this constant pit in my stomach and I'm always on edge. I feel like it's driving me insane. I'd try to get help but i'm in the military, displaying how pathetic and weak I am would only further damage my career and life. I have to do this, I just have to. I'm so sick and tired of dreading every morning I wake up, I just want to sleep forever. I feel like I'm being selfish and pathetic for thinking this way and I just cannot stand it, I can't stand the person that I am. I'm scared of dying but it's all I have, it's the only thing I can control. I feel like I need to drive out until I can find a fall that will kill me. Sorry for this long and pointless rambling, I guess I just felt like I had to get some of this shit out there somehow. Happy new year guys.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like a fool for thinking things would work out Before winter break at university, I began talking more with a girl who was in a group project. I think we really hit it off, and we started snapping a lot and getting to know eachother. I started picking up on all the signals that she was interested: always snapping me, constantly trying to learn about me, playing quiz games together, always laughing and staying close when in person, you name it. This went on for a few weeks.
More and more, I began picturing us together as a couple. She was so beautiful, innocent, and more than anything kind. I started to tell my few close friends about my interest in her, and they all seemed to agree that she definitely felt something in return and that I should go for it. So...
On a Friday night over break where I was hanging with my friends and drinking, in a slightly intoxicated state I messaged her coming clean: that I liked her and wanted to go on a date. I forget the exact wording, but it was pretty casual and easy-going. Not suggestive or anything. And so I fell asleep that night confident, believing that I had just cemented the start of a great relationship.
I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and my one friend hungover sick in the bathroom. After getting everything situated, I checked my phone and saw I got a snapchat from her. With a smile on my face despite the shitty surroundings, I quickly opened up the message and instantly I felt a wave of nothingness hit me, it was photo of all black captioned "I think we should just stay friends." It hit me like a fucking brick wall. I was devastated. I think I snapped her back something like "Oh ok I understand" in a haze and she responded with a "I hope we can still be friends?" and I was like "ya absolutely." What else could I say?
Ya, so that sucked, but at least I put myself out there right? But the one thing that was still eating at me was why she'd act so interested and then so coldly turn me down with no explanation. I figured perhaps she wasn't interested in a relationship and I had just gotten mixed signals. Either way, we have kept up communication, up until this afternoon, when I saw on her Insta she posted some photo and it was captioned "just waiting for a bae" or some shit like that, and I immediately felt that same wave of nothingness hit me.
Like wow. At first I had just told myself that she wasn't interested in a relationship, but now it was very clear she wasn't interested in ME. It made me feel like total and utter shit that although she wants a boyfriend that badly, she wants nothing to do with me. I feel like a fool for thinking that a girl that attractive would ever want anything to do with me romantically.
I'm a few shots deep and pretty depressed, I probably shouldn't even be telling this story because it's not like any of it really matters. It's nothing compared to the shit a lot of you have gone through.
I haven't responded to her in a few hours and I don't know if I will. What can I say? That for the first time ever I felt a true connection to someone and that it's clear she's totally uninterested?
I'm just gonna finish this drink and go to bed.
|
self.depression
|
Some get depressed due to significant loss. Others are depressed because nothing in life is of value to them in the first place. I got a job a few months ago and racked up a few Gs, and aside from usual expenses, I have not really spent any of it. I'm no longer working (on government benefits) and yet my bank account is growing.
Some people get depressed because they've lost something or anxious of losing something (eg. money, family, health). Other people are depressed because nothing in life is of value to them, including money and all the things money can purchase, even the things money can't buy. Especially the things money can't buy.
Not to undermine the severity of those experiencing loss or those with anxiety, but I feel like depression hits you on a deeper level with the latter type. Furthermore, society tends to feel more sympathetic towards the former, because not only is it relatable, but the signs are often more obvious.
I think the core motivation in life is desire, it's instinctual. But depression hits certain people in such a way that strips away that desire entirely and makes life much, much harder. It would be a luxury for me to experience loss or the anxiety of losing something, because it would imply the feeling that I had something there to begin with. It would make life interesting, and to have something worth fighting for.
|
self.depression
|
I see no reason to go on For a while I have been feeling very depressed and have been considering killing myself. I feel like I am worthless and have nothing to live for. I am good at nothing, I have no friends (I have been trying to find some for ages), I am constantly bullied by people at school and by my siblings, I am way behind with my school work and have no idea what I want to do with my life. I feel so hopeless right now and really need help.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Venlafaxine ER is curbing anxiety, but increasing appetite I started taking Venlafaxine ER to get my anxiety under control. Doc warned me that it may increase my appetite. As a stress eater, I figured it would balance out, and stay about the same. Wrong. Apparently Venlafaxine has increased my appetite by much more than can be off-set by no longer stress eating. It’s not that I’m hungry, it’s just that I’m craving certain foods, and eating compulsively.
Example: I wasn’t even hungry after work, but I had a HUGE craving for a Monterey melt from Whataburger. I felt a compulsion to get something fatty. I actually started to drive home instead, but changed my mind last second and turned toward Whataburger. I didn’t even switch it to a junior size, AND I got the meal with large onion rings.
Has anyone else here gone through this, and have you successfully countered the problem?
Note: I’ve been on this stuff before, but never really made the connection between the extra 75 pounds I put on and the meds. I really don’t want to get that big again. I am trying to lose 30 lbs, not gain 75.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Failing every fucking thing Im a senior in high school taking full-time college sophomore classes. I just finished this first semester, but I haven’t even checked my final grades because I’m so scared and anxious I did bad on them. I never want to find out if I ended up failing or just barely passing. The lowest final grade ive ever gotten before is a B+ and lets just say I’ll be happy with a B-.
What has recently messed me up is finding out my standardized test subject scores. I did absolutely horrible on them, even though I felt pretty confident about them. I need high scores to get into selective schools (and my first choice), so I might as well just stop packing my bags and go stay at a community college. My parents didn’t really help and just shoved religion down my throat again.
I’m just tired of this shit. My S/O has been ignoring me (our relationship has been very tumultuous recently—and it’s never been this way before), my parents expect so much out of me that I can’t acheive, and I’m not able to get any actual therapy. I’ve been on edge this entire goddamn semester and I’m ready to hang myself because I don’t want to go through this shit again. I’m thinking writing a note today and planning out my death more the next few days.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Day 3 of drink myself to death 3 days ago I was diagnosed with Persistent depressive disorder (dysthymia)
I always had hope that my depression would go away
Ive felt depressed since I was 7
Now I know it won't ever leave and I see no point
I'm on a suicide mission I've started taking drugs again and I've been drinking heavy the last 3 days
Ive also been balancing my job around all of this
I told my friend and told them I need help but of course I've been ignored
I even saw her at work and we just acted like I was fine even tho she knows what I'm doing
I just want to die
|
self.depression
|
I need a razor Shit. I need to cut. My hands are shaking. I need a god damn razor. I don’t know how to get one right now. The one I usually use is at my moms house and I’m at my dads. Shit. I could kill myself. I have pills in my room “just in case”. Tonight could be my second attempt. It really could. Maybe it will be.
|
self.depression
|
Dealing with anti-depressants/Giving support I've struggled with depression myself and I know it's extremely tough to cope with. So I've got a certain knowledge on how to support someone else with it.
Though recently, a person came in my life whom I've grown to love. I know this person doesn't have the easiest of lives and I want to support this person in any way possible. It's long distance which makes is very tough for me to do this.
Recently, this person's been prescribed medication (anti depressants) and though I've struggled with depression in the past, I have no experience with anti depressants. I've done some research, and I know a bit about SSRI's and all that. But I would just love some more advice or more insight on how to support someone on anti depressant medication so I can understand this person better.
If you've read what I wrote, it means a lot to me. Bless you and thank you in advance.
|
self.depression
|
Felling more alone every day I have always been depressed and anxious. Which is why, as a man at the age of 35, I have 1 friend and have never been in a romantic relationship before. I live by myself and am rather used to being alone at home. I feel safe and confortable when I'm by myself.
I've always been very anxious to interact with other people. I just can't even speak properly to strangers and I'm used to that, but lately it's getting so hard to even leave the house... I constantly feel like everyone is staring at me or something and all I can think about when I'm outside is how I'd give anything to be back in my bedroom.
The weird part is that I'm terrified of ending alone... never finding love (corny for a 35 year old male, I know) but at the same time I'm also terrified of socializing and being close to people...
At one moment I dream of living this overly sweet, super cheesy love story and literally one minute later I'm wishing I could lock myself in a bunker and never come out...
My friend tells me I should go out more so I could meet someone but how can I meet someone when I forget every single word in the dictionary just by someone asking me the hours?
I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to have a normal interaction with another human being without me saying sorry countless times
|
self.depression
|
when I’m anxious or thinking too much, my wrist tingles Been clean for about 3 months now. Does this happen to anyone else?
|
self.depression
|
I now hate furrys and can't trust anyone now. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
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