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Advice for Dealing With My Bipolar Boyfriend While I have Cancer [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I over think all social situation! what can i do? I always over analyse all social situations I am in, it drives me insane. My brain is always working and I have too look at every detail, its ruining all my relationships. help
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self.Anxiety
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I feel lost Hi my name is david and i don't know what to do my girlfriend committed suicide on the 26th and my aunt past away on the 28th I need help
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have a really bad feeling about the kid I used to babysit. TL/DR; I think the kid I used to babysit is going to grow up to be a serial killer/ mass murderer.
Started when he was a baby. He HATED other children and was obsessed with women. He would shove other kids to the ground if they had something he wanted, would even brawl a little bit.
He was also a peeping tom at a vvvery young age. Caught him trying to watch me undress, would grab me inappropriately constantly, and would always have questions about the female anatomy by age 7.
He has also always had an obsession with weapons. By age 8 and on he is firm on his his decision to pursue weapons design. His mother never allowed him to play shooting games or own toy guns. Even to this day at age 14.
He's been kicked out of every boy scout troop he's been in, at least 6 different ones now. He's been expelled from 2 schools, one elementary and one junior high. Elementary because he bit another boy's genitals so hard he bled.
He's never had a friend, never been to a sleepover, or invited to a birthday party. His last birthday party, 14th, was only close members of the family and family friends.
I am also currently under the belief that he has killed both of his bearded dragons.
I do still love the kid, and I know his family doesn't treat him the best.. I don't want to judge him for being him but I certainly do not feel comfortable being around him. I have tried connecting, but he is so crude and cruel.
Now I'm no expert, though I am obsessed with true crime, but his profile makes me very uneasy. I'm afraid for who he will be as a mature adult..
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self.offmychest
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Going to doctor for depression medication for the first time. Need advice. [deleted]
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self.depression
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This semester gives me daily anxiety attacks I'm trying so hard to get something done every day, anything I can but so often I just can't keep my attention long enough to begin my work. Then I end up passing out and not doing anything and as deadlines approach my anxiety just gets worse and it makes it even harder for me to do my work... the semester is almost over and I have no idea what to do to pass my classes. I feel like the world is caving in on me and my chest hurts, I don't know what I should do. I've tried making lists, I got a planner, I've talked with my professors but they can only do so much, I've tried taking a day off then working, I've tried laying everything out in front of me, I've tried doing things one at a time... nothing works. I lack the motivation and the longer I stare at my work the more anxiety it gives me.
Has anyone else gone through something like this? What did you do? How can I stop this nonsense?
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self.Anxiety
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I've had this pain for years, will it ever go away [deleted]
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self.depression
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I know I suffer from social anxiety so now what? I've recently come to realize that I suffer from this terrible disorder. I'm 37 have literally no friends (not even one) and thankfully I do have a girlfriend that loves me and accepts that I am a loner.
I used to be social and smoked a lot of weed which help me socialize. Now that I've been clean for 15 years I feel like I am just a boring sad person.
I have a Dr appointment tomorrow and I'm not sure if I should ask for meds or something to help get back out there. I do not want to get hooked on meds though so what are my options?
What should my approach be with the Dr? What do I say? Do I ask for a specific pill or maybe a prescription for weed??
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self.Anxiety
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Everything is falling apart and I don't know what to do. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Home We moved a far ways from home this past summer, and I am really home sick.. I wonder, some days, if I am really home sick or just dislike where we moved to. I pray every day that something good happens, so that we can go back home. I know we have to be here, for now, though.
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self.offmychest
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My medication will run out before my next appointment! Okay so i just scheduled a doctors appointment for Monday and it's friday morning now...
So I take inderol aka Propononol, and it's a beta blocker that blocks the physical symptoms of anxiety. So in short, it makes your heart not beat as heavy, lowers your blood pressure, and takes your adrenaline and fear right out of you.. But This is my first month taking it and I've been taking 1/4th the dose a few times a day and I didnt take it for 12 hours..
So after not taking it I wokeup and had a HUGE panic attack, and I couldn't breathe or do anything.. I could feel my body just freaking out as if I was on speed or something.. And you know how panic attacks are usually short lived? Well since my body is now addicted to being helped 24/7 from this heart medication, It wouldn't even be a legit panic attack it would be far worse, somethin that would last days at a time to the point where I literally think it might fuck up my breathing and whatnot and kill me..
My body is literally addicted to this crap PHYSICALLY and I was looking up how it can literally kill you if you miss doses.. Because your heart will work A LOT harder and your blood pressure out of nowhere will just sky rocket higher then it should etc..
I called an ER and I called a retarded urgentcare place.. The urgentcare said they probably won't fill my prescription, I even explained how it isn't a narcotic its literally a medicine for heart rythm and whatnot.. and she waas just being a bitch saying "OKAY BRING UR BOTTLE IN AND ITLL SLIGHTLY UP UR CHANCE"
And the guy at the local ER said i should ask a pharmacy to help me out.. But I think the ER will help me if I go there and explain its fucking a heart med, I'd only need like 2 more pills to get me through until I get my refill etc..
Luckily I found an extra 15 mg on my floor that I dropped sometime ago, SWEET.
This stuff is no joke though, your body wanting to go into overdrive and you can't do anything to stop it etc that's a scary feeling lol.
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self.Anxiety
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convinced i'm stupid I don't know where to go, who to talk to – and it doesn't really matter anyways since I've spoken with a lot of friends and I seem incapable of even applying their advice and assurances.
I'm realizing I've gone through life without any direction. I've gone through life following orders, doing well in school based on last-minute cram studying and being told I'm smart and believing it. Now, I'm a couple years out of a prestigious university and completely failing at life – and by that, I mean I am afraid of literally everything.
I can't focus at the program I'm studying at to transition to a different work field. Conversations get distorted in my head. I feel incapable and stupid. I'm rambling and I'm so sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I literally holed myself in a room right now to prevent a panic attack. I just feel hopeless. I feel like a fraud. I feel like quitting everything. I tell myself positive things everyday and try to get amped up but then I fail repeatedly and feel like a total failure. I don't take criticism well and can't function around people anymore.
I don't believe I have control over my life. I want to, desperately, but I see my efforts aren't really much. They're the best I can do, but they're so insufficient that effort doesn't matter. I feel insufficient. I feel pathetic. I feel afraid of everything and even having my friends eventually get annoyed or hopeless that I'm going to "get better".
My friends and boyfriend all seem smarter than me. And they probably are. It's just hard to swallow that. I've tried to get rid of high expectations, but I don't know what to strive for then. My current life experiences all feel irrelevant and stupid and I just wish this feeling would go away. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life at all. I feel illogical. I am illogical.
I'm sorry. This is a panic attack. I don't think this is where I should post this or if I should even post it at all... But I'm so desperate for any kind of assurance. Even guidance is not helping me. I seriously don't know what to do. I'm literally afraid of myself.
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self.Anxiety
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Lamictal Side Effects? So I'm pretty sedated on my current cocktail (Saphris and Cymbalta) and thinking about asking my pdoc about dumping it and going back on lamictal. I've taken so many meds over the years that I forget what my experience on lamictal was, aside from the fact that it pretty much worked.
Those of you on lamictal -- side effects? Weight gain? I really need to know about weight gain, my primary care doc wanted me to discuss a med change with my pdoc in large part because of ap related weight gain. Any sedation? What else can y'all tell me?
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self.bipolar
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I need help. Really bad. So, I haven't been truly happy for what feels like ages. I haven't gone through anything really bad, but I know I am not happy. Of late, I have started getting panic attacks, and I start crying at the drop of a needle or if anybody does the tiniest kind thing for me. I know I need help, but where I live in India, therapy is very expensive and I can't afford it. I've been trying to read some books which will help - currently I am reading Learned Optimism.
I feel really really lost. I was a super smart kid, and my family thinks I could've done much better with my life. I am pretty and I do have friends. And even though my family pressurises me a bit, I am really loved and supported. I even broke off my relationship coz I wasn't happy. It was probably not due to him, but I knew I needed to be by myself to sort my shit out.
I don't know what to do.
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self.depression
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Shopping with the best friend and feeling really sad. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I have been wanting to die for years It all started when I left high school for college. College is horrible. Tried to make friends. I had many friends and acquaintances in high school. Now I am almost done with college and I have not made a single friend. I am always rejected. Being lonely all the time is the worst. My grades are not the best. Each semester I keep doing worse. At this point in my life I would really like to die. I almost got into a car accident that would have resulted in me dying. A part of me wishes that the two big rig trucks would have hit me because I definitely would have died.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Some songs I like when I feel sad at night [deleted]
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self.depression
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What is the lowest possible dose of invega sustenna? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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How can I tell my mom I think I’m depressed? Title says all. I’ve been feeling pretty bad for months. I don’t know how to tell people. I’m afraid they’ll think differently of me.
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self.depression
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2017 was the year I failed a subject for the first time in my academic career (after being an honor student since elementary), lost touch with some friends who didn't bother doing more than replying, and found out my dad has stage 4 cancer Any ideas on how to cope for 2018? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Does anyone just do stuff to keep their mind occupied? I'm what you call high functioning I guess, so when I go out, I just try to keep myself occupied. Currently, I'm designing ~20 posters for intramural things, designing a book I probably won't write, and learning Dutch. So far, depression is only kicking me in the butt at night, which is a huge improvement. Just posting in case it helps other people
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self.depression
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Why am i told not to give up? I'm trans and regardless of how you feel about that everyone knows that I'm less able to be loved. I'm so emotionally damaged I can't form healthy relationships. And I'm so pathetic that even my few friends are tired of me.
Everyone tells me that I should stop caring about other people's opinions. But they also tell me I shouldn't kill myself because I'm going to hurt the few people I have.
I could've been a professional football player with my musculature and still I beg the world to see me as a girl. I understand that I'm not but my brain doesn't and I can't do anything about that.
I live only a few blocks from a gun shop and honestly that's just about the only sign from God I've ever believed in.
I just don't want to exist knowing how disgusting I am of a creature. Hardly even able to be called human.
I'm only scared that I'm gonna be the .6 % who fucks up a shotgun suicide.
I don't want to hurt I just want to be gone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why should I live? When I ask this question, everyone wants me to live for them. I want to live for myself but I can't see a reason. I want to be happy but I cannot be. My mother constantly belittles me. I told her I was depressed and all she said was, "Stop being sad." I wish it was that easy. I feel like a disappointment and failure. I'm in so much pain and I don't want to continue.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't enjoy things anymore I no longer listen to my once-favourite songs, no longer enjoy coding and I don't know why.
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self.offmychest
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I used to shun people for saying they wanted to die. It's a guilty confession, now that I'm the one thinking about it all myself. So many things are written off as attention seeking, or simply there to cause drama. When in reality, mental illness is such a complex and deeply painful thing that reaching out for help is.. Nearly all you can do at some points. And I remember, turning people down because they were too 'depressing' or they were 'annoying'. Now, I know how it feels to be turned down when you're at your worst. When you really want to die, but you finally take the initiative of asking someone for help. The feeling it gives when you're called attention seeking, or annoying. I understand now, and I ask all of you to make sure you never do that to another person. Because they might stop talking about it, they might seem happy.. But something else I've learned is this;
If you can't be happy, and that hurts everyone around you. Why not just pretend? It's easier, possible, and everyone else is happy.
The common posts that say "the most quiet people hurt the most". No. They are the people who are still figuring out if they should ask for help or not. The people who gave up already are the ones who are never themselves.
Hard to pin down, and now I'm rambling but.
I don't want to see anyone else go that way, so please keep this advice in mind. Take people's problems seriously.
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self.SuicideWatch
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So tired of everyone getting at me My nana constantly gets at me because I don't leave my room until four in the afternoon and don't do anything, yet fails to realise that I'm not well and don't leave my room or do anything because I have no motiviation. My grandad has a go at me because I had to reset the internet router. My friends are constantly giving me shit. My parents and sister don't even talk to me. My ex is too busy with her new fucking boyfriend to even acknowledge I exist unless he's not around so she logs into my facebook to check up on me.
Oh and my family are all annoyed with me because I don't wanna spend Christmas at my uncles. I'd rather spend it with my ex than them but that's not possible, so I'm gonna spend it alone. If I go with them I'll be sat there all miserable and they'll try getting me to cheer up, but they don't stop to think that maybe I can't be cheered up and there's no fucking way I'm gonna pretend to be happy for them. Why should I?
I'm so fucking tired. I can't deal with it anymore. Fuck this world. Fuck everyone. They're gonna be sorry when I'm gone. Really can't wait until New Years. If they understood just how much I'm hurting myself by staying here now so I don't ruin their Christmas, they might think differently about giving me grief 24/7.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How to explain my depression to old friends? 10 months ago I dropped out of high school. I was in a really bad place (had constant suicidal thoughts,a few attempts) and severed my connection with everyone I knew in high school because I didn't want to face reality. I rarely left my room, didn't speak to anyone except my parents and wanted to just disappear . Fast forward to present day and I'm happy to say I'm a lot better now, I still have a lot of anxiety but no suicidal tendencies anymore. I recently decided to text some of my old friends and see if we could meet up, but I'm starting to regret that decision. They asked what I've been doing all this time and when I said nothing they seemed a bit annoyed ("well isn't that nice", "I wish I had that option" ect.) I understand what it looks like from their point of view but I have been fighting one of the hardest battles of my life and I've come so far in these past ten months, before I couldn't even go outside and now I'm out looking for work everyday. How do I explain to them why it took me so long to get to this stage and why I didn't contact them until now without seeming like I'm attention seeking/looking for sympathy?
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self.depression
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One of the worst nights I had Yesterday, was an awful night for me, but specially for my mom.
Around 11:30 my mom was going to sleep and suddenly felt a huge pressure in her chest and told me she couldn't breath. I told her to calm down and sit and rest until she felt it was better, then suddenly she came back and told me the pain wasn't going anywhere.
My mom had similar issues in various occasions and I usually gave her some water or told her to read or walk until she felt better, but yesterday was different, it literally felt as if she was struggling to breathe.
I called 911 and an ambulance came in around 15 to 20 minutes. In the meantime, I was clueless about what to do and It felt like the largest time of my life and believe me I wish someone else would have been here to help us. We don't have any family to call, it's just me and my mom so I didn't knew who to call.
In the hospital my mom got better after they put her a serum and gave her some medicines. The doctor said it was a thing related to nerves and that explained why there wasn't anything wrong with her heart or with it's blood sample.
It was a rough night and I couldn't get much sleep, specially when the doctor said we could go and I had to try to take a cab at 3:00 a.m and it was hard. I felt like if I was going to cry at some moment but I didn't, mostly because I didn't wanted my mom to feel worried.
Now, I'm just happy my mom is getting better. Apparently most of what happened yesterday was due to stress so I'm helping my mom with all I can to make her feel better.
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self.offmychest
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I just had the best week of my life, but now I’m back to wanting to die Over Winter Break, I went to my best friends house. I stayed there for 10 days and we hung out with a lot of people. One of my best friends since 2nd grade and a bunch of new people. I felt so comfortable, all my anxiety and sadness went away. I easily talked to the 4 girls we hung with and the 3 guys. We went to a New Years party with 4 girls and 4 guys (including me). I talked to everyone without fear and I was making everyone laugh, one of the girls even said, “You’re my favorite person to play (cards) with”
I had only talked to like 2 of these people before. Then we all hung out again and I was alone with 2 girls for about 30 minutes. I was joking around and everyone was laughing. Now, I’m back home and I want to die again. I’m basically just holding out until Summer Break and hope to stay there for over a month. I met someone who is now a very good friend of mine and got a girls number. My parents thought that I was being over dramatic about moving. Other people do to, I mean it happens to a lot of people, so why am I such a pussy about it?
I just hope to live long enough to see everyone again
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self.depression
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Taking Buspar as needed when you already take Buspar daily I take 15mg of Buspar twice daily, once in the morning and once in the late afternoon. I know many people don't think it works, but for me it does. I found that it works at stopping basic anxiety and paranoid thoughts, but isn't so great at stopping panic attacks or when you get more anxiety than usual due to something happening. It's good at managing anxiety and paranoia, but it's not a miracle drug that will eliminate panic attacks and event-based anxiety.
But what if I take an additional Buspar dose as needed when those situations arise? Let's say I take my morning dose, but then something happens during the day before my late afternoon/early evening dose that gives me a panic attack or extreme anxiety. Could I take a dose of Buspar then to help alleviate it, and then take my normal second dose at its normal time? Has anyone tried this?
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self.Anxiety
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I don't want to sound cliché, it hurts my chest when its cliché I tried to kill myself today, my sister saw me. and screamed. I probably scarred her for life. My mom is coming back in like an hour and I don't know what to do. My sister is going to tell my other sisters and my mom and I don't know what to do. I'm so scared. My mother gets furious when she doesn't understand. Oh god she's here. Oh nvm, I thought I heard the lock turning. When my mother gets mad, everything hits the fan. She's going to send me away because she wont know what to do with me. She's going to think its her fault, she is going to think she's a failure, she's going to think I'm a failure. I don't want her to feel bad, I don't want her to feel like its her fault. It's my fault. I'm the reason why I feel this way. I don't want any of my family to feel they are the reason. I'm so so so scared of what my mother and what she will do. I need advice, please help me. I don't know what to do. I just want to learn how to not be so like, sad. I don't want to use the word "depressed" because I don't know if I am. Help please
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self.SuicideWatch
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Can't even go to school anymore I don't know. It feels like that the one thing that gives me the worst anxiety and depression is school. Every time I think about school I feel hopeless. Having to interact with people, concentrate, aim for good grades and just everything. I decided to skip school today and probably tomorrow but I know I can't keep avoiding it forever. And I just hate it so much.
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self.depression
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Stuck in life My friends are going to college and university while I do nothing. Most of them are in relationships and are pretty happy with life. Seeing this just always make me think of what the future may hold but all I see is hopelessness. I used the last of my hope and willingness to try to be happy and have a future. I got myself a job even tho it's minimum wage and then I tried my hand at tinder/online dating. After mouths of doing this I just gave up never went on a date and only ever talk to 3 or 4 people. That was about in September and now I don't see a future for myself or anything else. my days are now just spent being depressed and working. I just don't see the point in trying anymore.
EDIT: Spelling
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self.depression
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The rope was too long, I couldn't hang myself So do I just go insane from pain now I guess?
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self.SuicideWatch
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My depression has gone passive but... So my depression, which started 3 years ago, has gone quite passive.
Back then, it would occured every week and at times every 2-3 days. Now, it still there but fading, occured only 1 once per month or every 2 months.
Im glad. Im glad I survived to this point. Im glad for my unbreakable will prevent me from ending myself. Despite all stuff that happened in my life, I still lives and Im proud.
I've become happier nowadays, don't often feel lonely now but
I just wish right now I have somebody close by my side. Somebody that i can talk daily, that i can call best friend, that being so supportive and like me for who I am. I dont think its too much to ask but I guess its impossible for me to even have 1 person huh
Ironic isn't it? For someone that don't really feel lonely anymore actually still alone without anybody by his side
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self.depression
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An important insight I learnt about not fleeing from what you're anxious of Have just finished reading Rewire Your Anxious Brain, and learnt quite a bit about the process of anxiety in the brain. How the cortex and amygdala are involved, and the different types of anxiety.
Anyway, we all know about the flight or fight response, and the importance of facing our fears and anxieties. What I learnt from this book however, is that whenever we flee from something we're anxious about, we reinforce that anxiety. So we may go home and try and prepare ourselves and correct our thinking, but the moment we flee from an anxiety, we're just reinforcing it. Facing that anxiety and allowing the anxious feelings are the best way to overcome that anxiety, and convince ones brain that there's nothing to worry about.
This really hit home with me, because it's the first time I clicked that giving in to anxious thoughts can actually be counterproductive to dealing with those thoughts.
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self.Anxiety
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My body is my prison
I am tired of the maintenance. I am tired of the work that it requires. It is an assault that never lets up. I am a slave in chains crawling along the edge of a precipice. I am at the mercy of hormones and brain chemicals. I could go practically forever without food, but my body won't allow that. I have no free will because I am separate from my body. I am not this fragile blood bag. What I am, is trapped. This is a trap. I need control. I need a break from my body because it is that upsetting. A break from the pain and uncomfortable sensations. A break from constantly being "on". A break from the weight. I'm too tall to not feel heavy, even though I'm skinny. The heaviness is exhausting to the extreme. Nobody can tell it's a battle just to keep myself upright. Literally upright. This is where I'm at. I'm tired of wanting what I can't have. I want a way out of this situation. This is unreal. This life has been a series of blows, one after another. There's nothing left to hit. Nothing but shreds. There's zero energy left. I can barely (unwillingly) fight for scraps like everyone else. I wouldn't lift a finger to prevent dying. Stay alive for what. Suck air for what. I went. Let me go like I'm not already gone. I've learned that it gets worse and I won't allow myself to be around for experiencing that. Most people are clueless. Moving from one task the next. They have a sense of identity with their body. Like it's theirs. I am not one of those people. When I look in the mirror and see the reflection staring back I feel cheated. I feel shortchanged. I can't "relate" to this body. It's only familiar because it's what I'm used to. I don't care what happens to my body because it's not "mine". I claim no ownership. Lately I've been feeding myself only because I absolutely have to. I am forced to do something I don't want to do and have no control over which is unacceptable. I cannot accept such an unwarranted prolonging of suffering. I hate eating and would never do it if I didn't have to. Food slows me down in different ways. I wish humans didn't need food to live. Again, no control. I don't want to put things inside my body. I don't want to worry about my next "meal". Being in a body in this world makes me crazy. It makes me crazy just being here. Not even the struggling part. It's the control aspect. I feel powerless and I can't live like that. I feel completely compromised. How could I, for even one second, think I'm free. There's nothing to back that up. Actual nothing.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why is suicide not an option again? Excluding the presence of all religious beliefs, why is suicide not an option again? In a competitive and connection-based society such as America, with sometimes little financial mobility if you're given the wrong set of cards, it would make sense to kill oneself. From a realistic standpoint, if I'm already at the bottom yet trying my hardest in school or work and I see no progress, why not allow me to kill myself? I don't think I care about the opportunities life has. I am inferior/seen as inferior in many ways, half of which were due to just being born. I don't see a point, yet I try to help other see the point. Kind of hypocritical of me. It is also hypocritical to make this post yet take a month to make a plan and/or I'll feel better in 6 hours because I'm stupid and emotionally unstable.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm exhausted Hello.
It's almost 2 am and I can't sleep. My mind is filled with suicidal thoughts, as it has been for the past few months.
I've been searching again and again for a truly reliable method to end it (I don't want to survive and suffer from after-effects that will leave me in an even worse state than now).
But I can't and I feel stuck. I wish I could just make a decision already and either decide to try and live, or die and be done with it, instead of being stuck in that endless loop of constant pain where I just feel bad and want to die.
I tried to commit suicide twice when I was younger, but I was more "naive" or rather just less informed than I am now I guess, and ended up waking in a hospital. I genuinely thought I would die from what I did at the time, but ended up being dismissed as a stupid person that was just trying to attract attention (cause "people who really want to off themselves use more radical methods"). I wasn't. To this day I still wish I had succeeded back then.
Every time I picture killing myself in a particular way I end up looking for the specific way to put it in practice but also the success percentage associated with the method and that puts me off because the chances of surviving feel far too high. I don't want to wake up in a hospital again. I don't want to wake up at all.
So then I feel trapped, and even more depressed than when I started my search. I also feel extremely stupid not being able to find a sure way to kill myself every time I read about a suicide.
I'm just so tired. After more than 10 years of depression I feel I deserve peace and a dignified death. I tried and fought enough, now I'm exhausted and don't have any strength left to fight some more. Every night I wish I won't wake up. If there was a magic pill that would kill me with 100% efficiency I would take it in a heartbeat.
I don't even know why I decided to write here tonight. Do I still have hope? Do I just feel lonely? I don't know.
I'm exhausted. I just wish there was something meaningful in my life and not an overwhelming urge to die to end all this suffering.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm afraid my anxiety will prevent me from ever dating or starting a family Just an FYI, I'm currently only 16, so I've got a while to improve and I may be overreacting, but the way my anxiety around girls has gotten worse over time is making me worried. When I was younger, I could talk to girls easily and even "dated" them (I know, dating at that young isn't real dating, but it felt like it). Anyways, as I've gotten older, it's gotten harder and harder for me to talk to any girls, let alone any I like, making it virtually impossible for me to even try to date. The only way I can talk to them is if they talk first, and even then I can't bring up the subject of dating. Added onto that is my fear of physical contact, which goes so far as to me avoiding most hugs from my own family, and my trust issues, and I'm getting pretty nervous about my ability to date or start a family when I get older unless my anxiety lessens.
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self.Anxiety
|
I can't stand the noise I woke up and I kept hearing my dad eating food and I put on clothes and they were all torn and I finally found this uncomfortable purple shirt after trying on five other clothes and
I keep hearing my mom slam cupboards and the fridge door and I keep hearing her use her fork to eat food and I keep hearing her footsteps downstairs
and yesterday the cops came here cuz someone two houses down, buried their dead mother and now they got in jail, and my mom keeps making jokes all of yesterday and today telling me that I should move in there and
I'm so annoyed at the noise and someone on the aspiefriends discord said they told me how to make my room sound-proof but I said I was "too lazy to do it" and I forgot I said it and it made me thankful that someone tried to help me sometime, before I got banned from aspiefriends and I'm banned from mentioning any of my problems in the aspergers discord
anyways I can't stand the noise, I keep hearing the TV from downstairs and my mom making noises, even though I'm upstairs with my door closed.
And my mom randomly says my name downstairs and they mad if I don't instantly come down and my brother opens my door and screams my name angerly if I don't hear them calling for me, but I just didn't hear them on friday night cuz that's when The Weeabootique server on team fortress 2 plays fun friday and they all do micspams
=(
edit: https://i.imgur.com/bqBuYgQ.png Arrrrgh
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self.Anxiety
|
done with morning panic attack...... sighhh..... ready for the next nonsense
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self.Anxiety
|
I had my first crash in months I began to take Wellbutrin a few months back and I was feeling okay for the first time in long time. I haven’t had one suicidal thought slip my mind until today and it’s consuming me. I can hardly function,I’m trying to play on my favorite video games but I can’t find enjoyment in it. Nothing is seeming to work and I just want it to stop. I just needed to get this off of my chest cause I know you guys understand,thank you listening.
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self.bipolar
|
I told my mom I want to kill myself and she got mad [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I Want To Die Happy If I attempt, I sort of want it to be my happiest moment.
For awhile, I haven't really been proud of my accomplishments. No one else really is or they take credit so I feel always lacking. Other than the occasional good writing piece that was praised or doing good for others.
I sort of want to buy all the foods I avoided on my diet. Takis. Sugar cookie dough. Chocolate Milk.
Then I just want to put on good videos. Laugh. Alternate with the pills and the food, as if it's nothing. Ride the pain and just kind of let it become a back thought. I also want it to be on Friday. After classes.
Call me a perfectionist and anxiety ridden, but I want to feel like I turned in assignments kind of like a "done for the day/done for this life" deal. So I don't have a fear of "great you failed and you d idnt finish the homework."
I just want to have everything ready and send off money to friends in need. To pass out to funny videos that I'll probably end up crying through, but at least die listening to the McElroy brothers or something that's just good hearted and warm.
I want my room clean so that eventually the people come in and they can donate things or sell them or throw it away easier
I want a neatly typed and signed and dated form requesting who they give what to. I'll probably do some legal research so I can confirm what goes where. (Tho some the debt collectors will take. That's fine. Their money anyway).
I want it all organized. I want to feel like I prepared my death bed for a peaceful one.
It won't be peaceful. I have a high tolerance to toxins (dads genetics). So I'll probably do some tonight and spend more time than necessary in the cold. Eat less. Try and weaken that ole immune system.
Mail off the gifts I've been waiting on mailing.
So that Friday night while the halls become loud, my neighbor blasts her music, I can just finally be done with it all.
Sounds so much better. 12x better then when I attempted out of fear for my life. (Ironic, fearing someone will beat and make your life hell, make you feel worse, so you try to take yours to save yourself from them).
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I think one of my main fears is that I'm not depressed...just lazy
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self.depression
|
weekends dont mean anything anymore they used to be something to look forward to, an exciting reward because i could just. stay in and sleep. but now every day is like the last and i really dont care, theyre just a reminder that the week is over and i didnt even feel it
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self.depression
|
What’s the drug you’re not supposed to take with lithium? Is it acetaminophen or ibuprofen? I can’t remember.
|
self.bipolar
|
I´m tired of existing I don´t want to kill myself, but im really tired of all, i want just to stop existing, just dissapear wit no pain for me or my beloved ones.
But nothing motivates me, i´m empty with no will to live.
i´m tired of pretending that im ok, or cant talk with anybody about this.
i don´t know what to do,or handle it. is like the suicide is the only way,, or at leat the easy one.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Panic attacks in my sleep I'm just so tired. I keep having panic attacks, moreso lately than I have in a long time. I don't have any medication for it so I just have to suffer through them. The last one I had, I reached out to a friend for comfort for once in my life and he was annoyed with me and it made it even worse.
Tonight I got 2hrs into my sleep and started feeling the anxiety while I was asleep until I woke up in my panic attack.
I just want some relief. I'm gonna try going back to a psychiatrist but for now I just need something. Any ideas?
Currently I've been keeping a handle on the anxiety/depression through meditation, exercising, eating very clean, drinking tea, trying to get good amount of sleep every night, and trying to breathe and think through them.
My anxiety attacks usually aren't very bad because I can tell what caused them, so I can rationalize through them, and they're usually so minor nobody can tell I'm having one. My panic attacks are so much worse, I feel like I'm going to die without any explanation why.
Tl;Dr: I've been having panic attacks in my sleep. I just want some relief.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’ve been in a depressive dip and am struggling to get out of it. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Beginning to test the waters of suicide Been waking up at around 3-4 AM the past couple of weeks with thoughts of suicide. I’ve told my mom as well as my doctors/therapist but they don’t really say much when I bring it up.
It is now 5 AM and I have tied a neck tie around my neck just to test how the pressure will feel if I go through with it. I’m getting used to it. I can see it happening within the next few days.
My flame has just gone out.
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self.depression
|
Does anyone else get really anxious about their personal belongings breaking? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
How did you guys choose a 'career'? I'm considering going to University next year. My plan was to do a Bachelor of Finance but the thought of it is making me depressed already. I don't think I am the type of person cut out for finance. I am shy and think I would hate an office environment. I think I would hate the 9-5 grind as well. I think I would be happiest working for myself somehow, but that seems like an unlikely dream. Everyone tells me to get a degree but nothing I could study excites me at all.
I am nearly 20, nearly 21 now and I have wasted the last 2-3 years of my life doing nothing and I feel like I need to do something but nothing really captures my interest. I have thought of doing a trade such as becoming an electrician but I'm not sure that's for me either.
|
self.depression
|
I just broke up with our girlfriend the week of our 1 year anniversary. I feel awful. Our one year anniversary is this week. She made me a card and had plans to take me to the petting zoo. We had plans for my birthday, plans for the holiday, and plans to move out of state together in a few months. Now everything is torn apart. I feel like I don't know what to do with my life, but I had to end this relationship for me. And I don't know how I'll pay rent without her living here anymore. I don't know how I'll sleep alone after having her by my side for the last year. Fuck.
I guess I should give some back story on why I broke up with her. We have been having this recurring problem where she feels like I don't do enough for her, and then explodes on me about it. It's usually little things, like I didn't ask if she wanted food on my way home because I had plans with my friend and didn't think I'd be seeing her that night. And that translates to her as me being very unthoughtful because I got food for myself but not her. Unfortunately these things don't always occur to me. Last night she asked for a ride while I was working from home, so I offered to get her an uber, and she blew up on me calling me "so goddamn selfish". Or if I didn't text her back quick enough, she'd conclude I didn't love her. I am very independent and value my alone time, and what she needed was constant reassurance from me. We had many talks about what she needs in a relationship, and what I can realistically provide emotionally and physically at this point in my life.
I have been somewhat emotionally numb since my mom died a year ago, and yes maybe I have been more focused on trying to repair myself than the relationship. My love language is more quality time together, and less acts of service. Hers is definitely acts of service - she always was doing nice things for me like making me dinner, drawing me pictures, or getting me my favorite beer. But the quality time didn't matter so much to her. But then she used those nice things she did for me as leverage against me in arguments to prove that she does more in the relationship, and all I do is take. Which I personally feel isn't true.
For the last few months, my romantic feelings for her haven't been there and I can't quite explain why. I tried to ignore this and push through because I didn't want to lose her. But at some point I just stopped being able to see myself with her long term. That excitement of being in love was overshadowed by all of the petty arguing until it slowly just disappeared. I feel so awful, because she stormed out of our house bawling and saying she will never forgive me. Ultimately I feel like I did what is best for myself, and she deserves someone who can give her all of the emotional attention she needs. And I think I just need to be alone, work on the PTSD I have from watching my mom die, and stop this cycle of guilt for being emotionally checked out of the relationship...
But watching her beg me to give her another chance through all the tears just broke me tonight. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I was her world, and I know she loved me so much. I don't know what's wrong with me why I couldn't just feel that love and be content with it. She promised she would stop critiquing me for every little thing and stop focusing only on the negatives, but I've been in enough relationships to know people don't just change. I feel so so awful though. She's truly a wonderful person and the best partner I've ever had (although I've only had abusive relationships in the past). I am so sad and don't know who to talk to.
TL;DR: I broke up with my girlfriend of almost a year because her idea of me became that I'm selfish and unthoughtful. And my romantic feelings stopped a while ago unexplainably. I feel awful because she is a wonderful person.
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self.offmychest
|
I finally scheduled the appointment I have wanted the IUD for over 5 years but have been too scared to get it from horror stories I hear online. I don't want kids and I'm tired of always being afraid of getting pregnant. I scheduled it for next Tuesday. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted just by getting it scheduled and making things go into motion.
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self.offmychest
|
I'm depressed and my fiancé has struggled to tell me why he loves me. Today he told me he loves me the same as a dog we adopted 8 months ago. We've been together 8 years. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
My mum just died and my whole world feels like its falling away. I'm going to quit my job and possibly have to cancel my dream wedding. My heart is broken and I cant cope. I miss her so much. My biggest fear for the longest time was that my mother would die. I've spent so long wanting to make her life better as she had a pretty crap life. She gave up so much and was happy with so little. I'm an only child and due to a family breakdown we became really close just the two of us. We were best friends.
3 years ago I met an amazing guy, we moved in together and mum had to find somewhere else to live. (she had been staying with me but due to previous illness stopped working and got stuck with me) I always felt guilty that she had to move out, i didn't like her new apartment and felt bad that she didn't have more money to afford something better. I just so desperately wanted to live a bit more like a grown up (I was 30). My partner and I got engaged 10 months ago and were planning our wedding for May next year. I never thought i'd ever meet someone so amazing and that one day i'd get married.
Mum was so happy that I had found an amazing person, she loved him and was excited about our wedding. I have always had a hard time enjoying good things as I've always been so scared of things going wrong (learnt response). We went wedding dress shopping and talked about all of the things i'd get to do. The day was practically planned out in my head with all of the pretty pictures.
My mum was slightly off for only a couple of weeks before seeing a GP about swollen legs. Two days later blood test results showed very high white blood cell count and a dis-functioning liver. We immediately went to the hospital. After numerous tests they finally told us that she had 'a mass' in her liver that was most likely cancer. That's when everything changed. After 2 horrible weeks in a horrible hospital they said that it had already metastasized and her liver was full of tumors, no surgical option. She proceeded to get sicker and sicker until they finally moved her to a better hospital. After only 3 weeks all together they finally had done all of the tests which determined that they couldn't treat it and that she probably only had weeks to live. Later that afternoon my partner and I went to get something to eat. I had only quickly said 'see you soon' and i love you' she smiled said she loved me too and poked her tongue out. That was the last thing she said to me. Whilst we were away she was given some stronger drugs to help with the pain and she fell asleep. We left a couple of hours later.
The next day they called me saying i had to return to hospital as she was not doing well. When I got there she was unable to talk, struggled to open her eyes and attached to tubes which she wasn't the day before. Her body was shutting down. All of a sudden I was talking to them about what happens when she dies and was there anyone that would like to come in. Mum hadn't really told anyone she was sick and we didn't really have time.
My partner and I stayed with her all night, no sleep but letting her know we were there. They said she could still hear. The next day the doctor said that it maybe today or possibly tomorrow but she would hopefully just slip away. It was Friday afternoon and everyone (almost) that knew had said their goodbyes. On the nurses assurance my partner went home to get clothes and the like. Before he left he asked to be alone with her to say goodbye just in case. Everyone knew we were meant to be getting married and how much mum loved him. He told her he would look after me and not to worry. That he loved her and me. He left.
I sat next to mum and said 'Ok, its just you and me now' I had been so scared she was trying to communicate but the drugs were too strong. I was worried she was holding on for something and in so much pain because of it. So I said, 'Mum, is there something you're waiting for me to say, something i havent said yet?' She turned her head to me and for want of a better word, grunted and tried to lift her arms. It was so clear that she was trying to answer, so obvious to me. I know her so well. I couldn't think of what to say and then it hit me like the most horrible lightning bolt. I asked her was she wanting me to forgive her? She grunted and jerked her head as if to say yes. I confirmed, 'was that it" and she did the same thing. Every time I asked her a question she would respond the same way. It broke my heart. She was so upset that she thought she had ruined our wedding, this is why everyone knew I was getting married because she would tell them how sad she was about it. Of course I said she was forgiven because there was nothing to forgive. It wasn't her fault and that i loved her more than anything. She calmed down a little and I told her that it was ok if she had to go. Holding her hand, moments later she died. She was 67.
It wasn't as calm as I was hoping, it was quite sudden and a little traumatizing, her mouth dropped open and her eyes rolled back. I heard the final 'click' in her throat and then she was gone. I called the nurse in as my partner was still on his way back. They came in and stood next to me, arm around me, still holding mums hand. She twitched, twice and scared the shit out of me. Apparently that happens. I was so shaken. They tidied her up and i got to sit quietly with her. She was yellow (jaundice) and cold and quiet. The next 3 hours we sat with her, i laid my head on her pillow and hugged her like i used to not that long ago when i was sad and needed my mum. I need her now. I prepared slightly knowing she was going but now that shes gone I don't know what to do.
My wedding is planned for 6 months but instead i have to plan her memorial. She was quite private and quiet but as I'm now finding out, loved by so many more. She volunteered at a local hospital for the last 8 years and everyone is so upset that they have had to plan a morning tea and send out counselor information. Everyone is so distraught that they are all reaching out to me and as the only one I'm struggling to play all rolls.
I cant bare to think about having my wedding without her there. She was so central to the whole thing. I know she'd be so sad if i cancelled but i just don't want to do it without my mum. I don't really know what to do with anything, i haven't been able to do as much as i possibly should. My partner has emptied her rental apartment and taken care of a lot of paperwork where he can. I have decided to quit my job as its at a cancer registry and i just don't want to be around that. I need a break. I need my mum.
EDIT: Wow, I'm completely lost for words. When I posted this I was struggling to sleep and needed to get the whirling words and overwhelming thoughts out of my head. I thought maybe if I put them down in writing and by sending it out into the either of the anonymous internet it may help to alleviate some of static. I was not expecting to wake up to such an amazing outpouring of support and well wishes. It's taken me quite a long time to read through them all in between the tears. Thank you for sharing your stories and suggestions and hugs.
My amazing fiancé and I have been talking and trying to work out what we're going to do. We feel a little clearer and have started to reassess our priorities a bit. This is not a situation we wanted to have to deal with but we're slowly taking steps together to do what's best for us.
I still cry and feel sick and miss her so much but I know that no matter what we decide she will be happy that we have done what's right for us. That's all she ever cared about.
Love you mum.
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self.offmychest
|
How can I better communicate with my partner who won't tell me when they're frustrated with me? They won't tell me when I do things that frustrate or anger them, they just ignore me until they forget about it. This is I assume, mostly out of anxiety. They're just "really bad" at opening up about those kind of thoughts and it leaves me in the dark about so many things.
Which in turn, makes me think I'm doing everything wrong now, because how am I supposed to know? I do everything with the best of intentions and out of love but I hear about it like months later that they hated the gestures I was trying to get across and it's making me feel worse, help.
|
self.Anxiety
|
My whole family is actually the source why I am depressed and suicidal. Realized that after 5 years of intrusive thoughts. I need to isolate myself from them and become independent. Thats basically it. I would be better if I wouldnt be around my family or living with them. If I could die instanseously without pain now, I would probably do it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The biggest thing keeping me alive is coming to an end soon. I don't know what this means for me. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Im terrified to go on anti depressants but i know i need them.. I'm afraid of the downs they can bring. The whole "may cause increased thoughts of suicide" ordeal does not sit straight with me. And it can take someone years before they actually find the right medication for them. Does taking them just remove the sadness? Because if that's all they do, I would rather keep it.
I would rather be sad than empty.
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self.depression
|
I feel very confused. I can't get over my ex, but i want to move on and date someone else. Maybe I just need to find someone who will take my mind off my ex.
It's been 5 months, and we broke up only because she needed room to grow/be by herself for a while. We dated for a year and a half, and we were/are both young. I'm 22, she's 20 in a couple months. Obviously, it makes sense for anyone our age to need space to figure themselves out, and it wasn't a painless breakup, but we did it on good terms, I think. She still picks up my (used to be our) dog every so often when she has the chance, and we would both help each other if we ever needed it - however, I needed extra space to get over her, because I became attached.
She's such a wonderful person, kind, worldly, intelligent in ways she doesn't really understand, and to top it all off, drop-dead gorgeous in my opinion. She has so many traits that I respect, and some they were annoying, but that's normal. And it was the first time in my chaotic life, that I got to feel normal. I got to feel what true, human connection felt like. I long for that again.. but especially with her.
The only things that would make us incompatible, if we were to try again, would be that she wants to adopt kids (she probably shouldn't have kids, she gets tired of them and only wants them to have a mini-me), she's graysexual (I'm higher than average sexually, however I was content to go a month or two at a time without for her.), And she thinks she needs someone energetic (I think this is a growth thing, she was just as content to stay home, but she used constantly doing things or working to run away from her emotions and problems).
Pretty much all of that could change depending on how she matures. But I'm left feel emotionally confused, for perhaps the first time in my life.
A part of me wants to go on and find someone else, but another, enormous part doesn't want to give up on being with her. I can't stop thinking of her, even 5 months after we broke up. I constantly fight the urge and temptation to text her, ask how she is... As I know finding that stuff will only make my heart ache for her evermore.
One thing I know for certain, is that I hope with my entire being that she finds happiness in life, and that all of her hardships will pale in comparison to those she's already been through.
I love you. I wish I could be healthier and be a friend, but my heart is too weak to go back after falling for you.
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self.offmychest
|
Don't know why but as of late I've got no motivation to do anything at all. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Only thing i want from live. The only thing i want is a group of friends that i can hang out with. That's all. I feel so lonely especially on New Year's Eve when all the other persons i know are having fun, and it's depressing that nobody calls me to go out, some of the persons i know tell me about their plans and all but i never get an invitation, and i don't like to autoinvite myself.. I don't know what to do.
|
self.depression
|
Anyone try dialectical behavioral methods? I've been snapping this damn rubber band on my wrist like all day and it's just not enough. It's not suicidality or anything, just a compulsion to self-harm that I'm attempting to sublimate. I was wondering if anyone had some stories of what worked for them and what didn't. Heck, even CBT methods I'd be interested to hear. Especially about those related to bad habits and overcoming them. Thank you to anyone who shares!
|
self.depression
|
Just started paroxetine I'm also quiting marijuana and tabacco. I feel so tired. The anxiety is constant and kicks my guts. I cannot think and do my job.
Apparently it is common that the medication makes the thing worse at the beginning.
I hope that there's some light at the end.
In the meantime, I don't know what to do. Any advise from redditors who went through this?
Cheers
|
self.Anxiety
|
My Heart is breaking for my 5 year old daughter cries at school, challenging separation anxiety, and debilitating social anxiety limits enjoyment at birthday parties, engagement in dance, everything... my heart breaks... any suggestions to help her? She’s in play therapy once a week but haven’t seen noticeable change :(
We have a worry doll and box, practice being greatful and do cosmic kids yoga, i don’t force her to do things but her teachers express concerns about her and we were recently told not to continue doing dance because of her non participation and separation problems.
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self.Anxiety
|
constant blackouts with and without substances so i have been blacking out a lot lately. I thought it was due to drinking or substance abuse but recent events have lead me to believe that it is when my behavior is bad. Lately I have been getting in fights with my partner where, by the sounds of it, my behavior is inexcusable. I have basically no memory of these childish and pathetic stunts I pull. This has happened multiple times when I am stone sober. I just want to know if this is normal for someone with bipolar II or if I am losing my mind and need to seek out professional help. I have (2 months ago) completely come off all medication because it did not make me feel like a functional person, if that gives any insight.
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self.bipolar
|
Sometimes life sucks. That's just a fact. I might feel alone. I might feel worthless. I might feel weak. I might feel I will never find love.
But for feeling lonely, I know I have a few kick-ass people in my life that are there if I need them.
For feeling worthless, I know those amazing people don't believe that and I know I am happy with who I am. Now I need to work to prove my worth.
For feeling weak, I know everyone cries during their life. But I have a decision: sit in my sorrow or wipe the tears from my face and grow from the experience, reaching new heights.
For feeling I'll never find love, I'm only 21. There is plenty of time and I can have a conversation with a woman just fine. My time will come when the perfect girl reciprocates my feelings towards her.
Years down the line, when I've grown older, I'll have a woman in my arms who loves me, real friends who have seen me at my worst and know what I can do at my best, and I'll shed a tear, not from sadness, but from happiness that I never forgot to keep pushing back, to come back stronger each time.
Sometimes I just need to write it out to remind myself this.
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self.offmychest
|
Anyone else on imipramine? I’ve been taking a low dose of imipramine (25mg) since Friday for IBS and the side effects haven’t been pleasant. I was dizzy and drowsy on Friday, I’ve had some pins and needles sensations, and I’ve been very sweaty, which I’ve read all of that is normal. However, since yesterday, I’ve had an elevated heart rate and I’ve been more anxious and have had shaky hands. I know the drug lowers your blood pressure and that could be it.
I AM calling the doctor today, but I’m just wondering if anyone else has had a similar reaction to it.
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self.Anxiety
|
Depression has made me a great actress, and I'm exhausted I woke up this morning after going to a New Years party last night with people that I genuinely call my closest friends sad and alone. I love my friends but they don't know the real me. I feel like I'm always acting when I'm with them, trying to make them happy and desperately trying to make sure I never lose the one thing that keeps going, them. My depression has turned me into an actress and I don't know how to keep going.
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self.depression
|
Realisation I never expected to ever have to say anything like this.
I never really thought I had any problems with my emotions, I’ve lived all 19 years if my life not ever questioning if I had depression or anything like that. Well that was an till recently, I was recently talking to a good friend of mine, just about random things, but for some reason I just began to breakdown.
Let me say this I am 19 year old guy who is pretty big, around 6ft 2, and I just started crying. I honestly didn’t know what was going on, that’s not who I am you know. I’ve always been the guy other people come to when they are feeling down, but I just couldn’t stop crying.
It took her a while to calm me down, but in that time I started to think about a few personal things, and it made me realise, I am not actually happy and haven’t been for some time, I’ve been lying to myself and everyone around me. It was weird enough that I began to laugh in between crying. I hung up after that as I couldn’t bare for someone to hear me like that .
It has been about 2 days since then and it’s been getting worse, it’s like now I’ve realised how sad I am it has started to affect me. I came home from work on the first day crying and wanting to just crawl into my bed and let the day pass. The second day I called in I’ll from work, I looked like shit ya know. I didn’t want people to see this side of me.
It’s also now really hard for me to talk to this friend, I’ve been kind of ignoring her, because of what happened that night. I am worried about talking to her, she has a lot of her own problems, and I mean a lot, and I wouldn’t want to add to them you know.
It’s weird you know, I always had people asking me if I was alright, or if something was wrong. It’s kinda weird how they could notice something was up when I couldn’t.
Umm I’m not too sure for what I’m looking for here, maybe advice? I don’t know. Well I do know what I want, but I think now I’ve noticed it I can’t go back to not noticing it.
I should say, this is embarrassing for me, even when it’s anonymous, but I felt you guys might be able to give me some good advice.
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self.depression
|
Good news, Shitty news, Less Shitty news, and Good/Horrible ideas * **Good News**: I am finally out of my depressive episode that I have been dealing with for about a year! (other a 4 day medication induced hypomania that was quickly resolved by adding a typical antipsychotic) WOOT.
* **Better News**: I was offered a position that will be part of a 3 year national research project that will be working with the same population I am already working with - people with severe and persistent mental illness. Once I announced that I'd be leaving my current organization I found out that despite me not feeling like I fit in with my team due to our extremely different backgrounds and ages that they really DO value me as a team member and the contributions I have made to our program! I thought that this coupled with more daylight hours was contributing to my decrease in depressive symptoms.
* **Shitty News**: I am starting to notice yellow and red flags of swinging into hypomania; despite not taking my stimulant medication, and abstaining from caffeine I have had three hours of sleep in the past 3 days and am not tired. Tense body and jaw clenching, speaking at a faster pace than my baseline and being way more chatty than normal and last but not least; impulsive shopping for big ticket items that last one is more of a red flag.
* **Less Shitty News**: I had the cash to do it without spending bill money or putting it on my credit card and I still have enough in my accounts necessities until next payday
* **Good Idea**: Talking to my therapist about this tomorrow at my appointment and following up with my psychiatrist about this and trialing a new antipsychotic while starting a new job. Out of the 4 I have been on, only one did not turn me into a zombie. But I did develop temporary tardive dyskinesia after being on it for a few months so it was discontinued and the TD went away.
* ***Horrible Idea***: Not bringing this up so I can ride the wave at my last week at my current organization, and for the first few weeks at my new job.
*Quess which idea seems more appealing right now, as I am awake at 4am and I have an all clinic staff meeting at 8 with an hour and a half commute - in good weather.* I know what I ***should*** do but, goddamn, I just want a lil taste of it.
Edit: I do have some what of a crisis plan set up with my mom so that I don't spend ALL of my money or rack up credit card debt, wherein I get an agreed upon amount of cash for the week out of my checking account and she holds on to all of my cards so I cannot absolutely fuck myself and kiddo finacially.
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self.bipolar
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It's a Wonderful Wednesday! Maybe? Mid week check in 9.27 The maybe can refer to it maybe being a wonderful day, or maybe Wednesday, since it's actually Tuesday, and I guess Tuesday is maybe midweek for some ... So maybe anything!
Yes I'm cheating and posting this on Tuesday, shhh....
How's your week been going? If you posted goals on Sunday and need a [reminder](https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarReddit/comments/725twv/goal_setting_sunday_92417)
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self.bipolar
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20 year old loser I just want to start of saying that I understand my age and theres so much time ahead of me, but if I don't get this figured out, it's gonna fuck me up in the long run.
Alright, so basically, I hate myself, my habits, and my brain. I'll just give you a brief rundown of my life. I'm 20 years old and work a job with a bunch of drug addicts and another job in the food service.There is other random jobs I do helping doing construction, demo etc. I did not go to college and don't plan on it either. I'm really dumb and have short term memory loss and don't want to end up in the rat race because a rash decision I made going into a field I won't like. I also live at home still in a suburb with my broke family. It's my mom grandma and other siblings. My dad was an abusive drinker and drug user and came in and out of our lives growing up while we moved apartment to apartment not paying rent. That's no excuse for where I'm at btw I know people have had it way worse and still end up on top. I also didn't start working until I was 18 and I'm just realizing how much I hate myself for ever asking my mom for shoes or putting me in sports or going out with my friends when I was younger. I always thought we were okay because we lived around other people who were okay, if I could go back I'd be working full time as a 14 year old. Alright so my background is finished basically. Now lets get into my head. I've always been a weird kid looking back. I didn't talk much at all, it used to be shyness but now I just don't like talking to people, I had a few close friends and that was it, no other socializing was sought after. This lead to me never talking to girls, which lead to me having no confidence or self esteem when I really want to, like now. I'm emotionally unstable because I hate the position I'm in and that just stacks onto my lack of confidence because who the hell wants to talk with a guy who's emotionally weak, some might lie and say they will but they'll bang your buddy who's got everything going for them in the blink of an eye. I've seen it first hand with my friend. Ill let that be a segway. Jealousy and envy. My friend is extremely successful. Sure his whole family is also and that is to be expected but it still messes with me because how much better he is than me. It makes me wanna cry like the little bitc I am. He started working for his dads company when he was 16, I didn't find that out till recently btw, and his success was well deserved and well earned. It just sucks that theres nothing I can do to get that time back, he knows that it messes with my head to, Ill always be a few steps behind him and he rubs it in like Im his son you know. This is a guy that has more money than majority of people in their 30s and gets laid like a pronstar. And then theres me, the broke loser virgin who got himself into a terrible situation because he had no drive or brain to think about his future. I don't even know why I'm typing this shit tbh. I just hate myself for who I am and am jealous af of my friends. In retrospect I am just being a whiny bich. I don't know what I want from this, maybe another it's gonna be alright hug and a good luck. All I know is I gotta do something, and let me tell ya. Seeing successful people who didn't need school makes me want to do something without it too. I could easily learn a trade move out hit the gym get my own place and just start talking to people and be happy. But that wouldn't make me happy, because I dont give a fuck about me. All I want to do is find a way to get rich so I can give my family everything they've ever wanted. I want my grandma to die knowing that her family is gonna be okay and not be stuck struggling their whole lives. If I could do that, I could die the next day with a smile. I just want to hear some other opinions on my life other than my own, therapy ended up being bull ish and a waste of money and telling my family that I hate myself ended up making me feel worse because they said what they're going through. If anyone reads this, thank you. I just want someone to read this.
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self.depression
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How do you get through a hard class you cannot understand at all?? I have an incomplete grade in one of my courses. This incomplete grade made me lose my eligibility for financial aid. If I complete the grade then it should help my crippling GPA.
It's just this course is so hard..I cannot understand. My professor won't help me because he is too busy with other students and I don't have access to free tutoring or have the money for a tutor.
My mind literally goes blank whenever I open my textbook. I can go hours and hours trying to figure out what I'm trying to do, but it doesn't work. It then makes me feel EXTREMELY flustered to the point where my heart is ripping out of my chest.
I think what frustrates me is the fact that I feel like I don't have the time to figure it out. My life is very fast paced right now and my mind is not up to speed. I have two jobs, live on my own, and is currently in the process of moving out of state. As you can see, there is a lot happening and I can't manage to put school in there.
My mind is clouding up right now and my chest feels like its on fire. I want to get back into school again and be the great student that I was when I first started, but I'm always feeling like I'm on edge. I know that I need to get this class done, but I just can't do it alone..
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self.Anxiety
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Struggling with myself I'm always aiming low. I'm always scared of failure. I'm always telling myself to settle. I'm always tired. I'm always procrastinating. I'm always negative. I'm so frustrated. I'm so angry. I'm so sad. I'm always reluctant to believe in myself. My inner voice won't stop telling me "you're too anxious you can do it tomorrow"
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self.Anxiety
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Can you be depressed and still enjoy one aspect of your life? Hi, I know this reddit or the internet isn't really meant for diagnosing anything but I'm trying to figure out if I'm depressed or not and I don't know where else to go (don't want to go the doctor yet since I'm not sure). But long story: basically I've lost all motivation for college. I'm in my last year, but I find that I'm not doing any of the work, I'm putting every assignment to the last minute (if I even do them at all), and I dread every day that I have to go to school/placement related to the program. I feel like I'm stuck in this program that I hate and have no choice but to stay in because it's my only chance at living a fair to decent life in a future where I can support myself, but mostly my aging parents (we're just a little above the poverty line...very little). Even so, I can't find it in me to keep working towards graduating, when the past years I at least had fears of failing/not making it. Now I barely even care if I fail or not, even if I know that it's my last year and I'm so close to the finish line. I don't know if I can say it's hopelessness but I definitely have no dreams or goals in life. I don't have suicidal ideation, but I'm frequently finding that I don't care if I die right now or tomorrow, or just anytime soon. Like recently a relative of mine got diagnosed with cancer and fleetingly I caught myself thinking that it should be me, I wish I had it so I can finally have a reason to just go. I pretty much have no social support through my own generated isolation, which I'm not sure if it's because I'm just a terrible person or because of my fear of not being an interesting person enough for people/being left by people so I leave them first. Regardless, the one person I do have, I've also found that I've been almost avoiding because I'm so tired of even the bare minimum of person to person interactions. My self-esteem has always been shit, but nowadays it's even worse. I've always had issues with acne and thus I've always been diligent in washing my face and using my medications, but nowadays I can't even see the point in that. Gross alert: I've barely been bathing myself, only when I have to really have to go out (school related things), and even then I barely go to classes even when it's necessary because I just can't bring myself to. I can't really say anything for my sleeping habits because I've never had a solid sleeping schedule (which I know can also cause low mood and affect that can be mistaken as depression), or my eating habits (I consistently yo-yo between being able to eat everything in my pantry in one day and then some other days having no appetite/no urge to abate my hunger for the whole day at all). I also don't remember the last time I haven't been tired, so I feel like I don't have a baseline to go on for determining if I have the fatigue related to depression. I do find that I have trouble concentrating especially on important things (like schoolwork/work in general).
I know anhedonia is a big part of depression, so that's basically where the short version of my question goes in: I have a past time (fandom immersion for one specific thing basically, I don't really want to gush pathetically over it here because it just sounds...sad) and it's basically my form of escapism for life. I do enjoy it for the fact that it's the one thing that does make me happy. It's genuinely the only thing that keeps me going, knowing that I have that to look forward to. Aside from that everything's just meh. Is that possible with depression? Or is it that you have to have no interest in everything you used to like? Because that's why I always have trouble with this because sometimes I feel like I'm just making stuff up in my head so that I think I have depression and that really all my horrible thoughts and feelings are just a consequence of me being stupid/lazy/a terrible person. Like I know I deserve all of it, but at the same time I'm not that self-aware, because I'm still contemplating if it's depression or just how I am as a person.
I don't know. Sorry for the essay. I guess I just want some objective opinions from people who don't know me so that I can finally determine if I just need a reality check and a real hard kick in the ass or if I need to actually go see a doctor/therapist.
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self.depression
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I don't want to waste my parent's time and money [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why can't people just be straight and honest with each other? Why do people feel the need to be indirect or just outright lie? Just be honest and straight with people. For instance, if you go out on a date with someone and you don't want to go out again, don't tell them you want to go out again and then just ghost them when they try and get ahold of you for another date. You don't even have to tell them you don't want to go out again. Just don't say you do and then backtrack by just ignoring a person. It's not cool and it makes them question everything about what they thought was a really fun night for both people. Such a bummer.
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self.offmychest
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I want to know what it feels like to be happy [deleted]
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self.depression
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I made A really dumb joke/mistake over 4 years ago This literally happened a little over 4 years ago when I was 15 but it still haunts me.
I made an incredibly offensive joke on my public twitter account and I immediately regretted it after typing it. I got a lot of backlash from my followers and even people who didn’t follow me. And I was so dumb and was just trying to play it cool I guess?? and defend it and kept saying more offensive things?
It was something political and I’ve definitely 100% changed my views since then. I was a gullible kid who just wanted to please my parents who had some offensive views. But I feel like what I said would have even made them cringe.
I don’t think I ever apologized. I tried to block most of it out. Someone told on me and I had to go to the principals office to explain myself. I pretty much just got a tongue lashing and it wasn’t mentioned again. I guess cause i had never got in trouble before and I had good grades or whatever.
I deleted that account a month later I’m soo so scared it will come up again. I know my school principal printed it out and twitter archives everything.
Anyways, I’m so different now and I really feel like it was one of my greatest regrets.
I actually have really bad anxiety about it being uncovered or something and all my friends and peers hating me for it.
Yes, it’s that bad.
No I don’t want to say what it was.
Just know that it’s something you should never say.
But anyways..
just wanted to get that off my chest.
I am very inclined to take a backseat in any political debate and I avoid make any conspicuous moves on social media. I know as a 15 year old I half didn’t have my head on straight and was still just a kid, but holy shit was I dumb and I honestly wouldn’t expect anyone to forgive me. I’ve had anxiety attacks about it all the time and since the political climate is so crazy rn I feel like the burden is weighing extra hard on me and I wouldn’t want to disappoint any of my friends. (We all pretty much have the same political views)
I really did learn a valuable lesson but it still kills me inside to this day.
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self.offmychest
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The holidays again.... MY anxiety and depression always seem to be worse during this time of year. All the stress and bad memories relating to my family keep creeping up on me. It also does not help that my Grandmother on my mother's side, the last grandparent I have, is currently in the hospital and unable to take care of herself so we are looking at assisted living, which she hates and I don't blame her
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self.depression
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Help for my girlfriend My girlfriend constantly is threatening suicide and I don’t know what to do. When she’s upset there’s no talking to her unless I’m agreeing with her. And then it makes me feel like I’m supporting the negative thoughts that she has. I feel like calling the police or telling her parents is way too extreme and I’ve threatened it before and she freaked. And I know she won’t listen to a suicide hotline. She’s too stubborn and thinks nothing is worth it or would work or she doesn’t need it. I really don’t know what to do. I love her so much but it’s taking a huge toll on our relationship and I don’t think it’s fair to me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My therapist says I no longer fit the criteria for depression [removed]
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self.depression
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I’m so lonely at school Don’t you guys just wish you had some best friends that you could go out and have fun? High school drained me out and now I just sleep, listen to music and do homework at the last minute. I’m an 11th grader and I’m just trying to get through life. I’m not that social and I try to be it’s just that I’m so akward that I’m better just being alone.
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self.depression
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Why does life hate me. Why does life hate me so much, it's really weird.
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self.depression
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The allure of a 'stop button' has become too much to resist
I've been suicidally depressed for 4 years now,
every night I've cried myself to sleep hoping that things will turn around tomorrow and I'll get a glimpse of what it was like to be happy.
But everything has slowly but surely gotten worse.
I've tried therapy, medication, exercise, diet change,
and mediatation (which was the most effective)
My business has failed, I'm out of money, and hopelessly unemployed.
I haven't been able to connect with anyone in the longest time - friends, family, or romantic partners.
I'm painfully alone
I'm sick of suffering,
the allure of suicide has become too much to resist.
Once my lease is up next month I will flood my body with heroin.
I've avoided opiods my whole life so that accidental tollerance will not be an issue.
I know my death will devastate my family.
My mother has told me specifically that if I killed myself she wouldn't be far behind,
but she brought me into this world without my permission,
I plan to leave it without hers.
I've been told time and time again that 'it gets better'
and I can accept that there's a possibility it might.
But one more day of this hell is not worth a lifetime of bliss.
Not exactly sure why I'm here,
I guess deep down I just want to talk to someone that understands hopelessness.
Why have you not killed yourself yet?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Procrastinated for Class and Rental Agreement for House Complications [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Looking back at the past feeling like a different person. Anybody just look back in a time were they were happy and feel like that's a different person?
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self.depression
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On the verge I cant take my life anymore. I will be ending it soon and am ready to finally make this decision. The past few years have been hell, with ups and downs but no matter what these demons and negativity tht keeps happening, i cant take.
I am weak and everyone in my life is better off without me. College ruined my life, im a slave to work and cant keep up with this world. I lost everything i ever loved. I am drained and want to let it all go. This is the only way.
I want leave this life and all its troubles behind. Ive lost all my friends and can no longer even hold a conversation. I am not who i used to be and will never be again, ive lost myself, im tired of this mess i created. I have no future.
I hope tht whoever else feels like this finds a way to overcome it. Plz do. Stay strong
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self.SuicideWatch
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Ever feel like no matter what you try it just doesn't matter? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Anyone take Prozac? Does anyone here take Prozac and does it make you tired? I recently started taking it, and I feel a different type of tired. My usual depression tired is just mental exausted but my body is awake, but now my body and mind are always tired and ready to go to sleep.
Maybe I'm wrong and over thinking it though because the last meds I was on were very simulating and I didn't sleep as much, so maybe this is my normal but I'm not use it it because I haven't been this way in awhile.
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self.depression
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Very extremely not okay and... It really appears to have no end.
Can't get into detail this moment (work) but...the title says it all.
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self.depression
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Psych Ward I know I should probably be in the psych ward, because I've thought about killing myself almost every day for years, but I was admitted once and it was awful. It was only by stalwart refusal to give them up that I got to keep my clothes. What's the point in getting help if I can't have any fucking dignity?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Numb-Lost-Fake Why everyone saying i'm okay when i'm smiling. Why i'm smiling when i'm dying inside. I become numb i dont feel or think. I just standing or doing something. I dont have anything to hold on i cant stand this. I dont like it. I had a person i was talking here but he dissepear just gone. I'm worried about him. I feel fake even when i'm with my friends. What i'm going to do? I dont even wanna live anymore. Only thing i want is die
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self.depression
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I’m losing it all... Cheated on my wife of 10 years. Have three small children. My wife knows. She’s being a supportive as possible. We are going to counselling. Have always had lots of anxiety. Feeling worthless. Why would I do such a thing? Having lots of doubts as to who I am. Feeling empty. Hopeless. Lots of dark thoughts over the last few months since the truth came out. Have a plan to either hang myself in the basement or use a plastic bag with helium. Need help and guidance to make the dark thoughts disappear. I’ve become a recluse. Would rather live my life in a cabin in the woods. Alone. Possibly end my life there at some point. That’s all I have to say really. Need help. Please.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Maybe I'm the one that's supposed to go? Throwaway for reasons. . .plus I've been drinking.
Maybe I'm supposed to be the reason why none of my family or friends give a shit about mental health or suicide.
Maybe with how shitty my life has been, it is a sign of how I'm the one that's going to put a gun to my head. To wake up those close to me, telling them mental health is a big problem in our family.
I can't take not being happy anymore. I've tried working out (multiple times), tried seeing a shrink (several actually), tried writing, everything short of developing a drug habit or just offing myself. I'd rather just do the latter and do everyone a favor. I can't motivate myself to do a whole lot else, anyways, and death has been something I've wanted since I knew what success suicide was.
I'm not who I want to be and tired of busting my ass to become that person. 30 years old sounds like a nice round age to kill yourself, right?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Pity party I really don't mean to sound like a pity party or anything but this is where I rant or just open up because obviously it's so much easier to talk being anonymous BUT anyways.. I'm so fucking depressed and started cutting again after like 2 years. I keep trying to get my shit together and figure out what I want to do with my life but I honestly don't know which is making me feel even more depressed. If I don't do something in the medical field everyone will give me shit and talk down to me and I know I'm not supposed to care but I do and I wanna make money. I'm a freshman in college but I'm supposed to know what I want to be like NOW.
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self.depression
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